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alpharaposa · 11 months

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The thing is? Everybody starts out poor when they leave home (unless they get a shitload of money from their parents, which is fewer people than you think).

The GI Generation did not go straight from school into neat little “pleasant valley” houses. They fought a freakin’ war first, then half of them went to college on the GI Bill, and THEN they finally settled down to start making Baby Boomers.

Baby Boomers? A bunch went to college, a bunch went to Vietnam, and a bunch bummed around getting high without really living anywhere until they finally settled down (or died off) and started getting real jobs.

Gen X? We got soooo many thinkpieces about hanging around living with our parents because we didn’t have the scratch to move out (which is historically normal, BTW- people lived with their parents and sometimes their grandparents). Those who did had the time-honored tradition of living with roommates for the first place or two, with all the awkward steps of living with people who may not have the same hygiene standards you do. Or may feel like vodka and sunny delight is a perfectly good breakfast and trash belongs on the floor.

So, Millennials weren’t setting any new trends by having trouble paying rent and getting a car (if they even wanted one) as young adults freshly on their own. And you up and coming kids, you’re going to have to figure out some strategies, too. Roommates, living with your parents, going into debt and learning about bankruptcy... those are all normal things for twenty-somethings.

For most of our country’s existence, the big worries were child poverty and elderly poverty. Guess what? We’ve just about licked those. Kids and their parents get a lot of help, and the lone grandma out there is usually richer than her kids. Even if not, she’s got the kinds of retirement funds previous generations could only dream of.

That leaves the last form of ‘poor’, which is the young adult with almost nothing to their name, setting out to make their way in the world for the first time. Most of them are going to struggle. Some take out student loans and get through college and THEN reality hits them, but unless you were a very strange student who had a part-time job and saved a lot of money, you don’t have much of anything when you turn 18/21/24.

It takes time to accumulate wealth, be it in ‘real’ form (houses and other property) or simple cash. It’s never been easy, and the rules change as society changes. The internet and global supply chains changed things in just the last generation. COVID screwed up so much, it’s unreal, and we’re still sorting that out. I’m sorry for those of you hitting the job market right as things hit the skids- that sucks. It’s happened to my mom every time she went job hunting so far (and she’s in her 60s- sometimes it just works out that way).

Is it hard sometimes? Boy howdy. Make some friends to hang out with on the cheap, be it drinking country time lemonade and vodka instead of going to the bars or picking up hobbies less expensive than playing the latest video games.

What you’re going through is what other people go through and HAVE gone through for years and years and years. It gets easier. You’re going to have pitfalls where you screw up. Maybe you’ll have to start over once or twice. God knows my husband and I did a couple of times. Things you never learned about in school will suddenly become important, like credit ratings. The good news is that information on how to fix this stuff isn’t too hard to find these days. The bad news is that you’re going to have to do a lot of stuff that’s new or uncomfortable until you learn the ins and outs.

You’ll manage. You’ll get better at it. There are some things you’ll let go and other things you’ll hold onto. Life isn’t about having it all, it’s about learning what really matters and what you can live without. It’s about the choices you make along the way. Make those choices in a way so you can look yourself in the mirror afterwards.

Don’t set yourself up for failure by assuming it’s supposed to be easy. We’d all like it to be easy, but nobody’s figured out the magic formula to actually make it work out that way. Believe me, people have tried.

Don’t pay for job placement- good places charge the companies they head-hunt for, not you.

Libraries have programs to help you write resumes and learn to budget.

Step outside and appreciate nature a little bit- it’s free of charge and it’ll keep you sane.

#life advice #worth the price you pay for it

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saffron1022 · 1 year

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I don’t think my parents care for me that much.

I know I’m not the favorite, but sometimes I just feel like a nuisance. Money has always been an issue since becoming an adult. My mom co signed a loan for me, and needless to say it’s ongoing. I’ve struggled a lot but recently, these past two years have been extra hard. Money has been tight and it’s either pay $400 loans or pay $867 rent, or keep my electric on, or keep my gas on. I was losing hours at work then moving jobs to try and find more work. But anyways, I’ve faced many eviction notices. I’ve cried many times thinking of everything I was going to lose. My cats are what mostly made me cry more. I was going to have to live out of my car and that’s what made me sad. See, I was told a while back that I couldn’t move back because I have too much stuff and there’s not enough room for me. I’ve been told “I’m sorry” or “I worry about you” by my mom. One of the most recent times, I was told “I’ll find a friend for you to stay with”.

When my brother faced eviction on his very first apartment, she helped him pay it off. Even though he had been deliberately not working. He was originally injured on the job but didn’t fill out the paper work and lost his job. He wasn’t getting paid because he chose to be lazy. He had a bum friend he was helping too. But I know for sure that he is more than welcome to come back home if he was ever homeless. In fact he HAS moved back home before, briefly but still. Art never knew any of this. But, I always thought if he did maybe he would care more and say something. I would think that anytime I faced an eviction but I would never say a word to him in fear of something bad happening.

Flash forward to tonight. I’m talking to Art asking for him to explain a secured credit card to me. I got to talking about my credit and how I was working hard to fix it. I want to be able to move out of this place by August when my lease is up. To do that I need good credit. So he explained to me he didn’t know then asked me a question about my loan co-signed with mom. The one I’m struggling to pay cause I’m in debt with other things from losing hours at work recently. Well he goes in on me about it. Basically tells me I’m a shitty person for having my mom pay on it because she co-signed it out of good faith. He goes on and on, then says something about car payment. He thought the loan was only for the engine in my old car. I said no, it’s school as well. It’s under a personal loan. And I did say how she’s helping me a lot! Then he says he found out mom had to have him co-sign her car and that’s when he found out her credit was bad. After, it turned into me getting yelled at and saying how he feels like he’s been lied to. How all he does is provide for the family and he gets lied to. I don’t know man but I’m sitting on the couch having a full blown panic attack. When I tried to explain why I was having problems, because it was either rent or loan. Electric or loan. Car or loan. Gas or loan. I chose those because I need those to live and make money to slowly dig my way out of debt. Here I was finally telling him. Finally telling him that I don’t buy food for myself ever so I can pay my bills. That I’d rather starve myself than be homeless. That I’ve lost hours at work and it’s made it difficult. But it didn’t matter, because it was still my fault. I should’ve done this, I should’ve done that, I don’t need to be doing all the frivolous spending. And it just broke my heart. He doesn’t give a shit either. He did say one nice thing, I don’t have to eat the way I do. Then it went back to laying into me. He was so mad. Not yelling, but very mad. I texted mom to call me and I let her know what was about to go down. I said I’m sorry a million times. Thankfully she wasn’t mad. Then I called Nana and I just broke down. I realized neither one of them cared about me possibly being homeless. About me wanting to chose a place to live over a loan. I cried and cried and I told nana it makes me wish I was never born. But in reality, it makes me want to kill myself. I just keep feeling like it’s always my fault. I’m the cause of all these problems. I’m the reason moms credit is shitty, even though I know she has credit card debt. But it’s my fault her credit is bad because of the loan. Or at least in their eyes. I know my mom has used child support money before to pay off her credit card debt. I know Papaw co signed the house for her and made a mortgage payment for her. I know her car almost go repoed because she was behind on payments. I know Art also came in and helped her dig a hole out, but she still had credit card issues. She’s working very hard now to pay it off. But I’m the main reason. I know it’s my fault my budgeting sucks because I spend my money on makeup and cat toys. Frivolous spending. Not at all because I was losing hours at work. See when it comes to small problems they’re down to help. But when it comes to who wants me, haha no one. My nana though, she made me feel so much better. She told me it wasn’t my fault. She reminded me it wasn’t my fault. She told me about how my life is unfortunately a lot like hers was. She also told me that when her and Papaw got married, her mom kicked her out. I guess cause the eloped I don’t know. It’s just going to take some time for me to say enough again and put distance between us. Because I can’t tell if my mom and I have a toxic relationship still or not. So space is needed. I couldn’t live without my nana. Her and papaw are my rock!

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shepardsleftboob · 3 years

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My mom (the only family I had) died, my cat died, and then my mom’s house got burglarized and vandalized

Hi, I’m Yas, I’m a biracial disabled lesbian and my girlfriend got outted, I had to put my cat to sleep, and then my mom died all in the same week. If that wasn’t enough, my birth father tried to hide my moms death from me because I live out of state. I got physically and verbally assaulted at the funeral home by my uncle and my dad refused to help pay for anything because I got my mom cremated like she wanted. When my father and my brother and everyone else realized I was the sole next of kin that was of age and in full control of everything, they started harassing me and sending me death threats, along with my godmother and a bunch of other people. They think there’s some kind of money to be inherited by my mother’s passing, but the sad truth is that we were extremely poor and my moms disability check wasn’t even enough to cover rent, and I had to pay for everything else like groceries and medical bills with my credit card and my only savings.

If that STILL wasn’t enough, as soon as a family friend I had stupidly trusted ratted to my father and brother that I was on my way back to california and was almost there, they broke in and stole anything of value (furniture and TVs I had worked really hard to buy for my mom) and destroyed the place causing upwards of $5,000 in damages, my landlord estimates. I’m going to be held financially responsible for it since my name was still on the lease. The police would not let me make a police report in my home state, so I had to drive 8 hours and make a police report, I had witnesses, my brother even called the landlady (who is willing to testify) and ask her if she could “open the window so he could get in AGAIN and get the wires to the tv and couch he was trying to sell” which was a full confession. The police really aren’t taking it seriously considering when I called to correct some information they told me the detective that’s been assigned to my case was “on vacation”. I had to change my number due to the death threats (police won’t do anything about them, I’m in the process of at least getting a restraining order), and within hours my father sent a “well check” to my door as a subtle way to let me know he still knew where I live.

I already had 5k in credit card debt from taking care of my mom because I couldn’t work anymore, I kept having breakdowns and my body was deteriorating and it seems like I have Crohn’s but I have no insurance to get it treated or checked out. I haven’t even had a second to grieve my mother, who was the most important person in my life and I worked an extremely physically demanding job 50 to 60 hours a week (usually more) for years just to make sure all the bills were paid since I was 15 to make sure she was ok and I was trying to even go back to work and damage my body even further just to save money to move her out here with me when she died. I’m really broken. I’m angry. I’m only 24 and I feel completely alone and any “family” I had left is threatening to kill me over money that doesn’t exist. My girlfriend had to put the $2200 of cremation expenses on her credit card. I’ve had to make 3 separate 8 hour trips so far to my homestate to get this all situated. I lost everything when my mom died and somehow I owe even more after her death. Right now I’m looking at owing a minimum of $12,200 and that’s not counting the gas and expenses of consistently driving and getting everything filed and such. I have severe anxiety, depression, PTSD from the abuse my father put me and my mother through, my body feels like it’s dying every morning I wake up and I just want to give up. I keep having panic attacks and manic episodes. It’s been really hard to hold it together to get all this done. I’m just really struggling, I miss my mom, and everything is adding up and I’m scared that my father and/or brother will try to break into my apartment here.

My mom was a really sweet and open minded person and deserved better than being harassed to death by my dad and brother over a child support case she didn’t even have control over. There’s even more shit to this but I’m not gonna make this post even longer. I’m not even asking for money for a memorial because I just don’t have the money. I have negative money at this point.

