#other ppl and not just me and i just have to make sure that my future roommate/s are like.. not as bad as my 2 roommates i had on campus LOL
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All the below interactions are shamelessly accurate interpretations of the canon text, trust:
Neuvillette: I am impartial. I am professional. I am cool as a cucumber—oooh buy ten boxes get half off, I know exactly the person who can handle this much leaf juice and it’s not anyone in Fontaine except for him, even if other ppl do in fact, drink tea, none will inhale it as much as him
Wriothesley: *kirby imitation, INHALES, burps* Thanks Monsieur, I accept it on behalf of my entire prison bc I know you couldn’t have gotten it all just for me
Navia, on a therapy couch: She was my childhood friend and she killed my dad in an honor duel, and sure he asked for it but she could’ve just like, said no? Anyways my dad’s death was orchestrated so I can direct my anger elsewhere now, and we’re working on making amends over tea and scones. Oh. And she has a new lipstick. Did you know she has a new lipstick?
Sigewinne, with a clipboard and cat smug smile: Did she now?
Arlecchino: The world is ending and you’re eating CAKE?
Furina, sobbing: THIS IS HOW I SAVE THE WORLD LEAVE ME ALONE
Post flood Arle, in the tune of “Do you wanna build a snowman” as she knocks on the door: Do you want to have some cake?
Furina, hugging her 10000 bags of macaroni: THE WORLD IS ALREADY SAVED LEAVE ME ALONE
#Genshin impact#genshin#neuvillette#wriothesley#clorinde#navia#arlecchino#furina#Fontaine gays#wriolette#clorivia#what’s the ship name for toxic yuri#is it just toxic yuri#that’s so sad#I also see them as daddy and brat
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if you'd like to share your thoughts on gay trans man marcille i'd love to read them and/or see your art of him! (no pressure of course!)
oh man will I share my thoughts dfjkh I was maybe going to eventually make a post to ramble about it but this gives me the perfect excuse to now :J
This ranting WILL have spoilers for anime only fans/ppl who haven't finished the manga!
Marcille is interesting to read as a gay trans man though. Because how I see it, during the events of the manga he would not know he's trans! Or at most, he would maybe have some Gender Feelings but he wouldn't really understand it yet.
To me, Marcille is the type who would at first do everything in his power to deny it/convince himself he isn't trans. I think he would have a fair bit of internalized transphobia just as a result of his fairly rigid way of going about things. He has specific standards for himself especially but also for others.
This is where my gay trans man headcanon for Falin comes in lol.
Not for romance reasons specifically, but because I think the way Marcille treats Falin when looked at through the lens of Marcille being a trans egg is especially interesting.
For my Falin headcanon, I see Falin as a gay trans man as well, but I think that he wouldn't be out to Marcille until after the events of the manga. This is very integral to how I view Marcille's gender discovery happening.
I think that during the time they're in school together, Marcille would have feelings for Falin that are confusing. In Marcille's mind they're both girls, so he must just be a girl into girls, right? Meanwhile Falin performs girl wrong and this challenges Marcille's worldview. Marcille cares for Falin, and this manifests as Marcille trying to 'help' Falin perform girl better. Basically, Marcille doubling down on his currently held beliefs of what gender is and how it functions instead of considering that it may not be that simple, and he and/or Falin may not be a girl. Falin I think would not bring up being trans for a few reasons but primarily that boy is just not big on conflict with people especially those he cares for.
But anyways. A perfect example of Marcille forcing his idea of correct gender performance being in a daydream hour page where Falin is drawn with short hair, and Marcille is visibly pretty upset by it. (I don't have the translated image but here it is)
I know that it seems like a small thing that doesn't hold much weight, and it's not technically canon but trans mens hair is often something that people feel that they need to control. A girl cutting her hair short is seen as this horrible, unacceptable thing. Now again, obviously Falin doesn't canonically cut his hair short, but the fact that Marcille would be upset and specifically wants it long again informs us about his view of these things. I think that hair being useful for magic would end up being a justification for both being upset by the concept of Falin with short hair, and a justification to himself on why he is not allowed to experiment with shorter hair. It's more practical for his line of work/study, so it's a perfect excuse to just never think about if he TRULY loves it long or if he is just doubling down on performing what's expected of him.
