I've written it plenty, but let me say it with my full chest after episode 10.

I DON'T LIKE MEW AND CHUEM.

They ain't shit. They suck. They are the worst. They are annoying.

Even the camera kept cutting Ray out probably to emphasize these two are basically the twins from The Shining.

This is not about the actors. This is fully about these horrible ass characters.

Mew refused to define his relationship with Top regulating Top back to the talking-phase, so when Top slept with Boston, they weren't actually dating. It's splitting hairs, I know. But I don't like Mew, so I'm being petty.

Then he acted like sex was some grand prize that Top had to prove worthy of.

Mew punched Ray in the club just so he could take his revenge on Top later.

He lit the papers on fire knowing that is Top's trauma.

Chuem and Mew are always such jerks to Ray then blamed Ray for Mew being a piece of shit after his breakup with Top.

He got Nick involved in his payback to Boston (like Boeing is doing to him, and I hope Boeing fucks everyone up!), only to get the sex tape and threaten Boston with it.

He told Top he'd give him another chance only to play games the same damn way he did before.

Oh, then Chuem!

She didn't care about Mew's boundaries regarding Top, and is super creepy about Top too.

She slut shames Boston all the time.

She is the only one keeping this project going, honestly, but she is quick to push her group members out the second she is unhappy.

She is the first to throw out that "friends don't treat friends this way" yet is the first one to throw verbal stones.

She lectured Ray as he was being arrested.

Chuem and Mew think they are superior to everyone else.

These might be 20-year old mistakes, but these characters still fucking suck.

I cannot stand them!

Let the sluts be sluts without all the damn judgement.

I think in some of the very deserved and justified sympathy for Ed we kinda lose the fact that there are several times in the first season where Ed hurts Stede significantly.

The stuff on the French ship highlights how Stede is unable to fit into certain spaces, no matter how hard he tries or how he’s been raised to it. Ed is quite charismatic, and he’s very good at commanding a room under any circumstances—Stede struggles with that. He already has experience of how things play out at parties like this (as he says later to Frenchie), and even though this should be a space where he’s in command, because he understands the culture and the rules, he’s still an outsider. A lot of his protests about going to the party are not just in protection of Ed, but of himself.

And Ed does actually participate in bullying him. He silences him when he tries to speak and mocks him for talking too much. We see pretty clearly that Ed knows how to cover his own discomfort, and he’s more easily led by the behavior of people around him, so none of it is deliberately trying to hurt Stede. But he does.

This all eventually backfires on Ed, who doesn’t realize for a bit how he is being mocked too, and Stede gets some of his own back on the aristocrats. But the catalyst is very much protection of Ed, not himself, and it’s never directly addressed the degree to which Ed was joining with the crowd and belittling Stede.

(Note: I think Ed gets this later, because he's so disappointed when Stede won't tell a story and increasingly includes Stede in things where it appears he's being sidelined—including encouraging Stede to have fun with his new fame.)

By the time Jack shows up, Ed has already become more self aware because he’s been safe to be. He doesn’t want to be a bully, and Lucius calls him out for being a bit of a dick to Stede. I won't get into the same points about Jack I've made before, but Ed is clearly more aware of Jack’s behavior being wrong. He's also torn between his desire to fit in and his awareness that he’s doing harm to Stede, someone who is his real friend and with whom he’s in love. He sees his own affinity with Jack and Jack’s behavior and tries to deny that it’s hurtful, then accepts that it’s hurtful but believes it’s something horrible in himself that he cannot change and so the only answer is to get out.

We could argue that Stede gets sidelined because he chooses to be—he doesn't want to do yardies or whippies or get pelted with coconuts, even as he could be included. But this is another kind of bullying, the insistence that someone participate in something they're clearly uncomfortable with because everyone else is doing it. Jack's behavior from the outset indicates that it would be very unsafe for Stede to participate if he wanted to, and Ed's dismissal of it when people are hurt further says that he's not going to protect Stede.

It’s an extension of what happens at the French ship, but more serious because Ed has come to see that this is not the man he wants to be but believes that he simply is. He’s ashamed, and his response to that shame is to think that he deserves it because he’s a bad person.

While the show doesn’t draw explicit connections between the two episodes, we do see Ed experiencing bullying and rejection in a space where he wants to be accepted, and Stede standing up for him in that space. And he sees Stede having the same experience, something that makes him ashamed of his own participation in it. Part of Ed's growth is in seeing that behavior as hurtful, understanding that he's participating in it, and having to decide whether that is the person he wants to be.

|| This Must Be the Place (Nanami Kento X Reader) ||

Reader was Nanami's classmate in Jujutsu High, surprised by his sudden return after many years away. this episode was horrible. I hope we can all collectively heal (or maybe just stop crying) at some point. 1.2 K

It's always easier to start something new than to return to the old. And Nanami Kento believed that too - at least he used to, until the new became a dreadful routine, and the old had crept back into his mind - creating a path back to the Jujutsu world.

He sighs. He does so often these days. It echoes through the halls he remembered a younger version of himself walking around in. It all looks the same, smells the same. These old worlds hardly change.

Almost as an answer to his sigh, the door he was walking towards swings open. "Nanami!" Gojo's voice cuts through the silence in the same way his loud voice always did, grabbing all attention to itself, "Hardly cut out for office work, are we?"

Nanami hadn't expected a long conversation, but hardly a few minutes have passed before Gojo's hand slapped harshly on his back, "There's not much to say, I guess, is there?" The white haired man's grin is as persistent as always, "You don't have to come back straight away, think about it again, if you need to." "I don't need to," Nanami says, fixing the collar of his button-up shirt. He had spent enough time thinking. He breathed out, lips curling up just enough for Gojo to notice. "Stay a while longer today, yeah? Shoko would love to see you, I think (Y/N) would too." And there it was, your name. Nanami had dreaded that moment since the first thought of coming back to the Jujutsu world had crossed his mind. -

Seven years ago.

White tiled rooms, fluorescent lights and the smell of disinfectant had always sent chills down your spine since the day you looked at Haibara for the last time. If only we had the privilege of being as sad as the first time we thought we were sad, you thought.

In the Jujutsu world, there was no hand holding. Sometimes you'd get understanding, sympathizing glances - and on the worst occasions soft I'm sorry's would escape someone's lips. But that day it was hardly enough. You tugged on Nanami's sleeve to drag him out of the room where he'd been sitting since the moment of the incident. In the state he was in, he couldn't protest. A few minutes later he found himself sitting on the training field with his legs stretched out before him, one of his hands grabbing onto strands of grass, mindlessly pulling them out one by one. "You blame yourself, don't you?" You hadn't meant to ask him, but the words had escaped your lips before you could think it through. He didn't answer. You hadn't touched before, but resting your head softly on his shoulder felt almost natural. You thought you should be the one embracing him, telling him sweet, encouraging words, but instead you found yourself comforted by him. With his arm around you and his fingers tracing soft patterns along your forearm, he sat and listened. You stammered along about all the unfairness, sadness and shame, while he uttered the same phrase over and over again.

"I know."

-

Four years ago.

You were aware of Nanami's intentions to leave after graduation for quite some time, and as a result prevented yourself from growing closer to your only remaining classmate. Nevertheless, for the remains of your time as a student, you tried your best. Get stronger, get better, don't be a burden. Every successful mission had fuelled the next.

Until one mission went wrong. It was a false assessment - the curse was far too strong for you to handle. And even when another sorcerer was sent to aid you, you still felt you barely left the place with your life.

Laying in the infirmary bed, waiting for Shoko, you heard hurried footsteps from the hall. "Are you alright?" Were Nanami's first words when he burst into the room, kneeling by the bedside. He grabbed your hand, it sent shivers down your spine, his fingers still carrying the same warmth and comfort you felt last time you touched on the training field. You only nodded in response. He released your hand to pull up a chair, easing into the relief he felt.

The silence lasted a while before he suddenly spoke. "This year's over soon," He took a moment to breathe before continuing, "I'm leaving."

He had mentioned it before, and you knew nothing you could say would change that, you stayed silent. "Come with me." You lifted your aching body to the sound of these words. In your heart, a sudden urge to say yes. Your mind rushed through its newfound feelings - drop everything, find another life, run away with him.

"I can never stop being aware of the pain curses cause, Nanami. I can't just start ignoring it, it doesn't work that way." You were always too proud.

"Yes, I thought as much." "I'm sorry." You mouth.

