But Who Could Love Me? (Rimmer X Reader) - Chapter 2

A/N: ..........👀

Warnings: Eh not really

Summary: Pretty much just giving Rimmer the love he deserves ☺️

It was no surprise that your new found friendship with Rimmer lead to teasing and wind ups from the rest of the crew but you being you, you took it on the chin. Something Rimmer admired you for.

“So let me get this straight? You’re friends with Rimmer now?” Lister asked, mischief in his voice.

“Is that a problem?” You replied, your eyes not leaving the book in front of you.

“No no...” Lister paused for a second “It’s just a bit weird”

“Well I am weird Listy!” You looked up with a smile.

“Ain’t that the truth” Lister laughed as you stood up “Where is his royal smegness anyway?”

“Working which is more than I can say for you Lister!” You smirked before flicking Listers nose and leaving the room.

“Ow you smegger!” You heard him shout after you.

You knew without putting too much thought into it where Rimmer would be, after all someone had to make sure Red Dwarf was running smoothly and headed in the right direction ...although he may not have been the best choice.

“Good Afternoon” You smiled as you walked into the Dwarfs navigation room, Rimmer quietly making his way through the book he was borrowing from you “Enjoying the book?”

“Well I was until they brought in a love storyline” Rimmer screwed up his nose “What’s wrong with a having a good story without love?”

“Is love really that bad?” You laughed a little as Rimmer’s eyes met you with a dead stare “Anyway...”

“What brings you here?” Rimmer asked putting the book down, maintaining friendships was always a challenge.

“Here, the dumb snack dispenser chucked out two bars when I only paid for one” You smiled as you placed the extra chocolate bar down next to the book followed by some almost inaudible jabbering from the snack machine just outside the door “Now it’s giving me back chat”

You’re little escapade with the snack dispenser brought a small smile to Rimmer’s lips as he let out a soft laugh while the snack machine outside continue to lose it.

“Hey buddy, you chucked out two snacks instead of one not me” You shouted out of the door at the machine.

“You didn’t have to take the second one” The snack machine was clearly up for a fight.

“Shut it or I will unplug you!” You threatened the machine as Rimmer laughed behind you “Am I really about to throw punches with a snack machine?”

“Apparently so” Rimmer smiled, still tickled by your snack fight.

“Well if it keeps you smiling” You shrugged with a smile “So what’s the plan for today?”

“I ...erm ...no plan yet” Rimmer stuttered, it would honestly be a miracle for him to accept your kindness without almost having a full blown panic attack.

“Ok well give me a shout if anything changes, there’s a few things Kryten wants me to take a look at” You smiled as you went to leave.

“Erm I’ve been meaning to ask ...what exactly is it that you do?” Rimmer was generally curious as you had never confirmed exactly what your position on your old ship was but you also couldn’t help but feel that Rimmer also didn’t want you to leave just yet.

“I’m an engineer” You smiled leaning against the door frame.

“What kind of engineer? Snack machines? Drink machines?” Before Rimmer wouldn’t even look at you and now here he is trying to hold a full conversation.

“An engineer engineer, I’m trained to fix anything that’s broken”

“C-can I help?” Rimmer asked innocently.

“I’m sure there’s a chicken soup dispenser that needs fixing somewhere” You smiled with a wink “Come on”

Rimmer didn’t know whether to groan and glare or smile and laugh at your dig, settling with a playful glare and a soft ‘you little smeg’ as you made your way to Kryten.

“So where do you need me to start Krytes?” You asked the mechanoid enjoying mopping the floors of the ship far more than anyone ever should.

“Oh of course, this way ma’am” It was only then when Kryten looked up from the floor he was cleaning that he realized that you wasn’t alone “Excuse me ma’am but are you aware Mr Rimmer is standing behind you?”

“Yes Kryten, he’s going to help me” You laughed as Kryten pulled a face of worry “Don’t worry it’ll be fine Krytes”

“Yes of course, this way” Kryten walked on a head.

“Bloody gimboid!” Rimmer muttered.

“Lister corrupted him, you know he can’t help it” You smiled as Rimmer’s shoulders relaxed and all tension left his body, you clearly had a stronger affect on him than you thought.

“Don’t you need tools?” Rimmer asked, noting your lack of a tool box or trolley.

“Who needs tools when we’ve got Kryten” You smiled as you patted the droid on the shoulder “He is basically a walking multi-tool ...no offense Krytes”

“None taken ma’am ...you are technically correct” Kryten gave you a smile only a droid can give.

“Let’s get fixing shall we?” And with that you took off to fix the many, many issues on Red Dwarf.

A few hours later and you were joined, in Rimmer’s eyes, by an unwanted visitor. Despite working away behind a soup dispenser you knew exactly who it is was without looking.

“What’s going on here then?” You could tell Lister was grinning, making a clear point about you and Rimmer working together “See we don’t even need to set it up anymore”

“Set what up?” Rimmer asked completely blind to what the boys had really been up to the moment you glitched to the ship.

“Just ignore him” You grumbled from behind the dispenser, rattling a pipe “Hey Arnie? Could you move the dispenser nozzle over for me please?”

“Ok” Rimmer replied quick and short as he did as you asked, apart from Kryten as soon as you were joined by either of the remaining crew Rimmer would instantly withdraw, almost too scared to even speak incase Lister would pick him apart or even worse he’d upset you., after all the filter between his brain and his mouth was faulty and he was much more aware of it with you around.

“Perfect!” You smiled at Rimmer from behind the machine as you triggered the machines cleaning system, a projectile wave of old chicken soup chunks covering Lister “Well that might explain why it wasn’t working?”

“YOU BLOODY SMEGHEADS!” Lister stormed off in a huff, presumably to the nearest shower.

“Have fun!” You called down the corridor after him as Rimmer broke into laughter “Two can play that game Listy!”

“Was that actually the problem with it?” Rimmer asked referring to the machine.

“Oh no, as soon as he opened his mouth I thought you know what would make him look better? Old chicken soup chunks!” You laughed as Rimmer looked at you almost in awe.

“You’re perfect” Rimmer let slip as he laughed, catching himself almost instantly attempting to covering it up.

“Arnold?” You replied surprised, for Rimmer that was the last thing you were expecting to escape his mouth.

“The prank!” He stuttered “I meant the prank was perfect”

“Come on, Kryten will almost be ready with dinner” You smiled, sparing Rimmer from more embarrassment than he was already feeling as his cheeks flushed a light shade of pink “I’m starving”

“Erm you’re a hologram, holograms don’t eat?” Rimmer pointed out, his smile slowly returning.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t feel hunger, let’s go!” You smiled as you walked off ahead, a soft chuckle from Rimmer travelled down the corridor.

Arriving back at the crews quarters The Cat and Lister were already digging into their dinner, the usual vindaloo.

“Your dinner ma’am” Kryten smiled as he placed the pasta dish down in front of you.

“Thanks Krytes, it looks great” You grinned at your plate.

“See Listy, I told you other food existed besides vindaloo curry” Rimmer grinned as he sat down at the table continuing on with his book from earlier earning a not so subtle groan from Lister.

“Hey pretty lady” Cat scooted his chair over to you, fluttering his eyelashes.

“Don’t even think about it” The Cat had made it his mission since you got here to try and ‘win you over’ but no matter how many times you turned him down he was reluctant to give up.

“Oh come on” Cat tried again, you noticed Rimmer watching you from the side of his vision behind his book.

“You need to back off before all 9 of your lives flash before your eyes” You said sternly enough that he eventually moved back.

“Obviously you’re not interested in the Cat or Kryten ...so what about me?” Lister looked up from his plate with the devil in his eyes.

“Why has my love life suddenly became topic of discussion?” You sighed as you tried to continue eating, Rimmer had completely stopped reading as he hid behind his book.

“Well would you?” Lister pushed a little more.

“I wouldn’t no” You replied bluntly as a grin formed on Listers face.

“What about Rimmer?” You choked on your pasta as the words left Listers mouth, Rimmer completely frozen behind his book.

“Just because there is a woman on your ship doesn’t mean one of you has to sleep with her?” You shouted as you dropped your fork, a loud clang radiating through the room as the metal hit the plate.

“It’s just hypothetical, you don’t have to date any of us” Lister pointed out.

“Lister shut up!” Rimmer growled, sensing your anger.

“Damn right I don’t” You stood up in a huff “Why do men never think with their brain?”

And with that you stormed out, leaving your dinner unfinished and you not quite sure where you were storming off too.

Realizing the only place you could really escape without being bothered was your room. Asking Holly to lock the door before throwing yourself in your bunk. It’s times like this that made you glad you chose to have your own quarters. Who knows what kind of hell would ensue if you hadn’t? You knew in their minds the boys probably didn’t mean it to be harmless but you weren’t standing for it ...and for that matter neither was Rimmer, it wasn’t much but he did try and get Lister to stop.

After losing yourself in a book for a couple hours you decided to go hunt down a snack machine, after all you had abandoned your dinner earlier. It would be your luck though that you didn’t have enough money on you, your foul mood insisting you take a hit on the snack machine but before you could an arm in a blue sleeve appeared over your shoulder to place a coin into the slot.

“Here” Rimmer said softly but still managing to scare the life out of you ...well metaphorically.

“Bloody hell” You grumbled as you held your chest, you maybe a hologram but holograms could still have heart attacks.

“Sorry I didn’t meant to...” Rimmer panicked.

“It’s fine and thank you, you didn’t have to do that” You managed a smile as your snack hit the bottom of the machine.

“Sorry about earlier” Rimmer’s eyes shot to the floor.

“It wasn’t your fault Arnie?” You looked at him a little sad, he didn’t do anything wrong and yet he was still taking the blame “Please don’t blame yourself”

“If you want I can get Kryten to make you another dinner...” Rimmer started to blabber “It’s not a problem”

“Arnie it’s fine” You smiled, placing your hand on his shoulder and feeling him instantly relax.

“The boys are having a game night, if you want to join?” Rimmer asked

“Erm I think I’ll pass this time” You spoke softly “I’m not really in the mood”

“Yeah me neither ...I best get going though” Rimmer turned to leave.

“You know you don’t have to go to game night...” You hesitated to see if he’d pick up on where you were going.

“What?” Rimmer froze, as far as he was concerned he was dreaming and he’d wake up any moment.

“You’re more than welcome to keep me company for the evening... if you want?” You smiled as Rimmer mulled over your offer “Come on”

You couldn’t help but smile at the sound of the footsteps behind you, pleased that Rimmer had chose the option that would make him happy and instead of going with what everyone else was doing so he didn’t feel left out. Rimmer had only seen your quarters from the door as you swapped over books for him, this time he was actually inside, looking around and taking in all of his surroundings.

“Excuse me while I change” You said calmly.

“Wait what?” Rimmer panicked, completely forgetting in that moment that you were a hologram and only focusing on the ‘change’ part of your sentence.

“Comfies please Hol!” You asked the computer as your blue uniform changed to leggings and an oversized jumper “Ah much better ...maybe you should try changing into something comfier?”

“I don’t think I have anything like that?” Rimmer spoke quietly, you were clearly distracting him.

“Holly, find some comfy clothes for Rimmer please?” You asked Holly again.

“Don’t look!” Rimmer exclaimed.

“What?” You laughed.

“I’m know I’m a hologram but don’t look while I change” Rimmer chuckled.

“Alright fine I won’t look” You laughed as you covered your eyes “Go on Holly!”

“Oh god this feels weird” Rimmer looked over his new clothes, black jogging bottoms and a blue jumper and even you couldn’t deny how soft and sweet he looked as he stood in front of you confused.

“Good weird?” You smiled as you sat down on your bunk.

“Too soon to say” Rimmer was completely occupied by what he was wearing to notice you had sat down.

“Hey Holly, is there anything new to watch?” You asked as Rimmer stood next to your bunk “Well sit down then”

“Are you sure?” It was clear he was nervous, it had been a really long time since he’d had any interaction with the opposite sex and even when he was alive it wasn’t something he was particularly experienced with.

“Yes” You laughed softly as you patted the spot next to you gently “Please sit down”

“You know if the others find us they’ll rinse us?” Rimmer sat down next you cautiously, as far he was concerned this was all some sort of elaborate joke and you were going to walk away or tell him to leave.

“Oh I have a plan don’t worry” You smiled as you looked over at the screen “Holly?”

“Yes Y/N?” Holly replied.

“Could you make sure the door is locked please? ...oh and see if you can get one of the scutters to bring up some snacks too please?” You made your demand, a sweet but nervous smile lighting up Rimmer’s face.

“Bob should be up in a few minutes, shall I tell him to leave your delivery outside the door?” Holly asked.

“You know the drill Hol!” You grinned.

“Something tells me you’ve done this before?” Rimmer raised his eyebrow, his hands resting in his lap.

“Well I need an escape from the rest of you sometimes you know” You teased “Well the other 3 anyway”

“You chose me over them?” Rimmer looked at you confused as the scutter tapped the door outside.

“I suppose I did” You smiled as you went to retrieve the delivery, turning back round to see a smug and rather pleased smile on Rimmer’s face “Hey no need to be a smug git ...or I might have to start calling you Ace?”

“Oi?” Rimmer shot you a glare as you sat back down.

“I’m joking” You laughed a little, picking up the chocolate bar Rimmer had got you earlier, breaking it in half and offering it to him “Here...”

“Erm thanks” Rimmer smiled as he took the offer.

“You’re welcome ...Holly start the film!” You asked the computer and that was it.

From that moment on movie night with Rimmer became a regular thing, you had both agreed not to speak a word to anyone else. After all you didn’t want everyone invading your space and for Rimmer, although he would never admit, he didn’t want to share you with anyone else. Arnold Rimmer was starting to feel something he’d never really felt before.

Girls in Love, Chapter 1 (Viopearlax) - Grey Darling

A/N: Hello friends! It's been a while lol. Anyway, here's the first chapter of my new Viopearlax fic, in which useless lesbian Pearl must navigate the perilous landscape of polyamorous romance while trying desperately not to lose it altogether. This is mostly just setting the scene - things are gonna get shippy in the next chapter. Special thanks to @dollalpaca for beta-ing this literal centuries ago. Hope you all enjoy!

“I’m getting married.”

Pearl almost choked on her water. “I’m sorry. You’re what?”

When Scarlet had asked Pearl out to dinner that night, Pearl had assumed it was just for a catch up. She hadn’t seen her little sister for ages, so of course she’d jumped at the opportunity when Scarlet had messaged her that morning. All she’d expected was banter, a good laugh at all the stupid shit they used to do when they were kids; the last thing Pearl anticipated was for her baby sister to tell her she was getting married, while Pearl herself was struggling to get someone to go out with her on more than one date. Wasn’t the older sister supposed to find their soulmate first?

But Scarlet was beaming. “I’m getting married!”

“Since when? Jesus, Scarlet, I didn’t even know you were dating anyone.”

“You so do!” Scarlet retorted, pouting. “You literally met her last year.”

“I did? Who the hell was it?” At this point, Pearl had no idea whether to be angry or just confused. “I mean, seriously, Scarlet, you’re what, twenty? Twenty one? You’ve got shitloads of time before you need to make any big decisions like that. This isn’t the kind of thing you can just decide to do on a whim.”

Scarlet stared down at her half-empty plate, tugging at her bottom lip with her teeth. When she spoke, she was quiet. “I thought you’d be happy for me…”

“I am- I mean- I don’t know.” Pearl slumped back in her chair. “I just… I think you’re a little young, that’s all. Give it a bit longer with this guy, maybe a year or two. If you’re still into him by then, then by all means, tie the knot. But-”

“She isn’t a guy, Pearl. She’s a she.” Clearly upset, she stabbed into a piece of pasta with force. “I thought you knew I liked girls?”

“I do.”

“So why’d you assume she was a guy?”

“I don’t know! I’m not exactly in the greatest headspace right now, Scarlet. Fine, you’re engaged to a girl you barely know-”

“I do know her! And I’m in love with her!”

By now, it felt as though the entire restaurant was staring at them. Pearl shot Scarlet a narrow eyed look. “Can you keep it down?”

“No! I thought you’d be happy for me, but I guess that’s just too fucking much for you. I was gonna ask you to be one of my bridesmaids, but if you’re gonna be such a bitch about it I’ll ask someone else!”

