#on a good day i accept myself the way i am but other times it’s hard to feel beautiful
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I took an interest in The Bad Batch around the tailend of S2. It's not news to Tumblr that I almost slept on this show. And I cannot thank Caleb Dume enough for being the reason why I pressed the play button for this one. While I haven't been around for most of its active run, and I wish I had been, the last year has been among the best months of my life.
This show challenged my morals, and taught me lessons that I will forever take with me.
Tech taught me to embrace and take pride in who I am. I now think that I am not something that needs to be cured. I needed to be understood and accepted. He taught me that we deserved to be loved and be allowed to live the way we want to (as long as we are not causing harm to ourselves or to others).
Hunter taught me that at the end of the day, we're all still humans. We make mistakes. We fail. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And I should also take care of my hair bec I cannot accept that a man in a galactic war have better hair than me (Okay, did you honestly think I'm gonna be serious this entire essay?)
Crosshair taught me that at the end of the day, we really are still humans. Sometimes, we make choices that not everyone will understand or agree to. Sometimes, we don't even understand our own choices. But we can learn from them, and we can strive to be better. And that I should also go to therapy bec istg my hand shakes like hell I always need to rely on a pen stabilizer when doing my artworks.
Wrecker taught me that in this world where we can be anything, always choose to be kind. He is a great man who would always be there for everyone, and I hope that one day, I can be that person too. He is afraid of heights, but he climbs and go on high places anyway. Like him, I should also start conquering my fears. Dear Wrecker, I did try conquering my fear of heights last March 9 but I can't. I will try again.
Echo taught me to always fight for the greater good. Almost two years ago, me and a group of people campaigned for a great tomorrow. With pink flags and pink balloons, we worked on our little thing I like to call our rebellion. Sadly, we lost. At times, I am thinking of just giving up bec that's democracy and I cannot go against the people's decision, but characters like Echo and the rest of Rogue One taught me that nothing should ever stop me for fighting for the people's rights and that my love for my fellow citizens should always come first before hatred.
And lastly, Omega taught me to be curious, or more likely to not be ashamed for being curious. Learn about the world. Learn about lots of things. We never know when we need it. While I could say be good at strategy and win 30 grand on card games, nahhh, I'm not that smart.
I also learned to reevalutate myself as an artist. This show taught me integrity. I had ranted about this lately but these characters challenged me in terms of art. I knew that the creators aren't best at proper representation. While I could draw them as they are in the show, I choose to stand for what is right, and represent them as properly as my skills could. In the more technical side, I became good at drawing armors. And this little Actors AU Draw Series taught me to be responsible; I tried my very best to create and post them on time. This increased my productivity.
But enough about me.
There's something I realized two nights ago; we, the fandom, are Bad Batchers ourselves. We can consider ourselves a family, but not one of us is the same and we're all interesting, and capable in our own unique ways. We can have our own opinion and stand about something and still coexist. Like our favorite charactera, we embrace and celebrate our differences.
This show may end. No more Bad Batch Eves, no more cryptic tweets that cause us to hyperventilate, no more Bad Batch Wednesdays but it will live on, through us.
I know there will be a day where we decrease in number, one by one, little by little, but still, the show will live on through our actions, our opinions, our choices we make after May 1, 2024 because I know that all of us were changed in some ways by these characters and this show.
To the crew, your cryptic tweets caused me sleepless nights, but thank you so, so much. It is through your hardwork that we had this wonderful show. Thank you for making every second of the past year so worthwhile and enjoyable for me and for everyone.
However this show will end, whether happy or sad, I am glad it happened. However short my time was with them, I am happy I had been here. However short my time with everyone in the fandom was or if some of you leave one day, still, thank you so much for being part of my life; I am so happy I met all of you.
To Clone Force 99, thank you. I've never loved anything like this before. May the Force be with you.
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.
#purrs#delete later#idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every#single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional#needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t#those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t#this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone#but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o#course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and#i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved#mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or#whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a#week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be#writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all#the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality#is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents.#and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments#where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them#comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so#painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i#haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that#kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im#crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i#missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever.#and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read#the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are#closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom#to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess.#also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and#that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk
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#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday#and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased#im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool#and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it#am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them#which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd#and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to#the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project.#ugh its like my boss said#sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project#but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it#but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the#info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel#god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im#so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts#sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now#so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times#and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away#idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4#it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me#also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at#but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly#literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol#whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history#bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk#its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway#i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried#unrelated
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i really want to be one of those beautiful girls who always have impeccable hair and natural-looking makeup but the truth is most days i truly don’t have the desire to put anything more than the bare minimum into my appearances
#i’m pretty simple tbh#i have great fashion taste (and am willing to admit it hehe) and i like to look good so i put care into choosing what clothes to wear#but i never really cared at all about makeup besides lipstick and eyeliner#(my best friend who is one of the most beautiful people i know would always wear black eyeliner and mascara and i just loved the look)#on a good day i accept myself the way i am but other times it’s hard to feel beautiful#i don’t know why but the thought of having to set aside time to do my makeup every day make me cringe a little bit inside#and then i see my little sister and my cousin and so many other girls and i’m like ‘belle you gotta step it up for people to start seeing yo#you differently and as more attractive.’#i remember when i was Little enough for my mom to do my hair every morning (and i had long hair) she would do all these fancy braids with it#and after a while i’d just… had enough of the fancy hairstyles. no more sitting still while someone braids my hair for me#so i got a shoulder-length haircut and never looked back and i’m FINE with just wearing my hair loose and natural every day now#but it’s quite think & dry & curly so it’s not always that easy#anyway traditional beauty standards SUCK#it shouldn’t be like that but it is. and i think a lot about the notion of ‘femininity’ and especially feminine beauty standards that are pl#placed on hispanic women and wonder just how much of that was passed down to me through my mother#i swear i will get a pixie cut and/or keep my hair short even if it is partially out of spite#belle speaks#this post is sponsored by tiktok LMAO
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damn .
#wow. it's been bad. like really bad?#ive had my shitty moments but i think the past week takes a place in the top 5#idk what the fuck has been wrong with me but oh my god i am horrible. a complete mess. i cannot even function right now#the amount of times i've dissociated the past couple of days is ??? crazy. never had that happen except 4 when i went through severe trauma#just.... i can't focus. my sight gets all fuzzy and i don't have the mental capacity to return to my body#i am just numb and lifeless and my entire being is dead weight. it's too much effort to move so i just stare into a blurry atmosphere#most of the time. wishing i was dead tbh.#every single day i think 'i'm gonna kill muself.' i say it to myself constantly#like a source of comfort or some fucked up shit#i swear to god i have missing time from the past week. like what was i doing all day? where did i go?#it kind of scares me and the fact that i think i'm hallucinating doesn't make it any better#i keep hearing voices that aren't there and i saw a cockroach in my bathroom.... but it wasn't one#it was just me imagining it plus it was way too fast to be one#but i literally gasped and flinched back and watched it go behind my toilet. yet it wasn't there#what the fuck is happening to me?#i should be happy. i got accepted into college. and yet i'm not. i'm worse than ever before#my dad doesn't even support me on this. i don't have anyone to talk to. and i just really want to fucking die#and idk. i always think to myself how much i hate myself but i never really took it that seriously#but then the other day i realized how much i truly believe and KNOW i am a bad person. i am not good.#like wow i guess i really do hate myself#starting to suspect i have bpd :/ never really thought abt it before#but from what i keep reading and seeing most of my symptoms match up perfectly#favorite person / self harm / mood swings / utter lack of care for myself / anger and resentment toward others all the time#so much shit idk. my therapist says i self harm but i really have no idea if what i do is considered self harm#i mean. i guess it has left scars. but i don't think i do it out of hatred for myself? but maybe i do#considering i've come to the conclusion that i fucking despise every aspect of myself#i don't think it's normal to put yourself in someone else's shoes and think 'why would they ever want to be friends with me?'#there's too many other things to say but. i'm stupid and ugly and i want to die and fuck my life lmao. i hate it here for real.
