My dear lgbt+ kids,

Many years ago I watched a documentary about interabled couples (meaning that one partner is disabled, the other one isn't).

They interviewed multiple couples and asked how they met, what their friends and family think of the relationship, things like that. I don't remember most of it (I can't even tell you if it was an actual movie-length documentary or just a short piece in the local news) but there was one story that always stuck with me:

An autistic man had a crush on a woman he regularly saw at his doctor's office. So he decided to write her a letter. He wrote down a detailed description (if I recall correctly it was multiple pages long) of how their relationship could look like: date ideas that would be safe and enjoyable for him, situations in which he may require her support or help, possible communication struggles they may face and ideas on how to deal with them etc. The next time he saw her at the doctor's office, he handed her the letter. She read it, smiled and said "This says you can't go dancing with me because loud music overwhelms you. But I really love dancing. Could we dance at home if you are in control of the music volume?". He said "Yes" and she said "Okay, then let's do that"... and they have been a happy couple ever since.

I love that story. Honestly, I wish someone would come up to me and hand me a letter like that!

There are so many unspoken rules in the dating world that (neurotypical) people oftentimes just expect you to know and understand - especially the whole "be mysterious, play hard to get, don't scare people off by being too honest" stuff can be really confusing! His letter feels like an antidote to that. He clearly communicated his individual set of "rules" (boundaries, needs, wants). It may be my autism speaking, but this sounds like the ideal way to start a relationship for me: they were both on the same page from the get-go rather than having to guess what the other one wants.

As someone who has been rejected for being too honest and talking about boundaries too early, it feels comforting to me to know that someone did exactly that and was so successful with it.

I mentioned this old story to a friend a few days ago - and they didn't think it was cute. In fact, they were shocked and disgusted by it. That sounds incredibly toxic, they said. You can't just hand your partner a set of rules at the beginning of the relationship and demand they stick to them forever. Those things need to be an ongoing conversation that both partners get to contribute to. Love isn't a business contract that one person writes and the other just signs off on. Treating it like one is a red flag. And quite frankly, they'd feel super creeped out if a quasi-stranger wrote multiple pages about a relationship they didn't even agree to yet!

And you know what? I absolutely believe that my friend is right - and I also believe that I am right. It could be cute and it could be a red flag.

This goes for all kinds of relationships but it's especially important for those of us who have unique or less common "rules"/needs (which could be because you are neurodivergent, disabled or chronically ill but also be lgbt+-related, e.g because you are ace or aro): Doing things differently is not by default toxic - and not by default wholesome, either.

That letter could be a great starting point for healthy ongoing communication in a relationship... and it could also be toxic if it is used as a binding contract that doesn't allow any further conversation.

Apart from a few obvious exceptions, we can't really make a definite list of things that are always good or always toxic when it comes to dating/relationships - we need to think of things in context. And that goes for the "standard route" as well as for more unique approaches.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

(P.S: For the record, I'm sure that the couple in the documentary does have ongoing, healthy communication!)

You think robotnik has a soft spot for all animals in general? Like he said that he hates all humans and wants them to die, but never said anything bout creatures other than humans. You think when he was an orphan, he hung out with animals because he was lonely? So much so that he's now a sorta animal whisperer? Would he get really pissed off at humans and emotional because he saw a post on social media saying that there are under 10,000 red pandas left because of habitat loss?

A thought that just popped up when looking at animal videos

I think so, yeah!

I like the idea that when Robotnik was a kid, he befriended a stray once and named him Gizmo. Pets weren’t allowed at the orphanage and he was never with any foster family long enough to have a pet of his own, so he more or less claimed Gizmo as his buddy. He tried making friends, originally, but no one cared to stick around him long, and they all thought his intelligence and bluntness were him being smug and arrogant.

That really wasn’t the case though, not when he was still a kid, he was just a very gifted autistic kid with a passion for robots, which stemmed into building and creating technology. He got in trouble a lot for taking things apart and rebuilding stuff in the orphanage and foster homes, but he’d just wanted to show off things he was proud of and be told he did a good job! Never happened though. Eventually kids got meaner and would take things that he thought were his and in trying to defend the items he was attached to, would get scolded by adults and still have them taken from him. So eventually he began keeping more to himself unless directly approached, though even that rarely went in his favour.

Gizmo was the only real connection he’d felt in a long time, so whenever he was able, he would hang around outside with him, feed him scraps, and give him all the best belly rubs he could! As he got older though, Robotnik would see his only friend less and less and eventually had to attend school too far to keep him nearby.

His love for animals in general remained into his adult years, but much more… locked away tight in the private vault of his feelings.

Having grown jaded and bitter towards the world and humans as he aged due the neglect and cruelty he’d so often faced, Robotnik threw away any joyful piece of himself, or he liked to think. He’d actually just tucked them so deep within his being that he believed they were gone, but they were there, still burning with passion, with the hopeful, excited child from his past. It’s where all his vulnerability was stored, and very little did anything slip past his mental firewall.

Until Stone was in the picture, that is. Things slipped through the cracks far more often when Stone was there, and Robotnik felt like he was flailing in the dark trying to keep water in a broken bowl, more or less. He was passionate about issues one might not expect of such a seemingly cold hearted man, things like endangered animals and species, world health, anything that wasn’t directly human. It wasn’t that he inherently thought humans deserved to die, but up until that point he’d never met anyone who was deserving of the planet they lived on, of the things they all took for granted. They were deceitful, selfish, and liars. They could all burn for all he cared. The world had turned a blind eye to him, so he would do the same to it.

Except for… Stone. Of course. Stone was the only person in his eyes worth anything, the only one he could trust, who wouldn’t lie, who wouldn’t neglect, who wouldn’t scold and belittle for things that he couldn’t control. Even if the man caused him distress and frustration in ways he never expected, ways that made him have to face feelings he’d thought he’d tossed aside.

Stone brought up the idea of a cat in the lab, of course, under careful regulation so it didn’t interfere with any of the doctor’s work. He’d found a stray he’d been taking care of on his ways too and from work, and at first, Robotnik refused, absolutely forbid such a nonsensical thing. But truth be told he missed Gizmo. It aches, recalling how they shouted and told him no, how he’d never gotten to say goodbye to the stray he related so much to.

