"Early birds" textured art print is now live on the shop! 💛

Chiho Saito’s 1999 Revolutionary Girl Utena Original Illustration Collection

IT’S HERE. IT’S DONE. IT’S FINISHED. NOW…IT’S YOURS. Happy Holidays, my friends.

Vanna here! I have posted some already about this project, and the responses I got, public and otherwise, have been absolutely incredible. Y’all have been reblogging and hyping this before it even finished…I haven’t felt so encouraged about an Utena project since the musicals! (Yes, streams soon, I promise.) You can read the other post to get more details, and catch my post here with more details about the process if you’re interested. The long and short of it?

This is the first artbook I ever scanned. I did it in 2001. In Photoshop, using multiple scans per page that took hours to process. But it was 2001. A half megabyte file that was 1250px wide was considered extremely hardcore and impressive. That’s just always been the business I’m in when it comes to Utena art, you know? 

It’s now the latest artbook I’ve scanned, and so much of the process, and effort involved, is unchanged. What has changed, is the result. Welcome to your new desktop background. Your new phone background. Your new poster print. 

What I’ve done here is attempt to create definitive digitized images of Chiho Saito’s work as offered by this book--I have removed the print moiré of the original scans, and used my literal decades of experience to try and tease out as much information from them as possible. Without being physically in front of the original artwork (which is a thing I’ve had the great fortune to get to do) this is The Most Chiho Saito you are ever going to get. I’ve tried my best to make sure there is a way to get it that works for everyone:

Do you just wanna scope 'em out? Look at some disaster gays? Grab your favorite one or two? This is the path for you! Check out the ‘compressed’ (not very) 10k ‘web friendly’ (not really) copy at the Bibliothèque, the media archiving wing of the Something Eternal forums at Empty Movement*. All the following links are also available from here. Do you want these copies? All of them? Don't just grab them individually, friend. This batch is 375MB and can be downloaded as a zip of the individual files here on our Google Drive.

Do you like digital archiving? Are you looking for a copy that preserves the archival quality of the effort but sits nice and comfy in a single file? This is for you. A minimally compressed 10k, 513MB version worked into a PDF is now up, shiny and chrome, on the Internet Archive. Do you like the idea of the minimal compression, but want the individual files in a zip? Yep I did that too, here's the drive link.

Are you looking to print these in a larger size? This is probably the only reason on Earth you’d ever want them, and yet a bunch of you are going to go straight for these. Here are the zero-compression JPG full size copies, most of them are 15k across, like simply a ridiculous size. Pick your fave and download it from our Google Drive! 

I am genuinely really proud of this work.** I was able to tease out so much new detail from these…her incredible layering techniques, the faintest brush of her highlights, and the full range of her delicate hand at whites and blacks… details commonly lost in digitization. I sincerely hope you find something here that you’re looking for, as an artist looking for inspiration, as a weeb looking for a desktop, as an archiver excited to see incredible 90s manga artwork saved forever in the digital realm. I feel like I have already said so much about them, and could keep going, but you know what? This work speaks for itself. Enjoy, use, explore, and definitely tell us what you think!

We love y’all. ~ Vanna & Yasha

* AHEM ASTERISK AHEM

You might be wondering what any of that is. Something Eternal? Biblewhatawhat??? EmptyMovement.com? You might even have done a double take at the word ‘forum.’ And you should!!!

I have a confession. This artbook was my ‘side project’ as I worked on this, *the main project.* For a couple years I’ve been banging around with a new domain, and originally I had other plans for it, but Elon Musk ruined my Twitter and Discord is well along on its way to enshittification, and well….we joke on the Discord a lot about ‘reject modernity, embrace forums’ and you know what? We’re right. So Yasha and I are putting our money where our mouths are once again, and doing something insane. We are launching, in 2023, a website forum. Obviously, this is not the official ‘launch’ per se, but I cannot announce the artbook without directing you to the forum, since it sits on the attached very cool gallery system. Oops! Told on myself. Another post more focused on the forum will be forthcoming, but if you are just that motivated to get in right away, you absolutely can! (This will help stagger new arrivals anyway, which is good for us!) If you would rather wait for the ‘official’ launch, by all means that’s coming, including a lengthy screed about how and why we’re doing this. In either case, remember: this is a couple weebs trying to make internet magic happen, we are not website developers by trade. Give us grace as we iron things out and grow into this cool new website thingie…hopefully along with some of you! :D

If you do join up, naturally, there is a thread about this project!

** If you like this kind of content, consider helping us pay for it! We do have a Patreon! If you’re wanting to use these in some public-facing distributive way, all we ask is for credit back to Empty Movement (ohtori.nu or emptymovement.com, either will work.) 

I would like to say ‘don’t just slap these files on RedBubble to get easy money’ but I know that saying this won’t effectively prevent it. Y’all that do that suck, but you’re not worth letting it rain on the rest of this parade. :)

Belladonna Nightshade - Halloween Dark Fairy

Base Doll: G3 Twyla from Monster High Clothing Pattern: Dollightful's Asymmetrical Dress (read to the end, I have notes about this)

Happy Halloween everyone! Since becoming a doll customizer, my Halloween dolls are usually related to my favorite indie horror game, Bendy and the Ink Machine. However, seeing as I've completed two Bendy dolls already this year, I felt it was time to give myself a break and try something a bit different. My friends over in DollyAnna's Discord server wanted to do a collaboration, so we decided to all make some Dark Fairies for Halloween!

Belladonna Nightshade is a mischievous fae that loves to play tricks and tempt mortals. That said, she's easily bribed with a sweet treat or two, and will usually let you be if you have a little candy or pastry to give her. I haven't decided what I want to do with her yet in terms of a story, but there is a part of me that would love to have her in my Equinox story.

When you consider the fact that most of my other Halloween dolls are black and yellow, it's no surprise she ended up super colorful. XD Would you believe this is my first doll with rainbow hair? Yeah neither did I, but she is! Part of my style is having really colorful and vibrant dolls, it surprises a lot of people that I've never done a rainbow before, but honestly? I'm glad to have finally tackled one! I'm also glad to have worked with another G3. Twyla is very near and dear to my heart, and I was so psyched to work with her mold! You can't see it in any of these photos, but I used glow in the dark varnish on her eyes and neon markings, so that her eyes still glow like the original. I will say, this doll has a lot more acrylic paint than my others, just by the nature of I don't have any pencils in neon colors. It was nice to get the practice in, I feel more confident than I did before in my brush skills. It was also nice to have a doll with dark scleras for a change! I haven't done that since I made Dreamer, it's surprisingly fun to draw on!

