Steve: *Looks around the room and sees it's a mess* "Y/N? What happened?"
Y/N: "Before or after sex with Ikaris? Because I can give you a full detailed report on what happened. See first, Ikaris bended me over the desk, and then he went behind me and shoved his giant coc–"
Steve: "–That's enough. I don't need to hear the details. Just clean it up."
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Midnight Pals: Fox Devils
Sam Richard: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the fox devils
Richard: it's about this kid from a super religious family
Richard: they don't even let him watch cartoons!
Richard: [shaking head] they don't even let him watch cartoons.
Richard: his parents are so religious they think all pop culture is satanic
William Peter Blatty: yes, yes
Blatty: they're right you know
Blatty: that's why i don't sully my brain with any non-catholic entertainment
Blatty: the only thing i watch is pope speeches
Blatty and Cars 2
Richard: his mother says "cartoons" are "a satanic playpen" and "tiny idols"
Richard: and that he needs to be "a warrior for christ"
Barker: why's she talk like that
Richard: like what?
Barker: like a zagat review
Richard: so one day his parents are at bible study
Richard: so he decides to watch a forbidden cartoon
Richard: his parents think that cartoons are satanic, you see
Richard: turns out that they're right
Blatty: i could have told you that
Richard: see, there's this cartoon
Richard: where a bunch of punks finds a satanic grimoire
King: wait, they put a satanic grimoire in a cartoon?
Richard: yes
Richard: really incredible the sort of things they put in cartoons these days
Blatty: yeah this all scans
Richard: and then the kid finds that same satanic grimoire in his local library
Richard: cuz it turns out this town he lives in
Richard: is really cool
Richard: the kid summons all these little fox devils
Richard: who follow him around and kill people
Richard: just a bunch of little guys
Richard: some real little birthday boys
Richard: but the important thing about these little fox demons
Richard: if this was a movie
Richard: we'd be talking some real wet puppets
Roger Corman: yes
Corman: YES
Richard: now the kid's gonna fuck up the evil town reverend
Richard: but the reverend's not important
Richard: what is important is these fox demons
Richard: they are adorable
Richard: you're gonna want one of your very own!
Corman: you know what would be great?
Corman: what if they killed people in really comical ways
Corman: like with a pogo stick or something
Corman: and there could be like
Corman: comical high-pitched chittering on the soundtrack
Charles Band: i like the way roger thinks
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"Welcome to training, Y/N." Steve said. He was dressed in his Captain America suit, vibranium shield gleaming underneath the lights of the training area.
He was directed by Fury to make sure that Y/N was ready for the field. He was powerful, but he lacked the experience to make him a powerful force for good. Steve was here to test him and make sure he was ready.
"You'll have two minutes to fight me. Me light on your feet. Be fast. Stay focused."
"Sounds easy enough." Y/N said.
"Any questions?" Steve asked him.
"Yeah. Why is he here?" Y/N indicated to Ikaris, who flew down next to Steve with a smirk. "Two against one isn't a fair fight."
"You have to remember that in the field, your enemies won't care about fairness or taking it easy. They'll do whatever they have to do to win the fight. You need to adapt and be quick to counter." Steve said.
"Also, you have super-strength and speed. Invulnerability. I'd say this is more than fair." Ikaris smirks.
Y/N nods and gets in a fighting stance. He's ready for this.
Steve spun and threw his shield at Y/N, who bends back ompletely, avoiding the attack. It ricochet off the wall and back into Steve's hands. He and Ikaris share a nod as Ikaris flights into the air and directs his optical lasers at Y/N. The young Avenger used his superspeed to run all around the room as Ikaris tried to tag him.
Y/N runs forward and swipes Steve's shield from his hands and uses it to protect him from Ikaris's golden eye beam blasts. Y/N uses the same move as Steve and throws the shield at Ikaris's chest, sending him flying into the wall. Steve runs towards Y/N, in hand to hand combat as they both block, kick, and punch.
The Super-Soldier throws a kick as Y/N grabs it and throws him to the side. Steve flips mid-air and uses the momentum of Y/N's throw to jump off the wall and back towards him. At that exact moment, Ikaris throws the shield forward, and Steve catches it at the last second, slamming himself into Y/N as they both go sliding across the floor.
Y/N stood up a moment later and glared at Steve and Ikaris. "Haven't you had enough?"
Steve smiled. "I could do this all day."
He charged forward and took a swipe as Y/N ducked before colliding with Ikaris's fist. He grunts as he blocks their attacks as much as possible, but between Steve and Ikaris's fluid movements, it's hard for Y/N to find a place to counterattack. He was sent flying by both their combined strengths as he hit the wall and moans slightly.
"Maybe he's not taking this seriously." Ikaris teased.
That made Y/N's blood boil. Who was this asshole to judge him? Even if he is hot, he's still an asshole. Y/N charged forward as Ikaris met his attack as they were both locked into a contest of strength. "Don't tell me you're going easy on us? Is that all you have to offer?"
Y/N headbutts Ikaris then swipes his legs and knocks him on his back. Y/N zips forward and slammed his fists into Steve's shield as it absorbs the force. Y/N zips around and slams his fists all over Steve's body as the soldier grunts in pain. Ikaris flew into the air and sent a blast their way as Y/N threw the shield one more time, and the force caused a small explosion as the shield fell harmlessly to the floor.
Before anyone could move, the sound of a buzzer went off, indicating the two minutes were up. Steve stood and retrieved his shield. "I'm impressed. You relied on both your powers and your own skills. Ikaris?"
They looked at the Eternal, who had a hard look on his face. "You were okay at best. You need more training. Your technique was sloppy, and it could have cost you the battle."
"But I did everything you said. There was no rule about beating you guys." Y/N protested.
"If you think like that, then you'll never be ready for anything." Ikaris said.
"Screw you!" Y/N turned to walk off.
"Y/N!" Steve said.
He speeds off as Steve sighed and glared at Ikaris. "Did you have to be so harsh?"
"This isn't a game, Steve. This is real life. He needs to learn the hard way."
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