#like i know it basically stems from the fact it was easier for me to get an A in STEM classes while putting in minimal effort
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Every time I read classic books I feel this pressure to enjoy them, and I just...never do? I can appreciate why they're important or influential for their time, and I appreciate that they exist, but...I just don't enjoy the style? Like they tend to be very repetitive and they have a lot of scenes that frankly...don't do anything to move the story forwards. The kinds of things that today would get the story tossed aside by publishers.
And obviously I'm not saying it is bad writing, because again--different time period. Different style. But I wish I could be completely comfortable saying I just don't enjoy those books. For me personally, reading them is often more effort than what I get out of them. And sometimes I will read them anyways because I want to understand references people make to them in other books or media, but at the end of the day they don't bring me joy like modern books or fanfiction do and I think that's okay.
#kayla rambles#i actually do think if i was reading them in a school setting i would enjoy it more#like. i like learning about what a book says about the people of the time period it was written in#but at the same time i hated being forced to analyze things for a grade#i liked learning the opinions other people had on it but i always had this idea in my head that i sucked at analysis--i still have that tbh#i shy away from trying to analyze things i DO enjoy because i just have this idea other people will do it better than me#and sometimes i just don't want to analyze things! which is also okay! but kasjdbsbjf i still feel like it's a shortcoming sometimes idk#and it's annoying i still can't get over this#like i know it basically stems from the fact it was easier for me to get an A in STEM classes while putting in minimal effort#and english--even though i did mostly get As--always felt like a struggle. it always felt like i was missing something crucial#but ironically when i took literature in grade 12--it was an elective class at my school--it was one of my fave classes ever#probably because my teacher was an atheist lesbian and i fucking adored her#she told us on like day 1 she was trying to read the bible so she could understand symbolism in other works better 😂#and she was frankly just a badass lmao#but she also taught it from the lens of what literature said about the people of the time#she brought history and linguistics into everything and she made it feel real#god if she could have taught me english class throughout high school maybe i wouldn't have cared as much about the grade
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Heylo, I don’t know if you answer to personal relationship questions. I have recently stumbled to your account and I really love your content and I would love your advice on this.
I have recently realised I am not comfortable around masculine energy. I mean I always knew but I thought I had a progress and like I would want a relationship with a guy with healthy masculine energy. Turns out, being around masculine energy still scares me and I just don’t know what to do. How to overcome this uneasiness?
Hmm. I used to be the same way. I’m not sure if my story will resonate with you but see if it helps.
Growing up I wasn’t the beautiful friend. I was the chubby, spectacled, shy girl with a stutter. It took me a while to get myself sorted and feel confident.
But as a result, guys never really paid attention to me till I turned about 16-17. Which, for a girl, is pretty late considering that my friends were all dating boys since 11-12 (not like it even counts but basically the fact their crushes reciprocated their feelings and mine never did was a bit … crushing).
This meant that I began dating boys, that very frankly, didn’t deserve me. I began dating boys who were ready to “settle” for me because I thought I could never get the guys I wanted anyway. Or I began dating guys I would have the upper hand with; as in, I knew they liked me more and I could leave the relationship anytime. I know it sounds psychotic.
Confident guys made me nervous. Even as I grew older, lost all that weight, grew my hair out till my waist, learned how to use make up, got a dermatologist, went to speech therapy and became objectively 100x more attractive, I still felt like that “ugly” 12 year old on the inside even if i showed a very confident front. As my confidence had grown in another aspects of my life, my career, hobbies, academics were good - but men still made me nervous.
I realised that the problem was with me.
The fact that I dated men “below” my level showed what I thought of my own self, what I thought I truly deserved.
My fear stemmed from the fact of never being good enough for a man, not being beautiful enough, smart enough, fun enough. All these other girls were so seamlessly confident and I seemed to only have the fake kind of confidence.
True confidence can be spotted from a mile away.
Here’s what helped me. I began focusing on myself and began cultivating healthy platonic relationships with good men. I can never date these guys but they’re like my family now.
I think what made me sort of wary of confident, healthily masculine men was that their sense of identity was very strong. They knew what they liked and didn’t like, they knew who they were, they weren’t afraid to say what was on their mind. The last guy I was seeing projected exactly this and in that relationship (it was healthy, ended for other reasons) I felt very comfortable in my feminine. Which he was equally appreciative of. But I still felt not good enough.
You need to essentially develop friendships with men. Don’t look at them as creatures from other planets. Talk to them, make them your friend. Men are much more easier to befriend than women in my opinion - I’m always more conscious of myself around women than men. (that doesn’t mean that i don’t like being friends with women; I love my girlfriends, I feel it’s harder to impress a woman than a man).
At the same time, work on your confidence and try to figure out the root cause of why exactly you feel so uncomfortable.
Here’s another post that I had written about this topic.
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Writeblr Intro circa 2024
Hi writeblr!! Sooo, I've been around here since about 2014. (Yes, I am ancient.) However, I've been dormant for the past 4-5 years. Blame college and a brief stint on Twitter. Now that I'm active again, I thought I should make an updated writeblr intro so ppl know my Deal. Basically, I want to engage with other folks who write fiction (esp original SF), and that's a little easier if I have a clear post that outlines what I do. Here to make connections and hear about your blorbos :)
About me
Hi, I'm Vee! They/them, 23, 💖 🤍 🧡
I do journalism/comms in western New York
My literary jam is feminist/adult SF and gothic lit (OG or modern) 🥀 ⚔️ 🌙
Enthusiastic about gay people, body horror, and sociopolitical allegories
I cook, run, play tabletop games, and occasionally draw. Other than that, I'm mostly writing (for work and for fun)
If you were on pre-2020 writeblr, you likely know me from my eight billion daily tag games. (I still like tag games and appreciate u for tagging me. I have also gained adult responsibilities and better mental health, so I respond very slowly now. <3)
Always happy to get asks or dms, tho as I've noted: I may reply slowly.
Sometimes open to beta read! I only read one longer project at a time, but it's always super fun :)
I tag very consistently – happy to tag triggers for followers/moots
Fun fact: I love mushroom hunting and worked as a mycology TA. #cottagecoreera 🍄 🧚♀️ 🌱
About my creative writing
I write,,,, feminist/adult SF with gothic leanings (surprise!)
Longform and short! Trying to do more short writing this year, and I'll likely share a bit on Tumblr. It's easier to clip a short story than a 150k novel, god bless.
The Aesthetic: moral g(r)ays, Victoriana, androids/cyborgs, Women™, monstrous femininity, incessant Hamlet/Frankenstein motifs, extremely boring socioeconomic worldbuilding, evil queens and/or dilfs, psychosexual witchcraft, probably a cat. Also, an ominous, plot-relevant letter laced with anthrax from your unhinged and brilliant ex-wife. Open if you dare.
Major projects
I'm going to be writing some short work this year, but these are the longer projects that I have going in the background. If I reblog blorbo-related text posts, they probably have something to do with these.
Let me know if you want to be added to any project-specific taglists 😎
Heart of Lead – Series
The big one
Perpetually evolving
Never ceasing
Pls send help I can't stop adding shit
5-book gothic fantasy epic that I'll definitely publish one day but probably no time soon! My bastard child, my wicked firstborn, my greatest love <3
Character-oriented political drama set in a pseudo-Victorian, dystopian oligarchy where everyone's heart is made out of metal. It's about coming of age and discovering queer identity in a world that is absolutely fucked. God is an extraterrestrial lesbian who gives ppl very traumatizing magic powers. There are cyborgs, shapeshifters, and morally gray women in STEM. It's tight as fuck idk what else what to tell u.
