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gamesception · 11 months

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lets read rgu chapter 10

So we ended off chapter 10 at the party from anime episode 3, only instead of Nanami’s disintegrating dress gag, Sionji shows up to try to kidnap Anthy and or murder Utena outright, something he didn’t get around to until like episode 9 in the anime. I’m not even sure how this is going to end...

But I probably should have guessed it would end the same as Sionji’s episode 9 outburst, with Touga jumping in to protect Utena & getting hurt.

So we really are just doing the episode 9 thing, only without the weirdness of the whole dueling ritual falling apart and/or skipping to the end/the castle collapsing/Anthy returning to her coffin when Saionji forces events out of order.

In the anime that whole situation was explicitly set up by Touga to manipulate Utena’s feelings. Here at least for the moment it seems like Saionji was acting on his own and Touga’s self sacrificial heroics were at least partially sincere.

I know Saito wasn’t working with a full summary or script, so this might be accidental rather than a deliberate move, but if it was intentional it strikes me as a good call, plot wise. For one, it’s more believable for Touga’s eventual win if he has more time between his injury and the duel, for another the manga wants to put deliberately more emphasis on Utena’s relationship with Touga, and moving this moment much earlier in the plot helps enable that, giving Utena a reason to look past his playboy reputation and red flag behavior to this point. This also effectively combines Saionji’s second duel and later rampage, saving some time.

At the emergency clinic Utena, Anthy, and the student council gather to wait on news of Touga’s condition, and, us, what are you doing Juri?

Um, I’m not sure what’s going on here? Is Juri trying to warn Utena not to fall for Touga’s act? Or... please don’t tell me she’s jealous? If manga Juri strays so far from her anime characterization that she has a thing for Touga, I’ll be sorely disappointed.

Juri’s introduction is pretty hostile. Miki by comparison seems much nicer, and sticks with the anime’s conviction that dueling over Anthy is wrong, a conviction I’m sure will prove every bit as fragile as in the anime.

Wakaba also shows up, which is nice, but we really only get her being possessive over Utena. That was part of her anime characterization, but we’re still missing the more fun & funny aspects of her character.

The student council talks to Touga, & it’s not terribly clear if his actions towards Utena were sincere or not. Apparently they discuss what to do with Saionji off panel, because the next scene is Juri and Miki confronting Saionji:

2 week suspension? He attempted to murder another student in public with dozens of witnesses and severely harmed the student council president in the process. In the anime he was expelled, and there were no independent witnesses there?

Anyway, Saionji argues he shoudln’t be punished for hurting Touga because Touga had interrupted a proper duel, but nobody buys it - Touga had to step in as student council president since it wasn’t a duel, just one student attacking the other. Saionji counters that Touga only stepped in because he’s smitten with Utena, which Juri objects to, and...

“compared to you who loves Touga”? Please, please don’t be going there. Please let this either be a mistranslation, or Saionji being an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

I don’t have much to say about the rest of the chapter. Utena brings flowers to the clinic for Touga and Juri mocks her for it. Juri and Miki talk about Utena while fencing. While playing baseball utena knocks a foul ball into the fencing room and Juri catches it on the point of her sword...

That’s kind of cool at least.

The chapter ends with Utena and Juri staring each other down, but I’m still just distracted with dread over the direction the manga seems to be taking one of my favorite characters.

#rgu #revolutionary girl utena #sception reads rgu

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delimeful · 3 years

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to taste your beating heart (4)

warnings: nightmares, flashbacks, mind control/thrall mention, mental breakdown, blood mention, impalement/staking, upsetting thoughts, panic, ptsd responses

A plastic-sounding click, like someone pressing a button.

Anx took a breath, staring intently at the person bustling around across from him.

Patton was making tea like someone vying for a professional butler position: setting saucers and cups in front of each of them, managing the teapot with a steady hand, motions smooth and automatic.

“Sorry, I’m just so used to setting up refreshments for guests,” he chuckled nervously. “My sister always insists on tea when she comes by, so—“

Logan shifted next to him, impatient and more than a little irritated after every one of his inquiries had been deflected or outright ignored. Patton had invited them in, though, and he was currently their best lead on one of the most vicious cases they’d ever dealt with.

Even if he seemed utterly incapable of answering any of their actual questions.

That wasn't saying he wasn't willing to talk at all. Roman was chattering with him, their most sociable member easily drawn into discussion and more than willing to natter on in the hopes that Patton would let some vital information slip.

Anx wasn’t the only one who noted the way their host set an extra saucer and cup out, but when he met Logan’s gaze, the hunter only rolled his eyes, more than content to dismiss it as another element of the stranger’s apparent airheaded personality.

Patton was still speaking, discussing the many alleged merits of ignoring allergies for the sake of fulfilling experiences. Roman, who was lactose intolerant, was nodding along wholeheartedly. Logan, who was the one to deal with Roman’s post-dairy consumption whining, looked a lot less agreeable.

His own attention remained pinned on Patton’s movements rather than his words. There was a pattern there, a careful turn of the cup so the handle was facing the right side, lift the teapot from the warmer, and pour. One by one, he went around the table.

Anx was the only one watching when the man finally fumbled. After pouring each of their cups with surprising grace, he reached that final, fifth teacup. He twisted the handle so it was right-aligned, lifted the teapot, poured— and then reached for what looked like a cream pitcher.

A beat late, Patton’s hands suddenly swerved to the side, and he pulled them back as though he’d been burned. His voice didn’t even falter.

Anx reached across the table lightning-quick and seized the pitcher, knocking a few of the porcelain jars over and effectively cutting through the conversion as he did. Roman was asking something, but Patton only stared at him, something both fearful and grateful in his gaze.

Anx pulled the lid off, and the thick smell of blood hit him, like iron and rust.

“Your sister, you said?” Logan asked, and Patton bit his lip hard enough to bleed.

Click.

He was in a different room of the same tiny apartment, though it took him a moment to recognize the interior.

Put bluntly, it looked as though a miniature hurricane had torn through it.

The wallpaper was shredded and splattered. The cute decorative furniture had been thrown askew at best, smashed to bits at worst. Everything was in disarray, the valuable and mundane targeted indiscriminately. An entire life torn to pieces.

In the eye of the storm, Patton stood, hands fisted in his hair and eyes bloodshot.

They’d known the backlash of the bond breaking would be hard on Patton, but they hadn’t been prepared for this. It was entirely possible that they had never run into a thrall this strong, one maintained for so long, in their entire hunting career.

Most aggressive thralls would attack relentlessly to defend their master from harm. Seeing as they’d been the ones to kill his “sister”, if Patton was going to vent his ire on anyone, it would be them. Roman stepped forwards carefully regardless, knowing that they owed it to him to at least try to help him recover. “Patton?”

“I should have helped her,” he replied tonelessly, voice half-ruined from screaming. He picked up a broken chunk of a table leg, and they all went tense, but all he did was slam it against the wall.

“I should have saved her!” he cried, punctuating every word with a swing. “Where is she, where is she, what did I do to her?”

“A better question would be: what did she do to you?” Logan asked, ignoring the sharp look Anx sent his way. They’d all been unsettled at the way the vamp had talked about Patton, like someone possessive over a favored plaything, but that didn’t mean they should be bringing it up now.

They’d finally gotten Patton’s full attention, as he turned to them with angry tears in his eyes. “She did everything for me! And I— I gave her away, I betrayed her…”

“She was hurting people,” Anx cut in, voice firm but not unkind. For all that he’d been through, Patton didn’t deserve unkind.

“I could have fixed it, I thought I was— I was getting through to her,” he pleaded, his voice unsteady and unconvincing even to himself. He dropped the wood, pressing bleeding knuckles against his face to stem the tears.

“It’s not your fault, Patton, okay?” Roman tried, stepping closer until he could reach out and set his hand on a trembling shoulder. Patton only seemed to bow further with the weight of his grief.

“Giving her up was supposed to kill me,” he said softly, the frenzy gone from him. “How am I supposed to live without her?”

“The same way everyone else does,” Roman pulled him in for a hug, his own eyes wetter than they’d been before. “One day at a time.”

Click.

The living room of the house— their house.

Perhaps more importantly, the smell of something burning.

Anx had always been twitchy about things like this-- a thousand potential disasters in mind for every little inconvenience-- so he bolted off the arm of the couch the moment the scent registered.

When he got to the kitchen, he heard the rattle of an active microwave, saw Patton standing and staring blankly at the display as the inside of the microwave clouded up with smoke.

Cringing at the thought of the smoke alarm going off, he turned on the overhead fan and pulled the window up before finally yanking the microwave door open.

A plastic takeout container was halfway to a melted puddle, mixing with whatever leftovers had formerly resided there. He slid on a pair of duck-themed oven mitts and grabbed the most solid-looking parts, quickly lifting and carrying the mess to the balcony where it could cool down without making their house smell like burnt plastic.

When he returned, Patton was still in that same spot, frowning slightly as though just realizing that something might be a little off. Like someone had pressed pause while the world fast-forwarded around him, Patton had described it once.

Anx flitted about for a moment, putting the mitts back and cleaning the leftover residue, and then finally faced his friend with a wry half-smile. Patton’s eyes snapped to him, as though just realizing he was there.

“Hey, Pat.” He reached out and set his hand against Patton’s back, watching as the touch helped ground him slightly. “Can you go sit at the table? I’ll bring us both something to eat.”

Without a word, Patton turned and walked to their little dining table.

Cooking was admittedly harder when he ducked away to check on the other room every few moments, but he managed alright, only singeing the eggs slightly where Roman would have incinerated them.

He set the table for them both, and sat across from Patton, who was motionless and quiet in his chair.

“Can we eat together?” Anx asked, offering Patton a fork so there was a physical prompt as well as a verbal one.

It took a moment, but Patton gripped the fork easily and started to work through the motions of eating, mirroring Anx. Whenever he faltered or seemed to forget what he was in the middle of, Anx would nudge his attention back on track.

Once they were finished, he gathered up his dishes and asked Patton to grab his, carrying them back to the kitchen together.

Patton paused for a moment at the sink, mouth twitching into a frown as he stared at his glass and the lingering layer of orange juice at the bottom.

“Does anyone want tea?” he asked suddenly, a well-practiced line in a cheery tone. “I’m very good at tea service, you know.”

Anx swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m good, Pat,” he declined instead of pointing out that they didn’t have any tea in the house.

Patton seemed to get a little hazier, his face going sad and then quickly lax again. Anx took the glass from him and offered him a hand to hold instead, squeezing his palm comfortingly when he accepted.

“I need help out in the garden today. Do you think you could lend a hand or two?”

He dipped his head in a nod, and as they made their way to the back door, Anx shot a text off to the group chat.

> nightmare on edge street: out in the garden with pat. bad day protocol, stat

When they came back in hours later, dirt under their nail beds and probably a little sunburned, Roman and Logan had already combined their talents to set up an elaborately decorated but still structurally sound blanket fort spanning the entirety of the living room.

Patton’s face twitched into a tremulous little smile as the others waved them over, and Anx felt him squeeze their joined hands gratefully.

Click.

The sequence rewound, restarted. Ran him through it over and over, the same scenes-- the same memories. Patton pouring tea with a determined, terrified glint to his eye. Patton’s mind struggling under the stress of the snapped bond. Patton working through a difficult day with the help of friends.

The scenery grew brighter and brighter with every repetition, like saturation turned all the way up on a screen, until they were as painful as sunlight on his bare skin. He tried to close his eyes, to move away, to change something, anything, but his body wasn’t his own.

Look at him, it seemed to demand, keeping him frozen in a sensory hell. Pay attention. Look what you did. Understand how you hurt him.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

Clunk.

Silence. The memories vanished, leaving him floating in an impossible, endless black space. Between one blink and the next, he was eye-to-eye with a mirror image, something about it just slightly off.

He didn’t notice the stake in its hand until it was too late.

---

Anx jerked upright, hands jumping to his chest as the phantom sensation of wood between his ribs faded. His breath stuttered painfully, as though he expected to feel ichor welling up in his mouth any minute.

Staking a vampire was an archaic hunter method. It was difficult to manage, it was messy, and it was the slowest and most painful way possible to kill a vampire. He knew this, though he wasn’t sure which life was providing the facts.

Regardless of memories, he couldn’t know how it felt to actually be staked. He’d been injured before, with a coven as temperamental as his, but nothing like that. Nothing even close to that. It was just a bad dream, an imagined pain.

There was a subtle shifting nearby, and his head snapped up, eyes bright and teeth bared. If those assholes thought he was in the mood to have his space invaded--

“Easy, Count Chocula.” Across the room, the sword-wielder-- Roman, that was his name-- settled back into the armchair by the door, watching him with narrowed eyes. “I was simply noticing your… abrupt awakening?”

Right. Because he wasn’t settled into one of the tiny, dark rooms reserved for the newly-turned and those who couldn’t shake off the urge to sleep. He was captured by weird hunters, who trapped him in their weird house, and asked weird invasive leading questions about his weird night terrors.

He was also tucked into a bed, for some reason.

The comforter had already slipped down halfway due to his sudden jolt into wakefulness, and he wasted no time in kicking free of the sheets. The room was surprisingly dark in both theme and lighting, with deep purple walls and heavy spiderweb-patterned curtains blocking out any potential sunlight.

There was also a warding circle of ash carefully smudged in a perimeter around the bed, the burning containment runes strong enough to make him want to sneeze even from this distance. The diameter of the circle was wide enough that he could theoretically keep away from any stabbings if he pissed Roman off enough, but add even one more hunter to the mix and it would take virtually no effort to pincer him.

Nothing he could do about the new cage for now, with the hunter staring at him expectantly from his sentry position. He sent a poisonous glare back and hissed, still crouched on the bed like an exceptionally angry gargoyle.

Roman pressed an offended hand to his chest, but was cut off by an inordinately cheerful knock at the door. His expression flickered to a sort of bitter resignation, and he shot Anx a much more serious warning look before unlocking and cracking the door open.

“Hey, Pat! I thought you were taking a nap?” he asked with impressively feigned lightness to his voice.

“I was, I just— Is he awake?” Another too-familiar voice replied, sounded distracted. “I felt…”

“Yeah, Padre,” Roman admitted after a strained pause. “He’s up. You remember your key?”

“Of course!” Patton said, and neither of them elaborated on what the hell that was supposed to mean. Roman stepped aside, and Patton beelined to the bed like a compass needle to true north.

He stopped just short of the circle, like a determined enough— or cornered enough— vamp couldn’t reach out and drag him in. “Anx! I’ve been so worried about you! You took quite a tumble, are you feeling alright?”

Anx stared at him. The words were bright, but there was a thread of something fervent and barely-controlled in them, something frenetic in the way he shifted from foot to foot. It sent a pervasive feeling of wrongness down his spine, like looking at an old photograph and realizing that something you remembered from it was entirely absent.

