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megistusdiary · 2 years

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girl i am obsessed w the way you write kaeya you are feeding my brainrot god bless you 🙏🙏

if you don’t mind me requesting another (*evil laughter*) may i ask for one where reader’s s/o breaks up with them so they go to kaeya for comfort since they’ve been best friends since their childhood. little did reader know kaeya has had feelings for them for awhile (and reader felt the same way just didn’t want to admit). idk what to add for the rest because it’s late and my brain is fried but one of them makes a move (prob wld be kaeya tbh, i see him saying something like “lemme show you what he couldn’t do”) on the other and they end up hooking up (i’m awful at explaining stuff i’m sorry if it’s confusing 😭)

fem reader btw, also can you maybe make it kinda soft :,) - 🔮 :D

hi 🔮 anon!! sorry it took me a bit to get to your ask ;w; also im so glad you enjoy my writing that's literally my whole goal. also absolutely love this idea tysm ♡ this is super long so 💀

warnings: dom!kaeya and sub!fem anatomy/pronouns reader

oral (f!receiving), kaeya calls reader 'sweetheart, angel, pretty girl,' soft/sweet tbh, consent!, overstim, cussing

kaeya's arms wrapped around you tightly, holding you to his chest. your face was buried in his shoulder, tears soaking through the fabric of his shirt.

he gently smoothed his hand down your back, coaxing you to relax as he listened to you mumble about your ex. he frowned as he felt you shake in his grasp, complaining that all you wanted was 'to be happy.'

"hey, look at me, sweetheart." kaeya moved one of his hands to your cheek. you lifted your head, allowing him to wipe away the tears with his thumb. "they were an asshole anyways. you deserved better." kaeya commented as you smiled a bit. "there's that pretty smile. come on, you've gotta admit it. were you ever actually happy in your relationship?"

his question made you freeze. your lips opened to speak, but nothing came out. was he...right? you couldn't think of any specific times you genuinely felt loved. you really just chose them to be a placeholder for-

no, no. absolutely not. kaeya is off the table. he's been your best friend since you were kids. as if that wattpad shit would ever happen in real life.

kaeya took your silence as the answer he was looking for, humming and leaning his head back against the wall. he could tell you were unhappy, and it pained him to see you this way. in fact, all he really wanted to do was ask you out himself. he knew everything you liked, your favorite colors, the music you enjoyed, your little nervous habits, the-

"kaeya?" your voice shook him from his thoughts as he turned to look back at you. and by the archons, you looked so cute on his lap. your face was still puffy from crying, but the tears had stopped spilling.

"yeah?" he asked, trying to focus on anything but the way you leaned on his chest.

you took a sharp breath when you noticed how close you were to him. your noses could touch if you leaned in any further. it made your face feel warm when he did lean in, eyes going wide.

"just say it, pretty girl. i won't judge you for-"

"you were right, okay? i wasn't happy with my ex. they were just someone i got with because i wanted a temporary distraction from my-" you stopped as kaeya's uncovered eye widened.

wasting no time, he sat up, catching you when you almost fell off the couch. "is this a confession?"

your mouth went dry, and no words came out as you stuttered. "uh- well, i-only if you want it to be?"

"are you kidding? sweetheart, i've liked you since we were kids." kaeya grinned as you hid your face back in his shoulder.

"say you're serious." your voice was muffled by his jacket as he pulled you back, putting his fingers under your chin to hold your gaze.

"i'm dead serious. i thought you knew. figured you were getting with people because you wanted some quick satisfaction." he offered as you scoffed, a smirk growing on your face.

"as if. none of my exes have done anything that good anyways." you laughed, missing the way kaeya's hands slid to your waist.

"so, you're telling me, they never made you feel good?" he questioned you. it was an honest question, and you already knew the answer.

"not really." you admitted sheepishly. "usually i would just go home and, y'know." your breath grew shaky when he leaned in, his lips grazing your ear.

"what did you think about when you went home?" he asked you quietly.

"you." it was a shamefully quick response that had you covering your mouth. it only seemed to fuel kaeya as he leaned back to laugh. "kaeya, don't-"

"how would you like to try the real deal, hm? allow me to show you what your exes couldn't do in their dreams." he whispered, feeling your thighs shift closer to one another on his lap.

"if you want to-"

"no." kaeya pulled back, looking you in the eyes. "this is about you. do you want me to?"

"yes-" you answered, quickly following it with a "please."

kaeya pulled you in, pressing his lips to yours. he was much more gentle than you expected, treating you like a porcelain doll as he cupped your face with one palm.

he slowly moved back, trying to ignore your whines as he helped you up off the couch. "we're not doing this here, come on." he tugged you towards his bedroom, nudging the door closed behind you.

he allowed you to sit on his bed, feeling the fluffy blankets and getting a good look at his belongings. the cavalry captain stood in front of you, shrugging off his jacket as you leaned back with a small smile.

"what's this? a striptease?" you joked as he chuckled, continuing to unbutton his shirt. once he finished removing his gloves, he leaned over you, pressing gentle kisses to your neck.

his hands traced shapes around your shirt collar, looking up at you. "can i take this off?" you nodded eagerly, adjusting your body to help him remove the clothing as he flung it to land by his jacket.

he continued slowly stripping you until you found yourself in just your undergarments underneath him. you shyly covered yourself, feeling kaeya move your hands away and pin them to the bed.

"don't be shy now, angel. you're beautiful, you know that?" his words made your face feel warm as you averted your gaze to the ceiling.

you heard him chuckle before he slowly moved down your body, trailing kisses and tickling you with his fingertips. you shifted around, trying to get a good view as he stopped between your thighs.

he kneeled before you, eyes trained on your panties as he hummed, dancing his fingers along the band. "cute, though i think they'd look better on my floor." he looked up at you as you nodded, embarrassed as he slowly peeled the fabric off of you.

it was too late to feel shy now as kaeya spread your legs open, staying level with your pussy as you whined at him. "kaeya-"

"patience is a virtue, sweetheart." he reminded you, watching you lean back against the bed, fighting the urge to sit up. he pulled your thighs to rest on his shoulders, pressing his lips to your clit.

you let out a soft gasp at the sensation, hips jumping when he licked a few stripes on your clit. your hands took purchase in his hair, biting your lip when he sucked your clit lightly.

"shit- kaeya-" you moaned, embarrassment thrown out the window as you moved your hips against his face.

kaeya thought you were absolutely adorable like this. naked on his bed. with his lips around your clit. calling out his name. tugging his hair. crying out for him.

it felt like a dream come true. he had thought about treating you right for years, taking you out on a date himself, showing you all the things a proper man would do.

he also, of course, fantasized about you on his bed. and in the kitchen. and on the couch...

you tugged at his hair, pulling him back to reality as he trailed his tongue to circle your hole. you felt like you were on fire, pure pleasure coursing through your veins as you writhed on his blankets.

"you're close already, pretty girl? we just started." he smirked, ego being stroked at the sight of you already squirming and shaking.

"please, please, please." you begged him, feeling the buildup of your high approaching rapidly.

"hm...well i guess if you wanna come that badly. but don't say i didn't warn you." kaeya mumbled against your pussy, hastening the movements of his tongue.

you cries grew louder, and he held you down against the bed while he ate you out like a starved man. "oh- fuck!" you gasped, arching up against his firm grip.

he continued to lick over your clit, playing with the bud through your orgasm as you shivered. you relaxed into the bed, but slowly grew uncomfortable as kaeya continued.

"kaeya, i just came- hold on."

"oh, but i thought you wanted to come so bad? 'please, please, please' right?" kaeya grinned, staring up at you as he sucked on your clit. your hips jumped as you were thrown into overstimulation. "i'll have you screaming my name, angel."

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader smut #genshin kaeya #genshin kaeya smut #kaeya smut #kaeya x reader #🔮─𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯⋆·˚ ༘#✎─𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 ❛ ༉‧₊˚#💌─𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘭! ༊*·˚

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adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy · 3 months

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I’m obviously super fuckin late to this but WHAT THE FUCK WAS HARRYS SURPRISE FOR Y/N??? (ysijwa) sorry not yelling I knew when I started this fic it was unfinished and I thought I’d be able to handle it but I severely underestimated my emotional investment

Ps you’re a beautiful writer and thank you for blessing us with what you did. I do hope it gets finished but if not thank you for all you gave us anyway. Such a beautiful story and the way the plot and characters developed was just so realistic and authentic. I’ve read many fics where like the MC is just magically the game changer and upon Harry first meeting them, it’s like an imaginary spotlight shines on them and they stand out in a crowded room. And I’ve always struggled to find that storyline believable. Like for some reason she just magically stands out? But the way y’all wrote it was just so organic and well written that it was unbelievable. In fact, he chose her for the opposite reason, which was just so bloody clever? And then I understood why she captured him over time, believed in why she was his game changer. There’s so many parts that had me giggling and hiding under my covers and grinning like a fool at my phone. So much joy and silly goofy things and little moments that were sprinkled in that I feel get missed in other fics. His goon squad being so funny. And the c/w’s were just the cutest. And there’s so much personality in both of y’all’s writing. I know I had more to say but I’m blanking. Will drop back by and let you know if I remember pending this message isn’t annoying for you. It was just a joy to read.