Pearl sighed heavily, squeezing her eyes shut. By the time she opened them again, Scarlet was pushing her chair out from the table, the harsh scraping of wood against wood just making everything feel worse. “Wait, Scarlet-”

“I’m done. Good fucking night.”

Pearl just watched as her little sister stormed out of the restaurant, clearly not intending to pay for their meal judging by the way she breezed past the counter without so much as a glance. Well, this wasn’t how she wanted this meal to end.

Pearl knew she was right. She knew that Scarlet was way too young to be getting married, and she highly doubted Scarlet had known this girl long enough to make a serious commitment. If Pearl couldn’t even guess who this fiance was, it was a bad sign—if something important happened to Scarlet, Pearl was always the first to know about it. Surely if she’d met the girl of her dreams, Pearl would’ve received at least five essay length texts about her by now. But she hadn’t, and that made Pearl incredibly suspicious.

At the same time, she absolutely hated the idea of her little sister being mad at her. From the moment Scarlet was born, she and Pearl were as thick as thieves, and any argument they ever had was always resolved ten minutes later, both of them sobbing and apologising profusely to each other. But somehow, Pearl knew she’d overstepped the line this time, and that it would take a lot longer than ten minutes to win Scarlet’s forgiveness. And frankly, that made her feel sick.

Sighing, Pearl hailed the waiter, deciding that a stiff drink was in order.

***

“She still hasn’t texted you back?”

“Nope.”

“Shit. You must have really pissed her off.”

Pearl groaned, turning around to softly bang her head against the metal surface of Katya’s all American Russian food truck. It was a place Pearl would often go to for wise counsel and sage advice, although often the hardest part was figuring out where Katya had parked the damn thing. Katya herself, who’d been one of Pearl’s best friends since she moved to the city, reached through the window of her truck to pat Pearl on the head.

“There, there.”

Pearl glanced up at her with a glare, not in the mood for half-assed comfort. Katya raised her hands in mock surrender.

“Sorry! What do you want me to say?”

Letting out yet another groan, Pearl turned back around to lean with her back against the truck. “I don’t know. Can you tell me I’m not a massive bitch?”

“Ok. You’re not a massive bitch.”

Somehow, it didn’t sound as comforting as Pearl thought it would. But then again, she’d imagined it coming out of Scarlet’s mouth, not Katya’s. “Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re just a bit of a sour puss today, aren’t you?” Katya started rearranging the various condiments she had adorning the window of the truck, not having much else to do since the lunch rush had come and gone. “Or are you just having an existential crisis?”

“Probably the last one. I just feel conflicted, Kat.”

“Right.”

“I want to feel happy for her, but I’m also worried about her. Does that make sense?”

“Yep.”

“Good. So I’m not going crazy.”

Katya thought for a moment before responding. “I don’t think anyone would think you’re going crazy. You’re worried about your sister getting married when she’s like, still at college. Why wouldn’t you be?”

“But you should’ve seen her last night. She looked like I murdered her puppy or something.”

“I mean, by the sounds of it you did stomp all over her romantic dreams.”

“Oh, fuck off, I did not.”

Katya chuckled, bringing out that bright, toothy grin of hers. It was usually infectious, but not today. Pearl was inoculated with guilt. “Well, would it make you feel better if you met the person she’s getting hitched to?”

“I mean, I’m trying to convince her to meet up with me again, and I’ve told her she can bring her girlfriend - uh, fiance. But she isn’t replying. I’m literally blowing up her phone and getting fuck all in return.”

“Hmm. It’s a tricky one. Maybe she just needs time to cool off?”

“Maybe. I just don’t want to wait - I want to be friends with her again.”

Katya pursed her lips before reaching her hand out. “Gimme your phone, I wanna see what you said.”

“Katya, I’m not giving you my phone.”

“Come on! I wanna see if you’re being apologetic enough.” When it was clear Pearl wasn’t going to relent, Katya pushed harder. “Trix says I’m really great at being a warm and friendly person, y’know. Maybe I could write you a really good apology.”

Pearl shook her head. “That’s not happening.”

“Aw, why not?”

“Because I’ve fucked up enough as it is. I’m not going to be that disingenuous to let someone else apologise for me. If Scarlet finds out about that, it’ll just make things worse.”

“You’ve got a point. Well, I guess you’re just doomed to wait it out.”

“Fuck…”

Just as the curse left her mouth, Pearl’s phone pinged. Katya’s eyes widened as Pearl scrambled to grab her phone out from the pocket of her jeans. It had to be a reply from Scarlet, it couldn’t be anything else. Somehow, she must have subconsciously known how much Pearl was beating herself up over their disastrous dinner the night before and felt the need to text her and reconcile. That was how the universe worked, right?

Pearl grabbed her phone, Katya leaning out of the window so she could see the screen. Almost nervous, Pearl tapped on the home button, lighting up the screen and revealing the text she was so desperate to see.

SHEA: Can you fill in for my shift tonight? Not feeling too hot. Thanks!!

*** Being the good friend that she was, Pearl did fill in for Shea’s shift that night. No, spending an extra seven hours at the dodgy bar she worked at wasn’t exactly what Pearl wanted to be doing, but at the very least it would take her mind off of Scarlet.

Or at least, she thought it would.

No matter how many cluttered trays of drinks she was made to serve, she kept on replaying her and Scarlet’s argument in her head again and again, the sense of guilt almost too much for her. Every single female customer she served had her wondering - is that the girl my sister’s getting married to? She knew it was a ridiculous thought. Scarlet would rather die than spend a second with the lowlifes that frequented the bar, but that didn’t stop Pearl from worrying about it.

Maybe she should’ve just been a good sister and supported Scarlet’s idea to get married. It wouldn’t have been that hard, right? She didn’t have to go all responsible, killjoy big sister on her and crush her romantic dreams. Scarlet was old enough to make her own mistakes, right? And who even knew whether or not this marriage would be a mistake? Maybe Pearl was just being paranoid?

These were the kind of thoughts that plagued her the entire night. She’d arrived at work at 8pm, all decked out in her skanky waitress uniform, hoping that work would take her mind off of her current crisis. But there she was, three hours later, hiding out in the break room because she just couldn’t calm down about it. Did that make her a bad worker? Yes - her break wasn’t for another hour. But she’d be no good to anyone if she spilled a tray of drinks all over a customer because she was too distracted by the image of Scarlet crying her eyes out to look where she was going.

Scrolling through all the text messages she’d sent to Scarlet, Pearl began to second guess what she thought had been perfectly acceptable apologies.

PEARL: I’m sorry about last night. Can we meet up and talk about it?

PEARL: I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just worried. Sorry again - let me know if you’re free to meet up?

PEARL: I’m sorry, Scarlet. Please text back.

PEARL: I could shout dinner? We could get Indian takeout and talk this over. Like adults.

PEARL: You could bring your girlfriend? I want to meet her.

PEARL: Sorry. I was a bitch last night. Please text me back?

And still no reply. Maybe Pearl would be able to get by on the theory that Scarlet had lost her phone, or was out of credit or something. But she didn’t believe any of that for a second - she knew perfectly well Scarlet was pissed at her and not answering her texts for that very reason. It was silly to try and assume otherwise.

“Pearl? Pearl, where the- Oh my god, could you please go back upstairs?” Pearl looked up as one of the other waitresses poked her head into the break room, her full lips shaped into a defined frown. “We’re dying out there, there’s so many people.”

“Sorry, Aja, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Yeah, and I’m probably gonna get my assed handed to me by dozens of impatient customers. Get your ass up here already!” With that, Aja was gone, her summons impossible to ignore.

Sighing, Pearl quickly checked her makeup in the mirror, straightened her dress, and stepped back out into the bar.

***

It should be illegal to make people work past two am. Pearl trudged into her tiny, cupboard sized apartment, head pounding from an unpleasant mix of not enough water and not enough sleep. At the very least, her daydreams (nightdreams?) about her bed and a nice, cool glass of water had distracted her from the Scarlet issue. So that was a small blessing.

Pearl flicked the light on as she arrived, wincing as the brightness made her headache even worse. She didn’t hate her apartment - it was tiny and under heated, sure, but there was space for a bed, a little kitchenette, a small bathroom off to the side, and her favourite bean bag chair. Plus, it had an amazing view of the city, something Pearl wasn’t planning on complaining about. Her artistic sensibilities had told her that if she didn’t get that view, she’d never forgive herself. She had to constantly remind herself about how great the view was when she was freezing her ass off in winter and would kill for a well heated apartment.

Making a beeline for the kitchenette, Pearl turned on the tap and poured herself a glass of water. It felt like magic as the water passed through her lips; the sticky, dry feeling in her throat vanishing in an instant. It even made her head feel a little better, although the brightness of the light cancelled out any progress on remedying it completely. You win some, you lose some, Pearl supposed.

After a second glass of water, Pearl didn’t even bother getting out of her uniform before collapsing into bed, dragging the duvet covers up to her chin and snuggling down into comfort. She was more than ready to drift off when she realised that she still needed to plug her phone in to charge. So, without making any effort to get out of bed, Pearl reached for her bag and pulled it towards her, digging her phone out from amongst the other items that cluttered it - wallet, pack of tissues, a worrying amount of receipts from Katya’s food truck. It was as she stuck the charger into her phone that the screen lit up, revealing a notification that made Pearl’s heart skip a beat.

It was a text from Scarlet.

Thoroughly jolted awake, Pearl scrambled to sit up and open the text, her thumbs impatiently tapping the screen as she waited for it to open. She bit her lip once it did, her wide eyes reading the text with more concentration than she’d ever read anything before.

SCARLET: Starbucks at 12. I’m bringing Yvie.

Wolfstar!!

I wanted to challenge myself, so I found a Tumblr prompt challenge. Today’s prompt is a selfie together, so without further ado....... Here it is!!!

(8:37) Padfoot: Prongs

(8:37) Padfoot: JAMES

(8:37) Padfoot: JAMESSSSS

(8:38) Padfoot: James I need your help. I’m hiding out in the bathroom. I’m royally messing up my date

(8:39) Padfoot: I really like this guy

(8:39) Prongs: Padfoot calm down

(8:40) Padfoot: I CANT. I CANT MESS THIS ONE UP

(8:40) Prongs: What happened?

(8:42) Padfoot: I was late and then when our drinks came I spilled wine on him. Luckily he was really chill about it but it was sooooooooooooooo embarrassing. And I tried to talk and eat at the same time and I ended up choking so he had to give me the Heimlich. I’m really messing up and idk what to do :(((

(8:43) Prongs: Okay 1. Breathe 2. Move on. 3. Talk to him about it and make it up to him. There’s a carnival not too far from you guys. Take him there maybe

(8:44) Padfoot: …… that’s actually good …. Thanks Jamie!!

(8:44) Prongs: Don’t call me Jamie….now get back to your date

(8:44) Padfoot: ok..ttyl

His date, Remus Lupin, worked by at the university library. The two had run into each other when Sirius needed help finding a book. They arranged a date, and that was the date that Sirius was currently hiding during. From the moment Sirius saw him, he knew that this one was special. Remus was tall, like really really tall. He was also thin which made him look a little lanky, but his features made up for it. He had gorgeous amber eyes that had specks of brown and gold mixed in, and they were wise and carefree. His hair was many different shades of light brown with bouncy curls that cutely framed his face. He also had freckles EVERYWHERE scattered all over his skin. Remus had a few visible scars on his arms and face, which made him more intriguing and mysterious. And that was just the beginning of all of Sirius’s observations.

“You can do this,” Sirius told himself as he splashed his face with water. After taking a deep breath, Sirius walked back to his table with his head held high. He spotted the other at the table. Remus appeared to be lost in thought, but he was alert the second he made eye contact with Sirius.

“Are you alright? You were in there for a while,” Remus softly told Sirius.

Sirius took a deep breath and said, “I’m really sorry for messing this up. I really tried, but like a lot of things, I messed it up. I was late and then I spilled the wine on you. Then you had to save me from choking on my pasta, and-”

Sirius was interrupted from his rant by Remus’s laughter It wasn’t a cruel laugh. It was more amused than anything. Once he had calmed down a bit, he spoke, “Sirius, you didn’t mess up anything at all. I really didn’t care about you being late because I was too. The wine was a complete accident and so was the choking. Sure some parts of it weren’t ideal, but it made for the most interesting date I’ve ever been on. Honestly I would have been more put out if you weren’t interesting...there’s just something about you and…..I really like you.” Remus finished shyly.

Sirius couldn’t think of anything to say, so he just gently grabbed Remus’s hand and smiled contently. Then he remembered what James had said.

“Hey, I know how to make it up to you. There’s a carnival not too far. Do you want to go, or should we call it a night?” Sirius asked.

A smile broke out on Remus’s face which made his dimples visible. “A carnival sounds great.”

Sure enough, they paid and made their way to the carnival a few streets down from the restaurant,just as James had said. They bought some tickets and debated what to do.

“I bet you can’t win the bear,” Remus challenged.

Sirius dramatically scoffed. “Why my dearest Remus, How dare you doubt my skills. I am amazing at these games. I shall prove myself and win that bear.”

30 minutes later found Remus laughing hysterically at the fact that Sirius couldn’t win the bear. “Don’t laugh at me,” Sirius pouted, but he was secretly enjoying himself. He loved Remus’s laugh and would do anything to hear it again. After a few more tries, Sirius FINALLY won the bear.

“See I told you I could win the bear. On the first try too,” Sirius jokingly said. Remus snorted at that.

They continued to walk around and play some more carnival games. They went on a few of the rides too which resulted in Sirius puking up the pasta he had for dinner. They shared so many laughs and overall had a great time at the carnival. Right before Sirius was ready to call it a night, Remus said, “How about we conclude the night with the ferris wheel?” Sirius agreed and they were on their way.

They were both having a fun time on the ferris wheel talking about life, and while they were at the top, the ferris wheel suddenly stopped. All its lights turned off and it didn’t move. It was announced that there were technical difficulties that would take a little while to fix. Neither Sirius or Remus minded much, and they contently sat and soaked in the presence of the other.

“Sirius,” Remus said, which shook Sirius out of his thoughts. “Thank you for tonight. It was absolutely wonderful. I hope you also had a good time.”

Sirius smiled warmly and replied, “Really now, I should be thanking you for dealing with my sorry ass. In all honesty I greatly enjoyed this date, and I hope we can have a second one.” The last sentence came out as more of a question, but Remus understood anyways.

“It’s a date,” Remus replied as he laid his head on Sirius’s shoulder. Both men were on cloud 9 like this.

They sat there for a few minutes, then Sirius spoke, “I think we should take a moment to commemorate this moment.” Remus removed his head from Sirius’s shoulder and stared at him in confusion. Only once Sirius had pulled out his phone and opened to the camera did Remus understand. Sirius turned his head and gave Remus a kiss as he snapped the picture. Many selfies were taken, but that first one said it all.

The night ended with the picture of Sirius kissing a blushing and laughing Remus. It was the start of a beautiful relationship.

Hope you like it :)

home again- b.h (part 5)

Ben Hardy X OC

word count: 1k

home again playlist (ben)

home again playlist (ches)

Summary: Ches tells Emily whats been going on with Ben and later sees Babe at the supermarket.

Disclaimers: This plot and characters are fictional (excluding Ben) and from my own mind. In no way does the Ben in this story portray Ben in real life. Grammar and spelling errors. 

May 21

These damn birds.

Every morning the same two birds fly onto the balcony off to the side of my bedroom, coincidentally right next to my bed, and chirp. It’s like they want to annoy me because every time I get up they just stop.

Conversation ended. Just like that.

My god.

I flip over and sigh, not wanting to get up. After I rub my eyes for a good 20 seconds I reach for my phone. Clicking it I expected to see a message from my mother but what I actually saw was one from Ben.

“Hey, thanks for having me over. Call me when you see this? X”

 I call Emily instead.

“Hey stranger, where’ve you been?”

“Here in my bed, thank goodness we have off today.”

“I know. So. Let’s get right to the point then shall we? How has it been having Ben around again? I was shocked when he came to see you the other day.”

No cutting corners with Emily. Ever.

“Yeah… it’s been nice.”

“Ok… elaborate.”

