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mareastrorum · 11 months

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More tinfoil hats for LitMoR!

Oh boy, so I posted a conspiracy theory chart here (pre-chapter 24), for the connections between characters in @grayintogreen's Life in the Margins of Redemption series on AO3. Here is the updated version:

Quite a lot of messy updates. I also added unhinged/unsupported ideas in teal, but everything else is supported by text.

More excerpts under the cut:

So first, let's look at Lucien's captures/kidnappings. I didn't get that deep into any of them in the last post, but we'll go in chronological order.

Jagentoths (815)

As mentioned in the earlier post, the Jagentoths offered Heather Dougal 1,000 gold for Lucien, which she turned down. Then their thugs murdered the Dougals and took Lucien to the Jagentoths. Reese mentioned they could sell Lucien for 800 if they passed him off as a girl. The numbers didn't match up.

It turns out that A. Allard specifically wanted to "make sure the brat bleeds," to whatever end. That explains the discrepancy with the amounts.

2. Dodger (815)

This wasn't discussed in the last post, but in there's something divine in the way screams can sound, Dodger also caught Lucien and forced him to join his gang.

Of course, Dodger was then murdered by one of the other kids 4 years later (819), and Lucien was alone on the streets until he met Cree, Tyffial, and Jurrell.

3. Jagentoths (824)

Then the Jagentoths caught Lucien and his friends in 824, beat the living crap out of them, and sold them off. Turns out Lucien's big buyer on the coast was A. Allard:

There was also a letter to provide context:

So, for whatever reason, A. Allard was not satisfied with Lucien living on the streets with other orphans. Why didn't he care what the Jagentoths did with him in 815, but he was disappointed in 824? Did something change? Or was living on the streets of the Run not terrible enough? What was their goal in making Lucien suffer?

(Note: I don't think Lucien was actually 12 here, probably just so slight that he seemed younger than he was.)

4. Claret Orders (824)

Next, the Claret Orders rescued the kids before they reached the coast (from OUADYA):

This one turned out to be relatively benign, and judging by Vax's comments in the Commune (discussed below), this was the Raven Queen taking action.

5. Somnovem (833)

So, this is a pet theory: I don't think DeRogna killed Lucien for her own purposes. I think the Somnovem wanted her to.

Think about it. DeRogna had nine red eyes. If she got all of them before the ritual, why did the Somnovem give her more eyes than any of the Tombtakers? If she got them after the ritual, why did she have any after killing Lucien? Neither makes sense unless the Somnovem had some special purpose for her.

In addition, the Somnovem's plan for the Nonagon hinged on getting Lucien's soul into Cognouza so they could force him to fix things. But if an Astral Projection spell had worked properly, then Cree could have gotten him out with a simple Dispel Magic, unless the tether to his body was cut. Destroying such a tether is only possible with very specific things that explicitly are capable of it, like a Githyanki sword or an Astral Deadnaught's attack. So the Somnovem probably couldn't break an Astral Projection tether.

But DeRogna didn't break the tether. She broke Lucien's soul. When Lucien comes to in Cognouza (also in screams), Ira suddenly decided to bring up DeRogna and tell Lucien that she took the tome:

Why? What purpose was there to tell Lucien that unprompted? I think Ira wanted Lucien to fill in the blank because the Somnovem didn't say DeRogna sabotaged the ritual--Lucien assumed it.

And if that's the case, then Lucien never had a chance once he was convinced he needed to do the ritual. The Somnovem had been planning to kill and capture him from the start. And that explains why Ophelia had nightmares of the Somnovem when she was pregnant in as in the painted parlor, ophelia dreams.

So, yeah, the Somnovem have been planning to get their Nonagon for a long time, and I think DeRogna was just the final piece to get that done.

Anyway, the remaining kidnappings (6-8) were in the LitMoR stories themselves, so I won't recount them. That's just keeping track. Lucien's almost to 9! I bet he gets a prize. (The prize is suffering.)

