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skrunksthatwunk · 11 months

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so a thing that my brain does on the reg is it makes me get nervous about a scenario (ranging from probably-won't-happen to Definitely-Won't-Happen) and then i have to spend like 40 minutes meandering my way through an improv youtube apology video until my brain feels like I've addressed the scenario about as well as i can and lets me move on. usually this comes in the form of like

you accidentally said a forbidden slur (i.e. one i can't reclaim) while streaming/in a group conversation and now have to explain that your brain misfired catastrophically hard and that you've never said this word before (true) And You Have To Do It Well Enough To Be Believed

because like. i wouldn't believe that guy either, y'know? most people in that situation just cross that bridge when they get to it and do pretty bad, so maybe my brain is trying to help prepare me via interrogation. my point is that i spend a lotta my spare time pacing in my bathroom fending off theoretical murder charges (which are either phony OR true OR a secret third thing depending on the day).

as soon as i woke up this morning my brain gave me a new one:

what if people accuse you of faking your (middling) knowledge of french? and also you're a celebrity and have to prove it by speaking french live on a talk show or something.

which like. good morning to you too, brain. the first thing i did was (slowly, mediocrely) construct an appropriately indignant sentence in my head (i haven't used french since my ap exam like a month ago) and then

BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK SOMEONE FED ME THE LINE

ok we'll have the audience write in questions live

WHAT IF THEY STILL THINK IT'S RIGGED AND ALSO WHAT IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE ASKING ((<- LIKELY AND UNCHARACTERISTICALLY ROOTED IN LIVED EXPERIENCE!!!)) WHICH WOULD PROBABLY MAKE IT WORSE

girl that's The Most i can do what do you want from me.

and then once i woke up more i had a realization in that blasted out, quiet way—like an astronaut drifting away from their ship untethered, forever. that

the prognosis of taking american public high school language courses is to remember jack shit (pardon my french). it's a classic babe it's near universal. we all know we don't know.

Babygirl, (And I Cannot Express This Enough,) No One Is Ever Going To Make You Speak French Live In ~5-40 Years To Prove You Took It In High School. Go Back To Sleep. there's only like two scenarios you can think of ever where that happens and there's like a 70+% chance you can just say no or ignore it. what a weird thing to fake in the first place too who would even accuse you of that.

anyway sometimes being a citizen of Braintown is funny and not exhausting in a kind of sad clown way but it's usually just kind of awful. something something c'est la vie

#held captive to the world's saddest strangest most confused lump of meat sitting in juice getting zapped with electricity ever #i cant tell if it's hard mode scripting or if i just fully have compulsions about this in ways im only realizing now #sorry if the formatting is a bit much this used to be a big wall of text and i thought yhis would make it more digestible #anyway i have Tendencies and Thoughts i should get Evaluated For because what the shit IS that #the sentence was smth like 'je deteste le tache donnez-moi hier soir' which like. shoulda been ce soir dumbass god get it together #(<- actually just glad i haven't forgotten it. also idk if the donnez-moi is right. every time i use hyphenated verb-pronoun stuff im #flying by the seat of my pants. also i think the 'je deteste' was different but idr how so there's what i prolly woulda done instead)#FUCK IT'S LA TACHE??? GOD THEY'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE ME #making a new tag for these:#skrunk story hour #in case you want more of my stunning 2 notes talespinning #me: oh if i have ocd it's pure. also me: (see above)#idk idk. fully not sure tbh. but the fact that they tend to align with the intrusive thought subject matter (moral concerns) doesn't seem #coincidental to me.#but then again the fear of doing wrong vs the fear of being accused/misconstrued (often justifiably) are separate (albeit fused for me)#anyway tell me you had to go lawyer mode with your parents to justify feeling/wanting anything without telling me that. yes im blaming them #it all comes back baby. you can't buy fear of confrontation this bad in stores you have to grow it yourself #oh also im not going back and tagging old story times unless i happen to see ppl interacting them and remember bc i usually didnt tag them #and it would be a nightmare to dig through like 8 months of blog for it. sorry 🫶#i know im sorry. no one likes those posts better than me so i for sure know and am sorry #rare skrunk intrusive thoughts L where i can just look at it and go girl no. not only no but absolutely not. but only after i do the #homework it gives me about it. hell on earth #etc etc. moving on now

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anarchywoofwoof · 6 months

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Hello, Thank You For Being Here (Pt. 2)

backups: bluesky | neocities

in just a few short weeks, it will be a new year, so why not a new pinned post. old pinned post can be found here.

for those of you who have never visited my blog and for those who have been following me over the last few months, welcome to the jungle, baby.

my name is biddy. that is a nickname that i earned by being known for accidentally pushing the wrong button at a previous job... many... many times. my pronouns are literally whatever i do not care. by default, i go by he/him/his but feel free to use whatever floats your canoe.

here's the rest of the basics:

Name: Biddy [nickname]

Pronouns: Any [default: he/him]

Age: 33

Relationship Status: Taken [@thatcrazywitch]

Political Affiliation: Anarchocommunist

Occupation: Technology

Hobbies: Writing, Poetry, Graphic Design, Digital Archival, Movies & Television, Video Games, Photography, and many more.

Neurodiversity & Health: ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, Contamination OCD, Depression, Dyspraxia, Chronic Fatigue & possibly EDS (undiagnosed, suspected)

if you fall into one of the following categories, do not interact with my blog or expect a fair amount of hostility, as well as a report + block:

MAGA/Conservative/Libertarian/Republican

Homophobe/Transphobe/TERF

Racist/Bigot

Zionist

Science Denier (Anti-Vax, Climate Skeptic, Flat Earther, etc.)