Marcille is a KING of appearing way more uptight than he is. He's very by the books, very strict seeming about doing magic right, but he also specifically primarily has interest in the most taboo magic. He's the loudest about complaining about eating monsters, but he's also the first one to outright say that if they have to eat demihumans then so be it. Marcille is full of contradicting feelings and actions and I think he's prone to trying to fit into what people expect but his heart isn't fully in it so he still ends up doing the unexpected as well.
Even after the manga, Marcille has lost his desire to take care of his hair but he honestly doesn't seem... that upset by it? He is upset, sure, but for something that appeared to be a pretty big thing for him he accepts it shockingly smoothly. Almost as if perhaps, it's a relief to have an excuse to try something different. To try shorter hair maybe? Because now he has an excuse other than doing gender 'wrong'. It would feel safer to explore.
Aand I have a TON of other thoughts but this is getting pretty long and I'm losing track of my thoughts SO I'm going to drop a small list of some other random half formed thoughts I think about in relation to Marcille being a gay trans man
marcille being half elf half tallman and the parallel between that and being trans and how when you're trans you're alienated and isolated. in society's eyes youre not fully a man, not fully a woman, you're both and neither and othered in a complicated way
everyone assuming marcilles wish is to become 'full elf' also is interesting to compare to the experience of people viewing being trans as 'wishing you were X gender' in a very binary way
marcille asking if his dad is pregnant in a flashback just feels like something a trans egg kid would say
marcilles overall attachment to his father tbh.
marcille being super into romance novels and specifically his succubus presenting as a pretty boy from his novels. Obviously this can be read romantic or whatever but I know personally a lot of characters I was obsessed with as a child that I thought was romantic attraction turned out to be a combination of attraction and wanting their gender expression. I think it's interesting to read into marcille's interest in romance novels as him finding a 'safe' way to explore his attraction to men and desire to be a man without actually acknowledging that directly. (a lot of irl gay trans men do similar before they realize theyre gay trans men!)
Aaand that's my thoughts for now lmao. Here's some pen doodles I did while figuring out how I wanted to draw post-canon marcille :> Still working on figuring him out but I like how these look! I like the idea of him having some facial hair (not very long as elves seem to not be able to grow much body hair) and probably cutting his hair so it's more shoulder length and a bit easier to manage!
#rot posts#ask#dunmeshi spoilers#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#marcille donato#tagging mostly for organizing/being able to come back to this but also. look at my trans headcanons#rots art#long post
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Can you do some more comics with Francis mosses
I can, but the problem is
That I’m pretty much out of ideas and I’m progressively getting tired of tnmn fandom
Ppl who look at my tags probably noticed that 😓
More of my thoughts under read more for curious ppl
(short answer maybe I will do more, but I desperately need a break from tnmn)
! Just a general warning: this came out kinda long + sort of venty
Originally I planned to do 1 comic drop and move on, but got stuck bc ppl liked tnmn comics and kept asking for more (and still do-)
Generally I don’t mind doing more if the ideas are there, but I want to address this: I’m tired
I know blowing up is usually a good thing and I appreciate people enjoying my stuff
But it’s exhausting to see that tnmn is the only type of content which is relevant, to the point that my own projects or stuff I enjoy are just kinda.. ignored
It’s fair – again my blog is heavily fandom based
(+Tsp were and still is kinda the focus)
But with tnmn fandom it’s a bit… different
Maybe I’m biased and it’s just my negative experience with tiktok comments
Remember this art?
