#lamb is raunchy
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as if this man wouldn't say some shit like "you're gonna fuck me, doctor Lecter? you're gonna fuck me with your cock...or with your hands? or maybe with your tongue." he's so cunty, so taunting, so sassy and such a goddamn whore
@hughdancybabyface (gif)
#look at him#pls he so would#hannigram#nbc hannibal#hannibal#will graham#murder husbands#hannibal lecter#hugh dancy#lamb is raunchy
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Ler Hatsuharu, Kyo, and Shigure*
Tea Type: Brown Sugar Boba
Potential Triggers: Suggestive twording mentions, especially in Shigure's, and it has a brief mention in Haru's as well!
Pairing: Hatsuharu/F! Reader, Kyo/F! Reader, Shigure/F! Reader
Length: 1.7k+
Summary: I split up White and Black Hatsuharu here just to give a heads up!
White Hatsuharu:
Ok confession time. Hatsuharu's been a dream Ler of mine since childhood so buckle in.
White Hatsuharu is an asshole.
Love him, but as a Ler? He’s an ass.
That bitch who will pretend he isn’t touching you when you’re falling to pieces.
Tickle you in public discreetly so you jump a foot in the air and look behind your shoulder every 5 seconds only to still manage to catch you by surprise.
Make you squeal, bang your knee on a table at a family dinner, or snort and draw attention to yourself and revel in the blush that fills your cheeks as you scramble to brush off your reaction.
0 shame too omg. You think he won’t do it in public where people can full on see because it’s been teases of exposure before?
Oh sweetie. How naive.
Don’t recommend calling his bluff unless you want to get wrecked right in a public classroom while he apologizes for you “overreacting” and you weakly try to hit him, which does literally nothing.
“You didn’t really think this would work did you? If you wanted me to tickle you more all you had to do was ask, not be a brat.”
He sighs like it’s a big inconvenience as if there’s not a faint smirk tugging at the edges of his lips.
“Guess I’ll have to wreck you more now to keep a desperate brat like you sated a little longer. Now behave before I get annoyed.”
King of cheer up tickles too though. That man will make you laugh with deadpan humor first and then attack later while you’re watching tv and cuddle while he makes you laugh yourself hoarse.
Technique wise he varies. If he wants to startle you he’ll dig in to a place like your hips, sides or ribs but if he wants to draw out the tickling for a long term session he can easily start out slow and methodical and gradually ramp up the heat.
Black Hatsuharu:
Oh you poor lamb. Have fun being fed to the Wolf.
See, White Hatsuharu? He’s a saint compared to when he goes Black.
White Hatsuharu can pace himself, has certain things he doesn’t do so he doesn’t overwhelm you.
Black Hatsuharu uses that against you to make you regret angering White to the point he lost his inhibitions. There’s a reason I made his title “The Punisher” in my notes.
And it definitely has nothing to do with the fact I’ve had a Ler! Haru Lee! Reader Bully fantasy in my head for over a decade what-
So yeah! Black Hatsuharu really only comes out if you either ask for it, verbally or by being intensely bratty.
Or if you provoke another Ler/get tickled by someone else. He’s possessive af and wants to be the only Ler you have, or at least the most memorable.
Therefore, his methods are much meaner than Hatsuharu's. Unlike White Hatsuharu he only Ler’s you in private.
But he’s also much more ruthless.
White Hatsuharu doesn’t use tools or his mouth but Black Hatsuharu uses both liberally so good luck with that.
Will gleefully make you scream yourself hoarse.
Also bondage. And blindfolds. Yup. Sensory deprivation in general.
After all, can’t focus on anything but him when you can’t feel anything but what he’s doing to you right?
Oh yeah, smirks openly the whole time he Ler’s unlike White Hatsuharu's stoic expressions.
He’s also much more vocal, and raunchy as well(if you like twording that way obviously!)
Either way he’ll make fun of you for liking tickling, all while wrecking you to oblivion. Especially if you verbally have asked for him rather than acting up.
“Oh? Were you really so desperate to scream yourself hoarse that you called me?”
He’d snicked coolly as he pins you to the nearest bed or wall.
