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#like maybe you just got into the fandom and haven’t finished the story

nowritingonthewall · 3 months

Text

Let me take your hand

Fandom: Star Wars

Character(s): modern!AU Poe, Shara Bey and Kes Dameron

Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!reader

Summary: Sometimes all you need to make the pain a little more bearable is someone to take your hand, hold you gently, kiss you softly and tell you that they love you.

Words: 6900

Warnings: Hurt/comfort with a lot of hurt (!) in the beginning, aftermath of losing a parent (please please please don’t read if you fear that you might not be able to bear reading this!), reader celebrates Christmas, kind of spoilery if you haven’t read “Free Fall”

A/N: This was supposed to be a cute little spin-off of another Christmas story that spiralled completely out of control. 2023 was the third Christmas with this story living rent free in my mind and I was really determined to finally write and finish it this time before becoming really sick for two months. Even though it’s nearly Easter I hope that maybe one or two of you might still like it <3

As always, I apologize for not being a native speaker.

Christmas used to be Poe’s favourite time of the year.

There were presents, bright sparkling lights all over the city, the smell of freshly baked cookies, joyful songs on the radio, people being so much kinder than usual, chocolate glazed koyo berries and most importantly: both of his parents would be at home. Because Christmas was sacred.

Sure, presents were nice and everything, but sneaking into his parents’ bedroom before dawn on Christmas Morning, cuddling up to them under their warm blankets, lying safe and snug between them in a huge loving hug sandwich, knowing that for once there was no rush to get up and nothing to worry about because the day belonged to no one but their family?

There was nothing in Poe’s whole world that would ever be able to beat that.

Christmas was his favourite thing in the entire universe.

Even his very first memory was created on Christmas Eve. Shara and Kes would dance together at every possible (and impossible) opportunity they got, but that very first dance in the light of their Christmas tree on Christmas Eve was special.

It was as special to them as the song that had to accompany their dance: 'Let Me Take Your Hand' by Hera and the Rebels.

It was the song that had played on an old record player when they had met in an airplane hangar for the very first time. It had played when they had shared their first kiss, when Kes had proposed to his beloved Shara, when they had their first dance at their wedding, and when Shara had told Kes with happy tears in her eyes that they were going to be parents.

Music like a tender hug wrapping its loving arms around you, caressing your soul and soothing your heart, leaving you feeling like nothing in the world could ever hurt you.

Would you let me take your hand

And hold you gently

And kiss you softly

If I said I loved you

That Christmas Eve, as his parents began to sway in tune with the first few bars of the old forty-five crackling over the loud speakers, little Poe had no idea that he had just become part of a very long and love-filled Dameron Christmas tradition.

He was simply the happiest little boy, cuddled against his Dad’s chest, who held him gently yet safely close to his heart. With his Mom taking his hands in hers and making funny faces at him while singing along to the music, his eyes sparkled even brighter than the lights of the Christmas decorations around him.

As soon as the song was over, he wiggled his tiny feet and clapped his little hands in excitement, squealing giddily, “‘gain pwease!”

And his parents didn’t mind at all. With the record playing over and over again, they took turns kissing each other and placing the softest of kisses on their son’s forehead, cooing how much they loved him.

Poe couldn’t get enough of it.

On his eighth Christmas Eve, as Poe clung to Shara’s leg during their dance, he decided that part of him couldn’t wait to grow up and find his special someone to dance to their song. He vividly imagined how he would look at them the same way as Kes was looking at Shara.

Of course, his parents would still be there and enjoy dancing right next to him. He would do a show of being embarrassed when his Mom would try to ruffle his hair, because for some weird reason, grown-ups were supposed to hate it, even though he wouldn’t actually mind at all. And his Mom and Dad would love you nearly as much as he would and his parents would be so happy for their son to carry on their Christmas tradition.

If only he had known. If only he had known that this would be the very last Christmas with his Mom. Maybe he would have clung to her a little tighter, maybe he wouldn’t have nicked quite so many Christmas cookies, maybe he would have told her how much he loved her just one more time.

But then again, if he had known, it probably wouldn’t have been the most wonderful Christmas ever or the last time that he could remember his Dad looking truly happy before everything changed forever.

Only a year later it was hard to believe that any of those beautiful memories had been real at all.

Despite his insurmountable grief, Kes had tried his best to make this Christmas as magical for his son as it used to be. It was just that he had never quite gotten the hang of how Shara had always managed to make the Christmas tree and their apartment look so beautiful and festive and welcoming. And no matter how many Christmas lights he would string or how many candles he would light, it seemed like all their warmth and brightness had left when Shara did.

It was the night before their first Christmas without his Mom when Poe woke up to the most desperate stifled sobs coming from the living room. Full of worry, he stumbled out of bed and through the flat, the sinking feeling in his tummy growing heavier with each step of his bare feet on the ice cold floor tiles.

When he reached the door to the living room, the picture unfolding in front of him nearly tore is heart apart: The hunched over figure of his Dad lying under the Christmas tree, face hidden behind his hands, crying so violently his whole body was shaking.

Before even being able to form a single coherent thought, Poe had already crouched down on the floor right next to his Dad, trying to pull him into a hug – just like he knew his Mom would have done to comfort him.

His arms didn’t quite reach all the way around the package that his Dad had folded himself into but Poe tried to make up for it by pouring all the softness and warmth and tenderness from his big little heart into his words when he said, “I love you, Daddy! It’s gonna be okay!”

His Dad didn’t react. So Poe tried again, squeezing him even tighter this time but all it drew from Kes was another heart-wrenching sob.

But Poe wasn’t going to give up that easily. After all, just because his Mom wasn’t here with them in person, it didn’t mean that she didn’t celebrate Christmas with them. And if she was looking down at them from her cloud in Heaven among all the most beautiful angels in the universe (because there was no doubt for Poe, that’s exactly where his Mom would be), it would surely break her heart to see her two boys crying on Christmas Eve. And he couldn’t let his Mom down, could he? Not at Christmas.

And there was one thing left to try.

Hurrying over to the record player, he found what he was looking for exactly where his Mom had stored it away neatly last year. Ever so carefully, as if handling the most precious item in the world, he let the record slide out of its sleeve and placed it on the turntable. Slowly and gently, just like his Mom had taught him, he lowered the tone arm before turning back to his Dad.

With the first few soft sounds floating across the room, Kes finally raised his head, looking up to where his son stood, holding out his hand for his Dad. As he slowly got on his feet, Poe took a step towards him and tried his best to put on a brave smile, his eyes encouraging and full of hope.

Kes looked at his son. And he looked at the record player. Then he walked straight past his son and with a cry of agony that made Poe stumble backwards with a start, Kes tore the record off the turntable and threw it to the ground with enough force to break it into a thousand pieces. Yet they were nothing compared to the millions of pieces that little Poe’s heart shattered into at this very moment.

As his father stormed out of the room, Poe kept staring at the broken remnants of the last happy memory of his family. Trying to understand what on earth had just happened. What had he done wrong?

Maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the confusion, but he didn’t even notice how he began to shiver as the cold crawled up from the floor over his bare feet and under his thin pyjamas. Until he could no longer tell whether the numbness creeping into his heart and soul came from the cold or the growing ache in his chest. He had never felt more lost or lonely in his entire life.

For the briefest of moments, he wondered whether it would be possible to glue the pieces back together again. But as he knelt down and began to pick them up slowly, one by one, that last flicker of hope was extinguished quickly.

As he pondered over what to do, he spotted the stack of Christmas napkins that his Mom had bought last year, after Poe had insisted that the teddy bear pictured on them looked just like his beloved plushie Mr. Beebs. He had spent hours sitting right next to her, learning how to fold them into the most intricate shapes, just like his Mom had done, until he had declared excitedly that his Mom would never have to worry about folding a set of napkins for their guests ever again because now she had Poe to take care of that. Taking one of the napkins from the stack now, he could vividly remember the fondness in her eyes as her smile had outshone his proud little grin.

After spreading the napkin out on the floor, he piled the pieces of the record up onto it, carefully and gently, until even the tiniest of pieces had been accounted for. Looking around the room for something to tie the napkin bundle up with, his gaze fell upon Mr. Beebs sitting on the couch with his tiny bow tie around his neck. It didn’t seem right to take it, but Poe apologized to his teddy and promised that he would only borrow it for a little while.

Having the napkin tied neatly together, he got up off the floor, taking one last look at the Christmas tree. A source of warmth and comfort for as long as he could remember, its lights and decorations almost seemed like they were mocking him now. As his eyes began to wander along its branches, his gaze came to rest on the star at the top of the tree.

“I am sorry, Mommy,” he whispered.

As Poe held the napkin bundle gently against his heart, the tears began to fall. Unseen and in silence, yet hot and burning.

He was still clutching the little bundle to his chest when he found himself crying quietly in his bed a little later. He held it even tighter when he could hear the soft footsteps of his father approaching.

“Poe?” Kes’ voice was so gentle, it was barely audible to his son.

“Poey, sweetheart… I am sorry! I am… I am so so so sorry!”

Staring at the wall in front of him, Poe couldn’t see how his father’s tears over losing the love of his life had turned into tears over the fear of losing his son. He couldn’t see how his father reached out his hand towards him, only to hesitate at the very last moment, too afraid that he would just make things worse.

He couldn’t see how Kes longed for nothing more than to hug Poe close to his heart and never let him go again, desperate to find a way to comfort his son without subjecting him to his own soul crushing pain.

All he could see, over and over again, was that moment when his father walked right past him to smash their record to pieces.

His father didn’t want to take his hand.

Determined that he didn’t want Kes to see him cry, Poe pulled the covers over his head. And just like he had wrapped the napkin around the broken pieces of the record, Poe could feel something else wrapping itself around his heart. Not nearly as gentle and careful, but way harder and tighter and indefinitely more painful.

His father didn’t want to take his hand.

It was the last time that either of them acknowledged the song. It was the last time that music was played in the Dameron household.

And Poe never danced again.

Sometimes he would dream of it, though. Holding someone in his arms and swaying to the soft rhythm of a melody while waiting for Christmas cookies to bake in the oven or the first coffee of the day to finish brewing. But it never felt quite right. As soon as that longing ache would make itself known, he would shove it back to where it came from. Burying it a little deeper every time. After all, life was not a flipping Disney Christmas movie.

Yet there was a part of him that never stopped trying to find the song again. Even more so during that time of the year. Whether it was at the Christmas markets or at the shops, as soon as the softest sound of music could be heard anywhere, Poe would strain his ears hoping against hope to hear that comforting familiar tune just one more time.

Now and then he would hum the melody to himself, especially in those moments when he missed his Mom even worse than usual.

More than once he found himself sliding into a panic when he seemed to stumble over parts of the melody or he needed a little longer to remember some of the words. Every time that happened, he feared another piece of the memory of his Mom might slip away.

One night, after waking up in cold sweat again, he frantically scribbled down the lyrics onto the next best sheet of paper he could find as if they might be lost forever if he didn’t write them down this instant. After taking a few moments to catch his breath, he carefully folded the sheet and placed it into the little wooden box in his nightstand, which held the napkin bundle and the record sleeve.

