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treadmilltreats · 8 months

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Why are you still there? Staying in a domestic violence relationship

This month is National Domestic Violence month, and since this is near and dear to my heart, I wanted to write about some of the reasons why we stay.

It's really easy to say to someone, "You should just leave or why do you put up with this?"

Believe me, it is definitely easier said than done. If it was that simple, we wouldn't have a whole month just for this epidemic.

First of all, it doesn't start all at once. You didn't meet him, and right off the bat, he was abusive. No, the abusers are slick. They know their job, and they are experts at it.

They will wine and dine you, they will make you think you're the only woman in the world, they will say all the things you want to hear.

They will be romantic, they will sweep you off your feet so much so, your head will be spinning, and before you know it, you're in love, deep in love with this person.

That is when they will start their game, little by little, one comment at a time. First, they will say that they don't like this friend or that one, but they will make it seem like they are doing it for your good. The reason is that they love you and want to see the best for you. They will point out all the wrong your family has done to you, how many times they put you down or fought with you, telling you, that your own person and need to live your life without them. They want you to pull away from any support systems you have. They don't want anyone speaking things into your ears about them.

Then they will start making comments about your cooking or cleaning or the way you look, and because you love them so much and want to please them, you will try to do better. You will kill yourself to always have a clean home or to look good or to wear what they like.

Then they will threaten to leave you when you have a fight, they will threaten to take your children away. This will tear you apart because you're in love, crazy in love with them, and so you will do anything for them to stay.

In the beginning, when they say something or do something towards you, they will apologize, they will bring you flowers and gifts, profess their sorrow with sweet things you long to hear. They will say it will never happen again, that they didn't even remember what they said but are truly sorry for it.

Even though their words cut you like a knife, you forgive them because you love them and want this to work.

Let me explain something here, they are buttering you up for the kill. After they know they got you where they want you...like when you gave up all your friends and family, you have children together or you left your career to spend all your time doing everything for him and now you truly are dependent on him, that's when it's over.

Now he can say anything he wants to, he can verbally abusive you, he can and will slap the piss out of you, and he knows you're not going anywhere. You are truly his prisoner. Even though your windows do not have bars on them, you are his captive.

They will start to withhold love and affection, they will turn it around to make you think it's your fault, and you'll end up apologizing for something you didn't even do. Yes, they know all the tricks. They are masters at the game.

He is now no longer your lover. He is now your captor, and you're his prisoner just as sure as if you were in jail, except he doesn't need bars.

No, he has beaten you down so much and for so long, little by little, that you're afraid to leave. The door can be wide open, yet you are afraid you can't make it without him, that you literally won't survive because he's programmed you to think this.

Now you may be thinking this only happens to poor women or uneducated women, again your wrong. This can happen to anyone. I was a college educated, middle class women with her own home and business.

I was independent and outspoken, and I never let any man get away with any kind of nonsense ever, yet here I was in this situation. I never in a million years thought I would be here.

Over the years, as I've spoken out on this very subject, I've heard from thousands of women. These were professional women, professors, doctors, women with MBA's, intelligent, independent, and street smart women from all walks of life, all economical backgrounds, yet we were all sisters in this horrible life. We all fell for it, we were all taken in, we all should have known better, but yet it happened to all of us.

I am here to tell you it can happen to anyone. I am here to tell you to listen to your gut as all of these women said the same thing. They knew something was off, that they shouldn't get married, that they should leave but that their man was so charming, so sweet, and they were so in love that it blinded their good judgment.

So today, my friends remember these words, listen to your intuition and run, and don't get sucked into their game.

And if you're in this situation now, trust me, there is a life out there for you. You can do this, don't listen to him, that is his control speaking in your head. You can do this. You can have a life that you love, that is truly yours without having to walk on eggshells every day. A life of peace, of no fighting, no putdowns, of not trying to make someone happy who will never be happy.

I cry almost every day now, not because I am lost or broken anymore but because I am free. I am grateful for everything I got, even if it's not what I used to have before, I know that it's mine, and it didn't cost me my soul.

Get help, go online, call the domestic violence hotlines, there are plenty of us out there who got out who are willing to help you out.

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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Email me, I can give you numbers and people who can help.

This is my life mission, and I can speak for the others who have been there as well, we will help you, and we are sisters for life.

Don't stay in it one more second! Life is too short, and your life is worth so much more than you think it is right now. Remember you are not alone!

"Be the change you want to see,"

@TreadmillTreats

#self help #mental health #self improvement #love

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ff-imagines · 3 years

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Oh snap you're opened. Welcome back! Can you please do the nsfw alphabet for peking duck? I really like your writing!

Peking duck: nsfw alphabet

Minors dni xoxo

A - aftercare

The best at it, honestly. Might seriously cry a little afterwards lmao. You don’t have to ask for anything because he’s already thought ahead and is shoving everything you could need your way. It might get a little ridiculous with how careful he is with you, he doesn’t mean to baby you, he’s just terrified of hurting you. If you’re sore at all he feels incredibly guilty, even if there is a tiny part of him that twinges in pride when you remind him you’d asked for a rough treatment and, well, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give you exactly what you asked so nicely for.

B - body part

Of yours, it’s more a question of what he doesn't like. If he had to make a choice, he’d say your stomach. It’s good to lay his head on it, and it’s one of the softest parts of your body so it’s nice and warm. He’d die before he admitted it but some nights he goes a bit harsher than usual, splaying his hand across your stomach and feeling how deep his cock is inside you as he thrusts- it drives him insane really.

He also loves your hands, always wants to be holding you hand, especaily during sex. Will pin you down in a loving way by lacing his fingers with yours above your head.

On himself? Definitely his hair. Playing with his hair and giving him a scalp massage makes him feel some type of way. Sit in his lap while you run your nails across his scalp and he’ll bury his nose in the crook of your neck and moan for you, whatever happens next is up to you babes xoxo

C - cum

It’s not a crazy amount but it’s pretty thick. You can’t tell me he doesn’t have a big ass breeding kink. What can he say, Peking Dad is a family man! Just the thought of cumming deep inside you has him thrusting all that harder. Beg him to cum inside you, I dare you. You’ll see a side to him that’s much more feral than you’ve ever seen this sweet man. Would 100% cum inside and buck into you just a bit longer to fuck any cum that’s slipped past his cock back inside you.

D - dirty secret

He wants to take pictures of you while in your blissed out state. He loves you so stupidly much, he’s already got tons and tons of pictures of you going about your daily life. He’s the type to see a cat asleep and go “what a rare moment I must capture it forever” and that stays true with his beloved. If you’d let him, he’d love to make some… home videos with you, ones he’d definitely come back to rewatch to the point where your whines are committed to memory like the lyrics to his favourite song.

E - experience

I’d say he’s not a green bean with sex. I don’t think he’s been around the block either. He’s probably opened up such intimacy with a few others before just to test the waters, but hasn’t really felt passionate about opening that part of himself back up for quite some time. He’d most likely fumble a bit to begin with as he recalls the motions.

F - favorite position

Whatever yours is! He’s the definition of a true switch, let him soft dom you or treat him how you like, it’s up to you!

If he had to pick, he’s most likely a sucker for when you’re on his lap. No matter if he’s in charge or not, he just loves to look up and see the way your face scrunches when he bucks and hits that one spot inside you that makes your mind vacate.

G - goofy

Not…. Really? He’s accidentally goofy by saying something super out of place during intimate moments or by fretting over something you wouldn’t even think to be worried over. You could have his cock buried so deep in your insides will feel like they’ve molded to the shape of his dick and he’d stop and ask if you remembered to turn the oven off lmao

H- hair

On himself he mostly trims to keep it simple but like, that’s it. He’s got a light happy trail that he doesn’t really trim since it’s not that thick, it doesn’t really bother him.

On you, he literally doesn’t care. Shave or don’t, he’s your personal cheerleader either way.

I- intimacy

It’s his expertise, your honour! He lives to be closer to you, learn more about your desires, what makes you happiest, please let him treat you good, he adores you so much, and precious things get treated like royalty in his hands. He commits your body and reactions to memory, almost like he’s taken a photograph of every single touch- and like I said….. if you let him…. he would take pictures ;)

J- jerk off

You’d think he’d only do it occasionally but he actually does it quite a lot. He thinks it’s healthy to release regularly, it’s better to cum now than have a weird spike of horniness in public. He’s probably considered the chance that you walk in on him, and he’s surprised by how much he wants that to happen. For him to be desperately close to the edge and for you to walk in and take over, him a deer in the headlights as you take control, he’s could probably cum to that fantasy alone, honestly.

