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confusedcanaries · 10 months

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Numbers! most of them are just sort of there

0 - 10/10 number, very useful, helps proving uniqueness, nicely splits the number line, breaks division which is very fun, additive identity

1 - 7/10 number, kinda the default, multiplicative identity, the induction engine

2 - 9/10 number, for all your actually a number needs, root-s nicely, 2+2=2*2=2^2 (chef's kiss), the only even prime, binary is hella funky (just to be clear though, this whole post is written in base-(# months from January to October inclusive))

3 - 6/10 number, sorta ok I guess, triangles are cool but this isn't a triangle just a triangle number, the other useful root, prime

4 to 10 - 5/10 numbers, sort of on a par with 3 but I might need to start using a calculator and beginning to get same-y.

Notable exceptions: 6=1+2+3=1*2*3 and 7 is just cool

>10 - 3/10 numbers, nothing really stands out here, I will get some slight anxiety if you ask me to do adding or multiplication with these without a calculator, just use induction at this point, this is not the sort of maths I chose maths to do.

The numbers you need complicated power series to reach or are defined ito functions - 10/10 numbers, fantastically unhelpful, really cool because these might as well be infinity and my brain can't cope (For Example: graham's number, googol, Tree(3), 52!)

-1 - 0/10 number (more like hellspawn), to say this is a number and not an inherently evil sentient object is false, hides itself in a minus sign, its entire purpose is to cause sign errors and make real analysis harder

Fractions - 7/10 numbers, rational is the new sexy, much better than decimals, somehow still a countable set despite being thicc in the reals (I know the term is dense but it's 1:30 in the morning, cut me some slack)

Irrationals - 5*sqrt(2)/10 numbers, slightly cooler and more mysterious than fractions, knows the uncomputable and normal numbers but won't tell you their addresses as you're just not cool enough

Mathematical constants - 6/10 numbers, useful but kinda like 3 in that they're a little boring. Some Exciting Constants: φ, Euler's Constant (γ), lemniscate constant (ϖ). Fun fact: e has a really cool continued fraction representation

Infinity - 11/10 concepts, maybe numbers - maybe not, so cool they deserve an illogical rating, gotta love the ordinals, countability is soooooooooo freaking cool (check out cantor's diagonalisation proof), I'm counting infinitesimal numbers as well here, also, the convention for just calling infinity one number for the complex numbers is hecking amazing

i - 7/10 number - very cool, philosophically taxing, the incredible original to the quaternions' disappointing sequel (maybe I'll change my mind when i actually learn about quaternions), geometry and rotation are now part of numbers! , makes differentiation so much more awesome

#math #mathblr #maths #numbers #what if this was what was originally meant by number theory #0 and infinity are the best #negative numbers although useful are incredibly annoying #I have found a truly marvellous proof this tag is too small to contain that all the opinions found above are objectively the truth

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darby-rowe · 2 months

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girllll you should get bloodwork done to find the anxiety med that you will respond best to!❤️

i’m on effexor after my bloodwork was done and it’s a perfect match!!

cw medication talk

i’m on stimulants for my ADHD so that’s mainly the reason why my anxiety is soooooooooo bad rn. they work super well for me and help me stay on task but when they wear off i experience the worst drop in mood and start feeling deep senses of dread and despair. so essentially they give me panic attacks :^)

“but dally, if ur adhd meds make u feel like shit, stop taking them!!” bro i literally cannot go off of my meds bc they’re literally the only things that keep me on task. as soon as i get off of them, im useless to the world. 😭

i was on ativan and that helped. but when i stopped taking my stimulants, i wasnt experiencing these horrible panic attacks so i had no use for them.

but now im back on stimulants and……… woof………

sorry for the not-so fun lore drop i hate my brain and i wish i was normal

#🧸; dally speaks #cw medication

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divine-misfortune · 7 months

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you have written so many things that have turned my brain to mush you expect me to be able to choose one!??!?!? any of your narcissus Rain stuff is soooooooooo (insert teeth emoji you know the one) OH ALSO THE T4T RAINDROP OVI????? YEAH. THAT. AHAHAHA SO NORMAL ABT THAT STILL.

Narcissus Rain is entirely your fault you set me off that one day about him and I haven't been the same since, you do this!!!

But ooooh I haven't thought about that ovi raindrop fic in a WHILE i forgot about it.....oooooooh yeah okay that's back on the brain now thanks for that 🥴

#void thoughts #answered

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dulcesiabits · 6 months

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hihi this is the anon who sent the ask that you answered like an hour ago I'M BACK FOR ROUND TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i spent the entirety of my english class thinking about how lame reo is instead of working on my food justice essay hahahahaha. how horrible this silly little rich kid lives rent free in my head >:[

but ougugufufuuhghoougughhh reader and reo were SO cute how could i NOT rotate them around in my brain instead of looking for peer reviewed sources!! theyre soooooooooo precious 🥹 they're everything to me!!! i dont think i've considered it til now but the filthy rich billionaire spoiled brat x Normalest Person Ever trope has me in a chokehold... reo can just be a normal boy with the reader (until he joins blue lock and gets subjected to.... um. that) they can go on normal people dates!! they can go duck feeding or whatever :')

i love how reader refuses to let reo pay HAHHAHA its a sweet gesture considering how they are so NOT rich but also its a very asian thing LOL (i say this being asian myself) in my head im envisioning them eating at a restaurant or whatever .... and when the bill comes they start fighting over it and they just get the crazy egoist eyes and they start dropping those insane insults like whatever isagi is spewing

i have once been burnt by the hands of wife guys but i will trust reo . just this once. a wifeguy reo is such a terrifying thought like nagi was bad enough. how bad does will it get when reo is not limited by the confines of the narrative and it is a little more socially acceptable for him to display his affections. especially more terrifying when reader seems to enjoy tormenting their siblings at any cost ..... god theyre so cute. im fucking insane. clutches head aaaauauauuaagghh tumblr why cant i submit images anonymously (i know why LOL just complaining) i want to draw them sooo bad....

ALSO ALSO aggggghhhhh your prose is SO good!! i am not nearly eloquent to express my thoughts but your writing is so good and tasty!!!! i eated it. if dulcesiabits has one million fans, im one of them. if dulcesiabits has five fans, im one of them. if dulcesiabits has one fan, that's me. if dulcesiabits has no fans, i am no longer alive. if the world is against dulcesiabits, i am against the world... only user dulcesiabits will have me jumping out of my seat hollering .......

(referencing this fic and this ask)

Welcome back anon!!!! Reo is super cute but please don't forget to work on your classwork too! (I also used to spend a lot of time in class daydreaming about fictional characters so maybe I shouldn't talk, haha)!

Rich guy x normal guy is such a fun trope, I agree!! It's about the contrast... the differing life experiences... I just know Reo is enamored with the concept of instant noodles and similar things!! Gets a real kick out of them and reader is like "WHY." It would be really cute if reader and Reo went on dates to feed animals or to the aquarium or to the zoo actually!!! Reo is the sort of guy to be like "they look like you" and point to a cute rabbit and reader points to. like. an insect or some weird looking fish and goes "they look like you <3"

SHAKES YOUR HAND!! the Asian fight for the bill is so real. I do it all the time with my friends LOL. Reader might joke about how nice it is to have a rich boyfriend, but they also don't want to take advantage of him (or for him to believe they only like him for his cash). I know Reo and reader are scaring everyone else in the restaurant when they argue over the bill.... they have the crazy auras as well as the eyes and start saying things like "your failure against me was decided when you were born" and when they finally agree to split the check, they go back to being cute and in love and it gives everyone whiplash....

