this video has been going around for a while but the English subtitles didn't match the energy of the spoken French at all. i had to fix it.

reblog to spread this version

ok heres my confession. i didnt realise that philip in glass onion was supposed to be the husband. i am gay. i am gay. i thought he was the butler. you know why? you wanna know why? because he was british. because he had an upper class british accent and his name was philip. my immediate, gut reaction was: what the fuck else would a guy named philip with that goddamn downton abbey accent that no normal person could possibly have in real life be? there is no natural state in which a person who sounds like that occurs. aside from butlerhood. people with that accent just materialize one day with a tux in any location with a high enough ceiling. i thought he just showed up one day in that apartment and started doing daniel craigs laundry. my girlfriend, who i live with, is british. but she sounds like a regular fucking person. its not the same. i am simply prejudiced against the west end

My favorite scene, aside from everything that has to do with Helen snooping, is the final scene where Helen begins breaking all of Miles's glass sculptures. Like the whole group getting into it and breaking stuff with her like it's an act of solidarity, but then when she keeps going past their personal comfort level and catharsis and starts doing harm to objects that actually matter to Miles they freak out and try to stop her.

Like it's my favorite thing in these movies where this of group of assholes is given enough complexity to make them human, but they aren't forgiven for being such terrible people. The more you see of them the more you may hope that they'll have a genuine change of heart or stand up to Miles in any real way. But sometimes shitheads are just shitheads. Glass Fucking Onions.

to all the people who enjoyed seeing evil rich people get what’s coming for them in knives out and glass onion, may i suggest: leverage (2008)

i think benoit blanc is daniel craig’s compensation for not being able to be overtly fruity or kiss ben whishaw in any of the james bond films. and as such, i also think ben whishaw should get to be in knives out 3

Okay realistically Jing Yuan is probably encouraging Yanqing to make friends because I don’t think he has a lot between his training and work, but my immediate read of this was Area Dad Heartbreakingly Thinks His Connections Can Help Son Find Love

glass onion demonstrates how great satire often seems prophetic since it draws on what’s plain to see in the present. fake-elon Miles Bron waters a crowd of sycophants to do his bidding, throws money around until smarter people turn his idiotic ideas into something workable; worse-elon bought twitter in what looked like a childish fit of pique, grand proclamations to finally rid the platform of bots and meanies*. but that can’t be what’s going on right? theres gotta be something we’re not seeing, no one would make such nonsensical, expensive, dangerous decisions just for notoriety. there’s gotta be some master plan. but no, glass onion says (way back in 2021!), the center is clear. to see it, you just need to accept that he really is that fucking stupid.

"Tears? Where did these tears come from? Why? I am not at all sad nor hurt.

... Or is this because my body is wracked in such pent up, centuries-old agony that the tears spilled by themselves? Is it that though my mind no longer remembers, my body still grieves the loss of both my mother and my father? That I still yearn for the love that I have accepted I could never have? Or is it the childish, selfish wish that I could have had what Silver had-- that Lilia could have joyfully celebrated my childhood with me like he did with Silver, instead of making me memorize an entire dictionary of an obscure language in a single daylight? When I was but thirty (3, in human perspective)? Or tossing me off a cliff to hasten my flight?

Indeed, perhaps there are times when I wish I could go back to the past and spend my days more warmly with him. Sitting on the grass and snacking on berries and acorns and whatnot.

Ah tears, tears. The honesty that I could never, as a man of my position, say out loud."

🌸: "Hornton... We're slicing onions. That's... That's what they do. They make anyone cry. It's science."

🐉: "I see. How humiliating."

🐉: "Don't tell Silver. Or Lilia. Or Sebek. Or anyone, for that matter."

🌸: "Don't worry, I didn't hear anything."

The among us scene is truly one of the best things about the new knives out movie BECAUSE SOMEONE had to sit JAMES BoND down and explain amongus to him. He is a 54 year old man. Absolutely groundbreaking cinema.

Good Omens S2 + Onion Headlines (Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Aziraphale Special | Crowley Special)

+ bonus

"apartment complex? i find it quite simple." — Kosuzu Motoori

Okay I need to rant about Glass Onion for several paragraphs

WARNING: SPOILERS!

