#like. not to get Very Personal in the tags but as someone who has Been suicidal it's an important character distinction to me
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SWEET LOVE - CAITLIN CLARK
summary𞠬: hiii could you write caitlin clark x reader where she has a crush on a singer in the same level as taylor swift (like super famous, eyes on them all the time etc etc etc) pls and thank u!!
warnings:N/A (at least i don’t think so)
tags: @patscorner @wintersstan @pbueckerslover @h34rtsformilli @cosmopretty
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ITS BEEN TWO DAYS since your encounter with caitlin. it’s been a weird experience knowing that you two were staying in the same hotel.
sure you never ran into each other due to your different schedules, but knowing she was here was enough to get you on edge, even more today, you’re manger had told you that they got courtside tickets to iowas game.
just your luck, sure you didn’t mind going to the game but knowing thousands of people are going to be there that knew who she was and who you were.
-
as you walked in eyes and cameras were immediately on you, you tried your hardest to ignore them and enjoy the game but it was difficult with people coming up to you and asking for photos or autographs. surely as soon as the players started to come out everything died down.
but your heart rate didn’t, as soon as she stepped on the court your heart rate picked up the way her ponytail moved with her movements, she got to her spot on the court ready to start her warmups when her eyes landed on yours.
a smile made its way to her face and she gave you a small wave which you returned as she turned her focus back towards her warmups.
throughout the whole game you tried your hardest not to look at her but your eyes kept moving towards her and everything she did.
as the game came to an end you got your things ready to leave when a hand tapped your shoulder “hey!” you said with a smile “hi! thank you so much for coming to my game” said caitlin with a huge smile going in for a side hug “of course, you guys did amazing!”
“hey by any chance are you free this weekend?” asked caitlin fidgeting with the towel she had in her hands “yea, i should be free” you said looking back at your manager who gave you a slight nod as to say yes. “okay, because i was wondering if you would want to maybe go have lunch or dinner with me” she whispered the last part but not low enough for you not to hear her, “sure i would love to! here’s my number and text me the details later” you replied scribbling down your number on a piece of paper.
-
the weekend came faster than you could imagine, nerves were bubbling in your stomach as the time for your date with caitlin arrived. you were doing some finishing touches when your phone lit up with a notification “i’m outside :)”
butterflies filled your stomach as you read the message. she was outside your hotel room you couldn’t believe it, quickly gathering your things you headed towards the door. opening it you were met with a very nervous looking caitlin, at least you weren’t the only one, you smiled at her “hey” you said trying to ease up your own nerves “hi, ready?” she replied with a shy smile “yup! where are we headed?” you asked closing your door and walking to the elevator.
“you’ll see” replied caitlin with a look in her eyes you couldn’t quite figure out. walking down the streets of ohio you came across this cute little italian restaurant, you look at caitlin to see she’s already looking at you with a lovestruck smile. she opens the door for you “welcome to valerio’s do you have a reservation?” said the waitress with a friendly smile “yes! it’s under the name caitlin”
“right this way” said the waitress as she led you guys to a table near a window. “this is nice” you spoke looking around taking in the restaurant and how beautiful it was “the best italian restaurant here in cleveland” she says looking at you.
FAMOUS SINGER Y/N L/N WAS SEEN AT VALERIO’S ITALIAN RESTAURANT WITH AN UNKNOWN PERSON. WE SUSPECT SHE MAY BE SEEING SOMEONE, THE SINGER WAS LAST SEEN WITH.. read more
#caitlin clark x reader#caitlin clark#wnba#wcbb x reader#wlw#fanfic#wcbb#iowa wbb#iowa hawkeyes#iowa women’s basketball#university of iowa#iowa state#wnba x reader#wnba basketball#ncaa wbb#wbb x reader#lesbian#lgbtq
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regret:
pairing: jungkook x gn! reader
genre: non-idol au || angst ||
summary: regret is the worst emotion
tags/ warnings: kinda just angst… the ending is ambiguous so you can try make it happy if you want
notes: a little ramble based on how i feel at the moment as a little treat before bed <3 i feel very rusty because i haven’t written in so long
☆ where you can find the rest of my stuff!!
. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.
the knowledge that the thing you want to say is going to hurt someone you care about is the worst feeling. a strange sinking in your chest, malleable guilt that chews away at your mind and your heart.
words tacky on your tongue as you rehearse them in your head over and over, a well practiced script. because ending something with someone you like a lot hurts. really, truly, hurts.
it hurts knowing you’ll hurt them and it hurts not knowing how your relationship will be after you utter the miserable set of words stuck in your mind.
jungkook was your first.
jungkook was your everything.
he was perfect, within whatever limitation human perfection has. he treated you like you were the best thing on the face of the earth. you were the light of his eyes, perfect in all your imperfect ways. a piece of you tucked away in his mind all hours of the day.
quick to message back when you text about your day. always on the other end of the phone. always there. the one person in the universe who loved you for who you were, the one person who loved to spend time with you all hours of the day. just the silent comfort of knowing you were there enough for him.
gentle as his fingers would run through your hair, legs tangled together and breathing soft as you linger between the waking world and gentle sleep.
his love for you was all consuming.
which is why you didn’t understand why it felt like your world was crumbling. a phantom hand wrapped around your delicate neck, constricting every breath you took.
a constant spiraling anxiety, tugging you further and further into this abyss of worry and self loathing.
the strange self loathing you have when you don’t know yourself anymore. unsure why. what reason there is to your existence. why people even liked you when it felt like you had nothing else to offer.
and at the time you thought you needed a break.
palms sweaty as you hold the phone to your ear, boyfriend understandably concerned by your recent lack of communication.