I was inspired by a LOT of different things with this one, and I went back and forth on my concepts a lot. Black light skeleton make-up, butterflies, fairies with non-traditional wings, candy, jesters, these were all sources of inspiration, and I think most obviously of all, Dollightful herself. This wasn't intentional, but I ended up using a doll of one of her favorite characters, with a lot of saturated colors which we know she loves, and even her dress pattern! I've been wanting to make this garment for ages, and finally I had a reason to try it!

So those of you who know how this pattern works are probably asking "Kat, how did you make this fit a G3? This dress is supposed to fit a G1 Monster High doll!" Believe it or not, Requiem Arts has a method for easily adjusting G1 patterns to fit G3 bodies. It's as simple as scaling a pattern up to 104% and printing it that way. It's meant for her garments, but I don't see any reason why it wouldn't work for other doll patterns. So I tried it with Katherine's dress, and I'm happy to say it worked out just fine! I think I probably should have adjusted a bit more on the skirt though. This outfit is essentially two pieces, and the skirt with all the ruffles is a little tight around the booty, it could have used a little more sizing up. So if you own this pattern and want to try this yourself, do keep that in mind!

Do let me know what you think! I had so much fun working on Belladonna, she's so vibrant and fun, I wanna try more fairies like her someday. I also need to try using props more. I got these pumpkins and hay bales on sale, and it was fun using them to craft a little temporary set for photos.

⚙️ SOTUS x BE MY FAVORITE 🔮

Arthit 🐢 Kawi

Commission for Krist Perawat Brasil. It was supposed to be finished before The Krist Elements Concert but due to me having irl & health problems, it took way longer x) Yet I can finally show it))

Still, I haven't done complex print art in a long time and this was my personal project as well *__* It went through so much hardship (and also I only drew Krist's face a few times before so it was a challenge to create the right resemblance as well). But I'm so proud of the result, look at them!

I will probably be printing a T-shirt or a bag for myself as well xD Somebody commission me to draw Not Me, Bad Buddy, The Eclipse or Moonlight Chicken art prints so I can make an entire Fav Thai BL wardrobe lol

// My other Thai BL fanart //

Life can be fascinating.

Yesterday was something else.

We got Suchwita where Yoongi says "when we come back we might not be as hot..." uhhhhh.... and "we didn't do anything big" YOONGI! MY GOD! STOP BEING SO MODEST!

Hoshi had to say right away "dude, you all did a lot more than that."

Yoongi said things that calmed the anxiety I have about this era of waiting for them to do their service and get back to us.

With every episode I get to know his personality more and more. He long ago totally dispelled (x1000) my very first impressions of him but these Suchwita interviews he does are so beautiful and enlightening.

And now he's on his way to Bangkok to do who knows what...

We got a trailer for Hobi's J-Hope in the Box video on demand on Weverse. I can't wait to watch this documentary. The trailer is showing some very real scenes, much more authentic, along the lines of the previous documentary movies about BTS.

Yes, Hobi, life can be fascinating.

I heard this Disney+ project was a series... are we to expect a documentary like this for every member? And then perhaps a group one right before their group comeback? We don't know yet.

And lastly, as I was closing my eyes to sleep last night, this K-drama playing out in real life in Korea between two major competing entertainment corporations. Armys who have been around since the beginning... this was not on y'all's bingo card for this life time was it? If this deal sticks... the ramifications...

EXO fans... how we feeling today?

I don't think the saga is anywhere near being over. Someone needs to get us some more popcorn because this is the best real life drama we've seen since that slow speed police chase of OJ Simpson's Bronco down I-5 in Los Angeles in 1994.

And to top it all off, my six WKorea magazines arrived. The package was heavy. Probably 10lbs of paper in those six magazines. That's 4.5kg. But they were absolutely gorgeous. I don't regret purchasing all six covers, they are like oversize glossy art prints of Jimin.

I can't read any of it. But the pictures sure are pretty. I may sacrifice one (the close up black and white cover) so I can scan some of the inside photos to share. I will do something with the cover, frame it, display it... it's my favorite.

And I wake up and Jimin's done a live, told us his album is coming in March(!), he could take his clothes off to show us his tattoos but where's the fun in that? <bites fist> He comments about watching the most recent Suchwita and that he would like to appear on Yoongi's show (please, please, please).

Somehow, Jimin has overcome his "awkward" era while doing lives. For over an hour and a half he's chatting, being funny, making plastic flowers, singing, dancing... TO FILTER?! ... ... if Jimin does anything like what Hobi did and sings some of his previous songs... OMFG WE MIGHT FINALLY GET FILTER LIVE!!!!!!I21!!

Honestly, I am expecting Jimin to have something on his upcoming album that will give Filter a run for its money as far as "shock" value.

Of course I will come back with another post after the subs are up on his live.

Hello! I know you probably won't see this for a while but that's okay. Just wanted to say that I love your art so so much! So beautiful and creative and I admire your flexibility. I have been wanting to support you and purchase a print of your art for a long time, though I haven't been able to yet. But! I'm very excited because I'm planning to get a mothra print from your etsy shop to hang on the collage wall in my new bedroom. And I haven't done that yet lol but I will soon. So... Idk I guess I'm just super excited because I love mothra and also that I'll finally be able to support one of my absolute favorite artists :D

This really made my day. Thank you!

I've been off of tumblr for awhile now. More active on Instagram. But its nice words like this that keep me going. It means so much to me. Thank you for the support!! *cries*

Congrats on 15k followers!

Between Tides is probably my favorite fic of yours, and I'd love to hear what different takes you had for the cover backstory.

Between Tides was the first really long fic I ever wrote, and I had not yet developed my current outlining system. Suffice it to say, I did not have the "mystery" part of the plot very well determined in my head when I started. There were originally a couple more important characters that got cut, and part way through the story, Renji was supposed to get a part-time job teaching at a martial arts dojo (for plot reasons), and the original cover story was related to that. I guess I probably had to rewrite it when I junked that subplot. I had legitimately forgotten about this until I was looking through my notes. I have to say, it is astonishing how well the plot-plot of Between Tides hangs together, given the extremely seat-of-my-pants manner in which it was written.

Also, here's another fun fact that I had forgotten until I found it in there: the name Satonaka came from the main character of the film After Life, a movie about a counseling center for the recently dead . I watched it in my college Japanese film course and it permanently rewired my brain. It was out of print for a long time, but I just now found out that it was re-released by the Criterion Collection in 2021 and guess what this bitch will be doing with her 7-day free trial?

