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tmpestuous · 2 years

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Six Days

Summary: You make the effort to avoid Bucky during a mission after he upsets you in an argument, but things quickly take a turn for the worse.

Pairing: bucky x avenger!reader

Word count: 4k

Warnings: fluff, angst, slight mentions of torture/hydra experimentation, blood, canon level violence, hurt!reader, sad!bucky

a/n: welcome to my first (real) post! i haven’t written in a long time so my apologies if this is a bit rusty. this was inspired by an excerpt on a post i saw and decided to turn it into a prompt:

“He held her face in his hands.

‘Do you think I care about anything but you?’”

You were on edge.

This was the first mission in a long time where you hadn’t spent the night before with Bucky, wrapped in the warmth of each other’s arms, and waking up with another before heading off. Your regular routine almost happened. It would have happened if it hadn’t been for the argument that happened just about five minutes before you were ready for bed, an argument you deemed unnecessary and frustrating the second you stormed out of Bucky’s room and back into the one you barely spent any time in anymore.

Not having that routine definitely threw you off your game. After dealing with a restless night and a series of tosses and turns, you decided to just stay up until you had to leave.

Biggest mistake you could have ever made, you thought.

You packed everything you needed and, first thing in the morning, walked straight into the kitchen to fill up a thermos with a lot more coffee than you’d ever drink on a normal day before heading off to the quinjet launchpad without a word. Everyone else eyed you as you walked out; your usual, greeting nature was replaced by a silent one, a sight no one had seen since you first joined the Avengers. Once you exited, everyone’s eyes quickly turned to Bucky who had walked in just as silent. Though it was less rare for Bucky to avoid conversation, the two of you being separate was the clear elephant in the room.

Bucky looked up to meet everyone’s gazes on him, his brows furrowing immediately in annoyance.

“What’s the problem?”

“Something going on between you and Y/n?” Sam asked without hesitation. He beared witness to the entirety of your relationship with Bucky, especially since he was often assigned to missions with the both of you. If anyone could tell something was off, it’d be him.

“She’ll get over it,” Bucky replied monotonously before also heading out to the launchpad, everyone else straggling out shortly after.

You were already sitting in your normal seat inside of the quinjet, scrolling absentmindedly on your phone to distract yourself from the eyes that would eventually fall on you as you heard everyone else approaching.

Though you were still angry, Bucky was not. In fact, he was more angry with himself than he was with you. He didn’t even think he was upset with you at all, but he was convinced you thought otherwise.

Finishing a shower after an intense sparring session had never felt better to you.

You had been with the Avengers for about two years now, picking up on more useful ways to use your fighting abilities rather than always being so destructive. Old members of Hydra, who decided they wanted to somehow reinstate and resolidify the organization, had taken you–along with more people than you could count on both of your hands–to be experimented on with a serum similar to the ones used on Bucky and Steve. After managing to escape, you had definitely lost a piece of yourself. It took a while to warm up to the thought of fighting alongside such honorable people, but after two years, you had found your home.

The first year and a half was strictly training and shadowing anyone who had gone on a mission. You were eager to prove yourself as being part of the team, and in the last six months, Steve and Tony had agreed to allow you to not just shadow missions, but be part of them. You had just finished mission 26 as being “part of the team” two days ago, and Steve had stopped you before your workout with Natasha to let you know that he thinks you might be able to do your first solo mission.

That news definitely kicked your motivation into overdrive during sparring. Natasha’s never been one to go easy on you, per your own request, and was riding on a 10-0 streak against you.

That streak got broken fairly quicker than she had expected.

Upon finishing your workout, you were most excited to tell Bucky the news. He had been there the whole ride to see just how hard you’ve worked to get to where you are today, especially sharing the experience of being under Hydra and struggling to use your abilities for the right reasons.

But for some reason, things just didn’t go as you expected.

And it hurt. Really hurt.

Bucky stepped on the jet and gave you a quick glance. Everyone else had taken their usual seat, meaning the only one available was the one he always took right next to yours. He sighed deeply to himself before sitting down, seeing you immediately cross your arms across your chest from his peripheral vision.

This was definitely going to be a long trip.

You didn’t say a word to him the entire ride. Not even so much as a shoulder or thigh touch. You kept your stoic nature for all of the ten hours you were sat next to him.

Bucky was losing his patience, and the only person he blamed was himself. This might have been the first day in the year and some months that you’ve been together that you hadn’t said a single word to him, and it was eating him alive.

It was most definitely eating you alive too, but you couldn’t get the argument you two had out of your head.

Bucky was starting to pack his things when you had walked into his room, his attention quickly diverting to the door and onto you, shooting you a soft smile.

“You’re back already?” He asked, knowing you always took a hefty moment to yourself to relax after sparring with Natasha.

“You are now looking at the woman with a singular victory against Agent Natasha Romanoff,” you said confidently with a playful victory bow, making Bucky chuckle as he stood up and made his way over to you.

Standing up straight to look up at him, Bucky cupped your face in his hands and kissed your forehead. “I’m so very proud of you, baby,” he said with his lips grazing yours that had just pulled into a small smile.

“I also might have really good news,” you said in an eager tone, which Bucky noticed and loved immediately.

“What’s the good news?” He asked right away as he wrapped his arms around your waist, wanting to hear your excitement. After seeing you have so many losses, with yourself and others, he knew you took every win very seriously. You reminded him of himself when he first joined the Avengers as well, and knew just how difficult it was to adjust and get even just a glimpse of triumph.

“Steve pulled me aside today and said he thinks I might be ready for solo missions,” you responded as you wrapped your arms around Bucky’s neck. “He saw how well I did during the last mission and wants to see how I do alone. He just wants Tony to agree first.”

Bucky’s face dropped slightly. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked rather than answering his question, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

Of course you thought you were ready. You had prepared long enough for this and knew you could take on the challenge. You also thought that Bucky of all people would be able to recognize that and agree.

“You’ve only been on 26 missions, honey,” he contested. “It took me a lot longer than that before I was even able to handle a mission with just Sam.”

“So you think that I can’t go on a mission by myself because it took you longer to adjust than it took for me?” you asked incredulously as you pulled out of Bucky’s grasp and took a few steps back.

Bucky ran his hands over his face in frustration. He knew just how stubborn you were; he had seen it mission after mission and debrief after debrief. You were never one to stand down from defending yourself and your decisions. However, you had never been so persistent with him over anything beyond a playful dispute between the both of you.

“You know that’s not what I meant, Y/n, so can we table this conversation and go to bed?” he bargained with you softly.

You scoffed. “You just patronized me by implying that I’m incapable of handling a mission on my own and you want me to ‘table the conversation’?”

Given your tenacious anger, you knew it’d be best to not say anything at all until you felt a lot calmer about the situation. You had surely pondered if you were just overreacting, but Bucky’s words still hurt you.

He was never one to patronize you or make you feel like you couldn’t do something. In fact, it had always been the opposite. To hear that he felt you were incapable of taking on something you felt you were ready for had stung you harder than any other accusation ever thrown at you. He was the man you loved, the one person on the team who you trusted the most, and he thought you were unprepared.

So you avoided him. The jet landed and you gathered your things and walked right past him. You got lucky that Clint couldn’t come on the mission anymore and you could take his room so you wouldn’t be stuck with Bucky for the entire week.

Bucky had felt like he was stabbing himself in the chest. He couldn’t sleep the entire night. This seemed to be a mission of firsts for the both of you, including the first time you were both on a mission and slept in different rooms since you’ve been together.

The next morning, Bucky felt he made it worse. He wandered over to your room before it was time to meet everyone else, knocking on the door loud enough for you to hear it but not make himself obvious in the hallway.

You opened the door, looking right at him though Bucky felt like you were looking through him.

“Can we talk?” he pleaded softly. “I know this isn’t the best timing—”

“Then maybe we should wait until we get back, don’t you think?” you interrupted, your voice a bit raspy from the lack of communication with anyone.

“I can’t think straight on a mission knowing that you’re upset with me, baby,” he said, a slight tremor in his voice. You knew he didn’t want to upset you, but you also didn’t want to direct your anger towards him. It was the one thing you had both promised to each other. “Please?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Bucky,” you replied sternly, your use of his name feeling like a knife through his back. “Can we just do this after?”

He nodded, not wanting to prod you any further than your limit. He whispered a soft “okay” before walking back to his room.

That was the last you spoke to each other before everything happened.

Your mission started off smoothly. You were paired up with Steve, who wanted to monitor you a bit closer while on a mission to further confirm his confidence in you. He also didn’t want to pair you with Bucky when you had tension with each other, wanting the mission to go successfully and without distractions.

You and Steve would take the fifth and sixth floor of the building to locate the files you needed to extract. Natasha would take the third and fourth floor, Bucky and Sam the first and second. Tony would be eyeing the outside perimeter for extra threats and also spotting Natasha a helpful eye, though everyone knew she could handle herself well.

After fighting off a few straggling guards, you found the file you needed. The only problem was the faint beep, beep, beep you heard somewhere in your vicinity. Steve was keeping watch outside, fighting off the backup that was eventually called when they realized you were here. You couldn’t locate where the sound was coming from, but you knew it wasn’t a good one.

“Hey, Steve, you busy?” you said, the hint of fear in your voice.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, hearing your tone. You could hear his shield bouncing off the walls as he responded.

“I’m hearing a beeping noise from in here and I can’t find it at all,” you said as you kept tearing the room apart carefully, not trying to accidentally trigger anything.

“What do you think it is, Agent?” he asked, and you knew he was trying to turn this into some sort of test like your life wasn’t probably at risk.

“The only possibility is an explosive of some sort,” you responded, trying to hide the irritation in your voice from still being monitored on a mission like a child. “I can’t really make out where it’s coming from and it’s nowhere that I’ve searched in the entire room, so it’s probably hidden somewhere.” The beeping then started at a quicker pace, only making your nerves go into overdrive.

“I’ll finish up out here and then help y—”

Boom.

“Rogers? Y/l/n?” Tony spoke anxiously into comms.

“What the hell was that, Tony?” Bucky asked immediately, not liking the tone in his voice while he said both yours and Steve’s names.

“Explosion on floor five. Rogers and Y/l/n aren’t responding.”

“Y/n? Steve?” Sam tried to reach out. Nothing.

“All I’m getting is static, guys,” Natasha chimed in. “I’m headed up.”

Bucky jolted into the staircase, running faster than he could even process. He eventually caught up with Natasha, Tony and Sam both flying in from either side of the building to the fifth floor. The entire floor was filled with smoke, though the hallway was a bit clearer than the room you had been in alone.

Natasha caught a glimpse of Steve, who was thankfully conscious, as he tried to lift himself up with a a cough to expel the smoke from his lungs. Tony helped him up and Steve immediately caught Bucky’s eyes, filled with anxiety he hadn’t seen in him in a while. He then looked at the door and Bucky understood that you were in there.

He knocked the door in with no hesitation, though something was blocking his entry. Steve and Tony made their way over to help him push the door, moving the cabinet that had been flung across the room with the impact of the explosion. Bucky slipped through the door, blue eyes scattering across the room until he saw your hand sticking out from behind some debris. Using his metal arm to lift up the equipment that had fallen on top of you, he moved it over to the side before kneeling in front of you. He noticed the large piece of shrapnel sticking into your abdomen, a fairly large blood stain tainting your suit and your breaths extremely shallow.

Your eyes were half open as they landed on him, though your body desperately wanted to fall out of consciousness.

“Hey, honey, I’m here,” he said as your eyes glossed over.

You felt too weak to talk, it hurt just to breathe with the impeding metal in your stomach. The one moment you wanted to say something to him and you couldn’t.

“I’m here, okay? We’re gonna get you out of here,” he said as his eyes stayed firmly on you, his ears tuning out Steve directing Sam, Tony, and Natasha to prepare for an emergency evac back home. “You’re gonna be okay, everything’s gonna be okay.”

Bucky cupped your face lightly, running his thumbs across your cheeks carefully over a few cuts. His face and tears streaming down his cheeks was the last thing you remembered seeing before the darkness reeled you in.

It had been six days.

Six days since you all successfully evacuated the mission. Six days since they removed the metal from your stomach safely. Six days since they found out the extent of your other injuries from the blow. Six days since you had been unconscious. Six days that Bucky hadn’t left your side for a second.

He had already regretted everything he said to you the night before your mission, but now he felt like he had made the biggest mistake of his life by even upsetting you. Bucky knew you probably wanted to cool down, memorizing all of your coping mechanisms and the way you communicated your feelings. But something in his head told him to talk to you sooner, and he only wished you had let him before everything else fell apart.

He hadn’t slept in the six days you’d been unconscious. You had suffered such a serious head trauma that the doctors in the medical wing of the compound were surprised your scans came back clean. On top of the fractured ribs, the wound in your stomach, and the broken leg, everyone had already known you were a trooper.

By the sixth day, Bucky’s eyes were finally starting to get tired.

He fought sleep off as hard as he could, not wanting to take his eyes off of you for a second. Sam had come in several times throughout the week to bring him food to eat, though he could barely finish any of it. Steve had urged him to go shower every day, promising to watch you and alert him if any changes had happened, pleading with him until he finally agreed. Bucky would rush to shower and immediately ran back as he had finished and gotten dressed. Steve would just give him a pat on the shoulder and a longing look, knowing he couldn’t push any more out of his best friend who was watching intently over the love of his life.

Bucky laid his head on the small space on the side of the bed next to you, his thumb running soothing motions back and forth on your hand as his solemn, blue eyes watched you take small breaths in and out with your eyes sealed shut. His eyes then pulled him into a slumber, one he didn’t even remember falling into.

After a few hours, he felt you shuffle a bit on the bed, shooting his eyes open and seeing you rub your eyes with your free hand, his hand still intertwined in your other one.

“Y/n?” he spoke softly, your eyes redirecting to his face and a small smile creeping on yours.

“Hi,” you said groggily. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”

Bucky sat up and shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, baby. I’m just glad you’re awake,” he reassured as he let go of your hand and moved his to rest on your cheek. “How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?”

“I feel like I got hit by a truck,” you joked in a tired voice. “How long have I been out?”

Bucky sighed, though he was glad you were feeling well enough to be playful. “Six days,” he answered. “You had a lot of injuries.”

You nodded slightly. “What about the mission?”

“Natasha and Tony took care of it,” he informed you. “They stayed behind while we evacuated to finish and found a copy of the file. Mission successful.”

You nodded once again, biting down on your bottom lip as you knew there was still unresolved tension between you and Bucky. He noticed it too, but he didn’t think it was the right time to talk about it. Not right after you woke up.

A few days later, you had been discharged from the medical wing and had gone back to your room. You had told Bucky you wanted to go back to his, but he had insisted it’d be better for you to rest in yours.

He stayed with you the first few days you were in recovery, though he didn’t sleep next to you. It hurt a bit, but you had at least felt comfort in knowing he was in the room with you.

One morning, you had woken up and saw Bucky sleeping peacefully on the couch chair in the corner of your room, knowing he had finally gotten rest after a few days. You stayed watching him and he met your eyes immediately when you woke up.

“Hey,” he said in the raspy morning voice you knew all too well. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” you said as you sat up a bit in bed, to which Bucky moved to your side to help you do.

“Don’t exert yourself too much, Y/n,” he warned in a light tone. “You’re still recovering and I don’t want you to prolong y—”

“Buck, I’m okay, I promise,” you cut him off, placing your hands on his face and forcing him to look you in the eyes. His normal, cerulean eyes were a bit more clouded. They looked more gray in the dim lighting of your room, but you could also make out the sting of sadness in them.

The longer he looked in your eyes, the more tears formed in his. “I could have lost you,” he said with a crack in his voice. “I almost lost you without making things right with you. I’m never gonna forgive myself for that.”

“We don’t have to talk about this right now, Bucky—”

“No,” he cut you off this time. “I can’t wait any longer, Y/n. It’s eating me alive and I want to make things right with you. I need to make things right with you. Everything that went wrong on that mission only made everything worse. You could have died while being on bad terms with me and I’m never, never, going to let that happen again. Do you understand me?”

You nodded slightly, tears quickly glossing your eyes as well while a tear slid past Bucky’s. He cupped your face in his hands, wiping the tears that fell down your cheeks with his thumbs as you started to play with your fingers in your lap.

“Do you think that I care about anything in this world but you?” he said, a noticeable shake in his voice while he didn’t break eye contact with you. “There is nothing that compares to you in my world. Nothing. When I heard that explosion and Tony say your name, it felt like my heart dropped. I don’t want to experience that again. Especially if I’m not with you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “So you mean—”

“I said what I said because I’m too scared not to be with you, Y/n. It’s wrong and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I made you feel like I felt you weren’t ready to be on your own. You’re more than ready and I was clouded by my own fears and patronized you when you didn’t need that. I can’t lose you, I can’t picture what the rest of my life would even look like without you in it. But my fears should never come in the way of your accomplishments that you deserve and earned, honey. Never. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry that it took everything that happened for me to say it to you.”

If the tears weren’t falling from your face before, they most definitely were now. You wrapped your arms around Bucky’s torso and sobbed into his chest. He was crying too, but he wrapped his arms around you and rubbed small circles in your back to soothe you the way he always did.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out between sobs. “I didn’t want to fight with you, I just—”

“Shh,” Bucky comforted you. “It’s okay, baby, I know. I didn’t want to fight with you either, it’s on me.”

You pulled away slightly to look up at him once your sobs died down, sniffling a bit as he looked down at you with all the love and adoration he’s always had for you.

“Promise me we’ll never fight before a mission again,” you urged softly, and even though your tone was slightly playful, Bucky knew you were also half serious.

“I promise, baby,” he said, kissing your forehead twice. “Now let’s go back to sleep.”

You nodded as he made his way around the bed and slid next to you, carefully wrapping his arms around you as you both laid down and enjoyed each other’s warmth again.