“hello..?” jungkook answers.
you swallow, “hi” it comes out quiet, throat already lodged, eyes glossy.
“what’s wrong, baby?” he hums, you hear him shuffle on the other end of the phone.
your lungs inflate as you take a deep breathe
“i..” you start, all that practice getting you nowhere as your mind stops, guilt clawing it’s way up your throat.
“baby?” he presses on, worry evident in his voice.
“i don’t know if i can do this anymore” the bitter words slip off your tongue, “you don’t deserve this”
and of course jungkook had been baffled. though maybe a small part of him knew that this was coming, how you’d slowly started to creep away from him. the unintentional distance scratching the surface of what was rattling around your mind.
“if this isn’t what you want… then that’s okay” he breathes, “i just want you to be happy”
you feel the tears trickle down the mounds of your cheeks, “no” you huff, “god, jungkook please don’t be nice right now”
“what do you want me to do?” he laughs, though you can feel the lack of humor, laugh dry as it’s pushed past his lips.
you wipe your wet cheeks, “call me a bitch or something”
“i’m not gonna call you a bitch” he sighs.
“but you don’t deserve this… i should have at least come in person or… i don’t know” you cry, “i feel like such a horrible person”
“you’re not a horrible person” he hums, “i don’t want you to feel bad”
“too late” you murmur, “i feel like shit… you’re just so nice and i really like you…. but i don’t think i can do this anymore”
the fact he has been so nice had made it harder. the sadness in his voice as he reassured you as you cried. the moment sinking in when you finally put your phone down. you’d shattered something so lovely. you’d ripped away the only person who made you feel seen.
and the week after was no different. he didn’t message you. so you never tried reaching out, how could you when you’d broken his heart.
it felt selfish missing him. wanting any sort of contact you could get.
and when he messaged about bringing some of your stuff over back to your place, that wasn’t enough. you knew that the small exchange wouldn’t be enough because you missed him, and asking for friendship after you ended the relationship chewed away at your mind.
sometimes missing someone is a strange feeling. knowing that the dynamic you once had is totally different, that it might never be the same as it was.
and sometimes missing someone hurts a little less than the guilt that eats away at you for what you have done. or missing someone can hide that slither of regret you have, wishing you knew you’d hate life without them as much as you did with them.
the world is lonely when you don’t feel seen.
dread wrapping around your mind. slowly sinking further and further into the darkness. nights spent thinking about the moments you’d shared together. that maybe you want what was once there.
you missed jungkook more than you’d like admit and it was eating away at your heart.
all it took was a week. a week of silence. a week of being alone and figuring out life by yourself.
you tip your head up, full moon shining down on the street as you stand outside jungkook’s apartment building, feet shuffling against the ground as you hold your phone to your chest. you’d written a message, rewritten the message, thought about what you’d say.
and that selfish part of you wants to send it. that selfish part of you wanting him to be there, for you to touch him, know that he’s really there and you can change what had happened.
#bts fanfic#bts#bts x reader#bts fic#jungkook#jungkook fic#bts angst#jungkook fanfic#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook#jeon jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook fanfic#jeon jungkook angst#bts non idol au
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Tag Game Tuesday: 911 Lone Star Fandom Edition
Thank you for the tags! @thisbuildinghasfeelings @rmd-writes & @goldenskykaysani
When did you first start watching Lone Star? Who or what introduced you to the show?
I first started watching LS around the 2nd or 3rd episode of season 1 after seeing some adorable gifs of Owen & TK floating around on my tumblr feed.
I wish I could find out who patient zero was that first brought them to my attention from my follow list, but I think it must've been someone from the Skam fandom? maybe?
Which season is your favorite?
Season 3, baby!! and ngl, I highly doubt anything will top it at this point just based off where the plots have gone since.
Who is your favorite character? (Bonus: If you answered TK or Carlos, who is your favorite besides them?)
I mean - y'all knew what the answer would be to this one, right? Obviously Paul is my favorite.
I do also really love TK. I know I have a reputation for loving Paul because I get very animated about him LOL... but I would like to put TK in my pocket and keep him safe forever, thank you.
Top five episodes. Go!
3.13
2.09
3.08
2.08
3.04
If you could pick any character to be given a "begins" episode, who would it be and what would that episode look like?
Paul. One hundred percent, I need it from Paul. I know everyone and their brother is going to or has answered Carlos for this and that tracks for a tarlos based fandom... but my unpopular opinion is that we've gotten quite a bit of character backstory for him this past season compared to some others like Nancy, Paul, and Marj. I feel like Paul has been part of the core group since the beginning but hasn't seen the amount of meaty plots as some of the others have. He's due!
What is a scenario or storyline that you would like to see in season 5?
