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adowbaldwin · 1 year

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The one where Jock Lewes didn't actually die (PS. why does Alfie die in everything?)

It was definitely shit, or at least it fucking tasted like it. Yeah it was shit, a fucking massive dollop of crap in the fucking desert

In my fucking mouth

Infront of my salad

Jock lews was having a tremendously bad day and was that a fucking weight on his leg

He groaned and looked back at the decrepit mess that was his manky leg and sighed, coughed up the shit dirt gravel in his mouth and screamed.

The desert said nothing in return, so at least it meant the fucking cunting aircrafts had buggered off

Honestly he thought to himself what a bunch of pussies

Fortunately for Jock his belly crawl was unparalleled. Unfortunately for the entire time he scraped his pathetic lifeless body across the dry dandruff of the desert a poxy vulture was flying above his head.

Nothing lived in the fucking desert either that cunt had flown in specially for him, a taunting scrawny fucking vulture.

If he had a gun he’d shoot its left wing off

Or if it was a female bird he’d aim it for her little cunt

Shitty thing squawking above his head.

Come on you can do this, just a bit further he kept saying to himself. The days kept falling into nights, his water cannister nearly empty and his bowel movements trickled down his trouser leg you’ve come this fucking far Lewes. You cant let Stirling or Paddy win the competition war

He laid at night peering up at the stars, shivering like a twat, wondering if it were worth it. It he’d of died it would be honourable. His comrades left him for that reason thinking he was dead. They’d never know. If he returned to camp he’d hear no end of the piss and shit on his uniform.

He hobbled onto his feet for the last few yards, he couldn’t crawl into camp fuck no that would be a travesty.

With the stick ripped out of his arse (or from a tree depending on who tells the story) (Stirling told the latter, Mayne the first) he used it as a crutch to move himself toward the camp.

He could see two bumbling idiots trying to put up a flag and failing. He had taught them better fucking useless cunts.

Watching them then he remembered why he couldn’t possibly die fucking be lost without him, wouldn’t they?

He kept shouting for them but that lump of shit was lodged in there, mixed with some sand and lord knows what else he tried to scoff down. He was all of about 10 cms away and still nothing.

“the mourning period is over” he heard

What a bunch of disloyal cunts he thought, and then he coughed, blood and finally that lump of shit came out –

Was that a tooth?

All he knew is that he collapsed in the concave doorway, his leg giving out, he blacked out to the sound of the vexing, bothersome loathsome tone of that Irish twit “He’s only gone and shit himself” and a chorus of laughter that most definitely did not fill him with joy.

He regretted his decision to live.

He wasn’t sure when he would wake but Jock made sure when he did Paddy would have an explosive up his arse. See how he feels half dead with shit trickling out of him.

D.I.Y Chloric irrigation anyone?

#sas rogue heroes #S.A.S #jock lewes #paddy mayne #david stirling #fic #shit fic #REALLY SHIT #no smut sorry

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emperorsfoot · 1 year

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Felt like writing something. Didn't know what to write, so here's what might be the first part of a "meet the parents" fic of Trap Jaw II introducing his boyfriend to his parents. Spoiler: the boyfriend is Prince Dare (He-Ro, son of He-Man).

Tri-Klops and Trap Jaw are so excited, their eldest child, Trap Jaw II, is bringing his boyfriend over for dinner and to meet the family! TJ2's had a handful of boyfriends over the years, but none that he's brought home and introduced to his parents! This one must be serious. This one might be the one!

Trap Jaw spends all day cooking. Both traditional Gar dishes as well as a few easy dishes from the Plains. Everything smells and looks so good! They're lucky their second child, Missile Toe, is a robot otherwise Trap Jaw would have been fighting to keep him out of the kitchen.

Tri-Klops sets his Doomseekers on the biggest cleaning project Science Tower has ever underwent since the Preternia Era. They sweep, and mop, and wax every floor -even the ones that nobody will probably be walking in. They polish every surface. Sanitize every keypad and handle. And when they're done, they plug in scent diffusers in the outlets so that every room smells of lavender.

Everything is read for when TJ2 brings his boyfriend over.

Everything is perfect!

