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cothica-keywitch · 8 months

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Really tired of everyone acting like they have these super active sex lives. It's like it's a joke made by Neurotypicals to fucking have another excuse to mock autistics, because that's like their entire life mission, just find excuses to abuse anyone seen as weird

#actually autistic #socially awkward #autism mood #autistic life #autistic adult #rejection sensitive dysphoria #literally the only way I can view it & not want to commit not alive

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ossifer-bones · 6 months

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the paul poll compelled me to just quickly write up my little opinion piece on paul and necromancy in the tlt verse bcs tags are a pain in the ass to elaborate on my opinion in: paul horrifies me. i think that a lot of people read palamedes' interpretation of lyctorhood as being some sort of objective truth and that there is a right way to do lyctorhood and paul is it, but i just don't agree with that; i think in a series rife with unreliable narrators, palamedes' views on lyctorhood should be considered as subjective as any other person's.

“Can one person even be two people? I feel like I’ve only got enough room inside for me, and sometimes like that room’s not even enough.” “Lyctors can,” said Palamedes, “or at least—they thought they could; in fact all they became were half-dead cannibals. I think a true Lyctorhood is a mutual death … a gravitational singularity creating something new. A true Grand Lysis, rather than the Petty Lysis of the megatheorem [...]

what he says here about lysis is in response to nona asking if one person can be two people, and thus it is a very loaded statement when coming from someone heralding from a society where the extreme co-dependence of the fundamentally unequal necro/cav bond is encouraged, especially considering camilla and palamedes are called out by others from that same society as being an exemplary case of co-dependence in that department!

camilla and palamedes are arguably more equal than any other cav/necro pair in series, in part due to that co-dependence, but we even see in NtN that cam does stuff that undercuts that equality (telling pyrrha to lie to palamedes, 'don't tell him i was weak'). and that equality, that love, is shown to be thought of as coming at the cost of freedom: when palamedes says, “I cannot bear the thought of using you.”—camilla responds, “Love and freedom don’t coexist, Warden.”

in the end, every permutation of the necro and cav pairing is irrevocably descended from john + alecto's example and while i think beauty can be found in some of them, they all suffer from the same fundamental imbalance that bond hinges on; nonconformity abates it, but abolishment is required for real freedom from it. the so-called indelible sin of lyctorhood is just an echo of the original sin john committed.

If there was one thing Gideon knew about necromancers, it was that they needed power. Thanergy—death juice—was abundant wherever things had died or were dying. Deep space was a necro’s nightmare, because nothing had ever been alive out there, so there were no big puddles of death lying around for Harrow and her ilk to suck up with a straw.

necromancy necessitates consumption, taking by its very nature: death, especially violent death, is what fuels it—infants producing more thanergy on death is literally a noted phenomena! paul's birth, while it could be seen as triumphant in the sense of it being an act of creation, is literally identified by palamedes himself as a mutual death, death being required to fuel it the same as any other necromantic working. i don't want to say 'necromancy is fundamentally evil' but uh... it is irrevocably tied into john's conception of human nature: "This is the problem, the incorporation, this is the hardest part … It’s the human instinct, to take."

something i always point out about camilla and palamedes' grand lysis is theparallel with gideon and harrow's incomplete petty lysis: both come about as a result of a fully-realised lyctor (ianthe, cytherea) having cornered the pair, resulting in both being threatened with imminent death (camilla critically injured and palamedes facing expulsion from naberius when ianthe re-emerges; harrow necromantically spent and gideon having suffered multiple injuries, both going to die when cytherea breaks through the bone dome). paul's birth only happened as a direct result of the continuation of the lyctoral cycle of violence, with ianthe in cytherea's position; per palamedes, “I am not saying this was our inevitable end … I am saying we have found the best and truest and kindest thing we can do in this moment.”

paul may be the best and truest and kindest thing cam and pal could've done in that moment, but that moment should've never came to pass: the codependency instilled into them through their society, the violence that put them in that position, and the consumptive necromancy that made paul possible. paul is horrifying because they are the most hopeful and kind thing, and they are the product of two people, one sans his own body, undergoing mutual death to fuel their birth.

they're the truest response to one flesh, one end: an oath purportedly coined by cristabel and alfred, who compelled their necromancers to ascend via a suicide pact.

valancy says one flesh one end sounds like instructions for a sex toy. can’t stop thinking about that so can someone stop cris and alfred before the sex toy phrase catches on, thanks.

did the sex toy phrase really need a response?

#the locked tomb #nona the ninth spoilers

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olreid · 1 year

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riverdale is.. schrodinger's show? ??

lol re tags on this post i assume? this is actually alfie @hypokeimena's phrase #alfiepilled and literally just means that he does not watch the show but does watch us watch the show and so always at any time any plot point or series of events is possible because riverdale exists in a state of totipotency right up until the moment of viewing the footage to see what actually happened which again he crucially never does.

HOWEVER i have adopted this phrase into my own riverdale lexicon because i think it helps to get at something which is usually kind of difficult to articulate about riverdale's method. riverdale, more than your typical tv program, IS a show where anything can happen, and that quality has not changed or diminished over the course of its run. typically, in tv, as you build out the world and the characters, you become better able to predict what will happen next; the window of probable events grows smaller, even if only slightly. people pair off, foreclosing other relationships; they pick a career, choosing one life over other possible lives they might have lived. even shocking plot twists are operating under a set of basic rules that govern how the setting and the genre operate such that the overarching parameters of what is possible in the world don't change. but not so in riverdale! it's not committed to the sanctity of its own canon, which frees the team up to create a show that reminds me more of a collage; different narrative pieces get swapped around to see what kinds of meanings they might produce with very little preciousness about continuity or canonicity compared to other programs. different storylines are repeated by filtering them through new genres to see what emerges. season 7's premise is a perfect example of this!

the other thing about riverdale that makes it schrodinger's show to me is that it is always operating on multiple registers of reality simultaneously, so that any number of things might be happening at once depending on how you're reading it. for example, in the season 3 g&g plot, many episodes are framed by games of g&g that precisely mirror real-world events going on concurrently in town, e.g. jughead accurately describing archie's prison break as it's happening even though he's not physically there. maybe this is just an extradiegetic narrative device; maybe particular characters are omniscient or psychic in some way; maybe the game itself has powers that allow it to shape the world or the story; maybe riverdale itself only has a certain number of pre-set stories that it can tell. the list could go on. the point is that all of these are equally likely; riverdale does not privilege realism or groundedness, really the opposite, but neither does it often confirm for certain that something supernatural is happening. rather, the viewer is left to interpret for themselves; to choose between these options if they want, or perhaps instead to hold them all simultaneously. indeed, riverdale never forces you to pick, to narrow it down; in riverdale, more than any other show i've ever watched, you can have everything you want, and you can have it all at once, because there is no definitive reality, which means everything is pretty much equally (un)real. the cw is pioneering quantum television and we're here to witness it! what a time to be alive!!!

#asks #anon #RIVERDALE

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 1 year

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i guess in the end the thing about katya, to me, is like - there's this kind of obvious straightforward reading of her, right, a cautionary tale about the girl who wanted too much and lost everything, who played her hand too soon and was left holding nothing, all alone. you can read her isolation at the end as a parallel to goncharov's, an expression of the film's warning about what it really means to keep your enemies closer than your friends, and one that lands less satisfyingly than his does because while his storyline feels so deeply engaged with exploring what it means to be a man in this psychologically toxic and physically dangerous subculture of masculinity, hers reads more like a punishment reminiscent of so many sexist stories about ice queens who get their comeuppance. and, like, i get it, especially considering that god knows matteo JWHJ0715's track record on women is uhhhhhhhh.... not great. (has anyone seen hounds in the summer? that movie is like an incredible time capsule of exactly what the fuck susan faludi was talking about in backlash, like pure male neuroses served with an olive. diane keaton is sooooo hot in it though)

something does feel different to me about katya, though. and like yeah part of it is that i'm being generous because i do against all odds (and even with the fucking dinner scene) like this movie. but like - i just have such a hard time believing we're meant to view her as in any way a villain, when she's literally the ONLY person in the entire film who comes close to articulating what the movie is actually about at its core. all of the characters (except maybe poor sofia) have defined themselves around this core lack, this hole inside them where learning to be a person who really sees other people should have gone, this emptiness protected by barbed wire that keeps them trapped. katya's the same, except she's the only one who knows there's something missing. she knows there's something wrong - in her, with gorchanov, in their nightmare world - and like, yeah, she can't articulate it, much less start to imagine a better way, but like, how could she? she's never been given a model for an alternative - she's never even been able to look at how other people might live. (we don't get much about her backstory, but i think the mix of disdain and real sorrow in her voice when she says "that pig" about her father speaks volumes.)

and then it's like, the clock motif, right, this is textbook noir shit barely remix: the hands of fate, the slipping sands. it's always already too late because time is always already running out. (this is like, half of what andrey's entire Deal is imo.) you can't escape destiny; you can't even take the brief respite of forgetting it's there, waiting for you, dragging you down like gravity. but somehow, in this movie that circles back on itself so compulsively it feels at times almost like a song cycling through refrains, in a movie that's about how impossible it is to leave once you've committed to a version of yourself that needs to stay in order to retain coherence - somehow, katya gets out. messily, blusteringly, tragically even. half by accident. with blood on her hands and an ocean of regret that will never wash it out. (i know the bathroom scene is not a lady macbeth reference but... in my heart it is. lmao. katya would totally ask the spirits to unsex her.) but she gets out. and there is ultimately something to me there - the idea that the way out is by knowing you need to get out. that you don't need to know what the road ahead looks like to take the next step forward. that it is a step forward, even if it's not what you wanted or not what you thought. even if you wouldn't have taken it, if you'd known what was coming. but you did, and now you have to live with it, but maybe the important part is that you lived. you're alive, to take another step, and then another.

i keep thinking of that shot of her at the window somewhere late in the movie but not yet near the end, after everything's been set in motion: just katya, watching the city pedestrians below her through the blinds (speaking of classic noir shit). we don't know what she's thinking there, if she's scared or excited, if she's already doubting herself or if she's still sure she can pull this off the way she planned. we're not even in the room with her. she's so isolated in that shot - from the people she knows, from the citizens below, from the viewer watching on the other side of the blinds. but she doesn't look unhappy. she looks calm - almost at peace, if that can be said to apply to anyone in this movie. and, like, obviously she won't be for much longer; things are about to start crumbling, and it's going to hurt. but i like to think that moment of katya watching, waiting, alone and unafraid, suggests that maybe there's a version of herself she can come back to, or forge anew, on the other side of all this. she'll lick her wounds and wonder about what she did wrong, but she'll also pick up the pieces and take another step forward. and like - i just don't think that we have to read that as cold. i think we can just read it as surviving.

#goncharov #again sorry for this i simply CANNOT refuse a bit it's like. a core part of my psychology this is my catnip

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dangermousie · 3 months

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I think we found the creator of Extraordinary You! Also, his concept of a deity certainly fits the concept of a deity in kdramas if Goblin and Angel's Last Mission's cruel, capricious deities are anything to go by.

But also, it's such a parable about parents and children - the logic of "I made you so I can destroy you" that he uses is such - because he's ceased to deny Kang Cheol is alive and breathing speaking etc person - he is not even denying this any more, it's literally "I made him so I can unmake him" and that is in a way an attitude of a controlling parent taken to extreme.

I mean, he keeps saying KC is a monster but his only crime is leaving the dad's control and doing his own things. Once again, parental control parallel made flesh.

This is such a metaphor for an author sick of their creation and wanting something new and not being associated with it but also, once again, the echo of parental relationships of a certain kind where there has to be a winner and a loser.

I forgot that! I forgot that he initially planned to have Kang Chul commit suicide on that bridge which makes me wonder what kind of dark artsy comic he was going for if the original story was golden child who saw his whole family murdered, was wrongfully accused in their deaths and committed suicide out of despair without ever finding an answer. Like WTF! But two things - it shows how KC always had a will to live and some degree of self-actualization and also it's a take on commercial art versus the story the artist wants to tell (the suicide stuff was not popular but it was his, the former was popular but not what he wanted to tell, and resentment and pull between the two.)

But also!!! This is a rewatch so I know YJ was the original creator and so in a way the story becomes the push-pull fight between two of Kang Cheol's creators as to what his story should be, what his end should be. And perhaps he IS so indomitable, so determined to live because his real creator wasn't a disappointed middle aged man, but a little girl who wanted a hero and who, because she was a little girl, believed in good triumphing over evil and justice prevailing. YJ is the original, true creator of Kang Cheol, and that is why the narrative itself won't let the dad's vision come to fruition when it decides to contradict the true creator's intentions and world view.

#kdrama #w two worlds

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20001541 · 1 month

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You know, in AFO's place, I would have really been very angry with Yoichi and felt betrayed, not wanting to justify any of the atrocities that AFO committed, but Yoichi only had the opportunity to live and be good because AFO did the dirty work for them to survive, All for one provided (in his view) everything to Yoichi and while Yoichi contributed nothing other than his presence, and when things are finally working out, and even after giving him a Quirk, he goes there and abandons you, and joins his enemies who would kill you if they had the chance, regardless of whether Yoichi was right or wrong, in AFO's position I would feel devastated and would be very angry, from AFO's perspective it looks like he spat on the plate he eat

I think it's ironic that as a child afo viewed yoichi as something that was weak and provided him with nothing, kept around solely because he viewed him as a possession. only for him to later spend the majority of his life chasing after his quirk as it was one of the few pieces left of him, he even kept his severed hand after he died. then he spends his last moments finally admitting that he needs yoichi.

and yeah I can see how afo would feel this way, but at the same time he kind of dug his own grave there. he treated and viewed yoichi as something he owned and while official english translation left it out, afo said his dream was for everyone in the world to exist for his sake just like yoichi does which just goes to show how he views yoichi as a person, just someone who lives for afo and afo alone. 😬

also remembering this panel from 408 where the left side is how yoichi was living with afo while the right is how he lived with kudou and bruce. just look how much better his living situation got once he was away from afo. and yoichi knows what afo has done for him "you kept me alive", he just wishes afo would stop treating people like expendable things. that's literally all he wants from afo, to stop hurting others for personal gain.

and afo just expected yoichi to just shut up and follow him as he's always had once he declared his dream, but yoichi just wasn't going to do that anymore lol. which resulted in the vault, and forced isolation for long periods of times is a form of psychological torture. fandom jokes about it a lot, but it's extremely screwed up what afo did just to get yoichi to join him.

but I believe afo truly did want to connect with yoichi on an interpersonal level, but he was unable to because of the way he grew up, learning only to get what he wants by force so he tried that with yoichi (forcing him to stay by his side and conform to his ideals, not wanting to let him go and try to be his own person, only what afo wanted him to be) and all it did was push yoichi further and further away. quite tragic really.

I think it says a lot in how yoichi was willing to run away with strangers that for all he knows could be planning to hurt him later on as a way to get to afo rather than stay with the brother he's known all his life. just shows how unbearable afo's controlling nature was. it's not easy to leave everything you've known behind, but he had to do it for his own sake. afo was only getting worse.

so yeah I don't think afo should've been surprised at the fact that yoichi refused to look back at him when he was running with the rebels in the sewers, too bad yoichi had to pay for afo's own jealousy with his life.

it's not like vestige yoichi takes joy in seeing afo being beaten, you can see him though the fight looking almost sad that it has to come to this. maybe in a different world they could've been happy.

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tokiro07 · 29 days

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Undead Unluck Week 2024

Day 7 - A Song You Associate with UU: This Is Your Sign by Citizen Soldier

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I said that Favorite Arc was the hardest and cruelest choice among these prompts, but that was shortsighted of me. This is the hardest choice I've had to make this entire week. My Undead Unluck playlist on Spotify is over 140 tracks of songs that in some way made me think of UU, either thematically with the series as a whole, with specific characters, with specific events, etc.

However, I was able to make that decision about 90% easier by narrowing it down to a single band: anyone who's been following me for a while should be unsurprised that I knew from the beginning I'd be going with a Citizen Soldier song, but I've got 14 of them on that list, and they're all great as UU songs. Despite how much I've talked about it, though, I don't think I've ever explicitly shared what about them works so well

Citizen Soldier's lead singer, Jake Segura, is a clinical therapist, and views his music as a form of group therapy. Many of his songs deal with themes of depression and suicide, either from the perspective of someone crying out for help or the one responding to the call

UU literally starts with Fuuko attempting suicide, and the overarching goal of the story is Andy's elaborate assisted suicide. Tatiana's request for Billy to send her to see her parents, Chikara's wrestling with whether his parents would want him to atone for their deaths, Rip permanently wounding his eye during his botched suicide attempt; nearly every character contemplates, desires, or attempts suicide at some point or another

But they are all also saved from their lowest moments. Andy appears as Fuuko stands on the ledge, Billy gives Tatiana a homemade treat, Fuuko showed Chikara that his life had purpose, and Latla stopped Rip just before the blade hit his neck. Even Andy's desire for death has clearly faded since meeting Fuuko, learning that his real desire is to live surrounded by people that he loves

If you're standin' on the ledge and you hear this song play I'm tellin' you, this is the evidence If these words find you alive and it's still not too late I'm tellin' you, it's no coincidence

This Is Your Sign is about those chance meetings, that feeling that the world is against you and that you might as well give up only for something to suddenly change and give you the push that you need to hang on a little longer

This is your sign, a shootin' star, a satellite in space That who you are is so much more than all your darkest days This is your sign, it's just the start, and everythin' could change This is the moment you'll remember you decided to stay (you decided to stay)

The people, the sights, the experiences that make life worth living are the privilege of the living. Choosing death means giving up on possibility, trading everything that could be to escape what is. If Fuuko had successfully committed suicide, she never would have befriended Tatiana or Mui or Chikara. She never would have had her whirlwind romance with Andy, she never would have gotten to wear beautiful dresses, she never would have gotten a second chance at attending high school, and the world itself would have been destroyed. Juiz would have failed to loop, and the Union wouldn't have made it to the final world. UU takes the concept to its logical extreme, but the ending of Fuuko's world would have literally been the end of the world

If you're wishin' you were dead and hear my voice, this is fate 'Cause this is meant for you, yeah, every single word If it seems nobody cares and you're alone in your pain No matter where you are, this is the miracle that you deserve

Citizen Soldier's songs want you to know that something better is coming, that if you keep going you'll eventually find something to make it all worth it. Sometimes it takes a miracle to remind us of that, but ultimately it's our decision to fight on. Someone or something can come into our life, but we have to be the ones to save our lives

Barely holdin' on and scared to death There's a reason that you're hearin' this and you're not dead yet If you're waitin' on a reason why (the reason why) This is your sign to save your life

Andy was Fuuko's inspiration, but she was the one to embrace her Unluck for Andy's sake. She was the one who decided she didn't want to die anymore. She was the one who decided to loop to do for everyone else what Andy did for her

Undead Unluck and Citizen Soldier both helped me through hard times. They both equipped me with tools to cope when I was down, with weapons to keep fighting for the life I want

There are so many other songs I wanted to talk about today. Irreplaceable, Through Hell, Stronger than My Storm, Hallelujah (I'm Not Dead), and many more. If you need a soundtrack for Undead Unluck, you really can't pick a better band than Citizen Soldier

If I've convinced you to give them a listen, I hope you'll find at least one song that helps you the way they've helped me. I hope whatever you're going through right now, that this will make it easier. I hope that anything I've said in this post, this week, or even the last four years has helped you in some way. If you yourself have been waiting on a reason why, then please let this be your sign

Thank you to everyone who participated in Undead Unluck Week. Thank you to everyone who helped show me that my current favorite is as well-loved as I always knew it could be. Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed my posts this week. You've all helped me to enjoy life, and I hope I've done the same for you

As I said yesterday, and in every chapter review for the last several months: until next time, let's enjoy life

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #uuweek2024 #uu spoilers #citizen soldier #long post #suicide mention #mental health #Youtube

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missmagooglie · 1 year

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ROTFL honestly about how hair-trigger both Buck and Eddie have been for commitment in 6b. But coming at it from completely different directions. Eddie catastrophizes himself into anxiety attacks over nothing, while Buck ignores every single warning sign and commits himself wholeheartedly at the slightest interest.

First there's Eddie, who literally just sees a woman in his tia's kitchen and immediately goes "I can't marry her!" Like, babe. No one's asking you to? You're allowed to go on dates that aren't lifetime commitments?

He reminds me of those precocious but over-anxious kids who have one (1) minor thing go wrong and they spiral out and suddenly they're like ".... and THEN I'll default on my mortgage and be left with nothing! Is that what you want?" And you, an adult, are just standing there blinking like "How do you know what a mortgage is? You're nine."

And then there's Buck. He's the girl who buys a bath bomb and unironically says, "this will fix my life." That sort of "spiral up" technique they tell you to do in therapy, but in a toxic positivity way.

Honestly, I am so curious about whether Natalia even thought she was on a date with Buck. Like, here she is, a professional whose job it is to help people understand and accept death so that they can have a more peaceful and fulfilling end to their life. And she meets a guy who, within minutes of meeting her, shares that he actually clinically died for a few minutes. As someone who is so invested in understanding and demystifying death, of course she's fascinated! It felt very obvious that she was asking him to have coffee to talk about that experience specifically, rather than having an explicitly romantic intent.

But poor Buck very obviously interpreted it as a date, and now he's over here telling Eddie "I feel like she really sees me" like they're halfway to being in love already.

And listen, I don't think any part of what we've seen so far between Buck and Natalia is a bad thing. Even her "fangirling" over his near-death. Because here's the thing: yes, it would be devastating for Eddie or Maddie or Bobby to hear someone be excited about "that time Buck literally died". But fortunately, Natalia wasn't talking to any of them. She was talking to Buck. She was talking from the perspective of someone who knows Buck is still alive before she even learned that he died, and she's interested in his experience. And I genuinely do not think it's a bad thing for Buck to talk to someone who can recognize that what he went through was transformational in a way that can be positive if he allows it to be. No one who loves him can talk to him about this experience without bringing their own grief from nearly losing him to the conversation - and that's totally understandable, but it's also what makes talking with someone new about these experiences so alluring and so (potentially) helpful.

But the other thing Buck and Eddie have in common is avoidance. We saw Eddie avoid thinking about what he wants from a romantic partner when he was with Ana to the point where the avoidance was giving him panic attacks. Buck talked to Natalia and got the chance to process some if the ways his experience with death was positive. He's also so caught up in that positive feeling that he's letting himself not confront or process some of the ways his death was decidedly NOT positive -- both for him and for the people who love him.

Natalia doesn't have grief clouding her view of what happened to Buck. She doesn't have the tumultuous emotional background of all the ways Buck has been hurt and then tried to tape himself back together. Natalia only knows what Buck chooses to share with her.

In other words, it's easy with her.

Where have we heard that before?

#911onfox #evan buck buckely #eddie diaz #buddie #911 s6 #911 spoilers #911 meta #another 911 relationship where the NPC of a girlfriend is essentially innocent #and it's our blorbos fucking up the relationship and being unintentional assholes?#it's more likely than you think!#at the end of this ana and natalia should matchmake Buddie #and say 'you're perfect for each other - please never get anyone else involved again'#like they're one of those AITA couples #(i will admit that Taylor brought roughly equal amounts of bad juju to the relationship...#... but it WAS Buck who did the actual fucking up re: kissing someone else and asking TK to move in under false pretenses)

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mshexley · 6 months

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"from the river to the sea is calling for Jewish deaths"

No it's not. You wanna know why Zionist want you to think that?

Cause the same way racist white people see "black lives matter" as black people saying "ONLY black lives matter" is the same way that Zionists view "from the river to the sea".

Zionism is a white supremacist ideology and as such, the oppression of others is baked into the identity. If you think that's not true then ask what life is like for Jews of Color in Israel. [Here][Here]

I will always bring it up because it's a very important part of understanding the fickle nature of white supremacy but when Italian and Irish people immigrated to the United State, they weren't considered "proper" white people by American and English white people.

They were treated the same way PoC were. They were discriminated against being denied jobs, proper housing, and had propaganda spreading about them. In America, Italian people were depicted as rats "polluting the city" meanwhile the Irish were depicted as violent and dirty in comparison to the "proper and civilized" white people of America and England.

This did not shift until Italian immigrants and Irish immigrants performed whiteness properly and what that means was joining in on the oppression of PoC. For many Irish immigrants, the only job they were able to get was as cops and you can see how cops aid in white supremacy.

Granted, it was different circumstances for the anti-Italian sentiment stemmed from both WWII but primarily from the fact that Italian people were more known to be Catholics which went against what the U.S government wanted in creating a white country filled with protestants and Christians (literally the same goal Israel has but for the middle east). But also because many of these immigrants were from South Italy, they were considered the black people of Italy.

Whiteness as a concept REQUIRES that you hate PoC and you participate in their oppression. Zionism is the same way because there's a reason that white supremacists rock with folks like Ben Shapiro and Israel and that's because they perform whiteness "properly". White supremacy and Zionism says that you can Jewish in our world so long as you hate PoC too. This is why it's important to distinguish Judaism from Zionism.

Because the Israeli and the settler state as a whole is NOT an actual product of Jewish faith and teachings. Because if it was, why is questioning it a bad thing when Judaism is famous for letting people question higher powers????

With Zionism, the way to be a "proper" Jewish person is to participate in the oppression of PoC. Hated and bigotry are linked the identity.

Because "standing with Israel" means to allow the Israeli government to commit genocide, Zionists believe that Palestinian people and everyone who supports them are calling for the death of Jewish people. Because for Israel to exist, Palestianians must die so of course Zionist think that for Palestinians to survive, Jewish people must die.

White supremacists believe only their lives matter which is why when black people say "Black Lives Matter" they think black people are only referring to ourselves.

It's why they hate things like "Black Power", "Latin Pride", "Asian Pride" and all of that because those are the struggles of PoC being celebrated. It's being alive despite EVERYTHING.

Meanwhile, "White Pride" and "White Power" are linked to celebrating the oppression of marginalized groups. You can't celebrate Columbus without celebrating the Native Americans that were murdered, raped and tortured. You can't celebrate the British Royal family without celebration the country's legacy of colonization of the entire world and subsequent destabilization of so many cultures.

You cannot celebrate your heroes of whiteness without celebrating the millions of black and brown people dead at the base of their statues.

You cannot stand with Israel without standing for the torture and genocide of the Palestinian people.

Whiteness and Zionism cannot succeed if PoC aren't dying for it.

#free palestine #fuck israel #from the river to the sea palestine will be free

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permasleepberdie · 1 year

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Cool Scout (a thesis)

I will live and die on the hill that scout from TF2 is a cool character

Now granted he's not as cool as any of the other mercs, and compared to most he's a wimp. But as a normal, standard human being he's awesome as fuck and it has to do with how much passe he views killing.

One thing that TF2 does really well is making every different class i different kind of psychopathic super killer. Everyone's got a different reason/response to killing in each their very own little ways.

Pyro and Soldier are both heavily schizophrenic and view the world in such a way that validates their murder. Pyro of course sees a warzone as a magical fun fairy land that so happens to cause them to burn everything alive, and Soldier sees every warzone as a bigger warzone and takes major pride in both his ability to be a soldier and also to kill as one for the good of his country.

Heavy and Spy are both professionals that view killing as their job and gain huge pleasure from it. Heavy gains great joy in the fact that he's an unkillable russain machine that wont die (even when he does, a lot), Spy views his killing more as an art form and gains joy from just how good he is at it. Demoman is basically just always in the middle of one big drunkin bar fight. And the Medic is your natural megalomaniac psychopath that sees himself as a god that has full right to toy with the mortals and murder as he sees fit.

the Sniper, Engineer, and Scout are all the only ones that don't actually enjoy killing in meaningful way, and yet all 3 still have their own flavors of apathy against murder and reasons why they do it.

Sniper is a professional who only kills cause that's literally his job, he takes pride in killing but not because he likes it it's because his portfolio is so good. He's probably the class that takes his job the most seriously in this case as he's the only one counting bodies and making sure he kills efficiently (probably the one that does everyone's taxes too)

Engineer's only motivation besides getting paid is to show off his machines, he prides himself on his robotics and how efficient they are at everything, including murder. Plus I also kinda think that he's the only one who's there just to hang out with everyone else. I could definitely see Engie wanting to be there just because he enjoys hanging out with a bunch of other crazies and seeing how far his machines can take them.

And then there's Scout, and Scout is...interesting...

He's the only one that kinda has no reason to really be there. He doesn't show joy at killing or express a want/need to commit murder. He doesn't consider himself to be a professional killer, he does take pride in his killings but not how good he is at it, and I'm half convinced that he doesn't know that he's supposed to be getting paid. And yet despite this he takes so much passion, not in his work, but just the fact that he's kinda, there.

Scout always has that smug look on his face, that cool person attitude, one that's obnoxious, but that he's not striving for. Like he's not really cowardly, and he's not trying to seem like the biggest best tough man. A tough man sure, but he probably knows that everyone is technically a better killer than him.

Clearly the only reason left for him to be there is the attention. Scout is always trying to let everyone know just how cool he is and just look at his big muscles, so cool, way past awesome or, whatever stupid thing. And don't get me wrong, it's obnoxious, a little annoying depending on who you are, DEFINITELY a moron, but if you think about it, that's the only reason he's there. Like, think about that for a second, Scout is ONLY there to make himself seem cooler, like, imagine if that happened with any other team or group of people. Like imagine if someone fought zombies in L4D, or took part in the Payday robberies, or was a mercenary in Metal Gear Solid, or heck joined actual mercenaries IRL, and took it with the seriousness and motivation of taking up skateboarding.

The cool thing that scout wants you to realize is that he's a part of Team Fortress. He only ever takes pride in his killings when he gets to meme on your corpse and conga dance outta there. He doesn't bring any particular skill set or background to his work besides just being some guy, with a gun, that runs fast. He is literally as unqualified for the job as one can be and YET he still kills you. He's still alive. He's still not dead and still memeing on your corpse in such a manor as someone posting a dance on tiktok or something. Scout kills, because he's cool at it. Not because he's good at it (though he is), but because he's cool while doing it, and he probably doesn't even realize that he should be dead already. And the fact that he's even there, much less succeeding, is the biggest meme to the entire battle. Scout is almost quite literally there because it's funny that he is there. And you know what...That is indeed pretty cool.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #team fortress scout #tf2 scout #tf2 engineer #tf2 sniper #thesis #scout is cool #sniper and engineer are the dad of the group #sniper is the only one who makes sure they all don't go bankrupt #engie is the only one who cares #scout is their social media influencer #a bad social media influencer #but is still their social media influencer

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theurgic-necromancer · 1 month

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Jack of Hearts - How does your muse view their friends, both old and new?

Card Suits

((He cares them all very much :)

His old friends are people he spent a lot of time traveling with, getting to know them and coming to like them. ...For the most part. There are a couple of companions he never really liked. Often because they often antagonized other people he liked for no good reason, or in one particular case, were actively manipulating someone who was fairly naive to the ways of the world. And also happened to be someone he liked lmao

Still, he cares deeply for his old friends, and hates to think about how many of them are likely dead of old age. (Because he's optimistic enough to hope they all lived very long and fruitful lives, no matter what they chose to do.) It would be nice to reconnect with the ones who are still alive, but that's likely going to be an undertaking and a half on its own.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about individual companions because, well. There's like... I want to say 31 potential companions between the first two games? So I'm not going to bother going over his relationships with Every Single One in this post. Feel free to send asks about them, though.

His new friends he's still getting to know, but he likes them! They've all got their charms, even despite their flaws.

He likes Gale a lot! Fellow wizard who knows his stuff and was willing to set him up with a new spellbook and help him re-learn how to do magic in this day and age. You mean he doesn't need to individually memorize each spell he wants to cast in a day? Fuck yeah, that's so much easier. They've hung out and chatted about everything from magical theory to cooking, and Sayran has been a very avid listener which Gale appreciates. Sayran has no idea that Gale has developed a bit of a crush on him.

He clicked with Astarion remarkably quickly lmao. What can I say, he's always had a thing for rogues. He does recognize that Astarion is kind of duplicitous and was maybe a little bit suspicious of him at first... but after finding out he's a vampire he's actually not all that suspicious of him anymore. Like, sure, the guy's clearly trying to manipulate him, but Sayran is reasonably confident that he's not angling to betray them all. And anyway, he's traveled with a vampire before. He knows the drill.

He likes and respects Lae'zel. Her bluntness and tendency to get straight to the point is honestly a little refreshing. And her commitment to getting them all cured of this whole mind flayer infection is actually a little touching? She's the most compassionate githyanki he's ever met—which is admittedly not a very high bar to clear, but the point still stands. He trusts her with his life, which is good because she knows about the Slayer form.

He and Shadowheart get along surprisingly well. Even moreso since both of them revealed they know the others' secrets: that Shadowheart is a priestess of Shar, and that Sayran is a Bhaalspawn. Shadowheart is the only one so far who's managed to figure that out on her own. There's a certain mutual understanding between them. While Shadowheart is open with the group about her worship (kinda got dragged out into the open regardless of her attempts to hide it), she also understands Sayran's desire to keep his heritage secret and is willing to help keep it under wraps.

He had Karlach for less than a day and he instantly liked her. She's just so... fun and excitable and full of life! It's hard not to like her. Also he is reasonably certain that the only thing keeping her from hauling him around like a sack of potatoes is the fact that she would literally set him on fire.

Wyll... he likes him, for the most part. However, he has one rather big, glaring flaw: his tendency to view the world in shades of black and white, Good™️ vs Evil™️. He's a little wary of Wyll possibly turning on him (or Zia) out of a misguided desire to purge the world of evil—and what could possibly be more Evil™️ than the half-mortal child of the Lord of Murder? On the other hand, he knows Zia and is very clearly fond of her, so he can't exactly bring himself to hate the guy outright.

And speaking of Zia! She is firmly in the category of Beloved Niece, and he lowkey wants nothing more than to dote on and spoil her like he should have been doing to her whole family line damn it. There is a bit of wistfulness there, a desire to hang onto her as the only living remnant of his now-dead sister. But also he's just... curious about her! He wants to get to know her as a person, on her own merits. Because it wouldn't be fair to her or Imoen to treat her like a replacement. And hey, if he can lend her a hand in dealing with some of the awful instincts she's inherited as a Bhaalspawn, all the better.))

#Anonymous #whispers from the beyond (asks)#!meme responses #!headcanons #((there's something ironic about a good guy who trusts the evil characters more than his fellow good guy lmao))

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youthofpandas · 8 months

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i already know about it but ill ask if you wanna talk abt it so bad SMH (I ALSO WANNA TALK ABOUT IT)

FIIINE if im FORCED to talk about it i guess ill see what I can do

for the everyone who doesn't know it already I have this liiiiittle project that has been killlingggg me known as the dead demian au which is like a Came Back Wrong sorta thing. Every other week I revise the level of Weirdness I want it to be and feel compelled to completely redo the actual plot events but that's not important what is important is the stuff that's sticking around. under the cut because this is like so long because I care too much about them.

Demian has died and with him so has all of Sinclair's will to live. He loses an unknown amount of time to a depressive state and only after a very odd dream that is so weird and real that even Sinclair is forced to realize there was something unnatural about it does he start to get back to being alive if only barely. and not long after this Demian is back ! Just like Sinclair has been able to claw his way out of the grave that was his lil mental breakdown era it appears that Demian has been able to do the same, quite literally

and oh how easy would it be to give in and pretend like nothing is wrong, maybe everything in these months including the death were all a dream or delusion and nothing bad every happened to begin with ! but of course he can't actually do that. can he even be sure that this thing is his friend who he loved (and dear god had he barely begun to accept how much the unspoken love between them Fucked Him Up in his grief how can he not let that regret weigh him down) because if it Isn't him then what is this thing? and god if it gives him Demian back does he care if it's wrong?

anyways things happen which include but are not limited to A LOT of weird Emil dreams centered around wellll uuuh let's say it's safe to assume they're about death and corpses and being in love with your best friend, the epic return of Demian's "let's kill this guy <3!" suggestions, the incredibly rare instance of me bothering to include Kromer in one of my fics, tons of truly great Sinclair insane logic to justify his really stupid actions, a lot of weird pretentious Demian rants about the meaning of life and free will and the nature of love, and the best part. lots and lots of truly insane Demian characterization I get to make that I don't get to do in most of my other things becaaaause (drum roll)

this fic and au is just a really elaborate exploration of all of my favorite little non human Demian moments. like sorry who is up thinking about his weird little self wanting to be human because he Loves them and loves to understand them and the first time he really feels like he's really managing to forget that he's something inhuman is with Sinclair and his complete adoration of him because it stems from such obviously human emotions. the love is there. the love was always there. you know? anyways he is my star (semi literal).... and dear god is he so lonely. he is so so lonely, my star in the sky who is waiting for someone on earth to love him so much maybe he can pretend to be human for a while. Frau Eva's story about the star who went back to space after the human who loved her could not make the leap of faith and Sinclair being made to decide if Demian, who helped him discover the truth of humanity, not being human is something that he cares about or if he'll be too scared to commit. the STARS !

And then there's the other inspo of course you know her you love her it's the little prince abno! Yay!! the simplest way to explain this part of it is like okaaaay let's rot together ^^ become one in body and soul and the #symbolism of the way Sinclair views himself as an extension of Demian more than as his own person sometimes (and esp in the aftermath of the not quite a death) and yet Demian wants nothing like that because Demian loves Sinclair for everything unique about him that makes him stand as his own person. Aaand yeah I think I covered everything important. Oh also despite what this paragraph would have you believe it's way more of a book fic than a game one personality wise, this is like modern setting none of the other game characters exist in this world it's just my guys

anyways I've written like TWO scenes in this AU that I actually like and it will never be truly 'written' so it will simply exist in my head forever but I do at least loooove the one where Emil's in his depression coma like that is early writing I still am in love with. i should probably actually try writing something for it soon but sadly it is impossible.... i think of them and go too crazy when it comes to this one

in conclusion the dead demian au has made me worse in so many ways and I've barely even gotten any good writing out of it making it the bane of my existence. I hate this thing and it is also my favorite child.

#kris answers #... not going to think about this showing up in search results #ill just delete this thing at the end of the day its fine

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liquidstar · 1 year

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i've been doing your lil tournament but i just keep wondering. what are your ocs like. for. like. what's the story. what's the LORE. i want the lore give me the lore

I have an actual story and stuff planned out for them but i have no idea when I’d get around to really making it (I’m so tired all the time and I wanna get to a more stable place to be able to commit to it bc it really matters to me)

I started working on a blog to function as an oc wiki but sort of left it alone for a WHILE so… augh it’s a lot but I did write a loredump in there, if you’re really curious i’ll put it under the tag here! Feel free to just vaguely skim it too lol

A power that arises as a personal reflection of the user's worst defect can be awakened within every single person in this world. This ability is known as one's "Ethos," a fundamental quality that determines what gives something its identity, the motivation driving one's existence, and the principle that drives all of their actions. The imperfection that individuals try to hide from, fight against, repress, and unleash. The ethos is a defense mechanism that only becomes active when a person is exposed to circumstances that, at least in their eyes, bring out the worst in this perceived defect of theirs.

People who have awakened an ethos may find it distressing or even traumatic on a personal level, but the general consensus (Or, ethos, you could say) is that they are blessings from above, destined to enrich humanity, to make us more full and flawless beings. In this context "from above," is meant quite literally.

The Divine Comet passes over the earth every century; in the midst of summer, the entire world celebrates its arrival with day-long festivities, and people travel enormous distances to witness this once-in-a-lifetime spectacle. Of course, even in its absence, its impact is felt. The Comet has been documented since ancient times, and its ephemeral ethereal presence in the sky has long enchanted humans. It wasn't until a young alchemist learned how to extract its enigmatic power from it and share them with the world that it was deified. Now referred to as The Comet’s First Scholar, his aims were to make humans more flawless, to change them into more complete beings, and so these abilities were born to help smooth out mankind's imperfections.

It's impossible to know whether the comet has sentience or not; it's a cosmic being whose existence may not be completely comprehended by humans. It lacks a will, a conscience, ideas, or a brain, but it is nevertheless "alive," in a sense, but not in the way we conceive of life. Almost like a zen entity dancing infinite circles across space. When it comes to its power, you might almost think of it as radioactive or nuclear; it's an energy that could be captured and utilized for another reason, and each century that it travels overhead reinforces the strength of that energy.

Of course, there were additional unanticipated repercussions to bringing this energy to Earth. The way it may modify the physical appearance of some persons, for example, in the same way as radium does (albeit cosmic energy seems to be much nicer). Many individuals develop or are born with "[traits]," which are unnatural or clearly non-human physical features. These can be related to their ethos's growth, but they may also be inherited (It can alter people down to their DNA). Some view this to be another stage in the "transformation" of mankind into more complete beings.

However, another unintended effect is that this does not end with humanity. The Comet lacks the will or consciousness to distinguish between which beings might be impacted by its passing; it is in a condition beyond indifference. Animals lack the mental capacity that people have to recognize defects and self-reflection; instead, they are led by instinct. This has resulted in the emergence of monsters, who, to use the radium metaphor again, could almost be considered mutated. Though animals developing into monsters on their own is actually rare, remember that it often alters their DNA. As they bred overtime it has become a more and more pressing issue.

As a result, the occupation of hunter was created, particularly for those "blessed" with an ethos. In its early days, it was merely a need, but in more recent times, it’s become a badge of glory and adventure. Hunter guilds began to spring up all over the world, making solo hunters a dying breed. Joining a guild is now the standard, and all "real" guilds are registered and governed by the kingdom. It sends missions directly to guilds in various locations for members to complete, and in exchange, the individual who issued the mission request pays them. Unofficial guilds, sometimes known as dark guilds, are not recognized by the kingdom, and many of them accept illicit work requests ( theft, hits, black market trade e.t.c.). However, please do not consider the kingdom and its rule a benevolent force in and of itself either, it’s more concerned with control.

But ultimately, once the existential melancholy hits those "blessed" with an ethos, they have to consider if repression and control of perceived fault is actually what "elevates" mankind. Or are these characteristics what made us distinct beings in the first place? It's not bad to be defective; flaws contribute to who we are, our imperfections make us individuals. They may both drive and influence our growth. Humans are not stagnant beings. A person's ethos changes as a result of how they deal with their perceived "flaw." It will evolve and alter in tandem with them. Some may argue that this implies they're moving closer to perfection, or whatever the cosmic ideal is,but that would only rob them of their humanity.

#finn's ocs #ive been wanting to update a lot of ocs designs before i go back to that blog i should. really get around to it soon #i want to...#you see why i feel as though i cannot handle commitment to the whole story quite yet though lol

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thereisnolumos · 11 months

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Christian symbolism in harry potter:

Snakes being evil and lions being good:

Snake referencing the devil and the snake from Adam and Eve. The lion in Christianity is a symbol of light and goodness and represents judah.

How all witches and wizards mainly good ones only doing magic with wands. Any form of actual witch craft used by dark or gray characters especially if you think about potions. Harry mainly only using the same spells or a sword or physical strength or bravery. Or pure light magic.

Harry and Deathly Hallows especially: how Harry becomes reborn again is similar to Jesus. The talk of souls and soul splitting and how that is a lot like the talk of Christianity how they talk of an immortal soul. No wonder Horcruxes to jk Rowling seems like such a horrible and dark magic. Yet honestly any magic if you think about it can be used in a dark way. How the more Voldemort splits his soul the less human he becomes and how that is really the sources of his evil to jk Rowling. Not the actual acts of violence he commits.

How there's no grey in Jk Rowlings world and that mentality is a lot like how Christians view the world.

Honestly, I never got any impression of religious influence in any of this things, but I think it’s a valid point of view. And I wouldn’t put it past JKR to include religious hysteria in her books (no, I don’t think that all religions are bad, but too many times in history and nowadays regions had been butchered, twisted and used to justify evil actions of people)

I remember long ago reading a meta on how JKR uses both witch and wizard as if they were synonymous/gender specific terms for the same thing. When in reality, witches are the ones who use mainly nature magic and make potions and all that, and wizards are the ones with wands and light/dark distinction (there were much more to it, I need to dive into it more). It’s actually one of my headcanons and plot pints in the fanfic that lives only in my head for now, that the separation of “light” and “dark” magic isn’t natural and the usage of wands isn’t necessary, and is only enforced because it’s easier to control children’s magic in schools, than to teach them to use magic through their bodies only.

I agree with you, that any spell can be used for good or for evil, and none are inherently one. They learn Incendio pretty early on - you can burn a person alive with it if you want. Same with using Aguamenti to drown someone. I’m actually trying to expand on it with the spells that are considered “dark”, I think it can be argued that Cruciatus could be used to revive a person that is nearly dead/had their heart stopping or something in this regard, Avada is honestly a mercy kill without any changes/expansions to the world building. It’s literally described as painless instant death, whose to say it wasn’t invented during holy inquisition times, to bring peace to those who were tortured/burned at the stakes (I don’t buy the idiotic idea of “they didn’t feel the flames/charmed them not to burn” as if the wands wouldn’t have been the first thing taken away and it was established that they don’t practice wandless magic). Imperius could be intended for controlling animals perhaps, assisting in training them or to collect some ingredients without killing the animal. This one I’m still figuring out

If I recall the books, Harry actually used both Imperius and Cruciatus without any remorse (and I love both instances, especially him using Cruciatus on Amycus, that’s like my favorite scene in Book 7, and it’s definitely in top 10 overall. Will never forgive them for not including it in the film). I don’t know know, whether she intended for us to reprimand Harry in these scenes or something, I only cheered. Also - it makes no sense, that Cruciatus didn’t work on Bellatrix in Book 5. She gonna try and tell me, that Harry didn’t WANT to hurt her for killing Sirius? Is she for real? And I don’t recall other spells requiring SUCH specific intent.

These books have almost zero real world building to them, which is why I’ll never buy into her tale that she “thought everything through in the very beginning”. She’s the epitome of “just going with it”

#magical realism #we don’t know him #harry potter #anti jkr #magic #spells #unforgivable curses

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bbnibini · 2 years

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i personally interpret diavolo's tendency to “avoid lying” as nothing more than an underlying demonic way of being evasive and redirecting the attention away from himself, even if he isn't aware of it. i don't believe he means to act this way, but given his upbringing i can't help but think that this is the life he's always known, and no one has shown him otherwise. even the person who actively committed treason against him, belphegor, failed to see why he was initially uneasy with diavolo, and eventually grew to become tolerant of him. he has so much power that isn't only tied to his position and title and i think this is something that people fail to address often, although i cannot fault them for it. as you said, the initial impression that diavolo makes on new players is a positive one compared to others like solomon.

i enjoy the subtlety between the obm casts' traits as well—dissecting them and thinking of how i can incorporate them into the content i make is the same as playing around with my friends' genshin artifacts to see how i can come up with the best outcome, lolol ^^ even if i dislike an obey me character for how they compose themself or their beliefs, i still do my best to bring justice to them, you know?

solomon viewing the demons as “toys” in the official chart is something that is kind of correct? the devs seemed to be setting up a stereotypical view of him without diving too deep into how he actually views them. i'm not sure if you're aware of the b-log translations, but solomon stated that he'd be happier if the people around him were smiling compared to him being happier on his lonesome, and i think that might include demons as well. in another b-log translation, he mentions that he'd be willing to make pacts with every demon if the devildom were to disappear, and i couldn't help but think to how he puts humanity first and foremost.

from my point of view, one reason why he's made so many pacts was to ensure the safety of the human realm. making so many pacts means that he is in control of a huge threat, because he cannot trust demons to uphold their “vow” of peace. he seems to have mellowed out with the influence of mc's interactions with demons, but it's nice to see how strongly he holds onto his beliefs regardless.

another thing...! your twitter just so happened to appear on my tl with your new solomon post, i couldn't help but leave a follow <3 excited to see more blurbs over there from your previous works, hehe

Ooh! That's an interesting way to look at it. Either way, there's definitely some strange inconsistencies with his character. I really like him. He shares a lot of parallels with Solomon and Lucifer, but I also feel like his character development is very fragmented. The route system could have benefited his development greatly rather than the speed dating, reverse harem joshimuke setup we're getting now.

(Spoiler for main story and B's log content + some brief biblical references below)

I actually meant to say the Solomon in the main story now is heavily implied to not feel that way anymore. He's definitely a lot less guarded now, and like you said, he doesn't feel a need to make this barrier between him and the demons anymore because MC held his hand and pulled him away from that barrier and made him actually go past it and see the demons as friends. I follow the B's log updates too and Solomon had been consistently shown to showcase a lot of selfless traits. Never jealous, chooses his own battles, and someone who had really lived up to his name and became the peace his name was meant to symbolise. It's still pretty consistent with Solomon's considerate nature even in the earlier main story. It's just the circle of the people he cared about had widened. He had literally allowed himself to feel alive again, and the thought of that is just so painful and so beautiful and now I'm internally crying because THIS MAN IS SO LONELY I WANT TO HUG HIM. Him prioritising humanity is actually something I mentioned in the reblog on cypherleaf's post. He mentioned it around S2--and even admitted that to MC.

The Solomon we have now is actually a lot closer to his biblical counterpart--famous for being branded a wise fool who became shortsighted and threw away his blessed wisdom for love (or lust depending on the books or apocryphal texts you're reading).

Actually! Hear me out but what if, that desperate moment, where he was almost on the verge of death and summoned Barbatos (S4 or S3 I think?)was a seed that might have possibly sown that distrust he possibly had with demons?

:0 If you give me your username, I can follow you back! I'm not really used to twitter so let me know if you want that!!

#obey me #ask #blurbs #3vocatio #spoilers

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deeznussy · 2 years

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SAD SAD RANT/VENT POST </3 (abt one piece obvsly BWNSNEND)

I've realised something fundamentally depressing yet honestly kind of sweet???

basically right,, ya'll know how one piece is coming to its final saga so it'll like end soon (like in 5 years or more but still man), I just came to the realisation that awaiting for new chapters and episodes have become such an essential part of my life that I genuinely don't know what I'll do after one piece ends

CALL ME DRAMATIC BUT THIS IS A GENUINE CRISIS IM HAVING GUYS

I was introduced to it by a friend and I'd binged 1000 episodes in like 3 months to catch up to em and now I wait for new eps every week. This has been a part of my schedule since 25/09/21 (yes i jotted down the date I started one piece call me a dork) so now I feel so genuinely lost that I might not have this cycle anymore in a few years ;-; BUT it's also kinda funky to my short attention-span ass that a single anime about dumb pirates worked it's way so deep into my life in barely a year of viewing

NOW COMES THE SAD SAD SHIT

TW: casual talk abt unaliving and my shitty mental health

(I'm okay btw, I'm slowly but surely working on it :> the mental health system is really fucked so I haven't received any proper professional help but I'm holding onto hope that I'll find a good therapist one day!)

I'm gonna be totally transparent with you guys when I say that since the scene where Luffy puts his hat on Nami, one piece has been the sole motivation of me literally keeping living for a good few months now, sounds pathetic but it's true :,)))

for context: i have had recurring lapses of terrible depressive episodes for a good 7 years now and the only way I've ever been able to stop myself from totally offing myself is to literally stuff myself into my bedding with so many blankets that I cannot move, and even that doesn't work the majority of times and i end up with reminders of these episodes. it's in these times where i genuinely can't find reasons to keep living and it's tiring as it takes up the majority of my days. heck, the only reason I'm still alive now is literally because I don't have the energy to take my own life and it's just too much effort.

that's where one piece comes in

when I started I just thought I'd drop it really fast because I can barely keep up on anime with barely a tenth of one piece's current episode count

but no

one piece somehow stuck with me and became such a fucking stable backing in my life to the point I literally thought of it during one of my bad days once and just burst out crying

i was about to commit sewerslide that day.

i didn't though.

all because I remembered a fucking rubber man wearing a strawhat and that one piece is ongoing so if i died right there and then I'll never see Luffy become the pirate king.

i remembered how he'd counted all the things he still had on his fingers and I'd tried: I shut up my brain for a good minute or so just so I could count the things I hold dear

"my friends, my cats, my sister"

(no matter what my delusional brain said about them not missing me i had to push through, i had two cats to feed and a sister to hug after all.)

only three things I'd counted but that was enough for me to keep living for another month and counting

that's when I realised that i had wanted to be a part of this adventure so badly that my entire life was basically cradled amidst the thought of the series ending, i cried so much that night that I had a raging migraine the next day but I still remember the smile I had on the entire night because I'd finally found something that really kept me going and I knew without a doubt would be there for me at all times

yes, I have friends and I promise you that they are some of the best people I've ever met! but with a brain overworking itself at all times, even the best people cannot drag me out of my own self-loathing and I hate it. i hate that I cannot trust myself nor my friends at all to stay and I hate that I convince myself each and everyday that they'd be better off without me. i want to rely on them so badly because I know they'd be there for me but god it's scary to think they could potentially hate me when they find out how shit my health has gotten

(this is why WCI is so important to me: I see so much of myself in Sanji that he was my least favourite character for ages and even now he's still low on my tierlist solely because he feels too alike to me.)

through everything though, one piece is the only thing which I cannot overthink myself into it not needing me as i may not be necessary as a viewer through the billions of people who also enjoy one piece but it doesn't matter what i am to one piece because

it's important to me

and that's really all that matters in the end.

one piece saved my life multiple times and it's cheesy and cliché but I really do not think I'd be here if I wasn't introduced to one piece.

that's why I'm so upset by the mere thought of one piece ending.

when it does end I will not have an excuse drilled into my brain to keep living anymore and that scares me so bad, my excuse to live won't be able to be "you haven't finished one piece yet so live." anymore

that's so so scary to even consider.

I still have bad days nowadays ofc but I now have a stable backing to fall into when I know it's getting bad but when one piece ceases to continue I'll have to face my bad days like before I got into one piece and thats not something I think I can handle, i can't handle change this big.

but hey

it's still a long while for one piece to end so

I'll wait it out til then.

as much as i am a pessimist I want to be able to die without regrets (haha one piece reference) and not finishing one piece will be such a big regret it's insane

so, what I'm trying to say is, wait it out with me guys :)) we must see through to Luffy becoming the pirate king!

and maybe by then we'll have more stable backings to fall into for support and more fingers to put down when counting what we have

and maybe by then we'll all be a bit older and a bit more wise too

only the future will tell.

(okay but side notes: if anyone actually bothered to read all of this, you're an absolute legend and I hope you find your own one piece one day as cringe as that is AHAHAHAHA, kudos to you reader! have a great day :>> )

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