Reo is just built different!! I just think he has few people he can genuinely cherish, so he clings very tightly to the ones he can! 100% would give reader the moon if they asked for it!! Nothing is off limits!! His ego is just to spoil his partner fr.... I just think he likes taking care of others (to the point where he will make a ten year plan of your life together) because it's the only way he's been taught how affection works. btw, if you ever end up drawing them, I'd love to see!!! I'm sure you'd draw them super cute <3

ANON UR SO SWEET FOR THIS!!! <3 I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOY MY WRITING!! If no one else has my back, I know anon has my back!!!! If ur my fan, then I'm ur fan as well!!! <3

#liya answers #this was a really cute ask!! thank u anon haha #i was happy to hear from you again! take care of yourself!

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joshriku · 8 months

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Hi!!! I love cherik and so my amazing friend told me to check your recs and I read someplace that is green by mugsandpugs and I am wrecked ): I really should have read your warning about that. It captures Evo dynamics so wonderfully and I am really hit by angst train so bad. ugh. But thank you so much for the rec..now I need to just cry🥲

HIIIIIII I KNOW THAT FIC IS SOOOOOOOOOO *SCREAMING* GENUINELY I CAN BARELY RE-READ IT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SO CRAZY. IT'S SO CRAZY. erik's character writing in this is possibly my favorite thing in the world i am so (coughin gblood) (blood spilling all over my hands too) the? erik's nightmares? the way they bonded with the people near them before they inevitably wreck it? the scene where the mom lifts erik's sleeve and she remarks how old he is? AHGHJKDFLoooh my god the scene where the kettle falls and his first immediate thought is to call out for wanda.... ITS ALL SO PAINFUL...... erik's treatment of the twins in evolution is arguably one of the worst ones adapted bc he's just. oou. not good to them. but the way this fic breaks it down and realistically crafts so much rejection and regret and redemption... DIES.

AND THIS SCENE???

FUCKED UP AND EVIL LEGITIMATELY SO FUCKED UP AND EVIL i think about it every fucking second of my life. why woudl they write this? why would they write somethign that would break my heart like this??? i still haven't left a comment because i dont even know where to begin but i figure i should just link them this ask rn and so they see . that my brain chemistry was altered forever. OUUU. OUUUUU THEY CALLED THE MANSION AND HE TRIED TO TALK TO WANDA BUT IT DIDNT WORK OUGHHHHH HE SENT THEM MONEY AHGJOohg im going to die. Im so normal. anyuway! im glad you enjoyed!!! it's really the best fic ever and im glad you and your friend enjoyed the recs :]

link to Someplace that is green if anyone wants it

#asks #uughgjhAUUUGH.. SOMEPLACE THAT IS GREEN MY BELOVED

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the-girl-who-didnt-smile · 1 month

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The Loa Civil War

The Loa Civil War is the funnest shit EVER to me!! It’s soooooooooo much fun to think about this!! I think about this all the time.

My goddamn deviantArt OCs are really just living in my brain rent-free and partying it up in there.

Anyways, let’s discuss the Loa Civil War.

The Loa Civil War is literally an impossible scenario because when Bondye was cooking them up, he built into them a condition that they like making jazz together too much to do battle with each other. This is why they are a jazz band. Bondye knew that if there was even the smallest chance that could pick a fight with each other, it is only a matter of time before SADISM INCARNATE and MISCHIEF INCARNATE start beefing over who gets the remote, and they blow up the entire fucking multiverse! I don’t know about you guys, but I think having to recreate the multiverse would be a real pain in the ass. Bondye does not want to go through that trouble, that’s why the gods are a jazz band.

The Loa Civil War is still endlessly fun to think about. It’s so good because I genuinely think there is a nonzero chance that any one of the Loa gets the W.

This is the Loa Civil War:

Big Papa claps his hands three times or winks once. Everything - and I mean everything - that was ever put into fiction is dead. There are only five boys left standing: Jazzman Santy Claus, Scary Skeleton Man, His Hot Ass Wife, Mother Mary, and a fucking snake. They’re just floating out in a huge void, and then start throwin hands.

The human forms they take are just magic avatars. Normally, they take zero damage if you target that, but I think it’s soooooooo much funnier if one god can hurt another god by targeting its avatar. You literally just see Santy Claus throwin hands with Mother Mary, and they’re blowing up the multiverse doing it.

So let’s get down their battle stats:

ATTACK: Damballah < Erzulie Dantor < Big Papa < The Baron-Maman Dyad

SPEED: Erzulie Dantor < The Baron-Maman Dyad = Big Papa < Damballah

BATTLE IQ: Damballah < The Baron-Maman Dyad < Big Papa < Erzulie Dantor

DEFENSE: Damballah < Erzulie Dantor < Big Papa < The Baron-Maman Dyad

RUTHLESSNESS: Damballah <<< Erzulie Dantor = Big Papa < The Baron-Maman Dyad

If you were curious, here’s the same with the Baron by himself:

ATTACK: Damballah < Erzulie Dantor < Big Papa < The Baron

SPEED: Erzulie Dantor < The Baron = Big Papa < Damballah

BATTLE IQ: Damballah < The Baron < Big Papa < Erzulie Dantor

DEFENSE: Damballah < Erzulie Dantor < The Baron < Big Papa

RUTHLESSNESS: Damballah <<< Erzulie Dantor = Big Papa < The Baron

And here is berserk mode Baron:

ATTACK: Damballah < Erzulie Dantor < Big Papa <<< Berserk Mode Baron

SPEED: Erzulie Dantor < Big Papa < Damballah = Berserk Mode Baron

BATTLE IQ: Berserk Mode Baron <<< Damballah < Big Papa < Erzulie Dantor

DEFENSE: Damballah < Erzulie Dantor < Berserk Mode Baron < Big Papa

RUTHLESSNESS: Damballah <<< Erzulie Dantor = Big Papa <<< Berserk Mode Baron

This is so dumb that there’s only five stats. I didn’t include nearly enough stats.

My favorite thing of all is the scenario when Damballah takes the W. The weakest of the Loa is the only one left standing.

I really believe there is a nonzero probability that any one of these guys takes the W. So obviously, I think the Baron-Maman dyad takes the W most of the time, Big Papa is a close second, insanely enough Erzulie can actually win too (she maims Big Papa and the Baron at the start of the fight, those two literally take until the end of time until only one of them is left standing, whoever is left is weaker than they were before, she kills his ass with her daggers) (this is still very improbable, most of the time she gets clapped by whoever’s still alive)

But yeah, even Damballah can win! This is how he wins: He just slithers away super fast at the beginning of the fight and hides in some secluded part of the multiverse. The only one with high enough Battle IQ who would think to kill his ass is Erzulie. But she’s not going to waste her time, because she knows she low-diffs him, and she doesn’t have to worried about getting maimed. But those other two monsters - the most busted and second most busted thing ever - actually do have to worry about getting maimed. It is very probable that Big Papa or the Baron or both kill Erzulie during The Loa Civil War, at any point during the war and possibly very early in it too. But as I explained before, if Erzulie dies her daggers continue to move along a straight path in whatever direction she set them to before she died. Normally, postmortem daggers are easy for the two most busted things in all of existence to dodge, because they just move along straight paths. But those guys are throwin hands, they can't focus any of their magic on dodging the daggers. They are so neck-and-neck, they have to focus all their magic on just fighting each other. They duke it out literally until the end of time, and Erzulie has INSANE Battle IQ! She fired an unfathomable amount of these daggers before she died. Literally, n=INFINITY-1. Mr. Sadism and Mr. Mischief both get maimed as all fuck if the Loa Civil War breaks out. The Baron doesn’t have high enough Battle IQ to even think about Damballah. Big Papa has high enough Battle IQ to think about Damballah, but he can’t waste any of his magic pursuing that guy. Again, he is so neck-and-neck with the Baron-Maman Dyad that he has to focus all his magic on them, or he’s going to die. At the end of time, only Big Papa or the Baron-Maman Dyad is left standing. But whoever is left got maimed by Erzulie. They are weaker than they were at the start of the fight. In fact, they are weak enough for Damballah to slither out from where he was hiding and kill their ass with his absurd speed. They just too maimed and slow to hit him or escape him. Damballah takes the W.