Eventually he gave in. He always did with Stone, as much as it went against his own virtues. The smile on the mans face, he decided though, was worth every bit of dilemma. Robotnik was finding that there was a lot of things he deemed ‘worth it’, if it meant he could see Stone’s smile. All he could really bring himself to do is roll his eyes at how soft he felt he was getting around the man. And the cat.

ok so audhd rant/asking for advice

we had a psychologicist come to the class to explain autism and adhd today. the reason why is bc i have faced a lot of discrimination, ableism and bullying from my peers bc of my disorders. my teachers felt we should all learn what the words mean and why they should never be used as insults, and how that can affect someone, which is a nice sentiment.

the person they picked was recommended by my mother, which should've been my first warning sign, bc try as she might my mother does not understand the autistic community. she trusts the professionals which is good bc im not a doctor and they're qualified, i get it; but also i dont fucking trust professionals to understand me because not once did my doctors help me understand when i was diagnosed. i asked to meet her before she came to the school, but my mom insisted she was great so i held back and tried to be hopeful, because even if a lot of my experience with professionals has been negative doesn't mean they're all bad and ignorant

anyways, she was exactly like every other psychologist ever and explained everything in the most basic way ive even seen. she literally sounded like the people who explained my diagnoses to me when i got them at age 11 and those mf's were literally useless. it took me years to actually understand what my disorder meant and i only figured it out by talking to other people with autism and adhd instead of reading shit by professionals and autism moms. the way we are portrayed by psychiatrists is not my experience at all and they often use outdated language and speak in very broad terms and don't bring up any of the things that i find important. i know not everyone with adhd and autism is the same but i genuinely cannot relate to the way they talk about us at all. like, this psychiatrist didn't even mention executive dysfunction and kept talking about how it "isn't an excuse" and fucking everyone agreed.

i feel like almost an anti-vaxxer, claiming i know better than doctors, so i genuinely do try to understand and accept doctors but i just cant fucking stand it. am i wrong for thinking she's wrong? like she has a degree, but she also doesn't seem to understand me and idk if im just a weird outlier even in my neurodivergence or if im right and she doesn't truly understand. like im not a doctor, im just a person who has these disorders but i genuinely feel misrepresented and like all these explanations are for other people to understand that they have to put up with me. i feel infantilised and really fucking bummed. like, i knew she wasn't gonna be perfect bc she isn't actually in the community but the level of generalization and misinformation was so disappointing

i feel fucking crazy. cause who am i to disagree with her when she's the professional, yk?? im no one. they won't listen to me. my classmates can't empathize with me like they do each other, and so many of them think they get it bc they're white teenage boys with adhd that are low support(and im happy for them that they feel good about it!! genuinely! and not saying they aren't valid, but in my experience many of them tend to unknowingly invalidate other people with the disorder who are different than them/have higher support needs) and can't seem to understand that other people have different experiences and struggles with the same disorder. i also live in a very conservative city, and even if the school is more liberal, we are still very high in MUF(the moderate party's youth) and you can tell because everyone i know is either apolitical or conservative, except me and the three leftists. it's a hostile environment, and i feel like im rambling but whatever. i needed to get it off my chest

I know it's problematic but I've been watching The Good Doctor since season 1. I am aware of the issues, and I have had some of my own issues with the series aside from the autism representation, but after the first episode of the new season I'm really having mixed feelings.

First off, I think it's great that the new character Charlie is played by an actual autistic actor, Kayla Cromer. I've been meaning to watch Everything's Gonna Be Okay since I'm also a fan of Please Like Me (also written by John Thomas, who is himself autistic), and I think it's great for her to get a role on such a high-profile show.

But I'm honestly not sure how I feel about the character. As far as I know, I'm not autistic, and there could be people like her in real life. If you are autistic and relate to her, I think that's great! And if you're autistic and think my take on this is off-base, feel free to say so! But based on criticisms I've seen of autistic representation both on this series and in other works, I can't help but feel like it's a continuation of the stereotype of autistic people not having boundaries. Charlie kind of feels like a female Shaun, except she's a girl so she wears girly clothes and likes Taylor Swift.

I get what the writers are going for by having Shaun have to deal with things in a leadership position that he wouldn't have had the same perspective on when he was a resident himself. I'm slightly concerned that it's going to get regressive and say that the traits that got Shaun where he is were a problem all along, even though I don't think that's going to be the takeaway, since it wasn't the takeaway before, but I'm unsure about how this is going to go as the season progresses. Charlie stims in a way that is more problematic that anything we've seen Shaun do, which seems like it could be a legitimate concern for autistic people in some professions, so I'm curious to see how they will explore that.

I do like that we get to see Charlie connecting with one of the other residents over a common interest, because I think there's a stereotype of autistic people shunning social connection that just isn't true. But I just feel kind of iffy about her character in general and how so far she doesn't seem to offer much of a new perspective on autism representation for the show.

Again, if you totally disagree with me I'd love to read your response, I'm just summing up my initial reaction based on what I remember from the episode.

I think my most cherished childhood memory is when my mother (not a doctor) told my teacher that I was “normal” and didn’t have a learning disability and shouldn’t need to be tested for one.

Anyway, 19 years later I’m diagnosed in adulthood as adhd and autistic and I have had so little help managing my mental illness because now I’m an adult and have no time to work on myself that as a result I can’t even focus my brain to accomplish one task in the two minutes it takes my brain to completely switch gears to the next task it wants to do. Trying to fall asleep is (no pun intended) a nightmare.

If you don’t have adhd the best way I can describe it to you is imagine that sense right after you’ve had a cup of coffee combined with trying to keep yourself entertained on the modern internet; except that’s all day every day and there is no turning it off.

I have audio processing disorder, so if there’s even a slight hum of a florescent light in the room I might not even hear half the things you’ve said. I have what’s called a Recap Difference; I can read something three or four times to myself and still couldn’t remember what it said, and if I did, there’s a good chance I didn’t get the meaning because all of the words jumble together on the page and become a huge block of noise. I have terrible time blindness; I cannot tell you how long ten minutes is, ten minutes is a nebulous amount- it could be one minute that felt like ten or an hour that felt like ten, in my mind they are honest to god the same amount of time and I don’t mean it- I am constantly late to things.

I have a silent illness that due to unfortunate circumstances I am still unmedicated for. It’s a recognized disability by the ADA yet it’s still treated like a punchline by people who don’t have it. If you’ve ever said you have “adhd” because you have a couple more tabs open on your browser than most and that’s it, I don’t want to talk to you. If you’ve ever said “everyone has a little adhd these days, get over it” I don’t want to talk to you. A young girl with adhd cries on TikTok because she asked for accommodations that she is legally allowed to ask for and the internet as a whole roasts her.