Intolerant Religious Zealot (Hardline Christian, Hardline Muslims, Hardline any religion, etc.)

here are some things that you can expect to find on my blog. tagging is an ongoing work in progress, but you will consistently find the following posts in my archive:

My thoughts and various ramblings: #text, #bork bork thoughts Ask Responses: #borking back Tumblr/Blog related: #meta My dog: #sweet princess peregrine Other dogs: #anarchodogism Cats: #cats on the bork blog Movies/Television: #borking at the movies, #movies Anti-Capitalist sentiment: #fuck capitalism, #anticapitalist, #anticapitalism Anarchoposting: #anarchy, #anarchism, #anarchist OC Graphics: #oc, #learning photoshop through play OC Poetry: #oc, #poetry, #poetry on main Non-OC Memes: #memes, #not oc Wholesome Posts: #happy borks if i fail to tag something appropriately or reblog from someone detestable, please message me or send me an anonymous ask and let me know. do not reblog my posts with passive aggressive tags or comments. you will be publicly addressed as a nincompoop and then blocked. this is the only warning i will give.

my sense of humor is also very deadpan/sarcastic, so please forgive me ahead of time if i make you feel unwelcome. feel free to reach out and chat or send asks if you feel inspired to do so. i love every one of you, and thank you for visiting.

biddy

#pinned intro

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sydthetiel · 6 months

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Update Time!

I'm not completely out of the woods yet, but some serious burdens/guilt have been lifted.

Family friend came again today, brought me another grocery order, which has a new can opener (this one better fucking work) and some more cold foods to last the week and stuff. Eggs, salad, etc. I can feel a little better about what I'm putting into my body besides canned crap, without having to spend hours to make it.

She helped me get a huge chunk done of what all those aides were supposed to do with me. We went through foods and organized, cleaned my "ration rack" (which is, as it sounds, a rack which holds the rations for days I can't get out of bed. Chips, crackers, croissants, poptarts, cookies, etc. All the snackies, and some extra drinks, so I no longer have to sleep with all of them.) Ahhh wonderful. It's also out of my path now for trying to get to my office where Syd is currently located. No more squeezing and side stepping. Mentally, that's a load off. Clutter and mess trigger my OCD bad enough to hit me real hard with depression and hopelessness. It's the biggest reason why hoarder Rex is so bad for me.

Syd's new water bowl came. As expected, it was too big to fit in such a tiny hospital cage. It was a two person job to take the top off and install it, and it takes up so very much of the cage. I held Syd, while friend put the top of the cage back on. The sight was so fucking depressing. Friend says to me "I'm gonna buy her a bigger cage." And of course, cages are expensive, so I told her that, and explained this one is so small because it's literally all I could afford, and I feel like the worst dad ever for it. And of course, at this point, we're both crying, because my baby girl deserves better than a tiny fucking cramped piece of shit where she can't even spread her fucking wings, but it's impossible to bring her home cage into my office. It ain't gettin' up the stairs, or through the doorways. Dear fucking gods, no. Friend insists, "We're gonna order a cage today, on your phone, before we leave." And she did. It'll be here in roughly a week. It should (better) be big enough, and it's quite lovely. It has a stand, so I can store her food and all that, and will make an exceptional hospital cage, where Bean can flap and be happy and well cared for. I am in fucking tears. Her gofundme is still up, for vet stuff, but this is fucking HUGE for us! She also said she'll take us to the vet for another Lupron injection, since Syd's horny again, and said she'd pay for the shot!! <333

Between sobbing about trying to figure out how to pay for van repairs, a new hot water heater, and a new furnace, and a shut off notice for the electric because once again Rex didn't pay it, not having to worry about shelling out an extra $100 or so on a hormone injection is just... such a fucking weight lifted.

On top of that, Daddy's getting some needs met, too now! She assembled my shoe rack! No more bending or tripping over all my shoes! They're right there! Aaaand I finally have my new massager. It's been sitting in a fucking filthy box for like two years, and she helped me get it clean, so now I have that. As soon as I got situated in bed tonight, I tried it out. The pleasure screams I felt as it massaged the knots out of my agonizing back and shoulders is just... oh gods. Probably sounded like a whole ass orgy up in here. Actual goddamn pain relief! PAIN RELIEF!!!!!!

I ate twice today, and finally had some decent hydration, too. Huge boost. I no longer detest the idea of my chicken and gravy tray. Meal plan for tomorrow!

Sunday, she's coming back, and we're gonna tackle some more stuff. I can't fucking wait. I mean, I would really love a weekend with my girlfriend, and some rest, but also, just... a clean environment is so fucking good for my mental health. And it makes me happy that they'll take all the outdated foods I won't eat, so I don't have to feel like a douchebag for wasting it and throwing it out. They're happy to eat it, and I feel like I can give something back for all the help, while also clearing out all the space.

We got a game plan for downstairs, and will start making dents in that.

But honestly... This huge chunk done today is... the kind of support I needed to feel like I might actually survive? I mean... it's still grim. The debts, the bills, the taxes not being paid. The gofundme is still just as fucking urgent as ever in order to not go homeless. In order to get heat and hot water and transportation back. But I don't feel quite as stranded and alone.

We most definitely still need like $2,000 for the van repairs, and $3,000 for the water heater and furnace, and uh... like $6,000 for the backed taxes and another $5,000 for this year's taxes.

But I don't have to cry about not being able to give Syd a better cage, or Lupron, and I have some better access for my own self care. Pain relief is so wonderful. Especially when healthcare providers are failing me so miserably.

Gofund.me ($5 min donation according to their standards) Other options (as much or as little as you can spare <3): Ven.mo: @rroche90 Pay.pal: Rory Roche (Can't miss my portrait of Dean Winchester!)