If you can spare anything, I would really appreciate it. My PayPal is @jessaminewaters cash app is $YasRose96 and I have a Venmo and zelle too if that’s easier, you can message me if you have any questions. Signal boosts are appreciated ❤️

#just please spread this if you can. if you want me to make a shorter post let me know #I’m sorry if this is long. I don’t know what to say or how to summarize this bc it’s just been blow after blow #I’ve lost 15 lbs since my mom died and I wasn’t that heavy to begin with. I was already in really bad health before this #if it wasn’t for my girlfriend I probably would have just killed myself and been done with it but I wouldn’t do that to her or my friends #I’m just. I’m really torn up. I’m exhausted. the abuse is never ending and it’s like it wasn’t enough for me to just lose my mom #suicide tw

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bettsfic · 3 years

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hi, i was reading your years in review and i noticed that you quit a job of many years to go your own way. i was wondering if you would mind talking about this decision/if you struggled with it? idk i've always told myself that i wouldn't let the idea of a "career" get in the way of what i want (e.g. writing) and that one day (shortly after 30?) i would just quit whatever job i had and go my own way, but as that deadline comes up i find it harder to imagine how i could just uproot myself...

yes, i very much did struggle with the decision to quit (what i thought was) my very stable and lucrative career in finance to get an MFA in creative writing. it’s a bit of a long story so i’m putting it under a cut.

warning for suicidality and sexual assault.

i used to believe i grew up poor, but it was the 90s so poverty looked very different. my dad didn’t work for a long time, and so we only had one income, and we lived in an apartment that was kind of a lowkey hoarder home. as a kid, all i knew was that i didn’t get to have toys, or my own space, and i wasn’t allowed to have friends over. the concept of an allowance was totally alien to me. but it also wasn’t like i ever went hungry. the food we had wasn’t particularly healthy but it was always there.

i didn’t really realize how much that instability affected me until much later, when i noticed other people hadn’t lived their entire lives aware of and obsessed with money. i used to compulsively count the change in my piggy bank and beg my mom to take it so she could pay her taxes (i didn’t know what taxes meant, i just assumed they were the reason we couldn’t afford nice things).

my safe haven was always my grandparents’ house, which was clean and had semi-healthy food and the door was always open. my grandpa was a high school chemistry teacher. my grandma worked at a bank. growing up, i had no idea what she did at the bank, just that it sponsored all the fun things we did, like going to amusement parks and baseball games. my parents never took my sister and i on vacation, but every year, my grandma would drive us to visit our family in missouri, which, even though it only cost the gas to get there, seemed like a wild indulgence to me.

i started working at 16 so i could have my own money. by 17 i was working illegally full-time and getting paid under the table. then i bought my own car, and shortly after i turned 18 i got my own apartment. even though i could pay my bills, i was still terrified about money. i thought about it all the time. i checked my bank account multiple times a day. i was a cashier at a restaurant and i would often open my drawer and just stare at the money or count it when i was bored.

but i hated working at the restaurant, and one day i thought to myself, how can i keep the money part of this job but lose the food part? then i remembered my grandma’s career at the bank (from which by then she’d retired), and that afternoon i sat down and applied to be a teller at the very same bank. obviously the bank was very large and it wasn’t like my grandma was in management. she worked in ATM operations. nobody on my hiring committee knew who she was, and honestly i have no idea how i got the job.

i stayed a teller through college, working 25ish hours a week. it didn’t pay very well and i was still nervous about money, so i picked up a job altering bridal gowns on evenings and weekends, and also an admin job at my university. so i was working 60ish hours a week, plus going to school full-time and trying to keep up my 4.0. in retrospect, i can’t remember how necessary all this was. i know i was living in an apartment whose rent was higher than i could afford, and i lived with my boyfriend who was struggling to find a job. anyway, it was definitely the lowest time of my life, and i was so exhausted that every day i hoped something horrible would happen to me so i could be hospitalized and rest.

then something horrible did happen. my dad died. and even though everyone in my life was telling me to please dear god take a break, i did not.

i got promoted to business finance, which paid what seemed at the time to be an ungodly amount of money. i was still part-time and finishing up my undergrad degree. once i graduated, i got promoted to full-time. for the first couple years, i really did try to be a banker. i was good at my job only insofar as someone who is left-handed can write with their right hand if forced for long enough. it felt very much like i was in the wrong place, but by that point i had so much unchecked trauma that i had convinced myself the highest human ideal was misery and deprivation. i wish i was kidding. i was the definition of ascetic and martyred myself. i didn’t believe happiness existed. work was all that mattered to me.

then i bought a house. so at this point, i had student loans, a car loan, a mortgage, and credit card debt. after my dad’s death, my mom had to file for bankruptcy because of all the medical bills. she abandoned her house. by this point i was 23, single, in six figures of debt with no familial support net, but i was making decent money at the bank, so it wasn’t like i was drowning. in fact i was doing pretty well. the bank was a rock in my very turbulent life. i got a lot of vacation time that allowed me to travel a bit. i had insurance and a matching 401(k). it was really a decent job.

but the bank was also in many ways an abusive relationship. i don’t mean that metaphorically. i had bosses who manipulated me, insulted me, humiliated me in front of other people. i had one boss who went so far as to look at my checking account and ridicule my purchases. i didn’t have any idea what it meant to stand up for myself or say no. in fact i wasn’t allowed to say no. my job at the bank involved solving other people’s problems. i could never say “i can’t solve that problem.” i could only say “i’ll figure it out.”

i had convinced myself working at the bank was a stable career because it was boring and i hated it. but actually it wasn’t stable at all. after 2008, there were mass layoffs and restructures every year while the bank tried to recover from the recession. i worked for a sales team, and so my job was dependent entirely on whether or not the salespeople did their jobs well. if they didn’t make goal, they’d get fired. if they got fired, i’d get fired.

i started trying to date again and was sexually assaulted. after that i really struggled at work because i was dissociating a lot and couldn’t focus. my team, despite my having worked there for years, instead of being concerned for me decided to start complaining about me to my boss. finally i had to tell a coworker what happened and that i wasn’t doing very well. my team started being a little nicer to me but ultimately they didn’t care about me, they cared about how effective i was at my job. my boss didn’t want to fire me, so instead i was pushed onto another team.

that move came with a raise. then that team was dismantled and i was pushed onto another team. that was a demotion, but i got to keep my raise from the previous move. by then, i was working from home, and even though i was more comfortable i was also very isolated and miserable. my “fulfillment through deprivation” attitude was destroying me. i wasn’t eating well or taking care of myself. i was isolated and lonely. i still didn’t believe happiness was real and i constantly thought about killing myself.

but i had started writing fanfiction, and even though i didn’t think i was any good at it, i was beginning to see a way out. i was beginning to learn how to dream, and want things, and give myself the things i wanted. i just couldn’t imagine leaving the bank, or selling my house, or moving out of my hometown. all of that seemed impossible to me.

then i had to go to a business conference where my team had a retirement party for one of my coworkers. she’d done what i was doing for 45 years. by that point i was at the 9 year mark. i’d spent my entire adult life at the bank. and i realized: the bank benefited from my fear and passivity, and nothing in my life was going to change unless i was willing to make sacrifices.

but i still wasn’t entirely convinced. and then came the day i had to physically hold onto my desk to keep me from killing myself. i didn’t end up trying it, because i had another realization: this was a life or death situation now. if i kept working at the bank, i knew i would die. i knew eventually i would get low enough to do it. i didn’t actually want to die; i wanted an escape and didn’t know what else to do. suddenly i was off the hook. my options were not “financial stability or imminent poverty” but “live or die.”

those were the big epiphanies i had, but the process of actually leaving the bank was a slow one. i wrote a bit about it here. i got into an MFA program basically by telling myself repeatedly i would figure out the money stuff later. when it came time to quit the bank, my boss convinced me to stay on working part-time, with the assumption i would move back to full-time once i’d graduated. i agreed to it, because just trying to quit was enough to convince me i could, and that better things were ahead of me. for a year and a half, i stayed on working two days a week while doing my MFA, which involved both coursework and teaching, and it felt a bit like it did during undergrad, having too many jobs and no time to breathe or think or feel anything.

between my first and second year, i had a looooong overdue mental breakdown. there were a lot of causes, but one of them was spreading myself too thin. shortly after, i quit for good. by then it didn’t feel like a big deal at all, i was so far removed from the work and my team and so focused on my degree. one day i turned on my work laptop and the next day i didn’t. i shipped it back to HQ and it was over.

then i graduated from the MFA and suddenly had to face the consequences of this life i’d chosen. my school kept me on as an adjunct, but it felt like being a ghost. i no longer had the community of my cohort. i had no health insurance. i was given my teaching schedule and a contract to sign, that’s it. there was no guarantee i would be getting classes the following semester, and after a year, that was what happened. i remember sitting in my favorite coffee shop trying not to cry when i got the email that said the department had nothing for me to teach the following semester.

i really wasn’t the same after the breakdown. i went from “i can do anything i put my mind to no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts” to “i have to step carefully, and treat myself gently.” i hadn’t fully realized that yet, though, so i tried to get a Real Job. i got the first and only job i applied to, because i am bad at nearly everything but somehow i’m exceptional in interviews. it wasn’t a bank but it offered the same sort of benefits package. it was a full-time salaried position at a non-profit. if i had found it earlier, i think it would have been my dream job. it was the kind of work you throw yourself into because you care so much about doing good.

i lasted a month. during the first week something happened that triggered me in a way i’m very rarely triggered. i realized i needed disability accommodations, but i needed to go to a doctor to get an assessment and i had to be on the team 60 days in order to get insurance. i thought i could white-knuckle it, and i could, sort of, but every minute i was at work, it felt like i was forced away from the thing i should have been doing. i was constantly trying to write a few paragraphs here and there on my phone when no one was looking. i had to find excuses to take breaks and go to my car and breathe. at one point i told a volunteer i was an english instructor, and she looked at me very confused, and i realized i’d said it in present tense, like it was part of who i was and not a job i did for a while. then finally, my breaking point was an after-hours function. when i left i saw a field full of fireflies and thought about how, if i’d just stayed home, i could have sat outside and enjoyed them all evening, not just a glance at them on the way to my car. i liked the job but it was making me miss all the things i’d learned to love about being alive.

i quit the next day. i’d sold my house by then (which was its own feat) and moved in with my grandma, which hadn’t been a possibility until my grandpa passed away the previous spring. i paid off my car. i figured out finally that i would probably never be able to work full-time again unless it was teaching, and that the downside to this life would be accepting fear and instability, only being able to look ahead one semester at a time. staying open to the opportunities that arise. being a little selfish.

i wrote a bit more about the financial realities of the writing life here. i can’t tell you what you should do, because the path i took definitely isn’t the path for everyone, but i do believe we all owe it to ourselves to pursue our best and happiest lives, because we only get one, and there’s no reason not to live it the way you want to.

#writing advice #the writing life #Anonymous

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kyojuuros · 3 years

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this has nothing do to with snk but please bear with me... being a functional working adult in her early 30s, what advice would you give to a college graduate in their early 20s who is completely unprepared to enter the real world? i find myself not wanting to do any of the things that are often associated with 'growing up' – don't wanna move out of my parents' house, don't wanna get a car, don't wanna 'get ahead in life', whatever that means. no one has taught me anything and i'm so unprepared

I think truthfully it’s not possible to be fully prepared for the standard definition of “adulthood” because the ways people navigate through their lives are all vastly different. Not all of us seek greatness nor do we want to fit the neat little box society tries to put it all in. Truthfully? Most people don’t fit into that box.

That being said, most of us do have to push ourselves into that concept of adulthood where we are as independent as possible and it’s scary as shit. But as with all things, we adapt and we adjust and get used to things. And we have to do it at our own pace. If you aren’t ready to move out yet and your parents aren’t shoving you out the door, then try not to stress about it yet and just take your time and wait until you do feel ready.

I don’t share a whole lot of intimate details of my life outside of a few close friends I trust completely, but I can share with you that I did try to move out of my parent’s house when I was 18 (still in high school even) and wound up right back under their roof not even 6 months later. Tried again to move out at 19 and then ended up later renting the “apartment” in my grandma’s basement for a little over a year after a failed abusive relationship. Moved out again for about a year and a half, and - again - ended up back in my mom’s house for several years (though she wasn’t living there at the time). I’ve had to borrow money from my family more times than I’d ever like to admit (and I probably still will rely on family for a down payment on a house). Even at 30, I was still struggling and trying to figure out all of my shit lol. 2020 was actually the first year of my life I’ve lived without any reliance on my family. I just turned 31 a few months ago. This time last year I was still having panic attacks about money and debt and having a lot of anxiety about my future.

I make lots of poor choices, like blowing my money on eating out instead of cooking at home - a lot of this is because I either don’t know how to cook something or I don’t want to. I didn’t even know what the hell brining poultry was until like, not even a full year ago? My mom is passionate about cooking and passed hardly any of that knowledge onto me. Budgeting? I didn’t learn anything about budgeting until I was maybe 20 when my dad finally decided to teach me the ways of the Microsoft Excel spreadsheet. And even then, most of what I know now was self-taught, tips I learned from the internet, etc... And I make a good budget but following it properly is still something I’m trying to get the hang of. But unlike the me of 5-10 years ago, I realize when I’ve overspent and put a hold on that shit until my next pay cycle. It’s been a slow-burn kind of learning process lol

Basically the short of it is, you gotta do you, and you gotta do it at the pace that works for you. And you have to understand that learning how to adult “well” isn’t a linear process and sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s ugly. Don’t worry about “getting ahead in life” or any of that. Just find the best job (for you) that you can that will pay the bills, put food on your table, and doesn’t make you feel completely bloody miserable. Keep your family and friends close in case things go awry. Don’t keep people around who drag you down. Keep as well of a good head on your shoulders as you can.

