#like at least I'm crying now not just full of pain that kinda thing
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Hi, how have you been? I love your blog and the way you write!💖 I have a request to make, if you're comfortable with that... How would Riize react when you think they are cheating on you, but in reality it's all a misunderstanding, and they're just too busy. (English is not my first language so I'm sorry if this is a little confusing!)
# WHEN YOU THINK THEY'RE CHEATING ON YOU ; 7riize.
⚝ bf!riize x gn!reader | angst | bf au
⚝ note ; im kinda busy, but im doing good!! thank you so much ily :( and don't worry abt it i understood your req perfectly!! thank u for requesting, i hope u like it <3
# SHOTARO.
- for the first time ever, shotaro doesn't smile. he can only sit in silent shock while he processes your words, and the first thing he can think of to do is to hug you. holds you tight as he whispers apologies over and over again, feeling terrible that he made you think that he was cheating on you. reassures you gently that he would never, and promises that once he gets a rest day, he'll spend all his free time with you.
# EUNSEOK.
- eunseok isn't one who usually shows his emotions, but pain and guilt is so evident on his face after hearing what you said. he had no idea that you were feeling this way from how busy he's been these days, and he feels awful about it. tells you that he's sorry while wiping your tears away, and he swears to himself to start treating you with more love and care from that day onwards, starting from right now.
# SUNGCHAN.
- he hates himself for making you think that he was cheating on you. calls up his boss immediately with the fakest cough and sneezes, lying without batting an eye about how he was 'terribly sick' and needed 'at least two days off' to 'recover'. he spends those two days with you, never once leaving your side as he takes you out to all your favorite places and showers you with love and compliments.
# WONBIN.
- even though he immediately reassures you that he's not cheating on you and spends the night with you in his arms, he still feels so bad. life still goes on as usual for the both of you the next day, him busy at work while you were busy with yours. but just to make it up to you, wonbin has a bouquet sent right up into your office - a bouquet of a hundred and one roses, reminding you that you're his one and only lover.
# SEUNGHAN.
- he understands how you feel and why'd you think that way, so other than seunghan promising that he'll try to spend more time with you, he also lets you voice out your worries in detail. he listens with full attention, nodding when you mention how you didn't like one of his female coworkers because she seemed so close with your boyfriend. and right after the words have left your lips, seunghan slips out his phone and blocks her on everything, right in front of you. he wants you to rest assured knowing that he couldn't care less for anyone else in this world other than you.
# SOHEE.
- sohee has not and would never cheat on you. he loves you too much for that. he tells you just that as he gently kisses away your tears, holding you tightly in his arms for the rest of the night. he feels horrible for making you feel insecure in your relationship, so he makes sure to shower you in extra affection for the next few days. breakfasts in bed, long kisses before he leaves for work, and constant updates with photos about his day to you.
# ANTON.
- his heart literally shatters into pieces. he can't help but cry too, because how could he make the love of his life feel this way? he apologizes to you through sniffles and sobs, promising you that he'd never cheat on you. tries his best to finish up his work faster the next day so he can come straight home to you and into your arms.
© anton-luvr, 2023.
taglist : @wonbons @mxlly143 @keehobaldboy @shawyle @yenart @lycheecheeseyogurt
#got kinda sad writing this...#got even sadder proofreading it.......#sarah's 400 ! ☆#riize#riize fics#riize angst#riize fluff#riize drabbles#riize imagines#riize reactions#riize scenarios#riize anton#riize sohee#riize seunghan#riize wonbin#riize sungchan#riize eunseok#riize shotaro#riize x reader
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Frank, could you tell me a story about that wet ass pussy?
The guy in the next room is crying. I've been on a couch for five hours, waiting for my bladder to relax enough that I can pee. My ass feels like a mushroom. If I could just pee and get out of this chair, maybe then things would feel better. But my body won't let me pee yet, it seems. It was one thing when I woke up at noon, but now it's almost 4:00 PM and there's still no sign of relief.
I try to remember what it felt like before all this happened.
It had to have felt good. Right? Maybe if I think about how it used to be -- the warmth, the wetness, the feeling of being full but not too full -- maybe I'll find some comfort. Some small bit of joy that will make it easier to ignore everything else going wrong.
But instead, as soon as I start imagining myself with an empty bladder again, I begin to scream. So loudly and so violently that tears stream down my face and I pull my knees into my chest, trying to hug them as tightly as possible. The pain helps. In fact, it's the only thing keeping me from ripping off my skin, because right now nothing hurts more than being reminded of how normal people do something that they never even consciously think about doing. How easy their lives are compared to mine.
Maybe I should kill him, or at least knock his eyes. He knows. Everyone does. They know why I haven't left the house since Saturday night. Why I have no friends except for his family, who avoid talking to me whenever we cross paths in the hallway. All they see is that I look different now. They see that I don't seem happy anymore, which makes sense given the circumstances, but it doesn't stop them from acting nervous around me. There may be hope though. This morning when he left for work I heard his mother ask "Where's Dylan?" And she said it twice! She seemed really concerned, and probably upset, which means she cares about him and thinks this whole situation is kinda fucked up. That's encouraging, isn't it? If she cares about her son and thinks he's fucked up, well . . . I guess that means that . . . wait, am I allowed to say anything here? FUCK!!! You gotta tell us where you are! Hello??? Can anyone hear me?? Please help!! Hi!! Is anybody home?? HELLO HELP ME PLEASE LET ME OUT OF THIS ROOM!! NO ONE IS HOME SHE LEFT TWO WEEKS AGO AND NOW MY BLADDER ITCHES SO MUCH IT MAKES MY EYEBALLS GO WHITE AAAAAAARGHHHHHH OH GOD FUCKING SHIT JUST GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE FOR CRYIN- UUGGGHHH FUCK YOU STOP SASSING ME OVER THE INTERCOM I KNOW WHERE TO GET YOUR KEYS AND IF YOU TURN YOUR VOLUME UP ANY MORE I'M GONNA SLAP YOU WITH MY COCK LIKE A ROTTEN MARLIN AND THEN YOU'LL BE GLAD NOT TO BE ABLE TO SEE OR HEAR EVER AGAIN. GIVE ME MY FUCKING KEYS OR
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(isat spoilers, full game just in case)
tell me about typos because oops
Sussed out
TTOS version of Kinda Sus dialogue from ISAT
Bonnie: ...
Loop: "..."
Bonnie: ...Oh, do you want me to start?
Bonnie: We did it, Loop! Our journey is over now.
Bonnie: ...meh.
Bonnie: Looking back, this part was kinda...short, compared to our whole journey.
(...Only short for your party. You don't even remember how long you've been trapped.)
Bonnie: But we saved Vaugarde, Loop! That's something to brag about, right?
Bonnie: I bet my sister will be impressed when I finally go back home.
Bonnie: It was fun travelling with you, but i still need to take care after her. Or at least make sure she is OK. She is probably VERY confused right now, haha!
Bonnie: Although, I might need to continue my travels after this...
Loop: (Oh, you know why, teehee~)
"To find a birthday gift for her?"
"To find the rarest Vaugardian recipe?"
Bonnie: Oh, you managed to figure it out! Congratulations! Probably makes sense because we are a family of chefs...
Bonnie: Don't tell the others. I like seeing Mira trying to guess, it's so cute.
Bonnie: What's it gonna be next? A silverware set? A golden spatula?
Loop: (You wanna see them laugh again...) "Well, she isn't cooking with these gueses"
(Bonnie makes a pained expresion, but after a second lets out a long "pfffft")
Bonnie: Hahaha! Fine, you win.
Bonnie: I'll miss you, Loop. Including your jokes.
Bonnie: Even though I never knew too much about you, I know you are a good person. And that is what matters, right? But you shouldn't hide from us this much, okay? We'd love to listen to your problems!
Bonnie: You can also visit me at Bambouche! You'll get to see my kick-crab sister!
(Bonnie smiles at you joyfully.)
(You fake a smile with your eyes.)
Bonnie: ...That isn't fooling anyone. What's-
Odile: HEY! WHY IS THERE A LEAF IN MY BOOK???
Isa: W-WHAT?
Bonnie: ...oops, that was me. Forgot to tell her I've used her book for herb drying, hehe.
Bonnie: But really, you don't look...happy. Is everything good? Need a snack?
Loop: "...What do you mean? I'm fine, teehee..."
Bonnie: That "teehee" was even more fake than your smile.
Bonnie: And I don't just mean now! You've felt off since yesterday! You've stopped being mysterious and sassy and cool like usual! Now it's just kinda...sad.
Bonnie: What's wrong, Loop?
Loop: "Nothing!"
(Augh, you said it too quick! Now they will ask more questions...)
Bonnie: ....fine. You could've just said you don't want to talk about it.
Bonnie: But don't pretend it isn't there. I notice it because I care.
Loop: *mumbling* "...what would you notice, anyway...."
(...Bonnie...closes their eyes and sighs.)
Bonnie: Oh, I notice a lot of things, Loop.
(...?! Did you say it too loudly?!)
Bonnie: ...I could brush off the fact that you don't pay attention to traps... Or the way you find keys like you already knew about them, especially that Crying Key...
Loop: (!!!) "Boniface, wai-"
Bonnie: You're the person who is supposed to do those things, after all. But I draw the line at the books you've read.
(!!!!!)
Bonnie: See... I might not be as smart as Isa or Dile... But I am the oldest in the group. I feel like I need to look after you all very carefully.
Bonnie: ...
Bonnie: I am also a chef.
(...?)
Bonnie: Even now I can feel it... This sickly sweet scent around you. You read a book about it here, right?
Loop: (OH NO) "Bonnie, please..."
(You feel your pupils shaking.)
Bonnie: ...That was when I started to connect the dots, as Dile would say. Your sudden change of attitude, the books, the smell...
Bonnie: Now that I say it, it also explains why you were unfazed by the spikes in the Death Corridor.
(YOU NEED TO STOP THIS. YOU CAN'T LET THEM FIND OUT!!!)
Loop: "B-but how would I know?!"
Loop: "It the first time I'm here, so there is no way I could've known, right? I'm just trying to be cool, haha!"
(Your small laughs are getting pathetic.)
Bonnie: Oh, there is one way. You should know by now, with all your "research".
(!!!)
Bonnie: I wanted you to say it yourself, but it seems like I have to.
Bonnie: You have been here before. Just not on your travels. You have been repeating this part of our journey. I guess more than once, even.
Bonnie: Did something happen? Did you wish to loop back, just to cancel-
Loop: "NO!"
Odile, Mirabelle, Isa: !
Loop: "SOMETHING DID HAPPEN! BUT I DIDNT WISH FOR IT!"
(Tears start running down your cloaked face.)
Loop: "And I don't even know what happened! We have won! We should have won many days ago!"
Bonnie: Loop, please-
Loop: "And you can't figure it out more than me! Because you can't remember! And I never have the courage to share it!"
(The taste of the sugar...)
(You drop to your knees.)
Mirabelle: Loop, why are you yelling?
Odile: What is going on?
(They all can feel it. You can see it on their faces. Especially Bonnie's.)
Loop: "BECAUSE I THINK LIKE IT'S ALL MY FAULT! AND IT IS, ISN'T IT! I AM THE ONE THAT CAUSED ALL OF THIS SOMEHOW!"
Bonnie: No, wait-
Loop: "And if you remembered all the things I tried to get out, you would abandon me! You would hate me! And, and-"
<Loopback.>
Bonnie: ....fine. You could've just said you don't want to talk about it.
Bonnie: But don't pretend it isn't there. I notice it because I care.
(You barely manage not to continue yelling.)
Loop: ...Thank you, Bonnie. But I don't want to talk about it, yes.
(Bonnie smiles.)
Bonnie: See, that was easy! But do get a snack later, you look... pale.
(...yeah, it was easy...)
<Memory of Scent>
"Boniface cares about you. [Increases the effectiveness of healing skills of the wearer]"
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OK I slept for 9 hours and eated a sandwich. I will now speak about why the events of this past week made me clinically insane, especially last night. long post, sorry. I'm normal I swear just not about this or most things
basically I started watching wrestling on new year's day '24 because a podcast host I like said he liked it, so I said let me give this a shot, everything I've ever heard about wrestling makes it seem stupid asf but why not I have a free day. and.
the podcast host (it's anthony burch) was talking about a guy called cody rhodes so I typed that into youtube. watched clips of the 2023 wwe wargames because that was topical at the time. I saw cody, sami, jey, seth, randy and the judgment day, and instantly liked rhea, damian, seth and cody in particular. watched the latter 2 in hell in a cell. more clips. watched even more. seth was flashy and cool and oh what's that, a clip called 'the shield implodes'. roman reigns is there, I know him from pop culture as being hot and despised and now, from being linked to jey. holy shit why did seth do that. that other guy looks like he's gonna cry. hold up why he kinda..
