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thisbisexualbrainrot · 8 months

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I Know Places We Can Hide

Rating: E

Summary: Aziraphale sneaks out of Heaven to visit Crowley. This fic is my version of a third season!

Tags: Post Season 2 Finale. Canon Compliant. Aziraphale POV. M/M. Sexual but plot driven.

Author Notes: NOW ON AO3! I just want more fic from Azi's perspective so I did it myself. Partly based on this post by @sensitivesiren cause I thought it was a great theory. Full first chapter is under the cut! :)

“Baby, I know places we won't be found and

They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down

'Cause I know places we can hide.”

-Taylor Swift

—

He wasn't supposed to be here.

Earth, that is. He wasn't supposed to be on Earth. And certainly was not supposed to be visiting a certain demon who, for all he knew, did not ever want to see him again.

The Supreme Archangel took a breath to steady himself, absentmindedly pulling on the stiff collar of his pressed, white suit that he knew he could not show his face in. A hint of a buzzing sensation in his fingers and he was back in his familiar earthly attire.

It's a small miracle, they won't notice…I hope Aziraphale bit his lip and wondered if he was pushing his luck too far this time. He had slipped out after his weekly management meeting, when the weight of the discussion had been overwhelming to no one else but him. He didn’t understand how they could talk about such things, their eyes dull with apathy, like they were discussing budgeting and not the destruction of the human race.

These last few months had been a torment. He knew Crowley was right, he was not like the other angels. He didn't care about war or great plans. Well, he did care in the sense that he didn't understand why the earth needed to be destroyed at all. If I'm the one in charge, I can make a difference. Some difference he’d made, indeed. In the months he’d been in heaven, the only difference he’d made was restructuring the scrivener recording schedules due to Muriels absence. In all other regards, he had found the job to be lacking in the “making decisions for heaven” department. It was more of a mouthpiece role, mimicking whatever The Metatron told him to command of the lower angels. He realized rather quickly that he had been manipulated. That heaven had offered him the job to get him away from Earth. Away from Crowley. Away from actually making a difference.

So, his wary eyes scanning the room near the elevator, he hastened his steps toward it and made his escape.

–

“Nope, not doing this.”

Crowley shot up from the bench like it was made of holy water. “I have absolutely nothing to say to you, Angel.” He turned to leave Saint James park, but not before throwing a spiteful “You can go ahead and change your clothes back. I know that's not what you're wearing up there.”

Aziraphale breathed out sharply through his nose. Of course, Crowley was going to be difficult. He’d hurt him, he knew that but he had hoped the demon would at least be a little pleased to see him.

“I changed for my own comfort, if you must know.” Not a complete lie. “Crowley, we need to talk. I-I’m terribly regretful of how we left things and-” “You need my help.” He interrupted, “That's why you’re here, right?” Aziraphale said nothing. He understood he had hurt him but the demon had hurt him as well. And it wasn’t fair that he was being so cruel. Crowley clearly noted the silence and snarked, “Well, unfortunately for you, I'm out of the business of helping angels.”

“Crowley, please.” Aziraphale said softly, “I- if you would just hear me out.” The angel felt a pang of fear, pursing his lips and hoping that he would at least be allowed to explain himself. He couldn’t read Crowley's expression since he wasn’t facing him but his shoulders looked… tense. He finally heard Crowley mutter through gritted teeth, “Fine.”

“Oh, thank you.” He could feel a slight warmth of relief sing through his bones. “You see, I made a terrible mistake and The Meta-” He stopped himself, this should be discussed more privately. He stumbled over his words, “That is, Could I-...would you be willing to come back to the bookshop with me?” It was the first place he could think of but not the most ideal place either, he realized.

Crowley paused and Azirphale hoped he hadn’t ruined his chance. “We can meet at my place.”

“Oh you're um- you have a new one now?” Crowley seemingly ignored the question. He took out a slip of paper that looked like a receipt, scrawled an address on it and handed it to him, still not turning fully to meet the Angel's eyes. “Meet you there.” And with that, Crowley quickly shoved his slender hands into his tight pockets and walked away.

Aziraphale watched Crowley leave, the slip of paper still clutched between his fingers. Hearing the anger in his voice made the angel wince. Oh how I've made a mess of things.

He still stopped by the bookshop briefly to check on it. Muriel was delighted to tell him all about their interactions with the humans and how they had read almost every book in the shop already. He smiled kindly to them, his mind distracted by the events in the park. He did not mention any of it to the young scrivener. He gave them a quick farewell, thanked them for watching over things and exited the shop. Anxiety pooled in the pit of his stomach. Right, the address. He pulled it out of his pocket.

How would he ever explain all of this? Where would he start? Had heaven realized he was gone? What if they found him? He glanced around anxiously and waited for a feeling of Michael or Uriel appearing but saw no none. He wanted to stop and see Maggie and Nina but couldn't risk any more time. He would have to catch up with them later.

He glanced back down at the sheet of paper and could make out the address even with Crowley's terrible handwriting. Aziraphale couldn't help but smile. It turns out, the flat was just a few blocks away. Maybe Crowley didn’t truly hate him after all.

The doorbell rang, a hollow chime echoing through the flat. Aziraphale waited not so patiently for the black door to swing open, yellow eyes finally meeting his gaze.

“I knew they would be purple.” Crowley mumbled with what sounded like annoyance to his voice.

His eyes. He had forgotten. “Oh- I would love to do away with them, however, I can't seem to change them.” He fiddled with his ring and gave Crowley a half hearted, nervous smile. Crowley smirked, “I know the feeling.”

He stepped aside, a gesture that pulled Aziraphale in and he was hit with the familiar comforting scent of amber and brimstone. I know what you smell like he remembered the demon telling him once, and well…likewise. The door shut behind him and Crowley headed over to a bar counter, pulling two wine glasses from a rack and pouring each of them a glass. A fire crackled in the hearth, and the room was cozy despite being mostly decorated in sleek black furnishings. Crowley handed him the glass and Aziraphale managed to say thank you with a steady voice. He was incredibly nervous. “So?” Crowley cleared his throat, knocking Aziraphale’s racing mind back into the room. “Are you going to explain what the purpose of this holy appearance is?” He settled in a large armchair, swinging one leg over the other. He leveled his gaze on Aziraphale, taking a sip of his wine.

Aziraphale felt the panic that had been swelling inside of him threaten to bubble over. He had no idea where to begin, just as he had feared. He ran his finger nervously over the rim of his glass. Staring down at it, he centered himself and pulled together what he needed to say, or at least it was a start.

He admitted quietly, “I've made a terrible mess of things. I should have never taken the job.”

Crowley was silent. Aziraphale continued after a pause, his eyes still downward. “It appears The Metatron’s intentions were to separate us. I have been all but useless as a leader, I'm afraid. They don't actually let me decide anything. Not anything of real importance. And, worst of all, they plan to initiate the Second Coming in a matter of months? Years? I'm not entirely sure but it will be soon.”

Crowley let out a frustrated sounding sigh, shaking his head, “So that is why you’re here, to get my help then? Cause if that’s all you want you can shove o-”

“No.” Aziraphale looked up then, and he hoped Crowley could see the pain in his eyes as he confessed, “I am here to apologize and beg for your forgiveness.” Silence. A long awkward pause. Aziraphale didn't know what to say next, so he waited.

“Well then Angel, go on.” Crowley gestured his glass toward him. “Beg.”

Aziraphale huffed, “If you are going to make a mockery of it, I’ll just as soon leave.”

Crowley looked amused, “Oh come on, you really can't expect that I wouldn't give you a hard time. With you rejecting me and all, it's only fair.”