The conversation cuts short as Shoko enters the room.

-

The shock was only natural when your brain had finally registered Nanami Kento's presence in your vicinity. This man, again, in a Jujutsu High building, after he swore he couldn't bear to see it anymore. It's a relief to Nanami when you smile. He thought it's better to come see you first, before the rumors of his return will reach you. "I heard about it from Gojo," You admit, "But I didn't think you'd actually do it." For the first time for Nanami, the old familiarity doesn't feel like tension, but more like a sweet caress.

You strolled out of the building together, the nostalgia somehow acting as a glue, justifying the intimacy you felt. Almost out of habit, you've reached the training field, taking a seat on the stairs leading down to it. The both of you thinking of the same night you've spent there all those years ago. "I still think about him, you know." You find the courage to confess to him, "I find myself thinking the silliest things - what he'd think about some current events, or what comment he'd make about a bad haircut I got." You pause for a moment, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ramble like that."

Nanami's gaze is focused on the tree line, watching the shade they cast on the grass. He takes off his glasses to wipe them with a cloth. "I always think about him," he says, "I always thought that by this time he'd find the courage to tell you he likes you. That he'd somehow convince you to give him a chance, and like most, you'd find yourself giving in to his optimism."

The memories are painful but pleasant, "I don't think he'd have much of a shot there," You laugh, "I sort of liked someone else."

"Sorry, are you together now?" Nanami doesn't mean to let out a quiet, dissappointed chuckle.

You know what he means, but you can't resist but letting your gaze linger on his face for a little too long, before saying; "Yeah, we're together now."

-

Perhaps in all jobs, there's nothing much to love. We justify it all with the amounts of money we get, finding small things to rely on while we wait for our vacations. Nanami didn't vacation much, but when you first mustered the courage to press a small kiss on his lips, he thought it just as great as any trip. When his tongue found its way inside your mouth, he thought it better than the feeling of ocean water at his feet. When you first fell asleep in his arms, he swore no country's sunlight will ever be able to radiate such a pleasant warmth.

seeing this trend going around, so imma hop on it

House MD 2024 Headcannons

In an episode w/ a suddenly deaf person we catch Wilson listening to white girl music and singing along to it and house bullies him ("you know some people can't hear. You'd think they'd plug their ears too?" Or something)

In same episode house tries to see if they're faking being deaf by bringing in louder, more extravagant items (snap, clap, sudden scream, cymbals, air horn. Nothing works since the patient is deaf (and then for the last diagnosis is revealed to be deaf because of a blood clot blocking the signals from the ears or something))

Cameron slaps house

House gets a polyamorous patient, and through the std and slut shaming Wilson realizes some things (and then comes out 3 episodes later in his usual fashion)

chase gets called a man whore

Wilson gets called a man whore

Cuddy gets called a whore

Another really dramatic/gay Wilson scene. Probably about how Wilson is enabling house and how he is horrible because of it and house doesn't stand up for him or say anything about it. He does eventually but Wilson is upset for another episode or two.

Big reveal that Wilson is transmasc. House makes a joke about doing him, Wilson agrees, the ducklings™ feel scarred. (It doesn't happen tho). House drinks realizing he might be a little gay.

Chase is homophobic and Wilson assaults him (probably kicks him or punches his gut) for saying a cancer patient deserved it for being gay (like a specific kind of gay. Idk which, but probably a freaky kinkster. Huge talk with cuddy. House is there too.)

the twist of a knife

"I am the knife. I am all blade.” -Clementine von Radics

falling down symbolism rabbit holes isn't really my bag. unless it's laid out for the audience in crystal-clear terms that "yes, X was indeed meant to mean Y" (by the writers or the script itself), I don't dedicate much mental energy to those elements in my fiction.

but something about that knife- the visceral image of Pete gripping it by the blade for dear agonizing life was haunting me. I kept circling back to the opening conversation on the bed, and the moment where Vegas' rage went up in smoke- and again, that knife. then it hit me.

like knives forged just so, no one can hurt Pete or Vegas quite like they can. and not just because of their mutual vulnerability, their love, for each other- like @ellaspore said to me, how deep they get under each other's skin.

it's their fundamental struggles, their shame, who they are at their core: if people can be 'made' for each other, Vegas and Pete were also made just so to perfectly hurt the other.

the first blow came from Vegas. lying together in the afterglow, of all the things Vegas could say, he said: "you're just a fool." just four words- pretty benign-sounding, all horrible things Vegas has said before considered.

Pete didn't have some explosive reaction, either. and that makes sense- a quiet knife slipped between the ribs is too exact, too surgical for all that. instead, Pete turned his face slowly away from Vegas, suddenly lost in his thoughts- while Vegas, still grinning in lighthearted ignorance, followed his movement with his hand, stroking Pete's face. Pete's far away now, though, his gaze focused on the ceiling.

we start to see the damage when we cut back to Pete later. Pete- who just last episode was chastising Vegas for "being stupid" for hurting himself- now slaps himself in the face. "I don't like it. so why didn't I say no?"

the killing cut was delivered when Pete's worst fear- that all of this loss and fear and pain was for nothing- was confirmed by Vegas' attack. there was no righteous rage left in Pete, hollowed out by the realization that he "has nothing left."

in his compassion, in his curiosity about this wounded, broken man- he's afraid he's lost everything. who he is, what he stands for, his self-respect, his pride- he's been stripped bare. not just by everything Vegas has done to him, but by the depth of his feelings for him in spite of it all.

that one little phrase, those four little words from Vegas cut to the heart of Pete's fears: he's not only lost it all, some of those things against his will- but the rest was by his own submission. his own volition. the definition of a fool.

on the other beautifully-tragic side of the coin, Pete cut Vegas at his emotional knees in a way no one else could. even after abusing Pete, beating him, treating him so inhumanely- darkness can only run from the light for so long. Vegas found a sliver of genuine happiness just by having Pete in his sphere.

after a lifetime of wretchedness, of thinking this misery is all life has to offer, that there's no way out- Vegas' world started to crack open for the first time in that room.

seeing Pete completely lose his joy, his humanity, his will to keep going- and knowing that he was the one that caused it- was the only thing that could snap Vegas out of his rage. and it was the reality hitting of losing him that nearly broke Vegas. he is the monster- just like he always feared.

it's also not just the idea of ruining this man he's come to love- it's the ruination of hope. of a different way of living, existing, being. no one else could deal as deep of a blow- even though Vegas himself is really the one that dealt it.

and yet- and yet. just like the agonizing way Pete let that blade cut deep into his palm, invited it, even- they can't help but hold on to the sweet agony of their connection. even after freeing himself from his imprisonment, Pete is breaking apart. Vegas is leveled, shattered by his grief. they weep, they mourn- the cuts bleed.

sometimes, love is as much about grief as it is joy- to know that in a world that hurts so deeply, so frequently? the most vulnerable, aching parts of you are at another person's complete mercy.

that they hold your heart in their hands, and you can't just take it back. there's rage there, sometimes- shades of desperation, too.

horrible, beautiful, cruel, agonizing love- like the twist of a knife.

Okay, so, I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this so I don't get in trouble with creation or violate any of the rules. But I have to share what happened at my meet and greet with Misha on Sunday at VanCon and how that led to this insanity during the Jensen and guests panel...

So a little bit of background, I'm one of the administrators on the Twitter and Tumblr account for the Winchester daily updates (@thewinchestersupdates , @twdailyupdates on Twitter, give us a follow if you don't already!) Which means I've read all of the press that's come out related to the Winchester's. And it's very well documented that before Jensen and Danneel started chaos machine productions and came up with the Winchester's idea, that they had a little rewatch pilot with Misha to watch Lazarus Rising (Jensen first talks about filming it during the rosenbaum podcasts audio linked below)

https://twitter.com/acklesbitch/status/1483370216029622279?t=CMpzsuG6rYbbDk22r3q3hQ&s=19

So of course, being a fan of Misha and the Ackles, I knew this weekend I wanted to ask someone about this zoom call they filmed! So in my m&g with Misha I asked him basically (in a jumbled word salad cause I was nervous)

"In press about The Winchesters Jensen's talked about a lazarus rising rewatch you guys did during quarantine so (1) will y'all be sharing the video and (2) how was it rewatching your episode?"

And this man says "there's video? What?"