cleaning up transphobic comments was.. um tough
Again, I get that you can’t be in that neat bubble completely sheltered from negativity
Humans are just assholes by nature really/j
So I was expecting the backlash, but not that much
I think maybe tsp fandom spoiled me a bit (in a good way), bc I got a feeling that everyone in tsp was positive of any lgbt+ headcanons and just generally more supportive
(don’t get me wrong, there ARE problems in tsp community too, taking narrators design controversy into account as one of the examples)
Obviously every fandom always has it’s own issues, show me at least one fandom that didn’t have some sort of meaningless controversy or some sort of problematic people in it
It happens
But it leaves a bad taste in your mouth sometimes
And for me personally it only added to not so pleasant experience
The thing I also noticed, when I interacted with other fandoms
Ppl wrote positive stuff first and foremost, not really asking for anything
Here it’s just “hey more. I want more. Do more. Do this character. Do this. Do more.”
The only reason I kept doing more, because likes, reblogs, views – these comics get a ton of attention
there is a audience to please alright
But this thing comes with a pressure tho
and it shows
so let me illustrate
This bookcase
Is my shame
Because I was so rushing, I just copied and colour corrected this bookcase from my diploma comic and pasted it here in hopes for the best
💥IT LOOKS HORRIBLE OKAY💥
Usually it’s normal to take materials used in other projects
the not so normal part is
to leave it like that because your stress reducing tea doesn’t work and you don’t really have time to redraw it
my m en ta l s t a t e i s f i n e ah ah h ah ah
Ok but jokes aside: it’s really tempting, to just abandon everything and produce content like some sort of content farm
But I don’t want to, I’m forcing myself and it makes my art worse
Yes it’s subtle, new people won’t even see this
But I’m not improving
And I don’t enjoy just anxiously popping out comics because everyone keeps asking
I can give it my all to something when I’m passionate, but just “hey I’m getting attention” is not the best motivator
Attention like that does get to my head, I know that I will probably give in again and do more, bc I will compare my posts engagement
But what’s the point of recognition, when you feel.. so numb about it…
Sorry for a mountain of text and thank you for ppl who actually took their time to read it
It’s been building up for a while and I feel like people need to know the reason why I’m not so enthusiastic about making “more”
I’m not necessarily completely abandoning this fandom
I still plan to do ask/suggestions event for STP (I’m just making sure I can dedicate my time to it, that’s why it’s taking so long) and I can add tnmn to the mix
Like STP+tnmn kind of deal
But for now – I need a break
At least for a little bit
#bear answers#vent post#nothing serious just a bunch not so positive thoughts#tnmn#that’s not my neighbor#tnmn fandom#thoughts#fandom thoughts#apologies for possible mistakes/typos
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of all the star wars movies, which of them do y'all 1) enjoy the most 2) consider the best quality and 3) think you've rewatched the most. add your answers in the reblogs or replies, i'm genuinely curious how much of an overlap there is within everyone's three answers. mine don't overlap at all! they're revenge of the sith, empire strikes back, and the force awakens :^)
#len speaks#star wars#revenge of the sith#empire strikes back#the force awakens#not tagging more films than that bc i cant b bothered. incoming tag ramble ahead bc i have sw brainrot rn and im making it everyones prob❤️#i rlly struggled 2 remember if id watched tfa or aotc more. i went w/ tfa bc it was formative to me as a teen and ive seen it probably 6ish#times? whereas aotc was the first sw movie i remember (specifically the scene of obiwan serving c*nt in the bar lmao) but i've only seen it#for sure 4.5 and maybe 5.5 times. the .5 is from when i got bored after obi-wan's scene ended and ran off to go play in the mud or smthn 😭#i'm sure tfa will eventually get surpassed in number of rewatches by aotc and rots bc i don't fw the direction of the ST but that's my#current ballpark estimate of my total number of rewatches#as an adult tho if i just wanna watch a star war i'll go with aotc bc it's fun and ends semihappily and i can turn my brain off for the#spinny lightsabers. it's great background noise or for if you're sick or whatever. rots on the other hand? i won't talk through that unless#i'm quoting it with my brother and i am LOCKED IN 100% entirely entranced by it all#i almost picked rogue one for the best quality answer but i think the character writing is weaker and the facial cgi is creepy. esb beats#it by a hair imho bc of that. the vader hallway scene goes hard tho!!!