Happy Robin Hood Day! (26 April 2024)

Allan a Dale trying to get himself out of trouble (and only ending up in more trouble). BBC Robin Hood (2006) 01x01.

@mygangtome

Bonus:

perhaps you've heard this before...

Summary: Assigning some trope dynamics/situations to the Fontaine guys! Gender neutral reader as usual.

Characters: Neuvillette, Wriothesley, Lyney

Back in a time when Neuvillette was still in his draconic form, you were a healer living in the outskirts who came across a mysterious creature that seemed to have an injury on its leg.

Suffice to say, Neuvillette was not open to a random stranger approaching him at the time, eyeing you warily as you did what you could to wrap up the wound. A glance was shared at the awkward bandaging, having used all your gauze because of his sheer size, before you sighed and backed away, giving Neuvillette a look that said “Don't run away, I’ll be back.”

And back you were, with proper medicine and an odd concoction that soothed pain. When you were satisfied you gave him a pat on his other leg and told him it should heal up soon. He didn’t place much expectations on the works of a human healer, but surprisingly enough it did recover sooner than he expected. Perhaps it was because it wasn’t a serious injury, but you seemed to be quite happy about it anyways.

From there started an odd friendship between Neuvillette and you, like passing neighbors that would sometimes share stories (you sharing the story, him wondering why you chose to speak to him instead of another human). 

Who would’ve thought then that many years later, you’d be reincarnated as a citizen in the current Fontaine, and cross paths with Neuvillette again?

What first started as a sense of familiarity soon turned into recognition, when Neuvillette saw you speaking to some of the local children playing at the fountain. The way the sunlight seems to derive its glow from you… it’s quite hard to forget.

This time however you were a little intimidated by the Chief Justice speaking to you, even if he’d just found an excuse to do so after scaring off some thugs that attempted to take your wallet. Though Neuvillette did have to admit - it was quite amusing to see you more nervous about his presence than the thugs. It was a far cry from your meeting those centuries ago, even if he was the only one to remember it.

After you warmed up to him though, you were comfortable enough to act like you usually did. Once you asked Neuvillette to guess what you changed about your appearance, only to reveal that you’d worn a ribbon to match his, but on your wrist - inside of your sleeve.

At his note that he’d only see it if he invaded your space, you boldly replied that perhaps that’s what you were trying to get him to do. In that moment, the afternoon had suddenly turned very bright, as if the clouds just suddenly evaporated from the sky.

Is this what happens when the Hydro Dragon gets flustered? You’re none-the-wiser, save for the way Neuvillette is pointedly trying to avoid your gaze.

You’re a reformed thief who now works under Wriothesley as part of your sentence (that is to say, you’re his all-purpose errand runner who already had a hand in things related to… the illegal sides of Fontaine, so this was a matter of resourcefulness on the court’s part.)

Though more often than not, Wriothesley says that you really don’t act the part of a criminal serving their time. Whenever you’re introduced to a newbie, you have fun saying you’re a detective, or assistant jailer, or some other job that doesn’t exist. 

For all your evasive ways however, there was something about Wriothesley’s presence that seemed to ground you a little. Maybe it’s the way he manages to see through your lies, or the way he treats you the same no matter what atrocious things leave your mouth.

…Maybe it’s because you lack genuine malice. Maybe it’s because having grown up in a world where you didn’t fit in with the normal folk, nor the criminals, you found a bit of solace having a place to return to at the end of the day to Wriothesley and Waghild at headquarters.

…Not that you’ll ever say that outright. You’d rather retell the story of how you and Wriothesley met than confess something so vulnerable. (Read: you were trying to steal something from him, and he’d caught you by the wrist, immediately cornering you against the wall next to him. Suffice to say your heart nearly jumped out of your chest in more ways than one.)

‘You meet a charming stranger on the streets of Fontaine’, is how this retelling might go. But the first meeting in your eyes was simply a reunion in Lyney’s, who is the only one between you that remembers your encounter when you were still children, and you’d told him a story about a magician who could make flowers bloom from their fingertips, saying it was nothing short of a miracle.

Suffice to say, you were more than caught off-guard when Lyney asked you for your help during a street performance in the present time, and slipped a note into your pocket which told you to ‘follow the map’.

You recognised the Opera Epiclese as the X marked on the paper. As soon as you arrived, the map in your hands started to glow - seeming to take on a life of its own as it darted out of your hands and flew through the gap between the door, leaving you bewildered but intrigued as you followed its lead.

Through the entrance and the second pair of doors, the sound of Lyney’s voice echoed through the room. Was he rehearsing for a show?

The moment you opened the door to peek in however, you were immediately proven wrong by the seats that were occupied - VIP guests with a private show from Lyney and Lynette, with you somehow privy to it, grandiose lights, music and all.

The thing is, you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Out of the corner of your eye the sentient map settles upon an empty seat at the back row before losing its magic, which held no other occupants (most of them populated the rows closer to the stage, private party and all).

From your peaceful place at the top, you sit quietly in awe at the impossible acts onstage. Flying birds, disappearing people, and the classic sawing-in-half trick that had the entire theater in stitches - it was safe to say that the twins commanded one's attention like no other.

As he closed up the show however, Lyney glanced up towards the rows where you sat, hidden away from the general view. Pleasantly surprised that his secret audience did in fact come to watch him, he wears a secretive smile as he bids the crowd farewell, making his leave.

The next minute, a breathless Lyney’s rushed to find you before you could leave. While the guests downstairs have just ended their time with the great magician, it seems that your evening with him has just begun.

My Souls Hot Takes

Decided to write up a couple of my less popular opinions for souls games. Please don't get upset over any of these, if you disagree that's totally valid

Dark Souls 1:

Bell Gargoyles is my favorite base game boss

I don't like Ornstein and Smough that much

Gwyn's theme is nowhere near as sad or dramatic as its made out to be in my opinion

Painted World isnt fun to me at all

Tomb of the Giants isnt that bad

I miss the whimiscal 80s fantasy aesthetic the series lost in the following entries even if i understand it narratively

Dark Souls 2:

I'm not just a hater or fail to appreciate an underrated gem, I simply dont enjoy this game

I think Darklurker is mid and the runback gimmick is stupid

The world and lore arent that much better to me than any other souls games and dont save the game

Life Gems are actually pretty okay

Old Dragonslayer is really not that big of a deal

Royal Rat Vanguard is the single worst boss in souls to me

Fume Knight is just kinda alright to me, I enjoy Sir Alonne much more

The health cap loss fucking sucks i hate it

Its perfectly fine to both love and hate this game please calm tf down

Dark Souls 3:

Soul of Cinder isnt that exciting, I might just be biased though bc i started the DS games with 3

Jailers arent that bad, Thralls are way worse

Ancient Wyvern kinda funny tbh

I really really dislike Sister Friede

The random wolf guy in ariandel is the wost boss in 3

Corvian Knights are the coolest enemy in the trilogy

The game isnt actually as ugly and monotone as people say

Pontiff Sulyvahn is sooooo mid to me I could not care less for his parry bait jojo stand ass goofy fight

Yhorm is such a nothing boss without the siegward narrative to me

Demon Prince solos literally any other duo boss and its not even close

R1 and O spam is a dark souls staple to me, not DS3 exclusive at all

Dragonslayer Armor and Oceiros are insanely underrated

Sekiro:

Demon of Hatred actually slaps

Corrupted Monk actually slaps

Great Shinobi Owl is really mid to me, too gimmicky

Guardian Ape has the same issues as DoH just to a lesser extend

The 2 giant beast (serpent and carp) area hazards are so good

Souls should give underwater another shot imo

Most of the minibosses are kinda bad to me

Bloodborne:

Laurence is actually peak

Not really a fan of Maria's fight, gonna replay the game soon to see if it'll finally click

Winter Lanters are pretty cool

Micolash fans are weird why are there so many

Yharnam Sunrise is the most boring ending of any souls game

As much as i would love it, I cant feasibly see a logical contuination of the Bloodborne universe

Saw Spear mid idc

Chalice Dungeons are both infinitely better and worse than people say I really dont know how to feel about them

Simon's Bowblade is one of the coolest weapons in fiction

Elden Ring:

Morgott is underrated

Dragons are underrated

Placidusax's theme is kinda eh to me

Radahn and Malenia are equal, both fandoms can stfu, it said fought to a standstill for a reason

Rykard is genuinely a good fight even with the gimmick in mind

I don't care for vyke, frenzy, shabriri or any other madness hoobla

I hate using great spears so much

Summons are VALID. If they were cheating they wouldnt be in the game. Get over yourself

Idc how much you can counter it I dont like malenia's waterfowl dance and health regain

Godskin Duo isn't that bad, the REAL enemy is valiant gargoyles

Royal Revenants, Birds and Runebears at least have the decency to be rare... Imps and Lobsters though

Volcano Manor is underrated as fuck, such a unique level for a souls game with so much cool lore and visual flare

Jailer (2023) Spoiler Review

If you like pure mass entertainment and a group of veteran actors kicking ass, you'll love Jailer.

I saw Rajni's Petta a while back and while I enjoyed some parts of it, I was largely frustrated towards the end. I also saw Nelson's (the director) Beast, and while it had a straightforward premise, some parts of it were eyebrow-raising (I still love the hallway shooting scene with Vijay, though, that was just hella cool even if it didn't make sense). So, when they announced a Nelson and Rajinikanth collaboration, I wasn't sure if I should bother watching.

I'm glad I watched it though. For one, the story isn't all over the place. The revenge angle and heist subplot made sense together.

The flashback revealing Rajini's days as a hard-core warden aka Jailer was pretty nice. I liked that his hair style looked like the one in his older movies. However, I really don't understand why the inmates liked him or became loyal to him. It was never showed what he did to make them turn over a new leaf. They just said he helped them, but we mainly saw him being extremely violent.

