Wherefore Art Thou My(stery) Lady
When a failed attempt to let Chat Noir down easy ends with Ladybug learning his name, she does what any lovesick teenager would do: teases him mercilessly. (Season 2/3 era.)
Chapter One
It figures, Adrien thought, as Ladybug carried him to safety. It figured it would be a dog-themed akuma. And that it would find the only cat-themed superhero in the city, even though he wasn’t currently transformed. It figured he would have to be rescued, cradled bridal style, and that Ladybug would hug him so tightly that--
Nope. Akuma. Focus on the akuma that was currently tearing through the streets, barking at people until they literally froze in terror, digging holes a hundred feet deep, and probably chasing his own tail. Focus on the lurch in his stomach as they jumped from building to building, the honking of the cars stuck in traffic, the flash of the sun reflecting off skyscraper windows. Focus on anything except for how warm she was, how firmly she held him, how her lips--
Nope, nope, nope. The wind in his hair. Birds chirping in the distance. Anything.
Ladybug bounded gracefully over the Agreste mansion's protective outer wall and landed on the grass, held him for a few seconds longer than was necessary (he noticed with elation), and then carefully set him down.
“Well,” she said, her smile wide and bright. “Stay safe! I wouldn't want anything to happen to you!”
Adrien watched her until she was nothing more than a red speck, then raced out through the gate, so he could find somewhere to transform. Ladybug needed her partner.
---
The akuma was easy to defeat, after Ladybug called her Lucky Charm. It was a box of caramel chocolates. No, they didn't feed any to the dog. Caramels made a wonderful, sticky trap when they were all melted together. Who knew? His genius partner, naturally.
Chat Noir picked up the (sadly not heart-shaped, just plain old rectangular) empty box and brought it over to her. “Look at what I fetched for you.”
“Thanks, Dog Noir,” she said, reaching out a hand for it.
He stuck out his tongue, preparing to toss the red and black box back to her, before realizing he could get one more pun out of it. He held it with both hands and gently placed it into her outstretched palm. He didn't let go until he'd caught her eye and said, in very serious tones, “For you, My Lady. And may I say, you look very fetching.” The box slid out of his hands, and Ladybug's expression morphed into a frown.
Within moments, the victim was back to normal, the holes had been removed from the street, and Ladybug was staring him down.
“I've told you,” she said.
“You've told me lots of things, Bug. You're going to have to be more specific.” Though he was fairly certain he knew what she wanted to say. Another rejection.
“You aren't going to win me over.”
Being prepared didn’t soothe the disappointment. “Would you mind if I kept trying anyway?”
Ladybug's face softened, and her hand went to her earrings as they beeped a warning. Two more minutes. “Thank you for the compliment, but it's not going to work.” She didn't sound exasperated, just sad. “I have to go.”
“See you at patrol later?” he asked as she threw her yoyo.
“Of course,” she said. “Keep in mind what I said, though.”
How could he not? Chat Noir sighed loudly once she was out of sight.
He still had three and a half minutes before he transformed back. Enough time to get poor dog-man home before anyone noticed Adrien was missing.
---
Patrol that night started out more formally than it usually did, and he knew it was due to his earlier declarations. Ladybug kept her distance from him physically and emotionally, only speaking when it was necessary and staying two or three rooftops ahead of him. He wasn’t getting the feeling that she was mad. Her tone was kind. And she always checked to make sure he was keeping up, even stopping to wait when she needed to.
Maybe she just didn’t want to give him any false hope.
Over the course of the hour, he steadily creeped closer to her. By the time they had reached the Louvre, they were side by side like they normally were. So naturally, Chat Noir let his curiosity get the better of him and asked a question that had plagued him for months. “So what's my rival like?” he asked. “Is he as funny and as handsome as me?”
“How should I know?” she said. “I can hardly see your face.”
Surprised by her sudden teasing, he quickly offered, “I could change that.” Which of course, he realized as soon as the words were out of his mouth, was about the most unhelpful thing he could have said.
Ladybug scoffed and took off, leaving Chat Noir to figure out how to fix his latest mess-up. She didn't seem too averse to answering questions, so maybe all he had to do was try again?
He stayed level with her, but gave her some space, choosing to run across the rooftops on the other side of the street. Headlights created a glow beneath them, a river of light that cast her in a warm haze.
After a few minutes of silence, he tried again. “I'm very handsome,” he said, trying to play it off. “Would you believe me if I said I was a superhero by day and a supermodel by night?”
“Pfft. No.” She stopped on a wide balcony and smiled at him.
He leaned over the edge of the roof to look down at her. “Maybe I just play one on TV then.”
“Unlikely.” She threw her yoyo and zipped away.
“No, really, what's he look like?” he called after her. “You can tell me that much.” They usually ended their patrol near Collège Françoise Dupont, which was convenient for him. And ever since Alya had discovered the little tidbit about Ladybug's history textbook, he’d started to suspect that the ending location was more than just a convenience for her, too. She probably lived nearby. They landed on the school's roof at the same time, and he thought she would just take off after that question, but for the second time, she surprised him. She sat down and leaned back on the flat top of the building. To the civilians below, only her feet would be visible, dangling over the edge. Chat Noir stayed as close to her as he dared, sitting by her knees, close enough to touch her if he reached, and stared down at the school’s stairs beneath them.