I go to work 5 days a week and I do my job and I do it well. I would like to move up but I don’t actively pursue it, I just wait for the opportunities to come to my feet instead. I make decent money (albeit still in the lower class bracket) and I’m content with that. I come home, I bury my face in my anime and manga and video games like I always have since I was a child and I’m completely comfortable with that. I don’t focus on “making connections” so I can “get ahead in life” and I don’t penny pinch like crazy so I can one day have a million dollars to retire on and, tbh, I don’t see anything wrong with me living this way. Maybe I’ll hate myself for it when I’m 60 and my body is breaking down but, it’s not like in today’s society I’m actually looking forward to retirement anyway lol.

I don’t even have a degree. I tried college multiple times, multiple majors, and finally threw in the towel when I decided I was just wasting my money and didn’t want to do any of that shit. Would I like to go back? Yeah, someday... when I can afford it. But I’m not pressed about it right now.

Just take things one step at a time, do what works for you, don’t concern yourself with what “order” you should be doing everything in. It’s all baby steps. Ask questions about the things you don’t know. If someone in your life can’t give you the answers, the internet is a wonderful resource. Just breathe. Keep your interests, don’t feel like you have to cast them away so you can be more “adult” like. Being an adult is overrated and the concept of adulthood that we are fed our whole lives growing up is largely just a front. Just do the best that you can do and don’t worry about the rest or what others your age are doing.

#anon #reply

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allthebooksandcrannies · 4 years

Text

I know a lot of older people think it's a problem that so many young people don't want to have children, but I think it shows an increased understanding for how much of a responsibility parenting is and how much damage you can do to a child of you're not ready to raise someone.

I think that everyone is capable of being a good parent and I think that some people should never be parents. These may sound mutually exclusive but they aren't because there's a big if involved in the first half. That if, is that everyone is capable of being a good parent someday if they put in the work to take care of their own shit first.

When you become a parent or guardian, you are officially signing on to prioritize another person's physical and emotional needs before your own for the rest of their life. That means loving them no matter what they do or who they become. That means putting aside your own exhaustion and frustration at your day when they walk through the door so that you can be their champion and their confidant and their companion. That means teaching them how to process their emotions and think critically and empathetically and it means letting them find their own path, even if it's different than the one you wanted or imagined for them, but making it clear that if they need or want your comfort, your help, or just your ear that they will have it. You don't have to be perfect. No parent ever is, and it's important anyway for kids to learn in nontraumatic ways that adults make mistakes too and that's okay as long as you take responsibility for that and strive to learn and grow because of your mistakes. Kids learn by watching and listening to the adults around them and the things they conclude from those early years of observation will stick with them the rest of their lives.

I know that that sounds scary. It probably should because deciding to raise a child should be the biggest decision you can make, and if it's not, you may not be taking it seriously enough.

I also know that this is hard. And I have the greatest respect for people who truly understand this and decide to raise a tiny person anyway.

I'm also not trying to discourage you from becoming a parent. You may not be ready now, but that doesn't mean you can't be later. I personally would love to be a mom some day not I know that I have a lot of personal growth and healing I need to take care of first, to say nothing of the stabilization of my financial and career status.

The real question is what can you do to be a better parent, guardian, or even trusted adult to someone else's child (a really important and valid role and choice in itself!) later?

First off, you need to do some hard core introspection to figure out what traits and behaviors you have that might exhibit that would interfere in your ability to be a good parent. Maybe you're still emotionally immature. Maybe you're struggling with uncontrolled mental illness, chronic illness, or addiction. Maybe you've internalized some toxic ideas. Maybe you're still recovering from trauma or just now realizing that what you have even is trauma. None of these things makes you a bad person and none of them stops you from being capable to becoming a good parent. But, all of them can interfere with your ability to model healthy behaviors and coping skills to your child. Children learn through observation and, because their brains need the world to make sense and be predictable, they're going to interpret everytime you seem upset or lose your cool as being their fault. Young children aren't capable of going "mom is upset and snapped over something relatively trivial, she must be having a bad day/be tired/etc" because that's an interpretation of the world that is outside their control. Instead, they're going to go "I did x and mom got mad at me, it's my fault so I better not do x again" and that's a really harmful mindset that can contribute to self-worth issues and other mental illnesses like anxiety, especially if this happens long-term (for the record, you're going to make mistakes and you're going to snap over stupid things because being a grown-up is hard, so when you inevitably make this mistake it's important to be honest and upfront with your child about what happened, why, how it's not their fault, and you have to genuinely apologize for it, turning your mistake into a chance to model good adult behavior).

It's important to take care of yourself and let yourself grow and heal before bringing a kid into the mix because 1. you'll be a better parent if you start out in a better place emotionally and mentally, and 2. because you deserve the chance to be healthy and happy and it's much harder to address the things that are interfering with that when your also trying to juggle the additional emotional/mental demands of raising a child.

Additionally, I definitely recommend making sure you and anyone else taking a primary caretaker role in your child's life is in a stable financial and that the relationship between you and any other caretakers is stable and amicable regardless of what kind of relationship it is. The financial aspect is important because kids are expensive as hell (both the having/acquiring and the raising) and you want to be able to provide then with the best possible shot at life.

This isn't about me but I feel like the example will be helpful. We weren't poverty level growing up, but even as a child it was clear to me that we could be. My parents were 20 year old newlyweds when they got pregnant. My dad had been set up to inherit a position in his father and grandfather's construction company and did not go to college because they thought he was guaranteed a steady job. My mom was paying for a college education she couldn't afford because no one had ever explained how to get financial aid and scholarships to her and her parents were too caught up in their own shit to be anything but relieved about getting to make her future my dad's problem. Then they got pregnant. They started building a house that took much longer to build then expected because that construction business dad was expecting to inherit went out of business because it turned out that a cousin had been embezzling and my great-grandmother wouldn't let them sue or press charges against family. Mom had to drop out of college to raise me because daycare costs as much as she makes at work and she no longer has the time or funds. They had a baby they weren't prepared to raise and my dad's new job had him working in the Texas heat all day before going and working on our house at night so that we could move out of my maternal grandfather's house now that he was getting divorced and couldn't afford it. My parents society never saw each other and they were constantly worried about money. Less than two years after I was born they accidentally got pregnant with my brother. He ended up with failure to thrive and (although he did eventually recover) it raked up a serious amount of debt in addition to my mom's student loans and the mortgage. Flash forward four more years and my dad falls through a roof at a construction site and permanently cripples his ankle. Cue a year of the only breadwinner in the household being unable to work, several surgeries and massive medical bills we can't pay. A year after that my mom has to have a historectomy because her fibroids are causing immense pain and then they find pre-cancerous cells. Another year after that she starts having unexplained siezures and signs of organ failure that will take years to diagnose as a rare autoimmune disorder that will leave her disabled and, again, rake up serious medical debt. I found out in college that it came to the point that we almost lost the house but as a kid I still always knew we were struggling. And that fucks with a kid's head. There were reasons I didn't tell my parents that something was wrong for a week after I sprained my wrist when I was 10 and it wasn't just because I didn't want to sound like I was asking for attention (a phobia that also comes from having emotionally immature parents). I pushed myself ridiculously hard in school because I knew I couldn't expect any help paying for college from my parents. I still feel incredibly guilty anytime I spend more than 20 dollars even though it's my money and I need groceries or textbooks or gas or whatever. A lot of these issues would have been financially difficult and unpredictable, but had my parents been in a more stable position when they got married and started having kids, it would have been much easier to weather the storms.

Additionally, money is the main thing couples fight about, so if you can take that off the table as a significant concern before bringing kids into the mix, please do. Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that you can't address higher order concerns like personal growth of your worried about where your next meal is coming from and that goes for your children as well.

Again, I'm not trying to shame people for their financial difficulties. Most of us are playing at a game we were never intended to win and I get that not all children are planned. But, your good intentions unfortunately will not put food on the table or pay the rent and your children will have a lot less stress in their lives if you are able to make sure that things are as stable as possible before you bring them into it.

The same goes for your relationship with fellow caretakers. Don't try to have kids to save your relationship. Don't ever make your children feel like your relationship is in anyway their responsibility. Again, they need their world to make sense and if you're fighting they're probably going to assume it's somehow their fault. Don't do that to them.

Anyway, this rant turned out a lot longer than I intended but I think I needed to say it. In summary, raising children is not about you but your going to make it about you unless you take care of your own shit first. Children don't ask to be born. If you're not ready for that responsibility, either don't have kids or put in the work so that you will be. If you already have kids, and don't have your shit together, there's still time but it's going to be harder and you might have to do some damage control from any traumas you may have already inflicted on your child, regardless of your intentions. If that's the case, you have a responsibility to get your kid the help they need and do everything in your power to avoid further harm. You're the adult in this situation, and if you're going to be a parent, you need to act like it.

#parenting #emotionally immature parents #childhood trauma #parenting advice #personal rant #personal growth #original post

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cryptic-michael · 4 years

Text

In The Heights from... In The Heights

[USNAVI:] Lights up on Washington Heights, up at the break of day I wake up and I got this little punk I gotta chase away Pop the grate at the crack of dawn, sing While I wipe down the awning Hey y'all, good morning

[PIRAGUA GUY:] Ice cold piragua! Parcha. China. Cherry. Strawberry. And just for today, I got mamey!

[USNAVI:] Oye, piragüero, como estas?

[PIRAGUA GUY:] Como siempre, Señor Usnavi.

[USNAVI:] I am Usnavi and you prob'ly never heard my name Reports of my fame are greatly exaggerated Exacerbated by the fact that my syntax Is highly complicated ‘cuz I emigrated From the single greatest little place in the Caribbean: Dominican Republic! I love it!

Jesus, I’m jealous of it And beyond that Ever since my folks passed on I haven’t gone back Goddamn, I gotta get on that…

Fo! The milk has gone bad, hold up just a second Why is everything in this fridge warm and tepid? I better step it up and fight the heat 'Cuz I’m not makin’ any profit if the coffee isn’t light and sweet!

[ABUELA CLAUDIA:] Ooo-oo!

[USNAVI:] Abuela, my fridge broke. I got café but no “con leche.”

[ABUELA CLAUDIA:] Try my mother’s old recipe: one can of condensed milk.

[USNAVI:] Nice.

[ABUELA CLAUDIA:] Ay! Paciencia y fe…

[USNAVI:] That was Abuela, she’s not really my “abuela,” But she practically raised me, this corner is her escuela Now, you’re prob'ly thinkin: “I’m up shit’s creek! I’ve never been north of Ninety-Sixth Street!” Well, you must take the A Train Even farther than Harlem to northern Manhattan and maintain Get off at 181st, and take the escalator I hope you’re writing this down, I’m gonna test ya later

I’m getting tested; times are tough on this bodega Two months ago somebody bought Ortega’s Our neighbors started packin’ up and pickin’ up And ever since the rents went up It’s gotten mad expensive But we live with just enough

[COMMUNITY:] In the heights I flip the lights and start my day There are fights

[WOMEN:] And endless debts

[MEN:] And bills to pay

[COMMUNITY:] In the Heights I can’t survive without café

[USNAVI:] I serve café

[COMMUNITY:] 'Cuz tonight seems like a million years away! En Washington…

[USNAVI:] Next up to bat, the Rosarios They run the cab company, They struggle in the barrio See, their daughter Nina’s off at college, tuition is mad steep So they can’t sleep Everything they get is mad cheap!

[KEVIN:] Good morning, Usnavi!

[USNAVI:] Pan caliente, café con leche!

[KEVIN:] Put twenty dollars on today’s lottery

[CAMILA:] One ticket, that’s it!

[KEVIN:] Hey! A man’s gotta dream…

[CAMILA:] Don’t mind him, he’s all excited 'Cuz Nina flew in at 3 A.M. last night!

[KEVIN:] Don’t look at me, this one’s been cooking all week!

[CAMILA:] Usnavi, come over for dinner

[KEVIN/CAMILA:] There’s plenty to eat!

[DANIELA:] So then Yesenia walks in the room…

[CARLA:] Aha..

[DANIELA:] She smells sex and cheap perfume!

[CARLA:] Uh oh..

[DANIELA:] It smells like one of those trees That you hang from the rear view!

[CARLA:] Ah, no!

[DANIELA:] It’s true! She screams, “Who’s in there with you, Julio?” Grabs a bat and kicks in the door He’s in bed with José from the liquor store!