Book 1 is about achillean monarchists, and book 2 is about sapphic anarchists. There are only two genders, I guess.
At this point, I've drafted most of the books at least once. Working to refine a lot of raw material atm!
Tag: "heart of lead tag" or "hol tag"
Lost Letters – Book
Aka the current active HoL WIP, and book one in the revised series structure
Length: 80k as of now; around 120-140k when the first draft is finished, I presume.
Genre: adult fantasy, gothic, noir detective drama?? um?? If you want me to frame it in BookTok terms (why?) it's a dark academia villain x villain tragic romantasy. Hrgh.
Summary: Cyborg soldier goes to college, joins a shady socialite frat, and falls in love with the jilted heir-apparent to the throne. Hilarity ensues.
(By "hilarity," I mean a militant revolutionary faction and a tragedy of Greek proportions.)
POV characters: Charles (the cyborg), Dale (the heir), and Cecelia (Charles' sister, a junior detective, the love of my life and potentially the Chosen One???)
This book is twisty and dark and immensely fun to write.
I'm about halfway through the first full draft! Hoping to share snippets and vaguepost about my children here.
Tag: "lost letters tag" (also "hol tag," tho that one's less specific)
The Last of Mortal Tourists – Book
The next longform project on the docket!
Length: a standalone work that will hopefully fall on the shorter novel/novella spectrum.
Genre: literary SF, cyberqueer, psychological space quest
Summary: The consciousness of a dead coding genius, trapped inside a spaceship, seeks a new planet to sustain their sister, the last surviving human, after the destruction of Earth.
If you're here to get wildly philosophical about gender and the myth of essential self, this is the story for you! That's why I'm writing it, lol. 🏳️⚧️ 🚀 🤖
This one started out as a short story (100% finished) which I want to expand.
POV: Archer Alto, the coder. Spaceship? Human? Soul?
Supporting Cast: Pandora, the last human, and Abby, a holographic impression of Archer's childhood consciousness
Tag: "the last of mortal tourists tag" or "tlomt tag"
If you read all this way, you get a whole bouquet of flowers that are certainly NOT poisonous: 🌸 🌹 💐 🥀 🌺
<3
#writeblr#writing#writeblr intro#for my mutuals#scribble-dee-vee#project intro#hi writeblr!#original post#hol tag#heart of lead tag#lost letters tag#tlomt tag#pls feel free to tell me abt u in tags/replies!!#would love to expand my active writeblr connections#and yah like I said lmk about those tag lists#I def want to post more snippets/tags this year
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it’s kinda funny to me how immediately post vol 2 we all thought that they were using will to develop m*leven’s relationship bc now i can see that they’re doing the opposite. they’re using will to begin the breakdown of m*leven’s relationship (and the start of byler’s)
but it’s clearly not his fault, and him being blameless is actually crucial to this.
they’re using will to demonstrate that their relationship is doomed by just having him be there. they’re even having him try to help them out, yet still m*leven is failing
mike hadn’t seen will or el for almost a year which made it much easier for him to delude himself about his true feelings for both of them. he can convince himself of almost anything if he doesn’t have to confront it in real life. seeing the two of them (especially at the same time) opened the floodgates and his love for will (and his non-romantic feelings for el) became less ignorable, like we saw at the roller rink. it seemed like he was giving all his attention to el but he noticed all of will’s “moping” which apparently “sabotaged” the day.
mike’s fights with both will and el stem from his true feelings for both of them: he feels like he’s losing will and that it’s out of his control, but he’s scared of getting too close to him again because of his non-platonic feelings. he can’t tell el he loves her because he doesn’t love her romantically, and that’s the way she wants him to love her.
these fights, but more particularly their aftermaths, are meant to show us the difference between byler’s and m*leven’s bond and the way they communicate. after their fight mike quickly makes the effort to repair the damage with will and even does some genuine introspection, which is not something he’d usually do, yet he’s managed to several times for will (keep this in your mind for later). but after mike’s fight(s?) with el he doesn’t have a chance to repair anything because she’s taken away to nevada. obviously it’s not mike’s fault that she’s gone before he can apologize but remember the writers CHOSE to do this.
then he can’t preoccupy himself with putting up a front of romantic bliss with el, because she’s far away. he’s alone with will and alone with his feelings for will. he spent HOURS! HOURS in the small backseat of the van next to the boy he’s secretly in love with. he’d expected to have the safety net of el to fall back on for the entire trip. of course he cares for el a lot and does love her platonically, but the safety net could’ve been part of his motivation to get her back.
will IS a device for m*leven, but not to build it up, to disassemble it. will’s a device for mike to realize/accept his feelings and to urge him to compare his feelings/behavior for will in juxtaposition to el.
will’s been acting as mike’s mediator for his relationship with el. he thinks mike is happiest with her and he’s super selfless so he actively tries to FIX their relationship. he reassures mike, he gives him advice, he sympathizes with him, and he pushes him toward el. he’s basically doing all he can to ensure they stay together.
this is one of the most essential parts in will’s role as a device. they’re showing us that no matter how hard will tries to remove himself from the picture of their relationship and advance it forward in disregard to himself, it still doesn’t work out. in fact, his trying to help is destroying m*leven even faster (but mike and will don’t know this yet).
mike WAS clueless that will was talking about himself in the van, but he heard exactly what he wanted to hear. will’s coded love for him was the love mike wanted, and having it presented as el’s love made him think he’s in love with her. he thought his doubts about being with her were solved thanks to will telling him how el really feels—and will thinks he solved it too.
so then mike goes and gives his ily monologue and expresses some disingenuous introspection, contrasting with his genuine introspection during his apology to will earlier. mike took will’s coded confession at face value and used it to conjure up conclusions in his mind that might explain how he’s feeling. it makes enough sense in theory that he’s clung to it, ready to accept it as the truth. he used will’s confession as the basis of his ily monologue because he’s also using it as the basis of his own rationalization of his feelings.
if you don’t look too deep into his monologue and other events of the season then it’s easy to think will was successful in repairing m*leven. the problem is, while mike thinks his monologue was true, the structure of it is all gonna come crashing down sooner or later. once mike finds out will’s coded confession was actually about himself, the basis of his monologue to el is no longer there, or, it’s there, but then it’s technically a monologue to will, and he’s gonna realize that will’s love for him is exactly the love he wants/needs. he’ll simultaneously have to confront the fallacy of his “love” for el and the realities of his love for will.
will did all this by just being there and trying to help. they’re showing us that the downfall of m*leven is inevitable and mike’s and will’s love for each other is indispensable. all will had to do was be there and push mike toward el, and without meaning to, he pushed mike away from el and toward himself.
if you’re a will anti or think it’s his fault m*leven is dying then this post isn’t for you. m*leven is dying of its own accord and will is simply there to show us its death is inescapable. he’s only trying to help them, and that’s what makes this such a satisfying story of fate.
in conclusion, byler endgame and platonic elmike ftw!