“I would appreciate you taking this seriously.” Aziraphale’s brow furrowed. If Crowley was going to make his feelings a joke, then he wasn't going to even bother trying to mend this- this…

“Oh I am,” Crowley’s tone shifted, “and you better start talking, Angel.”

“Fine.” Aziraphale straightened, setting his untouched glass on a nearby table. He looked at Crowley, “You were right.” “I want the dance.”

“No.” Bastard.

“Then apology not accepted” Crowley took another swig of his wine. It was almost like he was having fun with this. Looking Aziraphale up and down he remarked flatly, “You’ve lost weight. No crepes in heaven, I suppose.”

Aziraphale felt his frustration growing, “Crowley, will you please focus on what I am trying to say?”

“So far, I haven't really heard you say anything.” Crowley shot back, his eyes were dark and angry.

Aziraphale had enough. He moved toward Crowley’s seat, kneeling in front of him firmly but gently. He locked their eyes together, hoping that Crowley wouldn't see how scared he was and mistake it for something else.

“Then I will say it now.” Aziraphale’s voice wavered but he pushed on, “I have never regretted something more, in six thousand years. For choosing to leave you. The truth is…” He swallowed nervously, “I love you Crowley, no matter what you are. I will always love you the same.” He took a breath, “A-And you owe me nothing in return, except I would prefer for you to still consider me a friend. You don't have to kiss me, if it's not genuine.” If Crowley would agree to still be his friend, that would be enough. He didn't want Crowley to feel forced to love him the way he wanted. That would not do. And he couldn’t bear to hear Crowley speak to him with such disdain and anger any longer, even if some of it was deserved. He had placed his hands on the demon’s knees sometime during this admission, the warmth of Crowley's legs sending a jolt of adrenaline down to his gut. Now, it seems, he was unable to remove them. He was frozen in place, his eyes following Crowley’s expression. The demon said nothing, at first. Aziraphale watched as he slowly set his wine glass down,

“You think it wasn't genuine then.” Not a question.

Aziraphale looked back at him with slight confusion. “You- you surely know how I feel about you, Crowley. Certainly your kiss was a cruel temptation, was it not? A last effort to try to change my mind? I-I forgave you for it but it did hurt, you see, so I was angry and I-...I am..”

“ARGH!” Crowley stood up, pushing past Aziraphale and spinning around to face him. “Did you really not hear a word I said?!”

Aziraphale, startled by the sudden movement and aggression, stood and turned to face Crowley with confusion now etched into his features. “I-I was listening. You didn't want to come with me, you didn't want to be an angel with me, you- you said you didn't need heav- “

“Argh, not that part Aziraphale!” Crowley rarely said his full name anymore. He loved how it sounded rolling off the demon's tongue. Very distracting.

“What part then?” Aziraphale asked quietly. He had clearly been wrong about the kiss, but that meant- he felt his heart beat faster in his chest.

“I refuse to believe you dont know.” Crowley’s expression hardened, but tears welled in his eyes. He didn't have his sunglasses to hide them and Aziraphale could see then that the anger and disdain for him was actually just…heartbreak.

Crowley was heartbroken. Oh. OH.

He had been wrong in Crowley's intentions for the kiss.

Crowley had been trying to tell him his feelings the last time they saw each other. Aziraphale had just not been listening properly, or at least not been really hearing him properly. The kiss was a last ditch attempt, but it was to show Aziraphale how he felt. What they could be if he did stay. We could have been us.

“Oh I…Crowley.” He stepped closer instinctively, reaching his arm out to grasp Crowley's hand. He thought for a moment Crowley would pull away, but he didn’t. “I've been such a complete fool. Please forgive me.” Crowley cursed quietly as a tear slipped down his cheek, looking away. Aziraphale pulled them closer then, his free hand reaching up to turn Crowley’s face back to him and wipe the tear away. His hand remained, gently rubbing his thumb on the demon’s cheekbone. Aziraphale’s heart could not have been beating louder in his ears as Crowley leaned in until their foreheads were resting on each other. A breath of silence and then quietly he heard,

“I’ve missed you, Angel.”

“And I you, my dear. Desperately.” Aziraphale closed his eyes and brushed his nose against Crowley’s, cautiously. Slowly. With his eyes shut, the sensation of the demon’s breath was so close. His warm face was so unbearably close and the Angel pushed in further until his lips were barely caressing the demons, testing his boundaries.

Testing to see if Crowley would push him away.

He didn’t.

Aziraphales heart fluttered as Crowley wrapped his hand around the Angel’s neck, his fingers curling into the nape of the white curls and pushed in to deepen the kiss. It felt like fire. Warm, crackling and intense. Nothing like before, no feeling of humiliation or pain. Aziraphale sunk into it, letting out a small moan as Crowley licked against his lips. Crowley must have taken the moan as an invitation. He began to push off Aziraphale’s jacket and it fell to the floor.

Aziraphale pulled back slightly, “Crowley, I- shouldn't we talk about this?”

“I think we’ve done enough talking, don't you? Always talking, us.”

Crowley moved back in to claim the angel's mouth once more and Aziraphale agreed, they could talk after. After they- oh mother in heaven, has Crowley always smelled this incredible? He breathed in deeply, pushing his tongue in and getting a satisfying groan in return. He wanted all of him then. Wanted to touch every unholy inch of him. He felt Crowley start to push him backward and clung to him as they toppled onto a black velvet couch. He felt the weight of Crowley's hips as he settled onto his lap, one leg resting on either side as he straddled over him and cupped his jaw, kissing him feverishly. Aziraphale used one hand to pull the demon closer to him. The other gripped Crowley's neck, fingers gliding into perfectly soft red hair. He felt Crowley slip off his shoes and he did the same, all while not breaking their joined mouths even for a moment. Crowley chuckled affectionately as he broke their lips apart, “You sure you’re alright with this, Angel?”

“I don't know what you mean,” Aziraphale chided, “I have been around just as long as you. I know perfectly well what this is.”

Crowley wrapped his arms around the angel's neck, “but have you ever...” he waved his hands and the rest trailed off. Implied. “I haven't had the desire until now.”

“Oh is that so?” Crowley teased, “Well well, Supreme Archangel...”

Aziraphale blushed hotly and sputtered “Well I- I wouldn't say I didn't have the desire till now but I just- oh you know what I mean you impertinent demon!” Crowley rolled his hips then, and Aziraphale forgot to keep scolding him.

“S’what I’m good at after all” he whispered, his breath hot in Aziraphale’s ear, “flustering you”.

He then watched the demon's eyes go wide as he grasped Crowley's thighs and flipped them over on the couch. The angel was now resting on top, his legs splitting Crowley's apart. Aziraphale began running his nose along Crowley’s neck, his voice a bit deeper than usual. “You know my dear, I think you underestimate just how adept I am at flustering you as well.” He then pressed a number of light kisses along Crowley’s long neck, and was quite pleased when he heard a low growl. He had never felt quite like this. There was an unleashing of desire at seeing Crowley laid out so desperate for him. He nuzzled lovingly against Crowley's mouth, his eyes half lidded, as he asked “Where is your bed?” Crowley swallowed, noticeably. His voice was rough. “Down the hall to the left.”

“Show me.”

