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isoliawrites · 4 months

Text

I'm here

Sully Family × Son!Reader

Word count: a lot

01 02

Reality

{Just a filler. I don't know what to change much in this part.}

"What?" Y/n asked Tuk in disbelief. "Mom and dad are talking about it right now" Tuk says as she runs out of the tent again and Y/n follows out as Mo'at allows him to. Both of the ran to one of the hut, Kiri was already there, listening. Y/n quietly does the same while Tuk takes a peek inside.

"This thing, this Quartich.. whatever he is.."

"What's going on?" Neteyam asks and Kiri quickly signals them to be quiet. They came and joined in to listen to their parents.

"He can walk right under Eywa's nose"

Y/n watched as Jake and Neytiri argued, he didn't fully understand yet why they had to leave. Neytiri argued "This is about our little ones. I cannot, you cannot ask of this" she walked away from Jake "I cannot leave my people. I will not" She stated once again. Jake looks at her, "He's hunting us. He's targeting our family-" "You cannot ask this!" Neytiri cuts him off "The children, everything they've ever known. The forest, this is our home!"

"He had our children. He had 'em under his knife, look at Y/n!" Jake argued back. Neytiri went silent, torn between her people and her children's safety. She went and grabbed her bow "My father gave me this bow as he lay dying! And he said protect the people.. You're Toruk Makto!" She pleaded but Jake insisted "This will protect the people!"

Y/n hated seeing his parents argue like this, he can't stand the screaming and arguing. He stands up and leaves, he knows they're leaving because what his dad says is final.

Y/n's POV

I felt mixed emotions as I left. I think I'm going to cry or something. I don't want to leave..this is our home, our place. I don't want to leave Mo'at, why does this happen to us... and why am I getting so emotional while the others seem to hold it together better.

I went inside our tent and sat down on my bed... Everything is happening so fast I can't seem to process it well. I heard someone come in and I turned to look, it's Neteyam. "Y/n" he called and sat next to me. "Everything is going to be alright" he said as he stroked my head. I push his hand away "No it's not Nete. We're leaving. I won't have another chance to see the forest and everything I knew" I say to him. "We won't know that for sure, we might return here and meet other new people along the way-" "They won't accept us!" I argued back and he was stunned. Great. Now I feel bad. "....sorry" I said to him and I lay down facing away from him. My eyes felt like they're going to burst at this point.

"Y/n.."

"What is it-?!" Suddenly Nete flipped me over so I was on top of him. "Nete! What are you-!" I shouted. Nete cupped my face and said "Listen to me, it's us against the world, Y/n. Like what dad says, this family is our fortress" He said to me, looking very seriously at me. "I know, I know, stop talking like him" I answered quickly, not in the mood for arguing. He let's go of me and lay next to me. "Your taking all the spaceee! it's my bed!" I told him, and how dare he..this is my bed. I'm fine sharing but he's pushing me out of the bed slowly. "No I'm not, come on baby bro don't be selfish-ow!!" I hit him square in the face "Don't call me that, skxawng!!" Seriously, my dear brother needs to grow out of his nickname calling phase. Oh and yes, I pushed him out of my bed.

"oh your going to get it" Nete said as he layed on top of me and practically trying to kill me cuz he is heavy! I tried to get him off but he won't budge. All of the sudden we both heard dad calling for Nete. He quickly got up and left as I sighed in relief. My mind drifts back to the current situation, imagining us going back after everything is over and how we can all live like before where we don't need to be so vigilant and careful... and Dad wouldn't need to be so worked up all the time. But a part of me knew it was impossible since we aren't going to fight back.. they will keep hunting us one way or another. The worst case scenario is if we were ever caught again.. they will surely take us away.. it could be any of us or maybe even Dad since they seemed to know him.

After Neteyam was finished helping Jake pack their things, he went back to their tent. "Y/n?" Neteyam called to him but got no replies. He looked at Y/n who is asleep. "Must be tired.." Neteyam mumbled as he went to start helping packing other things. He let's Y/n sleep then after he was done he slowly got up and went outside.

When he went outside, Jake was about to get in. "Father.." Neteyam greeted, "Is your brother inside?" Jake asked him. "Yeah he is inside, sleeping," Neteyam answered his father. Jake was silent for a while before nodding, Neteyam looked at his father and noticed that he looked like he wanted to say something but he dismissed that thought.

"...Y/n is not happy about leaving" Neteyam told him, Jake looks at him "I know, none of us is happy about this decision but this is for the best. Help Tuk pack up her things we're leaving as soon as possible. Get the ikrans ready"

Y/n's POV

When I woke up everyone was already finishing packing their things, Mom came in the tent "Y/n.. I was about to wake you up, let's go, the others are waiting" I stood up quietly and followed her "I've already packed your things" she added and I only nodded.

A ceremony was held as I saw the new chief rise and Dad was demoted from the clan leader. Many people saw us off and Mom cried on the way out, we had to leave our home. I managed to see Mo'at for the last time and as we said our goodbye she gave me a hairpin. "Take care of your brothers and sisters, I trust you most" was what she said as I left.

We all got on our ikran...expect Tuk and I. Tuk went with mom and I went with Dad. I look at Neteyam, Lo'ak and Kiri who went on their own, oh how nice it must be. All of us then took off as we headed far away from the forest. I looked back behind me and the forest was getting smaller and smaller as we flew across the ocean. My hand slipped as I tried to keep a glance of the forest and almost fell but Dad quickly grabbed me. "Y/n that's enough" He said to me. Dad tightened his grip around me as we flew faster to lead to others.

As we pushed foward the forest finally disappeared. My heart became heavy by the the fact that we are going away from everything we ever known. And the fact that I and Tuk will never have our rite of passage.. I feel like I was leaving behind and missing a lot of things back at home. I can't understand how the others waa strong enough to not even cry while I'm here trying my best not to... again. Why am I like this? There's always an uneasiness feeling in my heart. It also doesn't help that the fact Spider was still back there and we aren't helping him.

Jake was wondering why Y/n was so quiet since they left. He tried to take a peak at Y/n and what he saw broke his heart. His son was quietly crying and tears were running down his face. The last time he saw his son crying was that incident. Jake knows that Y/n was a strong child and he never cried or complained about anything even when Jake was being hard on him. But sometimes Jake forgot that he was just a child just like the rest. The night they escaped from Quartich, Jake almost went insane when he saw his injuries... he almost lost one of his children and it's the same one years ago. His point was proven right when he doesn't allow Y/n to go out without him or Neytiri but on the other hand he also blames himself for keeping Y/n inside with no knowledge of even self defense because he too was too focused on Netyam and Lo'ak.

Jake knew that he hadn't been tending to Y/n a lot but it's just hard for him to show affection to his sons. Every time he looked at Y/n he was reminded of how he failed to protect him. It was easy to overcome that fear long ago but since the humans invaded back it was hard, nearly impossible for him. Y/n sobs became quite louder and he coughs from trying to keep it in, Jake snapped back to reality and slowly wiped Y/n's tears away. Y/n flinched at the contact but Jake hugged him close with one of his arm and told him

"It's alright Y/n, you can let it out. You can cry, I got you"

As Jake said that Y/n began to cry quietly as he doesn't want others to know. Jake hugged him close and Y/n buried his face in his father's embrace. It felt good to Y/n that he was able to let go of the tears he was trying to hold and it calmed him down better and faster. After Y/n calmed down, the sky went gray and rain began to pour down. The water wipes away the stain on Y/n's cheeks making it impossible to tell that he cried before, the thunder follows as soon as the Sully's make their way towards the new sanctuary.

After a long time of traveling Y/n finally a glimpse of civilization. The waters were getting clearer and he could see the animals and plants inside the ocean. They went through the reefs and flew across huts and the people.

All of them looked at the Sully's as they landed. "Dad I don't think they're friendly" Y/n said to Jake. "We gotta try" Jake replied as he got Y/n off his ikran. All of them walked together to greet the chief, Y/n alongside Kiri at the back. The Metkayina immediately surround them and Jake puts his hands up to tell them they're here not to cause trouble.

Y/n's POV

We were surrounded by the people and honestly I was mesmerized by their appearance. They have different colored eyes and bodies, with tails like fins unlike us. Two boys came forward to take a look at us. Nete and Lo'ak tried to greet them but they didn't greet back... are they really going to welcome us? It doesn't look really promising. They looked kinda scary too. "Easy, just be cool" Dad said. Yeah Dad.. very helpful.

"Look! What is that? Is that supposed to be a tail?" One of them commented. They started to make fun of Lo'ak and Nete before going to me and Kiri. One of them looked stunned and I immediately held on to Kiri, not daring to make eye contact. A girl then came over and scolded the boys. I learned that their names are Rotxo and Aonung.

"Y/n.." Kiri called as she held me close. I then heard something coming and I looked up to see three people but they were riding something like a flying fish, I guess they must be the leaders judging from their outfit. I remember Dad saying they are Tonowari and Ronal..

Dad and Mom greeted them "Why do you come to us, Jake Sully?" Tonowari asked and Dad replied "We seek Uturu"

"Uturu?" Ronal immediately replied, her tone was not happy. "Yes, sanctuary for my family" Dad added but she did not reply. She came and inspected us one by one as Tonowari tried to explain what her wife meant and how it is not possible… and she was right. They are reef people and we are forest people. She went to Mom and Tuk "Their arms are thin" she continued to me and Kiri. She grabbed Kiri's tail "Their tails are weak. You will be slow in the water"

Ronal then went to Y/n but he stepped back, looking down. She was shocked to see Y/n's hair and skin. Ronal was persuasive and grabbed Y/n's hair looking at the color, she had never seen them before. Y/n looked at her and she could tell that Y/n was afraid, his eyes turned into a shade of chartreuse as the sun shone on them. Ronal's frown disappeared a little and turned into a curiosity. She trailed her hand down to Y/n's shoulder and grabbed his hands, suddenly shocked she announced "These childrens... are not even true Na'vi"

Y/n looked back at his family as Ronal let him go and everyone was shocked. Kiri pulled Y/n close to her as she said "Yes we are!"

Ronal inspects Lo'ak and found the same result too. "They have demon blood!" She shouted and the people began to become uneasy. Jake immediately jumped in the situation "Look, look" he raised his hand, showing five fingers. "Look, I was born of the sky people and now I am Na'vi. All right? You can adapt, We will adapt, okay?" he makes his voice heard and clear. Neytiri on the other hand was not pleased with Ronal's attitude as she chimed in "My husband was Toruk Makto" she said as she walks toward Ronal.

"He led clans to victory against the Sky People" she added. "This you call victory?" Ronal shot back "Hiding among strangers?" She went to Neytiri "It seems that Eywa has turned her back on you.. choosen one" she said to Jake. Neytiri hissed at Ronal and she hissed back, challenging. Jake stepped in between them and said "I apologize for my mate, she's.." "Do not apologize for me" Neytiri said but Jake continued "... has flown a long away, and she's exhausted." "Jake." Neytiri said but Jake looked at her and told her to back down and Neytiri obliged. Tonowari also tried to ease the tension "Toruk Makto is a great war leader. All Na'vi prople know his story... But we Metkayina are not at war.." he turned to Jake and added "We cannot let you bring your war here" Jake responded "I'm done with war. Okay? I just want to keep my family safe"

Neytiri was done going back and forth as she repeated "Uturu has been asked". Tonowari turned to discuss with Ronal and suddenly Tuk, in Jake's arms asked "Do we have to go?". Jake answerd "We'll be okay"

Ronal looked at this interaction before looking at her husband. Her fierce eyes met his soft eyes and after a moment she agree. Tonowari was relieved and announce it to the people.

"Toruk Makto and his family will stay with us. Treat them as our brothers and sisters. Now they do not know the sea, so they will be like babies taking their first breath. Teach them our ways, so they do not suffer the shame of being... useless" Jake was relieved as he said thank you and the others followed.

"My son, Aonung, our daughter, Tsireya, will show your children what to do"

Aonung was not happy about this decision "Father, why do-" Tonowari cuts him off "It is decided." Y/n looked at the other sibling, Tsireya who was much the polar opposite as she speak happily "Come, I will show you our village"

Y/n's POV

Tsireya showed us around the village and the last place to our new house. The road was built above the water with some kind of weaving and it was bouncy. Tuk hopped along the way and it was relieving to see her laugh and smile. Mom and Kiri were definitely not too happy about everything, their faces were telling that enough. So when the other went out to explore I stayed with Mom.

I was laying my head on her lap as she brushed my hair "Your hair has grown, Y/n. Do you want to cut it?" I always keep it short because I was inspired by Kiri and I asked her to make my hair the same style as her.

"No need Mom" I answered her.. It is better if I keep it long, that way I can hide it better. "You have such a beautiful hair, like your father" Mom said as she brushed my hair "Doesn't dad has the same hair as the others?" Mom chuckled at my question "When I first met him his hair was smooth, like a baby. And his braids was messy, like a child" I chuckled along with her at her remark

"It's nice to see your hair grow out, it's healthy and beautiful" She said as she divided my hair into sections to braid it. She divide the section of my white hair alone and I tuck my hair in instinctively "No need to braid it Mom, it's fine"

"Y/n..."

Mom immediately noticed my plan of not cutting my hair and I tried to argue with her but it's no use. In the end she braided only my white hair and gave it some beads.... Why did I even stay here? Oh yeah I wanted to make her feel better but this is what I got. I looked at her and she was silently laughing! How mean! "Not funny Mom. I'll be laughed at!" I argued. "You should be proud of it Y/n, it's beautiful.. If someone makes fun of it you tell me immediately"

The others suddenly came back as Dad called us for a family meeting.

"Kiri" Neytiri called as she ask Kiri to sit down. "Okay" Jake started "I need you kids on your best behavior. I mean it." He said as he looked at his kids one by one. "Learn fast, pull your weight. Don't cause trouble, you got it?" Lo'ak knew it was directed at him so he answered "Yes, sir." "I want to go home" Tuk who was quiet the whole time suddenly speaks and she was crying. Y/n pulls Tuk close to him and rubs her back "Oh Tuk.." Neytiri was saddened at Tuk's state. Jake holds Tuk gand and said "Tuk, this is our home now" Jake sighs before he continued "Now we're gonna get through this if we have each other's backs all right?" He tried to assure his childrens and Neytiri also helped "What does your Father always say?" Neteyam, Lo'ak and Y/n answered "Sully's stick together"

"That's right. Sully's stick together" Jake repeats but Kiri stays quiet. "Now with some feelings yeah?" Jake tried again and this time Tuk and Kiri joined in.

"Sully's stick together"

The next day they started with their lessons to learn how to live like a Metkayina. This time Jake cannot ask Y/n to stay back because he had to learn, and the place isn't as dangerous as the forest because Sky people aren't present.

Aonung, Tsireya and Rotxo jumped into the water followed by Neteyam, Lo'ak, Kiri and Tuk. Y/n stayed behind for a while as he observed the others especially on how they swim, he didn't jump in like the others. Instead he slowly went in the water after he tied his hair and hold his breath as he sinked down.

Y/n opened his eyes to see thousands of sea creatures inside the ocean. The water was clear and there are many corals with different colors and shapes. The animals noticed him and suddenly swims towards him, circling and pecking him. Y/n get ticklish and breaks free. He saw his siblings in front of him and tried to swim to them, he slowly tries to swim like how Tsireya and Aonung does it. Y/n slowly pushed through the water, as he kicked his legs to move suddenly he felt a strong current from behind and resulted in him swimming faster and further forward. Y/n looked back thinking it was an animal pushed or something but nothing was behind him. He tested it again and pushed forward but this time stronger and resulted in him losing control.

Y/n panicked as he tried to stop but he can't as the flow of the water kept pushing him. Y/n looks infront and he was about to crash into Tuk so he immediately turned. He was relieved for a moment and saw that his siblings was going up so he made a turn while still being pushed by the flow but that resulted in him crashing into someone else. Aonung.

Tsireya and the others were looking at the Sully's as they had to take their breaths for the second time. Aonung and Rotxo were making fun of them when suddenly Y/n crashed into Aonung.

Aonung was shoved forward. Only after that did the flow stopped behind Y/n and oh boy did he crash into the chief's son. Flustered and panicked Y/n quickly swims up to the surface as the other followed, Aonung had no time to shout at him. Y/n reaches the surface as he gasps for air "Y/n! Are you alright?! You crashed!" Neteyam quickly swims to him with Lo'ak and Tuk following. Y/n was still catching his breath "I-I don't-" "Catch your breath Y/n" Lo'ak said to him as he pats Y/n's back.

The others went up and Aonung looked pissed. "Did you swim with your eyes closed? It hurts you know!" "Sorry.." Y/n quietly apologized. Aonung heard what Y/n said but he wasn't pleased "I can't hear you, frea-" "Hey! He said sorry alright? Did swimming makes your hearing a problem?" Lo'ak cuts him off. Aonung was about to talk back when Tsireya halted him "That's enough. It was an accident and Y/n already apologized"

She turned back to the others "It's alright Y/n, he isn't hurt. Are you all right?"