#another ollie post about byler that started with a small thought and turned into several paragraphs of analysis? no way!!#no but seriously#just read this please#i hope i got my thoughts out right bc. i’m trying to explain what’s happening in my head#byler#stranger things#byler analysis#byler meta#stranger things 4#anti m*leven
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Hirano to Kagiura Ch.15 Analysis: Changing his mind
Ch.15 is the one where Hirano and Kagiura make up after their Valentine's Day argument and is a massive turning point for Hirano. He has in large part been ignoring the fact that Kagiura is in love with him, but not after this chapter. There are multiple parts to Hirano's new mindset, so lets talk about that.
The first change is when Hirano stops himself from wondering about how long Kagiura has been in love with him.
The last time we saw Hirano wonder about it was in ch.10, where it was in context of Kagiura appearing uncomfortable around Hirano after the confession. Both times Hirano is wondering for how long he's been in some way hurting Kagiura. But this time he stops himself and reminds himself of some of what he knows about Kagiura.
That Kagiura is honest, faces things he doesn't like directly, and is so serious about basketball that he wakes up early even though it's hard for him. And I think that when Hirano's eyes sparkles between thinking about that and thinking about the fact that Kagiura is studying seriously to stay together with Hirano even though it really isn't natural for him – I think Hirano realizes the parallel between Kagiura's seriousness about basketball and his seriousness about Hirano.
But lets put it back into the context of Hirano worrying about how long he's been inadvertently hurting Kagiura. I think it's useful to look back the H&K ch.2, where Kagiura was feeling bad because of a loss in basketball. Even though Kagiura loves basketball, that doesn't mean that is doesn't sometimes hurt. But that doesn't mean that he should quit, it's just something you have to face and move through. And Hirano might be better at realizing that the same thing is true for Kagiura's feelings for him now that he has the comparison with Kagiura's feelings about basketball to better understand them.
I'm also thinking about how Hirano reacted to Kagiura losing sleep from studying. First he wanted to make things easier for Kagiura by giving up on rooming together, but after seeing how serious he is about staying together, he started to help him study instead. It's a similar case here, where Hirano stops wanting to help Kagiura by avoiding the issue to wanting to help him deal with the issue.
But aside from recognizing that he isn't helping Kagiura by avoiding the problem, and that Kagiura doesn't want to avoid it, Hirano at that moment also finally starts to recognize that Kagiura's romantic feelings for Hirano is a part of the whole package. That "The Kagi-kun that I'm fond of...is the one that's in love with me."
Which is important to remember during in the "I like you...as a person" page.
I actually want to talk a bit more about Hirano's thoughts on this page. That "I trust wholly...in this year I've spent with Kagiura Akira." Because I think you could exchange it with "I know Kagi-kun" and the meaning would basically be the same. Hirano has been worried that he hasn't actually been making Kagiura's life easier, hasn't actually been making him happy. It's why he has been wondering about how long Kagiura has been in love with him. But Hirano has genuinely been making Kagiura happy, even with the romantic feelings that Hirano has been associating with hurting Kagiura. And now Hirano also recognizes it.
But it's not just that. It's that Hirano trusts that he does understand Kagiura. In no way completely (e.g. not understanding that "I like you...as a person" was not the best way of getting that point across), but he understands enough that Kagiura in the end would much rather that they face the complications of the romantic feelings rather than avoiding them. Because he know Kagiura, he understands that he should be honest and tackle any issues stem from them not feeling the same thing (from Hirano's perspective at least) head on.
Basically Hirano went "Oh, I have actually been making Kagi-kun happy. Also, I should be more like him when facing him."
#hirano to kagiura#hirano to kagiura analysis#(I hope I get the time to edit this before posting but if not oh well)#(I hope it's still understandable)#Hirano's realizations are surprisingly complex when analyzing them#hirano taiga#kagihira#hirakagi
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Could you maybe explore your characterizations for Monomon and Herrah? Your take on Lurien is incredible!
Ahhh so sorry this took a while! Thank you for waiting!
I'll use this post to answer about Herrah because I think she needs more love. Monomon will be in a another post (` v ´)
As with before, the answer will be under the cut!
When I was thinking about my human design for her, several inspirations came to mind:
Genghis Khan - Founder of the Mongolian Empire, one of the largest empires ever
Khutulun - Mongolian princess and warrior who famously refused to marry anyone unless they could defeat her in a wrestling match (no one ever did). She is the main basis and inspiration for my human Herrah design
Zheng Shi/Zheng Yi Sao - The most succesful pirate ever; a woman who took over her husband's pirate fleet after his death and became so powerful that the combined forces of the Chinese, Portuguese and British navies were unable to stop her
One of the lore tablets in the game states that her partner, a noble, passed away leaving her, a commoner behind. I like to think that she worked to take her husband's place as leader; perhaps even having to participate in some tough politics and fights to get there.
As such, I have it in my mind that she came to power by more of less declaring "I'll surrender the throne to anyone who can beat me in a fight" and basically won against every challenger to her throne by either beating them to a pulp or politically outmanouvering them.
Like most people, I think of her as a rather headstrong person and smart. After all, she's the leader of Deepnest and appears to have a following that's is almost, if not the same, level of devotion from Deepnest's citizens as the Pale King (PK) has with Hallownest's citizens. The difference is that, she's not a god! And I think that says volumes about what kind of leader she must have been! From what I gathered in game, the Spider Tribe located in the Distant Village and the Weavers seemed to be two distinct groups yet, they have a common devotion to Herrah. I think it's not unreasonable to imagine that maybe part of her coming to power was in uniting the various tribes in the territory to form/expand Deepnest. Uniting them in rejection of PK as the leader probably made it easier but she seems to have gone the extra step in ensuring that they remained loyal to her, thus amassing such a large following. In turn, I think she also respected and cared for her citizens as evidenced by her becoming a Dreamer for their sakes.
Like her desgin inspirations, I think she would have been a good military strategist and her devout following would have made any campaigns and battles rather smooth for her. That being said she's not a brute (as I sometimes sadly see her being depicted as). Being a leader of a large (and it seems dangerous!) territory would likely mean she picks her battles and would know when to show off her power.
As awesome as she must be, I imagine being a leader must be so tiring. If she's not busy leading the people, I imagine she'd be caught up in things like thwarting potential coups and dissenters trying to oust her. On top of that, she is a mother! So it's not like she can completely rest when she's not being Herrah the Queen, Herrah the Beast or any other titles and responsibilities that have been bestowed upon her and I imagine it only got more exhasting when dealing with Hallownest and it's court. As a result, I like to think that she'd have a tendency to fall asleep on her feet or zone out from not having enough rest. I also like to think of her as a somewhat introverted individual so I think it's fun that she maybe doesn't always realise or care how she comes off outwardly to the people around her.
As an aside, I have it in my head that her friendship with Monomon and Lurien stems from the fact that she holds no responsibilities or titles when she is with them. They do not think of her as "The Beast", "Queen of Deepnest", "Mum Friend" or whatever. To them, she is just Herrah.
This is purely me being silly with headcanons, but since she is a spider, I like to play with the headcanon that she'd have an instinctive talent for the natural sciences (physics, biology and chemistry - because spiders can have venom), engineering (building intricate webs) and mechanical mathematics (goes with engineering). The architecture in Deepnest is rather distinct to Hallownest and the Weavers appear to be capable of some impressive engineering feats (if the den and what looks to be the giant loom in there is anything to go by). Maybe she has little side projects for herself to get her mind off things or conduct research for her kingdom!
