The funniest thing about Benthomaar’s nickname being Bentho is the canon etymology of the name Benthomaar.

We know the suffix “maar” means sea in Merlopian and Trimaar says that Benthomaar as a name means “deep sea” which implies “bentho” means deep in Merlopian and “maar” means sea in Merlopian.

Shortening Benthomaar’s name to Bentho basically just means you’re calling him Deep and it is fucking hilarious to me.

Also, on a related note, Trimaar’s name would translate to “three seas” (assuming the prefix “tri” still means "three" in Merlopian) and Kalmaar’s name could translate to “dark sea” or “gloomy sea” because "kal" comes from the Latin word caligo which means "darkness". This, again, assuming it’s applicable to Merlopian (which it very well could be, due to Bentho’s IRL etymology and his canon etymology being INCREDIBLY similar, with “benthos” in Greek meaning “the depths” and “mar” in Latin meaning “ocean or pool” making the literal translation of Benthomaar’s name “the depths of an ocean or pool” which can easily be shortened to "deep sea").

zubat is one of my favourite pokémon and, because it is one of my favourite pokémon, i've used it in every single generation i've played where it's available. this has led me to notice that you can kind of use zubat to track game freak's evolving design ethos with the pokémon series allll the way from gen 1 through to gen 9.

so if you don't know, zubat is a funny poison/flying bat pokémon. you can usually get it pretty early on in caves, usually sometime around the first gym. in gen 1 this is mt moon, gen 3 gives you zubats in granite cave right around the (mostly optional btw???) 2nd gym, gen 4 gives you them the moment you get to jubilife city, etc. it evolves into golbat at level 22, which doubles zubat's stats and lets it learn screech. golbat is a funny guy and i like him. don't know why they made him grow eyes though.

point is, they're common and you get them early, so it's a pokémon that is very easy to slot into your team as a decent flying type with better utility and defenses (being a poison type) than your average earlygame bird shitter. they're also vaguely menacing if you're insane i guess so they're evil team fodder. ok. we know what zubat is now.

GEN 1: in gen 1, zubat's design is insane. early pokémon games are shocking well put together - for the bad rep they sometimes get for having a handful of prominent glitches, it's actually a testiment to the games that they just keep trucking through these insane edge cases rather than crashing. unfortunately, the design itself is... primitive. they had a smash hit but definitely hadn't fully found their footing. let's look at zubat's moveset.

oh god! so, you would think this is a case of some kind of "first stage evolution syndrome" where zubat has a terrible, limited movepool that gets fixed when it evolves. gen 1 REALLY likes this gimmick: just off the top of my head this is the exact deal of abra and magikarp. unfortunately, no. the only damaging moves zubat learns before it evolves are leech life, a 20 base power (THIS IS LOW) move of a relatively weak offensive type, and bite. bite is fine. bite will hit most types except rock and ghost, and its power is fine. other than that, it just learns supersonic and a slightly less terrible version of supersonic.

then the insane thing: it learns wing attack at level 28. golbat learns it at level 32. it evolves at level 22. this creates an interesting dichotomy where on one hand you REALLY want to evolve zubat to golbat, given that it literally doubles its base stat total when evolving, but on the other that means you'll be waiting a full 10 levels from evolving to learn its only STAB move (in pokémon, pokémon get a 1.5x multipler to a move's damage if its the same type as that pokémon). said move only having 35 power. gen 1 is strange. i think this really shows the design philosophy of gen 1: everything is new, most things are weak, the balance is all over the place, you have to purposefully stop your funny bat from evolving for 6 levels just for it to learn a terrible flying type move that it can use for coverage. every other move it learns is either normal type or has <= 40 power. why.

GEN 2: gen 2 is the generation of "ok that was pretty good but had some pretty major flaws. let's try to fix them." gen 2 is kind of defined by how closely tied it is to gen 1. zubat is a great example of this. first of all the obvious thing: zubat gets a new evolution! if your golbat has high friendship and levels up, it will evolve into crobat. crobat gives the line about a hundred more stats (mostly to speed, with everything else getting a little peppering) and is maybe the funniest of all guys, his design being both cute, silly, and cool is maybe why i like the zubat line so much

so what changes for zubat and its family in gen 2? three things of note! 1. more TMs to learn, giving it more tools to play with, including the new steel type move steel wing. 2. bite has been changed to a dark type move, giving the noble zubat more type coverage including the ability to hit ghost types and psychic types (who are normally strong against poison types) for double damage. 3. wing attack's power has been increased to 60 (almost doubled!) and it's level to be learnt lowered to... 27. 1 level!

(from this point forward i'm not going to screenshot the TM learnset. i'll try to keep describing them, though)

also, the level requirement for bite has been moved to level 12, and it learns mean look at... level 36. ok so, yeah, not fixing the pokémon, but definitely some improvements here. you could actually reasonably recommend zubat to a friend or family member now if they particularly like its silly funny design

GEN 3: it's a new generation... literally. pokémon is now in FULL COLOUR and SYNTHESIZED SOUND on the GAMEBOY ADVANCE. pokémon is now fully establishing itself not just as a couple games and spinoffs, but a full on series that will ostensibly stick around between generations of games, generations of consoles, even generations of people.

so, yeah. this ain't your daddy's pokémon, he played pokémon red as a 7 year old but he's a full blown 13 year old now... much too cool to play these baby games. ...oh shit wait, every pokémon has an ability now? damn, nevermind, this rules! that's what i assume game companies think people will think when they do Big Spin Ups for a New Generation. i don't know if it DID convince a generation of millenium tweens that funny animal game is still cool, but the changes are appreciated anyway. steven stone is hot! i don't have anywhere else to say that. anyway, how did zubat change?

our friend zubat gets lots of changes to keep up with the crowd now. bite has been moved back up to level 16, but zubat now gets astonish - a decent ghost type move that can flinch opponents, air cutter (this used to be TM only) - a slightly weaker and less accurate flying type move than wing attack, but one with an increased critical hit ratio AND it can hit multiple opponents in new-fangled double battles, and poison fang - finally allowing zubat to unlock its poison type STAB... if you either don't let your zubat evolve for 19 levels or, more realistically, teach it to your crobat at level 49... ouch! but, the biggest of them all: your zubat can now learn wing attack before it evolves! ...1 level before it evolves, but before it evolves!

in addition, zubat's family got a new ability - inner focus: this lets them not get flinched. not that out there, but it's a welcome change! the line also gets a few more TMs unlocked, including coverage options like shadow ball, and the extremely powerful sludge bomb. you can really, finally, genuinely use zubat now! it's actually okay! it being a friendship-evolved pokémon is also ideal for one you pick up early game - you can usually evolve your zubat around the early level 30s, giving it a big stat boost earlier than a lot of other pokémon.

GEN 4: gen 4 is strange. it's a huge shift in the series, but it's also actually pretty similar to gen 3. it stays pretty true to the series roots, but also moves the ball in a way that would keep going and eventually mark what is effectively an entire change in identity for pokémon. steven stone is in heartgold and soul silver (yay!). gen 4 also cements gen 3 as the only generation of pokémon ever (so far) to be the only one on its console.

we're making good progress here! wing attack can be learned even earlier, at level 17, meaning you should get it just in time for the grass type gym leader, bite has been reverted to being learned at level 13, and air cutter / poison fang have had the time you need to hold a zubat before they can be learned significantly turned down. if you do happen to hold your zubat until level 41, poison fang's spot has been usurped by air slash, a strong special move (gen 4 split all moves into physical and special, where before they were split between the attack / special attack stats by type) that has a 30% chance of flinching an opponent. zubat's physical stats may be better than its special stats, but only by a little bit, so this is a welcome option! zubat also gets a couple more good TMs, like U-Turn, a really strong move that lets zubat deal some damage and then swap with a teammate to hopefully avoid taking retaliation! anyway that's it really, just little steps!

GEN 5: here it is, the big one… the one that changed it all… just joking! infact, zubat didn't get a single move change in Pokémon Black and White, as it wasn't available to catch at all in that game! instead, it was replaced by the spiritual successors woobat and swoobat, cute fluffy psychic / flying types with little heart shaped noses - they even keep the theme of a closed pair of eyes opening up when evolved! i like swoobat's terrible, fleshy heart tail, too!

anyway, zubat was revived in Pokémon Black 2 and White 2, whereupon it did actually receive a moveset update. it's not a very big one, but it's appreciated!

so, the pre-evolution options of astonish, bite, and wing attack have been moved a little further back, while players who wait a little bit are now able to learn the moves swift (a normal type move that never misses), and acrobatics (a move that has its damage doubled if your pokémon doesn't hold an item). cool stuff! air cutter, poison fang, and air slash have all been moved back a little bit. maybe this could be to disincentivise holding a pokémon that can evolve to learn moves, since this puts it much more in line with crobat:

who knows? anyway! the other noticeable changes are the additions of a couple more TMs like venoshock (all TMs being infinite use now, so you don't have to worry about wasting a TM anymore!), a poison type move that doubles in damage if the target is poisoned (finally, more love for zubat's poison type!) and the hidden ability of infiltrator.

what an unhelpful piece of flavour text! infiltrator is an ability that lets zubat ignore the effects of "barrier" type moves, which are moves that provide resistance or immunity to certain effects (such as physical damage, status effects, and debuffs). later on, this will be buffed to let zubats with infiltrator hit through substitutes, and even later will be buffed again to reduce wild encounters!