Crowley pushed Aziraphale off of him enough to stand and hastily lead him down the hall, their sock-covered feet sliding smoothly over the hardwood floor. He had reached out and grabbed the Angel's hand without another word. And Aziraphale’s heart was in his throat as they entered the bedroom. Crowley pushed him back to lean against the doorframe and kissed him achingly and intentionally. The angel barely noticed the undoing of his bowtie as it dropped to the floor. They broke apart and Aziraphale sucked in a shuddering breath,

“Crowley…” he exhaled as he lifted the silver tie over the demon’s head. The black leather vest came undone next and he captured the demon's lips in his again as Crowley set to work on his velvet waistcoat. With hungry confidence, Aziraphale pushed against Crowley until he was stepping backward toward the king size bed. The demon was finally sliding off the waistcoat and working his way down the buttons of the undershirt when he muttered with frustration,

“Too many layers....” and proceeded to rip the rest of the shirt off, the buttons clattering against the wood floor. Aziraphale, shockingly, did not object. He pulled the white undershirt off over his head and climbed on top of Crowley as they settled onto the black duvet, soft and inviting against their bodies. He ran a hand down the demon's side and Crowley hissed with pleasure as the angel ducked down and pushed the black t-shirt up to run his mouth along the demon’s stomach. The shirt was pulled off and got lost somewhere on the bed in the process.

“Aziraphale...” Crowley breathed, and a vulnerability slipped out of him. He said the angel's name like it was a prayer. He brought his mouth back up to Crowley’s lips and felt the demon wrap his arms around him. When their lips met again it was a moment of devotion and reverence. He savored Crowley's mouth, trying to give him the worship and love he deserved. Please always say my name that way. Please always want me as you do now. He begged silently and he hoped Crowley could feel how much he adored him. The demon kissed back with as much affection, rolling them so he was now laying on the broad chest of the angel. He sunk his head down and began kissing his neck and down his chest. Aziraphale moaned and grabbed at the red disheveled hair of the demon, bucking his body upwards to bring himself closer to Crowley’s pleasuring mouth as he moved downward.

“So naughty…” Crowley teased and Aziraphale let out a small huff of annoyance. But Crowley kissed his body tenderly, nipping and smoothing over the bites with his tongue. And slowly moved downward. Until Aziraphale sucked in a breath at the sensation of Crowley’s mouth on his cock, only a thin layer of fabric in between. He needed that fabric to be gone. Thankfully, Crowley was one step ahead and pulled the boxer briefs down the Angels thick thighs.

The feeling was overwhelming, incredibly good but almost too much. His vision went blurry and all he could think was how he needed more. Every movement of Crowley's hot, wet mouth pushed the Angel further into utter oblivion. It was no surprise that humans found this so enjoyable, and he couldn’t believe he hadn’t done it until now. He gasped as Crowley's tongue flicked out to pleasure him and lost all sense of anything but the demon's touch on his skin.

If this was sinful, Aziraphale made a mental note to sin often in the future.

It was some time later when they collapsed, the tension in their bodies melting away with the release. Aziraphale laid next to Crowley, his breathing a little ragged as he caught up. He rolled over and smiled into the crook of the demon's neck and Crowley smiled too as they both broke into a shared laughter. There was no denying what was between them. There was no going back now. And somehow, after everything, they found that it was incredibly funny. Crowley sighed pleasantly. He rubbed his hand on his forehead, pushing his sweaty red locks away from his face,

“Well, now that that coming is over with, do you want to tell me more about this Second Coming then?” Aziraphale gaped with dramatic disgust, and nearly shoved Crowley off the bed. Crowley sat up laughing, “I'm going to grab the rest of that wine.”

Aziraphale pulled him back down to sit on the bed, sitting up himself to wrap his arms around him from behind and plant a kiss on his cheek. He savored the feeling of intimacy as his bare chest warmed against the demon's back.

Crowley laughed warmly, “I’ll be right back.”

He got up and pulled on a black silk robe he had hanging on his door, and reached into his closet to toss an oversized Velvet Underground t-shirt to the Angel.

Aziraphale tucked up his nose at the shirt, “Don’t you have anything a little more stylish?” Crowley rolled his eyes, “It's just us, you’ll survive. I’ll go grab you some new clothes tomorrow.”

Azirphale watched him slip the robe on, wanting very much to rip it off later. Partly to wear it instead of the t-shirt, if he was being totally honest. He could miracle something, he supposed, but he’d already risked enough doing the small one earlier. And Crowley wasn't doing miracles either, he noticed. He thought back to the handwritten slip of paper.

But he couldn't deny that he enjoyed the pleasing silk covered view that sauntered down the hallway and out of sight.

–

It turns out he had lost a little weight and the shirt did fit. Albeit a little tighter in the arms and shoulders than it would on Crowley but it would do.

When Crowley returned, Aziraphale was wearing the offending t-shirt with his boxer briefs back on, blonde hair disheveled and flipping through the records Crowley had on a small shelf in the corner of his room. He noticed Crowley staring at him, a look of arousal in his eyes and he suddenly felt very self conscious. He was sure he looked like an absolute mess, but apparently the new look was appealing to the demon.

Aziraphale walked over to meet him and accepted the glass of wine he had neglected to drink earlier gratefully. He felt so content it was almost dizzying and he heard himself say without thinking,

“I hope you know that I am very much in love with you.” And he couldn't very well take it back, and realized he actually didn't even want to. He leaned in for a kiss before sitting on the edge of the bed. He felt the weight of it shift as the demon joined him.

“I caught on, I think,” Crowley teased. “Seeing as you left your very important heavenly post to pop down here and seduce me.” Aziraphale’s blush deepened and he caught Crowley smiling devilishly, clearly enjoying it.

“T-that wasn't the plan! Initially.” Aziraphale fussed absentmindedly with the bottom hem of the shirt, “Oh I don't know, perhaps it was. I just couldn't stand being there anymore. They are all so dreadfully dull and awful. I needed to see you. I couldn't leave it as it was and- oh dear,” Aziraphale remembered, “Do you think they’ve realized I'm gone?”

“Probably.” Crowley shrugged, stilling the angels' fussing hand with his own. Aziraphale was grateful for the secure touch. “But they have no idea where you are.”

“What do you mean?”

“I warded this place after I moved in, against angels and demons. No one enters here without my permission and no one can see it or who’s inside. We can hide here until we sort this out.”

“Impressive,” Aziraphale sipped his wine, “How did you come up with such a thing?” “Muriel has been reading a lot of your books, the ones in the back. Spell books. And, I had my own ideas. I wasn't sure it would work but I tested it on Muriel, they couldn't come in until I let them. I don't know for sure about the second part of it. So we will see what happens, I suppose.”

“Fascinating.” Aziraphale smiled fondly. “You really are such a clever demon. I’ve always thought so.” Crowley blushed, and it did not go unnoticed. Aziraphale let Crowley pull his face in and give him a long, affectionate kiss. His mouth was warm and supple from earlier, a hint of wine on his tongue.

“I'm in love with you too, Angel.” Crowley stated, like it was as obvious as the stars in the sky. “And I thought, maybe, you would come back so I- I, you know, came up with a plan. Just in case.”

Aziraphale beamed at the confession. He wasn’t sure if he ever would say it out loud and honestly didn’t need to hear it. But, actually hearing it was like finally releasing a breath he’d been holding for years. But that initial meeting in the park, if he’d wanted him to come back then why-

“You didn’t seem to want me back at first.” It was more a question, and he looked at Crowley to see how it landed. Crowley was staring straight ahead at nothing. Lost in memory.

“I did,” he said finally. “But missing you and actually seeing you again were very- it was hard to know for sure why you came back.”

“Ah,” Aizraphale felt a small twinge of guilt, “Well, I hope it’s clear now.”

Crowley chuckled, “Just a bit, yeah.” And for the first time, Aziraphale felt truly forgiven.

They talked through the night, among other things that distracted from the conversation. By morning light, they had the beginnings of a plan to save humanity and each other. Again.

_ It had been a few hours after Aziraphale had left the bookshop. Muriel was busy cataloging books when Michael stormed through the doors seething, Uriel following behind. “Where is he?”