And then the m&g room all say it's a podcast and blah blah blah (I'm pretty sure it wasn't a podcast cause Jensen talked about filming a pilot and building a set but whatevers 🤷‍♀️) and Misha looks so confused and has no clue what I'm talking about. I chalk it up to the fact that no one can remember what happened at the beginning of quarantine. So I'm like "oh okay" facepalm and THEN this fucker (affectionately) says "oh you know Jensen and danneel, after they put the kids to bed, they just... Watch videos of me." 💀

So that was gonna be my private shame and since it's a m&g story I wasn't gonna share it.

Until.....

I'm sitting in Jensen's panel and here a high pitched squeal asking Jensen about watching Lazarus Rising and watching videos of Misha. And I. ABSOLUTELY. LOSE IT. No one in the audience but the other 19 m&g attendees have no context for Misha's question, but I KNOW WHAT HES DOING. So I'm basically shaking and freaking out and cannot explain to anyone why this is insanity. Jensen mocks misha's affect and asked if he was doing Ruthie's voice but I think he was mocking ME asking that question in my scared wobbly voice lmao 🤣

And of course Jensen asks Misha if he (Jensen) should answer the fans question or "mishas horrible question" and I wanted to sink into the floor 😂

And if you've seen the video, you know how Jensen answers the question and the clusterfuck the answer turned into.

So of course, I have Misha's auto later that night and I decide I have to say something to him. I was getting the poem Taxi signed by him, which means a lot for me and how I see my relationship with my mom, and I was gonna say something about how much it resonates with me, but instead I had to pivot. So I went up to his table and put down my items to get signed and said to him:

"Misha I have a bone to pick with you. You stole my m&g question to ask Jensen at his panel today!"

And this man says "What question?!"

💀

So of course I say "the Lazarus rising question. And I think I'm entitled to financial compensation for you stealing my question." And he turns to his handler and says something and turns back to me and says "I'm asking her if it's too late for you to get a refund."

So I laugh and then he said "it was a good question!" And I said "Thank you for asking it! I wasn't expecting the answer to go in that direction though" and he just gives me a look, cocking his head to the side, and I grab my items and run away 🤣

Anyway, I'm still waiting to find out what happened with that pilot episode and if it'll ever see the light of day 🙏

(Also, based on my own experience this weekend, I wouldnt be surprised if Misha genuinely cannot remember stuff in response to my questions because he's busy and frantic and short term memory kind of does in all the stress but if he was just jerking me around all weekend that was the best experience ever)

My auto items are in the images below. Special thanks to @wigglebox for giving me the cas & dean in the empty artwork so I could have Misha sign it. Can't wait to hang it up.

archie and veronica dynamic is so funny from 1x05 to 1x06 because in 1x05 RIGHT AFTER archie has been through a pretty traumatic experience veronica makes light of the fact that archie (child) used to date a teacher (adult) but he doesnt anymore because she skipped town on his ass even though he felt she was the one person who believed in him + he was publicly shamed for being a horrible person for his crimes of being taken advantage of by a pedophile. one episode later veronica is like archie you have no sense of loyalty for not singing with me at the school talent show #gingerjugas. and then 5 minutes later they're besties. and this is a pretty accurate depiction of what being 15 years old is like

This episode of love, death and robots was powerful. I didn’t realize the cultural significance of the story until reading up on it afterwards. The story follows a Siren smitten with a soldier who is unaffected by her deathly scream. Jibaro is an alternate version of the Siren’s tale. The original Greek mythology talks about Sirens who have beautiful voices that seduce men at sea to leap to their deaths. If a Siren is unable to woo a man, then she commits suicide by diving into the water.

In Love, Death and Robots’ Jibaro, we see a Siren, like Sindel from Mortal Kombat, whose scream drives people insane. The story begins with an army that appears to be colonialists. The lead is a deaf soldier. Considering all the gold that adorned their horses, it appears this group has been colonizing and looting as they expanded. The Siren senses threat and attacks. While the rest of the troops are vanquished by the screaming and dancing Siren, the deaf soldier, is unharmed and makes a run for it.

The Siren is intrigued by this soldier. Clearly, she’s come across a deaf person for the first time. Later, she sneaks up next to him and spends the night. The soldier wakes up and can’t take his eyes off the bejewelled beauty. He follows her, and they eventually embrace and share a passionate kiss. Her lips and teeth are so sharp that it cuts the soldier, and he bleeds.

We see a turn of events when the soldier knocks the Siren unconscious, savagely rips through her chest (symbolic of sexual assault) tears all her jewels and adornment away from her body, and tosses her into the river. Her blood is magical and floods the river in a Shining-esque manner. The soldier washes his face in the water, and this causes his hearing to be healed, making him vulnerable to the Siren.

At first it appears she is dead. Her body floating limply in a river of blood—is horrifying to witness. When suddenly she moves. When she rises out of the water… she realizes what happened and is devastated. The shame, humiliation, and overwhelming sense of violation is so apparent. The Siren exacts revenge for his betrayal by performing a fatality on the undeaf soldier with her scream. The man suffers a choreographed death as he moves into the river and sinks to the bottom of the river.

The ending of Jibaro places emphasis on the metaphor of toxic relationships. Both of them were attracted to each other for their own selfish desires, and as we all know, that can never end well.

The deaf soldier fancies the Siren only for the ornaments on her body. And the Siren is intrigued by this man only because her otherwise fatal scream had no effect on him. They are drawn to each other for incredibly wrong reasons. Soon, the man strikes first to claim what he really wants. This backfires horribly, with the return of his hearing. After such brutality and violation, the Siren has lost her grace and can no longer dance. What is witnessed is pure unadulterated pain and rage. She screams in agony and takes the man down, and even though she ultimately wins (with his death, and her survival), it is a hollow victory. He has taken something so precious from her, and she is now forever changed.

This piece was powerful to me, as a woman who (like many I have known) has experienced this kind of trauma. Of being violated, having your innocence ripped away from you so cruelly, and illustrating how one feels inside in the aftermath of this. Though she survives, she is mutilated. Though she exists, she is half dead. The silence echoes eerily around her when she ceases to scream. The lake is a metaphor for her emotions, the sky expansive emptiness, the forest her crowding thoughts… and how ultimately alone she is in this.

Based on your recent asks, do you think any other Jedi (like Yoda, Obi Wan, Mace, etc) would've reacted the same way Padmé had?

In Episode III

In Episode III, Obi-Wan's reaction isn't that different from Padmé's. Obi-Wan's first reaction to seeing a security recording about Anakin killing younglings and being Darth Sidious apprentice is "It can't be." Padmé says when he tells her about it, "I don't believe you. I can't." She runs after Anakin, so he can reassure her, it's not true, although you can see that at some level, she feels it to be true. She realizes, "Obi-Wan was right. You've changed." And "I don't know you anymore." She indicates, she cannot follow Anakin the path he is going down, because of what he have done and what he plans to do, and she begs him, "Stop. Stop now! Come back! I love you!" Obi-Wan says, "You have allowed this dark lord to twist your mind, until now- until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy" but he also tries to reason him during their duel, desperately telling him, "Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!"

What sets Padmé and Obi-Wan apart from Yoda, and possibly from Mace is that the wisest Jedi Knights are able to tell when they have to stop fighting for the one consumed by the dark side and start fighting for those who must be protected from them. It is always possible for someone to turn back to the light side, as one is not either this or that, but there is a point where we cannot wait for that to happen, because they would cause too much harm and suffering to others while they're on the dark side. So, they must be stopped. Yoda is just better at recognizing and accepting that point.

In Episode II

Wiping out the village is shown to be Anakin Skywalker’s first step toward becoming evil, and it's defined by Lucas himself as “terrible” and “completely inappropriate,” the narrative strongly emphasizes the severe reprehensibility of his actions, it's clear on that regardless how Shmi died, regardless who the Tuskens are, this is something that one must not do. And Padmé reacts accordingly: she is shocked. However, the massacre is markedly committed before Anakin turns to the dark side, as opposed to the slaughter of the younglings at the Jedi Temple, which is his first deed done as Darth Vader, signifying his fall. The Tusken massacre is a powerful warning against allowing fear of loss, stemming from attachment, to turn into anger over loss, resulting in horrible acts that we terribly regret later and, obviously, feeding into hate. And once Anakin's anger wears off, he is horrified of what he had done while he was under its sway, he is full of regret and shame, he is beating himself up for falling under the sway of his dark side. Padmé consoles him by telling him, "to be angry is to be human", which is also a warning to the audience: good people can do terrible things when they're overwhelmed by anger. "I am a Jedi" Anakin tells her, broken, "I know I'm better than this."