The weakest of all the gods is the only one left standing.

This is just endlessly fun to think about.

I would watch multiple seasons of anime about the Loa Civil War.

#hazbin hotel ocs #the loa (hazbin hotel)#I am completely insane. I love my OCs so much brok #I really can't decide whether I want these guys to keep making CRAZY good jazz albums or if I want them to do battle and blow up the entire #multiverse #this is what happens when GODS do battle #if Big Papa dies he totally goes out with a smile #he's just the original progenitor of the D. clan

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icefire149 · 3 years

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30 and destiel?

Hi Sam! Thank you soooooooooo much for this one. This was incredibly fun to write. It ended up a bit longer than I planned, but I hope you enjoy it <3

#30 - Too quick, mumbled into your scarf

“Dean, you really should come inside. It’s too cold.” Cas stopped at the nose of the impala. He rested a light hand right above the driver’s side headlight.

Sighing, Dean turned his attention away from the night sky. He’d been leaning against baby’s door for a while, watching the clouds roll in. “That’s a bold statement from someone who doesn’t get cold.”

Cas rolled his shoulders back a bit, standing up straighter. His head tilted questioningly. “I still remember vividly what being too cold felt like.”

Dean visibly winced at that. “Okay.” He raised his hands in surrender, but his fingers felt wrong.

“What’s wrong?” Cas closed the distance between them. His eyebrows pinched together.

“Nothing, just got too cold….I think.”

He wrapped his hands around Dean’s. “Hence, why I suggested you come inside in the first place.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean rolled his eyes with a huff. He could feel Cas’ grace flowing through every atom of his being, shielding him from the cold. “You’re always right. Thanks mom.”

Exasperated, Cas shook his head, but he pulled their hands an inch closer. He gently turned Dean’s hands over like he was inspecting every cell of skin. A soft smile tugged at the corners of Cas’ lips. “Jokes aside, much like your mother I did build this body with my own….well, more than two hands, but you get my point.”

Dean curiously leaned forward. “Dude, how many hands do angels normally have?”

“That’s not important.” Cas lowered their hands so they rested at their sides, but he still didn’t let go. He gave Dean’s hands a squeeze instead. “My point is that it would be a shame to ruin my hard work with frostbite.”

And then, Cas withdrew his hands and the chill of the autumn night flooded into Dean’s bones like a broken dam. His brain felt momentarily scrambled, but he wasn’t sure if it was from Cas’ words or the absence of his touch. Before he knew it, Dean was ushered inside the motel room.

The lock clicked behind them and Jack sat up. He’d been laying in the center of the bed farthest from the door. “Sam called. He said that him and Eileen are aiming to meet us tomorrow if the weather isn’t too bad. Did it start to snow yet?”

“No,” Dean shook his head disappointed. “Soon though. I could feel it in the air.”

“I’m surprised you could feel anything at all,” Cas mumbled while he crossed the room to sit on the corner of Jack’s bed.

“Enough already.” Dean kicked off his boots and flopped onto the other bed in their double. He knew that he needed a shower to ideally warm himself up, but for now this was nice. “How much snow do you think we’re gonna get?”

“I can look that up right now,” Jack answered eagerly. He reached for his phone on the nightstand.

“You don’t have to,” Dean said, staring up at the ugly, stained ceiling tile. “What’s your gut instinct? I’m thinking 3 or 4 inches. Nothing too much, but enough to blanket everything in white when we wake up.”

Jack put his phone down on his lap. “Oh, this is a game.” He turned to his dad. “Castiel, what do think?”

“I-uh, I don’t know.” He stood up and walked over to the window. Everything still looked the same, but he wouldn’t be shocked if it did start to snow any minute now. “I’m hoping it’ll be a dusting. Neither of you packed for snow.”

“Well ya win some and ya lose some. It happens, and besides Jack’s too much angel to let a little snow stop him.”

“Thanks,” Jack smiled. He picked his phone back up and laid back down on the bed.

Dean rolled to his side to face Cas. He raised an eyebrow. “See. No big deal.”

“You really should pack for these kinds of situations. At the very least you should keep some hats, gloves, and scarves in the trunk.”

A small chuckle escaped Dean. “No one’s bundled me up that much since...well, my mom.”

The volume of his voice lessened enough that Cas stepped forward and cautiously sat on the bed’s side. “Do you still remember much of it?”

Dean shook his head, and then rolled onto his back. He couldn’t look at Cas while he searched his memory. “I’m not even sure if it’s real….or a dream I latched onto as a kid.” His voice fell to a hushed tone.

“Tell me about it.”

“It’s not much.” Dean closed his eyes. Mostly he could see her smile. It was like she held their whole family’s supply of happiness in that smile. “I remember seeing so much white that I wasn’t sure if I could remember green anymore.”

There was a light chuckle above him. Dean cracked an eye open and caught the fond smile hooked on Cas’ face. The angel darted his gaze away, and Dean snapped his eyes shut again. His skin started prickling with heat.

“Mostly,” Dean continued after clearing his throat. “I remember her winding a big scarf around my neck and then my face. And then….how nice it was to keep my face hidden from the cold.”

“It was like she was wrapping you up in her love,” Jack mused out loud.

Dean’s whole body stiffened. Somehow he’d forgotten his presence. Slowly, he turned to peek over at Jack.

He wasn’t looking at anyone in particular. Jack’s eyebrows were furrowed. “I don’t have….I, um...do you think my mom would’ve done the same?”

Something tightened in Dean’s chest. It was hard to remember sometimes that Jack was still just a little kid. Hell, he was probably the same age as Dean in the memory he was recalling. His bottom lip twitched. “Yeah, kid. Of course.”

“Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean, wake up.”

He opened his eyes to see Jack staring out the motel window. “Whaaat?”

With a wide grin, Jack looked at him over his shoulder. “It snowed. Come look!”

Dean kicked the blanket off and pulled himself out of bed. Stiffly, he stopped next to Jack and saw the entire parking lot buried under a few inches of snow. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Do you think it’s enough to build a snowman?”

“No,” Dean rubbed at the back of his neck. He went back over to his bed and sat down. “I mean, maybe. Don’t know if it’s the right kind of snow.”

Jack turned to face him. He frowned.

“When we’re back at the bunker, you can build a whole army if you want. Okay?”

And just like that, Jack was beaming. He went back over to his side of the room and busied himself with his phone.

Dean glanced around the room. His head still felt fuzzy from sleeping. “Where’s Cas?”

“I don’t know,” Jack answered, not looking up from his phone. “He left a note saying to wait inside until he got back.”

Rolling his eyes, Dean got ready for the day. He was tying his boots when the motel door opened, letting an icy gust into the room.

