going insane thinking about skk breakup dazai leaving the port mafia again because. he really just up and left without saying anything. not a word, not a goodbye, not a “chuuya would you like to come with me.” and he never said anything after. didn’t try to get in contact at all. no texts, no calls, no letters, no cryptic messages decipherable only to the both of them.

imagine being partners with someone. imagine forging a bond so strong that it’s been likened to a diamond sharpening another diamond. imagine spending three years with someone, forging a relationship, learning about each other and what makes them click and how to work together and how exist together.

imagine they throw it all in your face. they leave and not only do they leave, but they do so in a manner which shows that they never even considered you. they left as if your lives aren’t connected, they left as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

imagine everyone else finding out before you.

what was the past three years for then. what was them telling you that you gave them a reason to live for then. has it expired? has it run out? was it not enough? did they find something better?

and the lack of respect of it all. you never would have stopped them from leaving if they just explained why they had to. you would have been angry, you would have been pissed off because it’s the same story over and over again, you hurt everything you touch, you hurt everything you get close to, you’re never enough of a reason for someone to stay; but you would have understood. eventually. but they didn’t do that.

they wrote you so neatly out of their life that you wonder if you were ever a part of it in the first place.

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you

From here on out when making posts about transformers stuff I love I’m not gonna put in a footnote every time about how much other bad stuff there also is in the franchise/fandom. Cause trying to keep posts well rounded and faithful to the entire tf fandom as a whole every single time is so exhausting and also the tf fandom sucks? Additionally it’s too large. Lastly they are nothing to me. They are nothing. Why am I thinking abt the bad parts of fandom all the time when the original goal was to gush about something I really like.

Anyways I love optimus prime he has so much love in his heart

and also autism

hit post

every day is just. i open tumblr.app. i see the worst most oversimplified sandpapered nuance-less dc comics take imaginable. i spend several minutes staring at it debating whether it's worth arguing over (it never is). i sigh, shake my head in resignation and close tumblr.app

Man,

Wrentail's character is just something I love, he is horrible in a very mundane, unfeeling, callous way.

He looks at Mudpaw, a cat that is only still alive because Wrentail decided to save him as a kit, and is just like "kid's a pussy (pun intended), let me toughen him up." and puts him through horrible training without feeling anything. Yet at the same time it doesn't seem like Wrentail is out to make Mudpaw's life horrible or is targeting him, it's just that this is the only teaching method he knows. He is callous and doesn't seem to know or care about how this is affecting Mudpaw.

At the same time, when push comes to shove, he clearly has a basic sense of right and wrong. Not letting a kit die isn't exactly a exceptional test of morality, but it shows that Wrentail knows doing so would be wrong, same with saving Mudpaw from falling. He does both without hesitation or ulterior motive. Wrentail isn't evil or deranged, but he can ignore his own conscience when it suits him.

Also, love his design, the contrast between his colorful pelt and permanent grumpiness speaks to me. WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST MAKE HIM A BROWN TABBY LIKE EVERY OTHER BAD CAT IN WARRIORS!!! Now I'm invested :(

YES THIS. He is a very mundane evil. Not mundane in that his abuse was unremarkable, not at all, but mundane in a way that is just... the way some people are. I've said it before on this blog, but I try to portray Wrentail in a realistic way. I don't want him to be cartoonishly evil, because real people aren't like that. Real people have multiple sides to them, and they can be terrible and abusive while also doing good deeds in other areas. This most certainly doesn't absolve them of the terrible things they've done, but it can muddy the water if you're only looking for someone who is pure evil. That's why I portray Wrentail doing good things as well; real abusers hardly ever seem like abusers from the outside.

