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its-time-to-write · 11 months

Note

This may be a bit of a strange idea (Feel free to ignore this request)

But since your about Jaime Tartt baby fic. I had the thought of Jaime trying to give reader a break takes the baby in a stroller to training with Roy and Roy is just kind of like WTF and other hijinks ensue like maybe someone flirts with Jamie with the baby or roy gets left with the baby at somepoint or Reader is freaken out cause the baby is gone. IDK just an idea that has been stuck in my head since I read your baby fic

Dude this request was not strange AT ALL. It was actually nice because it was similar to something I wanted to write, and I haven’t been able to do that because I’ve been doing requests. THANK YOU.

i’ll still be right next to you my dear

Your daughter Bea is five months old. You’re still sleep-deprived, but less than you were a month ago. Jamie does his absolute best as her dad and your husband, but the weight of it still falls to you. Things have gotten considerably less tense, too, since you moved out of the flat and back into your house. It was weird at first, both you and Jamie walking on little eggshells around each other.

The tension was broken with an all-hands-on-deck moment at 1am, when Bea had a stomach bug or something, and you two had no choice but to just laugh in resignation at the sheer enormity of the mess she made. There go the beginnings of sleep training.

Bea had her own schedule, one that involved being an early bird like her dad. She would wake up five to ten minutes before his 3:30 alarm went off, and it got to the point where he barely even set it anymore.

Jamie would get out of bed, throw on some pants, change her, and then zip through his morning routine. He’d put her back to bed, give you a half-awake kiss, then be out the door before Roy could knock.

(Roy made that mistake early on, waking Bea. You thoroughly chewed him out in an exhausted rage. Jamie says it’s the closest thing he’s ever seen to Roy crying).

Anyway, at 3:55 this Saturday morning, Jamie kisses you, says, “I’ve got Bea, so sleep in,” and is gone before you even know what’s happening.

You flop back on the pillow and are out in seconds.

—

“The fuck is this?” Roy says the moment Jamie steps out the door, pushing a happy Bea in her jogging stroller.

“The fuck does it look like?” Jamie replies. “Her mum needed sleep, so Bea’s joining us for training.” He leans over the stroller to look at his daughter and coos, “Isn’t that right, angel?”

Bea makes a delighted gurgle and Roy grunts.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me the great Uncle Roy is daunted by a silly wee baby?” Jamie says, grinning. “You are Bea’s favorite.”

Roy glares at Jamie. “Don’t fucking lie to me, everyone knows Sam’s her fucking favorite. She even likes fucking Isaac better than me.”

Jamie pouts. “Don’t listen to him, Bea. We know you love Uncle Roy, even though he’s being a twat.”

Roy just grunts and looks at Bea. “You know how I feel about you, kid,” he says. She babbles. She knows.

“Alright, come on. Suppose the stroller gives your dad some extra weight while he runs.”

Jamie grins, and starts jogging down the street.

—

You wake up to the sound of silence. No Bea, no Jamie. Just birds chirping and the sun shining. You squint at the clock. 8:37am. You reach for your phone and see a selfie from Jamie of him, Bea, and Roy marked 7:02am with the caption, headed to breakfast!

You now have a hazy recollection of Jamie saying something about taking Bea when he left, but it felt like a dream at the time. The silence makes more sense now.

You smile and send heart emojis. I love you! you type.

love u 2, Jamie replies. Then: I hope that was for me not Roy?

You shake your head. That boy. He thinks he’s a comedian.

You roll out of bed and stretch. Time for a nice, long shower, then a good coffee from Jamie’s complementary espresso machine. You’re not gonna lie, there are certain perks to being married to a footballer.

—

Meanwhile, Jamie and Roy have stopped for breakfast at a café that Roy says fits in with Jamie’s diet. He says no coffee and Jamie makes a disgusted face and replies you’re not the boss of me, which is why they’re letting Bea decide if Jamie gets coffee or not by seeing who will get her to smile first.

Jamie wins, of course. It’s part of being a dad.

They’re sitting at a table outside till 9am, Bea out of her stroller and in Jamie’s arms. They’re on their third cups of coffee and Bea’s draining her bottle of formula like there’s no tomorrow. Jamie is in the middle of stroking Bea’s nose (a miniature version of yours) and watching her eyes blink slow, when two girls walk up to their table.

“Ohmygod, no way, is that your baby?” one girl asks.

Jamie looks up and gives a polite, perfunctory, “yeah,” and turns back to Bea. Roy’s sitting back in his seat, ready to watch this unfold.

“It is like, so totally adorable. There’s something so sweet about a baby, don’t you think?” the other girl says, putting her hand on Jamie’s shoulder. He shifts away as politely as he can.

“I just think that like, men with babies are so much hotter than men without babies,” girl 1 continues, oblivious to Jamie, who has shifted Bea onto his chest and is displaying his left hand as conspicuously as possible. He taps Bea’s back with his ring finger in what he hopes is an absentminded manner.

Roy holds back a snort.

“Especially single dads,” says girl 2. “Soo hot. I’ll give you my number if you ever need a babysitter.”

She’s barely done speaking when Jamie blurts out, “I’m married.” He looks so harried that this time Roy can’t hold back a laugh. The girls turn to him with a glare, then back to Jamie.

“She doesn’t have to know,” says one of them.

“Pretty sure she does,” Jamie replies. “And anyway, I ain’t interested. Have a good morning.”

Bea, the angel that she is chooses that exact moment to start burping.

The girls give her a disgusted look and turn away.

Roy looks at Jamie, eyebrows raised and a ghost of a smile on his face. “Nice fucking move with the ring finger,” he says. “If it were me, I’d’ve fucking given them a different fucking finger.”

“That’s where you and me differ, granddad,” Jamie replies, wiping spit up off his vest (waterproof, thank god), “I’m a gentleman.”

Roy rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

—

The windows are open, the laundry is spinning, and you’re dancing around the house. You love Bea, but god you also love good rest. And a clean house. And Jamie Tartt. Man, you love him. You can’t believe he took Bea out for the whole morning and knowing him and Roy, they’ll be out until at least 11am. You smile. That gives you time to head to the shops and pick up some flowers, which will make you feel like a civilized human being, one who has her life together and can take care of her child and her husband and maybe, just maybe, one who is in the mood to get laid tonight.

—

Jamie and Roy are strolling through Richmond, passing by shops and enjoying what feels like the first lovely day in ages. Jamie hasn’t heard from you since you asked is this shirt clean or dirty? with a picture near the washing machine. He knows Saturday cleaning is like a ritual to you, one you picked up in high school and carried on through college. You have a system and you take your time, windows open and music playing. He can picture you spinning around the house putting things away, and that mental image is enough to make his face split into a smile. He remembers the Saturdays you spent before Bea, you cleaning and dancing, and him, well, not helping but certainly dancing with you and promising that he’ll give you more dirty sheets to wash if you’d just take a tiny little break? In the bedroom? With no clothes on because they need to be washed, wink wink?

It usually worked.

You’d lay in bed for precisely ten minutes afterward, take a no-nonsense shower, then kick him out of the house. He’d be gone for an hour, buying you that chocolate you liked and whatever flowers he thought suited the day. There’s a good thought. He should get you flowers, a reminder of their early days of romance. And maybe, just maybe, Bea can sleep soundly enough that they can revive other traditions, too.

“Roy,” Jamie begins.

“No.”

“Oi, you didn’t even let me finish!” he says indignantly.

“Fine. What do you fucking want.”

“It ain’t for me,” Jamie says, “it’s for Bea. And my wife. I want to get her flowers, but it ain’t easy to push the stroller and look. Can you take Bea around the green? I’ll come find ya when I’m done.”

Roy stares at Jamie, and Jamie is sure he’s going to say no. But then Roy walks around to the front of the stroller and crouches down in front of Bea.

“If your dad fucking goes and gets flowers for your mum, do you promise to be alright for twenty minutes? I know I’m not fucking Sam or Isaac, but Phoebe thinks I’m a good uncle. She’s a proper fucking dweeb, but a good judge of character.”

Bea just stares at him. Roy slaps his thighs and stands up. “Alright,” he says. “Let’s go.”

Jamie grins and says, “Bye, Beatrice. Be good for Uncle Roy.” He gives her a kiss on her forehead, a boop on the nose, and is gone, weaving through Richmond, man on a mission.

“Your mum’s a fucking saint for putting up with him,” Roy says to Bea. Bea says nothing. She’s fallen asleep. Roy shrugs and starts pushing her in the direction of the green. Better asleep than crying.

—

You’re showered, dressed, with just a touch of makeup, and you’re on your way to the flower shop. There’s this little one you and Jamie used to go to. You know the owner a little, but you suppose Jamie knows her better because he’s been in more. She’s about the age of his mum, and has a soft spot for him. He overpays and always leaves one flower for her. He hasn’t had the time to be over since Bea, so you say hello and show her some baby pictures, and then some of Bea and Jamie. You both laugh over your favorite, Jamie passed out on the couch, mouth open, wearing gray sweatpants and a single sock, with Bea on his stomach in a gray onesie and a single sock. She’s drooling on him and his hair’s a mess, but you think it’s adorably hilarious. Like father, like daughter.

Now, you’re perusing the flowers. It smells wonderful, the warm weather diffusing the fragrances through the shop. You turn a corner and bonk straight into a man with his back turned to you. You open your mouth to apologize and he turns, and out comes, “Jamie?”

He smiles and you peer behind him. “Where’s Bea? Oh my god Jamie, did you lose our daughter? She had better be close by, I swear to god, Jamie Tartt, how do you lose an entire baby, especially one as noisy as Bea?!”

You’re oblivious to Jamie’s attempts to interrupt your rant, so when you pause for a breath he says, “love.”

You turn to face him, from where you were trying to stand on your tiptoes hoping for a glimpse of Bea’s stroller.

“I didn’t lose her. She’s with Roy. D’you really think I’m that irresponsible?”

He looks so hurt that you realize what you’ve been saying. Your hands fly up to your mouth. Of course Jamie wouldn’t lose Bea. He loves her. He looks at her as though she makes the stars shine.

“Babe. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just wasn’t expecting to see you, and then I wasn’t expecting to see you without Bea, and I thought I’d surprise you by getting flowers before you both got back, and-” you stop. Jamie is gently holding your face and smiling, no longer hurt.

“Babe,” he says, “love of me life and best mum around, it’s ok. I know whatcha mean.” He tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Bit funny we had the same idea, innit?”

You smile. You’d been so caught up in your split-second worry about Bea, you didn’t even realize what was happening.

“Guess some things don’t change,” you reply. “You pick out any good ones?”

Jamie places his hand over his heart. “Love. I only pick out good ones. I picked you, didn’t I?” You laugh at his sparkling eyes, and put your hands on his waist, pulling him close.

“Pretty sure I picked you,” you reply.

Jamie hums. “That’s a fuckin lie, and you know it.”

Your feeble retort is cut off by his lips on yours.

—

You and Jamie walk toward the green, hand in hand. He’s holding bright yellow daffodils in the other.

Jamie spots Roy first. “Oi!” he yells, “look who I found!”

You wave, jog over to Bea, and crouch down. “Hi baby! I missed you! Did you have fun with Uncle Roy?” Bea babbles at the sound of your voice.

“Oh good,” you reply, “he is your third-favorite uncle, after all.”

Roy nods. “You fucking get it. Jamie tried to feed me this fucking bullshit that I was fucking number one.”

“Jamie!” you say. “Everyone knows it goes Sam, then Isaac, then Roy.”

Jamie puts his hands up defensively.

“Honesty,” Roy says, “Such an admirable quality. Remind me again why you’re with this fucking prick?”

You pretend to think for a moment then say, “For his money.”

Jamie says “Oi!” so you quickly amend, “And his smokin’ hot body.”

Jamie nods, satisfied. “That’s better.”

Roy is looking at Jamie in disgust. “You two are so fucking adorable, it’s fucking disgusting. C’mon Bea. I see Sam over by that bench. Let’s give these fucking idiots some time alone.”

You and Jamie turn to each other.

“He said we’re adorable,” you say, grinning.

“He said we get alone time,” Jamie says, grinning back.

“Roy!” you call, “how much time do we have?”

“Three hours!” Sam yells back. “I want to walk Bea to my restaurant!”

You and Jamie turn back to each other, giddy.

“You know what that means,” you say.

“Sex,” he replies immediately.

You laugh and grab his hand. “C’mon, babe. Let’s enjoy our alone time.”

As you walk away, Jamie says, “Oi, need to tell you about these girls who were trying to flirt with me. But don’t worry, I gave them the finger.” He holds up his ring finger and you slap his arm.

“This is why I love you.”

“Really? And here I only thought you were with me for my money,” he replies.

“And your hot body. Don’t forget that one,” you say.