#also i'm not covering shows or games or books or anything else in this post - simply the films. might ask abt shows later but that might#also give me hives bc so many of the shows suck ass and i don't rlly want ppl extolling the virtues of t.bb in my notes 💀#and yes i do think one's enjoyment and one's opinion of quality are two things that often overlap. but sometimes you just like something#bad and that's awesome. like rots is the best of the prequels by a large margin and i adore the opening and characters and many of the#scenes but that doesn't mean it's the best star wars has to offer ykwim? it's my specialest most favoritest sw movie but that doesn't blind#me to the dialogue lmfaooo
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i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc
#what am i trying to say here?#idk! think about all of the pieces you have#dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways#and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff#when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for#and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death#and what ‘dying’ really means#being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this#much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is#to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like?????#akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant#he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him#but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou#he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her??#all such interesting interpretations#i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful#like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him#if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again#like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is#it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’#sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes#it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING#like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!!#compel me even#anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway#dais.txt
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i’ve just finished season one of TMA, and being someone who’s okay with spoilers is fun because it means i can peruse the wiki and scroll through the tag and i get to become privy to all sorts of weird, wonderful, halfway-out-of-context information that i get to look forward to understanding in the future
like. what do you mean Leitner’s in the tunnels?
what do you mean Jon eats the extinguished sun??
what do you mean it’s spelled Gerard Keay???
#Jon‚ narrating a statement: '…whose passport had identified him as Gerard Keay.'#Me‚ an American‚ not yet in the habit of following along with the transcripts: 'Ah‚ yes. Jared Key.'#tma spoilers#the magnus archives#gerry keay#gerard keay#tma#i’m sorry but Why do british ppl apparently pronounce Gerard like that how do y’all audibly tell Gerard and Jared apart#anyways based on how i’ve glossed over the other two arguably much more shocking revelations i mentioned#i’m sure you can tell that i’ve latched onto Gerry and everything else is just background noise to me#okay that’s an exaggeration. i Do love the entire show and am invested in the entire cast to varying degrees but.#Gerry… my beloved… his role in Ep. 12 hooked me instantly#it’s bad‚ guys. ive already started making him a playlist. it’s safe to say there’s no hope for me. the fixation train has left the station#Gerry (and Michael) have moved in and will live rent free in my brain indefinitely#listen. you can’t just present to me a cryptic goth man with long poorly dyed black hair and mommy issues who’s covered in eye tattoos-#-and is frequently affiliated with the supernatural and then expect me to Not fall in love with him!!!