#mental health awareness month 2023
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May Flowers/Mental Health Awareness Month
As I sit here in contemplation, I’ve come to the realization that people can mean well and still hurt you. People can have some of the best intentions and still fuck you over, and that’s life, y’know? It doesn’t have to mean the end of the world or anything drastic like that. It means that all of us, myself included, are flawed individuals not above reproach because while we are prone to fuck ups, that doesn’t give us the right to afflict harm and pain on those around us
I’m not above feeling emotions like sorrow, fury or disappointment. Those feelings are valid and they’re a part of what makes me human. But I’m going to do better and not let them consume me. I may not know my purpose in life just yet, even at my age, and I’m learning to be okay with that. My timeline isn’t anyone else’s but mine. It’s okay that I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing because I trust in God and the Universe to lead the way.
And I’m learning to give myself more grace because I am different than my family, my friends, and my peers. My brain operates differently, and my mind does as well. Things don’t always come easy to me and by proxy, my actions and choices don’t either because I’m operating on a different wavelength and level of understanding. Because of that, my intelligence isn’t always reflected accurately or fairly. I’ve had plenty of people throughout my life deem me reckless and stupid or lazy when that’s complete bullshit. I’ve spent a huge chunk of my life defending myself from people’s projections and expectations and I’m tired of that shit. I want to live my life as freely as I’m able and I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be successful, and I deserve to be treated with compassion and decency.
My mental disorders aren’t the only parts of who I am, but they’re important nonetheless because they do color the way I view things and they affect my way of living, good and bad, and that’s okay! God doesn’t love me any less because I’m a little different and I’m not being punished by Him or the Divine or the Universe or whatever belief you do or don’t subscribe to either. My life can still be enjoyable and worthwhile in spite of these setbacks, and of the things I’m encouraging myself to do is to stop running away from the parts of myself I don’t like or am embarrassed by. Even if I’ll never fully embrace them, I can at least sit and hold space with them.
So, allow me to reintroduce myself. I’m luckycharming, but you can call me lucky if you’d like. I am a creator, specifically a writer, and I enjoy writing deeply. I also love reading as well. I’m an avid lover of videos games. I’m interested in the occult/supernatural/magic or what have you and have an assortment of tarot/oracle decks. I love, love, LOVE astrology and have books about them too. Overall, I’m just a girl who loves adventure 💙💙💙
#may flowers#mental disorder#mental health#mental health awareness month 2023#my thoughts#april continued to remind me why it always has and will be one of my least favorite months of the year#thank god for may#thank god for taurus season as well#i need the grounding energy of my fellow earth sign#positivity#writing#words#hello everyone it’s me!#your friendly bisexual mentally ill whimsical baddie b 😘🤣#may this month be full of abundance love and blessings for us all 💖#luckycharming
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Days Are Short. (Mental Health Awareness Month, May 3rd)
I always get extremely melancholic in spring, due to the change to summertime. Sure, daylight savings are neat and all. But. The prospect of feeling seven times older by just. The time changing. Old people get heart attacks from the phenomena of setting back the clock, for crying out loud.
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Why are we truly bound so much by time? I will never understand. We have an innate sense to exist, to survive. We have primal setbacks still stuck in our brain like being hungry, desiring a partner or family.
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So why are we so bound to it? People complain all the time "ugh I'm so old now!" to me...When they're in their literal 20s or 30s. Like...What are you literally complaining about? Time? It annoys me. But. I'm also a hypocrite for it. As time bothers me too. Not aging, I still find annoying, when people claim how old they are and how they've already lived their life, when their life hasn't even started. Almost like throwing it away and taking for granted. I hate that notion so much. I mean yeah, I don't wanna exist on this planet either, I get. But I don't go "I'm so old! I'm so old!!", all the damn time despite being 18 already, which is adult, so calling someone old in this age is honestly fair. I consider calling someone or yourself old only valid, once you're minimum 80 years old. I truly do. Around 80, you've lived your life, you've seen everything, you've experienced everything (and even in such an age you'll still find out new things and also could gain new hobbies or interests like crocheting or books for example so even THEN that claim is stupid).
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Time annoys me. The construct of time annoys me. Me not being able to wrap my tiny, smooth brain around it annoys me. It. Annoys me. To a deep level. I almost wish, that time wouldn't exist, honestly. But that could be for my simple disdain of numbers and calculating or guessing numbers at all.
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Don't let time rob you of opportunities or chances, age of hobbies or new interests/experiences. "Stop approaching it like a total cynic", I tell myself. But I can't, when people all around me take it so much for granted. You have all the literal time in the world. To start anything. Do anything. So don't complain to me, that you've already done everything. Because truly, have you? I doubt it. I doubt you're already trilingual, can fluently dictate haikus at the top of your brain, know how to use certain power-tools for professionals, hell might have parenting experience. Crap like that. Have you learned anything at all? Do you have no curiosity for this world that awaits you?
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I wake up sometimes being my worst critic, my best fan, wake up with the wrong foot and am a total cynical jerk. And sometimes I wake up and can be the most optimistic, naive idiot you'll know. And it all fluctuates. Just like time fluctuates. At the end of the day, we're all just part of time's scheme, at the end of the day..We all don't matter to time. Or what it thinks. But it matters to me, how you think about yourself. Stop putting yourself down and just try something new already damn it, stop telling yourself you've already done and seen everything, when the crack of dawn hasn't even faded.
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As one of my favourite Paramore titles; For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic.
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I feel like that title a lot. I'm tired of my own cynicism, I'm tired of my own optimism. I wish I could just pick a side and live with it already. Getting annoyed over essentially irrelevant daily topics..Or just trying to give people some hope to not give up on themselves, like I have so many times years ago.
#mental health awareness month#mental health awareness month 2023#pondering#thinking#honest thoughts
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Suicide prevention month. You are worth it.
#suicide prevention#suicide prevention month#suicide prevention awareness#suicide awareness month#suicide awarness#suicide prevention month 2023#mental health awareness#hello kitty loves you
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Eunhyuk donate 40,04 million won to support children and adolescents taking care of sick family member at an age when they need to be taken care of ❤️🩹
On April 4, the Green Umbrella Children's Foundation said "On Eunhyuk's birthday, the Super Junior member donated 40,040,000 won to support children and adolescents who care for relatives (children and adolescents who care for relatives or relatives who have difficulties such as disabilities, illnesses and mental illness).
The donation delivered by Eunhyuk is the amount raised by adding the proceeds from Eunhyuk's fan meeting held on March 30th & Eunhyuk's personal expenses. Eunhyuk said, "Since I was a child, seeing my father working at a child welfare center, I wanted to become a person who can help children when I grow up."
Choi Woon-jung, director of the Green Umbrella Children's Foundation's Seoul Regional Headquarters 2, said “I am grateful to Eunhyuk for taking an interest in children and adolescents taking care of their families, a blind spot in child welfare, and spreading a good influence."
Eunhyuk continues to do good deeds since 2021, such as donations to support children's housin.