I’m tired of telling people and employers that I have adhd to only get a glazed look in their eyes like “oh, that’s nice, anyway, let me continue to treat you like you’re neurotypical then get mad at you when you’re not.” I didn’t ask for this shit, and any help I might’ve gotten in the past is in the past (it’s almost impossible to get an autism screening as an adult). I’m tired of navigating a world that was not built for me in mind. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep some nights because I can’t STOP thinking. I’m just tired.

Rant From An Autistic Person:

TLDR: Stop using mental illness as an excuse for your Villains

I think I’m starting to realise that a lot of Slashers have a lot in common with Autistic people. But I’m not sure how we’re supposed to feel about this. Obviously we all in this community, adore our Slashers, but that’s because we all understand they are fake. They have now real bearings in our world, and therefore cannot hurt anymore. No real people suffer as their victims.

But shouldn’t we take offence to this? Because most of the time it’s neurotypical people writing these stories and directing/working/staring in these films.

Like let’s talk about some non horror aut sic characters first. And do correct if I’m wrong, but I believe both of these characters are Canonically autistic.

The most well known would be Sheldon form the Big Bang Theory. Everyone quotes him as autistic representation all the time. Now of course he’s only one demonstration of the neurotype, but at the end of the day it’s still representation. From the autistic community, I hear complaints that’s he’s just a basic Cis/het white man with “high functioning” autism. (Although we do not use functioning labels, or the term Asperger’s anymore, that was at the time what he was stated to have) And from the neurotypical side people still call him odd, but they are more excepting of his traits because they aren’t as “burdensome” on society. He’s just seen a “quirky”.

Another example that falls under the same quailfiers would be Shaun from The Good Doctor. Again, played by a neurotypical person, not someone who actually has autism. And people infantilise his character whenever he’s showing that he need higher support efforts. But then everyone praises him because “wow, I didn’t know autistic people could be doctors” which is incredibly insulting. But most people accept him because again, he’s just “a little quirky”

But back to the slasher community. There are people out there that think we are disgusting because we enjoy slashers/gore/horror. Because they are unable to separate reality, from fiction, or at least not as severely as we do.

I vividly remember getting bullies in school and someone saying “(Dead name’s) gonna be the school shooter, just you wait” because I did not hide my love for the horror genre. And I don’t see why I should have to. But that statement, it killed me inside. Do you know how awful it is to have to try and defend yourself from a statement that heavy? It was like the weight of the entire universe was thrown on my shoulders, and I was just expected to take it as a “joke”.

But this girl genuinely thought that because at the time I was Interested in learning about the Lizzie Borden case, that that meant I wanted to hurt people. I was also dressing fairly alternative at this time. I made its know that I wanted to be a mortician. (I still do, I’m just figuring all that stuff out though cause jobs are hard, lol) I sometimes have what neurotypical people would consider an “inappropriate” reaction to death, or dead things. I enjoy collecting bones, and learning about cannibalism, autopsies, taxidermy, entomology… So I get excited when I get to participate in my special interests.

But this makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and I’m tired of them making that my problem. Having a fascination with the dead, doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to become a killer. I have so much respect for dead things, I ask the Earth before I pick it’s flowers, or use any of its resources. Because as a Witch, that is a part of my specific path and spirituality. But again, that does not help my case because a lot of people think witches like me are satanists who want to sacrifice babies and goats or some shit.

Some people may just say these are harmless jokes, or overexaggerations, and that nobody really means it when they say these things. But you don’t get to make that call. The person saying the offensive things doesn’t get to decide if it’s offensive or not. That’s like saying a white person gets to decide if black face is racist or not. These jokes propitiate harmful stereo types, and can be passed on to people who don’t know any better. And you can’t say that all autistic people won’t understand, because even if one of us isn’t “smart” enough to understand your words directly, it’s still effects us at the end of the day.

Over and over again we are othered and forgotten about. We’ve been plagued by the curse of being forced to exist in a world that was built for us. We’re made to feel unsafe, and risk our own health to make everyone else feel “comfortable” with our existence. I mean even the diagnostic criteria isn’t an accurate depiction of what autism acatully is. Instead of defining us by what we can do, and experience and change in the world, we’re defined by how much of a nuisance we’re are perceived to be on society.

Instead of saying stuff like “Autistic people have an amazing capacity for learning and retaining information about subjects they are passionate about.” It’s always “Autistic people can’t hold conversations and obsess of silly things. They don’t know how to shut up about it, and it annoys me. Therefore they are being rude.”

So I bring us back around to our beloved Slashers. Do you guys realise how many of them are non verbal? I mean there’s Jason Voorhees, Micheal Myers, Bubba Sawyer, Thomas Hewitt…. That’s a trait that’s commonly seen as a bad thing to neurotypical people. Parents will cry about how their children “can’t communicate” with them, but they never stop to observe their child’s different ways of nonverbal communication. They assume just because they can’t talk or articulate themselves, they must be “stupid” or “slow” or “low functioning”, but that’s simply not true. A mute neurotypical person can’t talk, but they’re still smart. Their lives are still worth living and celebrating. But Autistic people aren’t afforded the same luxury, simply because nobody wants to put in the effort.

It doesn’t help that people often turn to Autism Speaks for all their neurodiverse questions. When that company literately spreads lies and misinformation. And tortures innocent children, simply because they are express themselves differently. ABA therapy is literally just forcing autistic people to fit into a allistic mould. It’s dangerous and harmful, an frankly disgusting.

Do you know how many parents I see how do nothing but complain about their children? Parents who genuinely believe they would be better off if they killed their children. Parents who’ve actually gone through with it, and some of which never get charged because “oh they were under a lot of stress, it was understandable.” I’m tired of society treating all disbaled people like we don’t matter. Like we’re nothing more than a sob story to get them sympathy points. I hate seeing parents film their children in their most vulnerable moments while they are having a meltdown for “educational” purpose. Especially if their child is unable to consent, it’s vile, and inexcusable.

There so many of us who try to help and educate, yet no one will actually listen to the marginalised groups about how to help us. The same way some white people will only care about racism, if another white person is calling them out on it. If a black personality dared to do that they are “rude” and “argumentative”. Or the way people are saying “Hellen Keller can’t be real; how could she communicate, I don’t believe it.” As if there aren’t thousands of Deaf/Blind people who exist to their day telling you how hurtful that sentiment is.

