#pull my world apart
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and what if i hyperfixate on my wip from three years ago to update during pride month instead of working on my thesis 😵💫😵💫😵💫
#ellie posts#ellie writes#pull my world apart#pmwa#hey i just have to write like 2-5 more sections and then it’s Done#am i scared to reach out to my old beta? maybe#maybe it just goes unbeta’d and that’s okay#at least it would be Done
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the mighty nein - critical role
this is a place where i don't feel alone.
this is a place where i feel at home.
#also with softer vibes. i offer They#every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit#the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family#also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9.#when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them#i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake.#the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor.#a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp#also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees.#the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay.#ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video.#crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives#as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes.#and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met.#rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed#posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc.#general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts#which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth.#critical role#the mighty nein#cr2#caleb widogast#caduceus clay#jester lavorre#fjord#veth brenatto#yasha nydoorin#beauregard lionett#mollymauk tealeaf#my posts
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right so you guys ever think about the spectre telling the narrator that hes more similar to her than to a person?
what "her" was she referring to? the fragment we call the spectre? the way he can only be perceived, not perceive himself? the ghost of him, the ghost of her? all of her?
im just. thinking. i always think about spectre. she has. a lot to say that i think is overlooked in favor of more common favorite routes like moment of clarity and the tower, but shes one of my favorites, and shes one of the only ones who SEES the narrator, save for wraith, who is. also her. or nightmare. and she says that hes not really a person. like her.
of course, that makes sense, we think shes a ghost and dead, so she is. but him. is the echo a ghost in the classical sense? is that what she meant? or are there layers?
she says he's not really like a person. what is a person to her? is she comparing the narrator to the "shards of broken glass on the floor" are her interactions with us and the voices the only "person" she knows?
i love love love when this game separates the narrator from us and our voices. i love it so much i think about it daily. props to tower for "layer of grime" that fucks so hard.
i don't have a thesis im just. thinking. how much of the narrator is left. really.
#sigh.#slay the princess#the spectre#the spectre stp#the echo stp#the echo slay the princess#the narrator stp#the narrator slay the princess#just thoughts man#my lovely partner presented a great concept today: the bird with teeth is his sona#while thats funny as hell i also think that that line of thinking makes. iogiuhuiogh it makes sooo much#like thoughts#i love the narrator i hate him so much#i need to pull him apart like a chicken bone#if that is his sona is his. echo. a comment on what we leave behind#our creations as extensions of the self?#or is it just meant to be literal. this man killed himself to destroy death for his world.#a part of him lives on in hell#infinite hims across all realities#but which part? a persona? an object? a skeleton?#how much of the echo is the creator? just how sentient is this guy#in other words. is he a literal ghost like the spectre#or is he something else entirely. a child created in the father's image#okay peace and love i will think about this For Ever <3#soup shut up challenge#burntsoupwords
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Having to say goodbye ~
(The music I was listening kinda sent me into autopilot???)