Many tend to interpret the Tusken massacre as an act that pollutes Anakin with evil in some way, or reveals an inherent evilness within him, but these ideas are profoundly rejected by George Lucas' Star Wars. Evil is something that you do under the sway of fear, anger, hate, aggression and selfishness and greed, and not something what you are. Anakin does evil under the sway of his anger, but once that anger wears off, he sees his action as evil. Whereas in Episode III, he is consumed by his dark side, he is not seeing his actions as evil, he rationalizes them, and refuses to admit that he is on the wrong. This is the profound difference between Anakin and Darth Vader.

So, Yoda, Obi-Wan and Mace and the others would have reacted the same way as Padmé did - they should've condemn his actions, but they wouldn't declare him evil. The Tusken massacre was the result of Anakin being unable to control his anger over losing his mother, turning into revenge. Some people assert - and because of this, they smear the Jedi for starting to train children as early as possible - that being good is a choice between doing good and doing bad, whereas genuine goodness must be cultivated: it's the ability to keep your dark parts under check. If you slip and fall, you shouldn't feel guilty. You should feel regret; you should resolve to try your best not to repeat the harmful action or mistake; you should reaffirm the positive direction you try to put in your life; and whenever it's possible, correct or counter the harm you made. So, Yoda and Mace and the others would focus on training Anakin, helping him to practice, practice, practice and practice.

This is signaled by the narrative as well: In the Star Wars: The Clone Wars movie, Anakin is visibly distraught when he has to return to Tatooine, with Ahsoka casually quoting Master Yoda: “old sins cast a long shadow”, unwittingly addressing his issues. Anakin tells her, it means, “your past can ruin your future if you allow it.” In the Mortis Arc of the Clone Wars TV show, Anakin encounters with the likeness of Shmi, who asks him, “Tell me, where is your pain, so I might take it away?” Anakin recounts his regrets: “I was too late to save you. I failed as a Jedi and I failed you”, because, as he says, “I tasted only vengeance when I slaughtered so many to avenge your death.” The likeness of Shmi responds, "It is time you realize that your guilt does not define you. You define your guilt."

Should Anakin be in Jail for Massacring the Tusken?

It should be noted that in George Lucas' narrative, the Tusken Raiders are functioning as "violent savages". We can see that they're violent, beast-like, non-human marauder creatures who roam the deserts driven by instinct, who abducted Shmi Skywalker, one of the most compassionate, selfless characters in Lucas' story, and tortured her to death, just out of cruel whim, butchering or mutilating those who tried to rescue her. Her husband tells Anakin, “Those Tuskens walk like men, but they’re vicious, mindless monsters.” Lucas said, that scene was meant to establish the Tusken Raiders as "not completely human", they're "disliked" and "treacherous" and "deadly."

This story element has its origins in representing indigenous peoples and "the other" as stereotypes of violence and savagery, and it can be spotted in horror stories about the Assassins of the Middle-East and the Ancient Greek myths of man-killing virgin Amazons, and in the traditional Westerns, where Native Americans are portrayed very much like the Tusken Raiders in Episode II and IV. However, it should be noted that the figure of the Tusken Raider embodies the story element, and not serving as the Star Wars counterparts of the indigenous peoples who inspired the story element - nor it's a commentary on indigenous peoples. Today, it become popular to "fill in" the unknown past of Tatooine with the history of European colonialism, thus re-imagining the Tusken Raiders as demonized indigenous people rather than demonic indigenous creatures, but the legitimacy and merits of this fan-practice must be re-examined. Whether we agree with it or not, in Lucas' universe, the Tusken Raiders are violent creatures who may appear to be human-like, they're closer to the baboons of Disney's Tarzan. Indigenous peoples in his story are represented by the Talz and the Ewoks, not by Tuskens. Some would insist that if the Tuskens are really animalistic, vicious beings, Anakin massacring them wouldn't be an issue, so, they must be something more, Legends and Disney's stories are sort of catering this idea, but this confusion reveals that some failed to understand the core message of Star Wars.

The Tusken Raiders are meant to be human enough to register their massacre as something that is completely inappropriate and a terrible, but in the same time, they're non-human enough to keep Anakin the good person he was until Episode III, and not to send the message that one can murder human children and women (or children and women who are human in every way, except their form) and still be considered a hero until he turns into Darth Vader.

Lucas would says, “Anakin was a good kid, and even though he was a petulant, whiny teen – which I can say from experience seems to be the way it works; even I was one of those once – he was still a good person. Anakin has been struggling with some issues, especially about his mother, but also with Padmé and [deciding between] doing his job and his own, personal thing. And even in [Revenge of the Sith], the first third of it, he is fine. He’s a good pal to Obi-Wan and doing a great job.”

An Admittedly Harsh Review of Good Omens Season 2

~ obviously contains spoilers for Good Omens s2 ~

Let me start off by saying that I absolutely ADORE Good Omens, both the book as well as season 1. I love the story, the characters, the writing, the acting, all of it. I'm a huge fan of Crowley and Aziraphale. So trust me when I say that it breaks my heart to leave anything but a glowing review of the second season.

That said, I feel like the second season has received a lot of praise. Fans seem to be generally happy about the way the show went, though obviously 'upset' about the events at the end of the season, as was intended. There were definitely fun things about the show that deserve some praise. However, I don't feel like the show has received the criticism that it is also due. And because of how much I love the first season and the ineffables, I feel like I owe it to myself to give voice to these criticisms. They are as follows:

1 Lack of Emotional Depth

Compared to a first season brimming with emotional depth, meaning, and complexity, the second season of Good Omens is incredibly lacking in multiple ways. Not only is the plot almost virtually void of meaningful emotion, the characters are regrettably emotionally dry. With a big caveat for the final emotional confrontation between Crowley and Aziraphale in the last episode (to be discussed again later), the rest of the show feels quite shallow. Aziraphale and Crowley have little meaningful conversation throughout the entirety of the series; they've just come out of the world almost ending and major upheaval in their realities and in their relationship with one another at the end of season 1, yet the two seem oddly distant from each other, and not even purposefully. Crowley is largely emotionally checked out most of the season, and Aziraphale is just stressed about Gabriel, but gives no thoughts whatsoever to Crowley, which just reads as characterization and dialogue poorly done.

What makes the lack of emotional depth in, and connection between, Aziraphale and Crowley even worse is that the other characters in the season are also horribly lacking emotion. I'll give a pass to Gabriel given it's part of his characterization, but the introduction of Nina and Maggie was disappointing. I was all for the intro of new characters with side romance plots, but the plot between these two feels contrived and, most of all, rushed. Their development is rushed to the extent that it's impossible for these characters to develop emotional depth that would resonate with the audience. Whereas we had extensive scenes of Newton, Anathema, Adam, etc in season one, we barely had scenes dedicated to exploring these two a bit more in depth. I found myself unable to really care about them at all which is a true shame because, as a sapphic myself, I was pretty excited about them.

What makes the ending confrontation between Aziraphale and Crowley so much worse is the fact that they had so little emotional interactions prior to this throughout the season. They were very surface-level, status quo, emotionally neutral through the season except for the tiniest whispers of something romantic before BAM this final dramatic confrontation. That scene was, unfortunately, the only time the entire season I felt like I was actually watching the Crowley and Aziraphale I know and love from season one. Talk about traumatic.

2 Inconsistent Characterization

This is largely intertwined with lack of emotional depth, but it deserves its own focus, too. Some of the character decisions simply do not make sense. Case in point: Crowley living in his car and Aziraphale not knowing and/or not offering him a place to stay. That is so unlike Aziraphale that it hurts. Crowley does something equally offensive by throwing Aziraphale's books around when Aziraphale isn't around. Given that he went to great lengths to save Aziraphale's books in season one and respects his angel with soft adoration, I find it jarring that Crowley would do this. Aziraphale doesn't seem as reflective as he did in season 1. Crowley, who we could always read behind the glasses, seems cold and closed off this season. I felt like I was watching a sad alternate universe version of them.