Do you guys know the first thing a person with a disability or chronic illness hears when they talk about their struggles? It’s always “you’re so brave” or “If I were you, I would kill myself.” Because we will always be viewed as a problem. We’ll never be defined by more than our “worst” traits. We ask people to call us “disable person” and they say “person with a disability” or “Differently abled” or autistic person” and they say “person with autism” because they literally have to remind themselves that we are also people. I can’t take off my disabilities, I can’t shove them in a little box for safe keeping. They are part of who I am, they are the building blocks designing how I have to live my life. My foundation may be a little unsteady, but that doesn’t mean you have to tear down my house right away. Let it’s fall on its own time, it doesn’t matter if it happens a little sooner then the rest of the houses on the block.

Autistic people are often quotes to have “no empathy” when really we just have a difference in empathy. Having more empathy doesn’t make you better than someone else. And having low empathy doesn’t make you a bad person. So it hurts my heart that in the media we consume, neurodivergent people often end up relating to the villain. Of course, most villains are also queer coded, but I’ll save that lecture for another time.

People seem to think when they hear the sentence “I relate to Micheal Myers” that I’m talking about finding joy in killing or hurting people. But they never stop to ask what I mean by that. They never sit and think “oh, maybe they relate to being mentally ill, and forced into getting help against their will, and not being understood.”

You guys do know we’re are supposed to be routing for Samuel Loomis in that movie right? He’s supposed to be the hero, the good guy, the man who stops the boogeyman. But we don’t, because we see that he’s also a horribly flawed human being. He treats his patients like shit, and some of his tactics are borderline criminal. He’s not better than Micheal, but he’s not the one with a “scary” mental illness.

Take Carrie white for instance. I think she is honestly one of the better examples of a Slasher who exhibits autistic traits. She takes things literally, has difficulty socialising and making friends. She doesn’t understand when she’s being bullied at first. Her own mother babies her, until she stops listening and being obedient. And what does her mother do? Try to fucking murder her own child because she’s “unruly” and “need to be punished.” Sure it’s an extreme example, but this happens to far more autistic people in real life than you’d think. Carrie was fine, until she was pushed yo the edge. She could have lived her whole life, happy and exploring her powers. Maybe even been a hero instead, but she wanted adored that luxury. Sue is the only one that really understood her, which is why she was spared. And she’s the only one who will ever know what a gem Carrie was before she was made to be a monster.

Norman Bates is also a really good example of an autistic person I think. Of course the more obvious diagnosis everyone focuses on is the Dissociative Identity Disorder (formally knows as Multiple Personality Disorder) (also how weird is it that there are two Freddie Highmore characters on this list, I think I could probably fit more in if I search other genres) But if you watched the show, instead of just the original movie, you get to see a lot more of his personality. You actually get to understand Norman as a person, before seeing him as the antagonist. He too has awkward speech, he gets upset by change, he doesn’t understand when someone is flirting with him. He feels his emotions very instantly, and does have violent outbursts during his meltdowns. But do they show us this to humanise him? No, they added it to his character because it’s entraining to watch mentally I’ll people get pushed to their limits. We are a spectacle to behold.

Dr Herbert West form the Reanimator series! Another genius level autistic intellect! He has a special interest in science and dead things. They could have made him a character who found the cure to cancer or HIV. But no, it was more entailing to make him a wanna be Frankenstein’s, and cross moral boundaries for his own gain. And if you asked anyone why he did it it’s “because he’s crazy” not “because he wanted to” They almost always blame the mental illness, not the person who has the illness.

It’s the reason Aaron Stampler gets away with his crimes in Primal Fear. He faked a mental illness so he would get put in a mental facility instead of rotting in jail. Instead of being “Aaron Stampler, the killer.” He’s “Aaron Stampler, the killer with multiple personalities!” Or Split, the movie that just antagonises DID for no reason whatsoever. There’s clearly a supernatural element in that movie with “The Beast” so why not make it’s a movie about possessions? I would have loved to watch a story where The Beast posses poor little Kevin’s body, and makes him do horrible things. But no, instead we stick with the trope that all people with DID are unpredictable and dangerous. And that they all have an “Evil alter”

I’ll never be ashamed of my love for the horror community again. Because I know my place, I know my moral standing, and I have done nothing wrong. If people want to assume my special interests or jobs or hobbies make me a bad person, then that’s their problem. I cannot force anyone to open up their ears and listen to me, but I also won’t stand idly by and watch as people who don’t know what they’re talking about, do harm to my communities. These are my people, and I love them, and will defend them with my last breath. We need to destigmatise mental illness, because too many people die each year because they are made to feel like villain, or like their lives aren’t worth living. And that’s not ok with me.

Recent examples of me not understanding people

So, that whole interaction I started to feel bad about insulting @adurot. I knew he was fine... probably... he's not actually upset, right?... Let me just message him on discord in a friendly manner, so he knows I'm not actually being mean... Okay, cool. He doesn't seem upset... I think.

Anyway, I always have to double check with myself to make sure I'm not screwing up somehow.

TL;DR below - I might be autistic. Here's some stuff on my mind.

Another time: I was telling my sister that I took this lady home from work and that she reminded me of her. Her personality seemed similar and she was very talkative with other passengers. I'm an airport shuttle driver, by the way. But she would talk and just the pitch of her voice hurt my ears. I was wincing in the driver's seat and very uncomfortable. She wasn't screaming or yelling, just naturally very loud and friendly. I was not enjoying that ride. My sister took this to mean I was saying she was super annoying and called me rude for it. They were two different facts, but just happened to be from the same person.

I think I might be a little autistic, not just anxious. I asked my doctor for a test and they referred me to some other place that responded with "your insurance won't cover it, but it will go toward your deductible. The test is $2500." So that was an instant NOPE. I told my sister I might be autistic and she said "I can see you being on the spectrum." My friend said "Honestly, sometimes you say things that would definitely fit with you being autistic."

A quick "signs you might be autistic" search on the googly said

finding it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling.

getting very anxious about social situations.

finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own.

seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to.

finding it hard to say how you feel.

(X) taking things very literally – for example, you may not understand sarcasm or phrases like "break a leg"

having the same routine every day and getting very anxious if it changes

(X) not understanding social "rules", such as not talking over people

avoiding eye contact

getting too close to other people, or getting very upset if someone touches or gets too close to you

noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not

having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities

liking to plan things carefully before doing them

and I find all of these except the (X) ones to be true. Well, I don't know what other social rules I might be breaking, but I don't talk over other people and tend to stop talking when someone talks over me and get lost in the background. And I like to plan things, but I'm fine with being spontaneous sometimes.

