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dianawinchester03 · 2 months

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Supernatural Series Rewrite (Dean Winchester x Reader) by @dianawinchester03

Prologue - Enter Y/N

Series Masterlist

Y/N's POV

I straighten out my shirt,sighing as I watch the corpse ignite into flames in-front of my eyes.

Salt and Burn. Check. The chilly air in the cemetery engulfs my body, I warm my hands over the burning corpse, rubbing my hands together to gather the heat.

Internally rolling my eyes, I pick up my duffle bag and make my way towards my bike. My pride and joy. Quinn's a Harley-Davidson VRSC. I named her after my favorite DC Comic book character, Harley Quinn. Original huh?

Breaking me out of my thoughts I hear my phone ring. Fishing my phone out of my pocket as I lean against Quinn. Rolling my eyes, I answer roughly after seeing the contact.

"I'm alive, f/n" I say hastily. I could practically hear the frown crease on my fathers face with the way I answer. Don't get me wrong, I love the man but boy can he be a pain. "I'm glad to hear you're okay baby....how're things" He asks.

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth answering "Everything is fine, I just finished a quick salt and burn of an old pastor who had been terrorizing atheists" I chuckle ironically at the fact. Like father like daughter, my dad chuckles over the phone. "Wonderful, I knew you'd do well on your own" He says lightly.

"Is that so?" I say sarcastically. "Aren't you the same one who said, and I quote, 'Don't come back if you go out there on your own, don't call, don't text, pretend I'm dead' " I mock his rugged voice as I quote his words to me two years ago bitterly. Granted he's called me every so often since our falling out but I haven't dared called him.

Flashback

September 2003

"Daddy I'm 20 years old! I can hunt in my own. I've been doing it since I've been in diapers!" I yell frustrated at my father. "You better watch your tone with me! Who the fuck do you think you're yelling at!?" He screams back at me causing me to flinch.

"You're not ready! I know the shit that's out there in the world and I'd prefer if you and I do it together. There is no reason we can't hunt together!" He yells in my face, causing me to flinch in habit.

"Your obsession with finding the thing that killed mom is the reason I can't work with you" I say harshly. The look on his face alone, scared the crap outta me. When I was younger, anything he said would scare me. I'd listen to him and follow his orders like a good little soldier but I'm sick of it.

Two decades of this crap, it was bound to happen. My mother died in my nursery when I was six months old. Pinned to the ceiling just like Sam's mom, only a couple months after Mary died, my mom died.

Mom and Dad were childhood friends with Sam and Dean's mom. They bonded through all of them coming from families of hunters. Basically my parents were childhood sweethearts which honestly touches my heart.

After knocking back a few, dad could tell the story of when he fell in love with mom a million times. He loved her with everything. I always wondered if I'd have something like that. Frankly, I don't believe love like that exists anymore.

My mother was also a psychic, a powerful one too. She basically had these abilities like seeing into the past/present/future, moving objects with her mind, summoning/binding ghosts and reading minds. Psychics develop their abilities by 18. She could even communicate with the dead.

She and my dad hunted together after meeting and settled down in Lawrence, deciding to have a family. Giving it up for the apple pie life. Honestly sometimes I think my dad's disappointed at the fact that I'm not like my mother.

"So you don't care about your mother then?" He says back to me coldly, rage dripping from his voice. "I never said that dad! I just can't deal with you every single goddamn day breathing down my neck. I love you so much daddy but shit! I can't take this anymore" Tears prick at my eyes as I pick up my helmet and army green duffel bag. I throw on my leather jacket and head for the front door.

Jumping on my bike, before I could put on my helmet I hear his yell from the safehouse. "Listen to me and listen to me good Y/N L/N. Don't come back if you go out there on your own, don't call, don't text, pretend I'm dead". My heart jumped out of my chest, my helmet clutched to my side. Angrily I wipe my tears away from my cheeks "Fine". With that I snap my helmet on and make my way out of the driveway and into the night.

Present Time

September 2005

My father sighs heavily over the phone because of my habit to hold a grudge. I was surprised last year when he called me for my birthday to say the least. Since then, he's called me every so often. "Listen baby, I didn't call to argue. I just wanted to make sure you're okay"

"I'm fine dad, look I've gotta go. I'm hungry and tired. Okay? We'll talk whenever" Without letting him say another word, I hang up. You might think I'm being harsh but if you've lived a day in the life of my childhood, you'd be just as angry as me right now.

I straddle my bike, placing my helmet on my head. The roar of the engine fills the quiet cemetery, revving the engine I make my way towards a local dive bar to pick up some grub and hit the hay.

________________________________

"Say your prayers little one,

Don't forget my son,

To include everyoneeee"

I jump awake hearing the beginning guitar riff and first couple lyrics of "Enter Sandman" by Metallica from my phone. Without looking at the contact I click decline, turning over to see the handsome naked man next to me. I slightly jump before realizing he's the guy I met at the bar. I'm not one for constant one night stands but sometimes I need a release. Especially after that call with my dad. I groan from the pounding pain in my head. Great, I'm gonna get a bitch of a hangover.

Sighing I check the time. 3:33 am. Who the fuck would call me at this hour? It's a bit creepy no? I put my phone back onto the nightstand and wrap my arms around my mystery man, resting my head on his chest. Mark? Mike? Im not sure. He stirs a bit but eventually falls back asleep. As if on cue my phone rings again.

I let out an exhaustrated groan before turning over and answering my phone. "Whoever the fuck this is. you better have a damn good reason to be calling me at this ungodly hour because I am *this* close to reaching into this phone and going all terminator on your ass!" I whisper yell angrily into my phone while I hastily put on my flannel, buttoning it up and slipping on my panties as I was still naked.

The deep humorous chuckle that I, all too well recognize echo in my ear. "Sorry princess, didn't mean to interrupt your night. I've been trying to call you for weeks and couldn't get a hold onto ya" My heart flutters at the sound of Dean's voice, he's one of my best friends. He's always called me "princess" and I've always called him "charming". His brother Sam and me have always been closer, being the same age and all. Me and Sam shared a stronger bond.

Where as Dean and me....there was never a Dean and me I guess. He's sees me as a little sister but while growing up I had a slight crush on him. I always reminded myself that he'd never see me like that so I just discarded it. One thing for sure, he's always protected me when necessary. Same with Sam, he's like a brother to me.

Growing up Dean teased me and Sam all the time, joking calling me his little girlfriend. Saying we'll get married and all that crap. But me and Sam came to the conclusion that we are just friends. Hell. We're basically siblings.

It's kinda bothered me knowing I had a crush on Dean but that died down when I hit my teens and puberty. We all grew up together going from motel to motel to Bobby's house to motel over and over. Our dads were hunting partners, my dad would leave me with Sam and Dean.

Dean always in charge of course, John made sure to enforce that. I tried my best to help Dean out because no kid should have that much responsibility but he'd always say "I've got it" or "It's okay y/n/n, just go play with Sammy". I love those boys with all my heart.

Last I'd seen Dean for my 21st last year, he took me out and I quote he wanted to be "the first person to see me take my first legal drink".

I turn around to see Mark/Mike stirring in his sleep again, grabbing pack of cigarettes and lighter I walk towards the door and unlock it, stepping outside the sleazy motel room. I respond to Dean "Jesus Christ Dean, it's 3 am" I roll my eyes as I flick my lighter, putting one of the cigarettes to my lips, lighting it and taking a puff.

"Like I said, been trying to reach ya but you're basically a ghost" He says ironically. "Sorry man, I've been trying to avoid pops" I say, taking another drag. "Yeah I actually called him to get a hold onto you, told me you hung up on him. Kinda cold not gonna lie" Dean says lightly chuckling and it all clicks into place, that's why my dad called me.

"Shit, my bad. How have you been? You alright?" I ask worried, leaning against the door of my room. I just know he has that shit eating signature grin on his face when he hears my tone. "Awww is the Princess worried about me" He teases. "You better watch that tone before I hang up on you too" I mock threaten, teasing him back, trying to fight the smile on my face.

I take a drag from my cigarette that's nearly done as he dramatically gasps "You wouldn't dare" He say's melodramatically like an old lady in a soap opera and I laugh "Try me, Winchester" I chuckle as we share a laugh. "It's good to hear from you, Charming. What's the problem though? I know it has to be serious for you to call me at this hour" I queried, waiting for an answer.

"It's Dad, Y/N. He's gone on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days" He says, his voice somber. "He went on a case and hasn't updated you? That's strange" I say as I out my cigarette on the door still, now leaning against the railings over the ground floor of the motel.

"I'm on my way to California. I'm gonna grab Sammy from Stanford and head over to Jericho. That's where dad was working his case. You wanna tag along?" He asks hopefully. Without hesitation I say "I'm in Phoenix, just finished a milk run. If I leave as soon as sunrise I can make it for probably the next morning with a few pit stops"

"Great! I'll see you soon princess" He says flirtatiously. "Yeah yeah whatever Charming" I say chuckling "Wait did you say you're gonna grab Sammy? Have you guys talked since...." I ask cautiously. "Nah we haven't, but I'm hoping to change that. Have you?" He asks now sounding a little down. Truth is, I've talked to Sam a couple well times since he left for Stanford a couple years ago. I supported his decision to leave hunting and live a normal life. It's all we've ever talked about as kids.

He's updated me on his life at Stanford, he's got a girlfriend now. Jessica Moore, boy is she gorgeous. My little Sammy is all grown up. Ignoring the fact he's a couple months older than me and never lets me live it down but that's besides the point. He's happy and I feel bad that Dean has to go get him, but his dad is missing. They always butted heads but if it were me I'd wanna know. He needs to know.

"Yeah a couple times..." I say softly. "He misses you Dean" I add, trying to reassure Dean, knowing him he's probably overthinking going to see Sam. Dean sighs heavily before saying "I do too. I miss you as well you nutcase" I smile at this before replying "I miss you too you asshat. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow" He says and with that I hang up. I walk back into my motel room to see Mark/Mike still asleep on the bed. I gather my things, tossing them into my duffel bag. After taking a shower I wait a couple hours for sunrise so I can leave.

Right as I'm about to pick up my helmet Mark/Mike wakes up, causing me to freeze. "Didn't take you for a dine and dash type" he says chuckling. I laugh as well "I'll take that as a compliment, I'm actually on my way out to meet a friend. It's important"

"That's cool, it was nice meeting you Y/N" he says nicely before laying back on the bed "You too Mark" I say back smiling, his face drops "It's Max". Crap.

Authors Note

HOLY SHIT! I'm so excited I can't. If you haven't noticed this is my first fanfiction, not my first book. The others I've deleted because they were embarrassing and I wrote them when I was 12 lol.

This book however, I plan on sticking to it. I've been contemplating doing a series rewrite on Supernatural for monthssss. Honestly I've read so much and there are plots I loved but also hated in some. So I decided to add a bit of a twist on mine.

I really hope whoever decided to read this that you like the plot I'm going with and I'm sure you've noticed that y/n is a little cold towards her father. I'm gonna be honest, I'm writing based off my my experience with my dad.

I do plan on developing their relationship but in the later episodes/chapters. Whoever is reading I just want to say thank you for giving my book a chance and I do hope you like the plot I am going to use for y/n's story.

As I am bisexual, I've been thinking about making y/n bisexual also but I know there's a lot of straight girlies on Wattpad. So I'd like to know your opinion if I should add that fact. Also I know Harley-Davidson VRSC came out in 2006 but this is a fictional book so let's just pretend it came out in the 90s or something lol.

Side note.

Y/N- Your name

Y/N/N- your nickname

F/N - your father's name

M/N- your mother's name

Xoxo

#spn #dean winchester #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x you #dean and sam #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x reader #sam and dean

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cheynovak · 1 month

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Somewhere only we know - Part 2

Dean Winchester x F/Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: 18+, smut, fluff, angst, just a lot of love

Side note: English isn’t my first language.

This story does not follow the SPN timeline.

After the hunt where Dean met Y/N in a dream caused by a Djinn the brothers move on. Although Dean and Y/N said goodbye she keeps lingering in his head. What if he had stayed, would she loved, him the same way as she did in their shared dream.

Now many years later their paths cross again.

The bunker echoed with the sound of new voices, an underground sanctuary where the Winchester brothers found solace amidst the chaos of their world. Sam, ever the strategist, had brought a new purpose to their home. He had opened its doors to those who strayed from the apocalypse world, seeking refuge and guidance in the ways of hunting.

Dean paced the dimly lit corridors, the tension of unfamiliar faces settling heavily upon him. He had always been wary of outsiders, his loyalty fiercely guarded around those he deemed worthy. But this influx of strangers, each with their own tales and trials, left him feeling like a stranger in his own home.

Mary had spoken to Sam a few hours ago, about how Dean lived in silence amongst them. Worried about her oldest son she had asked Sam to talk to him. Giving him more purpose.

One evening, as the bunker hummed with the murmurs of its newfound inhabitants, Sam sought out his brother in the confines of his room. He found Dean sitting alone, listening to some music to shut out the chaos swirling outside his door.

“Hey, Dean,” Sam’s voice broke through the stillness, a beacon of familiarity in the darkness. Dean glanced up, his expression guarded yet softened by the sight of his brother. “Hey, Sammy,” he greeted, the lines of tension easing from his features.

“Why don’t you join us for dinner tonight, it might be nice to meet some people.” Dean sighed, the weight of responsibility pressing down upon him like a leaden shroud. “I don’t know, Sammy,” he confessed, his voice heavy with the weight of unspoken fears.

“I’m pretty comfy out here.“ Sam looked around, “What are you doing all day, Dean?“ Well you know, “Watch tv, wash or work on Baby, listen to some music.” speaking of music. The second Foreigners waiting for a girl like you started playing Dean pushed the skip button.

“Still can’t hear that song huh?” Dean pretended it was nothing, shrugging his shoulders. “Dean... it has been years. Why didn’t you search for her already?” “And tell her what Sam? I’m sorry for not being there for you. Sorry for driving off? Sorry for not being able to give you what you need.”

“Dean...” Sam started. “No Sam! I made a choice, I’m ok with that.” An awkward silence fell between the brothers. He didn’t believe his older brother, he loved or cared either too much or too little and, in this case, it was way too much.

“Well, you need to get out more, maybe you could fetch us the food I just ordered?” Sam suggested, Dean rose from his seat with a heavy sigh. “If you want me gone, just say so Sammy.” Sam looked hurt and shocked. ”D-Dean that’s not it...” But before he could say more the older brother was gone.

As he drove, the cool breeze of the open road washing over him, Dean felt a sense of liberation he hadn’t realized he’d been craving.

Y/N sat at a cozy booth in the burger joint, as she waited for her date to return from the restroom so they could leave. The soft chatter of other diners and the clinking of silverware filled the air, creating a soothing ambiance that enveloped her in a sense of calm.

Alex wasn’t a bad guy, but their conversations were filled with awkward silences and when he talked all he could talk about was work. They met at the office, he was always the nice quiet guy.

