#no one can justify what these women went through for just trying to understand the world around them
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#I will never stop being mad about some of the stuff I read#no one can justify what these women went through for just trying to understand the world around them#steminist#physics#science#stem#stemblr#sub-at-omicsteminist#meme#memes#chemistry#biology
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. ive got such a long list of reasons to be bitter and fed up and angry. i have so much pain within me. sometimes i feel like pain, deep, deep, sorrowful pain, mourning, grief, anger, a desperate need to stop feeling suffocated is what i know best. and u know as much as i think all thats justified and as much as i think my anger is important for my sanity , and as much as tbh i like by this point to an extent that my over it little tolerance for bullshit angry kinda agressive vibe is a part of my personality - that my bitterness is earned and aged like fine win. but idk, i have tired to rein it in these last months progressively bc it was consuming me and my nervous system literally couldnt handle it
but. something i still havent figured out how to deal w is my very, very, very bad case of survivors guilt. maybe its gotten a bit better but that makes me feel guilty too. it always does. i try not to let it haunt me but It Always done it haunts me that its somehow not supposed to consume and haunt me
. after everything my own pain and trauma is not what fucks me up the most. its always that its not over for so many others. for so many others its not over, its never over, theyre going through it rn, many worse than anything i ever went through. many that wont make it out alive
.
my best friend says its not my responsibility especially with my crippled health and the little of my fragile sanity to try to do something about it. that spending years trying to do something about sex trafficking or whatever else would break me, eat me up inside, that people who aint traumatized end up killing themselves or alchoholics, shells from what they've seen, so what would it do to me? he says. ive earned my rest, ive earned looking away, ive earned my peace
...
but what does that matter? what it would do to me? he says he doesnt understand why i spend so much time writing and speaking on this shit. at first it was to understand myself. now it is the horror that it is so much more horrible and bad and keeps going, its not me. its others. i always have felt more impacted by seeing others in pain than myself. i never can stand seeing my pain on someone else.
he says he doesnt understand why i look. he says he doesnt understand why i think. he says he doesnt understand why i study. doesnt understand why i want to do something about it when its so horrible
........
but ive been.... lucky. not so but lucky. lucky enouth to live. to get out. to get my "freedom."
but what does "my" individual freedom mean? when others dont have it? what does it matter?....... what does it matter?
it feels like my trauma isnt over through them. its not. im just one person, but for so many its not over. it wont be over. they may never see over until their graves.... time is a flat circle and all
...
and i think, how many? how many? and i think too.... in the history of the balkans, of my people, my women and little girls... how many? for how long?
how many today? everywhere?
how am i supposed to rest easy. how am i supposed to live my life ignoring it
why shouldn't i burn myself out. i already am. why shouldnt i take on the trauma of getting back into it for the sake of others
.
what does my freedom mean without theirs?
.
their screams echo through my head. they were my own once. i have stopped screaming
they have not
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I hate this fucking picture so much you guys have no idea. It completely misses the point of each of these princesses' movies. Ik we've all seen this shitty image before, but I'd still like to deconstruct each of these messages one-by-one:
Let's start with Snow White: "At first it may seem terrible, being so beautiful that other women get jealous enough to try and kill you. But don't worry, once your beauty attracts a man, he'll protect you." Totally fucking wrong. While I do concede that Snow White gets almost killed by the Evil Queen for being more beautiful than her, and how this can send a sexist message about women's motivations and relationships with each other, Snow White was far from relying on a prince to "protect" her. Sure, she sang about wanting her prince to come, but she spent a large portion of the movie living with the seven dwarves and cooking and cleaning with them. She showed a lot of inner strength for a fourteen-year-old girl who was hiding for her life because of a vindictive and jealous queen. She was strong-willed, kind, compassionate, charismatic, and found the beauty and joy in the simple things in life. And once again, she sings about wanting her prince to come, but what's the matter with that? In my mind, this is a sign not of her passive domesticity or sign as a damsel in distress, but a display of her unwavering optimism and bravery, her ability to see the silver lining in a situation and look forward to a more hopeful future, a better tomorrow, is what makes her a strong female character in my eyes.
Next, Cinderella: "If you're beautiful enough, you may be able to escape your terrible living conditions by getting a wealthy man to fall for you." Not at all what fucking happened. Cinderella didn't escape her abusive household just by batting her eyes at the prince. She got out because of the help of her fairy godmother, and because of her strong will and ability to stay pure and kind even with all the horrible stuff that she went through at the hands of her evil stepfamily. Cinderella's movie does NOT teach that a princess' only worth is the ability to look pretty and snag a man. It teaches the importance of kindness and perserverance, and, similar to Snow White, of being optimistic and looking forward to a better life than the one you have, not letting the horrible circumstances you are under get you down. I'm getting really tired of people acting like Cinderella's message is only to be a dutiful housewife and scrub floors until a man saves you from your dreadful existence, when it is quite literally the opposite.
Sleeping Beauty: "Pretty girls don't even need to be alive to get some hot princely action." is such a disturbing way to look at the movie and also such a narrow thing to focus on. While, yes, I can understand being disturbed by her being kissed while she was asleep, true love's kiss is a trope that has been around since the invention of fairytales, it's not meant to justify sexual assault, it's meant to be a show of...well, true love. And while I don't blame anyone for being uncomfortable with it, it is still leagues better than what happened in Sun, Moon, and Talia, the original version of this fairytale. Seriously, go look up what happened there, if you don't know already. Traumatized much? I will admit though that it can be frustrating to not see Aurora do much but snooze throughout her movie, but she still shows way more personality than just being a slumbering damsel in distress; she is shown to be sweet, idealistic, humble, kindhearted, a little bit mischievous, and also somewhat sheltered and mistrusting of strangers. Plus, Enchanted Tales gives her more of a fun-loving, dorky, and silly personality, and sure, a lot of people shit on this portrayal(as seen here), but we should all be glad that they gave Aurora more of a personality than just being the perfect, swan-like, graceful princess that she was often seen as prior. I mean, it makes more sense that she would act like this, as she's not quite used to being a princess yet.
Belle: "Appearances don't matter, what counts is what's in your heart. Unless you're the girl." Oh really? Then clearly we weren't watching the same movie. Belle has never been reduced to just her appearance. She has been shown from the onset to be a smart, independent, bookish, dreamy, and adventurous young woman. While it's true that the other townspeople say she is the most beautiful girl in their village, they also spend a lot of time gossiping about how weird and strange she is for liking to read, which was seen as rather unbecoming of a woman in that time period. The only one who objectifies her and reduces her to just a pretty face is Gaston. He only "loves" Belle and wants to marry her because she is the most beautiful girl in town, and the only one "as beautiful as him". He's beautiful, she's beautiful, therefore they are a match, and for no other reason. Belle was never reduced to just her appearance, and in fact it was quite the opposite, with Belle's kind and compassionate heart being what wins over the Beast and breaks the spell. Or are you just mad that she wasn't the one who became a big, ugly beast? Which, btw, is also ignoring the point and themes of the movie?
Ariel(holy shit this is my LEAST favorite one): "It's okay to abandon your family, drastically change your body, and give up your strongest trait in order to get your man. Once he sees your pretty face, only a witch's spell could draw his eyes away from you." I am so sick of saying and repeating this, but Ariel did not give up her voice and seek humanity only to chase a man. I AM SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE CONTINUOUSLY PARROTING THIS LIE!!!! Ariel has always been shown to have a keen interest in human life and becoming a human herself even before she met Eric. Or did we all just sleep on "Part of Your World"? Hmmmm??? And furthermore, Ariel did not get Eric just by having a pretty face. Sure, she didn't have a voice, but they became lovers because of their similar tastes, Ariel's thirst for adventure, her dorky and curious personality, and ability to be friends with everyone she meets. She was not just a boy-crazy ditz who only cared about snagging a bite of that man-candy, and I am going to start biting and maiming the next person who dares slander my girl Ariel with this fabrication of an event that didn't actually happen.
And finally, Jasmine: "As a woman, your political worth is reduced to your marriageability." I...I just...*sigh* You really didn't pay much attention to the movie itself, did you? Jasmine's entire plot was that she didn't want to be reduced to a bargaining chip, with no power or worth of her own other than being the wife of a Sultan. She wanted to marry for love, to be more than just a prize to be won. And in the end, she gets that through marriage with a man whom she actually loves, Aladdin. She is not reduced to her marriageability, because in the end, she actually gets a CHOICE on who she marries. She gets some free will and is able to make her own decisions. She becomes more than a prize to be won, and only gets with a man because she wants to, not because it's been decided for her. She gets her happy ending because she FIGHTS for it, not because it's all she's worth. For Pete's sake.
Another thing about these shitty complaints that they ALL have in common is that they reduce all of the princesses down to their physical attributes. As if the movie is sending the message that your beauty is all that matters when you're a Disney Princess. Which is NOT FUCKING TRUE. While, yes, all of these princesses are beautiful, and their beauty is a large part of their character, it is not the only part of their character, it is not even the biggest part of their character, and none of these women are reduced to being just pretty objects for a man to win. They all have personalities and goals and messages to send that are about more than their appearances, or that even critique the idea that their beauty and status as princesses are all there is to them. They are not just bubbleheaded bimbos who wait around for man all day and look cute. They are SO MUCH MORE than that, and quite frankly, the fact that you are cherrypicking details from the movies to show that their looks are all that matter in their storylines shows that, in truth, YOU are the one boiling these women down to nothing but being beautiful. Not the movie. But YOU. YOU are to blame. I won't say that these movies are above criticism, but also have some self-awareness and critical thinking skills, and quit projecting your own misogyny onto these Disney Princesses, who are all remarkable heroines/characters in their own right.
I can't stand it when people slander the Disney Princesses in such shallow and misogynistic ways, and will defend them until the end of time.
#disney princess#misogyny#sexism#snow white#sleeping beauty#the little mermaid#cinderella#aladdin#my post
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Actually, I'll take a moment to describe what my image of Gage is, as someone who has never played Nuka World and can't (poor), and hasn't dug through all of his in-game lines (time consuming)
My 'fix' of Gage was exclusive nuka-world (I think that was their user) and another tumblr user who posted Gage specific reacts. Nuka-world was the Preston stan who had Tracy, pretty popular artist. You've definitely seens remnants of their work, but they deleted i believe. They portrayed Gage as, like, a weird, lemme teach you crime kind of uncle/older brother who liked lizards and simple mischievous pleasures.
The other tumblr who I do not remember the name of portrayed him as this...very nuanced individual, full of contradictions that he justified to himself? So, that Gage was closer to Canon Gage, from what I can tell, but he was written to very clearly not belong with raiders.
That Gage had good people in his life, growing up, that taught him strict morals; some of which he kept. He held doors open for women, he hated raiders as much as he thought that way of life was the only viable one, he was loyal to those who earned his respect and trust. He wasn't a good guy, but he could have been. If you scraped off the raider shit, underneath that jaded exterior was just a normal guy.
So, my interpretation of Gage is a somewhat weird, off-kilter, but no-bullshit man who didn't want to be doing what he was doing deep down, but was never shown a different way to survive, and even if it meant being the problem, he refused to sit and let himself be a victim. If he had a choice between problem, victim, and solution, he'd have picked solution. But he never saw that choice. And maybe if there was a choice like that, presented to him now, and that choice had some real spine to it, he very well would still choose different.
Now, that's almost certainly OOC. But that was still a character I liked; it reminds me of many people I know IRL. Not people I'd call good, because they've made questionable decisions and have odd views of the world. But they aren't bad either, because they have heart and try to do their best with what they have, which is little. This version of Gage isn't a good person, or a bad one. He's just a person.
More specifically, the way I always described him, mentally, is that he's "a wolf trying to become a sheep so the sheep stop headbutting him."
So, my Gage doesn't care for any raider shit. He's concerned about hygiene, he has tastes for the finer things in life that you can't brute force, he wants to do his own thing and be left alone, and doesn't necessarily want to bother anyone else. My Gage thinks economics are important, understands politics, supply and demand, the benefits of raider life VS the life of peaceful communities working together. He just sees that the raider way comes on top.
The way it would play out in my Sole's story, if she ever went to Nuka World, is she'd fuck with him, and force him to make that choice again.
Isadora would go in, kill Colter, talk to Gage, and realize: Oh. This guy doesn't belong here. This guy doesn't want to be here at all, really. He wants something this life cannot provide and couldn't sustain, because it opposes it on a fundamental level. But my Minutemen and my cities, they could. But he won't come willingly.
So she kills Colter, and tells Gage: I am going to come back with my army, and do whatever I have to do to save the people you are oppressing. I have the ability to do this as a weekend vacation; my men outnumber yours 20 to 1, and they don't share my compassion and understanding for your kind. But I can see that you are not like 'your kind.' I will give you the chance to unite and prepare for a siege, or to leave Nuka World and come back with me, as one of my personal unit.
And Isadora walks while Gage laughs her out of the room. He hates that he's left as Overboss, now, but that's his only worry. Farmers with guns? Pfft.
Then he starts hearing talk of the Minutemen, the first bit being "one of our guys spied on one of their bases and they have a lot of sentry bots."
"...how many?"
"He cant count past ten, since that's all the fingers he has."
Because Isadora is a robots expert. She makes robots. She did this for a living before the bombs. 1 sentry bot? Bad. 2? Fucking bad. Three? Nope, you're dead. 4? 5? 10? More? Overboss Gage is worried about the bots, but they can outsmart them, use mines, maybe get an EMP thing going...the farmers will drop like flies then.
"Farmers? No, we're hearing its a military."
"Pfft, a military."
"They have trucks and shit. Tanks. Vertibirds."
"...w-well, those sure do explode nicely...which they will..."
"They're all wearing combat armor and are armed with guns that make our pipe shit look like kids toys"
"...fine. We'll partner with local raiders and take them out as one unified force"
"They killed all local raiders. There are no raiders over there."
"Fucking what."
"There isn't even merc groups anymore because the Minutemen deal with everything"
"Fuck sake. Okay. Well their economy and whatever has to be shit"
"They have no poor people, no rich, no one goes hungry, everyone is clothed, and has access to Healthcare and education. They're having a lot of kids and people get old there. Some people are writing books and music and stuff. Making art again."
It takes maybe a few people reporting back with info before Gage realizes who has plot armor and who doesn't. And Gage, as much as he hates everything that is happening, wants to be an essential NPC. He gets the gangs together, tells them they're fucked if they don't do this right, and they kinda just blow raspberries at him.
Gage is at the Castle doorstep cussing out Isadora's name within a week, and he's the newest adopted adult within a few days.
He fucking hates Isadora and she just kinda treats him like an aggressive purse dog. "Oh, don't mind Gage, he doesn't bite!" (GAGE SNARLING AND FOAMING AT THE MOUTH IN THE BACKGROUND)
"Isa. Is that a fucking raider"
"yeah I found him on the front door I think someone left him :( and it's so cold lately and he looked hungry" (GAGE PISSING ON A MINUTEMAN FLAG AND MAKING BARF NOISES)
"isadora that is a grown man who is a fucking raider"
#meanwhile danse in the background; haha okay honey i guess we can take him in#(hates this but thats his wife. whats he gonna do? not support her???)#meanwhile preston; already throwing hands
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This is a post I don't really feel good about writing, but at the same time, it's something I feel like I keep wanting to vent about and that I don't really...have enough places to vent about. I have my therapist, but I feel like even then, I can't unload it all on her bc I feel like I never have enough time even if it comes up here and there. Unloading it on other people who aren't her typically leads to them going on the defensive about the things I want to talk about, even when I try to be gentle or more objective in discussing it. I feel like here is one of the places I usually feel okay talking (even though I know that's probably stupid in some ways), but idk. It's comfortable because it's familiar and bc my words aren’t being directed at any one person. Sorry this is really long, btw.
I feel like I've talked about sexuality so much the past year or so, and I feel like I've taken so long, like...longer than a lot of people...to fully unravel things about myself. My teens were reserved for me barely scratching the surface of anything bc I was petrified of it and had zero exposure to anything that would have helped me in any way. My twenties were like, the first stage of my actual exploration and unfurling, where I was like...wait...this is a viable option? Other people are like this...I'm meeting people who understand. Does that mean I could let myself have that option too? But I still went on like no...no. I'm basically meant to live someone else's life and not seek out any further answers. The past five years I did seek out more answers and really did a lot of work, and that's like...still quite a long time to sort through some of this (or at least, it feels that way).