Anx didn’t— couldn’t know enough about Patton to recognize when he was acting off, but every piece slotted neatly into place anyways, dragging him to a conclusion he didn’t intend to realize; Patton was pretending, ignoring the parts of him that felt bad to reassure the rest of them. After everything he'd already gone through, he was bearing the stress of being thralled without a word.

He could feel the thrall tether pulled taut between them, already mentally frayed from both the time passed since feeding and the pain that had ricocheted through him at his last order. Looking at Patton like this, it was bizarrely easy to loosen his grip and let that last thread connecting them fall apart.

Patton’s shoulders eased, all of him sagging slightly like a puppet with strings cut. And wasn’t that just an uncomfortably accurate metaphor.

In the next moment, the hunter was stepping neatly over the line of ash and into the circle, arms lifted. Roman shouted something, but his alarmed words were meaningless noise against the roar of anticipatory fear that overcame Anx.

Get away, his instincts screamed, but his body remained stuck, stalled by a resentful whisper in the back of his mind: Doesn’t he deserve to get a few hits in though? Look at what you did to him.

A sudden touch made him curl in on himself, but the arms that folded around him were careful, even gentle. His head jerked up, and sure enough, Patton was hugging him. He froze, struck dumb.

Over Patton’s shoulder, Roman was stopped a few feet away, hand outstretched as though he’d planned to yank Patton back out of the danger zone. Anx met his stare, eyes round as quarters.

“I did not tell him to do this,” he blurted, and Patton’s chest vibrated with a little sniffly chuckle. The human was so warm.

At the door, Logan appeared, glasses slightly askew. “Patton? I heard—“

He paused, taking in the room. His expression grew more and more unimpressed. “... I see. Exactly what happened while I was away?”

#sanders sides #ts virgil #ts patton #ts logan #ts roman #vampire au #ttybh #to taste your beating heart #couldnt find a good stopping point T-T #Hope you guys enjoy!#writing #my writing #pov is confusing at the start but i hope it makes sense

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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There seems to be no middle ground with RWBY+, they trust you or they don’t. Some have no chance to “earn” it, but others don’t do anything to gain it. James should’ve earned it a hundred times over. He did so much but it wasn’t enough. What did Robyn do? She tried to attack Ruby and was only stopped by Penny. After that? Yang trusts the woman who almost hurt her sister over the man who gave her an arm, then blamed Ruby. Any wonder I hate these characters so much?

The frustrating thing is that I think I can see what RT was going for. Frustrating because it's the reading most of the fandom falls back on, despite the fact that the show... never actually wrote that story. In short, it's the belief that there's established good and bad in this world and we have a responsibility to uphold the former regardless of personal trust. So if a friend of mine is, say, being a racist asshole and a stranger is not, I have a moral responsibility to side with the stranger, despite the fact that I don't know them, technically can't trust them on other matters, and have little to no emotional investment in them as an individual. You need to take the side of what's right, no matter how hard that is. It's why we get so many heroes facing off against former friends and mentors. "You'd really betray me for them?" they say, pointing to the sidekick our hero only met at the start of the story, maybe a couple months ago in-world. "Yeah," they reply. "Because they're not trying to kill everyone." Basic humanity trumps long-term relationships.

That, as far as I can tell, seems to be the basic setup that RWBY was going for: Robyn may be a stranger, but she's the Good Person sticking up for Mantle, whereas Ironwood may be an ally and friend, but he's also the Bad Person hurting Mantle. Ergo, aligning with Robyn wins out, no matter that she's a stranger and Ironwood an ally. That's likewise why fans are so quick to dismiss evidence of Ironwood's good nature. Things like Yang's arm or the licenses aren't accepted as evidence for why the group should have started with more trust in him, they're reframed as excuses for why critics supposedly want to overlook his presumed, horrific nature — something that the story later made real with him shooting Oscar, killing the councilman, hacking Penny, and threatening to bomb Mantle. Viewing the good Ironwood did as some manipulative temptation the group was right to resist depends entirely on seeing Ironwood as the archetypal bad guy to Robyn's good guy.

However, this attempt failed spectacularly for numerous reasons already discussed over the past two years. Ironwood's actions were never revealed as manipulations. The group continued to work with him, thereby shouldering responsibility for his choices. Ruby actively pushed to complete Amity, despite the harm it was doing to Mantle. Robyn never did anything with the resources she stole, etc. This presumed line between Ironwood and Robyn simply doesn't exist in the text — or at least it's incredibly blurred — so when Yang and Blake run to share intel with her, it doesn't feel like the heroes turning away from the wrong path to back the real hero. We don't understand how resources to build a communications tower are hurting everyday peoples' lives. We don't understand why Weiss can't just go up and plug the hole with a bunch of ice. We don't understand why, if hurting Mantle is such an objectively awful thing, our hero Ruby keeps pushing to finish Amity anyway. We don't understand why there isn't at least an acknowledgement of good intentions here, considering that the tower is meant to save the world from Salem, helping Mantle in the long run. We don't understand why, if the group is so concerned with Ironwood's choices, they don't tell him the one piece of information that would get him to stop. And we don't understand Robyn.

Because here's the thing: it's badly written. The whole Amity debate straight through to the Fall of Atlas is a mess of ill thought out morals, shoddy worldbuilding, and outright contradictions. There's no salvaging that without rethinking Volumes 6-8, starting with the group's response to Ozpin. But all that aside, even if we kept things exactly as they are and bought into the assumption that Ironwood is as Bad and Robyn is as Good as the story wants us to believe... the group still should have at least hesitated to trust Robyn. More than a line or two of dialogue between Yang and Blake. I mean actual hesitation and a serious acknowledgement of the complications here. The concept of trust is now a focal point of RWBY and there's enough material across the entire series to make the Robyn situation way more complicated than just the group going, "We should side with her because she wants to do right by the people." Here I'm not talking about what we the audience know about RWBY's construction as a story, I mean what the characters have experienced on screen. It's a simple question at the core of the trust Robyn debate:

How do they know she's telling the truth?

Seriously, how do they know Robyn is who she says she is? That she doesn't have ulterior motives? That she's not outright lying to them and the rest of Atlas? Everything I've heard in defense of the group's fast-track trust falls short. "Well, she's presented as one of the good guys in Atlas, fighting for what's right." You mean like how Cinder, Emerald, and Mercury once posed as huntsmen and joined Ruby's school, supposedly fighting for what was right? "She's interested in politics. It's not like she's out there attacking them like Tyrian." You mean like how Salem infiltrated a kingdom via Lionheart, the White Fang has likewise tried to worm their way into positions of power, and Jacques is currently trying to steal an election? The bad guys don't limit themselves to just trying to murder people straight out. "But she stole resources back for the people!" And did... what with them? For all we actually know, she put those towards a different, nefarious plan. "But she's so passionate and she's sworn she wants to help." People lie! That was the whole thing with Ozpin! Ruby just lied at the start of the Volume. And, funnily enough, Robyn has the semblance that forces others to tell the truth, but no one can make Robyn do the same.

To be clear, I don't actually have a conspiracy theory that she's secretly a baddie. My only point is that fans were right to wonder if she was a White Fang or Salem agent and our group absolutely should have wondered the same. Take away all the personal reasons to trust Ironwood (defending Weiss, Yang's arm, friend of the inner circle, etc.) and we're still left with proof of his intentions in the form of things like Amity's plans and him continually giving the heroes more power, more resources, more connections, more ways to hurt him if they were to ever turn against him. In as much as you can prove anyone is trustworthy, Ironwood was there. But Robyn? Robyn had none of that work. More importantly, that lack interferes with our "She's doing the right thing, so we need to back her" reading. How did the group know she really wanted to do right by the people? And since that's always hard to prove, what did they do to at least attempt to reassure themselves? Absolutely nothing. Which is why the current writing makes them look stupid. They watched the bad guys infiltrate their school, organize the Fall of Beacon, stalk them, pose as allies, turn on them, lie to their faces, are telling lies themselves... and none of them came up when the question of trusting Robyn was put on the table. The idea of someone tricking them (again), or betraying them (again), or lying about Important Topics even though they're doing the same seems to have, somehow, escaped them.

It doesn't matter what Robyn's stance on Mantle is because the group never justified trusting her word and the story failed to show us (and them) that Robyn was doing good. Literally all she does pre-trust is stand for election and, again, we could say the same of Jacques. If the story wanted to make at least a miniscule improvement on this arc, we needed to see either a compelling reason to believe Robyn is all she presents herself as (for example, Penny could have known and vouched for her), or gotten an explanation for why they'd take an unjustified leap of faith when others haven't gotten one, people who have done much to earn that trust. It's a problem that grew exponentially once Oscar trusted Hazel and the group trusted Emerald, but it has existed since Ilia. As it stands, by this logic, Cinder should be able to walk up to the group and go, "I'm not bad anymore. I actually want to help now. No, I'm not lying :)" and that's that. That's what trust means to them. Taking people at their word ...unless you're a flawed ally who has made mistakes. Then trust takes months to rebuild, or is off the table completely.

Ozpin is not trustworthy. Ironwood is not trustworthy. Qrow saying "Hey" is not trustworthy. According to the fandom, Tai is not trustworthy.

Ilia is trustworthy. Robyn is trustworthy. Emerald is trustworthy. Hazel is trustworthy.

It's completely backwards and Robyn was a large part of that strange flip.

#rwde #rwby #mymetas

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gregorygrim · 3 years

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Dragon Prince Hot Takes

!!! Full Spoiler For “The Dragon Prince” Seasons 1-3!!!

So I finally got around to watching The Dragon Prince. Timely, I know, but better late than never i guess. I’m not completely caught up yet as I only got as far as S3E7 “Hearts of Cinder” in this first sitting. Considering I haven’t binged any series in almost two years, I think that’s pretty respectable. This means I won’t discuss the last few episodes here, except for a couple of things I was unfortunately spoiled for already, hence full spoilers.

These are basically my first thoughts and opinions after the binge and a good night’s sleep. It’s gonna be a lot so if you don’t care or don’t want spoilers…

TL;DR: 7½/10. Generally enjoyable, there are some aspects I’m not exactly fan of, but no dealbreakers

Firstly to everyone who told me that this was the new ATLA: you all need to rewatch Avatar stat! Like seriously. There are definitely parallels and given the cast and crew I think that’s what they were going for too (which is why I think it’s fair to compare the two), but still, no.

Secondly I love most of the worldbuilding and love that the series at least tries to give it to us in a bit of a non-linear fashion, even if it is kind of clumsy at times. I know some people are put off by expository dialogue and flashbacks, but I’m an epic fantasy nerd, I need that sweet, sweet lore to live as much as you mortals need food.

I like that there was clearly an effort made to integrate the worldbuilding in more subtle ways. For example you may initially find it kind of weird that all these different human ethnicities are existing perfectly integrated in what looks like a medieval society, until you remember from the opening monologue that the Human Kingdoms are the result of a massive diaspora following the human exodus from Xadia, so obviously people got all mixed up everywhere. It’s representation with an excellent in-world reason and that just brings me joy.

I also love the magic system(s) even though we haven’t really gone into that just yet. it really feels like there was a genuine effort made to create underlying mechanics for the magic rather than just making each spell a vaguely elemental themed ability. I really hope we’ll dive deeper into that in coming seasons.

I also like the little nods to other works of fantasy: Ezran’s ability to talk with animals is a reference to Tolkien’s world where some royal bloodlines had the ability to speak with animals, specifically birds; Primal Magic and its spells being cast with Ancient Draconic runes and words might be reminiscent of the Ancient Language from the Inheritance Cycle etc.

Thirdly the main cast is great. Callum, Ezran and Rayla are all interesting and relatable characters in their own right and as a group. I’m not going into each of them individually here, but while I think the series as a whole falls short of ATLA, as protagonist parties go I dare say this one is nearly on nearly on par with the gAang.¹

And yes, I love Bait, which I really did not expect following the first few episodes. I love his weird pug-toad-chameleon design, I love that he works like a flashbang whenever somebody says a quote from Scarface (I wish they hadn’t dropped that later on) and I love how done he is with everything and everyone at all times. I’ve only had him for 25 episodes, but if anything happened to him I would kill all of my followers and then myself.

On top of that, and speaking as someone who god knows is really not into shipping, I love Rayla and Callum’s relationship. It’s believable, it’s refreshing and it brings out the best in both characters without changing basically anything about them. Just two good friends who fell in love. A++, maybe even S tier.

Unfortunately though I can’t sing the same kind of praises about the villains. None of them are terrible (as in terribly written, most of them are pretty awful people), but with one exception they just don’t stand up to the protagonists in quality.

I could simply not take Viren seriously. Even now that is probably the single most powerful magic user in the world, he just has such strong Karen energy, every time he finishes a speech I am overcome with the urge to say “Sir, this is a Wendy’s” and it does not help the mood. I’m not even sure why. It might’ve been the voice because the guy who did Viren (Jason Simpson) also does a lot of kinda slimy characters in various anime dubs, it might be that over-the-top walking stick, idk.

What I’m saying is that as a primary antagonist he simply did not work for me. Which is doubly a shame because this kind of tarnishes the real “Big Bad” of this story by proxy. Aaravos, even as an invisible ghost, with his voice coming out of a caterpillar and next to no info on his backstory, has more style and gravity than all the human antagonists combined. It helps that he is by far the best designed character and Erik Dellums has the voice of a young god, but I’d argue even without that unfair advantage he has the potential to be a top tier villain. While he is stuck as Viren’s “little bug-pal” though he is just being dragged down.

(I’m aware that as of the final episode the caterpillar familiar is undergoing metamorphosis, probably to create a new body for Aaravos’ spirit to inhabit outside of the magic mirror, so I’m definitely hyped for more of him in the coming seasons.)

As for Soren and Claudia, I’ve got mixed feelings. This was one more aspect of the show that a lot of people compared to Avatar and while I see the parallels to Zuko & Azula, they are still very different, at least where Claudia is concerned. I’d also just like to mention that a lot of people told me that they thought the direction in which their storylines went were really surprising and I can’t disagree more. I predicted that Soren would defect to the protagonists on episode 5 right after Viren told him to kill the princes and I knew Claudia was going to stick with her father from episode 12 onward. My point is, it didn’t feel like some kind of plot twist, the way some people made it out to be, and which I don’t think was the intent.

I definitely got the sense that Soren was at least a Zuko-type character, though still not a Zuko clone, and as with Zuko I was consistently able to empathise and sympathise with him and his predicaments. I also appreciated that his dilemma is the result of his convictions and not him being kind of dense, which would’ve been all to easy and probably would’ve ruined his character for me. As it stands he is extremely milktoast, but perfectly functional for his purpose in the story and I can definitely see him evolving further and getting more interesting as we go on.