[CARLA/USNAVI:] No me diga!

[USNAVI:] Daniela and Carla, from the salon.

[DANIELA/CARLA:] Thanks, Usnavi!

[USNAVI:] Sonny, you’re late.

[SONNY:] Chillax, you know you love me.

[USNAVI:] Me and my cousin runnin’ just another dime-a-dozen Mom-and-pop stop-and-shop And, oh my god, it’s gotten Too darn hot, like my man Cole Porter said People come through for a few cold waters and A lottery ticket, just a part of the routine Everybody’s got a job, everybody’s got a dream They gossip, as I sip my coffee and smirk The first stop as people hop to work Bust it… I’m like:

“One dollar, two dollars, one fifty, one sixty-nine. I got it. You want a box of condoms? What kind? That’s two quarters. Two quarter waters. The New York Times. You need a bag for that? The tax is added.” Once you get some practice at it You do rapid mathematics automatically Sellin’ maxipads, fuzzy dice for taxicabs and practically Everybody’s stressed, yes! But they press through the mess, Bounce checks and wonder what’s next

[COMMUNITY 1:] In the heights I buy my coffee and I go

Set my sights On only what I need to know

In the heights Money is tight But even so

[COMMUNITY 2:] In the heights

I buy my coffee and… Set my sights

What I need to know In the heights Money is tight

Even so

[COMMUNITY:] When the lights go down I blast my radio!

[BENNY:] You ain’t got no skills!

[USNAVI:] Benny!

[BENNY:] Yo, lemme get a..

[USNAVI:] Milky Way

[BENNY:] Yeah, lemme also get a..

[USNAVI:] Daily News..

[BENNY:] And a..

[USNAVI:] Post..

[BENNY:] And most important, my..

[USNAVI:] Boss’ second coffee, one cream..

[BOTH:] Five sugars

[BENNY:] I’m the number one earner..

[USNAVI/SONNY:] What?!

[BENNY:] The fastest learner..

[USNAVI/SONNY:] What?!

[BENNY:] My boss can’t keep me on the damn back burner!

[USNAVI:] Yes, he can

[BENNY:] I’m makin’ moves, I’m makin’ deals, but guess what?

[USNAVI:] What?

[BENNY/SONNY:] You still ain’t got no skills!

[USNAVI:] Hardee-har

[BENNY:] Yo, Vanessa show up yet?

[USNAVI:] Shut up!

[BENNY:] Hey little homie, don’t get so upset

[USNAVI:] Man…

[BENNY:] Tell Vanessa how you feel, buy the girl a meal On the real, or you ain’t got no skills

[VANESSA:] Nooo! No no nooo! No no nooo, no-no-no! Nooo, no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no-no! Mr. Johnson, I got the security deposit It’s locked in a box in the bottom of my closet It’s not reflected in my bank statement But I’ve been savin’ to make a down payment and pay rent No, no, I won’t let you down…

[BENNY:] Yo, here’s your chance; ask her out right now!

[VANESSA:] I’ll see you later, we can look at that lease!

[BENNY:] Do somethin’, make your move, don’t freeze!

[USNAVI:] Hey!

[VANESSA:] You owe me a bottle of cold champagne!

[USNAVI:] Are you moving?

[VANESSA:] Just a little credit check and I’m on that downtown train!

[USNAVI:] Well, your coffee’s on the house

[VANESSA:] Okay!

[BENNY:] Usnavi, ask her out

[SONNY:] No way!

[VANESSA:] I’ll see you later, so…

[BENNY:] Oooh… Smooth operator, aw, damn, there she goes! Yo, bro, take five, take a walk outside! You look exhausted, lost, don’t let life slide! The whole hood is struggling, times are tight And you’re stuck to this corner like a streetlight!

[USNAVI:] Yeah, I’m a streetlight, chokin’ on the heat The world spins around while I’m frozen to my seat The people that I know all keep on rollin’ down the street But every day is different so I’m switchin’ up the beat

'Cuz my parents came with nothing, they got a little more And sure, we’re poor, but yo, at least we got the store And it’s all about the legacy they left with me, it’s destiny And one day I’ll be on a beach with Sonny writing checks to me

[COMMUNITY:] In the Heights, I hang my flag up on display

[USNAVI:] We came to work and to live and we got a lot in common

[COMMUNITY:] It reminds me that I came from miles away

[USNAVI:] D.R., P.R., we are not stoppin’

[COMMUNITY:] In the Heights Ooh..

In the Heights I’ve got today!

[ABUELA CLAUDIA:] Every day, paciencia y fe

[USNAVI:] Until the day we go from poverty to stock options

[USNAVI:] And today’s all we got, so we cannot stop This is our block!

[COMMUNITY:] In the Heights I hang my flag up on display

[PIRAGUA GUY:] Lo le lo le lo lai lai lo le!

[COMMUNITY:] It reminds me that I came from miles away

[USNAVI/PIRAGUA GUY/NEIGHBORS:] My family came from miles away…

[COMMUNITY:] In the Heights It gets more expensive every day

[USNAVI/PIRAGUA GUY/WOMEN/MEN:] Every day

[COMMUNITY:] And tonight is so far away…

[USNAVI:] But as for mañana, mi pana Ya gotta just keep watchin’

[USNAVI:] You’ll see the late nights You’ll taste beans and rice The syrups and shaved ice I ain’t gonna say it twice

[BENNY/GRAFFITI PETE/MEN:] Late nights! Beans and rice! Shaved ice! Say it twice!

[COMMUNITY:] In the Heights! In the Heights! In the Heights!

[USNAVI:] So turn up the stage lights We’re takin’ a flight To a couple of days in the life of what it’s like

[ALL:] In Washington Heights!

(sorry this is so long)

#I had to look this song up #But it's pretty good #submission

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prurientpuddlejumper · 5 years

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Min Skatt, a The Swede x Reader Smutfic [18+]

Summary: The Swede is an unpleasant man, who has been tormenting and extorting your brother over rent money. You hate him. But oh no, he's hot.

Min skatt - Norwegian, meaning "my treasure," or alternatively, "my tax." You know Thor means it in the tax sense. He loves you like he loves accounting spreadsheets.

Thor Gundersen is, without a doubt, an evil man. He exudes an unnatural calmness as he walks from the tavern tent back to the caboose car that served as his office and lodging, almost floating as he went, so little did he make any extraneous movements or expressions. In his long, black coat and pale skin, glowing even paler in the moonlight, he was a spectre of death. Your heart races as you watch him, keeping just out of sight.

You came to Hell on Wheels a few weeks ago at your brother’s invitation, to help him run his shop. He sold gear to the railroad workers—mainly boots and gloves, which were always wearing out, and various everyday wares. The letter he sent flatteringly wrote of your skill for mending, tailoring, and tracking inventory as the reasons he wanted you to come work with him, but you suspected it was more likely he had gambled all his profits away and was looking for an employee he wouldn’t have to pay.

These suspicions were confirmed nearly the moment you stepped off the train.

You found your brother’s tent, with your brother on the floor, and a tall stranger in the act of beating him. Your brother met your eyes and beamed with relief.

“Now, if you’ll hold on, Mr. Swede—if you’ll just turn around, you’ll see my kin has come with the money you’re owed, just as I promised!”

“Excuse me? I thought I came here so you could give me a job.”

The tall man gave your brother a final kick in the side, doubling him over in pain, and turned to face you with an obsequious smirk. “So you're the mysterious sibling?I was beginning to think you was a mere fiction to delay my payment, yes?” His sharp, intelligent eyes looked you up and down, as if examining a piece of merchandise. You feel hot under his gaze.

“Unfortunately, we are related.” Your fists clenched, “Now leave him the hell alone.”

“I will, as soon as I get what I am owed.”

“And who are you, exactly?”

“Just give him the money!” your brother coughed. You shot back a glare.

“I am head of security in this camp.”

“Of course you are,” you groaned. “That’s the way the world always is, isn’t it?—the fox guarding the henhouse.”

He growled under his breath. “I keep order for Mr. Durant. How I maintain that order not your concern. Ah, but we have not been properly introduced. They call me the Swede. Thor Gundersen.”

“So that accent’s Swedish?”

“I am from Norway, but no matter.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. The Norwegian.”

He smiled at this. You told him your name. He repeated it, rolling it over his tongue in a sensuous purr that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

“How much does he owe you?”

“Six dollars, plus interest.”

Your stomach dropped. That was nearly all the money you had. “I see. Well, you can continue hitting him, then.” You turned as if to leave.

The Swede chuckled, eyes glinting wickedly.

“Please, you can’t leave me like this! Think of mom!” your brother pleaded.

He was right. You couldn’t. Irresponsible as he was, he was family. And just like that, you were handing over your meager savings to some greasy-haired Scandinavian crook. As the bills passed from your hands to his, any allure you may have felt toward him was replaced by a cold, growing hatred, returned only by an equally cold smile. This was a calculator, not a man with a beating heart.

That was why you started watching him. Because he was dangerous, and somebody needed to keep tabs on him. That’s what you told yourself.

But every time you saw him, you couldn’t stop the excited tingling in your chest, no matter how hard you tried. Even when he returned to your brother’s shop each week to collect his toll, you looked forward to seeing his face—to your brief banter, his sharp wit, eventual threats, and ultimately, theft of your profits (and some merchandise, insolently plucked from the shelf as he exited). Somehow, every wicked thing he did only made him more charming.

Perhaps it was the way he always levied his threats against your brother, but tipped his hat politely to you. Being treated (relatively) kindly by a man who hated everyone made you wonder what he found so special about you. Or was his favor simply because you were the only person in camp to call him Norwegian?

One evening while you were spying him, you overheard him mention that he had been a prisoner of war in Andersonville, where he nearly died from starvation. Learning this softened your opinion of him even more. It broke your heart to think of him being so badly mistreated—despite his intimidating height, he was thin and fragile. Even those eyes, which had seemed emotionless, you now saw held the pain of what he couldn’t forget. Who was he before that experience? What sort of meek bookkeeper might he have been before cruelty hardened him? You wanted to meet that man. You wanted to hold him in your arms and protect him.

The tingling in your chest was becoming a fire.

Tonight, in the night air, you follow him. You trail him from the tavern all the way back to his caboose car, your heart pounding, blood singing in your ear, and open the door.

He stands in front of his accounting desk, wearing a look of surprise at your unannounced entrance.

“What is this?”

You can’t answer. You aren’t even sure what you’re doing. You want him. You need to touch him. The desire burns within you, overpowering any other thought.

“This is my private quarters. I ain’t hearing complaints tonight about how I handle debtors; take it up in the morning.”

“My brother and his dealings with you have nothing to do with this. This visit is of a personal nature.”

“Well?”

“I want you to court me,” you blurt out.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, if you want. Or I could… court you? If that’s proper? I… I would like to… initiate an amorous relationship… with you. If you’re interested.”

His head cocks to the side, and he stares as if you’ve gone mad. Then, with an, “Ah,” he chuckles. “A noble effort, but I'm afraid you won't pay off your brother's debts whoring yourself. It is not a form of currency I accept.”

Your cheeks blaze. “THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I just...” You take a step toward him and are reminded how very tall he is, “...have feelings for you. Unfortunately.”

His lips press together in a thin line and his eyes narrow. “Now that seems unlikely. What is this, then? Are you here to distract me, hmm? Let me guess—your brother sneaking around back now to catch me off guard for some sort of revenge?” he goes to the window and looks around, finding nothing. “No matter. I will figure it out.”

You heave a great, frustrated sigh. “Here!” you take his hand and press it to your throat. “Feel my pulse racing? I couldn’t fake that excitement. I am freaking out because I’m confessing my feelings.”

“Perhaps you are a nervous liar.”

“Oh, goddamn you.”

But he doesn’t remove his hand. It lingers there, warm and intimate. His thumb strokes the side of your neck, under your ear, and his eyes examine you with curiosity. You move even closer, shuddering with satisfaction as your bodies touch. His hand begins to travel downward. He reaches under your collar, and you gasp as he teases a nipple between his fingers. You weren’t expecting things to move this fast, but you don’t want him to stop. Swallowing hard, you help him undo your top, so it hangs open suggestively. He begins to kiss down your neck, sending shivers coursing down your spine, until his mouth finds your other nipple, and begins lightly tracing his tongue over it. You moan, and lean helplessly back against his desk, melting. You grab his head and hold him where you want him. “Harder,” you whisper.

“Demanding, hmm?” he sucks harder, giving you a nip that makes you cry out.