OH MY GOD PLSKWKDJS MY FUCKING HEART 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 YOUR MESSAGE ISNT ANNOYING AT ALL, ITS ACTUALLY MADE MY ENTIRE DAY 😭😭😭😭 thank you sm for leaving such a sweet, thoughtful message it truly made me smile so big wtf 😔😔😔

I tried to give some context clues about the surprise but essentially he built her a big pillow fort bc he knows she’s feeling homesick and it’s something her and her friends used to do :’) and he got a bracelet making kit cause she’d mentioned that too so they’re gonna have a date in there and make silly little bracelets for each other and just be goofy lovey dovey morons AS THEY SHOULD!!!

I’m so happy you liked the way the storyline developed, I know some ppl were beefing with the fact that he was so indifferent to her in the beginning 💀 but that’s what makes their relationship arc so meaningful, it wouldn’t be realistic if he just immediately took to her bc real connection takes time and effort y’know??

AND IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THE FANG GANG THEYRE SO STUPID I LOVE THEMNDNF they’re my bbys 🤏

Pls do drop by again if you’d like, I love hearing people’s thoughts on the fic even if it’s been on hold for a bit cause of life and work 🥺 I do hope to finish it, it’s just gonna take a bit 😭 THANK YOU SM AGAIN MY HEART’S GONNA BURST

#ysijwa!ask

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safely-in-vhagars-belly · 11 months

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House of the dragon short read a summery for all those who have forgotten for season 2 and totally true to the facts and how it happened.

This might be the most chaotic shitpost recap I've ever seen.

Viserys: Nah I want a son.

Rhaenyra: Noo father I'm just as goooood.

Daemon: You have meeeee.

Viserys: No I want a son. Gimme one.

Aemma: nooo now I must dieeee. Here's your son tho.

Viserys; Aemma my uwu nooo

Baelon: FATHER I AM UR SON

viserys: yes u are uwu u are so cute lets make photos.

Maester: sire u should back off and let the kid breath Sire, no do not bring out the tide pods. Sire...SIRE!!!!

viserys: I'm off now that I have my photos for my dragongran with him and his first tidepod! This will bring in the likes and defeat Daemons unholy post.

Maester:*kills child* I hate targaryens I hate them I hate them I hate them. Stupid ugly white haired ppl

Baelon: well fuck you too you cunt. You think I want to be in this family? Ha. Jokes on you.

Viserys: NOOO MY SOON SOB SOB WHO DID THISSS

daemon: LETS FUCKING GOO IM THE TRUE HEIR YALL BETTER REMEMBER THIS. DRINKS ON THE TAP OF THE CROWN. THATS ME ANYWAY HAHA FUCK U BAELON U LOSER FOR ONE DAY.

Daemon when appearing for vizzy: Look we all make goofs & errors what's most important is where our hearts are at.

Viz: I'm convinced you have no heart!

Daemon: NAAAAAAH U CANT. IM UR HEIR

Viz: I already have a child. U are a child daemon. U are just not mine

Guards: OOOOOOHHHH

Viz: daemon you know where the trash goes. Follow it.

Viserys: I still want my boii

Aegon: I AM HERE FATHER. LOVE ME.

VISERYS: what the fuck are you. You can't be my son why ur hair like that.

Alicent: husband I'm like 17 and I got u a son. Ur other wifey failed to do that. Us hightowers have curls. Its a curse and a blessing.

Otto: maybe it's magic, maybe it's Hightower genetics.

Rhae: rude ass bitch all of you. Look at how cute he is. He's my baby brother I will protect him. SAY RHAERHAE

alicent: rhae he came out me a moment ago he can't talk yet.

Aegon: (as a baby to his sister) I am the superior one and u should fetch me a snack in the kitchen, you white haired wench.

Rhae:*handing back Aegon* nah u can have this shit back. Do us all a favour next time just go the targaryen way and let it die.

(We light the way)

Vizzy: I wanna fuck u (to alicent)

Alicent:( alright its my duty.

The most unpassionate scene:

Aemond, happily making his entrance in the show as a sperm: WIEEEEEE! Hahaha thank you gods, I won't let you down. I will bring chaos into this family!!!!

The gods; good, our little apprentice. Good.

Rhaenyra: I'm so sneaky hehe

Daemon and rhae rhae: *almost fuck each other*

Daemon: wait I can't I suddenly decided I have morals and standards. Also u just a child tf.

Rhaerhae: no what is this? Fuck you I'm nailing that dornish snack as if he's a lose screw in a IKEA shelf

Daemon: No not Crispin! Get baaaack

Rhaerha: Too late

Crispin: Ah yes. My fantasy is finally coming true!!!!

Crispin: My queen forget ur pathetic kingdom full of incest and forget that old fuck that is your father. Let us depart on a ship and start a life that will not raise questions at all with your hair and our new found riches.

Rhae: I am listening.

Crispin: We can sell...oranges

Rhae; Nah fuck this shit where are the bananas. I love bananas. U should go with your oranges if that makes you happy. Pathetic fruit picker. This is why my uncle bested u. If you relied on bananas none of this would have happened.

Crispin: Rhae rhae..

Rhae: NAH have u even tried defeating a yiga clan member with a orange? You never played zelda did you? And you call yourself a warrior? Out of my sight.

Crispin: but I love u. Why would you sit a comfortable throne instead of working your ass off with me in the fields?:(

Rhae: Honey I never worked a day in my life and I intend to keep that tradition.

Helaena at some point: MHEEWWWWHH

Alicent: he said he wanted a son, so zip it.

Helaena:*cries*

Rhae rhae: Kidnap me, make me your wife and slay my father's guards.

Viserys who can read their lips and understand Valyrian: What kind of wattpad fanfic is this shit. What's next Harry styles flying in on dragonback?

Harry styles: HELLO WESTEROS. THIS IS FOR OUR PRINCESS. ALL OF YOU; WATERMALEON SUGAR. HIGGGGGH.

Crowd: HIIGGGGGH.

Aemond in Alicents belly: Grgg *DEMONIC NOISES*

Alicent: why does rhaenyra get Harry styles and I all I get is traumas and struggles. Also why is prince daemon and her acting out duncon fics when I INTRODUCED RHAE RHAE TO WATTPAD AND HE GAVE ME HIS FAVOUR I HATE THIS AHHH.

Alicent; why am i so angry... I don't understand.

Aemond in her belly: MOAHAHAHA IT WORKS.

Ser Harwin strong; I really should not. It is against the rules.

Rhae rhae: *breathes*

Harwin: If they cut off my cock I still got my fingers-

---

Time skip

Aegon: I don't know what happened but suddenly I'm borderline rapist and I'm also a drunk and like long legged people because it reminded me of dinosaurs and I got that phase when my father still loved me.

Aemond: I'm kind of cute and sympathetic but you will hate me later. It's OK. I will get over it ;)

Helaena: I am the mighty seer. I know all. OOH SPIDERS.

---

Vhagar: (dreaming) a big strong dragon approaches vhagar and courts her with a beheaded child corpse. She takes it and they mate.

Vhagar, waking up: WHO DARES INTERRUPT MY DREAMS?!

aemond; shit she's so big

Vhagar:*pulling a knife* WANT TO REPEAT THAT.

Aemond: uhm no ma'am! May I...May I ride you

Vhagar; NO :) *goes to sleep*

Aemond: shit shit...

Aemond: OBEY.

vhagar; WHAT IS WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ALWAYS WAKING ME UP. FIRST LAENA NOW YOU. LAENA HAS NOT EVEN MET SEBASTIAN YET UNDER THE SEA. DO YOU MIND IM MOURING HERE.

Aemond: I understand..

Aemond;...its just...

Aemond: the seaweed is always greener.

Vhagar: (sigh): in somebody else's lake

Don't ask.

I Don't know what the hell happend either.

#house of the dragon #aemond targaryen #aegon ii Targaryen #viserys #daeron #house of the dragon fanfiction #rhaenyra x criston #hotd rhaenyra #dark!#head the warnings #dubcon #possible triggering content #She/her reader #AFAB Reader #DarkFantasy #Possible noncon #Possible gore #Old work

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strongheartneteyam · 10 months

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💌 A messy open letter/life update to my moots, readers and followers (?)

MY LOVES MY ANGELS HI!!!

IM SO SORRY FOR NEGLECTING Y'ALL FOR SO LONG my kitten is just now healed enough (not fully healed yet. she still has sutures) for me to be able to let her walk around the room and play by herself without being too dangerous for her health and I FINALLY was able to sleep more these last 4 days (I didn't talk to ANY of my friends for 3 days bc all I could do was sleep - even during the day, like, a lot - watch movies n read a bit (books, not fanfiction)/study neuroscience and anatomy a bit) so, now, I'm only like 70% recovered from so much sleep deprivation (being an amateur nurse for a spayed kitten and also doing house chores, mostly by yourself, ain't easy) and I've been logging in here for like only 30 minutes up to a maximum of like 1 hour or so, and not even everyday, just editing some stuff on my posted fanfiction/checking my notifications, messages, asks and OMG you guys are AMAZING!!! So much love that I'm receiving, from moots, readers, followers or even people who I don't think follow me but they support my works somehow, even after me being gone for this long while... IM SO THANKFUL AND MOVED!!! I love this fandom SO MUCH! I have no words!! I've been in many fandoms in my life and the Avatar one is by far the most supportive, peaceful - to a certain extent - and full of good energy and love! I PROMISE I will get to answer y'all soon enough!