2 months later. I'm 2 years deep into dean ambrose's wwe career. I've seen dozens of hours of his best friendship with roman and situationship with seth, and cody rhodes has even popped up as a cartoon character. I've seen moxley matches from czw and fcw. his angy promos. seth and roman pop up occasionally. I'm leery of aew because nobody I know is there except dean, but let me just try out a match. bcc vs the elite. holy crap that was fucken sick let me check out others whooaahhh these guys are FLIPPIN wait is that.
I start watching being the elite and cody is there. I switch between aew and wwe and get the grim tale of wrestlers transferring over and back, the feuds, the pettiness, the amazing matches. in one tab the rock is announcing he's fighting roman at wrestlemania and in another the bullet club are picking a new founder. I'm also watching njpw at this point. I participate in the we want cody movement. shit happens.
wrestlemania week. I'm seeing cody and the bucks and kenny get giddy over starting a new company in 2019. cody is wearing suits to monday night raw even though he talked mad shit abt wwe as recently as 3 yrs ago. mjf. luchas. dark order. house of black. performers I'm watching in 2014 that died last year. cody vs roman announced and seth is there and roman calls him 'little brother' and moxley is not beside them. cm punk spills abt drama on a podcast. the bucks fire back. I learned about this beef A WEEK AGO and it happened LAST YEAR and NOW it's coming to a head
night 2. roman is assisted in defeating cody except the shield music plays. I have seen every single shield match AND dean, roman and seth match between 2012-2015 in full at this point. I get shocked so bad I almost have a panic attack bc I am. certain that moxley is about to rock up with seth. he doesn't. but roman hears that music and sees seth in his old gear and like a war veteran is transported back to the moment his world shattered, the moment seth destroyed the shield and set into motion events that would lead to seth becoming a solo champion, dean leaving, and roman being left so vulnerable afterwards that the first chance he had to use his cousins - his last remaining friends - as tools he took it. roman has the opportunity to end cody or inflict pain on an already downed seth and he cannot help himself. at the time I'm typing out a post before he even does it because I'm that certain he will, and the chair goes into seth's back and roman goes down, and he's smiling as he's pinned because that sliver of revenge tasted so much sweeter than 3 years at the top, alone. destroying seth wasn't getting his brothers back but at least he has crushed this monster inside him that grew teeth and claws from being hated and abandoned and hurt. moxley isn't there and seth is and that's kind of the point, that's the reason for the rage and the pain and why roman had to make it end. had to.
and cody wins. and I'm searching him on youtube. and its after over a decade of this story but it's only been 3 months for me
#cody rhodes#roman reigns#jon moxley#dean ambrose#seth rollins#wwe#wrestlemania 40#it was 50 years of culture squeezed into a few weeks.#i need to emphasise that the first full match i ever watched was with cody and seth#and everything spiralled from that. and i found the shield. and mox and aew which i now love#and it was A LOT.#AND CODY WON. THE FIRST WRESTLER I ROOTED FOR. AND HE'S A SPECIAL GUY TO ME FOR THIS REASON#but yeah I'm crazy when it comes to shield feelings because they have such deep roots in the past decade of the industry.#OG legend killers. codependent partners. the only thing that could destroy the shield was its own members#cody wouldnt be a champion without them.#fighting roman using seth and only getting to that place of honour by coming from aew. which was made famous with stars like moxley#i need to . Lie Down#LONG POST#personal#i guess
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Scene ; Joseph Quinn
Leave it to me to see one comment asking for a full fic based on one of my Moments drabbles and actually write that shit 😭 I've been working on this piece for weeks and I'm pretty happy with how I left it so here it is for your reading pleasure ;)
Before we start, a couple of things:
This is pre-Feelings (tho reader is very much in love here but doesn't realize it)
The death scene is from the POV of Stacey, your character, and is mostly my dialogue bc i tried watching the actual clip and got less than 10 seconds in before i started crying 🙃 so I'm not gonna torture myself like that y'all sorry lol
Reader is portrayed as having anxiety and overthinks a lot, kinda like in Feelings. I write her like this bc that's pretty much how I am in real life about my own thoughts, feelings, and basically everything else. Aaannnd that's basically it lmao
Pairing: Joseph Quinn x Fem!Actress!Reader
Warnings: Unedited content, strong language, ANGST, description of Eddie's death scene, mentions of blood, mild depictions of anxiety, some fluff, and touching, duh ;)
wc: 3.6k
I already linked the other two fics so read Touch here
Pt 2 here
Prior to this day, you had your assumptions that actors filming a death scene would be pretty tough.
But, now that you were in a position where you yourself would be at the borderline center of one, ‘tough’ was kind of an understatement.
‘Tough’ wasn’t nearly a suitable enough word to describe having to cradle your co-star who was covered in prosthetic wounds and fake blood as he sputtered out I love you’s and goodbye’s, and then ‘died’ in your arms.
Maybe ‘tough’ would be the appropriate term here, if said co-star wasn’t your best fucking friend and the person you were undoubtably closest with on set. Him dying in your arms, even if it was just for the screen, was still an experience that would feel way too real-even if you tried to remind yourself that, at the end of the day, it wasn’t. No matter how true to life it would seem. No matter how damn realistic those wounds looked (why the fuck did Amy and her team have to be so talented?), and no matter how fucking incredible Joe Quinn was at pretending to die.
The words ‘calm down’ echoed in your head like a broken record all day. They had blended into one, to the point where they were incoherent and didn’t seem to make sense. Thus, they did very little to offer comfort.
The day had been frustrating, to put it lightly. But, at least you had Joe.
That morning, during your daily-or hourly-sanctioned bear hug, your heartbeat was so strong he practically heard it pulsing in his ears. That alone told him your anxiety would be working double time that day. It was a serious pain in the agss sometimes.
You and Joe had always been attached at the hip over the last year and some, always hanging off of each other in some way or another. And today, it was with good reason attached to it-not that (consensual) physical touch ever had to have a purpose other than wanting to be close. Having that gentle contact, even if it was just a hand on your shoulder-was more than enough to ground you and halt the overactive thoughts-even if for a couple of minutes.
Although he’d say he was only trying to comfort you, it was obvious your embraces and touches held mutual benefit. Just as he was able to sense your anxiety, you could sense his. The sweaty palms when your fingers laced together during breakfast and lunch weren’t from you, nor were the goosebumps you felt against your collarbones when he held you from behind after you got your makeup done for the scene. This showed you that, despite acting his ass off during rehearsals, it didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous.
But, in typical heartthrob-from-a-90s-novel-written-by-a-woman fashion, all his energy was put into making you feel better, comforted, and assured that everything would be okay. Even if he had no idea what the true driving force was behind your anxiousness.
You couldn’t have asked for a better on screen boyfriend. Stacey Miller-Rhodes was a damn lucky gal. Well, up until her boyfriend got chunks of his flesh ripped from his body by demobats. Meaning he died. Meaning Eddie was gone.
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.
A sharp knock on your trailer door interrupted your useless mantra, as you jolted, just a little, before giving permission for whoever to enter.
In walked Matt and Ross, warm smiles on their faces. It didn’t do much to ease you, because you knew why they were here.
“Hey, Y/N, you ready?” Ross asked. Matt stood by the door keeping it open, since it was time to go.
You nodded. “Yep,” your voice was even, masking the heavy feeling in your throat. You were not ready.
“Figured we’d come get you ourselves, Joe’s busy with makeup on set, for, you know-”
“I know. Thanks,” you said quickly, cutting Matt off. “Let’s get going, then,” you said, standing up and walking past Matt, exiting your trailer. You heard the door shut softly and their footsteps following behind you.
You were being short with them, but that was because you really only wanted Joe at this moment. Unfortunately, he was currently being ‘deadified’ on set, which is where you were now headed. You two had a little cuddle session in your trailer, where he held you tight and layed kiss after kiss on your forehead, cooing that it would be okay and that you would both be fine. After that, he had to go to the makeup trailer to get his prosthetic wounds applied. The process had taken hours, and then he had to film the scene where Eddie actually got attacked by the bats. This meant it had been a while since you saw him last. So, his mamed and mangled appearance awaited you, when the last time you saw him, he was totally unharmed and at ease.
You entered the building, in which there were only a chosen few people. It was a closed set, just you, Joe, and the necessary crew members. The Duffers believed that because a death scene with a couple was so intimate, you and Joe were the only actors that should be on set.
That, you were thankful for. You were your best self when it was just you and Joe, so you could be your best ‘acting self’, when it was just the two of you as well.
Your eyes were immediately drawn to the ‘Upside Down’, a set made to look like the particular spot in the alternate universe where everything would go down. It was tinted blue and almost sent a chill down your spine to look at, from how cold uninviting, and eerie the general vibe of the scenery was. And a little depressing, which was pretty fitting. The backdrop was a blue screen, which would be used to add the background of the setting, to make everything look as real as possible.
You spotted Joe in the middle of the set, the makeup team applying fake blood to his very real looking wounds.
“C’mon, we wanna talk to you and Joe for a second before we start,” Matt told you, and as much as that made sense, you wished Joe was more than just a few feet away so you could prepare a little more for seeing him….like that, outside of the context of the scene.
“Okay,” you said as you three began walking towards him just as makeup finished up their job. When you got to him, you felt yourself tense up at his appearance as you lingered back, just a little bit. He stood awkwardly with his arms slightly hovering away from his body, clearly not wanting to disrupt the fake damage. You could tell from the sight before you that with how much fake blood the team used, those demobats would really do a number on Eddie.
You hated those little CGI bastards.
“Hey,” Joe said, gaining your attention, though his tone was light. You met his eyes, narrowly avoiding the blood streaking the lower half of his face.
“Hi,” you said back, feeling just a little bit of air release from your lungs, not even remembering when you took a breath in. You wanted to make a sarcastic quip to lighten the mood, but words failed you. You didn’t really feel like being funny right now.
“So, you guys remember how the scene goes, Eddie just sacrificed himself and got attacked by the bats, and Stacey runs up to him afterward and sees his body laying there, barely alive, covered in blood and wounds,” Matt began.
You curled your lips in and nodded stiffly, feeling the slightest of shocks run through your body. Calm down.
“I know you two are gonna kill this scene,” Matt continued. “No one understands or could have brought to life Eddie and Stacey better than the two of you,” he said warmly, clamping hands down on both your shoulders. Yours was tense under his touch and Stacey’s clothing.
You had to admit, though, he was right. You had a lot of input into Stacey’s character, taking her from Eddie’s shy girlfriend who was just a tool to enhance how eccentric he was, to a girl with a backstory and reasons for her reserved nature. Knowing Stacey’s history would make the scene even more gut wrenching to film. A girl raised in a household with a domineering step-father who believed women should be seen and not heard, who made her life a living hell under the watchful eye of her mother who did nothing to stop it. Upon turning 18 she left him and his toxicity behind, but carried the burden of years of being forced to subdue herself. Eddie got her to open up to him, but she still carried herself quietly around others. The fear of judgment was damaging.
Because of how much you put into Stacey and the influence you had on her storyline, you knew none of your nervousness had to do with how you’d perform in the scene. You were confident in your abilities as an actress and knew you could carry this scene with the help of Joe perfectly.
“Thanks, guys, that means a lot,” you said to them, gripping the moto jacket you wore, canonically taken by Stacey from Eddie’s closet.
“Yeah, truly, we’ve come a long way from me thinking I would completely ruin the show,” Joe chuckled, the smile on his face juxtaposed by the blood caking it. It was actually kind of off putting.
“Alright, well, let’s get this show on the road!” Mat clapped his hands and walked with his brother offset.
More like let’s get this over with. You were about to walk off to get in your spot, when Joe grabbed your hand gently, stopping you. You turned to face him, brows raised expectantly.
“You good?” he asked.
Deciding to keep this short and sweet, you settled for a quick nod, and a soft ‘yeah’. Satisfied, he released your hand so you could go to your place, just as one of the Duffers yelled “Places!”
When you got to your mark, you looked over to Joe one more time, who was already looking your way. You could feel the intensity of his stare from where you stood, those gorgeous brown eyes and the way they sparkled no matter the lighting or setting. He gave you a smile, and you returned one, unable to ever not do so. It managed to give you a new found confidence you lacked just seconds prior. He took his position on the ground, and then, it was time.
There was no turning back once it began. Unless you swiveled on your heels and ran in the opposite direction, which was tempting.
Once it happened, everything you were worried about could become a possibility to follow suit.
You sucked in an unstable breath and closed your eyes, savoring a final moment of calm before those two little word were uttered-
“And….ACTION!”
You took off.
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Stacey’s heart was ramming against her ribcage the moment she re-entered the upside down, but when she saw her boyfriend lying limp on the cold, wet ground, she swore her legs would give out as her heart seemed to cease in its entirety.
He had gone back. He wanted to be a hero. He didn’t want to run anymore, but God, she wished he did.
“Eddie!” Stacey called out, voice unstable and legs threatening to give out from underneath her as she sprinted towards him. Somewhere in the corner of her mind that was swarming with fears of what would happen to him, she began to pray to whoever there was that could hear her and help him.
Please let him be okay. Please. Please. Please.
