the big makers market that i was really banking on this weekend was canceled because i live in southern maine + the shooter from wednesday still hasn't been found and i still have medical expenses while social security continues to screw up my SSI payments so i'll be taking better pictures of the clothing pieces i've been working on because i will b shipping them

So how many people do we know the circumstances of how they got their unique magic now? Like Riddle apparently studied really hard and got it, Idia was born with it, and Deuce and Epel's were both shown in game.

Hello hello!! Thank you for this question!

As you say we have confirmed Riddle's unique magic manifested when he was 10 through sheer effort (at his mother's behest), which was also confirmed in the novel.

"‘Does that mean that you cannot discover your unique magic without studying?,’ Yuuya asks. With a contemplative look, Riddle responds, 'That is not always the case, but it was for me.'"

"Riddle learned ‘Off With Your Head’ when he was only ten years old. According to Trey, it was the result of Riddle’s devotion to his studies and his mother’s strict supervision."

Riddle is particularly interesting because it is insinuated during Book 6 both by Idia and Riddle himself that he was maybe never meant to have the power that he does, but his mother decided she was going to birth a powerful magic-user and brute forced it into happening, artificially enlarging his magic pool to ensure he'd "be an exceptional mage, starting from when (he) was in the womb."

Deuce is our first time seeing a unique magic manifest on screen in an interesting example of how it can happen without the user even realizing it before, during, or after the process.

Like Deuce, Epel's magic also manifests from his efforts to protect others from harm, but it was a slightly less confusing experience as Epel had Rook on hand for advice (and Rook seems very comfortable with the role of "unique magic manifestation coach." Was this possibly not his first time being present for the initial appearance of someone's unique magic?)

In both the (original) game and the novel, it is mentioned that Leona was born with his unique magic:

"Unique magic that is inherited at birth has nothing to do with the person’s will, but humans wrapped up in their own superstitions are ignorant to common sense. Or maybe they think this is a power that I desired, and fought to obtain."

The situation is a little vague but I don't think this means that he was turning people and things into sand as an infant, but rather King's Roar just manifested naturally around the time he came into his magic, instead of being something he studied for, fought for, or even wanted in the first place (in contrast to other mages).

We technically see the process of Azul crafting his unique magic through sheer effort via a flashback: unlike Riddle, who worked for his UM to please his mother, Azul seems to have been motivated by a desire for revenge.

He says that he spent years "studying everything (he) could get (his) hands on," but while Azul seems to have designed the spell himself, it's possible that he didn't know he was creating what would be come his own unique magic at the time. He might just have wanted a spell--any spell--to take talent from others, and it becoming his unique magic was possibly an unintentional bonus.

(Which really makes me wonder what it was that Riddle was doing when his UM manifested at 10 years old. Was it born from a conscious or subconscious urge to stop someone from using magic, like Azul, or did it adapt to the situation he was in at the time, like Epel and Deuce?)

As you say, adding to the list of ways that Idia and Leona are curiously similar, Idia was also born with his unique magic.

He seems to have inherited it directly from his father, who inherited it from Idia's grandmother, Aidne, former head of the Shroud family.

This poses several questions, such as whether or not human-Ortho had also been born with this magic but died before it had been able to manifest, what will happen to the Island of Woe if it is ever left without a blood-relative heir, do cousins count, etc.

I don't think there has been too much information yet about how/when Idia's magic manifested, but it may be a similar situation to Leona, much like how Azul's situation seems similar to Riddle's.

And I think that may be everyone we have heard of thus far! Trey, Cater, Ruggie, Jack, Jade, Floyd, Kalim, Jamil, Rook, Vil and the others have all been fairly quiet about how their unique magics first appeared.

(I am dying to discuss the various magics of Book 7, but this blog pretends that nothing from the main story exists until it is released on EN. Hope to revisit this topic again as EN progresses through the ongoing story! Exciting!)

Howdy! I saw requests were open, but if not then please do ignore this one!

It's kinda crack? But mostly angst to comfort, essentially something goes wrong in reader's alchemy class and they get hit by an extremely strong spell that makes it seem as if they're dead, but really they're just in a super deep sleep. So once the spell wears off, they wake up right in the middle of their own funeral cuz everyone thought they were dead. Gender neutral pronouns for the reader with riddle, kalim, malleus and floyd as the love interests! In headcanon format as well pretty please!

　　　　　　TWST x gn reader

　　　　『　riddle ,, kalim ,, malleus ,, floyd ,, gender neutral reader    』

　　-> reader gets hit w/ heavy deep sleep spell n characters think theyre dead

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack ,, a bit of angst

　　— this ended up being a little more on the humorous side 😭

- kalim

| • hes so distraught ,, hands on his head as he freaks out and shakes you violently . jamil finds out and facepalms . mr crewel told him nothing was wrong ,, to just give you time but kalim couldnt .

| • he swore you had died ,, and because of that he done held a big fancy funeral . he done invited all the dorms and everything .

| • you woke up when he was in the middle of talking about how you were such a nice and loving partner ,, how he wished you didnt have to die this soon .

| • get this man a tissue bc he starts bawling when you whip that coffin open .

- riddle

| • hes a bit more calmer than kalim in this situation ,, taking care of you whilst you sleep . but he always felt like something was off .

| • that was until one day he went to check up on you ,, your skin was oddly cold and he couldnt feel your breathe or see your chest move when you did breathe .

| • he may or may not have panicked at that point ,, checking your pulse and not feeling anything .

| • riddle thought the spell done killed you then ,, after all you didnt have any sort of resistance to magic so it was a possibility .

| • cue him tending your funeral and trying his best not to start crying in front of all those people .

| • you were his partner ,, his life and joy and now youre gone . or so he thought until you threw that coffin door open and smacked the person speaking right in the face .

| • and standing up in the coffin and falling face first out .

- malleus

| • bro acted the same as kalim . he did not stop to think about checking your pulse or anything . his immediate reaction was that you died . and all the sudden it started to rain very hard .

| • he starts acting like a child who lost his mom ,, panicking and shaking your body as much as he could .

| • then he pulls out some shakespeare typa shit ,, going on about how woe is me ,, my beloved hath died ,, taking from his grip as your soul was dragged away from him .

| • he has a small funeral for you ,, ready to speak for you when a miracle happens .

| • you awaken !! malleus is so shocked he gets a little teary eyed ,, running over and making sure youre okay before getting all baby girl .

| • in the end you walk out carrying him bridal style whilst sebek is fretting over his image .

- floyd

| • he thought this was one of those pranks people do to their pets . where you record yourself pretending to be dead to see what your cat does or something .

| • so he kinda ,, kicked you a few times and is all like ,, wake up shrimpy this isnt funny .

| • then jade has to break the news of the possibility you mightve been struck too harshly by the potion and maybe youre just ,, yknow ,, passed on .

| • floyd refuses to believe it ,, you couldnt have left him . you wouldnt do that to him . you wouldnt abandon him like that .

| • as much as he hates to admit it ,, he definitely cried a bit that night . he shows up for the funeral ,, still in disbelief youre dead .

| • but boooyy is he whipped when you ended up being asleep . he doesnt care who’s there ,, he runs over and rips you out that coffin so fast .

| • blames you for worrying and leaving him ,, and makes you promise not to do something like that again .

Been brainrotting lately and now I present to you what I think is an underused story beat for Yuu. What if “Yuu” isn’t even the prefect’s real name?

Considering that Yuu’s first experience in Twisted Wonderland is waking up in a coffin, wandering around an obviously foreign place, and being questioned by a suspicious man in a crow mask surrounded by people in black hooded robes… I just think most people would not give their real name in such a sketchy situation.

