#man i haven’t written for this asshole in eons... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wonderthor · 2 years

Text

Night and Day

a/n: I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK DUE TONIGHT AND I HAVEN’T STARTED BUT FUCK THAT HERE YOU GO lmao i’ve never written an anime fic, nor have i written in fucking eons, but it’s fucktober so get fucked. i do what i want.

pairing: mechanic!ryomen sukuna x thicc!black!fem!reader

summary: you stop by your sister’s auto shop, meaning for it to be a quick visit. but you ended up being there longer than you thought and someone left quite an impression on you.

warnings: SMUT, cursing, HELLA petnames, pussy eating, fingering, rip cervix, unprotected sex, creampie, spanking, kind of corruption kink, unedited piece of shite, sukuna being a smug asshole at the end lol the end is my favorite part, did i miss something? let me know if i did

—

“finally! i’m here, thank goodness!”

you looked up from your GPS to the auto shop in front of you. you had never been here before, but it was just as your sister described it. huge, old and a bit run down, but full of mechanics bustling about in and out of the garages. and not to mention, a ton of cars. oh, and being very very far away from your town. you didn’t want to mention that even though you used a GPS, you had gotten lost twice and almost ended up in the opposite side of the state. so you decided to keep that little secret to yourself.

you parked far away from the business and grabbed your purse to head inside. inside, there was a few people sitting and waiting for their cars and a desk with a woman sitting behind it across the room. you walked up to the desk and politely waited for the woman to finish her phone call. she swiftly hang up the phone, sighed, and looked up at you with a tired expression on her face. “hello, how may i help you?”

still, as polite as you are, you smiled and said, “good afternoon ma’am! i’m here to bring my sister something that she left. she works here and her name is-“

“SIS!!!!!!” you jolted as your sister came running from behind the desk to grab you in a very aggressive hug. “oh my sweet dear sister has finally come all the way here to visit me! what a treat!”, she said with a comically large smile on her face.

you lightly giggled and said, “i’m here to bring you your wallet that you left at mom and dad’s house on Sunday. and to be honest, i’m not sure if i should be more concerned that you left your wallet all the way there or that it took you two days to figure it out.”

“oh please,” she huffed, “the reason i asked you to bring it and not mom or dad was because i didn’t feel like hearing a lecture. now gimme it.” she held out her oil-filled hands for her wallet. you went into your purse and held out her wallet only for her to snatch it from you.

“geez, what’s gotten into you sis? why are you so mean and grumpy today?”, you said with a pouty frown.

“ugh, we’re so busy today! and my head still hurts from drinking and staying up until 3am last night with my friends. i knew it was a bad idea but we were celebrating my girlfriend’s birthday and that’s what she wanted.”

“well, maybe you should make those plans on days that you’re off or don’t have to work the next day. you need to make sure you’re getting enough sleep. and not drink too much!”, you said with your hands on your hips. your sister was in the middle of rolling her eyes when someone called out for her, making her roll her eyes again.

“look i gotta go, thanks again for the wallet!”, she said as she gave you a quick hug.

“no problem, but please be a little more responsible next time,” you said lovingly but sternly, which is what your sister said you were famous for.

she rolled her eyes for the third time in one minute when someone came barging in from the door she came from earlier.

“hey! where the hell have you been? i’ve been calling and-“. the man that came in with anger in his voice and face seemed to calm down when he saw you. “oh my apologies, i didn’t know that a customer was back here”. you were shocked at how quickly his demeanor had changed and now he looked a bit embarrassed.

“oh, this isn’t a customer. this is my sister!”, your sister said as she put her hand out as if to present you to him. you shyly waved and smiled at the stranger. “sis, this is sukuna. he’s one of the big dogs around here and a meany and even though i hate to admit it, a badass.”

“more like THE big dog to you, brat,” he bantered with your sister and then turned to you with a polite smile and an outreached hand, “nice to meet you!” you kindly took and shook his verystrongandbig hand with another smile. after that, he looked between you and your sister several times. “wow, you two look very similar!”

“that’s because we’re twins, genius! we’re the exact same, except i have like 20 tattoos and she has none, her hair is longer than mine, i like to have fun, and she is uptight and constantly has her panties up her twat,” you swatted at her arm at her last statement and you both glared at each other for a few seconds.

“come on brat, that’s no way to talk about your nice and sweet twin sister!”, he said as he slightly smirked and winked at you, making you unconsciously grip the handle of your purse around your shoulder a bit tighter.

“whatever kuna, you talk shit about your twin brother all the time!”

“well that’s because he’s an idiot”, he said as he crossed his arms and you pretended not to notice how buff they were. “your beautiful sister, on the other hand, is not.”

“ugh, stop flirting! and anyway we’re really fucking busy so let’s get back to work!”, your sister said to sukuna as she tried to shove him away.

“y-yeah i’ve got to get going too. see you later sis, and nice to meet you sukuna!”, you said as you waved and walked away.

“see you later, pretty girl!”, he said as he waved goodbye to you before your sister swatted at his arm and dragged him back to the garage.

you went back to your car and took a deep breath to calm down. you didn’t know why, but you had gotten way too worked up over sukuna’s compliments. i guess it’s just been a while.

—

“ugh, this cannot be happening!”

you pulled over into a parking lot and turned off your car. you got out to pull up your hood and inspect for anything obvious. what am i doing? i know absolutely nothing about cars. you huffed and closed the hood and got back into your car. you did the next best thing and pulled out your phone, scrolling to your sister’s number. please pick up!

“hello? hey sis, i know it’s late but are you still at the shop?”

“yeah but i’m literally about to walk out now. why, what’s up?”

“my car is making a weird noise and my engine light came on, so i pulled over and turned it off. but if you’re leaving i can bring it by tomorrow”

“aw shit, really? i was gonna go to my friend’s party tonight and i’m already running late.”

“well i see your already doing such a great job of taking my advice!”

“whatever, fuck you!”

“hey, language! you know how i feel about cursing!”

“yeah, wh-“

just then, you heard some background noise and talking and some of what your sister was saying. you couldn’t hear everything but you heard “sister” “broke down” and “morning”.

“hello?”

you heard more background noise before your sister came back to the phone.

“well tonight’s your lucky night. sukuna has offered to take a look right now for you.”

you were silent for a moment.

“hello? did you hear what i said?”

“uh yeah. tell him that he doesn’t have to do that. i know it’s late and i can bring it in-“

“don’t worry about it, babydoll. just bring her here and i’ll take care of it. really, it’s no problem at all”

you clenched the wheel at his smooth voice on the phone and decided not to fight it.

“o-ok, thank you! i really appreciate it. i’m on my way right now.”

“ok, see you in a bit”

he hung up the phone and you put the shop’s address back into your GPS. pretty girl. babydoll. you forced your thoughts to be quiet as you drove back to the shop.

—

you pulled into the open garage of the shop and sukuna was there waiting for you. you got out of the car and walked over to him. “thank you so much for looking at my car for me so late! i’m truly grateful!”, you said with a bright smile.

“of course. for you, i’d do anything”, he said with another sinful smile. it made you sort of nervous and you looked around at the shop and just then noticed that no one else was there.

“did everyone already go home for the night?”

sukuna had quickly gone to work under your car’s hood and talked as he worked, “yeah, we closed up about an hour ago. when you called, everyone was starting to go home then.”

you flushed and started to feel bad. “oh wow. i’m sorry, i probably ruined your after work plans.”

“come on sweetheart, don’t make me say it again. don’t worry about it,” he said as you looked up at you as he spoke. you didn’t know what else to say so you simply nodded. he smiled and went back to work on your car.

after a minute or so, he beckoned you to stand next to him. “you see, this is what the problem was. it’s a good thing i fixed it tonight, or else you wouldn’t have been able to drive it all the back from your house tomorrow.”

“ooh, well i guess it’s a good thing i did come here tonight!”

sukuna looked at you for a moment. “you know, your sister said you’re uptight but i think you’re pretty calm.”

you rolled your eyes and a bit of annoyance came to your face. “oh, she’s always said that ever since i-“. you were about to say something that you shouldn’t but caught yourself, but he still noticed at the way your face quickly fell.

“ever since what? you can tell me angel”. you looked up at him. you didn’t know what it was, but he made you feel different. maybe it was the pet names, or how handsome he was, or how close to his face you suddenly were. but your stomach was doing cartwheels and you didn’t know how to stop it. not that you wanted it to.

“e-ever since i broke off my engagement 3 years ago,” you felt a mini weight lift off your shoulders, as you always did whenever you told someone about your past. it was a relief to talk about things instead of trying to bury it or run away from it. he gave you an expectant look and you continued talking as if he commanded your mind to. “we were engaged for a year, and 2 weeks before our wedding i found out he had been cheating on me the whole time we were together. he wanted to try and fix it but i didn’t, so i left him and here i am, 3 years later.” you didn’t realize you looked away from him and when you looked back up at him, he was staring into your eyes so intensely you swore you could feel him in your mind.

“he sounds like a fucking idiot. who would land such a pretty little thing like you and ruin it like that? if i was your fiancé, i would worship the ground you walked on. seems like you dodged a huge fuckin bullet if you ask me.” you hadn’t noticed you had stopped breathing as he spoke, and you let out a shaky breath.

“what’s wrong sweetheart? you don’t believe me? well i’m telling you the fuckin truth. you have got to be the prettiest, hottest, sexiest woman i’ve ever seen.” you don’t know how, but you both had somehow moved away from the car and he had you pinned against a table.

“i-i just d-don’t feel that way,” you looked down in shame and your face felt like it would burn you if you touched it. but somehow, sukuna’s hands could take the heat as he held your face in his hands and pulled it up to look him in the eyes.

“that’s because no one has been man enough to show you and make you feel good. please let me show you. please, please.” you were scared and nervous, because what he said was true. your ex-fiancé was the only person you’d been with and he was never concerned with making you feel pretty or important. perhaps you should have known all along. but you were also scared of this. you didn’t know if you were ready for what sukuna was offering and part of you knew it was wrong and that you barely knew each other. but the other part of you, was begging for it.

you nodded and shot out, “yes please.” before you could get your whole sentence out, sukuna had picked you up and placed you on the table and stood between your legs. he kissed you with such passion and force that you were already starting to feel breathless. you kissed him back as your wrapped your arms around his neck, your kisses getting heavier and deeper. he broke away from your mouth to kiss down your neck, sucking at the sweet spot he found. once he started kissing your collarbone, his hands started to feel and squeeze your breasts through your sundress.

“mmm, s’kuna!”, you moaned out for him, and he squeezed even harder.

“fuck babydoll! i don’t think i’ll ever get tired of you sayin my name like that.” his hand reached down lower and lower, until his fingers finally reached into your panties. “jesus! what’s got you so wet and worked up, huh angel?” he started to slowly work his fingers up and down your slit, rubbing your juices around everywhere.

“s’kuna, please, more,” you said as your eyes were lidded already. he smirked at how needy you were and slid his fingers up to your clit, rubbing in firm circles. you clenched your fingers around the edge of the table, already feeling better than anyone else had made you feel before. once he put his finger inside you, you yelped and jumped up a bit.

he leaned his head into your neck to shh you, “shh, it’s okay pretty girl. i’ve got you.” you leaned your head into his neck too as he worked your finger in and out of you. once you got used to the intrusion, you started to subtly grind your hips against it, silently begging for more. he added another finger and you whined into him. again, he worked his fingers, in and out, over and over, until you got used to it and rocked your hips against him. you heard him whisper a small “fuck”, but it didn’t phase you. any other time cursing made you uncomfortable, but right now it made your hormone levels skyrocket and your panties a little wetter. once he added a third finger, you winced and your hands shot up to grab onto his shirt. he filled your cheek with kisses as he rubbed your clit with his thumb to ease the pain.

“does that feel better princess?”, he asked as he started to rub your clit harder.

“mmmm, y-yeahhh, s’kuna please!” he worked his fingers and your clit much faster now as you gripped onto his shirt for dear life. you couldn’t focus on anything else now the breakneck speed at which his fingers were pleasuring you. your mouth was wide open at the intense feeling of your orgasm racing towards you, moans and whimpers free falling out of your mouth. you didn’t notice when he had pulled back from your neck and stared into your eyes again, but you couldn’t help but stare back into his as you were getting closer and closer. suddenly, he took his hand out of your panties and you whined out in instinct, a pitiful look on your face.

“relax princess. i said i was going to take care of you, remember? just be a good little girl and wait,” he said as he bent down and pulled your panties all the way off. he then kneeled down in front of you, hiking your dress up and opening up your legs wide for him. you started to feel a bit self-conscious and anxious as he just stared and you tried not to squirm. “fuck angel. you really are pretty from head to toe aren’t you? such a pretty fucking pussy, all pretty and perfect just for me. my perfect little sweetheart.”

you weren’t even aware of the loud moan you let out at his words, desperately making you seek friction as you tried to close your thighs around his head. he stopped you and put hands on the insides of you thighs, keeping you wide open. “uh uh doll, don’t do that. you gotta stay nice and open for me ok?” you nodded back at him and he smiled in approval. he leaned his face closer and closer between your legs and you started to have a mini panic.

“umm, w-wait!”, you said as your hand went up to his head to block his movements. he leaned back a bit and looked up at you, raising his eyebrows.

“what’s wrong baby? do you want me to stop?” you suddenly felt embarrassed again and a little angry at yourself. you were nervous, but didn’t mean to overreact so badly.

“i-it’s just that…i’ve never had anyone, u-um…,”you stuttered over your words, trying to find the best way to put it.

“you never had anyone eat your pretty little pussy before?”, he said as he gave you a completely serious and sympathetic expression. geez, why did he have to say it like that?

“uh, y-yeah,” you confessed. you were a bit sad as your thoughts got the best of you. maybe he doesn’t want to now, maybe you ruined it. maybe he wouldn’t even like- a sudden wet and firm lick up the slit of your pussy quickly pulled you from your thoughts. you whimpered in shock and looked down at that oh so sinful smirk on sukuna’s face.

he giggled slightly and said, “just hang on tight, pretty girl,” as he licked another firm stripe against you. you did just as he said, holding on tight to the edge of the table like if you didn’t, you’d fall off of a cliff. you were panting and sweating as sukuna licked you everywhere, slurping up your juices and covering every inch of your pussy with his tongue. “fuck, so fucking good. i think i could eat this sweet pussy of yours all day angel,” he said and then immediately shoved his face back into you.

“uhhhh, feels so good! s-so good sukuna,” you moaned as one of your hands moved to his hair to anchor yourself. he moved his tongue down and teased at your entrance, licking and circling his tongue and making you clench around nothing. before you could even whine out in need, he shoved his hot, thick tongue inside you. you gasped and tried to trap his head with your thick thighs again, but he threw them over his shoulders and held them down. you started to grind against his face, slowly fucking your self on his tongue. he groaned into your pussy and the vibration made your thighs clench tighter around his head. you were sad for a moment when he took his tongue out of you, but you quickly got over it once he rubbed it against your clit before sucking it tightly into his mouth.

“a-ah, shit!”, you screamed out much louder than you anticipated. in fact, you wouldn’t have even noticed you cursed if he didn’t bring it up.

he cackled teasingly and said, “i thought i heard my sweet little angel tell her sister that she didn’t like bad words? i must be really making you feel that good, aren’t I?”, all while keeping sweet pressure on your clit with his fingers.

“y-yea, so…so good,” you said dreamily. he laughed again and went back to lapping at your clit, moving his fingers down to fuck you with them again. you pulled tight at his hair, egging him on as he pushed his fingers and deeper, making them hit right up against a certain spot. you gasped and jolted up like he had burned you.

“is that it right there sweetheart?”, he said as he slammed into the spot over and over, making your toes curl.

“h-yes! yes right there please, please don’t stop!” your orgasm was barreling towards you now, your grip on his hair getting even tighter. “please i’m…i’m!”

“yeah, i got you angel. that’s right, come for me. come for me and make a mess all over my fucking face princess,” he said as he raced his fingers in and out of you, abusing that sweet spot of yours. you threw your head back and came hard, your juices flowing and gushing all over him while you yelled out for him, his fingers continuing to work you through it. when you were done, you removed your hands from his hair and leaned on them behind you, panting and trying to catch your breath. that was the hardest i’ve ever come in my life. you looked down at him and watched him slowly rub little circles against you.

“fuck, that was hot. you’re so sensitive angel,” he said sweetly before he gave little firms pats to your pussy. you whimpered and trembled at the little pats, the last one making you jump and a little more of your juices flow. he stood back up, towering over you again and bringing his lips to yours in a rough, messy kiss. you moaned as you could taste your juices on his tongue. he gravitated even closer to you until his front was touching yours. you could feel his hard member in his pants and instinctively started to grind yourself against it. he moaned into your mouth and pulled you closer to him, grinding himself against you.

“fuck, i can’t wait,” he muttered under his breath as he bent down to pull down his pants and boxers. you looked down in awe as you saw his cock spring freely up in anticipation. without thinking, you reached down and touched it, wrapping your fingers around it. jesus christ this thing is big! it made you kind of nervous, how was this going to work? he was much bigger than your ex fiancé. you guessed he could read your expression on your face.

“don’t be nervous, i’ll make it work for you ok? just relax for me. are you ready?” you nodded at his words, some of your nerves relaxing. “let me hear you say it angel.” you swallowed and took a deep breath.

“ok, i’m ready sukuna.” he laid you back against the table and lined himself up with your entrance. you looked down and your eyes widened, maybe this isn’t going to work!

“hey, look at me baby. just focus on me and relax, i’ve got you,” he said as he pushed up your chin with a finger to meet his eyes. he slowly pushed inside of you, making you whine as you never broke eye contact. you held onto the edge of the table again and he brought his head down to you, your foreheads touching. you both moaned in harmony as he worked himself deeper and deeper. it seemed like a long process, him working himself back and forth, in and out. but pretty soon, he was seated all the way inside you.

“s-shit babydoll. so fucking nice and tight for me, fuck!”, he groaned out against you. you thought his filthy mouth had turned you on before, but his whiny moans and face full of pleasure had you getting wetter by the second. he stayed still to let you get adjusted to him.

once you moaned out, “please move, need more,” he started to slowly move, in and out of you. you bit your lip as you were still overcoming the pain, trying your best to relax. sukuna bent his head down and licked and sucked at the sweet spot on your neck, finally biting down and leaving a mark, making you squeal. he then moved his hand down, rubbing circles on your clit again while continuing to tease and nip at your neck. his teasing and rubbing was worth it, because soon you no longer felt pain and all you felt was pleasure.

“m-more s’kuna, please,” you whispered into his ear. he straightened up and wrapped your legs around his torso above his waist, allowing him to get even deeper. his thrusts were now at a hard and steady rhythm like a well oiled machine.

“see baby? i told you i would make you feel good. such a good girl, taking me so well.” you whined out in need and moved your hips against his, meeting each of his thrusts. he pulled on the top of your sundress, releasing your breasts for him to play with. “fuck, look at these beautiful tits. so fucking big and soft,” he said as he massaged and squeezed at them. you clenched around him when he flicked over your nipple and he smirked. he leaned down and licked and sucked all over your breasts, making them wet and bruised. you gasped loudly as he took your nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting hard enough to make your hips move harder against him. he set a faster pace as he continued to assault your breast and your clit, your orgasm peaking over the horizon again. once he leaned up to kiss you as he grind and rolled his hips against yours, giving you deep strokes as your clit rubbed against his crotch, it was all over. you wailed and threw your head back again as you came on his cock, clenching down on him.

he pulled out of you and swiftly flipped you over and threw you down on your stomach. before you could even react or move, he thrusted back in all the way, quick to set a brutal pace in and out of you, giving sweet kisses to your cervix with every thrust. “fuuuuccckkk,” you moaned as you braced your hands on the table as you were fucked like a wild animal.