Over the years, there were a few people that he tried to confide in but his attempts always ended up with him being made fun of. So he gave up those attempts too, burying his feelings deep under the growing pile of pain and ache and longing. They were obviously too silly to share them with anyone.

Not to you, though.

When Poe and you were about to spend your first Christmas together, it had been several years since he had bothered to put up any proper Christmas decorations at all. So when you asked him excitedly whether you could put them up together, he really did it more for you than for him.

Though he couldn’t deny that your enthusiasm was more than a little contagious. You turned the whole thing into a proper little event with Christmassy snacks and hot cocoa and festive music. After a while he found your joy so infectious that it made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Feelings that he hadn’t associated with Christmas for a long, long time.

He even sent both of you into a fit of giggles and laughter after somehow managing to completely wrap himself in tinsel rather than the Christmas tree.

And then you threw him completely off balance with one seemingly innocent little question: “So what’s your favourite Christmas tradition?”

Before he could tumble off the chair he was standing on, however, his instincts kicked in, making him fall back onto his standard go to answer: Chocolate glazed koyo berries. “My father had this really amazing way of turning them into the most delicious…” he began.

But it just felt wrong. Of course he loved his father’s chocolate koyo berries, he actually used to love them a lot. But there was something else. As he looked into your warm and loving eyes, something long forgotten tried to force its way up from the deepest pits of his heart. And try as he might, it refused to be pushed back down again this time.

Determined to keep it together, he turned away from you, biting his lips until they hurt. He was not going to cry. He was not going to ruin everything again.

“Poe? Hey… sweetie, your hands are shaking…”

Squeezing his eyes shut with enough force to give him a headache, he could hear the confusion in your voice turning into worry.

“Oh Poe, I am sorry, I should have known that this might bring back painful memories, I really shouldn’t have asked, I am so sorry…”

Trying to stifle the wave of sobs demanding to be let out, he shook his head vigorously, still refusing to look at you.

“No no no, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just… it’s silly!” he choked up.

You paused for a moment before saying gently, “It doesn’t look like it’s silly to you?”

He didn’t resist when you took his trembling hands in yours and helped him to climb down from the chair. Not letting go, you carefully held them steady in your hands, drawing soothing circles on them with your thumbs, as Poe kept staring at the floor.

“You don’t have to tell me now, if it’s too much,” you tried to reassure him.

“No, I want to, I just…” Grunting in frustration, he broke away and began to rub at his eyes with the palms of his hands with increasing force as if the motion would somehow be able to rub those pesky and unwelcome feelings away.

Carefully taking his hands into yours once more, you slowly led them away from his eyes. As you cupped his face with your hands, tenderly caressing over his temples with your thumbs, he finally looked at you, revealing his sore eyes glistening with tears and all the pain and grief that lay beneath.

It broke your heart.

You hesitated, as you had to fight your own tears welling up inside of you now before asking softly, “Is this about your Mom?”

Poe nodded ever so slightly.

Your voice turned even softer. “Does it have anything to do with the little box you keep in your night stand?”

Of course you had seen the way that he looked at that box. You had seen how he would rest his hand on that box, how his expression would turn from soft to pained and to soft again. Now and then he had even seemed to be humming a soft little melody while gently caressing over the lid of the box. Yet despite all of your questions, it had never felt right to ask him about it before he was ready to open up to you.

Closing his eyes again, Poe took a few shaky breaths. Letting his fingers wander up your arms, until they came to rest on your hands still holding his face, he tried to ground himself, focussing his attention on you. Your kindness, your gentleness, your warmth.

“Do you really want to know?” he finally managed to ask before his voice broke again.

“I do,” you said gingerly. “Of course I do. But… I wouldn’t want you to feel like you’d have to tell me anything that you aren’t ready to share yet.”

Nodding slowly, he furrowed his brow, deepening the pained expression on his face. An even more overwhelming wave of sadness radiated from his eyes, spreading over his already grief-stricken features. He tried to open and shut his mouth a few times before giving up and taking you by the hand to lead you into the bedroom.

You knelt down on the floor right next to him while he opened the drawer of his nightstand to remove the little wooden box and carefully opened the lid, revealing its contents to you. You saw the record sleeve and the lyric sheet and the napkin bundle tied together with the bowtie borrowed from Poe’s old childhood teddy Mr. Beebs.

Taking a deep breath, Poe took the bundle out of the box and placed it on the floor in front of you, unwrapping it ever so carefully.

He hadn’t opened it in decades. The moment that the napkin came undone around the broken pieces of the record, the tight layer of repressed feelings and ignored pain and buried grief wrapped around his heart fell away with it. Until there was nothing left to hold back the swelling flood of tears.

As soon as the first desperate sob ripped through his body so violently that it threatened to take his breath away, you were there. Catching him, holding him, comforting him, sheltering him.

And Poe cried like he had never cried before.

“It’s not fair! It’s not flipping fair, it’s not… she should be here… she should still be here… here with us…”

Everything seemed to bubble up to the surface at once. Pain and anger and confusion and helplessness.

“I wanted to hug him, I… I just really needed to hug him and… and I wanted to, but… but… but I was too small and… and… how could he just smash it?”

You were barely able to make any sense of all his memory fragments and turbulent emotions that were demanding attention all at once, but that wasn’t important right now.

“He came to apologize that night but I couldn’t… I couldn’t… I didn’t want him to see me cry and I… I… I should have…”

As you held him gently in your arms, he clung desperately to you, sobbing helplessly against your shoulder.

“I just… I… I failed them. Both…”

“Oh, Poe,” you whispered as you buried your face in his curls. And even though you knew that he wouldn’t be ready to believe you yet, you added gently but firmly, “You didn’t fail anybody!”

Smoothing some damp curls from his forehead, you pressed a tender kiss to the top of his head, when a new wave of tears began to stream down his face. Hot and desperate tears that had never been given a chance to dry, burning in his heart during all those years.

And now you were kissing them away. Softly. Every single one of them, even tough they were replaced by fresh ones immediately. Until sheer exhaustion made him collapse into your embrace.

As you cradled the back of his head, steadying him against your chest, rocking him gently back and forth, you knew that it wasn’t just your boyfriend crying in your arms. You held the wounded little boy, who couldn’t understand. Who blamed himself without even knowing what he had done wrong. Who hurt so deeply and yet would rather take care of everybody else around him before tending to his own wounds.

“I am here for you, Poe,” you cooed gently, hugging him tight. “I love you!”

And for the first time in decades, it felt like a few of the million shattered pieces of his heart were beginning to heal.

Unbeknownst to Poe, you made it your year’s goal to find the song for him.

The fact that Poe hadn’t been able to find it in all those years despite all his efforts, not even in the endless vastness of the internet, didn’t deter you in the slightest. Or so you thought. At least for the first eleven months of the year.

By the time December came around again, you were so close to admitting defeat that Poe began to worry about what brought you so low, even fearing that he might have been the one dampening your mood with his lack of Christmas spirit.

So, in an attempt to make up for that, he suggested taking you to the annual charity Christmas bazaar at your local school, hoping that a little Christmassy shopping spree for charity and the sparkly atmosphere of the Christmas lights might cheer you up again.

You tried not to get your hopes up, you really did. But the moment that Poe popped off to the restrooms and you found yourself stranded in front of a stall with several boxes of old forty-fives, you had to start browsing, of course.

Sorting swiftly through the records, you had gone through at least fifty of them, when your brain gave you a little jolt. You stopped. Going backwards very slowly, you looked at each of them again until you got back to the forty-second one. You carefully removed the record from the box. You read the title on the sleeve. You stared at it in disbelief. And you read it again. You shook your head. You read the title a third time. And despite your best attempts to stay calm, you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a little scream that made the elderly gentleman behind the display ask in concern whether you were all right. It took every ounce of self restraint you could muster to keep yourself from throwing your arms around him and hug him until he turned blue. In the end, you hugged him anyway.

After handing the stall owner enough money to prompt him to ask you again whether you were all right, you hid the record in your bag and quickly hurried past the next few stalls, hoping not to give anything away.

You still weren’t able to keep the shine out of your eyes, though. Which Poe noticed immediately the minute that he caught up with you.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked raising a confused eyebrow.

Letting out a happy sigh that you weren’t able to contain, you smiled, “I’m just really looking forward to Christmas!”

His gaze softened as he pulled you towards you, placing a tender kiss on top of your head. Gently rubbing your noses together, his smile grew wider until it painted crinkles around his eyes.

As he rested his forehead against yours, he whispered, “Me too!” And for the first time since what felt like forever, he actually meant it.

You spent the better part of the remainder of the run-up to Christmas trying to come up with the best possible plan to present the record to him. Should you simply hide it in a pile of other gifts in his stocking, should you make him close his eyes while you put the record on, should you wake him up with the music on Christmas Morning or maybe something completely different? In the end you decided that you would leave it up to Poe because the last thing you wanted was to overwhelm him in any way or even cause him more hurt.

When you found yourself cuddling with him on the couch on Christmas Eve, however, it became increasingly harder for you to remain patient until Christmas Morning.

Lying half atop on you, Poe had completely melted into your embrace, burying his face in the crook of your neck, while you played with his hair. The ease and trust with which he relaxed in your arms melted your heart. You were just about to turn your head and place a gentle kiss to his temple, when he lifted his head.

“Are you okay, bups?” He asked, raising a worried eyebrow at you.

“Hmmm?” you mumbled a little absentmindedly. “Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re as tense as a loaded spring about to go off. And I mean that in a very non-euphemistic, sfw way. Although…” he wriggled his eyebrows, looking way too cute with his tousled hair curling itself into every possible direction, “I wouldn’t mind adding some ‘n’ into the mix a little later…”

You couldn’t help breaking into giggles, which made Poe grin in return. “That’s better,” he smiled, placing a sweet little kiss to your forehead before furrowing his brow again. “Wanna tell me why you are so nervous?”

You really hadn’t intended to spoil this peaceful moment but you also knew that Poe wouldn’t stop worrying until he knew what was up. With a heavy sigh, you reluctantly tried to wriggle yourself free from underneath Poe to sit up, drawing some grunts of protest and a pout from him.

“I have a little surprise for you.”

Humming in a slightly more relaxed tone, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you towards him again.

“And can we stay on the couch for that or do we have to transfer to the bedroom?”

You snorted, “I’ve clearly given you the wrong idea now.”

With another smile, you brushed a few stray curls from his forehead and left a soft kiss in their place.

“You can stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Getting up to fetch your little present from the hiding place in the bedroom, you swiftly returned and set down next to Poe before giving it to him.

It took a few moments for Poe to realize what he was holding in his hands. As they began to tremble, he couldn’t help but keep staring at the record.

“How… where did you…” he whispered.

You gently laid your hands on his before explaining softly, “Actually… you kind of led me to it yourself when you took me to the Christmas bazaar three weeks ago.”

He let out a small shaky laugh that turned into a soft sob.

You immediately began to rub his back in soothing circles, leaving tender kisses all over the side of his face until he began to lean into you.

“Would you like me to play it?” you asked him gently.