You find the bulge straining against the front of his pants and rub your palm against it through the fabric. He takes in a sharp breath, moving his hips with you for a fleeting moment, then pulls away from you, straightening up.

“Take your clothes off,” he orders, unfastening his collar. You obey.

Except for removing his vest and loosening his shirt, he doesn’t follow suit, and you feel exposed standing in this tightly enclosed rail car, naked, with his blue eyes observing every inch of your body. It’s almost like he’s looking at one of his accounting sheets, the way he stares, simultaneously cold and enraptured.

He pushes you back against the wall and kneels between your legs, his tongue cool against your hot skin, teasing you with light kisses everywhere but the place you yearn for it. You whimper, shifting your hips to get his mouth where you want, but the more you struggle, the farther he drifts. An impish smile stretches the corner of his lips.

Then all at once, his mouth closes over your arousal, swirling and circling his tongue around the sensitive cluster of nerve endings, licking and sucking it. You moan, letting the wall take your weight as you melt. You start rocking your hips into him, creating a rhythm, getting him to go deeper, but he grabs your thighs and pins them against the wall. The message is clear—he is in control. Even on his knees beneath you, he is not showing submission. He just wanted to taste you, to make you writhe under his tongue.

Being so helpless sends a chill of adrenaline through your body—wanting to squirm, wanting to direct him, but being completely at the mercy of the next warm flick of his tongue, and the nodding of his head between your legs. He starts to go faster, slipping a finger inside you, moving it in and out, in and out, spreading warmth through your lower body until your breathing is ragged and you are nearing your breaking point.

“Please… don’t stop,” you beg. “Faster...”

“Naughty, naughty… not so fast. You will finish when I tell you… when I decide you has earned it.”

“Nooo!” You buck your hips into him with a desperate whine, but he’s already pulled away. You walked through his door still holding onto some semblance of pride, but now you just wanted him more than anything. “How do I earn it?”

He licks his lips, grinning salaciously, wiping off the excess saliva on his sleeve cuff. He flips you, roughly pressing you up against the wood-slat walls, and you feel him unbuttoning his pants behind you. The tip of his cock presses against your entrance. “Let me fuck you, hmm?”

You nod eagerly.

He pushes inside, opening you, then pulls back, and pushes inside again, deeper this time. He’s much more gentle, careful, than you imagined. You can hear his steady breath shake with every inch gained, massaging your opening with shallow thrusts of his cock, reading in the tightness of your walls and the arching of your back when you’re prepared to take more of him, until finally his full length is buried inside you.

He pulls out one last time, and plunges inside you hard and sets a sharp, precise rhythm. You cry out at the sudden roughness, and you want more, rocking your hips to accentuate his pounding into you. His hand closes around your neck, thumb feeling the racing pulse that pounds in your ears. He leans over you, nipping your earlobe, shoulders, and the back of your neck, his hot breath tickling your skin. His long fingers creep up over your jaw and brush against your lips. A finger slips inside your mouth. You suck it, moaning as it gently explores your tongue.

“You want to come?” he asks, sounding less in control now, despite efforts to mask his hitched breathing.

“Please… please…”

He reaches between your legs and strokes your tender, throbbing flesh, which explodes in sensation at his touch. His hands seem to know exactly what you need to reach climax, now that he’s done holding back, and his persistent rhythm, coupled with the quickening thrusts of his hard length, filling and stretching you, brings you closer to the edge with each motion. His once-clockwork pace grows more frantic, desperate, slamming you into the wall until the car begins to shake, and you scream out. Surges of warmth radiate from the friction between you through your whole body, and even he loses control of his voice, letting out a passionate moan with every thrust, until he bites down hard on your shoulder, and you come, spasming and contracting around his impossibly hard cock. He plunges one last time as deep as he can go, and holds deep inside you, the rippling contractions of your orgasm milking every drop of seed from him, filling you with his warmth.

You pant together, sticky and spent, holding each other for a brief, tender moment. Then he pulls out quickly, without intimacy, and hurriedly crosses the room to fetch a couple of handkerchiefs from a drawer. “Don’t move!” he barks across the car. “Don’t drip on my floor.”

Your cheeks get hot as you become acutely aware of the fluids dribbling down your leg. “Hey, most of this is yours, you know!”

When he returns to hand you the rag, your eyes meet. He looks strangely stunned by you, as if suddenly realizing what just happened. His face is flushed and out of breath, and for once, he has no snarky quips. (It’s hard to remain composed when you’re standing with a handkerchief over your genitals in front of someone you barely know and just fucked.) He lowers his eyes shyly, but this only results in him looking at your naked body again. It’s adorable. You grab his face and pull him into a hard kiss. He wraps his arms around you, and kisses you back.

“Thank you for that,” you whisper when you finally separate, still close enough to feel his breath on your lips, and your foreheads touching.

“It was my pleasure.”

“Well then, Mr. Norwegian… Mr. Gundersen, um… Thor. Do you have any plans for the rest of the evening?”

“My schedule is open, min skatt,” he smiles.

#thor gundersen #the swede #hell on wheels #the swede x reader #christopher heyerdahl #gender-neutral reader #(at least I hope they read as gender neutral)#(I tried)#this took so much longer to write than my frankenstein fic lol #my writing #lemon #citrus

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popsiclebunny · 5 years

Text

Still suffering even after he’s gone

I’m still having a really, really hard time coping still lately. I’ve been feeling incredibly depressed, frustrated and really, REALLY angry non stop. We suffered terribly when our dad was alive (being mean, nasty, emotionally/verbally abusive AND dragging us down terribly financially because of his debts) AND now, we’re struggling even more than before.

Our dad left us absolutely NO BACKUP PLANS, NOTHING. Not even life insurance, i’ll never understand why he stopped making payments in 2015, when he started that insurance in 2014 :| I’ll never understand why he couldn’t just sit down and be like “okay, here’s what you guys need to know in case the worse of the worse happens to me” or “man, i really need to make sure i leave something behind to help my kids”. DAMN, fucking damn!

One BIG, REALLY BIG problem our dad LEFT for us, is his mothers well being. For 4 years, he has been taking care of her financially (without the help of his brother who initially said no to helping), our dad didn’t even leave any plans to how she could be cared for in his absence. AND NOW, it falls onto us to take care of the mom, WTF????? that should NOT be our responsibility!!!! Before our dad died he was behind on 3 weeks payments ($100 a week), so I had to scurry around to desperately find $300 to send to Jamaica, so that dads GF could send that money to the nurse looking after his mom. THIS IS NOT FAIR.

I am getting absolutely fed up with spending $100 a week to take care of some women we don’t even know! The GF even tells us that the nurse is really mad because of the constant late payments, in fact, shes only taking on this job to help pay for her families funeral, damn. But now, because we can’t afford $100 a week, we are behind on at least one week payment, always! Because of this, the nurse will be quitting at the end of this month. Dads GF wants to and has found a nursing home that’s closer to where she lives (that way she can check the mom). we are running out of money to save up for next months rent AND to pay bills and other stuff. The nursing home is $340 a month, okay, we still can’t afford that either :T

Look, I AM NOT MAD AT THE GF, shes doing her damn best to help us and make sure dads mom is being taken cared of, but there’s only so much we can do, and we can’t keep sending money every week, it’s not fair, it’s not right. But dads brother, when we finally got dads phones from the hospital last week, the GF was HOPEFUL, hoping that the brother would step up and take care of the mom... but from what she tells me, he has resented the mom since he was little, and now, he’s not returning her calls, or messages, nothing, he hasn’t talked to dad since last year, so he was SHOCKED to hear about his death. OK SO? HES OUR DAD, it affected us the MOST, but we still keep our heads on and started doing whatever we could to make sure we survived. I dont give a fuck about whatever hang ups he has about his mom, he needs to take over, because I am this close to telling the GF that we won’t be sending money anymore every week, I dont care if the mom goes homeless or gets abandon by the nurse, WE CANT SURVIVE LIKE THIS.

You guys have NO idea how upset and angry I am at my dad for leaving us a big ole mess, instead of leaving us backup plans to help us in tough times. People keep saying we’ll be okay, but we won’t, we barely can make any money to survive, and now we have to worry about taking care of some women we’ve never known or met, i dont care if its his mom, shes not our problem, BUT, if we dont send money every week, shes going to become homeless and abandoned by the nurse, i feel bad for her, but damn, idk what to do anymore.

#still kinda scared #hate him so much #we're suffering even more now #ANGRY #life really fucking hates us huh #fuck life #fuck everything

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donnies-fake-eyebrows · 5 years

Text

Announcement about commissions and personal life

Nothing too serious! I am safe and not being abuse but my living situation has gotten to a point where I need to start making/saving even more money in order to move out and have a big enough buffer if I dont have a job for like 6-9 months (thats how usually long it is to get hired around my area for some reason XD).

I will be keeping my commissions open from here on out with short closings when 4 slots are filled (my limit).

I am currently looking for a second job or at least a full time/better paying job than the one I currently have at my retail store. They cut our hours and might cut them even more (seriously they dont even call for a replacement when someone calls out like??? they arent offering any additional hours for me to work so im over here struggling lmao)

*under read more bc it gets more personal and long lol

So I live with my mother and disabled sister. I don’t pay rent/phone/food (although sometimes i pay for groceries but my mom is weird about that and fights me on that a lot) or wifi because honestly I help my mom with errands or help watch my sister (all that i’m happy to do honestly!) to make up for that but I pay for my car insurance/repair and gas plus some bills. I was lucky (and frugal enough + help from my mom) to not have any school debt (while paying for my masters out of pocket minus the little government help I got. the debt was a loan during my BA). So I am at a good place to save money (if i didnt loath living at my mom’s place so much lol)

My mom is unbearable to live with. I don’t want to go into detail but I want to just let you all know that I’m not in danger or being abuse but yea, it’s time I start thinking of moving out. My sanity and mental help are suffering (not to put me in danger but still). I have been saving for moving out already but now I need to make/save even faster bc im looking to move out RIGHT AWAY after my thesis stuff is over with. Like ideally a month later after I get the okay and get my master diploma lol!

I’m currently finishing up my thesis (hopefully by February) and don’t want to move during working on my thesis bc thats just stupid (if i was in danger that would be different) I dont know how much but I would like to have saved up at least 8000 in savings to have a buffer. (I have 4300 currently saved).

SO ANYWAYS (lol)

Like stated above I will be trying to keep my commissions open from here on out. I might branch out to other fandoms to increase traffic (ill fix the rates and commission pics to show that after this round lol). The pricing wont really change bc I feel like they are fair for my level. Hopefully I get a second job or at least one offering full time (hell even just 25-30 weekly which is part time but at least it aint 17-18 hours weekly >:( thanks store i work at) but yea until then this is the next best thing lol

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not donate to me if you do not have enough money for yourself!!! I am safe and can live with my mother so I do not need money asap!

If you just donate to me with no commission in mind I will greatly appreciate it (and would like to doodle you something for your generous donation!) but if you dont have money for yourself or anything like that i wouldnt want you to donate to me! Your support in rebloging my art/commission info is enough :)

Thank you all for your support and bless this fandom! you are all so kind and I appreciate all the comments on my art and reblogs/likes! It means a lot to me!

#commissions #annocement #important #my mom is unbearable to live with so it's time i get serious about saving even more money than before lol #ive live back at home for 4 yrs now while i went and paid for college hence why i dont have a lot saved up

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embersquared · 5 years

Text

This too shall pass...

I just want to tell whoever needs to hear this, that I does get better.

(Long post, but hopefully worth it)

12 years ago I was not in a great place. My family life wasnt absolutely terrible, but it wasnt great either. I was yet again the new kid (we moved a lot when i was younger), and with social anxiety and such, making friends was super difficult.

I eventually bonded with two of my classmates in band class and they were my friends through high school. While they had a few 'bad things' about them, they also helped me on the path I am today.

These two friends helped introduce me into the wonders of the internet. (10 years ago) They showed me this cat-sim site, and with a lot of time spent convincing my mom that these pixel cats would not make me violent or something, she let me join.

Fast-forward to 2012, I'm in college with my own computer and untapped amounts of anxiety and depression! I got into a dark place...like really dark. The one time I reached out for help, I was shut down...was told that I didn't know what I was thinking or feeling... That I actually felt "too much" when in reality, I hadn't really felt anything for several years. That was the last time I reached out for help.

A few years later, I graduated college and I was adrift. My first career choice I had given up on in college (bc I'm really bad at chemistry) and I had been interviewed and not hired in my back up career. I turned to the internet again, watching lots of YouTube and playing lots of minecraft.