#when the event for his birthday was announced it seemed strange to me that it was paid because the last few years were small and free events#but now I understand why he did it :')#that the number of the donation is the month and day of his birthday is a nice detail... 🤍#the years go by more and I feel that hyukjae is becoming more aware that from his position he can help many people...#his father and his family are a great inspiration to him because together despite everything they have been able to get ahead#sir lee thank you for being a great inspiration to hyukjae and please continue to be that protective angel for hyukjae and his family 🤍#thank you honey family for raising a great human being like lee hyukjae and make him happy every day#thank you hyukjae for also taking into account the people who are struggling with mental health problems#as a person who is part of that percentage it makes me feel visible and heard#and that this donation happens right at this moment when I am trying to cope with my condition is like a sign that I should keep trying#I love you and thank you for being my lifeline every time I want to stop fighting ❤️🩹#i am prod of being your fan 🤍#mine: appreciation post#eunhyuk birthday 2023#eunhyuk#hyukjae#super junior#suju#kpop#donations#children#adolescents#relatives#disabilities#illnesses#mental illness#south korea#love
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I used Zeke, one of my male OCs who struggle with mental health issues, to make this piece for Men's Mental Health Awareness Month a few days ago. I've been meaning to make this way earlier in the month, but I was very busy with things in my personal life (especially school). I'm free now, though. Anyways, I appreciate all of my male followers, and I hope you know that you matter, and remember to take care of yourself today and every day!
#mens mental health awareness month#mens mental health awareness month 2023#mens mental health awareness#mens mental health#mental health#mental health awareness#mental health matters#OC art#OC#furry#furry art#digital artwork
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Forgive and Forget,Those Who Hurts Me and Didn't Believe In Me, Didn't Understand Me , Blaming Me That's Always My Fault.Its Was My Mental illness,That The Brain Wasn't Getting The Right Treatment,Taken The Wrong One , Without The Right Medicine, The Brain Will Be Unbalance. With The Right Dose,It Will Function Very Well, Will Be In Balance.That Would Act Certain Way, Without Thinking Straight,Not Knowing What Was Going On,That Would Say Get It Over and Done ,it Will Pass ,The Depression Always Be Part Of Me,There The Right Way To Get Better and Hope.At The End Is Always A Rainbow 🌈😃.
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Night & Day Poetry Collection: Day 3
#Poetry #Collection - combining #Escapril poems with my #MentalHealthAwarness Poetry Initiative poems to tell my #burnout story.
MHAPI 2023 / Night & Day Poetry Collection – Day 3
Day 3: consultation
I don’t know what I was expecting when I was screaming into the void of people who have only ever valued me as long as I had something to provide –people who see me as an “out of sight, out of mind” trophy to brag about; I never wanted to be the favorite because good days always come to an end; Maybe the problem…
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#burn out#mental health#mental health awareness#mental health awareness month#mhapi#mhapi 2023#Poetry#poetry collection
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Veterans Share How Mental Health Support Helped Shape Who They Are Today
With the support of their loved ones, communities and care teams, countless Veterans have learned to manage their mental health symptoms and thrive. Veterans often come through mental health treatment with a renewed sense of self, purpose and hope. But not every Veteran seeks the care that could help them heal, manage their symptoms or adjust to the new reality of civilian life.
To encourage…
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#Mental Health#Mental Health Awareness Month#Mental Health Month#Mental Illness#MHAM#MHAM 2023#MHM#MHM 2023#Veterans#Veterans Mental Health
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Did I make a mistake?
As you're all well aware of I said goodbye to my blogs and Tumblr thinking my decision was final. However after reading all your wonderful messages I started to have doubts about my decision. So for the last few weeks I've been trying to pinpoint why I thought I had fallen out of love with high end fashion as well as Tumblr itself and the answer has been in front of my face for the best part of four years. A broken down friendship that has been plaguing my mental health… until recently and I'm going to finally explain why.
I had a best friend for the best part of 15 years that went downhill both slowly and unexpectedly. We met on a forum back in 2005 and hit it off instantly. We then met up and went on various holidays, attended concerts together, did mini weekend breaks away and got to know each other's families really well. More importantly they were the only person in my life who knew about this blog and shared my love for high end fashion. Like most friendships though it had its ups and downs but no matter what we always gravitated back towards one another, until March 2020. A week or so before COVID and lockdown took hold of our lives they told me they had met someone. I was genuinely happy for them, except for the fact they had let slip that I was the last person to know. This broke my heart and their trust as they continued to let slip more details that indicated that I was being pushed out in favour of a new crowd (aka university friends who they had told me they disliked a few months beforehand) alongside their new partner.
They stayed with their partner on and off throughout COVID and I was either pushed out the door or let back in depending on their relationship status. The relationship came to an end for good towards the end of 2022 and as always I was let back into their life with plans for 2023 being made. However I held back knowing the hurt it would cause me if things suddenly changed again. This was also my breaking point with them as I wanted to protect my heart from anymore hurt, and I believe this is where my love for creativity began to faulter. Whilst I found my love for gaming I felt this mental block around Evermore-Fashion and Evermore-Grimoire which I thought was down to my passions changing. I was clearly wrong. The friendship was up and down for another six months, until last summer. They had got back in contact with me despite the fact they had started acting cold towards me which manifested in a crap Christmas and Birthday. Yet I was still willing to hear their side of the story, but it never came as they ghosted me and I haven't spoken to them since which hasn't been fun to deal with both mentally and emotionally. Although I now fully believe this is what was killing my spirit and everything I had loved for so long.
Anyway fast forward to January 2024, I've said goodbye to my blogs and Tumblr when lo and behold I come across a social media post that changed everything. The ex friend had written something personal that contradicted everything they had told me (over their relationship break up) which not only angered me but it lit a fire under my butt to stop stewing in the "what ifs?" as well as holding on to a small bit of hope that they'd finally apologise for treating me like a piece of shit on the back of their shoe for so long. Not only that but I started to miss why I enjoyed being online in the first place. I checked out Vogue to see what was occurring during Paris Fashion Week and I yearned to share the Spring 2024 Couture collections on Tumblr (even though I still think it's still a toxic cesspit). Yes I could easily start this up on Wordpress or Instagram but let's face it, Tumblr is still the easiest place to start blogging creatively. So here I am. The fog surrounding my love for fashion has lifted alongside the mental and emotional baggage I've been holding on to for far too long.