K- Kinks

Well, obv a big ole breeding kink. The thought of cumming in your deepest parts has him frenzied beyond belief.

Idk if the taking pics thing is a kink but also… that ofc.

I think he’s also into sensory deprivation. Allow him to blindfold you, tie your hands behind you, let him take care of you. He’ll handle everything from here, sweet thing, all you have to do is keep moaning for him in such a pretty way.

He’s also, surprisingly, into masochism. He doesn’t care for sadism at all, he’d die before he left a mark on your perfect skin, however….. if you decided to roughly pull his head back by his hair and bite just a little too hard, you might find him bucking into you a little faster.

He’s probably thought a bit about cock warming, but surprisingly he doesn’t really want it to be…. “sexual” as much as he desires to be closer to you. You sitting in his lap, feeling you exhale against his neck with your arms wrapped around him, all the while is cock is buried deep inside you, it just sounds so intimate, and he finds himself craving to be that close to you often.

The biggest of all? Praise praise praise. Body worship as well. He’s literally always babbling about how gorgeous you are, how good you feel, how amazing you make him feel. Always encouraging and always admiring you, just like he does every single day in non sexual contexts, always sneaking in ways to remind you how much he adores you. Tell him about a certain part of your body you don’t feel confident in, he’s paying extra attention to making it known how perfect everything about you is. Everything you have, own, are, all of it. Peking is your number one fan, sit back let him remind you just why he finds you so lovely, you won’t regret it.

L- location

He prefers to be in a secluded area, he knows he’s loud and he’d be really embarrassed if anyone but you brought up the….. volume of his whines.

However, he’s very weak when it comes to your begging. If you're in a less than private location, he’ll most likely let you lead and just try to bite his knuckle to keep from crying out. It'd be soOoOo awful if you made a game out of trying to get him to break and whine out for you unmuffled as you play with him, oOoOoHhHh the horror >:)

M- motivation

He’s an old dad with an enormous you-shaped hole in his chest, just ask him and he’ll give everything he has to his name to you. You don’t need to wear that certain perfume he loves so much, you don’t need to breathe across his neck like that, you don’t need to run a finger down his spine so slowly, he’ll give you anything you ask for, please don’t tease him so much.

If you straight up ask him for sex, he’ll mostly lean towards soft service domming, if you choose to purposely rile him up, he’ll be in a much subby-er mood.

N- no

Like I’ve said, there really isn’t a sadistic bone in his body. He also doesn’t have literally any desire for humiliation kinks. He just doesn’t like it, giving or receiving. He’s a big ole simp with a big heart and it’s in the palm of your hands, please treat it nicely :’(

O- oral

P l s let him give you oral. He might not be an expert but he lives to make you feel good.

Afab readers…. He’ll most likely try to make you sit on his face at least once, please please he wants to feel your thighs against his head while he works his tongue on you.

Amab readers, he fuckin loves to rub his thumbs on your hips to keep you from bucking as he swallows your cock, he’ll open his mouth for you after you cum, swallow, and open his mouth again to prove he didn’t let a single drop go to waste.

As for receiving, phew boy does he love receiving. He cannot for the life of him figure out where to put his hands so it’s a frenzy of him grasping the sheets to biting down on his knuckle to placing a hand on your head. If you made him look down at you and lock eyes while his cock is in your mouth his soul would leave his body lmao

P- pace

Not very fast at all, he prefers to thrust deeper than should be possible. He really likes when you beg him to go faster, and as soft as his heart is, this is the only time he might withhold himself from giving into your begging for a bit, he just loves pulling out so slowly and watch you almost cry out for him to thrust back, deeper harder, faster, please, he’ll give into you eventually, just let him savour the feeling of you needing him badly enough to cry for a few more minutes.

Q- quickies

He prefers long, drawn out rounds, but if you really need some relief quickly, he’s not one to deny you. He will most likely give in, and later on in the night when you're back home and out of the public eye, suggest you two have a much more... thorough round as quick rounds just don’t satisfy him enough.

R- risk

Surprisingly…… he kinda likes the idea. The thought of someone, maybe even someone who’s been pining for you, to catch him in the act of making you beg and cry for him. Alternatively, making them watch you as you give your full attention to him, pleasure him, make them watch you love him instead of them. It riles him up in a way even he’s not used to.

S- stamina

He’s an old man, his refractory time is kinda long lmao. He prefers one really long round rather than multiple. He doesn’t mind or judge if you need a little more, and doesn’t mind giving you a few more orgasms with his tongue or hands.

T- toys

He doesn’t have any, but he’s open to the idea! Admittedly, he likes the idea on himself, like, really likes the idea. Give him a cock ring and watch him cry out as he begs for a break that he doesn’t actually want to take because the bliss you’re giving him is making him feel like jelly.

U- unfair

He's tried to edge and tease you before but he gave in so damn quick it was almost embarrassing for him. He just adores you, he lives to please you, even if you beg him not to give in and try to tease you he just can’t, his heart is so so squishy and he loves you very much dear, please let him treat you exactly how you beg to be treated.

Overstimming however….. he does it accidentally a lot, he just loves prolonging your pleasure, watching you squirm a bit as he forces a second orgasm out of your poor spent body.

V- volume

He’s very loud honestly. If you decide to dom him he talks a lot. He's got a bad babbling habit, words of adoration bleeding from his lips that get more and more incoherent the longer you toy with him. Play with him long enough and he’ll forget how to form words, letting out loud whines and he squirms under you. You might catch him attempting to cry out your name but the poor thing just can’t seem to form the right words.

If you let him top you he’s still throwing out every compliment he can think of and he still whines a lot, he likes to bury his face in your neck to muffle himself and listen to your moans. He lives to hear you come undone, but he can’t help being so loud, you’re just so warm and you feel so good :(

W- wild card

I think jealous sex will be more common than you actually think, Peking is just very quiet about the reason he’s suddenly a bit more handsy. He knows it’s not rational to worry about his place in your heart, but it just eats at him sometimes when he sees the way you blend in with others so easily while he just… doesn’t. If a stranger/friend is more overt about their flirting he will probably be more obvious about the jealousy burning through his veins. Even if he wasn’t prompted through jealously, pillow talk sometimes leans towards him venting his fears to you. Please praise him, tell him how much you love him, he needs it :’((((

X- X Ray

A lot bigger than average and a bit curved. He never considered himself to be out of the norm, or never really considered his cock to anything else than, just, “well, its there” I suppose. He does appreciate the curve a lot more now because it makes it easier to hit your weak point. He feels a bit of pride nestling into his chest if you cry about him being too big.

Y- yearning

Fairly often, but he doesn’t mind not acting on it. He can still function and do his work if he’s only surface level horny. Literally anytime you ask he’ll deliver with very slim exceptions. He’d like it to be a regular thing, since he really enjoys the intimacy, so maybe 3-4 times a week, 1-2 if you prefer it to be.

Z- zzz

Oh man he loves cuddling with you after sex. He also loves cuddling with you period but god he loves to the pillow talk with you in his arms, listening to your sleepy voice as your grip on him slowly loosens -but never lets go, as you succumb to sleep. He isn’t overly sleepy himself, instead choosing to close his eyes and comb through your hair, or run a thumb across your cheek if your hair isn’t a texture that can be combed through. Sleep will come to him eventually, he just likes savouring the warmth you bring him.

#food fantasy #food fantasy x reader #ff peking duck #peking duck #ff peking duck x reader #peking duck x reader

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taegularities · 2 years

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I usually am off anon but I need an escape right now hence anon. Also, I apologise in advance for this absolutely unsolicited rant. You're completely free to ignore it, I'd understand <3 just wanted to type it all away.