Anyways.. yeah! That's the main thoughts in my head when it comes to Herrah!
Thank you for your interest! I am always so thrilled when I get asks like this!
Hope you have a lovely day!
#ask#ido100#hollow knight#herrah the beast#hk gijinka#augh I've been working on this ffor months!#I promise!
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Meet the Mun
Saw this on the dash and decided at almost midnight that it was time to steal~
ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?
A CERTAIN SOMEBODY dragged me back into SoT when safer seas was released back in December '23 and went "hey let me show you what is at this red tornado and only tell you that the third phase you have to dodge meatballs and you should keep your ship away". Little did that bish know I got immediately hooked on the Ashen Lords and after a small thought of "You know, I think Warden Chi is non-binary" since honestly I thought they were male by their voice and appearance I started thinking more into it and doing a bit of research to find there is absolutely no lore on them aside from the fact they are the Warden for Flameheart's prison. So, I started thinking about headcanons about them and a whole backstory. . . and then I got into the lore of Flameheart and went "I want that skellie too". I also have two other muses that are currently rattling around as well which are listed on the pinned post.
ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?
It's not my cup of cocoa, but slice-of-life threads. I can only do them for so long without getting tired // losing interest. I'm just not a chill happenings sort of writer. I'm not a huge fan of p.orn without plot either. I need sustenance // some meaning to what I write and I am not fully comfortable writing smut
ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?
HORROR. Gods damn give me horror and tense situations. Give me villains thriving and making life hell, give me a bad end where shit hits the fan and everything's fucked up. But also. . . give me some good angst and maybe a bit of fluff ( ironic considering neither of muses on this blog are exactly fluff material )
ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?
If you have followed my other blogs, you know I analyze the HELL out of any sort of material I can get. Analyzing voice lines, the model of the character and how they stand // move, the bits of lore given about them or the lack of substance when it comes to Chi. A lot of my headcanons stem from thoughts about how they would interact with their surroundings // others, what parts would fit into their history // story. Basically analyzing their psyche and pondering how they would develop or adjust to situations.
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?
I almost always have music going on when I'm doing replies. Either that or some playthrough I have been watching. Silence just sorta kills my energy
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?
Bit of column A bit of column B. it depends on how high my muse is for that character + thread. The more excited and engaged I am, the easier it is to get into the headspace of the muse and to write out a reply without thinking too much about it, but sometimes I like to have a plan at least how the thread will go
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?
Most of the time? Yeah, it can be fun. In the case of this blog? Ehhhh it would greatly depend. I can be quite into ships depending. I do tend to be a sucker for villains in relationships ( but not the ones where they are "turning good" for their lover ) or the smol and tol dynamic, big scary with a soft but can be scary smol -- be it romantic or platonic
ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?
Ra, but I also respond to Captain
ᴀɢᴇ?
Closer to 30 than 20 ;v;
ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?
December 22nd
ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?
purple and black
ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?
We would be here for hours if I listed them all. Lately I've been listening to Ashes, Keelhauled, The Herald of Flame, Hollow, and well my go-to for vent writing // drawing: Vengeance is Mine
ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?
. . . I honestly cannot remember? Maybe it was Over the Hedge for nostalgia reasons?
ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?
Overlord. Binged all 4 seasons in less than a week while working
ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?
P.A.R.T.Y by Alestorm
ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?
I mean as of right now it's just pepperonis. . .
ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?
Autumn or winter tbh but I am a mountain cryptid so
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?
Fun fact is I met my bestie here on tumblr! 💜 I think it's almost been 5-6 years since we first met in a whole different fandom. We met through a mutual bitch and ended up bonding after shit hit the fan. Now, I owe her an onion ring and child support for our son Speedy.
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1, 5, 7, 8, 4, 11 and 15 for the problematique ships??
oh wow, that's a lot! thank you!
1) what is your favorite “problematic” ship?
Brujay. It is very interesting to get their canon mutual weirdness - their relationship is a mess, it's not healthy - and bring it up to 11. Both because it's like magnifying what's already there, to make it easier to drive things home: none of them is okay and they should, in fact, stay away from each other despite the fact it wouldn't be that hard not just to reconcile but also to respect each other and be deserving of said respect.
It's also curious to me that a lot of Bruce's fan ships are actually... have similar vibes to brujay, minus the "I was his father for 3 years or so" factor. BatCat - I can write an essay about similarities between Jason and Catwoman, and Jason actually feels jealous and replaced by her, at some point in his Robin era. BruTalia, BruHarvey, GhostBat. Especially the GhostBat. It's literally brujay without the incest. Whereas Jason's ships are the opposite. Like, Sladejay comes close but no cigar.
5) a ship you like but can’t find content for because it’s a fanpol fave?
I am like Jaytemis but not enough to go looking. I actually blocked a lot of jaytemis fans because they were dicks in tag. and on some discord server, don't remember details.
7) what kind of “problematic” tropes you like to put your ships through?
Sex while willingly or unwillingly mentally impaired, such as by alcohol (taken willingly), drugs (taken unwillingly), interdimensional demon possession, and having heat while also having a traumatic brain injury. There's also having sex not because you want but for reasons. Proving a point. Trying to manipulate. Things like that.
I think I have about... two fics where a character has sex because they want to have sex, and it ends badly in the second one.
Basically the moral of my stories:
In one of them, it was quite literal.
8) a character you think did nothing wrong but fandom demonizes?
Damian, easy. I find it irritating especially when he's used as Tim's foil. The little guy was brainwashed, and he still is dealing with the consequences of this trauma and his upbringing overall. It takes years to unpack it.
Talia - just leave her alone. "She traumatized Damian" - the authors did that. She was just a tool, and she was character-assassinated in the process. I mean, it is a bit wrong of her to be, like, in charge of an international murder organization but, we all know what the grip fandom has with her is not about that.
4) a ship you think is fairly healthy and unproblematic but the fandom has decided to hate?
JayRoy and joyfire holy shit. I know it stems, in part, from the hatred to New52 overall and Lobdell's RHatO in particular, and I hear them even if I don't care that much (I see jayroy potential even before New52, and after). But "stealing friends from Dick", "age difference", what the fuck else there was - just no. As long as Jason deals with his commitment issues and self-hatred, this is the healthiest relationship he has ever had with the exception of Artemis and Bizarro.
11) is there a fandom that ever made you think “how are there antis in this fandom, why are they even into this”?
Hannibal, Good Omens, and Sandman, to name a few. Curious that they think that if the creator has public acknowledgment it means that suddenly he's not proship anymore. Or if he is, that's okay, we won't be principled and leave/not join the fandom but rather go bully the proshippers who do not have money and fame.
Oh, and Game of Thrones/House of Dragons - while I don't know if Martin is proship, the subject matter he deals with is no more taboo than what fandom does. "I watch dragon incest show for the dragons, y'all weird" no it's you who's weird, you literally watching a show about incest and complaining about incest. "it's not glorified in canon" That's cute, you sure it is in fics? you read them? you read incest fics? Like, come on.
15) something cool about the last thing you watched/read/listened to!
Last thing I listened to was this youtube comics podcast: Grandpas reading comics (eng subs are only auto-translated so bear with it)
youtube
It's about Ukrainian comics, The Will, and as a person who has two issues of this comic book and no idea of what's going on, I was glad to find out this video exist. I did not finish watching it yet tho - so I still have no idea what's going on - I will keep you guys posted. After I buy the issue 3, maybe.