There's just one thing I'm still wondering though… do you guys forgive me (as I feel like I've messed you all around ) and is it okay to come back? 🥹
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You do a lot of really cool stuff and you do it As You. How do you overcome the fear of being Perceived and Known? Especially when the stuff you're raising awareness about is controversial or big? I have anxiety and while the "fuck it we ball" mindset has gotten me fairly far, I still find myself regretting putting myself out there or regressing back into a shut in.
i feel like what helped me kinda deal with getting pretty well known is probably not really applicable to many other people, because most of it really was that ive just been slowly more and more exposed to a bigger and bigger level of fame since i was like 16 or so. long before i was at the point i am now i was a really well known person in the android modding community and then the broader and broader tech community, i definitely didn't deal super well with some of my first minutes of fame and there's lots of stuff i regret (i def let it get to my head for a while and because i was also slowly burning out at the time i was quite an asshole to a lot of people). i don't think that was necessarily the best for me at the time, but i learned some lessons especially about community building and i did a lot of media work already at the time so ive been honing my communications skills for almost 10 years at this point.
i first started blowing up with hacktivism related stuff around 2019, and then everytime i did again it was bigger and bigger, making massive international headlines for the first time in 2021 (with the verkada story). i still fucked up a lot and got very stressed at that time, especially with my mental health being extremely abysmal and paranoia growing as state repression became inevitable.
after the indictment in 2021 i did more and more press work again (there are lots of portraits of me from that era) but still wasn't like A Celebrity except for those brief moments, which (as i took a break from hacktivism) gave me some more time to grow and learn. by the time the no fly list hack happened in 2023 i had been spending a few months already doing various smaller cyber security related work and working with many of my journalist friends in the industry. in a lot of ways the no fly list leak and the media reaction to it was just routine work for me already at that point, which i think allowed me to take in all the social fame way better as well. it still all felt quite surreal, but i was already mostly media trained, had quite a bit of experience with working with an audience already so it was just kind of a matter of adapting to my new environment.
this isn't to say i was like specifically working towards fame (especially this level) but ive always cared about community/audience building and media communication. i don't think im like "fake" or whatever, but you do have to consider that despite my laid back style im still someone with an autistic special interest in personal branding and media communications. i just don't wanna do that for corporations or for profit and instead use it for my activist and journalist self advocacy to give things a platform.
#(there is also a lot of privilege that goes into a lot of this ofc#but i wanted to focus more specifically on how i deal with fame so nonchalantly)#long post
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"Parents of tweens will likely be aware of the daily battle over when to give their child a smartphone. They are probably forced into discussing it over breakfast, on the school run, at bedtime – after all, no kid wants to be left out if their friends all have one.
Which is why a town in Ireland came together to devise a solution.
Parents and teachers in Greystones, County Wicklow, launched a town-wide ‘no-smartphone code’ in May, when headteachers from the town’s eight primary schools wrote to parents asking them to sign up to the ban. By coming together en masse, the thinking went, parents could do away with the peer pressure around smartphone ownership.
Now, ministers in the Irish cabinet have approved new guidelines on the banning of smartphones in school, which were brought by education minister Norma Foley on 7 November. The proposals would help parents to collectively implement smartphone bans, with government support. Ministers are also considering outlawing the sale of smartphones to all children of primary school age.
“We can already see smartphones creeping into our primary schools,” explained Rachel Harper, headteacher at St. Patrick’s school, which led on the initiative. “Parents, even at the junior end, were already getting worried about what age their kids were going to be asking for smartphones.”
Parental concerns around the dangers of smartphones are justified, according to the latest scientific research. In 2020, a systematic review of academic studies investigating smartphones, social media use and youth mental health found that, in the last 10 years, mental distress and treatment for mental health conditions had risen in parallel with the use of smartphones by children and adolescents...
There’s also a desire, said Christina Capatina, a Greystones parent whose daughters are aged 11 and nine, to prioritise face-to-face interactions over digital ones for as long as possible. “Childhood is getting shorter,” she said. “It’s really important for them to be in a place where they can be happy and enjoy being out, just being children.”
Parents in Greystones are now empowered to hold off giving their kids access to the devices until the age of 12, when they transition to secondary school in Ireland.
Eight months since the ban came in, what has its impact been? “It has completely solved the problem,” said Capatina. “Instead of having long conversations about it, this is so simple.”
The code is voluntary, so some parents have chosen not to take part, but enough have signed up to create a sense of phoneless-ness being the norm. While some in the media have argued that the code demonises technology, Harper refutes this: “We’re not against technology. We’re not against phones. We’re just simply asking them to wait till secondary school.” [Again, that's age 12 in Ireland.]
She said the launch of their no-smartphone code led to school principals all over the world getting in touch with messages of support, an indication it seems of how universal parents’ fears over childhood smartphone use are.
And with ministers now working on guidelines for communities that wish to follow in Greystones’ footsteps, Harper is proud of all she and fellow parents have achieved. “It’s nice to be an ambassador in a positive way,” she said.
-via Positive.News, November 17, 2023
#smartphone#parenting#primary school#technology#big tech#mental health#teen mental health#ireland#peer pressure#protecting children#good news#hope
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Sony will release a new animated short titled “The Spider Within: A Spider-Verse Story” on Sony Pictures Animation’s YouTube channel at 6 a.m. PT on March 27.
From Sony Pictures Animation and Sony Pictures Imageworks, the short is set in the world of “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” and follows Miles Morales/Spider-Man as he struggles to balance his responsibilities as a teenager, friend, student and Spider-Man. In navigating those pressures, Miles experiences a panic attack that forces him to confront the manifestations of his anxiety and learn that reaching out for help can be just as brave an act as protecting his city from evil.
The digital release comes in partnership with the Kevin Love Fund, and will be incorporated as part of the fund’s new mental health-focused lesson plan, “The Hero Within.” The lesson plan invites students to tell their own story through the lens of mental health awareness via an interactive curriculum including a creative storyboard activity.
“Miles represents so many of us doing the best we can in our day-to-day lives,” said Jarelle Dampier, director of “The Spider Within.” “We don’t often realize all that we’ve been through until our own body forces us to become aware of its experience. My intention is that ‘The Spider Within’ can motivate deeper conversations amongst friends & family about their own mental health journeys — and I hope it feels like a love letter to those who adore Miles Morales.”
KLF founder, professional basketball player and mental health advocate Kevin Love said, “My hope for the short film would be for everyone, especially young people, to understand that your feelings are valid and that you are not alone in this.”
Love continued, “You see it with Spider-Man in the short film, where Miles has a trusted confidante. He is able to take a walk with his dad and express what he’s going through. We can all learn from that – how important it is to reach out to someone, express your true emotions, speak your truth and not hold everything inside.”
“The Spider Within: A Spider-Verse Story” debuted at Annecy in 2023 and was developed and produced in the inaugural year of Sony Pictures Animation and Sony Pictures Imageworks’ Leading and Empowering New Storytellers (LENS) program, a nine-month leadership training program that provides candidates from underrepresented groups with an opportunity to gain valuable leadership experience in animation. The final deliverable of the program is an all-original short film, set in the existing world of a feature produced by Sony Pictures Animation and Sony Pictures Imageworks.
“The Spider Within: “A Spider-Verse Story” is written by Khaila Amazan, and produced by LENS program creators Michelle Raimo-Kouyate and David Schulenburg. Rounding out the LENS team are Clara Chan who served as vfx supervisor and Joe Darko who served as animation supervisor.
#marvel#marvel comics#marvel universe#marvel spiderman#spider man#spiderman#spider man into the spider verse#spider man across the spider verse#spider verse#the spider within#miles morales#sony pictures entertainment#sony pictures#sony pictures animation#the spider within a spider verse story
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The desire to be desired. (Mental Health Awareness Month, May 2nd)
No one wants to be a failure. No one wants to be left behind. Everybody wants to be somebody, to someone. But sometimes that thought just isn't enough. Sometimes, a personal demon craves so much more. Wants so much more. It's hard, on certain days, to put the needy side back into its place. But well all have a need. We all need someone.
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I always try to do my best. But sometimes my best is too much for people. I always try to care. But sometimes I do it too much, to a point it's becoming clingy. Finding a middle-ground, is something I desire and hope for some day. I want to be someone, for someone else. I want to take care of people and receive the same care, a balance. This grasping at a perfect life, the perfect relationships, the need to be acknowledged, just as I rambled about yesterday, is a deep desire, no one'll fulfil. Unless I go seeking them out myself, alone, afraid, broken due to all the holes I gained in my back, from the people who relentlessly stabbed it. A diamond in the dozen, that will take years to find. Maybe centuries. An old home, I have to escape, be meta-physical or simply physical. I try to be strong, I tell myself to be strong, but sometimes it's not enough. All the time it's not enough. It'll never be enough. As we all have flaws, we feel, we can't fix. But some day, maybe. Some day, we'll find what we're searching for, and it'll stop this maddening, endless cycle of desperation. If others can't love you how you want it to be, you love yourself how you want it to be. To be one's own individual, is something we should all strive for, instead of that urge to impress, the urge to be acknowledged, the urge. To simply live with someone who tolerates you.
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Thoughts I had years ago, when I was stuck in a mental spiral. I found my home of friends I feel comfort with, I've started to try to figure myself out lately, I recently gained a piece of my identity, for the first time in my life. It's a small step in the right direction, and with enough therapy, some day I'll rid of those tempting, self-degrading, desperate thoughts, screaming at me to do something. Impulsively almost. Feeling individual and freeing yourself of the constant need to be surrounded by people, has been eye-opening for me. As I continue to shed people, who are, and never have been my friends, instead of thinking we are by merely having talked twice in a year, it feels good to know my self-worth. Ceasing to surround myself with a dead crowd, who'd absolutely not care about what'd happen to me or if I'd be dead. People like those. Who practically do not exist nor make an impact in your day.
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If you have such people in your life like above, they are not your friends. They are a stranger you talked to. They essentially know nothing about you and they're not worth your time or nerves. Take your free time back to be yourself. Take your free time back, to find the people, who value their time with you and actually want to return and talk to you. Stop disillusioning yourself, that you really need those people, who don't need you. Free yourself of caring too much. Free yourself of over-thinking relationships. If you don't talk much, nor can't recall things about them, you were never friends.
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I hope, this post might help someone out there who's struggling just like me, with their confusion about unresponsive and unwilling friends. People you should hesitate to call friends. I hope, that someone, out there, might get the same epiphany I had, that ultimately improved upon their life and mental state. The farther you stay from the internet, the more free you are of bad actors, who're willing to ruin and destroy you.
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As for the lyrics I talked about yesterday, here's a snip I thought of right off the bat after posting that for yesterday essentially.
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It'd be the best
to keep my ego in check
and try to stay
in my own damn lane.
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It really is a damn shame,
don't you say?
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It's hard to be nice
when I was worn down for so long
by the world itself
I had to be so strong.
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But if I blink now
I'll miss it
the strength I gathered
to just embrace it
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Life can be like that sometimes I know.
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But here we are, existing all alone.
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a tiny fleck
on this planet
that we call home.
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we destroy it
and then complain
about it on a forum.
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If I learn guitar properly some day..This might become a real song. I'd love for it to be real honestly. I love writing lyrics on the go so much. I just have such a natural flow and focus, to get into it, really.
#pondering#thinking#mental health awareness month 2023#mental health awareness month#think about it#think for yourself#lyrics#lyrics i made up
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Informative post about what's currently going on involving Nexus Mods, Valerie Silverhand, Zwei/Rockergirlfriend, and others
I'll try to keep this as unbiased as possible
Screenshots's source will stay anonym
Feel free to ignore the post or to share it
Most importantly, form your own opinions
▶ Links - Please read the post for context
imgur album on current event | Zwei past behavior 2022
| Valerie's added context (available in the replies)
| My own last conversation with Zwei
The post will link specific pictures from the linked imgur albums
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Last month, a Nexus User by the name AnciLove uploaded a V preset on Nexus Mods - now deleted
This preset share similarities with Zwei/Rockergirlfiend's V
Whenever this was a bait or not doesn't really matter*
(*see the 2022 album for why it doesn't matter)
Rockergirlfriend stepped in to call out the modder on their behavior
Followed by MeltingAngels multiple comments on their mods and pictures
ValerieSilverhand decided to step in and report Rockergirlfriend's and MeltingAngels's harassements to NexusMods, using a throw away account
NexusMods are strictly against having multiple accounts; it backfired, resulting in a ban of her main account and the report being made public
ValerieSilverhand made a post on Twitter, sharing her stance against bullying
Multiple people are pointing out the public Nexus report, mentioning how Valerie herself was banned for harassement, which is technically false, the ban being for multiple accounts
Emmjay | Adshield | Lucent | BusyVampire | Sneaky
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Now for more context - Again, I will TRY to stay unbiased
I will start by sharing this imgur album, compiling posts from Idylla (@/IdillysSFW) who called out Zwei's behavior back in 2022
Zwei has been harassing people, either actively or passively, for the past 3 years; multiple proofs exist of this despite the fact that Zwei has the habit of deleting her DMs with people
⚠ Biased information / Personal experience
Zwei and I used to interact back in 2022 and she often vented in our DMs about people's oc looking "too similar" to her own V for her comfort, often going into their DMs to "confront" them about the "copying" - Again, I do not have proof of it, the DMs being wiped on both sides
Back on topic with the current drama
People who know the kind of person she is can be intimidated or scared of what she can do; even if the legal threats and laywers she use are fake, it can still affect someone's mental health greatly
Valerie Silverhand decided to create a throw away account to report Zwei's behavior to NexusMods, in the hope of staying anonymous
As mentioned in the begining of the post, it backfired
In NexusMods's moderators eyes, Valerie had 4 accounts, which is strictly against the rules
In February 2024, Valerie created (and since deleted) an account to post this comment on one of BusyVampire mod
BusyVampire reported the comment to Nexus
In December 2023, her husband (who lives in the same house and share the same IP) posted this comment on one of Adshield mod
Adshield reported the comment to Nexus
I haven't found anything tied to the DawnJulio9403 account
NexusMods's Moderators, looking at Valerie's IP already being tied to two reported comments, banned her account(s) under the Multiple Accounts Abuse rule
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I am not involved in this situation but I choose to speak up about it, to write this post, for multiple reasons
The main reason being to educate/make people aware of Zwei's behavior before they choose to support her/side ""with her""
What is happening to Valerie Silverhand, this harassement from Zwei and her friends, isn't fair
It's easy to follow the loud crowd, especially when they are modders, virtual photographers that people look up to
But it's important to form your own opinion; and for that, it's necessary to know the full picture, to understand why something happened the way it did
We are all humans and we ALL make mistakes
I fully understand how frustrating it is to see someone, who did so much wrong to so many people, being praised, but creating side accounts to leave hateful comments on content you don't like isn't the way to go; use the block button, it's here to help you curate your space
Feeling icked or triggered by someone's OC doesn't give you any right to "claim" a look either; you can NOT harass people because their OC look "too similar" for your own comfort. Nobody owns vanilla CC options, nobody owns makeup or hair colors, and nobody other than Mike Pondsmith himself owns the terms "Rockerboy" and "Rockergirl"; once again, use the block button, curate your space
Despite my own stance and opinion on the matter, I'm not here to tell you who to """believe"""" / """"support"""" / whatever, take everything you see from anyone with a grain of salt
I simply hope this post can help those who are confused right now in what's going on, and to help y'all to form YOUR own opinion with all the informations I have available on the current situation (and I do not know/have access to everything either)
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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 23
Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC
New as of 10/06/2023
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REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.
Series Rating: Explicit (18+)
Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.
Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.
Chapter Quote:
You meeting someone?
It had been three months since I left Dieter behind. All things considered, I felt like I had handled it well. Most days I managed to get through my routine without thinking of him, throwing myself into work and small craft projects. The paparazzi appeared to have gotten bored with following me around since there was no story to report on. I wouldn’t interact with them and there had been no sightings of Dieter and I together. The assumption was that we had split, and any drama related to said split had passed. Not having the paps shouting questions and sticking a camera in my face on my daily commute to the office made a huge difference in keeping him off my mind.
Staying away from social media and tabloid sites had also been crucial in being able to get back to some kind of normalcy. It had become vital to keep this distance, because Dieter was all over the news feeds due to his reinvigorated party boy ways. He didn’t seem like the same person anymore and it was too painful to see it over and over. As far as I knew he hadn’t been home during any of his filming breaks, and with the production of his movie wrapping up soon, I was anxious to know if he would finally come back to LA. Part of that anxiety was rooted in my concern about running into him. No matter how many times I had tried to imagine it, I wasn’t sure how I would handle suddenly being face-to-face with him again.
I would be lying if I said that I was over him. There was no doubt in my mind that I will always love him. How could I not? He had changed me for the better and helped me through a rough time in my life. During the time that we had been together, and he had been doing well, life had been so much more fulfilling. He showed me what it was like to be loved and appreciated. What it meant to be truly happy. Perhaps even more than that, he had given me the confidence to be myself. I could honestly say that I didn’t know any of that until him. I was able to acknowledge that he did all that for me, but at the same time I had also become mostly numb about it all. Maybe it was the anger, maybe it was denial, or maybe I had figured out how to move on without him. Either way, I felt like I was going to be ok, and I had accepted that he wasn’t going to be a part of my life anymore.
It was late on a Wednesday evening when I got news that he was back. Lauren texted me to let me know he had been spotted at one of the fancy restaurants that all the celebrities tended to hang out at. Unsurprisingly, he had been there with Anna and a handful of other people. I had asked Lauren not to tell me anything she read about him, but I still found myself grateful to get the warning. At least now I was aware that there was a possibility of running into him, so it wouldn’t catch me completely off guard. What I didn’t realize is how soon that would happen.
The following morning, I was surprised to receive a call from Ethan Carrington. He called to let me know that he was in town and wanted to have dinner to catch up. I thought it was a little odd, but he was one of our top tier clients, so I agreed to meet him that evening. I wasn’t surprised when he proposed meeting at one of the most upscale restaurants in town. We made plans to meet there by 7 PM and he let me know a table had already been reserved under his name.
To say I was flustered by the time I left the house was an understatement. All my afternoon meetings had run over, causing me to finish up work much later than I had planned. I had to rush to find something to wear, then shower, and get ready. To save some time, rather than trying to tame my hair, I blow dried it and pulled it back into a sleek low bun, then threw on a light layer of makeup. I got dressed in a navy sleeveless scoop neck A-line chiffon dress that had an asymmetrical bottom and was embellished with a sash around the waist. I dug out my matching navy peep toe high heels with ankle straps to wear, then quickly grabbed my purse and walked barefooted to the car.
With traffic slowing me down as usual, I made it to the restaurant with only minutes to spare. Luckily it had valet parking, so I didn’t have to worry about finding a spot. I did feel slightly embarrassed about making the valet wait while I put my shoes on. He assured me that this wasn’t even close to the strangest thing he dealt with, and we had a good laugh about it as he waited patiently for me to exit the vehicle.
As I was walking up the few steps to the entrance, carefully watching my feet to avoid tripping in my hurried pace, I was stopped in my tracks by a set of feet that had come to a standstill directly in front of me. When I looked up, my breath caught in my throat. Dieter and Anna stood in front of me, staring back at me and saying nothing. Dieter looked tired, the telltale sign of dark circles under his eyes revealing his sleep problems were probably still very present. His hair was longer than it had been the last time I saw him, and it was styled into soft, messy curls. He was dressed in charcoal dress pants with a black button up dress shirt. As usual, the top button was open, and the sleeves were rolled up. He also had his glasses on. A little voice in the back of my mind begrudgingly pointed out that he looked just as sexy as always. Still, something was off about him; it was clear in his fidgety body language, and particularly the turbulent look in his eyes.
My eyes widened as I took him in, my body almost reeling just as strongly as my mind did. “Dieter…umm hi,” I stuttered out. I was startled by his sudden appearance and did not know what to say or how to act. His stare shifted into an unsettling smirk, his dilated pupils making his eyes look darker than usual, and by the way he tipped his head back slightly I could tell that he shifted into performance mode, emitting a boisterous energy that became even clearer when he spoke.
“I’m surprised to see you at a place like this. You meeting someone?”
His tone sounded heavy, maybe even a little hostile. Ah, so that’s how this was going to go.
“Yes, I am.” I inhaled deeply and straightened my shoulders, unwilling to play whatever game he was trying to set up here.
“A guy?” He stared directly into my eyes as he spoke, unblinking, and it struck me how empty the expression on his face was. It was almost like he wasn’t in there and someone else was pulling his strings.
“Not that it’s really any of your business, but yes. It’s a guy.” I didn’t break eye contact, hoping that I was able to keep a neutral expression on my face. All of it felt like a test, but I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to show him that I could easily pass it. Maybe the best response was no response at all.
He pursed his lips and arched his eyebrows before he shook his head, his eyes shifting downcast momentarily before he looked back up at me. Straightening up as he gathered his composure.
“Well, I hope you get to know this one a little better before jumping into bed with him. Assuming he goes for this whole… polished stepford wife look or whatever this is,” he said, his voice having just the slightest slur to it.
I could feel my jaw tighten, my eyes blazing with anger that his words suddenly re-kindled in me. I gave him a tight smile in return.
“Hmm,” I said, shaking my head slightly from side to side as I rubbed the fingers of my right hand across my bottom lip in disgust. He continued to stare at me expectantly, clearly wanting a response, and I had to look away for a moment before I met his intense gaze again. “I see what you’re doing, you know. Don’t worry, it’s still working.” I paused briefly, “So, fuck you.”
“Ooh, you already did that, sweetheart. A whole fuckin’ lot.” He gave me a cunning smile, teeth bared for a moment as there was nothing friendly or sweet about it.
I could feel my face tensing further at his combative remarks. I knitted my brows together and shook my head from side to side again. He was clearly trying to piss me off, and it was working. He knew exactly what to say to push my buttons. I wasn’t even going to attempt to understand why he was being like this, it simply hurt too much. I didn’t want to engage in an argument. I just wanted to protect myself from more pain.
Anna chuckled as she leaned in to break the intense stare that I was giving Dieter, “Damn, you’re a feisty one, aren’t you.”
I gave her a tight smile wrapped up in thinly veiled contempt. “I suggest that you don’t fucking speak to me,” I said very quietly, for a moment actually entertaining the thought of punching her in her smug little face.
She backed away slightly and grabbed onto Dieter’s arm, moving so that he was positioned between us. Clearly, my intimidation attempt struck its mark with her.
My attention was drawn away from them when I heard someone call my name. When I turned, I saw Carrington walking towards me from the entrance of the restaurant. Trying to shift gears, I tried to relax my face and gave him a polite smile as he approached. He looked like he had just stepped off the set of a James Bond film in the expensive tailored suit he was wearing, oozing confidence, and looking just as handsome as I remembered.
“There you are, I was beginning to think you stood me up,” he said with a joking tone as he leaned in to give me a small kiss on the cheek. “You look nice,” he added as he pulled away with a wide smile on his face, his eyes warm as he gave me a quick once-over.
“Ethan, thank you! Sorry, I was just catching up with some friends,” I said dryly, glancing back toward Dieter, who was now radiating disdain. His jaw twitched as glared at Carrington, his eyes narrowing and somehow turning even darker as he glanced at Carrington’s hand that now rested on the small of my back. Correcting himself, his eyes quickly moved back up to meet my gaze.
I didn’t flinch as we locked eyes and spoke up, “I guess I’ll see you around. Have a good evening.”
I gave them both a sarcastic smile. Carrington’s hand stayed on my lower back as he guided me toward the entrance. I may not have wanted to engage in the game that Dieter seemed to play, but part of me enjoyed that it clearly bothered him to see me with another man. A handsome one at that. Even if it was a work meeting, which he didn’t know.
As we were being led to our table, I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I wasn’t even upset about seeing Dieter, only livid about his attitude and the way he had spoken to me. The waiter seated Carrington and I next to a window toward the front of the restaurant, handing us the menus which we looked at in a comfortable silence. From the corner of my eye, I could see Dieter and Anna were still outside, waiting for their car. She was on her phone, but he had spotted me through the window and just stood there, staring with his hands pushed into his pockets. I tried not to look directly toward him, but that didn’t stop me from peeking over my menu every so often to see if he was still there. Despite all the bravado that had been there earlier, and the confidence with which he had carried himself, he looked like a broken man now. It tugged at my heartstrings as I wished I knew what was going through his mind. I could tell the cocky front he was putting up had diminished to something that resembled hurt or maybe even regret. All the showmanship had left his stance as he seemed to be unaware of what happened around him, Anna even needing to pull him aside when someone tried to walk past them. Luckily, the valet pulled up with their car right after that, so I didn’t have to endure that sight for very long.
Carrington’s voice tugged me back into the present and out of my thoughts when he spoke up, “I would ask how you’ve been, but I think I may have a general idea of the answer.”
He gave me a sympathetic look before continuing, “That was him, wasn’t it?”
I smiled nervously as I glanced down at the table, wondering how much he knew. Probably everything there was to know publicly, be it true or false, “Yes, that was him.” I nodded as I looked back up at him, finding his eyes were as gentle as his voice had been when asking me the question. “I’m sorry my drama made me late and that everyone across the US knows about it, apparently.”
“Yeah, it was all over the news.” He seemed apologetic about it. “Hard to miss. I wasn’t sure if you needed rescuing or not, so I’m sorry if I interrupted something…”
“Not that I need rescuing…but thank you for that.”
He laughed, “Yeah, I doubt you do. You're pretty fierce on your own.”
His eyes stayed focused on my face, briefly dropping down to my lips when I smiled at his comment. I wasn’t sure how to take that, but I felt like he was possibly flirting. We were interrupted by the server coming over to take our order.
We proceeded with small talk while we waited for our food. He gave me an update on how the company was doing and mentioned the possibility of expanding soon, staying vague on the details. As we chatted, I noticed how attentive he was. Always looking me directly in the eye as I spoke, gesturing subtly to the waiter when he noticed I was low on water. We hadn’t really had a chance to interact outside of a business setting, so it was interesting to see him in a more personal manner and have an easy conversation. I was getting small glimpses of his personality that I hadn’t picked up on before. He was very witty and had a good sense of humor.
Once we started to dig into the main course, he got down to business.
“Well, I think we’ve run the gambit on small talk. I guess I should get to the reason I wanted to meet with you and stop beating around the bush.” He gave me a nervous smile. I gave him one in return, unsure of where this was going.
“I talked to Aubrey about this, and she indicated that you may be open to a change, given recent events and she’s supportive of it.” He gave me a small grimace, realizing that may not have been the best opener.
I smiled and motioned for him to continue.
“Our Chief Operating Officer will be retiring soon, and we’ll need a replacement. You’re the first person that came to mind for the position. I know, it’s a big change, so I don’t expect an answer now. I do, however, want to let you know that it’ll be a significant raise and we’ll cover the cost of any moving expenses and travel.”
Whatever I had been expecting from the meeting, this wasn’t it. He had my attention. “How significant?”
“Seven figures, significant.” He gave me a smirk as my eyes widened.
“COO…I mean, am I even qualified for that?” I laughed in disbelief.
“Well, you’re already basically telling me how to run my company and saved me a lot of money in the process. I’ve seen you in action. You have a brilliant mind, and your problem-solving skills are unlike anything I’ve ever seen. You’re also really good at handling difficult situations. Why wouldn’t I want that?”
He wasn’t wrong, he was indeed running his company based on my suggestions. I shook my head in agreement.
“It would require moving to New York though?” I asked, trying to process the information and what this all would mean for my future.
“Yes…and no. I would absolutely love for you to join us in New York. In fact, it’s my preference. However, like I said, we’re planning to expand. We’ll be opening another branch in Silicon Valley. I’ll need a COO there as well. Just know that if you choose that location, you’ll be building from the ground up. You’ll be fully involved with all planning. It’ll require you to spend some time in New York while we work out the details, but once everything is set, you would only need to travel occasionally. It also comes with slightly higher pay due to the extra work that’ll be involved.”
This time I sat with my mouth hanging open in shock, “I don’t even know what to say.”
“I don’t expect an answer right away. We have some time before I need to know.”
“I mean, it’s not a no. Umm, but I do have a lot to think through.” I reached for my water, taking a deep drink now that my mouth suddenly felt very dry.
“Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything else,” He took a bite of his food as he studied me, obviously trying to figure out where I stood on the offer.
He continued to tell me about the many benefits the company offered. He was trying his best to sell it to me. The offer was appealing and something I really needed to consider. We eventually moved on to other non-business related topics. It was nice getting to know him on a more personal level. Time seemed to fly by as we continued to chat, even after our meal was finished.
We finally decided to call it a night after he insisted on covering the bill. We walked out to collect our vehicles. While we waited, he leaned in to give me a polite goodbye kiss on the cheek, lingering slightly longer than what is socially acceptable. I got a whiff of his musky scent. I couldn’t deny, he smelled amazing. I cleared my throat as he pulled away, trying to correct my train of thought.
He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, I lingered. I made it awkward. Forget that happened.”