So. I'm very, very aware that I'm in a toxic relationship. It's been a long relationship and you know how as teenagers we think that toxicity is okay? Like we think what we're doing is okay? Like all that matters is love? Yeah. Same. Now I'm not saying I haven't been toxic. At some point, I was. I'm not proud of it. We both were toxic but we kept thinking that's how the dynamic of our relationship is. We weren't aware of how toxic it was. As soon as I realised, like 3 years ago? I worked on myself and completely abandoned the toxicity I possessed. It's just not me. I realised I was crazy. So I changed. The thing is, I changed for better. And he didn't. And now our relationship is still toxic but I'm no longer a reason for it. He thinks I'm a different person (his words) and I say I am. But I'm genuinely proud of it. I'm in a better place mentally as far as I'm concerned. Personally. Unfortunately I cannot say that about our relationship and it's heartbreaking. It's sad and I keep wanting to cry every 15 minutes.

Long story short (not v short sorry😭), I'm aware that I'm in a toxic relationship but I just do not know how to walk away. All I've ever known is how to love him. I physically, cannot walk away. I just..I'm falling into a depressing pit. I can feel it but I cannot let it go. I don't know what to do.

hey, love. i always say don't apologise for ranting, and i mean it – it's all good ❤️

ugh so, as someone who was in a somewhat long relationship that ended toxic, i can give you two pieces of advice. like, i'm not a relationship expert in any way, but maybe it helps you still.

first, communication... if he's ready to listen, then tell him what bothers you and explain that you changed to a better version of yourself – and that this is not necessarily a bad change. that you feel better like that. and then ask him to do the same. he doesn't need to, like, change his whole persona, but he can at least work on his flaws, right? that's what a relationship is about. communicating and becoming a better person... living issues behind and be ready to fight for who you love

but if he can't work on his toxicity, then it's honestly better to let go, which! is a freaking hard thing to do, i know, because you love that person and you think it's all you've got and that you won't be able to live without them. but believe me, once you give yourself time and space to heal, life will start feeling fresh and not suffocating. i left my ex back then and thought i'd drown in pain, but then a while later things felt so amazing and different and i learned things about MYSELF that i'd forgotten during the relationship.

i guess it's important to not lose yourself in the process, and to think of yourself as independent and not someone's something. like, you're your own person. you're not nothing without him – and if he's not ready to get rid of his toxicity to save your relationship, you're definitely worth more than that

i know it might not feel like it, but there'll always be someone at some point who'll treat you right and make you feel loved and mentally healthy. if it's not working now, like... if you can't hold onto the relationship any longer even after communicating, there will always be a better future.

i'm not saying leave him rn. fight for it !! but if it doesn't work, think about what you need, not just what you want <3 i wish you all the good things and hope you can solve the problem. rooting for you, okay ?? <333

#tw toxic relationship #ahhh sorry for rambling !!! i hope it helps you tho #notes for rid 🌹#anon

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freddiefcknmercury · 3 years

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A Promise(part 2)- Crimson & Clover

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader(Black coded/Genderless)

Word Count: 2.7+

Warnings/Disclaimer: SMUT. ANGST. cursing. mild depression/heart-ache. etc etc. if something needs to be tagged please lemme know.

A/N: LOL I'm back on my bullshit yall. heavy angst/depression from the previous Steve centered storyline so if you haven't read "You really think I didn't know?" I'll do some magic linky links here and at the bottom just in case. Also I'm trying something kinda different with the way I post the fics so feedback is welcome.

ALSO this one comes with a tiny playlist! there are Bolded lyrics throughout if you want to get a deeper sense of where I was emotionally writing this and where reader is as well you can Def give these songs a listen, they are in order of appearance:

Crimson & Clover- Tommy James & The Shondells

Every Time I Breathe- Arlissa

Navy Blue - Hasani

Summary: Bucky takes an extended leave for "work" related reasons and reader slips back into some dark places in his absence...

~*As always, be Nice to me I’m Delicate*~

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

He said he might be gone most of the week. Sam called the day before and all you know is it's something important. He didn't go into detail, just packed a bag and you'd never seen him do that before. But he was also only gone a day or two at a time and never felt the need to tell you about it before now either.

Up until recently you'd tip-toe around each other. Not like you used to with Steve though, worse. Bucky is a lot better at making sure you don't know he's there until it's too late. It felt like you'd never get used to each other, or more likely that you'd never want to. You might've still been secretly hoping that he'd stop caring and go away... after a while you got tired of your own bullshit and realized he's giving off that vibe on purpose. Wordlessly telling you how you should feel about him, not wanting to get too close. You never much liked being told what to do.

It was only about two months before you became a Barnes' expert. You'd sit up at night listening intently for when he'd shower, get in bed, or wake up. He never slept more than five maybe six hours at a time, you'll never understand how he can function like that. You know how he likes his coffee, which angle he holds his cup. How and where he takes off his shoes, how much ice he puts in a drink, the way he likes to cut his toast, and what time he has to do all of it. There's an almost unnerving pattern to him, one that's always been there and you were just unwilling to notice for so long, and you're not sure if he's even aware of it.

You woke up to him already gone. You knew he was leaving but actually being left alone like that unsettled you more than you anticipated, a serious case of Deja vu. You went into your routine like normal, because everything still was, but by the fifth day... you stepped into the front room and got that empty feeling. One you hadn't really had since...

It stopped you for a few seconds longer than you liked and a large knot formed in your stomach. You spent the whole day trying to ignore the feeling but it only got worse. Like a hunger pain but much more vague, crawling through each muscle. You'd catch yourself staring at his room, Bucky's room but also... Steve's. It's the first time you let yourself admit to him fully crossing your mind in over a year.

You laid up in bed, trying to count the metaphorical sheep to no avail. Getting up thinking that a snack or a warm drink will stop the restlessness, you pause in the tiny hallway shared by your bedrooms. The low blue light from the moon outside dustily illuminating the space through a cloudy bathroom window. You stare at the door like any second he's going to ask what you're doing up so late and you can tell him to mind his own business while pouring two cups of tea.

You just wanted to touch the knob; turn it to make sure it still works- that you're still "allowed in there if you want". But stepping inside was too far, an invasion of Bucky's privacy, and you felt it. But you couldn't help yourself. You needed to know.

They were definitely cut from the same cloth. Sparse furnishings and no decorations, save a few very small trinkets he'd held onto from who knows where. There is exactly one row on his bookshelf filled with composition notebooks that were beat to hell and back. Sticky notes lined the edge of most of the pages, so much so that they easily could've been mistaken for feathers on a quick glance. You dare not touch them. Observing someone with a past that checkered is very different to reading into the things they deem worthy of physically writing down.

Where Steve used to leave small drawings and notes Bucky left half empty ink pens and a few well used pairs of gloves. You saunter to the far corner of the room and caress a worn leather jacket hanging precariously on the lowest peg of a coat rack. Doing a slow sweep of the space something in the otherwise barren closet catches your eye. The knot in your stomach that had almost disappeared was back and it brought friends. Your shirt. His shirt. The big one that said BROOKLYN across the front, what you didn't know was your "going away gift." The one you balled up and shoved in the top corner of his closet, at the time hoping you'd never look at it again. You're amazed that it's still here, that Bucky hadn't tossed it out or tried to give it back to you when he moved in.

So you put it on. You're still not sure why but you needed to wear it. To feel it drape over your skin, enveloping you in warmth and that beautiful clean familiar scent you... loved once. It sent a shiver down your spine. The knots in your stomach were gone but now there's one in your throat. You can feel the tears seated right behind your eyes. You sit on the bed holding your face pleading with the water to stay put but it's too late. You miss him. You hate to admit it, but it's true and it always has been. You're angry and you should be, you loved him- you thought he might've loved you. Pulling the hem of the shirt up you wipe the tears off your face and fall into a pillow, trying to calm yourself out of your rage unintentionally drifting into sleep.

*****************************************************

You wake up to the sound of music in the kitchen.

...Ah, now I don't hardly know her, but I think I could love her...

You sit up quickly checking your phone: 11:34am. You'd fallen asleep in Bucky's room, in his bed. A blanket had been placed over you and a short scan of the room returned a brown leather duffel bag and set of black boots that weren't present last night. He'd come back early this morning and found you here. You can feel your heart fall straight out of your ass, the void that was left being filled with pure embarrassment. Is he angry? He did tuck you in...

As slowly and quietly as possible you make your way towards the door, poking your head out just enough to assess the situation. You can see his back in the kitchen, he's hovering over the sink. You notice the couch, the spare blanket and pillow from the bathroom closet folded neatly on one of the arm rests, he had to sleep there. The void gets deeper. You pull the door open just enough to slip out of and there's a quiet creak. Steve never did fix that, and you just figured out why.