He slowly peeled his gaze away from the record to look at you. As his big brown puppy dog eyes began to sparkle, he slowly nodded as if in a daze. He had gotten so used to hearing the song only in his memory, had both dreaded and hoped for this moment over and over again. As you put the record on and the song began to float across the room, it felt too surreal for him to grasp.

The music sounded even softer than you had imagined it. And so much more comforting than Poe remembered.

It sounded like the warmth of his Mom’s hand caressing his face and his parents’ laughter and tickle fights and the smell of his Mom’s baking and Kes scooping him up to carry him on his shoulders and morning cuddles and running towards his parents’ embrace. Both of them holding out their hands for him.

Just like you did now.

“Dance with me?” you asked him softly. Warm and open and welcoming while still giving him all the room that he might need.

Poe’s tears fell more slowly this time. As you laid your arms around him, pulling him towards you, swaying both of you to the soft rhythm of the music, he didn’t fight the soft and shaky sobs that turned another layer of destructive pain and grief into hopeful feelings of comfort and familiarity and home.

His head found his place leaning on your shoulder as your cheek came to rest against his. You held him gently and at the same time so close that there seemed to be no room left for anything that might hurt him. And yet your embrace was so soft that he knew he could trust you with his wounded bare heart in your hands.

As he wept in your arms, you kept caressing over his curls, leaving a trail of soft kisses along his hairline until his tears began to mix with your own. The moment Poe noticed the wet streaks running down your face, his eyes widened in alarm and he quickly reached up to wipe your tears away. But you gently laid your hands on his and shook your head with a sparkly-eyed smile.

“Don’t worry about those, Poe. Not all tears are bad.”

And Poe’s eyes that had been sparkling with tears of pain and sorrow slowly began to sparkle with something else.

It might not have been quite what he had imagined the first time to be like. Dancing to his parents’ song in the light of the Christmas tree with his own special someone.

Yet as his sobs subsided to the gentle rhythm of your soft kisses to his face and your hands tenderly smoothing over his hair, right now in this moment, he felt like the luckiest person in the universe.

Except for one thing.

When he let out an involuntary sigh, you pressed one more kiss to the top of his head before asking, “Why don’t you call him? Ask him to come over for Christmas?”

“Who?” Poe raised his head in mild confusion.

“Your father?” you smiled.

“How did…” Trailing off and letting out another sigh, Poe began to shake his head. “Me and my father stopped doing Christmas years ago. I don’t even have his number.”

“Well, funny thing…”

As Poe began to raise his eyebrows, you allowed yourself to break into a mischievous little grin, making him smile through his tears.

“I spoke to Auntie Leia the other day, and…” you began.

“…she had his number and gave it to you?” Poe finished your sentence in only mild disbelief.

“Of course she did,” you nodded and smiled again. “I don’t know how but it’s like she knew.”

Poe shook his head, unable to suppress a soft giggle. “She always does.”

You hesitated a little before you asked him, “Did you know that your father keeps asking after you whenever he meets her?”

Sobering up immediately, Poe lowered his gaze to the ground, furrowing his brow. “No, I… I didn’t…”

“Hey…” Cupping his face and gently guiding him to look at you again, you asked, “I can call him for you if you don’t feel up to it?” Your eyes softened before you added, “And no, Poe… I don’t think that would be ‘silly’.”

Poe let out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Could you do that for me…?”

So you did. And less than an hour later, Kes was standing at your door. His knock was so soft and cautious that you would have missed it, had you not been on your way to the kitchen at exactly that moment.

He was shivering from the cold as it looked like he hadn’t even bothered to take the time and find appropriate clothes for the freezing temperatures outside. Yet when you had introduced yourself and motioned quickly for him to come in and step into the warmth, he hesitated.

“Are you really sure that Poe wants to see me?” he asked full of doubt.

You gave him a reassuring smile. “Yes he does. Of course he does! We just didn’t expect you to be here so early.”

“Oh… if you want me to come back later…”

“No, no, please… come in! You must be freezing.”

As Kes stepped into the light of your flat, you could see the clear remnants of tears on his face that had been hastily wiped away. And your heart broke for him just as it had for his son.

Poe had spent the last half hour bent over your record player, carefully removing remnants of dust from the needle and the grooves of the record. Deeply focused on his work, he gave a little start when you entered the living room, announcing brightly, “Look who is here, sweetie.”

“Hello, Poe!”

Turning around, Poe let out a soft, “Hey…” before clearing his throat and saying more firmly, “I am glad that you came.”

“Really?!”

His father’s reaction threw him off for a few moments. Was he really so utterly convinced that Poe wouldn’t want to see him?

Kes had to swallow a few times as he began to fumble nervously with the handle of the bag he had brought with him.

“Oh… these are for you!” he finally said, producing a huge bag of chocolate koyo berries.

Poe gasped in surprise. “But… these take days to make, how did you…?”

The smile that spread across Kes’ face somehow made him look even sadder. “I still make them every year, just in case you might... Never mind, you probably don’t even like them anymore, I just thought…”

Taking a step towards Kes, Poe reassured him, “No, no, of course I still love them, that’s really thoughtful of you… Dad!”

For a brief moment, Poe’s gaze flickered over to you and you started the record player. It took only a few notes for Kes to recognize the melody and his eyes widened, displaying a myriad of emotions.

“I… I’ve been searching everywhere,” he whispered. “I thought that maybe if I could find it, if I could just… you might…” Kes’ voice broke and he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gain his composure.

When he opened them again, his son was standing right in front of him, offering his hand to his Dad. The look in his eyes was neither angry nor reproachful, but open and warm and encouraging with maybe a slightly pleading undertone. And it hit him full force just how much Poe reminded him of Shara in that moment.

Clasping a hand over his mouth, Kes let out a half-stifled shaky sob as his eyes began to glisten with tears. Taking a careful step towards his son, he took Poe’s hand into both of his. Placing the softest of kisses on his son’s hand, he gently held it against his chest right above his heart.

“Oh, Poey,” he whispered. “I am so... I am so…”

The moment his voice faltered again, Poe pulled his Dad into a hug. This drew a surprised little gasp from Kes before he threw his arms around his son, holding him closer than he had ever held him before. Like he was never going to let him go again. He knew that he might not be able to make up for lost time. But he could show Poe how much he meant to him right here and right now. Between violent sobs and desperate kisses to his temple and his cheek, Kes pulled his son close over and over again.

“Me, too!” Poe whispered through his own tears. “It’s okay, Dad… I love you!”

Maybe okay wasn’t exactly the right word. Maybe it was never really gonna be okay again. But as they both clung to each other, it certainly felt more okay than it had in a very long time. Maybe this could be the beginning of creating their new okay.

As his Dad’s desperate kisses slowly turned softer, he pulled back just enough to be able to gently cup his son’s face in his hands. “I love you, too, Poe. So so so damn much!”

You were just about to sneak out of the door to give them some room when Poe softly called out to you, “Hey… c’mere!”

They both invited you to join them with open arms. There may have been some feet casualties before the three of you found your rhythm but those were easily laughed away.

Christmas Eve turned into Christmas Day and Poe was still dancing. Safe and snug in a hug sandwich between the two people that he loved more than anything else in this world and who loved him just as much in return.

As Poe’s face once again found his familiar place in the crook of your neck, he mumbled, “I wish my Mom could have met you. I really wish that she could have been here with us just one more time.”

“I think she is, Poe!”

Instead of an answer, he let out a little sob against your shoulder, hugging both you and his Dad a little tighter, as Kes gently ruffled his hair.

And when Poe looked up again and his gaze came to rest on the star at the top of the Christmas tree, he could have sworn that it shone brighter than he could ever remember.

Sometimes life may cause you wounds that seem to hurt so deeply that all the time in the universe wouldn’t be able to heal them.

And sometimes… sometimes all you need to make the pain a little more bearable is someone to take your hand, hold you gently, kiss you softly and tell you that they love you.

Thank you for reading 💜

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x gn!reader #poe x reader #poe dameron fanfiction #star wars #fanfiction #reader insert #oscar isaac #kes dameron #shara bey #chrissie tries to write

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thefirstknife · 5 months

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Hi Bel,

I keep seeing comments about people complaining about the quality of destiny’s writing and story in the last few weeks. I haven’t really engaged with destiny since season of defiance, what’s currently gotten everyone so riled up? I thought that people were enjoying Season of the Deep/Witch in terms of narrative, why is Season of the Wish causing people to deride the destiny writing staff again?

I don't know!

Deep and Witch have been absolute bangers in every aspect to me. I've been enjoying all interactions and lore tabs we've received. A lot of them are stuff that we've never had before, a lot of reunions and closures, a lot of development and interactions between characters who you wouldn't really think would have much in common.

Sloane's return and healing from what she's been through has been fantastic, Drifter opening up with her to help her because he also got help from others was fantastic, Sloane reuniting with Aisha and Shayura brought me to tears (Shayura's descent into madness was triggered by immense trauma of Sloane staying on Titan and Titan disappearing), everything with Sloane and Zavala...

Witch was just incredible in every single way; the focus on Eris, the amount of Eris and Ikora content!!!!! Everything about Xivu and Savathun and their interactions together!! Eris finally fulfilling her goal she promised Savathun YEARS ago, getting that closure.

Wish so far has been equally great to me. All the new stuff about Ahamkara is amazing, finally giving us proof for long-standing speculation about Ahamkara and how they aren't universally evil creatures and expanding on them as a species. I love all interactions we've had so far; finally we have Petra back, Mara's singleminded focus on figuring out how to defeat the Witness and her continuous work to improve as a person, ALL SJUR MENTIONS!!!!! I won't talk about the "leak" because we have no context for it so I will wait for the full story to be revealed before I can pass judgment; something that I think should be a lesson to learn from this entire year. Maybe wait for the story to finish before judging the story.

Literally everything this past year that involves Osiris, but especially this season now that he's back in his element with the Vex. And of course every little detail we get of him and Saint. Osiris honestly shaped this year for me with everything that he's done to uncover the biggest mysteries. I think a big reason is that a lot of people just don't like Osiris, which I consider a massive skill issue.

Other than that, I don't know what are the issues people have besides just not being interested in any of these storylines and attributing it to a nebulous "bad writing" claim. I also genuinely believe that way too many people get wrapped up too much in fandom, imagine storylines they want to see and then get disappointed when the actual story doesn't go there. Almost like people forget that this isn't their story and these aren't their characters. A lot of it is also fandom completely warping characters into not what they actually are and then feeling like the canon story is the one that's wrong.

Whatever is the reason, I guess everyone is entitled to their perspective of the story and everyone is free to explore the story in different ways through fanfics and AUs and whatever. I do that too!

But I would definitely ask people to be normal with how they engage in criticism, especially in the current state of affairs. Writers are developers; they experience a ton of harassment and negativity from the community and also from inside the company. And they are online: they can see what we're saying. It's been documented that community commentary has been used to harass writers:

Imprint this into your brain and never forget what these people had to go through. Let's not forget also the way people treated Seth Dickinson on social media when he was active with Destiny fans. "Fans" were actively arguing with him about his own work (telling him that HE is wrong) and were utterly disgusting towards him when he tried explaining what he wrote. His works are now hailed as the best writing in Destiny and people want him back. If I were him, I wouldn't want to come back ngl, not with how he was treated and not with how fans are still treating writers (and hey, Seth wrote LF Collector's Edition! So he was back, technically, this year!). Let's not forget that a lot of writers are members of various marginalised groups. And I'd definitely not want to go back with zero support from leadership.