My younger brother introduced me to a YouTube minecrafter, who also happened to play the Gmod game mode Prop Hunt. (Winter 2015/2016) The two of us got interested in the game and eventually downloaded it and played local games vs each other. Eventually we were bored of playing by ourselves, so we found a public server. This server is what turned a lot of things around for me.

I would get on every day and hang out with these people, my friends! I became a moderator then admin on this server and became quite close to several people. I began texting back and forth with several, talking about work and life in general. One person in particular I talked to a lot- both in game and over text. I actually started looking forward to waking up each day. We talked more and more and we actually found out we lived quite close (20 min away) and my brother had actually gone to the same school as them.

They asked me to be their S.O. and I agreed. We eventually met up (in a public space with people knowing where we were just in case). We hung out in person and online, and a change began to happen with me. I was happy, truly happy, not faking it for the first time in almost 8 years.

My parents were upset with me for my choice in my S.O., that I was a different person, that they barely knew who I was, and that they needed to set some boundaries (on my 23 years old self). Yes I was living in their house, but I paid for my own car, gas, car insurance, medical and vision care, owned my own computer, bought groceries, paid for their cat's vet bills, did chores around the house, drove errands for them, and much more. I told them that I was finally happy, they said that my depression was "really bad" a few months ago and they were trying to figure out how to approach me about it...like it wasn't bad when I was self harming in high school? And they didn't notice? Or when I reached out for help when I was in college? And I was shut down? No, it was only "really bad" when I found an online community that cared for me and a person who loved me for who I truly am. The person I had hidden for 10+ years bc I was the "good kid" I was the "preacher's daughter" that I had to "set an example" that I "represented our family"...I had had enough and was tired of the bullshit.

My brother was going away to college in the fall, and I had made a promise to myself, that night where I tried to get help, that I would stay for him until he went to college and then I was gone. So I left (August 2016). I'm not proud of how I did it, but I wouldnt change it now.

I got my own place, had no contact with my parents for three months, and learned a lot. I picked up a second job to pay for bills, I went into some credit card debt, but I was happy. I was free.

November after I left my parents, we reconnected. I went to dinner, made peace with them (for my brother's sake) and worked toward a new relationship.

I worked my ass off to pay my bills and rent, and I struggled, ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches and ramen, but I made it work. I was still with my loving S.O. and we fought our demons together. It took months for the nightmares to (almost) stop.

We dealt with a lot of stuff our first year together- living together, financial and legal issues, sickness, and a life-threatening injury. But we made it through amd are stronger bc of it. Our strongest bond is our communication, we talk things through and rarely have disagreements-and have yet to have a screaming match/fight.

I quit my one job 2 years ago next week, so I could advance in my current job. I have advanced 3 positions and am currently at my fourth location. I am making $11.80 than when I started and $9.22 more than I did at the job I quit.

I am much more confident and happy than I was a few years ago. I have the support of my S.O. and a semblance of a relationship with my parents. I am by no means finished progressing, but for now- I am content.

So next time you think there is no hope, or no reason to continue, look up and forward. Take one more step, because you never know where that step may take you.

#personal #outernet #text post #long post #life lessons #depression #self harm mention

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siramay-the-showgun-dragon · 6 years

Text

in the underground

ok so I got a idea as a musical parody maker (I made 37 parodies of musicals before this) ok so in the heights and undertale COMBINED I call it in the underground and here's the first song (also called in the underground) so here we go

[FRISK]

Lights up on Underground Heights, up at the break of day

I wake up and I got this little punk I gotta chase away

Pop the grate at the crack of dawn, sing

While I wipe down the awning

Hey y’all, good morning

[NICE CREAM GUY, spoken]

Ice cold piragua! Parcha. China. Cherry. Strawberry. And just for today, I got mamey!

[FRISK, spoken]

Oye, piragüero, como estas?

[NICE CREAM GUY, spoken]

Como siempre, Señor Frisk.

[FRISK]

I am Frisk and you prob’ly never heard my name

Reports of my fame are greatly exaggerated

Exacerbated by the fact that my syntax

Is highly complicated 'cuz I emigrated

From the single greatest little place in the Caribbean:

heartful Republic!

I love it!

Toby, I’m jealous of it

And beyond that

Ever since my folks passed on

I haven’t gone back

Goddarn, I gotta get on that...

Fo! The milk has gone bad, hold up just a second

Why is everything in this fridge warm and tepid?

I better step it up and fight the heat

'Cuz I’m not friskn' any profit if the coffee isn’t light and sweet!

[PADRE BRIM, spoken]

Ooo-oo!

[FRISK, spoken]

Padre, my fridge broke. I got café but no "con leche."

[PADRE BRIM, spoken]

Try my mother’s old recipe: one can of condensed milk.

[FRISK, spoken]

Nice.

[Frisk gives Padre Brim his lottery tickets, which he kisses and holds up to the sky.]

[PADRE BRIM, spoken]

Ay! Paciencia y fe…

[FRISK]

That was Padre, he’s not really my “padre,”

But he practically raised me, this corner is his escuela

Now, you’re prob’ly thinkin:

"I’m up spit’s creek!

I've never been north of Ninety-Sixth Street!”

Well, you must take the A Train

Even farther than Harlem to northern hotland and maintain

Get off at 181st, and take the escalator

I hope you’re writing this down, I’m gonna test ya later

I’m getting tested; times are tough on this bodega

Two months ago somebody bought Ortega’s

Our neighbors started packin’ up and pickin’ up

And ever since the rents went up

It’s gotten mad expensive

But we live with just enough

[COMMUNITY]

In the underground

I flip the lights and start my day

There are fights

[WOMEN]

And endless debts

[MEN]

And bills to pay

[COMMUNITY]

In the Underground

I can’t survive without café

[FRISK]

I serve café

[COMMUNITY]

'Cuz tonight seems like a million years away!

En Underground—

[FRISK]

Next up to bat, the Dreemurrs

They run the cab company,

They struggle in the barrio

See, their kid ralsei’s off at college, tuition is mad steep

So they can’t sleep

Everything they get is mad cheap!

[ASGORE]

Good morning, Frisk!

[FRISK]

Pan caliente, café con leche!

[ASGORE]

Put twenty dollars on today’s lottery

[TORIEL]

One ticket, that’s it!

[ASGORE]

Hey! A man’s gotta dream...

[TORIEL]

Don’t mind him, he’s all excited

‘Cuz Ralsei flew in at 3 A.M. last night!

[ASGORE]

Don’t look at me, this one’s been cooking all week!

[TORIEL]

Frisk, come over for dinner

[ASGORE/TORIEL]

There’s plenty to eat!

[BRATTY]

So then chuntera walks in the room—

[CATTY, spoken]

Aha…

[BRATTY]

She smells sex and cheap perfume!

[CATTY, spoken]

Uh oh…

[BRATTY]

It smells like one of those trees

That you hang from the rear view!

[CATTY, spoken]

Ah, no!

[BRATTY]

It’s true! She screams, “Who’s in there with you, ansem?”

Grabs a bat and kicks in the door

He’s in bed with rakku from the liquor store!

[CATTY/FRISK]

No me diga!

[FRISK, spoken]

Bratty and Catty, from the salon.

[BRATTY/CATTY]

Thanks, Frisk!

[FRISK, spoken]

Hoto, you’re late.

[HOTO, spoken]

Chillax, you know you love me.

[FRISK]

Me and my brother runnin’ just another dime-a-dozen

Mom-and-pop stop-and-shop

And, oh my god, it’s gotten

Too darn hot, like my man Cole Porter said

People come through for a few cold waters and

A lottery ticket, just a part of the routine

Everybody’s got a job, everybody’s got a dream

They gossip, as I sip my coffee and smirk

The first stop as people hop to work

Bust it— I’m like:

"One dollar, two dollars, one fifty, one sixty-nine.

I got it. You want a box of condoms? What kind?

That’s two quarters.

Two quarter waters. The New York Times.

You need a bag for that? The tax is added."

Once you get some practice at it

You do rapid mathematics automatically

Sellin’ maxipads, fuzzy dice for taxicabs and practically

Everybody’s stressed, yes!

But they press through the mess,

Bounce checks and wonder what’s next

[COMMUNITY 1]

In the underground

I buy my coffee and I go

Set my sights

On only what I need to know

In the underground

Money is tight

But even so

[COMMUNITY 2]

In the underground

I buy my coffee and—

Set my sights

What I need to know

In the underground

Money is tight

Even so

[COMMUNITY]

When the lights go down I blast my radio!

[KRIS]

You ain’t got no skills!

[FRISK]

Kris!

[KRIS]

Yo, lemme get a—

[FRISK]

Milky Way

[KRIS]

Yeah, lemme also get a—

[FRISK]

Daily News—

[KRIS]

And a—

[FRISK]

Post—

[KRIS]

And most important, my—

[FRISK]

Boss’ second coffee, one cream—

[BOTH]

Five sugars

[KRIS]

I’m the number one earner—

[FRISK/HOTO]

What?!

[KRIS]

The fastest learner—

[FRISK/HOTO]

What?!

[KRIS]

My boss can’t keep me on the darn back burner!

[FRISK]

Yes, he can

[KRIS]

I’m friskn’ moves, I’m friskn’ deals, but guess what?

[FRISK]

What?

[KRIS/HOTO]

You still ain’t got no skills!

[FRISK]

Hardee-har

[KRIS]

Yo, Chara show up yet?

[FRISK]

Shut up!

[KRIS]

Hey little homie, don’t get so upset

[FRISK, spoken]

Man...

[KRIS]

Tell Chara how you feel, buy the girl a meal

On the real, or you ain’t got no skills

[CHARA, speaking on the phone]

Nooo!

No no nooo!

No no nooo, no-no-no!

Nooo, no-no-no!

No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no-no!

Mr. Hato, I got the security deposit

It’s locked in a box in the bottom of my closet

It’s not reflected in my bank statement

But I’ve been savin’ to make a down payment and pay rent

No, no, I won’t let you down—

[KRIS]

Yo, here’s your chance; ask her out right now!

[CHARA]

I’ll see you later, we can look at that lease!

[KRIS]

Do somethin’, make your move, don’t freeze!

[FRISK]

Hey!

[CHARA]

You owe me a bottle of cold champagne!

[FRISK]

Are you moving?

[CHARA]

Just a little credit check and I’m on that downtown train!

[FRISK]

Well, your coffee’s on the house

[CHARA]

Okay!

[KRIS]

Frisk, ask her out

[HOTO]

No way!

[CHARA]

I’ll see you later, so…

[KRIS]

Oooh... Smooth operator, aw, darn, there she goes!

Yo, bro, take five, take a walk outside!

You look exhausted, lost, don’t let life slide!

The whole hood is struggling, times are tight

And you’re stuck to this corner like a streetlight!

[FRISK]

Yeah, I’m a streetlight, chokin' on the heat

The world spins around while I’m frozen to my seat

The people that I know all keep on rollin' down the street

But every day is different so I’m switchin’ up the beat

'Cuz my parents came with nothing, they got a little more

And sure, we’re poor, but yo, at least we got the store

And it’s all about the legacy they left with me, it’s destiny

And one day I’ll be on a beach with Hoto writing checks to me

[COMMUNITY]

In the Underground, I hang my flag up on display

[FRISK]

We came to work and to live and we got a lot in common

[COMMUNITY]

It reminds me that I came from miles away

[FRISK]

D.R., P.R., we are not stoppin’

[COMMUNITY]

In the Underground

Ooh

In the Underground

I’ve got today!

[PADRE BRIM]

Every day, paciencia y fe

[FRISK]

Until the day we go from poverty to stock options

[FRISK]

And today’s all we got, so we cannot stop

This is our block!

[COMMUNITY]

In the Underground

I hang my flag up on display

[NICE CREAM GUY]

Lo le lo le lo lai lai lo le!

[COMMUNITY]

It reminds me that I came from miles away

[FRISK/NICE CREAM GUY/NEIGHBORS]

My family came from miles away—

[COMMUNITY]

In the Underground

It gets more expensive every day

[FRISK/NICE CREAM GUY/WOMEN/MEN]

Every day

[COMMUNITY]

And tonight is so far away—

[FRISK]

But as for mañana, mi pana

Ya gotta just keep watchin’

[FRISK]

You’ll see the

late nights

You’ll taste

beans and rice

The syrups and

shaved ice

I ain’t gonna

say it twice

So turn up the stage lights

We’re takin’ a flight

To a couple of days

in the life of what it’s like

[MEN]

Late nights!

