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nonranghaes · 11 months

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warnings: spider mentions bc writer is terrified and needs to write comfort. this is idol au, btw. (also readers in a polyamorous relationship with both chris and felix, just a heads up)

chris jolts awake when he feels you tugging at his sleeve, barely opening his eyes by the time you speak up.

“christheresahugespidercanyoupleasegogetridofit--”

it’s... a lot. it’s clear that you’re terrified (although his brain hasn’t deciphered what you said yet), and he sits up, reaching out to pull you in. on the other side of the bed, he can feel felix stir from his own slumber--and he hears him stifle a yawn. chris just focuses on you, though, “honey--”

you sniffle, fingers dinging into his arm as you hold him by the forearms, “please go get it before it moves--”

he doesn’t even have to decipher what you said anymore. he knows only one thing gets you this scared, and he gently pulls you in further until you’re actually sitting on the bed. “it’s okay,” he says, “i’ll go catch it. don’t worry,” he presses a kiss onto the crown of your head, getting out of bed. “i won’t come back until it’s gone, okay?”

you nod frantically, and chris mumbles felix’s name to rouse him further. felix turns over, gaze meeting chris’s--although he quickly nods toward you, redirecting the attention--and he understands. he kicks off the blankets, crawling over to you as chris takes his leave as designated-spider-getter.

“it’s okay,” he murmurs softly, drawing you in for a hug. “chris will get it.”

your breath hitches, and felix can feel as you start to cry. it’s a frustrating fear to have--felix knows, as does chris, because you’ve cried to them before about how you wish you could just be normal about those eight-legged little things--and you know that they’re far more afraid of you than you are of them. or, well, that’s what everyone tells you. you haven’t seen a spider have a breakdown because of you, but what do you know?

he holds you, gently tracing hearts on your back as he lets you cry your fears out. felix’s lips press against your softly, just for a second, before he pulls you in again. he draws your face into his shoulder, gently talking you through it. when he finally draws back, once your cries have stifled, he begins searching around.

“where’s bbokari...?” he mumbles. when he and chris are away, the plushies they gave you take their place (... alongside the others, sometimes, but you don’t tell them about that since you’ll never live it down). he moves, patting around until he hears chris come back. “hey,” he calls out, voice raspy with sleep, “do you see bbokari?”

chris stops for a moment with a “hm?” but looks over to your dresser where the group was last assembled. he reaches for the little chick, tossing him over to felix. he returns to bed soon enough after felix moves out of the way, gently guiding you back to the middle of the bed by the arm. he’s pushed bbokari into your arms, and already snuggled in next to you as chris pulls the blankets back over you all.

“it’s okay,” chris presses a kiss against your shoulder. “it’s gone. i took it outside. we’ll protect you, baby.” there’s a teasing lift to his voice, but you know he genuinely means it.

“mmhm,” felix sounds, planting a soft kiss against your lips. “we’ve got you,” he promises. “alright?”

you snuggle in, both of your boyfriends cuddling in to keep you as safe as they can. it takes you a while to get back to sleep... but it helps to have your silly saviors nearby, always happy to catch and release the spiders and soothe you with as many kisses as it takes.

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aha-chuu · 1 year

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So many Kavetham thoughts

I wanted to discuss Alhaitham and Kaveh’s canonical relationship now that we know all of Kaveh’s character stories and voicelines. I will not be going into event or quest leaks since I have not seen them, so rest assured this is just the information from Kaveh’s profile.

Short summary: Alhaitham is two years Kaveh’s junior, and Kaveh befriended him out of curiosty, since so many people had a low opinion of him. Kaveh himself described Alhaitham as his “best friend” at this time, and when they met it was when Kaveh had just started living on his own for the first time (an arrangement he very much disliked, thinking of home as a “cold and lonely” place). They end up working on a project together along with several other scholars, but all but them gradually drop off as they cannot keep up with Alhaitham and Kaveh’s overwhelming intellect.

