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anantaru · 1 year

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ARE YOU DEAF, OR JUST STUPID?

— ꒰ synopsis ꒱ — visiting a club at night wasn't something scaramouche would normally agree on, but when someone asks if you're single all of a sudden, the night appeared to become all the more eventful.

— ꒰ word count ꒱ — 800 words

— ꒰ genre ꒱ — fluff & crack, he's a jealous man with a dream, gn! reader

the hefty, immersive atmosphere encompassing your body was erratic, shining and full of lucent light.

you can perceive the differences in scents colliding with each other in the humid air of the underground club you were currently visiting as your boyfriend scaramouche was anything else but delighted to be here.

at least you're with him, but he simply doesn't get the appeal of being ringed in between infuriating, boring, pesky little humans having fun.

indeed, he has been playing the grumpy card for the majority of the time, fairly speaking, 'grumpy' was a comical understatement.

most of all, he cannot even convince himself to go out, don't even mention manipulating himself into thinking he likes it. because what's there to like? the noisy crowd or the blaring music blasting into his poor ears with people wildly shaking their bodies to the pesky tune, including you— who thankfully was only having eyes for him, also gleefully dancing and swaying your body as your boyfriend only watched;

stone-cold features not moving a muscle, unbothered and ready to go home again.

but then, the atmosphere changes when you feel someone tap on your shoulder, "sorry if this is weird." you flinch immediately by surprise, noticing the man behind you as you pull your head aside to face him.

"but are you single pretty?"

ugh, double ugh.

yet if you were being quite honest with yourself now, you're already laughing and were feeling just a little bad for the random guy asking you such a question not knowing what storm he had just conjured— because he does not even see that scaramouche was also standing next to you, mouth tight and swallowing, clearly not pleased by that insignificant insect, as he called him, bothering his partner while having fun.

"what?" scaramouche doesn't waste a single breath and spits out immediately, right away cutting you off the conversation entirely and inserting himself into the middle of you and the stranger so he couldn't bother you anymore, even if he tried. "what did you say?"

"w-wait, who are you?" the stranger forces a smile on his tensed face, strikingly irritated.

"are you deaf?" well, again, to make things clear, you should maybe pray to the archons now, clearly not for your boyfriend but for the odd man there. if it wasn't this hilarious. but you silently tug on scaramouche's arm to signal him that it was in fact, okay, and you could simply handle this alone, but you would also lie to yourself if you'd say that it wasn't cute, quite charming too, of him to be this animated, let alone protective right now.

scaramouche feels his throat tighten but doesn't let any anger run down, it's pointless and he would only make people notice him even more. "i don't want any troubles." the man silences down, feeling a warm, embarrassing hotness on his neck and his shoulders shrug inwards, because how possibly couldn't he react that way?

presently, he was being watched up and down, up and down, closely, with those indigo eyes boring sharp, burning daggers into his flesh and bones. "then you better leave."

"because there's no one single here, leave." scaramouche takes a step forward, "do you i have to spell it out for you or are you just that stupid?"

you could've sworn you heard a little 'no' leaving past the guys lips, yet the irksome stranger ultimately decided to take a haste leave instead, thankfully, but not before awkwardly glancing towards you and back to scaramouche, grinning through his tensed mouth, as if not knowing how to possibly tackle a situation like that, ever.

"you didn't have to do this, you know." you sneakily whisper into scaramouche's ear, "but then." and you begin to ponder dramatically in front of him, wrapping your arms around his body as you perceived his muscles lose on tension, "i wouldn't have been able to see this cute side of you."

what followed next was quite a sight to behold— that sicken, repulsed look on scaramouche face was award worthy, the best one in all of teyvat, but you loved that about him and place a soft, pleasing kiss on his parted lips before he was able to say anything back.

"i'm not cute." yet his response brushes over your lips regardless, his warm breath coating your own while he leaned into your warmth, gracefully accepting your candied kisses that were his treasured favorites.

"lets leave this place before i track that sucker down."

#scaramouche x reader #genshin x reader #genshin Impact x reader #scaramouche x you #genshin x you #genshin Impact x you #scaramouche x y/n #genshin impact scaramouche x reader #wanderer x reader #wanderer x you #Genshin Impact drabbles #genshin drabbles #Genshin Impact scaramouche

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suchawrathfullamb · 4 months

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One thing I don't get is how can some fans see and write Hannibal as protective or caring of Will? He never cared about Will's safety, he has done so much damage to Will's body, it's out of character that he'd suddenly care...I don't know, I just feel like it's wishful thinking of shippers. I ship them too but I'm not delusional about Hannibal...He would still hurt Will in season 4 and I hate when fics write him as if he gives a fuck about Will's well being.

Oh wow. Okay.

Hannibal has known pain in a way most people around him have not. He has known cold, hunger, loss, abandonment, violence and death and god knows what else. All of this before his rational mind was fully developed, which essentially means his mind was shaped through those experiences. That's what it's ingrained in him, regardless of anything else, even the luxurious and opulent life he built for himself years later.

"God" throws his seeds in the air, violently, and they scatter everywhere. Some fall on fertile soil, and grow to become beautiful, strong trees. Some fall on rocky ground and don't yield any fruits. And some fall on thorns, and those thorns choke them. God is ruthless and careless, but not all of his seeds become the byproduct of his violence. But some do. That's just the way it is.

So the first part of this answer is not an attempt to justify Hannibal's behavior, but simply put it into context. No, he didn't have to punish the world for his own suffering. But he chose to do so. Well, I personally don't believe it's a choice, per se, but more of an illusion of choice. People tend to think they are always choosing how to act, but digging into human psyche, you'd find that no, you never had a choice. Free will is an illusion. The reasons behind your behavior go way back, to places you cannot reach. But that's besides the point.

So, again, don't take this as a justification. Hannibal is what he is, and does what he does.

Hannibal found himself at the mercy of a merciless, careless, amoral God, in his formative years. And so he mirrored that God, "can't beat them, join them" sort of deal. If God is careless, so will he be, if God is amoral, then so will he be. If He gives and takes as he pleases, then so will him. If he delights in bloodshed, then so will him. He won't try to please God, he will please himself. He won't worship God, he will worship pleasure, because it is the antithesis of what he feels. We worship that which we desire to experience, or that which we perceive as the opposite of what we're trying to escape from, the remedy for our specific wound. if you fear death, worship him, the one who conquered it and rose victorious above it. Or if you fear your own desires, the same one offers you to be cleanse of those things you perceive as shameful. Whatever you fear, there's a God for you.

And Hannibal's God, at least for most of his life, would become the big P's: Pleasure and Power. It's only a little funny that in order to experience one, you need to let go of the other, at least to some degree.

Hannibal is so afraid of the pain and vulnerability he felt, having perceived it as lethal, that he learned how to remain in absolute control of himself and his environment. He was, in his mind, unaffected by God. You can't hurt him, because he does not expect You not to. In fact, he expects the worst out of You.

He collects church collapses to remind himself that God does not care, since He is destroying his dedicated worshippers. To remind himself of how little his own destructions matter, how small they are, compared to God's.

So, play a little Will Graham here and see through his mind. Walk in his shoe and see. If you do so, you'll never think that him caring about Will is out of character because he hurts him.

Will did something to Hannibal that only God was able to. He made him vulnerable, made him feel out of control. Not even his sister was able to fully accomplish that. Hannibal loved Mischa, but he ate her to prove to himself (and to God), that he was beyond love. That even if he loved, he was still stronger than that feeling. That it wouldn't overpower him. Our NBC Hannibal didn't eat Mischa because he had to. He ate her to forgive her, for making him love her. "I forgive you for being so lovely, and now I will consume you to dominate this weakness". He wasn't able to do that to Will, and he wasn't going to. Bryan Fuller has confirmed he wasn't going to go through with it in the head sawing scene. No matter how hard he tries, Will always conquers him.

Imagine what this must feel like for Hannibal. He had the will to eat his sister. God took her away from him, violently, and he was still capable of defying Him by willingly consuming her, "you do what you will, but I'm still stronger, you are not capable of destroying me, look what I can do with the pain you give me". It's as if Hannibal sees God as a ruthless father who keeps testing him, over and over again. Beating him in the face, repeatedly, and all he needs to do is take it, bloody and smiling, as if he's enjoying it, as if God's intention of causing pain is futile. Does that evoke a certain scene from the show in your memory?

Hannibal finds some people slightly interesting, some disposable, some inconvenient, and most boring. He sees them as weak, mostly. They haven't endured what he has, they complain about things that are frivolous to him, they care about things that don't matter to him, and mostly, they would never relate to him, to his view of life. They'd be scared, or disgusted by him. He knows he's a monster in most people's perspective. Does he see himself as a monster? He tries not to. He looks at his church collapses whenever he feels this thought creeping inside his head. Yes, of course he sees himself as a monster. But he works very hard to argue against that...After all, God is so much worse.

Arrogance is not a an actual belief of superiority. It's just a mask for a deep feeling of inadequacy. It's an overcompensation. He has learned, from the way he was raised, and the type of people around him, that politeness and etiquette are signs of dominance, and most importantly, the opposite of what most tend to consider ugliness and brutality. Someone harmed him very gently. A nice and friendly person. No one believed him. And so, he learned the best character to play was this exact one.

I could be wrong, this isn't canon, it's just the most obvious explanation. But regardless if Hannibal is the way he is independently of the trauma, as Mads stated, that doesn't mean he didn't adapt, evolve, become. I already established that I do not think he is the way he is because of his trauma, I'm still going along with canon. But I see him as just one of God's little seeds that didn't fall on good soil. But he's still a human being, regardless if he's the incarnation of Satan, he's still incarnated, literally meaning born in flesh. He still has a linear story, a way of becoming, of flourishing (or withering) in a manner that his thorns could rise from his skin and harm others, even if they were there all along.

Punishing "the rude" is a way of justifying his own motives. Can't kill other killers, that would be hypocritical of him, he's not trying to be a vigilante, he's beyond that. Can't kill people who remind him of those who harmed in the past, that would be vindictive of him, therefore a display of weakness, as if he's still affected by them. So? Kill whoever is rude, disrespectful, unrefined out of pettiness. It's petulant and it is flippant (in most cases, that homophobic medical consultant may or may not had it coming, I didn't say it, you did), but it's the only reason he found. Other killers may kill because they can, because whatever. Hannibal needed to justify it to himself, in a way that still put him in a position of power. Again, vengeance or vigilance is too affective to his liking. He doesn't like playing good or bad. He just likes playing.

Here comes Will Graham with his rude, dismissive, agitated, grumpy and messy behavior. He's arrogant, he's childish, he lacks control of himself, yet everyone sees him as innocent, pure, genuine. What a punch to the stomach. Hannibal has to try so hard to be seen as innocent. And there goes this mongoose, acting all crazy and everybody treats him like an injured puppy. But he's just like Hannibal, he has thorns peaking out of his back, forcing their way out. And he's still able to be perceived as innocent? Oh no. Not on Hannibal's watch. So he turns people against him.

Hannibal's very aware of how Will affects people around him. He knew Alana liked him, he even told Will in the first episode, in the breakfast scene, but they cut the line out. He wanted to know if Will liked her back, but was dismissed. He tells him how Jack sees him as fragile, tells Alana they have Will dressed in moral dignity, pants, "nothing is his fault". He's very aware of how Will is able to evoke this type of unconditional compassion.