#gentan#HEAR ME OUT-#gentan in some ghibli-esque storyline where they fall in love#but have to say goodbye to eachother one last time#kinda in a world like spirited away but not???#none of this makes sense but that was the vibe i was getting when making this#IDK JUST IMAGINE THEM HOLDING ONTO EACHOTHER ONE LAST TIME AS THE WIND GOES CRAZY AROUND THEM#TRYING TO PULL THEM APART OR SOMETHING IDK#that's why their hair is kinda flying upward#if someone calls this cheesy i will delete :>#genya shinazugawa#tanjiro kamado#genya x tanjiro#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#myart□#idc if the proportions are wrong my mind was busy creating an angsty scene
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#matt bellamy#dom howard#chris wolstenholme#muse#muse band#matthew bellamy#dominic howard#oh my god they have the same faces#almost 30 years apart#same expressions#chris with his beautiful face and his beautiful open smile#dom and his open grin#matt just pulling focus cause he's too pretty for this world#there are probably much better comparison photos to use#but it took me plenty of time to find these#mine
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WHOO this took forever! for @rozugold ‘s awesome dtiys :)) it’s meant to look like a polaroid with scribbles on it but i’m not too sure that worked out haha
just the drawing without the extra stuff under the cut :)
#THIS IS ALSO A ROZU APPRECIATION POST!!#the original drawing hits so hard and the longer i looked at it the more i died /pos#i had to keep going back(especially on tommy) and making changes to how i drew the facial expressions#because you managed to make it so much more nuanced than i thought at first glance#it’s such a specific expression and it’s SO GOOD#in the end i still don’t think i really caught it exactly#AND THE COLOURS#just so so pretty#i could be looking into it too much but i really adore the way the background curves that much#they are on different halves being pulled apart#the world keeps moving on#they will always circle back to eachother#idk i just feel it in my bones something is there#i haven’t seen all the painted illusions lore but from what i’ve seen it looks so so awesome :)#i’m gonna have to find time to go through every post about it#painted illusions#my art
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strap in for this week's fic flavor: the failsafe episode of season one of the young justice cartoon except the simulation just won't. fuckin. end.
(fics that inspired this at the end)
If I ever did sit down to make my own fic, I'd split it in 3 parts:
The Simulation: bits and pieces of the 40 years Dick lives after most everyone he knows has died
The Return: the immediate aftermath and healing from the trauma of having not-quite-actually lived a whole life only to wake up and find out it was all fake. nothing traumatizing about that whatsoever.
The Unintended Consequence: aka the twist I'd love to add and would hint to in the second part - finding out the simulation, through martian mind fuckery, pulled from the real world (and in many cases, from real minds). Dick meets a bunch of people he didn't think were real outside the confines of his simulated life. A bunch of rowdy, heroism-inclined teens across the years get to meet the sibling/friend/mentor figure they all dreamed up one night.
(actual idea snippets under the cut)
.
Dick Grayson is 14 and most of the world's heroes have died. He planned a suicide mission that left him the sole survivor of a doomed team he helped found. The invasion may have been stopped, but is this really the price he wanted to pay?
The first face he sees in the infirmary is Roy's, and he has to close his eyes and just breathe for a few minutes because for one painful moment he'd thought it was Wally. But this isn't the world where his best friend miraculously survived alongside him. This is the one where he got his best friend killed and didn't even give him the courtesy of following behind him. Behind them.
.
Dick Grayson is 27 and has lived longer without Bruce than with him. The invasion's anniversary is always a tough day for him, but that morning seems especially harrowing. He'll get shit for it later, but can't resist stepping out onto the balcony of the manor's master bedroom (Bruce's old bedroom) for a smoke -- his first since he'd promised to quit if Jason, just 15 then, did too.
"Bad habits tend to pile up," he'd said, a rueful quirk to his tired grin. He'd tapped the cigarette twice on the railing and added, lower, "and this one's especially nasty, huh."
He inhales, watches the sun creep across the horizon, and lets acrid smoke burn through his lungs for a long moment before blowing it out in a small cloud. His eyes water, but he doesn't cough. It tastes just as bad as it did the first time he smoked one, not even a year after the invasion and treading water as Robin proved insufficient.
There hadn't been enough heroes to go around then, and Dick had been trained by one of the best. It hadn't been fair, but it had been his plan that had ultimately stopped the invasion. His shoulders everyone's expectations fell on.
He takes another drag, then smudges the lit end against the rail he's leaned on when he hears a boot scuff purposefully against the roofing above him.
"Todd and Pennyworth will be upset with you."
He doesn't turn around. Damian doesn't jump down to join him.
.
Dick Grayson is 54 and wakes up in a room full of ghosts. He hears his long-dead father-figure tell his long-dead team about a simulation they weren't meant to win. A training exercise gone wrong and only half a day spent under their mentors' careful, if slightly panicked, supervision.