“you’re turning into such a needy little slut for me, aren’t you? my perfect little whore,” he said as his hand came down on your ass hard, leaving behind a stinging sensation. you whimpered out and he gave the same treatment to your other cheek. “that’s right baby, fucking take it. take all of it.” tears streamed down your cheeks at the intense feeling of his thrusts getting harder and faster, bruising your pussy and your cervix. he held your head down against the table and you instinctively arched your back, leaving you nothing to do but lay there and take it. he slightly changed the angle of his hips, allowing him to abuse your sweet spot over and over. you’re eyes rolled to the back of your head and your thighs trembled in anticipation.

“aw, is my sweet girl gonna come again? such a good little girl, that’s right. come all over my fucking dick for me. i know you can do it, be good one last time for me.”, he whispered in your ear without missing a beat. the nail in the coffin was a harsh bite he gave you on your shoulder, making your orgasm stampede toward you and run you over. you screamed and sobbed as you gushed and creamed all over his cock, your whole body shaking and your soul momentarily leaving your body. now THAT was the best orgasm you’d ever had in your life.

“aw fuck angel! i’m c-cumming, shit!”, he moaned out as he emptied his heavy load into you, laying his body down against your back and breathing heavily into your ear. neither one of you moved, focusing on trying to catch your breath and calming your heartbeats. you were zoned out and in another world until you felt wet kisses across your shoulder, neck, and upper back. you picked your head up and sukuna followed you, leaving kisses across your forehead and face. you looked up at him and he kissed your lips, softly making out with you. after the feeling of pure bliss seceded, he helped you sit up and pulled up your panties and fixed your sundress. once his pants were back up and zipped, he picked you up and placed you on the floor on your unsteady feet. you quickly grabbed onto his arms once you tried to stand on your wobbly legs alone.

“you okay sweetheart?,” he asked as he stabilized you with his hands on your hips.

“yeah, i think i’m fine now. thank you,” you said with another sweet smile. fuck, that sweet, innocent looking smile almost made him want to bend you over the table wreck you again.

“yeah, you’re probably not gonna be able to walk tomorrow.” his nonchalant tone as he spoke made heat rush to your cheeks and you shyly looked down. “don’t tell me your acting all shy after i just made you make a mess of my clothes.” it wasn’t until he said that that you looked him over. his shirt and most of his pants were absolutely soaked. your face felt like a furnace as you felt completely mortified.

“oh my gosh! i am so sorry! i can wash them for you, i swear!” he chucked at your worried voice.

“no need sweetheart, but there is a way you can make this up to me.”

“really? how?” he placed his hands on your ass as he lifted you up, wrapping your legs around him and holding you.

“you can promise me to give me that sweet little pussy of yours again,” he said as he leaned into your face as he spoke. your eyes widened as your tummy flipped at his words. “tell you what, why don’t we go to my house to clean up and have a nice shower. what do you say?” he was already in the process of carrying you over to his car while he was asking you.

“uh y-yeah, sure!”

“perfect! then let’s go princess,” he said as he gave you a playful slap on your ass, signaling that tonight would be more than just washing up. oh god.

“sukuna, you know it’s late and you had a busy day today and have to work tomorrow. don’t you think you should go home and get some sleep?”, you asked as he put you in the passenger seat of his car and buckled your seat belt.

he stood in the doorway and pretended that he was deep in thought and considering what you said. “yeah you’re right, i do need to get some sleep…but i also need to have you sit on my face and make you cry from cumming for hours without stopping,” he said with the most shit-eating grin you’d ever seen. your jaw dropped to the floor in shock and he simply closed the car door and laughed while he walked to the drivers side. what an evil villain.

514 notes · View notes

regrettablewritings · 4 years

Note

Nevada Ramirez 4, 7, 18, and 30 if you're still doing the meme? 😘😘😘

Nevada Ramirez? I haven’t heard that name in years... 🚬 Stuff’s below the cut!

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?: If you and Nevada are in the same room, chances are he’s got a hand somewhere on you. Not in a gushy, immature way like some boy would, though: Nevada Ramirez is a man. The man. El motherfucking Trujillo. And anything that belongs to him, you’re gonna know it. Especially if it’s his woman.

A hand around your waist if you’re standing somewhere like at the bar of one of his haunts; a hand resting on your thigh at dinner or when relaxing at home; you sitting on his lap during a meeting that he, for whatever reason, deems as mandatory for you to attend.

You think (correctly) that Nevada gets two main things from doing these things. First off, he likes to rub it in other peoples’ faces. Especially if you’re all dolled up. Secondly, he likes getting a rise out of you because sometimes, he purposefully fucks with you by way of his touch. You can be at a perfectly fine night out, just you, ‘Vada, and one of his greatest allies in the game, and that’s when you’ll feel that warm, calloused palm of his drift slowly but surely up from its place on your lower thigh, all the way until it’s tiptoeing the hem of your dress. And that’s when he’s being clean about it!

7. What do they get up to on a night out?: Frankly, the concept of dates exasperate Nevada. He likes you, don’t get him wrong, but why do you have to be so needy?! But, of course, he eventually gives in every time. And every time, it’s some surprisingly classy affair. The first time you tried going to one of the clubs where he holds stake, you had a positively dreadful time. As much as he hates to admit it, your disappointment in him wounded his pride enough for him to decide to never take you on dates to similar places again unless prompted. Generally speaking, ‘Vada’s answer is to go the opposite direction: He wants to show you the finer things in life. Thanks to his connections (and fearful image in the Heights), he has fingers dipped in all kinds of locations, primarily five-star restaurants. If you’re in the mood for a simple McNugget meal, too bad! You’re gonna get sat down and lectured about why your peasant taste buds have been deprived of the superior wonders of chicken breast in demi-glace, coupled with seasonal vegetables as prepared in a panzanella salad! Because for all his gruff appearance and brusque diction, Nevada has a silver palate and he’s gonna foist that on you. (Heaven help you when you cook for this giant baby.)

In the event you’re not really feeling a dinner date, if you really bug him enough, you can squeeze a Broadway show out of him. He’s not crazy about musicals, frankly, and makes this abundantly clear when you’re picking up your tickets from the box office ( “Don’t ask for nothin’ for a month,” he grumbles). But then you catch him the next day mumbling the lyrics to “My Shot” as he gets himself ready . . . He insists he’s buying you merch at whatever shows you two go to because he wants to have more reason for you to not ask him for anything after, but you know there’s something in him that really wants to own a mug or two, or a signed poster he can have framed. If any of his men are over for whatever reason, he can easily just brush it off as something you had wanted while also getting a thrill from the absolute status symbol of being able to see one of the biggest shows in the world. Because let’s get one thing straight: No matter what the date is, no matter who planned it, Nevada’s gonna find a way to show off with it.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?: “They”? Let’s be real, now: There is no “when they fight.” Because if you two are fighting, it’s most definitely got something to do with something Nevada did or said, or didn’t do or didn’t say. But whatever it was, you’re sad or angry or both now and it’s up to him to fix it. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve made some wrong turns in this relationship, but the fact of the matter is that Nevada is a huge asshole. But he’s an asshole who’s found himself inexplicably dedicated to you. Be warned, though: He’s going to try to wait it out. He’ll be especially grumpy and moody and eerily quiet, too, trying to convince himself that whatever happened, it’s on you, or that you’re being way too sensitive or hardheaded. It doesn’t work. Mainly because Nevada is no idiot, he knows well and good that he’s an asshole. Also, you’re far more patient than he is. And what pisses him off more, frankly, is that he’s actually pretty proud of you for holding your ground. Most people let him walk all over them but not you; not his girl. . . . Fuck, why did he have to pick somebody like that?! Whatever the case, he’s not the best with talking so his go-to tends to be to try to wrap it up in a pretty bow, a la just plain buying you crap. He uses his resources to get his hands on nice dresses, designer bags, sweet shoes, tickets to shows that are supposedly impossible to get a hole of, the whole sweet deal. But you’re infuriatingly (and rightfully) stubborn about giving him your immediate forgiveness -- especially since the bastard hasn’t even actually apologized so much as he just placed all these items in the living room for you to find after you woke up! In which case, he wants to shove his face into a wall and just scream and cuss because you’re one of the only people who can pull this shit on him and live. Which forces him to resort to something more personal: Cooking. Despite his silver palate making him a rather fussy eater, Nevada typically prefers to have others cook. But don’t mistake this for being a slouch in the kitchen: If given the right tools and proper time, he’s more than capable of whipping up a glorious three-course dining experience in the comfort of your home. He holds no stops, bringing out the good table dressings and having one of his goons run out and grab him the top three wines best suited for whatever he has planned and plated. All that’s missing now is a prayer that this works because if it doesn’t, he’s going to lose it at a warehouse somewhere. Thankfully, you openly appreciate the gesture . . . Mainly because now you have him in an environment where he sort of has to talk to you about what happened. He wants to scowl, realizing he’s set up his own trap -- one that he falls into constantly. But he’s tired of this crap and just wants to be able to get into bed with you without thinking you’ll freeze him to death so he complies. He’ll listen to your points and hold his tongue, even if he doesn’t exactly agree with them. But in the end, he does apologize. There’s some obvious pout to it, he won’t even attempt to hide that, but you know that beneath it all he does mean it. “Now can we just eat already? I got a torte chilling in the fridge, if that shit gets soggy, you owe me.” Translation: “I’m ready to carry on like normal. Please love me already.”

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?: Realistically, it doesn’t work and we all know why: Nevada Ramirez is a bastard. He’s been hardened by the streets, by his life, and he actively plays a part in making it that way with his “job” as a dealer and God knows what else. We know he has a soft spot somewhere for those whom he loves, but the digging one has to do just to get there is comparable to digging out of prison with a spoon: It can technically be done, but it takes a lot of time and a lot of patience. Oh, and also Nevada has to actually like you enough. And even still it won’t be easy because he’s so stubborn and cold and ruthless. Frankly, you’d be better off without him. But suppose you do win him over. Suppose he determines he can’t and will not be without you (and you’re okay with this). Should such a miracle occur, I feel that it is helped in no small part by the fact that you provide Nevada with challenges. Not genuinely problematic ones that make him tear his hair out (no matter what he says), but things that stimulate his constantly working brain and force him to actually make efforts. For example, you can love that man all you want but sometimes, he just does things that make you slam your foot down. And when that happens, he’s gonna listen. Maybe not immediately, but time is fleeting. You were (and still probably are) a rather reserved person, especially when placed next to your partner. But the problem for Nevada is that being around him means you’ve learned a thing or two: His cusses, his intimidation tactics, whatever he uses to get his way? It’s rubbed off on you. Maybe not perfectly, but just enough to where you can use it as your own. Juxtaposed with your relatively calm demeanor and we get an icy queen who’s beyond tired of his bullshit and completely ready to let him have it when provoked. He acts like it’s no big deal and he’s doing you a favor by listening. But deep down he’s actually a bit intimidated by you when you’re like this, mainly because there’s a chance you’ll leave him and as much as he pretends it doesn’t bother him, it definitely does. He’s actually a bit impressed, not that he’d ever let you know. Going off of this, he likes a woman who’s decisive. So as much of a pain as it is while he’s doing it, he’s actually impressed when you make him work for things only you can give him. It’s a little like a thrilling chase for him, and everyone else is too pussy to actually give him one. Secondly, he sees a partner in you. And I don’t mean romantically -- he does, of course, but what I mean here is someone whom can be a benefit to his practices both in business and out. Nevada strikes me as the type of guy who prefers to keep his circle consisting of those whom he can benefit from, be it in terms of providing company or providing assistance and so on. With you, he sees potential for essentially becoming one of those power couples consisting of two stone-cold baddies: He handles the dirty work but you both are the brains behind the operations. Of course, there’s a very good chance you have a long way to go. There’s even a chance he prefers not to directly involve you in his business affairs. But even in such a case, he’d much rather have you stick around than let you walk out of his life. Because as anyone can tell you: A bored Nevada is a dangerous Nevada.

Thanks for asking!

#nevada ramirez #nevada ramirez x reader #nevada ramirez imagine #nevada ramirez imagines #trouble in the heights #man i haven’t written for this asshole in eons...#prolly for the best he’s so hard to make empathetic #and also hard to figure out...#regrettablewritings #character ship meme #character ship headcanons

35 notes · View notes

bibbykins · 3 years

Text

Insufferable

A/N: The long-awaited flashback is here! It's short, but it is here! I hope this can really show the turning point in Jungkook's and MC's relationship and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts. As usual, tips are not required but greatly appreciate. Hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful day/night!

Note: This is a part (specifically a flashback) of The Household's Bunny series, so I recommend reading at least the Prologue before this one

Word count: 3.6k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Jungkook x Chubby! Reader

Summary: Roommates are bound to have arguments, especially when one of them is as temperamental as Jungkook, but you didn't expect the first argument to get so unbelievably personal.

Warnings: abandonment issues, mommy issues, allusions to past abuse, family issues, crying, yelling, vomiting, panic attack, exhaustion, some soft yandere thoughts, some possessiveness, jungkook is mean and the MC gets a little mean too

There was something so constricting about memories of a shitty childhood. There were times when looking in the mirror felt like searching for the child in you so you could give her the hug she desperately needed. There were times when waking up felt like a check to make sure you were no longer in the home you had to grow up in far too quickly. However, the comfort of being in a different home only came so far when you didn't have anyone beside you or even emotionally available enough to talk to.

You stayed in bed for hours before it felt like a good idea to move, almost waiting for the mirage of change to fade before it brought you back to the gym with your mom or your uncle's apartment littered with whiskey bottles and leaky tear ducts.

Sometimes putting your best foot forward each day felt so hard with all-consuming loneliness clinging to your heels.

You had started your day going through your memory box. Hindsight said that was a poor idea. The box was a sure way to get you into a bad mood. You liked to think you breezed past all the stages of grief, but just because you accepted reality didn't make it hurt any less. The box was a strong reminder of that much as it sat with a melancholic aura. The creme color faded and the thorned vines connected to roses only added to the malicious undertones of its existence to your mental health. It was full of childhood photos, your birth certificate, school achievements, and the last known address your mom had.

Ah, your mom. What a way to bring clouds to your sunny day. You don’t know why you put yourself through the turmoil of the memory box. Maybe you were hoping it would be easier by now. You were always wrong. Looking through childhood photos and finding no love in the eyes of your mother when she looked at you and watching the love in your uncle’s eyes fade with your mother’s presence. You got to the fated birthday card, thumb rubbing over the defunct address longingly. You held the envelope in your hand, inspecting the birthday card she sent you. Three words in the repetitive note written on the inside caught your eye, and not the ones you so desperately wanted from her.

Feeling a familiar pressure behind your eyes, you tossed the card aside and stood. It was time to eat, go on a walk, do anything other than this. You found your way to the kitchen and came across a silent and solemn Jungkook. His jaw was clenched, but it felt like it always was around you.

Your relationship with Jungkook so far was not very complicated, in the way it was nonexistent. He either didn’t care about talking to you or he actively didn’t want to, you really couldn’t tell. This didn’t stop you from trying, though. Like an idiot.

“I’m making food, did you want any?” You asked from your place seated on the couch, and the silence that was his response for deafening, “Okaaaay.” You sang awkwardly, “I just know that you usually don’t eat throughout the day and-”

“And what do you know?!” He snapped, blinded by his pure and unbridled, but most important unprovoked, rage of you. Your eyes widened and your body jumped. Holy shit, you had never heard him yell like this, “You don’t know anything about me, or in general, so just stop trying so fucking hard!” He was harsh in his tone and it lit your whole nervous system on fire. What the hell did you do to him?

You shook your head, not sure why he was yelling about, but it made your throat feel like it was going to close, “Look, I was just trying to be polite, but you don’t need to talk about me like you understand-”

“Understand?! What’s there to understand?” He challenged, eyes wide like he was expecting you to say something but he continued, “You’re some spoiled girl living here rent-free because your precious dad doesn’t want to take care of you.”

Your heart caught in your throat as it shattered. He was right, your dad didn't want to take care of you, but not in the way he thought. Why was he doing this? Has he genuinely felt this way all along? Was he just holding in his anger until you poked the bear a little too hard? “You don’t need to yell at me.” You stated firmly and it seemed to only make things worse.

“And you don’t need to fucking be here in the first place!” He spoke, temper long lost and you could hear his voice mix in with Jungyoon’s, all he needed was a bottle of whisky and a set of calloused hands, “You didn’t need to fucking live here-”

“You don’t know anything about me.” You spat out. Now, you were losing your temper. You could take a beating, but for only so long, especially as an adult, "And it's not like you're paying rent either, so what do you know about me or my living arrangements?" You hissed and you watched his eyes flare, making you nearly regret your provocation.

“No, but I know how you look naked-”

“Fuck you.” You spit the word out at him, something you haven’t done to another person for a while “Don’t weaponize my work or play a game that you absolutely will lose.” You warned, “I know all about you, and I can use that, because you’ve been a star since you were 15, and that sucks, that makes you mad, doesn’t it?” Your temper effectively lost as you ripped into the rage-filled man before you, “Yet you don’t know anything about me, and that must piss you the fuck off, huh?” You stood from the couch, tears building in your eyes before you could stop it.

“I know enough, spoiled rich girl.” He seethed and you laughed humorlessly at this worldwide pop star calling you spoiled and rich.

“Not only are you wrong, but you’re also a poor listener.” You shot back, “I’ve told you all before Jungyoon isn’t my fucking dad, he’s my uncle.” His mouth opened but you cut him off before he could start, “He can’t stand the sight of me so he travels for work.” Your tears are undoubtedly falling, but you can’t stop, “And you’re talking to me like this because what? You had a scandal or something?” You gave him his chance to talk and boy, he took it.

“Mona told me you know your mom.” His voice was like venom, “So, why the fuck are you here? You have your blood relatives.” He exaggerated the word like it meant anything to you, “Why are you here, disrupting our lives, acting like an innocent orphan girl around actual fucking orphans-”

“I never said I was or acted like an orphan!” You exclaimed incredulously before scoffing, “That’s why you’re mad? Because you never knew your mom and I did? Because I know who my blood family is?” You could laugh at how ridiculous that was, “I know them, so what? Where does that get me?” You looked at him expectantly but he didn’t talk, “I knew my mom, and guess what? She just didn’t fucking want me.” He was silent, but you still couldn’t stop, “I’m sure if your mom could’ve got to know you, she would’ve kept you, because you’re not insufferable to be around, you’re just a fucking asshole.” You wiped at your cheeks furiously, “But me? I had 15 years to prove myself and it still wasn’t enough. I still wasn’t enough. Jungyoon never wanted me either, he got stuck with me and had to cope.” Your voice began to break and you had to take a breath, “I was the insufferable one, so-” You stopped, finally as you regained your sense of reality and watched Jungkook who had an unreadable expression and the realization of the word vomit you spilled out to him hit you like a train as you exhaled quickly, rage in your voice quickly replaced with soft melancholy “I am the insufferable one here, so there.” You shrugged, face a wet mess, “Hope that brings you peace.” Your stomach was churning as you turned on your heel, unable to hold in your sobs. You couldn’t bear the awkwardness of waiting for the elevator so you opted to take the stairs.