Tuk chipped in "Your too fast! Wait for us". Tsireya chuckles and assured them "Just breath, breath" "You are not good divers- ow!" Aonung jumped in and immediately earned a smack on head. "Come on, bro" Lo'ak said and Neteyam also added "We don't speak this.. finger talk, guys. We don't know what you're saying". Tsireya calmly replied "I will teach you"

"Where is Kiri?" Rotxo suddenly asked. "Kiri?" "Who?" "Kiri. Where is Kiri?" Y/n looked at Rotxo who took notice of Kiri's absent. "Did you see her?" Tsireya asked and Y/n replied calmly "I think she is still swimming. She's really good at it". Y/n saw Kiri along the way and saw how she quickly adapts and got busy exploring the new world.

Next day

"These are ilu" Aonung said as he introduced the animal to the Sully's. "If you want to live here.. you have to ride."

Y/n's POV

The next lesson we are having are riding an ilu. Kiri didn't want to come with us because she wanted some alone time. I was actually pretty excited about this one because it's similar like iknimaya which I always wanted to do but can't due to Dad being a douchebag.

One problem is that I think Aonung is still pissed about yesterday as his tone was very different when talking to me. I carried Tuk with me as an ilu approach us. "Is this yours?" I asked him and he looks at me "Of course not, this one is for you guys to use. They're quite tamed already so it easier for you" he said. "When did you first make a bond with an ilu?" Nete ask him this time and he shortly answered "When I was young" Tuk wanted to pet the ilu so I set her down Nete joined along to interact with the ilu with her.

As I turned, Aonung approached me "Anyways, white hair, been wanted to ask this but how is your hair white?" I tensed up at the question and answered him "My name is Y/n and my hair is not white...only some of it." "Is it because of your demon blood?" He looked at me and smirked. I ignore him and went to Nete but he grabbed my arm "Why are you running away? I asked you a question". I yanked my arms out from him "I don't know, alright? Please stop pointing it out. I don't feel comfortable about it" He became quiet. Guess that works... it was awkward afterwards so I went back to my siblings.

I went to my siblings and they were playing with the ilu. "What’s wrong Y/n" Nete asked me "It's nothing.." I answered and just then I saw Lo'ak and Tsireya. Lo'ak was first to try and make a bond with the ilu. Tsireya guides him as the others watched and I can tell he was nervous... or trying to act smart or something? He wasn't really listening to what Tsireya said. He makes the bond quite fast and the others were commenting about his position but he just took off.

Aonung and Tsireya dives down to see Lo'ak and I followed... not long after he fell off or should I say failed quite harshly. I chuckled a bit before going up "He fell off didn't he?" Nete asked. "Yeah, but it's a good thing we're in the water. Falling off from an ikran is a much more ouch isn't it?" "Yeah it is" Neteyam and I laughed quietly together as Lo'ak looked embarrassed in front of his crush, Tsireya.

"White hair! Your next" Aonung called me and everyone else snicker at that nickname. I instantly felt worse as I felt everyone's eye look at me. I look at Nete "Come on now, or are you afraid?" Aonung said to me as he gestured. Nete was about to kill Aonung but I held him back. "Y/n-" "It's fine, don't make it a big deal" I told him. I try to ignore the stares but it's making me nervous..

Y/n went to the ilu and as his hand came in contact with it, the ilu's eye widen and it screech. Before Y/n could react the ilu rebels and pushed him back. The others tried to calm it down but in the end the ilu ran away. "Well, there goes the ilu" "He did way worse than his brother" the others laughed. Y/n was clearly embarrassed and mentally prepares himself for another insult like from Aonung but it never came. Y/n was surprised when he just shushed the other kids and looked at the sully's "You guys have a lot to learn, and a long way."

In the end Tsireya decided to split up the group as she took Tuk with her, while Aonung and Roxto got the boys. Needless to say, the session was quite a hellish moment for the boys because they were continuously tortured by Aonung and Rotxo. Although they were constantly laughed at, Aonung and Rotxo still gave them some helpful advice and corrections on how to ride, resulting in Lo'ak and Neteyam learning faster. On the other hand, Y/n scared away almost all of the ilu's and was not able to bond with any of them.

"You do know that ilu's can sense your emotions and feelings, have a little faith in yourself and you'll make my job easier by not scaring away all the ilus" Aonung told Y/n. It was silent between the both of them and Y/n was baffled "....How did you-" "Your face is like an open book" Aonung said. Y/n was quite embarrassed by his statement but he well he gets that a lot. Neytiri also told him that he needs to learn to have a little faith in himself, especially if he wants to catch up to his siblings.

"Thanks for telling me" Y/n smiled and Aonung looked away and quickly changes the topic "A-Anyways, go on have a try. You better not scare it away again"

He brought another ilu and held it in place. By this time Y/n was feeling a lot better. He looked at the ilu and accidentally made eye contact with it. However this time, the ilu did not run away, instead the ilu approached him. Aonung tried to hold it back but when he knew that the ilu was trying to get to Y/n, he let go of it. Y/n smiled again as the ilu made his way to him. Y/n offers his hand and the ilu gladly complies. He looks at Aonung, trying to show him and Aonung tells Y/n to make the bond.

Y/n's POV

I hold my tsaheylu and slowly make the bond, a huge wave of emotionos flows through me. I can see fragments of memories that doesn't belong to mine. I learn that the ilu is a female, after that I got on the ilu as Aonung guided me "You are doing it wrong, you and your brothers are all the same" he huffs in annoyance, and well I just say sorry. He helped me fix my posture while grumbling to himself. After he was done, he told me "You are the one who will lead her, not the other way around. Got it?"

"Okay" I answered back. I took a deep breath and told her to go underwater. She happily oblige and we were moving under the water. I couldn't believe it! We moved slowly at first and then she started to accelerate, I held on to her more securely as she took me to explore the waters.

It felt so magical..there was a lot of sea creatures and plants. We moved fastly in the water, just like how I usually see when my siblings were riding their ikran. We swim for a while before going up to the surface again.

"I did it!" Y/n happily said when he came up to the surface. "Did you see that?!" He aprroached Aonung excitedly. "Yeah, nice-" Aonung was abtuptly cut off when Neteyam and Lo'ak stepped in the middle of them both "You did it Y/n!" They said, congratulating him. "Even I couldn't do it as fast as you! you're a fast learner" Lo'ak added. Aonung face sours a bit "it's not that he is a fast learner. He listend to my instructions well. Tomorrow we'll work on your breathing" he said while walking away.

At night, while everyone was alseep, Y/n was wide awake because of a nightmare he just had. He didn't want to talk about it or remember it. Yet there was something bothering him. Like a feeling of uncertainty. It didn't help much by the fact Spider was still kidnapped. He steps outside the marui and went to a nearby shore to clear his mind. He sat down and takes a look at the ocean, the sounds of the waves does help. Y/n looked at the vast ocean longingly, he missed their home, their forest. The green lush paradise with never-ending adventures, the flying mountains, and the animals.. they don't have it here. As Y/n stared emptily he suddenly felt something wet poking him. When he look beside him he yelped in surprise when a strange creature like animal was staring at him. There was something wrong with the creature, it was made out of water.

"What in the name of science..." Y/n looked at the creature slowly, trying to figure out what it is. The creature just stood still and kept looking at him. It looks really harmless though. No sharp teeth or claws....just water. As he take a closer look, he realized that the creature looked liked a fan lizard. Y/n's eyes widen and he immediately tried to touch it. "Hey-! Wait!" Y/n shouted as the water creature ran back to the ocean and perished before he could even touch it. Y/n went inside of the water as he tried to look for it but since the creature was literally made of water so it's pointless. "Aw man!" Y/n punched the water surface out of frustration. He walks further but then he suddenly heard a voice.

"Y/n! There you are-! Why are you there?! Get back to land!"

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obxone · 1 year

Text

Assumptions (Part 11)

Rewritten/edited. ~1.2k words

Master Page

You wring your hands out and nervously pace across the floor while Kiara watches you during setup. Neither of you are working today, but she had to help set up, per her mom's request, so you decided to meet at the Wreck.

"You are starting to scare me," she says, but you do not spare her a glance as you pace away.

“What is the 911 for?” Sarah questions as she enters the Wreck. Kie pauses her task of pulling chairs down to come to sit at the bar with Sarah.

“I have a problem,” you say, bracing yourself for the onslaught of worry and panic you are about to receive. You know this will be the tipping point, and once you tell both girls, you cannot take it back. But you also know Rafe could not take back his confession, and he would not even if you begged him. Rafe Cameron loves you and believes you will love him back in time.

“Are you pregnant?” Sarah asks, reaching across to touch your hand in an empathetic gesture, but you retract your hand quickly.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you shake your head. “We use protection, and I’m on the pill.”

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion as you continue to struggle with your confession. You need help, you know that. You have to tell them and get their advice on how to handle this situation.

“Then what is it?” Kie asks, both concern and something else you cannot quite decipher in her features.

“Rafe said he loved me last night.”

Sarah’s mouth drops open, but Kie is first to speak. “Like for real?”

“For real. I love you fell right out of Rafe's mouth.”

Sarah’s hands press against her lips for a moment as she stares at you. Her brown eyes are wide in shock. “Did you say it back?”

“No!” You brace your hands against the bar. Your hands tremble, but the pressure of your palms against the countertop keeps the trembling from being visible.

Kiara exhales a sigh of relief none of you had noticed she was holding back. You wish it could be that simple, a 'no, I don't love you', and you both move on one another, but with Rafe, it is not that easy. It never would be.

“I told him that he was repairing the damage little by little." You say, meeting their gazes. Kie quirks an eyebrow at you. "I panicked! I did not know what else to say, and it seemed to keep him happy enough because we ended up you know...” You fade out and fidget with the napkins.

“Ew!”

You cannot help but giggle at Sarah’s scrunched face. “He seemed okay with it, but it is still a problem. He is not getting bored. If anything, it is the opposite.”

“You should’ve just dated JJ,” Kiara mutters, and you throw her a look, but she holds her hands up in defense. “But even though you didn’t say it back, he stayed, and you know…?”

“Yeah.”

“What made him say it?” Sarah scoots to the edge of her stool. “I thought you were home because of the storm, and he was avoiding you?”

“I was, and he came over,” you say as you continue to fidget with the napkins, eyes down and cheeks already heating from what you are about to reveal. “He was drunk after being with the Death Squad, he was soaking wet, so I took his clothes to dry them, and he was looking at one of my books while I cleaned up the mess. He read one of my marked passages, and we talked about it. Then he said it.”

“He just said it?” Kiara asks, knowing that you are leaving out information.

You huff and meet her gaze with a hard look. “Yes. It was an intimate scene, and the male character might have choked the girl during sex. He asked me if that was why it was my favorite, and I said no…” You grimace as Sarah retracts back, a look of disgust on her face. “I know, I’m sorry! I was trying to leave it out.”

Kiara laughs, hand pressed to her stomach as Sarah shudders.

“It was because she asked him to, and she said please. So he did it for her. They realized at that moment that they would do anything for each other, including that, because they love one another that deeply.”

Kiara pouts, metaphorical hearts filling her eyes. “That’s cute.”

“Right?!” You ask, lifting your arms. It felt good that someone else related to that moment with you. It was a romantic gesture, even if it had come about as a kink. “That is why I marked it!”

Sarah laughs with a shake of her head. “But he made it all about the choking, didn’t he?”

“At first,” you agree and look at them both. “Then I said it was a silly romantic thing, and Rafe said it was not a silly romantic notion and that he loved me.” You groan, closing your eyes as you fight the panic that threatens to consume you. “What do we do?” You open your eyes to look at two of your best friends. “I don’t trust John B or Pope enough to give me a serious response, and JJ would have a literal cow, so…”

“Break his heart.”

“Sarah!” Kie’s head snaps around to look at the blonde. Both of you stare at her in surprise. You knew she did not like her brother, but this is a new level of savage.

She shrugs in response. Her brown eyes focused only on you. “Rafe is not a good person, and I tried to warn you. He is not going to let you go easily. Not unless you hurt him."

“I know he is not,” you mutter, cutting her off. “Trust me. Lesson learned, always believe Sarah when it comes to Rafe.”

She nods. “So, break his heart.”

“That’s fucked up,” you sigh before collapsing dramatically face-first into the bar. Sarah and Kie both reach out to touch your shoulders in comfort. You lift your head and look at both of them. "Doing that would mean a ton of drama and fist fights.”

“She’s not wrong,” Kie adds, sympathetically.

“Fucking life, man,” you groan and straighten up before exhaling. “I’m going to coast out of this relationship. I’m going to go back to limited access and be the worst girlfriend in the world, and he’ll have to break up with me. It'll work, right?”

“Right,” Sarah snorts before meeting your gaze. “Ward and Rose like you a lot. My dad won’t shut up about the change in him. He’s not giving up his golden boy title for anything, and that title only happens with you.”

“Damn it!” You snap and throw your head back in annoyance.

“You are going to have to break his heart,” Sarah murmurs, and reaches for your hand to squeeze it.

“JJ wouldn’t mind helping…” Kie starts, and you look at her.

“I can’t ask him to do that.”

“He’d prefer it over you going after another guy,” Kiara shrugs. “Trust us.”

“I need to think about this,” you whisper, closing your eyes for a moment before turning to look at the clock. “Can we get out here now?”

“Absolutely!” Kiara hops off the stool, and you both get ready to leave with Sarah to go to round up the guys and busy yourself with a good distraction.

Part XII

#outer banks #obx #rafe cameron #outer banks rafe cameron #obx rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader

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lynzishell · 3 months

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List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥

TYSM for this ask!!! 💖

Okay! Up next from last week’s poll is my MC: ✨Phoenix Realta✨

❄️He loves to cook… as you may have guessed considering he’s always the one cooking every meal. But… a little background (and I’ll split this into two)… He grew up poor and his mom wasn’t big on cooking, so the times when his kitchen was stocked, it consisted of a lot of frozen and canned/boxed meals like soup, tuna, mac and cheese, and frozen pizza. His favorite thing growing up was peanut butter and banana on toast. He’d toast the bread so that the peanut butter would be all melty and gooey.

❄️He learned how to cook properly from Julian during the year he lived with him in Copperdale. It was the only real quality time they spent together, but they both really enjoyed it. When Phoenix moved to the city, he fell in love with the variety of food and restaurants available. He started collecting cookbooks and watching cooking shows to learn more and more complicated recipes. It can be difficult to cook for only 1-2 people, so it’s nice that Atlas and Asher come over for dinner every Sunday. (fun fact: all of these things are very important to the future of Aspen’s story btw)

❄️The man cannot sit still. He’s even worse than Dawn in that regard. He always needs to be doing something. He actually misses the days when he was training and climbing to prepare for the Mt. Komorebi excursion. It kept him busy and active all the time. After that was over, it was kind of a bittersweet moment, like he didn’t know what to do with himself. So, he got into running. Luckily, Aspen keeps him quite busy now, but he still runs every day, rain or shine.

❄️He is very much addicted to coffee and has been for years. He likes it strong and black. He can’t start his day without it, and he drinks multiple cups throughout the day, especially at work. At this point, he can barely function without it and gets really bad headaches if he goes a day without a cup.

❄️And, of course, he’s a new father! And he is soooo happy! Aspen is a lot of work, but like I said, Phoenix always needs to be up doing something, so he’s happy to be taking care of her. He’s just so grateful she’s finally here. 🥹 And honestly, he’s pretty bummed about having to go back to work sooner than expected. I think there’s a part of him that would’ve loved to be the one staying home with Aspen. Once Dawn mentioned wanting to stay home, I think a part of him wanted to say that he does too and maybe she should be the one to go back since she makes more money. Instead, he signed himself up for a more demanding, higher paying, career path, and cut his own time at home short, so that he could support Dawn in staying home with their daughter. It’s in his nature to put her first, and he genuinely wants to do whatever he can to make her happy, that’s his priority, but I don’t think we should ignore the immense sacrifice he's making. He doesn’t want to be away from Aspen or miss out on any big moments in her development any more than Dawn does, but he also doesn’t feel right about taking that away from her. My heart kinda aches for him a little, y’know.

I love him so much! And it’s been too long since I’ve gotten in his head and done a proper character development exercise for him, so I really enjoyed this! TYSM for sending me this ask!! 🫶🏻

#i'm so obsessed with this photo of him and aspen #you don't even know #slowly but surely making my way through these asks #if you've sent me one recently i promise i'll get to it #i really do love them sm!#ask game #oc ask game #aries outtakes #phoenix extras

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twosroos · 2 years

Text

All Grown Up [Chapter Six]

roos says ! I promise u, we are getting closer to the fun parts. I also am not sorry for the person I become when there's mutual pining. also this gif is so fricken perfect I had to use it-- thank u op.

desc: It's getting harder and harder to keep yourself in check. And maybe alcohol makes it worse, or maybe it's the fact that Bob is just so sweet.

fluff, with a bit of angst in the middle

notable characters: robert "bob" floyd

TWs: alcohol/drinking, mentions of injury, allusions to fantasized death.

ao3 link ! last chapter ! next chapter

"You're not supposed to be home until noon," You spit out through a shaking breath and a shaky laugh. Bob gives you a half smile.

"Uh, I was gonna surprise you at work." He admits, still keeping his arms wrapped around you. You find that it takes everything in you not to gawk at him.

"Why?"