And about the talk that's been going on about the fandom dying, DONT U WORRY MY BABIES, MOMMA VICTÓRIA AINT GOING NOWHERE! Speaking for me, at least, this tall blue aliens obsession is NOT something temporary! I'll be writing my lil stories for y'all forever, if I'm able to (lol) 🤍 I've loved Avatar since the first time I watched the 2009 movie, back when it was released and I was a child, and now that I'm a grown woman in her 20s, I still feel such a big connection to this fictional universe, in a literal spiritual level. I was a pagan/had a witchy/nature based spirituality for years of my life, tho I'm not pagan anymore, since I slowly realized I never truly believed in the pagan gods and magick, but, instead, I just see God in nature and see it as sacred and something that should be respected and taken care of, instead of destroyed. I also have indigenous heritage from my great grandmother, love my indigenous culture, live in a small town, next to the countryside, always felt crazily connected to nature and the Universe and been deeply fascinated by space, aliens, sci-fi, fantasy, always been called a "hippie" by people, either to tease me playfully or to try to make me feel bad for being a bit too much like Kiri Sully (istg me and Kiri are one and the same) so, this fandom serves me JUST RIGHT 😅🫀✨🌱👽💕 I'm here to stay and I WILL help keep this wonderful fandom alive!!! 💖

Anyways... I feel like I already "talked" way too much lol I'm wordy, sorry 🥲 but that's one of the reasons I can write well, so... it's got its bad and its good side ahaha

Speaking of writing, I have like 6 to 7 chapters of Realize where you belong saved (only need to edit and fill in some gaps) bc, even in the middle of so much physical and mental working, I'VE BEEN SO BLESSED with inspiration and been able to write A LOT lately, in the wee free time I've been having, so... if you're reading this fanfiction, I might be updating it later today or tomorrow!

Hope you're all doing good and taking care of yourselves! I've been trying to! I LOVE Y'ALL TO THE MOON AND BACK 💘

With love, your messy and a bit crazy but honest and caring fanfiction writer,

Victória ♡

#꒰ა victória speaks ໒꒱#victória l♡ves her readers so much :')#victória's moots live in her heart <3◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜#victória l♡ves her followers!! ꒰✮꒱

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orionsangel86 · 1 year

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I don't often ever really talk about these things but like, does anyone else have MAJOR franchise fatigue?

Marvel, Star Wars, Disney, HARRY FUCKING POTTER

I am so done with them all.

I'm gonna rant about Harry Potter for a bit. Fair warning.

I got tired of Harry Potter well over 10 years ago. The final movies hadn't even been released and because I have the disadvantage of living in bloody England Harry Potter bullshit has been EVERYWHERE for TWO FUCKING DECADES. I remember my friend dragging me to the studio tour because she got tickets for her bday. I like movie BTS stuff but my god the amount of BUY THIS BUY THAT that gets shoved in your face drove me mad. Proud to say that other than the OG books I read when I was a teenager I have never owned a single bit of HP merchandise in my LIFE. It took my irl friends bullying me to finally go on pottermore and get sorted into a Hogwarts house when I was 27. TWENTYSEVEN. I resisted for years!! I don't even care. They sat me down and made me log on to that stupid website and take the stupid quiz whilst I raised an eyebrow the whole time and tried to smile and pretend it was fun. After all, I'm not actually a total bitch and they are my friends and were enjoying themselves and I didn't wanna upset them. But why do I need to know if I'm a hufflepuff or whatever? Oh thats right, so I can buy the appropriate MERCHANDISE.

You know real witches make their wands? They go out and find a tree and ask the tree if they can take a branch, you have to give the tree something back and say a blessing. You can add crystals or ribbon or whatever you want but a wand is NOT something you buy in a bloody shop. I hate that HP made kids think that.

Why would anyone wanna buy a game about a nearly 3 decade old franchise thats been shoved in all our faces practically our whole lives (if you are a millennial or younger). Im not a gamer anyway so I don't get the appeal but even without all the transphobia and antisemitism involved the whole concept is extremely tiresome to me.

Can we please be done with Harry Potter now??? I dont wanna see it. I dont wanna see anything about it. I didnt give a fuck when I was in my early twenties and I dont give a fuck now in my late thirties its never been any fucking good. Its a rip off of Lord of the rings crossed with the writing of Terry Pratchet and Neil Gaiman anyway.

For years I felt awkward even mentioning to people that I didnt like Harry Potter, like it was a cardinal sin or something. I'm glad people are finally seeing it for what it truly it, even though I wish it didnt take the lives and rights of transpeople to get to this point. Its disgusting that its still so damn popular even WITH JKRs blatant transphobia. I hope the boycotts work. Trans and Jewish people you have my love and support, for both your sakes and so that bloody franchise can stop being shoved in my face everytime I leave the bloody house. Im glad people are finally picking it apart and realising how problematic it was. Things I think made me uncomfortable about it before I really understood the depth of reasons why.

I have been obsessed with witchcraft and paganism since I was a child. I was a weird kid. Harry Potter turned something I was passionate about in a deeply personal way into a consumerist nightmare. Witch became synonymous with it, spells, charms, magic, I'm honestly surprised JKR didnt try to copyright the terms.

Look I dont often talk about social issues. My tumblr is my escape from the injustices of the world and I take my mental health very seriously. But I support trans and jewish people in boycotting this game.

I care about trans rights, about the rights of LGBTQA+ people. The rise of antisemitism AGAIN deeply disturbs me. People truly never learn from history do they? I try to do my bit where I can offline. I have signed petitions, I have donated to causes where I have found them and I am most definitely gonna do my damndest to get everyone I know to vote the transphobic (and otherwise generally evil in every way) Tory government OUT at the next election.

This rant may come across a bit selfish. It is tbh. I am fucking glad Harry Potter isnt popular anymore. Though outside of online communities particularly in the UK its still huge and everywhere. I wish we could wipe it off the face of the Earth.

I am fed up of all these franchises though. If I never have to sit through another Marvel movie it'll be a happy day. If I never have to hear the fucking Star Wars theme again I'll celebrate, if I never have to read about another Disney remake again Ill be so relieved (although I do get some satisfaction reading about them flopping). This post capitalism hellscape we exist in is fucking exhausting.

What we really need to do with these franchises though is pull an Avatar on them (the blue people not the cool cartoon). We need to stop talking about them. Stop letting them infect our collective cultural consciousness. The only way to get them out of our faces is to actually let them die. We did it right with Fantastic Beasts. We can do it again. Remember that in capitalism, even negative press is good press, and the more the press focuses on the controversies and discourse, the more the name of the game is getting into the minds of consumers, especially those that dont give a fuck about trans rights or antisemitism.

I dont know where it ends, but my god I hope it HAS an end. Something surely has got to give right? Anyways. I dunno if there was a point to this rant other than im fed up of a lot of things and feeling particularly grumpy today, but anyways. Boycott Harry Potter and all things related to it.

Support trans rights. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Enough of this bullshit already.

#anti harry potter #boycott hogwarts legacy #trans rights #personal #sometimes i need to rant #and today was one of those days

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foolcrum57 · 2 years

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YESYESYES TELL US ABOUT YOUR OCS PLEASEEEEEE <:DDD

ok this is message is from me whos about to post this after typing all of it. there is . A Lot here so im gonna put it under a readmore but the copious amount of infodumping is just what i do when people ask about my ocs... hope this isnt too long or overwhelming to read lol..

OMG OK ok so i collectively call all my oc stuff "wttu" (welcome to the universe) but i have 2 seperate oc universes (i have a lot of ocs) ones called godsworld and ones called newsworld. newsworld is really random & spotaneous & where i dump all my silly ocs and godsworld is the more coherent one with a solid storyline & worldbuilding. i feel like talking about godsworld ocs right now so that's what ill do ! ok so quick synopsis. godsworld is a multiverse comprised of many dimensions, all created by three gods named time, choice, and destiny. magic is real and common and magicians have existed since the beginning of time. there's also a few very special super magical very powrful beings / demigods called all-seers which were specifically "blessed"(idk how else to put it) by the gods. these are the 4 all-seers as of godsworlds present:

(sorry for the doodles im drawing these as i type) william and miso were created by the gods and given allseer powers later in life and around 200 years later the same thing happened to gertrude and mitchell after they met william and miso (yeah these guys are like ancient immortal people i call them the four immortals) anyways that's like the ancient stuff lore so now let's get to the main stuff the main storyline of godsworld centers around a kid named tobias , and a guy named cremini finding out they're going to be the next two allseers, mainly because of their connections to tobias' late father (and creminis ex classmate ex roomate and sort of ex boyrfriend) Larry.

and like. that's kinda where the lore and worldbuilding part gets vauge because the present is kind of just these guys having adventures and doing fun stuff while honing their magic skills. there's still a little more to talk about though.

after living out his childhood in a town called santerton, tobias went to live in a magical sanctuary in a dimension that the four immortals made and where miso and william live called the Home(creative i know) where he met 3 other guys around his age that are now his besties ;

parker is royalty from a dimension that's still in the 1800s (hes pretty smug and arrogant both bc of his upbringing and also just because that's his personality), carson is a city kid from a dimension that's still in the 90's (he's a pretty chill guy despite his circumstances and the oldest out of all 4), and daniel's from a remote fishing town in a dimension that's somewhere in the 2010s (who ironically, loves fishing and is also just really energetic and hearty in general). on the other hand, cremini, after finishing college at a very prestigious school for time and dimension studies that mitchell teaches at and fulfilling his childhood dream of time traveling and then accidentally throwing himself into a white void Because Emotions, met. this guy.

his name is dylan. and he is now cremini's boyfriend and they live together. he loves books and reading (which he gained a love for after gertrude [who is a librarian] helped him with pushing through his dyslexia). honestly idk what else to type, that's kinda just the general gist of the main characters in godsworld but there is like a lot of lore and history and a solid timeline with lots of stories and characters in the whole world of godsworld as well as a lot of worldbuilding stuff that i didnt touch on so i think the fact that this is a relatively consice recap says. a lot. anyways if you read down to here i genuinely appreciate it and um please dont hesitate to ask more ocs questions wether that be in my asks or dms or whatever <3

#crumling #wttu: godsworld #<- tag for godsworld since i actually made a real post about it yipee #oc stuff #<-ill chnange this once i think of a better tag lol...