“How could I forget?” he says. “When we get home, let’s put it to some good use.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt #ted lasso

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artymcart · 8 months

Text

SUPTOBER 2023 //DAY 1

LIMINAL

Castiel sat slumped in a chair, hadn't moved since the other Angels have arrived and his past superior told him that they were not able to bring Jack back.

"I'm so sorry Castiel, Heaven is still so fragile in it's new ways, we can't bring up the power to call upon his grace into the Empty." He just had nodded and walked away, Dean's eyes on him as he took the stairs into the library.

Later, Naomi approached him.

"We have to talk," she sat herself in the chair beside him, he was close to giving her a petty answer, but just took a deep breath and nodded.

"We're going to close the Gates soon, we just wait for Rowena to arrive and-" she leaned back in her chair, her watchful eyes always on him "-and we want to give you a choice."

That made him look up, his eyebrows raised and looking at her.

"We learned from our past mistakes, Castiel. We want things to be different now, Heaven will be a community, a working together and not against each other. We want to give our brothers and sisters a choice" she smiled, more to herself then at him.

"What's my choice?" He asked, still not able to believe what she was saying.

"I think I already know your answer," she smiled,"but you can choose between Humanity and the Heavenly Host. An extended lifetime on Earth, more human then angel or a complete part on our community".

He looked down at his hands, when he heard Dean's gruff voice from the map room. His broad back turned to him, talking to Sam.

He would be-

No. He would not be human. He would be always in that liminal place between being a celestial being and something...else.

Dean shouted something at Sam, the younger brother just taking a deep breath before he walked away.

"They need me here," Castiel said, his eyes still on the back of the hunter, who ran a hand through his spiked hair. Castiel balled his hands into fists. He needed them. Him.

"I thought so. I wish you nothing but good things Castiel, I hope you'll never regret your choice and I really hope we only see each other again at the end of your life."

She laid something small and round on the table, a coin, got up and with one last look at him, walked away, back to their brothers and sisters.

ENDVERSE AU Masterpost

#supernatural #suptober23 #day 1 #destiel #endverseAU #dean winchester #castiel #spn fanart

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via-l0ve · 8 months

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Hello! I've been binging your fics/imagines lately and I just can't get enough! I don't know if this was ever done before, but--

Could you do a general, platonic (perhaps mildly romantic, like how I see Dean kinda gushing over Y/N idk, your choice!) imagine on how the men (Sam, Dean, Castiel, maybe Crowley [which would be funny]) would react to Y/N being some kind of powerful angel, like that sits at a pretty high rank and has the power to do all sorts of stuff? Healing, destroying, anger being so destructive it could kill a human (but albeit a peaceful being). This angel would probably serve as a guardian to the Winchesters, or a superior to Cass or a complete surprise and maybe unlikely companion for Crowley? I imagine it'd be a scenario where they're saved last second during a massive fight, probably get to know er type deal. This sounds kind of cheesy as I ask someone else to write this but I hope it doesn't sound too weird, I almost wanna go anonymous HAHA. I know this is VERY specific but I don't wanna confuse you! It's something I wanna write out into a fic myself but the way you write would make it super interesting! :)

So sorry if this was too much, I'm very descriptive!

Angel. (SPN pref!) 🩷

a/n: stop omg. this idea is so cool! also - thank you for the kind words!! i appreciate you so much!! i hope you enjoy this!

warnings: slightly romantic!!

Dean:

Dean met you on a hunt

he was being himself and basically bleeding out, but he was still fighting

you, being in charge of the dink, had to come down and help out

when you appear, a bolt of white light strikes the ground and your voice projects through the atmosphere

“you will not hurt this man.” you say, hair blowing in the wind and eyes glowing

dean was flabbergasted, also a little scared, but also a little bit in love

eventually you just kill the entire vampire nest because they’re stupid and you turn to dean.

“are you okay?”

he’s even more confused because this angel just came down and slaughtered the threats to him and now they’re talking so.. nice.

you heal his wounds and boom. now he’s your friend

he follows you around like a lost puppy and also brags that he’s friends with not one, but two angels, and one is even more powerful and higher up than fucking CASTIEL.

as he gets to know you he knows how sweet you are and it inteigues him even more because - as i said, you’re a powerful angel who can kill anyone but you’re so nice to him, Sam, Bobby and Cas.

the first time he sees you angry he literally gets all red and falls for you

—

Sam:

You first met sam when he was basically bleeding out in a motel room

Dean had gone to get food and sam had been hiding a pretty nasty gash from him

so now he was sitting alone trying to patch himself up (and being unsuccessful)

so, you made your appearance and tried to keep him calm

you appeared and he saw you and went 👁️👄👁️

“it’s okay. i’m an angel. i will not hurt you.” you say softly, stepping towards him

sam is still a little wary but he lets you heal him

you press your fingers to his forehead and he’s all good (albeit a little scared hahah)

he always has the smuggest little smirk on his face when you get angry on his behalf

he likes the feeling of having such a powerful being watching over him all the time but it also makes him nervous because of… his past💀

addicts recover

—

Castiel:

When you came down from heaven to help the Winchesters and Castiel, he was happy to see you

he knew, despite rebelling from heaven, you wouldn’t judge him

he spends a lot of time near you

like, standing right next to you

i like to think that you have better “people skills” than him for whatever reason (it’s just funny) and he just kind of sticks to you ykwim

he thinks you’re so cool

he dosent step in to help you in fights because he knows you can handle it and kill anyone you want

he’s blushing and kicking his feet when he sees you🤭🤭🤭

absolute power couple if you guys got together like omg

but yeah

he always defends you if anyone says shit

he’s just such a cutie pie

—

Crowley:

you popped in when crowley was holding dean and sam hostage

you came into the room, eyes rolling already.

“let them go.” you said, voice sounding bored as you’d done this multiple times already.

crowley looks at you

“oh god, you again.” he scoffs

BUT he dosent even bother to argue and lets them go

which shocks the boys because that’s not like crowley

but he’s smitten for you

it’s giving enemies to lovers

but anyways

you guys have many encounters and end up talking a lot

crowley talks about hell and you talk about heaven

and he finds himself not hating you

and suddenly he wants to be around you more and learn about you and watch you be a badass angel

#love u mwah #thank you sm for this request #dean winchester #castiel x reader #sam winchester #dean winchester x reader #castiel #sam winchester x reader #crowley #crowley x reader #dean winchester supernatural #sam winchester supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural x you #supernatural x reader #castiel supernatural #supernatural #crowley supernatural

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scoobydoodean · 3 months

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Hi! I just wanted to start off by saying that your analyses on the characters are awesome and they really helped further my understanding of the show, so keep up the good work! :D

I was wondering, if you don't mind answering, what did you think of about Dean giving permission for Gadreel/Ezekiel to possess Sam in season 9?

I'm still a bit on the fence about how to feel about it and I thought your particular brand of wisdom might be able to help me out.

Dean had just a few pieces of information at the hospital in 9.01.

Dean knew that Sam had every intention of surviving The Trials in 8.14 and in fact Sam promised he would survive them and show Dean to the light at the end of the tunnel, because Dean was suicidal: "I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. [...] I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it."

Dean observed that Sam became suicidal over the course of The Trials and that this culminated in Sam forsaking his promise and his desire to live and falling into a tailspin where he wanted to die to make himself "pure". Disturbing dialogue from 8.21: "Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur's knights, and they were all on the quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling, and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember... thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I'm not clean. I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think... maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had... demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I'm— wasn't pure? [...] It doesn't matter anymore. Because these trials... they're purifying me."

Dean pleaded with Sam not to kill himself in 8.23, and Sam agreed, asking, "How do I stop?"

These are the details Dean has prior to Sam falling into a coma. He believes that his brother wanted to commit suicide, but that he did change his mind and decide he wants to live.

Two other notable details:

First, Gadreel earns Dean's trust quickly by risking his ass to help Dean, and then on the phone (after being given the fake name "Ezekiel") Cas, relieved and pleased, vouches for Ezekiel. So Dean has no reason to suspect anything nefarious (and in fact, at this point, Gadreel doesn't have particularly nefarious intentions besides staying in hiding away from other angels).

Second, Dean is not the one who pleads with Sam to live in the dream sequence, getting him to say "Yes". It can't be Dean, because 1) "Dean's" face morphs into Gadreels which is clearly intended to indicate to us that this wasn't Dean speaking 2) If Gadreel was somehow projecting the real Dean into the conversation to give that speech, then Gadreel wouldn't be the one receiving the consent. It would truly be Dean receiving it and not just Gadreel pretending. Those words HAVE to come from Gadreel's mouth for the possession to work—not Dean's. We've seen angels morph into loved ones and mimic their voices perfectly several times.

With all that in mind:

After Gadreel pitches his plan to possess Sam, Dean immediately says it isn't his call to make—it's Sam's. It's after Gadreel shows him Sam falling back into the same suicidality from 8.23—wanting to die so that "no one else can get hurt because of me"—that Dean wavers. Still—at the end of the day, whether Sam agrees to live or not was never Dean's choice, and this is something I often see people get mixed up about. Dean doesn't get to choose whether Sam dies or not. It is still Sam who chooses to live. Sam does this by saying "Yes" to Gadreel. This could not have happened if Sam hadn't changed his mind about living. He doesn't know he's going to be possessed, but he has once again beaten back his suicidality and chosen to live. Sam still had hope in a good future.

Sam chose to live. He did not know he was going to be possessed. That's the issue. However, Dean did not intend to keep Gadreel's possession from Sam after it happened. Dean and Gadreel have this conversation upon leaving the hospital:

DEAN So? How's it look in there? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY Not good. There is much work to be done. DEAN Yeah, but he's gonna wake up, right? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY He will. DEAN So, what he does – what, is he gonna feel you inside, triaging his spleen? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY He will not feel me, no. There is no reason for Sam to know I'm in here at all. DEAN You're joking. No, this is – this is too big. EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY And what will he do if you do tell him he is possessed by an angel? DEAN Well, he'll have to understand.

This conversation suggests that Dean's initial thought process was "We perform supernatural life-saving surgery". He just wanted to get Sam to a point where he'd wake up and they could talk. Like any situation with a relative in a coma, that person in a coma can't consent to surgery. The next of kin is the one who gives consent, because their loved one can't. They can only consent to a procedure if awake to do so. So Dean doesn't stop Gadreel from performing life saving surgery, but his intial belief and intent is that they'll put all of this back in Sam's hands when he's awake.

Up to this point, I don't actually have a problem with what Dean's done based on his knowledge. It's here at the end of the episode, where Gadreel convinces Dean to depart from his intial intent and stall, that in my opinion, the "Dean doing something wrong" part starts:

EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY And if he does not? Without his acceptance, Sam can eject me at any time, especially with me so weak. And if Sam does eject me, he will die. DEAN Then we keep it a secret for now. Or until Sam's well enough that he doesn't need an angelic pacemaker or I find a way to tell him. I - I... As for him being in a hospital, I'll have to figure something out. EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY I can erase it all, if you like. He will not remember any of this.

Dean doesn't feel good about it, but he agrees to keep quiet, because he's scared Sam will yet again make a suicidal play. Dean is riddled with guilt in the following episodes over lying to Sam, and in 9.08, Dean tries to tell Sam he's possessed, but Gadreel takes over Sam's body and stops him. Dean comes clean again in 9.09, only for Gadreel to stop Sam from receiving the news again.

So. Dean's mistake is lying to Sam. He shouldn't have lied to him. Point blank. At the same time, had Dean pushed the issue, would Gadreel have been willing to be expelled? Would he ever have allowed Dean to tell Sam the truth, from the moment he was... installed? Or was Dean screwed from the beginning, and was the idea that he got to choose any of this—any bit of it—really just... an illusion to keep Dean compliant with the possession that was keeping Gadreel under the radar?

Think about it for a second. Why did Gadreel ask Dean's permission? He didn't ever need Dean's permission to do any of this. He didn't need Dean's permission to trick Sam. He didn't need Dean's permission to remove Sam's memory of the hospital. He didn't need Dean's permission to keep the fact that he was possessing Sam a secret. He could have done every bit of this without asking. The problem was, Dean probably would have caught onto the disappearing angel act, and Gadreel would have had to get violent, and for the first part of season 9, Gadreel doesn't want to get violent! He just wants a place to lay low, and sees an opportunity to prove he's a good angel who helps humans—not just the angel who let the serpent into the garden. Getting Dean's "consent" might ease his own conscience about nonconsensual possession or be a way to keep Dean compliant or both, but ultimately, these are more questions worth weighing imo, because Supernatural loves to toy with the illusion that Dean has power in situations where he doesn’t, and in this case, he doesn't... actually have any power at all... does he?

That said, when it comes right down to it, Dean still did something wrong by helping keep the secret—by not trying to tell Sam the truth immediately because he was scared. And well. Okay. So what?