Okay, this is part where I reveal that I saw Jailer a day after I saw Jawan. I couldn't help comparing the action in both movies because the action in Jailer is so violent! I'm not complaining or cringing. I actually liked the over-the-top violence lmao. It's just that I was like "Oh, right, this is one of things I was waiting for in Jawan -- hyperviolence!" LMAO.

Anyway, I do love that the former inmates that helped him were veteran action stars from Kannada, Malayalam, and Hindi cinema: Shiva Rajkumar, Mohanlal and Jackie Shroff respectively. Bruh, I had goosebumps when Shiva R stepped into the house to protect Muthu's family while the Hukum song played!

Next, let's talk about the songs and bgm. "Hukum" really is such a banger of a song. And the style that they do, where they insert bits of the song's melody into cool scenes that build up and lead to the FULL SONG or at least CHORUS is such a great style because it makes you so hyped for the next badass scene!

Now, the family -- I honestly thought Rajni and Ramya Krishnan would have more romantic moments together since this is their reunion. Like, yes, they're grandparents now, but so what? It's always nice to see older people still doing romantic stuff with each other y'know.

Anyway, that twist with his son! I didn't expect them to go all the way with the betrayal but wow. It was really sad, but I liked that they went for that gut-wrenching story, too. Rajini is not much of a dramatic actor, but his performance was good for what the script called for. Also, his partnership with Yogi Babu was funny and nice. Also, those bald sharp-shooter guys! Their costume changes! That was so hilarious! And Varman's henchmen! The random funny characters and elements are really such a fun part of the mass experience.

All in all, Jailer is a really enjoyable movie for the whole family (if your kids are old enough to not be so desensitized to violence I guess).

I had a kindof fun dream last night!!

There were multiple parts to it, including:

An Island part (🙄reconnecting with an old friend I would never actually reconnect with)

A Highschool part (There was a train station and grocery store attached to our school and a really creepy teacher played by Victor Garber in my head)

A Ship part (Had to get everyone on the ship before the Island sank)

A Prison part, and-

A Mall part (four words- living faceless mannequin creatures)

I'm focused on the prison part. So, I was in prison (with basically all the kids from my primary school grown up- which was odd, but parr for the course in my dreams) and it wasn't co-ed but the men's yard and the women's yard was separated just by two lines of mesh caging and a grassy alleyway in between for the guards to stalk through, and there were constant break-in's from the mens side to the womens side. Men were constantly being let into the little caged alley between the men's and women's yards to get a treat (something yummy to eat. I don't know why they couldn't have it in their yard, but whatever) and then they would inevitably see us and break down the remaining fence separating them from our side.

As women, we did not want that of course because a lot of the men were creepy and dangerous and, you know, had been in prison for years with little female contact, BUT- there were certain people on the men's side (Like Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Bubba Sawyer, and Freddy Krueger) who provided different levels of service if you got to them before the guards repaired the fence (or other, scarier men got you). So like

Michael: Could possibly break another fence all on his own so you could get completely out of prison. But he was difficult to persuade.

Jason: Could do the same as Michael but was much easier to persuade.

Bubba: Couldn't really do anything for you but he was known to be nicer then the others (like I said- different levels. He was at the bottom, but he was comforting at least! ^^), and-

Freddy: Could possibly transport you out of the prison completely through your dreams but that was risky, of course. Because... you know. He is bastard.

My friend and I- we were constantly trying to get to Freddy, Jason or Michael when the fencing between men's and women's sections broke because 1. Its jail. And not a good one. 2. We had this very creepy onion-obsessed tweed-wearing pervert guard who was making us very uncomfortable (of course 😒 thanks brain. Though the guard was basically the teacher from my earlier dream played by Victor Garber and everything, so... you know, pros and cons- ) and 3. I needed to get out and help my boyfriend escape a different prison!! See, there were two prisons on the island; A good prison and a bad prison- I was in the bad one, he was in the good one. But do you know who that boyfriend was??

That was Jim! ^^ XDD

Now I don't know how on earth I ended up in the bad guys prison and he ended up in the good guys prison but that was how it was,.. and,.. actually it was just a pretty fun dream all in all XD 😄 I wonder- what would a psychologist say t h i s dream means? XD I can explain parts of it as I was thinking a lot about Jim yesterday and the last song I listened to before bed was Please Mr Jailer (Which is on my Callahan playlist- and Victor Garber plays Movie Ver. Callahan) but most of it is just very random to me XD

Gather 'round kids, it's Complaining About DD2 Time, and since this is my private hole I'm not gonna be too polite about it.

Spoilers to be expected, obviously. Please, if you like dd2 and its backstories, do not go ahead and read. I'm not going to convince you it's bad and you're not going to convince me it's good. This is for my own sake and to any that want to read someone expressing their own annoyance at length.

Now, I was never a DD2 nay-sayer. And gameplay-wise? This is not a bad game. It's not DD1 and I'm glad for it. It had the balls to try something new and it succeeded there. The main issues were patched out in early access, the visuals are STUNNING and the music is as good as always.

But story-wise? As a sequel to DD1? As an opportunity to expand the lore of beloved characters? It failed so, so hard. Like, "what the fuck are you doing, how are you doing this to the characters you wrote"-hard.

Characters have their mistakes whitewashed from their dd1 portrayals, random trauma is dumped on them without any sense of character progression or central motivation. Dismas is by far the worst offender on the whitewashing front, but he's not the only one. It's not enough for them to be normal, kind of shitty people in bad circumstances, they gotta go through the meatgrinder! Audrey HAD to kill her husband, he was an abusive monster and probably going to kill her first! Dismas was just a hungwy boy! Boudica was a dumb teen and also didn't run away without a fight! It's not enough for Alhazred to live with Space Satan inside his head because of his ill-advised search for power, he's got to have dead friends to be sad about! Sexual repression, humiliation and banishment aren't enough for Junia, she's got to be tortured for days and see all her friends and acquaintances die in one of the most horrific ways!

Sometimes even their personalities seem to have been overwritten. Para's morbid obsessions and general lack of ethics are lot more subdued. Sarmenti isn't a overtly violent and secretly depressed clown, he's more about his music than anything. Dismas' isn't hiding a heart under 10 layers of whiskey, sarcasm and false confidence, he's just sort of sour. And boring.

And somehow the exception to all this blorbofication is Damian who goes from "miserable guy who gets a few too many screws lose and joins a cult" to... a fucking torturer. Which is never addressed in a meaningful way because *key jingling noise* LOOK A FIGHT WITH DEATH that's more interesting, right? Dude has three completely different beats to his backstory and none of them lead to any satisfying conclusion or unifying theme.

Did they forget this is the guy who was eager and willing to give himself to the Heart of Darkness as the ultimate sacrifice? Why is he denying death now? Where did the religious motivation of his pain obsession go? Did he just knock at St Martha's dressed as a beggar and ask if they were hiring torturers? What did he do that got him kicked out by people who think branding children is ok? Why does a convent have a dedicated torturer on the payroll anyway? Are we just going to forget that Junia beat him with a stick? Now everyone's buddies? What? What's happening here? Why is Death less trouble than an Examplar?

I'm not opposed to Damian being shown as a dick, I'm sure he is one given his belief system but please, for the love of god, tell ONE story and make it coherent.

Which brings us back to Junia. How the hell does the end of her shrines connects to her now? If she was condemned and never absolved by authority, just knocked out her jailer and made a run for it, why does she have Vestal armor and act as a member of the Church? Who even let her leave? Why isn't there a bounty on her head? What authoritarian religious authority would have let a heretic that says the Light told her it was ok to fuck run amok? It was more important to end her story on a shock twist than to have it make sense, so we jut don't know.

On the topic of adding shit for the sake of it: why wasn't it enough to have Sarmenti be a normal guy pushed too far by a bunch of asshole nobles? What exactly does the evil magic song add to it? If he has to have something to regret about the whole thing, why not just add innocent victims to his rampage? Or have him do questionable things in his despair to never be trapped again? Again, write ONE story well instead of adding incrongruent shit that looks cool!

And I'm gonna go out and say it... I'm not the biggest Reynauld fan in this fandom, not by a FAR shot. I think he's an interesting dude. And of course he'll have a special place in player's minds as one of the dd1 starters. But that shit at the end? Unnecessary spit in the eye for anyone who gave a damn. If you were hoping for him to show up in the game, I don't know how you'd read this besides "lol fuck you he's DEAD and also not fucking important".

When I first heard about something involving him at the end of the game I was accepting. Sure, he'll turn out to have been devoured by the Heart of Darkness and show up as a surprise part of the end boss, right? Tragic and painful, but not a bad end for him story-wise! It would have been the sort of cruel twist I'd have expected from Darkest Dungeon. It takes the character and does something interesting with him! What better to represent our ultimate failure than reminding the characters and the player of everyone we sacrificed in the first game? If he's going to be dead, it might as well mean something.

But nope. He's. Not there. Not even as a grave. His fucking helmet is lying around and used as a candlestick. Apparently by Dismas, who of course has no reason to give a fuck. The hell, man.

And the overall arc? I was so there for it. Redemption, failure, struggle against impossible odds, one must imagine Sisyphus being happy, that's my jam. But as it turns out, it was a straightforward hero story. Sure, there's the sting that the darkness in people's hearts will show up again and bla bla bla, but that's standard fare too. The hopeless struggle wasn't at all hopeless, you just had to kill the big monster. Which fixes things because... I don't know, cosmic therapy? A wizard did it? Where did the cultists go? The fanatics? What about the Heart of Darkness, why is it just chilling with all the blood that's been spilled? I get that they wanted to write something more hopeful, but to sweep aside all the worldbuilding that suggests that it shouldn't be this easy feels cheap and unrewarding. I expected some sort of twist, a terrible cost that is worth it regardless.