But then it affects him.

He wasn't expecting it, he was surely not prepared for it. All he knew was to hurt. Eat him like he did his sister. Hannibal realized his feelings were deepening in the opera episode, the singer who played that part (of the opera singer) said she chose the aria specifically for this, because it was like Hannibal was realizing he had a heart. He cried. Later on, Will told him he kissed Alana and that his connection to the killer, Tobias, was getting stronger ("it's our song"). This affects Hannibal in a way that disturbs him, and so he acts impulsively and sends Will to Tobias. "I do not care about him, see?". Denial.

What a shocker when he has to face the truth that he does, in fact, care. He looks defeated, and submissive in that scene ("I was worried you were dead"), even their physical positions mirrors that...But, "I got here on my own", he insists on remarking, after Will says he feels like he dragged Hannibal into his world. No. You didn't. I am here because I chose to be. I am still in control.

After that, he cannot lie to himself any longer, he knew what he felt when he thought he had lost Will. And so, it only got worse from that point on. Now, he was aware of his feelings and actively fighting them. All of his actions were an attempt to eradicate Will, as a way to eradicate his feelings towards him, to prove to himself that he can still overpower his feelings, "see? I can still do what I want with you, my feelings for you do not stop me". And Will rejects him for the first time, in that kitchen. And he still loves him. How infuriating. So he decides, "No, I will not jeopardize my own freedom for you." Anger.

When he saw Will in prison for the first time, you could almost see the exhilaration in his eyes. To cage the one who controls you, how divine of a feeling. He is elated. At first.

It seems that it takes Hannibal a few shocks to realize that he does care, a lot, about Will. And so he realizes that, once more. And needs to deal with it...Again. Meanwhile his inner world is spinning out of control, it is becoming a grand, beautiful mess, and he cannot stop himself, even though he is trying very hard to.

Bedelia brings him to awareness by telling him he's obsessed. "I'm intrigued", he tries, mostly to himself. Obsessed? Him? No, it can't be. Nobody is capable of doing this to him. Obsession indicates a lack of control, the incapacity to take one's mind off of a subject. Just imagine the war he was battling inside himself.

When Will tries to kill him (by proxy) he is as satisfied as he is hurt. Satisfied because he was right, Will is a killer. Hurt because he did almost die. The night he lets Alana kiss him and decides to engage with her, it's the night Jack made it clear Hannibal was a suspect. He felt alone without Will, and Alana made him feel less alone, "walking away what does that leaves us with?", he asks, "each other", she says. He does appreciate her, even if she doesn't truly see him and when she eventually does, she's afraid, she's still better than nothing, and convenient for his alibi. But it's more than that. This is the woman who had (has) feelings for Will, and those feelings seemed to be reciprocated, at least to some extent and at some point. Having her is like conquering Will in a petty way. "She rejected you. You rejected me. Now we're together", it says.

But he still sees potential in Will, in their union, and he still cannot deal with the ache of being without him. And so he finds a way to get him back, let his bird out of the cage, unbound, even if it means danger. He's so lost in his feelings that he allows himself to be deluded, to believe, to open himself up. And even after realizing the betrayal, he still couldn't let go, and offered his carefully crafted life, up, "we could disappear tonight". And when Will says "you were supposed to leave", he doesn't interpret it as protection, he hears it as rejection. Again. He did the same thing to Hobbs, not because he cared, but because he wanted to. He doesn't think Will did that because he cares, at most, he thinks he did because he felt guilty for lying. But mostly, this is Will rejecting him again. He is devastatingly hurt, and Will stands like God, so cold, so cruel. But at least you have a body, so I'll hurt your body, since I can't hurt your feelings, apparently. "You think you can change me?", denial, "I already did," the truth, spitting on his face. So he ends Abigail, because to Hannibal, Will cared about her, he protected her, he had compassion for her. But not him, so she will be Will's pain. "No, you haven't changed me. See? I'm still the monster". The monster he tries to convince himself he isn't, the monster he tried to show Will he wasn't, but Will didn't want that gift. That burden, that curse. But he'll call it a gift, to make himself feel better. After all, he's so much better than everyone else and seeing him in all his truth is such an honor...Isn't it?

He knows Will is right, even if he kills Abigail to prove a point, in his mind, he knows he's right (the script says so). So really, there is no point in denying anymore. But can still move on, overcompensating for the dark, endless pit in his soul, with opulence and a smile. Until Will comes to him, and once again, he cannot handle himself, and he's at it again, acting completely reckless and out of control.

"I forgive you", hope. Then Will tries to kill/harm him. And he's so done. With everything. Everything. How many times will Will Graham shake him out of his center, ruin his sense of self, spin him out of control, play him, hurt him? Leave him? No more, that's how many. He's done. He's ending it. And he knows he won't live without him. He's so deranged in that scene, so...Out of it, almost uncharacteristically insane. Consuming his God, finally. "I'll do this, so the pain will stop," he bargains.

Then, he would most likely end himself indirectly after that. After all, "suicide is the enemy", but letting himself get caught after a lifetime of expertly evading it, isn't the same now, is it? Of course not. Surrendering to the authorities even though you are certain you'll get the death penalty isn't the same as suicide, of course not. Refuting your insanity plea that saved you from getting the death penalty also isn't suicide, of course not. Not at all. Neither is allowing God to throw you off the cliff, even though you made it very clear that you were aware of His intentions.

Hannibal Lecter loves Will Graham to the point of insanity. He hurts him out of insanity, out of the inability to surrender to his love. When he finally does, he regrets what he did to Will. He's so insanely filled with regret he tries to reverse time. He's acting maniacally, and then he's rejected again. And just...Gives up. Accepts it. "He knew Will would come back, it was just another manipulation"...He gave up his freedom and risked his life just to be petty? Sure. You tell yourself that cause it's exactly what he'd rather you believe in.

At the end, he looks at a weapon and considers hurting Will, but he can't. He knows Dolarhyde is watching. Knows where he is. Will tells him he doesn't think he can save himself, and maybe that's okay. Hannibal clocks him right there, and his compassion for Will is inconvenient as he steps in front of him and takes the bullet. It's inconvenient when he allows Will to pull them off the cliff just to be able to hold him, even if it's for first and last time, because he'd rather die than live without him.

After all, how do you leave without your God once you've been graced by His glory?

So no. I don't this logic makes sense, anon. You're interpreting Hannibal as a person who follows one logic, when he in fact, "follows several trains of thought at once without distraction from any". And one of the trains is love.

#lamb writes #meta #analysis #this took me forever i went into a deep place in my own fucking psyche okay i need to lay down #hannigram #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #murder husbands #hannibal lecter #hugh dancy #mads mikkelsen #ask the lamb #fanfic #season 4

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franzkafkagf · 4 days

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The fact that Aegon loving his children it’s even book canon. TGC is describing Aegon’s personality as it is hinted in the book and yet people is mad.

Tom literally acknowledges he is not a good parent but he loves his children.It makes total sense that he would have a complicated relationship with fatherhood based on how his father treated him. Or that in his mind, he wants to be better than Viserys.

Thank you anon! You're exactly right, we've always known from the book that he loved his children. Adding onto that is that we have barely seen 20 minutes of Aegon until now, if the early reviews are true we'll get 15 minutes of Aegon in the first episode ALONE. Of course we find out much more about the character, we barely know anything about him!

This made me wonder; what do we know about Aegon?

We meet Aegon for the first time in episode 3 of season 1. He is just a two year-old who plays with a wooden dragon toy and yet the older characters around him only see him as a threat, a pawn or, by his father, as a replacement— watching the episode it's clear to me that Viserys wanted Baelon, Aegon cannot be Baelon. It's pretty telling that the only positive on-screen interactions Aegon has with his father are in this episode. He is a little kid still, Viserys can project his wishes and fantasies about Baelon onto him, something he isn't able to do once his son is grown up.

I think it's pretty crucial to understand this part of Aegon's and Viserys' relationship— the perfect ideal of Baelon (he killed the only woman he ever loved for the perfect son; you cannot come back from that) stands between them, like a shadow Aegon could never escape and a standard he could never meet.

We don't really see Aegon again until episode 6— he is a teenager now and thus a completely different person. The little baby from episode 3 has been shaped by years of neglect, unfulfilled expectations, and the toxic dynamics within the family. What has he become? He is a 15 year old with problematic relationship to alcohol that is used as the punching bag of the family. He jacks off from windows (welcome back Roman Roy!), leers at maids and bullies his younger brother.

Teen Aegon is perceived as a disappointment by his grandfather, who sees him just as a weakling and a pawn to be controlled (a belief he still holds at the start of season 2 apparently). His mother projects her own ambitions, resentments and fears onto him.

These behaviors are all very troubling and someone should've done something to prevent these habits from festering within him; no one did. I honestly feel like no one really cares about him that much.

And yet, there is also so much postitive to be said about this iteration of him too, glimpses of Aegon's potential for goodness and his capacity for loyalty. You might call it naivety, but Aegon seems to believe in the good in people— he trusted Rhaenyra not to hurt him or his brothers if she was to become queen (something I agree with). He also seems to treat his nephews well enough, he doesn't seem to care about the bastard-allegations -> he also seems to be friends with bastards as an adult! Eddard Waters belongs to his entourage, this informs his character— yes he is an entitled prince, but there's also an element to him that is endearingly down-to-earth.

Another notable example is in episode 7, he decided to protect his mother after Aemond blamed him for spreading rumors about his nephews' legitimacy . He never cared about the rumors, yet he stood his ground and shielded his mother when faced with his father's wrath.

Ty Tennant does such a great job here. The scene highlights his complexity— he is not simply a drunken disappointment, a villain or a victim, but a young man trapped in a situation he doesn't seem to be able to get out of.

When we next see Aegon, he is in his early twenties, and the toll his upbringing took on him is evident. His introduction in episode 8 is a hefty one. He is shown sleeping off a hangover, his drinking habit from his youth has fully established itself in him. His mother yells at him, tries to get him to understand the consequences of his behavior— he has raped a maid, something that, disturbingly, is not new for him. This moment speaks volumes about the man the little boy from episode 3 has become: flawed, morally compromised, and numbed by his vices.

Further even, Aegon engages in activities that reflect a deep-seated cruelty and a disconnection from others— watching toddlers rip each other apart in brutal fights shows his general desensitization and apathy to everything. These behaviors are obviously unacceptable, but this is a fictional character we are talking about and you know what these behaviors tell me about him? These are just manifestation of the dehumanizing effects of his upbringing.

He is desperate to be loved but destined to be hated — Tom Glynn Carney

Because characters can be multi-faceted and complex, Aegon fights off insecurities and still yearns for love and acceptance from those around him. Him acting out like this can be read as misguided attempts to drown out the background noise, to try to assert control in a world where he feels constantly undermined and unloved. However, his actions only serve to alienate him further from the people he wants to be accepted by.

Aegon's aversion to the throne and his rejection of the responsibilities that come with it are just other manifestations of his deep-seated apathy. He despises the very idea of kingship and what it represents. He doesn't want to take up responsibility become a pawn, he yearns to run away but he himself knows that he will never be able to run.

