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look-at-the-soul · 1 year

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Hi! It's gossip girl❤️❤️ I missed our little messages too! Luckily school isn't too bad right now so I hoping to be able to keep up on here a bit better now! I hope you're doing well!! I got to read so of the stories you've done recently and they've all been brilliant! I especially liked the one you posted yesterday! Make your home in my heart! ❤️ it was so cute! I love how soft Tommy was with her and how he took time to care for her! ❤️❤️ and I also liked the Runway! I haven't seen Anna but I heard it's good! And I loved how you made the story begin!

I've been doing alright! My break was nice and exams went pretty well! My classes this semester are a bit harder though so that's a bit of a challenge though 😂🥲😂

And I think my anxiety is doing a bit better now! I think I may actually try to post something within. Like two weeks maybe!

I know I mentioned I had writers block but you know what😂 I got to go home for this weekend and had to fly. So I was like determined to try and finish at least one of my stories. And not only did I finish both but I've got 20k+ words broken up over about 6 different stories done now😂 One I still need to finish though! I kinda surprised myself too because I was typing stuff on the plane and usually I'm nervous annoy people seeing that stuff. But I lucked out both times and no one was in the seat next to me, which I think helped! 😂And I actually have more ideas I wanna get done by next week too😂 It was actually your little idea about Drabble that helped me get out of it too! So thank you for that! ❤️ Once I remembered that I didn't have to write a super long story it was a bit easier for me to cut down in what wasn't important! I have some bullet point ideas or mini Drabble that I've also almost got done too! There is one idea that I may send an other ask about though! It's something I be been wanting to write because I think I have a really good idea for a line prompt. But there's I'm a little stuck because of some of the TW's that would be included in the story and I'm not sure how'd people react? Idk if that makes sense but I can explain more in the other ask if that's ok!

And yes! Alfie is absolutely a rich character! He's one of my favorites😂 I'm so glad he made it though the series😂

Morpheus is pretty good! It's based of a comic by Neil Gaiman about the the Lord of Dreams (Morpheus)! And it starts off after he's been imprisoned for like 100 years and finally gets free and has to build up his kingdom again! I know it's not the busy summary but it's definitely worth the watch! And the actor who plays Morpheus (Tom Sturrige? I think it's spelled) is also very nice to look at so😂😂 but it's a pretty good show!

And I've heard of Both those movies with Cillian but haven't seen them. I've especially heard people like Breakfast on Pluto! I haven't heard of Virgin River though! What's it about?

And I will say that we have interacted before but again I've kinda been hiding around for the last little bit 😂 And I honestly started the same way as you to, only on anon then I decided to share on thing and people seems to like it so I tried sharing more😂 Then I went into hiding again but you know, I think I might come out of my cave soon😅 And thank you for all your encouragement too! You really have helped me be less nervous about it all!❤️

And I haven't actually seen Sex and the City, but I've heard of that one too! But I get what you mean by being apprehensive to second parts! Sometimes the producers should have just stuck to one😂 but I do know that gossip girl is on HBO if you couldn't find it!

Ohhh and local cafe's are fun! I wish there were some more near me I could go to😂 My college is great but it's not really in a big city where there's lots of cafes😂 We do have a few boba shops that could probably work pretty well though! Does coffee flavored boba count? 😂 And ohh I did see that you were writing for them! I still haven't seen a Quiet Place two yet, but I've seen part of Anna (didn't get to finish it) and I do really enjoy the Nolan Batman's (Cillian is very good at playing the characters who are a little psycho😂) But I can't think of anything specific to see with this right now! If I think of something I'll definitely let you know though!! ❤️

Aside from all the fics I've been trying to catch up on, I have a few mystery novels I want to finish! Most of what I've read though this year had been my textbooks though 😂

And I hope your days have been going alright and will only get better from her on!🥰🥰You're amazing!! Thank you for all your advice! And I'll be sure to send that ask about you opinion on an idea I had after this! ❤️❤️❤️

XoXo Gossip Girl!

Hello gossip girl!!!

How have you been?

I’m glad to hear school is doing alright:) thank you so much! I’ve been writing more and faster (I think hehe) aww thank you! It makes me so happy to know you liked that story! I’m a firmly believer that Tommy would be a sweet man, he just couldn’t leave her there in the pouring rain at night… and she managed to win his heart too. (I might have a second part planned for later) but first I need to finish the ancient request I got a while ago, I think there are 2 more stories in my drafts (gotta hurry up). I’m writing the second part to The Runway!!! And I’m so excited about it 🥰 looove Lenny!

Congratulations on the good grades! Keep the hard work going ☺️ oh but I’m sure you will do it just fine! Trust yourself (best of luck with your classes!)

Remember to take deep breaths, try to think of the things that gives you peace usually (and of course post the stories you’ve been working!), it will be just fine 😉

Oh I think airports are a great source of inspiration, wow! That’s an impressive work, you have been writing a lot! It makes me so happy to hear that! Yeah I don’t like neighbors looking at what you’re doing haha I get so nervous, but you were neighbor’s free so it must’ve helped a lot. Did you keep writing? *eyes*… oh that post helped me too! Like a lot! Sometimes I pressure myself to write something long, over X words but when I read that I was like… wait a minute, some stories can work great as short, a Drabble… 🥰💕 aww you’re welcome! It makes my entire world to know you’ve found some inspiration in my silly posts… my job is done here. We don’t even realize the pressure we put on ourselves sometimes right? Some stories are mean to be short, a mini series, a long series or a one shot, and it’s perfectly fine, what really matters is that we write what we want and enjoy it.

In your other post you mention SA, but I don’t know what it means? And also TW’s? 🙈 also do you want me to post the other message with the ideas for your story? Let me know!… okay the general idea sounds great to me! I just have a few questions to fully understand the plot, which I will share on your next message if you tell me you are okay with me posting it. But to answer your dilemma, I’d say go for it because internally you’ve been thinking about it since the beginning! Don’t doubt yourself on it, whatever path you choose is going to be the right one because it’s part of your original idea 😉😊

Alfie was a great addition to the show! He is so interesting and unique, he has a lot of things to bring to the table…

Oh wow Morpheus sounds interesting 🤔 I will try to see if it’s around the platform I have subscription from, or at least a small video to get an idea of the show, although to tell you the truth? I find it hard to get hooked with another series than peaky, what have they done to me? I want/need 10 more series ahaha (said the frustrated one) 😂 but it would be good to have something else to look at.

Breakfast on Pluto was amazing, I loved his character there (I think they did it way too early tho, he could’ve won an Oscar for it years later, but we know he’s not after that… Virgin River is a small (and perfect) little town full of mountains and rivers and nice people, so Mel is a practitioner nurse,widow and she arrives to start her job at the small clinic, she meets Jack a former soldier and they fall in love, but things aren’t easy so there are a million ups and downs, a pregnant ex, the noisy neighbors, flashbacks from the war… it’s so good!

Wow don’t hide! I love interacting with you on anon messages so I guess it’s the same with your own blog 😉 but whatever makes you feel comfortable! I hope you decide to share more and more,the first one is the hardest, so… we’ll be waiting with open arms when you decide to leave the cave 💖 ah anytime sweetheart! Happy to help :)

Yeah I didn’t watch it either but a friend told me what happened and I was like O.o nope I’m not watching that hehe I mean, they left Samantha out *horror face* they had the audacity *gasp* hahah yeahI think whatever you fancy to drink works ;) what does flavored boba tastes? Ahh you *need* to watch AQP2, I was reluctant at first, but Emmett won my heart over… Anna meh, the general idea was amazing, but I think the movie had something missing? Is it just me? I mean why would they make Anna have a girlfriend and be with Lenny and the other agent…? What’s the point? Yeah living la vida loca, I get it, but (?) did he took her to Hawaii? Did the gf found out Anna cheated? I have a lot of questions haha that’s why I write for him lol and I love the psycho characters too! *high five* Jonathan Crane was great, but one of the best roles for me will always be Anthropoid and the edge of love, (love the war theme).

Oh please share the reading list! I love finding new pieces to read, I have a John Banville novel I bought back in November and I haven’t read it yet… I am too behind some stories (I need to catch up on reading asap..), but it will be around so I try to not pressure myself a lot, sometimes it’s just hard to keep up with everything. Ahah I bet you have! Luckily you will find some time to read novels and fiction during your free time ☺️

Days have been alright thanks, I’m doing my nails old way (Idont want to do gel anymore there are loads of videos saying how much damage it can make on the skin and although I really didn’t use the UV lamp like once a week, I want to protect my skin as much as I can…I’ve been writing a lot, more than usual so I’m trying to maximize the inspiration spree, days have been warmer and I want to see if I can find a friend to go to a concert in June, so wish me luck!

Thank you for your beautiful words 🥺 I am here to chat whenever you need, and to me you’re amazing as well! So brave and I wish you nothing but the best in every aspect of your life, see you around xx

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guillemelgat · 4 years

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(Late) January Language Goals / Update

I just realized that I made a goals post for the beginning of the year, but not for the beginning of the month! I’ve actually been doing a lot of language study this month, so I figured I should make the post and update y’all on how language things are going.

I’m trying to do one language per month, which will allow me to cover all my languages and add one new one as well. This month, I’m working on Romani, which I’ve been meaning to work on for the past two years and just haven’t. I’m reviewing and drilling all the lessons in Ronald Lee’s Das-duma Rromanes, which is what I used to start learning the language and which covers a lot of bases for a basic understanding. Every Sunday, I’ve been making a stack of flashcards and exercises based on the lessons, and I’ve been doing one lesson every day throughout the week. I think it’s definitely helping, at least to expand my vocabulary. I’m really excited about how it’s going, but then again I would literally die for Romani so I’m pretty sure I would ever not be excited to be studying it. The goal is to get myself to a level of confidence where I can actually use it to talk to people (God forbid I talk to people!) but that’s a high bar so it might be a while. Either way, I think the month is going fairly well so far, so we’ll see!

As for the blog, I know I’ve been terrible about posting and I’m not sure if I’ll be much better this quarter, but I’m going to try my hardest to finish the IYIL posts (SIDE NOTE BUT DID Y’ALL SEE THE ANNOUNCEMENT THAT WE’RE GETTING A DECADE OF INDIGENOUS LANGUAGES STARTING IN 2022?? BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT GOTDAM TIME). I also have a few translations that I’ve been meaning to post, so hopefully I can get those out too.

#i'm probably going to be a bit mia on here but i'm going to try my best to make posts #maybe having a busy semester will make me want to post things here more idk #but either way i'm not sure how much stuff i'm going to be churning out #god i love romani so much #like i'm like i couldn't possibly have this much love for a language #and then i go back to studying it and i'm like ope guess i can #i really want to talk to people in it but i'm very nervous about it #because i don't like talking in languages until i'm absolutely perfect #but idk i might see if i can find a place to put it to good use #i know there's a big community in the midwest and i'd love to do volunteer stuff with helping refugees and stuff #if i can find it and work up the courage to do it #because i'd love to speak it more and talk to actual roma and like just do more there??#anyway that's all that's the update #hope y'all are having a good january #romani #language goals #random stuff #general:goals #romani:general #romani:goals

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doycngs · 4 years

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lee donghyuck. | six feet apart. [i]

summary. two days. one car. some unresolved issues with your ex-boyfriend. what a recipe for disaster… right?

pairing. y/n x nct’s haechan.

genre. exes!au, road trip!au, childhood friends!au.

word count. 2k.

[four part series]

part I | part II | part III | part IV

warnings. gender neutral!reader, very angsty ngl, hyuck is vv serious about social distancing adjsjadks jkjk this story is in a coronavirus-free world, erm swearing??? idk what to put here tbh this part is lowkey mild and boring… also don’t be too mad at y/n rn, there’s a very good reason as to this shenanigan ;) anyway! i hope it intrigues you to follow along… i promise hyuck will talk more in the next part, i’ve got big evil plans coming up *debby ryan smirk*

(cross-posted on wattpad under ginxrna)

|—————|

“I’M SORRY BUT, what?!?”

No, no. No no no. There was no way in hell, you were going to agree to this solution.

“Please don’t tell you’re being serious, Mom?!”

Your mother sighs, finally turning to look you in the eyes. She’d been trying to shove as many boxes into the backseat of the van for the past five minutes.

“I’m being very serious honey. I know this is not the most ideal situation to be in but you have to do it. There’s no more space in the car and Donghyuck has a free seat in his—”

“Ideal situation? Mom! I can’t stay in a car with him!”

You hate whining to your mom, especially since you’re literally a grown ass adult now. Who would be able to stop themselves from complaining about it though? No one, that’s who! Not when your own mother is kicking you out of the car and forcing you to spend a two-day car ride back home with your ex-boyfriend.

Your mother puts down the lamp in her hands, grabbing your forearms to make you face her properly.

“I’m sorry but you need to do it, okay? I have to drop these off at Dad’s and that’s the opposite way from home! You need to get back in time to finish packing for the fall semester and if you go with me, you’ll miss the first day of being a junior in college. Now, do you really want to do that?”

Of course, your mother is giving you the No Funny Business look now, the fight in you melting away slowly. It wasn’t her fault that the moving company she hired failed to show up today. You weren’t really mad at her for something she couldn’t help. Maybe just deep down, a combination of things were upsetting you.

Every summer, ever since you were born, your family has gone down to the beach house they own each year. The Lee family, your longtime neighbors, also tagged along any summer they could. With you being the only child and the Lee’s youngest daughter finally flying off to college, the tradition began to die off quick. It was sad to think about the place being put up for sale but it eventually happened this year.

You spent every single moment at the beach house trying to soak in the reality as much as possible to prepare yourself. It obviously didn’t work because only now, taking out all the decorations from the rooms to load up, did it really hit you. This was the last summer break being spent here before the place got sold and it was over already.

Although it wasn’t as pleasant as the past years, like when you spent every waking hour with Hyuck— no, Donghyuck— it still felt like a second home. Now all the campfires, sunbathing, tennis playing, and evening barbeques were over.

The icing on the cake to your already somber mood had to be the ride back home with your ex though.

Conveniently of course, your car was at home and your neighbor’s son was “driving home for school as well and he could just drop you off since we live next door to one another!” It would also be “very rude to not accept their offer, even if you two ended on bad terms.”

Gosh, you would have loved the idea if the two of you were still together. It’s the kind of spontaneous summer road trip you dreamed about in high school; just you and your boyfriend together on the highway. But nope, it wasn’t going to be like that at all. You’re not with Hyuck, fuck— Donghyuck— anymore and the trip back was going to be awful with all the silence.

You spent the whole time at the house this summer subtly avoiding him with some awkward, forced small talk. You agreed to go to the house because you didn’t think your neighbor’s son was going. As expected, your oblivious dad failed to mention that the Lee’s were coming at the last minute though.

You thought it was fine, given that you believed you were over him already. You and Donghyuck had broken up last year’s spring so it had been a year and a few months to get over it all.

Turns out that was the fattest lie you could’ve told yourself because the millisecond you saw that sandy brown head of hair, that hollow feeling in your chest came back like a flash flood. He’d lost some weight, changed up his style a little, but still had his charming tan on. The biggest difference was his demeanor around you.

The way he simply acted while you were around him… it was like he thought you were a predator. Like he was the wounded animal between the two of you after everything that had happened.

When it finally registered in your head, all the damage he had done to you in the past and how it still haunted you to this day… let’s just say you’ve been a little colder to a certain Lee Donghyuck. It was noticeable by everyone at the beach house but no one had the guts to say anything.

Your mother must have felt the fight drain out of your body as well, given that your shoulders gave up their defensive position. She manages to put on a smile for you pityingly, rubbing her hands up and down your forearms in comfort.

“Maybe you guys can finally get some closure. It really suffocated the mood the whole time we were here.” Your mom complains, making an involuntary glare appear on your face.

It’s strange to think shortly after that boy broke your heart, you were still willing to lie and prettily wrap up his betrayal to your parents. To never tell them the real truth.

It hurt too much to say it out loud to yourself, much less your parents who adored and loved Donghyuck like their own son.

Your mother interprets the glare as playful, a tinkling laugh shaking her voice.

“You two will be fine. I’ll even pay for all the junk food and the nice hotel you two will stay at.”

When you bite your lip in reluctant anticipation, she smiles knowingly.

“You’ll really pay for two hotel rooms?” The hope in your voice gave yourself away. The momentary silence makes you believe she’s considering it until her face twists.

“No, of course not! You two would be sharing one room with two separate beds.”

Huffing, you cross your arms and go back to duct-taping all the boxes. Thankfully, all the big furniture like the beds and sofas were shipped off this morning, just in case something like this happened. All that was left could hopefully be shoved into five separate cars.

“You don’t have to do that Mom. We both earn money and can pay for our own accommodations.” You mutter. Her head pops out from behind the seat, mouth open to protest but you interrupt her quickly.

“It’s fine, I promise. It’s the moving company’s fault for all this happening. Our family has bad luck with these types of things.” You grumble.

A chuckle is heard from inside the car as she recalls a moving incident two years ago. “We do huh? Remember when your dad packed too many heavy things into the elevator and it couldn’t go up?”