All of that is just history now though, so it’s not actually what I want to discuss. The thing that I don't feel good about is how my emotions have felt wrt everything currently. I've started to feel like such a bitter person for it, but I don't know if, in some way, the things I feel are justified after years of trying to understand my relationship to the world at large and how my sexuality relates to it. I want to believe that they are and that I'm just at a stage where I can experience these emotions fully in ways I haven’t before and that eventually they'll start to mellow out.
For instance, the past couple of years I've started to become somewhat like…irrationally irritated when it comes to hearing about boyfriends/husbands/etc of my friends who are cis women. Sometimes in general, but mostly when it's in the context of someone complaining about their partner in a day-to-day sort of way. The normalization of that in a heteronormative society has started to become something I just…really dislike hearing about. After going through my own “straight-passing” relationships (idk if this term is ok to use and I’ll change it if not), I almost feel like I just don't have the time or care for it anymore, even when I want to be supportive. Also, it’s hard for me to not apply my own experiences and biases, and a part of me always ends up wanting to be like. If you aren't happy, please try and do something to fix it. Converse with your partner about it. Leave if it's bad enough that you can't deal with it anymore. Get a therapist for yourself or both of you to work things out. Idk. It feels unfair for me to be like that when family or friends want to vent, but I also find it so hard to deal with now or like, it sends my brain to the boomer comic “I hate my wife but I’m just going to complain and not doing anything to change it” realm (and I understand that a lot of times, it is the partner who has little interest in changing things even when the other person is trying, which is even more frustrating to some extent).
The other thing I feel guilty about is this disdain I've developed of hearing about cis male celebrities/characters/crushes in more heterosexual regards (I want to specify that this doesn’t mean I actively dislike the celebs or characters or anything like that, not usually anyway. There are a ton of male chars I enjoy and everything, and tbh idc that much about celebrities in general). I feel like for the past few years I've been going through a period where I'm so tired of being exposed to it though (even with my own chars being sexualized by other ppl tbh) and all I want to do is to engage in media/culture that somehow dismantles anything cisheteronormative or that focuses on couples that aren’t cis/straight (I’ve esp sought out so much more wlw-adjacent media in recent years bc I’ve found myself connecting to it in a way that’s like…holy shit I want to make up for years of things I didn’t have access to or didn’t know existed).
Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like talking about that more often leads to a level of anger or annoyance on the part of people who don't feel that way, even though there is so much less media and discussion about those things in general. A lot of this is more relevant to irl straight friends I have and stuff, where it's fine for them to talk about all of the things they like when it relates to men or romance centered around men, but I don't necessarily have the same ability/level of acceptance from them to discuss media focused on anything else wrt romance/sexuality. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of queer friends and whatnot, but most of them live elsewhere now (I also live elsewhere from many of them) and in general, the majority of people I'm exposed to in regular life are usually straight bc statistically that's just how it is and everything. It frustrates me though how it feels so acceptable for them to talk about whatever male celebrity/char or straight romance thing is popular, but I just kind of have to stand there and nod while wishing I could talk about the stuff I like too when it comes to like, wlw/lesbian media or whatever. That sounds selfish, but I feel like it reflects society’s general view on anything queer, and I think that’s why it gets to me more. Like maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much if that wasn’t the default/if I could speak about things as freely too. I know a lot of people feel that way, I don’t mean to make that or any of this post sound like some experience that is unique to me.
Anyway. I'm sorry if this vent comes off as weird or abrasive at all. It's really, really not my intention, nor is it directed at any one person or relationship and is more just a reflection on how my emotions are now when I think about cisheternormative society and that kind of thing. In the past I was able to kind of...blind myself to a lot of it, I think, or at least be more jokey about it in the times when it did annoy me. And after the years of working to distance myself from it, these aspects of it have started to seem really pervasive, even more so than I felt they were before. Like I said, I don't feel good about feeling these things and I don't want to always feel them. I hope I can work through them and get to a place where they don't bother me, or at least, not as much as now. I truly think it's a situation of like…breaking free of my own binds/feeling this freedom now and seeing things in a different light than I was able to before when I had the blinders on, and maybe once I settle into myself more, I’ll be able to shake those emotions off or find better ways to cope with them. I feel like a lot of this is stuff that’s always existed and always will, and the ways in which society operates are very hard to change, but I can kind of adapt the way I see and experience things so that they’re healthier for me. I’m just. Still in the early stages of doing that, and maybe it will take a little time to understand how to make it more productive/easier for myself. I didn’t get to this place overnight, and I’m sure I have a lot more to learn on this particular journey.
#by bug#sexuality#this is a long vent so im sorry about that if you read it#idk I don’t want this to feel personal to anyone bc it truly isn’t#it’s more just me reflecting in a space I feel ok doing that#and I promise it’s primarily about society and sexuality as a whole instead of people as individuals#even though I mention irl friendships I don’t want these things to reflect negatively on them#they just like what they like and that’s okay#this is more just me trying to gauge where I’m at with my emotions and somehow writing them out makes that easier#it’s also. im not happy with myself for experiencing these emotions but I want to change how I react to them when having them
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you don’t even remember it, lol. how fucking shameful. you know how terrifying that experience is, having secret pictures of yourself get weaponized and publicized to call you out harder? do you know how mortifying, disgusting and invasive it feels having nudes attached for “evidence” to link blogs together, out of your hands and on the open web now? the person im talking about wasn’t guilty of anything more than calling their partner a title in bed that could be bad-faith-read into supporting incest, (of course, she didn’t support or excuse real abuse, not that it mattered to the calloutmonger who painted every other sexual post of hers with malice and predation) and you went right along and nodded your head at it like a good little duck following in a row. i remember you doubling down again and again, that this wasn’t okay and you were blocking people who tried to say that the mob spreading of her nudes couldn’t be justified. no one deserved to be cyberstalked through personal tiny blogs and made into a bloody spectacle, but for some reason this is always allowed to happen to trans women.
do you have any fucking idea how it feels? can you even imagine it? seeing people you thought were your friends, your friends friends, acquaintances, strangers; all of them hear the call that this one is one of the bad ones, and drop you like a stone without even a chance to speak out? you know what that does to trans women, who get constantly excluded and alienated out of irl lgbt shit and wind up online? you know how that feels? getting immediately thrown away and made into ammo for a dumbfuck culture war by people you thought gave even a tiny shit about you, who now call you an incestous danger to minors just like the alt right fucks do? and now, now you have the gall to turn around and try to act like you’re in any way above this when just a couple years ago you were baying for blood like the rest of them? you don’t have a single leg to stand on because you’re too afraid of looking bad to even consider you might’ve done wrong, to even extend the smallest piece of understanding towards women YOU helped get sexually harassed off the site. of course. everyone has bias but you, right? everyone has things to work on except when they’re big mistakes that would require actually doing some work challenging yourself. i dont want shit from you. i just want you to know that there are trans women who see right fucking through you. we can’t forget how we’ve been hurt, even if you get that privilege.
I've been giving you the benefit of the doubt so far but I hope you can see that it's absurd to accuse me of spreading revenge porn and get mad at me when I "don't even remember" but you won't give me any specifics about this situation you're talking about. If what you're accusing me of is true, how am I supposed to be held accountable and actually change myself for the better if you won't even tell me who or what you're talking about?
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i dont understand how conservative desire for single sex spaces differs from feminist reason. i understand that conservatives typically think of trans people as gay plus, sure, but like. in the actual desire for single sex spaces, what difference does it make
the difference it makes is in the bills they push through and the lack of care or provision for the fallout of those bills. if conservatives were pushing through a bill that said all use of mens/womens bathrooms, shelters, changing rooms, etc should be decided on birth sex alone - what are they putting in place to enable that? birth sex is not something stated on legal documents, bc legal sex can be changed. so how does one prove their sex? what happens to transmen who pass as male? i don't think most women are going to be happy with them coming into female spaces. how do they prove that that's actually where they're legally required to be? and what DOES happen to transwomen who pass as female and are forced to use male spaces? that IS dangerous for them and i understand its not the job of feminism to care about that issue but i personally do. and people can say "well this issue doesn't affect passing trans people bc no-one will ever know" but that only works if the person is completely stealth, which not every passing trans person is. and hell, what about passing butches?? how do THEY prove they're women if we know ID doesnt always reflect birth sex? all these people are just collateral damage to conservatives and i'm not okay w that.
ok. i will level with u. thats me making smthn up on the fly to justify my position. it didnt go very well at first so i gave up, but then i thought on it some more nd went back to it and i think that response does stand on its own now. at first i kind of thought "well, i guess this is the one issue we DO pretty much agree on" but the way conservatives do things is still always going to leave a lot of people caught in the middle and they definitely don't care enough to make sure those people are considered in their lawmaking.
however. u know the real answer? like the instinctive gut answer? because i dont fucking trust them. i dont fucking trust them and i dont trust them bc ive seen OTHER shit theyve pulled in this vein. like the anti-transition bills that have given no consideration to people who are ALREADY transitioning and would suddenly cut off their hrt or blockers if they don't meet the new requirements; like the bill against gender non-conformity in public spaces sold to the public as being about protecting children from predators within drag communities; like the combination of the attempt to reclassify authorising a child to transition as a sexual abuse with the introduction of the death penalty for sexual abuse. i do not fucking trust them and i know they do not have womens or childrens interests at heart i know this all just comes from them finding transgenderism degenerate and i do not think any good can come from supporting them bc they are always trying to slip smthn in under the radar they are always presenting laws to the public as one thing but wording them just right so that they actually have a whole different effect than people expected.
also, as a sort-of sidenote: given that regular ass people don't actually vote on laws, just elect people to do that, what would supporting their bills actually mean? voting for conservatives who will pass anti-gay anti-trans anti-woman pro-gender laws in the hope that they also throw a "oh and womens spaces for women only" in there? promoting the politicians who proposed the bills? i guess there's contacting state representatives and asking them to vote yes or no on a specific bill, but i get the impression most people don't really do that and more just make a public show of support for such-and-such a bill, which also promotes the party and the politician.
#btw their actual REASONING for wanting single-sex spaces is because they want to protect women as private property#any conservative interest in protecting women and children sooner or later comes down to that.#its not about empathy its about keeping their property undamaged for whatever man they belong to.#ask#anonymous#oh my god i have got 2 stop answering asks when im like. on a train with nothing to do. it just gets longer and longer and longer.#this was like one paragraph when i first thought abt posting it.
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One thing that I hate is when people justify and defend Nesta’s and Elain’s actions in the hovel by calling them kids. They were kids when they first lost their wealth. They lost everything basically. They lost their home, their mother, and their father might as well have passed away too with all the help and support he gave them.
I’m not trying to take away from what they went through as children. But they weren’t children in the beginning of the ACOTAR series. Feyre, being the youngest, was nineteen. Nesta and Elain were in the twenties - no longer children. They were adults, and still, they chose not to help Feyre. And it wasn’t because they couldn’t help Feyre (despite what Elain claimed in ACOMAF), it’s because they knew that Feyre would do everything to keep them alive. Elain and Nesta are smart and capable women - they could’ve done more. Nesta knew how to use a bow and arrow, thanks to Feyre. Elain knew how to garden.
But truthfully it isn’t even about them doing little to nothing. And I could’ve forgiven them for living off their youngest sister if they just been a tiniest bit grateful. They abused Feyre for years while taking her money. They never even apologized.
And unpopular opinion, if Nesta and Elain were actually children at the start of the series like they’re stans love to claim, I could’ve forgiven them for everything. Children can be selfish, mean, and awful - but at the end of the day, they’re children. They’re still learning how to be functional members of society. Like if Nesta was thirteen at the start of the series, I would’ve shrugged off her comments as mean, childish things typical for a traumatized kid to say. Even if they were eighteen, I could’ve forgiven them as most eighteen year olds, traumatized or not, are pretty self-absorbed. But by the time you reach twenty-one, it’s time to grow up.
Nesta and Elain were in their twenties at the start of the series. They were in their twenties and acting like bullies. And I do truly understand that they were traumatized. They didn’t have a good childhood. But it still doesn’t give them, as twenty year old adults, the right to treat Feyre like garbage.
!!!
This was literally me to those girls throughout Acotar and in Nesta’s case throughout the entire series.
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What to drink now?
It was last year when I first got the LOOK. I met up with a group of women whom for one reason or another were in town or nearby and we're going to get together.
I arrived a mere 10 minutes late to the table where the four other ladies were sitting when the waitress arrived and asked me what I would like to drink.
Granted, I barely had finished saying hello to the group when however absent mindedly I answered the waitress with "Oh, Rum and Coke please" The waitress smiled and said great.
As I took my seat at number 6 chair at the table I got THE LOOK. Was it matronly- no, shame- possible, or straight judgement - yes. What I had either forgotten or just didn't have the common sense to remember but four of the ladies were non alcoholics or recovering.
Honestly, it didn't register until all the drinks were brought and I figured out what the look was for. Mind you, no one outright said anything until our meals arrived but, yikes people I forgot or again just wasn't paying attention. Which really is the truth. I didn't order a dozen or so I just ordered one and sipped it through the night.
Yet, it was mid bite that I got my downgrade
"Well, we can't invite Patricia if she is going to be drinking alcohol" I tried my best to smile and try not to throw it in their face that it was them who would arrange weekends tasting wine and day drinking. I simply took it. Not wanting to get into an argument, but that is the thing...the holy than thou attitude continued
In response to my lagging workouts " Drinking wine will not help your waistline" I tried to nod in agreement without pounding on the table about how the speaker would go to a barre class then over to a wine bar nearby.
I just paid the bill for the table answering " Well, If I am going to be a martyr I might as well foot the bill for your meals" It was enough to get them to shut up and one venmo'd me some funds to cover their meal but, most felt justified which is sad.
I just left the table and went home. A week later I got an text, " Are you okay?" from my biggest bully and I simply stated "I appreciate your question, you take care ! " I admit I understand why people stop drinking. I know several people whom have stopped drinking and gone into programs.
Here is the thing, my rule of thumb is to simply do Arnold Palmers or Ice Tea when in public unless its all good to enjoy an alcoholic drink. My weakness is when someone else is paying and its really good wine or its an event.
But here is the thing you gotta know that the event or the party is non alcoholic beforehand. Equally, because I know the struggle is real from Trivia Nights at Wine Bars to Octoberfest socialization sometimes is a trigger for alcoholic indulgence but it doesn't have to be that way.
I enjoy going to the Exploratorium or Museums completely enjoying the experience sans alcohol yet, there appears to be alcohol EVERWHERE whether its advertising or some actor you follow. Suddenly, there it is like a gremlin or gravity tripping you up and you have to be an adult and reinforce the no alcohol.
I was volunteering and the subject came up and I didn't notice one of the ladies that was at the dinner was there too ( literally I am just not seeking these people out ). I related my tale and explained that I didn't know and in a group of strangers the debate continued. When I mentioned paying for the meals the other volunteers were shocked and said it was too much all the way around. The bullying and the osteraziation.
Afterward, I got a text from one of the woman who said "You really shouldn't have paid, but you also should have sent your drink back and not had alcohol "
I honestly did not know what to type back for the longest time and decided " Your meal was $32.58 would you can venmo me otherwise Take Care of yourself"
I have not heard a peep since. While losing a social group that I will inevitably see later this year is disheartening I don't think bullying is the answer. Simply take a piece of advice, start with water and go from there.
good luck because everyone is judging you.
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The man in the little blue truck that looked like a small suv but was a truck instead wanted to know if I wanted to smoke a glass bowl so I just said and put my hands up to show I wasn't armed so it didnt shoot me....
I had complained to David a large college is around and so populations are despicably poor at poverty like they can't understand Reaganomics.....uhm usually homelessness has people who care if I have been given private space as it's a mental health law on occasion if it's a large college none of it cares if it pushes itself into what it dismissed as not obligatory for it
Ya know sort of like the pool it never cared if it's housing mandates damaged me personally and so can go to the pool though wealth districts had lots of stuff going on....
Ya know when people would view a wall between me and the pool goers as a system of required formalities and courtesies between one another.....
I at least will just wait to not be decentered from civilization anymore the lifeguards find their miserable rich me....poor you and don't care attitude so repulsively violent they put them in chlorine behind barbed wire....so I think I might just cut the barbed wire off so semi trucks don't try to drive into the pool ...
They apparently feel they have insanity pleas aerosol science is interesting but they really really modeled an aerosol at themselves that's not normal to not dilute in water....
I walked all through Texas and read this short story about a man at a liminal point and so when there was nothing else to think about or do or care about he just went somewhere swimming the whole way because that french people just vacated....and no one was around to care...