“Well he ended up coming back to my flat-”

“Oh my gosh you did not! Shut up tell me everything-” Emily gasps and starts to yell.

“Emily no! It was not like that psycho. We came back and ate, that was it.”

“Boring. How was dinner with your family, I’m still mad you never told me about that bitch.”

“It was fine.” I lie.

“I can tell you’re holding back. I’m not stupid you know”

Jeez, she can even read me over the phone.

“We did get into it a couple of times…” I say in a small voice.

“Francesca, are you serious, about what? Why didn’t you call me immediately after? What right does this guy have to just waltz back-”

“Alright Em, I know. I was pissed too, but it’s over with.” I’m quick to shut her down, I really don’t want her to get worked up. Or call him out. 

“I just told him how it hurt to see him out there living the high life and not even getting a call back. He understood though, and made me see from his perspective. No hurt feelings, seems like a win to me. But, well I don’t know. It got kind of weird last night…”

“Why?”

“I just- well I don’t know. He started to bring up that client I had, Barnett, and I don’t know, he seemed jealous? I don’t want to sound full of myself. But it was there, I could feel the shift in the conversation, it got nasty. Unless he was just fooling around and I got into my own head, honestly I-”

“Um no. He probably was. I see how he looks at you, just saying. Maybe he was jealous, why don’t you just confront him about it, don’t beat around the bush.”

“No Emily it isn’t like that. Anyways, it’s over with, I really don’t want to bring it up to him again.” Because I really don’t want him to admit he was jealous and let myself believe there was even a small bit of him that cared in that way. Is what I wanted to say but instead I changed the subject. 

We’re just friends. End of conversation.

“What's new with you?”

She continues to tell me for the next hour how she found this cute little bar more on the outskirts of her town and the hot bartender that made “moves” on her all night. After that we hung up, both needing some breakfast and maybe a bit more sleep.

-

It was now 1:00 and I had dusted, vacuumed, and cleaned the bathroom.

Call Ben back. My brain screams at me.

I had been avoiding it all day but honestly I didn’t really understand why. We were fine, the night ended off on a good note.

Move on Francesca, it already happened and was finished. Stop overthinking.

So instead, I texted him.

“Hey, just saw this, been cleaning all day. What’s new?”

Now we wait.

Boring.

I walk over to the fridge to grab something to eat but realize all I have is orange juice and celery.

Great.

Shopping it is.

I hate food shopping with a burning passion. I sat and considered driving to my parents and mooching off of them for some dinner but I honestly don’t have the energy.

Every red light I hit on the way to the store I checked my phone. No answer. I feel a certain anxiety coming on but I’m not sure why. My eyes keep going over, “Call me when you see this?”. My brain is practically a broken record at this point. 

What does he need to tell me? Am I looking too far into this? Probably. 

I can’t help but overthink, something I do constantly. But, if I don’t then I’m not occupied at all, and free time never leads to anything good.

As I enter the store I look at my phone one last time before I start to grab the things I’ll need for this week. Milk, peppers, apples, ice cream, pasta… I can’t reach this damn pasta.

It’s times like these that I wish I had some more height, or heels.

I feel someone behind me as they reach for the exact box of pasta I was going for. Man, is this guy kidding me.

“Looked like you need some help there Ms. Barrett.”

As I turn around I come face to face with babe.

“I keep telling you, it’s Francesca.” I say with a grin, snatching the pasta out of his hands.

“I was about to go all nasty ‘give me back my pasta dick’ on you, consider yourself lucky.”

“Counting my lucky stars. It’s so weird that I’m seeing you here, I was just about to call the office and ask if I could reschedule our meeting for the Monday of next next week.”

“Of course that is no problem, I’ll see when I can fit you in and get back to you. Why can’t you make it tomorrow?”

My eyes go wide.

“That was completely unprofessional. I'm so sorry, that is your personal business, not mine.” I rush out feeling very uncomfortable.

“No Francesca, it’s fine” He laughs before dropping his smile a bit, “I uh, I actually have a date.”

“Oh” I answer flatly, “well, Barnett, I’m happy for you and I hope it goes well.” I say, wanting to leave the aisle as the atmosphere suddenly seemed to shift.

“Hey, it was good seeing you. I’ll be sure to keep my Monday free, I’m really sorry.” He says as he places his hand on my arm, a look of guilt seems to run over his eyes.

“You too Barnett, I’ll let you know.” I say with a small smile and turn to go check out. 

-

On the ride home my mind drifts as I think about Babe.

I thought maybe something was there. I’m just looking too far into it I guess. He was probably just being friendly at the office and I perceived it differently.

As I get home and make dinner I check one last time before I head to bed. No missed calls, texts, nothing. 

Whatever, I’m not going to fall back into waiting around for him. I think to myself as I slowly drift into sleep. 

-

AN: Hi!!!!!! Guys, I have had the worst writers block. I am so sorry for making you all wait because I know hw much it sucks. But...it’s back! I hope you all can understand how tough writers block can be (I’m sure you can). Thank you so much for reading a feel free to let me know what you think either through a comment or my message box (which is always open). I love when you guys message me <3 very sweet. I should have the next chapter out between thursday and next wednesday. Until then!

clyde is me

i am clyde

we that does sounds gross. is it like cooked pasta that is frozen or not cooked pasta frozen? i don’t get the purpose of freezing either version though

the muffins are so good tbh i’m glad u enjoyed hehe

oh oki i thought it was literal for a second like-

ikr if people think i’m the maximum intelligence then humanity really is doomed

asdf ikr. science is like so interesting on the magic school bus but i want to die during science class. just another example of how fucked up society is

literally tho everything sucks more when it’s virtual

except for procrastination, because at home i have tumblr, it’s blocked at school

gasp a win win scenario murder is now encouraged as long as all utensils are cleaned afterwards

mental note: get a sword

hehe ty. my hair is overly thick like if i grow it even a little long i get a massive headache

hehe some books are good (i have the best ones in real copies so that’s pretty good too)

idk if it’s a saying but it’s weird either way.

homework sucks. not that i have too much (actually i have a lot what am i saying?) but it still sucks.

ooh u seem to be into medieval... and ballad stuff

sounds interesting. ahahaha it’s pretty solid reasoning i love it

it sounds so mature compared to my favourite book which is called the extraordinaries by t j klune and is literally 400 pages of gay superheroes, and gay sex jokes. it’s fricking hilarious i can’t read it in public or else i’ll start laughing too hard that ill get weird stares (i speak from experience)

oh definitely duel them to death. or u know roast them really badly that works too. gunshots are too loud and too messy. knives... eh flying daggers are badass but slitting throats are messy too. duel to the death sounds efficient and it’s a challenge and who doesn’t love those?

hm. questionnnnn: what’s ur favourite hobby? besides writing and reading.

asdfhjk ikr they even had to like sexualize her and make her all skinny and stuff bc “that is what girls are supposed to look like”. i didn’t see this while watching it but i bet they gave her breasts too (breasts is a weird word) and i bet she’s wearing a dress. seriously tho. like u said, they are fricking mountains!!!

anyways. clyde, out

until next time :)

Clyde is you! And cecil is me.

Sorry it’s taking so god damn long for me to respond to these - I promise I’m not ignoring you or anything it’s just a mixture of executive dysfunction and school. :(

It’s like frozen and then you cook it and it’s like normal pasta except lamer. I miss vegetables.

Muffins are important

The other day I forgot my own name when asked so if I’m the pinnacle of intelligence then,,,,fuck.

God fuck society man. Also fuck school. In math today I got questions wrong cause I wasn’t supposed to reduce radicals so I got 9 and the answer was radical 81. And like,,,,,,,,, it said fully simplified. So fuck that. Anyhow,,,,

Boring classes are better for me online cause I can fool around instead of losing my mind so that’s a thing.

You should absolutely get a sword. Stab your enemies, seduce people, be awesome. Also extra ✨dramatic flare✨

Oof thick hair. V fluffy. Can I touch (it’s ok if i cant)

You can floof my hair it’s v floofable

Homework is the worst I am incapable of doing Things. I don’t have loads of it ever so that’s ok but it’s like rrrheg.

I am into medieval stuff and like ballads and stuff I’m an old poetry person. I once read the Canterbury tales in Middle English. It was so fun.

Your book is extremely valid I’d love to read it,,,,,, I’ll put it on the list. I would never think less of someone for reading a less “””mature””” book or liking less complicated things. People like what they like and there’s as much value in a good comic as there is in like Keats or some shit. And comics are more fun. Anyhow that’s my rant.

Alright! Seeing as I have your consent, I shall have at them! My sword is a little heavy for a dueling blade but fuck Josh I don’t really care. Proper dueling etiquette dictates that I must give him a days notice, so I shall be texting a warning in the group chat. (I’m joking btw I won’t stab my costar)

My favorite hobby,,,,,, besides reading and writing would be cello probably. I’m not serious about it but it’s really nice.

Mmmmmmmm yes get me them mountain tiddies /j

But seriously wtf. Chill out homies.

My question for you is: favorite weather

Until next time bro!

"I Choose You!" Leon X Reader One-Shot

Galar Region

          You are laying in bed at your hotel room in Motosoke at the Budew Inn. You had just beaten the Gym Leader Kabu and his fire type pokemon with your trusty sidekick Scornbunny, who had been given to you by your friend Hop's brother Leon. Scornbunny and you had this connection the first time you two had layed eyes on each other. It was almost like you two were meant to be. This is why picking the small fire rabbit was so easy for you.

Year 2020

          As you started to get up from the bed, you looked out the window to see that it was raining outside. Looking over at Scornbunny laying on the floor in a corner you began to chuckle to yourself. Luckily, the carpet is soft and not to rough for the creatures' fur, giving him some cushioning to lay on while he slept.

          Getting up from the bed, you want to go take a shower, brush you teeth and get ready for the day. After showering and finishing up your hygiene in the bathroom you grabbed your [F/C] simple dress and put it on, along with her [F/C] high top socks and equally as [F/C] combat boots. Looking in the mirror you didn't know what you wanted to do with your [H/L] [H/C] hair that day, so you decided to brush the knots out and let it hang down for the day.

          After waking Scorbunny up you were all set and ready to go out the door. As you left the apartment you ran right into Hop, Leon's younger brother who was equally as excited as you were about continuing on to the next gym.

          "Hey [Y/N]! You all set and ready for the next Gym Leader? I heard Allistar is pretty tough and doesn't take it easy on anyone!" Hop said in a very excited tone. He seemed to be really pumped about taking on the Ghost Type Gym Leader.

          "Yeah, I would say I'm pretty excited as well. Winning this will turn into my next stepping stone for beating your brother in the finals." you had stated more calmly but still as excited as Hop.

          "I wouldn't get too sure of yourselves about that!" ??? Said

          You snapped your head around to see the one and only Champion Leon standing behind you in his usual outfit and crown design hat. As he steps closer to you and Hop his 6 foot tall frame towers over you're [Y/H] height. You begin to feel flustered by the sight of him and lose your words. Leon notices you expression and looks at you while giving you a smirk.

          "What's wrong? Meowth got your tongue." he says sarcastically while tilting his head slightly.

          "I-I ... I-uhhh.." you muster out in a weak tone. You begin to get frustrated not knowing why all of a sudden you can't come up with a decent response to his witty remark. As you are standing there lost in your own thoughts Leon can see the annoyance on your face.

          "Hey hun, I'm just messing with you. It's ok." he states in a tone that sounds apologetic while walking up to you and placing his hand on your shoulder.

          "Riiiiggghhht..... Yea... I knew that!" You respond back in an unsure what to say tone. "Well anyway as I was sayi-"

          "How about we all grab some breakfast or coffee before you guys decide to continue on with your journey, shall we?" Leon states cheerfully cutting you off in the process. "I know a really good place where you can get some really good coffee. It's called the "Battle Café", it's most definitely worth a try." Leon continues on.

          "I would, but I'd much rather train up my team for the next gym badge, so I can beat [Y/N] next time I see her again." Hop says confidently to you and his brother Leon. Hop then proceeds to run off without saying another word. You are then left standing there in the hallway of the hotel with the one and only Champion Leon.

          "I guess ... that just makes the two of us! If, you are still up for having the best coffee in town." Leon says confidently. While staring back at you waiting for your response.

          "Yea. Sure we can get some coffee together. What's the name of the place again?" You respond questionably.

          "It's the "Battle Cafè". Come on! Follow me and I'll show you where it is, and this time I won't get lost." Leon answers while gesturing his hand for you to follow as you both make your way to the hotel elevators so you guys can head back to the main floor. As you both were heading out and too the cafè, you couldn't help but fixate your [E/C] eyes on Leon. It was almost like something about him put you in this trance-like state. You watched as he turned to look back at you. His golden amber eyes locking onto your shimmering gentle [E/C] eyes. It was like there was something about you just couldn't re-

          "HELLO! Galar Region to [Y/N]!" Leon said loudly.

          Your thoughts were immediately cut off and your face became red. Feeling stunned and taken a back at the sudden interruption of thoughts you're [S/C] was starting to become visibly even redder. You stood there dumbfounded and the only thing you could muster was:

          "S-s-sorry  ... I must have been dozing off into space." You stammered out the best you could while putting your arm on your other arm and tilting your head down so that your [H/L] [H/C] covered your extremely red face.

         "I was gonna shake you if I couldn't get you to stop staring at me like that. Hahaha!" He stated happily. As if your face couldn't get even more red, it did. You began to shrink down even more and shake alittle from all the emotion you were feeling. Leon noticed you were not ok and rested his hand on your shoulder gently.

          "Hey, are you ok? You've been out of it lately. If you do want we can go back to your hote-

          "No! I'm fine! Everything is fine. I guess my mind has been else where lately, but I would still love to be around you." you shout loudly while cutting Leon off abruptly.

          "Very well my lady. Let us go inside and grab something." Leon replies back with a causal but charming tone. He gracefully grabs your small hand and brings you inside the Cafè. He asks the waiter at the front for a table for two and as you both make your way over to your assigned seat, you could not help but blush more at how well put together and gentleman like he was.

          As you both sat down from across each other the waitress walked over to take both you and orders of drinks.

          "Hello, what can I get for the two of you today." The chipper waitress asked.

          "Two orders of your finest coffee please." Leon stated. The waitress then walked off to get your cups of coffee and both you and Leon were left there to too look at one another until a conversation sparked.

          "So are trying to bring me on this date to smooth talk me into how I plan to kick your butt when I battle you." You remarked jokingly at Leon.

          "Haha! Very funny, but no actually. I wanted to just talk casual with you. Get to know you more as a person, not just as a trainer." Leon replied back.

           "Really? You wanna know stuff about me? What would you even wanna know about me, because my life isnt all that exciting as yours." You replied.

           "I beg to differ, if I may. I'm positive you are more interesting than you found yourself to be, and my life is more stressful than exciting and sometimes, I just wish to get away from it all." Leon responded

           Listening to his response did raise your attention quite alot. "But, if it stresses you out. Why do you do what you do then? I'm sorry if this question seems silly, but I am confused." You questioned.

           "There is no such thing as a silly question, so you are fine. To further elaborate, what I mean is I set out on my journey to be the greatest pokemon trainer of the Galar Region, not to sign my life away and become some brand to the world. I wanted to do it to inspire others. To show them that if somone like me, a person who came from nothing, was able to it! Anyone can do it too!" Leon explained proudly.

           You couldn't help but fall even deeper for him after him saying this. It was comforting to hear him talk like a person instead of this facade he walks around portraying to the whole entire region of Galar. "So -."

          "Well, I might as well stop talking about this. I don't need to be throwing all my Champion life problems onto you. I got myself into this mess after all." Leon stated with great sadness to his voice while cutting you off.

          You looked at him and could see the pained expression on his face. He was definitely bothered by it all and despite him trying to hide it. It was showing more and more as you kept talking.

          You felt compelled to reach your hand over and grab his hand gently but firmly.  He raised his head a bit and his amber eyes looked back into your [E/C] eyes. As your eyes were locked onto each other, you knew in that moment you really loved this man and wanted to be with him.

          "Hey, I just want to say. It's ok, and if you need someone to listen to what really goes on in your head, I am here. You don't need to pretend anymore." You stated softly to him. You could see tears start well up in his eyes for sec and then they dissapeared.

          "T-thank you." Leon stammered softly.