Claudia is where it gets complicated. Again, I can see the Azula parallels. But unlike that character, who is her father’s animal 110%, Claudia doesn’t strike me as a victim of Viren’s manipulation the way Soren undoubtably is. The way she talks about and uses Dark Magic, how she talks down to Soren and how even Viren finds it difficult to communicate with her, tells me as an audience member that she is an independent person. Which tells me that the cruelty and enthusiasm for causing harm she regularly displays is her own will. And that was before she straight up leads Callum on to manipulate him.

On the other hand I can absolutely relate to her devotion to her family, her big sister role (even though she is younger than Soren) and the way both the separation of her parents before the story and Soren’s injury in episode 16 must’ve affected her because of this. I know that, if my brother had become paralysed from the neck down and I knew a way to heal him, I would not have hesitated to kill that fawn either. Then again her relationship with her father is very different from parental relationships I am familiar with, so I can’t really say I see why she is so devoted to him, other than she promised her mother to stay with him years ago? ¯\(o_Ō)/¯

So basically Claudia falls into an emotional grey space for me. I can’t really tell how to feel about her either way and I’ll just have to see where she goes from here, which, while fine, isn’t necessarily great for an end of season cliffhanger imo.

Seeing as I’ve already talked about some of the show’s shortcomings, I think it’s time to dive into some of the what I would consider flaws.

Firstly this show needed at least 12 episode seasons. I have never made a secret out of my dislike for the modern short seasons and while I recognise that in the current climate in the industry giving everything full 25 episode seasons isn’t really doable, the pacing of this show, especially for the first season is just outright bad at times. It works as of the second season, but the first season alternately feels like it’s either rushing through or crawling along the whole way through.

The believability of Rayla’s and the princes’ relationship really suffers from this the most. It comes a bit out of nowhere on the boat ride and is then taken for granted way to quickly. Like Callum, seriously, this girl tried to kill you and your brother not even a day ago and you are currently cut off from all allies you have ever had until now. A little skepticism isn’t misplaced here. I also wold’ve liked if we’d just gotten a bit more of a sense of movement with the characters. I get that this is not the kind of show where we can just make an entire episode about the characters travelling and camping, intercut with plots centred around a more expansive supporting cast, but still I really would’ve preferred if Xadia didn’t feel quite so around the corner.

Another issue is with setup and payoff, which I think is partially a consequence of the pacing as well. A lot of smaller plot points are set up within the same episode as the payoff just wreak havoc on the narrative structure. A good example is the episode where they ride down the river in a boat and Bait tires to go into the water, but is saved by Ezran, who then explains the story behind Glowtoads and how they are pefect bait for large water predators. Then Bait falls into the water and is attacked by a massive water monster. This happens within five minutes of one episode and never comes up again. To me that looks like sign of rushed editing, which is probably not entirely the crew’s fault, given that they are on a schedule from Netflix, but it’s still a point of critique.

It unfortunately also manifests in the occasional line of horribly forced dialogue, often for things we can literally see happening on screen. Again, this is mostly the case in the earlier episodes, but it never completely goes away.

Finally, and this is where i get into serious issues that made me want to write this, we gotta talk about representation in this show.

First: disabled representation, meaning Amaya. Why is Amaya deaf? Because it’s good to have disabled representation.

Why is Amaya deaf and a high-ranking military officer? Because they didn’t think it through.

I know this may be a contentious opinion, but it is my belief that the purpose of representation, particularly of disabilities characters may suffer from, in fiction is to, y’know, represent people as they are in life. That includes especially the struggles they face and have to overcome, sometimes their whole life. This is not just me talking out of my ass either. A couple years ago I discussed this with several people that are disabled, specifically blind or otherwise severely visually impaired, in a different context obviously, and the general consensus was that it’s better to have representation that shows their life and their abilities as they are, rather than how they might wish they could be.

A mute or deaf person cannot be a medieval fantasy army general, no matter how good they might be in melee combat or who’s sister they are, because at the end of the day, they’re not able to give commands while they are holding a sword and shield. That such a massive logical oversight, especially in comparison to the extremely well done example of representation I mentioned above, and has so little impact on the plot that it leads me to believe, this aspect of Amaya’s character was tacked on in the last minute without being given any thought for the sole reason of the story having a disabled person in it. All this does is necessitate the existence of two otherwise entirely unnecessary characters, Gren and Kazi, both of which achieve nothing, aside from sometimes being literal set dressing.

That is where representation ends and tokenism begins.

And unfortunately this generally lacklustre attitude also extends to the LGBT+ representation on the show.

As of S3E7 “Hearts of Cinder” we have had two onscreen gay couples on the show (onscreen in the sense that both partners were onscreen and they were somehow confirmed to be in a relationship on the show). One of these, the queens of Duren, literally die in the same flashback they are introduced in, which incidentally also features them invading a foreign nation to poach a rare animal and subsequently starting the conflict at the series’ core. Not a great look.

Aside from serving as a tragic backstory for their daughter, the most impact they had on my viewing experience was that they made wonder how the fuck royal succession works in Duren. (People who know me are rolling their eyes right now because I’m bringing anarchism into this Dragon Prince review, but I’m telling you, this why fantasy monarchies aren’t compatible with LGBT+ politics in the same setting. Dynastic governments are inherently bigoted, you can’t have it both ways.)

The other couple are Runaan and Ethari, Rayla’s caretakers, although if I’m being honest you wouldn’t be able tell based on Runaan’s treatment of Rayla in the first episode. By the time we actually meet Ethari and find out about their relationship with Rayla, Runaan is suffering “a fate worse than death” (direct quote from the show) trapped in a gold coin.

I mean come on. That’s about as “technically not ‘bury your gays’” as it gets.

I think I need to reiterate here that my point is not that this show or its creators are somehow malicious. As i stated in the TL;DR: I don’t think this is a dealbreaker for liking this show. But it does demonstrate that they are prone to slipping to some potentially harmful tropes and this needs to be criticised and pointed out to them.

In conclusion, I really love this show. It’s not ATLA, it never will be, nothing else will ever be ATLA no matter how badly (and terribly) Netflix tries. But it does and should not have to be.

What it has to do though is improve. A lot of the building blocks are already there, such as Aaravos or Claudia’s development, Callum’s father, the origin of Ezran’s ability, the purpose of the “Key of Aaravos”, the true fate of King Harrow (we all know his soul is in the bird, right?) etc. Some things like the treatment of Amaya’s disability unfortunately won’t be fixable as far as I can tell, but if they at least manage to fix the gay representation I can make my peace with that.

¹ I know I said I wouldn’t go into each of the characters individually, but a) you should never trust a stranger on the internet and b) I really want to talk a bit about Callum. Specifically the “mystery” of why the hell he is connected to the Sky Primal. I write “mystery” because I think it’s fairly obvious from whence this talent came: there is only one humanoid species we know of with innate access to the Sky Arcanum and one of Callum’s parent’s is unidentified, presumed dead. 2+2=4. Callum’s father was a Skywing Elf. That’s why he recognised Nyx’s boomerang weapon. He remembered one like it either from his very early childhood (remember that he has photographic memory) or Sarai kept one and he found it at some point.

On top of that the name “Callum” or at least the pronunciation is clearly derived from Latin “caelum” meaning “sky” or “weather” and I already mentioned that Ancient Draconic is just bad Latin. It’s not very subtle. Unless they pull a complete 180 concerning the lore about Primal Magic he’s definitely going to be a half-elf, which would also just so happen to make him the perfect mediator between the Human Kingdoms and Xadia. Hmm, it’s almost as if they are planning ahead.

My question: How the fuck did that happen? Or rather: how did that fuck happen? I don’t think even Harrow knew or he probably would’ve a) paid more attention when Sarai advised against poaching the Magma Titan, because obviously she’s gotten around Xadia more than him, if y’know what i’m sayin’ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) or at least b) put it in his final letter to Callum. Unfortunately we know basically nothing about Sarai except that she was a soldier alongside Amaya and already had Callum before marrying Harrow. So does Amaya know? This is probably the most interesting plot thread in the whole story and as far as my friends told me it’s not going to be touched on anymore in the last two episodes than it already has thus far, which is basically not at all.

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imsorryaboutallthejack · 4 years

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Theory time!

(I don't remember who made this title. Please, someone, let me know so I can credit them)(warning essay post)

Is no one gonna talk about how investing the personifications of Thomas’s sides have gotten? No talking about the expansion of the Sanders Sides’ as personas?

I feel that they have been getting textured in a far more believable manner, namely Patton. We have learned of the character’s identity in regards to Morality and in being its embodiment, the strict and oppressive nature of it.

Personally, I love the layering of doubt, stubbornness, and dejection going into the representation for them all.

Virgil and his past erasure, denying the essence of who he used to be and whom he used to affiliate with.

No one listening to Roman.

Also, can we all just accept that Deceit is dismissed way too easily by most of the sides? He suggests lying even once (always after someone else considered it) and everything else he says is lobbied out the window. (Yes I know he’s my favorite so I hAvE a BiAs)

I’m. So. Pumped! I have so many theories.

You know what? I’m about to get into it. Warning Long post!

FULL ESSAY MODE ENGAGING!

First: Let’s talk about the general character’s representations.

Within the realm of the series structure, we have learned about the weight of Thomas's opinions of his sides and their personifications. We’ve seen this with the Duke’s arrival, Marking him as the unwelcome side of Thomas’ creative thoughts.

This representation style for the character Doubles as a ground for individual motivations as well as the metaphysical repercussions of a side’s role, mentally for Thomas. Much Like how Thomas questioning his own good natured-ness being a discussion by Deceit and Morality, but also “Patton” and “whatever Deceit’s name is”.

Which means that a Side might make a decision or an appearance-based upon either a character choice-- which tends to be personal, or their supposed position in the ’Thomasphere’.

For example, Virgil is an anxious character who seeks to protect Thomas from poor decision making. However he also compulsively brings up information that he is aware is troubling to Thomas. Because in that regard he cannot separate himself from the role he plays in Thomas’s mind. Virgil could also make decisions based squarely upon personal bias. Such as avoiding telling Thomas about the “others” despite Thomas asking directly.

I mention this because Thomas’s general opinion regarding a set of traits dictates the representation of the characteristic when embodied. Take for example if Thomas looked more harshly on the idea of repressed thoughts. Morality’s character could have just as easily been called “Denial”. This still would have played into the character’s person being both stubborn, dismissive, and childish. A line like “where do babies come from?” despite being a dad could have been a reinforcement into the idea that Thomas couldn’t trust that voice in his head to be rational.

This simple implication leads me to leave that due to Thomas’ view on selfishness, that he too was erasing the potential contributions to be offered by a character like Virgil at the beginning of the Series. If Thomas valued vigilance more, then Virgil would have been seen as something like ‘Caution’ or ‘practicality’.

What I mean when I mention this is, Thomas is not an inherently reliable narrator, and thus the representations of characters framed by his opinion should be under scrutiny as well. We all can very easily see the value of a character like ‘Anxiety’ now that Thomas’s morality has taken the time to paint it in a positive light.

But why his morality and not Character Thomas alone? Because these ‘sides’ are all facets of Thomas. So there must be a part of him that is making these decisions about himself rather than just him as a whole. That part, in my opinion, is Patton.

Why does this distinction matter? Because the sides are also Characters. They have individual wants that--though they are not separate from Thomas, are separate from each other. They don’t inherently know each other’s names, they don’t know their memories, and they very specifically don’t know all they contribute. What they do know is how they interact with each other from their perspectives and experiences.

Does it seem like Deceit and Morality disagree? Well of course they do. One relies on self-sacrifice and the dismissal of negative identities, the other can spot lies and dishonesty, and functions on self-preservation and self-honesty as a priority. Of course, they can’t mix. But, whose claim to power would affect the other the most? Tell me, which of these two do you believe would cast the other to a forgotten part of Thomas’s mind? The direct selfish one, or the repressive, abnegatious one? (i may have made up that conjugation)

So by character and characterizations standpoint, there is reason to believe that the side with the most authority is Patton, Thomas’ Morality. This stands to reason why Thomas has spent the last few episodes questioning whether or not his ‘goodness’ is intact whenever he has to face off his own “banished” dispositions. Because if there is any part of Thomas that should dictate who he chooses to identify himself with, it is his Morality. (I believe)

It is for this reason that I have ‘Beef’ with the response Thomas has to Deceit, an entity who ‘by Patton’s own words ”acts with the one intention of self-preservation.” ( CLBG => 23:54) and Remus a literal stream of consciousness.

With deceit, I think there is more to the character than a personification of being untruthful, but instead, there is the willingness to be untruthful and the recognized deceit in others. He knows when any character is misplacing the truth and urges them to honesty, as though it is fine for Thomas to lie as long as it's not to himself (though deceit himself doesn't follow that rule). Which Is why I find it telling that he appears after the ‘Moving on’ episode (if we dismiss the Christmas episode). Patton--Thomas’s morality and framing for the rest of his thoughts, was lying to himself, and by association, to Thomas.

Second: The Deceit Character response

(I separated this from the first bit because I get VERy lost in the sauce when I talk about my Snake son.)

I’m gonna start off talking about the internal perception of deceit from the characters. Then go into the personification of the sides Dark sides included. This will include timestamps to the Selfishness v. Selflessness Episode.

Let’s look at the beginning of the episode (3:53) "so I can't join in and give my honest opinion"

It’s bizarre that should Deceit directly say that Thomas wanted to go to the callback, the core sides would have said he was lying. This character has to LITERALLY disguise himself for anyone to listen to him. He then continues to go out of his way to show the rest of the group Evidence as to why Thomas felt this way. That seems to be what it takes for them to even think about it.

He tries to be straight forward at (5:25) "do you want the part in the movie or not" no lies no tricks. But when Thomas won't answer, Roman does. Then this happens.

(6:26) "maybe Mary and Lee will understand" - Roman

(6:28) "Roman, this is their big day. We have to be there for them" - Patton

(6:32) "We don't have to do anything" - Deceit

What the literal Frick Patton? He can't even ask? Roman suggested a non Deceitful option for Thomas to make and you slapped it down. But now that Deceit suggested lying, Roman had to throw that whole decision out the window?

Also, you wanna hear toxic self-talk? "But what about us? What about us?" Think about if someone else said that.

"but what about me" "what about you?" That's horrible! You Fricken matter dude! Sure it's not ideal, but you weren't born to be a doormat for your friends.

There is a point where Patton’s opinion on Thomas’ friends exceeds even the suggestions of said friends. Apparently, Thomas is to throw away his chances at happiness for the sake of his friends’ without even knowing if that would make them happy. I can’t see how this is a fruitful way of thinking.

