#not dead just barely alive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cellophaine · 2 months

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Not me being on the brink of deleting my blog and disappearing into the unknown to coming up with a new story and vigorously typing it down on my computer.

#i’m the problem #not dead just barely alive

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deityofhearts · 30 days

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my paycheck ended up being less than it was supposed to be and after paying my phone bill i don’t have any money left for groceries and other necessities until the next paycheck (so two weeks from now) and idk what else to do other than ebeg for help affording things. Idk how much to even ask for without being absurd

$0/$150

kofi

cashapp

venmo

paypal

#deity dialogue #I hate my whole ass life lol #I’d rather be dead than have to constantly live like this but unfortunately I’m still fucking alive.#like at least I’ll be able to pay my phone bill but there’s a lot of shit that I need that I just won’t be able to afford #I just want to cry #like I do not want to do this anymore I do not want to exist anymore I’m freaking tired of it.#I hate life I hate the world I hate everything #I hate my job too. I’m full of hate can you tell???#it’s not like I asked to be born and have to barely make it by every goddamn day

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biterflies · 2 years

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batfam being cryptids: boring, over done, theyre just some people in masks if you shot them theyre done-zo

flash fam being cryptids: new, exiciting, they are intrinsically tied to an eldritch multiversal force that gives them the power to change the very fabric of time *by Accident* and that when not harnessed properly will Kill them and possibly destroy entire universes

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localguy2 · 1 year

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Might be a bit of a weird thing but I want to see Kai's sudden anger sprouts or emotional outbreaks to come back, or basically some aspects of pre S8 Kai.

I want to see Kai motherfucking smith be mad at anyone really.

The Merge just happened and fuck me his family is scattered again, they're probably just as worried and confused and scared as him and he's sick of everyone he cares about getting constantly in danger, intentionally or not.

And then he meets Lloyd, or Nya, and he's sorta relieved but at the same time, the others are still missing out there somewhere.

So he gets clingy onto them, "if I can't find the rest I have to keep the ones I have close me to safe."

Of course this comes from worrying over the others and their safety, and if the name "Imperium" and if their nindroids and Vehicles and genrals are anything to go off of, they're an absolute force to be wrecked with.

Doesn't help either that there's the responsibility now of ensuring Sora and Arin (and Riyu) are safe as well.

And the moment I want to see him have an anger or emotional outburst is in a scenario where Nya makes a one off comment about Kai being overbearing and protective of them.

And Kai just snaps at Nya.

He goes on a large fucking tangent about how he's always had to stay calm in clearly shitty situations, because they as a group just keep getting separated time and time and time again, danger around the corner at any given moment and he's tired of it.

And it would especially hurt him that the comment comes from Nya out of all people, because not too long ago she was still one with the sea, he had to sacrifice his entire childhood just to raise and protect her, and he knows to respect her boundaries and beliefs but in his mind the last time he went too soft it ended up with her sacrificing herself for them.

And he doesn't want to go soft nor can he because at any given moment, one of them could give their entire being just to save the others, and he's seen it way too many times, so he just can't.

#ninjago #kai smith #lloyd garmadon #nya smith #As much as I love Nya #There's one comment from her in Seabound that REALLY ticks me off #When Ray and Maya are over the monastery #Nya talks about how Kai is loving all the babying he's receiving #And Nya seems... Upset?!?? About that?!#Like hello???#Kai lost his entire childhood #He spent it all trying to raise you and keep you alive and well #He's BARELY had any of his childhood because most of it was spent raising you Nya #So when his parents that he for so long thought were dead come back into his life #Of course he's gonna at least wanna spend some time with them #Being babyed or not cuz THAT MAN DESERVES IT AFTER EVERYTHING HE WENT THROUGH #God sometimes I just get irrationally annoying at how Kai was treated throughout the series #Just poor fucking guy man...#He gave up so much and he deserves some sort of award or prize for it #Just... Give him a hug #Tell him he's doing good... Or something #I dunno #Just appreciate him more #All I'm asking for really #Give Kai love