“Sorry, that took longer than I expected.”

Cas stopped in the center of the room. Dean’s eye couldn’t help but stare at the single plastic bag in the angel’s hand. His eye then trailed up to the new piece of clothing around Cas’ neck: a scarf. It was orange and red with ugly, giant pom-poms at either end.

Jack excitedly flew out of the bathroom at the sound of Cas’ voice. “Where did you go?”

With a soft smile, Cas handed the bag to Jack. “I thought I’d pick something up for you.”

“Thank you,” Jack answered running his hands across the scarf he pulled out of the bag.

It was red and purple, and Dean couldn’t look at them a second longer. Clenching his jaw, he exited the room and regretted it immediately. The air was cold, and his hands were already sore thinking about all the ice he was gonna have to scrape off of baby.

He’d just gotten the brush out of the trunk when he heard the crunching of footsteps approaching.

“You left far too quickly.”

Dean tried to smile, but his mouth felt wrong. He shrugged. “Felt like you and the kid were having a moment. Besides I really need to get baby ready to go.”

Cas sighed, and his head tilted to the side. “I know, but….” He started to unwrap the scarf from himself. His eyes didn’t leave Dean’s for a second. “you didn’t wait for me to give you this.”

“You don’t need to give me your scarf, Cas.”

The corner of Cas’ mouth pulled until the faint glimpse of white could be seen. Blinding, like all the snow and ice surrounding them. “This isn’t mine. I bought it for you.”

Dean blinked.

“Luckily, I had a feeling-” Cas began. He looped It around Dean’s neck. “that you’d be out here digging the car out-” He carefully wrapped it again, and again. “before I got back. So-”

Cas adjusted the fabric in places so Dean could squish his face deeper into the fabric for warmth.

Already, only Dean's eyes and the top of his head was uncovered. He could smell the familiar scent of Cas' favorite coffee order as he breathed in.

“I figured that I’d warm it up for you.”

Dean felt unable to speak. Like his tongue wasn’t made for making sounds anymore. The scarf’s warmth sank into his skin and the only thought coming to mind was that: Jack was right. He was never more grateful than he was in that moment for that scarf obscuring the shape of the next three words his mouth took.

Ask me more writing prompts (I’m using these as warm ups so can’t guarantee the speed I post in)

#my writing #spn

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actualalienfauna · 3 years

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So a brain-related thing I want to talk about is hyperphantasia!

SooOooOoooo there’s this nifty little spectrum that “measures” any individual’s ability to visualize the five senses mentally. On one end of the spectrum there’s aphantasia, which is characterized by the inability to visualize some or all of the five senses. These individuals have a predisposition to be skilled at logic-based fields such as math or finance! On the other end of the spectrum, there’s hyperphantasia, which is the exact opposite. People with hyperphantasia are able to picture things in there mind more vividly than others and are more likely to be skilled at art or humanities.

Everyone fits somewhere on this spectrum. Some people may be entirely one or the other, some are able to visualize certain senses but not all, some are in the middle, etc.

I am entirely hyperphantasic. I experience such vivid mental images that I can sometimes overlay them with my normal vision. By far the easiest sense for me to visualize is sight. Then sound, touch, and smell are all about the same for me, followed by taste. There are so many wonderful things about having having it, and some not so wonderful things. I’ll start with the inconvenient ones so this doesn’t end on a negative note.

The inconvenient:

If someone gets hurt or I see real-life violence in media, I tend to imagine what that would feel like and experience physical pain.

Descriptions of gross things like certain bodily fluids and smells can make me nauseous because I can picture them with SO MUCH CLARITY LIKE, FUCK.

I used to be emotionally paralyzed because I could see and feel my trauma playing out in front of me without having a flashback. Now all of that is stored in my memory palace and don’t bother me.

I am susceptible to sensory overloads because I’ve got so much additional stimuli up in my brain.

Some of the pretty neat:

I have been able to create six distinct and elaborate inner worlds, including a memory palace. I can just retreat into absolutely wonderful places whenever I’m overwhelmed or having a hard time. Might talk about them someday if people are interested.

My imagination is very active and rich.

I developed a story in my head when I was 15 and have been maintaining and building upon it ever since, and the characters and events are so realistic that I may as well be living in it.

I come up with ideas for art and writing just by seeing and hearing things. Beautiful scenery, neoclassical music, those sorts of things.

When I talk about things I’m passionate about, my brain is flooded with information pertaining to that thing and I get really excited.

It’s easy for me to stay entertained because I can just kinda think to successfully combat boredom.

I see so much light and color in my head that life seems more colorful.

I have a top-notch sense of direction because I can clearly picture routes to take. I can also orient myself easily by imagining a map.

My memory palace allows me to recall things pretty damn easily because I can store memories in books. Then I can “read” the books to remember. This is useful for learned information as well.

My dreams are very elaborate and detailed.

Having hyperphantasia is pretty fun for me. For my particular personality, it’s perfect. It brings me so much joy and confidence because of what I can do as a result of being this way. I just love my brain.

I’m always curious to know where other people fit on the spectrum. Tell me what you see in your head! (ﾉ⊙ヮ⊙)ﾉ

#hyperphantasia #me #speak #psychology #brain #long post #aphantasia #brain stuff #no one will read this

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tellywoodtrash · 3 years

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immj2 25.12.20 lb

you know what’s hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighly unrealistic about this scene? that she picked up a call from a number she doesn’t have saved. no millennial does that. we wait till it stops ringing and then google/truecaller the number and see if someone worth talking to.

vansh knows this and is thinking omg what kinda crazy person have i married?????? this bitch bonkers.

anyway, after ACP Anda, i think she deserves another catchy nickname, so imma call her Bitch-oo Babe.

he fully knew who was calling based on his reaction and is trying to distract her. this shadyassssss fucker, man.

also music therapy? i shudder to think what kinda music this freak might like. those alone might be grounds for divorce. i could never be with a person whose music taste i don’t at least begrudgingly tolerate, if not respect and appreciate.

anyway, hearing his voice, Bitch-oo Babe hung up, like any sane woman would, knowing that this dude is around.

HE KNOWS. HE FULLY KNOWS. FUCKER.

this looks hella uncomfortable. not to mention dangerous. stop distracting the driver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ghar nahi, kahin aurrrrrrrrrr. for quality time. with this dude. oh boy.

lmaoooooooooooo she’s like “but dadi.......???”

“riddhima, dadi se main pyaar karta hoon but tumhe nahi lagta honeymoon par dadi ko laana thoda awkward ho jayega???” snortttttttt.

she’s like nooooooooo but dadi’s waiting for us and he shows his horndog side and is like and i’ve been waiting monthssssssss. AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT, ASSHOLE??? TUMHE FURSAT KAHAN FROM PLAYING SHITTY MINDGAMES, INSTEAD OF LIKE..... STRIP UNO OR SOME OTHER FUN GAMES THAT WOULD RESULT IN ORGASMS?

he literally just told her “humara din hai, riddhima. aaj ke liye apne dimaag se sab kuch baahar nikaal do.” oh don’t worry bro, she’s permanently like that only. aapko aaj ke din ke liye koi special instruction dene ki zaroorat nahi hai.

gaadi mein gadbad. of course. but it just stopped. didn’t blow up or anything. hmph.

how fortuitous ki gaadi stopped in front of this beauuuuuuuuuuuutiful setup. hum toh jab bhi phas jaate hain kisi busy road pe hi hota hai, and then traffic builds up behind and honks at us repeatedly and makes us cry.

he’s saying “nice” but very creepy shit about aaj ke baad jeene ke liye kuch bachega nahi and aakhri pal and all, and this idiot girl is just simpering at him instead of having alarm bells go off in her head. sis................ why are you like this??????? self preservation naam ki cheez kyun nahi hai tummm mein??????? like, i’m a depressed bitch who is constantly craving death and even my brain is like GET OUT IF YOU WANNA LIVEEEEEEEEEEEE every time i hear something “meaningful” said by this guy.

of course when he’s being normal, she has to ruin the moment by thinking of telling him everrrrrrrrrrrrrrything. sigh. why are you two so fuckinggggg exhausting?