GEN 6: here's the real big one. gen 5 marked a distinct change in direction for pokémon as a series: a grander story, bold new characters, and a focus more on a journey that felt more like a hero's quest to prove themselves, rather than some random kid's uphill battle to get stronger. gen 6 took the new generation and made some bold decisions: now we have 3D models, and crazy plotlines, and fully arranged streamed music, and... much easier gameplay! well, easy is not the right word. pokemon games have always been kid friendly - but later games definitely try their best to streamline the experience. it feels a lot more like a power fantasy of a rise to glory, where previous games distinctly... did not. is this good or bad? well, it's all just taste! we all have our taste.

zubat received its major changes, again, in the second set of games of this generation: omega ruby and alpha sapphire. a step back to hoenn, including our good friend zubat!

woah! can you believe this is even the same friend zubat we met all the way back in 1996? i'm so proud of him... well, what major changes are there? here's an easy two: venoshock is now a move zubat learns naturally, and almost every move has been substantially reduced in level up requirement! bite at level 11? wing attack at level 13? it feels like just yesterday we had to fight tooth and nail to keep bite at level 13! poison fang down by 12 levels to level 25, and so on. the big one here is that air cutter is now a move you can learn before even evolving zubat, giving you another flying type option! what could be awaiting us next, in the sunny alola region?

GEN 7: i like gen 7 :) i also don't know what preamble to give here. well, other than: gen 6 began the trend of adding a new "gimmick" every generation. these stick around for one generation, can only be used once per game, and provide some Big Flashy Effect. mega evolution was gen 6's, but that was restricted to a few specific pokémon (mainly fan favourites, no love for great pokémon like crobat... grr...) but gen 7 changed this: now any pokémon can use a Z-Power!!! once per game, a single move can be transformed into a powerful Z-Move, that does huge damage. this means our friend zubat can join the show. will it use a poison Z-Move, or a flying Z-Move, or maybe a random coverage move, like ghost or steel?

um... what's going on here? zubat's lost leech life! well, look again. the iconic Zubat Move is still in its learnset, but it's now been QUADRUPLED in to 80 power, so it's been moved up and replaced with absorb as zubat's starting move. absorb is still stuck at 20 power. poor absorb. that's probably what it gets for being cousins with mega drain AND giga drain. crobat gets to learn cross poison on evolve now, a powerful poison type move that has an increased critical hit rate AND a chance to poison. other than these, zubat's learnset has not changed in any noticeable way. i guess that's a sign game freak has settled on a moveset to stay for our friend zubat!

GEN 8:

what on earth happened here? where is zubat's iconic wing attack? leech life at level 55? well, generation 8, you see, represents a big shakeup for the pokémon series. the series has OFFICIALLY jumped from handhelds to the home console, and so naturally that leads to a very different design philosophy - including the removal of lots of moves from the game entirely, and the barring of some pokémon from entry to the region! zubat gets to stay, though, and its reward is an entirely retooled moveset. what can we make of this?

well, first of all, supersonic has been recognised as an Iconic Zubat Move after 20 years of proud service, being officially made a move zubat gets right out of the egg. it still sucks, but that's cool! wing attack and bite have been replaced with poison fang, retooling zubat to put the early focus on its poison typing: to this day zubat and its family are actually the only poison / flying type pokémon! air cutter has been pushed back above the "evolve threshold", where it joins a bunch of other iconic Zubat Moves. bite and leech life now languish, as moves that probably nobody will ever actually hold their zubat to learn, given it's only a couple extra levels for golbat / crobat to learn them. speaking of crobat, it's worth mentioning...

crobat has a whole lot of tools to work with now! it's very clear they really wanted to play with crobat's unique role as a poison / flying type here by focusing a lot more on its Poisonous Traits - toxic, cross poison, and venoshock are all very fun tools you can play with that crobat gets access to with ease. what a treat! the number of TMs crobat can learn is also huge, with plenty of coverage across a bunch of types. now for gen 9!

GEN 9:

oh zubat! you should have known that DUI would give you consequences. well, yes. this is zubat's journey so far. but i think that i've proven my point - you can distinctly see a shift from the early game pokémon design philosophy to newer games.

personally, i would describe this as going from the games being an "uphill battle to prove yourself" to a "journey across the land with your favourites". it's clear that, over time, there have been attempts to try and make a lot of pokémon more viable, so that if zubat is your favourite too you can pick it up and have it be useful almost right away, rather than its earlier role as a pokémon that takes a long time to get going but eventually gets tools that make it a lot more usable. i think this shows pokémon's shift to being more about the pokémon themselves rather than the journey, which is a safe decision that's probably made because every pokémon is somebody's favourite.

this has no real point by the way - i personally don't actually mind the newer direction of pokémon games (aside from the EXP share always being on...) and have enjoyed plenty of relatively modern pokémon games a lot - i really rememeber loving pokémon moon when it came out! but i do also enjoy the different "vibe" and experience of older pokémon games, and i think sometimes the best way to actually describe the differences is to just lay out them out, plain to see.

anyway, i hope you enjoyed and, next time you're in a dark cave, consider holding off on the repels. you might just meet your new best friend forever!

(ID: A screenshot of tags that read "#Prev what are some alternatives to the word primitive that are less derogatory" /end ID.)

@panicdeleter I'm responding to your question on a new post so that the op of the original doesn't get this in their notes because answering in good faith is going to take a lot of explanation.

Short answer: there isn't one.

Long answer: as you say in your tags, "primitive" is a derogatory term with a very loaded meaning. Removing it from your vocabulary is less a matter of finding a more PC alternative, and more a matter of understanding why it's derogatory and changing your perception of what's being discussed. To do that, we're going to have to look at archaeological theory for a minute. Stick with me, I do have suggestions at the end.

Archaeological theory is a complicated subject and there's no way I'm going to try to summarize all of it in a Tumblr post since it's a topic arch programs devote at least a semester (if not longer) to. So we'll focus on the relevant bits.

Essentially, in the bad old days when archaeology was starting to become a discipline instead of a thing rich dudes did on the weekends, there was this idea that certain European societies were the peak of civilization and everywhere else was less evolved and therefore primitive. It was based on the misunderstanding of the theory of evolution that was common at the time. Like so:

(ID: a diagram drawn in pen. It's titled "Ye Olde Arch/Anth Theory TM". The next line says "Primitive = simple, less evolved, bad". Below it there is a vertical arrow pointing down, with the words "one way line" next to it. Under the arrow there is a line of text reading "Advanced = complex, most evolved, good". /end ID.)

These early archaeologists believed that all of humanity lived on a hierarchy with the "advanced" societies they lived in (and their ancestors like Ancient Greece) at the top and all the "primitive" past and current societies (destined to either become like them or die out eventually) at the bottom.

It's been a long road for archaeological theory. The 20th century was fraught with theoretical movements and debates that sometimes literally devolved into fistfights. But eventually we all ended up more or less here:

(ID: A hand drawn diagram in a similar format to the one above. It's titled "Arch Theory Today (Short Version). Below the title there is a single line of text centred around a horizontal line with arrows at both ends. The left side of the arrow reads "simple" while the right side reads "complex". The line itself is labeled "continuum or spectrum". /end ID.)

While you'll still find some archaeologists who disagree, the main consensus appears to at least be on the same page that instead of the old primitive vs advanced hierarchy, societies exist on a spectrum that ranges in complexity. In the most basic terms, because I'm glossing over A LOT of nuance here, hunter gatherer societies tend towards the simple end of the spectrum while big state societies are on the more complex end. This is not meant as a value judgement of these societies, but merely an attempt to classify them so other people have a frame of reference for what you're talking about. Even so, there's considerable debate about the language used for certain terms and societies, and I am not necessarily qualified to go into that in this post.

I say all that to help you understand why I can't give you a catch-all term to replace "primitive", because if one did exist it would be just as derogatory. In certain contexts there may be more appropriate words that you can use, such as simple (as in the case of the meme that inspired this post) or old. But a lot of the time an alternative just doesn't exist because we are not better or 'more evolved' than our ancestors any more than people living in big state societies are any better than people still living as hunter gatherers.

I know this has been a very long post, but I really am just scratching the surface here. For more information I suggest looking at podcasts like The Dirt or A Life In Ruins, youtube channels like The Welsh Viking or Archaeology Tube, or the blogs of any of my fellow dirt lovers here on Tumblr like @chaotic-archaeologist, @micewithknives, @art-thropologist, @archaeologistproblems, and @rhysintherain to name just a few. Archaeologists are generally a bunch of nerds who will take any opportunity they can to talk about the human past, and we rarely bite.

The modern world is nice, but sometimes you just get the urge to go primitive. Because I'm a complete wimp who would die within a day of giving up the internet, I'm going to deal with that urge by talking about primitive animals. It's Wet Beast Wednesday and I'm talking about lancelets.

(image: a lancelet. Not much to look at, are they?)

Lancelets, or amphioxi, are highly basal (close to the ancestral form) chordates that are vaguely similar to fish, but are vastly more primitive. They have all the characteristics of chordates, the key one being a notochord, a flexible rodlike structure that goes down the body. The majority of chordates that are still alive are vertebrates, who have incorporated the notochord into the spinal column. The other groups of surviving chordates are the tunicates (who I'll get to eventually) and the lancelets. Because lancelets are so primitive, they are used at model organisms representing an early stage of vertebrate evolution. It was originally thought that lancelets are remnants of an early lineage that eventually evolved into vertebrates. Genetic studies later showed that tunicates are actually more closely related to modern vertebrates than lancelets. They are still used as a model organism as they are a fantastic representation of early chordates. The similarity of lancelets to the 530 million year old Pikaia gracilens, one of the earliest known chordates, is one of the reasons they are such a useful model organism.

