i wish i was pretty

brothers best friend mike who watches you from the window in the kitchen as you sunbathe <333 your brothers in the living room playing video games n mike made n exuse to get some water but rlly its just so he can stare at you and grind his dick against the cabinet in front of him like a perv <3333

a/n: bro do you want me to DIEEEE oh my god,,,for reference reader's brother is not one of the canon boys bc i am BROWN hello. also mike is AGED UP!!! HE IS 19!!!!

content warnings: honetly pretty tame but like mike is a perv so ,,, also reader is teasing him bc she knows n she thinks it's funny <3, brat!reader...thats it i think. mike's a fucking nerd. this got so long sorry. pt 2 perhaps? also I didn’t beta this I die like men. also pov switches around a lot sorry

“He’s in the living room, you know.” There’s a lilt in your tone when you walk into the kitchen, passing Mike where he stands at the fridge. You notice his hand freeze mid wrapping around a soda can and your lip curls up at the corner.

“Uh, yeah, i’m just – you know, soda,” He grabs it quickly, showing it to you as if you needed proof, “See?”

“Mm, yeah, Mikey, I’m not blind–” You smile, manicured fingers reaching for the soda to snatch it from him and giggling when he frowns, “You staying for dinner tonight?”

The brunette nods quickly, swallowing, “Yeah – the guys are, too –” God forbid you think he was staying so he could look at you more (he was), “We — we want to finish our campaign. You can come, if you want–”

“Maybe next time? M’trying to tan today–” You cut him off, already moving towards the back door; you watch his eyes scan down your body when he thinks you’re not looking, fighting the smirk that pulls at your lips. You can sense his nerves, see how his hands shake, and it makes you excited. Hungry, almost. 

You sway your hips while you walk out the door, tiny shorts that you’d picked for this exact situation hugging your ass just right, tits bouncing when you put a bit of pep in your walk; it’s very obvious what you’re doing, even to someone as stupidly oblivious as Mike Wheeler. 

The second you disappear behind the screen door Mike’s letting out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, gripping the counter with white knuckles and practically collapsing against it. 

Why did you keep doing this to him?

He was so sick of it, so fucking sick – every day since summer started you’d go out to tan by your pool in the tiniest bikini (how many of those could you even own, by the way?) and the most sinful shorts, thighs squeezing out around the bottom and tits practically spilling from your top. 

And then you do this stupid fucking thing – you’re doing it now, actually, he realizes it when he looks through the big window above the sink – where you shimmy out of your shorts only to reveal probably the most revealing piece of cloth he’s ever seen in his life. And you know he’s watching, and he knows that you know, because you always bend over to fish the shorts off the ground when they pool around your ankles, always in front of the window. Every. Fucking. Time.

Your brother would fucking kill him if he knew that Mike was eyeing his sister like a goddamn perv, watching her tan by the pool and popping a fucking boner while he’s at it. 

Can’t you see he’s trying to be a good friend here?

Of course you can – you’re just a fucking minx who thinks it’s fun to tease him. He notices, he’s not stupid; he sees how you arch your back up from the chair as if you’re stretching, how you make sure he’s in view of the window while you lather sunscreen on your thighs. He wants to bash his head against the marble countertop.

Mike’s only brought out of his own thoughts when he realizes you’re looking at him – really looking at him, not coy glances like you usually do when you’re out there. This one’s bolder. More loaded.

His breath hitches in his throat when he sees you bring a pretty hand up to wiggle your ringed fingers at him in a cute little wave. There’s a smirk on your face. He leans forward, feeling his cock brush the counter and almost gasping. It felt good. 

You think it’s cute how stupid he must think you are. Or maybe he doesn’t and he gets off on being known. Whatever it is, it makes you feel hot all over, like you’re doing something bad. You’re just glad he’s finally caught on to years of pining.

You’ve often wondered how bold you could get before he finally decided to fucking do something; he was driving you crazy, always trying to act so self righteous as if your brother wouldn’t fuck Nancy giving the chance. You were a spoiled brat, Mike knew that, he indulged you in it in every other way – so why not this one?

Your eyes survey the area around you, flicking around behind dark pink shades to make sure no one else but your intended audience is seeing. Once you’re satisfied you let out a little sigh, wiggling your painted toes and stretching out your arms, making a show of it all as your hands snake up to tug at your bikini top. It falls into your lap and you smile, not at him but for him. 

Mike can’t believe what he’s seeing, and he thinks he should definitely feel embarrassed about how shamelessly he’s grinding into his own hand right now. He does, but the bliss he feels while looking at your tits outweighs it. He wants to bite them. His mind is swirling and he feels dizzy but he’s chasing something, all to fantasies about those tits spilling between his fingers while he fucks into you.

And then you stretch again, arms up to the sky, before you turn around and lay yourself down on your tummy – right at the time Mike feels his boxers get sticky. He groans inwardly, collapsing against the counter again with a heaving chest. He just came in his pants to the sight of his best friend’s little sister’s tits. That was fucking humiliating.

He doesn’t even have time to consider what the fuck just happened because your brother’s hand is coming up to clap against his back, making him jump and let out a yell.

“Dude, you good? Look like you just ran a marathon or some shit – hurry up, will you? We’re starting a new game.”

“U-uh yeah, I’ll be right there, I just gotta–”

“I’m making him help me with my homework. He said he took my bio class before and can help me with it – right, Mikey?” His blood runs cold and his face gets hot when he hears your voice, devastatingly sweet. How the hell did you get in here so fast? He tries not to frown when he notices you’re clothed again.

He only nods, unable to get anything out other than a stammering confirmation. How cute.

Your brother only groans and tells you guys to hurry up but doesn’t think anything of it – why would he? Mike had known you since you guys were in diapers – he was harmless. Supposedly. He turns to walk back to the living room and Mike sighs, all the tension visibly leaving his body.

Only to come back again when you saunter next to him, leaning over him to grab something from the sink and letting your tits squish into his back in the process. He feels light headed.

“I’ll be waiting for you – don’t clean up, by the way. Kay?” 

He gasps and you can only giggle, suddenly pulling off of him and turning so you can skip off to your room. You knew. 

“Thanks, Mikey!” You call behind you, and he watches your hips sway while you go. He realizes you had only been out there for five minutes max, not a shade darker. You’d planned this.

Little shit.

-ˏˋ sweetheart diaries ˊˎ- #2 🕊🌱 🐥 !!

૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა ♡ ༘

⋆ ✧₊ﾟmay 13th 2022 🦋 🫧🎐 ⊹ɞ

posting yesterdays diary log bc i was too tire to do it SLKFJLSDKSJS hehe. so yetsterday wasnt too bad again ! i wasntn sure on what to wear so i wroe a black pinstrip e skorts, a white puffy ruched tank, and a black t shirt button up tht had pretty rhinestones on it fo r buttons tht matched w my af1s and pearl necklace <3 🪄✨💖

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶

i woke up at 730 this time ))): but stil made it in time to straightn my hair (cos i shower on may 12 n hair got rlly wavy ) which was crazy !!!!! im proud of not being late late ⏰😁

at school i had a math test for mu trig, n it wasnt too dificult acc, i k i need to finish the homeworks still and do some word problem s as the last page is what i strugg with the most cos is the most difficult, so ye! OH AND IGOT MY TEST MARK BACK FOR 2 OF THEM AND IM SO HAPPY BC I GOT AN 88 ON ONE AND THEN AN 86 ON THE OTHER !! i still a a+ student. n then in art we were doing mosiacs n i almost done my butterfly one, i jus need to grout it ! i think blue, white or black, or maybe dark blue grout wouldlook good 😮😵‍💫😵

break came n i scroll on aliexpress n played a little bit of projec sekai, have to get my daily in ! 😈 my main card is mizuki’s pink bow one, n then my title cards r “luka fan” “i love them all!” and “hbd airi” cos theyre all pink and aesthetic. and im thinking of all this new stuffs i wanna get on aliexpress, ever since i starte d regressing frilly stuff and pink sweaters is like,, really interests me which is crazy cos usually, even though i do love pink , i dont think id ever wear wear it or have super frilly stuffs, but i hav this idea in my head and idk if itll work or look how i want it to ,, though its opened my eyes to appreciate croquette aesthetic and cutsey ones more , i nev er thought id be into croquette though ive been into brandy melville ditzy stuff and soft girl vibes, and i think agere (age dreaming / half agere) allows me to feel mor girly and comfy in it even though u dont have to be a specific aesthetic to be agere. 💗

in regards to age regressing, i feel really guilty and shamefula bout it, because its almost involuntary righ tnow ); but talkign tomsyefl in a child voice in my head is soo much ebtter than hearing intrusive thoughts or mean voices. i just hoope it can balance it bc my ocd kicks in and says that the reason why i love pink and all these cute stuffs is because im an age regressor when really, i loved cute stuff before age regressing and so now that im sort of age dreaming that cute stuff i really really like! it had nothing to do with each other ther is no correlation. i like cute stuff because I WANT TO !!! not bc its trnedy or becuse im age regressing . i do like cute stuff. silly mind likes to play tricks )): (₸~₸)

work was soooo slow for a friday ))); i mostly did greets and extreme detailing but it was super boring and i was starinrg down at the clock. i do love internships dont get me wrong bec its a big opportunity though these days work is so dry and theres not a lot of sparks to it anymore, though i do feel like woring here hs help s lots wiht my confidence and public speaking! beforehand i was very shy to go and greet customers but now it is slowly becomign muscle memory so i am proud of myself cos of that

my mom picked me up n she was super hungy so she went to get some bourbon chickn from food court, we ate in the car in the shade and jus talked, n then went to home depo for a water tnak gear n some other thingies, i laid in the back seat while waitn for her cos me feet tire fromw orking, n then we went home ! i spent time w m sister for a littl bit n then played sims 4 hehe n tthen went upstairs to hug teddy n b on my phone for a little, ate some popcorn yumyum popcorn my favourite, n then mom n sister went out for food so i spent some time w my cat roscoe while waiting, n pet his soft orange white fur while he licked his blanket. mom n sister came back with CHICKEN NUGGET!!! i so happy abt that cos i havent had maccas in a long while so i enjoy my chicken nugget while looking at aliexpress smore, ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

i was trying to focus on relaxing cos whenever id os oemthing i always feel very guilty. shame i livewith everyday , and it was a battle of tellignmyself tht i deserve to relax, and live i nthe moment, so i did! i worked on my bllogg, played arsenal fps game with my close friend, went on dizzy n smashed my anxiety of setting my acc to online and spent some more time w him wathc ing him play sonic, ready or not, stanley deluxe, and listening to undertale music he pciked out. speaking of undertale, i lstening to respite rn from deltarune . i dont relly like playing underale or deltarune and i never hav, btu ive seen him play it and i liked the music ^u^ i also did some creating and tried to make some roblox softline clothes, it difficult tho bc it was un-hardlining my other creation, so i ended up quiting it )): ill pick it up tmrrr probably after i take care meself. 🎆

i was srolling on shein while watching stanley deluxe , n then he went to bed so i did too, i was on my phone a lil more beside teddy n then around 12:35 i decided to sleep instead of fighting it. 😊😴💤

night night diary, luv u lots. bear says hello  👋🧸

╭┈─────── urs truly, ࿐ ˊˎ-

╰┈➤ sweetheart xx

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

maggie i’ve been trying to suss out the plot of ur bug lesbians for so long please tell me abt them. somehow it got into my head that they were?? like jaeger pilots? please confirm or deny

i can’t do a read more on mobile so i’m sorry in advance (coming back here after i’ve written this: it makes no sense. it’s all rambling. sorry. and i just put things everywhere randomly so this won’t even be typed chronologically)

yeah there’s giant fun robots! most of them are normal and fine but like a few of them are very fucked up

so there’s four pov characters and at the start of the story three of them are on the same ship and the fourth is the target they’re chasing? only one of them knows they even HAVE a target and is trying her best to stall because she and the target were roommates in fucked up robot catholic school. the other two are playing crazy 8s and being romantic and also terrified all the time but also doing a lot of theorizing about things because they know SOMETHING is up they just don’t know what’s going on. Bc you know. their commander won’t give them any information. and also avoids them because she hates narrative parallelism

also the one stalling is also having her blood drunk by her giant robot. and maybe being mildly possessed by it? so it’s maybe The most fucked up robot. it’s also a giant dog and a good boy. and an heirloom of a fucked up family. which may explain some stuff but honestly i think nisa’s mom was just a bitch and it didn’t have anything to do with the robot she’s just like that.

