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andvys · 3 months

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I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 29

Warnings: major angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of an ED. get your tissues out, brace yourself for some pain. I cried and so will you. I'm so sorry for this.

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader | Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: Steve shows up at your doorsteps and you take care of him, the way you always did.

Word count: 10.5k+

A/N: shoutout to @hellfire--cult for helping me with this, I couldn't do this without you Roe, I would've given up, this was so hard for me to write. I need therapy now. Also thank you to my sweet angel bff @taintedcigs for being there for me while I was losing it, you're both real ones

To make this even sadder, listen to the 1, the last time, betty, the outro of all too well by Taylor Swift. Oh and Scott Street by Phoebe Bridgers. Thank me later.

series masterlist

It’s still pouring, the rain is still rolling down your closed windows and the lightning continues to crash through the sky. You can’t fall asleep. You’ve been trying to since you came home, but you can’t. You thought a hot shower would help make you tired, but it didn’t. Now you’re laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling.

You are too giddy to fall asleep. Your heart is still racing. Your skin still feels on fire. You can’t even fight the smile off your face. You feel his hands on your body, his lips on your skin, him. You regret not letting him come home with you. Your bed has never felt emptier. You turn to look at the telephone on your nightstand, contemplating giving him a call but you decide against it when you take a look at the clock, it’s 3am. He must be sleeping already.

Your eyes fall on the picture that wiped the smile off your face when you walked into your room earlier. A sigh falls from your lips. You need to talk to him. You need to talk to Steve.

This night has changed everything.

Your feelings have changed. They have evolved into something even bigger. You have been aware of your feelings for Eddie for a while now, but you never let them out completely. You were too afraid, too scared to get rejected, too scared to lose him because you once again, couldn’t stop yourself from falling for your best friend.

Your best friend who wants you just as much as you want him.

Your stomach flutters and a smile tugs at your lips – your lips that are still tingling from the feeling of all the kisses. You touch them, closing your eyes as you picture him, the way he held you, the way he said your name, the way he couldn’t get enough of you, the way he was so proud to call himself yours. He’s been dreaming about this, he’s been dreaming about you for months.

You never thought that you could feel this way again. You never thought that you could smile again at the thought of someone else. You never thought that you would love again.

Not after him.

Steve had shattered your heart in a million pieces. He stripped you of your powers. He took everything away from you. He made you doubt yourself and everyone around you. You suffered for weeks and months, not knowing how to keep going, not knowing how to get out of bed every morning. You stopped eating. You stopped reading. You lost your joy in the things you used to love doing. You felt so lost and hopeless but you forced yourself to keep going. It felt like learning how to walk again.

But you weren’t alone, you had the people who cared for you.

But most importantly, you had him. Eddie was there. Eddie was there for you, every step of the way. He never left, not even on your worst days. He was there, he was always there and he stayed.

Your heart skips a beat and your chest fills with warmth when you think of all the times he cheered you up and gave you a shoulder to cry on. When he took care of you despite you not asking him to. He stopped by the coffee shop every morning to get you a coffee and some breakfast, sometimes he came late to school because of it but he didn’t care. He’d take you out to the diner, knowing that you haven’t been eating, he brought you your favorite snacks for movie nights. He knew you were struggling to eat and he did everything to help you without pressuring you to talk about something that he knew would make you uncomfortable.

He gave you the reassurance that you needed.

He took care of you in ways no one else ever did.

And he never asked for anything back either.

He just did it because he wanted to, because he cares about you, because you mean something to him, because you always meant something to him, because you were always something more than a friend to him and he always wanted what’s best for you. All while watching you pine after a guy who broke your heart. He even gave you hope that maybe, you and Steve could find your way back to each other someday – all just because he wanted you to be happy.

You don’t know what comes over you, but tears well up in your eyes.

Eddie always just wanted you to be happy.

You sit up, no longer wanting to wait for the next day to come, you need to see him now.

You throw the cover off your body, your bare feet hit the soft carpet. Your hair is still a little wet from the shower you took but you couldn’t care less. You turn on the light on your nightstand before you rush over to your closet and pick out a sweater, not bothering to change into jeans or a skirt, you leave your plaid pajama pants on and throw the black sweater over your head.

Your heart is pounding in excitement when you think about how he kissed you before you left, how he didn’t want to leave, how he wanted more and more. You can’t wait to do it again. You can’t wait to pull him into a kiss, to hug him, to tell him what you should’ve told him a long time ago.

You take a look in the mirror, smoothing out your hair a little, you put perfume on your skin before you turn around and leave your room, slowly creeping down the stairs, not wanting to wake your mom. You leave the light off as you slip into your Vans, you grab your car keys and you open the door, about to step into night but the smile that was lingering on your face fades away so quickly when you find Steve on your doorsteps.

Steve who was just about to ring the doorbell.

Steve who is soaked from the rain, despite driving here. You can see his BMW in your driveway. How long has he been standing out in the rain?

It takes you a moment to realize the state he is in.

His face is not only soaked from the rain, it’s also soaked with tears. His eyes are red and glassy. His bottom lip is trembling. His body is shaking and you don’t know whether it’s from the tears or the cold rain. He is barely standing and as you take a step closer, you can smell the whiskey in his breath.

Your heart drops to your stomach when you realize that he drove here drunk.

“Steve?” You whisper as though in disbelief.

What is he doing here at 3am? Why is he crying?

Drops of water roll down his face, his hazel eyes are filled with pain as tears continue to fall from them.

He says your name with a pained voice, shakily and sadly.

“I-I needed to see you.”

Your heart breaks at the trembling in his voice.

You furrow your brows, looking him up and down in concern.

What happened to him?

“Dolly, I’m so– I’m so sorry,” he slurs as a sob falls from his lips. He loses his balance and stumbles forward, almost crashing to the ground, but you catch him, wrapping your arms around his waist and holding him up as best as you can. He instantly latches onto you, pulling you against him and holding you tightly.

You blink in confusion, your heart starts pounding faster.

He is crying, he is still crying, holding you tighter than before as he buries his face in your neck. You let him. Despite the confusion that is rushing through you, you let him hold you like this for a moment, only letting go to close the front door and taking the keys from his hands, before you wrap your arms around him again. The rain is soaking through your clothes, his tears are falling onto you, he is holding you so tightly, like he’s afraid to let you go.

“It’s okay,” you whisper as you rub his back, not knowing what else to do.

Did he get into a fight with his dad again?

“I got you, Steve.”

Your words seem to make it even worse though, his body starts shaking even more as soft sobs fall from his lips. He grabs the material of your sweater so tightly, mumbling incoherent words into your neck.

You feel so helpless, not knowing what to do or what to say, so you just hold him.

This happened before, him showing up at your house in the middle of the night, drunk out of his mind with tears streaming down his face, he collapsed into your arms the moment you opened the door, rambling and slurring out words. You later on found out that he had gotten into a fight with his dad about his grades and his future.

But that wasn’t all, you just don’t know the rest of the story, Steve never told you about the things his dad had said to him – how you would leave if he didn’t get his shit together, how you would go off to college by yourself and learn how to live without him, how he would stay back in Hawkins while you would live your life somewhere else without him.

He is sobbing quietly, keeping his face buried in your neck, melting further into your arms.

“Steve,” you whisper as you rub your hand up and down his spine. You longingly look at the keys you’re still holding, a soft sigh falling from your lips. You won’t see him tonight. “Come on.”

“N-No,” he mumbles, thinking you want him to leave.

“Let’s go upstairs, Steve.”

You let go of him and grab his arms softly, trying to move back.

He sniffles as he loosens his grip on you, leaning back, he looks at you through his glassy eyes. He takes in the sight of your face, taking a moment to look at you.

You don’t know what’s going on in his troubled mind but his eyes tell you that he is suffering, and looking at you, makes him cry even harder. Though this time, he presses his lips together, trying not to sob.

Your own eyes fill with sadness the longer you look at him. You move your palm down his arm, taking his hand, you hold it tightly as you lead him towards the stairs. You drop both yours and his keys on the counter, taking another sad look at them before you turn to Steve, making sure that he doesn’t stumble again. He is taking slow but shaky steps, holding your hand tighter than before.

You look up, hoping that you didn’t wake your mom.

You step into your room and you close the door after he walks in, noticing that you forgot to turn off the light earlier.

His sniffles quiet down and you think the worst is over, that he calmed down after letting his tears fall, the tears that he probably kept in for way too long. Steve rarely ever cries or breaks down, he hates it, he hates being vulnerable. So, he keeps it in and he lets all his emotions pile up until there’s no space left.

A look around your room, a glance at a picture of you and him, and the closed window is enough to make him cry again. He lets go of you and hides his face behind his hands.

You feel so lost and don’t know what to do. Not even the worst fight with his dad resulted in this. Your own eyes well up with tears, your heart breaks at the sound of his cries. He once again, collapses into your arms the moment you take a step towards him, this time you lose your balance and your knees buckle causing you both to fall. You drop to your knees as he does too, still holding onto you, tighter than before if that is even possible. He wraps his arms around your waist, burying his face in your chest this time.

“Steve,” you whisper shakily, on the verge of breaking down yourself when he clings to you like he never did before. You know it must be bad.

He feels your hand running down his back, cupping the back of his head, trying to calm him down as you do your best to comfort him. He breathes you in, something that makes his heart shatter even more.

“I-I ruined everything,” he sobs into your chest. “I ruined you, I broke your heart, I broke you,” he slurs. “I-I was.. I found your note, I never read it. I never said I love you, I just, I didn’t say it back, I didn’t say I love you, I didn’t– I put it away, I didn’t read it until now.”

Oh.

Now you understand.

You furrow your brows and your eyes blur with tears.

It doesn’t break your heart to find out that he never read that note, it didn’t matter anyway, he dumped you the next day. You got your answer. But your heart hurts for the girl you once were. The girl who loved him so unconditionally. The girl who cried herself to sleep after each fight. The girl who just wanted him to love her back.

You swallow the lump in your throat and tighten your hold on him.

“It’s okay, Steve.”

He shakes his head and he pulls back a little, looking at you with his sad eyes.

You nod before he can protest. You let go of him to cup his cheeks, trying to wipe the tears, but they keep falling and falling.

“It’s okay,” you whisper, trying to convince him but his hazel eyes look back at you so brokenly.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, reaching his hands up to grab your wrists. “I’m so sorry for everything I did to you, dolly.”

You shake your head, opening your mouth to speak but he cuts you off, not letting you.

“Please forgive me,” he cries.

“Steve..” You frown, trying to catch the tears that keep escaping his eyes. You forgave him already. You forgave him because you never wanted to lose him. The past cannot be erased, not even if you were pained or happy, so the only thing is to look forward, and you don’t want to lose him in the future. He needs to understand that but no matter what you say now, he won’t listen.

“Dolly, you don’t understand.” As he says these words to you, he looks at you with pleading eyes.

You shake your head, a pained expression taking over your face.

He opens his mouth to speak when a knock on your door interrupts him. You tear your eyes away from him, looking at your door, startled.

Your mom’s voice sounds through the hallway as she knocks on your door again, “is everything okay?”

“Y-Yeah, hold on!” You call out to her before you turn back to him. Moving your hands down to his arms. “Come on, let’s get you up.”

He doesn’t protest, instead he takes your hands and stands up with you.

You lead him towards your bed and push him down, placing your hands on his shoulders, you look into his eyes, “I should go talk to my mom, she’s probably worried about the noises.”

He sniffles, nodding at you.

Before you can move away, your door opens, the light in the hallways shining into your room. You’re met with your mom’s concerned eyes, she looks at you first before her eyes find Steve’s figure sitting on your bed. Her eyes widen and she gasps as she takes in the sight of him.

“Steve, honey, you don’t look good, are you okay?”

That only seems to make him sadder. No sounds escape him but the tears fall even harder than before and the urge to break down yourself feels stronger than ever.

Your mom looks just as helpless as you do, you may not talk to her about your feelings but she can read you like an open book, and right now, she can see how much you’re suffering too.

“We’re okay, mom. I-I got this, you should go back to sleep.”

She hesitates. Looking at you with worried eyes.

You nod at her, pleading with your tear filled eyes.

