obi-wan and his pruny boy

𝒖𝒏𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅

this is the more extended version of my unwanted drabble, thank you to @jessybarnes for some of the ideas. I hope you all enjoy.

summary - steve tricked you before kidnapping you, leaving you locked away in the basement as you begin to mess with his mind.

warning - angst, mentions of killing, mentions of sadness, mentions of being trapped.

the gif and headers I use aren't mine.

Warnings and Reminders - Please do not plagiarise, copy, repost/republish, adapt, or translate any of my work on any social media platforms, apps, or third-party sites. The only platforms I post my work on are: Tumblr and Wattpad. I do not own any character of any franchise (Marvel etc.) All my works are fiction and may be dark or triggering content: READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING.

“What? You want me to meow or something?” 

Steve sat there shocked, staring at you with wonder. It’s as if you had no care and weren’t freaking out like others. He stares into your eyes, seeing nothing there, and his head tilts as he looks at you. “No..?” He looks confused, wondering. “How do you feel?” 

“I don’t.” You state, turning your head back to the wall and staring at it. You miss how his eyebrows shoot up. “So… When are you going to kill me?” You pick at your nails, continuing to feel stupid for thinking someone like him would actually want you. You turn your head when you don’t hear a response and tilt your head as he stares at you, confused. “That’s why you tricked me, right? To kill me, you didn’t exactly pretend to like me, drug me, and tie me up in your basement because you’re madly in love with me, and that’s the only way you thought you could get me.” 

“You’re not afraid? Why aren’t you screaming, crying or swearing at me?” He’s so confused, getting closer to you, kneeling before you as he looks into your eyes. “Why is there nothing? You’re so empty.” 

You blink, staring at him blankly. “If you don’t mind, ‘Steve’. I would like not to talk and for you to just get to the point.” You move away from him, crawling up the bed and lying on your back as you stare at the ceiling. “I’ll be here… Waiting patiently for my death. Not like I have anywhere to go.” 

You let out a sigh when he left the room, one side of your mind begging for him to stay and the other staying quiet. You couldn’t let yourself fall for his stupid face again, and you didn’t want to beg someone to love you. You wanted that to come naturally. But you don’t think that will ever happen because… You were you, and people didn’t like what they saw.

Steve was curious, and you were like a puzzle to him. He had never met anyone so void of emotion and missed the woman he met. You seemed so happy and carefree, sure. He did notice that you were more closed off and didn’t seem to let him so close. He wanted to change that. He needed some sort of reaction, some sort of emotion. How can you be so calm during all this? Steve left you alone for a while, barely acknowledging the other women locked up, barely acknowledging his wife and kids, or the women he promised dates to. You were occupying his mind, and it was driving him crazy. He had destroyed most of the upstairs, trying anything to get you out of his head. He couldn’t take it. The look in your eyes, your words, it was all getting to him.

Steve remembered your dates and how you told him about the books you used to write. He recalled that you said it was the only thing that made you genuinely feel something, and an idea sparked. Steve gathered a notebook, some pens, and some food and water before making his way down to the basement. He knocks on the door before sliding it open and smiling at you. “I brought you something that I think you’ll enjoy.” You continue to stare at the wall, your eyes tired. Steve sighs, softly walking over and placing the items before you. “I’m trusting you with these pens, but if you do something—”

“You’ll what? Kill me?” You scoff, eyes slowly moving to connect with his. “That was already your plan, and this would make the killing go faster.” You roll your eyes, barely looking at the things he placed before you. “Did you need anything else? Because I’d rather you just hurry this along.” Your head turns again, ignoring him because what was the point of giving him any more attention? 

“Why are you behaving like this? I bought you some of the things I remember you talked about. You should at least feel happy?” Your head falls back as you let out a laugh, startling Steve, who stares at you as if you’ve grown three heads. “What? What’s so funny?!” Why wouldn’t you just submit?! Why were you so different from the others?! It bewildered Steve how you could sit so emotionless and then laugh as if he had said something funny.

“You. Do you think giving me a notebook and pens would suddenly make me happy? Did you not stop to think that you are the problem? I have already come to terms with the fact that no one will ever love me, that you only pretended so you could kidnap me and kill me. So why aren’t you killing me?! Why are you taking your sweet time?!” You snap, struggling against the chains as you stand and move toward Steve, punching his chest. “Kill me! Kill me, goddammit!” You scream, your eyes are still emotionless, yet your words hold so much power.

Steve holds your wrists, stopping you from hitting him. He stares down at you, wondering why his heart clenches like this. “No.” He moves away, needing to get out of this room and get away from you as you make his head fuzzy. He watches as you stare at him in disbelief.

“So, what… I’m not good enough to love and not good enough to kill either?” You sink back onto the bed, your eyes staring at the wall as you realise you will never be good enough for anything or anyone. Steve quickly leaves the room, going through the house, destroying more things on the way. How could you get into his head like this? No one else had done it, so why were you so different?

You sat there, staring at the untouched notebook before slowly reaching for it, and as you grabbed the pen, the words began to flow out of you and onto the page. Everything you felt deep inside was coming out through stories. Not feeling in the mood to eat or drink, you spend most of the day and night writing. As many more days pass, Steve comes in and out with more gifts and food. You continued to ignore him, not knowing how to react, waiting for him to decide when it was your time to die finally. But the day never came. You think a month had passed, but you weren’t so sure. Steve walked into your room, undoing the chains and holding out his hand. “C’mon. I’ve prepared us some dinner.” You stare at him warily before slowly standing and following him. He leads you to the kitchen and pulls out the chair for you. 

“Why am I out here?” You sit, tapping the table, watching him place the food onto the plates, not daring to touch it as Steve sits across from you. 

“I’ve come to realise something, and at first, it scared me. You’re different from the rest.” You scoff, rolling your eyes. “I’m serious. Do you know how confusing this is for me? You’ve taken over my mind, and I can’t focus on anything else.” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry that I’ve stopped you from tricking other women into believing you love them.” Your eyes roll again, leaning back into the chair. “Do you need a tissue?” You pick up the napkin beside your plate, offering it out to him.

Steve stares at you blankly, his eye twitching as he’s stuck between wanting to strangle you and make love to you. “No, I do not need a tissue. I’m trying to tell you that I feel something for you.” He’s startled again as you laugh.

“You feel something for me?” You feel tears prick your eyes as you continue to laugh. “Oh, god. That’s probably the funniest thing I’ve heard. I think you are delusional.” You shake your head, and your laughter slowly dies down. Your eyes connect with him, and you stare. “You’ve already got me here. You don’t need to keep lying to make yourself feel better.” You continue to tap on the table. “So… When am I going to die?” 

“You aren’t. I’m keeping you alive.”

“Oh, great. Fantastic. Sounds so fun to be alive and kept locked away in a basement for the rest of my life. Good plan.” You give a little clap and throw him a fake smile. But deep down, your stomach twisted, and your heart dropped. This was worse than waiting to die. Now you would be locked away, unloved, and eventually wither away. Your expression on the outside stayed void of any emotion. 

“No, you will stay up here. With me.” 

You wished you had never even gone to that stupid market. You wished you had never believed Steve’s stupid words or smile. How could you be so stupid to believe someone would ever choose you?

You were unwanted.

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

You’re so talented. Every time your fan binding pictures cross my dash I stare at them for *hours*. The amount of care and detail you put into your books blows my mind. I know you talk about the process for each individual book on your fic binding posts but I wanted to ask: how do you plan your fic binds? Do you visualize what the fic would look like if it were a book while you read it? Do the colors and illustrations you choose come to you as you read the fic, or after? How does your approach to fic binding differ from your approach to writing? Etc. I’m curious about your creative process, though the technical part is also super interesting!

Ps: I love all the fics you chose to bind but I was so excited when you picked GallaPlacidia’s Ship of Theseus - probably my favorite of theirs. You have great taste 😁💚

Eek Elise THANK YOU! I’m so flattered & honored. Also always happy to talk fanbinding, especially binding design (my one true love)!

I would say planning takes the vast majority of my binding time—it’s something I love and I agonize over and I struggle with—while the actual binding often goes quite quickly! I often start with one element that I’m excited about & feel fits the the specific fic: a color or spine stitching pattern or a chapter title concept or title page (like the hand-dyed cover + birds for You Open Always or the blooming morning glories for Meet Me at Midnight) and then, because I have no chill or a single subtle bone in my body, I just roll with that element through the whole book until it’s totally exhausted (wish I could spoil some of my upcoming binds here, but you will SEE VERY SHORTLY what I mean). Every single time I make a book, around the time where I’m printing out the typeset, I feel that I’ve made a grievous error in including one more item than I should have, like it’s way too much. An example is the blackletter ornate font I ended up using for the title of You Open Always—you can see in my draft Illustrator document where I was trying out tons of concepts using stock images that most of my title page concepts were with a much simpler, more modern font that I used for the chapter numbers. However, in the end, I’ve always been happy that I’ve gone completely 100% on my vision, even if it’s a lot. In that way, I feel like it’s like writing—I may be incorporating all the elements I want to see imperfectly and have doubts about them, but I’m still putting everything I want in there & I’m proud and happy for that, even if I still have more things to learn.

One last design element I want to highlight: BODY FONT! This is something I am still learning so much about and the Renegade Discord has been incredibly helpful (a recent message I sent: what font would you find in a pulpy 60s mystery paperback?). A gorgeous title page or chapter header or cover is great for setting the mood when you open a book, but the body font is 90%+ of what you see when reading, so I spend a TON of time trying different fonts to fit the vibe of the fic. I have no thoughts or advice or guidelines though—it’s like porn & you just know it when you see it.