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kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.
i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."
goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'
"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.
behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."
"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."
"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."
later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."
she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.
the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?
i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.
but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.
each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".
but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.
#spilled ink#warm up#so i have worked in childcare as a teacher for like 15 years#hence the language behind ''what helps you be safe in your body?''#like you can tell by what i say here i have EXPERIENCE with kids.#but tbh the REAL teacher moment is watching a 6/7 year old say#''this makes me nervous#can you please not come closer?''#as a teacher i was IMMEDIATELY like ... ahh whomever is raising you is doing an EXCELLENT job holy shit#verbalizing your fears? trusting an adult to listen?#ability to recognize a way you might feel safer?#like .... this kid's caregivers.... that one moment... i was like .... who are u i wanna french kiss you big on the mouth
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Hiii!! Could I request a bombshell reader x Spencer where someone (a local police maybe) says something rude to her about her appearance or something and normally it doesn’t really get to her, but something snaps and she kinda shuts down/is rude to Spencer until he coaxes it out of her? Sorry it’s long I had an idea and ran w it loollll
ty for requesting angel! confident fem!reader, 1k
Spencer shouldn’t expect his colleague to hold his hand, especially one so confident. What sense would that make, a woman as established as you are, who smiles without a lick of worry nor smugness, wanting to hold his hand?
But you do it all the time, is the thing. In the car on the way to crime scenes, in the hallways of the office, under the round table. It started as a tethering for his distractedness, when one day he’d wanted to talk but hadn’t had the presence of mind to walk at the same time, so you’d taken his hand and led him to the office. You’ve been taking it at your discretion ever since.
Spencer knows something is wrong —you haven’t tried to hold his hand all day. And even if you aren’t interested in him romantically, Spencer has come to crave the touch. He’ll accept platonic hand holding. Anything, really.
“You’re staring very deeply, Dr. Reid,” you mutter, shades from your usual lightness.
“I’m thinking.”
“Aren’t you always?”
“About you.”
“Well,” you smile fleetingly. “You should always be thinking about me.”
“You’re truly humble.”
His joke doesn’t land, it crashes and burns; your smile fades completely into a short, sharp line. Your gaze moves back into the restaurant, waiting for the team's food order in silence once again.
Spencer’s pinky finger twitches across the gap.
“Is everything okay?” he asks.
“Fine.”
You stay quiet, Spencer worries. He takes the bags before you can when they bring your food to the collection desk, two lumps of heat he holds to his thighs as you begin the walk back to the hotel. Tonight, the team will pick at their food together and rehash the same arguments they’ve been making all day, filling in each other's gaps, and tomorrow the work will start again. He can’t have you this unhappy again tomorrow.
“You’re amazing,” he says, watching you turn to him from the corner of his eye, “you know you are, we all do, everyone who meets you. I know you don’t need me to tell you that, or to feel better, but… I’m here for you. If you want to talk. It’s been a hard couple of days, and talking about traumatic events as they happen and directly afterward make them easier to recover from.”
“I’m not traumatised.”
“Upsetting,” he corrects. “Having a shoulder to cry on is good for you, and I can be that shoulder. You know, if you need me to be.”
He can’t know this in the moment, though maybe one day you’ll tell him, further down the line when the hand holding is better defined, but you look at him and you love him. To know Spencer is to love him. Or at least that’s how you’ve always felt. You’d love to cry on his shoulder about what transpired that morning if it weren’t embarrassing to think about, you’re upset over a throwaway comment made by nobody important.
Spencer offers his company earnestly. He stammers. It’s amazingly sincere, as he usually is. He won’t mind if it’s embarrassing, he’ll just listen.
You clear your throat. “I know I’m not to everyone’s taste. I know that the way I… present myself isn’t what most men like. People love confidence, but not when it’s bossy, not when it’s– when it’s vain. And I am vain. I think about my appearance a lot, I think I’m beautiful most of the time, I try so hard to have that be true.” You eye him thoughtfully. “Do you realise that?”
He shakes his head gently, one ear toward one shoulder and then the other, as though balancing. “Sort of. I know you put effort into your appearance, but I also assume a lot of it to be natural.”
“Right, well. It’s not natural. Not really. My natural beauty wouldn’t be all the beautiful to most people. And I’ve accepted that, I know what I like about myself, and–” You’re losing the thread of your point, an upset creeping into your melodic tone and turning it ragged. “When people tell me they don’t like how I look now, I guess it hurts because I know they wouldn’t like me before, either, and I feel defeated because I know I can’t win.”
“Who said they don’t like how you look?” Spencer asks, confused, on his way to annoyed.
“Officer Friendly.” You look to your shoes, watching the steps you take. “Guess he wasn’t as nice as we thought.”
“What did he say to you?”
You shrug. “Same story. He doesn’t like girls who wear makeup. Doesn’t like uppity women.”
“Did he call you that?”
“What are you gonna do if he did?” you ask without malice.
“Morgan’s teaching me self defence for a reason.” You smile at his light joke, though it doesn’t last. He transfers the takeout bags into one hand, the other held out to you, his fingers sliding down your arm to your wrist. “You know you’re beautiful, with or without makeup. And you’re not uppity, you’re out of his league. There’s a difference.”
“You’re flirting with me.”
“No.” He wishes he had the wherewithal sometimes, but this isn’t flirting. “I’m being honest with you. Men like that don’t like you because they know they’ll never, ever have you, or anyone like you. There isn’t anyone like you,” he adds, sliding his hand into yours.
He squeezes all your fingers together twice in quick succession.
“Don’t let a jealous chauvinist halfwit make you think you’re not good enough,” he says.
You curl your fingers around his before he can take his hand back. Slowly, you squeeze his hand. Then, smiling, you let him go.
“I’ve never heard you say something mean like that,” you say. “Halfwit. That’s crass.”
“I was going to say he’s an asshole, if that’s better.”
Your laugh echoes off of the sidewalk. “That’s perfect. Say something meaner.”
The insult he uses next doesn’t bear repeating.
#spencer and bombshell reader#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction
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Something I’ve been curious about if it wouldn’t break the bit: are you one buckaroo or several sharing a name and persona?
greetings bud thank you for asking FIRST OF ALL want to say to you or anyone reading this post that i am not upset over this question and i am not upset with you. you have kindness in your trot and i know you are just asking to prove love in your own way. buds reading this please do not harass this person in fact maybe give them a follow or a like, they are trying their best.