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thank you so much for reading! i thoroughly enjoyed writing this and i hope you enjoyed reading my first piece!

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky fanfic #bucky angst #sad!bucky #boyfriend!bucky #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n

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what-shitfuckery-is-this-ew · 4 months

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A Critique of Riordan's: Neurodivergency

tldr: Rick made ADHD and dyslexia superpowers in the books which fit the time he wrote the books, but it's not accepted now cause it diminishes neurodivergent struggle. At the same time he made autism coded characters the 'annoying' ones and had a very racist thing of having the only neurotypical be Frank.

He tried to fix it in the show. It worked for about 3 seconds.

TW: Ableism, Autism speaks mention, r slur, anti-schizo stuff.

This paragraph is useless so don't read if you don't want to: Sitting in my drafts are 3 different 'A critique of Riordan's' posts i made as i tried to redo my full critique of the Riordanverse with a little more positive feedback and a little less Rick Riordan is the devil spawn. I have decided to not do it in order because because i watched the show and i noticed some things which were iffy and others which were great. So yeah neurodivergency first. Enjoy and think Critically.

Books

Research and Diversity

The books were written in the early 2000s for Rick's son who has ADHD and dyslexia

As a result, it takes on a very "your ADHD and dyslexia is a superpower" message which were popular during the time, but we recognise now has delegitimised neurodivergent struggles

Also as a result, the books were very focused on his son's symptoms, and represented ADHD as a monolith which quickly turned into stereotypes (e.g jumpy, impatient and fast reflexes becoming the connecting feature of half-bloods)

It got so unresearched that at one point he said:

He also talks about coffee in a similar way, despite sugar and coffee not making us more hyperactive and instead making us sleepy. Unless all the scientists and people with ADHD are wrong i really don't know this works.

and also said this: "Leo was extremely ADHD even by demigod standards" Like what

But the worst part about the PJO books was that the neurodivergency was limited to the first book. Percy's ADHD and dyslexia magically vanish and honestly it's only really brought back up in HOO every now and then (not very well might i add)

Ways he could have improved:

He could have given other characters, like Annabeth, more diverse symptoms of ADHD. It wasn't that hard, For Annabeth recognise that she as a 'gifted kid' is more likely to have undiagnosed and so have to face the issues related to being undiagnosed and/or being both a gifted kid and having ADHD, and then also give her more symptoms common to girls like being really chatty or frequently daydreaming.

Continuing having ADHD (and dyslexia) as constant parts of the novels rather than throwaway lines. Build it into the characters actions and persona rather than add it on like an accessory

Research. Never stop researching. Always reach out to people with the disorders and ask them to help. Writing is nothing without research.

Get sensitivity readers

Grammar

This is really minor, but he keeps say ____ was ADHD, and like gramattically that's a no. I am not a disorder i am a person with a disorder . Note for autism, the prefered grammer is Autistic person (aka turn into adjective and describe, something we can't do with ADHD)

Nico and Leo

Making Leo and Nico the 2 characters who were annoying and unlikeable (to everyone else not to fans) was really weird cause these 2 characters were the autistic coded ones.

NOTE: I did see a post explaining it better in the past, and i will link it when/if i find it again.

Tyson and the R Slur

I genuinely think he tried to make the r-slur scene show that it was bad, but the way Percy reacted to it wasn't quite right. Especially for childrens books these things need to be really clear. So it was good to make a bad bully character who was hated say it, but he could have made it better by skipping Percy saying "He’s not r*tarded" and go straight to "I had to try really, really hard not to punch Sloan the face."

The scene was ok, it could have been better, but again these were written in the 2000s, we have to acknowledge that.

Percy and School

Now this is interesting because this is more recent. Percy tried really hard in school and was smart, it was part of his characterisation. But he never did well in school, because that's how his disability affected him (especially since it was the American school system which we all know is shit and even more shit for people with learning disabilities).

The problem stems from TSATS, where Percy is made out to skip school, and not try at all (feeds into people with ADHD do bad cause they don't try/are lazy)

credits to @aroaceleovaldez

Racism: Frank Zhang

Frank Zhang the only Asian member of the 7 has no form of neurodivergency, despite the rest of them all having. It must be a just coincidence that there's a stereotype that asians are really smart and good at maths and the fact that the rest of the Romans have dyscalculia/s.

It's not weird at all that the character instead has lactose intolerance, which is really common in East Asia unlike dyslexia, ADHD or dyscalculia, which has such a low rate of diagnosis because there is a large stigma behind the disorders and because white people don't think Asians can have learning disabilities/s. No not weird at all that the dude is described with symptoms of dyspraxia but Rick refuses to recognise he is not neurotypical/s

I'm stepping out of sarcasm speak to remind you that Asians with learning disabilities are significantly less likely to get diagnosed with anything because:

because their parents won't let them until they have no other choice (glares at my parents) because there's a massive stigma behind intellectual/learning/development disorders in these communities

When we do try to get diagnosed our claims are diminished because of racist stereotypes and the belief that booksmarts/giftedness = no learning disability. It means most psychologists and psychiatrists (who are usually white) think that all Asians are smart so they don't ever have any form of neurodivergency and we're left to struggle.

Schizo Rep

Octavian. Villain. Schizo. Again.

Do i even need to explain this?

Show

Not actually a specific disorder - Percy just has a learning disability

Interestly Percy's dyslexia is just never talked about, And even his ADHD is never mentioned by name. He's got a random learning disorder which isn't specified. At first i assumed it was still ADHD cause the books, but watching more, you realise they aren't actually focusing on what learning disorder he has and what he has to deal with as a result of that. It's just a generic learning disorder.

Which is weird because learning disorders are all different and we all face different things, even with the same disorder. So placing all learning disorders in the same group? not good. Don't know what i expected from disney, but it wasn't this.

Autism Speaks

So the show tried to acknowledge that Percy was constantly told he was special and heroic when he really wanted to have help for his issues and for people to recognise that he has problems and those are bad. It also represented less stereotypical adhd symptoms (though whether that's because the disorder is no longer adhd or whether they wanted more inattentive symptoms to be present, we'll never know)

but then it went ahead and used a broken puzzle metaphor for his neurodivergency?

Puzzle piece metaphors when talking about any form of neurodivergency are a no go because the creators of the metaphor literally want Autistic people dead.

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE AUTISM, WE ARE NOT ALLIES TO THE AUTISM COMMUNITY IF WE USE THE LANGUAGE AUTISM SPEAKS CREATED

Not only that but a broken puzzle is not a good way to represent us anyways because NEURODIVERGENTS AREN'T BROKEN.

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thatgoblin · 3 months

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If I'm There

Summary: You hadn't seen or spoken to him in over a year, but now you have to track down your ex-husband over unpaid parking tickets. It was supposed to be easy, but seeing him with his new partner made it anything but.

Soulmates AU, Simon/Johnny/Reader

Warnings: so much angst, past child death, alcoholism, divorce, heavy stuff, but happy ending.

A/N: I'm not completely pleased with it, I don't feel very strong with Simon and Johnny’s characters in this, but posting anyways. It's part of a series I had written a while ago, but it works as a one shot too. Song is 'If I'm There' by Bad Omens.

“Riley! I got a job for you!”

I looked up from the paperwork I had been doing, bored out of my mind before stuffing it into the file it had come in.

“Yes! Farah, love of my life, light of my heart, tell me it’s a good one,” I said, walking over to get a look from her.

“Seems you’re on the hunt for a blast from your past,” the dark haired woman said, handing me a file. “12 unpaid parking tickets and has not shown up to court.” I opened the file, wanting to throw it away immediately, but seeing the large bounty on it, I kept it. It wasn’t often that amount was put out on people for nonviolent crimes and I wasn’t about to pass up something so easy. “Also a second one. 4 unpaid speeding tickets, 3 failure to signal tickets, and 1 ticket for having a pet off leash. . . An emu.” Farah handed me another file and the bounty was just as much.

“And a partridge in a pear tree,” I said with a snort. “Merry Christmas to me.”

“It’s April,” Farah said evenly before turning back to the computer.

“Well, it’ll feel like Christmas when I turn these two idiots in,” I said, taking their addresses to shove into my back pocket in case my first plan didn’t work. “With a nice bonus for you too.”

“Oh happy days,” Farah said dryly.

“You know, you could be a bit more cheery about life,” I said, folding the legal paperwork I needed before putting it into my jacket pocket.

“I could, but then we’d be friends and we can’t have that,” Farah said, not looking back.

“Of course, we wouldn’t want that,” I said, grabbing my phone from my desk. “Alright, I’m off. Hold down the fort and don’t set it on fire. Again.”

“I make no promises,” Farah said as I walked out the door. Walking over to my car, I pulled out my phone to dial a number I had deleted from my phone over a year ago. As I sat in the car, a little voice in the back of my head told me to ignore this job. That it was inviting chaos and discourse back into my life after I had struggled to get some sort of peace. I had to see him at some point and it was probably easier to do it this way rather than during an awkward grocery store run in. Tapping the numbers was second nature and I didn’t even hesitate on a single digit. I held the phone to my ear as I coached myself to stay cool.

“Hello?” A man’s voice came over the line. I hadn’t heard it in nearly a year, but it still sounded the same. “Hello?”

“Hey. . . It’s me,” I said, swallowing back every urge that wanted to throw the phone into the street and speed away. “I really need to talk to someone. Are you free right now?” There was a sigh then silence. I thought he’d hung up on me, but a jostling noise told me he was still there.

“Sure, where do you want to meet?” He asked, his tone flat.

“Joe’s Coffee Shop? Half an hour?” I asked. I felt a little bad about tricking him, but then again I had bills to pay and he clearly was already done with me. So I didn’t feel too bad.

“Okay, see you there,” he said before hanging up.

There are scars that'll never ever show themselves

You get when you're left alone too long in Hell

The drive to the coffee shop was short thankfully and I was able to get a good parking spot to wrangle my targets into it. Hereford had its ups and downs, but the ups were that it really wasn’t as big as everyone thought. My ex and I had lived there for most of our adult lives before we split. Going our separate ways had meant chaos and disarray at first, but then I got my current job after a few months and it was something I could throw myself into.

We stayed in this area because while it was on the west coast, it was also a close knit community of sorts. People knew each other, local places were more abundant than chains, it just felt like back home. At Joe’s, I pulled up to park on the street before getting out of my black sedan.

Joe’s Coffee Shop was a local favorite with an outdoor patio. It was April and a sunny day so there were lots of people there sunbathing while sipping on iced coffees. Going in, I ordered one myself before picking a spot outside. Lazily sipping my drink, I pulled out my phone to check the time. I was never patient and even when I was early and he was on time, it had always got on my nerves.

“Hey.”

I looked up to see him standing there with that blank look he always had. Mostly hidden by his black face mask. It was the same one I made him that had the lower half of a skull printed onto it. He always wore a balaclava with a similar print, but walking around with that got him into trouble a lot. So, I made a face mask for him. I had taken the time to learn to sew and make patterns when I was not a crafty person. Seeing him still wearing it, I was thrown off my game.

“Hey Simon,” I said, standing up. Did I hug him? Shake hands? High five? Regret was filling my stomach as he stood there. We’d divorced over a year ago and hadn’t talked to each other since, but now his stupid unpaid parking tickets brought him back into my life.

We were supposed to be soulmates. We had the marks that everyone was born with. Everyone had a soulmate, people even had more than one at a time. It was supposed to mean we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, like some magical fairy tale that adults tell children.

If you found your soulmate you would feel more deeply, be more in tune with the other, have this special bond that no one else could have with you. Simon and I had had that bond.

But then we didn’t.

Things changed and we lost the bond or it broke or something and we couldn’t hack it. So, we divorced. I covered my mark on my hand with a small black bar tattoo, but Simon didn’t. I hated that he still had it. Just three simple arrows in a row on his forearm. We were meant to be together, so say the powers that be, but we proved them wrong. Life wasn’t a fairy tale.

“Everythin’ okay?” He asked, sitting across from me, shaking me from my thoughts.

“Yeah, just. . . Got lost for a second,” I said, sitting down as well.

“Are you seein’ that counselor still?” He asked. I nodded, taking a deep breath. I wasn’t there to catch up, I was there to collect a bounty. “Good,” he said.

“The reason I called you to talk in person is that I have a question,” I said, pulling out the legal paperwork.

“About what?” Simon asked with a frown.

“12 unpaid parking tickets? You have 12 unpaid parking tickets?” I asked as I shook my head at him, holding up the warrant.

“What about them?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at the papers. “How do you know about that?”

“Because you’ve got a warrant out for your arrest,” I said. “And I’m here to take you in.”

“Jesus,” Simon groaned, rolling his eyes as he shook his head. “You’re a bounty hunter now?”

“Yup. I was going to turn yours down, but the money was too good to give to someone else,” I said with a snort. Simon pinched his nose as he stayed sitting.

“This is a joke, isn’t it? It’s a really bad joke,” he said, looking at me. “Just tell me it’s a joke.”

“Not a joke,” I said, showing my badge and permit. “You never paid the tickets or showed up to court.”

“Fuck me,” Simon hissed.

“Everythin’ okay, Simon?” A Scottish brogue said.

I turned to see another man with a mohawk and the brightest blue eyes I’d ever seen walk over with a pair of coffees in hand. Wait a second.

“Don’t tell me, you’re Johnny MacTavish?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Uh, I am,” the man said, frowning as he looked at me.

“Oh wow, this has got to be the luckiest break ever!” I said, laughing as I stood up.

“Simon?” Johnny said, frowning.

“Easiest job I’ve ever had,” I said, pulling out the handcuffs from my belt.

“You’re not actually goin’ to take me in,” Simon said, tilting his head to look up at me. “This is just a heads up, right?”

“Oh no. I’m for real arresting you both right now,” I said. “Unpaid parking tickets, jay walking and traffic tickets, no shows in court, and a fucking emu? This is truly an April Christmas miracle.”

“I’m still confused, Simon?” Johnny said, looking at the other man.

“Wait, how do you two know each other?” I asked, realizing they had shown up together.

“Johnny, this my ex-wife,” Simon said as he stood up. “And this is my boyfriend, Johnny.”

I did not expect to feel that pang in my chest hit so hard. Of course he moved on. Why wouldn’t he? He had been the more grounded of us after the dust settled. I had no right to feel jealous or hurt by it. If he hadn’t been in trouble then I would have had no idea anyways.

“Wait, so she’s the one-” Johnny started.

“Yes, she is the one,” Simon nodded. “Now, when you’re done havin’ a laugh, I have to go. We have plans. Can’t believe after almost a year of not talkin’ and avoidin’ each other this is how you choose to show up again.”

“Oh, uh, it was nice to meet you,” Johnny said, tentatively holding out his hand for me to take after setting his drinks down. Fuck this. I slapped a cuff onto Johnny who cried out in confusion as I easily turned him to get his other hand.

“I wasn’t kidding,” I grunted as I handled Johnny, directing him to my car.

“Are you fucking’ kiddin’ me right now!?” Simon snapped.

“Like I said, I have arrest warrants for both of you. You’re lucky I even told you that,” I snapped back at him. Opening the car door, I put Johnny in the back before shutting the door. Simon didn’t seem to think it was going to go far, instead choosing to get on the phone with someone.

“Yes, hello?” He said before I ripped his phone from him to hang up. “What the hell!?”

“Simon, just let me cuff you so we can get this over with and we can move on with our lives,” I said.

“What is wrong with you? Normal ex’s don’t arrest each other,” he said, as I was able to get the cuffs on him just as easily.

“Yeah, well, we’re not normal ex’s,” I said with a sigh, putting the cuffs extra tight on his wrists. “Now shut up and get in the car.” Dragging him to the other side, I pushed him in next to Johnny before getting in myself.

“Are we being kidnapped?” Johnny asked as I pulled out onto the road.

“You’ve both have warrants out for your arrest because you two dumbasses didn’t pay tickets on time or show up to court,” I said. “5 years we were together and you never learned to pay the damn tickets.”

“I was goin’ to pay them,” Simon said with a huff. “I’ve been busy.”

“Uh huh,” I said, rolling my eyes at him. Johnny seemed to just be in a constant state of confusion, but kept quiet at least. The drive to the police station was shorand usually if there was more than one to book I would have other people with me, but given that those two weren’t going to really give me trouble, I didn’t worry too much. With both of them in cuffs and compliant, I was able to get them booked easily enough.

“Hey, Riley,” the officer at the desk, Roach, called as Simon and Johnny were being taken to be processed. I paused in my get away, ready to run as far and fast as I could.

They tried to keep in the secrets that you wouldn't tell

But they just stripped you for parts you had to sell

“Yeah?” I said, walking back over. I could see Simon staring at me hard from the cubicle he was in with Johnny that was just a couple of meters away. No doubt he heard the officer call me back over, still using his last name.

“Just need you to sign a few things for us,” Roach said.

“Alright fine, but it better be quick, I got a lunch date with a Blood Mary,” I said with a huff.

“You never changed your name,” Simon said, looking at me with a frown.

“Uh… No, no I did not,” I said, keeping my eyes on the papers in front of me.

“Why didn’t you change your name?” He asked.

“Because it’s a bitch to file paperwork and I’ve already been writing it for nearly 5 years. I made it a habit,” I said, glancing at him.

“No, no, you were filin’ for divorce before you even brought it up to me. You filed everythin’ before sayin’ a word,” Simon pushed. “Why didn’t you change your name?”

“I swear to god, Simon,” I hissed, slamming the pen on the counter. The small police station should have been buzzing about with noise, but as Simon kept demanding, everything and everyone went quiet.

“Just tell me why you didn’t change your last name,” he pushed.

“Because I still love you, okay?!” I snapped, whirling to glare at him. “I still love you, but we are not good together and it’s one piece of us that I can have without trouble. So there, there’s your answer, in front of your new boyfriend, too.”