"It was gonna be a tremendous surprise?" He tries, and you snort, bringing a hand to your face to wipe it as you sink further into his touch. If you could, you would burrow into him to hide away from your embarrassment.

"Are we going to keep ending up like this, hugging and crying?" Bob asks after a moment, and you physically cannot stop the smile that breaks your stoic face.

"Seems so, my knight in shining..." You look at his outfit, "Blue jeans?"

Now it's Bob's turn to laugh, leaning forward to tuck his head by your shoulder, and you sniffle as a grin graces your features. Beside you, Shannon stands back up and puts her hands on her hips.

'Well," she starts, "I've gotta head back so I'll be on time for work today. You both stay safe, alright? Y/n, your boss said it's okay if you go home today."

"Oh, okay," You turn so you can see Shannon as she grabs her car keys, "Thanks for coming out, Shan."

"Of course. I'll see you in July, Y/n." Shannon grins as she starts towards the door, "see you later, Bob!"

"It was nice to meet you, Shannon!" He calls as she ducks out the door with a wave of her hand, leaving you and Bob sitting on the floor in your office. You both sit still for a while before you get a random idea.

"Wanna swim?"

Both of you end up in your pool, Bob lazing in the cool water as the sun beats down in South Carolina. Sunscreen creates a visibly oily sheen across the surface of the water that ripples in the sunlight. While Bob has already sunken into the pool, a sunscreen half washed off his skin while you're only just making it outside. You adjust your sunglasses as you waltz out with one of the newest bikinis you own on your body. It's modest, high-waisted with a thick bandeau top, but it hugs you in all the perfect spots. Though you mostly wear it because it's comfortable, and if you end up tanning, you hope it will fix the slight farmer tan you're noticing on your arms. A case of unopened beer cans that Bob had grabbed on the way to your home sits in the shadow of the pool umbrella, and you bend down to pick it up while Bob turns to look at you. You feel his gaze heavy on you, so you glance over your sunglasses to see his lips slightly gaped as his eyes stare at something below yours. With a snort, you crack open a beer and hand it to him while you grab another from the pack as you step onto the steps leading into your pool.

"You'll catch flies with your lips parted like that, Robby." You tease, sitting in the sun on the step next to him. He brings his beer to his lips, watching as you crack open yours and take a sip.

"I..." The words die in his throat, making you laugh as you give him a tilted head grin.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" He exclaims, eyes widening more, if it was possible, "I just... never really see you in much other than blue jeans and a shirt."

You laugh, "Did you forget I have a feminine figure, Rob?"

"I..." He contemplated what he was planning to say for a few seconds before speaking a bit softer, "I guess it's just been a long time since I've seen it."

"Am I getting you bothered?" You say before realizing you should probably censor yourself, considering your mom is in the kitchen making dinner. He scoffs instead, taking another long sip of his drink. You do the same. Once finished, you set your can down and slide until you're off the steps and into the water. The sun's warmed your pool to the perfect temperature, so you dip under the water when your face feels hot, hoping to cool it off. You assume it's from the sun, or maybe you're more of a lightweight than you remember.

When you come up for air, you drag your hands through your hair and float to the wall beside Bob in the shade. Coming to relax with your arms on the wall, you smile at him and lift one hand to absentmindedly run your hand along his scar.

"Are you trying to?" He questions and you blink up at him, watching as he adjusts his glasses so they don't slide off his nose from the inelegant position he cranes his neck down into.

"Not really." You concede, dropping your hand to rest on the concrete by your head again, "I'm just still so astonished little quiet Robby turned into a Naval Aviator who shoots guns and drops bombs and... I don't know. I guess I always knew you had a fire in you, but I never really saw it."

"It's a lot." Bob states, sinking into the water so he can rest his head back on the wall, "I almost dropped out of training five or six times from start to graduation. I'm glad I stuck it through though, I've gotten to meet and work with so many amazing, awe-inspiring people from it."

Your eyes drag to the scar on his shoulder again, then up to the one by his jaw, "Is it worth it? The scars and the terror?"

"Kind of, it always feels good to pull off a mission." He says and you hum, finishing off one can of beer easier than you intend to. The two of you sit in silence for a long time, the soft chirp of the chicks in the far-off coop and the muted sound of your mother's 80s music through one of the upstairs windows being your only company. The alcohol hits you slowly, enough to buzz your thoughts, and you think to yourself: what if there was a day, like in movies, where the officers in their stark uniforms showed up at your door? What if you had to host a funeral for your childhood best friend? Your eyes burn into his scar as you imagine him never coming home from that mission. And you realize it genuinely scares you; it strikes something in your heart that cries, so you find yourself sitting up with drunk discretions.

"Can you make me a stupid promise?"

"Depends on how stupid it is." He chides, and you roll your eyes as he sits up so you both can be face to face without having to be at any more awkward angles.

"Can you promise me you'll always come home? Robby, I just got you back, for real, and I don't know if I'm willing to lose you again." You whisper, "We've clicked back together like puzzle pieces, and I don't know what I'd do with myself if you... well, y'know."

Bob's quiet for a while, his eyes scanning you before his hands are lifted from the water to pull you close. You gratefully accept the hug, burying your face in his skin, soaking in the warmth that tells you he's living.

"I'll always come home to you." He says after giving you a silent moment to soak in the hug, "I always will."

"Please try not to break this one. Tell Phoenix too." You grumble and he laughs, letting one arm drop to grab his beer as your turn, curling against his side. You slot there so naturally just like you always had as a teen.

"I'm sure she'd agree with you." He tilts his head to the side and your noses bump, you blink and feel the heat from before returning to your cheeks as your face flushes bright red. You can see it on his skin too, and you swallow. His eyes flick from your lips to your eyes, then back down, and you find yourself leaning in a bit closer. You can feel his breath on your skin and you let a sly grin slip its way onto your face, watching his cheeks grow redder. You slide a hand up his arm to his shoulder, resting it there as his eyelids flutter at you and his teeth scrape his lip. There's some sort of unspoken conversation in your eyes, permission being asked, and you dip forward to connect. But it never happens.

"Y/n! Rob! Dinner!" Your mom calls from the window, and you both sharply pull apart. There's a beat where you maintain eye contact before he turns, and you stand to follow him out of the pool. Once you start to dry yourself off, you make your way over to the patio, where your mom has set up a nice spread of food to eat. When you look back at Bob, you see him wave as his Mom and Step-Dad walk over from where they'd parked their car, and you sigh, turning back towards your mother as she gives you an all-knowing smile. You pout at her and take your place on the couch, ready to stuff your face full.

You don't see Bob the next morning, considering Molly forced him to have a 'tea party sleepover' or something with her. After dinner. It's fine with you because you desperately need sleep and you know if you spend any more time around Bob without a chance to clear your mind you'll be doing other things than sleeping.

You end up spending less time teaching on Thursday than you mean to and when you get home, no one is around, so you take the free time you have before dinner to practice. Fuego is practically bursting out of her pen by the time you get there to let her out and bring her into the small section where you usually bathe and tack her. Immediately, find it hard to tack her up without her getting impatient or trying to run off to go run somewhere on her own, and even if you do find it funny, it's also super fricken annoying. You lead her to the section you'd made for practicing and mount. The second you get on her saddle, one you'd customized after realizing you wanted to barrel race for real, she's bucking around and flinging her head. It takes a bit of fighting to get her to relax, but if Fuego is anything, she's loyal.

"Alright, girl." You say to her, "You ready to run?"

She starts thrashing out of excitement, but she holds back, waiting for the crack of your reins and the whistle you'll let out. You go to start but hesitate when you hear random voices approaching, but it's not enough to make you stop.

"Fuego!" You shout and then whistle, and she takes off. You round the first barrel with ease, and she runs a little slow to the second, her turn around the third knocks the barrel but doesn't make it fall, and her straightaway run is as perfect as it usually is. Once you get her to calm, knowing her first run is always a bit messy, you bring her through again, this time making sure to feel the path as she runs it. You feel better about the run, and fish a treat out of your pocket as a reward for doing well, when you hear someone wolf whistle. Fuego snorts.

"Bob wasn't lying when he said you were a glass of water." The voice says and you turn your head, hand coming to the brim of your cowboy hat as you adjust it so it actually blocks all the sun from your eyes.

"Who the hell are you?" You ask, looking at the man who leans on the fence, he laughs waving a hand.

"No real flirts here, don't worry." He grins up at you, aviators reflecting the sun a bit as he tilts his head up, "Bradley. Rooster, he's probably called me."

"He has." You say, "You wanna keep bothering my practice, or will you shut up and watch quietly?"

"I'll shut up, Ma'am." He salutes you and you roll your eyes, bringing Fuego back around to where you start Fuego for her runs. You huff, bringing your head down to brush her mane as you take a breath and think of how to adjust your grips or calls for the next run. Fuego stomps and paces a bit, making you grin as you sit back up, pulling her reins to get her to walk to the side so you can restart.

"Fuck it up, Y/n!" You hear Jake call and you shake your head.

"Fuck off, Seresin." You say, but nevertheless, now with an audience, you start the path. And, to be fair, it's probably the best you've run it in a while. It's not perfect by a long shot, but you do pretty well. The team cheers you on, and you bow with extra drama, quickly dismounting from Fuego and bringing her back into the barn. You'll practice more later, but for now, you have quite a few pilots to meet after you untack her.

You don't know if you're nervous, or really weirdly excited to finally meet them all.

#robert bob floyd x y/n #robert bob floyd x you #robert bob floyd x reader #robert floyd #robert bob floyd #top gun #top gun fanfiction #top gun: maverick #top gun maverick #all grown up twosroos

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crescentmoonrider · 2 years

Note

give me your important toji and yuta and megumi headcanons :3c

you mean, in general ? or like how they'd all interact together ? or are we talking Boy Who Leapt Through Time AU specifically ?

well i guess i can do all three

let’s start with individual hcs !

Toji

he’s bisexual and demiromantic. the only person he’s ever been in love with has been his first wife, Megumi’s mom, in part because she was the only person at the time to treat him like a normal guy

the reason he married Tsumiki’s mom is more complicated. on the one hand, Megumi and Tsumiki got along well, and Toji thought it would be good for Megumi to spend time with like, someone his age. on the other, Toji didn’t trust himself to take care of Megumi, and thought marrying again would be a sort of insurance in case he died... or decided not to go home

the reason he never made the Zen’in clan pay for the way they treated him, and the reason he sort of trusted them with Megumi is that he has completely internalized the abuse he went through as something that was justified

his self-esteem is at rock bottom. he’s just really good at hiding it by behaving like a fucking asshole

might just have a breakdown if someone pays him a genuine compliment

he fucks around a lot for a few reasons : easy money, easy way to get a roof on his head, he likes it and likes making his partner(s) feel good, he tries to compensate his need for emotional intimacy with physical intimacy (it doesn’t work)

Yuuta

bisexual and aromantic. he tells people Rika’s the only one for him because for some reason, people are more eager to believe he can’t get over a childhood crush than to understand he just. doesn’t get romantic love

he’s build like a stick, and no matter how much he tries, cannot manage to build any muscle mass. he wishes at least had some more pecs.....

i refuse to believe the whole point of vol. 0 (overcoming grief, moving on from past mistakes, letting Rika-chan fucking rest in peace) would be undercut so stupidly by Gege, so the current “Rika” is not in fact cursed energy left behind by Rika-chan and uh, the power of love ? it’s just a copy Yuuta made with his technique. i will not be taking criticism

because of how socially isolated he used to be, his only idea of what real teens his age do comes from like, dramas and manga, and the random bits of conversation he would hear in the classroom

the first time he went out to a café with the other 2nd years, he cried for a good 20 minutes

Megumi

demi without a strong preference for any gender. has trouble understanding other people’s conceptions of romance and sexuality, especially people who date/fuck without strong ties to each other

the type to idealize the people he likes (who aren’t Gojo), only to be disappointed when they turn out to be, you know, people. with good sides and bad sides and sides that just don’t sit well with specific people

Tsumiki taught him how to cook. he doesn’t do it often these days, but he finds it relaxing

depending on my mood, i sometimes go with the idea that he has a puppy crush on Yuuta. he’s taking that secret to his grave, though

now for interactions not related to the above-mentioned AU !

obviously we know Megumi admires and respects Yuuta a great deal, and i like to think Yuuta’s the kind of guy who really wants to make his kouhais proud. so we have “Okkotsu-senpai can do nothing wrong” on one side, and on the other we have Yuuta trying to show off and keep up with Megumi’s expectations. it’s a whole mess, but it’s a funny one to watch for the other 2nd years

they have betting pools on what they can convince Yuuta to do to show off to Megumi, and also on what will finally make Megumi realize Yuuta is just as stupid as the rest of them, just in a different way

now, if we were to put Toji in there, as Megumi’s very much alive deadbeat dad....

i mean. it would be a disaster. a very entertaining one, but a disaster nonetheless. Megumi would do his best to keep Toji away from Yuuta so #1 Shitty Dad can’t embarrass him in front of his cool senpai. Toji would do his best to do just that, in whichever way is funniest to him (so either by flirting with Yuuta or by revealing Megumi’s baby photos. maybe even both)

meanwhile Yuuta would just be like “huh i wonder who the hot guy Fushiguro-kun just shoved out the window was”. and then Toji would open his mouth and Yuuta would go “oh he’s an asshole ok”. he Would take Megumi’s defense if Toji’s being too shitty, though. senpai instincts

unfortunately for everyone though, Yuuta is also a very genuinely kind soul, which is exactly what can break through the walls and layers of dysfunctional coping mechanism Toji built after the death of his first wife (and also after the abuse he suffered at the hands of the Zen’in clan)

what i’m saying is that Yuuta just stands there obliviously as Megumi tries to murder Toji, who is now seriously trying to get closer to Yuuta and just like, become friends ? maybe ??

oh yeah also Toji calls himself a monkey one time in front of Yuuta, and Yuuta just straight up goes “you will treat yourself (and others like you, such as Maki) with respect or i will punt you into the sun” and Toji’s just like. “oh.”

and now for The Boy Who Leapt Through Time AU !!

obviously Yuuta has latched onto the kids and sworn to protect them. on the one hand, of course, it’s painful to look at them and remember the people he knew and lost, and the time he spends with them keeps on twisting the knife of his trauma. on the other, he refuses to make his own issues something other people have to worry about, and part of what protecting the kids means to him, is hiding his pain from them

he will do anything for their sake. anything

Toji’s relationship with Megumi at that time is pretty complex. Toji’s at his lowest point by then, and while he does love Megumi and wants the best for him, he’s also very aware that like. he fucking sucks as a parent. and there’s probably a part of him that resents having a kid, because life would be easier if Megumi wasn’t around. if Tsumiki hadn’t called him, there’s honestly a good chance he wouldn’t have gone home at all that day

and of course, he doesn’t believe a “monkey” such as him could ever be the right person to raise a sorcerer

anyway it’s complicated. the way Tsumiki talked to him on the phone, it made Toji believe he was needed, and that’s why he came back (also because his wife bailed). but then the small fight over juice made Megumi spill out all of his grievances to Toji, because he’s a child and he needs his dad and Toji has been pretty awful at being there for him up until now, and now Toji thinks he was wrong and actually Megumi would be better off without him

they both suffer from “i will die if i tell my loved ones i care about them” disease, and it sucks. but also one of them is fucking 4 years old and deserves some slack on that front

on the Toji and Yuuta front... Yuuta’s first thoughts about Toji were that he is dangerous, and also a jackass. but also Yuuta is thankful to Toji for picking him up and more or less saving his life (because seriously, who knows what the College would do with a Special Grade who says he comes from the future and has fucking unreal levels of cursed energy)

anyway he has now realized that Toji has some Fucken Issues, some of which he recognizes from personal experience. like, the low self-esteem, the isolation, the disbelief at anyone being nice to him ? yeah Yuuta, who was haunted by Rika-chan for 6 years, and was also bullied, is familiar with that

so of course he wants to help, as a way to thank Toji, and for the kids’ sake. especially Megumi’s, since he’s seen what abandonment issues have done to the Megumi he knew. he doesn’t really know how to go about it, though

Toji doesn’t really know what to make of Yuuta. he’s a sorcerer, and stupidly strong at that, but he acts... weak. right up until he doesn’t. he’s also scary good at lying and smiling in front of the kids, right up until he can be on his own to have a breakdown. he also thanked Toji for something Toji did mostly for his own sake, and it’s... Toji doesn’t know what to make of that either

well, they only really met like today, so. they’re gonna figure each other out and what to do about their situation eventually, for better or worse

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belovedharringrove · 2 years

Text

so i made a post saying that if you want proof that billy is abused by neil, that you should watch the scene where neil's asking him where max is with an abuser (but, like. don't actually do that if you can avoid it) and @sonneillonv asked to see my perspective on it.

okay so start this off properly

TRIGGER WARNING

there will be discussions of abuse to both a real person (me) and a character (billy).

i'm putting my thoughts in order as i write this so this may either be extremely short or very long.

right. i am 21 years old and i work and make my own money, and during all these years i have been abused physically, verbally and let's say financially. the physical abuse has slowed down but from the time i was 6-7 to when i was about 17 my father abused me physically almost every day, sometimes for what i considered to be the dumbest reasons but he considered to be disrespect. my dad worked in construction his whole life so he didn't have the lightest hand in the world either.