and she’s stalling bc she Knows she won’t turn perovskia in she knows she wouldn’t let her get hurt she Knows it’ll change her life forever if she finds her and she’s just not ready to face that. but yknow she has to so it was all just very silly of her but when something will change your life dramatically it’s terrifying even if you know that things currently Suck.

somewhere in here Arkansas’s family is threatened and it’s. upsetting. and i’m not sure what direction to go in with it but it will be important because her family means a Lot to her. she has two very good kind dads and a little sister named Tinsel. basically she has the only functional biological family out of all the characters and they make me :’) I also think they eventually meet Idabel and ADORE her and since she grew up without parents it’s just a very strange and emotional experience and. h. they r Wives. and the Trust family is all very sweet and kind even if Arkansas struggles a lot w gifted kid syndrome like i think her dads did their best even if they fucked up sometimes yknow. idabel goes fucking wild at the arcade like legitimately bloodthirsty and arkansas is just like i love my furious and powerful wife

anyway there’s some (a lot of) homoerotic space fighting (which perovskia usually wins BECAUSE she remembers when she and nisa used to spar and can predict what she’ll do. nisa ALSO remembers this bc. ofc she does. but perovskia had to learn how to adapt after Events bc her physical health changed a lot and she had to learn to be more careful about overexerting herself and also now knows how to swordfight. and moves more fluidly and confidently. so what nisa expects to happen often doesn’t bc perovskia’s fighting style has changed so much while nisa hasn’t really bothered to refine hers. anyway) perovskia (the gay little target that does a gay little crime and makes fun of you to piss you off) is like hey. what if you all committed treason it’s really fun and sexy. and then her adoptive mechanic mom gives everyone spinal surgery so their bodies don’t shut down and they won’t die :) that’s a thing by the way i won’t elaborate bc uhh :( but it is why perovskia has all the. nerve damage and chronic pain. i can elaborate on the actual Pre-story perovskia stuff later bc i think about it A Lot and it has a lot of bearing on her character but it’s also. before all this. but anyway if she hadn’t been bleeding out on Slice’s front lawn specifically she Would be dead. and there’s some fun narrative foil character shifts that happen four years before the main storyline but i will not say bc i’m tired

after this is Vague in my mind but a lot of it is Perovskia and Nisa reconnecting and just. talking. but being weird and repressed and deflective about anything Meaningful. And I have written a Lot about this so there’s more than I can condense but it’s very fucking good and. Idk. it’s a big shift in the narrative at this point and they’re just Agonizing about their dumb little feelings and it’s good. and P doing some work to make their giant fucking spaceship more stealthy. and Idabel and Arkansas being really cute and also going THROUGH it because i mean. a lot is happening. And it’s nothing either of them ever expected to happen but they’re like. hopeful for the future or whatever don’t look at me. It’s just like. put all of these characters on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere in transit and they all Have to have conversations even if they don’t want to because it’s HARD. nisa is forced by slice to learn how to make pancakes

Slice makes stew. They’re good at stew and contraptions and having a mild new england accent somehow. also canonically back in the scrapyard they would make things like the knife wielding tentacle constantly and perovskia would just stumble upon them. slice changed the live laugh love sign to say die cry hate because perovskia made fun of it. they r her mom.

so now they do some fun fun robberies and various crimes and it’s so sexy and i don’t think N and P are like. fully caught up at this point or know where they stand, so there’s a lot of very fun banter and having to work together despite really being afraid but also yearning to get to know each other again and just connect with one another honestly and openly after four fuckin years apart. because they’re both so different now but also very much the same. horse staring out into sea MAN. the thing is there’s no direct like. reason for them to avoid each other (at first P was shocked and overwhelmed and felt a little bit betrayed when she found out who was chasing her until she found out WHY. oh i forgot to mention Nisa BEGGED to be assigned commander for this mission bc she knew anyone else wouldn’t hesitate to get Perovskia killed. Forgot to mention that it’s IMPORTANT she fucking loves her so much god DAMMIT) but it’s just. tense and there’s a lot happening and it’s just. Ghhhdhbnm and ofc I and A have picked up on it since P showed up but it’s like. ok so what is Happening here. OH AND ONCE THEY START WORKING THINGS OUT IDABEL DOES START BEHAVING LIKE NISA’S SHITTY LITTLE SIBLING AND ACTING FUCKING DISGUSTED BY THEM ITS VERY FUNNY. they’re like perovskia you’re pretty cool what’s up with this. nisa sucks and also is a bitch. and perovskia says SHE CAN GET IT. and idabel says GET WHAT? BANNED FROM OLIVE GARDEN? and perovskia fans herself and is like yeah~ and idabel was just joking around but now is debating between mercilessly making fun of her and hitting her with a cricket bat. but god when P and N just get to hold each other in silence and security and just be. it’s . they. god. fuck. man.

oh i know this is a space story but perovskia just straight up has a sword (and some knives and maybe a gun idk) don’t ask me why idk but it’s very lesbian of her and she does gay little flourishes and is just. very annoying and i like her a lot. she’s very dramatic like her alias was madame revenant when she was living in the scrapyard and just doing some petty crimes like. she embroidered that jacket herself nobody calls her that she’s just a goofball. also warrior cats exist and she makes warrior cat fan animations. that just has to be true so warriors has been preserved for centuries. also she was presumed dead for a while uhh don’t think abt it too much but she likes that aesthetic.

Idabel takes the best to this new life of crime they are fucking FOR it she gets a FLAMETHROWER and Arkansas is like. wrow honestly my favorite thing abt them is that they’re both fucking INCREDIBLE pilots. like they know what they’re doing. and nisa is really really bad at it btw she cannot pilot a mech well. but this block of text isn’t about her i’m talking about THEM. Their chemistry is so good they r just. 🥺. and they both become Fast friends with perovskia because she’s just pretty likeable?? and ofc nisa’s jealous bc a) you guys don’t even like me :( but also b) that’s MY friend. it’s very funny. honey of course they didn’t like you you were being very unpleasant to be around. but arkansas does rlly wanna be friends with her and she and idabel have so much sibling energy it’s insane. i think they’d abel and cain each other for a scooby snack but also kill for each other. because they’re tiny girls who will growl at you solidarity and also probably hang out and just destroy things with bats sometimes. they all become closer and get a rlly sweet found family dynamic it just takes a While. oh also idabel is basically the chosen one and can set things on fire with her hands but it’s barely touched on because i think that’s a really funny thing to just ignore. but i also think it does become important because it’s largely fueled by anger and emotion and. h. i think idabel has a lot of feelings ok. Arkansas and Perovskia bond over having fucking anxiety disorders and have caprisun drinking competitions. i think it’s just like. these people all have similar trauma and need people to lean on when things are hard so they stick with each other once they have the option to split apart because by then they’re friends and work well together and Care. auto tuned baby crying mp3.

Alia and Agent Variety show up somewhere around here? They’re Slice’s very cool wives and Alia has a Vechicle Collection and own fucking stupid race cars and stuff and I love her. perovskia is afraid of being in vechiles so she has to take a fucking benadryl every time they have to make a getaway. Variety isn’t actually an Agent anymore and I also love HER because she’s very fucking good. they started out as just contacts slice had but it turns out they’re all in love <3 alia is also actually a sports car racer like. unprofessionally. illegally. which is just very cool of them.

Also i don’t think it has. a very BIG end, yknow? it’s like, they’re doing very good things and are up against a lot, and I don’t think they like.. singlehandedly take down the government or anything because they’re only a few people. but i think they get a happy ending and get to grow old while making positive changes to the world around them. like i don’t think they’ll be able to solve everything but they’re sure as hell gonna do what they can. But idk maybe they actually do get like. some good shit done. but again they’re not. an army. they’re a bunch of 20-somethings and their rube-goldberg-machine-creating chaperone. but i think they should get a fun climactic moment so i guess this is all to say i don’t. have an ending planned. but there should probably be one at some point.

OH AND the giant evil blood sucking dog vineyard vines robot Definitely almost kills Nisa (or at least fully destroys her in some way) and. it’s very narrowly avoided and she’s very very weak for a while because it took a lot out of her. also the dog robot does make grape vines grow and uhhhh any grapes that show up are 100% full of the pilot’s siphoned blood. also i think there’s still some remnants of that bitch in nisa’s mind afterwards bc an old mechanical god is hard to get rid of. but it’s mostly ok.

Also the bug people are just. a thing. like every person in the most recent generation in this specific society are at least a little bit genetically experimented on because. it sucks there. and i think if your parents bribe the government you can be a little Less fucked up but yknow. everyone’s a little weird. this was an excuse to put bug ppl in here they’re just the folks who were probably the most fucked with and i have many bug people here because i think bugs are cool and i want them to look like weird little bugs. This was all also an excuse to give the main characters fangs bc i’m gay. i don’t think randomly fucking with your genetics will make you a bug in real life so do not try this at home or at all PSA

SPEAKING of the society ok it’s very much obsessed with earth nostalgia and stuff and very yknow. basic cyperpunk shitty capitalism you know the drill you’ve seen space operas whatever but it’s also weirdly oligarchical? and like? it’s weird and bad and kind of a corporatocracy?? and. fuck. idk man they’re a fucked up space catgirl greeble-y amazon with catholic imagery. The Academy is also a thing but. idk how to describe it more than i already have it’s just kinda shitty boarding school. And after a certain point ppl can get sent on like. missions and stuff? in their fucking robots? but again i’m not sure what For. an option could be that there’s nearby Shit and nobody can tell if it’s safe because space is weird? also it’s only about 3200 so i’d say like. whole societies out in space is a relatively new thing and there’s some weird shit going on. so they sometimes send teenagers out in robots to see what’s up and that ends SUPER well for EVERYONE. hmm something SHOULD be going on actually there should be some weird eldritch space stuff. it should be connected to the more fucked up robots. it should also be Core’s fault somehow because uhhh capitalism and lack of foresight? anyway here’s women kissing i don’t know things. WAIT FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION HOW SHADY SOME OF THE STUFF GOING ON IS LIKE THE DEATHS OF THE CREW PEROVSKIA WAS ON UHHH JUST TRUST ME DUDE like they are NOT afraid to get kids killed which was IMPLIED but also like it goes a little deeper than that and uhh i don’t know exactly what’s happening. but i’m sure it’ll all fall into place eventually. basically it’s very fatt shitty faction vibes idk how else to describe it. man it‘s like. just. there’s stuff happening they have goals and ideals and there’s probably more to it than i know so far bc stuff happens but i don’t KNOW what i’m tired and have been typing this for a year i don’t want to talk abt the bad capitalists i want to talk about tenderness and girls but unfortunately the ways in which the girls are tender are deeply informed by the environment they grew up in so i do have to think about it even if they all deserved better.

i think they all get a cat or a dog or something eventually. like they all deserve it. i think the final home they build together is actually pretty reminiscent of the scrapyard house. i think they get to live there for the rest of their lives and. just build something small and wonderful for themselves :’)

also i forgot to put men in the story they exist i just forgot about them. there’s nisa’s one ex i already forgot his name but he’s mentioned i think.

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐞 𝐱 𝟏𝟎𝟏 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐢𝐧𝐰𝐨𝐨

ok so lowkey this is based off of true beauty when jugyeong was doing makeup for the guys in pick pick boys

this is my first imagine bullet thingy whatever so please bare with me :’))

lets get it

you were the younger sister of one of the stylists for produce x 101

and since your sister was young, she’s been hella into makeup and growing up you kind of picked it up as well

so the both of you were like the makeup gurus of your family

so when one day the produce x 101 staff for hair and makeup is lacking a person

the producers and directors were asking if there was anyone who could help out last minute

bc they were already half way through shooting an episode and these boys were literally abt to perform

they needed as much help they could get, so ur sister

being the genius she is

was like “ holy shit i’ve got a sister who might as well be as talented as me “

ngl tho you probably were 

anywaY 

your sister had organized everything, she had told the producers, she had told you and everything was set

lemme just tell say, that you were lowkey p a n i c k i n g

you did keep up with produce x 101 but you weren’t exactly a die hard fan

you knew some fairly popular trainees and the only connection you really had to the show as that your sister was working there

so then your first day came

to be honest, all you really did was help out with minor things and passing stuff around for the first half but then 

one of the other stylist ladies had asked you to take over for her

and you were n e r v o u s

mostly bc these guys were basically idols already as they had already gained popularity on the show

the guy ( more like boy ) that you were assigned to was none other than

haenam’s boy, the only boy, lee jinwoo

you knew exactly who he was

you weren’t living under a rock, your friends were constantly talking abt the trainees in pdx101 and jinwoo did come up in one of your conversations once

and you felt like you were hit by a bus

this boy’s visuals were no joke

despite him being rlly rlly cute on screen, he was pretty shy in real life

you guessed it added to his cuteness tho

the two of you were the same age and you didn’t know if that made it awkward or not ??

you were just confused to be real yall

your first encounter was  … awkward

the two of you have introduced yourselves and you both were rlly nice

its just

the two of you were blushing like you were about to have a heat stroke

it didn’t help that you had to stare it his face while trying to makeup on him

and you were just dead 

d e a d

y/n.exe has stopped working

and jinwoo was the exact same

he’s still relatively young, so love was kind of like

non-existent for him

the only type of affection that he received that wasn’t from his parents were from his fangirls

his noona fangirls

that being said, his main priority was always to debut

but that didn’t mean he was immune to crushes

yeah sure jinwoo has had some small crushes here and there

mostly girls who were older

but you were different

omfg the cheesiness send help

the only people jinwoo interacted with his age were the trainees that were his age as well

which wasn’t alot

and even then he was closer with other trainees

  * cough * jinhyuk * cough *

that being said, the two of you were whipped the moment you saw each other

thankfully, the two of you were able to survive your first encounter without bursting

but that wasn’t your last day there

at that time, the trainees were going through the position evaluation

so jinwoo was performing to my youth

after your experience you started following pdx101 more thoroughly

mostly to see jinwoo

seeing him acting all cute n shit in the episodes

probably gave you minor cardiac arrest

anyway, the staff liked having extra hands around

they didn’t have to move around so frequently and things were just easier when you helped out

so the next time the boys needed to get prepared for something

you were there

this time, you and jinwoo actually had a proper conversation

you were also able to help and meet some other trainees

seungyoun was especially rlly friendly

he just had a big brother type of vibe u know ?

bc the universe was on our side, you were able to work with jinwoo again

this time you were feeling a little less like “ i’m not gonna talk and our faces are gonna be rlly close but im still not gonna talk and it’s gonna be rlly awkward “

bc no one wanted that

lowkey everyone could see you two had small crushes each other

like cmon

jinwoo was blushing during and after you had done his makeup last time

anyway you both got to know each other

he found out that you two were roughly the same age

he was lowkey vv shy and was nodding like 70% of the time

but he was rlly sweet

jinwoo didn’t exactly have a lot of friends his age, especially after joining produce

in school he always just had a few friends but eventually everyone wanted to be his friend

and he sorta knew why and he just wasn’t interested

he was glad there was someone that he could talk to aside from the other trainees

and it wasn’t like he was going anywhere else

so the two of you exchanged numbers

the boys aren’t really allowed to use their phones while being apart of produce

so it was kind of pointless

nonetheless, you were happy

at least you had moved past the awkward stage

you took every chance to go visit

eventually the two of you were joint to the hip

you had your own inside jokes and the two of you were rlly close friends

for a bit the two of you just kinda stuck with friends bc you didn’t know each other too well

but after awhile those initial feelings of attraction came back

you came over every time the boys had to perform, once you weren’t able to do his makeup but it didn’t matter bc the two of you were still talking even from all the way across the room

you did his hair and makeup for pretty girl

you were able to watch it live

and idk if it’s physically possible to bust out an uwu

but you did

he did so well, his dance ? phenomenal

facial expressions ? legend

your wig ? in china

anyway, a few weeks pass and you haven’t seen him and life is

dull

cue dramatic sad music

but then you get a call as your waiting for the next episode of produce to play

and your heart nearly stopped functioning bc jinwoo was calling you

and at first you didn’t realize that he had his phone even though he wasn’t supposed too

anyway this boi was crying

and you were like huh wait what boi whats wrong

and he tells you he had been eliminated and you were devastated

you didn’t expect him to get eliminated but more because he was really crying his eyes out

you had missed the episode because you had moved to your room instead of the living room to talk to him

eventually your comforting over the phone had worked ( miraculously ) and he had stopped crying

i mean he’s still a whole child, the both of you were

you didn’t really know what to do to get him to feel better

you two kept talking after he had stopped crying

you could occasionally here his sniffles over the phone and you tried not to squeal 

bc aghem i am calm and i don’t have feelings for my friend

you two had agreed to hang out the next day

you two got ice cream and basically spent the day together

honestly him getting eliminated is what brought you two closer

you helped out with the debut evaluation bc even though jinwoo wasn’t on produce anymore

you had still made a lot of friends on the show

they all asked you how jinwoo was

especially jinhyuk and wooseok his parents

you told him he was getting better

after all he was still sixteen ( in korea ) 

he had a whole future ahead of him

eventually you both had realized you were head over heels for each other

not necessarily love, you two were still going through puberty and well life

but you knew you both wanted to be more than just friends

both of you hung out a lot

and multiple times you just wanted to squish his cheeks and hug him

one time it was freezing out but despite that you met up to hang out

the two of you were wrapped in big jackets and scarves

you were walking around a park and it started snowing

a snowflake landed on your nose

and as cliche as that sounds

maybe the universe was making an exception for two cute human beings who were just too pure and soft

he had laughed and wiped it off your nose with his gloved hand

you were really near each other

you both were just laughing softly and were just looking at each other

like wow ok i’m friends with the smolest person ever save my heart pls

you looked away after you realized you were staring at each other for quite some time

yes you were blushing

so was jinwoo but he tried to hide it

he laughed again and smiled at you

you were mentally telling him to stop being so smug and cute

you grabbed his arm and told him to hurry up so you both could eat some ramen

jinwoo was dragged by you to some local convenience store

the two of you shared some ramen and multiple girls had asked for a photo

ngl you were kind of jealous

some of them were nice

but some of them were looking you up and down

liKE EXCUSE ME MISS IM HIS FRIEND AND YOU’RE NOT GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE

but you’re way too nice for that and jinwoo was watching

mostly the second part

after that you both walked to your house, where his mom’s car was already parked

eventually your parents met because your mom kept wondering who you were leaving the house so much for

not that she was complaining

she kept up with produce too, she knew who this soft boi was

he said goodbye to you and your mom

before getting into the car 

he had hugged you

and mumbled a bye with his chin on your shoulder

you hugged him back ofc

bc who were u to reject a hug from this cute ass boy

although the two of you weren’t exactly waiting for the other to make it official

you both kind of knew that you liked each other

with the help of the other trainees ofc bc you all had a group chat together

you two acted like a soft couple that only shared hugs in public

and held hands only when you two were alone

the farthest you’ve gone is cheek kisses

after a date you were about to leave when you turned around, ran back, and kissed his cheek before saying thank you for the fun day

and you basically ran away after, looking like a whole ass tomato

but he was blushing just as much

to summarize, you two are the cutest non-official couple in the whole of korea

not just the south

im talking about the whole goddamn korea

One Piece Readthru

heyo ive decided its time for me to catch up on the one piece manga finally!! i last read it uhhh sometime late 2018?? MAYBE early 2019....anyways ill be liveblogging it, basically for myself but if anyone is interested then enjoy lol

so w.out further ado hers 927-931 hya 

uh ok i left off kinda in the middle of the wano arc, so im scanning thru some stuff to see what i remember.....i dont really remember what the deal is with that ginger (?) pompadour guy lmao. theres a lot of new characters and intricate politics in this arc from what i remember. 

i havent really gotten spoiled for anything....i know that something bad happens to kid & killer, somethins up w/sabo (but we dont know what), luffy fights kaido (more than once i think?) uhhhhh we get roger flashbacks and hear the yonkous bounties....thats abt all i really know. so im hype to find out what else has gone on....

im gonna start around 927, i defs read this but i want a refresher 

wow its amazing how sanji can oscillate so fast from being unbearable and annoying to like one of my favs

i loveeee the panels where those dudes start trashing sanjis soba stand and usopps like lol lets back up yall we KNOW sanjis boutta kick some righteous ass....YESSS

franky supplexing a guy....ily franky 

toko!!! i forgot abt her!!! cute kid, whats her deal? iirc she works at the uhhh wherever komurasaki works and she almost gets murderized later

sanji and little kids is so cute ;_; more of that and less stuff of him being gross w/women 

ok exposition....i do remember a lot of this

928, i feel like i remember this stuff so ill kinda blow thru it 

oh yeah i remember luffy n the prison shennanigans....good times

and kidds here too, talkin abt how he lost his arm trying to fight shanks...lol dude 

dude is really like oh i couldnt take down shanks, so ill aim for a different yonkou, im sure this will go much better a second time (and down an arm)

omfg i forgot abt this dude who apparently sold his FAMILY to get money for komurasaki....

i think we’re supposed to feel bad for this dude and think komurasaki is cruel or w/e but man honestly i just respect the hustle. girl knows whats up

HVBJSDKFBDS I FORGOT THE HILARIOUS LINE WHERE SHES LIKE ‘I HATE POOR PEOPLE <3′ IM....its literally like a weird twitter shitpost lmaooo

they cut immediately from komurasaki to tama asking momo if he has a sister....LMAO SUBTLE......

i dont even remember if that twist was spoiled for me, but either way it was my like immediate thought upon komurasakis intro lmao 

ok 929!

omg kanjuro selling some-drawn fish lol

OUGHHH CARROT AND THE OTHER MINKS....i miss carrot sm i hope she shows up more :( i really wish she would join the crew....

lmao that guy calling zoro a pretty boy and saying girls are probably all over him....zoros like uh ew no im gay 

OOOH PLOT SHITTTTT....caesar and doflamingo name drops...