Muriel smiled, “Oh hello! Where is who?”

“Aziraphale.” Michael snapped, “who else would I come here asking about?”

Muriel winced, “I don't know actually. He was here for a moment but then he left. He didn't say where he was going.”

Michael let out an aggravated groan. They had been tasked by a very irritated Voice of God to locate the second missing Supreme Archangel and bring him back immediately.

The only problem was, there was no trace of him anywhere. Or the demon Crowley.

Ugh.

Michael was going to get so much shit for this.

Author Notes: Thanks for reading! Let me know if you'd like me to continue this story. :)

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octuscle · 7 months

Note

Hey there! I work as a therapist and a few of us were starting to think of the clinical applications of chronivac. We were wondering if you wanted to work together to develop some presets that our clients could use to de-stress and take a break from their stressful lives. I know we have one stressed out university student who could benefit from something like this.

At Chronivac, we are always interested in collaborating with research institutions. After all, Chronivac is not used just to have fun. It is already being used for the treatment of various physical illnesses and also for resocialization projects. The use in the psychotherapeutic field would be new, but sounds interesting according to the research and development department. If the student they are talking about is available as a guinea pig, perhaps send us a requirements profile for a transformation. And we'll see what we can do….

Research Diary Timothy Walker

Day One: My psychotherapist tells me that my burn-out syndrome has progressed to the point that continuing my business studies is out of the question at this point. In fact, I am having a hard time concentrating. Writing this report is causing me great difficulty; my attention span is only a few minutes. Therefore, an experimental therapy has been decided with the psychology faculty, which is connected with a semester off for me. Under certain circumstances, the semester can be counted as an internship. Everything is fine with me. I am just tired. The work on the research diary was exhausting for me. I need to lie down.

Second day: I slept very well. No wild nightmares as usual. I woke up briefly once or twice at most, but went right back to sleep. Michael, who is in charge of the project as pysiotherapist, thinks that this would be a good starting point to work on my physical fitness. We both went running for an hour. I'm exhausted, I haven't moved that much since I started studying. But I feel good. Made myself a real breakfast for the first time in months according to my new nutrition plan. I'm supposed to spend the rest of the day walking on the beach. Let's see if that clears my head.

Third day: Before Michael came for the training session, I was already in the gym for an hour. I'm really enjoying the physical activity. The beach walk yesterday was great. And Michael was thrilled to see the progress I'm making in terms of fitness. Had the first session with my creativity coach today. Seems a little silly to me. But imagining what I would be doing if I weren't studying business was fun. But I have to admit, my head isn't really getting creative yet. At least writing the diary is already much easier for me.

Day four: I need new challenges. The beach run with Mike is fun, but it's not a sport. That's warming up. We discussed that I would go running alone for an hour tomorrow and that we would meet in the gym of the therapy center. I'm supposed to come without a T-shirt. Mike wants me to learn to love my body. To be honest, I already do. I've already jerked off twice today. And think about sex a lot more than usual. Mike also comes in the process. My creative trainer is also quite cute, but he's too skinny for me. I like men who have a lot of muscle on them.

Fifth day: Fuck, the workout with Mike is awesome! I love the gym from the first minute. Yes, the beach feels my home. But the gym is the place that prepares me for that home. Working out shirtless makes the workout even more intense. i can't get enough of Mike's and my sweat beading on our pecs. But I'm so horny. All the time. During the creative training with Kev it just bubbled out of me today. I would so love to be a lifeguard. Maybe not all the time. But on vacation. And on the weekends. The idea made me even hornier. Poor Kev. He's not my type, but I had to nail him during practice. No idea when I last had sex. but this first time in a long time was incredibly intense. Thank God Kev felt the same way….

Day six: Today is uh free day at da therapy center. Mike n kev are already down at da beach, I wanted to pump up da muscles beforehand. I'm looking forward to da sea n da sand. Both make my head so free. Although I wouldn't feel like my head wuz overly full right now anyway. Pumping, fucking, jogging n swimming. That's really all I'm thinking about right now. Kevin says that I certainly wouldn't have to worry about da practical entrance exams for lifeguards. But I shouldn't underestimate da theory. Shit, studying sucks. But I guess it haz to be.

Day seven: I like it when I have da early shift. Da routine of opening da station is relaxing, da beach is still quiet, da few guests are usually relaxed n in uh gud mood. Wuz one of da best ideas of my life to take uh semester off n work as uh lifeguard. My pal mikey told me to lay off this crappy journal. Somehow I thought it wuz important until now. I can't remember why, either. Anyway. Da main thing is that da surf is gud. Den you can have some fun with da surfers afta work. Hehehehe…

#male tf #muscle tf #chronivac #male transformation #muscle transformation #surfer tf

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amadeusgame · 19 days

Text

Development Sidequest: The Mystery Game Jam

Back in February, I planned out my next several months to help stay on track for Amadeus: A Riddle for Thee ~ Episode 1 ~Waltz to release this Fall. I had a good chunk of work planned for April:

Mechanics - prototype + implement all "Must-Have" new mechanics for the full game

Background Art - finish 1-2 new backgrounds (to avoid screwing up my wrists again drawing all of them at the last minute) (also because I learned that how I draw the backgrounds impacts how I write the scenes)

Sprite Art - finish 1-2 new sprites

Music - fully flesh out a placeholder track for 1-2 BGM pieces

Narrative - write first draft of all scenes through a certain point in the game (naturally these scenes will change when it comes time to implement, that's just how this goes)

Marketing - prepare + announce 100 Wishlists celebration; make + publish press kit

Which is a lot, but doable if I'm working at it consistently. I'm only working part-time, and Amadeus is my "real" job, so to speak. Right?

Wellllllllll...... there's this little thing called the Mystery Game Jam.

Suffice it to say that I did not accomplish all of the above, but I DID write an entire mystery game. More below. Stay updated here: linktr.ee/amadeusgame

I heard about the jam, and thought back to my previous devlog where I discussed at length how doing other random projects when I was "supposed" to be working on Amadeus has been so valuable for me. I also felt that it would be wise to get more mystery writing experience doing something low-stakes and small-scope, to pull away from this single massive project for a bit and just work on the craft of writing. It would help me learn more about my own process. Also, it would be fun!

So I got a group of people together and gave myself the role of writing our game. I've had a ton of help brainstorming, solving plot issues, and generally improving things thanks to my teammates; the whole process has been collaborative (which is what makes game jams fun). However, I've been responsible for actually writing all of it.

As a result Amadeus had to get put on the backburner, because it turns out that brainstorming + outlining + coordinating + finalizing + writing-with-full-implementation-directions, a complete mystery story- that doesn't have a thousand plotholes- in a month, is a ton of work. Fun work! But a lot of it. As a result, what I actually accomplished from my April to-do list for Amadeus is closer to...

Prototyped "save/load" mechanic

Implemented mechanic that can create pauses mid-text-appearance for dramatic effect

Researched and sketched 1 new point-and-click background

Have sketches for 2 BGM pieces (but both need to be more fleshed out to be usable as placeholders)

Outlined draft of narrative for 1 new scene in the intro (but needs a lot more detail/workshopping)

Planned 100 Wishlists celebration (but didn't get everything ready to announce)

Made draft + format of press kit

Which is, honestly, still a decent chunk! I'll have to do some work readjusting next month's to-do list to account for the fact I'm a little behind, but it's reassuring to see that even in a month where most of my energy was dedicated to a side project, I still got a lot done.

This is where the portion of the devlog directly relevant to the game Amadeus: A Riddle for Thee draws to a close. That 100 wishlists celebration announcement will be coming next month, along with a separate announcement. Lots of news coming in May!