          The coffee than arrived and you both drank it together and made some causal talk with one another. Leon learned that you also liked to walk around the Wild Area quite alot and you learned that he often enjoys making pasta and curry for people. As your conversation continued on you knew you were knee deep in love with him and there was no escaping that.

          After you guys finished your 3rd round of coffee. You realized how late it was getting. It was literally a quarter past 7. You guys have been talking for quite some time. After Leon payed for the check you both than proceeded to walk out and make your two separate ways, but before you were able to go Leon grabbed your arm as you were turning to leave. You stopped and looked back at him and saw he had that same expression he had on earlier when you saw him cry alittle.

          "Are you okay Leon?" You asked calmly. He looked at you for a bit and slowly moved towards you. You guys were about a few inches apart and this made you realize how much he towered over you. You knew he was tall, but never realised how tall. This caused you to blush slightly having him this close to you and looming above your small stature.

          You stare up at him, lost in eyes unaware of your actions anymore you find yourself going up on your toes and planting a kiss on face. Since you are so short you end up missing so your top lip came into contact with his bottom lip. Leon stiffens slightly and you feel as though you made a mistake doing this until Leon pulls back alittle and returns the favor with a proper kiss, not missing this time.

          Your eyes widen slightly surprised at his reaction, but you start to relax. You carefully but slowly  wrap your arms around his neck and let your body arch back slightly to allow you to brush up against his chest until there is no gap between you two. You melt into the kiss and allow him to slip his tongue into your mouth for alittle bit. After a few minutes you both proceed to let go of each other so you both could breath.

          Leon looks down at you and smiles his charming smile at you, the same smile that caused you to fall head over heels for him in the first place. "Good luck trying to beat in the final match now." He teasingly remarks while his arms are still wrapped around your waist holding you close to him.

          "Oh hush! You're not THAT charming!" Yoy playfully respond. Leon raises an eyebrow at you as if indicating he doesn't believe what you said, but you just playfully push him and laugh. "I'll see you tomorrow. I gotta head home." You say while turning to leave.

          "We should do this again sometime. You are a comforting person and I haven't felt that feeling in such a long time." Leone states while turning away and making his way back home. You watch ad he leaves and you couldn't help but blush and smile to yourself.

Imagine Jared making a comment about how you and Jensen give each other heart eyes all the time and you getting back at him for it.

“You think this will work out in our favor?” you asked softly, almost a bit timidly, a bit of uncertainty in your voice. For some reason, and despite having gone through this so many times, there was always thins newfound nervousness that found its way in your heart when you were alone with Dean.

The man looked at you from the corner of his eyes, easy smile tugging at the corners of his lips, eyes focusing back in front of him, for any suspicious moves from your monster, even though Sam was already on it. Certainly more focused in keeping an eye out. “Now that you're back with us... everything will work out just fine.”

The words were casual but softly-spoken, with such tenderness, that you couldn't help but smile at them, a bit shyly almost “Glad you think so, because I wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon. As in ever again to be honest.”

This time his smile only got bigger, in that way that always made your heart skip “And who ever said I'd want to get rid of you hm? Exact opposite I'd say.”

“I know, I know. Can't find a person for the laundry that's not gonna freak out over the excessive amount of flannel you two own huh?” you teased softly, and there it was, the chuckle you loved so much as he lowered his head “It's ok, that's an asset I like to take pride in.”

“Although that's a big bonus.” he nodded his head “That and your homemade pie, but I'd more like say-” he stopped, biting slightly his lower lip as he looked at you fully in the eyes this time “You. I'm glad you're back because it's you. All of you, from your laundry skills to your ability to put up with our annoying asses, especially when we're acting like five-year-olds, to- to your weird favorite sauces that I still refuse to put on my pasta to your terrible choices in music-”

“But you like it too! You even sing along to the songs I choose!” you defended with a giggle and he laughed warmly once more.

“Only to make you feel better about it.” he gave you an excuse but you only rolled your eyes with a fond smile “What was I say? Oh yeah, and let's not get started with your stupid crushes on all those celebrities I can barely remember the names of. How the fuck do you even get to pronounce Gyllenhaal right on the first fucking try? Nuh huh not gonna happen, I tell you. Mysterio is how I will keep callin' him. At least Christian Bale is a lot easier to say, Batman's always gonna kick ass, Robert Downey Jr too yeah sure.”

“Hmh I see. So you don't remember them at all huh?” you raised an eyebrow and he shrugged as casually as he could.

“Just one or two. Doesn't mean anything.” he mumbled with another shrug and you hummed still with that smile on your lips “My point is-” a soft sigh left his lips, the lightness of the teasing fading yet despite the seriousness, there was something about it – and the way he just looked at you – that didn't make you more nervous or on edge but rather relaxed and warm inside “I'm glad you're back, (Y/n), for every simple reason that makes you, well, you. It's good to have you back home. Back with us... back with me.”

It was the first time he had said it so openly, certainly not meaning your companion as a friend or family. You've been beating around the bush far too long for any of it to be anywhere near friendly anymore, anyway. Didn't mean this small confession took you any less by surprise though. Your lips parted and closed so many times, but each and every one of them no words could come out. For starters, you didn't know what to say. And secondly, even if you did, you couldn't really make this kind of conversation during a case with Sam only a few feet away probably easily having heard everything you had already said.

But you soon realized you didn't have to, because it was him who broke the short silence.

“Say uhm” he licked his lips, you could swear as if he was nervous but couldn't let your hopes get up “It's been a while and a lot happened and uh we haven't really caught up yet, so...”

“So?” gosh, was it hard not to smile at seeing he way he fidgeted like a nervous teenager.

“So, yeah-” he sucked in a deep breath “This case is gonna be over soon, maybe even today by the looks of it. So... are you doing anything tomorrow night?”

Stunned didn't even begin to cover it. Your eyebrows shot up and your eyes all-but-widened. You looked maybe like a deer caught on headlights with a joker grin slowly spreading on your lips, but how could you help it?

“Why, you have something in mind Winchester?” you asked softly, smile ever-present.

Your words seemed to be able to make him relax at least a bit, and gain more of that confidence you knew so well “Well, there might be this new burger house right down the street and I was thinking-”

“I'd love to.” you breathed out before he could even get the chance to complete his sentence. You didn't need him to and obviously he really wished he didn't – not all of his nerves were gone anyway.

“Great” he breathed out a little too fast “That's- that's great.” there was real relief and happiness in his features, pure one you had not seen in a long while. For a few seconds you actually stayed like that, just looking at each other instead of the road or the small house in front of you. It seemed impossible for either of you to look away from the other. Of course not until-

“Hey, when you two are done giving heart-eyes to each other, I think you might wanna check this out.” it was Sam's voice and sure enough he was speaking to the two of you without even needing to spare a glance in your direction. The silence between you and Dean had given everything away already for the younger Winchester to know.

“Y-yeah, right.”

“Amazing!” Jimmy said with a small laugh as the entire audience clapped and cheered once the small clip came to an end. You laughed as well, remembering the fun you had coming back to the show – this time for good – and filming the episode and that specific scene.

“It is, isn't it?” you grinned and he nodded his head as well.

“I love-” he laughed “I love how he doesn't even turn around but he knows what's going on and he just tells you to cut out on those heart eyes and focus on the case.” he said and you giggled.

“What else can I say? He's Sam fucking Winchester!” you said and the audience laughed.

“That's- that's for the 300th episode right?” Jimmy asked you with a smile and you nodded your head with excitement.

“Yes, yes in fact it is. It actually airs tomorrow night!” you said with a wide smile before he breathed out a “Wow, 300 episodes! You've come such a long way!”

“I honestly can't believe it sometimes.” you breathed out “I had to leave the show for quiet a few seasons because I had other movies to film a-and, you know, many things happened in my life too, but coming back and being around people I knew ever since I was barely 20 years old and consider my real family is- it's been one of the best things to happen to me at this moment in my life!”

“And now you're back for good and the fans are going crazy at finding out! I think- I think when the news got out, it's been trending on twitter for three days in a row, didn't it?” he asked and you hummed, nodding your head.

“Well, I think they're probably just as excited to see me back on the road with the boys. Something which I've honestly missed too.”

“Interesting you mentioned that because-” he chuckled and you narrowed your eyes at the man, suspicious at what he was going to say next “Your costar uh Jared, he- he seemed pretty excited about you coming back to the show.”

“Uh ye-yeah...?” you still frowned as he kept on the innocent smile “I-I mean he's like an older brother to me so yeah, he was happy to know I was back on the show.”

“See, I expected such happiness from Jensen, considering how close you are. Am I right?” he asked and your suspicion only grew but you let him keep going and smiled as the audience cheered at the mention of your costar and you. You were much more than just close, but you couldn't let people know yet; even more so all of the people that shipped you. They would go crazy.

“Ye-yeah we are and he was really happy too, of course.” you nodded your head, still very curious and nervous about what he was going to say “I mean, I've- I've kinda known him before Supernatural for some time too, so yeah.”

“Yes, yes. See I asked Jared - who by the way was here just the previous week - and he did say the same. But he said something very interesting about this scene. He said that he actually improvised it! Which- which makes it even more interesting because he really didn't have to turn to look at you to know you were giving each other heart eyes after all.

You couldn't hold your laughter as the crowd cheered at Jimmy's words. If Jared wanted to take it that far and tease you about your relationship with Jensen when the world didn't know anything yet, then you were going to play his game and take it a step further.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” you played it casually “In fact, I have no idea what Jared was even talking about in the first place because I was totally not giving Jensen heart eyes right there.” you shrugged casually, and he raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Because we all saw the scene just a couple seconds ago!”

“Yes, yes totally. Hear me out guys, Jared really has no idea what he's talking about. If he had actually turned to look at us he'd see I wasn't giving Jensen heart eyes. No.” you scoffed, brushing it off and you were sure if you stopped at that point then you were going to see lots of disappointed tweets afterwards but your war was against Jared and you were set on winning it. So instead you added-

“I was giving Jensen bedroom eyes!” you said matter-of-factly and before you could even add more, you had already sent the audience into a frenzy. They cheered and clapped louder than they had before, which made you laugh and giggle as Jimmy chuckled.

“I mean- I mean-” you tried so hard to put on a serious face “I was giving Jensen heart eyes throughout the entire episode but in that specific scene, no, those were bedroom eyes. I mean, when he asked if I was doing anything the following night, I couldn't help it, I immediately thought 'Yes, you.' and-” you paused when for the second time that night the fans made you jump because of all their loud cheering.

“And?” Jimmy asked, or at least tried to in between his own laughter.

“And then I remembered I had to get back in character and say my lines, which sadly didn't include that part so... yeah, I did. But of course, the look on my face was absolute bedroom eyes.” you shrugged as if it was the most simple thing in the world and it was, at least to you. But you knew it was something that was going to break the internet very soon.

“Simple as that.” Jimmy couldn't control his laughter “Well, I don't really know what to say at this point other than thank you. I think everyone, Jensen included, will appreciate this new piece of information.”

.

..

…

“Oh don't worry, he already does. He gives me a lot of that too. What?” you looked back at the audience “You thought that any of that was scripted? Sorry but nope.”

“Now- now I’m really interested to hear what Jensen has to say about this when he sees the show.”

“Oh he’ll comment on it for sure, don’t worry... For tonight he’s busy watching over our two-month-old daughter while I’m here.” you shrugged before a huge grin formed on your lips when the audience went wild.

Survey #238

“crimson calligraphy written on the trees, creature from the grave, headless and hellbent for me.”