“Ed, babe, oh my God,” Stacey whispered, and fell to her knees before his broken down form. His torso was torn to shreds, his Hellfire shirt almost completely soaked with blood from his wounds. She took hold of him and pulled the upper half of his body into her lap, feeling the red substance begin to seep through her jeans.
The demo bats surrounded the two of them, incapacitated, laying limp on the floor of the upside down-taunting you. Blissfully unaware that they had probably just taken the love of Stacey's life away from her, brutally, with no remorse, as he tried so desperately to be the hero, not the coward he convinced himself he was.
“Ed, are you with me? Can you hear me?” Stacey asked him softly, not wanting to scare him. She brushed his hair from his face and tried to meet his eyes, his gaze unfocused and teary.
Eddie’s voice came out shaky and weak from his blood coated mouth, his cheeks smeared with it. “I did it,” he choked out. “I didn’t run anymore,”
There was no denying he felt some semblance of pride at what he did, and because of that, Stacey couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, though the tension in the noise was palpable. “Yeah, yeah baby, you’re so brave,” she told him.
The proud smile he bore was distorted by a look of pain as he shifted slightly. “It’s bad, isn’t it?” he groaned, in clear discomfort.
One of her hands applied pressure to one of the many wounds that marred his torso as he shivered in her arms. “No, no babe, it’s fine, you're gonna be okay,” she stumbled out, trying to sound as confident in her words as possible, when everything about the situation told her that her words were not the truth. “We just….we just need to get to you to a hospital and everything’s gonna be okay, Ed, don’t worry,”
“No. I think this was it, baby,” he met his girlfriend’s gaze, his jaw trembling as more blood dribbled out the sides of his mouth as he took in barely there, labored breaths. “This was finally my year,”
Stacey choked out helpless cries, caressing his face, and shaking her head. This couldn’t be his year, this couldn’t be the way it ended. He was supposed to finally graduate and the two of them were supposed to get the hell out of Hawkins together, away from all the bullshit media propaganda and pearl clutching PTA moms. They were going to get out of there and be happy together. That was how it was supposed to fucking be, goddammit.
“No,” Stacey gritted.“This isn’t over yet, you’re gonna be okay, Ed,” she nodded stiffly, lips trembling as salty tears flowed into the seam. “We’re just gonna wait a little until the others get here, then we’re gonna carry you out of this hellhole and take you to a hospital, and the doctors there are going to fix you, baby, they’re going to make the bleeding go away, and stitch you up and give you some meds, and then you’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay,” she chanted weakly as her cheeks became soaked with tears. She wanted to speak it into existence, even as reality clawed and fought its way to the front of her mind.
“Baby,” he cooed. He placed a cold hand on hers, the one that still pressed against one of his wounds, gripping it weakly. Always the one who wanted to comfort her, even if he needed it way more in this situation. “I’ve fulfilled my duty as Eddie the Banished, I didn’t run, and I saved the town,” he told her.
“That town doesn’t deserve your sacrifice, Eddie,” Stacey argued pathetically.
“I saved you,” he stressed, making it known that this act was with only one person at the forefront as motivation, the rest of the town behind her. “And you’re worth it, Stacey. You’re so. Fucking. Worth it,” he said to her, lacing their fingers together, pulling the back of her hand up to his lips, and pressing a bloodied kiss to the cold, dirty skin.
“I love you so much,” he said as firmly as his shutting down body would let him.
It hurt her to not say those words back, but she knew why he said them, and she didn’t want to accept this as the end.
“Ed, don't you dare say goodbye,” she told him through her tears, trying to sound strong and sure, but it wasn’t possible. “This isn’t the end for you, this isn’t the end for us,” she said.
“Stacey, baby, I want you to listen to me,” Eddie began, the wobble in his voice impossible to ignore now as he tried to raise his head as much as he could, wanting her to truly take in his next words. “When you go back, I want you to go home and pack all of your shit, as much as you can carry, and I want you to get on the next bus out, because you’re gonna leave that shithole Hawkins. You’re gonna tell that place to kiss your ass and you’re gonna run like hell out of there without so much as a single glance back,”
Stacey shook her head, understanding where this was headed, not wanting to hear a word more. “Ed, no-”
“You’re gonna find some place for the both of us, somewhere where the people aren’t shallow minded assholes, where we can be whoever the fuck we want to be with each other, and I want you to live your life everyday as you would have if I was there,’
“Eddie, I can’t-”
“Yes, you can. I don’t want you to cave back into yourself, baby. You’re the most beautiful, brilliant, incredible human being I’ve ever met and everyone deserves to know you and appreciate you as you are. Do you hear me?”His proclamation to her ended with that simple question, and he left no room for argument.
She absorbed all his words, every letter, every syllable, struggling to accept that the life they wanted to have together, would have to continue on without him. The life she wanted with him would totally and completely absolve her from the one she had growing up. Could she do it? Could she move on?
Those answers remained to be determined, but the one thing she absolutely couldn’t do was argue with him anymore. She just didn’t have it in her to deny him his dying wish, or keep fighting what he had already accepted.
Closing her eyes, more droplets fell, mixing with his blood. She felt herself nodding before she could even consider another response in her mind. “Yeah,” she whispered in a watered down voice. “Yeah, baby, I hear you,” she opened her eyes and met his own once more.
“Good,” he replied. “Good,” his voice was noticeably more floaty that time.
They fell silent. They just looked into one another’s eyes, exchanging so many words and feelings that would completely consume what little time they had left together. His hand was still laced with hers, pressed against his chest, where she could feel his weakening heart beat.
“I love you so much,” he repeated his words from earlier, breaking the hauntingly peaceful quiet. It was barely above a whisper practically mouthed, but she heard him, loud and clear. And as soon as those words came out, he looked ahead blankly, his eyes slowly beginning to lose the light in them Stacey loved so much.
“Eddie, no, please,” she gritted, tears dripping from her eyes uncontrollably. “Stay with me, baby, please,” she pleaded urgently, brushing more of his damp hair out of the way and patting his cheek lightly, trying to get him to remain alert….alive. She just wanted one more moment with him. Just one.
But then, she felt it.
His body stilled.
His grip on her hand went limp.
His eyes lost any life left in them.
“Eddie,” she whimpered, hand remaining on his cheek. Her body shook uncontrollably as she let the tears fall freely onto him, her agony and pain taking over as she held his lifeless form close to hers. She repeated his name through her cries, trying to wake him, trying to make this nightmare end. She leaned down and pressed her forehead to his, wanting to feel him as close as possible, for what was the very last time.
“I love you, too,” Stacey whispered, her lips touching the skin between his eyebrows. If those words meant anything anymore, she wanted it to be at this moment.
Because she truthfully didn’t know when-or if- she would ever say them again.
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“CUT!”
It was like a switch went off in you, as reality made its presence known once more.
The scene was done, the Duffers yelled cut, it was over.
However, the moment fully sank in when Joe rose up and took your hands in his, pulling you upright and bringing you into a warm embrace. You didn’t care about the fake blood that would get all over your front or the fact that his back was soggy and caked with damp dirt, you threw your arms around him and held on tightly, rivaling the hold he had on you.
“You did so incredible, babes, I’m so proud of you,” he whispered in your ear, his long fingers running up and down your sides lightly, almost tickling, but you reveled in it and his touch. You closed your eyes blissfully as you came down from your high, feeling the tears drying on your face, thankful makeup used waterproof eye makeup.
“Yeah, you too,” you said back for his ears only, as the Duffers and the rest of the crew approached you both. You let each other go, though his arm remained on the small of your back, as everyone began delivering their praise. The voices became so jumbled you could barely register who said what. So, you just smiled and nodded and gave your gratitude along with Joe, whose hand rubbed soothing circles against your waist.
Now, to face reality.
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Part 2 where Joe and reader discuss why she was so nervous coming Saturday 🥰 it was originally part of this fic, but it was getting way too damn long, so a split was needed lol. Stay tuned Joe girlies 😘
#joseph quinn x fem!reader#joseph quinn x actress!reader#joseph quinn x reader#joseph quinn imagine#joseph quinn fanfiction#joseph quinn fic#joseph quinn writing#joseph quinn#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x oc
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They take care of you when you're sick
Akaashi Keiji
Keiji's lips are soft on your forehead, you close your eyes, enjoying the contact, but you can't help but play with your fingers, still feeling a little bit nervous.
"You're still warm", your boyfriend's eyes are on you, you can feel them as you avoid looking at him, still playing with your hands.
"And I still want to go", you huff, an annoyed expression plastered on your face.
"It's very likely you'll have this fever tomorrow too, love", he says while sitting next to you on your shared bed. "You know it's irresponsible to go to work while you're sick, right?", his tone is gentle as usual.
"Yeah, I know", you still avoid looking at him, "I just don't want to stay at home alone, at least I could do something productive...".
"Rest is necessary sometimes", he gently cups your face, "and there's no need to look at me like that".
"I just hate when you're right", you sigh, finally meeting his green eyes.
"Oh", keiji raises an eyebrow, "But I'm always right".
For a second you're taken aback by the bold affirmation, you already knew he knows he's always right, but him admitting it just like that wasn't something you were used to.
"Ugh, shut up", you dramatically roll your eyes, then you just lay on your back, once again avoiding you're boyfriend's face.
"Plus, it looked like you enjoyed sleeping in this morning", he playfully lays like you, trying to meet your eyes.
"Keijiii", you whine, "you should take care of me instead of whatever this is, I'm sick", you jokingly give a light punch on his chest.
"I'm sorry love", you feel his arms around your hips, "What do you need? Can I make you some tea?".
"Mmh, can we just stay like this for a while?", you ask, nuzzling against his neck.
"As you wish".
Miya Osamu
You stick your head out, looking who's outside of your apartment door. With your surprise, you're greeted by a gentle smile and a pair of grey eyes.
"Hi, Osamu", you smile shyly, still hiding behind the door, "Uhm, what are you doing here? I'd invite you in, but I'm sick, so..."
"Hey", he smiles at you, "Yeah, my brother told me. That's why I'm here", he says while handing you a shopping bag full of food. "I also added some of my onigiri, I know you like them...and you haven't passed by my place in a while".
You take the bag as you feel your heart racing in your ears, "Thank you! You didn't have to", you gift him a smile, still feeling a little bit shy, things has been weird between the two of you lately. "And sorry, I've been kinda busy lately", you both know it's a lie.
"Maybe we can catch up another time? I don't want to give you a fever, you have a business to run", you clutch at the shopping bag, almost hugging it.
"Yeah", he says while scratching his neck, "Are you sure you don't want me to cook you something or help you with the apartment? 'Tsumu told me you've felt really weak".
You feel your old eye tic coming back. Smiling through pain, you take a mental note to tell atsumu to stop telling your stuff to your crush.
"I'm okay now. And I've got your onigiri", you say while putting the bag down, one hand ready to shut the door, "No need to worry, osamu, really".
"Okay", he pouts, "Will you call me if you need anything?"
Suna Rintarou
"I'm home", rin says while taking off his shoes, "and I've got your medicine". You can't help but shudder, hiding yourself under the blanket.
"Please", you cry out, "tell me you've got tablets".
"Sorry, babe", the volleyball player gives you a look full of pity, "at the pharmacy they only had the goo".
"Don't call it the goo! It sounds gross", you shriek, hiding yourself further under the blanket.
"It doesn't change the fact that it doesn't taste good, babe", he says with his usual blank expression.
"Ugh", you huff, "you're insufferable"
"That's not true", his swift hands take away your blanket, "C'mon, time to take the goo".
"I hate you"
"You love me", rin smiles smugly before giving you the bottle with the medicine and leaving the room. It doesn't take long before he comes back with a spoon and a glass of water.
"Time to wear your grown up boots and drink this", he says while pouring the syrup in the spoon. You roll your eyes, giving him an annoyed expression.
"Don't look at me like that, babe. I also bought you some cake, so you can wash away the taste of your medicine", he looks at you with a little bit of curiosity, searching for your reaction.
You silently admit defeat, taking the spoon he offers you. Rin tries to hide his laugh while watching your disgusted expression.
"Is it really that bad?", he asks while handing you the glass of water.
"Yep", you say after gulping the water, "now the cake...and, Rin", you take his hand, "thank you for buying me my medicine, I don't hate you".
"I know", he kisses your forehead.
#they take care of you#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x you#akaashi keiji#akaashi keiji x reader#akaashi keiji x you#hq fluff#haikyuu fluff#hq sfw#haikyuu sfw#mine#miya osamu#miya osamu x you#miya osamu x reader#hq#hq!!#suna rintarou#suna rintarou x you#suna rintarou x reader#self insert
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More than a 'funny tummy' (Sick JK)
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Sick: Jungkook
Caretakers: BTS, mainly Seokjin
Tw: mentions of nausea, vom*****, stomach pain, emeto, antibiotics
Word count: 3716
(Basically, Jungkook pukes a lot and his band members soothe him)
(FYI, I imagine Jungkook being more around 19 years old in this, back when he was a little less bulky and without tattoos lmao)
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It's like Jungkook's body is purposely working against him. He'd just begun to feel better after getting proscribed some antibiotics for a stubborn case of strep throat. It was a pain to say the least. Especially when your job is to sing and perform, you kinda want your throat to not feel like it's being stabbed.
But that's not the worst part of course. Jungkook had been taking the medication for a couple days now, nothing concerning so far, in fact he'd been feeling brighter, finally. But now, Jungkook is tackling aggressive cramps and pains that will not leave his stomach alone. He knows antibiotics can make your tummy a little funny sometimes but 'funny' would be an understatement to what Jungkook's feeling right now.
I mean he's quite literally in the fetal position on his bed. "Kookie~ I made you some tea—" Seokjin walks into the younger's bedroom, a cup of honey lemon tea in his hands before he sees the alarming sight in front of him. "Jungkook? Oh my god—are you hurt?!" Seokjin abandons the cup and rushes over to his maknae. The whine that escapes his lips makes Seokjin's worry skyrocket. It was only a couple of hours ago Jungkook was playing games on his computer.
"What's wrong, baby?" Seokjin croons, brushing fingers through the latter's hair. "I'm so sleepy..." Jungkook moans, trying to further curl in on himself. "Sleep then, darling." Seokjin uses his large hands to try sooth the younger who seems very visibly uncomfortable. "I-I can't.. my stomach really hurts, hyungie.." Jungkook sucks in his bottom lip, a cramp wreathing it's way through his middle—ouch that hurt. Jungkook thought medicine was supposed to make you feel better, not feel like this.
Seokjin frowns, concerned creases lining his forehead. Jungkook was just starting to feel better, too. "Aw Kookie.. It's probably your antibiotics that are making you feel this way. Do you feel sick? Sometimes the medicine doesn't go well with your tummy and it makes you feel a little uneasy." Seokjin tuts in sympathy. He's definitely their golden maknae, who can never do things by halves.
"Mmh—hyung...." Poor baby, Jungkook can't even get a full sentence out so he opts to nod vigorously. He feels so sick. Jungkook does not want to move, if he moves, his stomach hurts, if he doesn't move, there's a 90% chance he'll vomit all over the bed. Jungkook doesn't like either of options. God, he wishes he could time travel and go back to when he didn't feel like this. "Does it feel like you're going to throw up?" Seokjin prays it's not the case, but the head-strong maknae showing his pain so openly makes it seem like the inevitable is going to happen.
Jungkook wants to cry at the thought, but again he nods and wraps his arms even tighter around his stomach. "Aish—can somebody come help!-" Seokjin calls out hoping to grab the attention of one of his dongsaengs. Luckily, an innocent Taehyung was in the kitchen and speed walks over at the alarming tone of Seokjin's voice. "Hyung?! Oh god–what's wrong with Jungkookie?" Taehyung's eyes are wide with worry as he observes the scene in front of him.
"Taehyung-ah, can you please get Jungkook a bowl or bucket or something? He's feeling sick." Seokjin pets Jungkook's hair, seeing the way his lip quivers and toes curl in pain. Taehyung's heart drops for his only dongsaeng but he quickly rushes to fetch a large bowl from the kitchen. His socks slip on the wood flooring and he enters the youngest' bedroom to see his hyung ushering Jungkook to sit up. "It h-hurts, hyung.." Jungkook cries, palming his middle as he tries to hold back his puke.
Taehyung holds the bowl under Jungkook's chin, keeping his brown bangs out the way. "I know baby, I know you feel bad. Let it out. We're right here." Seokjin says then peppers a kiss to Jungkook's temple, taking Jungkook's hand from his stomach to hold it instead. He hangs his head over the bowl, swallowing down the burn in his throat. Jungkook feels his stomach sloshing and churning, no doubt throwing a fit.
"I'm sorry you feel so bad, Kookie.." Taehyung murmurs, rubbing along Jungkook's spine as the boy jolts forward with a smothered gag. It's not long till puke sprays between Jungkook's lips, he heaves with a painful retch and coughs when vomit catches his throat. Mouthfuls of Jungkook's lunch is sent to its new home inside the bowl and the action brings out tears. "Ow—hyungies, I-I don't like this.." Jungkook whimpers, dipping his head back in the bowl as he throws up again. His stomach clenches hard, clearly still irritated. "It's okay Kook-ah, you're doing so so well, baby." Seokjin encourages.
Taehyung's brows pull together as he rubs Jungkook's hunched back and sees the boy's shaky hand pressed to his middle, gripping Seokjin's hand tightly with the other. "Aigoo, our Jungkookie is feeling poorly but is staying so strong." Taehyung comments. Jungkook's throat aches from the effort and more sick comes out of him. A string of saliva hangs from his lip and the older two can see tears falling into the almost-full bowl.
Jungkook's inhales are shaky and he moans between each one, he's still got more in him and he's worried that the temporary bowl won't be enough. Seokjin must be thinking the same thing because he eyes the receptacle nervously. Jungkook could barely sit up, let alone move to the bathroom. Jungkook swallows and swallows, trying to ease his burning throat and stop vomiting. "Ah, Kookie, don't do that, love." Seokjin squeezes Jungkook's hand and uses his thumb to rub along the back of it.
Jungkook's attempts to stop only result in hiccups that make him jolt and bring up a sour taste. They give him heartburn and make his nausea spike. Taehyung finds the chirpy hiccups kind of cute but he wishes his best friend would feel better. Jungkook looses his battle and his body forces up more puke that splashes into the other liquid in the bowl. Some specks of it fly out with the force and Seokjin realises the trouble they're in.
"Tae could you grab something else? This bowl isn't gonna cut it for long." Seokjin asks and Taehyung hands the bowl over to Seokjin before he leaves to grab anything else they could put under Jungkook's chin. Seokjin rests the bowl on the bed sheets when Jungkook seems to get a break, taking in breaths through his nose and out his mouth. "Ugh—hyung m'gonna be sick again—" Jungkook clamps a hand to his mouth, he doesn't want to make a mess, he'd rather suffer.
Seokjin looks to the bowl, then to Jungkook. Yeah there's no way the bowl can fit more without making a bigger mess. So with quick thinking, Seokjin cups his hands near Jungkook's mouth and the younger's eyes widen. He is not about to throw up in his hyungs bare hands. Welp, turns out he is because next thing he knows, Jungkook spews up a watery wave Into. His. Bare. Hands. Seokjin doesn't seem bothered, or if he is he doesn't show it. "It's okay, bun. Let it out." Seokjin keeps his hands cupped as Jungkook coughs harshly, tears streaming down his cheeks.
Jungkook thanks the lord when Taehyung comes running back with a small bin, he hugs it and buries his face into it. God he's humiliated. Taehyung is very surprised himself when he sees that Seokjin literally caught Jungkook's puke. "Go wash your hands, hyung. I got him, don't worry." Taehyung takes Seokjin's spot, rubbing and patting Jungkook's back. Jungkook's breaths are shallow in the bin and Taehyung partly thinks that he's just trying to hide from them out of embarrassment. Poor baby.
True to the matter, the boy immerses from the bin and sniffles, using his sleeve in attempt to wipe the tears away. "I'm sorry, hyung—I'm such a-a mess.." Jungkook sobs, looking down shamefully. "Ay, Kookie. Don't be sorry, it's not your fault you're sick." Taehyung sweeps back Jungkook's hair and tilts his chin up with his finger. Looking into his big doe eyes, Taehyung presses a kiss to his forehead.
Seokjin's eyes get a little misty at the scene in front of him, neither boys have realised his presence but he walks over to them and doesn't miss Jungkook's fearful eyes as he looks at him. "H-hyung—I tried to h-hold it in. I'm really s-sorry—" Jungkook bursts into tears again and Seokjin almost does the same. The maknae was worried that Seokjin would be mad at him. "Nono, baby. I'm not mad, I promise. You don't need to apologise. Come here, love." Seokjin takes the boy into his arms after Taehyung moved the bin and bowl out the way.
"Are you still feeling sick, Jungkookie?" Seokjin asks as the younger buries himself further into the crook of his neck. Jungkook doesn't want to talk about his tummy right now, but replies nonetheless. "I think m'done but my belly still hurts, hyung." Jungkook says, hand to his stomach as if proving his point. "Okay, how about we move to the couch and watch a movie or something, hm? It might take your mind off it. I'm sure Taehyungie is up for some cuddles too." Seokjin smiles, eyeing the second youngest.
"Piggy back me there?" Jungkook looks up at Seokjin who purses his lips. "I'll get Namjoon-ah to do that, he's stronger than me." Seokjin grins, "let me take this and clean it out, then I'll send Namjoon over here." Seokjin adds, taking the puke bowl and leaving the bin, seeming Jungkook hasn't thrown up in it. Seokjin takes it to their laundry room and empties and washes it out in the big sink before washing his hands once more.
"Joon-ah?" Seokjin stands in the door frame of the leader's bedroom. The younger turns around in his swivel chair, taking his headphones off. "Yeah, hyung? Do you need help with something?" Namjoon asks, noticing the stressed crease between the oldest' eyebrows. "Yeah.. it's Jungkookie, I'm fairly sure it's to do with his antibiotics but his stomach flared up and— he was vomiting. Alot." The leader frowned worriedly, "Taehyungie and I were comforting him and whatnot, he's better now but he wants a piggy back to the couch, I thought you'd be up for the job if you don't mind." Seokjin continues.
"Oh—yeah of course, hyung. Are you sure he's alright?" Namjoon is already blaming himself for not being there, typical Namjoon. "Mhm, poor thing was apologising because he had to throw up in my hands. This kid will be the death of me, but God, he's adorable." Seokjin tuts and Namjoon's brows raise at the earlier statement but doesn't hesitate to agree, their youngest is so cute.
The two walked into Jungkook's room, the youngest huddled in Taehyung's lap. "Hey Kook, I was told somebody needed a lift to the couch." Namjoon grins down at the youngest, taking in his pale features and shaky hand cradling his middle. "Good thing I've been working out at the gym, huh Jungkook?" Namjoon shows dimples, trying not to quell on how bad Jungkook might be feeling.
The youngest is manoeuvred onto Namjoon's back and he imidiantly feels better in the leader's presence. Jungkook still feels his stomach cramping and the ride to the couch does make it worse and he can't bite back the groan that leaves his mouth. "You okay, bunny?" Namjoon says, trying to walk as steadily as possible. "Mhm.." Jungkook mumbles and not long after he is placed on the couch, blanket being handed to him and Taehyung already beside him.
Seokjin places the small bin within arms reach and leaves to fetch some water. Taehyung gathers the maknae into his arms and Namjoon turns on the tv to start playing iron man. "Joonie-hyung? Can you come here too?" Jungkook requests, and who is Namjoon to ignore that. "Of course, Kookie." Namjoon smiles fondly and joins in on the cuddles, pulling one of their throw blankets over them.
Seokjin comes back with a bottle of water, sitting down beside Taehyung. "Jungkookie, try drink this throughout the movie, I don't want you to get dehydrated." Seokjin offers the bottle and Namjoon helps Jungkook take a few small sips.
They put their focus on the movie, despite having already seen it at least 10 times. Taehyung is giving Jungkook some light tummy rubs and Namjoon plays with the youngest hair, Seokjin's peering over at them all evey now and then. It's around halfway through the movie, Jungkook drank 3/4 of the water and Jimin, Yoongi and Hoseok walk through the door.
The rap duo was at the recording studio and wanted Jimin's vocals for the song. "Iron Man again?! Agiooooo~ how's my Jungkookie doing? Throat feeling better?" Hoseok sing songs his way to the couch, unaware of Jungkook's newfound pains. Jimin is toeing his shoes off before joining the lead dancer in the living room. Yoongi is putting his bags away somewhere else.
Seokjin clicks his tongue, already knowing how sad they're gonna be when they find out about their maknae's tummy issues. Jungkook smiles slightly at Jimin and Hoseok, curling into Taehyung and hiding some of his face in the blanket. "Awe, bunny, you've gone all shy, huh? Want me to tell them or do you want to explain?" Taehyung asks, speaking in a quiet tone for the boy.
With the tv paused, the two dancers notice somethings a little off. Jimin spots the bin beside the couch and hopes it's not for the worst. Jungkook can only shake his head, gripping Namjoon's hand for comfort. Gosh this is so embarrassing.
"Kook-ah hasn't been feeling too hot the past couple hours... he's had a slight reaction to the antibiotics he was taking for his strep throat." Taehyung explains and now Yoongi's made his way over, confused about the commotion. "Jungkook's tummy is acting up and causing him to throw up and feel sick. His stomach cramps are also pretty bad too.." Taehyung continues.
The three of them all have mirrored looks of worry and their eyes a little wide. Their maknae had been so sick and they weren't there to care for him? Jimin's heart is crushed, he's always been a very empathetic person and can't help but walk over to cup Jungkook's cheeks. Jimin pressed a kiss into his hair and Yoongi eyed Seokjin who returned a sad look.