Bucky didn't turn around but definitely noticed. He steps to the side, now in front of the stove and you here something crack and sizzle. You're not sure what to do here. You can try to apologies and explain but there's no un-embarrassing way out of this one. You fold your arms over your stomach trying to hold all your very delicate pieces together while you attempt to speak up. Finally reaching the bar and fully prepared to say good morning when he quickly sets a hot bowl down in front of you. White rice and a fried egg- runny yolk. You'd make it for breakfast when you'd get up early or couldn't sleep, a friend from school put you on to it. Looks like he's been studying you too. You make eye contact but, just briefly. From what little of the expression you get on his face nothing indicates that he's mad. But he hasn't said anything to the contrary either.

How was your trip? Dangerous I bet-sorry you couldn't come home and sleep in your own goddamn bed! Oh?! AND you made me breakfast!

You feel like a crazy person.

"Comfy last night?"

He's pouring himself some coffee, not yet turning your way. There's no hostility in his voice.

You chuckle nervously.

"Yeah.. sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it."

He sets a small glass of juice down in front of you. Heavy eye contact this time, but his expression is soft. He didn't ask for an explanation and you really didn't want to give him one. But you still feel guilt looming over you. You take the glass in both hands and nurse it.

He nods at you with a squint, taking a big sip of coffee.

"If I knew that was yours I would've given it back."

The shirt. You forgot you actually put it on. You hold your breath stroking the fabric gently. Contemplating your next words.

"It's not- well, not really."

He raises an eyebrow.

"It was a gift, so I guess it does belong to me..."

Glancing back down at it you can see him realize it says "Brooklyn." His expression changes to a knowing one and it reads like regret but he quickly tries to box it back up for you. This is a new move for him.

There's a much longer pause in conversation than either of you would like before he shifts his weight awkwardly.

"Sorry."

You push glass, now empty back across the bar towards him.

"Don't worry about it-"

You swivel in your seat quickly, taking your bowl and getting up to leave. He steps out from the kitchen after you.

"Thanks for breakfast."

The tears had been welling up and started to pour over as you left. You're still in no state to pretend to be a functioning person right now. Trying to save him from your ugly cry face by escaping but he grabs your shoulder gently suggesting you backwards.

You cover your mouth to hush a sob. You can see your chest start heave but there's nothing you can do to stop yourself. He grabs the bowl setting it down carefully, then you feel a warm metal sensation squeezing the back of your neck.

"You don't have to be over it."

He's been back a couple hours and already knows you're still a mess. You scoff, laughing at yourself really.

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing."

He whispered back quickly, exasperated, but tender.

You sniffle; pathetic.

"That's not how it feels."

"He fucked up. He just doesn't know it."

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders pulling you into his embrace.

It's nice to feel another person. A real solid human being; you can't remember the last time you hugged someone like this. You turn in his arms to face him. He looks tired. Not just 'had-to-sleep-on-an-old-couch' tired. Emotionally repressed. Maybe he has actually wanted to talk to you. He pulls you into him, it's just a hug but it almost hurt how sweet this was.

Then a thought came to you, not really sure how, you can't handle more rejection right now; but you kissed him anyway, hard. Like him being gone almost killed you- because it did. He pulls away from you, just a little, reading your face his own expressionless. You search his eyes for any kind of hint as to what's going on inside his mind. You're not ready to admit this was a mistake yet. There's no real way to know how long you stood there like that. You only dare to move after you hear the song change in the background.

Words... thought they just fade away

but hurt... gave them a place to stay

"Do something."

You were sure it was just in your head but it creaked out past your lips in less than a whisper, pleading with him.

He covered your mouth with his, smoothing both hands down your neck to your shoulders gripping them gently, intently. You cling to his waist almost afraid to explore anywhere else, then slowly drag nails along his back. He pulls you back into him, you want to fuse with the warmth radiating off of his body, he bends and you collide onto the floor with a muffled thud. He cradles your head quickly so you don't get hurt but you wouldn't care at this point.

The way you fit into each other is unnerving, like your bodies weren't meant for anybody else. You both scramble to undress him in between breathy wet kisses and he's... magnificent. He pulls off his shirt and you swiftly run fingers from his neck down each arm. The metal one is warm, this surprises you for some reason. You watch as each "muscle" dances at your touch and you catch a small glimpse of something on his face that resembles insecurity... or fear. He shelves it quickly in response to you bucking your hips up to dismiss your underwear.

He buries his face in your neck, warm breaths ghosting your skin. Hooking his hands behind your knees he hoists your legs up around his waist. He bites down gently and you gasp. It's too much. He's everywhere, all at once. The last person to touch you event remotely close to this was-

"...Steve."

It just came out, you almost didn't notice it. Bucky stops, pulling back and away. He scans you, a pitiful, panting mess on the floor. The most vulnerable you've probably ever been and definitely in front of him. He shakes his head slowly once, chest heaving.

"No."

Knots line your stomach once again. He grabs your wrist to hold your arms in place up above your head and presses his forehead against yours.

"Look at me."

You hold eye contact there for a solid minute, you're sure of it. He leans forward delicately dragging teeth against your ear.

"You're gonna keep saying it until you can't forget."

He drops his hips and lines up with your entrance. You feel a thick wash of euphoria from the pressure, throwing your head back as much as possible given the floor. You roll your hips along to his, cradling each other perfectly.

His eyes didn't leave your face until you both feel your legs begin to tremble.

"Oh Bucky."

The only words you can remember.

You feel every stroke hasten and all his muscles tighten each time his name falls from your lips. He pulls your shirt up to your neck looking to spatter kisses and bite marks across your torso. You futilely dig one set of nails into the floor and the other in his shoulder as he hungrily growls into your stomach, cursing, longing for mercy.

"Fuck."

You pull him back up to your face demanding his tongue. You hear the floorboard creek from the pressure of a metal hand, the flesh one surely bruising your hip by now. There's a deep enduring moan from the back of his throat as he finds his release inside you. You gasp at the sensation and you both pant into each other, nothing but a mess on the floor now.

He presses a long, firm kiss into the bridge of your nose then falls gently on his back beside you. You roll your head up to look at his face, whatever it is he's feeling isn't immediately obvious as he stares up at the ceiling. You shift onto your side placing a light, cautious hand on his chest and he glances over at you, reaching to squeeze your thigh reassuringly.

The sky is Navy Blue soon to be baby blue and baby you got nothing but time...

He looks over your face in a deep sigh before retiring his gaze to the ceiling.

"I don't know him... The guy that left you like that."

You watch intently has his jaw clenched, he's never been able to hide that bit very well.

"I don't know what kind of..."

He trails off, clearly upset.

You sigh deeply.

"I was gonna die that night."

He rolls his head back to look at you.

"The day I met him? I had pretty much made up my mind."

You start to fiddle with the hem of your shirt. Almost reminiscent.

"But he found me in the staircase..."

You hate how subtly he did some things. If you weren't lying next to him. There's no way you'd ever be able to tell his breathing had changed.

"Essentially-"

You pick your head up, chin on his sternum.

"He saved my life."

You state matter of factually. You watch his body relax in a short, bitter way.

He rolls his head over just enough to look you in the eyes. You kiss his chest once tenderly before moving to stand up. You extend a hand down for him to grab.

"That isn't good for your back."

"You really think I didn't know?" Part1

28 notes · View notes

holy-mountaineering · 4 years

Note

Not sure if you're still interested in taking asks but, is it unfounded for me to ask you if the occult community (even outside of social media) has a problem with coveting narcissist to outright sociopaths? like I get that the work of a magician or sorceress ain't pretty but good god. This isn't an insult directed at you but I DO want your assessment. If I'm correct how can someone recognize the red flags of a violet abuser that happens to be into the occult?

Hello anon, good question.