This is a show with characters who have good intentions but still make mistakes. As Cas will say about this later, "You were stupid for the right reasons". We get some great insights into the pitfalls that lead Dean down this path, and it's interesting to watch that happen and then later, see a broken mirror as Sam endeavors to prove through season 10 what Dean is willing to do can't touch what Sam is ultimately willing to do to keep Dean around.

Here's the thing—I don't believe for a single second that Sam wouldn't do the exact same thing in 9.01 had their positions been reversed. Sam and Dean have a conversation along these lines at the end of 9.13 "The Purge":

DEAN All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing. SAM No, Dean. I wouldn't. Same circumstances...I wouldn't.

This genuinely wounds Dean and gets brought up a few times, but then in 9.23 when it's brought up for the last time in another context:

DEAN What happened with you being okay with this? SAM I lied.

Sam never gets the chance to do the exact same thing to Dean, but he has already gone behind Dean's back to try and save his life before. He's used Dean's death to justify doing things Dean begged him not to do on his behalf. He kept the case they were actually on under wraps as he inched toward a plan to turn himself and Dean into Frankenstein's monsters in 3.15 (and really the only reason it didn't work is that Sam got captured by Doc Benton and Dean had to save his ass, and then Sam morosely helped dig the grave). Sam went behind Dean's back directly against his wishes to threaten a crossroad's demon in 3.05. In season 10, he violates Dean's consent by removing the Mark of Cain from Dean's arm using the Book of the Damned, which not only requires an overt human sacrifice of Oskar and gets a woman named Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" because Sam refuses to heed her warnings, but also results in the apocalypse... and all of this was something Dean asked Sam not to do, and Sam did every bit of it to get his brother back, and while standing in the wreckage in 11.01, echoed Dean's line from 9.13, saying, "I would do it again". Dean signed the supernatural possession next-of-kin consent form, and the fallout was Kevin and Sam. Sam violated Dean's consent and tens of thousands of people died and he said he'd do it again while they died around him.

#also i got excited but xoxo 😘#season 9 #9.01 #gadreel #the flannel business #3.15 #3.05 #11.01 #9.13 #8.14 #9.08 #9.09 #mail

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afro-hispwriter · 2 months

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The French Mistake was a mistake

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles x reader

Soulless Sam x reader(brief mention)

Summary- Dean is starting to believe you and him aren't meant to be in any universe

Warnings- 6x15(doesn’t follow it completely), mentions of suicide, mentions of being admitted to a facility, break ups, so much angst, mentions of anna, lisa, and ben, dean is a asshole lowkey(in the situation at least)

Not edited

Sam and Dean burst through the window and landed on a blue mat but before they could stand up someones yelled,

"CUT!" Bells rang, clapping, and whole bunch of talking started. The brothers looked around, Balthazar was gone and that's when the confusion started.

"Great solid fall." Someone slapped Deans ass making him jump.

"Jared, Jensen outstanding. That was just great!" Said a old man in a chair and from behind a kid started speaking nonsense.

"Supernatural, scene one, "Echo." Take one, tail slate. Marker." And closed one of those movie boxes.

"So no angels?" Sam says.

"No angels, I think."

"Should we be killing anybody?"

"I don't think so."

"Running?"

"Where?"

Sam and Dean looked at the group of guys sitting around tv screens all talking. Then one yells "Moving on" and lights start turning on.

"Thats a wrap on Jared and Jensen."

"Who the hell are-?"

It went by quick after that. Dean got dragged up to makeup stations and got the makeup he didn't think he had on him. Sam got dragged into an interview he had no idea how to answer.

They met up again, settling on being sent to another universe where they are actors who play Sam and Dean. They walked out of the building and the sight of Baby gave Dean a huge smile. But he watched a guy throw stuff over it and saw a whole bunch of Baby's.

"Im gonna be sick." Dean says and starts to back away.

"We need Cas." Sam says and Dean tries to do some sort of "prayer" but that was short lived when they spotted the man.

That ended up being fake too. Cas' name in this universe was Misha. Misha? They kept walking around the lot until they saw the trailer that said "J. Ackles."

"Thats fake me." Dean says and pointed at himself.

"Yeah."

"This mist be fake mine." They walked in and Dean was instantly in awe. The fish tank and the freaking helicopter. Dean looked around the trailer and noticed a framed picture on a table. It was of fake him and a woman with brownish red hair. Maybe his sister? But the picture looked a little too intimate to be that.

It made him think of you. You left the team after the showdown with Lucifer. But he couldn't blame you. He hurt you, deeply. From Lisa, all the way too Anna. He really did like you but his connection too Anna was too great. And Lisa, Lisa and him are good. He loves her and he loves Ben. But every once in a while his mind would drift off to you, wondering what you were up too.

It was a dick move. Sam called him out on it, as did Bobby and Ellen.

All this thought of you made him want to see if you were in the universe. Sam was typing away on fake his computer.

"Hey Sammy, I want to check something." Dean says and takes the laptop and plops on the couch. He starts typing in your name.

Y/n L/n Supernatural

Pictures of you popped up, along with a description of your character. And again the bottom in the little box there were drop down choices with answers.

Why did Y/n Carter leave Supernatural?

Why did Dean and Y/n break up?

Do Y/n and Sam get together?

That made Deans eyebrows furrow. Why would you and Sam ever get together? But he immediately groaned. When Sam was still soulless he apparently went to go see you, wherever you were. Because apparently Sam and Bobby were the only one to know where you went. He then proceeded to heavily dropped hints that he slept with you. It had taken everything for Dean not to beat up his soulless baby brother.

Y/n Carter must be your name in this universe. Ironic how fake you and real you share the same first name. He clicked on the option that said why you left the show.

It was released that she left the show due to personal reasons but fans speculate it has something to do with her ex of 7 years Jensen Ackles(who plays Dean Winchester aka her love interest), leaving her and marrying a now former mutual friend, Daneel Harris now Daneel Harris-Ackles.

"Holy shit" Dean mumbled, "Im a dick here too."

"Whats wrong?"

"I looked up Y/n, wanted too know what she was up to. Apparently im an asshole here too." He passed the computer to Sam and he started reading.

“At least you’re aware.” Sam mumbled and Dean shot him a look. “Huh seems like you guys broke up in this universe just after dad died in ours and she left the show around the time our Y/n left us."

"You know where she is and wont tell me." Dean says with a slight glare.

"She doesn't want you too know, and for good reasons." Sam says.

"We need to find a way to get back to our universe." Dean says and looks over at the framed picture of fake him and the woman. It gave him a great unease.

After trying to drive fake Baby. Sam and Dean just settled on getting driven to 'Jared's place as they should say. Fake Sam had a huge house, a freaking mansion. Dean noticed a tanning bed and opened it.

"What am I Dracula?" Sam asks and shakes his head. Dean walked over to the large curtains as he heard animals making noises.

"Dude you have a freaking camal in your backyard."

"It's an alpaca, dumbass." A familiar woman's voice made them whip around. A woman at the top of the stairs, wearing a short black dress.

"Ruby?" Dean looks at the woman is shock and she scoffs.

"Gen, who is it?" The next voice that popped up was so sweet but sounded tired. Another woman appeared behind fake Ruby, dean let his eyes trail over her figure before his breath hitched.

"Y/n." He breathed out and took a step forward. He watched you swallow harshly all the way from where he was. You looked so beautiful, beautiful in every universe it seems.

"G-Gen." you shakily said and grabbed her hand. "You said he wasn't going to be here."

"I know honey, I told a certain someone not to let another certain someone into the house even though I thought I didn't have to worry about it." Fake Ruby said all of that while glaring at Sam which made him shrink back.

"I can't be here." You let her go and start to rush down the stairs.

"Y/n wait let me talk to Jared and I'll take you back to your hotel room."

"Y/n." Dean walked towards you as you made it to the bottom of the stairs. "Hey." It had been more than a year since he last saw you, at least the real you.

"Hey? Thats all you had to say after you admitted me to a fucking psych ward!? Dean took a step back and you took a step forward. "Got me written off the rest of 5?" You shoved your finger into his chest "You didn't even bother to visit me!" You shoved him fully this time.

This must have been what the internet was talking about.

“I-I-.” Dean tried to think of something to say but he was blank.

“Oh now you don’t have anything to say. Nothing about this being good for me, that everything is going to go back to normal after I get it. News flash Jensen, nothing worked. Fuck! WHY DIDNT YOU JUST LET ME DIE?” You screamed and shoved him hard making him almost fall back.

“Okay Y/n honey go wait in the car.” Gen grabbed you by your arms and guided you to the door.

“Fuck you Jensen, I wish I never fucking met you.” Gen opened the door for you and the boys watched fake Ruby watch you go to the car. She took in a deep breath before whipping around to the two boys.

“Seriously Jensen, nothing you couldn’t say anything too her? Do you know what this could do to her?” Dean bit his lip and wiped his eye with the back of his hand. “Crying, you’re crying? Jesus I don’t want to see you talking to her outside of work, you’ve ruined my friend for the rest of her life.”

Dean looked down at his shoes in shame and it felt weird too. This wasn’t his life, so why was it affecting him this much?

“And you.” Fake Ruby looks at Sam. “We’ll talk later.” She walks up to him and wraps a hand around his neck and pulls him down to her lips. He didn’t kiss her back, the shock of the whole thing has Sam stumped. She pulled away and let out a disappointed sigh before walking about of the house.

It was quite for a mom between them.

“Sammy we need to go home now.” Dean says, it was so quite Sam almost didn’t catch it. He didn’t sound like Dean.

“Dean, you okay?” He watched his brother bring bath hands up and wipe his eyes before turning around.

“Im going too stop asking you about her from now on.” He says and Sam cocks his head.

“About Y/n? Dean what’s happening in this universe, is nothing compared to what was happening back home.”

“No you don’t understand! This just proved that me and Y/n don’t work, in any universe.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do. Fake me left her first another woman after 7 years Sammy. And I left her for a woman who ended up wanting to ruin us. And them I didn’t even try to go after her after you disappeared, like you told me too. Im fucked up Sam, its better this way for her.”

“Dean don’t say that-.”

“Sammy please, let’s just find a way back.”

A/n- if people want it, planning on making more about dean x reader, but the Jensen situation in this one… there is no coming back from that kinf of situation. so no. But I have a big plan for Deans, I really hope people want more and want too know about it😁Feedback appreciated, I will love you forever

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #supernatural #sam winchester #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles

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narrynukezankielover · 5 days

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I love this part in season 8 ep 19. Naomi acting like she’s a good angel and had nothing to do with the way Cas was acting and Dean not believing her at all. Dean saying you don’t think I know you’re the reason Cas was acting weird since he got out of purgatory and that you are the one that told Cas to kill me. Then telling her I don’t trust angels which means I don’t trust you. I’m going to guess that angels can sense love because Naomi said yet you didn’t ward the place against us. You’re hoping Cas will come back to you. If she was talking about Cas just coming back but not specifically to Dean she wouldn’t have added the to you part and Deans face here shows he thought he wasn’t being obvious. Naomi hasn’t met Dean before now so how else would she know Deans feelings for Cas.

This is just a cute moment. I believe it’s in ep 20. Charlie calling Cas dreamy. It’s times like this I wish they would show more scenes of characters just sitting down talking. Charlie hasn’t met Cas yet so how does she know he’s dreamy. I know she reads the Supernatural books but when she said it Dean didn’t look surprised. He hasn’t read the books and don’t know how Cas is written. Sounds like Dean might’ve told her about Cas. I would like to know how Dean would describe Cas looks.

This scene in ep 22 is freaking amazing. The eye f*cking is beyond amazing but I find it funny that Sam is sitting right next to them obviously feeling like he shouldn’t be there witnessing this moment and had to cough to get them to stop. Even in the next scene Sam tells Dean to give Cas a break because he’s one of the good guys (seems like Sam was looking for an excuse to get Dean alone to calm him down). Dean asks why he (himself) is treating Cas differently than he would other people. He said if it was anyone else (I believe he said literally anyone else) he would stab them in the neck so why should he let Cas off. Sam is just like it’s Cas. Seems like Dean don’t quite understand his feelings. He knows he has feelings for Cas but he probably never realized before that he treats Cas differently than he treats other people. I really like the whole Sam knows about Cas and Dean but instead of saying something he’s just letting them figure out their feelings. You can always see the awkwardness on Sams face that he knows he shouldn’t be there or shouldn’t be listening or watching but he has no choice. I find it really funny.

I find it cute that Cas wanted to make it up to Dean so not only did he go shopping but he made sure to get porn and beer for Dean and by the looks of it might’ve tried to hurt that guy to get Dean pie if the Metatron didn’t stop him.