I also get a ton of inspiration from fellow fanbinders, both on the Renegade Discord server & here on tumblr. A lot of time, I see a technique or cover or typeset and think that that would look incredible for XYZ fic. An extremely abbreviated list of people who inspire me daily: @a-gay-old-time (Emma, you're a BLESSING), @queercore-curriculum, @bindsbymunchkin, @pleasantboatpress (one of the most welcoming members of the Renegade server, in addition to being an incredibly inspiring binder), @chubsonthemoon, @no-name-publishing, @zhalfirin-binds, @dontcallmebree, @amywaterwings & @runawaymarbles. Sorry for all the tags, but want this as a resource for others! I would absolutely love to know how all of you come up with your artistic vision for the binds that you do (and please tag me if you post!). 

P.s. Ship of Theseus was a request from QC but I am SO HAPPY they requested it, because it’s one of my favorites too :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 🥳 🎊

HELLOOOO EVERYONE i am going to make a new year post after all! currently beginning working on this at 11:32 pm because i know it’s going to take me a while and i thought it would be nice to spend the turning of the new year talking about my friends. i also hope you enjoy this header i’m using it because i’m too lazy to make a cute one and i might later and also one of my friends said do it or no balls. 

honestly this year went by incredibly quickly for me. it was pretty uneventful, which might be a good thing!! i did get to meet two of my best online friends in the world when i saw stray kids live this summer, and that was probably top 10 days of my life!! so i’m really thankful that happened this year if nothing else. i’m one year closer to graduating community college as a part time student, and i’ll be turning 26 this month 😭 but you know, making it another year in itself is a big accomplishment if nothing else! i’m proud of everyone that made it another year and thank you for being here with me to read this post. i really appreciate all of you, whether we’re close friends or simply beloved casual mutuals, or if you’re even just a follower of mine; thank you for putting up with and even enjoying my sporadic posting and vaguely unhinged tags and gifs and other content, whether here or over on yangjeongin.

this will be my third turn of the new year i’m celebrating with everyone on tumblr upon return from my seven or whatever year hiatus, and it’s crazy that i’ve been giffing again since 2020. some of you have been with me since all the way back then and i’m so thankful!! i didn’t spend a ton of time on my dash this year (thank u to my bad internet that takes forever to load thereby making it an incredibly frustrating experience!) but i have more in the past several weeks and i’ve really enjoyed it!! i’m hoping that only continues into 2023. 

i do want to specifically thank some people for making my life on tumblr (and in general) better in 2022, but know that even if i don’t write you a specific message i still am so thankful for you keeping me company on tumblr dot hell in whatever way you have this past year!

i’ll put all my love for everyone under the cut and i know i will forget someone and feel bad but i cannot overstate how much i love all my mutuals enough!!

first of all, to @minijeong @miyawaki @redvelvetcult @bataranqs @seulggi my awoo9ers, thank you for being part of my life every day. i love reading back what u guys have said in the gc and i love seeing your content and chatting with u and your wacky n wild senses of humor, being your friend for the past few years has made my life better and i’m looking forward to making more memories in 2023 🎉 i love u!! i do want to call out a couple awoo9 members in particular though because i have more specific things to say!!

iwin - @anyujins ; hiii i feel like there’s so much to say but also so little?? but we started talking at the beginning of this year and have talked so much since and i just wanted to say i have really loved talking to u and getting closer to you this year. i genuinely feel like i can talk to you about anything and i am soso thankful for that and for u supporting me and i’m really glad that i can do the same for you! i know 2022 has been a rough year for you so i hope 2023 is better. for both of us!! haru - @minhos ; u probably won’t see this post and GOOD because i hate getting mushy with u. gross icky ew. but you know how much i appreciate and love you (or at least i hope you do) thank you for being my friend for so many years and for essentially creating my personality bc i think all of my interests are your fault SDFSDGSDG but thank u because in the end it’s all made my life better and so have you tee - @ddonghyun ; we haven’t talked much (or at all?) this year but i think you were the first friend i made upon my return to tumblr so know i am really thankful to you and still think about you a lot whenever i’m on this account <3 i haven’t seen you on my dash in a while and i don’t know if it’s just bad timing or you are finally escaping the black hole that is tumblr but either way i hope 2023 treats you well! eri - @wonjinist ; ultimately we haven’t been mutuals for that long but u deserve ur own message because every time i see u, despite us rarely speaking and just being mutuals that see each other and support each other on dash, i’m like omg that’s my friend eri. i simply consider u my friend regardless of how much we’ve actually interacted so thank u for your effortlessly friendly warm and kind personality that makes it feel so natural to simply be your friend <3 i hope u have a great 2023!

then we move on to the stayblr pals!! there are a bunch of you that have made my life on tumblr better in the past couple of years including (but not limited to) @agibbangs @binsuns @hyunchanz @hanjesungs @seunges @minzbins @leenow @cherry-heartss @huiracha @avocadomin @innielove @jisungs thank you for all of your wonderful content and personalities on my dash! i hope to see more from y’all in 2023 and maybe we can talk some more too!

li - @connecteds ; hi beloved!! another year of me on tumblr means another year of being friends with you. sometimes it’s fun on here and sometimes it’s not but even if my time here was an absolute terrible garbage shitshow it would be worth it because i got you out of it. i’m getting emotional and i’m sitting in the living room watching new years specials with my mom rn i can’t cry LMAO but thank you for always making me laugh even when you’re having a hard time and for otherwise being so full of love, and every day i’m so grateful that some of that love is for me <3 i told you we’ll always be friends as far as i’m concerned, no matter how much or little we talk, and i really mean that. no matter what we do or where life takes us there will always be love in my heart for you. i know 2022 was really hard for you so i hope the world finally gives you back some of the love and happiness you’ve put out into the world in 2023 💫 and u know i’m gonna be here for it!! adri - @skz-films / @hyunebear ; i’m not sure which account to tag you on asdfasdgdsg i know we’ve like never spoken but i think i will always remember the gifset you made for us on yangjeongin and how much you said we inspire you that really touched my heart so thank you again :( i think about that whenever i see you on my dash and it makes my heart feel a little warmer every time i do and i think we can always use more of that in life, so thank you for making mine a little brighter this year kep - @seungknow ; kep i miss u!!! i just wanted to say hi because you deserve your own message. thank u for being my friend, and i’m glad(?) we have moved from being together in stayblr hell to pc collector instagram hell. great. amazing. may 2023 bring us many dream photocards ✨ abia - @seungminhos ; abia! i didn’t talk to you too much in the past year but i couldn’t just lump u in with everyone else it felt wrong!! missing u and the seungminhos content but i hope 2022 was okay and regardless, that 2023 is better because we can leave all that in the past now. love u <3 luna - @seunglixes ; i wanted to give you your own shoutout just to say thank you for all you do for createskz! i know life is so crazy for you sometimes but you still always do your best to keep up with the net and i think you do such an amazing job, i really admire u for that so thank you for your work and for creating such a great place for stay ccs to come together and find other great content agnes - @hyunjinz ; agnes angel beloved the fact that we have not actually spoken very much outside of tumblr tag conversations blows my mind bc you are so dear to me! thank you as always for supporting me in my stayblr endeavors even before yangjeongin existed, and for continuing to, and for being such a cornerstone in this community whether you’re making content yourself or not. you do such an amazing job of supporting everyone and i think that’s so admirable of you and really shows what a pure and kind heart you have. i hope 2023 treats you with just as much kindness!! marie - @seo-changbinnies ; marie comedic icon, free stand up show every time you’re on my dash, your tags will always be legendary. i know you’ve been going thru it recently so hang in there and know i appreciate u and miss u but it’s also so okay to take your time and focus on more important things than silly little gifs on a goofy blue website. i love you and hope 2023 brings you only good things!! vilma @hyunpic ; vilma angel...even writing this about u is making me sleepy...i’m just kidding i was already sleepy. i have always loved u but i love u even more now that we are talking more, it has been lovely!! thank u for your unhinged tags and absolutely abundant love and kindness not just for hyunjin but for everything around you. you are genuinely such a sweet person and just seeing you around boosts my serotonin so please continue doing what u do and i will message u next time i’m having trouble falling asleep <3 happy new year SZDSDGG lotta - @jizung ; lotta i think last year (or the year before?? idk) i made a post like this and said ur tags were funny and that i hope we talk more AND I FEEL LIKE WE SUCCEEDED?? either way i do consider you a friend now and also wanted to say, do not tell anyone else, but u are like in my top 5 if not top 3 ccs on this entire site i think your gifs are so nice i think u could just send me a link to every new thing u make and i would be overjoyed to see it. so here’s to another year of us making content and talking occasionally (maybe more in 2023?), i hope it’s the best one yet! ri - @foxinys ; ri!! omg u know we’ve only been talking more in the past few months mostly because of unfortunate circumstances but i regularly think about it like, well, a lot of shit is going on but at least i’m talking to ri more and that’s nice??? and i do rly enjoy talking to u! and your gifs of course. i will never forget ur gemini abundant birth chart and the fact that i guessed correctly (sort of) despite us barely talking at the time SDSDGSD and i love that <3 my astrology friend said based on the charts of people i’m friends with i tend to be drawn to gemini heavy people i think this means we were meant to be friends so may 2023 bring us friendship under better circumstances! and many other good things mia - @seungs ; mia honest to god i’ve been working on this post so long i’m getting tired ASDFSDGSDG but i love u and your content, thank u for the support and for being mary’s #1 fan in particular, sometimes i still think abt that anon that asked what grip mary had on u and laugh. i hope 2023 brings us many good things and more mc lino gifsets ✨ mona - @hyunsung ; same as above i am sounding like a broken record at this point but!! love your content and i appreciate our tag communication. we are friends as far as i am concerned i have decided this i hope u agree SDFSDGSDG but much love and good vibes for the upcoming year!! i hope we can talk more in 2023 also cassie - @seo-trashbins ; i know i talk to you like every day so i could say all of this to you anytime and i think you know all of this but i wanted to include you in this so you could see something nice next time you check tumblr. i love you very very much meeting you in person this year was genuinely one of my favorite experiences of my life. thank u for being such a good friend for all of these years. 2023 will be TEN YEARS of us being friends. thank u for loving me even when i was an annoying 15 year old and all the time in between to now. i love you!! you are funny and kind and otherwise a wonderful friend and person that i feel very lucky to know at all let alone be friends with. one day i’ll come visit you in toronto and maybe u will have ur own place and i will simply move in and live under your bed. that’s like actually the dream for me i’m ngl. but until then i’m really happy to go into our 10th year of friendship and that it’s so many of them at this point that it doesn’t even feel like that big of a deal for another new year to pass. i hope we’re friends forever 💗

OKAY ENOUGH!!!! if you read all of these for some reason you’re insane btw but thank you??? and for anyone that isn’t on here, i will once again reiterate that i appreciate you regardless. i did just get kind of burnt out i could only write so many of these SDFSDGSD but much love, i hope this post brightens your day a little and helps 2023 get off to a little bit of a better start ✨ happy new year!

