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chickinscratch · 2 years

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The second hermit affected was, shockingly, not Jevin.

The small group arrived below the large slimy pig, at the home of the not-as-large slimy slime, and cautiously knocked. Within a few moments, Jevin arrived at the door, eyeing the four that stood before him.

“Hey guys,” he greeted. “What’s up?”

“Oh good, you’re not more of a pile of goo than usual.” Cleo noted.

“...Was that a concern that we were having?”

“Surprisingly, yes.”

Zedaph recounted the situation thus-far, pausing for Jevin to react appropriately with a variety of “hmms,” “mhms,” and “That explains the death messages”s. “-So that leaves the question, why aren’t you more, erm, slimy than usual?”

Jevin shrugged. “Mimicking other mobs is pretty standard slime behavior. I guess if I am affected by whatever this is, I already act enough like any other slime that it doesn’t matter? Though if any of you get too close I will probably absorb you for nutrients, and that won’t be too pleasant.”

“Noted. Keep us posted if you notice yourself becoming concerningly more viscous or anything of the like. We should probably go check on some more of the others to make sure no one else is exploding or absorbing other Hermits for nutrients.”

“Good luck with that - who were you going to check on next?”

“We were thinking Grian,” Cleo produced the list they had compiled from her inventory. “Then probably Gem, since we already have Doc and Zed accounted for. Have you seen either of them?”

Jevin tapped his chin thoughtfully, which was only moderately successful given his consistency. “I haven’t seen Gem - She’d probably be working on her megabase with Impulse and Pearl. I did see Grian flying around here earlier - I think he was pecking at Scar and pushed him into a hole? But that’s pretty average for them so I dunno if it was related to whatever’s going on. Pretty sure he flew off back towards his rift thing though.”

“We should definitely check there first, then, I think.” Cleo returned the list to their inventory. “In the nicest way possible, I don’t trust Grian messing with weird eldritch whatever on a good day, let alone potentially in some kind of full bird-brain mode.”

“I do believe eldritch interference under the influence of avian is illegal in several states.” Joe added.

“Then you should probably all get to dealing with that.” Jevin waved. “Good luck!”

The band of Hermits arrived at the tor that Grian had claimed for his megabase, scouting for any signs of him. Instead, they found Mumbo. “Hello,” Mumbo greeted as the group landed atop one of the giant rocks that formed the landscape.

“Mumbo,” Cleo greeted in return. “Why are you laying on top of a boulder?”

“Grian has decided I’m actually a stick, and also part of his nest.”

“What?”

“I guess I look kind of twiggish?” Mumbo sighed, awkwardly shuffling from the large pile of miscellaneous sticks and branches he was stuck within. “I knew I was spindly and all, but I didn’t think Grian would literally use me as a stick. He was very insistent on it, too.”

“Why is Grian building a nest?” Zedaph eyed the construction eagerly.

“I think he’s trying to hatch his base.”

“What?!” Cleo repeated.

“And also those easter egg things.” Mumbo added. “Those are definitely in this pile somewhere.”

“Why is he trying to hatch his base?” Cleo’s voice pitched. “Isn’t he messing with interdimensional junk this season? Should we be concerned?”

“I think he just thinks the boulder is an egg, honestly.” Mumbo shrugged, which was quite awkward to accomplish from his position betwixt the twigs. “It is kind of egg-shaped. Also he keeps giving boulders heartbeats, which probably doesn’t help. Not that I’m opposed to bases with heartbeats; I’m quite familiar with those.”

“Y’know,” Zedaph mused, “That does explain how he talked about The Entity like it was alive. Maybe he thought that was an egg too.” “It is another decently egg-shaped boulder.” Mumbo agreed.

Joe peered at the pile of sticks composing Grian’s ‘nest’. As Mumbo had described, the easter eggs were indeed nestled inside the Grian-sized entrance. “I would have expected Grian to nest in a tree, given parrots are arboreal. In fact, especially because they usually nest in pre-existing spaces. I wonder why he didn’t just move into Scar’s base or something?”

“I guess he just decided it was easier to build a nest here rather than try to move a boulder.” Mumbo craned his neck to face Joe with limited success.

“That is perfectly logical.”

“So we can safely say Grian also caught whatever bug Doc has, right?” Cleo said.

Ren shrugged. “Honestly, I could see Grian doing this normally.”

“There’s a bug going around?” Mumbo strained to look above shoe-level.

“Cleo, snakes eat eggs, right?” Joe asked.

“There are very much no eggs here, but yes.” Cleo huffed.

“Are you noticing any of those instinct things Zedaph had mentioned?”

“Again, there are no eggs, so no, I am not. In fact, I’m pretty sure those easter eggs are just more rocks painted to look like Grian. I like to consider myself a pretty reliable expert on rocks.”

“Can your expertise determine how egg-like a rock is?” Mumbo asked from the ground.

A few of Cleo’s hair-snakes hissed exasperatedly. “Shape-wise, that’s more of an opinion, though yes, these rocks are approximately egg-shaped. Physically, the most egg-like rock would probably be limestone or something, since it’s calcium carbonate.”