The carriage ride to the sept and the coronation are gifts that keep on giving. It's all so horribly tragic. He never wanted this. Crowning him will kill him, he knows this is his end deep down!

He is so preoccupied with what his father wanted, Baelon is absolutely still haunting the narrative— his father's desire for him to embody virtues he never possessed or could aspire to (BAELON) are still at the forefront of his thoughts.

As he walks to receive the crown, he is literally crying, this single moment encapsulates it all so well. He is man who, despite his privileged position, is trapped by the very power and responsibility he was born into but never desired for.

But then, at the very end of episode 9, we see a shift in Aegon— something else to him that will be at the forefront of his character in season 2. He finally gets the adoration and the purpose he always sought after with the crown. The moment he realizes that the smallfolk is cheering for him is the moment the apathy that defined him up until now begins to lose its grip, replaced by newfound determination.

This change in Aegon will be furthered by the death of Jaehaerys, a source of pride and a reminder for him that he is capable to create and care for something precious and pure (thank you TGC) -> I won't go into this deeper, let's wait until the season airs.

In conclusion, a wise woman once said that apathy is death. For so much of his life Aegon embodied apathy, only for the very thing he feared most (kingship) to make him rethink everything. Aegon will be driven by his determination, but this path will lead to his destruction, consuming him until there is barely anything left of him. It will ultimately tear him apart; he is both redeemed and ruined by the weight of a crown he never wanted.

#aegon ii targaryen #tom glynn carney #hotd meta #hotd #princess i love you.#house of the dragon #ales.txt #asks #vizzy t you done fucked up

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bayesic-bitch · 3 months

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How could consciousness possibly not be real? I'm here perceiving shit and having internal experience all day. Surely you are too. So is "consciousness isn't real" just semantics, playing with the definition of "consciousness"? Or what?

So, this comes down to two main arguments: 1) I don't have to explain consciousness, I just have to explain your perception of your own consciousness and your belief that it's real, and 2) consciousness being real but not acting on the physical world does nothing to explain the former anyway -- odds are you're categorically wrong about what your own experience is.

We talked about 2) last time this came up. But to recap, basically the idea is that Chalmers and other modern epiphemoninalists avoid the problem of dualism breaking physics by taking this position: the world can create internal experiences, but internal experiences don't act on the world. Physical events can cause qualia, but qualia cannot cause physical events. This is necessary because if qualia could cause physical events, then you could observe that effect scientifically. Once you observe it, you can study it, quantify it, and then you would have to make a place for souls in the standard model. Very few philosophers think that's likely. But if qualia can't cause physical events, that poses problems too -- namely you saying "I see a red apple" is a physical, observable event, so it can't have been caused by qualia. So under this view, all your reportable beliefs about your own conscious experiences have no causal relation to your actual conscious experiences. And while it's conceivable that your beliefs about your qualia just so happen to line with your actual qualia despite there being no connection, that seems like an absurd coincidence -- there's no reason to believe that you are correct about any of your qualia, ever, and we know for sure that our conversation here is causally isolated from both of our actual experiences.

And all of this is something Chalmers & co are willing to accept, because at present it seems like this is the only way to make substance dualism work and not contradict physics.

@nightcore-nasheed mentioned that there's a similar argument for property dualism, but I'm nowhere near as familiar with it, so I'll leave that aside.

Now we can return to 1). At this point, we've proposed a view of consciousness that "takes consciousness seriously", but this does nothing to explain our belief in our own consciousness. Dennett in particular wants to say that this is the only thing we need to explain. I don't have any direct, voiceable evidence of my own qualia. I know I feel things, and I know other people also say they feel things, and those are the things I need to explain. The solution is then to turn this into a psych/neurobio problem -- why is it that we have persistent beliefs in our own consciousness? Is it evolutionarily helpful to have such a belief? There's a couple not-absurd answers you could have here. For instance, when the brain is Turing-complete or nearly so, it is necessarily impossible to deterministically model our own thought processes (because of the halting problem). We must necessarily view our own minds as being irreducible to themselves, even if they are physically reducible. And extending this notion to others simply involves generalizing from our own experiences.

If this seems unsatisfying, well, yeah, a bit. But as we said before, substance dualists are also committed to a position like this, because they hold that the brain acts purely independently of input from qualia. To an epiphenomenalist like Chalmers, consciousness is still an illusion in the brain, it just also happens to be correct for unrelated reasons.

So the position of Dennett and other more-or-less reducible physicalists is: why do this? why add the bizarre complexity of an extra-physical realm with no evidence to support it, if it doesn't even explain why we say we are conscious? Better to just accept that our belief in our internal experience is incorrect and try to figure out why than to add all these extra hoops to jump through. Besides, our conversation would be causally isolated from both of our qualia anyway -- since they can't affect our conversation no matter what, it's categorically impossible to learn anything useful about them by talking about them. So what's the point in even discussing this view in the first place?

There are other positions taken by non-reducible physicalists, but personally I've never found the explanations for why physical systems can be non-reducible particularly convincing. So for the time being I'm stuck with the reductive physicalists. I can't say I'm happy about it, but I don't see a better option. In reality, I feel like this is one of those problems that's better dissolved than solved -- somewhere along the line we probably made a mistake formalizing this problem, and eventually neuroscience will come along and render the question moot without actually resolving it. .

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nika-vincent · 9 months

Text

Some of our reflections on the development of Halsin's personality in Bg3. Long post warning.

I can say that this post is something like a continuation of my previous one, which was devoted mainly to romance with Halsin. This time I gathered some more thoughts from my recent discussions with the guys who love this wonderful character, but this time the main topic will be the development of Halsin's personality in the game. Some things about romance will also be mentioned here a little, the moments we found in the game files, and a few more facts from the datamine. So if you haven't completed the game and don't want to get spoilers, then I suggest skipping this article for now. We will be very happy if this review can also help Larian to see some points that could be supplemented or repaired with patches and also look at how the players perceive our beloved bear and what they would like to see with him in the future.

I would like to start by saying that if we compare Minthara and Halsin in terms of the degree of personality development throughout the game, Minthara is prescribed better and even has her own different ways: to change herself for the better or to remain a bad girl. And I'm not gonna say that she doesn't deserve this because most players choose the path of good and there is no point in investing in the development of her character. Not at all. On the contrary, it shows that it is important for developers to take into account every detail in the game, and if players want to play the game differently for a change, they will discover a lot of new things and say: "Oh, dude! Minthara turns out to be not as bad as she seemed at first glance!". And this is really a wonderful move by Larian, which doesn't allow players to get bored and makes them look at situations and the characters themselves differently. (And by the way, if some character is in the minority according to the preferences of the players, this does not mean that it deserves to receive poor development.)

As for Halsin in this case, at the moment not only his romantic content is missing, but also his very development as a character and a full-fledged companion. This can be explained by the fact that he was probably recently added as a companion, and there simply wasn't time for him to prescribe more things that would reveal his character and potential to the fullest. Considering Sven Winke's recent post on Twitter, where he announced that Larian will again involve voice actors to record new content, there is a chance that these flaws will be fixed in patches and Halsin will get more interactive scenes than those he has now. (As far as I know, Minthara is also suffers from a lack of romantic content, as does Halsin, so I suggest waiting for now and following the official news from Larian …)

It's sad to see that new players who don't experience early access called Halsin a rather boring companion compared to others. However, players from early access spoke about him much higher and more positively, otherwise he wouldn't have become one of the popular characters of the community. So, why did this happen? I can explain this by saying that at that time Halsin was just something like an episodic character that we just had to rescue from the goblin camp and he would tell us everything he knows about our parasite and where we should go for further answers then. (And for an episodic character, that would be enough.) After that, we witness how he scolds Kagha because of the rite of thorns. And I think a particularly strong point was that in the case of Arabella's death, Halsin says in raised tones: "As for the Idol? It's nothing compared to life! A mere object, next to one nature's creations! You showed no pity, no remorse. I cannot absolve you!" I've seen people write admiring comments like: "Until that moment, I thought I couldn't love him even more!". The way he expresses his thoughts, shows concern, compassion, or regret and disappointment mixed with anger (because of the death of a little girl that Kagha allowed) - all this showed us the traits of Halsin's character and caused emotions among the players. Someone thought he was too soft, and someone admired his kindness. And that's how it should work, so that the character evokes different or even contradictory emotions in people, anything but boredom or the feeling that something is missing. This is what makes the character interesting, we want to learn more about him, see how he will behave in other situations and especially how he will react to the Baldur Gate City itself. And I can also note that we were particularly interested in his story with Ketheric Thorm, which he tells us about after the Tiefling party, as well as what he feels guilty about and what unfinished business he mentioned.

Unfortunately, much of what concerned Halsin's personal growth in the release version of the game remained not fully disclosed and seemed unfinished, especially in act 3. His quest during act 2 was challenging from a gameplay point of view, but from a story one it was quite touching and helped us learn a little more about Halsin's past and that the spirit of the land named Thaniel was his only childhood friend. We also learned a little about his parents, as well as the reason why he became the archdruid.

But the story of the shadow curse still remained as if unsaid, and also we didn't see any of his interactions with Ketheriс Thorm, which I think deserved to be realized, and were not limited to Halsin's stories only about Ketheric if we ask him. An interesting fact is that for a long time there were hints in the datamine that Ketheric's daughter Isobel died because of Halsin (correct me if I made a mistake somewhere, please). And I remember, I saw there that Isobel was killed by the spear 'Sorrow', the same spear that we can get in the secret vault in the emerald grove. Not to mention that in Halsin's room we can even find his diaries, in which Isobel was mentioned several times. This would have added a lot of intrigue and special opportunities for Halsin's interactions in the plot of Act 2 itself, but for some reason it remained behind the scenes and even if we ask Isobel about how she died, she cannot remember her killer. Although there are some special dialogues between Halsin and Isobel in the game files themselves at the moment, but there are none of them during the gameplay. I dunno why it was necessary to cut or change these things, and it is not for me to decide what to do here after all. But in my humble opinion, it would have added fire to Halsin's plot in act 2. I would regard this as a fact that even such a good and kind character as Halsin can make mistakes, has his own shortcomings and even dark sides. Therefore, before the release of the game, I had high expectations that Halsin would play a much bigger plot role in Act 2 because of these intrigues between him, Ketheric and Isobel than what we have in the game at the moment. The feeling of the whole story being left unsaid is still present in Act 2, but who knows, maybe it can be improved in patches?

When Halsin became our full-fledged companion in the game, we got new options for the dialogues, but very few of his interactions in the future. It's as if the development of his personality in the second act ended along with his quest. Remember what wonderful scenes with companions in Act 1 we watched over and over again when we stayed overnight in the camp. It helped us to get to know them better, to love someone or hate someone. Halsin definitely should not be deprived of this, we still want to get to know him so that later we can draw conclusions about him in Act 3 and help him find his own path, as it was with the other companions. We got to know our companions during acts 1 and 2 to see the end result of what we experienced together in act 3.

What confuses me is that the developers seem to have paid more attention to his sexuality than the development of his personality instead (not to mention that scandalous story of his sexual slavery to drows in his past, and he only tells us about it after we sleep with the drow twins in a brothel in his company). This looks especially sad for romance, because it looks like Tav fell in love with Halsin more for his sexy muscular body, and not for what kind of person he is. After all, even in real life, we fall in love with someone not for having a fine big booty, but for how a person presents themself to the world and how they treats us. I want to add here one quote that I just remembered: 'Personality is much more important, because the external beauty of a person is taken away by old age, but the beauty of the soul will remain forever.'