“Love,” Simon said with a sigh.

“Don’t,” I said, cutting him off. “Anything else for me to sign?” I asked, turning back to glare at Roach.

“Uh, no that’s it,” Roach said. I hadn’t meant to crumble so easily. I thought I was stronger than that, but seeing him again, with someone else. . . What was I supposed to do? We used to be so good together, but then everything happened and shit hit the fan. I couldn’t be as soft as I once was and I couldn’t let him back in. It wasn’t fair to him. Not after the shit I put him through.

“Thanks,” I said, turning on my heel. Thankfully no one called after me again, letting me get to my car and drive home in peace. Getting home, I walked in to shut the door behind me. It was barely 2pm but there I was going right for the vodka in my freezer. I’d been sober almost four months, but seeing Simon. . . I couldn’t. It was supposed to be an easy grab and go, he’d get pissed and grouchy while I hauled his ass to jail.

Then it turned into a sudden confession at the police station in front of everyone and their dog to see and hear. I hoped that was the last I’d seen of him for a while. If ever.

Well, if I'm there to catch you when you fall

You'll have a friend down in Hell after all

Pulling a glass from my cupboard, I put a handful of ice in it before filling it with the liquor. I brought the glass to my lips, but paused. On the fridge was a magnet with a purple heart on it and the name ‘Dierdre’ in cursive letters. Staring at it, I held onto the drink as that ache brought back by Simon deepened. Like a scab reopening to become infected. The burning smell of the vodka was enough to pull me from scratching that open wound. Slowly, I set the glass down. That job was a mistake and I knew it the whole time. I thought maybe the money would soften any damage done or any hurt feelings, but it hadn’t done a damn thing.

Taking a deep breath as my mind threatened to unravel any second, I reached out to grab the bottle of vodka. Unscrewing the cap, I let it drop to the counter. The feel of the icy bottle in my hand helped pull me up from the warmth of depression that was pulling me into its arms. I tipped the bottle to watch the clear liquid pour into the sink, splashing and running down the drain. When the bottle was empty, I did the same to the drink I had made.

Standing in silence, I let out a sigh before moving to my living room, leaving the empty bottle on the counter.

And if you're there to catch me when I fall

Then maybe Hell ain't so bad after all

I pulled off my boots and jacket, texting Farah that I had everything signed and turned in and that I was done for the day. Shutting my phone off, I moved to flop onto the couch after peeling off my tight jeans. My bra went flying behind me, letting me settle in the warm weather with my windows open. The apartment was modest as Simon had kept almost everything in the divorce. I didn’t want it, so I left the house and anything I didn’t readily need with him. It was for the best. I didn’t need much and it made for less stuff when I moved.

Flipping on the TV, I turned it to good ol’ golf. I could put golf on at any time and it would put me in a dreamless sleep. That was what I needed. No dreams, no thoughts, no worries or wonders. Just the comfortable void that I could exist in without overwhelming feelings of any kind. In minutes I was passed out on the couch.

Until someone pounded on my front door.

Groggily, I looked around, confused as the sun had set and I was chilly in my underwear and tank top. Another loud knock came that had me glaring at the offending door.

“I’m coming!” I yelled, going to the door. Beside it in a small side table, I hid a Glock for when unsolicited callers came to the door. It was registered and everything, but wasn’t kept completely legal considering it wasn’t locked up with the ammo separated. My previous job and being a bounty hunter didn’t exactly make for the safest of conditions and the bad guys wouldn’t wait for me to put in my combination to my safe. “Who is it?” I asked, hand on the gun hidden under the table top.

“It’s Simon.” Quiet a moment, I scrunched my face in frustration while holding back the urge to tell him to fuck off.

“What do you want?” I asked, not letting him in or taking my hand off the gun.

“I want to talk to you,” he said. I heard him shifting around, waiting for me to answer. The thought of climbing out my window crossed my mind, but he’d just follow right behind me. Sighing heavily, I took my hand from the gun before I unlocked the door to open it. “Thank. . . You,” he said, his eyes trailing down my body. “Well then.”

“I was napping,” I grumbled, stepping aside. “Besides you’ve seen more of that.” I pushed the door to shut it, but it stopped when Johnny popped in. “Excuse me?” I said, looking between the two.

“We need to talk about earlier,” Simon said as Johnny walked in. “All three of us.”

“I don’t understand,” I groaned, scrubbing my face. “Why are both of you here?”

“Do you wanna put some pants on? We can turn around,” Johnny offered. I stared at him before looking to Simon.

“Just go have a seat on the couch, Darlin’,” Simon said with a soft sigh, rubbing Johnny’s arm. My eye twitched at the gesture and nickname, but I stayed quiet.

“I’ll be right back,” I said, going to the bedroom which was technically part of the living room. It had a partition set up to kind of offer a sense of it being a different room, but I didn’t try that hard. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and hoodie to pull on before I rejoined the two men. Johnny sat on the couch, watching some show on TV that had come on during my nap while Simon was in the kitchen, holding the empty liquor bottle.

I didn't want to believe how much you needed help

And I just left you to be all by yourself

“I thought you said you were goin’ to counselin’,” he said softly.

“I am,” I said, taking the bottle from him to put in the recycling. “It was in the freezer from almost 6 months ago. I poured it out.”

“Are you bein’ honest with me?” Simon asked, looking at me. His dark eyes looked scared, worried, unsure. It was more than he gave me earlier that day at the coffee shop.

“I am,” I said. “Promise.”

“Good,” Simon said with a nod before motioning to the couch.

“So, what was it you two wanted to talk about?” I asked, pulling over a chair from my table as Simon sat next to Johnny.

“Aren’t you curious how we found ye?” Johnny asked as I turned off the TV.

“Not really. I know how you found me,” I said. “One of two options. Either you tracked me back through my phone records or you talked to my office manager, Farah. Who honestly should know better than to give my address out, but I assumed you pestered her enough that she caved.”

“Wow, she is good Simon,” Johnny said with a smile.

“I told you,” Simon said with a chuckle. I felt a hint of heat in my cheeks. Simon told Johnny about me? About how I was good at seeing things others didn’t? “Sorry, I told him you used to be a private investigator and he thinks it’s the greatest thing.”

“I love all those detective movies where the police don’t believe the evidence, but that rogue investigator finds it all out and cracks the case!” Johnny said excitedly. It was almost annoying, but it was also sweet. I hadn’t felt excited, truly excited, like that in a long time and didn’t know if I ever could again.

“It was mostly catching people cheating on each other,” I said, rubbing my face. “Hate to break the dream for ya.”

“That’s not what Simon said,” Johnny said. It was Simon’s turn to get a bit red in the cheeks.

“Oh really? What did he say?” I asked, crossing my legs as I leaned forward.

“Not why we’re here,” Simon said, covering Johnny’s mouth with his hand.

“Then why are you here?” I asked, turning my attention to him.

“We’re here to talk about us,” Simon said, motioning between me and him.

“What’s there to talk about?” I asked, sitting back up to cross my arms over my chest. “We’re divorced. We gave it a shot and it didn’t work out.”

“No, we gave it a shot and you called it quits. I was willin’ to work it out,” Simon said with a sigh.

“Obviously you don’t want to anymore, you brought your boyfriend over,” I said, motioning to Johnny.

“Johnny, go ahead and show her,” Simon said, looking to the other.

“Show me what?” I asked. Johnny glanced from me to Simon before he pulled up his shirt and pulled his pants down a bit. On his right hip was his soulmate mark. I swallowed hard, looking at it as tears pricked my eyes. It was the same as me and Simon’s. Three small arrows. “Well, good for you, you found a soulmate after I covered my mark,” I said. “You wanted to let me know you’d moved on completely and that I shouldn’t contact you again.”

“No, that’s not it,” Simon said as Johnny sat back down.

“Then what is it, Simon?” I snapped. “What do you want? I filed for divorce, I left you, I moved away from you, and the first time I called you in nearly a year is to arrest you, so you think that means anything?”

And now I wish I had seen that you weren't doing well

But I just came back to see how hard you fell

“You said at the station that you were still in love with me,” Simon said.

“No, I said I still loved you. There’s a difference. I’m not in love with you,” I said. It was mean and cruel, but I couldn’t let him think there was a chance we’d have a happily ever after. I was too much of a mess and barely managed to keep myself going most days as a functioning adult.

“But you could be,” Johnny said. I narrowed my eyes at him, snarling almost, but he didn’t flinch. “You could fall back in love with him.”

“I. . . I am not the person I used to be, Simon,” I said, trying to swallow back tears. “I’m not the girl you fell in love with and I probably won’t ever be her again. I’m not who you want or need.”

“Maybe Johnny’s right,” Simon said, scooting closer to me. “We’re both different people, but we could fall in love again.”

“It has been over a year, Simon,” I said. “You moved on with Johnny and I moved on. What is the point of us getting back together? We’re not good together.”

“No, we were,” Simon said. “We just lost each other when we lost Dierdre.”

“Don’t,” I snapped, close to losing it. “Don’t bring her into this.”

Well, if I'm there to catch you when you fall

You'll have a friend down in Hell after all

“You shut down so hard and pushed me so far away when we lost her, Love,” Simon said, reaching out to touch my knee. I pulled away instantly like his touch burned me. I sat rigid in my seat as I refused to look at him. “We made mistakes and we fucked up. I fucked up. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when you needed me.” His voice was catching, making it hard to steel myself, to keep myself in my self appointed isolation. “It’s not your fault and I don’t blame you for anythin’. The drinkin’, the lyin’, the fights, I don’t blame you. Neither of us were in the right. I. . . I never stopped lovin’ you. Even when I met Johnny, I still loved you just as much as I did before. I still do.”

I shook my head, feeling my shell crack as tears slid down my face.

“You had a miscarriage, Love. We lost our baby girl and I thought I lost you too,” Simon choked out. We didn’t talk like this after we got home from the hospital. I had been seven months pregnant when something happened. There were sharp pains that I shouldn’t have had. Before we knew it I was in the hospital bleeding, hemorrhaging. The sac she was in didn’t develop right and it burst. By the time I was in delivery she was already gone. I barely made it out alive.

“You’re not just one event in your Simon’s life,” Johnny said suddenly, making me flinch. “A loss of a child is one of the hardest emotional pains to endure and a lot of couples do divorce afterwards because it seems like the world has come down upon you. It’s okay to feel those feelings and work through them, but it seems that you didn’t want to or didn’t have the capacity at the time to work through it with Simon. These things take time and that may be what was needed. Time.”

“Johnny was my counselor for a while,” Simon said with a soft chuckle. I looked at him, seeing the tears running down his cheeks, his mask off. It was the first time I had seen his face since before the hospital visit. “Then for obvious reasons I started seein’ a different counselor.”

And if you're there to catch me when I fall

Then maybe Hell ain't so bad after all

“The heart wants what it wants,” Johnny said with a soft smile and a shrug. “All that aside, with everything Simon has told me, I couldn’t deny him of seeing you. He loves you too much and I love him. I want us to be happy and even if that means we have separate relationships with Simon or if you just want to be friends again, I am all for it. Being married and together for so long, as well as soulmates, makes for an intense relationship, but also one you can’t just forget and burn a bridge to with something like you guys. All I ask is that you consider it and we’ll work through it together.”

“I don’t know,” I said softly. “I don’t think I’m ready or ever will be ready.”

“Love,” Simon said, reaching out to grasp my hand that had gripped my knee tightly. “We don’t have to pick up where we left off. I just. . . I need you in my life. Please.”

God, the feel of his hand around mine made me want to curl into a ball in his lap, let him rock me and hold me. It was so hard to keep myself in check.

“So, this is about making yourself feel better?” I said, trying to make a wedge between us. He needed to leave and move on with Johnny. They could be happy together, adopt, get a dog. I was too broken and missing pieces. There was no way that I could go back to him, not because he had been the cause, but because I was certain I would only hurt him again when he saw how badly I was cracked. “I told you, Simon. I am not who I was when we met, let alone when we got married. This version of me is not someone who is the loving and caring partner that is soft and a safe place to land.”

Build me up or tear me down, I will never make a sound

Build me up or tear me down

“How about a reset?” Johnny said. I looked at him confused, unsure what he was getting at. “You wipe the slate clean, you start over. That means, you start out as friends again, move on from there. I find it helps couples that feel they can’t get over certain bumps in the road to have an imaginary reset button. It’s been a year since you two have been around each other, you’re obviously in different places in your lives, and you have changed. A reset would probably be the best thing for you two if you want to be around one another again.”

“So what, we just pretend nothing happened before now?” I asked with a scoff.

“No, you definitely don’t do that,” Johnny said. “You start fresh. You acknowledge that you both have a past, but you don’t work around it. You work with it.”

“I’m on board for whatever you want,” Simon said. I took a deep breath, holding Simon’s hand without realizing it.

Run a dagger through my chest, I believe it's for the best

Build me up or tear me down

“I can’t,” I said, pulling my hand away from him. “I just can’t.” That sucking pit in my chest that had snuck up on me was gasping to get more of me.

“You don’t have to punish yourself for losing a child,” Johnny said. He had gone to his knees in front of me, making me see his face as he looked up at me. His words were spoken softly, but a force to pull me back from that place I was comfortable with. Where it was dark and lonely and it made sense to feel guilt. “You did everything you could to keep her safe and loved her so much. You were a good mum. It’s not your fault.”

All I could do was stare at him as he nodded, taking my shaky, clammy hands in his large, rough ones. I had manhandled him into cuffs earlier without hesitation, moving on instinct, and now I was in his calm, grounding grasp. “But-”

“It will never be your fault. There is no need to punish you for something that was not your doing. You deserve to be loved and have someone be there for you. This was not a failure on your part and never will be. You can let go of that weight. You’re not alone anymore and don’t have to be again.”

There are scars that'll never ever show themselves

You get when you're left alone too long in Hell

“Okay,” I choked out. “I. . . I want to try the reset thing.”

“We’ll go slow and easy,” Simon said.

“I want to start as friends, with both you and Johnny,” I said looking from Simon to Johnny.

“That’s the most I would ask for,” Johnny said, a smile on his face.

“Give me some time right now. I’ll text you later and we’ll go from there, okay?” I said, needing to remember to breathe.

They tried to keep in the secrets that you wouldn't tell

But they just stripped you for parts you had to sell

“Sounds good,” Simon said, a smile spreading across his face as well. Even though we got what we all wanted apparently, why was I the only one not smiling? Why did it feel like I wasn’t going to get what was promised? The only person dangling the carrot in front of me was myself and I knew the bitch would never let me have it if someone didn’t make her.

“I’m gonna give you two a minute, I’ll be out in the car,” Johnny said, getting up. He dropped a kiss to Simon’s head and waved to me before letting himself out.

“What?” I said, looking at Simon as he stared me down.

“Do you really want to do this? To reset?” He asked.

“If I didn’t, would I have said yes to it?” I asked, rolling my eyes, unable to keep from putting up my guards.

“No, but that doesn’t mean you’re lettin’ it all out there,” he said.

“I just. . . I don’t know. I feel like I let two strangers into my apartment to emotionally bully me into a relationship that I am terrified of,” I said with a sigh. “I don’t know how to be or to act around you anymore.”

“It’s okay,” Simon said, taking my hand in his. It was warm and rough, just like always. “We’ll figure it out. I’ll give you all the time and space you want.”

“What if I don’t want space?” I blurted out. I had shut down after Dierdre, pushed everyone away, and made myself alone. Like Johnny had figured out, I was punishing myself for my daughter’s death. I did that to myself because it felt like the right thing to do at the time, but I didn’t want it anymore. Not when Simon wanted me back, but. . .

“What do you mean?” Simon asked.

“I mean. . . I am so tired of being alone and I am so tired of pushing people away. I don’t care about the sex or kissing, I just don’t want to be alone again,” I said, managing to get it out before I broke down into sobs.

And if you're there to catch me when I fall

Then maybe Hell ain't so bad after all

Simon didn’t let go of me. Slowly, he pulled me from my chair to set me in his lap. His long arms wrapped around me, holding me tight as I sobbed against him.

It had been so long since I’d had that simple comfort that I didn’t want to let go. I didn’t want to go slow and stay home by myself. I wanted to go with Simon and Johnny and just stop being fucking alone. It was as if Simon was reading my mind as the back of my hand began to itch under my tattoo.

“Why don’t you come home with us for a while?” Simon asked. “Don’t worry about anythin’, I’ll help you pack a bag and when you feel up to it, we’ll come back.”

Build me up or tear me down, I will never make a sound

Build me up or tear me down

“Okay,” I nodded, hiccuping from crying so hard. There was no fight left in me as he continued to hold me, only taking out his phone to text Johnny. A few more minutes and I walked with him like a child holding their parents hand to their bedroom where the monsters were. We packed a basic bag before I slid on shoes then grabbed my keys, phone, and wallet. With my place locked up, Simon led me out to the car where Johnny was waiting in the driver’s seat. He didn’t say a word or make any fuss as Simon got in the back with me to hold me as we drove back to their house.

I knew Simon had sold our old house six months ago, getting another one down the street from it. It was a blessing because I would not be able to go back into that house. Brief flashes of how we had worked to make it ours, the decorations, furniture, the nursery ran through my mind. But instead of breaking down and having a drink, I nuzzled against Simon’s chest as his heavy arm kept me close.

Run a dagger through my chest, I believe it's for the best

Build me up or tear me down

Once there, I walked in holding Simon’s hand. Johnny didn’t seem surprised at all by any of it. In fact it was almost like he was expecting it. “Here’s some water and ibuprofen, you probably have a headache and are dehydrated,” he said as he handed me both items.

“Thanks,” I said, taking them.

“If you’re hungry we can order something or you’re more than welcome to lay down or even take a shower, whatever you’d like,” Johnny said as he took my bag for me. Going down the hall and straight to their room. I knew it was their room because it had a huge bed I could see from the front.