Okay, I have two ideas for this:
- an episode in which some of the characters who rarely interact are somehow trapped together due to some kind of emergency/disaster/storm and must navigate their way out together while the rest of the team helps from the outside. There are a few groupings we could use for it, but I personally would have the potential pairings be one of the following (or all three at once??): Paul & Tommy... TK & Grace... Judd & Carlos. I feel like these 3 pairings are people we don't get to see interact one-on-one often (or at all) and it would be super fun!
- a true HEAT WAVE. they very briefly had that heat thing happen in 4x01 but I want a whole episode about a temperature heat wave and how first responders have to deal with them. this is TEXAS, c'mon. Plus the theme of heat throughout the episode could pop up in various character's stories. Tarlos = sexy heat. One of the firefighters = heat in the form of pressure in their job like a promotion of some kind. etc.
What do you think is going on in this still?
I have absolutely no fucking clue 😂 So I will instead direct you to this wonderful little spec fic by @littlemissmarianna
As much as I hate everything to do with the Gabriel plot and tbh am not excited to see its continuation... if they manage to pull something off like that fic, I might actually enjoy some of it!
We all know about the elusive 5x05 spicy scene that has been teased, so what is your prediction for how it could possibly top 1x02?
... soooooooo I must confess something here...
*whispers* I don't actually know all about the elusive 5.05 spicy scene. someone needs to fill me in. I have not been paying attention to spoilers & speculation as much this time around since last season's speculation went so terribly for me 🤭🤣
Where was the Tarlos honeymoon in your mind?
Something about Carlos "getting homesick after a weekend in Branson" just tickles me. and the sarcastic way TK talks about the idea of Carlos wanting to travel the world also just amuses me to no end...
so this paired with the way the wedding went down, I think TK wouldn't want to make Carlos travel very far. or leave his mother so soon. I think TK wants his husband to feel as safe and comfortable as possible and so they spend a weekend at a nice spa/resort near Austin. Some place like this: Miraval Austin and then spend the rest of their honeymoon week bundled up together at home.
Shoutout one of your favorite fan creations.
for fics, I'm gonna be a little lazy here and link some of my previous themed fic rec lists:
but truly there are some wonderful fics in those lists!!!
For some fanart:
- this one by @whatsintheboxmh is one of my faves. ankle grab my beloved. 🥺🥰
- this one of s5 TK by @fitzherbertssmolder is so adorable!
- this one of BUTTERCUP! by @greentealycheejelly is absolutely precious.
- this one of Paul & Marjan!! by @heartstringsduet is amazingggg. give me all the paul fanart
- this one of Grace by @yorit1 is stunning.
I'm not sure who has already done this, but I'm gonna tag some mutuals that I don't think I've seen it from yet (no pressure though!!) @lemonlyman-dotcom @herefortarlos @tkstrandreyes @three-drink-amy @littlemissmarianna @mikibwrites @alrightbuckaroo
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hello!!! as you are the resident miante person in mcyt (there might be another one but in my opinion it's you) I have a question: if I wanted to watch mianite how would I go about that/where do I find it? I know it's a youtube thing but I don't know which channel it's actually on and I am. Extremely Curious about it & want to watch it but I have no idea where to do that /genuine question
(also, I know it's got multiple POVs, is there anyone you'd recommend I start with?)
hello! thanks for the ask!
mianite has four main POVs that remain in VOD and episode form on the creators' channels, they all have a playlist for it and you can find them pretty easily by looking up "[creator name] mianite s1" on youtube.
i recommend starting off with jordan captainsparklez' POV like we did, as he is involved in mostly everything in both s1 and s2 and his episodes are edited down to only really have the important bits. if you decide to watch back through the series later from another perspective, tom syndicate's POV is another good one to watch as he's kind of on the opposite side of everything happening in s1 and it puts a lot of his actions in context that jordan left out of his episodes.
if you don't want to watch through the series in its entirety (which is completely understandable), fern @voidandradiance has made a playlist of the important lore moments in both mianite s1 and s2 that she'd be happy to share :]
also it's really funny to me that we are the resident Mianite Guy to you when we've only been here for like, six months. this series turns ten years old today and there are people in this fandom who have been here since the beginning of it or at least who have been here for way, way longer than we have.
if you do end up sticking around here, i cannot recommend these people enough:
@kiwibirdlafayette - AMAZING artist who has been here in the trenches here since 2014. syndisparklez enthusiast. his art-only blog is @grailknightmonty and he also posts Hermitcraft stuff occasionally :3
@transandor chase my good friend chase!! resident Jordan Captainsparklez Guy. brilliant writer, also happens to be fistfighting The Horrors, you know how it his
@voidandradiance i already tagged him before and i'll fuckin do it again because this bitch's writing is stunning beyond words and xyr brain is HUGE. if you like the style of the stuff we write, you'll LOVE fern's work. its so beautiful that i physically cannot overhype it. its so good, y'all. its so fucking good.