Enough of that. Here is the OG Satonaka teen love drama. I am warning you now that this is super-duper unedited and I'm kind of embarrassed about it, but I love you all very much, so I am letting you look at it anyway.

🌊 🌊 🌊

Fortunately, Rukia had now been doing this long enough that she was starting to be given tasks that she had done before. The sensation of responding “I just emailed it to you!” or “Check the printer!” every time her boss demanded something held some of the same satisfaction as a well-executed squad maneuver. 

Unfortunately, this also meant that when the afternoon rolled around, Sunadori crashed extra hard. She moved her chair over to Rukia’s desk, and sat, leaned over, with her cheek on Rukia’s blotter.

Rukia wasn’t sure, but she thought they might be best friends now.

“I think I want to get back together with Haruta,” she sighed despondently.

“Hmmm,” Rukia replied. “Are there... pros and cons?”

“Did I mention we dated for a while? When we were much younger?”

“I could tell.”

“You could tell?”

“It’s...a common scenario,” Rukia hedged, glancing at the photo of Takeru on her desk.

“He was so angry about his dad’s death,” Sunadori sighed. “And it was like he blamed me. I couldn’t be around him. But he seems different now that he’s back from college. Everyone’s really sick of him talking about his aikido class, but I think it’s really helped him find himself.”

“Hmmm,” Rukia repeated. She was pretty sure this conversation was not generally appropriate for a Living World employment situation. On the other hand, she needed to get more intel on Oga, and this seemed like a really prime opportunity. Also, in the grand scheme of inappropriate captain-lieutenant dynamics she had heard stories about, this didn’t even merit an eyeblink.

“Mr. Satonaka seems very nice. I’m sure you two had a fairy-tale romance.” Sunadori stared at his photo wistfully. She was obviously an oversharer to start with, and for some reason, she was already weirdly invested in her employee’s love life. Rukia decided to throw out some bait.

She blew all the air out of her cheeks. “Hardly. It’s a long, stupid story, it wouldn’t be appropriate for work.”

Sunadori sat up sharply. Hook, line, and sinker. “It’s the week before New Year’s, no one gets anything done anyway. Tell me everything.”

It might seem counterintuitive for Rukia to tell Sunadori a long story when what she really wanted was for Sunadori to tell *her* things. But that wasn’t the way these things worked. She would share a long, juicy story, and then Sunadori would tell her more than she wanted to know, probably forever.

Also, Rukia was really quite fond of the romance manga backstory she and Renji had made up. He’d gotten to pull it out a few times, but she hadn’t, yet. She was really looking forward to telling the whole thing to Orihime when this was all over. Well, here was her big chance.

“Are you sure you want to hear this?”

Sunadori stared at her. “Stop stalling.”

“Okay, well, so, I took martial arts as kid. Our neighbors ran a dojo, an old family school, similar to jujutsu. I took it pretty seriously, marched through the belts, had a room full of trophies. When I was old enough, I started helping with the beginner classes to help pay for my own. I think I was fourteen when Takeru started coming, he would have been thirteen. He was taller than everyone in his class by a head, and he was terrible. Most of the beginners were little. I mean, you can start at any age, it’s just rarer. Anyway, Numata-sensei had me work with him one-on-one so he could get the basics down and move to a group with people closer to his own age. I was really worried that he was gonna be a jerk about having a short girl teach him this stuff, but he was actually very polite, and a good listener, and he started getting better.

“We ended up talking a lot, and it turned out that he didn’t have a very nice family life, and he’d been getting into trouble a lot at school, which is why his mom put him in martial arts. I lived right down the street from the dojo, and I guess he just started coming by after class, and the next thing I knew, he was just at my house all the time.

“For a long time, I thought he liked being around my family as much as he liked being around me. My mom made him sweets all the time, which she wouldn’t make for us. My dad called him ‘sport’. I have an older brother and he’s just a total stiff. He was the captain of the football team and the top student and has had his entire career planned out since he was 8 years old, and Takeru just idolized him.”

“Where’s your brother now?” Sunadori asked hopefully.

“He’s a banker in Tokyo,” Rukia replied. 

“Married?”

“Only to his work. But he’s super married to his work. Would you rather hear about him?”

Sunadori flapped one hand. “No, you can get back to the story.”

Rukia sighed and hunched her shoulders. “This went on for a couple of years. Takeru was getting really good at jujutsu. Not as good as me, but we were competing at the same level, and sparring all the time. We went to regionals the year I was 16, and dominated so badly that the championship round was between me and him.” Rukia’s face went stiff. Acting. “He beat me. He knew my moves so well that he had worked out a counter-offense that he was saving until he had to face me in competition.” Renji had made up this entire part and refused all edits of it. “Afterwards, he insisted on walking me home, even though I wouldn’t speak to him, and he stopped me out in front of my house, and told me that now that he had defeated me, he felt like he could finally ask me if I would be his girlfriend.”

 Sunadori gasped.

“It was really lame,” Rukia editorialized. “It was terrible. The worst.”

“You said yes, though? Right? Please tell me you said yes.”

“Yeah, of course I did. I was 16.”

Sunadori sighed, completely taken in. Point Renji.

“Anyway, we dated for a year or so, and then his dad, who was barely there to begin with, skipped out completely. He fell apart.” She frowned. “I tried to be there for him, but I was in my senior year, dealing with exams and college entrances, and I don’t think I realized how badly he was spiraling. Takeru dropped out of school, he said he needed to get a job to help his mom. Except he didn’t, he-- y’know, I don’t want to go into the details. My family, his mom, Sensei, our friends-- we all tried to help him, and he pushed us away. My brother was off at college in Tokyo at that time, and he called up Takeru and reamed him out, which let me tell you, was not helpful. Finally, I told him that I couldn’t be with him anymore. Then I moved away to college and blocked his number, as if he was ever going to call me again.”

Sunadori looked downright misty.

“You had to do the same with Oga?” Rukia asked, grimly.

Sunadori shrugged. “Oga never… got in any real trouble. He was just… mean. Hurtful.”

Rukia nodded. “Takeru had been in and out of trouble the whole time we were together. I never saw that side of him, he hid it pretty well. When we were apart, I told myself that he had lied to me, that he’d never been as good as I thought. But people are complicated, you know? And I dated a few other guys, and I knew none of them were as good as Takeru’s good side."