#birds #cockatiels #cockatiels of tumblr #bird dad #birds of tumblr #sydney bean #birb #birdsoftumblr #cockatiel #update

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gromellette · 1 year

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what's your thought crime Opinions

how nice of you to ask!

as a disclaimer, this is less about the commonly discussed concepts of mental illness & harmless sexual/romantic fantasies seen under the original post and more about the less than normal kinds of thoughts that can be harder to talk about in a neutral way for a lot of people. proceed with caution, i suppose.

i don't have anything to say about thought crime that hasn't already been said, i think. but i do hold, from my experience, controversial & unpopular opinions surrounding thoughts, desires, attractions, urges, and feelings vs. actions where it relates to violence and sexuality.

i don't immediately reign judgement on people who experience some or all of the above surrounding the likes of incest, pedophilia, necrophilia, bestiality, non/dubious consent/rape, mutilation/murder, etc. these things would be undoubtedly unethical and, to most, detestable to act on, but simply experiencing those feelings & thinking those thoughts & having those urges or desires is not something i'm interested in demonizing someone for. human beings are incapable of controlling their thoughts/feelings/attractions. if we weren't, we would never feel anxiety or grief or anger, people with OCD & intrusive thoughts would eliminate them before they appeared, queer people in conservative spaces and/or grappling with internalized homophobia would simply choose to not be queer. we know this isn't how it works, so why would it be any different for the unsavory ones, the socially unacceptable?

this isn't to say it's just chill that some people sit around having fantasies about certain things; i do think destigmatizing needs to also come with unpacking and rehabilitation where appropriate and measures to prevent violent acts, but the cultural obsession with morality is probably my biggest gripe with the conversation surrounding violent thoughts and violence in general; how morality is the highest priority, the means by which we must categorize the world in terms of "good" people and "bad" people, the end all be all to understanding and solving the issue of violence and, therefore, the only thing that really matters when observing these categorically "bad" people². all this, despite the fact that morality is entirely subjective and does nothing to actually prevent or treat violence because one's perception of right and wrong varies widely from person to person depending on endless variables. contrary to popular belief, the world cannot be broken down into such simple parts; good and bad, right and wrong, just and unjust. the world is nuanced, gray, and not altogether easy to understand.

i'm as passionate as i am about this (and about protecting freedom of speech and expression in fictional media where this topic is concerned too, another conversation altogether) because the shame and dehumanizing that happens in response to someone expressing violent thoughts or compulsions is what ultimately leads to real life harm¹. i believe it's important to foster an environment where people can feel comfortable talking about these things because with that comes feeling comfortable asking for help and preventing violence from the start, which is ultimately what we want, right? to listen to, show compassion for, and aid people with "immoral" thoughts (and predators, while we're at it) is to participate in creating a safe community for everyone³.

punishment begets more violence, not less, and it's troubling how popular the opposite sentiment seems to be. i'm frankly tired of seeing people make black and white moral judgements that are not at all black and white (i.e. thinking about something one has never acted on). it's okay to feel a way about things but, as far as i'm concerned, a person's actions are far more important than what goes on inside their head, or what they choose to write, draw, read, or watch for that matter (unless it's legitimate pornography involving real life parties right like obviously that is very bad because it results in and perpetuates real life harm, lets be reasonable here BUT even in these cases, the answer is not to demonize. there could be cases in which a person might very well be incapable of change or remorse (debatable) and in those cases, sure, but i believe the majority of the time such violence can be not only treated, but prevented by recognizing their humanity and doing what we can to foster it. the ultimate goal being, of course, to prevent violence. but i digress, that is another conversation also lol)

¹ James Gilligan has talked extensively on this topic, the correlation between shame & violence, and how treatable and preventable it really is if we could dispel the notion that predators are inhuman, some sort of separate evil species incapable of treatment and understanding and "deserving" of punishment. His book, Preventing Violence, is a great place to start, or this interview if you can't access it (highly recommend, it is a fascinating read). ² See also James Gilligan. Morality is the Problem, where he talks about morality as a means to justify violence on both sides of the coin.

³ i also feel it necessary to make clear that it's not anyone's, and particularly any victim's, responsibility to bear the burden of showing compassion to or otherwise protecting someone who has harmed or wanted to harm others. i just hope to highlight the importance of recognizing and considering the humanity in those individuals because the most effective way of changing someone for the better is allowing them the space to do so, should they be receptive to it. because monsters don't exist, human beings who do unforgivable things do. and, yes, even those human beings need compassion from others.

#yes i enjoy gilligan and look for any opportunity to share his work is that so wrong #our matching icons btw...... love #grom #asks #is this unpopular & controversial or am i yelling at a wall btw #bc in my circles it definitely is but maybe my circles are just... less open minded? understandably so too like #i understand peoples gut reaction to these things and where it comes from and its obviously a very natural response #i just feel we should try to be more pragmatic & less reactionary in our pursuit of preventing harm #idk let me know what you think if you so desire lol #and ty for letting me ramble!

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madewithspice · 2 years

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Hello! I saw you're doing matchups. Can I request one for AOT?

I'm INTP, cis woman, ace/aro. I like playing games, video, tabletop, board, but don't have much time to do it, as there's always something more important to do and there are only 24 hours.

I don't form relationships, I move a lot, am an introvert at that. Kind of used to meeting people for few days, learning them and moving on. But I'm kind of bothered by it, I guess. No pets, but I'd be fine with a cat, I respect them for being independent. No items of significance, my room is rather plain and functional, no teddy bears, no posters, occasional cable or Arduino.

I have a problem with knees (malformed bone structure) since birth, I was hospitalised after playing football with my younger sister when I was ten or so. Never done much of physical activity after that. Focused on teaching her maths and coding instead. She's quite good at it now.

I enjoy eating food, but I need to prepare it myself - there's too much seasoning, I prefer to taste the ingredients, not the spices. I don't like sweets either, prefer water over coffee or tea. I don't enjoy cooking itself, it's just something to be done.

I prefer busy city to quiet suburbs, there's anonymity in crowd. Even if it might be too loud at times.

I don't care about my look too much, don't wear make up. I'm 160cm, skinny, and wear glasses, having an OCD over them being touched.

My father died when I was very young, my mom is usually busy all the time with her work. I'm ok at school, won some coding competitions. I have a problem with authorities and detest doing stuff when I'm told to, to a point of being self-destructive, but I guess it's age thing, so I'm not bothered by it too much.

I've been told more then once that I don't have feelings, it was quite painful to hear that. I think it's because I try to rationalize and see the reasoning behind various events, most of them being out of my control. Tbh when I re-read this I come off as depressed af. I think I'm just used to being introspective, I'm actually rather happy.

Hi. Hope you’re well.