He looks at his hands, watching the way his gloves crease when he flexes them in and out of tight fists. He looks at his team, their eyes a little haunted but shoulders slumped with relief even as they grumble. Batman's heavy, gloved hand settles on his shoulder and the weight of it is a nauseating mix of foreign-familiar.
He opens his mouth. Closes it.
Tears prick his eyes behind his domino mask, and he tells himself the suffocating, acidic void building in his chest is just some leftover side effect of the ordeal and not the grief-guilt of outliving yet another family (no matter that they hadn't been real in the end).
.
Dick Grayson is 16-going-on-56 and well used to the coincidences piling up between his simulated life and the real thing. Some of it -- missions and villains he remembers cropping up -- he's marked for Bruce to review and sort as he pleases. Some -- security for the cave, team building anecdotes, and training regimens -- he's shared with the team. And some he keeps only for himself.
Tim is one of those. He knows it's not fair to the kid (so much smaller now than he ever was when Dick lived his simulated life), but he can't help being selfish just for this. Tim is the one kid he's sure he didn't make up, and if Dick's taken to babysitting the kid just to be near at least one member of the family he built for himself in the wake of the worst days of his life .... Well, anyone who says shit about it can happily stand in line to have their teeth kicked in.
Despite this, it still catches him off-guard when he sees a familiar face pop up in one of Bruce's reports.
Jason Todd, caught boosting tires off the batmobile, is nearly the same age now as he was when Dick met him. He stares at the words, but none of them really sink in beyond the kid's name and address. He's moving before he's even made the decision.
He's used to the world kicking him when he's down - lived it for 40 frustrating years. But he has Bruce again. And things with Tim have been so good. And he's always been selfish when it comes to family. If he could just see Jason. If he could just meet him. If he could talk to him.
If if if if if--
.
Inspirations:
Circles in Shattered Mirrors by InfinityIllusion
Fine (But Not Okay) by CharlotteDaBookworm
Verisimilitude by mutemelody
#young justice#young justice cartoon#batfam#batman#dick grayson#thoughts and headcanons#the heart wrenching inability to cope with the fact that you've lived a fully realized life#you've loved and lost and loved again in the face of every unending tragedy#until you've forcefully carved out this one little safe haven for yourself#only to be thrust back to the beginning of one of your greatest traumas - esp one you're partly responsible for!#gotta love it#anyway i am and always have been obsessed with dick grayson and no one can stop me#the simulation was fake but some psychic bs means real world elements filtered in#cue several children with weird dream-memories of half-lived experiences and a massive sense of deja-vu#when they wade into the superhero world#all i can picture is the spiderman pointing meme but it's the batkids at dick lol#my favorite idea is that once Dick gets his grubby hands on Jason and Tim it's all over from there#he's pulling late nights and researching and scouring facial recognition databases until he finds his kids#(he blurs the lines a lot when it comes to considering them his siblings vs kids#on the one hand they're not super far apart in age bar Damian#on the other he hasn't been a kid in any meaningful way since he was 14 and he very nearly raised half of them in some way#(plus side to an au is that i can space the ages out more as needed compared to the show haha)#jason and cass are firmly siblings close as they are to his age#steph tim and duke fluctuate depending on how in trouble or injured they are#i will die by dick being damian's dad tho lmao#babs is more platonic life partner than sibling but very firmly family regardless#this is the dick grabs on to any shred of family he can with both hands and drags them in kicking and screaming if he has to au
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john and his niece going for a walk, arm-in-arm, so gemma can confide in him about her ghost problem without worrying her mum......i'm severely unwell about them.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#unfortunately mike carey kinda popped off about the two of them growing apart + gemma trying to follow his footsteps alone#gemma had so much to deal with at home and john provided a picture of stability and self-government that he simply does not really possess#and therefore by extension? so did the world of the occult#her descent into resentment + rebellion + risky behavior was fully in character for a troubled teen in an unhappy home#and it SUCKS bc the breakdown of their relationship was all due to john wanting SO BADLY to be a good influence on her + be there for her#and succeeding in the most monkey paw of ways#gemma never ONCE saw the cracks in the mask until she got close enough to his orbit to see him fail her in the WORST way#and that is a FUCKING tragedy#and we do NOT speak of the bullshit peter milligan pulled in his run because FUCK. THAT. NOISE.#in my canon they tentatively reconciled after the empathy virus. gemma's making her way through university#(see: studying part-time and still pursuing the occult on the side. but doing so Much more cautiously)#(no longer trying to be a Constantine TM but just trying to help out friends here and there)#and they meet once a year on december 2nd to honor cheryl's memory and catch up#( gemma masters. ) THAT'S MY NIECE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!#( visage. ) AND I'M A BASTARD.#sched.