Have you ever played golf? Like, mini-golf. Is there a lake near your house? No, but there's two small ponds down the road. Have you ever made your own pizza or pasta dough? No. Have you ever watched an entire season of a tv show in one day? Uhhhhh how long are the first few seasons of Supernatural? Because Jason and I fucking binged it, and I honestly think that's partially the reason I don't even enjoy TV anymore. Like I liked the show, but jfc it became torture at some point. Not his fault at all, I just never pointed it out. BUT ANYWAY, it's definitely possible we did. What did you have for dinner tonight (or last night)? A ham and cheese hot pocket. Do your parents do things that ‘embarrass’ you? This is so mean, but my mom makes the cringiest jokes and such imo that gives me mad secondhand embarrassment. Do you like any Bon Jovi songs? Yeah, a decent handful. Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. Do you give people second chances? Ha, more than "second." How’re things between you and your most recent ex? We're totally great. Really as if we didn't even break up, considering I mean... nothing emotionally has changed. We just know that being together right now isn't the wise decision. It's frustrating as hell, though. We've already established we're not going to "wait" for each other, but neither of us are actively looking for a new partner, either. I want her, and from what I can tell, she wants me, too. We kinda just... don't talk about how unfair it all is anymore because we both get too upset. I was even supposed to go up there with her and her fam for her birthday and Christmas, but that's changed because she and I agree it's too soon after splitting, making it only more difficult to be around each other. We'd want to cuddle and kiss and such by instinct, so we're trying to wait until the wound isn't as fresh. Though honestly, I don't know how visiting period would go consider as said, there has been zero change in romantic attraction. Ugh yeah I just hope she figures out what she wants and all and we can get back together. Have you been to a wedding this year? No. I'm going to my half-sister's next year, though. Are you an aunt or uncle? Yes, and another niece is on her way. :') Do you expect to be married in the next two years? Probably not. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Have you ever been hunting? Fuck that shit. How often do you walk around barefoot? Always in my own house + in other houses if I'm allowed to take my shoes off. When you eat take-out, do you just eat it out of the containers provided? Usually, but it does depend on what food it is. Ex., those little boxes that have rice in them from Chinese places? I'm using a bowl. From the container is just messy. Would you need to sleep with someone before considering marrying them? Nah. Do you carry condoms? No. Would you date someone who has a hearing aid? ... Yes...? "No" is just... so rude?? Like that is something the person absolutely cannot help, nor is it a HUGE thing. It's just a hearing aid, dude. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty decent. Folders and such. Could be better still, probably. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nah, not my scene. Have you ever brought home a stray animal? Pleeeeenty of cats. Are you physically strong? No, especially not my legs. I've got a newborn fawn's legs, jc. Still working on building the muscle back up. Would you date someone with braces? Oh my god, fuck off. Yes I would. I was the person with braces dating someone without them, so 1.) I obviously can't say shit, 2.) they're taking care of their goddamn teeth, and 3.) I dunno, wearing braces has no goddamn impact on personality???????????? Does scuba diving interest you? Not to an incredible degree, but it'd be cool. Would you ever ask your parents for relationship advice? Maybe for certain topics. Do you think people look up to you? Y'know that "oh no hunty WHAT is u doin" meme??? That's me if someone does. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? *blinking* There are people who don't??????? Do you blush easily? Ohhhhhh yes. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Hm. Not sure. Can you name five current world leaders? AHAHA nope. How many times have you had the flu? Zero. Do you think imagination is valuable? Oh hell yes. We would be NOWHERE CLOSE to where we are as animals without it. Who or what are you most impatient with? I don't know. When was the last time you mowed a lawn? Never. Have you seen all of the Star Wars films? No; seen only the first three with a friend and saw zero appeal. He didn't either. How about all of the Harry Potter ones, so far? I haven't even seen one. Jason and I started the first one together but. Paid way more attention to each other than the movie lmfao. What part of the newspaper do you typically enjoy reading? None. I collect my school's papers now though 'cuz I'm the photographer for it. :') Have you ever made a website, even a simple one? Four that I remember. The ancient and now-defunct ones were back when I think this site called Wetpaint was a host for simple sites, and a lot of us RPers posted our mob info and stuff there. I had one for Talons, one for Connrads. Ha, out of curiosity, I think I looked for them not all too long ago since I never actually deleted them, but I think the site itself was re-purposed. NOW, I have a Wix site for my photography, and then Kalahari Manor is a ProBoards-hosted site. Which was better: your childhood or your teen years? Jfc, childhood. Teen years were a chaotic and rancid cesspit in terms of mental health. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? I truly imagine that realizing I was *in love* with Jason surpassed what a high probably feels like lmao. What does it take for someone to win your heart? I'm actually putting thought into this one and I think what appeals to me in a person most is just being friendly with a good sense of humor and obvious, shameless concern for others. AND JFC, HAVE EMOTION. Don't be a brick wall with me. Lacking an emotional side, positive or negative, is such a turn-off to me. I'm not attracted to robots. Being a gentle person is important, and for me personally, you need to actually act like you're into me. Not just between us. Do not make me a secret. AND BE CREATIVE AND WEIRD AND FRESH!!!!!!!!!!! There's nothing wrong with more "vanilla" people, but just for me myself, I need someone who stands out for some good reason. lol okay this answer's actually getting kinda long, I'll stop. There's a number of ways. What is one thing you would rather be doing? Ha ha yo real talk, Sara and I are getting all emotional and deep into our relationship, platonic or romantic, and I want me and her in her bed right now tearing each other up alsdkjfla;kwejre I love her a lot ok. When was the last time you changed your mind about something? OKAY SO I started a new birth control, right? It. Sent. Me. BACK. With my PTSD. How? Idfk, but I was suddenly obsessing over Him again, badly. I stopped that shit, and wha'd'ya know, two days later, I'm like "lol wtf I don't want him why did that just happen hunty was u ok????????". SO YEAH, that was a trip. Do you know anyone with a lisp? I'm not sure. Possibly. How much weight can you lift at once? No clue. Not a lot. Do you ask guys out, or wait for them to ask you out? I've never asked a guy out, but I wouldn't say I wouldn't. Do you like the last person who showed interest in you? I love her. Describe the last person you stared at? I have no idea. Do you like dating one person at a time, or multiple people? I'm personally monogamous. Have your experiences made you more or less sympathetic to others? MORE. Do you find smoking unattractive? I do. Have your parents ever searched your personal belongings? Mom has. Where did you get your last bruise from? ... Well. This is uh. Awkward. Tying into when I was on that medicine that made my libido fucking uncontrollable (thank the fucking lord I'm back to normal), my breasts are lookin rough, sister. Are you looking forward to anything? Nothing in the VERY near future, I think. A bit further off, Christmas. I can't wait to see the kids so excited again, and for once, we come together as a true family. Plus my #1 wish is to have my Mark tattoo improved at an amazing parlor, and I'm pretty sure that'll be happening, just obvs. not on Christmas Day itself. I'll just be fuckin STOKED when I *know* it's happening. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes. How much money did you spend today? $1.25 for something from the vending machine. I didn't have breakfast, so I was really hungry. When you’re bored in class, what do you usually do? Try to not doze off. If we're not doing anything, then I'll play around with my phone. Have you ever had a song stuck in your head for more than a day? Oh, definitely. Ever walked into the guy’s bathroom? HA as a stupid elementary school with her friends, we sure did during a work day (my mom used to work with special ed kids at school). We thought we were soooo rebellious. How many wives or husbands do you want? One. What happens if you fall in love with your best friend? Ha, did. I still am, and we hope to be back together someday. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not that I know of. Thankfully. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? It's not my thing, but sure, if it's consenting and both are aware it's platonic. Do your wishes ever get granted in the worst way possible? Probably in some way at some point I don't recall. How do you feel about your naked body? NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO Have you ever been called obnoxious? I don't think so, anyway. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. Can you do a split or stick your foot up next to your ear? Nope. When was the last time you complained about something? I was venting some mild frustration to Sara earlier tonight. What is your favorite color combination? Favorite is probably pastel orange and light blue. Love it. Then there's pastel pink and purple. Okay pretty much any combination is about the pastels When was the last time you spoke in front of a group? A month or so back when I had to do my Lifeline presentation in FYS. Do you like group projects, or do you prefer to work alone? I strongly prefer working alone. There's no disagreements, compromises, incompetent partners, etc. Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? Yup! (: Indirectly, but. How did you respond? I don't recall, but I wish I did. Who is the most argumentative person you know? She's not in my life anymore partially BECAUSE of that shit. Do you know anyone who is crazy about proper grammar? Yes, but she has OCD as a valid reason. I'm pretty particular about it too to a degree. Who was the last person to make you feel special? Oh my gosh, my therapist told me she was so proud of me and the progress I was making that I just entirely lit up and became a total beaming ball of giggles and "thank you"s. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? No, I'm bi. If your best friend grabs your hand, what do you automatically do? Squeeze it. What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? Cheesy and spicy scrambled eggs, man. Also known as the only thing I can properly cook lmao. Do you tend to flirt a lot, even when the person isn’t single? Fuck no, if they're not single. I'll flirt with my s/o when I see it appropriate or relevant, and in a case where we're both single, I'd be very subtle about it because shy. What’s something that you think is really cute? Off the very top of my head, the Ewoks from Star Wars, oh my fucking god. They were the only thing I enjoyed in the movies. What’s a pretty bird? I mean... pretty much all of them. BUT, can we take a moment to appreciate the bearded vulture? like???? they're fucking BADASS???????????? Besides sleeping, what do you do in bed? Almost... everything. It's the reason I endured/am still recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs. Have you ever hacked into somebody’s account? Playfully, back when that was a thing for friends to do and post lovey-dovey stuff about them everywhere. Megan and I, and I believe Mini and I as well, did it to each other. Possibly more. Is having to pee really badly worse than being really thirsty? Oh hell yes it is. The former can get to a point of hurting. Have you ever touched a Qu'ran? No. Do you love animals more than most? Oh definitely. Why do you eat fast food? It's easy to grab when on the run, and Mom has almost zero time to cook. Then we both have school. Most often I just warm things up in the microwave or grab something substantial enough in the fridge. Is there always going to be that one person you and a friend makes fun of? I guess you could say indirectly, yes. Just something she said in a certain way became an inside joke. Her as a person, no, I wouldn't do that. What is a bad habit of yours that you’re actually trying to fix? Having terrible eye contact. I have a very hard time maintaining it, but I've been trying to keep that weakness in mind when talking to people. Do you write out your feelings? That's one reason why I take these surveys, yes. Do you have bills to pay yet? It's embarrassing that I don't. Not saying like, I want to pay bills, what madman would, but I do want to feel more like a proper, independent adult. Will you be changing your hair any time soon? Not the style, but one thing I'm asking for Christmas is a professional to dye my hair silver. I say pro because my hair does NOT hold color, and because of the bleach needed, Mom's concerned I'll damage my hair if I put my trust into anyone less qualified. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? I don't think so, but she looks UNCANNILY like her firstborn daughter. It is SCARY. Is there something you wish you could learn to do? There's loads of stuff. Probably above all, cook. Or stop procrastinating. If you could be amazing at ONE thing, what would it be? Drawing precisely what I see in my head. Because of how important they are to me, I would pay BIG FUCKING BUCKS to get how my 'kats look onto paper. What do you wish people would pay you to do? Complain about my weight. :^) I'd be able to just pay for surgery to fix that within a day. Do you take good pictures? I personally think I do. I mean I wanna be a professional photographer. How would one go about impressing you? It depends on the subject and difficulty of whatever. What probably impresses me most would be someone maintaining a mature, peaceful attitude when there is reason to act otherwise. Self-control, that's it. Do you automatically apologize if you walk into somebody? Duh? Tell me a memory of this summer: It was fucking scorching and I hated every minute of it. What’s something that you don’t need, but really want? Hmmmm. OH, HELL YES. IF I had the proper body to even remotely pull them off, I. Would wear. NOTHING. But corsets. Jesus FUCKING Christ they are so hot. What do you draw more than anything else? Just about all I draw is meerkats. What’s the most favorite class you’ve ever had? The Digital Photography course I took in high school. Or Art Honors my junior year. I really enjoyed the stuff I made. For each person you’ve kissed, describe your feelings in one word: Jason: melancholy; Tyler: dramatic; Girt(?): loyal; Sara: ideal. How do you react when you trip or stumble? Gasp and carry on. If it was a more serious trip, I look around at who saw. Are you good at “biting your tongue”? NO. Why do you love the one you do? She's been there for me without fail, has undying faith in me, supports me through everything, is honest, she's funny and very unique, her adoration for animals shows a great level of compassion, she trusts me so much despite her history, she stands extremely firmly for what she sees as right and wrong... okay I can honestly write an essay on why I love her. Would you rather get [another] tattoo or piercing? GIMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 THE TATTOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111 Do you have long or short legs? I'd say they're normal, idk. When do you listen to Nickelback? *shrugs* When I wanna? Would you rather make the first move, or your crush? Them. I'm shy.

my sort of thing

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: turn down gasolina

Sirius Black: ur literally miles away

Remus Lupin: are you playing it

Sirius Black: well yeah

Remus Lupin: turn it down

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: tell potter to stop trying to engage me with fruit based wordplay

Sirius Black: he’ll be gutted

Sirius Black: also how did u get this number

Lily Evans: its written in the girls bathroom with TWAT over it

Sirius Black: and u assumed it was me

Lily Evans: well potter doesnt have an 021 number

Peter Pettigrew to gross gang: DISASTER ALERT

Peter Pettigrew: the vending machine ate my dollar and didnt give me my crisps

Peter Pettigrew to gross gang: stop seening me

James Potter to crew (cuts should b our new Look™): U LOT ARE NEVER GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THIS

James Potter to Lily Evans: i cant believe u rear ended me

Lily Evans: i said id cover the damage

James Potter: will u get my personalized plate fixed

Lily Evans: i’ll do u one better and buy u a new one

James Potter to Lily Evans: so my ‘’’’personalized plate’’’’’ just arrived

James Potter: it’s a bit of paper with ‘shitbitch’ on it

Lily Evans: i also drew a border

Sirius Black: to if we renacted Lizzie McGuire (2001-2004) who would be lizzie: if there was a nuclear apocalypse i would save any dog over all of u

Remus Lupin: what brought this on

Sirius Black: just saw a dog and wanted 2 be clear  

Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: why is there a piece of paper with ‘shitbitch’ on it on ur car

Sirius Black to James Potter: im in the assembly hall replacing all the trophies with vodka bottles

James Potter: no ur not

James Potter: cause im in the assembly hall replacing the curtains with glad wrap

Sirius Black: nah im in dumstrams assembly hall

James Potter: we dont go to dumstram

Sirius Black: whats ur point

James Potter to Lily Evans: remember last night when u asked me what my favourite kitchen utensil was

Lily Evans: no

James Potter: it was after beer pong but before you dumped a bag of flour on my head and called me a snowman

Lily Evans: still no

James Potter: well anyway ive had a thought and decided its the can opener

Peter Pettigrew to sirius you are neither cool nor a drug dealer: the assemblies projector is impossible to hack

Remus Lupin: don’t say hack when ur just swapping the DVDs

Peter Pettigrew: u never let me b cool

James Potter to Lily Evans: can i borrow ur chem hmw

James Potter: by borrow i mean copy

Lily Evans: i didnt do it i was gunna ask u

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: hey remus

Remus Lupin: i didnt do the chem homework either

Lily Evans: bye remus

James Potter to can giraffes get ripped: if evans asks I dont know who coldplay is

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: potter loves coldplay and went to their concert in 2011

Peter Pettigrew to Lily Evans: james’ favourite coldplay song is charlie brown

Remus Lupin to Lily Evans: if u play ‘fix you’ once james has had one (1) beer he will tear up and pretend its hay fever  

James Potter to can giraffes get ripped: no one here has any fucking loyalty

Peter Pettigrew to it should be pengu not pingu: sirius u ate all the humus and now mums pissed

Sirius Black: did u tell liz it was me

Sirius Black: say it was lupin

Remus Lupin: do not

Sirius Black changed the group name to (do it pete) get fucked remus

Unknown to James Potter: i think we need to get our stories straight

James Potter: who is this ??

Unknown: lily obvsly

Unknown: im using a burner in case the police hack my phone

James Potter: christ

James Potter: we spilt water on one library book

Unknown: so long dickweed im going underground

James Potter: does this mean ur missing bake off

Unknown: no obvsly ill go after bake off im not an animal

James Potter to Sirius Black: would u marry me to stop me from getting deported

Sirius Black: obviously

Sirius Black: why

James Potter: just checking

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: u want me and james 2 punch avery 4 the calling u poor thing

Lily Evans: no

Lily Evans: do not do that

Sirius Black: wish youd sent this earlier

Lily Evans: i replied literally a minute after u sent this

Lily Evans: sirius what have u done

Lily Evans to James Potter: i dont need you lot punching people for me its really not on

James Potter: technically i was keying avery’s car so didn’t punch anyone

James Potter: however sirius did

James Potter: also remus

James Potter: peter was in the bathroom

James Potter: also u coating mulciber’s locker with rotten banana after he ripped remus’ bag last week was ‘really not on’ either but you still did it

Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: u look awful did u sleep last night

Sirius Black: go home

Remus Lupin: i cant miss bio

Sirius Black: ill go for u

Remus Lupin: u dont take bio

Sirius Black: irrelevant

James Potter to Lily Evans: if i didn’t know better id say u were getting detentions just to see me

Lily Evans: good thing u know better then

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: am currently covered in greek yoghurt & hiding in slughorns toilet

Sirius Black: hot

Lily Evans: that was meant for james

Lily Evans: also whats wrong with you  

Lily Evans to James Potter: U DRAGGED ME TO THIS FUCKING MOVIE AND UR FUCKING LATE

Lily Evans: UNBELIEVABLE

Lily Evans: IM SITTING IN THE CINEMA ALONE

Lily Evans: oh

Lily Evans: ok Slight Problem i am in the Wrong Cinema

Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew: tell sirius his bag is open

Peter Pettigrew: why don’t u tell him

Remus Lupin: im not speaking to him bc he said james glasses’ made me look like a wombat

Peter Pettigrew to peter doesnt eat the carrot skin and Its Weak: just saw evans eating a lemonade ice block

Sirius Black: theyre famously bland u have to drop her james

James Potter: fat chance

Lily Evans to James Potter: if/when we’re on a panel show our team name will be pottered plants

Lily Evans: dont u dare seen this ive never been funnier

Sirius Black to loser lane: good morning friends

Sirius Black: get fucked peter

Peter Pettigrew: i SAID SORRY i didn’t know it was ur bagel  

Sirius Black: lupin tell peter that i am not speaking to him

Remus Lupin: peter, sirius says he wants to blow you

Peter Pettigrew: i decline

Sirius Black: u fucking what

Sirius Black: it would be THE HONOUR OF YOUR LIFE to get blown by me u fucking heathen

Lily Evans to James Potter: sirius just said i look pretty and didnt ask to borrow gas money after

James Potter: unheard of

James Potter: you do look pretty tonight

Lily Evans: cheers

Lily Evans: youve never said that to me before are you sneaking wine behind slughorns back

James Potter: no

James Potter (yes)

James Potter: if i said u looked pretty every time you did id never say anything else

Sirius Black: to hmu bitch: who took my FUCKING LAVA LAMP

James Potter: u don’t even use it

Sirius Black: give it back judas

James Potter to Lily Evans: i hate everyone here

Lily Evans: dont let sirius hear u say that

James Potter: hes making out with mcdonald he cant hear anything

James Potter: if you were here this would be bearable

Lily Evans: nah id just drink ur beer and be annoying

James Potter: true

James Potter: still want you here like mad

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: can u die from eating to much pasta

Remus Lupin: why would i know this

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: heard ur dying

Sirius Black: can i have ur nice waterbottle

Lily Evans to James Potter: come over please

James Potter: you alright?