@syndianites is, as far as we're concerned, the mouth of god himself when it comes to Tom Syndicate SynHD. there is nobody on this site who understands this character better than she does. they consistently leave the most galaxy brain objectively correct tags about him on our posts and she never fucking misses. this bitch Gets It and i am very lucky to be her friend
@coolcattime's blog is more of a general purpose one, like ours is, but she carries the f/f ships in the Mianite fandom and is also a great writer! she's written a lot of neat AU ideas and although we haven't talked with her much she definitely lives up to her url- she's one cool cat :]
@cactusprisms is also someone that we see around a lot in the notes of our mianite posts, although we unfortunately havent talked much. also more of a general purpose blog but worth following anyways. shes vibing.
hope this helps! <3
#ray's tag#answered#mcyt#mianite#also this is fantastic timing. HAPPY TEN YEARS OF THIS FUCKING SERVER EVERYBODY WOOOOOO WE ARE GOING TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT WE SHOWED UP#TO RHE PARTY SO GODDAMNED LATE YEAH WOOOOOOOO
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Did you like the first chapter? I'm pretty intrigued so far, though I have to say Ratau's personality was quite surprising considering how he is in the game. I have a feeling that maybe he will be the one to betray the Lamb considering that change. I can't wait for the next chapter!
Spoilers for COTL comic chapter one below! I will be tagging "cotl comic spoilers" from now on. Please block this tag if you don't want to be spoiled!
Spoilers include plot/character talk and a singular image.
Did I like the first chapter???? Did I LIKE THE FIRST CHAPTER??? I've been going through it with a fine toothed comb and loving EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!
Ahem.
So, I love this characterization of Ratau.
In the game we already saw hints that he maybe had a little bit of trouble letting go of the red crown. The fact he wears one made of paper is weird enough, but the fact he has the same paper crowns filling his house and on his shrine hints at this imo. I know game cannon ≠ comic cannon, but I had the idea Ratau may hold a little jealousy even before the comic because of this, so I was really excited to see the idea play out.
But if you look at it from his point of view, it kind of makes sense.
At least in the comic so far, it seems that Ratau is incredibly devoted to TOWW. He's offended that The Lamb is taking Narinder's mission so lightly, that they are seemingly attempting to ignore his orders in order to go on their own revenge quest.
This makes sense, because as a past vessel, Ratau is bound to know well the honor that that sort of job brings. Seemingly, he would be eager to take The Lamb's place, but knows he can not. He's managing someone doing his dream job, and they're just there for the paycheck. It's got to be infuriating!
Especially since he's seemingly older and wiser than the lamb (Though I don't think his or TOWW's use of the word "child" is literal. I think it's more in the same way The Mystic Seller calls The Lamb an infant god.) I can definitely see his frustration. I think that The Lamb is going to kind of "sober up" after Leshy's defeat and finally gain sight of the mission.
Speaking of The Lamb, I really like how they were characterized! A lot of us, including myself, were pretty sceptical of turning a silent protagonist into a fully fledged character, but in my opinion all is looking really very well so far!
I especially the love the sort of cognitive dissonance they have in the beginning. It sets them up to be this wimpy pushover. I know a lot of people may find it hard to believe that someone in those circumstances would be so calm, but as someone who's had a number of near death experiences I thought it was pretty realistic! A sort of humorous disassociation sprinkled with a confusing mix of denial and acceptance. (Though, please note it's been a few years since the last time I've nearly died. My data is a bit outdated.)
Regardless, I like how they are now. It makes a lot of sense, after all, to be a bit peeved at the circumstances. Their dialogue is super witty, though really sad if you think about it, and I have a feeling that when they stop focusing on revenge they're going to crash and feel a lot of things they've suppressed since their death.
But all in all I'm super excited to see where this little lamb goes!
Finally, can we get some Nana appreciation?? Sure she had a small role, but for a first non-game character, she made a really good first impression!
She seems fleshed out with her own little past, backstory, and personality. The traumatized sceptic in me is a bit worried she'll end up as a love interest, but I doubt it. If it does happen, I doubt it'll be in a typical way. This is a game where you're encouraged to marry with multiple people, after all. I don't think that's the case, though. I think I'm just used to old 80's comics where the first female introduced was the main love interest and nothing more 99.999% of the time.
Whatever is done with her, I'm eager for it. So far the writing seems really really good and she made a great first impression as a follower. She makes me EXCITED to see future follower interactions. If they're all written like her, then it's going to be a super enjoyable part of the comic. We love Nana here.
Finally I have some other random thoughts and things I noticed but can't really format in a way that works, so here's a bullet point list.
Apparently wool is very valuable. Now it's not said weather this is because of the lambs becoming less and less or if it was always valuable. Either way, it's and interesting little fact. I wonder if it'll be important later or if it's just trivia. I like to think things like that aren't added for no reason.
I like that they used the real term, 'Endling,' to describe the last of a soon to be extinct species. This knowledge, though, and the discussion with the cultist, implies this has happened many times before with other species. I wonder if they were always driven to extinction through genocide, or if natural factors ever play a role.
The Lamb was sold out for 30 gold coins. This is apparently a lot. It costs almost that much (converting coins to Dollars. Not perfect, I know.) to buy the ingredients for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich where I live in the US. Either there's not much inflation, or The Lamb was sold out for some PB and J.
I believe the thirty gold coins is a reference to the 30 silver coins Judas was given in exchange for selling out Jesus in Christian lore. If so, I like that detail! Very neat.
It's implied that the bishops are making life hell for EVERYONE while they drive off the lambs. This is interesting, and also a reflection of real life. Bonus points.
Does The Lamb really count as a non believer if they clearly believe in the bishops existence?? I mean they see them right there with no surprise.