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fruitsrotten-a · 2 years

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❥ ABOUT

hello mr.angry pants! long time no speak! when i first created you and pulled you from my creative womb, i had to pull out my illegally obtained copy of the dsm-5. now look at you, being all…semi-mentally stable and….having more empathy than i intended to portray in you as a writer. anyways, let’s look at how you’ve developed thus far. your entire childhood is just one big rough patch. shitty dad syndrome. rest in peace to your ever so kind and loving mother who gave all of the good parts on this list to you. guess you had to do some horrible things with those hands of yours as a kid. it doesn’t seem like you really ever got the chance to be…normal. but what’s normal these days anyways? sure it’s definitely not being the only born son of an alcoholic druglord. but! who needs normalcy? that’s boring. you dropped out in high school even though you were a senior. that was….an interesting choice. and perhaps the most interesting choice that im seeing here is the one you made to take your father’s life. things just got …..weird. or whatever. im more concerned about the fact that his men were willing to carry out your plan than anything else. they must have been more protective of you than even you realized. god bless the late men of the old gray cross syndicate. and may they never have to push another bag of rock again. but anyways….i dont wanna talk too much about all of the traumatic things anymore. there’s so many of them. the bruises are gone but the scars are still there, i think you get reminded of it all enough. i get why you’re angry. but i’m seeing so much more of you now.

i see the good in you when i look at my clipboard. the concerned and giving heart. its true that the only thing you ever learned was how to be a master of manipulation. but even behind your forceful administration there is an admirable effort to help kids, help people, that remind you of yourself. like when you found ren cowering in the back of a trafficking truck. phoenix in the midst of a shootout. jace on the park bench. you might have had the worst of things in mind for them down the line. but tell me the truth, you wanted to protect them didn’t you? the same way you wish that someone to protected you growing up. i happen to think that’s sweet of you. you softie. even if you are somewhat of an asshole. actually, a major asshole. looks like you’re also quite lonely. pet snakes don’t exactly keep mammals warm company at night. that probably explains all the one night stands with whoever comes your way. you can lowkey chill out on that. it’s like you don’t give anyone a chance? open up just a little, it would probably be really good for you. you also drink too much alcohol but im not worried because i know youd rather die than be like your dad. anyways, organized crime is definitely not your forever sir saros. i see such a future for you. each day you write in your freetime is a step towards that book about this crazy life you got, am i right? i can see you advocating for change once you uh…get over yourself and your current way of doing things. this has been a deeper conversation than expected. lets get into the questions and i’ll move forward.

what are you most proud of?

your sister? wow that’s….a…nicer answer than i expected coming from you.

what are you grateful for?

the people around you, huh? you’re a classic found family trope motherfucker if i’ve ever seen one.

what are you afraid of?

a loss of control. i see that.

what do you love about yourself?

your adversity. agreed.

what are your non work related hobbies?

arts and crafts? that’s like super off brand but i can’t argue with it since the file says your mom taught you.

favorite color?

red like the color you rep.

lastly, what are you passionate about?

evening the score in the world? uhm…i think you mean something like…equity or like…equality but like…i digress.

i ask every muse this. what animal would you be?

a snake. got it. will watch out.

#saros

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shhhhhiminsidesaitamascloset · 7 months

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tw: SA

Im not sure how long i had this blog in general. Maybe in late May??? Probably June.

But im just reflecting on things. Losing my old tumblr blog and emails before being hospitalized and sent to a facility. Then coming back making new emails and having to start over.

You'd think something like this would devastate me. But months earlier my house caught on fire and i lost all my sketches and artwork. I lost memorable items, manga collections i had since high school.

It was all gone. So some d*** hacking my phone and making me lose access to my emails and logins was the least of my problems. But when i went through living with someone who wanted to do s*xual things to me, being coerced while i was in psychosis and being assaulted.

I felt lost. Luckily when i was hospitalized i found God again. So i was working on getting back on the straight and narrow after i thought i was being spiritually attacked and realizing someone put a curse on me. (I think i know what happened but its another story for another day) And the psychosis took time to wear off.

In the meantime i managed to make a tumblr account again and start over. And i think its probably been about 2 or 3 months (getting out of that psychosis fog finally thank God!) And im not as patient and docile as i was before during the bits i was in psychosis. But im trying my best to stay close to God and Jesus and lead/live by example.

I feel like there's a lot i can thank God for and even if its just my psychosis i truly believe i am God's servant and soldier. I've been through so much and i had been so tough through it. It was scary, but braving it through and being patient taught me how to go about my life. It also taught me the importance of faith and my priorities.

I also realize that i can be really sh**ty to people i dont know online. But we can only blame negative and toxic internet culture for that. So i started vowing that i'll try to treat people the way i wanted to be treated online. Even if we are 'enemies' i'll still be nice and kind and give you advice on being a better person.

I wanna be the light for people online. Even if im posting dumb f/o and fandom related stuff. I wanna be that person where people see my icon and say "Theyre not perfect but they really try their best to be positive"

Like i said before i dont expect everyone to like me. I shouldnt care what others think of me either. But if someone says im toxic and i dont try, i'll tell them they are a liar. Because even before i got on here again i have been trying my best since the accident. I've slipped, fell, made lots of mistakes and had a hard time staying holy and righteous on my spiritual journey.

But anybody who judges me dont know what i went through. Dont know why i am the way i am. Dont know that im constantly improving me. With God and Jesus in my life, i may not know it all but i understand things a lot more than i did before. And im appreciative of Yahweh than i have ever been.

I know all of this is temporary anyway. Though i am appreciative of what i have now. Im not too keen on who we stay with for the moment, but im thankful i got a place to stay until we move. There's a lot to be grateful for now. And even though she drives me nuts, im grateful to have my mom.

These past few months in 2023 have been crazy. And i dont know how long i'll have this blog and side blogs. But im grateful it made it this far. And who knew i'd like Saitama from One Punch Man 🤷‍♀️ ?

But the fact i jumped from Enrico Pucci, to Joseph Joestar, to Saitama so quick worries it wont last. But i might have to force this hyperfixation somehow.

Anyway, I hope i didnt bore you too much. And i know most people on tumblr dont take time to read things. But i'd say: Count your blessings, be grateful for even the smallest things, appreciate your friends online and irl, and dont take things for granted

ty y'all have a good day, God bless, and drink plenty of water✩

#thoughts #✰Cass✰ thoughts #blog #thank you God #It really has been at least 2 or 3 months huh?

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fandxmslxt69 · 1 month

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Happy birthday, Clem 🌟 (I hope I’m not late to the party!)

How about a round of fuck, marry, thrill? (no killing required 🤭)

- Sir Thomas Sharpe

- Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy

- Thor Odinson

HI HI HI !!!!!!! omg hi 🤭🤭🤭🤭 you are not too late my love!! just in the midst of the party <33

NO KILL REQUIRED !! god bless. i love how it is very clear we are both on a Thomas Sharpe spree (thank you for the blessed crimson peak content on my dash it was time for a rewatch and it was blessed)

OKAY LETS SEE

Thrill... Mr Darcy i dont know. i wouldnt want to marry him, and i dont think i want to fuck him either, but a little something in between. fun vibes all around yknow

Fuck Sir Thomas Sharpe ABSOLUTELY ok despite my belief i am not any better than Edith and I too would have fallen for that man's STUNNING face and sweet voice and pretty soft eyes. he's sooo mysterious and alluring.... but no yeah i would fuck him. i want to ruin him. i will not fall into the trap of his tragedy but perhaps a good fuck can help him escape

Marry Thor okay this was a hard one and truly i would normally say I'd fuck Thor and marry Thomas Sharpe but. idk. first of all, Thor is always easy access to Loki (not that i would ever betray Thor in any shape way or form i would die for Thor) but. yknow. Loki. and also, Thor is just such a fun vibe. like i want to do the most crazy batshit stuff ever with him. he's an enabler and so am i. "do you want to climb the Eiffel tower together?" buddy i will not be the one to tell you no!!! lets go. "should i really be spending all this money on books...seems a bit much..." "mortal life is short! and joyous moments are fleeting! cherish them when you can" "well you dont have to tell ME twice" we'd be unstoppable. who am i to turn down his ideas and who is he but the best husband to enable all my bad choices !!!! Anyway. Yeah no Thor would be such a vibe. i don't think i'd ever romantically love him, but it would be a happy marriage nonetheless. Perhaps he will hook me up with his fine ass brother. perhaps this marriage was a silly accidental drunk cliche idea after an Avengers trip to vegas even when we BOTH know im only eyeing Loki sinfully and it just becomes one big miscommunication but its all silly games. idk idk idk you tell me.