OKAY NOW THAT IS OUT OF THE WAY i will talk on my feelings of this with simple statement:
this is not a bit.
i understand it can be difficult to accept this for some, especially in world where absurdity and cynical humor is so popular, but i am very sincere. even though i make jokerman jokes sometimes, even in my writing, tinglers are not supposed to be funny as a concept. if you laugh at them that is TOTALLY OKAY i understand this way when confronted with something out of the box but that is not the point of them at all. the point is that LOVE IS REAL for everyone (there are other points but that is a broad one)
now on to why i trot my trot in this way. first off is to protect my privacy this is simple enough. when i talk on son jon or sweet barbara or any other way i am adding a layer of secrets by changing names or relations or towns but that is just a fancy outfit for the real truth. i am NOT creating a character, i am protecting myself.
second and more important is that when i TALK IN MY UNIQUE WAY i am expressing myself without masking, which is something old chuck does every single day out there in the world as someone on the autism spectrum. i am VERY GOOD AT MASKING you would probably not know chuck was autistic when talking to me unless you were a close bud. but unfortunately this masking way creates very real tension in my body. i have trotted with CHRONIC PAIN for most of my life heading to emergency rooms where kind and handsome t-rex doctors could not figure out what the heck was goin on. basically LIVED in the dang emergency room. eventually chuck learned i carried my body TOO TIGHT from masking all the time, but what i realized is that allowing myself a space to type freely without way of punctuation or other restrictions and LETTING MY HEART SING to just be myself without masking made this tension release. pain started going away. GRAND IRONY of course is that when im trotting as chuck i wear a pink mask to take off my OTHER MASK of a neurotypical bud.
that is why i protect my way of speaking freely as well. if someone says 'well you need to talk like this right now' i stand tall and say NO BUD THIS IS MY SPACE AND I WILL EXPRESS MYSELF IN THIS WAY AND YOU AN TROT ON IF YOU WANT. this is firm boundary for me and my health.
anyway buckaroo to sum that up again: yes i am one person and this is not a bit
if you want to know more about my way on the autism spectrum i wrote a tingler about how it feels to have others say you are 'playing a character' and not actually neurodivergent. i think tumblr buds might enjoy so i will add it down here LOVE IS REAL thank you for your question
NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DOUBT IN MY PLACE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM BECAUSE DENYING SOMEONE'S PERSONAL JOURNEY AND IDENTITY LIKE THAT IS INCREDIBLY RUDE SO NO THANKS
#chuck tingle#character#neruodivergent#masking#autism#autism spectrum#tingleverse#love is real#tingler#good talks with buds#buckaroo lifestyle
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Sugary sweet | LN4 x Piastri!Reader
Words: 2420
Warnings: diabetes, passing out, hospital
Note: I am not diabetic myself but one of my close family members is, so I wrote this off of how it is for them. I do know that it can be different for everyone and please tell me if I got something completely wrong 🙏
Part 2
Lando theoretically knew that it was wrong to have a crush on his teammates sister. He knew that he should not hope for her to be at every race. He knew that it could destroy the friendship he had build with the young Aussi. But Lando could not help but admire Olivia Piastri, the twin sister of his teammate Oscar Piastri. The young girl was an engineering student and did an internship at McLaren, following their engineers and learning directly from them. The first time Lando met the young girl was at testing in Bahrain, where he also found out that she was Oscar’s sister. Both Piastri twins were rather quiet and introverted but Oscar was the more extroverted one even if not by much. Olivia only seemed to really talk when it was about the car and the engineering side of it. She barely chatted with others but instead watched what was happening around her. He mostly sees her when she is shadowing Andrew Jarvis or Will Joseph at race weekends. He tried to make conversation with her but always got interrupted by eighter an engineer, his coach or Oscar.
The Miami GP was the first time Lando got the chance to really talk to the young girl. It was a shitty race for both drivers and the mood in the garage was not too good. Everyone tried to figure out a way to improve the car for the next race in about twenty days. “How is the team treading you?”, Lando asked Olivia as he joined her to take a look at the data. Confused did the girl turn her head to the brit, looking at him with wide eyes. “Are you talking to me?”, she asked, her voice quiet. “Yeah, there is no one else here. So how is everyone treading you?”, Lando joked and repeated his question while leaning against the counter. “Good…everyone is nice to me.”, the girl admitted with flustered cheeks. “Good to hear that. What do you say to the data?”, “The wear on the tire is a bit much and the aerodynamics are also not too good.”, she said quietly. Looking at the data and recalling the race Lando agreed completely with her. They talked a little more about the car and data before Lando lead the conversation a little bit more to personal stuff. To her own surprise did Olivia felt pretty comfortable talking to Lando. Sure she also felt pretty flustered every time he looked at her but she just hoped he would not notice that. “Liv! Where are you?”, Oscar’s voice interrupted the two as he walked up to them. “I am here, Osc.”, the girl told her brother who looked his teammate up and down, trying to see what he was planning. “We are supposed to eat together, remember?”, he told his sister who nodded. Saying goodbye to the brit the twins left.
“How is your sugar? You seem a bit sweaty.”, Oscar asked his sister as soon as they were out of hearing from Lando. “I am fine. A bit high but I am going to correct once we are in the car.”, Olivia told her brother after scanning the small sensor that was hidden by her papaya shirt, with her phone. “How high?”, “232 mg/dL. But like I said I am going to correct it as soon as we are in the car.”, she told her brother but he was not satisfied. “That is pretty high. Why did you not correct it earlier?”, “Osc, my pump broke and I have to correct manually so I had not the time to do so. I am fine, stop worrying.”, the girl told her older brother by twenty minutes. Grumbling something Oscar accepted the answer and lead his sister out of the paddock. He had tried to get her to tell the team about her diabetes but the girl refused. She hated it when people asked her questions about it or treated her different. She also did not want to appear weak, as it was hard enough for a girl in this industry. Being disabled would not help to be taken as serious as a man, so she kept it to herself. It worked out well for now. No one knew, aside form Oscar of course.
As the race in Imola was cancelled due to flooding did McLaren call every one into the factory to try and solve the problems from Miami. The engineers worked their asses off to try and find solutions. Olivia was there the entire time, helping the engineers and learning from their work. They worked for hours on end when Olivia forgot to check up on her sugar levels. She already knew she was low. The fogginess in her brain and the feeling of being dizzy told her that she was in fact very low. But she could not go right now. They were going over the data with Lando and Zack right now. She tried to listen to what everyone was saying when her vision got cloudy. Right as she wanted to say something to Lando did her speech give up. “Lan…”, was all she got out before passing out. Panicked the brit caught her before she could hit her head on the floor. “What the fuck?”, Zack asked and ordered someone to get Oscar as well as calling an ambulance. Laying her down Lando kept her head in his lap, trying to wake her up. “Did she say anything about being not well?”, Zack asked the engineers she had been following. “No, everything was fine. She seemed tired but we all are so we thought nothing about it. Plus you know how quiet she is.”, one told Zack who nodded. Not long after did a panicked Oscar ran into the room. “What happened?”, he asked and kneeled down next to his sister and Lando. “She just passed out.”, Lando told his teammate, nodding Oscar asked, “Where is her phone?”. Looking around Zack found it on the table behind them. Handing it to Oscar, everyone watched the Aussi as he unlocked it and held it against her arm. A beep appeared before Oscar cursed. “What is going on, Oscar?”, Lando asked, worried about the girl he was holding onto his lap. “My sister is diabetic. Her blood sugar dropped very low, that’s why she is passed out.”, Oscar explained and Lando as well as everyone else was quite shocked to learn this. “Why has she not said a word about it?”, Zack asked the Aussi right as the paramedics walked in. “She wants to be taken seriously and worried that she would not be seen as serious if anyone knew about this.”, he explained and then explained to the paramedics what was going on. They gave her an emergency glucose shot and checked her sugars while waiting for the glucose to work. After about fifteen long minutes did Olivia regain her consciousness. “It is okay. Everything is fine.”, Oscar told his sister as she was still disorientated and unable to form words. Together with Oscar did the paramedics took her to the nearest hospital to monitor her and make sure she does not drop this low again. Lando followed them close behind as he could not stop worrying about the girl. “You like her.”, Zack noticed as his young driver was about to get into his car. “Who?”, “Olivia, you like her.”, Zack repeated. Looking at his boss the brit was unsure what to say. “Go and see her. OH, and Lando, tell her.”, Zack laughed before returning into the factory.