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cursedvibes · 4 months

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I think Kenjaku should switch bodies or that we see more variety and depth of the bodies they had in the past because why introduce a bodysnatcher into your story if they stay in the same body for 99.99% of the story and barely even change design from the original vessel (the Takaba fight satisfied me a bit in that regard but I'm still salty that not even a black hole could make Gege change Kenjaku's character design even a little bit)

#I'm just sick of all the comparisons with whatever body they currently inhabit (particularly Geto but I see it with Kaori too)#if they are alive I want them to switch not for Geto's body to stand up again for the nth time and nothing changes #give me something new and refreshing and burn obliterate pulverize those fucking robes and any copy of them #let Kenjaku finally get away from Geto's body fucking please #you could play around with their design so much as the Takaba fight showed but we barely get anything new otherwise #if Kenjaku is dead then it's a waste of potential and I really only have the Heian flashback to look forward to #the only good thing coming out of it is that we're finally rid of Geto for good rest in piss Wichser #jujutsu kaisen #kenjaku

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ghost-bard · 9 months

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Anyone else think william wisp should have autopsy scars from the first time he died 🧍‍♂️

#jrwi #just roll with it #prime defenders #jrwi prime defenders #william wisp #idk mannnn #i think if he was dead for a little while itd be interesting #like. he fell and he was just in purgatory for a while #and during that he got autopsied #but no one made a big deal about bc its deadwood #and then he comes back #not alive but not dead either #and when he looks down at his bare chest is a reminder of what could have been

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rosykims · 5 months

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like out of all the many, many traumas ive given elspeth my favorite has gotta be the deep roads lol. and specifically the way she never really got OUT of them. yeah so maybe her body did but not HER. shes still down there with ruck and helspith every time she closes her eyes. and during future expeditions when she goes down into the deep roads for real, it doesnt feel like some horrible nightmare it feels like REALITY and its the surface and love and warmth and alistair thats nothing more than a pleasant dream. one shes always going to wake up from. bc even in her happiest moments she's never not aware of the darkspawn digging up towards her just a few miles under her feet. and never not feeling the eyes of the deep roads looking at her, gleefully waiting for her, and knowing its not going anywhere

#i love shale but for elspeth's worldstate i dont recruit her bc im so obsessed w the dynamic of it being elspeth/alistair/oghren/the dog lol #oc: elspeth #tay plays dao #she got SEVERE shell shock being down there in the dead trenches after the realization that came from helspith's poem #why shes never seen any female darkspawn and why there apparently arent as many female wardens either #and like. Understanding that death is the absolute best case scenario for her.#alistair had to 100000% step up as the leader because she was completely out of commission. barely able to breathe let alone fight or lead #going from this unstoppable warrior who NEVER loses her nerve or control on a battlefield #to nearly dying to the broodmother bc she was so fucking terrified. bc all she could see was her own fate mirrored back at her #finally FINALLY understanding what it means to be a grey warden. and then trying to reject that reality with her entire body and soul #she pulls herself out of it enough to get out alive but she never had a moment of like... triumph over the deep roads where she had a burst #of courage and saved the day or whatever. thats not usually how trauma works and so alistair carried them thru that #thru the broodmother and the anvil and branka and back to orzammar just as elspeth was beginning to put herself back together #afterwards the lack of closure to what was one of her ''weakest'' lowest moments rly weighed her down with guilt and shame #and its only a year later during awakening when she finally reconciles with having NO choice but to go back into the deep roads #and being able to kill the mother. THAT helped. that restored some small part of her #gave her the strength to start going back down there when the need arose. resigned to an early death but ready to put up a fight #but ye. still such a fundamentally devastating thing she went thru which altered her entire personality to the point where she starts fully #embracing being a warden (bc how can someone who's seen what shes seen and done what shes done be anything else???)#and INSISTING alistair take the throne despite having always been supportive of his desire not to. even if it means she loses him.#bc its a last ditch effort to save him from the fate she's completely surrendered herself to #sigh. this game man.#i need dadw to Confirm that the grey wardens have found a cure and alistair and hof are safe because jesus christ. my girl NEEDS a win