when i watched s2 e8 (correct me if i'm wrong but i believe that's the episode) i was with both of my parents.

in the episode, billy's getting ready for a date and neil knocks on his door demanding to know where max is, start insulting him, etc.

the moment i saw nail hit billy, i immediately went "see? billy lashes out at everyone because he's being abused. that is abuse." and my 60 year old father immediately disagreed with me. he said that no, that's not abuse, but billy was being disrespectful and maybe if billy had spoken better to him, neil wouldn't have had to punch him, billy could've gotten away with a slap to the wrist!!! which is a form of manipulation that he's used with me before. you know, the apologies that go "i'm sorry i yelled at you in public, but if you hadn't pissed me off i wouldn't have had to scream at you!".

then we get to the part where neil asks billy to repeat himself and i say "that's a tool that abusers use as a way of holding power over their victims" and my father once again disagrees with me. says that sometimes as a parent, you need to ask your children to repeat things so "the lessons stick better" and "they don't keep making mistakes". when i asked what mistake billy made, he floundered and then said billy lost max and when i pointed out that, in me and my older siblings case, we could both be home at the same time and be none the wiser because we're always in our rooms. perhaps the same thing can happen to billy and max? y'know, because they're humans and billy can't be expected to helicopter over a moody teenager the whole day unless he wants her to throw her skateboard at him? he just got quiet and told me to shut up.

then we get to the part that billy goes to the byers' house and he gets into a fight with steve. when max grabs the syringe and injects billy with the medicine, i say "she shouldn't have done that, that was very dangerous thing to do. billy could've died." and my mom says "but they were using that to put will to sleep, it wouldn't have hurt him." i then have to explain that we don't know billy's medical history. he could've had an allergic reaction to the medicine and simply just died. i am 100% certain that none of them have cpr training or even would've known what to do if that had happened. then they go and take billy's car, leaving him drugged and with no mode of transportation.

at this point my father is not very happy and says "well, billy is a grown man! if he hated being abused so much, he could've just fought back!" and- no. he couldn't.

billy looks like a grown man because dacre montgomery was around 23 years old in 2017 when season 2 came out and, let's be honest, the man is pretty fucking fit. but billy was a teenager. only 17 years old. it's not he didn't want to fight back, it's that he couldn't.

as a 21 year old, i have my abusive father financially dependent on me while he waits to be retired. i could easily deny him a single cent that he asks of me but i cannot. not because i'm incapable, but simply because my mind goes 'he's your father, he raised you, he loves you, do you really wanna turn into him? he did his best while raising, he wasn't perfect but who is?' and that's only a few of the thoughts that go through my mind. billy is 17 years old and similar things probably go through his mind, plus maybe 'i don't have anyone' because max proved she doesn't care for his wellbeing back at the byers house, susan wouldn't come to his defense and neil is his abuser. he's far from california, he has no friends and no other family. he's completely alone.

i really hope this made sense and i put it in a way that people understand. i am emotionally drained now because this is a difficult topic to breach for me, but if you have any questions or need me to clear anything up, just reply or send me a pm and i'll be happy to answer.

#billy hargrove #tw #tw abuse #tw abuse mention

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mamatayto · 5 months

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Ya know; I'll admit that it sucks and hurts to not have my childhood best friend in my life anymore. Another broken piece of losing and leaving everything behind to start a new life, to start over with my husband and kids.

Sucks that she believes lies and rumors from others that I'd steal from her like that. The most comfortable person to talk to about any and everything just gone and moving on enjoying her own life. Having nothing she would ever want to share or say to me again other than bitterness and anger of her own.

Ya know what hurts most about not having her in my life anymore? All the things we said we would share together as children that are now gone. What hurts the most other than NOT being able to share my failures, tragedies, and victories with her; is the emptiness left inside knowing the amount of years we would just talk talk talk talk and fantasize about being aunites and being there for when we have children finally... and their very first aunt to love is just gone.

When she thought she had proof of my stealing from her, she told me she was done and blocked me everywhere. I told her I don't have time for that kind of drama right then, and that if she blocked me and chose to reject me she wouldn't be allowed to take it back this time. I even let her know albeit angrily that I had been asked out, and was going to leave state to start my life over and have babies finally. I just KNEW he was the one who would get me pregnant and father my babies. And she didn't even care due to her own sense of betrayal and anger. Now my 2 beautiful babies are here and she is not. I often day dream about her driving up on weekends just to hang out with the kids. Chatting and chilling like we used to.. except with the kids. She would really love them both....

What hurts the most is what she is missing out on now.

But.. she is moving on and making her own happiness in the world which is fantastic.

Ya know ... it was really hard the day my son was born. March 24th. All I really wanted to do was video call her to show him to her and talk about how odd and wonderful it was that my second child was born in the same month as she is.

Or to talk to her about every struggle of parenting and living with my in-laws.

It hurts and is sad she gave that all up. But as long as she's happy it was worth it.

I love you always no matter what Jammie... I'm no longer watching you and following your posts. You know how to reach out to me. I won't reach out since I'm not the one who blocked and walked away. But I am sorry for the way things happened.

That being said...

My new life couldn't be better too. I'm with a loving and nurturing man who doesn't hit me and slam me against fridges when he is drunk or had a bad day. He actually pays attention to my moods, and actively WANTS me around. Took him awhile to get there, but also defends me against his parents. Finally starting to be on the same page with me on parenting. Living with two toxic in-laws hasn't been easy, and being molested by my father inlaw has made living here very difficult mentally and emotionally. We are moving into our very own and first rental house mid May, which I cannot wait for in layers of reasons. It hasn't been perfect or easy, and nothing in life is... but overall I couldn't be happier and remain focused on being a stay at home mom for now. I won't be a working mom for awhile yet.

Still trying to learn to drive. Having a he'll of a time just passing the multiple choice test yet, especially when there are differences from state to state. When living in Oregon I was 2 questions away from passing. Now though? Now I'm lucky to score 42%! But as soon as I'm driving I get to do all sorts of things including take up an Instacart Driver job.

Just being a mom of 2 so young, and house wife keeps me crazy busy.

But I do love my life now. And my family.

I don't know why trying out poly was so important to me I'm my past. Maybe because I wanted to be loved the way I needed without having to leave what I already had. Idk. But it wasn't for me or right. I'm relieved and blessed to be with a man happy to only have 1 woman in his life. In fact when I found a couple potential women to play with he got mad and asked me if he isn't enough for me. I was confused because what man doesn't want 2 women st the same time for fun? But it's MY man who don't care about that shit. Lucky me honestly~♡

Even though you won't talk to me Jammie, I'm glad we are both moving forward and mostly happy now. That makes all the pain and distance worth it.

#apologies #what hurts the most #stay at home mom #mom of 2 #modern day house wife #momlife #losses #friend grief

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thefuturesunwrittenthepast · 2 years

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Taylor Swift doing the eras tour really is a whole time capsule of memories coming undone because my friends in second grade singing “red-headed Abigail” to me in the back of their mom’s mini van listening to the country radio station, being 8,9,10 and looking up every song on Taylor Swift, Fearless, and Speak Now on YouTube watching every single music video every single day, looking up all the other songs and the unreleased tracks, singing along to Love Story at the fourth grade talent show, fully experiencing the Red era with my middle school friends, making music video school projects to We Are Never Getting Back Together, obsessing over 22, my best friend’s favorite song being All Too Well that she sung in the car every day, Begin Again being a music video I watched religiously each afternoon, Treacherous being the first song I ever learned to play on guitar, 1989 being the first Taylor cd I ever bought, going to target with my mother and playing the album in her car and claiming her a convert, hanging the polaroids on the walls of my bedroom, my mother learning all the words to the album quicker than me from playing the cd on her long drive to work, Reputation coming out when I was in college and blasting End Game in the university parking lot, forcing my sorority to play it at our spring formal and being the only one on the dance floor screaming the lyrics, Call it What you Want being the second song I ever learned on guitar, buying the cd for my mother and bringing it to her on my first visit home from school as a new tradition and a way for us to stay connected while I was away, watching her cry as New Years Day played because it reminded her of when she met my father, Lover becoming the album that always played when I entered my best friend’s dorm room, running through my childhood neighborhood with Cruel Summer keeping my pace, Folklore being the soundtrack to my summer internship that turned into my first job out of college, Invisible String being the inspiration to the art I gave my valentine that year, Evermore teaching me even more songs on guitar and inspiring me to write my own music for the first time, the Invisible Sting relationship turning into Champagne Problems, the Re-Releases continuing my mother and I’s tradition and introducing her to the songs I sang my whole childhood, All Too Well Ten Minute Version TV being my mother’s favorite song that she sang with tears in her eyes sprouted from memories past that I know understand, my younger brother singing Stay Stay Stay TV when I picked him up from college for a weekend at our parents. Midnights now being the album I stayed up to wait for with a new lover who lives with me and reminds me of Labyrinth and Sweet Nothing, the album I dance to in my own apartment where I am now an adult with a career, Anti-Hero being another song out of many I play on guitar, the album I listen to with only my mother who I just delivered her cd to last week. I grew up with Taylor and her art has been the soundtrack to my life—more than I ever realized. I cannot wait to take my mother to the Eras Tour. Where I know I will cry the entire show.

#taylor swift #the eras tour #midnights #taylor’s version #personal #swifties

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twdsunshine · 2 years

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Lost In The Act: Pt. 2

Summary: With an upcoming family gathering weighing heavy on her shoulders, Jess turns to Rick Grimes, her friend and colleague, for support. She knows the long weekend will be filled with pressure and expectations, piled on by her well-meaning parents who cannot understand why their sweet girl is still single. When Rick offers to accompany her as her date, she eagerly accepts, but, with long-suppressed feelings simmering beneath the surface and her past lurking around every corner, will she be able to keep up the act?

Pairings: Rick Grimes x OFC

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 4,188

Check out my bio for a link to my Masterlist!

Author’s Note: Thanks again to the lovely @greghouse for commissioning this one. I’m sorry it got away from me and ended up being so damn long! I really hope you enjoy! Still a couple more parts to come...

*****

The next six days flew by alarmingly fast, in that way that time does when certain doom is looming around the corner. No sooner had Jess cruised into the parking lot behind Rick, having collected her car from outside the bar where she’d left it, than she was climbing into the cab of his truck after work the following Friday, ready to make the long drive to her parents’ place. He’d picked her up to take her to the office that morning, tucking her holdall down behind her seat, and now he was sliding behind the wheel, rubbing a hand over his face, a frisson of nervous energy buzzing in the air around him.

“You ready for this?”

“Not remotely,” Jess admitted, sucking in a deep breath. “Are we crazy for even trying this?”

“Probably. You’ve already told your mom you’re bringin’ someone though, right?” At her nod, Rick squared his shoulders, the image of a man preparing to meet his fate head on, and Jess tried to ignore the flex of the muscles in his arms as he drew himself up. They’d both showered and changed at the station at the end of their shift, and he was clad now in worn jeans, which seemed to sit sinfully low on his narrow hips, and a dark shirt. She couldn’t quite decide if it was blue or green, but it brought out the colour of his eyes so perfectly that meeting his gaze felt like diving headfirst into the ocean. Jess found that she was honestly caught between a feeling of pride that this was the man she was taking home to meet her parents and frustration that he didn’t actually belong to her, and she was going to have to try her best to remember that when she was putting on the act for her family. “I promised I’d do this for you, so I’m gonna,” Rick went on, decisively, and Jess felt a glow of warmth for her friend. “Just try not to leave me alone with them, okay?”

“I swear.”

If she was uncharacteristically quiet on the drive up, then Rick didn’t call her on it, instead leaving her to her thoughts. The radio was tuned to some generic country station, one of his guilty pleasures, she knew, and occasionally he would sing along or drum against the steering wheel in time to the beat. Traffic, once they got past Atlanta, was light, and they made good time, rolling the windows down when they reached the open country and letting the cool evening air flow in. At one point, Rick’s phone rang, and he put it on hands-free, chatting easily with his son for a few minutes, catching up on Carl’s week at school and discussing the latest episode of a series they’d both been watching.

“Sorry again about this weekend, buddy,” Rick said softly before he rang off. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“That’s okay. I’m sleeping over at Jamie’s tomorrow night now. He just got the latest Playstation for his birthday last week!”

“That sounds fun. I’ll call you on Monday, okay?

“Okay, Dad. Bye!”

“Bye, buddy. I love you.”

The line went dead, and Rick smiled to himself, casting a sideways glance at Jess who was watching him with guilt written over her face. “You were supposed to have Carl this weekend?”

“It’s fine, Jess, don’t worry about it. He’s a good kid; he understands.”

“He does?” Jess frowned. “What exactly did you tell him?”

“That I was helpin’ out a friend.” Rick’s smirk went some way to putting her at ease, though she still hated that he’d lost valuable time spent with his son. He’d been struggling to bond with the boy since the divorce, she knew, and she didn’t want to be responsible for making the situation worse.

“I wish you’d have told me.”

“You’d have told me not to come.”

“Yeah, I would!”

“Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you.” He fixed her with a pointed look before turning his focus back to the road. “It’s done now. Besides, we’re nearly there.”

He was right. They’d reached the border of her old neighbourhood, and Jess found herself growing jittery, her excitement at seeing her family after so long warring for prevalence with her anxiety over the story they were about to spin. The sensation only heightened as the truck rolled to a stop in the driveway of her childhood home. Nostalgia hit her like a tidal wave at the familiar sight - the rope swing that hung from the beech tree in the front yard, the handprints pressed into the concrete path that curved towards the porch - and she swallowed hard, suddenly feeling very much like the young girl that had hurried up those same front steps as she got home from school. As if sensing the depth of her emotions, Rick reached over to rest a hand on her knee, the warmth and solidity of his touch grounding her, at least for the moment. He was reassuringly calm, on the surface at least, and she clung to that with everything she had, knowing that, if there was any way she could make it through the next couple of days, it would be with this man at her side. There was nobody she trusted more.

“You ready for this?” he asked again, just as he’d done before they left the station, but this time she nodded. “Alright then. Let’s go.”

By the time Jess had slipped from the truck, Rick had already rounded the vehicle to reach her side, slinging his own bag over his shoulder so he could grab hers too, ignoring her attempts to take it from him and carry it herself. Instead, he laced his free fingers through hers in a gesture that felt surprisingly intimate and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead, almost like he was slipping into character, and, if she shivered at the brush of his lips, she would blame it on the cold that had rolled in with the gathering dusk. “Here goes nothing.”

As if on cue, the front door of the house flew open, and Jess’s mom appeared, waving eagerly at the couple as they made their way along the path, and they’d barely made it up the porch steps before Jess found herself pulled into a tight hug that smelt of floral perfume, pot roast and apple pie. She melted into the embrace, releasing her hold on Rick’s hand so she could wrap her mother up in her arms and squeeze her tight. It really had been too long. But, all too soon, the older woman was pulling away, turning her attention to her daughter’s handsome new beau. “So, you must be Rick?”

*****

Watching Jess reunite with her mom had filled Rick with a warm glow, and he’d been happy to stand back and let the women get reacquainted. Their similarities were evident immediately - apparently Jess had her mother’s eyes, the same skin tone, and the same dark hair, though her mom’s was cut shorter and streaked with grey. Even so, the obvious likeness put him at ease, and he couldn’t help but wonder what it was that Jess had been so worried about. This woman didn’t seem all that scary - or so he thought. Then she turned her full focus on Rick, and those warm hazel eyes narrowed with suspicion as they raked over him, taking him in from head to toe until he felt like a bug under a microscope, small and insignificant and bound to be found wanting. “So, you must be Rick?”

Drawing himself up to his full height and channelling the disarming confidence that he’d been told made him so good at his job, Rick took a step forward, holding out his hand and fixing a crooked smile on his face. “Yes, ma’am, Rick Grimes. It’s a pleasure to meet you at last...”

“...Jayne.” She took his hand, her grip far stronger than he would have imagined her capable of, and he stooped to kiss her cheek, playing up to the role of doting son-in-law that he’d once been so good at. He could do this, he told himself. Lori’s parents had adored him, pretty much from the start, and he was certainly better with people now than he had been as the gangly teenager he’d been when they’d first started dating. He just had to hold it together, let Jess take the lead, and it would all be fine.

Following the two women into the house, he dropped their luggage inside the door, reaching for Jess’s hand again, though whether it was part of the act or a way to reassure himself he couldn’t say. Perhaps he was just making the most of having an excuse to indulge in the thrill of her touch, because it had been so long since he’d been allowed to reach for any woman like this, let alone one that he spent far too much time battling his desire for. Either way, he had to relinquish his hold on her once again when Jess’s father eased himself out of his armchair in front of the television, opening his arms to his little girl. “Jessie! How are you, sweetheart?”

“Daddy!” The eagerness with which Jess fell into the older man’s embrace told Rick that she was a daddy’s girl through and through, and he could understand now why she hadn’t wanted to miss the celebration, even if the stress of it had almost been too much for her. “It’s so good to see you!”

“How was the drive up? You made good time! We weren’t expecting you for another half hour.”

“It was fine. Rick drove us.” Her father’s gaze slipped past his daughter, landing on Rick where he lingered in the doorway to the living room, and, as he had on the porch, he felt painfully aware that he was being scrutinised. “Rick, come say hi to my dad.”