#I LOVE DOING THESE BECAUSE I GET TO JUST SPEW THE MOST RAAAANDOM ASS NONESENSE EVER #and no one can say anything #its my party. and my game.#ITS SO FUN I LOVE THESE OMG #coming up with the most silly random ideas and stories out of NOWHERE #literally no one asked for it but i gave it anyway #do you see how i am always somehow relating this back to Loki #yeah. i know. im a lost cause but actually so are all of us so its okay #THANKS FOR THE ASK THIS WAS SO FUN #had to FIGHT HARD between thor and thomas....#in truth i am but a girl and i actually WOULD fall for his trap and end up stuck in his tragedy. im no different from Edith.#clem talks <3 #THANKS FOR PLAYING #Clem's Birthday Hang Out

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dumbbitchfrommars · 2 years

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I’m too exhausted to write in my physical journal so this will have to do. This monstrous inanimate object that has come to rule my life. I’m so addicted to my phone and it’s so normal to me when once upon a time people existed for lifetimes without picking one up. Ugh

I can’t seem to figure out what the right thing to do for myself is. I work and earn money but it’s not enough. I do yoga and journal and exercise and eat well but I don’t feel like I’m doing enough for myself. I tell myself affirmations constantly yet the anxiety and doubt and insecurity creeps in those fleeting moments inbetween. I look in the mirror and see how beautiful I am but I still feel like I’m not. I acknowledge my perfection and imperfection and still feel wrong. Like I’m masking so well, So functionally “happy”, that even I can’t see how deeply unsatisfied I am with my life.

It’s just tiredness. It’s just a burnout. But it really calls in all the difficulties of my life like a fucking train steaming full speed through my mind. Of course I’m thankful. I am lucky to have the life that I’ve been given. But I also feel there are so many things that could of easily been avoided, and I would function so much easier. I would reach my goals faster. I would accept myself more. But I suppose it would defeat the purpose of this being MY life. Maybe me in an alternate universe is living that easy life. Good for her.

Anyway, I was supposed to meet a guy tomorrow for a booty call. But I am not mentally or physically or emotionally in a place where I can do that. No, definitely not. My head is killing me. God really putting me through it to get to this breakthrough of transformation. I don’t even feel like smoking weed lately! That’s crazy. I love unwinding with a cheeky cone. I have to experience the heaviness and the intensity of my emotions at the moment. It’s literally a purge of the old and the structures that don’t serve me anymore. Aka my ex and old friends.

Weirdly, I have dreamt at least 3 times now of my childhood best friend. She and I haven’t been friends for the longest time, probably over 10 years now. I don’t know. I can’t even interpret anything right now.

God, if you’re listening (reading), thanks for putting up with my constant whining. I know I’m in this constant struggle state of dissatisfaction. I do appreciate all the blessings in my life. It’s just… this stagnancy is so draining. I take responsibility for that. I am the one in control of my life. I can change this. I’m just so scared. Can you give me the courage to bring about change? I want to be brave like the people I meet in this journey of life. I want to be strong enough to face my own darkness and fears and to live without limits. I want to accept myself the way I am and to challenge myself to grow and be even better than that. Is that where I’m going wrong? The person I am and the person I want to be seem so different. Where is my compromise? It’s so exhausting. I’m on this constant uphill battle to be the perfect version of me, but the real me couldn’t be further from that. It’s disheartening and depressing. I’m clearly doing the wrong thing here. But if I accept myself as I am, how will I find success in this dog eat dog world? I’m so shy, I’m so anxious and introverted. I’m not like these laid back aussies. It’s my biggest strength but also my biggest weakness, because of how much I compare myself.

Maybe if i stay patient and slowly work towards my goals, the system will change, and I’ll slowly have the same opportunities as they do. Then I won’t have to pretend to be someone im not.

Anywho, bye for now. Give me strength to slay another day. Xxxxxxxxxxoxoxoxo

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dienamights · 3 years

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Not Your Best Man | D.Kaminari

✎ Denki Kaminari was resentful of all the things Katsuki Bakugou has, the high hero ranks, the fame despite his demeaning behavior, his intelligence, and most importantly, you.

✎ Protagonists: Denki Kaminari x Fem!Reader

✎ Word count: 5.2K

✎ Category: Smut MDNI, angst

✎ Caution(!): Smut MDNI, swearing, denki is jealous, bakuhoe is an asshole, mommy kink, loss of control of quirk during sex, degradation, praise, oral (male!receiving), unprotected sex, orgasm denial to a certain point, mention of puking, doing denki dirty in so many ways and I’m sorry but I’m also… not sorry.

✎ Author’s notes: Hello! Hope everyone’s well! I’m here with @forrest-fern’s Seven Deadly Sins server Collab! I snatched Denki and chose Envy! I wasn’t able to get bakugou but you know damn well I’m squeezing his ass in there lmao (peep the banner you can see the boom boom boy) (shut up im not late shush)

» Masterlist | Requests | Taglist

Her hair is piled up and back, showing more of her delicate yet strong features. Skin so flawless his hands feel bound when he wants to touch it, afraid of staining it with his fingertips, not deeming himself worthy to taint it. Eyes brought out beautifully with makeup products she knew how to work to make her look even more gorgeous than she already is. Lips perfectly coated in lipstick, always formed in the littlest smile, and he feels compelled to kiss the product off of them.

The dress is perfect, it sits on her body as if it has been made just for her. Its fabric folds hugging her figure, following her curves. It’s color is gorgeous against her skin with long sleeves that cover her arms, the backless dress shows skin that begs him, taunts him to touch it and to guide her along with him. The collar exposes enough shoulders that teases him to bite and mark up. It's tight skirt pooled till the floor with a slit up to her left thigh. She looks stunning and he couldn't stop but linger his eyes on her.

She looks as though she is an angel, in the form of the most beautiful girl on earth. Mesmerising eyes, so crystal clear that he could see rivers, oceans, the whole world through them. No flower, no goddess, not even Aphrodite could ever compare to her beauty. She has the body of a dancer, lithe, supple and oh so beautiful. With every step she takes, it looks as though she’s floating, and Denki only became more convinced that he had been around an angel for the majority of his life and he -regretfully- only was able to realize it a bit too late.

Regretfully, because she wasn’t his, isn’t his, will never be his. Not the measly unimportant groomsman. No, she is the best man’s, Katsuki Bakugou’s, meant to be his forever.

Bakugou’s BakugousBakugousBakugous… Dammit

“I do.”

An adorable little boy dressed in a black tuxedo walks up and hands Kirishima a ring. He slips it on Mina's finger. The pastor smiles and turns to Mina. She wears a strapless wedding gown with embroidery on her bodice. Rhinestones and pearl beads sewn on her gown. She wears a two-tier veil, with a matching crystal head-piece. She holds a French rose silk bouquet. Kirishima is stunning. He wears a black, single-breasted, satin tuxedo with a white-wing collar shirt.

The pastor repeats the question and receives the same reply. You watch her take his ring from a small girl dressed in pink and place it on his finger. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

"You may now kiss your bride." He does so, placing his hands on her shoulders and pressing his lips against hers. The pastor holds up his hands, bringing the cheering crowd to their feet.

Kirishima and Mina leave the gazebo, arms linked, with huge smiles on their faces. The best man, maid of honor, and the groomsmen and bridesmaids follow suit, falling in behind them. They stop near the end of the walk, forming the start of the receiving line.

The family and guests file down, pausing for hugs and kisses and congratulating the young couple. Mina then turns around and throws her bouquet of flowers behind her. The women collide with each other as they try to catch it.

She cheers loud when the bouquet falls in your hands, and you giggle and wave it around, the women’s disappointed groans muffled in your ears when you catch the beautiful vermillions of your partner, oblivious to the golden specks that have been eyeing your every move since you stepped foot into the wedding.

“You could’ve been more obvious about wantin’ me to put a ring on your finger.” Katsuki chuckles against your ear, standing behind you with his hands on your hips, both of you looking at the newlyweds as they enter the reception with everyone awwing at them as they did their first dance as husband and wife.

The sun has set long ago, the full moon hanging and illuminating the area beautifully, the fairy lights and lamps circling the area, making the happy couple look absolutely glowing, and you smile at the scene from outside the dance floor.

“They fell in my hands ‘Suki.” you giggle, lacing your fingers between his, “Besides, you already did, didn’t you?”

“Hmm,” his breath tickles your ear, fingers twisting your engagement ring around your ring finger, “was forced to, after all that whinin’ ‘bout wantin’ to settle down and not knowin’ when we’ll see each other when we’re goin’ on missions, and cherishin’ the lives-” he fakes a snore and rests his full weight on your back, both of you laughing as you tip forward and he catches you in time, placing his hand on your waist again and swaying with you as you see your friends happier than they ever were.

You look perfect, standing there holding each other, absolutely and utterly disgusting. Denki stares at you, fire spreading in his abdominal, his lungs constricting with every breath he takes the longer he looks at you. Swaying together, Katsuki’s lips pressing against your temple and you letting out the most beautiful laugh, Denki can’t help but clench the front of his shirt at the sight, wishing, hoping for nothing more than to be in his shoes, being the one lucky enough to be able to hold you that close, the one that has the privilege to hear your laugh, the one to make you laugh.