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so for your spy au you have Rose adopting both Dirk and Roxy, but later on you say that Dave is taking care of Dirk? how does Dirk end up with Dave?
yeah!! so basically Rose adopts both Roxy and Dirk bc for her spy mission she needs kids to send to a prestigious school so she can slide in and make connections with the parents, but later on Dirk ends up kinda moving more in with Dave, though he officially still lives with Rose, and the crux of that comes down to
Dirk cannot function in a traditional school.
He's a smart kid, but traditional schooling kinda eats him alive- it's both incredibly understimulating and overstimulating for a 7-yr-old, and he's not particularly good at playing with other kids or socializing the way Roxy does.
Compounding it all, though, is his telepathy. He can't turn it off. So every day he's in a classroom with about 30 or so other voices loudly talking in his brain over the teacher, who has two monologues going simultaneously, and he's got his own internal monologue- it's a Mess. eventually comes the moment where he kinda breaks and, with the special ed resources lacking, Rose agrees to pull him from the school.
but that leaves Rose in a Predicament. Because Dirk still needs an education, but she can't stay with him during the day, because she has spywork to attend to. There's the option of hiring private tutors, but that also adds unnecessary risk to the mission, since anyone onto her could try to slide in as a tutor to counteract her spying.
And Rose absolutely cannot send Dirk back to the orphanage (because she loves him) because with Roxy being her only in with this prestigious school, the mission rests on Roxy's mental health being intact, and sending Dirk away would cause unnecessary stress.
So Rose tries to get a few of her civilian friends' help. Kanaya turns her down (because as Auxiliatrix, Kanaya has to hunt down Agent Arachnid and her house is just full of weapons), as does Ms Vris (because as Agent Arachnid, there's this fucking terminator esque character trying to murder her???). Karkat just flatly tells her that she doesn't want any of his connections teaching her kid shit. Jade agrees to help a bit, since she homeschools Jake, but she's fairly STEM-heavy and tends to get lost in her (nuclear research) florist work fairly easily, so it's not a long-term solution. June is still likely in the enemy camp, to Rose's knowledge, so that's a no-go.
So finally in comes Dave for weekend babysitting duty and finally he sighs real big and goes hey Rose? I can take it from here. And Rose is a bit... dubious, about having Dave be in charge of teaching any children, and Dave's just like you do realize I have a master's, right, I know how school works, and Rose is like I didn't realize you went to school, and it just kind of goes unsaid that 'maybe you'd know if you didn't disappear for 15 years and make me think you were dead'. But they both silently know it's there.
and lo and behold- Dave's actually probably the most well-suited for teaching Dirk. He's got a working knowledge of politics, philosophy, economics, history, anthropology, archaeology, art history, literature, art and more, and even if he doesn't quite know science or the real advanced mathematics, he can usually outsource to Jade and teach himself first before passing it on to Dirk. (And hey- if that knowledge just so happens to make the wheels of the propaganda machine he runs turn to trying to turn the Prospitian public against nuclear power, that's just a coincidence)
so at first Dirk bounces between being taught at Dave's apartment during the day and then going home to Rose at night, but as the months go on and he starts being able to stomach not being in the buddy system he and Roxy have been in since they broke out the lab, he starts asking to stay over with his Bro more.
It suits Rose fine. In fact, it makes things easier in the long-term- when the mission is finally over, and when she is asked to shed this identity and become someone else once more, kill this persona and burn the name Rose from her memory- when she has to leave this pretend family behind- she won't have to send the kids back to foster care. Dave will take good care of them. She doesn't trust anyone in the world more than her twin.
#homestuck#sxfstuck#rose lalonde#dirk strider#dave strider#roxy lalonde#and that's my emotional burden for the day ghbjkn like oooof yknow#sometimes a family is a bundle of lies in a trenchcoat that still loves so so dearly yknow
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Question: I wanted to ask you about emotional scenes. When you were filming Supernatural, you said that initially you had to think of something that made you sad and then once you keyed into Dean, and Dean became you and you became Dean, it was easier to act his feelings because they were your feelings. So when you took on Beau Arlen, that you haven't done for fifteen years, or even a year, and Ben, Soldier Boy, how did you - did you go back to basics and start thinking again about sad moments in your life to help the scene or were you able to key in a lot quicker this time because you're more experienced?
Jensen: Hmm, that's a really good question. Yeah, very perceptive in the fact that I didn't have all of those years with those characters, but there were emotional scenes - much, I would say there was probably more of an emotional, humanistical emotions - [Jensen gets distracted by a commotion in the audience] All right, calm down. Okay, thank you, where's the prayer bowl, let's - I'll, get, there's a story that they're all referencing right now that I told in the Meet & Greet. Yep, see, this is ... great. Okay, I'll get to that in a second. Siddown! I didn't have that history with the characters so I did kind of have to dig into personal feelings. I'll speak about Beau first, cause I'm actually trying to think of what would the emotional scene with Soldier Boy, and I don't know - I don't know that there was one?
Question: There is.
Jensen: Which one?
Question: The one where he's with Butcher and is telling the story about his father -
Jensen: Oh! About his father, sure.
Question: That broke my heart, so.
Jensen: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I have an interesting, that actually, now that you bring that up - 'cause see, these things [sigh]. This is the thing about being an actor is my long term memory has been shoved aside a little bit to make room for the short term memory of memorizing lines? So I have intense, there's an intensity in the short term memorization that I have in bringing that to life, and then once I do that, I kinda just ... purge it, and like, let it go. And I don't know, I'm sure there's a psychologist in here that could analyze that and tell me why I do that, I don't know why I do that, but I do it. So we'll go back to, we'll go to Beau first, and I'm guessing you're talking about the scenes when he's talking about his daughter?
Question: Yeah, or also when he's interrogating Avery, and you see the change from sort of like anger and resentment - it's not an emotional scene in the sense that he's crying, but it's really really intense.
Jensen: Right. So that all stems from my - basically I dive into what would I do as a father in this situation. And then how can I relate that to this character. And so I take what I think I know and how I think I would react and then I put that into this character's hands and kinda just tailor it a little bit, and then that's what you see. So even with Dean, you know, the vast majority of Dean? Is me. I just tailored it to tell the story through this character's eyes, but I wasn't trained professionally, I didn't go to school for this, I didn't learn methods, I didn't learn how to separate myself from the character. I basically find what relates to me as a person, within the story, within the character, I extrapolate on that and then I apply it to the character. Same thing really with Soldier Boy. In fact, what I was getting to is that scene, I thought a little bit about - because I have a good relationship with my father - so I had to dive a little bit into something that I was familiar with that maybe didn't, and that was Dean. So I kind of dived into a little bit of Dean and John relationship, even though Dean loves his father and idolized his father for many many years, but there - it was a strained relationship. And at the end of the day, I just pretended. [laughs] 'Cause that's essentially what acting is, you try to find the most honest emotion that you can muster up within yourself, you try to identify that, you try to portray that within this character in order to tell the story. And it's - some people can do it and some people can't. It's like some people can ... write amazingly, some people can do math amazingly, some people can sing, some people can create - paint. I can't paint, I can't draw worth a lick. I mean, I'm lucky to get a stick figure that looks remotely well. But there are some people that just see it and can - and I just, for some reason - you guys seen that movie Good Will Hunting? When he talks about how he can math? He's like, Beethoven could just see the piano and he could play. And I'm not saying that I'm Beethoven as far as acting goes, by any means. But I can play. And so I try to play as much as I possibly can, and that's using what I have in my life, using what I think would be the right emotion, and then I just expand on that.
Question: Ben is just a little boy searching for his father's approval. At the end of the day, which is kind of what Dean was -
Jensen: 100%. Absolutely. So I was able - I'm like, hmm, am I getting typecasted here? Is this? But no, you're absolutely right and so there was some, there was a core relation there between Dean and Soldier Boy and that's why I thought it was such a fantastic plot twist when Soldier Boy was, like, given this opportunity to have a son and a grandson and change that. But then he reverts to his DNA and becomes what he always hated -
Question: What his father was.
Jensen: What his father was, yeah. And that's just great writing, but it's also really fun to take that character on that journey. And then it's just, you know, it's just pretending. It's painting with a paintbrush that I know how to paint with.
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Upworthy: The four magic phrases to use when you’re stopped by the cops
Whether it’s a traffic stop that turns into “We smell something in your car” or a “driving while black” situation, you have rights when you’re pulled over, and it’s for the best if you actually use them. So how does this work, anyway?
Well, you have rights when you’re pulled over. These have been established via case law, and ultimately, some stem from the Constitution itself. In order, here are the magic phrases, along with some graphics to help you remember.
1. “Am I free to go?”
In any situation involving the police, you can ask this question. Some people ask it slightly differently: “Am I being detained?”—which is a version of the same question. Basically, if they’ve got nothing on you, they have to let you go. If they answer no to that question, you are in fact not free to go. In that case, you are suspected of doing something, and it’s their job to try to get you to admit to it or to say a bit too much and incriminate yourself.
2. “I do not consent to any searches.”
One of the trickiest things that some law enforcement folks try is to talk you into letting them search your vehicle—or house, for that matter. “So if you haven’t done anything, then you’re ok with us searching your car … right? I mean, if you’re innocent. We’ll go easier on you if you let us.” Do NOT give up your rights that easily.
Are you certain your buddy didn’t leave a bag of weed in the glove box?
Are you sure your boyfriend took his target pistol out of the trunk after he went to practice shooting the other day?
Are you absolutely certain that the body in your trunk was removed and buried in that farm field … whoops. Did I say that last one out loud?!
The point is, don’t give up your rights easily. And believe me, cops are gooooood at trying to play psychological games. Which leads to #3.
3. “I want to remain silent.”
You have that right, and if things start getting thick, you need to use it.
“We clocked you going 60 in a 50, but when you opened your window to give us your license, we smelled marijuana.”
The correct answer to something like this is, “I want to remain silent.” The temptation is to say, “Yeah, my buddy and I smoked in my car this morning but I wasn’t driving, blah blah blah”—but then you’re already nailed.
Time for them to get the dogs and search. Congratulations, you’re on your way to the pokey for the night.
4. “I want a lawyer.”
If you’ve reach this particular point, then you’re in deep doodoo anyway, so go ahead and ask for one, and say nothing until he or she arrives.
Remember these four things. It will be hard in the moment, with your adrenaline pumping, your freedom in question, and when you’re possibly in physical danger, depending on the cops involved and your skin color.
"Am I free to go?"
"I do not consent to any searches."
"I want to remain silent."
"I want a lawyer."
Perhaps a word involving the first letter of the four statements will help you remember: FoSSiL (Free, Searches, Silent, Lawyer)
Or maybe a mnemonic:
— Fiscal Suns Scramble Lives
— Fresh Sushi Smell Lemons
— Flexible Straws Sell Lobsters
— Free Subjects Steam Lobsters
The clip below is a shortened version of a much longer one that explains your rights, detailing what you can and cannot do in these situations.
Note that the order of the above is a bit different than in the clip, but the principles are the same.
Good luck out there!
#The four magic phrases to use when you’re stopped by the cops#cops#protect your privacy#self defense
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Not me rushing to finish this just before valentines day ends lmao. Also two pieces in one day? Slow tf down you’ll die by the end of the week Kiwi
Ahem. Anyways. It’s been like 6000 years since I’ve drawn either Clay OR Seph. Despite the fact that Seph is literally one of the easier OCs of mine to draw lmao. Nonetheless, happy valentines times day or whatever I guess (lol)— have the Rough and Tumble Cowboy Businessman and his Pastelcore Pastry Chef wife.
(minor notes/lore and also taglist under the cut~)
For anyone who doesn’t know me via Pisscord Discord/hasn’t read my attempt at a PLA AU (Even the Gods Cowered) which is basically Dad Clay and the Nimbasa Trio, Persephone “Seph” Spring is the younger twin sister of Naomi “Nomi” Spring and the two run a teahouse together with one other friend of theirs who is a menace to society— Lila Archibald— on the edges of Driftveil City.
In Even the Gods Cowered, however Seph has since passed away, leaving Clay with a house that’s a bit too big for one man, and a few pokemon who he since inherited from her. Don’t worry, she’s only dead in this AU. That I will finish one day. Maybe. Hopefully. (probably??)
The two sisters hail from Galar originally with one parent being from Galar and the other from Hoenn, having moved across to Unova when they were in their teen years— though Seph’s team is primarily Galarian and Hoenn in nature with her starter and ace being a massive Corviknight she named “Lancelot”. He does show up in Even the Gods Cowered.
Both Spring sisters have shown up briefly in my SW universe as well, where their roles are pretty much the same, save for the minor fact that their tea house doubles as Bounty Hunter Guild informant building and spa.
Clay and Seph’s ship name being “Elysian Shipping” “Elysian Duo” is a bit of a lore joke that stems from Greek and Roman mythos. Clay's moniker is the "Underground Boss" which I linked to Hades' roman counterpart, Pluto— who is also the god of riches found beneath the earth. riches → mining. And Pluto = Hades, and Hades’ wife is the goddess of spring, Persephone. The two rule the Greek underworld and Elysium is one of the realms in the Underworld.
So yeah. There’s that bit.
Ok im done talking for now lfkhdskfhsd
Taglist:
@jedifisto @spaceydragons @purgetrooperfox @spacerocksarethebestrocks @insanelytomato @babygirljoelmiller @certified-anakinfucker @d3epfriedanger @genifer-first-of-her-name @thecodyagenda @babygirl-leon-kennedy @txtalnyx @jawajawas
Taglist Form or feel free to ask me to get tagged (just DM!)
#god i still dont know how shading works but i am very sleepy tired im done i quit im leaving this dimension#happy violence times days or whatever lol#in honor of not dying in the OC poll /j#Elysian Duo (Ship)#Gym Leader Clay#Pokemon Clay#Persephone Spring (Kiwi OCs)#Penguinkiwi OCs#Penguinkiwi Creates#pokemon oc#oc x canon#ty to biacam on tiktok for the pose ref#Kiwi Creates
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I got another one for you!! Rank the main villains/misguided antagonists of Pokémon, worst to best!
Oh gosh, this one's going to be a bit tricky.
1 - CYRUS. Team Galactic is such a fucking slog; they aren't even mildly amusing in the same way Team Rocket are, they just get in the way. At the head of this bizarrely hedonistic operation is Cyrus, a lunatic with his head so far up his own ass that he can't hear how fucking boring and self-centered he sounds.
2 - GHETSIS. He's creepy and deranged, certainly, but he's also kind of boring. In my opinion he also got a downgrade in B2W2 when he stopped being this "man behind the throne" kind of character and just became an evil dictator. N's presence is integral to his effectiveness, and once they split up he's not nearly as interesting.
3 - GIOVANNI. Credit where credit is due - Giovanni is the OG Pokemon villain, and he's not half bad either. He's also the only explicit villain that is on a League - Malva might count but I don't know if it was ever confirmed if she had anything to do with Team Flare or if she was just kind of there. Giovanni's also great because, as far as I'm aware, his ultimate goal is largely financial power, which is easier to understand than some other Pokemon villains.
4 - VOLO. Volo is where things start to get interesting in this list. He's a play on a zealous acolyte; he craves Arceus' blessing and he ends up enlisting Giratina's help to tear open a hole in the universe in order for them to meet, but he ultimately fails when you defeat him and Giratina flees. I liked his vaguely unsettling aura and the fact that he was always there when you least expected him to be, and I kind of get his motive to where he wants a reason for any suffering he faced, but ultimately the rest of his character kind of falls flat.
5 - LUSAMINE. I really liked Lusamine when I first fought her - how batshit crazy and obsessed she was; how she was willing to basically disown her own children in order to get what she wanted. In immediate hindsight her whole shpeal kind of petered out for me because I didn't know who Mohn (her long-lost husband) was and thus I had no idea what her motive was. USUM definitely did her a disservice by kinda-sorta redeeming her on-screen instead of leaving her fate up in the air like the original games did.
(The rest of these are all pretty close together in terms of how much I like them, so ranking is a little more approximate from here on out.)
6 - ROSE. SWSH unfortunately suffers from a poor plot anyway, which really doesn't do Rose any favors, but I really enjoy his calm, bussinesslike approach to everything, and how he's genuinely done good things for his community while also doing some questionable ones. I like how it's hinted that both Magnolia and Sonia regard him with hesitancy but no-one really elaborates as to why. I like how when you defeat Eternatus he just kind of... disappears, and his name is scrubbed from the League. I don't think anyone talks about him after that. That may be a plothole and not a deliberate choice, but it makes me want to study him acutely under a microscope.
7 - ARCHIE / MAXIE. (I'm counting these two as a pair because they serve the same purpose within their respective games.) My first villains! This is where my "well-intentioned but dumb" appreciation stems from; these two wanted to aid in the progress of humanity and also the conservation of certain Pokemon, but obviously didn't have any braincells dedicated to the consequences of their actions. It's actually really interesting to see them wholeheartedly regret their actions and realise their colossal mistakes in the moment.
8 - SADA / TURO AI. This villain and overall culmination of the SV story is so fucking terrifying and intimidating that I can't not love it. The plot twist that the Professor had been dead for years before your introduction to them was applause-worthy; the reveal that the AI had more affection, or at least respect, for the current world and the Professor's neglected son was heartbreaking. That was the moment that really shattered the illusion - that maybe, just maybe, Sada/Turo was a good person after all, but nope! They were just a deadbeat, obsessed parent all along.
9 - LYSANDRE. There's something about Lysandre that I find very, very appealing. He and Rose are very similar, and he also shares certain traits and motives with Cyrus of all people, but Lysandre succeeds more due to seemingly being more likable and having more genuine relationships - he at least has a friendship with Sycamore (or so the Professor claims). It's evident that no-one thought the worst of him and just considered him to be passionate about his desire to make the world more "beautiful". He sacrifices himself because he can't bear to live with his mistakes or his inability to accept the world as it is. He cries on-screen. He's a very poetic antagonist and I enjoy him immensely. Also his design is A+ and I love the way he carries himself.
#answered ask#pokemon#galactic boss cyrus#rocket boss giovanni#plasma boss ghetsis#pokemon wielder volo#aether president lusamine#chairman rose#aqua boss archie#magma boss maxie#professor sada#professor turo#flare boss lysandre
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in response to anon w/ pain while standing: that sounds a lot like what i experienced in hs, so i figured id drop some extra tips, mostly geared toward movement because it's what helped me. my problem was pretty much that im low tone (less tension in muscles at rest than typical) and subclinically hypermobile which may or may not be what you're dealing with so keep that in mind and ymmv. also disclaimer that i am in no way a trained or licensed doctor/pt/etc
stretching: this has already been said, but it's worth a repeat. especially since most school gym programs do a shit job at teaching it. if your school has a dance elective/gym class chances are the teacher in charge will probs know some good basic stretching routines
walking: standing in place is not something our bodies were built for. just maintaining balance takes a lot of muscle tension. pacing or shifting when you need to be upright might feel a lot better & relieve some tension. it's not always feasible but it can help. also a nice low-impact exercise if you want/need it, just make sure you walk somewhere with plenty of places to sit & take a break. (swimming and yoga are also nice but can be a lot less accessible so they may or may not be feasible)
posture: this is a big one for folks with low tone, because less tone = more effort to maintain posture = slouching. no shame, im right there with you, but it can cause neck and back pain. plus it can make breathing hard which means you get tired faster. so what i try to do is pick a particular hallway at school and just check my posture every time i walk down it. eventually you can expand this to more hallways/the walk to the fridge/etc. take it slow, this can be really tiring.
strengthening: this is pretty specific to low tone, but strengthening your muscles can make maintaining posture etc easier on your body. that said, USE CAUTION. go slowly. ask for help. if your joints hurt stop & reassess.
sit & be fit: ok so probably not specifically this program because it's been off the air for years, but exercise programs aimed at the elderly are a godsend. this was already mentioned for stretching but also in general they're aimed at gentle strengthening & stretching and can be great for joint pain. plus they might have different modifications for each exercise to fit people with different needs. also. goofy outfits if the show's old enough
pain rec anon again: i want to clarify that im not saying your pain is because you're lazy or your fault. it's not, and the fact that you're being told that is total bs. trust me, ive been right where you are and i would not wish that miserable combination of pain and self-doubt on anyone
the reason so many of my tips involved movement or exercise is because the issues that ive experienced and understand the best are essentially postural issues stemming from musculoskeletal weirdness (sadly not a technical term) and movement tends to be the key there. probably not super helpful for pain from other sources but I figured it was worth sending on the off chance
!!!
I think exercise-based advice from other disabled people is… more trustworthy than from abled people, because disabled people 1. Don’t expect it to “fix you” 2. Tend to emphasize caring for yourself and knowing your limits in exercise 3. Actually have experience with exercising while disabled lmao. You get a lot less “uhh just go for a run every day it’s easy and definitely won’t wreck your spoons” and a lot more “here’s some specific exercises that I was able to do well and were helpful, and also won’t totally exhaust you/hurt you”
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Verse Information - Sunset City.
So I added a verse on my carrd for my Discord server, primarily because those muses now have some common ground through there that's easier to fall back on than to completely redo their meetings and dynamics from scratch here. It's by no means the "main" canon for this blog, but here's a post explaining it anyway for anyone who cares enough to know.
Basically, the premise is that every muse in the server gets mysteriously added to a group chat that then gives them access to a hub world called bargain bin Twilight Town Sunset City. From there, they can access the worlds of all the other associated muses. Sunset City is a dreamlike city ( literally ) that gets reshaped based on the minds of those that access it. But lately, the muses have been trying to get to the bottom of what this place really is...