You sobbed louder as the door slammed shut behind you, but you didn’t want to linger so you bolted down the stairs, the bile in your stomach signaling that you needed to find the nearest trashcan and quickly. You made it to the ground floor and spilled your guts into the small trashcan. Yelling always made you unbelievably ill, whether it was getting yelled at or yelling, the sickness it made you feel overflowed. The yelling only reminded you of-

You vomited again at the mere thought. You cried harder when you finally finished, breathing becoming staggered as you began to panic.

Fuck, they’re gonna kick you out, and then you’ll be alone again. You lost your temper, people don’t like other people who lose their temper. Why couldn’t you just mind your own fucking business and leave him be? You’re stupid. Why do you think you’ve been alone all your life? It’s because people don’t want to be near you. You’re-

“Insufferable.” You mumbled, numb, even if for only a moment.

Sure, Jungkook provoked you, but you knew better. You didn't go to therapist after therapist throughout your adolescence for nothing. You felt as if you set yourself back eons after that outburst. He didn't need to know all that about you, ever. He probably didn't even care to know, and you said it anyway, like you were gunning for gold in the trauma Olympics. You didn't want to minimize his struggles, you just wanted him to shut up and stop yelling at you. You let your eyes flutter closed as you cried. How can you complain about being alone when you're like this?

You don’t know how long you stayed there, sitting next to a trash can full of your vomit as you wallowed in your self-hatred. The all-consuming loneliness the boisterous house subdued returning with full force. Jungkook was right. You didn’t need to be here. You were only disrupting their routine.

You blew out a sigh as you staggered to the elevator, fully set on going up to your room and crying yourself to sleep after you clean up. You brought the trashcan with you, not having the heart to just leave your puke down there. You thanked your lucky stars when Jungkook was no longer on the second floor as you went to the kitchen and rinsed your mouth before going to take out the trash and take out your burnt oven pizza. Finally, you were headed back up to your floor. You watched the numbers tick by with tired eyes. You glared at the empty trashcan, electing to take it with you instead of making the trip back down to put it back. Surely, they wouldn’t need it for a few hours.

The elevator dinged as you grabbed the black plastic bin and then you were met with Jungkook. Relief flashed across his face before irritation settled on it, “Where the fuck were you?!” He asked hurriedly as you trudged past him, too exhausted to fight. You were running on autopilot the whole way up here, and you couldn’t bear another spat.

“I was on the first floor.” Your voice was low, trying to communicate you were done arguing as you lifted the bin as proof. You then set it down and went to your bathroom and began brushing your teeth.

He scoffed, “You were on the first floor for 30 minutes?” He asked as if he caught you in a lie but you nodded as you rinsed your mouth.

You were down there for thirty minutes? No wonder you felt so tired.

“Yep.” You popped the last letter before correcting yourself, “Well, I spent like 10 minutes cleaning up that bin, so not exactly.”

“Why?” He asked as if you were being ridiculous, as if he wasn’t the one on your floor demanding answers.

“I vomited.” You spoke simply and before he could ask, “Yelling makes me puke.” You were so blase about it he sighed in frustration.

You walked to your room and froze when you saw your memory box strewn about, and it was like a dam broke all over again. You looked at the photos, at the eager little girl looking for love in places she would never find it.

Old habits die hard.

Before you could even stop yourself, you sunk to your knees in garbled sobs and broken cries, “Hey, hey, wait.” Jungkook’s shaky voice did nothing to bring you back to reality as you cried. His hands placed themselves on your shoulder, making you flinch violently, much to his horror.

Fuck, he didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know why you were crying, but he knew it was his fault, at least in part. Even if at this moment it wasn’t, his outburst surely didn’t help. Fuck, he’s so dumb. Fuck, he shouldn’t have talked to Mona just moments before seeing you.

The envy of even seeing your own mother’s face ate up at him and he took it out on you. Not to mention that he made you vomit from the yelling. He suddenly felt more like an arrogant asshole than he did before as his hands now hovered over your form and he took a moment to look at your room.

Scattered on the floor were childhood photos and ribbons from competitions. Things Mona kept in her own house, having a whole wall filled with every one of their achievements. Even Jin had a photo album of their things. And you, you kept all these for yourself. You were the only one who cared enough to save these things and he wondered how much you threw away to maintain space in the small empty box. Fuck, he didn’t know how to do this.

You sighed shakily, “You can just go.” You cried, “You don’t have to be here.” You don’t know what he could possibly gain from watching you cry.

“I know.” His voice was calm, even, “Can I help you up?” He asked and you wanted to look up at him in confusion but you didn't want him to see your tears.

You both had just ripped into each other, and here he was, wanting to help you. Why would he do that? Why would he stay when he doesn't have to? Why would he want to help you up after a fight?

Too tired to even think about questioning him and no longer angry at him, you simply scoffed, “Can you?” You sighed, not having the energy to stroke his ego and stand up without his help.

You never let people bear your dead weight, not wanting the awkwardness if they couldn’t carry you, but right now, you just wanted to lay down.

He snorted lightly, happy to hear anything other than a sob for you, “Don’t worry about me, you just cry and mind your business.” He spoke lightly, and the comment made you fight a smile. Then, he lifted you with so much ease, you figured he was trying to show off as he placed you on the bed. He looked at you after he sat on the floor before his eyes caught onto the gold foil of a 16th birthday card. You were wiping at your face as he read the card against his better judgment.

I know you must be confused, and I can’t help that. I wish I could pretend to be a mom, but I can’t. I can’t be your mom, and I never should have tried. It would be best if we forgot each other. I just can’t keep pretending, and I know you can see it, even if you don’t want to.

I’m so tired.

-Mom

Now, he felt even more like an asshole. He also felt a little bit angry that your mother could just leave you behind without so much as saying sorry. She wrote like she was a teenager and you were her mother. She obviously didn't put much thought into the seemingly last message to her daughter and it made his heartbreak for you, “That was the last I heard of her.” You snapped him from his thoughts and he looked at your puffy face, “She had left months earlier, and then I got that, but she moved before I could try to see her one more time.” There was a distant ache in your words as you looked at Jungkook sitting amongst your memories.

“Is she… still alive?” He asked, not sure why he felt the need to know.

“Not sure, but it doesn’t make much of a difference, I guess.” You blew out a sigh, before looking at your papers and folded posterboards, “I was cleaning out my memory box, and I’m not sure why I do it when I know it just upsets me.” You could still feel tears leaking from your eyes as Jungkook picked up a photo of you on your 14th birthday, posed between Jungyoon and your mom. You had a bright smile on your face and they looked at the camera with a tight expression, “You can really see how much they didn’t want to be there, but that's the happiest they look in all of the photos.”

He wanted to say you were wrong, but he could see it. He could see the happy little girl trying to make up for the unhappy adults around her. He knew he should’ve asked Mona why Jungyoon didn’t try to call or visit or why she was so eager to take you in if you knew your family. He should’ve just known better. Yeah, he understood how it felt to be alone growing up, they all did, but by the time they were all 17 they had a home that wanted them. You were going to graduate from college soon and you still felt unwanted.

No thanks to him.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted and you looked at him with wide eyes, “For being an asshole, I’m sorry- and for making you cry. I just…” He shrugged, “You’re right. I was jealous you knew your mom and I already was suspicious of you and I- I’m dumb, and I’m sorry.” He looked at you, eyes a bit glossy and you wondered when was the last time someone apologized for making you cry.

“It’s okay.” You smiled weakly, “You are dumb, but that’s okay.” You chuckled when he frowned, but eventually, he also broke into a short laugh, “I think… we’ve felt a lot of the same things in different ways, so I can’t blame you.” He wondered how you could be so forgiving, and he was scared of how many times that has gotten you hurt, “I like living here and I like all of you, so I hope I can get you all to like me too, even if just a little.”

“Don’t accept less than you deserve.” He spoke firmly before he started picking up your memory box, putting things neatly back in.

“Wh-”

He waved his hands nonchalantly, “You, sleep, I’ll clean this up and order some food.” He didn’t look at you as he said this, mostly to hide his blush, "If...If you want, I can give this to Jin. He has a whole place he keeps our stuff like this… he's really sentimental." He stumbled, still refusing to look at you.

However, he jumped when he heard you hiccup a cry. Ready to apologize, Jungkook was just about to turn to look at you until he heard you speak, "That… That sounds very sweet of you to do." You wiped a sentimental tear away as the blushing boy remained frozen.

"It's Jin's hobby, not mine." He deflected before waving his hand at you, "Sleep, I said." He frantically demanded.

You could see his ears getting red and you smiled, “Yes, sir.” You mocked in your work voice and made him freeze for a moment as you erupted into giggles while he whined, “Okay, okay, I’ll sleep.”

Eventually, you surrendered to your exhaustion as he delicately put away your papers and photos. He hummed lightly, smiling as he came across your debate team awards. No wonder he lost the fight before it even started. He turned around after lifting the box and sighed almost dreamily as he watched your sleeping face. You were beautiful, delicate, and puffy from the tears. He had the urge to keep apologizing for being such an asshole, but after looking through your achievements and your photos, he resolved to just keep proving it.

He wouldn’t let you get hurt again. Not by him or anyone, especially your mother, even Jungyoon was on thin ice.

His blood boiled at the thought of your mother for a reason he couldn’t understand. His hand extended shakily as he pulled the covers up to your shoulder and you hummed contently, making his heart melt a bit at the little smile you had. He wouldn’t fuck up with you again, not like this. He would be nice, at least a little, and first and foremost, he would order food you liked.

He froze.

Fuck, what food do you like?

He relaxed. Well, he could just ask the guys.

Fuck, they’re gonna ask questions.

Fuck, they’re gonna kill him when they found out he made you cry.

He looked back at your sleeping form, not having the heart to wake you up. He sighed, looks like he’ll just have to bite the bullet. He dreaded each moment as he quickly made an untitled group chat with the guys since you were added to their original one. He could only hope Taehyung wouldn’t change the group chat name to something stupid.

Tip Jar

#yandere bts #soft yandere bts #bts fanfic #bts series #yandere jungkook #bts angst #bts fluff #poly bts au

428 notes · View notes

yanderecandystore · 4 years

Note

Rip Tumblr D-do you have any dragon ocs that might kidnap their s/o? Also I know that this is a stupid question but can I call myself Cold anon? ;-;

Hello 🍨 Cold ❄️!! I'm really glad you sent me this request!

The current app that I use for writing is bugging out a lot, so I'm sorry if there are many grammar errors and mistakes here and there.

And uh... Cold? I think I fucked up your ask? I think I got a little too excited and went in a different direction?? If you don't like it I understand, I could always do another one 😳😋

TW/Tags: Guess who is being an emotional ball once again?? Me! Yey! Send help! // look, I'm sorry but, low-key? This is edginess overload lol (medieval bitch times, which by that I mean: dark times with terrible people in it) // deaths // abuse of power // Reader said: eat the rich // non-binary reader just because // cursing // slight plot twist? But, like, bad plot twist // soft dragon boi

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

You curious little thing - [Yandere!Dragon x Reader - Short Fanfiction]:

" Deep in the forest, up in the mountains, legend says that a dragon sleeps deep within the caves. And as the old story goes, gold awaits inside his domain, but only those courageous enough to enter the deep cave and defeat the dragon, would be able to take the creature's treasure.

Many have persuaded the quest of defeating said dragon, yet no one ever came back to tell the story.

And while you sit at the comfort of your small cottage reading about the old tales of the dragon's cave, you can't help but consider the story to be just that, a story. A piece of fiction made to scare the local children away from the mountains, or to enchant those that were easily invested into these types of stories.

It seems like you're one of those that were fascinated by the old tales. Regardless of if you find it true or not. The old tales still hold a mysterious charm that manages to keep you intrigued no matter what age you re-read them.

Tales of the forest spirits protecting their land with mischievous wit, tales of monsters that crawled out of your bed to cause nightmares on the simple minded, tales of mighty dragons who could easily rule the world if they so pleased to.

Yet they didn't. Either because they didn't want to, or maybe they really didn't exist. Who knows, right [Y/N]? Not that you, a simple commoner, would know any better.

Although, from the tales you read, isn't always the common folk the ones to first encounter these things?

It always ends bad, but still.

A commoner would be the first one to be affected by the wrath of such supernatural creatures.

However, as stated before, there is no way of knowing if such a thing is real or not, right? It's been eons since the last time someone even mentioned a dragon's presence in your kingdom, and it's been centuries that the concepts of dragons had fallen into the mythological category.

There hasn't been a single person to mention the beast's names in years. There was no visible way of them being remotely real, right? That sounded absurd.

But of course, like all tales are written, your's seem to have reached the beginning of your own personal adventure when the king mentioned the need of soldiers willing to face the beast inside the cave, who was presumably hibernating throughout this whole time.

And of course, the public had only laughed at this sort of news. You see, your king's authority over the entire land has been dangling by a thin thread. The taxes, the frauds, the imminent wars threatening to occur at any second now, has helped a small portion of people to start questioning if not downright rebelling against him and his reign of terror.

The revolution was rising slowly, yet something needed to push it forward, the straw that broke the camel's back.

"What could it be?" You might be wondering.

How about kidnapping and force recruitment with the help of blackmailing? Specifically targeting the poorest people in the kingdom and taking their family members hostage if they don't comply?

Sounds so evil that you may think it's bullshit right? So inhumane, that the villain of this story might as well be your crazy king, right?

Oh, [Y/N]. You're absolutely right, yet a little bit wrong considering that even if such an evil act sounds absurd, it's absolutely real. It's part of your reality now.

And even if your king is a vile creature of pure hatred and deserves to be fed to the rats, by being a terrible ruler, husband, and father- You were soon about to learn that there are worse, more powerful forces that can easily overpower the insanity of that sad, pathetic evil man.

To your dismay, your family was one of the chosen ones to suffer from this. Because of poverty, you and your father lived in the outskirts of the kingdom. It was perfect for the king and his soldiers, as you and your father lived distant from the main town, if any of you two ever die on the process of going into the beast's cave, or disobey the king's orders, no one would notice if you two were suddenly wiped from the face of the Earth.

And of course, holding hostage just one person was easier than multiple family members. Although your king was absolutely insane if not completely psychotic, you could at least understand how he moved his pieces in this massive game of chess.

I mean, yes, you understand his reasoning. Still doesn't mean he is right.

Soldiers didn't wait too long to show up and try to force your father to go with them. But you didn't take none of that, you wouldn't let your dying father be taken by them.

You screamed, you shout, you let venom spill out of your mouth by each profanity you threw at the soldiers and the king they claimed to serve. It didn't take long before the general noticed that you were one of the rascals forming a rebellion. Well, you didn't really need to be officially part of the revolution, just disagreeing was enough to make the general decide to take you instead of your old father.

You can still remember how he was trying to scream his lungs out, to stop the soldiers somehow.

This was it, right? The day, for you and possibly all these other commoners to die in the name of an asshole. How honoring.

Among you and other miserably unlucky individuals, there were all kinds of different people. From innocent, to criminals. From young to old, from poor to… Well, mildly not as poor. Nobles would never be subjected to this, you know that. All of these individuals were carried away by a carriage. All crammed into one little vehicle, away from the public sight.

After being far enough from the town and now deep within the forest, the soldiers commanded all of you to get out of the carriage as now you'll begin to walk straight to the mountain while carrying… Gold?

"- It's a gift from the king. Survive long enough, and you'll be able to take it with you." The general said, his tone being condescending as ever.

You could…. Technically run away, right now. They haven't really put any restrains in any of you-

"- Over there!" A soldier alerted the general, who looked little surprised by seeing two of your group running away with the gold in hands.

Without hesitation, or even a slight hint of empathy, the general shot both with his crossbow. Their bodies fall flat in the forest ground, with all that gold and jewelry accompanying them. All that gold being wasted and left behind, just like the bodies of the people carrying them.

You felt sick, the need to vomit was surfacing through your stomach. This- This is terrible!? This is so cruel! How can they continue to walk like nothing happened??

God, how did a once prospering kingdom has now fallen in such a low pit?

As you can imagine, the walk was torturous and it felt like it was going forever. Of course, a lot of questions were emerging about the strange situation.

One: how did the king know and was certain that the myth of the dragon was real and that the dragon was awake?

Two: why didn't he call his own army to attend to such issues instead of the common folk being forced to go with his wishes?

Actually, now that you think about it, why are there so few skilled, trained soldiers taking a bunch of people to a cave unprepared?

Carrying a bunch of gold for fucks sake, this stuff is heavy!

If it was truly a gift from the king to your group, then why were you obligated to carry it all the way to the cave? Sounds unreasonable and if anything, absolutely ridiculous. It would only slow your group down, and for what?!

Sounds like a trap to be…. Honest. Wait a minute-

"- Shit!" You whisper to yourself at the sudden realization that you're fucked, which unfortunately, caused a soldier that was near you to hear it.

"- Nothing sir, I just stabbed my foot in a rock." You weren't lying though. This whole walk bullshit your doing has destroyed your low quality sandals, and now you could basically feel the ground stabbing you every time you stept.

The soldier just grunted at you, and as much as you wished to take his sword and shove it up his bum, you couldn't help but go back to your original train of thought before you got interrupted.

You were going straight to death right? You're not supposed to fight a dragon, but rather serve as an offering?? What?!

You can't even speak or alert your fellow companions in any way. The last three people that have spoken without being directed to, were shot in the head.

The realization has sadly come in too late for you to make any plans now, as you forward as your group walk upwards, following the mountain's trail, you find yourself facing not only the entrance to a presumably dangerous cave infested with predators, but also the gates to your inevitable death.

You would now have to think of how to escape the soldiers and their arrows, or how to possibly make your death less painful. Being eaten by a dragon doesn't sound really fun.

When entering the cave you're met with more-

"- Are you fucking kidding me?!" Someone screamed, while easily accepting their death.

You couldn't help but agree with the person. While entering the cave, you're met with a great ravine, going in a spiral fashion deeper into the cave.

In other words, you have not only walked all the way up to a fucking mountain, but you would now need to get down into a creepy cave.

You almost considered asking for some eternal peace before remembering that your father's life was still in line. You just… Don't want to go away like this, you don't want your father to go like this.

And once again your group, that was now a lot shorter due to the amount of deaths along the way, was now following the general once again. Only this time, the soldiers were behind all of you, probably to guarantee no one ran away. Too late for that now anyway, so why even bother?

You didn't realize how you were on the very front of everyone, side by side with the man that was leading you to your doom.

You felt his eyes fall into your form a couple of times, but he never really turned his face to look at you. After a long silence of just a bunch of miserable people stepping closer to a terrible plan that was not well thought-out, he said:

"- You know it already. Right?" His voice was rough and still held the nonchalant tone that was written all over his face. You doubt this man could have ever smiled once in his life.

You almost choked with your own breathing, the nerve of this man! You couldn't help but let out the only thing you have wanted to say this whole time:

"- I hate you." You say as your eyes start to become a little watery. The feeling of desperation was eating you up ever since you entered the carriage, but only now you felt how bad the teeth of despair hurt.

"- I know kid. Me too." He responded, his tone never changed, even while saying that.

You guess he didn't really appreciate his job as much as you thought he did. Yet, you couldn't find in your heart to pity the man, as he was complicit in all of this mess. But I guess, you do hope for this man to find some sort of redemption, either presently or in his after life.

You still think he did a lot of bad things of course, his crimes are probably never gonna be forgiven. But just because of that, it didn't mean he couldn't start to do some good actions now, not for the sake of finding inner forgiveness, but for the sake of others. For the sake of the innocent people being not only met with unfair treatment, but also being ruled by a psychotic tyrant who is a complete imbecile. No wonder the queen and his son were missing for so long, you would probably have run away if you were them too.