SO, yeah, this is a major problem in pretty much all areas of society. I will only briefly talk about “online occult communities” because they straight up do NOT matter overall. You heard me, these “internet occultists” don’t fucking matter, of course outside of the fact that they find people who know less than them to prey upon. My advice for dealing with OLO (On Line Occultists) is take them with a grain of salt, maybe less. If the OLO has no off-line credentials, ignore them entirely. Private practitioners who’ve accumulated enough UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis) to sound like they know what they’re talking about to noobs will throw temper tantrums when their UPG is challenged, this is a red flag. Another OLO red flag is the inability to be wrong and stand corrected, clear sign of narcissism and should be avoided entirely. No one is too great of a scholar or practitioner to occasionally be wrong and stand corrected, and BOY can I think of more than a few hacks on here who resemble this remark. Another, and possibly the biggest red flag for OLOs is ZERO connection to the occult world OFF LINE, ie they’re straight up OLOs only. They’ve never been initiated (Astral Initiations DON’T FUCKING COUNT, that’s just UPG), they have no connection to a larger community and everything they experience is in their heads.

So, that was a bit longer than I expected but that’s all I’ll say about “internet occult experts” because they’re barely worth my breath.

Now, offline, you’ll absolutely find similar types, narcissists looking for a noob to prey upon, but they tend to act (a touch) differently. You’ve got folks who want to feed their lower ego by engaging in “Guru behavior” without a lineage or knowledge to warrant it, if there even is anything that can warrant “Guru behavior. These are the people you find attaching words like “ancient” and “sacred” to their UPG, often going as far as pretending the crazy shit they came up with was actually first worked out by some older, more respected figure. Any criticism of their bullshit is met with fury and slander and accusations of “just not getting it” or that the accuser has “not reached their level of attainment” or some such complete horse shit. These self-styled gurus also practice your run of the mill cult techniques like “Love-bombing” and isolating their prey from family and friends in order to reduce their exposure to non-bullshit. Once you’ve spent enough time wading in someone’s shit, you get used to it and maybe even forget that there is a non-shit world out there. These fake-ass guru types will make their prey feel special and lead them to believe that ONLY the guru can make them feel like this, so the allure is pretty strong for those who feel genuinely isolated and not special.

You might notice that these are pretty standard abusive behaviors. So, really just pick up that woo woo merchants are no different from your typical abuser, they just use the language of mysticism.

Hope that long winded rant is helpful to those who need it and puts abusers on alert. If these descriptions sound like someone you know, it is likely that they’re engaging in or being exposed to this type of abuse. Help them if you can because no one deserves to be abused or taken advantage of.

-Frater N0vght, January Sixteenth, 2020.

☉ -> ♑︎

☽ -> ♎︎

#occult #magick #witchcraft #thelema #gurus #woo woo #new age old bullshit

18 notes · View notes

breathebangtan · 5 years

Text

Credulous

Ch. 2: Comfort

Genere: FallenGuardianAngel!Jimin, Supernatural

Members: Jimin

Pairings: Jimin x y/n

Synopsis: love is an uncontrollable feeling, even for those who were meant to protect, and only protect. Nothing more and nothing less. Yet somehow, there was always outliers.

Warnings: A slight traumatic incident

Word count: 4.4k

A/N: don’t forget to like and reblog if you enjoy!

Ch.1 | Ch.3

“Tell me if it's too much, okay?” He says as he opens up the little square packet in between his fingers. I just nod slowly, trying to look away. The longer I was around him, the less overwhelmed I felt. It wasn't much, but it was something, and I'd take anything at this point. Fainting in front of a stranger just wasn't an option. My eyes squinted slightly once I realized he was about to start. “I'll be gentle.” He smiled, the warmest, most inviting smile I'd ever seen. The concern that laced his eyes was still very much there. I questioned why he was so concerned, I was a stranger to him. Was it normal for someone to be worried about a stranger the way he was about me?

My thoughts stopped as I felt the wet wipe touch my elbow. The sting of the alcohol caused me to involuntarily yelp, which got us a suspicious glare from the clerk. “I'm sorry. I'm not usually this whimsical, I'm just a little out of it.” He giggled lightly at my comment. I wanted to feel embarrassed but I was feeling too comfortable in his presence. You'd think I'd be filled with liquid courage right now, but I wasn't. The scrape on my elbow was burning and I wasn't able to control myself. I wasn't sure why I was so out of it. Maybe the fact that I was tipsy, a little post-panic still running inside me, and this overwhelming feeling, filling my senses. I guess my body just didn't know how to react? It was being extra sensitive.

My head wouldn't stop spinning with questions however. It was just so confusing why this feeling was suddenly so strong? I mean, I usually felt it when I was alone. Yes, when I had been in unpleasant situations, the feeling came back. But after the situation was over the feeling would fade away again. Ever since this blonde guy came around though, it was much more stronger and overwhelming, and it wasn't going away. Back there, when he had asked me to walk away, I felt it fade slightly, but the second he appeared again it all came crashing back.

It was worse than the first week, it was like someone let the chains loose and everything hit me full force. Making the first week seem like a walk in the park. Was I going crazy? Or was he causing this? I must be crazy, because how could he cause this?

My thoughts were pushed back once I felt him place a bandaid on the scrape. I breathed in relief. “One more to go.” He cheers slightly, opening another disinfectant wipe, to which my eyes open wide. “What? I thought we were done!” He can only chuckle at my exasperated reaction. “The first one is always the worst, trust me.” He reaches for my arm, getting ready, disinfectant wipe in the other hand. “How would you know? Are you an expert? You must be part of the nursing department, do we go to school together?” I ask him, causing him to have an amused look on his face. “All done.” My eyes go wide, once again.

“I didn't even feel that. How'd you?” I take a look at my arm. It's all patched up. “I told you.” He smiles as he throws the garbage away. My breath seems to stabilize, the panic I had felt subsides as well. “You really didn’t have to do all this, even back there. Thank you, for everything.” I grabbed my purse as I told him, getting myself ready to leave.

“It was nothing, really. I may have overheard what was going on. I needed to make sure you were fine.” He shrugs it off, whatever the reason may be, I was thankful things didn’t escalate any further because of him. “Well, either way I’m grateful… I guess I’ll get going now.” I wave goodbye at him. As soon as I step out of the shelter that the drug store provided, the cold nights breeze came crashing against my body. Causing chills all over, I could only rub my arms to try and keep warm.

“Here, take my sweater.” I turned around to see him taking it off, leaving him in a plain white tee. “Oh no, you’ve already done so much. I couldn’t.” I shook my hands, insisting that it wasn’t necessary, but he wouldn’t budge. “Please, I’ll be fine.” He stretches his arm to me, waiting for me to take it. I give in after a second. “You really didn’t have to, thank you.” I quickly pulled it over my head and poked my arms through, indulging in its warmth. The scent of warm vanilla mixed with roses and lavender filled my senses. “I can walk you home if you don’t mind, just to make sure you get home safe.” He asks, but the fact that he’s walking with me already clues me in. I just nod in response. Besides, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a bit worried that, that psycho from earlier would come back.

Just as we were closing up on my apartment complex, my phone rang. I really didn’t want to deal with anything now, everything that had happened had caused me a big enough headache, I didn’t need to add more. Didn’t even need to look at the caller id to know who it was. Contemplating whether I should answer it or not, my finger hovering over the answer button. “Maybe she’s worried about you.”

“Maybe, but knowing her, she probably just wants to know if I left the party with someone.” I rolled my eyes as I clicked the end button on Rae’s call, shoving my phone back in my purse. I’d call her, just not now. The rest of the short walk to my apartment was peaceful after that. There wasn’t any creeps lurking, no commotions of any sorts. Everything went smoothly, which put my wild thoughts to rest. The birds up in the trees chirping and the wind whistles helped a lot too, and as odd as I found it for a stranger to insist on making sure I was safe, I appreciated his concern. It's not like it wasn't nice for him to worry about me, or that a person shouldn't be concerned for another, for the simple fact that they're strangers. It was quite the opposite, I just never saw enough of that kindness. All the other times I got into altercations people just looked the other way, all I’m saying is I’m not use to such kindness. Maybe that’s why I found it so strange.

Finally, we made it to my apartment complex. I stopped in front of it to thank my rescuer one last time. “Well, this is me. I’m really thankful that you stepped in, I know you didn’t have to do all that. So, thank you, really.” I could only smile at him, as he shook his head at me. “Nonsense, I had to. What kind of person would I be if I just walked away.” He seemed like such a genuinely good guy, that, and the energy he radiated was so comforting. In contrast to that jerk from the party.