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ladynicte · 1 year

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Either way this quote is about Nico di Angelo actually I just decided

#like as a general this quote fits nico so much because of just how wild and uncontrollable his love really is #the fact that traumatized and hurt and maltrioutined and barely awake as he was #as scared as he was #he still used what little strength he had to drag himself towards Percy before him and Annabeth fell into Tartarus #and just everything else he did for Percy like its no exaggeration to say that it was Nico's efforts to find a way around the prophecy #that managed to keep Percy alive through it #but hes not like that just about him if nico loves you he will die for you he will kill for you he will raise the dead to try to bring you #back for years he will command the earth to part for you #like hes so wild i love him #mad percico quote this is #> web weaving

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6-2-aestheticsofhate · 4 months

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Something I've been thinking about for a while is that I dont think the gay parts and the horrors of war parts of Ultrakill necessarily clash, and its weird to see people who think they do. I've seen people (on Tumblr) complain that everyone just wants to focus on the gay parts and not on the other messages in Ultrakill and I don't think it's that much of an issue? A lot of people I've seen here are willing to explore the themes of war and more serious topics also present in Ultrakill, but I think they're just... very heavy topics that people are somewhat more likely to avoid if they're not in the mood for them? It's easy to make and consume and understand shipping fanart and fic and to process it but talking about war and death and hell can take its toll and can be a lot to process. I'm still thinking about some of the new stuff in the new update and have mostly taken to making memes about it rather than making larger more thought out posts because of how much horrifying new lore we were given.

#love how i had to clarify i've seen other people on tumblr say that and it wasnt the beloathed reddit #ultrakill spoilers #<- barely #but anyways yeah i've been thinking for a while its like #okay yeah the guttermen were hooked up with still alive humans to use as a living fuel source #mannequins were sinners who were transformed into demons and had their limbs twisted and cant control their own bodies anymore #you see a husk in the very early stages of becoming a mannequin #the ground in one of the levels is layers upon layers of dead bodies #the death of humanity and the war and the fact hell was INSPIRED by what happened #its fucking brutal #this game and its lore are so intense and beautiful and horrible #and sometimes you just need a bit to think about and process it before saying anything

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kindacts · 5 months

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10 thai drama/ql people i want carnally

tagged by @sandrayy, thank you 💖 (changed the title a bit bc i'm doing all kinds). not in order. also i haven't watched that many since i haven't been doing this for very long, so there are going to be some i have not actually seen yet whoops !

1. sand, only friends

i probably shouldn't speak too much to maintain some semblance of dignity but i'll just keep it simple and say that one look from this man would have me on my knees in a millisecond. he has it allllll

2. ray, only friends

i mean.... *gestures vaguely* not to expose myself but this gif in particular was the last straw before i gave in and got into all this in the first place, so. khaotung is so charming as ray it's crazy (but he always is)

3. pa, bad buddy

(i guess take this with a grain of salt bc she's younger in the show, but love is my age). so sweet, funny, perfectly awkward... my lovely pa... definitely had a crush and i need her. badly

4. porjai, last twilight

god, what a woman. confident, no-nonsense, caring, fun, and stupidly hot. thank you

5. porsche, kinnporsche [haven't technically watched]

apo nattawin is just a work of art and i can appreciate that (and i do know he was so charismatic as porsche). the blurred lines of attraction vs gender envy this man caused in me could be studied

6. mork/mhok, last twilight

the biggest softie behind a rough exterior? sign me the fuck up. such a romantic and so smart and down to earth i'm in love with him

7. yok, not me

you know, i thought i'd try to make it through this list without repeats, but i stumbled upon this gif again and stared at it for a minute and remembered how obsessed i am with yok. so. whatever.