What I got was a candlestick helmet.

hihihihihi can i have some mele trivia 🥺👉👈💖

HI!!!!!! RUNS IN CIRCLES OF COURSE sorry this may be long.

mele has a soft spot for striders !!! I’m a bit out of it rn but birds. she has a bunch of creatures she takes care of . but specifically she has 4 striders I care about

in order of pictures:

- elysium (swift forest strider)

- musette (swift shorestrider)

- juliet (swift lovebird)

& not pictured is dionisia, a swift springstrider! she also has a lovebird chick named mortis :) !!!!

she’s a hardcore sylvanas loyalist. for the most part. yes this is because she will support her wife but it’s… also because she has a lot of lost anger and sorrow with nowhere to go. her grief has a purpose if it’s to follow sylvanas. That said, mele… did not support burning teldrassil . mele is more of an internalised anger person rather than. actually doing something about it. in my genius mind, mele shows up to the scene moments after sylvanas has ordered the burning. also she gets hit with a misfired flaming cannonball or whatever and her right leg gets fucked right up.

she got locked up in torghast for a good while. she started there as a follower of sylvanas, but eventually. her faith was not strong enough. she was there for sylvanas, not for the jailer, not for the mawsworn, not for the end goal or whatever. during this time she got really attached to mawrats (one of the only comforts in the torment, as she could. actually speak with them. yannow) so she has a few mawrat friends . one of them is a little guy named morose. the others are named ennata and fleurdelice. OH and she befriended a. hound? one of those dog things. named elsinore

she’s a big fan of shitty romance novels. she has a collection stored that maintains even into undeath. she’s the kind of person to read them on the train

mele lost their right eye to their parent, tandelin. she’s a paladin, a high ranking member of the silvermoon guard and the world’s most insufferable woman. mele and her meet again following mele becoming undead, and as tandelin absolutely despises the undead, she basically disowned mele (and eventually mele’s undead siblings) and as a ‘parting gift’ basically burnt mele’s eye with light.

she’s really close w most of the other dark rangers!! in my heart they all sleep in a pile like those artworks of sylvanas with a crowd of dark rangers. it’s real to me. idgaf if undead sleep or not. they do now . she does have a best friend but I am super out of it and I forgot the name .

mele was the head veterinarian & beastmaster of the farstriders in quel’thalas. idrc if that’s a thing or not it is now. but yeah ! they are as comfortable with a bow as they are with a scalpel. also random but mele wore their hair in a bun a lot pre-death and I felt I should mention it. love that bitch

realised I haven’t used a fact here to say publicly that mele has the innate ability to speak with animals — the exact limitations of this is unclear as I’m too chronically ill to give enough of a fuck to go lay out the parameters. but also because who cares. anyway, they have been able to do so from birth and I’m still workshopping the exact reason why. this is also why her and Merithra met originally. and why she rose the ranks so quickly. she didn’t realise it was a weird thing that she could do as a child! so when she got older and was like. having full conversations with the hawkstriders the handlers were very ????

her and sylvanas are engaged. IDGAF!!! they were GOING to get married but then arthas did his epic gamer routine and. well. but I call them wives anyway because I can. peace and love. they met as kids and grew up together !! mele was also close friends with alleria and vereesa. the windrunner family and the morrowmourns WERE super close (like, hosting dinners for each other close) but eventually tandelin got so fucking insufferable that it mostly became the morrowmourn kids & the windrunner kids hanging out.

she wields thas’dorah simply because I say so. I really fucking hate the entire turalyon alleria bullshit with the lightforged draenei soooooooooooooooo I can justify in some weird ass way having mele wield thas’dorah . also her and alleria were tight as hell who cares. she also does have rae’shalare buuuuuuuut I imagine it’s like. idk I can do some splitting one bow in half bullshit with sylvanas and mele right. idgaf. also I do have the windrunner bow from the end time dungeon in mele’s bags so. prob that too. I’m working on getting the windrunner crossbow from ICC (can you tell I have autism)

merithra and her ARE MARRIED they GET MARRIED DURING 10.2 STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s very sweet. it is until tandelin and vellis (parents) show up at amirdrassil to attempt to welcome mele back into the family after her success ….. & literally marrying a dragon aspect. mele is NOT a fan and cracks it at them which is cool. catharsis moment lets go

also she’s a vampire. I told you this but for everyone else all of the loyal chaos fans I’m sure are reading this. she’s a vampire she got made one by blood-queen lanathel they had some extremely toxic yuri going on (post mele being brought back obv. idk specifics abt timeline re: getting control back and all but) yeah. it was NOT good and mele was very ☹️ during ICC abt it

ALSO ALSO. final fact. mele loves zereth mortis seriously she gets there and is immediately obsessed with the vombata. she has one named manslaughter and I forgot the name of the other one but it starts with e

THANKYOU FOR ASKING sorry abt the length of this i think I have autism. love you grimsley