“Hey Denki,” He is snapped back to reality when Kirishima stands in front of him, blocking his view from the flawless couple. “H-hey Eiji! Congratulations bro, you’re finally a married man!” They hug, Denki’s eyes never leaving you while Katsuki twirls you to face him and peppers kisses across your face. “Thanks man! Hey sorry, could you get Bakugou for me real quick, we’re taking a few pictures with the best man and the maid of honor.”

“Right away, man of the hour.”

Oh God, oh God, he isn’t ready to face you yet. You look too pretty, he doesn’t feel worthy to be in your presence, driven to bow down and ask for forgiveness for even breathing the same as yours. And yet, you smile upon his arrival, even letting go of Bakugou’s hand to wave him over, and you’re blessing him with your smile, giggles sounding like the singing of angels when he waves back excitedly.

“Hi!” you beam up at him the minute he’s close enough to be graced with your voice, “Where have you been, it’s like you were avoiding me all this time,” you pout for a second and Denki could swear he felt his heart skip multiple beats when your lips wobble and a smile makes it way back up at him.

“H-hey, ummm, Baku- uh.” he laughs at himself, trying to collect whatever dignity he has left. “Uh, Eiji is lookin’ for ya bro, something about a photoshoot with the maid of honor?” The groan Bakugou lets out is enough of a confirmation.

“Fuckin’ pain in my fuckin’ ass bitch” he grumbles, pressing his lips against your temple again, promising to come back after the ‘Motherfuckin’ bitch shoot’ is done. You only reply by squeezing his arm, a silent reassurance that you’ll be waiting for him when he gets back.

It's so revolting, the way he swears up and down, having the filthiest mouth with his words, not even respecting the beautiful goddess that tries to calm his nasty self down, he should be more considerate of you and your feelings, God he loathes the way he treats you. The way he mistreats you.

You deserve to be treated so much better than that, the way Denki would, he’d downright kiss the ground you walk on, remind you every day that you’re the best thing that ever happened to him, the best goddamn thing to ever grace this earth.

Okay, you’re staring. God, has she been staring too? Denki, people always say you never shut up, use it to your advantage for once in your life.

Denki extends his arm to you, curses under his breath, wipes his sweaty palm against his pant leg before extending it again. "Would you like to dance?" You raise your eyebrows. "Would you like to dance?"

"Well, dancing is what a charming gentleman like myself would do.” He beames at the chuckle you let out. “Besides, you're beautiful and I want to show you off.” He pauses. “You know, while Bakugou is busy with his best man duties and all."

You smile, your pretty lips letting out a little giggle at his posture as he starts wiggling his fingers persuasively, and shake your head. "You know what? Yeah, I would like to dance."

Arm-in-arm, you and Denki head into the dance floor and step onto the wooden ground. You felt him move easily with you, agile and confident with the music as he takes the lead. His hands slowly yet surely reach to your lower back, but you shrug it off.

"Ah, expect tango music after this," he says. Eyes gleaming as they shift over to the DJ that nods in acknowledgement to him. He frowns when he sees your averted face, shifting your eyes away from his, observing, searching for him, your fiance, the person he wishes he could be, someone he could never be.

Denki trips over his words in an effort to regain your attention, “A-anyway, uh, um. Hey! Did you know that uh, t-tango is banned in other places of the world?" you raise your eyebrows.

“Is it?”

“Yeah, wanna know why?”

“Didn’t expect you to know honestly.” He smiles as you laugh lightly, but something tugs at his heartstrings, its because you think of him as nothing but stupid brainless dunce face, depsite him entering and graduating one of the best hero courses in all of Japan, alongside you of all people, despite his hero work, the people he saves, the villains he captures, fuck.

You don’t miss the way his face falls after your remark, an almost sour expression passing through before he clears his throat and looks behind your shoulder at basically nothing. “S-so,” you start, “Why was it banned?”

The blond’s eyes flicker over to you and soften at the way you’re cocking your head and smiling at him, despite him getting upset with you. What is he doing? He’s experiencing something straight out of his fantasies, having you pressed so close to him, dancing with him and smiling at him. No one else.

“Oh, okay okay, so. It was considered the dance of the low-lifes at the worst places of society when it first emerged, and so the church banned it, because they said it had the music of the “immoral” factions of society”

“Oh? Why’s that.”

“It was considered an oversexualized dance. Portraying the sin and seduction of the Devil. It represents the Devil's nostalgia, his unrequited aspirations, loneliness, rejection, and misery. The longing of someone who will never fit in, who has never had love nor passion.” He takes a deep breath.

“It's like sex, except with clothes on.”

In a failed attempt to seduce you, he stumbles and steps on your heels. Earning a weak yelp from you as you back up from him.

It's okay, it's okay, he can fix this. Oh God the music stopped. Okay he gets to dance tango with you now and press you even more against him and hold you even closer, okay. God, are his hands always this sweaty?

The silence that follows the stopping of the music makes him panic, you’re so close, he just needs to reach out and hold you against him again. Press your tender body against his, let him pretend you’re his, pretend that he’s lucky enough to take you home with him. Help you take off your dress, press kisses against the curves of your body, make love to you all night.

Put all of that is cut short when he feels a daunting presence behind him, and he doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is. Because the way your face lights up at that presence is enough to stop his blood from pumping, enough for him to see only red, for him to dig his nails into the palm of his hands until he feels it piercing his skin.

“Hey,” the taunting voice of Katsuki Bakugou reminds him how beneath him he really is. “Yer havin fun with my girl.” it wasn’t a question. Despite that, in a desperate attempt to feel your touch one more time before you’re swept away by your big strong hero, that he would never be able to match to.

With trembling fingers, Denki grasps your hand and brings your knuckles close to his lips, eyes boring into each other while he kisses them, and you only grin in appreciation at his manners, doing the most adorable courtesy he has ever seen in his life, almost forgetting the looming presence of his former classmate.

Bakugou moves around Denki to reach you, and Kaminari knows at this point all hope is lost for you to dance with him, or better yet, have any interaction with him again for the entirety of the night. Katsuki held your hand with surprising firmness, caramel scent wafting through as you feel how sweaty his hands really are.

“Are you warm?” You mumble, lacing your fingers through his when his reaction is to pull his hands away to wipe them at his pants.

“No.” It's firm and it's rough, yet it isn’t directed at you. It’s directed to the other blond that surprisingly still hasn’t backed down and is still standing straight, eyeing how you two act as a couple, how he wishes you would hold his hand, ask him if he was warm, embrace all his insecurities.

As your fiance leads you back to the center of the dance floor. Hand starting at your waist but quickly slipping to grab a handful of your ass, chuckling when you squeal and slap his chest. Something wicked gleams in his eyes when the first tune of the violin starts playing, drifting with the harmony of the accordion.

“You and I both know that my knowledge of tango is as much as my knowledge for knitting, that’s right, nonexistent.”

“You know my body, don’t you?” he doesn’t wait for an answer. “Follow my lead, let your body do the talking.”

“You’re crazy.” yet you still laugh, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips as he pulls you impossibly close to him, raveling in the feeling of your chest pressed to his. You’re rolling your eyes a little at the way his smirk stretches when he pinches your butt, but you instantly shiver when he places his warm calloused hand within the cutout of your dress on your lower back, skin to skin. And just like your body is made to be molded against his, you place your arm over his shoulder while the other is engulfed in his.

He steps close, too close, scandalously close. Pressing his cheek against your temple and only then meeting the eyes of Denki, that's when his smile drops, every playful act with you is gone. His magma filled eyes staring into the soul of the electrical hero.

Mine MineMineMine

Neither were stupid, Katsuki knows what Denki is doing, and Denki is well aware of Katsuki’s ability to piece shit together.

Denki is left lonesomely standing by the DJ, watching the way you two dance, the way Bakugou steps forward in your space and you stepping back to accommodate him. He seethes in his stance as you two rock on your feet, the way Bakugou handles your body with firmness and strength, yet softly watching you when you giggle at the way he spins your body effortlessly. Kaminari sees the way you let yourself be led, the way you trust Bakugou to handle you, hold you, care for you, in ways he could only hope for you to see him.

You are perfectly synchronized, almost fluid like, an extension of each other, like you had done this a million times before, practised day and night to perfect it. Bakugou takes his time twirling you across the room, seductively slow. Thighs brushing against each other with every stupid turn.

His body whispering commands to yours, daring it to misbehave, you step and lean and sway, every movement perfect and precise, like an intricate choreography that you have never learned, but your bodies remembering them. He dances with you the way he has sex—with exquisite control, infinite patience, and aggressive moves.

Huh, that's what Denki must have meant.

At that moment, your eyes catch him standing outside the dance floor, and you almost don’t recognize the man alone, filled by ugly emotions they couldn’t help but spill and show on his expression. Sour and hateful and just plain cruel looking.

Katsuki’s mouth curves in a lazy smile at how your brows furrow, spinning you in a vigorous turn so he’s the one facing him instead. You aren’t dense, you feel the eyes on you, well aware who they belong to as they burn through your back. He lowers his head, forcing you to look back up at him, your lips grazing against his, too close.

“Yer puttin’ on a show for your boy?”

“A show- no you ass, weren’t you the one that wanted to dance?” you try to lean away to scold him -yes, middance- but the blond lowers further, until you think he’s trying to get you to shut up by kissing you. Suddenly he’s dipping you low, his face stays only a few inches away from yours, your back arching beautifully.