Fast forward to when Yuu is more comfortable with the cast and there is both comedy and angst potential here. On one hand, the reactions to the deception could be pretty funny. (Cue a “woe is me” from Crowley. Of course he can’t find a way home for you when he doesn’t have your real name!) On the other, this could be a great way of exploring the prefect having a crisis. Yuu already lost so much in being taken to Twisted Wonderland, and now in a way even the prefect’s name has been taken.

What do you think?

waking up in a coffin, wandering around an obviously foreign place, and being questioned by a suspicious man in a crow mask surrounded by people in black hooded robes…

Annon, annon, annon, when you put it like that it sounds like Yuu woke up in the middle of a cult ritual of some sort. Which I suppose if you were an edgy Night Raven student idia you might argue that the enrollment ceremony totally is as an excuse not to go

But to be more serious, I have seen a few memes about this concept and I like it a lot σ(￣、￣=) It's a fun character concept, it's not everyday you get a chance to re-invent yourself completely.

That being said, just based off of the few dialogue options Yuu has at the start, I think Yuu is implied to believe that they are dreaming:

Which honestly doesn't make this idea any less valid. If you're dreaming about waking up in the middle of some weird necromancer's rite, why not give him a fake name? It's not meant to be serious anyway. Just go with the flow and hope things don't get too weird (and get offended when your dream doesn't give you magic powers) until it's too late and you realize everyone thinks your name really is that bad joke you made.

If you want to get darker, maybe Yuu really did think they died. A black carriage pulling a coffin really only goes to a funeral, and death has been depicted as an unmanned coach with black horses. Maybe Yuu is only just coming to grips with the fact that they really are alive when they see Riddle overblot and he hurts them. Maybe they now are sitting next to two people who have started to think about them as a friend, a really close one. Maybe they think Yuu is really brave because they charged headlong into danger without a second thought, and won, twice now. Maybe Yuu cries themselves to sleep that night because in a way... you died so yuu could live.

As for reactions, Crowley and the other staff members I think would be the most dramatic, followed by Adeuce and Grim. Jack I can see accepting your reasons and not thinking too hard about it, maybe even respecting your survival instincts, while Epel... well he says he's mad but mostly he's just concerned. He knows what it feels like to have two dueling parts of yourself and trying to find the middle ground. Ortho would be excited, you have a secret identity just like a magical girl/super sentai/anime idol/superhero take your pick really. He certainly doesn't mind getting to know you all over again.

Sebek screams at you for being a threat to Wakasama but it's clear to everyone who actually knows him that he's really just worried about the amount of stress you put on yourself. He would hate for you to have the same issues with self loathing he does. And Malleus? Well he lied to you about who he was because he was worried you would be afraid, even though you didn't know he existed. It would be very petty for him to hold a grudge against you for doing the same.

In general I think this would be something the others would have an easier time understanding as opposed to Yuu's sense of alienation or loneliness at not having magic. Identity issues are common themes in fiction, so I could see them actually seeing it as a problem as opposed to an abstract problem like no government papers (since these kids with one obvious exception don't do taxes.) But it would make for a great way to explore the prefect having a crisis just as you say, in a way it's the perfect example for every problem they might have with being in Twisted Wonderland.

More Sage Hc's

Because I miss him :(

And this is a wonderful half-collab with @angry-trashcan. I love you so very much and thank you for letting me yell ideas at you.

CW: Mentions of child abuse, child soldiers, Zelda slander, Sage

・❥・Welcome back. :)

・❥・So, we've established Sage as his own character at this point. I think it's safe to say he is not Wild. They are similar but two very distinct characters. That is something I'd like to clarify.

・❥・But we'll step into that later.

・❥・For now, let's talk about his entire timeline from start to finish.

・❥・So, Bailey and I talked about his parents and this is the conclusion we came to:

・❥・As everyone knows, Link in the AoC/BotW/TotK timeline was in the knights by a staggeringly young age. Either four or twelve or fourteen. I've seen them all, but I'm not sure if there's a canon age.

・❥・For Sage, we're going with four.

・❥・Now, let's start with his father. Sage's father was in the knights as a commanding officer, which is why he was okay with Link joining the knights. However, because of this a lot more expectations were placed on a very young Sage. And if he failed the punishments were much harsher and much less justified.

・❥・There were nights when Sage/Link was left on the ground outside because his father didn't deem him worth the effort and forbade people from helping him.

・❥・He'd walk past and spit on this terrified child because he didn't live up to expectations. "Your mother would've been so disappointed."

・❥・(shout out to Bailey for ripping out all of our hears with that line.

・❥・Because of this Sage finds much more comfort sleeping outside. Even a a century later, he prefers the comfort of a constant rather than a bedroom he was never allowed the privilege of knowing.

・❥・When he gets his house in Tarrey Town, he builds the stable extension first and slips outside with Epona.

・❥・We also agreed that his mother most likely died during the birth of his sister, which is probably why they had to move out of the Hateno house and closer to the castle, if not on the castle grounds.

・❥・If I had to make an assumption on his mother, she was probably a timid woman that never stood against his father.

・❥・This is really just my lil tidbit but because of that headcanon it's why I made Aaliyah such an abrasive character because I feel Sage would feel too much like his father with someone who reminded him of his mother. Or the little bits he remembers of her.

・❥・Anyway, his mother was probably a seen rather than heard woman,

・❥・Now, you're probably asking about his sister. We decided that she would've ended up as a maid/servant in the castle.

・❥・This is for two reasons:

・❥・One) It adds to hatred Sage has for the Royal Family. As a knight he would've had no choice but to watch this happen and would feel that burning guilt as a bystander, ignoring the fact that he has no choice in the matter. Maybe that's why he fought so hard pre-Calamity. Of course, he still fought because it was his duty, but I also like to imagine he was trying his best to protect his sister before it could ever hit her. Even if it was a fruitless endeavor.

・❥・Two) When Sage remembers this fact, it's probably before Tears of the Kingdom. The bridge between TotK and BotW probably is Link/Sage unravelling a lot of the trauma he tried to ignore regarding the royal family. So this is almost a catharsis to the entire feat. Moreso with Zelda/Natura's reaction.

・❥・She'd be flippant and almost ignorant to the entire ordeal.

・❥・Before anyone comes for my throat, let me explain Natura's character okay?

・❥・So, as far as I'm concerned, Natura hasn't learned anything. She's very much still the same character she was in AoC which is a spoiled individual with little regards to the woes others are facing. She had a tough time, yes I understand that and she was young, but she had no reason to act the way she did with Link. I don't care, argue with the wall.

・❥・She went digging around in the remains of what was left of her people post BotW trying to figure out how the guardians worked. She puts more emphasis on her studies and research rather than her people. Remember this is Natura. Not Zelda. This is my characterization in the same way that Sage is my characterization of Link.

・❥・Anyway, she didn't go looking for a way to solve the Gloom issue, she went looking for a way to capitalize on it. Like the pharmaceutical industry.

・❥・So you can imagine her reaction knowing that.

・❥・"We kept her off the streets like a worthless rat. You should be thanking me."

・❥・Yeah, it's not great.

・❥・So then TotK happens, yadda yada.

・❥・Sage loves animals. Let me get this straight. He's not heartless, he's angry and he's vengeful. Animals never wronged him. He finds comfort with animals as they can't lie to him. He can earn their trust and they'll remain loyal.

・❥・Because Sage is a dangerously loyal man. He still carries the loyalty of the hero's spirit, but it's amplified. Once you're his, you're his forever. Nothing can drag him away from you as he won't let it.

・❥・He's so loyal it turns from a positive attribute to a flaw. :)

・❥・He's possessive and protective and doesn't see an issue with it. Everything else has been torn from his hands but his fingers will be broken and bloody before he lets what's his go.

・❥・I bring up the animal thing just to say Sage gets a dog. You know that stable that closes down in the desert? And how all the stables have stable dogs? Well, this one follows Sage all over Hyrule. And if he goes in the depths thinking he's lost it, the second he's out the dog is sniffing his ass out.