Ladybug chewed her lip like she was thinking. Did that mean she was figuring out her answer? Or was she figuring out how to say no nicely?
“He looks... a little bit like you,” she said, letting her feet kick against the side of the building.
“What if he is me?” Chat Noir asked. He hesitated before scooting closer, not wanting to push her. If she ran off again, she'd probably just go home.
“But the chances of you being the same person are really slim.”
“So what does he look like then? White kid? Blonde?”
“Green eyes, too,” she said.
“So he’s probably me.”
“Will you stop?” She held both arms straight up above her and then let them fall wide to either side of her. “There’s thousands of people in Paris that fit that description. He’s not you.”
“You said it yourself. The chances are slim. But that implies there’s still a chance.”
Chat Noir was trying really hard to convince himself that he was just teasing her. There was no way he was lucky enough to really be the guy she liked, but his mind drifted back to earlier that afternoon. The way she had held him when he wasn’t transformed, smiled at him, made sure that he stayed safe. What if the boy she liked was Adrien Agreste?
What would it be like to walk hand-in-hand with her at school? Or have plans together on the weekend?
It would hurt more to hope if he turned out to be wrong, but he couldn't help himself. She made him hope like nothing and no one else in his life could.
“Would it be bad if we were the same person?” he asked after it was clear she wasn’t going to answer his last comment.
“Not bad,” she said. “Just weird. You’re really different.”
“I thought you said we were both devilishly handsome, amazing, with perfect comedic timing–”
Ladybug laughed and shoved him. “Perfect comedic timing? You?”
“As evidenced by your laughter right now.” He gestured to her. She looked over at him from where she was lying down.
Her smile was glowing, brighter than the cars passing them on the street. Brighter than the moon. “You’re both wonderful people, I’ll give you that. Sometimes dorky, but I’m happy to know both of you.”
Chat Noir felt his face going hot at the unexpected praise.
“And sure, you look kind of similar. There. Are you satisfied?”
“We go to the same school,” he blurted out. “What are my chances now?”
“Chat!” She bolted upright to face him, eyes wide. “You can't just give away information like that!”
“I didn't-”
“We go to the same school?” she shrieked.
“I don't know!”
“So what made you say that?”
“Well, I thought maybe–” There was no way out of the mess he’d just created. Ladybug was on her knees, both hands on the roof of his - probably their - school. “I... the textbook?” he finished timidly. Even if that had been a false lead, he’d effectively just told her which school he attended, and he wasn’t sure how she would take it.
“Alya!” Ladybug growled, rubbing the heel of her hand into her forehead. When she faced him again, there was a big red spot.
“So... you really do go to my school?” he asked, patting a patch of roof next to him.
“You... you've known this... Alya released that video ages ago. You knew we went to school together, and you haven't come looking for me?”
The fragility in her tone caught him off guard. “Of course not,'' he reassured. “What kind of privacy invader do you take me for? I ought to be offended!” (The irony of the statement wasn’t lost on him.)
Ladybug didn't laugh, just quietly said, “Thank you. We go to the same school. Huh.”
The crisis he’d unintentionally created seemed to have passed. Hope bubbled up again. Most kids their age had crushes on people from school. “My chances?”
“Are slightly increased, but I'm fairly certain you're two different people. In fact, I'm not even sure we've met at school. I would have remembered meeting someone as loud and obnoxious as you.”
“Unlikely,” he muttered, but it was quiet enough that she hadn't heard him. “So this guy, that may or not be me...”
“He's not you.”
“What do you like about him?” He acted so differently at school. He didn’t think she would recognize him. Would he recognize her description of him? Maybe she would let it slip that the boy she was crushing on was a celebrity or famous or something.
It was hard to ignore the niggling doubt that said raising his hopes would only hurt more later.
“You really want to do this to yourself?” she asked, echoing his thoughts.
At the very least, he’d learn more about his Lady. What had won her over so soundly? (Maybe he would have a better shot with her if he knew that.) “Sure.”
“He's kind,” she said immediately. “He's the type of person who would help someone out even if they hated him. When we first met he went out of his way to apologize to me for something that was my fault. And he has the most amazing amount of patience I've ever seen.” She smiled while Chat Noir frowned. That didn’t sound like him.
“I mean,” she continued, “he has enough patience to deal with C-- this student that no one likes. And he's just so gentle and sweet and... yeah.” She sighed. “That's why I like him.”
She stared out over the lights of the city, but he was certain that she wasn't seeing a single building. Her face was peaceful and shining. It was a good look for her.
“Even if it turns out he's not me, he sounds like a nice guy.” He wasn't as great as Ladybug described, not nearly as kind or the well of unending patience, though that's what he tried to be like.
Then again, how many blond, green-eyed, white boys were there in the school? His chances had to be pretty good, didn't they?
“What makes you think he's not me? The personality difference?”
“I've seen you two in the same place at the same time.”