She sighs, face falling a little. You feel bad for shutting her out but she had enough to deal with herself in the past few years, she shouldn’t deal with your problems now too.

She nods at you, taking another look at Steve before her eyes meet yours again, “let me know if you need anything.”

“I will, mom.”

She closes the door, leaving you alone with him.

You close your eyes for a moment, taking a deep and shaky breath, trying to fight the tears.

He is still holding your hand and crying his eyes out.

You take a look at him and suddenly feel like throwing up because of the overwhelming pressure in your chest. You can’t take this.

He looks up at you, tears rolling down his red cheeks, he looks so heartbroken and you can’t stand to see him like this. It hurts so bad. It fills you with so much sadness but also with anger because none of this would have happened if he wouldn’t have changed his mind about you.

“Let’s get you out of these clothes, you’re gonna get sick if you stay in these any longer.”

You turn around, letting go of his hand, you walk to your closet and open the door, taking out the box that you’ve been meaning to give him back months ago. You take the lid off and rummage through it until you find what you’re looking for, one of his old shirts. The whole time, you’re biting back tears, not wanting to cry. It’s hard not to when you have to face him again.

Why does he have to begin this over and over again?

You’ve been here before. You’ve done this time and time. You forgave him already, you gave him a second chance, you were ready to move on.

Why does he have to do this now?

He is staring at you with a sullen look in his eyes, there is so much sadness, so much pain and heartbreak in the eyes you used to love so much.

“Here,” you whisper, placing the shirt on your bed, beside him. “Take your shirt off, Steve.”

He can barely see through his vision, his bottom lip is trembling, his hands are shaking, his whole body is shaking from both the coldness that is seeping through his shirt and the pain that he put himself in.

He reaches for the hem of his shirt, clumsily.

You sigh and step towards him, leaning down, you push his hands away gently, grabbing the wet material and pulling the shirt over his head.

“Do you want to take a warm shower?” You ask, putting your hands on his cold arms. “You’re freezing, Steve.”

He shakes his head.

“Okay,” you sigh and hand him the black shirt. “Here, put this one.”

“Okay,” he whispers, watching you take his wet shirt and walking into the bathroom. His eyes follow you like the ones of a lost puppy. He no longer feels the tears running down his face, he’s been crying all night, his chest has been hurting badly from the moment he started reading old notes. The way you’re taking care of him after everything that he has done to you, makes him feel even worse.

You walk back into the room a moment later.

He is wiping his tears away after putting the shirt on. You can tell that he tries to hold himself together, not wanting to break into sobs again, but you know that he is struggling to with his emotions in overdrive and the alcohol in his system.

“I’m gonna get you some water–”

“No, please don’t leave me.”

You had never heard him sound so heartbroken, so desperate and scared.

You had never seen him look like this, so fragile and broken.

“Please.”

He takes your hand in his.

“I don’t… I don’t deserve you–”

You sigh, shaking your head as you sit down beside him.

“Steve, stop! We’re friends, we’re over this okay? You need to stop doing this, we talked it all out. I forgave you–”

He shakes his head, catching you off guard when he moves towards you and cups your cheeks.

“I wanted everything with you. I wanted you to be the one so bad. I know we were too young to think so far ahead but.. I wanted it all with you, I wanted to marry you and have kids with you but then I fucked it all up, I ruined everything. I-I don’t know what happened to me, I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I break everything.”

Your eyes widen in shock, tears you can no longer hold back fall from your eyes and roll down your cheeks. You open your mouth but no words come out. You are too stunned to speak.

You never knew how he truly felt about you and about your future together. You knew that he wanted to go to college with you but that was the only part about your shared future that was mentioned – aside from the promise he made to never stop loving you.

Despite the state of shock that you’re in, you cannot help but cry for the girl that wanted it all with him.

“I don’t deserve you, fuck. I don’t deserve you– and you don’t deserve me. You don’t deserve someone like me, you don’t deserve how I treated you, you don’t deserve how I made you feel, you don’t deserve the pain I made you go through, because you’re so good, and so perfect, and I destroyed that.. I destroyed you.” His voice is so shaky, his tears won’t stop falling, neither do yours. But he wipes them away softly.

Your bottom lip trembles as you look at him in pain.

“Steve..”

He searches for something in your eyes – anger, hatred, rage. But he can’t find any of it. After everything that he put you through, you still got love for him and it makes him hate himself even more.

He knew what he did to you, what he put you through. Yet, only tonight it really sank in, how much he truly hurt you. How much he hurt that one person that he would give everything for – his heart, his soul, everything.

“I’m so sorry for everything, baby.” His voice breaks and he closes his eyes as he lets his head hang low. Only a second passes, before you pull him into your arms again.

“It’s okay, Steve,” you whisper.

It’s not okay. How could it ever be okay?

He left a deep scar, one that you will carry for the rest of your life and there is nothing he can do to fix it.

He wraps his arms around your body and pulls you in, closer and closer until you’re flush against him, in search of your warmth, he buries his face in your neck. He breathes you in and holds you tightly, like it’s the last time. Enjoying the feeling of your hand running up and down his spine as your other hand cups the back of his head. His lips touch your skin, he is unaware of the marks on your neck. He is unaware of who’s hands, who’s lips have touched your body tonight.

“I’m still your dolly, Steve,” you whisper into his shoulder.

Yes, you are still his best friend.

Still his dolly.

But never his girl again.

You stare into nothing as you hold him, breathing slowly. Your lips are pressed against his shoulder, you tighten your arms around him even when his cries quiet down and his breathing slows down, you still hold him, not ready to let go just yet.

The room becomes silent, so silent that you suddenly miss the sound of his voice.

“Steve?” You whisper.

His head is laying on your shoulder, his breathing slow and steady. You know that he had fallen asleep but you still whisper his name again. When you get no response, you move back slowly, careful not to wake him. You push him down softly, adjusting the pillow beneath him.

Your eyes soften as you take in the sight of him. You scoot closer to him, bringing your hands up to his face, you wipe the fallen tears and caress his cheek. Running your fingers through his hair and pushing away the fallen strands.

You blink, feeling the hot tears burning in your eyes.

The joy in your heart faded the moment he crashed into your arms. Right now, it’s just hurting.

You know why he came here tonight.

Not for comfort. Not for a second chance. Not for forgiveness. No. He came to end things, once and for all.

With a heavy heart, you tear your eyes away from him and push yourself up. You lean down to take his Nike’s off, you lift his legs up on the bed and grab the covers, pulling them up to his chest. You notice the wristband, the one you gave him two nights ago, he is wearing it.

You can’t remember the last time he was here in your room, let alone in your bed. It’s odd, almost strange to see him here.

You look out your window, noticing that the rain has stopped falling. You hear the tires of a car screeching through the night. Jimmy Davidson must be back from college, you think. The jock is the only in town who drives like a maniac – well, besides Billy Hargrove and Eddie.

You take one last look at him before you turn around and leave your room, wanting to grab some water and advil for him. You close the door carefully and make your way downstairs.

You notice that the lights are on in the kitchen. The smell of hot chocolate lingers in the air. Your mom is still awake. You find her sitting at the table by the window, with a magazine in front of her. A blanket around her shoulder and glasses perched on her nose.

You feel bad for waking her up, knowing that she works the morning shift this week. But just her presence alone gives you the comfort that you so desperately need, right now.

She looks up when she feels your presence. She takes her reading glasses off and places them on the table, pushing the blanket off as she stands up, she wastes no second to make her way towards you, the same concerned look as before resting in her features.

“Is Steve okay?”

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat and blinking the tears away.

“Yeah. He’s sleeping now.”

She knows that you’re not telling her everything, you never are.

Sighing, she raises her hand towards your face, cupping your cheek as she gives you a smile, a sad one.

“Are you okay?”

Tears that you have just blinked away, well up in your eyes again. This time you hesitate. This time you can’t tell her that you feel okay or even good. You can’t hold your feelings back, not tonight.

“You can talk to me. You never do and you always hold yourself back with me. I am your mother and I will listen to you, I’m here for you. So please, talk to me, sweetheart.”

You look into her kind eyes and you suddenly feel like breaking down. You have been holding back for so long, hiding your true feelings, not letting them shine through out of fear that this would happen.

But everything is crumbling now, all the last pieces that were holding you and Steve together had fallen apart the moment you had broken the barrier and kissed him.

You don’t know where to start, there is so much to tell.

So, you start with something you’ve been dying to get off your chest.

“I love Eddie, mom.”

It feels like a relief to finally say it out loud, the words that you kept away for so long are now out in the open and.. it feels right.

You watch for surprise to flash in her eyes but there is none. In fact, she doesn’t give you much of a reaction at all. A knowing look crosses her face, that’s all.

“Is that why Steve was crying?”

You shake your head.

“No. He doesn’t know,” you mumble, looking down. “I haven’t told him yet.”

“Then what happened to him?”

You can hear the worry in her voice. You wonder if it will still be there when you tell her what he did to you. You never told her why he left. You never told her how much he hurt you. You never wanted her to think badly of him, not even after he broke your heart so carelessly.

It feels like the world is weighing on your shoulders and the urge to throw it off feels so strong. You’ve been carrying it around for too long.

“He came to apologize, to ask for forgiveness.”

“Forgiveness?” She asks. “Did you two get into a fight?”

“No, mom.”

She tilts her head, giving you a questioning look.

“Can we sit down?” You nudge your chin towards the table. “It’s a lot to talk about.”

She nods, a smile tugging at her lips. She wraps her arm around your shoulder and she leads you to the table.

You sit down by the window and watch her move to the other side. She doesn’t take a seat though, instead she grabs the blanket and walks back to you, wrapping it around your shoulders and stepping away for a moment.

Your eyes follow her in curiosity.

She grabs your favorite mug from the cupboard and places it on the counter.

You prop your chin on your palm and watch how she makes you a hot chocolate, the way you always loved it, with mini marshmallows on top.

As you watch her move around in the kitchen, you realize how much you have missed this, how much you have missed your mom. This reminds you of older days, simpler days. Days where you had woken up from nightmares and sneaked into your parents room to wake your mom. She always knew how to comfort you. Instead of taking you back to bed and reading you a story, she always took you downstairs, made you hot chocolate and let you talk about whatever had troubled your young mind.

And now you’re so much older and you don’t talk anymore. But you need to, you need to talk about it all so badly. So, you do.

You tell her everything – from the sweetest note, to your overthinking, to all the fights she never knew about, to Nancy, to Tina’s Halloween party, to Eddie… You tell her absolutely everything.

Tears fall as you talk about it all with a heavy heart. Relieving all the painful moments of your life and feeling the guilt of watching her eyes flash with sadness when she finally finds out the truth.

How you cried yourself to sleep. How you stopped eating and pretended to be okay in front of everyone. How heartbroken you were after he left. How unloved you felt for so long. How you have lost yourself after losing him before Eddie stepped into your life. How much Steve changed because of her. How he came back to you. How much he cared about you after all. How much he loved you after all.

And as you finally talk, you can feel the weight getting lighter and lighter, falling off your shoulders but not completely. Not yet. But you let it all out, just like you tried with Robin but this feels different, your mom doesn’t try to lecture you, she doesn’t tell you what to do, what’s right and what’s wrong – she just listens because she knows that this is what you need.

To talk, to cry, to feel.

And when your tears stop falling and you calm down, she wraps her arms around you and pulls you into a tight hug.

“You are such a brave girl. I know you had your friends with you, and Eddie especially. But you didn’t have to be alone in this. I was here. I have always been here, my sweet girl. You were never alone, you were never unloved.”

You close your eyes, ignoring the trembling in your lips and the shakiness in your hands as you hug her tightly, laying your chin on her shoulder. She rubs your back and squeezes you.

In her arms you feel safe and comforted, you don’t need to hide, you don’t need to feel embarrassed or scared. You’re just safe and at home.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, mom,” you whisper when you realize how lost you’d truly be if you didn’t have her. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I’ll always be here, sweetheart.”

You sniffle, falling silent again.

“You know.. I always knew by the way.”

“Huh?”

“That you loved Eddie.”

Shocked at her words, you pull away from the hug and stare at her with wide eyes.