You sigh at the memory. “Yes, sadly I do. Many of the other dorm residents had a grudge against me before I had ever even spoken to them.”

A cough cuts through the sound of your mom’s loud laugh, making your head whip around to see where it came from.

Just when he’s sitting in the back of your mind, Donghyuck appears walking over with a big cardboard box in his arms. He sets it far away from your reach, as expected.

Ah yes, still so afraid to get too close to you. It’s like he thinks if he came too close, you may scream at him in front of everyone on the property.

In his defense, you wouldn’t put it past yourself to do that if he tried to explain himself to you once again.

Your head drops down to become laser-focused on picking at the duct tape roll, the sudden quietness making your mom get curious enough to step out.

“Ugh, I can begin to feel the effects of my aging. My back is killing me.” She grunts while getting out of the van.

Donghyuck’s eyes widen, immediately walking forward to hold her steady. “Here, let me help out. I can put the stuff in the car instead.”

“Oh no, it’s alright hon. Me and Y/N got this, go help your mom. I am making you all move everything.” Your mother tries to shoo away, clearly feeling bad for the extra muscles helping around.

“Don’t worry about it. After all, me and my family practically lived here with you guys most summers. My mom’s also done with her load. I’m here because there’s no more space to fit in this last box. Think it can fit in there?” Donghyuck asks with his hands full, jerking his head at the said object he came with.

You just finished taping the box he’s pointing at and when you back away from it, Donghyuck quickly bends back down to fit it into the car himself.

The motherly smile settled on your mom’s lips sits unwell with you, especially as she squeezes Donghyuck’s ear in fondness and thanks.

She still treats him like a future son-in-law and it makes the pit in your stomach widen even further as you watch.

|—————|

Thirty minutes later, a miracle came from the heavens to ensure all the boxes fit in all five cars, including Donghyuck’s which barely had enough space for you in the shotgun. As desperate as the thought was, you were secretly hoping there would be no space for you anywhere. A called Uber would have saved you from enduring Donghyuck’s presence for 48 hours and no one would be able to think you were rude for it.

In her likely fashion though, your mom made sure to shove the unnecessary boxes you placed in the shotgun to the back of Donghyuck’s car. The last thing to do was grab your suitcase and backpack from inside the house and off you’ll go forever.

Walking into the bare living room, a feeling of bittersweet nostalgia overwhelmed you.

The coffee table, beat up from all the kids’ roughhousing back in the day, is gone. It leaves a sad space in the middle and makes the room look so much bigger than in the past. The place looked less homey and more alien now that the furniture was all stripped away, especially the sofa.

The comfy L-shaped couch was your haven whenever you needed some peace and quiet from the chaos, away from everyone and everything for a while. Hyuck always knew to find you here whenever you disappeared from the loud atmosphere, giving you the company you didn’t even know you craved.

Everything felt like it passed by so quick and suddenly, you wished you could turn back time, even for just for a little. To relive every happy feeling you’ve ever felt in this big home… to feel your bare feet buried in the sand, listen to the sound of waves in the background, breathe in the comforting smell of the sea salt, that comforting sweaty hand wrapped in yours, his bare chest wetting your cheek, having just come back from swimming—

“You ready?”

When you look behind you, Hyuck is stood by the front door, holding his bags. You feel yourself nodding but don’t really believe it in your bones.

As you turn back towards the living room, he quietly puts the bags down and stands to your right. You hear the other four cars drive off, beeping in goodbye to one another, but can’t seem to move your feet, force yourself to step out the house, and drive away as well.

“I’m going to miss this place too,” Hyuck says quietly. The sound of his soft voice makes you glance at him. The soft brown eyes that meet yours lifts your heart just a bit before it all comes crashing down.

He’s standing six feet away from you.

The small amount of distance isn’t much but it feels like miles emotionally. It’s the distance he set up that made that little bubble of fantasy pop and wash away with the waves.

The both of you used to snuggle up on that couch in this very living room a little more than a year ago and hate to be so far away from one another. Looking down at the gap between you two now, your bittersweet recollection comes to an abrupt end.

A humorless scoff passes your lips before you can help it. The need to leave this place behind itches you into action.

Grabbing your things, your feet mechanically moves your body without another word, forcing your head not to look up to Donghyuck’s expression.

You don’t know if he’d look hurt but you didn’t want to risk it. You didn’t care.

You didn’t.

You didn’t care.

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promise-of-a-lifetime · 3 years

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hiiii my friends ! egg here, long time no talk ;W; my blog has been barren for so long ahhh i really gotta change that, i needa reblog things again and post art ahahaha but thank you to everyone who still follows me despite my inactivity !! 3.8k followers wowwowow thank you so much qwq this post is getting really long as i’m typing out all my thoughts so i’ll put this under a read more for anyone who is curious enough to hear me ramble ahahaha

i’ve been busy actually ! i went back to college this fall. surprising huh ?? after 5 years of just working, i finally made the decision to go back to school (partly bc i’m sick of this job and burnt out and want something new) i got into a program for a diploma in comp studies and now that i’m nearing the end of the first semester---i’m going to change my program into an associate of arts instead ;W; and my plan is to transfer to uni for a bachelor’s (if i choose to do so if i get my associate’s) i wanted to try comp sci solely bc of the job market and the pay. i know ppl say you shouldn’t get into something just for the money but it’s hard not to, you know? it’s tempting, especially bc where i live it’s so crazy expensive, and i wanted to try my hand at it. i currently live in an apartment with my sis rent free provided by my parents so i’m extremely fortunate and in a good place, but i can’t help but feel guilt. i want to make enough money to make an actual living so that i don’t have to keep depending on them and make them work so hard. this also prompted me to go back to school ! but i think i found out that comp sci is not for me. i do not like to code at all (python is okay but js is hell lol) i only like doing html/css styling ; w ; maybe i can try web development later down the line but algorithmic programing is not for me...what truly makes me happy is drawing and writing. it’s what i’ve done my entire life as hobbies but lately i’ve been so busy with school + work, it takes so much out of me, that i have to pick one, if i want to draw or write to relax. i think i mentioned my art burn out and stress in one of my last posts so i’ve chosen to write each time and i’ve neglected my art for so long now ;ww; i really want to get back into it...i miss it so much. so this is why i think the arts field is where i should be, i think i’d be a lot happier doing this. of course i worry about the future and career aspects...can i get a good job out of this? my cycle of thinking is very vicious, i can’t help but think about how my art isn’t good enough, that there are so many better artists out there on tumblr/tw so why would anyone ever hire me for art when they can pick those ppl instead ?? i really need to get out of my head and just---DO IT instead of all this pointless worrying. how will i know if i never try ?? if it doesn’t work out in the end, at least i tried right ?? but i won’t even know that if i don’t allow myself to start in the first place...i’m always crushing my own chance and opportunity with this way of thinking and it needs to stop TwT i really do so much thinking that i get into a crisis every now and then (as you can tell from some of my posts on the blog ahahaha) but i also think about all the sweet and supportive compliments on my art i’ve gotten from you guys and from my friends/family...it really makes me go ‘can i actually do it?’ my sister and my friend told me i should try to make my own stickers/merch and have my own store and honestly...i’ve been thinking about doing that for years but i’ve never had the courage to try. i fear failure so much. i fear being inadequate and irrelevant in comparison to other artists. my friend said that i shouldn’t worry about that bc there will be people who like my art because people like different art styles, the more the merrier---just like that artist cake meme ahahaha but i still...idk...stop myself from even trying anyways. why do i do that? once again, i should just draw whatever i want and stop caring about what other ppl think !! there’s bound to be someone out there that will enjoy my art qwq time and time again i’ve received such kind anons telling me that ! ;WW; so i’m putting my foot down and i’m really going to try changing my mindset and stop inhibiting myself. first step: change my college program next step: get myself an ipad then: draw draw draw !! remember it doesn’t have to be a complete drawing, just sketches and doodles will be fine (maybe do commissions...? my sis aND MOM said i should do them, that my art is good enough, and do custom cards so maybe...? ahh but i’ve never ever been commissioned before, ive had friends ask to commission me in the past but those always fell through...so i’m unsure...but we’ll see) so this is where i’m at right now ;W; thank you to everyone who’s read this far ! i’m so sorry for always worrying about the same things wlejnfwlej it’s hardd but i want to be happy doing something i like

we’ll see what happens in my next life update !! hopefully by then you’ll see much much more art from me~

#Egg talks #...way too much aHAHAHA

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lannisterdaddyissues · 4 years

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The Last Kingdom High School AU - Chapter One

Hey y’all,,, so I finally decided to make this a thing after like 100 years! Anyone remember this post? It’s a thing now!! All my friends in the discord finally convinced me to share my writings with the world so here it is! This is going to be a multi-chapter fic, I will update it during the summer but I have a job so idk if updates will be regular. Anyway here is chapter one aaah!!

Chapter One

TLK High School AU

Word Count: 4.1k

“Oi! Arseling! Get your sorry arse to the principal’s office, now!” Leofric shouted as he slammed the gymnasium’s phone back onto its receiver. Uhtred’s classmates all turned to stare at him with round eyes, like a bunch of identical creepy owls. Uhtred hated those looks. He’d been getting them a lot in the past two years.

“Thank you for coming to see me, Uhtred,” the principal Odda greeted him, smoothing some papers out on his desk as Uhtred shuffled into his office. A steaming hot coffee mug sat to the side, untouched, and a bagel with a single bite mark in it lay on a napkin near the corner of his desk. “I wanted to talk to you about your behavior lately.” Uhtred blinked slowly but said nothing, leaving the ball in Odda’s court. Odda sighed. “You’ve been starting fights a lot lately in the past few months...the most recent one, three days ago, I believe, you sent my son home with a bloody nose and a black eye.”

“He called me names,” Uhtred said tonelessly, “And he’s an arsehole.” Odda grimaced and sucked air through his teeth. “See, Uhtred, that’s just more of what I’m talking about. You cannot just go around speaking like that to adults. You need to respect your elders. Otherwise, you’ll just keep getting in trouble and getting sent to detention. You know these are put on your permanent record.”

“...Fine.” Odda nodded, as though satisfied, and shuffled his papers. The reading glasses perched on the edge of his nose drooped a little and he pushed them back up towards his face.

“I also wanted to talk about your grades this semester.”

“What about them?” Uhtred stated more than inquired, hair falling over his shoulder as he tilted his head to the side. The old man never said anything of interest to him, just that he needed to stay on track if he wanted to be successful in life and that he had to watch his words in his essays. So what. He scanned the rest of the principal’s office nonchalantly, searching for an item to fixate on so he didn’t have to meet Odda’s eyes.

“They were just fine in your freshman year, perfectly average and acceptable for you to graduate, but halfway through your sophomore year they took a turn for the worse. Last year you failed both your English class and your maths class, barely passing your science class with a C-minus.”

“And what about it?” Uhtred repeated, twiddling his thumbs. His eyes alighted upon the globe in the back of the room on top of Odda’s filing cabinet and he exhaled deeply, wondering if he could get it to spin with his breath alone all the way from across the room. It didn’t move and he felt his mood blacken a bit more for no reason whatsoever.

“See here, Uhtred,” Odda said, leaning forward and turning the paper so he could see it, “you’ve got this red letter here. What letter is this?” Uhtred rolled his eyes.

“An F, sir,” he said, turning the honorific into more of a mocking title.

“Yes, I see, and do you know what happens when you fail your core classes, Uhtred?” There was a pointed gleam in Odda’s eye.

“What, sir?”

“It means you fail. You fail the entire year. And when you fail the entire year, do you know what that means, hmm? Let me tell you. You have to retake all of these classes.” Uhtred shot out of his chair, outraged. “I most certainly do not!” he shouted. “I’m not taking these bullshit courses again! I could pass these in my sleep, this is fucked up!”

“Life isn’t always fair, Uhtred,” Odda gave Uhtred another pointed look for his language and Uhtred sat down again, chastised. He sighed. “I know you‘ve had a tough time these past couple years.” Uhtred scoffed and whipped his head to the side.

That was a bit of an understatement, he thought. Uhtred had never known his birth parents. All he had ever known was his adoptive brother Ragnar’s father, who was also named Ragnar. He had grown up alongside Ragnar, Ragnar’s sister Thyra, and Brida, his best friend, and together the four of them were inseparable. Two years ago, Ragnar’s father had died in an accident, leaving Uhtred and his adoptive family to Kjartan, Ragnar’s uncle. Kjartan was neglectful and ignorant; he mostly left them to their own devices since he couldn’t be brought to care enough about them to hurt them. His son Sven was an abusive arseole whenever he visited, though.

“I don’t want your pity. It’s fine.”

“Since I know there are extenuating circumstances involved, I’ll give you an ultimatum,” Odda said. “I’ve asked a boy in your class to tutor you in all four of your core classes. He’s agreed to do it - don’t give me that look - in exchange for community service hours. You don’t have to pay him a dime.” The chair Uhtred was sitting in squeaked as he uncrossed his legs and recrossed them.

“And who am I tutoring with, sir?” Uhtred mocked, thinking his day couldn’t possibly get any worse.

“His name is Alfred Rex, I believe he’s in your class-”

Ohhhhhhhh, fuck that.

“No!” Uhtred yelled, “I am not working with that pain in my arse!” Odda gave him a pointed look over his reading glasses.

“I believe he’s in your class, and you should be grateful that he’s agreed to do this for so little. He’s the brightest student in the school. Surely you won’t be able to fail any of your classes with his help.” Taking a sip of his coffee, Odda leaned back in his chair, looking satisfied. Uhtred was glad one of them was.

“You must have missed the part where I said he was a pain in my arse,” Uhtred seethed, fingers itching to strangle the principal - and maybe a particular student - to death, “We absolutely hate each other! This will be a fucking disaster! He doesn’t want to teach me shit, he just wants to lord over me like he always has!”

“Now I am just disappointed in you. Alfred wants to help, truly he does! And he’s all you’ve got right now, so you’ll just have to suck it up and deal with it, won’t you?”

“How much time do I have to spend with him anyways?” he spat. Odda met his eyes over his reading glasses and pursed his lips.

“You’ll be tutoring with him four days a week. One day for language arts, one day for maths, one day for science, and one day for history. At the end of the week he’ll give you a report of your progress. Really, you should count yourself lucky that he’s taking so much time out of his busy schedule to tutor you.”

I have to spend four days out of every week with him?!

“That’s not going to work, no way, I can’t spend four days out of every week with him. Give me anybody else and I swear to whatever god you worship that I’ll do it. Not him.”

“Uhtred, I already told you,” Odda’s voice grew firm, “You can take it or leave it. You’re not getting tutoring from anyone but Alfred. This is the last straw.”

“Whatever,” Uhtred hissed, “I’m leaving, and I’m not getting any tutoring if it’s from him! Alfred can screw his perfect self as many times as he likes, see where that gets him.”

“Uhtred! Wait!” Odda called after him. Shutting the door to Odda’s office, Uhtred pulled a cigarette out of his backpack and lit it, ignoring the multiple shouts of his name that followed the trail of smoke he left down the hall.

Uhtred slammed the door to his car shut, seething as he aggressively turned the ignition key and cranked the volume on the radio up high. He plugged his phone into the charger cord and hit call on the pre-existing groupchat he had with his best friends, Finan Agil, Sihtric Elflaedsson - his name was actually Kjartanson, but he legally changed it a few years ago when he moved in with his mom - and Osferth Heahengel. “Hey,” Uhtred said as the line clicked and they all greeted him. Gym class with Coach Leofric had just ended, so they were still in the locker room changing their clothes.

“The hell was that all about earlier?” Finan asked on the other side of the line. “You get sent to the office again? What’d he tell you?” The others voiced similar questions.

“You want to know what he told me? I’m fucking failing my classes. I have to get a tutor. I have to see him four times a week. That’s bullshit!” Uhtred ranted. “I’m going to have to repeat a year if I can’t bring my grades up. This is by far the worst fucking shit that has happened to me, ever.” Feeling his temper worsen, Uhtred made a right turn far more violently than he normally did and grunted as the tires squealed.

“What the hell?!” Sihtric yelled on the other end of the line. “You have to get tutoring?! That sucks!” Uhtred nodded his agreement even though they couldn’t see him.

“Do you know who your tutor is?” asked Osferth. “Maybe you won’t actually mind them. I mean if they said yes, they can’t be that bad, can they?” Uhtred gave a mocking laugh.

“Oh, dear Osferth, why don’t you just go on and ask me who it is?” The line went silent for a moment as all the friends considered how bad the news was going to be, and then Osferth spoke again.

“Uh...who is it?”

“Oh, only Alfred fucking Rex, the hugest prick in our grade.”

“You’re fucking kidding me!” “You have to tutor with Alfred?!” “But you two hate each other’s guts!” They all exclaimed simultaneously.

That fucking bastard, Uhtred thought, I know he’s just doing this to get one over me. He’s always bossing me around and acting like he owns the entire school. I fucking hate pricks like him.

“That’s just the worst,” Sihtric said sympathetically. The sound of a door opening on the other side of the line roused Uhtred from his bitter thoughts. They must have finished changing and were now heading to their next classes.

“I know, but Odda doesn’t even care,” Uhtred spat, “He says this is all I get! I can’t believe his audacity! You and I both know that Alfred wants to boss me around and that’s that!”

“I don’t know, Uhtred, maybe give him a chance,” Finan said doubtfully, “At least you’ve got a tutor, and Alfred’s the smartest kid in the school. You’ve got an advantage here.”

“Well, whatever, I’m home now so I’ll talk to you guys later,” Uhtred said, pulling the phone away from his ear.

“Wait, you went home?!” Osferth exclaimed.

“Uhtred, you’re going to get caught. That’ll just be another detention for you. Maybe you should come back.” Uhtred turned the key in his car’s ignition and slid it into his pocket, ignoring Finan’s words.

“Right now, I couldn’t care less about detentions,” Uhtred said. “See you guys later.” Finan protested with a “wait, you bastard—!!”, but Sihtric and Osferth bid him goodbye and he hit the end call button with little remorse before shutting his car door and making his way to the front door.

“I’m home,” Uhtred called out as he shut the door behind him. A chorus of ‘hey’s greeted him and Uhtred left his bag on a chair before walking into the living room. Ragnar - Uhtred’s adoptive older brother - and his childhood-friend-turned-girlfriend Brida were cuddling together on the couch. Some movie Uhtred didn’t recognize was paused on the screen. “Uhtred, what are you doing home so early?” Ragnar frowned at him as he sat up and pushed the blanket off his legs. Uhtred exhaled deeply and plopped on the couch like a deadweight, causing Brida to shove him with her foot.

“Didn’t feel like staying at school,” he muttered. “Left after gym class.” Brida sat up at that and she exchanged a glance with Ragnar, looking concerned.

“Hey, well,” Ragnar began, “Speaking of school, I have something I need to talk to you about.” Uhtred frowned.

Gee, how could this day possibly get any worse? I can’t wait.

“The principal called us a couple days ago and told us that...you’re failing this year, Uhtred,” Ragnar said seriously. Brida nodded alongside him.

“He said you’re going to have to repeat a year if you can’t hack it,” she added. “So Ragnar talked to him and the principal arranged for you to get tutoring with—“

“—With Alfred,” Uhtred interrupted, balling his fists, “Yeah, I already fucking heard.” Ragnar’s eyes widened.

“Oh, fuck,” he said.

“Yeah, oh fuck! I can’t believe you! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I could have said no sooner!” Ragnar shrugged and laid back against the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. “I forgot,” he said honestly, smirking.

“Are you kidding me?! You know how much I hate Alfred! Why are you laughing at this?!”

“I’m not,” he said, “Don’t know what you mean.”

“Ragnar, please, tell me there is another option besides getting tutoring from Alfred of all people,” Uhtred begged.

“Sorry, Uhtred, but there’s no negotiation on this one. You need to get out of this house and away from Kjartan. You can’t do that if you fail your last year of high school. You need to go to college and, well, your principal gave you a stellar opportunity. Besides, you guys have never really spent any time together outside of class. Maybe you could find some common ground and we can finally be free of your constant complaining.” Uhtred dug his nails into his palms.

“How,” he growled, “Could this possibly be a good thing? Stop acting like my dad, Ragnar, you’re only a year older than me. I thought you were on my side about him.”

“Is that what this is about, Uhtred? That you don’t need help?” Ragnar rounded his eyes pleadingly. “Come on, Uhtred, do it for your future. Not because I think you’re going to be some great brilliant fucking Einstein, but you need to get out of here. Don’t be like this. You’re doing it whether you like it or not. I will call Alfred and have him come to our house for tutoring. You can do this on your terms or on ours.” Uhtred growled and reached for his phone, standing up from the couch to head upstairs.

“Give him a chance,” Ragnar said again. “One chance.”

“Fine,” he hissed, “But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’m going to hate every fucking minute of this and you’re going to feel extremely guilty whenever you think about it!”

“Where do you think you’re going?! Your first session is at three,” Ragnar called after him. Uhtred just yelled in response and slammed his door shut, the little bells on his door handle jingling.

As he lay on his bed in his room, the door locked, Uhtred took the time to reflect about the day’s events so far.

Alfred Rex...he’s a total fucking prick.

Uhtred had met Alfred in his freshman year of high school. Alfred had gone to a different elementary and middle school than he had, but Winchester High was the only high school in the area. They’d immediately gotten off on the wrong foot and had been bitter enemies ever since. Uhtred thought Alfred was an officious, sickly, annoying pain in his arse and Alfred thought he was a stupid child that needed to be told what to do. Hate at first sight, truly.

Uhtred sighed. His sister Aethelflaed was so much nicer. She was a freshman, so he’d only met her this year, but he had no idea how the two of them were related. Aethelflaed was a social butterfly and tried to include everyone in everything she did, while Alfred was just a complete arseole. Dammit, why was he stuck with him?!

Growling, Uhtred threw his phone at the wall.

3:02 pm. He was past the point of no return. Pushing open the library doors reluctantly, Uhtred poked his head in, scanning the area. A couple of students he recognized were perusing the library’s faculties. Aldhelm Sawyer - an extremely tall brunet who had a bag of wet dicks for a personality - lounged on one of the couches with a science textbook propped on his lap, one leg crossed over the other. A pretty ginger girl whose name he thought was Eadith sat at a table by one of the windows across from a guy with dark hair; Eardwulf was his name, if Uhtred remembered correctly. Aethelflaed, Alfred’s younger sister, was using one of the computers. When he walked in, she turned around and smiled at him and he felt his heart flutter a bit. Something about her had that effect on people. On the other side of the room in the tutoring section, Odda - the principal’s little shit of a son - was giving a freshman tutoring session at one of the whiteboards. Alfred was nowhere in sight so Uhtred headed towards one of the open tables and plopped into a chair, checking his phone.

“You shouldn’t be on your phone if you’re here to learn,” a voice behind him said. Uhtred whipped around, hissing.

“What do you want,” he bit out, before thinking better of it when he recognized the owner of the voice as his tutor, Alfred. Alfred was...how did Uhtred describe him? He was tiny and slender, shorter than Uhtred by about half a foot. The first time they met, Uhtred mistook him for a twelve-year-old, even though they’d both been fourteen. His wispy brown hair fell just below his ears and he had a pair of bright blue eyes that were so intense they always made Uhtred feel uncomfortable, framed by a pair of silver wire lens glasses. In essence, he looked like a nerd, which was another reason why Uhtred hated him. Nerds were annoying.

Uhtred scoffed and pocketed his phone, leering up at Alfred balefully. “Whatever you say, Lord. I’m here for your blessings and guidance, so let’s get this started, shall we?” Alfred sat down and the two of them unpacked their belongings in silence.

“We’re going over English today, as per Odda’s suggestion, so why don’t you show me where you’re at?” Alfred asked, putting his chin in his palm.

“Yeah, go on, teach me stuff...English. I bet you’re fucking great at it.” Uhtred crossed one leg over the other and leaned back in his chair until the front legs were off the ground, hoping to provoke a reaction. He was disappointed; Alfred merely ignored his blatantly disrespectful behavior, instead ducking his head to flip through his English textbook.

“Feel free to disrespect me,” he murmured, “But rest assured that Principal Odda will hear about it, and my reports are extremely thorough. I don’t care what you say to me, but just know that it will reflect badly on you.”

Oh my gods, I fucking hate this guy so much!

“Yes, my Lord, I live only to serve you,” Uhtred snarked, clenching and unclenching his fists under the table. Leaning over, Uhtred pulled his folder out of his backpack and slid a paper out. “We’re reading Of Mice And Men. You might think that’s a bit below your skill set, but here you are.” Alfred snatched the paper from his hand, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t be facetious, Uhtred. Just shut up and let me read this. That’s what I’m here for, as you said.” Never having been one to follow orders, Uhtred opened his mouth to snark again, but Alfred snapped his fingers to grab his attention and glared at him.

“I said shut up. I’m reading,” he repeated, his eyes moving back and forth like the spool of a typewriter. After a couple of minutes, he set the paper flat on the table and bit his lip, looking a bit uncertain of what to do.

“Well, Lord? Does it meet your lofty expectations?”

“Can you not?” Alfred asked sharply, “And no, I’m sorry to say, it does not. What were you even trying to write? The subject of your analysis seems to jump to and fro. And while you are summarizing the story in your analysis, that’s all you’re doing. Summarizing. You’re not explaining why it’s important or what it means. Here, let me show you mine…”

“‘Bye, nerd,” Uhtred sneered, standing up and slinging his backpack over his shoulder. Alfred stood a bit more slowly, organizing all of his supplies into a neat pile before picking them all up and sliding them into his bookbag.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” Alfred inquired, not appearing bothered by the epithet apart from his clenched jaw. Good. “Make sure you incorporate what I told you today into your essay. I don’t want you to get a poor grade. And do keep in mind that I am reporting all of this to Principal Odda.”

Sure, whatever, Assfred! Feel free to slit your throat when you get home today! “...Yeah,” Uhtred said, before standing up and leaving without a word of thanks. Aethelflaed waved at him on his way out and he grinned back at her as he opened the doors.

“Welcome home, Uhtred,” Thyra greeted Uhtred as he stomped inside. The smell of spaghetti assaulted his senses and all of a sudden he felt much calmer than he had been a moment ago. “How was your first tutoring session?”

“Yeah, how was it?” Ragnar called from the living room, where he and Brida were cuddling yet again. The same movie as yesterday was paused on the TV and Uhtred had a feeling they hadn’t actually watched any of it and were just using it as an excuse to cuddle. A bowl of popcorn soaked in butter lay on Brida’s lap and the table was littered with empty beer cans, another in Ragnar’s hand.

“It fucking sucked. Alfred is even more of a bastard than I remember. Feel free to regret your decision completely,” Uhtred sniffed. Ragnar grimaced sympathetically.

“Is he seriously that bad?” he asked, snorting. “All I know about him is from your complaining.”

“He’s a fucking midget, but he tries to talk to me like he’s better than me! I fucking hate that, you know I do!” Uhtred threw his hands up. “He treats me like a stupid child and what’s more, he’s telling Odda everything that happens! Like some kind of probation officer! ‘Don’t disrespect me, Uhtred,’ ‘don’t use your phone when you’re supposed to be learning, Uhtred,’ ‘don’t breathe oxygen, Uhtred!’ He’s so annoying!”

“Sounds like a cunt,” Brida said.

“He is!!”

“Well, I’m sorry Uhtred, but if you want to pass your classes, your best bet is tutoring with him. You’re going to have to suck it up. Maybe you two just got off on the wrong foot,” he suggested, playing peacemaker.

“Not true,” Uhtred declared, “He just sucks at being a person.” He kicked Brida’s feet off the table so he could prop his own up and stole a popcorn kernel from her bowl. She flipped him off. “I’m just going to try to pass my classes this year and as soon as I do I’ll be totally done with him forever. Damn, that’ll be a good time.” Ragnar lifted his beer can in a toast.

“To the cunt who’s helping you pass your classes,” he said, and they echoed his toast as he downed his beer can and tossed it on the table.

“Ragnar, throw that empty beer can in the trash right now, you pig!” Thyra shouted from the kitchen. Ragnar shrugged and lazily kicked it onto the floor. “Ragnar!!” Giving Uhtred a ‘what-can-you-do’ expression, he stood up from the couch with a loud, obnoxious groan, plucking the beer can from the floor before lumbering to the kitchen.

“Hey, is dinner ready yet—”

“No! And stop asking, you animal, it’ll be ready when I say it is.”

“Geez, old woman, I was only asking, don’t hit me!”

Uhtred sat back against the couch and lifted the remote, clicking it until the TV changed to an acceptable channel. As the TV faded into background noise, he lifted his head to the ceiling and thought about what had happened that day.

Well, overall today sucked. I’m failing my classes and I’m getting tutored by Alfred, who’s a privileged arseole and also a complete tool. This whole year is going to be absolute bullshit with him around.

One chance, my arse. This year can’t end soon enough.

Art posts: @lauwrite1225‘s sketches of the high school!Coccham squad, @seaberrycloudberry‘s sketches of high school!Uhtred and Alfred, and @seaberrycloudberry‘s sketches of the characters in high school + sketches of Alfred, Aethelflaed, and Edward!!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. THEY’RE PERFECT. Tagging @bellamehblake, @lonelyislanddaydreamer, @caleb-16charisma-widogast, @ucancallmechlo, @cocchamscrew, @myenglandmylove, @nightskyfangirl, @morganology, @tsukkinami @pokeasleepingsmaug here it is you guys!! I finally posted something!!!

#tlk #tlk uhtred #tlk alfred #tlk hs au #tlk high school au #my fics #fanfic #I HAVE NEVER PUBLISHED A FIC BEFORE IN MY LIFE AAAAAA #pls be gentle #my writing #:(#edited bc copy paste does NOT know what italics are???? apparently???

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isadcrajade · 4 years

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💀 * [ barbie ferreira + cis female + she/her ] —— have you met isadora oliveira ? they are a twenty-one year old sophomore currently studying fashion design & merchandising. they live on keating house, and word around campus is that this aries is loyal + warm, as well as self-objectifying + obsequious. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. chocolate covered strawberries, gothic platforms, lingerie under leather jackets.

hiii bbies it’s me (gabby) finally here again to post this finalized, messy version of isa’s intro! she’s a brand new never-been-played muse of mine so it’s def bound to be a bit more scattered & less developed than ezra’s, but also much shorter? so i mean there’s a bonus lmao alright here we go:

so isadora (also known by many nicknames such as isa, izzy, iz, & dora the explora if ur trying to piss her off vgbjhksjs) was definitely not brought up in a world of prestige and recognition like the one she’s become so accustomed to in attending holloway university

growing up in the small town of lisbon, maine the only reality isa knew during her childhood was that of living as the only child of a woman who was (TW) both a compulsive liar & and compulsive hoarder. their house was floor to ceiling with things her mom collected as well as garbage built up over time- her condition had already driven isa’s father out of the house when she was just three years old, and she never had a relationship with him as a result

she was still fairly young when she realized the true severity of her own situation, just how abnormal it was compared to that of her friends. she missed out on so many rights of passage during her upbringing like birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. for much of her life her own living space / bedroom were just as bad off as the rest of the house, given her mom’s inability to keep from passing her hoarding tendencies onto her daughter. isa simply didn’t know any better at the time. to her, that was normal.

not only was her mom a compulsive liar & hoarder but she was also extremely neglectful, often leaving isa to her own devices in the dangerous environment they called home. as a result of this she (TW ED) developed harmful coping mechanisms surrounding food, regularly overeating to combat negative feelings of loneliness, and this went on from the time she was just a little girl all the way until she was in high school

high school was rough in many ways- she suffered depression, anxiety, experienced bullying at the hands of the more popular kids for her weight & her mother’s financial situation, and was all around extremely isolated from her peers- the only person she really had to depend on was her cousin (WC) . she had so much respect and envy for her cousin, they had more of a sisterly dynamic than anything, she was just so gorgeous and everything she did just seemed so effortless, to the point isa couldn’t help but idolize her and consider her a best friend.

like, remember when spongebob said he hoped that by being in squidward’s presence some of his artistic ability would rub off onto him? that was deadass isa & (WC) in high school jhbksnjs my girl was so sure if she just spent enough time with her she’d inherit some of her pretty & cool

high school was also where she reached a turning point when it came to her home environment, able to put a name to her mom’s condition after years of struggling with her strained and toxic relationship with her mom, and ultimately changed the rest of her life. she stayed the night at (WC’s) one night and after she fell asleep, isa stayed up watching TLC- it was there that she first discovered the TV show ‘hoarding: buried alive’ and realized there was a name for her mother’s infliction- but more importantly, learned that there was help available for her condition

when she went home to excitedly tell her mother that she’d basically discovered a cure, a means to change everything for them... she certainly hadn’t been expecting the reaction that came: her mom, who’d always been so indifferent toward her, so lethargic and uninterested in what she had to say, was suddenly listening very clearly- and she was not happy. isa had never heard her mom scream like that, had never really heard her express any heightened emotion, but it was in that moment at 17 years old, just a few weeks away from her 18th birthday, that she realized what she needed to do. she had no choice but to make plans to leave her mom behind.

the final weeks leading up to the big day she was counting on as a turning point consisted of her cleaning out her own space, little by little, enough that she had somewhere to set up her secondhand laptop and webcam. blowing out the candles on her 18th birthday cake came with wishing for a whole new life, and she was determined to make that for herself by any means necessary.

(TW SEX WORK) isa spent half her 18th year in her room working as a successful camgirl, showing everything but her face, & of course always being careful not to dox herself. she eventually earned enough money to start buying herself nicer clothes, but it didn’t take her long to realize she wanted more from life than just rotting away in her hometown. she bought herself a higher quality webcam to keep making money... and a nice sewing machine, something she’d always dreamed of owning.

all her life she’d been drawing and sketching as a means of escapism, it’d always been therapeutic to her to be creative and conjure up unique designs for outfits in her mind, drawing models in all shapes and sizes to represent her fantasy outfits. but she never felt like a visionary, even though anyone with an eye for fashion who got a look at her work could see that she had the natural talent and potential to be.

isa had been an a straight-A student her whole life despite having almost no support at home from her mother growing up, and with plenty of encouragement from (cousin WC), she plucked up the courage and applied for holloway university, with ivory falls being far enough from her hometown of lisbon, but still in the same state so that she could go and see her mother from time to time (bc although their relationship is quite strained now, she still loves and worries about her)

the next summer she received her acceptance letter at holloway u for the coming fall semester, and the fact that she’d been able to make it into such a prestigious school made her feel so proud of herself that she completely underwent a massive arc of character development; evolving into someone so much more confident. realizing that plenty of people found her desirable as she continued to earn money through cam shows had been part of that transformation, but realizing she was talented enough to get accepted into the fashion design and merchandising program at her dream school had a completely different effect on her.

( TW BODY IMAGE ISSUES ) isa decided that as she entered college, she was no longer going to be the meek, insecure girl constantly playing the role of the doting, loyal fat best friend to the ‘prettier main characters’ she’d always been sidekick to- she told herself that she was the main fucking character in her life from here on, and has spent her entire college experience up to this point just,, navigating as she figures out what that really means to her

still has a terrible underlying tendency to be overly-loyal and a bit obsessive with girls she closely befriends, if she has any kind of jealousy towards them. but ! is a lot more confident than she used to be, and it shows in the way she dresses and carries herself, as well as in her long-term goals (to transfer to FIDM for her final years of university)

( TW ED MENTION ) as a young adult, she’s mostly she’s replaced the compulsion to deal with her body image issues by using food to cope that she had as a teenager... by using sex to cope instead, so she’s definitely a bit promiscuous but does her best to keep that Her Own business

personality-wise she has a massive heart & is loyal to a fault but is also wild AF & loves a good time! never rly dabbled in drugs until she got to college but since then has acquired an interest in trying everything under the sun, even if it’s just one and done. mostly though she just likes to get really drunk & stupid. used to feel like she was constantly living in her cousin’s shadow, & in some ways she still does, but she’s trying hard to make herself believe that she’s reached a place where she won’t be playing second fiddle to anyone, ever again

i’m gonna shut the hell up now & stop pretending i know this character better than i do bc i deadass do not jbhnjss like she’s literally brand new so lemme go head & leave plenty of room for development!

same story as ezra i’ll have a full connections page posted for her soon but in the meantime some ideas i have are: friends, frienemies, ex friends, high school bullies, classmates, old high school friends, people she gets fuckt up with on the reg, people she hooks up with on the reg (any gender, she’s bisexual / biromantic), someone she had a crush on in high school / has pined for from afar maybe?? someone who used to watch her cam shows?? someone she almost kinda dated but Not? someone who she hooked up with while they were dating someone else?? idk that’s what i have for now but there’ll be more where that came from <3 xoxo like this or hmu !

#holloway.intro #this is a hot ass mess #but i'm rly excited to finally play her x

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youcantfiremebecauseiquit · 4 years

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I think Courtney Love is as fake as Emilie Autumn. They both created alternate pasts and idealized identities for the images they want to project as famous people.

I just realized i wrote 2 pages or something of text. If you asked me in person i’d tell you maybe two sentences but when i have to write, i write too much. Sorry lol.

It’s your opinion and you have right to think so. But CL being comparable to Emilie Autumn? Dude. Alternate pasts? What pasts? Courtney Love didn’t create her past, she literally had fucked up past. And she didn’t lie about her family. She would sometimes exaggerate while saying her Hollywood/rock anecdotes but she didn’t lie about her past. I recommend buying „Dirty Blonde”. Idk, I think you simply don’t like her. Courtney Love had kinderwhore look for a few years and then switched to designer clothes, but she doesn’t undermine her previous looks and records (except for Pretty On The Inside, she doesn’t like it now). Courtney doesn’t create any fake alternate reality, she have recurring themes (like fallen women for example), but she does what she wants while Emilie milks the same old worn out thing for years. She writes about anything she wants to, from violence towards women and shady strip club situations, fallen women, eating disorders, post partum depression, riot grrrl poser movements and elitism to love, mourning, beauty/ugliness and finally being broken, in a constant falling-rising up-falling cycle (especially on later records). EA basically only writes about one subject for years. Courtney’s music may not be complicated and she might not have a perfect voice/looks/personality but she’s honest in her songs – girls and boys worldwide find themselves in her lyrics and experiences. You may not like her but that doesn’t mean her music is fake. I don’t think Emilie Autumn’s lyrics are fake either, it’s just that she’s narcissistic, mean and compulsively lying, rewriting her past every few years and only accepting endless praise – if you don’t like her, you’re her enemy. Courtney Love doesn’t care. She lets people think whatever they want to think.

As a Courtney Love fan knowing a lot about her i look at her a little different than people not liking her/not reading,listening to her. Courtney Love fans know well that sometimes you’ve got to take what Courtney says with a huge grain of salt, cause she likes to exaggerate stories to make them more interesting. (And Kurt Cobain did the very same thing. “Rock’n’roll stories” from his diaries. The whole “i was bullied cause i desperately tried to sleep with disabled girl in high school” story from Montage of Heck? That’s a madeup story he wrote in diary and later recorded on tape when he was bored. Somehow people don’t consider him “liar”.) Usually as a Courntey fan you learn to notice that border, and you can somehow “feel” where she exaggerates. Mostly i’d say when we notice those moments we all kind of get amused and laugh it off & continue to reading further. It’s not like we immediately get offended like “OMG she’s a liar i’m a fan no more”. The problem with EA is nobody believed she could ever lie, you would get hunted by fans if you dared to doubt her words. Her „history” was designed as something 100% true and real, but it turned out there’s more of fake than truth, yet she still continues to keep up her lies.

You can dislike Courtney’s nowadays lifestyle like red carpet designer dresses and all that glamour. But “creating a past and persona” or being a liar comparable to Emilie Autumn? How so? She doesn’t lie about her name - everybody knows her real name and she never pretended that Love is her birth surename. She adapted name Courtney Love in 80′s after her friend Pat Smear (from The Germs & later Nirvana) told her this would be a good artistic nickname for her.

Courtney Love never lied about her parents or her youth. She had bad experiences with her family & certainly was raised poorly, but she didn’t try to rewrite her story or bury her parents in the “fire” (although she has good reasons to). Everybody knows about her therapist mother Linda Carrol & her father is Hank Harrison, previously manager of The Grateful Dead band. Courtney was even featured on the back cover on one of their records as a tiny child. Courtney wasn’t on good terms with mother and usually circled between her and other relatives. Her father is a complete piece of shit - he gave Courtney LSD when she was a toddler, which was why he lost a custody of her. He claims to know his daughter so well, even though he wasn’t raising her at all, and wrote a fucking book about how psychotic Courtney is, although he lost custody of her when she was a tiny toddler. And how Courtney killed Kurt. No, actually, he wrote A FUCKING BIOGRAPHY OF KURT, even though he never met him. Of course Kurt-was-murdered conspiracy fans consider him their beloved mascot because of that, asking for his opinion & believing anything he says.

Her family certainly weren’t as rich as EA’s, but they had some recognition and money. In the beginning of 80′s CL started getting some trust fund left by maternal grandparents, so she could afford going to other countries & make additional money stripping.

Later she spent youth in different countries & boarding schools, later got arrested for shoplifting and spent time in correctional facility for teenage girls. In Dirty Blonde book she wrote about her experiences from that time, printed some papers from Hillcrest describing her behaviour. Idk, but Emilie Autumn took A HUGE inspiration from Courtney’s Dirty Blonde book. All the idea for including papers from hospital, all scrapbooking style was taken from Courtney. Even the fucking “red crayon” - guess what, Courtney’s book begins with a letter from facility written in red crayon, cause they don’t allow them to have pens.

The only thing i have doubts about are her universities. She said she studied English, philosophy & theology but I think it was only a few months/semesters. When you say someone studied this and that you immediately think the person finished studies, but in fact she was starting and dropping learning. But she never said she graduated or anything, so i think it is obvious she studied for one or two semesters or in weekends or something.

She always had an interest in rock music, although she prefered 80′s new wave and stuff like Fleetwood Mac and Echo and The Bunnymen, which she always admitted anyway. It’s not like she suddenly adapted rock music after it became profitable. She only learned how to play guitar in the very beginnings of Hole, so she probably only wanted to sing earlier. In the 80′s she spent time in Liverpool. She was hanging around with Echo and The Bunnymen band and apparently lived at Julian Cope’s house. It’s not made up, cause Cope was really jealous of her fame in 90′s. Plus i heard he wrote about her in his autobiography. Somebody wrote a book about Courtney’s time spent in Liverpool and London this year, but i don’t have it yet. But it’s not like she took all those stories from nowhere, she really spent time living with Echo & being a friend/roadie for other bands. I remember she also knew Joe Strummer, she was a friend or a roadie for The Clash. Later they also starred in Alex Cox’s movie. She was a young impressionable girl at the time, so she was learning from those bands. She had more goth/punk style at the time.

People excuse her of leeching of whatever rockband she can & you can interpret it however you want, but seeing how she roadied with punk bands in her teens and how she liked to meet new rock bands after she got famous shows she liked to surround herself with people from rock circles. Men from rock bands hang around other men/women from other bands all the time but it’s always Courtney Love that gets shit for that.

You can doubt Courtney’s words on her inventing “kinderwhore” and starting that style trend. Although it was Courtney who coined that term. People usually yell that Courtney is unoriginal and that she stole the style from Kat Bjelland. And i say bullshit, it wasn’t even started by Kat. The girl from Divinyls did it before (CL admited she took it from her), Kim Shattuck of The Muffs did it before.

She said she liked cute dresses so much as an adult cause her mother always dressed her up rather manly– if you look at her childhood photos she indeed wasn’t looking like a „girly girl”, her mother was much into hippie culture. She got into that feminine look as she lost a lot of weight in the beginning of 90’s, so i guess that’s why she could pull off that babydoll look. Anyway here’s the interview where she explains the idea behind her style:

youtube

Courtney listened to different bands, she liked harsh noise like Big Black but she also liked Fleetwood Mac. She posted an advert she’s looking for people inspired by these particular bands, so it’s not like she was lying about her softer music side. I believe Pretty On The Inside was partly a “fuck you” to Kat Bjelland, partly she wanted to record the heaviest, most noisy record by a girl-fronted band. You could say she wasn’t honest cause she tried to impress people from that scene and be cool enough for them. Well, Courtney actually admitted later she wanted to prove her worth, impress people from that scene etc. That’s why the record is so noisy. But the lyrics aren’t fake. That kind of writing was consistent in her poems. She took those themes from her experiences, people she knew and situations she observed as a girl in a stripping business.

I don’t know how can anyone even judge if Live Through This era was fake or not, recording wise she competed with her husband and wanted a more polished record. But later in 1994 or 1995 she was a wreck, numbed with heroin after what happened. It’s really fucking hard to „fake a persona” when you’re a) mourning b) on heroin/oxy. What’s there to fake? Wearing skirts, missing Kurt or being on drugs? That’s fucking disrespectful to say that was „fake”.

Now a lot of people say she sucked after Celebrity Skin, but the truth is Celebrity Skin was probably her most real album/era soundwise. And I don’t even like this album that much. It was inspired by new wave/more poppy rock bands she loved and Courtney was actually satisfied with how it sounds. It was just a good time to her – she quit drugs, she had a successful album and tour, she was nominated for Golden Globe in 1996, she looked genuinely happy and glowing. People were mad cause she changed style – i think she changed style because of her acting career, to continue acting she probably wanted more polished look. But was it always that polished? She would hang out her tits onstage or dress as that „trash fairy” in 1999, so I’d say this glittery look was also partly ironic. And people saying she’s fake cause she chose acting career seem to forget she originally wanted to be an actress, she played in Sid and Nancy & Straight To Hell in 80’s.

People who say „oh she’s a fame whore” – well it’s not like she was ever hiding she likes/she always wanted fame. She wrote she likes fame because it’s challenging, because she gets off on it, etc.

I have mixed feelings about her designer clothes and red carpet looks and at times it seems fake to me too, cause red carpet is usually fake and embarrassing. It’s quite a contrast to her older punk & kinderwhore style. But people change with age anyway… Brody Dalle doesn’t look especially punk anymore, Kat Bjelland doesn’t wear dolly clothes. Emilie Autumn looks like a fucking christian grandma, sorry. Courtney Love likes designer clothes. *shrug*

However Courtney Love’s character and behaviour is consistent throughout the years, she talks the same as always. She doesn’t craft a new personality every few years like EA and she doesn;t erase her past like EA. She doesn’t milk her fans making overpriced shitty merch. It’s true it’s been a lot of years since she last released a CD, but she’s been releasing singles and touring A LOT during this decade, also engaging in fashion design and art. Emilie Autumn sits at home and makes stupid faces at her iPhone, produces more merch and doesn’t make/post music/play violin anymore.

The only thing I don’t like about her is how she can’t play guitar anymore. She used to know how to play guitar, you can watch any 1990-1995 show to see she knew how to play guitar. In CS era she would sing without guitar more, but she still could play. But after 2010 her abilities decreased a lot, someone leaked a sound of her live guitar and it turned out her playing became really… weak. She said after her cocaine use she lost ability to play and didn’t even know how to move her fingers, that she was learning playing all over again in rehab. Idk if something happened to her hands or if she’s just too lazy these days. It would improve if she just practiced everyday. Of course if you don’t practice you’ll get worse – i know it well cause i had a few years without playing guitar too. But it’s not like it’s impossible to improve. Other than that… yeah, i’m not really crazy about her designer clothes and event looks. I don’t like things like that. But she likes it, so why shouldn’t she go with that.

Courtney can be nice, can be mean, but she never flipped shit the same as Emilie Autumn. She likes fame but she knows where she fucks up while Emilie most of the time thinks she’s more famous than she is and is so full of herself. Courtney Love knows she’s not the greatest guitarist and singer, while Emilie thinks of herself as „virtuoso” and shades every other violinist in rock music (and violists), while in fact she is the epitome of „failed violinist”. She played music for easily impressionable fans who knew nothing about classical music, so it was easy for her to impress them with her fake violin playing with violin playback coming straight from the tape. It takes to be a high level of being a snowflake to claim you’re a virtuoso when in reality you never play live and if you do you play only scales, making beginner mistakes and being mediocre at most.

Emilie Autumn always presented everything about herself to be true and personal, people believed her and literally praised her for that, feeling connection with her because they had bipolar disorder or stayed at psychiatric hospital, or lost family in a fire for real… And then it turned out all of Emilie Autumn’s life was a lie. She was hiding a real bitch under the guise of this cool „virtuoso” goth bipolar girl Emilie Autumn. Every year brought some new drama, she was less and less credible. She behaved awfully and treated her fandom like shit repeatedly. I don’t know, i got interested in her at some point but i can’t stand her now & i don’t keep up with her stuff anymore (although i read on her latest blm drama), why bother yourself with someone who doesn’t respect anyone. You can dislike Courtney Love and i understand it, but I don’t see how she could be comparable to EA’s shit.

As for „idealized identities”… you realize that Courtney was on drugs most of her career? She would fuck up so much, getting ridiculed by the press and regular people. She would often embarrass herself unintentionally, she would often end up all smeared and tousled in a way that wasn’t planned as a „kinderwhore look for the evening”. Getting fat, getting horribly thin, sometimes looking nice but often looking what society perceives as ugly. People hated her and they still do. Her life was a mess at various points of her life and she was judged harshly… if that idealized version to you? People might preffer her kinderwhore days but when i look at it now, she had better days but some certain looks from early 90’s sometimes only highlighted how bad she felt at the time. Her most „ideal” version was 1996 and Celebrity Skin look, up to 2000 i’d say, she would wear nice clothes, brush her hair, add glitter, looking glam – as i said, she quit drugs in 1996 to be able to play in movies, i believe she wanted her life to change for the better, to try to be happier, to look nicer and cleaner and to set an example for her daughter. I think it’s awesome that she manager to get better, i wish i could change my life. Unfortunately in 2003 she went downhill again, this time it was in some days even worse cause she got into cocaine and something else, her album was a flop (interestingly, there was another, rockier version of American’s Sweetheart but Virgin Records told her to rerecord everything and put out worse songs), she would end up in court, she would lose the custody of Frances and had to go through drug tests and rehabs. She had ED i think, she gained a lot of weight at the time then went to stick thin. It was dragging on and you know how it went later, she was better and worse moments, still doing prescription drugs on and off, flopping with new version of Hole. I haven’t checked what she’s doing these days and kind of lost track but i think she’s so much better now and successful, she’s got fans wanting to see her live, she reunited with Hole members and she released a few solo singles that were actually fucking awesome (Courtney don’t be shy, make a new album, you actually write good songs recently). „Idealized identities”, well she’s as idealized as Amy Winehouse, lol.

Courtney is human and makes mistakes all the time, but she doesn’t get offended when someone points them out and acknowledges her mistakes. Emilie Autumn thinks she does nothin wrong, she’s always right and if you don’t like it, fuck you, get outta her house, fucking patronizing fucking. Idk why should i explain it any longer, it’s obvious.

#asks

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pomegranate-belle · 5 years

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Fic or Treat: how about smth based on your post the other day where Foggy doesn't realize he's in love with Matt 'objectively 11/10, anything less is heresy' Murdock? 😂 (it's been DAYS & i'm still thinking abt it so here we are LOL)

So this is somehow simultaneously set before Defenders and after DDS3 idk man, whatever.

Props to @kat8porgs and @thosemintcookies and @letsgetthisblog for helping me come up with some Dudes Hotter Than Matt Murdock, lol

—

Matt Murdock is pretty much the hottest guy on the planet. It’s an objective fact. There’s a lot of times Foggy despairs of this, but he’s never once questioned it; his best friend is a solid 10/10. Probably 11/10 when he does that one really sappy smile that only makes an appearance when he’s completely at ease or super drunk.

Misty Knight does not seem to agree, based on the unimpressed look on her face.

And look, there’s no accounting for taste, but Matt’s on another level. His appeal is undeniably universal. Like, as much as people have teased Foggy about fawning over Matt, it’s not gay or anything. Really. He’s just secure enough in his masculinity to be able to recognize how unfairly smokin’ hot his bff is. It’s a purely platonic observation, and the proof is that everyone else thinks Matt’s hot too.

“He’s not hot,” Misty says flatly, pushing Foggy’s phone back to the center of the cafe table.

It’s got one of Foggy’s best pictures of Matt on it — sitting at his desk in their office, hands scanning over some document or other and a look of intense concentration on his face. The lighting’s just right to show the red in his glasses and highlight his jaw.

“Are you high?” Foggy demands, jabbing a finger at the screen. “Just look at him! He’s beautiful!”

Misty snorts, then puts up her hands when Foggy glares at her.

“Look,” she begins, very obviously and condescendingly humoring him, “I’m not saying he’s ugly or anything, but when you say ‘ungodly man-beauty’ I expect to see some, y’know, ungodly man beauty. This? This is a generic-looking white boy.”

She’s lost it. That’s the only explanation. There’s nothing generic about Matt. Foggy tells her so, and her eyes sharpen a little with interest, though her mouth stays firmly in that ‘oh you poor fool’ smirk. In truth, maybe challenging a headstrong detective isn’t the smartest move; Misty is very perceptive. Not that Foggy has anything to hide. Because he doesn’t. And even if he did, he’s not necessarily known for making smart, rational decisions. Case in point: knocking out mobsters with a baseball bat, associating with someone reckless enough to earn the moniker Daredevil, and dating Marci Stahl not just once but twice.

Misty spins the phone back around and takes a second look, but there’s no dawning realization in her eyes. She shakes her head.

“And you couldn’t have gotten a picture sometime after he remembered how to use a razor?” she asks.

Foggy, of course, is offended on behalf of Matt’s pleasantly stubbly jaw. Matt looks good all the time, but he looks a lot less baby-faced with a little bit of facial hair — Foggy’s not sure whether a full-on beard would work well for Matt, but the stubble looks just right.

“The scruffiness is part of his charm!” he insists.

“He looks like a sad hobo in a business suit,” comes Misty’s totally ruthless reply.

Foggy has to gather his phone to his chest to protect Matt’s picture from such hurtful words.

“Sad hobo? We’re not talking about Rand again, are we? Because I got an earful from Hogarth the last time I suggested someone that rich should get better-fitted suits,” a familiar voice cuts in.

“Marci!” Foggy perks up — at last, a voice of cold, neutral sanity! “You’re finally here!”

Marci rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling with one eyebrow quirked and her arms subtly open — her usual ‘give me a hug’ posture.

“You didn’t think I’d miss a girls’ day out, did you?”

There’s a sudden, unexpected rush of relief and joy through Foggy’s veins as he thinks about their rekindled friendship. No matter how rough their first breakup was or how awkward their second, he’d missed her a lot in the years they weren’t speaking. He slips his phone into his pocket, then folds Marci into a hug.

“It’s good to see you too, Foggy Bear. I hear it’s been a busy month for you. Getting into heated disagreements with law enforcement again?”

As if he does it all the time! Really, it’s just bickering with Brett. And the people on the vigilante task forces. And those guys who’d been hassling Luke. And... Ok, maybe she has a point. Foggy clears his throat.

“Listen, that’s not important. I need you to tell Misty that she’s crazy. She says Matt’s not objectively attractive. But you saw, he had tons of dates in college, obviously all the girls thought he was hot.”

Marci gives Foggy a pitying smile that begins to erode his confidence with stomach-twisting effectiveness.

“Sweetie, the reason Murdock got so many dates was because he was confident but not a sexist jackhole.” She smirks. “Well. And because he was a big slut and everybody knew it. It’s not like there weren’t hotter guys on campus.”

“Name one,” Foggy orders, putting his hands on his hips like his Ma used to whenever he and Theo broke a window with their baseball.

Marci is a known bitch so she begins listing people off on her fingers.

“That guy Wyatt that Jen Walters started dating after you two broke up. The exchange student from Wakanda that quit second year. Eddie Brock on a good day. Sam Wilson every day. Cranston that one time in 2L when he was definitely trying to score with you. Shall I go on?”

“Tried to—” Foggy’s head is spinning, and he loses whatever argument he’d been cooking up about Matt’s hotness relative to these other guys. “Larry Cranston was a straight up dick, he never tried to score with me!”

“He definitely tried to score with you,” insists Marci. “At that post-midterm party first semester. But he’d already insulted Murdock by that point so you’d erased him from your dating pool and didn’t notice.”

“Well— then good riddance,” Foggy decides.

He continues to argue with Marci and Misty both until Karen arrives. Her face tells Foggy she’s somewhere between concerned and amused, but not enough to stop over before she’s got her drink in hand.

“The last time I saw you this fired up you were taking DA Tower to task,” she greets him. “What’s going on?”

“These two—” Foggy gestures at Marci and Misty— “have clearly lost it.”

“You’re the odd one out here,” says Misty.

But if he can get Karen to join his side, he won’t be — it’ll be fifty-fifty again.

“Look, unlike everyone else in this room she actually dated Matt, she’s got to agree with me. He’s objectively super hot, right, Karen?”

Karen blinks. Then she glances out the window and takes a long, awkward slurp of her coffee. Foggy throws his hands in the air. His perception of the world is literally crumbling around him. Or else everyone else has gone nuts.

“Karen, come on!” Foggy all but pleads. “You dated him!”

“Because he was really sweet to me! It’s not like someone has to be Adonis for me to date them, Foggy, I’m not that shallow! I mean, I like how he looks well enough, but he’s not as hot as, I don’t know, Idris Elba or Jason Momoa or somebody.”

She seems unbothered by the assertion. But, the thing is... Well, movie stars are all well and good, Foggy supposes, but they don’t have Matt’s... Matt-ness. That perfect, undefinable, essence-of-Matt thing that accentuates his natural beauty. Foggy doesn’t know how even Karen could have missed it, but Foggy’s got evidence on his side. He thumbs through the photos on his phone again, stopping on one from a couple months ago.

It’s of Matt, obviously. A closer shot, facing him head on. His hair is ruffled, his glasses are off, and there are small, happy little crinkles at the corner of his eyes. His smile is earnest and stunning. There’s a single fading bruise on his jaw. It’s Foggy’s absolute favorite picture of Matt, incontrovertible proof that Matt’s happiness isn’t trapped in rosy memories of the past. Proof that Daredevil is still Matt, still Foggy’s Matt, that the solid core of their friendship was never a lie.

Foggy wasn’t gonna use this — his final resort — because it’s... It’s private, and close to his heart. Matt keeps these smiles hidden, doesn’t show them to just anybody or for just any reason. It makes Foggy feel like he should guard them too. But the others just don’t get it, and Foggy’s determined to make them understand. Squaring his shoulders, he shoves his phone at Misty.

“There!” he snaps. “Ok? Just— just look at that smile and tell me he’s only average!”

Misty accepts the phone and studies the picture on it for a long, long time.

“I’ll give you the smile,” she admits at last, handing it back. “It is a nice one. But it still only bumps him up to 7/10.”

Foggy’s jaw drops.

“That’s ridiculous!”

“It isn’t though, Foggy Bear,” sighs Marci, raking her manicured nails through her hair. “It’s totally reasonable, you just can’t make an objective judgment because you’re literally in love with him.”

Foggy laughs, but it sounds strained and hysterical even to his own ears.

“Of course I’m not in love with him.”

Karen reaches out and squeezes his shoulder with a look on her face that makes Foggy want to scream.

“Foggy...”

“I’m not!”

Because he’s not. He isn’t, he can’t be. He can’t be in love with Matt, because that would suck. Not loving Matt, any idiot would be lucky to do that, but... Matt has a Type. And regardless of what Marci and Misty and Karen say about Matt’s own attractiveness, it’s at least true that the people Matt goes for are always super beautiful women. That being the criteria, Foggy’s a perfect zero out of a hundred. Being in love with Matt would be an exercise in futility, and more than a little pathetic.

“I’m not, I...” Foggy tries again, staring down at the picture of Matt smiling. “I...” His heart squeezes in his chest. “Oh, god, I’m in love with him.”

When Foggy manages to look up, the others are watching him with concern. That seems appropriate, because he himself is also very concerned, beneath the numbness of his shock.

“Oh, Foggy Bear...” Marci sighs. “I’m sorry. I thought you just didn’t want to admit it out loud. I never realized you didn’t actually know.”

Foggy takes a shaky breath, squeezes his eyes shut until he’s sure he’s not gonna start crying.

“This sucks,” he says, trying to make light of it and failing epically when his voice breaks.

Even though she looks the most uncomfortable, Misty is the first to speak.

“Isn’t it better to know?”

“Not even a little,” Foggy says miserably. “Because he won’t— he wouldn’t want...”

“You don’t know that, Foggy,” Karen tells him.

But he does know that. Matt has a Type, and Foggy isn’t it. He shakes his head.

“What... What am I supposed to do now...?”

“Now,” Karen says firmly, grabbing one of his hands and lacing their fingers together, “we go have our girls’ day out.”

It’s Marci’s turn to choose, so Foggy expects to spend the afternoon day-drinking away his feelings. Instead, he ends up at an animal shelter.

Marci does not like dogs, but she’s very partial to kittens, and doesn’t even seem to mind all the fur getting on her designer clothes. Meanwhile, Karen spends her time making goofy cooing noises to a particularly happy pit bull, and Misty plays fetch with an excitable golden retriever.

“It’s just like Danny,” she jokes, startling a laugh out of Foggy for the first time since his unfortunate realization.

For his own part, Foggy plays a little with as many of the animals as he can, but he’s especially fond of an orange tabby that likes to pounce off of high places. Because of course that’s the one that catches his eye, right? Foggy is, he’s beginning to realize, completely hopeless.

Truthfully, though, hanging out with Misty, Karen, Marci, and the animals does manage to do a good job of keeping his mind off the whole Matt Thing entirely — right up until they drop him off at his apartment. Afterwards, well, there’s nothing to distract him. Foggy spends the evening moping, and maybe eats too much ice cream before curling up under the covers and taking an early night.

—

He wakes at what the red numbers on his alarm clock assure him is 3:17am. There’s a rapid, ceaseless knocking on his window. Foggy takes a good five seconds to groan into his pillow and then forces himself to get up.

However, he’s barely climbed out of his bed before he’s tackled back into it. A very familiar idiot in a black mask is pinning him to the sheets, gloved hands on his shoulders, knees bracketing his hips.

“Foggy, Foggy—”

“Matt what the fuck?” Foggy wheezes, because— really, what the fuck?

Matt rips off his mask and throws it somewhere. He’s grinning like an idiot, and even in the low light Foggy can tell that the look in his eyes is tender but exhilarated.

“You’re in love with me?” Matt asks, breathless and giddy.

The combination of those words with that unexpected tone means Foggy has to give his brain a few seconds to reboot before he can reply.

“I. I’m. Yes?”

Matt’s smile becomes somehow more dazzling.

“Good,” he says, like a big dork, and tugs Foggy up into a kiss.

It’s a good kiss. Like, a really good kiss. So good that maybe it takes Foggy a few minutes of really good kissing and one pinch to his own arm to be sure it’s not a dream.

Eventually, probably because it’s literally 3:30 in the freaking morning, Matt flops himself down on Foggy’s chest and his ardor cools into sleepy, catlike nuzzling.

“I love you too,” he offers at last, about fifteen minutes after he really ought to have, still pressing tiny kisses to Foggy’s throat.

Foggy can only laugh and gather him closer, disbelief and joy fizzing in his chest like soda.

“Yeah. I kind of figured.”

—

It’s 8:42 the next morning when Foggy thinks to ask what exactly tipped Matt off about his feelings. Matt’s posture gets cagey and sheepish.

“What?” Foggy asks. “Is it really that bad?”

“Well...”

Matt pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and holds it out for Foggy to take. After some silent prompting, Foggy accepts it and navigates to voicemail amidst the narration of the phone’s screen reader. There’s one message. Cautiously, Foggy clicks play.

“Hey!” Marci’s voice says loudly. “Hey! Answer your phone Murdock, I know you don’t sleep! Fucker.”

She’s pretty clearly drunk. The voicemail only gets more angry and incoherent from there; Foggy’s pretty sure she calls Matt ‘Wal-Mart brand white bread’ at one point, which... Ouch. But she also says a lot of sappy stuff about Foggy deserving the world. And then it returns to the insults when she says that if Matt wasn’t ‘too busy cultivating a greasy Castaway beard’ he would have admitted his ‘stupid, stu— smoof— smooch— schmoopy, that’s the one, schmoopy’ feelings by now because Foggy loves him too and they’re both big idiots making themselves sad for no reason.

“Ah,” Foggy murmurs when the message finally, finally ends. “Well. That’s... Something.”

Matt nods, chokes out a laugh.

“Pretty much,” he agrees.

“Um. I... I’m really sorry about her.”

“No. I, um... I’m glad. You know. That she called,” Matt tells him, and wow that earnest face is too intense for Foggy’s poor weak heart. “I.” Matt straightens his shoulders, takes a deep breath. “I love you.”

“Yeah,” Foggy says wonderingly. “You do, don’t you?”

He can see it now, on Matt’s face — and he suddenly realizes it’s been there a long time, that part of Matt’s indescribable beauty, his Matt-ness, is... Being-in-love-with-Foggy-ness. That Foggy makes Matt as happy as Matt makes him.

“Foggy,” Matt whines, mouth curling down into a slight pout.

“What?” And then it hits him. “Oh! Right. Yeah. I love you too, Matty.”

And like magic, like the flash of sunlight reflecting off glass, it’s back again — Matt’s perfect smile.

#mattfoggy #fic or treat #daredevil #writing #ellicelluella

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the-cookie-of-doom · 4 years

Note

Hey Cookie! It’s the anon who asked about Estranged’s process, you can call me Ursula, so you know when I’m here! I’ll also leave my name, too. x I saw your post about your dream of Mitch and Stiles and had a question, when you further the writing over the span of a year as you said, will they actually be in a relationship or is it casual between them? Does Stiles eventually stay with his brother and/or visit him throughout? It was funny to see Mitch actually being serious about hiring Stiles!

I haven’t settled on an EXACT timeline yet actually I haven’t even written anything down but what I’m thinking is something like this:

January: Stiles, after trying to deal with everything on his own since what, Early November? Since everything happened just after Halloween? goes to stay with Mitch.

The first few chapters of the story (up to Afterimage at least) would take place across the next few months/spring semester. Originally I had it that Mitch’s fights were a Friday night/weekend thing, but then while writing later chapters I thought it would be better for it to be more sporadic than that, not a set schedule. If you would like a MINOR spoiler, Mitch fights when the psychic feedback is getting too much. He needs an outlet. And as Derek said, pain makes you human; that’s a running theme in this story, but Mitch and Stiles take it to a self-destructive level. But I want Stiles to be watching him and studying his movements/behaviors over a longer period of 2-3 months to really build a pattern.

Stiles and his dad probably agreed to let Stiles finish out Junior year in New York, and then come home for summer. If Stiles does, then things are awful and he hates it, and goes back to New York, idk.

Stiles is probably back with Mitch by the late summer; he doesn’t want to touch Senior year with a 10 foot pole, and online school was working for him, so why not continue? After getting settled back in New York again things are better the second time around. This is where you start to see things like chapter 13, where Mitch and Stiles are going out and having fun together. I had one scene (which I will be posting later in my Deleted Scenes collection) where Mitch takes Stiles to Switzerland on a business trip, that was RIFE with sexual tension. It was actually going to be the first time they slept together, but obviously I would have to take that out of the extended version ;)

Although, my original “plan” for Estranged, back before I even had the details sorted (Mitch could read Stiles mind in this version, I hadn’t fully decided on Mitch’s powers and what he could/couldn’t do yet) they go to Switzerland, maybe they sleep together maybe they don’t. but there was some Naughtiness happening. But it freaks Stiles out because he thinks he’s the one taking advantage, which confuses Mitch, until Stiles explains about the Malia situation, when then makes Mitch feel bad, and they’re just a disaster. But after they get home from Switzerland, Stiles wants to go back home because he doesn’t know where they stand and everything is just all screwed up, but Mitch convinces him to stay. I think? That idea is 2 and a half years old at this point so details are hazy, but lol draft one of this fic was SO messy and all over the place, you have no idea. What I have posted now is unrecognizable compared to where it started.