When he asked her out, she knew how much it would have taken from him. So, she said yes. As she zoomed out, looking in front of her, amidst the gentle hum of conversation, she heard it.

A familiar rumble, a distinct purr that sent a shiver of recognition down her spine. Her heart skipped a beat as she recognised the sound. She glanced through the window, her breath catching in her throat as she spotted the unmistakable silhouette of a Chevy Impala parked outside.

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips, memories flooding her mind like a tidal wave of nostalgia. The sound of that engine was etched into her soul, a reminder of a time long past yet never forgotten.

Her date returned to the table, a quizzical look in his eyes as he noticed the smile playing on her lips. “What’s got you grinning like that?” he asked, curiosity lacing his words.

Y/N hesitated for a moment, her gaze lingering on the Impala parked outside. “Oh, it’s nothing,” she replied, her voice tinged with a hint of wistfulness. “Just a fond memory, that’s all.”

Her date nodded, accepting her vague answer with a shrug before diving back into conversation. But Y/N couldn’t shake the feeling of longing that settled in the pit of her stomach, the echo of that familiar sound reverberating through her thoughts like a haunting melody.

Y/N had to be honest and tell Alex a few times she didn’t hear him. All she could do was glance outside.

When they stepped out of the diner, the cool night air wrapping around them like a comforting embrace. Y/N’s eyes immediately sought out the familiar shape of the Impala parked nearby, her steps instinctively leading her towards it.

Leaving her date standing alone a few feet away.

As she approached the car, her hand reached out almost of its own accord, gliding over the smooth surface of the Impala’s body. Tracing her curves like she was a woman needed to be loved. She peeked inside her heart raced. It looked exactly like the car he used to drive.

And then she noticed the carvings, the initials, the same once he had seen that night. After taking a breath she greeted the car like she had been a friend.

This must be a dream. She thought. I'm dreaming.

“Hello, baby,” she murmured softly out of nostalgia, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her date watched in surprise, a curious expression flickering across his features. “Is this your car?” he asked, his tone tinged with a mix of confusion and admiration.

Y/N didn’t turn to him, a sheepish smile playing on her lips as she was reliving her memories in her mind. “No, actually,” she admitted, a hint of embarrassment colouring her cheeks. “But I’ve always had a soft spot for classic cars... especially this one.”

Her date’s eyebrows lifted in surprise, his gaze drifting back to the Impala with newfound appreciation. “I can see why,” he remarked, his voice tinged with admiration. “It’s a beautiful car.”

Dean stepped out of the diner, the familiar sound of the closing door echoing in his ears. His eyes fell upon the Impala and the two people standing around her.

He couldn’t help but smile as he approached, he overheard a man’s voice, commenting on the car’s beauty. “She sure is,” Dean replied without missing a beat, his voice filled with a mixture of pride and affection for his cherished vehicle.

Turning to face the source of the comment, Dean’s gaze fell upon the woman standing nearby his car, looking inside, a flicker of recognition dancing in his eyes as he took in their presence... “Y/N?”

Y/N’s eyes widened in astonishment as she recognised his voice, a rush of memories flooding back at the sight of the familiar face before her. “Dean?” she whispered, disbelief colouring her tone as she took in his rugged features and trademark leather jacket.

Dean’s smile widened at the sound of his name on her lips, a sense of familiarity washing over him at the sight of her. He couldn't help but stare, his gaze lingering on Y/N longer than he intended.

Memories flashed before his eyes, a whirlwind of emotions threatening to overwhelm him as he took in her appearance, the way her hair fell around her face, the sparkle of recognition in her eyes, her lips as she smiled at him.

Dean's eyes trailed over Y/N's figure. He couldn't deny the rush of desire that surged through him at the sight of her, the memory of her beauty was nothing compared to the real deal.

For a moment, time seemed to stand still as they stood there, locked in a silent exchange that spoke volumes without a single word spoken. Dean felt a rush of nostalgia wash over him.

Y/N couldn't help but notice the change in Dean, the transformation from the young boy she had once known into the handsome man standing before her. His rugged features held a maturity that spoke of the trials and tribulations he had faced, yet his green eyes still held a spark of the boy she remembered.

As Dean's green eyes met hers, Y/N felt a warmth spread through her. For a moment, they stood there, locked in a silent exchange that spoke volumes without a single word spoken.

Y/N’s date looked between them, confusion evident in his expression as he realized the connection between Dean and Y/N. “Do you two know each other?” he asked, his tone laced with curiosity.

Dean chuckled, a twinkle of amusement dancing in his eyes as he glanced at Y/N. “You could say that,” he replied cryptically, a knowing smirk playing on his lips as he shared a brief glance with Y/N.

“Oh, eh right. Dean meet Alex, Alex this is Dean.” The men shook hands. Dean looked back at you. “Boyfriend?” he asked a little scared. Y/N's heart skipped a beat at the question. "Oh no, no, just a colleague," she replied quickly, almost instinctively.

Relief washed over Dean's face, and Y/N couldn't help but notice the sadness that clouded Alex's expression. Alex's reaction was immediate. She could see the pain flicker across his face, a silent admission of the feelings he had begun to develop for her.

"I... I think I should go," Alex said, his voice barely a whisper as he turned to leave. “Wait a second.” Y/N said walking over to his car.

Y/N's heart sank as she watched him walk away, a pang of regret coursing through her veins. She knew she had hurt him, and for that, she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt.

"Thank you for the evening, Alex," her voice filled with gratitude and sorrow. “it’s just eh... Dean and I we eh...” “Have a history, I can tell.” He finished her sentence. “I see you on Monday, right?” She nodded and looked back at Dean when Alex drove off.

A small silence grew between Dean and Y/N. Staring at each other.

Suddenly, Dean broke the silence. "So, where do you live now?" Y/N hesitated for a moment before replying, "I moved to Kansas." While slowly walking back towards him.

Dean looked at Y/N, his eyes softening with a hint of longing. Not wanting to let her go just yet. "Hey, eh why don't you join us tonight if you have nothing else to do?" he asked, his voice gentle yet insistent.

Y/N hesitated, uncertainty clouding her thoughts. “Us?” she asked “Sam, me, a few other people who we, let’s say co house with.” She was still in doubt. But Dean's words broke through her hesitation. "We could catch up, it has been a while" he suggested, his tone filled with sincerity.

Caught between the pull of the past and the promise of the present, Y/N found herself nodding in agreement. "Okay," she said softly, a sense of anticipation stirring within her.

Dean's face lit up with a genuine smile as he reached for the car door. "Milady," he said, his voice warm with affection and a touch of playfulness.

Y/N couldn't help but return his smile, feeling a sense of familiarity and comfort wash over her at his gesture. With a graceful nod, she stepped into the car, the soft leather seats enveloping her in a sense of nostalgia.

Even the smell was still the same as she remembered.

The ride was quiet part from the soft rock music coming from the radio.

Dean glanced at Y/N seated beside him, a rush of memories flooded his mind, triggered by the faint scent that lingered in the air. It was her scent, a familiar fragrance that brought back a cascade of emotions from their shared past.

The scent carried him back to moments they had spent together and in this car.

He remembered the way her body felt pressed against his, the warmth of her skin igniting a fire within him that he thought had long been extinguished. Their fingers intertwined, their hearts beating in sync as they surrendered to the passion that had consumed them that night.

He recalled the soft sighs that escaped her lips, the gentle curve of her neck as he leaned in to kiss her, and the way her breath caught in her throat as their lips met in a fervent embrace.

Y/N's voice gently pulled Dean out of his memory. "What's on your mind?" she asked. Dean hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to put his thoughts into words. But then, with a sigh, he decided to be partly honest with her. "It's just... it's no longer just me and my brother," he admitted, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness.

He watched as Y/N's expression softened. "What do you mean?" “The bunker is filled with people, new people, hunters, allies, friends... it's complicated,"

Dean explained a little what happened while parking the car in the garage. Before walking back into the chaos.

Dean walked Y/N out of the garage, his steps slow and deliberate as he led her towards the entrance of the bunker. As they approached the entrance, Dean took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was to come.

He pushed open the heavy door, revealing the bustling activity of the bunker beyond. Hunters and friends, their voices echoing off the walls. Spotting Sam across the room, Dean raised his voice to be heard over the din. "Hey, you remember Y/N, right?" he said, drawing the attention of those around him.

As the chatter died down, all eyes turned to Dean and Y/N, curiosity evident in their expressions. Dean took a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking.

"I want to introduce you all to someone," he began, gesturing towards Y/N beside him. "This is Y/N. She is... eh, a friend."

A murmur of surprise rippled through the crowd, and Dean couldn't help but notice the look of shock on Mary’s face as their eyes met across the room.

As Sam approached Y/N, a warm smile spread across his face, genuine pleasure evident in his eyes. "Y/N, it's so good to see you again," he greeted her, his voice filled with sincerity.

Y/N returned his smile, feeling a sense of warmth wash over her at his genuine welcome. "It's good to see you too, Sam," she replied, her voice tinged with gratitude.

As they caught up, Y/N couldn't help but marvel at how effortlessly she fell back into conversation with Sam and the other people here.

Meanwhile, Dean watched from the sidelines, a pang of loneliness tugging at his heart as he observed how well Y/N seemed to fit in with everyone else. He couldn't deny the twinge of jealousy that crept into his mind as he watched her laughing and chatting with the others.

Y/N couldn't ignore the sight of Dean sitting alone in the corner, nursing a beer as he watched the people around him. Sensing his solitude, she made her way over to him, determined to offer him some company.

"Hey," she said softly as she approached, a gentle smile playing on her lips. "Mind if I join you?" Dean looked up, surprised to see her standing there. A faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You, never, go ahead."

Y/N settled herself beside him, the warmth of her presence a comforting contrast to the coolness of the room.

Mary nodded to Sam while she spotted them, “Who is she?” Sam smiled softly “Y/N, we met her during a hunt. It was so long ago I don’t remember when, must have been at least 10 years.”

“Dean seems to like her enough to bring her home.” Mary noticed. “I know he was torn when he had to leave her. It took me while to realise it wasn’t the Djinn that affected him, he never talked about her but later I realised it was leaving her that upset him.”

Mary looked at her youngest boy, Sam could read the question in her eyes. “I said he had to contact her, start a life with her if he wanted, but he claimed it was nothing like that.” Sam nodded towards his brother.

“Seeing him like this, makes me realise he wasn’t honest to himself.”

"It's a bit hectic out there, huh?" she remarked, gesturing to the bustling crowd.

Dean nodded, taking a sip of his beer. "Yeah, it's a bit much for me sometimes," Y/N studied him for a moment, noting the weariness etched into his features.

She took his beer out of his hands putting it on the table behind them. "Why don't we go sit somewhere quieter?" she suggested, her tone gentle yet earnest. "Just the two of us."

"Yeah, I'd like that,"

As Dean led Y/N to his room, his quiet sanctuary away from the bustling activity of the bunker, he couldn't help but feel a sense of nervousness creeping over him.

Y/N settled onto his bed, leaning against the bedframe with a relaxed ease that contrasted sharply with Dean's own awkwardness. He stood by the doorway, unsure of what to do with himself now that they were alone together.

Y/N looked up at him, a gentle smile playing on her lips, tapping the bed. "You can sit down, you know, I won’t bite." she offered, patting the space beside her on the bed.

As Dean settled onto the bed beside Y/N, the floodgates of conversation opened, and he found himself pouring out everything that had happened to him over the past ten years.

He spoke of the battles fought, the losses endured, and the moments of triumph that had shaped him into the person he was today. How he met Cas and Jack. How his mom was back.

Y/N listened intently, her eyes locked on his as he recounted his journey, her expression a mixture of empathy and understanding. To his surprise she took everything in very quiet.

“Dean?” he looked up at her. “Be honest with me please. Why don’t you like being around these people? What holds you back to make friends?” she asked him.

So typical he though, she hasn’t seen me in years and sees right through me.

Dean got up, his movements around the room became restless, his hands fidgeting with objects as he avoided Y/N's gaze. Her question hung heavy in the air, stirring up emotions he had long tried to bury.

"It's not that I don't like being around them," Dean began, his voice low and hesitant. "It's just... complicated."

He paused, struggling to find the right words to express the turmoil swirling inside him. How could he explain the weight of responsibility that rested on his shoulders, the constant fear of failure, the overwhelming sense of duty that consumed him?

"They depend on Sam and me," he continued, his voice tinged with frustration. "And sometimes, I feel like I'm drowning under the weight of it all. Like I'm not allowed to just... be."

"I get it," she said softly, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his arm. "But you can't have Sammy carry that weight alone.” She got up and held his hand. “And you can always come to me if you need.”

"Thank you," he said softly, in the quiet intimacy of the room, Dean's gratitude lingered in the air between them like a tangible presence.

“You know,” she started “I always hoped you would knock on my door again.” As their eyes locked, a mix of emotions danced in the depths of their gaze, unspoken words swirling in the space between them.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I-I was protecting you. You don’t deserve a life like this.”

In Y/N's eyes, Dean saw understanding, compassion, and a flicker of something deeper, a connection that transcended mere words. He felt a sense of warmth spreading through him, a feeling of acceptance and belonging that he had longed for more than he cared to admit.

Y/N saw vulnerability, strength, and a glimmer of hope shining through the layers of his guarded exterior. She felt a surge of affection welling up inside her, a desire to offer him comfort and solace in the midst of his inner turmoil.

“But what if I want to?” She looked at his lips while his hand moved to the back of her neck.

As they closed the space between them ever so slowly, the air crackled with anticipation, a silent invitation passing between them. Their lips met in a tender embrace, a shared moment of vulnerability.

The sensation was electric, sending shivers down his spine as he pulled Y/N closer, his hands finding her hips and drawing her in with a gentle urgency.

Y/N's touch on his chest ignited a fire within him, her fingers tracing the contours of his body with a delicate touch that sent waves of pleasure coursing through him.

He could feel his heart racing beneath her touch, his pulse quickening with each passing moment as they lost themselves in the sweetness of the kiss.

In that moment, nothing else mattered but the two of them, their bodies pressed together, a soft moan escaped Y/N's lips, sending a jolt of desire coursing through Dean's veins. It was as if the sound was a silent invitation, a cue that activated a primal instinct within him.

Feeling her response, Dean's hands moved with purpose, one sliding up to cradle the back of her neck again, while the other traced the curves of her body.

With a gentle yet firm touch, he guided her back, pressing her against the wall with a sense of urgency that matched the pounding of his heart.

Y/N responded eagerly, her hands moving to grasp his shoulders, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt as she pulled him closer. her skin tingling with anticipation as she surrendered to the heat coming from Dean’s body.

Their breaths mingled in the air between them, hot and heavy. Dean looks at her, making sure he wasn’t crossing any lines.

And as their lips met once more in a heated embrace, Dean couldn't help but feel a sense of exhilaration wash over him. A primal need to possess and be possessed, to lose himself in the intoxicating bliss of their shared passion.