She took a deep breath. The next part was going to call for some fake tears, which was actually one of Rukia’s specialties.  “So, I was home for New Year’s my senior year of college, and Takeru’s mom comes by. I guess she and my mom had kept in contact, although my mom had never mentioned it. She told me that the summer I left for school, he had enlisted in the JGSDF, and that there had been an accident-- I mean, it wasn’t an accident, it was an IED-- but he was in the hospital. He was going to live, but he they weren’t sure he was going to keep the leg.” One tear, sniff, wipe it away with the heel of her hand.

Sunadori looked downright stricken.

“I mean, he had been a downright rat-bastard, but we had some good times, too, and his mom said he had cleaned himself up a lot, so I thought, maybe I’ll write him a letter. The guy’s in the hospital, may end up with a prosthesis, the least I can do is send him a get-well card. I sat down and wrote him a twelve page letter. I didn’t know I still had twelve pages of feelings left for him. I stuffed that in my desk, and got him a card from the drug store instead. I felt bad after I sent it, so I wrote him a one-page letter of the absolute blandest nothing, and sent that to him. And he wrote back.”

“What did he say?” Sunadori asked breathlessly.

“It wasn’t very long. Thanks for writing mostly. That he hoped I was well. There was nothing in it that indicated he wanted anything from me or expected anything of me.” She frowned. “It broke my heart. So I wrote him a longer letter, just nice things, happy things, things that I remembered would make him smile. And he wrote back to that, too, and then we started texting, and calling. His leg got better. I was back at school, finishing up my last semester, when they let him go home, to his mom’s. I took the train home that weekend, just to see him. I didn’t tell him I was coming.”

“Oh, how romantic! What did he say when he saw you?”

“Well, here’s the thing. You should tell people when you’re visiting them, especially when they’re just out of the hospital. He looked terrible and he was in a lot of pain, and I think he was a little embarrassed. But that’s when I really knew that he had changed. Because through all that pain, he was so careful with everything he said and so gentle, all he cared about was that he didn’t accidentally push me away again. At the end of the weekend, he made me promise that I wouldn’t let him distract me from school and that I would have a strong finish.”

“Mmm, I would have been distracted.”

Rukia’s brows creased. “Ma’am, I assure you I worked very hard on all my coursework, and am a very qualified employee.”

Sunadori rolled her eyes. “You already have the job, get on with it.”

“Well, the job market was pretty tight, and my dad knew someone who needed some part time office help, so I moved back home after graduation. I found out that Takeru’s mom was too busy to get him to PT most of the time, which was downright stupid, since it was basically a miracle that he kept the leg at all. So I started driving him around and at first it was just making sure he made it to all his appointments, and helping him with his veterans affairs paperwork, and then we were just always together again.”

Click here for my posts about MTV and here for Fred/Alan’s MTV work.

The first MTV poster. Summer 1981. 

I’ve been searching for this poster (or at least a file of it) for almost 20 years. It was the first poster we did for MTV in the summer of 1981, and maybe because it was in a somewhat outdated style it sort of got sidelined and I didn’t save it.

We were so late in finalizing the MTV logo pretty much all of the promotional merchandise that we put together to promote ourselves to record companies, music managers, advertisers and cable operators (and of course, ourselves) were rushed. Consequently, even though our logo animations were leading the channel into what became our loose, illustrative design style for MTV’s first few years, the earliest stuff was a bit of a hodge podge that we thought might work.

Artist David Willardson led the 70s California based music business through an innovative era by reviving the airbrush and using it to give a unique spin to 12″ vinyl album covers, which had generally been either photography of the musicians or abstract illustrations. By the end of the decade it was the cool way to showcase music. By 1980 he’d partnered with artist Charles White III in the Willardson+White studio in Los Angeles. Around the time we started thinking about MTV, Manhattan Design –Pat Gorman, Frank Olinsky and Patti Rogoff– had started their studio in the spare room behind a tai chi studio above Bigelow Chemists in New York’s Greenwich Village. I’d grown up with Frank and one thing led to another and we hired the team to design our logo. 500 tries later not only did we have the ‘M’ we had our main designers for the first several years of the network.

Because of the speed at which we needed to ramp up once we settled on the logo weeks before our August 1, 1981 launch led to a lot of creative decisions that would have little effect on the overall approach we’d eventually take to design on the channel.

This poster, which fit into the prevailing record business of the past decade, would really be in complete opposition to my thinking for our channel. Which was, simply put, that MTV: Music Television needed to be the leader of the music biz –hell! the entire culture!– MTV needed to be what was next. It’s a great poster, a wonderful illustration, to be sure (well, I probably would’ve left off the artists; within about a month after our debut, most of them would be yesterday’s news). But, if you take a look at some of our other work, you might agree that with this piece we definitely hadn't become “next.” Yet.

PS: This poster led to one really stupid design decision on my part which plagued the production groups for several years. In my attempt to be organized and professional with respect to design, I took a cue from this poster’s type design, a variation of the Kabel family of typefaces. I insisted that all our on-air typography use Kabel, taking the choice out of individual designers. The typeface wasn’t really suitable to early 1980s television technology, but I insisted. Dumb!

.....

Credits:

Art direction: Manhattan Design (Pat Gorman, Frank Olinsky, Patti Rogoff) Airbrush illustration: Mick McGinty for Willardson+White Creative Direction for MTV: Fred Seibert & Alan Goodman

Click here for my posts about MTV and here for Fred/Alan’s MTV work.

.....

…::: Addendum (July 7, 2023): I thought Manhattan Design had originally told me this poster illustration was done by Charles White III of Willardson+White. Through some research that I didin’t pay attention to –that is, I never looked carefully at the credits at the bottom right of the poster!– it turns out the artist was actually Mick McGinty.

So, I reached out to Mick’s website and got this note back from his son Jobey: 

Hey Fred...we actually still have the original, and I have a print hanging in my home studio. It's one of my absolute favorites that Dad did, myself being a guitar player as well. 

I would love more information on it if you have some, and I will gladly send you photos of the original. Dad had it hanging in his studio for about 20 years, but then it hung in my bedroom during high school, until I moved out and it went back to his studio. While I was in high school, Dad was offered a pretty large sum for it...he said I could use the money to go to college, haha, but I lacked some ambition and decided to keep it...and this was in 1996 or 1997. 

Most of Dad's illustrations are going to go to Heritage Auction in August [2023]. 

So glad to hear from you and meet you...anytime I get to have contact with someone that my Dad worked with it's always a huge gift and blessing to me. Jobey

My response: 

Oboy! What a nice note, thanks so much! 