Kaveh attempts to help his peers, stretching himself very thin and burning out as he takes up their workload so that they do not fall behind. It actually reminds me of Alhaitham’s story quest, where the scholar doing all the work behind the scenes is unappreciated and eventually hits a breaking point, taking his own life. Before Kaveh can get to such a point, Alhaitham confronts him:

“ Kaveh maintained that Alhaitham was too much of an egoist, that he could be much better welcomed amongst people if he would just care about helping out more often. Alhaitham for his part pointed out that Kaveh's impractical idealism was just a flight from reality, and that it would come to be a burden on his existence someday, and the source of Kaveh's altruism was naught but his inescapable sense of guilt. “

And this is the beginning of the end. Alhaitham uncovers the reality that Kaveh’s altruism is not born of his selflessness, but instead out of guilt for feeling that he cannot inconvenience others the way he encourages others to inconvenience him. It is a cutting and blunt remark from Alhaitham, one that Kaveh cannot cope with:

“ Kaveh felt cut to the quick by someone who was his best friend. Alhaitham had seen through the reality that he had never been able to face, causing him to feel reality's bite for the first time “

And some people have pointed to this as the reason their relationship fell apart, that Alhaitham’s words were simply too severe and he ignored how they would make Kaveh feel. While it is true that Alhaitham does bluntly hurt Kaveh's feelings here, it took two people to split them apart - Kaveh's response is:

" Kaveh steadfastly declares that he regretted making friends with this all-too-intelligent person. The two parted ways in a single stroke. Alhaitham would remove his name from that thesis, while Kaveh would rip his copy of the thesis apart in a fury — only to put it back together with deep regret. He sensed that he would not be able to change his friend, with the reverse also being true. "

The nail in the coffin wasn't Alhaitham forcing Kaveh to face the reality of his life, but instead that was the catalyst for Kaveh declaring that he regretted his and Alhaitham's friendship. Considering Kaveh is Alhaitham's only friend (or at least, the friend through which he met all his other friends), I can only imagine how that would have felt. And ofc Alhaitham is an exceedingly rational person, but he does have feelings.

I thought that in their current relationship, Alhaitham had let go of most of his anger and Kaveh was the one still caught up in the past. After all, Alhaitham often seems teasing in his jabs, where Kaveh sounds more genuine. While this does still seem true to an extent, Alhaitham's line "where were you when Sumeru needed you most?" feels worse now we know that Kaveh was the one to renounce their friendship. They both were "abandoned" in a sense by all the people closest to them, but while that made Alhaitham reserved and self-reflective it made Kaveh cling on to those around him to avoid looking inward at himself.

And Alhaitham removing his name from the thesis, reflective of a clean break. Kaveh, on the other hand, tears it to shreds - he's spiralling, angry and guilty, but he also can't face the truths that Alhaitham exposed to him. It's important, imo, that Kaveh then repairs the thesis. I take that as an implication that he wants to repair their relationship, he just does not know how to.

This can also be seen in Kaveh’s voiceline ‘About Alhaitham - It’s Complicated’:

“ Alhaitham helped me out a fair amount recently. If we were still as close as we were during our student days, then I'd be thanking him every chance I got. Now, though... I can't seem get a word of appreciation out of my mouth. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction. I guess you could say our relationship is something of a mixed bag these days? Honestly, with everything that's happened, it almost feels like the universe has been playing pranks on us... It's hard to make sense of it all... too much to process for one lifetime. I will say that it's not every day that you get to know someone like him — I just wish he could rein in some of the worst excesses of his personality. Okay, yeah, that's never gonna happen. “

I don’t think I can express how closely this links Alhaitham and Kaveh together. It’s not just old friends with differences of opinion; they quite literally make up parts of one another.