In ep 23 there is another gay moment happening to Dean but what’s interesting is Dean looks surprised and Cas doesn’t. Dean doesn’t look surprised that the guys are gay but more that they are open about it. It looks like Dean is thinking you guys don’t care that people are seeing you flirting? Yet Cas doesn’t change his expression at all. He did say in an earlier ep when he thought he was god that he’s indifferent to sexuality. Maybe he (or all angels) don’t think about sexuality. You love who you love and that’s it.

I have to include this moment because it broke my heart. The poor boy was trying to fix everything and the Metatron f*cked him over. He took advantage of Cas and it ended with the angels falling. Cas looks like he wants to cry.

In season 9 ep 1 Ezekiel say some angels still believe in the mission which means we believe in Cas and you. I love the angels putting Cas and Dean together.

Dean aloud himself to get beat up just so the angels wouldn’t go looking for Cas even though he had no idea where Cas was.

Now i’m just going to fangirl. Holy hell. This scene is hotter then all the sex scenes combined on this show and yet this isn’t even a sexy scene. I need more shirtless Cas scenes.

#castiel #cockles #dean x castiel #destiel #deancas

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cheynovak · 3 months

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Crush part 4

Dean Winchester x Reader (Y/N) & Sam Winchester (Platonic)

Warnings: Fluff, sexual tension, implied smut, alcohol, trauma, aggression,

Side note: English isn’t my first language, please don’t mind little mistakes.

Words: 4800

*Does not follow the SPN storyline! *

---------------------------------

Recap part 3: Y/N is a high school crush/friend of Sam, when they were 16 y/o they attended the same school for a while. But she always liked Dean. Years later despite the trauma and difficult life, they chose to be with each other. Dean tries hard not to take Y/N on hunts but sometimes they have no choice.

Now years later, Dean has the mark of Cain and Y/N is determent to help Sam and Dean. They been through a lot, how will they cope with this challenge?

---------------------------------

“You idiot!” Y/N screamed through the halls of the bunker. “You, you, ... do you ever think, Dean! Just for one second?” - “I take Dean told Y/N about the mark?” Castiel asked Sam who sat in the kitchen while he heard the couple fight. “Yeah, just now.”

“It’s the only way to kill Abaddon! And you know it!” Dean matched her tone. “I don’t care about Abaddon, not if it hurt you!” - “It won’t!” - “Oh yes of course like nothing ever does right? I can’t believe you!”

“Y/N don’t be like that! Everything is fine.” - “You call black outs after killing people fine? Sneaking out to hunt alone so you can kill fine? Who are you? Because I sure as hell don’t recognise you anymore!” She turned her back and walked to the kitchen, clearly surprised to see the angel and Sam. Both looking awkward for witnessing their fight.

“I’m going to kill Crowley.” - “Sweetheart...” He followed her close. “Don’t!” She turned back at him pointing a finger in his face. “How many times do I need to get worried about you? How many times do I need to see you die. Hell, see all of you die?” She waved her arms around. “Why on earth did you trust Crowley. He knew about Cain, he isn’t stupid!”

“Y/N” Sam started in a soft voice. “This isn’t ideal, but we’ll get through it. I don’t like it, just like you but what choice do we have?” - “How about let someone else deal with this for once?” - “Who do you trust with this?” Dean added. “I don’t care Dean, one of these days you’ll die, for real.” - “Then I’ll go down swinging.” He said like it was nothing. “Oh, good for you, but I’ll be the one to burry you!”

Y/N stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed her keys and went for a drive in the middle of the night. Deep inside she knew Dean was right, but why did it had to be him, she was so afraid to lose him. After all they had been through so much, the fear became more and more real.

Dean sat down at the kitchen table. “You weren’t able to keep it from her any longer.” Cas said. “I know, I know she is just worried. But she knows this is our life.” - “It used to be much easier, ghost, vampires, but this, this really scares her.” Sam said looking at his brother’s arm. “Plus, she noticed you being... different.”

“I know. I pushed her away. I’m sure she noticed a difference in my behaviour. It’s not like it's been easy lately.” Dean spoke like he meant hunting, but he knew they had some trouble in their relationship too. It’s not that he didn’t want to work on it, it’s just that the world was now a priority, he knew she would understand.

Y/N arrived back home late that night, she saw Dean already sleeping in bed. She took a deep breath before crawling next to him. Nose to nose she looked at him. “Baby?” He mumbled. “Hm?” -”Please don’t be mad.” He opened one eye slightly “I’m not. I’m concerned.” She gave him a small peck between his brows, before turning around to face the other side of the room.

Dean felt her being distant lately. No more cuddling in bed, no more morning make out sessions, if he was honest almost no intimacy at all. He knew it was his fault, since he had the mark these few weeks, he didn’t feel like it anymore. Which for him was weird. No matter how tired, she could always seduce him, but not anymore.

He knew it made her insecure, but he was too ashamed to talk about it. He thought it would be easier to handle it once the world wasn’t burning anymore. She didn’t push him in to talking about it. But he noticed her being more edgy, easier annoyed, less happy.

The next morning, he woke up noticing she was already up. When he opened the bedroom door, he heard music coming from the kitchen. When he walked in, he saw Y/N swaying to the music... laughing while she made breakfast with his brother. And again, when they were in a bad place, Sam could make her smile. How does he do that Dean wondered.

“Good...morning.” Dean said with a little hesitation. “Goodmorning baby” She smiled softly but stopped dancing while turning the music down. Y/N place a plate with pancakes in front of Dean. “Eat up, before it gets cold.” She said before kissing his shoulder and walking out of the kitchen. His eyes followed her before turning back to Sam, who smiled softly.

“Did she, talked to you lately?” He asked his younger brother. “Well, we talk all the time, a little more specific?” - “About... us?” Sam’s raised one brow. He saw how serious he was in his eyes. “Look it’s not my place to say, but she is afraid, afraid to lose you, again. But also, afraid to lose you.”

Dean looked confused. “She thinks that you are bored of her or something. That you two are still together out of habit or mutual respect. Basically, that you don’t love her anymore.” - “What? That’s ridiculous.” - “I told her that. But she isn’t so sure about your feelings for her anymore.”

After breakfast Dean was determined to talk to Y/N, but unfortunately Crowley came back with information on Abaddon and the boys had to move out really quick. Y/N took a deep breath, “Remember me to kill him after you come back.” She said to Dean while looking at the demon. “I heard that.” - “Good.”

Dean smiled. “So that means you still want me when I get back?” She kissed his lips. “I’ll always want you Dean Winchester, no matter how complicated things are.” One side of his lips curled slightly. “Just get back in one piece.” His hand moved to the back of her neck. “I promise.” he whispered before kissing her back.

----

The indeed got back, but the need to kill became more and more difficult for Dean to handle. He tried so hard to restrain it, knowing Y/N would be worried, but the tension between them didn’t get better.

Next thing they know, they had to face Metatron again. In search of the tabled. But Dean felt he had a shot on killing the messenger of God. When Y/N came back from groceries shopping the bunker was empty. They headed out without telling her what was going on, part from one little text she got from Sam. Found Metatron, going after him. Don’t worry, I got him. Sam meant he was watching his brother. One thing she learned about the Winchesters, they have each other's back, but will also die for each other as long as the other gets to live.

Sam saw Dean get stabbed by the angel blade, rushing to his brother in despair, while Metatron smiled. Sam tried to fight the angel, but he vanished. He held his brother in tears in his arms, not knowing what to do. He knew he needed to bring him home. And face Y/N.

Y/N heard the door of the bunker open. She walked to the stairs smiling, only to see Sam carrying the lifeless body of Dean. Her smile vanished, her hand covered her mouth, eyes starting to tear. She came running towards Sam. “No, no, no, NO. Dean... baby?” - “I’m sorry.” Was all Sam repeatedly cried when she held his face in her hands.

Sam placed his brother on their bed. Y/N sat beside him, cleaned the blood of his face and hands. “Come on baby, wake up.” She whispered under her breath, she had no idea how long she sat beside him before she got up and walked back to Sam. Could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours.

Without saying a word, she took the bottle in front of him and poured herself a glass. “Y/N, I...” - “I don’t want to hear it Sam, you find a way to bring him back. I don’t care what we need to do. Who I need to sell my soul to, YOU bring him BACK.” Tears rolled down her cheeks when she walked away with the glass in her hand.

Sam was trying to summon Crowley little did they know he was already visiting, knowing what would happen to Dean next.

Sammy, let me go.

“That’s all?” Y/N teared up looking at the note Dean left. He didn’t even think of her? After all these years. Sam noticed her struggle. “I’m not giving up Y/N, if Dean is a demon, I will find a way to bring him back.” She nodded before she felt his arms pulling her into a hug.

“I’m sure he thought of you too. Probably to fixated on leaving.” - “Or I don’t care enough.” He felt her tears on his shirt. “No, he needs you as much as you need him.”

“You’re not going alone Sam, I’m not letting you out of my sight.” Y/N stood arms crossed on the stairs. Weeks have been passed and Sam left her with the research while going solo on trips. Only this time he came back with a dislocated shoulder.

She saw the hesitation in his eyes. “I know I’m no hunter, not like you guys, but I’ve been living this life just like you over the past few years.” She sighs “This is my fight too.”

“Ok, let’s find them.” He said while turning her on the stairs. Every alert possible was installed on their phones. They searched for every crossroad demon, trying to find intel. Sam became more and more reckless, Y/N could see the disperse growing inside him.

One night she and Sam sat down at a local diner “Dean is clearly keeping a low profile. So, do me a favour, try to enjoy the food.” Y/N looked at her phone. “Sam... Wait a minute. This may be a long shot but that bar...” She pointed at the map on her phone. “Dean used to tell me about it. Something with great beers and music?”

Little did they know Dean tried to life the best life ever. Crowley tried to use him for his own personal amusements, of course. “You know Dean, those two are closing up on us. We might want to leave soon.”

“You know Crowley, for a demon you do really care a lot.” He waved at the bartender asking for another shot and a cocktail with an umbrella for the ‘lady’ next to him. While he smiled at Crowley.

“Listening to you singing the same 3 songs on karaoke has been a blast, watching you sticking your tongue down the throat of hottest chicks, I don’t care. You do you. But I really don’t want to get murdered by your brother and ex-girlfriend.”

Y/N and Sam’s car broke down just a few miles away from the bar. A nice man stopped his car and asked if they could use some help, pretends to inspect the engine, He reveals that the reason the car stopped is because of a "killswitch" that he himself is able to operate via remote.

Before Sam can pull out his gun from behind his back, He knocks him out cold. Y/N tried to get the gun out of the glovebox but the gun against her head made her lift her hands. “My issue isn’t with you sweetheart. Turn around and keep walking away from the car.”

Sam wakes up to find himself strapped to a chair, Cole, the man, explains that he is using Sam as a bargaining chip to lure Dean and kill him. Sam warns Cole that Dean is now a monster, but Cole naively rebuffs saying that he knows he is a monster and that now Dean is the prey.

Cole calls Dean and demands a trade, but Dean is apathetic towards his brother's capture, as he warned Sam not to come looking for him. “Listen Sammy, I told you to let me go. You are just too stubborn.” - “Well, Sam, it looks like a should have taken your girlfriend with us. Since your brother isn’t going to be of much help.”

Dean’s voice changed a on the phone. “You brought Y/N?!” Sam knew he was pissed. You left her, what was I supposed to do? He thought. “Oh-oh, trouble in paradise.” Cole added. “Listen, Cole, was it? Do whatever you want. But if our paths cross, you’re dead.” Dean said with a calm voice before he hung up the phone.

Y/N walked to the nearest motel, which took her almost an entire night. Luckly, she had some money in her phones case hidden. The clerk gave her a set of keys. Y/N was glad she could take at least a shower and a few hours of sleep before creating a plan of finding Sam.

But when she lied down in bed and closed her eyes, she could hear her neighbours, or at least the girl. Realising they weren’t planning on getting sleep anytime soon. “Great, cheap motel walls.” She said under her breath. She walked back to the bathroom finding something to stuff her ears with.

By morning she woke up by the sound of what she thought would be Crowley. “Seriously on my bed?” Y/N almost flew out of bed and opened the door only to bump into the blonde girl who she heard last night. “I’m sorry.” Y/N said but got nothing but a dirty look.

Then she saw Crowley's head pop out of the room next door. “Oh no.” Y/N held her foot between the door he just wanted to close. “CROWLEY!” She burst through, seeing Dean in the bed. The world underneath her feet crumbled. “D-Dean?”

“What are you doing here Y/N?” Was all his stone-cold voice said. “I-I came with Sam to find you, but he...” - “Yeah kidnapped, Cole, wants me.” - “And you let him have your brother?” - “Well, I was a little busy.” He said while going with his hands over his bed hair. “Yeah, I heard.” - “Kinky, if I knew you where next door would’ve asked you to join.” He grinned.