“I can sleep on the couch or the guest room,” I said, trying to back peddle from something I didn’t even realize was taking off so quickly.

“Don’t worry about,” Johnny said. “You’re probably touch starved and your soulmates haven’t been around in a year. It’ll create a tension of sorts, make you irritable, cause mood swings, depression, anxiety, general mental disarray. The best thing to do for it, if you can, is to be with your soulmates. That means you share the bed with us.”

“Us?” I said, my voice cracking.

If I'm there to catch you when you fall

You'll have a friend down in Hell after all

“Simon will sleep in the middle, don’t worry,” Johnny said as he walked to the closet to grab extra pillows and blankets.

“I think I’ve just been bamboozled,” I mumbled. That little shit knew all along that I’d end up coming home with them. He probably knew about the tickets! Knew that I was a bounty hunter! I was going to have to keep my eye on him.

“Probably,” Simon said with a chuckle. “He’s shifty like that. But, he is right. You’re probably touch starved, so you’re stayin’ in the same bed as us. Do you want to shower or anythin’?”

“I just want to lay down. My head is killing me and I’m a bit overwhelmed,” I said.

“Fair enough, keep drinkin’ the water though,” Simon said as he led me to the bedroom.

“Yes, Sir,” I said with a snort before taking a drink of the water.

“Oh, yeah, Simon is definitely, Sir,” Johnny said as he put the pillows and blankets on the bed for me. I couldn’t help but choke on my water. “Oh, too soon?”

And if you're there to catch me when I fall

Then maybe Hell ain't so bad after all

“I think she just needs to rest,” Simon said, patting me on the back.

“Okay,” Johnny said with a shrug. “Here’s a wet cloth for ye too.” He handed me one for my eyes before walking out.

“Here, you get settled,” Simon said, helping me get into the large, California King sized bed. “Need anything else?”

If I'm there to catch you when you fall

You'll have a friend down in Hell after all

“No, I think I’m good,” I said, letting him drape the wet cloth over my forehead.

“Alright. I’m gonna go take a shower then I’ll be in to lay down with you, okay?” He said.

“Okay,” I mumbled, already falling asleep. It didn’t take long for me to do just that, but I woke up later as Simon was sliding into bed. All the noises were gone from the usual household that was awake, telling me everyone was going to bed. I felt Simon lay on his back, making it easy for me to move to lay with my arm over his belly. What I didn’t expect was another arm to lay over mine. At first I wanted to pull away, but the longer I let it stay, the more it felt right.

And if you're there to catch me when I fall

Then maybe Hell ain't so bad after all

Masterlist

Taglist: @birdstoprey @sebbytheraccoon @pricescigar @alwaysshallow @sae1kie @sleepydang @lexi-zsy09 @ghostlywhiskey @ghosts-cyphera @poohkie90 @neothewitch @shadofireshinobi @sadslasher13 @0alk0msan @xaestheticalien

#john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #soapghost #soap x reader #john mactavish #johnny mactavish/reader #soap/reader/ghost

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yoosmekihyun · 5 months

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Conversations in the Dark (pt. 1)

Summary: After a series of major personal events, you decide to move to New York (in part) so you can have a relationship with your newly discovered half-sister, Karen Page. Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson become additional important figures in your life as you navigate new relationships and figure out how to live your life.

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut (eventually), we run the spectrum of emotions here

Warnings: mention of death, grief, anxiety, drinking, pining (so much pining), self-deprecation, chapters with sexual content will be marked with their own warnings, violence or attempted violence (i.e. Daredevil related), more possible warnings in the future

Author’s Note: This is pure wish fulfillment and written for my own joy. I haven’t put out anything in at least five years and this is the first time I’ve written something multi-part. I’m not sure how this will go, how long it will be, or how often I will post/update.

Word Count: 1.9k

Part 1

The remnants of summer still lingered in the warm September afternoon as you stepped out of the cab in front of the coffee shop. Glancing at your watch, you realized you were still a little early but that’s how you preferred it. This would allow you to order your drink and calm your nerves a little before she arrived.

When your turn came at the counter, you took the barista’s suggestion of the monthly special and moved to wait for your drink. Looking around you noticed the little pieces of fall décor another employee was putting up around the shop giving it a cozier vibe. Once the barista called your name, you found a small empty table in a corner that would allow you to watch the door and enjoy the city street chaos through the large window next to you.

This shouldn’t have been as nerve racking as it was but while you had spoken with your half-sister several times over the last year, you hadn’t seen her in person since your father’s funeral a little over a year ago. You prayed this was a good idea. You needed a win after the heaviness you had dealt with over the last few years. You needed some joy and connection, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity but now you were second guessing yourself.

Just as you were beginning to spiral and doubt your decision for the umpteenth time that day, you heard the ding of the door and watched your half-sister, Karen Page, rush in searching for you. The moment she saw you, she broke into a huge smile and hurried over to envelop you in a hug.

“Y/N! I’m so glad you made it safely! I hope you weren’t waiting long; I told Matt and Foggy I needed to leave sooner but they’re drowning in a sea of paperwork for a case, and we lost track of time.”

“Don’t worry about it! I’m usually early and you’re only a couple minutes late. No harm, no foul.” You released her from the hug and in that instant, you knew you had made the right decision. You didn’t realize how much you needed a hug from family until that moment and you felt more settled than you had in weeks.

“Do we need to postpone so you can get back to the office? Are you on a time crunch?” you asked.

“Oh, hell no, we are not postponing! They’ll be fine without me for a little while. I want to caffeinate while I hear about how you’re feeling now that you’re here!”

-X-

Your biological father may have been a world class asshole, but at least he had the decency to tell you and Karen about each other before he died. It was weird growing up as an only child to find out as an adult that you had a sister, especially when you had so desperately wished for one when you were younger. For her part, Karen could have decided she didn’t want a sister, but she welcomed you into her life with open arms. Admittedly, you struggled some, not because you were unhappy to find out about her, but because the news came during one of the worst times of your life.

If you had a terrible biological father, then luckily, you had the most amazing mother you could have asked for. When you and Karen found out about each other, you had just received news that your mother had been diagnosed with cancer for the second time. This time, it was late-stage and had spread with abysmal survival rates. This news alone meant your plate was beyond full. The idea of figuring out how to grieve the parent who didn’t want you while struggling to accept the awful news about your mother was overwhelming. It was nothing to say of the struggles to cultivate a new relationship with your sister under your poorly hidden sorrow, but Karen had been lovely and understanding. She did so much of the early legwork to develop your relationship, checking on you when she knew you were focused on your mother and often reminding you to do basic tasks to take care of yourself.

When your mother passed in the late spring, you were understandably devastated. She had been your sounding board your entire life and, without her, you felt unmoored. Thankfully, Karen had been there. She hadn’t been able to come to the funeral, but she called you every day for the first couple weeks after to make sure you were eating, hydrating, and showering. She listened to your stories and cried with you when the grief threatened to eat you alive.

During a conversation expressing your untethered feelings, Karen raised the idea that led you to the coffee shop in the midst of Hell’s Kitchen.

“Hey, I know you’re not sure what to do but…what if you moved here? Maybe a big change of pace and scenery will help you move forward.”

If you were being honest, moving to New York was an idea you had for a long time. You had applied to Columbia and NYU in your final year of high school but a full ride to a local university secured your undergrad path. Despite this decision, you never let go of the idea of New York. When Karen tentatively suggested the idea, it was like your mother was holding a huge neon sign for you, telling you to get off your ass and GO! A light burst into life within you, and you scrambled to make the arrangements so you could move as soon as possible.

-X-

Once Karen had her coffee and settled into her seat, you relayed some of your travel mishaps and your ideas and loose plans for her input.

“Honestly, I can’t really believe I’m here. It’s all still so surreal. But I’m hoping the apartment hunting will help ground me a little and once I can actually get my things here, it’ll start to sink in.”

“That makes sense. I imagine it’ll feel more like a vacation until you have your things around you. I’m so glad you’re here to experience fall in New York! I think you’ll love it,” Karen gushed, beaming at you.

As you grinned at Karen, you felt a peace and a warmth spread in your chest that you hadn’t felt since before your mom passed. You reached across the table and grasped her hand. “Thank you, Karen, for everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you this last year. I’m so grateful you’re my sister.”

Karen’s eyes started to well up as she gripped your hand in return, “I’m grateful you’re my sister too.”

Shocking you both out of the moment, Karen’s phone buzzed, and she rolled her eyes once she saw the caller ID. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. He knows I’m with you so I’m not sure why Foggy’s calling.” You waved her to answer it, unbothered by the interruption as it gave you a moment to reign in your emotions a little more. You didn’t need to start sobbing in the middle of a coffee shop; you’d have your bigger emotions in private later.

You took a sip of your coffee as you heard Karen’s exasperated tone, “Yes Foggy I know it’s a big deal. YES, I know we need the revenue. Okay, okay but you both know why I took an extended break and who I’m with…Seriously?? Now? Ugh, fine. You both owe me AND Y/N for interrupting.”

Karen sighed as she ended the call and looked at you apologetically. Before she could even say anything, you started, “Let me guess, they need you back ASAP because they don’t know how to function without you?”

She chuckled and confirmed, “Basically. He also asked me to bring back coffee. They’re losing steam fast. If you’re not too tired, do you want to walk back with me? You can meet them, so you know who to look for when we get drinks at Josie’s tonight!”

“Wait, what’s Josie’s?”

“It’s this local dive bar that Matt and Foggy love and they want to welcome you to the city! We planned on going tonight if you felt up to it, but we can do another night or somewhere else if that works better for you?”

You could tell Karen was a little nervous. Whether it was encouraging you to meet her co-workers and friends so quickly or having you go drinking your first night in an unfamiliar city, you didn’t know but you wanted to start living your life, not hide away in a hotel room.

“That all sounds great! I love a good dive bar, sounds like my kind of place.”

Fresh coffees in hand, you and Karen made your way back to her office making small talk about the neighborhood and places to consider when you went apartment hunting the following day with a recommended broker. You wanted to be near Karen, not necessarily in her building, but within walking distance so it would be easy to see each other when you wanted.

You nearly missed the sign “Nelson, Murdock, and Page” until Karen directed you to the door next to it. Once you made it to the interior door, you could hear the loud voices before Karen opened the office door.

“I come bearing caffeine. If you want it, stop arguing and get out here so you can meet my sister!”

You heard chairs scraping right before you saw a tall, blonde man with a huge smile step out of a side room. Holding out his hand for you to shake he said, “Hi! I’m Franklin Nelson but you can call me Foggy.”

Unable to hold back your grin, you took his hand for a quick shake and replied “Nice to meet you, I’m Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

The sheer happiness and light that shone out of Foggy reminded you of your mother. You knew this man was going to be your friend, come hell or highwater.

Behind Foggy you could hear a shuffling sound and you peered around him. Once you saw the other man, you nearly forgot to breathe. Your heart stuttered in your chest as you gazed at easily the most beautiful man you had ever seen in person. Like Foggy, he had his sleeves rolled up to just under the elbow and the top button of his shirt was undone along with a loosened tie. His red reflective glasses did nothing to distract from the sharp jawline and days-old stubble. His dark hair was slightly mussed, as if he had recently been running a hand through it. As beautiful as he was standing before you, you were most distracted by his mouth. It was lush and soft while still looking deliciously male and it was quirked up on one side like he was in on some kind of joke you had missed.

Loudly, someone cleared their throat and shook you out of your stare. You realized you had missed something as Karen looked at you with a raised eyebrow and a smirk and Foggy was shaking his head while rolling his eyes.

You gave a little embarrassed chuckle as your cheeks flushed, “Um, sorry, what did I miss? I’m a little out of it, all the excitement and travel today.”

The beautiful man gave a full smile and you nearly stopped breathing again. He stepped forward and with one hand extended, he repeated,

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Matt Murdock.”

#matt murdock fic #matt murdock series #matt murdock x female reader #daredevil x female reader #daredevil fic #matthew murdock #conversations in the dark #miss pearl writes #yoosmekihyun

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emberfrostlovesloki · 5 months

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Studying with Spencer Reid [a ramble]

All photo credits after the tag list.

Good evening, Loves! Sorry for the slow content/fic updates on here. I'm still in the thick of the semester. The work is not giving me much time to write or think. However, I did get a good bit written for Our Side of Town during the Thanksgiving break. We are now at 7.2K words with lots more to write for Chapter 1. Given that final exams are coming up, I thought I'd share a mood board of what it would be like to study for finals with our dear Spencer Reid. So here are some headcanons for studying with Spence.

He doesn't let you cram. He knows it's scientifically proven that cramming doesn't help the information stick.

He gets you coffee, but not too much coffee/Red Bull. He wants to make sure you get a good eight hours of sleep before any major exams.

Spencer encourages you to prioritize the most important and challenging subjects first so you don't get overwhelmed. With a plan, at least you have something to work with.

On the day of an exam, Spencer encourages you to have a nice breakfast. Something that will give your brain energy for the day ahead.

Spencer will make flashcards or write major points on a whiteboard for you to look over as you study and memorize information.

While studying, Reid will have you take small breaks every twenty or thirty minutes to give your mind a break.

To all of those heading into high school or college finals, please know that I am proud of the work you are doing. Please remember that your grade or GPA doesn't define you as a person. You are incredible just as you are, and you are doing your best given the circumstances!. I actually failed one half of an exam for my Master's degree and I thought my world was over. But I took it again and I passed the second time, and looking back now, there's no shame in that. Please take care of yourself during this time.

Here are some helpful extra study tips if you are looking (post linked)

I love you all so much, and my messages are always open if you need to talk. Love Levi - ❤️

______________________________________________________________

Tag list: @tgskitten @geminitapestry

Want to be added to my tag list? Please see this post, CM tag list (linked)

______________________________________________________________

Photo credits: Center image (@randomoutsiders)

Bottom row: Left (@slythdiaries) Center (@happyheidi) Right (@selfhelpforstudents)

All other photos are mine

#cm #dr spencer reid #spencer moodboard #studying with spencer #study motivation #final exams #jj criminal minds #spencer headcanons #study inspo #cm hc's #you are enough #you got this #wip update #our side of town wip update #take care of yourself #uni finals inspo #high school finals inspo #you are smart

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jesuisici33 · 9 days

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fave lines game

rules: share your favourite lines or paragraph you've written from one of your fics, posted or wip. tagged by @spotsandsocks @kitteneddiediaz @wikiangela @hippolotamus @aroeddiediaz @diazsdimples and using this as my seven sentences Sunday and was tagged by @theotherbuckley @liminalmemories21 @bidisasterevankinard @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @tizniz

From Public Relations, Patrick and David having a literary fight

“I just figured, this might be a good time to get to know you, and also what you think of the story. Of how our characters work together. That sort of thing. I know we won’t get the scripts until the read-through, but we do have the book…” Patrick shrugged. “Um, sort of self explanatory, isn’t it?” David’s features melted into a “no duh” gesture as he slid his omelette from skillet to plate. “During the first book Adam tricks Godrick the entire time into getting Wyndom’s scepter, allowing him to change reality and having everyone think Adam is the crown prince. He’s a trickster.” David cocked his head to the side. “Although, admittedly, a very good redemption arc.” Patrick blinked, his smile growing in astonishment. “Wait, wait, wait. Did you just finish the first book recently? Cause that is not what happens at all.” He interrupted before David could get a word in edgewise. “Adam is being controlled by the ruby necklace he stole from Queen Luna and because Wyndom cursed the necklace to corrupt anyone who will ever steal it, that’s why he changes reality.” “Is it?” David almost wanted to add an “Oh, honey,” to the end of his sentence. “ If you remember, V. R. Lee introduced Adam constantly being envious of the royal family and their abundant wealth. The motivation was already there, he didn’t need some necklace to ‘corrupt’ him.” He took a bite out of his omelette. Ever since he learned how to fold in cheese, he’s been making omelettes like a champ. Perhaps he should ask Stevie if she can get him a food network show he can host on the side. “Adam is poor! He had to learn to be a thief! What are you not getting?” “I’m getting everything actually, it’s you who seems to be missing the point.” David put the last bite of his omelette in his mouth, staring at his plate mournfully. Instead he took the second coffee Patrick brought for him and took a sip from that cup.

two more under the cut

yes I know that he's my ex - tarlos - post breakup/pre getting back together

The only greeting he gets is a raised eyebrow and a scoff. TK brushes past him into the loft and looks around, pointedly ignoring all the decoration Carlos worked hard on during his time moving himself in. TK finds the hoodie behind an end table where Carlos must have thrown it when he took it off. “Got it, thanks.” And this - this isn’t how Carlos wants things to end. Things with TK can’t be just random occurrences at work where they pretend to ignore each other or clipped tones of trying to be civil. It can’t be one of them coming over to get a fucking hoodie for two seconds before leaving to go out and have fun somewhere else. As much as TK may put up a tough front of not caring about what happened between them, he knows that’s all bullshit. Carlos only has to get TK to admit it. Before he realizes what he’s doing, Carlos takes hold of TK’s bicep, stopping him from taking another step. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” “What else is there to say?” TK’s body inflates. All the posturing he’s put up for Carlos suddenly leaves him without a fight.

and something from a wip that I've been rereading - my demon!buck/angel!Eddie one

Eddie confronts him about it at the gym station. Making sure no prying humans are within earshot. “What’s a demon like you doing here?”

If there is a way to punch him without also hurting Bobby, Buck would. “Helping.”

Eddie purses his lips. Half in concentration on keeping his rep count, half in displeasure at Buck’s answer. “Helping. How does a demon help people? You’re a temptor, right?” At Buck’s sharp nod, Eddie continues. “So am I supposed to expect a lot of arson around here or something?”

“That’s not how that works.”

“Then educate me. How does your power work?”