The reference to the ‘universe’ is intriguing - while Kaveh is a romanticist who would use this flowery sort of language, in Genshin fate is a thing that plays a huge role. And his confession that it’s too much for a single life time, on top of the fact that their research project was on King Deshret (of whom Kaveh and Alhaitham share qualities)... I am not saying there is a reincarnation situation, but but Genshin often does use characters to reflect their historical figures.

In Alhaitham’s character stories, it’s revealed he considers Kaveh a mirror:

“ Kaveh is a familiar face, similarly lacks familial attachments, and is the polar opposite of [Alhaitham] as a scholar — that is to say, an excellent mirror “

and now Kaveh seems to agree, as this is from the end of his character story 5:

“ Rationality and sensibility, language and architecture, knowledge and human feelings... Things that can never be integrated are what constitute the two sides of the mirror — indeed, of the entire world. “

I made a whole other post about this after Kaveh’s drip marketing, but there’s even more now. One thing I personally find quite relevant is their attitudes towards other people; where Alhaitham is an extraordinarily self-reflective individual, Kaveh obsesses over the lives of others. He speaks about wish to “rein Alhaitham in” and an important part of his arc through his character stories is recognising that: “the most unshakable part of one's past is a friend that will never change”. Alhaitham, on the other hand, obsesses over looking inward at himself, claiming that that’s the reason he enjoys Kaveh living with him.

Why are they so different in this way? Simply put: Kaveh is afraid of looking inward, of self-reflection because of the guilt he’s held onto for so many years. He’s extroverted and personable, he has no issue constructing the fantasy of his life for other people to see him through. But Alhaitham can look past all of that, like Kaveh says he’s the only one who truly knows Alhaitham, Alhaitham is the only person who really understands Kaveh.

But Alhaitham isn’t perfect - he’s so focused on himself because he can’t handle others. He doesn’t understand; he can’t comprehend why Kaveh acts like he does even they he knows him so well, and talks a big game about how emotions and logic combine to create human intention/action, but Alhaitham himself falls short of ever really getting it. To him it’s all a formula to be followed - he can get to the correct answer, but he doesn’t know what to do with it.

Kaveh writes in his journal about the project he and Alhaitham undertook, and it goes as follows:

“ Page 31: Some academic notes and architectural drawings. Postscript: "Our views are aligned, and they are complete." This line has been struck out. "Our views are contradictory, but it is through contradiction that more speculation and philosophy may be born." This line has been retained. Page 42: The cover of a thesis that has been torn up, then put together again. No postscript. “

Between them, there is this push and pull. They are completely alike but then entirely different. I’m not even talking specifically from a shipping point of view, their relationship is based around the idea that they are two necessary parts of one whole. Unironically, they would make excellent dual grand sages.

I’m really glad that Kaveh’s character stories dove into their complexity while not sacrificing Kaveh’s individuality as a character. In fact, Alhaitham talks about Kaveh way more in his voicelines than vice versa - perhaps a sign that Alhaitham is more at peace with their relationship? Kaveh believes that “Alhaitham never did perform a good deed unconditionally“ but in the archon quest, Alhaitham claims that he “does not keep track of favours”.

I think Alhaitham was hurt by Kaveh moreso than Kaveh was hurt by Alhaitham. After all, for Kaveh the painful part was being forced to reconcile with the reality of his life, it just so happens that Alhaitham was the one to reveal it to him. Meanwhile, Kaveh denounced their entire friendship just because Alhaitham told him the truth - that is a conflict based solely in their relationship.

They need to have an open and honest conversation, but Kaveh refuses to trust Alhaitham and Alhaitham never asks the right questions. It’s a genuinely tragic dynamic that could be rectified, if only either of them could do what they always fail to. If Kaveh could self-reflect on his own issues, he might be able to recognise that he’s partially to blame for their woes. If Alhaitham could truly attempt to comprehend Kaveh’s actions past “irrationality”, then he might get out of his own head long enough to wonder about how Kaveh sees him.

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