“Sir.” Rick strolled across the room, his bow legs keeping the movement far more casual than he felt in the moment, and, for the second time in just a few minutes, he found his hand clasped in a biting grip. “This is a beautiful home you’ve got here. Thank you for havin’ me.”

“Please, call me John.” Planting his hands on his hips, the threat of a frown darkened his features as Rick looped his arm around Jess’s waist, relieved when she pressed herself into his side as he’d hoped she would. He definitely felt more comfortable doing this when he had her close. “Can’t say we weren’t surprised when our Jessie told us she wanted to bring someone. First we’d heard that you were anything more than a friend.”

“Yeah, I can see why that might’ve been a shock. I guess we’ve both gotten into the habit of keepin’ things quiet. Comes from workin’ together, y’know? Don’t wanna make things uncomfortable at the station.”

“Sounds like you expect to be breaking up sometime soon if you’re worrying about things like that. Not exactly a solid foundation to build a relationship on now, is it?”

“Dad,” Jess chided him quietly, but Rick dropped his touch to her hip, squeezing gently, a silent communication that it was okay.

“John,” he started before feeling Jayne’s gaze on him, too, as she circled round to stand beside her husband. “Jayne. I know it must seem like we’ve been keepin’ secrets from you both, but I want to assure you that it isn’t like that. The truth is, I care deeply for your daughter. In fact, I think she might just be the most amazin’ person I’ve ever met, and I want this to work, more than anythin’. But, the fact is, sometimes things just don’t work out, and I don’t want to do anythin’ that might make either of our positions untenable if that should be the case, because… I honestly can’t imagine not having Jess in my life.”

It was a good speech, Rick knew, even without any prior preparation, though, if Jess asked him about it later on, he would lie and tell her he’d practised it, just in case they’d needed convincing. The fact that most of it was the honest truth lent a certain credibility that he wasn’t sure he could have faked, even if he’d had months to rehearse. Still, the look she was giving him right then, blinking up at him with a fierce intensity that took his breath away, was one hundred times more satisfying than the acceptance painted over her parents’ faces.

“I told you he was a good one, guys.”

“You certainly have a way with words,” Jayne conceded. “Now, it’s getting late. The two of you must be hungry. Follow me.”

*****

The conversation over dinner was, thankfully, relaxed, with Rick regaling Jayne and John with stories of some of the weirder scenes he’d been called out to whilst on duty, and Jess filling them in on the few days she’d spent in Charleston recently, catching up with an old school friend. It gave Rick the opportunity to draw breath for a moment, let his guard down just a little, and he found he was almost enjoying himself as Jess’s hand crept over his where it rested on the tabletop and gave his fingers a reassuring squeeze. Jayne, it turned out, was a phenomenal cook, and Rick, who had been mainly existing on takeaways and TV dinners since he’d moved out of the house he’d shared with Lori, was especially appreciative, wolfing down two helpings of both the main course and dessert, unable to resist swiping his finger through the lingering traces of ice cream in his bowl and sucking it clean. He honestly couldn’t remember a time when he’d last felt so content.

“You want some help with the dishes, Mom?” Jess asked when Jayne stood to clear the table, but her mother just shook her head, collecting the empty glasses and moving them across to the sink.

“No, that’s okay, sweetheart. Why don’t you go on upstairs and show Rick your room? I’m sure you’re both tired after that long drive, and on top of a full day at work too.”

“Exhausted,” Jess admitted, and Rick grinned as he watched her stifle a yawn. He’d noticed how she seemed to be flagging by the end of the meal, slumping lower in her seat, eyes taking on a slightly glazed look, though he thought that might have been down to the wine that John had opened as they sat down to eat. “You sure you don’t mind?”

“Plenty of time to muck in tomorrow when the rest of the clan arrive,” Jayne pointed out, “and you’ll need your rest before then. It’ll be a madhouse!”

“Just the way you like it.” Pressing a kiss to the older woman’s cheek and then moving to do the same to her father, Jess bid them both goodnight.

Their footsteps were muffled against the thick carpet as they climbed the stairs, Rick once again clutching both of their bags. The upstairs corridor was lined with solid wooden doors, and Jess led him to the one at the far end, pushing it open with a flourish.

“This is us.”

The first thing Rick noticed was the bed - just the one, of course, and didn’t that bring ideas to mind that he had no place thinking about when this was all just for show. Not only that, but it seemed to be a queen size, a small double no more than about four foot across. If they decided to share, it would be almost impossible to do so without coming into some sort of close contact, and his mouth went dry as he tried to cover up the flush creeping up his neck by shifting his gaze to scan over the rest of the room. It reminded him of a hotel, impersonal and adorned with several canvases on the walls, country scenes in muted colours. If he’d been trying to imagine what Jess’s childhood bedroom looked like, this was definitely not what he'd pictured.

As if sensing his train of thought, Jess giggled. “Yeah, my folks changed it into another guest room when I moved to King County. Guess they figured I wouldn’t be coming by to visit as often. I think most of my teenage angst is now in boxes in the garage.”

“You were an angsty teenager?”

“Oh, of course. Obsessing over celebrities that I’d never meet and boys in my class that were way out of my league, writing dark poetry about my secret pain, scribbling in my journal about how misunderstood I was… You’ve got all this to come with Carl, y’know?”

Rick grunted. “God, don’t. I can already feel the waves of resentment comin’ off of him whenever I pick him up. Like I’ve single-handedly ruined his future now that he’s from a broken home.”

“There’s nothing broken about it,” Jess assured him. “So, you and his mom aren’t together anymore. You both love the bones of that boy, and I’m sure he knows it. Hell, you’ve gone out of your way to be civil to Lori, despite everything, just to try to make things easier for him. One day he’ll thank you for that.”

“Maybe.” The mood had shifted, becoming sombre, and Rick shook his head, as if he could shake off the bad thoughts, forcing a smile. “I like your folks. They seem like good people.”

“They’re the best,” Jess agreed, dropping down onto the bed and stretching out. Rick averted his eyes from the slither of skin that was revealed as her t-shirt rode up, busying himself with unzipping his bag and pulling out a couple of shirts to hang in the built-in wardrobe before they got so badly creased that they’d need to be ironed. “They went kinda easy on you tonight though. Tomorrow, when my aunts and uncles arrive, and my happily married cousins and their kids, that’ll be when the interrogations start.”

“Right, the, er, hyenas… That what you called ‘em?”

“Yep. And you’re fresh meat, my friend. They’re gonna eat you alive.” Rick swallowed hard, and Jess giggled, rolling to her feet so she could close the space between them and wrap her arms around his waist. It felt natural to hold her to him, her head on his chest, breathing in the faintly fruity scent of her shampoo. She was warm and soft, and, if he hadn’t been so afraid of rejection, unwilling to risk the friendship he’d become so dependent on and make it almost impossible for them to continue to work together, he was sure he would have given into temptation and kissed her. It would be so damn easy. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave your side. We’ll get through it together.”

“Thanks.” Rick couldn’t manage more than a single syllable with her still pressed up against him, almost relieved when she pulled away and moved out of reach.

“It’s the least I can do. I still can’t quite believe you’ve given up your weekend to do this for me. I mean, you’re here, meeting my parents in the house I grew up in, and it feels…” She tailed off, and Rick tried to puzzle out the look on her face as her eyes held his for a brief moment before dropping to the floor. “I guess, it feels kinda right, actually. I’m really glad you came.”

*****

Jess wasn’t sure why it hadn’t occurred to her that she and Rick would be sharing her old room. Why wouldn’t they be, after all? As far as her parents were concerned, they’d probably been sleeping together for months now, and she was an adult - there was no way they were going to demand that the two of them sleep apart under their roof. Still, now that they were dancing around each other, taking it in turns to slip into the ensuite bathroom and ready themselves to turn in for the night, she was struck by how small her bed was and just how hard it would be to lay beside her friend and not reach out and touch him. She’d already faltered once, unable to resist resting her head against his chest and just revelling in the sensation of being held by him, because it had been so easy after an evening spent either holding his hand or with his arm draped around the back of her chair. Thankfully, she’d managed to brush it off as an attempt to reassure him about the arrival of the rest of her family the next day, but she wasn’t quite sure he bought it, and she definitely hadn’t been able to convince herself.

“So, erm…” Rick’s soft drawl drew her attention away from where she was plugging her cell in to charge, and she glanced up to see him hovering awkwardly in the middle of the room, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “If you’ve got a spare blanket, I- I can crash on the floor.”

She could see a hint of pink creeping into his cheeks, and she smiled despite herself, a little relieved that his embarrassment drew her focus away from his lack of clothing. He slept in boxers and a t-shirt, apparently, and the sight of his bow legs without their standard covering of denim or beige uniform pants had butterflies springing to life in her stomach. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I, er- I didn’t think you’d wanna…” He cast a sidelong look at the bed before his gaze flicked up to meet hers and quickly away again, and she didn’t think she’d ever seen him so uncomfortable. “I mean, I didn’t wanna assume…”

“Rick, it’s fine.” She set her phone down and cocked her head to one side, watching as he studied the rug beneath his feet. “I’m not gonna make you sleep on the floor, okay?”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.” He didn’t look at her as he slid beneath the covers, making a concerted effort to take up as little space as possible, though she could feel his eyes on her as she turned off the light and shuffled across the room to slip in beside him. Her arm brushed his and she felt him twitch away from her, so she did it again, intentionally, letting out a giggle when he rolled onto his side. “Look, this… It doesn’t need to be weird. I mean, we’re friends, right? I hug you pretty much every day, and we’re gonna have to get comfortable with the whole physical contact thing if we’re gonna convince my family we’re madly in love or whatever. I think we did okay tonight, so... maybe it’s just easier if we carry it on behind closed doors too; try not to overthink it too much, y’know?”

“You…” Rick cleared his throat, tucking one arm beneath his head and fidgeting a little against the unfamiliar mattress. “You wanna keep up the act all weekend? Even when we’re alone?”

What was she saying? Jess knew that it was her turn to blush now, and she caught her bottom lip between her teeth, ducking her head to avoid looking at him as he stared at her incredulously. It had gone so well with her parents that evening, far better than she’d ever dared to hope, and there was a lingering fear in the back of her mind that, if they let it drop now, they wouldn’t be able to slip into their roles again when they needed to. So, she’d spoken the words before she’d really given herself time to think them through, casting around for ways to ease the tension, and she couldn’t take them back now, despite knowing how much harder it would be to go back to reality when the weekend was done. Instead, she found herself nodding, inching closer to him until her chest brushed against his. Her hand crept up to rest against his waist, thumb stroking over the soft fabric of his shirt, and then he was pulling her into him and cuddling her close. And it was just like the other times they embraced, she tried to tell herself. She’d hug him hello and goodbye whenever she saw him, naturally tactile, and this was exactly the same, except that they were lying down, curled together in the darkness, the only sounds their ragged breaths and pounding hearts.

“Yeah, this… this works,” Rick murmured, and she felt the rumble of laughter in his chest, tilting her head up to see his crooked smile.

They lay like that for a long time, and Jess knew why she wasn’t sleeping, wanting to make the most of every moment that she got to be with him like this, but she could sense that Rick was still awake too. Neither of them spoke. And then, in the early hours, when the day finally caught up with her and with the soft thrum of Rick’s heartbeat pressed against her cheek, she finally gave in and let sleep steal her away.

*****

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#the walking dead #the walking dead fanfiction #rick grimes #rick grimes fanfiction #rick grimes x oc #rick grimes x ofc #twd #twd fanfiction #lost in the act

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calypsoff2 · 2 years

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One Hundred. Part 2

Watching Robyn as she just sat there, she didn’t move at all. Sade said for us to have a break and just take a breather, but I am annoyed with myself, I can never just shut up. I always got to talk some shit and that is my bad, I cannot help but say it. My mind doesn’t even think, I just say it and it’s a bad trait for her. I think she has had enough of me, and I fear she will leave me if I don’t stop, I need to at least give people a chance to speak and I never do. I always have to make my point of view the right one and that is just me, I don’t purposely mean to do it but yet I do, I need to change before I lose her and I really don’t want to lose Robyn, I don’t think I could handle that at all “do you love her?” I jumped at Sade behind me, turning around “of course I do, I would never do half of the things I do for her to anyone else, I love her, but I am a jerk” I said truthfully, she laughed “I am glad you admit to your bad side, but you need to change that side, she is fine. I have worked with many people that a far worse then Rihanna, and she will be ok but it’s most concerning that her therapist put her on such a thing. She didn’t need to be on that and having those types of medication come with consequences and she is still feeling it but she will heal” nodding my head “that is all I want, I want her to be better for herself, and the kids” Sade smiled “and you” she walked off, she needs to stop clocking me like that. She really doesn’t take or put up with my shit, she will close me down in an instant without a care in the world “hi Rihanna, would you like Chris to sit in or would you like him to go, I want to speak to you” poking my lips out, I hope Robyn says I can stay because I mean, I would like to know too, she keeps things away from me at times “so you’re ok for him to be here, that is good. Chris, shall we start again” oh she actually does want me there, I am happy now. I don’t mean any harm to Robyn; I will always ride for her.

“So I got the basics of the relationship, what is happening with you both, so I want to speak to you individually but together. This is a safe space for everyone, and Chris you need to respect that Rihanna is allowing you to be here in her safe space, equally with you Rihanna you’re in Chris’ safe space. This is a place where we don’t judge, so we don’t speak over one another, we want to listen. Listening shows care, remember that. So let’s take it back and speak on Robyn, how was life for you?” Sade asked her, I want to hear it. I do not mind it at all “happy, I have so much fun, happiness. I love Barbados with my whole heart and its home, it’s my peace. I go there to get away from everything, the world because the world can be cruel, it can be too much for me. Me and my cousins had so much fun together and I have nothing but happy memories with that but then I have the bad with my parents, seeing my dad abuse my mom. Seeing the hurt, the arguing, the physical hurt. I erm, I had a hard time seeing and hearing that and I found it hard to love my dad because of that. Thinking back and thinking of the bigger picture, my dad did actually love me. I remember the hugs, the time he gave me, he did love me, but I couldn’t split the two. The husband and the father because he was a bad person, I couldn’t do it but when I look back and I split the two, he did love us kids, and he was a good dad but not a good father” she said, “so seeing that did it make you fearful of men?” Sade asked her “in a way it did but my mother also did put the fear in me about men, then because in that moment I thought my dad is bad. He didn’t love us I thought every man was the same, and it was not a way of thinking. It really wasn’t, so as I grew up I saw men as shit, I did. It made me so angry with them, then when I went to America I uhm, met someone” I laughed because it was me, it was me she met, I couldn’t help myself. Looking at Robyn and she was just staring at me, let me just stop “you did, and we spoke on how that made you feel. So let’s speak on the period where you left America?” She asked her.

“Yeah so uhm, I had to come back from America early because my grandma Dolly was ill and she sadly passed, I feel like losing Dolly I lost myself. She was the love I craved with my mom, I love my mom with all my heart, but she is strict with me but Dolly, she gave me that love and it was honestly the best time of my life, you know. So losing her, I lost myself and I stayed in Barbados which then led me back to New York where I started my career, alone” Sade is very understanding, you can tell she listens to every word spoken and she cares “alone, so you arrive in New York. How did that make you feel? I mean the big question was, did you even want to be famous?” That is a good question “no, if I could design clothes in the background I would. I felt the grace of god protecting me in New York because I felt unsafe every day there, I was hunted, talked down too. I was a foreigner in a country where I was alone, nobody was here for me, so I was scared. I didn’t like these old man touching me, which over the years made me the person who I am now” Robyn explained “did anything happen that ever altered you in any way” closing my eyes praying she says nothing happened because I know how weird these men can be with young girls “I don’t want to talk about it” I breathed out “that is ok, so you got to the point where you was with your ex?” She asked “yeah, Rakim and I were better off as friends and maybe it’s because I am a damaged person, but I don’t know. I could never keep a relationship down really, and I think being assumed I am a whore, and that fact that narrative was put out there was nasty. I don’t know why I seem to have that title and yeah, I just want to forget about life really, things. Chris is the better parent and I’m just me, you know what I really don’t want to be here, I don’t want this” she got up from the couch, watching her walk off. Sade didn’t say anything but just write things down, the door banged shut “we hit a nerve, and I think we need to give her space so Chris. I want you to really listen to her, she may open up to you also, so remember that. Give her space and time, and please listen to her. Don’t speak over her and be there, she may not feel comfortable to speak on what has happened to me, but it may be not the case for you. I think we have done enough for today” Sade laughed; I think we have. She is right but my mind is a mess.