James Potter: you never say please when you ask me round

Lily Evans: everything has gone a little bit horrible and petunia has left and i have broken a plate

Lily Evans: please come and do that thing you do where everything isnt as bad when youre here

James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: when im in india can u feed the fish

Peter Pettigrew: ?? u don’t have fish

James Potter: yes we do theyre in the pond

Peter Pettigrew: sirius has pushed me into that pond 17 times ive never seen any fish

James Potter: hold on

James Potter: ur never going to believe this my mum has been playing this fish joke on me for seven fucking years im

James Potter: WHY WOULD ANYONE JOKE ABT SOMETHING LIKE THIS

Lily Evans to James Potter: christ i miss u

Lily Evans: didnt realise how serious that would sound over text

Lily Evans: its just its only been four days since u left but i have 983293 things to tell u and ur not here

Lily Evans: anyway

Lily Evans: i feel like an idiot goodnight

James Potter to Lupin more like LupLAME: I HAVE RETURNED  

Sirius Black: did u bring gifts

James Potter: no

Sirius Black: go back

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: not 2 b dramatic but anything james can do i can do better

Lily Evans: including eating the most grapes in 2 minutes which i have just proven

Remus Lupin: are you two ever just normal

Remus Lupin changed the group name to uncultured shits

James Potter: we’re not uncultured just cause we dont like crackers

Sirius Black: i love crackers but only with caviar

Remus Lupin: dont align yourself with me

James Potter to Lily Evans: thanks for the oranges

James Potter: also why the oranges

Lily Evans: because you like them and our neighbors tree is low hanging  

James Potter: oh

James Potter: shit im glad i know you

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: james just fell in the parking lot and set off a car alarm

Sirius Black: typical

Sirius Black: i cant believe you want to fuck this guy

Lily Evans: yeah

Lily Evans: WAIT

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: so u know today when james nearly died trying to jump off the assembly balcony to win a fiver

Sirius Black: i think i do recall

Remus Lupin: remember when he was on the ground and everyone was yelling and you asked me what the number for 000 was

Sirius Black: i was STRESSED

Remus Lupin: this isnt about you do you know what lily said to peter abt james

Remus Lupin: peter was bein all dramatic and said ‘hes dying’

Remus Lupin: and lily said ‘dont be ridiculous he would never do that to me’

Sirius Black: when are they going to fuck

Remus Lupin: yeah i thought it was rather romantic myself

Lily Evans to James Potter: at the risk of sounding like a tit im rlly tired of not kissing you

Lily Evans: as in i would really very much like to kiss you now and often

Lily Evans: its so late and i like you so much

Lily Evans: you always know how to make me laugh

James Potter: open your window

Lily Evans: its three in the morning

James Potter: if i keep running these red lights like i am i should be outside urs in 3 minutes  

Lily Evans: oh thank god

Sirius Black to if birds get the flu can they still call it bird flu??: james has changed his profile pic from The Boys™ to one of him and lil

James Potter: why are you talking abt me like im not in this chat

Sirius Black: lupin, tell potter im not speaking to him

Remus Lupin: james, sirius says he wants to blow you

James Potter: id rather he didnt

Sirius Black: WHY DOES NO ONE WANT ME TO BLOW THEM WHEN WILL I FIND REAL MATES

15+ Freezer Meals to Make Before Having a Baby or Surgery

15+ healthy and delicious freezer meals to make and freeze before having a baby or surgery! Gluten-free, easy to make, and satisfying too.

IT’S BABY WEEK!!!

So wild to finally be able to say that! On one hand I feel like I’ve been pregnant for-ev-er, on the other hand I keep asking myself – how are we already here? Either way, this family of four is ready to become a party of five. Baby sis’ room is ready (she’ll be sleeping bedside for at least 3 months but Type-A here wanted everything ready anyway,) my hospital bags are packed, and we officially traded our cool card in for a minivan – a swap I’ve never been so excited to make.

Three words: STOW AND GO. Ok three more: POWDER SLIDING DOORS! I’m never going back. Ben is horrified.

In contrast to our large, empty van trunk, my freezer is filled to the brim with meals to thaw and eat post-baby. I didn’t prepare freezer meals prior to having Lincoln and really regretted it. Ben and I survived on so much Chipotle those chaotic weeks post-birth that it wasn’t even funny. Do you know how many Chipotle burrito bowls it takes to be considered unfunny? A lot, because that ish is good.

That said, I learned my lesson with Cameron and stocked our freezer with soups, snacks, and crock pot “freezer kits” prior to having him. Knowing I didn’t have to drag my butt to the store with a toddler + newborn more often then I had to, and more importantly make the decision as to what to whip up for dinner for quite some time, was life saving. I highly recommend that any expecting parent or heck, anyone preparing to be down and out for awhile after having surgery, etc., prep/cook/freeze as many meals as possible in advance.

That said, today I’m sharing 15+ of my favorite freezer meals to make before having a baby, surgery, etc. Not only are these recipes comforting, nourishing, and EASY, but they’re simple to multiply if you choose. For instance, you can make one Crock Pot White Chicken Chili freezer kit just as easily as you can make 10.

A couple years ago I wrote a big, comprehensive post on 50+ Gluten-Free Freezer-Friendly Recipes that you may want to check out as well. Not only does this post contain, yep, 50+ GF/FF recipes, but also freezing tips and what does/doesn’t typically freeze well. My two most important takeaways from that post are:

Do not freeze warm/hot meals – cool them completely in the fridge before freezing.

Thaw meals or freezer kits in the refrigerator 24 hours prior to re-warming/cooking vs cooking frozen or thawing on the counter.

With that, I’m officially signing off until baby girl arrives! One thing I also didn’t do after having Lincoln was take any sort of maternity leave (literally I blogged from the hospital – WHYYYYYYYY??) Taking time off to rest and recuperate after having Cameron was what I needed both mentally and physically at that time, and I plan to do the same with baby girl. Ben, the boys and I appreciate and cherish all of your well wishes, prayers, and excitement, and can’t wait to introduce our DAUGHTER to you! Until then…

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Crock Pot White Chicken Chili

Crock Pot White Chicken Chili is my favorite freezer recipe not only because it’s one of my favorite recipes in general, but also because you can freeze the chili after it’s been fully cooked then cooled, or as a “freezer kit” which is what I usually do.

Add everything but the broth, lime, milk and flour into a freezer bag then seal and freeze flat. Thaw overnight in the fridge then dump everything into the crock pot with the broth and lime juice and cook per usual. (Psst: I almost always skip the milk/flour step in this recipe and it’s totally fine.) Serve with tortilla chips and you’re set!

Click here for the recipe >

Crock Pot Black Bean and Rice Soup

Crock Pot Black Bean and Rice Soup is hearty and healthy – an excellent, nourishing meal to eat post-baby. Again, you can freeze this soup after it’s been cooked/cooled (wait to add the rice until the day you eat,) or make into a freezer kit minus the broth and cook fresh the day of.

Click here for the recipe >

Frozen Breakfast Burritos

An oldie but goodie recipe here on IGE! Frozen Breakfast Burritos are the bomb.com. Use your favorite fillings and tortillas then roll and wrap a bunch of these to stash in the freezer and pull out anytime you need a hot and hearty breakfast that only requires 1 hand to eat. I LOVE this recipe.

Click here for the recipe >

Signature Spicy Smoky Sweet Chili

The one, the only Signature Spicy Smoky Sweet Chili! This recipe freezes extremely well and it’s not only great for cool nights, but for game day too – just good to have in the freezer! Plus you can serve it in a variety of ways – in a bowl with cheese and tortilla chips of course, or over hot dogs, cooked pasta, cooked spaghetti squash, etc. Such a delicious, comforting treat to have when you’re super, super tired.

Click here for the recipe >

Mini Corn Dog Muffins

File Mini Corn Dog Muffins under: “totally fine for Mom to devour”, but also: “my kids are starving and I need something nearly instant, fun, and filling to serve them”! Bake/cool then freeze these adorable bites on a sheet pan then transfer to a freezer bag. Place as many as you need directly from the freezer onto a plate then cover with a paper towel and microwave on 50% power until warmed through. SO EASY.

Click here for the recipe >

Shortcut Vegetable Ragu

Shortcut Vegetable Ragu is my staple spaghetti night sauce and it’s super easy to double or triple the batch then freeze flat for future spaghetti nights. ‘Nuf said. :)

Click here for the recipe >

Mini Pizza Quinoa Bites

Because having a newborn can be stressful, and pizza is not. ;) Bake/cool and then freeze Mini Pizza Quinoa Bites on a sheet pan, and then transfer to a Ziplock freezer bag. Place onto a plate from the freezer, cover with a paper towel, then microwave on 50% power until heated through. Also check out my Mini Ham & Cheese Quinoa Cups, Mini BLT Quinoa Cups, and Mini Mushroom & Swiss Quinoa Cups.

Click here for the recipe >

Crock Pot Chicken and Wild Rice Soup

Another freezer kit staple of mine! Crock Pot Chicken and Wild Rice Soup is a wildly popular recipe here on IGE year-round as it’s healthy and comforting – just what you need after having a baby. This recipe is actually best made as a freezer kit vs cooking then freezing, so the rice keeps its texture. Add everything but the chicken broth into a freezer bag then freeze flat. Thaw overnight in the fridge then dump into a crock pot with the broth and cook according to instructions.

Click here for the recipe >

Mini BBQ Cheddar Meatloaves

Mini BBQ Cheddar Meatloaves are SO yummy! Assemble then freeze on a baking sheet before transferring to a freezer bag. Thaw overnight in the fridge on a foil-lined baking sheet then bake per usual.

Click here for the recipe >

Crock Pot Loose Meat

If you’re not from the Midwest, the concept of a “loose meat” sandwich might sound nuts, but I promise you they’re so, so delicious. Slow cook/cool then freeze the loose meat with a little bit of extra cooking liquid then thaw and scoop onto buns with ketchup or BBQ sauce, sprinkle over baked fries with shredded cheese, or turn into Sloppy Joes. Such a versatile staple to have on hand in the freezer.

Click here for the recipe >

Crock Pot BBQ Pulled Pork

Shredded pork freezes extremely well and stays nice and juicy on account of its higher fat content. That said, keep a couple bags of cooked/cooled/frozen Crock Pot BBQ Pulled Pork on hand for thawing then turning into sandwiches, quesadillas or adding to salads.

Click here for the recipe >

Taco Chili

Taco Chili is a family favorite. Each spoonful tastes like you’re eating a giant taco except you don’t have to go through all the fuss of toasting shells, chopping up toppings, etc. Add crushed tortilla chips and cheese on top then you’re done. Very low fuss for when you’ve got a fussy baby on your shoulder.

Click here for the recipe >

Crock Pot Carnitas

Crock Pot Carnitas is SUCH a winner. Thaw a bag of it in the fridge then crisp up portions in a skillet and top with eggs + avocados for a hearty breakfast, use in tacos, salads, etc. So versatile, and SO delicious!! Heck, I usually just sneak cold bites of it straight out of the fridge when I need a little protein boost.

Click here for the recipe >

Blueberry Oatmeal Breakfast Bars

Not only do Blueberry Oatmeal Breakfast Bars keep for 4-5 days in the fridge (if they last that long – I promise they won’t,) but you can also slice them into squares and wrap in plastic wrap to keep in the freezer. Thaw as many as you like in the fridge overnight to thaw, or discard the saran wrap then microwave wrapped in a paper towel at 50% power straight from the freezer to warm back up. Total win for healthy breakfasts or snacks.

Click here for the recipe >

Maple Cinnamon Oatmeal Breakfast Bars

Maple Cinnamon Oatmeal Breakfast Bars fall under the same concept as the blueberry bars above but have a slightly different, totally delicious flavor profile. I am obsessed. Also, I don’t know if there’s a specific “formula” or combination of ingredients that qualify a cookie or bar as a lactation-friendly, but I’ve had many women tell me they’ve used my oatmeal bar recipes for that purpose.

Click here for the recipe >

Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Bars

Last but not least – Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Bars! These bars are made without bananas so they’re perfect for those who detest the taste and/or are allergic to bananas.

Click here for the recipe >

No-Bake Cranberry Chocolate Almond Energy Bites

No-Bake Cranberry Chocolate Almond Energy Bites: because newborns = tired Mama. Seriously, the jolt of dark chocolate and dried cranberries, mixed with peanut butter, oats, and nuts, make for one DELICIOUS and energy-sustaining snack. Tip: instead of taking the time to roll into balls a lot of times I’ll press the mixture into an 8×8″ baking pan then slice into squares. Again, these keep really well for quite awhile in the fridge but are awesome to have on hand in the freezer for an extended time, too.

Click here for the recipe >

Healthier Zucchini Banana Bread Muffins

Like I said, having a newborn can be stressful but warm and squishy carbs can help. Freeze a batch of Healthier Zucchini Banana Bread Muffins then microwave wrapped in a paper towel on 50% power until soft before stuffing your face whenever ya’ need it. We understand.

Click here for the recipe >

Source: https://iowagirleats.com/2018/07/18/freezer-meals/

;_;

i woke up on time, actually. after a kind of, a kind of horrifying dream? i was just hanging out in the big boat, the huge one with red carpet and it’s usually in the harbor so there’s white buildings and birds along the horizon when you go on deck. there was a door to a building where it should have led into the boat- just kind of an old building on top of the boat. it was my high school theater. ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN.

there was something going onnn... when the Big Plot got resolved we were all standing on deck milling around directly after the big finale. i don’t know if it was a big finale but it was definitely after something. my old roommate maranda was up by the building. she got hooked on the door somehow and it flipped around trap-bookcase style and pulled her inside. except the door was half-covered by a wall so when she got pushed inside it kind of... clipped her at the waist. i don’t know it was a very non-euclidean motion.

i didn’t see any blood but i frowned at the door for a second. only a few people must have seen it because no one stopped talking. then the screaming started!!! it went on!!!!!!!!! wailing and sobbing like a person just realized they’d gotten cut in half. you know.

i was very afraid of going inside and seeing what was in there. i ended up on the other side of the building eventually... my sister and classmates were putting on a play. i took one look at the script and said “nope, no, i’m outta here, bye” and turned around and walked away, waving my hand behind me. i got a look at the Big Door on my way out; i kind of collapsed with relief when i didn’t see any blood or stray body parts. it seemed like she had just fallen a lot of feet somehow and broken something. there wasn’t anyone by the wall or door when i looked. then i woke up.

it kinda rattled me, you know? periodically throughout the day i had to just kind of take a minute and put my head in my hands.

anyway when i woke up snoopy had pooped all over the house. i got fed up with wasting all of my laundry detergent on washing the blanket on the couch every single morning so i put trash bags over the couch instead. i also had to clean up the floor. it wasn’t like she’d been sick, more like she’d just decided to camp out there. but there was twice as much as usual.

when i was brushing my teeth i threw up again. i’m gonna get cavities if this keeps happening.

i made eggs for breakfast. used too much butter but that’s ok. i made 2 eggs and i managed to eat more than half of it so i count that as a win. felt real sick though.

i went to the gym to work out for 20 minutes and then i staggered back home and stood in the shower for a long time. longer than i’d wanted, but also, i just felt hot and cold and sore all over and i was so tired. i wanted to stand in room-temperature water for a while. when i got out i cleaned my ears with the water blaster. that always makes me super dizzy but it helped with my headache just a little.

i actually didn’t waste a lot of time this morning. just showered longer than usual. i packed a pbj and some guac and a banana and fruit strips and a granola bar and super awesome chocolate raisins and headed out. the bus schedule said the next ride would be in like 40 minutes and i huffed. when i checked it again five minutes later (right before i was going to walk all the way to school), the bus was 15 minutes away. so i went down to wait. 25 minutes after that the bus showed up.

i got to my office at about 10:45. i sat down and started working at 11. i went until 8:30.

the last 2-hour stretch i didn’t even take any breaks. i was kinda miserable. i gave up on the very last problem. 

anyway at about noon i broke out the pbj. i think i’m used to old trash bread because this fresh bread i’d just bought yesterday and sealed well was too rich i guess. i felt real bad trying to eat it. it was confusing. i wanted to cut off the crust or something, but i haven’t done that in like 16 years.

i forced down the guac and the raisins and went back to work. suzanne and jake showed up so i went in her office and got back to work at 12:30. during my little 10-minute breaks to round out each hour i’d go over by the window at the far corner of the building and look out at the sky for a few minutes. i stretched a little but nothing too taxing. i think it helped me keep up the pace but i’m not sure now that the day is over.

at like 2:40 i had my banana. it actually didn’t make me super sick for once. i felt bad... maybe it’s because i was too stressed but even after diligently reading the textbook all the way through i felt like i didn’t understand what to do for the homework. i was doing most of it by myself but again i felt the need to get step-by-step directions from suzanne. i told her i really needed to practice with lagrangian equations... we only did it for 2 weeks in undergrad and i didn’t really get it very well then either.

i would love to practice with lagrangians! if the homework didn’t eat up 7 hours every week, not counting reading the textbook, not counting doing that for my other two classes. also not counting lab prep, teaching the lab, and grading 54 reports every week.