Beans and rice!

Shaved ice!

Say it twice!

[COMMUNITY]

In the Underground!

Ah!

[ALL]

In Underground Heights!

youtube

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yes-i-have-a-problem · 6 years

Text

In the Heights (Voltron In the Heights AU)

It’s not changed a lot, but names and some changes to fit the melody has been made. There will be bigger changes in the later scenes.

[LANCE]

Lights up on Washington Heights, up at the break of day

I wake up and I got this little punk I gotta chase away

Pop the grate at the crack of dawn, sing

While I wipe down the awning

Hey y’all, good morning

[PIRAGUA GUY, spoken]

Ice cold piragua! Parcha. China. Cherry. Strawberry. And just for today, I got mamey!

[LANCE, spoken]

Oye, piragüero, como estas?

[PIRAGUA GUY, spoken]

Como siempre, Señor Lance.

[LANCE]

I am Lance I guess you’ve prob’ly never heard my name

Reports of my fame are greatly exaggerated

Exacerbated by the fact that my syntax

Is highly complicated 'cuz I emigrated

From the single greatest little place in the Caribbean:

Dominican Republic!

I love it!

Jesus, I’m jealous of it

And beyond that

Ever since my folks passed on

I haven’t gone back

Goddamn, I gotta get on that...

Fo! The milk has gone bad, hold up just a second

Why is everything in this fridge warm and tepid?

I better step it up and fight the heat

'Cuz I’m not makin' any profit if the coffee isn’t light and sweet!

[ABUELO CORAN, spoken]

Ooo-oo!

[LANCE, spoken]

Abuelo, my fridge broke. I got café but no "con leche."

[ABUELO CORAN, spoken]

Try my uncle’s old recipe: one can of condensed milk.

[LANCE, spoken]

Nice.

[Lance give Abuelo Coran his lottery tickets, which he kisses and holds up to the sky.]

[ABUELO CORAN, spoken]

Ay! Paciencia y fe…

[LANCE]

That was Abuelo, he’s not really my “abuelo,”

But he practically raised me, this corner is his escuela

Now, you’re prob’ly thinkin:

"I’m up shit’s creek!

I've never been north of Ninety-Sixth Street!”

Well, you must take the A Train

Even farther than Harlem to northern Manhattan and maintain

Get off at 181st, and take the escalator

I hope you’re writing this down, I’m gonna test ya later

I’m getting tested; times are tough on this bodega

Two months ago somebody bought Ortega’s

Our neighbors started packin’ up and pickin’ up

And ever since the rents went up

It’s gotten mad expensive

But we live with just enough

[COMMUNITY]

In the heights

I flip the lights and start my day

There are fights

[WOMEN]

And endless debts

[MEN]

And bills to pay

[COMMUNITY]

In the Heights

I can’t survive without café

[LANCE]

I serve café

[COMMUNITY]

'Cuz tonight seems like a million years away!

En Washington—

[LANCE]

Next up to bat, it’s the Holt’s

They run the cab company,

They struggle in the barrio

See, their son Matt’s off at college, tuition is mad steep

So they can’t sleep

Everything they get is mad cheap!

[SAM]

Good morning, how are you?

[LANCE]

Pan caliente, café con leche!

[SAM]

Put twenty dollars on today’s lottery

[COLEEN]

One ticket, that’s it!

[SAM]

Hey! A man’s gotta dream...

[COLEEN]

Don’t mind him, he’s all excited

‘Cuz Matthew flew in at 3 A.M. last night!

[SAM]

Don’t look at me, this one’s been cooking all week!

[COLEEN]

You have to come over for dinner

[SAM/COLEEN]

There’s plenty to eat!

[SHIRO]

So then Nyma walks in the room—

[ADAM, spoken]

Aha…

[SHIRO]

She smells sex and cheap perfume!

[ADAM, spoken]

Uh oh…

[SHIRO]

It smells like one of those trees

That you hang from the rear view!

[ADAM, spoken]

Ah, no!

[SHIRO]

It’s true! She screams, “Who’s in there with you, Rolo?”

Grabs a bat and kicks in the door

He’s in bed with that guy from the liquor store!

[ADAM/LANCE]

No me diga!

[LANCE, spoken]

Shiro and Adam, from the salon.

[SHIRO/ADAM]

Thank you, Lance!

[LANCE, spoken]

Allura, you’re late.

[ALLURA, spoken]

Chillax, you know you love me.

[LANCE]

Me and my cousin runnin’ just another dime-a-dozen

Mom-and-pop stop-and-shop

And, oh my god, it’s gotten

Too darn hot, like my man Cole Porter said

People come through for a few cold waters and

A lottery ticket, just a part of the routine

Everybody’s got a job, everybody’s got a dream

They gossip, as I sip my coffee and smirk

The first stop as people hop to work

Bust it— I’m like:

"One dollar, two dollars, one fifty, one sixty-nine.

I got it. You want a box of condoms? What kind?

That’s two quarters.

Two quarter waters. The New York Times.

You need a bag for that? The tax is added."

Once you get some practice at it

You do rapid mathematics automatically

Sellin’ maxi pads, fuzzy dice for taxicabs and practically

Everybody’s stressed, yes!

But they press through the mess,

Bounce checks and wonder what’s next

[COMMUNITY 1]

In the heights

I buy my coffee and I go

Set my sights

On only what I need to know

In the heights

Money is tight

But even so

[COMMUNITY 2]

In the heights

I buy my coffee and—

Set my sights

What I need to know

In the heights

Money is tight

Even so

[COMMUNITY]

When the lights go down I blast my radio!

[HUNK/PIDGE]

You ain’t got no skills!

[LANCE]

Hey dude!

[HUNK]

Yo, lemme get a—

[LANCE]

Milky Way

[PIDGE]

Yeah, and lemme get a—

[LANCE]

Daily News—

[HUNK]

And a—

[LANCE]

Post—

[PIDGE]

And most important, my—

[LANCE]

Fathers’ second coffee, one cream—

[BOTH]

Five sugars

[PIDGE]

I’m the number one earner—

[LANCE/ALLURA/HUNK]

What?!

[PIDGE]

The fastest learner—

[LANCE/ALLURA/HUNK]

What?!

[PIDGE]

My dad can’t keep me on the damn back burner!

[HUNK]

Yes, he can

[PIDGE]

I’m makin’ moves, I’m makin’ deals, but guess what?

[LANCE]

What?

[HUNK/PIDGE/ALLURA]

You still ain’t got no skills!

[LANCE]

Hardee-har

[HUNK]

Yo, has Keith shown up yet?

[LANCE]

Shut up!

[HUNK]

Hey little homie, don’t get so upset

[LANCE, spoken]

Man...

[HUNK]

You should tell him how you feel, buy the guy a meal

On the real, or you ain’t got no skills

[KEITH, speaking on the phone]

Nooo!

No no nooo!

No no nooo, no-no-no!

Nooo, no-no-no!

No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no-no!

Mr. Ulaz, I got the security deposit

It’s locked in a box in the bottom of my closet

It’s not reflected in my bank statement

But I’ve been savin’ to make a down payment and pay rent

No, no, I won’t let you down—

[HUNK]

Yo, here’s your chance; ask him out right now!

[KEITH]

I’ll see you later, we can look at that lease!

[HUNK]

Do somethin’, make your move, don’t freeze!

[LANCE]

Hey!

[KEITH]

You owe me a bottle of cold champagne!

[LANCE]

Are you moving?

[KEITH]

Just a little credit check and I’m on that downtown train!

[LANCE]

Well, your coffee’s on the house

[KEITH]

Okay!

[HUNK]

Lance come on, ask him out

[ALLURA/PIDGE]

No way!

[KEITH]

I’ll see you later, so…

[HUNK]

Oooh... Smooth operator, aw, damn, there he goes!

Yo, bro, take five, take a walk outside!

You look exhausted, lost, don’t let life slide!

The whole hood is struggling, times are tight

And you’re stuck to this corner like a streetlight!

[LANCE]

Yeah, I’m a streetlight, chokin' on the heat

The world spins around while I’m frozen to my seat

The people that I know all keep on rollin' down the street

But everyday is different so I’m switchin’ up the beat

'Cuz my parents came with nothing, they got a little more

And sure, we’re poor, but yo, at least we got the store

And it’s all about the legacy they left with me, it’s destiny

And one day I’ll be on a beach with Allura writing checks to me

[COMMUNITY]

In the Heights, I hang my flag up on display

[LANCE]

We came to work and to live and we got a lot in common

[COMMUNITY]

It reminds me that I came from miles away

[LANCE]

D.R., P.R., we are not stoppin’

[COMMUNITY]

In the Heights

Ooh

In the Heights

I’ve got today!

[ABUELO CORAN]

Everyday, paciencia y fe

[LANCE]

Until the day we go from poverty to stock options

[LANCE]

And today’s all we got, so we cannot stop

This is our block!

[COMMUNITY]

In the Heights

I hang my flag up on display

[PIRAGUA GUY]

Lo le lo le lo lai lai lo le!

[COMMUNITY]

It reminds me that I came from miles away

[LANCE/PIRAGUA GUY/NEIGHBORS]

My family came from miles away—

[COMMUNITY]

In the Heights

It gets more expensive every day

[LANCE/PIRAGUA GUY/WOMEN/MEN]

Every day

[COMMUNITY]

And tonight is so far away—

[LANCE]

But as for mañana, mi pana

Ya gotta just keep watchin’

[LANCE]

You’ll see the

late nights

You’ll taste

beans and rice

The syrups and

shaved ice

I ain’t gonna

say it twice

So turn up the stage lights

We’re takin’ a flight

To a couple of days

in the life of what it’s like

[HUNK/LOTOR/MEN]

Late nights!

Beans and rice!

Shaved ice!

Say it twice!

[COMMUNITY]

In the Heights!

Ah!

[ALL]

En Washington Heights!

#nina in the heights #lin manuel miranda #vanessa in the heights #benny in the heights #sonny in the heights #usnavi in the heights #voltron au #lance mcclain #takahasi shirogane #keith kogane #adam voltron #pidge gunderson #katie holt #matt holt #sam holt #coleen holt #hunk garrett #coran #allura

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qqueenofhades · 6 years

Text

Mmmkay so it’s been A Week (From Hell) for various real life reasons and I keep trying to ignore it and do other things and surprisingly, this is... less than working. Anyway so, venting on the big blue hellsite is probably better than keeping it all in my head, because the anxiety + stress + general unfunness is pretty much tanking me right now. You are 0% obligated either to read this post or to do anything about it if you do, but yeah. There you have it?

(Rant about aforesaid shit below.)

Anyway so. I’ve mentioned the fact that I’m really close to submitting the first draft of my PhD dissertation, which is really cool and something that I’m definitely proud of. However, the finishing stress is basically The Worst and I am so exhausted because I’ve worked on this thing for literally three years now and I can barely summon up any desire to look at the damn thing, much less go through and do the final edits/etc before I send it off to my supervisors. I’m almost done and it’s close and there are like a few finicky things but... god I just can’t do it anymore? I just... am so done with it (as most PhD students are by this point) and can’t focus and don’t wantttt.

Plus, it will be submitted at the end of May, and because you have to allow two months for it to be read in the first instance, let alone any corrections etc after that, I will be graduating in December rather than July. This is... well, it is what it is and I can’t control that, and I want to do things properly and not half-ass it at the end, but it royally shits over my ability to apply for this year’s round of postdocs/early career fellowships/all the other bullshit roulette of applications that you have to do as an academic, because they basically want you to have the PhD in hand by September (when most of the deadlines are) and yeah, I won’t until December. So that basically fucks me out of a year of applications (I’ll see what I can do, but yeah), and pushes me back to where I can start looking for the next solid step. I’m essentially completely in limbo at the moment with zero certainty and no money and a shit ton of anxiety and nothing either secured or that I can really secure, and...

Yeah. The no money part. It’s been up and down for a while, because that’s just Da PhD student life, and my parents have helped out a lot over the last year, but for various reasons, including medical bills for my mom etc, they’re not really in a position to do that any more. I’m trying to be sensible about this but I’m basically also freaking out because I have enough money to pay like... one more month of rent (and maybe one bill after that) and then... zippo. I am working really hard trying to line up a summer job, but because I have work restrictions on my visa/am not a UK citizen, that is probably going to play havoc with who is willing to hire me (because Brexit! Take a shot). I have worked as much as I have been able over the last three years (teaching at the university + in the education outreach office + private tutoring), so it’s not like I have no UK work experience, but also even getting hired somewhere part-time may be a challenge. I can’t teach again until October, and even if I get two classes, that still leaves me with three months of... essentially zero income.