tbh I've gotten a few comments on the youtube videos that have mistaken these good deeds as a form of redemption for wrentail. This is absolutely not the case. Wrentail's good deeds do not cancel out his bad ones. Him saving Mudpaw at the falls? Sure, Mudpaw instigated the fight but wrentail is the adult here; as a fully grown warrior, he should be fully capable of handling an out of control apprentice. Real teachers have to handle situations with students who are being violent, and they absolutely are not allowed to allow students to harm others or themselves (source: several college classes on classroom management and personal experience in classrooms). It was the bare minimum that he pull mudpaw up from the falls. And he did! He did it without hesitation! But that hardly means he's a shining beacon of moral good. Saving Mudpaw as a kitten? Literally it would have been illegal if he didn't. Once again, he shows a bit of emotion in the situation, he's swayed by a tiny kitten being in need, but it's still the bare minimum of what he should do for that kit.

Doing these things was good, to be sure. He's saved mudpaw's life twice. But it is absolutely not a reflection of him "secretly being a good person" or whatever. anyway I know those sorts of comments are likely made by people who don't have as much life experience or are just on the younger side, but it's kinda disheartening to see people misinterpreting those actions as me saying "oh actually he was secretly a good guy!" when that couldn't be further from the truth of what I'm trying to say. Black and white morality doesn't work here, good actions do not always equal good person.

And just because he's chosen to be harmful and abusive to Mudpaw, doesn't mean he's pure, abject evil. Wrentail wouldn't go out of his way to hurt Mudpaw if he weren't his mentor. It just so happens that he was put into that position of authority over this specific cat he had something against, and because he could hurt mudpaw, he did. He had the opportunity, and he took it. He could have just as easily asked for Larkstar to assign Mudpaw to another warrior, but he didn't, because it gave him the excuse and the room to hurt someone he thought deserved it.

Man, I really love the concept behind the designs I made for Wrentail and Mudpaw specifically. Wrentail isn't supposed to look evil, that's the point! He blends in with normal clan society. I specifically altered their designs after a while, making Wrentail softer and more rounded and Mudpaw angular and sharp-edged, to reflect the other characters' impressions of them. It is really funny though how many evil wc characters are big dark brown tabbies HAHA

"I recognize in thieves, traitors and murderers, in the ruthless and the cunning, a deep beauty - a sunken beauty."

Jean Genet

thinking about how raph, april, and mikey are less focused on by the fandom than donnie and leo, the only two main characters in rottmnt with white voice actors

i’m sure someone’s already talked about this but i’m tipsy and rewatching the first episode of hotd and i don’t wanna say i liked it, cuz i didn’t like anything about that scene, but i did appreciate that aemma defies the tropes we see a lot of the time in media when women have difficult pregnancies and deliveries where it’s always “save my baby over me” that without fail happens every single time. but instead, aemma is very very clear on the fact that she’d really rather not be in the position she’s in right now, and when the men around her make the unilateral choice to perform a caesarean to save the baby at the expense of her life, she doesn’t do the Fictional Lady thing of lying back and saying she agrees, she’s fucking horrified and fights against it after having spent the majority of her screentime reaffirming her autonomy as a person, as more than a human incubator. and never submits to it. she doesn’t just accept the idea that her life has ceased to have value and that she should accept dying (in a brutal and horrible way), she very clearly wants to live and that choice is being actively taken away from her. 

this is something ive noticed recently especially during the summertime when im spending a lot more money on my friends and on food and stuff, but there is something to be said about yt people and the culture of like. paying someone back? idk what the exact words for it are and there are definitely a lot of smarter ways to say this but for example: i was out with my friends yesterday and one of them couldn't decide on whether she wanted to buy a poster or not. the poster itself was 2 or 3 dollars. i said buy it, try it out, if u don't like then ill take it! and i meant it as a joke but she immediately looked at me and went "oh well will you pay me for it?" and i didn't exactly know what to say. however like an hour before that my other friends card got declined and i paid for her food and i didn't really think about her needing to pay me back until she brought it up a little while later. even throughout the year ill be around white people and they are constantly talking about how much money someone owes them or not offering to pay for anything unless they're sure that person can pay them back and i can't help but think about how everytime we go out to eat with family friends my parents are always arguing on who's paying the bill, how so many of my non yt friends will pay for someone's food or drink or article of clothing that they really want but don't have the funds for in that second. and it's just like. it's interesting to me

like ok there are so many! so many things that would make literally such a big difference. some easier than others. note this is us based bc thats where i live and what i know. gonna be stream of consciousness ideas.