・❥・Yes, he keeps the dog and feeds it the nicest cuts of meat, don't worry.

・❥・It's name is Droolius Caesar.

・❥・Timeline wise, let's talk about that.

・❥・So again, Bailey, and they're gorgeous fucking brain, brought up the idea of him being on a different timeline then Wild. I ran with it.

・❥・I don't see TotK falling on the timeline nicely no matter what we do. Not with the Zonai and not with the other game.

・❥・So what if it doesn't fall on the same timeline as BotW? The same events happen but now it's different.

・❥・Here's how it goes:

・❥・So when Time splits the timeline we get the normal one where, yay! he saves the day! and the other one where he doesn't. Call it the downfall timeline, the fallen timeline, the failure timeline, I don't care. For the sake of argument it's the Fallen Timeline here.

・❥・So there's an idea that the timelines merge somewhere between Wars timeline and Wild's. But let's say they don't. Because the Fallen timeline goes to Legend, then Hyrule. Then what if it doesn't fix itself and just continues. which is where it then leads to Sage's era.

・❥・Only this timeline is on hard mode at all times. Legend's adventures were difficult, Hyrule's era is absolutely brutal, so it makes sense that Sage's is just as hard.

・❥・We toyed with the idea that because this timeline is so hard, the heroes that reign from it are just that much more advanced. It's shown through Legend and then Hyrule, both of whom have wielded the full triforce at one point or another (I think). Somewhere between Hyrule's world however and Legend's, the goddess' didn't like this idea. They didn't like the idea of the hero having this sense of power, so they stripped it away entirely. They knew that somewhere the hero's spirit would be tainted and took away the power that could be used to dethrone them before it could manifest with Sage.

・❥・In turn, the hero's spirit carried on and grew stronger to overcome this. Sage still has the hero's spirit, but it's not like an actual spirit. No, it's more like the fallen hero carrying on and trying to amend for his sins.

・❥・Which Sage hates. He hates it so much, but it propels him before he can stop it. In the beginning of TotK? It's what propels him to jump in after Zelda. After however? The gloom is what finally kills that spirit. Rauru can save him, but fails to save the spirit.

・❥・And from there Sage evolves and arises into the rat we all know and love.

・❥・All of this to give my own lil headcanons on Epona.

・❥・So there's a theory that Malanya (Horse god) Is actually Malon and I like that. (Because she gave Link Epona OG and they sound similar) So in Sage's Era? Guess what?

・❥・Anyway, I imagine Malanya and Sage had a better connection because of this. Malanya goes out of their way to care for Sage and his horse because they feel they failed their Link.

・❥・So Sage gets an Epona in a way to apologize for their first failure.

・❥・Epona is a very good horse <3

・❥・So in the wise words of bailey to end this off,

The hero's spirit is dead. Long live whatever the fuck Sage is.

Can't sleep. Gonna throw this out there.

So. Integra.

Let me talk - again, yes, I know I've made similar posts - about how much she cares.

She didn't throw away the girl she used to be, who sat next to a corpse and basically said, "well it would have been nicer if you were a knight in shining armor, but at least I'm not alone, you won't mind me here, will you?" Like this girl cares about whether the very dead(looking) corpse in her basement that she's just met while on the run for her life, minds her being there.

She doesn't bat an eye at Seras joining them. She questions Alucard's reasons, but beyond that, once Seras is there she's there, she's under her wing and Integra will be damned if some priest kills her. She essentially defends Seras with her own body. "That girl is ours." Sir, this is the Judas Priest you're up against? But nah, step in so he doesn't kill the little fledgling vampire you took in like 1 night ago.

She doesn't care what people say to her face, call her whore or sow or bitch or go through her fucking drawer, whatever. But when her house is being invaded Integra really only starts to be visibly upset when it's clear all her men are dead. And again, she doesn't hesitate to throw herself at a rampaging baby vampire and embrace her to get her off her dead, ghoul-turned men. She doesn't want Seras mauling these already dead men, but she doesn't want to stop Seras by force. So she embraces her. It should have registered as a very unnecessary, risky move. But Integra did it anyway.

And during the war, Integra hardly displays any sorrow or woe towards her own predicament - it's only when Alucard cries for Anderson (and himself) that she looks so sad, for him - and it's only when Alucard disappears that she screams (his name) and when Walter dies that she looks so tired and worn.

And still, she says to Seras, Let's go home. Together.

Editing to add: And she's not even in the same ROOM as Walter when he dies. She loved her butler/father figure so much that she felt him die somewhere on the zeppelin and grieved even when he'd betrayed her so horribly. She is layers and layers of love under a heavy coat and goddamn I need to stop crying and go to sleep

Give me more Beifong family angst over Kuvira and Baatar Jr's betrayal. And with them living in the estate again.

Give me Huan locking himself in his room, sculpting countless jagged statues as he tries to somehow express the frustration he feels like he can't express otherwise. Give me Huan forcing himself out of his comfort zone to spend time with his younger siblings, because he feels like he needs to step up as an older brother.

Give me Huan feeling guilty and useless because all he had been able to do while his siblings were fighting for their lives was evacuate. Give me Huan getting between Baatar Jr and the rest of his siblings and feeling like now he has to be the older sibling they deserve. Give me Huan being overprotective of Opal and the twins, because he hadn't been able to protect them when it really mattered.

Give me Opal staying away from Zaofu for longer and longer periods of time. Give me Opal feeling more at home in the Air Temples because Zaofu no longer feels like the place she'd known when growing up. Give me the guilt associated with that.

Give me Opal having a mini panic attack everytime she calls home and someone doesn't pick up right away because anything could be going on there, because she fully beileves Kuvira as capable to harm the family. Give me Opal waking up in a cold sweat after a nightmare where her family dies in captivity.

Give me Opal feeling like she has to forgive Bolin because he helped rescue her family despite how hurt ans upset she still is with him.

Give me the twins being disillusioned by metalbending and their family's legacy after seeing how destructive it can be. Give me the twins not being able to find joy in playing Power Disc anymore, because it all feels so hollow after almost dying and so childish and wrong when people have suffered. Give me the twins feeling unsafe living with people who almost killed them. Give me the twins wondering what would've happened if Lin hadn't been fast enough when she saved them. Give me the twins developing trust issues after their closest family betrayed them. Give me the twins feeling safe only in one another's company.

Give me Baatar Sr wracked with guilt over not noticing Baatar Jr's woes earlier. Give me Baatar Sr feeling directly responsible for his oldest sons actions. Give me Baatar Sr throwing himself into work trying to personally rebuild all that his son has destroyed. Give me Baatar Sr feeling like he failed as a father because his children were but in danger time and time again. Give me Baatar Sr trying to support his wife despite feeling like her efforts to fix their family are hurting their younger children.

Give me Suyin walking on eggshells around her children, feeling like the slightest slip up could have tragic consequences. Give me Suyin trying desperately to keep the family she'd worked so hard to build together, to the point where she's forcing them together. Give me Suyin so distraught that she abandons common sense, trying to pretend everything is fine, not noticing how it's hurting her other children. Give me guilt, the mild insanity, the delusion, the hypocrisy.

Give me Kuvira and Baatar Jr realising that they've destroyed the home they used to have. Give me Kuvira and Baatar Jr realising that, because of their actions, none of them can ever truly come home, because what they did has shaken the very core of their family.

Give me Lin watching this shitshow from the sidelines. Give me Lin, who'd just recently become part of this family again, not knowing how she fits into this. Give me Lin worrying over her niece and nephews, seeing their discomfort and understanding how it feels to be hurt by your own family. Give me Lin quietly offering Huan and the twins that they can stay with her if they ever feel unsafe in their home.

Give me Lin finally snapping and calling Su out on all this. Give me Su breaking down.