Plus as an added bonus, there is as much disregard for Thomas’s say on the matter as his friends. Anything that doesn’t align with a perfectly selfless gesture is thrown out, outright. Even Thomas’ own decisions.

(7:16) "you don't mean any of this" Patton that definitely doesn’t sound a little gaslighty. But to be fair, he acknowledged that much at the end.

Then a bit later, when Patton is telling Thomas how he feels. You could see that Deceit knows No one would believe him should he call mortality dishonest, though his character can literally tell. (7:21)

Ughhh I can't wait for this thread to be resolved. It is literally killing me.

I feel that this is more than enough reason to at least consider: Deceit is trying to be helpful. He is self-preservation, (though with more plots of deception) and serves a purpose in Thomas’ thoughts. Just. Like. Virgil.

Though Virge isn't exactly the best at fully accepting himself either. He didn't want to tell Thomas that he was a dark side and refuses to associate with his past. Though he knows he was doing it for a good reason. Isn't it telling that even when Virge is doing it for self-preservation reasons, he doesn't think Thomas will think it's ok? And who determines what Thomas thinks is ok?

(30:58) “If Thomas wanted to be seen as a good friend more than he wanted the role of a lifetime, well then I’m all for that. but I just don’t buy it.”

He is instinctual and Thomas' views on self-preservation seem to be what makes Deceit unwelcome to the group in the first place. Like Remus. Like Virgil. How do we know Thomas’ views on things like self-preservation? His morality shouts it out.

(29:52)

"acting in your own Self Interest" - Deceit

"but that's wrong" - Patton

Only later do we find out in Intrusive thoughts that Patton’s repressive and strict nature can be potentially harmful to Thomas. Just as high expectations for one’s self can negatively skew one’s self-sense of worth and decency. This is something I get and absolutely value in Patton’s characterization.

Morality in itself is a strictness with our thoughts, actions, and beliefs. To truly encourage good deeds there must be either a reward or a punishment. They can be small but the choice to obey must be an indispensable resource. For the sake of good deeds coming to action, It is necessary that Morality behaves this way. Granted that there are Checks and Balances for its authority. But again, there can be too much strictness, as Intrusive Thoughts portrays.

I feel that this is important to keep in mind for Deceit's personification. He has to exist in a way that still protects Thomas while under Patton's stronger ideals. So how must he guide Thomas?

When he actually had to make Thomas say what he wanted himself, He asked about four times. And interestingly enough all he did was make Thomas be honest. It was at this point where I wished I could have gotten to hear what the scenario was for. Because I find it very telling that Deceit only hurt Thomas by making him be honest about his wants. Thomas looked so defeated. Not about wanting to lie about it. But about the actual truth spurring on the lie. Why did it hurt him to want to follow his dreams?

I feel that this representation of the character is more conducive to expressing Thomas’ unhealthy expectations for himself.

This is terrible working conditions as a voice of self-gain to be heeded. How is anyone meant to look after Thomas when their intentions are so actively misinterpreted? Deceit works to make Thomas Happy and seems to be the only one doing so consistently (out of the only two and a half episodes he was in).

If there is anything more telling of this, it is the fact that Thomas “taking care of himself” went from Patton (Way Too Adult) to Roman(Growing up) to Logan(WDWGOoBiTM). No character has been able to sustainably take care of Thomas in this way despite their role in his life. Even Roman is willing to dash his dreams if met with enough opposition.

Thomas’ morality does not dictate his self-care or his general wants, neither does his logical side or Fanciful one, unfortunately. If they did, Deceit would not have to be the one making the rest of the aspects listen to Thomas’s Wants.

Roman is literally Thomas's ego. Hence why Deceit mainly shows up for him, both times. Deceit is internal maintenance while Patton is the external (intercommunication-al) maintenance, it would seem.

Finally: A Resolution

I think "Discovering Balance" would be a great addition to this series, by having Virgil and Deceit come to an understanding as much as Deceit and Patton.

Plus Deceit must have been in a similar position to Patton when Virgil was a dark side, encouraging him to keep Thomas alert, for Thomas' preservation. Seeing as the character also hold s the reins over Remus. But it's fairly important to note that Virgil's external worries come from logic and internal ones come from perceived moral failure. Such as ruining friendships.

Which means Patton's inability to see the worst in people (even Thomas) and strong values would make a character like Virgil particularly susceptible to wanting to both protect and gain the favor of him. This might mean washing away his past, a thing he has yet to resolve.

I have no doubt that Patton can come around to any of the dark sides. He’s been pretty open to understanding things, (if presented the way it is destructive to Thomas to avoid). But I think having Virgil lead him and Thomas through it, would be far more valuable. Thomas needs to learn to love himself and he can’t do that by hiding from difficult truths. I think a chance to have the dark sides accepted openly and directly would help put Thomas at ease with himself.

But again there needs to be balance. Thomas must keep his behaviors to others in mind, but also his own self-care.

At the current state of things, The fact that he isn't allowed to seek out external opinions on his behaviors (like not talking to Lee and Mary Lee) is a sign that there isn't balance on this side either. And he's not seeking any reinforcement for his wants being VALID. That just won’t do.

He needs to talk to his friends. I can't stress this enough.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

P.S. I do love Patton, but I think it is irresponsible for the character not to acknowledge the pressure he’s putting Thomas under. He seems to be getting around to it, so I still love him. But that does not mean I have lost any love for my Snek boi.

#thomas sanders #the sanders sides #Morality #patton #Deceit #virgil #anxiety #the dark sides #sympathetic dark sides #sympathetic deceit #seriously #intrusive thoughts #selfishness vs selflessness #THEORY #long post #Very long post #Essay post #I know it's long #but i have been thinking about this for a while

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occasionaltouhou · 4 years

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Is this how I do the prompt request thing? If so, Miko + Byakuren "Diplomacy"

thank you for giving me another chance to bully miko

Toyosatomimi no Miko had been a master of diplomacy even before she’d had the ability to read desires. She had out-talked and out-thought political rivals a countless number of times, pulling the strings across Japan and even outside of it to fulfil her goals. Now that she could read the desires of others, she considered herself unmatched – capable of bending anyone she spoke with to her own will.

So why was she so nervous?

The Myouren Temple was technically an enemy of hers, but she and them had long since slipped into the comfortable territory of being friendly rivals rather than outright foes. Even Futo was only trying to burn it down every few weeks. And the thing she’d come to discuss would benefit them both – a temporary alliance, to investigate the Perfect Possession Incident that was currently affecting Gensokyo.

And yet, she kept getting the words mixed up in her head. The master diplomat was barely able to put together a sentence that would clearly explain her intent without getting the matter confused. Worse, she was plagued with the fear that the head monk would reject her outright, which was laughable for two reasons – first, she knew Hijiri Byakuren too well to think that she would do that; and second, why should she care even if she did? All that meant is that she’d have to find someone else to collaborate with.

But she wanted it to be Byakuren.

Those thoughts rattled through her mind as she walked up to the Temple. The nyuudou user, Ichirin, held out her hand, and asked her intent.

“I want to speak to Hijiri, if that’s acceptable,” said Miko. “I have a request of her that I can only make in person.”

Ichirin frowned. “I’ll go and get her,” she said after a moment. “Kyouko, guard the gate for a little while!”

The yamabiko walked over and grinned at Miko. “Wanna hear the sutras I’ve been practicing?” she asked.

“Maybe next time,” replied Miko. These youkai, at least, she could manage with no trouble at all.

After a few minutes, Ichirin returned, with Byakuren following. The monk smiled at her pleasantly.

“How unusual to see you coming here, Miko,” she said. “Ichirin says you have something to ask of me?”

Here she goes.

“Hijiri Byakuren,” started Miko, “I would like to propose–”

She hesitated. The second half of her sentence had slipped away from her, even as she was thinking it.

Byakuren and Ichirin both frowned at her.

She rallied herself desperately. “Hijiri Byakuren,” she repeated, “I would like to propose a union–”

She paused again. Ichirin glanced at her, and then glanced at the monk with something approaching disbelief.

“Ah–? Lady Hijiri, is there something between you and her–?!” she cried.

Miko blinked, and then realised, too late, what she’d said.

“It’s about Perfect Possession, correct?”

Byakuren was watching her carefully.

“I– It is, yes. I came to propose a truce.” Miko paused again, and this time, thankfully, the sentences came to her. “I believe that if we collaborate, we can solve it and prevent it from causing too much harm.”

“You think people might be at risk?” asked Byakuren.

“I do, yes. Or at the very least, I think there’s something more dangerous running beneath all of this.”

Byakuren nodded. “I think so too,” she said. “I was actually going to request your help later.”

“You were?!” cried Ichirin, surprised.

“Miko is a reliable ally,” stated Byakuren, smiling. “I’m certain that with her help, we’ll be able to resolve this incident. And you can help too, Ichirin.”

“With the Taoists…?” replied Ichirin, weakly. “With that Taoist…?”

“It’ll be good for us to learn to cooperate,” said Byakuren calmly. “Now, Miko, shall we work out our strategy?”

“Of course,” replied Miko. Everything had gone perfectly. She was still the master diplomat she thought she was–

“And next time,” added Byakuren, with that same, tranquil smile, “you can invite me to a meal before you try being that brazen.”

–more or less.

#toyosatomimi no miko #byakuren hijiri #byakumiko #Anonymous #occasional fics #occasional prompts

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hellzyeahwebwielingessays · 4 years

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The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 16: MJ is being extremely selfish

Previous Part

Next Part

Master Post

Last time I pointed out how its a false equivalency to claim being Spider-Man’s lover is no more dangerous than working with Mysterio.

This time out I will detail how MJ is, at least arguably, being extremely selfish in AMJ #1. Specifically, selfish in regards to her career. To explain how and why though we’re going to have to delve into MJ’s life priorities, in particular how she views her marriage to Peter.

There are various scenes in AMJ #1 that at least imply she is:

Leveraging her silence to improve her character’s role in Mysterio’s movie

Impressed/excited to be working on the movie

Hoping the film will serve her future career prospects well; possibly by opening up the possibility of a spin-off for her character.

When taken in context of the story it can come across as though MJ’s sincere enthusiasm for making the films, and her hopes It will aid her career, are factors in her keeping quiet about Mysterio.

That in addition to any hypothetical sympathy she might possess for Beck/his crew, any hopes they could use his opportunity to reform (or at least contribute something positive to the world), she is also thinking about herself.*

On the other hand that might not be the intent by Williams, Gomez. Or it might not be how the story pans out.

But for the sake of argument let’s pretend it is. In that case then it would be yet another (perhaps the worst) example of mischaracterization in the entire story.

Let me spell it out for you plainly.

Mary Jane would NEVER prioritise her career prospects over the potential safety and well being of innocent people.

Never.

I’d have thought that was obvious but apparently it’s yet another thing that needs to be proven with evidence. Thankfully I have just such evidence.

The first and most obvious reason for why this is utterly out of character for MJ links back to something I mentioned earlier. Specifically in part 9.

We know MJ understands and puts into practice Peter’s underlying life lesson, that she herself tries to live by it in her own way. Peter, pretty much from the day his uncle died, has strived to be selfless in general, in particular in regards to his hero duties. Indeed it is this selflessness that so often strained his romantic relationships, which included his one with MJ.

It is therefore not believable that for her own financial or career interests MJ would be so lenient with criminals or allow them to operate essentially freely with no accountability. At best this is still fairly similar to what Peter did in Amazing Fantasy #15.

One might argue that MJ just values her career thatmuch. That she has had such struggle so hard to make it work in the past that this opportunity is something she doesn’t want to let slip by.

This then calls into question just how much MJ values her career in the grand scheme of things, so let’s take yet another dive into history lesson to examine that.

In ASM #303 Peter was offered a great new job, the catch being that it was in Kansas. This would not only entail moving to that state but also MJ potentially giving up her beloved modelling career. MJ was forced to question what was more important to her, her career or her marriage.

Ultimately she decided it was her marriage, though thankfully Peter opted to turn the job down for her sake.

Another example can be found in ASM #502, which transpires not too long after Peter and MJ have gotten back together following a separation. Immediately following their reconciliation MJ took a break from her fledging acting career, having just starred in a super hero movie, Lobster Man. She did this in order to move back to NYC and work things out with Peter. In this issue though she raises the topic of returning to work (which would involve spending a lot of time in L.A.) but qualifies she won’t if it would risk harming their relationship.

More recent stories maintain this characterization, such as ASM v5 #29 which actually leads directly into AMJ. In the issue MJ clearly wants to take up the role in Mysterio’s movie offered to her. But she is also torn because it would entail leaving Peter for a long while. Peter, aware of her feelings, reluctantly encourages her to go. It is heavily implied this encouragement is at least an important factor in MJ’s decision to pursue the role, but even then she raises the idea of changing her mind.

To jump back in time a little, Sensational Spider-Man v2 #32 provides us with our final example of how MJ values her relationship with Peter over her own career.

In the issue MJ is dealing with the ramifications of Peter unmasking to the world and consequently (along with MJ and Aunt May) going on the run when the Super Human Registration Act was enforced.

Pushed to her wits end and wrestling with her life falling apart MJ is frustrated by her loss of status and career. However, by the issue’s end she’s come to terms with her new status and reaffirmed her commitment to her husband.

For sure, these are not a 1:1 equivalent to the situation under discussion. In AMJ we’re talking about MJ’s career vs. her sense of justice and in the above examples the question is between her career vs. her marriage.

It’d be fairly easy to argue that obviously MJ values her marriage more than her career, as Peter himself does too. Surely most people in healthy relationships have similar priorities?

But by the same token wouldn’t common sense dictate that if MJ was willing to give up her career for the sake of a relationship she’d also be willing to give it up for something that, in the grand scheme of things, is actually much more important; namely people’s lives?

After all, Peter may well give up his heroic duties for the health of his loved ones, but he wouldn’t do it simply to retain a relationship with them. This is evidenced in ‘Maximum Carnage’ when Peter reluctantly goes against MJ’s wishes of taking a break due to Carnage attacking the city, a fact MJ ultimately accepted.

This shows us that, as hard as it can be for Mary Jane, she believes in the need for Spider-Man in the world (to protect the innocent and apprehend crooks) and places the importance for that over her relationship with him.

She might not like it, but she recognizes the greater good.

This sentiment is further corroborated in ASM v2 #50, wherein MJ and Peter try to patch up their marriage. In the conversation MJ outright states that she never wanted nor expected Peter to place her above his duties, and that she never wanted to interfere with them.***

MJ’s recognition that her and Peter’s relationship is ultimately trumped by Peter’s heroic duties is glimpsed again in ASM v5 #29.