In act 3, at the moment, Halsin reveals much less, but we can still see some hints. After he appoints a successor to the Emerald grove in his place, and after we help heal the lands from the shadow curse, Halsin apparently has a conflict with himself about finding a new goal. He notes that he does not like the city of Baldur's Gate, he is saddened by the fate of orphans here, he would also like people to see a friend in nature. And there are also curious moments in his reasoning about shadow druids and their methods. But all this remains so far only at the level of discussions and comments that pop up sometimes. And we can only find out at the very end that he decided to find a new goal in helping people and orphans from the city in Thaniel's world. And you know, it's a really great idea, but I have this feeling again that in act 3 we missed a lot before he came to find this goal in his ending. The idea of his personal path still remained unfinished to the end. I also heard that he was supposed to have some kind of quest with a druid circle in the city, well, let's see if we'll have a chance to see it in patches.

Сomparing Halsin with the rest of the party, he still looks pretty unfinished in terms of development by the end of the game. Because each companion has their own personal options for the path of development, which we are able to influence, and we can notice the difference in the change in the character of a certain companion comparing with what they were in act 1 and what they became by the end of act 3. We can see what Shadowheart can be like if she rejects Shar, or what she will be like in the future if she becomes a dark justiciar. Astarion can remain as a spawn, but at the same time preserving himself as a person and not turn into the likeness of Cazador, whom he hated so much. Or we can help him become a Vampire Lord and the power will intoxicate him so much that he will even begin to dream of taking the city itself in the end. Even Minthara, the companion opposite to Halsin, also has her own personal path of development. But with Halsin himself, unfortunately, this is happening pretty weakly at the moment...

We have been discussing a lot lately what would help for the development of Halsin's personality, so that he could be on a par with the rest of the companions. And I'll start with an excellent thought from my dear friend @merrinla, which would give an excellent opportunity for the development of his personal path, which at the moment in the game looks somewhat unfinished (but I still believe in the power of patches, official writers and the love of fans!❤).

Considering that his background is labeled 'outlander', this makes him a person who grew up in a wild environment, wandering a lot, living in harmony with nature, free as the wind. And even his best friend is the spirit of the land, not from the ordinary people. In his youth, he lived this life, unencumbered by responsibilities, exactly before the crisis moment happened, which was a shadow curse that abruptly changed his usual life. And for 100 years, his goal was to heal the lands from this curse. Plus, his duties as an archdruid piled up here and he didn't have time for his own desires at all. "I was forgetting who I was," as he once told us. After the events in Act 2, he does not seem to be eager to return to the emerald grove, but keeps in touch with Francesca to find out news from there. He speaks quite critically about the city of Baldur's Gate, but he has a desire to help people here and make life in the city better. And I think it would be appropriate here to let Tav tell him something like: 'You know, Halsin, it's not for nothing that people say that everything can be found in Baldur's Gate. Maybe you can find yourself here too?' and also try to change his views on the civilized world, because at the moment he is not familiar with this world too well, and we could help him adapt, convince him that the city itself is not so bad, and find himself here. Even the romance with him will look great with this option.

So it would be a suitable solution if Halsin also had his own development paths: 1 - if he trusts our advice and assistance in adapting to the city, which will allow him to become more civilized. 2 - we agree that he is right in his critical views on the city and civilization, and ultimately he decides to remain an outlander.

I think that even his ending with the orphans could also look different depending on the choice of his personal path, as well as in the case of the romance with him. This is a really great idea, and thank you @merrinla so much for sharing it with me!🙏❤

I would also like to give my comment about Halsin's role in our party. Considering that we have often witnessed conflicts between our companions, in Halsin I see something like scales holding the balance. Someone like the 'father' of our party, an adult wise mentor with whom we could consult about our experiences and ask for his advice. And I would also be very happy to see how he will try to calm our companions in case of any conflict.😂 His wisdom and mentoring experience just have to play a role in our party. If we go on a romance path with him, I would really like him to let us know that he will always listen to us at any moment and support us. Maybe we could even unobtrusively take his hand in return for a while to show how much it means to us. It would also be nice if Thaniel could communicate more with Halsin in the camp, and, in the case of romance, in a dialogue with us, he would notice that Halsin cares about us. These cute moments and his modesty suit Halsin much more than excessive sexual innuendos.

I dunno if Larian will do something about the fact that in the game files Halsin should have received more interactions with Isobel. But I think it would be great and intriguing. And interactions with Ketheric would also be perfect here (Girls, don't start a fight until I find my popcorn😅). And it also seemed strange to me that Halsin had no reaction to Zevlor's betrayal. Maybe it's a bug or just another flaw, who knows. But it would also be good to get this scene, even if he was at our party at the time of the showdown with Zevlor. Maybe it would be nice to organize some kind of his reaction to Nightsong, too, given that Halsin learned about her from Aradin, but he thought she was an artifact, not a living angel. Some interactions with our pets in the camp, I think they should be for Halsin too. (Let him stroke Scratch's belly, haha) And also… the arm wrestling scene of Minsc and Halsin when? Just imagine how funny it might look, 'cause even the dialogue with Minsc about it was hilarious.😁

That's all for today! Thank you guys for reading this review to the end, and also join us in discussions in the feedback about Halsin of the official Larian's discord club! I wish great success to Larian and I thank them for creating this wonderful game for us, which unites people and allows us to discuss many things. We love you and hope that you will also succeed in your future projects, and I also wish you good luck and inspiration in working on new content for BG3!❤🙏

#baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate #bg3 #bg #larian studios #halsin #halsin romance #halsin x tav #ps5 games #pc games #bg3 spoilers #bg3 halsin

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im-not-a-l0ser · 4 months

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Hi! Grace asker again.

I wasn’t intending to call you a misogynist by any means, I had simply seen a lot of differing opinions of Grace based on her insanity and just wanted to know if it was a female thing or if she was genuinely irredeemable. I’ve been in a few fandoms before where it was mostly just a female thing, and it gets very exhausting very quickly. But, if your dislike of Grace is because of her insane, cult-building, murderous tendencies, I get it. A lot of people just don’t like to see that in their fandoms.

However, does that same logic apply to how you view Max? He was also—in my eyes—an irredeemable monster, and it seems like the general consensus in NPMD is that life in Hatchetfield was undeniably better without him there. And he also was shown to be a huge bully and bigot in canon, so what makes it more acceptable to make him gay, yet not offer that same development to Grace?

Once again, maybe I’ll change my mind once I finish watching all of the content with her, but for now I’m just gauging where the line is here.

Okay, sorry. It's just a thing I've already heard and refuted before so I was a little defensive.

With Max, he isn't actually ever shown Ever doing or saying anything specifically about minorities, which is my main problem. Like, he's just generally a jerk, not specifically against queer people like Grace is.

I might be super wrong here, but I'm also pretty sure he's supposed to be bi in cannon. I don't know if that was Will Branner who said that or one of the Lang's, so take that with a pinch of salt.

He's definitely got way more of "I am being defensive because I am abused and I cannot be seen for how much I'm hurting," thing going on. If you haven't watched thw show, I totally get how you couldn't gather that. In one of my linked posts, I went a bit more in depth about it.

I've always tried to give any aggressor... well, not the benefit of the doubt, but I've always put thought into why someone might be doing something.

A great example from my own life was for a period of time, someone who'd bully me for years would call me by my chosen name, Conner. And then one day, when I posted something about how I'm not a girl, I'm nonbinary, he suddenly was really brash about it and began deadnaming me again. And instead of being offended, all I could think is "what on earth happened at home." Which is what shifted my view of it in the first place.

Just like how I don't like Grace, I can fully understand anyone who doesn't like Max, and i won't jump to his defense, I'll only jump to my own defense if I am specifically being attacked for how I perceive him, and even then it's just like "Oh, well, I see him like this."

Sorry for being agressive in the first response. It's not the first time I've heard shit like that, and it will not the last either.

I am interested in what you think after you watch the show, which I think you haven't based on how you're wording things, but I'm also at work, so I'm only skimming and I might be wrong. Either way, interested

#starkid #nerdy prudes must die #max jagerman #grace chasity

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gummiworm-writes · 10 months

Text

kaeya x male reader

genre: fluff, angst (kinda?)

warnings: alcohol, nothing else i don't think?

a/n: this is my first ever fic i hope you like it :3

word count: 1,195

kaeya acts all confident and self-assured. people see him and think oh, look, it's the cavalry captain! mondstadt's number one charmer! everyone loves him, right?

wrong.

the one person who he wants to love him the most doesn't. at least, not the way he loves him.

everyone sees kaeya in the same way: a cocky, flirty knight who gets everything he wants. just ask and he shall receive, right?

wrong.

the one thing he wants the most is something that he cannot have. at least, not the way he wants to have it.

kaeya is not a simple man. he isn't as confident and flirtatious as the people of mondstadt perceive him. they mistake this mask he wears for the truth. all because they never care to get to know the real kaeya.

and the one person he really wants to know the real him... he's just like the others. he only wants to know kaeya on a surface level. he only sees the cavalry captain. the sweet-talking, mysterious frostwind swordsman. that's all he cares to know, right?

wrong.

kaeya has always wanted to have somebody to share his true self with. it sounds cliché, he knows that...but it's the truth. he's spent so long hiding himself out of fear. fear that he'd be shunned, fear that he'd be attacked. fear that he'd lose everyone he cares about...again.

so, he pushes everyone away. he hides behind this façade of confidence and mystique. his true self never comes out, no matter what. he keeps it to himself.

well, unless he's drunk. really drunk.

like he is right now.

you and kaeya are sitting in a booth at the angel's share, in a corner on the second floor. there are at least four bottles of death after noon on the table, alongside one of your drink of choice.

now, kaeya can hold his alcohol. he's very good at not getting drunk. but tonight...he seems to have passed his limit.

"hey, pretty boy~" he says in a soft sing-song voice. "when'd you get here~?"

"kaeya, i've been here this entire time," you say with a chuckle.

"eh? really? that's...huh," kaeya mumbles, putting his head on the table. he looks up at you with a certain shimmer in his eyes. "...still pretty, though."

"thank you, captain," you say with a smile. "...let's get you home. you're drunk."

"no, no, no...kaeya alberich doesn't get drunk~!" he proudly proclaims, his cheeks flushed bright red.

"then you must not be kaeya alberich," you say with a chuckle, standing up and putting some money on the table as a tip for charles. "let's go, come on. you have work tomorrow, remember?"

kaeya simply mumbles something inaudible in response before slowly standing up.

"there we go," you say, putting an arm around him for support while you walk him down the stairs and out the door.

as you and kaeya walk, he hums a song you don't recognize. he occasionally sings the lyrics, too. but...you don't know the language.

you decide not to question it and help him get to his house.

"okay, captain, where are your keys?" you ask softly.

"mm...back pocket, i think," he mumbles, words slurred. he's definitely drunk.

you roll your eyes and reach back to grab them, causing him to blush and giggle.