VEGAPUNK HM [eyes emojiey]

orochis defs gonna get fucked up at some point. his design reminds me of wapol and other like corrupt king archetypes 

oguhfdbsjkgjdfbh laws head basket i forgot abt that. also i love when people call him traffy thats weirdly cute 

oh right the other supernovas who became kaidous bitches are here to fight...i recall that fight somewhat 

920 time! 

oh yeah the weird place where all the poor starving people laugh constantly...inch resting

OHH YEAH BIG MOM!!! man i definitely read a lot further than this lmao. w/e i was SO fucking hype when she showed up, imo the whole amnesia thing is pretty lame. we’ll see where it goes tho 

the art here is just so good oh man. the panel of big moms ship charging up the waterfall while she laughs? fantastic 

EPIC arrival. i hope big mom gets to do cool stuff even despite the impending amnesia

i ALSO hope her kids get to do cool shit too. im still holding out for a zoro vs amande battle (if shes even there? i dont see her, but thatd be such a waste)...and smoothie vs robin....

and she wants zeus back....NAMI FIGHT??? PLEASE???

oh its bdsm dinosaur guy....hmm never thought id type that

LMAOOOO law is like Dont You Dare Fucking Snitch On Us and usopp is like uh luffy pls come pick me up this guy is too hardcore

FINAL BATTLE thats so dramatic law please

sanji saying he’ll protect usopp omfg

oooh theyre destorying all the soba shops....here comes sanji to bring the PAIN

OMFG THE RAID SUIT i forgot he busts that out....hilariously quickly all things considered

931! ok but first my obligatory thots on how sad i am abt how the women of op look nowadays lmao revisiting old one piece just makes it all the more obvious how ridiculous its gotten....like nami and robin dont even look human, its insane, and the sameface has gotten so bad...idk i miss when op women used to look normal and could just exist without being Sexy Women bc that was a thing at the beginning and i really loved that...now its just like wow all titty no waist legs are 100x longer than normal....not to mention the writing for women in op has gone way downhill...ugh. ANYWAYS onward 

ofc as soon as i say that theres a rlly cute and p normal looking cover w/nami...i love her sm shes my fav character thats part of the reason this bothers me so much lol 

i miss her short hair tho...the long hair is pretty and i like her different hairstyles but i defs prefer the short spunky look. i wish she wouldve gotten a cool bellmere-esque haircut after the timeskip at least

ok im p sure i didnt read this...? i dont remember hgbvhjaksdfk

GERMA THEME SONG HBVJSDUIFJBSF are you telling me that the raid suit activation process involves a THEME SONG....please i need to hear this. thats so fuckign funny

‘GERMAAAAAAAAAAA’ [sanji doing an unironic magical girl transformation] IT CANT BE OVERSTATED HOW HILARIOUS AND AMAZING THIS IS LMAOOOOOO 

i think we saw this w/his siblings during whole cake but i forget lmao

of course franky and usopp are like OOOH FUCK YEAH 

HHBDSJKFJSB the implications of law knowing Exactly who that is....like i really need to see an omake of a campy power rangers/sentai/whatever-esque show/comic with all these germa personas omfgggggggg

and law having read the comics is SO funny 

also. sanjis hair is SO unfortunate lmaooo

O SOBA MASK HBVHSJDKUFJBDSK

germa was the bad guy group in the comics....good lmao 

law was defs a fan he knows ALL the lore LMAOOO

A BABY SANJI....and then sanji being weird. skip! 

ironic hows theyre like oh shit gotta challenge this dude so he doesnt destroy the town and their fight is gonna level the place anyways lmao 

oh i did read this i think cause i remember all those ninja busting robin for sneaking around

which ok theyre ninja but robin could grow eyes for surveillance so it doesnt make much sense that shed be caught so easily...alas

THAT GUYS HEAD HBVHJFKD LMAO

oh yeah then big mom washes up w/amnesia lmao. i hope that plotline doesnt suck, i dont have too much hope...normally i really like amnesia plotlines and honestly i think itd be cool to explore w/like one of the strawhats but in this case it just seems kinda like a lazy way to take big mom out of the game :/ my prediction is she’ll get her memory back at a certain time thats convenient to the plot, just in time for like an all out war w/kaidou and the straw hats and the yakuza maybe? we shall see (possibly) 

ok its past 6 am so its bedtime. more later! 

claws my way out of the dirt like the goblin i am ..... hello thots, its nora, once again bringing you a revamped version of a muse i played yonks ago n some of u may have even written against... here is her pinterest.....

this is margaret greta, she’s a whole can of trauma spaghetti plastered over with a toothy grin and a lot of dad jokes. the only reason she’s in gifford really is bcos shes been put there as part of a witness protection program cos lots of police r monitoring livingstone so its deemed relatively safe.... haha... anyway she changes major all the time. she started off doing fine art but since then she’s done modules in architecture, film, bio-chemistry and is now dabbling in medicine. 

CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say GRETA O’DRISCOLL looks a lot like DIANA SILVERS? I think SHE is about 21, so it doesn’t really work. The MEDICINE major is a SOPHOMORE that is from DEADWOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA. They can be +CHARMING, but they can also be -EVASIVE. I think GEE might be SHEEP. They are living in YATES. ( nora. 23. gmt. she/her )

this bitch is the most restless creature u ever seen. before she came to livingstone, she’d lived in 8 different cities in 3 years. 

was adopted as an infant. had two foster moms and two older sisters so always surrounded by women. lived in a boarding house, very much like the one in 20th century women, with lodgers coming in and out all the time, mostly artsy young women because her gay moms were both high school teachers trying to set up their own arts collective. one of her moms left when she was 4, n she doesn’t really remember her.

while living with entirely women made her super into catlin moran and the guilty feminist, as a teenager she often let boys walk all over her bc she just craved male attention jst bcos she’d never really experienced it. saw it as something aspirational, like sitting in the back of chad’s second-hand truck while he drove you to macdonalds and offered you and his five friends with identical haircuts weed was the height of being cool to greta, she wanted to be their dream girl, even if it meant compromising her beliefs

bubbly bitch but also massive snake. metaphorically and literally, always shedding her skin. loyal to few, ruled by none, out for herself, babey!! every place she goes, she becomes a new character, someone who’s a figment of her imagination, as if each city is repertory theatre and she’s a character actress, so as a result som ppl think she’s called rita, some ppl know her as margot, she just flicks through identities like nobodies business.

goes through phases of being intensely feminist and tweeting “men are trash i don’t need them” before flipping into being lonely and needy n wanting male attention again. tends to gravitate towards men who are just pieces of shit tbh like her friends are always like hun.... pick a nice boy..... but no.... she’ll go for the boxer with several arrest records for gbh or the small-town drug dealer just trying to hook her onto pills for a little extra cash, or the reformed sinner who thinks he’s being protective by reading all her texts and always knowing where she is..... n she always finds a way to spin it so that they Just Care About Her and aren’t a p.o.s 

left school at 18 n didn’t go to uni, moved in w her boyfriend of the time instead, but soon got bored, n then went backpacking around the states making money in the casinos by being a shot girl (yeehaw) and trying to make it as a mysterious 1920s widow with a smoky voice, a dark secret n a heart of gold, looking for love in the big city. all she found was producers and acting agents who’d promise her stardom n actually just fuck her in a motel n then ignore her calls.

TW domestic violence, TW gun, her watershed moment came when she met luke in sioux falls while she was playing bass for a country n blues band. he was a few years older and had a car, and they kind of went from seeing each other to being that super intense couple who are just necking all the time. 

they got engaged like 3 months after they met n rented a flat together, much to her family’s annoyance but she was 19 so there wasn’t much they could do. their relationship was super super intense though, often really heightened and when they fought it could become quite violent, but she’d pass it off as just him being really passionate. 

one of their fights got really heated and greta threatened him with the gun he kept in the glove box of his vauxhall corsa, but the safety was off and she accidentally shot him. she pleaded self defence in the trial n cos of the amount of times she’d been hospitalised for various concussions n things like ‘fallling down the stairs’ the police were like yea... pretty watertight evidence that he was a bastard who [chicago voice] had it coming..... also this happened in 2017, he was mixed race and greta is white so naturally the police totally took her side. she’s now under witness protection, rehoused in livingstone as a sports-scholarship student, due to the amount of police involvement in the area, it would mean should one of luke’s family members try to track her down, she’d be relatively safe

 massive sports fanatic. plays tennis. on the cheer team. was a track superstar in her high school. honestly just that sporty bitch, you’ll see her doing lines at a party at half four and then on your way to your 9am lecture you see her running across the park like a fresh fucking daisy who is this bitch

pretty easy to get along with (provided you don’t anger, provoke or question her too much) because she WANTS your character to be enthralled by her and will do whatever it takes to win them over. she wants everyone to love her

is That Girl who always knows where the parties are, and is always there, on the sofa, talking about institutionalised racism and trying to coerce you into a game of beer pong that she’ll definitely win. doesn’t really have one solid group of friends, just kind of on good terms with everyone and social butterflies about

has changed her major so many times. decision? who is she. currently studying medicine, but doesn’t rlly enjoy it. she’s very unmotivated and lazy and probably wouldn’t ahve bothered going to uni if she hadn’t been placed in one by a witness protection program. will probably change on to history or gender studies soon n just make up the extra credits by volunteering

 massive feminist. low key quite scared of powerful men bcos of her ex. wants to start a female only lesbian commune bc she misses her childhood in a south dakota boarding house and has endless support for women. honestly annoyed that she is attracted to men, would so be 100% gay if it was a choice. cuffs her jeans and can’t drive. is That bisexual. skateboards. wears backwards caps.  i hate her

plays bass guitar, has a teal green fender and it is her BABY. it’s covered in stickers about saving the planet and ending fracking and going vegan. she’s in an all-female punk band w agnes (n mayb jade i think) n they play gigs every now n then in grotty club basements full of druggy sweaty college kids

PERSONALITY: easy-going, sociable, observant, blunt, amiable, nihilistic, self-serving, laid back, independent, unmotivated, charming, lazy, impulsive, alluring. ESTP and a leo

LIKES: art, music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy,  cowboy chic culture, DC comics, arcade games, candyfloss, deep red lipstick, marijuana, dogs, karaoke, Kate Moss, late-night strolls, zip-lining, chemistry, suspenders, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, cold coffee, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, boiler house DJ sets, magnolias, decorative lamps, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

DISLIKES: bananas, coffee, Woody Allen, mental mathematics, children, Trump, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, Wes Anderson films, spoken word poetry, the general mentality of cheerleading squads (despite being on one)

aesthetics:

a bubble of pink gum on chapped lips, mom jeans, a beaten up pair of adidas, denim jackets, strawberry laces, knee-highs, chapped lips, peeling sticky plasters, split knuckles, bruises you try to cover with concealer, stick and poke tattoos, hot coffee, sleep caught in your eyes on a lazy afternoon, kissing girls, cigarette smoke shrouding you like a veil, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, leonine arch of your back and that stellar smile that says ‘you have no idea who you’re dealing with’, a rucksack permanently packed for the move, a streak of red across your lips, roller blades, cut knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your mom wouldn’t take you, kate moss posters lining the walls of a teenage bedroom, his name scrawled in rage across the pages of a diary, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes. 

wanted plots: since greta literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships, and girls from the cheer team who she’s like, weirdly intimate with like the shower together but its not a Thing cos the other girls straight, and I want like, fellow medicine students who are like?? how is this bitch still passing?? i swear she goes out every night?? she works part time at a fast food restaurant, i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry. ppl she did a few modules with before changing course and somehow sort of remaining in touch with, like she did a few art modules, a bit of film, n some architecture before switching to medicine, though she’ll probs switch course again soon. ppl who she runs track with. someone she’s trying to make a zine with. here’s a list of plots on her old blog if u want any of them w her.

would love plots of any type, throw them all at me please, i cnt wait to interact w all of u. like this if u want me to message you about connections / plots! xo

full biography if u can be bothered

trigger warnings: drugs, domestic abuse, gun.

you never meant for it to happen. you’d heard the stories, of girls who let their man walk all over them, and thought to yourself “i’ll never be one of those girls…” the kind that eat low-fat yoghurt and drink slim fast to shred a few extra pounds because he said she was getting round in the tummy, or the ones who spent their evenings tied to a kitchen sink drinking wine while him and the boys played poker, wishing god, if only I could get out of here. not you, not you raised by strong women, four bright shining beacons. single mother with her hard-as-nails attitude and her stony glares, elder sisters (twins) one ginger, one blonde, one doctor, one lawyer, both determined to take a bullet to the brain and a hammer to the patriarchy before they let a man touch them without asking. you were always so inferior, so insecure and small, like a bird (like a sparrow) with blonde plaits down your back sucking tropicana whilst your busom buds sucked dick, their lips permanently ripe with stories of their sexual exploits, fake tan and glittered nails whilst you sat in the unbroken egg of virginity wondering what it was like to be loved. one day you found out.

lily milligan’s parents gone and a free house for the night, bottles of ouzo and tequila swiped from your mother’s liquor cabinet thinking she wouldn’t know (she always knew) your legs, hardened from pep squad, slut dropping on a kitchen table because the boys thought it would be fun to get the quiet girl drunk. you’d never had a sip before that night. band t-shirts, denim shorts and the split soles of rotten converse that you refuse to let go of, you still clutched with both hands to your youth, but in a tube top now (borrowed from alice carmichael who had a sister in college) and a short tennis skirt, your feet not in trainers but in thigh-high boots. uncomfy as hell but lily said you needed to look sexy. you didn’t know if you wanted to be sexy. you didn’t know what kind of girl you were, if you were even a girl at all. but robbie looked at you like he knew exactly who you were, like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and his lips had the pink cupid’s bow of a movie star, and his hair was dark locks, curling like a mane. his hands were soft, and suddenly on your waist, and after three more shots his lips were on yours and his name was the only sound in your head and on your lips as you lost it in lily’s college sister’s bedroom beneath the glare of a T-Pain poster. you bled for what seemed like hours, his hand still in yours, kissing on the sofa as truth tellers and dare devils continued to spin a bottle of unprecedented youth. you thought it was love. robbie was the one. he loved you, you knew it, how else could someone be so soft? but soon he grew bored, scrunched up your paper heart and set it alight. then came the tears, the hatred, the ‘fuck robbie, in fact, fuck all boys.’ and that you did.

you were known for being easy. any boy could be yours for a night, as long as he promised to love you for those few short breaths and pants before you cried yourself to sleep. you felt poisoned, but poisonous as well, as if by ensnaring these young boys you were gaining power over them, and not the other way around. soon it started to work. they’d want more, but you’d deny them it, sick of sucking off silly schoolboys, they’d call you a tease, a vixen. maybe you were, but you couldn’t help but want older men. you got the history teacher first time, him bending you over his desk to sneak a hand up your tennis skirt as the after-school clubs carried on next door, unawares. love didn’t exist, not for you. it was nothing but a game for pretty young girls to play, bubble gum in their canines and a hand tugging at the hem of their cheer skirt.

there was so much anger inside of your small body, ‘beware of boys and their hook-like words’. hockey helped. there was something formidable about the feeling of a stick like a weapon in your hands and the thwack it made against thighs in the heat of a scrum - “slipped, sorry!” - you’d utter with a snakeskin smile, millicent quinn knowing that you’d hit her on purpose because she shagged robbie at that party last week. she couldn’t prove it, cobbled acne on her forehead turning green with disgust. ben came into your life like a car crash. two years your senior, with a baseball jacket and shoulders like a god. he became your personal hero. on the pitch, he was lethal. together, you could bring anyone to their ruin. each day after last period he’d be waiting in his car. you’d leap into his arms like a girl-half starved, love me, love me, love me, your heated kisses the envy of every junior girl. he was yours for three blissful years, utterly yours, and you were his, his star-spangled girl, and he was your knight - you were both the same, playing games, always difficult to predict. it was a shock to all when he proposed, high-school sweethearts find love in south dakota.

the engagement was a bittersweet affair; three months – you barely out of your gingham print skirts and into a graduation gown, him, a surly quarterback towering above your sisters, cigarette at his lips and a scowl like a fart in a lift. they hated him. so did you. but you were eighteen and in love, and he fitted the cookie cutter mould. everyone wanted him, and you had him. you had him and you were happy, happy, happy, and he loved you. he said he’d give you the world, anything you wanted hand-picked and given to you. instead, he gave you a jack russell terrier and a flat you couldn’t swing a cat in, wallpaper peeling like the rotten bits inside of you, the bits that only he knew. and you got tireder and tireder of the sad excuse of a life he’d picked out for you, him out doing god knows what to pay the bills, and you dancing on tables to pave your way to stardom, and this was love, this was real, until the shine wore off and your fresh-faced, dimple-cheeked cheerleader facade faded and the ugliness started to reveal itself, the whining, the petulance, the sharp-tempered cruelty, the mind games, the need to always win, win, win. he was dull, he was boring, he was nothing like the boy the girls had said he was and no chiselled six pack could hide his lack of anything remotely interesting, your patience wearing thin until it snapped like rubber, a rucksack on your back, running shoes on your feet and the joint bank account emptied into your eighth grade birthday wallet.

you built your small fortunes working the casinos of sioux falls, a crimson dress and an attitude to match. bookish archie with his little dipper freckles was fun for a month, before he became just as dull and dreary as the rest. a three hour bus and you were in minneapolis, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fresh meat ready for the pickings. a hostel here, a friendly co-worker’s sofa there as you made what you could by taking off your clothes and shaking your ass like you were back in pep squad, doing what you did best. you met your fair share of creeps, and soon it was back on the road to escape a wide-eyed stalker and a restless itch for more. milwaukee, chicago, you made the roads your own. log cabins and lodgings, and the occasional motel, a beaten up pick up truck purchased at a scrap merchants – you got a few miles out of it before it bit the dust, and when you finally set it alight after nights spent lounging across the driver’s seat, a parka tucked over you as a duvet, you were sad to see it go. you’re nomadic by fault, never attaching to place, people or things, creating a new personality in every place you go like a character actress; each town is a different repertory theatre, and you’re the star. a compulsive liar, you even fib about your own name, to some you’re ellen, nineteen, bookish, a law student who likes smoking and cosmos. to someone else you’re rita, you’re twenty five and look young for your age, like smoking, comics and fucking in public places.

in the bright lights of michigan, you found charlie, sweet charlie, too good for you, though you let him spoil you while he thought you were the small town girl of his dreams. next came abigail, who was fun until the jealously kicked in, and then luke, gorgeous luke, dangerous, exciting, who despite his temper, despite the fights, despite bruises down your spine and your teeth marks on his arms, loved you with the strength of a wild fire. there was destruction in your wishbones, a savageness from the field, from the pitch and now somehow in his arms, you were godly. he was cruel, he was careless, and he refused to fall at your feet like so many other boys had, which only you made you want him all the more. you were rage incarnate. you hated him so fiercely you thought you might kill him, so he played the only card you wouldn’t predict; proposed.

the house you shared was a backstreet flat in detroit, you making your name as a downtown singer while he footed the bill with pills. they had a drug for anything these days, to dull the senses, to pick them up, to drive you to insanity or pull you out of the madness hole. the two of you lived like criminals on the run (you never told him that you were, living out your days as the enigma he wanted you to be), you with your voice like caramel and fishnet legs. you were his and his alone until his hand was at your throat and the gun was in your hands screaming at him to stop, stop, stop, until a bullet stoppered his brain, crimson staining linoleum as you cast yourself out like lucifer. self defence was decreed the moment they saw your violet neck, black tears and headlight eyes and mind screaming red, red, red like the pom-poms you shook so willingly in school and the insides of his skull. you were gone, and “you” was born, renamed “greta”, boxed, shipped-out, and next-day delivered to livingstone where under witness protection you were a student, blank slate, fresh-faced in a place where no one knew your name, doing what you always did and starting again.

friends to lovers!au mark lee

gif credit

i was inspired bc my sister recently confessed to her best friend and the way she did it was hella cute soo....

when you first entered high school you didn't know anybody since you just moved in town

nd it was rlly hard trying to adapt since you were a new kid + u were socially awkward 

on ur first day of school u sat down in ur seat in English nervous as hell bc there are so many... unfamiliar faces.... hELP

and next to u is your seat partner who is this guy who has brown hair and is wearing a pink sweater nd ur like .... ok u can do this u can make conversation with him

but then the teacher interrupts and ur like WeLP THERE GOES MY SOCIAL LIFE AND MY CHANCES OF MAKING FRIENDS :)))))))))))))))

ur teacher basically just talks about the syllabus and other boring stuff nd honestly his voice is so monotone that u just feel like napping

nd u notice that the guy next to you is also trying hella hard not to sleep and you smile to yourself at how his head cutely falls down as he's dozing off but then he immediately wakes up nd pretends like nothing happened

your teacher just keeps on talking and at one point he's like "i hope nobody's fallen asleep yet! :D" jokingly 

and under your breath you're like "... we're literally all about to pass out" 

you expect nobody to notice but then u hear the boy next to you let out a small laugh nd u look over and ohmygod he looks so cute whenever his face scrunches up from smiling!!

when the bell rings you're about to get up and the boy suddenly approaches u and is like "hi... i'm mark... i'm from canada" 

nd you just laugh and go "hi mark from canada i'm (y/n) from ___" nd then he gets rlly embarrassed bC WHY DID HE SAY THAT

but its ok bc u thought it was cute

nd from then on he introduces you to his friend group which is just filled with a bunch of crackheads honestly

u join their squad and for the next highschool years you basically become best friends with all of them

but mark... he becomes your #1 bff immediately

you're both awkward & dorky so when u two are laughing to eachother about some dog meme on Instagram haechan and jisung judge you two so hard 

you two like to go on adventures together in town like maybe riding bicycles to a park OR going into costume shops just to have fun trying on wigs 

during English the teacher probably hates you two bc instead of focusing on how to write an analytical essay u and mark are listening to music while playing endless rounds of tic tac toe

anyways the whole school year passes nd now u two are sophomores 

a lot of people gossip about u two and speculate when u two are gonna start dating but ????? you don't see mark that way and ur 2971301% sure he doesn't see you that way either

in fact u two like to make a lot of dating jokes and pretend to be a youthful, happy couple so y'all can get free things from cashiers who can't resist your adorableness

yet sometimes.... u wonder what it would be like to actually date him but u convince urself that a) mark doesn't like you THAT way and b) being best friends is just as good

jeno is your #2 best friend because he's actually the most normal one in your squad + he's actually rlly compassionate and reasonable like DAMN husband material

nd u tell jeno that u always wonder what it would be like... to have mark has ur boyfriend and he'd be like Well not much would change right? 

whenever ur away from mark u two are either facetiming or texting

whether it's just sending eachother funny memes or tagging eachother in videos of cute animals ... u never go a day without interacting

one day he suddenly doesn't reply to any of your texts or calls and you're ??? ok mayb he's just busy bc he does play basketball a lot with the boys

but then..... u start getting worried so u ask ur groupchat where he's been

you: has anyone seen mark? he's not responding to any of my messages

dream groupchat~

bitch #1 (renjun): why ???? r u worried about him ;)

bitch #2 (haechan): OOooOoOo bc u care about ur Boyfriend?!!

bitch #3 (jisung): omg i'm blushing u 2 are so cute uwu

you: omg shut up i hate you three

jeno<3: i heard he's at the hospital

nana<3: yea he injured his foot

dolphin: yah not to be a snitch BUT he told us not to tell you

you: wait what?!

you rush to the nearest hospital on ur bicycle and when you find mark just chilling on a hospital bed with a cast on his foot u almost pass out

nd he's rlly surprised at first but when he sees tears stream down ur face he immediately feels like the worst guy on Earth

he has to hug you nd tell you 194820 times that he's OK and that he's sorry for not telling u abt the injury

when u find out that some guy ran over his foot with a skateboard u immediately find the guy at school and almost kick him but the whole squad holds u back

at school chenle privately tells u that mark didn't want to tell u abt the injury bc he didn't want you to worry about him but ??? that's BS!! 

chenle tries to imply that mark cares about u in a Special way but u completely miss it

in fact, the rest of the dream squad always talks about u two behind your backs and are like "when tf r they gonna realize their feelings"

even tho haechan wants to just leave you guys in a room to talk about it the rational ones (aka Jeno & RenJun) are like "no just let them figure out on their own"

junior year starts!! and u feel...... different

everyone around you starts to date and you wish you could too

some ppl have asked u out before but u kindly rejected them all.... but why?? why don't u have feelings for them?? they're cute and probably ur ideal type yet u still don't want them

nd whenever all ur frieds are in relationships u feel left out 

Jaemin tells u that u don't need to date to "fit in" but you don't understand why u're not attracted to anyone

so imagine how ... lost ... you feel when mark starts dating someone

he's mentioned this girl a couple of times before and how she's pretty nd u would always agree and encourage him to make a move

but it's all too sudden and unexpected when he texts you about it

chat with mark-

morkypoo: (y/n) i'm dating her

you: who? that girl you mentioned a few times?

morkypoo: yea

morkypoo: you're not mad right?

you: no! i'm happy for you! why would i be mad

morkypoo: idk 

and you WERE happy for him!! but u kinda just relied on him to stay single forever with you so y'all can make fun of the other dream boys when they date 

besides that.... you sort of feel.... jealous?!

so ur on a phone call with jeno panicking and ranting abt how you're so confused!!!

and jeno just calmly listens and is like "okay let's see here... why would you be jealous?"

nd u would be like "because i want him to be my best friend and i don't want him to ditch me for someone else i guess!!!"