Robyn hasn’t come out of her room, but I am cooking, not the best cook but I will try anything, and I am doing that right now. I am making pasta and I know Robyn is the best at it, but I am trying this thing, I think I am doing well, I think anyways. I can cook for the kids; I mean the kids like anything. They will eat anything too, which to me is funny because that could taste terrible, but they will eat it. I do miss going to the studio, I miss singing actually. It’s weird because I didn’t think I would miss such a thing, but I do, I miss the whole vibe, I miss escaping. When I am writing and singing that is me escaping from reality, I am very artistic, and I am able to do that with singing and writing. With the fact I write my own stuff, I am making a lot of my own money and I am proud of that. I can be my own man, seeing Herb is calling. Answering the call and placing it on speaker phone “nigga” I said down the phone “nigga” he said back “missing me?” I said laughing “you are one clingy nigga; you miss me don’t you. I thought I would check on you, how is things?” least he asks, he is a good brother to me “erm, slow. But it’s progress, every day is progress bro. How is Chicago. How I the Wright family?” I wonder if he is back yet “I am loving it, I love seeing my family, I love getting the love from them here and my mom and pops asking when you coming, when is the big bro coming. I said he on some shit right now, just buy his songs and he will” I laughed “ayo, they family now. Listen I am going now before I burn this food, I need to concentrate on this, I ain’t the best cook, you know me, speak soon ok?” I am losing my thoughts, I need to not burn “check you bro, aight. Peace out, speak soon” he put the phone down, you would think with three girls I would learn but I didn’t. I would put them in front of the TV so I could concentrate, I prefer cooking chicken, anything chicken related that is me.

Robyn is sat with me; she actually came out of the bedroom. I am glad she is here, she is eating my food “erm, the food isn’t your standards or anything but just know I tried” I said defending the food I made, I know she is judging me “it’s nice” she said “don’t have to lie to me, I don’t know what seasoning I put in the sauce, I used them all” Robyn nodded her head “I can tell” I sniggered “well it’s edible, I mean I could have ordered something in but, I paid for this stuff to use. Can’t let it go to waste now” she shook her head “no it’s nice, honestly” I will take that “erm, I appreciate that you have come out to eat and sit here” I said, I have to say it because I do appreciate it “I can eat what I can eat, you know” she put her fork down “and that is a start, that is fine, it is better then bread” I smiled “true, so did you like Sade? How do you feel that she said you didn’t need medication, but you was put on it?” she seems ok to talk, I don’t know why but she is comfortable “I am comfortable, but then Judi or whatever said safe space too, can you trust these people but it’s different this time. With you there I know it’s safe” oh she is seeing the light “I mean what I say, I want you better” I do mean it “but the kids will be better without me too” she is still on that “I will let you think that, then I guess you ain’t going to hear Imani’ new song she got for you” I had to say it “she does?” so she does care “mhmmm, she is holding out for her mother, she threatened me that I can’t say anything bad about what’s my name but she has a new favourite and sang it pretty well, but she calls it her new song” Robyn smiled “momo is sick of her singing too, she is so bright now. The kids want you, I am just fun dad and that got boring, but I am proud to see how far you have come, even though Jay Brown is on my ass, you know your record label” I laughed “I do” she said in a whisper “but we good, we will get through this” it is progress, to see her like this is making me so happy.

Pushing my plate forward a little, I of course ate everything off my plate “I said to Sade that I want to change, and I know with my mouth and how I am, it will take work, but I am willing to do that. I called her for that reason. I miss my friend, I miss her so much because at the end of the day you are the best friend I got, even if I didn’t like to admit to it, you know everything. You foresee it all but yet I want to go through shit, I don’t listen and that is my downfall. I am taking fault and I want you to see that, I want you to hear that too” she is listening “I like Sade” she said, that is a good thing “she’s good isn’t she” looking away from Robyn, I miss us so badly “I am a damaged person” Robyn said, looking back at her and I was going to say no you’re not, but I stayed quiet and just thought instead “why do you say that?” I asked instead of deflating the statement that she just said that, she sniffled and then breathed out “I hide it well, the title whore was put out there by men that was older then me because I turned them down but there was a man Chris, and I have never spoke on this. Not even Mel, and I tell Mel my world but this was locked and hidden because I was ashamed and really naïve and pressured, but was I pressured” her voice broke “I was sixteen and he was, he was around and I always said I didn’t but I jut feel hindered by it” I don’t want to hear it really, I can’t even right now “he didn’t know I was virgin and the only thing he said to me was sorry” my heart dropped and she wiped her tears “he was old, probably old enough to be my dad but I was so lost. I was naïve, I was stupid, and I asked for it” getting up from the chair “you didn’t Robyn, you was a child” leaning down and hugged her “I always lied about it but he took what was mine and I let it happen” this is horrible to hear. I lifted Robyn up on her feet so I could actually hold her properly, I didn’t speak a word and just let her cry it out but she’s never said this to anyone, I can’t even deal, this is so sad on her end because she was a child “I am so sorry that happened to you Robyn, I am so sorry” she didn’t deserve that.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Chrianna Fanfic #Chrianna Fanfiction

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misledyouth222 · 2 months

Text

Over My Head (Better Off Dead) - Sum 41

I am a really bad friend. Unless someone’s in front of me all the time, my follow through is non-existent.

I met probably my bestest friend that I’ll have ever had in my entire life freshman year of high school. We hit it off right away - she was a friend of a friend, and we very quickly squashed the mutual friend and were basically inseparable. We had almost everything in common (my musical tastes leaned more hardcore and pop punk, hers more radio rock that was popular in the early 00s), shared the same insecurities. We were both introverts who stayed home all weekend and watched Invader Zim together in the phone.

We ended up dating another set of best friends junior year. I had a huge thing for mine for the entire year before, and during the summer started hanging out more and things fell into place. His best friend went to a different school, and they became closer and things fell into place. That summer && the following months were a blast. The four of us did (almost) everything together. My parents with their strict af outlook on parenting, I did miss out on a lot when they would hang out just the three of them, but I was used to it, and always got the recap of the idiot things they did.

While me and my boyfriend broke up by Christmas, she and her boyfriend went strong af. We were all still friends though, I just wasn’t “his girlfriend anymore” (literally nothing else changed, I slept with him constantly for the next two years). We went on our senior beach trip together. The first time I got drunk off margaritas was with them, at her older brothers house who supplied us our supplies.

We graduated, and spent the summer hanging out. I was going one place - she was going another. She and her boyfriend came over the night before I left, and as much of a happy face as I put on, I was so sad to be leaving her behind.

Her mom passed around spring break. I had already planned a trip to go to the other coast with my ***~^stupid ab*s*ve boyfriend who cut me off from all my friends I went to college with~~^***, and knew I couldn’t make it. I was devastated I couldn’t be there for her, but there was no way to cancel this stupid fucking trip without a huge blowout argument, full of threats that I’d be all by myself without him (bc he drove all of my friends off).

Things weren’t the same after that. I didn’t have a car, so that summer was spent in my childhood bedroom, talking to no one bc I had no one left. I didn’t know how to talk to her again without feeling a huge load of guilt on my shoulders, and she didn’t call. We kept up through social media, but never really hung out again.

She got married to her high school sweetheart on their 10th anniversary, in the summer. I hadn’t seen them in so long, and had just finally rid my life of the ^**~~fkface!**~, and was determined to make this friendship work again. I was an adult. I had a car. They didn’t live that far away.

I didn’t talk to her again until our very lame (I cannot believe I even went to this goddamn thing) 10 year high school reunion. She texted me, asking if I was going (of course we still had the same numbers from high school), and I told her I was on the fence but would if she did. We went, it was the lamest thing I’ve ever participated in. They met my now husband, and really liked him. We reminisced about high school, like the time we played strip poker on vacation, and the time her husband gave us a fashion show in some skirt he found lying around the house. We promised to keep in better touch. She went home, I went home.

Out of sight, out of mind.

I haven’t talked to her since, it’s almost been another 10 years. We keep up on social media still - she’s a nurse now, and looks so happy with her nurse friends and they go on fun, adult adventures like baby showers and bridal things. I go on juvenile adventures with my husband and right here friends, and we double-tap each other’s posts.

My best friend in the world is a stranger now. I was convinced that we’d be friends 4eva, be each other’s maids of honor at our weddings, act stupid and do stupid shit together until we were old and gray and senile.

I know that I can reach out, god knows she’s still got the same number from high school (as do I). But I feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness, because I didn’t keep my end of the bargain up. Sure, she didn’t either, but in a way it was my turn to start again, throw the feelers out, reach out more. It was me who said, and I quote, “I fucking miss you, let’s do this more often, not under the guise of a lame ass high school reunion.”

I don’t know if she misses my friendship as much as I do. Probably not, as most normal folks move on with their lives, and I have the said trait I inherited from my mother of constantly thinking over the past, wondering what would have happened if this went this way, or that went that way. I wish this was the only example of my shitty friend-ness, but it’s more of a beginning of a sad road of scorched earth I’ve left behind.

If she texted me tomorrow, I’d be there in a goddamn heartbeat. ❣️

(I had to edit the fuck outta this entry. I did not know my life was so ~*ScAnDaLoUs*~)

#pity party #bad friend #bad day #cause you had a bad day #high school reunions are dumb

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destineeallison · 4 months

Text

Random things I wrote between 2007 and 2016

Originally Re-Posted on Facebook on Various dates.

Dreams and aspirations, serve only to torture.

I live my life on a canvas; each day as another little stroke of the brush, adding up to the final big picture. Color and full of highlights, in all of my finer moments and dark shadows, for the moments I fell short.

There's emotion to every work of art What does this life convey? A deeper meaning behind every success, failure, and missed opportunity.

We live like notes bending and folding over the musical scale I am the high while you stay low

We live like melodies surrounding each other.

We are the music, everyday we change.

We fit a mood set by our minds and actions.

We feel the way our sounds do.

Embrace the beauty within us as one.

Put us in motion and we are forever changing, forever progressing, forever fitting.

Put us together and we drift, sway, and hiccup along these scales we call our homes.

While filling the empty sounds, we follow the leads of the metronome.

Silence cannot break us, Silence is our enemy in this war we call a song. Every sound in our ensemble, perfect together as one,

The rhythm we follow is what will hold us together, if we act as one, folding and bending over our shared scale.

What if every morning we woke up as a new person, knowing the past, of who we've become. What if every morning we woke up with new emotions, forgetting the ones that haunt us from where we once came.

Right outside the sounds are empty, and time is moving slowly. I'm anxious for something to come and sweep me away. Taking me to a new place, full of sounds, and actions. A place where the next step is always right around the corner.

We're one big play on words game. You tell me yours, and I'll recite back mine. We coincide so well, our words mixing together as opposites attracting. In one Idea, that I want you, and you want me, gone.

Reality is not a dream, and dreams are not real. So why do we live reality as getting everything we "dream" of, setting high expectations for ourselves, only to fall short in the end. We know that things never go as we plan, completely. Yet, we still live within our dreaming mentality.

It's amazing how someone can look so calm and peaceful on the outside, but you'd never guess the chaos and chemicals raging in their body. I guess you just have to look for the signs hidden in their eyes.

Inner-peace, happiness, self-love, selfless love, self-respect, serenity, a positive attitude and an open mind are necessary, and they all start and end with you.

Attain what you can for the benefit of yourself. Money and material won't make you feel rich, just momentarily privileged.

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

Dependency is nothing but a burden.

Make your own choices,

Do things that take courage.

You won't find happiness, sitting at home, wishing your life was better.

I'd take your breath away,

but I don't want to watch you suffocate.

I'm here to lift you up,

I'll breathe in the life you're missing.

The only one not going,

Family members always hospitalized, I thought it was another scare.

Quickly I learned that it's real you're unconscious, and because of the timing I can't be there.

I hope you know I love you. happy birthday bitch, it's life, I called to say what's up, letting you know you're brothers suffering and sometime this week hell be laying in a coffin.

Alcohol weed pills uppers downers we can try to numb the pain but one day when we're at work hiding from reality we'll turn around and catch her sucker punch to the face. She'll hit you so hard you lose your breath and no matter how hard you try you'll lack any ability to control how hard you cry . She'll take your life your pride your family, have you selling your soul. Anything to keep hold of the heart hardly beating.

I'm sorry, but The pain I feel isn't even that you're gone, it's the pain that your death left with mom.

She said she's feeling empty. it's untouchable And I have no control over her emotions. it's eating my inside that all she wants is to see her little boy alive. Death takes a toll and it's collecting on our mother, 60 years old, outliving her mother, son, and younger brother.

I visited the house we grew up in today. Seems like just yesterday you were helping take care of us. Look what became of is, siblings that never speak, holding on to grudges because of silly things, and our stubbornness to accept help when we need it the most. I know you lost hope. I saw it in the house, the cement floors and holes in the walls frank, why didn't you call? Any of us, we're family, I hate myself for turning down my mom sending me out here. I hate that I let you live alone, you were barely surviving, not living a life but making it by till you died. I feel infested, and not from the roaches, but the feelings I can't even bear to lock into. Frank, I love you, and I hope that you're in a better place, of peace and grace. As we lay you to rest our family will do their best to say their goodbyes one last time, just know that you will never be forgotten. Rest in peace, big brother.

I felt I couldn't cry till I saw your children walk in the chapel to witness the tree fallen that once held the apple. As the tears stream down the face of our mother, I can't help but notice laying in that casket is not a man I know as my brother.

Over the years, as we may have grown apart, our siblings grow old with each time the sky gets dark. It's not a matter of I love you, or the anger we've all felt, but the times that we need each other, we're there, still kids in our minds forever avoiding life's belt.

Don't jump so fast to clench another by the throat if your judgments impaired, leaving you unaware of intent. Listen to the words and view cues within how the body language curves before you fire back with your anger.

I hate the need to explain, when the understanding isn't there.

Why waste my time dumbing it down?

I know you're locked in on a blank stare.

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ketso · 2 years

Text

Episode 22

I'm going to watch the NFR Legends play today. My beautiful wife and I received an invitation to today's game. But unfortunately, I will have to go alone because our daughter is still too small to leave her mother's side right now. Thuli has never been in support of having a nanny. We struggled a lot with Khumo. She was a screamer - not even a crier. My wife was overwhelmed and I was travelling a lot for work. But she never wanted a helper or a nanny. She opted to rather go home and be helped by her mom. But now, if Khumo is not with her, she is with me. That's what Thuli wants and I happily give her everything she wants. If it's in my power and I can give her whatever she wants, I don't ask twice about it. I just do.

"Papa! Papa! Papa!" Khumo chants as I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. Thuli is preparing breakfast. Khumo is in her feeding chair, keeping herself busy with some toy.

"Hello my princess", I say to her as I pick her up from her chair and spin her in the air using my hands.

She's laughing. She's happy. She's growing. She's grown me as a man. She's grown our family. This small little person has had the most significant impact in my life, in my wife's life, in the Mabote family and in the Serame family. She brought two families together by building our family of three. She's perfect. When I see her laugh, I feel like she's taking her position in our lives and in this house... I want for nothing.

"Hello! Your wife is here too." Thuli says to me. My queen.

I laugh, hold my daughter close to my chest, and I kiss my stunning wife. My queen. I use one arm to pull her in towards me. This is my home. These two miracles in my life have made me the most divinely favoured man walking on earth.

"You look nice. And you smell nice", Thuli tells me. We bathed together then she just wore a sexy short dress and sandals. I'm dressed in jeans, sneakers and the team's soccer shirt and cap.

"Thank you, my love. Are you sure you cannot come with me?" I ask her again.

"Ingane yakho, sthandwa sami. She's too small to be in a crowd like that."

"I spoke to Fifi. She said you can chill in the family box. We will be the ones in the grandstands."

"Fifi will also be there?"

"Yeah. Reahile is coming and they are bringing the twins."

Now I see her thinking about it. Then she looks at Khumo.

"She's over a year old now. She's strong." I say.

She takes a deep breath then says, "fine. Let me get dressed and get her dressed too. There are threats of rain, so I need to make sure she's fine for that."

I kiss her.

I'm actually happy. I love showing my beautiful family off.

...

We are at the stadium now and it's already full. Khumo is in my arms, in her little NFR tracksuit and sunglasses. My mom bought her these sunglasses and she takes them everywhere. They make Thuli laugh so much. I just think they are cute. Her tracksuit top is with her mother. She has the tracksuit pants on and a soccer shirt. My cute baby girl. Thuli has her baby bag where she also stuffs a lot of her things in there too.

People want to take pictures with me, but I'm with my daughter and my wife. Their safety is my priority. I'm not stopping to take pictures with them. I'm very rude right now because my goal is to get my wife and my child in that family box quickly and safely. I look to make sure that Thuli is still okay because I've had to let her hand go and hold onto Khumo with both my hands.

"I'm here, baby. Keep going." She says.

I literally looked away from Khumo for two seconds. Now she's crying. Her sunglasses are lost. I can't even stop to look for them.

We get to the booth finally. Khumo is still crying. I try to calm her down. Thuli is very irritated too.

"I'm sorry, love. Are you okay?" I ask Thuli.

She nods her head.

I kiss her.

She catches her breath then takes Khumo from me. Now she's calming Khumo down, and Khumo finally calms down.

Reahile walks into the booth angry. He has one of his twins with him - the daughter. Mohato walks in holding the other twin. That twin is crying. I just hear Mohato telling people to fuck off. Fifi and Zari walk on quite annoyed.

These women look very pissed off. But the kids look happy to see each other. They all seem to be calming down around each other. Us gents greet each other and our women also greet each other well, complaining about the crowd and just how forceful they are... not paying any mind to the kids.

Leruo walks in with his three boys. Fortunately, they can just walk in. Nomzamo walks in behind him. He greets us and it's my beautiful wife with her warm spirit, that gives Nomzamo a hug. Nomzamo looks like she wants to cry. Renay walks in alone holding one child by hand and another in her arms.