Onto the second topic: The Allard Family!

As discussed above, there was an A. Allard that tried to buy Lucien, but Ashley's too young, so it must have been someone else. Then Jester sent Sendings (TO ASHLEY) that got us more.

So Ashley had an uncle that was also an A. Allard, but he's dead. This also confirms that Ashley was NOT involved in the Jagentoth's torment or the attempts to abduct Lucien earlier. So Jester sent to her mom, then Ashley again:

So now we know Ashley had an uncle named ALDER (A TYPE OF TREE) and a brother named Pomeroy (APPLE ORCHARDS), both dead. HMMMM. And based on Alder's letters, Marion was deceived that he was nice. They're all shitheads.

Considering that the prior post noted that Ashley wasn't supposed to get the Blade of Broken Mirrors, he might have been the reason they're both dead. After all, if Alder was actually doing the work of interfering with Lucien's life (and theoretically fucking with Cognouza), then he was probably the one with the knife. If Ashley was the "black sheep" maybe he was rejected by the people carrying it out. No way to know for sure yet.

Next is Rowan, or her new name, Marianne Mardoon:

Honey hair, hazel eyes, and asymmetrical bangs. SHE'S ROWAN! I KNOW IT! She even visited the coast a few months back--perfect timing for the Court of Nightmare's party. Even though Rowan was a half-elf and Marianne is a human, that just bolsters the idea that she's a changeling!

(Note: Alder died 3 years ago... the same year that Lucien died. That's quite a coincidence. If it really was Ashley that did it, why did he do it at that time? And if he did, why is Rowan/Marianne helping Ashley now? Maybe she doesn't know. THE PLOT THICKENS.)

But anyway. Marianne was engaged to Alder from the coast. The only Alder from the coast that we know of now is Alder Allard! So since someone had to have tipped him off about the purple tiefling being raised by a nice elderly couple, that must have been Marianne. And if the Allards were trying to make Lucien "bleed," then Marianne probably also was the reason Ophelia was adopted by Jack Mardoon to take over.

And now Marianne is leaving for the east:

What is to the east that the Seven would be interested in? Bazzoxan and the King's Cage! That's the last champion the Seven need to break the fanes, and that would complete their group of 7.

(Note: Because they have Zerxus, they don't need Yasha for the fanes. But considering Jayne's prior interest in Yasha (especially how her in danger triggered Molly going berserk), I don't think that means the Seven don't have plans for Yasha.)

Next, let's look at the stuff we learned in the Cleric Club's Commune:

First, the Court of Nightmares wasn't a front for anything.

Yves Allard was just doing his own thing, not some ulterior motive beyond the Court's activities. But as the last post showed, Jayne was there messing with stuff. So that suggests Jayne wasn't working with Yves when she was messing with Molly. Considering that Jayne is truly devout to Tharizdun, perhaps that just solidifies that Yves was a poser like the rest of the Court.

Second, the Betrayer Gods as a group aren't involved in this conspiracy:

Judging by the description, that it "begins and ends everything," they "tried to contain it," and it's not really anyone's ally, I bet this is Tharizdun. And it seems Tharizdun can affect fate just as well as the Matron--suggesting that the glimpses of creepy stuff we saw in Ophelia's side story wasn't just Cognouza reaching out, but the Chained Oblivion as well.

Of course, that might have still been Cognouza, but the darkness and ooze makes me think Tharizdun was involved in putting Ophelia (and Lucien) in the Somnovem's sights. Since it can affect fate, perhaps it was the reason Lucien was Ruidusborn too.

Third, Vax cheats with the Commune a bit.

Lucien wasn't meant to "live." Like, Vax is bending the rules here, but he might be keeping in the spirit by being cryptic. Did he mean that Lucien wasn't supposed to survive or is it the distinction of survival/living that Lucien threw at Molly previously? Hard to say. Maybe Vax is referring to the theory that the Somnovem might have been the reason DeRogna killed him, so his death was always the plan. Or maybe he wasn't supposed to have control of his own life. Cryptic jerk!