(icon and header and art in this post r by @/cupiidzbow !)

my names voltaire and this is my selfship blog! i barely use this blog and it needs revamping, my main is ousama!

IF YOU @ OR TAG ME IN A POST PLEASE @/TAG OUSAMA, MY URL IS AN OBSCURE CHARACTER AND I DONT WANT TO FILL HIS TAG WITH UNRELATED STUFF

im selfship tumblrs most hated thats how you know im a good blog baby yeah!!!!

do not follow me if you are a minor. do not follow me if you are a proshipper.

if you rb from misogynists ill probably block you its not my job to tell you when you follow one use that little brain in there

sharing f/os is awesome! be nice about it

F/O LIST AND SELF INSERTS UNDER CUT

MAIN GUYS

Kirinda (Eto Ranger) tag: 📸

Trafalgar Law (One Piece) tag: 🫀*note: I ship with all of the heart pirates and use the same tag for them. Only Law is a major F/O amongst them.

Masked Deuce (One Piece) tag: ♠️

SECONDARY

Banban (Garten of Banban) tag: 🥳

Kaito Kumon (Kamen Rider) tag: 🍌

Rowena MacLeod (Supernatural) tag: 😈

Shelda (Bugsnax) tag: ☮️

BOe (Магазинчик БО) tag: 🐰

Biznella (Super Sentai) tag: 🃏

Nellie Lovett (Sweeney Todd) tag:🥧

Chuck Keith (Gundam) tag:🌌

Olympia (Pokemon) tag: 🔮

Marcus Kane (Twisted Metal) tag: 🚧 *Only the Head-On and Black continuity

Lard Nar (Invader Zim) tag: 🛸

Self Inserts

Misasagi (Rune Factory) tag: ⛩️

Makoto Edamura (Great Pretender) tag: 🐱

All of my inserts use any pronouns while i usually default to he/they for them

My Eto Ranger self insert is Cabbage! He's shipped with Kirinda/Lydia. he's a...janitor i suppose? its his job to keep the ship and common area clean. he's super antisocial but enjoys speaking to kirinda while cleaning because it's less stressful than talking face to face with a living person. He falls HARD for that robot and their relationship begins before kirinda gets his physical body back but cabbage certainly enjoys the goofball regardless of form

My One Piece self insert is Karma! He's shipped with Law and sometimes the heart pirates in general as a polyship. Hes the user of the ryu ryu no mi model chameleon. He joined the crew a little after Sabaody after stowing away. He's kind of a menace but hes their menace. hes really bad at his job because he doesn't have the skills to utilize his fruits powers correctly. Law unfortunately sympathizes with them having childhoods that parallel at points. I do not have a self insert that i ship with Deuce. I have delusions about being Ace and we were partners

My GoBB self insert is named Eddie! Theyre an anteater who was made to work with disabled children and theyre shipped with Banban! I hope that doesnt sound weird I was in and out of sped classes as a kid so I wanted to reflect that.

My Kamen Rider self insert is Jules! They're shipped with Kaito and are a member of team baron. They dont really have any lore yet except for hardcore yearning lol. Might make them a rider too?

My Supernatural self insert is Voltaire!!! Hes shipped with Rowena hes a nachzehrer and certified menace. His ass should be dead but free will keep him alive bc hes Rowenas little play thang and keeps her slightly in line. Not by much. His heads so empty only thoughts of his pack and beautiful older women

My Bugsnax self insert is Sunnie Cuteloop theyre a magician! They heart Shelda we love faking magic. Two dif kinds of magic but you know.

My Pokemon self insert is currently unnamed and shipped with Olympia! They're also a magician I swear im not unoriginal I just do magic irl. They're the child of Hocus from the Oblivia region but moved to Kalos to pursue their career. They want to separate from their father and aim to be a better magician than he ever was.

My Invader Zim self insert is Tiere Ley a vortian scientist. They've been with Lard Nar since before the war but didn't officially get together till the Resisty was formed.

The lurker anon reappears! Thank you for answering my questions, and I’d love to hear the backstory of your macaque theme!

Also, I forgot to label myself. Silly me. Mmm 🤔… perhaps peach🍑 anon if it’s free? Because- unrelated to the cute and cheeky monkey man- I really, really love peaches!

YOO hello again!! And yeah, 🍑 anon is free!! I haven't tried eating peaches but they look so aesthetic,, the only peach flavored thing i tried was a peach drink and i ordered it PURELY bcs of LMK HHAHSHSAH

time for some blog lore..... THIS IS GONNA BE KINDA LONG AND RAMBLY SO BE WARNED-

Before this account was made, I actually had a different tumblr account for personal use (I never log into it anymore though lol) instead of writing. I was in the LMK fandom at the time, so I was reading x reader fics EVERYWHERE I could, from wattpad to tumblr to ao3.

And wouldn't you know it, when I was scrolling through the tags on tumblr I saw someone promoting their newly written fic they made on ao3!! I read it, loved the premise, and left a kudos and a comment (I think I left a comment? I'm not sure, I was a lurker as well when it came to reading HSDHSD).

Not too long after, I was scrolling through their blog and saw a post of them asking for any possible writing friends to interact. I thought 'hey!! i can write!!' and promptly sent them a dm. We chatted over our brainrot of the stinky monkeys and we grew to be pretty close writing buddies!! I even got to come up with a ship name for a pairing in the fic (the pairing was Macaque and Y/n, and Y/n in the fic was a baker, so I proposed the ship name 'Mooncake'. Still super proud of that ngl!! I'm pretty sure I made one for Wukong and Y/n too, but I forgot what it was </33 Mooncake was just so iconic to me).

We bounced off ideas from each other, and I sent them posts about Wukong (they were a Wukong Apologist and honestly, slay), and one of them actually managed to influence their characterization for him in a later chapter!! I was even writing my own LMK x reader fic at the time, and while I gave up on it after a while, they were the first person to ever read the first few paragraphs and gave me their thoughts.

Eventually, I had an urge to make a whole blog dedicated to x reader writings because I was inspired by them to make one, and when I told them they told me to go for it!!

Here's where the important bit comes in: This person's blog was themed around Sun Wukong. They're a Monkey King lover, they fucking love that stupid smelly monkey man!! So I told them "hey wouldnt it be funny if my blog was Macaque themed so we could match?" and they went "DUDE"

And boom!! That's the reason why my blog is Macaque themed!! I went through a LOT of custom tumblr themes (you know where you open someones blog and instead of being the regular tumblr blog layout its a totally new one that they customized themselves? Yeah that was me), meanwhile my friend just stuck to a simple 'Wukong pfp + header and orange background'. I think that matched our character themes really well HAHSAHSAH

Unfortunately, I'm sure that my friend is not working/active anymore. Their last post on tumblr was them apologizing for the lack of updates because of art school, and that was it. I don't know how long it's been since I checked up on the fic, but when I did, I found that their ao3 account was orphaned. So it's probably safe to assume that theyre not coming back to their tumblr acc either.

But still... I kept my Macaque theme. Even when my LMK interest started to fade and other media took over my brain, I refused to change it. Idk why, sentimentality I guess? It just felt wrong.

I have no idea where they are now, honestly. I just hope theyre doing okay. They were a super cool person, and I loved their fic and I loved talking to them and I loved being their friend!! Even if they probably wont see this post, I just want them to know how much of an impact they had on me. It was because of them I made this account, and got into writing requests and fics. And even if that didn't work out, they got me back to writing in general! They were an awesome person and they deserve everything good in life!!

Augugh this got sentimental... My bad!! Ngl, I've been secretly waiting for someone to ask me why my blog was Macaque themed, but the chance of that happening was really slim so I held the Blog Lore™ in. BUT NOW I CAN FINALLY SAY WHAT IVE BEEN HOLDING IN FOR YEARS RAHHH

Thanks for asking this, btw 🍑 anon!! Sorry if this was so rambly and long, my mind do be like that (incomprehensible to decipher sometimes). I'd love to see you pop in some more, if youd like!!

Oh!! And since ur a Wukong lover as well, you should read their fic!! It's unfinished, but I think you should give it a shot. The chapters are long, the writing style and interactions between characters are great, and the development and pining is well done!!

I realize that this sounds biased, but ermm..... IDC GO READ THEIR FIC!!! (/nf) Kudos and comment bcs they deserve it!! Even if they dont get to see it, I'd like to at least cheer them up on the off chance that they do.

Here's the fic!! And their tumblr acc too, because they make some pretty banging drawings for their writing!!

@butternut-zippersqaush

"I was the one who suggested 144 add “taken” to his profile. He had a submissive at the time (whose name and blog name he shared with me…not public information, but not a secret) who felt uncomfortable with the amount of fawning attention he got. He asked me what I recommended, given that he didn’t want to be public with his relationship (which I don’t blame him for, given how that has exploded for so many other popular bloggers). I recommended that he just put “taken” in his blog header. And so he did. I am not in his inbox to know how he conducted himself privately before or after that. But I thought I would at least share how that part materialized."

I read your reply to some of the drama and I too try hard to stay out of it. I'm sending this anonymously for several reasons.

I too have a fairly large blog and have had several relationships while here on Tumblr. Some long distance, some irl. Some from Tumblr and some were not.

I list my status as Taken and have for years. Nothing more nothing less. The reason for that is in the past I've listed three total persons as being in a relationship with me on Tumblr. All three of those also had Tumblr blogs. We would post on each other's walls, reblog things, etc. ALL three of those people received anonymous hate messages ranging from "you aren't good enough for him, he deserves better" to "just disappear from Tumblr, you're not even attractive, he doesn't even want you really, he just tells you that because he's bored" etc etc etc. The amount of hatred and jealousy spewed simply because that person was attached to me made me feel very guilty and there was little I could do to control it. It caused problems with us because it effected their mental and emotional well being. I'm still very good friends with two of the three and they still think about the negativity around it. One left Tumblr for good because of it, one also quit tagging her partners because of it, and one questioned a lot of things about our privacy because of it and didn't feel safe to continue much farther or deeper, and I understood all three of their decisions.

This isn't really an ask as much as it is a confirmation. That yes it can and does happen and it would surprise you just how nasty it can get.

Thank you for always being a voice of education, a voice of responsibility, and a voice of reason. I've followed you for six or seven years and I think you are one of the best voices out there for everyone.

Thank you for this, and for your kind words. I don’t see anything wrong with having as a condition of your relationship that you don’t want the relationship known on Tumblr. I’d feel differently about someone asking me to keep a relationship secret from the people I’m close to, but Tumblr is different. Especially if you have enough of a following that people feel entitled to your personal details.

It’s really just about setting the right boundaries that feel comfortable for both you and a partner—the same story about must-haves and limits. On the flip side, I’ve always been open with the people who are with me that I write about my experiences and feelings. So being in a relationship with me means accepting that I will write about you. Now, I am respectful to my partners and ask if there’s anything I think could be sensitive for them. But I could not be in a relationship where I was not allowed to write about my experiences.

We all have our own boundaries, and we all need to choose what boundaries we are willing to accept in a relationship. And like you, I’ve seen it go horribly awry. If my partner was an active, known Tumblr blogger, I’m not sure I would have ever identified him by blog name. Just seems like a hot mess.

Do you have a personal favorite “toxic” couple or pairing? I hate using that word because it’s so over used lol but I don’t know how else to phrase it. Just like two people who obviously aren’t the healthiest together but they can’t stop themselves and you can’t stop yourself from enjoying their dynamic/scenes together ?

It's only overused because people refer to relationships they don't like as toxic and then try to defend themselves by being like, they had a fight one time so they're obviously toxic and it does my head in to the point that my header on tumblr before this one was this

because i was fucking SICK of anons telling me ships were toxic because there were low points in the relationship.

Toxic relationships when done correctly can be extremely entertaining and fun and compelling, I love watching fictional toxic relationships when the writing is honest, which is why I've always maintained that if Delena was crafted properly I would've at least been entertained by them but they weren't. So, for me, it could go from:

Kelly and Ryan from The Office, which is a thoroughly dysfunctional relationship where they're both terrible people together but also portrayed in a very comedic and lighthearted way

or it can be Cesare and Lucrezia where the very fact that romantic feelings exist at all is in it of itself toxic and it's tearing them both apart but it only gets worse and better at the same time and it's just a constant struggle for them

I end up arguing against Spuffy a lot because Spuffy shippers come into my inbox and start shitting on Bangel and Angel and calling that relationship toxic and I don't ship them as a lasting couple but particularly season 6, as a sort of symptom and embodiment of Buffy's dark psychology at the time, it's a good example of a compelling toxic relationship

I was asked a few years ago about relationships that transition from toxic to healthy and I always went to Gallavich so Gallavich doesn't end up being a toxic relationship but they were when they first started and it's complicated because the toxicity is wrapped up in so many different things

but there was a certain angst that came with it that, like, ruined my life and I was absolutely here for it

Cookie and Lucious was another ship and I remember having to breakdown to an anon why Damon and Elena weren't in the same league as Cookie and Lucious and if any canon ship on the show would be remotely close, it would be Klaroline

From other posts of mine:

The World of the Married is some toxic, awful, terrible, entertaining shit where it’s a husband and wife, the husband carries on an affair while all of their mutual friends know and like have dinners and vacation with him and his mistress she finds out,

they get a divorce and he marries his mistress except that he’s obsessed with his ex wife

 

and even dresses his new wife just like his ex wife and his ex has sex with his best friend to get back at him

and then they have hate sex,

it’s this whole thing and it’s based I think pretty much shot for shot on a British show and it was just so fun to watch.

Tony and Carmela are not an OTP of mine but I’m a big fan of the writing for that marriage and of how Edie and James portrayed that marriage and it is a possessive relationship but an entirely hypocritical one, Tony cheats on Carmela frequently and Carmela is expected to deal with it because that’s the deal she made, she gets to live a luxurious lifestyle and Tony gets to fuck around  but that’s not working out

but when Carmela just flirts with the idea of another man, Tony loses his shit.

First, it was this eroticism with her priest and he slept over one night and Tony was bothered by it

then it was Furio and Furio flees to Italy because he’s in love with Carmela and thought about killing Tony even though the two of them didn’t really do much or spend much time together

and I remember when David Chase said he would’ve changed this line

to infuriate Tony even more to this:

“I remember being on the stage at, like, 2:30 in the morning when [Gandolfini and Falco] did that,” he said. “It was just unbelievable.” But that got him thinking about a way he could have done it differently.

“What she should have said — instead of ‘I have been dreaming and wishing and … about Furio’ —  she should have said, to get [Tony], ‘I have been dreaming and masturbating and blah blah blah,” Chase said. “But it’s too late.”

There are some ships that are portrayed as cute and romantic but are actually really toxic that I do enjoy like Joe and Kathleen from You've Got Mail because the concept of that entire movie is psychotic. Joe is a sociopath.

Like, ma'am, he ran you out of business, continued your online relationship while he knew you were the one he was talking to while you didn't know he was who you were talking to, and then he befriended you irl and tried to get you to hate his online persona so you could like him for him, like WHAT?

I want to like Loustat more than I actually do because, like, there are some great things that happen? Like Lestat sending Louis a record with his lover singing on it as an apology that then riles Louis up so much that he swims across the river, kicks down Antoinette's door, demands she get out of her own apartment so he can have hate sex with Lestat while she listens on the balcony crying? I was like THIS is the type of shit I want from IWTV but it still all somehow very perfunctory like a lot of the show because the emphasis is on the voiceover and dialogue so there are aspects of Loustat where I'm like I want to live in this moment, I don't want to hear about it, I want to see it, which is also why I make vids of them because it's basically taking those moments out and emphasizing them more.

Time to ramble about your OCs. Any OCs you have, tell us about them? What's lore do you wish to tell of them? Funniest things about your OCs? What inspired your OCs?

I wanna ramble about my original work ocs... Bc its been a while since i talked/thought about them. Let alone drawn any of them.

So ill answer this with my original characters if that alright

👉👈

i have a bunch of ocs. Many are still in drafts cuz ive been busy with fan works. But i have two to 3 series one i am trying to turn into an animation series (@the-mis-adventurers ) and another that is gonna be a collab comic series with @strawberry-mangoprincess (she's more active one her Insta compared to me lol) one is just merely a fun concept i think about every now and then.

Overall my ocs are inspired by other fictional characters. mainly from whatever media i consume and enjoy.

Starting with the concept one.

I only have two ocs made for it so far. Ember and Crystal. They are sisters with fire and ice elemental powers hence their names. Ember like fire embers and crystal like ice Crystals. Orphans dunno who there parents were. Not clear if their powers ran in the family/curse/etc.

Ember always had trouble controlling her powers especially with having a fiery temper. She's the more friendlier sibling however. Crystal despises her ice powers. She has an easier time hiding them so she can blend in with normal people. (I gotta draw them again sometime)

Crystal doesnt hate her sister but isn't close to her either. Feeling the need to take care of her since she's the last of kin.

And now for my (slightly) more thought out ocs from my wip series, the misadventurers

In a nutshell i want this series to be about the power of friendship (i blame my mlp phase for this-)

There's four main characters. All girls bc why not?

Their names are mink, jing, Raine and jennifer.

Mink is the more calm and responsible one out of her friends. Mom friend type. Her hair was actually blonde but turned pink to unknown reasons. (I took inspiration from lofi music when creating her) She proudly owns a pet turtle named fern. Will kick butt if her friends are hurt.

Jing is a goth who enjoys making music. she plans on startd her own band someday. (Eventually she does with her friends. Its called rock n pop. Pending title for now) has a rivalry with another oc of mines, Lillian. Loves to scare the others with pranks and horror movies.

Raine is the artist of the group. She tends to break the fourth wall whenever she wants. Also whatever she draws with her paint brush becomes real. her name is also a pun. Raine strom. (You can see her on my tumblr header harassing my old sona) Very zany in a good way. Has a crush on a dense boi*

Jennifer is a social butterfly. Heart's too big for her sleeve. Pacifist. Tends to let wild animals in the house. And thats how she got a pet goat who may or may not actually be one. Her mother wishes she'd be more responsible.

Now for some reccuring characters-

Lillian - famous star, used to be childhood friends with jing. And now they hate eachothers guts. Primadonna gurrrrllll. All she ever wanted was the worrrrldddd(Took alot of inspiration from the song for her) is an attention hog and will do anything to be popular.

*Milo - Also known as peppermint boi/j. But seriously look at his color pallet-. He does enjoy mints and always passing one out to people. Very dense and doesn't get when he is getting on someone nerves. Just as zany as raine. Uber positive. Don't let him get too excited tho. Cuz he'll LITERALLY explode.