"The fuck, man! Those fucken lunatics!" Renay says.

"Mommy! Don't say bad words. You owe me money for the curse jar", Lethu.

We are all very grateful to Lethu because Leruo's three boys are traumatized.

"Well, I'll owe you more money because I need to swear some more." Renay.

"Hai! Hai hai Hai!" All of us men say and the ladies laugh. Now they greet each other. Renay is weird with Nomzamo.

"Leruo, this is how you disrespect my friend now?" Renay.

"Renay, awukahle. I've dealt with enough for today. Paula doesn't have an issue with Nomzamo. Why do you have an issue with her?" Thuli, my lovely Mrs Serame.

"No, Thuli. It's wrong. If it were Tee-le, I'd protect your honour the same way."

"Please don't. If I don't have any issues with Tee-le marrying another wife, you shouldn't lose sleep about it neither. Let's rather respect Paula by respecting her decision and position about this and in all of this. Hai bo. Mina anginayo i-energy yokubhekana nayo yonke le nto. Khona manje my child is having a meltdown because she lost her favourite sunglasses. Please." Thuli says.

There's silence.

"Nomzamo, let's go sit down", Thuli says, turning around to go find a seat. But her eye catches Khosi who is standing next to Mandisa and is weird to see us. Thuli is suddenly uncomfortable. Nomzamo notices and stands next to Thuli. Everyone stands next to Thuli.

"Sanibonani", Khosi.

We all just look at her.

"Let's go sit down, Khosi", Mandisa says to her.

"Kancane Mandisa, please." Khosi says to her sister then looks at Thuli.

"Thuli", Khosi.

Thuli gets a bit uneasy.

"Yinhle kakhulu ingane yakho. Siyakubongela. Ifana mpela noyise." Khosi.

Thuli is still silent.

"Singakhuluma? Ngiyakucela?" Khosi.

"I'm not ready, Khosi. When I'm ready, I'll let you know." Thuli.

Khosi nods her head and says, "Okay. I'll be here. Waiting. Ngiyakucela Thuli, I just need a few minutes. That's all."

Thuli nods her head.

Now Khosi goes to find a seat.

As Thuli takes a deep breath, Ndalo walks in with Phendulile and her new baby. Phendulile sprints to Thuli and hugs her, screaming, "AUNTY THULI!"

I think I underestimated the history that my wife has around here. I actually feel bad about asking her to come here now.

"How are you, my boy?" Thuli asks him.

"Good. I miss you." He says.

Thuli just smiles at him. I take Khumo from her.

"Hi Thuli", Ndalo.

"Hello", Thuli.

"It's good to see you. Yinhle ingane." Ndalo.

"Congratulations on your new baby too", Thuli.

The other teams' WAGs start streaming in and when they notice the tension, they show that they notice the tension.

"My parents saved a spot for you with the bosses. Let's go", Reahile. Only now I realise that he's been on his phone the whole time. Thuli, Renay, Fifi, Zari and Nomzamo leave with their kids. Us men follow them to the bosses' box.

After we drop the ladies off and I'm satisfied that Thuli won't be going through the most while I'm watching the game, we are asked to go into the changing rooms and have a moment with the gents before the big game.

...

I arrive at Banathi's home. I need to pick him up then we go for rugby training. He still lives at home then he travels to campus every day. His parents gave him a club as his breakthrough into business. My parents gave me a petrol station.

"Uncle Zee", I greet his dad.

"Ey, Bane. How are you, son?"

"I'm good. Hi Aunt Tlali", me.

"Hello. How are you, nana?" She calls us all nana and honestly, we are too old for that name.

"I'm alright thanks." Me.

They are having breakfast with Mndeni. He's in high school still - matric. I think he’s Khanyi’s age – that or they are a few months apart.

Banathi comes down the stairs dressed and ready for practice.

Before I can say goodbye, Aunt Tlali is putting a plate of food in front of me.

"Aunt Tlali, we have to go. But thank you." I say.

"You not leaving until you at least eat something." She says.

"Both of you. Hlalani phansi", Uncle Zee.

Banathi and I look at each other. Then we sit down at the table because honestly, what else can we do?

"When do you guys leave for your game in South Africa?" Uncle Zee asks us.

"Tomorrow evening. But the two of us will drive there and not be on the bus with everyone else." I say.

"Why? It's such a long drive." Aunt Tlali.

"Muntu wami, ufun’ ukuyo-checka lo. Khanyisa is in South Africa." Uncle Zee tells Aunt Tlali.

Banathi and I laugh.

"But guys, it's a long drive. You need to rest before your games. Why don't you just go with the bus anyway then when you are that side, you get an Uber to go see your girlfriend?" Aunt Tlali.

I suggested this. But I look at Banathi to explain to his parents why we are insisting on the drive. He briefly clears his throat then says, "We are travelling with my girlfriend."

Uncle Zee smiles with so much pride at him. Aunt Tlali looks angry.

"Uhlekani, Zithulele? Is this funny to you?!" Aunt Tlali.

Uncle Zee just looks away and laughs anyway.

"Ey wena, Banathi! Wajola?!" Aunt Tlali now shouts at B.

"Mah, he's been dating. Come on now." Mndeni.

Aunt Tlali is about to have a heart attack.

"You will be on that bus tomorrow!" Aunt Tlali.

"Baby, that's unfair!" Uncle Zee.

"They have to rest, Zithulele. I won't have a tired son on a rugby field with a high likelihood of getting injured just because of some girl." Aunt Tlali.

"Then we'll get them a driver. It's not that serious." Uncle Zee.

"Why are you promoting this?!" Aunt Tlali is angry yaz... and a bit too emotional if you ask me. Banathi fucks a few girls. So what?!

"Banathi is a grown ass man. Of course, he's fucking a girl or two". Yoh, Uncle Zee.

"ZITHULELE!"

We are all quiet now. Uncle Zee is still laughing about this situation.

"Are you at least using condoms, ndoda?" Uncle Zee asks Banathi.

Banathi is so scared of his mother that he cannot even respond.

"Well, I know you are scared of your mother and we will probably have to have this conversation without her. But I hope you are. Because if you make your mother a grandmother at this point, you will really be fucked." Uncle Zee says.

I can't help but chuckle. I'm scared of Aunt Tlali too. I wouldn't even be here with him to break those kinds of news.

"Eh baba, let's go. We are going to be late." Banathi says to me.

We actually just both run out of this house.

I parked my car at his place and we are using his car to get to practice. He drives a Jeep Wrangler.

"Your mom really thought you don't have a girl?" I ask him, laughing. He's driving and I'm on the passenger seat.

"My mom thinks Mndeni and I are kids. Even Mndeni is fucking some girls." He says and we laugh.

"They should've had at least one girl to keep her busy and understanding because shit will get real when she finds out that Mndeni has already taken some girl to an abortion clinic." He says and we laugh again.

"Dude, Mndeni needs to slow down. He's faster than all of us, but he doesn't protect himself. These girls can do more than just carry babies. He'll get sick", I say.

"I've told him that. I even told my dad. My dad is taking him out to talk to him about this today. He needs to calm down." He says.

I nod my head.

"What did Mohale say? Are we fetching him or is he getting to practice himself?" He asks me.

"We are fetching him", I say.

He nods his head then says, "I want to see Reba after practice."

Rebaboni is his girlfriend. The main one. He has a few sides, but she's the one he plans to marry and will dump anyone if she so much as sniffs that he's cheating.

"Ja, it's fine." I say.

"Maybe you can keep yourself busy with Lungi." He says.

Lungi is the girl I smash. I don't love her. I love Khanyisa. But Khanyisa and I are not together at the moment because she's saving herself for umemulo and I have sexual needs.

"Not today. You know I prefer to abstain for at least a week before I go and see Khanyisa. I'll see Lungi when we come back to the kingdom." I say.

"Khanyisa is a child, man. She's even younger than Mndeni. What you are doing is wrong." He says.

"She's eighteen. You can actually relax. Next year she's in university too. But at least I'll start dating her properly when she's twenty-one and we can actually have sex."

We laugh.

"But honestly, after that umemulo shit of hers, I'm marrying her." I say.

"You know, you can't talk about umemulo then call it shit. It's a very sacred practice where she will be transitioning from a girl into a woman. Kwa-Zulu she will be considered of age to be married. The fact that she's preserving herself for that and she respects that so much, she's gold. Maybe while you wait to smash and marry her, you should educate yourself about why her journey to umemulo is so important so that on that day, you know how to celebrate her. This is huge." He says.

I'm so grateful he's Zulu so he can tell me this.

"You must educate me, then, B. Khanyi is special. And if I have to turn Zulu just for her, I will."

He looks at me.

"You, jackass, are whipped. And you not even smashing. What are you going to be like when you actually smash?" He says and we laugh.

We get to the royal house and Mohale is here waiting for us already. Good. He just gets into the car then we head to practice.

...

Practice was great. We spoke about travelling and all of that. I don't know how we will be travelling because Aunt Tlali is against us driving ourselves. I'm not affected anyway. I'm going to see Khanyi.

We get to Rebaboni's home and park at a park because her dad is a madman who believes her daughter is untouched by a man. Banathi phones her to come to the park where we are waiting for her.

I pull out a smoke, step outside the car and start smoking.

"Tshepo and I fought", Mohale tells me. I guess he needs to talk. I was planning on phoning Khanyisa and just checking her. But hey, let me listen to men issues. I tend to forget that Mohale is gay from time to time. He's not the flamboyant and over-the-top-trying-to-prove-a-statement kind of gay man. He's a guy and can hang out with men and not make us feel uncomfortable. He just has issues with Tshepo instead of Tshepiso.

"What happened?" I ask him.

"He thinks that I'm ashamed of him." He tells me.

"Why?" I ask.

Reba arrives and she's with Lungi. I didn't want to see this girl at all. I really didn't. Now I must act like a boyfriend to her a day before I see Khanyi.

"Hey guys", Reba greets us.

"Hi", Mohale and I say.

"Hey", Lungi.

"Hi." Me. We are all talking about Tshepo today.

Reba and Banathi walk away from us.

Lungi tries to hug and kiss me, but I don't return the hug and move away from the kiss. I know she's going to accuse me of being cold in front of Mohale, but it's fine.

"You were telling me..." me, trying to tell Mohale that I'm still listening to this story.

"He says I don't take him to family things or any events because I'm in the closet and I'm ashamed of him." Mohale says.

"Oh, so it’s a crew thing? Because Khabane treats me the exact same unless he wants sex." Yoh, Lungi.

"We are talking about me here." Mohale. Also, he's very catty. Sometimes, that's what gives his gay away.

"Well, are you ashamed of him? Why does he never come around?" I ask him.

"Why don't you ever take me anywhere?" Lungi is going to annoy me. I don't even know why she's here. I never said that I wanted to see her and I know for a fact that she's not friends with Reba like that. They just formed a fraternity, thinking they are Real Housewives of Tholoana Kingdom. Now they annoy us.

"Mohale?" Me.

"Ay, we'll talk later. I'm not doing this with whatever this girl is to you." Mohale.

"This girl is his girlfriend." Lungi.

"That's not how the family sees it. You might want to tone it down a notch." Mohale.

I feel like I'm hanging out with Ruri and Rena. Ay!

My phone rings. It's Ruri.

"Hello?" I answer her, walking away from these two because Lungi was already giving me one hell of a look as if demanding an explanation to what Mohale said. I'll deal with her when I come back. Not now.

"Bane, where are you?" Ruri asks me.

"What do you need, Ru?" Me.

"Please come pick me up?" She says.

"Where are you?" I ask.

"At the mall with Rena. We were watching movies with friends." She says.

"Who took you there?" I ask.

"Aunt Thabi. But now her phone is off." She says.

"Okay. I'm coming. Wait for me at a restaurant."

"I don't have anymore money. We both left our bank cards at home."

Why would they do that? Did they not anticipate the unexpected? I guess they are only eleven. It's an unfair expectation.

"I'm sending you money via e-wallet. Be safe when you take it out." Me.

"Okay. Thank you." She says.

I hang up.

I send her R1500.

I dial my dad. I don't have a car, so...

"Ey, Bane." My dad.

"Papa, Ruri and Rena are at a mall. Aunt Thabi dropped them off, but her phone is off now and they can't reach her. I don't have a car with me because we are using Banathi's car. Are you close enough to fetch them?"

"Ja, I'll go fetch them. Thanks, son."

"Sho. I sent them money and told them to wait at a restaurant."

"You did good. Thank you." He says.

"Okay, shup."

"Shup."

The call ends.

...

Ndalo and I have another child. His name is Hlangnani. He is growing and he, just like Phendulile, means the world to me.

The gents came to revive the team before we played our game. Shack and I are the only two left from the infamous four known as Shack, Leruo, Tee-le and I. It shows. There are things that only Tee-le and Leruo can do that no one else has been able to do. Bangz is a good player, but we miss Leruo and Tee-le.

We managed to win today's game. The team was motivated I suppose. But it's not the NFR Legends that we used to know. Shack and I are retiring at the end of this season. Bangz is moving to a team in South Africa and a few people will not have their contacts renewed. Mfundo is on a "new blood" drive, so naturally, our time is up!

"Uyanda".

I look at Ndalo.

"Kunini ngikubiza. U-right?" She asks me.

"I'm fine." I say.

"Are you sure?"

I nod my head.

"Khosi wants to take me out to lunch", she says.

Not Khosi again. Is she that committed to being friends with women in my life?

"Khosi? Of all people?" Me.

"She and her sister are the only people nice enough to not treat me like the face of the end of the Thuli-and-Yaya love story." She says.

Whatever!

"Do you know what oThuli did? They just left to sit with the bosses because we are regarded to be beneath them. Cabanga baby! And you know, asimenzanga lutho! Or what? Are Khosi and I supposed to not go and support the Legends?" She goes on.

"What exactly happened?" I ask. Clearly, I must participate in this conversation.

"When I arrived with Phendu and Hlangi, there was tension nje. Khosi then told me that she was just trying to have a conversation with Thuli and Thuli told her that she wasn't ready to speak to her. Kahle hle, uKhosi umenzeni uThuli? What? She phoned Suncity when you were out doing what you were used to doing vele - cheating on Thuli - then you came back and dump her. You are the one that didn't give Thuli the benefit of the doubt. Not Khosi. And knowing you, Uyanda Mbatha, you just needed an excuse to dump Thuli. Khosi just gave you one. But she did nothing to Thuli. Nothing. Instead, Thuli is the one who went for Khosi's man LIVE! Now she's married to Khosi's ex, has a child with Khosi's ex and now Khosi is the one made to feel like the bad person?"

Heh! Ja ne.

"Ndalo, kuzokusiza ukuthi ungakhulumi izindaba ongazazi. All you know is what Khosi told you. You haven't even asked me what my version of what happened is and you've already made up your mind ukuthi uThuli umuntu omubi." I say.

"Wena nje you are still drunk on Thuli, so anything that has to do with showing who she really is will not be something you are in support of." She says.

"Okay Ndalo. Be friends with Khosi. And when she starts doing to you what she did to Thuli, we will have this conversation again." I say.

"I know that Khosi is not perfect. But who is? Kwaloyo Thuli loyo has her flaws. She's the last person to not want to give people second chances... especially when she also participated in the breakdown of that friendship. Thuli thinks she's better than everyone and quite frankly, I'm sick of her. She walks around like she's the queen of Sheba, kanti the only thing that –

"EY! MUNTU WENKOSI! HAI BO!"

She looks at me.

"You don't like Thuli. I get it. Mara mina ngikhathele ukudla uThuli la endlini. Everyday sisutha uThulu la endlini. Or yini? Are you feeling guilty that you are living in her house and married to what was supposed to be her husband?"

She slaps me across the face!

Fuck! I felt that.

"Why ungijwayela kabi, Uyanda? Why? You were the one who was prepared to cheat with me and you did. I didn't force you into that relationship and I didn't rape you. You are the one who betrayed Thuli, not me. I didn't even know her. Now you feel guilty and you want to put that shit on me as if everything that has happened is my fault? This is exactly why I cheated on you. You fucked up with Thuli, but you expected me to carry that shit on my shoulders. I'll own up to my part of it. I participated in hurting her. I disrespected her. Vele, bengingamuboni in all of this - especially while her man was ejaculating inside of me. But unlike Thuli, I'm woman enough to admit my role in fucking up a situation. I don't look down on people and behave like the world owes me a favour and I'm too big to give people an opportunity to apologise to me if they feel they need to clear their conscience. I too, like you, used to think loThuli wakho is one in a million. But she's a bitch, Uyanda. I lived a little too close to her and I realized that she's a bitch. She may not own it the way that Khosi does, but it doesn't mean she isn't one."

After she has got that off her chest, I ask her, "Uqedile?"

She just looks at me.

I continue, "Let that be the last time that you EVER hit me. I'll fuck you up, Ndalo. I'll kill you and just fuck another woman into raising our kids. I'm Yaya Mbatha. I'm not out of options when it comes to getting a woman to do just about anything I'd ask of her."

"Uyanda -

"Shut the fuck up! Ngiyakhuluma! Ungishayile wakhipha isifuba sakho sonke angisho? Now, you listen to me."