“You’re being an unusually good girl today. Perhaps my lessons are sinking in at last. …or maybe you’re just that much of a needy ticklish brat.”
Kyo Sohma:
Kyo’s…funny as a Ler.
He likes the control it offers and though he’ll never admit it he also loves the touching more than anything.
A healthy way to show affection that’s not too emotionally draining where he’s in control and can cope with his touch starvation? Of course he adores it.
But he can’t ask for it! That’d be a weakness and Kyo isn’t weak!
Tries to get Yuki and has succeeded one singular time when he went to move him aside and ended up brushing his side.
Yuki left him gasping when Kyo laughed and taunted him and though he still tries now and again Yuki will look at him deadpan, smirk a little and move to attack or wiggle his fingers at him and Kyo is gone before Yuki can so much as take a step towards him.
Kagura teases him about liking it a little too much and that makes him flustered so he tried Hatsuharu.
…He went Black once and he has never tried to Ler Hatsuharu since. He was still confused when he came to, only to find Kyo near tears and trembling from exhaustion.
So his next target was Momiji, and he found rather than forcing it that it came very easily. He had the excuse of the boy annoying him for a cover and Momiji, even if he knew Kyo liked tickling him, never said a word.
Kyo would never admit it but he was grateful.
He’s shyly begun expanding his horizons with the boys in class when he has the nerve to. Little things like poking their sides when they ruffle his hair and such or call him Kyo-Kyo.
When he lers, he tends to act bothered by their weakness. He’ll scoff and act annoyed and tell them he’s “toughening them up” or “helping them get stronger”.
“Can’t believe you’re this ticklish. Tsk. You know what a big handicap this would be in a fight?”
Speaking of; loves to playfight. Will let his tired Lee up, encouraging them to wrestle/spar/try to come at him and then scold them when they don’t have the right form or not enough strength behind their moves before taking them down gently and continuing to wreck.
This is typically the point he can’t hide that giddy schoolboy-like smile he has so try and steal a glance while laughing your head off if you can.
“Hah, wow. That was pitiful. Maybe we’ll just focus on your stamina for now huh? That’s clearly all you can handle at the moment. Let’s see how you do with another 10 minutes of tickling hm?”
Shigure Sohma:
So I dunno too much about Shigure given I’m not fully caught up in canon(I’ve only watched both anime's first seasons since I want to watch the new stuff with friends).
But I do know there’s more to him than meets the eye. He’s got this fascinating darkness inside him that pops out through snide comments that cut someone deep before he covers it.
I believe Hatsuharu referred to it as “being unable to see a wound without rubbing salt in it.”
So, as a person in general and a Ler I peg him as a closet sadist.
To build a little off my prior Fruits Basket headcanons!
In Kyo’s case it’s a more tsundere like affection for exerting control over others, and for Yuki it’s also a touch of closet sadism but he’s much less mature and experienced so he hasn’t grown into it yet or likely even realized he actually is a sadist in some shape or form. This is likely in part due to his trauma and not wanting to be like you-know-who, in any capacity.
Shigure however? Oh, he definitely has had the experience and time and uses it well. He’s explored every facet of himself throughout his years and recognizes his penchant for sadism as an unavoidable part of him.
What does this mean for him as a Ler?
It means his poor Lee is fucked of course. Especially if they know about his darker side. Even if they don’t if it’s been a while since he could let that sadism flag fly and his mask may slip a tad.
Shigure’s mask is cheerful, playful and light.
He’ll make jokes, take pictures or video of you laughing yourself silly or blushing and send it to your friends.
Stupid, fun stuff like that.
Which is why his more cruel side is often such a shock.
But in a dark mood he’s eerily professional.
First off, Shigure is a grown adult at 26, even at the start of the series, and the people his dark side would show for would also be of age.
It’s a big departure from our other babies so I just wanted to clarify.
Let’s just say I wouldn’t be surprised if Shigure had a raging tickle kink.
I’m keeping this sfw but yeah. Something to keep in mind.
In any case, he’s a big anticipation guy. I could definitely see him using blindfolds and silk bondage.
Proceeds to let you stew in anticipation while he works on a new chapter for his novel; maybe has one of those motion activated fans that’ll blow air and listen to you squeal in expectant surprise just for fun.