When finally coming down, with your feet now hurting like a bitch, you can find some time for yourself to appreciate the beauty of this place.

You know, before you lose your head? To a freaking dragon??

Honestly, you at least hope that the stories you read were true, because holy fuck- Imagine how exhausted your body is from walking for what it feels like an eternity, holding jewelry made with gold, only to find an empty cave?

Then you would be able to go feral kill one or two soldiers before getting your ass beaten. As you don't have enough reason to just do that right now, right?

You expected to be met with disappointment, but what you truly saw while finally getting into the dragon's territory, you were able to not only feel enchanted by the magnitude of these treasure places, but also forget the danger of the situation, as you look around and remember the tales you read.

This is so much better than what you have imagined it to be like. It's… Mesmerising! It 's beautiful! The underground pond, the glowing crystals, the pile of gold, the stolen statues of the great warriors of your kingdom, golden weapons all scattered across the floor, the white feathered looking dragon staring down at you from his nest, that little tea set that is really cute and fragile yet it probably cost way more than your house, your clothes, and all of your furniture all together.

Oh no wait-

"- We came with what you asked for, Artemio." Said the general fast walking his way to be in between you and the beast.

To say you were freaking out would be an understatement. You knew dragons were huge, but you didn't expect it to be so… Huge! You know??

Oh my God, you're dead-

You looked around to see only you, your group of commoners ready to be probably eaten, and the general. And while looking for the soldiers, you noticed them trying to close the opening with a man built gate, created to keep the beast.

But obviously, that gate looks absolutely ridiculous, there is no way this guy couldn't destroy it by simply slapping it. It's quite laughable, yet…

You feel this is not just a coincidence or a bad made joke. You have a feeling they know the gate is essentially useless. It was really old, so, clearly this has been going on from quite some time.

Has… Has your kingdom been doing this for centuries?? Bringing offerings to please the dragon and beg it to sleep for more centuries to come?

"- This is absolute bullshit!" You screamed, not noticing how your heart was racing and your breathing had started to become frantic. You were panicking while coming to terms with the fact that your whole world was collapsing in front of your eyes. Your scream clearly surprised your fellow companions, yet it didn't surprise the dragon or the general.

The dragon had, well, a dragon face, so you have no idea what it was thinking, and the general was still with the same non-expressive face since the beginning of this stupid trip!

"- What?! You have nothing to say?? You brought us here to die, at least say something, you coward!" You were fuming with rage. How can a person like this be so annoying even when he is not saying anything.

He looks at you with an understanding expression, yet you don't think about what it could mean as you reach to one of the many golden weapons spread around across the floor. They were heavy and quite frankly completely useless, yet you still hold into that golden sword like your life depended on it.

And it did, actually.

Have you gone insane or just completely blind with rage and the instinct of survival? You're not sure just yet, but you'll lose your last bit of sanity to stand your ground.

You aren't going down without a fight.

"- Come at me, you big bird!" You yelled, looking kinda epic and kinda goofy at the same time. You probably shouldn't insult a dragon who hasn't decided who he'll first, it may change his appetite.

Before the general could interfere with your foolish behavior, the one and only had spoken:

"- Where exactly is what we had agreed on?" Like in true entitled brat fashion, Artemio asked the general while putting his head in his pawn.

"- We had to eliminate a couple of the troublemakers. In the end some of the gold was left behind in the progress-"

"- No, I mean, where truly is what I asked for? The jewelry is quite frankly ugly, the gold coins don't matter as I already have plenty, and none of these humans look really edible. Or well… Appetising." You could swear a pouty face was appearing in Artemio's face, yet only one thing had taken your attention. That's the reason why they needed so many disposable people? Oh… Wait a minute, did the dragon just call everyone here too ugly to eat?

"- If you can't compromise with your promises, then I think we'll have to change the deal-" Artemio started getting up from his nest, stretching out like a cat.

"- Oh, please no, can't you just-" The general panicked, thinking that the dragon would destroy the village.

"- I want that one." Artemio said. Pointing at you.

"- What?" You looked behind you just in case you were in the way of someone else. No, you weren't.

"- Uhn… What?" Oh look, even the general was confused as you, and well, the entire cast of people that were thrown in this hell hole.

"- Yes, that one holding the spear."

"- Just… That one, or-"

"- Just that one. And I won't get out of the cave for at least a century, I promise!" He sounds and acts like both a child and a cat, preparing himself to pounce on its prey any moment now.

"- ….. Okay then, fair enough. It's your problem now kid." He said, making a motion for all the other captives to follow him. Which they gladly did, because, you know, they aren't the protagonist of the story.

"- What?! You can't leave me here, you bastard!!" You screamed, although subconsciously you already knew his answer.

"- I think I'm just doing that!" He screamed from the other side of the cave, fuckz they really didn't waste no time at all, did they?

Sigh, who are you kidding? If you were one of them, you would have ran away as fast as you could. At least some gave you sympathetic looks before going back to their "freedom".

You heard the heavy gate closing. Well, shit. It's you and him now.

You tried going back into your original threatening stance, but before you could, you saw a glimpse of Artemio coming in at full speed, taking no time to jump at you. This is it [Y/N], send your last prayers to your father and your old life before-

Before he starts licking you... like a dog? What?

He pauses and you tense up, looking up and seeing a dragon powerful enough to destroy villages, looking at you like a precious little gift.

Artemio picks you up and hugs you in an almost bone breaking hug. Confused and frustrated with how the situation was going, you asked:

"- A-Aren't you going to kill me?" Yes, it was a pathetic question, if a dragon isn't killing you, then why ask it to do it??

"- I have been so lonely since the last human that I chose! I usually prefer to have many friends around but all of the other options seemed so boring, you know?" His voice is oddly cheerful and sweet to someone that sees humans as pets, or "friends". So… What is really going on here?

"- I thought you ate people." You said, still frustrated that you were betrayed and lied to through this entire day.

"- Well, I guess I can eat humans-" Says the giant bird-lizard acting like a child trying to lie about doing something wrong- "- But I really don't like doing it, I promise!"

"- I just wanted someone to play with, you know? All the dragons that I know are just so boring and take everything seriously." He huffed in annoyance.

"- Well… Do you-" You started questioning if you really want to to know the answer, but curiosity sure is killing this cat!- "- What happened to the other humans that were here?"

"- Oh, they… Uhn, they died, because of your shirt lifespan and all ya know." He responded.

"- Oh… Then why did the soldiers bring us here saying you were going to eat us?" Why not go full balls in and ask everything, right?

"- It's- Sigh, it's really embarrassing, but I didn't know any other way of how to ask for company down here." He said shyly, which only confirmed your suspicion of this being complete bullshit.

"- And you threaten to burn a whole kingdom just because of that?" You asked.

"- Yes!" He answered with no shame whatsoever. This guy was a dog wearing a dragon costume, you couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"- Sigh, oh my God…"

"- Hey, uhn, what's your name?" Artemio spoke, he thought that he should also ask questions as he wants to be able to enjoy every second with his new pet.

"- It is [Y/N]. And you're Artemio, right?" You can't believe any of this, really. You went from an absolutely terrible life or death situation, to a… Well, you can't even tell what the hell is going on anymore!

"- [Y/N].... [Y/N]! [Y/N], that's such a good name!" The excited dragon repeated your name multiple times before interrupting your peace once again. You can't be mad at him, but-

Come on, you needed some time to accept everything that just went down. You didn't even notice you were on the floor until Artemio was in front of your view again.

"- [Y/N]!" He was so easy to please, that just saying your name was fun to him.

"- Sigh… Hey Artemio." You sighed as there was no way in hell this dragon would leave you to deal with this weird feeling of emptiness arising in your chest.

"- What do you want to do now?" He asked cheerfully, but not completely oblivious to your feelings of being abandoned underground with him by force.

You stayed silent for a second, again, trying to come with terms with this new lifestyle that you were subjected to. You technically could ask Artemio to open the gate, he doesn't seem to have any intention of hurting you. But who knows? He has a different point of view in this whole thing than you do.

Silence was taking over the cave, but not exactly an awkward silence, just… A comforting one.

The water dripped from the ceiling. You felt the ground underneath you shake a little as Artemio followed your "guidance". He decided to lay on his back near you.

He wasn't really doing any self reflection at all, he just wanted to join in with you, yet all he could think is how happy he is to have someone else to spend time with.

You may only see him slightly from the corner of your eyes, yet you still feel a little, strange, by seeing a dragon mimic your ways.

You don't feel nessecerally homesick, but you do miss your father. You absolutely hate the idea of coming back to the kingdom, but… If you could see your father one last time, and probably help him with the gold that is in this place….

Maybe you could even-!.....

"- Artemio."

"- Yes, [Y/N]!*

"- AAH!" He turned himself to meet your face so fast that you whimpered because of his sudden motion.

He was going to check if you were okay, but you stopped him showing that you were fine, just a little spooked.

"- Hey, Artemio-" You said again, as you were still reformulating your question in your head-

"- Do you know how to burn an entire castle?"

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere #sheep stuff #yandere oc #sheep's stuff #yandere x reader #yandere oc fanfiction #yandere oc x reader #yandere dragon #yandere dragon x reader #yandere dragon fanfiction #yandere fanfiction #yandere fanfic #yandere monster #yandere monster fanfiction #special delivery request #special delivery fanfictions

190 notes · View notes

rchtoziers · 4 years

Note

a kiss discretely, reddie ❤️

13. [a kiss] discreetly. (from this list)

ANYTHING FOR YOU MY LOVE XOXO

*waves a magic wand* eddie and also stan survived and they kicked the fuck out of the clown and won because uh *spins wheel* i said so

also uh this got way out of hand before we even got to the kiss major whoops on my part ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Listen, Eddie’s a risk analyst, so he understands when something is a bad fucking idea.

He knows the facts: he quite literally just finalized his divorce, he’s still in physical therapy and has a long way to go, he’s got a whole childhood’s worth of repressed memories that he now needs to work out in therapy, and up until three months ago he wasn’t even able to think about standing up without crying.

So, logically, he knows he should probably deal with one or two or all of those things before he starts a new relationship. Logically.

Logic goes out the fucking window, though, the second Eddie looked up one day at Richie and realized he’d been in love with him ever since they were kids.

Really, his only probable next step was to grab a fistful of Richie’s shirt and tug him down into a kiss they’d both been waiting for forever.

Lucky for Eddie, Richie is really easy to persuade after one or two or a hundred kisses, which is why it takes approximately two seconds after Eddie timidly asks, “Is it okay if we don’t tell anyone about this just yet? Just for a little bit?” for Richie to nod and sag his shoulders in relief as he ducks down to kiss Eddie again and again.

If Eddie’s being completely honest, he’s shocked they’ve managed to keep it a secret for so long.

Things just keep coming up.

Stan and Patty announce that they’re finally gonna have a baby, and what are Richie and Eddie supposed to do, steal their thunder? Then Bill announces his own divorce and really, it doesn’t come as a surprise, but Richie and Eddie certainly can’t rub their happiness in his face, it would be rude. They’ve finally reached a quiet point, about a month into… whatever this is when all their friends have stopped having big news, but the day they decide to text the group chat is the literal exact same day that Bev and Ben announce they’re getting married over the weekend and everyone is expected to be in attendance.

And Eddie is happy for his friends, genuinely, he’s not that big of an asshole, but the whole thing is really inconvenient for him and it honestly just gets worse when he catches sight of Richie in his best man’s tux. Eddie can’t exactly jump Richie at the wedding, so, again. Inconvenient.

Richie’s delighted laughter when Eddie flushes red at the sight of him then turns on his heel to leave the room will echo in Eddie’s ears for many years to come, however, and it almost makes it worth it.

“Dance with me,” Richie murmurs against the shell of Eddie’s ear, a few songs after Beverly and Ben’s first dance, when everyone else is on the dance floor and no one is sparing them a second glance.

“That’s not exactly discreet, Rich,” Eddie reminds him.

But Richie just laughs and twines his fingers with Eddie’s to tug him forward. “Everyone else is dancing, it would look weird if we didn’t join,” Richie says. “Plus it’s an upbeat song, so. Logistically speaking, we’re fine.”

Eddie can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of him. “You’re not using that word right.”

“Ooh, please teach me more about logistics, Eds, it really gets me going,” Richie croons. He spins Eddie around dramatically when they both make it onto the dance floor, ridiculous and charming as ever.

“I hate you,” Eddie sighs, but it doesn’t take much convincing to get him to move across the floor with Richie in exceedingly ridiculous ways. He’s sure his feelings are written clearly across his face for anyone to see, but for once Eddie doesn’t really care.

The song changes to a slow one, and before Eddie can even really understand it, Richie is wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and turning him slowly. It’s only natural for Eddie’s hands to fall onto Richie’s shoulders, even with those infuriating four inches of height that Richie’s got on him.

He raises an eyebrow when Richie catches his gaze.

“Bev and Ben haven’t looked away from one another, like, at all tonight,” Richie murmurs. “No one is gonna be looking at us.”

Eddie ducks his face into Richie’s neck to hide his grin. It strikes him right below his chest, sometimes, how romantic Richie can be without even trying. He thinks he could live in this moment forever and they’d both be just fine.

“You know, a lot of relationships start at weddings,” Eddie says conversationally. “Wouldn’t be much of a stretch for our friends to assume this is when we got together.”

He can feel the rumble of Richie’s laughter from where they’re pressed chest to chest. “Edward Kaspbrak, are you suggesting that we lie to our friends and tell them that this was the night I finally convinced you to be my boyfriend? Has the last month meant nothing to you?”

Eddie’s certain his grin would be enough to light up this whole venue if the power were to go out right now. He raises his head and looks Richie in the eye. “Boyfriend?” he repeats.

“What are you, twelve?” Richie asks. “Are we not dating?”

Eddie thinks he’s happy enough that he could burst into flames right now, everyone else be damned. “You’ve never called me that before, god forbid if I’m a little excited to hear it. Jesus Christ.”

“What do you want me to call you?” Richie asks, and his laughter is bubbly and bright when Eddie groans. “No, seriously, what else would I call you? My lover? The stars in my sky? My fiancé? My angel of the morning? I could pull a Stanley and call you my babylove.”

“Fiancé?” Eddie repeats, incredulous. “We’ve been together for a month, Richie.”

“I believe it’s called u-hauling in the gay community, Eduardo, learn your terminology.”

“I hate you,” Eddie sighs.

Richie lifts a hand and brushes his thumb along Eddie’s jaw. “I love you,” he says seriously, like it’s not the first time he’s said it out loud to Eddie. Like he’s said it a thousand times before.

“Did you seriously just say that for the first time at our best friends’ wedding?” Eddie asks. “Are you serious right now? What happened to us not wanting to take the spotlight away from our friends, Richie! This is why we’ve kept our mouths shut for a month!”

“Yeesh, you don’t have to say it back, I just needed to get it off my chest, god damn.”

“Of course I love you,” Eddie tells him. “I’ve been in love with you for eons. I wouldn’t have kissed you a month ago if I wasn’t so in love with you I thought I was gonna stop breathing if I didn’t kiss you. You’re it for me, asshole. Past, present, and future. Of course I love you.”

“Of course,” Richie repeats. His voice is faint; he looks a little shell-shocked.

Eddie softens. There’s a curl at the base of Richie’s neck that he tugs on affectionately. “I’m sorry if I ever did anything to make you think I didn’t love you so much it was eating me alive,” he says.

Richie laughs, startled. Bright. In love. Eddie wants to kiss him senseless. “God, it’s really fucking obnoxious that I can’t kiss you right now.”

“I was literally just thinking the same thing,” Eddie says. He takes a quick glance around the room. No one is looking at them, and even if they were, Eddie isn’t sure he’d even care. He presses up on his toes and captures Richie’s mouth in a brief, tender kiss.

Richie’s smiling before he even pulls away.

“That was pretty sneaky, 007,” Richie tells him. “I think we should give it another go.”

“Don’t push your luck,” Eddie warns.

Richie pulls him impossibly closer. “Oh, baby, all my luck got put towards making you fall in love with me, I don’t have any left. And hell, I don’t need it.”

“You’re so cheesy,” Eddie whines, but he tightens his grip around Richie’s neck anyway. The song is coming to a close and he knows they don’t have much time left, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t enjoy this for all it’s worth.

“It’s a wedding, it’s supposed to be cheesy,” Richie argues.

Eddie kisses Richie’s throat, the closest spot he can reach. Since he knows no one can see it. Since he knows that Richie loves him back.

#reddie #richie #eddie #my writing #stanbarbers #answered #whoop this ended up being 1.4k words. Will I Ever Shut Up #ANYWAY #I HOPE THIS IS CUTE #AND NOT TERRIBLE #LOVE U GABBY XOXO #<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

309 notes · View notes

tamakiamajikistentacles · 4 years

Text

In The Quiet {Eijirou Kirishima}

A/N: Please be sure to reblog, comment, review, and like if you enjoy! Feedback is what keeps me motivated! Apologies if there are a few inconsistencies with the movie, I haven’t seen it since its opening night back in February! This was mostly written as a self-indulgent piece because I’ve been super stressed and anxious lately, and I think sometimes just saying you’re afraid is a big step.

She took a deep breath and focused on the mushroom in her shaking palm. It was the last one, she reminded herself. One last mushroom for the miso that would be served to the island’s residents in the morning. They’d long since retired to bed and the class had formulated a plan for the next day, but she’d felt there was more work to be done.

The mushroom began to split apart like an optical illusion with a mirror, blooming left and right as it peeled untouched in opposite directions. In less than a minute there were two identical mushrooms in her hand and her vision was beginning to blur.

“You didn’t need to make thirty extra,” the voice of Sato chided gently as her eyes closed to stop the dizziness.

“N-no, s’better that I did,” she breathed. “That’ll make five extra pots of soup in the morning s-so there won’ be a need to ration as m-much.”

He frowned. “You overworked yourself pretty badly; you need rest for tomorrow.”

“S’okay,” she said with a shake of her head, grimacing when she realized how much worse it made her feel. “Gotta make sure th’ plan’s ready, war room’s waitin’.”

She dropped the mushrooms into the small crate she’d been filling for the last forty minutes or so and stumbled to the doorway, Sato following closely. Out in the hallway she braced her hand against the cool metal and slowly trekked to the small office room they had all met in earlier in the night as the storm outside had raged. The thunder and lightning had dissipated, but the tense atmosphere hadn’t.

When she reached the room she slumped in the doorway, all eyes of the few lingering classmates turning to her as Sato steadied her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Sero? Ur’aka? Wanna talk?”

The two exchanged a look before waving her over, then thinking better of it when she took a shaky step, went to her.

Kirishima watched them go to his girlfriend, brows furrowed in concern as he half listened to Iida go over their team’s plan for the seventh time. She looked pale and sick, her body trembling enough that he could see it from across the room. He could tell that she’d massively overdone it with her quirk and was likely on the verge of passing out.

“Hey uh, Kirishima?”

He snapped from his thoughts to see Sato in front of him apologizing to Iida, Todoroki, and Tsu for taking him aside. They didn’t fight it, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to focus with her looking the way she did.

“What happened?” he asked as they stepped away.

Sato sighed. “I found her in the kitchen multiplying food for the morning. She made enough for at least five extra pots of miso which is easily thirty-five or forty more portions because she thought it would help not to ration as much since the residents are gonna be in for a long day too.”

