#living just to find emotion
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arrogant villain x flirty hero 🥺
“If you listen—” the villain pushed them against the door “—closely, really closely, you might understand that I don’t have time for you today.”
The villain was close enough to press a kiss to the hero’s lips. The hero loved that.
“Hmm, what a shame. Usually you’re so adamant about seeing me.” They couldn’t help but smirk when the villain scrunched their nose.
“Funny.” With another condescending look they reached for the doorknob. “You’re so funny.”
The hero slapped the villain’s arm with enough force to push the villain off balance.
“You, my love, aren’t going anywhere,” they said and to their surprise, the villain didn’t only look offended but also surprised.
“You wanna fight? Is that it?” they asked.
Today the villain seemed more riled up than usual. The hero could only suspect it had something to do with a deal or an upcoming meeting. For the past few months, the villain had been more active, had been pulling strings in the background constantly.
Admittedly, the hero didn’t know why. And that bothered them.
“Well, if you insist…” They wiggled with their eyebrows. Usually, wooing the villain was their favourite activity but with the villain this agitated, they didn’t really know if they were pushing too far.
The villain sighed and reached for the doorknob again.
“Hey, hey…are you really going to leave your nemesis in your hotel room like that?” the hero asked.
“I was planning on locking you in here so I don’t have to see your stupid face.”
The hero giggled.
“Last time you told me I have a pretty face.”
“Changed my mind.”
“My god, fine. Just go to your villains and leave me here all alone…” the hero said, pulling the villain closer, as if their tone wasn’t dramatic enough already. The hero got a hold of the villain’s jawline, chests pressed against each other. “…let me die here of boredom…without my villain…”
Another sigh.
The villain frowned and finally, finally, the hero could spot a blush on their cheeks.
“How did you even get in here?” The villain didn’t pull away. Quite the contrary, they leaned against them.
“I heard there were a few villains meeting in this hotel’s restaurant today. Simply had to see if my lover was going to be here.”
“We’re not lovers,” the villain whispered. But in the same breath: “Do you know how dangerous this is?”
“Are you asking me or yourself?” the hero asked. “You don’t have to go down there, you know? We can stay here. Get to know each other more.”
“I think I know you too well to use that as an excuse. I have to go down there.” They looked at the ground before they looked at the hero again.
“You’re scared,” the hero said. Their hand found the villain’s shoulder and their thumb ran along their collarbone gently.
“I am,” the villain whispered. “But this is really important.”
“It’s about power, isn’t it?”
“…yeah.”
“Don’t you have enough already? Do you really need to risk your life for more?” the hero asked. They wanted the villain to stay like this forever. To lean against them, to look at them this way.
“Yeah. Sorry, love.” Before the hero could respond, the villain kissed them hard and the hero was so surprised, they could barely open their mouth. However, the villain didn’t give them enough time to enjoy it. They pulled away almost immediately. For the last time, they reached for the doorknob. “See ya.”
They disappeared, leaving the frozen hero in the hotel room by themselves.
Later, the hero found out the meeting wasn’t about discussing power dynamics and making evil deals. It was about the hero.
#living just to find emotion#writing snippet#heroxvillain prompt#heroxvillain snippet#heroes and villains#hero#villain#hero x villain#heroxvillain#an answer for an ask#request#arrogant villain#flirty hero
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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watching the sdcc panel and i am just very :) about how sweet their answers to “what are some of the micro moments from the game that have stuck with you the most over the years?” are. taliesin saying what the fuck is up with that which was the first like The Party Gets To Know Each Other moments of c3. travis saying asking his wife if he could kiss her in campaign. marisha going way back to the cannonball competition in campaign one. ashley choosing the beauyasha date but also just the silly goat noise matt made. liam adding onto that to compliment matt roleplaying grass so well and then saying his favourite moment was writing a story for laura and reading it to her as caleb for jester. and then matt saying that was his answer, and that his favourite moments of the game are when they find ways to give gifts to each other whether tangible or not. and sam saying his favourite moments have less to do with the story and is more so when he can just. see his friends across the table from him. when marisha perches and when laura and ashley are (badly) drawing dicks and liam saying he loves when sam sneezes and ashley tells him to stop it and just. yeah. they Are an extremely popular online powerhouse, but i’m so happy that they’re also friends building a world together out of gifts to and love for one another.
like i Am so enamoured with the characters and the world of exandria but the moments when you can feel the love that those people have for each other reach out from behind the stained glass of their performances (to steal a metaphor from brennan lee mulligan) are so extremely special and i am endlessly grateful that they decided to share their silly little home game with the world.