I match you with Zeke Yeager

You and Zeke go well together personality wise, you both are very logical and seem cold hearted but are actually not. Being so similar gives you both a sense of comfort in each other especially when others pick at your actions. You both bonded after a debate in which you argued back and forth until it felt like you had known him for ages.

Zeke and you both are not feelings people but weirdly it’s comfortable for the two of you. To find comfort in another without doing any of the actual couple stuff. That’s not to say you don’t do simple things like cooking for each other or talking about things that interest you.

Zeke is great at calming you down when your emotions are flying high. He knows you well enough to bring you back down to earth and will comfort you.

#attack on titan #aot headcanons #aot hcs #aot x you #aot x reader #aot zeke #zeke yeager #zeke yeager headcanons #zeke headcanons #attack on titan zeke #zeke x reader #zeke x you #zeke yaeger x reader #aot matchup #anime matchups #anime hcs #matchups #sfw blog

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trauma-healingcore · 6 months

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Welcome!

In an effort to think more positively, i've decided to make a blog about healing. You can call me/us V, and we use he/they.

I detest the idea of going into my specific medical history but for the purposes of this blog, a lot of my content may center around what plagues my brain.

Diagnosed with: ADHD, OCD, (C)PTSD, GAD, Depression

My therapist agrees I have a dissociative disorder, (work in progress) and I suspect I am autistic as well.

I follow from my main blog!

I am also a new fan of precure which helps me cope in a positve way so you may see some of that here as well! When cure whip said "You can't have my feelings!" it really resonated with me, so she is the blog mascot!

#mental health #positivty #trauma recovery

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tielt · 2 years

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This weird OCD fever dream is perhaps well described by a friends similar expression of one who said, "I dreamed I had to put on wet socks." Spoiler break for the four-bar tetris block dropped on the wrong side of the screen rendition & for a stupidly-long shanty-rant. ye bin warned.

Slept in and was running late to a final exam. With a ways to go yet, I was headed by what was my current go-to for food cafe. I sat down outside and saw a friend come out to take my order. As I was waiting my anxiety about the final stewed, no-one came outside for quite some time and it felt that for whatever reason it was not comprehendable to disturb the patrons inside. There was food on the table that was not anything I would order; oddly & without a delivery. It seemed abruptly true that it was already too late for me to make the exam. Suddenly instinct overwhelmed my `good` senses, I stood up having eaten much of the meal which I recognized as some permutation I uniquely detested, nautious.

Briskly I hurried away towards the school. "Who was the waitress," thinking she simultaneously looked like both off the Indian women I spent several years working beside, "I don't have prosopagnosia ...weird". Strangely the path ahead was unfamiliar. A grassy hill tapered downhill and out of sight. Need to hurry it's in this direction. Suddenly, I remembered I didn't pay, and regardless that it was a close friend this was serious trouble, "...could I ever return." Simultaneous to this new knowing that I had to turn back, my feet slipped and the way ahead after a short distance was a pitch black void rectangle in my visual field that could only be described as being an event horizon of a black hole.

Somehow I regained my senses many miles downhill and away from both desparate destinations, near where they charge you a fiver to get to the airport in East Oakland. Disdainfully realizing I forgot my wallet and my bike on the street near where I ate, I was overwhelmed by the feeling, "you can't get there from here." ...

After waking up and sidescrolling and cat petting for a bit, the best part of the day even if impregnated with depression, I got in the shower. After washing my face as I usually do first off, I got that sensation that you get after washing your hands before you've dried them, but on my face. "Is this the bad place"

...

like fuuuuuuuuuuuck, that lucille font isn't a gruesome enough tone.

Stupid-world problem. This may have happened because I spent an entire day redialling my Zsa moonlander, which if you've ever quit the qwerty keys even temporarily you understand how it feels; what even were humans before. I guess as a programmer you have a hard version, did you know we use every symbol on the typical keyboard in a seemingly irreplacable way? I suppose some Chinese, Japanese, Indian programmers or their likeness are absolute wizards at extreme variations |& english. Though what I'm up to is attempting to retire my right hand to do work purely for the devil; I'm kidding I have brain damage; it retired itself. I have been somewhat successful in applying absurd density to my left wing, I plan to document the trials and failures when my configuration stabilizes a bit farther, every change costs a lot and it is often hard to see the value of the commitment. It takes maybe a year to not be shit. I use dynamic code snippets a lot now and have a pile of bash aliases/scripts.

Now that I've explicated it's virtue, here is our sponsor Zsa. Of course I'm kidding, they did however replace a device I was honest about my accidentally breaking of, also they seamed to on the day of reporting it, fix a firmware bug that was disruptive. Way better experience than I expected. A lot of super-users in tech and entertainment are their patrons i think or was it from them i heard that. They have my poisoned endorsement regardless. oof, it is hard being ugly.

I had this joke scene play in my head one day, of re-enacting the sword-fight from Princess Bride with a friend of mine who also has M.S. When reaching the point, "I'm going to tell you something you do not know, I am not left handed." Then i'd start flailing about like a used car-lot gumbi baloon or as if I am a robot made by Simone Giertz. They would then visibly struggle as if against the air itself and then follow that with, "I will also," and then flail about as I did. I imagine someone seeing that without ever watching Princess Bride. Oof, it takes all kinds is a profoundly stupid statement. Look what you did, now we have Hitler to thank for all this wonder. "Stuff white people like" is an abuse of the narrative, don't they know where this rope we're hanging our-self with came from. The only people who've ever tasted a real party were in Berlin when the wall came down that is where the real techno came from, duh.

ActuallllY. Not everyone is an artist.

So a bunch of frat boys wanted to create a site to rate how pretty each bitch they know is.

Now we are all that bitch.

Rimshot, I'll be here all night.

Being trans really jostles that joke.

Not sure if meta is the principle I mean maybe it's recursive because there is something self referential, but it's only funny cause the expression itself invokes some vaguely ironic attribute aside non-vague camp that would really prefer to be more sentient than is allowed to be in binary. Don't bite the hand that doesn't feed you, wait what fresh hell is this.

A coworker I worked with at a cafe once told me "the entirety of Finnegans Wake was written while James Joyce was having a whiz."