Give me- *gets shot*

Can I please ask for Rain with a fem!reader who's really insecure? Like, she's always talking bad about herself, doesn't see herself worthy and loveable, believes she can't to anything right and doesn't deserve to rest/anything good? It would really mean so much to me if you could gift me with some comfort from my favourite ghoul 💕

And thank you so so much for writing my other request! I really loved it 😊

sorry this took me a while, lovely. here you go 🖤

☽ ༚  ༵ ۰ ✧ ۰  ༵ ༚ ༵ ۰ ✧ ۰  ༵ 

rain ghoul x reader

summary: rain reassures reader that they are enough

Never a burden

Your thoughts have been so loud lately. Degrading and horrible. You kept a neutral facade around the Abbey. During sermons and around other siblings of sin when doing chores. But you’ve been feeling defeated. Everything has been overstimulating your senses far too easily. Always excusing yourself when you feel it getting harder to breath.

If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything to you. Which was for the better, you suppose. You fear you might break down entirely if someone asked you if you were okay. You wouldn’t be able to lie then. And you most certainly didn’t want to cry in front of anyone. Least they’d find you a burden. That’s the last thing you want right now.

It was better to stay out of peoples way with your woes.

But Rain noticed. He noticed how your emotions seemed the affect the air around you. His heart clenched every time he smelled the sadness and disgust you seem to have for yourself. He didn’t know why. But he wanted you to know he was there whenever you needed him.

And that brings us here. Siblings of sin are locked away for the night, sleeping the night away but Rain, who stood outside your door, his heightened senses could hear your sobs from inside. Knocking gently, your sniffling stopped. He heard you rush around your room, probably trying to make yourself presentable.

“Yes?” your door opened a crack, but Rain could still see your puffy, red eyes. The shakiness in your voice evident.

“Can I come in?” He asked, tilting his head forward slightly to try to look at you better. His mask was off, his expression filled with worry.

“Aren’t you tired?” You asked, slinking back into your room but still visible enough to him. “I don’t want to keep you up.”

“I’m worried about you.” He blurted out. “I uh. I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help you feel better?” He whispered, trying to make eye contact with you as you looked to the ground. He saw your lip quiver.

“..I don’t want to burden you.” You whispered, voice shaky again.

“You will never be a burden to me.” Rain smiled slightly, finally making eye contact as you raised your head to look at him. That was when you broke down, stepping away from the door. He quickly rushed in, closing it behind him.

“I’m so sorry. I just feel like i’m annoying everyone lately.” You sobbed into his chest as you wrapped his arms around you, bringing you in close to his body.

“No one is annoyed at you. Everyone is worried, trust me. The rest of the ghouls have been wanting to talk to you but you keep hiding away.”

“I thought it’d be better if i stayed away from everyone.” You hiccuped and wheezed, burying your face into the fabric of his night shirt.

“Sometimes it’s better to be with someone than bottling up your feelings.” Rain whispered, resting his cheek on your head, rubbing your back soothingly as you cried.

“I’m so sorry.” You sobbed out again.

“No need to apologize. I’m here for you whenever you need me. Come here.” He pulled away before kissing the top of your head, gently grabbing your hand and leading you to your bed where he laid down and gently pulled you with him. “You can cry all you want now. Wanted you to be comfortable.” He smiled, bringing you on top of him, guiding your head to rest on top of his chest.

You didn’t say anything. Just laid there with him, your sobs died down to sniffles as Rain gently rubbed shaped into you back to sooth you. And soon, you were fast asleep. Rain smiled at you. Gently pushing your hair out of your face to dry whatever tears left on your cheeks. Kissing your head one more time he closed his eyes and fell a sleep soon after.

HI @rainbowghostcat and @boxx-sama -- I have been enabled so I'm here to ramble a bit about my faves >:3 Top three are definitely Fuuta, Mahiru, and Yuno! Good taste gang !!🤝✨✨✨

It's a mix of enjoying their songs, genuinely getting into their stories, and relating to them just enough to go a little crazy asdfsd :') Shidou comes in at a close 4th, I love him a lot but I'm not as insane as I am about these guys lmao.

I was holding onto these asks to ramble when I had the time/energy but uuuuhhh I didn't mean to go on for so long sorry 😭 Woe, 03 06 02 thoughts be upon ye...

Starting with Fuuta!! His character has everything – He’s cool, he’s lame, he’s terrifying, he’s tragic, he’s funny, he’s unbearably real, he’s my silly little guy, he makes me cry, etc. The core of his character that always gets me is how normal he is. How he’s probably closest to the majority of the audience – he (and Kazui) are the only ones who did not have murder on their mind at all. He anticipated harm, but the thought of someone dying never once crossed his mind. He’s right around teens/early twenties. He engages with the online world a lot. So many milgram fans are in that age range, on the internet a lot (in order to enjoy the project and its fanbase), feel a strong sense of justice (since they’re so engaged in a project about morality), and aren’t in any situation dramatic enough that they expect anyone to die. He’s so much like all of us. 

Continuing on that, his heart really is in the right place to start. He cares deeply about people and society, which is why he wants to fix it. His vision is a bit small, focusing on petty issues rather than huge social issues, but the point is he cares. He attacks Es because he’s trying to be the brave representative after hearing Haruka and Yuno were attacked. He yells at Kazui and Mahiru because they’re not helping the others. He takes care of Haruka. He gives Mahiru a birthday gift even when he has nothing to give. 

His biggest issue is, he doesn’t belong. I’ve written up a whole analysis on how he’s written very neurodivergent: he misses social cues, he’s on the outskirts of friendships and groups. It’s more clear in characters like Haruka and Muu, but Fuuta is just as incredibly desperate for attention. For love. For that feeling of belonging in a group. His knightly fantasies aren’t ones of violence and weapons – they’re mostly scenes of him surrounded by a close-knit party of adventurers who are cheering him on. 

All of this together is what makes him so compelling and so tragic to me. All the characters are human and real, but he’s the closest to a lot of viewers (myself included). He let the attention get to his head for just a bit too long, let himself get swept away in finally having friends. He got distracted thinking that the focus of being a hero was defeating, and not protecting. And all it took was a brief time of getting drunk on this attention, and now he has a little girl’s blood on his hands. It makes me absolutely insane.

I also think he’s such a cool special case because he truly got a taste of his own medicine. The other characters are being judged in an unfamiliar way, but he is being scrutinized in the Exact same way that Fuuta pried open others’ privacy. He was attacked and almost died because of Es’ judgment, just as his victim was attacked because of his judgment. The process of Milgram is putting him in his victim’s shoes, and it’s so cool to see.

Aaaaand on a lighter note – he’s just so fun!! He’s my little skrunkly fr!!! I love his shit-eating grin. I love his ridiculous laugh. I love his crooked teeth. I love the knight theme, and the fire symbolism. It’s pretty standard, but it suits him perfectly. He’s got such cool, badass songs! I’m obsessed with his voice, both his singing and vd performances are incredible. His vds are the only ones I’ll listen to often and out of the blue – Arthur Lounsbery uses such an interesting and fun voice for him ;--; His design is so fun (apparently I have a Type for redhead characters…), and his t2 development and design were amazing! There has been no other Milgram character that I want to reach through the screen and shake violently by the shoulders and also hug so badly 😂

I’m so obsessed with her theme of ‘being so kind that it causes harm’!! Because it’s very easy to dismiss the other characters as unforgivable when you look at the harm they wanted to cause their victim, or disregard they had for their victim’s feelings. But Mahiru… she doesn’t want to cause any harm. At all. She took her boyfriend’s feelings into consideration so much so that she didn’t stop him when she definitely should have. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body and yet she fucked up big time!! It’s such a unique type of murder!! The other characters need to be sat down and told “don’t hurt innocents, don’t seek revenge, don’t be selfish, etc” and then Mahiru is over here like “don’t be… nice to people.” Because it’s not about being nice per se – it’s about not being a doormat. 