SOMEONE’S WATCHING THEM FROM OUTSIDE HERE ALSO?!?!!?!? WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK, ARE THESE TWO NEVER TO BE FUCKING LEFT ALONE EVER?????????????????????? JESUS.

YET AGAIN, SHE’S TRYING TO TELL HIM THE WHOLE TRUTH ABOUT THE PAST AND HE DOESN’T LET HER COMPLETE WHAT SHE’S SAYING. BOY IF YOU DON’T SHUTTTTTT THE FUCK UP AND JUST LISTEN TO HER I SWEAR TO FUCKIN’ GOD..........................

SHE EVEN TRIES TO TELL HIM KI LET ME COMPLETE THE FUCK I’M TRYING TO SAY IT’S LIKE A BURDEN ON ME I NEED TO GET IT OFF AND THIS ASSHOLE................ I .................

blah blah ateet hai, not present and aane waala kal, blah blah blah. let’s live our life and forget everything in the past. yeah ok, let’s see if he’ll follow his own words or if he’s gonna dig up shit from the past and torture her over it.

bathroom mein ek surprise hai? oh boy. this fucker’s surprises are never good.

thankfully she used her brain and is like was all this planned, us coming here???? he’s like jagaah yehi thi, but the car breaking down here was a coincidence. sure. i don’t believe a single word outta your mouth, you silver tongued fuck.

man, you’re so hot. why can’t you just be a good human being also???? ouff, apparently, that’s asking TOOOOO much of men these days.

aslkjdlsakjdlsakjdlaskjldkjsalkdjsal the way the psycho theme music just started playing in my head!!!!!!!!!!!

some shady talk with angre. could be talking about riddhima, could be talking about anupriya. who knows??????/ either way, some woman about to get her life ruined by this fucker.

behen still adamant on confessing the truth to him. wrote one big dramatic letter. who the fuck writes letters anymore???? put that shit in an email or a whatsapp message or some shit, sis.

anyway, condition is that gimme a rose and i’ll understand you’ve forgiven me and want to start a new life with me despite all this.

kept the letter next to his wallet.

ek pal ka sukoon nahi hai is ladki ki life mein. always from the frying pan into the fire.

vansh came running, tab tak person has disappeared. with his wallet. (and her letter.) so he’s like koi chor tha shaayad.

SHE JUST TOLD HIM SOMEONE TRIED TO KILL HER AND HE’S LIKE SO CASUAL ABOUT IT AND SAYING “RIDDHIMA, RELAX, KUCH HUA TOH NAHI NA TUMHE?” WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! DID HE PLAN THIS?????? WAS THIS THE SURPRISE HE HAD WAITING FOR HER IN THE BATHROOM????????

he’s like let’s go home if you’re uncomfortable and she’s like NOOOOOOOO I’M FEELING BETTER NOW.

yeah. this is the face of someone feeling “better” minutes after being attacked.

sis soooooooooo horny for her husband she’s just brushing aside trauma acquired 2 minutes ago, to get laid. god, could never be me.

jesus christ what the fuck it’s like a gulabjal ka factory exploded nearby. i have a headache just looking at this. so fucking ott.

anyway, she’s panicking about no gulab in his hand. SIS. LOOK AROUND YOU??????? GULAB HI GULAB HAI. HAR JAGAAH. LIKE...... WHAT MORE GULAAB THAN THIS YOU WANT, HUH??????????/

LO. HAATH MEIN BHI GULAAB. HAPPY? LORD.

happy tears, happy tears. (FOR NOW.)

everytime he does this getting down on his knees and making this 🥺🥺🥺 face thing, i go buck wild.

god he looks soooooo good and he’s saying allllllllllllll the right things. pity i don’t believe him.

behen ne bhi kar diya pyaaaar ka ailaaaaaan.

LOL WHAT KINDA AMATEUR BS IS THIS???? SIR WHERE’S THOSE MOVES YOU HAD AS VIHAAN????????? UGH, I MISS VIHAAN. HE WAS SO MUCH SEXIER THAN THIS DORK.

i’m so fucking mad that this is the fucking nonsense they gave us as first sex scene. ugh. ek toh lip sync. woh bhi to a song i hate. upar se so much ootpataang nonsense. in terms of disappointment, i think this might rank even higher than shivika’s laal ishq. that at least had sexy soundtrack and the expressions and all on point. this is literally cringey as fuckkkkkk.

wow. one neck kiss that lasted .03 seconds. thanks. i’m all satisfied now. 😒😒😒

anyway, i sat through it so y’all could have these caps of rrahul’s face looking good. enjoy.

agla episode mujhse abhi dekha nahi jayega. uska lb kal. i need to go get rid of my disappointment at whatever this was, by watching some new girl or something. ok bye.

#ishq mein marjawan 2 #immj2 #immj2 lbs #episode liveblogs

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2p-stuff-because-i-miss-them · 4 years

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could you do maybe .. 2p italy boyfriend headcanons pls?? thank you !! i love the blog so far

Yay tysm~ bf headcanons for the boi coming right up, my last bf canons were too long so I hope this ones shorter.

Our favorite short glass of red wine, Luciano Vargas-

This boi really did think he was going to be the one to sweep you off your feet and take you away to a paradise.

Turns out it was you who did that

Well okay it was both-

You two probably met during the spring in park

Sounds nice but it was about to be stormy as all hell and Luciano was so visibly pissed about something it was kind of funny.

It was funnier when the sat down ignoring the weather signs and took his jacket off

It was less funny when the rain started and he curled up in a ball to start sobbing quietly, something must have happened

He couldn’t really see you, but he could sense and hear you breathing, as for you his glowing magenta eyes were burned into the back of your brain, and you thought he was really pretty lets be honest he is prettiest boi-

Maybe that's why you gave him your umbrella as to help him get a little dry, or maybe make him feel a tad bit better

Bottom line you two talked, you made him feel a bit better and you didn’t make a big deal about it, which he admired.

You went from closer than normal acquaintances to friends over the span of 7 months, then best friends after a year, it only took another month for hm to start catching feelings and getting more romantic but then it took three months before he finally kissed you under the rain to make it official.

He was all suave abt it and stuff lolo

Btw kisses with Luciano are clicks tounge top TIER

He does it all the time when he’s with you in public and private.

He likes cuddling with you everywhere too but he wont because he has an image to maintain around people ig

But damn you’ll just be sitting down chilling and he’s staring (almost glaring-) at you then he leaves and comes back behind you just to place you on his lap.

^“Luci this is a Wendy’s-”

Even if you're much bigger and/or taller than him he always wants to be the one holding you. Which is sweet but sometimes he falls down and doesn’t let go-

^“Hey Luci can you help me get down from this (slightly tall platform)?”