3 Painfully Slow Plot & Filler Content

To be fair, characters can't shine when the story they're in is sorely lacking.... everything. Each episode I watched became more and more nonsensical, boring, and painful. Flashback scenes were drawn out, the entire fourth episode was drawn out and flat, and the Hell vs Bookshop 'fight' scene towards the end was equally drawn out and anticlimactic. Towards the end of the season, it felt as if I were very slowly having a tooth pulled, and it just ended in the worst way possible. Compared to the brilliance of season 1, season 2's plot and content was disorganized, drawn out, rambling, and frankly felt like filler. The entire Nazi-zombie arc was... painful. The magic scene went on for a lifetime. I truly don't understand how the show managed to do so little with so much time.

Some Concluding Thoughts

The fact that all this culminated in a very intense and dramatic scene between Aziraphale and Crowley makes that interaction even more painful. While there are perhaps some reasons I could see Aziraphale making this decision despite the lessons he supposedly learned in season 1, this again just reads as poorly done to me. Crowley went from showing almost no emotion the entire season to having this very dramatic moment... I would have liked to see consistent hints of this. Without build-up this felt disproportionately unexpected and shocking. The scene undoubtedly has potential and is a very interesting consideration for the characters, but I struggle to care about this scene when it feels so utterly lacking in context.

Overall, as a huge fan on Good Omens and Aziraphale and Crowley, I'm quite disappointed with season 2. I had a lot of hope and excitement for it, but this... this brought disappointment and hurt. The writing felt rushed while also somehow grasping for content. Previously rich and developed characters felt flat. No emotional context existed to draw me in. Each episode, I slipped into a lower level of disappointment.

I'm not a fan of praising things for doing the bare minimum, and that's what this felt like. Just because side-plots geared towards some of the interests that the audience has expressed are included, it doesn't matter if those side-plots and characters end up lacking the context and depth they deserve. If there wasn't enough content to create a second season, better to not make it, in my opinion. Just because we got ~ the kiss ~ the rest of the show doesn't matter. To me, it feels as if they thought that was enough and that everything else would be overlooked as long as this one thing happened.

But... I'm not just going to overlook it. Compared to the fun, emotionally rich, exciting first season of Good Omens, season 2 is barely an echo of that original energy. This season deserves to be critiqued, so I'm going to say it.

I'm wary but cautiously hopeful about a third season. I'm hoping that that story and season would be more reminiscent of the first season's emotionality and meaning, and that we would see depth to our characters again. I could almost forgive season 2 if we got a genuinely well-done conclusion to the story.

// End Rant

Paper Girls

I read the comic in one day and binged the show in two days and let me just say, I am obsessed. I love all the wonderful, complex characters, the beautiful artwork, the engaging plot and of course, the wonderfully built-up main sapphic relationship. Because I read the comics before watching the show, I think I was a bit too critical of the show at first (especially because there were so many changes) but after the first two episodes, I began to fall in love with the show as well. There were some changes the show made that I loved and some that I did not like so much.

Changes I loved:

1)The development of Dylan and Alice. In the comics, he is referenced quite a bit and the audience can infer that he is a douchebag but other than that and the one interaction with Mac where he calls her a “butch” ,we don’t get much from him. But in the show, we see that he is a changed man, who has acknowledged how the trauma of the abusive home he grew up in has shaped him and how he in turn added to his sister’s trauma. He has grown and has apologized for his mistakes and loves and misses his sister. In fact, his sister’s death is what inspires him to change his life for the better and break the cycle of generational trauma. He treats both his kids and little sister so gently, the complete opposite of his dad. It was so heartbreaking when Mac had to leave her brother and the better life he could have provided for her behind.

Alice’s portrayal in the comics is heartbreaking. She doesn’t seem to care for Mac as much as Mac cares for her and is an absent parent. While the show seems to keep the same tune at first, we later find out Alice stepped up and took care of Mac and Dylan after Mac was diagnosed. Her love for her stepdaughter is abundantly clear, shown by how brings flowers to Mac’s grave on her birthday and her absolutely grief-stricken and hopeful expression upon catching a glimpse of her step-daughter in the graveyard. I absolutely love that Mac got to see that there were people who loved and cared about her (although they showed it too late). Overall, it was a beautiful and poignant plot line.

2) Erin’s martyr tendacies due to her being parentified as a child cause her to self-destruct. Erin was forced to take a lot of responsibility as a child because if her father’s death and because her mother couldn’t speak English. She made taking care of people her whole personality and pushed her own wants and needs to the side. When her sister and mother became more independent, Erin felt hollow and lost because she had no dreams and aspirations of her own, thus when her mother became sick, Erin subconsciously jumped at the chance to play the martyr/caretaker role again, feeling like she should have to handle this on her own and not realizing that her sister would also want to take care of their mother. This was definitely a more nuanced approach to Erin’s character and I loved the complexity that was added to Erin and Missy’s relationship, whereas in the comics Erin’s jealousy of Missy’s perfect life was only slightly hinted at.

3) I also loved Erin being angry at her future self and that being delved into a bit more.

4) I loved Erin and Mac’s friendship. We didn’t get enough one-on-one scenes of them in the comics.

5) I loved that they made Mac a cancer, partly because it’s also my zodiac sign and partly because it’s such a dark joke.

Changes I didn’t love:

1) 1999 Tiff wasn’t goth enough. And her bf wasn’t goth either. I also disliked that they used the fact that Tiff was adopted as a shocking secret. I preferred to have her know that she was adopted from the start like in the comics. The comics hinted that she had some abandonment trauma with her bio mum, I wish that was explored instead. I just feel like the whole secretly adopted plot twist is cliche and also implies that being adopted is a shameful thing and that’s why parents don’t tell their children that they’re adopted, which is a horrible thing to imply.

2) I’m sad that they cut out the plot-line of the girls saving Wali and Japho. I get why they cut it but I remember finding out that Japho was the Grand Father after they saved him and I was gobsmacked and flabbergasted, it was such a good plot twist.

3) I’m sad that they got rid of homophobic Mac. Once again, I get why they did it, I can’t imagine a child saying slurs would be greenlit on any tv show and the scenes where she’s homophobic to KJ are downright painful but it was so refreshing how they made they more stereotypical butch character have internalized homophobia and it paid off in the end when Mac accepted that she was gay and she wasn’t homophobic anymore.

4) Larry was there. I did not really care about Larry, although I got super pissed when he yelled at Tiffany twice. I was also really worried that he was going to be adult Erin’s love interest (which would have been weird and horrifying), luckily their fake dating scene hilariously showed that they are definitely not going to date. I’ve also noticed that the best scenes are when the paper girls are alone (or with their future selves) Larry doesn’t add anything to the story.

I adored the show and I actually loved that they made such huge changes. It keeps the suspense alive. There better be a season 2!

Riverdale 7x12 - After the Fall (spoilers)

There are eight episodes left. I just wanted to point that out. Eight episodes and we get...this. Going to possibly be my shortest recap ever.

Ethel is cleared of killing the Milkman and she's no longer a suspect in her parents murder. She's forced to go back with Alice, who starts to treat her like she's her daughter (as if Ethel hasn't been through enough). She and Jughead are told by the councilor that the Milkman was insane transient. Not even the principal swallows that bs. Ethel wants to work with Jughead and create a sequel to the Milkman story. Pep comics editor doesn't want the attention. Ethel explains to Jughead (in an actually decent scene) that she wants to do the story because everyone is telling her how to think and feel about her parents murder and she wants to tell her story. They change the idea to a mailman. Pep editor knows that everyone will come for them, but decides it's time to fight the system.

Betty and Veronica break into the Pembrook and secretly live in the apartment. They have a sleepover with Kevin and Clay. Then, a day or so later, they have an intimate talk about how horrible their families are (which, true); promise not to become their parents; and talk about how happy Kevin and Clay are. Which turns into talking about experimenting with other women, which turns into them almost kissing. However, they're stopped by Mary Andrews who, long story short, knew something was wrong when she overheard the two girls talking earlier in the episode. When she finds out that the girls have been rejected by their mothers, Mary shames Hermione (off screen) and Alice into taking them back. Mary has strange, strange powers. Anyway, the girls seem to be considering a relationship with one another. To be clear, I don't have a problem with Beronica and wouldn't mind seeing Beronica, but I doubt this will last more then an episode or two, so it's just kind of...meh.

The boys basketball team is without a Captain as Julien is in a coma. Reggie is blamed for the accident by Clifford, who wants Reggie off the team. Archie is made captain of the team, but he just wants to write poetry. Cheryl wants to take care of her brother and not worry about cheerleading, but Clifford threatens to harm Cheryl. And it's this point we should remember that Clifford is the only parent in this show that has effectively and ruthlessly killed one his own children, so...