8. wanwan, p.s. i hate you [currently watching]

she's soooo. she's so! oh my gosh. i don't have words yet bc i just started this but i'm already hooked on her energy

9. todd, not me

who can resist a morally grey man with a silver chain and his shirt completely unbuttoned, bruised and bloodied, smirking through tears down the barrel of a gun? NOT ME!

10. jean, the warp effect [plan to watch]

i already have a feeling i'm gonna love her. that's all

(11.) i have to give an honorable mention to my boy ayan, he doesn't quite fit this list exactly the way it's worded but i'd be with him forever and ever <3 my favorite, kisskiss

#first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #love pattranite #namtan tipnaree #apo nattawin #jimmy jitaraphol #pat chayanit #sing harit #fah yongwaree #i'm dead #i'm alive but i'm dead #this was so hard i've barely watched anything SDJKFHSJDK #like i know the actors but not the characters #also i absolutely have not watched any ql from any other countries sorry #i just got here #anyway if it isnt extremely obvious i'm an fk bitch through and through

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curious-vulture · 1 year

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Went on an educational trip to South Africa with my classmates and found so many skulls and other cool stuff! Left it all there of course, but it was so cool to see!

From left to right, impala skull, phalanges of a giraffe, kudu and impalas, rhino skull, elephant skull, rhino and elephant jaw, impala skulls, giraffe and cow skull, dead buffalo and an impala skull

#vulture culture #my post #animal skull #there was so much more and it was so cool #it was so interesting to see and compare #where im from there are barely any big animals so to just see them #both alive and dead was so interesting #i learned so much and had a great time #also we helped capture a giraffe #all guided by professionals of course #the capture was necessary and as quick and stressless as possible #south africa

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fate-defiant · 1 year

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i have two, no three fancomics in me rn and it's rotten work it's such rotten work

#ill fucking do it but christ alive #do you know how frustrating it is that nowhere on the internet. NOWHERE ON THE INTERNET CAN I FIND A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO--#--.......any folk clothing really #like listen. everytime i look up that shit its either #1) photos of folk dancers wearing STAGE COSTUMES. its a start but it aint it #(though i did give in eventually cos eeeehhhhh it fits narratively kinda?? you'll see before i am dead i hope)#2) old and grainy photos where you cant make out the fucking details #and that's not even scratching the surface like #EXPLAIN ALL THE LAYERS TO ME. DON'T JUST LIST WHAT CLOTHIGN ARTICLES ARE WORN TELL ME WHICH IS WHICH. SHJOW ME THE ORDER #HOW IS THAT SHIT TIED WHAT CLASS/MARITAL STATUS/RELIGIOUS GROUP DOES THAT INDICATE WHAT OCCASION #IS THERE LIKE A NONO? IS THERE A NONO FOR CERTAIN PATTERNS AND COLORS? BITCH TELL ME #TELL ME ALL THE DETAILS I NEED THEM I DONT WANNA DIG AROUND THE INTERNET FOR BOOKS #ALSO WHY. WHY ARE THERE FASHION HISTORY BOOKS WITH BARELY ANY PICTURES #YOU ARE DISCUSSING A VISUAL MEDIUM! V I S U A L!!!!!!!#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #also did you know izmir turkey has a long and messy and fascinating history. like 4000 years. Goddamn #fate.txt #off topic

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starlooove · 1 year

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I’ve been inspired by @milimeters-morales so here’s my transfemme miles HAIR hcs bc hair is vv important to me:

So first she rocks with it short and she doesn’t rlly feel a need to grow it out or anything since it honestly really helps with the mask and that didn’t contribute to her dysphoria, like at all. At first it made her kinda self conscious bc she always read shit about ppl hating like every aspect of themselves, but there’s a lot about her self that she genuinely just doesn’t give a fuck about and her hair is one of them buuuuutttt

She starts seeing those little memes of the blk girl starter pack or throwback pics of favorite beads and she’s feeling a little jealous…and she feels so ridiculous bc no way is she getting this upset bc of a Twitter trend but she is and so she decides to do what she always does when she’s upset and just wants to rant as opposed to finding a solution; she goes to uncle Aaron