As always, all relevant links here: https://linktr.ee/amadeusgame - I will also add our Mystery Jam game here for a bit when it comes out, so you all have something new to play! Check back after May 5, 10PM Pacific!

For the remainder of this log, I want to discuss the process of writing our Mystery Jam game. I have learned so much from it and it's been an incredibly rewarding (if, at times, difficult) process. Collaborations are such a completely different beast from solo projects.

Mystery Game Jam Retrospective

It's a bit strange to write a retrospective when the game jam isn't actually over yet, but my role is mostly finished and I've handed it off to our implementation guy who is hard at work. You're doing great, S1x. Keep it up!

I've done a ton of game jams in the past, but they were always weekend-long jams and I was always just doing audio for them. I've never done a month-long jam before, and I've never taken on a primary role that wasn't as a musician. This was a lot of firsts for me.

I truly believe that game jams don't teach you as much about game development as they teach you about project management. To actually finish a game, so many things have to happen that are all interdependent, and you have to figure out what to do first and who to talk to at what stage so it all somehow comes together on a super-strict deadline. This interdependency is even more apparent for mystery games, where it's fully expected that the player will be paying attention to clues all across text, visuals, and interface. You can't give a completely finalized asset list to artists until you know exactly what every aspect of your mystery will be, otherwise you'll end up forcing your icon artist to re-draw the same asset a bunch of times to match the tweaks you made to the story.

So the biggest obstacle in making this game was that we didn't reach the "details of mystery are completely finalized" stage until over halfway through the month, mostly because I kept putting it off (I'd overwhelmed myself by giving myself all this and also Amadeus homework). We also had to coordinate across time zones and work schedules which introduced additional delays. We got to that point eventually though! Notably, once I had figured out some important things...

This is a collaboration. I was trying to do too much big braining on my own at times when what I really needed to do was schedule a voice call with teammates and bounce ideas. Talking things out with our background artist in particular helped a lot with getting past some hurdles that were really not working.

I am not a writer who can design a mystery puzzle in a vacuum and then add characters as set dressing on top. Once I realized I was stuck, I decided to just start writing out the prologue scene to get a feel for the characters and setting; this forced me to create unique characters who had a reason to be there, and those reasons gave me ideas for the mystery. It turns out that designing a puzzle is a lot like solving a puzzle: if one angle isn't working, take a break and try another angle. You'll learn more about the puzzle, how it works, and eventually all that knowledge will come together and you'll figure it out.

This is a game jam game. This is (probably) not going to be anyone's magnum opus. This is going to be a very fun silly knockoff Ace Attorney game with a robot detective. I'm generally good at keeping a chill attitude for weekend-long game jams, but because we had a month I was taking it way too seriously at first.

Most importantly... it's not reasonable to write an entire new mystery from start to end in a month while also doing a ton of work on Amadeus and working part-time. So I eventually told myself it was OK to ignore everything else except work and the game jam for a while, and focus on this.

(...I also spent about 20 hours obsessively working on my Very Spoilery Ghost Trick ROMhack when I was overwhelmed, as a sort of escape. It was obvious that my brain was refusing to work on the game jam so I just let it do what it wanted for a few days. Sometimes the ADHD wins.)

Reaching that key point-- the point where all of the details were finalized and everyone knew exactly what needed to get done-- was a huge milestone. But even after that, I still had to actually write the words for all of it. Writing in the sense of "mapping out the major plot beats and details of the mystery," and writing in the sense of "actually writing, line-by-line, the text of the game along with implementation instructions" are completely different skillsets. I already knew this from my experience working on Amadeus, but I had to re-learn it here.

Fortunately, by the time I was sitting down writing words, our musician had written some total bangers for the game and I was able to listen to those to really set the tone for what I was writing. If a certain dialogue box cues the "totally-not-objection" theme, then the energy for those next few dialogue entries should be VERY high energy. Listening to that theme while writing made sure it matched! And once our player character artist had designed the MC, I was able to find that character's "voice" much more easily to match the energy of that character. The work of other teammates helped inspire me to do my own work, and have more fun doing it.

I really like doing these collaborations because it's fun to make something completely different than what I would make alone. I also like collaborating because there are certain changes I'm forced to make to my workflow in order to make life easier for my teammates. It forces me to be more organized. I have to do more pre-planning so I'm not forcing artists to revise their work 20 times, and so the implementation engineer only has to implement once with a few exceptions, and can easily swap out placeholder assets when those come in. Thinking ahead like this is a really good habit to get into in general! Even as a solo dev if I learn to make my own life easier in this way I will save myself the headache.

Will I learn that lesson? Most definitely not. But hopefully I'll take something away from this. For example, the awesome beautiful spreadsheet I made to format my scripts for implementation:

(I'm still not the easiest person to work with, though. I'm kind of bossy. While I do try to at least not be every artist's worst nightmare, it's definitely in everyone's best interest that my big major long-term project is a solo work.)

I'm excited to see how it all comes together in the very end. I'm excited to see what people think of it. Where, on the spectrum of "too obvious" to "moon logic," am I landing on average? Just how weird is the pacing of reveals? These are questions that a non-game-jam game would be able to answer in a playtesting/beta phase, but this is a game jam game, so you get what you get. Making it has been really fun. Look forward to it when it comes out! It will be posted by S1xplus, our implementation engineer. It should end up on my itch page as well.

Look out for ROBOT DETECTIVE: THE CASE OF THE AUTOMURDERATED INTERN (working title)!!

#Amadeus: A Riddle for Thee #devlog #indie game dev #mystery game jam #mystery game writing

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blackcherryvelvet0909 · 5 days

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Hello all

First off, I want to apologize for the abrupt hiatus I took. I'll be the first to say I shouldn't have been constantly scheduling stories like that. In a way it was a ploy to try to get me energized and continue writing; as someone who's always planned things out, it seemed like the thing to do. Well, this time it didn't work out and I ended up driving myself into the biggest burnout hole I've ever been in. Combined with that was the stresses of the job I had. The work environment was INSANELY toxic, to the point I had to quit back in March. My boss made me choose between seeing my brother - who is a marine - off the day before he set out to sea or keeping my job. Of course, you can guess which I chose. With the state of the world, my brother could very well die out there; that day could have been the last I'll ever see him, if we're being realistic. That added onto the mistreatment I was facing concerning my disability and I was OUT. I've felt so much better these last couple months. Not everything is peachy keen, but I'm mentally and emotionally better now. My physical well-being has taken its toll due to the work they had me do (which they weren't supposed to, but what's done is done), but I'll cope. All I know is that I really want to get back into writing again. But this time I won't be planning things ahead or setting strict, near impossible deadlines for myself. For once I'm going to be nice and easy on myself and not be a perfectionist, lol. The fact that I've made the decision to pursue my dream career as a librarian (very nervous, haha!) will really force me to be gentle with myself and take my time writing. Again, I'm really sorry for leaving y'all hanging for so long. There will be more stories soon, the top of the agenda being the conclusion to my Beach Episode mini series. It'll have been a year since I started it next month (June), so I hope y'all are ready for more summertime shenanigans! In the meantime, I'll try and post some past pieces I've yet to post here. Given the current events of Chapter 7 in Twst, I hope you'll enjoy them! And one other thing: I'd like to introduce y'all to a certain project that's been in the works for almost two years now. It started off as a silly little presentation, but it slowly grew into one of the most complex set of stories I've ever written. This fandom has consumed me, lol! Fair warning that it will be darker than some of my other content: Chapter 7 levels of dark. Warnings will be posted onto the series' parts accordingly. For those who don't mind spoilers for Chapter 7, who already know the story thus far, and/or those who like a little AU action, I humbly present:

An alternate history AU featuring our beloved General Lilia Vanrouge and my most cultivated Twst OC, Persayis N. Siofra. A good few of you expressed interest in my characters in the past, so for those who don't mind dragging out the box of tissues, I welcome you to this story. It is a slow burn - a sorta one-sided enemies to lovers arc (the enemies part being the one-sided bit). I hope you'll join me for the ride. Who knows, if this becomes popular, I might just create a silly little crossover story featuring this au and the canon; a more light-hearted fan fair for those who will not be joining us. I do understand you all need context on Persayis and her pairing with Lilia before continuing, however. So, over the course of this week, maybe a bit this weekend, I'll be posting installments of her story via that presentation I mentioned earlier. You'll be the first to see it outside of some friends of mine, so I'm a tad nervous, but I hope you'll like it. In and out of Twst, Persayis is one of the best characters I've ever written. She's the favorite child right now, haha! Like the AU, Persy's story is Chapter 7 levels of dark, so be prepared for that if you're going to dive in. For those who love angst, you might want to stick around for this one. That is all I'll say for the time being. As I said, I'll be taking it easy on myself, so no strict deadlines. I'll be posting when I feel like doing so nowadays - the stories come when they come. I thank you all for your patience and understanding, and for sticking with me despite my absence. To think I have nearly 300 followers...I could never have dreamed! I hope I can continue to make y'all proud. Until the next post!

#update #teaser #writing plans

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pb-dot · 8 months

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Spooktober Sunday Special: The Clockwork Monster Part I

Good Spooky Season everybody. This fine October I'm doing a little something for my followers, mutuals, and anyone else who would like to get a load of the spooky proceedings. As you may be aware, I just finished a draft of my novel The Clockwork Boy, and particularly eager readers may also remember that I've toyed with making a horror AU for the story to try out some new ideas. Friends, today the first part of this AU sees the light of day, with the remaining parts being released on Sundays during October.

Some quick notes: I'm experimenting a bit with form here, so I apologize if some of this gets a bit wacky. As one might expect from an AU this isn't canon to The Clockwork Boy, but I may borrow world-building ideas that I come up with for this one later. Probably won't make 13 quite so... like he is in this one, but well, you never know.

Part 1 below the cut:

05.09.552 From the diary of Jake, Clockmaker Apprentice at Barker Automatics. Recovered after the incident.

Another dull gray day filled with moderately gainful employment. Mr Barker showed me how to disassemble a gear walker actuator today, and I got the chance to inspect some gears in the process. Not the most interesting thing, but considering how often the damn things break, at least there’s a living to be made in repair if I can stand the tedium of it.

After his brief bout of pedagogy, Barker set me to oversee the Apprentices. As usual, they’re a rude unruly lot, at least to me. I’m decently sure one or two are gunning for my position as Journeyman, but they’d have to kill me to get me away from this place before I deliver my Masterwork to certification. Some of them are likely to try, but I calm myself with the knowledge that there’d certainly be a fight, and one I'm likely to win at that.

As usual when I’m left herding Novices, it was dark by the time I could close up shop, and I hadn’t even gotten to work on my clockwork limb project. I was disappointed, but not enough to give my wards grief over it. Tomorrow will be a better day I'm sure. On my way home, a strange fright came over me, but I am sure it was merely the stress from dealing with the greenhorns.

06.09.552 From the diary of Jake, Clockmaker Apprentice at Barker Automatics. Recovered after the incident. Try as I might, I can’t shake the feeling that someone is watching me. I have no idea who it’d be. The novices wouldn’t mind catching me slipping up I’m sure, but I find it hard to imagine any of them have enough energy left after a long day of work to stalk me from the shadows. I know I didn’t back in the day.

To back up a step, the strange fright from last night subsided as I came home, yes, but it didn't go away. Instead, I found myself strangely paranoid as I left for work the following morning. In retrospect, I am reasonably certain I didn't stand out from the crowd, and fairly sure I wasn't followed by a tail of whispers and rumors through the crowd of commuting workers, but at the time it sure felt like it.

The feeling didn’t subside as I went to get some lunch from a corner cart, if anything it expanded. I no longer feared the people around me, which was a mercy I suppose, but the fear had, again, not disappeared. Someone out there was watching me, no, that's not quite it. Watching feels too passive, too neutral in tone. If anything, I'm sure I'm being Observed. Usually, there’s nothing that’ll tear my mind away from the taste of fresh-off-the-grill corncakes with spice paste, but the persistent cold weight of ill intent sure did it.

I’m not too proud to say I all but ran back to the workshop as soon as I had finished my meal. My phantom pursuer did not strike, but neither did its presence fade in any way as I hurried my way through the throngs of sweaty workshoppers and harried couriers. This, I surmised, could mean one of two things. Either, my pursuer is a subtle beast, able to keep pace with me through a crowd, or, more worryingly, he is so phantom as to be immaterial.

As much as this pains me, I’m going to have to go to the Enforcers with my concerns. They’ll probably listen to me because Mr. Baker’s boss is in The Spire, but odds are good they’ll just brutalize some street rat over it and call it a day. Still, getting some eyes and some truncheons on the situation must surely discourage my stalker, whoever they may be.

Tomorrow morning I’ll seek out the Enforcer Liaison Office and submit my concern. Mr. Barker won’t be thrilled about me calling in his clout to deal with this, but I figure he owes me for all the overtime I've been doing.

10.09.552? Recovered from Site A after the Incident. I have no idea what date it is. He keeps me somewhere underground. No daylight.

No idea if he'll notice me hiding this document under my blanket, but I have to risk it. I have to believe I’ll make it out of here, but even if I don’t, I have to make sure someone, anyone knows. He’s incredible. Terrible? Yes, but incredible.

My time draws short. He will be here soon. More tomorrow, if the fates will.

Tag List @ettawritesnstudies @mrbexwrites @teacupsandstarlight @anonymousfoz @wrenofthewords @sm-writes-chaos @dyrewrites @owlsandwich @olive-riggzey @athenswrites

If you want to be put on the Tag List for this project, please interact with my Tag List Post

#writing #hearts in clockwork #the clockwork boy #Spooktober Special #Horror AU

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loving-n0t-heyting · 10 months

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Out of curiosity what do you dislike about Ada Palmers books

so tbc i made my way thru vol 1 of terra ignota and the first bit of vol 2 before quitting, so im working with a limited sample. but such is the case with dismissal! so here goes:

the prose is... bad. its very likely i should just develop a higher tolerance on this, ik im effectively gatekeeping myself from some very conceptually solid fiction over a relatively superficial skill detached from the stuff that really deeply matters, but the style on a sentence-to-sentence level is just very underwhelming, which is a particular problem when in universe its supposed to be elevated and uplifting (like the speech at renunciation day). i dont mind purple prose but it like marries imo the worst aspects of purple and bland, its a chore to get thru it

the pacing feels sort of mechanical and arbitrary,. every fifty pages, on the dot, theres another twist pulled from the Twist Bag! im told this im proves but its a) not enough to make up for the other deficits and ii) a common thing said when it takes a certain amount of time for ppl to inure themselves to an in fact persistent defect in a long work