Hoseok gets chills at the thought of Jungkook being that sick, he was just recovering from a virus for fricks sake!! "Kookie..... I'm so sorry baby, it's not fair you feel like this." Hoseok coos as he makes grabby hands to the maknae. Hoseok happily holds Jungkook in a gentle hug, it's true he can smell the faintest traces of puke but that doesn't bother him.
"Have you drank some water, Kook?" Yoongi asks, ready to go raid his medicine stash for something to help their poor Jungkook. "Mhm, but I'm starting to feel sick again, so I can't drink anymore.." Jungkook replies, worried they'll be disappointed. Namjoon still has hold of Jungkook's hand and he cards fingers through Jungkook's hair with the other.
"That's okay Kook, do you still want to watch the movie?" Namjoon offers a small smile to the younger who peers up at all his hyungs. Jungkook nods his head and Seokjin unpauses the tv and the other members gather to watch the movie, Jimin sitting on the floor in front of Jungkook.
They resume the movie and Taehyung places a hand on Jungkook's middle, looking at him for permission. Jungkook nods multiple times—god he'd kill for someone to rub his tummy, with the way it's contracting and sending him flashes of pain. It's just not the same doing it himself.
Taehyung traces soothing circles with his long fingers and uses his palm to create warmth. Jungkook is distracted for a good amount of time, struggling to keep up with the movie even if it is his favourite. Seokjin can't help but worry more when he sees that Jungkook's face is still pale and tired looking.
"I'm worried, Yoongi-ah. He was throwing up so much and couldn't even move to the bathroom." Seokjin whispers to Yoongi sitting next to him. The rapper places a comforting hand on the eldest back. "Don't worry too much, it's probably just the antibiotics messing with him. They take a while to go through your system but he should be okay in a couple days." Yoongi whispers back, also glancing at the youngest.
Speaking of whom, Jungkook is fairly sure the action movie is adding to his nausea. All the chaotic scenes and flashing colours is prompting the sick feeling in his gut. Taehyung's hand seems to be stirring up the water he choked down and the cramps are back with vengeance. Namjoon notices the younger seems uncomfortable and his palm is sweating.
"..Hyung, stop please.." Jungkook places a hand on Taehyung's and he pauses his gentle ministrations. "What's wrong, Kookie?" Taehyung tilts his head to look the younger in the eyes. Seokjin and everyone else has caught onto the youngest' distress and paused the movie.
Jimin turns around to see a pale Jungkook with a hand to his stomach. Seokjin leaps off the couch towards the maknae. Jungkook's got his eyes screwed shut but opens them when he hears his eldest hyung. "Jungkook, baby, are you feeling sick again?" Seokjin cups his cheek. Jungkook nods sadly and points to the bin on the floor. Jimin passes it hastily, Namjoon helping hold it for Jungkook.
Jungkook feels all 6 pairs of eyes on him and it makes him tear up a little. He's worrying them. Jungkook has his chin over the bin and looks up at Seokjin. "I want to be with y-you, Jin-hyung.." Jungkook stammers, breathing through his nose as his stomach doesn't leave him alone.
Seokjin's eyes soften, Namjoon is already standing up, gathering the other members. "That's okay Kookie, feel better." Hoseok pets Jungkook's hair, "I'll call you guys if I need help, I promise." Seokjin imidiantly takes up a spot next to Jungkook, rubbing his back as Jungkook stares into the bin. Goosebumps prickle the younger's skin as a twist in his stomach leaves him moaning out in pain.
It makes Seokjin's heart break and he's sure the others would've heard. "How can I help, baby? Tell me." Seokjin holds Jungkook's hair back and gently rubs his back. "J-just stay, p-please." Jungkook gulps down a thick layer of saliva in his mouth. He feels so sick yet his body won't throw up. Seokjin uses an elastic band on his wrist to tie back Jungkook's hair that falls just above his eyes.
Seokjin can see Jungkook jolting forward only for nothing to happen and can hear the pained noises that follow. "P-pat my back?—I can't th-throw up.." Jungkook can feel the warmth in his upper stomach but it just doesn't want to let up. "Of course, just relax. I know how bad you must feel." Seokjin tuts, lightly patting Jungkook's back as requested.
Jungkook cups his middle and a cough turns into a wet gag and Jungkook spits out some saliva. One more gag after that and a horrible cramp, Jungkook pukes up some water. It's acidic tasting and burns, it goes on for 5 or 6 productive retches. Seokjin massages the nape of Jungkook's neck and continues caressing his spine.
The sounds of the youngest being sick is enough for Seokjin to get worried, Jungkook's knuckles are white against the bin as he grips onto it. Jungkook doesn't know if the nausea or stomach pain is worse, all he knows is that he wants to get swallowed up by the floor. He tries to focus on Seokjin's hand, now rubbing circles on his back, but his stomach gurgles angrily.
Jungkook sucks in a breath, waiting for the retch but then nothing happens and he deflates like a balloon. "Hyung...." Jungkook moans, body leaning into the eldest. "It's okay, it's okay. Rest now, Kookie." Seokjin strokes Jungkook's hair, moving the bin onto the floor and then taking Jungkook's hands into his. They're shaky and clammy, Seokjin hopes he's going to start feeling better.
"I'm sorry you're so sick, sweetheart. It's no fair." Seokjin coos, even Jungkook feels sorry for himself. Seokjin coddles the maknae until the slow tears eventually stop falling. "How about we go to bed and check on the others?" Seokjin suggests, looking down at the youngest who seems to have gained some colour in his cheeks.
Jungkook nods, still holding one of Seokjin's hands and grabbing a fistful of his shirt with the other. "Come on then, I'll help you." Seokjin stands up, taking Jungkook with him. Jungkook cries a little, stomach still sensitive about movement. "You okay?" Seokjin worries that Jungkook is going to throw up again but he reassures with a nod.
"Mm, just hurts a lil.." The two walk down the hall into Jungkook's room, to find all the members inside, either sitting on the floor or the bed, chatting quietly amongst themselves. Their eyes brighten upon seeing the youngest and hyung, "Kookiee~ are you feeling better, bunny?" Taehyung practically bounces over to him, already petting his hair.
"Yeah, I feel okay, V-hyung..." Jungkook puts on his best smile, given his condition and then Seokjin helps him into bed. Hoseok adjusts the pillows and Yoongi makes sure to tuck the boy in. Jimin and Namjoon have similar looks of concern but Jungkook sends them small smiles to ease them. "Thank you hyungs for taking care of me.." Jungkook mumbles, peering up at the 6 of them.
"Always, Kook-ah. Your hyungs are always here to help." Namjoon grins, and just like that the rest of the maknae line crawl into bed and sandwich Jungkook. He seems content about it so Yoongi lays off on a lecture. "We love you, bunny. Now get better, please. You're giving me wrinkles." Seokjin smiles, tapping the tip of Jungkook's nose.
#soft-for-yoongi writes#sick!jungkook#bts#caring!jimin#jungkook#caring!taehyung#caring!seokjin#caretaker!seokjin#sickfic#bts!sickfic#emeto fic#emeto#vomiting#bangtan#seokjin#jimin#taehyung#namjoon#yoongi#hoseok#nausea#jungkook is so cute#i love jin#emeto mention#sick#vomit mention
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Sometimes it's just... I dunno, odd trying to build up to being a functioning human again. And I have made a lot of progress, but sometimes it's odd what I still haven't got back, if that makes sense? Putting a read more because this got long and talks about suicidal ideation and all that.
Like, eight months ago, I was just blank. I could respond physically to stuff, but I was in so much emotional pain my mind was just not really there, I couldn't speak much and from what I've been told when I did speak it was very dull and unemotional. I couldn't force myself to do anything I did not have to do, and my body was also barely functioning because of all the breathing issues and weakness and the fact that I was somehow hoping I could starve myself to death without anyone noticing which yeah is stupid but I wasn't in the best state of mind, and anyway that resulted in me several times just sitting motionless for hours doing nothing. There were multiple times where I'd go days without eating, or forcing myself to eat but being unable to keep from crying because I knew eating was keeping me alive which I did not want, and I obviously wasn't keeping track but mom estimated that days when I would eat I'd have like 500 calories a day. And I either wanted to die or was thinking about how I could follow through on that desire in a way that would cause the least amount of trouble for people. (I remember one time, since I live on the second floor, I was weighing jumping out the window but decided that not only would that likely not flat out kill me but that we live right near this tiny playground our complex has and I was like okay I don't want to risk a kid coming across me and getting traumatized or anything. Also had a serious discussion with my sister about whether it would be better for her & the family if I died for my body to be found or not.) There were a lot of times when I got up to the edge of taking action, sometimes I would have tried if my body had more energy, and then when I finally did try but stopped myself in time, and... I dunno. Basically, for the longest time I was completely unable to do pretty much anything.
And now, like, I'm getting better at stuff. I can't be anywhere too crowded or without having a way to leave if things get to be too much, but I'm able to drive again, and more than just down the street. I'm able to interact with the world and other people, even though it's still kinda shaky and different. I consistently eat two meals a day, I still fall down multiple times a day but I'm able to go on a full walk around the block, but I'm just... I just find it kinda weird what my brain's doing, like I'm able to take some initiative to connect with other people but it's a lot... shallower on my end, for lack of a better term. I still care about people very much, but the ability to do something about that care is not very strong. Like, gifts, in past years I've put a lot of thought into not just the gift but also like how I'd wrap it and the type of tag and all that, but this year while I still got people gifts, I didn't have the mental energy to put in the thought I'd have liked to. Anyway, I have gotten this far and lack of sleep is catching up to me so, uh, bye.
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I Fell First 05 - JHS (M)
[MC's POV]
Summary: You have been with Him since the beginning. To you he was the only person that existed in the world, in your world. But to him, you are another pair of hands that clapped after each of his performances. Will it change when you secure a job in his dancing academy?
Pairing: Celebrity Choreographer!Hoseok X Reader, only a little bit of mention of Fuckboy!Seokjin X Reader (ft. Jungkook, the protective best friend)
Theme: Angst, pining, lowkey smut, Hoseok is repenting
Warnings: Strong language, mentions of cheating, alcohol consumption, jealous Hoseok, another heavy argument.
Word count: 5,074
a/n: We are approaching towards the ending .......
Series Masterlist
Previous chapter
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I exited the club with a ton of feelings in my heart and with a thousand of thoughts in my head. I tried my best not to break down on the road and keep myself collected until I reach home. But I couldn't. Pain and anguish burnt me alive. Watching Hoseok with Somi was fine now, I had grown accustomed to it. But whatever happened tonight was hard to digest. Hobi's apparent jealousy was confusing itself but him questioning my love for him was the thing that ate me up. He was the one out of everyone who knew how much I loved him and he out of everyone was the one to question that. It killed me. I was angry with him, but I was angry with myself even more. I was angry for giving him so much power over myself when he clearly had nothing for me in his heart. I had had enough and my determination to move on was now my aim. I had to move on, I had to eliminate the power he had over me. I knew I would still love him but no more of this one-sided pining. I had suffered all the pain on my part now it was time to look forward to a fresh start.
I broke down as soon as I reached my apartment. I crouched down on the floor, hugged my knees and cried as if there was no tomorrow. I couldn't think of anything other than his insulting words, him questioning my love for him. It was painful to the point that I thought I would faint.
My phone dinged signaling that I received a notification. It was an unknown number.
Unknown number: "I hope you have reached safely. Sorry, I couldn't give you a ride but I wanted to."
Unknown number: "I don't think you deserve the pain you have been suffering. You deserve to be happy to be loved. And I want to help you out by at least distracting yourself from the pain.
Unknown number: "And I am not saying all these because I wanna sleep with you. I'm not that much of a creep. I genuinely want to help you out and get to know you more in the process."
Unknown number: "Sorry, I heard your and hoba's conversation."
Unknown number: "oh and it's Jin. Before you ask, I asked Jihyun for your number. Have a good night. Don't cry too much. Sleep well, sweetheart."
Jin's words felt genuine, and I knew he was being genuine for real. I sent him a quick thank you and ended that night crying in my sheets.
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It was Sunday and I had nothing to do, so I showed up at Jungkook's place and cried my eyes out again to him. He knew how much hurt I must have been as I wasn't the type to cry easily.
However, to my surprise Jungkook agreed with Hobi and said, "Hoseok wasn't right for most of the part Y/N. He is definitely an asshole for questioning your love for him but he wasn't wrong about Jin's part. I mean I know you're all grown up and have your own life but still getting drunk and hooking up with a famous fuck boy isn't a rational way of revolting."
"First of all I was not drunk and Secondly I wasn't actually going to sleep with him Kook. I was just having some fun. I cleared it out to him that he couldn't take me to his bed. And you know me well. I wouldn't do anything like that. Plus Seokjin isn't a creep. He only sleeps with the girls who give him their full consent." I replied to him.
"I know Y/N but still it was risky. I'm kinda thankful to Hoseok for dragging you out." Jungkook said as a sigh left my mouth.