A static sound dwells on you, followed by the buzzing of electricity. The lights flicker and you instinctively grab at Katsuki, tightening your hold against his bicep, your eyes searching his when he doesn’t lift you back up, only to find him not even looking at you.

His fingers are tingling, tips wiggling as they shoot little sparks at the sight in front of him, his golden eyes illuminating in the momentary darkness as they clash with the magma filled rubies, challenging him, taunting him, mocking him.

MineMineMine

And when Denki accidentally short circuits the entire DJ booth, the dance hall instantly quiets, a blanket of silence weighing them down and daring someone to break it. And yet, Bakugou has other plans, of course.

Sneakily, he slides his hand down from your back to your knee, firmly grabbing your leg as his eyes meet yours before lifting it to his hip. Fingers slipping under your dress and grazing your upper thighs, sending goosebumps racing across your skin, not having the courage to break eye contact until you hear the gasp of a few of the attendees. Only then does he close the gap between to press his lips against yours, the little audience you collected clapping and cheering you along.

The whistling and cheering is loud enough for you to miss the sound of Denki’s fist slam against the table and the sobs wrecking him as he drags his feet away from the scene.

BakugousBakugousBakugous

Sero grunts as he struggles to push the hotel room door open with Denki leaning his full weight on him. It takes him a couple of tries to finally get the drunk man on the bed, slapping his hands away as Denki tries to grab at and kiss the man.

“C’moooon, Hantaaaaa, s’not like you don’ wanna, look atchu, you’re takin’ off m’clothes but you don’ wanna kiss me?”

“You ass, I’m taking off your shoes because you stepped in your own vomit.”

The man gags, chugging the shoes in the trash can and helping his friend ease off of his suit jacket. “Yer a good man Hanta, say, you wanna be m’best man?” Sero laughs, shaking his head as he tries to help him lay on his stomach, “y’know, when I marry y/n.”

The silence that follows is deafening, Sero not having the heart to talk when he catches the sound of Denki sniffing and burying his head in his pillow.

“I- “

“Jus’ leave me alone, Sero.”

And he does, the only confirmation of his solitude is the echoing click of the door’s lock as Sero leaves Denki to brew in his own self loathing.

It takes Denki a few minutes to collect himself, the nausea forcing him to take off his shirt and pants, lying down on his back to feel the cool air on his chest. He doesn’t realize he has his eyes closed until he snaps them open when he hears his door click close.

There you are, radiating, mesmerizing, you’re practically glowing, standing there by his door, adorned by your… nightgown?

God, please don’t say you’re in the wrong room, please don’t say you’re in the wrong room.

“You sure you’re in the right room y/n?”

You don’t answer, you just simply, untie your robe. And Denki’s eyes practically bulge out when the silk robe slips right off of your shoulder and drops in a pile on the floor by your feet. He can’t look you in the eyes, he’s looking at every inch of exposed skin he can muster, committing every curve, every dip, every contour, every fucking thing to memory.

“You’re here, aren’t you?” that’s when he looks back up at your eyes -after shamelessly staring at your peaking nipples for a second too long - blinking twice at your words. He sits up with a struggle, “W-wait, what about Bakugou?”

“What about him?”

And honestly, that alone almost made him bust a nut.

You’re pushing at his chest until he lays back down, throwing your leg over his figure and straddling him. Instantly, he feels your warmth pressing against his strained length and his body shivers at the thumbing against it.

“You’re so good to me Denki,” you breathe, fingers combing through his hair before you take a fistful of it and lightly tug, rolling your hips against his and relishing in the whines he lets out, slender fingers reaching for your thighs and grabbing handfuls, his eyes begging for you to do it again, and when you do, he throws his head back and moans.

“You treat me so well,” you pout, nails tracing his sweaty flushed chest, peppering kisses along it, moving up until you reach his ear, biting at it and giggling when he ruts his hips up against you. Feeling your slick dampen the front of his boxers as his leaky cock does the same. “So pretty for me” he whines again, eyes blown out and chest heaving at the feeling of being kissed by you, held by you, touched by you, hell, looked at by you.

“Fuck, again, ah- d-don’t stop, pleaseplease-”

“Use your words baby, wadda you want?” he thrashes against the bed when you grind your hips against his again, the tips of his fingers buzzing and twitching when you’re lowering yourself to press your chest against his face.

“Fuck, wanna feel your pretty pussy, feel you squeeze my cock, please, just -ah, put it in.” it's all muffled from the spit collecting on tongue and the way he’s smothered by your tits but honestly he wouldn’t have it any other way.

His body refuses to move as you scoot lower, straddling his thigh and grinding your hips against it, wickedly smiling as he whines ‘nonono’ when you do, “m-my cock, my cock, please stop teasin’.” the tip of your finger traces the elastic of his boxers, giggling at the way his body jerks up and at the gasp he lets out when you snap it against his hip. Before gliding your finger against his strained cock, enjoying the way it twitches under your touch, feeling it harden against you.

You coo at him as you pull off his boxers, when you see that there is no initiation from him to move. The sight of his pretty cock with its fiery head welcoming you and you can’t help but grab at it. “Pretty boy all needy for me, hmm?” You give it a lick from the base to the tip, sucking on the head of his cock and feeling it twitch inside of your mouth, hollowing out your cheek and looking up to see the way his face flushes, his body illuminating with the crackling of the thunders around him, twitching his body before he breathes out a few times to calm himself down.

How is he so lucky? How is he blessed with having your lips wrapped around his cock, just looking at you is tightening a knot in his belly, and he can’t help but throw his head back and close his eyes in an effort to prolong his orgasm to feel even more of you.

He doesn't open his eyes until he feels a looming shadow on him, and that's when he catches sight of you again, the moon hitting your face, your glistening precum-covered lips smiling down at him.

“Want me to take care of you?” You tease, chuckling breathlessly as Denki feels your pussy on his cock, your slick covering it as you roll your hips and feel your pussy gush at the way his body shivers in ecstasy at your touch. “Yes! Please mommy ye-”

“Mommy?” Did he just say it out loud? “No, ah- fuck, no-no I didn’t say that I-” you don’t even let him talk, gyrating your hips again, covering his dick with your slick, without having your walls flutter around him just yet.

It takes a few teasing grinds of you against him to have him sobbing at this point, “m-mommy please just please! I wanna, ah” he thrashes when the tip of his leaky cock catches your clit, the lightnings he’s producing passing by his eyes and obscuring his blurry vision for a while, before he’s blessed with the sight of you beautifully arched on top of him. “In, in, wanna feel the pretty pussy, please please lemme feel the pretty pussy.” it's just meaningless babbling at this point, anything to get your walls tightening around his cock, all sensitive from being rubbed against you for god knows how long.

And when his head catches your cunt, he all but cries out at the way it clenches at the head, bucking his hips up to feel more of you. Wanting you to swallow him whole, take him all the way in. “Y’gonna just fuck into my pussy like that, hmm? Is that how you’re treatin’ mommy now?” “n-no! Ah, m’sorry pleaseplease, I just, you feel s’good, you’re s’tight aaah, wanna feel more, please I want more more more,” and he does. So, without a warning, you drop your hips and impale yourself on his cock, and for fuck’s sake all of what Denki saw what white for a few seconds, he could’ve sworn he heard a few angels singing, even.

“That what you want, hmm? Want her to take care of her pretty boy?” you pout mockingly, bouncing yourself on his lap as he tries to grab hold of your hips to guide you, but the way you’re jerking his body has his head dizzy and his sight swimming, the low buzzing of his quirk muffled by the wet slaps of your skin against his, your ass clapping against his thighs and he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget that sound, and he just settles for letting you please yourself with his cock, because if you’re gonna use him as a fucking dildo, then he wouldn’t fucking have it any other way.

Weakly snapping his hips upwards with the drops of your hips, Denki’s leg shake and it takes a few more times for his cock to fully seath itself in your tight walls for him to let go, feeling your pussy squeeze his cock for all his worth as your pants turn into whines, suddenly they’re very afar, almost like you’re underwater. Yet he’s the one feeling like his lungs are constricted when he hears the name you’re calling, and it isn’t his. “Ka- ahh- suki…”

Only then does Denki realize that you aren’t in his room, your discarded rope isn’t thrown haphazardly on the floor by the door, your slick isn’t covering his thigh or coating his dick, and the worst of all, your pussy isn’t the one that has been squeezing his cock, oh no.

It was his hand, those slender fingers wrapping around his softening cock, smeared with his cum. He lifts his hand in horror, disgust and shame eating him up, especially when his ears perk up at your sound.

“Fuck, Katsu- yesyesyes, right there, yes!” Whatever nausea he felt subsiding is coming back tenfold, burning his throat as he slaps his hand over his mouth, anything to stop himself from puking on himself.

“Ha, that what you want? Getting dicked down after havin’ fun with that fuckin’ dunce face.” The wet sounds of Bakugou’s hips slapping yours is almost making his ears bleed. “Havin’ that prick touchin’ ya like that. Fuckin’ slut, all of that to rile me up so I can fuck that tight lil pussy, that what you want?”

Denki doesn’t know what’s the last nail on the coffin, the absolute filth being spewed to you, tainting your angelic ears, that aren’t meant to hear anything but praises and confessions of love and gratitude, the fact that you’re squealing and moaning for him to fuck you even harder, or the fact that he’s listening to every squealching sound, every creak the bed made, every slam of the headboard against your shared wall, every breath, every moan, every scream, everything.

