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hello-yue-here · 3 years

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Yuetara, zukka, and maiko

yuetara

ship

1) its not one of my main ships. i dont rlly read fanfic for them but if i see a cute fanart of them ill enjoy it and i think i first started shipping it because of good fanarts for them.

2) i like yuetara because of how similar they are. theyre both women from the water tribe. they both understand the misogyny that they have faced. and they both said f sexism im gonna be a strong woman. i also love the tui and la parallel. moon spirit and ocean spirit parallel COME ON. YUE IS THE MOON. KATARA IS THE MOST POWERFUL WATERBENDER. THEY ARE THE OCEAN AND THE MOON. the push and pull they could give eachother. that dynamic ftw.

3) i guess if i didnt like something about this ship would be the fact that if i read a fic or see a fanart w yuetara then than means in that particular au i wont get any yuekka and yuekka is probably my second favorite ship. but then again if i get yuetara than i could get a plethora of other sokka ships to go with it so my sadness disappears in like two seconds. gosh shipping is hard sometimes until you remember ‘hey i have like fifty different universes in my head. all ur ships can coexist in ur brain olivia’ other than that i really see no downsides to this ship. maybe i wish it had more content. maybe if it had more content id ship it a lot more but its not one of the more popular ships so the content is kinda few n far between on my feed.

zukka:

SHIPPP

1) my boys. my babies. my loves. i watched this show for the first time when it came out on netflix and when it ended i really didnt ship anything other than kataang. i came onto tumblr to find fun atla content and one of the very first things i saw under the atla tag was zukka content. i was like oh? whats this? zukka? interesting... i was intrigued so i found a list of fic recs and i fell in love with the ship. the rest is history. its probably my number one ship because it was my very first ship here and im nostalgic

2) oh boy there is so much i like about this ship. i relate to a shit ton of characters in atla. but sokka and zuko may be the ones i relate to most. i relate to sokka because i tend to feel second best a lot to my friends. i try to stay positive but things rarely go the way i plan or hope for them too and while im happy for my friends and their achievements i oftentimes find myself thinking why cant that be me? and i see this a lot in sokka especially in sokkas master. i dont feel special a lot and idk seeing sokka feel the same way and then realizing he is special kinda helped me realize that im special too. on the flipside i relate to zuko because i have wild anger issues and difficulty dealing w my emotions a lot as well. i get broody and short tempered and insecure very often and i tend to push people away and i refuse to ask for help (the amount of teachers and adults and therapists who have told me its okay to ask for help ur not any weaker because of it is astounding. do i listen to them? .....im working on it.) and i saw a shit ton of this in zuko. book one and two zuko rarely asks for help as seen in the blue spirit and zuko alone and he pushes away uncle so many times and even when the gaang iffers to help him in i think its the chase he tells them to leave. when he finally has his redemption and joins the gaang and lets them kinda become a better person i was so happy. i want that for myself yk. seeing him finally win the agni kai and overcome his family that always told him he was nothing was such a win. my sister and i get along but when we were children we were very much like zuko and azula. it was extremely competitive all the time and there was so much toxicity and sibling drama to a concerning extent. we get along great now which im very happy about but yeah their sibling relationship hit a lil too on the nose for me. seeing as i relate to these character so much and want them ti be happy i want to live vicariously through them so seeing them together is amazing for me to project into them. i love projecting onto fictional characters and with them i can project onto BOTH so its a winwin. plus so many zukka fics are so well written and heartwarming and heartbreaking and emotional and fluffy anf UGH the talent here us astounding.

3) what do i not like about the ship? again the list is long. oops. mainly the toxic shippers. there are so many toxic zukka stans that sometimes make it hard for me to enjoy this ship but hey! thats what the block button is for:) i despise how often people infantilize zuko and completely ruin his character for the sake of making him a soft weak lil boy who needs protecting. thats just not zuko for me. and ive seen many many accounts even state that this kind of portrayal of zuko is rooted in racist stereotypes about asian men (now i am white so i personally have never experiences racism but i feel the need to bring that up because it is wrong and attention needs to be brought to it because a lot of poc fans have criticised this) and the same for sokka. some ppl rlly skew his character and make him a big strong brute and hypermasculine and once again poc fans have said that this take is rooted in racist stereotypes. again! these are just my opinions! this is my favorite ship! but i think its important to acknowledge some of the bad parts of our ships as well and be critical where criticism is needed :))

maiko

ship

1) I LOVE MAIKO. “i dont hate you” “i dont hate you too” BRUH. my little heart just burst into flames. im sorry guys but maiko is so cute. they hate everything except eachother. BRUH that is one of the cutest tropes. i shipped them the moment i saw them together onscreen and i was so happy when zukos face lit up in the finale when mai came back.

2) “i hate everything but i have a soft spot for you” TAKE MY MONEY I AM A SUCKER FOR THIS. they are so cute together. like zuko is rarely happy in a majority of atla but mai makes him happy and i- 🥺🥺 HE DESERVES IT. and mai is always so supportive of him. when hes stressing out about the war meeting she tries her best to comfort him. and zuko cares about her too. he may not be the best at showing it but oh my god hes TRYING HIS BEST. i think its a very accurate portrayal of teenage relationships because they arent perfect and they do fight but like,, every teenage relationship does that. and even after everything and how he left her in the fire nation she still had his back at boiling rock. she still risked her life against azula to save his butt.

3) the thing i hate about maiko isnt even about maiko. its about antis who think mai is toxic and that zuko deserves better. that has got to be the worst take ive ever heard. they had a fight in ember island. that is NORMAL. they are teenagers. they are not perfect. but underneath all the rough edges and things they need to work out they still care about eachother so freaking much. i genuinelt believe that neither of them would do anything to intentionally hurt the other and i think thats what matters the most. if anything mai is the best girlfriend in the entire world because zuko fucked up like,, quite a few times. he got rlly jealous and dumped her thru a letter and ppl always say that mai was toxic for being mad at him for those two things. umm she had every right to be mad at him for both of those. and while zuko is allowed to feel his emotions and be angry sometimes as well sometimes he needs to think things thru and realize that hey maybe some if this jealousy is unfounded. BUT EVEN THEN. HE RESPECTED HER FEELINGS AND DIDNT TOUCH HER WHEN SHE SAID DONT TOUCH ME. HE RESPECTED HER. so i hate toxic maiko takes because they are literally so wrong in my opinion.

again all of these are just my opinions!! feel free to agree or disagree but please be respectful!! i will respect whatever u think as well because this is all just for fun :)

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zukka #yuetara #maiko #ship game #ask game #long post #wow i wrote a lot #also if anyone wants to talk ships feel free to message me!

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skeetlehand · 3 years

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ghost!tommy au masterpost #2

ghost tommy au masterpost part one

I made another one. w hhh

au summary: tommy loses his final canon life during the explosion right after the pogtopia vs. manberg war

Nobody really knew where he’d gone either - Tommy had allegedly gone “missing” after the festival. In L’manberg, everyone figured that while it was odd, since tommy would usually be running down the Prime path shouting, or just being generally loud and annoying... he was just... missing. Nobody had seen him all week, but everyone had thought they were the singular individual who hadn’t seen him lately. Eventually when one of them asked where he’d been, everyone came to the consensus that they weren’t the only ones who hadn’t seen him. At first, they thought he was just grieving, since he spent the most time with wilbur. But then ghostbur shows up, which, while was a pretty sad/happy moment, it raised some sort of unease....

.... and then, ghost tommy shows up.

I put more details under the cut!!! enjoy pain yall

feel free to send asks about... well, anything! if you found something interesting here, share it! if you’ve got a completely unrelated idea, share it! i like to read your asks. I promise i’ll answer... eventually... (the five asks in my inbox @ me: 👀)

courtesy of @gheysnakelady and their great ideas 👀❤️(you have so many good ones!!!)

current table of contents:

ghost tommy’s appearance

relationships with the rest of the sbi

ghost tommy’s memories

other ghost tommy stuff (misc i guess)

a) presence

b) connections

c) blue/yellow

d) body found

”””pranks”””

dreamon hunters...? (become basically bootleg ghostbusters. but just only one of them.)

TBC: to be touched upon in the next masterpost/page set

relationships with the rest of the smp

a) SAM SAM SAM BIG BROTHER SAM AAA; b) the cabinet + lmanberg... hhh tubbo n big q,,, fundy and niki,,, dream,, the badlands... i need ideAS

reactions to the reveal (at some point... big oof)

.... a revival? phil no -

1. Ghost!Tommy’s Appearance

(should... should I be calling him ghostinnit now? yall use that term a whole lot...)

before he meets anyone (excluding ghostbur and maybe philza. some others might’ve seen him lingering around certain places, faintly), he looked simultaneously exactly as he did before he died, overlaid by his prior deaths (an sword/axe(?) to the back when trying to escape dream during eret’s betrayal, an arrow wound that goes in deep, and currently, visible blast marks and the wither effect). He hadn’t figured out what he looked like yet, other than the noticeable vision problems, but when he did, he did his best to change his form (it’s my current theory that ghosts look like what they want to look like - ie. ghostbur’s nice yellow sweater being a choice on his end). It’s an effort, to look “okay”, and when he goes off the rails, there are hints to what he looks like.

it’s mostly because... Tommy remembers his death vicariously. All of them. This is not a good thing.

when he does meet people, his form is slightly transparent, but he looks almost normal. there’s that new hairstyle, which really isn’t a stylistic choice on my end ;’] ... there is a lot of sooty(?) grey patches on his sleeves, and a large black mark smack dab in the middle his shirt. The wither markings on his hands aren’t clear, but that they are there is visible. He hates the wither effects the most - no matter what he does, how hard he concentrates, they. don’t. go. away.

He’s got hair over his eye, like wilbur. Gets uncomfortable when it’s joked about, because that’s a part of his face that’s.... yknow.... and he can’t hide it otherwise

Since ghost!tommy is more emotionally gripped than ghostbur is, unable to let go of the past and all the memories + emotions from it (while ghostbur lets go of it Very Easily), his form shifts a lot. Not only to his “death form” (all of his canon deaths on one ‘current’ form), but to that of the different arcs - dirty long sleeves for pogtopia (it’s cold in the ravines, and he don’t got a coat), ripped revolutionary outfit (eret’s betrayal and the arrow both happened here)... and during his more mellower moments, a green bandana that goes around the neck. He’s constantly changing in clarity, too. It’s hard to focus on him at times.

2. Relationships with the SBI found family gang: pain

did you really think we could have nice things in this au? if so... ouch

Phil

tommy did see him sort of as a dad/some sort of older figure to come to for help. but phil has a history of not exactly being a Dad. sure, he basically adopted techno, and wilbur definitely saw him as a dad, but for tommy, it’s an unspoken relationship that they should be like that, that phil should have his back, that tommy can ask phil for help. yet, they don’t. Phil showed up way too late in the game to make an effort on all of the impacts the wars and pogtopia and wilbur have created, and maybe tommy resents him a little, for leaving him and his brothers alone on the server. maybe tommy saw wilbur die by philza’s hands, moments before he did the same point is, tommy was never a “difficult child” persay, he made all of his complaints loud and clear. philza didn’t expect to do any “underneath the underneath” with him... and didn’t feel like tommy needed the attention all that much, since he could basically occupy himself.

Think of it like this, at least in my au, that phil was never meant to be a dad. He just chose to be some sort of strong figure in the boys’ lives (found family!!!!) - but he was a survivor first and foremost, and sometimes it shows. His habits rubbed off on his boys, and that shows too - him avoiding talking about Big Things with ghost tommy is reminiscent of how ghostbur dances around questions, and being pressured into doing things is reminiscent of techno.

Tommy, on the other hand, felt as if phil always favored techno, and if not techno, then wilbur, over him. it’s okay though! he doesn’t need phil, he’s a Big Man™! Look at him... dealing with... a war... exile... funky brother problems... more war... okay maybe if phil showed up sooner things would’ve been better but he didn’t so tommy had to be the bigger man! that’s... that’s okay...? hmm. okay maybe he’s mad at phil a little bit,,,,

techno

ahh, complicated relationships *rubs hands*.

tommy was proud of his brother, at first, the way only little brothers can be, bragging about their cooler bigger bro - that, and tommy lowkey thought there’d be someone to help him with wilbur’s decline. haha NOPE. techno don’t do emotional. thanks,,,,,

on the other hand, all ghost tommy can remember is techno being the unspoken favorite, the favorite child, the favorite brother, teasing and feelings of inadequacy (techno wasn’t a bad brother, though... just... better). And then…he remembers techno showing up well into wilbur’s long decline, techno’s silence when he could’ve used someone to speak up for him, techno’s passiveness towards the paranoia, techno’s stoicism when all tommy wanted was someone to be strong, someone else to be the better man. instead, the job was left to him. why was it always left to him? he wasn’t supposed to do all of this, right?

Techno doesn’t feel all too bad about it, before tommy’s death is discovered. He thinks that the impact of the statement was made through humiliation and violence enough (tommy being pinned down, the hero speech, the ruined victory, etc). What did tommy expect, using the Blade like that? honestly, techno’s a little offended, that tommy thought he could use his brother that easily, like some weapon made of more skill than any of them know what to do with. Techno had made his opinions very clear on government, and then they go on to appoint another one? (even though, it was sort of clear that the goal was to “go back” to the old lmanberg, government and all) so tommy kinda had it coming. besides, he’d respawn and they’d go back to normal.

but then wilbur dies, permanently, and techno has to watch his brother come undone into something else barely reminiscent of what he was momnents ago... ghostbur barely even resembles the wilbur techno used to remember. death matters, on this server, which is two blows in themselves that techno will have to deal with. and then... tommy doesn’t respawn.

techno was sure he’d seen tommy around lmanberg. albeit, like, kinda quiet, but maybe the kid was going through rough times since wilbur died. it wasn’t like techno was going to talk to him about it or anything, since his presence probably wouldn’t be welcomed anyway. tommy was kind of immature, in that regard - he’d be really annoying and yell, like he always did when something didn’t go his way. that, and he wasn’t exactly welcome in lmanberg anymore...

besides, if tommy had a problem, he’d make it clear himself, right?

wilbur/ghostbur

There’s a lot tommy isn’t willing to talk, about wilbur. What could he even say? more than half of the things he did, challenges he stepped up to, were to make Wilbur proud (as he remembered him). He hated losing, because he liked winning more, sure, but also because he wanted to make wilbur proud of him. See: the bow duel, giving up his disc for freedom.

but pogtopia wilbur, well... things only got worse. sometimes, things looked a little better, but over time, tommy learned to expect what came after. even with techno there, tommy was always left to be the “bigger man” - in the aftermath of the festival, the pit, the final pet war - no matter how much he lost, it was always him having to move forward from that point. nobody really helped. it was just tommy and wilbur, and the sound of silence in the ravine.

tommy saw the final explosion of lmanberg as both the ultimate betrayal (the worst thing wilbur could’ve done, couldn’t he have waited, phil was here, surely phil couldve done what tommy spent months trying to do, what techno wouldn’t do, why couldn’t wilbur have this?) but at the same time, he... figured wilbur would pull sometime like this. at this point, the victory might’ve lightened his spirits a whole lot, but he spent months with wilbur alone and in the course of the preparatory week, wilbur didn’t miraculously get better. tommy wishes he did, and he can wish all he wants, but deep down, he knows that he didn’t. the others might’ve not noticed, since they weren’t there for that long.

as for ghostbur, it’s... awkward.

With ghostbur, he’s stuck between wanting to reach out to his big brother and stay away due to alivebur’s memory living in constant loop in his head. Sad as it is to say, he was sort of… relieved, when ghostbur revealed the extent of his memory loss. after that point.. if ghostbur remembers all the happy bits of their time on the server, surely he could help fill in the gaps?

Ghostbur was kind of the first person he saw when he resurfaced, and ghostbur then couldn’t really understand the gravity of the situation, nor who tommy was because of how he acted and looked before. tommy didn’t approach him either, mostly out of fear and anticipation. (he couldn’t imagine this of all things, being stuck with wilbur for all of his undying days, hadn’t he had enough?)

At first, it’s awkward. He doesn’t know what to say, or when to say things, and he’s a lot quieter than in life, so it’s noticeable. He meets Ghostbur, who greets him with joy, until he realizes that Tommy is dead. Memories of the manberg v pogtopia war arise, and he flees. He does not come back, because looking at Tommy hurts. tommy doesn’t get it, really... but.....

and every moment after that, the way ghostbur looks at him, with the guilt in his eyes, the way that he looks away, unable to bear looking anymore… well, tommy is starting to think ghostbur remembers a lot more than what he’s willing to let on (he’s afraid he is). If wilbur doesn’t like him, that’s not… that’s nothing new, anyway. it’s probably one of the few things that didn’t change.

3. Ghost Tommy’s Memories

Going by the HC that they’re caused by how you feel when you die. ie. Wilbur dies happy because he is relieved by Phil stabbing him. That he can rest, while Tommy gets the opposite. Wanting to live but having it so cruelly taken by a loved one that you trusted, only feeling pain and betrayal and the feelings when they had while dying is the reason why they only hold certain memories.

Basically: like Wilbur, only remembers memories associated with a type of feeling. However, unlike Wilbur, Tommy only remembers the bad things.

Ghostbur suggested to phil, who in turn, suggested to tommy that he recorded his memories in a book, like he did! thus, tommy’s “What I remember” book: which is full of stuff he just wants to remember

Dream Good Times (this is just a lie, haha... but refers to the time (read: blank space) before the first disk war)

jokes! (when you make fun of someone, even in good jest, it’s possible they won’t take it that way themselves.)

My home (because it’s been griefed and destroyed so many times at this point)

The disks (not what they sound like though, just that they were apparently important, that he fought for them. he can’t remember what they sound like)

My pets (pet wars. can’t remember whose pet was whose. he remembers mars, though. he talked to mars a lot, on days that pogtopia was quiet... empty...)

the duel

Winning the war (trading the disks for freedom)

L’manberg (manberg)

… Tubbo (? ...dying at the festival.)

Techno & Wilbur (and phil, and what they did to him, and what they didn’t do.)

pogtopia hanging out with friends (there was nothing good about pogtopia, so he crossed it off and wrote the most blandest happy thing he could replace it with. he wishes pogtopia was just that)

the pit

winning the war (the victory, the explosion his death. if you ask why he wrote it twice, he just.. hesitates. “we won, right?” you might nod along, assuming his memory was just being faulty, that all he could remember were the two victories, that like wilbur, nothing beyond the election/exile registered... but you could also note that neither of those “victories” really felt like winning, in the end. consider the cost...)

i have a secret second list for his “actual memories”. i call it “the list of grievances”. i am so clever haha

4. other ghost tommy stuff

since ghostbur had to go and add some stuff to ghost Lore™, i guess ghost tommy now melts in the rain and snow. not that he really... cares...

other things! these are ideas, idk...

1. presence

maybe whenever he gets near someone, the temperature drops and people feel overwhelmingly negative emotions (ie. sadness, pain, anger, guilt, etc). the intensity of the sadness effect depends on the person or if the person is near - the more that person had done, the more they felt.

Wilbur just feels like melancholy. nobody really notices, since it’s .... well.

2. connections to things?

maybe he’ll be found at certain locations, like his house/jukebox, the election podium, pogtopia, etc, etc... just, ghosting...

4. maybe he’s not actually dead

3. have some blue .... or yellow

either:

a) ghostbur gives tommy some blue to hand out, trying to be nicer to him anyway, like “give people this, it makes people happier if you give them something to drain the sadness”!! but when tommy tries to hand it out, it’s already fully blue. If asked if it was supposed to be transparent, or why it’s already blue, or etc, he responds with “no it's always been blue for me!” because when he’s given it, it turns blue instantly. maybe he seems little sad it doesn’t work on him, but it must be because he’s a ghost, right?

b) maybe he makes yellow that gives people happiness (it turns transparent as it’s used), but when he holds it it stays yellow.... because really all it does is draw up previous feelings of contentment, but... can't feel happy if you've never felt it before :’]

4. his body discovery

his body can be found where it was last... left. since he didn’t respawn.

They find him while cleaning up the rest of the rubble. and it's evident how he died, because there are wither marks, explosion burns, and... a final injury that must’ve been the killing blow, since there’s no way he would’ve survived that. it's evident he suffered, but not from the killing blow. his face has that... expression. he looks as miserable as his ghost does, at times (contrary to wilbur's exact opposite). maybe techno is there. they're not sure if tommy just got caught in the crossfire. they think he did, because he was buried under all of this. who would have ... intentionally done this to him...? while he was trapped?

maybe techno approaches to see what everyone looks so wicked out by. and he sees his brother or more like, what was left of his brother. oof.

5. Pranks: completely out of chronological order i guess... BUT I WANTED TO INCLUDE IT AAA

tommy isn’t... peaceful. he’s not at peace. he’s surrounded by the people who he can remember taunting him, hurting him, betraying him, all he can remember feeling is anger, grief and resentment - how long do you think he’ll play nice for? even though he wants things to go back to normal, either he feels like he’s much too dead for anything to ever be the same, and/or everyone ... moved on pretty quick, huh.

tommy begins to prank the server, like he used to. but there’s a pattern to it, and it quickly devolves from seemingly light-hearted to borderline malicious and definitely inconveniencing/annoying.

ghost tommy filling dream's current base/go-to-residency (since this man canonically homeless) with clay... and then, later, other blocks, like tnt, obsidian...

he sets up multiple jukeboxes when dream goes to sleep and have them all play cat/melohi at different intervals at once, kind of like. "you wanted this so bad, now eat it”.

misplace sapnap's current pets (if he has any). fill sapnap's house with horses, cows all named "h" names, and eventually turn it into an elaborate aquarium filled with tropical fish.

George’s house gets scrambled: like the blocks all get swapped and stuff, or replaced with lime wool/clay. maybe fill his house with alarm clocks or something? idk

He's hesitant about techno... so one of his earlier steps is: collaborate with sam with the horse maze (who sees it as a bonding activity! fun for the whole family!), but in the books, on the last page of all the books, he writes notes like "you know what you did" and stuff idk, i gotta come up with 8 of those. at the end, skeppy brings back the books and the hornse and techno's like haha i didn't write those books! and skeppy says, that makes sense! why would your write this... (he assumes the first few are threats, but then they reference techno in diff ways, so he gets confused), and then techno's like: wait what

maybe he probably releases all the horses n cows and other things techno’s got. or relocates them (cause he still cares about animals, he doesn't want to hurt them... he's not sapnap after all)

at first it's funny, normal. then it's annoying. and then it becomes worrying. it elevates in destructive tendencies, and also escalates in amount so people start going "tommy this is so annoying"-> exactly the reaction he wants, so he continues -> "this isn't funny anymore, tommy!" well, it never was supposed to be :)

....and they realize suddenly that none of it was meant to be a "prank" or a joke, tommy genuinely was trying to make their lives as hard as they did him.

ALSO EDIT: i bring you: dreamon hunters! part two! tubbo n fundy fight over what to do with ghost tommy, as tubbo doesn't think there's anything wrong with tommy (it’s his best friend, of course nothing’s wrong!), while fundy thinks he's a malicious poltergeist (with all the pranks.... that’s... that’s not tommy. tommy isn’t that spiteful... is he? )

#dream smp #dream smp au #ghost!tommy au #ghost!tommy au masterpost #2/?#warning: this is a LOOOOONG post #h #tw death #tw death mention

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writeraquamarinara · 3 years

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as with everything else in life, I’m late to making this post. I tend to make one around Jan 1st every year, but it’s now a few days after that, and all i can say for myself is that time is non-consequential during a pandemic, right? right.

anywho, this is my usual “thank you for keeping me going this year” post, but with even more fervor. 2020 would not have been nearly as tolerable without you all in it. and when i say all i really do mean all. thank you to anyone who follows me here or has read and supported my work on AO3 or has sent me a message or an ask or even just likes my posts. you can never know how many people’s hearts you’ve touched, lives you’ve made better, but i’m telling you now: you made me smile and laugh and feel love in a year that could have easily stolen all that. thank you for sticking around.

a few more specific shoutouts are under the cut to keep from flooding your dashes. i hope you’re all having a wonderful start to the new year.

much love, mari

to @anniemurphys: ria, i cannot thank you enough, for so many things. you played such a vital role in turning this year around for me. your friendship, and the friendships you’ve helped me make through book club, kept me smiling from week to week. i never wanted to leave our meetings, no matter how long they’d already gone. I could listen to your literary analyses and life advice for days on end. you’re such a kind, patient, loving person, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. here’s to another year of freaking out over taylor swift albums and the power inherent in voluntarily turning oneself into vegetation.

to @bigdsgirl: heidi, you’re one of the sweetest, most hard-working people i know. you amaze me, and you graciously humor my latest hyper fixations—somehow always knowing, always reblogging content related to what i’m obsessing over at the moment. you give such great advice and have such a calming presence that i love being in chats and on calls with you. i cannot wait for more zoom movie nights in 2021.

to @hellodinoflower: raptor, you’ve supported me for so many years now, and whenever i feel down about my writing i’ll go back through the comments on some of my old fics and yours always make me tear up. you’re so thoughtful and kind and excited about my work that i cannot help but be the same. i hope you enjoyed the little dino reference in pride & publishing—i tried my best, i really did—and i hope you’re doing well. sending you so much love.

to @soyforramen: soy, i promise i’ll get to your head canon asks some day. i promise i haven’t forgotten them; i’m just uncreative and uninspired, but what else is new. you, however, are brilliant and kind and thoughtful, and your guidance in making both life and fic-writing decisions has been so important to me this year. wishing you so much luck with school this year, and even more happiness.

to @ithoughtyoulikedmereckless: rach, where to even begin? you’re the person i talk to when i’m feeling happy or sad or annoyed or angry or pretty much anything, really. our FaceTime convos are my favourite, no matter what time of day we have them at (somehow, the ones at 10pm are just as crazy as the ones at 3am, and i don’t really understand how or why, but i love that for us). i’ve learned so much about myself through my conversations with you, and you keep me level headed when i start doubting myself too much. you understand me on such an amazing level and i’m so lucky that you reached out to me so many years ago. i’m so lucky that we just happened to find each other on here and just so happened to move near each other this year. i still cannot believe i get to see you in person and go on walks in the woods with you. you’re such a talented photographer, writer, painter, baker, and all around artist; an incredibly kind and funny person; and i aspire to be you. i’m rambling now, but just know that i love you.

to @catthecoder: lav, my light, my love. seeing your icon and username on my dash makes me smile so hard. you just give off the best vibes and chatting with you always leaves me feeling like i’ve been basking in the sunlight for the past few hours. we need to make a resolution to sprint with each other more often this year, even if 2021 is going to be as hectic as ever, as i find so much joy in reading your snippets as we go along. you’re such a wonderful writer, and i often read your gift to me from years ago for inspiration and comfort. i hope you’re doing well and am sending so much love.

to @stirringsofconsciousness: stirrings!! i know you’ve had a super busy year, but you still made time to chat with me and i’ll be forever grateful. i often think about the advice you’ve left for me and the thoughtful responses you’ve given to my personal posts and find so much inspiration in your own words and actions. i also still cannot get over the time when you sent me a post of artful vases because you thought of me when you saw them. mortifying ordeal of being known who? anyways lol, i just wanted to thank you for being in my life and wish you a happy 2021.

to @heavy-lies-the-crown: alex, i just wanted to thank you for putting your time and energy towards answering my incessant questions this year. you’ve been an inspiration to me as a writer ever since i first found your work, but you’re also an inspiration to me as a person, and i’m always thinking about the advice you’ve given me. i hope you had a wonderful end to 2020, and that 2021 brings you even more joy than seeing your posts on my dash brings me. much love.

to @stonerbughead: maria, you brought so much happiness to my 2020. your support for my work took my breath away every time, and I swear I nearly cried when I saw your latest comments on pride and publishing. you put so much time and energy into this fandom, and into supporting the people in it, and I hope you know that it doesn’t go unnoticed. we all love you, and we’re so lucky to have you; your fics are brilliant, your podcast highlights are a joy to read, and your disdain for ras is hilarious. thank you for being you. sending lots of love.

to @sullypants: sully, it’s been years and i still marvel at how lucky i am to know you. you’ve taught me so much, from how to be more thoughtful to how to navigate therapy and self-love to how to be a kinder person in the world. you introduced me to ask polly and you send me really nice asks and you’re one of like four people who interacts with my posts on a consistent basis, which makes me feel a little less alone in the world, if that makes any sense. i’m going to stop myself from rambling on or else i might cry, but i just wanted to thank you for—here comes the cliche—changing my life (doesn’t everyone we meet change our lives, in some way or another? but you’ve changed mine considerably, and for the better). sending you so much love (in the form of both yellow and blue heart emojis)

to @justcourbeau: mel, our paths cross less frequently now than they used to, but that doesn’t mean i don’t think about you and the conversations we’ve had, or smile when i come across your posts on my dash, or when i happen to open up instagram once in a blue moon and see you’ve posted on your story. please never stop sending me sparknotes memes—especially cask of amontillado ones. your words of advice from the night i called you, distraught, a few years ago live in my brain rent free, and i will continue to carry them into 2021 with me. i hope 2021 treats you well, and that you achieve all you want and more. sending you an immense amount of love.

to @protectorofthesmoll: your string of comments on pride and publishing made me cry multiple times, i swear. i still read them back every so often, when i’m trying to muster the courage to start up on the new chapter. your support means so much to me, and it amazes me how far back it goes: I’m pretty sure I have at least two asks of yours sitting in my inbox, from back in 2018 when I had barely any followers or supporters, both of them writing prompts that I never filled. i promise i’ll get to them one day. anywho, i just wanted to thank you for your support this year, and every year before that. wishing you so much love and happiness in 2021.

to @panalegs27: 2020 was the year of figuring out that we have so much in common: a hatred of dating apps, confusion over tumblr’s obsession with the raven cycle, and an attraction to logan lerman with gray hair. thank you for chatting about all of these things, and more, with me; seeing that you’ve sent me a post always makes me smile, and our conversations make me laugh. wishing you even more love and laughter in 2021.

to @indiebughead: maria, it’s been so lovely getting to know you more over the course of this year. i love listening to your stories and living vicariously through you, lol. (i want updates on new neighbor boy, asap!) thank you for listening to my petty rants and for encouraging me to make bad decisions and be salty on main when i want to be. i couldn’t have asked for a more supportive conspirer ;) sending lots of love.

to @redundantoxymorons: iz, you’re one of the smartest, most eloquent, most supportive people i know. i know 2021 will be both stressful and exciting in many ways, and i wish you all the best. i know you’re going to thrive wherever you end up, and i’ll cheer you on as you navigate this new world, just as you’ve done for me all these years. i’m so lucky to have you as a friend, supporter, and beta, and all of our conversations bring me so much joy. pls continue to gush about taylor swift and rec books and send uquizzes with results that make me feel Known in 2021. i love you very much <3

to @cracklr: leda, i’ve missed your passive aggressive smiley faces, but your gushing insta comment more than made up for that, i promise :) sending you so much love and happiness in this new year <3

to @dottie-wan-kenobi: dottie, the posts we send each other make me so upset, but in a good way—the “if i just had to see this nasty shit then so do you” kind of way—and i love that about our relationship. who else would understand how disgustingly hilarious something is other than my wife? no one, that’s who. i often think about how you were the first friend i made in fandom, and i’ll be forever grateful for that: i couldn’t have found a better person. i love you so much, and am sending you all my love.

this list of shoutouts is really much shorter than it should be, but my brain is currently friend and i cannot seem to think properly anymore. therefore, i’m going to call it a day and reiterate my above statements that I love you all, and I hope you have a fucking amazing 2021.

#i can't find my 2019 one of these so i've decided i need to start tagging them with something so i can read them back #so for posterity:#end of the year appresh #anywho #none of this is edited or read over #so if it's embarrassingly cheesy or there are typos... welp

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riverdale-retread · 3 years

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Riverdale S3 E15 ( Many Spoilers!)

- We are now in the full swing of the Gladys Jones Cycle on Riverdale, which I found extremely absorbing during my initial run and just as engrossing this time. Gladys is such a dynamic person, who makes things happen, good and bad. The way Jughead and his mother understand each other through and through and yet use that knowledge only to hurt and harm each other is haunting. In contrast, FP lives vicariously through Jughead and is too overwhelmed being himself to actually understand his son.

Gina Gershon used to be hyped as having the Sexiest Mouth in Showbiz and I think she still does. Her line deliveries are top notch. I loved her snapping out, Keep yer arm candy off ma damn property! at Veronica. Classic.

Gladys & FP & Jughead Jones

First up! Gladys buys the Cooper Residence, and Jughead’s first thought is I GET TO LIVE WITH BETTY. Betty however is a sensible girl, and she and Gladys really, really don’t like each other, so she has qualms. Both FP and Jughead being afraid of Alice and Betty (both at the same time) and disclaiming the act of buying the house - even though Alice is the one who put it up for sale! - was bitterly amusing. That Alice Smith always knows the fastest way to make things the absolute worst for herself.

The one Mama Role that Gladys takes very seriously is the role of Food Provider. I can see her taking great pride in being a good cook, in knowing people’s favorite foods. And this also explains why Jughead has such a fixation on food. The sole unambiguous way his mom loved him was through food.

As a result, Jughead looks so well rested in the initial moments of this episode, when he’s waiting for the other shoe to inevitably drop but he’s taking his joy where he can.

And yet! Jughead intuition just knows that Gladys is lying, but he has learned to be wary of his mother, so he’s carefully keeping alert. This is very different from the infinite sadness and pity he had for FP during his alcoholic days.

Jughead looking so like a happy little kid when FP says is proudest of Jughead above anything else in his life, just pleased as punch, was very moving. This is one of the (many) fantastic things about Jughead. He’s very open hearted. When he’s pleased and happy, he just leans into being pleased and happy. He doesn’t have an ironic distance from his own emotions.

I had my doubts that Gladys & FP had actually been married, but apparently they registered with the state and everything. Fine. However, FP answering the question Alice poses - do you love her? - with “She’s the mother of my children” when this is true of Alice is what sends Alice fully around the bend. I also get the sense that FP just made a whole lotta babies in his day. Is that just me?

Gladys wears a LOT of rings and it’s after this that Jughead starts to wear rings, I think.

The Gladys v Jughead confrontation. They’re strangely united in their love for FP, and fear for his alcoholic relapse. It’s revealing that it’s FP that wanted to move to the middle class, and programmed Jughead to aspire to that. Gladys just was sick of being poor. She definitely doesn’t want some bougie smug girl like Betty being with her son. Gladys can’t stand Betty, doesn’t talk to her, doesn’t touch her, doesn’t look at her. I find this hilarious.

The birthday party for FP is the last hurrah before it all goes to shit. FP Jughead chemistry is still unbeatable. Jughead is the kind of boy who will write a whole love letter to his own father and then read it out in front of everyone they’ve ever known. The best most wonderful son in Riverdale. Jughead took such a hard road to get here, and he wants it just to be right, but Gladys is there, fucking it up. And he’s taking a page from Betty’s book to lie so he can have this moment. Oh but the SHOOTING DAGGERS at Gladys, and the way her face falls. Gladys and Jughead can never have the nice things.

Sidenote: Fred happy about FP being neighbors with him was so sweet, by the way.

-Choni sort of break up.

I love Cheryl’s red roses coverlet, but her hissy fit about the abortive trip to Quebec is still toxic. Cheryl’s rage at Toni having a good time at her bouncer job is also weird. I will say, the red dress that Cheryl wears to the gambling night is KILLER. And the stabby earring is very aspirational. What a looker Cheryl is.

Cheryl’s ravening need to consume people she loves is something she hasn’t grown out of by S5 and this upsets me. And in her all or nothing way, if she can’t control you down to your last drop, she wants none of you! Choni get that love scene in La Bonne Nuit but I am unmoved because athletic sex between established couples is boring.

- Nana Rose being tickled clean through that Toni Topaz paid her rent made me cackle aloud.

- I Wanna Matter, Ronnie!

Veronica uses and abuses Reggie in a way that is really shocking. I’m surprised that Reggie is ever willing to talk to Veronica again after the Time Jump, given how dirty she did him in this episode. And honestly, given the brutality that she coldly unleashes on Reggie here, Veronica deserves to be tricked and blackmailed by her POS husband in S5. Team Reggie, here.

Reggie wants to be partners, has been acting like more than a partner, taking huge risks and busting his ass, and Veronica tries to pay him off like a hired hand. Reggie pours out some amazing cries from the heart here, and gets stabbed right in the face by Veronica until he can’t take any more. “I gave you everything! Veronica!!” - Oh Reggie Honey!!

Or this one:

“Would we even be dating if not for the speakeasy?” Reggie asks, and without missing a beat V replies, “PROBABLY NOT.”

He mentions how he laid down his most prize possession, his car, for her, and Veronica’s reaction is to go buy the car back and say Take it the fuck back then, bye bye. This is positively indecent in its brutality.

Though of course, like I said, Big Bruiser + Smart Fancy Alpha Girl is very hot to me, so I very much enjoyed this romantic torture.

But why oh why won’t Veronica give Reggie a fair chance? Archie has fully fuckin’ moved on and I don’t know why Veronica has to pine this much for him other than maybe this is some sort of Protagonist Boy overexposure poisoning.

-Sour Bughead Notes:

-Veronica treating Bughead as being both fragile and valuable is interesting. She checks in with Betty about how things are with Jughead now that the Jones are moving on up, and only when Betty says they’re great enough that Jughead wanted to enter into cohabitation does she drop the bomb about Gladys being the new drug distributor. Veronica is being vicious to Reggie but she will treat Bughead as being holy.

- Jughead has really vivid memories of elementary school and hanging out with Betty and Archie and Betty HAS NO MEMORIES of this. Why and how did she just straight up forget Jughead? She doesn’t remember playing in the snow, she also didn’t remember if they actually had that leech incident at the swimming hole or if it was a movie. If Jughead was the kind of small minded bitch I am (ahem) he’d take it more personally, but my boy does not sweat the small stuff.

- Archie Trying to Finish the G&G Game

-It was amusing that after Jughead hatches a plan to save Archie, Barchie have no idea what the heck he means until Jughead spells it out bit by bit. But it’s a really bad plan, no? 3 minutes per (this is a very long time), take all comers, in a row, knowing there will be 10 of them, is so dumb. Why not make them fight each other for the last one standing to have a right to fight the Red Paladin? (I am smarter than all three of these kids, and I can die happy).

- I think Jughead realizes how dumb his plan is when the full grown adult enters as the last player, which is why his voice cracks when he announces The Kraken.

- I am all for Archie Action scenes. Boy can really move. That kid is a star! is possibly the only truthful statement the deceased Warden Norton ever made in his life.

- By the way, Hiram has acquired an entire city block and because it’s Archie trying to find a spot to do his Fight the World mission, this very key development completely goes undetected because Archie is really stupid and can’t keep two thoughts in his very handsome head at the same time. Archie also back to calling Hiram, ‘Mr Lodge’ and it irks me no end, but I guess his politeness leads to Hiram giving him the gym. Deeds and title and ownership - when it’s mentioned in Riverdale it’s annoying (a la Pops/ La Bonne Nuit) and when it’s not mentioned (like with the gym) it’s confusing.

#justice for reggie #why am i this person who keeps criticizing the riverdale girls #why did they make veronica a user #jughead jones #gladys jones #reggie x veronica #cheryl x toni #archie andrews #riverdale #riverdale recap #riverdale episode recap

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tcm · 4 years

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I Could Have Danced...Danced...Danced All Night By Theresa Brown

No one can show sensual longing or manic desperation like Jennifer Jones. It’s all on full display in Vincente Minnelli’s MADAME BOVARY (‘49). For my money, Jones is one of the most underrated actresses of the classic era. Now, if you listen to the film’s trailer, the narrator will describe her as:

“Emma Bovary, this corrupt, loathsome, contemptible creature...this woman of insatiable passions...this monstrous creation of a degenerate imagination.”

That’s a bit rich. I’m not trying to sugarcoat anything, but I’ve got to go the “glass half-empty / glass half-full” route with Emma. I disagree with what the narrator describes; I think she is a fascinating example of the lengths a woman will go for happiness in mid-19th century France, where all cobble-stoned streets are paved with roadblocks for women with few avenues for success laid out unless through a man. I think all women can relate to Emma, especially the women in the time period this MGM film is released. It’s 1949 and men have been coming back for their jobs after the war and Rosie the Riveter has to go back into the kitchen to bake cakes.

Emma’s lot in life as a peasant’s daughter offers no advancement in class and society, though she is “cruelly” blessed with uncommon beauty. (Jennifer Jones is absolutely beautiful!) Being fed romance novels and poetry in the convent, nothing is preparing her to make a living. Seeds of an unrealistic view of life are planted. When she’s back home, she’s like an 1850’s teenager with posters on her wall from Tiger Beat magazine – dashing illustrations of being swept away by love. Her view of reality is a bit skewed. When Charles, a new local doctor (Van Heflin) arrives to care for her father, it’s love at first sledgehammer for him...and an escape hatch for her. He is the first of several men she seduces and uses via withholding before submitting.

She’s terribly unhappy in her new married life. She gives it the good ol’ college try, fixing up their humble abode, charging materials from the local merchant – the start of living above her means via the merchant as ‘pusher’ who provides all...but then demands payment aka blackmail. Charles, the doctor/husband, cannot give her what she truly craves: riches, high society, passion. “Craves” is an understatement and his love for her is not enough. In one of her manic moments of breaking down, she desperately implores:

“Charles, I want a child. I want a boy, Charles. A boy grows to be a man. A man can be free. If he doesn’t like his life he can change it. If there’s anything beautiful, if there’s anything grand anywhere in the world, he can go out and find it. I want a baby, Charles. I want a boy.”

How sad. I’d love to say it’s the desperation of motherhood fueling her mania, but it’s really the desperation of wanting to escape. No suburban housewife could ever put herself in those shoes, right? Emma’s only hope is to live vicariously through a baby son.

So, of course, fate hands her a daughter.

Fate also gives Jones and Heflin an invitation to a fancy dress ball—the impetus of the story hence my title—where the die is really cast for her. See, it’s one thing to wish for things you never had. But when you are given a taste of something that is snatched away, can life be any crueler? Minnelli crafts a pivotally fantastic scene at this ball where not only is the full Monty of Emma’s beauty revealed, but it serves as a metaphor for so many things.

With its stunning production values, the scene is opulent and men can’t take their eyes off her. She’s sought for dances. But poor Charles is shunted off to the sidelines, never being allowed entry into the inner circle of the elite to spoil Emma’s illusion...delusion. He’s even looked down on by a waiter, while Emma is elevated to the belle of the ball. And right then and there, she is suddenly swept off her feet by the handsome and rich Rodolphe played by the drop-dead gorgeous Louis Jourdan in only his fourth American movie. Did I say gorgeous?! She is living the dreams she dreamt...being the center of attention, picked to dance by the handsome ‘prince.’ That whole dance sequence of Minnelli’s is a dizzying scene, serving as a sexual stand-in. And when the windows are broken...

Her beauty is her only currency. She seduces men. She pays the price for that. One man tells her:

“I am a fairly courageous man, Emma but I was afraid of you. You ask for something that consumes while it burns...that destroys everything it touches. I didn’t want to be destroyed.”

Should a woman be satisfied with her lot in life? She is trapped, with fleeting escapes that lead her right back where she started. Things close in on her. She’s in over her head. Everything is about to come crashing down on her. Jones does a fine job portraying a woman who is coquettish, calculating, seductive and trapped. She got me wondering if she could have played Blanche DuBois in Kazan’s capable hands. She only made 27 movies. She was a five-time Oscar nominee, winning her Best Actress Academy Award once for THE SONG OF BERNADETTE (‘44). She’s as different there as she was in CLUNY BROWN (‘46), as she was in the overwrought DUEL IN THE SUN (‘46), as she was in LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING (‘55) or as she was in my personal favorite, LOVE LETTERS (‘45). There’s a quality of vulnerability, sensuality and mania about Jennifer Jones. Yeh, I’m a fan.

I’ve finally come to respect Van Heflin though it took a long time. (Better late than never.) He could play so many different shades of men, I have newly come to appreciate him in SHANE (‘53), THE STRANGE LOVE OF MARTHA IVERS (‘46), ACT OF VIOLENCE (‘49), THE PROWLER (‘51), EAST SIDE, WEST SIDE (‘49) or his Oscar-winning performance in JOHNNY EAGER (‘41). In MADAME BOVARY, he’s besotted by her, defeated by her, stern with her and wants to care for her. But ultimately, she is too much for him.

The movie is peppered with character actors we all know, like Gene Lockhart, Henry Morgan, Ellen Corby and John Abbott. Like my good friend always says about classic movies: Everybody worked. And you need only to IMDB director Vincente Minnelli to see the depth and breadth of his talent. He could direct a film taking place in modern times as with UNDERCURRENT (‘46) or the turn of the century like in MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS (‘44). He could do comedy as with THE LONG, LONG TRAILER (‘54); drama with THE BAD AND THE BEAUTIFUL (‘52); and the light touch of musicals like in CABIN IN THE SKY (‘43), AN AMERICAN IN PARIS (‘51) and his Oscar-winning GIGI (‘58).

Hope you make the time to watch MADAME BOVARY. You can live vicariously through her, so you don’t make the same mistakes she made.

#Jennifer Jones #Van Heflin #Madame Bovary #romance #vincente minnelli #Theresa Brown #TCM #Turner Classic Movies

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ageofevermore · 4 years

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Loved You Too Late

Summery: in which Daisy and Charlotte Johnson love their mother after it’s too late.

Pairings: Charlotte Johnson x Daisy Johnson (platonic!)

Words: 5.3k

Warnings: canon violence from 7x10, definite spoilers if you haven’t seen the newest episode, death, blood, violence, brief mention of gun violence, brief mention of suicidal actions

masterlist

As a child, she would live vicariously through the animated stories she preached on the doorstep of a rundown New York orphanage. Her sisters hand was always tightly pinched between her fingers, and alone in a projected fantasy, she would paint the scene. The story always began with a reunion, the description of a women that could walk on water with eyes of pure chocolate.

She ran with her delusions until she was sixteen years old, and the rundown streets of New York reared it's ugly head in her direction. She was a lonely kid, having nobody but her pessimistic chocolate eyed sister to confide in, and even then Daisy wasn't the best listener. She would rather be off with her head in a computer, creating algorithms that could surely incriminate them both, then paying attention to Charlotte as she pictured a day when they weren't orphans.

When the twins were twenty-two, a burning building collapsed and within the madness their eyes locked on the fragile frame of a desperate single father. Neither one of them had expected to be found out by two men in suits just hours afterwards and brought to a plane where their chosen family unknowingly awaited for their arrival.

Being twins did nothing for their similarities, or lack thereof, despite the preconceived notion surrounding same gender multiples. Charlotte was light eyed, Daisy was dark. Charlotte loved the prospect of a screen free life; Daisy spent her days trying to advance technology. What truly set the two apart was their draw to authoritative figures, and lovers.

Grant Ward was not Charlotte's cup of tea, neither was Phil Coulson. She had found quickly that she would much rather be sat in the cockpit beside a stone faced Melinda, than wandering in circles around the jet with an overexcited Coulson and brooding Agent Ward. Growing up, Daisy was the only damage control Charlotte had ever known. It wasn't often the light eyed twin got her hopes and dreams smothered beneath bad news and storm clouds, but she was easily mislead by the world and it's true intents.

When the twins were eighteen, they had been broken apart by boys and loneliness. Daisy vowed to never let her sister fall so far again, but everything had piled up quickly once they joined forces with shield. Grant Ward tried to kill Charlotte. He sent Fitz and Simmons plunging to the depths of the endless ocean. He broke Daisy's heart into a million pieces and months later had the persistence to try and win it back through pity and childhood trauma.

As if that wasn't enough to dampen the happiness Charlotte was finding with Agent May and the Shield team, her sister fell in love again and made friends with a man named Trip who only lived to see the inside of a stone cocoon before crumbling at Daisy's feet. Weeks later, with new combined powers of a hurricane, Daisy and Charlotte faced the monster of a women who had once been an angel with guarded hearts and past trauma locked away. Lincoln was a man who had lived to see the break of day above the earths surface, but like every man the twins had loved before he met an untimely death and left them with more scars to bare daily.

For a while, after the death of Jiaying at the hands of Calvin, the twins returned to their bubble of self protection. Charlotte clung to Daisy, and Daisy turned her attention to computer programing. Nothing got better for them from their, they just lived with the pain they were bound to encounter. Maybe they weren't meant to find stability or content. The life of an orphan was never one filled with sunshine, rather wilting bushes of thorns.

Never did Charlotte think her mother would be circulating the current conversation as a lively variable, but she hadn't expected to be living in 1980 either.

"--Leaving this Mallick unleashed on the world could have irreparable consequences. He's taken control of afterlife, we have to get it back." Daisy and Charlotte walked into the endings of a rant delivered by Coulson, his expression blank as he stared down at the flashing computer console.

Mack nodded in agreement to Coulson's game plan, his shoulders square and frame stood tall as he subconsciously clenched his fists. It was a sight that would have made Charlotte months ago, but that was before they were sent spiraling through space and time and forced to go through groundhogs day which only ended with the death of another friend. "Starting with his hostages."

"And protecting Jiaying at all costs." Coulson nodded to Mack's addition, neither one of them noticing how Charlotte's face fell and she desperately clutched onto the hem of her soft pink shirt. Daisy noticed her sisters apprehension though, shuffling over so their limbs were side by side and Charlotte wasn't left standing on her own feeling less then seen.

"Simmons, can you send our coordinates to her watch?" Mack asked the loyal agent, his dark chocolate gaze fixed and pointedly avoiding Charlotte's devastated features, "On it." The British agent replied with a curt glance at her best friends faces.

"I don't think it's a good idea to bring her here." Daisy stuttered, speaking up for herself and Charlotte after realizing her younger twin was shocked speechless by the rapidly declining turn of events. Charlotte was sweet, sensitive to the purest of indifference. The world was crumbling beneath her feet for the third time, but now neither Fitz or Enoch was their to ground her.

Coulson sighed, but didn't have to think about his response as he looked the twins over with paternal pain in his robotic blue eyes. "I hear you," He began, "but we can't lose anymore parents."

"This is about protecting your existence." Mack fed into Coulson's bullshit excuse, his shoulders still squared and only tensing the sadder Charlotte's light eyes got. She was the glue that held the entire operation together, and seeing her so distraught by the return of her mother who had once been a daydream and a nightmare, nobody wanted to go through with a plan that could potentially cause her harm. Especially not Coulson and May who looked at the twins as their own kids.

"Aside from May and Yo-Yo, Jiaying doesn't know us. We could minimize what we tell her. Nothing about her future, her power, or you, her--"

"Daughters?" Charlotte asked, her gaze twitching between May and Coulson who were breaking beneath the weight of her heavy sadness. Charlotte wasn't a good Agent. Not when the mission was personal, and she tended to always make things personal. She loved hard, and she felt deeply. She could turn her words to lightning, but nothing could stop the shatter of her heart every time the world worked against her.

May's sigh was audible as she looked between Charlotte and Daisy. Her lips were curled downwards, only adding to the black pit that was gnawing at not only Charlotte's nerve but her patience. "Um, Lottie, there's one other thing. At Afterlife, there was a women--"

Whatever May planned to tell the twins was drowned out by the sound of crackling electricity and a strobe of circular blue light. Charlotte gripped onto Daisy's hand, the both of them fearfully turning towards the source of intrusion. Daisy's face was completely blank whereas Charlotte's told a story of a hundred heartbreaks.

"That was fast." Jemma mumbled, coming to stand by Charlotte's side. She noticed the twins interlocked fingers, and how tightly they clung to each other, but now wasn't the time to vocalize how they weren't alone. Jemma knew all to well that in the face of trauma Charlotte and Daisy couldn't help but feel like it was them against the world.

"He's hunting us."

"My people need protection." Jiaying stepped forward, angling her body in a manor that protectively shielded Gordon. Charlotte flinched at the sight, not knowing her mother to be a women of such thoughtless heroism. The women she spent sixteen years animatedly dreaming about had turned into a nightmare with a murderous past. She wasn't usually one for grudges, but Jiaying didn't sit easy on her memory.

"Leave that to us." May stepped forward as well, her body not before both Daisy and Charlotte as she squared up to Jiaying. May was short, and it was comical to Charlotte how most people found her intimidating, but she didn't have the heart to smile at the sight of May being protective. She felt sick, to leave it simply.

"I don't know who you people are, and somehow you knew how to find me." Jiaying argued peacefully, her voice level and irritatingly calm. She was nowhere near the same violent women Charlotte remembered, but she still had thirty years of heartbreak and misfortune to become cold and murderous.

"We needed your help." Elena tried to reason from the staircase, her gaze pleading for cooperation on Jiaying and Gordon's behalf. "And then you led that man right to our front door!" Jiaying argued without fault, tone clenched and rightfully angered from her own unknowing perspective.

Charlotte flinched when Daisy squeezed her fingers tightly, bracing herself with the courage to speak up and converse with their mother before she becomes a monster after blood. "We're not your enemies." She tried to reason, "We save Inhumans. He wants to take their gifts. That's how he got his."

"Is that even possible?" Jiaying asked, eyes fluttered beneath the weight of Daisy's words. Charlotte, who was still shaken up and healing from their adventurous excursion shifted between her feet uneasily.

"It is." Charlotte weakly responded, looking towards the floor to avoid Jiaying's shocked expression turned in her general direction. She could feel the strings of a panic attack tightening in her stomach, and she knew the telltale signs were visible on her tense features, but now was not the time to run away and mutter breathing exercises beneath her breath. She's an agent of shield for fucks sake, she can't always run and hide.

"That could kill them." Jiaying turned to whisper to Gordon within the same beat that Yo-Yo advanced towards Coulson and Mack, "If I can get in, I can get them out without being seen. I got my power back - thanks to you."

"And if you get taken, you could lose it again, and then you give it to --" May's argument was dismantled by Coulson's thoughtless proposal, "I'll go. Scout a point of attack. You said 'be me.' This me is disposable, if I get caught --"

"You are not disposable!" Charlotte argued in the same breath as Mack, the two sharing a distraught glance when their eyes met and the weight of Coulson's words brushed against their hearts.

"Recyclable then, minimal risk." Coulson correction, and Gordon stepped forward, accepting the suggestion, "I can take him in."

"I can't allow that." Jiaying counter claimed, her eyes kind and caring as she turned towards Gordon with a look neither Daisy or Charlotte had ever personally received. The twins shuddered visible, their sadness understandable. "It's the easiest way. I know the layout. I'll drop him somewhere secret and then go." Gordon insisted.

Jiaying didn't pose another argument, though her posture quivered as she backed down from Gordon reluctantly. Mack didn't waste another moment though, shoulders squaring slightly, "Alright. We'll fly close in the Quinjet. You and Gordon drop in, do recon, and find the prisoners. Then Yo-Yo and I will go in."

"I'm going with you." Jiaying offered, stepping forward again and closer towards Mack. She was desperate at this point, clearly feeling like the world was falling apart beneath her fingertips. Charlotte wished she could sympathize, but she was overrun with petty emotions and tribulations.

"We need you alive." Coulson argued with a straight face and entangled hands. Daisy and Charlotte had still yet to let go of each others embrace, instead inching impossibly closer as the seconds ticked by and they were still stunned by their mothers soft presence. "Your people need you to lead."

"I have to get her back." Jiaying pleaded. "Kora wont listen to you. Maybe I can talk some sense into her!" Jiaying pleaded, and it was then Charlotte and Daisy noticed the glances being thrown their way. May was tense, breath hitching when Jiaying went off on her protective tangent. Elena was just looking between the women in red and the girl in pink with friendly worry.

"But if she sees you, it can provoke her. A-And then everyone's at risk." May spoke softly. It was a tone usually reserved for Charlotte, the women having a hard time turning off her emotions when in the presence of the younger Johnson twin.

"They're right. We can't risk it." Gordon blindly shook his head, tilting his chin down in the direction of Jiaying.

"I'll stay," Jiaying defeatedly surrendered, "but you have to bring back my daughter."

As a child, she had imagined what it would be like to reunite with her parents. She had spoken to Daisy for years about the wonder that is their mysterious history. She was sure they had family somewhere in the world, not wanting to think that they were entirely alone in the world, but she wasn't sure to what extent their bloodline ran. Never had she expected to have both a lively, and murderous, mother and father, or an older sister lost amongst time and unfortunate meetings.

"What the hell, Mel!" Charlotte cried as she followed Melinda May through the maze of computer circuits and paneling. Her eyes were brimmed with hot pools that dared to spill at a moments notice as the gears in her head continued to turn. The women she had just witnessed was in no way the same as the mother she had mourned. "Did it just slip your mind that we have a sister?"

There was a broken edge to Charlotte's question that had May faltering and spinning around on her heels. Charlotte had never been the type to demand answers, but it was clear this particular secret had struck her the wrong way. It was a side of her that nobody at Shield had ever witnessed, and May never wanted to hear that broken edge again. "We were trying not to be swallowed by a time storm."

"Were you purposefully trying to keep us in the dark?" Daisy took over, seeing the dangerous gleam of tears in Charlotte's eyes, "Is this some weird way of trying to protect us?"

"No." May breathed deeply, grabbing at Charlotte's arm and pulling the girl farther down the hallway with Daisy close behind. "No, but Kora is volatile. She already tried to kill your mother."

Daisy sighed, looking defeatedly between Charlotte and the empty space behind the lot of them, "She just never said about a sister, another kid."

"It's possible that Kora wasn't alive." May revealed, watching as Charlotte's face sunk and the tears that had gathered slipped down her cheeks like a river leading to the soft gates of heaven. "When we were at Afterlife, she stole a gun from a guard, and I think she intended to use it on herself. But Nathaniel got to her. I think in the original timeline she --"

"She went through with it." Daisy shuddered, her mind racing back to the moments in New York when Charlotte had been close to the same fate. "Which is why my mom would have left Afterlife to go do charity work and meet our dad --"

"We can't go down that hole right now, Daisy." Mack startled Charlotte as he came up behind the two of them, his eyes softening when he watched Charlie desperately shake the tears from her eyes.

"Let me go with you." Daisy projected the offer, eyes wide and hopeful at the thought of meeting said older sister.

"No." Mack shook his head before walking closer to the twins, "We need you and your mother to survive. You're staying put."

"Don't tell me it's because I'm not 100% because I feel fine." Daisy argued, looking between Mack and May with bleeding desperation, the complete opposite of what Charlotte felt. Then again to reiterate the minuscule similarities, one was dressed in soft pink and the other was clad in black leather.

"You're not going." Mack didn't back down, "This isn't time for that family reunion. We promised your mom we'd save Kora."

"If she can be saved."

Charlotte had been less then thrilled to be pulled away from her room by an overly anxious Daisy. She had been laying in bed paralyzed with guilt and sorrow for a few hours, feeling less then alone with the continual chimes of her wrist watch. Her team members were looking for her, and yet she didn't have the energy to face them and plaster a fake smile onto her lips as to not worry them in the moment.

Daisy hadn't told her where they were going, but her stomach was churning with common knowledge. Charlotte should have been over the moon, always having been the one to idolize a day with their mother, but knowing the course of Jiaying's life and having just barely healed from the trauma, she wasn't sure she could do it all again willingly.

"Tell me there's news." Jiaying begged the minute her unhardened chocolate eyes met the approaching frame of her twins. Charlotte was sure her face was blotchy from tears, but she had no standards for how she approached her murderous dead mother who was instead alive and kind.

"I'm sorry, nothing yet." Sousa sadly shook his head, the apology only worrying Jiaying more.

Daisy and Charlotte were frozen, childhood dreams and adult traumas collected in their vivid memory. They weren't ready for this, and yet they had no choice but to take what was given to them by the 1980's.

"I knew this was a mistake." Jiaying sighed, ringing her hands together nervously as her mind bounced between the status of Kora and Gordon. "I never should have agreed to this."

"You can trust us." Daisy promised, cutting off her nervous babble and beginning steps of a familiar pace. Charlotte did the same when she was nervous, and her chest tightened at the thought of what other traits she could share with this version of her unharmed mother.

"Trust you?" She gasped, "I don't know anything about you! And no one will tell me anything." Her voice got softer as she went, chocolate eyes growing sad at the turn of events.

"We just want to help." Charlotte softly broke to Jiaying, "Afterlife is important to us, too."

"You don't know that first thing about it." Jiaying mumbled, truly believing her words because she was equipped with no further proof or memory.

There was a beat of silence before Sousa spoke up abruptly, "They've been there." Charlotte and Daisy looked at him with wide eyes, not expecting him to openly blurt such compromising intel.

"Before your friends showed up we'd never had an outsider find us!" Jiaying argued. Sousa shook his head fondly, eyeing the twins with a smirk that held all of their worth, "They're no outsiders. Go on. Show her."

Daisy and Charlotte breathed in sharply, shaking a glance before raising their respective arms. Charlotte had always favored her left when channeling their powers, while Daisy had taken instantly to her right. With a breath Daisy rattled the glass of water sitting on the computer table, and Charlotte summoned a bolt of lightning from the electrical outlet just beyond. With another calculated exhale she shot the harvested bolt back towards the water, listening to to the sizzling crack as the water warmed and boiled, and a ring of black settled on the rim of the glass.

"The perfect storm." Jiaying mumbled, looking over the twins with astonishment. "Where did you learn that?" She asked, looking back and forth between Charlotte and Daisy with amazement.

"From you." The older of the twins broke softly, "In Afterlife. In thirty years. We're from the future, and I know how that sounds, but its...it's the truth." Charlotte wasn't sure what she would do if Jiaying didn't believe them. It wasn't easy to go along the word of somebody who cries time traveler.

"I, um..." Jiaying looked down, closing her eyes tightly before reopening them and glancing up at Charlotte, "I had a feeling I...I knew you. There's something...so familiar. Your gift, it's a lot like...Nathaniel took that from you."

Daisy and Charlotte both nodded, "It almost killed us."

"It's knowledge of the future that lead him to us, that he used to warp Kora's mind and turn her against me." Jiaying looked down at the console of outdated computers, her kind chocolate eyes conflicted.

Charlotte stepped closer to her mother, fueling Daisy's confidence as she followed. The two had done everything together since they were babies, they'd damned if that stopped now in the presence of their mother. A mother who hadn't even birthed them yet. "Where you close with her?" Charlotte asked softly.

"Inseparable." Jiaying recalled fondly, "She clung to my leg the first three years. Shy, sweet girl."

"What changed?" Charlotte asked softly. Jiaying frowned for a moment, looking over the girl clad in pink. She was so similar to her Kora. Soft spoken, sensitive. It only amplified her feeling of familiarity.

"Terrigenesis. I thought she was ready, but, Kora lost control. There were accidents. The more I tried to help, the more she pulled away.

"That must be hard." Daisy nodded thoughtfully. Charlotte was speechless beside her sister. This was the women she had dreamed about for sixteen years. A women made of fairytales and soft chocolate eyes ready to sweep them away from the clutches of abuse and neglect. This women didn't exist anymore, tarnished by the harsh hand of murder. "Being so close to someone and not being able to reach them."

Charlotte and Daisy had unconsciously grabbed onto each other, standing before Jiaying and Sousa with entangled hands and trembling strength. "That others - they wanted her gone, but they don't see what I do. Kora has a good heart. She's worth saving."

"Well, she's lucky to have you." Daisy smiled softly, wishing that it had been her and Charlotte to experience such a tender and kind Jiaying. She envied the sister who had thrown it all away to feel powerful. "My power has allowed me to live a long life. I used to think it was my greatest gift, but I was wrong. It was her." Charlotte swore her heart stopped beating. Her face fell, the grip on Daisy's hand growing slack when she was overcome with petulant anger and jealousy for Kora. "Um, sorry. Did I say something?"

Charlotte shook her head sadly, "Growing up, we never knew our mom. And when we finally found her, she wasn't who I hoped she would be." Her eyes were glassy as Jiaying stepped forward. Charlotte fought against every natural instinct in her body, not wanting to flinch away from an embrace that had once tried to kill her but was now so sweet.

"She hurt you." Jiaying concluded, laying her palm softly against Charlotte's cheek. There was no forceful pull from deep inside of her. Her powers were still her own and the life wasn't being extracted through the soft contact. Everything about this women was different. "I can't speak to your mothers reasons, but for me, sometimes trying to do the right thing comes out all wrong."

In that moment Charlotte forgot about all the pain knowing her mother had caused. She loved this version of Jiaying, who hadn't been broken down by mass tragedy. It was a side she never thought a monster could wear, forgetting the monsters aren't born, they're made.

"Daisy, do you copy? Charlotte come in!"

Charlotte and Daisy scrambled for the walkie-talkie sitting on the computer console, eyes still glassy but hearts not as heavy with thick emotions of trauma. "Mel?" Charlotte answered.

"John Garrett's here with Nathaniel, and they have Gordon's powers. Get Jiaying someplace safe." May instructed, fighting off her own maternal instincts when she heard how thick and scratchy Charlotte's voice was. The poor girl thought she was good at masking how she felt, but she was still a painted cavass uncovered to the public.

"We have to go." Daisy seethed. Charlotte led Jiaying out of the room and down the hall with Daisy at her side, knowing it was better if Sousa didn't follow along. They were already a tight cluster, easily identified because of their numbers, they didn't need to put another agent in danger.

They walked briskly down the hall, trying to get their mother to safety, but that failed when Nathaniel stood in the break of a hallway dressed in his eerie black leather coat. His were tucked into his pocket, feigning innocence, but Charlotte and Daisy took no chances. The twins stepped before Jiaying, arms raised and powers at the ready to strike.

"Don't shoot." Came his monotone voice, hands raised in the air pathetically. Charlotte's eyes crackled with electricity, the soft broke of her eyes overtaken by bolts of white lightning. Charges of manifested energy crack at her fingertips, sending a warmth up her arms and down her legs. "The three of us in here, you want to bring the whole of rivers end down on our heads?"

"Give me a reason." Daisy challenged, while Charlotte just scoffed at Nathaniel. She hadn't the patience to deal with a man as entitled as himself.

"Where's Kora?" Jiaying worried for the safety of her daughter, not knowing that beside her were two of her own creations, "What have you done with her?"

"Sorry, Kora couldn't make it. But she sends her best." Nathaniel played cheekily, stepping closer to the trio who was easily on edge awaiting the next shoe to drop. "And don't you look at me like that. You still have Charlotte and Daisy. Isn't two daughters enough?"

Charlotte's strength faltered for a moment in the face of the reveal, looking over at Jiaying with worry before forcing her eyes back towards Nathaniel to avoid unnecessary heartbreak.

"Oh, you didn't know." Nathaniel laughed menacingly, watching as Jiaying stopped to fully glance at the twins. They were undeniably sisters, but the faint traces of her in their nose and lips was subtle and breathtaking, "Wow, it's like a season finale of Dallas around here."

"I'm sorry." Charlotte whispered, she wasn't even sure if Jiaying could heart her over the tremble of heartbreak in her whispered words. She was shaking her head, trying to rid the tears from around her eyes. Bolts of lightning flashed through her irises, reminding Jiaying fondly of a younger Kora. "What you said about your mother, you were talking about me." Jiaying pieced together, looking horrified by the thought.

"It's okay." Daisy nodded her head, having forgiven Jiaying hours ago. The women she had become was horrible, but it was a result of endless pain and torment. This was the mother she wanted to remember for years in advance. The mother she wanted to be for her own kids.

"I hurt you? But I would never--"Jiaying had tried to find a reason in her mind as to what could have led her down a path of such horrible actions, but Nathaniel beat her to it, "It's actually a riveting story. See, Hydra just cuts you all to bits. You're left for dead, your power stolen. That part, you all have in common now, "Nathaniel laughed menacingly, hardly caring for the violent shudder his words provoked from Charlotte of the single bolt of lightning that zapped past his head and struck the wall. "Daisy grows up alone. Sad. Charlotte tries to kill herself at fourteen. Kind of like Kora. They find you eventually, you're all militant and they're with shield."

"Stop it." Charlotte's voice trembles, her eyes pinched together tightly to prevent bolts of strategized lightning from striking Daisy and Jiaying at her sides. She usually had impeccable control, but nothing was as it should be it seems.

"You're on opposite sides." Nathaniel doesn't stop, not like Charlotte thought he would in the first place, "So you start to drain the life out of them. You almost succeeded with Charlotte too, she just had to save her big sister." He taunted Charlotte, his eyes watching as she overheated, close to combustion from how harshly she was trying to block out the memories. "It's working, you're about to kill her, but guess who steps in to crush your spine. Dear old --"

"Enough!" Charlotte and Daisy plead together. The lights flicker overhead, a bolt of lightning and crack of vibrations shooting out towards Nathaniel and knocking him on his ass. Charlotte was heaving heavily, overcome with a burning desire to set Nathaniel Mallick ablaze.

"Nice Quake! I give it a B." Nathaniel shrugged as he stood from the ground, eyes burning darkly as he stared the twins down. "Definitely room for improvement." He threw his arm out, a concentrated vibration sweeping both girls off of their feet and sending them towards the wall made of metal pipes. Charlotte squeaked as she made contact with the floor, a rim of red soaking through the soft pink of her shirt. "If you haven't done the math, I've had these powers a lot longer then you both have."

Daisy and Charlotte watched from the floor, breathing heavily as their already injured bodies tried to compensate for another harsh force. Jiaying's face hardened at the sight of blood falling from Charlotte's nose. Tightly she wrapped her hand around Nathaniel's neck when he walked past her, draining the life from his body without second thought, "Leave my daughters alone."

"Stay back. I won't say it again." Nathaniel seethed after he rammed his elbow into Jiaying's side and sent her stumbling back into the concrete of the wall. Jiaying didn't listen though, it was never her specialty, and protectively she reared forward in motherly defiance.

"Mom, no!" Charlotte gasped, but it was too late, a stream of angered vibrations was sent towards Jiaying, paralyzing her for a moment before Nathaniel smirked wickedly. Feeling the energy of the room at his fingertips, he summoned a bolt of electricity towards Jiaying. Her neck snapped to the side beneath the vibrations, and to ensure she was dead before the eyes of her daughter he struck her heart with the syphoned electricity.

Charlotte cried out painfully, writhing on the ground beside Daisy in a fit of absolute hysterics. Her fists pounded on the concrete, creating pools of blood that only smeared against her cheeks when she fervently wiped at the rivers of tears falling from her eyes. Echoing shrieks shattered Daisy's eardrums as she watched their mother fall silently. She didn't know what to say whereas Charlotte didn't know how to stop screaming.

"No!" She sobbed over and over again, startling Nathaniel who hadn't seen the girl so broken apart even with his knowledge of the future. For a minute he faltered, listening to her high pitched wails, but all it caused was a wide smirk to play on his lips when he collected his bearings. "Well, I guess she won't live forever. And you won't live at all." He smirked wickedly.

Charlotte and Daisy were overcome with grief, rising from the ground with flickering lights and rumbling floors as their entourage. Charlotte's eyes were encased with a fiery white glow, purple bolts zapping from her fingers and shocking Nathaniel. Daisy was no better, face contorted into pained concentration. Electricity cracked around them, but before they could make a calculated attack Melinda May came to their defense.

A gunshot echoed around the hall, having struck Nathaniel in the shoulder. Charlotte fell the to ground, gasping and crying out for air and for life to return to her mother. May froze for a moment, eyes watching as Charlotte Johnson broke completely, having learned to love her mother too late.

For hours they sat on the floor of the lighthouse, hands entertained as their mothers lifeless body laid in their embrace. Her eyes were a light chocolate color, void of any emotion. She never lived a life of murder and manipulation. Never was ripped apart and used by Hydra. She was an innocent claimed as collateral. She was an Inhuman, an ally, a mother.

She had once been a mother whose daughters had loved her too late.

#agents of shield #Daisy Johnson #melinda may #jaiying #phil coulson #alphonso mackenzie #jemma simmons #leo fitz #elena rodriguez #deke shaw #quake #avengers #marvel #fuck season 7 #give me 10 more #i dont want this shit to end

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crollalanzaa · 4 years

Text

My Haikyuu Thoughts

(reposted from twitter)

I started the manga 23/6/14 largely because there was a void left by me falling out of HP which RL and PJO wasn’t filling. I saw Hinata art on viria’s tumblr and was, ‘oh, who he?’ I think I watched a bit of the anime but had not thought much of it ???

So there was this kid who was irritatingly enthusiastic and embarrassingly bad at volleyball and it was all the cringe making stuff I hate because I’m not into vicarious humiliation, but as I read on, and he hit that perfect shot and yelled ‘ALL RIIIIIGHT!’ I was almost hooked.

Then he appeared and you know who I mean. It wasn’t the appearance at the middle school match but turning up at the gym, realising his place was now under threat, but going out of his way to make sure the two idiots bonded on court.

I was intrigued and more than a little koo-koo over Suga, but still not absolutely hooked. The point where I knew this was not only my thing but a story which was going to reel me in was the Neighbourhood match. The drama of the Asahi/Suga/Nishinoya dynamic was one thing. Asahi calling for the toss still sends shivers up and down my spine and yet ... what hooked me was the adults leaving the match, their conversation as they went back to their normal lives They laughed with fondness and nostalgia about the drama of HS volleyball and as an adult reading that, it suddenly transcended the kids/teen lit I’d thought it would be (nothing wrong with that -I often prefer this genre because books written for my demographic I find samey and overly romance or abuse based) because we had normal people like me who’d left their HS dreams in the gym (or the drama studio for me) but were happy(ish) in their everyday lives and enthusiastic about volleyball as a hobby. When Shimada put himself out to help Yamaguchi. When Saeko put herself out to get the idiots to Tokyo, it felt like they were falling for these kids and this team like me.

Reel back a bit. Hq had been going for two years when I jumped in. I binge read everything in two days, finishing at 112 (I think). Back in the day, my friend, we were relying on fan translations. There was no official site, and the translators did it all for love, which was wonderful but there was a lot of debate about reading for free and waiting for the translation could be tortuous. I wanted to support Furudate but couldn’t buy the physical copies. It was suggested at one point that Eng speaking fans shouldn’t be a part of the fandom - not by anyone remotely official, you understand - but that was the state of things in 2014. I bought official merch instead and watched the anime while I waited for 113 to drop.

So forward to 117. If you ever want to know why I still catch my breath and laugh a little at the Daichi Dead moment it’s because we all had to wait for what seemed like twenty years to find out what the high heck was wrong with him. I genuinely thought he’d wrecked his shoulder and was distraught because there was no way they’d win everything with the Captain out!

(Of course I had no real idea about Ennoshita stepping up to the plate, but that’s another story) The discovery it was a tooth had me SCREECHING! So relieved. I yelled to one of my first hq friends (who’s now deactivated) and then casually went to France with friends -hahaha.

I’ve done complete 180s on so many characters now that it’s safe to say I never trust the initial narrative Kags, Tsukki, Yams (come on, he was Tsukki’s mate giggling in corners over Hinata’s ineptitude. It was only when he saw what Hinata could do he stopped being a sock puppet).

The biggest turn around was on Oikawa who I hated to the point where I threw things at my laptop when he appeared. It wasn’t so much him as everyone going ka-ka over him which pissed off my withered adult heart. What changed was forcing myself to write him for an IwaOi week. I reread/rewatched his story and through Hajime’s eyes I began to appreciate him. I wrote Philos as an Achilles/Patroclus reincarnation type fic and that led on and on. And this is what Furudate does so well. Gives you a ‘villain’ then adds the backstory so they’re a hero.

Disliked Tendou, too but his Farewell My Paradise, his acceptance of defeat and the way he was such a good sport about it, made me gasp. And I love love love his new career.

It’s the appreciation of amazing play by the opposition which made me fall hard for Inarizaki and Atsumu. (Look at him here! Punt him out the f*cking window!) I’d learnt not to automatically hate anyone, so I reserved judgment. Moment I decided I liked him? Setting for Kags.

Moment I decided I loved him - getting laughed at by Osamu.

Before this turns into an Atsumu appreciation thread, let me tell you about the characters I was indifferent to but then warmed towards. The main one was because one of my earliest hq friends (yes, you Megan) likes him and through her eyes I started to appreciate the hngg that is Konoha Akinori

When I first started reading hq, I did some searches on tumblr and came across quite explicit Kuroken fanart, so I was understandably nervous meeting those Nekoma boys. Although I’m still ultra fond of the kurokens I wrote, hindsight is a dreadful thing when you see how off your assumptions and hcs were. But in retrospect I don’t think anyone envisaged quite how dorky and shy Kuroo had been as a boy. The error I laugh over the most is somehow transplanting Yaku’s personality into Kai and vice versa, but that’s what happens when you write before canon is done. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Could I have held off writing for six years - nyope. Not a chance. Watching the story unfold, week after week, year after year has honestly been the happiest part of my life. Is that sad? Is it melodramatic?

Perhaps. But it has brought me so much apart from a fantastic story. Found friends. A shelter from when real life’s shit. And so many laughs. I still on occasion burst out laughing in the street when I think about Hinata forgetting to spike, or a daft hc shared on twitter. Still sigh a little over the ppl who said they’d leave when their team lost. Remember the time I was warned not to celebrate the Crows winning because it would upset the Seijou fans. I restricted myself to a brief yay then deleted. All nonsense, because most of the Seijou fans I was friendly with accepted the narrative with a bit of wistfulness and looked forward to the next chapter. And for those who wept that Oikawa ‘deserved to win’ they received their own message from Tooru that his ‘worthless pride’ meant something and he was still a winner!

Oikawa Tooru’s journey perfectly illustrated the idea that your life doesn’t end at High School, that your path is never fixed, and you’re not only made of your achievements but perhaps more so by the doubts and failures. We saw that more recently with the strongest player Ushijima Wakatoshi whose recent backstory with Iwaizumi has at last made me warm to him. (Iwa-chan has this effect!)

There are so many stories to relate to. So many moments. Yachi and Suga overthinking. Kiyoko finding something else she was passionate about. Asahi returning.

You all know I write and some of you know I’m an amateur actor - both of these rely on a certain amount of internal motivation but also external validation. What if the story flops? What if I dry on stage? ‘What if’ can become a never-ending mantra. So when Hirugami’s story appeared, where despite being amazing at volleyball it was making him miserable, until Hoshiumi suggested he could quit and that freed him - it sang to me. I’ve been through ups and downs with writing, and much as I love acting it can takeover especially the worry that you’ll fuck up. I know I won’t set the world alight and that used to ‘Concern’ me, but partly thanks to this story and also my hq tl, I’ve realised it’s unimportant.

If I fuck up on stage, I might throw off other people, but no one will die. If no one reads my fic, I won’t die. If I never write another fic ... no one will die except for the fictional characters and my headcanons. And even then they’re still alive in my head.

And look, I have so many ppl to thank who’ve made this journey with me and supported me all the way, but I’m too scared of missing people out and in a way everyone has helped. But none more than the creator. So Thank you Furudate and Haikyuu for everything.

Great Receive!

#haikyuu!!#thank you furudate-sensei #long post #manga spoilers for anime

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hadleyforte · 3 years

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five fat turkeys → hadall

TAGGING → Hadley Forte & Kendall Andersen (@kendallandersen)

TIMELINE → Friday, November 20, 2020

SETTING → ASU Music Hall Piano Room

SUMMARY → Hadley and Kendall share a moment during his last piano lesson before Thanksgiving break.

Hadley had listened to her classmates' excited chatter about Thanksgiving for weeks now, but she hadn't felt any Thanksgiving cheer of her own until she'd stumbled across a list of ten Thanksgiving songs for kids to learn on the piano. Most of her classmates would be leaving for the holiday break the next morning, Kendall Andersen included, but she'd taken a shot in the dark and texted him anyway, wondering if he'd want to join her for one last piano lesson before he headed home to his family. She was probably more delighted than was strictly necessary when he agreed to come meet her instead of spending his last night with other friends instead. Teaching him her favorite instrument had been one of the high points of her semester, and the look on his face every time he successfully got through one of her lessons left her smiling for hours even after he was gone. Maybe Thanksgiving on ASU campus wouldn't feel so crummy, as long as she could imagine Kendall having a great holiday at home, showing off his new talents in the form of one of the silly songs she wanted to teach him. Hadley spread the sheet music for the songs out on the piano as she waited, idly trying them herself while she waited for Kendall to arrive.

Kendall had been so excited to get a text from Hadley the night before the holiday break. Learning piano with Hadley had been great and he'd been hoping to show his family the progress he'd made with her, so one last rehearsal before heading home for Thanksgiving was perfect. With a huge smile on his face, Kendall made his way to the music room where Hadley had been helping him all semester; his smile grew when he heard some notes coming out of the room, since it meant she was already there. "Hey, Hadley!" he greeted with a raised hand, hurrying over to where she sat and sitting next to her, wrapping her up in a big side hug for a moment. "Thanks so much for this! I actually wanted to message you too, but you beat me to it," Kendall admitted. "I'm really glad we get to have one more of these before I go home. You're the best music teacher I've ever had. And one of the coolest friends." He leaned over and bumped his shoulder against her. "So, Ms. Forte, what do you have for me today?"

Between Kendall's enthusiastic greeting and his confession that he'd wanted to reach out to her, too, Hadley felt her cheeks heating up slightly. That seemed to be a recurring thing around him; it had started in the dim firelight at camp, and hadn't stopped back at ASU, whether they were dancing at a crowded masquerade or just sitting side by side on a piano bench like this. Those thoughts were distracting, though, and she'd fought too long to push them out of her head to let them take over now. "I'm glad you were up for it! I found a couple of really cute beginner Thanksgiving themed songs; I thought it would be fun for you to play them for your family when you're home, if you wanted to. More festive than just 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,' you know?" she said excitedly, gesturing towards Five Fat Turkeys Are We and Hooray, Thanksgiving Day! sitting before them. "If I'd found them sooner I would have made the five fat turkeys for you to take home, too, but well... you have way more camp skills under your belt than I do, I'm sure if you wanted props you could make them yourself!"

Kendall took off the jacket he'd been wearing and let it fall to the side of the bench as he listened to Hadley start talking. He never would've thought to look for Thanksgiving songs, but that was one of the benefits of having a friend that was so smart and creative. "That's such a great idea, Hadley! Don't get me wrong, I stan 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', it was one of my first favorite songs, but these look perfect." He took in the sheet music and laughed a little at the title Five Fat Turkeys Are We, but he was quickly distracted by the idea of making five fat turkey props. "It's okay, I suck at packing so my suitcase is full anyway. There wouldn't be room for five fat turkeys but that sounds so cute! Maybe we can start picking out a Christmas song when we get back from back and make props together!" Kendall suggested animatedly, already trying to think of what would be the most fun to make. Rudolph? A partridge in a pear tree? He was getting ahead of himself, though. He always did that, and he forced himself to focus on the moment. "Um, which of these songs is your favorite? I want to learn to play the one you like most."

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star's a classic for a reason," Hadley agreed, buoyed by how excited he was about something so simple. She really needed people like Kendall in her life, to remind her to be excited more often. There were so many good things around her; getting too bogged down in stress would make her miss them. "And we could have totally changed the words to, I don't know, Gobble Gobble Big Turkey or something... but now we don't have to," she beamed, placing the Five Fat Turkeys song in the front. It was lighter and sillier, and it felt more right for someone who seemed as effortlessly happy as Kendall. "And I can help you pack for Christmas! Unless that's weird because like, well... of course it's weird, you have to pack underwear and things like that. But I'm really organized and could help you fit everything, once you hide like... anything embarrassing," Hadley volunteered, ducking her head to hide her blush. It was so easy for her to write herself as being smooth and calm when she wrote her stories, but actually being those things in real life, when she was so close to him she could breathe in his comforting vanilla-rosemary scent? That was another story entirely. "I have a feeling hearing you successfully play them will make either one a proud teacher's brand new favorite song... But we'll start with the turkeys, how does that sound?" she asked, bumping her shoulder against his lightly as encouragement. "I'm sure you can tell me what the first note is, because you're an A+ pupil... but I can also show you, if you want," she volunteered gently, always willing to accommodate whatever learning style he was in the mood for that day.

"Gobble, gobble, big turkey," Kendall sang as closely to the notes to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as he could before giggling a little bit. "I'm glad we don't have to but honestly? That doesn't sound bad, you just came up with that on the spot?" Maybe he was a little bit easily impressed, but it was more than that -- Hadley was just impressive. It was hard not to find everything she did clever and funny and creative and smart. And nice, too. She was so nice for even offering to help him with this in the first place, or to help him do other stuff, like pack. His face flushed at the mention of his undergarments and he shook his head, laughing a little. "It's not that weird! It's a nice offer, really. And I don't have that many embarrassing things, I promise. I don't want to ask you to do stuff like pack my suitcases but I usually end my packing sessions by jumping on the suitcases just to zip them closed and if you can help me avoid that, well, I'd owe you one." How was Hadley so nice when he was just so awkward? It would've been embarrassing if he wasn't so excited to get to learn a new song. "That sounds great," he said, keeping scooched in right next to her after she bumped against him. It was kind of comforting, feeling the steadiness of a presence next to him, especially when he was only mostly sure what the first note was. It was just so easy to doubt himself and he didn't want to guess just in case he was wrong, because he didn't want Hadley to feel like she'd been wasting her time. "I'd love it if you showed me," Kendall admitted with a grateful smile.

Hadley nodded her head bashfully. If only Kendall knew all the crazy things she thought of off the top of her head... but that would scare him away, and she wasn’t ready for that yet. The more she got attached to him, the more she had a feeling she wouldn’t be ready for that ever , but those were the thoughts of a girl who planned her life out entirely too much and forgot to live in the moment. She didn’t want to do that now, not when this moment involved the sweetest boy she’d ever met and that smile that made her stomach feel a little too fluttery. “If nothing else I could sit on the suitcase for you so you don’t have to sit and zip at the same time,” Hadley promised, giggling at the mental image of him belly flopping onto his luggage. “Or you could just borrow some of my luggage and pack extra; it’s not like I ever really leave ASU,” she added with a shrug. She was fine living vicariously through friend’s holidays and movies and books; it only made her sad if she thought on it too long, and with the way her brain moved a million miles a minute, she could usually forget about it quite quickly. Right now she had music, and Kendall, and once he was gone at home, well, the music would still be there, at least. “Of course!” Hadley smiled sidelong at him before gently resting her fingers on the keys, letting them glide from note to note as she played the short song for him without singing the silly words that went along with it just yet.

"That's so cool," Kendall laughed, shaking his head and making a mental note to try to write a full parody version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to perform for Hadley when they came back from Thanksgiving break. It was kind of silly but the idea sparked joy so he hoped it would spark joy in Hadley too. After all, making a girl who'd be willing to sit on his luggage for him smile was kind of the least he could do. "That would honestly make it so much easier! I'm so not flexible enough to lie down on something and zip around it at the same time. I once accidentally zipped my sweater into the zipper, so, if I can avoid that, I'll be a happy man." His growing smile plateaued for just a second at the thought of Hadley staying at school for the holidays. Somewhere in his brain, he must've known that was the case. She wasn't his only friend from the Isle, of course, and where else would these kids without family go? Still, it pulled at his heart harder than he expected it to. He was kind of glad they were turning to focus on the music for a moment because he'd had to really choke down the reflex to ask Hadley if she was okay with not having anywhere to go, and if she wanted to talk about it, and getting into a serious and potentially depressing conversation wasn't why they were here. Maybe when she taught him the song, he could treat her to a late night coffee to thank her and ask her if she wanted to talk. Maybe he'd even invite her home…

But that would have to wait. Right now, he just wanted to prove to Hadley that he'd picked up some talents over their time together. Watching her play the notes so easily was both intimidating and inspiring, and when she finished, he clapped his hands together for her. "Okay," he said softly, rubbing his cold hands together for a second before putting his hands on the keys in front of him. He gave her a nervous smile before trying the song out. He played it slower than Hadley had, and not as gracefully, but he thought he hit all the notes right at least, enough to smile proudly at her when he was done. "I think I messed up the rhythm in the middle there but I hit the notes so...yay?"

Hadley held her breath as she watched Kendall play the song back for her. It was so impressive, how quickly he picked it up, with only a slight hiccup in the middle. "No, no, it was so good," Hadley promised him, a proud smile on her face when he had finished. "It wasn't perfect, but the best things in life aren't. If things were perfect on the first try, that would be so boring," she informed him matter of factly, bringing her hands back up out of her lap, ready to play with him. "That part in the middle's tricky anyway. Do you want to try it again? I can help guide you through it, until your hands get used to the motion," she offered. Perhaps she should have hesitated a bit more, waited for a response from Kendall, but he'd been so good at trusting her and her teaching methods so far that she thought nothing of it as she rested her hands atop his, small fingers lined up with his longer ones as she instructed, "Starting from the fifth line, ready when you are?"

Kendall hung his head sheepishly, but he couldn't hide the smile that Hadley's words brought. "One thing's for sure, I definitely couldn't have done even that when we first started. And if I'd been perfect our first lesson, this might not have continued, which would have been too bad." He was about to ask her to promise she'd still make time to play with him when he didn't need her help anymore but he held it back. It was a moot point anyway, he wouldn't ever get too good to need Hadley. Like everything else he tried, music was something he loved but it wasn't his Thing. That didn't mean he didn't want to try though, so when Hadley offered, he nodded. He didn't fully grasp what she'd meant when she said 'guide you through it', so the touch of her fingers on his surprised him, but not in a bad way. Just in a way that made his face warm and made him curse his more hopelessly romantic nature. Kendall had an issue with imagining sparks wherever a pretty smile and a kind heart and a good person and the tossing and turning of his stomach popped up. Heck, once upon a time he'd convinced himself that love-averse Claudine was an option, which was a clear sign that he sucked at this kind of thing. He thought he'd gotten better at it in more recent times but more and more sparks came up every time he and Hadley hung out. It had started at camp and followed him through every lesson, every text, every dance at the Halloween ball, and now, when her hands rested on his so comfortably. She probably had no idea that her easy contact sent such electricity down his arms, and she probably wouldn't like if she knew. Swallowing that down, he smiled and said, "Let's do it," before letting his fingers start moving. He took the first note but from then on it really felt like a team effort, to the point where he wasn't sure who was really leading, until they got to the end. He turned to her excitedly and laughed. "Is it just me or was that really good?!"

Kendall had a way of disarming her, of making her feel completely at ease with his warm smiles and his kind words. Maybe that was why it was so easy for Hadley to giggle and admit, "Teaching you became one of my favorite things to do from our very first lesson. Even if you had been perfect, I probably would have pretended you weren't, just so we could hang out more." Oh, God . That was so embarrassing of her to say that, but it was the truth. He was always so earnest, and always made her feel so special without even trying; the least she could do was make sure he knew the sentiment was returned, and tenfold, at that. When they'd first started hanging out at camp, she'd tried to hold herself back from feeling too much, knowing Claudine was so fond of him and not wanting to step on her friend's toes, but lately... Well, it had been harder and harder to fight the fact that she liked Kendall quite a bit more than she liked the average person. Thankfully, it seemed that Claudine's affections were directed elsewhere lately; it made her feel less guilty for the way her heart stuttered at the feel of their hands linked together on the keys, and definitely less guilty for the way her body was buzzing with nervous energy as they moved farther down the keyboard and she found herself having to scootch ever closer to him. "That was amazing," Hadley agreed breathlessly, keeping her hands resting on top of his, soaking up the warmth even though their song was done. "We're kind of an amazing team, huh?" she asked, jolting slightly when she realized that her face was much closer to his than it had been when they'd started, nearly as close as it had been when she'd been dancing with him at the Halloween ball and found her thoughts wandering into thinking it felt almost romantic to her. That was crazy, though; just because she felt like she was maybe allowed to like Kendall now didn't mean that he'd like her, too. He was just being his usual sweet self, and Hadley cleared her throat, finally bringing her hands back to her lap. "Do you want to try it on your own now? I can sing along, so it's still a team effort!"

It was good to hear that Hadley got joy out of these piano lessons just like he did, and it made warmth spread all over Kendall's chest. "We would've hung out more anyway," he promised, trying not to think that her confession reminded him of a thought he'd had at their last lesson, that even when he got better, he might pretend he hadn't just for more of this. More of laughing together over a piano and finding happiness in music together, of the little butterflies he felt when their fingers grazed or when her side was pushed against his. She came even closer as they played and he found himself grateful that she didn't scooch away once they were done. Physical touch was one of his big love languages, so being so close to her definitely made him feel like they were a united force. "We're the definition of an amazing team!" he assured her, his thumb briefly searching for Hadley's index finger atop his own to rub it a little bit in silent assurance. He made himself quickly stop though, because that was probably way too intimate, especially with how close their faces were now. He swallowed but found it hard to look away until he pulled her hands back, and he cleared his throat too with a nervous laugh as he looked back at the sheet music. "I'd love if you sang along," he agreed, waiting for a second before starting the song again, a little faster than his first try but still not as fast as it ought to go. Hadley had such a pretty voice and it was all so fun that he couldn't help himself from quietly joining in after she sang the intro. They really were a good team. He'd never thought he was a particularly good singer but his voice sounded like a nice soft background for hers, and he loved it.

For so long, Kendall had felt like such a separate entity to her, someone who was Claudine's friend and not really hers. She was so glad that had changed, but it was a little bit scary sometimes, too. It was entirely too easy for Hadley to understand why her friend was so fond of this wonderful boy; it was obvious in the way her brain got carried away the second he said they would have hung out more anyway, even without the piano lessons. She could picture it too easily; sitting across the table, staring into his eyes too long at nice dinners; walking across campus, maybe even hand in hand; cuddling up to him watching movies, or just staying up late talking to him about anything and everything; dancing, wearing matching costumes like they had on Halloween, only this time on purpose... Hadley had a feeling her cheeks were flushing red again just thinking about it, and she was glad for the song to distract her. Singing about five fat turkeys couldn't possibly be romantic... And yet, when the words were done, Hadley let Kendall repeat the song instead as she made up a next verse on the fly, anything to stay close to him, their hands brushing as he played, her eyes drifting from his hand back up to watch how cute his face was when he was concentrating on getting the song right... "Five fat turkeys are they," Hadley giggled, hoping she didn't confuse him too much by creating more of the song. "They played piano all day... When they gobbled along, people loved their song, and they're friends not food that way." It was a ridiculous attempt, but Hadley had a feeling Kendall would appreciate it. The fact that he always seemed to, no matter what it was she was doing, was part of why she kept gravitating towards him... like now, when she realized her face was close to his again at the song's close. This time, though, she didn't turn back to the piano; instead, she just smiled softly, not wanting to break their gaze.

The song was silly and the lyrics were borderline ridiculous, so it was even more ridiculous of Kendall to be feeling all fluttery, right? It was a testament to how much work they'd done on piano since summer that he was able to keep playing even though every time they accidentally brushed hands his face got a little bit warmer and his heart beat a little bit faster. At least it helped his playing speed up. Hadley's singing also helped him keep tempo, but he was more interested in the words she was singing than the tempo she was singing them. The words she was singing weren't coming from the sheet music -- she was making it up on the spot! And it was so good! "Oh my gosh!" he laughed, a huge smile on his face as he was visibly awed, once again, by her talent. "That's brilliant!" Which it was. It was also funny and clever and made him smile like crazy, just like Hadley herself; it was weird, but it made him feel special by association to be someone she made time for, someone she gifted with her brains and laughter and charm. And right now, it was so easy to imagine being the guy who could play piano while she came up with her unique songs. Maybe if he got better, they could do this more often. Maybe they could go to open mic nights, or karaoke, or maybe some day they could go to his house and show his parents... and wow, as always, he was getting ahead of himself, but that was so easy to do with Hadley. He'd always known she was pretty and talented, but the more he got to know her, he kept finding more and more things to like and it was getting him flustered. It also somehow kept getting him much closer to her face than he'd expected. "You're brilliant," he added, quieter now that they'd stopped playing piano. His eyes flickered down to take in all of Hadley's face before he could help himself. They were about this close when they were dancing together at the Halloween Ball, and on that day, he'd wondered if the warmth in his cheeks and the fluttery feelings in his stomach meant that something like a kiss might be a good idea. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't thinking about it right now too. She was probably just being nice and he was taking it all out of proportion, but it really did feel like something might be happening and he let himself get closer to her a little bit; even if nothing happened, Kendall found himself unable to resist indulging in the sparks between them for just a little bit longer. Hadley smelled so nice, as always, and she was so pretty, whether it was from as far away as spotting her across the room at a ball or as close as they were now, the closest they'd ever been.

This moment somehow felt so entirely different from the sort of thing Hadley had ever experienced with anyone else, and yet oddly familiar when it came to Kendall. The more time she spent with them, the more they got closer and closer to... something, that she couldn't quite put a name on. Their faces had been this close at the Halloween ball, too, and the nearness of him had made her feel fluttery and dizzy and exhilarated. Then, though, they'd been in a crowded room full of people, where anyone could see... including Claudine, whose feelings had been unclear to her. But her friend had gone on a real, actual date with another boy and had a good time! That meant she didn't have to feel guilty for wanting this moment to turn into something more, didn't it? That she wasn't a bad friend, and she wouldn't be hurting anyone if she stopped wondering what it would be like to close the distance between them and actually did it? If she was half as brilliant as Kendall said she was, she'd stop running away from something that was right in front of her just because she was scared. The scariest things in life were usually the most important ones, after all, and Kendall had already become so important to her in such a short period of time. The more she learned about him, the more she wanted to know... and right now, she desperately wanted to know if kissing him in real life would be as great as it was in the occasional daydream she allowed herself. Before she could second guess herself any longer, Hadley tilted her head upwards, until the space between them no longer existed, and her lips were pressed gently to his.

Kendall had been planning on letting himself linger in Hadley's space a moment longer, just because it felt so good to be so close to her. He wasn't really sure how long they were looking at each other; it felt like no time had gone by at all, or like maybe Thanksgiving had passed them by and so had Christmas, and New Year's, and everything else. He couldn't remember the last time he'd let himself indulge in these butterflyish feelings, and it seemed like they got stronger the longer he stayed. It was so much tension that when Hadley's lips actually touched his, it felt like a huge sigh of relief. He couldn't actually believe this was happening, but he wasn't complaining. He'd been curious about what it would be like to kiss Hadley since the bonfires at summer camp and his curiosity had only grown more and more as he'd gotten to know her, and it was sweeter than he could've imagined. It was soft but sent static all the way down to his toes and back up again. He kept the kiss gentle as he closed his eyes and leaned in a little bit, his hand finding one of hers on the piano and lightly resting on top of her fingers. It probably wasn't the correct kissing technique to have a large smile spread across his face but he couldn't help it; he always smiled when Hadley was involved. He pulled back when he was just about out of breath, because he didn't know whether to open his mouth and breathe against her or what. "Umm... that was.... awesome," he said happily and softly. "Is... can we? Again? Or...?" He wasn't even sure if words was coming out of his mouth coherently or not but he hoped Hadley understood him. She always made it feel like she did.

Hadley had only been kissed one other time in her life, and there was simply no comparison between the two occurrences. Until right now in this moment, she'd thought all the silly over-the-top phrases she used in her fanfics were just exaggeration, but no. Kissing Kendall made it clear that things like fireworks, and tingling lips, and feeling like you were a puzzle that had found its missing piece were very real feelings. Maybe inadequate, even, for describing the bliss she experienced, to have him kissing her back, returning her action in a way that made her heart feel like it was flying right out of her chest. When he held her hand on the piano, she accidentally played a random note, but she was so lost in the way their lips fit together that she hardly even noticed. She would have been disappointed that the kiss ended if she hadn't been in need of a breath herself, and she giggled when he called it awesome. "So awesome," she agreed breathlessly, "Like, awesome doesn't even begin to do it justice." With anyone else, she might have worried she seemed too enthusiastic, that she was being over the top... But this was Kendall, and she was on too much of a high from the kiss to overthink. "I'd love to -- you know, again," she nodded emphatically, squaring her body fully towards him on the piano bench. She'd had more songs she'd wanted to teach him before he went home, but suddenly, she couldn't imagine possibly sitting beside him and focusing on music when she'd just be thinking about how badly she wanted to kiss him. It was the best feeling in the world, quite possibly the greatest experience of her short life, and she brought her hands up to rest on his shoulders this time as her eyes fluttered closed and she kissed him again, more confidently this time.

Kendall had not gone into today expecting to kiss Hadley -- in fact, he tried really hard never to go into any social interactions with any expectations that fell on the other person -- but now that it had happened, he just wanted it to happen again. He'd had moments in his life where he thought a kiss might be on the horizon but there were enough factors in his mind that kept him from going for it, and the other people had never taken the initiative either. Sometimes that left him feeling unwanted, like he just wasn't the guy people took chances on, but it was hard to think about that, or anything really, when Hadley's lips against his filled his body with too many good feelings. No matter what happened after this, Hadley was the girl who'd taken a chance on him. And that made him want to take chances back, like asking to kiss again, and he could scarcely believe it when she agreed. Maybe falling for somebody wasn't supposed to be filled with nerves that he was doing everything wrong, or that he was being selfish, or the crushing guilt that he wanted things the other person probably didn't; maybe it was meant to be as easy as kissing and liking it and kissing again. And again, and again. His hands came up to rest on her arms but they eventually found their way to her waist, like they were slow-dancing. They kissed and kissed and kissed until his head went light and his face almost hurt from smiling so much, but it was so nice, one of the nicest feelings he'd ever had. It was so nice, in fact, that he got lost in it, and eventually it was late, much later than he'd expected. He wouldn't have even noticed if it wasn't for the clock in the room but when he did, he pulled back reluctantly. "I uh... I have to go home and get some sleep. I'm leaving pretty early tomorrow and it's way later than I thought. Time flies when, you know, you're with someone that makes your heart happy," he smiled. "But that...you... thank you. For the song and everything else." The blood rushed back to his face, coloring it a warm pink as his hand mindlessly took hold of one of hers. "Can I walk you back to your dorm, maybe?"

It was hard to imagine that when this night had begun, Hadley had been sad about everyone leaving her here alone for the holidays, and worried that Kendall had better things to do with his evening than see her before he left. Instead, this had turned into a magical evening she’d never forget, complete with what she planned to count as her first real kiss... and second, and third, and more. Kissing Kendall was just as intoxicating as talking to him was, maybe even more so, and selfishly she wished they could stay right here like this forever. He was right, though; it had grown late, and he had places to be even if she didn’t. She felt lightheaded and giddy as he took her hand in his and walked her back to her dorm, like the real gentlemen she daydreamed about. It was nearly as romantic as kissing him had been, the way their fingers stayed intertwined the whole time as she chattered nervously about the five fat turkeys and how she couldn’t wait to hear about how his family reacted to his performance. There was more she wanted to say as they approached the dorm she shared with Claudine — things she wanted to ask, like what this meant for them and if it could happen again, the sooner the better. That might be asking for too much, too soon, though, and Hadley didn’t want to ruin her perfect night by asking and getting answers she might not like. Instead, as they reached her door, she wrapped her arms around his neck to steady herself as she pressed up on her tiptoes and kissed him again, lingering there as long as she could, savoring the taste of his lips and the floaty feeling that she had a feeling would stay with her the whole time he was home. “Happy Thanksgiving, Kendall,” Hadley told him, pulling him tight for one last hug before finally putting her hand on her door and twisting the knob to go inside and dream of him instead.

#para #para:fivefatturkeys #para:kendall #asukendall #kendallandersen #thanksgiving 2020

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geralehane · 4 years

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A Faeverse Story: The Park Fae

(faeverse is my new series of interconnected short stories about fae and their girlfriends interactions with humans.)

Lenny first meets her when she’s walking Rem on a chilly spring night. She notices her because Rem, being the extremely friendly young dog she is, lunges in her direction, eager to make friends. Otherwise, she’d probably remain a faceless silhouette in the shadow of a broken streetlamp.

First time she sees her, she’s tugging on the leash in an attempt to restrain her dog and pull her away from the bench. She mentally thanks her past self for deciding not to let Rem off the leash until they are deeper in the park. If she had, Rem would’ve reached the bench in no time and actually leapt at the person, instead of simply panting excitedly a few feet away from them. The rushed apology at the tip of her tongue dies when she glances at the seated stranger and realizes she’s not paying any attention to them. She’s staring at her phone, brows furrowed in deep thought as she doesn’t blink. There’s nothing particularly unusual about that - Lenny herself has received plenty of comments about her resting angry scowl when she’s browsing through something. People often mistake the look of deep concentration for discontent.

Except the girl’s phone is off. Lenny blinks, but shrugs it off after a second of confusion. She doesn’t know that girl, and she doesn’t know her story. Perhaps, she’s waiting for an important call. At midnight. Alone in the park.

But, like she said – she doesn’t know her story. So she simply takes a turn and walks away, the brief thought about the girl’s beauty - apparent even when obstructed by darkness - quickly forgotten as she hurries to keep up with a happily strutting Rem.

She probably wouldn’t think twice about the chance encounter – okay, maybe a couple of times, not more – if she didn’t run into her again the very next day, at the exact same time. Seated on that very bench, the girl quickly smokes, each puff shaky and each exhale rushed and tense. The streetlamp she’s under is repaired, and it illuminates her surprisingly soft features and blonde hair, painted golden with the warm light. She looks to be around Lenny’s age, maybe a little younger, but definitely in her early twenties.

Once is a happy coincidence. Twice is a pattern. Thrice could be fate if one believed in it. Lenny’s not sure she does. She is sure, though, suddenly, that she wishes there were a third time. Just so she has something to approach the girl with. Because tonight, she turns left before she reaches the bench and hastily walks away, for once grateful for Rem’s near-obsessive determination to sniff things that are a mile away.

She doesn’t think she can explain her sudden flight. It may or may not have something to do with the girl’s strikingly gentle beauty. Lenny thinks any artist would be ecstatic to paint her, warm golden hues and soft strokes covering the canvas, not one harsh line in sight. And, even though she can barely sketch a table, she perfectly envisions the piece in her head. Along with the sweet buttery smell of French toast, and the scent of freshly pressed orange juice on a sunny, lazy Sunday afternoon, when pajamas are never taken off and there’s only place for two in the entire tiny world of a small apartment filled with slow smiles and touches and smooth blonde hair scattered across the pillow…

Rem attempts to chase a stray cat, jostling Lenny out of her thoughts that are bordering on creepy, and she shakes her head as she scowls at herself. You literally just met her. No, you didn’t even meet her, you just saw her for a total of two times and ten minutes. Calla, her best friend, has said on a number of occasions that she couldn’t be more of a lesbian stereotype if she donned a thousand flannel shirts. This is certainly one of those occasions, she thinks with an involuntary grin as she imagines Calla scoffing at her when she tells her about this.

Sighing, she calls for Rem to go home, and tells herself not to look back.

The girl’s silhouette is still on the bench when she does. //

Lenny’s vague, unclear wish comes true the next day. The girl is still there. For a brief, insane moment, she imagines her to be the park fae, messing with people’s heads and wearing them down before luring them to vanish in a different, colorful, gorgeously terrifying world.

She doubts, though, that the park fae would look this… sad. Desperate. Even if creatures like that existed, the girl is still undeniably human. And tonight, her expression is more broken, and because of that, Lenny can’t keep putting the inevitable off.

“Uh,” she clears her throat as she shortens the leash, hoping Rem won’t jump. “Hi.”

The girl blinks, as if shaking off a daze, or a daydream, and slowly turns her head to meet Lenny’s increasingly scared eyes. “Hello?” She asks more than states, arching one brow.

Lenny swallows. Right. “I, uh – I couldn’t help but notice you… sitting here,” this is not going well, “alone and – do you need help? I mean, if you--”

“I,” the girl interrupts before Lenny digs a deeper hole for herself and a smaller one for Rem just because she refuses to die of embarrassment alone and she’s a horrible person who’ll drag her dog down with her, “am fine. You need to mind your own business.” She glances at Rem who’s curiously wagging her tail and attempting to come closer, and Lenny sees a brief, amused smile escape her before she shuts down and turns her attention to her phone, this time with its screen lit up.

The lightbulb has already gone off inside her head before Lenny has a chance to smash it into a million pieces. Rem. She likes Rem.

And you still don’t know anything about her – and now, you’ve been given a pretty clear instruction to fuck off, she reminds herself as she mumbles an apology and rushes to get out of there. Besides, using her dog to – what? chase the notorious get the girl cliché? – get closer to someone doesn’t feel right.

A plan’s already forming, however, and Lenny doesn’t know if she’s really powerless to stop it or if she’s just telling herself she is.

“I’ve always wanted to say it like they do in bad comedies, so thank you for the opportunity,” Calla happily informs her. “So here we go. You did what?!”

Lenny can’t help a short laugh despite the feeling of deep embarrassment spilling in her chest. “I, Lenny the useless lesbian, let Rem off the leash for the sole purpose of getting a girl’s number,” she says solemnly, trying – and failing – not to snicker. This whole thing is just so – absurd.

Calla’s dirty blonde curls bounce as she shakes her head in amusement. “You’re using her,” she says, faux accusatory. “She’s using you, hon.” Rem only yawns at that as she lays sprawled out next to Calla on Lenny’s couch, her head resting in her lap. Calla chuckles and scratches at Rem’s droopy ears. “Maybe the usage is mutual,” she notes.

“Hey. My dog loves me.”

“And yet she chooses my lap over yours every time,” Call rebuffs playfully. “But back to that girl. What were you thinking?”

“I don’t – ugh,” Lenny throws her arms in the air, exasperated with herself. “I used my dog as a means to a questionable end. I’m horrible.”

Blue eyes roll at her. “Alright, school production of Hamlet, calm down. Did you score or not?”

“Would I be sitting here disappointed with myself if I did?”

Her friend shrugs. “Hey, I don’t know your life. Maybe.” Except Calla does know her life. Sometimes, she knows her better than she knows herself.

“Well, I didn’t,” she huffs, standing up from her chair and plopping onto the couch next to a grinning Calla. “Why do I always do this? Why do I always – chase the fairy dust?”

Calla hums, sympathetic. “You’ve totally imagined your whole life together already, haven’t you?” Her grin grows softer when Lenny only gives her a defeated nod. “Can I just say that I’m glad you’re not attracted to me? Cause I can’t imagine how awkward it’d be for you to be friends with me after wondering what I look like naked. Or carrying your fifth child.”

“Okay first, I only want four, and two, I’ve seen you naked. And – stop putting ideas in my head,” Lenny pushes her shoulder, gently, before getting up with a sigh. “I gotta take Rem out. You coming?”

“Obviously. Wait, you never told me what happened after Rem got to slobber all over the poor girl and you lived vicariously through your dog.”

“She didn’t slobber,” Lenny protests. Maybe a little. “And nothing really happened. Rem ran over to her, she pet her, called her a good girl, and ignored me. Then Rem got bored and ran away.” She sighs. “And so did I.”

“Girl,” Calla drawls, visibly struggling to hold her laughter in. “That’s brutal. Is that why we’re taking Rem out an hour earlier than usual? So you don’t run into her?”

Lenny doesn’t reply, because she doesn’t have to. Calla knew the answer to that question before she asked.

There is a fatal flaw in her otherwise – well – still poorly thought out plan. She doesn’t actually know when exactly the girl comes to the park, because every time she sees her, she’s already there, on that bench. Lenny’s kind of assumed that she shows up mere minutes before her, and boy is she proven wrong tonight.

“Calla,” she says, lowly. “That’s her. Over there.”

“Do you think she wanted to avoid you, too?”

Must she? “If she did, she would have come an hour later, not earlier,” Lenny gruffly replies, somewhat offended. Even though the girl would be justified in her desire to avoid her after last night’s disastrous display. “I think – I guess that’s just when she comes here.”

She already knows she’s not going to like whatever Calla’s about to say when she sees that dreadful determined look in her eyes. That look has gotten them in trouble plenty of times. Admittedly, it also led to many fond memories, but those became fond after a certain passage of time. Like when she got them arrested in a small southern town they were passing through. Her heart was in the right place, but her bare chest wasn’t, and indecent exposure is not pretty on anyone’s record.

“Why don’t we find out?” Here it is. Lenny nods to herself as she catches Calla’s elbow, gently but firmly tugging her back and meeting her glaring hazel eyes with her own stern ones.

“No,” she simply says, shaking her head. “She probably already thinks I’m stalking her. Please don’t add to that.”

“Jesus. Okay,” Calla murmurs, mostly to herself, and there it is again – that fire she gets in her eyes just before she’s about to explode. “Lenny. You walk your dog in this park twice a day. You’ve lived near this park for several fucking years. This girl showed up, what, two days ago? You act like she owns that bench,” Calla lets out an agitated breath while Lenny blinks, ambushed. “For all you know, she might be prepping to blow this place up, cause this whole thing is pretty damn suspicious if you ask me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Lenny states.

Calla shrugs, visibly calming down. “Not in the world we live in, but yeah, doubt she’d hang around here drawing attention to herself if she were to try something like that,” she admits. “Still. She’s the weird one. Not you.”

“Or,” Lenny says, “no one is weird and everyone should mind their own business.”

“Or that.” Hazel eyes twinkle with self-satisfaction. “So let’s do just that. Wanna play catch, baby?” The last sentence is intended for Rem, and she replies with a happy bark, making them both grin.

She only glances at the girl twice that evening, and she thinks she sees her hastily turn away the second time she does, as if afraid Lenny will catch her looking at them. But she’s not sure.

It rains the next night, and it’s the dreadful kind. She almost didn’t take Rem out, but the pitiful whimpers and gazes her dog shot her while scratching at the front door didn’t leave her much choice. So they both don raincoats and ran outside.

There is something reliving, liberating about water. As cliché as it is, it truly does wash everything away, leaving you bare and clean and free. Lenny takes a deep breath, filling her lungs with cold, fresh air, and stretches her hand out, catching the waterfall and splashing her face with it. Her mood quickly improves as she imagines brewing herself some hot tea with apples and spices and curling up on the couch with Rem and a book after they are done with the walk. It’s always so much better inside when it’s awful outside. Makes her appreciate the smallest things, like warm blankets and comfy pajamas and old Halloween specials.

Her growing smile fades, however, when she sees the familiar figure perched on the bench, with her arms crossed and shivering. Is she insane? Even Rem doesn’t want to be here – she quickly takes care of her dog business and is now standing beside Lenny, tail tucked in as she patiently waits to be ushered inside.

She doesn’t even really think as she marches up to the girl on the bench, strides long and purposeful. “Hey,” she says – snaps, really, the combination of terrible weather and the bizarreness of this situation making her impatient. The girl’s expression is unreadable as she meets her gaze. Lenny figures she’s too cold to care about being bothered right now. “I know it’s not my place, but you’re gonna get hypothermia if you stay here. You’re clearly waiting for something, or someone, but you can do it in my apartment. My windows overlook the park.”

The girl bites her lip. Mostly to stop it from trembling. “How do I know you’re not gonna feed me to your dog?”

“Don’t worry, she’s vegetarian,” Lenny quips. Calla once told her that her wit is quicker – and much more brazen – when she’s under pressure. The urgency of this situation could be considered pressure, she thinks. She just really doesn’t want her to stay here. “If you’re apprehensive, which is understandable, let me walk you to a café, or – something. You can’t stay here. It’s gonna rain all night.” She licks her lips, nervous, and tastes the rain drops. Fresh.

The girl glances at Rem, who’s beginning to tremble. “Fine.” Without adding anything else, she stands up, desperately hugging herself to warm up, and brusquely starts walking. Lenny hurries after her, mildly bewildered at the girl’s rudeness. But she thinks it doesn’t matter. At least she’ll be someplace warm now.

“So, uh, there’s this coffee shop down the street – it closes in one hour, though, so I don’t know--”

“I thought we were going to yours,” the girl interrupts. “Unless your dog has changed her mind about vegetarianism,” she adds, then. It’s deadpan, but it is a joke, and that’s enormous progress.

“Yeah, I don’t think she’s aware she’s adopted that philosophy,” Lenny chuckles. They never slow down, and it’s a short walk to her building. It’s just across the road.

The girl presses the elevator button, and it arrives almost immediately. “Which floor?”

“Uh, sixth. You can see your bench from my living room.” Why, Lenny? The girl cocks an eyebrow, and she hurries to explain. “I wasn’t – watching you, or anything. I’ve lived here for a couple of years now and I pretty much memorized the layout of the park by now.”

“Even if you did, it’s whatever. It’s your window,” the girl says after a moment of consideration. She doesn’t sound like that’s something she wouldn’t mind. More like someone who accepts it’s out of their control.

Lenny feels the need to convince her she’s saying the truth. “But I didn’t. It wouldn’t -- feel right.” The elevator stops and dings, saving them both from a yet another awkward moment.

“I’ll go put the kettle on,” Lenny informs the girl when they walk in. “There’s a blanket on the couch. If you want, I can give you some dry clothes.”

“That… would be nice,” the girl says slowly, as if still contemplating whether she wants to be here. “Thank you.”

Lenny tries not to show her surprise. “You’re welcome,” she smiles, and kneels to wipe Rem’s paws. “Just give me a minute.”

When she walks into the living room with a cup of tea and a change of clothes, the girl’s curled up on the couch, and the blanket’s next to her. “I didn’t want to make it wet,” she says when Lenny gives her a questioning look. Rem chooses this exact moment to burst into the room and jump on the couch, hogging the blanket all to herself. “And I didn’t’ wanna piss her off,” the girl adds, with a small smile.

Lenny makes a mental note to buy Rem any treats she wants. “I have other blankets,” she tells her. “Here. I hope you don’t mind sweatpants – I figured their size is more or less universal.”

“I don’t think I have the right to mind anything right now. Although if you have something of your girlfriend’s, that would probably fit me better. You’re taller than me.”

Lenny feels like she’s been thrust outside once more, only this time without a raincoat, or any clothes for that matter. “My -- I don’t have a girlfriend,” she stutters. “You mean Calla? Calla’s my best friend.”

“I guess Calla, yeah,” the girl shrugs, running her hand through her damp hair. “The girl I saw you with last night?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s Calla. And we’re definitely not dating.” Lenny lets out a disbelieving chuckle, because – Calla? No way.

“Why not? You seemed – cozy.” The girl’s lips twitch in amusement.

“We’re long time friends,” she says, carefully settling in a chair before the girl. “I’ve known her my entire life. And – cozy? What does that even mean?”

She watches her shrug. “I don’t know. Comfortable?”

“Well. That happens when you’ve known someone for a while.”

The girl scoffs. “I’ve known my sister for a while,” she tells her. “We don’t look like that.”

