#like i dont know how to feel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

immagods · 20 days

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It's been like 9 hours since I watched the final and I still can't get over it.

For one, I cant believe that they actually let Tech die. I know so many of us really thought that he would come back this season, most likely as cx-2. So to have them kill off cx-2 and not even reveal his face hurt alot. The way that they killed Tech just seemed so open ended, we've seen people survive from super high drops before, and they didnt even show his body. It really feels like they teased his survival with his goggles and the mannerisms that they gave cx-2 just seemed so Tech like. While I'm not autistic and don't rate to him in that aspect, I know he was that one character that so many people could relate to. And I still loved him so much. It just feels like they kinda strung us along with this.

On another hand, I can tell you how happy and relieved I am that the rest of the batch survived this episode. I was so ready for one or more of them to die, but no they all lived!! And then that end scene really made me cry. Omegas all grown up now, like really grown up. And she grew up safe on Pabu too. And old Hunter! Like he's so pretty, island life really suits him good. And then Omega going to fight in the rebellion, and she has pieces of the batch with her. I sobbed when I saw Tech's glasses and that she's wearing Hunters bandana. I hope she runs into Hera at some point.

Over all I loved the final and think it was amazing, even if I wish they did somethings different.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself now that it's over..

I hope they make a show with Rex and Echo leading the clone rebellion.

#like i dont know how to feel #im in mourning #but also at peace #really im in shambles #star wars #the bad batch #tbb #starwars #sw #the bad batch season 3 #sw tbb season 3 #sw tbb s3 #sw tbb spoilers #sw tbb #the bad batch spoiler #the bad batch s3 #the bad batch season three spoilers #sw tbb ep15 s3 spoilers #sw tbb ep15 s3

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nonebinary-leftbeef · 11 months

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DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one

#i've been listening to icarus by bastille #and for some reason my brain fills in 'this is how it feels to take a fall' as 'this is how it feels to take off all your skin'#and like fuck man #and I KNOW that’s technically not a misheard lyric but my post my rules cope #anyway my line now #also probably phrased this poorly but its ok #im allowed to be incomprehensible #as a treat #and then fuckin #from we sink by of monsters and men #the original line was 'please look away dont look at me'#and i kept hearing it as 'please learn a way to look at me'#anyway #shoving this post in the queue but please be aware that i am writing it very late at night #q

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inkskinned · 10 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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charlottan · 2 months

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im like always resisting the urge in conversation to go "can you perceive me? are you perceiving me? do i feel like a real person to you? am i fully a person? what does it feel like to talk to me? how do you think about my place in your interpretation of the world? what do i mean to you? do i seem put together? do i seem like i know what im doing? do i seem competent? what is the version of me inside your head like?"

#its so weird to be a person perceived by anybody else. i feel like im different in a bad way. i dont know how to put it better than that #journ

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ariescults · 15 days

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#MeganMonday: I Think I love Her Freestyle

#megan thee stallion #megantheestallionedit #tinasnowz #dailywomen #userstallion #femalegifsource #*gif #my god i dont know how to tag anymore sos #anyways.. MY MEGAAAN i havent made gifs in a million yrs n you can tell but like.. i was feeling inspired clearly <3

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araneapeixes · 2 months

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in the bathroom at the gay clubbbb

#a less edited version added for plausible deniability that its not a mirror selfie #bc i know astarion shouldnt be visible in the mirror. but the vision was too strong #anyways on the dancefloor shadowheart is doing those goth girl dances from tiktok #and astarion is doing the fork in the garbage disposal #they dont get any btw bc they get too drunk on tequila and end up throwing up outside and #astarion has to call wyll to pick them up. he does of course #at the same time laezel and karlach are getting into a bar brawl someplace else #and gale is going snork mimimi at home:)#i really like how the shading came out here. adding highlights really helps with 3d shapes #and the way ive shaded shadowhearts torso had me feeling like pygmalion ngl #bg3 #baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #shadowheart #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 modern au #i NEED to draw shad in more outfits

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crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington · 5 days

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getting used to domestic life

#ethan winters #karl heisenberg #wintersberg #resident evil #resident evil fanart #rebhfun #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #re8 #karl does not know how to deal with his feelings #“sorry u feel like u needed a apology”#LOOOL #noo hes not that bad #karl doesnt seem like the type of guy to apologize #i dont think hed ever say it verbally #hes too arrogant and stubborn for that #he WOULD make ethan something as a spology #im sorry we argued i made u a attachable turret that will kill everyone u dont like

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moondirti · 5 days

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blue collar simon x gn! reader. implied cnc.

Simon finds a journal on his lunch break.

It's inconspicuous. A5 black moleskin with an elastic holding it's contents together, bits of paper sticking out like nails on a poorly constructed house frame. He only notices it because his cooler slips off the bench when he blindly places it atop the fat book, sandwiches and packets of crisps now strewn across the dirty pedway.

The day's already been shit. A motley of blows, each made worse by the torrid sun overhead, sweat to cling to his grievances. An uptight site manager. A near loss of life after some tenderfoot got caught in between an excavation truck and the wall. Even his too-long hair, which curls around red ears – having not had a chance to buzz it off since being called in for this job. It's no wonder, then, that the tiny mishap stirs as severe of a reaction as it does; he chucks his hard hat across the road, satisfied only when it finds its fate mid-lane, an obstruction to inevitably fuck the tires on a white collar's new car.

When his rage settles as smouldering ash in his chest, he picks his food off the floor and cracks open the source of his animosity.

With no name or number, the first page holds just a chicken-scratch address. Interesting. Its owner hasn't made this easy on him, crafting it like one would a game. A skewing of traditional acquaintance. Granting nothing of their superficial identity, yet unrestricted access to their innermost thoughts. Thus he's forced to paint his own picture of the figure behind the words.