(image: a diagram of lancelet anatomy by Wikipedia user Systematicist)

Lancelets can be found all over the world, living in temperate to tropical shallow seas. The only known exception is Asymmetron inferum, which has been found around whale falls at 225 m (738 ft) deep. They are small animals, reaching around 8 cm at their largest. An amphioxus looks pretty worm-like, with a simple mouth at one end and a pointed tail at the other. The name amphioxus means "both (ends) pointed" which is a pretty appropriate description. The mouth is lined with tentacle-like threads called oral cilli, which are used for feeding. Lancelets are filter-feeders that use the cirri to filter plankton, microbes, and organic detritus. Water and food pass into the pharynx (back of the mouth), which is line with gill slits. This is where it gets weird. The gill slits aren't used for respiration, but for feeding. Mucus gets pushed through the gill slits by cilia, trapping the food and moving it deeper into the digestive tract. Not only to lancelets not use their gill slits to respirate, they actually don't have a respiratory system at all. Instead, they just absorb dissolved oxygen through their thin and simple layer of skin. Their circulatory system doesn't move oxygen around either as there is no heart or hemoglobin present. For what it's worth, they don't have a proper live either. When you look at a lancelet's anatomy, you can see similarities to fish anatomy, just much more primitive and with some parts missing.

(image: the head of a lancelet, with mouth and cilli visible)

Lancelets have 4 different systems used for vision. Two, the Joseph cells and Hesse organs, are simple photoreceptors that are on the notochord and detect light along the back of the animal. Imagine having a bunch of very simple yes on your spinal cord that can see through your skin. There is also a simple photoreceptor called the lamellar body (which confusingly is also the name of a type of lipid) and a single simple eye on the head. Speaking of light, lancelets are florescent, producing green light when exposed to blue to ultraviolet light. In all species, the proteins responsible for this are found around the cilii and eye, but some species also have them in the gonads and tail. The purpose for this florescence isn't exactly known, but a common hypothesis is that it helps attract plankton toward their mouths.

(image: an extreme close-up of a lancelet's cilli fluorescing)

Lancelets have seasonal reproduction cycles that occur in summer. Females release their eggs first, followed my males releasing sperm to fertilize them. Depending on species, spawning can either occur at specific times, or gradually throughout breeding season. Development occurs in several stages. In the frist stage, they live in the substrate, but they will quickly move into the water column to become swimmers. These swimming larvae practice diel vertical migration, traveling to the surface at night and returning to the seafloor in the day. While larvae can swim, they are still subject to the current and can be carried long distances. Adults retain their ability to swim, which is done by wriggling like an eel and in some cases, spinning around in a spiral fashion while moving forward. Unlike the larvae, adults spend most of their time buried in the substrate with only their heads exposed. They typically only emerge when mating or if disturbed.

(image: a diagram of the lancelet life cycle. source)

Because of their use as model organisms, humans have developed methods to keep and breed lancelets in captivity. The majority of research has been done on Branchiostoma lanceolatum, but several other species have been studied. Multiple species are endangered due to pollution and global warming. Several species are edible and can either be eaten whole or used as a food additive. In spring, when their gonads begin to develop for breeding season, they develop a bad flavor.

Mom: "we have garden eels at home". Garden eels at home:

(image: three lancelets sticking their heads out of the sediment)

Bannykus vs Ambopteryx

Factfiles:

Bannykus wulatensis

Artwork by @i-draws-dinosaurs, written by @i-draws-dinosaurs

Name meaning: Half claw from Wulatehouqi

Time: 113 to 100 million years ago (Albian stage of the Early Cretaceous)

Location: Bayin-Gobi Formation, Inner Mongolia, China

If there’s one group of dinosaurs that has most recently gained more fame among casual dinosaur fans it’s probably alvarezsauridae, elevated to stardom by the Mononykus that captured everyone’s hearts in Prehistoric Planet. The bizarre group of single-clawed maniraptorans has been studied for a while, but their evolutionary origins have fairly mysterious until recently. How did that whole giant thumb claw thing happen??

Published in 2018 alongside more basal alvarezsaur Xiyunykus, Bannykus helps to fill in a gap in that evolutionary pathway! More specifically, they help to fill in a 70 million year long gap between the primitive Late Jurassic Haplocheirus and the very end of the Cretaceous! Notably, Bannykus has a larger thumb claw that the rest of its claws, but the other fingers are at least partially functional instead of just nubbins. It’s a lot easier to see how the later alvarezsaurids got to where they are from here! Next time you lose your mind over the Mononykus from Prehistoric Planet (which I do at least weekly), say a thank you to the lil guy with slightly less weird hands. Thumbs up to Bannykus!

Ambopteryx longibrachium

Artwork by Gabriel Ugueto, written by @i-draws-dinosaurs

Name meaning: Both wings with long arms

Time: 163 million years ago (Callovian stage of the Middle Jurassic)

Location: Haifanggou Formation, China

Look, evolution has done a lot of weird stuff to dinosaurs. It put penguins underwater, and did whatever the hall mamenchisaurid necks are, and game lambeosaurs a built-in face trumpet. But I would argue there is one group that represents dinosaur evolution at its most unhinged, and that is scansoropterygidae.

Scansoriopterygids were generally considered “weird little tree dinosaurs” in the 2000s, with long fingers to pick grubs out of bark or something. Then Yi qi swept along in 2015 and revealed that those long fingers were actually supporting membranous bat wings. With an extra bony rod (the “styliform element”) sticking out of the wrist to help support it, because well if you’re a dinosaur evolving bat wings why bother being normal about it after that? Although really, the dinosaurs did it first so bats actually have dinosaur wings.

Yi was sensational, but it was also extremely weird and completely unique. Even other scansoriopterygids didn’t have wing membranes, so the whole bat thing was a bit up in the air. Or not up in the air, as the case may be. But then along comes Ambopteryx, published in 2019, packing another set of skin wings, and the vindication of Yi is complete! 

Ambopteryx preserves a styliform element and wing membrane, as well as a thick coat of feathers, and honestly out of a whole selection of dinosaurs I think these might be some of the most huggable in the lot. Obviously this whole wing membrane thing didn’t end up working out for them long term, but Ambopteryx is part of an incredible lineage that challenged what we thought was possible for dinosaurs!

DMM Round One Masterpost

I was reading some articles about the relatively recent creation of heritage listing for 20th century Chinese architecture, written by Chinese and white authors, and they just read as so colonial and cringe I actually wanted to cry. To prevent me from bursting into tears I produced a small rant.

One of the articles argued that architecture of the early PRC was inherently political because of the communist regime, but I immediately sensed something was off as the author did not pass a single comment about how most if not all architectural discourse and design during the Republican era was informed by Western colonialism, from the adoption of Western historicism and classicism, later a general desire to appear modern (whatever “modern” meant) to physical buildings being built by white architects or commissioned by white patrons for colonial purposes (e.g. missionary work). The authors acknowledged that those styles were “Western” and “foreign”, but no mention of the colonial is made. It’s like the authors recognized that something not indigenous to China was taking place, but failed to reflect on where that came from or the power dynamics it contained. I find it strange that they consider Chinese communism unnatural and something to be marked and taken note of, but Western colonialism is just a part of natural human order, and Western architecture built on Chinese soil is somehow inherently justified and apolitical.

Obviously I am not arguing that no foreign architecture could ever be erected on Chinese soil, quite the contrary, I would like to see more discourse that doesn’t falsely equate “foreign” with “Western”, and doesn’t shy away from identifying colonialism. I would love to read about contributions to Chinese architectural heritage made by non white and non Western architects, where and if they existed.

I am aware that structural racism in architectural theory is not a problem unique to Chinese academia, it is a core problem in Western architectural history itself. Many architectural historians take the term “modern” to mean “good” and “progressive” for granted, casting aside the mountain of evidence that shows early modernist theorists to be firm believers in racial science and racial hierarchies. (Viollet le Duc was close to Gobineau, a founding figure of scientific racism, and Adolf Loos famously argued that ornament was unacceptable for Western architecture because it belonged to peoples from a more “primitive” stage of evolution, like Papuans who tattooed their bodies) It would be an interesting discussion to have to see how this Eurocentric, white supremacist theoretical framework was transposed onto Chinese architects, how they negotiated their status as simultaneously colonized subjects and frequent participators in white supremacy themselves. Well, I guess that’s too much to expect from these particular authors.

One of the authors (not Chinese, for reference) claimed that the creation of this listing was of particular importance to China because we are a country that always wants to rewrite our own history. Aside from the implication that Western countries somehow do not manipulate their architectural histories to suit various purposes being honestly insulting to historians who analyze Western architectural history critically to expose structures of power, it is obvious to me that this comes from a tradition of anti-CCP discourse that reads like NPC dialogues, about an Orwellian society that manipulates its history blabla. History always bears the mark of whoever wrote it, you’re free to argue with their intentions but to pretend like only Chinese historians are politically charged sounds dubious and racist. My problem is not whether this is “true” or not, but rather how the author (and most other people when thinking of China) immediately starts to use this language like a knee jerk reaction. There are certain concepts about China that are intelligible in mainstream Western media and some that are not, and censorship and historical revisionism are two very intelligible ones, so no wonder the author automatically resorted to mentioning them. Their reactions says more about their preordained ideas about China than about China itself. Even though the author phrased it in a way that sounded like encouraging Chinese people to come to terms with history, their article was obviously not intended for a Chinese audience, so it had more power in conditioning English speaking Western readers on how to think about China.

The same author also used the term “cultural treasures” to describe Chinese architectural heritage, which sounded extremely patronizing as “treasure” implies something to be taken, waiting to be pillaged, something that exists outside of history. They could have just said architectural heritage, but that would make Chinese people sound too professional wouldn’t it?

All of the articles abuse the terms “traditional” and “ancient” in describing forms and aesthetics considered Chinese at the time, in contrast to Western classical or modernist features. I find the unironic employment of these terms extremely problematic, as the history and reality of Chinese architecture is simply too vast and complex to be reduced to a unifying style——similar to fashion history. Not to mention what they described as “traditional” or “ancient” would be more appropriately termed “historical”, “historicist” or “classical”. With that said, these terms do have some use as that was genuinely how many Chinese architects of the 20th century saw historical Chinese architecture, as an eternal, never changing mode containing some sort of national essence (which was a concept popularized by 19th century Western theorists mind you). I fully support the use of “traditional” and “ancient” with quotation marks, as it acknowledges that these terms were used by people who believed they had validity and acted in certain ways because of it, but also acknowledges that they are, in hindsight, not actually meaningful terms. The fact that the authors of the articles I read did not put them in quotation marks means they reiterated them rather than engaged with them critically.