#it’s just the. laura and travis’ characters always being supportive of one another when they’re facing hardship#taliesin and marisha consistently making characters who challenge one another and still protect each other relentlessly#all of them being so fond of ashley’s characters always and literally seeing them light up in c1 episodes when ash got to join in person#sam and liam always making characters who offer one another reprieves into kindness that they don’t always get in the campaign setting#liam making orym after falling in love with keyleth as vax#marisha making laudna after matt’s storytelling with delilah and choosing vex as her body double#ashley using ‘i would like to rage’ and matt having kord ask her where she finds her strength#laura and matt always weaving these deeply complicated and emotional interactions between a daughter and a father#the gasps and yells and clapping when matt makes cool sound effects or reveals a map or breaks/ends on a cliff hanger#them ending both campaign 1 and 2 with ‘what a great/nice story’ and travis saying ‘let’s do it again!’#and it’s like. yes yes i love the comics and i’m a fan of tlovm but . seeing this well produced thing that somehow mimics#the feeling i get sitting in my living room laughing with my roommates about my ranger’s giant rat failing to climb stairs#it’s very special it’s very sweet#critical role#sdcc 2023#taliesin jaffe#travis willingham#marisha ray#ashley johnson#liam o’brien#matthew mercer#laura bailey#sam riegel#cr cast#critical role cast#my posts
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Continuation/blurb/snippet from this writing prompt.
It took less than a week to get custody of the Fenton children.
Oswald expected that it wouldn’t take long with his connections, but even that turn around is faster than what he expected. He'd anticipated pulling strings, greasing palms, maybe making some threats, but before he can even think of getting things moving to do so the paperwork is signed and a social worker is calling him to sort out the travel arrangements for the kids.
It's all done local, the judge, CPS, the witnesses and lawyers, each and every one calling the town home. Each and every one pushing the case through at a speed that Oswald didn't think was possible even in the most crooked of situations. He smelled conspiracy, but not - surprisingly - a malicious one.
Amity wasn't the smallest place in the world, but it was small enough. And the Fentons were public figures, though not in the way that Jack and Maddie Fenton obviously thought they were. How long had the people of Amity been watching things go wrong for the kids? How long had they been trying - in their own, limited ability - to help? Long enough to get desperate, seemed to be the answer.
The only resistance Oswald can find as he reviewed all the information he could get ahold of, was from the Mayor - Jazz and Danny's godfather, somehow more crooked than even Gotham's elected officials as far as Oswald could tell - and the Dr's. Fenton themselves.
The Mayor was summarily denied any influence of the case by the judge on the grounds of the long standing and publicly recorded ugliness of Master's relationship with Danny - which was something else Oswald was going to have to figure out. Along with all the…ghost stuff.
Oswald wasn't sure what to make of the ghost stuff.
Honestly he was leaving it for his people to figure out and wrangle into a reasonable explanation to report to him later. It was…something, a big something, and not - as he'd originally suspected upon initial cursory research into the town - a tourist gimmick or an overly high meta population. A later problem, provided he had to co tend with it at all once the children were officially in his custody in Gotham.
The biggest issue had been the kid's parents. Or really, the biggest issue had been the shady government agency backing the kids' parents.
The Fentons were the Ghost Investigation Ward's pet mad scientists. Creating weapons and genocidal plans - against ghosts - and generally tormenting the towns' living inhabitants just as much as the undead ones. The GIW had been protecting Jack and Maddie from any repercussions of their recklessness, and were willing to butt in on an unexpected custody battle in order to keep their maniacal golden geese happily working away.
From what Oswald had heard, a representative of the GIW had shown up to convince the judge to dismiss the case, but the judge had been faster. By the time the men in all white appeared - garish and tacky in their ill fitted, bulky suits - it had been too late of course. The judge had apparently anticipated their impending appearance and had made their ruling and had everything filed tidily late the night before. Courts did not typically stay running til three in the morning, but apparently an exception had been made.