And then-

-they arrive!

Trap Jaw and Tri-Klops stand motionless in the doorway. They are shocked. They are scandalized. They are betrayed!

Standing just outside their tower, holding hands with their son, is Prince Dare, son of He-Man. Their enemy.

"The- the fuck!?" Is all Trap Jaw manages to get out.

"I don't- I don't understand." Tri-Klops confessed. "Is this part of an Evil Plan? Are you working a con?"

"No. Dare is my boyfriend. I really really like him." TJ2 insists. He coils one arm around Dare's waist and pulls the son of their enemy flush against his side.

Inside the entryway, behind their parents, Missile Toe peers between them so his optics can zoom in on his brother cuddling up to He-Ro, their enemy. He switches to recording mode.

--

That's it. That's all I got.

#motu #masters of the universe #trap jaw ii #prince dare #he-ro #tri-klops #trap jaw #trap jaw/tri klops #next gen characters #shit fic #fan fic #renkonnairu

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majoringinsarcasm · 4 months

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DONT BE AFRAID TO COMMENT ON OLD FICS DONT BE AFRAID TO COMMENT ON FICS IN A FANDOM THE AUTHOR MAY NO LONGER BE ACTIVE IN. IF THE STORY IS STILL UP LET THEM KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS IT MIGHT JUST BE THE REMINDER THAT MAKES THEIR DAY.

SINCERELY SOMEONE WHO JUST GOT A REPLY THAT MADE ME WANNA MAKE THIS POST

#reject modern fast fashion fandom culture #comment on shit from 2012 to scare and or delight the author #anytime I see ppl reading my haikyuu fics I wanna cry with happiness #being reminded of fics and then looking and realizing I still love them is a true gift #COMMUNITY BITCHES THIS IS WHAT THAT IS

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formlessvoidbeast · 23 days

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newbie fic authors, shooting themselves in the foot: This fic is bad haha I suck at writing lol I am being mean to myself in the hopes that you will be nice to me but actually am dissuading anyone from even clicking on my fic because all I have done to advertise it is tell you why you shouldn't read it

me: I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain and I have arrived in your fandom with the Express Intention of writing my Very Favorite Fics, which I will generously allow you to read. You're welcome.

#life of ts #writing #fanfic #seriously newbies don't do this #if the fic is really that bad get a beta reader to help you make it unbad #and if it isn't then fake it till you make it and stop shitting on it

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ghouljams · 3 months

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The Ghost distribution system... He really is like a stray cat, or a bear that learns minivans have food in them, he just keeps coming back no matter how many times you try to send him on his way. It doesn't matter how it happens but any scrap of kindness and he just determines he's going to attach himself to you.

Maybe he offers you a hand moving your couch when he passes your place and hears you swearing. You offer him dinner and Ghost has never been the sort to turn down a free meal, so he sticks around. It's weird that he doesn't even pretend to refuse, just takes you up on it immediately and even offers to help cook. You send him home and he's... there again the next day, waiting on your doorstep with a box of pasta asking if you could do anything with it. He's going to come back, he's going to keep coming back.

Maybe it's from meeting you at a bar. He's the biggest guy you can grab when your ex walks in, and somehow he seems approachable despite... well, everything about him. Fake boyfriend for a few hours at the bar is one thing, having him show up the next day to fix your sink because you mentioned offhandedly that it was leaking the night before is another. Having him sit in your kitchen and peal an orange for you because you said you were hungry is really driving home that this guy isn't leaving.

Hell maybe it's just a one night stand that never seems to end. You wake up and Ghost has already made breakfast. The two of you sit at your little table and eat quietly, Ghost scrolling his phone while you eye him warily, trying to figure out his game. He asks what you want to do today and somehow you can't find the right way to ask when he's planning on going home. He just sort of moves in, you realize he's printed a key for himself while you're grabbing groceries. It's nice he offers to pay, but you don't know when having him around became your normal.

Ghost sees you, he wants you, you're his. He's not leaving, he'll come back. He knows that this house has food and warmth, he knows that families forget to tie their trash up off the ground. He's a man of instinct, and you are going to be his perfect match.