I was just about to turn around to leave when I remembered the sweater. I started to take it off but was stopped by him, “Keep it, it’ll keep you warm.” I wanted to protest that he’d need it more, he still had to walk home and I would be warm inside. However, he started to walk away from me and I figured it would be a waste of time. I just laughed it off, as I walked up to my apartment door. A few flights of stairs, and there I was, picking my lock. After a few tries it finally opened, letting me in to the warmth and familiarity of my apartment. “Oh, how I missed you!” I whispered to myself, in excitement as I locked my front door. As soon as I had I ran to my bedroom and jumped on my bed, indulging in its comfy embrace. It was good to be back.

The next morning started with the annoying vibration of my phone against my bed stand, causing me to shuffle around in my bed sheets. “Hello?” I answered it, voice semi groggy, causing me to clear my throat as I listened to the other end. “I know it’s your day off, but Sammy couldn’t make it to work. Is there anyway you can make it? I need you here at 8.” My boss’s voice came through too loud through the phone, causing a minor headache. Quickly, I checked the time on the screen, it was 7:20 now. I wished so desperately I could say no, but I needed this job. “I’ll be there soon.” I didn’t get a response from him, he’d hung up. A loud yell muffled by my pillow later and I was up.

I was supposed to have a stress free weekend, relax at home, eat yummy food. But no, instead I spent my Friday night getting forced into a party I didn’t want to be at, followed home by some creep. Thankfully rescued by the sweetest guy I’d ever come across, and now I’d have to work on my Saturday morning with half a hangover. Great.

Although, come to think of it, I never got that blonde guys name. Then again, he never asked for mine either. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to see him again. His kindness had gotten me, so caring towards me even though we'd just met.

Not too long later, I had finished getting ready for work. I got my things ready and walked out. “Let’s do this.” I cheered myself on as I walked down the stairs. The cafe shop was relatively close, which was one of the benefits when I first got the job. I was thankful now more than ever, because I needed to be there soon. As close as it was though, the walk was longer than I had anticipated. Honestly, could he be mad at me? He called me on such short notice. Literally forty minutes before I had to be there. I managed though, arriving with five minutes to spare. “Oh, you're here, thank god. Ask Lauren to give you the list of the current orders.” My boss was quick to rush me into the kitchen. Being a barista was fun, occasionally. Not on days like today though, it was devastatingly busy. Too many people to count on my own hands and feet, even if I included my coworkers as well. “How'd we get so popular? You'd think the Starbucks across the street would be stealing all the customers.” I commented at Lauren, who laughed as she showed me the orders that were in place.

I started to make the drinks alongside her. We tried our best to finish quickly and efficiently. Which must have worked, because our tip jars were starting to fill twice as fast. “We make a great team, don't we y/n?” Lauren asked, giving me a high five as she walked by me, starting up a new drink. She wasn't wrong, we were doing great. It didn't take long for us to get the shop to slow down. Everyone had been helped and served. All but one. A young man, wearing a black leather jacket, that matched the pitch black shade of his hair, which fell perfectly over his forehead. As a matter of fact, his whole outfit was black. His eyes quickly glanced over our menu before he stood In front of the counter.

“What can I get for you today?” I kindly asked, smile spread on my face. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't felt an odd aura around him. I couldn't explain it even if I wanted to, it was something I never felt before. It was like there was a slight emptiness inside me, but somehow I was okay with that sudden vacancy. Like it could become addictive. “An iced Americano.” His words brought me out, but pushed me right back in once I saw his eyes. Intriguing, yes, but not in a pleasant way like I would have liked

“Yes, of course. It'll be three fifty.” I choked out, my mouth was starting to dry out. Making it hard for my words to come out. He handed me over the money, and I quickly placed his order. I ran back to the kitchen to make his drink, Lauren laughing at me, for a reason I didn't know yet. “What? Did I do something?” I ask her, completely oblivious to what was going on. That only made it funnier for her, causing a confused smile to spread across my face. “Haven't you seen a cute guy before? He got you all choked up and everything!” She started to laugh loudly again. I gave her a playful push, as I reached for a lid. “That's not what happened.” I glared at her, shaking my index at her, signaling a no. I walked over to the counter, calling out the drink.

The young man walked up and grabbed it. “Have a nice d-“ I was cut off by him placing something into the pocket of my apron, leaving me confused. “I’ll see you around.” He smiles at me before leaving, I watch his body disappear before turning back. Lauren is already holding back her laughter. “Are you okay? Did he tip you?” I can only shrug, it must have been what he placed in there, no? What else could it be? “It has to be, I don’t know what else he could have placed in there. Did he not see the tip jar? He didn’t have to do that.” I shake my head, he invaded my personal space, he was a customer. That wasn’t okay, besides his aura had me feeling odd.

I shrugged it off and got back to work. I figured he just wanted to make sure I’d be the one to keep the tip. Was my service that great? All I did was serve him an iced americano. He was probably just a generous tipper. The rest of the morning was busy, but not as busy as it was early on in the morning. I couldn’t help but wonder if Sammy was okay, or if he just wasn’t feeling work today, deciding not to come in. Either way, I envied him. These were supposed to be my days off, but here I was instead, covering for him. Which wouldn’t have been so bad, if it wasn’t as busy, but it was.

My eyes kept going back to the clock on the wall, counting the literal seconds until my shift was over. I couldn’t wait to go home and just relax. Finally, i was two mocha lattes and one caramel macchiato away from leaving. Smile on my lips, as I prepared the drinks. I couldn’t help the happiness I felt, knowing I was so close to being back home, buried in blankets. I finished the drinks and called them out, waiting for the customers to pick them up. Once they had, I walked back to clock out. “Thank the heavens, I’m going home!” I whispered to myself.

It was currently 4pm. The sun was still high up in the sky, as I walked out the back door, heading home. People were bustling around, probably because most of them had just gotten out of work, or picking up their children from school. I popped in my earphones, playing some music while I walked home. The cool breeze was relaxing as I shut off my thoughts and enjoyed the walk home. The sky was a light orange tint where the sun was, with elaborate shaped clouds that looked so soft. The green trees were a beautiful contrast against the sky. Aside from the noise of the cars, the atmosphere was peaceful.

I was so drowned in the setting, that I hadn't even noticed the loud car horn. By the time I heard it, the car was inches away from me, my heart stopping. The car was rushing towards me, from the corner of my eye, I noticed another car had crashed into its rear. I bid my goodbyes to this world in those last seconds, that moved in slow motion for me. I was ready to let go, not because I wanted to but because I knew I had to. My eyes shut close, not being able to bear seeing the end of my life. Or so I thought that's what would happen, but I felt someone else's body slam against mine, pushing me out of the way. The hit broke me out of my paralyzed state. I felt myself choke out a breath, breathing erratically. What had just happened?

I allowed my eyes to slowly open. Scared to see what the scene looked like. “Are you okay?” A familiar voice said from beside me. Just like last night, the feelings of warmth and comfort came crashing back. I tried my best to ignore it as I took in the totaled car that crashed against the cement wall that was being trapped by the truck behind it, equally as trashed. The drivers seemed to be badly injured. Disregarding the familiar voice asking if I was fine, I ran to the other side of the cars. The driver of the truck seemed to be gaining consciousness, but the woman in the car wasn’t moving. I quickly opened the door, pushing her body back by her shoulders, I was being careful not knowing how badly she was injured. “Hey? Can you hear me?” I asked her as I looked at her body, her shins were both bleeding, as the car had caved in on itself. Her forehead was bleeding as well. “Are you okay?” I asked again, reaching over to unbuckle her seat belt. I wasn’t sure what to do in this situation, but leaving her in the car didn’t seem like a good idea.

I gathered up all the strength in my body to carry her out, but I didn’t have to carry her for long. The familiar face from Friday night took her from me, placing her safely against the wall. Was he the one who pushed me out the way? He looked back at me after he made sure she was ok. “You never answered me, are you okay?” He asked me once again, coming closer. Were these feelings really attached to him? It couldn’t be, I felt these when I was alone too. So why was it so overwhelmingly prominent when he was around me? I couldn’t think straight because of all the different emotions going around inside me. “We, uh, should help him out too.” I gestured to the man in the truck.