As it turns out, persistence is a quality that can work out once in a while. I found the poster on a rare rock poster site from Germany, of all things. It got sent to me right as I came down with a serious medical condition, and now that I'm OK, I'll be able to finally open the box!! Looking forward to getting it linen backed and framed.

I'll tell you what I know of the poster, given that I was the client rather than the commissioner, Hope it's helpful.

I was the original creative director at MTV. About a year before we launched on August 1, 1981, my creative partner (eventually, my business partner) Alan Goodman and I commissioned Manhattan Design to create a logo for the channel-to-be. (Actually, I went to my childhood friend, Frank Olinsky, who had been a fantastic artist since I met him at 5 years old, and not for nothing, a lifelong music fanatic. He'd just started a design collective with two others, Pat Gorman and Patti Rogoff, and the assignment broadened to their firm. Which, by the way, was housed in a storage room behind a tai chi studio above Bigelow Chemists, on Sixth Avenue in Manhattan.) It took at a year of over 500 comps before we were satisfied with the eventual, final logo.

The final corporate approval of the design went on way too long and by the time we asked Manhattan Design to come up with our launch poster (mostly for the cable operators we needed to put the channel on their systems, and advertisers we needed to give us their money to survive). Frank thought Willardson+White would be the right shop for the illustration (Frank himself was a fantastic illustrator, kind of out the Seymour Chwast style, but he had become sick of his own work and preferred designing) –after all, airbrush was the most exciting thing to happen to 70s album design, and pop design in general– and after they sketched out a comp, you dad did the fabulous work.

Honestly, until I stumbled upon the information that your father illustrated the poster, I was completely in the dark about it. I think Manhattan Design told me it was Charlie White who did it, but maybe I misremember, or possibly they told me a name they thought would impress me. 

After the poster was printed (in a very small quantity) we went on to the main work of the channel. Personally, I was interested in moving past the styles of the 70s, not just in album design, but in animation design too. My boss wanted everything to look "modern," by which he meant the kind of Star Wars style of computer controlled animation and, of course, the airbrush kind of thing. I loved both of those things, but I felt like MTV needed to forge its own path, and not follow anything else. How would we be considered special if we were followers? When he said "Star Wars" I blurted out I wanted us to look like Gumby –claymation– and convinced him we couldn't afford the more expensive stuff (claymation was way out of the mainstream by the 80s, and I let him know that the studios needed the work and would do stuff for us at a budget more in line with what we could afford).

Bob Pittman –my MTV boss– left us alone, creatively and it gave us a chance to work on Frank to do our work in a more flat illustrative direction; he could execute that personally. Reluctantly, and given the startup budgets we were working with at the beginning –it took several years for the channel to be financially successful– Manhattan Design steered us right into the pocket I was looking for, and it helped make us famous during the first decade.

Anyhow, that's what I know. If there's anything else you're curious about lemme know, it'll probably ping my brain to things I've forgotten.

Take care, sincerely, Fred 

Early in the week I had a sexy dream about Laura Jane Grace, so I’ve been kinda obsessed with all things LJG since (not that that’s really anything new.)

I had a couple instances of my favorite radio station seemingly reading my mind. One evening, I’d been thinking about the Stooges song “Search & Destroy,” and it came on the radio. A couple days later, driving to the store, thinking about Joe Strummer, The Clash’s version of “I Fought the Law” came on.

I received good news on another of my dear ones’ health scares.

P. got a little depressed and grumpy, as he always does around the holidays.

Thanksgiving sucked, as it pretty much always does. The food was good, that’s the best thing I can say about it. C. woke up way too early so he was cranky, my parents had some big argument about how long to cook the turkey because they are incapable of getting through a holiday (or really any day, but holidays are worse) without some kind of bickering, their moods made C.’s mood worse, he had a meltdown, the stress gave me a phlegm attack.

So, yeah, being around my parents and their dysfunctional dynamics literally made me physically ill. God, it’s no wonder I’m so fucked up and have such a hard time being calm with my kids. At least I am determined to work on my shit, to not repeat all my parent’s mistakes, and when I do make a mistake I let my kids know it was my fault and not theirs. It’s a difficult process and I fuck up a lot, but at least I am trying.

I’ve started taking stock of 2022. I always have a tendency to think I didn’t do anything in any given year (meaning: in terms of my vocations and avocations, and in terms of just living my life.) But then, when I look back on the year, I usually find I did more than I’d initially thought.

So: one of my poems was performed by the Racine Concert band. I had a poem published in Fine Print, which they nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Someone put one of my older poems as a result in a uQuiz. I wrote a bunch of poems for NaPoWriMo, one of which was featured on the official NaPo website. I got to conduct an interview with one of my all-time favorite writers, and write a review of her book, and had those and a story published on the website of one of my other favorite writers. I wrote a brand-new chapbook, and Scumbag Press published it. Wisconsin Death Trip is almost totally sold out, and I may have to go into a second printing. Someone I know has been teaching some of the poems from it in the poetry class she teaches, and someone else I know bought a bunch of copies and he’s going to read/discuss it with his poetry book club. He told me that it’s the type of book he thinks will stand the test of time; he said it’s both such a perfect record of experience and an experience unto itself that it will still be relevant ten, twenty, thirty years from now. I published two zines, including a brand-new issue of Reckless Chants (the first full-length issue since 2019!) I started putting the finishing touches on a revised edition of WWTAWWTAP. I’m nearing the end of NaNoWriMo, and I’ve been working on my novella, the Chicago novella I’ve been trying to write for years, and I’m going to surpass my personal goal of 15,000 words. It won’t be done-done by December 1—I keep thinking of more to add and some of what’s in it right now will ultimately be taken out—but I am finally getting it down and it feels really good.

I’ve written a ton, actually, both poetry and prose—some of it hasn’t been published yet, some of it will probably never be published—but either way, I have written.

Yesterday, C. said to me: “Mom, you’ve written so many things! You’re rich in writing.” I thought he was talking about making money from it, and I said: “Oh, well, I haven’t made that much money from it.” He said: “No, I mean, you’re rich in writing, because there’s so much of it.” Then he said: “And you’re rich in art, too, because you’ve made a lot. And so am I! I make art all the time!” I nearly wept. What a beautiful way of looking at it. Even if we make no money from it, even if no one else ever sees it, I am rich in art and writing.