Vax also said "every single bit" of Lucien is at risk. I feel like he's also including Molly as part of Lucien there. Then Vax warns Cree not to let him falter "for love or for selfishness." So there's going to be risky choices where choosing love or selfishness could ruin everything. But if he included Molly as a "bit" of Lucien, could that also mean Molly might make such a choice? Maybe!

Next, let's talk about the Pattern.

During Beau's presentation of her conspiracy theory chart (hahaha), Lucien and Cree noted that the shape of it was reminiscent of the Pattern. However...

Lucien never got that good of an understanding of the Pattern despite that it was something apart from Cognouza and the Somnovem. As mentioned in the prior post, patterns are important to the Allards, strengthening the idea that the Pattern has something to do with Tharizdun. It could be how Tharizdun influences Cognouza's corruption, but it doesn't seem like it would be outright control. If it was control, then there'd be no need for the Allards to do anything to fuck with Cognouza because Tharizdun would do that itself.

And speaking of the Pattern, the Somnovem previously hinted that even though they don't have the book, they might be able to reach out to people that have survived Molly's/Ira's attack:

And the only known survivor is Trent Ikithon. Oh, boy! Looks like this could get way worse.

(NOTE: READ THE SIDE STORIES. THEY HAVE JUICY BITS.)

So that's all the updates for now. This is getting even more juicy!

#litmor #life in the margins of redemption #you can't deny high noon #once upon a damn you all

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mymarifae · 1 year

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ok so like. unironically i think disliking any of the girls in project sekai is a major red flag ESPECIALLY when people say they don’t like the girls but “ stan ” akito/toya/rui/tsukasa. but can i be honest. at this point disliking any of the characters at all is a red flag. in my brain. i know everyone has their preferences but it’s just... these are all well-rounded, very complex characters. when someone calls any of them “annoying” or “boring” or “mean” it just immediately tells me that they didn’t read the damn stories. or they read the main stories and skimmed maybe half of the event stories. because adjectives like Annoying, Boring, and Mean are the most superficial conclusions you can come to about a character, and if you finished reading the text you’d see that they quite literally do not apply to prsk’s main cast. ok well maybe annoying i will concede on that one a tiny bit but they’re teenagers. maybe don’t play a game about teenagers if you aren’t prepared to be annoyed/subjected to secondhand embarrassment sometimes

like. oh you hate akito? 🤨 why. what part of the text led you to the conclusion that he’s an unlikable character. what did you read. tell me. if you say anything about the way he talked to kohane in the main story you’re going to be in big trouble

#i always thought it was obvious that akito said those things to kohane because he saw himself in her #it was projection. it was his way of trying to protect her #he tried to shove her out of the street music scene because once upon a time He Was Her and he barely survived #but if you didn't pick up on that during the main story. guess what the event and card stories make Blatantly Obvious #fuckin hell the circumstances of kohane freezing up on stage and performing poorly when the power cut out very closely mirrors the-#-humiliation akito faced at crawl green all those years ago when those older musicians harassed and bullied him #and yeah find a way out is a recent event! but that's why you gotta at least kind of keep up because prsk's story is ongoing #and you can't. act like the characters are static and like the stories will never show them in a whole new light #because they do all the damn time!!#akito's actions in the main story were expanded upon before find a way out but that's the event that's like.#if you don't get it now you're never going to get it #it provides context for why he blows up at not only kohane but kotaro too!!!! anyway this is an essay for another day #i've been meaning to really tear into. that whole scene from the main story for a while now idk when i'll get around to it #but these are all good kids i hate everybody forever

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theheadlessgroom · 3 months

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@beatingheart-bride

Setting aside his knife and fork, Randall gently took her hand in his with a soft smile, saying, "I appreciate that-I...I don't want to pry if you don't want me to...but if you're willing to talk about it, I'm willing to listen."