Ah yes bella I’ll just carry you off

“Luci no I mean can I just hold your hand until I get down as to keep balance-”

No no its fInE-

“Luci no NO WAIT PUT ME DOWN I'M TOO THICC FOR YOUR SHI-”

And then you come crashing down but at least you fell on Luciano-

As macho as this man is, he’ll lose it if you call him pretty and do light make up on him really.

He likes taking pictures of you and setting them as his wallpaper with filters and stuff, if you do the same to him he’ll die-

Luci probably already knows most if not all of your big and small insecurities abt your body and personality and he’ll praise those aspects about you every day, sometimes on purpose but usually just because he genuinely loves all of his s/o.

Now keeping this in mind he’ll also be “playfully” mean but you can’t really tell because he has the same resting bitch face the entire time he’s being playful and serious.

And you also can’t tell because he’ll be high-key threatening about it and then say “I’m joking” after you’ve panicked

He spends a lot of money on you because he’s kind of materialistic but he also tries to do the small things for you when he has time, so he can show you how much he cares outside of just spoiling you with no love in return

When Luciano is talking with you he’s very distracting, because he’s usually stroking your arm or face or messing with your hair. He does this out of habit because he thinks it’s a comforting way to say that he’s listening and/or go on but sometimes you’ll lose focus when he’s so close and making direct eye contact-

He knows he's handsome and he'll use it to get his way in arguments or conversations

^Luci no I don't want to watch that movie again please-"

*Luciano bats gorgeous eyelashes once*

"...I'll be ready in 10"

Luciano also uses italian to his advantage like this as well. He speaks so SMOOTHLY you cannot help it.

He loves to see you all flustered and cute, and that's his primary goal in all of his romantic gestures

He likes to watch romance movies often and honestly, loves movie nights in general, and would love it if you would watch sappy love stories with him.

He also likes to dance with you at night all alone in the dark. He’ll slow dance forever as long as it's with you in his arms (how romantic doki doki)

Luciano is usually always with Lutz and Kuro so you are too, and honestly-

It’s kind of terrifying because Lutz is low-key a giant man child so he’s always getting into accidents that will give you heart attacks before you remember he’s immortal-

And Kuro just sort of appears everywhere behind you, in front of you always watching silently which is unnerving

But you guys get closer during game nights every month so it's okay

Speaking of people you’re always around, Flavio is like always there no matter what, spoiling you almost as much as Luciano.

This boi loves an s/o’s honesty and genuine love so as long as he keeps getting that he’ll love you forever.

lol this def not even a lil shorter but I’ve deleted too much from it already soooooooooo

#2p hetalia #2p #2p!#2p!hetalia #2p italy #2p!Italy #2p headcanons #2p axis

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janetbrown711 · 4 years

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❝You are the only one who really understands me, so please—don’t go.❞ Dewey webby Delong with issues of webby leaving with Louie growing up and married and Dewey having issues and separation problems and aaahgavckfmgkf

Webby knew Louie was out of his damn mind when he swore that he’d be able to fix the whole Dewey being drunk out of his mind with Dante, Huey being anxious, and whatever spat Della and Daisy had gotten themselves into all before the rehearsal dinner started, but Webby did nothing to stop him. She was honestly quite interested in just how he would attempt it all, and just how spectacularly it would fail. That was why, despite her granny’s concern, she let Louie to it.

However, her concern started to edge her when the dinner was starting in five minutes and there wasn’t a sign of Louie, Dewey, Dante, or Daisy anywhere. She figured Louie would probably try to fix everything last minute, as was often a technique of his (though weaker than his others). Sighing, she told Lena she’d be back in a moment and went to search for her fiancée.

However, when she heard a loud thud, she was diverted from her path and rushed to assist whoever had fallen. To her surprise, it was Dewey, who didn’t appear even the slightest bit soberer than before. Whatever Louie had attempted, it didn’t work.

“Dewey, are you okay? Why are you alone? Where’s Dante?” Webby asked, looking up and down the empty hallway.

“Gone,” Dewey mumbled, his breath reeking of alcohol.

“Are you okay? You totally fell,” Webby asked, looking him up and down to check for any possible injuries.

“Head’s fine. Made of solid rock,” Dewey grinned cheekily, knocking on his head a few times.

“You’re coming with me mister,” Webby rolled her eyes at his slurred speech, wrapping an arm around him and helping him up, taking him to the kitchen.

“Where we goin’ Websssss?” Dewey asked. “Party’s thata way.”

“We are going to sober you up for Louie because he clearly doesn’t know how to do this,” Webby snarked.

“True dat,” Dewey nodded.

“So where’s Dante if you’re alone?” Webby asked again.

“Dante’s... Dante’s... mm...” Dewey tried to think but couldn’t come to a conclusion. “Dewster’s all alone tonight.”

“Did he say that? Why?” Webby raised an eyebrow. She knew Dante, he was better than just abandoning Dewey like that.

“Dewster’s aloneee tonight baby, no reason other than my brain,” He answered. Unfortunately, that did nothing to clarify the situation.

“What about Huey? Louie said he was going to sober you,” Webby questioned.

“Dante an’ Hubert got in a squabble,” Dewey shrugged.

“Well he better show up soon if this doesn’t work,” Webby sighed.

“What we gon’ try?” Dewey asked.

“That’s a surprise,” Webby said, so Dewey wouldn’t run away. It was going to be the tried and true method of dunking his head in ice-cold water until he could stand on his own.

“Alllll by myseeeeEeelffffffff,” Dewey had begun to drunkenly sing to himself, as was his habit. No matter what situation they were in, if Dewey was drunk, he was singing somehow.

“Dewey, you aren’t by yourself, I’m here,” Webby rolled her eyes.

“Not for long,” he muttered. This caused Webby to stop.

“What do you mean by that?” Webby frowned.

“I mean...” Dewey’s face flushed and he looked to the ground. It seemed for a moment he would answer when suddenly vomited on a fake tree in the hall. Webby sighed.

“We need to get you to the kitchen. I’m sure you can explain there,” She sighed and practically carried him to the kitchen, and he luckily didn’t vomit after that.

Eventually, they reached the kitchen and Webby made her request for a big bucket of ice water, and the sobering began. She had to dunk his face in a total of five times before he demanded she stop and she knew he came back to his senses.

“Tell me what happened,” Webby sat Dewey down and crossed her arms.

“What do you mean?” Dewey rubbed the back of his neck.

“Where’s Huey or Dante? How did you end up alone and wandering the halls of the hotel?” She clarified.

“Right. That,” Dewey sighed. “Huey found me with Dante, Dante got snappy at Huey, Huey got snappy back, Dante left angry, Huey tried to get me to come back to save his ass so he wouldn’t have to give his speech, I got mad for him getting mad at Dante and stormed off, telling him not to follow,” he explained.

“How long were you wandering around? And how did Huey lose track of you?” Webby raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know everything, okay? It’s foggy,” he shrugged. Webby nodded slowly.

“I see,” She said. “What about all that alone talk? When I said you aren’t alone you said ‘not for long’. What do you mean?”

Dewey went silent for a moment.

“Webby... I-i feel like you’re the only one who understands me...”

“Dewey, you promised-”

“I know what I promised,” he closed his eyes. “But...”

“Dewey, I know what you want to say but you cannot do this to me. The wedding is tomorrow, you cannot do this to me,” Webby looked away.

“I wasn’t going to say any of that, I would never do that to you or Louie,” Dewey clarified sharply. Webby took in a deep breath and let him continue.