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I miss when different things used to happen. Memes and movies and discourse and world crises and celebrity drama and political discourse and disaster and more memes and such. Now it's just genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide, genocide,
#if Im not posting as much about it it's because i'm coming slowly unglued#STOP FUCKING KILLING PEOPLE YOU SICK FUCKS#i like to mix it up by imagining all the different ways i could murder joe biden#remember that poor guy who tried to kill the french king and had his limbs slowly pulled apart for hours#i always thought that was unconscionable for anyone but i've changed my mind#every sick fuck complicit in this deserves it#how are mentally ill people supposed to live like this#the sheer extent of racism you have to have to not die inside from what your governments are doing while the world watches#how are we the same species as these bottom-feeders my god#knee of huss
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WORLDBUILDING???? 👀👀👀👀👀
you seriously dont want to ask about my ocs. i swear to god you dont. we're all going to have a horrible time. the last time i talked about worldbuilding it was all refrigerators. its all fridges. we'll all have a bad time
#asks#bastardcherub#thank you for asking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but once i start talking about this its all over for everyone.#i still need to write about siphonophores. for my world#the animals need them.#maybe i should just open my side account now. if i keep thinking about them my heads going to explode#i have like 1 person i infodump about my ocs to (my best friend) and they take the brunt force of my insanity#i still need to draw a map. i havent even written about the hole yet.#i need to finish writing about death rituals. are you kidding me#ive only done farm and forest animals this is so sick#its all just the ramblings of a madman#you really dont want to know#i havent even#oh god#too much information#i need to clear my head. i cant keep thinking about this.#IIIVE ONLY WRITTEN ABOUT. oh god. i need to do aquatic animals still. and oh my god#aaaaaaaagh auuraaghghhhh (sound of me being pulled apart by 1 million ants)#maybe one day once its all polished over (read: 10 years)#ok i need to stop. before i go insane. its okay. its alright. im okay.
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hahahahahahahah maybe i added a chapter to my beloved atla zukka five-years-post-canon wip, maybe it’s the longest chapter so far, maybe y’all should go check it out
#ellie posts#ellie writes#atla#zukka#zuko bby#zuko#sokka#zuko fanfic#sokka fanfic#zukka fanfic#demisexual zuko#demi zuko#hurt/comfort#hair pulling too but it’s still rated teen#sometimes you just need to write some gentle hair pulling#haha pls check it out ik it’s been three years but this is the One multi chap i’m proud of#pull my world apart#pmwa
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anyway on a different note. uuhhmmmm. say we take what had been torn apart say we mend any patchwork discord turning eyes to the trypo-puppeteer waiting for the world to burn
SO
ONE 1️⃣ TWO 2️⃣ THREE 3️⃣ AND WE'LL TIE ➰ THE TOURNIQUET 🦴
LARVAE 🐛 EATING 🍴 AWAY AT EVERYTHING
WORD GOES ROUND 🗣 I'M THE TRYPO-PUPPETEER
LAUGH ALONG 🤣 I'M SPREADING HOLES 🕳🕳🕳
🔊🔥🔥🔥🔥🔊🔊
NOW I KNOW 😢 THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY FAULT 😭
🔊🔥🔊🔊🔥🔥🔊🔥
AND I CAN'T ❌ INHALE 😤 ANYMORE
#etc etc etc.#other parts include DAY BY DAY AND DAY AFTER DAY I'M CAUSING TROUBLE ANYWAY PULL THE FIRE ALARM I NEVER MEANT ANY HARM#NEVER MEANT ANY HARM#WEEELLL SAY MY LIMBS ARE TORN APART AND ALL THE STUFFING FALLS OUT LET THE TOY WIND DOWN IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN WOUNDDDD I NEVER MEANT#ANY HARM#and also WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO BUUUURN WAITING FOR THE HOLES TO CLOSE NOW WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO BUUURN WAITING FOR THE HOLES TO CLOSE#NOW#I CAN'T SEEEEEEEEE THE HOLES IN MY MEMORIEEEESSSS#THE FIRE AND IIII ALONE AGAIIIN THE GUILT AND IIII ALONE AGAIIIIIN#okay that's it i'm good now. got it out of my system#you'll never guess who this was about#amygdala's ragdoll is certainly a song
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Hello.
