Ey yo what the FUCK—

damn imagine being jonathan sims. some woman shows up in like combat boots or whatever, and what the fuck you recognize her. that’s melanie king. she does that stupid ghost hunting show that everyone here makes fun of. and then she immediately starts insulting you and your workplace and the statements, when she literally came here to make a statement. but you recently promised your boss that you would “be more lovely,” so you’re trying So Hard not to lose your temper. you limit yourself to some light sass, and tbh think that’s pretty impressive on your part. she finally starts actually giving the statement, and not two minutes into it she mentions, off-hand, your ex-girlfriend, who you have not talked to in years. you have to pretend to be normal about this. then the youtube lady finishes, and you tell her you’ll look into it, but not to expect much, and she starts screaming at you again about how this whole place is bullshit and then she storms out and slams the door. you had told her before she started that you probably wouldn’t believe her. and now you just have this statement that you have to send your team to look into. what is the job of an archive again? are we sure it’s taking in new statements and doing research? you don’t know, you didn’t go to archive school, you’re flying by the seat of your pants. oh and also those evil worms from the evil worm lady are increasing in number outside your work. and all you want is an organized archive and maybe a nap.

gerry in mag 12 😭 he's literally 80% covered in second degree burns, drugged to hell and back on painkillers, just woke up from being unconscious, and he's still like "okay here we go another day on the job guess i have to go kill this lightless flame bitch who's trying to boil us all alive!! behold my sterile scalpel bitch" and then when the guy finishes cremating himself he sits back down on his bed and goes to sleep bc he has had a very long day

Now that I've finished the whole show, enjoy this very incomplete list of favourite Jon quotes:

"Fine, fine, I'll be more lovely. Now, can I get back to work?" MAG17

"I will record and add that part when it is found, either by myself or, given the scale of the Archive's mismanagement, by my successor when I pass away from old age." MAG19

"I'm not entirely made out of stone" MAG27

"Mh...more meat. Interesting." MAG30

"Well, this pompous ass has some very urgent work to do " MAG76

Very snarkily "Yes, I know what a meme is." MAG76

"It is remarkably easy to get an axe in central London" MAG78

"What, I could be on drugs." MAG83

"I suppose that leaves skulking around the periphery, which is what I was already doing!" MAG85

"Thays not fair! Sometimes I was kidnapped." MAG114

"Every other Avatar gets to have their feelings burned right out of them, but me? I’ve just got to sit in mine." MAG139

"I am not, nor have I ever been, “adorable.”" MAG164

NOOO MIKE :'(

Not only did she kill him she also buried him

How dare you do this to my poor sky boi :(

so the s2 finale kicked my ass

I'm watching The Magnus Archives for the first time (i think im going to start tagging posts relevant to this with "tma liveblog" so I don't have to keep specifying). I just started season 2, and I've got to say I'm with Jon's paranoia on this one. Martin IS more competent than he's letting on. His soft, sweet, british voice is just so disarming that even hearing him talk about surviving the worm siege, I stilll mentally categorized him as "likely to die first". Sure he survived, but thats because Prentis let him go. If he actually got wormed, he'd probably just perish. Turns out, his initial idea for what would happen if he got wormed was performing emergency worm removal surgery on himself with a pocket knife. He sounded serious too, like he was mentally prepared to go through with it without hesitation if that's what it took. And if we look at what each of the characters did during the worm invasion,

Jon made no judgement calls that significantly impacted group survival one way or the other (+0) and got very wormed at the end (-1) for a grand total of -1 survival points.

Tim didn't notice that Prentis was in the archive and nearly got got (-1), sent Sasha ahead to get help, which resulted in the fire suppression system going off and saving himself and Jon from certain death (+2), got surrounded by worms in Jon's office (-1), and got very wormed at the end (-1), for a grand total of -1 survival points.

Sasha saved Tim from Prentis (+1), successfully got help, saving Tim and Jon from certain death (+2) and died (-1). For a total of 2 survival points.

Martin directed an injured Jon and Sasha to a safe place to hide from the worms and provided an effective tool for worm removal (+2), hid the stash of fire extinguishers that saved Tim from certain death (+1), and kept himself out of mortal peril for the entire duration of the invasion (+1). 4 survival points. He didn't even get injured. He's the only one who survived without intervention by forces beyond his control. Martin didn't play the part of first to die. No, this man was born for the roll of Final Girl.

And I don't think he's evil, and I don't think he killed Gertrude. But I do think that he's entirely capable of murder, if that's what it takes to survive. And I do think he will continue to exert his agency in the story in ways that the other characters and audience forget to expect from him. Not me, though. I learned my lesson. As entirely disarming as his demeanor is, I'm not going to underestimate him a second time.

ok, so, i’m new to the magnus archives fandom as i literally only started to properly listen to the podcast a couple of months ago (tho i’ve been kinda binge listening, sooooo i’m already almost at the final act of season 5) so i just have to ask: do you ever get passed the phase of relating any sort of random content you consume with the different entities???? i seriously can’t even watch a bloody horror movie without my brain going “omgggg this evil creature would’ve been such a perfect avatar for the spiral!”

askin in behalf of my friends cause i’m pretty sure i’m reaching their limit with my tma rants :(

fun liveblogging messages from a friend of mine who’s just starting tma (she’s on episode 5 at this point):

MAG 1

MAG 2

MAG 4

nothing like taking a break from hiking through a spooky graveyard with your boyfriend to commentate on the endless tortures of said graveyard 🥰🥰🥰

Melanie: But when it comes down to it, I want to see him dead.

Me, coloring while listening: Valid, bby, slay.

forget being marked deeply by fear over and over again for the purposes of one smarmy victorian man’s self-importance, the true trauma jonathan jarchivist sims, confirmed asexual, had to endure was being forced to narrate the evening of a horny man who went out on the town looking to get laid, made eye contact with a sexy lady, danced with her, took her home, made out with her, fucked her, snuggled with her, then proceeded to burn her worm-infested corpse.

that's the episode i think 🤔

HOLY SHIT MAG 92 WAS SO GOOD

"I never chose this." "You never wanted this, no. But i'm afraid you absolutely did choose it."

"Am I… Elias, am I still human?"

This whole episode was just... oh my god. I can't. I want to relisten to it immediately.