Your Kink Is Not My Kink (But Your Kink Is OK)

i do not care about these characters. its hard for me to go into more detail bc i have little grip on what makes characters "work" for me in general but i just. dont care what happens to any of them (besides best not-girl eureka weeksbooth 🤤)

the worldbuilding. by far the biggest letdown. ppl will tell you—repeatedly, at length—that this is the great strength of the series. do not listen to them! they are misguided. ada palmer is really good—gifted, even—at the first step of worldbuilding, much moreso than most writers! shes top notch at coming up with a broad element of the society that makes you think "whoa, i want to know how that works!" and then... you never do. the depths are never plumbed. the depths are never even adequately hinted at. nor are the depths even conspicuously hidden from view! she just... tells you that there are a bunch of totally complicated details, trust me guys, look here i came up with some technobabble and some percentages like i totally promise theres stuff going on behind here! but there just, so aggravatingly obviously isnt! the technobabble does not even give the illusion of depth, the way (imo) it does in almost nowhere, it gives the appearance of earnestly trying to project such an illusion. tears me out of the immersion every time. its probably worth mentioning that i know from firsthand reports that she is into larp stuff irl, which is notorious for attracting ppl with a high tolerance for would be un-suspensors of disbelief. which, again, may be a virtue on their part! but if so its one i lack, at least here

i was talking to birdblog who suggested much of it might be that the work is very capital-L Liberal, and i am very not. which i think is kind of true, but less in that this is a drawback it possesses and more that its a virtue it lacks. theres lots of fiction i enjoy that is transparently committed to big philosophical/moral/political claims im vehemently opposed to! off the top of my head: any shakespeare that involves kings, any bernard shaw that involves Society, log horizon (at least s01, havent seen past it), nausicaa of the valley of the wind (the manga, the movie is sort of opaque philosophically), a bunch of outright propaganda films from wwii (american, british, russian, japanese), several kipling short stories...

but like, i think that a visceral sympathy for the earnestly felt message of a work of art does help one excuse other flaws, and i suspect a lot of my fundamentally Liberalism-oriented friends are able to enjoy the series bc the author shares that same basic vision. which is certainly like, an interesting one! but on its own its not enough to compel me past the artistic demerits by being either spiritually akin to encourage me or sufficiently weird and novel to fascinate me

anyway, tell me why im wrong, terra ignotans! humani nihil a me alienum puto

#ask #spacific-sunrise #terra ignota

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project-doomsday · 7 months

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Have you concept art for your comic? Btw I like that pic of Z holding that ball of a smeet. How long was the process of this Timelapse?

I do have concept art! I’ll show you! Also thank you so much! I never drew something like that before, it took me 3 hours. Surprisingly, the Timelapse process was very quick. I’ll post a video of it down below!

Anyway, time for concept art!

I began Project Doomsday early last year in August at work. Back then, I had no interest in Invader Zim like I was when I was little. I would cringe at just the thought of it and all the weird things I did involving Zim. But when I was at work, of all things, Zim just popping up in my head! It was like, “HEY! REMEMBER ME?! HEY HEY HEY” It was pretty annoying. So I did what any rational person would do! I began to draw him but with a twist of my own.

This was the first drawing of Z. You can also see an early version of his human design. It was this exact moment where my whole life changed forever. “Goddammit I’m back into this fandom again.” And I haven’t regretted it since.

These are early designs of Dib and Gaz. Jeeesus, they look terrible. Hell, even I thought it was terrible back then. Originally the AU’s artstyle was going to be very different but I went with a more 90s anime look because it’s my favorite.

Now, this drawing is pretty cool. That look of pure hatred. Aghhh, I love it!! It just screams, “When I see you, I’m going to kill you” I also didn’t know his blood was supposed to be pink so I drew it green.

Yet another good sketch! This is Z getting ready to do one of his experiments. I bet you can tell what’s going to happen to that dog over there.

Hey look it’s Gir, the zombie robot dog thing! This was an early sketch of him. Designing him was very hard.

Here’s Z bein’ silly 😛

And this was Z’s “official” design… I hate it. He looks like a stick bug and his head looks like a booger. I mean, I know I purposely designed Z to be super skinny, but you could at least tell he was strong. This… this just looks like a twig. Twig Zim. Invader Twim. New OC anyone?

And finally, Z’s official design. I have to say I am very proud of this one. He looks super deadly and stuff, I love it! 100/10.

Even though I at first regretted being back into this series, I’m happy I did. I felt like I embraced a part of myself and those silly memories. Believe it or not, Invader Zim saved my life back then and I’ll always be grateful. I love you, you green gremlin fucker.

Okay, enough with the mushy stuff, here’s the Timelapse of my newest Doomsday art! I was listening to Resident Evil: Dead Aim - Save Room. Even though the AU is supposed to be horror, I honestly felt like this song matched with the theme, at least with certain parts of the story.

#ask #invader zim #doomsday au #au #concept art #my art #z #iz #timelaspe

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kirathehyrulian · 2 years

Photo

Non-Challenge Art 😈🐍This Blue Hell🐍😈

(Please do not edit/alter. Feel free to reblog, but please do not repost. At the very least please give me credit.)

Mwhahahahah! It is done in time for Halloween!🎃 (click, right click, click open image in new tag to get a closer look on desktop)

For more art from me please check out my “myart” tag here on Tumblr. Or my “AO3“. 👇(Art Notes and Alts below the cut) 👇

Art notes: I’ll probably put more in depth art process notes on the AO3 post when I get around to it. But anyways, I started this sketch, I wanna say, sometime in the late summer of this year, thinking it’d be something cool to do for Halloween because I rarely ever get around to doing anything holiday theme. (Mostly because the holidays are stressful and pre-planning is not my strength) But I was having a hard to completing anything art wise during that time. All I had was a sketch, messy color placement, and some of the face rendered. Then I put it on the back burner for a while.

Then the masquerade happened and I don’t want to jinx it but I think it might have got me out of my art block, I hope? Well it was kind of a double edge sword. Because the Masquerade has a limited time frame I traced the contour lines from J2 photos or Sam and Dean episode refs to save me time. And I didn’t really stop to dwell on that too much because of the deadline until after I unmasked and posted all of my stuff to AO3.

It’s probably because of the posting anxiety I always get when submitting, but for some reason divulging that part of the process made me feel like an imposter artist or like I was taking some of the magic out of what I’ve drawn. It grew to the point where I felt like I was useless.

The rational part of my brain was trying to tell me, tracing the forms from con and episode refs was just a handy tool that I employed to speed things up for the Masquerade. The stigma that some people put on tracing isn’t (word I wish I could remember), especially for hobby art. But, my negative side wasn’t shutting up.

The funny thing is that if this someone else I believe I wouldn’t have cared if they had to trace contour lines to get the art done. I would have told them, “You brought an idea to life using the resources and tools around you. It was transformative enough that it is your own art. And don’t listen to the negative thoughts telling you otherwise. You are an artist and can draw.” But, it was myself at a low period dealing with stupid fears not based on anything happening in the present. And even if someone accused me of not being an artist it would have been the opinions of the few that shouldn’t really matter in my life.

Anyways, after I moped around for a little bit, I decided to pick the boy king!Sam project back up around last Wednesday and started pouring all my time into it. I was going to prove to my negative side that I could draw freehand without tracing.

I pretty much redid the face render I had originally and then worked my way through it all. I did the face, the top part of the snake, the neck, the bottom part of the snake, the horns, the golden stick ring thing (it’s supposed to be representative of the crown of thorns), the fire, the crown, the lighting, the font, and then lastly the dripping blood.

And after completing this project I felt some of my self-esteem build up. I can draw. Maybe not as well as I want to all the time, but I can do it. I might not always complete wip’s, or complete deadlines. I might always make mistakes. But I can draw. So, Hah, negative side of my mind. Fudge you for making me questioning that.

Anyways here’s all the alts (which is just me hiding layers on the main file to showcase certain parts without the distraction of the rest of the piece):

🎶music I listened to while working on this project:

youtube

Anyways, I think that’s it.