Yeah no my vacation forays into architectural history are going well😅

Figured I give an overhauled description of the Shovelfolk, since the old one is so woefully short compared to most of my project's entries.

The Shovelfolk (Astutocentaurus alluvium) are a humble and diminutive people that are native to the Takara Plains. This means they originated from the same homeland as the Fauns, although they come from a much earlier radiation of the genus. It is estimated that the Shovelfolk, (or at the very least the cultural identity of the Shovelfolk) have been around for well over 3.8 million years, and they retain many ancestral traits that are otherwise lost in younger species. Prominent brow ridges, a broad muzzle, and a smaller braincase relative to body size indicate that they split off from other Astutocentaurus fairly early on, with little to no gene flow occurring with their contemporary sister species throughout their evolution. They also live a lot more conservatively than their other relatives, their societies being wholly tribal and clan-based rather than tribal-feudal, and they likely remained like this for millions of years. They rarely ever involve themselves in the matters of other species, and most of them are content with keeping to themselves in their homeland. For this reason, they are a very rare sight in Tinria or any other mixed-species settlements, and about 81% of their global population lives exclusively in the Takara Plains.

The life of the Shovelfolk is closely associated with the river and the ground beneath their feet. Their species name, alluvium, comes from their apparent close association with the Takara River, as their permanent settlements are often the largest near the river's banks. The name given to them by the other natives, however, comes from the prominence of handmade shovels in their cultures, which they use for both agriculture and to forage for food. Though this name sounds derogatory, the Shovelfolk do not see it this way, as they very much take pride in their mastery of their namesake tool. Having apparently lived such a way of life for so long has shaped their anatomies in more ways than just the retention of primitive characteristics. Unlike the earliest Astutocentaurus, which were plains-dwelling nomads equally capable on both solid ground and in the treetops, the Shovelfolk are semi-fossorial and sedentary, having evolved stouter, more muscular limbs and a smaller body size to allow them to crawl through narrow tunnels, and a slower metabolism that allows them to tolerate lower oxygen levels when digging particularly deep. They are also rather competant swimmers, which is a useful trait to have when living in or near bodies of water. They can still climb, but they are rather poorly suited for it compared to their cousins, and being less adept at running, they have doubled down on camouflage, their pelts being decked in black, white, and green stripes to break up their silhouettes in tall grasses. While they don't have thick, strong claws for digging, they compensate with their fairly liberal use of a wide variety of shovels, and their chin tusks are extra thick and sturdy to allow them to break apart packed, hardened soil and dried mud. Shovelfolk tend to be more crepuscular than their closest relatives, being mostly active in the morning and afternoon, while sleeping at midday and midnight. Their sexual dimorphism is also relatively inconspicuous. Both the men and women are nearly identical in terms of external characteristics, with no identifiable differences in tusk length or body dimensions outside of general individual variation. This means that, while they do have a concept of gender, gender identity itself holds very little significance in their cultures, and their men and women generally have an equal share of occupations. They are also remarkably long-lived by Astutocentaurus standards, with the oldest growing to be 150 years old.

Despite having a smaller brain size relative to body mass, the Shovelfolk are not by any means "less intelligent" than their more derived peers. Like many other cultures, they have both a spoken and written language, and they even have their own systems of measurement. All evidence suggests that their apparently primitive way of life is one they live by choice rather than consequence, and the fact that they retain such an atavistic anatomy is likely a result of this chosen conservatism. In fact, they are actually quite rich in their practices and traditions, and while their cultures are quite similar in their beliefs and values to each other due to a close proximity, they all have their own unique interpretations and versions of these ceremonies. One ceremony of note is the Spring Festival, in which they celebrate a successful growing period with a great party and a live performance to honor their fertility deities. Their technology, while primitive, is still fairly advanced by the standards of their lifestyle. They have managed to discover basic metallurgy fairly early on in their evolution, and often use it to forge tools such as shovel heads and sickles for their crops. They are also known to sift gold from the sediments of the river, which they then melt down to make piercings and jewelry. Metals such as iron are a bit harder to come by in their homeland, so such materials are typically gathered during annual pilgrimages to more metal-rich areas beyond the plains, namely active volcanoes. They also make tools out of plant-based bioplastics like most other advanced cultures, though their particular method is rather unusual. Rather than entirely melting down the plants into a melted plastic soup, they simply hold sticks and stems over an open flame to soften them, subsequently weaving them into shape like a sort of wicker. For their metal tools, they often make grips out of this plastic wicker, cutting cross-hatched marks on the surface for better friction.

Perhaps the most impressive aspect of the Shovelfolk culture is their architecture. Rather than building their homes above ground using traditional building materials, they quite literally dig and sculpt their homes out of the cliffs and hillsides of their river valley, forming maze-like subterranean communities. These underground villages are called "warrens", and they are rather similar to the underground cities in Cappadocia, Turkey, although rather than working with softer volcanic rock, the Shovelfolk have to bore through shale, limestone, dolomite, and sandstone. Since a warren can take literal centuries or even millennia to build, its size and complexity are often indicative of how old and well-established it is. Younger warrens appear fairly simple, consisting mostly of just small rock-carved cubbies arranged in neat rows, which are accessed via ladders and may or may not be interconnected internally. Older warrens, however, are much more baroque, with most of the vertical cliff being carved away to form elaborately sculpted entrances above ground, which lead to vast underground networks of interconnected rooms that fulfill a wide variety of amenities, including housing, food processing, and even education. Some of them even have living spaces designed to accommodate allied species (more on those guys later.) Not only have the Shovelfolk absolutely mastered their excavating techniques through this process, but they are known to have been building warrens like these since the First Iteration (3.8 MYA), back when they still retained a more lithe, cursorial build. Throughout deep time, they have been building warrens for so long that they have inadvertently terraformed the river valley itself, which has proven to be beneficial to both their descendants and the native wildlife. As older, abandoned warrens get eroded by the sands of time, they form smooth, rocky hills that can easily be scaled on foot, and abandoned underground tunnels are smoothed out to form intricate cave systems. This provides a larger amount of walkable ground for thirsty animals to access the river's drinkable water, and the tunnels (provided that they aren't filled up with dirt), are ideal for hibernating animals to sleep out the winter in. Furthermore, modern Shovelfolk are known to rediscover these fossilized warrens rather frequently, subsequently excavating and refurbishing them to reclaim as their own.

While the Shovelfolk live mostly outside of greater feudal society, they do have their fair share of alliances in the plains. They have managed to domesticate clawhogs, a species of pig-like Fauxungulate omnivores otherwise known for their foul temperament. They domesticated these creatures not for their meat, but for their keen ability to sniff out food, which has proven essential in foraging, as well as their eggs and urine which are both used in some of their cuisine. Almost in contradiction to their conservative lifestyle, the Shovelfolk have a very open-minded attitude towards other sophonts. They are on very good terms with the Plainers, a tribalistic ethnic group of Fauns that live a predominantly hunter-gatherer lifestyle, and upon meeting human explorers they were very quick to develop their very own English-based creole. Their most notable alliance, however, would likely be that which they formed with the grand Borean oliphaunts, which they tend to live in close association with and hold in high regard. Some of their cultures believe that they are great guardians created to protect their people, while others believe that they are demigods directly descended from their chief deity. Regardless of their perception, it isn't uncommon for Shovelfolk villages to have at least some degree of cohabitation with oliphaunts, with the latter often assisting their smaller comrades in tasks such as agriculture, construction, and even defense against rivals and predators. Unlike the relationship between men and beasts of burden, this is a dynamic that is very much mutual in nature, as both species are almost equally intelligent and directly exchange cultures and ideas with one another. Due to a long lifespan and the abundance of resources near the river, the Shovelfolk are usually pacifists, and they rarely ever declare war. They do construct weapons such as spears and knives, but these are used almost exclusively for self-defense against predators, as well as for hunting during the dry season when agriculture becomes less viable. In the rare cases in which they have declared war, however, they have been known to utilize their Oliphaunt allies as sapient war mounts, with some records even claiming that they would forge giant daggers for the latter to use as melee weapons.

With the Shovelfolk being around for well over 3.8 million years and the Oliphaunts being around even longer than that, not only have both species bore witness to all four previous iterations of societal and technological advancement on Athrymagaia, but both of them are among the very few cultures alive today that actually remember these ancient eras of prosperity, at least to some extent. Their own perception of these events has cemented itself within their cultures in the form of myths and legends, and while there are indeed fictitious elements in these tales, they are without a doubt directly inspired by the real-life setting and atmosphere of these times, as evidenced by the discovery of ancient technofossils that match the descriptions of some objects described in their mythos. For these reasons, scholars from across the continent often seek out these tribes to inquire about their myths, and often debate which elements of their stories can be correlated to real-world events. In particular, their retellings of the downfall of these old civilizations, while obviously dramatized to fantastical levels, have very dark implications about the real-life circumstances of these events.

A world without vertebrates: Myrmecos, the planet of the ants!

So, I've been looking for a solution to the question: Why did vertebrates fail to flourish on Myrmecos?

I think I have the answer: No Armored Fishes. If there were no armored fish then the Eurypterids would have continued to be apex predators longer. Some might have filled the hunting niche of early tetrapods. Arthropods were already on land, but you get a second wave.

The land gets built up with arthropods and fish are trapped in the seas!