She looks scared. Good.

"Furthermore, let that be the last time you EVER speak about Thuli in this house ever again. Thuli and I have a history that you'll never understand even if you tried. There's an appreciation that I have for her that you'll never undo in my life. Thuli did more for me in a month than what you've done in the years that I've known you. So whether you like her or not, YOU WILL RESPECT HER IN THIS HOUSE! Your own son cannot move on from her and he never missed you when he was with her!"

Now she's hurt. Good. How dare she!

"And Ndalo, if your friendship with Khosi is going to motivate you to disrespect me and talk shit about Thuli, it will be a problem. You are a wife and you are a mother. Ziphathe kahle, MaMbatha."

Now I walk out of the bedroom and make my way to the playroom where my boys are chilling. I hear Ndalo crying, but I'm not going to comfort her at all.

I find both my kids passed out in their playroom. I pick them up and go put them in their beds. They must be tired. I understand.

When I'm done, I make my way to the TV room and decide to watch football highlights.

"Hi", she texts me.

I smile.

"Hey you." I reply.

"What are you up to?" Her.

"Just watching some football highlights. You?" Me.

"Just thinking about you. I love the flowers you sent me. Thank you." Her.

"Yeah well. I was online trying to find something as beautiful as you. But nothing matched up. Flowers were my best bet." Me.

"So you've got my entire office covered in roses? Lol! Sweet, but people are looking at me funny." Her.

I reply, "I'm sorry. It's the things you make me do. What time are you knocking off today?"

"Uyanda, what are you up to? Why are you asking me that?" Her.

I actually laugh.

"Just one more surprise I had delivered for you. It's waiting for you in your parking lot." Me.

She doesn't reply.

I assume she has gone to the parking lot.

After a few minutes...

She phones me.

I'm already laughing.

"Sthandwa sami", I answer the phone.

She's screaming.

I laugh.

"You are a crazy man, Uyanda Mbatha! What the fuck?! A whole Ferrari ?!" She screams again.

"You said you liked it. And you said it was your dream car and you specifically said that you wanted it in a golden yellow colour. It took me forever to source that, girl." I say.

Now she's crying.

"Hai Thabi, don't do that." I say.

"I just don't know what to say. No one has ever been this nice to me." She says.

"Not even the king himself?" I ask.

She just cries.

"Listen baby, enjoy your car. I'm going to see you this weekend. We are still on for our trip, right?" Me.

"Yeah. I told Ona that I'm travelling on official royal house duty. Sonia is keeping him busy. He won't miss me." She says.

"Okay then, babe. I'll see you this weekend."

"Shup."

We hang up...

Yes yes yes. She's older, but she's hot. She's a queen, but I'm just her size. I'm looking forward to making her happy. She's too beautiful to be anything else.

I look behind me just to make sure that Ndalo wasn’t listening. I'm not worried about Ndalo finding out that I'm cheating. I wouldn't care if she did. It's Thabi that I'm worried. She has everything to lose if this comes out. And that nutcase she's married to will probably kill me or banish me from this country. So the secrecy is for her... and my life.

0 notes

privateonlinediary · 2 years

Text

Feeling worthless

So I had been talking with you for 2 weeks straight, everyday. We would snap each other pictures of everything we did, we talked about almost everything, and said goodnight and good morning to each other.

You were in Italy for 3 weeks because of your job. And we decided to meet up in real life when you got back since your mom, dad and sister were out of town. Plan was to just hang out, sleep there, and then go to the gym together for a nice workout.

I really started to grow on you but was really nervous to meet you in real life because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me. But we had the best time, we just talked, laughed, watched a movie, cuddled, and then ended up having sex as well since we already kind of had this tension building up over the 2 weeks that we spoke daily through text.

The next day we went to the gym, which was also very nice. The plan was for me take the train before you had to pick up your sister from the train, so you wouldn’t have to introduce me to your sister, since it was our first time meeting up etc. which I understand.

But during the car ride you told me that even though you had an amazing time with me, you weren’t looking for anything serious, because of your job/housing situation, and because of past relationships where you got fucked over. I was under the impression that you actually was open to the idea of something serious so this kind of upset me because those two days we spend together really got my hopes up. I ended up crying a little bit and you noticed even though I tried to hide it. I could tell you were having a hard time seeing me like that and you felt really bad about it. You’re too much of a good guy not to care.

When we got to the train station you also broke down. You started tearing up because you hated seeing me like this. You said you hadn’t cried like that in 2-3 years. I then too started crying again because I really didn’t want to see you like that. We hugged/cried for a long time.

That’s when your sister approached the car, who was way earlier than she mentioned. This made everything just super awkward. Nobody wants to get caught crying.. right? I got out of the car while the both of us were still crying, awkwardly introduced myself to your sister who was putting her bags in the back of the car, and then I said goodbye and walked off. As I turned away to walk towards the train station I just lost it but I had to keep walking.

When I got on the train we texted about the situation, and it turned out that the reason you don’t see anything happening between us is also because of our 4 year age difference, and because of my unstable job/housing/mental situation. You were being honest about everything which I appreciate A LOT... but it still hurts. You’re basically everything I look for in a guy, personality wise, appearance wise, hobby wise, everything.. so it hurts to know that it will never work out because of my age and because of my unstable situation right now.

I cried the whole 3 hour train ride back home. You later on said you sat in your car not being able to speak to your sister, and crying for about 15 minutes before being able to drive home. I felt so sorry about making you feel that sad, but I cannot hide my true feelings. I had to be honest about them.

You said you would still very much like to have me in your life, and you enjoy my company. You still want to talk with me, play video games, and go to the gym with me. and I would love that too.. but I am so afraid of developing more feelings towards you if we continue our contact.

I feel so broken right now. I just don’t feel like I will ever be good enough for someone. I’ve been hurt so many times and whenever I do meet a genuine guy, I am not good enough. Makes me feel so worthless. What’s the point of living if this is how I’ll be feeling for the rest of my life? I just can’t see the positive side of life anymore. I just feel so stuck. I don’t even have the balls to just end it.

0 notes

caitimetravels · 3 years

Text

she’s insignificant

chapter 2: welcome home

the umbrella academy x (fem) reader

disclaimer: i do not own the plot/storyline of the netflix tv series and i do not own the umbrella academy characters.

warnings: mentions of death, mentions of drugs and alcohol, poor parenting

masterlist

“number eight! this is serious! if you do not train properly you will not be allowed to join your siblings on missions.”

“number eight! that’s not how you behave!”

“no, number eight! how many times must you do this before you get it right?”

“no! not like that, number eight! you must be quicker, smarter, stronger! you’ll be a liability”

“no! again, number eight!”

“number eight!”

she wished it was stop. the yelling. the shouting. the insults. the pain. the training. all of it. her head hurt. she could feel the anger swirling around, growing. control. she needed control. relax.

she took a deep breath. again. again. she pushed herself over and over until she collapsed. she worked herself to the bone only to always be left with disapproving stares. the scowl. the glare. and then she was alone, forced to pick up the broken pieces and put herself together. she didn’t have her other siblings. their family dynamic wasn’t much of a family dynamic but just once she wished one of them could be there. even just to see what she was going through. it hurt that she was alone. she hated alone.

--------------------------------------------------

“um..” luther slowly stood, unsure. “i guess we should get this started” he looked around at his siblings sitting in parlour. they all sat separately with klaus making drinks at the bar in the back.

“are we having a family meeting?” y/n stepped into the room, confused. she paused as realisation crossed over their faces. “..you forgot me”

“sorry, y/n, we didn’t mean-” allison started, trying to defend them. y/n shook her head.

“no, no, don’t apologise. it’s okay.. let’s just get this over with” she waved off any concern, taking a seat beside vanya. in her lap sat a familiar book.

--------------------------------------------------

“you’ll be okay” ben spoke softly, gently bandaging y/n’s arm. he gave her a small smile. the pair sat in the back of the library, secluded and separate. the others were too wrapped up in themselves to care.

vanya stepped over a moment later. she frowned at the tears on y/n’s cheeks. taking a seat beside her she offered them the cookies she had stolen from the kitchen. they weren’t meant to have any until dessert but ben and vanya found this much more important. y/n sniffled, taking the cookie in her good arm.

“thanks v” she gave a watery smile, eating a big bite of the cookie to stop the sobs about to escape her mouth. ben and vanya shared a frown over her head.

“should we read something?” ben offered, pulling a random book off the shelf behind him. y/n merely nodded, she needed this to calm down her raging emotions. these two were the only two who understood. if her emotions went haywire so would her powers.

“hm, little women? i didn’t think dad would have this” ben smiled at the cover.

“pogo got it for me” y/n murmured softly, listening to her brother’s soothing voice as he read. she smiled, they were always able to calm her down.

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“so, i figured we could have some sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown, say a few words” luther started again, “just at dad’s favourite spot”

“dad had a favourite spot?” allison asked, confused.

“yeah, you know. under the oak tree” luther nodded, eyebrows furrowing. “we used to sit out there all the time.. did none of you ever do that?”

“will there be refreshments? tea, scones” klaus interrupted, walking to join them with a cigarette between his fingers and a glass of alcohol in his other hand. “cucumber sandwiches are always a winner” he waltzed over beside y/n who smiled at his laid-back attitude.

“what? no” luther shook his head, “and put that out, you know dad didn’t allow smoking in here”

“is that my skirt?” allison questioned, looking down at klaus’ attire.

“what?” he mumbled distracted. he put his glass down before turning around. “oh, yeah, this. i found it in your room. it’s a little dated but its very breathy on the.. bits” he gestured.

“listen up” luther put on his leader voice, commanding as usual. “there’s still some things we need to discuss, alright?”

“like what?” diego snapped, obviously sick of this.

“like the way he died”

“and here we go” diego rolled his eyes and luther glared at him.

“i don’t understand.. i thought they said it was a heart attack?” vanya spoke up, confused. klaus plopped down onto the couch now, wrapping his arm around y/n.

“what? he had a heart attack?” y/n’s eyebrows furrowed, she hadn’t been told that. they all looked at her, surprised.

“you didn’t know?” allison asked softly,

“no? you did?”

“that’s only according to the coroner” luther chipped in, still pushing his theory.

“well, wouldn’t they know?” vanya raised an eyebrow.

“theoretically”

“theoretically?” allison asked.

“look, i’m just saying at the very least something happened. the last time that i talked to dad he sounded strange”

“oh, tell us please” klaus gurgled through his drink, not at all serious. y/n would have laughed if she didn’t see the real reason luther was bringing this up. he thought one of them did it.

“strange how?” allison continued to push, incredulous.

“he sounded on edge, told me i should be careful who to trust” luther frantically tried to convince them.

“luther” diego sighed, standing “he was a paranoid, bitter old man. he was starting to lose what was left of his marbles”

“no” he quickly shook his head, turning to him. “he must have known something was going to happen. look” he looked over at klaus. “i know you don’t like to do it but i need you to talk to dad”

klaus rolled around, disagreeing, “i can’t just call dad in the afterlife and be like dad can you stop playing tennis with hitler for a moment and take a quick call” he waved his cigarette around, sitting up and letting go of y/n.

“since when? that’s your thing”

“i’m not in the right frame of mind!”

“you’re high?” allison looked up,

“yeah, yeah!” klaus laughed, nodding his head, “i mean how are not listening to this nonsense?”

“well, sober up, this is important” klaus merely sighed, “then there’s the issue of the missing monocle”

diego scoffed, “who’s give a shit about a stupid monocle?”

“exactly, it’s worthless” luther was only digging himself a bigger hole, “so, whoever took it i think it was personal. someone close to him, someone with a grudge”

“yes, cause that’s all we need” y/n rolled her eyes, exasperated “more grudges”

“where are you going with this?” klaus narrowed his eyes, confused.

“well, isn’t it obvious, klaus?” diego sneered up at luther, “he thinks one of us killed dad”

luther opened his mouth to deny it but nothing came out. it was true.

“and i bet your top suspect is little y/n” diego pointed a finger right at the said girl. she froze.

“what?”

“you do!” klaus sat back, shocked.

“how could you think that?” vanya stared in disbelief.

y/n stood abruptly and everyone watched as her eyes turned black. the same way they used to when she had trouble controlling her emotions. they watched as she quickly shook her head, storming out.

“great job luther” diego mocked, “way to lead” then he begun to walk away.

“that’s not what i’m saying” he tried to defend himself but nobody listened.

“you’re crazy man, you’re crazy.. crazy” klaus stood too, picking up his drink. vanya went to walk away, following diego.

“i’m not finished” luther attempted to stop them.

“okay well sorry, i’m just gonna go help y/n murder mom, i’ll be right back” he commented sarcastically, walking away.

“that’s not what i’m saying-” it was no use.

y/n curled up beside ben’s statue, book pressed against her chest. she took deep breaths, trying to regain control. her breath came out shaky as she rocked slowly. eventually she relaxed, leaning into the side of the statue. her cheek pressed against the cold concrete. with a final sigh she looked up at him.

“hey..” she spoke softly, “i brought our book” she gave a weak chuckle, showing the statue the book she had been cradling.

“i finished again.. should i start again?”

diego stood in the doorway, watching her talk. he frowned, she was so sweet. it wasn’t her fault she was born with such a horrible curse. he understood why she got along so well with ben, they both hated their powers. it made training unbearable for them. she begun to read aloud, still leaning into the statue as she sat on the gravel covered floor. with a sigh he walked away, she would be okay, she just needed time.

time didn’t heal y/n, no matter how much she wished it would. she didn’t have anybody, everybody left her. she had to get over everything all by herself. her words started to come out stuttered, her voice cracked. slowly she begun to sob, tears wetting the pages of her book. she wiped them from her face, standing up. she had to be calm.

she spared one last glance at the statue before walking away.

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“number eight, you must always keep your emotions in check” reginald scolded, glancing up from his notebook. he scribbled something else, ignoring her watery eyes.

“b-but i can’t” she sobbed out, she was young. her siblings were allowed to show emotion why couldn’t she?

“then you are weak!” reginald snapped his book shut, raising his eyes to glare at her. the words shouldn’t have hurt as much as they did. she was never enough, she was always going to be weak. she needed to do better, to be better. to be strong.

“emotions, number eight” the girl supressed her smile at the name her mother had just given her. he wouldn’t even use it. her face fell blank.

“emotions, number eight” the girl took a deep breath, no anger. nothing. you cannot feel. she closed her eyes for a moment, controlling her urge to destroy something. she opened them to see a confused diego. this wasn’t how she was meant to react, he had stolen the ring her mother had given her. she just walked away.

“emotions, number eight” she caught ben’s eye across the table. he nodded softly. she breathed calmly, no dessert. she was weak, she didn’t deserve dessert. five frowned from beside her, looking between her and their father. something was wrong.

“emotions, number eight” reginald turned on her. she stood, hands gripping the table until her knuckles turned pale. how could he let five go? as she raised her head she heard gasps from her siblings. pogo and reginald shared a look as she glared at the latter, taking a moment to calm herself. it wasn’t working. she was struggling to keep her emotions at bay, she couldn’t supress them. “y/n..” vanya whispered as she ran from the table. she couldn’t do it. he was gone and she hadn’t stopped him.

“emotions, number eight” she couldn’t do it. not this time. she shook her head. her eyes filled with tears. she couldn’t. “number eight! emotions!” she shook her head again, all she could feel was pain. it was her fault. she let him die. her siblings must hate her. her father hates her. ben would hate her. she let him die. she watched him die.

“number eight! your emotions!” reginald’s voice got louder and she heard herself scream. everything was crumbling. he was gone, it was her fault. “number one, do it”

it was all.. her fault..

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on her way to the staircase she paused. her eyes lingered on the painting. five’s painting. she felt herself move without wanting to. she stepped into the room, looking up at her brother sadly.

“i’m sorry” she frowned, “i’m so sorry, five. i shouldn’t have let you go. i should have gone after you. i’m sorry, you must be so alone and i lied. i’m sorry for lying.. i should have done better, i should have listened to dad.. i couldn’t bring you back and it’s all my fault. it’s always my fault.. i’m sorry five, i’m so sorry..”

“sweetie?” she looked over to see grace. “who are you apologising to? did something happen to you?” the blonde robot walked over, glancing over her to see if she had hurt herself.

“oh, no, it’s okay mom” she smiled fakely, trying to reassure her mother. “i was just thinking out loud. nothing to worry about”

“oh, alright, sweetie” she smiled again, “how about something to eat?”

“i’m okay, thanks. i think i’m just going to rest” grace nodded, allowing her to leave.

she wouldn’t be okay, not until she could stop blaming herself. she took one last look at five' picture before she closed her eyes, trying to stop her tears. when she opened them she appeared in her bedroom. she quickly shut the door, locking it. at least in here she couldn’t do anymore damage.

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“number eight” reginald’s voice was disappointed but y/n couldn’t find it in herself to care. so what if she was a failure, she had always been one anyways. “you are no longer allowed to go on missions with your siblings”

she didn’t raise her head. he wasn’t done. this is what she deserved. “you will instead be working on locating number five”

she froze, staring up at him in shock.

“what?”

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a flash of blue light outside her window broke her out of her thoughts. she stood from her bed, glancing down at the courtyard. it couldn’t be..

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