Once he finally does touch you he may as well not be, initially, his touch is so light. You can barely feel it. He doesn’t truly start till you’re near crying and begging for him to tickle you.
Lives for the intoxicating sense of control and relishes in utilizing it over you. Will absolutely degrade while he lers.
Unlike Hatsuharu; doesn’t make fun of you for liking it we’re way past that if he’s made you beg for it, oh no.
He makes fun of you for begging him for a break, or not to tickle you somewhere.
“Ah, not here you said? But your hips make you squeal so loud for me, and that’s to say nothing of those endearingly pathetic bucks you’re doing in hopes of dislodging me.”
“Come now, a break? It’s only been an hour, my sweet. Surely you’re stronger than that? If not, you have a safe word. Use it if you feel so inclined. Otherwise; keep that pretty mouth of yours shut until I give you permission to do anything but laugh for me. Understood?”
God he’s such an asshole, he’s lucky you love him enough to put up with all his shit honestly.
#fruits basket tickle headcanons#fruits basket tickle#fruits basket#fruits basket tickles#fruits basket tickle headcanon#shigure sohma x reader#shigure sohma x you#kyo sohma x you#kyo sohma x reader#hatsuharu sohma x reader#hatsuharu sohma x you#hatsuharu x reader#hatsuharu x you#shigure x you#shigure x reader#yuki x you#yuki x reader#female reader#tlc: tickle headcanons#tlc: brown sugar boba
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I'm here for more "mouth of the wolf, eyes of the lamb"
Man, this one I'm just so excited for. It definitely seems to be a favourite among my moots (and tbh if I didn't have to work on my steddiebang I'd be working on this exclusively).
I don't think I've given much of a summary yet? Other than everyone knowing it's roughly a kas!Eddie fic. But it's based off of a prompt from @steves-strapcollection that's spiraled into something we're now collaborating on, where, a few months after the end of season 4 and right in the midst of a worsening apocalypse in Hawkins, Steve finds Eddie in his backyard after they'd all thought he'd died that day in March. But, of course, Eddie's come back changed, body and mind, and the changes keep worsening, much to Eddie's horror. At the same time, they also have to figure out how to put an end to the apocalypse and Eddie might just hold the key.
It's body horror, truly raunchy monsterfucking, so much whump and angst, romance in during an apocalypse, and a promised happy ending despite all the rest!
Anyway, here's a snippet~
Aggravated, in pain, and not quite thinking, Eddie figured he’d get the rest of it over with and shoved his boxers off, kicking them away while he grit his teeth and breathed harshly. Eddie could barely hear Steve talking to him, low and comforting, over the rush of water and his own blood in his ears. Couldn’t spare a thought to the fact that he was fully naked in front of Steve. All that existed was the heat. The pain.
He stretched into it, towards it, arching his back despite the awful twisted cramping in his sides until it finally relaxed. The pressure in his mind went quiet and still. Eddie let out a sigh so massive he thought the shower walls should’ve shook with it. And then, his legs gave out.
“Oh shit!”
Steve caught him in a panicked scramble, hands grabbing him under the arms before Eddie’s knees smashed into the tiles, but not fast enough to keep both of them from collapsing in a soggy heap.
#wip tag game#eriquin#mouth of the wolf#steddie#eddie munson#steve harrington#kas!eddie#stranger things#snippet#sav scrawls stuff#thanks for asking eri!!
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𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚆𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛
The clown that once ran @painted-piggy-ships-archive has now taken up residence here after feeling exhausted with my very first self ship blog. It served me well for almost three years (the blog itself turns 3 in February of 2023). Can you believe I only joined Tumblr in 2020?
Anywho, the name’s Gabriel/Corey/Clownie and I am mostly attracted to a vast selection of fictional villains, but my other consistent interests include the arts (particularly film and writing) and the horror genre. This blog will be a mix of self shipping content and personal ramblings. I don’t often post straight up ns//ft content but my sense of humor can be raunchy at times and the content I’m interested in often tends to be gory/violent if not also sexual in nature so viewer discretion is advised.
Current Pronouns: They/Them, He/Him, It/Its, Hye/Hymn, Honk/Honks, Clown/Clowns, Lamb/Lambs, Halo/Halos, Glow/Glows, Teeth/Teeths, 🦷/🦷s/🦷self, 🥩/🥩s/🥩self, 📼/📼s/📼self, 📺/📺s/📺self, 🏝️/🏝️s/🏝️self, ▶️/⏸️/⏏️
Other Blogs:
Horror Content - @phone-in-the-attic
Film Reviews/etc - @cinephile-inc
Batman Content - @the-jokers-husband
Harry Potter Content (For people who hate JKR and aren’t terfs/bigots/etc only, of course) - @americannslytherinn
FNAF AU blog - @wheretheresaway-theresawilliam
Main/Dump - @offbeat-the-clownlord
18+ Blog - Ask for link if of age and interested ;0)
DNI: Terfs, bigots (racists, homophobes, etc), Joker/Harley shippers, proshippers, generally hateful people
F/o list below the cut (Short version) | See the complete version here!
Key: 💗 = Main | 💞 = Secondary | 💝 = Tertiary | 🏡 = Familial | 🌻 = Platonic | ✨ = Main Focus | 🔒 + bold = Not Comfortable Sharing
Structure: [f/o name] [source] | [relationship status or type] [marriage or engagement date if applicable] | [tag]
🔒✨ 💗 The Joker [DC Comics] | Married (12•04•21) | 🃏A Joker and His Ace🃏
💗 Wade Wilson/Deadpool [MARVEL Comics] | Married (07•12•22) | 💣Bulletproof Boys💣
🔒✨ 💗 Jack Torrance [The Shining] | Married (12•31•22) | 🪓Darling - Light of My Life🪓
🔒✨ 💗 Charles “Chucky” Lee Ray [Child’s Play franchise] | Married (03•19•20) | 🌈Foul-Mouthed Little Fucker🌈
✨ 💗 Betelgeuse [Beetlejuice] | Married (10•01•20) | 🪲Two Bugs in A Rug🪲 [🐞Two Bugs in A Rug🐞]
🔒✨ 💗 Severus Snape [Harry Potter Franchise] | Married (date n/a) | ⛅He Saw a Glow in The Darkness⛅
🔒💞 Michael Myers [Halloween franchise] | Dating | 🔪The Night He Came Home🎃
💞 Anton Chigurh [No Country For Old Men] | Dating | 🐮Sugar Bully🐮
💞 Dr. Otto Octavius [Spider-Man 2 (2004)] | Dating | 🐙6 Arms to Hold You Tight / Does That Make You an Insect???🐙
💞 The Metatron [Dogma] | Dating | 👁The Metatron🪶
🔒💝 Hannibal Lecter [NBC’s Hannibal] | Dating | 🍽️Ella et Porcus🍽️
🔒💝 Sweeney Todd [Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street] | Married (08•19•21) | 💈I Will Learn to Love Again💈
💝 Dr. Frank-n-Furter [Rocky Horror Picture Show] | Dating | 👠Material Girl👠
💝 Ashley “Ash” Joanna Williams [Evil Dead franchise] | Dating | 🍂Good. Bad. He’s The Guy With My Heart.🍂
💝 Scott Pilgrim & Ramona Flowers [Scott Pilgrim series/franchise] | Dating | ❗Multiplayer❗
💝 John Kramer [Saw franchise] | Married (08•17•23) | 🧩The Missing Pieces🧩
🔒 🏡 Pamela Voorhees [Friday the 13th] | Adoptive Mother | 🧸Mama Voorhees🧸
🔒 🏡 Jason Voorhees [Friday the 13th] | Adoptive Brother | 🧸Jason🧸
🏡 Morticia Addams [The Addams Family] | Adoptive Mother | 🥀Black Is Such a Happy Colour🥀
🏡 Gomez Addams [The Addams Family] | Adoptive Father | 🤺Either Way What Bliss🤺
🏡 Wednesday Addams [The Addams Family] | Adoptive Sister | ☠️Poison Sister☠️
🏡 Pugsley Addams [The Addams Family] | Adoptive Brother | 🧨Explosive Brother🧨
🏡 Fester Addams [The Addams Family] | Adoptive Uncle | 💡Uncle Fester💡
🏡 Addams “catch-all” tag: 🕷️*Snap Snap!*🕷️
🏡 The Sawyer Brothers [The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Pt. 1 & 2] | Cousins | 🍖Sawyer Family Shenanigans🍖
🏡 Glen & Glenda Ray/G.G. [Child’s Play franchise] | Step-kids/kid | 🎸Rebel & Rhinestone🎀
🏡 J. Jonah Jameson [Raimiverse Spider-Man] | Uncle | 🗞️
🏡 Fairy Godmother [Shrek] | Adoptive Mother | 🔮Just a MA! Away🔮
🏡 Prince Charming [Shrek] | Adoptive Brother | 👑Charming Siblings👑
🏡 Lydia Deetz [Beetlejuice] | Step-sister | ☔My Whole Life Is One Big Dark Room☔