"any other reason??"

and you would think hard about it and suddenly

oh shit

you like mark.

in your panic you hang up on jeno and throw your phone somewhere 

and your heart.... aches. 

like there's this sharp pain around it and wow. This sucks.

the tall boy from Canada whose face scrunches up whenever he laughs, the boy who you share blankets with during movies, the boy who you have as your lockscreen is actually ... your first love...

so in order to forget your pain you try to deny it 

its normal for friends to sometimes feel attraction right??? it's okay for you to think about kissing your friend right???

without even realizing it, you start distancing yourself from mark in an attempt to figure out your feelings

mark is confused about why you stopped tagging him in Canada memes and why you always go to sleep earlier nd can't call him anymore

during school you two still talk a lot ofc but whenever mark's gf comes around to kiss or hug him you immediately turn around and leave 

the dream squad watches this happen for a month before they finally decide to deal with this shit themselves

haechan: ok squad our lovely couple is falling apart we need to save them

renjun: haechan we aren't going to lock them in a room!!

jeno: well (y/n) is sad about mark dating someone else

jisung: that idiot... why'd he have to date that girl

jaemin: idk bc we all know he doesn't really like her

chenle: ur right she's annoying af

haechan: i watched them talk before... the conversation was STALE

and as the boys try to figure out a plan, you lay on your bed contemplating everything with your heart feeling stuffy

junior year ends and summer starts 

but now, you're certain of your feelings

mark offers you to get ice cream at night and you agree

when you both arrive at the ice cream store you realize how much you loved just spending time with mark

and how you would die if your friendship fell apart bc of your stupid feelings

after you two are done, you say your goodnights and you enter your car with a clouded mind

and you sit in your car, not even budging, just thinking

before u know it, you grab your phone and you dial mark's number

he answers after the first ring and is like "(y/n) what's up?"

"i know this is really embarrassing and i'm probably going to regret saying this but... i think i like you. no. i like you, mark."

the line goes silent and you can tell he's shocked

after seconds you hear him go, ".... oh okay." nd you scramble to hang up the call, thinking you messed everything up

he sounded really surprised and you start beating yourself up over it

when you drive home, you get a text response from mark that says

morkypoo: i think i like you too

morkypoo: no, i like you. 

after your confession it seems like things are back to normal except now you cuddle closer to him and hold hands with him a LOT

your favorite thing is to surprise him with pecks to his cheeks bc it gets him so freaking embarrasing and flustered!! and now he's scrambling for words bc u literally made him forget what he was about to say

u two decide not to tell the dream squad abt your relationship until a few days

but ofc the plan goes wrong bc suddenly as u two are watching Netflix while sharing popcorn mark gets a call from haechan

nd mark is ? and answers it 

AND haechan is like "hey mark let's meet at the library tomorrow at 2:00pm"

mark, suspiciously: u never go to the library...

haechan: uHHHHH i want to read books ok bye see you there!!!

then he just hangs up and mark is is hella confused and you're just staring at him with the same ? expression

not even a second later your phone starts ringing and guess who it is. yup, haechan.

haechan: let's meet at the library tomorrow at 2:10 pm! oh yeah and don't tell mark!! ok bye!

after discussing it with mark, you 2 come to the agreement to just play along with whatever game haechan was pulling

and once you arrive at the library you're immediately pushed into a study room by haechan and he's like"TALK OUT YOUR FEELIINGS" then locks the door

hmm and guess who else is in that room? mark.

u 2 look at eachother then start laughing bC HAECHAN WAS TRYING TO set you guys together but y'all were one step ahead

to surprise haechan (who was trying to pretend like he wasn't spying on you two from the door's window), you kiss mark on the cheek 

the door bursts open and haechan is like ???WTF that fast???wow i'm good at this-

you: no we were already together

haechan:

haechan, pulling out his phone: i'm telling the squad that you two are fake friends for not telling us this earlier

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

I watched inseong and hwiyoung web drama too and it was so cute! I also watched the mermaid prince and I tried watching replay but it was a bit too slow for me. I tried to watch sky castle too, but after four episode I stopped, it really wasn't my thing, I kept getting angry 😂

you should watch extraordinary you! it was better than I expected, I really liked all the characters and it has the right amount of comedy and drama. I also watched sunbae don't put on that lipstick on but I don't really suggest it, the beginning is really bad. it gets better afterwards and the last four episode got me hooked, but I don't think it's really worthy anyone's time 😂 I kept watching it because of rowoon of course, he was really good! but the plot could've been better

I'll watch doom at your service if you say it's pretty good then, I was waiting for it to end to see some reviews ☺️ I'm also really curious about youngbin drama, it seems like a really cute story!

omg i forgot about the mermaid prince n replay!

i rlly have been thinkin of watching extraordinary you... maybe i’ll watch it after doom at your service is over! did you cry when u were watching it? my sister was bawling her eyes out bc or rowoon 😂

i mean i think doom at your service is good but if u end up hating it im sorry 😅 i will say dawon cries like 80% of the time but its not uncalled for or annoying.

ah youngbin <3 even if his drama didnt look good i think i would still watch it. idk y i have such a soft spot for him but i dooo

oh forgot about that movie chanhees doing. did? idr the release date but i want to watch that too! from what i’ve seen it looks good

ALL OF THEM. 1-50. GO.

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

yes and no! i value the idea of fate a Lot a lot and idk i believe things happen to certain ppl for a certain reason whether in this life or others so. yeah. i also think that everything i’ve been thru makes me a certain way, and throwing that away to go like,,, possess another body or some shit makes everything not worth. i wish i had better financial status and had more resources at my disposal tho! so if i could change my social/financial standing thatd be hot as fuck

2: What is your full name?sandra whot (thats what i write on my physics tests)

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?im 17 but god knows i still look 12

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?no but ppl ask me if i’ve dyed it bc the natural colors kinda wack! also i spray painted it blue once does that count

5: What’s your eye color?healthy soil mmm wormy

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with iti like my body! i used to not bc shes a little chonky but its okay now^^

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?i really wanna get an industrial/helix piercing in my ear but im scared of piercings djhgggg i used to have those little asian baby hoops that all asian babies have but it got caught in my necklace and started bleeding like fuck when i was little so i was kinda traumatized, dont wear earrings anymore and the hole closed up on one side ; as for tattoos i want one eventually! maybe something small and meaningful on my ankle/wrist or smth

8: What would you say is your best quality?i’m really tolerant of a lotta bs tbh; a lot of times when my friends cant handle a person/situation i still find myself p okay with it and they tell me that so ya!

9: What are you really bad at?oh my god so many : cant dance; cant sing; drawing mediocre; meeting deadlines? whos she! etc etc my work ethic just sux

10: What talent do you wish you had?i wish i could sing well/play an instrument!! love live renewed my love for music a lot and not being able to express that love for music IN music makes me rlly emo

11: Are you nice to everyone?yeah i’d like to think so,, sometimes i shittalk if they like do something Genuinely Morally Wrong like hello but for the most part i think everyones deserving of kindness even if i dont know them that well!

12: What do you think about the most?i spend a lot of time thinking abt the past and what i could have changed and the future and what i could have been and its ugly dont like it but it nags at me!! thanks obama

13: Things you like/dislike about yourselfi like the fact that i have a lot of passion for certain things and dedicate myself to them!! but i dont like the fact that i get demotivated rlly easy and let things pile up after signing up for too many things that i care about; ; ;  then i dont drop these things and end up in a shithole of responsibility like hello o o o o 

14: What is your least favorite word?i dunno! but any word i cant pronounce correctly is my mortal enemy (colosseum)

15: What is your favorite word?idk but i say hello so much ,, about time i start punctuating my sentences with goodbye.

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?i look exactly like my dad but i like my mom more! i wanna be like her, that woman works so hard to keep me and my sister alive hello

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?yeah! but honest to god if the strangers a crusty man then no i aint risking shit

18: A reason you’ve lied to someoneuhh the other day i went out for dim sum w benji and told my mom that only BENJI was buying dim sum but actually he paid for both of us bc im a broke bih (my mom hates owing ppl money) and yeah i feel terrible i dont lie often

19: Are you lying about anything right now?i dont think so ? only person im lying to is myself kek - John 1:14

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?never kissed anyone ! but wheres my milf @ god

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?yes in a way ??? but i think thats a superficial, physical kind of love and the love that matters can only form after like. years of both platonic and romantic bonding

22: Do you believe in soulmates?yes! the definition of a soulmate to me is someone who would fit best for you both romantically and platonically - but while there will always be someone who fits the best, there will always be someone who fits about the same, and someone who fits about the same right under that, etc etc. while we dont end up w/ the OG Soulmate tm in most situations, we do find a variation of them somewhere in the world.

23: Are looks important?a little bit?? but it doesnt matter in the long run, if you love someone then you’ll also grow to love the way they look its a package deal brent

24: Opinion on relationship age differencesi like ppl around my age or maybe a year younger/older but if ur 25 n dating a 35 yo then thats ur business! idc as long as neither party is in their teens and its healthy

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?unless i met them irl? no

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?lol yeah in part, i normally dont cry until i have 6000 different reasons to cry and sufficient hydration (like 3 times a year hello)

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?lol

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?lol

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?yeah! my friends disliked one of my best friends for like a Long time, me n her aren’t close friends anymore bc shes kinda snakey but w/e

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?lol

31: How does someone win your heart?be a good friend! same humor helps a lot, if someone’s aura is comfy for me to be in then hhhello ;; also genuine concern and compassion is my biggest turn on yeet

32: What turns you on?having enough food on me to eat every single period of the day, fruit, vidya games, sleeping,,, when teachers extend deadlines mr. geil i love you ? i lo

33: What turns you off?ketchup poured over fries like hello what is wrong with people.

34: Do you get jealous easily?yes cerritos auto square

35: What is your definition of cheating?cheating (noun) - the conscious pursuit of non-platonic relations with a person other than your significant other

36: Do you forgive betrayal?not really but depends on the situation

37: Have you ever been cheated on?nop i gave someone my hw to copy a few times tho

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?nop but i copy other ppls hw on a daily basis :)

39: How often do you listen to music?24/7 all the time always every waking hour right now immediately at the moment, this bitch DEAD without her earbuds

40: First concert you attendedactual actual concert in a venue was the AX one where Aqours performed!!

41: Last movie you watchedCarol it made me sososoos emo i was watching it on a bus next to a bunch of hetties i was Crying. crying

42: Favorite type of movieromance! and for some reason disaster movies,,, also psychological movies r Really up there

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?hoohooheehee

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?yeah when i need to, its obvious to other ppl tho i think

45: Do you fall in love easily?not really

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?yes and no, it depends on context and frequency

47: What’s your favorite holiday?tet bih

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?im pretty forgiving i think, i wish i wasnt

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?right here in my bed! wish i could sleep forever

50: What’s your “type”?idk if i have a type but ppl are hot and this lesbian is too weak to go on! i like ppl who are kinda similar to me tho: little crazy little wack but ultimately well meaning

policeman!jihoon pt.2

a/n; special thanks to bff jupiter @chaeyolks for the pretty pretty moodboard once again,, also! this is a collab w @alliwannado-w1, her installment for woojin is coming up this weekend so do look forward to it^^

policeman!jihoon pt.1//policeman!woojin

warning: slight alcohol mention+slight violence, however characters are written when they are of adult age

“you’re illegal, why are you even a police officer?”

“you’re going to do undercover duty with y/n.”

“again?!”

“unless you want me to–”

“yes sir”

so here he was, groaning at his impeccable luck

he needed to get back at daniel for making him buy that drink LOL

“hello, im inspector park jihoon, please take care of me”

you looked up, being greeted by jihoon, in a light blue button down and ripped jeans

with that lanyard that has his name and picture??

usually staff id pics look like mugshots

but hey his pic deadass looks like a shot of those models for some fashion show

“hello, i’m sergeant y/l/n,” you smiled, sticking out your hand, “i hope we will work well together.”

at that moment jihoon fell for your brown eyes

and dimples when you smile

whatever he said about having zero interest in girls was thrown into the gutter

jihoon was tasked to shadow you for your duties for a month

he was pretty sure he was gonna get sacked for falling for his superior LOL

anyways

your first day of working with jihoon was nothing big, just typing out some reports

it was a little weird because an inspector from the violent crimes department in a street crimes(idk what its called pls forgive me) department? typing out reports of a lost puppy??

anyhow your female colleagues from the other departments will ever more often drop by your desk just to see jihoon

it was getting annoying how theyre actually paying more attention to jihoon

so you asked minhyun to dispatch you for more undercover duties LOL

“i thought you loved writing reports”

“not until the female sergeants from other departments come to my desk to see inspector park??”