abolish homework. defund and then abolish police. later start times for high school and jr highs, can do earlier start time for elementary. make things more walkable, drastically reduce scale of suburbs. reduce car dependency. increase public transportation and bicycle infrastructure. increase accessible car transportation access and reliability for disabled people. get rid of electoral college. institute ranked voting. making voting day a holiday where NO ONE works not anyone except TRULY essential things. institute all mail-in voting. ban gerrymandering. decrim drugs. decrim sex work. 6-month minimum parental leave but preferably up to like 2 years. abolish health insurance - move to a healthcare for all, state funded public healthcare system where it is free there is no payment for care. remove gender markers from all drivers licenses and passports and IDs etc. institute rent control. reparations for descendants of enslaved people. enforce separation of church and state. mandatory green space and trees in cities for temperature regulation and air quality. abolish prisons. be intentional about prioritizing funding, resources, and workers for what really matters instead of relying on the supposedly free market and just hoping things work out (healthcare, education, childcare, sanitation, energy, farming and food systems, transportation. stuff like that). drastically reduce maximum work hours and days per week. if wages exist, annually increase minimum wage. wealth cap and tax wealthy. tax corporations. reduce use of fossil fuels to as close to zero as possible. free college. public funding for the arts. research trans healthcare and medicine. recognize that the DSM is socially constructed. should be obvious but, reproductive healthcare and reproductive justice. abolish legal marriage as it should only be a social and religious status. address rules around housing standards and building codes to allow middle housing (duplexes, triplexes, quadplexes and such), to require buildings that naturally stay cool in hot weather and warm in cool weather, for multigenerational housing and other people groupings other beyond the nuclear family. give people free housing who want it - private rooms with locks with showers and/or tubs and kitchens and beds and laundry service and cleaning service if you want and disability accommodations and care workers and a free community dining room and a pharmacy in walking distance and free wifi etc. support union taxis. not sure exactly what to do to fix it but, address the speed and urgency in the shipping industry to allow for slower delivery and shipment time. addressing truck driving work hours and wages to allow shorter shifts and less sleep deprivation. ban work to pay off debts to employer schemes, where employees are indebted to their employer. fund all public schools equally, not based on property taxes. fix the class separation of employees vs contractors and subcontractors. decriminalize houselessness. create and enforce protections for all LGBTQ+ people, everywhere. remove or at minimum, greatly increase income and wealth caps for disability classification, care, and benefits. recognize all peoples’ value regardless of work and productivity. create regulations for crypto mining energy usage. make internet and cell service a public utility. allow for the right to repair technology products. bring back regulations removed by trump. recognize white supremacy and white nationalism as hate groups. require licensing and classes for gun purchases and ownership. make some kind of regulations around lean staffing and understaffing. regulations to reduce micro plastics. create a modern version of the ccc (which i’m sure had some big problems that we don’t get told about) to improve, repair, and build new infrastructure and maintain things. create teams? division? to investigate and enforce labor violations and exploitation and corporate crime. disallow multilevel marketing schemes. create more parks and play areas.

forgive all student debt. recognize indigenous / native american tribes. reparations to tribes in money and land. create free community food halls in every community and neighborhood. divert funds from police and military and defense and arms. abolish credit scores. 