She looked over at Crowley, who to her surprise looked apologetic maybe even with a little sympathy for her. “Where you going?” Dean asked when she finally felt her feet again and turned. “I need to find Sam.” - “So, you went to all this trouble to find me, now that you have, you walk away?” Dean got up.

“Well, you’re clearly not trying to save your brother, and...” She thought hard about her next words. You cheated, you left me, you hurt me, you’re not you anymore, I can’t look at you. “I guess we all have moved on since you left us, I care for him more than ever. I need him to be safe.”

She looked back at Crowley. “I know, you’ll kill me when you see me again.” She nodded before closing the door. “Well, that was awkward.” Crowley turned to Dean. Seeing a little fraction of human emotion in Deans eyes. She hurts him in a place he didn’t knew he still felt.

Y/N decided to walk back to the car, but halfway there a car stopped in front of her. “Y/N?” - “Oh god, SAM!” She ran straight to him, her arms wrapped around his waist. “I’m glad I found you, I was so worried.” - “You were worried? Sam, you were kidnapped.” - “And my best friend was out there alone.”

Thanks to the intel from Y/N her previous encounter with Dean, Sam found his brother quickly. The ride home however wasn’t very pleasant. “So, Sammy. I heard you and Y/N spent quite some time together lately. Tell me, did the high school butterflies came back? Have you been wooing her? Maybe even shared a little kiss?” - “SHUT UP DEAN!” They shouted at the same time.

When they locked Dean in the dungeon, he looked at her standing at the door, while Sam checked the traps and the spell work around him. Y/N broke the eye contact she had with Dean when Sam walked towards her. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “He won’t go anywhere.” He said holding his hand over hers.

Dean rolled his eyes.

The next day Sam started to inject Dean with the purified blood. Y/N could hear him scream, she had promised Sam not to go down there. “Does it hurt him?” She asked with a tremble in her voice. Sam sighs, “I’m not sure if it’s real or he just fakes it to stop me.”

“Maybe I should face him? See if it works.” - “No, I don’t want you to see him like this. The things he says... It’s horrible.” She nodded but decided to take a peek the next time anyway. “You know Sammy, I would never think you would go for my leftovers.” Sam did his best to ignore his brother.

“I mean, I had always known she is your type. Hell, you would whine about her day and night, how she was the one for you. I should have known you would take her when you saw an opening.” - “Dean, you left, you fucked around, literally. But you expect me to wait for you to come home?” Y/N walked towards the circle.

Seeing Y/N made it hard on Dean to act like he still didn’t feel the blood working. “You haven’t touched me in ages, but I have to act like a nun while you play the pornstar is that it?” He didn’t answer. God she wanted to slap that smug face of his.

“Y/N? Why are you here?” Sam asked in his caring voice. “I wanted to say I need some fresh air.” She placed her hand on his shoulder before she stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, I’ll be right back. Sam understood the assignment, this was the perfect way of seeing if Dean still cared.

She walked back but right before she turned through the door Sam called her. He grabbed her hand, but she backs up against the wall just outside the door, in the hall. “Trust me” She mouthed. “I’m going to be fine Sam.” said quietly, while looking at his lips. “I know, I just...” Sam matched her voice before closed the space between their lips.

Dean sat in the chair not seeing them, but he could clearly hear them. When Sam didn’t complete his answer, it hit him. “Really guys!” No answer, “Find yourself a room!” Dean heard nothing but a deep breath coming from his brother.

“Be safe ok?” He said before kissing the top of her head.

By the time Y/N got back, Sam was eating pizza, “bought your favourite.” He said while looking at her, he placed his finger of his mouth, telling her he could still hear them. She took a seat on the table next to Sam’s plate. “You think he can hear us?” Sam nodded.

Y/N took out her phone “Did it work?” the texted him, “I don’t know.” Sam answered honestly. He hung back in his chair. “I’m not sure about any of these treatments.” - “We’ll figure this out, together.” She pinched his shoulder before grabbing a plate from the kitchen.

That night Y/N had a really vivid dream, for some reasons their experiments on Dean turned against them. His body shuts down, both she and Sam ran towards him but when they undid the trap and untied him from the chair, but then he hit Sam knock out on the floor before he choked the life out of her.

By the time she woke up screaming Sam ran through the door. “Hey, hey you’re ok.” He hushed her, holding her in his arms. “I’m here, it was just a dream. Shh, I got you.” Y/N couldn’t hold back, in full panic she bursts into tears. “Oh, Sam it was awful!” - “It was just a dream Y/N.”

Sam comforts her for a few hours before she heard his breath getting heavy. She looked up, seeing her best friend had fallen asleep while holding her. She tried to get out of his grip, but when she moved, he woke up. “What’s going on?” He asked sleepy. “Lay down, it’s more comfortably.” she whispered.

Since he was still half asleep, she could push him against her pillow. Throwing an extra blanked over him. Way to short but it was the idea that counted. She placed her head back against Dean’s pillow. She could still smell his aftershave on it. Not long after they both fell asleep.

Y/N woke up by the movement of her bed. She noticed how Sam got up, “Hey.” she said, her voice still sounding sleepy. “Morning. I’m going to check on Dean. Try to sleep some more.” His lips curled into a smile.

She didn’t sleep anymore, she just thought how lucky she was she had Sam in this situation. No idea how he could keep his cool every time he had to go take care of Dean. Lucky how he didn’t make this into an awkward situation, just a friend helping another friend.

“Y/N!” She heard Sam yell. “Yeah?” she got up and ran towards Sam, who met her halfway. “He is gone.” - “What? How?” - “I don’t know but he got out.” They both ran towards the control room where Dean stood waiting for them. Sam pushed Y/N behind him when he saw his brother. “You know seeing you two all cosy and cuddly in my bed made me realise something.”

Dean’s eyes turned black. “I should have left you to rot with those vampires when I had the chance.” - “Y/N run, RUN.” Sam pushed her away. “Oh Sammy, do you really think you two are going to have a happy ending?” - “It’s nothing like that.” He tried to distract his brother so she could find a place to hide.

“What? This isn’t like the last time? What was it you said again, Oh yeah: I don’t think about her like that.” Dean walked slowly closer to Sam, “I don’t care that you fucked her, each have our needs Sammy, no hard feelings.” Sam frowned at his brother. “Did she do that thing with her tongue? Feels good doesn't it.” He grinned, standing toe to toe with him now. “What?”

Before Sam could say anything more, Dean had pushed him aside. When Sam got up, he immediately locket the bunker. Turning the lighting red. Dean broke a few doors trying to find Y/N again. Little did he know Y/N had been praying to Castiel. Who thankfully appeared and helped both her and Sam.

A little while later they managed to bring Dean back.

He stood in the bathroom, hanging on the sink while looking at his reflection. He said he needed a shower to ‘clean up’ but really, he didn’t want to be around Y/N. He felt ashamed of what he did. The bathroom door opened, he saw her walking towards him, Dean quickly looked back in front of him.

Y/N walked behind him. “How are you feeling?” She asked. “Good.” Was all he said. She couldn’t hold back, she wrapped her arms around his torso. Placing her cheek between his shoulders, taking a deep breath, his warm and reliable smell filled her nose. “I missed you.” She admitted before giving him the space she knows he needed.

“Y/N?” she turned back to him, “Where do you want me to sleep?” Y/N frowned her brows, “In our bed?” - “Are you sure.” - “Dean, I know we need to talk about... everything.” she took a deep breath, “I just hoped we could work this out.” - “Wait you... you still want me?” She smiled soft. “Just get to bed, we’ll talk then.”

Dean felt nervous, not knowing how this conversation will go. He walked in the room noticing Y/N wasn’t there yet. “Hey, got us a beer.” She handed it to him while she got on bed sitting with her legs crossed. “Why are you so nice?” He blurred out. “I’m done fighting Dean.” He felt his chest getting heavy.

After a silence Y/N spoke, “I think the most important question is. Do you still want this, us?” She looked at the beer bottle in her hand. “Me?” Dean now took a seat on the bed facing her. “I want nothing more. But I messed up, so if you don’t want to... I’d understand.”

“I told you before I will always want you, but things need to be different from now on.” He listened to her. “I want you to talk to me before you make choices that affects us all. You talk to Sam or Cas about hunting but forget about me. I’m as much part of your life as them Dean.” He saw the tears shine in her eyes again.

“All I wanted was to keep you safe, sweetheart.” She nodded rapidly, “I know, I really do, but you can’t. A few hours ago, you chased me through these halls, trying to kill me.” Hearing those words coming out of her mouth made Dean emotional.

“And I don’t even care about what you did when you were a demon. You were not you, I know that, but you need to give me time to get over, seeing you, hearing her, realising that you...” A tear fell down his cheek. “I’m so, so sorry baby. I wish I could take it back. Undo a lot.”

After a heart to heart, they agreed on telling each other everything. Talk more and give time to heal. She got up and softly kissed Dean’s lips. “My turn to shower.” She smiled wiping away the last few tears.

Dean made himself comfortable in the bed waiting for her to come back. He heard Sam talking to her outside their room. “Are you guys ok? - “We will be, thanks Sam.” Y/N got inside noticed Dean waiting for her.

She crawled in bed on her side, only to move closer to Dean, he lifted his arm around her while her cheek snuggled against his chest. Dean kissed her hair, scared of the question he was about to ask. “Sweetheart, I got to ask. You and Sam?”

“You believed that?” - “I heard you kiss. Saw you in this bed.” - “I wanted to see if you were affected by that, see if we could bring a part of your humanity to the horizon. And he fell asleep in this bed when I had a nightmare.” Y/N lifted herself up a little. “Sam and I, we’re still just friends, part from one staged kiss, nothing happened.”

She cupped his cheek, “Why do you keep worrying?” - “I left you, you saw me with another girl, but even before that we didn’t make love anymore.” Y/N sighs, I know. Her hand moved over his arm, “Was it just the mark?” - “I felt scared to be close to you. Scared I would black out and hurt you.”

Y/N moved again, holding his face now in both hands, while her legs straddled him. “Baby, look at me. Mark or no mark, demon or not, you will never, ever physically hurt me. You could have, but you let Sam stall you.” She let her forehead touch his. “I trust you Dean.”

His hands moved to her back, holding her while her lips found his. Unconsciously she grinded against his hips. In despair, needing to feel him. His lips travelled down to her neck. “Besides, who says I don’t like it a little rougher.” She breathed out, earning a soft moan coming from Dean’s lips.

Turning her over to her back. Hovering over her.

“Damn sweetheart. I missed you.”

-----

If you liked this story check out my masterlist.

#fanfic #fluff #smut #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #x reader #jensen fucking ackles #jensen ackles #sammy #sam winchester #dean #jared padalecki #spn smut #the boys #spnfandom #spnedit

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pheebsismyspiritanimal · 2 months

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Saw @salaarfanindia's recent post, I couldn't help but notice some parallels between Destiel and Varadeva. This may be quite the stretch but please excuse me.

Varadharaja Mannar, the elder brother , quite like Dean Winchester.

Both have a younger brother(Baachi/Sam Winchester) who they've sworn to protect.

Both of them have absent fathers. Rajamannar in Varadha's case and John Winchester for Dean. Their mothers died when they were quite young leaving them to fend for themselves while looking after their brothers at the same time.

Both have a father figure in their lives who consider them as their own son, essentially being more of a father to them than their biological father.

Both of them have a best friend who's hot, brooding and doesn't talk much.Said best friend would go to hell and back for them. Castiel went to the fiery pit of Hell to rescue Dean . As he himself says, Castiel gripped Dean tight and raised him from Perdition.Similarly, Deva reaches rescues Varadha from the metaphorical Hell that Rudra and his cronies inflict up on him(Cue : Mukku pogu incident where Deva touches a live wire to return Varadha's nose ring from the bullies).And later when the ceasefire is imposed,Deva comes to stay by his side as his "army" (tbh I didn't think Varadha called him as an army... He just wanted Deva by his side after all these year

Castiel, being an Angel,defied Heaven itself ,always choosing Dean (at one point an angel tells Cas not to lose it all for one Man) in the process being cast out and losing his grace, eventually becoming human himself .Deva wouldn't make a promise to his Amma when she asks him never to set foot in Khansaar again. But Deva makes a promise to Varadha to always return whenever he calls, going as far as to say that he'd be a bait or a shark for Varadha's sake, thereby choosing Varadha. In the end, he makes the choice to choose Varadha again and again when he performs the sword ritual to honour his commitment to Varadha.He chooses to be Varadha's Salaar, leaving behind all his ambitions(if any) and the throne itself which would've made him the Shouryanga King.He gives it all up for Varadha.

Castiel, on the verge of an impending Apocalypse, tells a broken Dean that he is the one who's fated to stop the Apocalypse and Lucifer .Deva, in a prison cell, right before a crucial juncture, where the fate of Khansaar rests in Varadha's vote, tells him that it doesn't matter what others think(or vote )and that he can exercise his power to do what he thinks is right, thereby guiding Varadha .