Anyway.

The current chapter I’m working on would probably START in October, Early November at the latest, where Stiles goes home after the big reveal. I really want a solid 2 months or so for Stiles to be depressed at home, which is made worse because home doesn’t even feel like home anymore, so he’s really out of place and adrift. He feels cut off from everything, and it’s Not Great. Right now Stiles contacts Mitch I think after like 2-3 days, but I would really prefer 2-3 weeks of no talking. Then they reconcile, and then there’s a few more weeks of Sexual Tension and some jerking off in the shower, etc.

So to answer your question: it would essentially be the most painful slowburn ever! They’re pining so hard for each other! Except it’s for a year! It’s awful!

And yes, Stiles will end up staying with Mitch! I’ve been waffling on how I want to do it, but I know that later down the line, Stiles does stay in New York for college. He goes to Columbia and Mitch pays his tuition, which makes John incredibly uncomfortable on a parental level, but... stiles didn’t exactly ask permission. And neither did Mitch, actually, from either of them. Stiles pitched the idea of going staying for college, which Mitch was perfectly happy with. But later he found Stiles going through different schools and he was clearly Stressed, but he wouldn’t say why. But Mitch saw Stiles’ notebook full of numbers and put together that he was stressed out about tuition costs, and so just point blank said he would pay for it. But Stiles couldn't just accept that because it’s a lot of money for Mitch to throw at him and oh god what if he fails out in the first semester? What if he’s awful in college? does he even really need to go? it’s not like any universities have a major in Emissary Magic School anyway, and--

And Mitch has to shut him up and convince Stiles to just accept it; Mitch has the means, Stiles should be able to go wherever he wants without worrying about the cost. That’s what families for, right? Just let him help.

Then once college is sorted out, Stiles calls his dad and just kind of blurts okay by the way Mitch is paying for my college! And it’s not like John can say no to that, it would break Stiles’ heart.

Then FAR into the future (I mean not that far, but a few years, Stiles was like 23) - and fair warning this started out as a cracky convo between my friend and I, that turned serious - Peter moves back to New York. He, Stiles, and Mitch are fast frenemies, they have a standing coffee date to meet up and talk shit. Peter loathes Mitch because his mind reading means he’s always one step ahead of Peter’s machinations, and Stiles always thought Mitch was so Mature and Adult, but around Peter he becomes such a petty punk. The reason I’ve dropped references to Peter here and there is to start laying the ground work for that future ot3; their dynamic is COMPLICATED. (but in case some people aren’t into it, they are a separate fic unto themselves).

But yes, in both versions, they are very devoted to each other! It’s a lot of tragic longing in that first year, and then having to figure out how to navigate… everything. But once they’re together, they’re Together.

And I have no idea if Mitch would actually hire Stiles or not, because I think Stiles is going to major in ancient history/occultism/something like that, because he does become a historian. but Mitch continues taking Stiles to various business functions, and it just becomes widely assumed that Mitch is mentoring Stiles in the family business.

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derryhawkins · 5 years

Text

I Love Him, Your Honor

summary: During college, Richie works part time at a law office for the sole reason it pays well, and he honestly thinks it’s utter hell. But then he meets another part time employee who works down in the file room and, well, maybe the law office isn’t completely hellish. words: 4.5k a/n: i honestly don’t even know why i’m posting this but hey i made an ao3 account finally and you can read this on there if you want! richie’s part time job is purely based off of mine; i got this idea yesterday when leaving and just ran with it, and thus this chapter was born. idk when the next chapter will be up but pls give this love

chapter one: you need a job

“Look, Rich,” Ben Hanscom starts as they exit their shared physics course, sidestepping a few other college students who were being slow. He calls back a genuine sorry after accidentally shoving one of them before turning back to his friend, the curly haired boy just barely passing him in height. “You need a job. You’re nearly twenty! Bev says they need help over there, like, so bad. They had to fire someone, and two others quit and they’re leaving in a week.”

Richie Tozier looks at Ben incredulously. The dark haired college student knew full and well of Beverly Marsh; the short little redhead is one of his best friends and Ben’s fiancée. Richie likes to give himself credit for their relationship, because according to him, he set them up back in freshman year of high school. Six years later and they’re engaged, and Bev has a full time job after finishing college within two years, and Ben’s on his way to (hopefully) be an architect. Of course, that’s not how it went. Richie and Beverly met Ben in a crappy, run down elevator that worked from time to time at their school. Ben had been running late, the other two were ditching. They got stuck for five hours in that crappy elevator. Richie just likes to say he planned it. But, of course, that’s not what this current situation is about. (And the school banned anyone from using the elevator there on out).

“Bev works at a law office, Ben!” Richie yells, throwing his hands in the air as if to make a point. “All they do is sit at desks in front of computers.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “Like sitting at home on your phone or in front of the TV aren’t the same thing as sitting in front of a computer.”

Richie ignores the sarcasm. “I don’t need a job.”

“You quit your other one last month. We’re in college, man! It’s like, I dunno, death not having a job. You need to eat food!”

“I can get breakfast, lunch, and dinner here because I’m in a dorm, and on the weekends when I’m home the ‘rents cook. I’m fine!”

It’s silent as Ben gives Richie a look while they continue to walk down the steps of the building, mixing in with other students who are either leaving or heading to class. Thankfully for Richie, he only has physics today; the only down side is that it’s an 8am course, and it had been the only one available when he signed up for classes. He has Ben, though, so it isn’t all too terrible. And it’s his only 8am. Half of the others are hybrids – he only has to show up for the midterm and final, and turn in work online – and the others are either afternoon or night classes. He has it pretty easy this semester.

So, yes, he can easily get a job, and he has been thinking of getting one, but now both Ben and Beverly are pestering him about it and suddenly he doesn’t want to get one. Richie scratched at his jaw as he thought of his previous job – the stereotypical college job at McDonald’s. He’s worked there since junior year of high school, and it wasn’t that it was bad. It had been decent, at most. He liked the money, liked the food he got to bring home and to his friends, and liked the cute girls and guys who walked in. He just quit because it got too ‘going through the motions’. Richie knows a law office isn’t going to be much better.

If he gets a job, he wants to at least like it.

The January wind nips at them as they step outside, both guys’ faces scrunching up in various forms of oh shit it’s cold. Ben fixes the scarf around his neck to cover his nose and wraps his arms around himself. Meanwhile, Richie just hunches his shoulders, clenching his teeth together. In just a t-shirt, a thin zip-up jacket that’s not zipped up, and ripped skinny jeans, he wasn’t dressed properly for the winter months; Ben, on the other hand, who’s decked out in a scarf, a thick winter jacket, comfortable jeans and gloves, is dressed properly.

Richie can hear his parents’ voices now reprimanding him for not wearing the proper clothes, and soon enough her could hear his other best friend, Stan Uris, with them.

“Just… At least think about the job, okay?” Ben speaks as they get to the sidewalk by the road, lowering the scarf so his friend can hear him better. They both stop walking and face one another. “And wear decent winter clothes, man, you’re gonna catch another cold.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” he says. “You’re starting to sound like Stan the Man, Mistah Handsome.”

The corners of Ben’s lips turn up. “You’re genuinely getting better at those voices, Rich.”

Richie feigned offense. One hand moves to his chest as if his heart were hurt. “You say that as if I haven’t always been amazin’,” he says, voicing sounding like it could be southern but neither of them were too sure.

“Well…”

A gasp. “Ben!”

They both start to laugh then but it dies down soon after. Ben unwraps his scarf and tosses it to Richie, who catches it with ease, and then starts to leave. “Gotta blast, Rich.”

Richie smiles. “Ah, yes, get home to the Missus!” He puts the scarf on. It’s not much at all, but it still helps.

“No, I got another class and then I’m taking the almost Missus lunch.”

“Tell Bev she sucks for me!”

“Why?”

“She ate my last bag of hot Cheetos when she stopped by yesterday.”

Ben laughs. “Alright, yeah. Will do!”

And just like that, Richie is alone. It honestly isn’t often he and Ben get to spend time together. Hell, even his time with his two best friends isn’t much. They all have school or work or both, and it’s just hard not spending as much time together as they used to. Which was where Wednesday night game nights came in. Weekends, they all went their separate ways to their parents. So, they did the next best thing: Wednesdays. At the thought of their game nights, Richie pulls out his phone as he hurriedly walks to his dorm and opens the group chat, sending a quick game suggestion.

+++

Music plays softly from the laptop at the foot of the bed, a generous amount of papers and a text book between Richie and it. He doesn’t particularly like studying – who does? – mostly because he’s never had to properly study before, but physics isn’t exactly on the easy side of things, and he doesn’t want to fail; his mom claims he probably doesn’t even need to study too much given as he understands math easily, and Richie thinks that’s the exact opposite of what a parent should be saying to their child who’s trying to successfully get through college. But, hey, they’re relationship isn’t on the rocks anymore – a shit load of teen angst on his part, a small drinking problem on her part, too engrossed into his job on Wentworth’s part, and being batshit annoying on his little sister’s part – so the legal adult doesn’t mind not being told to study, either.

The Tozier family is back to being good and mostly healthy, and as happy as they were when Richie had been a little kid. Only now, Tori is the one with teen angst and Richie’s doing his best to be a decent big brother by helping out with it.

A shrill ring cuts off the music and pulls him away from his thoughts, flinching at the sudden change in sound before reaching over and muting his laptop. He pauses the music and answers the call on his phone before pressing speaker. A smile forms at looking at the caller I.D.

“I was just thinking about you, T-Rex!” Richie exclaims and he goes back to copying down a problem from a work sheet the professor handed out in class.

“Oh, the amazing Richard thought about me,” she sarcastically says. “What ever will my fangirl heart do?”

“I predict that you will sob once the call is over and scream at your equally fangirly friends about how I graced your ears with my wonderful voice.”

“More like made them bleed.”

“You wound me!”

“Good!”

“First Ben, now you – my poor old heart can’t take it!”

“Then perish.”

He snorts out a laugh.

“But, hey, I’m calling for a reason, dickhead. Stop whatever you’re doing and listen to the best little sister in the world,” Tori tells him.

Richie sighs and drops the pencil dramatically. It hit the notebook with a soft thud but it’s loud enough for Tori to hear over the phone. “Why, do tell, young maiden,” he says, using a Voice.

“Mom’s sick with a bad cold.”

He blinks. “…Okay?”

“Dad’s gonna still be at work until five-.”

“Whoa, hold on, wait a damn minute!” Richie sits up and pulls his computer close to look at the time as he realizes what’s happening. More accurately, what the girl was getting at. “Victoria!” Richie had been so caught up in doing the math problems and messing with the sixteen year old demon he calls a sister to even take notice of the time until then. It’s not even time for her to be out of school – hell, it was barely 11:30. “T-Rex, how scandalous of you! Skipping school.” He pauses. “Fuck, you’re me.”

“I mean…we are related.” A beat of silence. “But I’m not skipping. I got suspended. Mom’s too sick to answer the phone, and Dad’s too busy at work. I convinced them to let me call you.”

Richie sighs. “It’s two weeks into the semester, T-Rex.” He leans an elbow on his knee and put his forehead in the palm of his hand.

Getting suspended isn’t exactly a new thing for either Tozier children. Richie got detention countless of times for various reasons, earning him a few times of suspension, and Tori just has a habit of mouthing off adults – similar to her big brother – but also has one of fighting – not so similar to her big brother.

“I don’t know what you want me to do, kid.”

“Pick me up,” she replies with a duh tone.

“My truck’s still in the shop, dingbat.”

“Well, I don’t exactly have a car, either, douchebag.”

Richie is quiet for a split second. “Okay. Look. I’ll try to get one of my friends to drive me over there. Stay in the office, and just walk home if I’m not there by twelve-thirty.”

Tori grumbles. “Fine.”

Richie makes a face at her sour attitude, about to say something – “Ah, teen angst, what a marvelous thing it is” – when she hangs up before he can ever utter another word. He gasped at the device and sent her a bunch of middle finger emojis before dialing his three friends one by one. Ben didn’t answer. It stopped ringing halfway through the third ring and not a minute later, Ben’s text of “still in class�� lit up his phone once again. He then calls Beverly, who he knows won’t answer but did it anyway for the sake of annoying her. To his surprise, she answers; only to greet him with a short, “No,” before hanging up on him.

“Stanny Boy, you better pick up,” Richie mutters as he crawled off of the dorm bed, finding his shoes.

“This better be good, Trashmouth,” is Stan’s form of greeting not even two seconds later.

Richie grins, pleased at least one of his friends is letting him explain. “Not good in the long run but it’s for a good enough reason, Bird Brain,” he says. “Where are you?”

“…What did you do?”

He rolls his eyes. “Not me. Our ferocious T-Rex.”

“She’s your sister.”

“She’s adopted you as her ‘better big brother’. This is what you get for befriending me when we were four and she was one, and staying best friends with me our entire lives. If you need to feel better, know that I did call Mister and Missus first because I know you enjoy your lazy Mondays.”

Stan hums. “It doesn’t.” Then Richie hears shuffling on the other end, and his hopes rise high. “But I’m on my way to pick you up. You can explain everything then.”

“You’re the best, Stanley, might as well marry you right now! Let’s go elope – take a road trip to Vegas!”

“I’ll castrate you.”

“Kinky.”

“Oh, my god.”

“See ya when you get her, my love.”

“Yuck, don’t ever call me that again. Bye.”

+++

A year and a half later, Richie never once thought he would be entering his old high school ever again – excluding the reunions he knows Beverly will drag them all to, none of the boys exactly having a choice in the matter – let alone the office of said school. Yet here he stands, all of the memories flooding back to him; both good and bad ones. He wasn’t exactly popular in school. More of the annoying class clown everyone hates but secretly finds funny. At least, at first. Everything eventually changed in sophomore year.

Richie makes a face and turns to Stan. No one was at the front desk, so they were being forced to wait to collect the youngest Tozier from the principal’s office.

“I should’ve let her rot here.”

Stan rolls his eyes. “You’re too good of a brother for that,” he says. “The principal hated you and she’s most likely getting secondhand hate from the douchebag himself.”

Richie’s eyes widen behind his glasses at the realization. He hadn’t exactly left the high school on good terms with anyone, minus his three good friends and the math teacher for the freshman, and maybe the woman who usually sits at the desk in the front office. “Fuck,” he whispers. Then louder, “What if she’s getting bullied?”

Stan gives a look that said he was crazy. “She just got suspended for fighting. I’m sure she can take care of herself, man.” He pauses, worries his bottom lip, and sighs. “But now I’m worrying about that too. So, thanks for that.”

Only a few seconds of silence goes by before Richie speaks again. “You think people still talk?”

“Nah. Everyone who was here then has graduated. Unless, one or two got held back.”

“The teachers are gossip royalty here.”

“I doubt they gossip about former students to current students, especially when one of them is your baby sister.”

“Our baby sister.”

“Just because I helped you babysit all throughout middle school doesn’t mean I’m her brother, too. We’ve been over this!”

“Try telling her that; the kid adores you! Always has.”

“Which is weird. Besides, back to the point, it's twenty-nineteen now. People who shit on someone for liking the same gender should just become extinct cavemen.” The words cause Richie to let out a laugh.

“Well, look who it is,” the lady who sits at the front desk finally appeared. Both young adults smile at seeing her, genuinely pleased. Miss Mims was one of the few adults at the school Richie and his friends liked; Hell, they still like her. In a year and a half, the woman hadn’t changed much. Long dirty blonde hair had been cut to her shoulder, and her dark eyes seem happier. Her usual blouse and nice pants are the same, and she’s still just under five feet. “Uris and Tozier, what a pleasant surprise.” Miss Mims smiles at them.

“Hi, Sara!”

“Hey, Miss Mims.”

She chuckles and holds up her left hand. “It’s Mrs. Delaney now, kids.”

Stan grins and leans forward to check out the rings on her finger. “Congratulations! When did it happen?”

Richie leans forward too, and nearly knocks Stan over, mouth in a big toothy grin. “Give us the deets, Sara! Who’s the lucky fella? Or gal, y’know. Bet they’re good in bed, huh, Staniel?”

“Rich,” Stan warns, almost in a reminding tone.

He blinked. Then, “Oh! Right, forget those questions Sar- Uh, Mrs. Delaney! My kid sister is stuck in the principal’s office, I’m sure you’ve heard why. Suspension. Fighting. The shticks.”

Mrs. Delaney snorts. “You Toziers are something else. But yeah, I’ll go get her. Where are you parents?”

“Sick and working. I’ve got the rest of the day free, so I volunteered myself to do the dirty so Went wouldn’t have to leave.” He purposefully didn’t say anything about not telling their parents, or even planning on it. At least, he knows Tori isn’t going to tell. And he’s not going to throw her under the bus no matter how funny it’ll be.

Stan rolls his eyes. “His truck isn’t working so I got dragged along.”