And in this universe earth is the exception. Not only is earth far away from all of the other living planets it's one of the few with land vertebrates. The armored fish driving tetrapods on to land was a kind of ripple in the intended pattern. It threw everything off!

And just looking at The Dunk-- it is kind of unnatural, don't you think?

This also means that the ants will keep describing humans as "intelligent life from the sea" -- even as we keep explaining that everything came from the sea and it was a long time ago...

To them having a backbone means you are adapted to living in the water.

(I'm adding "Evolution of Ant" to my list of things to draw.)

It would be like one of those old-school natural history museum murals. Starting with single-celled life in the tidal pools of early Myrmecos, then the first multicellular life, then the first sea arthropods, then a momentous moment when a little crab creature first steps on land! Then the early insects, primitive solitary wasps with the glimmers of consciousness, eusocial insects discovering fire ... and at last ants! -----

Hmm it occurs to me reading about the history of human aviation and all of those people longing "to fly" might make ants very uncomfortable.

The ants have never had much fascination with flight. (Space is another matter.) Any queen or drone can fly. It's considered a sign of maturity to pull one's wings off and get on with life.

Flying has primitive, and also vaguely sexual connotations so all the documentaries about people like the Wright Brothers just make Humans sound hopelessly horny.

The Middle Temperocene: 150 million years + 1000 years post-establishment

Almost People: The Calliducynomorpha and Convergent Species

The Calliducyonidae are the third sophonts to arise on HP-02017, after the harmsters and the splintsters. Their rise to prominence, however, has been an incremental, gradual one, bit by bit as with all evolutionary processes, and as evolution is never a straight line, devoid of any definite goal except whatever survives for now, other branches of the overall taxonomic family--the Calliducynomorpha--emerged, diverged, and continue to persist.

These close taxonomic cousins of the true calliducyons, the Eucalliducyonidae comprised of the two species of southhounds and three species of northhounds and the multiple subspecies of each, range in various levels of intellectual prowess, representative of various rungs of the progression toward full sapience. Some are simpler near-sophonts, comparable to, in human terms, early hominids, others being highly-sophisticated but not quite sophonts, akin to great apes like chimpanzees, and others are simply instinctive animals just marginally more intelligent than the Earthly carnivorous mammals they share their niches with, the canids such as dogs and wolves. Thus a spectrum is formed, of various animals blurring the clear line between person and beast: and the true calliducyons, in their lore and culture, have percieved such beings in very different ways.

The closest living relative of the calliducyons is the saddled baskerville (Protocalliducyon primalis): a primitive species that diverged six million years ago from the common ancestor of the northern baskerville and southern baskerville that gave rise to the northhounds and southhounds, respectively. While still more closely related to the northhounds, the southhounds bear closer resemblance to this basal species, sharing their stocky builds, pack-hunting of large prey and highly-intelligent and empathetic behavior toward its fellows.

Saddled baskervilles are complex creatures: they care for their own kin, use tools to a more limited degree, are behaviorally flexible and adaptable, and even have a complex means of vocal communication. However, they are, compared to true calliducyons, simple and child-like, as their communications, loosely "stories", are merely descriptive events of actual experiences. They do not imagine, create folklore, philosophize about the nature of their world or grasp complex abstract concepts, and their language in comparison is far simpler. And unlike the true calliducyons, they are significantly more instinctive, and lack higher understanding of morality: engaging in such animalistic practices as killing the pups of rival packs, copulating with members of their close relation, or consuming their own feces-- all behaviors that their closer neighbors, the southhounds, find abhorrent.

Their more feral behaviors and amoral unpredictability has led to a deep rift between them and the southhounds, who typically do not welcome them in their territories, and see them as savages. Indeed, some packs of saddled baskervilles are known to become hostile to the southhounds, to which the southhounds are left to retaliate thusly. However, certain groups of southhounds, such as the darkears, admire them for their "purity and freedom", and their simpler ways. Some packs have even learned their simple words and call a truce with them--though these are limited interactions and not true conversations, and the two do not mingle due to their behavioral, biological, and mental differences.

Further down the line are the Paracalliducyonidae, a group of baskervilles which diverged even further back at about eight million years ago, and formed two distinct branches: the plainlupes and the falsehounds. These are even simpler beings than the near-sophont saddled baskerville, yet are still incredibly intelligent in animal standards: having flexible learned behaviors they pick up from social groups and experiences.

Plainlupes (Paracalliducyon spp.) are a wide genus of baskervilles with at least four species, ranging widely across most of South Ecatoria and are such encountered by both northhounds and southhounds alike. Smaller than either species of calliducyon, plainlupes are typically opportunistic and somewhat omnivorous, though not to the extent of the northhounds. This opportunism sometimes leads to conflict with their sophont relatives, particularly the highbrows, who know them as "voiceless-ones" who prey on their livestock, and their cultural impact is also evident in many northhound cultures, who fear them in belief that their primal attitudes and lack of self-awareness is somehow contagious, with superstition making them hostile against the plainlupes to avoid them being "taken of their minds" and become feral beasts like they are.

This opportunism has taken to a strange new degree with the falsehounds (Pseudocalliducyon spp.), which actively mimic the coloration and appearances of the brown northhounds: even possessing thicker fur on top of their heads to make their heads appear bigger. This evolved as a defense mechanism: as rival predators such as tigerillas and other lycanines quickly grew to recognize the danger posed by antagonizing the northhounds, capable of tool use, cooperation, intellect and planned retaliation against threats, they began to recognize their distinct appearance and steer clear of groups of them. This has been exploited by the falsehounds, who imitate their appearances and even behaviors, gripping sticks in their mouths even despite not actually knowing how to make and use weapons. But the bluff is enough to make even the largest tigerillas back away at least most of the time, not wanting to take the risk of being taken on by an enemy that will be determined to take them down if they harm any of them.

This mimicry, however, has led to some daring individuals actually attempting to sneak into northhound territories, with the intention of stealing food. They roll about near northhound latrines to take on their scent, then passively imitate their behaviors while discreetly sneaking to their food stores and raiding their stashes. Often, the impostor is caught and evicted, but not before they grab a few mouthfuls off of their meals, leading to many northhound tribes attempting to check their identities by specific vocal "passwords". As they do not understand complex language this is where most falsehounds are caught and chased away. Most northhounds are merciful to the falsehounds, seeing them merely as an annoyance and a trickster, content with simply driving them off until the falsehounds realize their cover is blown and they give up. But to the drysanders, ever so hostile to foreigners, they are seen as demons in false guises walking amongst people: and will not hesitate to kill the intruders upon exposing them: which in rare cases, has led to accidental lynchings of other fellow northhounds unfamiliar with their dialects and thus mistaken for falsehounds.

But not all relationships of the calliducyons with their feral brethren are hostile and aggressive. Some smaller calliducynomorphs, ones who pose little threat and are not competition, are even tolerated and adored by their sophont kin. One such example is the desert wildchild (Paedovulpecyon minimus), a fennec-like hunter in deserts, savannahs and grasslands, and is primarily an insectivore, hunting stinging insects as well as small duskmice and rattiles as well. They are different enough from the northhounds to not arise wariness, and their small, pup-like appearances has caused them to even appear endearing to them. The nomadic mixens, in particular, allow them to tag along in their packs, as they hunt small stinging insects that bother them and thus serve as vermin control, as well as amusement and companionship. To many other northhounds, however, this relationship is uncanny at best and uncomfortable at worst: though most distantly related to the true calliducyons among the Calliducynomorpha, the resemblance is still very much there--and to them, it is the equivalent of someone keeping tiny childlike people as pets.

But it is not only species that are of close kin to the calliducyons that incite such responses: many other, entirely unrelated non-sapient animals, through convergent evolution and coincidence, come to resemble the calliducyons themselves, be it in physical appearance and/or coloration. These species, different as they may seem, manage to evoke an uncanny sense of sameness to the calliducyons: and thus find a place in their folklore and culture, and form unconventional relationships, because of this resemblance.

One such case is the common folkmouse (Callidumimomys minimus), a small furbil species that is an otherwise unremarkable agouti-like herbivore that feeds on grasses, stems and seeds. But what makes it very distinctive is that its coloration, by chance, happened to resemble that of the brown northhounds: with the telltale dark mane, eye spots, pale ruffs, spotted colors and tufted ears that, together, create an appearance that very closely echoes the coloration of the northhounds. Small basal rodents such as furbils and duskmice form much of the northhounds' omnivorous diet: but the folkmouse is an exception. Many northhound beliefs see the folkmouse in different lights: some see them as "spirit kin", others see them as reincarnations of their ancestors, and still others see them as former northhounds that were cursed into turning into mindless diminutive creatures. Whatever their reason, the northhounds as a whole generally refrain from hunting and eating this particular species: and through accidental circumstance and the superstition of a sapient predator, the folkmouse has in essence evolved the most unusual of defensive colorations that have come to protect it from a very unorthodox hunter with rules of its own unlike those of nature.

A similar case applies to the ring-necked wolfface (Phocilycaenops cynocephalus), a member of the group of semi-marine bayvers called gnawruses: specialized to eating hard-shelled prey like shrish and notiluses, they developed blocky heads and squared-off snouts to help in pulverizing tough exoskeletons. Gregarious on the beach, they recognize one another through facial markings, most prominently pale spots above their eyes, and a ring of light and dark fur around their necks. This has given them a very uncanny and coincidental resemblance to the southhounds, which normally would hunt the pinniped-like creatures as they were vulnerable on the beach, in particular the baywulves who were coastal ranging and thus subsisted heavily on marine prey.