We both laughed. I caught myself biting my bottom lip, which seemed to briefly bring his attention back to my mouth again. Fuck. Was I flirting now? Thankfully, we were interrupted by the valet returning with his vehicle. Mine followed behind a few seconds later.
“We’ll talk soon. Have a good evening,” he finally said as he took his keys and walked toward the driver's side door, giving a charming smile as he went. I agreed and gave him a wave as I collected my keys and moved toward my own car.
My head was reeling during the entire drive home. I wasn’t sure what just happened, and I had conflicting feelings about the whole thing. Did we have vibes? Were we flirting? Also, what the hell was wrong with me for allowing that to happen? There was no way I could work for him under those circumstances. Not to mention what had happened with Dieter and Anna. I needed to talk through this with Lauren.
When I got home, I quickly changed into my pajamas, then facetimed Lauren. She didn’t answer. I gave it a few minutes then tried again. She answered on the second round, a surprised look clearly visible on her face despite the dim lighting around her.
“Talia? Something wrong? Why are you calling me back-to-back?”
“For starters, you signed up for excessive calls when you decided to be my friend,” I reminded her. “Also, don’t get me started on your texting habits.”
“Okay, what the hell has gotten into you?” She laughed as she shook her head, leaning behind her to switch a lamp on, which illuminated the view on my screen considerably.
“You’re not going to believe how my night has gone. I’m turning the tables; I’m the one that needs life advice.”
She had an odd look on her face and seemed to be distracted, her eyes trailing off as she looked at something off camera.
“Hello? Did you hear me?” I was pacing around my bedroom by this point, bursting to spill all the details of what had happened.
“Yeah, sorry, I heard you. What’s going on?” She seemed to have her focus back on me now.
I went into all the details of how the evening had gone from start to finish as I continued to pace around my room. I was feeling flustered and anxious about the whole thing the more I thought about it. I wasn’t even sure how to begin to make a decision about the job offer and I was completely avoiding my thoughts on Dieter. While his behavior pissed me off to no end, I couldn’t help but feel hurt all over again. Which was a feeling I didn’t want to acknowledge out of fear that it would send me spiraling all over again.
Lauren sat staring at her phone, wide-eyed. She looked overwhelmed with the word vomit I had just thrown her way.
“Ok, I need a minute to digest all of that,” she finally said. Her attention was again drawn to something else as an exasperated look formed on her face.
“What the hell are you doing over there? Is somebody there?”
“NO! No, it’s…” She appeared to swat at something before she continued, “it’s a cat. I have a cat. A stray. It’s not staying. It’s kind of an annoying jerk,” she said with a nervous laugh. I wasn’t sure if I bought that. I gave her a skeptical look.
“So, Dieter really said all of that to you? Seriously?” she asked, quickly changing the subject.
“Yes, he did. He was a total asshole. He looked like he was on something. He’s like a completely different person.” I shook my head in disbelief.
“Did you ever consider that maybe he’s trying to piss you off on purpose? To push you away?”
She had a sympathetic look on her face now.
“Oh, I know he was trying to do it on purpose. I know him well enough to know when he’s putting on a show. He’s just not usually so cruel about it. I don’t know why he’s being like that.” I shrugged, unsure of what else to say.
“Maybe you should try talking to him again. He’s kind of hardheaded. Perhaps putting some pressure on him might bring him back to his senses.”
“No, you know what, let’s just not focus on him.” I paused briefly, shaking my head again, “I don’t even want to think about him. He’s made it clear how he feels.”
“You can’t avoid it forever.” She gave me a pointed look.
I threw my hand up in frustration as I rolled my eyes, “I’m not avoiding it. I’m accepting the reality of the situation.”
Lauren rolled her eyes in return, “No, you're locking all those feelings away in a secret room in that pretty little head of yours and pretending they don’t exist. I know how you are. You’re both so fucking stubborn.”
I was taken aback by how blunt she was being. That was usually my role.
“Ok, whatever. Can we talk about Carrington now? What should I do about that? I mean, if I take the position in Silicon Valley, I wouldn’t really have to see him once things got settled. So, if there were vibes, it would be a non-issue, right?” I drew my brows down together as I contemplated that choice.
Lauren sighed heavily before she responded, “Look, I can’t tell you what to do about that. All I can say is don’t make a choice based on a man. Any man. You’ve wasted too much of your life doing that. Don’t take the job just because you want to get away from Dieter and don’t not take it because this Carrington guy may or may not have been flirting with you. You do what you want, then we will deal with what comes after.”
She was very matter of fact in her response. Even though that wasn’t the answer I wanted, I knew she was right. I needed to remove the men from the equation and figure out what I really wanted. Lauren spoke up again, pulling me from my thoughts, “Sorry to cut it short, but I gotta go. I need to feed this cat, so he’ll chill out.” She was fighting a smile.
“Why do I feel like you're talking in code about something else?” I gave her a confused look as she started to laugh.
“Oh, gotta go. We'll talk tomorrow. Bye.”
She did not even give me a chance to say bye before hanging up, “What the hell was that about?” I shook my head as I set my phone down on the docking station. There was definitely something going on; her behavior during the call was kind of bizarre, so was the excuse about the stray cat. As if I needed something else to wonder about.
I decided to finish getting ready for bed after that. Even though my mind was racing with so many different thoughts brought on by the day’s events, I was happy to settle in for the night. I laid there for some time, waiting for the melatonin to kick in. It seemed like it took a little longer than normal, but sleep did finally take me.
Two weeks after my dinner with Carrington, I still hadn’t decided. Luckily, he was understanding and said I still had some time to think about it. Lauren was still being weird and dodging questions. I had reached a point that I didn’t care what she was up to. If she wanted me to know, she would tell me. I already had too many things on my plate to worry about. Of course, the universe still wasn’t satisfied with my long list of troubles and decided to add to it.
I was sitting on the couch, attempting to read a book in between my spells of wandering thoughts, when the doorbell rang. To my surprise, it was Gabby. We hadn’t talked at all since news got out that Dieter and I were no longer together. She would send the occasional text to check in on me, but that’s it. Honestly, it was too hard for me to talk to her. It only made me miss him and the life we were building together even more.
Gabby greeted me with a tight hug. When she pulled away, I could see the worry in her eyes.
“I’m sorry to just barge in on you, but I wanted to talk to you in person.”
She gave me a nervous smile as I waved her in and led her over to sit on the couch. She had a tentative look on her face as she asked me how I was doing.
“I’m actually ok. I’ve just been keeping busy and focusing on work mostly.” It was hard to meet her gaze, because I knew that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to hold it together. Her eyes reminded me of her brother’s, which seemed to unearth the raw emotion that I had managed to keep locked away thus far. It was all simmering under the surface for me, and I knew it wouldn’t take much for it to start peeking its ugly little head out of its hidden room.
“Have you seen any of the gossip sites lately?” She started to rub her hands against her thighs, clearly nervous to bring up the topic of her brother.
“Uhm, no. I try to avoid all that stuff these days. I don’t want to know what your brother is up to.” My chest tightened at the mere thought of him. I rubbed my shoulder with my right hand, trying to remain calm and grounded. It was impossible though.