Hello, dear JollMaster! For a long time I didn’t dare to write to you, but I still dared...I've been interested in Ghost of a Tale for a long time, as well as your creativity, and when I was reading all of yours headcanons on the fandom, I came across one of your characters that I was extremely interested in...I seem to have always been impressed by characters like Mattis Lars, and I was very happy to learn about him. I have a favor to ask of you, if you don't mind, of course...I see how much they offer you bingo and other things, understand what a waste of energy this is, but...Could you answer a few questions about him that I made up based on those bingos? In your free time and mood, of course! I'm very embarrassed to ask you...Words cannot describe how much I like characters like him, and I would like to know more about him, it would help me find inspiration and at least some strength. Your opinion is important to me...I will be incredibly happy. And, if I may, you have been my so great inspiration over the years) Thank you for everything you create, really! P.S. Don’t take it as sycophancy and impudence, please, I’m so sorry to distract you, my friend...And sorry for such a long text. (I'm writing here because I'm embarrassed) Let it be like some kind of another bingo, oh...) All the best to you!

~~~~~

1. He and alcohol (how often does he drink, how does he behave when drunk?)

2. Random two sad facts from his life

3. What kind of husband and worker is he?

4. With which of the guards he would be on friendly terms and with whom would he be at enmity?

5. What is his character like (quiet, nerd, bun, or something else?)

6. Is he prone to guard rudeness or would he not hurt a fly?

7. His D&D worldview (lawful good, neutral good and etc.)

8. How will he behave at the party?

9. How often does he swear or doesn't swear at all?

10. His attitude towards love, care, tactile contact

11. Mortal sin most peculiar to him

12. His biographical scale (lightly/normally/badly)

13. Where did he work before Dwindling Heights Keep and where did he go after 1218?

(So many questions, oh...*sighs nervously*)

hey, good morning/day/evening/night, I'm so happy because of such a big feedback! :D

so so so, my boy Mattis, if you don't joke

° he prefers mild alcohol

° random sad facts: three of his seven brothers were killed (it happened during the war with Saltar ferrets), and his wife had miscarriages four times (however, they subsequently had children)

° good husband (often sent money and letters to his family), satisfactory worker (both commanders had no complaints about his writes, except for that time with the pie-rat)

° friends with Monock Brig (gossiping), enmity with Snorl (grumpy character and envy)

° a bookworm

° won't hurt a fly, but can shout down

° chaotic good

° at party he's sitting in the corner with beer

° doesn't swear, but often uses strong language

° doesn't reject it, but also doesn't get upset if it's deprived at the moment

° greed (guys, girls, he was sent to the DHK for salary fraud)

° normally, twice badly (see above)

° stayed in DHK until 1225 PPB, even was a jailer for a year; then went to his wife's village, where he worked as a clerk

airplane watch log

Ticket To Paradise

lasted till the daughter is talking to the seaweed farmer about balance in nature and then switched it off

The Mummy

watched till she's bribing the jailer to release the main guy from getting hanged and then switched it off

One Perfect Shot

watched all six episodes the plane had, did not expect to given that I don't watch that many movies. have a random smattering of opinions

really wide variance in how good the episode's director was at just plain talking lol. I could have listened to Lemmons or Sorkin forever, despite not having seen either of their films, whereas both Jenkins and Chu seemed to often stumble into awkward repetition

unfortunate bc Jenkin's episode had actual stuff I found interesting - that her foundation of WW is not just from the show but also from watching the Superman film with the dead dad x2 right after her own father passed

okay so when the directors go into their perfect shot, I thought it would be them marking up a screencap/video. No, it is them literally stepping into a 3D recreation of the scene

unfortunately all humans look like slightly melted dolls in those renditions. Sorkin's episode on the Chicago 7 did the best job of avoiding this problem, because they stayed in the 3D recreation for the longer distance shots of the cops and the protestors but flashed to the actual movie scenes for any closeups

Lemmon's episode was probably my favorite, despite having no plans to see Harriet (my instinctive attitude towards biopics is: what if I just read a biography someday instead of watching drama lol).

It also had the best trio conversation, with her talking to the music guy and the main actress about the shot that all three of them worked on

The two episodes where one of the trio is the film's producer made those conversations a little less interesting. Not that I didn't like hearing the producers talk about logistics, because honestly I love hearing about the logistics behind random shit, just that as a conversation between three people it never quite gels

Amused that Chu said the intention behind the flora in the CRA wedding scene was to feel like nature was breaking through the church and not to feel like a commercialized version of nature. because I definitely thought it was the latter and I thought it was on purpose?? sorry my dude, it was just peak SG-deliberately cultivated nature vibes. gardens by the bay-type shit.

Girls Trip sounds like a movie that a bunch of people who are not me would enjoy, and good for them. meanwhile I cringed my way through the zip line scene. (me, 5 seconds before the scene when the costume designer talked about how it's impossible to wear underwear with the dress in question: why would anyone pick such a dress. me, watching that moment on the zipline: i....no)

big fan of Chu's mom: "when did you become such a snob?" lmao sometimes one needs to get a little bit roasted by their mom y'know

wouldn't it suck to be a director with a really shitty signature and then have to end your episode by writing said shitty signature over the best shot you ever did. wouldn't that make you so mad.

i guess they probably do it like the disney channel drawing and so your signature can look like whatever you want but still. it's the principle of the thing

how do they do it

bruh there are planes that transport million dollar horses around the country, 21 to a plane at a time. what a smelly plane that must be. did enjoy watching a grown man address a horse as "baby boy" multiple times because said horse had never flown on a plane before

sometimes I forget how much stuff is still out there being made via individual, precise effort. people carefully carving into wood the mane of a knight chess piece, gluing weights to the bottom and covering it with felt. people placing six different wheel flies in a safe lock and adjusting each one

but also machines I did not even know existed, like the one in the stainless steel factory that removes excess carbon from melted scrap metal. (after they send a guy out in a fireproof suit to stick a probe into the melted metal to measure said carbon content)

TIL that jaggery is called jaggery

So, since how Azure ended up on earth hit the cutting room floor b/c of the bbc’s stupid episode cuts, I went back to look for clues and I’m now unsure of that random man’s entire Thing?

I’d not watched the scenes since they first aired, but I went back and now i Genuinely don’t think He knew what was going on anymore than she did? I know people compared this situation to the Ruth thing, i’m not sure I totally agree (consent is the differential there) but if we are going to compare and contrast it’s worth pointing out that Lee frequently broke character when he was with Ruth in Gloucester, he Clearly was a man living a lie... This guy whose name was apparently Jon, has No moments of acknowledgement of the fakeness of this all. His role is played entirely straight. Not once is there a break of character. 

They get a warning when Swarm escapes and neither of them know what to do or what’s happening, and when Swarm appears in their bedroom at night and he wakes up at his presence, he reaches to turn on the light to see who has somehow ended up in their bedroom in the arctic circle, touches the switch and That’s the point where Swarm kills him and he looks over and tells her next to him in bed to Not Touch Anything because he perceived the sequence of events as him touching the light and it dissolving his hand! His first instinct was to genuinely warn her, And he was wrong about what had happened. 

This indicates that he had no idea who the hell Swarm was, no idea what his powers were And he had no clue his partner/gf was anything but your average human. 

I’d assumed he was a jailer but... Nothing indicates he had a clue what was going on at all. 

"The Dominion was completely justified in starting a war against the Federation." Wait, wait, don't walk away yet. I'm not claiming the Dominion was a good and just government, simply that most of their actions as portrayed in the show were reasonable responses to the actions of their opponents. Stick with me here, this is pretty long. So, lets look at the series from the Dominion's point of view. Sisko discovers the wormhole and a bunch of random ships start flying through and exploring/colonizing/exploiting the things they find on the other side. Almost immediately in Season 1 we see that other space-faring civilizations live in the Gamma Quadrant, but no mention is made of the Federation checking to see if anyone already claims any of this space. Let's make the fair assumption that the Federation/Alpha quadrant are not aware of the Dominion at this point, so they're not being intentionally aggressive, but they are being a little naive in not analyzing the political landscape of their new unexplored frontier. Now Season 2. At this point the name "Dominion" is being repeated by alien species the Federation encounters. By episode 6 of the season the fucking Grand Nagus has discerned that there is a powerful political entity in the Gamma Quadrant, yet Star Fleet is still shrugging their shoulders even when a race of refugees fly through the wormhole and mention that their former overlords were conquered by "The Dominion". At this point Starfleet is sending shit tons of ships through the wormhole and even the Bajorans are forming permanent colonies in the Gamma Quadrant. Now, whether it's fair or not, The Dominion believes that the whole area around the Wormhole is part of their territory and at this point a bunch of aliens have been showing up and putting down roots. So now lets get the first real encounter with the Dominion. The Season 2 finale "The Jem'hadar". The Jem'hadar ambush Sisko (and Quark) on a random Gamma Quadrant planet and lock him up, meanwhile they apparently attack and wipe out the Bajoran colony, then they proceed to fly a ship through the wormhole and with mighty big-dick-energy beam onto Ops to calmly tell the Federation to "STOP COMING THROUGH THE WORMHOLE". Sisko also has a conversation with one of his jailers who also says, "YOU ARE VIOLATING DOMINION SPACE AND WE WILL NOT TOLERATE IT ANYMORE!" Ok, so they came at this like huge assholes, but The Dominion most likely wanted to scare the shit out of the Federation by showing overwhelming military power while delivering a very explicit message (we also learn that they always intended to let Sisko escape so that he would carry the message, and the Vorta spy, back home). So another civilization just showed up and said, "Plz stop coming into our space.", so what does Starfleet do? They send a fucking Galaxy class starship right into the Gamma Quadrant. Again, the Dominion responds with overwhelming military force, but then LETS THE RUNABOUTS retreat. At this point the Dominion has not indicated that they give a shit about the Alpha Quadrant. Season 3. Jesus Christ, Starfleet makes buddies with the Romulans and builds a goddamn cloaking warship for the sole purpose of flying deep into Dominion territory to find the goddamn Founders. What the fuck guys?! So they learn that the Founder are a species that is deeply distrustful and fearful of other aliens and that The Dominion is a giant wall of violence to protect them. Ok, good thing The Founders have nothing to worry about in the Alpha Quadrant....then the Obsidian Order and the Tal Shiar decide to build a fleet, fly it into the Gamma Quadrant for the sole purpose of killing all the Founders, and a fucking Starfleet admiral jokes about wishing them luck. This Season ends with that Changeling on the Defiant getting killed by Odo. Season 4. This season involves the completely reasonable intelligence ops the Dominions carries out on the Alpha powers. They trick the Klingons into going to war against the Cardassians, and cause all that ruckus on