And what a picture indeed.

The first entry is brief.

13.02 – My therapist expects at least three pages a week. I'm not doing any of that, so don't get your hopes up.

It's evident that you don't stick to your guns. Though the next one is dated several months later, so he see's the attempt had been made. Written in a whole new hand, like you'd picked a dry pen off the floor and practiced your non-dominant grip:

08.05 – I broke my arm playing tennis. The umpire called a match-point in my opponent's favour and I threw the racket at his head.

I am no longer allowed to play tennis. What good is that resolution? My radius has a greenstick fracture. I'm already out of the game.

His laugh is abrasive and sudden, like it'd been pried from his chest by a pair of careless hands. Or as close to that analogy as it can get – your anger is intoxicating and only grows more potent across the pages. Inadvertently amusing. Simon chews through the tough crust of his torpedo roll as he reads, time wearing away under the stiff comb of your words.

There's hardly any variation in your cataloguing –

10.06 – The universe must need more bad people in it, because it tests my limits everyday. Can the fuck next door snore any louder? It's 2 am, goddammit. I wonder if it'd be overkill to ship nasal strips to his mailbox.

26.06 – Dad called today. Didn't pick up.

04.07 – I'm close to killing Kathleen. There's a reason the food in the fridge is labelled as MINE. GET YOUR GRUBBY PAWS OFF OF IT!

13.07 – The world is a shitty, stupid, crappy, icky, lousy, rotten, stinking, stinky, bad place. I hate my coworkers and friends and parents and landlord and etc etc. It's like everyone is out to get me.

– so it's like the honed curl of a hook. Whiplash-inducing, reeling his attention so quick that his neck strains in phantom pain. Simon stops everything, elbows settling onto his knees as he fixates on one entry in particular.

30.07 – I stand by what I said. The world is uniquely horrible. I think that's because I make it that way for myself. Whatever this exercise was meant to do for me, rage relief or introspection or whatever, it's clearly not working. I'm just as angry as I was before. Maybe burning these pages would help. I wish I could play tennis again. I don't know what to do with my hands anymore. I got fired last week. Need groceries. Eggs, spinach. Spinach always goes bad and I never make use of it. I keep buying it though. Dad keeps calling. I've got a migraine and I've run out of advil.

I just need someone to put me in my place.

And it ends there. No more entries after the fact, just a handful of blank pages before the journal wraps to a close.

He flips back over to the address at front. Looking at it a second time, he can tell the ink is still fresh.

Perhaps he misinterprets it. Perhaps it hits a little too close to home. It wouldn’t be the first time he looks for salvation in the empty lines someone leaves behind. Perhaps it’s just been a bad day, and he should go home before he does something he’ll regret. Perhaps it’s nothing at all.

Or–

Perhaps he sees it for what it is.

Here are all my colours. What you choose to do, or think, is no longer my concern.

#mostly a vent fic LMFAO #then he breaks into ur house and takes u as a pet like how all my fics end.🙄#mmnnmn i dont know how to feel about this!!#but thats no longer my problem #simon ‘ghost’ riley x reader #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley

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samgatinho · 1 month

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redraw of a redraw of my first ever life series fanart !!!!

previous drawings under the cut :-)

january 2023, redraw

june 2022, original drawing

#grian #goodtimeswithscar #desertduo #grian fanart #desertduo fanart #got bored of the plain dark bg so i added some stuff :D #i actually changed a lot of things...#and still #2 years have passed and i still dont know how to draw cats #sobs uncontrollably #i feel like my artstyle has gotten sillier #samgatinho

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umblrspectrum · 1 month

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being grounded from devices means nothing when you have a robot boyfriend

#i think im getting better with different angles #its obviously not perfect but this is like 1 of 3 times i've ever drawn a character at this angle #n was unreasonably hard to get right here but uhmm i figured it out hopefully #she IS winning. gamer pro #real talk. n would be cracked at fps games. he's been living like one for at least a couple years #he also sits in the tism way. it just feels right i think #dont ask how uzi's playing on that controller she doesnt know either #art #murder drones #murder drones uzi #murder drones n #serial designation n

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littlerosette · 3 months

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every so often i remember that katniss canonically dreamt of having peeta’s kid and then woke up the next morning feeling happy. in the quarter quell. she’s insane

#i think she specifically calls it a ‘warm delicious feeling’ she knows is associated with peeta #which is even crazier i love herrrrrr #i dont even have a word for how down bad that is it’s like comical #katniss: i want to be pregnant with his child does that mean he’s my friend?#everlark #the hunger games

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toytulini · 22 days

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okay

#toy txt post #toy poll post #polls #flowers #i dont think i have ever beem able to smell specific flower scents but i think i just never noticed it?#but i Definitely noticed it when i was posting pictures of the lemon tree blossoms and ppl were like 'ohhh those must smell amazing!'#and i was like. idk they smell like flowers to me.#and other ppl were like ohhh they smell like. a little hint of lemon essential oil and so sweet and light and nice and i was like #sniffs again. yeah not getting all that bud. but i let everyone have fun imagining that in the comments #but idk they all just kinda smell to me like. i would describe it as a pollen scent?#it gives pollen vibes #and like i can smell Plenty Of Other Things like i feel like im very susceptible to noticing the smell of this sat in the washing machine #too long. etc. and its not from the One Time i caught covid either. cos it was before that #seems largely fine but you know how we aroaces like to make posts like man i thought yall were just exaggerating about this for yrssss #thats how im feeling about the flower smell i think. are yall really smelling differences or is this some wine tasting placebo shit

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october-cryptixx · 3 months

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aro/ace themed valentine's day teddy bears ^^ because i just recently found out i might be arospec but also just cuz like..... why not