.

what fucking makes me want o rip my hair out when it comes to the security guy at work is that i'll even try to COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!!!!! (i know for people like us communication can be difficult & we often need specific clear wording and even then we have layers to peel back) When i cant tell if he's being sarcastic, i'll ask him genuinely, because as ive told him multiple times before the way he says things it literally cannot be interpreted as a joke (even neurotypicals at work have agreed with me in front of him) and always seems like he's being serious. i tell him this all the time and he acts like its fucking funny that im genuinely mad about the fact that he wont communicate back with me. Verbatim i have told him on multiple occasions "i genuinely cant tell when youre being sarcastic or making a joke because your tone is so flat and your face is so serious and deadpan and usually people will laugh or crack a smile a few seconds after the joke but you just stand there not expressing anything, even after i ask if its a joke because i genuinely cant tell"

YET HE CONTINUES TO FUCKING DO IT and then has the fucking GALL to laugh at me or call me gullible or naive when IM LITERALLY TRYING TO COMMUNICATE!!! bitch how tf am i supposed to know whats a joke and whats real when you act like im asking a fucking statue every time you say a lie or joke

-smashes head through a wall- do you think hive insects still retain a sense of individuality

obviously not in the same way we do but i have a memory from before i had a sense of self, yes it’s as weird to recall as you imagine, and even before i actually had the sense of ‘I Am’ i still had an awareness of my body as being separate from the world around me so do you think hive insects still retain that in relation to the rest of their hive or do they see the hive as a singular ‘body’ unit they just can’t feel all of

Oh yeah alter shit special interests and processing of trauma and memories etc etc anyway SU was a big interest at the very least for literal years and we're like. Accessing that part of our life again a bit more. So like block relevant tags if it bothers you! I may post about it more going forward. Or post abt it in like hours long blocks and then stop for a long time again. Idk it's sporadic.

Instead of discourse about showrunners and lesbians and whatever, I'm gonna bring a different type of discourse...whats ur fav and least Dr Whomst monsters. Hard mode: only the practical ones.

ok so I do like all the obvious ones, I like the angels, I like the vashta nerada, I like the not-things, I like the eternals. Here's a few deeper cuts (focusing on the tv show specifically):

they peaked with these maggots. they rock. pretty sure they're made with taxidermy? really great puppetry. I really like this thing:

what a cool design for this kind of forgotten midseason episode.

this is such a fun design for a langolier-type monster. I love how their crest and tail gives them the silhouette of a grim reaper

The 60s cybermen rock. I feel like they're hesitant to use them often in the modern show because they do look very 1960s but I think there's something really uncomfortable and evocative about the cloth faces that's lost when they're cool metallic robots. The mix between looking like an old diving suit and the implication of there being a chopped up person inside is gnarly and I love it. Simple, creepy, iconic design.

My favorite design in the show is probably this:

The 456 from the spinoff series torchwood. They didn't need the puppet to emote or move a ton since it spends the entire season in a little tank obscured in mist, so they just went crazy with the design and made it really bizarre looking. Extremely top tier alien. Anyways, negative. I really don't like this satan. the satan kind of sucks. the impossible planet is great atmospheric sci fi horror; every image of build up in it is haunting and leagues ahead of the climactic scene where he meets the satan. It singlehandedly kind of kills the vibe.

Personally I would have just kept the actual appearance off screen, just have it be eyes in the dark or something. Apparently they also tossed around the idea that it would end up being a normal little girl who was chained up in the cave and I think that would have visually fit the rest of the episode better.

I'm really not big on the modern design for the sea devils (the green one on the right). I think the classic ones clearly took a lot of direct influence from real animals and generally is a pretty thoughtfully realized design, the modern ones seem like they were first and foremost using the classic ones for reference and didn't quite capture the nuance of the design. Sad, as I would really like to see design for these guys with modern puppetry.

I think this is actually a pretty contentious opinion but the work of the specific studio who headed this redesign generally wasn't my favorite. Apparently there was some sort of major, semi public falling out between the fx studio that had been working on the show since 2005 and the people who started running the show in 2018, and they were briefly replaced with a much less experienced studio. No hate to them of course (I think this was actually their first job like, ever, and a lot of the work was done in crunch time?) but the difference did stand out to me: