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onlyhuis · 3 months

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midnight cravings

member — minghao x f reader genre — smut word count — 1.7k synopsis — what better way is there to get a good night's rest than having minghao fuck you to sleep? warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, unprotected sex, creampie, fingering, praise, nicknames (baby, honey, good girl), established relationship notes — june onlyhuis posting 2 days in a row... unheard of ! i was gonna wait a bit longer to post this but a) am impatient and b) i still feel bad about disappearing off the face of the earth for so long so i’m making up for it <3 pls feel free to reblog/comment/send an ask if you liked this!! i'm really trying to get back into writing again and any feedback helps me a ton :) enjoy!

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it's not often that you wake up in the middle of the night feeling restless.

sometimes it's because you desperately need a drink of water, and sometimes it's because you need to pee. sometimes it's because you had a nightmare that startles you so bad, you just need to lie awake for a second to calm yourself down.

but sometimes it's for a different reason. sometimes, you have a dream that's so good, you can't stop thinking about it when you wake up. thinking about… minghao.

rolling onto your side, you watch him, eyes still adjusting to the darkness as you try to ignore the throbbing between your legs.

as you start to wake up you notice the way his long hair falls across his face. his barely audible snores fill the room, the sound much too peaceful for the thoughts you're currently having.

you inhale quietly, hesitating as you debate your next move. finally you decide to reach out, tapping his shoulder as lightly as you can.

“hao?” you whisper, pushing the sheets down to your waist. seconds turn into minutes as you wait for a reply, but the snores continue.

you tap his arm again, almost holding your breath.

the snoring stops, so you whisper his name a little louder, hoping to wake him up gradually and not startle him. “minghao?”

there's a mumbled noise, then finally a “hmm?” as he lifts his head off the pillow.

you don't reply, not knowing quite how to reply, so he breathes out slowly and starts to shake himself away from sleep. “what time is it?”

“late,” you tell him hesitantly, voice hushed.

he squints his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again. “why're you up?”

you pause for a moment. “had a dream.”

“good one or bad one?”

you feel your cheeks burn, but it still doesn't compare to the heat building in the pit of your stomach. “good. really good.”

he hums with a little chuckle. he knows exactly what you want now, but he never lets you off easy. “and what do you need me for?” he asks.

you try to hold back a whimper, knowing you're gonna have to use your words if you want something. “fuck me back to sleep, hao, will you? please?”

your hand slips beneath the sheets, gently resting on his thigh before trailing over the waistband of his silk pajama pants. before you even touch him you know he's already starting to get hard, just from the sigh he lets out at the warmth of your palm against his leg.

“is that what you need, baby?” he asks, his voice breathy and deep from sleep. “need me to take care of you?”

you squeeze your thighs together impatiently. “please?” you ask again. you move your hand against his bulge, feeling his hips push up against you.

minghao groans, his hand on top of yours pressing into his cock. “roll onto your side,” he says, the words gentle but commanding.

you move to face away from him as he pushes up onto his elbows, leaning over your body and gently brushing your hair onto the pillow. “tell me about your dream,” he says, bending down to kiss your neck.

his lips are warm and distracting. “don't remember,” you sigh. “just thinking about you. always thinking about you.”

he hums against your neck and you can't help but smile. the action is so similar to what he'd do during the daytime, but at the same time so completely different. you love it when he's rough and hard and makes you feel like you're bursting at the seams, but you love the times like this too, whispers and spontaneous touches that feel almost like a dream.

his hand curls around your body, cold fingertips against your stomach making you shiver as they slowly move their way down between your legs and push your panties to the side.

“so wet already,” he whispers, running his finger between your folds. “have you been awake long?”

you gasp when he pushes into you, clenching around his index finger. “no,” you breathe out. “i woke you up as soon as i did.”

“you didn't even try to take care of it yourself?” he asks, and you can almost hear the proud grin in his words.

“knew you could do a better job,” you whine as he pushes another finger into your heat. “a-always take such good care of me, i just wanted you.”

“such a good girl for me,” he breathes out in agreement, and you hear him groan as he presses his bulge into the back of your thigh. “are you prepped enough or do you need more?”

“need your cock, hao, please?” you beg him, and reluctantly he pulls his fingers out of you but quickly replaces them with his cock.

it's completely dark in the room save for the moonlight shining through the window. but it doesn't take minghao long to position himself behind you, guiding his length between your legs with the practiced ease that could only come from knowing someone as long as you have.

“fuck… not gonna last long, honey,” he groans as he slides into you, gently holding your thighs apart.

he draws back out of you, pushing himself into you harder and harder with each snap of his hips. “don't need to, just don't stop,” you moan at the slow and rhythmic motion. “just make me cum.”

he leans over to kiss your temple, his body almost completely surrounding you under the covers. with his free hand he brushes your hair out of the way, cradling your head against his chest.

you can tell he's more tired than usual because of the languid pace he's set, giving you slow, deep thrusts that make you feel so light, like you'd float away from the bed if it weren't for his arms wrapped around you.

each stroke seems almost deeper than the last, and you swear you can feel every ridge and vein of his cock ingrained inside you.

he pauses for a beat, adjusting his hips to get a better angle. you gasp, back arching away from him as each thrust kisses you in the spot that makes your knees weak.

“right there—fuck! right there, please keep going,” you babble to him, balling your hands into fists and gripping your pillow as you struggle to find something to hold onto.

he doesn't say anything in reply, concentrated on keeping his pace.

your walls throb with pleasure and you're sure he can feel it too, judging by the guttural moans he lets out each time he pulls out of you.

“minghao, close, c-close!” you whimper, voice shaking as you try to warn him. it only takes a couple more deep thrusts before an orgasm overtakes you that blurs your vision with stars, and all you can do is gasp for breath as you shudder in his arms, clenching uncontrollably around his cock.

you release your grip on the pillow and move your hand onto his, squeezing him so tightly you think you might break him as you struggle to ride out the waves of pleasure.

he exhales sharply as his thrusts begin to get sloppier, and you know he's close, too.

“cum for me,” you plead, breathless whispers cutting through the dark. “wanna feel you.”

minghao curses and pushes his face into your neck, his hot breath making your skin prickle. the weight of his body atop yours has an almost calming effect as you recover from your orgasm, even as he continues to desperately thrust into you, chasing that last bit of pleasure.

within just a few more strokes he's coming undone and you feel your walls flood with warmth. he leaves open-mouthed kisses and moans across your shoulder, his entire body tensed against your back as he empties into you.

the moment seems to last forever until he finally loosens his grip around you, keeping his cock inside you as he breathes out slowly.

“feel better, baby?” he asks, gently kissing your cheek as he pushes your sweat-drenched hair out of the way once more. “just like your dream?”

you sigh, unable to hide the smile on your face. “perfect. better than the dream.”

“i love you,” he mumbles against your neck. “always so good for me. anything you need, darling, i'm all yours.”

your face warms and you don't reply, but you squeeze his hand again and he squeezes back.

after a moment you throw the covers off and exhale, mentally preparing yourself to get out of bed as minghao pulls out of you with a groan. you can feel his cum beginning to seep out so you force yourself up before it can get on the sheets, not wanting to clean up any more than you have to.

your exhaustion hits you all at once, and you rush through clean up as fast as you can so you can finally relax. minghao follows you to the bathroom, cleaning himself up and handing you a cold washcloth once you're finished, seeming just as eager as you are to get back to sleep.

the second you're finished he tugs your hand back into the bedroom, both of you falling onto the bed. even with the overhead fan circulating cool air the room is much too warm to sleep with pajamas now, so you settle for just a clean pair of underwear before jumping under the covers again.

silence settles in quickly once you're both back in bed, lying on your side with minghao's arm draped across your waist. it's not long before he starts to snore again, but you barely stay awake long enough to hear it, the familiar sound lulling you back to sleep in no time at all.

it's not the first time you've woken him up in the middle of the night, and it certainly won't be the last.

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i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

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lethalchiralium · 7 months

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Mirrorball | John Price x F!Reader

a/n: me?? posting??? in this economy?? unheard of. this is definitely not me writing needy price whaaaat

warnings: mentions of injury, trauma

summary: You’re trying to sleep, but someone wakes you up with a long awaited phone call. OR, John’s outside of your door, begging for forgiveness.

It was a work day tomorrow and someone had the audacity to call you in the middle of the night. Your eyes tried to blink away the murkiness of sleep as you answered the call, not even paying attention to the ‘Unknown Caller’ blinking at the top of the screen.

“Hey.”

Your head fell back into your pillow, your hand holding your phone to your ear.

“Yes, John.”

“Don’t be that way.”

Your hand gripped your phone a little more, now that you were waking up more.

“Well, seeing that it’s…” You pulled the phone from your ear, looking at the time on the screen, “2:45 in the morning on a Tuesday, you’re only calling ‘cause you’re bored.”

There was a scoff on the line. “Why can’t you just accept that maybe I’m worried about you?”

Your eyes were still closed, your eyebrows furrowed and you mumbled, “Tell me what you want or I’m hanging up.”

There was silence. Just the warmth that flooded through your chest every time you heard his low breathing; a signal, a waypoint, your reminder that no matter how much you want to turn away, there’s no escape from your desperate need for John Price. Your fingernails dug into your pillowcase, tears that have broken glass now soak the silk underneath your head. You could almost smell the rich tobacco that seemed to envelop his clothes and his worn skin - he was the feeling of sunlight reflected on shattered glass. Shining just for you.

You could imagine his hand curling your hair behind your ear, his soft lips pressing kisses into your hairline, your shoulder, your spine. You had memorized the way his hand would gently graze over your side, featherlight movement as he would whisper his promises, his mantras, but ignore your desires.

“M’here.”

Even in your half-asleep state, you felt a rush of confusion.

“You were in Afghanistan last night.”

“I lied.”

“You seem to do that often, John.”

Silence again. Your eyes opened to your dimly light room, the small light plugged into your wall helped you make out everything in your room. The jacket of his that still was tossed over the back of your favorite chair, most of his clothes hung in your closet - deep browns and dreary grays that were pressed against your bright blues, greens, and yellows. His breathtaking fiancé dressed in all of the colors that made you feel happy - but all were a farce, a lie wrapped up in a fairy tale. You weren’t happy. How could you be happy when your whole world decided to break your heart?

“Tell me what you want or I’m hanging up, John. I mean it.”

Silence. You could hear the quiet bustle of Liverpool outside your window, the street lamp’s warm light hidden by your dark curtains. Curtains he used to move at this time of night to open your window, he would burn the end of his cigar and watch the city lights.

Now, he stood outside your front door, without even a knock.

“What I did to you wasn’t right, I knew that then and I know that now. Screaming at you and telling you I never wanted to see you again was the biggest mistake of my life. I love you. And love isn’t supposed to be like that. I-I was… I was scared. I am scared. I’m scared of what you think of me, I was scared of what almost happened to me, I’m terrified to lose you.”

“Stop.”

“Please. I’m here.”

“What do you want, John?”

“I want come home.“

Another pause.

“Please let me in.”

Your stomach lurched.

You hated that you sat up, lethargic body dragged behind your mind as you silently made your way to your front door; cold phone pressed to your ear. He was a warm light, you were like a late night moth - hearing the familiar hum of one John Price.

“I’ll do anything, love. Please.”

You stretched your arms as you stood on your tallest tip toes, it reminded you of spinning on your highest heels, just for him. You could remember his hands, gentle on your hand and waist as he had laughed deeply in that ballroom all those years ago. The way his touch never differed from anything gentle or soft, even as he held your hips in late nights, pulling loud moans and cries from you as he fucked you passionately. The way he whispered your name like gospel as you sobbed into his chest. It was impossible to forget what he’s done for you - and what actions he made that caused you pain.

He was made of a broken spotlight, his light reflected on you. Your mirror pieces had fell long ago, your fingers still bleed from picking up your shards, from pressing them into place so when he came around, you would reflect his slowly dimming light just like a mirror ball.

Your hand pulled open the door, gazing at the man you so painstakingly loved - face dirty, scarf disheveled around his neck, beanie snug on his head. You didn’t care that his rough hands gripped your hips, metaphorically pressing in the glass shards like always. He pulled you to him, your face landed in his scarf as he wrapped you in his freezing embrace. You moved to rest your chin on top of the scratchy wool, your lips right next to his ear.

“Are you hurt?”

He walked both of you into the apartment, skillfully kicking the door closed as he held you tighter. A fist on your lower back, a steel grip on your shoulder as his nose was firmly pressed into your (bonnet/hair). You could feel his chest, how it didn’t dare expand - he was holding his breath. As if he let you slip, that the mirrorball he adored would shatter into a thousand pieces. Your hand pushed into the back of his ribcage, moving in soothing circles.

“Breathe, John.”

You expected a harsh exhale, something loud in your ear, but all you received was a soft sigh through his nose. The freezing clothes that clung to him began to warm, his heartbeat erratic - you could feel it in his back, right behind his heart.

“Are you hurt?” You asked again.

He didn’t answer, silence was his weapon of choice now. He was full of words on the phone, telling you things you wished to hear earlier - oh shit, your phone. The phone you dropped on the floor before opening the door, hopefully it wasn’t broken. You had so many of him on there. So many photos of him hanging off your arm, lips pressed against your soft skin, eyes gazing lovingly at you.

“What do you need?”

You need me. I know you like the back of my hand.

That’s when he let go, pulling away from you to show fresh tears on his flushed face. Your eyes widened with concern, you tried to reach his face but his hands intercepted yours - holding them with a firm grip.

“I don’t need you to forgive me.” His voice was melancholy, a melody of grief and fear that you had never heard before. “I am an awful man. Rubbish. I hurt the one good thing in my life because I thought you hating me would be easier for me to die with.”

Your stomach coiled up into a knot, tight and uncomfortable.

Your fiancé held back a sob as he spoke, “I got hit. I almost died, all I could think about was how much you would hate yourself because I made you hate me. I don’t want that. I want to be by your side forever, I want you to put me in my place, I want you to take everything from me because I am not worthy of anything without you.” His hands squeezed yours. “I want to lay beside you for as long as I live. I want to only know you for the rest of my life. I want to do everything you ask of me.”

“What do you need, John?” Your voice softer than ever before.

He blinked away tears. “I need you to teach me how to truly be a better man. I need you to guide me. I need you to love me. I need you.”

You had told yourself a thousand times that he would never crawl on his knees to you, that his pride would destroy you, that he would never show weakness to you - but here he was. Showing his belly, giving you the chance to deliver the final blow.

You supposed he was waiting for it. Waiting for your teeth to sink in and rip him apart like a chew toy, scream at him until your voice ran hoarse, push him away until he fell onto his ass. But… you couldn’t. You were ready to walk away from him ten minutes ago, but now it’s… terrifying. Walking away from the one thing keeping you whole.

You squeezed his hands. “Marry me, John Price.”

His eyebrows furrowed, he was about to question you. But you spoke again. “Marry me today and show me that all that you said was a promise.”

He didn’t nod for long as he let go of your hands, grabbed your face and kissed you - pushing your head backwards as he pressed his entire body to you. You didn’t care anymore if he cut himself on your glass, you were sure he would fix the edge just to keep you happy.

Keep you spinning like his favorite mirrorball, shining just for him.

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aliidarling · 1 month

Text

i searched male manipulator music to find a song for this post LMFAOO anyways guys i dyed my hair burgundy:3 i’m in my red hair era

i need to purge my urges, shame shame shame ♡

RICK GRIMES x fem!reader

part 2

nsfw content — please scroll if uncomfortable

summary: you get taken by the CRM by total coincidence and reunite with your lover who you haven’t seen in years, only to find out he’s only a fragment of the man he used to be

tags: p in v, praise, gaslighting, toxic!rick, manipulation, i’m bad at tagging

nsfw content below !!

You were lying barely alive in a field, bleeding out from your stomach. Your eyelids were heavy as you struggled to stay conscious, not wanting to die. You had so much to live for.

Everything was a blur, the blood staining your clothes. His name echoed in your head. It had been years since you saw the man you fell in love with. Ever since that day the bridge exploded, the day you lost him.

It had been almost eight years since then.

You supposed a normal person would have moved on by now, but his face and voice still haunted you, keeping you up during late hours and not allowing you to rest.

It would only be fitting that he was the last person on your mind during your last moments. You only could hope you were one of his before the bridge took his life.

Everything started to fade slowly, your ears ringing. Your eyesight was spotty. All you wished for was to reunite with him in the afterlife.

As you finally went still, the loud noise of a helicopter nearing went unheard by you.

You had no idea what was going on. You were being carried by two large soldiers wearing all black, holding you up by your arms as your body dragged on the floor. When you awoke, you were in an infirmary, all bandaged up and feeling better.

It was like they worked magic on you. The bandages around your abdomen were the only evidence of the stab wound that was once there.

“Where the hell am I?!” You yelled, your voice almost scratchy. They ignored you and continued dragging you towards a door in the hallway.

“Listen to me you fat fucks!” A screech left you as they shoved you inside the room, slamming the door behind you. You stumbled into the room, quickly regaining your balance as you clutched your side, the aggressive treatment opening your stitches slightly.

“Jesus, what the f… Your words were trailed as you looked up and realized four people were staring at you, all of them seated in a row with one empty seat in front of them. You blinked slowly.

One of them calmly smiled at you and motioned for you to sit. You gritted your teeth, looking around the room. Soldiers were standing by the walls, guns in their hands.

You sighed and hesitantly sat down, giving them a blank look.

It had been a week since then. They explained the overall situation you were in, and how they had found you half-dead in a field and saved you. You felt a little grateful, obviously, but you couldn’t shake off the weird feeling this place gave you.

The way they didn’t let you leave no matter what you said was what freaked you out the most.

“What do you mean I can’t leave?!” You snapped, raising your voice at the tall man before you. He had introduced himself as Okafor and was one of your superiors. For the last week, you had been dragged outside by the gate, handed a sharp spear, and instructed to kill walkers without any choice in the matter.

He rolls his eyes at you and frowns, staring down at you.

“Why would you want to leave? We’re giving you a place to stay with a small fee for some labor.” He scoffs, ushering you off back towards the fence.

“You’re being brainwashed.” You grumble, reluctantly setting your spear back up and pulling your mask down.

Another few hours of just stabbing walkers in the head passes, tiring you. You’re leaning against the gate, blood all over your clothes and the jacket they supplied you with.

“Good job, rookie,” Okafor comments playfully, giving you a pat on the shoulder. You grumble and push him off.

“This place sucks ass. I just wanna go home.”

Okafor hums and shrugs at you.

“Sorry to break the news, but there’s no chance. Only one man in history has attempted to leave, and even he didn’t make it.”

This sparks your interest for a moment before you sigh and turn away.

“Am I done for the day?”

Okafor grins and immediately shakes his head, making you groan and cross your arms. You had been in the heat for half the day now, you were sweating and all you wanted to do was go home and wash all this blood off you.

“We have a commander coming to do a check-in. He’ll be here in around ten minutes, so stay put.” The words leave him smoothly, not giving you even a second to complain before he turns away and starts talking to another one of his men.

With a groan, you picked up your spear and started stabbing the walkers again. You felt like that’s all you’ve been doing recently, other than planning on how to escape this place.

A few long minutes later, you hear a name being yelled that makes your heart stop.

“Commander Grimes!” Okafor yells happily as a tall man in a tactical suit walks up to him, his back to you. Your blood ran cold as you prayed that it was some coincidence.

Even still, if it was a coincidence it would still make you feel sick. The universe always had its way of making fun of you, and now it was making you hear his name everywhere.

You stared at the man’s back, silently praying that when he turned around it would be him. Or wouldn’t. You were confused with yourself— you didn’t know if you wanted to see him alive if it meant he was working for this corrupted military.

But your heart ached, even if the cons weighed you down. You found yourself staring, walkers long forgotten.

Okafor notices you staring and frowns, turning his attention from the commander to you with a wave of his hand.

“C’mere, rookie. You gotta meet Commander Grimes.”

Oh fuck.

Your legs felt wobbly like they could buckle from underneath you at any second. With your legs working on auto drive and your mind racing at a thousand thoughts per second, you found yourself walking towards the two men.

Once you reached them, the tall man slowly turned to look at you. It felt like should have been in slow motion, but in reality, it was all going way too fast.

The commander turned to look down at you, his blue eyes and curls making you want to vomit. It was him. Of course, it was him.

His eyes were emotionless, his face completely blank. He stared at you like you were any other person. Like you weren’t the woman he shared a bed with for years. The woman who helped him raise Carl.

“Sweetheart, your mask,” Okafor comments mockfully, making you grimace. That’s probably why he’s staring at you like you were a piece of dust.

“S-Sorry, sir.” Your voice cracked slightly as you quickly pulled your mask off, your hair getting tangled slightly. You quickly brush it out of your eyes, blinking rapidly. Gulping down the nausea, you looked back up to meet Rick’s eyes.

He was frozen, his lips parted and eyes wide, not making a single noise. His back was turned to Okafor, so only you could see the expression he had. The expression of shock, realization, and recognition.

After a long moment of silence between the three of you, you held your hand up to your temple and saluted him, your fingers trembling.

“Commander Grimes.” Your voice shook as you pressed your lips together.

He stared at you for another long few seconds before nodding, so subtle you barely noticed. Everything in his body was on fire, alarms blaring and his heart pounding.

There you were. Standing in front of him. Saluting to him.

“Welcome to the CRM, consignee..” He trailed on.

You held back a laugh before muttering your name, glancing at him, the ground, and then back to Okafor.

“Am I free to go?” You said rather harshly, your fists clenching.

Okafor gave you a once-over, judging your dirty clothes stained by walker blood and messy hair from the mask. He hums before waving you off.

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll see you here at 8am tomorrow morning.” He mutters before going back into casual conversation with Rick.

As you walked away, you could feel a pair of eyes burning a hole into your back.

Just later that night, you were in your given apartment. It didn’t feel like home, like Alexandria. Your mind stayed on Judith and RJ, freaking out about whether they were alright or not.

Judith had stopped answering you a few days before you got captured. You knew a part of you was delusional for going out on a whole entire journey to find your lover when this whole time he was living luxury at the CRM. He was a commander, fuck.

What were you doing? Staying here? You needed to escape now, find Rick, and ask him what he was doing here. You wouldn’t leave without him, that was for sure.

You crawled up on your bed, hunching closer to the window. It led to a fire escape but was sealed tightly shut. For a place that says they never had anyone want to leave, they’re pretty cautious with these types of things.

Glancing at the mini kitchen, you got an idea. You grabbed one of the knives and got back on the bed and kneeled down next to the window and started to slide the knife between the slits, hoping to hear a crack or any type of noise that would alert you you’re going in the right path.

Not even mid-way through your little escape attempt, your door suddenly slammed open. You shrieked and dropped the knife, sitting up and turning towards your door.

Rick stood there, staring at you with a panicked expression. He shut the door, locked in, before turning back to you. He was wearing dark clothing still, but not tactical. Instead, he wore a button-up paired with jeans, with a leather jacket on top.

He rushed towards you and grabbed you, cupping your face with shaky hands and trembling lips. You immediately leaned back into him with the same expression, happy to finally be with him, and happy he still cared for you.

“You- you— why—“ He furrowed his brows as he patted you down in a panic, not believing the fact you sat before him. His hands were shaky as he cupped your face again and leaned down towards you, scanning every detail on your face.

“Rick, Rick— is it really you?” You gasped softly, sitting up further and pulling him in by wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He places one hand on the back of your neck while his other stays on your back, pushing you into him.

“It’s me, baby, swear. S’me.” He soothingly brushes his fingers through your hair before gently placing his other hand on your chin. His thumb picks at your bottom lip.

“What are ya’ doing here, sweetie? How’d ya’ find me?” His voice was soft and gentle, lowered. His thumb gently pulls your lip down before leaning his down. He breaths onto your lips.

“I-I— I’ve been, I’ve been looking. I swear. Almost died and CRM took me.” You muttered shakily. Rick frowns and massages the back of your head gently.

“You almost died?” He mumbled and gently pressed a kiss to your forehead. You whined softly, wanting nothing more then his lips on yours. Your hands clawed at his jacket. He giggles and pushes you down onto your bed, crawling over you and pressing your body down with his.

“You’re okay, now, right? Good girl, keep being good for me.” You nod in response as he kisses your neck, your eyes fluttering shut as your hands gently tug at his hair.

“Missed you.” You whimper into his ear, a soft moan leaving you as he nuzzles his beard into your sensitive flesh. His hips grind down on yours, the two of you desperate for each other.

“God, can’t even describe how much I missed ya’, gonna fuck you so good.” He almost whines. His hands come down by your sides and grab at you. He presses his lips against you hard.

A muffled moan leaves you as he sits up over you slightly. He pushes one of his knees between your legs and puts pressure against your core, his hand going to your shirt.

“I’m not gonna let you leave this time, kay’?” His eyes darkened as he said this, making you shiver. With a hesitant nod, Rick starts to pull your shirt off. Once you were topless underneath him, his lips pressed gentle kisses against every inch of your torso.

His breath brushed against your breasts. Your bra was the only thing separating him from your breasts. Without another second to spare, he reaches behind you to unclasp your bra.

This was all going so fast.

“Wait— Rick,” You whine softly, trying to sit up. He shushes you, cupping your breasts and pushing you back down, colluding his lips with your neck.

“Haven’t seen you in eight years, sweetheart. Nothing you do can get me off you.” He chuckles darkly, nuzzling his scratchy beard against your sensitive throat before pulling away and lowering his predatory gaze to your breasts.

A small moan left your lips as his hands started to massage your breasts, his warm palms gliding over your chest. Your nipples hardened, making him chuckle. He leans down, tweaking one of them with his finger and gently taking the other in his mouth.

Your eyes flutter as you find yourself being pleasured by the man you’ve been dreaming of for years— your body being treated like a vase. He was so gentle and soft with you, kissing every inch he could reach. His hands were soothing as they caressed you.

It still felt odd though. Something about his dark gaze and his possessive words had you shivering under him, looking up at his eyes. The new scars on his body had you wondering what he went through.

He was holding you close to his chest, hugging you tightly and humming soft little praises into your ear. His cock was buried deep inside you, your walls fitting him like a vise. He moaned into your ear, holding you so tightly you wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up with bruises.

His hips rocked smoothly, pushing himself deeper and deeper, wanting all you could offer. He wanted every inch of you and never wanted to let go.

“Good girl, so good for me, pussy so tight around me,“ He groans into your ear. His voice was raspy as his hands tightened around you, one on the back of your neck and gripping it. He held your face towards him so he could lean down to give you kisses whenever he wanted.

His other hand went down to work at your clit, humming approvingly as you clenched down at the pressure and let out an adorable little mewl under him.

“Wanna cum? Hmm?” He coos, gently rubbing your sensitive spot, leaning closer, and nuzzling into your neck. His thrusts get harder.

“P-Please, Rick, love you so much—“ You choke out, grabbing at him to steady yourself as he batters your insides. Your toes curled as your eyes rolled back, broken whines leaving your throat.

“Oh, oh, oh God— p-please! I’ve been so good..” You cried out into his ear as your words started to slur together. Your lips were quivering as he kept slamming his cock into your tight hole over and over again, sending you right over the edge.

“Yeah, you gonna cum? Mmm, good girl, just like that,” He whispers softly as he pounds into you more as you spasm around him. He feels your little cunt go tight around him and let out your juices. He grunts at the feeling, burying himself as deep as he could as he closes his eyes and leans his head back, relishing in the feeling of cumming inside you for the first time in eight heat.

“Yeah, sweet little baby. So good for me.” He groans as he fucks you gently through your orgasm, listening to your shaky moans and cries as your release keeps getting dragged on and on, more cum leaking out from your hole.

With a shaky sigh, he makes sure he has completely milked you out before slowly pulling out, small squelching sounds filling the silence. Your breaths were shaky, and so were his, both of you exhausted after the passionate love-making session.

“Rick..” You mumble tiredly, looking over at him. You lay limp on the bed, your pussy a mess with both your cums dripping out.

He smiles and looks over, now standing up and reaching for his boxers. He leans over you and pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead, his thumb squishing your cheeks together.

“I’ll clean you up, kay? Gimme a sec, hun.” He says sweetly before pulling away once again and walking off to your bathroom.

A few minutes later the two of you laid in your shitty bed together, the mess between your thighs cleaned up. You were currently receiving a back massage from him, oddly enough. You laid on your belly as his large hands worked on your back muscles.

He stared down at you, admiring every little change in your body. He wished he was there for you all those years he wasn’t.

“What happened?” You asked softly, peering at him from over your shoulder. You felt him press his thumb down on a knot in your shoulder, making you whine softly.

“…You want me to start from the start?” He chuckles dryly. You give a hesitant nod.

“…Anne found me.. half dead on the riverbank. She was working with the CRM and turned me in, saved my life.” He spoke with a small hint of gratitude in his words, masked by his deadpan tone.

You continued to lay there silently, enjoying the back massage but still wanting him to explain everything. Was that all he was gonna say?

“..And? Did they— did they force you to stay? Did they hurt you?” You stuttered, wanting some type of explanation why he never came back. You wouldn’t be able to handle it if you found out he had willingly stayed here for eight years.

He was silent for a moment, his palm pressing down on your shoulder blades and rubbing in small circles. His eyes gaze down at you, wondering what to say to make himself not sound like the bad guy.

“No.” He mutters after a moment.

You felt like your entire world had shattered again, like he was being ripped from your arms like that day on the bridge.

“Why didn’t you try to come back?” Your voice cracked, making him realize he had screwed up. He hesitates on what to do before quickly pulling you into his arms, rubbing your back gently, and nuzzling your face into his chest.

“I did, sweetheart, promise. Tried a few times, but they stopped me. Made me realize what this place was. It’s life-changing, baby, you gotta give it a chance. I want you to stay here with me, kay? For me? Please, you gotta do it. If you loved me you’d stay, wouldn’t you?” He whispers soothingly, his words like daggers as he holds you tighter with every passing second.

“W-What? Rick? No— I can’t—“ You attempted to pull away, making him growl and push you down on the bed, crawling over you and planting his arms on each side of you.

“No, you gotta listen to me.” He says firmly, his eyes dark. Who was this man? Why was he treating you like this? The Rick you knew would never speak to you like this.

“Rick—"

He shushes you.

“You’re staying here with me, got it? It’s safe here. You’ll be safe. Don’t you wanna stay with me? Don’t you want tonight to happen over and over again?” He whispers, his dark tone turning into a sickeningly sweet one, his hand coming to cup your cheek and gently caress your skin.

“I can't, Rick. What about A-Alexandria? Judith? Maggie and Daryl— they’re all— you need to come home! This place isn’t good, good for you, good for us.” You attempt to plead.

Your words fall on deaf ears as he shushes you again, the dark look in his eyes coming back. He stares down at you in an almost offended manner.

“Are you trying to manipulate me?” He scoffs, sitting up and giving you a disgusted look. You freeze, quickly sitting up and attempting to reach for him. He clicks his tongue and pushes you away.

“I cant believe you sweetheart, just got me back, and is already trying to fall for your words. I thought you loved me?” He whispers slowly, glaring at you with narrowed eyes.

Your heart stops as his words settle in your throat, your eyes wide. Panic overtakes you as you quickly pull him back in and hug him tightly, trembling now.

“N-No, no, I swear— I wasn’t, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Rick, please don’t leave me.” Your words are small and fearful, fearful of him leaving you after you just found him.

His eyes soften as he keeps the sick grin from overtaking his face, his hands going to gently cradle you in his chest. He hums sweetly, rubbing your head.

“It’s okay, I know you’re just a lil’ confused. I’ve gotcha, sweetheart. I love you, okay? I’ll keep you safe and sound, just gotta stay here with me, can you do that? For me?”

“Y-Yea— yes, yes, anything for you.” You stammer, curling into his arms with watery eyes and shaky limbs. You didn’t want him to leave you, not again.

“Good girl. Knew you’d snap back to reality.” He chuckles dryly. His large hands hold you close to him, humming gently into your ear and rocking your small body.

The two of you lay there for a long time until you were asleep and gently snoring, and he was staring down at your vulnerable form, thinking.

You weren’t gonna go anywhere, and he’d make sure of that. He had searched for you for too long to let you slip away now, he’d rather die than watch you leave. He just needs to find a way to get Judith here, and you’ll all be the happy family you once were.

He’d make sure you had nowhere to go, even if it meant hurting you and twisting your sight on the world.

lmk if u want a part 2? idk what i could make happen but there's def potential

#Spotify #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes #rick grimes imagine #rick grimes smut #the walking dead smut #the walking dead #the walking dead x reader #smut #the ones who live #twd the ones who live #twd towl #towl

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mazzystar24 · 1 month

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how would having buck/eddie be more powerful?? yeah i get that having a queer latino man would be awesome (and i support whatever direction they want to go in w eddie’s sexuality bc i think there’s a lot of options there) but it’s kind of embarrassing that people are making buck’s entire coming out about a ship. a bisexual man coming out in later life has his queer realisation with someone who also came out in later life, they’re both in a line of work that’s pretty “boys club”-esque (as shown by hen and chimney begins episodes, and it’s a shame that hen’s queer identity isn’t recognised enough in the fandom). Buck’s storyline is just as meaningful with or without an endgame of buddie. Tbh I hope they make eddie queer as well but don’t put buddie together because the only way they get together without violating workplace relationship rules is if one of them leaves, which is arguably less meaningful because we lose a main character. Sorry if this comes off as rude but y’all have had your shipping brains on for too long because you can’t recognise how much this means to bisexual fans and it’s honestly exhausting.

Okay gonna address that bottom part first just to clarify real quick that I am in fact a bisexual fan 🫡 so that assumption was 😐

As for the rest:

If you look on my page or my previous asks or anything you’d see that I’m over the moon ecstatic over finally getting bi buck

At no point did I make buck being bi just about his ships, in almost every ask about bucktommy or buddie me and most of the anons are constantly reiterating how much we value canon bi buck even if it wasn’t EXACTLY how we wanted it

At no point in any of my previous posts nor in the ask response that I’m assuming you sent this ask about did I imply that bucks coming out arc is of more value when connected to buddie

The post/ask was about bucktommy as endgame or buddie as endgame and my opinion on it and my opinion is that it would be more powerful and meaningful to have buddie

To answer your question on why- buddie yes have a lot of in common with bucktommy but the thing that makes it for me is that

1. Queer slowburns done right are practically unheard of in the media

2. As you’ve touched on yeah Eddie is a Latino man but also we got to see Eddie grow as a person get into therapy, deal with his issues with his father and being a man of the house, be a widow and raise a son

Can you name a single character who we see on screen go from this all American soldier perfect boy to seeing him breakdown, get therapy understand comp het, fall in love with his best friend and navigate how he balances coming out in his 30s while having very mixed and complicated feelings about his dead wife who I genuinely believe he loved in some way but also having to come out to his son who is bound to have his own complicated feelings about it?

3. We’ve had so much history and so many powerful scenes between these two that to me and many of the fandom nothing can measure up to, like if they do become canon like it would mean a lot because their story and scenes over the years have been so amazing and powerful

4. Theyd be listening to what the fans want/have wanted for years!! That’s huge because so many shows never make characters queer because the fans saw them as it or shipped them and when on those rare occasions they do they take the easy way out and make one half of them queer to get fans to shut up (cough cough a certain cw show)

Also I never trashed on bucktommy because I don’t ick someones yum all I said is i agree and I don’t get those who want them to be endgame and I do make jokes about my own shipping goggles but seriously I am self aware and I do keep being VERY conscious that some may misunderstand me as not valuing bi buck just because we didn’t get buddie when that couldn’t be further from the truth

#911 #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 abc #911 fox #evan buck buckley #911onfox #911 spoilers #buckley diaz family #asks open #send asks #answered asks #asks

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mdverse · 5 months

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md's fun silly little top 10(ish) arts of the 2023!*

*pretend there's a fun cute doodled banner here (i was going to make one earlier and then i forgor)

doing a lil recap of my top 10 15 (it was supposed to be 10 and i could not narrow it down oops) best(? this is subjective as fuck i guess it's more like my personal faves) drawings of the year! *the crowd cheers* (it’s me I’m the crowd)

15: paradise by the dashboard light! i hate to rank her so low bc i spent ages on her but it seems i don't love the result that much anymore so :/ a for effort for me tho this was ambitious

14: cheer girl loml <33 not my best art technically by far but i went way out of my comfort zone for the background and the art style (for no good reason really) (i just wanted to do a comic book thing bc superhero vibes or whatever) (it did not come out the way i was hoping it would bc i think i got too frustrated) and we simply must acknowledge that. atog did things to me that i cannot explain

13: barbie meme brittana! not my best britt but truly sooo fun to work on. there's nothing quite like finding a fun rendering process and then never using it again (i don't even remember how i coloured this but i like it)

12: cowboy barbie brittana <3 they look good, they're about to kiss, cute outfits, pretty sunset, probably went overboard with the rim lighting, what's not to love? a banger, i think

11: i say a little prayer! i think the background is. questionable at best. but this is still really fun! i think i got possessed when i got to the uniforms bc goddamn they look good

10: klaine?? on this blog???? almost unheard of lmao i truly did not think i would like this one as much as i did. i'd consider ranking it higher if i wasn't constantly Unwell over brittana but again, i'm biased, and no one here should be surprised about that

9: pre-wedding kiss my beloved! with how insane i've been over this kiss it could perhaps be higher. i am gnawing on my desk as we speak i'm not even sitting at a desk rn

8: rutherchang x black swan!! ohhh u guys i don't talk about this one enough i think it's so pretty i don't even remember how i did the colours for it but rhgfdkngd?? love her, love pushing the glee x bts agenda, if any of u gifmakers are interested in making a mike chang x black swan lyric gifset i will love u forever

7: colour wheel challenge! busted my whole tiddies and ass for this one fellas. labour of love etc etc i think staring at the bright colours for so long made my eyesight worse and i'm ok with that

6: mistletoe brittana <33 easily the best instalment of this series by a long shot! recency bias (and also just. regular bias) made me rank her much higher originally but technically she is not the most intricate piece so she must sit down here

5: prom queen kurt! dare i say a girlslay on my behalf? i think i dare. every time i see it i think i should do more glosters (glee posters) and then i don't. i could tho they would be really cool (source: dude trust me)

4: churro kiss redraw!!! genuinely Not Sane over this! never have been, never will be! redraws are like crack to me and so is this kiss

3: furtana!! i neglected them for far too long this year but if neglecting them results in art like this i may have to do it again

2: heart kiss <3 if we're being really honest and vulnerable in the chat tonight i think this is technically my best of the brittana kiss screencap redraw things i've done this year? which i did not see coming but i guess practice means refining the process etc etc so. it makes sense ig. mwah to them <3

1: black or white gcv animation <3 it's not what i would call my best drawing (bc it's, yknow, not just one drawing) but it is what i would call the product of a very obsessive thought and some frantic art sessions. objectively it's the coolest thing i've done this year so it deserves the top spot. i'm proud of it i hope to glanimate more next year. also this isn't art but it's a relevant post that i still stand by months later

#md rambles #idk what this is kdfghk i'm so sorry it's 5am and i've spent the past hour ranking these and just saying shit #if i were more awake i would be more specific about actual art things i'm proud of. but i am not. so #sth sth made a lot of bangers this year i think sth sth vv proud of myself sth sth fun list bc i feel like it

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plantsarepeopletoo · 8 months

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Only Friends Music Ep4 (part 2/2)

Part one covers the first half of Ep4, or you can find other episodes on my pinned comment.

This is a series of posts taking a closer look at the music of Only Friends. Reminder, Playing with the music is like body language, it moves with the conversation. Verbal says something either through lyrics or something like a song title.

This is a long one, but if your curious about Sand and Ray, they're the first and two last songs. The middle ones are Top, Mew, and Nick.

[2/4 cont.]

Song: Almost The Same by Peter Crosby Scene: Ray and Sand in guitar store Type: Vocal

Lyrics heard in the show:

Stay in at home Turn off the phone I will listen to you You’ll lay in the sheets You’ll hold on to me Like I’m already gone

Lyrics continue, not in the show:

And whisper your words Like secrets written in an old mole skin And look up above Sunlight seems like it is gonna break in Something ain’t right Yeah, something ain’t right Oh, something ain’t right Something ain’t right You’ll straighten my shirt Wearing the skirt That my mother gave to you I come up behind ya And kiss on the side of your neck [a few or if you] Turn off the lights The stars in the sky are turning so clear And without the words Your feelings unheard can be just as sincere (Chorus) Walk in the leaves Under the trees With your tennis shoes on And holding my hand to spin you around And I sing you a song Taking a breath Like taking yourself to the hospital And I feel ok Almost the same But I know I’m not healed Something ain’t right

Before the song, Ray reaches out, trying to fix things. His first few tries are horrible failures, he doesn’t know how to behave with Sand. He’s used to people accepting his money or berating him, not expecting much from him. When Sand admits that it hurt to be thrown away, Ray finally realizes he needs to repeat to Sand that he does care, like he did in the parking lot earlier, “I do care about your feelings, that’s why I’m here.” Sand sees that Ray has been trying in his own way to make up for leaving the night before, and Ray is open and absorbs Sand's criticism, that Ray shouldn't drag him around and then throw him away as you see fit, people have feelings.

But they have not actually addressed the root problems, Mew and their own fears and baggage. The only way they’ll truly understand each other is to talk, which they have finally started to do. Sand went from denying feeling anything to admitting he was hurt. While Ray started to listen to what Sand was wanting from him.

They still know this relationship is not quite right though, and the song here reflects the underlying problems woven through their pretending to be okay. Song ends “You hold onto me like I’m already gone” and the scene changes to the record store.

Song: Acrobat by Martin Hall Scene: Sand and Ray looking through albums at the record store Type: Vocal

Lyrics heard in show:

There's nothing wrong with that Tripping, yeah, we all lose track I wouldn't mind it, if I find it There's nothing wrong with that Don't have to be an acrobat I wouldn't mind it, should I find it? All my life It's been up and down but always comes back to you Didn't ask for any favors It seems too late Love is strong but some things you don't wanna pass on Didn't ask for any favors You don't know me The way that I know you Tell me what you like Please tell me what you like There's nothing wrong with that

Lyrics not in Show:

Tripping, yeah, we all lose track I wouldn't mind it, if I find it There's nothing wrong with that Don't have to be an acrobat I wouldn't mind it, should I find it? Oh Father, please come to my rescue I was caught up in your landscape Oh, please tell me Now what am I supposed to do? I was caught up in your landscape … So that's how it's gonna be There'll be no more second chances So that's how it's gonna be There'll be no more second chances We let it all go to waste (we let it all go) x3

The lyrics included in the show seem to talk about how to find the right path, we don’t have to be pushing beyond ourselves and into impossible feats. An acrobat does amazing feats to get from one place to another, gracefully flipping through the air. Ray is so stuck in the past that he feels like there are these huge gaps that he needs to be an acrobat to get out of the “landscape” he’s stuck in. We see this in his acrobatic efforts to make Sand happy by offering to buy his time, or a guitar, or asking Sand to scold him. He’s trying to be an acrobat by worrying about all the bands he doesn’t know. Sand is telling Ray he doesn't need to do the impossible, he just needs to steadily move towards the right path, and he can learn one band at a time, if he wants. Sand is also stuck in his landscape, doing the impossible with his 24 hours to get enough money to pay his mom’s debt, his schooling, and saving for the future.

Music and lyrics start as Sand answers Ray’s question about what bands he likes to listen to, and continues to play under their conversation. Given Ray and Sands previous bonding over the music in Ray’s home, it’s quite possible Ray took him there for the purpose of finding mutual ground, and Ray’s face as he tries to get to know Sand through music, and discovers he doesn’t recognize the bands Sand lists, highlight the differences between them in so many aspects of their lives. Ray is there on that day as a part of Sand’s world, and even though he is very much out of his depth in nearly every place they go he is trying his best to connect with the parts of Sand’s world he doesn’t understand. They may have been stuck in places they did not choose for themselves, but they are beginning to make their way towards a shared path which may end up being better for both of them

There's nothing wrong with that Tripping, yeah, we all lose track I wouldn't mind it, if I find it There's nothing wrong with that Don't have to be an acrobat I wouldn't mind it, should I find it?

Ray wants to find his way in life again, and seems to be willing to grow and change for Sand. Again, he doesn’t need to be an acrobat, simply realizing he has more to offer than money is a good start.

You don't know me The way that I know you Tell me what you like Please tell me what you like

Sand says that Ray only listens to the songs that his parents listened to, that “Try to open your mind and listen to new bands”. Ray uses music to process his emotions, and Sand giving him new music to listen to might give him a new way of looking at the world.

Song: Gonna Get You by Camelian Glade Scene: Boston and Top in the elevator Type: Vocal, Playful

Song starts with Boston catching the elevator Top is on. It pauses for a while until Boston puts his hand on Top’s shoulder to push him into the wall. This song highlights Boston’s predatory and possessive nature. When Top pushes him off Boston is hurt and falls back to reminding Top that Ray and Mew are messing with his head. Top pushes back “You just can’t stand the fact that I don’t want you any more.” Which hits the nail on the head, just Top is seeing it too late. The damage is done. The only lyrics, “Gonna get you now” play when the doors open and Boston storms out.

Song: Told Ya by Ballpoint Scene: Nick goes through Boston’s phone Type: Background, Vocal

Song is used in a very similar to Gonna Get You. Only words being “told ya” and it has a sense of urgency. But also the styles being similar highlight Boston and Nick’s motivations here. They’re both doing things out of obsession, hurt, and possessiveness. They’re both trying to get what they want, and playing a spy game. Boston using misinformation and sex, Nick using information and sex.

[3/4]

Song: He Closes In Nylonia Scene: Top and Sand fight Type: Playful Drums start when Top turns and sees Sand. At first Top is concerned but when he sees Sand he changes completely. Pauses for a moment, but comes back quieter as Top starts to blame Sand for the accident. It slowly builds throughout the verbal fight until we finally get to the punches. Once Nick stops the fight it repeats a note and a drum beat and finally stops as Top gets into the car to drive away.

Song: He closes in (again) Scene: End of nick and Sand scene Type: Playful After Sand says “Top stole my Ex.” the ‘war drums’ from He Closes In start, the same song that played during Top and Sand’s fight.

Song: What You Can't Take Back by Clarence Reed Scene: Ray apologizes to Mew for the kiss Type: vocal Mostly just want to point out the song title. Ray apologizes for kissing Mew, saying it was wrong to do to Mew or anyone else. That he should have asked permission first. Ends after Mew tells him to forget it.

Song: In the Danger Zone by Marten Moses Scene: Mew and Top talk Ray liking Mew Type: vocal Same song that played in the flashback when Mew was looking for Ray in his house. Starts with Top being angry and upset while getting his wound treated by Mew. Pauses when Mew tells Top about the kiss, restarting after Top says “Just a kiss? Nothing else happened?” It stops when Top relents and apologizes.

[4/4]

Song: You Don’t Know by Psüche Scene: Top and Mew make out Type: Vocal

Lyrics in show:

Anyway you want me (x3) Anyway you want me - is good enough for me…(x2) You don't even have to love me - I'm a hypocrite… Lyrics not in show: And the sun shines down upon your face - it's all for you But you don't know Come and let me lose you - can't stop me, no… I never meant to choose you - a secret glow… And the sun shines down upon your face - it's all for you And I would travel to the end of space - to be with you But you don't know But you don't know But you don't know But you don't know

“You don’t even have to love me” plays for the first time as Mew slips his hand into Top’s pants. The song seems to highlight the depth of both characters' feelings, while also emphasizing the lack of trust and truth between them. They’re both moving forward based on Mew’s checklist because of mutual attraction. They want to be together but lack of communication has left them working off false versions of each other. They still WANT each other a lot but…the falseness that permeates through their relationship is reflected in these lyrics

Song: With You It's Different by Blue Topaz Scene: Top and Mew in the shower, it’s different with Mew Type: Vocal

Soft guitar under Top asking Mew if it was ok, and Top saying “I can’t remember the last time I cared about the feelings of someone I slept with” Ends after Mew asks for clarification.

Song: Wrote You a Letter (feat. Cody Francis) Candelion Scene: Ray thinks about getting the keychain from Mew Type: Vocal

Lyrics in show:

In a way that's how it's supposed to be If I'm unable to make you happy Then it's for the better That you are not with me Hmm hmm That's why I Wrote you a letter Cuz you see I write so much better than I speak It's hard to get over You chose someone else Your new best friend It doesn't feel like it was long ago..

Full lyrics:

Hey I heard you got a new best friend Yea It's a bit I won't pretend that it doesn't matter That you're with someone else Hmm In a way that's how it's supposed to be If I'm unable to make you happy Then it's for the better That you are not with me Hmm hmm That's why I Wrote you a letter Cuz you see I write so much better than I speak And I need to tell you You were My best friend Till the end I hope I'll be happy without you But right now I don't know what to do It's hard to get over You chose someone else Your new best friend It doesn't feel like it was long ago We were head over heels in love, thought it'll last forever But somehow we got lost Looking back I didn't realize What was wrong with me I can't deny I took you for granted You finally had enough Hmm hmm (Chorus x2)

Music starts as Ray is in the bath, sad and drinking, but it’s a cleansing bath. He’s staring at the keychain Mew bought for him and after a few moments the scene shifts to a flashback. Mew gives Ray a keychain and explains that he bought it to remind Ray of his name. Ray shouldn’t be sad, he’s a Ray of sunshine! Mew’s advice is always how Mew wants things to be and not based on what actually is needed. Calling back to the pool party in EP3 and the song We Will Never Die. Mew’s advice was accompanied by the lyric “On an island in the shade, the city is on fire”. Mew is on an island in the shade and Ray is in a city on fire. Mental illness isn’t something easily fixed, and Ray continues to self medicate and yearn for connection after receiving the keychain from Mew. The lyrics start after Mew says “You shouldn’t be sad, friend” Ray asks Mew “Don’t you think I’m too hot for people to handle?” Mew brushes this off with “Lots of people like hotness”. It might have been said in a place of love, but it isn’t what Ray needed. Despite this, Ray's love for Mew has been his lifeline for the last two years, a person who will come to him in great need, but will hold him at arm's length any other time. In the present, Ray reflects “Mew is my emergency contact, and I always thought I was his too. But right now, I don’t think I’m that important to him anymore.” and then the lyrics “It’s hard to get over, You chose someone else, your new best friend.” play as the camera pans to the Poor Boy shirt. Ray might finally accept that he’s not Mew’s choice, but Mew might be happy with someone else. And Ray wants to be that special person to someone, so he needs to actively let go of Mew. He was slowly letting go before, realizing how good it felt to have someone to be there, to talk to, and how different it feels from Mew’s love. Mew is still obviously important to him, but Mew doesn’t want Ray to be his savior, just a typical friend.

Song: Our เรา by Selina and Sirinya Scene: Continuing the record store date, Sand and Ray are listening to a record. Type: Vocal

Lyrics in show:

If this place was the only place that has starlight If this place was the only place that has moonshine If this place was the only place that has the sky and the blue sea And there is no one nearby If this place was the only place that has you If this place was the only place that has a cool breeze If this place was the only place that trees and a clear stream Lyrics continued not in the show: And there is nothing nearby. There is only us and a cool breeze (x4)

So far, Our is one of the few songs (so far) that is translated on screen, and they even pause the music as they take off their headphones. In the pause Ray says “The song makes me wanna fly to Chiang Mai and sip beer right now.” Sand responds “And set up a tent?” Ray responds “I like, na” leaving it open ended what he’s talking about. Be it the imagery, the song, or Sand.

The song is about an empty place with your significant other, a place where the stars and moon shine and the breeze is cool. Some place where only we exist without any outside stress or worries. It’s a place that is cooling and healing, which is what Ray needs. Ray can be hot there, and the cool breezes will heal him.

In Sand and Ray’s imaginary trip to Chiang Mai with this song, it gives Ray a direct comparison with the trip 2 years ago with Mew. That time he was told “Lots of people like hotness” while he was a burning city, however, this time he has a cool breeze and someone to hold hands with, someplace that is only theirs.

The song ends before they finally go beyond the “what if” stage, before there is only us. Leaving them with meaningful glances, ambiguous words and holding hands. It’s not quite right, they have not quite made the final step, but they have started to move from their cycle.

Thank you @rocketturtle4 and @shouldiusemyname for editing and helping me, especially with acrobat.

Here's a link to my pinned comment to see other episodes. Thank you for reading

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #only friends music #only friends ost #Plant's OFTS Music #only friends meta

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scorpionyx9621 · 1 year

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Maybe it's me being an old, decrepit Resident Evil fan but after playing the RE4 Remake I'm so so happy they brought Nick Apostolidies as Leon Kennedy. I was genuinely shocked at first because Nick took such a different angle for Leon that I genuinely did not recognize him at first. It sounded a bit like he was trying to do his own spin on Paul Mercier's Leon from the original RE4 but taken to a more ham-fisted level. Which in my opinion made this version of Leon 10x better for me and had me grinning ear-to-ear during Leon's one-liners.

The reason why I'm so happy is that Resident Evil is, as I've described in the past, a campy Japanese zombie soap-opera and none of that would have been possible without the voice actors/actresses. The way that people basically rebelled when they found out Allison Court, who had voiced Claire Redfield in basically every piece of media she was in up until Revelations 2 is a good example. Albert Wesker absolutely would have not been the iconic villain that he is without D.C. Douglas gives him Nicholas Cage-levels of ham and camp in RE5. Literally all of the original Resident Evil is a gold mine of horribly, HORRIBLY translated one-liners and they are all absolutely magnificent.

With Resident Evil and the fandom itself it genuinely feels like a family we have with not only the devs but the voice actors and the content creators. Nick Apostolidies was genuinely one of us in the fandom who was around on forums and when hearing that he landed the role in the RE2 Remake it felt like that scene in Inside Out where Bing-Bong cheers on Riley from the bottom of the pit of darkness. When Suzie aka The Sphere Hunter aka The Queen of Survival Horror interviewed Nick on a charity stream during the pandemic Nick had mentioned when he had gotten the role of Leon, he had reached out to the late Paul Haddad, who had originally voiced Leon in the original RE2 and had received not only Paul's encouragement but his blessings in playing the role of Leon. When Paul Haddad passed back in 2020 it sent shockwaves through the fandom. It genuinely felt like we had lost a part of our family.

The reason why the fandom was so vocal about their distaste in Revelations 2 wasn't because Claire's voice actress did a bad job, on the contrary, she did a fantastic job. It was because it wasn't Allison Court, who at that point had voiced Claire Redfield in every title and piece of media that Claire was voiced in up until that point. Resident Evil 2, Code Veronica, Darkside Chronicles, and multiple movies too. We hang on so frustratingly tight to these characters and the people who breath life into that that we get irrationally upset when things change or things go bad.

Which leads into my next point in this post. As much as I am praising the work of actors like Nick. I do want to shed light and recognition towards Lilly Gao. Who unfortunately as of late has deleted her Instagram because of fan backlash to a "mediocre" performance in the RE4 Remake. The hatred and backlash that Lilly has received is disgusting and uncalled for. I will admit they have toned down Ada's role in the remake but people outright saying she ruined the game? Absolutely uncalled for. This isn't Lilly's first go around at Ada either. It definitely is motivated by the fact that 1. Lilly is a woman but 2. Lilly is an AAPI woman and that makes her the target of unnecessary and unneeded criticism and attacks. Much moreso than her white counterparts would experience. I almost want to say that this behavior is new and is unheard of for the fandom but unfortunately that just isn't the case. While I am hoping we do see more from Ada and Lilly I don't know. What I do know is that we should all be rallying around the entire cast but especially Lilly. This remake is absolutely fantastic and even though her role may have been smaller, you physically cannot have Resident Evil 4 without Ada Wong.

*Update* I just found out through a user that DC Douglas actually groomed people. So we are absolutely aren't going to be singing his praises anymore. My apologies for bringing it up but I was messaged on this post and I genuinely did not know that this had occurred.

#leon kennedy #ada wong #nick apostolides #lilly gao #claire redfield #allison court #DC Douglas #Albert Wesker #Resident Evil 4 remake #RE4R #RE4R Leon #RE4R Ada #tw asian hate

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stinkybreath · 5 months

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hello

do you trust me to recommend you some books

I read ~170 this year and here’s reviews of my top ten, written for fb and crossposted under the cut in case you’re interested

1: Camp Concentration by Thomas Disch

-I know it’s not obvious from the way I conduct myself here, but I have a very large vocabulary. I was a kid who read the dictionary and also any thesaurus I had access to. So, that said, consider how much it means to me personally that this book taught me 30-50 new words. This isn’t a huge part of the reason I loved this book, but it is a very impressive fact about it that I think will grab the attention of people who might otherwise not read it. This book changed the way I read, the way I think about literature, and the way I evaluate what I have previously read. It’s offensive to me that I lived 30 years as an avid reader and culture sponge without hearing about this book. I cannot recommend it enough. I give it top spot on this list for a very good reason. I’d like to avoid spoiling any of the plot because while I called the twist easily, discovery of each point was so delightful that I want you to have that same experience.

2: Cockatiel x Chameleon by Bavitz

-You all have plenty of experience with me recommending works of fiction published online in formats that deter most readers. This is a normal Najwa activity. I know how it sounds and I know, therefore, that this plea will go more or less unheard, but I BEG you. Look past the fact this was published on AO3. This is one of the most remarkable books I’ve read, period. I mentioned in my worst of how much it bothers me that most writers can’t plausibly write about the internet. This book is the FUCKING ZENITH of writing about being online. It is the absolute peak and I will be shocked if I ever encounter another work that overtakes it. This is a book about people who are so strange they are barely human, but in ways that will be instantly familiar, intimately true, to those of us who grew up on the internet. There is violence and abuse and love and beauty and Chatroulette. There is art and gore and exploration of identity and apocalypse. There is fucking POSTING.

3: Serious Weakness by Porpentine

-Charity Heartscape Porpentine is one of our greatest living authors, opinions of snide Twitter users notwithstanding. I am an evangelist for her Twine game poetry because it is so singular and so affecting. Even a decade on, I can play through Their Angelical Understanding and feel freshly stabbed in the gut. Imagine the thrill I felt when she posted about her completed novel. I would (strongly) recommend this even to people who (somehow) bounced off her games, because her prose style is very distinct from the voice those are in (yet still recognizable). This is an incredibly violent, sick, stomach-turning, difficult, ugly, terrifying book. It’s also ultimately asking the reader a question about love and compassion. If you are sensitive to any trigger in written word about any violent action one person can do to another, skip this book, but if you feel like you have the strength, give her the nine bucks or whatever that she’s asking and devour it like I did. A hook for you: our protagonist has a chance meeting with an embodiment of pain. What follows includes torture, gender, climate disaster, and Columbine. Gorgeous. This book almost convinced me to start doing video essays so I could explain to people the incredible factors at play in it.

4: Negative Space by BR Yeager

-I have been trying to read this book for free for so long that I broke my streak and paid actual money for it. It was one of the better purchases I made all year. Thanks to finally reading some Stephen King this year I now have the requisite foundation to see how heavily his style inspired Yeager in this book, but I would die on the hill defending my position that Yeager does King better than King ever did. There is evil seeping out between the lines of this book. Have you ever had a nightmare that made you feel doomed the entire next day? Have you ever felt you were trapped in your shitty, dying home town? Have you ever been seduced by the excitement of activities that you know might actually kill you? Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and looked at your own dark reflection? Go back to the deepest point of your teenage depression here.

5: We Who Are About to by Joanna Russ

-One of the shortest entries on this list and so one of the easiest sells, but it is just as full of meaning as any other that made the cut. There is so much implied and unsaid about this protagonist. She feels whole, like this is the last chunk of chapters in a series centered on her, but she represents something universal. She is one member of a group from a crash-landed spaceship, a group small enough in numbers that there’s no way for humanity to last on this planet more than one more generation. Any attempts to do even that are so plainly cruel and self-deluding that she wants no part of them, but the others with her don’t see it the same way. Her story is womanhood under patriarchy, it is life and death, it is self-determination. Brutal. I read this at the airport and cried in public.

6: Carrie by Stephen King

-As much as I hate to say it, I gotta hand it to Uncle Steve (or really to Tabitha). This book very nearly justifies the rest of his career on its own. I thought had picked up most of it from cultural osmosis, but there was a truly shocking depth that I couldn’t have found without experiencing it firsthand. Maybe it’s funny to use this word here, but this book is humanist and compassionate and sincere in a way that King never finds again, particularly with the women he writes. Carrie is so vivid that I felt a protective instinct for her throughout the book even though I knew she was about to discover her own power. She reflects parts of me about as well as Lindqvist did in Little Star, which is the work of art that is THE most personal to me. A classic for a fucking reason.

7: The Doloriad by Missouri Williams

-This year, lots of the books that I read had strange echoes of each other. In this, I can pick out shades of Carrie, of Camp Concentration, of We Who Are About To, and even of Serious Weakness. Rarely if ever are these references by each author, but it has enriched my experience by having unofficial interlocking intertexts for all of them. This book has been very divisive with reviewers, and I understand why, because it is cruel and the prose is extremely stylistic. This is somewhat experimental and fully literary and sincerely philosophical. I get it. Not for everyone. But it was for me. A clan of inbreds at the end of the world with their eyes on their scapegoat, nonverbal and disabled Dolores. It shocked me and it challenged me and I loved it.

8: The Ice Cream Man and Other Stories by Sam Pink

-These short stories did the exact opposite of the thing that pissed me off about The Florida Project. These are about people who are varying degrees of sympathetic but the same degree of desperately, penny-scrapingly working poor. The easy pull quote is “unflinching,” because it turns an eye on very ugly parts of real life for so many of us. I think people who grew up middle class will find some voyeuristic, prurient pleasure in these stories, but they’re not written for you. They’re written for us, the people who have lived this way.

I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman 9

-I don’t need to tell you how great this book is, because the whole of booktok has told you this all year. Instead, what I will say is that it is much stranger and less tidy than you’re imagining when you hear the blurb. It’s a short read and it is one of the few times I haven’t regretted following booktok’s advice.

Only Lovers Left Alive by Dave Wallis 10

-This barely squeaked onto this year’s best of, because I started it before 2022 ended and finished it early in the new year. As I read it, especially in the first 20% of the book, I was confused as to how it ended up on my TBR. But toward the end, and throughout the year as I’ve continued to think about it, I understand more instinctively than intellectually that this is a remarkable work. A short synopsis: in the 80s in the UK, there is an epidemic of suicide, but only by adults. The teens left behind forge their own path.

#Porpentine #Bavitz #Thomas Disch #Dave Wallis #Sam pink #Stephen King #jacqueline harpman #Joanna Russ #Missouri Williams #br yeager #b. r. yeager #charity heartscape porpentine

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prettylightsbigcity · 2 years

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*rolls up after not posting anything in 2 months with starbucks* oh hey y'all. I went on a chaotic summer trip (and saw @foolofabookwyrm-activated @krisrix @tea-brigade AND @mostlymaudlin and it was THE BEST) and then I came home and uhhhh fell into a deep dark depression oop. aNyWaYs I am actually going to finish my wips (both published and unpublished) by the end of this year (maybe) so here's a lil peek at the next chapter of my COBB fic To Pay the Price:

*** Baz I push down the panic and force myself to step closer to the mirror, angling my head to one side so I can see more clearly. The wound doesn’t appear to be healing at all, which is unheard of for me. With my vampire physiology, bruises usually melt away and my skin knits itself back together in record time. Usually when I’m injured, I can barely see it the next day; even the deepest scars fade in just a few short months. I close my eyes and try to remember the vampire who bit me— mousy brown hair, a sallow face— nothing out of the ordinary. He must have been something other than a regular vampire, though, something more.

***

A LOT of lovely folks have been tagging me even though I've been *a ghost* for ages, so a huge thanks to @tea-brigade @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @stardustasincocaine @aristocratic-otter @palimpsessed @takitalks @ @ @ @ivelovedhimthroughworse @martsonmars and @ionlydrinkhotwater for the tags (and I've almost certainly missed some folks too). You're all mad talented and your tags made me smile <3 Consider this a little tag back for Wednesday since it's late in other time zones lol or just a hello and a hug :)

#wip #six sentence sunday #my writing #snowbaz #spicy link

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leonstamatis · 1 year

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these are really good questions so I’m going to throw a ton at you, feel free to choose which of them you actually want to answer

2, 7, 20, 40, 47, 65, 81, 93!

yeah!! i actually really love these questions i think they're great. good list. thank you hedge <3

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

oh this happens to me plenty. i tend to have very detailed outlines as a rule, so there's not a lot that catches me off-guard in terms of plot. but actually there's a wip i've got going right now where the first scene is, currently, 3.2k and counting -- which is absolutely fucking unheard of for me, a person who doesn't write scenes over 2k if i can help it. but the characters involved just kind of grabbed me by the shoulders and said, there's still things to say and do here, it's not time to move on yet. it does tend to happen the most in terms of length of the overall fic; the recent d&d movie fic i did was supposed to be a five times fic, and it is... aggressively longer than that.

7. tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

when i was in first grade, i wrote a story about the flowerpuff girls. like the powerpuff girls, but they were flowers, instead. i think this is hysterical, because it's very much in line with my interests today. i didn't know that was fanfic though; if we're talking about my first intentional fanfic attempt, i used to post self-insert naruto fanfic on quizilla, a sentence that ages me significantly every time i type it.

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

i don't tend to set out to write tropes, actually, so this is hard to answer. part of me wants to say mutual pining, but in terms of classically written tropes, i don't think i've ever really... done that? i've been doing a lot of found family and nontraditional platonic friendships, though, so probably that.

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

someone made the comment to me once that reading my fic was like walking through exhibits at a museum. i think of that often and i hold it very close to my heart.

47. what story are you most proud of?

forcing myself to answer this one a second time. i am really proud of killing the minotaur, largely because it provided the motivation to start working on other projects again and to stop caring as much about getting things wrong. it isn't perfect. but it's good.

65. what is your favourite title for a fic you’ve written?

reciprocity!! i've been saving that title for literal years and i just. was so pleased and delighted to finally have a reason to use it. es my beloved.

81. if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

"it doesn't have to be perfect, it can just get done." this is a battle i fight with myself almost every time i write, and it always has been. i think i used to be better about just posting whatever, but there's always been some amount of "it has to be exactly what's in my head to be worth it," which isn't true or fair to do to myself.

93. do you hear other people’s writing styles when they talk?

sometimes! there are certainly friends where i can pick up on things they write that they also tend to say a lot in real life. i do have to know someone pretty well to do it, though.

#thank youuuu <3<3<3 #ask meme #tam.ask #candidateofloyalty

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iamsuchi · 2 years

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A quick teaser- guys I’m coming back I swear. My phone broke so bear with me 😭😭😭

More importantly I started a subliminal YouTube channel. (Links and everything will be provided tomorrow- it’s a new ongoing project. I’ve done and continue to do my research on manifesting, the law of assumption and the power of our subconscious minds. I’m currently reading the power of your subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy. It’s a great book and If any of y’all are interested in learning more about the subconscious mind I highly recommend that book. Anyways - I’ve personally had good experiences with subs so far and got inspired to create me own. Using my own affirmations. My channel name is: I am Suchi)

Now on to the juicy part on how my new sub that I’m working on worked instantly😂😂 (more details on that sub and my channel later on when I post more In-depth info on the )

So I got for working on my subconscious mind recharger subliminal yesterday (June 14th). It took me some time because I created my own personal lil formula and writing the affs took me a whole week prior lol but while I was editing it I felt super chilled and relaxed even though the video was giving me hell to edit and took a few hours but when it was done I was extremely happy with it. I listened it a few times and just went on with my night as usual didn’t think anything much of it.

Anyway I’m on my laptop now and I read Yaoi (NSFW- If you don’t know what it is don’t look it up, If you do look it up… warned you and If you already know what it is good for you lol either way don’t judge me 😂😂) so yea I’m reading this manga while reading my laptop glitched out so I had to refresh the tab and for some reason I got logged out of the site. So I logged back in and searched back up the manga and went to the page that I was at. (At this point the manga only had 9 chapters) so I got done almost reading it that chapter and right when I was about to click off of the manga. I thought rushed through my head “I wish they would update the Manga I want to know what comes next.” Y’all I kid you not when when I closed the managa this popped up “sorry this chapter has been deleted” so I refreshed the tab again and went back to that manga and it said “new chapter- 10”. It might sound simple for y’all but that manga takes a while to update usually a few days sometimes weeks and them dropping 2 chapters in one day like this is unheard of for this specific manga. I literally manifested that extra chapter lmao 😂 I got so excited because I’m like yoooo my subliminal worked!!!

I’m going to upload it later on today on my channel. Since it’s like 2am now but I had to share that with y’all lol It was so funny and cool to me.

The channel name is: I Am suchi.

I’d appreciate the support, I will be providing links and everything tomorrow, again bear with me I’m without a working phone, waiting on my old one to be fixed:(.

Anywho hope yall enjoyed my Weird success story 😂it’s 2am I’m off to bed Later!!!!

Happy manifesting! Love Suchi 💕💕💕

#manifestwithsuchi #IAmSuchiSubs #SuchiSubs #success story

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justanindecisivepisces · 2 years

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checking your privilege

privilege (noun): a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group

As stated in my first post, when considering my expectations for Ireland I did not set many for the country, however, I did set some for myself. One of the biggest things I wanted to do while on this trip was too heavily consider the changes I was experiencing and why they stand out. Change is scary and a typical response to difference is to put it in a negative light. I have caught myself on multiple occasions starting to state that something I am facing is "weird" or "strange". Something that I have tried my best to do in order to combat this is to change my wording to something less negative. For example, "this is different from the U.S. and makes more/less sense because of x, y, and z". Not only have I noticed this when comparing privileges between the U.S. and Ireland, but also when acknowledging my own privileges while traveling abroad. I have noticed many many privileges, but for the sake of not writing a book I will limit each section to three points.

Privileges that I have: 1. Speaking English Since English is my first language I am very fortunate that I can travel almost anywhere in the world and not have to worry about being able to communicate the the people there. Even if English is not the first language of the locals or even other travelers, it is required in school for most other countries. 2. Not experiencing discrimination based on my appearance A HUGE privilege that I have is that I am a white woman. Especially when being in a new area, in this case a new country, it helps that I do not stand out. Whether this be because with a lot of hard work I could pass as a local, or something even more important like my safety. 3. Security Knowing that because of my identity, where I live, and who I have in my support system I will most likely never experience insecurity when it comes to housing, health, etc.

Privileges that Ireland has: 1. Accessible public transportation The biggest thing I have noticed in Ireland is that public transportation is EVERYWHERE! Not only is it everywhere, but it is extremely inexpensive and easy to navigate. 2. Diversity Something extremely cool that Ireland has is an extremely diverse congress. Not only is it diverse in race and ethnicity, but gender and sexuality as well. This is also something that is often mentioned and looked at in a positive light! 3. Daylight! One of my FAVORITE things about Ireland so far has been the amount of light in a day. The sun rises around 5 am and sets around 10pm, giving a large span of daytime each day. This allows so much time to explore the wonderful country.

Privileges that America has: 1. Splitting the bill I will NEVER take for granted being able to pay separate. EVER. AGAIN. This is something that was extremely hard for me to get used to since being in Ireland. Trying last minute to figure out who would pay and how we were going to pay them back has been quite stressful. 2. Women in history While women have been often left out of U.S. history, hence things such as the #SayHerName movement, I do not believe it is nearly as bad as I have seen in Ireland. Hardly any mentions of women, even in extremely tourist locations, and if they are mentioned they are sexualized or it somehow benefits a man. As a woman living in the U.S. I am 75% confident that if I accomplished something amazing it would be recognized and recorded. If I were to be a woman in Ireland it would probably be less than 20% confidence. 3. Housing The housing crisis in Ireland is incredibly upsetting. Learning about the way that landlords practically auction off apartments, and being lucky to get one with rent less than $2,000 is unheard of, leading to a massive population of unhoused citizens. In the U.S. there can be times when housing can be difficult to locate but never to this caliber.

Recognizing privilege is challenging, and not something that is ideal as it will make you question the way you go about your daily life at times. This is, however, extremely necessary when it comes to making progress in society. While only nine privileges were listed, this could easily be written into a never ending book. I challenge you to take this into consideration in your own life. How will you check your privilege?

Go raibh maith agat as léamh. (Thanks for reading)

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yourmomhasadhd · 3 months

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Hi and welcome! I wanted my first post to introduce yall to who I am and why I’m here.

Who I am:

My name is Sara, I’m 29, and I live in California with my family. I haven’t exactly decided how much explicit detail I’m going to give yet, so right now you’ll hear me refer to my husband as R and my son as E. You’ll probably see some references to my dad as well, as he is part of our household, too.

I was diagnosed with general anxiety, severe social anxiety, and PTSD in 2021, and diagnosed with ADHD in January 2024. I’m currently on an array of medications for those, and so far they’re working really well.

Why I’m here:

In 2021, after E was born, I became a stay-at-home mom. And in early 2022, I began studying for my AS in Early Childhood Education. I chose ECE due to the similarities in schedules between that field, and for when E started school.

Beyond that, though, there were two additional experiences that led me to where I am today. First, in the hospital, I chose to formula feed; this was due to many circumstances, including the fact that E was 10 pounds at birth. When I left the hospital, the nurses gave me a folder of information and told me that most of my questions regarding my newborn could be answered by the papers in the folder. A few days later, I was worried about E’s bowel movements - so I consulted the folder, only to find that all of the information was regarding children who were breastfed. I felt incredibly alone in that moment, and almost shamed for my choice to formula feed. The second experience came when E failed his first screening for Autism at age 2. I struggled with my emotions regarding his potential diagnosis and didn’t necessarily feel as if it was a time for me to struggle. As a mom, I felt like I should be able to focus solely on my son and how to get him the support he needed…but while I did feel those things, I also struggled with the enormity of ASD and what that diagnosis would mean for not just E, but our family, too.

Those two experiences led me to one important realization: I am not alone. And if I felt this way, other new parents and caregivers must, too. So I want to advocate for them; I want to be their support, be their person. I want to be the person that I needed to hear from during my experiences, so that no other caregiver feels alone or unheard in their journeys.

Why I’m here, part two:

I often feel the need to write my experiences down and put them into the world. I feel like others can benefit from what I’m going through. I have this hope that, one day, a caregiver who is struggling will stumble across a post of mine and not feel so alone. Honestly, if I can help one person with what I put here, that’s enough for me.

With that being said:

My inbox is always open. Vent to me. Ask me questions. Tell me about your life, about your journey, about your experiences. (And if you want it kept between us, that’s totally fine! Just let me know in the message so that I don’t post it publicly.)

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ltsaradharkness · 2 years

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So I'm pretty sure this is where I say stuff I can't or would not say elsewhere. If I scrolled to the early days it has poop jokes etc.

But I've been sick for weeks. I was on antibiotics and steroids for a week but they didn't help and the pain in my throat got so bad that that I called my doctor again and I had to wait 5 days because it was the weekend but he got me on 30 day antibiotic and 3 days of Azithromycin which finally cleared up my sore throat for the most part but I'm still sick I'm still coughing and I've still got heavy congestion and stuff. But what I'm happy about is that being on these antibiotics has not caused me to be constipated since for me constipation causes a whole host of other problems headaches included it's one of my most common triggers for migraines to be honest, but since I've been on the pills and everything I haven't had any trouble going to the bathroom in fact some days I go twice a day which is unheard of in my world. So there's that which is just great hopefully the rest of this clears up soon because I'm so sick of coughing it's not as bad as it was before I'm not constant but sometimes it's so bad I almost throw up. And since the pain in my throat has cleared up I feel like my throat has grown up fur rug which is just a really odd sensation but hopefully I'll be better soon.

I was working on cleaning my room earlier and burned the ever living s*** out of my crotch with a cup of hot tea because I lost my my hand hold that I had on the cup when I tried to shift a little bit and literally poured scalding hot tea on my crotch and my stomach so then had to spend two hours cleaning I'm getting my bedding dry so that I could go to sleep as well as getting my normal clothes washed so I'd have underwear this week. My brother and I went and got my stuff from his storage unit and hopefully in the morning I can work on getting the stuff re sorted and packed and everything so that I can put it in the Attic.

I decided to start trying half of the CBD gummies because a whole one seems to be too much yeah I have one takes a little bit longer to kick in but it doesn't seem to put me in a weird days the whole next day whereas a whole one I feel like all I can hear in my head is ocean sounds which I told my boss that and she looked at me like I was crazy and I'm like normally they're screeching in my head so ocean sounds is calming sure but it's also really strange for me and she's like maybe it's too strong I don't like you know what that was my thought. It's funny my my boss is only 10 years older than me but she's also from Crimea so she's from Ukraine Russia that sort of thing however you want to think of it especially since she's 44 so I guess at the time it was when she grew up it was still all post war and stuff so she's a weird least Americans maybe sort of idea about things maybe she's just a little like she's a little older than she seems or then she actually is I don't know it's hard to explain she's funny and she thinks I'm f****** hilarious for when I react to people. Working in a hotel is such a weird experience for me. I don't like people and I just want to tell half of my guests to just f*** off but I also try and I do try to be helpful and considerate but also you're in my house I'm not going to let you run all over me dude. Especially since majority of the time I am the only one on shift literally if I work second shift maybe the first 2 hours my bosses are there but the rest of my shift I'm alone and then on third shift I'm only with my bosses for the last 30 minutes of the change of shift so literally I spend 5 to 7 hours of every shift completely alone and people seem to think that we should do more for them than we actually do we're not a resort hotel we're not a five-star hotel like hell we're not even a three-star hotel we don't we don't have the support to do things the way you think we should be doing them also where did you get these ideas that this is the way things were at a hotel do you watch too many movies or something like where did you get these ideas.

I'm gonna go to bed now, I know most of this doesn't have punctuation but that's because I used Google voice to talk and I literally just did not feel like typing it out.

#random #my daily brain

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bruh-changbin · 2 years

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we can dance again

pairing: dancer!lee minho x afab reader

requested: yes

genre: smut, angst, some fluff if you squint (minors dni)

warnings: kissing, oral (f recieving), face sitting/riding, fingering (f recieving), tit fucking, cum eating, public sex, exhibitionism, brief mention of masturbation (f)

word count: 8.8k

a/n: me? posting 2 fics in one month? unheard of. this is for the lovely @ddeungies , take this as a late birthday/early 2 year friendship anniversary present. you of all people know how fucking LONG i've been working on this baby, so i hope you enjoy. (p.s: i have something fun planned and will likely post within the next week, stay tuned ;))

part 2 to this blurb

photos not mine, credits to original owners (retrieved from Pinterest)

sex is… difficult

which is contrary to popular belief. most people believe that sex is easy, and that love is difficult. but if you think about it, it can go either way.

because sex can lead to love, and that’s where it can catch you off guard if you’re not careful. even if you somehow convince yourself that there’s ‘no strings attached’ and you’re just fucking to feel good, the pesky desire for something more can sneak up on you.

which, unfortunately, is your current unpleasant reality.

picture this: it’s mid december, and you’re practically hibernating under a mountain of blankets in your frigid apartment. the weather forecast says there will be flurries for the whole week, and the view outside your window proves that to be true.

a familiar chime sounds from your phone and you peer at the screen, seeing that you’ve received a text from none other than your best friend hyunjin.

[11:36 am] jinnie: what are your plans exactly 2 weeks from today?

of course, you had nothing planned, your calendar blank for the rest of the month and even into the beginning of january.

so, when hyunjin sends you pictures of a gorgeous chalet with intentions of renting it for a weekend, you hopped on board.

the following 2 weeks went by at a steady pace as you anticipated this short holiday get away with your friends. sure, the city can be beautiful during the winter, but nothing beats the breathtaking view of pine trees and ski slopes covered in dazzling white snow.

hyunjin picked you up at 9:45 on a friday morning, with felix was sitting in the back struggling to bluetooth pair his phone with hyunjins car. once you hopped into the passenger's seat and buckled your seatbelt, you were off. the drive was surprisingly relaxing despite felix talking almost non-stop the entire ride, and in 2 hours, give or take, you had arrived.

thankfully, the chalet looked exactly like the pictures and hyunjin heaved a sigh of relief knowing that he wasn’t scammed. the exterior was constructed entirely of thick pine logs, with dozens of windows allowing for a grand view of the ski resort that was just a quick drive away. the interior had everything you’d expect: fireplace, hot tub, king size beds in every bedroom. hyunjin really lucked out with this place.

shortly after your arrival, the other car pulled into the drive way, and felix and hyunijn introduced you to their other friends: chan, chaeyoung, mina and minho. the 7 of you quickly got settled before heading out to enjoy the outdoors.

the weekend flew by in a flash. after the first night you had become well acquainted with the 4 folks you had just met. you all cooked together, watched movies together, and had one very intense snowball fight. chaeyoung and felix somehow convinced you to try skiing, which ended in you almost breaking your ankle.

and then there was the last night of the trip. the last night where everyone drank one too many coolers and headed to bed early in anticipation of driving home the following morning. the last night where you and minho stayed up and fucked in the hot tub - and then in the shower.

you can’t say that you didn’t see it coming; minho had caught your eye the second he stepped out of chan’s beaten up honda civic when they arrived not long after you did. something about the way he presented himself to you was captivating - and attractive.

he wasn’t rude or stand-offish, no, but reserved. reserved in a kind of way that kept you yearning to know more about him. of course he had a good heart, you could see it in the way he treated the ones that he was close to.

which, as wholesome as it was to see, made you feel sad; left out even. you can’t blame him of course, for he had only known you for approximately 72 hours - give or take. but you so desperately wanted to get close to him, wanted him to be affectionate towards you like he was to felix or hyunjin.

unfortunately, before you had the chance to establish that relationship, the trip was over.

the car ride back to your place was much gloomier than the one to the log cabin. hyunjin and felix could sense something was wrong, but they didn’t want to pry.

since then, you’ve been cooped up in your apartment, mentally bashing yourself for getting everyone's contact info but minho’s. you’ve watched just about all of the romantic comedies netflix has to offer, imagining that the two protagonists that are pining after each other are you and minho. it makes you cringe.

why have you been so sappy recently? maybe it’s because mercury is in retrograde. ugh.

a quick look at the calendar app on your phone let’s you know that it’s been nine days since you’ve returned.

nine whole days!

and, quite pathetically, minho hasn’t left your mind at all. but can you really blame yourself? i mean, you’re you - a hopeless romantic. and minho is everything you could hope for; charming, mysterious, a good kisser. ergo, you can’t help it when all of your thoughts lead back to him.

in the darkest hours of the night, when a blanket of sleep is placed upon the city and only the moon is awake to judge you, you think about him. countless nights you’ve spent writhing under the sheets of your bed, your fingers tracing down your abdomen before dipping under the waistband of your panties as he occupies your thoughts.

you reminisce over that night in the hot tub, and how the aquatic turquoise glow accentuated his features, how his hands gripped your hips so hard there were purple and blue bruises left.

or, you think about how he took you in the shower right after - your chest pressed up against the cold tiles as he fucked you from behind, scalding hot water cascading down to where your bodies intersected.

and on other days, when the snow and wind seep into your apartment and chill you to the bone, you’re reminded of how he kissed you in the hallway before you both turned in for the night. although you’d wish that your landlord would fix your broken radiator, the thought of that moment is enough to bring you warmth even on the coldest of days.

you think about him, and everything he is.

all of that being said, it’s been a tough nine days. overcast, cold, and lonely. it’s not your fault you’ve barely left your apartment. in fact, winter semester just started and you definitely have some catching up to do, seeing as you haven’t even had enough motivation to read a single syllabus. at least classes are online so you don’t have to venture out into the cold.

every day is somewhat the same. wake up, try to focus on school, think about minho, rinse and repeat. if it weren’t for your nightly orders of take-out your neighbours might have thought you were dead - that is if they even give a shit about you.

this morning is different though.

this morning, you wake up to a lovely email from your professor who is unable to host a lecture today due to an unexpected emergency (how unfortunate), meaning you have the whole day to yourself.

the prospect of lounging around and staying out of the cold is extremely tempting, but hyunjin and felix have been on your ass non-stop recently about hanging out. so, you get ready to head outside and text your friends on where to meet you - two birds, one stone.

and who knows, maybe felix and hyunjin can offer some insight on your little attachment problem.

“is there a reason you invited us to our favourite cafe and then paid for our orders, or are you just feeling nice today?”

hyunjin questions you as the two of you wander aimlessly around the cafe looking for an open booth; felix jogs to catch up with you after grabbing a handful of napkins.

“what, can’t i just treat my two best friends for once?” you retort as the three of you slip into a booth located right beside a magnificently large window, granting you a view of the heart of your city.

downtown isn’t always your favourite place to be. with tons of overpriced consignment stores and sketchy alleys at every turn, it’s natural for you to avoid this particular area of town. however, amongst the rundown restaurants and boutiques that are somehow still in business since they always seem to be empty, there are some hidden gems - this cafe being one.

you discovered it during first year when you were in search of a particular shop that had some copies of a textbook you needed for a class. the bookstore was quaint and secluded and the shop owner was very friendly, but the price of said required textbook almost made you have a heart attack. so, you left the shop empty handed, convincing yourself that you’ll somehow find a free version online even though you had already scoured the internet for one.

not wanting your valiant downtown excursion to be all for naught, you decided to do a bit of exploring - which is how you found this cafe. it’s not hidden per se, but if you weren’t looking for it it would be difficult to find; the dark green exterior somewhat blends in with the other shops and makes them look like they’re all connected.

you’re not sure exactly how long you spent in there when you first found it, but it was mid-day when you arrived and completely dark outside when you left.

naturally, you told hyunjin and felix about it, and it quickly became your own secret spot for hangouts and studying.

“of course you can,” felix puts his drink down before unzipping his puffy winter coat, “it’s just that you literally never treat us. so i’m sure you can understand where our scepticism is coming from.”

hyunjin nods in agreement before pulling out his phone and snapping a pic of his latte art.

“ok fine.” you sigh in defeat. “i’m having some boy troubles and i need your guys’ opinions.”

hyunjin immediately perks up at your admission whereas felix busies himself with adding creamer to his iced coffee.

“boy troubles you say? i’m all for a bit of drama. what’s going on?” the elder of the two responds, and they both wait for you to start talking.

“so… you know how we went on that trip with a bunch of people a bit over a week ago? and on the last night everyone went to bed early since we had to get up early?”

both felix and hyunjin look slightly confused, but they nod and encourage you to continue.

“well i stayed up,”

you can feel a lump forming in your throat as your confession sits at the tip of your tongue. come on, you can do this. just say it!

“and had sex with minho in the hot tub…”

both of their jaws drop.

“and then in the shower…”

“woah woah woah, one thing at a time… what??!!” felix exclaims, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets.

“and you waited what, a week and a half to tell us this? what the fuck y/n!” hyunjin quips, his voice lowered so as not to disrupt the other patrons who probably don’t want to hear about your late night hookup.

“if it’s bothering you so much why did you wait this long to talk to us about it?”

“i don’t know!” you whine aloud, head in your hands as you crumble under your friends’ stares. “i guess i wanted to try to sort things out myself before coming to you guys.”

pulling your head out of your hands, you peer out the window to your left and take in the hustle and bustle of the city on a tuesday at 4:30 pm. it’s an overcast day, the clouds overhead blocking out the sun, and you’re sure it will start snowing soon. a woman waits at the crosswalk while clutching several shopping bags in one of her hands. a couple strolls down the sidewalk with their dog, presumably heading to the nearby park. for a moment, everything is peaceful.