��I know how to see your emotions through your eyes, my love. I am not your mother for nothing,” she laughs while wiping away your fallen tears, tucking your hair behind your ear.

You roll your eyes with a soft smile on your face.

“And I also knew about Eddie’s feelings. That boy would blush every time he came to pick you up and you would come down with a new dress or skirt. I don’t know how you didn’t see his ears getting all red.”

Your eyes grow bigger, softening after her words as you’re beaming at her.

“You think he loves me, mom?”

She giggles, staring at you as though you’ve gone crazy.

“Someone would have to be blind and deaf to not notice that.”

You blush at her words, though you can’t hide the excitement that crosses your face when you think about him, when you think about seeing him later. You look at each other, as though she can read your mind, you both start giggling.

She looks at you fondly, squeezing your hand.

“You know that I’m proud of you, right?” She smiles. “You’re so strong. You have always been a fighter.”

“No. Not always,” you shake your head. “I didn’t always fight for what I wanted.”

“But now you do, right?”

You nod.

“Yeah, now I do.”

Your mom looks towards the stairs. You know what’s on her mind. You saw the disappointment, the anger and the sadness in her eyes when you told her the truth about Steve.

You know that she isn’t angry at him – she would have been had you told her the truth from the start. But a year has passed and things have changed. Steve has changed. You have changed. And despite what you have gone through, you still love him.

And that is another reason for your tears. Steve has always been a part of your life and she knows that you are afraid to lose him again. You might lose your best friend.

“And do you still love Steve?”

“I do..” You whisper. “That’s why it’s all so.. complicated.”

“Is it?” She asks, giving you a small smile. “Or do you make it complicated?”

You tilt your head, raising your brows at her question.

“You can love them both and they will both be special to you, no matter what. But you can be in love with only one person.”

You let her words sink in, but your heart only hurts more.

You have been here so many times already. You have told yourself that you let him go, you have convinced yourself that you did but did you ever let him go? Did you ever allow yourself to move past it? No. Because letting go of him always filled you with so much fear.

“I don’t want to lose him.”

The pain in your eyes is very telling. The sadness gives away who you are talking about.

“But the love you once had for him is somewhere else now, right?”

You’re biting back tears. And after a few minutes of silence, you nod.

“I love Eddie, mom. I really really love Eddie.”

She smiles at your words, taking your hand, she looks into your eyes.

“You know what you have to do then.. right?”

You nod, getting sadder each passing second.

“Yes,” you whisper. “I just– I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

“You will hurt him more if you don’t talk to him. You need to give him closure. It’s the right thing to do, and it’s the only way the two of you can be happy.”

“I know,” you whisper, shakily.

She gives you an encouraging smile, “you got this, sweetheart. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I hope so..”

She holds your hand a little tighter, giving it a squeeze.

“You should get some sleep. You can sleep in my bed if you don’t wanna go back there. I gotta start getting ready for work now.”

“Already?” You frown as you turn around to look at the clock. It’s 4:30 am already.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry for keeping you up. You really needed your sleep.”

She shakes her head at you, “no, it’s okay. I’m glad you finally talked to me.”

You smile at her, tilting your head to the side, “me too.”

“Take it easy, okay?”

You nod.

She gives your hand a pat before she gets up, ruffling your hair playfully as she moves past you, making you chuckle.

“Hey mom?”

She turns around before stepping out into the hallway, looking back at you.

“Thank you.”

Her gaze softens, brows knitting together.

“Of course, sweetie,” the soft sound of your mom’s voice sounds through the kitchen. “I’m gonna go check on him.”

“Okay,” you nod.

She gives you another smile before she turns around, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

With a sigh, you look down and reach for the now half empty mug, you pull your knees up to your chest, taking a sip of the hot chocolate as you look out the window.

It’s still dark out, the world is still sleeping, and you enjoy the last moments of this.

You’re not ready for the morning to come.

You’re still not ready.

Steve’s head is pounding, the pain is excruciating. He can’t open his eyes, not yet. The sun that is shining into the room is too bright. A groan falls from his lips and he clutches the pillow beneath his head, squeezing his eyes shut after trying to open them.

He hears the birds chirping outside, he must have left his window open last night. He smells the fresh air, it instantly calms the sickening feeling in his chest a little. He sinks into the pillows and breathes in.

The sweet and floral scent is so pleasant, it smells like you. He takes another deep breath, he smells your perfume, your shampoo, your vanilla body wash. His heart flutters and he can’t help but melt into the warmth of the bed and the scents that linger. He feels safe and comforted.

It takes him a moment to realize that his pillows shouldn’t smell like you or your perfume. His bed isn’t usually this comfortable either.

Steve opens his eyes slowly, groaning in pain when the light shines directly into his face. Hiding behind his hands, he sits up. He rubs his eyes and runs his hand through his messy hair. Turning his back to the window, he squints his eyes as he opens them again, trying to get used to the light.

His throat feels so dry that it hurts and his head is killing him. He can still taste the whiskey on his tongue, it makes him nauseous.

Once his eyes are fully adjusted to the light, he takes a look around the room and his heart skips in his chest, his red rimmed eyes widen when he realizes where he is.

His stomach drops when he finds Advil on your nightstand next to a glass of water.

“Oh fuck,” he groans as he buries his face back in his hands. Dread fills him when he starts to remember the previous night.

The note. The Whiskey that he stole from his dad’s office. The tears that streamed down his face when he carelessly drove to your house drunk. You. He remembers the way you held him, the way you cried too.

“Fuck,” he whispers, tugging at his hair.

He chugs down the glass of water and after a moment of hesitation, he gets up from your bed and looks down at himself, noticing the new– well, old shirt. He puts on his Nike’s and walks into your bathroom to splash some cold water on his face but when he turns on the light and he takes a look into the mirror, he can’t help but feel sick. His eyes are red and puffy from all the crying, his skin looks pale and his hair has never looked worse than it does right now.

He shakes his head at himself, hating his reflection more than anything, right now.

With a sigh, he looks down, gripping the counter tightly, knowing that he has to face you now.

He knows that there’s a small chance that you aren’t home, that you have left. But he knows that you wouldn’t do it while he is here, not even if you’re upset with him.

After washing his face with cold water and using your mouth wash to get rid of that awful taste of whiskey, he walks back into your room, trying not to let the sadness take hold of him again but it’s hard not to fall into the pit of darkness again when he stands inside the room of the girl he loves, the girl he has made so many memories with, in here and anywhere else in this stupid small town.

From good memories to bad ones.

From innocent ones like picking flowers for you at the age of 12 to buying you a bouquet of flowers for your 16th birthday.

From comforting hugs at school to cuddling in your bed at nights.

From first kisses on your bedroom floor to more passionate kisses in his car after every stop at the streetlight.

From making love in your bed to fighting in your room with tears streaming down your face.

He sees the box on the ground, the one that you took out of your closet, last night. You kept his things, just like he kept yours.

Did you struggle to get rid of them like he did?

Did you keep them in hopes that you would find your way back together someday?

His hands are starting to get clammy, his heart starts pounding again. He takes another look around your room before he opens the door and steps out into the hallway.

The faint sound of the music coming from the radio tells him that you are in the kitchen. He makes his way downstairs, ignoring the shakiness in his legs or his hands. The smell of coffee lingers in the air.

He presses his lips together as he takes a deep breath before he steps into the kitchen.

You’re leaning against the counter, your chin is propped on your hand, a book lying in front of you, you haven’t noticed him yet and Steve takes that as a chance to look at you.

Your hand is wrapped around a mug that Eddie must have given you, you told him that he loves Garfield. He laughed about it when you did.

It’s only 8 am. He knows you’re not working today, yet you’re already so put together. Make up on your already beautiful skin, hair done in waves, you’re wearing an outfit you certainly didn’t wear yesterday. God, you look so beautiful that it hurts.

His heart longs for you, his hands itch to touch you – something that he could’ve done.

In a different world, he would pull you into his arms and shower you with kisses, he would hold you, not wanting to let you go. He would make breakfast for you and then you would spend the day together.

But you’re in this world.

In a world where he can’t kiss you or hold you or spend the day with you.

“Hey..”

You raise your head and your glassy eyes meet his.

Another wave of guilt rushes through him. You cried. You cried because of him again.

“Hi,” you whisper as you close your book and straighten your back, you look him up and down.

Steve hates how concerned you look, how worried you are over him.

You take a step forward, giving him a small smile.

“Are you feeling okay?”

He shrugs, trying to smile back at you.

“I’ll make you a coffee, you should sit,” you nudge your head into the direction of the kitchen table.

“Okay.”

He walks to the table and takes the seat that was once his. It’s been a long time since he sat here and watched you.

You make the coffee first, pouring some into a Hawkins High mug. You add two sugars, still knowing how he likes his coffee.

“When’s the last time you ate?”

You place the mug in front of him, eying him with softness in your eyes, something that makes all of this even harder.

He blinks, shrugging at your words.

“Okay,” you sigh and pull back your hair, without thinking. “Bagels or Toast? I’ll make you some eggs if you want–”

Your voice becomes faint, like he’s under water, sinking further and further into the deep end. The marks on your neck are now visible to him, the hickeys that he left. Steve is not shocked or even surprised. He already knew when he came to you, last night. It was obvious, even through his drunken haze, he could see it in your eyes, the happiness that shined in them before you took in the sight of him.

It still hurts.

And it hurts even more to think about you with him, especially in that way.

“Toast is just fine,” he mumbles.

“Okay, Steve,” you whisper, this was always his go-to breakfast after a night out. Black coffee and toast. It’s plain but it’s the only thing he gets down.

He keeps watching you. Eyes following your every moment.

There is so much sadness inside of him but there is also more, there is acceptance. He knows why he came here last night.

Bits and pieces start to return to him. He remembers what he confessed to you, how you held him, how you took care of him, how you comforted him.

He truly never deserved you.

You place a plate in front of him, “you sure you want nothing else?” You point to the buttered toast. You added a few berries on the side.

He gives you a smile, “you know I’ll probably get sick if I eat anything else,” he says, chuckling for the first time today.

“Yeah,” you breathe. “You always had a weak stomach.”

“Only when I drink whiskey.”

You nod, sitting down opposite of him. You take a sip of your coffee and lean back. You look down and reach for the magazine that your mom was reading earlier, not wanting to make him uncomfortable by staring.

Steve looks up at you and he just knows it’s the last time that he will have your coffee and your toast.

It’s the last time he will get to sit here with you.

So, for a moment, he pretends that everything is alright, that this is normal, that this is something you both do every day and for the rest of your lives, that he didn’t mess up, that everything is fine.

He takes a few sips of the coffee and eats the toast, and when he’s done, he takes a deep breath and pushes the plate aside, not looking up from the coffee just yet.

“I’m sorry.”

You close the magazine, sighing as you finally look up.

“You said that already… many times, Steve.”

He doesn’t say anything to that. He only looks up at you, his eyes scan your face, his lips twitch.

“You look happy, dolly.”

What?

You shake your head a little, furrowing your brows as you stare at him in confusion.

“You have color in your skin again, you no longer.. are skin and bones,” he says, quietly. Looking down as his eyes fill with guilt, knowing that you stopped eating because of how heartbroken you were. “Your hair is longer, your nails are painted black– a color I didn’t like you putting on because I was a fucking asshole..”

“Steve–”

He shakes his head at you, not wanting you to interrupt him.

“You wear stuff you always told me you wanted to buy, you started wearing makeup, the heavy kind you once tried and loved but thought it was too much,” he says with a smile on his face, a knowing one.

You see the way his eyes fall to your neck and your heart jumps when you realize what he is looking at. Surprisingly, there is no shock in his eyes, jealousy or even anger, just sadness. He knows everything and it’s not the marks on your skin he needed to look at.

“You are living again.. and god, I want to hate him for it but.. how can I when he saved you from the pain I put you through?”

Your eyes burn with tears.

“I’m done standing in your way–”

“Steve,” you whisper, shaking your head. “Y-You’re not standing in the way.”

“Yes, I am.” His voice is thick with tears and by the way he is blinking, you can tell that he is trying not to cry.

He looks down at the necklace you are wearing, the locket he had put around your neck, months ago.

He knows that there is no picture of him inside and as much as it hurts, it’s okay.