Kallamar is shiny. Knew it. He also has tentacles.
It could just be the perspective, but Leshy seems taller than the other bishops.
BAAL AND AYM!
Let's all appreciate how well TOWW's chains and restraints were drawn. All those different perspectives must have been hell but it looks so good.
Chubby cheeks Narinder :)
Sharp teeth lamb! Possibly due to the crown??
So no head??
You. Me.
So no head?? x2
The lamb has guilt and second thoughts about the killing they must do to achieve their goals. Nice.
Cultist roles have hierarchy to them. Neat.
The Lamb's eyes water upon seeing light for the first time in who knows how long...sob.
Again, beautiful art.
There's lots of focus on The Lamb's fangs. Are they important or just stylistic, I wonder??
The crown seemingly has a mind of its own or is watching.
It's implied The Lamb has some sort of death powers already
So no head?? x3
CLAUNECK. MY BE FUCKING LOVED.
Needless to say I have so many THOUGHTS and can't wait for the next chapter. Happy reading, you guys!
#tober preaches#thanks for the ask! i was so hype to ramble aboit this eheheheheh#cult of the lamb#cotl comic spoilers#cotl comic
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every time i see a post saying that kim dokja exists only in the "third" round because he dies on the subway in all the other rounds i want to scream. he doesn't die on the subway. SP cannot find him there because in every other timeline kim dokja does not make it to the subway at all.
#I FEEL CRAZY LIKE. DID I READ A DIFFERENT BOOK OR SOMETHING??? AM I GETTING THE EVENTS WRONG???#LIKE. idk.#i feel like everyone knows that kim dokja is suicidal. and the only thing that kept kim dokja alive was WOS.#but then people fail to take that one step further to connect it with the fact that#in the other rounds where WOS isnt a thing...kim dokja succeeds in his second attempt. he does not make it to the subway.#like. not to get Very Personal in the tags but as someone who has Been suicidal it's an important character distinction to me#that This Is The Reason Why he's not there when SP checks the other rounds#ky speaks
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SPERG YOUR HEART OUT
#EVERYONE#NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#& FOREVER#i love it when my friends &/or mutuals post about their interest & Passions i will like your posts but really i Loved them.#i deleted some tags because they might be interpreted as weird(er than usual) but 0_0 i am ♯Passionate about ♯Passion (for fashion - Bratz)#still kind of feel like a worthless human being but i secured another hangout in like a week so yayyy ^_^#I GET TO BOTHER SOMEONE TOO NOW i just wish people did that to me too why am i like always the one raving#literally have to beg my friend to give me updates on her things even if i normally hate it even i go out of my way to look for things#for us to discuss -_- GIRL please i am for real not just faking for politeness who do you think i am I WANT TO KNOW#so effin excited OMG i have like so much to say & the greatest thing is that this girl has no knowledge at all about my Thing#so i can explain from the very beginning You literally have no idea how much i practiced the conversation in my head#ever since she told me & she said she wanted me to go on & talk about it more i have been Devising My Plan#OMG YAYYYY ^_^_^_^_^_^ AIMU SO HEPI AAARRRGHHHHHGSJDJSHSJDHSHSG#& OFC i had to plug it in the first time i met her in person i just could not help myself there was an NF on that day & i told her i wanted#to catch it i had to go in the end for a different reason & BTW it was such a whiplash the show itself was so fun but the winner... 0_0 NO.#next i will ask her about berserk & maybe even read it so we can talk about it because she really likes it#i dropped it when i was 14 because the laptop i was using to read it was complete crap Just like mine is RN#like a section of my keyboard is completely dead T_T so i have to use the on-screen one...
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"Im worried what people would think of you then, that you're just a personal whore or something- i don't want to ruin your reputation.."
"Are you kidding? 'My dick was so good i got promoted-' Thats the biggest flex i can think of!"
"Well, you're certaintly enthusiastic about this."
#ive been thinking of the au from @planethoneybee's tags in that writing prompts post#on the topic of giyuu wanting sabito to have political power in case something happens or someone tries to pull shit-#him & shinobu debating the pros and cons of giving him title of concubine before giyuu brings up the social aspect#so shino calls sab in to get his thoughts on the matter directly and it made me laugh#another bit w sanemi- theyre at a meeting talking abt finances and theyre talking of cutting sanemi's beetle funding-#G: i can pay for it /Sane: what? /G: keep as much funding to the project as possible- i'll finance the rest of it out of my#own allowance. that works doesnt it? /Shino: i suppose. ..but you'd do that for beetles? /G: i see importance in it. /Shino: very well-#sanemi doesnt thank him or even mention it but he definitly looks at giyuu differently after that- he used his own shit to keep#the project going full blast? damn. he did that for sanemi's beetles. man.#somethn somethn giyuu bringing up the idea for shinobu to have a personal guard(/helper) as well#shinobu 'i know what you are' @ giyuu before he hurriedly explains he doesnt mean get a side hoe hes genuinely just#offering to find her a trusted guard/helper whos sole purpose is to do errands n shit specifically for her 'oh! that sounds nice actually'#'sab has someone in mind for you- says shes one of the best in the forces and a pleasant personality' 'ill see that for myself first'#'okay [thumbs up]'#im imaginging a mix between european kingdoms & east asian/chinese/japanese empires except i dont know shit about either#only thing i vaguely know is theres advisors & like sub-royalty & in traditional japanese more (/complex) layers of clothing = rich/royal#the 'sub royalty' has a name im p sure. i forgor. fuckiinnn.#nope its just not there. oh well. giyuu w the fingerless sleeve-gloves my FUCKING beloved#also vague thought of sabito & mitsuri wearing helmets that utilize their pink hair as fuckin. yk the european knights#w the stupid ponytail thing/romans w the gold helm/red mohawk thing. somethn like that#they wouldnt wear like full Heavy Armor like knights do their fighting styles & w the close-quarters they wouldnt need it#but like for Show at Fancy Pantsy Time theyd dress up similarly#loserboy giyuu posting#loverboy sabito posting#sabigiyuu#of all the shit i have for this au THATS the scene that gets front page. dick joke funniee#(in case its not clear text goes Giyuu-Sabito-Shinobu talking)
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tfw your ship is technically popular but the fandom has bastardized the characters in it beyond all recognition so it still feels like you're the only person who ships them
#to be clear i'm talking about the REALLY egregious cases#like ''this character said they like bread so now their entire personality is bread''#where the character loses all depth and nuance in favor of bread jokes#it's a very specific and very annoying phenomenon that tends to get worse when shipping is involved#maybe i'm just used to rarepairs but i honestly prefer when my ship has zero content vs. having lots of content but it all sucks#every time i find someone who genuinely ships sanmiyu instead of treating them as a meme i'm like ''BRÖTHER 🤝''#olgun has not been so fortunate... sobs#i don't know what characters twitter is shipping but they're definitely not the same ones i read in the story#i need a new personal tag
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thinking of eight introducing romana and charley as one of his “best friends ever” and one of his “best-ever friends”. that distinction is one i think about all the time and i don’t even know enough about friendship to know what it means
#one of the best at being a friend vs one of the friends who has been the best#but the best at what; if not being a friend?#i don’t know#i don’t know a lot about friendship; just the mechanics#you and another person have something that benefits the other. you make that exchange. you’re nice to each other about it and you choose#them even when you could get the same thing from someone else#but there’s like; theory missing#but that introduction got mentioned in rains tags on dimitris post so. reminded of it#having a bit of a moment rn#so maybe i don’t make any sense#like it feels weird to say i don’t know a lot about friendship bc i Have a healthy social life#i have friends i care about very much but there are also other factors#at play here#so
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my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared
#purrs#delete later#ask to tag#(putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw)#i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my#fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of#nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region#but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self#centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know#how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be#supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent#people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws#are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough#as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name#but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is#extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering#rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make#it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure#and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago#i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this#nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so#many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at#this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment#i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do
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I'm thinking again on the fact that so often comments, criticism and readings on Jack dwell a lot on how he is barely human/a person/doesn't have a personality at the point of the story and, while I somewhat understand these points, I find them so lacking. I find them... ableist? I'm always doubtful to use the word here because I'm not sure if it's applied in this kind (mental health) of context, but something like that. And I find them extremely simplistic.
However, honestly, a big part of the reason for these readings being so popular is that the manga itself words it that way. But that's one of the problems I find in the manga. When I say P.andora Hear.ts is very good but unfortunately it is very manga-like at times, besides the 2000s homojokes and the like, I'm usually thinking about things like this. I feel like often characters and situations that are (potentially) very intricate instead of getting insightful deep overviews often get screwed by the writing itself, which falls into very manga tropes a lot in a bad way (not that every manga has to fall into them, or that every manga trope has to be bad or written badly).
I don't know... For instance, I'd argue R.askolnikov's capacity for love in Cr.ime and Punishmen.t is debatable, but it's never treated as if it made him less of a person, a human being or made him not have a personality. I'd say not even Svidrigailo.v, who is as much a Bad Guy™ as a character can be, gets that treatment by the writing. I'd say that even him or Mikol.ka are written as fully fleshed human beings with their intricate internal lives and feelings. Svidrig.ailov's last scene with D.unya is fascinating for both characters and spins the whole dynamic and makes you question the entire narrative and veracity of not only those two characters, but brings to mind several other conversations among different characters and throws light (and doubt!) on the main plot between R.askolnikov and Porf.iry.
In similar situations, Jack's humanity, personhood and personality are debated, doubted and even full on accepted as vanished. No one reads Crim.e and Punishmen.t and comes to the same conclusions about Raskolni.kov, Svidrig.ailov, Sony.a or Razu.mikhin. The writing doesn't allow it. The writing doesn't allow you to forget that humanity is diverse and multifaceted, that it can be sad and cruel and loving and monstrous, even all at the same time, or that a person may struggle with feeling at all; and one is still a person.
#This honestly is one of the things if not The Thing that frustrates me the most of P.H#I've seen this kind of 'that's not a person/human/doesn't have a personality anymore' readings with The S.tranger by Camu.s#And they were imo also simplistic (and that's coming from someone who didn't like the book)#They were also made by my Ethics professor in college who was from the O.pus De.i#Anyway this is a post because I imagined I wouldn't be able to fit everything in the tags#I should probably delete this later#but I wanted to get it out of my system first. I've been thinking about this a lot again after reading the guides and I got angry again#I don't think manga as a medium necessarily has to treat characters this way#but there's often a big simplification of characters in general in a particular flavour#And I think Jack (arguably Vincent too) suffers from this. The exact same thing happening with Jack could be written slightly differently#and cease to have that shonen manga for edgy teens flavour it gets in like two pages#that doesn't ruin but definitely stains a 104 chapters characterisation that was so well crafted#(especially given most fans take everything at face value without thinking much about anything like vacuum cleaners of text)#I don't know. Despite how this manga is a lot about humanity being able to exist or take place#beyond the conditions of one's existence being “fake” through our actions and relationships with others‚ ourselves and the world‚#I don't like how characters like Jack are treated in that context#I understand why it's done and what it's trying to say‚ the Jack/O.z foil is super interesting in that regard. I don't even think#the writing fully falls into the mistake of 'thinking' Jack is not human/a person. But I find very unfortunate some of the writing choices#when dwelling on this‚ and even so distasteful at times#And as a consequence many fans just take the slippery slope and make a cardboard mimicry out of some great characters#But the manga/writing concedes a bit with that angsty teen air. And it's frustrating#I talk too much#Trying to pseudocensor words for the first time#to see if this way my 4am soliloquies won't appear in the tags of people just living their lives#Tumblr please let me rant about nothingness that interests only me without disturbing anyone please#I'm already mad I can't tag these at all anymore in my own blog for organisational reasons without them appearing for everyone everywhere
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y’all know how you follow really cool ppl and it’s like “wow you’re so cool I hope you never follow me/we don’t become mutuals because you’d find out i am entirely uncool and unhinged”
#deity dialogue#beaming ‘please don’t scroll through my blog I am very mentally ill on main’ at the cool butch person I follow who has been in my notes#because I’m p sure that one of my beloved mutuals who is already aware I’m a pathetic puddle of a person is mutuals with them#but yeah it’s like. if people I find cool follow me or check out my blog I live in utter fear of them going ‘oh they’re like actually sad a#goodbye forever’ ahdjfjtkt#idk how sad and weird it is to admit that every day I sit here and wonder if a beloved mutual is finally gonna go ‘okay I’ve had enough of#fae’ and unfollow me#this is also why I take a while to follow ppl back because I need to see if I’ve scared ppl off yet#I keep saying I plan to be less unwell on main#rn I’m getting back into tagging my sad posts (divine despair if you don’t know is the tag to block)#tbh I’m also just trying to make this year better but god I am so sad all the time the despair is like Bad#but today was good! so no super sad posts!!#hhhhh what am I even talking abouttttt#anyways shout out to my beloved friends and mutual ilyyy hiii if you read this far wow#actually does anyone read my tags because I talk so much like I’m incapable of shutting up (it’s terminal I fear)#<- the words of someone who is aware they talk so much and hates it and has had people try to silence them (my family also hates that I tal#a lot and use to bribe me into shutting up)#I must shut up now goodbye#see this is why cool people can’t follow me like
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fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new
#do i think klck is correct? no#do i think a fandom full of grown adults should stop holding this (manipulated) (not sound of mind) teenager to wack standards? ya#like.... some of you are... how do i say this.... ~projecting~#and dont get me wrong this isnt me trying to say shes some kind of innocent misunderstood blorbo 🥺🥺🥺#i think shes a freak and a cunt. but im going to be normal about it and NOT say that she deserves to be killed (????)#pre-overtaking she was clearly aware that her behavior wasn't healthy#the fact she even went to jawbone at all (and was honest with him!) proves that imo#personally i feel like she might be neurodivergent -> struggling with knowing which rules to break and which ones to not#we literally JUST had an episode where the principal of AAA told students to their face that studying and working hard is dumb#i think kipperlilly came to aguefort. couldn't get a grip on what they Actually wanted from her#(parents went to mumple. she couldnt have been prepared for aguefort)#and out of frustration she fixated on people who were doing well and compared herself to them#and the only major surface difference she could find? tragic backstories#it only makes sense that she'd assume that THAT is what was missing. her inability to adapt to AAA was out of her control#so instead of blaming smth abstract (neurodivergence/other mental illness)#this single. concrete. and obvious difference is way easier to latch on to#but yeah. imo she just reads as someone super neurodivergent who received No Help because she 'made do'#and when thrown into a situation that required a skillset she wasn't born with. she shut down and got defensive#noone is born wanting to die yadda yadda#i think it's very interesting that when jawbone turned the question around on her (asking what SHE could do to get better)#she got quiet and awkward#its almost like she was trying her best? and just couldn't figure out where to go next?#and OH would you look at that. jace offering her a trip to the mountains of chaos. for a ~super dangerous adventure~#🙄#anyway.#awfully convenient. isn't it.#this has been me. having takes on ms goldendoodle shibainu#goodnight everyone (its noon)#not tagging this out of fear of the *** stans out there who will not stop taking things personally
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WEALTH
Financial : wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty / verse dependent
Medical : fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable
Class or Caste : upper / middle / working / lower / destitute / unsure / verse dependent
Education : qualified / unqualified / studying / other
Criminal Record : yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but has not been caught yet
FAMILY
Children : has a child or children / has no children / wants children / verse dependent
Relationship with Family : close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased / it’s complicated
Affiliation : orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent / not applicable
TRAITS / TENDENCIES
extroverted / introverted / in between
disorganized / organized / in between
close-minded / open-minded / in between
calm / anxious / in between
disagreeable / agreeable / in between
cautious / reckless / in between
patient / impatient / in between
outspoken / reserved / in between
leader / follower / in between
empathetic / unempathetic / in between
optimistic / pessimistic / in between
traditional / modern / in between
hard-working / lazy / in between
cultured / uncultured / in between
loyal / disloyal / in between
faithful / unfaithful / in between
BELEIFS
Faith : monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic / it’s complicated
Belief in Ghosts or Spirits : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care
Belief in an Afterlife : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care
Belief in Reincarnation : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care
Religious : orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious
Philosophical : yes / no
SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION
Sexuality : heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / demisexual
Sex : sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless
Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless
Potential Sexual Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all
Potential Romantic Partners : male / female / agender / other / none / all
ABILITIES
Combat Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none
Literacy Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none
Artistic Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none
Technical Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none
HABITS
Drinking Alcohol : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess
Smoking : trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess
Other Narcotics : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess
Medicinal Drugs : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess
Indulgent Food : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess
Splurge Spending : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess
Gambling : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess
TAGGED BY: @veinblooded THANK U <333
TAGGING: time to bother more ppl LKJAFKLAJSF totally ignore this if u guys want ALKSJFLKSAJF @reapcrbunny, @theblackestnlght, @confiteorims, @fourteenth-seat, @adenial, @azemana, @ritterblood, @seatedsacrifice, @blaackbiird, and anyone that wants to do dis just tag me!! owowowowo
#i say not been caught yet but he did get caught; its just. v secret LKJASFLKASJKLF#kept a secret LKAJSFKLSJ#me bolding stuff in family like i've even thought about it yet lKJASFILJASLKFSALKJf#but u kno. viera culture. wheezes lKJASLKFJSAJf#honestly a lot of these are very verse dependent i feel#cuz allan is very much someone who was made to be swayed by a greater personality#FLKAJSFLKASJF is it time for me to go on another spiel of how allan's backstory and character is basically a blue sidequest WHEZEZES#VERY MISSABLE; WORLD DOESn'T COLLAPSE IF THINGS AREN'T SOLVED SO <333#but also yeah he can be influenced T__T and honestly idk if i talk about it enough wheezes lJLKASJF#i got a little sidetracked. MY BRAIN IS GOPING EVERYWHERE BUT. YEAH V VERSE DEPENDENT.#if he has a friend or lover or what have u in an rp that is morally good/morally bad; he will absolutely get swayed towards that alignment#DEPENDING on their actions and what happens to them. alln very much can be a product of their interactions wheezes#HE'S AN IMPRESSIONABLE HO LKJALKSJF#but otherwise if the friend or lover is neutral then he just carries on as normal tbh LKJASLKJF#he does his thing; gets sick; gets better eventually; life goes on LKAJSFLKASJF#.... wow i really havent talked about it much i think i still have a post in my drafts from months ago i haven't published yet wheezes#about allan/wol OR allan & wol things bc god can a wol play such a huge factor in allan's life.......... T___T#ok i shut up now LKJSAFIOJQWLKFJ#why am i only inspired to write in the tags#;ooc#;about
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Love how one of my irl 'friends' thought I'd be devastated that she hadn't even looked at my messages in over 2 weeks and that she had so many messages. Like babes, i have 3 fan accounts, but whatever.
#I didn't say anything. she wanted to see how many unread messages i had and i think that spoke for itself lmao#but like??? i mean tbh i didn't even realise she never responded or looked at them. She's on the list of people i generic reply lol#bless her. she's recently really been trying to embarrass us in some way lately. or attempting to feel superior anyhow#first it was with the grades... i did better than her so she failed at that (not to mention she also cheated but whatever)#then it was the attempt at saying she had sex and kissed someone at a party and she was 'so drunk she couldn't remember ' ...#idk how she thought that was a flex but go off ig#now she's trying to claim she's way more popular and liked than me and that in a way we need her?#like ok.#erin tag#it's comments here and there that really make me think. ok. you're definitely not jealous of us huh?#and don't get me started. she's still trying to twist everything we say into making it seem like we have a crush on her but she doesn't#again go off ig. but we all know the truth. She's the one who follows me around and has to come find me#nobody else will talk to her at break lol#she'd try to make out that i don't have anyone to talk to but her. the difference is. in break i fucking hide from everyone#because they all get on my last nerve atp#I'm just tired?? i have enough issues as is without some immature person trying to jab at me anytime possible#and whilst she doesn't know about our DID. it is perfectly obvious she tries to take advantage of when a little is out#also. despite knowing when we're having an anxiety attack. she'll just purposely leave us and claim we're holding her back from socialising#one time we only agreed to go out with a group of friends bc she said she'd be there if we needed to leave for a break#when time came and we were very stressed and in physical pain too bc haha joints. she made us feel guilty for it?#also she forced us into staying with the group. saying she too had anxiety and leaving the group would make her feel awful.#manipulation at its finest#that's all she seems to be good at. and yk what. i give her the credit of being better at it than us. congrats babes.
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