I made a ton of art. I got commissioned for a couple collages. One of my pieces is currently in an art show sponsored by an actual art museum. I published a few Bone & Ink Press titles and kept the press alive, despite all the difficulties. I made some short films, recorded some spoken word tracks, participated in some zine and poetry readings, tabled at a zine fest, made a podcast. I started playing accordion again. I’ve already got things lined up for the early part of 2023: the January 2023 edition of BONK! Performance Series, which I am both curating and performing in; the Woodland Pattern Poetry Marathon; and an opportunity to teach a group of high school kids about writing and performing poetry.

I kept my family and myself alive, despite some bouts of serious illness and the worsening of some of my disabilities (both mental and physical). I hustled for work and side-gigs and got some help from some kind people, and always managed to make ends meet. I homeschooled two kids. P. and I kept the spark alive in our relationship, even when it was tough. I quit smoking, started again, and am now on track to quit again. (And I am proud of myself despite the slip-ups; it’s a hard fucking addiction to kick, but I consider every cigarette I don’t smoke a win.) I read a lot of books. I cooked a lot of good food. I hung out with some friends—not as often as I would have liked, due to life’s responsibilities + this endless pandemic, but still more than I have since 2019. I took a couple few-day/night trips to Door County, a handful of day trips (Kenosha, Milwaukee, Beloit, Chicago), and had a lot of adventures close to home—long walks around my ‘hood, park visits, beach bummin’, hangin’ downtown, and hella trips to the library.

Yesterday, the library had a Black Friday event. They couldn’t have their usual fall sale due to renovations, so yesterday they did a thing where you could buy a bag for $5 and cram as much as you could fit into it. We filled two bags, and got a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of astronomy books and magazines for C. and some Christmas classics for the whole family and some mystery novels for P., and I got a book of poetry, a book of short stories, two memoirs, an art book, and a Blu-Ray disc of Sin City. It was awesome, and definitely the only Black Friday sale I would ever go to.

Today I’ve been listening to a lot of trip-hop and abstract/instrumental hip-hop. I did yoga this morning. I read some poems, did some novella-writing. I did a bunch of loads of laundry and started packing. C. and I worked on an art project, and there was an…incident…with some gold paint and it ended up in my hair and all over my face, so I took a shower. I was craving a fried egg & cheese sandwich like I used to get from the food carts in Philly every winter, so I made some for lunch. C. and I took a long walk at golden hour, picked up nature treasures; I showed him the way seed pods can make good percussion instruments. Now, P. is cooking dinner, I’m having a drink, soon I’ll be tuning in to this month’s edition of BONK!. Tomorrow, we head up to Door County for our final northwoods visit of 2022.

I’m sleeeepy today. got a lot done this morning and early afternoon but then made the fatal mistake of crawling into bed and now it’s unclear if I’ll ever manage to get out again. mm okay let’s do a little house check-in.

LIBRARY: I am so happy with the library that I make a little audible sound of delight every time I walk past it… I love it so freaking much omg. I am having a lot of trouble deciding if I want to put a cozy oversized chair or beanbag in there or if I want to leave the floor area open. cozy chair is obviously tempting but I’m not sure I would actually hang out in there to read when I have lots of other comfy spaces to be and I kind of like the clean open look. I do want to get a rug in there to complete the room but I find online rug shopping to be the most maddening experience imaginable so I might put that off for a bit. I’m kinda thinking no chair and just a rug + maybe a small end table with a plant or a candle or a lamp on it to cover up that oddly placed electrical outlet a little bit. then I’ll maybe do a few more prints on the other walls but tbd. I started successfully cleaning paint off the ceiling today but want to let the walls dry/cure just a little longer before I mess with that.

LIVING ROOM: I need to just bite the bullet and splurge on a nice TV console—it’s the one thing that room is missing and then it will be perfect. oh I guess I also need to figure out the plant corner sitch like what do I want to have going on over there once I replace the temporary makeshift plant stands. and I do probably want to paint the walls a slightly calmer green at some point (there’s too much yellow in the one I picked I think) but I can’t face it now. very happy with everything else though!! could not love my giant sectional more it’s sooooo cozy.

KITCHEN: I made some small additions and improvements last week that really pulled that room together. the actual kitchen prep area is the only part I’m not crazy about—the cheap laminate counters just show absolutely everything and I’m still hurting a bit for storage space. considering getting a small island but can’t decide if it’ll make the space feel too cluttered. tbd but it’s not urgent.

HALF BATH: I want to paint you, half bath!!! and do something about your horrible ugly tile. but I’m not sure what color scheme I want yet. I think this will be a “spend months collecting Pinterest inspo” winter project. the half bath and utility closet (now library) were the most blah and featureless rooms in the house and now the library is my favorite, so I feel confident that I can effect a similar transformation in the hall bath given time.

HALLWAYS: looking good. very pleased with the planter wall and small art. downstairs hall could eventually have a bit more going for it but idk that’s not urgent.

DAYROOM: something about this room is not right and I don’t know what it is. the wall color is stunning and I love the colorful cabinet in there but the room lacks personality other than that and I don’t spend any time in there except when I’m working at my desk. which is a shame because it’s such a lovely big open room and it gets the best natural light in the house. I guess I just feel like I haven’t figured out its character yet you know? I wanted it to feel like a cozy writing space too but it feels like it’s wholly defined by my workstation (and by my blah feelings about work by extension). I wonder if a solution might be dividing up the space more intentionally—like figuring out how to use the couch or other furniture to create the feeling of two rooms within that one space, one for writing and one for work. hmmm. I must apply my mind to it.

BEDROOM: I’ve done very little here! I think I want a friends and family photos wall or one of those strings of photos clipped on. but I might also want a hockey/fandom corner lol so I can gaze upon My Guys and feel happy. like the dayroom it’s a bit of a “lots of space but not sure what the room’s personality is yet” situation. fine for now but definitely a winter project. paint will be the thing that transforms and defines it I think. very much considering painting it (or an accent wall) that dusty terracotta pink to warm up the space but that feels daring haha. we will see!

Artists in Wonderland - Number 8

Welcome to Artists in Wonderland! Running till the 4th of July, I’m counting down My Top 10 Favorite Illustrators for “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland!” The Lewis Carroll stories of Alice are as immortal as they are odd, and many great artists have handled them in different ways. This countdown will pay homage to just a few of them. Our 8th Place illustrator is truly a (Little) Golden Choice. Today’s artist is Leonard Weisgard!