Not sure how or why, but this edge-lord claim has managed have serious long term affects. I'm not saying I believed it but at this point I've spent half my life wondering and I need a professional or an adult.

Perhaps it's been the fact that of the thousands of times up till recently I've thought about this I didn't care to pick it up to try to ascertain the odd claim to be true nor to check out literature of a centuries most well known writer being in the midst of his chaos-lord stage. It took him a decade to write it right? I also have no idea if this came up in a class as actual discourse, or if it was an official q-anon miss-information network packet. Cracks me up trying to learn about it cause there are these random guru types espousing it to transcendental extra-elevated subliminality. Is it like the conservatives "noble savage" rhetoric, but for cat-lords? Are they serious? Truly bizarre from my perspective. This is a poem I wrote for my friend, hope you're still hilarious. I am still casually protecting my ignorance to keep your dream alive.

nerve torrents - eddies tension of surface - chaos of making concious locality a flux unit or measure of thunk Algol focus of attention on a tensor regulation of memory for compute/io tension is there an entity in the universe that can thunk once how many sig. digits could be enough to move TF on or is a quanta not integrate-able or seperable of context how could anything be not context is the entire universe a quanta like this? could the universe be one very long run on sentence would even a Frenchman say god is of their likeness someone made the decision to do that thing the naked gun? the invasion of Russia? "full of sound and fury signifying nothing" much ado in the elevator Shakespeare just departed can you really not get a gift that keep on giving from a toilet seat if we had ears near our junk would we call an std a ear worm surface tension is only the illusion of security the future can only be determined yesterday can there truly be a hard edge or closure to anything, ever if time were reversed, would Hawking radiation be of certainty I'm not a docter, but nether am I is yodeling an act of violence meat tenderizers make perfect sense "a life on the colonies awaits"

...

If a tree falls in typescript was it modern techno feudalism or just the normal kind. Maybe there will be a in hindsight 2020 moment but we're probably already past that which; wait who owns the robot army. Anyway i quit video games many months ago to do some seriously oops I'm broke again; flossing. I'm exhausted, it is difficult to see why even, when you mostly burning energy to flux your brain plasticity; again. This WALL-OF-TEXT was brought to the service of all humankind by one hand.

~angelic organs~

Did you know that people in Japan don't believe they will ever not wear masks in public again? Even students. After spending time there and living with an ex-pat partner, I don't think I understood or I guess fully believed that they live by the saying, "You see a nail sticking out you hammer it in." In inversion architecture, basically it's like a friend of mine who came to the U.S. said that she was made uncomfortable that the buildings are all directly | vertical | quite unlike Venezuela, but conceptually imagined for properness of people. I guess I didn't entirely `believe` something could be a cultural absolute that isn't a general human absolute; like in that way. I'm a real gringo after all.

I'd like to re-recommend Severance as a real mood for anyone who's facing reintegration debilitation and ready to look the inherent violence of corpo life in the face. I guess cause it's the ones that you know. Considering a more centrist they/them approach because I'm honestly running on fumes but I know that would be even harder. Started going by she/they towards the end of my last job, but i think it was suitable because it I felt I could become casually enby after getting to know my captors. Might actually have to move if I don't find work in PDX, ugh stress. Hi I am zeta, & I'm on the spectrum. Which spectrum? All positions... Don't apologize for being yourself I think is good advice, do we do that to fake being humble? How do you humble without performativity? We literally don't suddenly fly to pieces because there is enough of us and everything else to wait what is this a peanut gallery or molten lava. Never-mind the complete ignorance of the 'weak' force that keeps everything from imploding. ok, so I'm feeling my keys are configured better now. Renton moment - now I just need another hit o the caffeine then I will be ready to code pfft, choose life!

#WALL-O-TEXT

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pulsar-ray · 2 years

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i cannot calm down enough to eat. this is not pog

#ocd my detested

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anarchywoofwoof · 15 days

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Hello, Thank You For Being Here (Pt. 3)

other links: twitch | bluesky | neocities

side blogs: @toocoolforghoul & @in-the-woods

old pinned post

hello. my name is biddy. my pronouns are whatever, but you can use he/him if that makes it easier. i am a degenerate Anarchist dog from the Midwestern United States. i am 33 years old and taken (@thatcrazywitch). i am AuDHD, i suffer from severe anxiety, cptsd, depression, contamination OCD, and dyspraxia.

this blog serves as the primary source for my thoughts, feelings, ramblings, shitposts, life happenings, art, and whatever else crosses my mind. the topics will vary wildly, but you can expect a lot of the following:

anarchist and leftist agitprop

general us political news and opinions

world news

climate change/environmental news

poetry, prose, and other writing

random personal diatribes

animals

memes

silly text posts

photos of my dog

i find DNIs pointless, but i would ask if you are a TERF, transphobe, zionist, hardline religious zealot, or otherwise a fascist, for you to unkindly go fuck yourself. this blog is an unyielding ally to all marginalized and/or oppressed peoples, including but not limited to trans folks or any other queer-identifying individuals, Black and Indigenous peoples, and many others. you get a block immediately when interacting with my posts. i will not engage, so please do not waste anyone's time.

here are some tags that i frequently use. i am terrible at keeping up with them and i largely reblog without tags and then go back and add them later when i have time.

Text Posts: #text, #bork bork thoughts

Ask Responses: #borking back

Tumblr-Related: #meta

My Dog: #sweet princess peregrine

Other Dogs: #anarchodogism

Cats: #cats on the bork blog

Anarchoposting: #anarchy, #anarchism, #anarchist

OC Graphics: #oc, #learning photoshop through play

OC Poetry: #oc, #poetry

Non-OC Memes: #memes, #not oc

Wholesome Posts: #happy borks

please be advised: if i fail to tag something appropriately or reblog from someone detestable, please message me or send me an anonymous ask and let me know. DO NOT REBLOG MY POSTS WITH PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMENTS. i treat people with respect when they treat me with respect. but i will publicly dress you down if you break this rule and then block you. this is the only warning i will give. no exceptions.

otherwise, please feel free to like or reblog anything i post. if it was too personal to be reblogged, i wouldn't share it. so don't worry about breaking tumblr protocol. i'm too old and tired to care about that.

my sense of humor is also very deadpan/sarcastic, so please keep this in mind when interacting. if something seems out of character, ask me for clarification and i'll provide it. there's a good chance that i'm probably just being silly. i love you, enjoy your stay.