"But…" Jungkook mouthed again, "why do you think he was jealous? Especially of me? I mean I can still understand that Jin is his friend cum shareholder and he wouldn't approve his employees being fucked by him. But what about me? Why was he jealous of me?"
"Trust me I don't know. He confuses me so much." I replied.
"To be honest, I thought he got jealous that day. I mean he gave me his fakest smile possible. I ruled it out but now listening to you I feel like he has something blooming in his heart for you. Something he himself doesn't know yet. He clearly got upset after hearing that I gifted you the dress. And then the entire Jin thing happened and he lost his cool." Jungkook reasoned.
"Don't say just anything Kook. Anyway, not that it's my business. His girlfriend should take care of it. Set me up on some blind dates. I desperately wanna move on." I said. My phone dinged again and I took it up to see a message from Jin.
Jin: "If you don't have a plan today, should we meet?" I saw Jungkook peeking at my phone and then sending me a glare.
"What?" I asked him. "Why is he texting you? You didn't tell me you exchanged numbers?" Jungkook enquired, narrowing his eyes towards me.
"We didn't. He found my number out somehow. And there's nothing to be suspicious about. He wants to help me out with the moving on part Without sleeping with me." I emphasized the without.
"Oh really? Then are you meeting him today?" Jungkook placed one of his never ending questions.
"I think I will but I don't think you will let me." I replied, eyeing him.
"No no… it's your life Y/N you sure can meet whoever you want." He said with a smile.
"Really?" My eyes sparkled at his agreement.
'but…" Jungkook said with a smirk and I knew I celebrated way too early. "I'm gonna tag along with you." He said with the sliest grin possible.
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Me and Seokjin decided on having lunch together and he sent me the location of a restaurant. Jungkook didn't even let me ask Jin if he could come with me or not. I saw Jin waiting at the reserved table as I walked to him. He gave me a sweet smile and then his eyes fell behind me on my best friend.
"Hey, I didn't know someone else was joining." Jin said without dropping his smile.
"Ah… I'm sorry I didn't get to ask you earlier. This is my best friend Jungkook. He is a little protective of me so…." I was cut off by Jungkook, "So I don't allow her to meet strangers alone otherwise it's absolutely necessary." I eyed Jungkook and he just mouthed a little "what" to me.
"I can totally understand." Jin said, "can you guys wait for a bit? I'll just ask the waiter to shift us to a table of three."
Me and Jungkook waited while Seokjin made the needed arrangements and soon we three were shifted to a better table. At the end of ordering, Jin opened his mouth to talk, "First of all, I'm really Sorry Y/N. You and Hobi had a fight because of me. I really didn't know he would react that way."
"It's okay Jin" I said with a small smile, "it is not your fault, neither it was mine. I don't know what pushed Hoseok to behave that way. Not like I am his girlfriend or anything" I sighed.
Jungkook was silent listening to our conversation but soon he joined too. "He just couldn't bear seeing you with someone that wasn't him. He was even jealous of me when we have nothing other than friendship. And this guy did things to you in front of his eyes, and made him react that way." Jungkook said, eyeing Jin with disgust.
"You're taking his side again, Kook?" I asked Jungkook, narrowing my eyes to him.
"I'm not taking his side, Y/N. I'm just thankful to him for NOT letting you get into something you would have regretted later on." Jungkook breathed out with a sigh as he again eyed Seokjin with god knows what kind of rage.
Seokjin chuckled at Jungkook's reaction and said, "I know you're probably hating me right now but trust me Jungkook, I wouldn't force her into doing something that she didn't like. I might be a pervert but I am not a rapist. There were times when I drove my female friends to their houses without laying a finger on them. And that is exactly what I would have done if Hoseok wouldn't interfere that day." Jungkook just nodded, not being totally convinced.
Soon the conversation took twists and turns and landed on Hoseok. Surprisingly enough both of the male agreed on the fact that I should now focus more on myself than Hobi. As the time passed by, Jungkook and Jin started to get along too well. They started having conversations on football, games, future planning, blah blah blah and I sat there being clueless. By the end of our time together, I heard Jungkook referring to Jin as Hyung and I knew he liked Jin more than enough.
"It was nice meeting you again, Y/N. And you too, Jungkook." Jin said, patting Jungkook's shoulder.
"Same here Jin." I replied.
"I didn't think I would say this to you but I actually liked you hyung. Liked you much more than Hoseok to be honest." Jungkook said and the three of us laughed.
"We should meet again, it was really fun. And Jungkook, stop by my house someday. I need a partner to use my PS5 to its full potential." Jin proposed. Jungkook's eyes glittered at Jin's proposal. "Sure thing." He replied.
The day went well and obviously very unexpected. I didn't really think Jungkook and Jin would be getting along so well but it happened anyway. At the end of the day when Jungkook dropped me off at my place he said things I didn't imagine him saying after he sided with Hoseok against Jin.
"The biggest reason behind me liking Jin is because he is very honest. He honestly admitted whatever his intentions are with women. It takes a lot to be honest. If he really likes you he wouldn't give you mixed signals, something you have been receiving a lot from Hoseok. I am not saying Seokjin can be the one for you, rather I will still ask you to be cautious with him but he can be someone who is capable of distracting you from Hoseok. He can play the role quite well. You should first be distracted and then think of moving on. I'm with you too. We'll end your suffering together." He flashed his infamous bunny smile before driving away and I knew he was right. But, I also knew my heart had a one track mind and that would only beat for that one person no matter how hard I try. Moving on was never easy, not when he asked to kiss me the previous night. But still I could try to avoid him. I should just accept the fact that he would never see me more than a friend no matter whatever the way he behaved. He was probably just being righteous. His male ego was hurt seeing me with someone else, when he was the one I loved. It's a common psychological behavior and it didn't mean he had something in his heart for me. Even if something was there, it would be purely sexual and not emotional. I sighed to myself and marched my way towards my apartment entrance but just then the vibration of my phone halted my steps. I picked it up to see the devil calling me himself.
I cursed my luck, just when I decided to stop this one-sided pining, he had to call me. I picked it up and voiced a little "hello" before his low voice from the other side settled in my ears.
"Can you turn right?" He said
"Huh?" I replied being utterly confused and then turned right to see him standing under the light post at a distance.
"W-what are you doing here?" I asked, fumbling a bit.
"I wanted to talk to you about yesterday. I couldn't wait till tomorrow. Can you spare me a minute?" He asked as I looked at him and he looked at me. Our figures were clear to each other, voices rang in each of our ears but yet he felt so distant. More distant than when I only used to be a fan. Seeing your idol from up close really changes a lot of things. Isn't it?
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Hoseok never visited my apartment before, not that there was any need. However, due to official necessity my address was added to my portfolio. Probably that was how he got my address, that was what I concluded. I gestured to him to sit on the couch of the drawing room. He sat down while scanning my ever-so-simple home. I could see him getting distracted with the pictures that were framed and hung on the wall. The biggest picture was of me and Jungkook at my graduation ceremony and just beside it there was a picture of him. This picture was from when he secured a permanent job as an assistant choreographer. He looked at it, dazed. I tapped on his shoulder and passed a glass of water to him.
He looked at me with those brown orbs and parted his mouth, "Y-you have my photo too?"
I let out a dry chuckle, "is that a big deal when I literally have a tattoo of your name?"
He dropped his head and looked at his expensive sneakers, "I don't really deserve all these especially after the way I behaved last night." He sighed, his guilt was probably eating him up.
"I… I am really sorry Y/N. I know sorry won't mend anything but I just wanna let you know that I didn't mean whatever I said last night. I was an asshole and I don't even know what got me so worked up. I didn't mean to be rude with you. If you don't forgive me I completely understand." He apologized followed by another long sigh.
Tears welled up in my eyes. His small voice, down face and evident guilt in his features were enough to send a pain to my core but what hurt me more was his confession. How nonchalantly he said that he didn't know why he behaved that way. I was ashamed of myself for thinking he would say that he was jealous seeing me with Jin. Somewhere there was a hope which indicated a probability of me being something more than his friend cum fan cum employee to him, but I was wrong for another time.
Blinking my tears away I said, "Yeah, you should be sorry for questioning my love and calling me desperate." I sighed and sat down on a chair near my kitchen island, "I accept your apology but I hope this never happens again." I looked directly in his eyes while he mirrored my action. For a while none of us said anything. We were too lost in each other's eyes until I tore the gaze and looked away.
"I was worried about you last night Y/N. I'm not excusing my behavior but I just wanted to protect you." Hobi said in a low voice, still not looking away from me.
"I am an adult Hobi, I can take care of myself. And Seokjin is not some wolf that you would have to protect me from." I replied.
"You were drunk."
"No, I wasn't drunk. I was a bit tipsy but I was quite in my senses. Whatever happened between me and Jin, had my full consent."
"Y/N, you know his reputation well!"
"Yeah I do but his reputation doesn't establish him as a rapist or a creep. Whatever it is Hoseok I neither have the will nor the energy to argue right now." I huffed, I was quite irritated at this point. Hoseok kept his intense gaze on me.
"Saw Jungkook dropping you off… He gave you good company I guess."
My eyebrow furrowed at his comment. I didn't even want to think about the things he was referring to.
"Yeah, we three had fun."
"Three? Has your girl best friend returned from the US?"
"No. By three I meant me, kook and Jin"
"WHO?" He abruptly stood from the couch with blown out pupils.
"Seokjin. Why?" I asked calmly.
"You were hanging out with him today after what happened yesterday?" He walked over to the place I was seated in. I stood up as well.
"And you're again slipping into your yesterday's character, Hoseok. Stop it already." I couldn't contain my frustration anymore and glared at him.
"God! Y/N! Why don't you understand? He is not good for you!"
"I am not marrying him! We are just having a decent friendship. Stop fucking overreacting" I yelled at him, I failed to keep my anger on check.
"I am saying this because I know him better than you Y/N. His friendship will end with you being naked in his bed, fucked out of your senses." Hoseok gritted out.
"Even if I end up in his bed, it's not a red flag to me." I glared back at him as I stepped forward unconsciously to give him a tough competition.
"Oh really? Then what's a red flag to you?" He got even closer.
"Red flag is what I share with you, Jung Hoseok!" I knew exactly what I was saying.
"W-what?" A shocked expression took over his handsome features.
"Yes. You heard it right. What we share is a massive red flag. You clearly know how much I love you and yet you give me mixed signals all the damn time. At a moment you are staring directly at my soul and on the next one you are locking your lips with your girlfriend. You question my love clearly knowing I love you like a lunatic. You act jealous seeing me with another guy that's not you. You even have the audacity of asking for a kiss. You do all these while having a girlfriend and then randomly show up at my place and say that you don't know why you acted like an asshole. This is what is called a red flag Hoseok!" I spat out. I had had enough and I needed to let all these out to ease the burning pain that paralyzed my heart. Hoseok apparently softened, "Y-Y/N listen to me…"
"No, I don't wanna listen to you anymore. What I wanna do is to just stay away from you. It would help me in subsiding my feelings for you and you won't have to ignore the constant buzzing of your phone as well." I shut my eyes as his phone vibrated for another time since he stepped into my house. He ignored it again.
His jaw was clenched, eyes were dark. His eyes were watery and I didn't expect to see him like this.
"Okay, if you want to stay away from me. I will not disturb you again." With that he stepped away from me, looked into my eyes for a little while and exited my house brushing past me. His words broke me inside. For the first time, I regretted applying for the job. For the first time, I regretted falling for him, getting him as a friend and now nothing was left. We would probably be two people who used to know each other and just the thought of it squeezed my heart as if to suck the last drop of blood from it. I broke down in tears for a thousand times in these three months and the reason was him, again.
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When I secured this job I was just happy with the thought of seeing Hoseok and being able to work for him. Talking to him once or twice was a daydream that time. What I never expected was the reality of ignoring him willingly to save my heart from breaking. Since that night and that argument, none of us tried to talk to each other, not even for important issues. I was either addressed in a very cold professional manner or if there was any message, it would be conveyed to me. Working became a mere responsibility and earning a living again, but this time with added pain of seeing the love of my life in front of me but not being able to reach him. However, there were always lingering gazes, secret glances and an awkward tension whenever both of us were in the same room. The more the festival approached, the more the meetings increased and the harder it became to face him. My frustration and stress knew no bounds.
On the other hand, Seokjin became a close friend. His texts never seemed to cease. His and Jungkook's friendship, more like brotherhood and constant banter, became the only source of laughter and liveliness in my life. Another month passed just like that. And there was only a month left for the festival.
It was one of those Saturday evenings when I was deciding whether to go out alone or to remain at home. Me, Jungkook and Jin had a movie marathon the previous night, so Jungkook was too tired and Jin had a date, I had nothing to do. Just then I received a text from an unknown number..
Unknown number: is this Y/N?
Me: Yes
Unknown number: This is Somi, can I call you if you are not busy?
I halted for a moment, why was Somi texting me? I had never talked to her in more than one or two sentence exchanges, so her texting me and asking to call me up was beyond weird. Could this be about Hoseok? But then again, it had been a month since I last interacted with him.