#*looks at DoorKeay* …and i am also not immune to the opposites attract & human x supernatural entity tropes…#tbh looking at all this DoorKeay fan art has me suddenly remembering my EraserMic days#which is a wild thing to say i know but listen. it’s just the whole long-black-hair x long-blonde-hair similarity#and maybe a bit of the opposite personalities. idk why but i was just admiring one particular DoorKeay fanart and it suddenly hit me#i literally whispered to myself out loud ‘holy shit it’s EraserMic again…’ and it's not Really but also it kinda is and i think it's funny#but then i did More thinking and i think it goes beyond just them. i think i rlly just have a thing for Dark & Light coded character ships#Michael & Gerry… Navia & Chlorinde... Sun & Moon… Mic & Aizawa…#i think i’m learning smthn abt myself now i’ve gotta think if there’s more examples…#i'd almost say Alphonse and Seth but eeehhh not quite. and honestly i think the bigger-brain way to see their relationship through the-#-Dark x Light trope would be to take into account the resurgence of DM!Al and that kinds flips the dynamic#i think that if either of them are Moon-coded it'd be DM!Al. but they honestly just don't quite fit in that trope's box anyways#they're Pink/Black x Brown coded. not Yellow x Black#i do gotta say that i've pulled an Interesting number of songs off Seth's playlist while working on Gerry's... it's the mommy issues innit#i'd almost say PB x Marcy but once again we've got a character that's pink-coded‚ not yellow. i think they fall into a different category
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lesbians dont marry or fuck men thats like the whole point of lesbianism lmao
yes yes i agree i don’t think i said otherwise
#i was just thinking like i’m general if i spent the rest of my life with a man i’d feel unfulfilled whereas if i ended up marrying a woman#i don’t think i’d have that feeling of ‘something’s missing’#i was wondering if other bisexual ppl felt that way and wanted to know how lesbians came to the conclusion of being a lesbian#the asks i’ve been getting kinda make it seem like if you’re not a gold star lesbian then you’re not a Real Lesbian#which like i understand if someone’s dating men and women like you’re obviously not a lesbian#but for me i still call myself bi i was just wondering if i don’t want to be with men or date men and im sure i only want to be with women#and ever since i realized that I haven’t been with men… and don’t want to be ever again…#like would that still make me bi?#idk i feel like y’all are gonna cancel me for questioning my sexuality 😭 i’m not saying i’m lesbian but like where Am I in the spectrum ???#i’m just trying to figure out if my ‘attraction’ to men is genuine attraction or just like… societal pressure to be with a man#or daddy issues cuz all the men i’ve been with are always like older my last boyfriend was 10 years older than me and Idk#or if my repulsion is actually repulsion bc i don’t Like them or trauma??#im sorry if i offended anyone i’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s sexuality just trying to figure mine out 🥲#inbox
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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One thing I love about the episode "Tonsil Trouble" is that it showcases just how nonchalantly Cartman can mess with Kyle. Their entire trip, everything he does and says is so purposefully done to so he can watch Kyle malding. ESPECIALLY so in the "I'm not sure I'm HIV positive" scene.
Kyle is SO that one kid that is smart enough to know that someone is purposefully saying something to mess with him and get a reaction out of him, but dumb enough to continue arguing and getting pointlessly upset despite that.
When Cartman is going on his spiel about HIV in front of the airport guy, which he words in a way he knows will annoy Kyle.
Kyle just can't let shit go. He has to make sure this random ass guy knows that it's Cartman's fault, because that's just so in character of him. And by doing so he ends up saying something even more embarrassing for himself which in turn ends with him malding even more. And Cartman is just quietly watching.
In the other scene, Cartman doesn't even need to say anything, the announcer is saying it all for him, and Kyle will have the exact same reaction.
And what's funnier is that this litteraly continues into adulthood, with literally the exact same joke. Cartman purposely doing shit that he knows will annoy Kyle, Kyle malding, telling whoever is in the room something completely out of pocket because he is the only one that doesn't realize how it sounds because he needs everyone to know that Cartman is the asshole, and then he ends up making an ass out of only himself. (Litteraly word for word what happens in Post Covid)
And at Magic Johnson's house, even when Kyle starts yelling, Cartman keeps acting like he doesn't understand why Kyle is upset, while continuing to do the thing that is making Kyle upset. Because he knows that him acting innocent will piss Kyle off more than anything. And he is counting on the fact that Kyle is going to keep arguing, cuz like I said Kyle can't let shit go.
Like Cartman says in Imagination Land, "God damn it Kyle you've never walked away from anything in your life".
Both of them are relentless in their own way. And that makes their dynamic hilarious.