Technically, Buck can tempt the divine or damned. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of strength. But he’s done it before. And he’s feeling a little petty and vengeful at the thought of an angel being here in Buck’s territory. So he might as well do it. He’ll most likely be drained by the end of it – but it’ll be worth it.

He peers into Eddie’s mind, into his wants and desires. He sees…a lego set? Some new lego set that just came out. Someone in Eddie’s life really wants it and Eddie is debating on splurging to make this person happy. But money is tight right now so he has to decide between getting the lego set or paying bills… Logically he knows he should pay bills. But this person has been through so much shit already and this lego set would really make him happy. Eddie should just get the lego set. Another month without cable really wouldn’t hurt-

Eddie gasps. “How did you do that?”

Buck feels cold sweat trickle down his face and back. He doesn’t need to look at Eddie to know he’s been tempted. Whoever that person is, they’re getting their lego set. It’s a small temptation, but the fact he’s tempted an angel will feed him for weeks.

“You wanted to see how my power works. You got your answer.”

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warmbloodcomic · 6 months

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Warm Blood: Girls Mode

Written by Josh Tierney

Photo edit by Caitlin Soliman

Pt. 2

The maids completed the routine, which encompassed all 12-and-a-half minutes of the song. The lights on the stage went out, and the customers and floor maids applauded as the stage maids held their final poses for several seconds. The maids on either side of the flyer girl then hopped off, leaving the flyer girl standing casually onstage as she looked at Penny and Eve with a curious smile.

Penny and Eve had already returned their attention to each other.

“You’d think they’d dance to like an anime theme or something,” Penny said. She looked down at her empty plate, only just now realising she had finished her pancake.

“I kept waiting for them to invite a customer up, like at a theme park,” Eve said, her eyes sparkling at the idea. “I totally would’ve gone up if they tried that!”

Penny opened her mouth to speak, but Eve spoke for her: “I know, there’s no way you would’ve danced.”

Eve took a sip of her coffee, then continued speaking with an encouraging smile: “I still would’ve rooted for you.”

The shadow of a maid who wasn’t their own fell onto their table. Penny paused in the middle of gulping down her orange drink to glance at the shadow’s owner.

The flyer girl was standing there, less like a maid in a themed restaurant, or even like a girl who handed out flyers for one, and more like a girl who had just got off work and was about to enjoy the night.

“How was it?” the flyer girl asked. “Did you like the performance?”

“It was sooo cute!” praised Eve. “When you told us this was a maid café, I was expecting way more sweeping and a lot less dancing. But now that I know what they’re like, I want to come to one everyday.”

“I’m so happy,” the flyer girl said. “I choreographed that dance myself.”

Penny and Eve were blown away – they wouldn’t have expected that from someone so close to their age, especially not from someone they had just seen handing out advertisements on a rainy street.

“You must be a higher rank of maid, then,” Eve said with a huge smile.

“S-tier, for sure,” Penny agreed.

The flyer girl smiled appreciatively at them.

“Not quite,” she said. “I’m more of a freelancer . . . I like to be able to come and go as I please.”

The flyer girl pulled out her phone, looked at it, then looked back at Penny and Eve.

“My name’s Maaya,” she told them.

“I’m Penny,” Penny said. She was secretly happy to be having a full conversation with a local in English.

“I’m Eve,” Eve said. “I know someone named Maya back in Canada.”

“Oh, are you both Canadians?” Maaya asked, genuinely interested.

“Yup! We live near Toronto.”

“The Maple Leafs, right?”

“That’s right!” Eve responded, impressed. “You know a lot.”

Maaya looked to her right. Penny and Eve’s maid had appeared as if from out of thin air. Maaya spoke to the maid in Japanese, and the maid nodded in response before heading towards the front counter.

“Your half-hour is up,” Maaya informed Penny and Eve. “You could stay here, but you’ll be charged for another 30 minutes.”

Penny and Eve looked at each other; the look said “as cool as this place is, we shouldn’t waste our money.” They made use of their napkins and stood, satisfied with the experience.

“Is this your first time in Akiba?” Maaya asked them.

“It’s our first time in Japan,” Penny explained.

“What made you decide to come here?”

“My mom came on a business trip,” Penny said. “We’re just tagging along.”

“We have a YouTube channel called Girls Mode,” Eve added proudly. “We haven’t used it in a while, but we have a thousand subscribers on it. We’d post Let’s Plays, reviews, makeup tutorials, game development tips – pretty much anything that came to mind.

“We want to revive it during our trip, and post some travelogue videos.”

Maaya smiled a knowing smile, like she was eager to share a secret with them.

“I can show you a few places, if you like,” she said. “I know Akiba like the back of my hand.”

Eve looked at the back of Maaya’s hand, and found it slender and pretty. She then looked at Penny, as if leaving the decision to her. Penny looked at Eve and could tell Eve would be glad to spend more time with Maaya. They then looked at Maaya together.

“Sure,” Penny said, slightly weirded out. Despite Maaya being close to them in age, Penny knew she shouldn’t be totally trusting of a stranger they had just met in another country, especially since Eve clearly would. She decided she would keep her guard up for both their sakes.

Yes, let’s follow the strange maid, Penny thought as she and Eve followed Maaya to the front counter. What the heck are we doing?

Eve paid for both of them with her credit card, which had been set up for her by her upper-middle-class parents. To Penny, “upper-middle-class” meant Eve’s family was fabulously rich, but she never commented on this out loud around Eve, since she knew it would make her feel bad.

“You can pay me back at the hotel room,” Eve said with a smile. During the trek from

Narita Airport to their hotel room in Akihabara, Eve had taken notice of Penny’s struggles to figure out which Japanese coins were worth which amounts of money. Covering costs for both of them was simply a way of streamlining their experience.

The counter maids bowed and thanked them, so Penny and Eve bowed and thanked the maids back, with Penny blushing as she bowed clumsily and awkwardly.

Penny felt embarrassed by her attempts at interacting with pretty much everyone, especially in comparison to how effortlessly Eve integrated into a society so unlike her own. She didn’t get it – she was the one who was 1000% into Japanese video games, 80% into manga, and 70% into anime, not Eve.

It was like the shyness she had spent her first year of high school breaking free from had come rushing back, wrapping her up in its quiet comfort.

But, also, it was just the first night. She would keep trying.

“Let’s go,” Maaya said.

The trio exited the maid café, descended the green-lit stairs, and made their way back to the slightly rainy street.

“Where are you staying?” Maaya asked them.

“It’s that really tall hotel close to where you were handing out flyers,” Penny said. “We’re staying there with my mom. I forget what it’s called.”

“Oh, that one?” Maaya said knowingly. “That’s a nice hotel. Western-style beds, modern design . . . One of my aunts stays there when she visits.”

Hearing Maaya casually reference her family made Penny feel more comfortable. The trio stuck close together as they walked, with Maaya slightly in the lead.

“We won’t venture too far from it,” Maaya assured them. “It can be fun to get lost in Akiba, but maybe not on the first night.”

“You speak English so well,” Eve complimented her.

“Thank you,” Maaya said. “I’m paid extra when I send foreigners to cafés, so I’ve been taking advanced courses online.”

She then smiled at Eve. “Would you like to practice your Japanese?”

Maaya, in Japanese, asked Eve what she was most interested in doing in Akihabara. Eve picked up on some of the words, and answered: “Penny is a huge, huge fan of games. I want her to see the coolest game store.”

“That’s easy,” Maaya told them. “It’s Super Potato.”

Eve nearly gasped. The idea of going to a place called Super Potato was all she needed to achieve perfect happiness. It didn’t matter what kind of store it was.

“I’ve heard of it,” Penny said, while Eve silently imagined a potato with magical powers. “It’s a big retro store, right?”

“That’s right. It takes up the top three floors of a building.”

It didn’t take long for the girls to arrive at Super Potato, the three sheltered from the rain by Maaya’s transparent umbrella.

Depicted on a big yellow sign was an anthropomorphic potato with a surprisingly Western design, looking more like the mascot of a Canadian chip brand than something used to promote a videogame store in Akihabara. Maaya asked if they wanted to take a picture in front of it, and used Penny’s cellphone to take a picture of Penny and Eve with the potato visible above them. Penny had managed an awkward smirk for the photo, while Eve had a big, cheesy smile.

“I can help record videos for your YouTube channel as well,” Maaya offered.

“Really?! That would be amazing!” Eve responded gratefully.

Eve passed her phone to Maaya, as hers was more advanced than Penny’s. After showing Maaya which buttons to press, Maaya began recording the pair as they climbed the steps to the first level of the store. The climb was slow as Penny and Eve kept stopping to admire the retro game posters, featuring everything from Parodius to a roster of Claymation enemies from Super Mario RPG. Penny took the time to explain all the Japan-only games being advertised, mainly for Eve’s sake but also for their modest YouTube audience.

Locals who were used to the posters had to navigate around the girls, apologising as they did so. Eventually they located the entrance to the first level, and Penny’s legs nearly buckled at the sight of all the old games within, this floor focusing on older systems like the Famicom, Super Famicom and Mega Drive. (Penny then explained that the Famicom was the NES, the Super Famicom was the Super Nintendo, and the Mega Drive was the Sega Genesis.)

Penny grabbed Eve’s arm and squeezed it, needing an outlet for the rush of retro game energy coursing through her veins.

“It’s beautiful,” Penny whisper-shouted. For a moment Eve assumed she was referring to the life-size Fox McCloud statue just past the entrance, but, no, Penny clearly meant everything.

The retro posters continued into the store itself, and CRT monitors displayed the attract modes for Final Fantasy VI and Sonic the Hedgehog 2. In addition to all the games – presented either in their original boxes on the shelves or as loose cartridges in tidy bins below – there were rare soundtrack CDs, strategy guides, artbooks and toys, including an entire row of deluxe Puyo Puyo character figures.

Penny took her time in each section, with Eve happily following, Penny pointing out rare and unique games as Maaya recorded the tour. The artwork for many of the games was quite beautiful, with hand-painted manga-style illustrations on nearly all of them. The games’ original cardboard boxes were also packaged well in clear plastic sleeves, preventing fingerprints and other damage from the many browsing customers. Penny truly believed the store should be listed as a museum in official travel guides.

“Oh, Sailor Moon!” Eve exclaimed, finally finding something she not only recognised but actively enjoyed. Apparently, Japan was treated to an entire run of Sailor Moon games that had never made their way to North America, with a tonne of them on the Super Famicom.

The Sailor Moon section gave Eve an opportunity to speak to the Girls Mode viewers, with Eve explaining that she preferred the monster-of-the-week episodes to the high stakes fever dream finales, and how she preferred the slice-of-life scenes to the actual fighting. What she liked most about the fight scenes was the Sailor Scout outfits and transformation sequences.

She then struck Sailor Moon’s iconic pose, and some other customers asked Maaya if they could have their pictures taken with the blonde girl doing the anime poses. Maaya translated for Eve, and Eve accepted despite being slightly uncomfortable – in her mind, this was the price of fame for a YouTuber.

The trio moved up to the second floor, where the rest of the games could be found, everything ranging from the PlayStation era to software for contemporary systems like the Switch 2. Eve was lucky enough to get a Switch 2 for her birthday, while Penny still had the original Switch that had released when she was a toddler. Whenever Eve visited Penny, Penny asked Eve if the Switch 2 was coming with her.

While Penny basked in the glory of the retro sections, soaking in the history that emanated from their stylish jewel cases, Eve checked out the Switch 2 section, looking at the Japanese titles with tremendous curiosity. Maaya stuck with Eve, recording her reactions.

Eve spotted a case that featured Princess Rosalina on the cover, with no one else on it other than Lumas.

“What?!” she exclaimed as she lifted up the case.

“That’s Super Princess Rosalina,” Maaya told her in amusement. “You don’t have it in Canada?”

“What? No! If we had this, then I’d have it!”

Eve stared intensely at the box art, her mouth hanging open. It was what she had always dreamed of: a Mario game with 0% Mario and 100% Rosalina. Her brain was suddenly filled with different voices, some encouraging her to buy it (would such a game even have a language barrier?) and others trying to convince her not to spend so much money on the first day (who knows what else she might find?).

Eve was sweating while frozen in place. It was the most Penny-like she had ever felt. Finally, she put the case back on the shelf.

“Maybe I’ll come back for it,” she said to the camera with a smile.

Maaya stopped recording and handed Eve’s phone back to her.

“You’re getting a low battery,” Maaya said. “But you do have enough for a few more videos, if you find something else interesting.”

“In that case, we should find Penny and see how she’s holding up,” Eve suggested. “She’s either completely energised by all the games, or all the games have sapped her energy and left her enfeebled. I can never guess which it’ll be.”

Eve and Maaya located Penny between two CRT monitors, the left one running the attract mode for the first Ryū ga Gotoku (or Yakuza, as she knew it in Canada) and the right running Phantasy Star Universe’s, both on PlayStation 2. Penny was hypnotised by the left screen, its fictionalised depiction of Kabukicho reminding her that, yes, she really was in real-life Tokyo, something she had always dreamed of but never thought would one day become reality.

“Are you ready for the final level?” Maaya asked her.

“I don’t know if my heart can take it,” Penny said half-jokingly.

Maaya looked at her in concern. “Do you have a medical condition?”

“Penny’s medical condition is that she likes games a little too much,” Eve explained to Maaya with a smile.

“I think you’ll survive it,” Maaya told Penny reassuringly. “The last floor is a small arcade and snack shop.”

Maaya led them to the next set of stairs, which had some old prints of atmospheric Katsuya Terada fantasy artwork on display.

“Do you come here a lot?” Eve asked Maaya from behind as they ascended.

“No, but I try to learn the area in order to be helpful to tourists. Not just foreigners, but people visiting from elsewhere in Japan. The more helpful you are, the more likely it is the person you’re helping will get around to the maid café you told them about.”

“But you must like games if you work in Akihabara, right?”

The girls reached the final floor. Maaya turned to Eve and smiled.

“Of course, I like games. I don’t own any consoles, though – I do all my gaming on my phone.”

Eve and Maaya then turned to the spot Penny had been standing, but she was already gone, having disappeared into the arcade without a word.

“Oh, we need to record a video of her playing at a cabinet!” Eve said. “We missed our chance the last place we went.”

Eve and Maaya entered the small arcade in search of Penny. They were immediately struck by the unexpected jungle theme, with fake trees and plants set up around the game cabinets, including vines hanging down from the ceiling. The theming made more sense when they stumbled upon a life-size statue of Naked Snake from Metal Gear Solid 3, who was holding a broken wooden gun. Maaya figured the statue came first, with the jungle aesthetic thrown together afterwards.

Maaya took a picture of Eve as Eve copied Snake’s pose, her gun fingers pointing to the floor at an angle. Unlike Snake’s stoic look, however, Eve had a cheesy smile. She was thinking about how big a surprise the photo would be when she showed it to Penny. Maaya and Eve then exchanged contact information, so Maaya could take pics and vids with her own phone and send them to Eve at the end of the night.

“You’re like an unofficial member of Girls Mode now,” Eve told Maaya happily.

“You can pay me when you’re famous,” Maaya joked.

Eve thought about it for a moment.

“We should be thanking you for your help,” she said seriously. “If you see something really cool, and it’s not super expensive, I can buy it for you.”

Maaya smiled in amusement.

“No, I was only joking,” she said. “Please don’t. I’m happy to show Akiba to people. It’s a passion of mine, since I love it so much.”

“In that case, if you ever come to Canada, I’ll be the one to show you around!”

Maaya smiled warmly.

“I’d like that.”

Eve smiled back.

“We just have to be careful of the shadow people,” she said matter-of-factly while still smiling.

Maaya looked at Eve in confusion, unsure whether she was joking or not. Maaya and Eve then looked at Penny, who had appeared from the next row of cabinets. Penny looked at Eve with a somewhat haunted expression.

“I think something’s wrong with the arcade games in Japan,” she said.

“What do you mean?” Eve asked.

“I . . . I’ll show you,” Penny said. “Make sure you’re recording.”

Penny led the girls down the next aisle as if in slow motion, flicking glances left and right; it was as if she expected a digitised creature to jump out of one of the screens and attack them. Maaya recorded Penny from behind, following her like a camera in a third-person videogame. Maaya was also looking left and right, wondering what it was that had weirded out this shy girl from Canada.

Kandy by Fever Ray was playing over the PA.

Eventually Penny brought Eve and Maaya to the cabinet that had concerned her. The marquee made it clear it was a Marvel vs. Capcom 2 machine, but the screen was rapidly flickering black and white. Two players were sitting on the stools in front of it, their hands on the sticks and buttons, a look of concentration on the left player and a joyful smile on the right.

But their hands weren’t moving, and neither were their bodies, their expressions frozen unblinking on their faces. Maaya recorded the players, and at this point she was a bit freaked-out as well.

“Don’t look at the screens,” Maaya warned Penny and Eve seriously.

Penny and Eve then looked around them, and noticed that all of the screens were now flickering, and every single one of the players was frozen in place. They then glanced at the exit, having noticed some movement in that direction, and spotted one or two women just as they were leaving. They had only caught a glimpse, but they’d swear the figures were wearing black-and-pink maid outfits.

“Is it some type of seizure?” Eve asked Maaya.

“That seems most likely,” Maaya responded.

Maaya leaned down and spoke to the frozen Marvel vs. Capcom 2 players in Japanese, asking if they were okay. The players failed to respond.

“If it’s a seizure, we shouldn’t risk moving them,” Penny offered shakily.

Maaya nodded and contacted emergency services on her phone, explaining the situation as calmly and clearly as she could.

The girls then headed to the snack counter, hoping to find an unfrozen attendant, but the space past the counter was devoid of life, and they didn’t want to head into the small back room uninvited.

Their next thought was to head back down. They exited the arcade and went into the down-only elevator, where the only options were the emergency button and the button for street-level.

“What do you think they’re seeing?” Eve asked Penny curiously.

“What do you mean?” Penny asked back. “It’s just flickering screens.”