On the one hand, he didn't want to bring down the mood again; they were enjoying a lovely dinner (or rather, he was; he felt a twinge of guilt, worried that her lack of an appetite was his fault), watching a great movie and about to begin working on the model kit, and he didn't want to completely ruin the evening...

...but at the same time, a part of him wanted to ask-not because he was nosy, but because he felt it might do Emily some good to talk about it. She seemed so very lonely, a fact that broke his heart, and that she had a lot on her mind as a result. He wanted to help to alleviate that loneliness, that heartache, if he could.

Without thinking about it, he brought her hand up to kiss her knuckle, an action that almost felt like a reflex when he did it. It felt as if he had done it a thousand times before...even if, surely, he hadn't. Realizing this, he blushed and let go of her hand, saying shyly, "Th-That was forward of me, I-I'm sorry."

#((exactly! it's gonna be such an intense wave of memories; both good and bad))#((and all the associated feelings; it would be overwhelming for anybody!))#((and so he's gonna appreciate emily being there; just as she's going to appreciate having him remember her))#((and the love they shared once upon a time; and will share again!))#((and as you said; the decision to turn randall isn't going to be an easy one for emily!))#((he comes to the conclusion that he wants the change fairly quickly...but he'll have to convince her))#((and that'll be a tough sell; because as much as she wants him to be there; to never lose him again))#((she also doesn't want him damning his soul on her account; nor going through the pain that she did!))#((he'll still manage to convince her but even so...oof!))#outofhatboxes #beatingheart-bride #V:Dark Shadows

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grayintogreen · 2 years

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WIP Wednesday

I'm three scenes into this chapter with all seven drafted in dialogue... Just gotta face my age old enemy WORD PICTURES again. I'm angling for a Friday drop date per usual, but it might be Saturday since I'm busy today and dunno how much writing time I'll have.

But to tide you over, here's a little snippet of Yussa having the Worst Day.

Beau slipped into what Molly thought of as her Cobalt Soul business voice- just a bit too condescending and lightly authoritative in a very annoying way, but fuck if it didn’t actually work. “We ran into some setbacks. Best laid plans, you know?”

Yussa exhaled. “I did not like any of this from the start and it seems you have brought me bad news. Very well. Sit.”

He gestured to the couches and the Nein dropped down onto them like scolded puppies- exhausted, battered, scolded puppies. Part of Molly wanted to strangle this asshole for not having an iota of sympathy for what they were going through right now, but logic, as stupid as it was, said that they were the interlopers messing up his evening and he had every right to be annoyed by what this favor he’d agreed to entailed.

So he just grit his teeth in a grateful smile and thanked the Moonweaver that Caduceus was quick to do the talking, busying himself with a tea set that had been placed on the table in front of them before they entered.

“We did everything right. We just underestimated our enemy.” He noted the pot was empty. “This is a nice set. D’you mind if I brew something? I promise it won’t be like anything you’ve ever tasted before.”

“Certainly.” Yussa dropped down onto one of the chairs and adjusted his robes- fuck, was that real gold thread? For a moment, Molly was fascinated by the way every stitch caught the light from the chandelier above and only snapped out of it when Yussa continued, sharply:

“Indeed you did underestimate them. And there will be consequences for that. Fortunately, I have no love for the Assembly.” Yussa ran a hand over his forehead, brushing some of his wavy white hair to the side. “Still… You have put a great deal more strain on my life than I anticipated when Marion came to me.”

Caleb spoke for the first time, startling Molly and Beau both, despite how small and forlorn he sounded. “We will not let this come back on you.”

“It will not. I can assure you of that. Regardless, you will be hunted in the Empire and it is not wise for you to stay here. Where will you go?”

“To Eiselcross,” Cree replied, curtly. She had chosen not to sit and hovered behind the couch, her fur on end. Her disdain for strange wizards apparently hadn’t gotten any better over time. If anything, Molly was starting to agree with her.