Earth. The season ends with them further fucking with Starfleet by convincing Odo that Gowron is a Changeling. These moves are aggressive, but the Alpha powers at this point have demonstrated that they are aggressive towards the Changeling, and basically every major power on modern Earth engages in this kind of spycraft without it being an act of war. Season 5. Episode fucking 2 Sisko and his team are fucking around in the Gamma Quadrant when a Jem’hadar ship crashes on the planet. Is Starfleet at war with the Dominion? Nope. So why the fuck are they on the wrong side of the wormhole when another civilization has told them that it violates their space? Okay, so Sisko lays claim to this ship and a Vorta shows up and says, “Yo, that’s ours, give it back.” and Sisko is like, “Nope, mine now!” despite the fact that it crash landed IN THE GAMMA QUADRANT, which is DOMINION SPACE! In any case, a changeling dies because of this and Sisko is all like, “Why didn’t you trust us enough to tell us about the Changeling” and the Vorta is just like “WTF is wrong with these humans.” Season 5 is when the war starts though, so let's go into detail on exactly HOW this war started. The Dominion finally flies ships through the wormhole, to attack?! Nope! The ships turn towards Caradassia because Gul Dukat, as a duly recognized representative of the civilian government of Cardassia, has negotiated a treaty where the Dominion recognizes Cardassian territory as a protectorate, and thus it is completely legally sending ships through the (neutral space) wormhole to protect it’s new ally. And Cardassia has a completely valid reason to do this, they are being stymied by the Maquis and are getting their shit kicked in by the Klingons. The Dominion solves these problems for them quite readily. So here is the thing. The Dominion keeps sending ships through the wormhole, but they never ATTACK the Federation. The Federation literally forces a war when they MINE THE FUCKING WORMHOLE. Remember, the wormhole is supposed to be neutral space. Starfleet has sure been acting like they can fly through it whenever they want, so why can’t the Dominion? So they mine the wormhole and shots finally get fired...rest of the series follows. TL;DR: Starfleet antagonizes and ignores the many diplomatic/military threats of the Dominion, forcing the Dominion to finally start a shooting war just to open up their supply lines back to their home territory.

- user “Anonymous Zebra” (who is not me)

BakuSquad In Jail

I saw these pics randomly and talking with my friend, @thatweirdfrenchcanadian​ , we came up with some funny HCs for the BakuSquad and the reason they got in jail.

I have no idea who the artists are, I’ve been having the pics in my phone for a while, but if anyone knows the artist, please let me know so I can tag them appropriately!

Beginning: 

They were at a party, just the 5 of them, and they were happy for getting into Pro-Hero agencies, and now they weren’t side kicks anymore, so of course, they had to celebrate accordingly!

A huge party where they all let loose and have fun without anyone judging!

What none of them were expecting was to get shit faced drunk and do lots of weird shit, enough to somehow get into jail for whatever reason.

Kaminari Denki:

Baby Pikachu got so drunk that he made Momo make a Pikachu onesie for him, on the spot, along with a Naruto headband, and made Mina do some lines on his face, to resemble Naruto, then went out to the nearest monument and threw paint at it.

If they were human statues, he’d draw lightnings on their foreheads and write “VOLDEMORT WAS HERE” on their torsos.

If they were animals, he will paint them in weird colours.

And if they were some new art, he’d just throw random paint and say “IT’S MODERN ART, YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND, NORMIE!”

If that wasn’t enough, he stole a shopping cart and made Kirishima push him in it down the street.

Street that was actually a slope made by Todoroki in an attempt to ice skate and show off.

Unfortunately, Kirishima got distracted by a pigeon and started running after it to become the new Snow White, and Denki kept going down the ice slope, shrieking in the cart, thinking he was in a roller coaster.

When the policeman got him, he started giggling, saying he’s not drunk, just super LIT, FAM, and started doing a super fast triple dab.

Triple dab that he ended up slamming his arm into his head so hard that he knocked himself out and he was out like a light.

Bakugou Katsuki:

You can’t blame a guy who goes to sleep earlier than 9pm and barely drinks alcohol, so he can have a perfect hero-training schedule that he got drunk from very few shots of vodka and now he was feeling light like a feather and wants to entertain people...

More or less because their awes and gasps of wonder boost his ego so much that he wants to show off his explosions.

Katsuki starts doing random explosions around the house, then, when people tell him to do flashier tricks, he goes out and pulls lots of different typed of explosions, flashier, with more light, with more heat, with more colour, with more sound and whatever else the audience wanted.

When the cops came, they wanted to charge him for illegal use of fireworks, which sent Bakugou into a blind frenzy since NOBODY CALLS HIS EXPLOSIONS MERE, LAME FIREWORKS, OKAY?!

He started roaring and growling at the policeman, showing him that he can do EXPLOSIONS not some stupidly lame fireworks, which only ends up with lots of curses, fighting, and it takes a lot of new policeman to get him an elephant tranquillizer to make him stop.

Of course, they needed special restraints for him, since he’s so violent, but that wasn’t a problem, and Bakugou was used to these restraints, since he was forced to wear them twice before.

SERO HANTA

Poor Sero was mostly innocent, and he is pretty used to light drinking and these types of parties, but he really wanted to let loose this time around, so he started playing beer pong, never have I ever with vodka and tequila shots, and many other drinking games that made him SO happy in his drunken state.

As well as that, he had some weed joints that he really wanted to smoke...

And some LSD, because what could be better than trippin’ at a party when you’re so happy?

Always time for first times!

He used his tape to get into a spiderman position, hanging down from the ceiling after getting the LSD and started smoking some joints, letting the euphoria take effect on him.

Hanta started grinning and giggling, swaying back and forth with that tape, until someone, that he still has no idea, even to this moment (Definitely Denki) dared him to play Tarzan out in the city, so he started jumping from building to building, yelling incoherently that he is the KING OF THE URBAN JUNGLE...Or something like that, it was mostly unintelligible.

When he got arrested, he got into a spiderman position again and winked at the policeman, asking if he wanted to be his Mary Jane.

Then passed out and fell on the ground...For some reason, giggling in that unconscious state.

Ashido Mina

Mina was drinking cocktails, martinis and tequilas with each costume she would do for the catwalk she created in the house, each time, flashier and more ridiculous outfits, but hey, they were fun, and for some reason, most of them had holes...From accidental acid drips.

She MAY also be on acid anyway, who knows...Mina says her name is symbolic for more than her Quirk...

She got dared to recreate some iconic make ups from James Charles and mid-way to her look, she realised she didn’t have everything she needed, so she went to the closest shop and raided the make up isle, trying out each and every one of the products there, using her selfie camera as a mirror and trying to do her best.

The shop assistants were horrified at the girls behaviour, but her only answer was “Hi, I’m the Alien Queen, wanna be my Predator?”

When the cop car came over, and the lights started going red and blue, she thought she was being photographer by the paparazzi, so she brought a random pair of sunglasses, with the tag in the middle of her face, and put her fluffy boa around her shoulders.

And started posing.

She didn’t have perfect balance for most of the posings, but she tried her best to mimic all those cool fashion pics she saw in magazines.

At the end, she asked the cop if he wanted an autograph, and when he refused, she giggled, took out her eyeliner and wrote on his forehead ALIEN QUEEN XOXO

Kirishima Eijirou

Kiri was the most innocent in all of this, and he shouldn’t have been arrested in the first place, but he wanted to be where he best friends are, so that’s just that.

Well, he was convinced by the rest of the BakuSquad that it’s MANLY to drink, so he had a drinking contest with TetsuTetsu, that ended up with both of them under the table pretty fast.

The bet of this contest was that whoever was the first to wake up would win, and since TetsuTetsu won, Kiri had to take the water gun that Tsuyu brought and pretend to play CS:Go in the nearest store.

Of course, he did just that, but he was completely oblivious to the fact that Tokoyami wrapped his bandana to his face, instead of his forehead, to look like a funny western cowboy or whatever, and when he got in the store, all not-so-stealthily, the shop assistants hit the alarm and called the cops for having a robber.

With all that loud noise, he started squirting water everywhere, shrieking and saying WATER IN THE HOLE, THROW THE GRENADE, TAKE COVER, HIT SPACE, AHHHHHH!

Needless to say, the assistants and customers were more confused than scared.

When the cop came over, he blinked at him confused, saying that he can’t get in jail, since he’s a shark, and then shoot water in the cop’s face.

Oops?

The end:

When they all woke up, Mina was the first to realise what happened, due to her phone buzzing like crazy to her Snapchat stories, and only then she realised what happened...At least to her.

Then, her jailer told her how she got there, and she could only laugh at how bad she was in only a few hours of the night.

Of course, Yaomomo was graceful enough to bail them out of there, was the caution was nothing more than a breeze and they didn’t actually do anything too bad to actually keep them there anyway.

All that, while Midoriya was bawling his eyes out like a waterfall to some random jailer, telling them how amazingly kind hearted and nice heroes they are, and that they did a mistake, and it won’t happen again...

Blah Blah Blah.

He didn’t even realise how Mina walked out of her cell and sprinted to the boys’ cell, where she stood on the ground, telling them what Jirou, Tsuyu and Tokoyami told them happened that night and how they all ended up there.

Of course, it was all in good fun, despite the fact that they were sure Aizawa was going to hunt them down and kill them for the idiocy they did...

But they aren’t called the 1-Braincell Squad for no reason, right?!

To commemorate such a weirdass experience, Mina took the picture with her phone, telling them all to look natural, so they did as told.

Except Bakugou, who was beyond pissed off at what happened and kept grumbling something about stupid fireworks.

They were SO doing this shit again.

New X-Men Xtrospective Part 2: Germ Free Generation (Annual, #117-120)

Hello all you happy mutants! And welcome back to my look one of my faviorite runs of one of my faviorite super teams by one of my faviorite comic book writers!

For those of you just joining us.. it’s been a while. I did the first instalment of this retrospective back in early January as a present to my friend for christmas, as he had never read E is for Extinctoin and what with this run being vital to the current, utterly brilliant Krakoa era of X-Men. But with both Black History Month and Valentine’s day, February had no real room for this one and march ended up being just as crammed with me doing essentially the entire della arc of ducktales in one month. I didn’t mean for this retrospective to get pushed so far back, but since I gave up doing weekly coverage of Final Space I had some room on the schedule so this retrospective is back with a vengance with two entries this month and hopefully at least one a month afterword to keep it at a decent clip. 

Last time I covered the background of this run and didn’t really find much for the issues after, so I won’t have to spend as much time on background. 

So since i’ts been a few months, a refresher is probably in order

PREVIOUSLY, ON X-MEN:  Our merry mutants enterted a marvelous new era. As Charles redidciated to the dream with new equipment and a new uniforms our hero encounter a new villian: The Mysterious Cassandra Nova, a powerful telepath who used an uwitting patsy from the trask family and a defucnt sentinel factory to slaughter the mutant nation of Genosha, killing 16 million mutants in the most horrific act of genocide against mutants ever known. And the fact there has been more than one genocide against mutant kind MIGHT, just MIGHT be the reason they blackmailed for peace with life saving drugs instead of helping willingly and freely in the current comics. Just maybe. 