Leonard Weisgard is a name probably not well-recognized today, but he was one of the most influential artists of the 20th century, especially in the field of children’s literature. Weisgard is most well-known for his work in the Little Golden Books series: a collection of children’s stories that dominated the market of the 1940s, and are still celebrated and beloved today. These books covered just about everything a children’s company could cover, from original stories to adaptations of fairy-tales and fables to educational subjects. Weisgard was not the only artist who worked on the books, but he was one of the most prominent, responsible for such titles as “The Golden Egg Book,” “Indian Indian,” “The Little Eskimo,” and “Pussy Willow.” The Little Golden Books were not the only things Weisgard worked on, naturally. In 1949, Harper & Brothers Publishers released a new omnibus edition of “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking-Glass” illustrated by Leonard Weisgard. I first learned of this book after seeing it in a local library, but I was never able to get hold of it myself, and unless I’m much mistaken it’s no longer to be found there. (Not sure what happened to it.) Tracking down Weisgard’s edition is NOT an easy task: while he is hardly the oldest illustrator of the stories to be found on this countdown, his particular version IS the oldest I own. The Weisgard volume has not been in print since at least the mid-1950s. The used copy I hunted down has a small message, inscribed upon the inside cover, that dates this edition being given to someone in 1953. A friend of mine found it on Etsy, and purchased it for me as a gift. If you’re reading this, you know who you are, and you are AMAZING. Weisgard’s artwork was done in a modernist aesthetic, which was highly fashionable in the 1940s. It’s a style that’s difficult to describe; on the one hand, it’s very graphic and geometric, all points and spheres, simple and clean in its construction. The characters are flat, but they have a sort of dimensionality to them; this was NOT the way Weisgard made them, I should point out, but they feel like paper collages that have been photographed. You can almost reach and feel as if you could peel them off the page and pull them into your hand, like a collection of paper dolls. The most striking thin about Weisgard’s style, and it’s especially prominent in “Alice,” is the colors. The colors here are breathtaking: bold, electric, vibrant, and intense, yet somehow they never feel overly garish. The art style actually reminds me a lot of Mary Blair, the artist who was responsible for crafting the look of the Disney film. It is entirely possible Blair and Weisgard knew each other, given their respective backgrounds and similar artistic feels, but Weisgard’s Wonderlandians stand on their own, somehow being both blocky and detailed at the same time. I would argue that, of all the Wonderlands I’m talking about on this countdown, Weisgard’s world feels the safest. There’s no real menace or danger to this world, instead it’s more like a vivacious, childhood playground. The characters feel comical and, despite the geometric angles, at times downright cuddly. It’s like a crayon box exploded, and the wax took the shapes of the characters: no threat, no fear, just colorful imagination, splashed across every image in the story. It really is like a Little Golden Book edition of “Alice.” As somebody who grew up with those books, that’s not a bad thing for me to say.

Come back down the rabbit hole tomorrow as I present Number Seven! Don’t be late! ;)

ou say that Sol is kinda scruffy and I do think you capture his "so tired he's tattered" vibes in your drawings. That being said, I feel said Sol drawings have a pretty vibe to them too at the same time? Like he's pretty? I'm not even into guys but even I can tell he's a bonafide pretty boy with a stoic yet melancholic expression. *marge voice* I just think it's neato and I can't think of other words aside from your Sols are pretty men.

Shout out to the flowy way you draw the ponytail, it's so unique and recognizable!!

Hahah thank you so much!!! For the most part, I really like all of Sol’s designs throughout the history of GG, but in some of them he’s definitely got that pretty boy thing going on and I try to channel those drawings in particular when I draw him. I’m gonna stick the ones I reference the most under a readmore down below and you’ll see what I mean.

I LOOOOOOVE drawing long hair with all my heart. The flowing shapes and organic nature of it is very calming to work with. I’d really like to draw Sol without his Gear suppressor some day so I can really go ham with his hair (since even the top is long without the suppressor) but I haven’t thought up a composition I like just yet...

Sol’s XX art from the Accent Core version art update is probably the oldest art I reference for his face. He’s got those iconic eyebags in this art, but the dark lines on the outer parts of his eyes give the impression he’s got some glorious eyelashes too. I’m not actually sure if Daisuke did this art or not. The style is pretty different from how he drew during that era and it’s digital art. But some of his recent art is in this clean cell shaded style so who knows. 

I’m gonna paste the entire image for this because it’s for real one of my favorite official Sol illustrations and I’m GRUMPY that I can’t find a high resolution file of it anywhere. It was done for a GG x Seiko collab where they made Sol themed watches. The watches came with a print of this. Daisuke made Sol exceptionally beautiful in this one for some reason and every day I am grateful. Look at those pretty eyes and voluminous mane.

Last one. This was done for a caption contest for Gemaga magazine in December 2006. It’s in the GGX art book I post scans from but I’m never satisfied with my translation for the caption that goes with it so I’ve never posted it... Daisuke made him really pretty here too, even though it was just a doodle on a piece of card. I like how he’s kinda got cheekbones in this sketch and the shape of his eyes too, even if they don’t have the big eyelashes lol

This was the winning caption and I’m pretty sure he’s saying something like ‘Is there gyuudon/has the gyuudon come back [in stock]’ but I’m REALLY BAD at reading hand written Japanese ahh........ Gyuudon is a rice and beef bowl. 

Sorry that got kinda long ^^;; 

EX13 - Corey Jurasek - I used adobe dimension's premade water splashes, materials and lighting to create this scene and made edits in photoshop.

The print on demand items that I will most likely design is a mouse pad, a hat (probably a beanie) and sweatshirt. I hope to learn more about print on demand services and how art can be transferred to their sites as I have never used PoD services before.

PoD items could be used as limited time sales or giveaways to get consumers attention. It can also allow for more brand awareness when it is worn in public.

I am not sure yet how the PoD items will expand on my brand. I plan to make clean designs and explore creatively in the designs. Showing my learning that I have done in the class.

Why you should read Fantome-Stein

Fantome-Stein is a crossover between the Phantom of the Opera and Frankenstein: the Modern Prometheus written and drawn by @thedrawingduke, and lemme tell you, it’s probably one of my favorite things on the internet.