🏡 Harry James Potter [Harry Potter Franchise] | Adoptive Son | ⚡👓
🌻 Tiffany Ray-Valentine [Child’s Play franchise] | 👰Living Dead Girl👰
🌻 Barbra & Adam Maitland [Beetlejuice] | 🌻👻 [🌻]
🌻 Peter Parker [MCU & Raimiverse] | 🕸️Spiderboy🕸️
🌻 Nellie Lovett [Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street] | 🥧Try It! (You Might Like It)🥧
🌻 Jay & Silent Bob [View Askewniverse] | 🧢The One That Talks (Jay)🧢/🧢Cute Motherfucker🧢
🌻 Dante Hicks [Clerks Trilogy/View Askewniverse] | 🏒What Are You Looking At Ya Hockey Puck (Dante)🏒
#circus honks#self shipping#self shipping community#self insert#self insert x canon#self x canon#pinned post#intro post
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COTL WIP DUMP...
Been very busy IRL. I haven't had time to dedicate to finishing some sketches so...here's the WIPs.
An Idea for a scene that takes place right after TOWW has been imprisoned.
A head turnaround of my lamb OC
Trying to design a shrine for my Lamb...
trying make sense of cat man anatomy...
Me playing with perspective on Baal...(what am I even doing...)
Alate!Sozo in different outfits and poses (parden the raunchiness, I do full anatomy before adding clothes...)
Digitizing an old sketch I had for TOWW's body and the what happened to his original body...
Also sad Kallamar
#my art#sketch dump#cult of the lamb#i don't know if it's worth finishing these...#but I made them atleast#cotl#alate!sozo#cotl toww#bishops of the old faith#cotl baal#cotl oc
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Hey! I now own Monster Roadtrip, and figured I'd post all the Lamb's funky dialogue somewhere for the Cult of the Lamb fandom.
As a heads up, the Monster Prom series has A LOT of suggestive humor. Most of the Lamb scenes aren't too saucy, but be warned for a bit of raunchy humor and some typical cult shenanigans (murder, cannibalism, eating poop, etc). It's worth noting that none of the art in the Lamb's scenes depicts anything sexual or violent, it's only in the dialogue.
I'll put a heads up at the top of the post if necessary.
FAQ
INDEX
Monster Roadtrip on Steam
I'm not affiliated with Massive Monster or Beautiful Glitch. I'm just a CotL fan posting this for other fans.
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9 Erotic Bucket List Adventures That Aren't Sex
Sex sells and that's on Little Bo Peep.
Kiarra Sylvester
Jul. 12, 2022 07:00AM EST
Sex sells! That’s on Little Bo Peep, Mary and her little lamb, and whoever else. We see it all over the television and even outside of it. These days, novelty experiences are on the rise and are no longer reserved for bachelor and bachelorette parties! Folks can enjoy erotic outings and ideas any time, any place. And social media is making it easier than ever to sell these products and experiences in new and intriguing ways. Seriously, do phallic- and p*ssy-shaped desserts not make for Instagram-worthy content?
Is it not aesthetically eye-catching to add those things to our Instagram Stories and feeds? It’s very similar to the popularization of selfie museums, in my opinion. They were popular by themselves but because of the new influencer agenda on social media – everyone can be someone – it makes specific experiences appear to be richer. Leave it to someone like myself, a sexuality enthusiast, if you will – the person whose friends send all the raunchy, wild content to because in their mind there’s no limit – to find a good sex novelty experience.