“But . . . what if they’re seeing what we saw in the other arcade?” Eve hypothesised. “It wasn’t normal, right? Maybe we were frozen, too.”

Penny looked at Eve, wondering if she was right. Then she looked down, not wanting Eve to see just how anxious she was.

The elevator door opened, and the girls stepped into a dark, shadowy hallway with flowers hand-painted on its wallpaper.

#Warm Blood #Girls Mode #web novel

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loreensdarling · 10 months

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LOREEN ANTIS DNI; MEN DNI; MINORS DNI; AGELESS BLOGS DNI; HOMOPHOBES DNI

READ PART ONE ABOVE, IF YOU HAVEN'T, THIS IS PART TWO

PART II

Plot: You're a singer in this year's Eurovision Song Contest. In the Semi Finals a few days back you scored enough points to secure your place for Poland in the finals and today is the big day. But a certain Swedish singer that you have a huge crush on will be there as well... How will you take it this time?

content warnings: afab!reader, mentioned anxiety, SMUT!!, teasing, semi public sex, head (r receiving), fingering (r receiving), overstimulation, lots and lots of praise and pet names

writers note: since the last oneshot got a rather positive feedback, i'm pretty okay with posting part two. I've never actually written smut, especially in english, so this is my first attempt. let me know what I can do better! constructive criticism only please

also, I'm sorry that it took so long! i hit a writers block and couldn't bring myself to finish this.

word count: 3.563

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You are sitting in the backstage area, in a small changing room and your hands and legs are shaking. There's not too much time before the finals start. It's maybe half an hour until the Event begins and you're up pretty early to sing for your country, in fourth place. That's why you are currently sitting in makeup.

Your nerves are almost through with it already, so you try to talk to your stylists throughout the next few minutes. Who they think is going to win, their personal favorites, their favorite songs this year. It doesn't help much to calm you down, but they're so nice to you. They even offer you some coffee, which you take, of course. You thank them over and over.

Your leg is shaking, up and down, you can't help it. It's the anxiety. And you try to think, calm down, maybe take a deep breath, but your lungs aren't functioning the way they're supposed to. Your anxiety is worse than in the Semi finals, there's so much more people here and so many people will be watching from their homes as well.

You don't want to disappoint them, your fans or your family. Shaking your head to yourself you try to push these thoughts back. You apologize profusely to your stylists when they almost mess up your makeup. They gently shake their heads, telling you to focus. You'll be able to do this, they assure you. You force out a laugh.

They laugh along and finish up your makeup and hair while your mind wanders to Loreen again. You've seen her last at the Semi Finals a few days ago. Your cheeks still go red when you think about the pet names the older woman had called you. You are so deeply in thoughts that you don't notice a knock on the door of the styling room.

The door opening finally snaps you out of those self-doubting and by now, nasty thoughts and coincidentally, the person that you've been thinking about walks in. You stare at her for a few seconds, your eyes wandering over her body. Pulling your eyes away from her is hard. She's only wearing a tanktop and sweatpants right now, she hasnt changed into that tight, gorgeous dress that she'd wear during her performance.

When you finally look away from her, you notice that your leg is still bobbing up and down. You can't keep it still, but you hope she won't notice. "Thought I'd find you here, Darling.", Loreen's rough voice cuts trough air as she closes the door behind herself. "You look nervous.", she slightly tilts her head to the side as she sits in a chair next to you. Of course, she has to get ready as well. You barely dare look at her as you nod.

"I'm pretty sure I'll be able to sing. But there's so much amazing competition, I don't think I'll place very high.", you confess your doubts after a few seconds. While you are here to meet people and not necessarily to win, winning would be amazing, of course. Not that you had much of a chance, you think to yourself.

You feel the older woman's eyes on you as she looks at you. You can see her watching you in the mirror, as you peak up. She chuckles softly. "It's totally okay to be nervous, Honey. I was super nervous as well when I competed the first time.", she reassured you. You tear your eyes away from her in the mirror and you nod slightly.

"I know.", you mumble. Why can't your stupid leg stop shaking? Oh, you hate it. She must think you're stupid, you curse yourself internally, what kind of idiot can't keep still? A second later you freeze when you feel a hand on your leg. Loreen has reached over and gently placed her hand on your leg.

"Breathe.", the older woman says, now looking directly at you instead of watching you through the mirror. You stare at her like a dear in the headlights, trying to do what she'd told you. You breathe in, but it sounds weird and abrupt, like your lungs are broken.

"Hey, look at me.", she demands gently and you look at her. "Follow my lead, yeah?", she breathes in deeply, her free hand signaling you to do the same. Again, you take a deep breath, trying to imitate her. "Hold it for a few seconds.", she instructs and you do what she tells you.

"Now breathe out, Darling.", Loreen lowers her hand in the air, your eyes wandering to her hand as you breathe out. Your gaze snaps right back to her, her lips, then you meet her gaze. "Again.", she nods at you and you breathe in deeply, hold it for a few seconds and then breathe out.

You repeat it one more time and you can feel yourself getting calmer, at least a little bit. Your leg has stopped shaking, even though you aren't sure if that was the breathing or just Loreen's insanely attractive hand that is still placed on your thigh. She's brushing her thumb over your thigh and you think you must faint on the spot.

"Well done, Darling", she praises, "Remember to breathe through it. Don't take in other people's nervous energy, it will just hurt you in the end.", she states, still looking at you with an intense gaze that you are barely able to hold. Your eyes keep wandering down to places they shouldn't be. Her lips, her hands, her chest.

As you look back up you pray she hasn't noticed that your gaze keeps falling to inappropriate places, but she's smirking at you. Of course she has noticed. Is there anything she doesn't notice? Your cheeks immediately flush a deep red. It takes everything in you to not jump up and run away right now and stay seated instead.

Your gaze falls back to her lips as she opens her mouth to speak again. "You know, there's another way to relieve that tension and anxiety...", the raven haired older woman suggests, her rough voice sending shivers down your spine once again. It takes you a few seconds to fully understand what she was suggesting.

You stare at her in disbelief, your mouth slightly open. Is she really suggesting that she could fuck you to relieve your anxiety? "H-Hold on-", you laugh nervously, her hand that is still on your thigh feels like it's burning through your pants, into your skin. "Hold on. Just to make sure we're on the same page here, you mean-?"

"I could fuck you.", Loreen confirms, smiling gently at you, head slightly tilted. "Orgasms are a wonderful way to relieve tension. Not just that, but it has a calming effect on the body.", she explains, "Only if you want, though. I won't force you. Just know that this offer is standing."

You stare at her for a few more seconds, painfully aware of her hand on your thigh. You wish her hand was somewhere entirely else. Finally, you nod, slowly. You want and need her hand somewhere else than your thigh, desperately, even.

Loreen smirks at you and gets up from her chair, walking over to a small couch. Looking back at you she pats it, calling you over. You get up like in a trance, following her. "Sit down, Honey. Try to relax.", she purrs, pushing you down into the soft cushions. Your breath hitches as she bends over you, just like she did a few days ago.

Except this time you two are in a dressing room. All alone. Not in front of thousands of people. With her having all power over you, with her being free to do to you what she wants. "Oh, Darling, you're so tense...", her hands brush over your thighs, higher than before. You gasp lightly.

"Relax a little.", Loreen repeats as she spreads your legs slightly, getting on her knees and sitting between your legs. You stare at her, your eyes wandering down to her chest. Of course you had sex before, even though it's been a while, but even in your wildest dreams you never, ever thought you'd be in this situation. You in a dressing room at the Eurovision Song Contest, with your biggest crush between your legs, teasing you and offering to fuck you to calm your anxiety.

For a second you think about chickening out but you know that you'd probably run away and abandon the entire contest all together because of your anxiety. "Take a deep breath", Loreen reminds you, her hands resting on your waist for now, fingers hooked into your pants waistband. "Just breathe. We don't have to do this, it's just an offer."

Immediately you shake your head. "No, no, I want you to help me.", you croak out, clearing your throat. "I want this.", you say, more confident and clear now. You really want this, you know she's right and that this will help. And also, the woman you have the most spiraling crush on is making your wildest dream come true. Why would you, in any world, say no to this?

The Swedish woman nods gently. "Alright, Darling. Up.", she commands, pulling down your pants as you lift your hips up for her. "Mhm, look at that...", she almost purrs and your cheeks grow embarrassingly red again when you feel her fingertips brush over the insides of your thigh, then over the growing wet spot on your panties. You bite your lip to hold back a moan.

It's been a while since a woman had last touched you this way, you haven't slept with a woman since you'd left your last relationship, so you're a little sensitive now. The older woman chuckles, looking up at you with a smirk, taking in the view for a second before moving your panties aside.

You bite your lip harder when she drags a finger through your wet folds. "Shit.", you curse out loud. "Darling, you'll have to keep quiet for me. Can you do that, Honey?", the Swedish singer asked, leaning closer. Of course, you two shouldn't get caught or this would be all over the internet.

You manage to nod, assuring her. Whatever she asked of you. "I can keep quiet.", you promise, as you pull her closer. She nods, beginning to pepper light kisses over the inside of your thigh, teasing you a little.

One of her hands finds its way to your waist and you place your hand on her arm. Her thumb lightly brushes over your waist as she gets closer to your hot, wet core. Impatiently you bite your lip, a second later you gasp out loud when she places a kiss on your clit.

Right then you remember to stay quiet and you slap a hand over your mouth, even though you feel the need to moan embarrassingly loud. A soft whimper escapes your mouth when she squeezes your hip. "Quiet.", she reminds you and you're barely able to nod. God, she has barely started and you are already worked up.

She places another kiss on your clit and your head falls back, your eyes fluttering close when she goes deeper, licking through your folds before diving her tongue into you. A series of moans and whimpers sounds muffled through your hand, your hips bucking towards her. She pushes you back down with ease.

"Shhh, Darling... Let me do this for you.", she mutters into your folds, beginning to suck at your clit and flick her tongue over your sensitive bud. You have to bite your hand to hold back the ungodly sounds that are escaping your mouth as she works her wonders.

"Look at me, Darling.", she demands, and you pry your eyes open and lift your head to look at her. The sight alone almost makes you cum. You watch her as she eats you out and she holds eye contact with you. Fuck, that God damn eye contact could make you cum alone.

Suddenly she pulls away and you whine out her name at the loss of contact. "Loreen-" "Shhh, Honey.", she brushes her free hand over the inside of your thighs, before flicking her thumb over your clit. You're at a loss for words when she gently eases a finger into you.

You're so embarrassingly wet, and the noises escaping your words are surely going to prevent you entrance at the pearly gates once it's time, but this is definitely worth it.

Slowly she begins to move her finger in you, curling it lightly, hitting just the right spot to make you see stars. You moan into your hand that is still covering your mouth, grinding against her hand.

"You're so wet for me...", the raven haired singer is still holding eye contact with you. She kisses your clit and you whine, bucking your hips towards her again. "You're doing so good, Darling.", she praises, easing another finger into you.

This time you can't prevent the truly guttural moan that slips your lips. It was muffled due to your hand covering your mouth, but it was still extremely loud. Loreen squeezes your hip lightly as a reminder to stay quiet, but oh, it's so hard to stay quiet when she begins to move her fingers in you again, hitting just the right spot.

You watch her eat you out, how she toys with your sensitive bundle of nerves, flicks her tongue over it and sucks at it. The tight coil in your stomach that has begun forming a while ago seems to be so close to exploding.

Your cunt pulses around her fingers and you grind against her hand, matching her rythm. She eases a third finger into you. "Come on, Darling, you can take another one. You're doing so well.", she praises, lightly kissing your inner thigh before going back to eating you out. Her fingers are moving at their own pace and you're matching it.

"I- fuck", you stammer, as you feel yourself nearing your height. "I'm- I-", you stutter.

"Use your words, Honey.", Loreen encourages you, keeping her pace up perfectly to barely keep you on edge. "I'm about to cum", you manage to bring out.

The older woman smiles at you. "Good, Darling.", she praises, moving her thumb around your clit in circles. "Cum for me. You're doing so well, Darling. Let go of it.", she encourages you and your eyes flutter close when that tight coil in your stomach finally releases. For a moment you only see stars, and breathing becomes a little harder.

Loreen's fingers keep moving in and out of you, easing you through your truly mind blowing orgasm. But it doesn't end there. She squeezes your hip encouragingly. "Look at me, Honey.", she asks of you and you pry your eyes open, watching her through half-lidded eyes.

Your brain is foggy, no, it was entirely mush. The gorgeous woman sitting in between your legs had given you such a mind blowing orgasm that you are barely able to think at all. After all, it's been a few years since someone fucked you.

"Look at me.", she repeats, smiling gently at you as she slowly keeps moving her fingers in you. You whimper in response. "Can you give me another one, Darling?" Another whimper escapes your throat as you manage to nod, whatever she asks of you.

"You're doing so good, so, so good.", she praises you and you're basically beaming at that praise. She softly chuckles at you, before gently kissing your clit. You bite down on your lip, sighing, and your hips buck towards her face. Everything in you is tingling, you're sensitive and your body responds just perfectly to Loreen's movements.

"Such a good girl, Darling.", she whispers, her satisfied voice sending a shiver through your whole body when her warm breath hits your sensitive bud. "You're such a good girl.", she speeds up her finger movements, hitting just the right spots in you to make you see stars.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-", you breathe out, matching her speed and thrusting your hips forwards with her movements. Your head falls back again and your eyes flutter shut the same moment that you begin to see stars again. Loreen curls up her fingers in you, hitting that spongy spot and making you cry out.

The thought of staying quiet has completely left your brain, as if you could even think right now. The only thought on your mind is the gorgeous, older woman between your legs, the image of her eating you out has burned itself into your mind and thoughts, behind your eyelids. Even with your eyes closed you feel like you can see her right in front of you.

The Swedish woman curls up her fingers again, picking up the pace just by a little bit, but that's enough for you to feel that tight coil in your stomach again. "I-I'm-... Fuck-"

Loreen squeezes your hip encouragingly, not faltering in her pace. "Use your words, Honey. Come on, tell me.", she encourages, God, that nickname alone could push you over the edge again. "Can I-... Fuck. Can I cum, please, I can't-", you basically beg her, you're so close, you need relief.

"Look at me, Darling, open your eyes and look at me.", she asks of you and again, you pry your eyes open, looking down at her through half shut lids. "Good.", she praises, smiling gently at you. "Cum for me, Darling.", she says, keeping eye contact with you as she attaches her lips to your sensitive bud.

You fall apart immediately as that tight coil in your stomach unravels and your body relaxes. Your every thought is like wiped away and you stare at Loreen mindlessly, your mouth slightly open in a silent moan. Your hand is grasping her arm, she's gently guiding you through your second orgasm. You ride out your high, your brain still scrambled when she pulls her fingers out of you.

Her fingers are coated with your cum and your eyes widen slightly when she sucks them off. It takes you a while to actually come down from your high and to begin thinking again. Shit. The competition. You must be up soon. You want to jump up, you have to tell your stylists to finish your makeup, but your legs give in beneath you. You would've fallen if it wasn't for Loreen, the woman who literally just gave you two mind blowing orgasms. You have to admit that you're much calmer than before, well, you were.

"Calm down, Darling. Breathe.", she reminds you and you suck in a deep breath. "Right, I- I forgot.", you admit. "When am I up?", you chuckle nervously. The raven haired woman nods towards a small screen. You're up in two acts, the competition has barely started. You suck on another breath, nodding. "I can do this.", you reaffirm yourself and Loreen nods.

"I believe in you, Darling.", she smiles at you, innocently even, as if she hadn't just blown your brains out a minute ago. You chuckle, shaking your head. "Shit. I hope no one heard me. I didn't even know I could produce noises like that." You brush a strand of hair out of your face, checking your makeup in a mirror. You're surprised to see that it was still perfect and you silently thank your stylists. Speaking of thanking someone-

You turn back to Loreen, your cheeks still flushed red as you look at the insanely attractive older woman. "Thank you.", you manage to bring out relatively confident. "This was- exactly what I needed.", you admit. "Oh, that sounds stupid.", as you huff out, Loreen chuckles, shaking her head. "I'm happy to help, Honey.", she winks at you, making you blush again.

"No, seriously. Thank you, Loreen.", a warm smile spreads across your face. "... Tell me if I can ever return the favor.", you take out your phone and open your message app, handing it to her. As if she would ever just give you her number like that, right?

But she takes your phone indeed, smiling and putting her number into your phone, before handing it back to you. "Good luck, Darling.", Loreen wishes you before leaving the room, faster than you could react. You just stand there dumbfounded before shaking it off, getting ready for your entry.

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#loreen #loreen esc #loreen euphoria #loreen tattoo #esc 2023 #eurovision 2023 #lesbian #loreen esc x reader #wlw #wlw smut #wlw ns/fw #loreen x reader #loreen talhaoui

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kasdeyathebitterwoman · 2 years

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Living with Paul: Mornings

Hi Team!

Long time no talk! I haven’t written (or posted anything I’ve written) in a while! Life got crazy, then depression hit, and now I’m starting to get back to something I love. My current hyperfixation is Paul Bullion, so please enjoy this poorly written head cannon about mornings with this 6′3″ hunk of ginger joy.