Which is also an important aspect for all developers, including writers: sometimes they have orders they may not like, but can't argue against. They do the best they can with what they're given, the time they have and directions they receive. And with that in mind, I am enjoying everything we've gotten this year, obviously with some specific complaints about things I didn't particularly enjoy (like the universally mid reception of Defiance; I've spoken about my gripes with it before, a big one being the shafting of Suraya who should've at least been mentioned in a lore tab).

I can tell that there is passion in their work, even if maybe they would prefer to do more with it, but can't. Maybe even if they want to take different routes, but can't. But from what we got, I can feel that they care about this world and these characters. I can tell that someone lovingly wrote about Sloane and her friendships with two grieving women. I can tell that they deeply cared about Sloane's friendship with Zavala and that they loved showing us Saint and Drifter caring about a fellow trauma survivor.

I can tell that the writers are immensely careful and loving towards Eris; everything she went through was crafted with love and passion from both writers and her VA. Eris' story is such a fundamental aspect of Destiny and I can tell that this was important to the writing team and that they gave her everything they could to do justice to her character and her arc and her healing and her release from the cycle she was trapped in for so long.

I can tell that there are writers who care a lot about Osiris and Saint and their relationship. I can tell that someone cared a lot about expanding on Ahamkara and giving them more personalities. I can tell that someone cared DEEPLY about Sjur and Mara and that her repeated mentions are the passionate work of writers who want us to remember her.

I could go on. And I know that not everyone sees it this way, which is fine; we all have different ways of perceiving stories. I enjoy discussing things we in the fandom disagree on and I enjoy hearing different perspectives! Unfortunately, this has recently become rarer and rarer. And for the love of god, please try and treat writers with some respect, especially now, especially those who are still working and doing their best with the shitty situation they're in. None of the cries of "poor devs" ring true to me unless the same is given to writers, instead of treating them like punching bags.

#destiny 2 #long post #for the record: yeah i also have some gripes with some writing decisions. it's normal #but i feel like those are things that i can learn to accept or let go or even have my mind changed with a different perspective #or by just accepting that the writing team was limited in some way and that this was the best they could do #it happens to every story at some point #and yeah capitalism is the death of art. destiny's story would be better from start to finish if it weren't a shooter mmo #but that ship has sailed a long time ago. like. in 2014.#it's honestly a miracle that we got even a fraction of the stuff we got considering the target audience of fps mmos #and it's fine if this just isn't good enough to some. happens #but i think we can move on without being shitty about devs yeah?#in all likelihood writers may even agree that some of the stuff they had to write isn't the best or isn't what they wanted #calling them bad writers over circumstances we don't understand is just shitty #just like it's shitty to do it to any other dev over bugs in the game or badly implemented features or whatever #none of these people are sitting at their desks maliciously laughing while deliberately creating 'bad' things #and this is especially bothering me for writers because of how atrocious people are to artists of all kinds #almost like writers had to strike this year to be respected and treated as people that matter

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writing-for-life · 1 month

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN DREAM'S HAIR USED TO BE WHITE!! oh my god. i just saw your post about killala and i have now perished. thanks for breaking my heart.

but also hi!! i'm relatively new to the fandom and it's a great place to be. i haven't finished reading all the comics yet but i'm curious to know:

what do you think are the main differences between TV!Dream and Comics!Dream? i've heard so many people claiming that he is incapable of changing, for instance, and though the show does convey his overall rigidity pretty well, i'm not getting the vibe that he's immutable.

also!! it's clear that he feels a lot. which is always funny to me when the corinthian is like yo, try this and maybe you'll feel something for a change but like. he does!!! or i get the impression that he does. he probably feels too much if anything?? all of it simmering just beneath the surface, barely contained. how would you personally analyze his relationship with his own emotions?

i hope all of this is coherent enough for you to answer lmao, i saw your post about enjoying being asked sandman questions two seconds after i woke up and barged into your inbox. hope you have a lovely day!

Thanks so much for the ask, and welcome if you’re new(ish) to the fandom! 🤗

I’m sorry I broke your heart—much more heartbreak to come I fear if you haven’t read the comics yet, so I’ll try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible.

I am one of those people who believes the differences between comics!Dream and show!Dream are actually not as big as they are made out to be where it matters, and you will definitely find people who disagree. At the end of the day, we all read it through our own lens and will never be fully objective about it.

The main difference I see is that they filed off the rough edges of the comics a bit to make a new audience sympathise more. It’s very hard to do that with a character who is basically in full arsehole mode for most of the first 40 issues or so, and even then only slowly begins to come out of it (although we can obviously see glimmers of what lies below the surface at the beginning of the comics, too, but it’s far more subtle than in the show). I’ve worked in musical theatre for a over decade of my life and understand a bit about bringing the written word to stage/screen, and some things simply don’t translate well from book to stage/screen, and you have to change it. So my personal opinion is we get a more sympathetic Morpheus and certain changes so the audience can do exactly that—sympathise off the bat. You will lose an audience pretty quickly if they don’t care about the protagonist and the universe he moves in, and you can’t be as nuanced about it as you can be in a written work. We’re talking about streaming services thinking about profits here, even if people don’t want to hear it.

Also: The more you sympathise with a character, the deeper the emotional investment and the more you feel, even if it hurts.

Having said this, I don’t think Morpheus is incapable of change, and I never got where that idea comes from. His biggest flaw is that he believes he cannot change (and even he has moments when he admits he might have). In the introduction to Endless Nights, Neil Gaiman says that he was once asked to describe The Sandman in twenty-five words or less, and famously, it was this (you might have heard it):

“The Lord of Dreams learns that one must change or die, and makes his decision.”

And I think some people might have wrongly taken that for an either/or thing. I don’t want to say too much at this point because I don’t know how much you know (if you’d like spoilers or already know how it ends, let me know, I’ll happily expand on it). Only so much:

He is capable of change, also in the comics. Very obviously so. But just like he denies he has his own story (which also isn’t true), he denies he can change. Or at least he thinks he perhaps cannot change enough (it’s actually hard to write about this without giving everything away, help! 🙈).

As for his feelings: He does feel, but again, it is something he pushes down and will deny himself. Until it bursts to the surface and breaks through, and when that happens, it’s usually with, well, let’s say varying results, and that’s putting it mildly. Personally, I’d say he has problems relating to his feelings, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel. Quite the opposite in my view. He holds the collective unconscious—all unprocessed feelings and whatever else floats around in that collective mess, and it’s exactly what he says to the Corinthian in that famous scene: he needs to keep a lid on it and keep that lid firmly closed so all of it doesn’t consume him. But that also means denying himself the feelings that are linked to his own personhood (if you want to call it that). There’s Dream of the Endless, and then there’s Morpheus. And while they’re one and the same and inseparable, Morpheus is also the “point of view”. The character, the person, if you will. And deep down, he craves that personhood so badly. Out of all the Endless, he is the only one who basically collects names because they mean having something beyond his function, which is also mirrored in what he tells Death in “The Sound of her Wings”: he wants something more. He is the only one whose realm is populated with sentient beings (yes, I know Despair has rats, but I think you get my drift). He is desperately lonely and struggles with it. He seeks connection yet denies it to himself. That’s not someone who doesn’t feel.

I don’t know if this answers your questions at all—I was doing the wild “spoiler-free” dance 🤣 But please let me know if you want me to go a bit deeper, I love talking about this stuff.

You can also have a look at my metas if you haven’t already. The headers pretty much explain what they’re about and what spoiler-level to expect, but none of them are truly spoiler-free I guess:

Again, thanks so much for encroaching on my inbox, and feel free to follow up if anything was left unanswered.

@dreamaturgy ask answered

#the sandman #sandman #dream of the endless #morpheus #sandman meta #ask answered #send asks #sandman analysis #sandman character analysis #sandman comics #the sandman netflix

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sunflowerromcom · 8 months

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Hiya! I adore all of your fics and i just wanted to go on ao3 to keep reading but all your works are gone? I just hope everything is fine and you're doing okay? If you decided to delete everything by choice i support that but just know that your fics will be dearly missed. Sending some love to you 🧡

Hi! So, yes, I did delete my ao3 account for good this time.

While I haven’t had much of a presence on social media, the times that I do, I still get comments about being a “ship jumper” and “how dare I write for them”that when I go to write, I get so much overwhelming anxiety that I will close out the doc before I even type anything out. And the thought of posting more just to get more comments about why I should be in this fandom anymore isn’t something my mental health needs at the moment and it’s frankly not something I’m going to put myself through anymore just to prove they aren’t getting to me, when in reality they are and they have.

As much as I love and adore these characters and the stories I made for them, at the end of the day even though I have so many wonderful people who follow and love them too, I really want to be able to write again. I put a lot of thought into it and decided maybe writing just for me is the answer. Maybe even turning them into original stories and publishing them, idk.

But if there are people interested to read Suddenly or Summer when they’re finished, I would absolutely post a sign up later to share the doc or something like that, but right now, I don’t see myself posting them online again.

Gosh, sorry, that was awfully long. I just figured I get it all out in case someone else got curious. I do appreciate you. I’m sorry I took them down, again. I’m sorry to anyone else that might miss them. I’m so grateful that you loved them. 💛

#ted lasso #Tedbecca #fanfic #sunflowerromcom #writing woes #im sorry

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sitp-recs · 1 year

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Eager for the Sky by @oknowkiss

Harry/Draco, minor Harry/Ron and Draco/Blaise (2022, Mature, 35k)

It was announced, just as the Triwizard Tournament had been, at the start of term feast. A year-long, international Quidditch varsity match — the inaugural Wizarding Academy Cup. In which Harry is Hogwarts' star Seeker, Draco is on the bench, and they both have a thing or two to learn about playing for the same team.

Draco hated that, the way Potter would sneak up on him, proving he’d been listening. He had always seemed to be caught up in his own head, never paying attention to anything or anyone but himself, but now that Draco was starting to know him, he was beginning to see the truth of Potter.

When I started this blog over two years ago, I’d write (smaller, but still) recs for every fic I liked. At some point I was reccing up to 3 fics a day and started bookmarking them all to keep track of my own recs - maybe that’s why I got more than 600 bookmarks lol - and it was really fun and fulfilling, but it also demanded A LOT of time and energy. As they both became scarce, I changed strategies and decided to only rec fics that touched me in a more personal way. These days I write recs mostly on a whim; it happens less and less because I’m not reading as much, sure, but also because it needs to be a frantic urge, almost like a trance, and it needs to hit me right after I’m finished a fic otherwise it won’t be fresh in my mind.