I also have ADHD and that messes with me too. I actually forgot I had ADHD for a long time before it suddenly came back to me one day. I don't even remember what triggered the memory. I was also diagnosed with depression in middle school from a therapist. Fucking hated that dude. I can't feel safe talking to a therapist because of him. And talking about my other mental health problems, I'm trans too. Depression has diminished since I came out, both to myself and people around me, though it hasn't gone away. Like, I wanna be a girl, but I can't convince myself that I would make a good one, and call myself they/them instead. "Maybe 'she' if I'm feeling pretty." This day has not come. Though I have one discord group calling me she/her and it feels good. I just never corrected them into saying they/them. Sometimes it feels like lying.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. If you read all that, good for you. I would have lost interest a while ago. Thanks for that. Feel free to say hi. I cannot guarantee that I will be able to hold a conversation or keep in touch, but I like to meet new people. I'm not good at reaching out either.

Due to reasons, I need to talk about my issues with the topic of "healthy eating" for a moment. I am not someone you'd expect to be outright triggered by diet talk because I didn't grow up fat and never exactly had an eating disorder. Now I am what people tend to call "small fat" and have tons of food allergies and sensitivities, but all of this started long before that.

So what happened there? I only dimly remember that people kept telling me I needed to eat better and exercise more and then surely my mystery symptoms would disappear. This was when I was 16 or so and we didn't have internet at home, so all I could do was read books and magazines. I quickly noticed that no one agreed on what exactly "healthy eating" meant. Instead of following the first piece of advice I found or haphazardly combining them all into "everything except vegetables is bad", I took the autistic route and tried to find The Truth.

This turned out to be impossible. People were still urging me to eat healthy and I just could not fucking figure out what that meant. At one point, I decided to at least cut out sweets because those were pretty unanimously considered bad, and I took this so far that I actually convinced myself and started telling everyone I didn't like sweets, so years later I suddenly had to somehow get it through my mother's head that this had only been a phase and I would indeed appreciate receiving sweets on birthdays and holidays.

Of course it had no effect whatsoever. Neither did the year I was vegetarian.

Another thing I remember is that my mother bought some kind of diet book for herself and I read it, too. But all the recipes in there used ingredients I had either never heard of or we just never had in the house, and many of them were expensive. Did my mother learn how to make any of these dishes or start buying the ingredients at least a little more often? No! I had this book and the knowledge that I was Supposed To Eat Healthy but absolutely no idea how to accomplish it, while at the same time questioning if the information in the book was even true because all other sources always contradicted each other.

Then my biology teacher saved me. We did this segment in class where she gave us a book on food myths and each student had to pick a chapter to hold a speech on. I think I chose the one about calories, which was not completely anti-dieting but mostly focused on the inaccurate methods used to determine how many calories different foods supposedly contain. The book was, in general, not quite on the level of modern fat acceptance but maybe 80% of the way there. I'm amazed she got away with teaching us that in class.

Now armed with the knowledge that there was actually a lot that science didn't know yet, explaining all the conflicting information I had seen, I felt reassured that I wasn't just "being difficult", but unfortunately I was still sick and people still kept telling me I had to eat better, exercise more, go to bed earlier, practise good sleep hygiene (which includes not eating late at night), and so on. My timeline of events is completely scrambled and I don't know if I continued making any half-assed diet attempts after that.

Fast forward to when I was 21 and my boyfriend's doctor told him that he had to lose weight in order to fix a health issue that had definitely not been caused by weight gain, which seemed illogical to me. He was on meds that would make losing weight very difficult, so I was concerned, and we had internet now. I stumbled upon fat acceptance blogs in my research, which reminded me of that book from biology class. It became a bit of a special interest.

Not much later, I developed fibromyalgia and also started hanging out on chronic illness blogs as well as those that combined the two topics. I learned a lot about various health conditions including ones I do not have and never even suspected I might have. I learned that doctors could not be blindly trusted, that symptoms being written off as psychosomatic was quite common, that most food-related pop "science" was still bullshit, that sustained deliberate weight loss was almost impossible and no one had even proven it would help.

Then I gained weight for the first time, without any changes in my eating habits or activity levels. I suspect, but cannot confirm, that this happened because I developed a sensitivity to wheat and one of my body's reactions to continuing to eat it was weight gain for some reason. Eventually it got so bad that I had painful diarrhea on a regular basis and started avoiding certain foods, got tested for Celiac's and lactose intolerance, tested negative, didn't understand what was going on but continued to avoid wheat and eventually also oats. The weight started to slowly come off. (I was not, according to any definition, eating "healthier" than before as a result of avoiding these ingredients btw.)

By then I had reached a point where being confronted with diet talk of any kind would give me panic attacks. It wasn't that the blogs made my existing issues worse; they just opened my eyes to how much I'd been mistreated for a decade and at the same time I was still constantly exposed to medical gaslighting. I was being actively retraumatised, of course it got worse! The food thing was just one trigger out of several, and I guess I became particularly sensitised to it for two reasons: because being confronted with misinformation and disrespect for the scientific method already tends to feel awful for many autistics, and then the nature of my trauma also made me overreact to pretty much anything that contradicted my lived experience.

I had tried many "lifestyle changes" without seeing any improvements in my health. I had gained weight without changing anything and lost it again without eating less or exercising more. I had even, at one point, tried to gain weight on purpose and failed?? Meanwhile my blood work always came back perfect no matter what my body currently looked like, much to my frustration since I was still looking for an explanation for my symptoms.

"Can't deal with claims that contradict my lived experience" is pretty much it. I also particularly love being told that sugar is addictive or some shit because I can sit next to a pile of sweets for hours without being tempted to eat it if I've already had enough sugar recently. There were times in my life where I had to rely on chocolate bars to get enough calories into my body, and let me tell you, those don't taste great when you're sick of sugar and don't want any more.

I just had to get this out of my system. I'm allowed to have strong feelings about this even though I never technically had an eating disorder. It all plays into my more general "authority figures invalidating my experiences" trauma anyway.

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Thank you for the tag @grace-of-creation 💛✨

Are you named after anyone? Yeah, after character from some silly TV show

When was the last time you cried? Duh, like yesterday. I live a sad life.

Do you have kids? A pass.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yeah, I breathe with it. Irony interchanges with sarcasm. It can be pretty hard to speak straight for a prolonged period of time.