He closed his eyes and blew out a breath. Part of him wanted to be mad that she’d pushed herself far past what she knew her limit was, but the much larger part of him knew that he would’ve done the exact same thing if he could. Being a hero meant helping others and going Plus Ultra to do it.

Opening his eyes he gave Sato a weak smile. “Thanks for telling me, man. I’ll… I’ll make sure she gets some rest.”

They bid each other goodnight and he walked to where she stood with Sero and Uraraka discussing their roles for the next day in slurred syllables strung together with a tired tongue. Their classmates watched her warily, ready to catch her if she collapsed.

He slipped an arm around her waist and her body sagged against his in recognition, bleary eyes glancing up to meet his with a lopsided smile sliding across her lips.

“Hey, you two mind if I steal her?” he asked.

Sero shook his head. “No worries, I think we’re good for tomorrow. Have a good night, yeah?”

Uraraka smiled and quietly joined Midoriya at the table where the island’s map was still spread out with scribbled plans marking the canvas.

Not wanting as many eyes on them, Kirishima dropped his arm from her shoulders to place his hand on the small of her back and steered her back into the hallway so they could talk privately. Once they were a few meters away from the office he began to speak with cautious words.

“Sato said you multiplied a bunch more ingredients for the morning.”

“Mhm.”

“You had the energy to do that after multiplying what we had to make dinner?”

Her head lolled from side to side. “Don’t want anyone goin’ hungry.”

“Your heart’s too big sometimes,” he chuckled fondly.

“One’a talk, aren’t ya?” she replied.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he admitted. “The fact that Todoroki and I are taking the next shift to watch the villain we captured and stand guard probably doesn’t help my case. I should actually go back in and grab him, we have to meet Mina and Shoji downstairs soon. You should head to bed.”

She blinked. “No, ‘m waiting for you.”

“You need rest to get your energy back up for the morning,” he said quietly, feeling her slump against him. “C’mon, I’ll take you up to the room you girls are sharing before I go on shift.”

She shook her head. “I’ll wait up w’ you, s’only an hour. Then we’ll sleep.”

“No, you’re dead on your feet,” he replied. “Plus I can’t stay anyway, I don’t wanna make the others feel awkward being in the room with all of you. Look on the bright side, it’s only one night.”

“But it migh’ be the last one.”

He froze, her words sending an uncomfortable shiver down his spine.

It… could be the last night, couldn’t it? He’d brushed off one night spent apart, not even considering there was a possibility they wouldn’t reconvene for the next. Was he spoiled with the routine of having her pressed against him beneath the blankets that he couldn’t fathom it never happening again?

Working as heroes in training while so young made them walk such a fine line in so many aspects of their lives. On one hand he knew how dangerous their current situation was with the lack of Pro’s to back them up and that there was a very real and high likelihood that injuries were going to happen. On the other, he wholeheartedly expected them to be okay, to be able to return to classes and the dorms and their routines.

He expected to be alive twenty-four hours from now.

But she was right, it was a possibility that one of them or even both of them wouldn’t be.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he tried to figure out the right thing to say. “I… we sh—”

“I jus’ wanna be close to you,” she said tearfully. “I can pr-pretend s’okay if you’re wi’ me.”

“Believe me, I want to be close to you too!” he said desperately. “But I have a patrol with Todoroki in a few minutes and you need to sleep, baby. You’re practically asleep standing here and-and even though I don’t want to sleep apart either, there’s not much we can do.”

“Can’t do this righ’ now.”

He could see the gathering shine on her lash line and felt utterly helpless as she pushed past him to reenter the office once again. He tilted his head back with a deep sigh and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. The stress of the day had already had a headache forming but the last ten minutes had amplified it.

“Hey.”

The gruff voice from his right made him jump, dropping his hands to turn and face Bakugo who was leaned against the wall. Despite the unimpressed look on his face, Kirishima could tell he’d heard the end of their conversation at the very least.

“She looks like shit.”

“She’s exhausted. Sato told me she multiplied enough food for at least thirty or forty extra portions to serve the islanders tomorrow.”

Bakugo rolled his eyes. “Of course she did; wouldn’t be your fuckin’ girlfriend if she wasn’t pulling some selfless shit.”

He frowned. “Do you have to be so rude just because she wants to help? Especially when we’re all on edge? C’mon, man. It’s bad enough I can’t be with her tonight when she’s not feeling her best on top of every other damn thing going on, so can you just stop?”

Bakugo stayed silent and his glare was steady. He wasn’t angry, not at Kirishima or his girlfriend but the entire goddamn shitshow situation this work assignment had morphed into. It felt like eons had gone by since he had been shyly asked for the millionth time if he was sure it was fine for her to come to their room at the lodge and share the bed with her boyfriend. He didn’t care—it wasn’t like either of them had the courage to screw around when he was barely a meter away—but he did notice how much better his best friend slept when she was tucked under his arm.

Between that fact and the easy assumption that she was probably the same way, he made up his mind.

“I’ll take your shift. Go to the office two doors down from the girls’ room, you’ll find a futon where you two can sleep.”

Kirishima’s brows furrowed. “What are you talking about? You’re still hurt and why would there even be a futon in—”

“I wasn’t gonna sleep half on top of the rest of you assholes like we did at training camp so I found myself my own room but if she needs you, take it. And it doesn’t fuckin’ matter if I’m hurt, heroes push past pain to get shit done.”

“But where will you sleep if we take that room? I’m grateful for the offer but I don’t want us to take away the rest you need.”

Bakugo sighed in frustration. “The couch in the meeting room probably pulls out, its fine, now just go to her, fuck!”

He wouldn’t say it aloud, but he had heard her sleepy slur of how it may be their last night together and the heart everyone assumed was made of stone broke just a bit. Like hell was anyone dying if he had anything to say about it, least of all those two, but if she was worried it wouldn’t help her mental state in the fight that was waiting for them at daybreak. He wanted her sharp, that was the biggest reason for his generosity. It certainly outweighed the fact that his best friend and his girlfriend were disgustingly important to him and he wanted them happy.

“Thanks, Bakugo,” Kirishima said softly. “I really appreciate this.”

The blonde turned away and crossed his arms, ignoring the urge to wince. “Don’t read into it.”

Before anything else could be said he was trudging down the hallway and around the corner to the stairwell. For all his yelling and generally poor attitude he could be kind when he felt the people closest to him needed it most, but he’d be damned if he stuck around for more than a single word of thanks.

With a shake of his head Kirishima turned back to the office and walked in to find Uraraka sitting beside her on the small couch where Yaoyorozu had laid earlier in the night. Eyes red from exhaustion and what looked like a few tears blinked up at him blearily.

“Hey,” he greeted softly, thumbs brushing away the half-dried tear tracks. “Got a little surprise for ya.”

She cocked her head to the side but didn’t object, standing up on wobbly legs with a supportive hand on her lower back from Uraraka. He draped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her close to his side, throwing a grateful glance in the other girl’s direction.

“Thank you for sitting with her.”

Uraraka smiled sadly. “Take care of her, Kirishima.”

He nodded, a tiny grin allowing the tip of one pointed tooth to peek out.

She waved them off as she went back to Midoriya, and he set out towards the opposite staircase that Bakugo had taken with her by his side. He half carried her up the dozen or so stairs before they had another expanse of hallway to walk, her weight nothing when she had to lean on him.

“Where we goin’?”

He smiled. “Bakugo got us a private room.”

Humming in confusion or acknowledgement—he wasn’t sure which—she closed her eyes, cheek pressed firmly against his bicep as he led her past the office the girls were going to share for the night. Stopping two rooms down just as he’d been told, Kirishima pushed the door open to see filing cabinets against the far wall and a desk that had been pushed to the side to accommodate the futon in the middle of the room.

Shuffling her in his arms, he lightly kicked the door closed behind them and put them into semi-darkness as he moved them farther into the room. He let her lean back against the desk as he removed her utility belt, boots, and the bulkier vest of her hero costume, then removed his own accessories, both his headpiece and shoulder gears set onto the desk next to her belt and vest, boots tossed aside with her smaller ones.

“Time to get some sleep,” he murmured, guiding her to lie down on the futon. The limited light from the corridor through the paneled window of the office door cast dull shadows over them both.

She curled up on her right side almost immediately, her body drawn to the far side so that he had a perfect space to slot himself behind her. It was as if they were back at the lodge in his and Bakugo’s room, taking their places for the night to rest for the long day ahead. That part, at least, was still true.

The morning would bring the difference. There wouldn’t be time to wake up slowly like they liked, blankets cocooned around them and their legs entangled, lazy kisses and easy conversation shared. There would be redressing in their gear then parting to take their positions with Kirishima going to the forest and her to the open fields.

He tried desperately to push the thought of being apart from her out of his head but its claws dug in deep, hanging onto him like a heavy weight. It made him scramble to his place on the futon and pull her back against his chest, their breathing synching to match her slower, more even breaths as it helped him focus on warding off the panic attack looming.

In the quiet of the night it was always hard to chase away the fear and worries he held, and on this night it was so much worse. The dark thoughts intermingled with all of the things he loved about her, teetering him on the edge of what felt like insanity.

Her eyes were beautifully determined when she fought and he hoped with everything he had that he would be able to see that look in her eyes again in the future when they fought together as Pro’s and not as the permanent set of her gaze from a twisted and broken body unmoving at the peninsula’s entrance. Would he be able to look into lifeless eyes even if they were the same ones that would’ve once looked at him so fondly?

She had always hugged him close with arms far stronger than they looked and they made him feel safe and confident and cared for. He always prayed that she felt the same when his encircled her waist and pulled her close but tomorrow he wouldn’t be with her and she would be so far from him and those strong arms of hers might not be strong enough to withstand the force of Nine. What if they snapped, bone splintering through her skin?

There was a brightness in her smile that set his heart on fire and grew even more blindingly beautiful the closer they became to one another both as friends and partners. He desperately needed to see that brightness continue its growth as their relationship grew—how it would look the first time they exchanged I love you’s or the first time they were intimate. How… how would he live if he never saw it again?

Somehow she cared enough to be with him despite his insecurities and low class ranking and weird group of friends, so if it was him who fell in battle the next day, she would be devastated. Could he expect her to stay strong if she survived only for Iida or Todoroki to show her his battered body and apologize for bringing the news of his death?

In the stillness of the office, he shuddered. The worries would surely plague him until the exhaustion won out and follow him to his dreams, nightmarish possibilities knowing no bounds. It didn’t matter, he had to remind himself. He would rise with the sun and fight regardless. He wasn’t a hero fully recognized by Japan, but he would be a hero tomorrow when he would stand by his classmates to keep the island residents safe. His resolve was more solid than his quirk.

Kirishima tightened his hold around her waist and breathed in deeply.

“’M afraid, Eijirou,” she whispered.

He bit his lip. “So am I.”

A/N: Please be sure to reblog, comment, review, and like if you enjoy! Feedback is what keeps me motivated!

32 notes · View notes

overnightheartbeats · 5 years

Text

NAME: Marilyn NICKNAME: idk if I really have one? A lot of people call me Luna tho (last name) ooor ‘Mary’? I don’t even know why tho...reminds me too much of nursery rhymes lmfao AGE: 21 FACE CLAIM: n/a PRONOUNS: she/her HEIGHT: 5′3 BIRTHDAY: April 10

AESTHETIC: oh fuck, okay so many goddamn mugs (it’s like I’m a collector at this point), however these mugs are only for tea !!! My coffee = only iced pls, mf memes on my desk (got a ‘meme of the week’ whiteboard and all), pictures that reflect happy times everywhere on my wall (family, friends, etc.) - things that ‘spark joy’ if you will, Spanish music blasting everywhere..reminds me of home, birds, flowers, and superhero collectible figurines, a thick ass folder of people’s birthday/christmas/funny notes for a rainy day, water bottle decorated in different stickers that I like/represent me, journals on my desk..most unused (because too scared to ruin perfect beautiful journals), post it notes !!!, colorful pens and different coloring books, ooh and junk food everywhere

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Solamente Tú - Pablo Alborán

FAVORITE MUSE ( S ) YOU’VE WRITTEN: ooh tough, all of my muses have their own shenanigans going on but I think...Irvin, James, and tbh Danielle ?? lmfao (it’s hard to mention my female muses because I don’t have many opportunities to write them)

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON YOUR CURRENT MUSE ( THAT YOU ARE POSTING THIS ON ): Alicia was created on a whim tbh, actually now that I think about it...a lot of my muses are lol but anyways, I was thinking that I wanted to try something new but I always tend to take baby steps when it comes to writing. In this case, baby steps was..writing a muse who’s background didn’t start in Los Angeles, CA (lmfao do I even know another city..answer is no, I don’t). I figured I wanted to dive a little more with a female muse completely out of my comfort zone (and the characteristics that Alicia displays were new in a female muse of mine, they had only been displayed in some of my boys). Melissa was created on a whim as well, I had retired a few of my female muses because they were underused/collecting dust and I had said I would switch to an all male muse blog because that’s what was working/getting interactions/etc. buuuut I couldn’t bring myself to remove all of my girls so I decided to try again by adding new female muses and soooo it started with Melissa and then later, Alicia/Danielle/Laurel came to life (ish). James was created...eons ago when I had just started in the rpc, so TBH my mans was created because I love Nick Jonas and already had Irvin (who was inspired from an idea a friend gave me, I started in the rpc as a favor to her lmfao, long story) but anyways, yeah love Nick Jonas and thought Irvin could use a brother, so he came along..he was a sweetie at first, so nice..but life happened to him, now he’s an asshole haha

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE: I love that Alicia is one of the muses I have that is just..so unapologetic about everything she does. She is completely comfortable with who she is, what she does. She (and I can’t stress this enough) doesn’t care about what people think about her. I haven’t had a chance to explore much of her, but all I can say is that she’s very honest/blunt so she may come off as mean..but she does have a heart in there somewhere ?? Melissa..ahh this girl, I love/hate that she’s so forgiving !! Like...some of my other muses are too, but they’re unaware of how forgiving/kind they can be, but melissa?? My girl knows and she’ll STILL forgive time and time again !! It’s sweet and endearing in my opinion, though it gets on my nerves too lol (personal opinion of mine tho). James..that idiot boy of mine. I love that he’s loyal beyond belief, like....he could be an asshole, but he’s so loyal with friends/family/partners...it’s wild to me. I absolutely love him for it tho.

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING: biggest inspiration ?? It depends, but mostly music ?? I love listening to upbeat music, usually Spanish music. It’s weird but when I have to write/read in English, I have to listen to Spanish music so I can concentrate aaaand when I read/write in Spanish, it’s the opposite? My brain haha but anyways, yes music !! I also really enjoy taking walks through campus or just walks in the neighborhood (this school may be killing me, but the campus sure is beautiful) sooo yeah when I’m getting frustrated with drafts/my writing, a walk helps :)

FAVORITE TYPES OF THREADS: Angst for sure..hands down. I thrive in pain lmfao...i don’t know what else to say about them, I’ve noticed that not many of my muses are in touch with their feelings, or I should say..not comfortable with them (in varying degrees) but angst tends to put them in spots where they kind of have to work with it ?? reminds me of something we say at my job, ‘challenge by choice’ (except that here..the choice is mine lmao)

BIGGEST STRUGGLE IN REGARDS TO YOUR CURRENT MUSE: uhhh...Alicia can be mean, or she comes off as mean at least I think so. Another struggle? I feel like this is general for me, but I’m not as confident in my ability to write with my female muses which hurts my soul because I love them. I just feel like I don’t really get the chance to develop them as much as my boys. Like my boys, y’all can throw anything at them and I’ll be confident-ish at it, but I take so much time with my girls because not much development for them.

tagged by: the beautiful souls @refcrmist and @goxinsane !! tagging: @cursivebloodlines, @stxrroving, @fxllingdcwn, @hopelesswxnderers, @inaglassbox, @roscgoldcn, anyone else reading this !!

#{the sky's awake so I'm awake}#about me tho #about James #About Melissa #About Alicia #lmfao this got hella long #thanks for tagging me tho !!!!

2 notes · View notes

goy-bullshit-translator · 6 years

Note

I'm not the anon who asked about Purim but what is the Purim story?

ALRIGHTY *cracks knuckles* I got off mobile and on desktop for this so you know it’s serious.

Purim Story: They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.

The year is 367 BCE. The town is Shushan, Persia. The scene zooms in on a large castle in the middle, big, decadent, just the right amount of finery and prestige for a king who’s a complete asshole. The king Ahashverous is sitting on his throne, lording over his subjects in the way only a completely pompous and detached king can. His wife Vashti is off in her rooms, chilling, doing something, enjoying her queenly life. King Ahashverous decides he’s in the mood to party, so calls up all his dudebro friends, they’re chilling, dancing, drinking, having a great time, when King A gets this great idea to call his wife Vashti down for a little entertainment, a little dancing for his guests. Wearing only her crown. So, for reasons obvious to all but the most entitled frat boy (Ahashverous), Vashti declines and refuses to do as he asked. He gets super pissed by this and demands her killed, which is promptly followed out. Vashti is out of the picture and villianized in children’s purim skits for eons to come.

So the King is sitting there, having just disposed of his unruly wife, when he realizes he needs a new queen. Well shit, how’s he gonna get one on such short notice? He calls up his right hand man, his advisor Haman (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO), and tells him to go fetch all the women of Shushan, as he will hold a beauty contest and whoever wins will have the blessing of being the King’s wife.

Enter Esther, a young Jewish girl, orphaned at a young age and who has grown up with her uncle Mordechai (THE JEWISH GUY), who works in the Palace. She’s young, sweet, innocent and pretty, so of course she’s a prime subject for the King’s beauty contest. She shows up, struts her stuff, and lo and behold, the king has a new wife! They get married, and she’s trapped in a world of pompous royalty and anti-semitism. Oh yeah, no one knows she’s Jewish.

Meanwhile, Mordechai, on his daily trip to the palace, overhears two guards, gossiping about how they’re gonna murder the king, just gonna kill him brutally and painfully and all that good stuff. So, let’s be real, the king probably deserves this, but that’s besides the point. Mordechai is shocked and appalled, and rushes immediately to notify the court of this impending murder plot, the guards are taken and executed, and life goes back to normal.

Mordechai continues his walk around his Shushan town, when he happens to cross paths with Haman (BOOOOOOOOOO). Haman, being the asshole he is, insists that everyone who he walks past must bow to him. Mordechai, being the Jew that he is, refuses. Now Haman fucking hates this. If Mordechai won’t bow to him, then all the Jews won’t bow to him, so he must not be the most important person in the world and that’s simply not permissible. So he sidles up to his personal pal the king and is like “hey. hey bud. hey my dude my pal there are people who don’t respect my authority or yours. They won’t bow to me what kind of filthy rats.” and the king’s all “holy shit there are people who wont bow to you we gotta do something!!” and H*man smiles and goes “yeah dude i got the perfect solution. Let’s just kill them. Kill them all. There’s no way that could go wrong.” And the king, (who’s probably still drunk), is like “Yeah dude sounds cool!!”, and willingly signs off on the order to murder all the Jews. Now, H*man is a little bastard who doesn’t give a shit about what he’s doing, so in order to decide when he’ll commit this mass murder, he rolls some dice, called Purim, to choose a date. (Hopefully you see the obvious connection to the holiday). The dice land on the 14th of Adar, the decree is made and sent out into the city, and the Jews of Shushan collectively go “oh fuck we’re gonna die.”