“are you jealous?”

ngl you were but you arent gonna let it show

especially in front of minhyun

he would f l i p

“try having 3 colleagues flocking to your table every 2 hours to see your co-worker instead of talking to you, and also distracting you from doing work.”

“fine”

undercover was boring, you would normally drag sergeant!baejin along with you

but this time he wanted to stay in the office because he doesnt want to be the “third wheel”

you and jihoon would go to the same club everyday to do undercover duties

and the both of you manage to bust some sleazy dudes

since the whole thing was already under control the both of you soon don’t need to go to the club

and actually do night patrols

it was fun, because jihoon would entertain you by pulling funny faces and treat you to ice cream

contrary to your expectations, jihoon was actually quite nice to be around with

but then something in your mind went off about him

 you remembered the fuckboy senior that played with girls’ hearts in high school

it was jihoon

you were well aware that you were a position above him despite the 2 year age gap

but you couldn’t let yourself fall for someone who breaks hearts

so you decided to build a invisible wall of friendship to prevent yourself from falling for him

i mean how couldn’t you,, he was good looking, good at his work, and had a faint protective vibe which you liked

like whenever you were feeling only a little chilly at the cool breeze jihoon would not hesitate to drape his jacket over you

and also let you walk on the inside of the pavement

besides, minhyun would fall off his chair at the thought of his sister dating someone from the violent crimes department

but that didn’t stop you from having fun

the both of you would sit at swings and play at the slides

there was once jihoon was stuck at one of the slides and you had to help him LOL

but ended up pulling out one of his Stan Smiths and nearly called the fire brigade

day by day, the both of you got closer

and you told jihoon not to call you “sergeant hwang” bc that sounds rlly formal

one day the both of you were just talking about random stuff and you mentioned that you wanted to pick up martial arts

“i can teach you if you want!^^”

“really? what martial arts do you do?”

“i have a six-don black belt in taekwondo, i do teach little kids in my spare time as well”

so here you are, standing at the back of jihoon’s taekwondo class

you felt very over-aged learning taekwondo with a bunch of white-belt kids

but they were really good, and jihoon told the kids you were his assistant for the time being

yeah, assistant with a white belt

and just saying, jihoon looked rlly rlly hot in that taekwondo uniform

with slightly sweaty bangs and all

when he just stands aside for the kids to practice and adjusts his belt

bOI

ok moving on

you learnt some basic moves and jihoon barely needed to coach you to get them right

so all those years of fighting with minhyun was worthwhile

jihoon would shift you up to a yellow belt in two weeks because you were that good

so one day your eyes obviously wasn’t doing you good

you kept messing up the sequence throughout the lesson, maybe your condition wasn’t good

jihoon could see it and asked you to rest for a while

after the lesson ended, you took your street clothes and accidentally walked into the men’s changing room

and you walked into a topless jihoon

luckily, he was the only one inside

you could see his toned abs, and defined arms

not to mention that killer jawline

and in taekwondo pants????

jihoon noticed you staring slightly and then fumbled to find his taekwondo robe

and you noticed you were in the wrong changing room

“oh shit im so sorry i--i”

just as you were about to get out of the changing room jihoon blocked the door

without his robe

“y/n, did you enter the wrong changing room to see,,,”

“see?”

he pointed to his abs, “this?”

you could only laugh, “i would never do that, i can easily see them on the internet”

he raised his eyebrows, “so you watch porn?”

“no??” you rolled your eyes, offended, “do you think i’m that kind of person, inspector park?”

“n-no--”

“i’m sorry i’m not like those girls you played with back in high school, i’m not after your body--”

“you’re driving me crazy, y/n”

“what?”

“your eyes, your nose, your lips, drive me crazy.” jihoon stared right into your eyes, making you blush

“hey inspector park--”

“why don’t you call me ‘jihoon oppa’ anymore? is our relationship strictly work-related now?”

“i just...” you sighed how something small could escalate to something big like this, “i like you, jihoon-oppa”

you slightly cringed but you continued, 

“but we cant do this. minhyun will get mad, and there goes my job.”

“b-but--”

“sorry, inspector park, i’d have to go.”

you pushed jihoon aside weakly, then going out and into the ladies’ changing room

you felt hot tears trickling down your face, in reality, you just didn’t want your heart to be broken

the next day, you and jihoon went to work like a normal day

just, no patrolling and writing of reports the whole day

the office could sense a tension between the both of you, even your female colleagues stopped coming over

“hey y/n,” baejin stopped by your table and handed over a file, “you gotta go undercover again for that club, the perverts are striking again.”

“again?” you sighed, “okay i’ll go.”

“do you need me to go with you?” baejin leaned against your desk, “ you seem, off, today”

“i-”

“i will go with her, sergeant bae.” jihoon spoke, “it’s my last day here anyway.”

so fast, a month has passed, you thought.

“thanks inspector park. i’ll get going then.”

you skipped dinner, all you did was to write reports continuously throughout the day

until jihoon slammed your laptop shut, and stared straight into your eyes

“we need to go now, sergeant hwang.” his lips stretched into a straight line.

you unwillingly got up from your seat, as you shrugged on your coat and headed out to the carpark to wait for jihoon

the car ride was quiet, with you staring out of the window, not talking to jihoon

though it was jihoon’s last day, and you were sorry he had to spend his last day like that

you had to stop yourself 

though the club was playing upbeat music, all you could do was to stare into blank space

just then, some sleazy dude came up to you

“can i buy this pretty lady a drink?” he winked

“no thanks, im with someone else--”

“ey, that someone else can wait.”

“i really do have someone--”

“i said i will get you a drink alright?!” the man’s rogueish smile appeared, grabbing your wrist, “i know you’re here to do undercover duties, sergeant hwang--”

just then, a fist was sent flying to the man’s cheek, as he stumbled backwards

you saw an angry jihoon, his face was red with anger

“if you ever touch sergeant hwang again, you’ll end up in the hospital.” jihoon growled.

“wow, sergeant, i didn’t know you were into flowery pretty boys like--”

jihoon sent another punch across the man’s face, making him fall to the ground

you had to physically stop jihoon from hitting that sleazy dude, or it would’ve turned into a full fight

“jihoon-oppa,” you held his arm, which weakened at your touch, “let’s stop, minhyun wouldn’t be happy if he saw this.”

jihoon scoffed, putting the dude in handcuffs

“you’re under arrest for sexual harrassment, you have a right to remain silent, unless with witness that will support your innocence.”

after that dude was thrown into jail, jihoon immediately hugged you

“are you okay?” he then took a step back to analyse your frame, “he didn’t hurt you, right? i was so--”

you then cut jihoon off with a kiss, shutting him up effectively.

jihoon kissed you back with more assertion, to make up for the time he didn’t get to talk to you throughout the day

“what was that, y/n?” jihoon smiled, ruffling your hair

“don’t tell minhyun about this”

boyfriend!jihoon in the police station is super sweet, leaving you a sandwich for breakfast, then dragging you out for lunch

minhyun soon found out about it, “i knew the both of you had something going on”

and jihoon wasn’t the asshole you expected him to be

he only had eyes for you, and it was really endearing

the both of you would go on night walks, and then sitting on the swing set, talking about random things

overall, the sweetest crime-busting couple in Gangnam Police Station

“I don’t know how you became a police officer, your looks are illegal, you’re my illegirl”

lowkey stole that from dimple by bts sorry im lame i hope you guys enjoyed this as much as i liked writing this,,my request box is always open, so do send in requests!

(almost) every anon ask since fall 2016

if u havent noticed i am BAD at answering asks so here’s a Big Dump of most of the asks i’ve gotten in the past few months

ps; i’ve excluded pokemon suggestions bc i plan on getting to them at some point

Hihihi!!! What brushes do you use in fire alpaca??  i dont do much in firealpaca (esp not lately lol) but when i did use it a lot i just used the fill bucket and the standard/default brush to fill in gaps n such lol! i dont really draw in it, i used flash/adobe animate for the lineart and just fill in color in firealpaca :3

when did you start animating?   uhh when i was around 11 or 12 when i started digital art i guess? i just used photoshop for the longest time then got flash when i was like 15 or so

 How did you get flash?  i got the creative cloud dealie, its technically required for my school :—-0 

 hello!! what are you majoring in in vcu?? im thinking about going there for college  im in communication arts! omg cool lmk if u come here ill tell u where to get the best bubble tea

 how many fps do you use for your wiggly animations? i work at 24 fps in flash on twos but just end up using photoshop’s 0 second frame delay/ “no delay”?

 Hey love your animations! What do you animate with?  adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) 

You mentioned a YouTube channel but I can’t seem to find a link to it? Do you post processes on there? https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCovvoZxlQjFaIA7A3w_94Zw theres not much atm but i plan on posting a lot more, including process/speedpaints! 

i really like your art style gosh darn!!! everythings so fluid and stylized and nice aaa (also ur animations are goals) do u have any tips for someone still developing their artstyle????  WAH TYSM!!!!! compile art you already like and incorporate aspects from their styles into yours, BUT dont limit urself to one style! if u like something then try it out! do straight up copies (as PRACTICE, DONT CLAIM IT as your own ofc) of stuff you like to see how they work and what you’re clicking with. spending time on fundamentals is MEGA helpful so keep going back to that too! USE REFERENCES!!! draw …from ur soul…what makes u ..FEEL good

 how do you make that burn effect on your lineart? it makes it your pieces look sharper and even more interesting, it’s super cool!!  when i used to use flash for lineart and firealpaca for coloring a lot, setting the lineart layer on BURN with the coloring layer seeping a lil past the lineart would get this effect automatically 

(like on the whiskers. u can see it gets a brighter brown(?) and the warmer yellow on the ears)

but since then i’ve been using sai+photoshop more so i just do it manually! i’ll use this funny pic of me and my cat as an example lol

^i select the lineart/everything i want the funky color around

^slam that INCREMENT button a couple times

^make a new layer under the lineart

^fill that puppo with ur preferred color! something brighter works best, or even straight up white

that’ll give you something like this

then i open it in photoshop

and i mess with the pink line layer’s blending mode..color burn usually does the trick but depending on the Look you’re going for, saturation, multiply and overlay have some similar effects that look cool. 

i also usually get rid of the outermost edge of pink line that’s visible around the lineart, just so it looks a little cleaner? to do that you just select around your lineart, increment/expand selection, and delete/erase in the selection of the pink line layer

uhh yeah! lmk if anyone needs clarification on this, i have some other #TIPS on makin ur art look crusty and funky so…lemme know if you’re interested :—3

What do you use to animate? And, a more specific question, how do you make transparent animated gifs? adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) i export my animation from flash as a png sequence then open it in photoshop, where the background will be transparent and save it as a gif from there nyaaa

if anyone needs more clarification lmk and i’ll make a proper walkthrough :-0

 Hello!! Ur art is rlly pretty and so inspirational and nice to look at!! 💗💗 I was wonderin’ if ya had any tips on choosing shapes for characters? Like, when you draw shapes for a certain character, it looks rlly like it fits with the character’s personality n stuff!! ( e.g: Your Love Live! drawings!! The characters look so good in your style.) I’ve always admired how u did that n was hoping for some tips maybe?? Anyways, have a good day!!💛💖💟💜💝💞💖 HOOGA!! TYSM!!! and YEA you basically guessed it, i mainly just think about the character’s personality and translate that into a shape or Pheeling… 

especially for anime characters i look at the Very Subtle differences in the character’s original design..or possibly canon implications…for example kotori has slightly different eyes (it also says on her wiki page she has soft droopy eyes!) so i make sure to incorporate that Detãile

 anime wiki pages that have details like that is nice, for love live they have cute lil “charm points” which is really cool n helpful! listening to how a character is described in their world can give clues to what differentiates them which you can make more clear in your design

taking into account each characters context is good too, what they do/hobby/personality and how that could affect their appearance/posture/attitude

 YEAH its really fun to figure out certain characteristics and make it evident in their appearance! or. idk thats just what i do lol. hopefully this helps!