And retail clerks find the behaviour of constant savings and always flowing in money to others constant out flow and destitution so repulsive they put their mind on slow studied liquor only jail states of hallucination....I don't know if I get mad at a bartender I can at least pity that someone has the worst ever and clean their house because of evidence of homicidal ideation
It's housing how can ya not want a system of slow bankruptcy it lets ya out of its life to a new system of fantasy voluntarily
David talked about a job so I said you could drive the bus and I worked at a resort in Alaska with an ecology like this and there isn't enough people to fish and stuff.....
Then the park and ride could be out by highway 70 and the whole sudderth area could be bus in only....and service could then justify it's retail theft as the land in the hills though old and bitter is good land though it's bitter earth though...
David asked if Alaska was fun....I said it depends on your personality type....I think it use to be a spiritual resort.....because I spent most time alone up there and it helped me to get rid of my unwanted habits I use to smoke tobacco cigarettes and the urge just left me there.....it was mostly campy when I was there....devilish sexed and kind of wrong so maybe some people had a lot of fun
Just wrong oh ya know when people use the religious gender characteristics of others as justification to lord and gender privilege over others...ya know and political types show up and it feels like Schindler's list sometimes....who played the lady that had to serve the concentration warden...
And your not sure why scorpions and their desires for crude utilitarian of necessity friends are around you till said politician threatens to accuse you of putting an allergy in his kids food and then you realize why you have such uninhibited people sometimes
Scorpio I don't know the scorpions were largely women and I suspect despite sex scandal they ended up loving partners and spouses for knowing to care about Capricorn virgo and taurean types that are difficult people to know....and ya know casually cause sex scandal when others might network negotiate and contract more before doing...
Subversive space instead of transubstantiation....I am a Libra so all my war like kind of violent friends I do kind of care about because it's a human being
Subversive I suppose because Eva was the one who maybe had asylum exposure priorly and could get through it when other bipolar types just decide everyone's a bitch
Suck my dick
You.......are a bitch
Otherwise she can really cut up salmon and the blood everywhere and piles of heads.....and yogic dancing with joints free of occidental fears twisting and thrusting and bending..........
And the anxiety of all this subversion touching one contaminating one all the anxiety without angst touching touching so near to touch......that the space of clear air and nothing but white pollen in the air with no one around after a shower was so focused benefitting that I didn't find anything else real....
Only discovered in the 90s...
Environmentally inexpensive....a topical lotion application with surprising correct advantageous properties...
Surfactant...
Nothing completely natural nothing to easily synthesized and distributed fossils oil age the progressive idea that hypo tension encouraged instead of avoided helps that was better yes better now see she is better
Exquisite view point
I was drunk a lot
Drunk drunk drunk I remember now what about drunk again the visual space....not really to feel better about myself more that I enjoy disembodied
I was really skinny I think though that was bad...
Everyday plans of being a pork junkie is only allowed if one was wealthy enough to be obese
Eros and psyche...if really drunk and one night Standish don't look at him though
He wasn't all that bad of a man I wasn't in any compelling way physically injured but the psychology of it later made me really angry
And when I confronted him about this shadow around me I'm not sure about that had me abandoned very definitively when I found it a heated argument ......must learn to prefer people not all that shocked by personality changes and head injuries from tech community
Bitch the English conscription to the Americas and their proud stance with dog
Personality change...the shells can go to Scotland envy of the male type of astrological sign my whole life could have been so much more pleasurable....exquisite view poor sleeping diagnosed
Just an argument lesson one in emotive nothing was way more serious
Daniel because it's heretical if dreaming it's heretical to do and I think they did like each other for it....
Disjointed yelled at for concern.....mountain of man if crying didn't cry anymore
It's okay I can buy my tears now and rate my experience alone doing nothing refusing to get a pedicure
Because it's a space of being closer to the French who were nicer then the states...so neat such a neat environmental ideal so beautifully not disturbed.....
Reject heresy cry again care about who wrote ones bible and if atheists realize that Christians question the existence of God all the time how can one pastoralize with nothing new to say
Alone free from other women's potential touch touch touch prone to infection areas all the touching touch all this belief in touch as more relevant then it is
That house was built with slaves hair refuse to get a hair cut cut one's own hair wait the passive resistence wait more released more released more open doors
Drink alone finally alone....alone no one trying to get into ones shower
The Libra male is especially prone to women who will kill you if he is there's....so few men that can tolerate the narcissism of a Hug
Aries so harmless so ready to confess if he knew of people's progressive tendencies to let people accomplish desire he for war just makes people think too much and feel guilty about things that no one finds incriminating
Did you do this apathy and doldrums
Passionless insipid without opinion or anything to say
No relevance to the people one is around
He only came around me because they left...I didn't know before men wanted or could tolerate the constant company of woman....
Ya know when your male friends leave and you think they prefer other women and you find out it's just to spend time with other men and life is normal again not a series of potential betrayals and what would happen does
Animals startle one if he is around if gone animals are just animals
I don't know when someone goes around in a knitted wallflower cap all the time one doesn't expect them of being the real animal of the party.....California rugged necessary actually has really beautifully kept hair as silky as a cat...I want to touch your head
Campy......
Skinny drunk...I'm actually kind of good about cooking stuff....of course I would do all this for you be a simple skinny chef without measuring the curtains yes I would do this tremendous sacrifice for you yes
Just enough tattoo to think about it just enough stretched ear lobes and vein joint cruelty to think about it....I'm getting better about cooking better better more thoughtful
Burn things on side walk...
Don't touch me touch yourself you want that...
The boss only gets a beautifully strong wife that can help with money
Everybody else has to tolerate sex icons...
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7 Stages of Emotional Affairs + Additional TIPS
Welcome back to LOLAandOLA.com. Let’s talk about the 7 stages of an emotional affair; a sequel to “5 signs of an emotional affair”.
--> READ THE BLOG POST HERE
https://lolaandola.com/stages-of-emotional-affairs/
--> WATCH VIDEO VERSION HERE
https://youtu.be/HmScpwrCVf8
Be sure to watch that video too.
As usual, we are answering your question. Feel free to continue leaving them in the comment area or send an email to [email protected]
Let’s check out this story.
“So my wife seems to be having an emotional affair with her boss.
She locked me out of her home computer a few months back (it was shared).
Just before that I noticed she'd been trying to find a way to stop her phone messages being saved in the cloud.
When I did see some of her messages she's been texting with him all times of day and at weekends.
When she went away on a trip a couple of times, he was getting pictures and texts etc. I got nothing.
He talks back with her a lot.
She's deleted a lot of the texts (presumably the worst ones??).
Some of the texts seem to be suggestive but I can't see if they lead anywhere but I don't think anything physical has happened.
It's more flirting.”
Sorry about this trauma. It’s going to take a lot of work to get out of this funk. And I am sorry you have to go through this.
Maybe understanding the stages of emotional affairs can help you put things in better perspective so you can move forward in the most effective way.
Let’s get into it.
Stage 1
Void
In order for another person to occupy the space of intimacy in a relationship, there must be some type of void.
This is not to blame or assign fault away from the transgressor to the other partner but to highlight the fact that it is what it is.
If you caught your partner in this type of bad behavior, always remember it’s not your fault but that’s not equivalent to not assuming responsibility in the overall status of your relationship.
Stage 2
Friendship
You’ve always had friends anyway. For women, they often need to feel safe and secure.
So the closest person to that when there is a void they want to fill in their present relationship or marriage are ex’s.
Ladies. Be careful with keeping friendships with your exes. It might seem innocent because after all there are stages.
You probably already know that everything feels wrong but right at the same time with this inappropriate relationship.
If you are not careful, you will eventually find yourself justifying it. Don’t wait for it because again, friendship is a seemingly innocent stage of emotional affairs.
Stage 3
Sharing
In this stage, the transgressor is getting comfortable and starting to share intimate details with the loser on the side.
Why are they losers? It’s just the reality because you are clearly not 100% emotionally available but yet, they are hoping to build something serious usually.
There is a void as I stated in stage one but it is not the same thing as being emotionally available which is a requirement for a healthy relationship.
Not only was that lady sharing details, when she went away on a trip a couple of times, the loser was getting pictures and texts while the husband got nothing.
At this point, the marriage is in the danger zone.
Stage 4
Secrecy
What happens next? The transgressor is leaving exhibits and digital footprints on SMS, text messages and WhatsApp right?
These are now secrets which in this context can be described somewhat as lies. They have to tell more lies and create more secrets to cover up.
But there is a problem.
No matter how much they try to delete messages, it gets worse because even though… remember that story…
“She's deleted a lot of the worst texts ,the remaining seem to be suggestive.”
Yes he couldn’t see if they led anywhere or think anything physical had happened. But the mind doesn’t know that.
Stage 5
Fantasy
Up till this stage, nothing has necessarily happened physically. But the natural order of things is for the mind to engage images of going all the way through.
At this stage, the transgressor is starting to fantasize not just about physical intimacy but also about what life could be like with the side person.
The mind won’t rest or let’s flip it. The mind may not be able to comprehend the danger in all of these until a physical act has happened.
That’s why people would call it a mistake while in reality this can only be realistically described as premeditated in reality.
Stage 6
Dependency
At this stage, the transgressor has spent a lot of energy on this side relationship. Yes. they might as well call it a relationship because it’s denial.
They’ve started to fantasize about life with this person and the last thing they want you to call the interaction is an affair.
If you don’t speak to them in a day, your mind won't rest. It’s an unhealthy dependency because you can’t really live in truth; nonetheless a dependency.
Don’t forget that the transgressor still depends on the actual partner for something hence the difficulty in just leaving as opposed to cheating.
Stage 7
Justification
At this stage, a transgressor is actively trying to turn a lie into a truth.
Actually, they are probably being honest since they have been intimate with another person consistently over a period of time.
There is an illusion of greener grass on the other side.
So even though it’s a dishonest lifestyle, it was filling a void and therefore feels like the truth and it’s just being actively justified.
At least, it might feel justified. It is not. That band aid must be ripped off that open and rotten wound once and for all.
Many pieces of advice on the internet will probably be conclusive and I know that you probably don’t want to end the marriage. So it’s confusing at best.
You might not know how far the affair has gone but it really doesn’t matter. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much if not more because of the fear of the unknown.
Reference our last video for recovery tips if you’ve caught your partner in this bad behavior. It’s called “5 Signs of An Emotional Affair + 5 RECOVERY TIPS”.
We share our own story inside the book "GET MY MARRIAGE BACK" which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
Please support this video by hitting the thumbs up and share with us below what you'd like us to cover on the next video.
Check out this episode!
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The Entire Story
6/19/2022 - 2:06pm
What happened? More than I could possibly say, but I’ll try to get it all out. 6 days ago I lost my entire world. I felt like a wildfire had ripped through my life, coming from nowhere, lit by no one, and it burned down every house and killed every person. In the last 6 days, I’ve discovered who it was lit by, who controlled it all along, and what I did that released it like a monster onto a bustling city in a pop culture film.
6 days ago I discovered my boyfriend cheated on me. One moment I thought things were fine. I was brainwashed into thinking things were fine. Every fight was decontextualized by love bombing, every lie buried with four more, every problem blamed on me. After a weekend bender of drinking, my 30-year-old boyfriend woke up in another woman’s apartment. I saw his location ping there at 5:45am while I was at work that morning, stocking the fridges. I screenshotted it, and confronted him with it later. He lied to me several times: “I slept at home last night,” “You’re caught me, I didn’t sleep, I partied all night,” “I went home with a friend and slept but nothing else happened.” Frustrated with his lies, seeing him in a new light, concerned there was more, I reached out to his friend on Instagram. We can call her Kate. I’d met Kate once a year prior while I was in Dallas, where my boyfriend lived. We met at a brunch of maybe 10 people, mid-pandemic (I know, I wasn’t happy about it either). My boyfriend never wanted me to talk to his friends, citing privacy and respect as the reason, and I’d soon learn that he kept his friends and family from reaching out to me either for the same reasons.
I messaged Kate on Instagram. I typed out a message, explaining the situation and asking, girl-to-girl, if she could give me piece of mind. Tell me he wasn’t cheating. But she couldn’t, in fact, she told me he told her months ago that we were not together anymore. Months ago. Weeks ago. Even Yesterday. He swore up and down to her that we were broken up. My world fell. I couldn’t understand. I was at my job, hysterically crying, trying to understand what happened. Why did he think that was okay? How could he justify such lies?
In the weeks before we had discussed me moving across the country to be with him, changing my entire life to join his. Marrying him. Even just a week before he professed how much he wanted to marry me, have babies with me, and grow old. I was his other half, his partner in crime. He loved me so much, right? I believed him. I loved him. I’d do anything for him. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, just that I wanted what he wanted.
A week before we broke up I had come to him telling him I was insecure. We didn’t talk as much anymore, he was out drinking all of the time. I didn’t feel like he loved me anymore. With all the lies he told that I was unaware of, he sat there and told me that he was sorry he hadn’t been paying as much attention to me. He told me he’d try to do better, to call me more, that it was important to him. He told me that he loved me.
The weekend before this we fought. Our fights had been getting worse. He went out to a bar and texted me that there were prostitutes there hitting on him and his friends. I was angry. He’s a wealthy man in his 30s, why is he at this bar? Why did he even tell me this was going on? He said it was a joke, that the prostitutes were funny, but I told him that it wasn’t funny to me. Again, why was he even there? He’d told me previously he didn’t see prostitutes as women at all, not “real” women, anyway. He told me I was insecure for not being happy he was there, and we didn’t talk for two days. Usually after these fights he wins me right back. Never apologizes, but showers me with so many pretty words and love and blaming until I think it’s my fault or forget it ever happened . That didn’t happen this time, because he cheated.
At home after leaving my job early I confronted him over the phone. After a few calls, he admitted to cheating. Adamant it was only kissing before he passed out drunk, but cheating nonetheless. He cried over the phone. I never heard him cry before. He almost never cried. But he was caught. He tried to cover up how he’d lied about our relationship, lied to all his friends, but I had all the proof I needed. Each phone call was a blur, but he wanted to be friends, so he put up with me yelling at him, telling him how he was a dishonest man and a liar and a cheater. Sometimes he’d apologize and express his guilt, other times he’d tell me how I need to get over it and how I was a stick in the mud for continuing to be upset. The heartbreak continued. How could he move on so fast? Four years together. How could he be so fine with us being over? How could he not care about my pain, about his? He wanted me to stop talking about us, about the breakup. He wanted me to just move on.
I played along for the first four days. Fine, I’ll try to be friends. I cried a lot, told my closest friend every word he said. I told my now-ex boyfriend that I didn’t want to watch him move on, sleep with other people, and date. I didn’t want to watch him find others. I still didn’t understand why he didn’t want to be together. The long distance, he said. But how could it be that, when we’d been long distance for so long and there was only 9 months left? The age difference (I’m 20), but how could it be that, if that hasn’t been a problem for so long? If I am more mature than him? I tossed around commitment issues and his lying as other possible reasons. At a point, he tried to convince me it was my fault I didn’t realize we weren’t together anymore. After all, he had turned off his iPhone location (he hadn’t), spoken to me less, and stopped saying I love you as frequently. He tried to convince me that he didn’t really cheat, I just hadn’t realized we were broken up. Yeah, it’s okay if you laugh. It’s pretty ridiculous. At the time, I asked him “Do you consider how people, me, your friends, and your family, feel when you lie to them?” and he said “No, I’ve been so independent and on my own for so long that I don’t care or consider how my lies make them feel. I lie to benefit myself, and It doesn’t occur to me how they feel.”
How could he leave me? I was perfect for him. Not organically, of course, since he made me. He made me exactly what I am. He shaped every personality trait, every like and dislike, every sexual interest. He was my first and he had designed me via manipulation and abuse. More on that later.
Still, four days after we broke up, also the day before yesterday, he took someone home. Or went home with someone. He always told me that if he wanted to go home with someone and have me not find out, he’d just shut off his snapchat location, which he had turned on for everyone (creepy, I know). Sure enough, he left the bar and turned off his location. I lost my mind. I was an absolute mess. After so many years, only 4 days? 4 days to move on? I was devastated. The wildfire had tore through my life and burned everything to a crisp. When you touched things, they turned to ash. I couldn’t take it. I’ve shouldered so much abuse from him— emotional, verbal, sexual. This was where I had to draw the line. I wasn’t going to force myself to watch him do that. I know what he wanted. He wanted me to know, he wanted to rub it in my face, and in the morning when I was mad he wanted to verbally abuse me and remind me we were no longer together. Call me names, tell me I was an immature child.
I never gave him that opportunity, because I sent him a message that I couldn’t be friends, and blocked him on every platform I could. I was a little happy to be free of him, but it was excruciating knowing he was moving on. Seeing other people. He’d been mine for so long, and I’d been his, I didn’t know what else there was.