#pinned post

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donttouchtheneednoggle · 2 years

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#fucking detest intrusive thoughts in dreams somehow they're worse than having them while waking #i can kiiinda get to a place where i don't give them too much power when they happen during the day #bc ik its jsut ocd brain being a particular asshole #then one time i get one in a dream and it undoes it all and makes me so fcuking anxious and all that shit #anxiety is the nicest feeling that comes out of that #and idk WHY why should i take dreams more seriously when i cant help them even more than waking thoughts #ignore me just venting #its prob getting worse bc im more anxious generally atm #i finished my arwencelot vent fic thats smth sorry lance 🤣#alas not the wedding one this one's much less fun 🙃#gonna go hold some baby birbs this afternoon and all will be good 🥰

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assassinmidnight · 3 years

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Their resident Genius

The BAU is called in by Scotland Yard to help with a case, Spencer becomes intrigued when he hears that they have their own resident genius.

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Spencer Reid x Holmes!Autistic!Female!reader

_________

Honestly Spencer was unsure why Scotland Yard had called them in, he always knew that their team was one of the best but the fact that Scotland Yard had called them in had surprised the Genius a lot.

“Okay team, we’ve been called in by the English. We’re gonna be gone for a bit so pack accordingly. Airstrip in 30,” Hotch called. “Wait, the English? You mean Scotland Yard? Scotland Yard called US in, why?”

“Really Reid, I thought you’d be the most excited to meet their team. Apparently they have their own resident genius,” The reply from Hotch had Morgan smiling “Resident Genius? Is he smarter than Reid? Man I have to see this,”

During the entire flight Spencer had been thinking of the so-called Genius. He didn’t really believe in genius as a word but he had become intrigued. He wondered if Hotch was honest, if he was correctly informed. Spencer had for a long time kept track of Scotland Yard but he’d only heard of Sherlock Holmes being their resident genius, but he was a consultant not an official agent. Did he decide to join them officially?

“Reid stop, I can hear the cogs turning in your head and it’s keeping me from my sleep,”

“Shut up Morgan,” Morgan looked over “Reid I get it, you’re stressed about meeting new people and maybe even someone who can go against you in brainiac power. But dude chill, it’s gonna be all good, chances are they aren’t even close to your level.”

Spencer took that into consideration, it’s true most people who are called geniuses aren’t close to his level.”

“Okay team we’re gonna meet the people from Scotland Yard. Behave,” Hotch sounded more serious than he looked.

Spencer was surprised when they entered the building, it was nothing like their own. This place was not messy or filled with people stuffing the rooms, it was all quiet and strict as if it was a classroom. “This way to the office,” Hotch pointed towards a room and they all headed there.

“Ah Agent Hotch, thank you for coming,” The man smiled and shook hands with Hotch, “This must be your famous team of profilers,” The man quickly looked at his watch before looking up again. “We should wait with the introductions, one of ours is running late,” Morgan smirked “Your resident genius?” The man looked up surprised before nodding, he looked like he was about to answer but got interrupted by the door swinging open.

“I’m sorry for being late, you know how my brother is,” A woman came in, a bit out of breath. She looked around 21 and had (y/h) colored hair, quite long too.

She seemed to realize the company they had and went beet red, Spencer thought she looked pretty cute.

She turned back to the man, “So this is the BAU team lestrade? The best profilers,”

“Wait you’re Greg Lestrade? You worked with Sherlock and Dr. Watson,” The two brits looked over at Reid, the girl cocked her head to the side before smiling. “Dr. Reid I presume. I’ve read a lot about you, three PhDs and working for the FBI at 24, impressive,” now Reid turned red earning a laugh from Morgan. “You did your homework,” The woman looked at Morgan, “Yes I did, I like knowing who come here, Agent Morgan.”

“Y/n behave. I know you prefer working alone but no need to be rude, you are better than your brothers aren't you?” The girl named Y/n sighed and nodded. “Good, introduce us to the UnSub.”

Throughout the entire briefing Spencer had been staring at Y/N, he couldn’t figure out how such a young woman was part of Scotland Yard. He tried to profile her but all he could decipher from her movements, which were many. She fidgeted a lot, tended to stare at the wall and kept her arms crossed over her chest. She was distracted, bored and introverted. That profile didn’t fit someone in this field.

“Yes Y/N?” Hotch's voice brought Spencer from his thoughts.

“Dr. Reid, why are you staring at me so much? Is it really that hard to profile me?” Her voice was quite gleeful. She was proud, she had an advantage and she knew that. “Mm, yes sorry, I was profiling you but it wasn’t hard. You are clearly bored by this, unfocused throughout the entire briefing and you are closed off. These are not common attributes in Agents, that’s why I was staring,” He felt pretty proud of himself until “You didn’t introduce me Detective?” “No, I thought it best to keep the introductions til we're all here. But it seems like you know them well enough which I expected but you should probably introduce yourself,” Lestrade smiled and Y/N nodded. “My name is Y/N Holmes, little sister of both Mycroft and Sherlock. I am the one who usually works alone in my cave but apparently I was needed for this case. And no Dr. Reid I was not bored or unfocused, quite the opposite actually. I was just in my mind palace,”

“You’re the sister of Sherlock? Wait you’re the resident Genius,” Y/N laughed at Morgan’s reaction. Once again she cocked her head to the side, smiling. “How many PhDs?” She turned to Reid, “None, school bores me. Also resident genius isn’t what I would call myself, creative genius with hypersensitivity. All the Holmes boys got none of the emotion so I got all of it,” Reid nodded. “Well now that we’ve been introduced to the most interesting thing in England, how about we get started.”