A lot of the major canon divergences apply to the KH muses, and they really just stem from the fact that there's a bit of a sense of linear progression in the server, so Sora was very much in step with my playthrough of the series, so when he died...I kind of had to improvise LMAO. I'll have to improvise again whenever we get more information on KH4, but for now, just consider this a completely alternate timeline to the main canon where he disappears to Quadratum. Some fun things also change for Roxas but not to nearly the same extent as Sora.
Edit: And then the same thing happened to me while writing Noctis. I was writing him in step with my playthrough, then dude had to go and get prophecy'd on me and I had to figure out how to justify continuing to write him; same with my friend who writes Ardyn in the server. So those changes will also be detailed here.
List of all the major divergences below the cut. Where relevant, I'll indicate when a Discord-only muse or mun is being referenced.
Let's start with Roxas, since he's got fewer divergences to hammer out:
Basically, just so I could justify writing him while he was canonically inside Sora's heart and not really existing, he managed to exist in Sunset City during that time, due to Sora's heart manifesting him there and the nature of Sunset City as a dream world. He sort of experienced stuff in Sunset and stuff through Sora's heart as if he were in both places at once. His physical body also couldn't leave Sunset until he was able to link to Xion at the end of KH3.
And for Sora:
Sora's ship in this verse is with my friend's Riku who doesn't write on tumblr, so you'll probably see Soriku referenced in relation to this verse.
After the events of DDD, Sora got a therapy Munna from Emmet ( Discord-only mun ). Sora had trouble sleeping after his Mark of Mastery exam, on account of, y'know, the whole "I almost never woke up and had my body used to house part of Xehanort" thing. Also, nightmares. Lots of them. So since Dream Eaters can only really exist in sleeping worlds, and he can only summon his Meow Wow for short periods of time outside of there, Emmet arranged for Sora to have a therapy Munna. She's a shiny that the Breeders turned over to Emmet because they trusted him to put her into good hands and not just ask for a shiny for its own sake. In fact, he didn't even really ask for a shiny. The Breeders just were like, "oh, this guy's reputable, we can give the shiny to him." Sora named her Munny on account of her gold color, and because Munna sounds like Munny! Munny is bred to be a therapy Pokémon, not a battling Pokémon, so Sora doesn't actively battle with her, but she can help defend him in a pinch.
Jingle doesn't really exist in this verse...yet.
And here's the biggest one: Sora is not in Quadratum, and has not been yet. This divergence is entirely a result of me flying by the seat of my pants and trying to figure out how to continue to write him in the server after he fucking DIED — think "anime adapting an ongoing manga and running out of source material and having to improvise" type of beat. Basically, because of all the friends he made in the server, as well as all of his friends from canon, Sora's heart was able to hold on and wake up in Anti-Sunset, a parallel nightmare counterpart to the pleasant dream of Sunset. He began trying to make his way back to the surface, but was interrupted by a mysterious woman who splintered his heart into several fragments again. Several of the muses in the server formed a rescue party to try and find him. Each of the ten fragments of Sora's heart sensed the group and called out to each of its members, requiring them to help him overcome some of the pain in his heart in order to dispel the darkness that kept them caged and separate from each other. After these ten fragments were obtained, the group was able to safely return home with Sora.
Whenever we eventually get more information about KH4, and potentially a release date, I'll figure out an excuse to eeby deeby him back to Quadratum, but basically, if you see references to a rescue operation for Sora in threads set in this verse, that's what's going on.
Noctis suffered from the same problem as Sora, where I was writing in-game events happening to him as I experienced them, not knowing that was eventually going to result in him perma-dying. This also ended up writing the server's Ardyn into a corner. So here's what we came up with:
After learning his and Ardyn's fate from Bahamut in the Crystal, Noctis decided that — as angry and damaged as Ardyn made him feel, it just wasn't right to kill someone who was also a victim. So instead, he appealed to any humanity Ardyn might have had left in an effort to make a truce, and try to put off the inevitable long enough to look for another way. Incredibly, Ardyn agrees to the truce, and holds back the miasma enough for the group to resume their travels, now with Ardyn in tow, looking for a way to change their future for the better.
Because the prophecy hasn't been fulfilled yet, there are still daemons running about, and the party is doing their best to keep things under control. They basically have Ardyn on a big ol' child leash while he menaces them in less apocalyptic, more just plain old annoying ways.
The point in the Sunset timeline that I write these guys at on the blog jumps around a lot, it just kinda depends how I feel lmao.
#❛ verse: sora ; sunset city.#❛ verse: roxas ; sunset city.#❛ headcanon: sora.#❛ headcanon: roxas.#i'll dump this verse tag for all the involved muses on a separate post lol#kh mutuals i apologize for the level of bullshit under the cut#❛ verse: noctis ; sunset city.#❛ headcanon: noctis.
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i'm a secretive person. i keep a lot of secret. i do have people i trust with my biggest sins tho, who thankfully still accept me as i am. but there's still one thing i never told anyone: my serious struggle with hygiene.
for some reason, admitting i struggle a lot with it to the point of not showering for weeks at a time is just not something i can do. i know that this stems from living with people who are super hygienic and take cleaning seriously, and are quick to get grossed out by even slightly dirty stuff. but also? hygiene, or the lack thereof, is smth that is considered a valid insult by a lot of ppl, even progressive ones. i'm not in the mental state to convey my thoughts much, but what i do know is the shaming of unhygienic and dirty people has gone so bad to the point i'm more willing to admit my biggest wrongdoings that drag me down with guilt than admitting i can not shower for weeks at a time. as someone whose value is basically "i don't care whatever you do as long as it doesn't hurt anyone", it's wild that i consider admitting my actions, which did hurt ppl, as easier than admitting to being unhygienic, which doesnt hurt anyone.
it's also annoying, ngl. like, the fact that i'm too constantly exhausted to the point of not even being able to take care of myself just shows how much my mental state has deteriorated. but because my biggest symptom is the lack of hygiene (which i dont have the guts to admit to people), i cant openly admit that im struggling. whenever i try to open up and seek support, people always say to try doing this and that. but i cannot! if even showering is too hard then how am i supposed to get the energy for things that require more spoons! but ofc i cant say it, not when i have zero guarantee that the other person wont shame me for my lack of hygiene. i do want an outcome where after admitting how much i struggle, the other person turns sympathetic. but seeing at how these ppl treat unhygienic people... yeah nah. never gonna admit it
Hi anon,
Please know you're not alone.
It's okay to be secretive, you don't have to share anything you don't want to, and you deserve the right to choose what is known and what is not. However, you don't deserve to feel silenced about things you'd like to talk about.
It makes sense why hygiene may be a struggle for you - not having enough energy makes it really hard to do such a big task like showering, and afterwards can be even more exhausting.
Please know that not only is there no judgment here, but I understand the fear of scrutiny in this society where everyone is expected to stick to a specific hygienic routine and anyone who doesn't meet this is immediately seen as disgusting, without considering the contributing factors.
I understand that desire for all odds to be in your favor, that anyone who knows about your hygiene habits would be understanding and supportive. It can be really hard to accept that some people simply won't understand and will be disrespectful, but that it's more a reflection of them than you. You are valid no matter what critical people have to say. Internalizing that message is definitely easier said than done, but it is possible.
I think there is some pride to take in the fact that despite you saying that you can't openly admit you're struggling, this is a public space, and so hopefully some of that shame can feel lifted.
I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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