Now, two days later, my outlook has changed. I have a long road ahead of realizing what he has done to me. Looking back and seeing the truth, dusting away his web of lies. Underneath the rubble and scorched earth of the wildfire he lost control of are foundations that tell the true story of what happened, of who he is. I realize now that this fire was not new, it was carefully cultivated by him. It burned in the background with our every kiss, touch, and word. He kept it hidden behind doors, away from my careful eyes. He told me how I was so strong, so smart, I could find a fire if there was one, so I stopped looking. But it was there, and when I broke his careful boundary and reached out to Kate, I finally opened that door. Fire poured out. Lies and half-truths and damaging, devastating secrets poured out and In drowning in them.
My boyfriend, let’s call him Rob, met me when I was 13. We met online in a BDSM chatroom. I was young and in pain, not knowing what I was doing. I’d been abused by my family and didn’t understand what love was, but I wanted to find it. I was desperate for attention and affection. I would have taken it from anywhere. Unfortunately, I found a snake that disguised itself as safety when Rob first messaged me. He was worried for my safety, because I seemed young and the chatroom was full of creepy, bad men. He was young, newly 23, and didn’t seem like one of the creeps. We started talking, and when he asked me how old I was , I was honest, it was 2015 and I was newly 13.
We began talking every day, calling and texting. He lived in New York, I in Arizona. After two months he told me he was falling in love, that he couldn’t believe it but he couldn’t stay away from me. He messaged me every day while I was in school— 8th grade. He messaged me sexual things. He asked for photos of me, sent photos of him. He opened up to me about his kinks and sexual interests. Like an innocent sponge, I soaked it all up. I didn’t see myself as a child, and didn’t see himself for what he was: a sick, demented man. He was an adult, he knew better. I felt bad for him, falling in love with someone so young and far away. I wish you could see the messages. I wish you could see how he tricked me, how he made me fall in love and convinced me he had too. I still like to think that he did love me, that it was all real. But even if he did, he knew how wrong it was.
We had met in June that year, and in October he broke things off. He wanted me to be able to grow up free if him. I guess his conscience bit him in the ass, but it didn’t last long. We still talked over the next year. He moved on, partied, slept around, and rubbed it in my face. He told me this was the way it was, to grow up, move on, and date someone new. When I finally did in October 2016, he was angry and jealous. He was unhappy with me for dating someone near my age. Eventually, he left me alone, but he still came back every few months to check in. He found someone to date, I was happy with my new boyfriend.
Just over a year later, maybe December 2017, my boyfriend and I’d been having problems. He had been going around behind my back with other girls, and we fought a lot. I reached out to Rob, asking him how he was doing, how his girlfriend was, and wishing him a happy holidays. He responded not long later and sparked up conversation. His girlfriend and him had broken up. One night, when Rob was out drunk at a party, he poured his heart out to me. He told me he never stopped loving me, never stopped thinking about me. His ex and him supposedly broke up because he couldn’t stop comparing her to me. I was confused and didn’t know what to do, but my compassion won over. I felt loved and adored and wanted him to feel better. I affirmed him, said I never stopped thinking about him either. I didn’t plan on leaving my boyfriend, but after a month of talking Rob had won me over again. I loved him all over again, like I never stopped. He planted seeds of doubt in me and broke my boyfriend and I up. He began dating me again. I told Rob how hard it would be. 2 years before I was 18, and then I’d have to go to college, could he really wait for me? At the time I was 15, almost 16, and he was 25. Yes, he said, I was his soulmate. His other half. I was worth it all. He loved me, more than anyone he’s ever loved. I was everything he wanted. He’d made it work. He said it like a mantra almost every day. I believed him. We had movie dates over the phone and called almost every night. I studied hard to go to college. Our conversations about sexual things continued. When we’d fight, usually about him messing with other women or lying, he would tell me I was an immature child. He would target my insecurities and use them against me, then tell me how much he loved me. How he could forgive me, how he never got tired of me, how much he loved me and couldn’t stay mad. My life was an emotional roller coaster of apologizing for my emotions and feeling insecure and unsettled all of the time.
I was vulnerable. I needed help, and he would help me. When my parents would berate me or emotionally abuse me or hit me, he would be right there to comfort me. He would promise me that his family would take me in, treat me as their own, and love me in the ways my own family couldn’t and wouldn’t. He told me so many times about the future we would have together, how he’d always be there to make it better. I was depressed, suicidal, and hurting. He called me every day and shouldered my emotional burdens, and I never realized how he made new ones. e talked about me running away to him, began arranging secret meetups in movie theaters, but nothing happened for awhile. We still always talked about sex, had phone sex, and he had many explicit photos of me.
When it was time for me to pick colleges, Rob was unhappy when I considered schools far from him. During our relationship he had moved to Texas and wanted me to go to Rice or Baylor. I tried, but in the end another school gave me more scholarship money. I didn’t have complete control over where I went because my family wanted me to pick the cheapest option, too. I went to a school in Michigan, and Rob was mad for a long time. I loved him and regretted choosing somewhere so far, even if it was a better school. Before I selected the school, I flew to Rice to interview. When I was in Houston, so was he. We met briefly in a restaurant. I was still only 17. We were both who we said we were, but he made me feel like I’d forced him to go, when I hadn’t.
As I got older and neared 18, the calls lessened. We didn’t talk as much. He still showered me with love and compliments and affection, but every few months he’d threaten to leave me if I didn’t fix the long distance or whatever issue was pressing him at the time. A few months after I turned 18, he told me to stop talking about my family and abuse. I could just leave home now, after all. His affection would continue to lessen over the next two years. But It had been so long, and I felt like no one would ever love me but him, so I stayed. I didn’t know how to leave. I didn’t know who I was without Rob, what life was without Rob.
We met in September 2020 when he visited me at college. He was unsure of meeting me, but I pushed him to come. We had waited so long, why were we waiting still? I still didn’t see what he had done as wrong. I didn’t see myself as child he had manipulated. I thought he just loved me, that this what was love was. That pain was normal, and it meant the love was true. Around that time he was pressuring me to get on birth control because he was too old for condoms. I wasn’t able to get my IUD in time for his visit, and I had to beg him to use condoms. He insisted on not using them at first, and sometimes would listen and put them on. I was terrified after he left. I was freshly 18 and in college, what if he got me pregnant? I still think about that.
I had felt so elated that he was real, he was with me, his love was tangible. He held me when I cried about how terrible he had treated me. How terrible the distance had been. He told me he’d never leave. We were life partners, he was in for the long run.
I remember the first year as incredible. He visited me once or twice in Michigan, but I visited him many times in Dallas where he lived. He had a small, cute apartment, and we seemed so happy. He drank a lot and partied when I wasn’t in town, but was on his best behavior when I was. He seemed exactly as he said he was. He was always careful about me meeting people in his life, but I attributed it to the age gap and distance. I was so wrong. I hadn’t met his family, only a few friends one time, yet had spent multiple months in pieces living in Dallas with him. I was lying to my parents about where I was as I took online classes from his apartment. It was an extremely stressful time for me, but I wanted to do what he wanted.
We still fought, and when we would fight he would usually find a way to convince me it was my fault. I was the one who was insecure, I was childish and unaware. As his abuse worsened and I could occasionally spot his gaslighting, I made the mistake of calling him out. He feigned being upset over it, and convinced me that it was actually me who was abusive, who gaslighted him. He was the victim and I was the crazy girlfriend who needed to walk all over her partner to be happy, to control him. I started complaining about less and less, keeping my disagreement to myself. I didn’t have any control, any say.
The second year was worse. Every few months he’d tell me he wasn’t sure of the relationship, that he wanted to leave, then would pretend like nothing happened. He bought a home in Dallas he couldn’t afford, one that I hated, and it brought him additional stress. He took a lot of it out on me. He still refused to let me meet his family or more friends, and when I pushed to he would do little things to appease me, like call his parents and allow me to participate. It wasn’t enough, and the pressure increased.
My college classes turned in person, and I couldn’t visit as often. His job was permanently remote now, but he refused to come visit me like I had him. In my mind, it was his turn now. I had space in my apartment, but he didn’t want to. He visited here or there but we grew apart from not seeing one another. I pushed to meet his family more and more, but he even cancelled going to his family Thanksgiving celebration to spend Thanksgiving with me in Texas. Another appeasement, but all I wanted was to meet them. I wanted to be a real part of his life, not some little girl he was ashamed of and loved behind others’ backs. I understand somewhat now what he saw me as, how he couldn’t bear to introduce me to his family and risk what I could tell them.
His love for me waned still. He wasn’t compassionate and loving, hated talking to me and calling, and put a heavy emphasis on our kink-filled sex life. I didn’t have much of a choice and did whatever he wanted to keep the peace. He pushed me to drink and use marijuana with him, stuff I was previously very against. When I was visiting him for Thanksgiving last year, after he had cancelled attending his family one, he gave me a very strong edible and sexually assaulted me twice. He had to carry me up the stairs, I couldn’t do them by myself. I don’t understand why he did this to me, perhaps for power and control. I probably would have engaged willingly, but he often talked about his fantasies of rape and now finally got what he wanted. It broke me. I lost so much will to ever fight back, and I never called him out or held him accountable, or hell, ever talked about it again.
Earlier this year, he pushed me more to move to Dallas. He was adamant he was ready to get married and needed me to be on the same page. I want a husband, a life partner, and loved the idea. I wanted the life he promised me. I wanted the future we’d always talked about. I was convinced from an early age that he was the only future I had, the only love I deserved and would ever need. I originally wanted to move somewhere besides Dallas with him. A fresh start. But his family was starting to move to Dallas and he didn’t want to move anymore. He eventually convinced me to agree to move to Dallas after I graduated from college and move into his home. I never liked the house, but it would be mine now. I now know he had been telling everyone we broke up, but pushing me to make permanent plans, which I did. Our fights were becoming more aggressive and he became more and more cruel, but I didn’t know who I was without him. I didn’t know how to leave. I tried at one point in April, but he wouldn’t let me.
Now I feel empty and lost and full of anger. I am slowly looking back on our texts, all the way back into 2016, things he had told me to delete but I never had. I didn’t expect to ever want to turn him in, I was just attached to the love he showed me and didn’t want to lose his texts as a reminder. Now i see them as proof. I’ve never been so angry. I felt betrayed in the beginning of the breakup, then embarrassed at being lied to, for falling for it all. I felt terrified at him making me live without him, distraught at his ease of moving on, how he didn’t seem sad at all to have me out of his life. Depressed when I came to terms that it was over, really over. Disgusted and sad when he took someone else home four days after cheating on me, when I thought he wanted me to be his wife. This summer was supposed to be me meeting his family, then engaged in the next year. I wanted to finally be a huge part of his life.
But now I am angry. I am full of hatred and anger for him. He stole my innocence from me, my teenage years, my freedom. He kept me emotionally, mentally exhausted and when I got too confident or powerful, he knocked me down. I had the personality he wanted me to have, the interests he wanted me to have. I adored him and he was ashamed of me. Part of me wants to hold him accountable. Why does he get to have a full, happy life after all of his lies and cheating and abuse? He was sexually attracted to me as a child and messed me up beyond belief. I don’t know who I could have even been without his influence. Why does he get to move through life, move on unscathed? Why does he get to be free and happy?
Everything I said here isn’t all that happened, but it is a large chunk. There will be more posts as I reflect and handle the emotions i have from this. I hope to someday look back and see how I have grown, how I’ve let go of the anger and found happiness. Maybe someday I’ll hold him accountable and ruin his life for ruining mine. All i know is i am deeply sad for the little girl this happened to, and I’m grateful I found out now about his deception, cruelty, and abuse of me when I was an adult and child.
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Yesterday I was washing dishes, husband suddenly comes over to write a paper from sons preschool. It’s for deciding on a day to watch his class. I had some trouble hearing from over the water, but I did my best. He’s very soft spoken.
At one point he asked me to help him write the tentative dates on the calendar. I wondered why he couldn’t do it himself, but I didn’t say that. I just kindly asked he wait until I finish washing dishes. I had a valid reason. He and son interrupt me often, so I decided I needed to set a boundary that I finish a task before moving onto the next. I don’t expect son to always respect this because he’s only 5, but I expect my 40 year old husband to understand it and respect it.
For some reason he blew up after I asked him to wait until I was done washing dishes. I only had a few left. He went on a rant about how traumatizing it was that I left him a few years ago, how horrible it was that I did that.
He said “(son’s name) is mine!!”
I just … I didn’t know what to say. Normally this would make me cry, but I’m so numb to it now. I tried to calmly ask what this had to do with me asking him to wait until I finish washing dishes.
I tried to validate his feelings, but enquirer why he kept leaving out the reason why I left to begin with.
He didn’t seem to remember why at first, or maybe he didn’t want to admit it. Suddenly got defensive and said his parents hit him as a kid, I think he tried to justify that it’s normal? He said he only hit son once, I remember 3 times. Only one I witnessed, two he admitted to. Only 1 recently, but that’s too much. And I’d like to add, son was between 1-2 years old when these hits happened. He. Was. A. Baby.
I told him, it’s NEVER okay to hit a child. Ever. I stood my ground.
After that he said if I leave again to not take son with me. He said again that “(son’s name) is mine!” He said I can move to Korea, marry a guy, and have a new baby. But he’s keeping son.
Firstly, I never have, nor have ever had an interest in Korea. I’ve only ever defended the country when he talks badly about it, which I’ve learned not to do because he would always get angry at me when I did.
Secondly, I have never had an interest in another man. I guess he tried to forget I tried to come out as a lesbian to him. I now think I’m bi, but it still means I like men and women. Maybe it’s a forgive and forget thing he’s done?
Finally, and most importantly, no one ever leaves their child and just makes a new one. That. Doesn’t. Happen.
I made it clear I had no interest in Korea, I have no interest in finding another man, and I have absolutely no interest in having another baby.
Wow. Just wow.
He kept hugging son and being really attentive and affectionate with him. Like he was trying to be a super perfect dad. I just kept doing as I normally do. I’m not insecure about my son’s love of my, nor my love for my son. I know through my small actions everyday that he feels loved. And I always try to do better everyday. My love for my son doesn’t come in bursts. It’s everyday.
Later husband tried to apologize and be affectionate with me. It felt … uncomfortable. I felt like I was finally seeing the cycle clearly. This wouldn’t be the last time. He makes me sad and uncomfortable or scared, then apologizes and hugs.
It has to end. The cycle has to end.
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Why Filbrick Pines is not as bad as he seems (UPDATED)
WARNING: This post is the updated version of the same post I wrote in 2019. Since I deleted the old blog, I did not want to lose this old analysis, so here it is. I hope you will keep enjoying it even thought I’m not THAT deep into Gravity Falls anymore.
Also, this is a personal opinion, so it’s completely fine if you do not agree. On the contrary, it is even better, because we can have a nice discussion! So if you want, feel free to share your thoughts about this.
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Before starting: I am NOT saying Filbrick Pines is a perfect father. I am NOT saying that everything he did was the best possible choice. I just want to put down everything we know about him, every word and every detail, in order to analyse them, find connections and possibly reach a better understanding of his character. Or at least trying to.
Said that, let’s start with something a lot of people forget: the time period Filbrick Pines lived.
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The time period
According to the Gravity Falls wikia, Stan and Ford Pines were born somewhere between late 40s / early 50s.
If we assume Filbrick Pines was 30 when his sons were born, that means he himself was born around 1910. If we assume he was older, that means he was born at the beginning of the 1900. More than a century ago. And I do not know if you have any idea of how society was at the beginning of the XX century. Spoiler: it was completely different from now.
But let’s assume Filbrick was 30 years old when his sons were born. Okay, let’s even assume he was 20. That means he was born somewhere around 1920. That means he saw the racial laws agains Jews. He saw the Second World War. He saw Berlin’s wall, he saw a lot of things today we find in textbooks. We are talking about events that took place EIGHTY YEARS AGO. If a lot of things changed from 2000 to 2022, just imagine how many things changed from 1920/1930 until today!
For example, let’s just consider how men were supposed to be, back then. Always strong, always confident, never a moment of weakness. Men were not supposed to cry like frail women: they had to be leaders, head of the family, always the best, always ready to prove how strong and brave they were.
This is a mindset we are starting to dismantle just now, in the XXI century. Something we see as an old relic of the past now.
But back then? That was the norm. And if this mentality was the norm, is it so weird to imagine that Filbrick was probably raised with this exact same mindset?
Just look at him: what do we see? A tall, strong, intimidating man, “tough as a cinderblock”, as Stan described him. A perfect incarnation of the “strong, brave man” ideal.