Chat Noir's heart sank. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. He knew he shouldn't have. And yet he had anyway. His ears drooped, and he grabbed his tail and started weaving it through his fingers, just to have something to do.
“Oh, Kitty.” Ladybug looked over at him. “I'm so sorry.”
“Maybe... maybe you just thought that you--”
“Please don't,” she said. “Please stop doing this.”
“But maybe you just thought--”
“Chat Noir!”
He turned to face her, slowly, deliberately. “I'm not giving up. If he's not me, I'm going to keep trying to win you away from him until you ask me to stop.”
Ladybug shut her eyes in defeat. “I should.”
But she didn’t, the hopeful piece of his heart whispered. He really wished it would shut up right now.
“Would it be easier for you if I did?”
“I–” What did he want? He felt at war with himself. Determination to keep going. But giving up might eventually make the pain of rejection stop.
She was looking at him with so much compassion and caring. The constant declarations annoyed her sometimes. He knew that. But she didn’t hold it against him and still asked if he was okay. Despite everything, he loved her. That was that. “I’d rather be able to express myself. But only if it doesn’t bother you.”
She shook her head, eyes down. “It’s fine.”
“Who is he?” he asked.
“I already told you, I can't tell you,” Ladybug said. “We can't know anything about each other. It's--”
“Then we can’t know for certain that he’s not me.” It was false hope at this point, but it was the only hope he had, so he clung to it. She'd seen them together. Maybe he had saved this guy’s life.
She stood. “I'm sorry, Chaton.” She zipped away without another word, up and over Marinette’s bakery and out of sight.
Chat Noir didn't feel much like being a superhero right now, but he didn't feel like going home so early either. He slowly climbed down the walls, detransformed, and trudged his way back to the mansion on foot, his hands in his pockets.
---
The next time he saw her was two nights later, their next patrol. She had arrived first, which was unusual, and was pacing at the top of Le Grand Paris, waiting for him. The sting of her rejection had been his companion for the past 48 hours, and it flared up a little when she turned her bright, blue eyes on him.
“Evening, My Lady,” he said, bowing elegantly. “I hope you've--”
“I have an idea.”
Chat Noir was still bent at the waist, and the grandeur of his gesture was broken by his sudden jerk upright. That sounded urgent. “What kind of idea?”
“Uh...” Ladybug didn't usually hesitate like that, and he realized that it probably hadn't been urgency in her voice, just anxiety. Ladybug kept going. “How I can prove you two aren't the same person without revealing anybody's name.”
“Oh.” Stellar way to start a patrol.
“Here's my plan. So after I went home the other day, I felt bad that you felt bad and then I had to figure something out, so that you could be happy again, and I promise I won't go looking for you.” Her words tumbled and tripped over themselves. “And I thought that it would probably be best if you could just stop thinking the way you were thinking, but no one’s identity will be compromised, and this is kind of dangerous if I’m wrong, but I’m not wrong, so if you don't want to do this it's fine, and of course you couldn't be the same two people, and--”
“Ladybug.” He hadn’t heard her babble like that for at least three months. Whatever her plan was, she was obviously presenting it to him against her better judgment. Her arms curled around herself, like she was terrified. Her hands were tight balls.
“I went through all of last year's yearbook. Are you in there?”
He nodded slowly, uncomprehending. “Yes?”
“I checked everyone, well, all the boys who look like the two of you. There's a bunch of people who match your general description, and none of them have the same initials. And no one has the same first initial as him, so I thought-- you could tell me what your first name starts with, and...”
And she could crush his heart once and for all when it didn’t match.
Or, his traitorous heart whispered. Or maybe…
“Don't worry about me,” he said, resigned. It was a silly hope. He would just go back to his original plan of winning her over.
Ladybug hugged herself tighter, fists clenched, staring at his shoulder. “Are you sure? Because we don't have to do this.”
He squared his shoulders to brace himself. “A.”
“A?”
He nodded.
“Your last name?”
“What do you need it for? You said no one else has the same first letter.” She didn't answer, and he couldn't tell if this was a good sign or a bad sign.
“Another A,” he said.
Aside from her fists loosening slightly, she gave no visible reaction, though he thought he heard her breathing pick up a little.
“Ladybug?”
“Ladybug has to go home now,” she whispered.
He blinked. “What about patrol?”
Without so much as a backward glance, she slipped over the side of the hotel. He watched as she skittered away over the rooftops and toward the direction of the school. What was that reaction? It looked bad. Those were bad feelings she was having. Did she leave so she wouldn’t have to hurt him again? Or some other reason?
Chat Noir finished the patrol route on his own, not sure if he should feel hopeful or despairing.
Ch 2
---
Author's note: Hello! Welcome to my Big Bang contribution! This story has seven chapters and will update every Saturday! Thank you to @toadashi who did some great artwork for it! To @cardiac-agreste for beta reading. To @jennagrinsoverml, for being so interested in this half-formed story that I eventually finished it. And to @mlbigbang for hosting this event!
Here is the artwork for this fic! :https://www.instagram.com/p/C1l539rowbO/?igsh=cmloaWRyaWVkdThv
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