Naturally pattern-seekers, the baywulves quickly came to recognize the very similar faces and markings of the sea-beasts, especially when coupled with their defensive grunts and growls that sound much like their own vocalizations yet devoid of words or meaning. They, too, like the folkmouse, are spared the predation of the intelligent creature they so by chance happened to resemble, as baywulf culture has come to see them as guardians of the sea, and consider it a bad omen to harm or kill them. As such, while they do hunt other species of coastal bayvers, this species is off their list, with this cultural belief even providing some selective pressure toward those whose vocalizations sound more like southhound voices--to even further this uncanny resemblance and reduce their risk of being hunted by them.

Most noteworthy are the flyers, that bear resemblances to their faces and markings, as flight is seen as almost magical by the northhounds, and thus easily enter their folklore depicted as supernatural forces or physical manifestations of the spirits that govern the world. One such species, the wandergander known as the maned stormspirit (Ornithocyon tempestas), is widely revered as a holy creature by the northhounds, especially due to its propensity to fly ahead of storms to prey on marine life disturbed to the surface, and gathering after storms on the beach to feed on washed-up or trapped small prey. This, through confirmation bias, has led a number of northhound cultures to see them as either harbringers of storms, or actually causing the storms themselves, and as rain brings water and life they are viewed thus as incarnations of some of the spirits that guide the cycles of nature: with the mythical figure Storm-Chief, associated with the photosynthetic shroomor complex "Stormchief's Eyes", being depicted and described in lore as an immense maned stormspirit who challenged the gods themselves and was struck down for his hubris.

But resemblances to flying creatures take a darker turn in the deserts, where the falcyons, large predatory ratbats, scour the skies in search of prey. Their canine-like heads and similar markings have caused the drysanders to view and portray them as flying monsters with the heads of people: and none are as dreaded as the skewering harpshrike (Phobocynonyctus crucifigere), the species most closely resembling their own facial appearances: and also the species most likely to prey upon the drysanders' vulnerable pups. It is most dreaded by the northhounds in general due to its grim habits: storing the carcasses of its prey up in trees, it skewers them onto thorns and sharp branches to keep them out of reach of thieves, and to more easily take them apart into bite-size pieces for consumption. As such, the deserts are a common sight for the macabre spectacle of small, dessicated, skeletal and half-eaten carcasses decorating the branches of thorny trees: on occasion ones that may had been some unlucky pup out in the open at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

The existence of a diverse array of wildlife resembling themselves, some their own distant kin while others just being convergent animals that bear a coincidental resemblance to their own looks, has had a humbling effect on both northhounds and southhounds alike. Blurring the lines between being and brute, they view themselves not as a separate category of life, or a higher rung in the advancement of creatures. Rather, they both have come to see themselves as just another creature, just another piece in the puzzle of the world, as just another kind of animal as part of the world as anything else: made special solely by their capacity to tell stories, and make choices informed by them.

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Unknown class of water-rich asteroids identified New astronomical measurements in the infrared range have led to the identification of a heretofore unknown class of asteroids. An international research team including geoscientists from Heidelberg University has succeeded in characterizing these small planets using infrared spectroscopy. They are located in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter and are—similar to the dwarf planet Ceres—rich in water. According to computer models, complex dynamic processes shifted these asteroids from the outer regions of our solar system into today's asteroid belt shortly after their creation. With an equatorial diameter of approximately 900 kilometers, the dwarf planet Ceres is the largest object in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. Many other small planets orbit in this region as well. "These are the remains of the building materials from which the planets of our solar system were created four and a half billion years ago. In these small bodies and their fragments, the meteorites, we find numerous relics that point directly to the process of planet formation," explains Prof. Dr. Mario Trieloff from the Institute of Earth Sciences of Heidelberg University. The current study shows that the small astronomical bodies originate from all regions of the early solar system. By means of small bodies from the outer solar system, water could have reached the still growing Earth in the form of asteroids, because the building blocks of the planets in the inner solar system tended to be arid, according to Prof. Trieloff, who heads up the Geo- and Cosmochemistry research group. The new infrared spectra were measured by Dr. Driss Takir at the NASA Infrared Telescope facility at the Mauna Kea Observatory in Hawaii (U.S.). "The astronomical measurements permit the identification of Ceres-like asteroids with a diameter as small as 100 kilometers, presently located in a confined region between Mars and Jupiter near Ceres' orbit," explains Dr. Takir, astrophysicist at the NASA Johnson Space Center and lead author of the study. At the same time, the infrared spectra support conclusions as to the bodies' chemical and mineralogical composition. Just like Ceres, there are minerals on the surface of the discovered asteroids that originated from an interaction with liquid water. The small astronomical bodies are quite porous. High porosity is yet another characteristic shared with the dwarf planet Ceres and an indication that the rock material is still quite original. "Shortly after the formation of the asteroids, temperatures were not high enough to convert them into a compact rock structure; they maintained the porous and primitive character typical of the outer ice planets located far from the sun," explains Dr. Wladimir Neumann, a member of Prof. Trieloff's team. He was responsible for the computer modeling of the thermal development of the small bodies. The properties of these Ceres-like objects and their presence in a relatively narrow zone of the outer asteroid belt suggest that these bodies were first formed in a cold region at the edge of our solar system. Gravitational disruptions in the orbits of large planets like Jupiter and Saturn—or "giant planet instability"—changed the trajectory of these asteroids such that the objects were "implanted" in today's asteroid belt. This was demonstrated through numerical calculations performed by the researchers on trajectory developments in the early solar system. The results were published in Nature Astronomy. IMAGE....Implantation of planetesimals into the asteroid belt during the planets’ growth and dynamical evolution. Credit: Nature Astronomy (2023). DOI: 10.1038/s41550-023-01898-x

ALR!!! GN is fine with me!! 🦀🦀🦀

I would like a romantic matchup for twisted wonderland!!

Here's the matchup info:::

My personality is basically the epitome of a drunk dude in a fever dream, literal chaos itself. I am extremely weird, && basically alternate between a calm && rational person to a complete chaotic idiot. I am obsessed with crabs && spade cards! Literally all i talk about is crabs, in my mind it's only crabs.

((if you're okay with swearing))

I am one foul mouthed motherfucker, i have a habit of cursing, either regular swear words or the most absurd sounding swear words come out of my mouth. (E.G. : “you blithering feculent shithole” “primitive fuckjam” “putrid shitsmoking cretins” “you dickreeking undulating fuckass” “fucksquatting pain in the waste chute” “heinous ravaging trash" “reprehensible sanctimonious jitterfuckery.”) I am completely incapable of uttering a single word without fucking cursing. I also create weird mash of words like:: ("diddlesnob" "smiddlewat" etc.)

I have no mental filter whatsoever i say weird shit like::: ("you smell like carbonated cucumbers on a hot summer night" "what if i just shat out amoxicillin" "it tasted like Mario was inside of your ass himself with a blow-dryer" "that was the most toe-wetting knee-curling thing I've ever seen" && "this feels like crunchy water") complete crackhead shit

Alongside my weird swears i often say stuff like::: "If jumping jacks take turns while jumping, how is a water fountain like a solid desk?" "Why is a croquet set like a baseball club?? " && "If bacteria eat chicken legs but not candycanes, why does a lamppost achieve the theory of evolution????" Basically some twisted riddles && questions. What can I say? The confusion of others amuses me.

I also say "Nyeh" and "NYEHEHEHE" a lot. It is basically my signature laugh and confusion noise at this point!!!

I also have a permanent smile attached to my face! :]] Due to that and my overall personality my friend's call me "humanized remake of Cheshire Cat" Orr "Smiley bastard"

A/N: Thank youbfor your request! I certainly hope that you like it! I honestly had a lot of fun with this!🤣😊

I match you with.......

Floyd Leech

• You + Floyd = Chaos, that's literally the relationship right there.

• All jokes aside, this lanky eel boy LIVES for your random drunk guy every and makes matters even worse by hyping you up about it! He's never bored when you're around!

• We have poor azul pulling at his hair in the background and Jade between the edge of having a crisis of now having to deal with two Floyd's and laughing in amusement as Azul's own reactions.

• Your random sayings and strange choices of curse words always have him wheezing! He doesn't think he's had this much fun in years! Now he repeats your sayings and curses while he's at work and Azul is beating his head on the desk.

• Speaking of work, please come visit him! Not only is the temperamental eel in a much better mood when you're around, he also tends fo work a lot better. (He may or may no have been bribed that if he works hard and gets his hobs done, then he can leave early)

• You LOVE his squeezes! Floyd is so used to people running in thr direction opposite of which he is coming, and then there's you. You're running up to him fir squeezes, or yoh standat the end of the hallway with wide open arms which is all Floyd needs to come charging at you.

• Please come to his basketball games! And the practices, too! He will have a nice spare jersey just for you to wear and cheer him on. It does wonders, Ace and Jamil can verify this. Come every game, they can't loose.

• You'll still always be Shrimpy (given that Ace is Crabby), but he will indulge in your Crab addled brain.

• Swimming with him in his mer form is a must! Don't worry, he'll try not to drown you (though he makes no promises). This means late night swims at Octavinelle, in the pool, or any other deep body of water the two of you can find.

• When he does get into one of his moods, he doesn't really feel like doing anything. This means, either you're in his room or he's in yours and you're a tangled mess of limbs, either passed out asleep, or he's asleep and your combing through his hair (something he finds soothing), or your letting him rant and vent out anything that may be frustrating him.

• Being with Floyd means various things. You get the 'you hurt my brother and I'll make your death look like an accident' from Jade, the 'break his heart anf no amount of blackmail will keep you safe' from Azul, talks. Past the threats, they care deeply for Floyd, and don't want to see him hurt (even if they will never admit to it outloud). After that, you have two more people who would do anything to protect you.

• Overall, chaos energies collide and come together in this tooth rotting relationship. Floyd doesn't plan on letting you go any time soon. He'll He'll anything if it means protecting you.