Glass onion is phenomenal, and I personally enjoyed its themes more than the first Knives Out movie.

Now don’t get me wrong, Knives Out is arguably the better film, but its strengths lie in the complexity and brilliant execution of its core mystery.  It’s a fantastic self-contained story about a shitty rich family and the people they directly affect.  The members of the family range across the political spectrum and all express different ideologies, but the moment a migrant working-class woman has a legitimized shot at their inheritance they band together to prevent her from improving her life.  It's interesting commentary on how wealthy people can talk a big game about helping others and being good people, but ultimately fall morally short when such actions threaten what they feel they “rightfully deserve.” But that's arguably the limitation of the film as its focus is entirely on the interpersonal conflict between the Thrombey family and Marta.

Glass onion isn’t limited by that.

The entire thematic core of Glass Onion concerns the damage that the rich and powerful can do to the world if they aren’t supervised, criticized, or limited. 

Aside from our lovely detective Benoit Blanc, the murdered Andi Brand, and her twin sister Helen, all of the characters are shitty people that are damaging the world in a uniquely horrible way as a direct consequence of the unchecked power and wealth they wield.

To start we have Governor Claire Dubella.  Her success in her political career has relied almost entirely on monetary support and influence from the films big bad and Elon Musk/Jeff Bezos analogue Miles Bron. Her platform has good objectives, and she’s passionate about hard topics like climate change, but her ability to act is entirely limited by the influence Miles has on her.  If Miles wants her to do something, she feels like she has no choice but to, which results in her greenlighting an experimental powerplant that Miles wants built to advocate for his new fuel source.  It’s untested technology, it’s volatile and dangerous as fuck, and Claire feels like she has no choice but to go along with it because if she doesn’t Miles will withdraw support from her career, or worse, support her opponents.  She likens it to selling her soul, and it really is.  She willingly undermined the health of her constituents for the sake of saving her career, and the shitty part is that Miles only controls her because she lets him.  She could deny the power plant, or leave Miles, at any time, but she doesn’t because she perceives the personal risk as to great.  She is a politician that won’t stand up for the people she represents, and no one calls her out on it.

Next, we have Duke Cody, the Alpha male men’s rights streamer who is just like, the absolute worst person in this film.  His views and opinions are incredibly toxic, his actions and beliefs directly hurt the people he influences through the hurtful products he promotes, and thanks to Mile's wealth and influence both he and his terrible, terrible, terrible opinions have official backing and some form of legitimacy.  He’s almost the direct inverse of Claire, being someone who really shouldn’t have support, but is getting it anyway because he’s Mile’s friend.  And because Miles doesn’t care and is giving Duke support and helping him dodge legal trouble, he enables Dukes terrible opinions and lets them influence and hurt people.  

Then we have Birdie, my personal favorite of the disruptors.  She is a fashion designer, media star, and breathtakingly, beautifully, stupid. She’s not actively malicious like some of the other characters, but she is just so fundamentally incapable of thinking things through. When paired with her wealth and influence, this results in horrifying real-world consequences.  She has her iconic fashion line of sweatpants made at the most infamous sweatshop in Bangladesh not because she doesn’t care, but because she thought a sweatshop is just a shop where you make sweatpants.  She’s just very stupid, but at the very least has the decency to be aware of it.  She even decides to own up to her Bangladesh mistake of her own volition, independent of the plot.  The problem is that no one corrected for her, or guided her, or worked to influence her decisions.  Miles just cared about what her brands could do for him and was perfectly willing to throw her under the bus to preserve his image.

Last of the four Disruptors is Lionel Toussaint.  Not much to say about him actually, he’s fairly straightforward.  He works directly under Miles as a scientist and is a parallel for the people that want to have confidence in tech ‘pioneers’ like Elon Musk.  After all they’ve been successful, and things have worked out in the past, surely, we can give them leeway with new technology development.  But there’s a reason why technology is prototyped and tested, and that’s because things always go wrong, and you need to take time and care to figure out how to ensure new technology is safe.