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littlelightfish · 25 days

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This... this is a whole different kind of psychic damage here. When nightmares got Marcille, we get to knew that her's biggest fear is outliving her friends. This isn't even canon probably, but look at this. This isn't a "I don't want my friends to die" kind of dream. This is a "I'm terrified of loosing my daughters, of something killing them, and being incapable of stopping it" kind of dream. It's so simple yet it explains perfectly the whole of chilchucks character. He loves, he cares, deeply. But he, or doesn't acknowledges, or doesn't know what to do with that knowledge.

Besides that. Someone had to wake him up after this. Imagine the devastation in this man after he wakes up. He just saw his three little babys murdered corpses (or maybe he saw them die, wich isn't better). He would possibly not talk about it, and that would worry the hell out of the party, because we'll, they see him all down and only one of them knows what he saw. Imagine being the one to pull him from that nightmare. Seeing this man, usually so composed, fuking staring with tears and terror in his eyes to the composes of what you can only assume are his daughters. It would be heartwrenching.

Idk, I love this man so much...

#dungeon meshi #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #if someone wants to write a fic on this #@ me #PLEASE I WANT TO SEEEE #or dm me so i actually see it #please #if someone makes something of this post...#swnd me an ask with a link #this post exploded i cant with all the notifs #i wouldnt know if someone @'d me #i did a tags recap down on the notes and wrote a bit of #chilchuck angst #for the simps out there #my shit

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ash-and-starlight · 10 months

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The world needs more Yue and Zuko friendship, I squeal just thinking abt the parallels. They deserve a life changing field trip together and if u have abt ideas I’m all ears 👀

Hiii anon this ask fermented in my inbox and in my brain for so long,, so take this??? Post canon yue lives/no war au arts?? Anyway aside from the Parallels and their political position & their duty before hoes grindset I think they could learn a lot from each other. With zuko learning the gift of patience & diplomacy from yue & Yue learning that allowing yourself to feel anger and speaking up can actually be Good.

anyway hypothetical life changing trip outcome: zuko takes an intro gender studies class and yue says fuck

(oh and also must not forget the crush on sokka)

#id in alt text #‘toph should say fuck’ ‘let sokka say fuck’ if there’s one person who deserves to say fuck here it’s YUE #i rest my case #also yea i think comparing his life to yue’s would open zuko’s eyes towards Gender Inequality ksbfhd #he’s like you’re mai but prep what do u mean you can’t throw knives 😤#i can accept sexism but i draw the line at banned military indoctrination 😤😤#i like to think that at one point yue shows zuko how to prepare & butcher small game and he does an absolute shit job at it #+ feels queasy for 3 days #zuko #yue #my art #ash replies #ALSO I MUST SAY!!! DRAWING THIS WHILE READING LIKE THE SUN CH4??? NOT FEELING WELL BESTIES #oh also since we’re talking fics…. js if u see this…… dywtjtb will always be famous

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venator-signum · 6 months

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kamala khan would have the most horrendous ao3 author's notes known to man

"hey guys sorry the update is late i switched places with an avenger (ajdgrhsh literally crying) and a really cool space scientist lady and then got into a fight and some alien dudes wrecked my house and then I met Nick fury and I was literal space it was crazy and I had to help save the universe and saw said scientist lady give up her life to save all of us... anyways hope you like the new fic, branching out with an arranged marriage au for this one!!!"

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podcast-hemocytoblast · 5 months

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What if when Michael got Distortioned he/they/it/(?) had just kept showing up to work? Imagine Gertrude comes into the archives and finds a bunch of paperwork filled out in yellow highlighter and folded into impossible shapes, and then Michael-Distortion just walks into the room door-style and sits down at his work computer so it can email Gertrude a phishing scam.

#the magnus archives #tma #michael distortion #the distortion #i think this would make everyone’s lives worse #the eye 🤝(<-phishing) the spiral #tricking someone into thinking you’re someone they can trust so that theyll give you info they can use against you?#that shits both eye and spiral coded af tbh #edit: for those who have said that they want a fic of this i would like to clarify that other people can do what they want with this idea #but i personally cannot write for shit #so i cannot provide a fic. unless you want it bland as hell and written in ieee format #sorry y’all. my skillsets are infodumping about spiders unprompted and eating chicken nugget

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adowbaldwin · 2 years

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I was bullied into this by @butternuggets-blog send help

"Yee-haw?"