You and gay-jesus-probably have successfully made me question everything with your view that Tears of the Kingdom is imperialist propaganda, so that's been fun.
Anyway, I decided to share this discussion with the Zelda fans on reddit, and perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of them disagreed. Here is what they said (I'm Alarming_Afternoon44):
So what do you think? Have I and all these other people just been duped by the game's manipulative framing? Or do they actually have a point?
And if you'd rather not answer this, or would prefer if I censored the usernames, just tell me and I'll delete this.
Hey! Thanks a lot for reaching out, and I'm glad it made you think stuff through!!
Honestly, as I mentioned in this post, I am not super interested about in-world conversations about who oppresses who, because what can be assessed from the game is super vague and more vibes-based than evidence-based. Within the text, of course that the Good Zonais are good and the Bad Ganondorf is bad! But that's my whole point! The narrative has been deliberately crafted so that the zonais and Rauru (and Hyrule) are as blameless as possible (and it's not doing a great job at it overall to be frank; we would not be having these conversations about how offputting it all feels for a non-zero number of people if it did do a great job). More importantly, I want to focus on what sort of real-life narrative it all parallels. Because people make stories, and people live in the real world.
Not going after everyone's throat here, gamedev is hard and the hydras that are AAA game production do end up doing super weird stuff, especially since the thematic ramifications are absolutely never prioritized (and it's also always the same kind of people who make the final calls and push out what can and can't be talked about also). And as fans, we tend to have trouble stepping outside the lens of lore and take a look at the bigger picture sometimes; not as an attack on any individual part of that decision-making process but to just pause, stop, and question our standards, our priorities and the kind of reality (or skewing of reality) the stories we tell each other reflect.
Again: do we want to take videogames seriously or not? If we do, then we need to accept they are a vehicle for ideology, just like any other artform. And sometimes, you push out questionable ideology, sometimes without meaning to, because you didn't unpack your own biases as you did. And it's even fine to do it, nobody is perfect, a 300+ people team spread over 6 years certainly will not be that. But that it wasn't prioritized is, in my opinion, a problem. As a narrative designer, I want games (at least the narrative side) to be held to a higher standard than this. It's literally my job to work with the industry so it can hold itself to higher standards of quality --so the whole TotK situation is quite frustrating to witness from a very pragmatic, work perspective where I already spend my days trying to convince people that things mean things. I have a vested interest here in not having the companies I work for being given a free pass by gamers to do literally whatever as long as it's fun, especially when we're talking about a billion-dollars company suing its own fans left and right for any perceived slight. Nintendo are not underdogs here. It's fine to point out they cut corners and maybe promoted messy ideologies, voluntarily or not.