“Then I would avoid Balenpost. It is-“

“An Empire outpost, aye.” Cree’s fur fluffed out even more with clear indignation at his presumption that she didn’t already know that. “I have been there with the previous Archmage of Antiquity. My former group was hired by her for an expedition a few years ago.”

Yussa raised an eyebrow at previous. “I heard about DeRogna’s death. Xhorhassian assassins?”

Molly swallowed. In for a copper... “Not exactly.”

No one offered elaboration and Yussa was clearly clever enough to read between the lines of the awkward silence. He drew a sharp exhale between his teeth and rubbed at his eyes. “If I am reading this situation correctly… You killed an archmage of the Cerberus Assembly and then attempted to kill another?”

Jester slapped her knees, indignantly. “They came after us first!”

Yussa was unmoved. “So. You kill archmages. You dismantle cults. You stand out when you should be blending into the shadows to protect yourselves. Who are you exactly, Mighty Nein?”

Caduceus was still in the process of getting the tea ready and therefore didn’t look up when he said, “I dunno if we have an answer to that yet, but… I think we might be heroes.”

#wip wednesday #critical role fic #once upon a damn-you-all

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ardenssolis · 1 year

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what is holding you back?

the inability to rely on others without feeling like a burden.

you're spending way too much time trying to find an explanation for everything you do and think, aren't you? you feel like all of the answers have to come from inside of you, since that's the role you've grown into. from the outside, people think you have it together. they see your open arms as invitation, and therefore keep leaning on you. at first, it was okay, since you wanted to help. but slowly, you're being dragged further and further down. you need help, too. but you're supposed to be there for everyone else. you're the one they go to when they're struggling. you've put everyone else first, and now you feel like you can't allow others to know that you need help. please, stop telling yourself you're fine. deep down, you know you aren't. things don't have to be this way. you can let those people in. if anything, they will be grateful that you reached out. can you imagine how nice it'd feel to take a break from dealing with this all on your own?

tagged by: @caemthe (THANK U LIRI /////)

tagging: @aceparagon, @nulltune, @deityforged, @darabeatha, @jaakunxkaze, @cantillat, + anyone! Take it!

#[damn this quiz really decided to be a literal knife emoji JKHFKDJFHSFS #some of this is fairly accurate in the fact that he literally does not #know how to rely on others like -- EMOTIONALLY #he can do that in the practical sense since Ozy is not above joining forces #with others if that is the wise and reasonable choice to make #but there's a limit to what he does #a limit to what he allows others to be able to peer into #even Nito doesn't get to see the things buried in his heart #and in canon he has only touched upon this ONCE in his interlude #but he always does these things in a roundabout way that you have to #basically figure out on your own because he's not going to tell you #just drop hints that have to be deciphered by others #we all laugh about his hikikomori habits but that's something done #because he was feeling sad / missing the past #and I think that Gil realized this too / understands #ANYWAY I'M DONE RAMBLING]#;tagged

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aberooski · 2 years

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As the writer of the fic, my favorite least favorite piece of OUAD lore is that Zane canonically exists within the world.

#because if y'all remember he gets mentioned very briefly in chapter 11 #'asailing the dark prince with a ferocity Jaden has never seen from another fairy before. -#- not even from the likes of Syrus's rather intense big brother.'#so he's canon to OUAD #in my mind he also exists as like his season 3 self but without the whole slowly dying because his heart's all fucked up thing #like not full on Edgelord Supreme(tm) Zane but later show level of intensity from him #and I wrote the damn thing so whatever I say is canon 🤪#but it's literally HILARIOUS to me that he of all people exists in this world as a damn fairy 😂#like that is SO funny to me 😂😂#I may dislike the guy very strongly but I am laughing my ass off just thinking about it #if I can figure out something for an OUAD 2 I'd love to bring more of the ensemble into that canon and that world maybe he can have a cameo #I would laugh #anyway I've got more OUAD doodles to shade I wanna get those finished by Sunday if I can #I wanna finally try to get back to writing again 😩#but I literally could not stop thinking about this so there you go lol #abby's being an idiot again #abby's just rambling don't mind her #Once Upon A Duelist #yugioh #yugioh gx #yugioh gx fanfiction #zane truesdale