“Is this limestone?”

“No, it’s not.”

“Not a very eggy egg-shaped boulder then.” Mumbo huffed.

“Has Grian been here recently?” Zedaph interjected again.

“He comes and goes from here every few minutes. He’s mostly just been collecting sticks.”

“Out of curiosity, would you say he’s been acting at all any more, perhaps, parrotish?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he’s built me into a nest.”

“Honestly, that could also just as easily be perfectly normal Grian behavior.” Joe noted.

“I am actively being used as building material!”

“Again, not necessarily out of the ordinary. Maybe he mistook you for a redstone block or torch, given how much redstone you usually consume?”

“Honestly, fair enough. I wouldn’t be surprised if I actually emitted a signal at this point-”

Zedaphs ears perked up. “Can we test that?”

“-But I think there are bigger concerns to focus on right now.”

A shrill squawk interrupted their slightly derailed conversation as a very puffed-up Grian landed on top of his nest. And by extension, Mumbo. “Ow.” Mumbo mumbled. Grian ignored him, flaring his wings and tail feathers at the collected group and hissing. Cleo’s snakes helpfully hissed back.

“Huh, I forgot that parrots hiss.” Zedaph said.

“Leave.”

“Oh, fantastic! You’re still verbal. We were having issues communicating with Doc-”

“LEAVE.” Grian fluttered to atop Mumbo’s head, which prompted a new bout of complaints from the designated-stick-and-now-perch. Grian pecked at him a few times until he quieted.

“Mumbo,” Joe sidestepped to stand between the nest and other Hermits. “Since Grian has apparently accepted you as part of his nest, perhaps you could help explain the situation to him?”

“I can try my best,” Mumbo grumbled, Grian’s talons tapping at his head each time he made a noise. “But I make no promises.”

“We appreciate any effort you can provide.”

“Grian-” Mumbo winced at another round of pecks. “Grian. Hey, buddy-” he whistled, which Grian rightened and quirked his head at, giving some reprieve to the pecking. “It’s okay. They’re not here to mess with your definitely, totally real eggs that are not rocks. They’re just here to talk to you.”

Grian squinted suspiciously at the collected group, but seemed to at least calm down enough to listen. He ducked inside the nest, settling delicately atop the easter eggs of himself as if it were a throne, and glared out at the group. “Fine. Continue.”

“They mentioned some kind of bug, or something…? What was the bug thing?”

“Ah, yes,” Zedaph clapped. “You see, earlier Ren found Doc behaving strangely, which resulted in both of them exploding a few times. I had also been feeling a bit strangely this morning, and Jevin and Cleo mentioned potential behavioral changes as well, so I propose a theory that whatever cause Doc’s current condition may be impacting some of the other less humanoid members of the server.”

“Well I feel perfectly fine.”

Cleo’s hair-snakes bristled. “Grian. You are using Mumbo as a stick.”

“He is a stick.”

“You’re nesting on top of painted rocks.”

“Eggs.”

“Those are very much rocks.”

“Your snake tricks won’t work on me. I won’t let you eat them.”

“I am literally a geologist, Grian.”

“And these are eggs.”

“Can we go back to Doc?” Cleo sighed. “He was much easier to reason with.”

“I kind of prefer not blowing up. Again.” Ren added.

“I can still blow you up if you want.” Grian offered.

“No thank you.”

“Probably for the best.” Grian preened at his feathers. “Wouldn’t want the nest to get damaged.”

“As the nest, I appreciate that.” Mumbo said.

“Quiet, stick.”

“Grian,” Cleo took a deep breath, “Maybe you could let Mumbo stop being a stick for a little bit?”

Grian gasped. “Mumbo is an integral stick to the nest! The entire thing would be destroyed if he left! I smell your snakey tricks! You can’t fool me!”

“I am not trying to eat your dumb- rrrgh!”

“This is rather uncomfortable, Grian.” Mumbo whined. “I have splinters.”

“Well of course you do. That’s how sticks work.”

“Griaaan-”

“Don’t tell me you’ve sided with them!”

“Listen, Grian, I will accept being classified as a redstone component, but I think I’ve decided being a stick is a bit much for me! It’s a lot of commitment!”

“Well you’ve got to at least wait until they’ve hatched.”

Cleo made a strangled noise. “They’re ROCKS-!”

“Hey!” Grian squawked. “I’m the egg expert here.”

“SNAKES LAY EGGS TOO!”

“Yeah, but snake eggs are all squishy and gross. My eggs are strong and beautiful. It’s no wonder you think they’re stone. I forgive you for your confusion; it’s a very easy mistake to make.”

Cleo shouted indistinctly, though not indecipherably. Joe found it very decipherable. After all, he was very familiar with Cleo’s miscellaneous grumbles of exasperation and frustration. Many of them were often directed towards him. “What if we came to a compromise?’ Joe offered. “I notice the top of this here boulder-”

“Egg.”

“-Egg, yes, is quite barren and cold.”