So long story short: no I don't believe anyone here has a point in regards to what I think is actually important, which is why these choices were made in the first place. If you look at an imperialist text expecting the text to tell you that it's imperialist instead of recognizing a framing used for propaganda by yourself, you're never gonna find any imperialist text ever, obviously not!! I'm sorry if I sound a little gngngn here, but I don't know why audiences have, at large, this feeling that lore and story beat decisions materialize themselves already formed and without any human bias, meddling, intervention, internal politics or approximations (it seems that people can only conceptualize this part if they have actual names to attach to the story, but without clear authors it's like there are no authors and so no bias, which is... a very strange bias in itself). I can promise you that it does not work that way in practice: every narrative department on every big game is a battlefield --some nicer than others, but all of them very emotionally draining either way.
So yeah, I guess that on these grounds, I disagree with every point raised here. Sorry Reddit :/
But thank you for the ask and sorry if I didn't go more into details as to why. The big Why I Dislike Rauru Post and the Gerudo Post might have some more specific rebuttals, but I am not super interested in debating small detail stuff tbh. I feel like it's no use if the frame of reference isn't being understood in the first place.
#totk spoilers#totk#totk critical#thoughts#asks#yeah I just disagree with a lot of these in general but I just don't feel like going through them one by one sorry ;_;#feel like I'm starting to repeat myself#especially for a game I liked okay but will definitively not revisit in the long run#tho @ the last redditor: yes thank you for proving my point because do you actually know about afghanistan's recent history :))#like... who funded the mujahideens' war not so long ago :))))) and for what purpose :)))))))))#everything said by that redditor is 100% far right propaganda it's not even a little bit anything else it's textbook applied imperialism#it's.... yeah how do you want to have these sorts of conversations when the real life parallels are unackowledged#I don't know it's just.... so frustrating to me that so many people have such a hard time to unpack external influences in media#or do not know how to pull apart thematic framings from in-world fluff#sorry if I sound a little dry but it's just... it's all a bit tiring honestly#I'm glad this made you reconsider things! or that you took the time to read stuff through even!! thank you!!!#and thanks for compiling the whole thing!!#I feel like it's a good way of showcasing well... the narrative doing a good job at defending itself#but not disputing that the entire framing is deeply flawed#at least in my opinion
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i will never understand people who aren't curious. it's not that i expect them to know everything, of course not, but i just can't relate to people who go through life completely uninterested in anything around them, never questioning anything, never wanting to know more about new things they encounter. i could live a thousand years and it wouldn't be enough time to peel back the curtain on every possible topic i'm curious about but there are people out there who just. don't care??? about anything???? they encounter a new idea or concept or phenomenon and just?????? ignore it and move on with their lives?????? truly unfathomable
#i need to know Everything#i need to pull this world apart and run its guts through my fingers and only then will i be satisfied
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My girlfriend always makes my shitty days brighter sometimes. I'm so in love with her. She's so sweet and nice...pretty and caring.
#She can sometimes be mean to me#But yet be so sweet and loving#The world keeps us apart but I still pull her close to my heart#She's the love of my life. And I want nothing more than to just have her with me#I've never felt so much love with someone. This one is good. She's amazing#She's got her flaws. But don't I love those too? Because I really do. Her imperfections are what make her her...#And I'm in love with that#So in love#sam's talky talks
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no matter what happens this game and season, never forget:
fuck the astros
#seattle mariners#the ****** dont get a tag also bummerposting ahead in the rest of the tags. fair warning.#god. this inning is hell but i would almost be able to deal with it if it wasnt on the hell of that shit they pulled on julio#i think a lot about the line from the secret base mariners doc about like#this is a world where cycles close and stories end#where there are heroes#and the heroes win#a moment like this has no business in our world#and it just. augh#cant we have something good. cant we be the heroes and win again#instead of getting taunted with no consequence and everything falling apart#i want us to win this. i think we can. hell i think we can still make the playoffs even if we lose#but goddamn#yanno#mariners#almost forgot my organization tag
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