Let’s keep this in mind: Filbrick Pines is a man from the past. His mindset is completely different from our own, so it would be wrong to just look at his actions through the lens of the XXI century. We cannot forget he was born 80 years ago (more or less) and what for us is wrong, for him it was the only right thing to do.
Does that mean we can justify everything he does? Of course not. That means we can understand what he wanted to do and recognize what went wrong. He is a man from the past, but we come from the future: we are more open-minded, we accept cultural, racial, sexual differencies. Society evolved and that allows us to look back in a more impartial way.
So, let’s do it.
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DREAMSCAPERERS
Let’s start with a quote, directly taken from the transcript of Dreamscaperers. Stan is talking with Soos, explaining why he is so hard with Dipper. The reason is quite simple: when he was young, he was bullied.
“It was terrible. I was the biggest wimp on the playground! So one summer, my pop signs up me for boxing lessons. It was even worse than the school yard!
Y'know, that time I thought my pop was trying to torture me.
But wouldn't you know it? The old man was doin' me a favor all along!”
So his dad signed him up for boxing lessons. And Stan, by his own admission, did not like it. Boxing! Something that he deeply enjoys now! And something he kept doing during his teenage years.
“That time I thought my pop was trying to torture me”
Well, it doesn’t look like he’s hating it. Actually, he seems quite confortable on a ring, with bowing gloves on, having fun with his bro.
Have you ever done something you did not like, but had to do, because your parents forced you? It happened to me, when I had to learn how to ride a bike. I did not like it, I was grumpy and said that no, I would never use a bike... but then, I enjoyed it. And now I still prefer it over a car.
“The old man was doin' me a favor all along!”
If you’re doing a rewatch, focus on this scene, because there’s a small, important detail: Filbrick nods in approval. His son was a wimp, not strong enough to stand to his bullies. So, he did what he thought was the best: teaching Stan how to react.
And his father’s lesson helped Stan. When he grew up, he saved his girlfriend from a thief, people cheered him and he gained more confidence in himself.
Filbrick wasn’t good at talking with his son and helping him build confidence through support and approval. But he helped him anyway and he did it the only way he knew: by making him physically stronger.
And it worked! Heck, it worked so well, Stan does the same with Dipper. In the whole series, I do not remember a single scene where Stan sits with Dipper and tells him how much he supports him. But I remember Stan showing his support, by pushing Dipper to improve, to become a better person. He always gives Dipper the hardest works, in order to make him stronger. And when Dipper shows his strength, Stan smiles in approval.
“Not bad, kid. Not bad“
So yes, Filbrick probaly was not good with words and quite hard with Stan, but the reason behind his actions was very understandable: as every father, he wanted his son to be strong enough to stand up by himself and protect his loved ones.
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LOST LEGENDS: PINES BROS MYSTERY
I am putting Lost Legends before ATOTS just because here the Stans are still kids, while in ATOTS they are already teenagers.
But before going into the story, let’s share this:
Not only this is the cutest thing ever, but also shows how Caryn acts towards her husband. She gives him a small, gentle kiss and then laughs at the camera.
Why? Probably because of his “tough guy” reaction. As said before, Filbrick was not raised to show any kind of emotional “weakness” because man = strong and all that jazz. So he probably wasn’t used to publicly show affection towards his wife either.
Still, if he was a heartless man, I doubt she would be this cheerful. If she didn’t love him, I doubt she would give him such a gentle kiss.
But let’s get into the story now.
The Stan bros are having a nice day and planning some adventures, when their father calls: one of his items is missing. And he knows who the culprit is:
Please notice: Filbrick is not accusing Stanley because he hates him. He accuses Stanley, because Stanley has a reputation of stealing. “You are ALWAYS pickpocketing”: that means it is not something that happens occasionally. It is something that comes out regularly.
And, of course, Filbrick is not happy about that. One of his sons is not behaving well, so as any typical strict father, he grounds him.
Here’s another interesting details: Filbrick already knows Ford is smart - probably because Ford showed some talent in school and started to achieve good grades. So Filbrick already knows one of his son is clever and good at school, while the other brings trouble.
After that, Stan and Ford go to search the Jersey Devil. The story is adorable and hilarious, then this happens:
Do you remember what Stan said, in Dreamscaperers?
“So one summer, my pop signs up me for boxing lessons. It was even worse than the school yard!
Y'know, that time I thought my pop was trying to torture me.”
Here we can see the same emotions: Stan clearly wanted his father to show him more support. A more emotional father, someone who talks to his son, tells him what he is doing wrong, shows support and and love.
But we already saw that Filbrick is not that kind of father. He’s from a time period where the general idea of being a good father was something more like: “my son is misbehaving, so if I am hard with him, he will become better”.
He was being hard for Stan’s own good. And sure, being a strict father is good. But he was missing the most important thing: to show some support too. Filbrick was so focused on being a strict father, to not show Stan enough affection. And this is a mistake, but also a consequence of the mentality he was born with: Filbrick wasn’t a man used to express his feelings.
Heck, considering that kind of mentality, maybe Filbrick thought that being nice with Stan would’ve been like allowing the kid to misbehave. Showing affection would’ve been like showing a crack in his stern façace, a weak spot that could’ve been used by Stan as a way to keep going with his bad habits.
“Sometimes feels like Pa hates me” it has the same vibe as “Y'know, that time I thought my pop was trying to torture me” from Dreamscaperers. As said before, Stan didn’t realize how his father was trying to teach him.
Also, there’s another important information here: Ford says their father has a short fuse. We already saw that, at the beginning of this story, when Filbrick immediately accused Stanley of being the culprit and decided to ground him. It was a very quick reaction, made in a fit of anger. Almost like another decision we will see him making.
And yes, it was heartbreaking learning the reason why Stanley broke the case and stole the chain. It shows how hard it was for him, living with a father that never showed him the support he needed.
Here again we can see the limit of Filbrick’s way of teaching. He wants to toughten his son, to teach him how to better behave, but he lacked the affection part. So yes, Stanley became a better person, but it took him years to realize how his father was teaching him and that he actually cared.
At the end, we have this:
This is one of those great moments in which words are not necessary, because the body language speaks loudly.
We see Filbrick carrying the chain in his hands and looking at it. His face is conveniently half covered, but the gesture is enough: there’s no anger, no sadness, no frustration. He’s touched by this.
And if this gesture alone isn’t enough, we have Caryn’s espression: sure, Stan did something bad, but only to give his father a gift. To show him some affection. And Filbrick WAS touched by it.
But if you don’t believe me, there’s a code that is linked to the Lost Legends book, that leads to an internet page full of nice additional informations (here is the link, if you had no idea that thing existed: https://partners.disney.com/shmeb-you-unlocked).
If you click on one of the books, there are some additional informations about Filbrick. And, among them, there is this one:
Never wiped “#1 dad” off his gold chain.
So Filbrick maybe never thanked Stan for his action, but he appreciated it. And he showed it, by keeping the chain. Just like Stan will show his affection over time.
And so, the story ends with Stan and Ford grounded for the rest of the summer. You may say it’s not fair, but it makes sense. Why? Because Stan’s idea was nice, but his actions were wrong. Lying, stealing, destroying the glass case and hiding it from his father: this is not what a good child should do, no matter how pure his intentions were.
And this is a preparation for the future. As Ford said, Stanley takes a lot of bad decisions, prefers shortcuts and “sometimes it gets you into trouble”. Now he’s still a child, so Filbrick is responsible for him. But his father won’t protect him forever: Stan will grow up and, one day, he will take full responsability of his actions.
Filbrick is preparing him for that day. By showing Stan that bad action have bad consequences, he’s indirectly saying that he should better behave, because he won’t be protected forever. But he does it poorly, by not showing enough affection to his son. So, instead of fully understanding the lesson, Stan will think he’s just the stupid twin, “half of a dynamic duo”.
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A TALE OF TWO STANS
“Dad was a strict man. Tough as a cinderblock and not easily impressed.!
Stan confirms what we saw from Dreamscaperers: his father is a strict man, tough and unimpressed. A “real man”, as the mentality of the time wanted him to be.
But, one day, his dad is called by the school, because there are some great news:
“I'm saying your son, Stanford, is a GENIUS! All his teachers are going bananas over his science fair experiment! Ya ever heard of West Coast Tech? Best college in the country. Their graduates turn science fiction into science FACT! The admissions team is visiting tomorrow to check out Stanford's experiment. Your son may be a future millionare, Mr. Pines.”
Let’s try put ourselves in his shoes: you always knew your son is clever, but now the principal tells you that he has the incredible opportunity of attending the best college in the country. And not “one of the best”, not “a good one”, but the BEST.
And he could become a millionaire! Just imagine your life, if one of your relatives suddently becomes a millionaire: no more worries about bills and taxes, raising kids will be way easier, every problem will disappear, you may even quit your job.
Of course Filbrick is impressed, anyone would be! I would probably die on the spot, so it makes sense they are THIS shocked:
And then, one evening, Stan and Ford start arguing.
“This was no accident, Stan; you did this! You did this because you couldn't handle me going to college on my own!”
“Look, this was a mistake! Although if you think about it, maybe there's a silver lining. Huh? Treasure hunting?”
“Are you kidding me? Why would I want to do anything with the person who sabotaged my entire future?!”
We all know what really happened, but see it as someone who doesn’t know anything. If you just hear this conversation between, would you believe that Stan is innocent?
Now, try to see it from Filbrick’s point of view: your clever son, future millionaire, comes back home one day, yelling that his good-for-nothing brother sabotaged him. And his brother just tells that “It was a mistake”, before changing subject: a reaction that sounds more like an half-ammission of guilt, rather than an explanation about what really happened.
From his point of view, Filbrick just heard Stan admitting he destroyed his brother’s life, by making him lose a chance that will never happen again.
“You ignoramus! Your brother was gonna be our ticket out of this dump! All you ever do is lie and cheat right on your brother's coattails. Well this time you cost our family potential millions! And until you make us a fortune, you aren't welcome in this household.”
“All you ever do is lie and cheat right on your brother’s coattails”: same vibe as “You’re always pickpocketing and monkeyshining” from Lost Legends.
But now Stan is not a child anymore. Now his mistake isn’t just breaking a glass. Now his mistake is HUGE and it affected his own brother. He made Ford lose an occasion that will never come back. And the consequences of his action affected the whole family too! (“Your brother was gonna be OUR ticket out of this dump! / This time you cost OUR FAMILY potential millions”).
Sure, it was naive from Filbrick to think Stan would intentionally do something this bad to his own brother, the person he cares most in the entire world. But remember: Filbrick has a short fuse. And Stan has a long history of stealing and lying. So Filbrick connected all the dots and reached the most obvious conclusion: Stan did it on purpose, in order to keep his brother with him forever.
And this shows another interesting detail: how Filbrick cares about Ford. Because before ruining the family, Stan’s action ruined his own brother’s future. He could have studied in a great school, instead of a mediocre one. And ihis is not something any parent would see, for none of their kids.
Speaking of kicking people out, I want to share something that happened in my family some years ago.
My father’s sister has two teenager sons, A and B: A left school at 17, but he quickly found a job with a watchmaker. B left school too, but instead of finding a job (or even attempting to do it), went out with his friends all day, smoking and drinking all night.
One day, my uncle found out his bank account was empty. When he tried to recollect what happened, he found out B took all the money from his bank account to bet on horses.
My uncle was livid. He came back home, told him he would not spend a single cent anymore and kicked him out of the house.
B stayed with his aunt for several months, before my uncle accepted him back and when he did it, he kept an eye on him all the time and forced him to find a job.
Why am I sharing this story? Because my uncle is a man in his 60s and he has always been a laid-back, carefree guy. Despite this and despite being in the 21st century, he got so mad at his own son, to kick him out without a second thought.
Does that mean he is a bad father? Or that he does not love his son? Of course not. He was so angry, to not think straight anymore. He needed several months of boiling down, to welcome his son back.
Of course that doesn’t mean that not kicking your children our of the house makes you automatically a good parent: parenting is not easy, there are a million of other mistakes parents make all the time and I don’t envy them at all.
My point is: Filbrick is not a bad father, because he kicked Stan out. He is a bad father, because he never expressed his support to his son. Because he was hard, without any kindness. Because he tried to teach him, but never showed how proud he was of him.
And you know what is truly awesome? That Stan is a good person. Even if his father was not very good and his teaching methods were questionable, not only Stan became good, but better than him.
And he did it, even by keeping his father’s sayings, like this one:
Or even by choosing the same job:
And, as we saw in Dreamscaperers, Stan ended up using the same teaching method his father used with him: by being hard on Dipper, in order to make him stronger.
The big difference between them, is that Stan shows his emotions. He shows how much he cares about his niece and nephew. He shows how much he cares abot his family. Unlike his father that never managed to show any emotion because he was taught to be stern and strong, Stan is free to be both kind and strong, both weak and stern, while still being the beautiful, great man Filbrick wanted to see.
And I really believe that, if Filbrick was (is?) alive, he would probably be very proud of how his son became so much better than he never was.
#gravity falls#filbrick pines#stanley pines#ford pines#I was tired of people being all filbrick is bad#sure he is but he's a man of his time#that's an old mindset#and stan became a lot better#stan is great#just a reminder
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One Foot in the Golden Life
Pairing: rich kid!renjun x caddie!reader
Genre: rich kid AU, university au, romance, slight angst, mature content
Length: 9.7k
Summary: this is the story of a boy who is constantly pushed down by his father, a girl who just wants to not live paycheck to paycheck, and how they met on a golf course.
Warnings/Details: includes mentions of other NCT members, female reader, swearing, inaccurate depiction of golf, acts of sexual harassment towards the reader, mature content (unprotected sex, coming inside, oral [female receiving])
a/n: a big thank you to @insomni-writing for beta reading this ♡ also, if you are a minor, please beware that there is mature content in this fic!
You thought it would be the perfect opportunity to work at the most well-known country club in the state, but really the only thing your job brought you was perpetual cold to your hands and feet, and entangled your simple life with one of the youngest and richest bachelors at your university.
The only place on top of Mt. Carla is the Augusta Country Club, and it is a sight to see by the regular people who gaze up at it from the city below, like mortals looking up into the Gods’ chamber. The first time you went up the mountain for your job interview at the club, you got lost and were almost late. Thankfully, you didn’t crash your car on the winding roads, and got the job as well.
The Augusta Country Club is equipped with the largest and most expensive golf course in the region, but also has Michilin approved restaurants and the finest saunas and gym equipment any CEO could ask for. Those are usually the type of people that have club memberships: CEO’s, congress men and women, top-notch lawyers, and maybe the odd business owner that made it big enough to afford the price tag.
When you took up the job as a caddie, you had an idea of what you were getting yourself into. You’ve only been working for a month, but there are already a few regular golf players that prefer you as their caddie, which in your book is a success considering the type of high profile people that come to relax here.
However, today is different.
You can sense it when Kara and Mina, your coworkers who have been working here for a year longer than you, walk towards you and your friend, Lia, before your shift today. Mina has a small stack of info cards in her hands and they both hold smug smiles on their faces. The info cards have everything a caddie needs to know about who they’ll be working for that shift, and by the looks of it, today’s game will have a good match up.
“I’m going to be Mr. Huang’s son’s caddie. Don’t even fight me on this, you know I’ll win.” Kara states boldly as the two girls stop in front of you, snatching an info card out of Mina’s hand when she holds them up like she’s playing a card game, flashing the photos and names on the cards at you.
“I call dibs on Mr. Lee’s son.” Mina hums, not even bothering to keep up the act that they just want to be good caddies. “You two can have the old men.” She smiles tightly, shoving the other two info cards into Lia’s grasp and turning on her heel to walk away with Kara.
Considering you don’t even know what they’re talking about, you have no right to be mad at them. There is more confusion clouding your mind than anger at their rudeness. However, Lia does not share the same sentiment.
“I’ll shove these info cards up their-” Lia fumes, her volume rising as the sentence went on, and you quickly pulled her out of ear shot, around a corner by the bathrooms. “-stuck up two faced asses!”
“Lia…” You mutter, her wording making you shake your head at how unstable her temper is, “They’ve been working here for a lot longer than we have, just let them have those clients. Either way, what’s it to you?”
“What’s it to me? ___, they’re talking about Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun. I know I told you about them before.” Lia states like she expects you to have those two names tattooed on the front lobe of your brain already.
“I think I remember them…. They go to our University, right?” You try to regurgitate your friend’s rambles from months ago out of your head.
“Yeah, business department.” She sighs dreamily, as if the business department is the sexiest thing on campus. “This might be our only chance to shoot our shot.” You can’t help but grimace a bit.