i feel... overwhelmed. all my free time the last two days (on the WEEKEND) has gone toward homework but i only got one assignment done out of three that are due monday... and i worked all thursday, and between classes on friday. i don’t know what else i’m supposed to do. it’s so hard to keep up that i can’t put in the work i need to do if i want to get in enough physics-shape to start pulling my own weight.

jennica came in, and ioannis, and taylor, and keegan. there was another student around i think but i didn’t see him after he came in and he didn’t come out of his office. i didn’t talk to them much honestly. i’m real frustrated with myself, that i don’t understand constraints and how to examine a physical system and just pop equations out of it. how i don’t notice stuff in the textbook that looks like a footnote but is actually how you solve the problem. i feel bad looking up basic geometry terms just to refresh my memory. it shouldn’t need to be refreshed.

i don’t feel too bad about looking up all the new terms all the time though. i desperately need to hear the definition of “hermitian” in as many different words as possible. 

anyway after 3:30-ish i was out of food i wanted to eat today and that meant trouble. at 6:30 i started skipping my assigned break periods to keep working. poor suzanne. she was so tired and frazzled from doing the homework due this week that she basically sent me her work for the last three problems (out of five. i work slowly). i didn’t copy so much as i looked at her first step and worked forward from there. when i got stuck that’s when i noticed she would use trig identities that i just straight up didn’t know.

it’s that first step that’s the hardest though. turning the words into a concept that the question wants me to learn, and then turning that concept into the right equation. and you gotta improvise a lot. i feel so helpless. 

though, when i do the problems wrong and just follow along with the book, i find i understand the math a WHOLE LOT better. i would copy all the equations in order if i could and work through the proofs with the book. but that would turn my 3/4-hour reading project (for each individual chapter) into a 7/9-hour reading project (again, for a single chapter out of the 35+ i need to get through this semester, basically 2 and a half a week).

and also that’s 8 hours i didn’t spend doing the actual homework.

my classmates told me that they just don’t have enough time to read the textbook. but i don’t understand how they do the homework without reading the text and taking note of literally everything in the lecture (which ALSO exhausts me). i guess it’s because they know something i don’t, or just remember everything better. 

i do feel very helpless. not even just in physics though. it’s so bizarre and scary to be buying my own food. thinking about buying my own bike, and transporting my own self to school and back, and figuring out on my own where everything is and the best shortcuts to take, feels like vertigo. doing my own banking and organizing my own budget feels like walking across a rickety bridge over a canyon.

and i’ve been doing this for TEN YEARS already!!! i did my own laundry in high school! i got myself to class! i made sure i got enough to eat!

and i’m still not used to it for some reason!!!!!!!!!!

and it feels like that every day. doing physics work on top of that when i feel so not confident and scared is near impossible.

jennica was talking about funeral styles earlier today when she was asking suzanne about how it went. she said that when suzanne died she should just have her funeral at a “baptist” church. jake corrected her to evangelical, i think? jennica said it’s because funerals are a big party since they prefer to celebrate your life over mourn your death. and she said it’s not a bad thing to die because you go to a better place and stuff.

i put my head down in my book to prevent myself from saying “if i believed in a better place i’d just kill myself now.” too dark. 

i do feel... pinned about that though. on one hand, thinking everything gets better when you die does not help me. i cannot think that way or... well. 

but on the other hand what happens to the people i love when they die? my pets? whatever happens to me when i die would surely happen to them too? do i want a “good” afterlife or not.

i don’t know. thinking about it makes me uncomfortable right now. 

at 8:30 jennica and i took off for chipotle. the line was criminally long and slow. i may as well have just gone home and cooked the pasta and “meat”balls i wanted to make. she was talking very loudly and it hurt my ears, and she kept gesturing and almost touching me. she’d reach out erratically and i’d have to actually lean away from her. 

i know she was probably as tired as i am. and i was wiped. that’s probably why i didn’t have as much patience as usual.

so i got home at 9:20 and slapped my burrito down on my table and ate it and i ate the stuff that fell out with my hands like a filthy animal. i was starving. i ate with the desperation of someone who had been working too hard all day and not had any opportunity to eat. i knew i was eating too fast but i didn’t care because i had to sit down and start writing basically as soon as i finished if i wanted to go to bed on time (i’m already 15 minutes late now). so about two minutes after i finished i nearly puked. i had to stop in my hallway and take deep breaths. 

my stomach still hurts. it doesn’t hurt as bad as my, i guess, solar plexus? it feels like the muscles are getting shoved around by my ribs every time i lean over or straighten my back. like i’ll stretch my back and when i put my head back down to keep reading something between my ribs will just kinda slide and pop in and it hurts but i can’t figure out how to describe the pain. it feels like scar tissue i guess. but i don’t got no scars there.

it’s not as bad as yesterday but it’s still hella unpleasant and it makes it hard to sleep because it’s got that gnarly pinching feeling when i lay down too, no matter what position. 

we’ll see. tomorrow i need to try to do the entire quantum assignment (that was due last friday) and also i need to grade the entire first lab section. it’s too much. i wanted to do the full classical assignment AND half of one of those other things today. took too long. 

i don’t want to quit. i don’t want to quit. i can do it. i just need more time. or more energy. or more fudging power i guess. i don’t know how my classmates do it. it seems like they don’t sleep but i don’t really have that option. i don’t have much option to skip ANY part of my routine actually. 

that sounds like i got a bad work ethic but my depression gets so much worse when i don’t take care of everything every day and then i end up getting no work done at all.

like i gotta eat, preferably three times. i gotta clean myself up. i gotta get outside for a little bit. i gotta drink enough water. i gotta interact with someone and also my cat or any dog at all. i gotta get some form of exercise. i gotta go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. or else it all goes to hell! that’s not fair. for everyone else most of that stuff is optional and it’s just not for me.

anyway it’s 10:58 and if i don’t stop now i won’t have time to meditate for a few minutes. i’m already late getting to bed anyway. might not have enough time to get in 8 hours of sleep. being out of the apartment until literally my “get ready for bed” time threw me off... might have to get used to that over the next few days. just got too much to do.

1 - 150

Incredible I did literally bring this on myself tho1. Who was the last person you held hands with?I honestly don't remember... Probably a friend from school or something.2. Are you outgoing or shy?Generally outgoing but it's draining... 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?School friends, but I've been meeting up with lots of people from back home or who graduated recently so it's been nice!4. Are you easy to get along with?YeOr so I've been told :P5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I'd hope so? I assume so. 6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Cute people who are funny and who think I'm funny. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Pfft no. 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?No one in particular... 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Not really but idk how to initiate a conversation about sex ever. 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?My friend Sydney a few nights back11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?👍12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?OH time for recent faves:- Jam Jam by IU- 最爱雨天 by Men Envy Children- 告白气球 by Jay Chou- 如果我们不曾相遇 by 五月天- Wild Heart by Bleachers and Sara Bareilles13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Not really... At best it feels weird at worst it makes me feel uncomfortable. (people like touching my beard though? Which I'm actually more ok with :P) 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Ye. It's all about being the right person in the right place at the right time. 15. What good thing happened this summer?Got to hang out with people!! Got to do a cool project in Boston!! 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Lol probably not... 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Yes. Undoubtedly. Definitely and with 100% certainty. 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?I barely remember who my first crush was. 19. Do you like bubble baths?Nah I only take showers these days. 20. Do you like your neighbors?They're fine. 21. What are you bad habits?Blaming myself and taking responsibility for things that aren't my fault.22. Where would you like to travel?Everywhere. All over Asia. Especially Japan, China, Singapore, Dubai, Thailand, everywhere. 23. Do you have trust issues?I trust myself. 24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Lunch! 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?I'm pretty comfortable with my body but probably my figure. Would like to be more fit. 26. What do you do when you wake up?Try to get out of bed, take a shower asap. 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Neither, I really am pretty comfortable with my body. 28. Who are you most comfortable around?Most of my close friends. 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Don't think so. 30. Do you ever want to get married?Sure. More than that I want to raise a family tho. 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?Nah. 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?What. I'm not really big on celebrities...33. Spell your name with your chin.Jnhfzh (I tried) 34. Do you play sports? What sports?Lol sports. What's up sports it's been a while since we last met huh... 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?I already live without TV.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Constantly. Sometimes you gotta pick your battles. 37. What do you say during awkward silences?I don't. That's what makes it an awkward silence. 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?I like them and they like me. 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Gimme those ethnic grocery stores yes pls!40. What do you want to do after high school?Lol. 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Mostly yes. Very few things are completely unforgivable in my book... 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?Thinking about something. Or recharging. 43. Do you smile at strangers?Sure, especially if they smile at me. 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?I think space would be less scary. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Knowing I've got stuff to do. Potential. 46. What are you paranoid about?Losing people I love. 47. Have you ever been high?Nah. 48. Have you ever been drunk?Yeah. It's not for me. 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Probably not... 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?I don't usually wear hoodies? Probably black and red51. Ever wished you were someone else?Yeah, me except I have a better fashion sense and can speak like 40 languages52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?I wish I kept up speaking my mother tongue when I was growing up so I didn't have to struggle to relearn it now. 53. Favourite makeup brand?N/A54. Favourite store?Barnes & Noble55. Favourite blog?I really like those blogs that post creative coding gifs56. Favourite colour?Probably blue57. Favourite food?Pasta58. Last thing you ate?I made stir fry today for dinner! 59. First thing you ate this morning?Some rice bowl thing with tofu 👍👍👌👌60. Ever won a competition? For what?Don't think so? I did win a science fair in high school with lifesavers tho. 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope62. Been arrested? For what?Also no63. Ever been in love?Yes. I'd like to think so anyway. 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?Lol don't even remember it... 65. Are you hungry right now?Nah too late 4 food66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?Same Friends Same Friends! 👉67. Facebook or Twitter?Fb68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?Never 70. Names of your bestfriends?Steven, Winston, others71. Craving something? What?More hugs... 72. What colour are your towels?Mostly dark blue or teal72. How many pillows do you sleep with?2 ✌️73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Nah74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Honestly idek if I own any xD75. Favourite animal?Snek🐍🐍76. What colour is your underwear?Grey today77. Chocolate or Vanilla?I used to be hardcore chocolate but nowadays I'm really feeling vanilla. 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Birthday Cake!!!! 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Purple! 80. What colour pants?Burgundy 81. Favourite tv show?Yo I just finished this top quality anime it is called Flying Witch everyone watch it. Mob Psycho 100 is good too. Pls Watch Car Boys. 82. Favourite movie?Car Boys. 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Have not seen either but probably the original. 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Haven't seen either but probably mean girls. 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?The mean girl? 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?That turtle who's like "gnarly cowabungas dude" or w/e87. First person you talked to today?My roommate Jack88. Last person you talked to today?Steven89. Name a person you hate?I don't have time to hate people that's a lot of effort. 90. Name a person you love?Myself. 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Lol usually also myself 92. In a fight with someone?Nah93. How many sweatpants do you have?I don't even know if I own one pair of sweatpants94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Like 1 MAYBE. 95. Last movie you watched?I Think Kiki's Delivery Service? 96. Favourite actress?Idk I don't watch things :P Maybe Tara Strong? 97. Favourite actor?Lol do those McElboys count 98. Do you tan a lot?I Am South Indian. 99. Have any pets?I have a brother? 100. How are you feeling?Yeah101. Do you type fast?On phone ye on computer not really 102. Do you regret anything from your past?Not really? 103. Can you spell well?Ye. I choose 2 be Like This. 104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Most friends from high school... Probably gonna miss more once I graduate college huh... 105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Nope :0106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Yeah. Sorry I'm an asshole sometimes, it's not intended I promise. 107. Have you ever been on a horse?No but I have been on an elephant 108. What should you be doing?Sleeping fuck109. Is something irritating you right now?Yeah the fact I stayed up to do this instead of sleep 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Lol yeah but it's still always just a crush so You Know. 111. Do you have trust issues?Deja Vu (heart is speeding) 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I don't really cry in front of others... I can't even remember the last time I did. 113. What was your childhood nickname?Some of my relatives used to call me Nitu-kutti114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Ye, hell I'm in Boston right now! 115. Do you play the Wii?When I'm home but honestly n64 all the way116. Are you listening to music right now?Ye actually 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?No #vegetarian118. Do you like Chinese food?👍👍👌👌119. Favourite book?Don't really have one... 120. Are you afraid of the dark?I've got realer things to worry about these days... 121. Are you mean?I don't think so? Not intentionally at least 122. Is cheating ever okay?Lol no it's so easy to not cheat just break up with person a before going to do things with person b. 123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Lol I can't keep white anything clean124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Sure why not125. Do you believe in true love?Absolutely. Not in exclusive soul mates but definitely in love and romance. 126. Are you currently bored?I'm doing this aren't I127. What makes you happy?Podcasts, drawing, friendship, languages128. Would you change your name?Probably not, I like it but also idk what I would change it to :p129. What your zodiac sign?Aquarius ♒130. Do you like subway?I like taking The Subway. But no. 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Probably fuck it up horribly but somehow stay ok friends after a while in the end132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?You definitely already asked me this133. Favourite lyrics right now?"Oh, it's such a long and awful lonely fallDown from this pedestal that you keep putting me onWhat if I fall on my face?What if I make a mistake?If it's okay a little grace would be appreciated" - Idle Worship - Paramore134. Can you count to one million?I guess? But I'd rather not xD135. Dumbest lie you ever told?Dunno probably when I tell people I'm on my way somewhere when in reality I haven't even gotten out of bed and then get called out for being late :PP136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed137. How tall are you?6'1"138. Curly or Straight hair?Both are cute but straight probably looks better on me139. Brunette or Blonde?Either140. Summer or Winter?The opposite of what it is currently141. Night or Day?Night142. Favourite month?I love holiday season so december 143. Are you a vegetarian?👍👌✌️144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?Milk145. Tea or Coffee?Neither unless it's that good good Thai Iced Tea146. Was today a good day?Ye! 147. Mars or Snickers?Mars by a mile 148. What’s your favourite quote?Idk... I'm quite partial to "when nothing is going right, go left" 149. Do you believe in ghosts?Not really but I like the concept 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?"When they see things go well for someone else, they credit the environment: 'Joan really was lucky today; she just happened to be standing there when the boss came by, so she got all the credit for the project work.'" - The Design of Everyday Things - Don Norman

chapter thirty-two (the second hockey game)

October 31, 1988. Oswego, New York.

I never have had anything to speak of on my hockey mask: it's always been a plain white mask with nothing on it and the inside is patterned after my face. But given it's Halloween for our next round of hockey, I decided to glue some feathers on the front and clip a little lanyard of feathers on a piece of my hair. I missed sporting the feathers so much, running around with the big headdress atop my head like a crown. I feel I should also have a devil's tail stuck to the seat of my pants on top of that, but I don't have anything in my apartment that resembles to anything like that.

Oh, well.

Earlier this week, Morgan and Mrs. Hamilton took me grocery shopping and so now, congrats to me, I have a kitchen full of food! In fact, I went to bed last night feeling so full of pasta and tomato sauce. I woke up this morning feeling like a cat all curled up and cozy underneath all of my blankets. I didn't even mind the fact Vera stood there at the foot of my bed and gazed back at me in the darkness.

I'm leaving the place already wearing a white jersey with black sleeves and the feathers dangling on the side of my head, and my skates slung over my shoulder. As I'm walking towards the curb to await for Spence, I catch a glimpse up the street to the House of Grey. To think Maya isn't there anymore. I'm still haunted by the memory of her turning into a dragon back in Seattle. I can only imagine how Lars feels about it. But I hope she's alright.

Spence's car rolls up to the curb before me and I stick my things into the trunk before climbing into the front seat next to him. He looks refreshed and rested, which is always good news. The million dollar question now is how is Brick doing and will he even be there when we go to play for today.

“I still have some Good and Plenties in the glove box in case you get hungry,” he tells me as we're rolling up to the hockey rink.

“Nah, I'm good,” I assure him.

We climb out in unison and head on into the area with the benches. I'm straddling the bench, and tacking on my knee pads, and lacing up my skates when, through my bangs, I catch a glimpse of a pair of feet and the base of a stick striding up towards me. I sit upright to find Brick walking towards me with a smooth black cane in his hand.

“There he is!” I declare to him. He rubs his eye with his free hand once he stops before me.