Back to our good pal Mordechai, who’s walking around Shushan again (he seems to go on a lot of walks), when he notices one of the posters declaring the murders of the Jews, and is like SHIT SHIT SHIT WAIT my niece lives in the palace. She’s the gotdamn queen. She’s gotta have some sort of power, right? So he runs over to visit Esther, and is like Esther sweetie babe please go talk to your husband please make him reconsider mass murder maybe? Thanks? and Esther’s all “what the fuck i haven’t seen my husband since the wedding if i enter his quarters without an invitation i’ll be fucking murdered” and mordechai, who’s had enough of his niece’s wishy washy shit, goes “YOU”RE GONNA GET FUCKING MURDERED ANYWAY IN CASE YOU FORGOT YOU ARE ALSO A JEW” and Esther’s like “okay yeah i’ll see what I can do.”

Zoom in on the king, who’s trying to go to sleep in his big kingly beds, and just can’t fall asleep. So instead of suffering through insomnia like the rest of us plebians, he calls for someone to read to him from the royal records, cause they’re so fucking boring they’ll have to put him to sleep. So one of his servants is doing so, and he stumbles upon the time when Mordechai saved his life. He realizes that Mordechai never actually got an award for all that snazzy shit, so calls in his boy Ham*n. “Hey. Haman. My dude my bro my man. If there was someone I really liked, who did a huge huge favor for me, like, yaknow, really helped me out, how should I reward him?” Haman, the stuck up brat that he is, of course things Ahashverous is talking about him, and so says “well…. i would dress him in the king’s finest robes and put him on the king’s finest horse and have someone parade him around the streets of Shushan yelling “THIS IS A MAN THE KING WISHES TO HONOR LOOK HOW GLORIOUS HE IS” and Ahashverous is all “dude you’re brilliant. Okay tomorrow afternoon, get that Mordechai dude and have this done to him. You’ll be leading the horse and yelling.” Haman realizes he fucked up. Haman reaaaaaaaaaaaaally hates Mordechai now. He hates him so much in fact, that he builds a set of gallows specifically for murdering Mordechai alone.

Esther, meanwhile, is trying to build up courage to go see the King and explain the whole “I’m Jewish please don’t kill my people” issue. First, she fasts for three days to be ready, and asks all the Jews of Shushan to fast with her. Once those three days are up, she figures she can’t just waltz right in to his quarters and say “don’t kill me”, so instead she dresses up all fancy, and waltzes into his quarters with some fancy (skimpy) clothing on and an invitation to a party. The king is thrilled to be invited to a party, and manages to overcome his instinct for murdering his wives to accept the invitation. At the party, they’re chilling, they’re laughing, they’re having an all around wonderful time. when Esther goes to make an announcement. “Hem hem hem” she coughs. “I brought you here today for something very important.” Everyone is paying attention. “I’m having another party tomorrow night and you’re all invited!!!! And so is that Haman dude. Make sure he’s there. Really.” Well of course our frat boy king is delighted and agrees that he and Haman will absolutely 100% be there.

Cut to the next night, where they’re at the party and Esther goes to make an announcement. “hem hem hem.” she says. The king gets ready for another party announcement. He loves parties “Someone” says Esther. “Someone, in this very room, is trying…. TO KILL ME!” Shock! Terror! Awe! Emotions! The party guests are very confused, until Esther gives the full explanation. “I’m a Jew… Haman’s a dick… etc.” So of course the King is so distraught, because he can’t have his lovely wife that he loves so very much (that he thinks looks hella hot) be murdered! But he’s also in a bind. Cause here’s the thing about kingly orders, like the one about killing the Jews. They can’t be undone or retracted. Looks like the Jews are still screwed. That is, until Mordechai gets this great idea. More murder. “Look.” he says. “People have been given legal permission to kill us. I propose you simply do the same. Write out a little kingly decree, saying that the Jews have the legal right to kill anyone who attacks them, and can fight for their lives. Then, it’ll just be a battle of the strongest and of course the Jews will escape just fine. We’re good at surviving.” The king, who’s really just a pawn at this point, is all “well that’s a MARVELOUS idea! Let me write up this order immediately, I’ll get right to it!” This second kingly order gets written, the decree goes out, and the 14th of Adar rolls around.

There’s mass murder. Everyone is fighting or killing or dying. Mostly goyim are dying though. The Jews successfully manage to protect themselves, keeping their culture alive, turning what was supposed to be a day of mourning into a day of wildly happy celebration, the Purim festival we know now. They also found and seized Haman, hanging him upon the gallows he built for Mordechai. And to this day, we eat hamentaschen to mock this fool’s hat/ears/pockets. Whatever we’re mocking, Haman was a dick who looked ridiculous. And we’re still here bitch, so ha. You lost.

#long post #seriously i took a nap in between starting and finishing this post #a 1.5 hour long nap #jewish #jumblr #purim #the purim story #not a translation #anon #ask

871 notes · View notes

thenicedolphin · 5 years

Text

Oscars Analysis With Biting Commentary: 2019 Edition!

We are BACK, with the 7th annual Oscars post from The Nice Dolphin (see links here for 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), where Matt provides insightful, quality analysis while Alex texts some thoughts from his iPhone about how Lego Movie 2 was robbed of a nomination even though it’s not even eligible this year. As always, Matt is in regular font, and Alex comes in with the BOLD.

You know what? Lego Movie 2 WAS robbed this year! Just like how Lego Movie should’ve been nominated for Best Picture in 2015 and didn’t even get nominated to be in the ghetto of Best Animated Feature. Horseshit. We haven’t even gotten to the first category and I’m already PISSED.

Best Picture: “Black Panther” “BlacKkKlansman” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “The Favourite” “Green Book” “Roma” “A Star Is Born” “Vice”

I’ll start by noting this wasn’t my favorite years for Oscar nominees. The top picks aren’t as good as Get Out or Lady Bird (or Phantom Thread) from last year. Or Moonlight and La La Land the year before. But there are a few great films in here, along with some mediocre picks.

Nice try sneaking La La Land in there -- should’ve at least gone with Argo. I do agree that it’s a weak year. Lady Bird would’ve jobbed out almost all the other movies this year, and it was like the third best movie from last year (behind Get Out and Phantom Thread). Honestly, just go back and read last year’s post.

I’d go to bat for Roma for sure. It’s a great film. It certainly is a masterpiece of visuals and a writer/director getting to tell his personal story. It certainly felt like a movie event to watch it in theaters.

Certainly.

The sound was really creative (surround sound to make the neighborhood and events feel alive). The visuals were beautiful and poignant, as one would expect with Cuaron. He really put all his effort in telling this story, paying homage to his childhood and to the live-in maid who so strongly influenced his upbringing.

Roma starts slow, but it builds, and I became enraptured with it during the second half. Some of the sequences are intense and well worth the previous groundwork. There’s a 10-15 minute sequence (just an estimate) that left me shook and in awe at the filmmaking (the scene starting at the furniture store). Another scene gave such emotional catharsis and helped close the movie really well. Roma also has some fun tangents and moments (I think of everything around New Year’s Eve) that some may find meandering. I dug them.

While Roma was a technical masterpiece, I’m still not sold on it as a story. Literally nothing happens for the first 100 minutes then we get some things that are completely unnerving, including one image that does not feel entirely earned, to put it mildly.

TASTELESS SPOILER ALERT

Cuaron is like “yeah, let’s focus on some dog shit for two hours. Enjoying that? Well, here look at this dead baby for like 15 minutes straight.” Dude was on screen for EONS. Thought he was gunning for a best supporting nom.

SPOILERS OVER

Roma is definitely a loving portrait of Cleo, a personal ode to the women who raised Cuaron, and an astute look into the intersection of economic class and gender in 1970s Mexico, but I can’t tell if those well-made pieces combine to make a truly great movie.

Otherwise, I’m not sure how much I’d want to rewatch this film or revisit it in entirety, but I really admired it and thought it was great. It is the frontrunner, and it would deserve Best Picture.

I’m a little worried that because of its Netflix standing and that weirdness. For example, AMC and Regal didn’t include Roma in their best picture marathons/showcases because it didn’t meet the distribution requirement for those theaters. Does that affect voters too? It seemed to with a few previous prestige Netflix films, but things do seem different now. So let’s talk about the next upset contender right now: Green Book.

Green Book is an interesting movie to me. It’s fairly polarizing because of the way it treats racial issues and the friendship between Viggo Mortensen’s white Italian character (Tony Lip) and Mahershala Ali’s black character (Don Shirley). You may have seen some of the controversies, such as how Shirley’s family wasn’t consulted on the film and disputes some of the representations of Shirley’s relationship with his family (deserving of criticism in my opinion). There has been criticism of director Peter Farrelly’s past on-set antics, or co-writer (son of Tony Lip) Nick Vallelonga’s tweet history (less of an issue to me to criticize the film, but still, not great, Bob).

First and foremost, FOCK this movie. Tony Lip is racist as hell! Like REALLY racist. You can tell it was written by his son, because the movie treats Tony like he’s the perfect man who was just a touch unexposed to other cultures. He never really learned or grew, especially with the whole “You’re not even black!” rant at the end. He just goes from being super racist to not(?) racist because he’s getting paid to hang out with Dr. Shirley for a few weeks.

Green Book has two great leading performances and some wonderful friendship moments. It has some funny Italian moments (is this racist?), and it has some great moments of strength by Don Shirley in rougher times racially. But man… I just can’t get over some of the key aspects of the film.

The film really leans into the dynamic of hey, you’re black, I’m white, we’re different, but hey, we’re not so different! It feels antiquated, and this year, other films handled race relations better while being better stories overall (examples include Sorry to Bother You, Blindspotting, and If Beale Street Could Talk). Green Book’s lack of nuance reminds me of Crash and Driving Miss Daisy. Hell, the movie is called Green Book, and they barely mention it! They should have just called it something else.

I get that little Nicky V. wanted to make a film about what a big man his daddy was, but it really only should’ve been loosely based on the Lip-Shirley friendship, and it could’ve avoided all the embarrassing fallout about Shirley not actually being estranged from the family/culture.

The flipside of this is whether or not Green Book is an entertaining, good movie. And in some ways it is. The friendship is fun. The banter is entertaining. I really liked Wesley Morris’ analysis of this on a podcast with Bill Simmons, who discussed how, when you take aside race and the message, the friendship is well-portrayed and some of the editing and scenes work well.

The first 30 minutes of this movie is some of the worst stuff ever recorded. Not even in terms of movies, but like, anything. It’s just Tony and his family being super racist, him entering into a hot dog eating contest (lmao what) and hacky banter between Tony and Dr. Shirley. Tony having to explain the concept of fried chicken to Dr. Shirley was a low point in a year that featured the existence of 15:17 to Paris. LOOK AT THE BABY CHICKEN LEG SPENCER

But Green Book is trying to talk about race. It’s what the film emphasizes and it’s what the creators of the film emphasized during their awards run. And if you handle that clumsily, it’s hard for me to separate that from my enjoyment of the film. I don’t need to see more stories about white guys thinking black people are deplorable, and then well, you meet a black guy, and he isn’t so bad! That’s not a great story! Ultimately, Green Book is a solid film with some troublesome messaging that weighs it down. And the film isn’t so amazing story/acting wise to overcome those issues. It’s just kinda… vanilla.

I’ll speak more on the leads in later sections, but if it wasn’t for Mahershala Ali’s deeply nuanced portrayal of Don Shirley, this movie would be completely irredeemable. Fortunately, he’s actually given a character with some agency, but everything about him is all done in service of the white man’s story about his “growth” as a person, which is really just him learning to be less of an asshole -- not exactly a hero turn!

Also, how many fucking times did they need to cut back to Tony shrugging in the Orange Bird? Geez, we get it already.

One more point to rant on: the fact that Tony’s son co-wrote the screenplay, and then Don Shirley’s family came out strongly against some of the story points REALLY rubs me the wrong way. Let’s put it this way: if a friend of mine did a story about his friendship with me, emphasizing inaccurately that I didn’t know how to eat Korean BBQ and had initially thought the idea of it was gross, and that I was estranged from my family but considered him and his family to be my family instead??? Dawg… I would haunt you from my grave for that shit.

/quietly deletes “The Nice Dolphin” screenplay

A Star is Born seemed like a heavy contender when it came out. It crushed the box office, critics and audience members seemed to love it, but it seems to have cooled off bigtime v. Roma and Green Book (really??? Green Book???). Well, I loved it, so let me sing its praises.

A Star is Born was good, but not that good. A hugely entertaining first hour followed by some terribly-paced sequences and a weirdly undefined Jack Maine (I didn’t realize how he spelled his name until that concert poster at the end) combine for an enjoyable, but uneven film.

Star is Born coulda gone poorly. Cooper trying to direct/sing/play music, Gaga trying to act, original soundtrack, and remaking an old story. Well, it works. The music is on point, the two lead acting performances are strong. There are some magical moments in this film… the scenes where they meet and flirt, where they write music together, when they perform Shallow… it’s so good! The film is good throughout, and the ending packs a wallop. I really like Star is Born, and I hope it can get more love than its likely Best Song win.

I will admit, I knew the ending before I saw it, so some of the impact was lessened and it also basically ruined that scene with Jack and his counselor. Also it was really late at night and I was pretty cranky, so by the third or fourth scene of her lumbering around the dance studio, I was ready to call it.

Still, Gaga and Cooper have great chemistry, which made the early scenes pop. However, the movie seemed like it didn’t really know what to make of Jack. Was he truly a troubled poet, or just a raging asshole using his art as an excuse for being an awful person? Was he a big country star selling out amphitheaters or a washed up, piss-soaked loser? What the movie was trying to claim as nuance really just came off as equivocation.

I am pleasantly surprised that The Favourite got as much Oscar buzz as it did. Alex can elaborate, but Yorgos is definitely a more out there director, and The Favourite seems to work really well as a pivot for him. It’s a little more mainstream, but not completely. It’s not a sell-out. This movie is still probably too weird and rated R for some people.

As a true Yorgite, I am THRILLED that my man is getting more mainstream love. The Favourite and Black Panther are my two favorite Best Picture nominees this year, despite them basically having no shot at winning.

Even going a bit “mainstream” here (this is the most natural-sounding dialogue in the Yorgos filmography), Yorgos sacrifices nothing about his unique, vicious style. This movie is as nasty, biting, and hilarious as anything else he’s done, and the entire cast (especially the three leads) delivers.

I really liked it. The performances were great, the story was really fun (Mean Girls but in a royal setting, or All About Eve, which I haven’t seen), the camerawork was interesting. I like how unconventional it was in some ways, like the ending just sorta sneaking up on me.

I saw this in a packed theater and I could definitely tell it was a lot of older couples who thought they were in for something along the lines of “The Crown” or “Downton Abbey,” and not heavy lesbian erotica. Also, despite what he says, I don’t consider Matt a true Yorgite, so it’s no surprise he wasn’t ready for that ending. My first thought when them bunnies hit the screen? “Yorgos, you’ve done it again!” A true masterpiece.

People are worked up about Black Panther getting a nomination, and I’m like… have you seen Bohemian Rhapsody or Vice? And you’re mad about Black Panther?

People being mad about the Black Panther getting nominated and Green Book getting legit Best Picture love? If only there was some common thread here...

First, I’ve definitely had friends surprised because for them, Infinity War was better… but I mean, they’re big Marvel fans so IW was a bigger deal to them storywise. Meanwhile, a lot of friends also told me how amazing Black Panther was, how it was their favorite Marvel movie, how it was so much more than a superhero movie, etc. Critics gave it strong reviews deservingly in my opinion, and it crushed the box office because it resonated with a lot of people. Just because it’s not as critically good as Roma and it’s a superhero movie doesn’t mean that it’s only in because it’s about race or that it doesn’t deserve it.

Black Panther absolutely deserved the nomination. Despite Avengers: Infinity War being a more crucial story to the MCU, Black Panther was a better, more cohesive film. IW was basically one long chase/fight scene, which I loved, but it can’t really stand on its own.

Black Panther built an entire world, populated it with fascinating characters with complex motivations, and had some badass action scenes all within the span of like two hours.

Also, come on guys. This is the same show that’s given nominations to… Bohemian Rhapsody. And Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (did anyone actually see that?). The Post, American Sniper, Philomena (does anyone remember that?)... I mean, does a movie only deserve to be nominated because it was about an Oscar-type of topic? I say nominate more of these blockbuster movies (IF they are good). Why did Mission Impossible and Crazy Rich Asians and Game Night not get nominated when Bohemian Rhapsody did? They were better reviewed.

First of all, I take umbrage to you including American Sniper with that trash. Also, Game Night didn’t get nominated because it wasn’t that good (it’s still better than Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody, but you get it). Crazy Rich Asians and Mission Impossible were both fantastic. Actually, here is an incomplete list of movies that are better than Bohemian Rhapsody and Green Book that came out this year, but didn’t get much, if any, Oscar love:

Annihilation Bad Times at the El Royale Crazy Rich Asians Deadpool 2 The Equalizer 2 (didn’t actually see this, but it’s got Denzel) First Reformed Halloween Lego Movie (still) Mission Impossible: Fallout A Quiet Place Searching Sorry to Bother You Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse (got some love, deserved more) Widows

Honestly Teen Titans Go! To The Movies and Venom were better than that trash too.

Anyway, Black Panther rules. It’s got an awesome cast of characters, it represents culture well, Coogler crushes the direction, the story is fun, and the villain is super compelling. People loved the ending scenes of Black Panther. This movie is worthy. Also shoutout to that last scene between Boseman and Jordan. Seriously, so good. Honestly, Black Panther had at least 4 scenes that were just as dramatic AND better-done than BR.

That sounds impressive until you realize that BR had zero well-done scenes. Seriously, every time I think about that movie I hate it more. It’s the opposite of Phantom Thread. It’s the Terrestrial Thread.

Bohemian Rhapsody is probably one of the worst movies to be nominated for Best Picture in recent years. Look, if you like the movie and find it entertaining, that’s totally fine! Just don’t tell me Black Panther didn’t deserve it when it’s better in every technical aspect.

The editing is bad. The story of the movie is a censored version crafted by the living band members of Queen to paint them in the best light. Freddie Mercury is portrayed like more of an immature punk than he deserves, and the other band members seem like the grown-ups. The dramatic scenes are not very good. It’s just fine. The acting is solid. The movie is fun when the band is playing music or making music. But it really drags at parts. A solid B- crowdpleaser. NOT an Oscar movie.

The only time this movie is entertaining is when Queen is playing/making music. Just save yourself the trouble and watch some old concert DVD or whatever. Every “based on a true story” movie is going to take some liberties with the facts, but this is the first movie I can recall that makes the true story MORE boring. This is literally the exact same movie as Straight Outta Compton, except that one was better -- and didn’t even get nominated! Straight Outta Compton is the Lego Movie of musical biopics.

BlacKkKlansman was a powerful movie, though I’ll say it isn’t peak Spike Lee for me. It is really good in moments, and it’s also weaker in stretches. Basically, whenever the main character is infiltrating the KKK or working with his partner, the movie works. The scenes about the civil rights movements are really good, especially a scene where Kwame Ture gives a speech. The movie is slower when it tries to delve into Ron Stallworth’s personal life and romance. The movie is probably 15-20 minutes too long, which would be my main critique. And the ending is a bit polarizing (it worked for me, but I can see the argument against it).

15-20 minutes too long? Sounds like peak Spike to me. Hey-ooooooooooooo!

I really dug BlacKkKlansman, but man the capitalization of the title is infuriating. I agree that it’s a bit scattered (and not in a way that actually serves the story), but overall, I think Spike put together a film that is entertaining, exciting, and sadly all-too-relevant in today’s world. The scenes from recent news at the end might’ve come off a bit clunky to some, but it really brought the message home that in some ways the movie might’ve had a “happy” ending, but in no way is the big picture a positive one.