What sports do you play/have played? I don’t. I’ve briefly done sport dancing and some kind of fighting (can’t remember the particulars)

What's the first thing you notice about other people? Idk. Their posture and manner of speech, I guess? They give off the general vibe. Maybe clothes for same reason, not quality or fashion, more of a personal style.

What's your eye colour? Green-gray, sometimes with segments of light brown. It’s changing from time to time. Sometimes they’re new leaves green and on one memorable occasion they were like a thunderstorm.

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, scary movies just upset me.

Any special talents? I am suspiciously good at finding logical or textual inconsistencies and discrepancies. Helps with script doctoring, noticing deception and other

Where were you born? Ukraine

What are your hobbies? Not much, mostly fandom existence. Thinking up fan theories, discussing different media, reading fics, not much else. Maybe gathering knowledge.

Do you have any pets? Yes, a Thai cat named Taya. (Don’t judge my naming abilities)

How tall are you? 168 cm

Favourite subject at school? It’d varied. ‘Cause heavily depends on the teacher. There were times when it was math, history, english, biology, geography etc. There is hardly a subject I couldn’t have liked with a decent teacher.(except PE, we hate PE)

Dream job? Idk. Something analytical, maybe to do with consulting people, that can support my needs and lifestyle. No dress code. Average amount of contact with other people. Maybe not heavily dependent on computer use.

I have fun with filling out quizzes or answering the questions (even if I am not always ready to disclose certain information)

who the hell are mutuals anyway (is being aware of each other’s existence is enough??) I gonna tag 𝒫𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝐹𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝑀𝓎 𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒾𝒻𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 that my memory retained, feel free to sent me to hell or ignore certain questions🖤💥

@babushka-pirata, @minahuston, @rated-a-for-awesome, @usearki, @whitetyger123, @an-autistic-with-personhood, @incorrectclassicbookquotes, @joris-jurgen, @sockdrawerdemon, @debellatis, @vulpes-ex-machina, @anonymouslylovesyou, @teaboot, @hilaritatis, @foofyschmoofer​

umm to that anon looking for a dx:

- drs tend to hate if u say a specific diagnosis so maybe just say symptoms. or like say something like "hey i heard (disorder) from friend so i wanted to talk to you about my symptoms", not "hey i think i have (disorder)" or else theyll probably shut you down and jump to conclusions that ur stupid and dont know anything about the disorder. also it may be good to include how/in what way your symptoms effect you in your daily life and your functioning and stuff.

- theyre hesitant to dx minors with BPD unless its severe bc they tend to wait to see if its temporary, like a part of their development, lol.

- therapists can not dx u w stuff unless they also are a psychologist

- psychiatrists can dx u with stuff but dont tend to do therapy. so they just tend to give u meds.

- meds are used to treat symptoms and not diagnoses. antipsychotics can be treated for other issues besides psychosis. ask them why they prescribed it, cus it might not just be that they think ur psychotic, bc they use it to treat several things. if they DO think youre psychotic and you think otherwise, ask them why and clarify your symptoms. idk if im reading this correctly and this is what was implied but i cant go back and check again cuz thatll delete my entire ask and ill have to rewrite everything sorry

- ask them what the side effects are. also if they refuse to tell u , its sus as hell

- ask them to reiterate what they think you said in their own words, to make sure they understand and ur both on the same page, to prevent miscommunication/misunderstsnding

source: i hate doctors misunderstanding me and this worked 99% of the time except with one doctor who was weird and sus as hell

apologies if this information is extremely obvious + everyone knows/does this, ive got no clue; im really autistic lol. im not trying to be condescending or anything. also at this point i forgot what was said in the original ask so um idk sorry

Too bad hi can't tag anons, but hi think that 🌌 anon will see it

Thank you!

I love to try to tell people at work that I'm a cynical person because I've worked through the pandemic and am currently working through the NHS collapsing in real time but I'm literally the most earnest person which is fine most of the time but sometimes people go out of the way to try to take the piss out of me.

I like being the person who trusts people, I like being the person who takes the words of others at face value. I know on some level it's to do with my being autistic that believing people's words is my first instinct.

I take joy and get really into things that people might think are strange to care about and I love that, but sometimes people seem to want to use that to make a joke.

at work today I made a genuine, inoffensive observation about a prescription chart. it was a kind of dorky thing to notice but didn't really warrant anyone taking exception to it.

one of my seniors turned around and in response said to me infront of a group of other doctors 'well, you'd better find an anaesthetist, or someone who gives a flying fuck' and then laughed and turned to the rest to try to egg them on to laugh as well.

I needed to keep in this doctors good books so I just turned back to what I was doing but it just felt so unnecessary and mean??

I also didn't want to try to defend myself because he'd managed to, very succinctly, make me feel like an idiot for saying what I'd said - which, again, was an extremely benign statement.

IDK I think it's just the same feeling as when you don't realise someone's being sarcastic or fucking with you and the entire joke is that you took someone's words at face value

Do you have any OCs? feel free to talk about them if you do

What was the first piece of media you engaged with on the internet? Are you still interested in it?

What's something you made or did that you're proud of?

What's something that made you smile this month?

AAIWWW.... THANK YOU...... I think this is my second ask ever. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ABOUT MY OCS !!!! Especially since it's so hard for me to come up with them and I finally did .... (based on a prompt on tumblr posted a long time ago ) So get this. There's this guy and he's your usual miserable pathetic sopping wet cat kind of guy and he gets fired from his job broken up with his girlfriend and kicked out of his home all on the same day .Because he's a loser like that. He spent the whoole day planning and stressing but nothing good comes out of it 😁So fast forward it's night and he's sleeping on a park bench with his suit from his office job still on tie wrinkled and everything with a newspaper for a blanket that flies away and his suitcase for a pillow . And then boom this random fella walks in and he's all dressed weird and it's craazy and the loser guy doesn't have time for this he's fed up.But the other guy persists and he starts talking in this strange foreign language and upon deeper inspection he's wearing these loong dramatic robes and clothing reminiscent of the 1200's Islamic golden age of iraaaq and he's speaking Arabic and he's like WHERE AM I????? And he TIME TRAVELLED. AND THEY FALL IN LOVE . AND THE LOSER SUIT GUY ACCIDENTALLY GOES BACK IN TIME and it's one of those things that is a funny comedic little thing with queer subtext that would've probably been popular in the superwholock era except it's not queerbaiting and there's a lot of angst The end ^_^ (I made some art but it's on my ipad and it's unfinished ... .You get the idea) RIGHT so first internet thing I engaged with was aall the way back when I was 11 and I was fixated on the trolls movie and I stumbled upon wattpad. Wattpad was like tumblr for me back then there was this whole community ANYWAY my 'mutuals' and I grew up and they all migrated to instagram where I eventually moved and it made me realise I was queer and autistic like the butterfly effect. I'm not interested in it as much of course but it's fun to think about and I'm grateful for it's effects on me .Also I'm excited for the upcoming third movie :^) A similar thing happened with me and dc/ lego batman movie but that's too much to get into. Something I made that I'm proud of uuheer I post all my art on instagram so there's that ^.^ I might also make some doctor who keychains for etsy I got into the artist seller grind .I should post my art more on here .And lastly you made me smile :-) ❤️🎀 .🌸