“What I meant is... you’re my best friend. Huey’s off in college with a fancy girlfriend, Louie’s getting married, Lena has a girlfriend, heck, even Violet of all people has a girlfriend, meanwhile... I feel like I’m all alone,” he slumped. “I feel like once you get married I’m just going to be... alone; that you won’t want to hang out with me anymore...”

“Lena isn’t dating anyone,” Webby suggested softly.

“She doesn’t count,” Dewey rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“I know, I’m sorry...” she sighed.

“Dewey, you’re a very good friend to me too. Trust me when I say, I don’t want to lose this friendship either. I care a lot about you, and I won’t leave you. I promise you’ll never be alone. Plus, you have Dante right?” She put a hand on his shoulder. He nodded.

“I do,” he sniffled.

“C’mon dummy, we need to get to the dinner. We’re already late,” Webby punched him in the shoulder, to which he winced and they left back to the dining hall.

In all honesty, when Webby walked into the dining hall she half-expected everything to be on fire and a huge disaster, with Louie trying to fix it all in the middle. Instead, she was greeted by Louie with the smuggest and calmest face she’s ever seen in her life.

“Well, well, well... look who’s late,” he grinned.

“Har har. You didn’t sober Dewey, so you didn’t win,” Webby pointed out. Louie rolled his eyes.

“Well, I did everything else, including showing up on time, soooooooooo...” He winked.

“I get your hoodie for one month,” Webby rolled her eyes. Louie accepted this, holding out his arm for her, which she accepted and all of them took their seats.

After that, everything seemed to go on without a hitch. Webby looked around the room and saw Daisy and Della were getting along just fine, leaving Donald much happier and more comfortable than before, Huey being relaxed and talking to Violet about things, and Launchpad was having a nice conversation with the person whose car he crashed into. In short, all was well. Webby was genuinely surprised. Then again, she had always known Louie for having a way with words and people.

However, when Dewey began to hit his fork against his champagne glass (which wasn’t missing a single drop), Webby began to worry about what it was he was going to say.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and other honored guests, let me be the first to toast to my brother and my best friend’s soon to be marriage,” he raised his glass.

“I’ve known my little brother my whole life, minus forty-five minutes, and let me tell you he is quite the character. He’s selfish, lazy, and yet somehow the most caring and loving person I know. His schemes may get him in trouble a lot, but hey, I know they’ve saved my butt on multiple occasions,” he joked, which made the whole room laugh.

“Without him, I’m sure everyone in this room would probably have found themselves in a bit more trouble than they are right now,” he said, to which several people nodded in agreement.

“Now, Webby is fierce, sweet, and one of the kindest and yet also one of the scariest people I’ve also ever met,” he looked at her. “I couldn’t imagine someone better for my little punk of a brother.”

“So I raise a glass to their soon to be unity. Here’s to Louie and Webby; may their marriage be happy, may it be lengthy, and may it be filled with laughter and good times.” He raised his glass and everyone cheered and drank as he sat back down.

“That wasn’t terrible Dewey,” Louie elbowed his brother and laughed.

“I try,” Dewey rolled his eyes and smiled as he took a sip of his water.

“I thought it was very thoughtful. He doesn’t have your way with words but it was from the heart, be nice,” Webby elbowed Louie.

“He’s my brother, I have my rights,” Louie teased further. Webby chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“Thanks,” Dewey said to her.

“No problem,” She gave him a short and sweet smile and the night continued.

After the toast, everything continued normally, and without a hitch (unless you were Huey, Violet and Lena though, as they still had their bets going on, which they all took quite seriously). The dinner ended, and soon everyone headed off to their room to prepare for what tomorrow held.

However, just as Webby was going to kiss Louie goodnight before he would disappear until the wedding, a certain uninvited someone burst through the door of the hotel and checked in out of nowhere. Once Webby caught word of it, she and Louie went down to the front desk to see who on earth would check into a wedding like that, and the night before of all times.

However, the moment the figure opened their mouth a lot of those questions answered themselves.

“Hello there Sharpy, happy to see me?”

Goldie.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

#my fics #loubby #louie duck #webby vanderquack #dante canul #huey duck #dt fanfics #dewey duck #wedding #cuties

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usagitsunami · 3 years

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so, um, til that the itching in the front of my brain isn't normal ✌🏼

and neither is the feeling of white noise/tv static/scribbles up in there

its not as bad as it could be, I only get it when I've been focusing on something (like homework) for too long, but after that it does often turn into a migrane if I don't stop what I'm doing :///

soooooooooo yeah ??

#central neuropatic itch #hahaaaaaaa strokes run in the family #anxiety #mental health

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37q · 4 years

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fuck i had such a bad dream :( right after kai left for work i went back to bed and started dreaming. in the dream one of my coworkers was my neighbor for some reason? the reason i knew this was because i just came back from my car after smoking like 5 bowls when i saw them walk out of their apt to do laundry. i went back to my apt and i literally couldnt stand, the world was 45° to the right including the floor so i was either falling into things or i was literally floating a lil bit to keep myself up. she came into my apt thinking it was mine and i approached her and she said holy shit did i enter the wrong apt? and i gestured to my apy indicating that its, well, obviously mine, but i give a lazy giggle and say its fine though. i have work in an hour anyway. so i go to work and god i just fuck up so so so so so so badly :( i greet a table but then i... i dont know what i do, i just know that after i get their drink orders i literally dont talk to them for an hour and fourteen minutes. dont even give em their drinks n shit. i come out from the back after smoking more i guess? and god im so fucking fucked up. somebody just ran food to a table near mine and they complained to him. the rest of my dream is kinda just trying to play catch up to my mistakes but god i was soooooooooo fucking high and i HATE how perfectly accurate it was because now im craving it like nothing else but im also so fucking horrified with myself for the cravings but also for the guilt of just fucking up stuff in my life for being high constantly! i cant believe i was able to function at all let alone work. i mustve been one lucky asshole but being high literally every waking moment of my life, at work, in school, with family, spending any normal time with my loved ones, running errands, while driving (i drove to raleigh and back totally high! how did i only fall asleep at the wheel once! how did i drive back from northern georgia after dropping kai off on the appalachian trail without fucking up her car because of how high i was!), in therapy, WITH KAI, for TWO AND A HALF YEARS which i quite literally do not remember a wink of, took away such beautiful time i couldve been experiencing. i robbed myself. im so fucking devastated. and im still craving it, or anything to make me non-sober for that matter. im surprised i havent drunk the bottle of crown kai n i have in the apt, but maybe thats because im not as adept at living while tipsy or drunk as i am living while high. going to work drunk is also like, way more obvious and people recognize it as far more severe than going to work high. god im so scared and sad. i kept waking up and then going back to sleep, hoping to god id be able to finish off my morning sleep with a better note in a different dream. nope, my brain insisted on reminding me of what i can still do if i start using again

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toxikbubblegum · 5 years

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May Reading Wrap Up

I'm actually really proud of myself. I finished 13 books last month. Spent a lot of extra time away from screens and focusing on my mental health so I burned through way more than I normally would. So anyways, here's my reviews. - Also please understand that these are just my opinions and if I shit on your favorite book I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy it as much as you. Also, also Im terrible with character names.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐

I actually started this book at the end of April but didn't finish it til May 1st so whatever, here it is. This books is a YA urban fantasy novel about a girl with a double life. She spends half her days studying art in Europe and the other half running errands for a tooth collecting wish monger. I don't want to say a whole lot more because I dont want to spoil anything important about the plot. So, I'll try to be vague. Let me start by saying this story is amazing. I loved the writing and the world. I rated it so low solely because I can't stand the two main characters and it really dragged down what would have otherwise been an amazing novel. So yeah, great book but its a preference thing. Also took points off for the insta-love but not really insta-love shit. Idk. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this read even a month later. Gonna read the second to see if maybe my hatred of the two mains was just a fluke.