Anyway, long story short, Clifford seems to be close to getting rid of Reggie. But Archie, and the team, say if Reggie isn't made captain; they'll walk. Clifford mentions that he doesn't like being threatened (which, again, actually is concerning with this character); but Reggie is made Captain. Julien wakes up from his coma. Reggie wins the game. Clifford is pissed. Yadda, yadda, yadda, something about a storm coming.

And, again, we only have eight episodes after this.

Bug being exhausting for a few days (like kids sometimes are) and reader being really emotional about it and Quinn comforting them both?

Oh man. Realistic side of kids.

Bug was still young, only three and she was exhausting.

Bear was only young too, still under one so life was hectic.

Bug was feeling left out, constantly wanting your attention but you hadn’t the time to give her your undivided all the time.

Quinn was at practice when it happened, Bug had thrown toys around all day, refused her meals, thrown tantrums, wound her brother up, screamed all day.

When Bear had finally settled for his nap she went barging into his room screaming which ultimately woke him up.

“Bug go out and watch the tv just now please I need to put him to sleep”

“But mama-“ “bug please”

When he had eventually gone down for the nap you had emerged to find more toys strewn around the living room that you hadn’t long ago tidied.

Sighing, you sat down on the couch and put your head in your hands finally getting a moment to yourself.

That was short lived.

“Mama look!”

“Mommy!”

“Mo-“

“Charlotte! Please for the love of god stop! Stop yelling at me, stop it! Just stop, ok?!” You shouted.

The house had gone silent, all but the bluey episode that was playing in the background.

You watched her eyes fill with tears and her bottom lip began to quiver. You never shouted at your kids and you certainly never used their real names.

She knew you were really mad at her.

“O-ok” she was trying not the cry and you could tell. Your heart broke for her, you felt like the worst person ever.

You watched her turn around and make a b-line for her bedroom. You sighed

“Baby no, come back please I didn’t mean to shout-“

She was already half way up the stairs and you could see her shoulders shaking “No, I go up here”

When you heard her bedroom door shut you burst into tears, sobs wracking your body while you hunched over on the couch.

Quinn arrived not five minutes later. Instead of his usually hello of his kids yelling and laughing he hears his wife crying.

“Woah, woah what happened?! Are you ok? Are the kids ok?”

You looked up at him, face red and blotchy “I’m the worst mom ever!”

He looked confused “What? Babe, what’s going on?”

You explained the story to him, all the way to the end feeling horrible about it all.

“Ok, you wait here I’m going to check she’s ok”

“I didn’t mean to-“ he cut you off with a kiss on your forehead “I know, baby. She can be a lot sometimes I’m not blaming you- don’t you ever think I’m shaming you. I just gotta check she’s ok up there”

While he had gone to see your daughter you’d opted to wake Bear up from his nap, having left him longer than usual to calm yourself down.

Quinn had knocked on Bug’s door “Bug, baby is me can I come in?”

He heard her little sniffles through the door but no reply “I’m coming in!”

When he entered he found her sat in the middle of the room on the floor with a tear stained face and a pout “Daddy, mommy’s mad”

He walked in, picking her up and resting her on his hip. Her head flopped onto his shoulder while her tired eyes drooped a little.

“She’s not mad baby, she’s just sad because she made you cry”

“I sorry” he kissed her forehead, brushing away the stray hairs “I know you are baby, how about we go see her? After we wash your face”

Twenty minutes later the two had joined you on the couch, bug stayed awfully quiet only perched in Quinn’s lap.

You put on a kids movie for you all to watch, something peaceful after such a stressful day. You looked over at the two, sharing a smile with your husband before you looked at bug

“Bug, baby you wanna come sit with mommy?”

“Am I allowed?” “Of course you are allowed baby”

She reluctantly crawled over before tucking herself in under your arm, Quinn on her other side.

You leaned down, kissing her hair and mumbling “I’m so sorry princess, I didn’t mean to yell”

She looked up “It’s ok mama, it’s ok now! I still love you!”

That caused you both to chuckle “Good because I love you so much!”

Okay so, dead end is a great show but you know what we haven't had yet? My favorite episode trope of all time, the memory episode. And I have a really freaky idea for it. (This got super long so full thing under cut.)

So, picture season 3, Norma has been tearing through the lower level angels along with Zagan, (and likely Temeluchus and Paimon too) and they've been making good progress. I picture this as a later episode, maybe like episode 7, and Norma and Zagan finally make it to Pael. He toys with them a bit, picture Luz and Belos's first fight in toh except there's no breaking of any mask. Norma and Zagan are at their top form, but Pael is simply far more skilled than they anticipated.

After some time, he chuckles, and traps Norma in the same chair that held Pugsley, with that calm smile plastered on his face. Zagan of course bolts towards her, but is restrained by several angels who file in on command.

Norma is in shock from the sudden action, but she isn't scared, she balls her fists as she glares at Pael, a determined look on her face.

Pael eyes this with great interest, chuckling again to himself.

"My my, what an interesting little one you are, I see you have returned to me with a friend." He marvels, with that soft voice of his.

"Hope you appreciated the warm welcome, we got very acquainted with your subjects." Norma replies, a devilish smirk on her face.

Pael's smile then deepens into a frown, a rare sight for the archangel.

"Yes, those foul demons have certainly trained you well, a shame really." He expresses, grimacing at the word "demon."

"And they've trained me to bring you down." She responds, her determination never faltering.

Pael shakes his head, a look of disappointment clearly expressed in the action.

"You poor girl, to think they've corrupted you like this, it is simply unforgivable." Pael utters, pity dripping from his words.

"Corrupted?"

"Why yes, they've tainted you so much, you do not even resemble yourself anymore." Pael answers.

Norma finally began to look unsettled, her hands sweating as her eyebrows knitted together.

"What do you mean by that?" She dares to ask, cursing the slight shake of her voice when she uttered her question.

Pael's smile returned and haunting laughter followed. Norma's nails dig into her hand unconsciously at the sound, and Pael's smile widens unnaturally so, the corners of his mouth rising past his cheeks.

He waves a hand and a bright golden glyph appears before her face. It was so close she could clearly see the intricate patterns and words in a ancient language spelling out around the circle. It was almost hypnotic, as if the very sight of it made her forget the horrible situation she found herself in.

"Here, dear girl, let me jog your memory." He mutters, before the glyph begins rotating rapidly, the gold growing brighter and brighter and brighter.

Norma thinks she hears a voice calling out for her, perhaps Zagan's, before the light fills the entire room, a blinding white that reverberates in her mind.

She shuts her eyes at the sight, expecting a burning pain or something worse.

She gets neither, and when she finally decides to hesitantly open her eyes, she's back in her bedroom.

The episode would follow showing several events throughout Norma's life. Perhaps even in her younger years, we'd see her Dad too, when he was still around. The memories would then become increasingly familiar, eventually replaying old scenes from the prior seasons as Norma relives them all over again.

Except, she isn't alone, Pael is with her the whole time, and he's highlighting specific moments and narrating over them. In this way, he's also changing the narrative of her own memories with his own interpretations.

Like when we cut to her watching Pauline through the years, and Pael notes:

"You've been following the wrong people your whole life, haven't you dear? Ah, but who could blame you, the most vile creatures of the planes are always the most tempting."

Right after the shots of Pauline, we'd then get shots of the demons, of Zagan, Temeluchus, and perhaps even the party itself from season 2 episode 6.

"You place your trust in those that hurt you, those that have betrayed you; you must know it is only due time before they hurt you once again, right, little one? You are a smart girl, and you have a kind heart, but these demons, these phantoms, will only use that to their advantage."

We then flash to shots of Norma and Zagan training, and Pael shakes his head.

"Your swordsmanship is impressive, young one, that friend of yours has done a wonderful job honing her personal tool." Pael notes, the word tool spoken with particular venom.

Norma has been mostly silent throughout these interactions, perhaps because she's taking it all in, or perhaps because a part of her agrees with what Pael is saying. But after that statement she turns towards him in anger.

"I am not a tool, I chose to do this!" She fires back.

Pael's expression never changes.

"It was your choice, was it, little one? But what other choice did you have? That wonderful little dog was taken from you, and you wished to inflict that pain upon us, that is why you decided to engage in this conflict, is it not?" He left no time for Norma to answer the question, the answer already being obvious.