MJ hopes Peter will accompany her to the airport before she departs for L.A. but Spidey stuff gets in the way. Whilst she admits him letting her down again upset her she also calmly acknowledges that his work was more important because he is saving the world/innocent lives.

What I’m saying is if MJ ultimately prioritizes Peter’s duties (and thus the well being of innocent people) over keeping her marriage in tact and also values keeping her marriage in tact over her career then obviously she prioritizes innocent lives over her career.

Or to put it more succinctly, MJ’s priorities read like this:

Innocent lives>Her marriage>Her career.

Additionally in Spider-Man Unlimited v3 #2 Mary Jane simply states outright that she values Spidey’s heroic duties as more important than her career.

In the story MJ ponders how it is ridiculous for her to be treated like royalty for being an actress whilst a hero like Spidey gets nothing.

She even denigrates her job in comparison to the importance his role as a hero is. Finally she voices upset about feeling useless in the face of what he does. Her upset is alleviated when Peter informs her that she is an important factor in enabling him to be a hero in the first place.

The story very clearly outlines that MJ places distinctly greater value on Peter’s role as a hero than her job in the entertainment industry.

It also arguably proves MJ on some level wants to contribute to Peter’s role as a protector of innocents and catcher of the guilty herself. In this regard it isn’t alone as some other stories arguably tap into that idea too.

In a part 9 I looked at how in Web Annual #6 MJ keenly participated in jury duty. This could be taken as evidence of MJ wanting to participate in the justice system as Peter (sort of) does. And if we return to ASM v2 #50 we can find a little more food for thought in the very moment Pete and MJ reconcile.

In the trade versions of the issue (which I admit brings the canonicity into question a bit) MJ reveals that the reason she separated from Peter was because she felt like she was unneeded in his life (as Spider-Man), that she wasn’t a part of it and that she couldn’t help.

This could be taken as a further example of how MJ in fact wishes to contribute to Peter’s ‘mission’ as it were, though I admit that isn’t a watertight argument.

Furthermore let’s consider a particular moment from AMJ #1 itself. As you might recall, MJ noticed the presence of super powered people and criminals on the film set along with her as well as how the director (Cage McKnight) was avoiding her.

This was in spite of writing the role for her, hiring her without an audition and insisting she be in the movie. MJ was suspicious and confronted McKnight demanding to know what kind of con he was pulling. Although he insisted it wasn’t a set up, his inability to provide any answers led to MJ quitting.

She stated she wasn’t an innocent, naïve, unsophisticated young actress who could be scammed with empty promises and promptly began to walk away.

Whilst it’s possible to argue that MJ was simply bluffing in order to know the truth, the likelihood is she seriously intended to leave.

Consider the fact that she has acknowledged the presence of criminals, the director literally running away from her and the questionable circumstances behind her hiring. Specifically she claims to have come to the conclusion that the film is not legitimate.

Do these preceding events really imply that MJ was merely bluffing? Unlikely, she can clearly tell something smells fishy and she’s at the centre of it somehow. Realistically, common sense would dictate not sticking around for the sake of your career, especially if you’ve concluded there isn’t actually a career opportunity to be had in the first place.

Mary Jane doesn’t know the specifics of the con. For all she knows she could be caught up in general crime, some kind technically legal Hollywood scam, a sinister plot connected to Spider-Man (which would technically be correct), yet another obsessed stalker or some kind of #MeToo moment waiting to happen.

Regardless, she was prepared to walk and potentially throw away any career opportunity she might have by sticking around.

If she was prepared to do that with the limited information she had then when she learns of the actual situation why would she stick around?

Now, you could argue that MJ is concerned for the careers and livelihoods of the crewmembers who are not criminals. But even this doesn’t stand up to scrutiny because that’s the equivalent of caring about the people unknowingly employed by a crime lord. If the crime lord goes down they lose their jobs. That sucks, that’s horrible. But their jobs are obviously far less important than the potential lives and livelihoods of other innocent people Beck might harm.

Yes it’s a choice between lesser evils but it’s a necessary choice, and one the police make regularly. People can find new jobs, but lives are irreplaceable after all.

There is some food for thought supporting this too, gleamed from Spider-Man’s own actions.

In a story from Spider-Man Unlimited #11 a poor criminal (named Joe) with a wife and baby is apprehended by Spider-Man. He desperately begs Spidey to let him go for his family’s sake. Though Spidey takes in Joe’s words and is implied to believe him, he ultimately doesn’t agree. Harsh as it might be, he simply tells Joe he should have thought about his family before he broke the law.

At the issue’s end Peter is arguably upset by the experience, and yet he clearly didn’t change how he operated.

Later, in the Clone Saga, Ben Reilly was shocked to learn that his new lover, Jessica Carradine, was in fact the daughter of Uncle Ben’s killer. He learned that as a result of her father being caught by Spider-Man Jessica had a hard life growing up in foster homes. Peter and MJ were fully aware of the situation with Jessica and helped Ben work through his feelings.

It is important to note that at this time Ben, Peter and MJ all believed Ben was the original Peter Parker, the actual person bitten by the radioactive spider. This meant that as far as they knew Ben was the one who personally apprehended Jessica’s father.

In spite of this information though neither Peter nor Ben ever even considered changing how they operated as Spider-Man, nor did MJ ever suggest they do so in light of Jessica’s experiences

Finally in ASM v2 #55-56 Peter discovers that Melissa (a student he was teaching) was the younger sister of a criminal he apprehended named Joshua. Joshua’s capture had a negative effect upon the rest of his family. This included him keeping his distance after being released from jail. Peter learned that Joshua was hanging out with other reformed criminals under the eye of Ezekiel Sims, a friend of his who knew his identity. Ezekiel basically called Peter out for not checking in on the criminals he captured, nor their families.

Though Peter claimed this was an impossible task, by the story’s end he did at least consider trying to attempt the feat. He also informed MJ about this incredibly unique experience even in amidst his incredibly unique life, meaning it’s something she’d be likely to remember.

Noticeably though neither in the story nor thereafter, did Peter ever consider not bringing criminals in out of concern for the unintended consequences. In fact, upon learning the truth about Joshua’s group he still made it clear that if they did anything even slightly out of line he’d turn in the organization.

It’s clear from these examples that Peter believes that criminals are worth capturing even if there might be negatives consequences upon their families. It’s something he doesn’t like but his sense of justice places the greater good upon the innocent people who are or might be harmed by the criminals above the families more indirectly affected by the criminals going to prison. Logically the extension of this mentality is that Spider-Man prioritises preventing crime and apprehending criminals over the jobs that might be affected by their capture, because a family seeing one of their own sent to jail and struggling with their loss is obviously not as bad as simply losing your own job.

Once again I will remind you that MJ’s own sense of justice is extremely similar to Peter’s and in fact directly influenced by it. Thus it is very possible that MJ shares this sense of priorities.

But I will admit how much MJ is aware of these incidents and how much she directly applies them to herself can be debated. Nevertheless it’s at least something to consider. Even if you feel these examples are not really applicable to MJ, just real life common sense would dictate that you shouldn’t let dangerous criminals walk free just because you are costing (merely potentially) innocent people their current jobs. Even if they were blacklisted from Hollywood MJ could at least put in a word for them with her acquaintance, billionaire Tony Stark, who might be able to find them other work.

Moving on, next time we’re going to examine the fact that in AMJ Mary Jane is knowingly deceiving Peter.

*Note that they are contributing something important to the world through deceiving investors and using the identity and reputation of someone who hasn’t consented to any of that.

**It is worth bearing in mind that between Ben Reilly being Spider-Man at this time and MJ being heavily pregnant, her desire for him to remain retired was entirely sympathetic.

***Before anyone brings it up, yes, strictly speaking this is not true. Maximum Carnage alone seemingly contradicts this sentiment. But it’s fairly easy to argue that MJ’s dialogue here is speaking specifically about their marriage (not their pre-martial relationship) and excluding extenuating circumstances. Circumstances such as the immediate aftermath of Harry’s ‘death’, MJ’s pregnancy, and Peter being seriously injured. Alternatively it’s entirely possible to argue that MJ is speaking about how she feels deep down at the end of the day, not how she might’ve felt during off days where she was occasionally less understanding than others.

After all Peter himself deep down is dedicated to being Spider-Man but he has quit or contemplated quitting multiple times.

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#Leah Williams #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #MJ Watson #Amazing Mary Jane #Mysterio #Spider-Man #Peter Parker #quentin beck

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dentalrecordsmusic · 6 years

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DRM Unplugged: Exploring Musicians & Mental Health with Mike Bogs of Babe Patrol

In this guest blog series, Dental Records Music invites any and all alternative musicians to share their experiences with mental illness in order to shed light on the issues and hurdles they must face in order to create and perform. If you would like to read more and follow our series, check out this link. You can also check out PunkTalks.org for information on getting help and support if you are a musician who is struggling.

The following is a guest post by Mike Bogs, the guitarist for Babe Patrol. This is his story.

Most people will observe the “rockstar” lifestyle as being thrill-driven, so that any form of personal suffering is subsequently a direct consequence of living their life “on the edge.” However, in dispelling this warped delusion, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Sometimes the actual truth is difficult to face, and mental health, especially, is not discussed honestly enough. Unfortunately, we exist in a reality in which we have lost many of our beloved musicians and artists to absolute measures of self-harm, such as substance abuse and suicide.

Creatives continuously suffer excess anxiety over the scrutiny from those who are verbally critical of their craft. Even more debilitating though, is the potential of self-doubt and how it takes a toll on these talented individuals’ personal worth. It is difficult to understand how something so negative can come from someone with such a positive impact on others. For a lot of people, unless you are actively engaging in creative activity as your main passion on a daily basis, it’s confusing to figure out how these self-endangering behaviors can fester within an individual.

In working creatively there is a struggle of intense ambivalent emotions that occur. An artist can not create things that do not come from an emotional place without also feeling vulnerable. When you are emotionally invested in your work, it can leave you defenseless to a variety of mental strife that is created both from outside influences and internal doubt. During a thriving creative process, you enter a flow state, and enter into a manic-like state. Ideas can come from anything, creation can start with nothing at all, and this phenomenon can be extremely euphoric. This sets up a scenario, where the extremely low feelings will become an inevitability. As a musician and guitarist, I identify with this in enduring my own struggles with bouts of depression resulting from the intensity of these emotions.

Fortunately, my musical abilities have been invaluable to me in building confidence and have created a platform for me to form incredible relationships with other musicians and admirers alike. However, as is the nature with any passion driven project, these skills can also develop into a curse of sorts if you do not keep your mental health in check. For me personally, after my more immature years the fantasy of becoming a glorified rockstar seemingly became a delusion. At a certain point, a realization begins about the amount of sacrifice and effort one has to endure just to become a self-sustaining musician in today’s world. Most all artists will deal with countless instances of playing disappointing shows, releasing records that go undetected, and most debilitating of all, spending money without any prospect for a guaranteed financial return. After years of playing in many defunct and unsuccessful bands, I had moved away entirely from performing music for a brief period of my life.

It had driven me to stop participating in bands for a period of time to become a solo “bedroom musician”. In doing so, my new musical venture and goal was to pursue my passion for music by writing songs on my own. I worked vigorously in recording music on my computer while simultaneously educating myself about audio production and mixing in the hopes of releasing my own music. However, my biggest strife eventually became weighing the value of my work, as self-fulfilling projects can start to feel insignificant. One can really start to question if there is any point whatsoever in writing and releasing anything you’ve done before making it available to the masses. I soon developed a habit of denouncing my own songwriting by destroying more material than I was creating. It had gotten to the point where I was taking entire albums length of songs that I had recorded and permanently deleted those files from my desktop. Within them, I had everything mapped out precisely where I envisioned it and spent countless hours and sleepless nights figuring out how everything should be, all for a self-defeating act of eliminating it from existence entirely. By committing myself to an action that extreme and literally proceeding to destroy what I intended as my own personal “masterpiece”, so to speak, can be a tremendous blow to endure. Inevitably, actions like this have plagued me for years with ceaseless anxiety about my own self-worth and fallen into periodical depressive states from my inability to have something “show something for myself” in the form the music.

The manners in which I’ve learned to cope with these disappointments spawned from further struggles when I had gotten back into playing in bands. Although I am a perfectionist to a certain degree, I play every show as if it was my last and thus free my mind from all outside concerns. I put great anticipation into putting on a great performance for everyone who will attend and hopefully try to give them a meaningful memory, or a brief moment of enjoyment at the very least by showing my energy when the power of music takes over. However. after every single set I play through, I suffer the post-show blues. After rehearsing for hours and then playing a show, I reach a feeling of elation on stage to the point of having quasi out of body experiences. This would be immediately concluded with self-defeating thoughts and feelings, I developed an aversion to accepting any praise from others. I used to deal with this either by drinking heavily or abandoning my mental participation to the fullest extent by dissociating myself from the event entirely. This ended up being an outright rude way to behave around people and at times became reckless and potentially self-endangering.

It took me a while to realize that there was a clinical understanding of this phenomenon called Post-Performance Depression, PPD. After becoming more aware that this affliction is shared among all performers I developed a concern for others. So I started dealing with my own issues by supporting others with theirs and learned that having meaningful conversations was my saving grace.

I proceeded to make it my mission at shows to try my best to get to know the other musicians there. Too often people put up the mantle of competition between their co-artists in a bout for the most attention, or appreciative claim. Conversely, for me, it became an opportunity to get to know the like-minded individuals who are fueled by their own suppressed passions. Coincidentally, I soon discovered from these talented individuals that they go through just about the same charades when dealing with their own personal material. Similarly to myself, they are uncertain, self-deprecating; especially to the songs that they internally hold so precious to themselves. After identifying and empathizing with others I would be comforted in knowing that I was not alone in the ways I felt. It was difficult for me to understand at times how someone else so talented can feel this way about themselves and hide their creations. So in realizing my own personal struggles I became most rewarded in working to inspire those around me and convince them that they needed to share their art with the world.

I also think it’s important to realize that there are really only a few people out there that seemingly have the power to bring you down. It could be the internet trolls, who hide behind their illuminated veils with the sole intention of devaluing an artist’s work. Although, I think it is important not to fear criticism or suppress how you truly feel about something in a critique, the magnitude of malicious intent is what separates the predatory cyberbullies from the actively participating music critics. It may also be your peers, the ones that know you well and also don’t. Every artist implants a fantasy in their mind about what the big show might be like, the gratitude you possibly could receive from others if they share their enjoyment in your performance. Or the big release date, the day you finally reveal to everyone what you have been laboring on during your free time. It’s unavoidable to over analyze how your work may be interpreted. But it's so important to mature yourself in taming these fears and persisting to continue working and sharing what you love.