Cole - college drop out. Wonders why the haystack milo and raine won't leave him be. Also tends to be their third wheel on their 'not' dates. He hates it. Very moody. Legend has it he's never laughed or smiled before.

Derek - just some rich dude. Comes up with so many back stories like Horst from ratatouille so its hard to tell which is fake and what is real. Tries really hard for Jennifer to fall for him but doesn't work out.

I already rambled to you about max and min. Buttt I can tell you a it more about them at least about their absent/missing parents

Thymes (pronounced Times) and Divid are the twins and Equan’s Parents.

They are both scientists who worked for [REDACTED]. Thymes and Divid were both pretty much crazy but in a ‘not so dangerous’ type of way.  always ready to invent stuff even if it held no actual purpose.

It did concern them greatly when Equan started going through a Frankenstein phase. At least they assumed it was. Probably didn’t help much they were pretty much working even at home leaving their kids pretty much unattended(And boy oh boy did they learn…)

And sadly disappeared due to unknown circumstances.

I M BACK I finished. that honestly took me a little longer than i had hoped/was expecting but then again i was going back and forth between safari to send asks and my notes app to keep track of who i thought was the killer like oyd all over again, and all i can really deduct from both experiences is that i would be an absolute shit detective and the world is so lucky i'm majoring in psych instead of crim! aside from that, it's time for my *cracks knuckles* review, so spoiler warning!

the ending is so silly (in a good way of course) and had he not been a literal mass murderer, i would have said that was something he would 100% do. aside from that, i find it really satisfying...? how well your fics flow and i think wanna play a game? really emphasized how good you are at that because its just ?!2?: i dont even know like the fic moves like water that's the only way i can think of describing the smoothness in between the "camera" transitions, if you know what i mean. the description of and between every movement was also really nice to see for me because usually when i catch myself doing it, it feels like i'm just adding unnecessary and boring details but i think this made me realize just how important they are to make a story feel natural and almost realistic in a way? i definitely don't think mine read as nicely though, BUT ANYWAYS. this isn't about me 😭

another thing i liked was the whole bolded italics to show when he was using the voice modulator and when he was speaking normally because as mentioned before in my oyd review, i can't stand certain things in writing and bolded italics to differentiate actions from dialogue is one of them. i don't know how or why this is becoming a recurring thing where you manage to do things i Don't like in a way that suddenly makes me like them a lot but i feel like that should be some sort of an accomplishment because i'm just so picky and you write everything perfectly 💔

i honestly thought, based on the header, that all three of them were the killers and they were actually a trio instead of a duo and to see that presumably it was just one person, was such a sick twist because i was, again, going back and forth between tumblr and my notes to figure who was where and doing what just so i could end up being completely wrong??!/? everything i thought i knew was a lie. the only thing i managed to get right was potentially taehyun injuring himself on purpose to trick everyone into thinking he was innocent when he really wasn't. i'm really interested in the sequence of events as to how the murders took place and correct me if i'm wrong but: beomgyu fell asleep so taehyun snuck away to go and take out wooyoung and ryujin in the other room by sneaking out of the house and breaking back in through the window which mc thinks is wooyoung de-escalating the situation and ryujin being upset but it's just them struggling and the settling down is when they die... and since taehyun can't just walk back into the house like normally, he goes back out the window and cuts himself on the broken glass? and maybe i'm looking too deep into this but, does beomgyu know? was there a reason why he said mc would be safer with soobin than with him and taehyun and why they end up being the only ones separated from the group? (also why does no one check to see if someone was actually coming?!1?) i kind of have no clue where yeonjun getting threatened happens throughout all this, assuming he's been in on it when he says he's just trying to keep mc safe while beomgyu's being (fake...?) dragged away (still have no clue where exactly he plays a part in the plan or if he plays one at all) and taehyun somehow manages to sneak into the basement and finish off soobin and yeji (fun fact: i totally misread and understood the first read through because i assumed yeji and soobin were a thing or doing Something, so i had to reread and question where the hell i got that from before getting on track again). the part where yeonjun says "think about it," had me on my toes because i thought he was going to admit to doing That to soobin and yeji but after looking back i realized that just. wasn't possible? 😭😭

the smut was so crazy, especially the build up to it like the whole straddling and trying to feel them was an insane idea but i kinda loved every second of it until it popped into my head there was an easy chance mc was straddling dead bodies, which thankfully, she wasn't, otherwise i would have been just as horrified towards the end as i was initially, and suddenly nothing was strangely intimate or appealing about this. it was kind of relieving when it's mentioned taehyun was warm and again, towards the end when it's stated that beomjun were breathing because while taehyun was fucking mc, i was kind of curious about what the hell was going on in the chairs and even more so when he wouldn't let her look at them? taehyun was exceptionally evil i feel, with his false sob story and confession which could have easily been another lie. speaking of the sob story, seeing how hyuka was killed by his friend group and by an "overdose", does that mean yeji was going to end up like him before taehyun came into the picture...? or am i just overthinking again lol

as always, though, i really enjoyed reading this and i'm so curious about every detail that didn't make the cut <3 – ml

the way you literally have me twirling my hair and giggling rn… also that detective comment made me laugh so hard 😭 detective ml needs to retire I’m afraid (joking of course I enjoy seeing ur little findings that were surprisingly accurate)

Responses under the cut! (Includes a timeline and extras!)

(Thoughts on the ending)

-it makes me laugh because I also thought the ending was a bit jarring and… ridiculous tbh, but it just shows how fucking unhinged that man is and I giggled a bit while writing it 

(Writing style and transitions)

-this is such a compliment actually omg?? I’ve actually come to realize that this is a strength of mine after many peer reviews on my papers mentioned that, so to hear this again is actually really interesting! I honestly think it’s super important to add details to create an immersive ambience for the reader, but at the same time unnecessary details are literally the worst, and often bore me and make my head hurt. (Like, no one wants to hear about the model and wood of a damn dresser in excruciating detail.) so I find that it’s also really important to keep a balance! 

(the voice modulator and using boldled italics)

-I was actually a bit hesitant to add it in, because there’s certain things in dialogue that I find a bit unappealing, personally. But I knew that there had to be something that could distinguish when it was being used so that the reveal could work properly and click immediately with the reader 🚬 I’m glad it worked properly though and it’s even funnier that I keep managing to change your mind about such things haha

(deciding who to make the killer)

-it honestly was a thought to make it all three! I considered all the possibilities; Taehyun definitely was the killer in all of them, but I thought of it being tae and gyu, (but then I got flashbacks to take it and decided against it), then tae and jun, and even all three; but in the end I decided against it only because idk… it seemed so fitting to make tae the mastermind behind everything. 

[onto the timeline!]

(Ml anon is scarily accurate)

-beomgyu falls asleep, taehyun sneaks out through the back and goes through the window to take out wooyoung and ryujin; the sounds of the “drunken fit” is actually the struggle from the murder. (Unnecessary detail, but Tae went for Ryujin first; that’s why her cut is so clean while wooyoung got the multiple messy stab wounds— the sounds of the furniture was wooyoung and Taehyun fighting)

-Taehyun goes back to the porch and stabs himself with the knife; all to cause a scene and establish himself as a victim, not a suspect. And since Beomgyu and tae are friends, he knows that bg would be too worried to question anything.

(Does Beomgyu know?)

-no he does not!

(Why did BG insist on the mc going with Soobin?)

-It was actually Beomgyu making sure that Soobin would be safe! He felt as though it was wrong to leave someone alone, bc of course, there’s strength in numbers. He hesitated to switch with mc bc the thought of the “killer” still being nearby (which he was) made him worried that mc wouldn’t be able to protect herself and Taehyun. In the end he simply gave in bc mc was being stubborn and it wouldn’t help to argue about it. 

(Why were TaeGyu the only ones that got separated?)

-The reason why they’re the only ones separated is because Taehyun needed to get rid of someone else quickly before he got outnumbered in a closed space; he knew that the mc would put themself at risk in order to protect bg, and the last thing he needed was them to get hurt. (Also, he needed bg to use him as leverage for the mc— I’ll elaborate more in another ask haha)

(why did everyone just blindly believe Tae about someone coming…)

-I love this little question because ya, that was a big mistake. Had anyone actually checked, they would’ve been confused and would’ve just said “bro is bleeding out fr” or smth. (And Taehyun would’ve played the part and acted weak and weary haha) But since the tensions are high, they’re all much too scared to think straight; Taehyun knows this and uses mass hysteria to scare them off, knowing that they’d believe him because he’s a victim too! (also, he’s the only one who’s “seen” the killer, so that gives him credibility if he were to panic)

(when does Yeonjun get threatened again…?)

-See this is this part is a bit of a stretch but it’s alright because it’s fiction haha… we all know our poor mc is horrible with directions, and when I say the house is huge I mean it’s huge. (Like mansion that has empty dusty unused rooms huge) Taehyun had to make sure to be quick with everything— knocking Beomgyu out, dragging him out of plain sight and onto the porch, and sneaking past the mc through another bedroom window. From there, he only had to find Yeonjun to get him to go back after her— Yeonjun’s feelings for her were real (although superficial at most) so at first he really was trying to get her to safety. Unfortunately, he’s very selfish so the moment the mc injured him and ran was the moment he thought “fuck this, let her do what she wants.” 

-The threats had a bit more details than said; meaning, “stall for a bit while I finish the rest, and knock her out and bring her to me.” Yeonjun really thought he’d be spared if he got on Taehyun’s good side and did all his bidding, even if that meant betraying his own friends. 

-After threatening Yj, he went to the basement— that’s where he cornered Soobin and Yeji, aiming for Soobin first because he knew Yeji wouldn’t be able to defend herself; it’s gruesome, but he left Soobin to bleed out and Yeji to watch as he shattered her ankles. 