He hooks her up with the best braider on the block and listen, Miles KNOWS it’s gonna be a nightmare when she has to do spider stuff, she KNOWS she’ll probably have to take the beads out soon for stealth reasons, but for now she grins in the mirror and shakes her head till she’s dizzy just to hear the click clacking of the red and blue beads <3

#this is hair related #but Im gonna drop my personal hcs for miles and her trajectory #and It’s gonna be short and sweet cause I’m so fucking tired #cis male to gender apathetic to trans femme to genderfluid #he him to She her to They them to any #but honestly for me #when I think of genderfluid and any pronouns I’m thinking of miles when she’s like 16-17 #at 13-15 is transfemme #gender apathy was like a few months before she saw black cat and was like I wanna do that #and the pronouns i use are not a reflection of whatever age I’m imagining her at I know it’s confusing bare with me #I’ll mostly use she her or a mix of any depending on the post #idkkkk #oh and i wanna specify #if she wants compassion she goes to mom if she wants a solution she goes to dad #if she just wants to rant she goes to Aaron #all three of them provide each thing but that’s just what she associated them with #so yeah Aarón did provide a solution but it changes absolutely nothing about her process fuck you #and listen Aarón is not dead to me #like idk he prolly will be soon in my mind scape #but i didn’t have him long enough so he’s Alive now

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psychoticwillgraham · 3 months

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they hate me for my alt butch swag (they being teenagers in the coffee shop and ridiculing me bc i look sick as fuck)

#got the idea to start doing more silly pics where I’m making faces #and looking stupid on purpose bc all of my childhood pics of me #i always had a smile on my face and always pulling cringey faces to the camera #and once u hit my teen years in the old stuff there’s barely any pics of me in general #and when there is they’re just me in an awkward smile #but u can tell I’m dead inside in them #barely remember my entire life except for small periods time and insignificant moments #but now that I’m as stable as I’m ever gonna be and I’m sober #and free of the bonds from my life before grandma died #i can find reasons to smile and be silly and make good memories #so at least i can remember some moments where i was genuinely happy #and happy to be alive #got real sappy there oops

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thepinkseashell · 8 months

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<3

#before its not boston2's birthday anymore i have to make a sentimental little post about her. because i love her. so here goes.#that day actually kind of changed my life a little bit.#i had been very deeply unwell for years and i think that was the day that a little switch flipped in me and the ice began to melt #and i started to be okay.#i dont think i had ever experienced that type of sheer joy and elation and relief and catharsis and it just sortof sent a shock to my system #like. this is real! you are real! you are alive!#you are capable of feeling and existing and being so do it! go. exist. be. live. breathe. and god did i fucking try #and i cant say it was suddenly easy after that. of course not. it is still not quite easy now. but its gotten better. little by little #i started doing things more. i started seeing myself more as human.#and things sort of snowballed and now i feel like im on the cusp of something. i dont know what.#the cusp of living. the cusp of being alive. the cusp of being human.#its the same but different. i was so very dead and just barely teetering into not dead and now im not dead and teetering into alive. i think #i am not substantially different than i was a year ago. not on paper. but i have hope now. i have a little sliver of something.#i have clawed at the wall long enough to dig a hole and goddamn it im climbing through it if it kills me.#boston2 was a catalyst for me. a celebration. an invitation. an apology. a love letter. a hug. a kiss. it was my permission to be okay.#and maybe i am. maybe i will be.#i love you boston2. thank you for everything. i will exist. i will live. i will breathe. and my first breath will be for you.

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sunsrefuge · 1 month

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random liifa post incoming i just have Prior Obligation first ♥

#gotta think up a liifa info point to chatter about..#'del ur posting a lot suddenly are u manic??' MAYBE but im also just excited that my laptop isnt broken #also. cringe is dead and im alive to LIVE not just survive and barely enjoy myself. SO. im on ur dash now. again.#/rambling

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