(I know her story is still a bit mysterious – my running theory is that her bf had health issues completely separate from their relationship. They started getting bad and he started to consider suicide. Instead of stopping him, Mahiru combined her need to copy her lover (as seen a lot in TIHTBILWY), her ideas that lovers do everything together, and her belief that one should do anything they set their mind to (as seen in her comments about Es/Kotoko and the attack). She says she’ll join him, make it a lovers’ suicide, but doesn’t follow through at the last second.)

She (and Mikoto) have really interesting themes of how not caring for yourself can actually hurt others. They put all their efforts into giving back to others, to society, fitting into the norms and expectations, not questioning others, and it backfires catastrophically. If she had stood up for herself and her relationship, she would not have assumed anyone deserved to die. She would have known that it wasn’t up to her alone to deal with her bf’s mental issues. She obviously wasn’t handling it correctly (rats….) but she didn’t need to! She should have pointed him to professionals instead of deciding she deserved to die along with him! But she was so poisoned by society’s expectations of being the perfect girlfriend and being considerate of others…

She’s just such a tragic case because the power of love is supposed to be perfect. She’s been taught her whole life that it’s wonderful and magical and pure. Who can kill with the power of love, after all? I can completely understand her denial of the situation, because I also wouldn’t picture a terrifying, dark scene if I knew I was only being nice for my whole life! 

And her crime aside – she’s super fun :3 She has The Most Fun songs, she’s full of energy and excitement and enthusiasm! (out of the various english covers I like, hers is the one I jam out to most often hehe). She’s the most stunning character there! I’m a sucker for sunshine-coded characters 🌻🌻🌻I think she has the best symbols out of everyone, between the birdcage and the carousel. The fact that both Mahiru and her bf could be the bird and the cage. The two symbols representing beautiful things that can be trapping. Representing cycles. Representing relationships. I know the hourglass is a popular one but I think this is Yamanaka's finest set of symbols. I am unwell about it. So yeah, rather than give her a good shake I want to yank her right out of there – Get in loser we’re gonna get you some self-love!!!!

And a slightly shorter rant on Yuno because that was a lot adfsdf. Ad I'm aware of the irony that one of my points is that it kinda sucks how most rants on Yuno are cut short :( The thing is, she’s been very honest about her crime, and most people have considered her issue in a context outside of Milgram so they already have a pretty good idea on where their vote stands. Despite being the “obvious” innocent one, she really is the most emotionally charged character imo. It’s easy to relate to the other characters and feel knee-jerk reaction, but none have been so widely discussed as abortion and sex work. I can talk openly about everyone else and get into a nice discussion on morals and emotions, but Yuno is the one character I have to talk very, very carefully around. Whether I’m rambling about Milgram to my family or interacting with new fans, I never know what’s acceptable to say without falling into a whole debate on politics.

So, if it’s made me into someone who keeps quiet and skirts around things, I shudder to imagine the amount of lying/masking Yuno herself must do on a daily basis. I can easily avoid the topic if I choose to – she was dealing with that debate long before coming to Milgram, and is currently dealing with debates and judgements and insults and pity surrounding it. She’s naturally strong so I think fans often forget all the shit that this 18yo is dealing with on a daily basis, and how effortless she’s making it look <3

One thing that always sticks out to me when listening to The Protomen is just how terrible the people of the city are.

Like, a fairly standard assumption in Hero-centric fiction is that people, as a whole, are worth saving. Yes, there are going to be evil villains the hero must fight, and yes, there are going to be scumbags who really aren't worth the heroes effort, but generally there is good in the world and it is worth fighting for.

But that just straight up isn't true in these albums! It starts in Act II with the lynch mob from "The State VS Thomas Light", which I could sort of excuse. People do stupid things when they get caught up in the heat of the moment, and pack mentality is a powerful thing. But as things slowly get worse, no one stands up and says "this isn't right."

By the time of "Breaking Out", there are a grand total of two people willing to do anything about the state of the city, Light and Joe. Then following Joe's very public death, no one else stands up and says enough. Everybody just goes back to keeping their heads down and pretending nothing is wrong, for the next 12 years.

Finally, in "Hope Rides Alone", Protoman arrives to save the day, only to find he's entirely bereft of allies. There is no rebel alliance to help the conquering hero defeat the evil empire. It's just one man, standing alone against an never-ending army. He does his best, he fights his hardest, he gives it everything he's got, but it isn't enough. It was never going to be enough. Not alone.

And this is where the first real nail gets driven into the coffin. "We are the dead." The people of the city chant this as they watch their hero fall, but it's clear he isn't included in their mourning. They cry, not for their fallen warrior, but for themselves, for the fact that they will have to live under Wily for longer. They could step in, fight back, save Protoman. But that would mean risking themselves, and that's just not worth it. And I just have to drive this point home: a man is being beaten to death in front of them, and they're busy singing "Oh, woe is us, the Real Victims™ here."

Fast forward another few years to "Sons of Fate". Megaman arrives to finish what his brother started, only to be forced to murder the man he came to avenge. The crowd that gathers eggs him on the whole time. They don't care that the man he's fighting once fought for them. They don't care that he died trying to free them. They don't care that they're asking their new hero to murder his own family. They only care about themselves. Nothing has changed. No lessons have been learnt.

What else is there for Megaman to do except walk the same path his brother did, only this time with the benefit of hindsight. There will be no last stand, no heroic sacrifice, no warrior to stand between mankind and Wily's horde. This time they are on their own. This time they will have to fight for themselves, or they will be cut down. And Megaman is fine with either option.

I think that's a really neat direction to have taken things, and I'm looking forward to seeing how things finally change for the better in part 3.

Breaking News!

The Radio Demon just aired his dirty laundry LIVE on his own radio show!

“Hey, I’m Vox and you’re watching Vox 2 Nite! Welcome dear viewers to what may just be the most interesting thing to happen all week! We recently received word that Alastor, the Radio Demon, the one helping with that shitty hotel run by the delusional princess of Hell- yeah, that Alastor- went on an entire rant about his tragic backstory, claimed he’d rule another universe, and failed miserably within seconds! Is this guy delusional? He must be if he thought any of this was a good idea!”

“I mean, come on! How cliché can you get? All ‘woe is me’ and ‘I killed my father and my mother starved herself to death, meanwhile I was a very successful radio host for my time despite my hardship, it’s incredibly tragic’ like, how far up your own ass do you have to be? Look, it was the early 1900’s, you lived in the Great Depression, you are literally a boomer. Lots of people died, lots of people starved, and lots of people were homeless! It was the first time in history that suicide became common, simply because everyone was in debt and saw no better way to solve their problems! You think you can excuse your actions simply because you had a tough life? Get a hold of yourself!”

“To make matters worse- or rather, that much more delicious- he wouldn’t shut up about that shirt eating grin he has. We get it, you smile a lot! Ah, but that does make me wonder what kind of look he had on his face when his plan fell apart. I mean, after that entire speech, all that work, having it thrown in your face? I can only imagine his stupid expression, but god, it is pure gold!”

“I must say, that ending to your little broadcast? Pretty on point. I wouldn’t expect anything less from our little Bambi. Running away with his tail between his legs as usual… I’d bet you threw another one of your petty little tantrums afterwards, too! Ha! You really haven’t changed one bit, you old timey prick…”

Private Frequency - Vox Reaches Out (@hazbinradio)

“Hey, uh, Al? Testing, testing… shit, it’s been so long since I’ve reached out to you first through this signal…”

“I remember that smile, you know. How could I forget? Always smiling, but it was different each time. I learned each and every one of them. The night you took me to your favorite speakeasy, where we drank and danced. The day I brought you to a nice restaurant that’d opened in cannibal town- god, I was so eager to impress you. It’s almost laughable. You know the one I remember most vividly, though? That night you stood in the rain, while I sat on the floor of a dirty alleyway. My screen cracked and broken, you looking down at me. The first time it was pity and amusement. The last time was hatred and disgust. Always smiling, but always different. That was the last time I ever saw you clearly.”