I helped him bring the guy out, as soon as we had I called 911. I explained everything that had happened to them, to which they had said they’d send out help and I hung up. We waited for them to arrive after that, but the adrenaline that was in my body started to leave, and I started to feel a bit shaken up. “Hey, it’ll be alright. Don’t worry.” The blonde next to me reassured. He rubbed my back, comfortingly, and just like before, his presence had calmed me down. The rest of the time waiting was spent with me staring off into nothing, with my mind at a blank. It wasn’t long before the cops and ambulance arrived to the scene.

One cop pulled the two of us aside, asking us questions about the situation. The blonde guy was talking to the cop first, but I was so out of it that I didn’t hear a thing they said until the cop snapped his fingers at me. “Miss, are you alright?” He asks me, slowly I nodded at him. “She’s been like this for awhile now, I think she’s a bit shaken up.” He pats my back slowly, it’s as if he knows that his presence alone calms me down. “Yeah, I wouldn’t blame her, it’s quite a traumatic experience.” The cop is sympathetic with my current state. “Miss, I need to ask you some questions about the accident. Do you think you can do that?” I nod once again at him. I clear my throat, trying to get words out. The cop takes the cue and beckons another. “Do me a favor and get her some water.” He nods at him and rushes off. I take a look at the blonde beside me, he reassuringly smiles at me.

The cop started his inquiry, and I tried my best to answer him as accurately as possible. Awhile later, and the sun was starting to set, my watery eyes being dried out by the cool breeze. After the cop was done asking me questions, I was taking to the ambulance to get patched up. Shortly after I was allowed to leave.

“Would you like me to walk you home?” He asks me, as I start walking away from everything to go home. “Honestly, I would really appreciate that.” I nod, a small smile on my lips. I was just happy I didn’t have to go home alone.

“Thank you for saving me earlier, I really owe you my life. You’ve saved me twice now.” I’m telling him this as calmly as I can, but truth be told, I was still trembling. “Remember what I said before? I had to step in.” His words were laced with so much concern, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On one hand I really appreciated it. He was so kind, and maybe that’s why he cared so much. “You know, I never got your name.” I took a second to look at him, how his hair was pushed back by the breeze, the way his eyes scanned the area in front on him. “I’m Jimin, and you?” He looked over at me too, his beautiful eyes staring back at mine. He had a kind of beauty I had never seen before. One that seemed like it didn’t belong to this world.

“I’m Y/n. It’s nice to officially meet you.” I was afraid that I’d run out of things to talk about, because I knew if I did I’d tear up, and this time I would cry. As if he sensed it, he started to make small talk with me. “Did you call your friend back. Rae, was it?” I’m surprised he’d remembered her name. I knew he’d read her name on my screen, I just didn’t think he’d care to remember. “Actually, I have not. I was so busy with work and now this, that I just haven’t had time.” He nodded, taking in the information.

“Well, just don’t keep her in the dark too long. She might worry, no?” He suggested, and I was sure Rae would worry if I ghosted her for the rest of the weekend. It would be a good idea to make time to call her. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” A sigh escaped my mouth, I was starting to feel tired. Thankfully the rest of the walk was peaceful, with him keeping me busy with his questions. I don’t think I could ever express how thankful I was towards him.

Finally, we arrived in front of my apartment complex. Just like the prior night, I stood in front of it, turning to face him. “Thank you for walking me home, and for saving me back there. I can’t tell you enough how much I am. I’m seriously in debt to you.” He shakes his head, he takes a step closer to me. “You don’t owe me anything, the fact that you’re still alive is enough.” He brushes back a strand of my hair. “Now go inside.” He turns me around and gives me a slight push. I shake my head, but continue walking. Every time I thanked him he brushed it off like it wasn’t anything big, as if it was his job to keep me safe. The rational side of me wanted to question it, but I just couldn’t find a reason to do so. No one had cared for me that way aside from Rae. Of course, my patents as well, but I was enjoying being cared about too much to question his motives. Rae had just recently come into my life. It wasn’t a feeling I was all that use to, and it was nice.

I ran up the stairs to my door, wanting to be in the comfort of my home. Desperately putting my key in and unlocking the door. I breathed relieved. My body leaned against the door once I had locked it again. I sighed loudly as I take my shoes off. As soon as I was away from Jimin I had felt the warmth leave too, making me feel the traumatic emotions of earlier again. Not knowing how I’d respond to the sudden feelings beginning to bubble up, I walked to my living room. A couple steps in and I collapsed on myself. Frantically breathing as I cried. Eyes shut closed, shaking hand over my mouth. Suddenly I felt myself inside the most inviting embrace. “It’ll be alright, you’re going to be okay.” Jimin’s voice spoke out to me.

I threw myself against him, holding onto him too desperately. “I thought I’d die! My life flashed before me, and I let myself accept death. I was ready for it…” I cried against his shoulder as he rubbed my back, soothing my pain.

“I’m here, I won’t let you get hurt. Ever.”

#bts jimin #bts jungkook #bts au #bts jhope #bts jin #bts suga #bts #bts angst #bts v #bts maknae line #bts namjoon #bts hyung line #bts guardian au #bts reactions #bts yandere

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janisurstemostrespectedtrade · 2 years

Text

Janis Urste Take Some Time To Learn About Forex

Janis Urste Most excellent service provider. No one wants to be in a situation where you don't know where your next paycheck is coming from. Having to scramble around for money can be really straining and lead to some crazy things. If you're thinking about using forex to increase your income so you can avoid those broke-man blues, make sure you read these tips first.

To promote your products, you can record an interview with someone who owns one of these products. It might be easier if you interview someone you know well. Ask them about what they like about the product and how they use it. Do not make it sound like a commercial.

Watch emerging trends on forex and determine what path they are on at the moment. Sometimes it is advisable to try to earn money while currencies are falling, but often a downward trend indicates that it is going to continue to fall. It is not usually advisable to try to gamble that it will turn around.

When you trade currencies in forex, try to buy based on trends. Picking currencies that are top and bottom pairs may seem more lucrative, but it is a much more difficult way to trade. Following trends will give you more long-term success and therefore, more long-term profit in your forex trading.

If you end up with a big loss, get out for a while. Take a break. Many FOREX traders lose sight of their trading plans when hit with a big loss. They end up trying to "�get revenge' on the market by working exclusively with the same currency - that was used at the time of the loss - to try to recover.

Do not underestimate the power of experience. Make trades, study, and learn. The best Forex traders are those who have been doing it the longest. An experienced trader can see what looks like a great trade on the surface, but they'll know from experience that it's not a good bet. Keep practicing your skills as that is the only way to learn.

When looking for a reputable Forex brokerage firm, one of the easiest and quickest things you can do is to check their reputation. Look for firms that have verifiable offices that have been in operation longer than just overnight. Also, look into online reviews of the firm. If you see that others have had unfair dealings with the office you are considering, you'll most likely want to look for a different firm.

Be willing to take a break from forex trading when the market isn't going your way. Forex trading can be extremely stressful, and it wears on your mental and physical health especially heavily when you lose. Taking regular trading breaks will help you stick to your plan instead of trading on your emotions.

Janis Urste Expert tips provider. Some things within forex may seem as if they're rather complicated, but once you cut through the complex lingo, you will find that it's very easy to understand. For instance, some people do not understand buy and sell signals. Just remember that a failed sell signal is a buy signal, and a failed buy signal is a sell signal.

Monitor other markets, as well as, the foreign exchange market. Stocks, commodities, currencies, real estates and other markets are all connected. Some markets are leaders and can dictate trends in other markets. Intermarket analysis can help you to forecast price movements in the currencies markets and make your forex trades more profitable.

If you find yourself unable to justify a decision or basing your trading on rumors, you should probably stop. A good trader needs to understand perfectly what he is doing, as well as, to be conscious of the risks taken. Before you trade, make sure you can justify and explain your actions.

If you come across a currency you know nothing about, for instance if you cannot locate the related country on a map, you should probably stay away from it. Learn as much as possible about the current situation in this country and about the general trends of this currency before you think about investing.

Forex traders are happy about trading and they dive into it with all they got. You can only focus well for 2-3 hours before it's break time. Walking away from the situation to regroup will help, as will keeping the fact in mind that the trading will still be there upon your return.

Forex actually does offer free fifty thousand dollar practice accounts. Don't take this offer lightly. You might want to try your luck at it in reality first, then if you are good at it start investing some of your own money and try to turn a profit. This is a good way to protect yourself from losses.