Cas puts himself on the line for Dean over and over again (I'll hold them off, i'll hold them all off...) even when he knows there's no coming back for him.Deva puts himself on the line for Varadha at Velamgadi , pleading with Naarang to spare Varadha and take him instead.

Cas smites demons for Dean. He even went against Lucifer for Dean. Deva beheaded Naarang for Varadha.

Cas watches Dean sleep (i'll watch over you).. Deva watches Varadha sleepand calms his nightmares(I'm not even making this up).

Cas and Dean hug each other , tight hugs where either refuses to let the other go.It's their love language. Deva and Varadha also have the same love language, long tight hugs where Varadha just melts into Deva's arms, arms which cradle Varadha like they're holding a long lost treasure(which of course Varadha is).

Dean and Cas flirt a lot .

Dean to Cas (after Cas has been staring at him intensely) : Cas,not for nothing, last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.

Cas: *is dumbfounded*

Deva and Varadha... Well

Deva to Varadha : I have many friends more good looking than you.

Varadha : *cant tell if he is offended or horny*.

Sam is tired of his brother's eyefucking with the gay angel...One of these days he'll pluck his eyeballs out if he sees them pining over each other. Baachi and Rinda are always sulky as they have to witness the woobie eyes Deva and Varadha make at each other.I mean hey...anyone would be.

Cas tells Dean "I love you"/ Deva tells Varadha " No one should touch you".

I could go on but I won't. . I know some of this is a stretch but I couldn't help but remember an old beloved tv series and a new but beloved movie together... Apologies if this sucks..

#salaar #varadeva #varadha #deva #varadeva✨#devaratha raisaar #varadha rajamannar #supernatural #destiel #parallels #im sleepy and It's showing #dean Winchester #Castiel

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precious-little-scoundrel · 7 months

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What is Elvis like as a father in law? I pretty much see him treating Donna and any of the other women who join the family similar to how he talked to fans at times. Everyone is darlin ', sweetheart, honey hahaha. Wanting to take everyone under his wing and spoil em. Especially Donna because she basically saves two of his kids.

This man -you’ve nailed it.

He loves people. We’ve established this. He adores his kids. Now, people who love his kids? Oh that’s just a beautiful upper tier of love from him. He loves them, he squirrels them away in rooms just one on one to grill them about their interest in a off-putting but lovingly intense way. He inducts them into the family with all the pomp and circumstance of a born performer while also taking care to give them private and subtle assurances of his welcome.

Of course there was Ella‘s fella Johnny, and the time Elvis put his dumb blonde head through the penthouse drywall. But that was no aspersion against Johnny’s good character, his valiant service to the nation as a soldier in ‘Nam or any real man-to-man dislike. It was entirely to do with a red blooded man marrying his 18-year-old baby. Elvis had sworn as a young father he’d kill anyone who came for Ella: Johnny can be glad he only has a permanent goose-egg back there from the incident. A few months of good intentions and proof that Ella is happy with her choice and all can be forgiven. Besides, Elaine seems charmed by Johnny and Elvis hates being anything but on the same page as Tink.

Now Jack’s lady, she is a whole Lotta woman, so much Woman that some idiots might call her masculine, but that’s just her broad shoulders and brusque attitude leading you astray. Live and let live, Elvis believes, and he can sympathize with Jack. He knows a thing or two about the positive affects of your lady not letting you get away with shit. Or conversely only allowing you to in her company or under her supervision. It only takes Elvis a few months to get a read on Vic and stop trying to spoil her with jewels or perfume, instead he buys her cigars in the vain hope that she’ll stop swiping his.

And then of course there is Danny and his precious Bee, raised most of her summers at Graceland and practically a Presley child until Shiloh had to play matchmaker and Danny had to make it weird and marry her. Oh well, at least they’re compatible and Elvis already approves.

And there’s Rosalee and her Sam Harrison, who Elvis likes well enough as he’s the son of an army buddy, even if the fool boy married someone else in the interim

and Daisy’s bloke ain’t half bad for being British, being known as Rosalee‘s kind professor, he’s got brownie points in the Presley family before Daisy attached herself to him, he’s a calming influence on that wild child and the rest of them, someone for Elvis to smoke with and talk about spiritual things.

And then there’s Donna. Now, Elvis does not have favorites, alright? He really doesn’t, Donna’s not his favorite. Don Don can’t be, as she is not a favorite, she is a fairy, a precious angel sent from above to patch up his babies and bring joy to their household. Whenever sweet Don Don is not being clutched by Jesse or gossiping with Jack or posing for Marie, her tiny self is tucked under Elvis’ armpit while he shows her his latest hyper fixation. She’s written many a caption for a polaroid after he complained of his bad handwriting and morosely wished upon a star within her earshot for some young helper to come along and aid him. Donna didn’t expect Elvis Presley to be so endearingly human -but he is, and it almost makes her forgive that horrid nickname.

…and then take into account the grand-babies that come from these…

#sarge asks #sarge: 2nd gen #elvis fanfiction #elvis presley #elvis fanfic #elvis imagine

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no-see-um-incorrect · 9 months

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I am babysitting my nephew at the moment SOooOOO. My favorite redacted boys babysitting (i’m so bored plz help)

Guy🍕

This weekend‘s gift is up first

He gives me older brother’s best friend energy.

He’s the guy(literally) that gives the kid a controller that’s not plugged in, so they feel included.

He comes over and brings a pizza and candy for the kids (and him. be honest)

he’ll make up some ridiculous elaborate game that the kids love.

His silly personality helps when a kid is crying or upset

He would never volunteer to babysit, but if you ask him, he’ll say yes.

Overall guy is a very trustworthy babysitter

David🐺

He’s the alpha he’s used to dealing with childish adults, so you’d think children would be a piece of cake.

kids are scared of him, Babies love him, toddlers are his worst enemy.

They know no rules

They know no weakness

They smell fear

Asher and Angel find it hilarious. Because Asher knows how secretly terrified David is of toddlers. Angel just finds it funny.

Overall, yes, you can trust your alpha with your children BUT it will take some emotional sacrifice on his part

Asher🐾

Asher can handle kids in a controlled environment. Like he can hang out with the children of the pack. but he starts getting awkward after too long.

“BaAaAbe one of them started crying…. whatdoIdooo!”

“is he hungry?,thirsty? What does it want?!”

it slowly morphs into chaos as the night progresses

Overall, Asher definitely isn’t the first choice for a babysitter but as long as he has babe’s assistance, he’s definitely not the last

Milo💥

This man. He would be a good dad.

He would be a great babysitter, amazing……..He would be a really good dad. Our feisty werewolf Boi loves kids.

“Give um here ash…hey little buddy~….🎶hmmm🎵HmmM🎶mmmhmmm🎵” *Lullaby continues*

(Ima cry I love him so much)

“OH. I know me and sweetheart’s kid would kick your kids ASS ASH!” (this happened)

Sweetheart didn’t even know he was good with kids until their first solstice together. And seeing him with the pack kids.

Overall, 100% Milo is the first to go to for a babysitter

Caelum🍪 & Gavin😈

I’m pairing these two together because it would be a not great idea… to leave caelum unsupervised with a small child. they will either achieve world domination OR caelum will end up having a breakdown because of the roller coaster that is child emotions.

Gavin is there to achieve balance

Caelum is the entertainer. Gavin is the caretaker.

“Ok buddy. Can you handle the little one well, I make their bottle?”

“Yup! Yup! You got it Gav!”

*Proceeds to play patty cake for 20 minutes*

Both the little one and caelum end up, falling asleep by the end of the night.

Yes, overall awesome babysitting duo

Sam

Sam was my first vampire boi I listened to so when he referred to the newly turned vamps as “newborns”

…….I thought he was a Dilf vampire……

That being said, I think Sam would be really good with kids. He’s very patient very soft and very calm…. and very tolerant. ALSO. Kids are very accident prone. Sam being good at healing will come in handy.

: take them on car rides to get them to sleep

: I feel like the little ones would be fascinated by his fangs

: Darlin comes home and he’s just got a baby asleep on his chest

he’s not the first one you’d think of one, thinking of a babysitter, but he knows what he’s doing

Forgive me if these are stupid, I am pretty tired and my glasses are. Say it with me 👏STILL BROKEN👏

#writing #incorrect quotes #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted headcanons #redacted incorrect quotes #redacted milo #redacted sam #redacted david #redacted Asher #redacted gavin #redacted caelum #redacted guy #these are just my personal opinion #be nice

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crazyunsexycool · 1 year

Text

My little love

Chapter 4

pairing: Bucky Barnes x enhanced!reader

word count: 4.1k

Warnings: mentions of gunshot wounds, blood, shrapnel embedded in someone’s side, Bucky and Angel having quality daddy/daughter time, nightmares, child crying, Steve being cute

A/N: It’s here!!!! There is not a lot of reader in this chapter I wanted to focus more on Bucky and Angel. What name does Bucky choose??? I went back and forth a lot with the name because I honestly don’t think Bucky would choose a more modern name but I think it’s a good choice. Tell me what you think! Also I was very excited for you to see Bucky being a first time dad….

Series masterlist

Ch. 3

“Why are you so loud?” You asked from the entryway to the living room. Hands on your hips and a scowl on your face as you glared at one of the two super soldiers that didn’t know what whispering meant.

“We are talking names.”

“Talking or yelling?”

“I made coffee.” Bucky says as he stands in front of you, trying to change the subject. “Do you want some?”

You were about to respond when giggles interrupted you. The sweet little giggles of none other than Angel. Leaning to the side to look behind Bucky you find Steve sitting on the floor, holding her hands as she stands in front of him. She was trying to find her balance but anytime Steve let go of her hands she’d fall down. She laughed again when her bottom hit the soft area rug in your living room.

“Well now you’re just being silly.” Steve told her as he picked the giggling toddler up and had her stand looking in your direction. “Who’s that sweetheart?”

Her eyes lit up when she saw you and she immediately stretched her arms out so that you would pick her up.

“Good morning cutie, how are you doing today?”

“I’m great, how are you?” Steve responded as you picked Angel up. You rolled your eyes before kissing her temple. Angel lays her head on your shoulder.

“I’m not dealing with you until I’ve had my coffee, Rogers.”

“Wow, you really are a grump in the mornings. Anyways, let me make breakfast now that you’re up.”

You narrow your eyes at him and Bucky does the same from behind you. Steve gives you an awkward smile as he walks past. Both you and Bucky follow him to the kitchen.

“You rarely make me any food. What’s going on?”

“Yeah punk, What’s up with you?”

“I tried to keep you out as long as I could but I need you for a mission Y/N. Two days tops.” He says after turning to look at you.

You frown slightly before looking between Bucky and Angel, your hold tightening slightly on the latter.

“I’ll go.” Bucky offers.

“Sorry Buck but we need her abilities.”

“It’s ok, It’s my job.” You say as you turn to him and smile. “Who else is going?”

“Nat, Sam and Clint.”

“Good, you can both watch this sweet girl.” You say you pull back and look at her. Your voice gets higher when you talk to her. “Are you going to have so much fun with Steve and daddy?”

Bucky stiffened slightly at being called dad. You look up at him slightly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean-“

“No it’s ok, I’ll get used to it.” He says in a small voice.

“She can call you something else.”

“No it’s ok really. She can call me dad if she wants to.”

“And what do we call her? You said you were talking about names.”

Steve turns back around and starts pulling ingredients out of the fridge and cabinets.

“Well let’s see,” Bucky says as he pulls a small notebook out of his sweatpants pocket. “I have Beatrice, Eleanor, Josephine, Lydia, Frances and Vivian. What do you think?”

“You know you only have to pick one, maybe two.”

“You don’t like any of them?”

You gave him an awkward smile as you moved to set Angel down in her booster seat.

“Well, she is your daughter so you get to choose. They’re lovely names, she just doesn’t look like those names.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Steve asked from the stove.

“It means you look like a Steve, Bucky looks like a Bucky and I look like a Y/N. The name has to fit her.”

Bucky hummed and then frowned slightly. He never thought a name could be so complicated.

“Is there a name you like?”

“Not any of those.” You mutter under your breath.

“I heard that.”

“Oops.” You said with a smile.

“Agent Y/LN, your presence is being requested in conference room 302.” Friday announced.

“Is it urgent Friday?”

“Yes, your mission has been moved up, you’re needed in order to start the briefing.”

“Please let them know I’ll be down in 10 minutes.”

“Yes ma’am.”

You kiss Angel’s forehead and head to your room to change out of your pajamas.

“Ok , hopefully I’ll see you before I leave. Sorry I can’t have breakfast Steve.”

“I’ll make you some when you get back from the mission.” He smiles at you.

“I’ll hold you to it.” You head toward the living room with Bucky following close behind.