I’ve wanted to rec something from E for so long and after being left intrigued and impressed by any day now and licence to kill (two solid recs if you haven’t read those yet!) I couldn’t see what was holding me back. Now I ask myself if I had been waiting for Eager for the Sky. And not necessarily because it’s the perfect fit for my tastes - in fact, I barely read or care for 8th year fics nowadays - but because this fic found me at the moment I needed it the most. Coming back from a brief hiatus (that felt longer than life itself) right before Christmas last year, I can say that reading this was a refreshing and lovely experience, but also magical in many ways. And funnily enough, this rec has been sitting in my drafts, half-finished, since January. Once again, something I couldn’t figure out was holding me back until I saw this gorgeous binding post by @a-gay-old-time (go check it right now!!) and I accidentally found out that last week was E’s one year fandomversary! Perfect timing to wrap this up and post it as a humble homage to one of the authors whose talent I’ve enjoyed and admired the most in the past year. What a gift to have you in this fandom, and what a privilege to read this incredible 8th year romance!

Way beyond the delight of watching Draco and Harry fall in love over the course of a (very cool and inventive) Quidditch championship, I was so touched by the amount of tenderness, youth and heart this story coveys. There is something unbearably sweet about an enemies to friends to lovers journey that explores the wonders of being young and free to flirt, experience and discover. I could feel the joy of falling in love all over again through every line here, through every knowing smile and surreptitious touch. The slow burn is masterfully done in a way that never feels empty, boring or dragged. Every little moment brings new discoveries about each other and is important to bring them together as friends, and then as lovers.

It’s worth mentioning that there’s a fair amount of longing, UST and some infuriating delicious cockblocking but somehow the way it’s written and the context it’s given make the experience even sweeter and more rewarding. I was in no rush to see this over and found it very charming that they saw value in wanting, teasing, flirting, chasing. Because I really ready young Drarry I had almost forgotten how fun a pining Draco can be in all his teenage complexity, capable of signaling confidence, vulnerability, inadequacy and tenderness all at once.

His emotions felt so very real I could feel a lump in my throat, and I was especially moved by his genuine response to Harry’s prior involvement with Ron (Be still my Rarry heart!!! For those wondering: this is a minor but significant plot point that made my heart ache and grow twice its size, I’m so soft for this brOTP! By the way - side Rarry & Blaco? A fic after my own heart!). Even more brilliant is the fact that E published Eager for the Sky and July Tree pretty much back to back and these two fantastic 8th year tales complement each other perfectly. They got a very different tone from her usual edgy “mature Drarry” which I also love - and maybe that’s why I was caught off guard by how fast I felt emotionally connected to this softer, more innocent brand of love. Not to mention that superb art by @upthehillart - killing me softly as per usual, with the ultimate teenage Drarry headcanon what a treat!!

This fic was exactly what I needed and it gave me the delicious catharsis I was looking for without really knowing. It pulled me back into the fandom with its light, easy, unpretentious young romance, sprinkled with some excellent dialogue and charming banter that will make you laugh out loud at their sass, plus a sweet and delightful mix of curious, inexperienced but extremely insightful and lovable characters. I’m so happy I found this fic and that I got to write a rec for it! Thank you E for sharing this beauty and so many other fantastic stories with us - I’m delighted to share this space with you and can’t wait to see what comes next 💜

Read on AO3

#drarry fic rec #happy belated fandomversary E! 🎉

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mrsbsmooth · 28 days

Text

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag @rebelrayne! @longbobmckenzie tagged me in the body of hers too so I’ll take it.

How many works do you have on ao3?

82 right now, but I’ve orphaned a few recently

What’s your total ao3 word count?

1,220,982. I’ve got about another 30-40k words in WIP documents right now, so almost one-amd-a-quarter million words 😨

What fandoms do you write for?

Love Island the Game, Too Hot to Handle game, Harry Potter (Dramione exclusive), Romance Club (Heaven’s Secret)

Top five fics by Kudos

Tell Me What You Want (HP)

This Time, I’m Serious

Jaded

Unhealthy

Kinktober 2022

TIL that my Harry Potter fic has overtaken TTIS even though TTIS has more hits.

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! There were a few on TTIS I missed that it would be awkward to reply to because it was so long ago, but I make a point of trying to reply to every comment.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The only sad ending I’ve ever written was the first chapter of Jaded which was originally done as a oneshot.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Welcome To Racers. They got the whole shebang. Love me a happily ever after.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not recently. I’ve had hate for my portrayals of Alex, Lucas, and Suresh. But I haven’t had any nasty anon comments in ages which is lovely.

Do you write smut?

Yeah it's kinda my thing.

Craziest crossover:

I don’t know if I’ve done many crossovers… maybe Bruno and Miri Make a Porno or All I Want for Christmas is You which is a hetero take on Red White and Royal blue?

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I think I would probably die of happiness.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I HAVE! All’s Fair in Casa Amor was written with my beautiful friends @i-boop-you and @crimswnred !!!!!!

All time favourite ship?

Dramione (new fave) but for LITG? Hard question because our fandom is so built around an MC. But with two canon characters? I secretly love a Bruno/Valentina. Also love Hope/Lucas. They just WORK.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It’s gotta be Recovery. I have the whole thing planned in my head but I just have no motivation to write it at all. Other than that, I don’t see myself finishing Famous Last Words any time soon. If I was going to finish it I’d take it down and rewrite it to make it fully OF.

What are your writing strengths?

Smut probably, I’m not bad at it. I feel like my narrative pacing is alright, and my prose is decent despite it being really inconsistent.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I rely too much on dialogue. I miss all the little body language bits leading up to an important line that could take it from an ‘aww that’s sad’ to a ‘holy fuck I’m sobbing’. Luckily I have wonderful beta’s who help me with this.

But more than anything, characterisation. Forming a fully fleshed out character before I start the story. I struggle with it. I’ve always felt like I’m more of a storyteller, (a plot person) more than a deep dive into a character’s psyche kind of person. I love reading character driven stories though, but I think it’s something that comes with writing experience. I haven’t actually been writing for that long and I think I’m getting better at it, but it’s still a weak point.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I sometimes forget that people don’t like this. I LOVE it. I do try and use it sparingly though. It’s so nice to see a character conversing with someone in their native language. I try and put the English dialogue in brackets or italics unless it's rather clear what they're saying (like swearing).

First fandom you wrote in?

LITG

Favourite fic you've written?

I, like Sarah, absolutely hate this question. My fics are my children. I like some of them more than others, though (I never claimed to be the world's best mother). But I love them for different reasons.

I love Welcome to Racers because it was my first AU. I loved The Only Two Things because I got to create an entire world, an entire city for my characters (Yes I'm aware Waterford, Ireland is a real place but God, I loved that story so much). TT,IS was the first fic I started and it gave me the friends I have today and the amount of people who tell me it's S4 canon just makes my whole life. Jaded was something different. It was a challenge to myself and I'm so proud of it. Unhealthy has been the most difficult to write, but it's also pushed me the hardest in my development of characters. FLW has been so much fun because I get to dive back into my music roots, urghhhhhh. Love.

I don't care if it's narcissistic. I re-read my fics on a regular basis. They're perfectly tailored to my taste. I love doing a nice re-read and sprinkling in a few extra details with liberal use of the edit button. If there was someone who knew my fics as well as I did, they'd get something a little bit different on every read. Might just be a line or two, might be a thought or a reaction, but I love to add and tweak and tinker with them all.

Love.

tagging: @i-boop-you @crimswnred @ellegreenwxy @tammyisobsessedwith @operationnope @sparxaf @eskiix

#mbs tag game

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raina-at · 6 months

Text

Fic writer 20 Questions

Thanks for the tag, @khorazir!

How many works do you have on AO3?

29 fics, three J2 RPS, 1 Supernatural, the rest is Sherlock.

What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

490,267 (though I have to add that a lot of my old fics aren’t on AO3, my overall word count must be well over a million.)

What fandoms do you write for?

In the past, Star Wars, Supernatural, Harry Potter, RPS. Right now it’s Sherlock, and has been for a while. And I don’t see that changing any time soon.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Bakers with Benefits

Don’t Read the Last Page

Running Obliquely

Take Two

All I Want for Christmas (is Proof)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always respond to comments, or at least I try my best to. It’s only polite, people took time to give me feedback, the least I can do is to thank them for their time.

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t do angsty endings, my fics all end happily ;-)

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hm. Well. All my fics end on a happy note, but for me, it’s probably Spare Parts because that happy ending was the one I felt was the hardest won. But I do have a soft spot for the last chapter of Bakers with Benefits, because that was also a long road, both for Sherlock and for me.

Do you get hate on fics?

Hasn’t happened so far. Granted, I only posted one of my many, many Wincest stories, so maybe if I had more of them on AO3, but as it stands, I never got hate on one of my fics, and I hope it stays this way. The odd rude comment, but no hate.

Do you write smut?

Yup. But not a lot of it. I find the older I get the less smut I write, probably because it’s starting to feel repetitive. Which is funny, because I’ve written hundreds of love confessions and I never get tired of those.

Do you write crossovers?

Not yet. If the inspiration strikes, I might yet write one, but so far I haven’t.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of. I’m not on Wattpad and the likes, so there might be some stolen copies of my works out there, but who knows. Someone once told me about this person who plagiarized one of my J2 fics and re-wrote it as a Degrassi het fic, but the person had already deleted their account, so I couldn’t verify it. That was… bizarre.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several. Speak Now was translated into Spanish, Bakers with Benefits into French and Without Complexities or Pride into Russian.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

My darling wife @nuttersinc and I co-wrote thousands of words of fic. We hosted fests and LJ communities, ran an online RPG together and co-wrote a huge fic series that we abandoned when we both fell out of that fandom at the same time. We haven’t been in the same fandom since back in our Supernatural days, but we did just about everything fandom spouses can do together except host a podcast ;-)

14 . What’s your all time favourite ship?

I mean… Johnlock just has The Dynamic down to a science. You can do so much with them. You can do anything. They’re so wonderfully perfect for each other in all their fucked-up, flawed, deeply human glory. But having said that, I have a weak spot deep in my heart for Mulder and Scully, because they were so important to me as a teenager, and they led me to fandom and fanfic. They’re the first ship that truly owned my soul. So a part of my heart will always belong to them.

(They also led me to my second favourite het ship of all time, Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane, because Mulder compared himself and Scully to Peter and Harriet in one of my favourite fics, so of course I had to go read the books, and man, that’s a Dynamic, right there. Two whip-smart, emotionally extremely vulnerable people both desperately wanting and being deadly scared of true intimacy. I eat that up with a spoon. Also love the ‘man totally besotted with the smart, independent woman cutting his ego down to size’ dynamic.)

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh, so MANY. I never post WIPS because I want to feel free to abandon stories whenever, so I’m the only one haunted by my WIP folder, but there’s a few in there I would really like to come back to one of these days. But never say never, the first three pages of Nothing Gold Can Stay sat in there for MONTHS, gestating. You never know.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can only say what I enjoy writing, I hope that joy translates itself to the page. I love writing dialogue and I think I’m pretty good at it. I think I’m good at pacing, and I think I’m good at making people Feel Things.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I sometimes lose patience with plot. Because I mostly use plot as a means for character development, I sometimes lose patience with my own plots. That mostly happens in the fics I don’t finish, and it’s mostly the reason I don’t finish the fic. I’m also not especially good at handling large casts of characters, many of my fics have very few characters.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Honestly, it hasn’t come up yet. I would only do it in German, because that’s my native language, otherwise I’d be too worried to get it wrong. I don’t generally like it when conversations aren’t translated. Othewise I have no strong feelings about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Wrote? X-Files. Posted? Roswell.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Oh, that’s hard. The ones I loved writing the most are probably Take Two and my J2 highschool AU. I wrote both very quickly in a sort of fugue state, and it just feels amazing when that happens. The one I enjoy re-visiting the most? Bakers with Benefits.