He didn’t come here to fight for you. He didn’t come here for a second chance or to get you back. He came here to let you go. So you could find happiness, the way you always deserved it.

“And I don’t want to anymore. I want you to be happy.”

Your bottom lip starts trembling again.

“And I know that you will be with him,” he says as he tears his away from the marks on your neck and he looks into your glassy eyes. “He would never do what I did. He would never put you through all of this.”

You sniffle, looking into your best friend’s eyes. There is so much pain and sadness lingering in them and you hate it, you hate it so much.

“I never let you go, dolly,” he finally admits with a heavy sigh. “Not at Tina’s Halloween party, not when I came to see you the next day, not after we went to Jimmy’s party together. I never let you go.”

Your brows knit together, eyes that stare back at him with pain, fill with more tears. You don’t know what to say, so you say nothing and you look into the brown eyes you always loved so much.

You never let him go either, that’s why it hurts so much.

Knowing that this is the last time crushes your heart in a new way. You know that this could not only be the end of the relationship you always held onto. This could be the end of everything.

This was always your worst fear. Losing him.

You have lost him before but you always knew that he would come back.

And he always knew it too.

But this, this is different.

And this hurts even more than it did the first time.

You still love him, there is no doubt about that. Steve can see it in your eyes, it’s in the way you look at him, it’s in the way your lips tremble and your hands shake as fear crosses your face. You’re scared to lose him.

How could he ever think anything else? How could he ever doubt your love for him when it’s so clearly written on your face? Even now.

Steve can’t help but wonder; would it have worked out between you if there wasn’t someone else?

If Nancy never stepped into his life.

If Eddie never stepped into your life.

Would you have stayed together?

Would you have broken up either way?

Would you have found your way back together in the future?

Would he have been able to make it up to you?

Would you get your happy ending then?

“I dropped some heavy stuff on you last night,” he mumbles, cheeks flushing red when he remembers all the things he had said to you.

“Oh, you mean marriage and kids?” You ask as a smile tugs on your lips when you see him blushing.

He scratches the back of his neck, scrunching his face up, “yeah..”

You laugh a little, leaning your elbow on the table, you cup your cheek, “well, I never thought that far ahead when we were still together. I mean, I never knew what I wanted for my future but I knew that I wanted you in it,” you say, watching the way he nods at you. “And maybe a cat or a dog.”

He chuckles.

“Or maybe a few cats and a dog.”

A fond smile reaches his face as he stares at you, shaking his head at the thought of all the pets you’d bring home while he’d– his smile begins to fade, it will never happen.

“Well, I’m sure that Eddie will love that.”

Your heart flutters at the thought of a future with him. Yeah, Eddie will love that.

“You’ll be happy with him. He will make you happy,” he says confidently because he knows that he will. “And if not, well, then I’ll take you back to that treehouse and I’ll marry you again.”

A laugh falls from your lips as a tear finally rolls down your cheek.

“The treehouse we got married in when we were ten?”

“Yeah,” he whispers. “That one. You know I still got that paper ring,” he says with a serious face.

“I do too, I put it in a box,” you giggle.

His eyes light up and he smiles at you, but he watches the tear roll down your cheek and then another. He stands up and he walks over to you, his heart skips a beat when you look up at him with your beautiful eyes. He cups your cheeks, wiping away the tears.

“I don’t want you to cry over me anymore,” he whispers, holding your face for the last time.

“Steve,” you whisper, shakily.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

You knew that this was coming. You knew that this had to happen. If he didn’t come to you last night, then you’d be the one coming to him to talk and put an end to this, once and for all.

“I love you with all my heart and I ache for you, all the goddamn time but I don’t deserve you. You should have never forgiven me. You should have never treated me like a friend. You should have never given me the chance to be near you again… not after what I did.”

You grab his wrists, shaking your head at his words. Scared that he will leave you for good. Scared that he will leave your friendship behind and step out of your life forever.

Steve hates to see the way your lips tremble, the way your eyes are nothing but tears, sadness and heartbreak, yet again.

He can’t stand to see it any longer.

“I let you go,” he whispers as he wipes your tears again. “Like you asked me to months ago.”

His heart is screaming at him not to, everything inside of him longs for him to stay, to fight for you, to drop to his knees and ask to try again.

But this is the right thing to do.

There is someone who can give you more than he can.

Someone who didn’t hurt you. Someone who wouldn’t hurt you. Someone who would rather get hurt by you than do something to break your heart.

“I choose you, sweetheart. This time, I choose you and your happiness.”

A sad smile lingers on his face, he brushes your hair back and he looks down at the locket, one last time.

He knows why you aren’t speaking, you’d break down if you would.

He leans down, tilting your head up a little, he presses his lips against your forehead, kissing you one last time.

His throat feels tight and his chest is hurting, he knows that he is on the verge of another breakdown, he is so very close to it.

This is the hardest thing he will ever have to do.

“Goodbye, Dolly.”

Your sniffles break his heart. You only hold his wrists tighter in response, holding onto them, your touch lingers on the wristband, one that he will never stop wearing. You let go after a few seconds.

He feels your eyes on him, your big sad eyes. He can’t bear to take another look at you, knowing that he won’t be able to leave if he does, so he steps away from you, despite his heart telling him not to.

He turns around and he walks away from you for the last time. He grabs his keys that you left on the counter, last night.

With a heavy heart, he walks out of your house, biting back tears as he makes his way to his car.

It’s over now.

Something he held onto since he left you, is over.

And now he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He unlocks his car when the front door bursts open, startling him. He turns around with tears in his eyes that threaten to spill. Before he can even react, you suddenly crash into his arms, and wrap your arms around him, you hold onto him like you’re afraid that he might disappear if you let go. You hug him so tightly.

His eyes soften and his chest fills with warmth.

He doesn’t hesitate to hug you back, wrapping his arms around your smaller frame, he holds you tight and buries his face in your neck.

No matter what happened in the past. No matter what he did to you. No matter how much pain you have gone through, you still don’t want to live in a world where he isn’t in your life.

After all, he will always be the boy who picked flowers for you, who surprised you with your favorite snacks, who comforted you whenever your parents fought, who slept in your bed when you were afraid of storms, who taught you how to slow dance, who wrote you notes when he was younger, who promised you to be your prince when your first crush rejected you.

You hold onto him, pressing your cheek against his chest.

You stay like that for a moment, for a long moment – one that could never be long enough.

He breathes you in and closes his eyes, ignoring the fluttering in his chest.

He knows that this should make him feel better, to know that you love him enough to forgive him, to want him to stay but if anything, it makes him feel worse because he is still losing you.

He knows he has to walk away, for now.

“I love you, Stevie.”

He smiles sadly.

He knows it’s not the same as it was. It’s not the I love you’s from all your notes. He knows it’s not the same love he feels for you, not anymore.

But the love you always had for him. The love you had since you were kids.

And for him that’s more than he could ever ask for.

“I love you too, Dolly.”

You sniffle, he can feel you shaking against him. You’re trying not to cry.

“Please don’t become a stranger again, Steve.”

His breath hitches in his throat, he presses his lips together, willing the tears to stop from falling.

“Me?” He asks, pulling back to look down at you. He musters up a smile. “I might need some time but I will latch onto you as soon as I get over my whiny ass.” He jokes, despite the pain in his heart.

You roll your eyes but laugh at his words.

You take a deep breath and sigh.

This is it.

This is what was supposed to happen.

It hurts but you also feel relieved to finally put an end to something that kept holding you back for so long.

You know you won’t truly lose him.

He will always be your Steve.

And you will always be his Dolly.

But it won’t ever be the same.

You will be his friend and he will be yours and that’s all you’ll ever be.

You won’t be sad forever and neither will he.

He will find love after you.

He will find it like you did.

It’s what he deserves.

It’s what you both deserve.

“We kinda got friendship bracelets now,” he smiles through his tears, pointing to the wristband as he holds his hand up. You reach out to touch it, tracing the words.

‘love you to the moon and to saturn’

“Well, I got one, you have a necklace.”

You smile, placing your hand on the locket, “yeah.”

You turn it around, looking at the half moon that he got customized just for you.

You tear your eyes away from him and look around, furrowing your brows when you realize something.

“You know what, we should stop doing this.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, tilting his head.

“Saying goodbye in my driveway.”

He chuckles, though it’s a sad one.

“This is the last one,” he whispers. “Of this kind, at least. Our future goodbyes won’t be so…”

“Sad?”

“Yeah.” He takes your hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

He takes a step forward, he leans down and kisses your cheek, not paying attention to the feeling in his heart or the way his lips tingle when they touch your skin for the last time. He gives your hand a squeeze before he pulls away again.

“I’ll see you around.”

He can tell that you’re trying not to cry, that you are forcing a smile onto your face.

“Yeah, I’ll see you around, Steve.”

You can tell that he wants to say more. He looks at you. His eyes trace every inch of your face, like he’s trying to memorize you. And then, he nods to himself, blinking and giving you one last smile before he turns away from you.

You watch him leave.

For the last time, you watch him walk away from you.

You stand there and wait until he is gone, until you no longer see his car in the distance.

And just like that, he is gone, again.

And your tears are falling again.

A/N: I know that no one cares about my feelings cause I did this. But I want you to know that I freaking suffered writing this chapter. It felt heartbreaking and sad and wrong. I really wanted Steve to be the one. And my choice has nothing to do with the fact that I'm an Eddie girl, I love Steve, as well. (I know some of you don't believe this but I've loved him since 2016 so shut up, please and thanks). I didn't know how to make him come back from all what he did -- the emotional cheating, the pain he put her through, the heartbreak, the betrayal. It was too much and this ending genuinely has nothing to do with Eddie being in this story.

But also, please remember. This is not the ending of the story. So before you send any hate to me, remember that there will be another chapter and an epilogue. Anything can happen in an epilogue, just saying.

Also, I'll be working on a new Steve series. Strictly Steve x reader, I promise

@mysticmunson @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @succubusmunson @xxhellfirebunnyxx @somethingvicked @sherrylyn628 @nemesis729 @munson-mjstan

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington angst #steve harrington series #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things angst

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hd-junglebook · 4 days

Text

Little Dove

Quinn Hughes x Reader

a:n Here is part 2, the only thing I could think of while writing this was 'The Gold' by Phoebe Bridgers. I think it really speaks for how y/n sees the situation and her life at the moment.

Masterlist Link

Summary: He's everything she wants. He's everything she wished she had. All she wanted was him. The hot and cold game has finally reached its limit.

Word Count - 5046

The sleek, black limo glided up the long, winding driveway, its polished exterior gleaming under the warm sunlight. As it approached the magnificent mansion, Y/N couldn't help but marvel at the opulent surroundings.

The meticulously manicured lawn stretched out before her, a lush carpet of vibrant green grass that looked almost too perfect to be real.

In the center of the sprawling grounds, a grand fountain stood tall, its crystal-clear water cascading down the intricately carved stone tiers, creating a soothing symphony of gentle splashes.

As the limo came to a stop near the impressive front steps, a group of well-dressed helpers emerged from the mansion's large, ornate doors. They stood at attention, their crisp uniforms and shoes polished.

Just then, the front doors swung open, and Y/N's grandmother stepped out, a vision of elegance and grace. She was dressed in an all-white ensemble, the flowing fabric of her dress billowing gently in the breeze.

Her delicate hands were adorned with pristine white gloves, and a strand of exquisite pearls rested against her neck, catching the light and adding to her air of sophistication.

The driver swiftly exited the limo and rushed to Y/N's side, opening the door with a practiced flourish. He offered his hand, assisting Y/N and her mother out of the vehicle with the utmost care and reverence.

As they walked closer to the steps, Y/N's grandmother's face lit up with a warm, genuine smile. "Oh, darling, how I've longed to see you," she exclaimed, her voice filled with affection. "Come here, little dove."

Y/N couldn't help but feel a surge of emotion as she stepped into her grandmother's embrace. The older woman's arms wrapped around her, enveloping her in a comforting warmth that seemed to chase away all the stress and disappointment she had been carrying. It had been so long since anyone in her family had shown her such pure, unconditional love and acceptance.