Oscar was not surprised to see Lando walking into his sister’s hospital room. She was asleep and stable right now. Her sugar level slowly getting higher. “How is she doing?”, Lando carefully asked. “She is doing fine. Her sugar is getting higher. Come sit down, she should wake up in a bit.”, Oscar said and patted the chair next to his. “I still don’t understand how this happened.”, Lando admitted, blaming himself for not noticing anything. “She most likely forgot to eat anything while working as well as checking her levels. So she slowly got lower and lower.”, Oscar explained, knowing how focused his sister could get. The two were living together as they went together to boarding school and then also moved together after. “And how did she not notice anything earlier or someone else?”, “She can get very low and still function some times, so it is very hard to tell from the outside. Especially if you don’t know. She most likely knew that she was low but thought she could make it a bit longer.”, “How low was she?”, Lando asked, curious. He did not knew a lot about diabetes but wanted to learn as much as he could. Thinking Oscar said, “Under fifty for sure. Her sensor just said low so it had to be below that. I would guess around 30. Maybe a little lower or higher.”.
After what felt like an eternity for Lando, did Olivia woke up. “Where am I?”, she groaned and sat up a little, now noticing the brunette sitting next to her brother. “In the hospital. You passed out from being low. Again.”, Oscar kind of scolded her, but the truth was that he was always worried about her and her wellbeing. Nodding the young girl tried to remember what happened exactly. “Please tell me I did not pass out in front of Zack and all engineers? Please, Osc.”, she whined, remembering where she was and what she had been doing as she passed out. “I am sorry but you did. I am going to get you some food and a nurse.”, he claimed and left his teammate and sister alone to talk. “You freaked me out, Pastry.”, Lando stated, making the girl blush. “I am sorry. I did not plan this.”, she mumbled, feeling a lot more shy as she was alone with Lando. “I think you also freaked out everyone else. But how are you feeling?”, Lando said and sat down next to her, where Oscar used to sit. “I am better. I should have taken care of my sugar level earlier. It is embarrassing to end up in the hospital because of this. Even more passing out in front of my boss. Do you think Zack will fire me?”, she now panicked. Chuckling at her panic Lando took her hand in his and calmed her down, “Zack wont fire you. No one is going to take you less serious now. Everything is good, love.”. Heat rushed into her cheeks as she heard that nickname. “Thank you, Lando.”, she whispered and looked at him. His eyes were beautiful as well as the little smirk he wore on his lips. “Do you like what you see, love?”, Lando teased her, leaning closer. As she turned her head to avoid his piercing look did his warm, big hand cup her cheek. Turning her head to him. Tension grew as they both slowly leaned into each other. Like magnets. Lando did the last step and closed the gap between them. Connecting their lips in a kiss. Slow at first to give her the chance to back out. To his surprise did she not back out but instead grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer. His hand was in her hair by now, holding her close to him. “What the actual fuck!?”, someone yelled, making the two jump apart. Lando almost fell off the chair as he turned to the door. There stood Oscar. A tray with food in his hand and a giggling nurse behind him. “Osc…I…we…”, Olivia stuttered completely flustered. Lando on the other hand tried his best not to giggle. The girl he had the biggest crush on just kissed him back so his ego was a little blown up. “I think I need to bleach my eyes out.”, Oscar stated dramatically as he put down the food next to his sister on the table. To everyone’s luck did the nurse intertwine, “Miss Piastri how are you feeling? I assume better?”, “Yeah…I feel better.”, Olivia said and bit her lip to try not to blush even more. “I am glad to hear this. We are going to check your sugar level one last time before we let you go.”, the nurse said and tested the sugar level one more time. It was almost completely back to normal. “Okay, we are going to keep you for about an other hour and then you are free to go home.”, the nurse said and left the three alone.
The hour was the longest in Olivia’s life. To say that it was awkward to sit in the room with your crush, who just kissed you and your brother who walked into said kiss when they were teammates was not the most fun. In hopes of help did she even text her mother. But due to the time difference did she not answer her. “Can we please address this? Or I am dropping again due to anxiety.”, Olivia finally said. Both boys looked at each other before looking at her. “Do you have serious intentions with my sister?”, Oscar asked Lando. It was not what Olivia had expected Oscar to say but it was a start. “I do. I really like her.”, Lando told him, in a tone Olivia did not knew from him. it was very serious and not a hint of sassiness in it. letting out a very long and overly dramatic sigh did Oscar say, “Fine. I will not say anything against this if my sister really likes you, what I think as she kissed you, but the moment you hurt her will I push you into the wall with my car. Now if you excuse me. I still need to bleach my eyes.”. With a kiss on the forehead did Oscar left Olivia alone with Lando. “So we both like each other. How about I take you out on a date? We can go out as soon as you are free to go.”, Lando said excited. Smiling a little Olivia took his hand telling him, “I would love to go on a date with you but I think I don’t have the energy to go out right now. How about we stay in and maybe watch a movie or something like that? Or game?”, “You game?”, Lando asked surprised. Feeling a little shy again she admitted, “A little but not on stream or anything.”.
Part 2
#formula 1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 fanfiction#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#ln4#ln4 x reader#ln4 x you#ln4 fic#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x you#f1 x own character#f1 fiction#f1#f1 x oc
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You know how in some lewd stories they have those pills that can change or corrupt people? I need those to become real because I’m stuck with a thought that I just can’t get out of my head.
Getting just the cutest little thing as a roommate. Befriending them. Gaining their trust. Hanging out with them. And then…well, slipping some of those into their food and drink. Not enough to give them an overnight change, where’s the fun in that? No, just enough for small changes here and there that their mind will rationalize away until it's too late~
Increased libido? That’s not too hard to explain away, some people's sex drives tend to ramp up or slow down for various reasons. So it’s not too hard for them to accept when they find themselves masturbating as the first thing when they wake up and the last thing before going to bed. Granted, they’re suddenly wanting more but…well, that could just be anything. Definitely not caused by the cookies I made them~
The changes to their body? Well that's easy enough at first. Sometimes people gain a bit of weight, or clothes shrink in the wash. That has to be the reason those jeans seem to be clinging a bit more, hugging their hips, barely able to get up over their ass. And they have been going to the gym…maybe its just finally seeing the results of the work out? As for their chest…well its just more sensitive it all. Could really be anything. Probably not that fresh horchata I made them~
The changes keep coming. Any rational person would've probably scheduled a check up to find the cause. And they meant to do that, honestly! Its just…their focus has been preoccupied recently. It started off with just finding themselves occasionally day dreaming about lewd things. Being forced to their knees and made to worship a domme. What it would be like if their friends lost all respect for them as a person and started to use them like a free use toy. How good it would feel to not have to think but instead just be the bestest little pet, spending their day under the desk of someone who does the thinking and worrying for them as they fill their day with loyal service to that person.
But its been taking up more of their brainpower. The last few times when they meant to make the call they got distracted when they opened their phone and saw the smutty story they had been touching themselves to earlier…and, well…spend the next few hours playing with themselves. Similar thing happened when they tried to do it on the computer. They meant to type in the website! But as they started it auto suggested a porn site and…gods way they would give to get fucked like that.
Poor thing being forced to wear less and less as they run out of clothes that genuinely fit anymore. Thinking they're being subtle about how drooly they'll get mid conversation. That the walls are thick enough that I can't hear them desperately fucking their holes raw on toys they rushed to order.
Until I give them the final pill. One that pushes them into a deep heat. Full strength, not the careful doses I used with the other drugs. Watching them drink it down without even realizing, laughing to myself when they rush to their bedroom to “study”. Letting them go for a few hours, long enough for them to realize that need deep inside them isn't getting satisfied with their fingers or toys. They need something more. Something real.
And of course, like the good friend I am, I offer to help them out. Wouldn't want them to try to rush out in their state. There are so many evil people out there who might take advantage of them and their trust! I wouldn't want that now, would I~?
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Happy late Halloween. I hope you guys enjoy this Halloween special. Aaron miller is my favorite fitness influencer and always want to use him in story’s but always want to save him for something good. I ended up saying fuck it and writing the below. Let me know if you like it!