#i just know cartman was heaving the time of his life watching kyle boiling like a kettle#i know i would#i hope kyle never learns to think before he speaks#because it makes for great comedy#eric cartman#kyle broflovski#kyman#ish#ppl have already made these conclusions im sure but i just wanted to write my thoughts after watching the episode#this also goes for the ep major boobage#when kyle asked if he saw a resemblance between what he said and some other historical event#you can't convince me cartman wasn't fucking with him with that#i don't know what you are talking about 🤷♂️ ahh response
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I'll be honest, I think it's boring when people get upset with others for not believing in the exact manga canon of naruto. Just watching the anime is fine, who cares? The Canon of naruto is so fucked up and flawed morally and functionally that think you should be able to warp it however you want with non-canonical bullshit. Or don't. Again, who cares? Whatever makes it more interesting for you imo
#if i wanna make konoha more evil. ill make konoha more evil. was sasuke imprisoned post war? sure. thats more fun for me#was kakashi 4 years younger than obito and rin? yes. its more fun for me#was iruka 16 at the time when he became narutos sensei? yes. its more fun for me#i cant think of the ones people complain abt most uhhh. anyone being nice to naruto as a kid retrospectively? rejected by me#they were all dicks to him. itachi having a girlfriend or something? rejected by me but like sure whatever i dont care#like ur experience of naruto doesnt effect my experience of naruto. ya kno#? so i dont get y ppl get so annoyed with ppl for not following the specific canon#its all silly bullshit. so like whatever. ya kno? and i mean its fine if you want to only rely on the manga canon as well#its also interesting to only look at the canon in all its flaws but like dont look down on others for not following the same path?#naruto ramblings#idk this is just what comes to mind when i see post complaining abt ppl not following canon#who care. i will do whatever i like lol
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🌧️🫧💭
#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me#which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad#nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone#i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me#ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao#also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way#me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me#i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me#it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave#nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop#whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive#ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like#all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think#i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself#but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T#idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do#anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul#but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao#i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down#they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how#to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year#i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak#es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that#maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this
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I honestly just don’t get how people default to thinking southern accents are like unserious and unintelligent, I know I live in a bubble and I’ve never been outside of the south so like my world view is skewed but like idk I can’t like conceptualize hearing someone’s accent and going “your accent is too stupid and silly for you to have a brain” like ???
#deity dialogue#sorry I’m rlly half asleep#obvs my worldview is different cause I’m southern I’m surrounded by southern ppl I hear the accent all the time#so it’s like normal obvs but idk it still baffles me#idk if I ever go north are y’all gonna be mean to me cause I talk in a way that y’all perceive as stupid and lesser than how you do??#I’ve already mentioned that even here we aren’t safe from the ‘haha youre a dumbass southern hick’ statements#which is rich cause like bitch who are you to be talking you live here too I don’t wanna hear you call me a red neck cause you’ve been here#for a long ass time to and I’m sure if you went up north they’d be on your ass the same way they’d be on mine#like what gives you the right?#like I will say also that I do make fun of the accent but in the way that lexi and I will be heatedly talking and get more southern with#each word and that amuses and delights us like idk it’s fun to look at someone who just said one word in a more extreme southern accent on#accident and repeat it back to them#but like at the end of the day we like being southern we don’t think there’s anything wrong with it or like inherently worth mocking#plus there’s a difference between two friends being silly and strangers telling you you’re a stupid redneck hick :)#this is also coming from someone who compared to other southern ppl doesn’t have the most strong southern accent (it’s there onvs but ya#know) and I still have to deal with this shit :/#sorry I need to go to bed and shut up no one caressss
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not to be one of those "google is free" bitches (bc in some instances they do more harm than good) but i did just search "nct l*cas allegations" (w/o the censor) and found several articles, a reddit masterthread, and some twitter threads recapping the situation (with varying degrees of reliability, proof, bias, etc.) in about ten seconds of scrolling, about the same amount of time that it takes to send me a message. so please! do that instead! i do not want to waste any more of my time/energy thinking abt that man, nor do i want anybody to form their thoughts or opinions solely on information they get from me! that's way too much pressure and responsibility to put on me.