"I missed you," he murmured, his voice husky with emotion. "More than I ever thought possible. I've thought about you every day, wondered where you were, what you were doing..."

His words trailed off as he pressed his forehead against hers, the intensity of his gaze locking with hers as if searching for reassurance in the depths of her eyes.

"I never stopped thinking about you," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "You've always been on my mind, even when I tried to push you away. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing, that you were missing."

Y/N's touch was gentle as she cupped Dean's face, her fingertips tracing the contours of his jawline with a tenderness that spoke volumes of her emotions.

"I felt the same way," she confessed, her voice soft yet filled with conviction. "I regretted letting you walk out that day. It felt like I had lost a part of myself, like I was making the biggest mistake of my life."

Dean's heart ached at her confession, "And you know," Y/N continued, her voice trembling slightly with emotion, "the only time I felt truly happy was in our dream. It was like a glimpse of what could have been, like a....”

“A reminder of the life we could have had together." Dean continued her sentence. She nodded. Feeling the weight of his emotions pressing in on him, Dean closed the space between them, his heart pounding with a mixture of anticipation and vulnerability.

His hand gently brushed against Y/N's cheek, his touch tender yet filled with urgency.

"Maybe I'm being too forward," he began, his voice raw with emotion, "but I want you to stay with me tonight. I need to feel your body close to me, to know that you're here with me."

He knew he was laying his heart bare, exposing himself in a way he hadn't done in a long time. But in that moment, all he could think about was the overwhelming need to hold Y/N in his arms, to feel her warmth against him and know that she was real.

Y/N's eyes searched his, her gaze filled with tenderness and understanding. She reached out to take his hand in hers, her touch sending a jolt of electricity coursing through him.

"I want that too," she whispered, her voice barely above a breath. "I want to be with you, Dean. To feel your arms around me and know that I'm home."

A mischievous glint sparkled in Dean's eyes as he flirted with Y/N, his heart racing with the thrill of anticipation. He settled down on the bed behind him. "Home, huh?" he teased, his voice laced with need.

"Why don't you come over here and I'll give you the warmest welcome you've ever had."

Dean's heart skipped a beat when he noticed her confidence as she climbed onto his lap, her body inches away from his as she leaned in close. "Is that a promise?" she whispered, her voice husky with desire.

Dean's grin widened, his hands reaching out to pull her closer until their bodies were pressed together. His hands guiding her to grind against his hips. "You bet it is," he replied, his voice low and smouldering with passion.

Their lips melted together in another breath-taking kiss, the world around them seemed to fade away, leaving only the electric current of desire pulsating between them.

Dean's hands roamed Y/N's body, tracing the curves of her form with a hunger he hadn’t felt in forever.

Y/N responded eagerly, her fingers tangling in Dean's hair as she deepened the kiss, her breath mingling with his in a symphony of passion. With a soft moan, Dean rolled over, laying her beneath him, pulling her closer until there was no space left between them.

His hand moved under her shirt, Y/N gasped at the sensation, her heart racing with the intensity of their connection. His hands roamer her breasts, kneading while his lips nip at her neck.

Clothes became obstacles, hastily discarded in their eagerness to feel each other's skin against their own.

Y/N's soft moans filled the air, Dean felt a surge of primal desire wash over him, his own breath hitching in response. Loving how she said his name.

The sound was like music to his ears, igniting a fire within him that burned hotter with each passing moment.

"God, you sound so beautiful," he murmured against her skin, his voice husky with desire. "I could listen to you all night." Y/N's moans grew louder, more urgent, as Dean's hands explored every inch of her body with a reverence that bordered on worship. Each touch sent sparks flying.

“I need to feel you.” he murmured against her neck.

Their breath mingled in the quiet of the night, the heat of their passion igniting a fire that burned hot between them.

Dean's fingers traced lazy patterns along Y/N's skin, sending shivers of anticipation coursing through her body. With each touch, she felt herself melting into him, her desire building with every caress.

Feeling the undeniable heat radiating from Y/N's core, Dean couldn't resist the urge to explore further. His hand trailed down her body, his fingers dancing lightly over her hips before slipping between her thighs.

Y/N gasped as Dean's touch sent shockwaves of pleasure coursing through her, her body arching instinctively towards him. With a soft groan, Dean pressed his hard length against her folds, teasing her with the promise of ecstasy.

"God, you feel so good," Dean whispered, his voice husky with desire as he rubbed himself against her, his movements sending waves of pleasure crashing over her.

Y/N moaned in response, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she surrendered herself to the delicious friction. "You want this, don't you?" Dean murmured, his voice dripping with desire as he teased her mercilessly, his words stoking the flames of her arousal.

Y/N could only nod in response, her body trembling with anticipation as she surrendered herself completely to the ecstasy of their shared desire. ”Y-yes, please Dean. Please.”

With a low growl of satisfaction, Dean plunged himself deep inside her, the sensation of their bodies joining sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through them both.

Y/N couldn't help but curse under her breath as she felt the fullness of Dean inside her, his size stretching her in the most delicious way. She clenched around him, her body instinctively responding to him.

Dean groaned at the sensation, his muscles on his back tensing, while he placed his face in her neck. He leaned into her touch, flexing beneath her hand as she caressed the tense muscles.

"Fuck, Y/N," Dean breathed, his voice rough with desire as he buried himself deeper inside her.

Dean's movements slowed, each thrust deliberate and purposeful, the sensation of being one with Y/N was better than he had ever hoped for. With each deep, deliberate movement, he ensured she felt every inch of him, his body moving in perfect harmony with hers.

Earning every moan or sigh.

Y/N's breath hitched as she felt Dean's slow and steady pace, her body responding eagerly to his every touch. "God, Dean," Y/N gasped, her voice husky with desire as she met his gaze with a hunger that matched his own. "You feel so good inside me."

Dean groaned in response "Fuck, Y/N," Dean whispered, his voice rough with desire "Oh, sweetheart," he breathed, his voice rough with need. "Tell me what you want."

Y/N grinned, her lips brushing against his ear as she whispered, "I want you to fuck me senseless, Dean. I want to feel every inch of you inside me, driving me wild with pleasure."

"God, Y/N," he groaned, his voice thick with desire. "That’s so fucking hot."

Y/N chuckled softly, the sound sending a thrill of anticipation coursing through Dean's veins. "You haven't seen anything yet, baby," she teased, her voice dripping with promise as she trailed kisses along his jawline.

Dean's heart pounded in his chest as he felt himself growing harder with each passing moment. "Then show me, sweetheart," he whispered, his voice thick with desire. "Show me everything you've got."

With a playful smile, Y/N shifted her position, straddling Dean's hips as she positioned herself above him.

Dean's breath caught in his throat as he watched her with hungry eyes, his hands reaching out to grasp her hips as she lowered herself onto him. With a slow, deliberate movement, she sank down onto his cock.

Y/N moaned softly as she began to move, her hips rocking back and forth in a steady rhythm as she rode him with a skill that left him breathless. With each thrust, each movement, she felt herself spiralling closer and closer to the edge of ecstasy, her mind consumed with the overwhelming need for release.

Dean groaned beneath her, his hands gripping her hips. Feeling Y/N tightening around him, Dean knew she was on the brink of orgasm, and he wanted nothing more than to join her in the ecstasy of release.

With a primal growl, he guided her movements, urging her to ride him harder, faster, as he whispered words of encouragement in her ear. "That's it, sweetheart," Dean groaned, his voice thick with desire. "Ride me harder sweetheart. I want to feel you come apart around me."

Y/N's moans filled the room as she surrendered herself completely to the pleasure coursing through her body, her movements becoming more urgent as she chased the elusive peak of ecstasy.

Dean's hands roamed over her body, his touch igniting a fire that burned hotter with each passing moment. "You're so fucking sexy," he murmured, his voice rough with desire. "I want to come with you, sweetheart. I want to feel you come apart in my arms."

Y/N's breath hitched as she felt herself teetering on the edge, her body trembling with anticipation as she rode him harder, faster, her movements driving him to the brink of madness.

As Dean felt Y/N's body tighten around him in the throes of her orgasm, he couldn't hold back any longer. With a primal growl, he thrust up into her. He buried himself deep inside her, becoming more urgent as he surrendered himself completely to the overwhelming pleasure coursing through his veins.

He sits up wrapping his arms around her as he feels his own release. Y/N cried out as she felt him release inside her, her body trembling with the intensity of their shared climax. She collapsed against him, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she rode out the waves of pleasure crashing over her.

His arms still wrapped around her as they clung to each other in the aftermath of their passion. Their bodies pressed close, they shared heavy breaths, their hearts pounding in sync.

Dean's voice was husky with desire as he whispered in Y/N's ear, his breath warm against her skin. "God, that, you, were better than I remembered," he admitted. Y/N's heart swelled with warmth at his words, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she leaned into him.

"You're not so bad yourself, Winchester," she teased, her voice filled with affection and adoration.

Dean chuckled softly, the sound vibrating through his chest as he held her close. "I guess we make a pretty good team," he mused, his fingers tracing lazy circles on her back.

Dean's touch was gentle as he caressed Y/N's thighs and hips, his fingers tracing patterns on her skin as they lay together in the quiet of the room. But as Y/N voiced her worries about someone hearing them, Dean's expression turned possessive, a fierce glint in his eyes.

"Let them hear," Dean growled softly, his voice low and filled with determination. "Let them know that you're mine."

Y/N's breath caught in her throat at his words, a thrill of excitement coursing through her veins as she met his gaze. "Yours?"

She had never seen this side of Dean before, and the intensity of his possessiveness sent a shiver of desire down her spine.

Dean's voice was tinged with uncertainty as he spoke. "At least if you want to be my girl," he murmured, his words filled with vulnerability as he laid bare his fears.

Her fingers reaching out to gently brush against his cheek. "Dean," she whispered softly, her gaze filled with tenderness and affection. "I don't want just one night with you. I want every night. I want forever."

"You do?" he asked, Y/N nodded, her eyes shining with sincerity. "I do," she affirmed, her voice filled with conviction. "I want to be yours, Dean. Completely, utterly your"

A relieved smile spread across Dean's face as he pulled her closer into his arms, holding her so close as if he never wanted to let her go. "Then you're mine," he whispered, his voice filled with certainty. "Forever and always."

They lay together, wrapped in each other's arms, almost falling asleep. Y/N’s phone rings: Foreigner I've been waiting for girl like you, started to play.

Dean looks at Y/N, they stare at each other for a second before they started laughing.

Knowing this was a sign.

-----------

Song lyrics : Foreigner - Waiting for a girl like you

Let me know what you think, like, share or comment <3

If you liked this, please check out my masterlist for other stories.

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@suckitands33 @mostlymarvelgirl @yvonneeeee

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pink-sparkly-witch · 6 months

Text

The One That Got Away - Chapter Seventeen

Warnings: language, kissing, smut, oral sex (m and f rec), fingering, p in v.

Rating: 18+ Only

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: Well, this is it… the last chapter, only a short epilogue to come next week, and then we say goodbye to these two! Thank you to everyone who came on this journey with me. I appreciate every single one of you! 💖

You can catch up here!

My Masterlist AO3 Ko-Fi

Pulling up and parking outside Dean’s house, Y/N got out of the vehicle, filled with intent, as she walked confidently to his door and knocked. She made a deal with herself as she dressed to come here: she wouldn’t overthink it. In fact, she wouldn’t think about it at all because if she did, she’d probably realise just how crazy and desperate this was.

Dean answered the door and smiled as he took her in, but when his lips turned upside down, and a look of confusion furrowed his brow, she lost all of the earlier confidence she had and realised that might have been a bad idea.

“Y/N, sweetheart? Is everything alright?” Dean asked, and she mumbled a quiet curse that she’d come over out of the blue and was worrying him.

“I’m sorry for showing up unannounced. I checked with Uncle Bobby to make sure you weren’t working, and I just needed to come. I know we haven’t arranged another day to meet, but I can’t… this… this isn’t working,” she rambles out, and her eyes widen when Dean’s flash with hurt.

“Every time we’ve planned to meet for the past three weeks, something happens that means we need to reschedule, and I can’t do it anymore. So I thought maybe if I came here unplanned, then maybe we could have a fighting chance at this.”

“It’s four,” Dean responded with a smirk.

“What?” she replied, confused.

“We’ve been rescheduling for four weeks.”

“All the more reason to say ‘screw it,’” Y/N stepped towards him and kissed him.

She felt Dean freeze for a second, and she smiled into his lips when he sighed softly and placed his hands gently on her hips. Her hands slowly slid into his short hair, and he licked at her lips, desperate to deepen the kiss, and she gladly let him.

Y/N’s nerves hummed with anticipation and from her awakening arousal. Dean had always been a good kisser. Her experience in kissing boys had been lacking when they started dating, so she didn’t have much to compare it to until she moved away. It was then she appreciated just how good of a kisser he was. And he did not disappoint now, either.

Things became heated between them quickly, hands roaming, and neither could get enough of the other. While she didn’t come here with the intention of sleeping with him tonight, she remembered enough about her first love to know that this was probably leading to his bedroom.

“Ahem.”

A throat clearing behind Dean made her freeze, and when he pulled away from her lips, sighed, and put his head on her shoulder, she saw John leaning against the kitchen doorframe, smirking at them, and Mary grinning.

“Don’t stop on our account,” Mary said with a laugh, and Dean groaned in annoyance.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve called first. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be–” Y/N started but was cut off by Dean’s lips on hers.

“Stay,” he whispered as he pulled away from her and rested his forehead on hers. “Mom brought over a lasagne. Trust me, they’re just leaving.”

“You’re not just saying that are you?” Y/N grinned.

“No, I swear!” Dean chuckled and held his hands up.

“He’s right, sweetie,” Mary said. “When I heard he’d been called into work to help with the accident yesterday, I knew he wouldn’t have eaten much, and I brought over some food. We are just leaving. We’re just heading over to see Sam and Jess and help with the last few things before the baby comes.”

“See? Stay.” The puppy eyes Dean threw her way were unfair, and Y/N hated that she still couldn’t say no to them.

“Okay,” she agreed.

“Thank you,” Dean sighed, feeling his insecurities leave him and finally believing Y/N wants this as much as he does. Cupping her cheeks, he placed a soft peck on her lips and took her hand to pull her further into the house.

The door had barely closed behind John and Mary when Dean’s lips were on hers again. She thought she’d feel nervous, but as they kissed and their hands started roaming under clothing, it felt like they’d spent no time apart. It felt right. It felt like home.

Dean’s arms circled her waist, and he gently tapped, encouraging her to jump up and hook her legs around his waist. The second he had a secure grip on her, he carried her upstairs and into his bedroom.

Laying her on the bed, Dean stepped back and removed his denim shirt before pulling off his shoes and her boots. He crawled up the bed, covered her body with his, and their lips met again.

Y/N’s hands trailed under his black T-shirt, and she shivered, feeling his muscles quiver under her touch. Pulling the material up, she broke away from him just long enough to remove his shirt and throw it on the floor.

Dean quickly followed her lead and slid his hands up her waist, dragging the material of her soft cotton shirt with them and removing it. Sitting back on his heels, he unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them off her legs, leaving her only in her underwear.

Standing from the bed, his jeans joined the pile of discarded clothing on his floor. He groaned loudly as Y/N’s small hand rubbed his semi-erect length through the thin material of his underwear.

Once he was at full hardness, she removed his underwear, moaning at the reveal of his thick, hard, leaking cock. Leaning forward, Y/N gently licked at his glans, circling her tongue around it, collecting his precome, and slipping him into her mouth.

With a gasp, Dean’s hands gripped her hair softly. Peaking up at him through hooded eyes, she pushed her head further down his length than he was expecting and moaned, the vibrations from her throat making him growl and his head fall back.

“Y/N, I’m gonna need you to stop, or this will be over embarrassingly quickly,” Dean whimpered.

She pulled off him with an obscene slurping sound, making him growl again. He kneeled on the floor before her, placing a hand on each leg and sliding them up to meet her underwear.

“Lie back, Princess,” Dean murmured, and she was quick to do as he said, lying back on her elbows. He slowly pulled the lace garment off her legs, his fingers trailing over her skin, causing her to shiver and prickle with goosebumps.

“Spread those legs for me,” Dean said, his voice deep with arousal, as he discarded her underwear on the floor. Y/N whimpered as she let her legs fall to either side and watched Dean’s eyes change to a deep forest green as lust clouded over him.

Grabbing her ankles, Dean pulled her down the bed and wrapped his arms around her legs, pinning her thighs to the bed. Dipping his head down, he groaned at the shiny tell-tale signs of her arousal.

“Hmm,” he hummed and licked his lips. “So wet already, Princess. Can I taste you?”

“Please, Dean,” Y/N begged, grateful he didn’t tease her too long before she felt that first long swipe of his tongue make its way from the bottom of her soaking, aching slit to the top.

Pushing his tongue between her folds, Dean expertly found her tiny bundle of nerves and repeatedly flicked the tip of his wet muscle over it. Y/N could feel him grin as her natural reflexes of trying to close her legs made him hold her tighter and push her further into the bed, forcing her to stay open to him.

As his mouth brought her higher and higher, she tried to ground herself by running her hands through his hair and gently tugging on the short strands. Dean moaned, and she smirked, remembering how much his hair being played with drove him wild.

The gentle scrape of her fingers over his head spurred him on in his efforts, and his mouth and tongue licked and sucked like a man hellbent on giving her the most powerful orgasm possible.

Y/N was already close to unravelling under the attention of his mouth, so when his finger pushed inside her, her back arched, and her head fell to the mattress. She moaned loudly and tightened her grip on his hair.

When one finger became two, and those fingers curled upwards, she fell apart completely. Her hips bucked to get his fingers to fuck her deeper; a long, rumbling groan escaped through the waves of pure pleasure, her fingers tugging mercilessly on his hair. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d felt this good. She felt like she was flying and never wanted to be on solid ground again.

Dean placed a final kiss on her sex before kissing his way up her body. He paused at her breasts, sliding his hands behind her back, unhooked her bra, pulled the straps down, and removed the last barrier between them.

Continuing his path of kisses up her body, he finally came to rest on her lips. He circled his hips, grinding himself into her wet heat. The sensation made her gasp, and Dean took it as an opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. Y/N quickly captured it with hers, and when Dean pulled away too soon, she chased his lips, only opening her eyes when she heard his soft chuckle.

When her gaze met his, he pushed his hips forward and filled her completely. Feeling her stretch perfectly to accommodate his girth, Dean watched as her mouth opened and her eyes rolled. Once fully within her, he held still, wanting to savour the connection and feeling that was Y/N for as long as possible.

He knew this wouldn’t be his best performance. Not even one of his top ten. Because this has been all he has wanted for the past twelve years. Because every time he’d had a girl beneath him, he’d wished and fantasised that it was the girl under him right now.

Pulling his hips back slowly, Dean thrust back in with a groan. Y/N’s warm, wet core was even better than he remembered, and as he pulled back again, he moved his hand between their bodies and thumbed at her clit.

Y/N whimpered at the extra pleasure Dean was giving her, but from the fire burning in her core, she guessed it probably wasn’t necessary because the feeling of him, the love he was radiating, and the overwhelming peace that blanketed her already had her close to climaxing.

She screamed as Dean’s thumb caught a particularly sensitive part of her clit. Knowing he’d found his girl’s sweet spot, he repeated the motion until she came undone again, gasping his name like a prayer and her walls clenching him beautifully.

He couldn’t hold back any longer. He pushed in until his whole length was inside her, and they were skin to skin, completely as one. He stilled, and with a roar of her name, he emptied everything he had inside her.

Dean rolled off her, pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, and as she drifted off to sleep, Y/N felt safe and loved, and that was all she’d ever dreamed of.

Next Chapter >>

Tags: @acitygrownwillow @akshi8278 @ashbatz @candy-coated-misery0731 @chriszgirl92 @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @deansbbyx @deanwanddamons @duncanhillscoffeecups @foxyjwls007 @giggles1026 @globetrotter28 @hobby27 @hoboal87 @impala67rollingthroughtown @iprobablyshipit91 @jackles010378 @jamerlynn @jc-winchester @k-slla @kazsrm67 @kmc1989 @lacilou @ladysparkles78 @leigh70 @lyarr24 @maliburenee @michecolegate @mrsjenniferwinchester @nancymcl @negans-lucille-tblr @nelachu2423 @octoberclidan @perpetualabsurdity @roseblue373 @sandlee44 @sexyvixen7 @snackles87 @spnbaby-67 @spnwoman @stixnstripesworld @stoneyggirl2 @suckitands33 @synmorite @tristanrosspada-ackles @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @winchestergirl1720

#the one that got away #18+#firefighter!dean winchester x reader #au dean winchester x reader #dean winchester smut #smut #tw: child abuse #tw: alcoholism #tw: physical abuse #tw: verbal abuse #firefighter!dean winchester #dean winchester x reader

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sleepingbeautysammy · 9 months

Text

a list in no particular order of wincest/spn fics that i want to crawl inside and never leave, that really pinpoint what i like abt samdean or spn etc etc just like. hits the nail on the head for me:

(btw if you have any fics that are kind of like these or u think i would like please let me see please)

dead unfinished selves by hathfrozen

i love cannibalism and horror and codependency and this hits all the marks for me!! so well written too.

credence by road_rhythm

sleeping beauty references 😍 somnophilia 😍 i loveeee this one sm.

easy access by edwardina

i love sam in skirts and i love breeding what can i say?

good girl by blindswandive

this literally makes me short circuit so hard i love girlsam

the very first stone by road_rhythm

every single chapter with the different povs stunned me. everything about this is perfect and sucks you right into their world. i cannot stress it enough i LOVE this fic.

splinters by morgan

COWBOY SOUTHERN GOTHIC AU PREACHER JOHN FIRE STARTER SAM!!! god this fic is beautiful and stunning amazing i love it

distance swimmer by lichenthrope

god. f/f samdean does smth to me dean in this is sooo hot

the palm oasis by fictionallemons

the world building in this is immaculate, the setting and mood sucks you in so deep i feel like i’m there with them. one of my fave eras too.

wolfpack by tabaqui

okay this whole series really does it for me cause i love scary winchesters. there is a part with a mary prayer card in the second part that i cannot get out of my mind ever.

they then ate the sailors by coyotesuspect

case fic that rattles my brain it’s so well rounded and thought out. i adore the apartment, the water, everything.

tape by franceshouseman

the voyeuristic quality and dirty talk in this fic is incredibly hot, i think about it a lot.

odysseus, american by coyotesuspect

i love love loveeee classical references in fics, and the idea of dean listening to the odyssey delights me to no end. this fic brought a tear to my eye. love you dean

show me again, shame takes hold by objectlesson

BUTCH DEAN. BUTCH DEAN. BUTCH DEAN. she makes me melt.

squint into the sun | glare into the gloaming by dyed_red

god this one is good. i love the slow burn i love sam’s inability to be ashamed. loved the john pov. love a good john finds out fic please read this one

brother only wants by hathfrozen

god this slow burn is so so delicious it really pays off and all their little moments it’s like it really has all the aspects of their obsession w each other and their dynamic like the sex isn’t even the main point (tho when it finally happens 😍 fucking fireworks) so good

the blood in your mouth by hathfrozen

dean has cannibalistic thoughts about sam and they fuck nasty about it. i s2g idgaf i WILL rec individual fics by the same author if i see so fit.

an act of faith against the night by hathfrozen

this one is hot and heartbreaking at the same time. love it when sammy cries. s3, sam is upset about deans deal and they fuck nasty about it.

#supernatural #samdean #fic rec #wincest #save

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sofreddie · 1 year

Text

Afraid to Love

Summary: Afraid of love, afraid of the Mark, afraid of the consequences of their night together, she ran. When Dean shows up in her life again, she has to decide whether to accept the second chance she's been presented with or give in to her instinct to run.

Characters: Dean x F!Reader, Sam, Mary

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Smut (Unprotected Sex), More Angst, More Smut (Unprotected Sex - these two! - Oral Sex), Even more Angst, Fluff

DEAN: BED SHARING (@spndeanbingo)

WC: 6,403

A/N: This started as a simple, small little thing and just grew into something else entirely. Sometimes fics just take on a life of their own. These two didn't want to be simple. Oh no! These two wanted to be complicated and straight up dumb (wrap it before you tap it y'all, I shouldn't have to tell you this). Ah, the beauty of fiction!

“So, was it Amara?” Sam asked his older brother as he packed up their bags. Now that the case was done, it was time to leave the motel.

“No,” Dean shook his head as he let out a long breath. “I-I thought it would be too. I really did.”

Sam’s brow furrowed as he listened to Dean’s words. The Qareen they were fighting took on the form of one’s deepest desire. Since the Mark had been lifted, Dean had been obsessed with Amara, unable to hurt or resist her. He was certain it would have been her image that his brother saw. Maybe it really was one of the Daisy Dukes?

“Then who-”

“Y/N.”

The name hung heavy in the air between them as the silence stretched out. Dean looked absolutely distraught and Sam’s heart ached for him.

He hadn’t thought about Y/N in a while, and he felt guilty for it. She had left when Dean first got the Mark, worried for how it was already affecting him. She took off in the night, leaving behind a note. The brothers had been unable to find her anywhere.

Sam secretly looked for her face in every passing stranger they saw. He knew Dean was upset and heartbroken when Y/N left, having been close friends with her. Sam didn’t realize just how much Dean had apparently cared for her, the Qareen appearing as her and breaking Dean all over again.

“You ever gonna tell me what happened between you two?” Sam asked as they climbed into the Impala, ready to head home. Dean drove down the road, the silence stretched out for miles.

"You remember the night she left? You hooked up with that redhead from the bar-"

"Wait. Is that why she left? Because I brought a girl back?" Sam began to panic.

"What? No!" Dean scoffed, "Full of yourself much?"

"You just said-"

"If you'd let me finish…"

One hand holding tightly onto the strap on her shoulder, Y/N raised her other hand, took a deep breath, and knocked quickly on the door. She listened as footsteps approached, a pause, then several locks being disengaged.

The door opened and a smirking Dean Winchester leaned against the doorframe. Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Sam found company for the night,” she started. Dean’s brow quirked in interest. “So I was hoping you’d be okay with me sleeping in the car?”

He stood straight, “Why would I let you sleep in the car?”

He opened the door further and gestured her inside. Her eyes looked past him into the room, finding it empty of anyone else, the bed still neatly made.

“I thought you had company,” she uttered.

Dean grinned and relaxed, “You sound jealous.”

She rolled her eyes hard, her head lolling with it, “Yeah, I’ll go find a park bench.”

She turned to leave, Dean stepping forward and grabbing her by the arm, “Don’t be an ass. Get in here.”

Y/N huffed a breath, heading inside the motel room, turning to face Dean as he closed and relocked the door. He looked her up and down, biting his lip and smirking once more. She looked ready to hit him.

“Relax,” he was the one to roll his eyes this time. “We’ve shared a bed before.”

“I know that, it’s not that. I know you went to the bar with Sam. Did you strike out or something?”

“Nah. No one really caught my eye. Wasn’t my night,” he shrugged. “Kinda proud of Sammy though.”

Y/N snorted a laugh, the tension suddenly gone. “You mind if I take a quick shower?”

“Go for it,” he threw back, focusing his attention on cleaning up the small table.

The sound of the bathroom door closing had him turning his gaze toward its surface, staring hard. As if his eyes could see through the door or he could somehow compel her to come back into his line of sight. He took in a deep breath and let it out in a huff.

He rubbed at the Mark on his forearm trying to ease away the burning ache of it. The Mark constantly pulsed and flowed, reminding him of its presence.

Except when Y/N was around.

Just being around her made it grow quieter, the pulsing ebbing away to nothing. She calmed and relaxed him. They were friends and hunting buddies. But since he’d gotten the Mark, she’d grown to mean so much more to him.

It was harder and harder to hide it, the playful flirtations and occasional bed sharing both feeding and teasing him. He refused to give in, to risk ruining one of his most treasured friendships. Especially since she’d never shown interest in him beyond what they already had. The risk was too great.

Dean laid back on the bed, flipping through the channels, not really paying much attention. He was biding time, keeping himself occupied while he waited for Y/N to return. The Mark nagged at him once more and he rubbed it in a vain attempt to soothe the deep ache.

Y/N emerged from the bathroom, the steam billowing out behind her. She was dressed in a t-shirt and sleep shorts - her go-to he realized - her bare thighs drawing his attention. She tossed her towel aside after shaking out her hair, casually crawling on the bed to prop herself next to Dean.

“What’re we watching?”

“Nothing on,” he groaned, leaving the TV on some action movie and tossinng the remote to the bed. She immediately reached for it and he smirked as she laid back and got comfortable, flipping through the channels herself before stopping back on the same action flick from before.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she sighed, setting the remote on the nightstand.

Her eye caught Dean rubbing at the Mark. It made her nervous. She hated that damn Mark and what it was doing to Dean. What he was becoming. It terrified her. She stuck around for Dean, her friend and hunting buddy. Not for reasons that she wouldn’t even admit to herself. Especially not now, not when Dean was suffering and fighting with all he had. The last thing he needed was her throwing feelings at him. He needed her friendship and she valued it.

She glanced up to see Dean already looking at her. Her breath caught in her throat, the tension thick. She wanted so badly to soothe his worry and ache, to love him and show him how love could heal. But she was petrified of showing it, admitting it to anyone. In that moment, she wasn't sure what possessed her, other than a need to soothe him - and maybe herself. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to his.