ROOMMATE CLONESTUME (Halloween Special)
You would think having a fitness influencer as a college roommate would be like winning the lottery. Being able to see pieces of eye candy almost every day, almost practically shirtless all the time, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. You see Aaron Miller was your typical douchebag straight jock bro behind the camera. Always calling me fag but always saying he’s just joking and I need to toughen up. Of course, you would never catch him like that on camera, always playing like the fun-loving jock goofball. Thankfully he’s leaving tonight to go to some stupid Halloween party at the frat house.
“Yo fag! How do I look” I hear his voice call from the living room
“Fucking hot right! All the chicks are gonna be all over me begging from some of this Miller cock” he said while smirking and flexing in front of the full-length mirror in the living room
“Yeah I’m sure they will Aaron” I reply while rolling my eyes and begging he would leave soon.
“You know some other frat across campus invited me to their Halloween but I already promised my bro I’m going to Alpha Omegas party. Feel free to accept my invite”
"I think I'm good, I got to finish my term paper but I guess thanks" I replied thinking it weird why he would think I would somehow fit in at a frat party
“Well, bro the invite is in my room and feel free to use last year's costume.. might be a bit big haha. Anyway gotta go before the good Pus gets taken” Aaron said taking one last pic for his IG story and heading out
“Thank god, I can finally work on my paper,” I said heading to my room. I walk by Aaron’s room and notice his door ever so slightly open. I ended up looking in and seeing a paper which I assumed was the invite lying on his messy bed next to what seemed to be the black Spiderman suit he wore last year for Halloween.
“Wow, did he really think I was gonna put that on” I say as I continue to walk further into the room the scent of stale gym clothes and musky axe cologne lingered in the air.
As I get closer to the bed I keep looking back and forth from the costume and the letter. I don’t know why but I ended up grabbing the costume something about it was calling me. The silky satin feeling of the spandex with the scent of stain sweat and beer, most likely from last year's party. “Maybe I should try it on” I whisper under my breath.
I start to undress myself in Aaron’s room until I’m standing in just my briefs. I look around feeling kinda risqué in his room half naked, but something felt right about putting this one. I slowly start to unzip the costume looking into the dark interior. As I started to put on the costume I could immediately tell it was quite a few sizes too big and especially since Aaron had worn it previously certain areas were stretched out more than usual. I slowly start to pull the costume up my body as I get halfway to putting it on something feels wrong
“No no why am I doing this I need to work on my paper” I say snapping out of the hazy confusion but as soon as I try to take off the suit I knew something was wrong
“What the fuck” The rest of the suit starts to climb up my slim body and sticking to any skin it touches. I tried to remove it, but the suit just snapped back almost like a second skin. “STOP” I scream as it continues to travel upwards my body covering all the way up until it reaches my neck. I soon hear the noise of a zipper closing and a cold feeling riding up my back. I immediately reached backwards trying to catch the self-moving zipper before it closed all the way, but I was too late as soon as I grabbed the zipper head I felt it disappear from my hand as the suit started to close up leaving no seam behind.
“What the fuck is this, how does this happen” I continue trying to take off the suit but it just gets tighter and tighter until a moment where I lose control. “What..” my body starts to move slowly by itself it feels like I lost control of anything the suit has encompassed. I start to move towards Aaron’s nightstand, grab the remote to his TV and turn it on. I was immediately blasted with the audio and imagined Aaron almost like he was starting off one of his annoying Instagram videos.
“What is going on PEEEOPLES! Or should I say fag” he said chuckling to himself at the uncreative nickname he has bestowed upon me.
“WHAT THE FUCK AARON WHAT IS THIS” I scream at the tv as my body stands still disobeying my mind.
“ you’re probably going “what the fuck Aaron?” or some shit like that but no bother bro, this is all recorded. No one to help you now haha. You see I was tired of having some fuck ass roommate that I couldn’t share anything with so I looked online and found this powder with some special powers. I sprinkled it on my old costume and all I had to do was wait for the next person to wear it. I knew you would be tempted. I mean who couldn’t” he says as he flexes his bicep.
“So anyways, I got invited to this banger party and said yes but some other frat also invited me to theirs and like fuck I couldn’t be in two places at once. So I thought and figure maybe you’ll like to go but couldn’t have some loser gay fag representing me so I decided you needed a small makeover. That special powder is gonna make you into me and you won’t even remember ever being your faggy little self. So hope you enjoy the party bro and remember the party is not complete till a girl gets bred.” And with that the TV shut off but before I could react something went over my head shutting my eyes
“Fuck fuck get this off of me” I say noticing that it was a mask probably to complete the stupid Spider-Man costume.
Soon the changes started to happen I felt the suit tighten but at the same time expand. It first started with my feet growing to a large size 14. The changes travelled upwards as my calfs and thighs started to expand giving me tree trunks for legs. I knew I wouldn’t be able to fit in any of my pants anymore. Soon I felt a pain in my stomach like I was kicked by a boxer
“UGH FUCK” I say as I fall on my knees. While I couldn’t see anything under the suit I knew abs started to form one by one leaving an impressive six-pack behind. As I looked down I started to see my chest push out. Creating a shelf right under my head. Two massive pecs now jutted out of my body and now I had to make an effort if I wanted to see any part of my body below my pecs.
The change travelled outwards as the suit forced me to do a double bicep pose typical of what I see Aaron do when he’s back from the gym. Soon my biceps and triceps started to expand like crazy. My muscles became sore as they grew to match his arms exactly.
Lastly, the feeling travelled up to my face and I felt the muscles crack inside my skull and the fat draining from my cheeks. I was screaming in agony until the pain suddenly left.
My body Finally fell down to the ground like a puppet dropped by its owner. I slowly get up and start to remove the mask and notice the zipper has reappeared. I zip the costume just until it hits my waist. My body was sweating from the changes and I needed to know what happened.
I knew Aaron had a mirror in his closet and ran to the door to open it. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was seeing…
An exact copy of him was standing right in the mirror.
“No no, this can’t be… I can’t be him” I say panicking not recognizing my own body in front of me. I tried to figure out what I could do to change back and started to run to my room, but as soon as I reached the door to exit, I came to a sudden halt.
I looked down which was difficult trying to see over these massive pecs and realised I still had the costume on. My eyes widened as my legs started to walk me back to his desk and force me to sit down. I tried to fight back but to no use. I was losing control… soon my arm started to move toward the computer and turning it on
“No wait, stop please” I scream at my unresponsive body but it continued to move on its own.
As the computer turns on a pre-loaded video comes along with it...
YOU ARE AARON MILLER
“NO NO STOP” I scream realizing it was hypnosis
Clips of Aaron flexing and pictures of his body invade the screen between phrases.
YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AARON
FLEX
JOCK
MUSCLE
My eyes started to become glued to the screen against my will. I tried to resist but I couldn’t. Soon I noticed my arms moving again. They move downwards and started to push the costume lower until *pop* my cock bounces out.
“No… please let me go,” I say as the arm reaches for my dick and starts to jack it off slowly at first.
JOCK
BRO
Soon the images changed. More of Aaron joking around with his friends, drinking, partying and working out. Videos of him fucking and breeding girls always started to appear. I knew some of them from school
BRO
DUDE
BREED
Soon the jacking off started to pick up speed as more and more of the hypnosis and reprogramming started to settle in. My brain was trying to fight a losing battle. I was able to gain a small amount of control to see my cock as I noticed it starting to expand. Slowly it lengthened from its original 5 inches hard …. 6…7….8 until I reached a mighty 9 inches. My hand started to lose grip as the girth also started to grow almost not allowing me to fully encompass the cock with one hand. Next, I felt my balls change they started to lower until they fell into a pouch inside the costume that no doubt used to be where the original Aaron had his. They grew larger as my moans started to overshadow the video. I felt a kick in the balls as I knew my old cum was being eaten by the new alpha cum Aaron produces
“Pls… uhhh… stop this” I say with the last residuals of will I had as my arm continued jacking my new cock until it reached near orgasm
“No….”