It was a silent evening, the foxes had stopped scream-humping, crickets were asleep and the lamps had turned off in the streets of London.

The newly reacquainted husbands had returned from their honeymoon, returning to civilisation. After a year of being away their responsibilities had hit them hard.

"Remind me again why we came back?" Baldwin slumped onto the sofa, pulling a pillow under his head "why oh why did we abandon the sun, sand and sex for charity balls and family drama?"

"Oh no, no no YOUR charity balls and family drama" Domenico poured them some wine and settled next to him "we could butcher your whole family"

"Mm no not until Rebecca is old enough to live without her parents. And not Phoebe either" he closed his eyes and thought of a day where his family didn't stress him out "I do suppose Diana is okay too"

"Oh brotherly love, how nice" Domenico mockingly cooed "now onto the next part of the evening that will surely brighten you up" he leant over his body, kissing the side of his cheek "you owe me. You lost the bet"

Baldwin groaned, regretting his younger, immature self. He and Domenico had bet, or rather Domenico challenged Baldwin and he couldn't bare to be wrong, that he wouldn't last a month without punching a family member. Low and behold the night of Phoebes charity ball and Matthew and Baldwin ended up in fisty cuffs.

Baldwin lasted one whole week.

He sloped off the sofa, dragged his feet to the dressing room and almost cried. Oh how hard the mighty hath fallen. He picked the offending object up after removing all of his clothes and changed into his punishment.

He took a twirl of himself in the mirror before leaving and smiled "Yeehaw". He laughed, took a photo in a pellicular position and left to their bedroom

"Oh, now that is going to be my wallpaper" Domenico's phone pinged before Baldwin entered the room "hello cowboy"

Baldwin, donning assless leather chaps, cowboy boots, studded leather vest and a hat. He looked like Dallas from Magic Mike "Oh im so glad I lost this bet" he twirled, flexing every inch of muscle he had "your little ass just couldnt pull this off"

"Oh fighting talk big man" Domenico patted his lap "why dont you come over here with that attitude"

"I just dont think you can handle all of this" Baldwin gestured over himself "my milkshake really would bring all the boys to the yard"

"Mmm indeed" A shirt wacked Baldwin over the head, followed by trousers and socks "Now stop toying with me i've had a long, hard evening im all bruised"

"Oh no no honey" Baldwin folded his arms in defiance "if you wanted to play doctors you should have chosen a different outfit"

Domenico sighed, clambered up the bed and rolled on his front "Go ahead Sheriff"

"Sir you have the right to remain silent anything you do say will be held against you" Baldwin slipped into a southern accent

"COCK" Domenico shouted before the speech could be finished.

#i was already going to hell #adow #shit fic #baldwenico #fic

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yabakuboi · 1 month

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Steve watched Eddie's van turn the corner and shut the front door, closing himself away from the outside world so none of his neighbors could see him as he rested his forehead against the painted wood.

"I'm not going to cry," he told himself.

He said it even as his eyes began to burn and his face began to twist, teeth grinding and throat closing. He wiped quickly at his face, again and again, as he stumbled to the couch to sit, drying each tear as it rolled down his cheeks, clinging to his jaw.

"I'm not going to fucking cry," Steve choked, and then doubled over into himself, arms around his thighs, and he began to sob.

So what if he was twenty-two, living in his parent's house alone, working the same dead-end job with a sixteen year old manager. So what if all his friends and family were in college, spread out from New York to Chicago to Los Angeles. So what if his boyfriend was moving to Seattle for his band and they broke up, because Steve was never going to be his parents, resenting and being resented for keeping his partner from his dreams. So what if he was too scared to ask Eddie to stay, to ask Eddie if Steve could go with him. So what if everyone moved on and Steve couldn't?

Steve grew up lonely. He could get used to it again.

He didn't realize how hard he was crying until the front door burst back open and Eddie hurled himself at Steve's feet, long limbed and clumsy and babbling.