I am going to go to the university advice centre on Monday and basically explain my situation and see if they can point me in a useful direction, and make all other reasonable efforts to support myself. But I’m also just finishing a PhD dissertation and am ragged and exhausted and shot mentally, and this is just taking a lot of spoons to deal with (plus the imminent panic of probably being homeless...) so yeah. My parents are giving all this well-meant “just do your best!/things will work out!” advice and I am... well, I’ve had a complicated relationship with them, and it’s gotten a lot better, and as I said, they’ve done a lot for me already. But also I’m frustrated with them because WHAT I REALLY NEED IS MAYBE NOT TO BE FUCKING HOMELESS?? AND THAT WOULD BE NICE?? MAYBE??? ESPECIALLY TRYING TO FINISH A PHD AND REGRETTING ALL MY LIFE CHOICES TO GET INTO ACADEMIA BECAUSE IT’S TOTAL SHIT AND I WON’T GET AN APPOINTMENT ANYWHERE AND AM CLEARLY AN IDIOT AND...

(whoof okay. I just had to get that off my chest, apparently.)

I absolutely HATE having to ask people for anything, especially with things like money. I’ve had to do it a few times before, and the “you’re a burden”/”you’re greedy”/”you’re not working enough”/”you don’t deserve to be helped this much” voices are real, and it sucks. Because I’ve been working as much as I possibly can, and it never feels like enough, and I’ve had ten years of bad or at least very iffy mental health that is a struggle to live with, and it’s... anyway. I’ve spent this entire week basically crashing and trying to distract myself and do fannish stuff to keep my mind off it, and I’ve done a few things like look into options and apply for jobs and etc. There’s MAYBE the possibility of yet another student loan (I mean what the hell, I’ll be in debt until I die, what does it matter?) but that also involves having to ask people to be involved in it, and feeling like I’ve already asked enough, and...I honestly don’t know. It would be tricky as a PhD non-citizen student. I’ll try it if I have to, but... again, it’s so much extra stress and it’s just feeling incredibly, incredibly overwhelming and like I can see no path to the end of the year with my sanity and general basic everyday life intact. I’ve also applied for some other things that have not worked out, and some things that I was hoping would come through didn’t, and....

... Anyway. Well. I have a kofi account if you wanna toss some pennies at me, a patreon, and I also have a paypal. I don’t want to give that out publicly since it’s linked to my institutional email, but I can give it privately. Again, I hate, hate that being the fact, but...also, I have to try everything that I can think of, and I like to think I’m someone whose stuff is generally enjoyed, so there’s that.

If you read to the end of this, bless you. Have a cookie.

#hilary for ts #personal #school stuff #real life shit

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steveandtorixinthemiddle · 3 years

Photo

Steve, Tori, and X in the Middle

Hello and Welcome to our new blog (If I’m being completely honest, I will probably be the one posting the most) about the next adventure in our lives. I suppose we should introduce ourselves. Let’s start with Steve because he’s the funny one.

Who is Steve? Well he has been a construction worker in various fields for most of his adult life. In 2011 he discovered Wii golf, which got him interested in the actual game. At first it was just playing on his PS3, but eventually we were able to find a decent set of second-hand clubs meant for a lefty. The first time he came home from the golf course (after what he described as the most horrible round in history) he was grinning from ear to ear and happier than I had seen him in a long time. He said he didn’t get remotely close to par, but he’d enjoyed himself immensely. He has gotten better but says he will never be a pro.

Steve is funny. I mean gut-splitting, spit milk out your nose, pee your pants funny. Most of his quiet little comments go unnoticed by those who don’t know him, and they are missing a lot of laughs because of it. He has bought nearly every stuffed animal I own (and I own a lot of them, mostly ladybugs) because he enjoys making other people smile. Okay, mostly me.... Then again, he also worked two jobs to put me through college, so you have to know he’s a good guy.

Funnily enough, people actually think Steve looks a little scary. I don’t usually see it though. I see a big teddy-bear, or a really goofy guy who just wants to have fun. Sometimes I accuse him of being a ten-year-old in the body of a grown man (I guess like BIG) because he loves fart jokes and many of the other things every boy I’ve ever known has liked. This man used to sit down and watch a couple hours of Sponge Bob when our son was small. He watches Red Green, Monty Python, Mythbusters, and the Mel Brooks movies and wishes he could do something like that.

Now me, I suppose. Well, I’m in my late thirties, but sometimes feel three times my age. I haven’t had an easy life (who has?) and my body is feeling it. In 2017 I had a pretty bad fall that resulted in lingering pain for years. Pain so bad that I couldn’t even walk. We had no medical insurance at the time (we were poor, but not poor enough, and living in SC, a state that didn’t take kindly to the ACA), which meant that the injury went untreated, even undiagnosed.

If the physical injury wasn’t enough (it really was if you ask me), the meds that they gave me to treat my PTSD were late a couple times. It was a medication with a warning I was never given. Occasionally someone will withdrawal from certain medications in such a way that it causes damage. This particular withdrawal caused me to have seizures, brain zaps (which can only be described as electricity zipping through your head every time you move it, or even your eyes) and suicidal thoughts so severe my husband had to take several days off work just to sit with me.

All totaled I was trapped mostly in bed or in a wheelchair. I was depressed and anxious. My PTSD was worse than ever. I was feeling hopeless and alone all the time, and I honestly wasn’t sure if there was any reason to keep going. I would have really great days, when I was able to get my wheelchair down the ramp, take the bus to the store, even see my friends. And then there would be days when my hip would lock and I would fall down.

After a fall I could usually expect to be trapped for days in my bed, in unending pain, and mostly alone as my husband had to work, walk the dog, take care of me, do all of the household chores, and literally everything else. My only contribution to our life was using the phone to pay bills and make cigarettes. I felt like I was a burden to my husband. It just got worse and worse and I didn’t see an end.

It’s interesting what life gives you sometimes. One afternoon, when I couldn’t find any inspiration for a fanfiction story I was working on, I started looking on YouTube for anything that would keep me entertained. As I was scrolling through, I saw a video from Trent & Ally (Experienced Van Builder Creates Masterpiece (4k) Van Tour). When the video ended I remember thinking, ‘if I’m going to be stuck in bed all the time, I wish it moved.’ I had no hope of having “van-life” adventures. Not with my health so bad, or with my mental health not much better. Still, it gave me something to dream about.

Then one day my husband sat down in his chair across from the bed, looked me in the eye, and said “we’re going back to Maine.” He’d had enough of seeing me suffer. So, we came back to Maine. It didn’t work out the way we planned. We had to leave our dog Chyko with my cousin (his original owner, who had raised him from a pup) and his family and take the train and a bus to get there, which meant leaving almost everything behind for the second time (we’d done that when we moved to SC after I found my mom).

Almost immediately after getting to Maine we were able to rent a lot with an old trailer on it (1972) not far from Steve’s brother. Right after moving in, I applied for Maine Care, which is Maine’s version of Medicaid. After a while, with the proper medication and a LOT of hard work, I started to get better. First it was just walking from the bedroom to the kitchen. Then I wasn’t staying in bed all day anymore, I would sit at the table. After a while I was walking several times a day from one end of the trailer to the other.

You should have seen my husband’s face when I told him I was going to walk to the store for the first time. I actually thought he might cry. He walked beside me the whole way, telling me over and over how proud he was of me and grinning from ear to ear as he “showed me off” to the people of the town he had grown up in.

It’s funny the way things happen. Covid shut down the country. More and more I wanted out of my house. I took over walking the dogs (who we adopted from Steve’s brother when they moved to a place that wouldn’t allow dogs) twice a day. I started going out with my sister-in-law to stores and walking through them, first in my walker, and more recently on my own two feet with absolutely no help!

Over the past year I have gotten stronger. I will never be where I was before. I will never walk 23 miles with a toddler on my back again (yes, I did that once). I won’t be skydiving, or cliff jumping, or any of the major things I wish I could have tried at least once when I was young enough to survive (he he he). Still, I have a lot of life ahead of me. I’m glad my husband didn’t let me give up.

And now we are preparing for our next adventure. We are going to buy a shuttle bus and turn it into our home on the road. We have several reasons for this. One of those reasons is to pay off all of my outstanding medical bills. I literally owe so much that if I keep paying at my current rate it will take me 417.8 years to finish. So in part, I suppose this is about making sure we don’t leave that debt to our son.

There are other reasons though. One of them is that I would dearly love to meet a few of the couples/families/individuals I began following on YouTube over the past three years. Another reason is because we will never be able to afford a retirement on what my husband makes working in a grocery store (which was his only option after moving here) and we need to go where the work is. We also want to see the country, find out who we are now that “mom and dad” aren’t our biggest titles anymore, and to keep us both active and healthy.

(Okay, and because someone told me I couldn’t do it and I’ve never been able to resist proving people wrong when they say that, so long as I actually WANT to do it).

I’m sort of hoping my husband can put together a show of his own, that people actually enjoy watching on YouTube. Sort of a mix bag kind of show that brings in elements from his favorite shows and movies that really speak to us both. We would love to make videos about how and where to fish, or how to get a fishing license in a state other than your own. I’d even like to do my own short segment, sort of like what Mariah Alice does in her videos. Just talking about what I’m feeling, and why. Figuring out where I go from here.

And... both of us want to help others in our situation (low income) make a go of the life. We watched, horrified, over the last year as more and more people lost everything to wild-fires, floods, even evictions. We want to make it possible for other people to take their homes on the road with them. We want to help families who are really struggling figure out what to do next. And we want to really join in the community (which will be hard with my social anxiety, but not impossible).

Mostly, I think we just want to live while we still have time. I’m done existing. I want to really enjoy what is left of my life. And I want to keep getting better. If I am ever going to check off the last item on my bucket list (WALKING the full length of the Appalachian Trail) then I need to get much stronger than I am now.

As for who is traveling with us...

The young Marine in the picture is our son, Tim, who has made us incredibly proud. He lives on base and seems to be doing very well. I wish he would call more, but what can I say, he’s an adult now and deserve the right to start his life, not keep his mom worry-free. He won’t be traveling with us, unless he decides to visit when he can build up some leave time.

If you look at the picture of me lying on the couch covered in dogs however, you will meet Madison (a twelve year old pitt mix) who we adopted from Steve’s brother. She is sweet and affectionate, but tends to bark at strangers and friends alike (you can only tell the difference by the beating your knees take from her tail). Beside her is Avalanche, her son, whose name fits him perfectly. His father was mostly lab, which shows. He is super affectionate, and if he doesn’t get my attention he will put his paws on my leg and lick me half to death until he does.

Both our dogs tend to bark when there are strangers around, though we are trying to get them into the habit of only giving one bark, to warn us. Unfortunately it is a bit more difficult to retrain older dogs, so it hasn’t been as easy as it was with retraining Chyko. Thankfully neither of them have huge health issues, but Madison is getting older. We’re hoping that since she isn’t full-blood pitt she will live a little longer than it says online.

Our plan is to stay in Maine during the summers, except perhaps an occasional trip, and mostly travel in the fall, winter, and spring. We do want to avoid the heat (mostly because my husband is afraid I will go supernova and take half a state with me if I get too hot), but we really want to see our son and visit with our other family down south, but then we will probably follow the weather to avoid costs associated with heating or cooling.

Right now we are just at the beginning. We’ve only just made the decision and haven’t even gotten our shuttle bus yet (though we are looking for the right one). We are gathering the supplies we will need to start. We plan to live in the bus during most of the build. Basically we have to do the insulation and redo the floor, walls, and ceiling of the bus before we build out anything, but the whole idea of hooking up the solar terrifies me and makes my husband a bit nervous too, so we will probably wait on everything but a little Jackery until we really know more.

We’ve been watching hundreds of YouTube videos a week for the past two weeks! We have a list of the things we NEED, and the things we want. Right now we are focused on needs first. Things like the ability to cook and wash dishes and have light at night. There is so much more to do, and it will probably be fall before we even get on the road in a barely renovated bus.

We might be crazy. We probably are. A least a little insane. Still, if that crazy makes us happy, gets us out of debt, lets us figure out who we are now, and enables us to see friends and family we dearly love and miss, then I’ll take a bit of that crazy any day of the week.

#bus life #bus build #travel #new adventure #change #getting out of debt #empty nest

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