“so.” felix’s sudden interjection brings you back to reality. “you want our opinion on what you should do?”

“more or less, yea.” you respond, finger tracing the rim of your mug. “i can’t stop thinking about him. i know i sound desperate or delusional but i need to know if i have a shot with him or if i should just give up.”

your friends are quiet for a moment, contemplative as they think of the right thing to say.

“why minho though?” hyunjin suddenly speaks up. “i mean, you’re sweet and attractive and could probably pull whoever you want,” his fingers pick at the chipped wood of the table as he rolls his thoughts around in his head before voicing them. “whereas minho… i feel like he’s not exactly your type.”

“what are you trying to say?”

hyunjin seems to shift awkwardly at your response, briefly glancing over to felix for some help - felix is watching a puppy play in the snow through the window.

“what i’m trying to say is minho can be a little oblivious when it comes to romance. i just don’t want you to get hurt if he doesn’t reciprocate.”

hyunjin did have a point there. the two of them have known minho for years whereas for you it’s been what, a couple of weeks?

“what’s so captivating about him anyway?” felix ponders before sipping on his coffee, the ice making a quiet tinkling sound as it rattles in the glass.

you roll your eyes before responding, “i find it funny that you guys have been his best friend for years and you’re asking me what his good qualities are.”

“oh hush, you know what i mean,” felix retorts while furrowing his brows, ”just answer the question.”

you allow your head to loll back onto the velvet cushion of the booth while you think of a response. there are lots of things you like about minho. but a lot of the things you like are quite nsfw, and felix might squeal in disgust if you voice your thoughts.

“well,” you start. “i know i didn’t interact with him all too much during the trip, but he seems very attentive. he really looks after the two of you.” you pause, thinking of a good metaphor before continuing. “he’s like a candy with a hard shell, but once you break it you get all of the gooey sweet stuff inside.”

your words remind you of the time you spent at the chalet. minho, although reticent, had a soft side. it was obvious in the way he cared for hyunjin and felix, specifically the younger of the two.

“ok shakespeare,” felix says while chuckling, “you fucked him twice and now you’re head over heels for him.”

“hey come on! that is so hyperbolic lix. sorry for having romantic desires like any other human being.” you whine in response to felix’s teasing and hyunjin pats your head affectionately while laughing.

a comfortable silence settles over the three of you. snow continues to fall outside, and the sky slowly darkens to a deep shade of blue with hints of black and indigo.

“i think you should go for it.”

hyunjin’s the one to break the silence by his admission.

“you really think so? you better not be setting me up for failure here.”

felix chimes in, “i have to agree with hyunjin. i mean, it’s clear that he has some interest in you, right? or else he wouldn’t have had sex with you.”

can’t argue with that.

this conversation has been a great confidence boost, and you wonder why you spent so much time wallowing in your apartment instead of seeking advice.

“hmmm… okay. i’ll go for it.” you triumphantly slam your mug down onto the wooden table, acting as if you’re a valiant knight who has just declared battle.

“but if this backfires, i blame the two of you.”

this is dumb.

this is so unbelievably dumb. you should just turn around and leave and spare yourself the embarrassment. forget minho, forget hyunjin and felix’s advice, forget everything.

but despite the incessant nagging in your head telling you that this is a bad idea, your feet continue to carry you in the direction of your campus’ dance studio.

hyunjin had given you details on minho’s whereabouts after your chat with him and felix at the cafe. if he was right, that means minho would be at the dance studio for the next couple of hours. preferably alone, so you don’t make a scene and embarrass yourself in front of even more people.

you’ve always had a certain admiration for dance majors - or just any art majors in general. sure, you are partially biassed since felix and hyunjin are dance majors themselves, but you can’t help it.

something about the way someone can convey so much emotion through movement is so intriguing. that, and the fact that dance is very physically and emotionally demanding gives you the utmost respect for anyone who partakes.

you’ve been in this area of campus a couple of times prior to this; usually to surprise hyunjin and felix with takeout and to give their bodies a break from dancing. so navigating it isn’t too difficult, and you soon find yourself standing outside of the dance studio - which is empty.

now all you can do is wait.

standing alone in the vacant hallway, you’re left alone with your thoughts - which are buzzing around in your head like a hive of bees. of course you trust felix and hyunjin’s judgement, but what if they’re wrong? what if minho just wants to pretend nothing ever happened between the two of you and was hoping you’d never cross paths again? he hasn’t made any effort to get in contact with you thus far so maybe you should just forget-

“y/n?”

there it is. you’d recognize that saccharine voice anywhere; the voice that repeats over and over in your head like a broken record.

it feels like the world is in slow motion as you turn around and allow your gaze to fall upon him. drops of snow cling to his hair and give it a little shimmer as he shakes his head to remove some of it. the tip of his nose is stained pink from the cold, and he appears as if he just stepped out of a watercolour painting.

his winter jacket isn’t zipped up and underneath he has on a plain white t-shirt that fits his toned chest just right. and of course you can’t miss the grey sweatpants that sit just above his hips, the fabric tightly hugging his thighs even though the fit is supposed to be loose and baggy.

his presence quite literally renders you speechless, and you have to force yourself to say something so as to not look like a creep who has a staring problem.

“oh, minho! hi.”

“hi…?”

there’s a beat of silence, and then you notice the key in his hand, so you shuffle backwards to grant him access to the door. apparently you had been waiting for him in that hallway for quite awhile, since there’s now a puddle of melted snow and slush underneath your feet.

“i’m assuming you’re looking for felix and hyunjin, right?” he moves to unlock the door. you catch a whiff of his cologne and satsuma scented shampoo as he brushes past you, and your knees turn to jelly. “they’re not practising tonight.”

“actually i was looking for you.”

he falters momentarily, stopping to peer at you over his shoulder before turning back to face the door of the practice room. you stare at his side profile as he puffs his cheeks out and nods at your statement, his hair bouncing slightly every time he tilts his head. ugh, he makes your heart ache.

“do you wanna come in?” he motions to the studio, which now has the door open, and you nod before following him inside.

“so, you were looking for me?”

“yeah. I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“talk about…”

“you know what i want to talk about minho.”

and he does know what you want to talk about. it’s quite obvious; the elephant in the room if you will. the deep-rooted question of ‘what now?’ hanging in the air.

it’s likely that neither of you assumed there would be any follow up contact after what happened. sure, maybe you would bump into each other every once in a while since you have mutual friends, that would be the extent of it. people fuck all the time and then move on as if nothing happened.

not you though. and you’re not sure if minho feels the same way.

“why talk?”

huh? does he not even want to talk about it? just forget anything ever happened? you can’t say you’re surprised though, you had prepared yourself for the worst and are taking it in stride.

staring at the floor, you try to conjure up the right words to say. should you just leave? that might spare you some embarrassment. luckily minho is the first one to act - you hear him shuffle closer to where you’re standing looking at the ground.

and when you look up, his lips are on yours.

comfort is the first thing that comes to mind when you push your lips against minho’s. that and just how fucking good it feels to be kissing the person you’ve been yearning to kiss for what seems like ages.

so that’s what he meant when he said ‘why talk’.

minho’s hands come up to cup your face, the pads of his fingers are still cold from when he was outside, and you shiver at the sudden cool sensation. although it does feel nice against your cheeks, which are heating up fairly quickly.

your hands travel up his torso before gripping onto the back of his neck and pulling him flush against you. in this moment you’re sure the two of you look straight out of a scene from one of the many rom coms you watched; chests pressed against each other, lips moulding together, hands grasping anything they can.

desperation exudes off the both of you as grab and pull at each other. mouths moving and dancing together with articulacy, noses occasionally nudging against each other when one of you slightly tilts your head. any passerby could easily peer into the practice room and see the two of you, but you don’t care - and it seems like minho doesn’t either.

the only sounds that fill the large room you’re in is that of your lips sucking and biting at each other as well as the deep inhales you both continuously pull through your noses.

the delicate skin of the back of minho’s neck twitches slightly when you drag your nails across it, fingers tugging at the hair on the nape of his neck. he must be especially sensitive there, because the action makes him part his lips against yours and release a drawn out pornographic moan. your teeth gently bite down on his bottom lip before tugging on it slightly, and then releasing it before looking minho right in the eyes.

he stares at you like you’re some sort of angel on earth; pupils blown out with lust that are surely the size of dinner plates, chest heaving slightly, mouth partially ajar as you pant for oxygen. minho takes this as an open invitation to dive back into you, his tongue slipping past your lips and teeth before slotting against your own. a slick mess builds in your mouth and on your tongue as you swap saliva, drool beginning to slowly seep past the corners of your swollen lips.

it’s hot and hungry and desirous, and reminds you of the last time you hooked up with him. which is the whole reason you’re in this mess in the first place!

oh no no no, you do not need a repeat of the past week and a bit.

in all honesty you hadn’t even anticipated that you would’ve gotten this far, so you didn’t formulate any sort of basic plan on what to do in the event that minho wants to fuck you again.

your brain short circuits and you have no clue what you should do. great, now you’re extremely tense and minho can definitely sense it since in the next few seconds he retracts his lips from yours.

“are you okay?”

no. yes? maybe… you have no idea; your brain has been reduced to a useless puddle of mush.

“i uhhh, i don’t know. sorry.”

and with that you spin on your heel and leave, leaving a hot and bothered minho standing alone in the practice room in disbelief.

hyunjin and felix look like two penguins when you approach them in the park.

although you’re sure you look no different; sporting a giant puffer jacket, thick wool mittens, and a scarf that’s so high up it tickles your nose every time you inhale.

felix is the first to notice you, smiling as you wave at him before nudging hyunin’s elbow. you’re forced to throw your hands up in defence as hyunjin turns around and lobs a snowball at your head; luckily it crashes against your mittens.

“very funny, jinnie.” you mutter while brushing the snow off of your covered hands.

after hyunjins failed attempt at a snowball fight, the three of you start walking in stride through the park.

“so, what was the emergency?” hyunjin questions you while staring down at the salt covered walk way.

“what?”

“... you texted us at midnight last night saying there was an emergency and that we need to meet up.”

that’s right! you had completely forgotten your late night text to the both of them as you frantically rushed out of the practice room.

“oh! right. so i went and saw minho last night,”

both hyunjin and felix whip their heads around to look at you, their eyes gleaming with a hint of desire to be in on some gossip.

noticing your sudden sheepishness, hyunjin raises his eyebrows in an attempt to get you to keep talking.

“and,” you inhale deeply, “something happened.”

the two boys continue to give you the same look, egging you on to continue.

“we kissed.”

silence. you spare a glance at your two friends, noticing how they eye each other with suspicion before felix speaks up.

“you…kissed?”

seemingly out of nowhere, hyunjin bursts into a fit of laughter.

“i thought he sucked your tits or something with the way you were hyping that up.”

“hyunjin shut the fuck up! seeing as this whole situation was causing me copious amounts of stress it’s a big deal!” you exaggerate as the three of you trudge through the snow.

it takes about a minute for hyunjins fit of laughter to die down. he chuckles a few times before clearing his throat, muttering a quick ‘sorry’, and pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth to prevent himself from laughing again.

“so what happened?” felix presses while peering over his scarf, the tips of his ears a cute cherry red as a result of the cold.

“i tensed up so he pulled away and then i freaked out and left…”

felix scoffs, “you’re an idiot.”

“yeah, and you’re going to be an even bigger idiot if you don’t go back and tell that man how you feel.” hyunjin adds on before reaching up to adjust his pom pom hat.

“i don’t know if i can even look him in the eye after running away from him last night, god it was so awkward.”

legs tired from walking and toes numb from the snow, the three of you stop to take a seat on one of the many ironwork benches that line the pathway you’re walking along.

“listen y/n,” felix sniffles slightly, bringing his hand up to his face so he can wipe his nose on his mitten. “just take some time for yourself tonight. have a bubble bath, watch a movie, masturbate, whatever you need to do to de-stress.”

“wait, what-”

“and then,” he cuts you off, “once your head is clear, go find minho.”

here you are again.

making the same trek you did not too long ago to find the man that you made out with not too long ago. hyunjin’s directions ring in your head as you follow the same path as last time. go through the large double doors, turn right, at the fork in the road turn left, and it’s the second door you come across.

although today you would’ve been able to locate it even without directions. the moment you stepped into the building you could hear music, and it only got louder as you made your way through the building towards the studio.

worst case scenario, there’s an entire class in the studio and you’re either forced to wait outside awkwardly or make the walk of shame back to your apartment. but luck is on your side today; when you peer into the studio space it’s just minho, practising alone.

he doesn’t seem to notice your presence, so you rest your weight on the wall behind you and just observe. minho’s outfit is similar to the one he wore the last time you saw him - a plain tee with sweatpants and sneakers. it’s nothing special but he still manages to look amazing as always. beads of sweat roll down his neck and his temple as he dances, a small patch of his shirt between his shoulder blades damp with sweat.

you marvel at the way he moves with such ease and precision, his fluidity resembling a body of water. at times he’s fast and powerful, like a coursing river that sweeps you off of your feet and drags you under. other times he’s slow and precise, calculated movements that mimic that of a gentle flowing stream.

enamoured with watching the way he moves, you fail to notice the music fade away. and within the next few seconds the door swings open and out pops minho’s head.

“are you stalking me?”

the question takes you aback, and you feel heat rush to your cheeks in embarrassment.

“stalking y- what? hey, i’m not stalking you!”

“kidding.” minho swings the door open and steps to the side, a non-verbal invitation for you to enter. so you do.

“i’ll be honest,” he peers at you through the mirror. “i didn’t expect to see you here again.”

you take a second to marvel at his physique. the muscles between his shoulder blades flexing ever so slightly as he allows his head to hang, staring at his shoes.

“yeah i kinda left you hanging last time… sorry.”

he shakes his head slightly. “no need to apologise.”

his breathing is still heavy as he takes a sip from his water bottle, his rosy pink lips plump and wet when he finishes drinking.

“can i ask why you left last time though? did i do something wrong?”

you shake your head, and he breathes a sigh of relief. of course he didn’t do anything wrong, it was your psychoactive brain that messed things up.

“i don’t know,” you shift your weight to your hips as you look around the room, avoiding eye contact with minho. you don’t know why but you feel like crying.

“i think i just got overwhelmed and freaked out, that’s all.”

“oh, ok.” minho nods, not wanting to push the subject further since it’s clearly making you uncomfortable.

now you’re unsure of what to do. so you let minho take the reigns and just stand there as you wait for him to speak.