“You still thinking about Miss smartypants, Pretty boy?” Reid tossed a pillow at Derek, but he did nod. “There is something about her, she wasn’t looking at me but knew that I was watching her. She assumed Lestrade had introduced her to us but was happy when she got to do it herself and she pointed out that she is more creative and sensitive than her brothers who are known sociopaths. I can’t understand her brain, or her profile,” Morgan stared at Reid before laughing “Dude it sound like you have a crush on Miss Holmes, well if she is as smart as they say your kids will definitely be something out of this world,” Morgan kept on laughing even when Spencer turned around on his bed.

“Welcome to my cave, don’t touch anything without asking.” Y/N was stern, her look was cold as well Spence nodded. “So um, why am I working here instead of in the field?” he asked, she looked at him annoyed before turning to her screen. “Because your boss thought it would be best to keep the two geniuses in the same room.”

The two kept working, Reid was surprised at all the tea Y/N was drinking and how she compulsively played with her bracelets whenever she was thinking. OCD, that did fit but something still felt off. “Just ask, get it out of the way before you drive me absolutely nuts” she looked at him expectantly. Spencer gulped before asking the question “Why can’t I profile you? I know it’s nothing on my end so it must be something on yours,” She shook her head and smiled, looking back at her screen. Spencer sighed thinking she wasn’t going to answer.

“I am autistic with traces of OCD and dyslexia, that’s why you can’t profile me. I don’t fit the general profile for autistics. I have a deep emotional understanding but I lack logical intelligence that is usually paired with the diagnosis. My OCD traces are caused by my autism and the compulsive behaviors are mainly caused by anxiety. I suffered deep trauma in my childhood like both my brothers but unlike them I never emotionally distanced myself, this is why you can’t profile me Reid, I don’t fit the general profiles just like you,”He was surprised at her answer but considering what she just said he really shouldn’t have.

“Wow, that’s- that’s a lot. Wait, you profiled me?” He was genuinely surprised, she laughed at him, breaking her cold act. “No I didn’t, but most intelligent people are the same,” he nodded before laughing with her.

“So thanks to the BAU and our own Agents we’ve managed to catch this killer and he will soon be behind bars,” JJ announced on the news. The team were currently at Lestrades house having a drink. Reid kept looking over to Y/N, ever since they’d solved the case she’d been distant towards him, it hurt for some reason. He thought they were getting along, especially after they’d started to talk about Dr. WHO, guess not.

“Something wrong, Reid?” He turned and saw that the voice belonged to Lestrade, he nodded. “In my experience with the Holmes siblings, they rarely act like this unless it’s something that will actually impact them. You should talk to her, as much as she detests it she is like her brothers and when angry instead of being consumed by emotions like them she turns them off and goes all logical. Easy to have a conversation with if you watch your words,” When Spencer didn’t move Lestrade pushed him slightly making him go over to Y/N.

“Why are you ignoring me?” She turned to him, cup of tea in her hand, she sighed then gave him a strained smile. “Reid, go back to your team,” “Not until you tell me why you’ve been ignoring me?” She gave him a cold look before sighing again. “I have been ignoring you because I like you, Reid. You are going back to America so I am simply distancing myself to get used to not having you around any more. It’s all logical,”

“You like me?” he was genuinely surprised, he found Y/N cute and even had a bit of a crush on her, something he’d never admit to Morgan but he never thought she liked him back.

“Of course I like you. You are smart and cute and have these small quirks about you. You are funny and a geek and get almost every single of my pop culture references,” Reid just looked at her with fond eyes, she liked him back and was now rambling on about why. It was cute, really cute. He pressed his lips against hers, successfully muffling her rambles. She seemed surprised at first but soon reprocrated the kiss.

“WHO IS THAT GUY KISSING MY BABY SISTER!” The two geniuses broke apart, red and turned to the voice. Seems like Sherlock Holmes had invited himself in and based on the look in his eyes said one thing, the high functioning sociopath was not happy with Reid kissing his sister.

#spencer reid #reader insert #spencer reid x reader #autistic reader #spencer reid x autistic reader #criminal minds #bbc sherlock #Sherlock #big brother sherlock #holmes reader #sherlock holmes #crossover #fluff #cute

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aot-humanitysfaith · 2 years

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HOLIDAYS

Levi would normally detest large holiday events, it was honestly a bore. But for you he would endure. This was the first time he's meeting your family. He had met your parents already, he apparently made a wonderful impression on your mother when he wordlessly helped clean after dinner, but your father was another story. He was a quiet man who never voiced his opinions to many people, though Levi felt he didn't quite meet his standards.

He knew how it looked to many, the various differences between you two. You were 23 and a graduate student, he was 28 in the military with a GED. You grew up in Soho, New York while he was bounced around the foster system before taking off at 18. You were more different than night and day.

But you loved him and he was mad for you.

So Levi did everything he could to show he was serious about you. He took care of the apartment you two shared, this also helped with his OCD and need for a spotless living. He paid most of the bills while you cooked and focused on your schoolwork. He never forgot your birthday and knew to the month how long you have been with him.

Still your father with held his approval. And what bug Levi most: he's never cared about what anyone thought before in his life. But he was your father, he knew what he meant to you, how much it hurt you that they didn't get along. So he wouldn't let it go, not till they reached an understanding.

"Earth to Levi?" He turned around and caught sight of your smile, and for a second he couldn't breath, "What had you off in La La Land?"

"Nothing to worry over, brat. Now, shall we go in?" You stared at him for a second, he could see that you still held some worry in your eyes, but you kissed his cheek anyway and got out of the car, "Why does your parents invite everyone from their fuckin' country club?"

"Easy, soldier, most of these people will leave before dinner." You reminded him, he still grumbled and huffed as they entered the house. It was spotless cheerfully decorated with fall decor and pictures of the family. He always loved to looking at the pictures of you. He adore seeing what you were like before he met you. The various accomplishments you held and how obviously close you were with your family.

"You say you don't like coming here but you clearly enjoy it." He smiled, "I'm glad you're here, Levi, it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without you."