He was surprised at first, but quickly melted into it, tilting his head and responding eagerly. She hummed, licking across his lips, making him groan as he opened to her questing tongue. His hands slid down her sides to her hips, pulling her into his lap, allowing him to bring her close and deepen the kiss further.

She whined against his lips, her fingers working quickly to shed his shirt. Her hands roamed down his chest and stomach as she rolled her hips needily against his own, her desperation growing with each touch. She quickly removed her own shirt, pressing herself back against him and gasping against his lips at the contact.

Dean wanted to stop, to ask her what had suddenly made her want him the way he'd been wanting her for so long. But he was selfish. He wanted her so bad, the Mark all but forgotten as her attention rained down on him. He knew she could never want him, especially when he was tainted with the Mark. Even though it would break his heart to only be the once, he needed it and would take whatever she would give him. He could have that at least.

Feeling her roll back into him made Dean groan longingly, crashing again with Y/N's lips to keep himself from being too loud. He quickly worked to remove Y/N's clothes, then his own, before hastily tugging her back down to him with a small chuckle.

“Fuck,” he bit his lip, “You are so fucking hot, ya know that?”

“Have you seen you?” she laughed, rubbing her wet folds against his length and loving the sounds he made.

Amidst the awkwardness, the tension and unspoken feelings, they still managed to laugh. To be the friends they had always been, and that gave them both comfort.

She shifted her hips, sinking down on his length until there was no more to take. She let out a sigh at feeling so full and connected to him.

Dean mouthed a curse, eyes rolling back and fluttering closed as her tight walls sunk around him, tightening as they adjusted to him. He breathed out shakily across Y/N's lips as they ghosted each other, his arms slowly moving to grip on the back of her shoulders, pushing her down onto him.

With a small grunt, he thrust his hips up, forcing Y/N to bounce on his lap as he leaned back against the headboard, slowly thrusting with pinpoint precision. She whined and gasped, her arms wrapped tighter around his shoulders as she held him close, her body moving in sync with his.

It wasn’t long before Dean’s pace quickened to borderline brutal. With a long groan, he buried his face into the crook of Y/N's neck, groaning across her skin before sucking a deep red mark.

As each of his thrusts grew desperately in pace, he growled, hungrily devouring Y/N's lips. He released one of her shoulders, his free hand snaking between them to find her clit.

“I’m so close,” Dean breathed across her mouth, right as he started to rub fast, small circles on the sensitive nub, “Cum with me, cum on my fucking cock, Baby.”

She tried to speak, but a guttural moan was ripped from her lips as she came hard, her eyes squeezed shut and clinging to him, leaving small nail indents in his shoulders as she shook with the force of it in his arms.

Dean kept up his pace as he rode her through her high, his eyes locked and watching her completely blissed out. With a sudden and harsh thrust, he groaned out obscenely, pushing Y/N down onto him as he panted with each spurt of hot cum that shot deep into her belly.

She shook with another small orgasm at feeling his cum shoot within her. She whined and panted as she came down, her head dropped to his shoulder. She grimaced slightly as she felt his seed dripping out around his cock and a brief panic flared in her mind.

Dean’s eyes slowly fluttered open as he panted for breath, the same flash of panic suddenly flooding them too for a moment. When her head dropped to his shoulder, his arms tightened around her - a hell of a lot more gently now - he sighed out and enjoyed the feel of her.

"You okay?" he mumbled as she shook lightly in his arms, her breath fanning over his shoulder.

"Yeah," she sighed back, before yawning. "Tired though," she chuckled.

He inhaled a sharp and shaky breath as he withdrew from her core, laying her beside him and planting soft pecks along her collarbone as he hummed in agreement. He knew they needed to talk, but decided that was tomorrow's problem. With a hand draped across her waist, Dean slowly let himself drift to sleep.

"When I woke up, she was gone. Only the note was left," Dean spoke, recalling that last night with Y/N, making the hurt fresh all over again.

D-

I'm so sorry.

Please forgive me.

-Y/N

He'd reread the note again and again, the words forever etched into his brain. Sam didn't know that he still had it, tucked away in his trunk of possessions. Every once in a while, he'd take out the note, straightening the ruffled edges and studying the ink from her jotted words.

Sam remembered her cryptic note, Dean not providing much information until now. Y/N and Dean were practically best friends and Sam was sure they'd end up together eventually. He was glad they did, but couldn't figure out why Y/N would run. If anything, he thought Dean would have been the one to turn from intimacy, but Y/N?

"Maybe she was worried about the Mark," Sam offered hesitantly, swallowing hard as Dean squeezed the steering wheel a little tighter. "She doesn't know it's gone. Maybe we could look for her again?"

"Just let it go, Sam," Dean pleaded. "It's been more than a year. If she wanted to be found, we would have heard from her."

"Yeah, but, Dean-"

"Let's just focus on Amara, okay?"

"Ooh! We should stop for lunch at this little town up ahead!" Mary chimed excitedly from the backseat of the Impala.

"That sounds good," Sam agreed, looking over his shoulder at his mother with a smile before turning his attention to Dean at the wheel.

Dean rolled his eyes and groaned, but when both Mary and Sam pleaded, he gave in. He knew he would anyway. He'd do anything for his family.

After helping Amara and Chuck reconcile - and avoiding yet another apocalyptic event - Amara had granted Dean a gift, returning his mother to their lives. He was over-the-moon, but Mary needed time to adjust. He tried to understand, to give her space, and in the end she decided to stay and hunt with her sons.

Dean parked at the small town diner - the same sort of small establishment they frequented all over the country. Dean followed behind as his mother and brother chatted and laughed, finding a booth. He slid in beside his mother, smirking as he listened to the pair animatedly talk with one another.

Over the din, Dean's ears tickled with a familiar sound - a voice. He focused his ears on the sound, hearing two women speaking. Curious, he slightly turned his head, glancing over his shoulder. A waitress stood at the register, handing over a bag to a female customer. As the customer turned, ready to leave, Dean saw her face and his world came to a screeching halt.

She walked out the door and he could only snap his head around, peering out the large front windows of the diner as the woman entered her car.

"Y/N," he breathed out, unaware of his brother questioning him.

Sam's eyes followed Dean's gaze, the whisper of Y/N's name more than confusing him. But as he turned he saw her, clear as day. As she climbed in the car, she looked up, her eyes meeting Sam's and then Dean's through the windows. Just like Dean, she froze.

Sam scooted off the seat, ready to go out and talk to her, but as soon as he rose, she was pulling her car out of the parking spot and away from the diner, the tires squealing slightly in her haste. Immediately, Sam pulled out his phone, using their connected apps and information to look up the license plates.

Looking across the table, he could see that his brother was hurting and his mother was more than curious. Sam, however, was determined.

Y/N took off a little faster than she should have, the tires screeching as she made the turn out of the parking lot. That was Sam and Dean Winchester, she was certain of it! Two years and not a peep, then all of a sudden they're in her town? She panicked, her only thought was that she had to get away. She couldn't face Dean - not then, and not now.

As she raced towards home, she couldn't help but think back on that last night with Dean. He had been exhausted and in turmoil since getting that damn Mark on his arm. She was worried for him in ways that made her insides twist into knots. They were friends, yes, but she had made the biggest mistake - she had fallen in love with him.

She knew better, but it was out of her control, falling for him was as easy as breathing. She also knew Dean would have every reason to reject her, and she didn't want to risk being rejected. So she kept quiet. But seeing him that night, something sparked within her. She wanted to give him comfort, peace, love, if only for a moment.

After, she lie awake with Dean's arm draped over her waist, the sweat still cooling on her skin, her pulse returning to normal. Then the panic set in.

What if it was a one-time thing? She couldn't hide how she felt for him after that. She couldn't bear to see him walk away either. On top of all of that, he had the Mark and it was changing him. She was slowly growing terrified of it, and of him.

So she made the decision to leave in the middle of the night, carefully sneaking out of bed as Dean snored, sleeping more peacefully than she'd ever seen him. She quickly and quietly dressed, gathering her bag and sneaking out of the room.

As she pulled into her garage, she shut off the car, watching as the garage door closed behind her. It wouldn't take Sam more than an hour to find her, track her plates, drive around looking for her car. She could run again, she supposed. Her eyes flicked to the backseat and she sighed.

No more running.

Dean pulled up to the curb, throwing the car in park and eyeing up the house before him.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Sam asked.

"No," Dean sighed, leaving the car running but clibming out, shutting the door behind him. He stood on the sidewalk, hesitant to move forward.

What if she rejected him? She ran away for a reason. Maybe she wouldn't want to see him. He swallowed hard and forced his feet to move. He had to know why she left. Why they had such a beautiful moment together and she reipped it away. He thought their friendship would have been strong enough to survive anything.

"Dean, you don't have to do this. I can go talk to her if you want," Sam offered. He knew one of them had to talk to her, to find out why she took off, to make sure she was alright.

"Nah, I got this," Dean gave his brother a small smirk and a pat on the arm before making his way to the door.

Sam nodded, letting Dean walk up the path to the house. He climbed back in the car, giving his Mom a reassuring smile as they watched Dean and waited.

Y/N knew he was there before he ever knocked, having heard the tell-take sound of the Impala's engine rolling up outside. She was wrong. It took half anhour for Sam to track her down. She smiled despite the panic rearing its ugly head.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, just enough to situate herself in its opening. The mere sight of him took her breath away, as handsome as ever, his eyes filled with emotion.

"Hey, Y/N," he breathed out, his eyes taking in every little detail of her from head to toe, recommiting it to memory and noting the subtle changes.

"H-hey, Dean," she cursed at how her voice shook, her panic and fear still very present. She glanced at his covered arm and Dean followed her gaze.

He rolled up his sleeve, revealing the smooth skin. "I don't have the Mark anymore."

"How?" she asked, her eyes wide as she took a step towards him, her fingers running over the smooth skin.

Dean's breath hitched at her touch, her proximity making his heart race. "That's kind of a long story," he chuckled nervously.

She stepped back into the doorway, glancing over her shoulder into the house before looking back at him. She noticed the Impala idling out front, Sam and a woman waiting in the car.

"Do you - is there someone else here?" Dean asked even though he was terrified of her answer. "I can come back or…or just leave," he offered, swallowing hard.

Y/N's heart broke at his vulnerability and she sighed, opening the door wider and stepping aside to allow him in. She closed the door behind them, giving Dean a moment to look over the inside of her house. Basic furnishings and decorations throughout, but she she knew there was no way he'd miss the highchair in the corner of the kitchen or the toys littered about the small space. Or the tiny human in the playpen in the livingroom, cooing as they chewed on a teething ring.

"You have a baby?" Dean asked, his eyes stuck on the small child. She stepped around him, moving to the playpen and taking the child into her arms.

"We have a baby," she corrected him, waiting for his reaction.

The silence drug out as she watched Dean process the information, doing the math in his head, his eyes landing on the child once more.

"Why?" he asked, his voice cracking. She could see his hurt and anger clashing within him, his eyes welling with tears. "Why did you leave? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared," she admitted shamefully. "I was scared of the Mark and what it was doing to you. And I was scared of how I was falling for you, Dean," she forced the words out, feeling her own tears forming. "I was scared to love you and scared to tell you and scared of you," she admitted with a huff.

"You weren't the only one who was scared," Dean spoke after a drawn out silence between them. "You weren't the only one falling and scared, Y/N."

She didn't know how to respond to his statement, her need to run and avoid still thrumming within her.

"Do you want to hold your daughter, Dean?" she asked with a smile. Dean carefully but eagerly took her from Y/N's arms, cradling the child in his own. "Her name's Ava."

"Ava," Dean whispered reverently, his eyes locked on the tiny features of his daughter. His daughter. It felt like a djinn dream. He'd found Y/N and she was alive and well and had their child. Having his Mom back had made Dean happier than he ever thought possible. But this moment right here, this was the greatest single moment of his life. Earmarked as a whole new level of happy washed over him. Until a disturbing thought occured to him.

"Is there a boyfriend or something I need to worry about?" he asked. "Some other father figure in her life?"

"No," Y/N sighed, running her fingers over her daughter head. "There could never be anyone after you, Dean."

He'd definitely address that later. He moved to the couch, gingerly sitting down and being delicate with Ava. He pulled out his phone to send a text, then she heard the Impala driving away. They spent the evening doting Ava with attention, the two of them sharing their lives over their time apart.

Dean participated in every aspect of Ava's nightly routine, helping to bathe her and put her to bed. With every second he was with the two of them his heart swelled further. There was no way he could be apart from them now.

"Come home with me?" Dean asked as they sat in the living room again.

"What?"

"You and Ava, you can move into the Bunker. There's plenty of space and it's warded so it's safe. And we'd have Sam and Mom and Cas to help out."

"Dean-"

"I don't have the Mark anymore, and my feelings haven't changed," he took a chance, scooting closer to her on the couch and cupping her cheek with one hand. "I have missed you every day. I've wondered again and again what I could have done differently. Now that I've found you both I don't ever want to be without you again."

The intensity in his eyes, the warmth from his touch, his familiar smell swirling around her, his heartfelt words that plucked every heartstring made the tears she'd been holding back fall. Once the dam was broken, she couldn't stop the sobs from taking over.

Dean shushed her, his hand moving to the back of her head as he tucked her face into the crook of his neck, soothing her the best he could. His own tears fell as he held her, the pain of the past falling away with each shed tear.

"I'm so sorry," she finally spoke, pulling back to meet his eyes and let him know she truly meant it. "I was scared but I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Dean."

He wiped her tears with his thumbs, cupping her face and gently pressing his lips to hers in a chaste kiss.

"It's okay," he insisted. "We're here now, right?"

She nodded and he kissed her again. This time she responded eagerly, so grateful for his forgiveness, for his love, for him. She had so very much missed her Dean.

She panted for breath between kisses, her heart thudding loudly in her chest as goosebumps rose on her skin. She tried to push herself impossibly closer, hooking her arms under his and clutching the back of his shirt.

He pulled her tightly against him as he kissed her passionately, pouring himself into it, his hands tangling in her hair as he held her to him. The taste and feel of her was better than he remembered, sending sparks through his entire being. He needed to connect with her again.

In a seamless maneuver, he lifted her by the hips to straddle his lap, then stood and walked to her bedroom, setting her back on her feet once the door was closed behind them. He paused, taking a moment to appreciate her in front of him and in his arms once more.

The fear began to creep back in, making him doubt if he should take the chance again. He didn't think he could survive it if she left again or asked him to go. She said she had fallen for him back then, but did she still feel that way? He did, he said as much, but did she?

She cupped his cheek, instinctually knowing what was going through his mind just then. Afterall, the had been close friends for years and that intuation doesn't just go away. The connection they had seemed to flare back up between them as if they'd never been apart.

"I want you," she reassured him, kissing him sweetly and meeting his eyes once more. "I love you, Dean, and I want you."

A distinct whine could be heard passing his lips as he crashed them into hers once more, hungrily devouring her mouth as his hands clutched and pulled at her clothes. Walking her back toward the bed, his lips trailed down her neck, nipping and sucking marks along the way.