"I am afraid the demons do not see it in that way. They, and especially that friend of yours, could not care less about the dog's death. No, it would not have mattered what reason you gave, anything would have satisfied the bloodlust they hold for us. And what a great opportunity, to have a scapegoat primed and prepared for when they at last realize they are in over their heads with this foolish war. You are a human, dear, you are expendable, and yet, remarkably flexible. Those demons could shape you into whatever they desired, and if you perished, well, there's plenty more of your kind on the Neutral Plane to gather. Your existence is inconsequential to them, my poor girl, your life is ultimately meaningless in the grand scale of their war." Pael explained, his voice wracked with pity and sympathy.

As he goes on, Norma starts to break, she shakes her head, clutches at her sleeves, pupils dilating to half their size.

"No, no that's not true, they do care, they-" Her desperate words were hardly convincing, and she was unable to continue as she felt her breath hitch in her throat, her heart pounding in her ears. She couldn't focus, and yet, Pael continued.

"They do not, dear. Those demons do not care for anyone but themselves. They are vile and selfish creatures, and I am terribly sorry that they deceived you in such a way." Pael replies with absolute finality.

His voice, it was too loud. The memories that played before Norma were too loud. Everything was too loud and too much all at once and Norma couldn't even respond to Pael anymore, the only sound emitting from her being her gasps for breath. She fell to the ground, clasping her hands over her ears and shutting her eyes.

Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop!

It was then, that Norma felt a hand on her shoulder. Instinctually she flinched at the touch, but before she could bat the hand away, she felt warmth resonate from it. It was a calming warmth, the kind of warmth you felt right before you fell alseep. But instead of drifting to a slumber, she opened her eyes, and saw she was back within Pael's chamber. She gasped for air and found she could breathe again and as she took in her surroundings, Pael stood before her once more.

"These demons have hurt you, have blinded you, have shaped you into their personal weapon. They have tainted your heart with sin, and they made you forget who you are. But, be not afraid, Norma, I can heal you, I can wash away this darkness that has consumed your heart. I can show you the light. So please, dear, make the right choice." He says, before extending a hand forward...

Unbeknownst to Norma, Zagan has finally gotten the upper hand on those tricky little angels. That's fine though, she isn't called the Chieftain of Patience for nothing. She's been so focused on getting out of those slimy things' grip, that she let her focus drift away from Norma. As she breaks free from the angels' grips, and makes sure they remember to never do that again, her eyes widen in horror at the sight before her. Pael is standing before Norma, and she looks to be in some kind of trance, her gaze completely focused on him. He's extended a hand towards her, a hand that has only the faintest hint of a glyph circling around it.

Only one deeply aware of the angels and their magic would be able to see it. The Angel's Pact. They say to never make a deal with the devil, but really, that's mostly just angel propaganda. Demons aren't hard to figure out once you know them, and their language isn't hard to decipher once you know the terminology. And besides, any demon that doesn't uphold their end of the bargain is scum to Zagan either way.

But a deal with an angel? That's something you really gotta worry about. For starters, a pact with an angel is unbreakable, there's no going back when you've made a deal with one of them. Secondly, they never mean what they say, there's always a double-edged blade to their words and angels always see things through their own perspective, they're real convincing that way. The good image they've been able to preserve for eons certainly only aids in that too, everyone always just believes angels at face value. But deep down, they're just as ugly as the demons, they always have been.

And this Angel's Pact, that is what is being presented before Norma now. But why? What had he said to her? Surely, after everything, Norma wasn't seriously considering this, right?

"Norma! Norma snap out of it!" Zagan yells out, a desperation she would never admit hiding in those words.

Pael hears this, and with a single flap of his wings, sends Zagan rocketing into the wall behind him. The impact is enough to have her torso shoot forward, and a trickle of blood runs down her mouth as she cries out in pain.

"Even now they would ask you to fight, how bitterly cruel." Pael notes, before turning back to Norma once more.

"Come, my sweet child, let us make this right again."

To be continued...

(Thinking of making this into an actual fic, would yall be interested in that? With that I'd be going into way more detail, and of course you'd also get the conclusion so let me know if that's something yall would be interested in.)

Standing in the Wake of Devastation (II)

Suna and Kaya, in the aftermath of the storm. Taken from episode 52.

Author note: Okay, so I lied. This is not a one-shot anymore. I'm still not 100% sure how they plan to build the story in canon. All signs point to this couple being endgame, but with dizi writers… who knows. However, I want nice things to happen, which is why the chapter ends the way it does.

AO3 link here.

By the time Seyran's TV show ends, with absolute chaos erupting all around, any kind of admiration Suna might have felt for her sister's courage is completely shattered, replaced by an all consuming fear, burning shame, and a deep sense of betrayal.

She stumbles blindly through the room, barely aware of Kaya's presence behind her, eyes blurred with tears, a single thought echoing in her head.

It's over.

Right when she thought she had found solid ground to walk on, the ground is turning into quick sand, threatening to swallow her whole. And this time, there will be no escape. If something happens to Halis, she will be kicked out of the mansion - and how can she realistically expect Kaya to keep supporting her if she ruins his revenge before it even started? So there will be nothing left for her, because she knows with the clarity of someone who has been handed a life sentence that it would be better for her to die than return to her father, after the humiliation he suffered because of her.

She barely makes it to the staircase before collapsing, tears flowing freely now that the rest of the family is nowhere in sight. Kaya sits down next to her, his demeanour calm and comforting, no trace of his earlier coldness, and Suna would be grateful for it, were it not for her emotional turmoil.

"We will think of something," he promises, and she would believe him in normal circumstances, but now she can't see any solution, and she tells him as much, between tears and sobs. She blurts out all the other things too before she can even second guess herself - the fear, the humiliation, the weight of the knowledge that everyone is aware of her past misfortune and hellish life, and how she tried to leave everything behind, and couldn't - and will never be able to.

Then Kaya's arms are around her, and she's pressed to his chest, and all she can do is cry her eyes out, while he's whispering words of encouragement, his lips kissing the top of her head.

"It's not your fault," he reassures her, and the weight of what had happened is a bit more easy to bear, if only for a while.

*

She almost makes a terrible mistake later that evening.

She had an ugly confrontation with Pelin when returning home, and ended up pulling her hair, with Kaya barely able to separate them, and then she redirected her anger towards him, because how could he stand there, hearing all the horrible insults that woman had uttered, and not be on her side?

And since she had not been in the mood for a lecture from him, she had not waited for him to return to their shared room - instead, she had quickly changed and sneaked out when no one had been paying attention, a single thought in her head - that she had to leave.

But she has nowhere to go, that's the bitter truth. Nowhere to go and no one she can truly count on. Kaya had told her he would always support her, no matter what, and she had been ready to fully believe him, especially after the way he had consoled her at the reception. It's obvious though that his support comes with terms and conditions, and who's to say that he won't give up on her as soon as she will become too inconvenient to handle?

After all, even Abidin, the man she thought was in love with her, gave up on her at the first disappointment.

She means nothing to Kaya. He did say she was the only one who could understand him, but that's obviously not the case. She does not understand him. She thought she did, before overhearing that conversation with his mother, but she doesn't. He can lie so easily - and if he's lying to her now, how can she even tell?

She does not want to face him, or anyone in the mansion, really.

And so she cries, shivering in the night, more lonely than she has ever felt.

It's how Abidin finds her, and her heart warms up just a bit, because he searched for her. Out of all the people in the mansion, he cared enough to show up.

He sits next to her, covering her with his coat, and, although she wants to refuse it at first, she ends up accepting it, even sharing it with him. It's so familiar to her, his presence. It makes her remember the girl she used to be, who happily responded to his love confession, before the ugliness of the forced marriage reared its head and separated them.

So she shares her fears and her shame with him. She shouldn't, but she does. Because she's tired, and it's late, and she feels lonely.

"Even if there isn't an us anymore, I will always be here for you, Suna," he tells her, tears in his eyes, emotion in his voice. "Because you're here," and he takes her hand and presses it on his chest, and she can feel his erratic heartbeats. Then their foreheads touch, he's so close that she could kiss him, and for a few moments, it's like nothing happened between them, and there's still Suna and Abidin against the world.

Except it's not like this.

Except, she remembers with the bitter clarity of someone who has endured hell, where was he when she needed him before?