It feels like I've been trained since I was a child to pass the allistic Turing test, and since I take well to training, I can "do" that (?), so I must not be, and it's like turning out the same for my kid.

Except in situations where we have insufficient data to output a desirable human outcome, we completely lock up and break down and go and hide in the bathroom to cry and text our friends and literally Google normal human responses to normal human social situations because not once in our 30 years of on-the-job sink-or-swim you're-just-supposed-to-get-it training have we encountered this unique blend of human personalities and we have no idea how to respond. (when I say our I mean me and my husband because my husband is objectively autistic and my daughter is not 30)

Like, when I see she struggles with doctor's appointments, so I think, "You know, when I was her age I really would've appreciated a detailed breakdown of what's going to happen and what's expected of me," so I DO THAT THING FOR HER. But then that's the appointment I bring up getting an autism assessment because of all this empirical data I collected, only I've detailed-ly prepared her for this appointment, so her doctor looks at me like I'm stupid because she's way more confident and able to handle this appointment.

> hamilton

> you looked at me like I was stupid, I'm not stupid

Did you know today I texted a group of trusted people (who I've drunkenly confided in abt spectrum suspicions but not sober or explicitly) asking if they would hand-write or type and print a note to a professional mentor, but then I didn't have the courage (when they said hand-write) to ask if they would do it on lined or unlined paper? So I just didn't write the note at all because it caused me a great deal of anxiety wondering about this and evaluating the pros & cons of either option? And I couldn't tell which pros/cons would be a bigger deal to someone else, namely the person I have gotten to know over the past year?

I don't even know what I'm looking for? Validation, understanding, community, explanation, I guess. Tips on how to better pass the allistic Turing test, I guess. Not having to hide in a bathroom to cry anymore, probably, which I did as recent as one (1) month ago as a grown ass adult in my 30s because I finagled my way into a party of fellow parents which is a situation I've never been involved in before and promptly BSOD'd so bad I had to hide and text some safe friends about it.

I don't know where I was looking to go with this so I'll just end with this: I wish it wasn't so hard and I wish people were more forgiving and understanding. AI is scary but exciting and I can relate a lot to it and it makes me think a lot of thoughts about myself and the people I care about. I don't want my daughter to have to feel like I felt all the fucking time growing up. I want her to like herself and not hate herself because everyone around her doesn't understand and is confused and overwhelmed by her. I want better for her.

What good is passing the test on paper if realistically everyone can tell you didn't and hates you for it?

Bad rumination day today. I've been utilizing different techniques to ease the rumination, but some days, it happens so strongly that it leaves me frozen. Writing about it helps; reminding myself that this IS just rumination helps. It's just hard, coming face to face with the worst moments of my life on what should be a decent day.

Because today is fine. The weather is beautiful. I am safe. I got myself a decaf iced coffee with blueberry syrup- it is absolutely delicious.

I had another bad dream last night- I think that's why I'm in such a state.

I have been thinking about deleting my Instagram. I never post there. I used to use it to keep up with people, but I don't do that anymore either. Logging onto the app just makes me feel sad. It feels like a constant reminder of my failure to make friends.

Being autistic is one thing; combining that with a serious mental illness makes my life extremely hard. I've never known someone who gave me grace because of it- except H. I have been around people with similar problems, and I've seen them get second chances, and forgiveness, and patience, and, as self-pitying as it sounds, I've noticed time and time again that I am not given the same treatment.

I hate being self-pitying. I feel like if anyone I knew read this, they'd roll their eyes. It makes me feel so defeated. All my life, I've been begging people to take my problems seriously. My parents, teachers, peers, doctors, therapists...I don't understand why I am thrown to the wayside. It has to be the fact that I am autistic. I feel like it gives me some sort of aura to allistic people, "don't take this person seriously!", and like...

Having my personhood doubted...always being doubted in every capacity, throughout my life, in big and small ways...at a certain point, it makes me feel like I'm living in a psychological horror movie.

I have been through serious trauma- I have had more than one life threatening experience. I have been through some seriously fucked up shit. I remember after the worst night of my life, I had this grotesque hope that finally, FINALLY, someone would show me sympathy, someone would care, things had finally gotten bad enough to warrant love and patience, and life went on as normal. I went to school the next day. Nobody questioned my bruises. I had school security called on me when I broke down sobbing in class.

H thinks my brain sabotages me on good days. I think he's right. Every time something goes well, I am terrified. Things going well means an awaiting punishment.

So, on this gorgeous spring day, where everything is fine, my brain ruminates. Pain is comfortable. Expected.

The best rebellion, the best healing, is to keep going despite it. To fight for happiness and comfort. To keep practicing self advocacy, self care.

I will not give up. I will not give up.

Omg I've also had to explain the whole "you know the smiler is probably the safest rollercoaster in the world right now??" thing and people just do not get it.

Like "ya but they lost a leg so the ride isn't safe" ok but the ride literally did what it was supposed to do and stopped safely. It was overridden because of human error and that could happen anywhere, and is actually more likely at other parks right now because alton towers are gonna make damn sure it doesn't happen there again while some operators at other parks will go "couldn't happen to us bc we're smarter than that" and get complacent.