Y/N breathed in the sweet, familiar scent of her grandmother's perfume, a delicate blend of chamomile and sugar.

The softness of her grandmother's gloves against her skin was a soothing contrast to the cold, impersonal interactions she was used to with her parents.

Around them, the grandeur of the mansion seemed to fade into the background, the lavish furnishings and priceless works of art becoming mere footnotes in the presence of Y/N and her grandmother.

Once they separated Y/N's grandmother cupped her face with her gloved hands, her eyes shining with pride and adoration. "Let me look at you, my dear," she said softly, taking in every detail of Y/N's appearance. "You've grown into such a beautiful young woman."

…

The posse entered the sun room, Y/N was struck by the sheer elegance of the space. The room was flooded with natural light, the sun's rays filtering through the large, floor-to-ceiling windows that offered a breathtaking view of the meticulously landscaped gardens beyond.

In the center of the room, a grand table was set with the finest china and silverware, each place setting arranged with precision and care. The aroma of freshly prepared delicacies filled the air, making Y/N's mouth water in anticipation.

As they took their seats, the conversation flowed easily, punctuated by laughter and the clinking of glasses. However, after a while, Cherise turned to Y/N with a knowing smile and asked her to accompany her for a walk in the garden.

Arm in arm, the two women strolled through the lush, meticulously maintained grounds. The garden was a true work of art, with winding paths that led through a maze of fragrant rose bushes, towering topiaries, and bubbling fountains.

Cherise broached the subject that had been weighing on her mind. "Tell me, dear, when will you settle down?" she asked, her voice laced with concern. "It hurts me to see you alone."

Y/N shook her head, a smile playing on her lips. "I'm not alone, grandmother," she replied, her voice soft but filled with contentment. "I am with someone. Nothing serious, but things are going smoothly now. He makes me happy."

The steady click of their heels against the pavement punctuated their words. Cherise listened intently, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Then give me a grandbaby already, if you're so happy," she teased, her laughter ringing out like a bell in the garden. Y/N couldn't help but join in, their laughter mingling with the chirping of the birds and the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze.

Y/N smiled softly as her grandmother continued, her words filled with wisdom and understanding. "I'm only joking, little dove. I would like to meet him, maybe when things get 'serious,' I guess. I want you to feel love like I have with your grandfather. You deserve that, not some beneficial marriage like your mother and father. I don't know where I went wrong with her."

Y/N nodded along, finding no reason to disagree with her grandmother's sentiment. She knew that her parents' relationship was one of convenience and status, lacking the warmth and genuine connection she craved. "I think you'd like him," she said, a hint of hope in her voice.

As they neared the house, Dedra rushed down the stairs, her face tight with impatience. "Let's go, we have to get back to work," she demanded, her tone leaving no room for argument.

…

Y/N stepped into her bedroom, exhaustion weighing heavily on her shoulders. She slipped out of her clothes and into a comfortable robe, the soft fabric caressing her skin. Settling down at her vanity, she began removing her makeup, the process of wiping away the day's mask a soothing ritual.

As she reached for her phone, she noticed a message from Quinn. Her heart skipped a beat as she opened the conversation, eager to connect with him after the emotionally draining day.

Y/N: I wish you were here with me. Today was intense.

Quinn: I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?

Y/N: It's just family stuff. They have all these expectations, and I feel like I'm constantly disappointing them.

They texted back and forth, Y/N continued getting ready, applying her makeup with practiced precision. Once she finished her base, she stood up and slipped into the red dress she had chosen for their date. The fabric hugged her curves perfectly, accentuating her figure in all the right places.

She admired her reflection in the mirror, a small smile playing on her lips as she imagined Quinn's reaction. Just then, her phone buzzed with another message.

Quinn: I'm outside.

Y/N felt a flutter of excitement mixed with nerves as she grabbed her purse and made her way to the front door. She stepped outside, the cool evening air kissing her skin as she walked towards Quinn's car.

He had his windows rolled down, a smile on his face as he watched her approach. His eyes roamed over her body appreciatively, taking in the sight of her in the stunning red dress.

"Looking good," he said, his voice smooth and filled with admiration.

Y/N felt a blush creep onto her cheeks, a mixture of pleasure and uncertainty swirling within her. “Thanks hottie.” she said as she slid into the passenger seat. She knew that her feelings for Quinn were growing stronger each day, but the fear of him not wanting her scared beyond comprehension.

Quinn pulled out of Y/N's driveway, he glanced over at her, his gaze lingering for a few seconds. The curiosity in his eyes was evident. "So where is this restaurant you were telling me about or is it some kind of surprise?" she asked, leaning over the middle console.

He smiled mysteriously, enjoying the playful anticipation that hung in the air between them. "You'll just have to wait and see," he teased. Quinn chuckled at her betrayed expression, shaking his head in amusement as he focused on the road ahead.

conversation flowed easily between them, filled with laughter and the occasional playful jab. Even though they talked about nothing of great importance, Y/N found herself thoroughly enjoying the simple pleasure of Quinn's company.

city lights flashed by the windows, painting the interior of the car with a kaleidoscope of colors. Y/N leaned back in her seat, feeling a sense of contentment wash over her.

As they continued driving, y/n’s curiosity got the better of her once more. "Come on, Y/N, give me a hint," she pleaded, eyes sparkling with amusement. "I'm dying to know where you're taking me."

Quinn laughed, the sound filled with genuine joy. "Patience, dear," he chided gently, reaching over to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I promise it'll be worth the wait."

…

Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine as Quinn's strong hands grasped her waist, his touch both thrilling and comforting. She looked up at him, her eyes meeting his, and saw a glimmer of affection and excitement reflected back at her.

"Lead the way," she said softly, a smile playing on her lips as she allowed him to guide her towards the restaurant.

As they approached the entrance, Y/N couldn't help but marvel at the grandeur of the establishment. The facade was a masterpiece of modern architecture. The name of the restaurant was emblazoned above the doors in elegant, golden script.

Quinn's arm remained securely around her waist as they stepped through the doors. The interior of the restaurant was just as breathtaking as the exterior, with plush carpets, glittering chandeliers, and rich, velvet draperies.

The hostess led them to their table, she glanced at Quinn, taking in the way his suit hugged his athletic frame and the confident, easy smile that played on his lips. When they were seated, Quinn reached across the table and took her hand in his, his fingers intertwining with hers. She squeezed his hand in return.

They perused the menu, discussing the various options and sharing bites of each other's dishes. Quinn enthusiastically shared his plans for preparing his hockey team for the upcoming season. He spoke about new training regimens, team-building exercises, and strategies he hoped to implement.

Y/N listened intently, her eyes focused on Quinn as he passionately described his goals and aspirations.

However, at one point, Quinn glanced over at Y/N, a flicker of doubt crossing his features. He wondered if she was truly interested in the intricacies of his hockey career or if he was boring her with the details. Y/N, sensing his uncertainty, quickly broke into a smile and laughed, hoping to ease his worries.

"Everything about you interests me, Quinn," she said earnestly, reaching across the table to take his hand in hers. "I could never get bored of you. Being around you makes me happy, ya know?"

The sincerity in her voice was evident, but Quinn's reaction was not what Y/N had expected. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his hand stiffening under her touch. An awkward silence fell between them, the air thick with tension.

Quinn cleared his throat, his eyes darting around the restaurant as if searching for an escape. "Y/N," he began, his voice strained, "I... I think we need to talk."

Y/N felt her heart sink, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach. She withdrew her hand from his, folding her arms across her chest as if to protect herself from the words she knew were coming.

"I care about you, Y/N. I really do," Quinn continued, his gaze finally settling on her face. "But I need you to understand that I'm not looking for anything too serious right now. I thought we were on the same page about that."

Y/N nodded slowly, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. She knew Quinn had been clear about his intentions from the start, but somewhere along the way, she had allowed herself to hope for more.

"I know," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I didn't mean to pressure you."

Quinn sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's not your fault, Y/N. I should have been more clear. I just... I don't want to hurt you."

The words hung heavy in the air between them, a reminder of the fragility of their connection. Y/N forced a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"It's okay, Quinn. We can take things slow. I'm just happy to be here with you." Quinn returned her smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. The rest of the evening was spent in polite conversation, but the earlier ease and warmth between them had dissipated.

…

The pulsing rhythms of the music filled the crowded nightclub, the bass thumping through the floor and vibrating in Y/N's chest as she carefully navigated her way back to the booth where her friends were waiting. In her hands, she balanced a tray laden with six colorful cocktails, each one adorned with a tiny umbrella and a slice of fruit.

Y/N couldn't help but smile at the sight of her five best friends, all dressed to the nines and ready for a night of fun and laughter. She shimmied into the booth, sliding in next to Raven, her closest confidante.

"Ladies, I present to you six drinks for six beautiful women," Y/N announced, her voice rising above the din of the club. She passed out the cocktails, each one met with a chorus of excited cheers and appreciative nods.

The women wasted no time in downing their drinks, the sweet, fruity flavors masking the potent alcohol within. As they finished, they let out exaggerated gasps and howls of delight, the alcohol already beginning to work its magic and loosen their inhibitions.

Raven leaned in close to Y/N, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "So, see anyone you like?" she drawled out, her voice low and conspiratorial.

Y/N surveyed the dance floor, her gaze roving over the writhing bodies and the flashing lights. She had to admit, there were plenty of attractive men in the club tonight, their bodies moving in perfect sync with the pulsing beat.

"A few," she admitted, a sly smile playing on her lips. "But no one interesting enough to take home, that's for sure."

Raven giggled at Y/N's response, her laughter infectious and carefree. She scanned the room herself, her eyes suddenly widening as she spotted someone across the way.

"Well, I see one eyeing you up over there," she said, pointing discreetly in the direction of the bar.

Y/N followed Raven's finger, her gaze landing on a devastatingly handsome man with curly black hair and a chiseled jawline. He was leaning against the bar, his back pressed against the polished wood, and his eyes were locked on Y/N, a smoldering intensity in his gaze.

Y/N felt a flush of heat rush through her body as she met his stare, her heart skipping a beat in her chest. She raised her hand in a small wave, a coy smile playing on her lips.

But even as she flirted with the stranger across the room, Y/N couldn't shake the nagging feeling of guilt that tugged at the back of her mind. She thought of Quinn and the uncertain status of their relationship.

"I don't know, Raven," she said, her voice tinged with hesitation. "I haven't ended things with Quinn yet. It would feel wrong to pursue someone else."

A collective groan sounded from the table, as her friends all chimed in with their opinions.

"Girl, you're single. Do what you want," one said, her voice firm and encouraging.

"Quinn's not here tonight. What he doesn't know won't hurt him," another added, her tone mischievous and daring.

Y/N bit her lip, torn between her desire to let loose and have fun and her loyalty to the man she cared for.

She knew things with Quinn were complicated, that he had been distant and evasive in recent days. But still, the thought of betraying his trust, even in a moment of drunken weakness, made her stomach churn.

As she sat there, surrounded by the pulsing energy of the club and the encouraging words of her friends, Y/N knew she had a decision to make. She could play it safe, go home alone and wait for Quinn to come around. Or she could take a chance, let herself get swept up in the moment and see where the night might lead her.

With a deep breath and a final glance at the handsome stranger across the room, Y/N made her choice.

…

The heat of the crowded dance floor was almost unbearable as Y/N swayed to the pulsing beat, her body moving in perfect sync with the mysterious man from the bar. His hands were on her hips, his touch searing through the thin fabric of her dress and setting her skin ablaze.

The dance floor was a sea of moving bodies, gyrating and swaying to the music as the multicolored lights flashed and swirled overhead, casting a kaleidoscope of hues across the sweat-slicked skin of the dancers.

Y/N felt the heat rising from the packed bodies around her, the air thick with the scent of perfume, alcohol, and pheromones. She moved in perfect rhythm with the mysterious man from the bar, their bodies impossibly close as they lost themselves in the primal, sensual flow of the music.

His hands roamed over her curves, his touch both electrifying and possessive as he pulled her flush against his muscular frame. Y/N could feel the hard planes of his chest pressing against her back, his hips grinding against hers in a way that sent shivers of desire racing down her spine.

Clinking glasses and raucous laughter from the nearby bar mixed with the pounding bass, creating a heady cocktail of sensory overload.