He pulled back long enough to remove her shirt before attacking her mouth once more, the force of his kisses sending her falling back onto the bed. His lips never left her as he followed her down, pressing the length of his body against her.

His hands worked quickly, removing her bra as his lips moved over her collarbone and down to her breasts, leaving a wet trail to cool in the air. Reaching her nipple, he sucked and licked with the tip of his tongue as one hand moved to massage the neglected breast. His other hand trailed down her stomach and flicked open the button of her jeans.

He groaned, getting lost in the feel and taste of her, his ears rang with the sweet little sounds that fell from her parted lips.

He switched breasts suddenly, his mouth worked her into a frenzy as he removed the rest of her clothing. He paused to look over her now bare body, taking in every detail. She cupped his cheek, leaning up to kiss kim. He returned it, but pulled back before it could go too far. Instead, he kissed down her stomach -ignoring her whines of protest- and settled between her legs.

Her head rolled back, a shout falling from her lips at the sudden feel of his mouth and tongue sinfully devouring her pussy. She looked down at him, his eyes closed as he held her firmly in place and savored her flavor. He was still fully clothed and something about the contrast turned her on even more.

Dean proceeded to lick, nip, suck, and kiss every line, crease, and fold, grunting and moaning with her flavor. Bringing a finger to her entrance he slid in slowly, feeling her tight, wet warmth accept him greedily. He hummed in satisfaction, the vibrations causing her hips to jerk involuntarily. As her walls relaxed, he added a second finger finding her sweet spot in a matter of seconds.

He thrust his hand fast and with a final harsh flick of his tongue against her clit she came, screaming loudly. Her walls clenched around his fingers, thighs trembling and chest heaving. He pumped his fingers harder, sucking on her clit and riding her through her orgasm, taking every ounce of it for himself greedily.

As she lay recovering, her body shaking from the force of her climax, he climbed from the bed, quickly removing his clothes and covering her body with his before she even had time to miss his warmth.

“You’re so damn beautiful,” he breathed out, his heart beating hard in his chest at seeing the bliss swimming in her eyes.

Wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his lips to hers, she wrapped her legs around his hips, attempting to pull him as close as possible to her. Every hair on her body was standing on end and every inch of skin pined for his touch. Breathing heavily, her eyes flooded with need, she looked deep into his eyes.

“Please, Dean-” she whined, pressing her chest against his, “-I need you.”

"I need you too, so much," he swore, rutting his length against her wet folds, teasing them both and slicking himself up. Holding her gaze he slowly entered her core, both of them gasping at the slick slide.

As he bottomed out, she could feel herself fluttering around him, her walls relaxing for the exquisite stretch of his cock. Her hands clutched at his back, her thighs squeezing his hips. He places tender kisses along her skin as she adjusted, the shift of her hips and delicious moan letting him know she was ready.

She expected he might be hard and fast, but what she got was another side to Dean entirely. He slowly withdrew, every inch of him dragging against her walls, pushing back in at the same slow pace. He watched her face, kissing her sweetly, enjoying her.

He felt so good, so warm and solid and real, stretching her deliciously, his sweaty skin gliding against hers as the heat between them amped up. The slower pace had her mind focusing and feeling every spot in which they were connected. From his hands on her sides and hips, to his lips all over her face and neck, to her thigh against his hip. She was surrounded in all things Dean, all of him touching and loving all of her.

"Dean." She felt on the verge of tears, her heart swelling with her emotions, the tender look in his glistening eyes saying more than words ever could.

"I know, Baby," he kissed her deeply, lifting her leg higher against his side and increasing his pace slightly.

Dean had never experienced sex like this before, with an intensity and purpose far beyond just getting off. He wanted to feel her, to savor every inch of her, to enjoy the climb to the summit with her. Every move, every sound she made had him moaning and biting his lip, using all his self-control to maintain his gentler pace.

When she tilted her hips, her thighs clenching around him, he immediately hit her sweet spot, making her gasp and clutch him tighter. He slowed even further, his arms under her shoulders holding her close as he smirked down at her.

"Right there, Baby?" he asked, thrusting his hips just enough that the spongey head of his dick hit her sensitive g-spot.

She threw her head back into the pillow, a guttural moan ripped deep from her chest. He took the opening, lowering his mouth to suck a mark on her exposed throat. Rolling his hips with deep fluid strokes, he felt her walls ripple as she grew closer and closer to her peak.

“I’m gonna make you cum so hard,” he promised, nipping at her ear lobe.

The moans fell from her lips with no control. It was a good thing he was holding onto to her so tightly, she felt like she might explode into a million pieces if he wasn't grounding her.

“Come for me, Baby. I wanna feel it,” he whispered in her ear, his breath panting in short bursts, his cock twitching inside her as he neared his own release.

Her eyes clenched shut, her breath held as his words pushed her dangerously to the edge. She tried to hold it back as long as she could, wanting to feel him just like this for as long as possible, but his relentless pounding made her efforts short-lived. Feeling him twitch inside her, hearing his grunts and hushed curses, her orgasm ripped through her entire being.

He struggled to keep his eyes open, watching her face as she climaxed in a beautiful explosion. His brow furrowed, his mouth hung open as she pulled him over the edge with her. He choked on a sound as his face fell to the crook of her neck, his hips pumping lazily until slowing to a stop. His body shook against hers before he slowly pulled from her, wincing at the effort.

Moving to lay beside her, he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to lay on her side facing him. Leaning in, he captured her lips again, completely drunk on her. Turning to his back, he tucked her into his side, her arm draped across his middle.

I’m exhausted,” she giggled, “You’re amazing.”

He laughed, the post-coital bliss making his head spin. He wished it could always be like this. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, but Dean was hesitant to relax. He was terrified he'd wake up to find her gone again, or worse, that it was all a dream. Emotional and physical exhaustion won out in the end, so he gave in to the need to sleep, his arms still holding her close.

Dean sucked in a sharp breath as he suddenly came to consciousness. Wiping the sleep from his eyes he sat up a little, forcing his vision to focus. A bit of panic flared up in him, not immediately recognizing the room. Then he remember last night. Looking to the other side of the bed, it was empty, the sheets cool. The panic flared up again, wondering if she had left him like before.

He hastily dressed, donning his flannel after an unsuccessful attempt to find his t-shirt. After a quick trip to the bathroom, Dean made his way down the hall, peering into Ava's room and finding her gone as well. A sinking feeling landed in his stomach, twisting painfully.

The sound of familiar voices drew him through the house to the dining room. Ava was sat in her highchair, Sam and Mary sat either side of her, doting the small child with all of their attention and affection. His eyes drifted into the connected kitchen, seeing Y/N sipping on her coffee as she cooked breakfast.

Clearing his throat to annouce himself, Dean made his way to his mother first, leaning down and squeezing her shoulders as he placed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

"Mornin', Mom," he smiled, before moving on to Ava to do the same. "Mornin', Precious." He simply gave Sam an acknowledging nod and his brother returned the gesture. With a deep breath, he made his way into the kitchen.

Now that his panic had subsided, he felt like a guilt fool. He couldn't help but think she'd left him again. He poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter, eyeing Y/N from head to toe.

"That's why I couldn't find my t-shirt," he smirked, seeing her wearing said clothing with a pair of shorts.

She blushed and finished cooking, turning everything off and putting it on plates to table to the table. As Dean looked over the dining table, everyone he cared about most together and alive in once place. It was something he could definitely get used to.

"So, are you and Ava coming back to the Bunker with us?" Mary asked as they all dug into the food.

"Oh, she's coming back!" Sam argued, "Even if I have to hogtie her and throw her in the backseat."

"Sam!" Mary chastized.

"He's not the only one she left," Sam accused, pointing at Y/N.

"Sam," Y/N was heartbroken. Her and Sam had been close friends as well and in the midst of everything with Dean, she honestly hadn't thought about how it might affect him too. "I'm so sorry. I was afraid, of a lot of things. But I am coming back. Ava and I are coming home."

She knew it would take time for them to fully forgive her and trust her again. She was willing to put in the work, to be patient and understanding. It wasn't their fault this mess happened. This time, it was all on her, and she intended to fix it come hell or high water.

"Good," Sam nodded, casually digging back into his breakfast. "You hurt him again and I'm coming for you."

Even though he flashed her a playful grin, she knew he wasn't entirely joking. She nodded and smiled, letting him know she understood. She had no intentions of leaving ever again. She'd found her family. Or rather, they'd found her. Seeing everyone together, she wondered why she was ever afraid to begin with.

FOREVERS:

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@leigh70

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DEAN WINCHESTER:

@slamminmine

@deandreamernp

@awkward-and-indecisive

@akshi8278

@mimaria420

#afraid to love #spndeanbingo #dean winchester #dean x f!reader #dean x reader #reader insert #supernatural #spn #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #smut

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fandomtrashhh · 1 year

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Updated for Episode 12

So I did a thing. I went back to every episode of The Winchesters and I wrote down everything that Dean has said so far, and I realized moreso than before how EVERYTHING he says not only is the lesson/theme of the episode, but it all also applies to himself. Also, I'm not sure if other people realize this because not everyone is into classic rock as I am, (many of the songs are rock songs) but all the songs also match what the episodes are about. Let's start with episode 1.

Sorry if I overlooked something or for any mistakes, I did not rewatch every episode to make this.

I also apologize for how long this is. If I knew how to add the "read more" on this post I totally would.

Major spoilers for all episodes of the Winchesters ahead!!!

Episode 1, "Pilot": March 3rd, 1972. The day Dad came home from the war, and the day he met Mom. Now I know this story might sound familiar, but I'm gonna put the pieces together in a way that just might surprise you. And in order to do that, I have to start all the way at the beginning.

Obviously, Dean is just starting the story. He tells us this is when John and Mary are going to meet, and he's also foreshadowing what's to come. This is why I have high hopes for this show, because Dean says so in the beginning that even though you think you might know everything, there's really more to the story.

Dean also narrated at the very end of the episode:

What they didn't know is that the Akrida weren't just a threat to Earth, but to all of existence. Now, like I told you, there's gonna be some surprises. Hell, I'm still trying to find all the puzzle pieces myself. But I'll explain everything. And until then, I'll keep picking the music.

Also something to note is that this is the only episode that has a non music related title. I'm 100% sure that if it did have a song related title, it would be "I'd Love to Change the World" by Ten Years After. The beginning, when Dean is first narrating and while John is holding the letter that Dean gave him and pretty much up to the point where John and Mary run into each other, that song is playing. Then at the very end of the episode, when we see Dean in the flesh, it's playing again. I find this VERY interesting, especially since the music applies to everything in this show. This leads me to believe that Dean really is trying to change something because the song literally says "I'd love to change the world, but I don't know what to do, so I'll leave it up to you." (The song also mentions bees, which I thought was interesting. That could be nothing, though.)

Episode 2 "Teach Your Children Well": The ties that bind a family together can be complicated. Parents raise you, teach you what's right and wrong, and in some instances, how to kill monsters. But no matter who you are, there comes a time when you have to break from them and make your own way. And if you're not careful, things can get pretty ugly.

“Teach Your Children Well” by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. Let me show you some of the lyrics:

“You, who are on the road

Must have a code that you can live by

And so, become yourself

Because the past is just a goodbye

Teach your children well

Their father's hell did slowly go by

And feed them on your dreams

The one they pick's the one you'll know by

Don't you ever ask them, "Why?"

If they told you, you would cry

So just look at them and sigh

And know they love you”

A big theme in this episode is parents, the guy who goes missing at the beginning for one, but mostly about John’s parents. John and Millie argue over John hunting and all around the episode is about kids forging their own paths and how it can cause issues which I feel like can definitely apply to Dean and how he discovers his identity away from his father and how the things his father put them through were wrong and how that caused issues.

Episode 3 "You’re Lost Little Girl": There's no map to being a hunter. No playbook. You gotta follow your gut. But that can only take you so far. Truth is, you can't do it all on your own. You need other people to help guide the way-- your friends, your family. Otherwise you just end up lost.

“You’re Lost Little Girl” is by The Doors. Some lyrics:

“You're lost little girl

You're lost little girl

You're lost, tell me who

Are you?

Think that you know what to do

Impossible? Yes, but it's true

I think that you know what to do

Yeah

Sure that you know what to do”

In this episode, Mary gets taken by a monster and everyone is trying to find her. Mary thinks that she doesn’t need anyone to help her because she’s a good hunter, but she ends up needing them to save her. It’s the same with Dean, Dean is an amazing hunter, but he still needs his friends and his family.

Episode 4, "Masters of War": Fighting the battle between good and evil isn't easy, especially when the first monster you have to face is the one inside yourself.

“Masters of War” is by Bob Dylan.

The lyrics for this song are very meaningful and well done. To put it simply, it’s about war and criticism of war.

“You fasten all the triggers

For the others to fire

Then you sit back and watch

When the death count gets higher

You hide in your mansion

While the young people's blood

Flows out of their bodies

And is buried in the mud”

In this episode, John and Carlos talk about their trauma from the Vietnam War and we really get an insight to how much anger John has in him. John is Dean’s parallel in this episode because Dean has a lot of unresolved trauma and deep rooted anger that is mentioned in Supernatural and it also fits because Dean was used as a weapon in a war against the supernatural from a young age.

Episode 5, "Legacy of a Mind": Spending a lifetime of hunting monsters takes its toll. There comes a time when you gotta let out that pain inside you. If you don't, it'll eat you alive.

The song “Legacy of a Mind” is by The Moody Blues

“He'll fly his astral plane

Takes you trips around the bay

Brings you back the same day”

This can be applied to what happens in this episode where Mary is stuck in her own head and has to face her trauma, and this song pretty much talks about trippy things like the lyrics above.

This applies so well to the episode because this episode deals with the complicated relationship that Mary has with her parents and her dealing with the trauma she has with being trained to be a hunter from a very young age and how it was wrong of them to do that to her, but she still loves her parents. This also applies to Dean, since John taught him about hunting from a young age, the same way Samuel and Deanna did to Mary. Mary is once again the Dean parallel, like she often is in this show.

Episode 6 "Art of Dying": Hunting has a way of changing a person. After a while, right, wrong, good, evil, they all start to look the same. And then it makes you start to wonder, "Who's really the monster here -- them or me?"

This is the only other episode where Dean narrated at the end:

Hunting's not for everyone. You have to be strong, stay sharp, make tough decisions, and it's not easy, but then again, the righteous things never are.

The Art of Dying is by George Harrison:

"There'll come a time when all of us must leave here

Then nothing sister Mary can do

Will keep me here with you

As nothing in this life that I've been trying

Could equal or surpass the art of dying

Do you believe me?"

and then the end of the song goes:

"There'll come a time when most of us return here

Brought back by our desire to be

A perfect entity

Living through a million years of crying

Until you've realized the art of dying

Do you believe me?"