Scientists have long known that tics, or involuntary movements, are a common occurrence among human beings. But a recent study has shed new light on the cause of these movements, revealing that they are actually an intertribal trait that has been passed down from our early human ancestors, including the neanderthals.

The study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, examined the presence of tics among different modern-day human populations and compared it with the genetic makeup of our human ancestors. The researchers found that tics were more prevalent among populations with higher levels of neanderthal DNA, suggesting that these movements were inherited from our extinct cousins.

This discovery may come as a surprise to many, as neanderthals are often portrayed as a brute and primitive species. But recent research has shown that they were actually quite sophisticated and had many similarities to modern humans. And now, it seems that tics are just one of the many traits that we share with our neanderthal ancestors.

But why would tics be an intertribal trait? The researchers suggest that tics may have had a role in early forms of communication and social cohesion between tribes. In a time when verbal communication was limited, physical movements would have been an important means of communication. Tics may have helped individuals within a tribe to establish a sense of unity and common identity, and also helped with social interactions between different tribes.

So, what does this mean for coaches who may have tics? First, it's important to understand that tics are a normal and natural part of human behavior. They are not a sign of weakness or inferiority. In fact, they may have served an important role in our evolution and survival as a species.

Coaches should also be aware that tics may occur more frequently in athletes with higher levels of neanderthal DNA. This does not mean that these athletes are less capable or less intelligent, but rather that they have inherited a physical trait that may manifest in the form of tics.

It's also important for coaches to create an inclusive and understanding environment for athletes with tics. This may mean educating the team about the genetic basis of tics and their role in human evolution. Coaches can also work with these athletes to find strategies for managing their tics in a way that doesn't impact their performance.

In conclusion, tics may be an intertribal trait that has been passed down from our neanderthal ancestors. While they may seem like a strange and sometimes disruptive behavior, it's important to remember that they helped shape our evolution as a species. Coaches should embrace and support athletes with tics, understanding that they are a natural and normal part of being human.

Nintendo's Home Console Legacy of Powerhouses and Flops

For many gamers, myself included, our first real brush with interactive storytelling came courtesy of Nintendo and the venerable Nintendo Entertainment System. Mario Bros., Donkey Kong, Legend Of Zelda; these titles weren’t just names or logos stamped onto cartridges – they were doorways into entirely new universes filled with unforgettable characters, challenging quests, and epic battles. And while gameplay and narratives have undoubtedly made leaps and bounds since then, there remains something inherently charming about those early pixelated graphics which continue to hold sway over nostalgia lovers everywhere.

The progression of graphical fidelity throughout Nintendo’s history is more than merely interesting; it serves as a testament to human ingenuity and determination, proving time again that we always strive for better, faster, stronger. From the rudimentary blocky sprites of yesteryear to today’s near-photorealistic visuals, let us embark on a journey down memory lane, tracing the evolution of pixels through four decades of the company that redefined home consoles as we know them.

The opening act of this grand spectacle took place in 1983 when the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) hit shelves across North America. Featuring an array of 8-bit titles such as Super Mario Brothers, Duck Hunt, and Excitebike, players found themselves transported to fantastical lands inhabited by mustachioed plumbers, anthropomorphic dogs, and other equally bizarre denizens. Although the graphics may seem primitive by modern standards, there was nonetheless a certain charm to the simplistic designs and vibrant colors which helped the system fit in on toy shelves - an integral part of its successful marketing strategy.

Fast forward a few years later to 1991, when Nintendo unveiled its next big thing: the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES). Boasting 16-bit graphics and an expanded color palette, this new kid on the block quickly became home to some of gaming's most beloved titles - Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana, Earthbound. With twice the horsepower under the hood compared to its predecessor, developers could now craft more detailed worlds teeming with life. 

Characters no longer resembled flat sprites but rather moved like claymation figures brought to life. Backgrounds boasted parallax scrolling layers that added depth previously unheard of in home consoles. It wasn't just about looks either; games such as F-Zero showcased SNES's then-revolutionary Mode 7 scaling effects which allowed for "realistic" planes on which science fiction vehicles could speedily race. And lest we remember the most impressive upgrade of all: the humble SuperFX chip. Although this chip was provided by the cartridge and not the system, it allowed such visual spectacles as Star Fox to grace our retinas.

We must remember that not every technological leap was met with success. Unfortunately this means that we have to talk about the Virtual Boy... Released in 1995 amidst much fanfare thanks largely due in part to hype surrounding "Virtual Reality"  and Nintendo's unwavering belief that 3D gaming was the future, this infamous flop proved too ambitious for its time. Featuring a cumbersome headset complete with red tinted displays, players found themselves greeted by blurry wireframe worlds prone to inducing headaches rather than immersion. Lackluster game support didn't help matters either; only twenty-two titles ever saw release across multiple regions before production ceased prematurely two years later – effectively marking an end (for then) to Nintendo's foray into VR/AR space until Switch’s Labo VR came along decades later.

Enter the Nintendo 64 (N64), which launched in 1996 and single-handedly redefined what home consoles were capable of graphically speaking. With a 64-bit processor based on the cutting-edge (for the time) Silicon Graphics R4300i processor, games like Super Mario 64 and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time showcased worlds that looked almost realistic by comparison to previous generations, thanks to their newfound third dimension and polygonal models. Suddenly players could explore Hyrule or prance around Peach's Castle without being confined to side-scrolling limitations! While textures remain rudimentary (though the N64 did boast Gouraud shading,) at launch these titles were nothing short of revolutionary – opening up entirely new possibilities for game designers who no longer needed to rely on strictly 2D playgrounds for their creations to shine brightest.

Nintendo's sixth-generation console, the GameCube, released in 2001 and signaled a departure from their traditional cartridge-based media format in favor of mini-DVDs. Although a commercial flop compared to competitors Xbox and PlayStation 2, it boasted some visual gems like Metroid Prime and F-Zero GX. The latter especially pushed the hardware to its limits with a smooth framerate of 60 frames per second and photo realistic tracks that still hold up today!

Despite being underpowered on paper when compared to Microsoft’s Xbox or Sony’s PS2 consoles, Nintendo managed to squeeze every ounce out of their mini disc technology thanks largely due to proprietary Dolphin GPU developed by ArtX (now part of AMD). Features such as trilinear filtering helped smoothen textures while lighting effects courtesy of real time shadows added an air authenticity not seen before on home systems at that point in time – all without sacrificing frame rate stability so crucial for twitch based genres like racing games or first person shooters alike!

Nintendo's Wii, released in 2006, ushered in a new era of gaming with its innovative motion controls and family-friendly appeal. Although the console itself was underpowered compared to its competitors, it more than made up for it with sheer ingenuity and accessibility. While many of the titles released during this generation favored gameplay over graphics, standouts like Super Mario Galaxy showcased that even with less horsepower, developers could still create visually stunning experiences. The cartoonish visuals and whimsical worlds are just as charming today as they were back then.

However, the Wii marked a turning point for Nintendo: sacrificing raw processing power for unique gameplay mechanics would become their calling card moving forward. This approach alienated some hardcore gamers but won them droves of casual fans who might have otherwise been intimidated by other systems on the market at that time. Graphics took a backseat to accessibility – an ethos which continues to this day.

Nintendo's Wii U, released in 2012, is a prime example of a console ahead of its time. While it was a commercial flop due to the lackluster third-party support and confusion over its tablet-like controller (a precursor to the more successful Switch), there were some graphical gems hidden among the rubble. Titles like The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild demonstrated that Nintendo could still deliver visually stunning experiences when they set their minds to it. It also marked the introduction of HD visuals for most first party games, which were sorely needed at this point in gaming history!

However, it wasn't until their next system that Nintendo would truly revolutionize both graphics and gameplay.

Enter the Nintendo Switch, a hybrid console released in 2017 that managed to breathe new life into both handheld and home gaming. As of today, it's been their most successful system since the Wii – no small feat considering stiff competition from two generations of Microsoft's Xbox and Sony's PlayStation consoles.

Graphically speaking, titles like The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (and later Tears of the Kingdom) showcased just how far Nintendo has come since the days of 8-bit sprites and monochromatic palettes. With crisp HD visuals (docked) or upscaled 720p resolution (handheld), games look better than ever before on a portable device thanks to NVIDIA's custom Tegra X1 SoC chip found within its diminutive frame. The Joy-Con controllers introduced innovative motion controls reminiscent of the Wii but refined for more accurate input tracking perfect for games such as Nintendo Switch Sports, Ring Fit Adventure, or 1-2-Switch minigames alike!

With an impressive lineup including first party mainstays like Mario Kart 8 Deluxe alongside indie darlings like Hollow Knight, there's something for everyone here regardless of preference or age group.

As we eagerly await Nintendo's next move in the form of their rumored Switch successor, recent patents have hinted at a possible return to dual-screen gaming à la the DS days. If history has taught us anything, it's that Nintendo never ceases to innovate even when seemingly down for the count. While details remain scarce, one thing is certain: graphical leaps will undoubtedly play second fiddle to gameplay innovation and sheer creativity – hallmarks of any Nintendo product. With luck, this new system will build upon its predecessor's successes by refining existing features such as Joy-Con motion controls while potentially introducing a new gimmick that sets the world on fire.

In conclusion, Nintendo may not always be first but they certainly don't disappoint when it comes to pushing boundaries both technologically and more importantly, creatively speaking too. Here's hoping that the next console rides the momentum of the Switch's success and provides years of entertainment to fans old and new alike!

Stone Age pussy

You KNOW that Stone Age pussy would hit fucking DIFFERENT.

First of all, people think of these “cavemen” (not even an accurate term) as savages, when nothing could be further from the truth. They had their own cultures,  customs, languages, etc. And they weren’t brainless idiots going “grug ugga ug”, they were much more intelligent than popular culture portrays them as - I mean, these guys are the reason we have a civilisation. Meaning that, as long is you could get over the language barrier (and if you have a time machine to take you back to the Stone Age, then you probably can) you could theoretically develop relationships with them.