Gabby sighed heavily, “Talia, it’s getting bad,” she said, and I could hear how upset she was. “Every other night he’s out partying with Anna, and he’s gotten into several confrontations with random people at bars and clubs. He isn’t acting like himself at all. I think he’s using something, but I don’t know what it is. We tried to talk to him about it and now he won’t even speak to us. I’m really worried about him.”
I could feel her eyes on me as I stared at a random painting on the wall. Focusing on the swirls of color and different brush strokes to distract myself from what I was feeling.
“I’m not sure why you’re telling me this. I can’t do anything about it. He’s made it pretty clear how he feels.”
“I don’t know what his fucking problem is, but he loves you. I know he does. We could all see it. I think he would listen to you if you would just talk to him.” She had an edge to her voice as she spoke. She never took her eyes off me. I briefly glanced over at her. The fear in her eyes nearly broke me. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I looked back toward the painting.
“I tried Gabby. The night he called and ended it... I had a flight booked for the next day and he told me not to come. He lost his shit when I asked him if he was on drugs. He doesn’t want to talk to me.”
She reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly, “You should have gone anyway. I really think if he sees you in person, he’ll listen.”
“I saw him… Two weeks ago. He was an asshole and made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to speak to me.”
I let out a shuddered breath as I looked down at our hands. Telling her that I couldn’t do anything to stop her brother from hurting himself was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do.
“Maybe if we all tried. I’m pretty sure he has blocked everyone at this point, but we could all show up at his house and talk to him.” Her voice was strained. I could tell she was trying to keep her emotions in check as much as I was.
“Gabby, I just don’t think you can help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.”
I looked up at her and watched as she knitted her brows together at my words. A mixture of frustration and anguish written all over her face.
“You’re not even gonna try?”
“I can’t,” I said quietly. The tears finally spilled down my cheeks.
She shook her head from side to side, not understanding where I was coming from.
“Why not?”
“Because…if I give in, he’ll completely consume me. And if I can’t get through to him, then you’ll lose both of us. I know I won’t be able to come back from it and that scares the hell out of me.”
I could see the fight drain out of her body as she took in what I was saying. I cleared my throat.
“I guess I should probably tell you, I’ve uhm...been offered another job. I have a choice of going to New York or Silicon Valley. I haven’t made my final decision yet, but I’m leaning toward accepting one of them.”
She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer, “You guys are really over, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I think so.” I shook my head in agreement. The tears were now blurring my vision as I felt my face tighten. I gave up on trying to hold it back. She pulled me in for another tight hug.
“I want you to know that I still consider you to be part of this family. I don’t want you to forget that. I’m still holding out hope that fate will bring you guys back together somehow. I’m convinced you two are meant to be.”
I pulled away, giving her a small smile as I thanked her for being there for me when she didn’t have to be. She left soon after that with promises to keep in touch. After she was gone, I laid down on the couch. I stared at the ceiling for who knows how long, completely disassociating. Once I finally came back to my thoughts, I couldn’t help but to question every decision I was making. I felt lost and now I had the added concerns of Dieter’s wellbeing. I had managed to ignore that piece of the puzzle thus far by isolating myself from the knowledge of what he was doing. Now that I was aware, it was going to be hard continuing to ignore it.
A/N: Happy Friday y'all! How are we feeling about asshole Dieter? That was some seriously rude things to say to poor Talia. How about that dinner with Carrington and his offer (and maybe flirting)? And what the hell is Lauren up to? Also, Gabby is seriously breaking my heart right now.
So, just another warning...the next chapter is going to be A LOT. When I say they hit rock bottom, I mean it. It's all (slowly) uphill after that though... Chapter 24 is complete and currently with my beta. I'll post the teaser on Monday. The chapter will come as soon as we are done with final edits. 💜
Lastly, everyone give a big thank you to @for-a-longlongtime for her excellent beta skills. She never fails to take things up a notch.
Sound off about your thoughts and feelings for this chapter. You know it gives me life. 😉
As usual, I have included the mood board for this chapter below.
Next Chapter
Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @weho2kcmo @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @pedrostories
Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.
#dieter bravo#dieter x ofc#dieter bravo fic#Destiny & Deliverance Series#pedro pascal#pedro pascal characters#dieter bravo x ofc#pedro pascal character fanfic#pedro pascal fanfiction#Pedro Pascal Fanfic#dieter bravo x oc#dieter bravo fluff#dieter bravo fanfiction#pedro pascal smut#the bubble#the bubble fanfiction
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Happy International Women’s Day! Celebrating the impact of amazing women today, and every day. Here are just a few of the brilliant women we’ve been inspired by over the past 12 months. #IWD2024
After her daughter Brodie's death by suicide in 2020, Emma Webb launched a suicide prevention campaign. Brodie was a talented equestrian, which is what inspired @thewebstermwebb’s challenge pulling a life-size resin horse 160 miles from Chepstow to London.
Sarah Goldson has directed the @Wimbledon Ball Boy and Girl training since the 2012 Championships. The training helps develop life skills among young people, with 280 BBGs selected from local schools.
Vaitea Cowan is a co-founder of @Enapter, a company aiming to account for 10% of the world's green hydrogen by 2050. Enapter won the Fix Our Climate category at the 2021 Earthshot Prize and continues to thrive.
Bianca Sakol is the founder and CEO of @Sebbys_Corner, a shop-style baby bank which believes no child should go without the basic essentials they need to thrive. They provide a warm, welcoming environment and gives families choice and dignity to choose the items they need.
Mother and daughter, Jennifer and Emilia Clarke, were awarded MBEs for their brain injury charity work. They are co-founders of @SameYouOrg, a charity which develops better mental health recovery treatment for survivors and raises awareness around rehabilitation.
Dr. Gubby Ayida has been the CEO of @EvelinaLondon since May 2023 and oversaw its opening of the new Children’s Day Surgery Unit last year.
Wendy Simm was born and raised in Moss Side, Manchester and founded ‘Keeping It Real 24/7.’ The food bank focuses on delivering culturally important foods to those in need, such as yams and sweet potatoes, which generally are not provided by other food banks.
Captain Preet Chandi is a British Army Captain who holds three world records for polar trekking, most recently in December 2023 for becoming the world's fastest woman to complete a solo South Pole ski expedition.
Barbara Smith is a psychotherapist who has served over 16 years with @BritishRedCross, offering psychosocial support in disaster and war zones, aiding those in trauma.
Sarina Weigman began her role as England Women’s Head Coach in September 2021, leading The @Lionesses to Euro 2022 victory. She was presented with an Honorary CBE in June last year.
Renee Salt is a Holocaust survivor who was born in Zdunska Wola, Poland in 1929. She survived both Auschwitz and Belsen, but her family did not. Renee has spoken to thousands of young people as part of @HolocaustUK's programmes.
Professor Uzo Iwobi founded @rcccymru to boost art, heritage, and culture for minority groups in Wales. She empowers African Caribbean elders through learning initiatives and mentors young people to fulfil their aspirations.
In 2024, @hmsoardacious will be represented by Team Valkyrie, the first all-serving women's military team to row across the Atlantic. The @toughestrow challenge raises money for military charities and organisations that support veterans and their families.
- The Prince and Princess of Wales
#kensingtonroyal#international women's day 2024#prince of wales#princess of wales#kp twitter#kp tweets#8.03.2024#february24
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