Tagging @keirgreeneyes @jrow @discordantwords @thetimemoves and anyone else who wants to do this.

#bbc sherlock #my fic #writing #20 fic writer questions #this is fun

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1lostsoul0fishbowl · 7 months

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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by the absolutely lovely @staceymcgillicuddy and my wondrous darling @pearlypairings - thank you both! 🥰

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

15, 13 of which are complete and the last two very nearly finished. 😭

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

365,528 and counting. I’m a rambler!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Stranger Things… nothing else has grabbed my attention quite the way s4 did.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With a Little Help From My Friends (my ultra-long found family fic)

Why Should I Cry For You (that one surprised me, it came from way behind!)

Not-so-iron Maiden (Eddie & Max sibling supremacy)

Tattoos and Trash Talk (Eddie and El bonding)

the shield and the shepherd (my very first fic! Eddie and Chrissy falling in love without Vecna in the way)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I’m absolutely tickled every time somebody likes something I wrote enough that they take the time to leave me a comment about it. I’ve even made a few friends that way!

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Into the Shining Sun? Even then, it’s angst with a very hopeful note to it. There’s enough angst in my real life; I like everything in my fics to turn out okay.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

So far, With a Little Help, because it ended with Eddie and Chrissy’s wedding!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, I haven’t. I honestly think it will break my heart if it ever happens. I stumbled completely by accident across a post here on tumblr hating on GreatMage and I literally cried about that for two days. (Shameful!)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope, I live firmly in the fluff zone. All of my fics are rated a very mild T.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Haven’t tried one yet, but maybe someday, if I can think of a good idea!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. How would I even know that? 🤔

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but @pearlypairings and I have kicked around a few fun ideas and someday we are going to make Clarkelley happen!

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

This is a nearly impossible question.

15. What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I’ve only got two WIPs and they’re both almost done, so— none!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Omg, I don’t even know, honestly. Umm… I guess building friendships and relationships between characters?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Anything outside of my comfort zone. I have a tiny little box I tend to stay in, and refuse to even try branching out.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

With the help of Google Translate, I’ve scattered some bits of Welsh dialogue here and there throughout Next Time I Fall. Apparently I got most of it wrong. So I don’t think I’ll try any other languages unless I’m actually familiar with them!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably X-Files? And then there was that random embarrassing NSYNC stuff… we won’t talk about that. Those were all just scribbled in old journals, though. I never actually posted anything publicly until I found Ao3 last year.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I think each one is my favorite while I’m working on it! But I think I have to say Next Time I Fall, because the response to it was so much more than I expected, and people’s engagement with and investment in the story has given me so much joy.

Randomly tagging @tnmdfhgkg @saltyseagoat83 @sokkas-first-fangirl

and for anyone else who sees this and feels like sharing, 🫵 *boop* I tag you!

#stranger things fanfiction #ao3 writer #hellcheer #greatmage #fluffy fic #losty writes

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the-metal-pixie · 2 months

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Well, this is me (This got kinda long mb 😭)

Rlly edgy cringe zombie metal fairy sona

Call me pixie, pixette or… I guess spacechild too?

She/her, gay girl, minor, yada yada

Anyways, sometimes I draw for fun and I’m sorta kinda good at it

Glad to be here, lots more fanart coming soon, I’m really grateful for everyone who’s been supporting me <3

I got a lot of really sweet and fun responses bfdsfghitrtgyhcu I don’t deserve this 🫶🫶🫶🫶

Never been in tumblr before so I’m still getting used to this

(No way I’m finishing this drawing- lazy)

Fun(?) facts yay

- I play guitar and violin

- My favorite metal genres are Thrash, power, neoclassical, glam, and recently started listening to death metal

- I have a pretty broad music taste, I have a soft spot for popular, pop if you will, music from the 1920s to 2000s

- I usually dress like I’m allergic to colors but sometimes I need to look like the girliest girl’s girl that ever girled in the world

- I like to pretend I’m this really hardcore stereotypical teen but I couldn’t hurt a fly if I wanted to (being fr rn, it would probably beat me up first)

- I discovered KISS during mid-pandemic but haven’t interacted much with the fandom until beginning of last year (when I started doing fanart). Read my first kiss fanfic at my worst new year all-nighter and haven’t recovered since

- I feel kinda bad for reading/making gay content when I’m not even attracted to men

- When I like something, I try to learn and remember as much as I can about it (I have great memory for these things but horrible for everything else, somehow not failing school)

- Speaking of, here’s some stuff I like (aka things I devote my time and energy to consume and can’t shut up about): Michael Jackson, KISS, the actual fking titanic, Sanrio (DONT LEAVE I promise I’m not one of THOSE people), internet horror, girly things, lost media, old Barbie movies, 2010s YouTube, Monster High g1, attractive women

- RANDOM TANGENT! List of attractive women I find attractive (no particular order except for the first one):

<<WINONA RYDER>>

Joann Jett

Natasha Lyonne

Amy Lee

Hayley Williams

Kristen Stewart

Cyndi Lauper

80s Xuxa

Ann and Nancy Wilson

Ace Frehley

- Favorite movies (Actually in order):

Titanic

But I’m a Cheerleader

Rocky (1976)

Grease (1978)

Wizard of Oz

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

- Ace made me want to pick up a guitar, wow, big deal, so original

- I legit thought he was a girl when I first saw him without makeup (There’s no way I was the only one, or maybe I’m just dumb)

Spacechild lore + Fanfic related stuff at the very end

I talked briefly about this on the previous post, but I have this story on the Spaceman and Starchild that I plan around while I’m sleeping (I don’t have anywhere to write it down but still remember all of it) can’t really explain how my brain works BUUT what I can do is tell you the story!

Since I can’t write, feel free to borrow or steal any of my ideas since I’m probably never using them (unless I decide to make an illustrated novel/webcomic or something, but don’t expect anything from me)

Starchild is a lonely alien living in what’s left of the only planet that used to orbit him before he became a Star being (basically a living star going boom supernova and transforming into a humanoid). His only “company” is a woman who visits him in his dream, to whom he refers to as The Elder (It’s kinda like a parent child relationship, she’s the star that “gave birth” to him, get it? Star-child? I’m really smart, I know). He can see the future but since nothing ever happens to him, there’s nothing to predict… UNTIL

He has a dream about laying down on a dark, grassy field staring up at the sky, as he usually did, but this time, the stars that were always so far away, appeared to be curiously looking back at him, eager to know what was going to happen. Among them, there was a bigger, brighter blue light that appeared to be coming towards him. Scared, he tried to reach out to the elder, but she didn’t answer, right before the light got to him, he woke up

After waking up, Starchild just brushed it off as a strange dream and decided to take a walk. He eventually found himself sitting on a familiar looking field, he looked up, but everything seemed normal except for an unusual light out in the distance who appeared to be getting closer. Is it a shooting star? Is it a spaceship? Is it a… COMET?

It crashed right beside him, and when he opened his eyes, there it was. A frozen ice rock sitting right beside him, but when he looked up at it, there was something, someone sitting on top of it

A strange man looked back at him with a smile

There’s more but It’s not completely set in stone, I just know I want Spaceman to take Starchild to see earth and have fun adventures with him + Catman and Fox

They were really close friends that like to travel together, then one day they got turned into animals by an ankh wizard while visiting Egypt (also not set in stone but I really want Vinnie to make an appearance)

After their shared traumatic experience, they become practically brothers, learning how to live with their powers and animalistic needs

I wanted to maybe add a Demon cameo but idk where he could fit 🤘

FAV FANFIC TROPES LETS GO

- Slow burns

-“There was only one bed”

- Denial

- Found family (if you couldn’t tell by this point)

- Characters with no grasp on social cues

- Height difference

- Hurt Comfort

Other fic ideas I think about but aren’t as developed as the previous one

- Spacechild raising a baby (Would probably take place after the first story if it happens to have a sequel)

- Actual superhero origin stories

- Spaceman accidentally clones himself and ends up with an opposite version of him (Basically Tommy and Ace as some kind of opposite twins)

- Re-writing of kiss meets the phantom (Even though it’s already perfect it the way it is)

- Fox and Catman backstory

This is finally over

It’s the 2nd time I’m writing this thing bcs my dumbass forgot to save it 🫶

Anyways If anyone read this whole thing, thank you

I have no idea how to end this 🤘

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katnissdoesnotfollowback · 2 months

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Advice for new writers? Common pitfalls?

As in fandom writers? I’m going with that because I’m still an unpublished writer so I don’t think I’m qualified to speak to that.

For new fandom writers, my biggest piece of advice would be to lower your expectations of both yourself and your fandom.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but most new writers aren’t going to produce sweeping, complex, meaningful 200k+ epics right out of the gate. Writing is a skill, just like any other, and that means it requires practice. The beauty of fanfic is that there are readers out there who will absolutely devour your early works, whether or not you think it’s garbage or “not good enough.” You’re not gonna win the Pulitzer with fanfic, so lower the expectations and try to enjoy the experience.

Finish something. A 100 word drabble or a 5000 word ficlet. If you can, finish something. That rush of “oh! New idea!” Is heady, but the crushing self doubt when you’ve got 50 first chapters and nothing marked complete is just as powerful.

This one’s almost impossible: If you are prepared for nobody to interact with your fic, then it’ll be a pleasant surprise when they do. Readers will scroll by your work for a million and one reasons. Sometimes they’re just not in the mood to read at the moment and when they are, they’ve forgotten they saw it. Sometimes you posted when the largest chunk of readers for that fandom are asleep and by the time they’re awake and looking for something to read, your work is buried under other updates. Sometimes they just didn’t see it because as a new writer you maybe haven’t gotten a lot of exposure and reach. Readers come to fanfic as a kind of comfort read. We’re familiar with the characters or world so we can dive right in, but also… that leads to readers who have favorite writers whom they trust to handle the characters or they know they’ve got a good chance of enjoying the story. Readers in older fandoms tend to be comfortable with established writers and less comfortable trying new writers.

That’s an unfortunate issue new writers might have to face, and it tends to be more pronounced in older fandoms where people have built lists of “classic works” and they’ve watched cycles of writers coming and going, leaving works seemingly abandoned or on a long hiatus.

So maybe have patience with the readers too and try to understand where they’re coming from.

Standard advice applies: write for yourself. Write what brings you joy because you’ll just be miserable if you write for someone else.

It’s not about the numbers or the notes. If your only goal is to get the kudos and comments etc, then you’re going to be miserable at some point. But also, it’s really hard to not be affected by low interaction, so be ready for that. It sucks to feel like you’re pouring your heart and soul into this writing thing and then get little to no response. Because part of the fanfiction writer experience is the interaction with the readers. If someone doesn’t want that interaction, they’d write but never share.

So note to the readers: it kinda is about the interaction. No fanfic writer posts hoping that no one will comment and they’ll be left feeling like they’re just shouting into an empty void.

Not sure if this is what you’re looking for, Anon, but I hope that helps.

❤️ kdnfb

#anonymous #look at that ask

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anewtmasappeared · 27 days

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I posted this on Reddit, and thought I’d try here too.

~ Intro

I’ve started these fan pages hoping to share interests with other TMR fans and share some of my own ideas, thoughts, and fan projects. Above all, I’d really like to share about my Newtmas fan fiction writing project. First, I thought I’d ask if there’s really anyone out there seeing this :’)

I might be seen as late, and that would be because I was too young to watch the Maze Runner movies at its time ;-; But after I did, I came to love the story, world, the characters, and their relationships.

~ I haven’t read the books, and I don’t want to—yet

Also something to note: I only know the movies, not the books. I wish to someday read all the books, but I want to stay only in the movie trilogy world for now. It might be ironic, since the books are this series’ origins, where it was born from, the original work, and I’m writing a fan fiction about it. But I have a strong feeling that Newtmas isn’t even a vibe in the books. That what I’ve written and am about to write would be very wildly unrealistic compared to the books. That maybe if I read the books, then my inspiration to write this fan fiction just might be crushed. So I’m deciding to purposely read the books only later down the road.

~ Before you keep reading this:

If you’ve gotten this far, and you don’t know Newt’s story from start to finish within the movies, then you shouldn’t read the rest if you don’t want to find out this way. I wouldn’t really say it’s a spoiler, since everyone already seems to know the events throughout the movies, but just in case, I’ll add this here.

~ Is anyone out there?

I’ve been thinking about the possibility that I might not reach people with my own fan projects either because the fandom isn’t as alive anymore, or because of some cases of the internet’s disappointing algorithms. I’ve been working on something that I’m really proud of, and I really hope to share it with other TMR trilogy fans someday when it’s finished:

~ Newtmas is a very beautiful, delicate thing

A Newtmas fan fiction!

It’s got to be the most popular Maze Runner trilogy ship (is it just me or does it seem even bigger than Thomas and Teresa? Thomresa? Teromas?) and here, I’m taking it and turning it into a fan fiction.

If the sound of a Newtmas fan fiction already catches your attention, then you might have read some Newtmas fan fictions before. You might have seen how off-character the characters can seem or how much the writer sometimes butchers their relationship… Here, I’m doing everything I can to handle Thomas and Newt gently and carefully, because Newtmas is a very delicate and fragile thing, that can be easily failed by any fan writer who might be impatient or who might force the relationship too far too quickly. Thomas and Newt’s relationship is easily loved by TMR trilogy fans, and such a relationship is curiously, unexplainably valuable, but it’s also very delicate. So in my fan fiction, I’m doing everything I can to handle them in the most careful and gentle way, keeping their personalities and character, and I intend to build on their relationship in the most realistic way.

~ Newtmas should have been endgame ;-; / Why I’m writing it

There are so many ways Newt could have been saved. (I could list a whole bunch, but I’ll probably save that for another time.) Seeing that he didn’t make it, it felt like I was robbed of something. Even though the movies gave us this beautiful relationship between the two, it felt like it should have lived on. It felt like it ended too soon. We were given something amazing, but it was taken away too painfully, too quickly. I know Newt died, and that’s how the story goes…but imagine if he didn’t. Imagine he was saved (by one of the many possible ways…) and lived on, and eventually became the most special part of Thomas’ life while living on the safe sanctuary by the beach.

~ My style of writing it

The main focus is Thomas and Newt’s relationship by the end of it all, but it won’t be writing purely all about the two. It won’t be like the other characters don’t exist; it won’t be like the other characters don’t matter. Because they really do, even when the main focus and main inspiration of the writing is Thomas and Newt’s relationship. The other characters are a part of the world and are still a big part of Thomas and Newt’s lives. And the writing also won’t be solely all events focused on only the relationship. Another thing that might seem off about Newtmas fan fictions is that it might be all about them, as if no other characters exist or as if nothing else happens except for their relationship growing. In my fan fiction, other things will happen, and the other characters will still be a big part of it. It’s like a way to care more for Thomas and Newt’s relationship by lessening the overall focus on it a little. I *really* don’t want to overdo anything or rush their relationship, and I’m sure that’s pretty clear by now.

~ My concluding questions

1. Do you think you might be interested in this fan fiction once it’s released into the public? I’m planning to put it on Wattpad once it’s ready, which will be in quite some time, but unlike other fan projects, I’m determined to successfully finish this one. I’m working hard on it for both myself and any other TMR trilogy fans who might have interest in or appreciation for it.

2. Do you agree with my “Newtmas is very delicate” opinion (out of curiosity)? If you do, then you’re sure to appreciate my fan fiction :)

3. Is this fandom still relatively active? :’) Hopefully this amazing series is so great that it still has an active fandom?

4. Not a question, but if you aren’t as interested in the sound of my fan fiction, but know someone who might be, I’d really appreciate a share! And even if you are interested, I’d still very much appreciate a share! I really hope to spread this news about my work-in-progress Newtmas fan fiction. Hopefully it can motivate me to write it not only for myself and my close friends/family, but for other, new people as well. So I’d be very excited to find any encouraging enthusiasm!

End note about this Newtmas fan fiction:

This fan fiction all started with my ideas, my Newtmas-inspired motivation, my thoughts, and is the written form of my ideas. It started with me saying, “I’m going to do this. I’m going to make Newtmas happen, because I refuse to be robbed of it like that.” I’m the writer of it, but so is my sibling, who is working on it with me as a two-collaborative-authors kind of project. We’re in the place of one author, using mainly my foundational ideas, and we’re both writing it together. Some descriptions are mine, and some descriptions are my sibling’s. One thing for sure is that my sibling is a lot better at descriptive and creative writing than me, but I try my best. My sibling is also there to edit and add to my descriptions for the most amazing improvements. My sibling knows the characters a lot better than I do, and can provide judgement or input on a lot of my own ideas about our project, and also suggests ideas of their own. In the end, equal credit goes to the both of us.

If this reaches anyone, and you have the chance to read our fan fiction, I hope you enjoy!

Thank you for reading this! :)

#tmr thomas #tmr newt #newtmas #tmr #the maze runner #maze runner #scorch trials #death cure #fanfic #fandom #tmr fandom #tmr fanfic

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daniwib · 5 months

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Fic Writing Review 2023

Words and fics

• 281,412 words published to ao3

• approx. 150,000 more unpublished (unfinished WIP’s)

• 2 fandoms (911 & 911 Lonestar)

• Most recent drop: Night at the (Wax) Museum – an utterly cursed piece of work that is virtually unreadable. Seriously. I dare you to try. I wrote this for a guess-the-writer event and made it so unrecognisable as my own work that virtually no one read it at all. It’s a fun story and I hope that more people will read the grammatically correct version that I’ll be posting hopefully today.

• Longest fic in 2023: empty, broken, lonely, hoping at 44k (Buck and Christopher are presumed dead when Buck’s building burns down) This is one of my favourites this year.

Top 2023 fics by kudos

• empty, broken, lonely, hoping (Buck and Christopher are presumed dead when Buck’s building burns down). I really like this one and am quite proud of it. One of my favourites I’ve written this year.

• Losing Hope (Buck gets pregnant right before the lawsuit but loses the baby). Huh. This surprised me. I never thought I’d write mpreg or lawsuit fic OR that it would be one of my highest kudos’d fic this year. How bizarre!

Upcoming events and projects for 2024

Gah this is scary, I have so many.

Reluctant Werewolf crack – I really need to sit down and finish the last chapter of this. It’s about half done.

Coronation crack – likewise. I got blocked when RWRB was released and featured a polo scene very similar to what I was planning for Buddie in England and haven’t been able to get back to it since. I think I’ll scrap that chapter and just finish it off. I loathe having unfinished wip’s partly posted, it does my head in.

Big werewolf AU – featuring all my favourite tropes of kidnapped Buck, worried Eddie, Buck whump and Eddie whump too. I started it in January 2023. It’s fully plotted and maybe 2/3’s written at around 70k.

Navy Seal Buck – there’s something so fun about secretly bamf! Buck going all out to protect his firefam. He gets whumped during the course of, naturally. Again, started in January 2023, fully plotted and is maybe half done at about 50k-ish.

Angsty Buckley family drama set around the Madney wedding aka the one that will make you all weep. Fully plotted, partly begun.

Kidnapped TK – this one is so big and complex that I’m thinking of turning it into a novel some day. Fully plotted and partially written.

Eddie porn reviewer. Plotted only.

Buck sex worker. Plotted, partially written.

Carla romance novelist gets Buddie together. Plotted, partially written.

Plus the other 90+ ideas in my Ideas folder!

I’m unlikely to get much done before Christmas, too busy with family stuff and am recovering from having to have an emergency appendectomy while also having Influenza A this week. It’s been… rough.

Same for January as hubby and I are going on the first holiday alone together since having kids – Tasmania here we come! I am very glad my surgery didn’t ruin that.

Thank you for the tag @sherlockcrossing

No pressure tagging: @daughterofscotland @rogerzsteven @cal-daisies-and-briars @ronordmann and anyone else who wants to share!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

#tag game #fanfic #my writing #Ao3 #Whump #Angst #911 #Buddie

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daboyau · 29 days

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20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thanks so much for the tag @dandywonderous! I was very happy when I saw it. :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

28 currently! I have more on ff.net but never transferred them over since I wrote them when I was younger and don’t like them enough to do so.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

506,651

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently I’m mostly writing for ROTTMNT, and have a long time fic for BNHA I’m stuck on the last chapter for. In the past I’ve written for Natsume Yuujinchou, Tokyo Ghoul, Naruto, Animorphs, Teen Wolf, Killing Stalking, and…I think that’s it on ao3?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. The Good In Me, 2. Dangerous Games, 3. Friendship Benefits, 4. Classroom Etiquette, 5. Approximation (the natsume fandom is really dominating there lol)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I know when I comment on something it feels nice to get a response, so I try to respond when I have the bandwidth for it. I’d say I do maybe 80% of the time?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have to be honest, I have a chronic case of not finishing my fics. So I’m going to just say that the one with the angstiest planned ending is probably going to be And the Loyal Remains. Angst in general would be Sticks and Stones, mostly because that was the fic I was writing when I was having a lot of emotions while living on my own for the first time and I was beating up my characters over it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably any of my Natsume fics! They’re shorter so they’re actually finished, and Natsume is one of the few characters I want to wrap in a blanket with very little angst involved, so even if the story is a little sad I try to give them sweeter endings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not recently! When I was younger and posting on ff.net I used to get some hate, but I haven’t really seen anything like that coming from ao3.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not really. I’m not against smut of any kind, but I’m not big on writing romance or relationships, and tbh I’d feel too shy to post any smut even if I did write some lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I love crossovers, but I write very few of them. My very first fanfiction I ever wrote and posted when I was…13 I think, was a Cirque Du Freak/Harry Potter crossover over on ff.net. That one might be the craziest one, simply because I was straight up plagiarizing whole paragraphs straight from the HP books and the fic actually got kind of popular?? It was definitely an odd first try at dipping my toes into fanfic writing, and probably skewed my expectations for my future fics lol.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