-Also!! Another thing that I didn’t write, but Taehyun was actually in the basement the whole time! He was just hiding while he made sure Yeonjun didn’t turn on him, and after he knocked the mc out, Taehyun pretended to be grateful to get yj’s guard down; after that, he knocked him out. 

(the buildup and reveal)

-it honestly was such a bizarre idea to have the mc do that, and I… still don’t know why I did it? (Or how I thought of it.) I think it was just a weak ploy by Tae to get the mc scared and close to him; also, to gain her trust since she didn’t know he was behind it all yet.

(What’s up with the chairs? Why won’t he let her look at them?)

-Quite honestly, nothing special— they were just beginning to stir, and Taehyun was nothing more than possessive because even while they were sharing such an “intimate” (intimate used loosely) moment, he was angry to see that she was still worrying about them. He knew of yj’s feelings towards the mc and was never really fond of how close bg was to her. 

-Here are a few things I decided to omit or simply changed my mind on: first, the mc wasn’t going to be blindfolded; she would be tied up to a chair with bg and yj, and yj would’ve woken up and made a fuss as to why he was there. “We had a deal, you fucking lied to me!” He would have been killed after by Taehyun, making this the original reveal where he actually had a scream mask on. The other idea was killing bg and yj while the mc had been blindfolded, (post killer reveal) forcing her to listen to the sounds of them being stabbed and dying, etc etc until her spirit became completely crushed. I decided against both ideas simply because I just wanted to tone things down a little teehee 

(Huening’s OD and Yeji’s fate)

-You are not overthinking at all!! I’m so glad you picked up on this, because yes! That’s pretty much why Ryujin had been so freaked out and why everyone else had taken a serious attempt to de-escalate things, because they’ve all been through it before! The whole thing with Huening was an accident— they introduced him to drugs he couldn’t handle, being irresponsible and letting him take more than he should’ve as they all laughed and poked fun of him for being so inexperienced and a wimp; when he started acting strange, no one really took it seriously, thinking that he would eventually get over it. But he didn’t, and their death was on their hands as they attempted to make it look like it was his own fault and decision, choosing to try and put it all in the past as they pretended like nothing happened. Eventually, Yeji would’ve had a pretty close call herself if she continued the way she was. 

But that’s pretty much it, and I’m really impressed with how accurate some of your findings were! (Maybe detective ml isn’t a complete lost cause) it was so much fun to read all your thoughts and reactions, thank you sooooo much for taking your time to write such an amazing review!!

I started compiling yearly writing reviews in 2017.

"I’ve seen people do month-by-month yearly compilations for drawing," I wrote in that first post, beneath a Goop's Creative Writing in 2017 header and various isolated paragraphs, "and I know it’s way harder to see progress with writing, but I thought I’d try anyway?"

In 2018, I crossed out the Creative part.

"I’m including all kinds of writing I’ve done this time around," I said. "My non-fiction work is important to me, too."

By 2019, the header was simply Goop's Writing in 2019. No red X. No sign that there had ever been anything else.

I skipped 2020. 2021 removed headers and isolated paragraphs altogether—a tradition I'll keep for 2022.

But I can't help thinking about that crossed-out Creative from 2018.

What a 2022 mood.

See, there's this essay that's been swirling around in my head for a while. Well, more than swirling around—there are maybe the makings of it somewhere deep in my Tumblr drafts, scrawled out and abandoned way back in 2020.

You Don't Deserve to Be a Good Artist. That's what I've thought about calling it.

Because I'm a Libra, right? (On the cusp, but still!) I'm all about fairness and balance, about earning what you get. And, as I realized in horrible clarity in 2022, despite my Creative Writing degree, I don't deserve to be a good (creative) writer.

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

So, here's a clumsy metaphor: I learned how to swim as a young child, through lessons held at a local high school. There were two pools there, one for swimming and one for diving, and this year, I feel like I skipped the shallower swimming pool and leapt right into the deeper, scarier diving pool of creativity. I wrote fiction beyond November's National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) challenge of penning 50,000 words within 30 days—a challenge I've participated in since 2006—completing two short fanfictions, more than I've done in years. 2022 also got me interested in a new hobby of video editing; I've shared 10 AMVs since April.

I surrounded myself with artists, and they welcomed me with open arms, treating me with far more kindness than I felt I deserved. And that's the theme with me, so I do want to stress that it's not the fault of anyone else—not at all, not ever!—that a sense of out-of-placeness filled me.

I got my degree in Creative Writing, I must have said, multiple times, over and over.

But I never voiced, not directly, the reason I ever mentioned it at all. That I'm an artist, too. That I belong here. That I can also write creatively, not just essays! I swear!

Yeah. My need to justify my existence was probably pretty blatant.

In many ways, 2022 felt like a repeat of realizations made in 2021. "I can’t get invested in my own stories," I said in last year's review. And yet, "[S]omething simply feels… lesser, about throwing fiction behind and writing about other people’s fiction instead." So, I tried to write fiction. And it hurt, and it ached, and I cried. (And vomited from anxiety.) I vibed so much with MUNA's "Winterbreak" that I used it in an ask game this year, but it wasn't 'til the closing months of 2022 that I understood that I do actually relate to the song, in a way; my relationship with creative writing feels like a love I'll never get right, but "I'll always have one more try."

Like 2021, I also don't know where I'm going next year. But 2022 got me thinking, for the first time, "So what if I have a Creative Writing degree?" It's been a source of shame ever since I earned it—a painful, haunting reminder that I genuinely went to school for fiction writing and still write pieces that reek of amateur—but in the grand scheme of things, what does that matter, really?

So I wrote some literary fiction for school, studied movie scripts, penned a few plays, handed in one novel. (And the novel was for my Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies minor!) So I've participated in NaNoWriMo since 2006 and have over a million words on NaNo projects.

So what?

Writers around me have done so much more than that. Why do I deserve to be good? For studying writing in school for a few years? For mainly only writing fiction one month a year, which I then never polish or show anyone?

Of course, the world doesn't work like I would maybe like it to. It doesn't necessarily matter if I "deserve" to be good or not. But how can I get upset over my skills when I've spent so little time honing them?

Well, I kind of like my NaNo projects from 2022. "I'll always have one more try," I think.

Anyway, my struggles with creativity aside, I am proud of what I accomplished this year. Here are my favorite written pieces from each month!

January: Ai Haibara: Will She Choose to Remain a Child in the End?

February: Shinichi Kudo: Hiding His Trauma

March: Episodes 406-408: Toning Down the Tsundere

April: HeiShin Masterpost: Things I Love About Heiji and Shinichi

May: HeiShinRan

June: OVA 9: Shinichi’s Conception of Heiji’s Future (And How He Thinks Heiji’s So Attractive That He’ll be Called “The Lady-Killer of Naniwa”)

July: Opening 56: The Focus on Heiji’s Alcohol

August: HeiShin: Is It Really Onesided?

September: "They Only Murdered Him Once"

October: The only thing in my "ramblings" tag for this month is this post about recommended Conan English dub releases...

November: "Demon Get Out, Luck Come In"

December: Heishin: "Don't Fall in Love"

Yeah, this is, like, all Heishin related 😳

That's all for now. Happy New Year, y'all. Thank you so much for your continued support and kindness.

get to know me real quick

Well, @aro-langblr put one of these up and invited anyone who felt like filling the prompts out to do so, and I thought y'know, it's been a little while since I put up some sort of get-to-know me thing, so here's me answering these!

Why did you choose your url? because this is a Japanese langblr and it was available!

Any side blogs? this is one! my main is @maybesteverogers, so if you see that in your notifs, that's me. apart from that, I got @smilepng (aesthetic/happy place), @dungeon-apprentice (D&D) and @readingsometimes (bookblr; very slow)

How long have you been on Tumblr? since early 2013. kill me now

Do you have a queue tag? yup! it's "キュー"

Why did you start your blog in the first place? made this langblr at the same time I started uni as a way to stay motivated and encourage myself to revise Japanese.

Why did you choose your icon/pfp? @papbricot made it for me as a gift! it's a reference to my previous url, uni-venture. unsure what to do about it when I eventaully finish uni...

Why did you choose your header? Japan scenery pretty

What’s your post with the most notes? this april fool's post from three years ago

How many mutuals do you have? 11, just counted

How many followers do you have? been sitting comfortably at 4k+ for some years now. I'd probably be at 5k if I weren't so liberal with the block button. it's really cool, there are a handful of urls in my notifs I can recognize even from when this blog was super new in 2016 - you guys are pretty cool <3

How many people do you follow? 359. damn, I should thin out this list. now 249! never too late to spring clean

Have you ever made a shitpost? see question 8

Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? some people got big mad at me a number of years ago because I made a list of English words I felt were so poetic and obscure that perhaps there were other, more commonly used and easily understandable synonyms you could choose when writing academically. to facilitate understanding and all

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? sends a big "I don't think I can't argue well enough for my cause to convince anyone so instead I'm going to try to guilt trip you" signal. I deliberately don't reblog them.

Do you like tag games? most of the time!

Do you like ask games? also most of the time. I don't like them if they're overly long - 20 prompts is more than enough

Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? none! i'm not mutuals with any Tumblr famous people haha

Do you have a crush on a mutual? nah, I've never understood that tbh. like, I don't know anyone here well enough to have a crush?