Cassandra was captured by the X-Men soon after but escaped and nearly got a hold of Cerebra only to be stopped thanks to a combination of former enemy, genoshan resident at the time of the genocide, and that bitch Emma Frost who snapped her neck and Charles himself who uncharacteristically shot Cassandra in the head. That night Charles took a bold step over that would change the X-Men forever and told the world on live tv:

While all of this was going on we got caught up on the team’s personal struggles, currently consisting of Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast and Wolverine with Emma joining as of the issue we’re about to cover. Beast is grappling with a secondary mutation that makes him look like Aslan, the jesus of narnia and all lions. Meanwhile Scott and Jean are grappling with their non existant sex life as Cyclops possesion by Apocalypse shortly before this story has severely rattled him and caused him to close himself off emotionally. 

So that’s where we pick up. Our heroes are now no longer hiden saftely in the shadows from a world that hates and fear them but are out front and center with the world watching. And we’ll see both how that helps their cause and how it puts them directly in the cross hairs under the cut.  Content Warning: This review discusses Transphobia and a scene involving a school shooting. If either of these are a trigger for you or something you do not want to read about  please skip this part of the retrospective for your own well being. Thank you and have a lovely day. 

The Man From Room X:

We have three stories today: an annual that introduces our final team member and the main villians of our next arc, a one off that moves the main plot for the first 12 issues along, and a three part arc about said villains.  Before we get into the Annual, I have to talk about it’s weird gimmick: The issue is entirely sideways. I don’t mean it’s bad though some parts are problematic I mean when bought it’d be on it’s side and in my trade I have to flip the whole thing over on it’s side to read it. It’s just a .. weird choice. Not the weirdest thing about this issue somehow but not unexpected from Grant as they like to play with the formula. 

We open in said Room X, a location in China where a mutant named Xorn is kept and showed off to a mysterious group of dickweeds in suits representing “Mr. Sublime”.  His jailer, General Aao Jun,, shows him off as most bad guys would : By undoing his helmet and thus disntegrating two innocent children just by looking at them. Sublime says they have a deal. 

Meanwhile also in China the X-Men are there for a funeral and Emma and Scott trade insulting questions back in forth: She mocks him about his lack of sex with Jean lately and he brings up her criminal past. As for why Emma’s still with the x-men.. it’s out of pragmatisim. WIth Genosha gone, the x-men are the saftest faction to throw in with. 

As for why the X-Men are in China, Charles has rapidly expanded his operations now he’s public by setting up X-Corps, a multinational humantarian aid organization dedicated to helping mutants in need wherever they sprout up. He’s set up offices in Hong Kong, Amsterdam, Mumbai and Melborne. 

He’s also half assed it, at least for the Hong Kong office and only gave them two employees: Domino, who those of you not as familiar with the comics may remember from deadpool and Risque.. who I honestly had never heard of before New X-Men and frequently forget existed. I just looked her up for the first time and she’s a minor mutant who was an associate of X-Force and Warpath’s love intrest. She could compress matter causing it to implode. My assumption here is that Morrison simply picked a minor mutant at random for the job. 

But yeah naturally with only two mutants charged with, according to domino “All of asia” went horribly and the x-men are there for Risque’s funeral and to find out what happened. Unsuprisingly it’s tied into our cold open: Risque had found evidence of a mutant trafficking operation and died fighting them off and Dom is naturally f eeling in over her head since said operation involves the chinese goverment, who according to her exccute most mutants at birth and John Sublime and his cult. 

We soon see a press confrence from this asshole and find out what his deal is: Sublime is the head of the U-Men, a group that belivies they are a “third species” of mutants trapped in human bodies that deserve to have the surgery to make them into mutants, and thus wear weird suits until the world is pure and allows them to have surgery for it. 

Yeahhhh this.. this is really fucking uncomfortable and is going to be present throughout today’s piece so let’s just go ahead and rip that band-aid off:  The U-Men come off as HIGHLY transphobic. They use terms similar to trans people call themselves trans species and are trapped inside a body they don’t belong in. It’s VERY uncomfortable to read as a result and something that hadn’t really sunk into till thsi reading but once it had.. oh god does this not age well. 

The one thing that keeps this from runing the run and Grant Morrison as a whole for me.. is that I do not think for one second it was intentional. Grant themself is genderqueer, nonbinary and a cross dresser. None of this means they CAN’T be prejudice, being Queer does not magically make you immune to being prejudiced. But before this Grant had the genderqueer sentient street Danny the Street over in doom patrol and a trans main character in his book the invisibles, Lord Fanny. And given New X-Men’s biggest flaw as a whole is clumsy early 2000′s unforutnate implications such as a good chunk of the things about Cyclops affair with Emma, we’ll get to that at the right time, Angel in the next arc and Dust, who was introduced as from afganastan wearing an outfit not seen in the country and speaking a language not spoken in the country. Grant didn’t make these mistakes TWICE, it’s why I still have respect for them, and this won’t be the first or last comic i’ve forgiven for being stupid for it’s time. But I will still call Grant out when I see it. Just because I respect an author just because they changed my life does not mean I won’t call them out when they fuck up. And if they prove to be truly vile, have harmed someone or what have you I will cut them the fuck out of my life. I’ve done it with JK Rowling, Warren Ellis, Brad Jones and Joss Whedon. I would do it with Grant if I truly belivied they were transphobic and instead didn’t just write something very stupid without thinking the metaphor through 20 years ago. 

So anyway back to the comic book bollocks as Wolvie and Dominio prepare for an infiltration and flirt a bunch. We also find out Jun is a mutant himself with a power only Grant could dream up: his skin, hair and what have you that falls off him turns into a naked golem for a bit before expiring. And if you hadn’t read this issue before reading this review, yes that actually happened. While the first arc had a BIT of Grant’s trademark batshit insanity, the series REALLY starts to pick it up from here: This issue has a mutant with functioning star for a head, a poorly thought out bucnh of sci fi new age organ theives, and a general whose power is “makes naked clones out of his dandruff”. Oh and his fondest wish?

I just... I don’t know how to respond to that. I don’t know how you respond to an old man’s weird murder fetish that he tells a somehow even creepier cult leader while said cult leader is paying him to buy a star man, and their both surronded by the creepy old guy’s skin golems that weirdly look like mudokons. Look i’ve  read Grant’s entire utterly bonkers run on doom patrol. I’ve seen a man who looks like a question mark use a bicycle that makes everyone high like their on LSD for president. And THIS is what breaks me. 

So while.. THIS is going on, Dom and Wolverine plan to do it all night long on the professor’s credit card, no really he gives all his professors carte blanch to use school fun, and inflitrate, Dom through the elvator this horrorshow just took place in and Wolvie james bond style. Also I gotta say I REALLY love how Morrison writes Domino. She’s wittiy, entertaining and her power is as awesome as always, super luck if you didn’t know. It’s a real shame he didn’t add her to the team: She wasn’t on any other x-teams, with X-Force having been rebranded into X-Statix by this point. She would’ve been a fun addition to the cast. 

Naturally wolverine is found out.. but that was the entire plan, for him to serve as a distraction then cut his way to domino while she steals something from the vault. As for the rest of the X-Men, Cyclops, Beast and Emma are all downstairs in the parking garage and find a secret entrance. Jean is not on this trip and that’s a major plot point for this run. This is where Risque died.. and it only get’s worse when Hank goes inside, finding a bug like child, basically htink a giant caterpillar but with tons of human arms inttead of legs with her wings cut off. 

Thankfully as Logan and Dom escape above, the U-Men are dumb enough to storm down bellow.. and while they incapacitate beast with some launched tiny knives, designed to incapcicate but leave them in tact for harvest, Emma beats the shit out of them and get the info out as only she can....

Granted she could’ve just turned back to normal and used her telepathy.. but what fun would that be? Plus they have blockers and you know CUT UP A FUCKING CHILD. SO yeah fuck them, let emma have her fun. 

Thanks to her they find out the U-Men are a front for illegal organ harvest, and while they can’t prove sublimes attached Emma suggests killing him.  Good idea but Scott suggests the lighter approach and we find out what Dom stole, a key, something Emma can psychcially scan. She warns it might take her a bit to get something.. only to be flooded instantly and we find out who the man in the box was. Shen Xorn... i’ll let emma tell you more herself. 

It’s stuff like this why, despite some serious flaws like the U-Men debacle and some stuff to come, some I mentioned above other that’s just with the plot that i love this run. Morrison just gets how to really tell an x-men story and the real tragedy of being a mutant. That just for being diffrent, you get shut out, or in this case thrown into a box when you could’ve and should’ve been something more. As emma turns herself to diamond to deal with the psychic backlash, Beast has some solemn words to share. 

That night Scott rests in his bedroom while presumibly hearing some truly horrific and sexy things next door while talking to jean before clocking out.. only for Emma to head in in a sexy dress with champagne. What happened? Well we won’t know for sure for most of the run. 

The next day the U-Men prepare to load and we get some scrap of what the idea was supposed to be: John talks to Ao Jun about his procedures. We see wings crudely sewen to his back and his throat implaants hurting “But one day I will fly”. THe IDEA is their supposed to be lunatics, people who envy mutantkind but don’t actually respect their culture or their sense of personhood. It’s not the worst idea and had Grant not used trans termnology for htis, it would’ve been a great one. I think he INTENDED for them to be coopting the idea of being trans and what not to maks their true intentions.. which is problematic due to debates like the ones on bathrooms where a lot of transphobic asshats make the bad faith argument a bunch of people are going to pretend to be trans to assault people. 

We’re.. we;’re not even to the main storyarc yet. 

But things soon go wrong as Xorn’s starhead starts to collapse into a black hole, with no solution as the x-men took the key to his helmet.. and assault the compound. Turns out the star collapse thing is Jun’s revenge on humanity for lockig him down here and he gets his neck snapped.  Scott has a solution though.. and it’s stuff like this why I fucking love Scott Summers and get annoyed when people call him “boring”: He realizes Xorn is comitting sucicide.. so he’s going to talk him out of it. Not just for everyone else but he deserves to live. And while Emma points out only logan among htem knows chinese and she can’t get through to Xorns’ head due to the way his brain works, Scott has a simple workaround: Use the nearest chineses speaker to teach Scott chinese. So.. with that he talks to Xorn. 

And that my friend is Scott Summers. A man who faced with powerful man whose given up, whose lost all hope... convinces him he can still go on. That living’s better than dying.. and that it does get better. The issue closes with Xorn basking in the sunlight for the first time in decades while Domino sweats having an extremley powerful unknown mutant out in the world. Scott’s already thought of that.. and signed him up with the x-men. Granted it won’t be until our next article that he actually fully joins the team, but w’ell get to that next time. 