The only one I’m aware of having been stolen was my BNHA fic, which someone had taken and had a robot reading on their monetized youtube channel. I didn’t like that at all.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Dangerous Games was translated by GlaireG, and I’ve had some people ask if they can translate other works without that ever going anywhere. That said, if anyone ever wants to translate any of my works they’re more than welcome to! All I ask is that credit be given and linked back to the original.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not! Co-writing sounds simultaneously very fun and very stressful, since I’m a slow writer and would probably fret over holding the other person up. It’s something I might be interested in, under the right circumstances. editing to add that I am silly and didn’t think about the fact that the crossover between @boots-with-the-fur-club’s Inverted Confrontation AU and my Leave AU was co-writing lol. Love yoouuu thank you for pointing out my silly. 💚

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Hhmmmmm, I’m going to say Nezushi from No. 6! I don’t have many ships, but they have lived rent free in my head for over a decade at this point lol.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

All of them. I dream of finishing my abandoned WIPs, but I don’t really see that happening tbh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve been told I’m good at world-building and characterization, which is great since those are my favorite parts of writing. :)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I wish I was better at crafting a solid plot and following it through to the end. I have an awful habit of having ideas as I go and chasing after them instead of just sticking with one idea. Imagery is something I’m not very good at. Also, being able to write humor is something I dream of, but I’m not a very funny person so that is dead in the water.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I personally prefer to just indicate that something is being said in another language, but to each their own. I don’t love having to google what something means or when someone types something out in one language and then puts in parentheses the translation right afterwards. That said, there are some cases where it’s done very well and adds to the story, so I guess it just depends.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Darren Shan/Harry Potter. I started writing it in a notebook bc I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. Then learned about fanfiction and it was all over from there.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

This is a really hard one…. Maybe Classroom Etiquette? It was really enjoyable to write. The Good In Me also holds a special place in my heart since I’ve been working on it for so long. (though Turning a New Shade of Red aka the Rise Hunger Games AU is quickly rising through the ranks to be one of my favs)

Well, I definitely need to tag in my writing bestie @boots-with-the-fur-club. You have no choice but to play the game. also tagging @psychologicalwarclaire, @phoebepheebsphibs and @onlyhereforturtles, but feel free to ignore if you want!! Anyone else who wants to do it, pretend I tagged you, and tag me so I can see it. 💚

#Tag game #my writing #This was fun #thank you again for tagging me dandy!!!

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ryuichirou · 1 month

Text

Replies

A couple of replies about our sketches from yesterday, a couple of follow-ups and some stuff about Papa and Mama Leech today~

Anonymous asked:

Thank you for your contributions to the Toddallace fandom!!!

No problem, Anon! Thank you so much for enjoying our Toddallace stuff.

Anonymous asked:

Screaming and crying and on my knees and absolutely losING MY DAMN MIND-

Freminet is my favorite Genshin character and he is so underrated! Seeing him in your beautiful art style has blessed my entire MONTH and I am eternally grateful!

Thank you for the wonderful sketch 🙏 I will now proceed to be insane over it for the next week

You are very welcome, Anon!! I am so happy you liked the sketch! <3

Freminet is cute, his freckles really look good on his face.

irregardlessly-tish asked:

Have you guys ever read/watch Higurashi or Umineko no naku koro ni? Not a lot of cute boys to ship, (especially in Higurashi) but I get the impression that the dark themes in both of them may be things you find enjoyable lol They are both of my favorite mangas I've read besides SnK

We haven’t yet, but we really want to! My knowledge of both of these titles is pretty vague outside of some of the most well-known things, but I am pretty sure we will enjoy it a lot. Thank you for recommending it to us!

I don’t know when we’ll have the opportunity to dive into it, but whenever we do, I’ll absolutely have some sketches to show. I can already feel it…

Anonymous asked:

Wait I think I know which webtoon anon is talking about

The Guy Upstairs by Hanza

I don't like Hanza bc she's an anti but she kinda got stuck with the short end of the stick with the whole situation

The shippers for the main pairing started harassing Hanza and that's why she decided to end the webtoon early

(related to our replies from yesterday)

Oh, I see.

Regardless of an author’s views, it is always unfortunate when they have to finish their story abruptly because of the pressure of the readers. One would think that they would appreciate it enough not to bully the author, but unfortunately, a lot of times people are very demanding and emotional.

Anonymous asked:

I like Idia’s underwear. 😏

Jade loves it too <3

Anonymous asked:

jade move over that's my job.

Oh you can take a break and relax, Jade will gladly do the hard work for you ^^

Anonymous asked:

MOVE, IDIA MOM SAID ITS MY TURN WITH JADE

If Idia wasn’t butt-naked, he would’ve ran away and left the entire Jade for you, Anon…

Anonymous asked:

every day is a good day when I get to see Jade x Idia YEAHHH

Sooo, are they doing anything spicy~? 👀

Thank you, Anon!! <3 I’m glad you liked it!

They’re about to~

Anonymous asked:

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙹𝙰𝙳𝙴 𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝙸𝚂 𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙼𝙴 𝙶𝙾 𝙵𝙴𝚁𝙰𝙻

𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼 𝙴𝚈𝙴𝚂 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝚂𝙼𝚄𝙶 𝙰𝚂𝚂 𝙵𝙰𝙲𝙴

𝙶𝙾𝚃 𝙼𝙴 𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙱𝙱𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙰𝚁𝚂 𝙾𝙵 𝙼𝚈 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙽𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃

The way I started counting syllables to check if this was a haiku….

I am very happy you liked it so much, Anon!! <3

Anonymous asked:

Holy fuck ill keep saying it over and over but EEL ABS

Swimmer abs! Meaty boys!

Anonymous asked:

So, I saw a post and I wonder if you've seen it or thoughts of it but a eric/crewel/trein threesome (i think his name was Eric but its vil's dad)

No thoughts so far. We keep getting asked about Eric and Trein (and Crewel I guess), but I don’t even know how or why they would interact. We haven’t watched the event yet, so maybe I just don’t know some crucial piece of information, but… Eric seems like too big of a celebrity to stumble upon these two all of a sudden? And Trein doesn’t sleep around as well, he is a very tough one to crack…

Not completely impossible, I just don’t feel it for now. Maybe I’ll have an epiphany at some point in the future!

Anonymous asked:

NEED to know more about your leech parents!!! do they sleep in the same fish bed? did they even want kids, was it just for traditional family points? she doesnt cook, do the rest of them keep it a secret too? hgrgrhrhrhhhhhh FISHFISHFISHFISHFISHFISHFISHFIFSHFISH

im willing to vote they have a cuck chair (? ...merfolk dont sit tho..)

lol Anon!! I am very happy that you got intrigued by these two; I really like thinking about them too to be honest lol so I guess I better share my thoughts before we get more canon lore about them (god forbid, I wouldn’t want that at all! *reverse psychology*)

Alright, so to answer your questions…

To be honest, I don’t think they sleep in the same bed, mostly because both of them are too damn long and take up too much space to share a bed lol They used to sleep together when they just got married, but quickly decided that it’s just too bothersome.

Moray eels aren’t super social and don’t have the “mate for life” mentality, so their family façade is kind of fake. It also makes them dangerous, because one moray eel is already trouble, but two? Who also have a family? This is one of the things that make them so dangerous. So yeah, I wouldn’t say that Papa and Mama Leech love each other romantically, but they have mutually beneficial relationship, and to them this is probably even better than love. They are also probably aren’t intimate with each other anymore… they are with other people though, when they feel like it~

So yeah, to answer your question about a cuck chair lol Sure, why not, but I feel like with these two it’d be more like one of them is obliterating some poor merman while the other watches it just for the sake of enjoying the show. And some additional intimidation/humiliation 😔

When it comes to family, both of them really wanted kids, but not due to any wholesome reasons: Papa Leech wanted to keep his business going strong even after he’s gone, and he would rather choke on a puffer fish than entrust it to anyone other than his own copies lol And Mama Leech really enjoys the drama of being a mother and a wife. She is a bit of a narcissist, and both of them are kind of sociopathic?? But they love their kids in their own ways.

The fact that Mama Leech doesn’t cook is the biggest secret in the world lol The tweels usually play along, especially Jade, but Floyd is more likely to just roll his eyes whenever she is talking to someone about cooking dinner for her sons. I would say that they have a cook, but actually I feel like the majority of things that they eat are raw…

Anonymous asked:

I wonder if you see the time we ask these at... hmmm

Moving aside NOT A REQUEST DONT GET IT CONFUSED BTW

Female!Jade, in Bayonetta 1 or 2's outfit...

We do~ We don’t check it though, so if you’re worried for some reason, don’t be lol

You’re making this woman way too powerful, please have mercy… she is already tall and scary…

#replies

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nonas-third-tantrum · 1 year

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Okay real quick, I know this is probably a question people ask a lot, but I just finished NtN and I'm still not sure: Are the humans outside the Nine Houses meant to be the descendants of the trillionaires who got away, or are they just part of the humans Jod killed and resurrected after creating Alecto?

first of all let me say that I’m flattered you’re asking me but something you should know about me is that I’m a lot like nona. I understand the characters in these books and have a good grasp on their mannerisms personalities etc., but I don’t know what is going on. and that’s okay! fandoms are an ecosystem and my niche is not theory

but since you asked, I’ll try to answer before I turn things over to the smarter folks out there. I just finished my reread of nona and I’m still confused about this. Jod says a few things that lead me to believe the original trillionaires are still out there, having achieved some kind of immortality. In John 5:4, he talks about how he could destroy everything and start over again, but says that “the only reason I haven’t done it already is that I can’t bear the idea that I wouldn’t be able to touch them—that they’d still be out there.”

I suppose it’s possible that if they survived, they also had descendants, or maybe some of them settled on planets while others stayed on their ships? I don’t think John would have resurrected people and sent them outside of the nine houses, but we’re still missing about a myriad’s worth of story post-apocalypse and pre-gtn, so I suppose anything’s possible.

then of course the question becomes: why is John on this mission to conquer other planets? if the trillionaires are still out there, he’s hunting them down. but I think it’s likely that he has at least one other motive, and my guess is that he’s ensuring that everyone in the whole universe is under his thumb so that what happened on earth can never happen again. to make sure that there is nowhere to run where he doesn’t have jurisdiction. why kill the planets, then, rather than just rule them as-is? killing planets slowly avoids creating more resurrection beasts, and also prevents some other human from becoming god and usurping his power. if he did it, what’s to stop someone else from doing it again? the only way to prevent it, as far as he know, is to make it impossible.

anyway, that was a long way of saying I don’t know, and hopefully someone else who’s thought about this will have a more helpful explanation!

#me: oh idk what’s going on don’t ask me #also me: here’s what I think is going on #the locked tomb #tlt #tlt meta #ntn spoilers

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