Really, they’re not so different from today’s humans, they just look a little different and aren’t as educated. But what they may lack in smarts (but, I repeat, NOT in culture), they make up for in physical ability. To hunt wild beasts, they need to be strong, and only the strongest survive, but not just the strongest, the smartest and fastest get favoured by evolution as well. And even the Stone Age women have to be tough - it’s hard living in primitive conditions. So they’d be pretty fit.

What’s more, there’s none of the troubles of modern life - they don’t worry about rent, or the internet, or anything. They’re pretty much carefree.

And reproduction is pretty high up on a Neolithic human’s priorities, you need to make sure the tribe survives after all, so you bet that they’d be dtf. You might be fucking your distant ancestor, but that just makes it wilder, and it doesn’t count as inbreeding if there’s more than 3 generations of separation.

Now, you may be asking “what about diseases? Surely fucking an early human would be unhygienic?” Well once again, you’re biased by the mainstream media into thinking they were unwashed animals. They knew how to take care of their fucking health and hygiene.

And you know how I said that they were primitive? Well, they’re intelligent enough to adapt, so you could teach your New Stone Age family to live in the future, while still maintaining their culture which made them unique from other people. Hence why a Stone Age chick would be the greatest and craziest fuck of your life. God, I wish I had a Stone Age gf.

Phil could stand this no longer

Phil could stand this no longer. With a whoop and a bound (he had just won the long jump in his college sports) he cleared the broad ditch, and alighted clean in the meadow round which they were tramping.

‘ Why,’ he cried, as a second bound brought him back again to the side of his Venerable friend, ‘ at that rate we should want at least a hundred works, I suppose in ten volumes each, or a thousand volumes in all, cram full of gritty facts of no good to any one. All this week I have been entering in my note-book such bits as this: — “ Ecgfrith marched to a place called the Hoar Apple-Tree. It is not known where this is, or why he went there. He left it the next day, and neither he nor it are ever mentioned again in the chronicles.” What is the good to me of knowing that? ’ he asked, as if a cheeky freshman was likely to put the Reverend iethelbald into a tight place.

‘ Bad, bad! ’ said the tutor, who began to fear that he was wasting his time on Phil, ‘ you will never be a credit to your college if you can make game of “truth” like that ! One would think a young man who hoped to do something would care to know a few true facts about his English forbears a thousand years ago. But the question is not what you care to know, but what you ought to know; and every Englishman ought to know every word in the Saxon Chronicle, to say nothing of the rest daily sofia tour.

Nor is it a question at all about your thousand volumes of history, the bulk of which deal with “periods” that do not concern you at all. Your thousand volumes, too, is a very poor estimate after all. You would find that not ten thousand volumes, perhaps not a hundred thousand volumes, would contain all the truths which have ever been recorded in contemporary documents, together with the elucidations, comments, and various amplifications which each separate truth would properly demand.’

‘ But at this rate,’ said the freshman gloomily, ‘ I shall never get beyond Ecgfrith and the other break-jaw Old- English sloggers. When we come up to Oxford we never seem to get out of an infinite welter of “origins” and primitive forms of everything.

I used to think the Crusades, the Renascence, Puritanism, and the French Revolution were interesting epochs or movements. But here lectures seem to go round and round the Mark-system, or the aboriginal customs of the Jutes. We are told that it is mere literary trifling to take any interest in Richelieu and William of Orange, Frederick of Prussia, or Mirabeau and Danton. The history of these men has been adequately treated in very brilliant books which a serious student must avoid. He must stick to Saxon charters and the Doomsday Survey.’

‘Of course, he must,’ said the tutor, ‘if that is his “period” — and a very good period it is. If you know how many houses were inhabited at Dorchester and Brid- port at the time of the Survey, and how many there had been in the Old-English time, you know something definite. But you may write pages of stuff about what smatterers call the “philosophy of history,” without a single sentence of solid knowledge. When every inscription and every manuscript remaining has been copied and accurately unravelled, then we may talk about the philosophy of history.’

‘ But surely,’ said Crichtonius mirabilis, ‘you don’t wish me to believe that there is no intelligible evolution in the ages, and that every statement to be found in a chronicle is as much worth remembering as any other statement? ’

Reverend Aithelbald dogmatically

‘You have got to remember them all,’ replied the Reverend Aithelbald dogmatically, ‘ at any rate, all in your “period.” You may chatter about “evolution” as fast as you like, if you take up Physical Science and go to that beastly museum; but if you mention “evolution” in the History School, you will be gulfed — take my word for it! I daresay that all statements of fact—true statements I mean — may not be of equal importance; but it is far too early yet to attempt to class them in order of value. Many generations of scholars will have to succeed each other, and many libraries will have to be filled, before even our bare materials will be complete and ready for any sort of comparative estimate. All that you have to do, dear boy, is to choose your period (I hope it will be Old-English somewhere), mark out your “claim,” as Californian miners do, and then wash your lumps, sift, crush quartz, till you find ore, and don’t cry “ Gold! ” till you have had it tested.’

This was a hard saying to his Admirable young friend, who felt like the rich young man in the Gospel when he was told to sell all that he had and to follow the Master. ‘ I have no taste for quartz-crushing,’ said he gloomily; ‘what I care for are Jules Michelet on the Middle Ages, Macaulay’s pictures of Charles 11. and his court — (wonderfull scene that, the night of Charles’s seizure at Whitehall!) — Carlyle on Mirabeau and Danton, and Froude’s Reformation and Armada. These are the books which stir my blood. Am I to put all these on the shelf? ’

Phil could stand this no longer

Phil could stand this no longer. With a whoop and a bound (he had just won the long jump in his college sports) he cleared the broad ditch, and alighted clean in the meadow round which they were tramping.

‘ Why,’ he cried, as a second bound brought him back again to the side of his Venerable friend, ‘ at that rate we should want at least a hundred works, I suppose in ten volumes each, or a thousand volumes in all, cram full of gritty facts of no good to any one. All this week I have been entering in my note-book such bits as this: — “ Ecgfrith marched to a place called the Hoar Apple-Tree. It is not known where this is, or why he went there. He left it the next day, and neither he nor it are ever mentioned again in the chronicles.” What is the good to me of knowing that? ’ he asked, as if a cheeky freshman was likely to put the Reverend iethelbald into a tight place.

‘ Bad, bad! ’ said the tutor, who began to fear that he was wasting his time on Phil, ‘ you will never be a credit to your college if you can make game of “truth” like that ! One would think a young man who hoped to do something would care to know a few true facts about his English forbears a thousand years ago. But the question is not what you care to know, but what you ought to know; and every Englishman ought to know every word in the Saxon Chronicle, to say nothing of the rest daily sofia tour.

Nor is it a question at all about your thousand volumes of history, the bulk of which deal with “periods” that do not concern you at all. Your thousand volumes, too, is a very poor estimate after all. You would find that not ten thousand volumes, perhaps not a hundred thousand volumes, would contain all the truths which have ever been recorded in contemporary documents, together with the elucidations, comments, and various amplifications which each separate truth would properly demand.’

‘ But at this rate,’ said the freshman gloomily, ‘ I shall never get beyond Ecgfrith and the other break-jaw Old- English sloggers. When we come up to Oxford we never seem to get out of an infinite welter of “origins” and primitive forms of everything.

I used to think the Crusades, the Renascence, Puritanism, and the French Revolution were interesting epochs or movements. But here lectures seem to go round and round the Mark-system, or the aboriginal customs of the Jutes. We are told that it is mere literary trifling to take any interest in Richelieu and William of Orange, Frederick of Prussia, or Mirabeau and Danton. The history of these men has been adequately treated in very brilliant books which a serious student must avoid. He must stick to Saxon charters and the Doomsday Survey.’

‘Of course, he must,’ said the tutor, ‘if that is his “period” — and a very good period it is. If you know how many houses were inhabited at Dorchester and Brid- port at the time of the Survey, and how many there had been in the Old-English time, you know something definite. But you may write pages of stuff about what smatterers call the “philosophy of history,” without a single sentence of solid knowledge. When every inscription and every manuscript remaining has been copied and accurately unravelled, then we may talk about the philosophy of history.’

‘ But surely,’ said Crichtonius mirabilis, ‘you don’t wish me to believe that there is no intelligible evolution in the ages, and that every statement to be found in a chronicle is as much worth remembering as any other statement? ’

Reverend Aithelbald dogmatically

‘You have got to remember them all,’ replied the Reverend Aithelbald dogmatically, ‘ at any rate, all in your “period.” You may chatter about “evolution” as fast as you like, if you take up Physical Science and go to that beastly museum; but if you mention “evolution” in the History School, you will be gulfed — take my word for it! I daresay that all statements of fact—true statements I mean — may not be of equal importance; but it is far too early yet to attempt to class them in order of value. Many generations of scholars will have to succeed each other, and many libraries will have to be filled, before even our bare materials will be complete and ready for any sort of comparative estimate. All that you have to do, dear boy, is to choose your period (I hope it will be Old-English somewhere), mark out your “claim,” as Californian miners do, and then wash your lumps, sift, crush quartz, till you find ore, and don’t cry “ Gold! ” till you have had it tested.’

This was a hard saying to his Admirable young friend, who felt like the rich young man in the Gospel when he was told to sell all that he had and to follow the Master. ‘ I have no taste for quartz-crushing,’ said he gloomily; ‘what I care for are Jules Michelet on the Middle Ages, Macaulay’s pictures of Charles 11. and his court — (wonderfull scene that, the night of Charles’s seizure at Whitehall!) — Carlyle on Mirabeau and Danton, and Froude’s Reformation and Armada. These are the books which stir my blood. Am I to put all these on the shelf? ’