This issue is great... while the U-Men stuff is pretty bad and isn’t going to get better, the tale of xorn is excitiong, Aao Jun is an intresting antagonist and the sideways gimmick suprisingly works. So now we’ve finshed our apitizer let’s get on to the main course. 

Danger Rooms:

We open in well.. the Danger Room with Beast training a new student. 

This is Beak. Beak is my faviorite character Morrison came up with and one of my faviorite X-Characters. Beak is a bird like boy who can fly, it’s just a struggle and due to looking diffrent and not having the most impressive power has very low self esteem. It’s also part of something Morrison took a concerted effort to do: introduce more mutants with genuinely odd apperances and drawbacks. Like we saw with Ugly John last time and Aao Jun in the previous issue, Morriosn really likes adding weird mutants but he also uses it to give a genuine downside to being one. While this isn’t NEW to x-men, Morriosn upped the scale and number of characters like this with weird powers and apperances. We see a bunch of human passing ones too but the backgrounds just jammed with all sorts of unique designs and students. It’s also the point where the school became far more crowded like the movies, a good call on my part both to help those coming in from the movies, and to help sell the mutant baby boom going on. After all it wouldn’t make sense if the school was just about 5-7 students and a bunch of grown adults doing superhero stuff like usual would it.

But we get to see that Hank is a good teacher, as he reminds the boy that he’s getting better and won’t be an x-man overnight, and worries about him to the professor, wanting the boy not to slip through the cracks, figuratively, and not to feel like an outcast.. especaily here. But Hank dosen’t feel blue for long, metaphorically he was blue long before he became the lion minus the witch and the wardrobe, as he has a date to night.. and so does Charles. 

Or rather he did.. his girlfriend trish, a long time love intrest of his and a reporter.. breaks up with him. Over voice mail. While in washington. And the reasons she gives are not great

Yes Hank’s transformation is radical.. but not only was it not his choice... she’s being a coward, sending the message it’s okay to dump someone because hteir a mutant or because they happen tobe diffrent and that efffects your career. Again it’s moments like this that make the run soar over the more awkward bits. 

Meanwhile Logan’s off doing logan stuff, i.e. gazing at a deer. Wow. Jean followed him. Both notice a space ship: Despite recently outing himself as a mutant, leading to an increased number of students and a bunch of rioting morons at the gates, Charles has decided NOW’S a good time to take a vacation to the Shiar empire. As for why Jean’s really out here, her marriage to Scott isn’t doing so good and while Logan encourages her to stay it’s just not that simple: Her telekenisis is coming back, stronger than ever. She feels the most alive she’s been while he’s shutting her out and feeling his deadest. She tries to turn to logan for comfort but he shuts her down. Just wait two decades jean... he’ll open up to a threesome. In all seriousness though having Jean try and come onto Logan .. will backfire slightly on later storylines. But we’ll get to that eventually. 

In the basement Hank is studying Cassandra or rather a virtual version of her since her body is naturally in storage. And he’s found out something disturbing: She’s Charles Genetic Twin.. oh and it gets way worse. The Professor’s weird behavior? Barely staffing the hong kong office, leaving suddenly with rioters t the gates, outing himself? About that...

Cassandra tourtures Hank with the possiblity he’s devovling and then tries to mind controlli him into cleaning himself with his diploma when Beak enters. The good news is this allows hank to shake off her control and tackle her, showing off why hank mccoy is fucking awesome in the process. 

That is the Hank McCoy I know, love.. and miss dearly. The one we’ll probably never get back sadly after what others did and what Percy’s had to do to reconclie with all they did. 

Unfortunately beak being around means cassandra can force him to beat beast into a coma with his bat. She plans to tear Charles dream down around him and make him watch.. and cryptically says he tried to kill her. She then cheerfully leaves Jean in charge.. and talks about just how much damage one could do with an entire interstellar empire in the wrong hands....

This issue is also excellent and sets up the next two arcs nicely while giving us a nice peak in hank’s head. Great stuff. The artist also hid the word sex in a lot of the images see if you can find them. 

Germ Free Generation Issue 1: 

So now we get into our main story for today. This story and the one before it were drawn by Ethan Van Sciver whose a talented artist.. but also highly contrversial for being a conservative. I myself.. don’t know what he’s said or did, though calling himself “Canceld Superstar’ on twitter really isn’t a good sign. So I really can’t comment on it but I also know someone would mention it if I didn’t bring it up and if you know what he did please enlighten me. 

So we open with a school shooter who also scooped out a guys eyes and is part of the U-Men. He get shot by the swat team while making his speech> it’s an effective opening but one that’s become more uncomfortable to read with each passing day due to school shootings going up and up in number. And mass shootings in general and I... I need a second. I need something to relax me

Thank you Stoopy. Your doing Odd’s Work. 

So the news reports on this and we soon see how Jean watches the news.. by using Cerebra to read the minds of every person on the planet. Neat. Everyone’s talking about them. We also get a hint for later as we hear on the suicide of one martha johanson who wrote the note in her own blood. She’ll be important later.... and I mean that both in the context of this retrospective and for the fact she’ll go on to be part of x-men in perpetuity. 

This is also where another great concept of Morrison’s pops up: Mutant culture. After all mutants are a minority, they should have their own culture. It’s something Hickman’s era has taken and ran with, but it’s a damn good idea and one that it shoudln’t of taken almost 20 years for someone else to use given Decimation was undone way back around 2012 in Avengers Vs X-Men, aka that event half hte articles on the mcu around the fox sale used as either their image for the article or asked about happneing. And yes that is a pet peeve of mine: while I do think like Civil War AVX could use a movie version to make it better, I don’t think it’s an event that could be done right away and would have to be almost entirely redone anyway given the context for AvX is entirely couched in decimation i.e. something NO ONE wants in any x-adaptation. 

So it turns out while watching the news in a next level way Jean is also talking to Logan. “Stay out of my personal fantasies”. Yeah I .. I don’t think your ready for a hairy canadian dry humping a transformer.. specifically killbison. And yes.. that is an actual transformer and why yes, I have been waiting to bring him up. 

And he is , and I am not making any of this up, part of a group of decpticons known as the breastforce. Your life is better for knowing that and you are welcome. 

Anyway as you’d imagine a genocidal old woman in her brothers’ body leaving the X-Men to fend for themselves after having a teenager bludgeon one into a coma after publicly outing them with a rabid bunch of bigoted morons at the gates has not gone great. Henry is still out and despite the short staffing Jean needs logan to stay where he is as he’s close to an emerging mutant and within range to go get her. 

Emma of course has never been so fucking irate in her whole life and is plotting various forms of psychic tourture with the help of her proteges the Stepford Cucokoo, 5 teenage mutants who functoin best as a unit and are easily some of MOrrison’s most prominent additions to the x-cast. Unlike a lot of the x-kids, they’ve been featured prominently in every era of x-men after this including the current one. 

Jean decides for a less “Make them hate us even more” approach, but no less pissed off, opening the gates and going out directly to chew out the assembled bigoted morons, pointing out the ones carrying “Mutants Go Home!” signs are especailly dumb as this IS her home. And while she dosen’t point this part out, it’ the same for all of them: most of the mutants are either adults who choose to live here, teenagers who along with their parents choose to live here, or in the majority teens who have no where else to go due to either being abandoned by their families or it being way to dangerous for said families for them to stay due to bigoted assholes like the ones holding mutants go home signs. 

A member of the press asks if she’s willing to talk to the media and she refutes most of his bullshit allegations: He asks if their building an army, she and Scott respond they are not and are simply educating mutants and protecting them. When he counters with the fact their living weapons and wearing uniforms... she counters with the fact she’s wearing them to protect herself, rightfully, from people like her, and the x-men are an aid orginzation going where needed to protect the world and while asshole points out no one apointed them.. jean shuts him down by pointing out there are no mutants in goverment and a genocide just happened, so someone has to do the job. Another random asshole tries to pipe up with “Genosha declared war on us” and Emma senses this is just going to go round and round and round and simply presses the assembled mob’s “bliss buttons” in their brains to knock them out. Non violent but honestly warranted: A dangerous part of bigoted assholes is they’l bring up racist bullshit to try and couch it like an actual conversation. None of these complaints really hold water if you looked at the x-men’s history for more than 5 minutes. Yes Charles is training them to fight and yes hte ingial class was an army but every class since has only been trained for self defense: they still got into adventures and what not, but it was usually by their own choice or because they were thrust into them by circumstance. Xaviers is exactly what jean said and endudgling these morons, while good on paper, only makes them seem legit. 

Jean retreats to the infirmary where she’s on the verge of breaking down from the sheer weight of everything. Cyclops proves that despite not being the best husband right now... he still loves his wife, offering to go look into Sublime with Emma and hoping Hank wakes up. Turns out his mind for now is a big blank room.

So she can’t get any info off his skull, and neither of the two think what happened with Beak adds up. Something is up here. Their also coming down with colds which will be important later. And just as important.. Magneto is becoming a symbol among people and merch sales with his image are on the rise.  We then get this. 

So Jean is trying to be a supportive, honest wife, and while the questions incredibly insulting.. his answer is equally so. Spoilers, as mentioned we do get an answer long after this.. and they did not. So Jean is wrong to be suspcious, at this point, but is at least trying to be polite about it and gave him the benifit of the doubt.. and Scott basically said he slept with her without actually saying it despite not having to. You could’ve said “no we did not have sex, we simply talked all night”. It’s not ENTIRELY better given the horrible state of their relationship right now, but it’s still better than HEAVILY implying he rocked her body to the break of dawn for no damn reason. 

So we meet our next major addition to the cast Angel Salvador, an abused teen who is a mutant.. and whose abusive and molesting step dad beats her and throws her out over this. The scene’s a bit overdone, coming off like an after school special.. but it’s what happens AFTER that’s truly heartwrenching. 

A poor scared teenager clutching herself, finding herself homeless alone and desperatly wishing she wasn’t what she was. It’s just a striking image and shows how well Grant uses the mutant metaphor. I could easily see myself in that position had my parents not been good peopl and had I come out far sooner as bi. The idea of desperatly hoping your not what you are simply becaus eof what hell it brings, despite all the joy it can bring too. . it’s heartbreaking to hear. 

Naturally though things don’t get much better as the next morning the U-Men have found her, calling her a freak and successfully kidnapping her.. if only because while she uses acid spit to escape, she flies into a power line. 

We then get Sublimes meeting with Emma and Scott and a BETTER use of teh u-men as while Grant made the horrible mistake of calling them “transpecies”, seriously what the fuck were you thinking, the way sublime frames it here is a MUCH better, much less accidently bigoted concept. 