“You love me, Staniel.”

“Debatable.”

“I’ll go get her. Shouldn’t be long at all.”

And it isn't.

Within five minutes, the baby of the family is stepping out while Mrs. Delaney goes to her chair behind her desk, marking the girl as being picked up by a family member. The sight of Victoria, to put it simply, surprises both college students greatly. There's a cut on her bottom lip, and the intricate fishtail braid she had done that morning after straightening her usually wild curls is gone. All her knuckles are scabbed over and bruised, and there's a tear at the knee of her jeans, showing a pale bandaid instead of her pale skin. Richie quickly stuffs his hands into his jacket pockets as his brows lower in concern but mostly anger, lips pulling into a thin line. She's gotten in fights before but never has she gotten so beat up. Stan, still beside Richie, is barely hiding his shock. The stares from the two quickly make Tori uncomfortable and she shifts on her feet, tennis shoes squeaking against the polished tile. It's clear she's in a worse mood Richie originally thought. He just believed she punched someone, yelled a few choice words, and then got sent to the office. Rather, it had been a full fledged fight with two fists and blood, and he can tell Tori isn't happy. Not even angry right now. Just...sad, almost.

"You should see the other guy," she tries to joke, but it falls flat quickly.

"It was a boy?!" Richie shrieks, finally blowing his top. He can handle, for the time being, his sister fighting another girl; he can't handle a boy hitting her physically. He turns to Mrs. Delaney accusingly, the newly married woman jumping at the sudden movement. "You let a boy hit my baby sister?"

"Rich, whoa, calm down," Stan quickly moves and sends an apologetic look to the woman. "It's not her fault, man."

Tori messes with the ends of her brown hair. "I... I'll explain later. Can we just please leave?"

He shakes his best friend off of him, and Richie huffs. "Fine, okay. Whatever." He pauses. "Uh, sorry, Mrs. Delaney."

The woman just gave a smile that tells them that she forgave the outburts. Then, the three of them walk out of the school and to Stanley's car. The ride is silent almost the entire time. Stan got a phone call from his boss at a café he works at, which shifts their ending destination to Stan's work place rather than the university seeing as he needs to get to work pronto, and a spare uniform is in his trunk. Twenty minutes later, the Uris is ushering the Toziers out of his car. Richie doesn't make a move to talk about the fight. Tori doesn't make a move to explain. It's clear she doesn't want to, not yet, and even though Richie desperately wants to know what happened, he can't just force it out of her. She shuts down completely; he's learned that the hard way.

"Hey," Stan speaks up as he gets the uniform out of the trunk. "Sorry I can't take you the rest of the way."

Richie shrugs, looking around. His eyes then land on a familiar beige and dark brown building, and in the front parking lot he takes notice of a familiar black car. He checks the time on his phone, and then starts off, telling his little sister to stay by Stan's car, ignoring their calls of questions as he races across the busy street. He nearly get hit a few times and flips off anyone who honks at him, but he eventually made it to the other side. He jogs to the building and walks in, smiling widely at the receptionist up front.

"Hey, has a blond guy about my height come in by any chance?" He asks the woman who can't be much older than thirty, leaning on the counter, slightly out of breath.

She looks at him as she hangs up a call she just ended. "Yeah." Her brows pull together. "He went back that way, why?"

He doesn't answer. Instead, he spins on his heel and goes in the direction the lady pointed in. It's not long at all until he hears the familiar laughter of Ben mixed with Beverly's. "My, if it isn't two my favorite people in the whole world!" Richie exclaims as he enters the office.

Ben yelps in surprise but quickly relaxes. "Jesus, Richie..."

Beverly grins and lunges at Richie, pulling him into a tight hug. "Hi! Have you made up your mind already?" She pulls back a split second later to look at him, hopeful.

"Uh." Richie holds up a finger. "No."

"Rich-."

"I need Mr. Handsome here to drive me and Tori back to the university," he interrupts her, and clasps a hand on Ben's shoulder. "And then I need to borrow his car to take her home so our parents don't find out she got suspended."

"She what?!" The two shout in unison. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that they were heard throughout the building.

"Long story," he mumbled, trying not to show how upset he was.

Beverly's blue eyes narrow the slightest bit. She knows something's up; she always does, somehow. Like a sixth-sense for when her friends are upset. Maybe it's because she's a year older than them all. "Ben's not driving you unless you agree to work here," Beverly says quickly. "Period."

"Oh, c'mon, Bev-," Richie tries. He looks to Ben for help, but the guy looks away as if he's admiring the awful pale green color on the wall.

The twenty year old shook her head, strands of red hair falling in her. She brushes them away with ease. "No. You need a job, Rich, you know that. And Maggie and Went would be agreeing with us." She motions between herself and Ben.

Richie makes a face.

"The pay's good," Beverly says quietly after a few seconds.

The look goes away. "...How good?" Not a minute later, Beverly grabs a check she has yet to put in her account and handed it to him. Brown eyes widen from behind the frames of his glasses. He let out a low whistle. "Damn..."

"They're lawyers, Richie, it's not exactly gonna be a bad pay. It's not McDonald's. And you'll most likely work part time, meaning you'll get to pick your hours. They're lenient. Just show up, do your job, respect them and everyone else, and they'll be happy."

Richie stares, thinking it over, and hands the check back to Beverly. She takes it quickly and puts it back in her purse, both her and Ben waiting for Richie's answer. He crosses his arms and looks between his two friends. Good pay. Lenient. Pick your own hours. A sigh leaves his lips and he lets his head fall backwards. He does need a job. He can't live on ramen forever, and he certainly can't live off of the box of Cosmic Brownies hidden in his closet away from his dorm mate. "Alright," he finally says, sounding defeated.

Beverly grins like a madman and squeals. "Perfect! Kim!" She dashes out of the office and grabs Richie to make him tag along. They pass by the lobby in a flash, and Richie barely has time to smile at the receptionist cheekily. They continue down the hall, passing cubicles that are mostly empty and a few offices that have people in them, and don't stop until the very end. She's then dragging him into a slightly bigger, nice office with shelves for books and a bigger desk with two chairs. A woman in her forties at at the desk, typing on her phone. She has brown hair that went to her shoulders and blue eyes peer up at them both as they stand behind the chairs. She looks nice, Richie has to admit, but there was also something about her that demanded respect and oozed authority. "Kim, this is Richie Tozier, my friend I told you about."

Richie smiles, and decides to be a decent human. "Hi, it's nice to meet you," he says, sticking a hand out for her to shake. If he could stay the way he is with his friends, he most definitely would. But Kim actually scares him a bit, and he doesn't want to get on her bad side just yet.

Kim smiles back and shakes his hand after standing. "You too, Richie. Beverly's told us a lot about you," she tells him, chuckling. "I guess she's told you about how we're low on employees?"

He chuckles. "Yea- yes, ma'am."

"He's decided to work here, as long as you and Thomas and Peter are okay with it," Beverly explains.

She scoffs and then lets out a loud laugh. "Of course we're fine with it! Work has been piling up for everyone already, and its only going to get worse when those two officially leave. We need all the hands we can get."

"I'd have to work part time," Richie tells the woman. "I'm in college."

"Completely okay," Kim says pairing her words with a smile.

"And I don't have my truck right now, its in the shop, so I don't know when I can start."

"Oh! Tomorrow! We can carpool, it'll be your sophomore year all over again - minus, y'know, the thing," Beverly says. Her hand waves in the air and she half rolls her eyes, and Richie snorts. The thing... It certainly was a 'thing', alright.

"Bev-."

"Fine, I'll make Ben drive you."

"Dude, he has barely any free time, don't do that to him... Okay, we can carpool until I get my truck back."

"Yes!"

Kim chuckles at the two, softly shaking her head. She looks at Richie then. "Welcome aboard, Richie. Come in when you can tomorrow, and then we'll figure out set hours. Sounds good?"

Richie nods. "Yes, ma'am. I'll probably be here around ten."

"Perfect."

Finally, after that and after stealing Bev's hot Cheetos Ben had brought her - he wasn't a total ass, he left the sandwich and drink - he left with Ben, the blond taking him over to where Stan works; where Tori is still patiently waiting. The girl climbs in without a second thought and thankfully Ben doesn't mention her disheveled appearance. As they leave, they wave bye to Stan. Well, they wave by to the café and grill, hoping in some weird way Stan might be able to see them.

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it #it 2017 #it chapter two #my writing #*#the losers club #i'm not gonna tag everyone #bc i'm lazy #but pls enjoy this

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bipolar-adhd-fun4all · 4 years

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TW: Self-harm and general fuckery

Maybe I just want to have more problems than I actually have. Maybe I'm just attention-seeking. People always accuse people of that. Maybe I'm doing it too. Here's where I'm at rn though.

I think I have BPD and here's why. Please excuse me for a really really long post.

I grew up with a decent childhood. I thought. I mean, I have so many good memories. My mom didn't hate me or make me feel like shit. She just let others do it for her. I was abandoned by her. I was bullied by my brother my whole life. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I was moved from NC to CO when I was 10. We moved to a small mtn town of like 300 people. My mom worked an hour away and I went to school with people I couldn't spend any time with even if they wanted to spend time with me (unlikely). My mom had 2 different relationships with 2 alcoholics and the 2nd one stuck. I'm about 12 or 13 now and we move to a bigger place, but now my mom works an hour and a half away (slightly further). I now only see my mom for about 4 hrs a day and am primarily raised by an alcoholic. He yells at me a lot for not being good enough at school and this just makes me struggle more. I struggle with finding a group of friends through middle school. I chalk it up to being the new kid for the millionth time in my life (or so it feels). I started smoking at 11 btw. I meet my S/O in high school in marching band. We have a good relationship (or so I thought). I have a lot of anger issues that started in high school. I blame others for my anger. They did something wrong to make me mad. I don't know what to do with myself after high school. I dont know what i want. I join the army because that's what we do in my family. I start drinking in my sophomore year of hs and it gets worse in the army. I sabotage my relationship, but because my S/O has mental health problems they stay anyway. I'm constantly wondering what others think of me and assume they don't like me, but have to put up with me anyway because I won't take a hint and leave. I cut myself for the first time when I'm about 20 or so. I'm 23, I get out of the military to go to college. I don't know what I'm doing but maybe I can own a business (maybe in the weed industry. It's legal now). I go to college full time 15 credits, I do Uber, then food delivery, then I get a pt job. I'm struggling. I do great first semester. I stop function and fall into depression, lose my job, fail out of college. I didnt give up. I'm going to get a massage license. I do it. I go back to college so I can own a spa one day. I'm not good enough to do that, but my technical skills and knowledge say otherwise so maybe I can. I probably can't. I haven't held a normal job since the army. My marriage is getting kinda bad (lol, kinda). I'm 25 now. I end my marriage like it's nothing. I get pretty manic (hey I'm bipolar!). I didn't want to end my marriage, can I have it back plz? I know I hurt you again. (like for the billion and oneth time). I'm sorry (just like last time). It won't happen again. Look I'm on meds for bipolar. (It happens again...and again). How do I stop? Therapist barely gets back with me and now I'm not sure I like her, but I have to stick with it because I'm probably just overthinking things. She probably doesn't dislike me because I missed an appointment, but she doesn't get back to me so that's all I can think.

These are just the cliff notes.

I fear abandonment. I have unstable relationships. I regard my S/O as perfect (compared to me at least. I know they aren't) (not just marriage but with friends too). Self image? What's that? (Look humor). I'm impulsive and self destructive (just not in your garden variety impulsive ways). I have self harmed multiple times in my life and I want to rn and am somehow managing not to. EXTREME mood swings with a capital fuck me. I feel empty often enough, but not lately...maybe... I'm explosive af (Like this morning actually). I've wondered if this was real at one point (or maybe more than once).

Idk, I don't have PTSD so this isn't BPD. I'm just looking for another gold star mental illness. Right? Tell me I'm crazy for thinking all of this. Plz. I don't want this. Yet I do because maybe it explains things. Maybe I have a reason for being a bad person. I'm a bad person, right? I really screwed my life up. It is in literal shambles and I try to put the pieces back, but i just knock them over when i get a few put back.

Can anyone help?

#TW #self-harm #bpd #bipolar #adhd #bipolar depression #some real shit

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ceithoquill · 4 years

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I compiled all the advice and tips I have learned from myself and others recently in regards to studying. this contains information such as how to get work done faster, burnout, and more.

I’m no where near the most knowledgeable on any of this and it is all my personal ideas/ ideas I like from others/books I’ve read. if something doesn’t work for you that’s fine! everyone does things differently. ;

planning:

some people write down every little task like “take out the trash” or “refill pen” either to help them remember or because it can be very satisfying to cross more things off your list. I personally don’t because having a long to-do list makes me anxious.

plan in breaks to!! I don’t plan them in every day b/c I never know when I’m going to get tired, but I do try and plan so my sundays have a lot of free time. It’s kind of my reset day for the week (also helps w/ avoiding burnout)

should you do work in advance for the oncoming week?

again, I feel like it depends. if you have a really busy week, then you may want to. But if you’re like me and already have a lot of work on the weekend, plus you’ll forget any material by the time it’s due to go over, you may not need to.

motivation:

I’m working on complying a masterlist of everything that gives me motivation (books, posts, quotes, etc) but until then here is this one post from languagesarehardtolearn and idk why exactly but I just love it:

if my dumbass can learn Italian to b2 level in 9 months you can do anything i guess

burnout:

I just recently came back from a HUGE period of academic burnout. my first semester was a little rough and this bled into my language studies as well. I barely kept up spanish and completely dropped french except for what I was doing in school (which wasn’t much, I’m taking an on-level french class this year b/c of the way my schedule worked out). I’m just going to put it out there that I’m still struggling a lot w/ burnout and if anyone has any advice pls let me know!

if when you burnout:

find a good time to take a huge break y’all. after midterms I took about a week off before I even touched anything. during this time I just did whatever the hell I felt like w/ no regards to whether or not it was productive or helping me achieve goals.

I know a lot of people like to talk to friends and hang out with them and if that works for you go for it. I ended up going through a period where I didn’t talk to friends much (however I did talk to some people I wasn’t as close with which was actually really nice.) and just wanted to be alone to heal.

minimizing burnout:

you’re probably going to burn out eventually, but hopefully the number of times/ the length of time you are burnt out can be minimized.

especially recently with this idea of “using all your down time” and “constant productivity”, we start packing work/studying into every second of our lives.

this causes me to burnout quickly. I’m trying to take more moments to simply let my brain think about whatever it wants instead of focusing it on school. when every minute is planned out to be useful I get exhausted quickly.

taking breaks of course! again, I try to keep sundays fairly open. I use them only for studying for tests the following week, and even that I mostly do on saturdays.

misc.:

lovelybluepanda had an interesting post about how tasks take up the amount of time that you give them. so if you give yourself 1 hr to complete something that could probably be done in 30 min, you end up telling yourself there’s no need to work super hard to get it down b/c you have so much time to do it. however, if you give yourself 20 min to complete something then you might just be able to get it down then. of course you still want to make sure you have enough time so don’t do it last minute, but maybe a little time pressure can help. If you end up needing more time, you still want to make sure you have it (ie: this doesn’t mean you should do the task poorly or last minute. we still want quality folks!)

#studyblr #studying advice #langblr #spanishblr #frenchblr #spanish langblr

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geejaysmith · 5 years

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Kat and I have amazing conversations sometimes and I felt they had to be shared. Also, alienfuckers, dad jokes, Maxwell’s alternative lifestyle and other headcanons, and Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition. Full transcript under the cut.

Gill [Yesterday at 6:05 PM]: On an Unrelated topic: after the finale the crew remembers "OH YEAH, EIFFEL ACTUALLY HAD A FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATION WITH ALIENS" and now in addition to all the other reasons to want him to Remember they're really freakin' curious to know how that went

Kat [Yesterday at 6:11 PM]: Minkowski: so what did they look like Eiffel: me (They do seem to like his body, they had a few models to choose from when talking to Cutter.)