“If you have to leave right after please be careful.”

“I will,” you kiss his cheek. “If you need help with Angel, Jenna and Ivy in the medical wing can help.” You say before you head out.

The jet was ready to go. The team of four had packed up everything they would need for the two day trip and set it by the ramp of said jet. While Clint and Sam did some preflight checks Nat stood by you as you said goodbye to sweet Baby Barnes as she clung to you unaware that she wouldn’t see you for at least two days. Her little fingers played with the straps of your Kevlar vest and she pursed her lips as she concentrated with the task at hand. Bucky and Steve walked your way as you and Nat discussed something about the mission.

“Did you pick a name yet?” Is the first question you asked once Bucky stood in front of you.

“No,” he shook his head slightly as he looked at the small notebook in his hand. “This is a big deal, I can’t name her something stupid.”

“Samantha is a good name.” Sam calls out as he picks up your bags.

“Again, I said nothing stupid.”

“Wow, you talk like that in front of your daughter? You’re lucky she’ll learn her manners from Y/N.”

Nat and you chuckled at the banter but Steve pinched the bridge of his nose already exasperated with the back and forth.

“Come on You’re not even close to picking a name yet? What if I leave and never come back?” You meant it as a joke but the mood shifted quickly.

Steve took Angel from you after you placed a quick kiss on her forehead. Nat said her own quick goodbye before getting on the jet leaving you alone with Bucky. His expression was unreadable as he looked toward his daughter.

“Don’t say things like that.”

“It was just a joke, Buck.”

“Well it wasn’t funny.” He finally looked at you, finding you looking away. “I’m sorry I just- the thought of losing you is unbearable. Besides, I need you.”

Your eyes snapped up meeting his.

“And so does Joann.” You grimace at the name. “Yeah, I didn't think so either.” He scratches the name off the list with a pen. “I’ll have a name by the time you get back ok?”

“Ok, take care of yourself while I’m gone.” You say as you wrap your arms around his waist.

“What about Angel?”

“If you take care of her the way you take care of me I know she’ll be fine. Just don’t forget her-“

“Pink bear, I know. And I already spoke with Jenna and Ivy although I’m gonna do as much as I can on my own.” Bucky finishes your sentence as he wraps an arm around your shoulder. He places a kiss in your hair. “Please be careful.”

“I will. See you in two days.”

You walk up the ramp with a final wave to the three of them. Clint hits the button to close the jet as you begin to hear Angel cry. Clint stands besides you as you look through one of the windows at Steve trying to calm her down.

“Trust me kid, it doesn’t get easier.” He pats your back before turning to the cockpit.

“It’s ok sweetheart, mama will be back soon.” Steve cooed softly as if his words were meant for her ears only. It didn’t work though and Angel held her arms out and made grabby hands in hopes that you would appear before her and take her into your arms, where she was safe. When that didn’t work she turned to Bucky.

”Don’t cry,” Bucky tells her as he takes her from Steve. “I’m scared too. But you know what? We’re going to be just fine.”

He heads back into the living section of the compound and up to your apartment where you left everything set up for him. Steve followed closely behind making silly faces at the crying child in hopes of calming her down. The only thing that worked was actually being back in your apartment. It was familiar to her and she was safe. It didn’t take long for her to start yawning and rubbing her eyes, a clear sign it was time for her nap. Steve was gone and it was up to Bucky to get the tired toddler down for said nap. He walked to the room you’d chosen for her and pulled out his phone to play some music in hope it would help Angel fall asleep.

A slow song from the 40s fills the room and Bucky hums along as he sways from side to side. Angel slowly but surely rested her head against his shoulder.

“What about Loretta?” He peaks down at the child in his arms but she’s still fighting sleep. “No, not that one. Hhmm, Norma? Nah, I don’t like that one.” Bucky continued to list names and sway around the room until Angel finally fell asleep. He laid her down in the crib and covered her with the pink blanket before heading back out into the living room.

He plopped down on your couch and as he looked around the room, Bucky couldn’t help but think of what it would be like if you and him were in a relationship. He practically lived in your apartment anyway and now so did his daughter. Up until this point you had stepped up to help care for her. It’s something you didn’t need to do and yet all the conversations he’d had with Steve about you having feelings for him came back. Bucky didn’t doubt that you would offer help to anyone, especially a child that needed it but he couldn’t deny that the way you took care of his daughter was different. It was as if she was your own and that warmed his heart, because Angel trusted you more than anyone.

So with thoughts of you and his daughter Bucky relaxed into the couch and soon enough he fell asleep too.

Bucky sat up panting and disoriented. He hadn’t had a nightmare yet he could hear crying. It was the most bloodcurdling scream he’d ever heard. He looked around to realize he was in your apartment and at the sight of a doll on your couch he remembered he had put his daughter down for a nap. It was her cries that woke him up and he ran toward her room thinking someone was hurting her. He was somewhat correct. She was being hurt but only by her nightmares. She laid in the crib tossing and turning and crying bloody murder. Bucky panicked, unsure of what to do. He kept muttering to himself what would you do in this situation, if it were you here instead of him. Then he thought back to all the times he’d shown up to your place after a nightmare. He was always comforted by your touch, maybe he could provide the same for her.

Bucky bent over the railing of the crib and as gently as he could he grabbed Angel and laid her against his chest. His heart stopped when he watched her flinch at his touch but he knew it was just because of the nightmare.

“You’re ok, doll. I’m right here. I’ll keep you safe.” He cooed softly as he walked out to the living room again.

Her eyes didn’t open but her cries died down a bit. Still a small whimper here and there, a little tremble of her chin and lower lip kept him on edge.

“C’mon doll you gotta wake up for me.” He used his left hand to wipe away the tears, hoping the cool metal would maybe soothe the crying toddler. Bucky kept his eyes on her face the entire time. He studied every movement and twitch until Angel’s eyes started to flutter and finally she looked at him. She hides her face in his chest and Bucky can feel the fresh tears being soaked up by his shirt. As long as she’s awake Bucky doesn’t mind one bit. He just holds her close while he rubs soothing circles on her back and finally allows himself to calm his own heart, it’s a miracle it didn’t pop out of his chest.

When Bucky finally moves her away from his chest to get a good look at her his heart drops. She’s almost frozen in place. Angel’s gaze is unfocused and it’s as if she’s reliving something traumatic. His little girl starts to cry again and it would be several hours before he gets her to calm down.

Fresh air and sunshine. Bucky had decided that his daughter hadn’t had enough of it. So once he managed to feed her and change her diaper, with the help of Jenna, he decided to go on a walk. It was supposed to be simple. Take the stroller and sit Angel down. Except he couldn’t get the stupid stroller opened, he didn’t even know that was a thing. So he stood by Steve’s office with a closed stroller, a toddler and a bag with some extras in it, in hopes that his best friend could help him out.

Steve couldn’t.

It wasn’t until another agent walked by with some documents meant for Steve that they learned how to unfold the damned thing. He quickly showed them how to open and close the stroller before walking back the way he came.

With Angel strapped in, Bucky moved through the halls of the compound until he was finally outside. Bucky could see Angel’s head move from side to side as she took in everything around her. It was nothing special but he was sure she had never been outside in her short life. So trees and flowers and grass seemed like the most amazing things in the eyes of the three year old. Bucky pushed the stroller around for a while until he found a nice shady tree to sit under. He pulled out a blanket he had brought with him and laid it out before unbuckling his daughter and setting her down.

“Ok doll, C’mere.” After he settled down he opened the backpack he had packed and pulled out a book. He sat her down in his lap and flipped the book open and he began to read out loud.

You had left little post-it notes here and there to help Bucky. A list of favorite snacks on the fridge, her nap times and favorite toys in her room. In the bathroom mirror there was a post-it of what temperature the water should be and what products he should use when it was bath time. Anytime he found one he reminded himself to do something special as a thank you when you got back.

After giving his daughter a bath Bucky had grabbed her towel and wrapped her up before heading to her room. He opened the drawer you had mentioned that was full of pajamas and grabbed the first onesie and pajama pants he found.

“Ok doll, let’s get you nice and dry and ready for bed.” Bucky said as he laid his sweet Angel down, dried her properly and put on a diaper.

He reached over and grabbed the onesie and unfolded it, laughing once he realized what it said. A big you can do it dad sat in the middle in bold black letters while arrows labeled arms, head, legs and snap surrounded it. Once he was done dressing her he took his phone out and managed to get a picture of her smiling to show you later. He had done that a lot during the day, taking pictures of her. Bucky justified it by saying they were for your benefit. Surely you’d miss her and would want to know what she was up to for two days.

This routine would happen for not two days but four. And everyday Bucky got more anxious at the fact that you weren’t back yet.

Everyone had been on high alert at the end of the second day of your mission. There should have been communication that the mission had been completed and you were on your way back. Instead they were met with radio silence. Tony tried to locate all four phones but nothing. The jet couldn’t be located either.

It wasn’t until the early morning of the fifth day when a commotion at the gated entrance of the compound that the rest of the team knew something went horribly wrong. Tony, Bruce, Wanda, Vision, Steve and Bucky, along with medical staff were all waiting once the ambulance was allowed in. Clint hopped out of the driver's side and rushed to the back to open the doors. It wasn’t a surprise to see him battered and bruised. The medical team rushed after him and took over whatever was happening. Bucky’s heart all but stopped once he saw Clint, Sam and Nat walk around the ambulance and towards the rest of the group. They all looked bad but they could walk.

“Nat?” Bucky called out her name but she refused to look up at him. She felt guilty, he was sure of that. “Nat, what’s going-“ the words died on his tongue as the stretcher was finally pulled out.

You were unconscious as they wheeled you by. There was blood not only on your uniform but on the stretcher, it was too much blood. Bucky could see the gunshot wounds and the cuts and scrapes before noticing the piece of shrapnel sticking out from your side. He didn’t realize he had started following you until he stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the other three. He was furious, why were you the only one on the verge of death while the three of them seemed completely fine by comparison. Steve stepped between Bucky and the rest of the team that had gone on the mission. It was clear to see that Bucky was ready to rip their heads off.

“Walk it off, and go get your daughter.”

“But-“

“No buts, we don’t know what happened and they need to be checked out too. Once I talk to them I’ll let you know, now go.” Steve was stern and unmoving even Bucky tried to look around him. With a huff Bucky turned back in the direction of the building and disappeared inside.

“Steve, it all happened so fast.” Sam offered but Steve put his hand up.

“Go get checked out and cleaned up, we'll talk later.”

Sam’s shoulders sag as he started walking away. It was obvious that whatever happened was difficult for everyone and the last thing they needed was to get yelled at. Steve and the others knew it would be a long day and they decided to keep them company or wait to hear news about you.

Bucky sat in the waiting room with Angel in his lap for hours. He wouldn’t move until he knew you were at least ok. That you would live to see another day but the doctors were taking forever. The rest of the team had been in and out waiting to hear anything but Bucky’s mood kept them at bay. After a while Steve finally showed up and silently took the toddler from Bucky.

“So what happened?”

“It was a setup from the beginning. The minute they got into enemy airspace the jet was under attack.”

“Why didn’t they call for backup or turn around and come back?”

“They were being attacked from all sides, signals were jammed. The jet was lost, the only reason any of them are still alive was because Y/N managed to slow down the descent of the plane.” Steve said as he bounced Angel on his leg.

Bucky stood and began pacing. All he wanted was for you to be ok and then to find the assholes that did this.

“There’s more,” Steve said, causing Bucky to stop and turn to him, he waited silently for the rest. “It seems like hydra planned this hoping to capture whoever had been sent on the mission with the intention of trading them.”

“Trading them? For what?”

Steve didn’t say anything, instead his hold tightened a little around the toddler on his lap and his eyes shifted from Bucky to Angel. The sound of whirling plates could be heard in the otherwise quiet room as Bucky clenched his fist.

“Over my dead body.” Bucky said through gritted teeth.

“Apparently over Y/N’s too.” Steve sighed. “Listen, from what Sam, Nat and Clint said there was nothing they could do. They fought as hard as they could and they even had to steal a plane to get back. It was Y/N that saved them and in the process she got hurt. But she’s here now and in the cradle, I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“I hope so.”

A few minutes later Dr. Cho appears in the waiting room with news that you’re out of the cradle. Dr. Cho had said that you would be fine, after being in the cradle for that long you were sure to recover in no time but she wasn’t going to clear you for missions for a while.

She leads Bucky and Steve to your room and gives them some privacy. Bucky holds his daughter in one hand and opens the door slowly with the other. He was surprised to see you alert although it seemed you were moving slowly. Most likely due to the pain medication they had given you. Before anyone was able to say anything, Angel’s gaze fell on you. Bucky could tell something was wrong immediately due to how her body tensed and shortly after she began to cry. It was an intense, deafening type of cry that left them rooted in place. Steve quickly grabbed her and muttered that he’d stay outside to calm her down. You frowned, concerned at what could have happened.