Which leads us to this asshole.

Miles goddamn Mona Lisa Burning Bron.

The absolute, motherfucking, shithead moron directly responsible for everything bad that happens in this film.

I lied about Duke Cody because this absolute buffoon is the actually the worst person in this film.

He manipulates politicians into endangering their constituents for his own gain, he enables the absolute worst and most toxic people by giving them legitimate platforms, he promotes influencers without caring for what their unchecked actions result in, and he deludes the people that work for him and want to believe in him with self-assured delusion.  This man is arrogant, an indiscribable moron (worse than Birdie because at least she acknowledges her failings), dangerously delusional, obsessed with control, and most damning of all, unchecked.

Miles Bron is a direct look at how too much unchecked power, wealth, and influence results in unmitigated disasters.  He doesn’t care about helping people, because he doesn’t take the time to make sure untested technology is safe for the public, handwaving legitimate concerns with denial and false assurance.  He doesn’t care about his friends, because he murders two of them the instant, they become a threat to his control.  He’s not smart, because all of his genius is the result of other people, he’s just skilled at advertising it as his own to get the credit.  All he cares about is doing what he wants and being in control, because his opinion and self-worth and legacy is more precious to him than any other thing in the world.  The man is a lie so absolute, so convoluted, and so stupidly straightforward that the slightest piece of truth will bring the facade of his existence crumbling down.  And it’s hard to acknowledge something like that in the real world because someone that successful being that malicious and dumb sounds incredibly stupid.  It’s an easy lie to buy because it’s more believable than how stupid the truth is.

Anyway, ultimately my conclusion is that we see a strikingly accurate portrayal of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk in this film, and it was very cathartic seeing their hopes, ambitions, and house burn down around them.  Because billionaires like them are shithead morons that lie to and manipulate everyone, and their arrogant and harmful self-delusions compound through the people they manage to influence.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Kinda sad to learn that there aren't really any 'Popular Science' news sources that has actual scientists writing the article--more specifically scientists writing popular science articles about their paper.

Have now finished Glass Onion and guess what? It was also delightful!

Man I was just suddenly overcome thinking about these two and how wild they are

Kiryu seems like the type of male fantasy you might expect from a franchise like this and in some ways he is but he’s sooooo different and much more. Way more. He communicates almost exclusively through caveman grunts and scary faces but he’s listening to everything someone is saying. Then he just drops the most insightful life experience knowledge several times. He’s dumber than a sack of bricks. And everyone who interacts with him knows this immediately. Everyone wishes he’d stop burdening himself playing the tough guy all the time and it ruins him. He tries to do right thinking he’s a danger to everyone and it’d be best to leave all the time but that ends up causing pain just as much. He’s not so secretly super into fighting. It’s one of his only other ways of communicating. Yet he’s also crazy about something that’s almost on par with Hot Wheels and is crazy determined about it. He has the social skills of a wet rag but people are drawn to him regardless. His heart is made of marshmallows no matter how many rippling muscles surround his frame. He’s deemed most fuckable man but does not want Sex. Dude even has too many morals for the mafia.

Ichiban is a big loud guy but he’s at the bottom shelf of life and doing everything to make it work. He can be aggressive just as much as he can be affectionate. He feels everything so strongly and cries whenever he’s overwhelmed with it. He talks so much. Sometimes even too much. His ability to read people is through the roof. Regardless of appearances of a brute who can become blinded by rage, he wants the best for everyone else at the bottom. Video games are special to him and he wants to be a hero who waves around a special bat instead of a sword. He thinks it’s bad to just go ham on an opponent and wants to let them get a few hits in because taking turns. Like in a game. He can be so nice yet so blunt with his words. His eyes are so warm and full of life no matter his age. He’s insulted by the very guy he sees as a brother but still views him like that anyway to the very end.

we need to put matt berry in knives out 3 purely because i would pay good money to see matt "𝘕𝘦𝘌𝘦𝘞 𝘠𝘰𝘖𝘰𝘙𝘬 𝘊𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘈y" berry and daniel "foghorn leghorn" craig talk to one another for two hours