“Sisters and friends are two different things,” Lenny feels the need to defend her friendship. They’ve been best friends since preschool, and not once did she allow herself to embarrass Calla by being anything more than that. Sure, her friend is attractive – insanely so – and she’s the best person she knows, but she’s never stepped out of line. And now, this random stranger mistakes them for girlfriends after watching them for an hour.

“True,” the girl says. “When those friends really wanna bang.”

“That’s insane,” Lenny feels the heat rise to her cheeks. Okay, she’ll admit it – it’s not like she’s never thought of it, but -- come on. Everyone’s thought about having sex with their amazing, beautiful, funny best friend. Right?

She needs a change of subject. “I’m sorry – can you tell me your name? Mine’s Lenny.”

As per usual, when someone finds out her name, their eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Lenny? Isn’t that a boy’s name?”

“Do things still have gender, really,” Lenny muses, carefully settling in a chair before the girl and mentally high-fiving herself when she grins. “It’s Elena, but I hate it, so I shortened it to Lenny.”

“Ah. It suits you.” The girl pauses, seemingly thinking something over. “Reena.”

“It’s a beautiful name.”

Reena’s hair, still heavy with rain, falls over her shoulder when she cocks her head, studying her. “You sure I’m the one you want to be hitting on?”

“I’m sure I don’t wanna continue this conversation,” Lenny mutters, unable to fight the scowl settling over her face. Something akin to regret flashes through Reena’s eyes, and she nods, standing up and clutching Lenny’s clothes to her chest.

“I didn’t mean to offend you. Sorry. I just… tend to run my mouth when I’m out of my element. Guess I misjudged the situation.”

“I guess so,” Lenny says, but there’s no bite.

“Right. Well – I’ll go change.” With that, she turns and leaves.

“Bathroom’s down the hallway,” Lenny yells after her, but the only answer she gets is the sound of a door opening and closing.

The rain only pours harder, and doesn’t show any sign of stopping. Lenny slowly breathes in the warmth of her home as she stands before the window, watching the deserted park and glistening, trembling leaves of its trees. If she lights the candles, would it seem inappropriate? It is, after all, the perfect date night. At least in her books. Cold and awful outside, warm and toasty inside; lazy cuddles and slow, gentle touches in a messy bed full of pillows and blankets…

“I’m back,” Reena announces, jostling her out of her thoughts. Her hair’s still damp, but she looks much better now, and there’s a rosy tint to her cheeks. “I… I don’t say this often – mostly because there’s not a lot of people I can say this to, but… Thank you. Really. You didn’t have to do this.” The raw sincerity of her voice is unexpected, and Lenny swallows, trying and failing to find words to use. Come on. Anything.

“Well. I mean. I still could murder you.” Anything but that, Jesus Christ, she thinks, mortified. But Reena smirks and plops back onto the couch, fingers sliding through Rem’s fur.

“I refuse to die sober. You got anything to drink?”

As it turns out, she does. Half a bottle of red, spicy wine later, the conversation starts to flow. At first, it’s small stuff. Latest news, movies, music. Lenny’s somehow not surprised to learn their tastes are different to the point of clashing. But that doesn’t lead to any awkward silences; if anything, it fuels the dialogue. Another half gone, though, and Reena’s baby blues sparkle with curiosity. “So,” she announces, suddenly, cutting Lenny off mid-word. “Is Calla short for something?”

“No, it’s just Calla,” Lenny says, almost on autopilot, before blinking in confusion. “Wait – why?”

“Nothing.” Reena’s shrug is hilarious in the oversized hoodie she’s wearing. “It’s a beautiful name. Rare.”

“It is. It suits her,” Lenny says before she can fully process what it is she’s saying. Once her own words reach her, she shakes her head, frowning. “Why are we talking about this?”

“Why not?” Reena springs to her feet, abruptly. Lenny’s noticed she has a knack for startling people. Or she’s just easily startled. Probably the latter. She watches her as she comes up to her old record player and cocks her head to the side studying it. “What if I’m a nomadic cupid wandering the world and helping the helpless? Or a love goddess,” the last part is muttered to herself, lower, but Lenny still hears. “I like that better. Yeah. Love goddess.”

“I’m not helpless,” Lenny states. “And you’re drunk.”

“Maybe. Does it matter?” Reena fishes out a vinyl record and puts it on, not stumbling once. Slow, steady beats fill the room, along with a soft bass, and Lenny releases a tense breath as she recognizes the song. “This. I think this suits us right now.”

“Us?” Lenny feels her brow raise of its own accord, but Reena only laughs.

“Don’t change the subject. Calla is a beautiful name.”

“I thought we already established that.” She watches Reena gently sway to Stevie’s velvet vocals as they pour from the player and seemingly envelop her entire being.

“Yes. And you said it suits her because she’s beautiful, too. Do you think she’s beautiful?”

“Do you always play cupid when you’re drunk?” The light from the lamppost outside and the darkness of the apartment perfectly clash on Reena’s face, making one eye shine brighter than the other, and Lenny suddenly thinks back to her first – or was it second – insane thought she’s had when she saw her dark, unmoving figure in the park. Fae, luring you in.

Or bringing you to a realization you wouldn’t have reached on your own.

She shakes her head while Reena chuckles. “Not really,” she answers her previous question. “It’s just… Sometimes it’s easier to spill your guts out to a complete stranger, and, well – I gotta repay you somehow for shelter and drinks.”

Lenny decides to play the game Reena’s offering, then. Or something like that. “Who are you waiting for every night?”

Blue eyes sharpen, for a fraction of a second. “Do you think Calla’s beautiful?”

It’s after a short, tense pause that Lenny replies, and her voice is soft. “I’d have to be blind not to.” There is a part of her – and she’s not sure whether it’s a part she’s been burying, or a part that’s been sleeping and she had no idea about, or it’s a new, unexplored part, but – there’s a part of her that’s raising its head, slowly, tentatively, and looking around and taking everything in and smiling, wider and wider. Maybe Reena is onto something with this whole perfect strangers deal. Maybe.

Reena’s smirk is quick. “I have a sister,” she says. “At least – I hope I still have a sister. She told me to wait for her here, where we grew up playing. She’ll take me with her. I just have to wait.”

Dreams has long since faded into the crackling of vinyl, indicating the end of record. Lenny climbs to her feet and slowly comes up to the player, watching Reena’s tense posture as she flips the vinyl. “I used to love this song,” her guest says when Rhiannon starts filling the room.

Lenny decides she’ll ask about the past tense later. “Are you and your sister in trouble?”

“You could say that,” a careless shoulder shrug lets her know she won’t get anything out of her. “I’ll have to go soon.” Blue eyes meet hers, and Lenny’s struck with the realization that Reena wasn’t really drunk this entire time. “When I do, give it another thought.”

“Me and Calla? Why do you – care so much about that?” This is more than a little bizarre. Lenny’s been waiting to wake up drenched in cold sweat alone in her bed for the past ten minutes.

“You looked happy,” Reena replies simply. Almost childlike. Lenny finds herself wondering about her actual age. “I could use some happiness. Even if it’s not in my life. Even if it’s just the knowledge of someone -- being happy. You know?”

“No,” Lenny says truthfully. “Not really. But I will think about it. I probably won’t be able to think about anything else for the next couple of months.”

“Good.” Reena glances past her shoulder, then, and her eyes grow just a touch wider as a new kind of smile graces her lips. “You know,” she muses, still not looking at her. “I think I’m almost sad I won’t see you again.”

Lenny expects to see a dark figure when she turns around and looks out the window. There, next to Reena’s bench, stands a tall, slim girl, and the way she waves, once, lazily, leaves no doubt in her mind that she knows she’s being watched. And she knows where Reena is.

She’ll need more wine after this.

“Really gotta go now,” Reena tells her as she quickly changes back into her soaked clothes. Rem, who’s been napping on the couch while they drank, is now wide awake as she jumps around Reena, thinking they are going outside. She laughs. “No, bud, you’re staying. I’ll miss you.” Then, she looks at Lenny, and there’s unfamiliar warmth in her gaze that spreads through Lenny’s veins. “Have a good life, Elena. I know – you hate that, but – guess I just felt like saying your actual name.”

“Wait!” Lenny’s head spins as she clumsily chases after her, catching her by the door. “How do I… how do I know you’re okay? That you’ll be okay?”

Reena’s smile is soft. Almost like Calla’s, Lenny catches herself thinking, and blink at the strange thought. “Guess you’ll have to trust me on that,” she tells her, and walks out with one small, final wave. Lenny watches her get in the elevator, and then rushes back inside the apartment, to the window. Seconds tick by as she watches, tense, anticipating something she’s not sure of herself. Reena’s sister still stands there. On count twelve, Reena exits the building and walks over to her, quick and purposeful. On count thirty – Lenny’s not sure why she’s still counting – she reaches her, and they embrace, the gesture familiar and relieved. And then, they walk away together. Lenny watches until they disappear behind the tall, dark trees – until the wall of rain separates her from ever finding out Reena’s story.

She’s not sure it’s a bad thing, and she’s not sure it’s a good thing. She’s also not sure what exactly she was waiting for. After all Reena’s little jokes about her being a cupid, perhaps, she half-expected her to fly away, or dissolve in the rain. Maybe she did and Lenny’s still-drunken, bewildered brain refused to process that. Maybe. All she knows is she’s gone, and there’s something she’s left behind. A new determination, or feeling – or an emotion previously buried and uncovered just now.

Lenny gulps down the rest of her wine and stumbles to bed, passing out as soon as her head hits the pillow.

Waking up early is always a task next to impossible for someone who works from home. Or Lenny is the minority and everyone’s got their shit together, springing up at seven am and running ten miles with their dog and saving a couple of babies from burning houses while she struggles to keep her eyes open.

All she needs to do is get out of bed. The battle’s won when she drags herself to the shower. After that it’s significantly easier to function. Take Rem out for a short walk – they’ll go for a long, exercise-filled one after lunch. Cook breakfast – that’s her favorite part. Today, she decides to go for the full English. All she’s missing are mushrooms, but that’s nothing a quick grocery run won’t fix. Then, text Calla. And get to work. The usual morning routine.

Calla. The drop of her stomach at the name is as sudden as it is, paradoxically, pleasant. She realizes she hasn’t seen her in a while, before realizing that three days is not a while for normal people. But the pull in her chest is too strong to either ignore or give it much rational thought. So she acts.

“Hey,” Calla’s voice is pleasantly surprised. “What’s up?”

“Wanna get breakfast with me?” Lenny blurts out in lieu of greeting. She imagines Calla’s hazel eyes widening ever so slightly as she bites her the inside of her cheek, like she always does when she has to think something through.

The pull in her chest grows stronger.

“Sure,” she finally hears her reply. “Would love to put that flexible schedule to the test.”

Lenny laughs. “You spend two hours a day at the office at most. Pretty sure you’ve been testing that schedule this entire time.”

She can practically see Calla’s careless shrug. “I’m a photographer. An artist. A free spirit.”

“And I support that. Meet you at Sadelle’s in an hour?”

She can always hear when Calla’s smiling, and today’s no exception. “Sounds good. See you soon.”

“So what’s up with that girl?”

Lenny bites into her bagel and slowly chews as she regards her friend. “What girl?”

Calla rolls her eyes at her. “The one you wouldn’t shut up about,” she says, sounding mildly annoyed. “She’s still on that bench?”

“Oh,” she raises her eyebrows as she remembers. Right. The girl. “Um, she left with some girl last night. Probably the one she was waiting for this whole time.”

“Weird,” Calla comments as she watches her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” she takes a sip of her coffee. Calla’s still staring at her, as if not quite believing what she’s saying. “What?”

“Well, you were pretty hung up on that chick, and now you couldn’t care less.”

Hung up. Huh. Oh, she thinks she remembers being weird about it – but what else is new. It’s all kind of hazy, now. Perhaps, that was a short moment of insanity and childish infatuation. “I mean, I barely knew her,” she shrugs. “I didn’t, in fact, know her at all. The whole thing was dumb.”

“Wow.” Calla smiles, slowly. “I have to say, I’m impressed.”

“If you’re that easily impressed, you’d love dating me,” Lenny laughs, but cuts herself off when she realizes what she’s just said. Calla doesn’t seem to mind it, though, only rolling her eyes as she chuckles along.

“You’re so wrong,” she says. Before Lenny has a chance to overreact and start freaking out internally that Calla wouldn’t love dating her – and why would she, since they are friends – Calla continues. “Anyone would love to date you cause you’re awesome. You just need to realize it.”

She blinks. Watches Calla noisily sip the remainders of her milkshake through the straw, feels her lips stretch in a slow, amused smile. “Same,” she says.

“Please. I am fully aware of my awesomeness.”

“No, I meant – you’re awesome, too,” Lenny laughs. “Thanks for spoiling the moment we were about to have.”

“We’ll have plenty more,” Calla waves her off.

“Yeah,” Lenny says, slowly. “We will.” The words form in her mind, almost of their own accord. Just like the feeling she woke up with today and couldn’t quite place her finger on it. And didn’t really want to, in all honesty. She just let it wash over her and dictate her actions, she realizes. It didn’t feel weird, or confusing, or sudden. If anything, it felt right. And right now, she’s letting it speak for her, and that feels right, too.

“Do you--” the words get caught in her throat when hazel eyes meet hers, expectant. Because of how -- unguarded they are. How relaxed, and trusting, and soft. “Do you wanna maybe get coffee sometime?”

Calla tilts her head, just like Rem does when she doesn’t understand what Lenny’s trying to say. “Like what we’re doing right now?” She asks.

“No.” Lenny feels her smile grow in realization. “Not like what we’re doing right now. More like – like a date kind of thing. A proper date.”

She’s never seen Calla’s eyes widen this big before. “You’re… asking me out,” she says, slowly.

“I guess I am. No. I am.” She licks her lips before smiling. “What do you say?”

“I – this is… wow,” Calla manages, and Lenny nods. She feels like laughing. She feels like springing to her feet and sweeping Calla off hers and twirling her around until they collapse in a heap of giggles and limbs, and then--

Calla takes a deep breath. She doesn’t look as ecstatic as Lenny feels, and her excitement fades at seeing a concerned frown on her friend’s face. “You know, I’m gonna be honest with you, since it probably took a lot of courage for you to say this. I, um - I’ve thought about -- this,” she gestures between them, before sighing. “Not like – I don’t think I was pining after you or anything. I mean, I know I wasn’t. I was just… wondering, sometimes. But you were always…”

“Chasing dreams?” Lenny finishes when Calla trails off, and smiles when she nods. “I think I’m done with that.”

“You think? Well, have you thought this through?” Calla brushes her blonde curls away from her face, suddenly impatient. “Because I can’t be your fabricated reality. I can’t be – another fantasy. I won’t lose you over that when you realize that’s all it was and push me away. I don’t wanna – ugh,” she rolls her eyes, looking annoyed. “I like, really need you in my life, okay? And I don’t want to be a weird rebound after that bench girl.”

“You’re not,” Lenny says eagerly. “I told you – I didn’t even know her. And I know I’m always constructing these… mirages in my head, but this - this isn’t a fluke. This is real, okay? I’ve known you practically my entire life. I know you. I need you, and I… I want you. I think this is – it’s the most real thing I’ve felt in a long while.” She’s surprised by her own revelation. By how honest it feels, and raw, and vulnerable, and good.

“The realest.”

“What?”

“Shouldn’t it be the realest? I mean, for someone who makes their living writing…”

She feels the corners of her lips twitch in an amused smile. “You’re deflecting.”

“Maybe.” Calla blows out a sigh. “This is just – super sudden.”

“I know.” She swallows. “I’m not expecting an answer right now. Just – promise me you’ll think about it. And if you want to forget it ever happened and move past this, we can do that.” It’ll hurt and it’ll suck, but she’ll move on if that’s what Calla wants. Just like Calla said, she won’t lose her over this. She’d rather have her in any capacity she’ll allow than not have her at all.

“I don’t think I can forget,” Calla snorts. “This really ties in with a couple of very confusing dreams and that one time we got drunk…”

Lenny feels the heat rush to her cheeks. “We just cuddled,” she attempts to defend herself. God knows why because that one time is working in her favor yet she won’t let it.

“If any of my boyfriends or girlfriends cuddled me like that, maybe I wouldn’t be single right now,” Calla retorts. There’s the usual sparkling mirth back in her eyes, and Lenny allows relief to curse through her veins as she takes her smirking face in. Her beautiful face.

Calla is a beautiful name. It suits her.

She’s so focused on the thought she almost misses it when Calla glances at her watch. “Shit. There’s this dumb meeting I gotta get to,” she tells her. But, before Lenny has a chance to deflate with disappointment and embarrassment, her gaze turns determined. “Tonight. Pick me up at eight.” She springs to her feet and grins at her as she shoulders her bag. It’s one of her infamous flirtatious grins, somehow both impish and innocent as she gazes at her through her lashes. She’s seen those – hell, she’s been on the receiving end of those more than a handful of times, and seriously, why’d it take her this long?

“Just like that?” She calls after her, feeling her own wide grin nearly splitting her face. Calla throws a glance over her shoulder, pausing her step.

‘Think we’ve waited long enough,” she tells her. “Don’t you?” With that, she turns to walk away, but Lenny calls after her one last time.

“Hey Calla?” She waits until she looks at her again, and tries to look as serious as possible. “I won’t hurt you. I would never hurt you.”

She’s rarely vulnerable, she knows that. That’s what makes those fleeting moments all the more precious. “I know.”

Lenny leans back in her chair as she watches her walk away, and takes a deep breath as nerves wash over her. She’s got a date to plan, and it’s gotta be the best damn date both of them have ever been on. Tonight, she thinks wildly. Alright. Tonight.

Somewhere at one of the hundreds of faceless gas stations, Reena climbs back in the car and turns up the volume, grinning, as the familiar song comes on the radio.

patreon | ko-fi

#faeverse #wlw drabble #LGBT books #lesbian fiction #short story

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wheresmyletterhogwarts · 4 years

Text

Ron Weasley-Yule Ball Part 1

Lol this is probably really bad but here we are!

It’d been towards the end of third year. It seemed the friend group was falling apart around you, Ron blaming Hermione for Scabber’s disappearance, Harry upset Hermione had the Firebolt confiscated, and Hermione a bundle of stress every minute of the day. The tension had driven a wedge between almost all of you. But you and Ron stayed just the same. You even got closer, you thought. And that night, Ron had been hopelessly searching for Scabbers in the hallway when you stumbled upon him. His red hair was mussed all about his head and he wore an old sweater Molly had made him. Your heart nearly tugged out of your chest as he softly clicked his tongue, calling for the rat.

“Find anything yet?” You asked.

Ron nearly jumped from the floor, swearing, before looking up at you. It took a moment before he responded and he stood. “No.” He swiped the dust off his sleep pants. “I shouldn’t bother anymore, right?” He paused. You didn’t know if he wanted you to answer. You took a step forward. “Harry says I shouldn’t. It was just a dumb rat, after all.”

“He,” you emphasized as you walked closer to Ron, “was your only friend and you know it.” You smirked up at him—it was crazy how tall he’d gotten over the summer holidays—and he scoffed, a concealed smile barely visible in the dark. “You’ll find him, Ron.”

“Not if Hermione’s demon cat ate him.” You stiffened at that comment. Though Hermione had been almost avoiding the group completely, you weren’t exactly eager to jump into her fight with Ron.

“Let’s keep looking,” you said. “We’ll look as long as we have to. Dumb pest has to be around here somewhere.” Ron chuckled a little and again, your heart performed some Olympic level flips in your chest. You scolded yourself, and dropped lower to the ground, calling for Scabbers. Ron would never admit it, he’d much sooner damn the rat to the deepest pits of hell, in fact, but he was rather attached to Scabbers. You’d seen him plenty of times sneaking him into class in one of his robe pockets, passing him bits of cheese and dried fruit he’d kept from meals. It must have been killing him to not know where the rat was, let alone if it was still alive.

You both searched in silence for well over an hour. It was rather boring, but every time you almost went to leave your eyes found the red-headed boy crouched beside you. Through the darkness you could see the furrowed brows, lip trapped between his teeth, and anxious eyes. Even if you didn’t have the stubborn affection for the boy, you couldn’t have left him like that. Eventually though, Ron stopped. The two of you had shuffled through dozens of hallways, far from the Gryffindor dormitories, and if Filch and that cat found you, you’d have detention for the next month at least.

Ron turned to you, rocking from his shins to sit back against the wall. You maneuvered next to him. Your shoulders pressed together and you could hear his uneven breathing.

“We should go back.” He turned his head to face you and it suddenly hit you how close you two were.

“You sure?” You asked. Just a moment before you’d cursed your lack of self-control for keeping you out this late, crawling around looking for a mangy rat. Now though, you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness this time with Ron would end.

He nodded. “We can look tomorrow.” He smiled a little, and though you knew he wasn’t at all happy you two hadn’t found the rat, your heart beat a little faster at the promise of more time searching with him.

“Sounds great,” you smiled back at him.

The walk back to the dormitories was silent, not because you two had nothing to talk about, but because you knew that if Filch found you there would be no late-night rat hunts for a very long time. You wouldn’t give up the chance to do this again for the world. Finally, you’d reach the common room, and as you began to walk up the stairs to your room Ron called your name.

You turned with your hand still on the railing, “yeah?”

“Uh, thank you.” He stood behind a couch, his hands fidgeting on the back of it. “Thanks for the help. It was um,” he paused and you could feel your heart beating fast against your ribs, “less worse with you there.”

“No problem.” You smiled at him and continued up the stairs.

Less worse? That was neither grammatically correct or anything close to what you’d been secretly hoping to hear. A seed of disappointment had blossomed in you, but it was hardly enough to overcome the whole evening. Even if Ron only thought of you as a friend, which had already been clear and was reinforced by the goodbye, tonight was enough. It was enough. You kept repeating that as you walked up the stairs and it almost completely appeased the ache in your chest.

Hermione had been awake when you reached the room, waiting for you, and with the glow of the evening mixed with the pang of “less worse” hanging around you, you poured out all the feelings you’d been subject to since meeting the ginger on the first day of school.

That had been a little less than a year ago. And Ron had only gotten more attractive, more all-consuming, and more unattainable. You never got to search with Ron again, as he found Scabbers just the next day, and neither of you had ever brought the night up again. If Hermione hadn’t been awake that night, you were sure you would’ve been convinced it was all a dream by now.

Hermione sat beside you, bent over a book as she murmured the words aloud to herself. She still hadn’t touched her plate and already you, Harry, and Ron had finished your last helpings. This wasn’t altogether unusual, however. You smiled as you watched Ron eye the roast beef dish in front of him. He was sure to go back for more.

“’Mione,” Harry stretched back in his chair, “eat something or your stomach will be growling all through potions.” The brunette tossed him a look and set back into her book. He turned to Ron and grumbled something about Snape docking Gryffindor if her stomach does growl in class. You chuckled to yourself and started stacking your dishes, a habit Hermione had tried to instill in basically the entire student body, to make the house elves’ jobs easier during cleanup. It’d only really stuck with you.

Ron frowned at his plate. “I asked a Hufflepuff to the Yule Ball today.” Crap. Hermione tensed next to you, turning from her book for the smallest split second to gauge your reaction.

“What does she look like?” Harry asked, sipping from his glass of pumpkin juice. Harry didn’t know about your very unfortunate liking for Ron. It was better that way, sometimes you even wished Hermione didn’t know. It’d be much easier to forget if she wasn’t always checking in about it.

Ron shrugged. “Blonde, short. I don’t know, she was the first girl I saw in the hallway.” Charming.

“So,” you swallowed the unreasonable amount of dread in your throat, “did she say yes?” You shouldn’t be this worked up about this. He asked a girl he probably doesn’t even know the name of. Somehow, though, that makes the pressure in your chest twist tighter. He’d ask a stranger and not you.