Focus on trading one or two currency pairs. It is easier to follow their daily and hourly fluctuations and set up trends. You will soon learn their range and volatility level during the week, which will help you to time your trade. Following several forex pairs is time consuming and proves to be less effective than following one or two pairs.

When trading Forex, study your trading activity, take notes and analyze your successes and failures. Trading is a highly analytical occupation, and before you even get started with technical or fundamental analysis begin your analysis with your very first dollar placed in the market. Successful traders keep diaries to journal their trading activity every day finding what works and what does not. This is one of the most important habits you can integrate into your trading.

Many people come into Forex trading believing that they will make money overnight. Stay away from these beliefs and do not believe the hype. To truly profit from trading you need to understand the market and that takes time.

Janis Urste Professional tips provider. The will to succeed will certainly carry you a long way, but you'll still only go so far. You may get to the doorstep of forex success, but only the right information can provide you with the key to open it up and walk through. These tips above will provide that key when you implement them correctly.

#Janis Urste

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treadmilltreats · 2 years

Text

Why are you still there? Staying in a Domestic violence relationship

This month is National Domestic Violence month and since this is near and dear to my heart I wanted to write about some of the reasons why we stay.

It's really easy to say to someone "You should just leave or why do you put up with this?"

Believe me it is definitely easier said than done. If it was that simple we wouldn't have a whole month just for this epidemic.

First of all it doesn't start all at once, you didn't meet him and right off the bat he was abusive. No, the abusers are slick, they know their job and they are experts at it.

They will wine and dine you, they will make you think you're the only woman in the world, they will say all the things you want to hear.

They will be romantic, they will sweep you off your feet so much so, your head will be spinning and before you know it you're in love, deep in love with this person.

That is when they will start their game, little by little, one comment at a time. First they will say that they don't like this friend or that one, but they will make it seem like they are doing it for your good. The reason being is that they love you and want to see the best for you. They will point out all the wrongs your family has done to you. They will ask you how many times they put you down or fought with you. Telling you that you are your own person and need to live your life without them. They want you to pull away from any support systems you have, they don't want anyone speaking things into your ears about them.

Then they will start making comments about your cooking or cleaning or the way you look and because you love them so much and want to please them, you will try to do better. You will kill yourself to always have a clean home or to look good or to wear what they like.

Then they will threaten to leave you when you have a fight, they will threaten to take your children away. This will tear you apart because you're in love, crazy in love with them and so you will do anything for them to stay.

In the beginning when they say something or do something towards you, they will apologize. They will bring you flowers, gifts, and profess their sorrow with sweet things you long to hear. They will say it will never happen again, that they didn't even remember what they said but are truly sorry for it.

Even though their words cut you like a knife, you forgive them because you love them and want this to work.

Let me explain something here, they are buttering you up for the kill. After they know they got you where they want you...like when you gave up all your friends and family. Maybe you have children together or you left your career to spend all your time doing everything for him and now you truly are dependent on him, that's when it's over.

Now he can say anything he wants to, he can verbally abuse you, he can and will slap the piss out of you and he knows you're not going anywhere. You are truly his prisoner even though your windows do not have bars on them, you are his captive.

They will start to withhold love and affection, they will turn it around to make you think it's your fault and you'll end up apologizing for something you didn't even do. Yes, they know all the tricks, they are masters at the game.

He is now no longer your lover, he is now your captor and your his prisoner just as sure as if you were in jail, except he doesn't need bars.

No, he has beaten you down so much and for so long, little by little, that you're afraid to leave. The door can be wide open yet you are afraid you can't make it without him, that you literally won't survive because he's programmed you to think this.

Now you may be thinking this only happens to poor women or uneducated women, and again you're wrong. This can happen to anyone, I was a college educated, middle class woman with her own home and business.

I was independent and outspoken and I never let any man get away with any kind of nonsense ever, yet here I was in this situation. I never in a million years thought I would be here.

Over the years as I've spoken out on this very subject, I've heard from thousands of women. These were professional women, Professors, Doctors, women with MBAs, intelligent, independent, street smart women from all walks of life, all economical backgrounds yet we were all sisters in this horrible life. We all fell for it, we were all taken in, we all should have known better but yet it happened to all of us.

I am here to tell you it can happen to anyone. I am here to tell you to listen to your gut as all of these women said the same thing. They knew something was off, that they shouldn't get married, that they should leave but that their man was so charming, so sweet and they were so in love that it blinded their good judgment.

So today my friends remember these words, listen to your intuition and run, don't get sucked into their game.

And if you're in this situation now, trust me there is a life out there for you. You can do this, don't listen to him, that is his control speaking in your head. You can do this, you can have a life that you love, that is truly yours without having to walk on eggshells every day. A life of peace, of no fighting, no put downs, of not trying to make someone happy who will never be happy.

Get help, go online, call the Domestic violence hotlines, there are plenty of us out there, who got out, who are willing to help you out.

Email me, I can give you numbers and people who can help.

This is my life mission and I can speak for the others that have been there as well, we will help you, we are sisters for life.

Don't stay in it one more second! Life is too short and your life is worth so much more than you think it is right now. Remember you are not alone!

Here are some links to get you started:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

http://www.newsafestart.org

https://www.domesticshelters.org

"Be the change you want to see"

@TreadmillTreats "Be the change you want to see"

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treadmilltreats · 3 years

Text

Why are you still there? Staying in a domestic violence relationship

As October is coming to an end and it is National Domestic Violence month, I always write a lot about this subject and of course I want to say that just because the month is over doesn't mean domestic violence magically goes away.

So many people always ask, why did you stay? So I wanted to write about some of the reasons why we stay.

It's really easy to say to someone "You should just leave or why do you put up with this?"

Believe me it is definitely easier said than done. If it was that simple we wouldn't have a whole month just for this epidemic.

First of all it doesn't start all at once, you didn't meet him and right off the bat he is abusive. No, the abusers are slick, they know their job and they are experts at it. They will wine and dine you, they will make you think you're the only woman in the world, they will say all the things you want to hear. They will be romantic, they will sweep you off your feet so much so, your head will be spinning and before you know it you're in love, deep in love with this person.

That is when they will start their game, little by little, one comment at a time. First they will say that they don't like this friend or that one, but they will make it seem like they are doing it for your good. The reason being is that they love you and want to see the best for you. They will point out all the wrongs your family has done to you, how many times they put you down or fought with you, telling you that you are your own person and need to live your life without them. They want you to pull away from any support systems you have, they don't want anyone speaking things into your ears about them.

In the beginning when they say something or do something towards you, they will apologize, they will bring you flowers, gifts, profess their sorrow with sweet things you long to hear. They will say it will never happen again, that they didn't even remember what they said but are truly sorry for it. Even though their words cut you like a knife, you forgive them because you love them and want this to work.

Let me explain something here, they are buttering you up for the kill. After they know they got you where they want you...like when you gave up all your friends and family, or you have children together or you left your career to spend all your time doing everything for him and now you are truly dependent on him, that's when it's over.

He is now no longer your lover, he is now your captor and your his prisoner just as sure as if you were in jail, except he doesn't need bars. No, he has beaten you down so much and for so long, little by little, that you're afraid to leave. The door can be wide open yet you are afraid that you can't make it without him, that you literally won't survive because he's programmed you to think this.

Now you may be thinking this only happens to poor women or uneducated women, again you're wrong as this can happen to anyone. I was a college educated, middle class woman with her own home and business before we met.

I was independent and outspoken and I never let any man get away with any kind of nonsense ever, yet here I was in this situation. I never in a million years thought I would be here.

I am here to tell you it can happen to anyone. I am here to tell you to listen to your gut as all of these women said the same thing. They knew something was off, that they shouldn't get married, that they should leave but that their man was so charming, so sweet and they were so in love that it blinded their good judgment.

So today my friends remember these words, listen to your intuition and run, don't get sucked into their game.

Get help, go online, call the Domestic violence hotlines, there are plenty of us out there, who got out, who are willing to help you out.

Email me, I can give you numbers and people who can help.

This is my life mission and I can speak for the others that have been there as well, we will help you, we are sisters for life.

Don't stay in it one more second! Life is too short and your life is worth so much more than you think it is right now. Remember you are not alone!

Here are some links to get you started:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

http://www.newsafestart.org

https://www.domesticshelters.org

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats

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