Me: sure.
She called and greeted me with a little hello, I replied with the same.
Somi: "Y/N, I hope I'm not disturbing you. I actually had something to talk about."
Me: "it's alright Somi. Tell me what it is?"
Somi: "umm… can we meet? It's better to be talked about face to face actually.."
Her voice sounded somewhat sad.
Me: "I'm actually free tonight… do you probably wanna meet at a cafe or something?"
Somi: "Yeah, fine by me. You can text me the place and time. I'll be there."
Y/N: "sure."
I texted her the location of my favorite cafe as we decided to meet an hour later.
It was quite awkward, since none of us talked to each other personally. And it made me curious what she had to say that she had to meet me outside the academy. I saw her playing with the rim of her cup, she was either too tense or too nervous.
"What is it, Somi?" I asked
"Umm Y/N… it is actually about Hoseok." She replied, finally meeting my eyes.
"O-oh.. okay.. what about him?" I asked again
"Did you guys have a fight?" She asked with a calm tone.
"Ah.. ummm… n-no… why?" It was one of those few moments in which I got nervous.
"You don't have to lie Y/N. Everyone in the academy knows something is off between you two at this point." She chuckled a bit.
"Can you tell me what's the matter?" I asked again, wanting to shift the topic.
"You two should talk. You are probably thinking why am I even intervening between you two. Actually, I'm being a bit selfish. Since you two stopped talking, he lost himself. He is not his usual self. He.. he is not the hobi we used to know. You know the festival is nearing and it's important for him to focus. He is so stressed and frustrated these days that he doesn't even enjoy dancing like he used to. He overworks himself. Doesn't even sleep well. He… he is just…. I hope you understand." She completed.
"Why do you think it has anything to do with me, Somi? I am just a speck of dust in his universe. I don't think I matter enough to make him lose himself." I replied looking at my hot chocolate, "he didn't even know that I existed 3 months ago. I'm not that impactful" a dry chuckle left my mouth.
I felt her putting her hand on the top of mine with an assuring smile. Her gaze somehow felt too complicated, "he is a stupid Y/N. He is very inexperienced in the love and relationship area. He doesn't know the difference between having a mere crush and falling in love. He doesn't know it doesn't even take a day for people to fall in love and he had whole three months."
"What are you trying to say, Somi?" I questioned her, understanding her words very well. I didn't want another unnecessary drama to come my way. I was trying my best to move on, even though the success rate was 0.00%, I was still trying and that's what was important. I couldn't let the man or his girlfriend ruin the peace of my life more than they already did.
"You know what exactly I am talking about. You know him better than me Y/N." Somi smiled at me again. "Please talk to him. Even if not for yourself or for him, for the festival please. You know it's important. Please?" She pleaded, she even had the audacity of sending me her puppy eyes. Me being me, couldn't turn her down. I assured her I would talk to Hobi on Monday.
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Rest of Saturday and Sunday passed at the speed of light. I became more and more nervous with each passing hour. I was the one to shove him out of my way now I was going to be the one to talk to him, it was quite nerve wrecking itself. Moreover, whatever Somi indicated had me expecting things from him all over again and I was afraid to be disappointed again. I promised Somi that I would stay after work and take the chance to talk to Hoseok. At the end of my working hour Somi texted me that he was in the big practice room.
My heart thumped in my chest as I stood at the entrance of the practice room. I saw him stretching out, being ready for practicing his choreography. The music was loud so I knew there would be no use calling him even if I tore my lungs in the process. I took my smallest steps towards him, his back was facing me but soon saw me clearly in the mirror.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, turning towards me. His voice was so stern, so cold that it made my heart drop. I instantly regretted agreeing to Somi.
"I… Somi wanted me to talk to you." I replied, all of my confidence was gone at this point. The way he stood just before me, placing his hands on his hips looking scary, had me on my knees.
"About what?" Another stren question.
"I don't know clearly. She just said you are not being yourself since we had a fight and asked me to talk to you since it's important for the festival." I let out almost in one breath.
"So you came to talk to me only because Somi asked and it included the festival. Isn't it? There is no other reason. No concern for me. No concern for what we have?" He said, his tone was mocking.
"What do we have, Hoseok? We have nothing." I said with my watery eyes staring directly at his dark ones.
"Oh yeah. We have nothing. It's Seokjin who has things with you. Am I right?"
"Why are you bringing him again? What is the problem?" I almost yelled.
"The problem is that I fucking hate seeing you with him! I fucking hate it when you spend time with him! I fucking hate it when you keep on replying to his texts with every interval you get from work. I hate the conception of him with you. Why don't you understand?" He screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Why so? You have a girlfriend, Hoseok. It's not fair to So…."
"We broke up." He replied cutting me off.
"What? Why? When?" I threw my rapid fires.
"Is that important?" He enquired.
"No.. I mean.. It is your personal matter. I don't wanna know but I hope I am not the reason."
"Then, sorry to disappoint you. You're the reason."
I sighed at his comment. I closed my eyes in frustration.
"Whatever it is, I hope it will be fine. Please try not to overwork yourself and sleep at night. I will take my….." and even before I knew my position was swapped with his and now I was pressed against the cold mirror. My hands were pinned on either side of me. Hoseok looked at me with his dark eyes. He was so pissed off that his expression sent shivers down my spine.
"You're not going anywhere until I am dropping you home myself." He breathed out.
"Hobi.. Wha…" and the next thing I knew was that his lips were pressed in mine. I couldn't process anything. He was sucking my lips as if he was hungry for those. He nibbled my lower lip due to my unresponsiveness but I still didn't kiss him back and that made him suck on my lips even harder. He pressed his body on mine and then pulled back after leaving my lips with a pop.
"Kiss me back Y/N, please." His voice was small, cracked and a drop of tear left his eye. I never imagined he would ever beg me for a kiss, never thought he would be desperate for me. The look he had on his face, the pain that was there in his eyes, broke all of the self-control that I practiced. I dived into the kiss. His lips were so soft and smooth, it felt as if I had never kissed a pair of lips before. It was the taste I always wanted in my conscious subconscious and even in my unconscious.
Next chapter
Taglist:-
@phenomenalgirl9 @scentedsope @teeheelittlebitch @betysotelo18 @jnghs @hobiewaifu @addictedtohobi @dreamsarenicee @definetlythinkimanalien @dreamer95 @cxbts @purplescript
#hoseok angst#jhope angst#bts angst#bts fanfiction#hoseok x reader#jhope x reader#bts x reader#hoseok smut#jhope smut#bts fanfic#bts x oc#bts jin#bts jungkook#jhope x you#jhope fanfic#hoseok x you#hoseok fluff#hoseok#bts jhope
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I finally got around to play Cosmo Canyon! Took me a while to get there bc family stuff and i was feeling a bit under the weather some days, but today I'll finish the protorelic quest and then do the side quests and that was it for Cosmo Canyon...
Thoughts on story: RED (or should I say Nanaki?) IS SO CUTE LEGIT A TEENAGE BOY TRYING TO PASS AS AN ADULT MAN the way I was hollering. The city is beautiful and very huge... Felt very overwhelmed when I first got there. Generally loved the focus on Red, had lots of questions about him originally. Now I wonder how old his kind can get if he's like 15 in human years but actually 48... huh. The story with his parents is pretty basic i guess? Didn't really blow me away, i could see the turning point coming from a mile away but it was very sweet nonetheless. Really enjoyed the gameplay during the trial, the Gi enemies WERE SO COOL. Also loved that we could scale walls with Red, I wish we could do that in the open world... The final boss almost kicked my ass because I'm not used to playing Barrett and Red actively, BUT THEY SLAYED. Shoutout to Titan, homeboy always comes through for me. Also couldn't help but be reminded of Genshin's Misty Dungeon event during the trial. And the mines of Moria. My weird interests meet in the most unusual of circumstances sometimes. My brain does that occasionally.
Also, the Gi Nantaak first scared the shit out of me. Then he kinda reminded me of Vision (you know, from Marvel) but that also wore off. The random sequence with Zack almost made me cry again. Whenever I see him on screen something just urges me to. Him and Biggs also looked so damn good during that entire scene I took so many screenshots 😭 I'm still so confused tho... Biggs ended up in Zack's timeline because of the Whispers/ the Wind for whatever reason? Really have no clue where they're going to take this part of the story, I just know it's going to hurt me so bad in the end.
I also let out an audible ' Hear me out' when they showed Seto... I'm not sorry.
On the exploration side of things... The flying chocobos are so confusing to me, I started the chocobo quest right as I landed in Cosmo Canyon and I immediately failed the first part because the controls as you fly are just??? Therefore everything that was placed so that you could only reach it through flying was a bit of a pain at first. I figured it out eventually, but i still haven't continued that quest... Also saw a bunch of people complain about this so at least I'm not the only one struggling lol.
Everything Else was very enjoyable tho. Go to explore team was Cloud, Aerith and Cait Sith this time and I gotta say Cait's Moogle Magic skill is busted I was so surprised when a full ass Ifrit suddenly stood on the field 😭 Bahamut Arisen was a surprisingly quick clear after I got all the Intel, Tifa just died in like the last minute. A worthy sacrifice tho. Immediately tried Bahamut while beating the Jabberwock, huge Dragon Battle was crazy insane to watch. He's busted. Put him on Cait for now.
I haven't finished the protorelic quest yet, but I didn't expect it to have this much lore right from the get go... So you're telling me Wedge is dead in Cloud's timeline???? Just like that?? The whispers killed him? MY BOY. Also Yuffie's friends (?) - the NPC's for that quest - immediately reminded me of Bella's High School friends in Twilight 😭💀 They just look like they belong in these movies idk
Now I wonder if the last two parts of the protorelic quest are gonna be as much a pain in the ass as Fort Condor was... I managed to clear the first two stages quite quickly so I hope it's gonna be okay with the AI helping me for the configuration part...
So that's that! Will definitely finish Cosmo Canyon tonight and then maybe start Chapter 11... Just a few more steps until meeting Vincent. Heard Chapter 11 was quite long so it'll probably take me the whole weekend to finish next to work and all. My goal of finising this game before easter is probably gonna be left unfulfilled... But I'd rather take my time.
Will add screenshots to this post after I get home from work!
#may's gaming#ff7 rebirth#ff7#final fantasy vii rebirth#final fantasy vii#ffvii rebirth#cait sith#red xiii#ff7 red#ffvii red#cosmo canyon#biggs#biggs ff7#zack fair#zack ff7#zack ffvii#barret wallace#nanaki#rebirth spoilers#watcher of the vale
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i'm a fellow spn survivor and a/b/o is my guilty pleasure really. A thought I've head in my head for weeks and weeks is this:
Humans don't have a/b/o, the endless, on the other hand, do. Dream is an alpha. He doesn't go into rut unless he's really attracted to someone, though. He's VERY attracted to Hob. They're not together yet, and Dream is so desperately trying to make himself un-fall in love with Hob because he knows exactly what's going to happen.
Needless to say, Dream can do nothing except fall more and more for Hob. And so, one day Big!Dream pops up into Hob's flat, after holding himself back for as long as possible, flushed all the way to his ears and neck, tearing up a little, eyes half-lidded, pupils blown, hair plastered to his face with sweat. Hob has never seen anything more erotic in his life, but he's about to ask if Dream is sick or something beause he looks feverish, until Hob's eyes flick down and. Dream's hard and his cock is massive, he's wearing his light robes because he can't wear any other clothes with that erection, and he's tenting them very obviously and drenching them with precome.
Hob wants nothing more than to get on his knees and lick him clean, but of course he's worried about his friend and eventually Dream manages to explain shamefully a bit of how his biology works, that he's like this because he's in love with Hob and he's so sorry but he physically can't stay away from Hob right now, he's really very sorry he won't touch Hob or anything but he needs to be around his scent at least.
Hob of course is quick to reassure him he also loves Dream and wants him. Dream kinda jumps him after and he comes with Hob's hands, his mouth, between his tighs, he just doesn't expect Hob to want him inside him especially after he manages to explain the knotting thing to him but Hob just. Literally begs Dream to fuck him. And yeah it's difficult, Dream has to be so careful preparing him (and they have to take breaks because Dream keeps needing to come over and over) but eventually Dream can put his cock inside Hob and it's. glorious. Hob has never felt so full, and when Dream comes (way too soon bc Hob is so tight and he loves him and it's just too much) he begs Dream for his knot even if he doesn't know what he's in for exactly, just because Dream needs it, and Dream tries to warn him, tries to force himself to pull out but. he's inside his beloved, filling him with rivers of cum and crying with how good it feels and Hob is begging for his knot and yeah, Dream's body decides for him.
And it's Hob's turn to shout and thrash and cry because Dream's knot swells so huge against his prostate, presses so hard it hurts but it's a good kind of pain, and Dream stays in him for hours coming and coming and coming with his knot pulsing against Hob's prostate and Hob is so overstimulated but it's sooo good.