That's when Denki flings himself off of the bed and empties his stomach, right on the floor next to his bed, tears stinging his eyes as he tries to trick himself that it's because of the way his throat is burning and not because of the way his heart is shattering, feeling it wrenched from his chest and thrown on the floor, stepped on and spat on and just beaten to the point of no return.

Sniffing and lifting his head up, Denki can’t help but see red, his whole body crackling with newfound vigor, his whole body is numb, like his quirk is taking the lead, putting his consciousness on the back burner. He chuckles, despite you moaning out Katsuki’s name when you find your release, despite him calling yours as he finds his, despite hearing your giggles and the kisses he’s pressing against god knows where on your body, despite the tears streaming down his face.

The last thing Denki remembers before he lets his quirk take complete control over him, is the humming of energy, the fleeting blinding brightness, the shattering of the light bulbs all around him, the loud deafening bangs, almost like music to his ears and finally, the sound of you screeching in horror.

Hope you like it! Kithes kithes

#im not even sorry #bnhacity #denki smut #kaminari smut #denki kaminari smut #denki x reader smut #denki x reader #kaminari x reader smut #kaminari x reader #denki angst #denki x female reader #kaminari x fem!reader #nami writes

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delicrieux · 3 years

Text

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”.

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing. word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie: y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!”

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

queen rly went from 🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing.

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.”

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall.

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets.

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout.

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

#corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse #corpse x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #myso #make you say oh #imagine #imagines

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enderwoah · 3 years

Text

ORIGINS SMP HEADCANONS (because i love them): SEASON TWO EDITION BAYBEEE

(this is really long ENJOY :gun:)

tommy

he is phil's son smile

phil's most recent son at least

he's got like one more somewhere

he picked this one up off the dangerous streets a few years ago and he's been sticking with phil ever since

his wings are small- not too small to fly, but they're untrained to the point where it would take a lot or work to get him off the ground

but at first, he didn't really seem to want to learn all that much?

(he has three scars on his face- all from trying to learn how to fly when he was younger)

(he gave up after the third one)

("if at first you don't succeed; try, try again" is his motto, and he tried all three times)

but!! phil and wilbur are very persuasive :) and now that he knows he can fly, he's not going to rest until he does

he's a little manipulative to get what he wants sometimes, but can you blame someone that lived on the street for so long?

he had to do that to survive! it's not his fault.

(it's a great excuse.)

he laughs like a kookaburra amen

he squawks when he gets scared

he chirps. he tries not to because it makes phil go absolutely bird-brained but he does sometimes and he hates it.

tubbo

NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A B[GUNSHOTS]

god he is. so fucking annoying (/rp)

he simply does not know when to stop

he ignores social cues to see when someone is annoyed

(see: he can read social cues. he does read social cues. when you get annoyed that's when he starts being more annoying, because you're more likely to give him what he wants to get him to shut the fuck up.)

he loves talking to (at) people, especially people he doesn't really know that well

so he's trying to be friends with ranboo, but the absolute prick keeps trying to avoid any actual conversations, so that's not working

he buzzes when he gets excited-happy

his fingertips are completely blackened and horrendously sharp, functioning as ten individual stingers

they don't do any actual damage but he's working on that

techno

wither hybrid (??)

how can you be a wither hybrid?? nobody got down and dirty with the wither

he's an experiment

the reason we haven't seen him yet? he's staying away from the main area of the smp

he doesn't want to ruin its natural beauty with his withering effect, so he keeps to himself on the outskirts of the smp

which sucks

withers get health from killing things

he's not fully a wither, so he gets energy from being around people and sort of draining their life force a little bit

he feels terrible when he's with just one person because they are Literally his life support and it makes the person feel like shit

when he's with a big group of people its great!! he only has to take a little bit from everyone and its barely noticable!!

but then there's the wither part. so he has to stay away.

he's always tired

always exhausted

he's a farmer, so taking it from animals works, but god does he miss people

but he can only visit a few times and for very short

(he's afraid that one of these days he'll get so bad that the next time he sees someone he'll accidentally kill them)

(it already happened once. he's blessed that he's been forgiven, even made friends with by the victims, but he doubts he'll be able to pull that off again with no consequences like last time)

wilbur

phantlings are dead elytrians, and given that wilbur was phil's son...he's a phantling

he died in the late 50s and was a librarian when he was alive, so he's very possessive (ha) over all of his things

you should never ask to "borrow" anything from him, he will hound you about it until you give it back

it's best to just say that you want something from him to keep

even if youre going to give it back

just for your own peace of mind

phantlings can feel fear and get a genuine feeling of elation from scaring people

of course, sometimes its unwelcome (feeling large amounts of fear from someone they care about in a bad way just makes them pissed)

but for the most part, wilbur loves appearing in the corner of people's visions just to jumpscare them a few minutes later

all in good fun, of course!! it's just hilarious :)

being the lighthearted, fun guy he is, he's not particularly secretive about his method of death

"how did i die? well, it all started -- ended -- on november 16th, 1958!"

"i walked out of the library late, since i took the shift for my wife since she was feeling sick and i worked there anyways,"

"the streets were dark and only lit up by gaslamps...and out of an alley...appeared..........."

techno.

he didn't mean it. wilbur isn't at all mad at him (anymore)

he was starving. he didn't know that one touch would be enough to fully revitalize him...

and murder wilbur where he stood.

sneeg

has details on everyone on the server

you Cannot Hide Shit From Sneeg

its impossible

if you find of his any shittly little mouse holes then you're doomed

you find one and there are twenty more

he's under your floorboards while you're having your important discussion about trapping the nether roof

sucks to suck ig??

he seems to be the favourite of many, which is weird since he rarely goes out of his way to actually talk to many people

he's the only person that tubbo doesn't actively try to annoy (or maybe he just doesn't find tubbo's antics all that annoying)

he's the only person that ranboo stays around (or maybe he stays around ranboo- he and Phil seem to be the only ones not off-put by his slightly sadistic and whiny demeanour (not counting tubbo, who annoys him anyways)

phil seems to be more protective of him than he thinks is normal (he lets sneeg ride on his shoulder while travelling, so he doesn't really complain)

niki is completely protective over him (again, not complaining)

contrary to popular believe, he does not get high from sugar

if anything he gets

high-per

(get it)

(high-per)

(hyper)

he's literally just a nine-year old getting a sugar rush leave him alone

phil

take the normal "bird-brain" headcanons and multiply it by like sixty-four

and you've got origins phil

he can't see glass- or, rather, he can, but it doesn't register that 'hey, this is a solid surface i am going to slam into'

its very funny for everyone else but he's pretty sure he has permanent brain damage from the blunt force trauma

if there is ANYONE on the server who dares to chirp, bird or no, they must understand that they are signing away their privacy and giving phil the right to go absolutely bonkers over them momma bird style

(shoutout to tommy, wilbur, ranboo, and fundy for having to suffer through this)

"oh??? you don't have wings?? you don't have feathers?? omg?? then what's this im preening?? what do you mean im just braiding your hair?? nono this is preening smile"

god help you if you dare to have wings

poor tommy, wilbur, sneeg, and tubbo

phil can't help himself alright

do you think he wants to be any sort of protective over sneegsnag?

no!! but he cant stop himself!! sneeg might damage his wings if he keeps flying those super long distances!!! nnnno! carry the bug man!!!

it's weird, he's always had that protective sense over ranboo, too

but ranboo very obviously doesn't have wings, so he doesn't get it...

ranboo

yes ur a peasant

yes ur poor

yes im cooler than u

what r u gonna do about it

the enderdragon's son! partially a dragon, partially enderman, partially human (don't ask, his other mom is a hybrid), all spoiled brat!

given that he has a ton of dragon genes, he's extremely possessive over his stuff and Yes He Does Do The Hoarding Thing

he has a pile of rings and gold chains and necklaces and most of his jewellery hidden underneath his bed

(if you ask him, no, he doesn't)

not to wear

just to Have

one time, fundy stole one (1) bracelet from the hoard and ranboo was sent into a panic for a good 24 hours

he wouldn't leave his cave and kept counting and recounting as if that'd make the missing piece reappear

(when fundy had to give it back because of the guilt, he expected to get his face bitten off)

(instead, he just watched as the prince was flooded with relief, telling him to get the hell out and nothing more)

it's weird, he has so much gold and even a crown, and yet here he is

living with all those people ^^^

truth be told, the enderdragon isn't a very nice dragon

nor is she a very kind queen

nor was the other queen

nor was her son

there was a mutiny in the end, leading to the dragon queen and her wife being killed brutally by the crowd of angered people

they went after their son next, who had ordered executions and worked servants to the bone just as much as they had

they cut off his wings in the middle of the square

he was sure he was going to die until a random person (a peasant) jumped up and yelled at them for publicly torturing a child

but ranboo didn't really catch all of it, given he was delirious from pain

he got to get some stuff quickly and escape with his life

this wasn't too long ago, either, so he's still trying to...adjust...to people talking rudely to him

(he's also trying to adjust to not having wings)

(hence why he hurls himself off the edges of cliffs and then has to teleport to the bottom instead of glide. he keeps forgetting.)

#this is so long #origins smp #originssmp #ranboo #tubbo #philza #philza minecrft #sneegsnag #wilbur soot #technoblade #tommyinnit #help this is so long

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