There were a great many things wrong with Amity Park - wrong in a lot of ways they were in Gotham, wrong in ways they weren't - but the people that called the place home seemed to have come to a decision on one thing: the Fenton children were not safe, and unknown or not they were trusting Oswald to get them out of there.
It was strange and a little overwhelming, for an entire population that did not know him to see him as some kind of hope. Some kind of hero.
There were many, many things wrong in Amity Park.
He tried to assure himself when everything was said and done and the kids were packed and on their way that it wasn't his problem. He was officially Jazz and Danny's guardian, in a city half a country away that even with his - nominally- cleaned up act he held a great deal of power over. He was nearly untouchable within Gotham's shadow, and no one from some half-mad town was going to be able to do anything to change that.
He made preparations though, just in case. He hadn’t gotten where he was by being stupid. The Bat could use something to chew on that wasn't one of Oswald's entirely legitimate business ventures anyway. An ethically suspect government agency that was likely to come sticking their noses in Gotham's business sooner than later would do just nicely for that, and might even earn him some kind of grace from Gotham's brooding knight without getting him in hot water with any of the city's criminal element.
All that was left at that point was actually meeting the kids in person.
His kids.
He ignored the strange, bittersweet ache that touched his heart at that. It was, after all, entirely a means of improving his reputation in the city. The kids mean an end. He'd take care of him the same he did all his people, but not any more than that.
It was just business.
If he reminded himself enough, it might even be true one day.
He suspected though, as he laid eyes on them for the first time - shadow eyed and leery, haunted in a way that ghosts couldn't manage and looking not much at all like Oswald outside the fear and the pain he did his best to forget from his own upbringing - that the point of not caring had been passed the minute he'd gotten that first call.
*
Apologies if Penguin is out of character, all I know about him is what I vaguely remember from TAS, what I’ve absorbed from fandom and what I tried to put together from a wiki lol.
I did this instead of sleeping last night because I couldn’t get the initial idea out of my head (which slightly defeats the purpose of making it a writing prompt so that I could just read everyone else’s wonderful thoughts and writings on the idea instead of getting side tracked from my other writing projects - again lol - but oh well).
I don’t know if I’ll write anymore, and as with everything else I post this is open for anyone who is interested to run with.
Tag time!
@phoenixdemonqueen @justgray15777 @gin2212 @blankliferain @meira-3919 @lexdamo @hallowsden @derpygirl64 @thewondersoflebanon @amercurio @vythika96 @my-perfect-storybook-love @apointlessbox
#dp x dc#dc x dp#Danny Phantom#batman#the penguin#oswald cobblepot#jazz fenton#danny fenton#danny and jazz get adopted by oswald cobblepot#amity parkers have figured out what's going on and are just trying to help keep the fenton children alive#the GIW have been interfering to keep CPS from getting involved#Lancer was one (1) day away from leading an armed militia against Fenton Works to get Danny and Jazz the fuck out of there#Oswald unknowingly saved Jack & Maddie's lives by getting involved when he did#he'll probably regret that when he finds out more about what the fuck is actually going on#the GIW are gonna have a bad time once Batman (and the JL) get wind of the fucked up shit they're up to#Penguin: just a straight forward PR stunt where I adopt these kids and then I don't have to have any emotions about that fact#Amity Park: *is fucked up*#Danny & Jazz: *is even more fucked up*#Danny & Jazz: look sad and scared and#Penguin: I'm a dad now#the batkids are just worried Bruce's adoption addiction is spreading
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fionna's world being represented by a dandelion makes so much sense ... they're weeds. yet people make wishes through them, changing their whole meaning from something meant to be destroyed to something hopeful.
dandelions are also resilient and it makes sense that something associated with them would. you know. perservere despite the destruction caused by the scarab.
but ultimately i think what REALLY made me tear up over this is that dandelions are really boring plants. when you're a kid you blow on them and make your wish but they're not eyecatching or anything but still, fionna's final wish was for her old world to still exist as it was when she left it (> plain and simple. boring even).
like the moment she realized she would lose her friends, and that her friends might forget each other if the world got its magic back, she immediately decided she didn't want it and I think that ties back to the dandelion metaphor so well... like, do you really need magic to be real to find it everywhere? or can you turn something boring into something magical?