Waking Up

-he's up before the sun

-first breakfast is the same: porridge with some kind of fruit and black coffee

-before you’ve even had a chance to roll over, he’s out the door and in the gym

-unlike you, Paul works out in the mornings. That’s his time for self-reflection and self-care

-after the gym, it’s back home to get started with the rest of his day

-he’s careful not to wake you up while he's in the washroom, but his constant need to hum to himself wakes you up - not that you mind

-it’s one of your favorite things about living with him

Music; all the music

-most mornings it’s a YouTube playlist on the telly, but today it’s a vinyl record from your collection

-(your wall of records was a non-negotiable when the two of you moved in together. Paul’s orders, not yours)

-on some slower mornings, you’ll wake up to him strumming on the guitar, singing a Paulo Nutini song

Dancing

-Paul wants to be as close to you as possible at all times

-because he doesn’t want to crawl back in bed, he lures you out with the sweet smell of coffee

-the moment your feet hit the floor, it’s over

-Paul has snatched you into his arms and is spinning you around the flat

-okay, you’re mostly swaying since your brain hasn’t completely caught up with your body, but that’s okay

-Paul doesn’t need a Dancing Queen, he just needs you, half smiling, half grumbling as he holds you close

Breakfast

-official (second) breakfast time is a team effort

-you make eggs while Paul makes pancakes (Remember, this is his second. He’s basically a very tall hobbit)

-once everything is ready, sitting down to eat is a quiet affair

-but there’s nothing awkward about it; it’s like sitting comfortably with your best friend

Touch

-Paul needs to be touching you in some capacity when you are together

-every chance he gets, he finds a reason to touch you

-a hand at the small of your back; gentle caresses down your arms; a light, playful smack of your bum

-his hand on your knee under the table while y’all are eating

-he’s not possessive, he just wants to know that you’re close and vice versa

No Technology

-Paul is known for sharing a good deal of his life online

-but when he’s with you, he makes a point to leave the phone behind

-in fact, there’s a rule in your household: no technology during meal times

-you love your uninhibited, uninterrupted time with him

-it’s especially important when he’s filming

-Paul’s job can have him pulled in 80 different directions, so it’s nice to have even 30 minutes with just him

Saying Goodbye

-this is the hardest part of the day for you both

-without fail, Paul finds every reason to stay holding you close to him

-if he could, he’d stay at home, holding you, running his fingers through your hair

-but you both have work

-Paul rides off on his bike and you immediately feel the loss of his presence

-it’s not just cold without him, but it’s quiet - too quiet

-there was a time when you valued the silence, but now it feels wrong; like an essential piece of you is missing

-before you’ve even had a chance to fully miss him, though, Paul has sent you a silly video or photo of his commute

-that’s one thing you can count on: no matter how far away he is, your ginger will always find a way back to you

#paul bullion #paul bullion head cannon #paul bullion fanfic #paul bullion fan fiction #fanfic #fanfic writing #writing #kasdeya writes #please don't judge me too harshly #this is the first thing i've confidently written in weeks

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the-rogue-mockingjay · 1 year

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Writer's end-of-year roundup, 2022! 🎉🎆

Despite the myriad hardships of the year for me - losing my old beagle, fighting doctors, a completely stupid amount of grief/loss, migraines and disability oh my! - it's actually been an amazingly productive and inspired year? I'm very proud! I completed the second draft of my first-ever longfic, which needs another round of editing or two before it's ready to be published, and I've discovered I LOVE editing. More than I love writing, actually????? Lots of people talk about the Dreaded Editing but for me, it was vastly easier than writing the first draft was LOL. I also did what I thought I would never do, which is create another Shepard, Morrigan Vesta, and I actually wrote mostly about her during NaNoWriMo this year. I'm finally getting the hang of how to give characters unique voices (or portray a canon character's voice accurately, which is something I used to be extremely hung up on). I can honestly say I've made a lot of progress both as a person and as a writer this year, and I'm finally starting to find my joy in writing again. Very exciting!

Taking a page out of @pikapeppa 's book in how to format this year's data- I love seeing your charts every year!! My own chart ended up being quite a bit messier, but that's probably because of how I tweaked it to fit my fics. I apologize deeply if the image quality gets butchered, I am not wise in the ways of battling Tumblr's nonsense

(HEY GUESS WHO FORGOT A FIC......the one I forgot is Marevera's Dream, which is a Wayfarer post-Ep 1 pre-Ep 2 WIP, and it clocks in at 1,174 words, making my actual total 60,486!!!!!)

*I forgot to note that In this darkness, on my own is a followup to A New and Dark Horizon.

60K........DUDE!!! I haven't written that much since junior high/I got my depression diagnosis in like 2016, so this is. Big!

New things I tried: For starters, I paced myself during NaNo instead of forcing myself to write every day like I did during NaNo 2020. And WOW was that a night-and-day difference! In 2020, I wrote about 20k and burned myself out so bad I couldn't write for another 6-8 months. This year, I wrote about 30k, and only sat down to write about half the days, successfully dodging burnout. I think that's a valuable lesson for me in what works for me, how to balance my desire to write with what I'm actually capable of that day, and how to work with my disability without letting it limit me.

I also wrote in first person for the first time in maaaaaany years, and while it's not as comfy as third person, it wasn't bad, and it was a good way to explore the different strengths of POVs.

And since my laptop had a fatal encounter with a cup of coffee last spring (RIP little buddy), I've gotten very comfy writing on my phone, which I had previously only done for Across the Sea and Part 1 & Part 3 of broken body built anew because I was bored/inspired during a long car ride LOL.

Fic I spent the most time on: Going Over Jordan, easy. I originally wrote it during NaNo 2020, then re-wrote it at some point during 2021 (time is a weird soup so I don't remember). And then I rewrote it AGAIN this year, edited the crap out of it, printed it, and will edit it again sometime in 2023. It's a fic that exists purely because I am at times a spiteful little goblin, and I had Opinions about the MEA main mission Hunting the Archon, i.e. I didn't agree with how Bioware wrote the companions' responses to Ryder's temporary death, and my Ryder is also an anxious neurodivergent wreck like myself, so I wanted to write how that mission would have actually gone with Brynja as Pathfinder. I wanted to highlight the relationships Brynja has with her friends (particularly Jaal), and I also just wanted her take on the mission in general, because it's not the same as what's in-game. I mean....a lot of people die gruesome deaths in that mission and you see the aftermath, you see the gutted and maimed corpses. There's a lot of horror inherent to what Bioware wrote for that mission, but they glossed over it big time. I wanted to fix that.

I'd like to have someone beta read it, but Andromeda is a niche market as it were, and I've never had anyone beta my work before, so that's honestly the biggest reason it's not published yet. It would benefit greatly from beta reading I think, but uh. I don't know how to make that happen. I'm gonna publish the dang thing in 2023 or 2024 at the latest, though, even if it kills me DGKLJDHLG.

Fic I spent the least time on: I can't say for certain, but it's probably the microfics. Those took only a couple hours. Aside from those, not counting WIPs, it'd most likely be Across the Sea, which I wrote on my phone while sitting on the kitchen floor.

Favorite thing I wrote: ALMOST ALL OF THEM. In all seriousness though, there are a few that have a special place in my heart, and the most important one is Across the Sea. I'd been wanting to explore how Marian processes/copes with Thane's death pretty much since the day I created her, but I never got around to putting any of it on paper until the time came for me to say goodbye to my dog, a 17yo beagle named Maggie we adopted in 2019, last February.

It was an absolutely hellish series of events just in those few days alone: I had a sleep study done which gave me the worst migraine of my life, I threw up in a random parking lot, went home and tried to sleep the migraine off, and was woken up a few hours later to my mom sitting on my bed and saying, quietly, "Maggie's dying". My migraine quit mattering at that point. I sat with her on the couch for hours, held her paw, petted her softly. My parents took turns sitting with her in the living room overnight.

Ultimately, she was just suffering so much for so long we had to take her to the vet. It was a weekend, so it was going to be hours before they opened. Maggie got up and stumbled to the kitchen, and she laid down in front of the door to the garage, and I just...sat with her. There was nothing I could do to help or save her, so I kept her company in her last hours. In the midst of moving and the uncertainty surrounding my health, my new disabilities, traumatizing doctor appointment after traumatizing doctor appointment, I was having to say goodbye to the greatest light and joy of my life a mere 6 months after we lost the dog we've had since I was 3 years old (a shih tzu named Reggie, who wore the pride of his breed like a royal mantle and never stopped carrying himself like a king, even when he didn't recognize us anymore).

Maybe it's silly to compare the loss of a dog to the loss of a lover, but...things just clicked in my brain. I wrote Across the Sea for and about Thane and Marian, yes, but it was for me and my beagle, too, in equal measure. Thane was terminally ill but even so he died quite unexpectedly (THANKS KAI LENG), and the same was true of Maggie. So it was....maybe it's a silly thought, but it was a vent piece. I understood my grief through the lens of Marian's, since hers was so much easier to tackle than my own in its huge overwhelming weight. I'm a very private person with big emotions, and my grief was - and is - a very personal thing. Something I needed to keep close to my chest, hidden, at the time. To write Marian's grief as I waited with Maggie for the inevitable, it was like I had a companion, a friend sitting with me in that grief. I understood Marian much better then.

So perhaps mechanically speaking, Across the Sea isn't my best piece (I'm honestly not certain where it ranks quality-wise), but it is....the writing equivalent of those pendants that carry your loved one's ashes, for me. And it's done quite well on AO3. Knowing that people have enjoyed this piece that is so precious to me and comes from a place of such deep sorrow...there is no greater honor I could ask for, I think. It's a fitting tribute to a character and franchise I love, that's gotten me through many hard times, and to the beagle that made the horrors of life worth living.

(Aside from that, my other favorites are broken body built anew (first trilogy piece), Going Over Jordan (first longfic), In this darkness on my own, Farewell to Arms, Des profondeurs dans la nuit, and the ME3 early game Morrilenko duology Never Enough/In the shadow of your heart.)

Favorite thing I read: Imma be real with you chief, I have.....not read much. Not as far as books go, anyway. But I've sure read some amazing fic and interactive fiction games!!

I reread a bunch of stuff, partly to examine the technical strengths of my fave writers and stories, and partly because hey, they're my favorite stories!! Off the top of my head, the pieces I reread were: Flotsam, Ain't Sentimental, and Loose Ends by @asaara-writes; Sorrow and Resistance by @/myrini; and while I didn't get the chance to reread/finish these like I'd hoped, A Lesson in Drowning by @theherocomplex, Where the Winds of Fortune Take Me and Lovers in a Dangerous Time by pikapeppa are bookmarked both on AO3 and in my brain for the same reasons as the shorter pieces

everything @coldshrugs has written in the past year or two. Both as a writer and as a reader, shorter form fiction is more accessible to my migraine-addled brain (I love reading long stuff but it's often migraine trigger T^T) and Azia's a MASTER of short fiction???? So much punch packed into such concise words!! Incredible clarity and emotional depth!!!! There are many writers on this site that I admire and respect greatly, and Azia is one of them

My favorite IF this year is 100% Wayfarer (@/idrellegames). I haven't been able to focus on it as much as I'd have liked, but the COMPLEXITY the DEPTH. I'm in awe of it and Idrelle. The scope of the project is so massive and the intrigue and depth of the story and characters is incredible to see, Idrelle is a one-person-army of a writer. It'd be easy to think that Wayfarer is made by a team, but nope! It's all the genius and dedication of Idrelle. Having followed Wayfarer from the beginning, the only words I can describe it is awe-inspiring

My writing goals are going in a separate post because this is about 19 times longer than I meant it to be DHFLJKDSLKJHG. If you've read this far, thank you so much!!!!!!! I know it probably got a little more personal and a little bit sadder than you were expecting, so thanks for sticking with me- and I don't blame you an ounce if you skim-read this or skipped some sections. It's a lot of words!

Happy New Year, everyone!! You guys make Tumblr great, and without the people I've met through this site, I would've missed out on not only tons of awesome media, but all y'all super cool folks and your blorbos!!! Keep on creating, everybody. Your stories, your art, your headcanons and metas and dumb jokes, you bring light into my life, and the lives of others. I want you to know that your works bring comfort and happiness to the life of one lost and drifting young woman...and I want to thank you for it, sincerely. I know for a fact I'm not the only person whose life is made better by your presence. The fact that we haven't met in-person doesn't lessen your impact by an ounce.

#rogue writes #writing roundup #tw animal death #yeah a lot of my titles are just random lyrics but hey i'm a very musical person lol

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oldsalempost-blog · 1 year

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The Old Salem Post

Our Local Tamassee-Salem SC Area News each Monday except holidays Contact: [email protected] Distributed to local businesses, town hall, library. Volume 7 Issue 5 Week of December 19, 2022 https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/oldsalempost-blog Lynne Martin Publishing

EDITOR: This will be the closing issue of Old Salem Post for the 2022 year. Our staff will enjoy the next two Mondays for the holidays and will be refreshed to see what 2023 has in store. The older I get the faster it goes. And, I have a lot I would like to accomplish in the New Year! Lord Willing! I hope and pray you and your family have wonderful moments together. Cherish the time! LRMartin

TOWN OF SALEM: We will close Dec 21, at 12noon until Dec 28, 8am. *Downtown Market every Sat. 8am-12pm. Place a memory ornament for your loved ones on the Town tree all month long. Next Town Council meeting Jan 17, 2023.

. ASHTON RECALLS By Ashton Hester COMMUNITY WELL SERVED RURAL SALEM RESIDENTS - (Last week I posted a story written by Doris Rogers in 1977 regarding the death of Erby Bennett's mule, which he had owned for 40 years. Following is another story by Doris, in which Mr. Bennett was also involved. It was in the January 12, 1977 issue of the Keowee Courier. Due to its length, I am only posting half of the story this week and will post the second half next week). . .Days were lazy back then, especially summer days. . .Early in the morning on those summer days people of the Fall Creek community above Salem came to the community well to get their water for the day. Water to drink, water to cook with, for washing clothes, cars, for bathing and for watering the animals. . .And as they waited their turn at the windlass, the people dreamed and shared their hopes for the future. . .In 1935 this well was dug by the three Bennett boys, Vondiver, Erby and Oliver, and their friend Tommy Hancock. By hand, with picks, shovels, ropes and buckets, they worked their way down 55 feet to what was and still is the best-tasting water in the area. . .Over the years 15 families have been serviced by the community well--eight families at one time--which still has the original windlass. There in Bennettsville, Route 2, Salem, stands the provider and old friend, which now has a new cement-block box. . .Several times new residents wanted to put pumps into the well to prevent walking and carrying their buckets of water, but the two older Bennett men wouldn't allow it. Their reasoning was that unequal consumption would result in unfair advantages and would eventually leave the well dry. . .TO BE CONCLUDED NEXT WEEK

JOCASSEE VALLEY BREWING COMPANY,(JVBC)& COFFEE SHOP13412 N Hwy 11 Open WED-BLUE GRASS JAM 6:30pm-9pm –THURS: OLD TIME JAM. Fri–8am-9. Call 864-873-0048 CLOSED Sat and Sun : CLOSED CHRISTMAS EVE and CHRISTMAS DAY. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

ADVENT SEASON: The 4th Advent Candle was lit on Sunday: The candle of Peace for all mankind. On Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, the white center candle of Christ will be lit to welcome the Christ Child, Emanuel, God with us.

SHARING: Recently, I stood on my porch and looked at some maple trees I planted, from one gallon cans. They are huge now. Mixed with them now are oaks, pines, cedars and dogwoods. All of the trees have a foliage that is green, but different shades of green depending on the season. We must take time during our busy lives and enjoy the wonders of Nature, God created. Let us be thankful during this time as we celebrate the arrival of Jesus Christ, AMARTIN

O HOLY NIGHT: The beloved Christmas song “O Holy Night” was banned from churches in 1847 because the poem was written by an atheist and French poet, Placide Cappeau, and composed by a Jew, Adolphe Adam. Imagine the feelings you would never have experienced if that song of unity and serenity of Christ’s birth had never been heard. The story is told in the Franco-Prussian War of 1871, a French soldier started singing “O Holy Night” on Christmas Eve. In the middle of battle, the soldier stood up, unarmed from his trench and faced the Germans as he began singing the hymn. Germans in return sang a carol of their own language. The war ceased for 24 hours, and soldiers from both camps celebrated Christmas before returning to battle. Since 1933 the cherished hymn has gained wide acceptance.

JOTTINGS BY JEANNIE: Wreaths Across America; Remember, HONOR, TEACH After your family has enjoyed opening presents and savoring the holiday meal take a stroll through Salem United Methodist's cemetery. This year we are honoring our veterans by decorating their graves with Maine-grown Balsam Wreaths decorated with red velvet bows. Debbie Kimbrell, Patsy Earnhardt and I have been working on this project since August. As the wreaths are being placed on graves, I have the honor of reading the veterans names, ensuring that their legacy of duty, service, and sacrifice is never forgotten. You Queens of Isaqueena! You Kings of Keowee! Wishing you JOY at Christmas and Always! MIZ JEANNIE

EAGLES NEST ART CENTER , 501c3, 4 Eagle Lane, Salem Christmas Gift Idea: Name a Seat in the Eagles Nest Auditorium is now open to the general public and community. Single person, $200, Family or couples, $250. Contact [email protected] or Darlene 864-710-8758. Let ENAC hang a Memory Ornament for you on the Tree Downtown Salem for $10. Or, give a donation to honor or in memory of a loved one. STRING LESSONS?: $10 each group class. Contact [email protected] or 864-280-1258. Give a Gift of Music! ENAC REGULAR meeting Monday, January 2, 2023 at 5pm. UPCOMING PERFORMANCES IN 2023: MOUNTAIN FAITH BAND: ENAC welcomes this family Bluegrass/Gospel band from Sylvia, N.C. On JAN.14 at 7PM TICKETS $20 Available at the Town of Salem or call 864-280-1258.

OCONEE MOUNTAIN OPRY JAN. 21 TICKETS $10.

WOMEN ENCOURAGING WOMEN: FEB. 21 1PM-4PM A Love Offering will be taken. * This is a wonderful event for our local churches to help sponsor. *

ARE YOU IN NEED OF A COAT OR SOCKS? Call Missy at 864-944-8732 Community Food Bank through local churches. No one should be hungry for food or love: Contact Teresa and James Barker at 944-0258

GOLDEN CORNER FOOD PANTRY: Tamassee-Salem mobile food pantry. Pick up at Salem First Baptist Church second Saturday each month. 10am-12pm . Anyone on EBT ( food stamps) will automatically apply. Call for more information the Golden Corner Food Pantry 864-882-3610.