"wow, ___, didn't know you liked me that way~" he says in a teasing voice. "seems my charms aren't so fake after all, hehe~"

you ignore him and unlock the door. his dogs rush you, excited that you and kaeya are home. but once they see how tired kaeya seems, they run upstairs. you and kaeya follow.

once you reach his bedroom, you notice his dogs and his cat are all already curled up on his bed. you smile, leading kaeya over and sitting him down on the bed in an open spot.

"there we go," you say with a smile, petting each of his pets before heading to the door.

"w-wait, don't... don't go yet, please," kaeya suddenly says in a pleading tone. you turn around and see his face, and he looks desperate.

"oh, uh...okay, what's wrong?"

"i...i just... don't want you to leave me," he says quietly. "you... you're the only person who...who i...ah, never mind..."

you tilt your head to the side in confusion. he's blushing like crazy. out of nowhere, he pulls you into a hug.

"...i don't want you to leave, not like everyone else did...you mean too much to me," he mumbles. you can smell the alcohol on his breath, but you can't help but feel that he's being honest.

"...what do I mean to you?" you ask, voice soft.

there's a pause.

a long one.

but eventually, he answers.

"...you mean the world."

the morning comes, and you wake up on kaeya's couch, a bunch of random blankets (and a dog) on top of you. you smell breakfast cooking, which comes as a surprise to you. you'd assumed that, after last night, kaeya would be too hungover to do much of anything.

last night.

right.

you'd almost forgotten what he'd said to you before passing out.

you'd...talk to him later. he probably didn't remember anyways.

"hey, sleepyhead," kaeya's smooth voice snaps you out of your head. "made breakfast, thought it was only fair since you brought me back from the tavern and slept on my couch all night..."

"oh, thank you," you say, surprised. so he did remember some things from last night...

you go to the kitchen and sit at kaeya's little table. he's made your favorite, which comes as a surprise to you. you didn't know he knew what it was, or that he knew how to cook it...regardless, you ate it. and it was delicious.

"so...about last night," kaeya sighs, sounding nervous. "did...did I say anything weird? anything...out of character?"

you stop eating and look at him. then, you nod slowly.

"ah, i...i see...look, just...forget about it, okay? i...i was really drunk, and--"

"i don't wanna forget it."

he was stunned into silence by your declaration, a blush blooming on his cheeks.

"what?"

"kaeya, i don't wanna forget about it because I feel the same way."

he freezes, the blush on his cheeks deepening.

"i've wanted to tell you for so, so long...but i thought you'd never feel the same," you said, placing a hand over his. "but...you do. and I don't wanna forget that."

"___, you..." he stuttered, unsure of what to say. "...why?"

"because you're amazing, kaeya. even if you don't show it, you...you're an amazing person. you're handsome, you're intelligent, you care so much...i don't care that you're khaenri'ahn, i just--"

"how did you know that?"

you pause. right. he didn't tell you that.

"...your singing. and your eyes."

"and...you don't mind..?"

"why would i?"

there's a long silence.

kaeya stands up, walking over to you. he then means down, wrapping his arms around you.

"___...i...god, i love you so, so much..." he sighs into the crook of your neck.

"...i love you, too."

#kaeya x male reader #kaeya x m reader #kaeya x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin #kaeya #kaeya alberich #genshin fluff #genshin angst #kaeya fluff #kaeya angst

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sflow-er · 4 months

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Regarding your August and justice reply, I don't think you take in consideration what August wants when you say you hope he gets helps and realises he's been damaging others. Especially because he is well aware of the long lasting damages he has caused and other than being scared of being found and facing consequences, he hasn't shown to regret or be sorry for the pain and suffering he's responsible of. He's sorry his wrongdoings could cause him problems if found out.

I don't think he'll get any kind of judicial nor poetic justice. I think he'll be shown to kept in his way for the rest of his life, maybe not protected by the crown, but he won't let go of his habits not because he can't be rehabilitated. But because he doesn't want rehabilitatio. And you cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

That's my favourite thing about August, actually: he is conscious of who he is and I don't believe anything can change his ways. Not even love. Opposite to Wille's journey where love changed it all.

About sullying wilmon's eventual happy ending? I think they deserve to be happy away from August's perceived toxicity but also, being away from him would be the only justice they could get.

TL;DR: I think August represents traditions and the nobility and that cannot be changed. Because they don't want to be changed. Just as August who enjoys his 'bad ways' and which make him such a compelling character to other too good characters like Simon or Wille.

I assume you're the original anon - thank you for getting back to me! EDIT: I stand corrected! Thanks for chiming in, August anon 2!

I understand your position, and I agree with parts of it. I'm going to put a cut here in case someone sees this who doesn't want to read any speculation on S3 - I wouldn't say there are any spoilers below, but I don't want to ruin anything for anyone.

The start of your text actually aligns with what I mean when I say August doesn't fully understand the gravity of his actions or regret the harm he caused to Simon. I just don't believe he understands the long-lasting damage he caused. I think August's demeanour when the damage to Simon comes up and sometimes even when talking to Wille suggests that he doesn't truly get why people are making such a big deal out of the video. He wanted to hurt Wille and Simon, he understands that he succeeded, and he understands that he betrayed Wille. However, I think there are many aspects to it that he, as an incredibly privileged and emotionally immature straight man, simply cannot understand. Such as the fact that the video will come up for the rest of Simon's life when applying to jobs and such, or that outing Wille to the world and subjecting him to homophobic hate etc. was nowhere near proportionate to Wille's humiliation of him in front of their peers. We agree that August hasn't shown much remorse. I do think it's possible he feels some genuine regret for the pain he caused Wille, who is a member of his family and someone he was meant to be loyal to, because that's the kind of damage he's been taught to consider. But he doesn't feel as much regret on a more general human decency level, especially for Simon. You are right that most of his regret is purely based on his fear of punishment, and that isn't the kind of regret that can lead to emotional growth. As to your points about August not wanting to change his ways... It's true that he hasn't wanted to so far, but I reject the idea that he couldn't still realise he needs to. The fact is that August already voiced to Sara in S2 that he felt like there was "something wrong inside his head" and that he felt like "the worst person in the world", and he clearly wasn't doing well in between Lucia and the start of their relationship. If he ends up back in that headspace in S3, after the experience of having been expected to take responsibility for the first time in his life and without the miracle solution of the crown being dangled in front of him... I do think it's still possible for him to reach a point where he finally chooses differently. Whether that's him hitting rock bottom, being forced to talk to a counsellor as part of a legal punishment, realising that the breathing exercise Sara taught him and potentially having to care for Rousseau helps him, or something else. On that note, I would also like to push back just a tiny bit on what you said about love changing everything for Wille and nothing for August. Simon's love acted as the catalyst for Wille's change, but the change only happened when the internal processes sparked by that love and his own betrayal of it had run their course. He also needed counselling to get there.

We don't know yet if Sara's love or August's betrayal of that love ends up catalysing anything in him. Not in terms of winning her back, but in terms of highlighting the contrast between her kindness and desire to hold him accountable for his failings vs. his own and his family's unkindness and lack of accountability. That remains to be seen in S3.

As you said, the alternative is for August to stick to his bad ways for the rest of his life - and as I tried to say without saying it directly, I fear his life may not be very long if he does. We've already seen him physically punishing himself for his failings, both with overexertion and not eating, so we know he is prone to self-harm. He's also addicted to the ADHD meds, just like his father was addicted to whatever it was. We know Carl Johan chose to take his own life in the face of ruin, and that August idolises him and must've been brought up with the same kind of worldview.

So, August is displaying some serious warning signs of going down the same path as his father, and unless we get at least some signs to the contrary before the credits roll on the finale, I don't think I personally can find any joy in his defeat/fall from grace. Again, I don't mean we need to see his growth in the show or that I want to see him forgiven by his victims in S3. They certainly deserve to be rid of his toxicity, and even if he does decide to change his ways, he's got a very long road ahead.

But I understand that you feel differently and place more weight on August not wanting to change! It's a very good point that he represents harmful traditions and the nobility, and any change he undergoes would also represent some kind of change to those institutions. Liking his character as the toxic relic that he's been thus far is extremely valid.

Personally, I think August realising that he needs to break free of the toxicity would be a way of 'breaking the wheel.' Either showing that these institutions can be changed after all, similar to how Wille started enacting change at Hillerska in S2 when he encouraged the first-years to rebel...or simply showing again that these institutions hurt even the people who seemingly benefit from them, and when freed, even they can grow and heal.

Please know I don't mean to invalidate your stance in any way! I think it just comes down to the types of conclusions that the show wants to leave us with.

[As a final sidebar, I have to say that I respectfully disagree about Simon and Wille being "too good characters" as you put it. I think they have some morally grey sides as well, the same as most other characters in the show, which is what makes them so very human. But that's a whole other discussion!]

Phew, this got really long... I'm not even going to attempt to summarise it but I hope it made sense. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

#young royals #yr s3 speculation #young royals speculation #august horn #august horn of årnäs #young royals analysis #cw self harm #cw suicide #august anon discourse

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9w1ft · 23 days

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So there are pictures out there of Taylor with both Butcker and Gracie who defended his speech. With Butcker she's even interacting and joking. Then Travis likes a Trump post. I've seen so many swifties saying she's MAGA now and they should vote this way as well. The Chiefs dropped the other day merch with Eras Tour which means she's doing another football season, giving them some more publicity and not saying anything throughout the election when now it looks like she's MAGA. Taylor and Travis don't respond to this and do clean up image for the Chiefs. I truly don't know what to think anymore. There is a serious risk here of Trump getting re elected and she's helping with it. I feel like it's time we consider she never cared about any political ideology and it was always about money. I'm so disheartened by this. I fell like she played us all and THIS is actually her.

i wanted to preface this by saying i feel that my response is really inadequate here and to apologize for that in advance. but i felt you might be new or recent and so i felt compelled to play the role of the old man at the cave entrance.

i think that part of kaylor is having that unique perspective that allows you to look at things like these with a little more nuance than other perspectives might have. i think it gives a little more insight into why taylor’s psyche may or may not lead her to do this or that. i don’t mean this as a value judgment. none of this is empirically great. but, i can see how we are here.

anon i want you to know, i’ve been here since 2018 and i am fairly confident that every single year someone has messaged me the last two sentences you did, verbatim. some years many people many times. the paragraphs preceding it are something different depending on what the world events of the time are. and i don’t mean to downplay what you are saying. rather, i want to point out that people have felt like you have every single year in recent years, and will continue to feel this way until suddenly it feels that way no longer. and when that suddenly is is something we just cannot know. no matter how certain you may feel about what’s behind the next bend in the road, you simply don’t know. so it’s important to know that you have a choice now.

if i was so inclined, i could get into it further and explain more than a handful of specific times over the years where the turning point felt promised and the glasses i wore were like those special fireworks glasses you get at the fair or at a festival, the one that turn points of light into shapes, like stars or hearts. everything looks like what you’re looking for. but, try as you might, things are just out of our hands.

you might find yourself seeing hearts all the way til you turn that corner and when there’s nothing and you’re faced with another dash to the next corner of the same building.. you might indeed feel used! but, i want to take this chance to tell you that there’s a better way to go about things. because you can just walk out a bit to the bench over there to the side, overlooking the building and the scenery, and you can sit down and enjoy the view. or, if metaphors arent your thing, i recommend engaging in some local work in your community, or through your job if you’ve got one that gives you a chance to be kind to someone. reconnect with your ability to impact on society and uplift people around you in real life. look out for one another. don’t allow the enormity of things make you believe that you and i can’t make the world a better place collectively.

because if you put yourself at the macro level and convince yourself that the world being fixed hinges on things that taylor does or celebrities do, and that efforts are meaningless in the face of people with massive numbers attached to their names, the world will truly pass you by. we all have but one life to live. allow yourself to be fueled and inspired in your daily life by taylor’s art or the story that you perceive, the parts you find worth fighting for, and better yourself. in other words, you think taylor is using you? well, why not use her to become a better you! and if you feel hurt no matter how you try, and if pop culture’s most successful pop artist mega star is just not the beacon that you had hoped for and if all of this is ruining your life, it’s alright and justified to step away or to diversify what inspires you. you gotta do you!

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natasha-in-space · 1 year

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Cruel Miracle

Saeyoung/gn!reader;

'Be careful what you wish for' is a saying Saeyoung never thought much about, not before meeting you. Perhaps, that is because he never wished for anything but Saeran's happiness. Is he allowed to dream of more? Unfortunately, the universe has already decided that for him. (Canon school ver. Saeyoung/reader thingy I wrote, done from his own perspective!)

If Saeyoung was asked to point out the one thing that he first took notice of about you, it would be your eyes. Regardless of the way you may have behaved in front of those happily bustling about around you, regardless of the countless masks you've carefully put on and off day after day, your eyes perceived the world with nothing but gracefulness and gentle warmth swirling deep within your thoughtful gaze. A gaze that has pulled him into you from the very moment you looked up at him from your desk for the very first time. And he noticed it all as he stood there, being forced to make a painfully awkward introduction to the group of complete strangers by the sickeningly cheery professor pushing him onward, despite his numerous grumblings and protests.

It was stupid, naive, downright childish even. Something that just could not happen to someone like him in the reality his life had become from the moment he decided to part ways with Saeran. And yet... His stubborn heart refused to listen to the cold reason his mind has meticulously established to keep his fragile soul intact. And, only to add more fuel to the fire that was leading up to an inevitable disaster, he could feel you staring at him constantly.

He hated how amusing he found it to catch you eyeing him and watching, as you would quickly turn your burning face away from him, pretending like it was nothing more than a mere coincidence on your part. Well, unbeknownst to you, you were a really bad liar. But... All about this was wrong from the very beginning. And try as he might, this heavy cloud of fear and paranoia would drift over him just as quickly as the first tiny rays of sunshine would sneak through the dense shadows enveloping all that his eyes could see.

This is not how life works for someone like him.

He cannot allow himself to form any close connections and thus put not only himself but the people he grows attached to in the process at mortal risk. He cannot allow himself to leave even a single noticeable trace to remember him by. He cannot allow himself... to simply exist in this daily life filled with nothing but small mundane troubles as normal people do. Because he is not normal, and he could never dream of having even a semblance of a normal life, to begin with.

He is a mere shadow, and that's all he can ever be. Dreaming of something more than that will only torment him. Truth is, you were from two completely different worlds. One made of nothing but cold and darkness, and one filled with warmth from the gentle light shining down from above. And he could not allow his ugly, ruthless world to taint yours bright and hopeful one. No, instead, he will push these stupid feelings of his as far away as humanely possible, shove them into the deepest corners of his mind, and simply watch you from afar for as long as he's allowed to do that. That much, he can live with.

At least, that is what he had initially planned on doing.

"I know you found it hard to adjust here Chilyoung... But I have the utmost confidence in your abilities and Y/N's open-mindedness to create a winning team between the two of you. I picked them out of everybody to be your partner for a good reason, you know." He could only bite onto his lower lip as the professor spoke, refusing to listen to any of his requests to just let him work on this godforsaken project by himself. The pen he was clutching in his hand was starting to tap rapidly at the surface of the desk, picking up the pace the longer he sat there.

"I don't need to participate in any team-building activities."

"Even if you are staying with us for only one year in an advanced program, that doesn't mean you have to isolate yourself from everyone." She didn't even look up at him from her stack of papers, only making him feel more irritated with her persistence to keep pushing through his demands to pull him out of this. This woman was too stubborn for her own good. "You are a very smart and capable boy. But, you can't achieve much by being a lone wolf all of your life. You need to put yourself out there and find a support system that is going to bring you up when you fall down. I simply believe that you and Y/N can become good friends if you just give them a chance."

"Shouldn't I have the freedom to decide that for myself, Ms. Brown?" He said through gritted teeth, fighting the urge to just get up and leave right then and there. "Just because I didn't make friends with anyone here, doesn't mean I don't have them outside of my studies."

It felt bitter, saying all of these empty statements as if anything he came up with on a whim was really true. Not only did he lack any friends or close acquaintances, but he also lacked the freedom to decide anything for himself. So, really, he was saying the complete opposite of the truth here.

How foul.

"Well, then I will be very happy for you." She smiled, finally raising her gaze to take a good look at him. Though, much to his disappointment, he saw no signs of her giving up any time soon. "But, this is still a group project by default. I already made an exception for you by allowing you to work in a pair rather than in a group. I won't allow you to work alone on this assignment."

Not much he could say or do to change these unfortunate circumstances. All he could do was do what he always did best.

Accept and adjust.

~~~

Saeyoung rested his chin on the palm of his hand as he watched you type, your eyes squinting adorably, all of your attention focused solely on the task at hand. A part of him felt guilty, seeing how hard you were trying to make this work despite his stubborn attempts to shut you out. No matter how distant or abrasive he became, you never got angry with him, never gave up, never left. God only knows why... Someone like you deserved so much better than this.

Still, you just kept on smiling at him, offering him snacks, asking about his interests, and trying to help him in whatever way you possibly could. He already told you that there was no real need for you to work on this project together. He could do it all alone, and you would never have to worry about getting a bad grade. Much to his disappointment, though, you adamantly refused to accept this convenient deal of his, insisting on working together and sharing your workload fairly between yourselves.

Just what were you thinking in that odd head of yours?

In truth, he was finished with his half of today's assignment about an hour ago. If he was to be thinking rationally, he should have left long ago by now, leaving you to finish up by yourself. Instead, however, he found himself simply observing you without saying a single word, his eyes carefully reading into every little move you made. Why were you so eager to work on this meaningless project with someone like him? It's not like it's so important for you to put all your blood sweat and tears into it. Some really stupid part of him hoped longingly, that it was because of him. Really, it was obvious to see that you were interested in him, be it as a mere friend or something more. He simply pretended like he didn't have a clue about your feelings.

What stung most of all, was the fact that his refusal to acknowledge it was as closest as he could ever get to accepting your affections. This was already much more than he could possibly allow. If he did confront you about it... It would be the end of your relationship altogether. He would have to leave and never turn back, for both of your sakes.

And, even if he'll have to do it eventually at the end of his program... He wanted to make the most of the little time he did have.

It was a bittersweet feeling at heart. Saeyoung could sense his thoughts wandering, those urges he usually ignored with relative success coming up on the front of his mind once again. He wanted to know how it would feel like to touch you. To put his hand on yours and watch your cheeks flush, just like they always did whenever he caught you staring at him. He wanted to make you smile and laugh until your eyes would start to water like your classmates had the privilege to do so. He wanted to know what makes you laugh the hardest and know that he's the one bringing you so much joy.

He wanted... to get closer to you. To know you. To be truthful with you. To open up to you.

But, such a miracle could never be brought into the cruel reality he lived in. No matter how innocent in nature his daydreams really were. The only way Saeyoung Choi could show his love for someone like you was by letting you go without hurting you. Without making you feel attached to him in any way.

So, then, why did his heart ache so much at the prospect of parting his ways with you...?

~~~

"-You're the one I like. That's... That's what I really wanted to talk to you about... I know you don't get along with anybody here, but I want to know more about you. And... I want you to know how much I care about you."

Oh, but the reality was always much crueler than he could ever imagine. It all felt like one big joke to him. He thought he had prepared himself for everything coming his way. He thought he was ready to let you go when the time came. He thought... He thought he could enjoy the time he did have with you without worrying about anything, for once in his life.

Was such a desire too selfish for him? Is this why the universe itself has decided to remind him of his proper place?

It... hurt. It hurt like hell.

Saeyoung has always felt grateful for every opportunity coming his way. He never took anything for granted and never regretted those decisions he knew in his heart were right. But, right now, in this very moment, as he heard you say those same words his naive heart longed for so firmly, he cursed this miracle with every fiber of his being.

For the very first time, he cursed his decision to throw his own right to exist in this world away. And, that realization hurt him almost just as much. Since, right after his initial burst of anger, came a crushing sense of shame, suffocating him from the inside. Shame for giving in to his personal desires and making you care for him so much. Shame for daring to look back on his decision to keep Saeran safe. Shame for being such a selfish human being to everyone he held dear in his heart.

It felt like his soul was being torn into pieces.

"You- No. No, you can't. This is... No."

He sounded angry, terrified, frustrated, heartbroken. Gone was the cold composure he has successfully kept up in front of everybody up to this day. Saeyoung could see the confusion, the hurt in your eyes, as you blinked at him at a complete loss for words. But, what hurt him most of all, was the genuine concern that was written so clearly on your gentle features. You still worried for him, and still reached out to him, just like you always did.

And, he had no choice but to throw it all away.

So, he ran. He ran from you, he ran from his own feelings and he ran from the cruel universe he had no choice but to oblige to.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeyoung choi #707 #mystic messenger 707 #luciel choi #saeyoung x reader #707 x reader #i either write tooth rotting fluff or heartwrenching angst when it comes to saeyoung #there is no in-between

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leventart-den · 8 months

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I apologize in advance for this giant post. In short, I'm thinking here about how the topic of soulmates and the omegaverse can be scary and how it could be done in a more light-hearted way (if necessary). These are just my thoughts and I in no way impose anything on anyone or judge anyone. I'm totally okay with people who love the omegaverse and soulmate theme and I don't condemn it in any way.

Oh and of course I'm thinking about all this in the context of the idea for ZoSan 👀

I see a lot of omegaverse and soulmate fanfiction in the one piece fandom on AO3. Unfortunately these topics scare the crap out of me. Although when I was in my twenties I was completely okay with this, I even liked to read something. I can logically understand the appeal of these themes as fictional elements. Because when you write something (be it omegaverse, or in my case angst dark themes) it is an environment you control and it cannot harm you. For the reader it's different, all they control is the choice to read or not based on tags. I choose not to read what bothers me. But I am a person who really likes to analyze and delve into the reasons. Why I personally can't read most soulmates and omegaverses.

And I realized. The main reason is that for me personally, in both of these themes, the relationships between the characters are perceived as “forced”. Like the characters had no choice. In soulmates, this is imposed by “fate”. In the omegaverse it is imposed by biological characteristics-needs. Again, I can understand why this might be attractive and/or interesting as fiction. And I am aware that fear of such things is my personal problem. I'm writing all this simply because maybe someone has the same problem or wants to write soulmates and omegaverse more "safely" and in a lighter version. Because after realizing the reason, even I’m okay with writing a light version.