Have you ever seen the anime jojos bizarre adventure? alas i have not..i have some friends whom are into it so i’ll prob end up watching it sometime lol

sorry if this is obvious but!! are you the creator of Fork and Knife: Food Fighters?? your gif of fork is super cute btw!! yes i am!! wah tysm!!

Hey my little sister found your animation on an online art gallery and she really loved it! omg cool, thanks so much!!

Your style is so lovely!! OHG thanks!

your blog is so precious i love it a lot! your art is so cute too ^u^ waa thanks!!

Your art and animations art really cool! Keep up the good work! You are amazing!! aahg thank you!! :’333

 your art is fuckening amazing hh broe…tysm

 Oh my gee, I used to follow you on Deviant Art, and now here I am, finding you on accident. You’re still as talented as ever. =w= b hUIOpugh deviantart, my homeland..my origin.. thank you!!!

- O mg I love your art! 💕💕💕 thank you!! heart emojis!!! 💖💖💖

- your art and animations give me so much inspiration, thank you! everything about your style is so fun and it cheers me up omg this validates my top tier goal in life, im so glad!! thank you SO much!

Your style is so charming and adorable ;__; thank you!!

ur art is so gross in the best way possible this is the biggest compliment ive gotten thank u so much. i love making gross squishy awful drawings

IM SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU!!!! IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR AGES!!!!!!!!! I LIVE FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL ART!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! BHOLY CRAP THANK YOU!!!

 your art style is very cute ! 🌱 oohg thanks!! thanks for the little sprout emoji, i love her

GOOD ART!!!! good art good art good art EVERYWHERE I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHGG THANK YUO

how do ya draw such cutely its driving me nuts Nuts NUTS !!! I LOVE SPARKLES AND BRIGHT COLORS AND FUNNY ANIMALS..its my lifeblood..thank u.. 

You’re a really rad artist! I’m Glad there’s some cool artists that are local! Have a good time at VCU! oh wow thanks!! 

Ur shapes r so good thanks i LOVE a nice wholesome shape!

I rlly like ur art style my dude thanks!! 

hi! just wanted to let u know that you’re wonderful and i wish u well in everything u do this is making me bVERY HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

 Im love You!! IM L OVE YIOU

that meowth boy is so good. i love him as he is my son THANK YUO i too, love meowth a Lot

 I love how your art is basically lines and curves, it’s very cute oo thanks! 

i love your art style so much!! it’s so zesty? i cant think of a better word to describe but its like. zesty & refreshing & rly rly cool !!! THATS A BEAUTIFUL ADJECTIVE I LOVE IT thank u so much!!!

You seem like you would watch Osomatsu-san. I could see you drawin dem bois in you hella rad art style. osomatsu was the wildest ride of my life. tho i dont think i could physically be able to sit down and draw them seriously ever… 

 Pls make more angry cat comics theyr so halarious plllls 👀 more are on the way!!!!!!

Have you done a meet the artist i sketched one when the meme was still poppin..is it too late lol? maybe i’ll still do it

Episode #6: “"NOT ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE" - Big Z

Even though I misplayed my idol, I cannot believe that my incessant need for wanting Toby gone actually fucking worked. Like. I will be taking the credit for this one because I just fed it to my peoples and had Loris know about it and just controlled his emotional vulnerability. I would have been good without having the idol either... so wig- I fucked up on that end but WOWZA it feels good to actually lead a vote, see the vote go the way you want, and have my target argue with someone who HE thinks started this revolution. Hehehehhehee

bruh im getting major Byzantium teas right now... where my og tribe gets decimated and only two of us actually make it to the merge. right now theres only 3 of us left and just like then if only 2 of us make merge we're gonna start off as swing votes, then everyone will target us.  please don't let that happen Byzantium wasn't my greatest org experience

LMAO SO DANI THINKS WE ARE DEAD TO HER BECAUSE WE BLINDSIDED HER AT THE LOUISE VOTE? poor girl. you're playing a vivor org, get over yourself. you better pray to GOD we don't lose or that you have an idol... because your ass is done otherwise. one way or another, like I said before, only 2 zosma's max are making merge lmao…

In the middle of the challenge, so this confessional will have to be brief. I can definitely WIN this challenge, but I do question if that's the best for my game. The other tribe had a unanimous 6-1 vote, so now it's an even 3-3 split over there.

If we win, it's possible that either they'll go to rocks, or one of the Revati's will flip to save themselves? (Because it's unlikely the Auva are dumb enough to flip on one-another since that'd give us majority in the merge.)

However our tribe is currently a 3-2-2 split, and while I don't THINK the two sets of two are working together, I can't eliminate the possibility that they'd gang up on us to eliminate one of us and evening the numbers for the merge.

It's difficult to say where this whole tribe will end up shaking down, but I'm hoping to avoid Tribal if I can help it. The less Tribal Councils I go to, the more options I have going into merge because I won't have necessarily hurt any feelings by voting a particular way.

Well, I crushed the challenge, scoring all 5 points on my tribe, everyone was talking about how I carried them... which already has me worried given my history of being labelled a challenge beast after only having one good challenge.

But at the very least no tribal, I'm curious if we'll be merging at 12 or if it'll be some other number. Guess I'll know soon enough, but it's nice to have a break for a bit, and I think I'm doing pretty well on bonding with others so as to better my position.

Dylan still never talks to me. So ideally he'll be gone soonish, either by us losing the next challenge or him serving as an early merge boot. But even if he sticks around I doubt it'll be a major problem.

MY HOPE, for the other tribe is to send home Drew or Roxy (preferably Drew since I know Roxy and can work with that I think), to split up that Power-Pair as Drew was a fool for spoiling that. I don't really care who goes so long as the Revati's stay, and if we DO lose

Now if I could just find a damn idol... or SOMETHING.

HELLO LITTLE MIX AND NICKI ARE COLLABING I REPREARJT  HHHHHH THEYRE COLLABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Lawrence is so nice and so pretty. I would die for Jack. I would cry for Jsck. I will climb a mountain- and I hate walking. oh thats climbing I hate that too. Jack is nice Jack is kind. I shit on the Jack haters. He is just perfect. He could do nothing and still be thebest non-lead host. (Ya AJ shuttup) Anna Jane is PERFECTION. Erik is cutie she is cutie and I love AJ n Erik. She is hot and if I was gay i'd fuck. She is good listener and perfect and beautiful andeveryone get u a friend like AJ bc she is a BIG ASS MOOD in my life like stop being so perfect thanks

Sometimes I get confused about which day we’re on, so hopefully it’s day 14 lmao. The other tribe snatched Toby & I’m not surprised. Auva didn’t just make a mistake that will hinder themselves, but it will also affect what’s left of og Zosma. The Auvacados could’ve worked with Toby to start taking down Revati, but it would seem that they’re still out for vengeance. Toby was setup to be in a swing position, of course he’s gonna feel out both sides before choosing one. Now Auva is split with 3 on each side & I don’t see any of them flipping, unless og Auva is gullible again. Drew T. didn’t trust Revati either because he wasted an idol on himself even though Toby voted in favor of him. Flops.

Kori is legitimately a godsend. He c a r r i e d Revati in the challenge by scoring all 5 points that we needed to win. He says that he focused hard & waited for the messages to pop up which mind you were separated by intervals of several minutes in the span of 4 hours. Kori is a very humble dude & tries to downplay his capabilities, but he’s the GOAT. Maybe even the shield I needed. :O

I’m not too worried about Dani at this point in time. If Revati happens to lose then she would probably be the easiest to turn people against. Everyone participated in the music video challenge while she was the only one that did not, and she has a habit of sitting out. Sam told me that she hasn’t talked to him since the day we blindsided Louise & I’ve gotten the same treatment. Since I’m “dead to her”, I think that making a move against Dani pre-merge would benefit me in the long run. This would also change everyone’s perception of Sam and I to being non-threatening come merge as we don’t have the number

tea time sisters! toby was a king but was a threat and I have to see the benefits in him going. this tribal is going to be eventful I think... because I think I’m getting votes because roxy seems to really want me gone??? but i have a plan that I think will work :))))) I tell John to vote out drew t or roxy and I say that I know he doesn’t really want to vote out drew h so I’ll settle and sacrifice for drew t. if he’s fine with voting roxy then I tell him that I think I can get drew t to vote her too, and then we can vote him out next, when in reality we’ll vote out drew h next. if he wants to vote drew t now then I tell him me and z will do it too when hopefully z will vote out roxy with me and drew t instead because roxy is trying to get one of us out. ezpz . In fact we could even vote drew h. it’s all tea. I really hope z and John are loyal to me, I think z will be, and I think I can just play with me saying I trust you to John over and over. cute!!!! I stay winning... I can’t believe that I .. actually have a plan... that’s t it’s so easy idk why I couldn’t do this before my mind is just so powerful now? also auva idol is GONE and that’s fantastic and also I got legacy bitches!!!! only 7 more bitches need to go then I can use it :)

Soooooo half of this tribe is just completely inactive during the most important hours of this game prior to tribal. It’s SO FRUSTRATING because even if I want to make some sort of strategy with them it’ll take them at least 2-3 hours to reply to me. I cannot do this for too long. The other issue is that people are sooooo hesitant to throw names out, and when you do throw a name out literally EVERYONE hears that you started it and it gets turned on you. That happened to me when I said John’s name once to Roxy last tribal. I worry it’s about to happen to Loris suggesting Roxy too. We’ll see how it plays out, if I end up dying I’ll at least go on an active note rather than an inactive one.

THERE ARE TWO HOURS UNTIL TRIBAL AND LORIS IS THE ONLY ONE HERE

Whew another tribal and everyone is like absent again!? Wow we love productivity! Trademarked by the Celestial ORG! Please, come buy some productivity!

I hope we merge soon. My goal is to make it to merge without going to tribal. Idk how my tribe would pan out, we got a few inactive asf people. I dont have an idol but I really want one . tbh I'm so glad I took my break bc I'm not focused on winning im just focused on enjoying myself and my game while it lasts and I feel like its significantly improved my game.

Okay so Loris isn't talking to me but he's talking to other people so I'm being TOLD they're going for Roxy but I don't really believe it, I think if an idol is played, I'm dying courtesy of him and Z. Just gotta keep the faith in my people tbh

We doin big z vut doing loris kihhtve been better cause of her connections vut my nothing much I can do. I dint Rlly like the mrtge we r hesding into we r hella in minority

sometimes i forget im playing a org because all we do is win oh i got an idol btw hihihi

Honestly I am happy Toby went. HE WAS A BITCH! He wanted me out the the first round. Now to get Sam and Ciere out next. Expect Tea motherfuckers. Anyways, literally I have not talked a lot. I have gotten to know Kori. He is a shady fuck, I know that from past experience but I need him. I talked to Emma or Emmy or whatever the fuck her name is too. She seems really sweet.

ok so I think me and Ci'ere are bonding, which wow I never imagined that I would have a social game. I still haven't messaged Dani or Kori which is something I should do. The fact that they haven't messaged me, coupled with the fact that I'm alone on this tribe cements the fact that I am the obvious vote. Brb let me try to make connections.

SO we lost again, and my broken phone prevented me from participating in the challenge. Looking at this based on the challenge I should be leaving, buuuut I am going to be voting big Z out tonight, and because the auvas don't want rocks, they are going to do what I want. I have wanted this guy out from a game standpoint from the very beginning, but once you throw my name out there it's very hard to get back on my good side. Loris is going to be annoyed with me I am sure, he was trying to manipulate the situation between us but I could see right through the whole thing. I had a call with Roxy and she made an alliance with us and the two drews. She seemed to be worried that I would want to stick with loris and Z but I knew immediately what I wanted to do. I am really hoping that a merge will happen next, and that this move will not deeply affect me right away.

Big Z is voted out 4-2.