WEDDINGS AT TAMASSEE: BRIDE-TO-BE TEA PARTY. TOUR OUR VENUE OPTIONS. VISIT WITH WEDDING VENDORS. REFRESHMENTS PROVIDED. SUNDAY, JANUARY 8, 2023 3PM-5PM, SOUTH CAROLINA COTTAGE. COST $10 BRIDE AND 1 GUEST. REGISTER BY CALLING 864-944-1390

Christmas Gift Ideas: Give your burdens to God. Then give lots of Love, Hugs and Smiles so they can be returned anytime!

Check on your neighbor! Stay warm! LRM

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mirrorthoughts · 2 years

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#shareyourprocess tag game!

As promised, here my answers :3 thanks @orphicpoieses for tagging me <3 I'm going to talk about my Mini Steter Bang-Wip "On The Other Side" here (though I might make another post with my original story "The Carridan Constellations" over on @pencilcoreandgreenleafheart as soon as I've done the intro posts I want to make over there 😂)

Rules: When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

Inspiration: I usually see something - a phrase/prompt, an image, another story, etc. - where I then go "Oh, that would just fit so well to my blorbos!" and kinda play with the idea/thoughts. And if it's got a certain... feel of opacity, of something more being there and sentences and scenes and dialoge pops into my head, well I'm starting to write 😂 This time I actually was on my way from work and there's a very small coffee shop in the lower part of an apartment building. And on the other side right across a small street, there is the exact same apartment building with the exact same kind of shop area inside.

And I looked at the shops, one completely in the sun and one completely in the shadows and my mind went to: "Oh, that's why it's called "Sonnenwinkel" (the name of the coffee shop - literal translation "Sunny Angle" or "Sunny Corner")! So funny that the other building is completely in the shadow! Light and Dark! It would be so fun if there was another coffee shop in the other building, like.. "Zur Schattenseite" (liteally "To The Shadow/Dark Side"; I had to laugh so much when I translated it the first time. And yes there will be a "Come to 'The Dark Side' we have cookies!"-joke somewhere in there! 😂) or something. With different opening hours of course, otherwise the second coffee shop wouldn't really be able to make any profit here. There isn't much else here other than apartment buildings..." The idea of a coffee shop that's open during the night already occupies my brain since I've played "Coffe Talk", a Visual Novel Game, a few years ago. (It's a great game and available for pc and switch and maybe others? Really, I love the shit out of that thing! It's got such a brilliant atmosphere and lovable characters and it's got a contemporary fantasy setting and I just love it! xD)

And yeah, that's kinda how that Idea started to take form xD That it became Steter was kinda an association game bc I thought about who would run these shops and it would be funny if a person/type of creature (because I always want a bit of magic/fantasy in my stories) that's normally associated with darkness would run the sunny shop and someone associated with the light the night/dark shop and, well, who's associated with darkness more than werewolves and vampires? And when my mind goes to werewolves it most definitely lands on Steter atm 😂😂😂 Preparation: I use Scrivener for all of my writing projects since around 2012 or smth. So I do have my templates and projects etc. So the only thing I actually did to prepare was to start my "Fanfiction"-Project, create a sub-folder in my "Teen Wolf"-folder and add a Note where I put in the photos I made (because yes, I immediately had to make photos of both buildings), and the first vague ideas for the story - maybe 4-5 bulletpoints/half formed sentences about who, what, where, some details (like that I wanted to call the other coffee shop "Zur Schattenseite", that I wanted to play with something moon/night-magic-y thing and something sun/day-magic-y thing, etc.). Otherwise I actually didn't do much 😂 Though for larger projects I do prepare their own Scrivener projects for them.

Process: Honestly? I just write 😅 For me it's usually the case, that the last 1-2 written sentences inspire/prompt the next few bits of what I'm going to write. I do have vague ideas of where I want to go but I mostly kinda write from sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph until it feels finished. That said, my process started to change over the last year or maybe longer. I never really edited in the beginning and thus liked to write myself into a corner - or I edited a scene so much that I lost all hope and left a project. Due to the last few years where I participated (and won) NaNoWriMo I finally lost (or at least loosened) my 'the scene is only finished writing when it's perfect' approach I had for a very long while and I'm still in the process of figuring out editing a mess into something tangible 😅 So yes, everything I have on AO3 is un-edited aside from spelling/grammar and the fact that I had to translate the english stuff since my native language is German and I only really started to write in english instead of writing in German first about a year ago 😅 For "On The Other Side" I also tried to have at least a vague plan because, since it's my first fandom event and I do have a deadline I tried to make it somehow manageable for me. So I wrote some very rough organizational notes in my Bullet Journal (like, how many words am I aiming for, how many plot points/parts do I think I will have, 1-2 sentences as summary for each part, etc.) and copied those down into Scrivener. So at the moment I'm just writing down a dirty draft that I then want to edit and yeah. New process and all 😅 Still, most of it is just... writing.

Thoughts: First: It's kinda interesting to write all that down. I mean the Inspiration-part mostly lives in my brain aside from the vague notes in Scrivener and what I told friends and the preparation and process parts are something I don't think about very much, since I actually do see it as 'I just write and put stuff in folders so I can find it again' (the details kinda just... come with me thinking about the project, I dunno. It's all very much according to 'that feels right'-feelings).

So yeah, I'm one of those annoying chaos mongrels 😅😂

Which, for short projects, isn't that problematic, but I also know that I'm really bad at long stuff - but I'm working on myself and growing and I know I'm getting better. Thus the vaguely coordinated approaches 😂 But I don't think I will loose the "I just write" approach anytime soon 😂 there will just be additions.

Thanks again for the tag @orphicpoieses <3 :3

And I'm tagging: @asher-orion-writes @perkynurples @aurevell @meggie-stardust @midmorning-bomb

#sei's writing #sei's brain bubbles #seikaze #tumblr games #tag games #writeblr #teen wolf #fanfiction #writing process

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cyanidetooth · 2 years

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CREAMO COYL presents FIVE RECORDS I GOT DURING QUARANTINE

CREAMO COYL presents

FIVE RECORDS I GOT DURING QUARANTINE

Architects Office - Caswallon The Headhunter [Silent; 1986]

Architects Office was a conglomeration from Boulder, Colorado, which is in the western half of the United States. Known primarily as a hippie haven, Boulder is, in actuality, boring as fuck. I once spent hours digging through a musty record store only to come up empty. Then again, at the time, I wasn’t hip to the Office. Probably flipped past a stack of sealeds, but I doubt it—this album exudes cool/weird vibes. In fact, the cover of Caswallon The Headhunter is a still from a Stan Brakhage film. As a sort of John Cage of cinema, Brakhage was an avant-garde institution, and Architects Office collaborated with him over a period of years. Based on a story written by Brakhage’s wife Jane, Caswallon The Headhunter’s full stage production included a theatrical backdrop, elaborate costumes, detailed choreography and original films, in addition to AO’s real-time soundtrack. Caswallon is the only proper vinyl offering that Architects Office managed to get out. Considering it was the salad days of home-taping and mail art, they mostly released cassettes. Architects Office was not possessive, as their name can testify. My copy is warped and the jacket is taped together, but it plays mostly fine and thus I am able to enter the mythical world of Caswallon whenever it strikes my fancy. A mist-shrouded olden time when “...nobody would shave their pubic hairs...” and warriors would “...use lime-wash to make their hairs stand on end” (punk!). Close your eyes and imagine what effect “The Third Ill-Fated Disclosure” had on a medieval past featuring King Arthur and the denizens of the British Isles contending with invading Vikings and the iron-fisted rule of the Roman Empire. As a man and a woman recite the narrative, tape manipulations engulf the surroundings. Sheets of synthetic noise rain down amid sounds of flung crockery, violent chewing and animals howling in the night. “Exhausted 329.4” foregrounds heavy, labored breathing that segues from faintly erotic to possibly torture-induced, culminating in a disturbing climax. “Party/Party 327.5” makes use of a conversation that Stan Brakhage tape-recorded in 1949. Time enters a slipstream and vanishes into the vortex. By the end of the second side, treated horns and liquid electronics take on slightly more recognizable shapes, but retain the “flock of druids bathed in moonlight” scene-setting. Caswallon The Headhunter calls back to ancient oral traditions while anchoring it in the modern era via musique concrete techniques. Pierre Henry meets Ursula K. Le Guin and they exchange stories across the fire-pit. Michael Moorcock brews the coffee and after the tales are told, everyone gets a good night’s rest.

Blue Daisies - Wilt [Iridescence; 1985]

Based in Los Angeles, The Blue Daisies played fractured rock music that was pleasantly bent and flirted with the avant-garde. The scrap of info that put the Blue Daisies on my radar was the fact that Steve Stain was the drummer. Steve Stain is responsible for the delightful, bizarre, slightly unhinged and certainly unheralded The Brain Feels No Pain (New Alliance; 1986) album. Subbing for Steve on a few songs on Wilt is Brad Laner. After starting as a teenager in Earth Dies Burning, Brad went on to be in Severed Head In A Bag, Steaming Coils, Electric Company and Medicine, to name just a few. Freak cred established, I plucked a cheap copy from the ether. At first glance, the cover throws you for a loop cuz it looks kind of like some kind of post-youth crew/proto-moshcore nightmare. But this was 1985 and punks sporting corporate logos and baseball hats was still a few years off. Blue Daisies tapped into the West Coast “tribal post-punk” scene that began with Savage Republic, shared a smoke break with Fourwaycross, and ended in tragedy with Perry Farrell’s Psi-Com. Labelmates for the Daisies included the aforementioned SR, Half Japanese, Eugene Chadbourne and even the first appearance of Sonic Youth/Lydia Lunch’s classic “Death Valley ‘69.” Wilt is fun, noisy, grinding, and plenty (of fools) would say “dated.” “Slot,” with its clanging percussion and slurred chanting, seems like a product of Stain’s fevered cerebrum. “Suck Me” is a sarcastic anthem for punks who want to move like ragdolls that ends in a psychedelic rave-up. On the flip, “Dance Dance Dance” further jerks the puppets around, much to their delight. “Everything And Nothing At All” was actually re-purposed a couple years later for the Blissed Out Fatalists album (reissued in 2012). “Es Amor (Hand Job)” subverts LA “punk-funk” with junk percussion and turntable abuse. Closing cut, “Beautiful Kid,” leans full-force into this emerging sound, dodgy rapping and all. In a parallel universe, Blue Daisies is still out there, touring arenas with Fishbone and Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Strafe Für Rebellion - s/t (Pure Freude; 1983)

Dunno why this group isn’t world-famous, but if I can help make that happen—even with an abbreviated spiel in a punk zine—well, let’s get this fuckin party started. A collaboration between Bernd Kastner and Siegfried Syniuga, the German duo transmutated and emancipated lovely and harrowing sounds from the jealous gargoyles that hold them close. These guys levitate up to the draftiest sections of the castle and come back with true alchemy in the form of song. Shorthand description goes like this: If Nurse With Wound was a rock band. Not good enough for you? Strafe Für Rebellion laughs in your face (“a soundless message of death” according to the following LP and the one that eludes my grasp). “Bum Bum” immediately puts your hackles on notice as an assortment of clattering, knocking and thudding sounds join with warped vocals and all of a sudden you are witnessing an infestation of ghosts. Eerie and thrilling—the Strafe Für Rebellion experience in a nutshell. “Siamang” approximates mutant disco as played by the succubi that live in the walls of Dracula’s fortress. “Blaue Mig” is a terrifying trudge, like Swans set loose in the primate enclosure. Strafe Für Rebellion’s sound palate is extensive—field recordings, shakers, violins, Turkish lutes, metal-on-metal and layers of voices like otherworldly choirs. The b-side is even more haunted, almost like Syniuga and Kastner had already used up so much creative energy this early in their career that Mephistopheles has come for his due way ahead of schedule. (Faust had perhaps more of an influence than just the Tapes). Alas, I do not have the accompanying 7” that came with the LP, so to that I say—”Send it to me, please, goddammit.” If you extract any pleasure from the dark, twisted genius of groups like Hirsche Nicht Aufs Sofa, Die Tödliche Doris or Village Of Savoonga, then you deserve a dose of “punishment for rebellion.”

John Fekner City Squad - Idioblast (Vinyl Gridlock; 1984)

This record is pure, unfettered joy on twelve inches of polyvinyl chloride. Not sure where I first heard “I Get Paid To Clap,” but it was love at first machine-drum thwack. Vinyl Gridlock put out three flexis and two 12”s, but most of this material is on the sole LP that Fekner and his City Squad eked out during the mid-’80s. Idioblast is a lost classic, a future shock narrative ahead of its time, and yet completely of its era like few artifacts before or since. The cover tips you off from the jump—a crude but effective collage featuring slogans like Toxic Junkie, Industrial Fossil, Growth Decay and Soft Brains Watch The Screen And Buy The Jeans. Hell, the first lyric on the album is “The place to be is on the space shuttle/if you’re brave enough to get on it,” which seems to anticipate the Challenger disaster two years later. NYC native John Fekner was a pioneering artist who specialized in stencil and graffiti art, so his interest in hip-hop transcended mere novelty. All of the tracks on Idioblast directly reference the ideas that inspired Fekner’s visual art. His guerilla stencil works on decaying public structures in the late ‘60s are crucial antecedents to the graffiti explosion a decade later, in which he also played a key role. As an MC, he acquits himself well on “Rapicasso,” almost justifying that endearingly corny title. Splitting the difference between hip-hop and new wave, “The Beat” is like Thomas Dolby meets Run-DMC and should’ve been a radio staple for at least one sticky summer. Channeling Fekner’s slogan-stencil aesthetic, “Travelogue The 80’s” is a tour de force reminiscent of Negativland’s experiments in audio culture jamming. Overtop dueling drum machines, television news samples tell the tale of society spiraling into deadly farce courtesy of fundamentalist thought and rampant corruption. “2 4 5 7 9 11” opens side two with a Howard Beale soundbite and proceeds to lay down a funky, melodic jam that could soundtrack either a couples roller-skate or a drug-fueled evening out. My favorite part is the breakdown where the female MC lays down her bars in an android-like cadence. This kind of goofy, political rap would soon morph into the humorless pastiche of Consolidated, but it’s fresh as the day’s first bagels on Idioblast. “I Get Paid To Clap” is irresistible, another duet between a cool chick and a hip dude as panned noises mimic the cacophony of the city. They want to know: “R U A Vidiot?” Up to this point, John Fekner City Squad is in rare company alongside pioneering post-no wave beat outfits like Death Comet Crew, Rammellzee and 3 Teens Kill 4, but the last two songs throw you off-balance yet again. “The Sight Of The Child” features a nameless youth describing his post-apocalyptic world over a bed of bluesy harmonica. “Wheels Over Indian Trails” comes blowing in on drippy acoustic guitar like some ‘70s private press obscurity as an earnest Fekner sings about white Europeans colonizing the New World and defacing the natives’ land. Initially, the song seems miles from the congested urban pollution of the preceding tracks, but it works somehow and solidifies the idiosyncrasy of this peculiar record. Luckily, I was able to procure a sealed version of this epochal release and I am pleased to report that the Another Four Years! 6” flexi does indeed keep Idioblast close company during these dark times. One last lesson on the cover lands particularly hard in the current moment: Beauty’s Only Screen Deep. Indeed.

Strange Fruit (Abiku) - On Top Of A Hill EP (Babel; 1983)

This little record has the distinction of being the only one on this list that I picked up at an actual brick-and-mortar store (Ridgewood NY’s Deep Cuts). It was a serendipitous find, as only a few months prior I had gotten a bit obsessed with this long-gone Michigan band. Featuring a pre-Crucifucks Steve Shelley, a pre-Two Dollar Guitar Tim Foljahn and Steve Miller from The Fix, Strange Fruit must have ruled the Kalamazoo art-punk scene for their brief existence. Or maybe everyone hated them. Based on this three-song 7”, you can see why Sonic Youth snatched Shelley up when they had the chance. While it’s obvious that at least one person in the band had a copy of No New York, Strange Fruit’s songs have a loose but feral quality to them that is casual in its violence; a sense of sickness curdling into cruelty. Their sound is a cauldron in which stirs noise guitar, tumbling rhythms and enchanted singing from goth-chanteuse Sherrie Feight. I’m imagining a bill with Strange Fruit Abiku, L-Seven and Dark Arts from Chicago. That’s a witchy night full of promise and premonition. What’s with the name? The single is under Strange Fruit, but “Abiku” shows up all over the packaging. By the time they made their LP (Sin Eaters Picnic) the following year, the band had added Abiku to the proper name. And then there’s another LP on Babel that seems to be a split between Abiku Red and Ark Of Bone (which may be the same band). That one is called A Phosphorus Seed and based on the one track I’ve heard, it’s as high-quality as the flagship act. Mysterious shit, indeed! At first, I thought the copy I had picked up was a late ‘80s repress, but further research indicates that it is indeed an original. Fortunately, Steve Shelley has finally made some moves towards getting this music out there. Under his Vampire Blues label, he released a digital version of On Top Of A Hill which adds three more tracks that are just as good as the original material. Sin Eaters Picnic is even better than the single, so here’s hoping Steve reissues it, or perhaps I’ll stumble onto a copy one of these days.

Spin Age Blasters with Creamo Coyl airs every Tuesday from 3 PM til 6 PM (eastern standard time) on WFMU(.org).

>>>>The above thingamajig appeared last year, in the most recent issue of Alex Ratcharge's PSYCHO DISCO zine from France.

Presented here in the original pidgin anglish for yr enjoyment/bemusement/befuddlement.<<<<<<<

#psychodisco #creamocoyl #spinageblasters #zine

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