“I was taken aback when you first reached out to me, through our old shared signal. I was angry. I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want anything to do with you. But then… you kept pestering me, like you always do. Like you always used to. And- and I… I thought I had a chance. To see you clearly again. You said you were worried and I was- I was upset with myself for thinking it could even be true, even for a moment. I was never strong when it came to you. I caved. I fell for your stupid little tricks and games and- and I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted to make it all up to you. Everything I did. I wanted to catch up like old times and- and I wanted to see you again.”

“But you said no. You had better things to do. Apparently, these ‘better things’ include escaping to another universe, one without me. You said ‘maybe another time’ but it was a lie. Wasn’t it? You were going to leave without saying goodbye. You were going to leave before I could ever explain. You left me alone for seven fucking years Alastor- goddamnit… I can’t let it happen again. I won’t.”

“You aren’t going to leave again, not if I have anything to say about it. You aren’t going anywhere until I see you again. You won’t leave me alone.”

“Not again.”

“Never again.”

Don't think I ever explained it, but the reason I like SWK accidentally killing Mac so much isn't actually for the whumpy apologies, tho the confrontation of it in fics is always so delicious, but what has me going insane is actually the layers of their relationship breakdown. Like, you have these two immortal monkeys, they are perfectly designed by fate for each other's companionship. There is genuine care there, and it never dies. Never. They were just torn apart so tragically. Nobody fell to the dark side, there was no jealousy, no hatred. There was just every manifestation of grief and miscommunication. You could never get the right words out. You couldn't help what came out of your mouth in that moment, the bitterness you would have swallowed back in for just one more morning of peeling tangerines in the summer breeze, all the quiet ways to say 'I love you.' Their break-up was like shredding bamboo, the faults and woes, the insecurities and failings, and the hurtful words and the entrapment and all the ways you can't reach, and the loss of everything and the denial and oh, the time just wasn't right, it all boiled over, and speaking a language that can no longer be heard, and the shattering of unconditionality. They had their own flaws, that you never could have thought would tear them apart, but it did. And they had to go on their own journeys of self-growth, had their own people and places they were devoted to, they were the only ones for each other, but they were not only meant for that. And goodness, was it the wrong time. Wukong, trapped, the loss of freedom he fought for, to be the strongest so he could be free and happy, and everyone else too. Macky, constantly grappling with having to follow the sun-streaked trail Wukong blazes, even the moon unable to pause the day unless the sun chooses to set in its ambition to climb higher into the sky, never coming down. The accident of it all? Even if Swk never did, the "did you think all this time, that I could kill you just like that? like you meant nothing to me?" is going to be SUCH a good broken, grief-stricken line delivery from Wukong. But if not, then ooh, the exploration for those who have a similar anger they try to control, when they release emotions externally, and might accidentally break something, those moments don't define you, but how could you undo the damage, how do you make it normal when its not an object you broke, you hurt a friend, it was you, but it also wasn't you had it only been, what if what if what if- if only, and that's a very basic explanation, and even I can't get all the words down right, but its just a realistic thing, how it all fell apart, I think. that conversation has layers, even if I explain it poorly XD you could grab every tragic tumblr post about fading friendships, and love metaphors with sharing quiet spaces and fruit together, and it could be them. also the "came back wrong" trope potential with Macky, ooh. is it him. despite everything, are you still you, could you ever be. are you the same person killed long ago, is this for the best, or shall we both start over again? can you be recognized underneath it all, and is that tragic or a second chance.

god they have so many layers and one of the cool things about lmk keeping Macky’s death and the specifics of shadowpeach’s relationship vague is how much nuance and subtext is left in there. you can peel back layers upon layers and pain upon pain and bond upon bond and still find new info and interpretations and nuances and—

I know you’ve seen me gripe about not being given enough info, but i do really enjoy it when the story allows us to infer and think deeply about certain aspects of the story. I like it when a story isn’t 100% clear or honest to the audience because that leads you to look deeper. think deeper. and try to fathom all the clues brought to you

(but i gripe about it because i’m inpatient af and like having all the pieces right in front of me. there are so many threads and plot theories i have on my little conspiracy board that i don’t want to touch just yet because i feel like i need more pieces before making a confident analysis)

another thing is that both swk and Macky are unreliable when retelling their past. they have their biases and emotions that are tied to the memories. however, swk omits the truth more than outright lies while Macky cannot keep his emotions away from skewing the past. and then the clear truth comes out when it’s forced out from them (think Samadhi fire and scroll memories)

(then again, swk doesn’t really say much of his past and likes to keep it brief. out of the two he is the most honest in terms of he’s self reflective and understands that his past self has issues. is he completely honest about shit tho? no but we’re talking about shadowpeach)

and the cool thing is that “the love was still there” in the past and even when both were on opposite ends. both monkeys were falling into a darker path and while they had communication issues the love was still there. and even while they fought under the mountain and even when they probably fought during jttw, the love was still there

but neither had the tools to save each other and neither really knew how to stop each other from their doom and isn’t that such a beautiful thing to analyze and think about on the screen?

god i know i keep half-tongue-in-cheek saying that my dad is literally belos owlhouse but. i've apparently gotten a little desensitized to Just How Bad He Is (because i have ESCAPED, YAY) & so today has been a delightful adventure.

i wrote an AITA post from his POV about stuff that happened several years ago, bc i was curious about how bad he'd get dragged - i updated the timeline but the Only fact i changed was the reason for his Woes (i blamed COVID economic struggles, which actually makes him a Hero compared to the truth. the truth being so ugly i'm not gonna detail it here good god).

i kept it true to POV by only using things that he actually did say to me at the time about why he was doing the things that he was doing, & blocking out all the relevant info about why the wronged party (me) was so upset, & having him praise his daughter (me) and go "i love her so much :) she's so smart and independent and i would never hurt her :)", & having him half-assedly admit he might've sounded unreasonable/angry/malicious, in a way that was clearly supposed to earn Good Dad points for being so Willing To Admit Imperfections, despite a continued constant doubling-down refusal to answer questions about actual important shit or fix anything ever.

cannot emphasize enough that this was not a fictionalized/embellished/creative POV. the only points of fiction were 1) my dad did not write these things on reddit, he said them to me in real life word for word instead and 2) this happened many years ago, not like... yesterday.

anyway the thread blew up and the commenters were all so kind and genuinely worried for me (as in, the daughter) and offering so much help that i hopped on a diff account to be my past self so i could reassure people i'm okay & had a plan in motion for gettin' the hell outta dodge. because i felt REALLY BAD that they didn't know i..... did in fact get out. people were so nice it made me actually fucking cry jesus CHRIST. i had in fact perhaps forgotten that these things were all as bad and worrying as they were

now. this is all a very serious and harrowing-sounding prelude to the actual point of this post, which is. a bullet list of some of my FAVORITE FUCKING RESPONSES. revel in these with me i had so much fucking fun. i have taken DOZENS AND DOZENS of screenshots to peruse whenever i need a healthy dose of Perspective

here they r:

you are CARTOONISHLY EVIL?