Enjoy, if you can!♥♥♥

#sam winchester #boyking!sam #demon!sam #cw: body horror #cw: blood #horned!sam #priest!sam #eldritch moods #happy halloween #myart

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virtual-winter · 7 months

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Even though I’ve been an avid reader/consumer of different Frozen-related Tumblr-blogs since Christmas of 2015 (iirc), I never felt the desire to enter the platform as an active user until early summer this year. Until now, my main fandom platforms have been Reddit and Discord and stepping into any new social app is always a big process for me. I want to send a big thank you to my friend Yumeka who recommended me to make a blog of my own! 🤗

I knew right away that I wanted to use this blog not only to make better connections with other Frozen fans but also to make it a place to showcase some projects, works and edits that I’ve produced during my years in the fandom. I also knew I wanted to use it to share insights and observations about lore, trivia and other things that are presented to us both in the official animated releases but also from sources outside of the movies. Something along the lines of a “quote of the day” or “prompt of the day” type of blog, only perhaps not as frequent 😉

When it comes to making little fandom projects of my own I tend to be, how should I phrase it, not amazingly fast or efficient. Very much like a certain Snow Queen, I just want things to be “perfect”. So when it comes to creating new stuff, I usually take plenty of time. However, thanks to having almost 9 years of fandom “experience”, I feel there are a lot of older goodies made by me and other fans that deserve to be revisited and remembered. So you can expect plenty of reblogs of other awesome works by talented people!

This blog will also be something of a trip down memory-lane for myself as I intend to revisit and share my own Frozen memories and experiences.

So, here is what you can expect to see from me:

I will attempt to keep content somewhat categorised, but the exact definitions may be subject to changes in the future.

Showcasing Frozen fan projects Posts that highlight analyses, compilations, lists etc. Both from Arendelle Archives (see below) and other sources (e.g. other Tumblr-users and Reddit).

Arts and edits Deep-dives into both new and old pieces that have inspired me and plenty of self-made edits and cover art!

Frozen observations Presenting lore and trivia from the extended Frozenverse (i.e. movies, shorts plus all other Frozen-content).

Frozen memories Personal stories from the fandom and moments that helped shape me and my “Frozen experience”.

My Frozen library What’s on my bookshelf? Could also include some collector items and non-Frozen things.

Admin stuff Blog updates (like this one) and other content that isn’t exclusive to Frozen including photos, personal messages, things like that.

In the coming week(s), I will have plenty to do presenting the fan project “Arendelle Archives” which is a reincarnation of a supposed 19th century Arendellian royal institution that recorded and preserved important historical and natural events in the world of Frozen. It was started by my friends Saiten and FrozenHeart with their impressive timeline project “Annals of Frozen” in 2021. More on that later.

That's it for now! I hope I can contribute more to the fandom on this platform. There are plenty of Frozen observations to be made!

See ya

#frozen observations #arendelle archives #frozen #frozen 2 #frozen 3 #disney frozen #frozen memories #frozen analysis #frozen fandom #dangerous secrets #polar nights #all is found #blog update

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promisinininining · 6 months

Text

post project rambling

blood spills over is finished!

The whole thing has been planned from the beginning, but the exact scope of it kept creeping and creeping until it went form something I thought I could finish in around 5k words, to 10k, to 20k, at which point I gave up trying to estimate the length it would end up at. The last part (five of pentacles, reversed) ended up being longer than the previous parts added together, sitting at 26 out of 47k. Oops! That's longer than the previous longest fic I'd written on its own! It was only supposed to be a little thing to tide us over until the final part but ,,. uh, well, I got carried away a little. I had only written parts 1 and 2 before I started posting, and at that point I thought I was mostly done, so I thought it was safe to do so. (As an addendum, I did start posting because of my cute little stalker digging up my old accounts and sending abuse to those inboxes, where I hadn't closed anon off yet, so it was a bit of a spite fuelled adventure at the beginning.) I don't normally like to post things before they're finished because quite frankly I didn't trust myself to actually finish it, but I guess because I had a clear ending in mind, I was able to get there eventually.

I am not used to being in such a big fandom, so the support has been a completely new experience, and it's honestly been a little overwhelming (in the best way possible). I have been on the struggle bus these past few monoths with moving to a new house and a ton of unexpected bills on top of it, and I don't think I would have been able to get to this point without my friends and reviewers. I've met so many wonderful people, and it's been fun being in a fandom that isn't just me and my best buds.

About the story itself, there were a few deleted scenes that I wished I could put in, but ultimately decided against. Goro was initially going to physically meet Rumi, for one, but it didn't quite fit, and it felt like it was distracting from the main story too much, which was ultimately Goro finding something to live for. There was definitely not enough time for him to learn to love himself in just the short space of time where the third semester took place, but he has the rest of his life to learn how to, surrounded by people who are willing to show him by loving him back.

Sumire's relationship with Goro is also one that I really wanted to play with, especially as two extremely cynical people who don't really interact in canon. I feel like it's easy to just see Sumi as someone who's peppy and a little airheaded, but she's also extremely depressed, and put her entire existence on fulfilling her sister's wish, much like Goro's existence is based on killing Shido. I think they would understand each other intrinsically on a level that is very fun to explore, beyond "well we both love pego". Also, Atlus what the heck did you do with her. Give her to me. Let me sort it. I didn't think it helped her character any by being kidnapped for a week then beaten up and suddenly being like "wow you're right I can live as myself now". She needed to find that inner strength herself, with a little nudge from Goro who recognises the same pain. Of course, Goro's solution was "kill the person responsible" and Sumire can't reaaally do that with a hit and run, but she has a better support system than Goro and can learn to channel that more productively. If it's gymnastics, or something else entirely, I don't know.

I don't want to go too deep into the details with futaba and haru because this is already getting QUITE LONG, and I'm certain that there are only going to be a few people who have read this far, and those people already know how I feel about their relationship. I mean I was pretty clear in the fic itself, it's one of the less subtle things, I think; Futaba is the youngest, and she's extremely traumatised, and people have been enabling her bad behaviour by indulging it. It's 'helpful' rather than invasive, and okay, it saved Akira's life... but I do think there was definitely a better way to do it than bugging his phone. (Actually, another thing I didn't get to touch on is how the Thieves blatantly used Goro for their own plan regarding the interrogation room rather than attempting to understand him or his motives, perfectly fine with manipulating him back to thinking he's manipulating them, and how much that would fuck up someone who already has a complex about being used... but that's for another day and another fic, I think).

Finally, Maruki: this man is fucked up. I know it's easy to see him as sympathetic when he has the best intentions, and wants to 'help' people, but intentions don't matter when it comes to hurt and abuse. You can intend to be a perfectly kind person and still abuse your power over them. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, he's such a fucked up little skrungley boy, but he's definitely not the wet cat that he looks like at first glance. He's a researcher, forward in his field of cognitive pscience to the point where he awakened his own powers by himself, and has been shamelessly abusing his position as a therapist to get more information for his own gain (which, I emphasise, is to control the lives of everyone ever so that nobody suffers again) from the main cast.

Anyway, before I sign off, I will put out there that I have been thinking about Strikers, But With Baby Rei On Board. It's been spinning in my head since I finished. it's not going to happen (I refuse to do an entire game rewrite--just the third semester was an entire Thing, and I hate rehashing canon scenes), but hopefully you can glean some fun and entertaining thoughts about it. If you do, let me know! or don't.

A'ight, that's it from me. Thank you for reading. It's been... well, not long, but I feel like my writing is a little dense and requires some re-reads to fully experience it, so it FEELS longer than it is. Either way, I am kissing gently every single one of you who have made it this far down my massive ramble. Thank you, truly.

MIS

#the content creator is gurgling again #mis-types #comments welcome

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