Just as suppressing the severity of your mental state by not talking about what's affecting you to other people, I truly believe that concealing your musical talents and songwriting creations will have the same impact on your mental state. It’s contributed much to my own suffering but I have learned, that although coping with these fears can be unavoidable sometimes, it is important to speak honestly with people you trust and who will not judge you for how you are feeling. By concealing my music out of paranoia, I’ve done not only a disservice to myself, but more importantly and the hardest to realize, I’ve let down my supportive peers in the music community by not sharing. There is always someone out there awaiting something, new and original and they will find value you never realized that is within your own work. This prospect has become so important to me now in continuing on with my own artistic development. It has given me the determination to support those in the community that are not alone in this journey of discovering their self-worth. I truly encourage everyone to become more aware and help those that are suffering. Even the smallest actions can make all the difference in the world.

_______________________________________________________________________

Mike Bogs is the guitarist for punk band Babe Patrol. You can follow him and check out Babe Patrol’s music on Bandcamp, Spotify, and Apple Music. Be sure to follow the band on Facebook and Instagram as well to keep up on their travels.

If you or someone you know is a musician and struggling with mental illness, check out PunkTalks.org.

Follow DRM on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

#babe patrol #mike bogdanowicz #mental health #mental illness #musicians #musician #punktalks #music #feature #drm unplugged

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davids69811 · 3 years

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Discovering a Computer Service Center You Can Trust Fund

Your have a computer repair that requires to get done right now. You are ready to take it anywhere. Concern is, where should you take it? Does it actually matter where you take it? I would suggest that it does. Here are some things you might have not considered before. PC Repairs

What sort of reverse time do they have? Some computer system repair shops will take two to three weeks to return your computer to you. Are you ready to be without your computer for that long? Otherwise, shop around. There are computer system service center that can get your computer back to you in just a few hours. Some of these faster companies can bill a lot more yet the rate is worth it if you are working with a huge project that has to get done as soon as possible.

What do they bill for their hourly fee? Some firms bill actually high fees and take an actually long time to obtain the computer system back to you. You wish to take your repair service to a computer repair shop that will certainly fast as well as will certainly do the repair right the first time. Try to find a computer service center that uploads their prices. Most shops have an established catalog for particular tasks. Try to find a business that can offer you a solid quote before they start their job. You must likewise ensure they will certainly contact you for authorization if there is any type of reason to boost their repair service expense prior to they start the repair service PC Repairs.

Computer System Repair Service - Choosing a Computer System Service Center While on Vacation

Even in this slowing economy, lots of people still handle to take a holiday. As well as if you are like me, whether you travel for service and/or satisfaction, you bring a laptop.

Getaway Issues

Unfortunately, a fair quantity of people have their laptops damage while vacationing. As careful as you attempt to be, you run out your element and things happen. Maybe it gets dropped at the resort, or maybe you obtain it infected with viruses or spyware while searching online for information about your area. Now, I'm not saying by any means, that Googling for info about some vacation hotspot straight causes getting contaminated. However internet search engine outcomes can lead you to destructive links.

Everybody's internet searching routines are different, their internet sharp vary and so do the safety and security items they use. I know of people vacationing that have actually taken numerous video clips and pictures as well as downloaded them to their laptop computer so they can take more the following day. After that ... BOOM! an unexpected and unforeseen issue occurs with their laptop computer PC Repairs.

If you aren't there for long as well as have a serious trouble, you could simply want to wait till you get residence to have it fixed. However if you have a pair days, or have a computer system emergency situation that can't wait, there are many regional computer system fixing firms that can assist.

Exactly how to Select a Neighborhood Computer Repair Company

First of all, if your computer still start up and you think it is simply a software trouble such as a program error or a spyware infection, you are a great candidate for an on site go to. But if you want service the same day you call, you must call as early as possible, as on site solution is normally by visit only PC Repairs.

An additional note regarding on site service is that there are a variety of mobile only specialists (free-lancers) and stores that can dispatch their very own mobile professionals. In either case, their charge as well as level of experience can differ considerably. I need to admit, that when a customer is concerned concerning whether the technician can handle the job, I do not like obtaining talked to over the phone for 15 mins and after that the prospective consumer asks if they can call you back. That normally implies to us that you have no intention of calling back and also you simply really did not want to harm our feelings. Whatever the situation, there was some objection, generally the cost, trust, inquiries about being able to handle the work, organizing, or whatever PC Repairs.

Asking Concerns

What I would certainly state you should seek, is a specialist that agrees to pay attention to your trouble, and after that ask "YOU" sufficient inquiries to obtain a company understanding about your computer trouble. Many customers have a hard time attempting to explain their issue and just require a little support. You ought to begin feeling secure when the service technician begins to clarify the symptoms and also some feasible causes back to you in words that make sense. I have fixed sufficient computers (lots of thousands) that I can possibly get sufficient information out of you to describe the situation that brought about your issue, along with a fair estimate.

Inside Information

Currently some professionals, including myself sometimes, will certainly have a tendency to restrict "all" the feasible causes for your problem, so as not to frighten you. We can only do so a lot over the phone, and also if there were a small chance of the issue being a pricey motherboard, I wouldn't want to dwell on that if it were more probable to be another thing. Envision your Medical professional discussing cancer cells when you thought you just had a negative cold, and he had not also run any type of examinations yet. However sometimes, despite just how much we hope it isn't serious, often it is. Currently simply to be reasonable, I recognize the client likewise often tends to maintain info to themselves also, for the anxiety that exposing every little thing will certainly make the task cost extra. Whatever the problems are, they will eventually be disclosed throughout fixing anyway. However called long as possible up front aids us to offer you a far better estimate over the phone so we can perform the repair service with no surprises ... for "both" people. Simply remember that we have no control over what you bring us ... what it is, is what it is PC Repairs.

Sadly, some service technicians just intend to set the consultation and don't wish to claim a lot over the phone besides to set the consultation. These guys do not know what they will certainly be walking right into, and also you may obtain a surprise in your bill. I such as to take a little bit of time as well as speak about the problem to see if the task even qualifies to be done on site, because frankly, there are some jobs I do not wish to accept, at the very least out website. They may be labor intensive, making it hard to maintain the rate down, or it simply may require the full-service abilities of a shop.

How much time Should a Repair Work Take?

The majority of on site techs charge per hour, as well as most "telephone certified" tasks need to be able to be repaired on site in between 1 - 2 hours. For suspicious tasks and also outright labor intensive work, I recommend you bring them into a store. Once checked-in store, the whole fixing process is different. Techs need to deal with numerous computer systems simultaneously. Not a big bargain, but it makes an average repair work take in between 2 -4 days.

While dealing without your computer for a few days may give you convulsions, you will be getting a lot even more worth for your money and also the cost is normally based on a level price. I recognize that we perform hrs of additional tedious work like Windows Updates, Disk Defragmentation, Scanning the Hard disk for mistakes, physical cleaning, and also more. Points that you absolutely would not wish to pay additional for if done on site. Having a computer in-shop additionally helps the technology to observe it long enough to see if there are any kind of intermittent problems. Visiting your residence or resort for a hr or so could not disclose these types of troubles PC Repairs.

Most stores additionally have an "accelerate" solution for in-shop repair services where your computer system can be sent to the head of the line, and oftentimes, these can be repaired within 24-hour or even the same day if brought in early enough. Currently all this is based on bringing your computer system into a "local shop" not one of those mega computer system stores.

One thing I neglected to state, is that if you still have a means to get online, I recommend you utilize the net to Google for a neighborhood computer system store. Google is respectable at providing a list of local business and you will certainly have the ability to develop an impact of the company you are calling by their web site, in addition to, that, what, where, why and also how much they are prior to they call. You can likewise contrast what they claim on their web site to what they say over the phone.

Whoever you choose is inevitably your option, however I wish this short article aided notify you concerning a few things you probably never ever believed when it involves choosing a computer system fixing company, whether you are on holiday or in your home town PC Repairs.

Computer System Fixing Buying

Computer Repair work.

When seeking a computer system service center, lots of customers are as doubtful as they would be when acquiring an utilized car, or looking for vehicle repair service. Like the auto market, there is no scarcity of computer system repair service procedures that are more than delighted to benefit from people who are left with no option yet to trust them. Commonly these locations overcharge, are not concerned with maintaining you as a repeat consumer, and/or will not extensively repair the computer system at all. In a lot of cities in the areas though, there are lots of truthful as well as diligent PC fixing techs, and also its most likely you'll be searching for one ultimately if you use a computer daily. Below are a couple of key points to consider when looking for a new computer system repair service guy.

Exactly how to find computer system repair shop?

Word of mouth is constantly reputable, yet not always offered. If you have been residing in the very same area for a long time, or occur to know several people in your town, ask about. Possibilities are that if you have 3 pals a minimum of among them has used a regional computer repair work solution. Additionally, as well as much more reasonably, making use of an internet search is a fantastic (possibly the greatest) way to locate a computer system repair work service. Here's why; making a site quickly searchable and also noticeable is something that needs a certain expertise and also skill, by the time a person has actually created an internet site that looks expert, and also made it quickly searchable for their geo-specific location, they likely are educated and also expert in the modern technology field PC Repairs.

Just how to tell a repair shop is a good one?

First impressions are vital. Exactly how does their advertising and marketing look? Does their website/signs/business card appear like it was made by an innovation specialist? Does the workdesk clerk solution questions/have any appropriate expertise? Does the building resemble a genuine service, or a sham operation someone is running out of their house? Most computer repair shops provide at the very least a couple of standard services, like laptop computer display substitute, infection removal, hard drive replacement, and raising handling rate. Be wary of shops that only offer, or case to "specialize" in one service PC Repairs.

What makes a computer system repair business far better than another?

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abeautifulblog · 6 years

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Why Joseph doesn't “lie”

I think the differing interpretations of Joseph come down to the simple question of, do you believe he's being honest with you?

Because there is no point in the game where you can catch Joseph in what is unmistakably, unambiguously a lie—a statement that can be proven false, and proven that he knew it was false when he said it.

But there are a few moments where I think it's undeniable that he is being dishonest with you. So what do you make of that?

Is he shading the truth at just those few moments, and being open and sincere the rest of the time?

Or is it bullshit, but bullshit that he's convinced himself is true? Is he lying to himself as well as to you?

Or does he know that every word he tells you is strategic, calculated to get the desired results from you?

(I know I said I wasn’t going to do any more Joseph meta for a while, but ohh boy. Strap in, this is a pretty personal one.)

[discussion of psychological abuse incoming.]

So my very first boyfriend, when I was all of fifteen years old, turned out to be a manipulative, gaslighting, pathological liar. Fortunately we didn't date long enough for him to do any permanent damage (I dodged a bullet when his parents moved out of state and took him with them) but it was a trip for the 4~5 months that it lasted, and a hell of a learning experience.

He didn't neg me, and he didn't hit me, but he pressured me relentlessly for sex and he lied constantly. About things he'd said or done; about things I'd said. It was the first time in my life that I'd found myself uncertain and doubting my own past actions—because I didn't remember things that way, but he was certain about it. So evidently he just remembered that conversation better than I did, right?

(This was before messaging software automatically kept chat logs, so there was no way to go back and verify what had actually been said.)

The upshot of so much lying, so much big lying, is that you start to lose your grip on reality. You're constantly being told things happened that didn't, or vice versa, but you trust this person, you take it for granted that they're being as honest with you as you are with them. So you defer to them and their version of reality, because they're so much more sure of it than you are of yours.

And it's incredible how long someone can do this without you noticing. That it doesn't ring any warning bells that you've never had this problem before, that none of your other friendships are plagued with these constant, low-key discrepancies.

I only twigged to it when I finally caught him in a lie that he couldn't walk back—because I remembered what he'd said, verbatim, because it had horrified me, and I remembered my response, and I remembered his response. He couldn't make me believe that he'd never said it, or that his words had been different from what I remembered. Moreover, his original statement had been unambiguous—there was no pretending like he'd meant something else by it, or that I'd misinterpreted him.

And after I'd caught him in a lie once—that he had on-purpose told me something that wasn't true, that he’d known wasn't true—the rest of it unraveled. I reevaluated the things he'd said before, through the lens of knowing that he was a person who could lie to my face. I wasn't going to give him the benefit of the doubt anymore when his version of events conflicted with mine.

Which was about the time that his parents picked up and moved cross-country. (Before he’d managed to pressure me into sex, thank fuck.) But I can't help wondering—how much longer would he have gotten away with it if he hadn't accidentally told a lie too concrete to weasel out of? If his lies had continued to be slippery enough to evade detection, how much deeper could he have dragged me?

I think the only reason he tripped up was because he was all of sixteen years old, and still getting the hang of it.

And all I did was teach him that he needed to lie better.

Joseph's learned that lesson.

He knows how to be vague as shit, noncommittal, dropping enough hints to suggest the shape of something and letting you fill in the details yourself. He knows not to say anything falsifiable; he can lie about his feelings and he can lie about his intentions, he can suggest and insinuate, but he's not going to say anything that could be proven untrue—because if it did, then you'd have definitive proof that he's a liar, and everything else he's told you would suddenly be cast into doubt.

(Seriously. Replay his route, and pay attention to what he confirms vs what he merely implies. It’s kind of incredible.)

Which is actually why I believe him when he says something factual and falsifiable—to a point. I believe it's a statement that he could argue is the literal truth, if pressed.

When he says that the affair with Robert “began and ended on the same day,” I believe him—I'll believe that they only had sex once. (One night is all he does with the Dadsona too, after all.)

But on the flip side, when he's insinuating something, but won't commit to it in a direct statement, even when pressed, then friends, I think it's pretty fucking clear that he is doing you an untruth.

Dadsona: But he asked you. [re: “Robert was the one who propositioned you for sex?”]

Joseph: You'd have to ask Robert about the weird Robert politics of... that. He's been weird about it ever since.

Or:

[I pull back. I think about the clothes strewn around the lounge. The undone bed...]

Dadsona: Are you... living on this boat?

Joseph: I... didn't want to mention it, but...

[He sighs, strolling back to the controls of the boat.]

(You stupid fuck, he doesn’t even have to lie to you, just lets you lie to yourself.)

Or when you contrast his attitude in his “good” ending (boohoo, I'm so sad to be trapped in this loveless marriage) with that of his “bad” ending (whatever, life isn't perfect, wanna fuck?). There is no material difference in his circumstances between those two endings; there is no way to explain the difference in his attitude without concluding that he's misrepresenting his feelings in at least one of them.

And knowing that he'll lie to you sometimes, do you still believe he was being honest about everything else?

So yeah. Joseph's demonstrable dishonesty, combined with his skill in leading you, combined with how careful he is not to get caught lying outright, are why I think he's rotten through and through—because I've seen this shit before.