This episode the core four finds a case involving an older hunter buddy of Mary's and it turns out that the monster is the ghost of the hunter's friend who the hunter friend and her group killed because he went too dark in magic. That's how the episode applies to Dean's monologue, along with Lata's fear of turning into someone horrible and letting her anger control her. John also (kinda) confronts his anger in this episode. The monologue also talks about how being a hunter is hard, but doing the right thing never is, which also applies to the characters of this episode, especially Lata. This applies to Dean because he really dealt with feelings like that during SPN, and being angry all the time and feeling like he was a monster, and how he always chooses to do the right thing when it comes down to saving the world, even when it's near impossible to.

Episode 7 "Reflections": There comes a time in every hunt when the fightin' starts. And the difference between winning and losing isn't whether you have the holy water, the wooden stake, or the silver bullet. It's whether you've got the grit to get the job done.

Reflections is by the Supremes:

"Through the mirror of my mind

Through all these tears that I'm crying

Reflects a hurt I can't control

Although you're gone

I keep holding on

To those happy times

Oh, girl when you were mine

As I peer through the windows

Of lost time

Keeping looking over my yesterdays

And all the love I gave all in vain

(All the love) All the love

That I've wasted

(All the tears) All the tears

That I've tasted

All in vain

Through the hollow of my tears

I see a dream that's lost

From the hurt baby

That you have caused"

I think this one represents loss, especially the loss of Henry. Dean's monologue ties into this because in this episode there are multiple instances where the characters show real strength and bravery in order to come out the other side with a win. And this can obviously be applied to Dean and everything he has done and hunted and how brave he had to be to be able to actually get the job done.

Episode 8, "Hang on to Your Life”: Being a hunter, it means living a life of sacrifice-- not a lot of room for dreams. But if you open your heart and get a little lucky, you'll find you gain more than you lose.

Hang On To Your Life is by Guess Who:

“Thinking 'bout it's here and it's real

Wondering how I really should feel

Well you can sell your soul

But don't you sell it too cheap

Hang on to your life, oh life, oh life, oh life, oh life

Hang on to your life

Thinking 'bout betraying a friend

Thinking 'bout delaying the end

Well you can ride the wind

But don't you ride it too high”

This episode is about Carlos’ dream of being a musician and how he had to give that up when he became a hunter. The parts about selling his soul and betraying a friend applies to the band member that Carlos used to play with and how he accidentally made a deal and because he “betrayed” Carlos by selling him out to Loki.

Dean’s monologue applies to the theme of found family in this episode. Even though they’re all a part of this life and had to give up their dreams, there is good that came from it in the form of family and friends, the same way that Dean found himself a family in the midst of it all. This is also the episode where John and Mary decided to get together, again proving that they can find something worthwhile, right before they found the picture of Dean. (Insert Miranda Cosgrove meme)

Episode 9 "Cast Your Fate to the Wind": This isn't how I saw things going when I pushed over that first domino. Thing is, I've had more than a few dances with free will and fate, but as my dad used to say, "Fate is what you make it."

The song here is actually a song that I didn’t know. It’s a jazz song by Vince Guaraldi. Honestly, reading the lyrics to this song make me think SO MUCH of John and who he becomes, and I’m actually going to put in the entire lyrics because I can’t chose one section that I feel is most important:

“A month of nights, a year of days

Octobers drifting into Mays

I set my sail when the tide comes in

And I just cast my fate to the wind

I shift my course along the breeze

Won't sail up wind on memories

The empty sky is my best friend

And I just cast my fate to the wind

That time has a way of changing a man throughout the years

And now I’m rearranging my life through all my tears

Alone, alone, alone

There never was, there couldn't be

A place in time for men like me

Who'd drink the dark and laugh at day

And let their wildest dreams blow away

That time has a way of changing a man throughout the years

And now I’m rearranging my life through all my tears

Alone, alone, alone

So now I’m old, I’m wise, I’m smart

I’m just a man with half a heart

I wonder how it might have been

Had I not cast my fate to the wind

To the wind, to the wind”

Like, come on. This is so John coded in who he becomes and what happens to him. In terms of how this song applies to the episode though, it applies to the theme of fate throughout the episode, which ties in with what Dean says at the beginning. “Fate is what you make it.” This speaks true to John in this episode because he uses the knowledge of his death to his advantage and makes his own fate, which Millie uses the “fate is what you make it” line. I find this episode very interesting because they use the theme of fate in an episode that deals with vampires, and has a whole scene that parallels 15x18 AND Carlos gets to kiss his male love interest. Dean’s monologue at the beginning applies to himself because he’s dealt with fate and free will plenty of times in Supernatural.

I also find it interesting that Dean said that this isn't how he saw things going when he pushed over that first domino, which begs the question of what did he expect? What was his goal in doing all of this? It's also worth noting that immediately after he says that he says "fate is what you make it," saying the two apply to each other, go hand in hand. I don't think it's a stretch to say that whatever his intentions were, whatever he did, had to do with controlling his own fate.

So, just to recap: in an episode where the two main characters are dealing with being in a new relationship and whether or not they want to tell people, one of those main characters dies from a vampire in a direct parallel to the 15x18 confession, and two men have an on screen kiss for the first time, and the entire theme of the episode is fate. That's VERY interesting to me.

Episode 10 "Suspicious Minds": Hunting and happy endings don't usually mix, so when you get your chance, you got to ask yourself, "How far will I go to get it?"

This can be read as a direct tie in to his monologue in the last episode! It's along the same lines!!

Something I've noticed is that each episode I feel like the monologues get deeper and more meaningful, the farther we go the more is revealed.

This Dean monologue ends right as John and Mary get interrupted while they're kissing and Mary says "normal will have to wait another day" while there's a close up of Mary's college application as a mirror to SPN 15x20 with Dean's job application. Something I thought was interesting.

Suspicious Minds is an Elvis Presley song, which I know that the trend here is to include 60's and 70's songs, but knowing the intense meaning of Elvis in the Destiel fandom makes me feel a little unwell knowing Elvis actually gets incorporated into the text.

"Oh, let our love survive

I'll dry the tears from your eyes

Let's don't let a good thing die

When honey, you know I've never lied to you

Mmm, yeah, yeah

We're caught in a trap

I can't walk out

Because I love you too much, baby

Why can't you see

What you're doing to me

When you don't believe a word I say?"

So this is very much talking about one of the big plot points of this episode, a man who tries to bring his dead wife back to life in such desperation that he's willing to kill innocents to do it. Now the parallels drawn in this episode are very intentional to both John and Mary, even including the dialogue they speak after they kill said man and how John thinks that's love and Mary thinks it's horrible and she essentially makes him promise that that will never be them (clear foreshadowing) when in reality, even though it's showing that John already had the mindset of "doing it out of love" as he does in the future, they're both guilty of that. Mary brings John back to life when Azazel kills him, and as we all know, after Mary's death John goes on a revenge mission, wasting his life and putting his children through hell in the process. It's also just a running theme throughout SPN of toxic codependency and how almost every major character is also guilty of going to great lengths to bring the ones they love back. The song lyrics also apply to John and Mary as a romantic relationship as well and can show how their relationship is now and foreshadow what will happen in the future.

The thing that is different about this episode though, is that even though the parallels in this episode can apply to Dean, the actual Dean monologue doesn't, and this is what I find really weird and what I think is honestly one of the biggest indications that Jensen really is writing a fix it fanfiction:

This is the only episode where his monologue doesn't directly apply to himself. Every other episode ties in to his own experiences, except for this one. Dean doesn't go to great lengths to get himself a happy ending. Happy endings for other characters? Absolutely. But not for himself. Why would this be the only episode that doesn't directly relate to him? Well me and a lot of other people think because it really does apply to himself. But not as something he experienced in the past or has knowledge on, but as something he is doing right now. He is actively changing his future, possibly even a future with Cas (I do really think that there's a solid possibility that Destiel will become 100% canon in this show because of how everything is being set up, all of the parallels, and the fact that some of the cast, the social media team, and an executive producer has acknowledged some of these said parallels.) So in the end, how far will Dean go to get his happy ending?

Episode 11 "You've Got a Friend": Being a hunter means always being on the move. But no matter how hard you plan, no matter how hard you work, at a certain point, we all run out of road. It's what we do with those crossroads that define us.

"You've Got a Friend" is a song by Carole King from 1971:

"When you're down and troubled

And you need some lovin' care

And nothin', nothin' is goin' right

Close your eyes and think of me

And soon I will be there

To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name

And you know, wherever I am

I'll come runnin'

To see you again

Winter, spring, summer or fall

All you have to do is call

And I'll be there

You've got a friend"

This represents Betty, and how in this episode she goes from being a potential source of trouble for the gang to becoming an ally, or a "friend" and an inside woman for them. This also can be applied to Carlos and Lata because Carlos was there for Lata and helped support her while Lata told Carlos about her childhood trauma.

In this episode, Dean's monologue is about the choices you make before you die. This can be seen in the choices made throughout this episode by multiple characters (Betty, Mary, John, etc) and this ties in with the song because no matter what choices you make, you'll have your friends by your side, which is true to Dean and just Supernatural as whole with their message of family and found family. Admittedly, I feel like the connection to Dean's voiceover and to the title of this episode aren't as strong as a lot of the previous episodes, but they're still there. (Betty, the "friend," makes a choice to work with the rest of the gang.) At the same time, I believe this can also be another instance of foreshadowing because Dean is dead, he's at that metaphorical cross road, and he's making a choice to go into the past.

As I said above, Lata faced her trauma. This is the 4th or 5th instance of someone on this show confronting their past. At this point, it's become a theme. Why would the show reiterate this point over and over? I think this will tie into Dean's reasons for why he's in the 70's. Not to mention this was yet ANOTHER episode where 2 characters are trapped in a room, and this time because of a shadow monster, and the only way to get out is if one confesses a deep secret. What the fuck.

Something to keep in mind is how much this episode emphasized secrets. This seems to foreshadow the fact that Dean is harboring some huge secrets that will soon be discovered. I think the real question now is how will these secrets be revealed to the audience and to our characters?

Episode 12 "The Tears of a Clown": Hunting is a dishonest business. You lie about who you are, and what you do. But the hardest lies aren't what you tell other people, but what you tell yourself."

The song "The Tears of a Clown" was released in 1967 by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles:

"Now if there's a smile on my face

It's only there trying to fool the public

But when it comes down to fooling you

Now honey that's quite a different subject

But don't let my glad expression

Give you the wrong impression

Really I'm sad, oh I'm sadder than sad

You're gone and I'm hurting so bad

Like a clown I appear to be glad (sad, sad, sad, sad)"

Okay, so this episode gave me a lot of brainrot. What the song is expressing is that even if you seem happy, that doesn't mean you are, and that was the big theme of this episode. Just because you seem okay or even think you're okay, that doesn't mean you are. With John, that applies to his anger issues and his unresolved issues with being charged for a murder he didn't commit. For Mary, it's the issues she already has, plus being unhappy in her relationship with John because she thinks he's using their relationship as an escape, and this also applies to her because even though she got accepted into college, she hadn't really taken any steps towards a normal life since then. In general, this episode was about a clown who lures emotionally vulnerable people into his circus tent so he can force them to be "happy" even though they aren't, like we saw with Roger.

This can very much apply to Dean's voice over, because the characters in this episode, including the clown, are actively lying to themselves.

The thing is, like a lot of Dean's voice overs, it's intentionally vague. He could be referring to literally anything. In the context of this episode, it makes the most sense that this is referring to Dean's anger issues and the fact that throughout the entirety of Supernatural, Dean oftentimes told himself and the people around him that he was okay, even though he wasn't. But at the same time, these voice overs and one like this in particular can be interpreted in different ways. What Dean says about facing the lies you tell yourself can apply to sexuality. Dean could be talking about not only his mental and emotional issues, but he could also be referencing being in love with Cas. At this point, Destiel happening feels like genuine build up. Now all we have to do is wait a couple more days to see if it all pays off.

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pascallatte · 1 year

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Get to know Y/N L/N

Born Y/N M/N L/N *day* December 1987 (32) Madrid, Spain

Education The Juilliard School

Occupation Actress

Years active 1999-present

Background

Y/N M/N L/N (born on December *day*, 1987) is a Canadian actress. Known for her independent films and series participation. Born in Madrid, Spain to F/N L/N and M/N Md/N, L/N had been introduced to the film industry at a young age but never participated in any until she was recruited at the age of 9. She had a minor role in the 1999 Star Wars film; Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace as Sabe. Her breakthrough into the acting industry was when she played Sarah Altman in the Thriller/Crime film Panic Room (2002) and went on to achieve global stardom by playing Elizabeth Swann in the Pirates of the Caribbean film series, beginning in 2003, and as Mary Winchester in the American drama series, Supernatural from 2005 to 2013.

Early Life and Education

Y/N M/N L/N was born on *day* December 1987 in Madrid, Spain’s fashionable residential area of Chamartín, Madrid to engineer F/N L/N and journalist M/N Md/N. Her father is of French and Canadian descent and her mother is Spanish. She has two younger brothers, whose names are unknown. Her mother’s connection in the industry had introduced her to the film industry at a young age but never sparked her interest.

L/N and her family moved from Madrid, Spain to Montreal,Quebec, Canada at 6 for her father’s job. She and her family had switched between living in Canada and Spain, specifically staying in Canada for her and her siblings' education. There she attended primary school up until high school. She is known to speak three languages: Spanish(fluent), French(semi-fluent), and English(fluent). Her notable feature as a child was her curly blond hair that had landed her roles in The Sixth Sense, Star Wars, Panic Room and The Pirates of the Caribbean film series, however, it turned into a deep brown as she grew older, inheriting those of her mother's. At the age of 17, she moved to New York after being granted a scholarship at The Juilliard School in 2004.

Career

Films

The Sixth Sense (1999) - Kyra Collins

Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace (1999) - Sabe

Panic Room (2002) - Sarah Altman

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) - Elizabeth Swann

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) - Elizabeth Swann

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) - Elizabeth Swann

Martha Marcy May Marlene (2011) - Martha

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) - Gwen Stacy

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) - Gwen Stacy

The Man from UNCLE (2015) - Gaby

Collateral Beauty (2016) - Amy/ “Love”

Pirated of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) - Elizabeth Swann

Ocean’s 8 (2018) - Daphne Kluger

Knives Out (2019) - Marta Cabrera

Chernobyl (2019) - Lyudmilla Ignatenko

TV shows

Supernatural (2005-2013) - Mary Winchester

Narcos (2015-2017) - Catalina “Lina” Mendoza

The Witcher (2019~) - Yennefer of Vengerberg

Upcoming films/shows

TBA

Personal life

Y/N L/N is one of the celebrities who can keep their private life under wraps despite being under the spotlight at age 11. During her rise in stardom, she has only been linked to a few fellow actors and only has one confirmed relationship.

L/N’s first relationship rumour was back in 2004 at only 17, with a childhood friend and ‘The Sixth Sense’ co-star, Trevor Morgan. Both parties denied this rumour and stated they were only close friends— siblings at most.