The idea isn’t bad: A group of humans jealous of the mutants powers, blatantly ignoring the horrible downsides and mountain of persecution that comes with being one. Grant just made the mistake of couching in in Trans metaphors, clearly trying to have the U-Men steal from Trans People too as a way to make themselves seem legit. And I say if you want superpowers.. fine.. wanting to be a superhero or a mutant is fine, the issue with the U-Men is their copoting a culture, trying to be part of mutantkind without having any of the drawbacks and by actively butchering them. It’s why the concept HAS shown up elsewhere; it’s not TERRIBLE, Grant just made a bad creative choice that’s only gotten worse as Transphobia has ramped up further and further. 

Sublime denies it when our heroes bring up Hong Kong.. but naturally he’s simply just keeping them talking long enough to bring out his trump cards, an army of u-men and a brain in a jar he uses to incapacitate them.. and announces his plan to use the school as an organ farm for his third species. 

Meanwhile Logan finds the U-Men in their truck preparing to rip angel apart.. and given he snikit’s soon after.. i’ts very clear whose REALLY about to get ripped apart. 

Germ Free Generation Part 2: 

Part two begins wth Sublime monologoging about how Mutantkind are just cattle to them and reveals the brain is martha’s, her sucicide having been faked and her brain currently being controlled to use as a weapon. 

So while Johnny monlogues we find out what happened with Wolverine last issue he didn’t cut up the guys yet as they fired their little flichete guns at him... it was about as useful and effective as you’d expect and the massacre you were expecting occurs. Though in a nice bit of reality the fact wolverine’s soaked in blood and just killed a bunch of blood shockingly does not make the already frighttend teen feel he’s safe and she spits acid on him. Logan pours some stuff on the acid, figuring rightly a black ops murder farmacy would have something to counteract it and tells her she’s safe now .. and tells the guy behind him not to try it. He’s stupid and does anyway and likely gets a claw to the head off panel. 

They go to a diner to eat and find a local asshole who threatens them with a shot gun to leave once angel uses her power to digest and goes on a rant about how he snapped his own son’s neck to prevent him being born a freak. Just.. fucking hell this arc is not good for my depression. We get some more angst from Angel and whiel her dialouge is not the best, i’ts a too bit mark millar flavored edgelordy for my taste and if I wanted that i’d go read Ultimates or Ultimate X-Me, her pain is real and Logan helps her through it. 

Back at the Mansion the U-Men are on their way to strike, whlie Jean unaware continues to buckle under the weight of all the shit she’s had to deal with, feeling SOMETHING is making them weak with the colds and something worse is going on and thus tries going to Beak’s mind instead and gently helps talk him through it, showing her grace and empathy.. and in return finding out Charles was the one responsible. The alarms flair up and Jean tries calling the police now that’s an option.. but it goes exactly how you’d expect. 

Also a second artist took over for this issue and the next Igor Kordey. He’s fine, but not nearly as good as Quitely or Van Sciver and it shows. Meanwhile Beast awakens and heads for the body drawer with Cassandra’s body, and professor’s mind in it. 

However Jean’s finally had enough and got her second wind. She’s outgunned, outmanned and left to her own devices. And she’s fucking fed up with it. She steels herself and assembles the students. This is obviously a last resort.. but some of them can defend themselves and their going to need to. But today they won’t be learning.. they’ll be teaching and as the U-Men call them defensless Jeans simply asks “Are you sure about that?”

Germ Free Generation Part 3:

So we come to the finale of this arc. Angel is once again an ungreatful brat to logan and he opts to just leave her there if sh’es going to be like that pointing out being a mutant sucks, it’s going to keep sucking.. and she needs to deal with it instead of lashing out at him and herself over it. 

We get back to the U-Men, one of whom is utterly flabergasted they want to him to cut of Cyclops head... only for Emma to awaken.. and take back her regular form meaning she has her telepathy back. The only reason they were able to get her ealier is she was in diamond mode which is stronger but lacks that, a nice way to check and ballance her new powers. She quickly takes them out and disables Martha. 

Back at the school we get one of Jean’s definting moments for me and a true chance to show how badass she can be. Before this while Morrison wrote her well, and his version’s still my favoirite, she didn’t really get to do much and was motly in the background. This arc has been her time in the limelight, having trouble grappling with all the stress of running this place by herself.. and emerging from it stronger, more capable and ready to kick some racist weirdo ass. She tries a few diffrent tactics first, having a mutant with a voice power project it to make them think their san invisible army and having the cuckoos fuck with their heads but when both fail, Jean REALLY gets to show off. Thier blade ammo gets turned into a cool looking 3 dimensioinal shape with her telekneisis, and in a cool moment and a wise use of something gross makes the only one of them with useable powers throw up, before issuing a badass boast, wreathed in flames all while she crumples their guns into uselessness. and tears open their suits. 

Bad ass.. and logan and Angel arrive just in time for the cecendo as hte u-men flee in terror

The Phoenix has been Reborn. Jean Grey has risen from the ashes and returned to full power. 

Meanwhile Sublime is pankcing.. and it gets worse when Emma shows up, fully enraged after all of this and has some words for him. 

Iconic. Emma prepares to drop him out of a building but Scott rightly tries to get her to back off, pointing out the pr nightmare it’d create and the fact that they have enough evidence ot shut him down. Martha however has other ideas and gets him to let go of his own accord, falling to his death.. but given he’d aranged a stunt for the press apparently this gives our heroes deniability and Martha her revenge. 

So we end this three parter as Jean revels in her new power, and Beast returns with an announcment:

Final Thoughts for Germ Free Generation:  This arc is pretty good if forgetable. The struggle of Jean to run the school herself and her rising from the ashes of her own pain at the end with the power of the phoenix at the end is fantastic, finally both giving her a chance to shine.. and a worrying sign for her friends given what her phoenix force copy whose memories she has a copy of, long story, did is awesome. The other parts are okay and ehhhhhhhhh though. Scott and Emma’s investigation into the u-men while having a really good climax, is pretty standard x-men stuff, and Wolverin’es trek with angel is just okay with Angel being highly intolerable during this arc, with Morrison trying a bit TOO hard to make her a “realistic” teen instead coming off as horribly unplesant. She’s supposed to just be lashing out but comes off obnxious as a result. That said this arc does furhter a lot of Morrisons best idea and introduce more, and is a great setup for our next arc, which we’ll get to in two weeks. Soooo

Next Time On X-Men: We find out just what the hell Cassandra Nova is, what her plans are, and what happened with her and charles as our heroes come down with a cold as the might of the shiar empire bears down on them. It’s IMperial in two weeks. 

Next Time ON This BLog: Speaking of long Delayed Projects, I finally return to The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck as a young Scrooge starts his prospecting career, learning the ins and outs from a rich new mentor, and finding the price tag striking it rich comes with. Raid a copper hill with me tommorow. 

If you liked this review, subscirbe for more, join my patreon, and if there’s a comic you’d like me to cover suggest it in the comments or outright comission a review from me via ask. See you at the next rainbow

So we already have the Nintendo Zauberflöte, right? (I haven’t seen it yet, but I probably should) So some time ago, I saw this image on r/opera (or was it r/OperaCircleJerk? idk):

and this gave me an idea for a Super Mario-themed production of Tosca.

Mario as Cavaradossi (duh!)

Peach as Tosca (yes, I know it’s the total opposite of the color scheme described in Recondita armonia, but whatever)

Luigi as Angelotti

Daisy as l’Attavanti (although we only see her as a painting)

Bowser as Scarpia

Yoshi as the Sacristian? idk

Wario and Waluigi as Sciarrone and Spoletta

maybe a Boo as the guy who tortures Cavadarossi

Donkey Kong as the jailer in Act 3

Koopas as soldiers and some of Scarpia’s men

maybe also some Goombas as some of Scarpia’s men?

A chorus of Toads in Act 1

for the Shepheard Boy, probably some random kid in the background playing on some portable video game console, a Game Boy or a DS or a Switch or whatever else, depending on how nostalgic you’re feeling

Someone please do this. Let’s see how many fans we can attract, and how many purists we can piss off 😈

Lyanna and Baradon Stark

Lyanna Stark

Sexuality Headcanon: Straight but I think Cersei/Lyanna has potential so we’ll say bi with a strong preference for men.

Gender Headcanon: Cis woman 

A ship I have with said character: Cersei/Lyanna in a frenemies situation, Lyanna/Howland Reed 

A BROTP I have with said character: Lyanna and all of her brothers are pretty much in a canon brotp

A NOTP I have with said character: Rhaegar/Lyanna. I am a huge R/L anti. Also Elia/Lyanna (for reasons explained in my other ask), and Arthur Dayne/Lyanna. Idk why people love the last one because Arthur was OLDER than Rhaegar and if the idea that Lyanna wanted to leave the ToJ but Rhaegar kept the three kingsguard there to imprison her is true then he was also her jailer so like...yuck.

A random headcanon: Lyanna broke her collarbone trying to jump a horse over a fence once and is kind of scared of jumping now. She’ll do it if she absolutley has to but doesnt like it. Lyanna’s love of flowers is difficult especially in Winter because the glass gardens are primarily used to grow vegetables and herbs.

General Opinion over said character: I dont really have strong feelings towards the character but holy hell does the fandom make me dislike her. I have to sit down and remind myself sometimes that we know about 3 things about Lyanna. I also have the same problem with Jon and have to remind myself that canon Jon is an emo 16 year old boy trying his best and not some evil self-insert that would step on his half-siblings for the iron throne.

Brandon Stark

Sexuality Headcanon: Brandon is the token straight in the Stark fam. Ned has his whole “muscled like a maiden’s fantasy” thing going on with Robert, and Benjen joined an order where he was surrounded by dudes and forbidden to marry.

Gender Headcanon: Cis man

A ship I have with said character: Brandon/Elia is my crackship. Brandon/Barbrey i guess??

A BROTP I have with said character: Brandon was canonically in a brotp with Lyanna. Also Brandon/whoever he got fostered with to mirror ned and robert’s relationship

A NOTP I have with said character: Idk dont really have one

A random headcanon: Im going to say that Lyarra Stark didnt die in childbirth because jesus christ GRRM. She was pretty weak after Benjen’s birth however and during her convalescence Brandon used to sit with her in her room and help her knit baby clothes for Benjen and Lyanna, or he would practice reading out loud to her while she knitted. Lyarra recovered eventually and Brandon left to be fostered but then she got sick with a chill and died before he could return and he still regrets that he wasnt there to say goodbye.

Also from 1200-1700 knitting was commonly done by men and they even had knitting guilds which required very intense exams to pass! So it’s more accurate to have your medieval guys knit in stories than to have them disdaining it!

General Opinion over said character: I like Brandon!! Brandon and Benjen are my two fav “previous generation” Starks. I HATE fanfics that turn Brandon into some misogynist to whitewash R/L. Dude literally died because he loved his sister and his anger made him act rashly!! Anyways it was very sad that he died trying to save his sister and father and I think people forget this aspect of him in favour of making him into Robert Baratheon: The Northern Version

okay but "you vs the guy she told you not to worry about" where you is nathanos and the guy is the jailer

idk what’s up w the jailer but i do not like it. like there’s just too much going on with the 10 feet tall and the random glow and the handsome squidward face and the metal everywhere