#remi rambles#fionna and cake#f&c spoilers#sorry i have many Not Silly thoughts about the finale#i looove fionna she was such a wonderful character .. so well written and real TO ME#shes my best friend shes my everything shes silly she makes me so emotional#like even when simon told her he was gonna wear the crown to get the magic back to her world#< the moment she realized he would go crazy she started to think about it#like she wont sacrifice a friend just to get what she really wants#i really loved her journey through the show idk#going from being so over her routine > finding out magic can be dark too > making her own magical world just by loving her friends#like its so much more than 'the power of friendship will save us!!'#yes she saved the world thanks to the love she had for her friends but it was backed up by a full journey beforehand#i think. the line about having functional toilets (while still being a p good joke) makes the point so much clearer#we have been to the end of the universe and back but we have functioning toilets !!!#like do u get it. do i sound crazy#< crazy person voice#anyway yes im done sorry#live laugh love fionna and cake
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one thing i love about the ofmd fandom is that the show established that ed and stede love each other, and we decided we were going to make sure that happened again in EVERY universe
#scarrlet rambles#ofmd#our flag means death#if i think about it for too long i get emotional#they find each other as kids#they find each other as animals#even animals that can’t live in the same spaces#and they fall in love anyway#i know none of this is a new concept but#they just make me so happy together
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oh everyone and their DISCLAIMERS about how “lokius will never be canon because disney and marvel are awful, but”........ well I have nothing to lose so. fuck disclaimers! this is my idea of fun! what if it CAN and WILL be canon, huh? what if the story is gonna go where it seems to be headed. what if I say they’re going to kiss on international streaming television. who’s gonna stop me
#I was in the tag on here again so. midnight shitpost time#lokius#but for real the disclaimers are like.... idk#are there Assigned Queerbaiting cops???? or are we policing each other#before anyone takes this too seriously yes I get it’s about ‘hopes’ and keeping fervor down and whatever#but the pendulum swing is just. tiring#to the extent that it has swung#sorry this is not articulate unlike my tweets on this topic semi recently#I will not let the corporations steal my joy preemptively or disappoint me preemptively. if they’re going to I’ll cross that bridge later#otherwise I find it far more exciting and entertaining to presume we live in a world where we get nice things#let me reach for the stars. because by God one day we WILL hit them#also per usual: abolish the nonsense word queerbaiting. Thank you and goodnight#PS I am not actually mad at fans protecting themselves and their emotions. I get the baseline reason. I am annoyed by The Situation#and with the use of the word ‘queerbaiting’ it all rooted in a fundamentally stupid or incorrect or shifting premise#chars loki posts
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jasico server was chatting about the cupid scene and jason getting nico's memories blasted straight into his brain and how jason being shot with one of cupid's arrows while with nico and this was just never brought up in canon again and now i'm thinking like...what if that's just how cupid's arrows work? not by magically manifesting love for someone out of nothing, but by giving someone the perspective that'd make them fall in love naturally? jason gets a front row seat to nico's memories and instantly understands him intimately and can trust him completely without any doubt or suspicion
so what if jason, after slowly realizing he's totally in love with nico, just thought back to the arrow incident and it made him second-guess everything? because maybe he's only feeling this way because cupid hit him with an arrow with only nico was around and it's no different than any other god messing with his love life
#i live for anything that drags out the pining/pre-relationship period as long as possible okay#give me the drama of jason frustrated about constantly being manipulated by gods#in love with nico but convinced it's just cupid fucking with him and not wanting nico to get dragged into it#maybe telling nico eventually because he's having trouble hiding his feelings and he doesn't wanna hurt nico by confusing him#which is of course an emotional rollercoaster for nico#hearing jason say he's in love with him only to then immediately hear that it's just godly fuckery#nico agreeing to help jason find cupid to get it reversed because he knows how much it sucks having feelings for someone unwillingly#and he doesn't want jason stuck mooning over someone like him just because he was unkucky enough to be with nico for the cupid incident#whole quest in which nico develops feelings in return and angsts because he's sure jason only feels that way because of the arrow#maybe a slip-up in the middle somewhere with nico accidentally revealing he likes jason back before backpedaling wildly#so now jason has hope despite himself because he'd never really thought it was possible anyway given nico's feelings for percy#and he doesn't like being manipulated by gods but he doesn't mind the idea of being in love with nico#and what if he just gave up on the hunt for cupid entirely and let it happen#while nico feels guilty since clearly it's just cupid arrow magic fucking with jason and he's enabling it#and then of course when they finally find cupid he explains how his arrows work and that he can't just FORCE someone to be in love#no more than hera could with jason and piper by fucking with their memories to push them together#cupid's methods are just way more effective#my tag babble ended up longer than the actual post oh my god#pjo#jasico#my dumb headcanons
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Here he is!