BREED
“Pls…”
JOCK
“I don’t”
YOU ARE
“Want thi….”
AARON MILLER
“FUUUUUUUCK”
I cum all over my body and my room as I snap out of the horny daze
“Fuck that was good. Now gotta get to that fucking party before someone takes all the good puss”
I get up from the desk and shuffle over to my closet to grab a used cum towel and wipe myself off.
I grab the costume from my waist and pull it all the way up zipping the costume as well. I smirk in the mirror knowing all the chicks are gonna want some of this Miller cock.
The original Aaron’s plan worked perfectly. He now had a complete copy of himself running around breeding and partying. He finally had someone he could share everything with, himself! Of course, people asked questions but he just said it was his twin brother.
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What does it mean to be a diaper slut?
Hello there Anon and thank you for this question. Reclaiming the word and label of slut is a passion of mine, so I’m excited to talk more about this!
For me, the term slut means an empowered person who uses their sexuality and eagerness to play in promiscuity with ethical boundaries and impassioned joy to share love and create more joy around them. I choose to share my body with those who care for it and who view it with respect and lust for exactly who I am…a slut. I ask you to look at my body, to see my diaper, and invite you to get aroused. I think sharing my body in this way helps others to find joy and self love within, which in turn does the same for me.
I believe that my vocation on this Earth is to share my love and to share my body. In doing so I help others to heal, I help others to feel loved, I help others to accept themselves and their kinks, I help others to cum and feel good in their bodies, I help others to love themselves. This is a beautiful gift. When I say that I am a slut, this is the term I use and identify with in order to live and share myself in this way.
I freely give people permission to call me a slut. That does not mean I give permission to disrespect me or otherwise interact with me in a manner beyond our current relationship. And this also does not give people permission to call anyone else a slut, unless they communicate that desire and give permission to do so.
I prefer the term diaper slut when talking within an abdl context. I don’t really identify as adult baby nor as a diaper lover. Rather, I’m a diaper slut. I like to wear and use my diapers as an act of submission and for the enjoyment of peeing myself and feeling wet. I feel sexy and turned on in diapers, and so they mostly hold a sexual space for me. Although I wear 24/7, that doesn’t mean I’m aroused all of the time, but there is a low-level current of sexual energy underlying my days. Because I’m 24/7 as part of my 24/7 submission, I have a button to press which excites me and may arouse me at anytime. I’m always reminded of my place while wearing diapers, which allows me to connect to my body and to my Daddy/Dom all day long.
I am a slut. I am a diaper slut. And I am proud and happy to be so. Slut: this empowering term has helped to guide my path to living a most authentic life.✨
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Taste of his own medicine (Adam x Lucifer’s wife! Reader)
Y’all really love Adam huh? Well, he’s growing on me aswell…
I can 100% see myself making this into a mini series with a few more parts were they actually fall in love, so, if y’all want that let me know because I’ll write it
Look I write Adam two ways, a dickhead prick or a man who’s still that but needs a hug (and imma give it to him.)
How’s y/n gonna get out of these the next morning? Who fucking knows :)
Word count: 3357
Warnings: smut, p n v sex, cheating, guilt from cheating, rough sex, demon Adam, Lucifer not being over Lilith, Adam straight up using Y/N for revenge, manipulation, dry humping/ grinding , misogyny, filming of sex, chocking (he just grabs the reader throat for a moment not really choking but still.), breeding kink, Adam bring Adam
⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧
No ones POV:
Y/N and Lucifer were… “happily” married. Y/N wasn’t happy as she was, after many years of being together, she was still second place to his ex wife Lilith, even with her leaving him. So because of this the two were nearly always fighting over it, so due to this she spent a lot of time at the newly rebuilt Hazbin hotel.
That’s were she met Adam, first man and a fall angel from the last extermination that attempted to kill both Charlie and Lucifer, it was an interesting sight to see the once cocky angel that wore pearly white and pure gold now dawning crimson red and black, but, this still cocky personality. Y/N didn’t truly care and didn’t want to give him the time of day like any of the other patrons of the hotel, until Charlie spoke to her.
“You want me to what?” Y/N asked dumb founded my what she just said. “Be his friend!” She said clearly nervous but trying to put on her happy face, sweat dripping from her brow. “Absolutely not.” Y/N was quick to say in response only for Charlie to grab her shoulders, “oh come on please!,” she said practically begging, wide, “no one is giving him a fair shot at redemption and that starts with forgiveness! I know he did bad things but he can change and that starts with a friend… pretty please Y/N.” She finally finished saying her puppy dog eyes on, pleading. Y/N looked at her eyes before letting out a heavy sigh.
“…fine I’ll do it”
And with that a “friendship” grew, Y/N was the first to forgive Adam for his actions and treat him like a person, Which Adam happily accepted. During any part of exercises that involve two people it was Always Y/N and Adam in a pair. After many of these Y/M actually started to enjoy his company, Adam also seen to enjoy hers…but that only what it seemed
Adams true intentions with Y/N was to get revenge, revenge on Lucifer for stealing his first two wives, and Y/N was the key to that revenge…he just needed a way in. Adam was happy to accept her invitation of friendship, it was the perfect way to find the weak point to her, worm his way in. He’d be lying if he didn’t thing Y/N was down right gorgeous. Adam truly thought she had a perfect body and face with E/C eyes that could light up a room and a not to bad personality, he needed to find a way in and one night he found it…
Adam came down the large stairs of the hotel were the main entrance, parlor and entrance to the kitchen sat to get a drink. It was nearly 3 AM and the whole hotel stood still and silent, but something was off, he looked over to see the fire place still burning and seeing Y/N sitting on one of the sofas with her face in her hands. Adam confused, why were they here this late? He walked over to the other end of the couch from where Y/N sat, he could hear soft sobbing from her. This was the perfect opportunity…
“Hey are you good babes?” He asked her leaning on the sofa. Y/N jumped from my voice clearly not expecting someone, their head turn to Adam’s black and reddish eyes. Y/N once E/C eyes were stained red with wet tear in them and staining her cheeks. “Hey what’s up?” He as sitting on the sofa a little away from her, Y/N looked at him quietly for a moment as they wiped her tears, “it’s nothing Adam..” she said softly to him. Adam rolled his eyes softly “I’m not fucking dumb,” he started to say as you he moved a little closer. “ your crying in the middle of the night and your at the hotel this later, you never are, now what’s up.” Y/N looked a little surprised before sighing at sitting up straight to compose herself. “It’s just…” they paused for a moment depending on if she should continue “Mr and Lucifer got into another fight..” she said as she fought off a few tears.
Adam looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “about what?” He asked, actually curious. Y/N laughed softly before turning to face him “your ex..” she said jokingly, poking up at why she’d upset. Adam smiled and rolled his eyes going along with the joke “oh yeah? Which one? Ex wife #1 or ex wife #2?” He asked letting out a low laugh. “The first one..” Y/N said seeming to be safe again, dragged back to reality. Adam turned to face her body more “ok tell me what happened..” Y/N looked at him pretty much deflected, “You wouldn’t get it..” she said softly. Adam let out a laugh, “I wouldn’t get it, me?” He asked as he laughed out. “You forget my ex wife Lilith cheated on my with your now husband, so I think I can understand.” He said as he laughed which did make Y/N smile and think, maybe she wasn’t alone..