“No, she has a date already. Going with some other Hufflepuff, had a stupid name.”

You absolutely hated the way relief flooded through you. You despised it. Here was your best friend, upset, albeit ridiculously, that he couldn’t find a date, and you were happy he’d been turned down. It was awful. But you still couldn’t find it in you to feel badly about it.

It was later that night, sitting on Hermione’s bed and talking with her as she proof-read her essay for the fourth time, you voiced a thought you’d buried deep inside of your mind.

“Everyone’s in such a fuss about the ball,” Hermione dashed her quill through an offending phrase. “About a dozen girls asked me if I had a date.” She huffed a little, rolling her eyes. “As if that’s any of their business.”

You weren’t really that upset about all the attention the ball was getting. You might even have been one of the girls Hermione was complaining about if you would be going with Ron.

“Jokes on them,” you said to her. “They’ll be stuck slow-dancing with some guy while you and I raid the desert table.” You winked at her. It’d been a long-standing joke and plan, partly to distract yourself from who you really wanted to go with, and mostly because Hermione was your absolute best friend, that the two of you would go to the ball together and only eat food, avoiding boys and dancing altogether. So, you were surprised at the way her neck and cheeks flushed.

“Unfortunately, I think we might have to factor at least one dance with a boy into those plans,” Hermione said. It took you a moment, but when you understand what she meant you almost screamed.

“Hermione! You have a date?”

“Yes, I do,” she smiled slightly. It was just like Hermione, to be calm, cool, and collected in every situation. But the teenage girl in her showed through as she set her quill down and smiled softly at you, a blush warming her face. “Victor Krum asked me this morning.”

You couldn’t contain your grin as you tackled Hermione in a hug. You didn’t think she’d be necessarily happy at that response, but you could hear her laugh as you pulled away. She was really happy. “Hermione that’s great.”

“I don’t know why you’re so surprised!” She was smirking. “You’ve no faith in my feminine abilities.”

You laughed. “I must say, I’ll miss you at the desert table, but I think being able to live vicariously through you as you dance with your Durmstrang will make up for it.” You’d meant it as a joke, but Hermione’s smile wavered.

“Have you been asked yet?”

You laughed a little. “Ron hasn’t exactly mentioned anything, no.”

“Y/N, I mean by someone else.”

“Well, Nick Raywood did. But I said no.”

“Oh, Y/N, why?”

You paused. You knew why not, you’d run it over in your head a million times before, but you also knew Hermione wouldn’t understand. She was your best friend though, and she was waiting for an answer. “Well, Ron doesn’t have a date yet.” Hermione frowned. She knew where this was going. “And, maybe if he can’t find one, he’ll finally ask me.” She opened her mouth, about to cut in. “And I know, ‘Mione, I know that it wouldn’t be a date. We’d go as friends and just hang out with you and Harry and everyone else but I’m okay with that. It’s enough.” You paused, repeating it in your head before repeating it again, aloud. “It’s honestly enough for me.”

“That’s not enough and you know it,” she said. “Y/N, you deserve better than a guy who only thinks of you as a friend. You deserve love.”

You can feel your stomach turn and you paste a smile to your face, a joking tone to your voice. “Hermione, we’re still in school it’s really not that serious.”

“You know what I mean.” And you did. As usual, she had a point and that point was absolutely right. “Wouldn’t you rather go to the ball with a guy like Nick who actually wants to go with you?”

“Maybe,” I said.

Hermione looked down at her deserted essay. “I think we’re going to have to talk about something a little less dramatic if I’m ever going to turn this in.” You both chuckled a little, neither one completely past the conversation yet, but by the end of the night you’d fallen asleep with a smile on your face.

The next day Harry and Ron were still searching for dates. Naturally, that meant Ron still hadn’t asked you. Nick Raywood was sitting at the Ravenclaw table, laughing with some friends thoughout dinner and you couldn’t help but glance over at him a few times. Nick was attractive and nice. The type of guy that was always uplifting the people around him. When he’d asked you earlier that week, he’d smiled and complimented your hair. He was nice, he was cute, he was interested.

And Hermione had never been wrong before, had she?

Your mind was made up just as the boys and Hermione stood to leave.

“You coming, Y/N?” Ron asked, looking down at you. Hermione quickly scolded him and stacked his dishes up.

“Um,” you watched Nick’s friends begin to leave. Nick was still sitting, finishing his dinner. If you stayed, maybe you could catch him alone on his way out. Save yourself any embarrassment of being turned down in front of people. “No, I have to uh,” your eyes searched the room, looking for some sort of excuse. Your eyes landed on the twins. “I have to talk to Fred about something.” Harry and Ron lifted their eyebrows, but didn’t say much. It wasn’t at all unusual for you to talk to one or both of the twins, but it was strange for you to actually have a reason to talk to them. If Hermione knew why you were actually staying she didn’t say, but she quickly ushered the boys to the common room and you were thankful for that.

You felt vaguely stalkerish waiting for Nick to finish eating. You tried not to completely stare at him, but as you were no longer hungry and almost all of the Gryffindors around you had left, you were left with little else to do.

It felt like forever before you saw Nick begin to gather himself up. You almost laughed when he stacked his dishes—Hermione must have gotten to him too. Quickly, you began leaving too and were glad when the few friends Nick was leaving with turned to opposite way in the hallway.

You moved up so that you were walking next to him. “Hi, Nick.” You smiled up at him. He was taller than Ron. A little too tall, if you were being honest.

“Y/N!” He grinned back at you.

“Uh, where are you headed?”

“Ravenclaw common room.” He high-fived an older Ravenclaw in the hallway before turning back to you. It was slightly unnerving how he walked, facing you, and didn’t run into anyone.

“Oh, me too,” you said.

“You’re going to the Ravenclaw common room?” He looked genuinely confused.

“Crap, uh, no. I mean mine. Gryffindor.” He let out a solid laugh and you chuckled a little. Crap, this was awkward. But Hermione was right. You had to do this.

“Uh, Nick, I have a kind of weird question.”

“Ask away.”

“Do you have a date yet to the Yule Ball?”

He slowed to a halt. “Well, no.” He chuckled almost silently.

You shouldn’t have been so disappointed. That was stupid, you thought. “Oh, um, well would you still like to go with me?”

For the first time in all your years at Hogwarts you say Nick Raywood frown. It was a very strange sight. “I asked you earlier this week if you wanted to go with me. Why didn’t you say yes then?”

You didn’t like lying. It wasn’t something you ever were okay with doing and your head had already begun to ache from lying to Ron earlier. But you couldn’t exactly tell Nick that you wanted to go with him to get over the guy that would never ask you to the ball. So, you lie. “I just, I was really nervous. I, um, never expected you’d want to go with me.” He still didn’t look sold. “I thought it was a joke, to be honest.”

His eyes softened and he turned to face you completely. “I’m really sorry you would think I would do that. But I’d love to go with you, Y/N.” The two of you sorted out details of when and where to meet before going to the ball, and when you parted, he left a kiss on your cheek that made your skin crawl with guilt.

When you returned to the common room, you found Harry and Ron upset, and a missing Hermione.

“What happened to you two?” You ask, dropping into the seat across from them.

Harry’s arms were crossed. “How am I supposed to lead in the first dance with no date?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have turned all those girls down,” you said. He shot you a look. Beside him, Ron is frowning at you. “Ron?”

He didn’t respond at first, just uncrossed his arms and tucked his hands beneath his legs. “Will you go to the ball with me, Y/N?”

You’d pictured him saying those words a hundred times in the past week. You’d even expected those words a few times. “What?”

You hated how collected he was. How put together and at ease. Nothing about this was scary to him but he’d been shaking asking other girls. “Go to the ball with me. You don’t have a date, I don’t have a date. Just as friends.” A part of you had almost said yes. Screw Nick, screw Hermione’s advice! Because Ron finally asked you to the ball. But those last three words crushed you. And though you’d been reminding yourself all night that you didn’t want to go with a guy who didn’t feel the same way, you finally understood why you couldn’t go with Ron.

You’re not sure how you do it because it takes every last ounce of strength and will power in you, but you shake your head. “No, Ron. I have a date.”

You don’t remember what he says or what you say as you trail up the stairs. You also don’t remember if the cries you heard as you fell asleep were Hermione’s or yours. Maybe it was both.

#ronweasley #ron weasley x reader #hermionegranger #harrypotter #harrypotterimagine #ronweasleyimagine #yuleballimagine #jealousronweasley

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mysmedrabbles · 5 years

Text

Seven Reacting to MC Being an Orphan

requested: by anon

a/n: I went quite ham on this one,,,, im just so soft for the Choi family y’all also at this point im just living vicariously through these asks rip. if you'd like to support me click here!

warnings: small portion dealing with (his) abuse but rest is just,,, fluff :’)

-hhhhh mod alex

-he had the basic knowledge of your past from his background check of you from when you first entered the chatroom, but hearing you talk about it in real life,, it’s different

-he feels a sort of emptiness in his chest where your words go, a sort of deep understanding that can never be caught by anyone who hadn’t been a victim of abuse or neglect.

-he takes your hand, kissing your knuckles gently, and you can faintly see tears forming at the corners of his eyes as he looks up at you, but it’s not tears of pity, he knows better than that. His eyes show only regret, and pain as your story mirrored his, and anger at the unfairness of cards that life had dealt with

-that night, as you fall asleep cuddled against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, you can hear him whispering to nothing, almost inaudibly, “Dear god, please never let mc go through something this bad again. let me take her pain, as long as she’s untouched by her past, i’m willing to bear any torture, just,” his voice cracks, and in the back of his head he hears his mothers screaming, feels the sharp beatings, ribs cracking under polished heels, “please never let her feel pain again.”

-he closes his eyes and tries to focus on your hand on his chest, fingers interlacing with his, head slowly rising up and down with his own chest rising and falling, giving you one last kiss on the top of your head before he falls asleep.

-with most things, you’d expect saeyoung to approach it with humor, but in this case he knows that he needs to take it seriously. you’d lost a huge part of your life and needed it back.

-which is why you woke up the next day to find saeyoung sporting a blonde wig and cheerleaders outfit as he poked you awake with his phone

- “sae, what the fuck?”

- “ohhh my god mc you’ll Never guess what Becky said to Brandon last night.” he said in his best teenage girl voice

-you rolled over and away from him, clearly annoyed as you tossed his own pillow at him, it hitting the floor with a thud, “what the hell are you doing saeyoung,” you mumbled angrily into your mattress, and you feel his weight shift from one side to the other, and opening your eyes you see his grinning face in front of yours

- “giving you your childhood back!,” he stands up, bouncing on the mattress before jumping off, shouting, “get dressed we’re going to go find some childhood today!” as he naruto runs out the bedroom door, and in the distance you can hear a Very Startled Saeran as Saeyoung delivers the same message to his brother. hearing Saeyoung yell in pain, you smile, figuring Saeran managed to hit Saeyoung.

-sibling day + mc!!

-going to see a anti drug assembly in the local elementary school, Saeyoung having called ahead pretending to be a concerned father, saying that he wanted to come to the school to see what they were teaching his child, and of course he was going to bring his wife and brother.

-the three of you sneak out of the assembly, Saeran grumbling the whole way, forming a human chain as all three of you hold hands, Saeyoung sneaking the two of you into the book fair.

-saeyoung gestures grandly to the two of you, telling you to take whatever you wanted

- “saeyoung im not going to steal from an elementary school.” you say crossly.

-feigning hurt, he pulls out his wallet, looking at you with faux sad eyes, “I can’t believe you think so lowly of me mc, of course I’m paying for all of this”

-oh shit oh boy

-you buy all those little knickknacks and slap on bracelets and funny pencils you’d always wanted to buy as a kid, and feeling only slightly guilty as you take them. you knew he was going to pay for them, but it still felt off to do something you never had the access to as a child. you move onto the books, where Saeran already has a stack of magical girl power and comic books in his arms, staring in wonder as he sees the posters.

-when the three of you are finally finished, saeyoung drops $200 on the cash register, attaching a note that lists out what you guys had bought with a small thank you at the bottom

-next destination! the ice cream parlor!

-saeran can barely handle going to the ice cream shop finally, with nothing tying him down, no fear of having to run back home and hide all evidence of having fun, he can be himself, even laughing when you poke at him with an odd twisty pencil.

-saeyoung comes back with the largest ice cream sundae you both had ever seen, sharing it between the three of you as you made jokes and enjoyed the warm summer breeze.

-he smiled, looking at you and his brother, the unguarded look of pure happiness on both of your faces. he knew that nothing could make up for the years any of the three of you had endured alone and or abused, but he knew he could at least try to give the two people he loved most some experiences that popular media deemed “for the young’uns”

-he finishes the day off with going to the park, letting saeran roam free and collect pinecones as the two of you went over to the playground. it being already quite late, there weren't many kids on the playground, leaving the swings free.

-the two of you sit on the swings, swaying to each other as you watch Saeran be mesmerized by the sand on the slide.

-he catches your hand in his, pulling you and your seat closer, looking the most serious he had all day.

- “MC... I know you grew up in terrible conditions,, Saeran and I understand that completely. But know that you’ll always have us, we’re your family,, and Vanderwood of course,” he chuckled as he continued, “we’ll always remain by our side as long as you promise to stay by ours... MC...” he paused, as if to say something else, but broke out into a cheesy grin instead, “MC you have a leaf in your hair.”

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twilightofthe · 4 years

Note

Tell me ALL your SW faves

Aaaaaa thank you! This took a while cuz this got long, lol sorry! Aight, so here’s ALL my SW faves for this ask prompt list!

FAVE MOVIE: Revenge of the Sith. 10000%. It just has everything! You get to see the Obikin relationship in all its glory, first and foremost, how much those two loved each other more than anything and knew each other better than anyone, and just how much they genuinely got along and then we got our hearts broken watching them have to fight after Anakin made his Goof Of The Millennium and just oooooof all the feels about my boys! Seeing Padmé and just loving her so gotdang much for being strong and wanting the best life for everyone, all while she was so scared and had so little support from anyone, and just couldn’t do it in the end. Seeing the end of the Republic, how after a thousand years, just, *poof*, just like that in like two days (yes, I know Sidious was planning it for over a decade but still), the horrific fascination on how Sidious was able to do that. Just the brilliance of Sheev’s character, how you despise him, but how brilliantly everything was pulled off. The angst of Order 66, how especially after TCW you love these characters SO MUCH and then you gotta watch them DIE HORRIBLY BY THOSE THEY TRUSTED, THOSE WHO NEVER HAD A CHOICE EITHER. Did I mention feeling so freaking bad for Obi Wan and his Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day??? Because I really do, he’s so good and kind and we see his life fall apart and ugh I love him. And y’all, watching Anakin Skywalker fall from grace like the brightest angel he was, you hate him for what he did, but you still can’t help but love him and cry for him and his loss because he was so good, and he did not deserve all this to happen to him but he did it to HIMSELF AAAAGGHHHH. Also, Obes and Ani were at peak prettiness this movie!! Just asdfkjglkdskajsrlk best movie love so diggity dang much

FAVE PAIRING: Oh, how EVER will I choose– Obikin. It’s Obikin, all the way, no contest. I know I’ve yelled about it a million and one times so I’ll save y’all the rant on how much I adore these disasters and their relationship and how I think they’re goddamn soulmates and the most interesting dynamic in the entire Saga. I ship them romantically and platonically and just everything, they’re so fucking important to one another and that’s why it hurts so much to watch them fall apart, and that’s why I’m so incredibly happy that they get to canONICALLY SPEND THEIR ENTIRE AFTERLIFE TOGETHER BECAUSE FORCE GHOSTS HELL YEAH. If I had to pick just secondary fave romantic and platonic relationships, hmmmm that’s hard. BUT, I’m gonna have to go with Kanera for romantic; SWR was what got me back into Star Wars and one of my favorite parts of it was watching Kanan and Hera, how much I loved them separately, but just how much they were a team together and I love them and I was unbelievably upset when Jedi Night happened (and I still have a rant about how animated Star Wars kills off their romantic couples in the exact same manner, pls ask me about how TCW’s The Lawless and Rebels’ Jedi Night had basically all of the same plot points that ended in killing off a romantic lead). For other fave platonic relationship, gonna have to go with Luke/Han/Leia BROT3 (separate from Hanleia as a romance, which is probs my 3rd fave). These disasters were the original Golden Trio, they saved the galaxy together all while yelling dramatically and having each other’s backs to the bitter end (or, at least ‘till the end of ROTJ lol) and I just love them as a team so dang much

FAVE TV SHOW EPISODE: Okay, since there are four TV shows, it’s only fair for me to pick one (or more don’t judge me) from each! Let’s see, from The Clone Wars, my fave eps have to be the entire Mortis trilogy arc in S3 because Obes/Ani/Snips family dynamic, Force Shenanigans, BEAUTIFUL scene designs, Anakin angst, just so many good things oof, and also Dooku Captured from S1, which I just adore because Obikin snark, annoying Grandpa Dooku, Hondo Fucking Ohnaka making everyone look so bad at their jobs, I just love it agh. Whoops that was technically four faves, so gotta do four for Rebels too! Gonna go wiiiiith World Between Worlds from S4 for Badass Ahsoka Tano, Ezra being brave and talented, Sheev being Absolutely Ridiculous, and just the overall Force Shenanigans cuz canon time travel y’all; The Lost Commanders from S2 because Rex is awesome, Kanan angst, and really good Kanan and Ezra bonding and Jedi awesomeness, Fire Across the Galaxy from S1 because of Ghost fam dynamics, Kanan angst, more Kanan and Ezra bonding, and just good stuff, and Twilight of the Apprentice in S2 (lol what about my username?) for being creepy and cool and maKING ME CRY ANAKIN YOU STUPID THRICE COOKED TOILET SEAT LEAVE AHSOKA ALONE. *cough* Ok, fine, I’ll stick with only one ep for the other two series. For Resistance, gonna have to go with the latest ep, actually! We get to see Kaz being clever and caring about his fam on the Colossus, really cool designs for Aeos and its people, Tam angst, and just everyone shining! For The Mandalorian, it’s gotta be the finale, Redemption, we get Din name, Armorer kicking everyones asses and me loving it, BABY YODA DOING THE HAND WAVE, Din getting over his issues with droids and connecting with IG only for IG to FUCKING DIE, DIN AND BABY YODA BEING AN OFFICIAL CLAN OF TWO, Taika just knocking this whole episode out of the park with the funny scouttroopers at the beginning who still deserved the ass-whooping they got for fucking murdering Kuiil and hiTTING BABY YODA YOU SLIMY FUCKNUGGETS–

FAVE CHARACTER: Alright, look, I can narrow it down to FIVE and that is IT. I just love too many Star Wars characters, I can’t go lower than top five! Ok, so my four favorites are Obi Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa, Kanan Jarrus, and Finn Skywalker-Dameron-Tico (i SAID what i SAID.) AIGHT so for starters, a lot of my favorite characters in different franchises fall under various archetypes I have for faves. Obi Wan fits one of my more popular ones: “Old, reluctant and more than slightly-questionable parental badass with a mysterious past that makes you love them all the more when you realize just how beautiful and tragic and deserving-better they were when that past is revealed”. I latched onto this dude from the start when I just liked the OT (tho Leia was always my fave lol), and I wanted to know about him, and then when I finally started getting into the PT and TCW, it was just a steady stream of “oh no he’s hOT?” “oh no he’s sAD?” “oh no he’s nICE?!? REALLY FUCKING NICE AND A BIT OF A MESS HELP” and then I just totally latched on because he’s hypercompetent at literally everything and looks damn good doing it and boy do I have a thing for competence, charming as all hell and goes through so much and comes out strong despite the fact that fate hates his fucking guts and tries to destroy his life constantly and guys he tries so hard and he’s kind of messy sometimes and a bit of a dick and I love him all the more for it because he’s trying, none of that do-or-do-not shit, he is doing his damn best and deserves happiness and not Anakin tearing him apart. SPEAKING OF SAND MAN. Ugh, so I love Anakin to fucking death and that makes me REALLY MAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE MAKES EVERYONE ELSE I LIKE SAD. So I love Anakin regardless because he’s not your typical protagonist. He’s fucking brilliant, hot when he fights, is amazing at fighting and flying and building stuff and there’s that competence thing for me again, oh boy! He’s funny and kind and he cares. And somehow, this bitch manages to have the two most beautiful, amazing people in the galaxy in love with him and willing to do basically anything for him like the fuck?!? Jealous much??!?!?!?! I am!!!! He’s so fucking bright and it’s impossible to look away. He’s also a dorky, messy disaster who’s not good with people or feelings or emotions and he panics over stuff and doesn’t know self-control and is kinda really bad at his job a lot and pushes away the people who care about him and screws up literally all the fucking time and he always feels like he’s drowning and alone and I get to watch him crash and burn under the weight of it all. Basically, minus the anger issues and the child murder and the murder in general, I kinda relate a lot to Anakin. I feel like a self-hating mess who doesn’t know how to control my ow head and the world hates me a lot too. I can project my mental issues onto him, enjoy the good parts of him, live vicariously through the things he does that I can’t like be loved by pretty people and be hot and athletic and smart, and then when he crashes I can side-eye and remember that at least someone’s doing worse than me lol. So yea, I love this messy boi to death and he’s the one I get the best characterization reviews on, so I guess we have an understanding. Leia I loved since as a kid. I’d want to be her, brave, talented, smart, strong as hell and snarky to boot. I realize that Leia fits another fave character archetype of mine: “Powerful young adult raised for greatness, did not ask for all the horrible shit that’s happened to them, highkey wants a break and for the bad guys to just roll over and die, is generally clever, hypercompetent, and 100% done with everyone else’s shit, overdramatic as all hell and enjoys insulting people”. Her and Han were my first Star Wars ship and she just always made me happy seeing her kick names and take ass. She’s gone through almost as much hell or maybe more so than Obi Wan, she also keeps getting back up and fighting, she deserved SO MUCH BETTER than what the Sequel Trilogy gave her and you may quote me on that. She’s also gorgeous and I wanted to wear all of her clothes (bikini not included). I also love her relationship with Luke and I am so goddam happy it is now canon that Leia Organa did Jedi training and can use a lightsaber!!! She has a lightsaber!!!!!!!!!! Ugh oof I love her. Kanan fills the similar “mentor” archetype as Obi Wan does, but with a smidge of youth because he’s younger when he gets dropped into this role. He’s more of a punk, more of a mess, and oof. Basically I’ve said it a zillion times how Rebels resparked my love of Star Wars, but really, it was Kanan on the screen that did it. It happened when the Rebels season 3 premiere eps ended up on the TV and I saw it and I thought in order 1. holy shit that Maul fucker’s actually alive? and 2. Oh no sad blind Jedi man! He’s cool and mysterious and I want to know why he’s sad and who made him sad and also want to give him a hug!!! He was my fave character all throughout Rebels and his training dynamic with Ezra, struggling to help this kid all while flying by the seat of his pants because he had Issues and no clue what he was doing and no support and ugh, he was smart and brave and I’m so sad he’s dead and yea. Finn!!!! Last but not least!!!! He was my favorite character from The Force Awakens. People have said it before, but he was just so new, a rebel Stormtrooper stolen and brainwashed at birth, finding the good guys and fighting to do the right thing! Possibly Force Sensitive! Super duper cute!!! Funny and kind, dammit, when not many other people in the galaxy were!!!!!!!! I was so, so sure Finn was gonna be a Jedi along with Rey at some point, that might have been my biggest letdown when I saw TLJ, but ugh I just loved his enthusiasm and his war within himself, ultimately loving his friends and trying to do what was right at the risk to his own safety, even though that was why he ran scared in the first place!!!!! I shipped him with Rey and with Poe and now I am NOT above the post TROS Jedistormpilot shipping!!!!! Finn was just always the most interesting part of the Sequel Trilogy for me and I personally feel like they could have done more with his character.