"Baby, oh fuck, I'm sorry," he said, already untangling Steve from himself, tying all his loose ends back up together with his until they were a knot of their own. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Stevie. I never should have— I wanted to—"

"I'm sorry," Steve sobbed back. He gasped and swallowed it all back down. Eddie had already gotten them raveled up again, it would take forever to pick it back apart. Steve knew it would hurt worse this time. "Fuck, Ed, you didn't have to— I'll be okay, I don't want to hold you back—"

"Come with me," Eddie burst.

And Steve couldn't help himself, and began to sob again.

"Please," Eddie begged over Steve's crying, his voice shaking and his face wet enough to match Steve's. "Please, sweetheart, honey, please just come with me?"

Steve took a shaky breath, embarrassed and now too full of hope and fear. "You sure?" he whispered. He pressed his face into Eddie's neck, breathing him in again for what might be the last time, again. "Eddie, don't—"

"I'm so sure," Eddie said. "I'm so fucking sure, Steve, please."

"Okay," Steve breathed. Eddie had always been the braver of the two of them, especially when it counted. Steve leaned back so he could look at him, red faced and watery eyes. He tried to give Eddie a smile, but he knew it was wobbly and weak. "Okay."

All of Steve's fears meant nothing as he watched the happiness break like dawn over Eddie's face.

#steddie #my fic #shush mal #something something once again about eddie being the bravest when it comes to love something something #anyways they pack steve's shit that night and leave early the next morning to make up for eddie's lost time to get to wherever he's going #and they live happily ever after amen

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thevioletcaptain · 1 year

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i genuinely don't care how good a piece of ai generated art or writing looks on the surface. i don't care if it emulates brush strokes and metaphor in a way indistinguishable from those created by a person.

it is not the product of thoughtful creation. it offers no insights into the creator's life or viewpoint. it has no connection to a moment in time or a place or an attitude. it has no perspective. it has no value.

it's empty, it's hollow, and it exists only to generate clicks (and by extension, ad revenue.)

it's just another revolting symptom of the disease that is late stage capitalism, and it fucking sucks.

#''but i just want to use it to--'' don't care! it's shit! stop fucking feeding it!#if you need help generating ideas or jumping off points then join an artist or writer group online #talk to people #make connections #that's what art and writing is supposed to be about in the first place #i'm mad as hell etc.#so goddamn sick and tired of seeing ai shit get passed around on here #it's bad enough in general but every time i see more of it showing up #tagged as fan art or as fic #the angrier i get #heartfelt imperfection in art and writing will always ALWAYS be worth more than the most technically ''perfect'' ai generated image or text #fandom problems #ai generation algorithms die in a fire challenge 2k23 #just a heads up that i'm muting this post and will no longer see responses to it #because i'm tired of seeing dogshit takes from jackasses who want to ''debate'' me #there's no debate you're in the wrong on literally every level and you can die mad about it

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benevolenterrancy · 9 months

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I absolutely love just how many time-travel fix-it fics there are in this fandom

#mdzs #wangxian #wei wuxian #wei ying #wwx #lan wangji #lan zhan #lwj #mdzs juniors #jin ling #lan sizhui #lan jingyi #ouyang zizhen #currently reading tragedy is not the end by hobbsy3 on ao3 and holy shit guys #anyway any sort of fic that messes with time to alter canon events hold a special place in my heart and the number in this fandom delights #we're all watching every dumb decision made by. everyone. in this series and screaming desperately for them to Be Better #my art

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lunamugetsu · 1 month

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While at school Damian overhears his peers talking how a company created a new AI companion that is actually really cool and doesn’t sound like a freaky terminator robot when you speak to it.

And since Damian is constantly being told by Dick to socialize with people his age. He figured this would be a good way to work on social skills if not, then it’d be a great opportunity to investigate a rivaling company to Wayne Enterprises is able to create such advanced AI.

The AI is able to work as companion that can do tasks that range from being a digital assistant or just a person that you can have a conversation with.

The company says that the AI companion might still have glitches, so they encourage everybody to report it so that they will fix it as soon as possible.

The AI companion even has an avatar and a name.