And I think it's really worrisome how many people turn a blind eye to all that.

I leave you with this little gem, and all its inherent irony:

(That boyfriend, by the way, is not who I'm thinking of when I talk sympathetically about mental illness. That guy can burn in hell, and I wish he would, because as long as he's around, all he's going to be doing is destroying other people's lives.

When I write about Robert, I am thinking of the kind, loving, and troubled men I've known who do no harm to anyone but themselves. That's the majority of people with mental illnesses, and they deserve understanding, respect, and support.)

#tw: abuse #tw: mental illness #whyyyy more joseph meta #joseph the sociopath #gremble's greatest hits #dream daddy

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slamncram · 7 years

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A Cape, a Mask, and a Sheet

Guess who’s back with a vengeance when it comes to Fitzward fics (for approximately one day before I start Nanowrimo)! That’s right, it’s me, ya girl. It’s Halloween, and @fitzwards and I have been watching a whole lot of a certain BBC drama that fits nicely with this particular holiday. I figured, before I jump into working on Nano, what better way to wrap up, then with a little bit of an AU fic?

Without further a-boo (I’m hilarious), here it is...

Happy Halloween!

“Are you going to tell him, or am I going to tell him?”

Leo sat up in his seat at the kitchen table, turning around to stare at his flatmate. He wasn’t sure, exactly, when Jemma had gotten there, but she had a habit of sneaking up on people. She could be eerily silent when she wanted to, and it had made for more than one near heart attack in the last year that they’d all been living together in Bristol.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Leo lied, squinting at her. She had that look about her, the one that said she was up to no good, and wasn’t going to be dissuaded from that. It had been done, before, but Leo was fairly sure that he hadn’t been the reason she’d been swayed from her path.

The issue was, here, he did know what she was talking about, and the very last thing he wanted was for her to go opening her mouth to anyone about it. They both knew that, too. Pulling her grey cardigan around herself better, like she may be cold, Jemma huffed, and rolled her eyes ceilingward, in an explanation she knew she needn’t give.

“It’s starting to be, frankly, ridiculous.” She said, leaning back against the counter. Behind her, cups of cold tea waited to be dumped into the sink and washed out, a job that neither she, nor Leo, nor the person they were not naming, had gotten around to, yet. Jemma, though she could be said to be responsible for all the tea, had a good reason for not really doing the washing up. Sort of. Leo, well, he’d been busy with work, and with the fact that tonight was a night that he rather dreaded, and the week leading up to it was never a party.

Their unnamed third flatmate?

He claimed that people like him didn’t do dishes.

Which was infuriating, really, so Leo didn’t know why he had the issues that he did, when it came to him. He didn’t do the dishes – regularly enough – and he could be mood swing-y and a little too macabre at times. Yes, that had to do with how his life had been, before they’d come together, the three of them, but it really should have been more annoying than it was.

“It’s not being ridiculous. You’re reading too much into things, Jemma. As usual.” Leo pointed out, going back to his phone and his bagel.

Jemma, apparently, wasn’t going to be put off so easily, and before Leo had even taken his next bite, she was sitting down in the chair next to him with a gesture that made it look like she had a lot more weight than she did.

“I don’t know why you’re being so difficult about this. What’s the harm? Grant isn’t going to – ”

Leo made a hissing noise, dropping his bagel and reaching across the table with his hand out, like the mere action would keep her words from drifting up the stairs to Grant’s room. It wasn’t going to do that, they both knew it, but it did make Jemma’s look of exasperation turn into one of smugness.

“Why are you shushing me?” She asked, propping her chin on her hand, her eyes glinting with amusement. “If you don’t know what I’m talking about, and I’m just reading too much into things?”

“Because.” Leo hissed, leaning across the table and keeping his voice low. “I don’t want Grant thinking – ”

“ – Why are you whispering? You’re the one with the freakish superhearing that picks up on everything going on in this house.”

Leo’s flat look didn’t so much as budge the smile on Jemma’s face. When she got like this – chipper, knowing she had an edge and she had the upper hand – there was next to no way to dislodge that smug look.

“I don’t want Grant thinking that I fancy him.”

“Why not? You do fancy him.”

Another wave of his hand, paired with frantic shushing, and Leo glancing over his shoulder, towards the staircase, like he expected their flatmate to come barreling down and start interrogating Leo. When no sounds came, Leo turned back around, narrowing his eyes once more.

“I don’t.”

Jemma scoffed, leaning back in her seat with a grand eye roll. “Oh, that’s rich. Maybe you didn’t back when you two met. Not right away. But it’s been getting worse since you moved in here. There’s nothing wrong with that. I think it’s cute.” She smiled at Leo, losing the smug edge, clearly wanting to come across as encouraging rather than teasing. “Puppy love.”

“Don’t call it that.” Leo pushed his plate to the side, pressing his forehead to the kitchen table. If he focused, he was sure he could hear Grant moving around in his room. He was getting up, and he would be coming downstairs, soon, and Leo needed to put Jemma off of this, or there would be no choice but to tell Grant that, yes, maybe he had a wee bit of a crush on him, but it was nothing to get weird about.

“Well, I didn’t think you would appreciate me outright saying ‘you’re in love with him’, but, have it your way.”

No, this wasn’t getting any better.

“Why are you bringing this up, now?”

Jemma’s eyebrows shot up, and for a second, Leo was seriously considering jumping across the table to cover her mouth. She had that look about her, like she was about to launch into a loud tirade about how she couldn’t have picked a better time to bring this up, for whatever reason, and Grant may be upstairs now, but his natural curiosity would have him downstairs in a second if Jemma started out on that.

“Because I’ve been watching you pine after him for the last few months, and, frankly, I don’t know if I can watch the two of you be all sad-eyes over each other under my roof for much longer. It’s cute, but it’s frustrating. I know you’re both men, but, my god, if you would just – ”

“ – The two of us?”

Leo was supposed to be annoyed. He was supposed to be trying to shut Jemma up, to dispel whatever idea she’d gotten into her head about playing matchmaker. Instead, he was listening to a voice in his head gleefully saying ‘see? See? It wasn’t crazy, she’s seen it, too!’

Which was equally as dangerous as not shutting her up, right now.

“What? Well, yes. Oh, come on, Leo. I know you’re not that dense. You may be working as a hospital porter, but we’ve all seen the University of Edinburgh diploma on your wall, Mr. Engineer.” Jemma pointed upwards. “He’s just as goo-goo eyes over you as you are over him, but I thought you would be the easier target to discuss this with, since… You know how he gets.” Jemma turned her face into her closest approximation of Grant, lowering her eyebrows and scowling. “Side effect of his condition, I’m sure.”

Leo grinned, unable to stop himself. That voice in his head was getting louder. “Which condition? Being American, or being a vampire?”

“Oh, definitely the first one.” Jemma said, laughing. Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and she reached forward, putting her cool hand over Leo’s. “Tell him soon, yeah?”

“Not tonight.” Leo said, quickly, and then made a ‘zip it’ motion with his fingers over his lips, as Grant’s booted footsteps came down the last set of stairs, and hit the black-and-white checkered entranceway floor.

“Morning.”

“Morning.” Both Leo and Jemma greeted, Leo going back to his bagel so he could keep an eye on Jemma, who was beaming at Grant.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight, then?” Grant asked, lifting the coffee pot off up and pouring himself a mug of black coffee. “Not exactly your every-day, run of the mill Change, I don’t think.”

Leo nodded, steeling himself to look over at the other, standing against the counter where Jemma had just been standing. “Not exactly, but it’s much less of a thing, here, you know. At least, not the way Americans do it.”

Grant rolled his eyes and joined them at the table, reaching over to nudge Leo with a grin. “I’m 115 years old, Leo, you think I don’t know that? Kids here are probably a lot smarter than in the U.S., anyway. Fewer of them running around in the woods, though, I still don’t think that’s the best place for you to be changing...” His brown eyes searched Leo’s, clearly trying to work him out. This was always such a delicate subject, but Grant had been pushing him, for the last year and a bit, to get more comfortable with it. “You want me to come with you? We can go down to the hospital basement, I’ll stand guard all night...”

Jemma huffed, and both men looked her way. Though that had clearly been her intention, she glanced between them both, and asked, “what?”

“Something to add, I assume?” Leo deadpanned, tapping the last piece of his bagel on his plate. These conversations always made him lose his appetite. Given how considerate it was, that was always a shock, even now, two years down the road from the scratch.

“Well… Well, it’s Halloween, and I’m going to be alone, in the house.”

“You can come along, Jem, I wouldn’t mind the company.” Grant said, sipping his coffee and pulling the morning post towards himself.

“I know that but… We’re a werewolf, a vampire, and a ghost. Living together. Seems cruel that we don’t get to have our first Halloween together in our actual house.” She looked between them again, clearly not taking in the incredulous looks on their faces the way they thought she should. “You know?”

“I...”

Leo laughed. He couldn’t help it. This was his life, now, and Grant was clearly thinking the same thing.

“What, were you thinking we would dress up – me in a cape, Leo in a mask, you in a sheet – and hand out candy to kids?”

Jemma gave him a flat look. “Well… No. But it might have been fun.”

“It might have been,” Leo agreed. “If there wasn’t a full moon, tonight. And uh, yeah, Grant. If you’d come with me? That’d be appreciated.”

Grant nodded, looking Jemma’s way. “You coming?”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to sit here on my own all night, while you two have all the fun.” She paused, then met Leo’s eyes. He felt a spike of dread, but it was too late, her mouth was already opening. “Not that I would be opposed to that. Or jealous. If that ever were to, uh...” Her eyes slid from Leo to Grant, and was Leo imagining it, or did Grant actually tense up, there, for a second? “Happen.”

The silence that stretched between the three of them was heavy, and almost painful, and it felt like hours passed before Leo stood up and said, “right. Well, I’m going to go pack a bag for tonight and then head off to work. Uh. Grant. See you later?”

“Yeah, yeah, at the, uh, the hospital.” He turned, smiling at Leo. “And then here, of course, before we go back to the hospital.”

Leo nodded, and then smiled at Jemma, a little tighter than usual, before dashing up the stairs, taking the sets two by two, until he was in the safety of his own room, and could breathe out without worrying one of Grant’s abilities may be to read the mind of the person – werewolf – sitting next to him.

He really did need to pack a bag, so he would be ready for tonight. A change of clothes was necessary, and maybe a towel. He could probably slip into the employee bathroom in the morning, after his change, rinse off, feel human again.

As he did, he didn’t deny himself the chance at listening in on the conversation downstairs. They were both being much quieter than he and Jemma had been, before, but there was no mistaking what they were discussing, and the frantic tone in Grant’s voice when he told Jemma, ‘not today, he’s got enough on his plate, with the full moon.’

No, not today. Not tonight, either.

But maybe Leo should sit down and have a chat with Grant, soon.

Before Jemma really and truly did it for him.

#Fitzward #Leo Fitz #Grant Ward #fic by me #fitzwards #BHUKAU #what a lovely acronym that is #anyway this is just meant to be cute and a little Halloweeny #Having BHUK background helps but like honestly you don't need much #Halloween2017

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mental-health-advice · 7 years

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Tag sotired. I'm the friend people turn to for help, & I've always been happy to do this. I have 3 friends with MH issues coming to me for help atm. Problem is, I'm barely holding on myself. My depression & anxiety are bad, I'm cutting & suffering suicidal thoughts (no intent). I can't be the support they need, & the more people come to me, the more stressed & irritated I become. I'm losing empathy & I'm so scared of snapping or not helping someone when they're vulnerable & causing more harm. 1/

But I need a break & I just wish people would stop coming to me. That makes me sound like an awful person, but I can't handle the stress right now. But I can't exactly tell people depending on me (one friend says I'm the only one she wants to come to as she has no one else) that I can't help them & want a break. So I put my feelings aside & continue being a support. Now my best friend is worried & he keeps telling me to take care of myself in case I have a breakdown. #sotired 2/

I don't want to worry him more than I already have (he's the only 1, other than my GP, who knows how bad I am) so I try to assure him I'm ok. I want to tell him everything, yet knowing how I'm dealing with trying to help others, I don't want to burden him. I'm just so tired. To conclude, do you have any advice on how to either stop people coming to me for a while without hurting them, or how I can cope better with being a support & not turn into the horrible friend I fear becoming? #sotired 3/

Hi sotired,

Thanks for getting in touch with us here at MHA! I totallyget why you would be feeling so stressed out, and I want you to know thatyou’re not being a bad friend in the least.

The truth is, there are some things we go through in lifethat can’t be solved just by a long talk with our friends. Sometimes, seriousmental health issues need to be discussed with a professional, and you haveevery right to want your friends to stop putting this pressure on you. Thissituation isn’t helpful for you, and honestly it’s not very helpful for them,either.

Now the question is, how do you go about telling yourfriends this? This is definitely a tricky thing to do, and certainly somethingyou should try to do with sensitivity. It might help to have this conversationwith your friends when they’re in a good mood and not freaking out; if you pushthem away when they come to you, then that could be a problem.

So pick a time when your friends are feeling okay, andgently pull them aside (one by one) and explain how you’ve been feeling. Makeit clear that you still care about them and you’re not mad, and also thatyou’re not outright saying you won’t help them anymore, just that they shouldsupplement the support they’re getting from you with support from aprofessional. You could even get this message across through a letter if you’remore comfortable with that. But again, you are not a bad friend, and there areways for you to make sure that both you and your friends are getting what youneed.

As for the friend who’s worried about you, don’t push himaway entirely! I think the key to solving this issue is all about balance, and Ithink it’s okay to let him know that you’re having a hard time and youappreciate his concern, but you’re also making sure to get help—and then dojust that. I think it’s good that your GP knows what’s going on; you should seeif you can meet with them soon so they can get you a referral to a mentalhealth counselor. But my point is, you don’t have to deny that you’re having ahard time to avoid burdening this guy in the way you feel like your otherfriends are burdening you.

I hope all of this helps you. Best of luck!

Sarah

#mhasarah #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #sotired #friends #giving advice #pressure #seeing a professional #burden

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careergrowthblog · 7 years

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The debate over feeding kids when their parents refuse to

There have been a couple of school shamings – one in summer 2016 about a secondary school and another in the last few weeks about a primary school – about school policies which involve feeding kids when their parents refuse to but in such a way as might deter parents from relying on this. The secondary school took students whose parents refused to pay out of lunch and fed them a cold meal in isolation. The primary school (which apparently had never actually used this sanction) gave students bread and fruit but warned in a letter to parents that this might be embarrassing for the student.