“Well..” she started before her eyes moved to the fire a few feet away. “Lucifer is still In love with Lilith even though were married..he still wears the wedding band from their marriage too…” Y/N said defeated by the whole situation. Y/N “so I came here to get away from him for the night, I just can’t be around him right now..” Y/N said wiping away her stray tears. Adam looked at her, he decided to shoot his shot.
“You know you don’t deserve that right?” He said asking genuinely, scooting over to him.. “of course I do,” Y/N said sounding matter of fact in her statement, “but there’s not much I can do, can’t really leave him or make him change.” Y/n said rolling her eyes. Adams eyes widen, Turning to look at her. “You want to divorce him?” Adam ask, shocked. Y/M eyes widen realizing their words looking back at him. “I mean…if Lilith never left I for sure wouldn’t be here..” they said avoiding his black eyes, “so yeah I guess I do..”
Adam saw this as an opening, he reached over to take her hand in his, hold her small hands as he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. Y/N eyes widen at his action her eyes shooting up at meet his. “You know,” Adam started, a smile growing on it. “I can’t help you..I could treat you better than he does.” He said moving for his whole body to face hers. “He truly doesn’t see how beautiful and perfect you really are..” Adam said to her moving closer. Y/N eyes moved between his eyes and their hands intertwined, “we shouldn’t do this..” she said said softly yet she didn’t move an inch away from him, Adam saw this as a sign. “Why shouldn’t we?” Adam asked his eye brow risen up, Y/N opened his mouth only for Adam to speak up again. “And don’t say because you’re married because you’re married to Lucifer because he slept with two married women.”
Y/N neared those words and stayed quiet, she knew he was right, Lucifer did steal both his wives, he knew what it felt like. Y/N was quiet for a moment more before squeezing his hand softly. “I don’t wanna hurt me..” Y/N said softly.. “but it’s ok for him to hurt you over and over again?” Y/N eyes met his, this times hers were watered up, Adam moved closer, his legs touching hers, “let me show you how much your really worth…” as those words left his mouth his lips met hers. Y/N eyes widen at kiss, she knew it was wrong but it felt right…
Y/N soon began to kiss back, wrapping her arms around his neck. Adam was quick to pull her onto his lap, both of her legs on both sides of him as their kiss deepen. Adams hands moved down to her hips forcing her body to arch forward and press against his body, the sudden motion made Y/N moan into the hot kiss. The sounds of Y/N pretty moans and her body press again him was already making his cock harden beneath her. Y/N felt his bulge rub against her clothed crotch, she gasped as the feeling of him.
Adam could feel her moved to get comfortable on her bulge, but with every movement rubbing against her, Adam knew he needed more of this, more of her. Adams grip tighten around her hips and he pressed her down on the visible bulge, the feeling of the friction made both of them moan in the kiss, Y/N almost lost all control and she softly grind on him. Adam was a little shocked by this action, “Damn she really does want this..” the thought to himself and helped guide her body as she grinds onto him, after a moment of the grinding, Y/N finally moved away her lips from his.
Y/N panted softly her E/C eyes meeting the deep black eyes. “We shouldn’t do this here..” Y/N said softly, her glistening eyes with anticipation. Adam could help but smirk as he pick Y/N up “just hold on a few minutes..” Adam said before moving quietly to the stairs. Y/N’s arms were wrapped around his neck, she felt a pit form in her stomach, she knew this was wrong but it felt so, so right. Soon they reached Adams room, thank god it was away from everyone else’s. As the entered the room, he kick closed the door before throwing Y/N onto the bed. Y/N gasp feeling her body hit the bed hard. As Y/N was getting over the shock of being thrown, Y/M felt her legs get spread and Adam get between them and he smashes her lips on his, Y/N kissed back desperately, craving the feeling he was giving her
Adams hands quickly finding the hem of her shirt, ripping it off, making Y/N moan. Adam pulled away from the kiss, A string of saliva connecting the two, his eyes moved between her bra and her eyes, “I need to hear that again..” Adam said as he used is claw to cut her bra off. Y/N gasp as her boobs were not exposed to him, Adam couldn’t help but lick his lips as he moves his head down taking one of her nipples in his mouth. Y/N moaned at his tongue playing with her nipple, her hands tangled in his hair. Adam bite her skin softly making her moan louder. Adam loved the sounds of her pretty little moans. He removed his mouth licking the wound, he wanted to mark her up, “you like that baby?” Adam asked her as he teased her. “Fuck yes..” Y/N said with a moan, Adam slipped his hand into her pants feeling the wet fabric of her panties and snickered, “look like someone’s excited..” as he nearly ripped her pants pulling them down.
Y/N watched as he removed her pants, she was now completely exposed to him besides the panties that were still on. Adam loved the sight before him, Y/N, Lucifer’s wife layed before him, surrounded by her tattered clothes and wore panties all wet, all for him. Admiring this view an idea popped in his head, he reached in his pocket and grabbed his phone, snapping a quick photo with Y/N, he needed this moment memorized. After he with swift ease tore her panties off, exposing her wetness to the cold air. Y/N moaned quietly at the crisp air, closing her eyes shut before feeling his hands connect with her hips, fulling her forward.
Her eyes shot open to see his rob gone discarded on the floor. He was on the bigger side but it was perfectly, he felt perfect against her. Against her wet pussy she could feel him bulge up against her. Adam heard her moans and smiled wickedly holding her hips still so she couldn’t move, “Aw you like that? You like the feeling of me already?” He said in a teasing tone, as he softly humped she wet pussy. Y/N moaned nearly begging for more, Adam had to admit he needed her, now. He grabbed her throat, feeling her swallow and moan quietly. He leans down to her ear “Be a good girl and beg and I might give you what you want…” he said in a whisper, Y/N whimpered out for him. Adam smiled, his hand moving to her chi holding it moving to meet her E/C eyes with his, “Use your words. Beg.” He said, sounding more of demand than asking. Y/N was quick to do so, “Please Adam..” she moaned out to him, “I need you please..”
“What do you need baby..?” He asked teasingly, his hands roamed downwards, reaching her clit rubbing his thumb over it. Feeling him touch her clit, Y/N let out a louder moan, shaking from the pleasure. “I need you to fuck me..” Y/N said, sounding
Like a beg. Adam was happy to abide her request. He removed his hand from her pelvis making her whimpering from the lack of pleasure, “you wanna see why they call me ‘dickmaster’?” Adam said. Y/N’s eyes watched at as he pulled down his pants along with his boxers.
Y/N eyes widened, he was huge! He was girthy and about 6.5 inches, he was a little shorter then Lucifer but much girthier, Y/N felt her core ache at the sight. Adam couldn’t help but laugh softly at her physical reaction, he loved how desperate she was. Adam took his tip and began to rub it between Y/N’s wet folds, causing her to whimper at the teasing. “Aww, look at you, already much a mess and we haven’t even started..” Adam said as he continued to tease her hole.”Please Adam..Please.” Y/N said, arching her hips forward making his cock press deeper into her. Adam grabbed her hips, looming over her “since you’ve been so good..” Adam said as he pushed in her.
Y/N moan out back arching feeling him stretch her out l, Y/N was quick to wrap her arms around his neck. Adam continued to push inside her tight hole, causing her to moan. Adam groaned as he felt her walls grip around him, “fuck your tight..” he said as stated still for a moment, loving the feeling of her warmth before be pulled nearly the whole cock out, leaving just the tip in before thrusting hard back into her. The hard thrust caused Y/N to moan loudly as Adam didn’t slow down this thrust. Y/N’s moaned loudly with each thrust, her nails dug into his skin.