Y/N felt dizzy with the rush of it all, her head spinning from the alcohol and the intoxicating presence of the man behind her. As the song reached its crescendo, he leaned in close, his hot breath tickling the sensitive skin of her neck as he mumbled something in her ear, his words almost lost in the pounding music.

Y/N turned in his hold, pressing her back against his chest and feigning ignorance. "Sorry, the music is really loud. I can't hear you," she shouted over the din, a coy smile playing on her lips.

She felt his chest rumble with laughter, the vibrations sending shivers down her spine. He tightened his grip on her arm, pulling her closer until there was no space left between them.

"I said, come home with me," he repeated, his voice low and husky, filled with unmistakable desire. Y/N's heart raced at his bold suggestion. She knew she should say no, that leaving with a stranger was a dangerous game. But the alcohol in her system and the electric chemistry between them made it hard to think straight.

She turned to face him, a playful shrug on her shoulders. "I can't leave my friends alone tonight," she said, her voice apologetic. "But how about I give you my number instead?"

The man's face hardened, a flash of annoyance crossing his features. He scoffed, as if offended by her suggestion, and shook his head in disbelief.

"Fine," he said, his tone clipped as he extended his phone towards her. "Put it in."

Y/N took the device, her fingers trembling slightly as she typed in a fake number, purposely transposing the digits. She couldn't risk giving him her real contact information, not when she was still unsure of her feelings for Quinn.

She handed the phone back and fixed him with a stern look. "Now, shut up and dance," she said, her voice firm and unyielding. The man's eyes narrowed, a flicker of anger burning in their depths. He grabbed her wrist, his grip tight and possessive.

"You think you can just tease me like that and walk away?" he growled, his face inches from hers. "I don't take kindly to being led on." Y/N's heart hammered in her chest, fear and adrenaline coursing through her veins. She tried to pull away, but his hold was too strong.

"Let go of me," she said, her voice shaking with a mix of anger and fear. "I don't owe you anything."

Around them, the other dancers continued to move, oblivious to the drama unfolding in their midst. Y/N's friends were nowhere to be seen, lost in the sea of writhing bodies and flashing lights.

The man's grip tightened, his fingers digging into her skin. "No one rejects me!”

With a sudden burst of strength, Y/N wrenched her arm free, stumbling backwards and nearly losing her balance. She turned on her heel, pushing through the crowd as she desperately searched for her friends.

Her heart was racing, her breath coming in short, panicked gasps.

…

Y/N stumbled out of the nightclub, her heart pounding and her head spinning from the encounter. The cool night air hit her skin, providing a momentary relief from the stifling heat of the dance floor.

She leaned against the rough brick wall, her hands shaking as she fumbled with her phone, scrolling through her contacts until she found Quinn's name.

She hesitated for a moment, her thumb hovering over the call button. Things between her and Quinn had been strained lately, and she wasn't sure if he would even answer. But as a wave of nausea washed over her, the severity of the situation hit her, and she knew she needed help.

Y/N pressed the button, holding the phone to her ear as she tried to steady her breathing. The line rang once, twice, and then a third time before Quinn's voice finally filled her ear.

"Hello?" he answered, the sound of music and laughter echoing in the background.

"Quinn," Y/N said, her voice trembling. "I... I need you."

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and for a moment, Y/N feared he would hang up on her. But then Quinn's voice returned, this time laced with concern.

"Y/N? What's wrong? Where are you?"

She took a shuddering breath, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "I'm at Taipei," she said, her words coming out in a rush. "I... I was dancing with this guy, and he... he tried to... I don't know, I just... I need you to come get me. Please."

There was another pause, and Y/N could hear the sound of Quinn moving, the background noise fading as he stepped away from wherever he was. "I'm on my way," he said, his voice firm and reassuring. "Stay where you are, okay? I'll be there as soon as I can."

Y/N nodded, even though she knew he couldn't see her. "Okay," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the sound of her own heartbeat.

As the call ended, Y/N slid down the wall, hugging her knees to her chest as the tears finally spilled over. She felt sick to her stomach.

…

"Y/N!"

She looked up, her vision blurry with tears, to see Quinn running towards her, his face etched with worry. He dropped to his knees beside her, his arms instinctively wrapping around her trembling frame.

"I'm here," he murmured, his voice soft and soothing.

Y/N clung to him, burying her face in his chest as the emotions she had been holding back finally broke free. She sobbed openly, her body shaking with the force of her tears as Quinn held her close, his hands rubbing gentle circles on her back.

Y/N's voice trembled as she spoke, her words laced with a mixture of sadness and desperation. "What have you been doing? It's been days, Quinn. Days without a single word from you."

Quinn froze, caught off guard by her sudden questioning. He stumbled over his words, trying to find the right response. "I... I've been busy, Y/N. You know how it is."

She shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "No, I don't know how it is. You don't want to talk to me? Is that what this is?" Her voice cracked, the pain in her heart spilling out into her words. "I don't want to do this with you anymore if you don't want to be with me eventually, Quinn. I can't keep going on like this."

Quinn reached out to her, his eyes pleading. "Y/N, please. Let's not do this now. We'll talk in the morning, okay? When we've both had a chance to clear our mind, and we’re home in bed."

But Y/N couldn't hold back the flood of emotions any longer. She looked at him, her eyes searching his face for any sign of the affection she so desperately craved. "Do you feel anything for me, Quinn? Even just a little?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Of course I do Y/N..."

"Please," she begged, her voice barely above a whisper. "Just be honest with me then. Am I not good enough? Is that why you've been pulling away?"

Quinn's heart ached at the sight of her pain, but he couldn't find the words to comfort her. He knew that his own doubts and fears had been holding him back, preventing him from fully committing to their relationship.

"It's not that, Y/N. It's just... complicated."

She let out a bitter laugh, the sound cutting through the cool night air. "Complicated. Right. That's what it always is with you, isn't it?"

Y/N wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling incredibly small and vulnerable. She looked up at the sky, the stars blurring together through her tears. "I can't keep doing this, Quinn. I can't keep going on dates and sleeping with you, only to be pushed away. It hurts too much."

Quinn's voice wavered as he spoke, his words laced with a deep, aching sadness. "Y/N, please just let me explain at a better time."

But Y/N couldn't hold back the flood of emotions that threatened to consume her. She looked at him, her eyes shimmering with tears that refused to fall.

"If I could go back to the night we met, I would never have agreed to this," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the pounding of her own heart. "You make me feel so loved and like you care about me, then you ignore me when I say anything that sounds like I care about you."

The night seemed to grow colder around them, the stars fading into the inky blackness of the sky.

Quinn took a step towards her, his hand outstretched. "I don't mean to hurt you. At all," he said, his voice cracking with emotion.

"What I want is complicated, Y/N. You're so good to me. If I allowed myself to ruin it, I would never forgive myself." Quinn felt his own heart constrict, the depth of her pain hitting him like a physical blow.

Y/N shook her head, a single tear finally escaping and rolling down her cheek. "But don't you see? You're already ruining it. By pushing me away, by refusing to let yourself feel what I know is there."

He wanted so badly to take her in his arms, to promise her that everything would be okay. But he knew that he couldn't make that promise, not when he was still so unsure of his own heart.

Y/N's shoulders shook with silent sobs, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as if to hold the pieces of her shattered heart together. "I don't need you to be perfect, Quinn. I just need you to be honest with me. To stop running away from what we both know is true."

She turned to walk away, Quinn reached out and grabbed her hand. With a gentle tug, he pulled her into his chest, his arms instinctively wrapping around her trembling frame. Y/N's breath caught in her throat as Quinn's lips brushed against her forehead.

Quinn inhaled deeply, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair, the warmth of her body against his own. Before Y/N had a chance to protest, to pull away from his embrace, Quinn gently guided her towards his car.

He opened the passenger side door, his hand resting on the small of her back as he helped her inside. With a tender touch, he reached over and clipped her seatbelt, his fingers lingering on the soft skin of her neck for just a moment longer than necessary.

As Quinn slid into the driver's seat, he could feel the weight of Y/N's gaze on him but he couldn't find the words to reassure her, couldn't find the courage to voice the depths of his own feelings.

Instead, he put the car in drive, the engine humming to life as they pulled away from the curb. Y/N turned her head towards the window, her eyes fixed on the expanse of the city that stretched out before them. Tears slipped silently down her cheeks, the glittering lights of the skyline blurring together through her watery vision.

The drive was silent, the only sound the steady thrum of the engine and the distant wail of sirens in the night. Quinn's hands gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white with tension as he navigated the familiar streets that led to Y/N's home.

The sight of her own front door, the promise of solitude and comfort, was a balm to her aching heart. Quinn cut the engine, the sudden silence deafening in the confines of the car.

He moved quickly, exiting the driver's side and rounding the front of the car to open Y/N's door. She stumbled slightly as she stepped out, her legs unsteady beneath her. Quinn's hand found the small of her back once more, his touch a gentle guide as they walked together towards her front door.

With a sense of déjà vu, Quinn reached into his pocket and pulled out the spare key Y/N had given him months ago, he slid the key into the lock, the click of the tumblers echoing loudly in the stillness of the night.

As the door swung open, Y/N stepped inside, the familiar scent of home enveloping her like a warm embrace. She turned to face Quinn, her eyes searching his face for any sign of the love and affection she so desperately craved.

But his expression was unreadable, his own emotions carefully guarded behind a mask of stoic resolve.

…

Message me to be added to the tag list!! feedback is always appreciated. Lmk how you feel.

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@poppysbestie

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elordilover · 3 months

Note

Could you write a soft book shop meet for reader x renee

omg yes i love this idea!!! thank you for the request! 🫶🏻

bookstore meeting

summary: you and reneé meet each other unexpectedly

warnings: nothing! not proof read, sorry if this sucks

————————————————————————

you felt the cold february air blow through your hair as you quickly walked down the street to one of your favorite spots, barnes & noble. you adjusted the strap on your tote bad and put your airpod in your ear, you decided to play some phoebe bridgers.

you opened the door and immediately felt at home, you felt comfortable. this was your favorite place to be on a cold winter day. you waltzed over the the romance section to find the book you were looking for: beach read by emily henry. all of the colors were merging together, it was hard to find it when every single book had a colorful spine.

when you finally found the shelf with her books you scanned over it until you found the book that you came here for. it was perfect. you searched around to find the one that was in the best condition.

“um, excuse me, sorry”, you heard a soft voice from behind you, you quickly turned around and moved out of the way while also taking out your airpod at the same time.

“oh, i’m sorry”, you replied feeling your heartbeat quicken seeing how beautiful this girl that was in front of you. something about her felt familiar but you couldn’t tell what.

“oh my god! is that beach read? i literally adore that book! it’s the cutest thing! you are going to love it!”, the blond said, catching you off guard.

“really? i’ve heard lots of good things about it!”, you replied, feeling nervous talking to a girl that could easily be a greek goddess. you noticed how she was looking for a book but couldn’t find the exact one.

“what book are you looking for?”, your mouth blurted out before your brain could comprehend what you were saying. you felt your cheeks turn red when she turned to look at you.

“it’s called the flat share, it’s by beth o’leary. i don’t know if you’ve heard of it but online it said it was right here so i’m not sure if why i can’t find it”, the ranted.

“huh”, you hummed out while scanning the shelves for her book this time. you spotted exactly what she was looking for.

“oh here! i found it”, you said to her while handing the book over to her. while you were doing that you noticed how perfectly her hands and nails looked, she had too have just gotten them done.

“thank you so much!! finally”, you could tell how excited she was.

“of course! i’m glad i could help”

“what what was your name?”, she asked you. you were not ready for this question and barely got it out of your mouth.

“Y- Y/N”, you nervously stated.

“Y/N”, she repeated to herself, “i’m reneé”

your cheeks started to heat up when she said your name. your name never sounded as beautiful as when she said it. it never sounded as important as when her lips shaped the sounds that created it.

when she said that her name was reneé you knew exactly who she was. reneé rapp. it didn’t hit you. you are standing right in front of reneé rapp.

after a few moments of awkward silence, she spoke again, “umm can i have your number?”, she hesitantly spoke, “you seem really nice and i’d love to get to know you”.

what. how is this real life. reneé rapp just asked for your number. you were internally freaking out.