An image forms in her head, a memory from a few days earlier - Halis kicking them out of the house, Abidin looking from a distance, simply watching her leave. Then Kaya telling her "I would have never allowed them to kick you out of the house had I been at home."

When her thoughts go to Kaya, something very similar to guilt squeezes her heart, and she stands up quickly.

What is she doing?

She leaves without a word, before Abidin can say something else.

*

A part of her had expected Kaya to be angry, like he had been the previous night, but his tone is calm when he asks her where she had been, and he does not ask her any extra questions when she says she wanted to be alone.

Instead, here it comes, the lecture she dreaded. He tells her that she needs to control herself, because Pelin is pregnant, and she's really not in the proper state of mind to listen to this, especially not after the hurricane of emotions she went through earlier.

So she just snaps at him that it would be better for him to go to bed instead of talking about Pelin, and then goes to bathroom, closing the door behind her. She opens the water, lets it run, before crumbling on the floor, her strength completely vanishing.

There's really no one to support her, no one, no one.

She doesn't touch Kaya that night, and he doesn't touch her either.

*

In the morning, after yet another match with Pelin, and another lecture, this time from İfakat, Suna goes to meet her sister, and Kaya follows her to the car, even if she tries her best to push him away.

She doesn't exactly know why she does this. After all, his words of caution are not that different from İfakat's words. İfakat, too, told Suna that she can't attack Pelin, and that she won't be able to support her otherwise, but well.

Maybe it stings because out of the two, it was Kaya who promised her unconditional support, not İfakat.

"Is her pregnancy the only reason you are defending her?" she can't help but bite at him, as soon as he talks again about Pelin being pregnant and Halis kicking them out of the mansion if anything were to happen because of them.

Kaya blinks in disbelief. "What are you insinuating, Suna? Just say it directly."

And she can't, not really, especially after last night's scene with Abidin, which she still feels a bit guilty for. So she quickly changes the topic. "This girl is my enemy, and my enemy should also be your enemy. It's that simple."

"You're still angry," he says, "and in fact, it would be better to not talk to Seyran in this state."

"You don't have to come, and I told you I need to speak to her," Suna snaps, because he's infuriatingly reasonable, and she can't deal with this. She feels like a naughty child, the way she has been scolded all the way to tomorrow, and she doesn't even fully realise it, but a part of her really needs to see how far can she go before he snaps back at her in turn.

But he doesn't; instead, he opens the door of the car for her, and then climbs up next to her, and they travel in silence.

*

The talk with Seyran does not go anywhere, and instead they end up hurting each other even more than before.

While Suna is indeed upset with Seyran for exposing her trauma without permission, she doesn't truly believe in what İfakat said, that her sister did what she did for money. It's not something the sister she knows and loves would have done.

But she's tired, tired of Seyran's self-righteousness, of how she considers Suna to be weak and wrong just because her goals and her way of navigating life are different, of the casual way in which she can hurt with careless words.

So when Suna leaves the money on the table in front of Seyran, it's deliberate. She does it because she wants Seyran to hurt, just like she is hurting.

But it does not bring her any satisfaction, and as she exits the restaurant where she met Seyran, she thinks that maybe Kaya was right, maybe she should have waited to talk more calmly.

Because now she has truly no one to turn to.

Except it's not like this.

Except Kaya is there, outside the restaurant, waiting for her, his words and gestures gentle.

"Come here, water fairy," he tells her, using the nickname which she had almost forgotten. "It's over, come to me."

He embraces her, and it's only then when she allows herself to crumble again.

It's not over, she knows. It's not over, because her heart would not be breaking so much, the rift between her and her sister would not deepen so much otherwise.

But he supports her.

She cries in the car, almost choking, and he's there, holding her, rubbing her back gently, placing kisses on her head. He's not putting pressure on her to tell him what happened.

He never put any pressure on her. Ever.

And in her heart, beyond all the pain and the sorrow, there is a new and scary feeling which she cannot properly identify, growing against all apprehension, against her fear of being humiliated, against everything she knew, or thought she knew, about herself.

*

That night, she turns towards him in bed, without a word, and she puts her head on his shoulder, and when his fingers start to gently comb her hair, she almost feels at peace.

2/2 Brians mom/sister scene is now up ‘OH FUCK YOU BITCH! Sidenote: he looks really fucking good. His life might be falling a part but he still looks good. Respect. Oh no, his stupid mom. Oh fuck you too. What kind of family is this? This is horrible, no wonder he is fucked up on drugs and alcohol and fucking everyon- actually nevermind that last one could just be a preference, fuck, this man would’ve died in 2020 lockdown. Wait, I’m getting distracted. Oh no this is hurting me. *pauses tv* DID YOU SEE THAT HESITATION! You could tell he was about to tell her off but he had to fully push himself to say fuck you to her because he’s still just a little kid inside. I will start a riot for him. And him only. Oh and my boy Elliot. This guy did not have to act this much in this scene because this all HURT’ (i have no clue who Elliot is btw when i asked he just went ‘oh you know *smacked his fist to his chest* my boy’) ‘SEE TED AND BRIAN HAVE POTENTIAL! Oh teddy, he is in love how do you not know!’ He is now sitting with crossed fingers and looking up in the ceiling ‘please no Ethan, please no Ethan. OH MY GOD! OH MY! Ha, a friend of his uncles..good one Justin, don’t you mean the love of his life? DID THE KID JUST SAY THE F BOMB AGAIN?! PUNCH HIM JUSTIN. HE WOULDVE PAYED HIM! SEE! EVEN NOW HE KNOWS THAT BRIAN IS THE BEST. *pauses tv again* JUSTIN WENT TO GET THE KID TO ADMIT HES LYING?! How are you gonna do that and then look me in the face and say you don’t care for him? HOW DARE HE WEAR HIS BRACELET! Justin, BEAT HIS ASS! It is your time to start throwing punches!’ ‘JUSTIN! CARL! DEBBIE!!! HE SAW THE BRACELET AND IMMEDIATELY WENT TO CARL!!! Of course Justin would know it has Brian’s initials and where he bought it! Totally normal. EXACTLY DEBBIE SHAME ON THEM! Now say that to his mom next! Aw he gave Justin the bracelet, i have never in my life cared this much about a bracelet’ ‘oh for fucks sake they’re actually gonna have a kid together? SPERM BANK! The kid can always find out who the dad is later in life. This is a recipe for disaster’ ‘HE IS SHOOTING UP! OH MY GOD DUDE IS PUTTING DRUGS IN HIS TUSHY!’ Anyway thee Britin scene is up! ‘AHHHHHH he took the bracelet back to him! LOOK HOW BRIAN IS LOOKING AT HIM! HE MISSES HIM! HE LOVES HIM. Makes me wonder how many times Justin tied up the bracelet for him *pauses tv and starts waving his hands around Britin* you see this? DO. YOU. SEE. THIS? THAT! Is called tension. *says it so that he basically pronounces every letter* SEXUAL TENSION! *hits play* They are about to fuck! Brian is gonna slam him into that wall and they are gon- BRIAN NO! WHY WOULD YOU REMIND HIM OF THE EXISTENCE OF THE ONE PERSON NOBODY WANTS TO BE REMINDED OF?! Even Justin looked disappointed at the reminder! This is pure bullsh- did he just toss the bracelet? *rewinds* HE DID! LOOK *rewinds it again while point at the tv* so hold the fuck up. You’re telling me, he stood there and let Justin tie a bracelet on his wrist only for him to take it off and toss it the second Blondie left and i’m supposed to pretend that the reason for that is not just so that he could feel his Blondies touch? Just so that he could have him for one more second? BUT WHY TAKE IT OFF? Is he mad that he reminded him of *makes a face like he just smelled rotten eggs* him? Or is he just not feeling it right now?’ Now usually he would go outside after an episode but he is on a time crunch so he immediately went to ep 5. He has physical therapy today and I’m honestly scared that it was a bad idea to watch this before he went.

He’s still just a little kid inside. I will start a riot for him. I am sobbing right now, he totally gets Brian.

I have never in my life cared this much about a bracelet. LOL so true.

DUDE IS PUTTING DRUGS IN HIS TUSHY. DYINGGGGGGG.

The sexual tension of that scene is so thick it can only be cut with a knife.

i’m supposed to pretend that the reason for that is not just so that he could feel his Blondies touch - MMHMM. EXACTLY.

(Saying a prayer for his PT…)