“It can be your chance to shoot your shot. Leave me out of this.” You randomly grab an info card out of Lia’s hands, turning it around to see Mr. Huang Lijun’s photo staring back at you. You send Lia one last look, walking around her to go change in the dressing rooms.
“Aw, you’re no fun.” You hear her whine, her footsteps echo through the hallway as she comes up behind you. She almost knocks you into the wall from how forcefully she grabs onto your arm and swings it back and forth like you’re two little kids on your way to the playground.
“Maybe we can shoot our shot at the old men?” You and Lia stop walking, turning to face each other for a moment of silence. You blink at each other as if you’re both considering it, before erupting into laughter at the ridiculous thought and continue walking down the hallway.
You and Lia constantly joke around about finding rich sugar daddies at work to pay for your college tuition, but both of you know you’ll never actually commit to the idea fully. Neither of you will admit it, but you both know you don’t have the guts to do something like that.
By the time you, Lia, and your other coworkers change into uniform and gather your supplies for the Lee vs. Huang game, it’s already 10am. The air is crisp and cool, the signs of fall creep along your skin and taint the deep green trees in light oranges and yellows.
Despite the chill, you and your coworkers still wear skirts, long sleeve v-necks, and puffy vests; the only thing keeping your feet warm is a pair of short white socks and tennis shoes. You don’t mind the chill knowing that once the game starts you’ll be moving around enough to get warm. You stop thinking about your cold toes as soon as the door of the country club opens and the Lees and Huangs walk out.
The first time you lay eyes on Huang Renjun, you think your heart might stop.
You know it’s him because he walks close to his father as they make their way to where you’re standing by the golf carts. He has obviously dyed blonde color, his dark roots proof of that; it’s neatly gelled back in an effortless way with the light wind blowing a few of the locks gently as if an angel is personally moving them for him. His white jacket and black pants are slim and look like they cost more than all of your college textbooks this semester. He walks with his head high, his pretty, pink lips set in a straight line, and his almond eyes gentle.
Okay, so... maybe you understand the hype now.
“Good evening, ladies.” Mr. Lee announces, looking at you and your coworkers. You all politely introduce yourself and state who you’ll be caddying for.
Huang Lijun isn’t as tall as his son, but he looks to be more lively than Renjun, even at his age. He has a permanent smile on his lips and you can feel a friendly demeanor radiating from him when you approach.
“Good Morning, sir. Let me take those off of your hands.” You politely grab the bag of clubs from him, feeling shy as his gaze doesn’t leave your face the entire time.
“You’re new here, right? I feel like I would remember you if I saw you before.” You’re surprised when he suddenly pinches your cheek, and he laughs at your shocked face. An unsettled feeling plants itself at the bottom of your stomach at the unwarranted touch.
“I’ve only been working here for a month, sir.”
“I think I’ll be coming around here more often, then.” He winks at you and turns to go sit in the front seat of the golf cart. You can’t help but let the feeling at the bottom of your stomach grow at how the older man looks at you. You definitely misjudged his “friendly” demeanor. Your eyes can’t help but glance at Renjun, who’s standing a few feet away from the whole interaction. He gives you a blank stare before turning and following his father.
In the past few weeks, you had gotten many lustful smiles and lewd gazes at your bare legs, but also many dollars in tips just in one morning by letting those smiles and gazes happen. The need to make ends meet justifies it all, and the cash you earn at the end of every shift only fuels this need.
The ride from the club’s main building to the first hole is short, so you quickly recompose yourself. You still have a job to do— a job you’re being paid lots of money for. You believe in your strong will to put up with whatever antics Mr. Huang pulls for the next few hours. Upon arrival at the first hole, you pull the bag of golf clubs out of the cart and follow in Mr. Huang’s quick footsteps, suddenly feeling sweaty from the exercise you’re getting by carrying these heavy clubs. When your group reaches the first hole, you set the bag down on the ground and press your hand over your face, but Mr. Huang’s voice startles you.
“Woah, there.” You jump and face him. “Those clubs cost more than my car, and unlike my car, they don’t deserve to be on the ground, darling.”
“Yes, sir. I apologize.” You smile shyly and pick up the clubs from the ground, your shoulders already straining to keep them up. ‘They weigh as much as a car,’ you huff.
This is going to be a long game.
“You kids can clean the carts today,” Mina suddenly throws a keychain at Lia’s face, she barely catches it before it hits her, “I have plans.”
“Me, too.” Kara quickly says, following after Mina as they both walk away. The game ended right at lunchtime (the Lees won) and now you and your coworkers are back at the club. It’s supposed to be everyone’s job to clean the golf carts after they’ve been used, but it looks like today it’ll just be you and Lia… Maybe.
“___, please. I’m going to be late to the cafe, my boss there is already mad at me.” Lia turns to you and begs with her hands clasped in front of her chest, eyes pleading and feet bouncing. You sigh; you’re hungry and your muscles are sore, and all you want to do is go home as quickly as you can. Still, you roll your eyes and take the golf cart keys from her, making her face crack open into a smile as she hugs you quickly.
“I’ll bring you coffee on Monday!” She screams at you as she practically runs away, leaving you with two golf carts to clean. You sluggishly begin, crawling into the cart the Huangs were sitting in when you find a small notebook laying on one of the seats. Picking it up to examine it, you find out it’s your university’s yearly planner, a book that everyone gets at the beginning of every academic year. Along the binder reads “Huang Renjun” and your eyes widen, immediately looking up to glance at the direction that Renjun walked off to a while ago.
Your legs move quickly through the corridors of the club, moving past changing rooms, saunas, and bathrooms, the planner tightly clutched in your hand. Your head is on a swivel and your lower lip is stuck between your teeth, until you hear a door open and slam shut behind you, making you turn your head to catch Renjun walking out of a changing room.
“Mr. Huang!” You call out.. Renjun freezes at the name, spinning on his heel to see you walking towards him.
“Sorry to disturb you, but you left your planner on the golf cart.” You hold it out for him, but he doesn’t take it.
“How do you know it’s a planner? Did you look through it?” You blink at him, stunned, and then glance down at the notebook. You’re surprised by the sudden questions and at the same time annoyed that Renjun accused you of snooping through his things so quickly. The image you had of him earlier, graceful, classy, and attractive, slips out of your mind as he stares down at you. However, this is the first time he’s directly talking to you, and you can’t help the spark that ignites in your belly from the roughness in his voice. It’s higher-pitched, but unpolished and jagged as he speaks with you.
“No. I go to the same University. I have the same one.” You explain. Renjun’s stare turns into shock.
“Really? Which department?”
“Fine Arts. I study Studio Art.” At first you think that you’re seeing things, but after blinking, you can guarantee that Renjun has jealousy painted on his face. It’s so sour that he looks away, trying to preoccupy his hands by fiddling with his bag. “So, are you going to take this, or…?”
“Yeah,” The bitterness drips from his tone, but you have a feeling it’s not directed at you, “Thank you for returning it.” He finally accepts it and turns to his bag, taking out his wallet. The cards inside look thick and heavy; memberships to places you’ll never step foot in and credit cards with limits you could never even imagine. Your pride tells you that you don’t need anything he could give you, so you silently turn around and walk away.
Renjun shuffles through some crisp 10’s and 20’s, but when he looks up to give you the tip, you’re already down the hallway and halfway out the door. You have golf carts to clean.
The next time you see Renjun is a week after the last game. The chilly weather remains, along with the useless uniform you have to wear, but this time around you’re not Mr. Huang’s caddie, you’re Renjun’s.
Kara walks next to you with Mr. Huang’s heavy golf clubs, her lips straight and head turned away from you to show her annoyance at how the caddie match up situation went this week. You’re sure to get an earful about this for at least the next few days, but you kind of like this revenge that fate dealt Kara. Either way, it’s not like there’s anything you can do about the match up. Renjun requested you to be his caddie this week, and you weren’t going to risk your bosses being angry with you by denying the request.
“Driver.” Renjun’s voice pulls you into the game. You pull out the correct golf club and put it into his awaiting hand, your fingertips brushing with his. “Aren’t you cold?” The words shock you, considering they’re the first words Renjun spoke to you today other than commands for golf clubs.
“I-I’m fine, Mr. Huang.” You respond promptly.
“Don’t call me that.” His tone is icy, and he quickly realizes how unnecessary it is to bite at you like that, “Just call me Renjun.” His father walks back from his shot, looking very smug. Renjun’s face is calm as he trades spots with his father and prepares for his first swing of the day, correcting his posture and loosening his limbs.
You remember the first time you saw him, how elegant and poised he looked. Your cold hands break into a sweat as your chest heats up from the quick beating of your heart. Renjun has only been icy and accusing towards you so far, yet you still feel warm while thinking about him. There has to be something wrong with you.
“Doesn’t my son look like he knows what he’s doing?” Mr. Huang asks from beside you, a small, unnerving smile on his lips.
“Yes, sir.” You reply back with your own, more innocent, smile.
“I taught him everything he knows about golf…. And women.” Mr. Huang leans into you, turning his chest to face you so that his breath is hitting your cheek. You can’t help but swallow to relieve your dry and cold throat, keeping your eyes forward as Renjun swings his club back and forth a bit in preparation.
“Yes, sir.” The only thought on your mind is to stop this man from stepping closer.
“Is that the only thing you can say?”
Renjun swings his arm back, breathing in as he keeps his eyes on the small white ball and his hopes in the green before him. Mr. Huang’s right hand is warm on your waist, but you would give anything to freeze right now.
A sharp crack ripples through the air as Renjun hits the golf ball and sends it flying into the golf course. His eyes are not where the ball lands, but instead on where his father touches you.
Renjun’s mom died when he was not even three days old.
He never got to meet her— to lay on her chest and hold her finger with his whole hand. He’ll never know what advice she would’ve given him when he got his first girlfriend, and he’ll never know how she would’ve reacted to him crashing his first car when he was 17. He only knows that his mom would’ve been there for him through all of that, unlike his father, who was not.
Renjun has had “mothers” through his life; three, to be exact. The first was when he was 5 years old, and she quickly asked for a divorce after Renjun’s dad went on a three month business trip and she didn’t hear from him the whole time. The second “mother” was a bit more mature than the first and with a lot more time on her hands. She wanted to shape 9 year old Renjun into a perfect student, which was something Renjun’s father appreciated, but still divorced her for “being too strong-headed.” Renjun only met his third mother twice when he was 13: once at the wedding and the second time at her funeral. He didn’t ask any questions, he wasn’t very interested in the first place.
These were the type of people Renjun spent his life around, but they really weren’t his mothers. The only similarity he had with those women was his father, and he treated them as poorly as he treated Renjun. That’s why when Renjun looks at you, cowering away from the very man who is his only link to family, he feels sick.
When is his dad going to stop being a fucking predator? How young does he want his next conquest to be? Will Renjun’s next mom be the same age as him? Something swirls in the pit of his stomach when he watches his father and it takes a moment for him to figure out what it is: jealousy. He’s not sure why he’s feeling jealous over someone he just met last week, but the feeling engulfs his whole chest and it burns him to his spot.
Renjun doesn’t even notice that he swung his golf club or that the golf ball went somewhere far into the green, probably an overshot. He only sees you, afraid of the man touching you but not stepping away. Why aren’t you stepping away?
“Nice job, Renjun.” His best friend, Jeno, claps a hand on his back as he steps up, hitting Renjun back into reality and forcing him to walk towards you. As Renjun approaches, his father slyly takes his hand away, and Renjun notices how you let out a relieved sigh. Giving you back his driver, Renjun strategically stands between you and his father, pretending to watch Jeno swing.
“Good job… Renjun.” You whisper, unsure about calling him by his first name so informally.
“Thank you.” Renjun sends a side glance to his father to see the displeased look on his face. “How was that, Dad?” Renjun hopes that maybe he can remind his father of why he’s here (to win against the Lees this week, not to feel up a girl 30 years younger than him) but in this moment, his father is acting like a 5 year old in the middle of a silent tantrum, not a 50 year old who runs the most successful construction company in the country.
“I’ve taught you better than that.” Renjun is sure they’re not talking about golf anymore, the authoritative tone in his father’s voice sends a lightning bolt of surprise and slight fear down Renjun’s back. He hates how he gets scared, he hates how his father can control him. The fury churns in the pit of his stomach as he accepts his father’s words with a bow of his head.
One day, Renjun swears he won’t submit anymore.
After the game ended with the Lees winning once again, you, Lia, and your other coworkers convene at the golf carts after the clients leave to change inside the club.
“You ladies know the drill.” Kara throws both sets of golf cart keys at you before walking off with Mina. You push Lia towards the entrance of the building before she even has a chance to turn around and open her mouth.
“You should get to the cafe before your boss throws another fit.” Lia turns back to face you, her jaw slightly slack and her eyes shining.
“You’re seriously the best. I love you.”
“Yeah, yeah, just give me a few extra shots in my coffee on Monday.” Lia laughs at that, grabbing your face between her two small, manicured hands and kissing you on each cheek before hopping off inside. You can’t help but be amused at her antics, turning to the golf carts in front of you to start cleaning.
“They make you clean the carts by yourself?” The voice startles you, not because you weren’t expecting it but because it’s Renjun’s. You turn your head over your shoulder, he’s standing just a few feet away still in his golfing gear from earlier.
“Uh, not usually, no. But my coworkers haven’t been happy with me lately.” You explain, fully turning to him and crossing your arms over your chest to tuck your cold hands into your sides.
“The ones who have been working here for a while?” You nod as an answer, and Renjun nods back in understanding, shoving his hands in his pants pockets. “They’ve been trying to get with me and my best friend for a while...” Renjun trails off when he sees your eyebrows raise at the comment, “... But that’s not what I came here to talk about.”
“Oh? What are you here for?” The conversation has gotten too informal for a worker and their client to be having, but you kind of like talking to Renjun in this casual setting.
“I realized that the past few times we’ve talked I’ve been such a dick.” He laughs lightly as he remembers, “I wanted to apologize for that. I wasn’t in a good mood last week and this morning, and I ended up pushing it on you.”
Renjun feels lots of emotions when it comes to you, despite only having this one proper conversation with you. He feels envy towards you for being able to study something that he desperately wants to. He feels guilt when he remembers how quickly he made you into a thief when you were only trying to return his belongings, and he feels so many other secondary and tertiary emotions in between. His head is full when he looks at you. He finally feels like he’s thinking about something, not just doing the same day to day motions in a constant cycle of ‘when will this end?’
“You’re apologizing?” You ask, stunned when he nods his head in confirmation. Sincere apologies are important to you. You believe there are not enough of them in this world anymore, and his gentle almond eyes are too wholehearted and warm for you in this cold weather. Your heart feels full looking at him, and you curse at yourself in your head for being swayed like this.
“I also have a question… You mentioned you’re majoring in Studio Art and I was wondering if, maybe, you could let me into one of the studios after a class this week? I’ve been needing a quiet place to work since my house has been busy lately.” One of the hands that was in Renjun’s pocket moves to matte down his sideburns while he glances at his shoes. “Was that too forward? Sorry, I just know that you can’t get into a studio without a passcode and you’re the only person I know who’s in Studio Art.” Renjun explains after you stare for a while, blinking at him.
“You’re an artist?” You finally ask, Renjun giving you a weak ‘yeah’ in response. A part of you wants to say no, that it’ll be weird to do something like this for him when you’ve only known him for less than 2 weeks and up until this point, you’ve only been in a worker-client relationship. However, you’re curious about what he’s like outside of this setting, especially what he’s like when his father has no possibility of appearing, since that seems to be the factor that turns his mood up or down.
“Sure. Come by studio 3 after 6pm on Wednesday and I’ll let you in, but... I heard Mr. Lee already scheduled a game for next weekend?” Renjun nods, “Then in return, you can win that game. It’s embarrassing always being on the losing team.” You smile playfully at the end to let him know you’re only joking.
“Deal.” Renjun sends a smile back of the same caliber, holding out a hand to shake with yours. If you thought you were affected by Renjun’s nice presence, his hand in yours sends you into another realm. His touch is warm from staying indoors and from keeping his hands in his pockets, and they contrast to your cold skin. He sucks in a breath through his teeth when your hands connect, turning your hand in his grip to look at your knuckles. “Are you sure you’re not cold? Your hands are freezing.”
“I’ll be okay. I just don’t have any good gloves to wear while working.” He huffs, small traces of white smoke leaves his mouth as he digs through his pockets.