In both cases, much of the shaming imagined that the parent was unable to pay, and the school had ignored this, rather than the parents had simply refused to comply. Many critics seemed unaware that FSM existed, that schools make a real effort to help families claim them or that schools help in cases where parents don’t qualify for FSM but have other problems. Of course, a school cannot talk openly about individual cases, and if students are being fed by the school or out of a teacher’s pocket, this is unlikely to be declared openly in case it encourages parents to refuse to pay, so there was plenty of room to imagine the schools as indifferent to the issues in individual cases. There were often quite imaginative fantasies about how the schools were deliberately starving the poor. I will ignore this stuff and assume, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, that these schools acted humanely, offered help where it was needed, and the policies were only ever to be applied where parents refused to co-operate with the school.

This actually leaves us with 3 main complaints and I will address these in turn.

Children are being “punished” for their parents’ actions. There is some irony in that plenty of those who applied the word “punish” to this situation would probably quibble over applying it in cases of classroom discipline, where words like “sanction” or “consequence” are often preferred. But even if we consider the schools’ policies to involve a sanction or consequence rather than a punishment, this is the strongest complaint. The immediate problem with using this as a complaint is the extent to which schools allow the actions of parents to have consequences for their children already. Children are expected to turn up to school on time, in uniform and fully equipped. Schools do not have policies that seek to rule on the extent to which this is a child’s responsibility and to what extent it is a parent’s responsibility. They simply have a policy of applying sanctions (although, we can assume they make exceptions for exceptional cases). Perhaps there is a case for ending this in principle, for having rules that always assume parents are feckless and that expectations should not be set for children if their parents could be the ones undermining those expectations. But such a reform would be an enormous shift in responsibility from families to schools. This doesn’t make it wrong, but those who advocate such a change, need to admit outright they want a massive reform of almost every school, not pick individual schools to attack, or single out schools that have rules about lunch money and ignore those with rules about uniform or maths equipment. A similar kind of hypocrisy happens with regard to school uniform; people whose actual agenda is to abolish school uniforms know they cannot win that argument and instead shame schools that actually enforce their uniform policy. People who shame individual schools for ignoring a principle that almost every school ignores should, in my view, be opposed. This is not because they are necessarily wrong on the substantive point of principle – that should still be debated – but we should object to the bullying method they are using to advance this agenda.

The policy is harmful. It takes about 2 seconds for the words “child abuse” to appear on Twitter once a school shaming has begun. In this case the assumption was that the schools being shamed were doing something that would be more unpleasant for children than what other schools do. This showed a remarkable ignorance about what happens in schools. In most secondary schools there is usually no formal way to check kids are being fed. That’s not to say teachers don’t look out for neglect, or that a child that was obviously hungry would not be a concern, but lunchtimes are usually not structured in a way that monitors that every child has eaten. In the average secondary school, if a parent does not hand over dinner money, it is assumed that a child has a pack lunch, and, if they don’t, they would simply go hungry. In primary schools, it is easier to monitor if a child is not eating, but even then the action taken to feed them may not be part of a formal policy. The schools being shamed over this policy are unusual in that they have an explicit and open policy of making sure every child is fed. The primary school says they never had to apply their policy of denying a student a school meal, implying that what actually happened in practice, was the same as usually happens in primary schools and the policy was there to deter intentional non-payers and had worked. The secondary school was feeding kids who would go hungry in most other schools. Neither school appears to have caused harm.

The sanction was disproportionate. This to me was the oddest claim. People talk as if being given a free meal was torture and eating apart from other students was false imprisonment. The flip side of this is the assumption that failing to pay your bills is a minor misdemeanour. I’d like to challenge this. Social time at school is not actually a human right. Being deprived of it is an irritation, not an atrocity, and children are deprived of it or choose to forego it, on a fairly regular basis. A child might be embarrassed to have a different lunch, but it is not worse than any of the many embarrassments that childhood is full of and we expect children to cope with. On the other hand, the expectation that one can simply ignore one’s debts is absolutely toxic. People wreck their own lives by failing to pay their bills. Businesses go under due to bad debtors and people failing to pay up. It is a form of promise breaking. Somebody who runs out of a restaurant without paying is seen as a thief, not a victim. The attitude that treats failing to pay bills as a trivial matter, is one that sees working class parents as perpetual victims, unable ever to fulfil their parental obligations and schools as having endless resources to subsidise the undeserving. The attitude that sees denial or disruption of social time, or having a different lunch, as a huge sanction, is one that sees schools as egalitarian babysitters, more concerned with the minutiae of kids’ social lives rather than their learning.

Whether you agree with these arguments or not, and please note I have not advocated all schools introducing these policies, I think the above at least makes their position a reasonable one for some schools to hold. I think the school shamings over this issue were the acts of cowards. They came from people who find it easy to humiliate and abuse teachers. It was also made worse by those wait until teachers are under this kind of attack, and then start drawing attention to it, while claiming to be only “asking questions” or “trying to debate”. It is not the way to have a debate.

Two footnotes.

This week I saw a journalist from Schools Week, discussing on Twitter, a practice in one school that made me very uncomfortable: giving kids badges marked “more able”. I suppose as somebody who writes a regular blog review for Schools Week, I am biased, but I was really impressed by the decision to raise the issue without (so far) naming and shaming the school. I think this, rather than trying to get schools demonised in the Daily Mail, is responsible journalism. It is the issue that matters, not the name of the school.

I used the word “undeserving” above. I am well aware of just how controversial that word is in middle class political discourse. I am quite happy to debate my use of the word; I did give it a lot of thought. Please don’t bother just being outraged that I used the word.

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kinosternon · 7 years

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(CW: abstract discussions of abuse, several heaping spoonfuls of new-adult angst. Also, length—this is like 2,000 words lol)

This particular story, such as it is, starts with me chatting with a very close friend of mine over Skype, and looking through my email at the same time. (Me and this friend are the type of close where we Skype once a week and they play video games or code while I browse the Internet and watch whatever they’re up to, so a certain amount of multitasking is par for the course.) I’m a big fan of StoryBundle and related stuff, so when I came across their Write Stuff 2017 bundle (https://storybundle.com/writing), I remember that I’d bought a similar bundle of theirs last year, and went to check it out.

It actually wasn’t the first time I’d looked it over. I’ve been trying to give up writing for the past several months, and been through a similar cycle several times: get fed up with the pressure of writing, decide to give up on writing altogether, feel a lot better, start thinking about writing again—without so much as opening a document or a notebook. Reading the descriptions for the bundle got me thinking about the whole pattern, and I said out loud to my friend, “Reading about writing feels like looking through an ex’s Facebook.”

Then I stopped and thought about what I’d said, because it did. That was exactly what it felt like. So I started to wonder why.

As a white, male, able-bodied 20-something in the United States who attended a liberal arts college and tries to be at least politically aware, if not politically active, I find the narrative of abuse survival to be one that’s ineffectual to apply to myself. Have I been in some shitty situations with people?

…Yeah. I have.

Have I caused some shitty situations? Without a shadow of a doubt, though I’m pretty hopeful about the idea that I’ve never been outright abusive. Certainly I’ve never been so intentionally, but intention can only get a person so far.

I struggled for a long time with the idea that I may have experienced abusive situations in my childhood and beyond, and now I’m more or less at peace with the idea that abuse is a narrative that I don’t feel comfortable applying to my life experiences so far. I heard a lot about abuse growing up—which is good, it’s absolutely vital to spread that knowledge—but not a lot about what to do and how to go forward when a relationship is just shit, and that left me stuck for a while. It really wasn’t fun.

Still, eventually, I figured out an answer to the latter question I’m comfortable with. I don’t need to be able to prove, to myself or anyone else, that a relationship is abusive for me to want to leave it. I think more people out there need to remember that, especially because the myth of needing proof is often used by abusers themselves.

To believe and be properly sympathetic to people who had undergone abuse, I had to understand that their concerns were not my concerns—that I am not, in my head, part of the “survivors of abuse” identity group. Anything else was harmful to me, and both disrespectful and detrimental to the people I might encounter during my attempts to be a good ally.

Abuse, at the moment, isn’t a helpful way for me to frame my relationships. Negativity and toxicity, on the other hand, absolutely are. I started feeling a lot less anxious when I started applying more shades of subtlety to my emotions and experiences.

Time and circumstance can change relationship dynamics a lot. Lately, I’ve reconnected with a friend whom I’d labeled “toxic” pretty vibrantly in my head, and whom I’ve got a complicated history with. I turned the idea over in my head for months, dismissing it as a bad idea with more and more reluctance each time. In the end, fairly sure of the reasonableness of the idea, I followed through on the impulse to contact them online. Turns out the friend was not only still happy to hear from me, they were in a much better place than they’d been back when I cut off contact. And I’m in a better place now, too. They don’t test my boundaries anymore, and even if they did, I’d feel much more sure about enforcing them.

Having this friend back in my life has been enjoyable and enriching. Another source of support in life is always welcome.

I’ve made some new friends, too, and both reconnecting with sour friendships and making new ones that I’m okay with require a certain amount of emotional resilience. I’ve been trying to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth, agency, and self-reliability independent of those friendships, and it’s been helping.

I’m not quite sure what to call the more welcoming side of those efforts, though. Tolerance, forgiveness, and patience all have different undertones. I think it’s somewhere between the three, and I’m still testing out the way those nuances shift depending on the specific circumstance. And they all start with an awareness of my own limits, and the feeling that I’m always allowed to stop and walk away.

Anyway, this was a story about writing. Setting boundaries for yourself is important, I thought, as I considered where the thought of “writing as shitty ex” had come from. If I kept shying away from writing all this time, then maybe it really was a toxic relationship.

The problem is, writing isn’t a person. I don’t ascribe very hard to any one particular class of thought or pedagogy when it comes to writing, either, so as far as I can tell that isn’t the difficulty. It’s still possible that outside influences are building up and forming an unpleasant imagined persona, like an unwelcoming audience. But for a little while now, I’ve been trying to curtail instances of random exposure to the displeasure of strangers, and by now that influence has noticeably lessened. So what was going on?

When I thought about it in those terms, it wasn’t too hard to reach a perplexing conclusion: I’m in a bad relationship with writing, and I’m the only person in that relationship.

I’m all the moving parts. Just me. Which led me to wonder, what am I doing to myself that I haven’t consciously realized?

I recently started tutoring a couple of kids in creative writing through Skype call. (Someone thought it was a good idea to put an advertisement on a freelancing website, instead of a tutoring-specific one, but that’s another story, and one that I know very little about.) The first couple of lessons were a little bit awkward, until one of the parents clued me in to the idea of working through prompts in class, instead of assigning things and providing feedback. Then a couple of online resources mentioned the idea of working along with the kids on exercises, so I tried that, too.

I would’ve figured it was a bad idea, putting them on the spot or accidentally showing off, but so far both strategies seem to be working. It’s been good to show that even a teacher can’t think of everything on a tight schedule, that what I come up with is imperfect or incomplete. And better still, I’ve gotten into the habit of waiting a little longer for answers, continuing to ask prompt past the first, dubious or hesitant response. I’ve been asking a lot of “Why?”, and making games out of brainstorming. It’s been fun, and I’d like to think I’m not the only one learning.

I think I’ve forgotten how important patience is in writing, as in many other things.

One summer, between semesters of college, I tried living with friends. It was a lot of fun, but there were parts that were very stressful—specifically, the coming-up-with-rent part. I managed to land a decent ghostwriting job, but it wasn’t enough to keep up with bills, not by a long shot. (I was extremely privileged to have parents that were willing to come up with some of the difference, without which I would have been very ill-advised even to try.) So I tried to balance an internship or two alongside it, which ultimately led to me keeping abreast of chores and stressing instead of working on everything else.

Near the end of the summer, desperately trying to make up a huge word deficit on a ghostwriting project, I set myself a goal: 24,000 words in 24 hours. A quota of 1,000 words an hour, with permission to do whatever I wanted each hour, after hitting that point.

I managed it, almost getting to the end of the piece. I don’t think I so much as opened the document for eight weeks afterward. I blew far past the intended deadline, and in the meantime, my client moved on to greener writing pastures. I was never paid for that project.

I didn’t realize until years later that ever since then, something related to the writing part of me has felt injured—that it feels like something got sprained inside.

People talk about their inner editors. Whatever that particular force in my head is, I’m not sure it counts as just an editor anymore.

My editorial sense is just fine when it comes to other people. I like providing developmental edits. I’m good at line-editing and formatting. I’ve interned at a literary agency, and, as mentioned above, worked as a ghostwriter before that. I occasionally beta-read fanfic and/or critique friends’ work for fun. I like fixing other people’s writing, and I like meeting them where they are in their efforts to improve their technique.

Moreover, I’m pretty confident of my technical writing ability. I know how to put together a sentence. I’m as susceptible to typos as the next person, but otherwise my error rate is pretty low. I’ve got a working sense of structure, pacing, and style. I actually know how to format dialogue correctly, how to use a long dash and a semicolon, and the difference between a too-long sentence and a run-on.

That doesn’t mean I don’t still have a long way to go—that’s the nature of writing. (See: I write long sentences even when I shouldn’t, and I’m far too fond of italics.) But I’m not all that self-conscious about any of that, really. It doesn’t bug me.

No, I’m just completely certain of my inability to have ideas. Or, having miraculously had an idea that I didn’t immediately tear to pieces, to actually sit down and start. Or, having started, to muddle through the middle, let alone finish. Or, having somehow finished, to have the self-discipline to do any revision whatsoever.

I “know” these things just won’t ever happen—that I “can,” but that I won’t. And I “know” that I shouldn’t give up on one of my most-developed skills. But when I finally gave myself permission to give up—to move on to something I haven’t built up to be so utterly wraught—I felt a lot better. And thus the cycle began.

Even getting to that point—feeling like I deserved a chance to walk away—was in itself a kind of growth. But I think I’m ready to try moving beyond it. I’m just not sure what direction “beyond” will be in.

I’m slowly circling around a choice. Like water spiraling around a drain, or one of those pennies in a black-hole model at the mall. (Anyone else remember those?) I could try to break free—I’m fairly certain that I can, to whatever degree I want, though there would be parts of it that would hurt. But I don’t think I want to.

I’m not going to let writer-me take over my life again anytime soon. I don’t want to give him any power, because or the past few years he’s done the opposite of earn it. But I might be willing to get back together with him, for a bit of a trial run. The equivalent of a re-friending on Facebook and maybe catching up over coffee.

I find myself curious as to how it might go.

#abuse cw #physical injury cw #(mild metaphorical mention)#rambling about writing #but I guess it counts as #my nonfiction

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careergrowthblog · 7 years

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The debate over feeding kids when their parents refuse to

This actually leaves us with 3 main complaints and I will address these in turn.

Two footnotes.

The debate over feeding kids when their parents refuse to published first on http://ift.tt/2uVElOo

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