What It’s About: essentially, the premise is that, instead of dying at the end of Frankenstein like he told Captain Walton, Frankenstein’s monster went on to become the Phantom of the Opera. It goes on to retell the story of Phantom of the Opera in a very gorgeous, distinctive way, with a few other very interesting changes along the way…

Why You Should Check It Out: guys. The art in this is AMAZING. It’s so expressive and can go from vibrant to subdued while maintaining a distinctive style and just being ridiculously beautiful. It’s just. Mwah. Words can’t do it justice, check it out. If I knew how, I’d print it out and bind it in a book and flip through it every day. It’s no slouch in the writing department either. The depiction of mental illness and everyone’s emotional arcs are wonderfully done, and it manages to switch between heartfelt and humorous seamlessly. The way that the core trio (Erik, Christine, and Raoul) are written stands out as a unique, but very compelling take on their personalities, and it doesn’t go in the direction of a lot of adaptations. It’s super interesting, and they definitely stick in my head as some of the more memorable versions of themselves with rich inner conflicts and layered personalities (Raoul in particular is my absolute favorite version of himself in any Phantom story, ever, but holy hells are Christine and Erik amazing too). None of Erik’s more evil actions are skimmed over or romanticized, for those of you who’re afraid of a Love Never Dies situation. And they actually remembered the Persian!!! He’s a major character in the story, and he’s fantastic!!!

Reasons You Might Not Want To Read: both halves of this crossover draw more off their original novels than their more famous movie and musical adaptations, so if you’re unfamiliar with those, then you might be in for some confusion. There’s also depiction of mental illness and emotional abuse that can be triggering, so be careful if that could hurt you. And it’s not exactly a stickler for canon, so if you really insist on sticking to the source material, no matter what, then this might not be for you. TL:DR Fantome-Stein is so so good you guys. The art and writing are crazy magnificent and I’m honestly surprised this hasn’t been professionally published yet, that’s how polished and well-made it feels. It’s a crossover that doesn’t feel like it should work, but does. Go check it out if you haven’t already.

⚙️ SOTUS x BE MY FAVORITE 🔮

Arthit 🐢 Kawi

Commission for Krist Perawat Brasil. It was supposed to be finished before The Krist Elements Concert but due to me having irl & health problems, it took way longer x) Yet I can finally show it))

Still, I haven't done complex print art in a long time and this was my personal project as well *__* It went through so much hardship (and also I only drew Krist's face a few times before so it was a challenge to create the right resemblance as well). But I'm so proud of the result, look at them!

I will probably be printing a T-shirt or a bag for myself as well xD Somebody commission me to draw Not Me, Bad Buddy, The Eclipse or Moonlight Chicken art prints so I can make an entire Fav Thai BL wardrobe lol

// My other Thai BL fanart //

A quick note about pronouns: when we use the pronoun “we” or another plural term we’re referring to all of us or multiple of us, and when we use the term “I” or another singular term it means whoever is fronting is writing about just themself.

Hello everyone! This week was so mixed for us. We'd like to start by saying we have a new alter, Mabel. She is 11 and a half. She is friendly, silly, and has medium energy (not super enthusiastic or super calm). She likes swimming and art, and loves to read and be outside. She's a typical preteen, not exactly a child but not a teenager yet either. She is an ANP (apparently normal part) which means that her role is mainly related to everyday life instead of trauma. That being said, when I was 11, I was in a relationship that lasted for a year, and not just one where it was like "She likes me, I like her, let's go get ice cream", no, it was a lot more serious and complicated than that. I needed that external validation because I was not getting it elsewhere. By the time I was 12, I had written documents with dozens of paragraphs trying to prove to therapists that I was mentally suffering and in pain and that I needed help. It shouldn't have had to be like that. At 11-12, I should have still been a kid, not in a serious relationship and trying everything I knew to cope and heal from things that were not my fault. Mabel is the developmentally appropriate preteen I never got to be due to trauma.

We went to see the gender clinic and it turns out we aren’t going to be able to have top surgery as soon as we turn 16 because they need to do a neuropsychological evaluation and the waitlist time for that could be up to 6-12 months. We are extremely disappointed, like EXTREMELY disappointed. We’ve wanted top surgery since we were 12 and we already waited 16 months to see the gender clinic, which was probably the hardest thing we’ve ever done, and we don’t want to wait another year to two years before having our top surgery. That just feels impossible. I feel disgusting and trapped and suffocated by our body and I'm not an impatient person but it’s been three entire years and we need it now. I cried at the gender clinic when we got the news because we feel so stuck and we hate the circumstances. Our friend had a top surgery consultation this week and we are super happy for them, they deserve this euphoria, but we have such mixed feelings too because we wish we could also be at that point.

We went to our first crew meeting for theater and we mostly learned about how the lighting, curtains, and sound work. We also went into different parts of the theater area and backstage so we could become familiar with the different parts. Our friend who's doing crew with us couldn't be there because she had driver's education, which is a bummer, but she'll be there in two weeks.

A package in the mail arrived with stuff we had ordered. We got a love bunny plush for Evie. Since she is a traumatic memory holder and her favorite animal is a bunny, it is symbolic for her to have a sad heartbroken bunny plushie and it helps her express herself. We got some pink fleece pajamas with hearts and strawberries on them for all the littles (Fawne, Ruby, Evie, and Mabel) and a heart print v-neck vest for Ruby and Evie. We will post pictures of these things right after we're done with this post.

Our dog was sick again and that was really stressful and scary for us. Our parent who we live with full time took him to the emergency pet hospital and brought me with, but she couldn't stay because she had too much work to do so she contacted our other parent to sit with us and our dog and wait and talk to her about the medical decisions. We haven't been alone with our other parent for over six months and we were really not looking forward to that. There are reasons we don't live with her, she's not a good parent and we really don't want to be with her or around her or involved with her in any way. Thankfully, she was actually tolerable to be around and she got us food because we were hungry, although we were dissociating because it was late and we were tired and it was a big (uncomfortable) deal to be with our other parent. We wanted to text our attachment figure for comfort, but I had already initiated a lot of deep, long conversations lately and we want to give her space and time to breathe before initiating another boundary type conversation. It was hard, we really wanted to text her, but we resisted the urge and got through it. We are proud of ourselves for being able to tolerate the feeling and sit with it. Our dog is okay now, they gave him some medical treatments and discharge information. We really hope he will continue to be okay.

Fawne was out for a couple of hours earlier today. I keep telling her that she'll get to be out soon and then things come up and she can't be out because we have to be around people or get things done, so she was happy to get to front. Sara and I also needed the break from fronting because it was the end of a school week and we were tired and stressed. We needed to let go of our responsibilities and problems and slip into our littlespace. She took a bubble bath, wore our littlespace dress, ate applesauce, and watched Blue's Clues with our stuffed animals.

Littlespace: The headspace an age regressor is in while regressed (also used as a kink term in NSFW kink contexts but I will never use it in that context and the two definitions are very different and do not overlap).