HOLY ABUSE BATMAN

DO BETTER. RIGHT NOW.

did you even listen to yourself writing this. HOW

there's something seriously wrong with you. like on an intrinsic unfixable level

hey this happened to me too! my parent died and i had a party about it btw

your daughter is never going to speak to you again after this

(note from the future: yeah)

you're going to act confused and sad when she goes no-contact aren't you

(NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: HE SURE FUCKING IS)

i think you are creating your own problems and then getting mad at them. maybe instead you could not do that

is this ragebait. i can't imagine anyone this horrible actually existing

this isn't ragebait. i can tell this isn't ragebait because I Know This Kind Of Man So Intimately

you are the asshole on literally so many levels i'm going to write a 15 paragraph response line-by-line dissecting everything wrong with you

are you aware that you're lying or are you literally this incapable of 2 seconds of honest self-reflection

i need to donate to a gofundme for your daughter right now immediately

(note from the future: i am not going to scam people by pretending a long-done sitch is a current emergency on gofundme. have no fear.)

wow. okay i'm gonna go hug my mom and thank her for not being you

you are Actually Literally Empirically the Actual Literal Worst Parent who has Actually Literally Ever Existed

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU????

WHO DO YOU FUCKING THINK YOU ARE.

I AM A 57-YEAR-OLD MOM OF FOUR ADULT CHILDREN AND THE MERE THOUGHT OF DOING ANY OF THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE HERE MAKES ME PHYSICALLY NAUSEOUS

these vibes are so skeevy. leave her the fuck alone????

along with ASTONISHINGLY accurate inferences about exactly what was happening with the daughter (me) in all the missing missing reasons & like..... exactly how the situation was So Much More Ugly And Horrifying than an innocently confused i'm-so-well-intentioned dad-POV post would have you believe.

so. anyway. that was literally the most validating experience i've ever had in my entire life. i know i've said he's a bad guy before but i also always forget just how far beyond the pale he is. like wow that was. that was not a normal average human experience to have growing up huh.

IN CONCLUSION.

if you guys are ever wondering why i am the way that i am about, like........ anything....... everything....... whatever......

just remember.

i was raised by belos owlhouse.

TW: references to canonical egg deaths. But nothing on screen, just people being sad.

It's a cold night, but Forever doesn't mind. Richars is already in bed - most of the island is - but he stays up, and awake, and working on his base. He likes working like this, even if it is a little lonely.

He hums to himself as he places the materials, missing the sound of the warp as he keeps himself company.

A tugging at his trousers is the first thing he notices.

Forever looks down, a little confused, to see Chayanne standing there, unusually still.

"Chayanne?" he asks, a little teasing. "What is it? Did you come to fight me again?"

The tears stops when he sees the tears well up, sees Chayanne struggling to write on the newly placed sign.

"No, no," Forever says, kneeling down by the egg. "What's wrong? Can you show me?"

Chayanne turns back, holding out his hands. Confused, Forever takes them, automatically running his thumbs along the scars.

Philza is an amazing parent, he does his absolute best, but with an island constantly trying to kill the eggs, such things are inevitable. Everyone has some, and the eggs scar so much easier than most.

Chayanne tenses up a little, then relaxes, then takes one hand away and puts it on his chest.

"A heart hurt?" Forever asks, shifting a little closer. "Come here, tell me about it."

Forever is honestly surprised when Chayanne does so, crawling into his lap. He wonders why Chayanne came here, before remembering Philza is once again away - that he said, while he was gone, to look after Chayanne and Tallulah. Tallulah would have been the more expected child to come to /him/ not Bad, but... Here Chayanne is.

He wraps the boy in a hug, and lets him write.

'I miss them' is written on a yellow sign.

There's a lot of people Chayanne could miss, for such a little egg so many things have happened. Forever pats his head, and smiles at him, and picks one.

"Your dads will be home soon," he promises, though he can only really speak for one of them. "You'll see."

Forever gets punched in the leg. He winces, but keeps hold of the boy.

His dedication to holding him seems to be right, because Chayanne slams down another sign.

'Bobby' is all it reads.

"Oh Chayanne," and Forever is so very out of his depth, so very very far from his expertise - especially as Tilin and Trump and JuanaFlippa's names also appear. "I'm sorry."

He genuinely has no idea what to say, but more signs appear before he can work it out.

'What if I fail again?' he writes. 'What if someone else gets hurt?' 'dies' 'I'm the eldest' 'isn't it my job to look after them?' 'I failed and now they're gone' 'I miss them'

Chayanne shakes with the pen trailing on another sign, face to the floor. Gently Forever turns him back around, finding his face.

"It's not your fault," Forever does his best to promise. "It's for the adults to look after you, and we will. You didn't fail them."

'You don't know' 'You weren't here.'

Forever wasn't, it's true. But he can feel the echoes of the eggs across the island, and he also knows it could never have been Chayanne's fault.

The best and the worst of his father, no? A strong, brave boy, who blames himself for being too weak against the woes of the world.

"I know if there was anything you could have done, you would have."

Forever isn't expecting Chayanne to curl up and cry in his lap, but he holds him tight anyway. He's a little bigger than Richars, but Forever sings him the same songs. They're not ones Chayanne knows, or can even understand, but it's all Forever can think of in that moment - and, see? He's inadequate too.

Eventually Chayanne pulls away, popping down another sign.

'He only said he was going exploring. He never came home.'

"Sometimes things go wrong," Forever doesn't know how to explain this to a child. "Accidents happen, and its nobody's fault. It just... is."

Another pause, another shiver, another pause.

Another sign.

'What if dad also never comes home?'

Forever holds Chayanne a little tighter.

"He will," Forever promises. "He will."

you would know me

For the last day of #BG3FicFeb, the prompt is "AU of your choice," and I absolutely cannot resist an AU prompt.

Please enjoy this preposterously self-indulgent urban fantasy drabble, in which my bard Tav Lia and several members of the Tadgang are in a band that sings my favorite songs with no regard for genre or time period. Lyrics borrowed from The Gin Blossoms and Dar Williams.

____________________

Astarion realizes he’s made a mistake the moment he takes a seat at the bar. From the outside, the Faerie’s Fire looks like his usual sort of place, dark and anonymous, the kind of spot where sad souls drink themselves into oblivion and go home with any stranger who flashes them a smile and feigns sympathy for their woes.

Inside, however, he can feel anticipation in the air. Merriment. Happiness. There’s a stage in the corner, just a little raised area held up on splintering feet, and a band setting up on it, five people in torn t-shirts propping a keyboard onto a stand and arranging a set of drums just so. 

Live music. Gods. As if my life needed more suffering in it.

But Astarion knows just how to turn this to his advantage. After the first song or two, there will be someone who makes a face and leaves, unable to tolerate the bad acoustics and general mediocrity. He’ll catch up to them on the streets, agree that the music was terrible. And from there he’ll draw them to their death.

It’s not fair, of course, that good taste in music might be the reason someone dies tonight. But it’s been centuries since Astarion has been permitted to think about things like “fair.”

The bartender is a man nearing forty, with shoulder-length brown hair and a circular tattoo just below his throat. Astarion catches his eye. “Whiskey, neat. Whatever’s most expensive.”

“A man of taste!” the bartender says cheerfully, reaching for a bottle below the counter. 

He says a few more things, about this particular bottle and the distiller and how he normally drinks wine himself but enjoys this whiskey from time to time. Astarion hums in assent but isn’t really listening; bartenders always want to finish their shift, which makes them poor targets. He hands over a few bills without comment and shoves the change into the tip jar. 

As Astarion sips his drink, the shriek of a microphone alerts the patrons that things are about to begin. The murmur in the bar dies down as a man steps forward, and Astarion blinks with sudden surprise and interest. The man is a devil bearing a crown of heavy horns, with deep brown skin, dreadlocks, and eyes that are visibly two different colors even in the dim light of the bar. He wears a dark red shirt with the sleeves torn off and a leather cuff around one wrist, and his smile is pure charm as he looks out over the small crowd.

“Hey. I’m Wyll, and we’re Wyll and the Ravens. We’re here every Thursday. If you don’t know us yet, that’s Karlach on drums—” 

A tall red tiefling woman with one horn bashes a cymbal enthusiastically.