3/5 Stars

Spellbound by Rachel Hawkins

⭐⭐⭐

This is the third book in the Hex Hall trilogy. Not much to say about it. It was a meh ending to an overall pretty good series. 3/5 stars. Moving on.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

⭐⭐⭐

Realizing now how many of my reads this month were pretty middle of the world. Hopefully next month will be filled with 4 and 5 stars. Anyways, this book was honestly a struggle for me to finish and Im not sure why. It's a YA mystery magical realism story about a tiny coastal town that is cursed by the spirits of 3 sisters who were suspected of witchcraft and drowned 2 centuries prior. Because of this, every year the sisters return from the sea to take the lives of teenage boys by luring them to the sea. We follow the life of kind of meh and standard YA girl #1. She meets a strange non tourist boy and hires him to work in the lighthouse her family owns. Her dad randomly disappeared years ago and her mom is a loon. So yeah... I dont know. I kind of felt like this story was hot garbage in places. I usually dont have any trouble with the suspense of disbelief in magical realism stories but this one just had too many plot holes. Like, I get morbid stuff becomes tourist attractions but why wouldn't someone have stepped in and evacuated the town if at least 3 teenage boys die there EVERY SINGLE YEAR without fail? I honestly feel like the FBI or some other government agency would have cleared the place out after the first 20 or so deaths. There was also the whole MC can see the ghosts of the girls possessing people but chooses not to tell anyone? Like, I get it. You dont want people to label you a freak or think you're crazy but come the fuck on. You live in a tourist trap where people flock to watch local teenage males wash up on shore and you really think the authorities arent going to take you up on the help? It wasn't an awful book by any means. It was well written and extremely descriptive. Just had major beef with some of the details. Anyways, I wont say much more so I don't spoil the whole book.

3/5 Stars

An Enchantment of Ravens by Maragret Rogerson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, I get to talk about one of my favorite reads of the month. I love anything to do with the Fae in my YAfiction and this was literally everything I wanted in a Fae novel. It takes place in a town called Whimsy, a humanish town in the world of Faerie. The fae cannot do any Craft, or what we would consider craftsmanship. Art and humans who can do it well are very precious in this world because the Fae can't ever do it themselves. We follow the adventures of a girl who has been commisioned to paint the portrait of the Autumn King and the chaos that ensues. Let me just start by saying this is one of those insta-love situations where I feel like it's genuinely ok. I might be making excuses because I loved the title so much but whatever. It's explained and I accept it. Also, I realize that Gadfly had a lovely description but my brain willl not let me picture him as anything but Mr.Waternoose from Monsters Inc.

5/5 Stars

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

⭐⭐⭐

This book started out so good and went downhill very quickly. It follows the story of these two magicians who were fated by their Master's to one day fight to the death. There were so many things I loved about this book only for the last 100 pages to just take a firey dump on my face. I loved the setting and the majority of the characters. The supporting characters were so deep and interesting that I almost cared more about them than I did Ceilia and Marko (Im proabably wrong and I dont feel like googling but I think that was his name) . I don't know. I don't want to complain about anymore meh books.

3/5 Stars

Matched by Allie Condie

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Went into this book expecting to hate it. I usually don't like contemporary love stories but this had major City of Ember meets The Giver vibes and it just appealed to that 14 year old girl in me again. That seems to happen with a lot of dystopian utopia stories. Anyways, story is about a girl who lives in this town where when you hit a certain age you are brought to a place and told who the government has chosen for you to marry. She is matched with her life long best friend and all is well. Except that her little Get To Know Your New Husband microship thing showed her two guys instead of just one. And lots of bullshit ensues. I honestly think I rated this so high because I enjoy the world and not so much whats actually happening to the kids. Like, I loved the idea that art is harmful so the government chose 100 acceptable pieces and thats all these people know. I loved the brutality of the government in general. I can't say much more without spoiling some of the twists but geez did it have me hooked. I'm going to be started the second one soonish, though my TBR for June has gotten intense so we will see.

4/5 stars

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

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I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is so fucking good! Not going to rant about it or anything because y'all just need to go read it immediately.

5/5 stars

Would give it every star in the sky if Im being completely honest.

Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh

⭐⭐

Got sucked into this book by the cover and honestly that was the best part of this book. Its about this world where necromancy is pretty highly regarded and used to resurrect the royals after they die. The only downside is that if a living person ever lays eyes on the resurrected person's skin then they turn into these horrible monsters. Maybe it's just me but like that absolutely does not seem worth the risk. Plus, in order to bring the person back, these reapers have to go into the death world and bring the spirit back. And it's HELLA DANGEROUS. So like, WHY? Anyways, there is this stupid underlying love story that I absolutely wasn't invested in. This just all around was not a good book.

2/5 stars

Monster High by Lisi Harrison

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Little known fact~ I'm obsessed with Monster High and Ever After High. So yeah, I realize this wasn't targeted to me as an adult but even going into it with an open mind I was disappointed. Granted I didn't read the description of the book prior. I just saw this franchise I love and grabbed it. First, if you are a fan of the mini series and the movies do not read this. It doesnt follow the cinematic canon and I think that was my biggest problem with it. Frankie's character was all wrong and I hated the whole"Normy" cast. Was really excited for these but I definitely won't be continuing the series. I don't even want to torture myself with seeing how they manage to ruin my sweet baby Draculara.

2/5 stars

Unhinged by AG Howard

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I can't say enough good things about this series. This is the second book in the trilogy and it was a fanatstic bridge book. It had me engrossed through the entire audiobook. Morpheus is still everything. If you loved Splintered I would highly reccomend continuing.

5/5 stars

Truthwitch

⭐⭐

Have had this on my TBR for a while because of how many Booktubers have hyped the series. Buy, was I disappointed. I was soooooooooo bored. Maybe it's because I don't really enjoy this type of fantasy or maybe it was just the slower paced story but I just slugged through this book. Both of the main female characters were bland to me and I didn't care about their friendship. The world was cool but not enough to keep me invested. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

2/5 stars

Paranormalcy by Kiersten White

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Picked this up because of how much I loved The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and it didn't meet my expectations. It follows this girl who works for a paranormal gorvenment group. She has a special ability that makes her really useful to them so they are trying to groom her basically. They capture this changeling and she befriends him and there is an overarching plot that I just didn't get invested in. The friendship between the two main characters was pretty much the only thing that I enjoyed in this title. The mother figure was insufferable and I just didn't really understand the whole org that they worked for in general. Not an awful book but not fantastic.

Solid 3/5 stars.

The Siren by Kiera Cass

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Going to preface this by saying I might be biased. I love Kiera Cass and have enjoyed almost everything she has written. That said, this wasn't nearly as good as The Selection series but it was a pretty good stand alone novel. It about a girl who becomes a siren on her deathbed and spends the next 100 years serving the sea by luring people to their deaths. After doing this for 70 years, she falls in love and pretty much ruins everything. Loved the characters, especially the male lead. The insta love was a little pet peeve of mine but the love interest was so sweet and genuine that I was willing to overlook it. Pretty good read if you dig supernatural romance.

4/5 stars

June holds the Ghibli-a-thon but also lots of holidays for my family so we will see how much I actually get read. So far my tentative TBR is 5 books but we will see where the days take me.

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