It's just really appealing to me that a human with not much knowledge of a/b/o is so down to try it, kinda like in teen wolf fics.
Of course I have many breeding kink thoughts related to this but it's been a few bad pain days so that's it from me for now.
-PA
PA anon you are an absolute treasure. Big Dream who is also an alpha.... umm yes PLEASE. Also!!! Hob wanting to please Dream and give him relief!!! Even when he doesn't even really know what's going on!!! That is just too good. If Hob finds out that he's actually super into it and he's absolutely going to need this knotting thing to be a regular occurance please, even better! I love the mental image of Hob’s poor human body attempting to take something so overworldly and fucking loving every single second of it <3
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Ditri how are u ????
okay i was answering this the other day but then my computer shit itself and force reset and i lost my response so let me now give you a full rundown of the amount of bullshit i've been dealing with
or tl;dr i'm doing kinda bad rn but u know. i'll get through it.
so in order of least to worst
i need to find my dog a new vet which means my next weekday off i have to call multiple places and inquire about what they charge for certain testing and meds which is going to be a fucking pain. plus expensive. also his dumbass decided this morning to dive into a pile of birdshit on the sidewalk so i had to go out after work and buy him a new collar. ough.
i need a root canal real bad but the place my dentist originally referred me to DOESN'T take my insurance. i called other places and was either rejected or left on read. my own primary dentist i called a whole ass week ago and they also left me on read. the problem is i need an endodontist specifically bc the tooth already has a crown on it from a cavity i had filled previously. i can feel it more and more and i'm lowkey freaking the fuck out. i hate teeth. i hate them so much. i wish i could just pluck it out and replace it with smth cooler.
i have multiple coworkers making me and collectively everyone else at my job completely fucking insane. bc they're completely fucking insane. i am in actual hell daily and i am praying the one at least quits soon. not going into detail on here bc sliiiiight paranoia but. please god just know it's bad. like really bad.
ummmm my mother still doesn't know (?) i'm on hrt. i have no idea how bc my voice is like. deep. noticeably. also i don't know if i'll actually be prepared for the expected nuclear reaction of my family. which i mean fuck them but also good lord the trauma of it all.
oh yeah and the general transphobia raging in this nightmare country. which i try daily to ignore. especially living in ohio.
but in better news i'm finally receiving help??? i have a psychiatrist appointment soon and in a month or so i'll be contacted about a therapist. finally going to get diagnosed with shit and also validation on my abuse and all that. i think i also kinda...got an ocd diagnosis during my assessment. which is already a lot. like emotionally. since i've had symptoms since i was around 10 or so. i think finally having professionals tell me my pain is real and being able to name it is going to end up making me cry lol. i've just been through so much and treated so god damn badly you know.
but aside from all that things are okay. i actually like coming home now. i rearranged the living room a bit last night and made it more cozy.
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What were you waiting? A sign or something else? I guess I was a bit slow, but that's just how I am.
I always knew you cherished our moments. I just wanted your confirmation. It's a conversation between us, and we are damn awful liars lol. It's fair I guess, i was scraping for hope at anything I could get. But oh well, it didn't work out, so past is just the past.
With this mask of nihilism off I'll tell you what I think: happiness without you is not complete, but I'm trying, and that's my thing. I'll never be perfect and that's just how it is, but I'll work on doing something cause that's all I can achieve. You can count on me with all of your endeavors, it'll be hard for me not to fall in love again, but hey, that's a risk I'm willing to take. It doesn't pain me anymore, after all the world has changed. This is a bit too confusing isn't it? So let's go to the next.
(ive always been a sucker for the cheesy stuff lol)
It's a thing we have in common lol, the difference it's just the act. I wanted to see you really badly, but it hurt so bad to see your smile and know it's not mine anymore that i just couldn't afford it. Now and then I still heard your name (Brasília is a really small place) those moments I stopped and listened, finding out you were happy gave me a sense of peace. (Told you I'm a sucker for the cheesy stuff lol) .
My moon, on that we are equal. Life can change but I'll always love you. Through cloudy skies above or the sun shining over you. You're not the star, youre my moon. Elegant, beautiful, perfect in your own way. Being apart it's a pain, but it's one I'm comfortable with. One which I will learn to deal with. And I'm fine, really. So stop worrying and drink some water lol, don't make me another task on your life.
I can't ingore my moon, not for long anyways. At least once a month she's full above the sky peeking through my window. You can be needy, after all the love is yours. You just have to ask for it.
How you've been doing?
- I'm fine. Working on myself. Looking for work, studying what I wanted, going through life. And you? How've you been? Has life been treating you right?
What happened to you all this time?
- a lot. Life is a bitch and she is a really naggy one lol. But yeah, family got smaller, my grandpa and great grandma have passed, so we're dealing with it. Of course I passed uni, but thinking on where should I really do it. A lot happened, and a lot is happening. But hey, I'm still alive right? Lol
How's the rpg? (Real important, I miss it)
- it's going well. We paused that campaign but before it we made some adjustments to the whole story and shit. Ennon hung up the sword and is now dating that bartender he flirted a while back. They have a daughter, so that's that. We're going to continue it after a couple months, "another story" per say. I'm the only one with a new character lol.
How's your uni?
It's hard lol. For me that is. It's complex and my teachers are not that good. But it doesn't help I'm going through meds and life itself. But it's good besides that. It's more than what I dreamed of. Which is a good thing lol.
I noticed you really like ocean animals and such, do you consider going to USP? You could try, idk if it's a thing for you tho
- Ive bern looking for stuff, but I'll probably go out of the country to study. If not a degree than my specialization on marine animals. (Cetaceans that is lol)
Are you happy? No need to lie
- not yet. Been working on it. But... Oh well... You're a psychologist, you'll analyse me and see if I'm happy or not lol.
Would you like to go on a date? Lol I really want to give you your stuff tho, it's been here for like, 3 years now
- i would be delighted to go on a date lol, just set the date.
"As always, it's kinda of a mess"
Don't know if I responded, don't know what's going through your mind, but I'm always open. A shoulder to cry on, a person to tell a joke to, someone to share memes, anything really. It's all open to you.
Not a poem, just a couple thoughts
Sorry, i just woke up from a nice dream and wanted to write this lol
But hey, i guess I got the message across.
Responding in a poem seems a bit bad, so here's my proper response.
- From yours one and only, Milan.
(ps: i never had a tag lol, it's just me being childish as ever)
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The young and stupid comment. Can we at least all agree about that? Your first heart break. What happened? Tell me your story.
My "high school" bf and I dated for a few months and then it kinda just fizzled out. I def think it was mostly my fault and I should have tried harder, but no use crying about it now so anyway. 🤷🏼♀️
We broke up amicably and did the whole "let's be friends" speech (which we kinda had to since we were in the same classes! 🙈), and at the time when we broke up I felt okay about it (a bit sad obvs but nothing major), but then a few hours later I had full-on panic attack.
I was driving a car and suddenly I felt like I couldn't breath and like the whole world was caving on me... 😫😖
It was really scary and obvs linked to the break-up, and subsequently later on in life I have noticed that this is a very common reaction for me when smthg major happens.
I'm okay at first, but then after a few hours I collapse and have a painful physical reaction. I guess it's a classic shock thing and it just takes a while for me to absorb what has happened. I think it's good I have figured this out tho so hopefully when bad/traumatic things happen, I can understand and even anticipate my own reactions. 🤷🏼♀️
What about you?
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[venting into the void]
screammm. It's been two weeks and I still don't really feel like I've properly accepted this master's program I'm doing. Sure, I'm attending classes and stuff but I keep catching myself feeling it's all a bit unreal, and not in a good way. In a 'hmm this was a fun experiment, I'm ready to go home now' kinda way. Sort of? I really don't know how to describe it. But I just. Don't know if this is it. And that is Not Fun because getting here was a pain. Choosing to walk away from engineering, or my dad made sure to impress upon me, "wasting my seat at one of the country's best universities that could've gone to someone who would've at least done justice to the seat and been more deserving of the heavily subsidised education you received" was not a decision I made easily. I really wish I made it knowing WHAT I wanted to do instead, and not this nebulous idea of "something in the arts". I know it was a decision I made at the time since it felt the only way I could stay sane, but aaaaaaaah I really wish I had had something more concrete to base it on.
I can just walk away from this degree, but I really wish I wasn't even contemplating it. I won't drop out, because I'm a coward, but sweet fuck how I wish I didn't even want to. I don't even know what I'd go towards anyway, so might as well do this I suppose. Aaaaaah how I hope I feel more excited about this course soon.
I hate it here. Hate /everything/ about this stupid place. Delhi can go die. I mean the sheer number of museums and historic buildings is very nice, I'll give it that, but that's about the only thing that's even passably nice about this stupid place. fuck, within a week it managed to make me feel comforted by hearing sodding Tamil just because it was a language other than fucking Hindi for once (nothing against Tamil, the cussing is because it really makes no sodding sense to be comforted by a language even more alien to me than Hindi. I know Hindi but don't know a lick of Tamil and yet I was ready to CRY when I heard full sounds and not the aborted consonants (in Hindi you'd say Shiv as opposed to Shiva, etc.))
I don't get it though. I never felt homesick during my undergrad, despite that being a much longer stint outside of home and when I was much younger. Heck, I never even imagined I'd miss Telugu in the first place, given how fucked up my relationship with my own language/culture is. And YET. Took less than a week over here to get me, someone who's already used to living away from home in a land with very different languages and culture, to want to cry because I just wanted to freely be able to say the Telugu equivalent of "my foot" when something annoying happened. It's messing with my brain because I still don't feel comfortable with Telugu and yet I crave it and I don't know what to make of that. I suppose it's nice that since literally nobody around me knows shit about South India (no really, they know NOTHING, can't even tell whole-ass states apart) I can be more telugu-y than I usually feel comfortable being because there's no one around to make me realise how bad at being telugu I am? Like I can gush about pickles without fear because no one will know what basic knowledge about them I lack. I can actually explore how I like presenting myself when there's no one around to test how Well I am doing at being Telugu. And I guess that's sorta nice? I find myself writing in Telugu far more now when I'm writing random stuff to stay awake in class, because no one can judge my shitty handwriting or realise that I don't know how to write some pretty basic stuff in Telugu. Turns out I like some things about being Telugu after all and I feel both joyful and abject despair at this discovery. But whatever, that's something I can work out in time, as I learn to be more forgiving of my past self.
But for now I don't know if I want to continue this course. And it's the first time I /chose/ something entirely on my own and had to really pigheadedly push to get here. So it's terrifying to regret my choice now. Where would I go? And who do I have to blame except my own useless indecisive self. But I don't know how I feel about this place. Hate the city, am not reassured by the university, and the course content isn't exactly blowing my mind or even making me sigh in relief at how different it is from engg. On the contrary, I'm wondering if I should've just stuck to my plan of doing concrete tech - at least that I actively enjoyed to a significant extent.
I may have made a pretty big fucking mistake, aaaaaah. I desperately hope I feel differently soon.
also delhi sucks so much.
#placeholder tag#rhys if you're seeing this mayhaps look away because I am Not Ready to have this conversation and make it more real yet#also it's long and you'll anyway get a more dramatic version when I finally get around to acknowledging these thoughts properly#and need to sound off with you#but for now i'm still hoping it's just teething troubles with my new degree
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so, like, its in my name. It is kinda easy to make me cry, especially with good music. I cant even listen to Nighglow with straight face, and I havent played HI3 yet.
And being such a sobby disappointment, I prefer to treasure the pain some art brings me. And Epic The Troy saga is 90% pain.
It is based on Odyssey, and I needed something to listen while studying ancient Greece literature. Was it a good choise as background music - god no, but it is a great work.
The Troy saga consists of 5 songs, with most famous one being "Warrior of the mind", say hello and thank you to geshin fandom (thats how i found these as well). Interestingly enough, this song does stand out in this album (at least for me) being the least emotional. But it is called warrior of the mind, and the action takes place in the long gone past, not connected to the main drama.
Main drama being ODYSSEUS KILLING AN INFANT.
In the first one, The Horse and the Infant, is epic start with catchy chorus right before Zeus tells that the only way Odysseus can have his happily ever after is to kill this baby now. Gotta say that Odysseus has a son, whom he only seen as an infant because he had to go to the war. And he is a loving father and genuinly a good man, so you can imagine his shock and pain.
I'd rather bleed for ya, down on my knees for ya
I'm begging please - Oh, this is the will of the gods
One thing I learned is that in antient greece the will of the gods is a law, and anyone denying that will suffer. So Odysseus really has no choise if he wants his family to survive.
The second song "Just a man" is heartbreaking. The singer has so much warmth, love and pain in his voise, its just incredible.
When does a man become a monster? Forgive me, I'm just a man
Full speed ahead and Open Arms have a memory of that deed, like how Odysseis said
We should try to find a way no one ends up dead
and how he even sounds different, sadder and calmer then before.
Listen to this songs, come join me in my crying, it is gorgeously sad.
P, S. I will fight for Polites with my life, he is such a sunshine.
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