Gill [Yesterday at 6:13 PM]: Eiffel, probably: at least the aliens think I'm cool I know what was meant by that but your phrasing made me think "In a shocking turn of events, it is the aliens who are attracted to the human." The aliens... are alienfuckers

Kat [Yesterday at 6:17 PM]: I don't think that's their jam but that WOULD be just his luck

Gill [Yesterday at 6:18 PM]: It is unlikely, but also: it would be hilarious

Kat [Yesterday at 6:21 PM]: the aliens keep sending me mental sexts and i crave death

Gill [Yesterday at 6:22 PM]: And lo another shitpost transforms into a fanfic concept, like a humble irradiated lizard becoming Godzilla: "would you fuck your clone?"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: leave him alone has the man not suffered enough

Gill [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: No

Kat [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: sigh

Gill [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: Dance for my amusement, Douglas And also because I earnestly suspect that in the case of Eiffel and an interested alien-consciousness-in-the-form-of-a-Xerox-copy-of-him the answer would end up being "yes"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:34 PM]: idk i feel like it'd be more like "Oh what you spend two fucking years trying to drag us into the star because you can't be assed to make an appearance but you'll teleport across the galaxy for a booty call? Fuck you and I mean that figuratively" later sluts

Gill [Yesterday at 6:36 PM]: Bob is a bad datemate Is this entire train of thought brought on by the fact I still think of the person who expressed they shipped Bob/Eiffel in the tags of the "Take your double to Disneyland" post? Perhaps

Kat [Yesterday at 6:39 PM]: i don't know that you can have this at the same time as 'what if the aliens' bodies are still the people suppressed' without it getting Fucked Up but that's your perogative I guess as long as I don't have to hear about it family can't walk w me tonight so i need to hit the treadmill for a bit. ttyl

Gill [Yesterday at 6:41 PM]: See u in a bit! But ah yes, I hadn't thought of that til you brought it up Points at one explanation of Dear Listener manifestations for some ideas, points at a different explanation for ideas that would become unintentionally Pretty Fucked Up under the first explanation Although there is comedy potential to be found in Eiffel and Eiffel-2 having the "are we down with this" conversation In the /Justin McElroy voice, "someone just discovered they have ~the world's worst fetish~" sense

Kat [Yesterday at 7:33 PM]: a different terrible concept: eiffel with his pop culture references restored will likely be called upon to testify at the united nations

Gill [Yesterday at 7:37 PM]: O h g o d Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition

Kat [Yesterday at 7:46 PM]: i mean they're gonna have to tell the world SOMEHOW and i'd think the international court would want to know and he's the one with the subconscious recall implanted sidenote if the DL can do that mental transfer could they have just... asked them to reupload whatever their most recent scan of eiffel was there are so many ways around this that's why it failed to get much of an emotional rxn from me

Gill [Yesterday at 7:47 PM]: Minkowski and Lovelace trying to get him to practice his testimony bc if they hit enough subconscious recall triggers they can at LEAST get thru an explanation of the aliens without Eiffel going off into a tangent Once they're off the Dear Listeners' script though all bets are off

Kat [Yesterday at 7:48 PM]: here's a list of preplanned questions your honor we're not responsible if you ask anything else

Gill [Yesterday at 7:51 PM]: Eiffel, maybe: now Goddard didn't send up us there to bring home any xenomorphs but let me tell you, with the Decima project? They might as WELL have let a facehugger get up close and personal with me The translators rapidly swapping notes on late 70's sci-of cinema because a handful of them actually know what he's talking about

Kat [Yesterday at 7:54 PM]: Minkowski headdesking behind him Eiffel English isn't most of these people's first languages

Gill [Yesterday at 7:57 PM]: The news cameras are all dead-focused on Eiffel. He's hit his stride and is picking up steam. "And it was right around the time I was coughing up my liquefied respiratory system that I thought to myself, gee, I'd MUCH rather get a face of alien wing-wong than deal with this!" Minkowski is off to the side. She is visibly restraining herself. No poker face in the world can hide how hard she is longing for death. Whether it is hers or Eiffel's is a subject of contentious debate.

Kat [Yesterday at 7:58 PM]: someone at an elementary school: hey Garcia, is that your dad

Gill [Yesterday at 8:01 PM]: Anne, who was four the last time she saw her father in person, gets one look at the man weaving an intricate Star Wars metaphor out of crimes against humanity and recognizes him instantly, but signs back "I have never seen this guy before in my life."

Kat [Yesterday at 8:04 PM]: good call kiddo

============

Gill [Yesterday at 8:10 PM]: Honestly I love the concept that no matter how much Eiffel may drive them up the wall sometimes the rest of the crew would meet Anne and immediately be ready to kill a man for her sake

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: as far as we know he's the only crewmember with kids women in the military... it wouldn't be easy even if you wanted one, which idk if any of them did

Gill [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: Wait wait, brainwave: it is actually AMAZING that Minkowski had no idea Eiffel had a child because... does he seem like the kind of guy. Who would ever resist a Dad Joke.

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: haha fair

Gill [Yesterday at 8:16 PM]: Eiffel: Actually, I have amazing self-restraint when I choose to exercise it. (Various noises of disbelief.) Eiffel: have you ever heard me tell a dad joke? No? I rest my case

Kat [Yesterday at 8:21 PM]: biggest plot hole of the series more like it was too painful a memory but still

Gill [Yesterday at 8:22 PM]: If he ever patches that connection it'll open the floodgates

Kat [Yesterday at 8:26 PM]: He'll become the Maes Hughes of the gang, except with fewer war crimes

Gill [Yesterday at 8:27 PM]: ...has anyone on this crew done war crimes? SI-5 excepted of course, they have obviously done war crimes

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: yeah SI5 is war crime central I'm not sure about some of the other stuff executing a prisoner? idk about Minkowski

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Also my thought

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: she wasn't a formal pow though it was an ongoing engagement I don't know the rules

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Minkowski Has Done One (1) War Crime (Goddard Futuristics attempts to bring that against her in the court case only for Maxwell to stroll in like lol what's up gang)

Kat [Yesterday at 8:37 PM]: does Goddard in its current incarnation last long enough to sue anyone i mean i think you could sue them for attempted genocide

Gill [Yesterday at 8:38 PM]: Look I have had one semester of business law You were the one who almost went to law school Also re: other characters being parents, the only one I could see going kiiiinda either way on the subject is Lovelace and it wouldn't have been terribly high on her priority list prior to the Hephaestus mission I can see characters having the opinion that they could see Minkowski as a mom but she and her husband both strike me as understanding themselves and one another as being more career-oriented

Kat [Yesterday at 8:44 PM]: yeah if she wanted to rise in the ranks of the military... that would probably be a strike against her

Gill [Yesterday at 8:44 PM] And the implication she's got a Complex about her parents having both left promising careers to raise her Also, Lovelace: Well I always said I could see myself settling down someday, maybe have a family if I met the right person, but when I took the job with Goddard it was legally dubious whether I could actually do that- Eiffel: Because you're an alien? Eiffel: Eiffel: ...wait a sec

Kat [Yesterday at 8:54 PM]: ha It's ok to be gay in space

Gill [Yesterday at 8:56 PM]: Alternatively it's Hera who said that bc didn't connect those dots right away, meanwhile Eiffel saw Lovelace in a flannel shirt once and Knew Immediately Eiffel may be dumb but somehow his Bi-Fi has yet to fail him

Kat [Yesterday at 8:59 PM]: Hera doesn't grasp human sexuality nuances

Gill [Yesterday at 9:01 PM]: Funny addition to above thought: Eiffel put together that Jacobi was gay after like three days on the Urania, was the only one on the Hephaestus crew to do so, and just never felt it was relevant to bring up Hera, my child... you have much to learn (Also, Hera, probably: I'm experimenting at the moment, I'm looking for a torrent so I can download lesbianism)

Kat [Yesterday at 9:04 PM]: I don't know which option is funnier, that Jacobi is just Really Fucking Obvious but Eiffel was the only one paying attention or that it was super subtle and everyone's like How Did You Do That lovelace's righteous fury overwhelmed her gaydar, she was too mad to go 'same hat'

Gill [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Eiffel: I have something to confess to all of you... Jacobi: Eiffel literally not a single person on this ship is straight Eiffel: Oh I was just going to recount a PG version of my wild younger days, let's just say I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Jacobi on Earth: Just matched with myself on Grinder a-fucking-GAIN

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM]: Jacobi: Oh I definitely picked up on it but who wants to go playing into stereotypes by speculating on what may or may not be a promiscuous history? Eiffel: Promiscuous? Look I've got notches in my belt but mostly I just ended up laying in somebody's bathtub at a house party while just conscious enough to nod along to someone else's relationship drama. Eiffel: to several sororities, I was the Gay Bathtub Wizard.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:11 PM]: Maxwell on day one of orientation: So if SI5 is paramilitary what's their stance on alternative lifestyles? Jacobi: I was recruited in a gay bar.

Gill [Yesterday at 9:12 PM]: Her asking the question has my brain going in several different directions

Kat [Yesterday at 9:13 PM]: I think she was recruited right after dadt was repealed... if obama exists in this universe fantasy obama

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: One part of my brain: Maxwell is also gay Another part of my brain: Maxwell is exclusively attracted to nonhuman persons Yet another part of my brain, most adjacent to number #2: Maxwell voice, who in their right mind would build a robot that can't fuck? The 4th part of my brain: Maxwell wants to know how chill they'll be with her living exclusively off energy drinks and frozen yogurt for weeks at a time

Kat [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: honestly I figured whatever it was it was MUCH weirder than just being gay

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: Maxwell: I have plans to take over the world with my army of battle bots and rule as their robot queen.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Maxwell: wait if you were recruited in a gay bar does that mean our boss frequents those or did he just go there to get you Jacobi: Believe me the question haunts me also Jacobi: sounds great i'm in

Gill [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Or, Maxwell: I am not joking for an instant when I say that I for one welcome our alien overlords "When I was 13 I tried to get myself abducted by aliens" except it's not a joke it's an actual minor headcanon of mine Also I almost typed "adopted" rather than "abducted" which shows you why Alana would probably want to do that

Kat [Yesterday at 9:19 PM]: she did say she's on bad terms with her family

Gill [Yesterday at 9:20 PM]: She grew up a pastor's kid in a tiny rural town in Montana, hearing that they don't get along is the furthest thing from a surprise to me. The surprise is that Maxwell has a restraining order against them

Kat [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: tht implies the court found reasonable cause to issue one wack anyway i had a long day, i'm gonna call it a night

Gill [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: o/ But yeah that Maxwell empathizes with nonhumans, apparently more than with most regular humans, that makes perfect sense to me I can see her frustration with the AI Ethics board in her last job Expressing Their Concerns and her suppressing flashbacks to many a Creationist rant, and trying to keep her eye from twitching visibly, and no I am not projecting I am just coloring in blank spaces in the narrative with my relevant life experience

#wolf 359 #conversations with kat #deliverusfromsburb

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 4 years

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CW: transphobia, homophobia. Also pretty long and I'm on mobile so I cant put a read more thing on it.

Ok so this is kind of a personal post so if you don't wanna hear about some of my personal drama, just scroll along. But I feel like I need to get this shit on record somewhere since I don't have the screenshots of the texts this is concerning anymore.

So a little over a year ago, I told the person who'd been my best friend, we'll call her E, since I was about 9 that I didnt want to be friends with her anymore. More on that later.

Back in senior year of high school I started thinking I might be Bi. I brought this up to E and she was super dismissive right off that bat. Saying that I wasnt, sounding like she was trying to console me. Like being Bi was this awful thing that I needed to worry about.

Well fast forward about a year and a half and I went up to my college with her so I could do new student orientation since I was starting the next semester. This is when the fact that I was Bi sort of smacked me in the face because the girl doing my orientation was super hot. I immediately knew I wouldnt be telling E that.

Fast forward to march of 2017. Its spring break. I've reconnected with my high school friends. I've never felt the need to hide my sexuality from them and they were instantly nothing but supportive of me. We never really hung out outside of school back in high school (or in elementary school either in Eric's case.) I start realizing that I've been having more fun with them then I ever did with E. And I finally had people to geek out about sciencey stuff with because E doesnt believe in science but eric LOVES science. It was nice.

Well a couple weeks after spring break me and Es mutual friend Althea asked me to drive her to the shelter so she could get her boyfriends cat fixed (it's way cheaper there then at the vet) and spent the day hanging out with her because she WAS planning to walk back there to pick up the cat afterwards and I was like "uh no. I'm not gonna make you walk across town by yourself." So I finally got to meet her boyfriend. Well that afternoon E came and picked me up to go up to the KU campus to get some more bus passes to go to our college in KC because our school was out of bus passes and didnt know when theyd get more.

Here's when I kinda started to realize I should maybe get out of this friendship. On the way to campus E starts telling me about her day at school and how "theres a girl that used to be a guy in one of my teachers other classes. It's making me uncomfortable."

Me: "that sounds like a you problem, E."

Now I knew she kind of thought that way already. She may not have said shit like that around our other friends but I had to hear it a lot. But because I'm pretty nonconfrontational and she was my only close friend outside of school and I was terrified of being alone, I usually just ignored it or politely debated her about it but generally just agreed to disagree. This was the first time I ever decided to speak up to her about it. Unfortunately I couldnt say much cuz her mom was the one driving us and i knew she agreed with everything E said.

But I'd been hanging out with althea and her boyfriend (who just so happened to be trans) all morning so suddenly having to hear E talk about how uncomfortable trans people make her got me more fired up than usual.

After this I slowly started distancing myself from her. I'd been hoping for a few years that she'd grow up and accept that not everyone is like her and try to be more open minded and accepting of people. Apparently that wasnt happening.

I stopped responding to her texts as often. I was trying to think of a way to talk to her about it but all my past friendships that fell apart, did so naturally and on a silent mutual agreement. So I was half hoping that would happen. Pretty stupid. Dont recommend. Just be straight with people.

After a few months of me only answering her texts every once in a while, she decided to start calling me multiple times a week. Often while I was at work. Sometimes from her mom and sisters phones when I wouldnt answer from her number. Idk y she thought that would work. She knows I hate talking on the phone.

I still didnt know what to say to her. I probably should've just told her I needed some space and she might've backed off for awhile so I could figure it out. But subway stressed me tf out. And i have no idea how you're supposed to end a relationship with your best friend of over 10 years.

(Also some of my other reasons for not wanting to be friends with her were specifically because of althea and I didnt want althea to get dragged into it. Unfortunately it ended up happening anyways. But basically back in highschool, if we were planning for all four of us (me, e, althea, and nikki) to get together, and nikki would have something come up, E would tell althea our get together was cancelled but would still have me come over and then made me promise not to say anything to althea about it.)

Around march or april of last year I blocked her family's numbers. This is when they started showing up at my work. The first time it happened I had a long ass line and was helping my coworker get through it before I left. Her sister came in by herself and just asked how I was doing but left pretty quick after she got her sandwich since it was busy. A couple more times they came and just parked outside like they were waiting for me to get off my shift but ended up leaving. The last time it happened E came in while I was there alone and I really didnt wanna have THAT conversation while i was at work alone and her crazy overprotective mom was out in the car waiting for her. So i made her sandwich very quickly so i could get her out as fast as I could.

I was planning on finally talking to her around the end of april but was still having trouble figuring out what to say.

Unfortunately any plan I had to let her down easy was sort of thrown out the window on may 13th of last year.

My mom texted me that morning about how she got a weird call from Es aunt. On her work phone. This is basically how that call went:

"IS THIS OLIVIAS MOM?????"

My mom, suddenly worried it's my work and something happened to me, "Yes?"

"Why isnt olivia talking to E anymore?"

"............I dont know."

So that kind of crossed a line for me. It really freaked my mom out.

I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when I'm mad or stressed out tho. So my friend Alice ended up writing out the text for me and I read through it to make sure it was ok.

Basically it said "I'm sorry but I dont think we can be friends anymore. The way you talk about the LGBT+ community makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially seeing as I am bisexual and have several friends in the community. The way you used to exclude althea from hanging out with us because you think shes annoying and then expect me to lie to her about it makes me uncomfortable. It was inappropriate to show up at my work unannounced to corner me into talking to you when I needed space. And it was even more inappropriate for your relatives to call my mom at work. I'm sorry I didnt say something sooner but I'm tired of pretending I'm ok with everything you've said over the years."

Then her mom texts me. I dont remember all of it but the gist was "you're a horrible person. E never judged you or anyone else (sure, miss "gay people are gross. I can see how conversion therapy might work." Totally isnt judging anyone and 100% cares about the lgbt+ community.) The only reason she did those things is because she was worried about you."

Then E left me a voicemail that I couldnt understand at all cuz she was crying and I felt terrible even tho everyone was telling me I shouldn't. Now I probably should've taken out the part about althea because it effectively threw my "not wanting to get althea involved" plan out the window. Honestly what really pissed me off about this next part both made me pissed at E but also at myself. E removed herself from the group chat I had with her, nikki, and althea. Blocked althea on Facebook and blocked her number. Didnt bother to explain why. I still feel terrible about this even tho althea has told me many times that it's fine and if she'd had to pick a side she wouldve picked mine. But I still felt like she at least deserved an explanation.

Alice told me to screenshot the texts. I almost didn't cuz I just wanted to forget about all this. But I did.

Anyways life moved on. Eric got a new phone and gave me his beat up galaxy s7. I stuck my s6 into a drawer and let it die and forgot about it.

Then on new years I got a call from althea. Not weird at all. She calls me every major holiday and birthday. Shes done this every year since junior year of high school.

Normal phone call at first. But then she says that her mom has been talking to E's mom. Apparently E's mom told altheas mom that I told E that althea hates her and thinks shes a terrible person and that's why E hasnt been talking to althea. Althea of course didnt believe that but wanted me know about it. This prompted me to try and charge up my old phone and get the screenshots off of it. I had it plugged in for a couple of days and it never turned back on. So that's out apparently.

That's also why I felt the need to get all of this written down. It may not be as great as having the actual screenshots but I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when confronted so I want to have something written down in case any of this comes up again.

#cw: transphobia #cw: homophobia #i needed to get this out while i could actually put it into words #this is the first time in a while that i actually can #personal #homophobia #transphobia #i never post stuff like this so hopefully im tagging it right

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