I tag: ya, gonna leave this open to anyone who feels like it as well~

@longroadstonowhere did this a while ago and since it’s been a while since I’ve done a tag game I’ve decided to pretend she tagged me lmao

why did you choose your url— like any good nerd I picked my favorite greek goddess and used it fucking everywhere, and then since I figured the greek version was probably overplayed went with the romanized version. THEN since I figured the basic proserpine.tumblr.com would PROBABLY already be taken, and I never have been able to stick with a blog for more than a few months (heh), those are some phases right? I go through phases, plus the mythology of persephone also involves her going through phases of life above ground and life below, hey, it fits that too: so proserpine-in-phases

any sideblogs? -- yes, my fantroll blog still exists. I’m not ashamed. also I may or may not have an nsfw side blog

why did you originally start your blog— I needed an image host to post something on the mspa forum and didn’t want to use my deviantart for what were essentially shitposts.

why did you choose your icon— idk, it’s cute. I’ll change it again eventually

why did you choose your header— drunk text I thought was funny. The image is my beloved kitties

what’s your post with the most notes— probably the one about targets all being linked together because they have such similar layouts

how many mutuals do you have— man idk. at least 5, maybe up to 10. several of them are no longer active but haven’t deleted their blogs.

how many followers do you have— around a thousand. some are probably bots, I’m pretty hit or miss about actually checking because I’m lazy

how many blogs do you follow— 138. at least a few are inactive blogs I follow in hopes that they will return, especially my beloved missing mutuals

have you ever made a shitpost— I have a whole tag that’s a mix of shitposts and life updates. I should probably call it something other than crap but man I’ve been using that for a literal decade

how many times do you use tumblr a day—this is not a valid metric of measurement because I never leave lmao

have you ever fought another blog—I mean every once in a while I get into a back and forth but I’ve never done the anon hate bullshit or dogpiling that you see in the real vicious shit. who’s got time for that? I mean obviously some people do but I dont

how do you feel about “need to reblog” posts— sometimes they guilt me into it, mostly they piss me off. I don’t have to reblog shit and you can fuck right off

do you like tag games— I mean I’m doing one now aren’t I lmao

do you like ask games— yeah but I hardly ever get asks T__T

which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous— who even IS tumblr famous? I think fame levels really depends on what circle of hellsite you inhabit. anyway idk, I know @persephinae has easily double the followers I do and one of my inactive mutuals used to be pretty big in the homestuck fandom, but I definitely don’t have any mutuals on the levels of like bibliosphere or prokopetz etc

do you have a crush on a mutual— I love all my mutuals

tags— …… if you want to do this, I have tagged you. yes you. I give you my blessing to also fill out this informal survey and post it on your blog.

check in tag!

tagged by: @ggukkieland (hello!! I was tagged in this probably centuries ago and never got to complete it :’) but thank you for checking in on me, I’m back now and doing great! 🥰)

1. Why did you choose this URL?

For a couple of very simple reasons: #1 - it had to do something with writing. #2 - it had to do something with Jin. #3 - if it wasn’t punny somehow, then what’s even the point? 😂

But yeah, hope my readers can just imajin while they’re reading my stories~

2. Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

I do have a couple! 

@imaji-reads → this one is for my fanfic recommendations. I also have this page over here with some recs if anyone is looking for more reading material. 

@imaji-writes → this one is for any helpful writing advice I come across. As much as I love writing, I’m not an expert and always like to work towards improving, so keeping this blog around helps me alot! 

Aside for those two, I have a third blog I keep around for any funny/aesthetic posts I come across that aren’t BTS related. I’m part of a lot of fandoms, so I tend to fangirl on this blog a lot 🤭

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

February 2018! Although I didn’t start writing and officially posting until July-August.   

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I don’t have a specific queue tag for regular reblogs, but for my stories I’ll keep tags like ‘[insert story title] queued reblog’. This just helps to keep things organized and also allows me to check that I’ve reblogged my story a couple of times, because there’s moments where I can just forget 😅

5. Why did you start your blog?

I started my blog after being in the BTS fandom for a while and staying as a silent reader between 2016-2018. But in that time, I was so surprised with the different types of fanfics I came across and how good all of them were. This led me into thinking that it would be so much fun to create some of my own stories and share them as well. 

Lo and behold! I created justimajin in February of 2018. Although I created my blog at that time, I was going through some struggles (mainly medical issues) and was very close to deleting the blog in July-August. But I thought I would really regret not posting a single story so I tried my best and posted at least one of them (long story short, looks like I ended up staying after that 🤗)

6. Why did you choose your icon?

Because I wholeheartedly believe in purple hair Jin supremacy. 

7. Why did you choose your header?

The guys are laughing and smiling in it and it’s just so precious☺️ 

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

Probably my masterlist which is at roughly 1.4k. As for my stories now....I discovered the first part of A Lone Wolf’s Howl is at 1.2k notes?! 😳😳😳 Like how?!?

I guess werewolf! Jungkook really is a deal maker....

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I have a couple, but I not too sure of the exact number since they’re hidden and finding them is kind of tough. 

10. How many followers to you have?

Enough to start up a free hugs service. 

11. How many people do you follow?

Very few, but it’s a whole mix of different content creaters. 

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Nope. 

13.  How often do you use Tumblr in a day?

I try to check in daily (key word: try) but sometimes I just get too busy and have to quickly catch-up. 

14. Did you fight/have an argument with another blog once? Who won?

Oh damn 😳 I don’t really make a thing to square-up with somebody but if an argument were to break out, it would be me telling them they’re amazing and them refusing to acknowledge the truth. 

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Eh, I can see the point in them but people can make their own choices. 

16. Do you like tag games!

Of course! But I can be a potato sometimes and answer them super late 😔

17. Do you like ask games?

Yes, I do! 

18. Which one of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

Eh...famous is interesting word choice. Do I think they’re all incredible individuals and those that create are fantastic in what they do? 100% yes. Does famous kind of make them sound like celebrities when they’re really just people vibing/doing what they love....?

You get the point. 

19. Do I have a crush on a mutual?

@army-author - I absolutely adore her fics and they’re all so comforting <3 Written on our Veins and Gamomania are amongst my favourites and they’re listed on my fic recommendations for those that want to check them out! 

Also special shout-out to @ggukkiereads ​whose fic recommending skills are top tier and the blog is always a go to when I’m looking for something to read 🥰

20. Tags? - only if you want 😊

Oof, it’s been a while since I’ve been back here but if any my readers want to do it and tag me, I’d be glad to check them out!👀

I see loads of the blogs I follow say they check their followers and block inactive ones and im like... my blog may appear inactive but thats because I like things with my main to reblog on my second blog later when I have time, and I stopped posting to my main in 2020. I'm always worried I'm gonna get blocked. Can I genuinely ask why people block blogs that look like bots/are bots? Half my followers were bots at one point and it was annoying getting the notifications but ultimately I ignored it and nothing bad happened. It seems like a lot of effort for no reason I guess, but I've always been a more casual user anyway so maybe I'm missing something.

hmmmm I don't think there is an easy answer to this and I think it probably greatly varies for people, so I can only give you my own reasoning!! (also edit from after finishing: whenever I sound a little angry here I promise it is not @you anon, your question is super valid and I hope I could answer it sufficiently, I just get a little pissed about the low engagement in fandom!)

to my knowledge you are correct, there is no active harm that comes to you, the blogger from having bot followers! but the thing is these bots use the connection to your blog, which they create by interacting, to create a false impression of being 'real' accounts and therefore creating 'real' traffic for various porn and/or ad-heavy sites from my understanding (which I have to admit is limited) and maybe that doesn't hurt me, but I personally also do not enjoy the thought of it, so I block them! (also there is that thing where if we just let them do it and someone profits from it, there is a good chance it will increase and I imagine this could have gotten A LOT worse over the years if most people DIDN'T block!) another thing is that for a while there the spam-liking from bots was pretty intense to the point where I had posts where 60-70% of the notes were likes by bots and that was just extremely disheartening on a website where you are hoping for actual, real interaction so that was when I started to really diligently block all of them, even the ones that weren't following me, because they were genuinely drowning out everything else!! and then of course there were the bots that would reblog popular posts or personal posts and add links to it, which was also extremely annoying, so yeah, for bots my general rule has been to always block them when I notice them, because it just makes your life easier and also hopefully decreases the value of creating them!

now inactive blogs are a different topic! when I say inactive blogs I mean ones that NEVER WERE active (so if you were active before on your main, just aren't anymore these days, at least to me you are absolutely fine, and I assume to most other people as well, because if you have mutiple posts that actively show you were engaging with something, I will always assume that is a real person and leave it alone and also most people nowadays are aware of the whole main-blog/side-blogs thing!! so I think you don't have to worry too much about that, but if you are really worried, you could always pop a note about it being a semi-inactive main-blog into your header to be 100% safe ❤️❤️) the thing with completely inactive/empty blogs is that there has been an influx of them, especially ones that will only interact by liking posts, and I think a lot of people have already pointed this out, but LIKES DON'T DO ANYTHING FOR VISIBILITY ON TUMBLR, they are a little nod at the person who made the post and that's it and with how interaction especially on content posts in fandoms has severely decreased and if nobody reblogs our posts NOBODY WILL SEE THEM, it is just extremely annoying to see people who will only like posts! and if you have reblogged posts on your dash, just not mine, because maybe you don't like mine enough, then whatever, do you, that is fine to me, everyone has the right to reblog only what they want to, but if you just on principle never reblog anything, then I don't actually wan't you to be able to follow me and get easy access to my content, because you are making fandom worse by skewing interactions even further to likes instead of reblogs! and then I will absolutely block, because the low reblog-rates are REALLY FRUSTRATING for content creators!

quick sidenote for whoever may read this: REBLOG CONTENT YOU ENJOY OR CONTENT CREATORS WILL STOP CREATING IT FOR YOU, I can promise that is not an empty threat, that is a reality, because it is so so so fucking disheartening!

(in the overlap between these two categories exist A LOT of blogs that are a lot harder to judge, because from my experience a lof of pornbots would also variously just reblog popular posts with no rhyme or reason and then there were also the ones that would have like three reblogged posts, where one was like a super popular meme post, one someone's random fanfic and one a random personal post from someone with 2 notes, which to me for some reason was always really unsettling, but also makes it harder to distinguish between bots and people who are only sporadically reblogging random things 😬 and whether or not I block those depends kinda on what mood I am in 😅)

Can I please please request one where Natasha and Yelena have another younger sister (Y/N) and she gets badly injured and her older sisters are hysterical since they’re afraid to lose one they love the most

A Race Against Time | romanoff fam fic

Summary: Natasha and Yelena do their best to help their hurt younger sister.