“oh um yeah”, you replied while you told her what it was.

“okay perfect! thank you”, she said happily while she entered the numbers into her phone.

“wait this is how you spell it right”, she said while passing her phone over to you.

“yeah it’s perfect”, you replied after checking. a lot of people got your name wrong, and it bothered you a lot of the time, but if reneé got your name wrong, you would never want to be called something else ever again.

you guys walked up to the register and paid separately. then, you walked out of the store together, dreading having to leave her.

“bye reneé”, you said as you waved toward her.

“bye Y/N! i’ll text you!”, she yelled back you two walked tour separate ways.

once you got home you saw a text on your phone that read: “hey :)”, and you immediately got butterflies.

————————————————————————

let me know if you want a part 2!! also please send feedback!

send more requests! i love them, im also working on a couple others right now!

🍓🍊🫧🎀🪷🐞🌎💌🪻🪩🐝🥥🫀⭐️♥️🪸🫶🏻

#renee rapp x reader #renee rapp #renee rapp fanfiction #bookstore meeting #renee #renee rapp x you #you x renee rapp #books #famous! renee #writing #x reader

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beskarandblasters · 11 months

Text

Waiting Room

No Outbreak!Joel x F!Reader

Inspired by Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers

Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist

Summary: After spending two years at a local community college you’re getting ready to transfer to a four year school away from home and have the “true college experience”. That is until Joel Miller, a 30 year old single dad, moves across the street and you find yourself fixated on him.

Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: reader is able-bodied, canon divergent, age gap relationship (10 years), fingering, vaginal sex, reader is on birth control, no mentions of physical description of reader besides the fact that she has hair and is shorter than Joel (doesn’t specify by how much), angst

“If you were a teacher, I would fail your class

Take it over and over 'til you noticed me

If you were a waiting room, I would never see a doctor

I would sit there with my first aid kit and bleed”

“What a beautiful ceremony,” your mom says as your dad pulls onto the freeway.

“It was alright, I guess. It’s just community college, mom,” you sigh.

“Community college is still something to be celebrated,” your dad chimes in, looking at you in the rearview mirror.

You don’t respond. You lean against the window and let out a small sigh. The end of community college meant one thing; leaving home and going to school. You’re going to the University of Houston which is roughly three hours away from home. Albeit, not too far away but you’re excited to have the true college experience. You’re hoping to make new friends and hopefully meet someone. You had a boyfriend in high school but that was it. Dating is hard when you’re a commuter student who lives at home. But that’s all about to change.

You think about your new life come the end of the summer the whole drive home, not really paying attention to what your parents were saying. But you’re snapped out of your thoughts when your dad turns onto your street and your mom says, “Look, honey. The neighbor across the street is moving in today.”

You look over and see a man standing by a truck in his driveway, holding a baby on his hip. Your dad slows the car down and stops at the end of his driveway. Your mom rolls down the window and says, “Hi! We live across the street. It’s nice to meet you.”

Your mom tells him your names and he smiles at you. You make eye contact but look away quickly, feeling shy.

“I’m Joel Miller. And this is my daughter, Sarah,” he says.

“Let me park the car and we’ll come over and say hi properly,” your dad says.

You groan slightly. You’re not really in the mood to socialize right now. But before you can protest your mom opens the car door and motions for you to get out. The three of you walk over to Joel’s driveway and shake hands.

“I see someone graduated today,” Joel says, commenting on your graduation gown.

“Oh it’s nothing special,” you say, looking down at your feet, “It’s just community college.”

“She’ll be going to the University of Houston in the fall,” your mom says.

“Going away to school, huh? That’s when the real fun begins,” Joel says.

You look up from your feet and look at him. He shoots you a wink and you can feel your cheeks heating up.

“If you need anything at all let us know,” your mom says.

“Thank you, ma’am. I guess I should get this one down for a nap. I’ll see you guys later,” he says smiling at you.

Before he turns to go inside you get a good look at him in the sun, lighting up his features. You look at his form and his arm wrapped around Sarah. He looks strong and muscular, his biceps straining against the sleeves of his shirt. Before you can ogle him anymore he’s back inside his house and your parents start walking home. You turn and shake your head a little before following them.

You don’t see Joel again for another week. During that time you were a little disappointed but you couldn’t put your finger on why. It’s around four o’clock and you’re just about to finish your routine walk and head home when you see Joel on the opposite side of the street heading towards you.

“Hey there!” he says, walking over to you. His gray shirt clings to him with patches of sweat. He must be on a run.

“Hey, Joel… On a run?”

“Yeah, just squeezing one in before I pick up Sarah from daycare. Do you normally walk in the neighborhood around this time?”

Has he been watching you?

“Yeah… I guess I do.”

“We could walk together if you want. I get home from work early sometimes and have time to kill before I go get Sarah.”

Why is he being so nice to you? You’re not used to men taking an interest in you, much less men like Joel.

“Sure. Same time tomorrow?” you ask before turning to your driveway.

“Sure thing. See you tomorrow!” he calls before heading inside.

The next day rolls around and you walk to the end of your driveway, waiting for Joel. You feel butterflies in your stomach and your legs feel like jelly.

Stop. He just moved here. He’s probably lonely, you think to yourself.

You see his front door open. Once Joel spots you waiting his face breaks into a smile. You give him a small wave and meet him in the street.

“Ready?” he asks.

You nod and start walking. It’s a bit awkward at first. You don’t really know what to say. You think about the neighborhood; people watching you two from their front windows and wondering what business you have being together.

“You okay, sweets?”

You feel your heart drop to your stomach. The nickname. Where did that come from?

“I guess I’m just nervous is all.”

“Why’s that, sweets?”

“I’m not sure… I guess I’m just worried about what the neighborhood will think… seeing us together.”

“We’re just on a walk. But if you want we could always head back to my place. Are your folks home?”

Your heart leaps at the thought of being in his house alone with him. But not in a bad way. You want that so badly. You want nothing more than to spend alone time with him while he calls you cute pet names.

“No they won’t be home until after six… After this street we could go to your house if you want…”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll follow your lead.”

You both go silent again. You pick up the pace a little, eager to make it back to his house already. When you reach his driveway he leads you inside and says, “Make yourself at home. You want a glass of lemonade, sweets? It was a scorcher out there today.”

“Uh, sure,” you say, sitting down on his couch gingerly.

After a moment, he returns to the living room and sets two glasses down on the coffee table. You sit there in silence, awkwardly sipping your lemonade, waiting for him to say something.

“So why do I make you nervous, sweets?”

“I guess… I’m just confused as to why someone like you would be interested in someone like me.”

He falls silent. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he wasn’t actually into you. Maybe he was just being friendly. He sets his glass down on the coffee table and leans closer to you.

“Someone like me?” he asks.

“You know… someone older, someone… cooler. Someone attractive.”

The words were just slipping out.

“So you find me attractive?” he presses further. You’re facing each other now, trying so hard to read his facial expression and body language.

“I… Yes. Yes, I do,” you admit.

“Wow. Didn’t think a pretty girl like you would be into an old man like me.”

You stare at him with wide eyes, in disbelief that he just said that; that he just called you pretty. Your face feels hot and your head feels fuzzy. Without thinking, you lean forward and press your lips against, half expecting him to pull away. But he doesn’t. In fact, he melts into your touch, pulling you closer. His hands find your hair. You’re feeling brave now. Not only did you kiss Joel Miller first but he pulled you closer. You brush your tongue against his lips and he hums into the kiss, parting his lips slightly to let you gain access. He tastes sweet from the lemonade he was just drinking. He pushes against you lightly, coaxing you to lay down the couch. He decides he wants his tongue in your mouth now, pressing it against yours. You part your mouth as he explores it with his tongue. You whimper a little bit underneath him, making him moan into your mouth. You want more. You can’t get enough of him. You reach your hand down to the waistband of his pants but he pulls away.

“Let’s save that for next time, sweets.

He wants a next time, you think to yourself.

You nod and he kisses your forehead. You stay there like that for a moment, underneath him and staring into each other's eyes.

“I guess I should get home,” you say.

He nods and pulls himself off of you. You stand up and try to fix the back of your hair, a little matted from your couch make out session. You get nervous for a second, worried about what the neighbors will think seeing you leave Joel’s all frazzled.

“Same time tomorrow?” he asks, leading you to the door.

“Actually… Can we walk somewhere else? Maybe the park… and maybe a little bit later? Maybe around 6:30?”

You wince, worried that he’s going to be offended that you don't want to be seen with him. But he’s not.

“Sure thing, sweets. I’ll see if my brother, Tommy, can watch Sarah after work. Wanna meet me there?”

“Sure… See you tomorrow, Joel,” you say, reaching for the door handle.

But before you can leave he grabs you by the waist and kisses you again, catching you off guard.

He pulls away and says, “One for the road.”

“I literally live across the street,” you laugh.

“Doesn’t matter,” he says, pressing a kiss on your forehead, “See you tomorrow, sweets.”

He lets go of you and you leave. You feel his eyes on you as you walk home. You reach your front door and you turn around to get one last look at his house. To your surprise he’s still there. You give each other a small wave before you go inside. You close the door behind you and lean against it, smiling like an idiot. You go to your room and think about what you’re going to wear tomorrow.

After a while you hear your mom come home.

“How was your day, honey?” she calls to you.

“Really great actually…”

“That’s good to hear,” she says.

You smile to yourself, thinking about how she doesn’t know the reason why. It feels good to have a little secret like this. You go to bed that night finding yourself unable to sleep. You’re too busy thinking about seeing Joel tomorrow.

You wake up for the day and hope it goes by fast. Between making a shopping list for school, picking out your outfit and eating lunch the day doesn’t drag on too long. You get ready and put on a blue and white floral dress with white converse. Not really ideal for going on a walk but you’re hoping it’ll be more than that.

You go to grab your keys to leave but you decide to leave a note for your parents. You make up some lie about getting ice cream and seeing a movie with some friends from high school that were home for the summer. You leave the note on the kitchen counter and leave, getting in your car to drive to the park. The whole drive to the park you’re nervous. You never even confirmed if the plan was still on; if Sarah could go to Tommy’s. You decide that you’ll wait until six before going home. You pull into the parking lot and wait, twiddling your thumbs and switching between radio stations. After a while you see Joel’s black truck pull in and feel relieved. The park is a little dead today which makes you feel relieved even more. You get out of your car to meet him and he immediately greets you with a kiss.

He pulls away and says, “How was your day, sweets?”

“Just got a little better,” you reply, smiling at him.

“Only a little? After tonight you’ll think differently,” he teases.

You walk around the park together as it gets darker and darker. He tells you he’s a contractor. He tells you about his daughter and how her mom left them soon after she was born. You tell him about school but you choose to not talk about leaving in the fall… He listens to you and makes you feel seen; makes you feel wanted. You haven’t known him that long at all but you can feel yourself falling for him.

Eventually you two are the only ones left at the park as the sun starts to set. You’re sitting on a bench, thighs pressed together. The anticipation in the air is heavy as both of you know what you want. You want him to act on it first. You turn to look up at him and as if he reads your mind he caresses your face and kisses you. You press against him more, turning the kiss into full blown making out.

He pulls back and whispers against your ear, “Wanna go back to the truck, sweets?”

You nod and rise from the bench. He keeps a hand on the small of your back on the walk back to the truck. He opens the door to the backseat and you slide in as he follows and closes the door behind him. He wastes no time kissing you again, but this time he pulls you into his lap. You grind your hips against him as his hands roam your thighs. His calloused hands from manual labor contrast with your soft skin. It reminds you how much of a man he is. You feel his fingers tugging at the seam of your underwear so you spread your legs a bit wider. His fingers tease your entrance making you moan against him. He brings his fingers to his lips to moisten them but before he can slide one in you stop him.

“Joel… I have to tell you something.”

“What is it, sweets?”

“I’ve… never had an orgasm before.”