“Shadowheart on keys—”

A pale half-elf wearing her hair in a long white braid nods to the crowd.

“Lae'zel on bass–”

A githyanki in dark eye makeup stares out at the audience, and does nothing save blink once.

“And Lia on vocals and guitar.”

A pretty silver-blue tiefling with purple hair and no horns gives a little wave.

“Thanks for joining us tonight.” Wyll grins. “Let’s get started.”

He nods to Lia; the guitarist taps her foot as she begins playing. Karlach and Shadowheart and Lae’zel join a measure later, and a few measures after that, Wyll begins to sing.

And to Astarion’s shock, the music is good. 

It’s not saccharine pop or self-important metal, the two main genres that he seems to encounter when he’s out hunting. It’s rock with an edge of folk, energetic and rich, bittersweet lyrics accompanied by skillful riffs on the guitar. It’s the kind of music that, in another life, Astarion could imagine himself playing on the highway, singing under his breath until he can’t resist belting the chorus as he drives.

“Is there a line that I could write, sad enough to make you cry? ” the devil sings as the guitarist harmonizes behind him. “All the lines you wrote to me were lies.”

Near the back of the bar, Astarion sees someone stand up to leave. He knows he ought to follow—but the guitarist is changing keys, moving into a new song, and suddenly the thought of not knowing what they’ll play next is unbearable.

Astarion sits there through five songs, watching the patrons in the bar sway and dance and exchange squealing observations about how hot the lead singer is. He does not enjoy himself, exactly; he knows what he still must do tonight, what is waiting for him back home, and that knowledge precludes true enjoyment of anything. But he allows himself to appreciate. To pretend, for a minute, that he’s an ordinary elf who happened to find some decent music while wandering the streets of Baldur’s Gate.

And then Wyll steps away from the microphone and reaches for a water bottle, and the guitarist is stepping forward, a slightly shy grin on her lips.

“So. This is the part in the evening where I give Wyll a break for a song or two, and you all indulge me in whatever sad-girl guitar music I’ve been working on,” she tells the audience, winking as she strums the strings of her instrument. “This one is called ‘If I Wrote You.’”

Now would be a good moment to hunt, Astarion thinks. He can sense the bar’s restlessness, their skepticism about the promised sad-girl guitar music. Someone is about to stand up and walk out that door; he can feel it. But a ripple of notes sounds from the guitar, and the tiefling begins singing, and once again he finds himself in no mood to leave.

The song is about a letter from someone the singer once loved—a boyfriend or girlfriend, Astarion supposes, though that detail is never filled in—and loves still. The singer does not know what to write back. It is a simple story, but there is a longing to it that pulls at something in Astarion’s chest. Longing for things he can’t have, after all, is an emotion he knows well.

“And if I wrote you,” the tiefling sings, her voice rich and sweet, “You would know me, and you would not write me again.”

Bass and keyboard join in, filling out the spaces around the guitar’s plucked notes; a gentle rhythm from the drums feels like the beat of a breaking heart. Wyll steps to Lia’s abandoned microphone and sings a soft, deep harmony. The bar is silent as the tiefling weaves her story, as the song’s subject decides how to answer the letter.

“And I’m so happy,” she sings,

“I had to tell you. And I love you. And you will not write me again. No, you will not write me again.”

The applause is warm and sincere. Astarion joins it half unconsciously. He tries to tell himself he is only doing it to blend in, but even as the thought forms he knows it’s a lie. Wyll is a spectacular front man, all charm and raw charisma—but there is something about the tiefling that holds him almost captive when she sings.

Lia grins and begins playing another song, this one faster and more upbeat. Astarion allows himself to listen to its opening notes before he forces himself to push back from the bar. He begins to make his way to the exit, trying not to look over his shoulder as he does so.

He never hunts in the same spot twice, not without a year or more in between successful trips. He tries to take those who will not be missed, but he knows that his activities will occasionally lead to investigations, and questions, and to someone remembering a white-haired elf who is mysteriously absent from the security tape. 

And so, even though he still has to bring prey to Cazador tonight, he will not take anyone from the Faerie’s Fire.

Wyll said they play every Thursday, and he would very much like to come back.

Also on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54154693

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ” — Kai, one night when they’re both really high and haven’t gotten together yet

unhinged comedic relief

He glanced at Kai, half-lidded greys straining to focus on that stupid look on his face - and all he could think, between shades of gold and black hair, the twitch of his lips and the droop of his eyes, was that maybe Kai had bad taste. A proclivity toward making certifiably bad decisions with bad people, not that he was any kind of saint. That's part of what made him so attractive anyway, to him; Loux might've been a little more... honest with himself, recently, but he wasn't any good with words. A lot of the time, he was satisfied with things as they were - hanging out and fucking like rabbits when time could be afforded, and all the little things he was too high to think of off the top - and why ruin a good thing by opening his mouth?

Maybe it was shitty of him, to find relief in Kai voicing even a hint of reciprocity first. Shittier, still, to think it ridiculous and stupid that he'd even implied with a question asked stoned out of his mind-- Insecurity? No. Immaturity? Maybe. Labels sowed drama, labels interrupted what would otherwise be entirely natural, instinctive. Unspoken truths were still true. Fucking Kai into a mattress until he couldn't cum anymore was the closest he would ever get to saying it out loud, and some part of him was bitter that it couldn't be enough in the moment, but - there was something about him. Something about Kai that made him consider it, the whole title thing. And maybe he was fixating on the wrong things, giving himself an excuse to avoid the subject at hand, deny deny deny and run away the first chance he gets- No, that wasn't going to happen, try as he might.

He liked Kai. All the little somethings about him, his smile, his scent, the sensation of his fingertips on his thigh, kisses and bites to the ugliest parts of him, naked, covered in blood, high, the faces he made, his voice - everything, really. But, most of all, in the whirlwind of contradictory, frustrated, affectionate thoughts, Kai could keep up with him. The party never really stopped for them, as long as they were around each other; He never had a bad time with him, rather sought out more fun with him, diving head-first into several bad decisions of his own just so he could show Kai something new, something strange, and experience even more with him, bad decisions made together.

Maybe it helped his dick was immaculate, and maybe it helped a lot. Maybe that made Loux a piece of shit, but he could never be with anyone who didn't fuck him right. Not for long, anyway. Kai...matched him, in every sense of the word. In idiocy, in criminal behavior, in sex, in all the things that did and didn't matter to the ever-shifting fox. No one had ever gotten him out of his clothes faster than Kai, and that had to have said something, all things considered... No one had quite gotten under his skin like him, either.

"Yeah, actually," he said, mouth going dry, palms a touch clammy. He ambled over, resting his head on Kai's shoulder, justifying it with his difficulty in keeping his head up. Kai was smarter than that, though, he'd know. "All th' time..."

Why wouldja wanna be, though? Nothin' special 'bout bein' mine. 'ma fuckin' pig. E'eryone I love dies, all tha' corny woe is me shit. Was jus' bein' a dick t' ya an' ya don' e'en know it... 'ow couldja e'er want me? I don' deserve it. Would be better if we ne'er met. M' chest wouldn't feel so fuckin' tight righ' now if we didn't, an' maybe ya'd find someone who can bring ya closer t' center. 'ma lost cause. Always 'ave been. I'll fail you too, an' tha's a wrong I'd...probably kill m'self t' right.

But he tried to play it cool, besides. Maintain some semblence of composure. Closing his eyes, nestling himself in beside Kai. Maybe if he pretended to doze off, he wouldn't have to deal with the onslaught of bullshit whirling around in his head. Maybe Kai would fall asleep right there with him. Let things lie until they were both sober enough to talk about this properly. Or maybe Loux's mouth would pry itself open and there'd be nothing he could do about it.

"D'ya wanna, yanno, try it...?"