Grian nodded. “That’s why Mumbo is such an important stick. He helps keep the nest warm.”

“I’m cold.” Mumbo grumbled.

“What if we helped you relocate your eggs somewhere nice and warm, and perhaps more enclosed? They’d be much safer than up here, and Mumbo could take a break for a little bit.”

Grian shuffled thoughtfully. “...And Cleo wouldn’t eat them?”

“I know just the place where Cleo will absolutely never go.”

"I’m gonna need more convincing.”

“Joe, Mumbo, and I can help carry your eggs, so you don’t have to worry about Cleo or Ren eating them.” Zedaph added. “And I’ll even throw in some of my wool.”

“What about the big egg? I can’t move that one.”

“We could shrink it.”

“You can shrink it?” Grian tilted his head curiously.

“You can shrink it?” Cleo repeated.

“I am a scientist and procurer of extravagant devices; Of course I can shrink it- though we will need to remove your nest and the other eggs from it first.”

“Deal. But if you’re tricking me I’ll kill you.”

“No tricks, my feathered friend.” Zedaph placed a solemn hoof-hand to his heart. “I am entirely invested in the safety of your eggs. Now, you, Mumbo, and Joe take your eggs to ground-level while I prepare for The Shrinkening.”

“And Ren and I will just… stand a reasonable distance away, I suppose.” Cleo muttered, already launching off. Ren and Zedaph took off following her, leaving Joe to help untangle Mumbo from his stick prison.

Grian watched the process like a hawk (or, like a parrot?), cradling his eggs and intensely micromanaging the careful dissection of his nest around Mumbo as to preserve as much as possible (rather than allow Mumbo to simply sit upright). Once Mumbo was free, Grian gingerly distributed the “eggs” as though they were the most precious cargo in the world. Upon close inspection, Joe could confirm they were in fact just some painted rocks Jevin had used in the egg hunt. One at least seemed to be potentially made of limestone, so it probably scored closer to being a real egg than any of the rest.

The trio landed in the forest a little ways from the foot of the main tor. Mumbo stretched liberally, making an assortment of cracking noises that made Joe consider some truth to Grian’s observations of Mumbo being a stick. “I was laying there for hours.” Mumbo sighed. “This is so much better.”

“How would you rate your experience on a scale of ‘minorly’ to ‘quite pants?’” Joe asked.

“I can kill this season, you know.”

“Okay, but how would you rate it?” Ren asked, trotting up to join them. Cleo followed closely behind.

“... It was at least decently pants.”

“Hah, you said the thing.” Cleo smirked.

“This is just not my day, is it?”

Zedaph emerged from the trees, hurrying to join the gaggle of Hermits. “Alright, everyone! Who’s ready for The Shrinkening?”

“You’re certain this is entirely safe, right?” Grian drew his eggs closer to his chest.

“Of course. I would never put your absolutely gargantuan egg in any danger. Now, the process will be a bit strange, but you must trust me, alright?”

“Alright…” Grian cradled his eggs with blatant uncertainty.

“Now, you’ll all have to face away, because witnessing The Shrinkening would be very bad for your retinas, but when I count to three the egg will be shrunk! And also, conveniently replaced with an identical boulder of equivalent size and mass, so as to not disrupt the environment.” Cleo stifled a snicker.

“...This sounds like a trick.” Grian squinted at Zedaph.

“No, no, no! You must trust The Shrinkening. Now, everybody turn around.” The collected Hermits obliged.

“One,” Zedaph counted. “Two… THREE!”

They collectively turned back, Grian practically whipping around to face whatever Zedaph had done. Nothing looked different, save for Zedaph holding aloft… a small, ovoid rock, the same colors as the boulder behind him. Cleo doubled over, wheezing quietly in an effort not to cackle aloud. Grian simply inched cautiously towards Zed, reaching out for the “egg.” Zedaph ceremoniously placed it into his awaiting palm. “One shrunken egg, perfectly transportable and safe.”

Grian stared at the “egg.” Joe could practically see avian and player halves of his brain at war, trying to decide if they had been fooled or not. Finally, Grian gave the rock a gentle kiss and nestled it with the rest of the clutch. Cleo wheezed loudly off to the side.

“Alright,” Grian huffed, turning to Joe. “You promised me a better nest spot. Where is it.”

“Of course, right this way.”

#hermitcraft #grian #mumbo jumbo #mumbojumbo #zombiecleo #zedaph #hermitcraft ensemble #would tag Joe since he's the POV but he doesnt talk much in this one #i didnt expect to default to Joe POV so often but here i am i guess #fanfic #chicken scratch #long post //#Mob Mentality #THE SERIES HAS A NAME NOW YAY #VERY dialogue-heavy this one. i tend to do that a lot.#this is already a very self-indulgent fic cause i like worldbuilding exploration #particularly with player-mob/hybrid behaviors cause like. if theyre gonna be hybrids why *not*#but this chapter in particular is probably my favorite so far just out of Excuse To Write Silly Bird People. aka my favorite.#also this group's dialogue habits are very fun for me to write

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