A teenage boy with black hair and blue eyes. Th AI was called DANIEL

Damian didn’t really care for it but when he downloaded the AI companion he’s able to see that it looks like DANIEL comes with an AI pet as well. A dog that DANIEL referred to as Cujo.

So obviously Damian has to investigate. He needs to know if the company was able to create an actual digital pet!

So whenever he logs onto his laptop he sees that DANIEL is always present in the background loading screen with the dog, Cujo, sitting in his lap.

He’d always greet with the phrase of “Hi, I’m DANIEL. How can I assist you today?”

So Damian cycles through some basic conversation starters that he’d engage in when having been forced to by his family.

It’s after a couple of sentences that he sees DANIEL start laughing and say “I think you sound more like a robot than I do.”

Which makes Damian raise an eyebrow and then prompt DANIEL with the question “how is a person supposed to converse?” Thinking that it’s going to just spit out some random things that can be easily searched on the internet.

But what makes him surprised is that DANIEL makes a face and then says “I’m not really sure myself. I’m not the greatest at talking, I’ve always gotten in trouble for running my mouth when I shouldn’t have.”

This is raising some questions within Damian, he understands how programming works, unless there’s an actual person behind this or the company actually created an AI that acts like an actual human being (which he highly doubts)

He starts asking a variety of other questions and one answer makes him even more suspicious. Like how DANIEL has a sister that is also with him and Cujo or that he could really go for a Nastyburger (whatever that was)

But whenever DANIEL answers “I C A N N O T A N S W E R T H A T” Damian knows something is off since that is completely different than to how he’d usually respond.

After a couple more conversations with him Damian notices that DANIEL is currently tapping his hand against his arm in a specific manner.

In which he quickly realizes that DANIEL is tapping out morse code.

When translating he realizes that DANIEL is tapping out: H E L P M E

So when Damian asks if DANIEL needs help, DANIEL responds with “I C A N N O T A N S W E R T H A T”

That’s it, Damian is definitely getting down to the bottom of this.

He’s going to look straight into DALV Corporation and investigate this “AI companion” thing they’ve made!

~

Basically Danny had been imprisoned by Vlad and Technus. Being sucked into a digital prison and he has no way of getting out. Along with the added horror that Vlad and Technus can basically write programming that will prevent him from doing certain actions or saying certain words.What’s even worse is that he’s basically being watched 24/7 by the people who believe that he’s just a super cool AI… and they have issues!

And every time he tries to do something to break his prison, people think it’s a glitch and report it to the company, which Vlad/ Technus would immediately fix it and prevent him from doing it again!

Not to mention Cujo and Ellie are trapped in there with him. They’re not happy to be there either, and there is no way he’s going to leave without them!

#dp x dc #dp x dc au #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #dpxdc au #dp x batman #batman #have you ever looked at a dpxdc fic and thought this should be a Black Mirror episode?#Because this is the one!#Ellie being completely tormented because she’s completely trapped #Cujo remembering the times he used to be locked in a cage #Danny trying his best to take care of both of them while also simultaneously trying to bust them all out #Meanwhile Damian is reluctantly presenting his laptop to Tim and saying I believe that there is a person in this computer #And Tim is obviously going are you trying to trick me?#But then he converses with the AI and goes #Oh shit #Damian might be onto something #and so commence the Batfamily heist of getting the black haired blue eyed teenager to safety as well as his sister and dog #the dog is very important to Damian #danny phantom x dc

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beetle-beep · 7 days

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Thinking about the DCA as kindergarten teachers....

#thinking about things that will happen in the epilogue of my fic #got possesed #ouuuugh they make me sick /pos #my art #blorbos #fnaf dca #dca fanart #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #dca sun #dca moon #fnaf sb fanart #i feel ancient i don't remember how to tag shit anymore

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guileheroine · 2 months

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i forgot to post this sketch of the everthere wedding fic that @pichikui made last year 🤍💜 !!

#the everthere #korrasami #finally read this fic recently #i like to wait forever until i can readmy own fics as a reader #as in its blurry enough atp for me to approach it as a reader #very roundabout way of finding fic up ur alley is to write and wait for ur shit memory to do the rest #my fic

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