#like ive generally kept my mouth shut abt him during his redebut bc i genuinely do not deem him worthy of wasting the mental energy on#my only posts have been abt blocking ppl who support him#and listen. no hate to the ppl asking me what he did. i think ur coming from a fine place and i understand that i brought him up first.#i always google it myself first before i tell someone google is free. just to make sure its that easy.#this time i give it a 3/10 difficulty. out of thr first 5 results maybe 1 or 2 were supportive and/or lukewarm#the others.....not so much#i believe in you. genuinely. lets bring back critical thinking. you and me. lets bring back not being spoonfed our opinions by the algorithm#talk#text#mine
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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y'all are gonna hate me for this one but i think it's worth nothing that eleven levels up and develops more as a person whenever she breaks up with mike, and how the vines were tightening around her as he was giving his speech and roping them back into a romantic relationship/context (not his fault btw no mike slander here + it's complicated), but when she's reviving max the source that she pulls her power, focus, and resolve from are memories where max is reminding her to be her OWN person, that she doesn't need anyone else, and she is more than enough as she is with "not hopper. not mike. you." and "there's more to life than stupid boys."
she performs a miracle by believing in herself and the one and first ever person that ever taught her to do so. the girl who viewed her not as a superhero that happens to be a girl, but a girl that happens to be a superhero, too. the girl who encouraged her to grow and change and put herself first. that's who and what give her the courage to fight on.
like literally how much more clear do they need to make it that her romantic relationship with him is holding her back? just look at seasons three and four as well as how the flashback they used for mike's speech was of her in the woods which is undoubtedly a nod to the fact that he doesn't see her as she is now and is stuck in the past while she desperately wants to move forward.
i just. !!!!! i'm sorry but Be Serious Please we can admit this and be real about it. it's okay. it does not make either of them a terrible awful character okay We Can Say It! It's Okay! and i focused on el's perspective here, but the show makes it exceedingly clear that they are not compatible in this way at all and that this relationship is something that makes them both feel worse about themselves in serious ways. they don't have a strong foundation between them to fall back on and they won't be able to move forward and fix things between them until they forge one. everything is shit because at the end of the day they don't feel secure or comfortable with each other in a way that actually matters.
#they jumped into being bf and gf without ever becoming friends first and it shows and we can and should say tht :/#platonic besties e|mike ok sure but maybe once they learn how to be friends first? 🤨#maybe once they learn how to not idealize n lie to each other and feel safe with each other and learn how to actually talk?#they have cute moments when it's lighthearted n carefree but when shit gets real or hard it all just hits the fan#like. they have Issues ok these are not little tiny issues not when it affects their self worth and self image THAT fucking bad lmao#mike literally feels worthless pretty much like he's just some loser with no redeeming qualities that someone wouldn't like unless they#needed him somehow for something and eleven didn't even know what it meant to LIKE things and have your own tastes and felt#like she didn't know who she was and felt like she was a monster and completely other because of this box that they'd put her in and#then chastise her for whenever she dared to be a human being and step outside of it or do something they didn't like#i just. i like eleven and michael so much that's why it bothers me whn ppl act like those issues are not serious. they are.#they're not real people they're characters but it's like . they are my blorbos and that makes all the difference. u kno? :/#mine#mike#eleven
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#been sitting here for 1.5 hours now trying to decide if i should go see my friend as promised#or not. basically i texted earlier like heyy sorry can we do tomorrow im all over the place (mentally extra unstable*) i don't wanna#make you deal with that#but she said she might not be able to do tomorrow and she's told me she hates when ppl cancel bc so many ppl have been#cancelling on her and yk. feels bad. so i really should go but im also just. ???#idk what it was but today is just so not it ive been crying a bunch and barely working and i v much needed#my noise cancelling headphones on the train and then i just kept them on for 1#and then i just kept them on when i got home and ive just been on my bed scrolling and trying to decide dhsjsjdjd#yes i was supposed to work 8 hours today 💀💀💀#so that's the other part like if i go see my friend i know tomorrow will probably be rougher and i also need to work then yk#ugh anyways i should go we can just chill im sure#* headphone context for myself bc im just like 🤨🤨 am i just kinda sad and tired today or do i really need to rest#anyways. Thoughts? dhsjjdjdjd#other context is that my friend rly isn't doing good at all and i haven't seen her in a week and it's been#even longer since we could talk 1 on 1#like 2 weeks rip#maybe i just need food tbh ive mostly had sugary stuff today rip
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