“Oh baby I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

He slides a finger into your already wet cunt. You rest your head on the back of the seat beside his head and close your eyes in pleasure. He was right; you already feel good. And just off of one finger. He curls in against your walls as you whimper beside his ear. He inserts another finger and you feel yourself expand to accommodate how wide they are. He pumps them in and out of you faster and faster. You feel yourself get close to the edge. And that’s when he brings his thumb to your clit rubbing small, fast circles around the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Cum on my fingers, sweets. Let me feel it.”

You whimper and nod against him, so close but not quite there yet. He curls fingers up against your g-spot in a “come here” motion and that’s when you cum hard. Your release drips down to his wrist, leaving it completely soaked. You moan his name over and over again as you ride out your high, grinding against his hand in the process as he whispers words of praise against your ear.

“You did so good, baby.”

You move your head to look him in the eye after you finish coming, his fingers still inside you.

“Thank you, Joel.”

“I’m glad I could help, baby.”

You kiss him as he pulls his fingers out, whining at the sudden absence inside you. He pulls away and brings his fingers to his mouth to taste you, closing his eyes as he does.

“You taste so good, baby. So sweet.”

You reach your hand between your legs and rub where his cock was straining against the fabric of his pants. He pulls his cock out and gathers more of your release, spreading it on his cock in preparation to fuck you.

“You ready for me, sweets?”

You nod and lower yourself onto him, feeling his cock spread you apart. You stay still for a moment, letting yourself get adjusted to his size and looking into each other's eyes. After getting comfortable you grind yourself against him, hitting you in the most perfect angles. He hands grip your waist as he looks up at you while you fuck yourself on his cock. You feel yourself getting close again; your walls tensing up around him.

“That’s it, baby. Cum again for me,” he says, looking you in the eye.

You cunt pulses and flutters around him as you cum again, ripping through your core. Your hands find his hair as you finish coming, also sending him to the edge. His hands move to your hips to pull you off of him, but you bring a hand to his chest and say, “It’s okay. I’m on the pill.” He nods and you grind against him once more. He shoots his load into you, coating your insides with his warm release.

You both stay there pressed against each other and panting. The inside of the truck is steamy, condensation hanging on the windows. You look at each other with sweaty faces and pupils blown wide. You kiss again, not needing to say any words about what just happened; you both feel the same way.

“I wanna be the power ballad that lifts you up and holds you down

I wanna be the broken love song that feeds your misery

And I can wish all that I want, but it won't bring us together

Plus I know whatever happens to me, I know it's for the better”

And so the rest of the summer you and Joel mess around, finding places to fuck where no one would suspect a thing. Your parents are none the wiser at first but eventually you start to run out of excuses. Joel’s brother, Tommy, on the other hand sensed that something was there from the beginning but chose to look the other way. He’s happy to see that Joel is enjoying himself again after Sarah’s mom left but he worries that you’re too young and naive for Joel. And throughout the whole summer Joel never puts a label on what you are despite how badly you want to be official. But it’s not smart. Not when you’re sneaking around behind your parents back and not when you’re about to go away to school. But the truth is you love him so much and you’ve never told him.

It’s the night before you’re about to leave and you’re laying in the bed of Joel’s truck. He decided to make this time special, bringing you somewhere with less light pollution so you can stargaze and lining the truck bed with pillows and blankets.

He’s between your thighs, cock buried deep in your cunt as he fucks you relentlessly. You try to take a mental image of him above him above you with the starry night sky behind him. You never want this to end. With one last slam of his hips you’re coming around him, gripping his cock like a vice. He paints your walls with thick ropes of cum, burying his face in the crook of your neck. He pulls out if you and collapses next to you, pulling you against him.

“I’m gonna miss you, Joel,” you say into the crook of his neck.

“I’m gonna miss you too, sweets,” he says, running a hand through your hair.

You look up at the stars as you lay against him, tears springing in your eyes as you think about leaving him. You both lay there talking about anything but tomorrow. But soon enough it gets late and you have to get home. You have a three hour drive ahead of you tomorrow. You slip on your clothes and get out of the truck bed, dragging your feet to the front. The drive home is silent, both of you not knowing what to say. But as he pulls up to your house he stops you before you can get out. He leans over and kisses you passionately before whispering against your ear, “One for the road”.

You feel tears sting your eyes again as you get out of the truck.

“Goodbye, Joel,” you say, closing the door behind you. Tears are rolling down your face now as you walk to the front door, stopping to turn around and watch him pull into his driveway.

The drive to school the next day was dreadful. Realistically you should be excited about this; it’s all you ever wanted. But you’re missing Joel. You hadn’t exactly talked about what would happen with you two once you left.

The move in goes alright. Your parents stick around a bit too long, just wanting to make sure you’re going to be alright. Luckily, you have a single on the off chance Joel comes to see you. But that seems few and far between. You’re three hours away and he has Sarah at home. When is he ever gonna have the time to come see you?

Two weeks pass and you don’t hear from Joel. He knows how to reach you. He has your phone number and you have his. But you’re too nervous to call him first.

“I wanna make you drive all night

Just because I said, "Maybe you should come over"

Wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parent's teenage daughter

She'll be the best you ever had if you let her”

That is until one Friday night when you come back from a frat party drunk out of your mind. Your feelings get the best of you and you call Joel. His gruff voice answers with, “Sweets?”

“Joellll I miss youuuu,” you say, slurring your words.

“I miss you too, sweets. Are you alright?”

“I just came back from a party,” you whisper.

He chuckles, “I’m glad you’re having fun, sweets.”

“You should come over,” you whine.

“You serious?”

“Mhmmm.”

He sighs, feeling conflicted before answering, “Fine. I’ll leave in an hour. I just have to bring Sarah to Tommy’s.”

“Thank you, Joel. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me neither, sweets. See you soon,” he says before hanging up.

You fall into bed, sleeping the best you’ve slept in a while knowing that Joel will be there in the morning.

You awake to your phone ringing. You roll over and look at the contact and see that it’s Joel. You pick up and he says, “Alright sweets I’m here. What building?”

“Building 2A. I’ll meet you outside,” say before hanging up.

You rush to get changed and smooth down your hair. You leave your room to go meet him, anxious to see him again even though it’s only been two weeks. You leave the building and step out onto the quad and see him there standing in the middle of the grass, hands in his pockets. His face brightens as he sees you. You run over to him and wrap your arm around it. It all feels like a movie.

“You have no idea how much I missed you,” you say into his chest.

You feel his arms embrace you as he says, “Missed you too, sweets. You wanna let me inside your dorm? I feel like I’m getting weird looks.”

You pull away and look around to see handfuls of students sitting on picnic blankets in the grass. Some of them were looking at you two, some weren’t. Regardless they were all freshmen and sophomores judging by the looks of them. And they weren’t used to seeing a thirty year old man standing in the middle of the quad. You take his hand and lead him back to your building, signing him in before you take him to your room.

“Wow, no roommate, huh?” he says.

“Nope,” you say, giving him a smirk.

That was all he needed. His lips come crashing against yours and his large hands envelope your face. He pushes you back towards your bed across the room and you oblige, falling down on it so he can hover over you. He presses sloppy, wet kisses down your jaw and neck, nipping at the soft skin ever so slightly. He pulls off your sweatpants and trails his hand from your knee and up your thigh. You spread your legs open for him, wanting him inside you already. He stands for a moment to pull off his pants and shirt as you take in his naked body before removing your own shirt. He takes one look at you and says, “Already so wet for me, sweets,” as he rubs his fingers along your entrance. He collects some of your wetness on his hands and slathers his already hard cock before thrusting in slowly. Even though it’s only been two weeks since you last had him you had to get adjusted to his size for a moment, holding your breath as your walls expanded around him. You exhale and he thrusts in you harder, picking up your thighs with his hands and learning down, folding you in half. This angle is intense for you and you never last long with it. He slams his hips into you, filling the room with the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin and your own moans. You’re sure anyone on either side of you can hear right now but you’re too blissed out to care. He thrusts into you one last time and you come undone around him, your cunt fluttering on his cock. The sensation of your release makes him cum too and you’re filled with the familiar feeling of his cum shooting into you. He pulls out and lays down next to you on your shitty dorm room mattress, holding you as you close your eyes and melt into him.

“How was the drive?” you ask after a moment.

“Uh, not terrible,” he says.

“… Maybe we could do this more often?” you say, nervous to hear his response.

“Maybe, sweets,” he says, pressing a kiss to your temple, “But I can’t stay that long, baby. Tommy can’t watch Sarah that much longer.”

“Okay… How much longer do you have?”

“Probably another hour until I have to leave.”

You nod and lay back down against him, sadness washing over you again. You lay there together catching up until he has to go. You tell him how school is going and he tells you how home is. He checked on your parents after you left, making sure they weren’t too upset in your absence and you thank him for that. But the talking comes to an end as he gets to get dressed. Before he leaves you kiss him and say, “I love you, Joel,” not really expecting an answer back. Which you don’t get. He kisses you again and says “Bye, sweets.” You spend the rest of the day in bed, feeling emptier than ever.

And now you’ve sort of fallen into a routine with Joel where you call him to come over. And he does when he can. Normally you just have sex and lay in bed together. Occasionally you’ll go out for breakfast before he has to go back but that’s as far as dates go for you. He can never stay for more than a few hours with Sarah at home. You start to feel hopeless with the whole situation. You wanted more than this; you wanted a real relationship and he just can’t give it to you. He hasn’t said I love you back at this point either and you’re growing frustrated. You’re in college with a sea of available men and you’re pining for the thirty year old dad who’s three hours away. You decide that if the opportunity comes along for someone else, you’re not going to pass it up.

It’s November now, right before Thanksgiving break. You called Joel in your drunken stupor the night prior but he didn’t pick up. At this point you can’t take it anymore; you’re done with being strung along. You always thought to yourself if he’s driving three hours a couple times a week to come see me, he must love me right? But you never get any confirmation.

You’re pacing back and forth in the lobby of your building, your mind is going in a thousand different directions. You’ve barely been able to focus on school during all of this and the friends you’ve made so far have noticed a change in you. You’re spiraling, wondering why you even put yourself in this situation to begin with.

But you’re snapped from your thoughts when the cute guy from your philosophy class taps you on the shoulder. You turn to look at him. He seems nervous.

“Oh, hi,” you say, feeling shy. The only man you’ve really interacted with at this point has been Joel and you’re not used to talking to someone new.

“Hey, um I’m Sean. We’re in Philosophy 315 together.”

“Yes I remember you. How are you doing?”

“I'm good… I was just wondering… After the break did you want to go out sometime?”

Fuck it. Why not? You have someone here in front of you telling you directly that he wants to take you out.

“Sure,” you say, pulling out a piece of paper and writing your number on it, “Call me when break is over, okay?”

He takes the piece of paper from you and nods. But behind him you notice Joel who just witnessed everything. He doesn’t say anything, turning on his heel and leaving.

“Would you excuse me?” you say to Sean before running out of the building, not waiting for a response. You follow Joel all the way to his truck before he turns around and asks, “What the fuck was that?!”

“He asked me to go out. Big fucking deal.”

“And you said yes?!”

“Why not? I’m getting really sick and tired of this. You don’t get to continue fucking me after I tell you I love you when you don’t say it back. You don’t think I’m not going to try and move on?”

He sighs. He realizes he’s in the wrong. But instead of confirming his love for you he says, “Sweets, I don’t think this is working out for us anymore. You’re away at college like you’ve always wanted to be… and I think you deserve the full experience… with someone your own age.”

Tears spring to your eyes and he grabs your hands. Deep down you know he’s right. You know this is for the better.

“I know, Joel. I’ve been thinking about this too… it’s for the better.”

“It is, sweets,” he says, pulling you in for a hug and kissing your forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he continues, “It was wrong of me to string you along like this.

You nod against him, your tears staining his shirt. He caresses your face and gives you one last kiss.

“One for the road,” he murmurs against your ear.

He gets back in his truck and you walk back to the edge of the parking lot. You turn to watch him leave, tears rolling down your face. You watch him until he’s out of sight. You sigh and walk back to your building, feeling a weird mixture of sadness and relief. It was for the better.

“I never grew up with you

And you're not my waiting room”

End note: I hope you liked the lyric header with Phoebe's handwriting!!! Love my queen🖤 Let me know if this ripped out your heart like it did to mine 😍 xoxo

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