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noxtivagus · 2 years

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OH I JUST REMEMBERED THE LAST TALES STORY RELEASED EARLIER... "a question of death" aaaa time to ramble in tags ><

#A QUESTION OF LIFE #🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ]#PLEASE. FROM TO DEATH T_T #'It was not the cold that had roused him from his slumber. We're old friends now.' GOD #'...the weak morning light revealed the stark outline of his reality.'#oh. oh wow. 'the vision endured / implacable / without regard for the dreamers.'#'to the shrewdest of minds and the purest of hearts / fate offered no justice nor justification'.#'Yet you would ask me why.' wait this next bit is hurting me #'that injury should have healed. yet it itched at him now─a scab that bled and bled / threatening to hollow him out from within.' DAMN.#'Unforgiving grey. Destruction and loss.'#'All silent as the grave / as if even beasts preferred not to pick through these bones of an empire so early in the morn.'#i love the writing so much;; 'he drew closer / mindful of the potential for further collapse. 'I remember this..''#FUCKKK I'M GOING A BIT INSANE RIGHT NOW. A MENTION OF SOLUS. I'M EMOTIONAL??#'though still dignified in his old age / the gaze which he fixed upon the reader was more melancholic than proud...#never saw the man smile once.' that's basically emet-selch then right?;; he smiled with us though. im so sad #And then there was the young man with a faraway look in his eyes and an air of detachment...#'Would you be 'happier' had I a 'good reason'?' THIS MAN. ZENOS #'The streets were still and silent / his crunching footsteps the only sound.' FOOTFALLS #'Though the sentiment rang hollow / he silently encouraged the deceased to find peace with his ancestors and watch over his kin.'#'If the twins spoke true / then what meaning was there in any of it? What was life / if not another pointless parade?' oh.#GODDAMN 'Let this be my final gift to you. In death / my love."#i can't even say anything anymore. there's smth so painful n beautiful abt the solemnity of death #death life. possibilities potential. 'to grant them what they need to go on...' - or so the poet said #keys. family. acceptance. giving up. failure. loss without goodbyes #'Did you leave your lives / and your love / to me?' that's so raw.#'The dead do not answer / yet the wound within ceases its bleeding for a time.' it's so well phrased i'm in pain #the italicization ;; 'If that is our truth...'#'Then let it be our meaning. Let it be the chain which binds us through generations. Live on in me / as I would have in you.'#truth and meaning. life goes on. continues

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bladeofthestars · 23 days

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#wedding celebration to go to next weekend #they're like. maybe already married?#they didn't tell us when they were gonna get married or announce their engagement at all to us #i'm kinda like 'why even bother' but one of em has been reaching out to try to hang with my partner more #no one tries to talk to me at all tho despite me attempting to reach out to them so like #fuck me i guess. as is usual with this group.#falling out of love with some other close friends recently too tbh #i'll have to wait and see how i feel about everyone once we've fully moved and settled into our new place and i'm not stressed af anymore #a major major stressor is one of said friends developing a bed bugs case and being extremely lackadaisical and naïve about it #no spraying a bug bomb once will not take care of the issue #why do you think people are so fucking afraid to get them?#do some damn research #and acts like i'm reeeeally putting upon him to ask him to exercise some reasonable caution #like not bringing his backpack on trips #like!!! you're lucky we're having you in the car with us at all and in our hotel room!!!#backpacks have a million tiny spaces for things to hide! get used to living out of disposable plastic bags on trips for a little dude #if i get bed bugs from him being fast and loose i WILL legitimately stop being friends with him

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vadlings · 5 months

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Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #laios touden #shuro #toshiro nakamoto #the winged lion #autistic #autism #clay writes #i GUESS #this was so spur of the moment. im so busy right now i dont have time to be analysing laios touden #i wuont angry autistic rep..

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