"ya but no leg??? So smiler is bad"

But then those same people didn't think twice about fairground rides? And like I love fairgrounds rides but uh I have had to stop the ops from starting the ride because they forgot to put my restraint down before so 😶

(also shout out to Adam from college that approved of going 140mph on the motorway without a seatbelt but said that anyone who went on the smiler obviously didn't care for their own safety)

(hope ur ok w this message i just get very autistic about theme parks and I wanted to let u know I've been there too. Also I agree oblivion is 100% in a different category and I'd never consider someone less of a fan of amusement rides for not liking blivvy bc fuck oblivion is something else)

Yooooooooo! Yah I am also super autistic about theme parks DW you're always welcome to talk to me about rides, sorry for late reply been working a lot (bleh)

Mmm, much like with Chernobyl "human error" is used as a milquetoast way to say "overtired workers", and should be considered as case studies in why workers rights are important for EVERYONE.

I remember at the time the hospital had said to the news they might have to amputate both legs and the lass played hell because she'd just spent like £600 on a tattoo sleeve for her other leg and she was like "I s2g, you DO NOT amputate THIS leg, I JUST had it done!" More annoyed about the prospect of losing those tattoos than the other leg, understandable lol, so the doctors were like "fair enough" and only had to amputate the one

Yeah, I've been to Alton Towers maybe 4 or 5 times as a teen, when my parents moved to England we were only like an hour's drive from Alton so it used to be the "if you fukcing behave we will take you to go on rollercoasters at the end of the year" school trip. I had just about left secondary school by the time they built the smiler though so missed out on that one :( Haven't had the chance to go back yet! (Nemesis holds a special place in my heart, love the coaster, love the blood waterfall) I went to go on Oblivion once to tackle my fear... and then after 20 mins in the queue the ride broke down and I took that as a sign from a higher power lmao

ALSO I was so sad when they got rid of the log flume! It had such good theming! ...Although I understand why. I've probably been to Drayton Manor more than any other theme park and I always hated that bloody boat ride. DEFINITELY needed bars rather than just relying on G-force...

Ohhhh fairground rides really are a different beast! I have gotten actual whiplash on the waltzers before because I'm tall enough now that i can't rest my head against the back unless I slump down in my seat

Had a similar experience with a restraint except I was on some graviton style thingy with carts that spin around a wheel sideways (upright into the air), and while the bar WAS lowered, they seated me (kid, maybe 11 or 12, malnourished as shit so my body-type's probably closer to that of an 8 or 9 yr old) next to a pretty giant dude. So the bar got lowered and its a full foot away from my chest and I just sort of have to lock my limbs against all the surfaces and wrap my legs around the bar like a fucking spider. LEGIT thought i was gonna die on that one.

But you want the epitome of fairground unsafe thrills meets actual rollercoaster speed? Go Blackpool Pleasure Beach! I fucking LOOOOVE Pleasure Beach, there are rides there that were built in the Victorian era, it's got my favourite rollercoaster -a wooden rollercoaster called The Grand National- and it's also got some beastly things

There's this... carousel? It's not exactly a carousel because it's in it's own dedicated room and goes REALLY FUCKING FAST, on the outer lane (there's like 6 lanes of horses!) it's legitimately terrifying, whole things built around an old organ that plays as the ride turns and it lasts AGES, you just have to cling to your horse and hope you dont eat shit on account of the speed

There's also the Steeplechase (idk why they're all horse themed...) this one is more carousel horses except THESE run on tracks, you've got a belt around your waste and their are motorbike style handles sticking out of the horse's head so it's a BIT more secure but if you let go and fell to the side (as is your want i suppose...) you would just be being dragged around by your waist. Now... The "charm" with this one is that as a small child it was quite thrilling, then I took my little brother when I was, oh i dunno 20 maybe?, and WHEN you're an adult, cresting those little jumps (again, horse themed) at maybe 40MPH means you get airtime. Which means you're flung a good foot off the horse for a few seconds and when you reach the BOTTOM of the hill you're gonna come crashing cunt first onto the PORCALINE horse. Which is considerably harder and sharper than an actual horse.

And you stumble off the ride like a cowboy and the attendant laughs at you with a knowingness that tells you he likes this part of his job. A lot.

140MPH?! Do you mean Kilometers?! Otherwise I think Adam's trying to meet the devil lmao

right-wingers are wrong

On some level, I understand people aren't going to understand me because I'm basically a wonk. I want to get into the nitty gritty details of policy, and work with people to find solutions that can be implemented. I want to be able to say, "this is the problem as I see it, and this is the solution as I see it. These are the downsides of the solution, but I consider it superior to other solutions for these reasons." And to consider all the reasonable options. This is, uh, not something that works well on social media))

I think this is why a lot of people are confused when I say things like "I think the way present-day doctors are handling youth gender transition is harmful and risks medicalizing a vulnerable population", and also "I am opposed to US right-winger's efforts to make youth gender transition illegal." To me, this follows, because I don't think the solution to things I think are weird or bad is always making them illegal. Think of the chaos this will cause - there are kids, right now, who are transitioning. What the hell is going to happen to their health if they are suddenly forced to stop transitioning because of laws? We don't know because it's never been done before. There is no way to provide them with good care like that.

Scientific problems need scientific solutions. We need more research, not less. We need research from all sorts of angles. Most studies on transgender youth, whether they are pro-youth transition (more recent ones) or against (Zucker) have the same problem: very high drop out rates. Like I'm serious, go back to some of the early ones from Zucker, and you will see high drop out rates. Go to newer ones, high drop out rates. What is happening? How can we draw conclusions about the effectiveness or lack thereof of transition when we start with a small sample size and it keeps getting smaller and we don't know why kids are dropping out?

We cannot answer questions like "what is dysphoria? Where does it come from? How effective are transitioning relating treatments? How do we know which kids will continue to have dysphoria at age 18, and which ones will lose dysphoria over time and not be dysphoric at age 18? Are popular sexist interpretations of gender influencing kids in their decision to transition or not? Are there non-hormonal solutions? What are the ethics of non-hormonal solutions?" without research. We can't! You can't substitute feminist theory or queer theory for scientific research.

And of course... Republicans don't care about feminism, girls, autistic kids, gender non-conforming kids, dysphoric kids, gay kids, or transgender kids. We know this. We know they are not doing it out of concern. They are doing it as part of a prong to attack LGBT rights, and to portray LGBT people as a threat to the population.

The difference between them and me is that I think there may be situations where youth transition is ethically justified, and I want to know more research on how to be able to serve that population better, and how to distinguish it from people who may be treated better otherwise. Republicans do not make this distinction because they do not care. They want it all gone, no exceptions.

And so that's why I'm against making these treatments illegal - it makes research harder, it leaves a group of vulnerable kids in the lurch, its true purpose is to spread the idea that LGBT people are a threat, and it only increases the fear and polarization happening.