Adam watched as Y/N watched face contorted into a moaning mess, completely overwhelmed by the pleasure, Adam smiled wide “look at you,” Adam said teasingly as he thrusted hard into wet pussy, “such a funking whore, begging to be fucked by me...” He said between groans, as he leaned down, his larger body pressed against her, his large hands never Y/N’s hips and he bit down on her neck, his teeth sinking into her skin making her bleed. Y/N was a moaning mess, face flushed eyes clouded with pleasure. Adam could taste metallicness of her sweet blood as he continued to thrust, he pulled back seeing the deep bit mark dripping blood, Adam smiled at the sight. “Look at the mess you are, letting me mark you up, mark you as my cock-sleeve,” Adam said as he speed up his thrust.
Y/N felt a pit start to form at the feeling of his thrust speeding up, Adam licked the bite mark before speak, “tell me who you belong to..” Adam said in a low voice. Y/N continued to moan and plead, Adam moved down and bit her shoulder, Making her yelp from the paint. As Adam removed his mouth from the fresh wound he asked again, “tell me,” he said as he grabbed her legs spreading them further apart, allowing his cock deeper access to her sweet tight cunt, “Who do you belong to slut?” He said, demanding an answer. “You!” Y/N said almost immediately between moans, Adam smiled “are you my little slut?” He ask teasingly.
“Full yes Adam fuck..” Y/N moans were not slurred. Adam pounded away fearfully, “That’s fucking right.” He said as he started to chase him own release, one of his hands was quick to move to her H/L H/C, taking a fist full and pulling it making her back arch, she moans becoming near screams of pleasure, thank god Adams room was isolated. “Admit it,” Adam said as he licked your bit wounds, “I fuck the better then that bastard you call a husband.” Y/N whimpered at his remark. Adam yanked her hair more causing her to scream out again, “Say it bitch, say it.” He said as he pounded more and more.
“Fuck Adam you’re better!” Y/N said between gasps for air and moans, tears peaking her eyes, “you’re so much better please don’t stop! Please! Please! Please!” Y/N screamed out feeling the pit in her stomach about to burst. Adam felt her walls tighten around him make him groan a long fuck as he removed his hand free from her hair. Adam wrapping his arms under hers, pulling her deep putting them both in a mating press. “I fucking own you, you hear me? I’m the best cock You’ll ever fucking have.” He said fucking her balls deep. “You gonna take every drop of my seed, gonna fuck a baby into you show everyone who you really belong too..” As those words left his mouth, Y/N moans slurred speech, her walls tightening even more around her.
Adam let out a dark laugh at the physical reaction, “Aw does the little whore wanna get knocked up? You wanna carry my baby, letting everyone know you’re mine?” He asked almost mockingly as he pounded, after a few more thrust Y/N’s knot came undone making her bodily nearly go limp as her orgasm took over making her let out an animalistic moan. Feeling her warm release around his aching cock, he couldn’t hold it anymore, after one more thrust he buried himself balls deep into her pussy, filling her up, groaning into her neck.
The room as hot, sweaty and filled with the aroma of sex and desires. After what felt like an eternity, Adam pulled out of her making her groan at the new empty feeling. Y/N body layed lump on his bed and he layed next to her panting. Adams dark eyes moved over to Y/N body, it was glistening in sweet her body shaking, but he couldn’t help but notice a smile on her face. Adam watched them lay there breathing heavily. After a moment Adam pulled her in close, pulling her on top of him, “your mine you hear me?” Adam said softly into her hair, Y/N with no energy left hummed is agreement before fall asleep. Adam layed there holding her close, feeling sleep take over his body he couldn’t help but think to himself. This might have been an act of revenge but he wanted more but alas, that’s tomorrow’s problem…
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#x reader#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel x you#fanfic#hazbin hotel smut#hazbin adam#adam x you#hazbin hotel adam#adam x reader#adam smut
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Short and Sweet
Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x Reader
Word Count: 853
Warnings: Best friend’s brother— is that a warning? This is just a short lil thing for Valentine’s Day
A/N: The poem and response in this came from Thomas Richardson’s “Gentleman’s Valentine Writer” which wasn’t actually published until 1828 but I needed ideas, okay? Also, I wrote this when Bridgerton was still the lead in the poll lol
Living beside the Bridgerton household had many advantages. Being close in age to Daphne gave you the perfect excuse to spend time with her. However, spending time with Daphne meant also spending time with the rest of her family, which allowed you to form a close bond with them all. One Bridgerton in particular being Benedict.
Benedict was a few years older than you, but within a perfectly reasonable range that made it acceptable for you to fancy him. How could you not? He was sweet and sensitive, but he had a playful side that brought joy any time you were fortunate enough to witness it. Although, you never dared to dream that Benedict might return your affections. You were the best friend of his younger sister, surely he would not think of you in that way.
Initially, you had been excited to be presented before the queen and sent out into society. But while Daphne had been deemed the season's incomparable, you had fallen into her shadow. You were happy to see your friend receive many visitors and gifts, but some days it would hurt to see a line of men outside her door while you waited in an empty sitting room.
Waking on Valentine's Day brought nothing but sorrow. It was only one month into the social season and you already felt that you were destined to become an old spinster. With no prospective husbands in sight, you would likely have to face a second season. You did not expect that you would receive any callers that day, yet you waited in your sitting room in a fine dress, as you did every other day. Your mother sat in a chair at the far end of the room, leisurely reading until something would happen.
Early into the day, your butler entered the room with a calling card in hand, "A Mister Bridgerton is here to call upon Miss Y/L/N."
"Send him in," You replied, feeling your chest constrict. It was possible that one of Daphne's brothers had come to pass along a message for her, but a gentleman visiting while you were accepting callers still brought you a shred of hope.
Moments later, you saw Benedict step through the doorway, holding something behind his back. He smiled, "I see I have gotten here before the rest."
You returned his smile, nervous, yet calmed by his presence. "I think you will find that the gentlemen are coming to your door today, not mine."
"Then they are fools and I am lucky to have you all to myself."
"What can I do for you, Benedict? I find it hard to believe you would be here as a suitor." You spoke the words in jest, but felt your throat tighten as you said them all the same.
Benedict's smile fell into confusion, "What is so hard to believe about that?"
Taken aback by the genuine confusion in his tone, you clarified, "I only mean to say that I would not have expected it."
"If that is the case, I hope that you find this to be a good surprise," For just a moment, you heard a bit of nerves in his voice as he tried to present a confident image. "Unfortunately, I cannot stay long. But I wanted to bring you these and to officially declare my affection."
Finally, Benedict moved the hand behind his back to reveal a beautiful bouquet of morning glory and myrtle. You smiled wide at the sight, "Thank you, Benedict. They're lovely."
Shortly after, Benedict had to take his leave, although he promised to come back the following day. Once he had left, you reached for a book on the language of flowers. You found that morning glories are used to represent affection, meanwhile myrtle is used to represent love and marriage. Learning that brought a blush to your cheeks, finding the meaning to be a little bold, but not unpleasant.
It was then that you noticed a small folded piece of parchment beside the flowers. When you unfolded the paper, you could see the painted design done in watercolors. A man and a woman stood beneath a tree, which was situated between a lovely cottage and a church. The image was small, but you could tell that the couple was you and Benedict. On the other side of the parchment was a simple note.
I boast not eloquence, dear Miss,
Nor do I write exceedingly fine;
Therefore, I bluntly ask you this--
Pray, will you be my Valentine?
As you looked down at the note, you felt your heart swell. You held it close to your chest, feeling as if you could burst from happiness at any moment. Your mother then looked up from her book. "What is that, dear?"
"It is nothing!" You responded quickly. Luckily, your mother did not push the issue further.
That night, you folded the note once more and placed it in the drawer of the nightstand beside your bed. As you attempted to fall asleep, all you could think of was that you could not wait to see Benedict again.
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#nel writes#benedict bridgerton#benedict bridgerton x reader#bridgerton x reader#bridgerton#bridgerton fanfiction#bridgerton fanfic#benedict bridgerton fanfiction#benedict bridgerton fanfic
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