“Here I am now,” he replies in a broken voice. “I think I'm gonna sit this one out, Joe. I'm just—not feeling it right now.”

“Okay,” I assure him as I put on the black leather gloves Ellen gave me. “That's alright. It's not like we're competing with each other or with someone else anyways.”

He groans inside of his throat which prompts a rub of his eye again.

“God, Joe, you're such a good captain.”

I shrug at that. “Eh. I try my best.”

“Really, though. There are just… too many bad eggs trying to sour our stomachs…” His voice trails off and that's when I stand up, still straddling the bench and holding my mask with one hand, and pat on the hard wood underneath me with the other.

“Here, man. Have a seat.”

“Oh, man, Joe—” He groans and grunts as he takes a seat right in front of me, struggling to bend his knees all the while. He heavily sits down on the bench with his cane right in between his legs. I climb off of the bench backwards so I'm right behind him once I'm standing up.

“Do you want anything?” I offer him as I hover right next to him. “Glass of water? A quick bite to eat over at Denny's?”

“No, no. It's okay. I just—need to catch my breath.”

I frown at him as I walk away from him to fetch my hockey stick.

Spence checked him out of the hospital and took him home last week. Surely, he could have brought his energy back up within a day or so. I know that would've been the case had it been me or either of us because we're strong enough. But no.

In fact—then again, I might just be overthinking it here, but he seems to be behaving a lot like Maya. I turn around to take one last look at him before I enter the rink and he's bowed over his lap, resting his head in his hands. His skin is pale, too.

But he's lacking that scar she has on her forehead. Maybe I am overthinking it. Who the hell knows.

Spence floats over to the entrance of the rink to let me inside.

“Those are new,” he points out the gloves on my hands.

“A very sweet but very sick old lady gave me these,” I reply in an almost absent tone; I glance over my shoulder one last time before I make contact with the ice. I gesture for him to come closer to me.

“Does Brick seem to be acting… strange to you?” I ask him in a low voice.

“Strange?” Spence glances back at him there on the bench on the other side of the wall. “Maybe sort of lethargic but I think strange is bit of a stretch, to be honest.”

“Well, you regained all your strength back, though,” I point out. “But then again, he's also the one who got injured. And cleared to play, too.”

Spence looks over at him again, this time with a bit of a scowl on his face.

“You know—now that I really think about it, yeah. He is acting a little… anemic, I wanna say. I was anemic for a couple of days after I donated to him. Such that I couldn't even drive. He got here just fine, though. He's kinda acting like that girl you found.”

“Maya.”

“Yeah. How she refuses to eat and shit, and Barney and Billy are both like 'she's all exhausted but we can't hardly keep two bites of food in her, she always spits it out.'”

“Huh.” I catch a glimpse of the two of them slipping through the gate themselves, both of them with starry wizard hats atop their heads. “Speaking of Barney and Billy—magic men.”

“Injun Joe,” Barney greets me, adjusting the strap underneath his chin in order to put on his mask.

“Pffff, Injun. That word has haunted me since I was a little boy. I should write a song about it—” I turn to Spence right as he's reaching into his pocket for something. “That reminds me, what's your costume?”

He takes out a sheet of paper and smacks it onto his chest. It's a big gold and red letter “S”.

“Superman?!” Billy exclaims.

“The 'S' man.”

“Nah, man, that's Superman!” I insist with a chuckle. “Pff, 'S' man—anyways. Let's get on it.”

I stop to put on my mask and we get right to playing. It's so strange playing without our goalie, and every so often, through the eyes of the mask, I take a look over at him there on the bench with his head bowed.

I don't think he looked up at us one time, even as we're nearing our first lunch break and I'm pretending like I'm about to make a winning shot. The edges of the blades grate over the ice as I'm flying along the rink with the stick out in front of me. I've got the puck right there and I'm about to make a big turn for a clear shot right across from the rink.

And I do it. And I see her apparition again, floating over the top of the wall in that eerie glow once again. I lift my mask up off my head to make sure I'm not hallucinating. I stand upright to make sure it really is in fact her.

“Maya—” I sputter out to her. “—Maya, what're you—?”

“HEAD'S UP!” Barney and Billy call out from behind me.

SMACK! ‘Head's up!’ Brick feebly hollers from down the rink. But it's too late: I’m hit and I’m spinning around on my skates. I almost lose my balance but I manage to tug myself back before I fall ass over teakettle on the ice. I straighten up but I'm dizzy. I lay a hand on my lower back where Barney hit me.

“You alright, man?” Spence calls out to me, the piece of paper on his chest fluttering with his movement.

“Yeah. Not the first time that happened to me, but still—” I groan and grunt as I'm stretching my back. Or maybe he hit me in the butt. Either way, it stings and hurts a lot and I'm grimacing.

“What you were even doing?” Barney asks me with a chuckle.

“Thought I saw something on the other side of the wall.”

“Well, it's funny you say that,” Billy points out, “'cause there is someone on the other side of the wall for you.” He points to the benches where Brick has probably lay down because I don't see him and Lars is standing before the entrance with his arms folded over his chest.

“Hey!”

“Oi!” he calls back to me. I show them the signal for time out and glide on over to him.

“What's up?” I greet him, taking my mask off all the way and leaning my elbow against the top of the wall. “How'd you know I was here?”

“I was over at Black Orchid with Lizzy and Morgan, and they both pointed out the overhead stadium lights to me from the front step. Morgan also told me you're a hockey player and that's what this was.”

“Well, that's—kinda the way true. I do it because I love it, like how I love singing and making music.”

He smirks and shakes his head.

“Exactly how I feel about tennis. Just a different beast, though. All of the sweat and the running around in the white shorts…”

“The late nights at Denny's, the long hard days of floating around on a patch of ice wearing nothing but knee pads and knives on your feet—it's pretty brutal. I dunno 'bout tennis, but… why do you think I have a hole in my teeth?”

“I came to see how you were doing, of course,” he greets me, reaching into the interior pocket of his coat for something, “and also to give you this.”

He takes out a black jewel case with the word “Soundgarden” imprinted on the front in bright white lettering. Beneath that reads “ULTRAMEGA OK” in big block lettering. I'm not sure what's on the cover itself.

“Dominique sent me a copy and one for you, too,” he explains.

“Oh, yeah, that's right!” I recall: they released their first album today!

“They're playing all the way over in Buffalo on Saturday, if you can believe that,” he informs me.

“I can,” I admit to him. “Buffalo's a lot bigger than you think, after all.”

He shows me a playful grin and I see where he's getting at here.

“So you wanna take me to go see Soundgarden,” I conclude. “This little band out of Seattle whom of which were an unknown to me until not even a week ago.”

“Yes. And since there's no cover charge, perhaps your buddies back here would like to join us.”

“That's gonna be a room full of trouble, I'm gonna tell you that right now.”

“Marcia and Sonia'll be there. So will Dominique and Nancy.”

I stick the tip of my tongue into the corner of my mouth as I gape at him. I peer over my shoulder at Spence, Barney, and Billy, all three of whom are milling about the ice.

“That's really gonna be a room full of trouble,” I remark.

No Waitrose October 6

Day 4

You know yesterday I bought some new milk from the fancy deli because the milk at home had mysteriously gone off? Well the milk from the fancy deli went off almost immediately as well! It would be a shock if I hadn’t predicted it would happen, because that’s what happens with the milk from the fancy deli. I think I’m going to have to officially boycott the milk from the fancy deli.

The person I live with noticed the milk had gone off when she was putting the three year-old we live with to bed last night. I was out at that awards do, so on the way home I had to pick up yet more milk. I got the last train home from London, which got back to Hove at almost 1am, so the only place open was the garage next to the station and I had to do that thing where you ask the garage person to go and get your stuff for you and they do it really resentfully. They only had green top as well, and we’re a blue top household, but I was in no position to complain. I do hate green top though.

Why is it ok to drink half-fat milk? I feel like it’s doubly insulting to the cow. “Look, we’ve imprisoned you and hooked you up to this machine to steal your milk, and then we’re going to take all the tasty stuff out of your milk and make it really boring. Yes, it is a bit weird isn’t it.”

Thanks to the quite large amount of wine I drank at them awards I have been feeling low-level rancid all day and having mad thoughts, apologies.

Anyway, last night I was furious about the milk being off and a bit drunk so when I got home I took it out on the contents of the fridge, which I had decided were to blame for making the milk go off. It’s weird how chucking some Stilton away made me feel better about the situation.

Today I trailed down to the big Sainsburys in East Grinstead at lunchtime to buy stuff for tea. Going to make some super boring pasta Bolognese thing, wasn’t much inspiration in Sainos. I did get some American-style measuring cups that were reduced to clear though, I’ve been meaning to get some for ages, now I can bake things from American recipes. Might make a cobbler. What even is a cobbler?

Took my suit back to the hire shop as well. The woman who served me yesterday was all “Did you win?” and I had to be all “Nah, but I had a nice time”. That’s true actually, I had some nice champagne and some lamb and talked to a man who commutes from the Lake District to London everyday. It’s £500 a day on the train but he doesn’t pay it. I couldn’t work out who did pay it.

The awards were presented by DJ/presenter Colin Murray, he was a better than average corporate awards show presenter. Corporate awards are really boring, something he compensated for by being super enthusiastic and swearing a lot, which worked well.

I’m writing this at work and am just about to set off and collect everyone and go home and make the pasta Bolognese for tea and fall asleep. Hopefully the milk will have survived, I’m not sure my brain can take any more milk spoilage.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY ‘18! 

We decided to celebrate early because we are such old souls, we do not want to head home after work, dress up, head out and then regret it the next morning at 7am, which is the timing we are due to wake up for the, life sucking yet very very required in order to eat, job we have. 

So we celebrated the weekend before that. Being my usual high maintenance self, I chose 1919 Waterboat House for dinner. I wanted to dine on the rooftop bar instead of the indoor restaurant (which I insanely adore btw!!!!!), bcos I wanted a front view of The Fullerton Hotel. Oh, Fullerton, you fucking rock my world. 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE ARCHITECTURE. I love majestic, victorian and romantic buildings the most - they have a special place in my heart. But truth be told, the view that night was mediocre bcos they had this gigantic umbrella for the live band which ruined the ambience I feel. And the FUL of Fullerton was not lit up lol. But still, very very romantic and dreamy. The Fullerton Hotel is probably my fav building in Singapore. EVER. Anyway, they didn’t serve dinner up on the rooftop, so we decided on Prive for dinner. I mean it overlooks the Singapore River at Boat Quay. Plus it’s at ACM, their buildings are of the same theme as Fullerton, so duh? 

PS Cafe as our last stop was actually pretty impromptu, we were craving their double chocolate cake bcos all we had was a small plate of pasta (nigel ong had a burger with a side of chips), 2 glasses of prosecco and some fries. Ah, PS Cafe you win my heart and stomach. Not so much my wallet, but everything else. The place, the food, the service. I love you. Ok la, you too la Nigel Ong

I looked a little like a fool celebrating Valentine’s Day 5 days in advance, but prices were already being jacked up since 8 Feb wtf. BLOOD SUCKERS!!! (Or cock suckers? hm???) I love love love the roses Nigel ong got me, but they were a little bit more rustic and a little less commercialised looking I think I would have loved it even more. But thanks la, I never hiam, i am just giving constructive criticism on being original 

So today, the actual day, I had actually ordered 2 different bouquets from 2 different florists to be delivered to my best friend, Zee and Nigel Ong. I signed off anonymously on both just to have some fun with them. 

Zee’s card read: Happy Valentine’s Day! Her bouquet was to be delivered between 9am to 5pm to her office. But WHAT IN THE FUCKERY WENT WRONG WAS she had to leave her office by 2pm to attend to an event. LOL so the flowers will never get to her la. Plus she doesn’t have to go back to the office tmr bcos her office somehow just kindly gave them the day off. Fuck u la, usually benefits like shit (AL only 10 days) but suddenly give day off??? So the flowers from me to her will be rotting in her office for the next 5 days. Considering it’s ph for her from 15 - 18 feb ugh!!! i hope the flowers don’t die 

So, Nigel Ong’s card read something along the line like: hey, you dk me but i’ve liked u for quite some time alr and i know u have a gf etc etc. And in the DELIVERY NOTE I wrote “Please make an entrance while delivering, make sure the whole office can hear HAHAHA thankssss” LOL the delivery dude just conveniently left this delivery advice on his flowers. Obviously nigel ong would realise it’s me bcos he knows im a lameass bitch ??? But i guess i achieved 50% of what i was looking for, i was looking to embarrass him HAHA his colleague brought the flowers up from security and passed it to him HAHAHAHAH 

So he called me and i was still trying so hard to deny it was me (i already had my lines planned btw, i would be all like OMG WHAT A BITCH WHO IS IT HAVE U BEEN CHEATING ON ME???) but he told me about the delivery advice and i  was internally bleeding. 

BLEEDING BCOS IM OUT 200 BUCKS BUT NO ONE GOT TRICKED FML. The florist probably thought I was some kind of skank that had the audacity to send some other girl’s bf flowers on v day professing her love lol that’s why the bouquet he received also looked quite dead 

But i am glad i made so many ppl’s days from my valentine’s day failure pranks. I AM GLAD I MADE U GUYS LAUGH at me.

fml

Xx

ahahahah yeah the depression ikr

oh yeah it’s clyde *jazz hands*

oof rip my dads house has too much food he just can’t cook so once he gave me chicken nuggets for lunch three freaking days in a row. by the end i was just giving my lunch to my friend who actually likes the nuggets bc sigh

*hands u a muffin* here eat friend (don’t eat friend just eat, friend)

haha indeed it is

ms... frizzle... adopt me.... challenge.... i don’t even know what that is or how to respond to it or just what????

yeahhhh i guess same people just think i’m weird

i’m also known as “the smart one” which never really helps anything

idk about the sibling thing? it’s nice depending on your mood tbh

hehe yeah it’s weird tho that ppl who can’t do math and science “aren’t trying hard enough” but ppl who cant do art and music “it just isn’t for them”

another example of how fucked up society is

ohhhh i love chemistry that’s cool :)

same friend same

ahahaha good advice murder good but a clean shiny sword is better soooooo it’s kinda a hard choice there

hehe it’s fine we all have our days where life just sucks

oooooh tbh i love light brown hair. literally everyone i know has dark black hair so that’s so cool.

yeah, my hair is dark brown but three years ago i had it purple (which resulted in my math teacher calling me violet for the whole year, not that that’s a bad thing), and then pink

sadly no i’m just sharing a library card with my sister bc she has one for a library that actually works

and now for ur questionnnnnnnnn: *loud anticipation music*

okay my teacher literally just said “what can you do when you live in a shoe” and i sort of want to throw something at the screen. oh and now i’m getting more homework. yay *dies*

right! question: ummmmmmmm what’s ur favourite book (or series)?

*waves* adios ;)

Wat is up homie!!!

We have food but it’s all like. Frozen pasta so same deal and I’m like ewwwww I might walk into town for actual food sometime today. Then again maybe not I’m lazy.

Why thank u for the muffin!!!

Oh I was just making a joke about how I want a competent mother don’t worry about it lol

I am also the smart one which is like rip since I’m not that smart lmaooooo

It really is weird isn’t it, like I promise I’m trying my brain just doesn’t do that very well. Also math and science are usually taught in such a soul-sucking way that it’s really hard to be interested in it even if you want to be. Like ik some people are but more people would be if it was taught different.

Fuck society all my homies hate society

Chem is fun if you arent doing it virtual like I am. Like this it’s not nice at all tho :(((

Ok but consider: murder good and then clean the sword make it shiny again everyone wins (/j)

Sword maintenance is the most fun part lol i love cleaning my sword

Awwwww that’s sweet of u I like dark brown/black hair is very beautiful. My hair is nice and thick though which is fun

Oof well I’m still glad you get some books :)

Lmao is that a saying? I was unaware. It’s kinda funny though. Rip homework I still have some history to do which I do Not want to do but it’s ok I’ll do it later this afternoon.

My favorite book is The Shining Company by rosemary sutcliff it’s a medieval ballad type book but it’s pros and anyways it’s really pretty and makes me very happy. What’s yours?

P.S. thoughts on my publicly dueling someone for being a dick to one of my close friends over the group chat: yea or nay

:) until next time bro!!