The one
The only
Husband and Romance Partner to Cody Walsh himself
LOOSE BARON!!!
he's not exactly how I planned but I'm not going back to change it now lol
made sure to add the oogie boogie tattoo that made Cody fall inlove with him too lmao
#is this cursed? definitely!#but ngl so was the chaos of the 2nd London live show! i can't believe i actually saw it!!! (IT WAS SO GOOD!!!)#my friend who is completely new to d20 but came with me as my emotional support tall guy also thought it was awesome!!!#(tho he had absolutely zero clue to what was happening besides kinda knowing the fh characters)#but anyways i just had to draw our dear loose baron bc holy shit i love him guys#he is so weird and pathetic#so perfect for Cody#the battle to save Calorum from slowly turning into Pinocchio via punching the nightmare king to let Cody have Loose Barons hand in marriag#was honestly quite thrilling#loose baron#time quangle#time quangle live#time quangle spoilers#loose duke#baron from the baronies#dimension 20#d20#same emotional support tall guy will be so disappointed if he finds out forgot to make dinner bc I was drawing this and it's now nearly 6am#so now i shall make dinner - so if you've read the tags this far thankyou and good night :D
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one.
wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3#i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai#after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where#it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.
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Man why is writing so hard today? I literally sat down at my computer and typed for a solid hour and a half and it was utter garbage. But the more I looked at it the less I could figure out how to fix it! So I pulled up PS and decided to draw instead but every image just flew out of my head I couldn't do it and really I should be writing and man my eyes hurt. My whole face hurts kinda, actually, but my eyes really hurt and it's so hard to focus and it shouldn't be this hard and-- Jesus Christ it's 1am and I only got 3 hours of sleep last night.
#spazzcat barks#delete later#one of the silliest things about being Too Tired is your brain gets so confused you forget youre tired#and just end up being confused about why youre confused instead#why is life so hard why are my emotions eratic why do i feel like i deeply Need something that isnt food or water why do i long for#companionship but find talking deeply bothersome like im pulling from a dry well why do my eyes teeth face hurt why is moving hard why is#the very idea of doing literally anything so exhausting is this depression am i depressed have i lost joy in life what if my friends hate me#what if im worthless what if ive suddenly lost the ability to live a full and healthy life why are me emotions so eratic right now why--#-- oh shit i need sleep#huh#how did i manage to forget that?#anyway im going to bed now lol#sometimes the Big Existential Questions have an easy answer and that easy answer is bedtime
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My personal feelings in the Fionna and Cake ending is that it was perfect.
The story showed about how we can only control what is in our very personal and small world and not worry about or take on the responsibilities of that outside ourself.
We will make mistakes and wish we could rewrite them over and over and over until it’s perfect but we can’t. We will hate aspects of our lives and adore aspects of lives we don’t know the intricacies or hardships of but we can not insert ourselves. We have our own lives to live and rather than define it by a given purpose let us define the purpose as we go along. Not everything is revealed when it’s over, you may not get the answers but it’s okay to go somewhere and not know.
Some endings are happy, some are sad and some are just that, endings. They don’t have neat little bows or a “The End” on the last page but they allow us to put the past down and move on to whatever else lies ahead.