"You're such a sappy brat." He muttered blushing as you led the way to the kitchen. Upon entering he heard your mother's cheer.

"Oh!! Y/N!! My darling!" He stepped aside as you were wrapped in your mother's hug, she was a petite women, finely dressed with diamonds and pearls, "Levi Ackerman, get over here." But still held command much like his CO.

He walked over and she smiled,"Thank you for coming." She patted his shoulders, having been informed he's not one for much physical contact, "To be honest your one of the few I actually want here."

You and your mother became engrossed in your conversation as he came face to face with your father, "Mr.(y/l/n) I would like to speak with you."

"As would I, Ackerman." He pulled t

Him away from you and your mother, "What do you want?"

"Before I met y/n, I never cared for anyone's opinion of me. But now, I do. I want your approval, if only because it would mean the world to her." He sighed as he poured two glasses of whiskey, passing one to me, "Y/n holds your opinion dear to her, and while I am not a very traditional man, I want your approval and blessing."

"The first time I saw you with her, I hated you." He admitted, "You were older than her, she had just started college and left home."

"I just finished basic training and got my GED." He admitted with a nod.

"Exactly. But I see how you watch her, how you keep you hand on her back, how you'll open doors for her, how you'll enter the room first before her. All these things you do for her...I was wrong about you. This, was my mother's ring, I have no sons, so I would like for you to use it. You can propose now or later tonight."

"Thank you." The rest of the evening was spent with you by his side, if only to keep him from killing the snobby club members. Once they left he relaxed a bit, he wasn't nervous to ask you but when dinner came around, Levi stole you away.

"I hate holidays." He started as he leaned on the porch railing, "I never had anyone to celebrate with. But now I have you and you bring me to all these celebrations. You tell me you're happy I came and I'm just thankful you want me to come. I want to stay where I can have someone to celebrate with, with you. Please."

He held out your grandmother's ring and you freeze, "Levi!" You laugh as you slipped it in to your left ring finger and hug him tight, "Yes " you whispered in his ear and he kissed you.

@levi-supreme

#@levi-supreme #rei’s event: happy birthday Levi #attack on titan #aot #snk #snk fandom #aot fandom #levi x you #levi attack on titan #levi love

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douglaspiggott · 2 years

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my manager kind of sort of offered/floated a new role by me this evening that sounds great and very much what I’m into but also with a lot of responsibility and I scared

I still feel like a fucking child walking into work because this is the first ‘adult’ job I’ve had - bearing in mind though I’m 28 and have been there for 9 years now so know the ins and outs of what we do better than anyone (and am constantly called upon by literally everyone else there for info, more senior than me or not) so I should not feel this way by now surely but I dooooo???? I’m just a baby!! imposter syndrome my detested

the other week my manager was like we’re gonna hire a ux/ui specialist to get this huge upgrade project done but then also that will be an ongoing role because atm we all just do our best to make decisions based on…nothing more than what we think looks good and is hopefully easy to use, which has resulted in our software being a horrible mishmash of different people’s opinions and styles over many years with barely any changes made to existing ui in prob 10 or so years, so she’s a little outdated overall. a small improvement gets developed with some new clean ui, but there’s never any time or effort put into updating existing stuff to match

but then tonight she said she’s been stewing on it and thinks I would actually be perfect to transition into that space and to hire another ba to fill my current position instead (even though I have barely done any ba work since I was promoted to that position in like fucking march last year hahahahahah)

I’m like hell yeah that does actually sound perfect for me, I was already keen for us to hire a ux/ui specialist so I could see what they do, and I really love working in that space designing how things should look and work and have a very analytical eye etc etc but now that would be me??????? I would be the specialist???? they’d pay me to do some sort of course to skill up but then I’d just be thrown in the deep-end to revamp all of our shit which would have knock on effects for hundreds of thousands of users for years to come hehehehe no pressure

I’m still spiraling a little over someone at work yesterday just very flippantly suggesting I have ocd, in a way that it was just like…a known fact about me. this is someone I’ve worked with and also been great friends with outside of work for four years now who knows me on not just the surface level most coworkers know each other, and I trust her judgement on shit so for her to say it has really sent me.

I mentioned it to someone else I work with over lunch today who’s more friend than colleague (we’ve always worked in separate departments so she doesn’t know that work-based side of how I am, more the personal/social side). she stayed very neutral on the subject, didn’t necessarily agree or disagree on the assumption, but did just encourage me to lay some things out for myself and work out whether it’s something to worry about just in terms of seeing a professional about it (and…whatever else is going on up there) or keep coasting as I am because generally speaking, I cope with what I have. if I have ocd it’s not some huge thing that’s ruining my life, and as a 28 year old I don’t have to have everything figured out. it would be crazy to suggest I COULD have everything figured out.

all of this to say, the ux/ui thing would be a super interesting path for me because of the ocd traits I have (spiralling, spiralling) and I’m really keen to try it but I’m also so so fucking scared to fail or be bad at it. half the time I feel like I’m about to be fired because????? like literally nothing just general anxiety, so for my manager to be like ‘here’s a great opportunity that I’m handing you on a silver platter because I think you’re perfect for it and it would be amazing for your career’ is very nice to hear

something about that text post that went around the other week about how weird it is being in your late 20s when you never planned for a future because you didn’t expect to make it this far. I’ve literally got no ambition or plan for my future cause I was very much under the impression I’d be done with the world by now (aaand circling back to speaking to a professional about whatever is happening in my head) I love therapised eddie so much why can’t I want that for me I don’t know if want the pressure, but fuck it’s an interesting idea for sure and dare I say I’m passionate about it????? god that feels lame as hell saying I’m passionate about ui lmaooo but I am???? I care about it and I get invested in it at work and annoyingly nitpick things other people put together and I’m obsessed with consistency now that it’s been dangled in front of me like I’m a fucking horse with a carrot I WANT TO EAT THE CARROT SO BADLY but I’m just terrified things will go to shit and I’ll ruin everything :\

#rambly self therapising and reflecting under the cut #ignore me probably #georgia speaks #anyway can we talk about how I got today’s wordle in 2 guesses

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