She dated The Amazing Spider-Man co-star, Andrew Garfield from 2011 to early-2014. The two are still great friends.

She was then linked to Narcos co-star Sebastian Vega (2015-2016) before being proven wrong when rumours and evidence of her dating co-star and long-time friend Pedro Pascal (2017) surfaced.

The pair, Pedro Pascal and Y/n L/n had confirmed their relationship via Instagram. They've been reported to have started dating in early 2015, 3-years after being introduced by mutual friend Sarah Paulson.

updated: December 31, 2019

Masterlist

A/N: Hello just wanted to put this out before the next fic comes out so everything will be in order.

#nenna's masterlist #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x actress!reader

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lunajay33 · 20 hours

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Surprise🩶

Summary: Being away from your soulmate is hard but one day Sam surprises you at your dorm

Pairing: Sam Winchester x f!reader

•Masterlist•

I first met Sam in class when we were partnered up for a project and instantly hit it off, we grew closer over the next few months until he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was over the moon, I mean it’s Sam Winchester he’s gorgeous, eventually we moved in with eachother and everything was going great until one night his brother showed up, Sam explained to me that his dad was missing and he had to go, that was 5 months ago we still call on the phone but the answers he gave me never made sense I know deep down he’s keeping something from me, but honestly I just miss him

“Sam when are you coming home?” I ask over the phone hearing him sigh

“I hope soon Angel, I hate being away from you”

“Me too and it’s getting creepy here all alone” I say feeling a chill run up my spine

“What do you mean?” He asked immediately concerned

“I don’t know ever since you’ve been gone it’s just felt weird like someone watching me, it’s cold sometimes and the lights flicker I don’t know maybe I’m just crazy”

“I’m sure it’s nothing just get some sleep okay? I’ll call in the morning”

I fell asleep that night with a bit more ease until I shot up in bed my body covered in a cold sweat, the lamp on my bed side table flickering I look around frantic until my eyes land on a woman standing in the corner, she was wearing a long white dress with blond hair and a sense of familiarity struck me

“What are you doing here?”

“Do not fear I’m only here to watch over you”

“I know you….youre Sam’s…..but how?”

The door to my bedroom slammed open to reveal Sam and Dean, I look back at Mary as they followed my gaze

“Mom?” Dean said a quiver in his voice

“She’s not safe alone son, but now that you’re back I’ve fulfilled my duty” she faded as the room became warm again and the light went back to normal

“Sammy?” So many unanswered questions in such a short time, he came to my bed side and held me close, I missed this being held in his strong arms, his cologne calming me

“I’m so sorry I should’ve never left you, I’ll tell you everything just promise you won’t leave me” he seemed so fragile and vulnerable

“I’ll never leave you Sammy, I love you”

“I love you too angel”

He explained everything to me, I probably wouldn’t have believed him if it wasn’t for what just happened with his mothers ghost

“But how did you get here so quick?”

“I was coming home as a surprise, good thing too, you’re not safe here now that you now everything and the target I have on my back someone will try and use you against me, are you willing to come with us, so I can protect you?”

“I’ll go anywhere with you”

#supernatural imagine #supernatural one shot #supernatural #sam winchester x y/n #sam winchester x you #sam winchester fluff #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester oneshot #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester x reader #castiel x y/n #castiel x you #castiel imagine #castiel x reader #castiel fluff #castiel fanfiction

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voidselfshipp · 1 year

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Familial f/o hang out ideas:

Bobby: days repairing cars, with beer and rock music in the bg while catching him up on my life. Also Bobby teaches me New tricks about cars.

Jack: zoo! I show him all the animals there are, be in awe looking at all the fish, and Jack being liked by all the birds there. Then we get little keepsakes from the gift shop.

Rowena: walk through the forest,foraging foods, spell ingredients and trinkets!

Mary: shopping! Getting groceries, clothes and gifts for team free Will, and then getting lunch toghether.

#🧙‍♀️🔮📜 my moms a witch | rowena📜🔮🧙‍♀️#familial f/o: jack kline #familial f/o: bobby singer #familial f/o: Mary winchester #tex don't look!#cw alcohol #tw alcohol #cw food #tw food

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disabled-dean · 5 months

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Asterism of an F-Series Ford Pick Up- 17k

Now with BELOVED amv by @butch--dean 🖤

Summary: When you've been to hell, desire is isolating and ugly.

Or: Cas drives his truck for a case and Dean is exceptionally horny about it.

“Once on a hunt when he was a teenager, Dean had been caught too close to an explosive when it had gone off. There had been the moment when the projectile hit, and the moment when it had detonated. And just before it had, there had also been a moment when he had believed that maybe it wouldn’t.

He had thought about that moment for years, over and over again, until something else had taken its place. And the way that that moment was quiet, the way it was still- that is how this feels. To lie beside Cas in the bed of his truck, their shoulders barely touching.”

Follow @deancastruckwip for bonus content <3

Ten Minutes From Home [Lebanon Coda] WIP 30k

We've truly come a long way since the iconic:

"Physically restraining myself from writing a coda fic for Lebanon, where John stays over at the bunker, Cas comes home in the middle of the night & there's tension between him and Dean over whether or not they will still share a room, and then 29-year-old Mary has to sit through Thee most homophobic breakfast with her dead ex-husband, closeted son, and his common law married, ancient eldrich boyfriend."

This fic is a deep dive into some of the juicier elements of Lebanon, including- justice for Mary Winchester and her rich internal life, the intricate dance constructed around Dean's homosexuality and John's neglectful/abusive parenting and the impact of the Michael arc on Dean and Cas' relationship. Also features: recovering!alcoholic dean, a staggering amount of risky bunker sex, biblically accurate sibling interactions, and studies on objectification. Also Sam is practicing witchcraft as a treat, and I put that guy in eating disorder recovery (because he fucking needs it) <3

Haven't started posting this one! But you can follow @lebanon-wip for excerpts, inspo, and bonus content <3

An Easier Softer Way WIP 38k

Recovery!natural. Injured after the hell rescue goes wrong, Dean ends up disabled and living in a small rural town in Eastern Washington. With Sam fucked off to god knows where and without the fight to distract him, Dean has nothing left to focus on but his burgeoning sobriety, and persistent dreams of hell.

Set in the arid low-lands of the river valley, surrounded by apple orchards and twisting irrigation canals, Dean becomes convinced he can see a great beast stalking through the hills bordering the town. The same beast he has dreamt of since returning from hell, the same one he can sometimes feel beside him when he knows that he’s alone.

Walking the line between grief and reality, isolation and community, Dean has to pull together what's real and what isn't as he adjust to his disability, and finds faith that he is capable of building lasting relationships and creating a life for himself worth loving.

Also eventually Cas shows up, and they save the world.

He’s still debating just getting the fuck out of there when a women at the head of the long table clears her throat, and starts to read from a laminated print out. The edges of Dean’s vision blur out a little. He has to leave. He has to- the woman is still reading. Dean tunes back in in time to hear, “-At some of these we balked. We thought that we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not." Here, the speaker pauses, and Dean feels like she looks right at him. But she doesn't. She just gives the laminated sheet a little shake, clears her throat and continues, "With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.” And no one could ever call him a coward. So he stays.

Honestly the most plot I've ever worked with (and very deeply personal) so this one could be a while. @aneasiersofterway for inspo, vibes, and bonus content.

#my work #spn fic #destiel fic #deancas fanfiction

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panicroomsammy · 6 months

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Sam Winchester, queer coding, and CSA themes

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time but what finally got me to write it down was this post about Sam and queer coding. For this reason (and that this got ridiculously long) I will not be restating all of the points made in that post, though I do agree with them.

I think the reason so many people refuse to see that Sam is queer coded is that he is queer coded in unpalatable ways, including being csa coded. I am only on season seven, but I am going to try and break down some of the ways that he has been queer coded so far. I must begin by explaining what I mean by queer coding and what coding is in general. When I say the word “queer” I do not necessarily mean “gay” or “bisexual” or any other lgbt label. I mean outside the norm. This is because “queer coding” is not so much about purposefully portraying a character as a certain sexuality, but about othering that character from those around them. Sam is clearly an othered character. We will start, as all things in Supernatural do, with Azazel.

When Azazel makes his deal with Mary that ultimately results in the othering of Sam via his psychic powers, the deals are csa coded in a variety of ways. The most obvious is that he possesses Mary’s father’s corpse to kiss her and make the deal. Hunting families are already incest coded in that it is a secret and something that children raised in it are taught no one outside of their family will understand, and in this case hunting is something Mary is trying very hard to escape. Her love for John (who is also her means of escape) seems to be a love for his “innocence” in the way that he does not know of the supernatural. She tells Dean that what she fears more than anything is her own children being raised into hunting. This is a very typical incestuous family melodrama plot (that I could cite in many academic articles but alas this is a tumblr post). Besides the explicitly incestuous kiss and the familiar plot, there is also the way that Azazel obscures what exactly he is asking for in the deals. When he makes the deal with Mary, he has taken both the familiarity of her family and her route of escape from her. He then offers the escape back to her, in exchange for something. He never tells her what this “something” is. This is a more insidious piece of csa coding. Mary lacks the knowledge necessary to consent to the deal - the same way that a child lacks the knowledge necessary to meaningfully consent to sex. All demon deals in the show are sa coded in that they are extortive and about owning someone and depriving them of autonomy, but in this particular case Mary not knowing what she is consenting to is highlighted. He also phrases is as “permission” (to do what he’s going to do to baby Sam), similar to language of asking for consent and implying that whatever he does that she does not understand she will have allowed so she cannot take issue with it later.

Fast forward ten years. Azazel comes to collect on his deal. Two significant things happen - he feeds baby Sam his blood and he is caught in the act by Mary. Let’s focus first on the latter. Azazel kills Mary because she walked in on him with Sam. The way he talks about this in the show has a stomach turning amount of innuendo to it. Specifically, he says she had to die because “she walked in on us” to Sam. The use of “us” is very clearly supposed to invoke an abuser’s attempt to convince a victim that they did in fact have agency in the situation and were just as active a participant as the abuser, though the audience knows this cannot be the case as Sam was an infant.

When Azazel feeds Sam his blood this is without consent which already gives it a csa implication. The way that he made the deal with Mary in the first place does the same. Then there is the way that Sam feels dirty because of the demon blood in him. “Something that I could not control happened to me as a child and now I feel dirty forever” is glaringly a metaphor for csa. The way that Sam says “so he could bleed in my mouth” made me pause the episode and sit there for a moment because of how much it sounded like a euphemism.

Then Sam becomes addicted to demon blood. The parallels would almost make me laugh if they didn’t make me nauseous. Ruby forces herself on Sam sexually before she starts feeding him her blood, and then later it seems that their routine is feeding Sam the blood and then having sex. This creates an association between demon blood and sex. There is also a more sinister undertone to it if you read with this in mind. Sam’s desire for demon blood invokes, for me at least, queer desire. Unlike what some people on tumblr would like to believe, sexual desire isn’t something that people only start feeling when they turn 18. It isn’t even something that we only start feeling when we reach puberty. Everyone has a human body that is capable of feeling arousal from the moment they are born. This is a simple fact of life, but it is one everyone likes to ignore. With this in mind we can understand the quote “within childhood sexual trauma, the experience of violation may be viewed in the moment as uncontrollably stimulating and overwhelmingly arousing” from this post. When someone experiences violation as a child, they may at the time feel pleasure in it or desire for it to happen again. What I am saying is that his whole life after Azazel fed him his blood maybe Sam, for all his fight against being a freak, deep down felt some kind of desire for something even without knowing quite what. And then Ruby gave it to him. This is an unacceptable desire and therefore coded as queer (sexual) desire. But as it is not just queer desire but one associated with both childhood and non consent, which makes it unpalatable to many people who may otherwise enjoy reading for queerness in subtext, therefore the queerness here is missed.

Sam’s fight against being a freak is also part of his queer coding. Some may see this and take it at face value, but truly what queer person can honestly say they have never tried to fit into heteronormative society? When one is constantly told by society that they are wrong, they will try to change to fit - even if just out of a desire for safety. Sam trying and failing at normality (including the ideal heterosexual romantic relationship which is taken from him with Jess’s death in the first episode) is a glaring example of queer coding.

Yet another aspect of Sam’s sexuality that I believe leads to his queer coding being ignored is that the vast majority of sexual situations we see him in are non consensual and he makes it explicitly clear that he wishes not to be in those situations. The first time we see him in such a situation is the pilot where the woman in white forces herself on him and tells him that he will be unfaithful to Jess. At the time this felt pretty extreme to me for putting in the first episode, even for trying to establish that a character highly values their morality. From there they just don’t stop putting Sam in these situations. The next time this happens is with Meg touching Sam sexually while she has him and Dean tied up with no motivation other than that she wants to. She later possesses him, which is used throughout the show as a sexual assault allegory. The next time I remember something like this happening is Becky groping Sam and refusing to stop when he asks her in season four. Later in season seven she roofies him with love potion and kidnaps him. When Sam and Dean investigate the mental hospital in season five, one of the patients grabs both Dean and Sam and makes out with them at different times. While Dean goes with it and does not resist, Sam tries to push the girl away. While neither of these situations had consent, it is much easier for the audience to swallow Dean’s reaction than Sam’s, as Dean’s reaction plays into the notion that men cannot be sexually assaulted because they should always want to have sex with women, while Sam’s forces one to confront that men are capable of not consenting. In the very next episode a high school boy uses a spell to swap his and Sam’s bodies. While in Sam’s body the boy has sex with a woman. Throughout much of season six I would argue something similar occurs. While I’m a bit fuzzy in the metaphysics of what exactly is happening here, Sam is functionally anywhere from two to three people over the course of the season. Despite the fact that they are all technically Sam, I would argue (as a system myself) that any one person within a system using the body to do things that the others would stop them from doing given the chance is non consent. We also know that soulless!Sam slept around with a lot of people during that year and a half. Again, as a system, I would say that is noncon. There is also the fact that during all of this Sam-in-hell (soul!Sam?) was being tortured and more than implied to be raped by Lucifer. All of this makes Sam and sexuality a much less palatable thing to focus on than Dean and sexuality. (Though Dean has his fair share of sa coding as well he covers it up with jokes that make it easier to ignore. But that’s another post.)

The bottom line is that Sam’s demon blood addiction is coded as queer in that it is a desire that is taboo, but it is a bit too taboo for most fans to enjoy or even acknowledge, leading them to voice outright denial of it, with the unpalatable themes of rape surrounding Sam and sexuality adding to the lack of desire to discuss this aspect of the character.

#supernatural #sam winchester #mary winchester #azazel #azazel spn #meta #csa mention #csa tw #sa mention #sa tw #I want to write about Sam and bodily autonomy and trans themes too but alas this is too long already #time to get this the fuck out of my drafts before I try to make it meet academic standards

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