“Wear these.” He replaces his hand in yours with a pair of his own gloves, “Your hands are precious, they shouldn’t be freezing.” Before Renjun can get embarrassed by his own words, he shoves his hands back into his pockets and turns on his heel, walking away, “I’ll see you on Wednesday!”
A knock on the studio doors shakes you away from staring at your painting, making you turn to look at who it is. Renjun peaks through the small window and waves when you make eye contact. You get up to open the door, almost forgetting that today is the day you agreed to let Renjun into your studio.
… Okay, that’s a lie. You definitely remembered that you’re supposed to meet Renjun, but you keep trying to convince yourself that you’re not excited about seeing him outside of that stuffy country club.
“Hey, sorry if I startled you.” Is the first thing he says when you open the door. He’s dressed in slacks, a dress shirt with a sweater over it, and a long coat over that. His nose and cheeks are slightly red from the rough wind outside and his supplies are clutched to his chest.
“Oh, you’re fine. I was just deep in thought.” Something about the studio makes both of you speak in hushed tones. No one else is here, but you feel the need to maintain the peace and quiet the room naturally holds. You and Renjun make your way to where you’re set up, he puts his things down on an easel to your left and takes off his coat, watching you from his peripheral vision.
Those uniforms they make you wear at work are just for show, Renjun knows that well, but that doesn’t stop him from appreciating you in the tight vest and little skirt. However right now, he likes your laid back look consisting of loose jeans and a layered shirt, he thinks it matches you.
“I was going to leave when you got here, but I think I’ll just finish this and head out.” You comment, aimlessly waving at your project.
“Please, stay as long as you need to. This is your studio, I don’t want to kick you out.” He laughs and licks his bottom lip. It’s breathtaking how innocent and nice his smile looks on his face. His eyes scrunch together to form laugh lines and his cheeks rise, he truly looks pretty when he smiles. You think this is the first time you’ve seen him like this.
You mumble back with a mixture of words that probably didn’t make sense and turn back to your work, leaving the room to continue with its peacefulness and quiet. However, Renjun’s presence next to you is too big to ignore. There are so many things you want to know about him and you have no excuse as to why you’re so curious.
“How about a game while we work?” You suggest.
“Sure… How about 20 questions?” It’s like he read your mind, so you smile and nod at his idea.
“You can go first.” You suggest.
“Okay, uh… Why do you work at a golf course if you’re majoring in Studio Art? Shouldn’t you be working at a, I don’t know, museum?” The question catches you off guard and Renjun notices how you stop painting, your brush and your hand floating in the air as you think, “Oh, sorry, is that too personal?”
“No, no… It’s just, normally, the first question people ask in a game of 20 questions is something like ‘what’s your favorite color’ or ‘what’s your sign’.” Renjun lets out a choked and embarrassed laugh, ducking his head down to look away from you. You can tell he’s about to change his question, so you quickly go back to painting and speak before he can.
“I did apply to work at several museums. I didn’t get any jobs, so I had to look elsewhere and Augusta was hiring. I know it’s not very fitting, but it makes good money and rich people know my name, even if it’s for just a few hours.” Renjun nods at your answer as if he could ever understand the idea of being poor, but the insight into your decision brings a fact to light that Renjun wasn’t 100% aware of before: you’re not like him, you need money.
“Don’t you hate the way people look at you there?” The words tumble out of Renjun’s lips faster than he can process the weight they carry. He turns to face you with guilt pooling in his eyes and his mouth opening and closing to find some words to correct the situation.
“No, I don’t like it.” You surprise him with your quick response, “But people like you don’t understand what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck, to have to worry about how to pay the bills every month for years on end, always on your toes about money. I bet you think I’m cheap and—”
“No.” Renjun cuts you off promptly before you can continue, “Don’t make me into a jerk. I’m not like that. But the fact that that is the first thing you thought of worries me.” Your eyes widen at that, prompting him to elaborate. “Doesn’t that mean that’s how you think of yourself? Maybe not on the outside, but subconsciously. Sure, I won’t ever be able to understand how you live, but I wish you would not look at yourself as cheap and think of yourself as… beautiful.” Renjun lets the last words linger on his tongue, saying it quietly as if to not startle you.
You stare at him, your paintbrush resting in your hand and your back slouched as you watch him watch you. This is not the type of conversation you thought you’d be having with Renjun tonight, but you have to admit he makes a point. Eventually, you turn to your painting and stare at it some more, making Renjun turn and continue his own work.
“Ah, I asked two questions in a row.” He suddenly breaks the tense atmosphere, making you sigh as you remember you’re just playing a game, “You can ask two questions.”
He allows and relaxes when he sees you go back to painting.
“If you like to draw, why are you a business major?” Now it’s Renjun’s turn to freeze. Maybe if he did ask what your favorite color was he wouldn’t have had to endure this question from you, but he feels like he should answer it since it’s of equal weight to the one he asked you.
“It wasn’t my choice. I will most likely take my father’s place in his company and I need to at least know the basics before that happens.” You nod slowly. He looks so calm when he’s focused on drawing, but it’s not the same calm that you see on his face when he’s playing golf. You turn away before you get caught staring.
“Is that why your mood always changes when your dad is around?”
“Is it that obvious…” He trails off and you nod, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this out loud, but… It’s like everytime I’m around him, or at his office, or at home, my mind goes blank. I don’t feel like talking or thinking at all.” As he speaks, he sets down his utensils and turns to you, making continuous eye contact as he explains. You find yourself feeling comfortable at how easily he’s talking to you about such a deep subject.
“It sounds like… you’re angry.” You turned to face him now too, your paintbrush settled onto your canvas and your full attention on him, “My dad is like that. He gets so angry sometimes that he’s calm. No yelling or fighting, just silence. That’s how I know I messed up when he gets like that.” You nod, remembering all the times he’s been calmly mad at you.
“I don’t know… It’s confusing to me.” He straightens his back and stares at your foot as it moves around aimlessly. “What do I do?” He asks into the air, as if his pencil would suddenly start talking to him like a therapist.
“Just do what makes you happy.” Renjun’s glance over at you makes a smile pull at your lips, “I know it’s easier said than done. But you already know what it is that’ll make you happy, and that’s half of the battle. Why bottle it up?”
Renjun doesn’t know how he’ll ever get the courage to tell his father these things, but the way you’re looking at him as if he can do anything, he starts to feel tingles of confidence trickle into him.
“Oh, and why did you pick me to be your caddie this past weekend?”
“Well…” Renjun plays with his pencil. What is he supposed to say? He doesn’t want you to carry around his father’s heavy golf clubs? He doesn’t like the way his father touches you and gets jealous over it for some unknown reason? Yeah, he’s not going to say.
“Just because… I wanted you next to me.” The way he says it makes it sound so simple and true, but your heart drops to your stomach and springs back up going at 100 miles per hour. You can barely stop your hand from shaking as you pick up your brush, and it’s almost like you can’t see in front of you from the thrill of his words.
“Hey,” Renjun suddenly drops his pencil and turns to you, looking a bit confused and slightly upset, “Didn’t you ask three questions?”
“We’re letting the Lees win again today.” Renjun is in the middle of pulling up the zipper of his jacket when his father drops the news. Renjun’s footsteps stutter slightly at his father’s words and he stops walking next to the older man.
“Again?” He asks as he already thinks up an apology to tell you later when he loses.
“Yes, I need Mr. Lee to be happy when I bring up the new contract to him later in the sauna.” Renjun sighs and continues to walk next to his father. It’s the next weekend, and the third Lee vs. Huang game is starting in just a few minutes.
Renjun won’t lie, purposefully losing to his best friend and his dad every week is not the greatest stroke to Renjun’s ego, especially since Jeno won’t let it down around his other friends.
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Lijun swivels on his heel to look at his son, “Have you been requesting for ___ to be your caddie?”
The questions stuns Renjun, making it hard to answer so his father takes it as a yes.
“Well stop it. Dad wants to have some fun.” He claps a hand on Renjun’s back and smiles. In the past, Renjun would’ve just rolled his eyes and let his father do whatever he wants, but this time his blood boils. He feels true anger when his father struts away with the intentions of doing whatever he wants to someone Renjun cares about. He can barely move his feet after the old man, his mind cloudy as everyone makes it to the golf carts.
“Let’s have a good game today, Mr. Huang, don’t make it too easy to beat you.” Mr. Lee jokes around and the two old men laugh as they settle into their own golf carts. Renjun walks up to his cart and you wave to him, the white gloves he gave you last week snugly on your hands. Renjun thinks his anger is what spurs him into doing what he does next.
He steps close to you, leaning into your ear and wrapping his hand around your covered ones with his thumb rubbing on your exposed wrist, “Keep these on for me, babe. I don’t want you to be cold.”
The amount of jaws that drops after Renjun’s words makes him bite down his smirk and slide into the front seat of the golf cart, pretending to not see the daggers his father is throwing at him with his eyes.
Your heart beats so quickly and loudly you’re sure Kara can hear it next to you if she wasn’t busy huffing about what Renjun just did. Sitting in the back seat of the golf cart, you watch the back of Renjun’s head on the way to the first hole. What got into Renjun? Why did he all of a sudden call you ‘babe’ and get so close? Not that you’re opposed to it, you’re just shocked.
The game begins once you reach the first hole, and the Huang’s put up a good fight throughout the entire game, keeping the Lees on their toes and the score sheet even. Everytime Renjun comes back from a shot, you smile at him and tell him good job, which earns you a pat on the back from him that warms you up from the inside out.
Renjun can tell his father is getting more and more annoyed with him; how Renjun is keeping you as far from his father as he possibly can, the gentle touches on your waist that you welcome wholeheartedly compared to the ones Mr. Huang would lay on you before. He likes how angry his father gets, especially knowing that he can’t do anything about it right now. Not to mention, you seem to be enjoying Renjun’s attention, which just adds to his confidence.
Now, your group arrives at the last hole of the game. The Lees step up and swing, setting their total score to 357. All Renjun and his father have to do is move the ball around a bit more to get their score to be higher and the Lees will win the game. Mr. Huang is up first, acting clumsy so that the ball doesn’t make it into the hole and brings the game to Renjun.
As he sets up his posture, his hands suddenly go stiff. This shot is so easy to make, he has made this exact hole several times. He breathes in and out deeply, deciding on if he should throw the game like his father said he should, or give his one last ‘fuck you’ to his Dad.
He glances at you and makes eye contact; you nod your head and smile a bit as if to say ‘go ahead, we all know you can do this.’ Renjun then grips his golf club and swings it back to effortlessly hit the golf ball, rolling it along the green and perfectly into the hole.
You and the other caddies clap for the perfectly executed shot and Jeno and his father come up to Renjun to shake hands. They don’t look upset, instead they look pretty happy for Renjun. However, Renjun’s father is deathly silent, not even congratulating Renjun on his win. Renjun wasn’t expecting a whole ceremony for him, but it does feel nice to put his father down a peg or two today, and that’s the thought that fills Renjun’s head as everyone rides back to the country club.
While getting out of the golf cart, Renjun attempts to turn back to you but is promptly pulled away by the back of his jacket by his father. Renjun yelps and pulls away, but that doesn’t stop Lijun from grabbing onto his son’s arm instead and pulling him inside.
“What was that? I specifically told you to lose the game and you did the exact opposite. How am I supposed to talk to Mr. Lee now?” Renjun’s father fumes, his low voice belting out into the corridor and making some of the passing staff turn their heads.
“That’s not my problem.” Renjun shrugs and his father stops shaking, stepping closer to his son.
“Excuse me?” He asks with menace dripping from his tongue.
“I said, that’s not my problem.” Renjun is fired up. He doesn’t see a way out of this now, no way his behavior is being excused, so might as well go all in.
“You did it for that caddie, ___, right?” His father squints his eyes and turns his head slightly. When Renjun doesn’t answer, Lijun laughs in his face, “It looks like I’m right.”
“What?” Renjun asks dumbly.
“It’s okay. You’re just a boy and you can make some mistakes over a girl, we’ve all been there once or twice.” Lijun fixes Renjun’s jacket and pats his shoulder, his angry disposition turning passive. “Besides, you can’t do much for that girl anyway. Is a ball in a hole really all she deserves?”
“I won the game because I could. I won it because that’s what I wanted.” Renjun states, his blood beginning to boil once again when his father says he doesn’t deserve you. What is he thinking? Does he actually think he has a chance with you? He can keep dreaming.
“We can’t always do whatever we want. There are consequences we have to face for doing whatever we want. Are you ready to face the consequences?” At the question, Renjun is reminded about the words you told him Wednesday night.
‘Just do what makes you happy,’ Those simple words are so hard to turn into reality. Renjun wants to be happy so bad. He wants to be away from this man and he wants to be closer to you. The consequences? Sure, he’ll deal with it all if it means he can stop living in the personal hell his father set up for him. Renjun pushes his father away a bit and steps out of the trap his father pushed him into, making Lijun’s eyes widen.
“Yeah, I’m ready.” Renjun says and turns around, walking back towards the exit of the building.
“Hey, where are you going?” His father shouts after him.
“To do the thing that I want to do the most.” He yells back and walks around the corner, out of sight from his father. Renjun practically runs through the hallways to get back outside and run to you, but you surprise him by greeting him by the saunas. He stops in his steps and you smile as you walk up to him.
“Hey, I just wanted to tell you that you did really well today. I know I said I wanted you to win last week, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” You laugh.
“Thanks.” Renjun simply says, afraid of what else could come out if he keeps talking.
“Oh, I also want to give you these back.” You dig out Renjun’s gloves from your pocket, holding them out. This is it. This is the moment Renjun will start to do whatever makes him happy, whatever he wants.
And what he wants right now is you.
He quickly takes the gloves and then tightly grips the wrist of your outstretched hand, leading you down the hallway and around some corner. He hears you exclaim a small ‘woah’ but you let him guide you into a sauna, the door closing tightly behind both of you.
There’s no one else in the room, just the stuffy steam that floats in the small space between you two. Renjun has a tight grip on the gloves you gave back to him and his other hand runs through his hair and messes up the perfect form it held.
“Tell me to stop.” He demands, looking straight into your eyes.
“What?”
“Tell me to stop right now.” He takes a step forward, his eyes full to the brim with lust and his hands shaking with how much he’s holding himself together. You’ve barely been in the room for a minute, but your clothes are already sticking to you from the intense heat.
“I don’t understand,” You reply back as he keeps moving toward you. You take small steps back in return, “I don’t know what I’m stopping you from.” Half of you is playing dumb right now; you know what Renjun wants from you just by the look in his eyes. The other half just wants to hear him say it himself
“I’ll fuck you the way you deserve. Right here, right now.” Renjun’s voice is too angelic to say such nasty words, but he growls them out like he’s a tainted angel. You’re pressed against the wooden wall of the sauna now, Renjun just a step away. You lean into him slightly and rip the gloves out of his hand to throw them to the side.
“Do it.”
It’s all the permission Renjun needs to feverishly connect his lips to yours.
The action is so sudden, you don’t remember how Renjun got close to you so quickly. Despite his forcefulness before, his lips melt into you like chocolate melting over a fire, so hot and delicious that you just want more. His hands hold the sides of your face, pushing back your hair and his body pushing you back into the wall.
He sucks on your bottom lip, softly biting afterwards and making you let out a whimper, and then a moan when his thigh pushes between your legs and further presses you against the wall. Amidst the kissing, you find the zipper of his expensive jacket, unzip it, and pull the piece of clothing off. Afterwards, you pull his shirt off and break the kiss while you’re at it.
“I’ve been thinking about you in this skirt since….” Renjun hums at the thought, his hand sliding up your bare thighs and under your skirt, then he grips your ass and brings your core down onto his thigh, the friction enough to have you letting out a strangled moan.
“Since the day I first saw you.” He finally whispers and connects your lips once again. His hand on your ass doesn’t move, his other hand is placed on your waist as he helps you ride the rough material of his pants. Renjun can only watch your reactions; the way your head lolls back into the wall and your eyes screw shut, holding onto Renjun’s shoulders tight enough he’s sure there will be marks afterwards.
“Fuck— Renjun, don’t stop, please.” He’s mesmerized, absolutely addicted to how you look and sound right now, and it’s all because of him. The thought spurs him along, he removes your jacket and you blindly help him in removing your top and bra. You must look like a mess right now, especially since you’re coming close to your climax just by Renjun’s touch and his thigh. Not to mention the sweat dripping down both of you, a glistening sheen coating your skin that makes Renjun let out a low growl before he leans down and takes one of your nipples in his mouth.
He sucks and swirls his tongue, and you can’t help but moan his name again, digging your fingers into his blonde hair and tugging. Renjun moves from your chest downward, not letting an inch of your stomach and hips go past him without a kiss and a nibble, leaving you breathing heavily. He makes his way down to his knees and folds your skirt up, glancing at you from his position.