#Betty is a chaos god Simon is just a guy and it’s okay their worlds don’t match them or each other any more#change happened and the more they fought it the more it hurt them#fionna learned this is just her life and that’s fine#I think people expecting a big emotional ending forget the show was mainly about after the healing process when you are just allowed to#drift and find what to do next like Simon or a sedimentary moment like fionna#everyone more or less already moved on they just needed to accept it like Simon finally did#and fionna had to except sometimes the moment is all there is and you have to move with it and not past#betty Simon fionna made their choices and now they live with them there is no change only being heard and they all got that and the peace#they could gain from it and ya missed the point if you think someone was cheated or their fate was left ambiguous or unfair#they are going to be what they are now fionna a non magical normal woman#simon a guy out of his time but okay about it#and Betty a being past itself and the world#it’s not extravagant but it’s what it should be the world goes on and sometimes the only change is you noticing it’s still spinning#fionna and cake#adventure time
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what if i just pretend like he gets something else to hold the branches together
#crunchyposts#mcu#loki spoilers#was it a good ending? was it a bad ending? did i like it? did i dislike it? i genuinely unironically cannot answer any of these questions#i just cannot handle tragedies and unhappy endings#so to me he steps out he goes to bind it together and sylvie stops him#so in my head she steps out after him and she finds a diff solution#<- i say sylvie does it to justify why he was so emotional over it#and also im in the sylki trenches still i do not care block me if you dont like it#but then hes not forever trapped there and im fine and hes fine and theyre fine and im fine and im not anxious at all like i get w tragedie#my other option is sylvie goes with him so they both live in their worst nightmares but together#but like. i dont want pain rn lol so im sticking with the happy one
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"Maybe seeing you okay [in the Rakshasa-induced nightmares] will make it more okay."
Hold on. I need. I need to lie down.
They're using the bracelets to try to share Gillion's nightmares so that Chip can comfort him and help him through them.
That is.
That is so intimate. Holy shit.
I'm losing my mind I'm gnawing on the bars of my enclosure I'm going feral I--
#this goat is the only gif i could find that accurately reflects my emotions rn#if this works i swear to God i will be living in their walls just hissing 'allegaytionssssss' at them at day#jrwi riptide#jrwi fnc
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i think what hits most about nobara's backstory is everything that's left unsaid and peaks from between the lines. it's the fact you can easily infer that something was wrong without ever having clear answers on what exactly was wrong. but if you can relate to the feeling of wanting to escape a place and the alienation from everyone around you, especially when you're brought up in small communities, then you can certainly understand, if not fully then partially, nobara herself and the struggles she might have had to face all by herself for a very long time; maybe even the importance fumi and saori had in her life and the pain from having to part from them; and, perhaps the selectiveness in letting people in that she later on develops as well.
#the way her story is told from fumi's point of view is quite interesting#nobara's backstory is like a silent whisper without a lot of obvious context and told from someone else's perspective#someone who until the end never really understood her fully despite their obvious close bond#someone who we weren't even aware was part of her life#and nobara's peak emotional moment and the last person she thinks as her life is in danger is her and the promise she didn't accomplish#a promise to reunite with the friends that shaped her and her life#ah.#i find her last line so... powerful?#she definitely struggled growing up and the only two people she kept in her heart from her life before jujutsu were people that#moved to where she lived. saori didn't even stay in that place for long. and then she moves somewhere new and she meets people#and a group that actually feels like home a community where she fits in and suddenly they kind of break through making place in her heart#just for everything to come to a halt. to turn to shit. for her to see that shatter away little by little. and in the end she's put in a#position where she knows she will not be able to hold on to what she cares for the most. that she will hurt people that truly cared for her#for not being able to go back to fumi and rekindle the friendship with saori and for being forced to be another punch in the guts for yuuji#and everyone else that up until that point were forced to go through losses already and traumatic events#and she decides to encourage yuuji to go on a good note and she truly believes the people she met made it worth it#even if it was for a brief moment in her life#i am not being coherent right now but it pains me :')#she deserved so much better#and i will hang on tightly to the line saying that she had a small chance of survival until the end#because she deserves it she deserves to live 😭#i'm taking her from that stupid anime and putting her in a slice of life anime watch me#yuuji too. and everyone else. i'm taking the kaisen out of the jujutsu and you can't stop me#jjk spoilers#nobara kugisaki#jujutsu kaisen#jjk 💭#my post
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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