Vice. Man. I was really looking forward to this one and I was disappointed. It felt like Adam McKay took all his tools from The Big Short and used them to excess. The Big Short was crisp and covered one specific story. Vice tries to cover a lot of years of Cheney’s life without much cohesion. I wish the movie had focused more on the VP years, which were the best parts of the movie and far too short. The Big Short’s narrator was a main character who explained a lot of complicated concepts that related to his character. Vice tried to have a random character with tons of narration, and it was all over the place without really having a reason for being in the movie. McKay also tries a few other ambitious things that don’t work as well when your movie isn’t strong. Basically, the riskier decisions stuck out more poorly. I wanted to dig this movie, but it just wasn’t very well-made, and I’m underwhelmed by its nominations.

I didn’t get around to Vice, but there’s something comforting about knowing that I’ll never see all of the Best Picture nominees. Not that I’ve ever let that stop me from providing commentary before. Besides, after Matt’s SCATHING review, I probably made the right call.

An interesting theme that pervades several of the Best Pic noms this year is the movies being directly at odds with their “true stories” in ways that actively hurt the movies. Green Book, Bohemian Rhapsody, and BlacKkKlansman all suffer from this. Maybe Vice too? Who knows.

Generally, I try to separate the movie from the real events it’s based on. Real life is rarely as entertaining as a Hollywood flick, so I totally get why Die Hard didn’t have a third act of Carl Winslow filling out paperwork. HAVING SAID THAT when the true tale gets twisted into something totally unrecognizable, is it fair to criticize the movie for that? Green Book completely mutated the character of Dr. Don Shirley to fit a narrative of friendship triumphing over racism; Bohemian Rhapsody mischaracterized the relationship between Freddie Mercury and his bandmates to create a non-existent redemption/comeback arc; BlacKkKlansman ignored all the ways Ron Stallworth sabotaged the pro-Black movement in Colorado in service of painting police as the true heroes of equality.

I don’t have all the answers here, but these three examples feel like particularly egregious warpings of reality. However, I want to use this opportunity to praise YORGOS, who took enough from history to give The Favourite some context, but was up front about his editorialization enough to where the historical inaccuracies didn’t matter, and it didn’t feel like watching some ol boolshit.

I wish First Man and If Beale Street Could Talk had gotten in over Vice and Bohemian, or in addition to (since the nominations can go up to 10). Hell, if you had just added these two to make it 10, this crop would look stronger. The follow-ups for the directors of La La Land and Moonlight, neither film was as strong as the previous outings, but both were quality art. First Man sometimes had less impressive action with its use of shaky cam in the cockpit (which made the theater experience dizzying at times), and it mostly lost the mainstream audience because it was less adventurous than movies like The Martian or Interstellar. It also chose to try to portray Armstrong as an ordinary, less romantic type of hero, which may have been to its detriment for entertainment purposes. But I really liked the story of Neil Armstrong and NASA, warts and all. It felt more authentic and well-acted compared to, oh, I dunno, BR. And the moon landing scenes were breathtaking.

Beale Street struggled for me with its back-and-forth narrative, and some characters who I wish had more to do but some of the scenes were so good, and the art of it was beautiful. I also wish foreign films like Cold War and Shoplifters could get some Best Picture love too, but I’ll talk more about them below.

Cinematography: “Cold War,” Lukasz Zal “The Favourite,” Robbie Ryan “Never Look Away,” Caleb Deschanel “Roma,” Alfonso Cuarón “A Star Is Born,” Matthew Libatique

(edit: We put these categories here as a little TND protest for when the Oscars weren’t gonna air them on the regular telecast. But we’ll leave them here still, because these categories rule.)

The presumed favorite appears to be Roma, with Cold War as a potential dark horse. After Cuarón’s go-to cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki (three-time consecutive Oscar winner at one point, including for Cuarón’s Gravity) left, he pulled a Thanos and decided to do it himself. Roma’s photography has all the marks of a Lubezki/Cuarón joint. He did well. Some of the shots may be a bit much (as one friend asked, why so many dog poop shots?). But the tracking shots are glorious and usually worked well for art. Following the lizard around on a random day, Cleo running along the street, the shot of the men training, the forest on New Year’s Eve… and of course, the aforementioned furniture store and beach sequences.

I didn’t see Cold War, but it’s fine because Roma will win. Roma does look great, but damn can Cuaron get another trick besides panning ten feet in either direction after the natural conclusion of a scene? Seriously, he does it like every twenty minutes. I guess this is world building? “You see, here’s what’s happening to our characters. And there’s also more stuff happening...slightly to the left.”

I was very curious about Cold War after it got a best director nomination as well. The cinematography was beautiful too. And it also deals in black-and-white like Roma, and with different camera framing (I’m not technical enough to explain that). It had some great shots too, in particular a shot with a mirror that really impressed me. Of note, Cold War beat Roma in the American Society of Cinematographer Awards.

A Star is Born had some good camerawork and cool concert shots.

Great camera framing when the guy pisses himself. You really *feel* the piss.

The Favourite was worthy of a nomination too, using some unique camera angles and fisheye lens shots that could have been distracting but ended up working really well for the movie. I have not seen Never Look Away, but the trailer looked good.

Those long hallway shots in The Favourite were superb. Robbie Ryan is a true Yorgite.

Film Editing: “BlacKkKlansman,” Barry Alexander Brown “Bohemian Rhapsody,” John Ottman “Green Book,” Patrick J. Don Vito “The Favourite,” Yorgos Mavropsaridis “Vice,” Hank Corwin

LOL Bohemian Rhapsody. See the aforementioned link about the bad editing in it. I mean, I guess the montage while they recorded the title track was really fun, but cmon! I also had a lot of fun during some scenes of Venom, and I didn’t see that get a bunch of noms!

Well maybe it should have! Matt made me watch that clip of the first record exec convo from Bohemian Rhapsody, and it’s so bad it wasn’t until like my third viewing when I realized Matt was trying to point out how poorly edited it was. Seriously, I couldn’t even get past the dialogue: “Queen...is for losers” “Well I’m sold!”

Vice seems to be a favorite on Gold Derby. The movie was too all over the place for me, and I guess it would win for the most editing, because there are all sorts of jumping around and montages and random things the film does. Bohemian is the next favorite, so I don’t really care for this year’s winner. Maybe this year it SHOULD be on commercial break. Jk.

I didn’t see Vice, but I agree with Matt that more editing definitely doesn’t equal better editing. I think Billy Walsh would agree that sometimes it’s about the cuts you DON’T make.

I would vote for The Favourite. It’s crisp and efficient. Green Book’s editing is probably a strong suit too, admittedly. BlacKkKlansman could have been shortened some, but the editing during some of the back-and-forths (I think of the KKK meeting versus the black students’ meeting at the end) was really good.

I agree* that all three of these films were well-edited. It’s a shame that apparently they have no chance at actually winning this award.

*I think I’ve already set a record for most times agreeing with Matt in an Oscars post. We’re like one of those old married couples that gradually turn into the same person over the years. Sure it might make for a boring post, but at least we’re RIGHT.

Director: Spike Lee, “BlacKkKlansman” Pawel Pawlikowski, “Cold War” Yorgos Lanthimos, “The Favourite” Alfonso Cuarón, “Roma” Adam McKay, “Vice”

Cuarón is the presumptive favorite, and he would be very worthy. He shepherded this project to fruition, he told the story he wanted to tell, and he kicked ass. I’ve heard Spike Lee is a possible surprise here, but I’d rather see him get the Screenplay win. As mentioned, BK is not his strongest work for me, and doesn’t quite compare to Do the Right Thing.

Finally Matt says something stupid! Okay because BlacKkKlansman wasn’t as good as one of the greatest films of all time, Spike doesn’t deserve a win here? I’m not even saying he should win, but if he doesn’t, it’s not because he made a better movie in 1989.

Cuaron will probably take home the gold, and it’s well-deserved, as he really put his signature style on every aspect of Roma. It’s obviously an extremely personal project for him, but he never lets it dip too far into “diary” territory, and ultimately allows the audience inside of his perspective instead of forcing us to observe from a distance.

It’s dope that Pawlikowski got nominated sorta out of left field. He really crafted an interesting, powerful story, and it was creative and unique. Yorgos deserves props for his nomination, managing to combine his style with someone else’s script (first time using a script that wasn’t his!). I’m glad Peter Farrelly didn’t get the nod here, but I wish Cooper had gotten it in over McKay. Vice is not that impressive, but I really dug some of the decisions made in Star.

This might come as a surprise, but I’m quite happy Yorgos got nominated and would love for him to get the upset victory over dog dookie Cuaron. Shoutout to both guys for being able to direct the hell out of some nudity though.

Lead Actor: Christian Bale, “Vice” Bradley Cooper, “A Star Is Born” Willem Dafoe, “At Eternity’s Gate” Rami Malek, “Bohemian Rhapsody” Viggo Mortensen, “Green Book”

My Cooper support continues! I hope he wins, and it sounds like some people want him to be a surprise upset here. I thought he really built this role up and nailed it. This could have gone poorly. He could have sounded like Russell Crowe in Les Mis, his voice could have been weird, and he might not have been so likable on screen. But he was! He really became Jackson Maine and crafted this interesting, romantic, tragic character. I thought he was terrific.

*big sigh*

I agree with Matt again. Cooper was fantastic in playing a could-have-been-thankless role of a guy who does terrible thing after terrible thing, but still needs the audience on his side at the end. His singing was more than serviceable in the movie, as it was mostly done in live concert scenes where him being a little ragged fit the character/moment. Just uhh, don’t pull that shit up on Spotify.

Rami Malek is the frontrunner here, which surprises me. Again, I don’t like the movie, but I also like Malek. But Malek has impressed me much more in projects like Mr. Robot and The Pacific. Here, I feel like he is doing a solid impersonation, but he’s not blowing me away like DDL in Lincoln. I feel like he was also limited by the weak script/story. I wish he had had more powerhouse scenes and dialogue, but he just didn’t.

Oh he didn’t blow you like DDL in Lincoln? That might’ve been the greatest biopic performance of all time. “Malek was good, but his acting wasn’t as good as Spike Lee’s directing in the 80s.”

Not to defend Malek, dude is just up there doin a little bucky beaver impression -- and I like Malek! Shit was limp and lame. IAWM (I agree with Matt) in that the rest of the movie was so bad, Malek was never afforded the opportunity to rise above being a Halloween costume. Still, he did next to nothing, even with scant material.

Bale obviously made an impressive transformation in weight/look for Vice, and I always am a fan. He was pretty good here, and I’d be fine with a win, but it wasn’t his best work.

Viggo was good, but part of the problem of the movie is the fact that Viggo was the lead instead of Mahershala, as the film would have benefited more from being through the lens of Shirley’s view, and not Tony Lip’s.

Yeah, it pisses me off that Viggo (lol never realized how funny of a name that is until I just typed it) is even in this category. Sure he did a fine job playing a racist guy...maybe a little too fine of a job? I’m surprised Liam Neeson wasn’t clamoring for the role of Tony Lip, so he could do a little method acting.

As for Dafoe… I don’t know anyone who saw this film, and I wasn’t hyped enough to go see it. Hell, the idea of a 60+ year old playing a guy who died at 37 was enough to not get me hyped, even if the makers tried to say he would have looked like Van Gogh because of the circumstances of the times.

I obviously didn’t see this movie, but wow that is a hell of a paragraph. Are most people hyped by an old man playing a younger man? Actually, I heard that the producers were worried that Dafoe didn’t look old ENOUGH and were going to CGI in Christopher Plummer. Still though, “circumstances of the times?” I know 2019 seems awful, but this is a helpful reminder that the world use to be a literal hellscape.

I would have liked to see Ethan Hawke here for First Reformed. He carried the movie, he was awesome in it, and it was definitely unlike the normal Hawke performance I’ve seen before.

Matt, put a backhanded compliment warning there, sheesh. Hawke was fantastic in First Reformed and absolutely deserved a nomination ahead of Viggo, Malek, Fat Bale, and Benjamin Button-ass Dafoe.

Gosling here would have been good too. Also would have been cool to see an indie lead, whether Lakeith Stanfield in Sorry to Bother You or John Cho in Searching.

Stanfield and Cho crushed it in their respective roles. Funny story, Cho initially passed on Searching, but the filmmakers basically stole his phone number and hounded him until he agreed to do on the condition that they leave his ass alone afterwards.

Lead Actress: Yalitza Aparicio, “Roma” Glenn Close, “The Wife” Olivia Colman, “The Favourite” Lady Gaga, “A Star Is Born” Melissa McCarthy, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?”

Glenn Close is supposed to win. It’s apparently a lock. This definitely feels like another career honor, since this is her 7th nomination and she hasn’t won. Close is pretty good. The movie is OK and she has a delicate, graceful, but powerful performance here. I mainly just feel like it was the least memorable role here.

I didn’t see The Wife, but for some reason I’ve got love for Glenn, so I’m happy she’s getting a win.

Colman wasn’t necessarily the lead of the film, and it was really a three-headed monster (apparently Stone’s character has the most screentime), but she was awesome. She nailed this crazy, sad, bigtime character. I’d pull for her, and I think she has a small chance.

Colman might’ve had less screen time than Stone, but as the raunchy queen, she commands the audience’s attention much like she commands love from Stone and Weisz. Everything is in service of the queen and Colman puts every ounce of emotion and feeling into a role tightly balanced between needing fealty and needing love.

Gaga was a contender for a while, and I really liked her and was impressed with her rising to the occasion and taking on this lead role, weaving in her real life story with this fictional character. I think she didn’t always quite hit the acting level of Cooper, but she was close.

Gaga was good for a rookie, but cmon. She basically had like two expressions the entire movie (dumbstruck and covering half her face/sad and covering half her face).

I was really into McCarthy’s performance and thought this was a legit good indie film. Small story, really focusing on her character, and she carries it well! The Wife and this are smaller indie stories, but I was more wowed by McCarthy. She handles a sad sack of a character, self-loathing, mischievous, witty. I think she’s a great actress who sometimes ends up in unfortunate movies. This was a good one.

Shockingly I didn’t see Can You Ever Forgive Me?, but I’m glad McCarthy is getting love. She’s a great actress, but always finds herself in shitty movies.

I’m so glad Yalitza Aparicio got a nomination! She wasn’t quite as strong to me as Colman or McCarthy, but she has to be good for the film to be good, of course, and she is. I think the technical aspects of the movie outshine her performance in some ways, but she deserves merit.

Yalitza’s gotta be straight up laughing at all the love for Lady Gaga. Another first time actress, she actually does a great job in the film instead of just getting points because she has hit single songs. The range of emotions on her face when confronted by the nude ninja alone made her worthy of a nomination.

Who else would I have wanted? Maybe Joanna Kulig for Cold War. She’s a star, and she dances/sings/acts in terrific fashion. Also shoutout to Natalie Portman for Annihilation and Elsie Fisher in Eighth Grade. No one’s gonna remember The Wife in 5 years, but Eighth Grade will stand the test of time.

Supporting Actor: Mahershala Ali, “Green Book” Adam Driver, “BlacKkKlansman” Sam Elliott, “A Star Is Born” Richard E. Grant, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” Sam Rockwell, “Vice”

Mahershala is expected to win, and he’s really good as Don Shirley, so I’m cool with it. He is such a magnetic actor, and he carries Shirley well. It’s a pretty different type of character from Juan in Moonlight. Juan’s performance leaned in on charisma, masculinity, and tenderness. Shirley is a character reliant on dignity, sophistication, and inner rage. He nails both. He’s really good. For all the faults I have with the making of Green Book, I do really like Mahershala here. It’s pretty wild that he’s about to get his second Oscar, but hey, good for him!

You mean an actor played two different roles? Wauw.

Mahershala completely carried Green Book and filled Don Shirley with so much nuance, complexity, and integrity that he himself should’ve gotten nominated for Best Picture. He IS the movie. It’s such a shame his character was relegated to the supporting role because there’s so much awesome internal logic to Dr. Shirley that he’s fascinating to watch and Ali does a great job of bringing all of that to the forefront without having to resort to speechifying his thoughts or emotions.

I really like Driver and always like his work. He’s a unique, compelling actor in whatever role he’s in. He has more to do in BK than John David Washington’s main character, and he’s not weighed down by the romance story. There’s something really convincing in any role Driver portrays, whether it’s Kylo Ren, Adam in Girls, or his performance in Silence. I thought his performance was pretty key to the BK story.

Driver definitely brings a fun presence to BlacKkKlansman helping to achieve the delicate tonal balance Spike was looking for. I mean, not as good as the tonal balance JGL brought to Lincoln, but I digress.

Grant was really wonderful and charming, and he really carries the movie along with McCarthy. Elliott doesn’t have a ton of scenes in A Star is Born, but each scene of his was a highlight for me. His relationship with Cooper is key to the film, and I really dug it. I don’t really see why Rockwell had to get a nom here. He’s not too essential to the film, and he does a good W impersonation, but this just pales in comparison to his role last year in Three Billboards.

Ha I only skimmed that last paragraph and just furiously googled “Sam Elliott Three Billboards” because I was confused as fock. Yeah that last conversation between Cooper and Elliott was fantastic, and Elliott is great throughout as the older brother who never got quite as much ass as Jackson Maine.

We couldn’t have thrown a nod here to Michael B. Jordan instead, for his compelling (albeit polarizing) acting job in Black Panther? I also loved Brian Tyree Henry’s character in If Beale Street Could Talk. Similar short screentime to Rockwell, but way more impactful and memorable. Henry’s scenes in Beale Street are some of the best work you’ll see from last year.

Was that acting job really polarizing? We have a term for people who have negative things to say about Black Panther. They’re called...Vallelongas. Brian Tyree Henry is one of my favorite actors, so I have no doubt that he was great in Beale Street. I do want to shout him and Daniel Kaluuya out for their performances in Widows. For a story about four strong women coming together to wreck some shit, Henry and Kaluuya stole the show. And my heart.

Also want to shout out my man Beast! Not saying he should win, but his scene to hilarity ratio in The Favourite was easily 1:1. Everything in The Favourite popped, but his presence made it even poppier.

Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, “Vice” Marina de Tavira, “Roma” Regina King, “If Beale Street Could Talk” Emma Stone, “The Favourite” Rachel Weisz, “The Favourite”

I really like Regina King, and she’s pretty good in Beale Street, but I’m sorta surprised that she became the consensus pick. She doesn’t quite have as memorable a performance for me as Mahershala’s or say, Brian Tyree Henry in the same film. She’s a great actress, but there’s not a ton for her to do, and I didn’t leave that film being like WOW, that character!

Stone and Weisz seem to negate each other, unfortunately. They are both terrific. I didn’t love Stone in La La Land but she’s really fun and vicious here. Weisz is great too and has a lot of fun. I would probably give the edge to Weisz, but I’d strongly praise either performance.

Weisz was amazing as Sarah Churchill. She is definitely the centerpiece of the film, and does a wonderful job providing an axis for all the wild shit that goes down. What really elevates her performance is that she doesn’t fall into the trap of merely being the straight woman (no pun intended, seriously), and still imbues her character with loads of cunning, fire, and personality.

Stone was great as well, and I’ll say I didn’t enjoy her in La La Land either, but that’s mostly because I was watching La La Land at the time.