“You don’t wear anything under here except your panties?” You nod, your head stuttering as Renjun applies pressure with his thumb over your slick hole, a wet spot already there to greet him.
“You’re so fucking dirty, baby.” He groans and leans in to swipe his tongue over your center making you shake as a response. He slides your underwear down and throws it somewhere to the side, catching the sigh of your arousal dripping down your thigh. His intense stare makes you shake him, embarrassment crawling over you at how he’s not reacting.
“Are you shy?” You whine, not really answering his question. “You don’t need to be. You’re beautiful.” The softness from his voice contradicts his more dominating tone from before, but you don’t have time to think about it before he dives in. You sigh in content when the pressure in between your hips caused by Renjun turns into pure pleasure. His tongue laps at your essence and his lips suck on your clit, you can tell he’s trying to find what exactly will make you tick.
When Renjun slides a finger into your hole unexpectedly, you jump and whimper a bit but the feeling of him sliding in and out along with his tongue circling and sucking on your clit makes a knot form in the pit of your stomach, tightening up your muscles and making your eyes roll back.
“Right there. Oh my god, right there…” You keep repeating, praying that Renjun treats you good and let’s you come. He adds another finger and you gasp, starting to move your hips in rhythm to his hand, holding onto his shoulders for more stability. He glances up at you, watching your eyes screw shut and your tits bounce as you use his hand to get yourself off. Renjun hums against you, and you can almost feel the ecstasy of coming undone, until Renjun pulls away. You groan, feeling like crying when your orgasm fades.
“Hey..” You whine, pouting when Renjun stands back up and licks your juices off of his lips. He has some on his chin and you bring your hand up to wipe it away, Renjun stopping your hand and kissing the wetness away, then kissing up your arm and to your shoulder, up your neck and to your ear. He tugs at your earlobe, licking the skin under it and biting some more, his hands sliding up your waist at playing with your nipples, pinching a little to get whimpers out of you and making your hips buck up, ready to continue where Renjun left you at.
That’s when you feel the hardness in his pants; it must be painful. That’s why you understand his next words, whispered into the shell of your ear between kisses: “You’re not coming until I’m in you, got it?”
You nod quickly, attaching your hands to Renjun’s zipper and button, undoing them and sliding down his pants.
“But, you’re gonna need to do something for me…” He says, helping you pull down his boxers, watching his angry, red length swing out. You gasp, feeling a bit bad that you just left Renjun like this to eat you out, but you’re sure you can make up to him now.
“What is it? I’ll do it.” Your hands run over Renjun’s sweaty shoulders, moving away some longer hair in the back of his head that’s sticking against his neck.
“You’re gonna have to yell my name. I need you to let everyone know who’s doing this to you— who’s making you feel good, okay?” Your breath gets caught in your throat as the words tumble out of his lips. He tilts his voice higher at the end of every phrase to make him sound innocent, but you’re not fooled.
“There’s people outside…” You mumble back, sending a glance at the door. You know there are several staff and customers walking along the hallways outside. What will they think if they hear you screaming Renjun’s name? Not to talk about what will happen to your job.
Those thoughts melt away when Renjun’s dick slides between your folds slowly, making you turn your gaze back to him and hold on tight as he lubricates himself over your wetness, holding onto your hips so that you don’t move and take anymore than what he’s giving you.
“That’s exactly why I want you to scream. Can you do that for me?” He asks and you nod frantically, doing almost anything to get his dick inside you. You’re not sure what’s going to happen once you step out of this room, but at least you know Renjun is going to give you the best fuck you’ve had in a while, and you know it’ll be worth it for what’s to come after all this.
“Finally…” You moan when Renjun’s length disappears into you inch by inch, going slow as to not hurt you. He sucks in a breath through his teeth as he bottoms out, picking up your thigh to hang it over his hip and wrapping his other arm around your waist to keep you close. You hold onto him, adjusting as he kisses your lips sweetly and carefully, and waits to move his throbbing cock through your velvety walls.
“Go, Renjun, move….” You whisper, and he looks at you confused.
“What was that? I didn’t hear you.” He asks, cocking his head.
“Please, move.” You say louder, but he shakes his head and purses his lips as if he still can’t understand.
“I said, fuck me, Renjun. Please, can you fuck me already?” You all but scream out, your voice almost cracking at how whiny you sound. No doubt, if someone passed by outside they would’ve heard you. The thought makes you tense up, but it feels so good to be able to yell out what you want.
“Your wish, baby.” Renjun mutters before he starts rocking into you. You both groan at the sensation, Renjun’s hips speeding up as he gains more momentum. His lips don’t leave yours, kissing you into oblivion while his dick stuffs you. He has you against the wall, his hips powering away and you don’t dare to disturb him, realizing he’s burning all of his anger away as well.
“Yes, Renjun, fuck me just like that…'' You moan loudly to spur him on, now not really caring about who’s outside or who hears you, just wanting Renjun to know you love how rough he’s going. He presses you higher up the wall and pulls your legs apart more, hitting a new angle that literally makes you scream out, tears mixing with the sweat on your face as he relentlessly pumps into you.
There are so many things going on at the same time. Your hard nipples and soft breasts rubbing against Renjun’s chest, making goosebumps rise on his arms. Your hot and sweaty bodies are basically sliding against each other. The clapping of his hips against yours no doubt attracts attention from outside along with your screams and Renjun’s grunts continuously get louder as you both get closer to the climax.
“I’m gonna come… Renjun, come in me…” You’re already fucked out, the words barely leaving your lips coherently, but Renjun understands and moves his finger down to find your clit, circling his thumb fast and steady, just like everything else he’s doing.
“C’mon come on my cock, babe. Let it out, I wanna hear it.” And just like that, you unwind and scream his name as your orgasm washes over and takes control, making you claw onto any part of Renjun that you can reach. Renjun feels your walls deliciously convulse around him and with a few more sloppy thrusts, he comes into you and fills you up, staying wrapped up in you as you both calm down.
Renjun presses small kisses wherever he feels like as your breathing settles down, his softness and the caring way he rubs at your sides and hips where he was holding so hard that you’re sure to have bruises makes you smile hazily.
“___… I don’t regret any of this.” He whispers into your skin, leaning back to look at you properly. “Do you?”
“No.” You answer truthfully, making his eyes shine and you both smile dumbly, your sticking bodies relaxing. The happy moment doesn’t last long before there’s a knock on the door to the sauna. You and Renjun stiffen up as you glance at the door, waiting for whoever it is to announce themselves.
“Renjun? Son?” Your heart drops to your stomach and you cover your mouth at the voice of Renjun’s father on the other side of the door, but when you turn to Renjun, he doesn’t seem bothered. He sends a smile at you and moves some hair from your face before answering.
“Occupied, go somewhere else. We’re busy.”
#renjun#renjun fluff#nct dream au#nct smut#nct dream smut#huang renjun#renjun smut#nct fluff#nct dream fluff#renjun au#nct au#renjun x reader#nct dream#nct#renjun scenarios#renjun imagines#renjun fic#nct scenarios#nct imagines#nct fics#nct dream imagines#nct dream scenarios#nct dream fic#00 line#dreamies
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I've always wondered this, but what do you think the Cullen's political viewpoints would be, given their individual backgrounds? if vampires don't change after they turn, then surely they would all be extremely racist (especially Jasper). would this not come up at some point? they aren't like the Volturi because the Volturi are too old to care, but the Cullens are young enough that they have been brought up with opinions on stuff like sexism, racism, homophobia and the like.
Oh fuck.
You get an early answer because otherwise I'll just chicken out and delete this one, pretend I never saw it.
UMMM.
Since I'm guessing you meant American political viewpoints, we need a disclaimer. I am not American, and not too knowledgeable about your politics. Not just in the sense that I don't follow the day-to-day drama, but as I am not an American citizen there are several things I don't know, can't know because I've never lived in your country and therefore can't know what the effects of living in a country ruled by American policies is like. What I do know is based off of the news in the foreign section, social media (by which I mean tumblr posts), and Trevor Noah's Daily Show.
I am an outsider looking in.
Which is really rather appropriate, since the Cullens are too.
The Cullens go to high school and college, Carlisle works, they pay taxes, they own real estate, and submerge themselves in American culture. Esme, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and Bella are young enough that this is in many ways their world, and apart from timeouts they've more or less spent their entire lives, human and vampire, integrated into American society.
Not fully integrated, mind you, they do what they need to to fit in and get to school or, in Carlisle’s case, to work. They go no further. No extra-curriculars for the kids, no book clubs for Esme, no game nights for Carlisle. They walk parallel to humans, not among us.
In addition to this they're obscenely rich, which puts them another thousand miles from the experiences of your average American. They won't deal with the health system, which means healthcare is a non-issue, they're not going to need welfare or other social programs, unemployment is another non-issue. Name your issue, and the Cullens don't have personal stake in it. Even the climate crisis won't be a problem for them the way it will for us.
What I'm trying to say is, American political issues are a concept to them, not a lived reality. Just like they are for me. So hey, you made a great choice of blog to ask.
I'll also add here that you say the Volturi are too old to care, and I agree- from an ancient's point of view, racism is a matter of "which ethnicity are we hating today?", and it all looks rather arbitrary after a while. Same with every other issue - after a while it all just blends together into "what are the humans fighting over today? Which Christian denomination is the correct one? Huh. Good for them, I guess."
I can't put it any better than this post did, really. The Volturi are real people, humans are nerds and tumblr having Loki discourse. Aro thinks it's delightful and knows entirely too much about Watergate (and let's be real, Loki discourse as well), but the point I wanted to get at is that politics really don't matter to vampires.
And I don't think they matter to the Cullens either.
So, moving on to the next point while regretting I didn't put headlines in this post, I'll just state that I don't think vampires' minds are frozen. Their brains are unable to develop further, and they can never forget anything, but... well, this isn't the post for that, but in order for this to be true of vampires they would barely be sentient. They would not be able to process new impressions, to learn new things, nor to have an independent thought process. Yes, we see vampires in-universe (namely, Edward, who romanticizes himself and vampires) believe they're frozen and can never change, but there is no indication that this is a widespread belief, or even true. Quite the contrary - Carlisle went from a preacher's son who wanted to burn all the demons to living in Demon Capital for decades and then becoming a doctor and making a whole family of demons. Clearly, the guy has had a change in attitude over the years. Jasper, in his years as a newborn army general, slowly grew disenchanted with his life and developed depression. James initially meant to kill Victoria and hunted her across the earth, then became fascinated and changed his mind about it.
Had these people been incapable of change, Carlisle would still be hating demons, Jasper would be in Maria's army, and James would still be hunting Victoria.
It goes to follow, then, that they are able to adapt to new things.
The question is, would they?
Here I finally answer your question.
So, we have these people who don't really have any kind of stake in politics, who keep up to date all the same (or are forcibly kept up to date because high school) and are generally opinionated people.
Where do they then fall, politically?
(And this is where you might want to stop reading, anon, because I'm about to eviscerate these people.)
Alice votes for whoever's gonna win. She also makes a fortune off of betting each election. Trump's 1 to 10 victory in 2016 was a great day to be Alice. MAGA!
The actual policies involved are completely irrelevant, she does this because it's fun. Election means she gets to throw parties. Color coded parties for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and US-themed parties for Election Night! (Foreigner moment right here: I at first wrote "Election wake" before realizing that's not what y'all murricans call it.)
Alice loves politics. Doesn't know the issues, but she sure loves politics.
Bella votes Democrat. She actually knows about the issues, and cares about them. This girl is a Democrat through and through.
Carlisle doesn't vote. I can't imagine it feels right. Outside of faked papers he's not a US citizen, this is meddling in human affairs that he knows don't concern him.
More, this guy has never lived in a democracy.
In life, Carlisle lived under an absolute monarchy that, upon civil war, became an absolute theocracy. From there he learned that vampires live under a total dictatorship.
For the first 150 years of his life, democracy was that funky thing the Athenians did in history books thousands of years ago, no more relevant to him than the Ancient Egyptian monarchy is to me. Then the Americans, and later other European countries started doing this.
Good for them.
There's this mistake often made by those who view history from a... for lack of a better term, a solipsistic standpoint. A belief that the present day is the culmination of all of history. “My society is the best society, the most reasonable society; all the others had it backwards. Thank god we’re living in this enlightened age!”
The faith in our current system of government is one such belief. We (pardon me if this doesn’t apply to everybody reading this post) have grown up in democracies, being told this is the ultimate form of rule, and perhaps that is true - but remember the kings who have told their subjects they had were divine and the best possible ruler based on that. Remember also that most modern democracies haven’t actually been democracies for very long at all, America is the longest standing at some 230 years (not long at all in the grand scope of things) and they have a fracturing two-party system to show for it.
Every society, ever, has been told they’re the greatest, and their system of government the most just. Democracy is only the latest hit.
This is relevant to Carlisle because he’s immortal and decidedly not modern. Democracy has not been installed in him the way it was the rest of the Cullens, Jasper included. To him- well, it’s just not his world. He has no stakes in our human politics, and as he is older than every current democracy and has seen quite a few of them fall, he’s not going to internalize the democratic form of rule the way a modern human has.
I think the concept of voting is foreign to him.
It requires a level of participation in human society that he’s simply not at. He does the bare minimum to appear human so he do the work he loves, but nothing more, and I find that telling.
As it is I think he'd be iffy about his family doing it. He won’t stop them, but in voting they’re... well it’s kind of cheating. They’re not really citizens, none of this will affect them, and by voting they’re drowning out the votes of real human voters. He does not approve.
Edward votes Democrat. He's... well he’s the kind of guy who will oil a girl’s bedroom window so he can more easily watch her sleep without being discovered, justifying it to himself as being okay because if she were to tell him to get lost he’d stop immediately. Same guy is so sure that he’d leave and never return again if she wanted him to, except this is the man who returned to Forks to hang around his singer, knowing there was a significant chance he might kill her. To say nothing of his Madonna/Whore complex, or of the fact that he tried to pimp out his wife twice, and was willing to forcibly abort her child.
This guy is very much in love with chivalry, with being an enlightened and feminist man who supports and respects women, while not understanding the entire point of feminism, which is female liberation.
He votes Democrat because he’s such an enlightened feminist who cares about women’s rights.
Emmett doesn’t care to vote, but if he has to he votes Republican. The guy is from the 1930′s, and has major would-be-the-uncle-who-cracks-racist-jokes-if-he-was-older vibes.
Esme doesn’t vote, that would require getting out of the house.
More, I just... can’t see it. I can’t see her being one to read up on politics and The Issues, period, but if she has to then I doubt she’d be able to decide.
Jasper doesn’t vote. Alice can have her fun, he does not care.
There’s also the whole can of worms regarding the last time he went to bat for American politics.
I imagine he stays out of this.
Renesmée doesn't vote. She has no stock in the human affairs. Who would she vote for, on what grounds? When Bella tries to pull her to the urns, she points out that she's three years old.
Rosalie, guys, I’m sorry, but that girl is definitely gonna vote Republican. Perhaps not right now as it’s become the Trump party of insanity, but the Mitt Romney type of Republicans? Oh yes.
And for the record, yes I imagine she does vote. To step back from politics would be another way she was relinquishing her humanity, and that’s not allowed to happen. So, yes, she goes to the urns, less for the sake of the politics involved and more because like this, she’s still a part of society in some way.
Now, onto why I think she’s Republican, I think it’s both fiscal and social.
This girl was the daughter of a banker who somehow profited off of the Depression, and who then became part of a family with no material needs that would soon become billionaires thanks to Alice. Poverty to Rosalie is a non-issue, as it is I imagine she views it as a much lesser issue than what she’s had to deal with. The humans can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, Rosalie’s infertility is forever.
Rosalie’s empathy is strongest when she’s able to project onto others, and she won’t be able to project onto the less fortunate at all.
Then there’s the fact that the Republican party is all about traditional family values, and pro-life.
Rosalie, a woman from the 1930′s who idolizes her human life and who‘d love nothing more than to get to live out this fantasy, is down for that. And as of Breaking Dawn she’s vocally pro-life, so there’s that.
This all being said I don’t think Rosalie cares to sit down and fully understand these politics she’s voting for, the possible impact they’ll have- that’s not important. What’s important is what voting does for her.
TL;DR: I bet anon regrets asking.
#long post#twilight#twilight vampires#twilight meta#twilight renaissance#politics#history#twilight history#carlisle cullen#alice cullen#bella swan#renesmée cullen#jasper hale#rosalie hale#emmett cullen
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