FAVE ACTOR/ACTRESS: Aight, so I try my best not to “stan” anyone famous because literally no one is perfect and everyone’s done something problematic at some point and if I dare say I like a famous figure, someone’s gonna find something about them and come after me all “OMG THIS PERSON DID/SAID/IS X YOU MONSTER GO DIE!!11!!1″. In terms of performance, I think all the actors in Star Wars did a lovely job and I’m happy with all of them! If I had to crush on any, it would probs be Ewan McGregor, John Boyega, or Diego Luna cuz, uh, they hot. If I had to pick one I liked most, it would honestly probs be Carrie Fisher. Maybe that’s just partially from missing her now that she’s gone, but I really admire her advocacy and transparence for mental health, and she just seemed like such a funny, kind, strong person.

FAVE PLANET: Aight, this is HARD and I refuse to only pick one planet! Ok, gonna start off with Coruscant because an endless city planet made up of lights is amazingly gorgeous and it has a Jedi Temple stacked on top of a Sith Temple and is just so cool aaaaa. Also love Felucia just for being so bright and colorful and pretty. Mortis for being just as weirdly gorgeous and also Weird Force Shit. Lothal for the beautiful mountains, the wolves, and the fucking lightspeed center of the planet passage what, Dathomir is delightfully creepy to look at, Crait is really cool with the salt and the red and the ice foxes, Kashyyyk because Wookiees and it’s pretty and I love their treehouses. Basically if it makes me clap my dumb monkey hands and go “oooh pretty!”, I love it. The more “not like Earth” it is, the more I love it.

FAVE SPECIES: Hmmmmm, this is a tough one……. There’s just so many cool-looking species that we know so little about, ya know? I wanna say either Togrutas or Wookiees. Togrutas just because the character design is incredible and so fun to work with and also I love Ahsoka, and Wookiees because they have such an interesting culture and backstory and also I want to give Chewbacca a hug.

FAVE CONCEPT: Uhhh, not quite sure I get the question; you mean like just story concept in general? If that’s it, I’m gonna have to go with just the whole concept of the Force and the Jedi in general. I mean George, George my man, what the fuck? How the hell did you come up with this?!? Mystical psychic space wizards with magic abilities to connect with and use the sentient godlike life force that combined the entire galaxy together. Oh and also they have COLORFUL GLOWING LASER SWORDS?!?!? It’s honestly one of the most creative things I’ve seen in popular culture, and that makes me sad that Star Wars now seems to be trying to separate itself from what I think is its most interesting quality because “ugh not EVERYTHING should be about the Jedi guys!”, when like, y’all, without the Jedi, the entire SW universe is basically just another military scifi war story…… Just my opinion tho.

FAVE SHIP: Ok, since pairing was already up there, I assume this means actual ship? Well, uh, gonna have to be square with y’all, I’m a bad Star Wars fan for this part; I’ve never been the one to memorize ship names and designs and know the exact make and model number of some fancy ship, I’m real bad at that lol. I’ll say my favorite ship is the Ghost. Hera flies it and the Rebels Fam lives on it and it’s super cool and it makes me happy!

FAVE WEAPON: LIGHTSABER. LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER. LIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABER. Y’all, c’mon, what did you think I was gonna pick? xD Lizard brain want glowy shiny colorful big stick that goes whoosh!

FAVE BACKGROUND EXTRA: Again, not entirely sure what this means, but do you mean fave background character? If so, then it’s a tie between Wilrow Hood and his ice cream machine for the memes, that one clone in TCW who yeets a plate of toast at Cad Bane’s face, or that one background soldier who scoots between Han and Leia arguing in ESB and also Hera and Kanan arguing in Rebels (yes I do headcanon it’s the same guy lol)

FAVE MOMENT/SCENE: This one’s actually pretty easy. Anakin dying in Luke’s arms in ROTJ, and then his ghost showing up to Luke later at the Ewok party. I just care so ridiculously much about stupid Anakin and his stupid story and mistakes, and even before I was a prequels stan and had only seen the OT (and wasn’t a huge Vader fan, believe it or not), some part of me just felt so solemn, so fragile watching this, watching the giant monstrous machine falling apart as he fades away to reveal a weary, tired old human man, and it always made me wonder, what the hell happened to him to turn him into that thing? Seeing that young, beautiful man, basically Luke’s age, showing up as a ghost later, just the fascination, the tender look he shared with Old Ben, just how young he was, that made it all the more mysterious and knowing what I do now, it’s just so much better because my poor, horrible Disaster Man finally did the right thing and he finally found peace and it’s just the only ending I could be happy for Anakin with, And Luke, I always felt so bad for Luke, being so strong, so brave, finally getting his father back for like five damn minutes and then having to lose him again and just hurting for him but also knowing that it was gonna be okay because Luke had more family now, the ghosts, and Han and Leia and Chewie and R2 and 3PO and Lando and everyone.

FAVE KISS: Luke and Leia (HANG ON LET ME SPEAK) forehead kiss in The Last Jedi. I know (this one) isn’t meant as romantic, and I know the question is probs about a romantic one and I know that it’s not even a real mouth kiss. But. That Luke and Leia scene was my favorite part of the entire movie. Again, I was missing Carrie a lot, and ugh, after all these years, after not getting to interact the entire previous movie and not at all during this movie, the ONE scene with Carrie and Mark and the pure emotion of it all just knocked me out of my fucking seat. You could see how connected they were as siblings, how much Leia had missed Luke, how much he had missed her and how sorry he was for leaving, sorry for Ben, sorry for having to leave her again now, Leia knowing Luke was about to die, and just, acceptance. Love and acceptance. It was just a final, tender kiss on the forehead, and it was perfect and yeah. If I do have to pick a romantic lip smooch, it’s probably the Hanleia classic “scoundrel” kiss in Empire Strikes Back. I still remember watching ESB the first time as a KID and being all eeeeeeee are they gonna– YES they kissed they kissed they kissed finally! and that’s enough for me.

FAVE FIGHT: Obi Wan and Anakin on Mustafar in Revenge of the Sith. WIthout question. It’s brilliantly and precisely choreographed to show the intricate nuances of the Obikin breakup in alllllll of its painful glory. It breaks my heart every time I watch it because every time I watch it I still hope it’s gonna end differently. That Anakin realizes he can’t kill Obi Wan and ditches Sidious and goes back with Obi Wan to save Padmé. That Obi Wan realizes he can’t let Anakin die and saves him from burning and from Sidious and takes him back too. That Obi Wan at least puts Anakin out of his misery which would be godawful painful, but would save him from the horrid life as Vader. That while they’re fighting, a lava monster appears like in the concept art and Vader and Obi Wan have to put aside their differences and fight the thing and remember how much they mean to each other. But ugh, this fight was beautifully choreographed and was originally supposed to be a MULTI-MINUTE SINGLE SHOT WHAT THE HELL??? Oooof Hayden and Ewan did such an amazing job and the whole thing just rips my heart out every time in the bestworst way possible

FAVE LINE OF DIALOGUE: Now THIS is hard, I’m not the best at picking favorite lines. Hmmm, this is HARD. Let me think. Gahhhh, it’s hard because I have so many lines I like and I can’t even just narrow down a couple!!! Ultimately, it’s probably gonna be Yoda’s monologue from Empire Strikes Back: “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter…” Just that entire line saying how basically all of us are more than the sum of our parts, that everyone is their own sparkling light made of stardust, I loved it as a kid and I love it now.

FAVE BOOK/COMIC: Answered here

FAVE HERO: Gonna go with Obi Wan! I already rambled about why I love him, but y’all……. I love him.

FAVE VILLAIN: Anakin Skywalker/Darth McFucking Vader. I loved him when he was a hero and the silly poor sad boy makes me sad when I see him as a villain all while being an overdramatic asshole and it just makes me wanna hit him with a newspaper for ruining his life and everyone else’s I love him.

FAVE OUTFIT: Answered here

FAVE CREATURE: I love Lothcats/Tookas! I just heckin’ love cats and now there’s spACE KITTIES WITH SUPER FOOFY TAILS AND BIG EARS OMG Y’ALL I LOVE THEM I JUST REALLY DO AND I REALLY WANT ONE SO I CAN CUDDLE IT ;_;

WHEW. That was all of the faves, thanks so much for asking me!!! Sorry this took so long to do, this was kinda a hell week haha!

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alystayr · 4 years

Text

Playlist musicale 2020 (1/2)

Liste des chansons (playlist 2020 - part. 1)

Mise à jour : 30 juin 2020

playlist 2020 (part.2), playlist 2020 (part. 1)

playlist 2019 (part.2), playlist 2019 (part. 1)

playlist 2018 (part. 2), playlist 2018 (part. 1)

playlist 2017 (part. 2), playlist 2017 (part. 1)

playlist 2016 (part. 2), playlist 2016 (part. 1)

playlist 2015

0-9 #

2Pac (Feat. Talent) - Changes (1998)

AC/DC - Who Made Who (1986)

Jeanne Added - Before The Sun (2018)

Aerosmith - Janie's Got A Gun (1989)

The Afghan Whigs - Debonair (1993)

Damon Albarn - Everyday Robots (2014)

Alice In Chains - Would? (1992)

Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies) (2004)

Archive - Bullets (2009)

Arno - Putain Putain (1983)

Asaf Avidan - Lost Horse (2020)

the B52’s - Rock Lobster (1979)

Axel Bauer - Eteins La Lumière (1990)

Bauhaus - She's In Parties (1983)

The Beach Boys - Darlin’ (1967)

Beck - Wow (2016)

Bénabar - Dis-lui oui (2003)

Louis Bertignac - C'est fini (2018)

Björk - Oceania (2004)

Neal Black & The Healers - Before daylight (2014)

The Black Crowes - Remedy (1992)

The Black Keys - Psychotic Girl (2008)

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Let the Day Begin (2013)

blink-182 - First Date (2001)

Blur - Out Of Time (2003)

David Bowie - Modern Love (1983)

Georges Brassens - La non-demande en mariage (1966)

The Breeders - Glorious (1990)

James Brown - Living in America (from Rocky IV) (1986)

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill (1985)

The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is A Season) (1965)

Cage The Elephant (Feat. Iggy Pop) - Broken Boy (2019)

Cake - Commissioning a Symphony in C (2001)

J.J. Cale - After Midnight (1972)

Cali - Elle M'a Dit (2003)

Johnny Cash (cover Merle Travis) - Sixteen Tons (1987)

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! (2008)

Ray Charles - Georgia On My Mind (1960)

Cigarettes After Sex - You're All I Want (2020)

CocoRosie - Restless (2020)

Leonard Cohen - Happens to the Heart (2019)

Coolio (feat. L.V.) - Gangsta's Paradise (from Dangerous Minds) (1995)

The Coral - The Operator (2005)

Creedence Clearwater Revival - I Heard It Through The Grapevine (1970)

The Crimea - Opposite Ends (2005)

Christine and the Queens - La vita nuova (2020)

Crosby, Stills & Nash - Long Time Gone (1969)

Death In Vegas - Hands Around My Throat (2002)

Deftones - Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away) (1997)

Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again (1987)

dEUS - Roses (1996)

Dirty Pretty Things - Gin and Milk (2006)

Dope Lemon - Hey You (2019)

Baxter Dury - Slumlord (2019)

Jacques Dutronc - L'opportuniste (1969)

Bob Dylan - False Prophet (2020)

Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (1984)

Eels - Blinking Lights (For Me) (2005)

Billie Eilish - No Time To Die (2020)

Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky (1977)

Eminem - Darkness (2020)

Eurythmics - Sexcrime (Nineteen Eighty-Four) (1984)

Faith No More - Falling to Pieces (1989)

Mylène Farmer - Ainsi Soit Je (1988)

Feu! Chatterton - La Malinche (2015)

Izo FitzRoy - Red Line (2020)

Foals - Neptune (2019)

Peter Gabriel - Red Rain (1986)

Serge Gainsbourg - Elisa (1969)

Liam Gallagher - Once (2019)

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. (2005)

Grand Corps Malade - Je Viens De Là (2008)

La Grande Sophie - Une vie (2019)

Green Day - Father of All... (2020)

Johnny Hallyday (cover The Animals) - Le Pénitencier (1964)

George Harrison - My Sweet Lord (1970)

Murray Head - One Night In Bangkok (1984)

Heartless Bastards - Hold Your Head High (2009)

Hole - Malibu (1998)

How to Destroy Angels - The Space in Between (2010)

IAM (feat. Kalash) - Eldorado (2019)

Idir - A vava inouva (1976)

Interpol - Everything Is Wrong (2014)

Izïa - Trop vite (2019)

Jack The Ripper - I was born a cancer (2005)

The Jesus And Mary Chain - Just Like Honey (1985)

Janis Joplin - Me And Bobby McGee (1971)

Joy Division - Decades (1980)

Gene Kelly - Singing In The Rain (1952)

The Kills - Tape Song (2008)

B.B. King - Sweet Little Angel (1956)

Eric Kinny (Feat. Danica Dora) - Last Goodbye (2019)

Mark Lanegan - Bleed All Over (2020)

Led Zeppelin - The Ocean (1973)

Life - Bum Hour (2019)

Limp Bizkit - Nookie (1999)

Little Richard Long Tall Sally (1955)

Lofofora - Les Gens (1999)

Emily Loizeau - Coconut Madam (2009)

Clara Luciani - La grenade (2018)

Stephen Malkmus - Shadowbanned (2020)

Manu - Entre deux eaux (2019)

Mesparrow - The Symphony (2013)

Metallica - Sad But True (1991)

Pat Metheny (cover The Beatles) - And I Love Her (2011/1964)

Joni Mitchell - Blue (1971)

Moloko - The Time Is Now (2000)

Barry Moore - The Tide (2019)

Morcheeba - Part of the Process (1998)

Ennio Morricone - Et pour quelques dollars de plus (1965)

Morrissey - The Truth About Ruth (2020)

Alison Mosshart - Rise (2020)

Jean-Louis Murat - Si je m'attendais / Troie (2020)

Muse - Time Is Running Out (2003)

Yael Naim - Daddy (2020)

Willie Nelson - On The Road Again (1980)

Nine Inch Nails - Every Day is Exactly the Same (2005)

Noir Désir - Joey Part I (1989)

Nothing But Thieves - Forever & Ever More (2018)

Natalia Nykiel - Volcano (2019)

Agnes Obel - The Curse (2013)

Ozzy Osbourne (Feat. Elton John) - Ordinary Man (2020)

Paz - Ta peau (2020)

Pearl Jam - Dance Of The Clairvoyants (2020)

Pierre Perret - Lily (1977)

Lucky Peterson (cover Prince) - Purple Rain (1997)

Tom Petty - Runnin’ Down A Dream (1989)

Pink Floyd - Young Lust (1979)

Pixies - Catfish Kate (2019)

Pomme - Je sais pas danser (2019)

Iggy Pop - Loves Missing (2019)

Popa Chubby - Life Is a Beatdown (2004)

Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock (1957)

Eddy de Pretto - Kid (2018)

Puscifer - The Green Valley (2011)

Queen - The Show Must Go On (1991)

R.E.M. - Man On The Moon (1992)

Radiohead - House of Cards (2007)

Rage Against The Machine - Testify (1999)

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Snow (Hey Oh) (2006)

Lou Reed - Vicious (1972)

Catherine Ringer & Iggy Pop (cover Screamin' Jay Hawkins) - I Put A Spell On You (2018/1956)

Rival Sons - Jordan (2012)

The Rolling Stones - Jumpin' Jack Flash (1968)

Saez - J'accuse (2010)

Santana (cover Tito Puente) - Oye Como Va (1956/1970)

Siouxsie And The Banshees - Happy House (1980)

Slipknot - Psychosocial (2008)

The Smashing Pumpkins - Rhinoceros (1991)

Patti Smith - Because the Night (1978)

The Smiths - Stretch out and Wait (1986)

Soan - Emily (2009)

MC Solaar - Nouveau Western (1994)

Alain Souchon - C'est déjà ça (1993)

Soundgarden - Outshined (1991)

Spoon - Can I Sit Next To You (2017)

Bruce Springsteen - Streets of Philadelphia (from Philadelphia) (1993)

Steelers Wheel - Stuck In The Middle With You (from Reservoir Dogs) (1992)

Sting - Fragile (1987)

Joss Stone - Right To Be Wrong (2004)

The Stranglers - Skin Deep (1984)

The Strokes - At The Door (2020)

System Of A Down - Forest (2001)

Tame Impala - Breathe Deeper (2020)

Têtes Raides - Le phare (1992)

Hubert-Félix Thiéfaine - La fille du coupeur de joints (2015/1978)

Tool - Vicarious (2006)

Tricky - Nothing’s Changed (2013)

The Twilight Singers - On The Corner (2011)

Twin Peaks - Making Breakfast (2014)

U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (1987)

Stevie Ray Vaughan - Crossfire (1989)

Tom Waits - Gun Street Girl (1985)

Muddy Waters - Rolling Stone (Catfish Blues) (1950)

Roger Waters (cover Pïnk Floyd) - Mother (1979/2020)

Weezer - Hero (2020)

Erika Wennerstrom - Extraordinary Love (2018)

Jack White - Lazaretto (2014)

Emily Jane White - Washed Away (2019)

The White Stripes - The Denial Twist (2005)

Woodkid - Goliath (2020)

Neil Young - Down by the River (1969)

Hans Zimmer - S.T.A.Y. (Interstellar theme song) (2014)

#Listes #Musique #Playlist #2020 #Music #Rock #OST #Pop #Electro #Blues #Soundtrack

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wolfypuppypiles · 5 years

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Bad days aren’t so bad when you have a super dad

(AN: I was having a bad day at work the other day, basically, I was just overtired and overworked and the only thing that made me feel better was 1. eating my dry cereal on my break yum yum 2. changing the playlist for the entire cinema to disney cause fuck everyone else its my fav and they can eat my ass 3. writing this so here we go!

I live vicariously through my boy, you know, the usual.)

“Godammit, Friday would you kill the thrusters a bit? I’d like to keep my fingers for a little while longer.”

The AI did as she was asked and Tony squinted as he started tinkering again, only for the AI’s voice to interrupt.

“Sir, Peter has just arrived and it seems he’s in a bit of a mood. As Happy puts it-” Her voice was replaced by the grumpy oxymoron himself.

“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with him but if that little shit gives me that kind of attitude again I’ll let him swing himself home. You deal with him.”

Tony rolled his eyes at his friend's lack of patience and Peter wrangling and dropped his tools on his desk. “Send him to the living room.”

“ETA two minutes.”

Tony sighed and wiped his hands down before making his way up to the kid's bedroom to pick something up before heading to the living room and adjoining kitchen, entering the same moment Peter did from the opposite end.

“I don’t think I can keep going to classes, Mr Stark. I really don’t.” The kid usually said hello before he launched into his excited rambles but he was in a bad mood and comfortable enough in the compound to forgo the formality.

He dumped his bag by the couch before flopping down onto it and Tony swiped down at his phone, changing the buildings playlist to Peters favourite mix of rap and old school rock.

The first time Peter had come to Tony upset, he’d been crying and it had taken him two hours to calm the kid down. He’d gotten it down to a fine art by now.

He didn’t offer many words as Peter ranted, knowing it was best to let him talk himself out before offering advice.

“Uh uh.” He threw the kid his oldest, comfiest pair of sweats he'd grabbed from his room, not bothering to look as he threw them and walked into the kitchen.

“It’s not even like I need to go. I know everything they’re teaching me and they still think I’m stupid! Mr Taylor hates me and I mean HATES me. It’s not my fault he got the equation wrong. I just pointed it out.”

He could hear Peter tearing off his school clothes to put his sweats on and kept his back turned as he grabbed a jar of giant cookies from the counter, pushing the hot chocolate button on the coffee machine on the way back.

Peter was pulling his hoodie down over his chest and shaking out his curls when Tony got back to him, mouth moving a mile a minute and face red from his word vomit. Tony handed him a cookie and pushed his shoulder to get him to sit down, putting the jar on the table in front of him.

“Mr Taylor sounds like an idiot.”

Peter laughed and waved his cookie around, socked feet kicking against the carpet as Tony curled up his nose and picked up the teenagers clothes from the floor. “Right? He's the worst!”

Tony wasn’t one for cleaning up after himself let alone someone else and threw the clothes behind him just to get them out of the way as he went to grab Peters hot chocolate.

Peter was still talking and Tony raised a barely interested eyebrow at Peters new turn in his story.

“And of course she took his side which isn’t fair! She didn’t even hear what he said! But I got detention just because I was the one without a hall pass. Whatever. Maybe, I’ll just quit and be Spider-Man full time. At least I don’t get that crap when I’m patrolling.”

Tony grabbed the hot chocolate and some extra marshmallows, making sure to only grab the pink ones that Peter liked before going back to sit with the kid.

Peter had eaten his cookie already, hand rubbing restlessly through his hair as he reached for another. He looked worn out and sad now that his anger was dissipating and he sighed as Tony took a seat beside him.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to dump this all on you. You have better things to do than listen to my boring school stuff.”

The Avenger handed the hot chocolate over and levelled his gaze at the kid. Tony may have perfected the air of boredom in any and all situations but that didn’t mean he wasn’t listening or that he didn’t care.

“First of all, your stories about school aren’t boring. It’s like a telenovela on tape and I will always listen to whatever new shenanigan you’ve gotten yourself into. Secondly, Peter, you find school boring because you’re a genius and you’re right; you’re too smart to be there. But high school isn’t just about exams and papers, it's about being a kid with your friends. So, you’re going to stay in school and savour the moments you have with Ted and DJ-”

Peter’s mouth quirked up a little at the sides as he corrected quietly. “Ned and MJ but whatever.”

“-Because this is the last time you’ll have adults organising everything for you and you’re going to miss that when you go off to college. You’re also right about Mr Taylor. He sounds like he doesn’t know the difference between astatine and selenium.”

Peter huffed out a laugh at that, expression brightening as Tony continued.

“And look, Flash is an ass for sure and he never should have said that to you but just remember that he’s a highschooler whose biggest concern is whether or not he’s getting asked to prom.” He took the kids shoulder and shook him a little, making Peter smile.

“You’re Spider-Man. You’re an Avenger. You’re way above that snot-nosed shit-”

Peter’s eyebrows shot up at that, laughing and Tony laughed too, shaking his head. “Don’t repeat that. Listen. You can handle anything. And whatever you can’t...you let us handle, okay? May and I are always gonna be here when you need us. Even if it just boring high school stuff.”

Peter blinked at him, eyes finally bright and happy again, all the darkness and temper gone.

He nodded and sighed, relieved and he leaned into Tony’s side, blushing just a tiny bit. “Thanks, Mr Stark.”

Peter smirked, teasing in his voice as he joked his way through Tony’s quietly humming anxiety about being so open with his feelings. “I didn’t know you were so soft. You’re supposed to be Iron-Man, right?”

Tony laughed and shoved the boy's shoulder before grabbing him again and pulling him into a side hug.

“Yeah, whatever Underoos. You just keep acting like you’re a grown-up and you’ll get there someday.”

Peter snickered as Tony put on an exaggerated, high pitched voice, hugging the teenager as he kissed his cheek noisily.

“My littleee boyyyy!”

Peter pushed him off, full-on belly laughing, all traces of his bad mood dissipated in the wake of Tony’s terrible impression of May.

“Stop!”

Tony let go but ruffled his hair, and Peters eyes found him again, gaze deeper than it had any right to be with a smile that bright. “Thanks for always taking care of me.”

Tony looked away, feigning a lack of interest to keep from thinking about his father or the fact that he sort of felt like Peters. “Don’t mention it, squirt.”

Peter leaned back into the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table, head nodding along to the song playing softly overhead. “I always feel better after talking to you. Man, I love this song.”

Tony smiled. His arc reactor heart had been stretched and pulled so that Peter could fit inside and he didn’t mind it one bit. “I know.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20008729

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13348805/1/

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#fluff #iron dad #tony stark #peter parker #spider-man #fanfic #mine #cute

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