Authors Note: Thanks for requesting!

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 |  Main Masterlist

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/twitalents

“Everybody alright?” Natasha asked as Alexei and Melina approached her and Yelena. The redhead herself definitely hadn’t gotten out of the whole ordeal without injuries. In fact, from Dreykov punching her to the fight against the Widows, and the fight against Antonia (not to mention the injuries from the past few days that she hadn’t taken care of), she was in some pain. However she didn’t worry about herself, she knew she’d be fine. She always was.

Natasha glanced over and spotted Y/N making her way over to them, too. From the distance, Natasha couldn’t tell that she was limping and was very hurt.

“I am clearly injured,” Melina deadpanned, causing Natasha to look back over and send her adoptive mother a smile as an apology. With a quick glance, Natasha could tell that she’d be okay, she’d just need a cast on that ankle and-

Thump.

The sound, accompanied by Yelena’s loud gasp and yelp, broke through Natasha’s thoughts and caused her to whip around suddenly. The sight her eyes landed on instantly sent what felt like an ice shard plunging into her chest. No. No.

By the time she snapped out of it, Yelena was already by Y/N’s unconscious figure, which the thump must have been - her plummeting to the ground - and Alexei was helping Melina over as fast as he could. Natasha sped past them and dropped to her knees, her brain wired to already be processing the situation and formulating a plan, while she lightly stopped Yelena’s wrist to prevent her from going to shake Y/N.

“You don’t move someone who is unconscious unless necessary - it could injure them,” she breathed out. Yelena, who could see that her older sister was in autopilot mode, sat back and let her do her thing, opting to look up at her parents, instead.

Both their eyes were glued to Y/N. Alexei’s eyebrows crinkled and, after taking a big breath, muttered (just loud enough for them to hear), “There’s blood on you.”

Natasha’s eyes snapped down and sure enough, her knees were bloodied. She quickly looked up only to see blood beginning to come from Y/N’s stomach where she had fallen on her side. Closing her eyes for a moment to allow herself to think, Natasha carefully and gently pulled up Y/N’s shirt, only to see an open gash in the shape of the Widow hourglass.

“Wha-?” She said, barely forming a word, and Yelena leaned over to see.

She immediately began shaking her head and pushed Y/N onto her back. “I-I know what this is, I think. I remember hearing about a weapon that’d leave that mark,” she rambled out.

Melina peered over Natasha’s shoulder and when she saw it, her face went pale. “That-that weapon, it ejects a blast that makes that mark when it meets the skin. It was made as a precaution in case any of the Widows went rogue - it was made years ago. But only a few were made because they were so confident in themselves. It-it goes along with a process they constructed to re-brainwash the Widows. The blast gets under her skin, in her body, with a chemical that’s in it, and that chemical starts the brainwashing process,” she explained.

A park of hope entered Yelena’s eyes. “So she won’t be fully brainwashed?” She asked.

“Not without the rest of the procedure,” Melina began, but then her eyes widened when she remembered something and horror quickly flashed across her face. “But if the process isn’t completed within a certain time period, the chemical will wear off its brainwashing effects and instead will start hurting her . . . A lot . . . But I have an antidote-” her tone sped up now, “-It’s back at the house. We need to get her there.”

Natasha and Yelena nodded, both having gone through a great wave of emotions throughout Melina’s words. Yelena, while racked with worry, still remained hopeful, and Natasha did her best to be, too, but her tears were drying and she was sniffling.

“The jet is-” Alexei began to say, when the sound of the engines of cars rapidly approaching cut him off.

Natasha looked over. “Shit, Ross,” she said, regretting even tipping him off to their location in the first place.

Melina bit her lip. “You girls go. Take Y/N home. The antidote is labelled ‘Ant-Widow,’,” she told them firmly.

Yelena’s lips parted to protest, not wanting to split up, but catching Natasha picking up Y/N out of the corner of her eye stopped her. She nodded, rising to her feet.

“We’ll distract them. They won’t want anything to do with us when they realize you’re not here,” Melina insisted.

Natasha sent her a look that she could only hope was conveying everything she wanted it to. A million thoughts whizzed about in her mind, none making room for each other. She wondered, would they leave them alone? Or would they be taken into questioning? Shouldn’t she be the one facing Ross - since she called him there? Is Y/N going to be okay? Will they get there in time?

By the way Melina looked back at her, Natasha thought that her message had been received. There was no time to go over the plan any longer, if they stayed even a couple more seconds they’d get caught by Ross, whose army of cars headed to a halt.

Natasha bolted off in the jet’s direction, Yelena quick on her heels. They rushed inside and Natasha took her time to gently put Y/N down before going to the pilot seat. Yelena sat down in the back, wanting to watch over their little sister.

Neither of them said anything until Natasha had gotten them off the ground and away from the field. Yelena could hear the engine whirring and she knew that Natasha was going as fast as this aircraft could probably go.

“Natasha,” she said, her voice small and hesitant, reminding Natasha of her own self when she was younger. The redhead braced herself for her sister’s words. “Do you think we’ll get there in time?”

Natasha let out a slow yet steady breath, fighting back the urge to tell her not to say that. She wondered the same thing, and she hated it. She didn’t answer, though, because she didn’t want to lie. She didn’t know herself, and she also hated that.

Yelena looked down in defeat when she didn’t get an answer and continued watching Y/N. She couldn’t stop herself from worrying and when she spotted the other injuries — bruises, cuts, scrapes — littering her body, she got up and went to the back.

The blonde grabbed the med kit they had stored and went back, quickly opening it up and getting everything she needed. First, bandages. Yelena put pressure on the wound even though she knew it wouldn’t bleed out, and a twinge of guilt hit her when Y/N moved and groaned unconsciously.

She then wrapped up Y/N’s stomach and tended to her other injures, every so often glancing at Natasha, who she could see by the way she was sitting up straight that she was tense. Upset. Worried. Yelena had to admit she was feeling those same things but busied herself by taking care of Y/N.

This carried on and they were about ¾ there when everything shifted. Y/N, who had been mostly quiet throughout the journey, suddenly rolled onto her side, eyes opening with a startled gasp.

Natasha frantically looked up at Yelena and the latter jumped to resolve the situation. Gently, she put her hands on her younger sister’s shoulders and tried to turn her onto her back, but Y/N fought her off and scurried back, against the wall.

“Y/N,” Yelena said, slowly putting her hands up in a “surrender” gesture.

The younger one shook her head as tears began to flow down her cheeks. “It-it hurts,” she got out, wrapping her arms around herself.

Yelena sent Natasha a frightened, desperate look and the glint in Natasha’s eyes held tears in them. “I can’t go any faster!” She cried out in frustration, her anger at her helplessness beginning to grow.

Yelena turned back to Y/N. “Take deep breaths with me, okay?” She said, and took a couple deep breaths to show her. It took Y/N a second, but she followed along. However, the pain didn’t take a break for long, and quickly came crashing back to her, like a magnet.

She let out another cry, but this one filled with that much more anguish, desperation, a pure rage from wanting it to be over, a rage that nearly caused her to vomit. Y/N leaned forward, hoping that there was something - anything - that could relieve this pain for even just a second. The warmth she was soon filled with from her older sister’s arms wrapping around her and pulling her close did nothing to soothe pain, but she found someone to have a steady grip on, someone to hold.

This continued on. In every cry let out, Yelena could’ve sworn each one was louder than the last. She didn’t know what to do so she did the only thing she could and stayed there. After  a particularly loud cry from Y/N, Yelena couldn’t stop a “Natasha!” from escaping.

“I’m trying!” She shouted over the engine and over Y/N, doing her best to blink away the tears and focus, but everytime she was on the brink of it, something tore her away.

After what felt like what could only be described as eons, Natasha managed to touch down in the same spot she had just a day ago. The moment they made contact, she leapt out of her seat, nearly tumbling to the floor, and practically fell against the door.

“Stay with her,” was all she said to Yelena before pushing all her weight against the door and breaking off into a run towards the house.

Natasha had run fast before. To escape Antonia, on countless SHIELD missions, and even to beat Sam in a race, but none amounted to this. The mountains and trees whipped by so fast that she felt like she was in a race car and it made her head spin. Nonetheless (and she thanked her extensive training for that), Natasha’s stamina held out and she ran through the house, tripping over things and knocking others over, until she reached Melina’s office.

At first, everything looked like a normal office space for a normal business woman, but the underlying science and spy secrecy that she knew had to be inside was revealed. Cabinets upon cabinets filled with vials upon vilas and files upon files. She scoured the entire room and nearly dropped the green-filled file when she saw its label. This was it.

A moment of victory passed until Natasha remembered the weight of the situation and she got back on her feet, running like the wind, and leaving behind the office looking like some raccoons had gotten inside.

By the time she reached the top of the hill, Natasha could make out the outline of Yelena carrying Y/N (who was draped over her like a curtain, by the way) toward her.

They met in the middle and Yelena put Y/N down, the older sisters kneeling beside her. Y/N was half-conscious at this point and Natasha moved at the speed of light to get the vial lid off. “She was getting worse, I couldn’t wait!” Yelena yelled.

When she got it open, Natasha pushed it towards Y/N’s lips. “Y/N, honey, c’mon, you gotta drink,” she encouraged, hand trembling as Y/N attempted to fight her off. It was only Yelena running her hands through her hair that calmed her down, and she took a small sip of the vial’s contents at first before gulping it down.

When she stopped squirming and seemed to no longer be in pain, instead falling into a peaceful sleep, that’s when both Natasha and Yelena had calmed down. It had been a rollercoaster, but they did it, and she was okay. The two held each other, relieved.  

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