So. How can these themes be portrayed more lightly and less forced and still retain their core?

It's actually very simple. In the case of soulmates, the symbol of connection, whatever it may be, should appear only after the characters have sincerely begun to become close to each other. Like, it’s already there (their friendship, brotherhood or love) and is starting to blossom, no soulmark has given them the idea that they are soulmates and therefore should be close even if they are unpleasant to each other. It's like an engagement ring in this case - you won't get engaged to someone you don't love (in most cases). So signs of a soul connection appear when your soul feels that this is “that important person.”

In the case of the Omegaverse, it may be the same. There is no heat or anything like that, no manifestation of a second gender until the two characters meet each other and fall in love. There is no imposition factor and nothing that binds you to another person if you are not in love.

Of course, in both of these cases, things can start out as one-sided for angst and intrigue. This could actually be quite interesting in the case of Sanji and Zoro, for example x))

So yes. I've said a lot here and I apologize for it. I'm starting to want to delete everything I wrote and not post because I'm afraid that people will start attacking me, but if what I wrote gives someone ideas or helps with something, I'm willing to take the risk.

Please don't be rude, I have no ill intentions with this.

#zosan #one piece #omegaverse #soulmates #I don't know how to tag this so people don't burn me alive

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minipisi-is-dumb · 1 year

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hai, sorry to bother, but what exactly is giftedness? i dont think i trust google on it and id rather hear about it from someone who's gifted. is it like being a genius or something?

hiii thanks for asking about it!!! and sure lemme tell ya

it's a bit lengthy sorry

ill briefly explain the symptoms and then other extra stuff, thanks so much for asking, not a lot of people know about it :)

giftedness is a form of neurodivergent condition/neurodivergency or however you call it, that is characterized by asynchronous development between intelectual and "chronological" growth

an easy way to explain it (even if the theory is disproven so it's just as example) is how people see mental ages

you might be chronologically 15, but intellectually, your needs are those of a 19 y/o and emotionally your regulation is that of a 13 y/o. that's what asynchrony means essentially

the current "official" way to diagnose people is through iq tests, they're not always specific and is usually in a margin of error, but if it's a legit test and not one of those online, is used to measure the amount of connections your brain has. of course the results may vary if you have more than one neurodivergency or you have a mental illness. it's always important to discuss it with your doctor!

the more connections u have per braincell → the faster processing you got. the amount of connections is measured by iq number

the criteria for being diagnosed is simply getting 130 or more in the iq test, there's different types of depth to giftedness as a condition, just like there're different symptoms and levels of depth for autism, but that's the beauty of it isn't it

and contrary to what you might think, fast processing can be very difficult, it feels like your brain goes faster than you all the time you are asked a question, say, in a test, and you just know the answer! that's it, you can't explain it even to yourself. your brain "skips" steps to get to a conclusion since we don't have a linear way of thinking, or you make connections at the moment that somehow end up making sense all the time and you don't even realize it. it's overwhelming

other important symptoms are similar to other nds like autism or adhd like being able to hyperfocus, stimming or sensory sensitivity, but there are some different ones like latent inhibition deficit

latent inhibition deficit (you can google it for better understanding) it's basically not being able to prioritize the information you recieve

have you ever found yourself in a restaurant or a crowded space, and even if there's a lot of talking and music, eventually you "forget about it" and stop paying attention to it since it's not important? That's latent inhibition!!! your brain can filter information, wether is sensory or cognitive and ignore whatever it doesn't see as important

my brain can't, I am always listening to the music, the people talking in the room, small changes in smell, sound or how too many colors confuse me and give me migraine, my brain cannot "filter" importance in it, so it pays attention to everything and sees it all as important since it perceives it as one whole thing

connecting most of the stuff around you or "seeing the big picture" always is very normal, feeling like everything is happening at the same time simultaneously and you can't just pick and choose is the best way I can describe it

we also have overexcitabilities!!! that is a bit long to explain but you can google it

here's a very useful explanation that also mentions giftedness, since the term was created from studying our behavior

here's my favorite talk about the topic, I watched it years after being diagnosed and it explains it very well, the woman giving the talk is gifted herself and works in gifted education programs too!

she also has a talk about overexcitabilities!!

I really like this image because it is a quick way to see some basic symptoms, is not the be all of it but you can get a general idea compared to autism and adhd, since there's more info about them around

Alright we done w that

the BIGGEST misconception about giftedness is that it is just good grades, it's a complex condition just like any other! adhd is not "just getting distracted", autism is not "just being socially awkward" and giftedness is not "just being a genius"

I cannot stress enough how grades have nothing to do with giftedness , in fact, most gifted people end up dropping school or college since it never fits fully fits our educational needs

giftedness and academic achievement are not inherent to one another, you can be neurotypical and have good and bad grades too, it doesn't matter really . it could be a clue for some, where good grades might lead a parent to take the test, but the results are not there just because of grades or high achievement rate

now we need to talk kinda quickly abt ableism and how the concept of iq was originally created to stigmatize non-white races, women and neurodivergent conditions

the first people to coin the term for iq were (shocker) rich white men who liked the idea of being smarter than everyone else

however, the arbitrary measurement used to discriminate towards people on the bases of iq started to change it's perspective

we know NOW that there's a lot more than "just genius" and is a complex condition people like me live without, but the subconscious idea of high iq being something that makes you ""superior "" is still around due to it's origins and lack of common knowledge. the stigma about telling other people you're gifted is huge, people change the way they percieve you, they change the way they treat you, or at best you seem like an egocentric superb who thinks they're better than everyone

it's sorta how being a narcissist is used as an insult or to demonize the actual condition instead of people actually understanding what it is to have npd? kinda that. if you call yourself gifted you're basically doomed to be the egocentric one

and languages outside of english don't make it better.

for Spanish (my native language) even though we have one of the best resources imo for giftedness (the book "¿Demasiado Inteligente para ser feliz?") we also have the term "superdotado" that translated roughly means "super gifted". not doing much for the "we're literally people and not inhumane geniuses" part

but UGHHHH I kinda think that's most of my base info for u, I am SO happy you're interested, I have a little giftedness tag you can look at, and there's also gifted-centered blogs around this site

thanks for reading!!!

#minipisi.txt #giftedness #minipisi.asks #neurodivergency #neurodivergent #actually gifted

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thedo0zyslider · 5 months

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28! or 37 or 39 👀

Sorry this took so long to get too! I did all of them lmao. Because of course I did :3. Hope u guys enjoy (ask game here!)

28. "...I don't hate you." "...you don't?" (Bonus: "No. Not yet.")

Jimmy stands in the entrance of Gobland, just sort of looking at it. He should go in. He doesn't really know how to, even if part of him wants too. The Sheriff isn't really sure why he's here, but he is. The blonde had simply felt a pull to come here once more. To do something probably, but he isn't sure what.

Eventually, after what's probably a ridiculous amount of time idly standing there, Jimmy decides to get it over with. He takes a few steps, rather hesitant ones, and walks into Gobland for one first time in what has to be.....well months at this point. Several of them. Maybe even half a year by now

Walking through the city is different now, after him and fWhip’s fallout. The people do not wave at him, or make small talk. No, not anymore. Now they just awkwardly shuffled past, and averted their eyes. He heard as whispers were made and spread around, making their way all around the empire in what has to be just a few minutes.

They'll reach the King sooner rather than a later. Which is either going to be good or bad, depending on if fWhip wants to even see him. He wouldn't blame him if he doesn’t, and doesn’t know if he even would want to that day.

They aren't close like that anymore. The two of them can't tell all those little cues from each other anymore.

Its almost sad, or perhaps even tragic, when you think about it.

So Jimmy doesn't, and keeps on walking.

He keeps on walking for a few minutes, navigating down paths he is no longer welcome on. The stone beneath him is more worn than before. He wonders what's been going on since their......breakup. The Sheriff wonders if he'd even be at home in this city again.

fWhip finds him in front of the storage room. The Goblin King stands at the entrance to the large room, his hands clutched at his side. Jimmy stops when he sees him, feeling his body go a little stiff. Now that there's here, he's not really sure what to do. Never quite thought that far, now did he.

"Hey, old friend." fWhip says, scanning over him catuously. His words are a call back to one of their other meetings before, when those weird little Hermits had been on the server. Jimmy pretends not to notice, and also tries not to flinch.

"Howdy." He says, acutely aware of his more southern accent and how it sounds. He's never really been too self conscious of it before, not really. (Expect for at the start, when fWhip would make blush and his heart flutter and Jimmy suddenly cared a whole lot about how the goblin perceived him. But that was a long time ago now)

"What brings you down here?" fWhip asks, idly shuffling his weight from side to side. Something Jimmy knows he only really does when he's nervous about something.

"I'm...not really sure." The Sheriff mutters, ignoring any urge to nervously fidget. He didn't feel like he should do that, lest it make this whole thing worse than it already was. "I just had a feeling...that I needed to come here."

"Oh, okay." fWhip responded, a little confused, but not saying much else.

It takes a few minutes of akward staring and standing there, before one of them had the confidence to speak once more. fWhip clears his throat, and finally looks Jimmy in the eyes for the first time that day. ".....Did that feeling have to lead you to me?"

"Probably, yeah." Jimmy says back, shoving his hands into his pockets to keep them still. Well, as still as they can be.

fWhip let out a snort, and flicked his tail in what seemed to be amusement. The Sheriff frowned at that, his ears moving downwards in displeasure as the goblin spoke. "Funny, it lead you to the one guy who hates you and-"

"I don't hate you." Jimmy interrupts, surprising even himself. He kicks his boots against the stone floor anxiously, the spurs on the back making a sound as he does so. fWhip cannot do anything but look at him in what has to be a confused sort of wonder.

"....You don't?" The goblin asks, clearly curious despite himself. It shines in his eyes almost hopefully. Like he's desperate for Jimmy not to hate him. The Sheriff doesn't want to dwell on why he would hope for that, so he keeps talking to avoid doing so.

"No." Jimmy says, wholly honest. "Not yet."

"Oh." fWhip nearly whispers it, just stating at him in what seems to be shock. The Sheriff kicks his boots against the floor again, doing nothing but simply existing under his gaze. (He wishes he could do so lovingly again. He wishes the goblin would look at him with stars in his eyes once more.)

The Sheriff soon leaves after that, not knowing how else fo further this interaction. fWhip doesn't even say goodbye, just watches him leave in what seems ro be bewilderment. Like he's processing all of that. Which is honestly fair.

In the coming days, Jimmy will wonder what would've happened if he stayed. He'll almost wish he had.

37. "Why? Why are you helping me?"

Cleo finally gets a chance to breath, quickly hiding herself behind a tree. Their chest heaves as they try to catch their breath. She'd just spent twenty minutes running from above five zombies, and was pretty exhausted from it. Cleo is amazed their rotting legs haven't literally fallen off yet from all the running and jumping and whatnot she'd been doing.

After a moment, another person slides in beside her. Cleo tries not to shift away as he does so. The person is Etho, her teammate. Or former teammate, they could say. Since he'd been infected a few hours ago. Yet still the white haired man refused to leave her side, and even gave his fellow zombies false hunts about her location.

And for the life of her Cleo couldn't not understand why.