Amy Adams is awesome in general and good in Vice. Marina de Tavira is really good in Roma, and her nomination was a nice surprise too. Her character as the mother is really pivotal to the story, and I thought she was good at being overall likable even while sometimes being harsh.

De Tavira gives a great performance in a role that would’ve been easy to gloss over if played by another actress. She never allowed herself to become a background character or only appear as Cleo’s boss. Her story is just as dynamic and heart-rending as Cleo’s, and with less attention given to it, only a great performance would give it the weight it needed and de Tavira absolutely delivered.

Original Screenplay: “The Favourite,” Deborah Davis, Tony McNamara “First Reformed,” Paul Schrader “Green Book,” Nick Vallelonga, Brian Currie, Peter Farrelly “Roma,” Alfonso Cuarón “Vice,” Adam McKay

The Favourite seems to be… the favourite for this category.

Nice.

It’s a fun, witty script based on historical events (and it seemed to do a decent enough job being similar enough to real life!). Updating a story for the modern times in film format is no easy feat, and I really enjoyed this story.

Like I mentioned earlier, The Favourite does a great job of drawing just enough historical context while still keeping things fresh and honest, without making the story feel bastardized.

This is Paul Schrader’s first nomination, which is pretty crazy when he’s had films like Taxi Driver and Raging Bull. First Reformed has a unique, fascinating, compelling premise and story arc. It does remind me a good bit of Taxi Driver in some ways but is its own story too.

Really happy First Reformed got a little love. In a time when we’re getting nothing but remakes and sequels, a truly original story is always welcome.

I don’t want Green Book to win. As mentioned, this shit wasn’t vetted by Shirley’s family, which seems kind of important! And it’s a bit cheesy throughout. Technically speaking, it seems like the directing/editing would be better than the writing here. Vice… that story was so all over the place. McKay’s script for Big Short was way crisper and stronger. Roma is a great film, but I don’t put its screenplay up as strongly as its other technical achievements. Eighth Grade should have been nominated here and been a contender. It won at the Writers Guilds Awards (Bo’s speech is really funny too), and Bo Burnham made a brutally vulnerable, honest story about adolescence and technology.

I usually make a joke here about how movies based on actual events should be in the Adapted Screenplay category (since they’re adapted from real life!), but I guess Nick Vallelonga really took that to heart because he basically removed any shred of reality from Green Book. May as well give Bohemian Rhapsody a nod here too lol

Adapted Screenplay: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” Joel Coen , Ethan Coen “BlacKkKlansman,” Charlie Wachtel, David Rabinowitz, Kevin Willmott, Spike Lee “Can You Ever Forgive Me?,” Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty “If Beale Street Could Talk,” Barry Jenkins “A Star Is Born,” Eric Roth, Bradley Cooper, Will Fetters

The rules for adapted are always funny. A Star is Born is based on three previous versions, and Buster Scruggs apparently has some adapted short stories but other completely original short stories. Weird. I wouldn’t feel too strongly about Star’s screenplay since I feel like the quality in its update is more in the acting and music, versus the writing. Buster Scruggs was a mixed bag for me, with some awesome and some meh stories.

Bro, which stories were meh? Name names! There wasn’t a bad one in the damn bunch.

BK seems to be in the lead, which would be a cool win for Spike Lee (he previously received an honorary Oscar). Apparently the movie changed a lot, which I imagine was positive for movie action/plot intrigue. I feel like whatever the screenplay did with the romance didn’t really play, but I’m not really sure what else I would push alternatively.

Matt is really hating on the romance angle in BlacKkKlansman. I’ll be honest, I barely remember that aspect of the movie, so the hate is probably warranted.

Beale Street was a worthy effort, but I felt like the narrative was all over the place and wonder if Jenkins could have done a better job conveying the story in movie form. I don’t think it was an easy book to adapt, as I’ve heard with Baldwin fiction, but the product in the end doesn’t measure up to BK. As for Can You Ever Forgive Me?, I thought it was a stellar story, and also apparently people don’t think the original memoir itself was very good, so I guess it gets points for that!

Go ahead and give Jenkins the win to make up for that L* L* L*nd/Moonlight mix up back in 2017.

Best Documentary Feature: “Free Solo,” Jimmy Chin, Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi “Hale County This Morning, This Evening,” RaMell Ross “Minding the Gap,” Bing Liu “Of Fathers and Sons,” Talal Derki “RBG,” Betsy West, Julie Cohen

I’m not a big documentary guy, but they have gotten more popular (Won’t You Be Me Neighbor, Three Identical Strangers, Free Solo, and RBG all were box office documentary hits this year), and I’ve ended up checking a few more out. Won’t You Be My Neighbor was one of the most noted snubs when nominations came out, and it’s a shame it didn’t get nominated. It was beloved and had a notable cultural effect last summer, and I thought it was terrific and charming. I didn’t see Three Identical Strangers yet, but I’ve heard it considered to be a snub too, which Alex can elaborate on.

Shit I had this whole paragraph written up about Mr. Rogers, but Matt just reminded me that it didn’t get nominated. Basically the punchline was that I watched it with my parents and they just clowned Fred the whole time, which I think explains a lot.

Three Identical Strangers was great, but apparently I’m the only person who either didn’t know about the second twist or didn’t think it was that shocking/big of a deal. I gotta say, capitalizing on your 15 minutes of fame by opening a celebrity restaurant in New York City is probably the most 1988 thing ever.

Also, no love for the Pope Francis doc? Guess I’ll see the Academy in hell...as I look down from Heaven!

The betting odds seem split between Free Solo and RBG, with Solo slightly ahead. I am all about Free Solo, and I hope it wins. It’s an incredible, fascinating story. Is this guy insane for making this climb? How do we feel about him with his girlfriend? How do we feel about his girlfriend with him? How do we feel about the documentary crew filming him? Are they enabling him? Deterring him? These are really interesting dynamics throughout the story. It’s helpful that everyone involved in the story is inherently likable, and they are wondering about these same dynamics. Also, although I think most people know the fate of Alex Honnold’s climb before watching, the feat is so extraordinary and ridiculous that you will still be stressed out, nervous, and fascinated watching it.

The climbing footage is awe-inspiring. The filmmakers do a great job explaining the audacity and absurdity of the climb so that the average viewer can understand what’s going on. This is such a good documentary.

RBG the person is awesome, and I’m a big fan. But RBG the documentary is just… good? I feel like voters must have been split between this at Won’t You Be My Neighbor, and it’s hard not to compare the two, since they came out around the same time and are both about revered figures. WYBMN has really good editing and panache, and an inherent charm in talking about Mr. Rodgers’ legacy and his past. RBG feels more by-the-numbers and with less impressive editing and focus. It felt a bit short and all-over-the-place. I could have used more time on her advocacy versus her time exercising or becoming a cultural meme.

WYBMN also benefited from having tons of footage from the TV shows. RBG by comparison doesn’t have as much old footage, and with RBG alive, they do a lot more interviewing her or following her around. It’s an interesting glimpse, but doesn’t work quite as well for me. It’s a good film, and I enjoyed getting more of a look into RBG’s life. But I don’t want it to win.

Minding the Gap is the other film I saw out of this batch, and it had caught my eye after being on a few critics’ best movies lists at the end of 2018. It’s on Hulu, and it definitely wouldn’t become a box office hit. It has an indie vibe for sure, as Bing Liu, a young filmmaker, follows two friends as they grow from teenagers to young adults, along with examining his own life. The film delves deeply into masculinity, physical abuse from childhood, and identity in the Midwest. It really builds and gets stronger and stronger towards the end. There are some deep emotions that this film can evoke in the viewer, and I really felt for the story by the end. Also, a bonus is that the footage of them skateboarding is really beautiful and whimsical.

Best Foreign Language Film: “Capernaum” (Lebanon) “Cold War” (Poland) “Never Look Away” (Germany) “Roma” (Mexico) “Shoplifters” (Japan)

Roma is the clear favorite here. I almost wish that if Roma was definitely getting best picture, they could just retract its nomination here so someone else could win!

Ha that’s actually not a bad idea. These other flicks don’t stand a chance when Roma is going toe-to-toe with the entire field of movies.

I really liked Cold War and Shoplifters. I didn’t get a chance to see Capernaum or Never Look Away. Never Look Away seemed to have mixed reviews, which makes me wish that Burning (South Korea! Steven Yeun!) got the nom instead. While in the lobby post-Cold War, my friend and I saw a bunch of people left Capernaum in tears, so… that seems like it must have been good and sad?

Bro, people were crying because it SUCKED. Jk, I’m sure it’s wonderful. Also, has a foreign language film ever been nominated that wasn’t a totally depressing tearjerker? Do countries besides the U.S. and France make comedies? I know there isn’t much to laugh about in Turkmenistan or wherever, but I’m just asking.

Cold War is by the previous winner of Ida, another excellent black-and-white film. While Ida was smaller scale in time, Cold War spans a romance of two musicians over some years. It similarly tackles the repercussions of WWII and the titled Cold War on Poland. The two main characters are really captivating and dynamic to watch. The music portrayed is super fun. The challenges of the times are fascinating. My one gripe is that the film felt a bit weirdly paced at times, partly because it was covering a multitude of years, and the characters’ decisions were sometimes a bit too dubious for me.

I really dug Shoplifters too. It’s a lovely, beautiful film that ponders what a family is. The characters aren’t conventional good guys, mistakes are made, and these characters try to keep their version of a family together. Sometimes the movie is beautiful and optimistic, sometimes it’s sad and heartbreaking. I also liked how the movie was intentionally confusing about some details, to add to the storytelling aspect.

Animated Feature: “Incredibles 2,” Brad Bird “Isle of Dogs,” Wes Anderson “Mirai,” Mamoru Hosoda “Ralph Breaks the Internet,” Rich Moore, Phil Johnston “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse,” Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman

SPIDER-VERSE. All the way. That movie could have gone poorly. There is definitely a lot of Spider-man content out in the world in recent years, and the movie worked by both leaning into that and truly creating its own story to stand on. Miles Morales was an awesome main character. Peter Parker was a great side character (that was definitely a risk in storytelling). Miles’ family characters were well-portrayed (shoutout Brian Tyree Henry and Mahershala Ali, AGAIN. Those dudes kill it).

Spider-Verse might be my favorite movie of the YEAR. #2 this decade behind Moonlight and all of the X-Men films. Everything about this movie is fantastic. The characters are well-drawn (emotionally and literally), the stories are engaging, and the humor, while appropriate for all ages, doesn’t include any lame juvenile shit (unlike this blog post). Folks (myself) were legit getting emotional in the theater. Looked like a screening of Capernaum in there.

The animation was awesome. It was new and unique, making the movie feel like a comic book come to life. I think the movie had a poor box office opening because of market saturation, but it ended up grossing a respectable amount based on word of mouth and audience reception. Good! Can’t wait to see what’s next.

I’d literally never seen anything like Spider-Verse. The animation was crazy dynamic, constantly shifting between more realistic and more cartoony depending on what the situation called for. Everything about this movie from the animation, to the music, to the voices is completely fresh and inspired.

The Incredibles 2 seemed to take the box office by storm, and by the time I saw it a month or so later, I was a bit let down. The movie is a bit unsatisfying in originality after so many years. It’s still good! I had a lot of fun, and some of the action sequences were pretty exciting. It’s just not as good as Pixar’s best or the first Incredibles.

No desire to see Incredibles 2. Incredibles 1 is massively overrated and all anyone wanted to talk about from part 2 is how hot the mom was. I’m good, homie.

Isle of Dogs was really fun and charming. It was a solid Wes Anderson joint. I do wish it had more agency for some of the Asian characters, and it’s still sorta funny to me that Wes just kinda dropped in with his crew + one Asian writer for the script. But yeah, it was a really fun movie. I haven’t seen Ralph since I hadn’t gotten to the first one yet. Mirai looks like my kind of jam, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. Spiderverse all the way.

Isle of Dogs is racist as hell! Why will no one talk about it??? I feel like I’m going INSANE

Original Song: “All The Stars” from “Black Panther” by Kendrick Lamar, SZA “I’ll Fight” from “RBG” by Diane Warren, Jennifer Hudson “The Place Where Lost Things Go” from “Mary Poppins Returns” by Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman “Shallow” from “A Star Is Born” by Lady Gaga, Mark Ronson, Anthony Rossomando, Andrew Wyatt and Benjamin Rice “When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings” from “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs” by David Rawlings and Gillian Welch

Shallow is such a heavyweight here. That song is the classic from a soundtrack of lots of good songs. It’s perfect for their relationship in the story, and it’s the best scene in the film when she comes onstage to sing it. I hope they crush it live on stage. Get it, Bradley!

Would’ve loved for “Why Did You Do That?” to get an ironic nomination here. Man that song was ass. “Shallow” is a good song and plays an important role in the movie, so I’m not upset at all if it wins, but yo that part where they’re just like “Sha-la-la-la-la-low” is weak as hell. Should’ve ponied up for Jason Isbell to get the late checkout time, maybe he could’ve done something there.

Hot take: “When a Cowboy Trades His Spurs for Wings” is a MUCH better song.

Man, the Mary Poppins’ new songs were pretty disappointing. Maybe they should have gotten Lin involved in the writing. The Buster Scruggs song is pretty goofy and funny, and All the Stars is a fun anthem.

All the Stars is a fresh track, I wouldn’t be mad at it pulling an upset.

Original Score: “BlacKkKlansman,” Terence Blanchard “Black Panther,” Ludwig Goransson “If Beale Street Could Talk,” Nicholas Britell “Isle of Dogs,” Alexandre Desplat “Mary Poppins Returns,” Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman

Feels like First Man got snubbed here bigtime. That score was really good, and it seemed like a favorite before nominations came out. I’d root for Brittell’s score. His work was beautiful in this (and in Moonlight), so a win would be cool. I generally like Desplat’s whimsy, but I don’t remember much about the score here. Black Panther’s was cool, though I feel like it was more about the songs on the soundtrack versus Ludwig’s score. Ludwig is the man though. I wouldn’t hate him getting it.

Good point about Black Panther’s strength lying in its songs instead of the soundtrack. Really disappointed in Sicario 2 overall, but especially in its score. Sicario 1 had the hottest score of the year when it dropped, but much like everything else about Sicario 2, it didn’t deliver.

Sound Editing: “Black Panther,” Benjamin A. Burtt, Steve Boeddeker “Bohemian Rhapsody,” John Warhurst “First Man,” Ai-Ling Lee, Mildred Iatrou Morgan “A Quiet Place,” Ethan Van der Ryn, Erik Aadahl “Roma,” Sergio Diaz, Skip Lievsay

Sound Mixing: “Black Panther” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “First Man” “Roma” “A Star Is Born”

This confuses me every year. Here’s a good article for the differences. Basically, sound editing awards effects (think, creating gunfire/explosion noise for a war/action movie). while sound mixing awards the soundscape/all the sounds mixed together.

So with that in mind… these categories seem to have less predictable winners, and I see that the sound editing leaders are currently First Man and A Quiet Place. I’d give props to First Man here, for doing work with the space exploration. A Quiet Place is interesting since it had to use its sound so effectively and specifically.

How you gonna award A Quiet Place for its SOUND? Smh

As for sound mixing, I really dug watching Roma in theaters. You could hear sounds, birds chirping, and it felt like you were on the street in the neighborhood of Roma.

It’s almost like you can really *hear* the dogshit squishing between the kids’ toes on the pavement.

Now, it appears that Gold Derby leans towards three options: A Star is Born, First Man, or Bohemian Rhapsody. I feel like BR relied a lot on pre-done recordings unrelated to filming, so I’m not sure about that one (though I suppose that’s the point of sound mixing, I dunno… look, I just don’t want it to win -- lmao same bro). A Star is Born had to deal with live music! It’s way more worthy.

Visual Effects: “Avengers: Infinity War” “Christopher Robin” “First Man” “Ready Player One” “Solo: A Star Wars Story”

This is easily Infinity War. Relying on Thanos as a main character meant a ton of work, and if you remember his cameos in Guardians or the Avengers post-credits, you know that he looked better here and much more fully realized. He was a mammoth, a threat, and the visual portrayal was well done. His fight against Hulk, his fight against Doctor Strange, some awesome FX. Having to weave in tons of comic characters was no easy feat too, with Falcon and War Machine fighting in the sky while Groot, Rocket, and Cap are on the ground against those bad guys.

Avengers all the way. Having a lame-looking Thanos would’ve nuked the whole movie (people are STILL talking about Superman’s CGI shave), but they knocked it out of the park. Infinity War had to be a huge undertaking, as it’s a million superheroes pulling out all the stops for like 6 hours. Kinda surprised Black Panther didn’t get any love here for similar reasons.

Ready Player One had a lot of fun effects too. It had to rely a lot on video game storytelling, and the adventure of it was pretty fun and well-done. Solo was fine.

I honestly had to ruminate for like five minutes to remember if I saw Solo or not. I think “fine” is the most accurate possible description of any aspect of Solo.

First Man was quality. I dug their comments on how there is no way they could have faked the moon landing considering how hard it is now to even try to demonstrate that in a fictional film.

That’s what they want you to think, sheeple!!!

Christopher Robin? Wasn’t that bear real?? What are you trying to say???

Realest bear since the one that took Leo’s ass in The Revenant.

Production Design: “Black Panther,” Hannah Beachler “First Man,” Nathan Crowley, Kathy Lucas “The Favourite,” Fiona Crombie, Alice Felton “Mary Poppins Returns,” John Myhre, Gordon Sim “Roma,” Eugenio Caballero, Bárbara Enrı́quez

Costume Design: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” Mary Zophres “Black Panther,” Ruth E. Carter “The Favourite,” Sandy Powell “Mary Poppins Returns,” Sandy Powell “Mary Queen of Scots,” Alexandra Byrne

Black Panther was sick. Weaving in futuristic elements with African culture. The sets were wild. The costumes were fantastic. The Favourite did a good job doing the royal vibe too. The NASA production that they had to recreate in First Man made it feel really authentic. Same for Roma. Lots of good stuff here.

Agreed on Black Panther for all the reasons Matt mentions, but I think you gotta go with The Favourite here. Those people looked like they STUNK. Just fucking gross all the way around -- and it was PERFECT.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and Roma had great design as well. As an anthology, Buster Scruggs had the added degree of difficulty of making sure every story appeared distinct enough while maintaining the overall look and feel of the movie.

Makeup and Hair: “Border” “Mary Queen of Scots” “Vice”

I mean, you saw Christian Bale as Dick Cheney. Lock this up.

Clink-clink!

Animated Short: “Animal Behaviour,” Alison Snowden, David Fine “Bao,” Domee Shi “Late Afternoon,” Louise Bagnall “One Small Step,” Andrew Chesworth, Bobby Pontillas “Weekends,” Trevor Jimenez

“Weekends” by Trevor Jimenez sounds like a banger of an R&B album.

Best Documentary Short Subject: “Black Sheep,” Ed Perkins “End Game,” Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman “Lifeboat,” Skye Fitzgerald “A Night at the Garden,” Marshall Curry “Period. End of Sentence.,” Rayka Zehtabchi

Best Live Action Short Film: “Detainment,” Vincent Lambe “Fauve,” Jeremy Comte “Marguerite,” Marianne Farley “Mother,” Rodrigo Sorogoyen “Skin,” Guy Nattiv

Bao was a fun, sweet short that had some nice Asian representation… that’s all I got.

I’ll be watching the documentary shorts the night before the Oscars, but wanted to get this post up before then, so if you want my thoughts on those nominees, holla at ya boy.

As for everything else? I probably agree with Matt.

1 note · View note