“do you want to try again?”

of course you do, and this time you won’t allow yourself to clam up.

and so, just like the last time you saw him, he leans in to kiss you. right off the bat it’s much needier and desperate than last time, your mouths moving and intermingling with much more vigour. your nails lightly graze the skin of his chest as you grab a fistful of his t-shirt, just so you can have something to hold onto and ground yourself with.

minho’s tongue skims the front of your teeth before pushing past them and rubbing against your own, a soft moan leaving your lips at the action. his fingers busy themselves with the zipper of your puffer jacket, the metallic scraping sound filling your ears as he unzips it and pulls it off of your shoulders.

the transition from standing to the two of you lying on the wooden floor of the studio is messy - and quite awkward.

but it does nothing to distract you from how badly you want minho at this very moment. hell a tornado could come rip the building down and your only thoughts would be minho, minho, minho!

a firm hand grasps your wrist and more or less yanks you forward, so you’re now straddling minho. there’s a burning stretch in your inner thighs as you spread your leads wide enough to accommodate his hips as you’re perched on top of him.

the rough inseam on your jeans drags deliciously against your cunt as you grind your hips into minho’s. his hands become more curious as they slowly explore your body, dragging across the expanse of your back and the sides of your torso before finally settling on your hips. you feel him start to gently guide you back and forth against his pelvis, his semi-hard cock pressing against you through the confines of his sweatpants, causing your breath to catch in your throat.

teasings of a whine are drawn from minho’s lips as bite down gently on his ear lobe, your tongue then grazing the sharp edge of his jaw before your lips come in contact with the supple skin of his neck. skin that bruises so easily, if you remember correctly.

having had just about enough of your teasing, minho retracts his hands from your hips and places them on your shoulders before pushing you up so you’re seated on top of his hips. he follows shortly after, using his elbows to push himself off of the ground so he’s sitting up just like you are.

he kisses you once more before pulling away, his gaze trailing down to the button of your jeans, which he wastes no time popping open and tugging down the zipper. you struggle to pull your jeans off without looking like a fool, and you push minho’s shoulder as you catch him chuckling at your difficulty in removing your pants.

finally, you get your jeans off of your legs and toss them onto the floor a couple feet away from you. when you look back at minho, you find his eyes soaking up the view that is your half naked body sitting on top of him. your panties are much less of a barrier than your thick denim jeans, and you can feel the outline of his dick pressing against your scantily clad pussy.

“can you,” he starts, his eyes nervously darting back and forth from your eyes to your soaked panties.

“can you sit on my face?”

well you can’t say no to that.

“yeah uhh,” your voice comes out squeaky, so you clear your throat before continuing. “yes, i can.”

minho moves before you do. he assumes his previous position of lying on his back on the floor, his eyes boring into yours as if he’s daring you to climb further up his body. you gulp before pulling your panties off in a timid fashion, the fabric clinging to your soaked cunt before you pull them down your thighs as toss them on top of your pants.

you slowly start to make your way up minho’s body, thankful when he grabs your hips and helps guide you so your legs are straddling his head, your dripping cunt on full display for him to marvel at. the familiar ache in your thighs returns when you spread your legs, your knees dragging across the floor as you sink lower and lower.

the sounds of blood rushing fills your ears as your head hangs between your shoulders, your arms supporting much of your body weight as you wait for minho to finally do something. shivers run down your spine as you feel his breath fan across your dripping core, and you look down just in time to see him dive into you.

somewhat of a mewl is drawn from you when minho drags his tongue through your slit at an agonisingly slow pace, stopping to place a chaste kiss on your clit before pulling away. you allow yourself to sink lower to the ground, the tip of minho’s nose bumping into your clit making you jolt slightly.

his tongue becomes more curious as he licks your slit a couple more times, making you moan aloud into the empty space of the practice room. minho soon directs his attention to your clit again, his teeth gently brushing against it before sucking it between his tainted lips.

“fuck minho!” a choked sob of his name escapes you as he feverishly sucks on your bundle of nerves with enthusiasm. it’s clear that his tongue doesn’t like to stay in one spot for too long, since he soon redirects his attention to your entrance. he sloppily makes out with your cunt for a moment before slipping his tongue inside of you, lapping up your juices like it’s sweet maple syrup.

your arms start to shake and turn to jelly as he fucks you with his tongue, gliding it in and out of your dripping hole with precision. the creases in your elbows give out and you resort to resting on your forearms, your legs still straining to hold yourself up.

you’re slightly worried that you’re somewhat suffocating minho with your thighs and your pussy, but your worries are washed away when his hands force you impossibly closer to his face. his blunt nails dig into the flesh of your thighs, undoubtedly leaving small crescent moon marks in your skin.

it’s sort of a weird compliment, but minho has a very strong tongue. a tongue that he’s pistoning in and out of you while his nose brushes against your clit, making your abdomen tighten as you feel your orgasm coming on.

your pussy is throbbing as minho continues his assault, his hands guiding you back and forth on his face. soon your hips take over as you grind into his mouth, wet sounds of sucking and squelching accompanying your high pitched moans.

it feels as if your nerves are on fire as you continue to ride minho’s face, two of his fingers swiftly relacing his tongue as he goes back to sucking on your clit with a new found ferocity. it’s like you’re a stick of dynamite and someone has just lit the detonating cord; all you can do is helplessly watch it burn until you explode.

minho can sense that you’re close to cumming through your verbal and non-verbal cues. the way your moans increase in pitch and frequency, the way the walls of your cunt flutter and spasm around his fingers.

all it takes to tip you over the edge is the coupled sensation of minho curling his fingers inside of you and his lips toying and sucking on your clit, making your release crash over you like a tsunami. at the peak of your orgasm it feels like you’re an astronaut stranded out in space, waiting for someone or something to bring you back to earth. all you can focus on right now are the continuous waves of pleasure that ripple through your body, slowly getting less and less intense as you start to calm down.

when you open your eyes you’re met with minho’s face, and it’s a sight to behold. his lips are red and swollen and covered in your juices, the makeup he had on his nose ad his chin completely rubbed off as his tongue darts past his lips to lick up your essence.

you force yourself up onto your hands again, arms feeling like jelly as you do so. feeling some restraint as you do so, you look down and notice that minho’s fingers, two of which are still wet and sticky, are grabbing onto the hem of your shirt.

you raise your arms up to allow minho to pull the garment off of you, the only piece of clothing covering you is your bra - which is removed immediately after.

it’s almost daunting the way minho rises to his knees and towers above you, his hands once again meeting your shoulders before guiding you backwards so you’re lying down. he wastes no time clambering on top of you, his hips resting on top of yours this time.

he’s careful to not rest all of his weight on you, his knees supporting the majority of it as he plants his hands on either side of your shoulders. you watch as he sucks his cheeks in, his tongue tracing the front of his teeth before opening his mouth and spitting directly onto your chest.

“your turn.”

your brows furrow at minho’s question - or rather command. so he clarifies: “spit.”

complying with his request, you crane your neck so you're looking down at your chest; a puddle of minho’s saliva pooling right on your sternum. sucking your cheeks in slightly, you pool all of the spit inside of your mouth onto your tongue before spitting it out right onto the centre of your chest.

goosebumps appear on your skin as minho starts to smear the mixture of your saliva across the valley of your tits. the silver rings adorning his fingers drag across your skin sending shivers down your spine.

deciding that your chest is now lubricated enough with a mixture of your spit, minho reaches down to the waistband of his sweatpants. in one easy tug the tie in the drawstring becomes undone, and he shifts his weight off of you so he can pull his pants and boxers off.

you allow your neck to relax, head making a slight thumping sound as you let it fall onto the floor. minho grunts quietly while trying to pull his pants off of his ankles, and you swallow the nervous lump in your throat. the beating of your heart reverberates off of your ribcage so strongly you’re sure the man on top of you can hear it.

pants and underwear now removed and thrown onto the floor, minho clambers back on top of your body. his muscular thighs rest against the sides of your torso, almost as if he’s caging you in. at this point minho’s fully hard, having had you just ride his face, but he still wraps his hand around his base to pump himself a few times. the tip of his cock is angry and red, a bead of precum threatening to drip onto the skin of your chest.

you take this as your sign to bring your hands up from where they were resting at your sides on the floor to your chest. the sheen layer of spit coating your chest sticks to the tips of your fingers as you push your tits together, holding them in that position while peering up at minho.

he wastes no time to slide his cock in between your tits, a soft groan escaping his lips as he does so. it’s a foreign feeling to you, but you like it - and it’s clear that minho does too; brows furrowed, neck tensed slightly as he gives himself a second to adjust to this new sensation.

soon after he regains his composure he begins to move, his slender fingers dragging up your arms before he rests his hands on top of yours. the skin of his palms is soft and slightly damp as he presses into the back of your hands, forcing your tits to hug his cock even tighter.

slick, wet noises fill the room as minho fucks your tits, the mixture of spit coating them allowing for him to do so with ease. “fuck y/n,” he groans, his voice raspy and some-what restrained as he sparks through clenched teeth. “feels fucking incredible.”

it’s evident in the way that minho moves his body that he’s a dancer; his hips roll into you with such fluidity and smoothness. if the act you weren’t performing wasn’t so vulgar you would marvel at his ability to isolate his movements so well.

he allows his head to hang forward as he picks up the pace of his thrusts. his abs flex every time he does so, and you can tell that he’s slowly inching closer towards his orgasm. his occasional moans and grunts become louder, deeper and much more frequent as his hips rut against your tits.

minho catches his bottom lip in between his teeth so as to keep himself from being too noisy; although it’s a bit too late now seeing as he was much louder only moments before. it’s evident in his movements that he’s about to cum - the veins of his neck protruding as beads of sweat drip down his temple.

his thrusts become much more sporadic as he continues to pump his dick between your breasts. all you can do is lie there in awe and watch the man on top of you frantically chase his orgasm. your hands are sweating and cramping as you continue to press your tits together as tightly as you can. sure it’s becoming somewhat uncomfortable, but you persevere.

minho finishes with a mix of a groan and a whimper, his hips spasming as he paints your collarbones and neck with his cum. the fabric of his t-shirt is clinging to his chest with sweat, and he shivers slightly while pulling his cock out from between your tits. his hands come off of yours and he slouches forward, breath fanning across your face and your now sticky chest and neck.

some kind of spark is evident in minho’s chocolate eyes as he stares at you underneath him, marvelling at the way he painted your skin with his milky white release. his eyes don’t leave yours as he moves his hand to where his essence stains your skin, dipping his index and middle finger into his cum before raising them up and pushing them past your lips.

you take his fingers into your mouth with eagerness, sucking slightly and wrapping your tongue around them before swallowing his seed. once minho feels your mouth slack against his digits, he retracts his hand and wipes your saliva on his shirt.

the sounds of sex and pleasure are replaced with that of the low hum from the heating system. minho rolls off of you and wipes the rest of his cum off of your collarbones with paper towel. the two of you get dressed in silence, backs turned towards each other.

“let me walk you home.”

in all honesty that was the last thing you were expecting him to say. you turn around and stare at him, the dim lighting above casting a warm glow on his shoulder and the back of his neck. he fiddles with the drawstrings on his sweatpants before looking up at you through his eyelashes.

“it’s fine minho i don’t live far away and-”

“y/n it’s the middle of the night and it’s freezing cold. i’ll walk you home.”

with some reluctance, you agree.

the chill of the night air shocks you momentarily as you step outside, holding the door open for minho who’s trailing a couple of feet behind you. it’s snowing ever so lightly, and you zip your coat up to your chin before you start walking.

for a few minutes no words are exchanged between the two of you. you’re sure minho is replaying the events that just occurred in his head just like you are, wondering what this means for the two of you.

a car alarm goes off in the distance, and minho sniffles quietly. you want to reach into his pocket and grab his hand, but you don’t.

“minho?”

he doesn’t look at you, but he raises one of his eyebrows in response, muttering a faint ‘hm?’ to get you to continue.

your brain knows what you want to say but you can’t get your mouth to articulate it. it feels like your tongue has been stung by a bee and your throat has turned to sand paper and you can’t get a single word out. in your peripherals you notice minho glance at you, so you force yourself to speak.

“what are we?”

he’s speechless for a second, and your heart pounds in your chest. gazing at his side profile, you admire his features. the tip of his nose is sharp and slightly upturned, his lower lashes graze his cheeks ever so slightly, and his lips are pursed as he thinks. you wonder what thoughts are churning in his pretty head.

“what do you want us to be?”

not fair. you asked him first so the ball would be in his court; and now he’s just thrown it back into yours.

you can see the entrance to your apartment building only a couple hundred feet away, so worst comes to worst you can make a beeline to the door and leave him standing out in the cold.

but you don’t. you continue to walk alongside him until you reach the entrance of your living quarters. salt crunches under your boots as you step onto the concrete stairs and turn around to face him. in a split second you decide that it’s now or never; you need to lay everything out on the table in case you regret it further down the road.

“i want you.”

your confession manifests in the form of a cloud, the cold air turning your words of desire into a puff of fog. it’s almost poetic the way the cloud of your breath washes over minho’s face. his eyes flutter shut for a split second before opening again and staring into yours. his pupils resemble the moon; wide, bright and full of life as he holds your stare, as if daring you to continue. so you do.

“i want to give myself to you. i want to be yours, i-i want you to make me yours.”

and now your heart is quite literally in his hands. with reluctance you realise that minho now has all of the power in this situation; although, to be fair, he’s held all the power since the first time you met him.

in this moment you bash yourself for ever finding attractiveness in his ability to hide his emotions. you’re eyes are frantic as you scan his face for any kind of hint at what’s going on inside of his head. but he remains as stoic as ever, lips held in a firm line as he stares back at you.

he’s in total control. you’re the flimsy sand castle on the beach, and he’s the tide that can so easily plough you over; crumble your resolve and leave you to wait for someone to build you back up again.

and, when he opens his mouth to speak, it feels as if the world has stopped.

“okay.”

and with that, he turns to leave. and you watch him do so.

you watch him trudge through the slush and puddles, boots colliding with the dark grey concrete every time he takes a step. he stops at a crosswalk a couple hundred metres away, waits for the light to turn green, and then he continues.

you watch him get further and further away from you; soon his legs blend into his hips, his arms blend into his torso, and he becomes a mass that could be any other person walking the street at this hour.

you watch him until he is but a mere spot in the distance. and then he turns a corner, and disappears.

you’re not sure how long you stay outside, standing on the concrete steps of the entrance to your apartment building. the prolonged electrical buzz and occasional flickering of the fluorescent light above you is the only thing keeping you tethered to reality. the wind picks up and makes an eerie howling sound as it blows through the now empty streets, the chill biting at the skin on your face.

tears roll down your frozen cheeks, and you turn around and head inside.

#i'll let you decide if its a happy or sad ending :)#stray kids smut #skz smut #lee minho smut #minho smut #skz fanfiction #lee minho x reader #skz x reader #skz imagines #skz blurbs #lee minho scenarios

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