“What’s wrong?”

“She’ll be ok.” Bucky said as he moved to sit next to you. “It’s the second time I’ve heard her cry like that though.”

“You should go check on her, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“Ok.” He got up and kissed your forehead before walking back out. Even in the state you were in whatever was going on with Angel had you worried. You tried to fight off the need to sleep but whatever you had been given was stronger.

It must have been very late when you did finally wake up but you weren’t surprised to find Bucky sitting in the chair beside you. A book in his hand as he patiently waited for you.

“Buck.” You called out with a slightly gravelly voice.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” You huffed out as you tried to sit up. Bucky moved to help you get more comfortable in the bed. “How’s Angel?”

“She’s better now. I’m not sure what’s going on but Bruce said he’d run some tests.”

“Ok, good.” You frown slightly at the thought of her being hurt in some way or her being afraid of you.

“I have pictures of what we did these last few days. Wanna see them?” He asked in the hopes of distracting you for a while.

You nodded as Bucky pulled out his phone. The frown disappears from your face instantly as you scroll through the pictures. Bucky had taken pictures of her outside sitting on a blanket, multiple pictures of her sleeping soundly or with food all over her face. There were videos of her just giggling as she stood on her own and videos of her with Steve while he danced and sang along with Disney movies. It warmed your heart to see her so content and safe in the arms of her father.

“Told you you’d do a good job.”

“I know, but she missed you too. She kept pointing at your room almost silently asking for me to go get you.”

“Sweet baby, I hope she’ll let me hold her once I’m out.”

“I’m sure she will.” He smiles at you.

“So…”

“So what?” He gave you a confused look.

“What is her name? Please tell me you picked something.”

He smiles again and nods. “I did.”

“Ok and what is it?” You ask excitedly and he smiles.

“Charlotte Elise Barnes.”

Ch. 5

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lazarushound · 3 months

Text

The Official lazarushound Dean Winchester Playlist

Okay so this playlist is a big deal to literally no one except me but I spent like two hours explaining every single song on my dean playlist and I'll be damned if I don't share it with SOMEONE.

The playlist in question, which I update and add songs too fairly often(ish). It's roughly arranged in order of Dean's story, from pre-canon to the finale. A fair few of the songs are courtesy of catgirlhannibal, whom I adore.

Warning that is is a VERY LONG READ and almost definitely is plagued with typos. Without further ado, here is the 9.5k word explanation of every single song (at time of posting) on the playlist. Call that shit explicable Dean Winchester vibes, complete with my favourite lyrics from each song.

• Ramble On - Led Zeppelin

Dean's favourite song! The whole song is basically about having no choice but to keep going, even when things are tough. It's also actually about LOTR which is funny cause Dean's secretly a nerd lol. But yeah, it reflects a lot on Dean's nature as a traveller and someone who never settles in one place for long. Sometimes I grow so tired but I know I've got one thing I've got to do - I ramble on.

• Travelling Riverside Blues - Led Zeppelin

Dean's other favourite song! Probably not a popular reading of this song but for me, it definitely has a level of queer coding. Asked sweet mama, let me be your kid, she said "you might get hurt if you don't keep it hid" is the most obvious example of it.

• Psalms 40:2 - The Mountain Goats

Very biblical song lol. It's a lot about small town America (as many TMG songs are) and shitty motels which resonates with Dean pretty heavily. Not to mention: He has raised me from the pit and set me high.

• Night Moves - Bob Segar

This one is literally in the show so naturally reminds me of him. But it's about a teenage romance which definitely makes me think of young Dean. I mean, come on: out in the backseat of my '60 Chevy when the man drives a '67 Chevy??

• Father - The Front Bottoms

A few songs on this playlist are pretty much only there for one or two lines. This is not one of them. I could write another essay about this song and how it relates to Dean, every fucking line. You were high school, and I was just more like real life, and you were okay as a girlfriend, but I was just more like his wife 😮‍💨

• Old Number Seven - The Devil Makes Three

This is another song I'm pretty convinced was written about Dean. Once played it on guitar and my dad asked if it was about him so that's all the validation I needed. Angels start to look good to me, they're gonna have to deport me to the fiery deep.

• Mission - Alex G

This song to me is very much pre canon/season one Dean. It's all about following orders and being a good soldier, much like Dean's devotion to his father. I was trained to stick to the mission, I was trained, I kept it on track. To me, Mission has a slightly bitter tone, as though the narrator is resentful that they've followed orders so obediently and only suffered as a result.

• Adam Raised a Cain - Bruce Springsteen

Courtesy of catgirlhannibal. What a surprise, another biblical song. Dean sees himself as nothing more than a soldier, violent and aggressive. He sees his father as a hero, despite the fact that he's an abusive bastard. Well, daddy worked his whole life for nothing but pain, now he walks these empty rooms looking for something to blame.

• Shoulders - Big Thief

Okay, I'd argue this song is more akin to Sam than Dean but fuck you, this is my playlist and I choose the music. And the blood of the man who killed my mother with his hands, it's in me, it's in me, in my veins is obviously related to Sam and Azazel but also to Dean and John, as though Dean comes to realise that he's just like his father.

• Celene - Gigi Perez

End of season two! This song is about losing a sibling and is very much the mindset I pictured Dean to be in after losing Sam for the first time. I'd also argue it's how Dean felt when Sam was at Stanford. The other day I thought of something funny, but no one would have laughed but you.

• Like Real People Do - Hozier

Why were you digging? What did you bury before those hands pulled me from the earth? HELLOOO CASTIEL! Very season four Destiel, those boys will NOT kiss like real people do.

• It's Only Sex - Car Seat Headrest

Okay so post-resurrection Dean is VERRRRRY traumatised which makes it difficult for him to enjoy the things he used to love, including sex. This song is also about his struggle over his feelings for Cas: what happens if I don't like it? I like you.

• Not Allowed - TV Girl

Well, you may not like it but you better learn how cause it's your turn now! Very much following on from It's Only Sex, similar themes in this song but more relating to Dean's insistence on keeping up The Act and pretending he's the same man he was before Hell.

• Presumably Dead Arm - Sidney Gish

Second catgirlhannibal song to make the list. Just to start this off, this isn't the start of anything. To me, this whole song is Dean skirting around his feelings for Cas and trying to pretend they don't exist in hopes they go away eventually. They don't. Honey, you are nothing to me, (but alcohol and dopamine)/(I don't call people anything thought to be so sweet).

• Tangled in Ropes - Holy Locust

I literally wrote a whole essay about this one so I'll keep it short with just the best lyric. Had a laugh made of wax, house made of butter, how they melted that summer.

• Hate Yourself - TV Girl

If there's one thing we've learned about Dean Winchester, it's that the man loves to use sex as a means to avoid his problems. How long will it take? Before you start to hate yourself and go straight into the arms of someone else is just straight up Dean struggling to give himself time to grieve and overcome his trauma. He'd rather just hookup with someone else and pretend it doesn't make him hate himself more and more every time.

• Cherry Wine - Hozier

See: my whole essay about this song and Destiel. And it's worth it, it's divine, I have this some of the time.

• Body to Flame - Lucy Dacus

Another catgirlhannibal song! I see you holding your breath with your arms outstretched, waiting for someone to come rip open your chest. This song to me feels like Dean kicking himself for every trusting Cas, after Cas betrays him for the first time. To accept Cas as his family was going against his every instinct to close himself off from outsiders, and Cas just proved him right by betraying him.

• Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridges

Okay this one is basically just for I hate you for what you did, and I miss you like a little kid lol. It just perfectly encapsulates Dean, bitter and resentful towards Cas whilst simultaneously missing him so much his heart aches.

• I'm Your Man - Mitski

Oh, woof. Continuing the betrayal arc, this song is all about Dean's guilt. It's his fault Cas fell from Heaven, his fault this angel isn't holy anymore. I'm sorry I'm the one you love, no one will ever love me like you again.

• Not Strong Enough - Boygenius

Where do I start? Always an angel, never a god 😮‍💨 I think if you played this song to Dean it would break him a little bit. I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM THE WAY I AM!!!

• Legit Tattoo Gun - The Front Bottoms

I was aware of this song but catgirlhannibal brought to my attention that it's Destiel coded 🧐 Who did I think I was? Who did I think that I could be? Oh, how dare me. Dean just kicking himself for ever thinking he could allow himself to have something with Cas.

• SHALLOW (PPL SWIM IN SHALLOW WATER) - Saya Gray

Okay, this one is a bit of a "hear me out." I'm seeing Mother Mary, she says I'm closer to Hell than the clouds are to Heaven. Dean's mother is called Mary so she's LITERALLY Mother Mary which scratches my brain very nicely. Obviously Dean sees himself as a sinner and doomed for Hell, despite the fact that he's a hero. And I left my enemies, cause nobody hates myself more than me, GOOD LORD DOES THAT MAN LOVE SOME SELF LOATHING. My mother's evil and the angels too is soooooo self explanatory. Dean has an idealistic version of Mary in his head which is challenged when she comes back to life and he interacts with her as an adult. There's also the fact that real angels aren't as "good" as you'd think. Sometimes I don't think I'm cherished enough.

• John Wayne Gacy, Jr. - Sufjan Stevens

This song is an allegory for being gay. The narrator sees himself as evil, just as bad as the serial killer for which the song is named, just because he's gay. And in my best behaviour, I am really just like him, look beneath the floorboards for the secrets I have hid.

• Always - Panic! At the Disco

Another one that is less obvious without me explaining it lol. The light in this song is a reference to the Great Gatsby which is a whole other queer coded story in its own right. But I always (hehe) picture this song as Dean struggling with Cas' feelings for him which are becoming more and more evident. It was always you falling for me particularly stands out to me, along with you are taking me apart like bad glue on a get well card.

• Star Tripping - Kevin Atwater

Okay I looooooove love this song. But it's another song which relates to God and being queer. It's about a very toxic relationship, in which one person is relatively okay with their sexuality and the other is incredibly repressed (seem familiar?). I could use any lyric from this song but I'll go with: you think He made you wrong, I think you're giving Him way too much credit, crying at the party, know it only bothers you if you let it, later you can kiss me, blame it on the stuff you took to forget it.

• The Calendar - Panic! At The Disco

Another Panic! song 💀 also from vices and virtues. Another "hear me out." There's the more obvious I will come back to life but only for you but I also think the rest of the song relates pretty strongly to Destiel. You said if you don't let it out, you're gonna let it eat you away, I'd rather be a cannibal baby, animals like me don't talk anyway. For me, it strongly resembles Dean's view of himself, an attack dog. Cannibalism as a metaphor for love. And obviously that man loves to repress stuff and let it eat him away, so to speak.

• Lacy - Olivia Rodrigo

Lawd. This song has a lot of queer subtext in and of itself. It's all about adoring someone to the point where you become insecure because you know you'll never be as good as them. The song is bitter and resentful whilst simultaneously loving and adoring. I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you, yeah I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you. He hates himself because he loves Cas. HE HATES HIMSELF BECAUSE HE LOVES CAS.

• Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths

Dean does not let himself have nice things. Lord knows, it would be the first time. This song feels pretty self explanatory to me lol.

• Feeling Oblivion - Turin Brakes

Okay this is my favourite song of all time so I'm slightly biased for including it HOWEVER. I feel it also applies to Dean pretty well. We're now at the point in the story where Dean is about to/has already lost Cas. This song invokes an incredibly deep feeling of nostalgia for me, like looking back on when things were better. Now it is night time, maybe we're cruising avoiding the anti-cruise, like tell me this isn't Dean and Cas just driving around Kansas cause Dean can't sleep 😭 and don't even get me fucking started on so don't leave me here on my own, by the time fear takes me over, will we still be rolling? Feeling oblivion cause this song makes me cry every time I hear it I stg.

• Who We Are - Hozier

Poor Dean :( bro has just lost his best friend, and is now realising that he'll never be able to tell him how he felt. It's like he's seeing things plainly for the first time, realising what he's been missing. He never had Cas because they spent so long avoiding their relationship, and now it's too late. You only feel it when it's lost, getting through still has its cost, quietly, it slips through your fingers, love, falling from you drop by drop.

• Crack Baby - Mitski

I don't know if I really need to say more than: crack baby, you don't know what you want, but you know that you had it once, and you know that you want it back.

• Knockin' on Heaven's Door - Bob Dylan

This is another song that's in the show (dark side of the moon, I love you) so naturally reminds me of Dean. It might be a bit on the nose putting it right at the end but it just feels like Dean finally letting himself rest (die of tetanus). Mama, put my guns in the ground, I can't shoot them anymore.

#supernatural #cw supernatural #spn #dean winchester #castiel #deancas #dean and cas #destiel #spotify playlist #character playlist #playlist

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