"You okay?" Etho says, crouching next to them, a genuine concern lacing his tone. Cleo, whos plopped herself down on the floor while she can, just lightly glares up at him. Etho doesn't even seek to flinch under the harsh gaze and just takes it with grace.

"Yeah, I'm good." The zombie says, finally catching her breath enough to speak. Etho says nothing still, just starts to quietly shuffle around in his inventory for it. Cleo is almost glad, because she still wants some time to collect their very hectic thoughts.

A moment later Etho reaches down, holding some cooked mutton in his hands. Mutton from their sheep back at home. God Cleo misses home. "Here, take some extra food. I don't need it." He says, eyes blank and emotionless. Cleo wonders if these unnatural zombies can even feel emotions anymore.

"Thanks.....but why?" She asks, taking the food from him. But Cleo doesn't eat it. Some part of her is still scared that it's poisoned, even though Etho has yet to kill them. Or even try to for that matter.

"Why?" Etho repeats, titling his head to the side curiously. Like a cat. He always acts like a cat, even when he's not fully himself.

"Why? Why are you helping me?" Cleo asks, shifting a bit further away from her teammates. He is possessed now, but helps her still. She can't understand why Etho would do so, but desperately wants to.

She wants to know why he won't kill her, when his body should be screaming for him to do so.

"Because you're my teammate. And I don't wanna betray my teammates." Etho says it simply, like it's the most normal and non complicated thing in the world. Cleo just looks at him in bewilderment.

"But you're a zombie! You have a virus in you! It's not your fault if you go berserk and kill me! It's none of your faults!" She exclaims, throwing her arms up in the air. The zombie still doesn't get it. That explanation doesn't make sense. Etho isn't himself, they would never blame him for that! And they both know it!

"It doesn't matter to me." Etho says. "Your my teammate, from the start till the end." He still says it like it's the most simplest thing in the world, and Cleo kinda wants to punch the hell out of him for it.

"You promise?" She asks, filling that frustration away for later. They have bugger things to worry about during the apocalypse after all, like not dying.

"I promise." Etho says, and goes to sit down next to him. Cleo does not shuffle away.

They rest their head on his shoulder after a second, and decide their comfortable to stay like this until the rest of the zombies come to kill them once more.

39. "You have nothing to apologize for."

Jimmy finds himself at the Olipeligo one day, his boots crunching against the sand. He's never really been to the colorful, beach side empire before, having only seen it in passing glances, so he finds himself staring at the tents and large cherry blossom tree as he walks down the empires beach. He should've visited more really, maybe even come for a beach vacation. That would've been a nice stress reliver, especially in those darker months a while back.

It's easy to find the man he's looking for, the empire's ruler and its namesake. Mostly because Oli is currently playing a tune on his little lute, the sound coming from inside the biggest and main tent. Jimmy approaches it slowly, not wanting to startle the other, and slowly peaks through the open tent door.

Oli, who's currently sitting on the floor strumming, jumps in surprise when the Sheriff's shadow fall across his tent. He makes a yelp, and whips his head around quickly to see his new visitor. He almost looks like a cartoon character doing so.

Jimmy holds back a giggle at the sight. "Hi." He says, offering a friendly wave. Oli ignores the clear amusement on his face, and stands, wiping the sand from his clothes. Jimmy has to wonder how sand even got in this tent in the first place, or if it's just permanently stuck to the other like glue.

"Hello there!" Oli says, cheerful as ever, and puts his instrument against the tent's back wall. "Haven't spoken in a while, have we Mr. Sheriff?"

"No, not since I freed you, I think. Or the rift festival." Jimmy hums in response, trying to dig right into the reason he came here for. He wanted to say sorry, for the man he was all those months ago. Staying in Tumble Town and not running had given him a lot of clarity, and made him a better man. Facing the consequences of your own self destructive actions ill do that to someone.

Oli had stayed too, inside of running off to god knows what world. And it's been over a year since they talked, at all. It feels like they cannot have a conversation without discussing what had gone on in the past between them. And today, the bard seemed more than willing to drop his usual comedic persona for a bit. Or that he just wasn't in the mood to pretend, as evidenced by the frown he was failing to fight off his face.

"Oh yeah, that." Oli says, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. he very clearly, yet understandably, does not like reminders of his imprisonment in Gobland. "Didn't really mean to cause you trouble with all that."

"It's fine, really. I've had to lock up worse criminals that you." Jimmy says, waving his hands in a dismissive manner. Oli invites him into the tent by holding the door flaps open, and Jimmy ducks his head as he steps inside. He's still surprised to feel no one swiping for his hat when he walks by, even if most people have long since stopped that behavior.

The bard goes to sit down on the carpet he had been before, his usual persona now dropped entirely as he speaks. "I still wanna say sorry for it. And for the weird stuff I said-"

"You have nothing to apologize for." Jimmy cuts him off, taking a seat next to the bard. Their decently close, and one man will occasionally shift closer, as if some magnetic field is drawing them together. The Sheriff finds he isn't bothered by that at all.

"I don't?" Oli says, a little stunned and his eyes widened. Like he had been convinced to believe that stupid imprisonment was truly his fault. Jimmy feels his stomach turn into knots at the thought of that.

"No, you don't." Jimmy says, and acts on a small impulse. He puts one of his hands over the bard's, and squeezes it in the most comforting manner he can muster. "It's not your fault fWhip has dumb rules about stealing."

"Finally someone understands a poor bard's perspective!" Oli exclaims, not even glancing at their now connected hands. He sounds more like his normal self for a moment, which reassures the Sheriff quite a lot. It shows he's not as upset or angry as Jimmy feared. Meaning this relationship is one of the fixable ones, thankfully.

"I should probably be saying sorry to you, actually." The Sheriff continues, years old memories flashing through his mind and the doubts he had felt at the time beginning to resurface. "I knew jailing you was a little unfair, but I went along with it anyways."

"No hard feelings Sheriff!" Oli smiles, bright like the sun. And Jimmy cannot help but return the expression, only doing so with a tiny bit of hesitance

"Really?" He asks, squeezing Oli's hand again. The bard squeezes this own hand back this time, and the Sheriff feels himself smile more confidently than before.

"None at all! Mainly because I quite like you, dear Jim." Oli says, and leans in like a cat would. His normal persona is back in full swing. It had been there earlier, just a little weak. Now he was doing all the endearingly weird voices again.

"You do..?" Jimmy asks, feeling his cheeks start to turn a little red at the words. Even though they shouldn't, because that's a phrase the bard would say to literally anyone. Oli sees the effect his words have, and grins an impish little grin.

"I do indeed~" Oli hums, leaning closer. Their shoulders brushed as he did so, the contact almost feeling warm and fiery. Jimmy just had to lean away from the other, the blush extending down to his neck. Not because he hated it, but because it was simply too tempting. And he didn't want to do anything stupid.

"Well if you like me so much, might as well show me around." He mutters, the Sheriff sounding a little sheepish even to his own ears. Even though he moved back, Oli had been a stupid little tease and moved closer once more. Jimmy was going to strangle him for it (lovingly, of course.) "I've always wanted to see this place!"

"Well let me take you on a tour then!" Oli says, standing suddenly. He takes advantage of their hands still touching as he does so, and locks their fingers together. Jimmy holds back a yelp as his body is suddenly jolted upwards. stumbling to keep his balance. "I'll even sing you a little tune as well!"

"That would be lovely." Jimmy smiles a little softly once he is steady on his feet again, letting Oli lead him out the tent. He ducks his head on the way out, no longer paranoid of something snatching his hat.

"....Thank you, by the way." Oli says, his shoes crunching against the sand when they are outside once more. He doesn't elaborate, because he doesn't need too.

"No problem." Jimmy says. The tour begins after that, and the Sheriff gets a pretty nice vacation day, if he does say so himself.

(And if that day ends with the both of them back in the main tent, tired and snuggled against each other in a sleeping bag only made for one, then that was for the Sheriff and the Bard to know, and absolutely no one else.)

#I said I would only do one fwhimmy and I LIED I DID MORE #ron.asks #ron.writing #fwhimmy #empireshipping #Made them all shipping so the tags wouldn't be a mess #cletho #trafficshipping #jimmy x oli #<--- what's their ship name #I tried to make sure you could some of these as /p or qpr if you want to as well :3

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crystalsenergy · 6 months

Text

Celebratory dates and Energies

have you ever felt a decrease in energy during Christmas, New Year, and the like?

Have you noticed something common with year-end celebratory dates? I don't know your level of sensitivity, and it's okay if you haven't noticed this, but every year-end, the collective vibration level drops a bit, and this happens because of what is behind the way we experience these dates.

Currently, we still force and reinforce various patterns around the "perfect" way to celebrate a special occasion. It's the time when many people feel somewhat obligated to be part of something they 1) don't enjoy, 2) be close to people they wouldn't want to be around, 3) experience something that does not reflect their true desires for that day.

Especially because we're talking about a moment that commerce and society define as a "family moment," those dealing with difficulties around family feel double the pressure and limiting beliefs projected by others, thus, the vibration decreases.

And why does the energy reduction happen more collectively? Because it's something we still have to evolve and improve.

Empaths and beings with a heightened sensitivity understand well what I'm saying. If your conscious mind hasn't made you think about it yet, just remember the times you felt down or melancholic at the end of the year. It's not just because it's the end of a cycle; it's a moment when collectively shared limiting beliefs (about family, etc.) are reinforced.

Here in Brazil, at least, we deal a lot with very traditional ideas about family. According to Brazilian tradition - that is ingrained in our collective consciousness - family holds immense value in a person's life, which is interesting. However, due to the almost sacred nature attributed to family, all pains, bitterness, complications aren't dealt with in the most appropriate way because (before any reflection) idolatry comes first…

And so, the pains are experienced differently: they are kept, buried, because parents and family members are sacred authorities, and one cannot question them.

With joy, I see here and there that we are encouraged to open our minds, with famous cases coming to light (here in Brazil, for example, the case of Larissa Manoela, among others), showing us that there is no automatic love or perfection just because someone is a father or mother. After all, they are humans like us, destined to make mistakes and they also can be really difficult people to keep close - just like anyone.

On days like these when, for whatever reason, we still cannot fully exercise the desires of our hearts, days when we cannot live the dates our way, I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible because the melancholy that lingers in part of the collective energy (not all of it) is evident.

I hope that one day we experience more of the flavor of what Love truly is… not to restrain, not to demand that a person be and act in a certain way; but simply to be as they are, naturally, without these demands that tie, imprison, and represent much more projection than true love.

After all, who said that blood ties are an automatic source of Love? Reflecting is necessary - observing the world around us too! The evidence is there.

May we be more and more free each day and able to perceive the effects of these prisons in which we place ourselves and others.

Ask yourself: Why demand that Christmas be a certain way? Does everyone feel good being in that same environment at the same time? What did each person want to do on that day? What is the value of this tradition if it generates more inner sadness, melancholy, anger than unity?

Appearances, social status.... why?

Everything has a price, and unfortunately, we collectively deal with the price of seeing and living celebratory dates like this.

May we learn the language of freedom once and for all.

Freedom is synonymous with fluidity, peace, love…

#reflection #christmas text #reflection about family #family issues #writers on tumblr #reflective #reflections #collective issues #limiting beliefs #limiting beliefs about family #crystalsenergy

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