My documentation of my trip to New York’s Museum of Sex was followed by my TikTok algorithm recommending a bakery in NYC that sells vulva pastries. It made me wonder how many other fun places like these existed in the world. Though there are many, I compiled a list of 9 novelty sex experiences that would make the teenaged version of you that used to frequent Spencer's blush.
Kinky's Dessert Bar
New York, New York
instagram
Black-owned and specializing in tasty goodies that are as sweet as they are sexy, Kinky’s Dessert Bar comes in at the top of the list! This adorable little pink shop is vibrant and fun-looking with a name to match it – who wouldn’t want to stop by? Alas, those under 18 aren’t allowed inside, and for good reason. However, if you are old enough to ride this ride, don’t leave feeling teased – try one of their explicit waffles, cupcakes, or cookies.
Booze and Nudes
Dallas, Texas
Booze and Nudes used to be a whole movement that began in Atlanta, however, it seems the OG promoters stopped doing this event. It garnered so much traction in ATL that they took this act on the road (trust me, I know). I’ve been pressed to find another one ever since but only recently found this new one based in Dallas. By far one of the most fun girls' night out experiences I had – dick swinging and all – it was like a less intense strip club (which is welcomed) combined with a sip and paint. The dates here are limited, so try it out while tickets last.
Museum of Sex
New York, New York
This museum covers a wide variety of sexuality-related topics rather than finding any one niche. And, the Museum of Sex also doubles as a novelty store as well making for a one-stop-shop. My favorite part about this museum is they switch out their funtivity every now and then, at one point there was a booby bounce house. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they will run it back!
Members Only Waffle House
Toronto, Canada
instagram
If you’re a U.S. resident looking for an excuse outside of Carabana to visit Toronto, here it goes! Similar to Kinky’s Dessert Bar, Members Only brings all the boys and girls to the yard with their phallic-shaped waffles. However, they have also expanded into making other NSFW treats, most notably ones featuring female genitalia, because balance.
Red Light Secrets
Antique Vibrator Museum
San Francisco, California
I would love to make a trip to visit the Antique Vibrator Museum, as masturbation via sex toys is one of my favorite topics. This museum is run by Good Vibrations and in all fairness, it’s just one small room so it’s probably best to plan this trip around other things to do if you are ever in San Fran. However, it’s still worth visiting to be able to see up close and personal the transition of vibrators along with the sexist history that they harbor.
Philly Naked Bike Ride
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Though the Naked Bike Ride occurs in multiple cities and countries, I first discovered this event living in Philadelphia. As much as I love riding bikes and being naked, I’ll be the first to admit this isn’t my forte as a combined act. Bike seats are already so comfortable so just imagine. Nevertheless, I’ve heard it’s nothing less than an experience. Plus, the purpose is to advocate for body positivity and eco-efficient options, and who doesn’t like nudity for a good cause?
Leather Archives and Museum
Chicago, Illinois
Leather Archives and Museum is committed to highlighting the leather, kink, fetish, and BDSM history through their exhibits. Not only is this a fun stop to make if you’re ever in the Chicago area, but it also brings better understanding to a community that is often misunderstood.
Amsterdam, Netherlands
instagram
In addition to its architecture and canals, Amsterdam is most known for its liberal attitude towards sex and drugs. Their wild nightlife scene points to them being a city that is forever young, wild, and free. But specific to sex, they are known for legalized sex work which occurs in the Red Light District. Red Light Secrets in particular talks about the history of sex work which I think is great considering how stigmatized it is, despite the whole sex sells bit. But, the most fun part about this experience is that it’s located in an old brothel!
Seattle Erotic Art Festival
Seattle, Washington
This is a multimedia art festival showcasing the erotic via visual arts, performance, film, and literary art. Though the time to attend for 2022 has come and gone, the festival has already released dates for 2023. If all goes well with the world, you can expect to attend on April 21-23. This event has a minimum age of 21, so be sure to leave the kiddos behind for this sweet getaway.
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Kiarra Sylvester
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
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7 Things You Didn't Know Were Keeping Your Lips Dry
ERICA FRASER
2H
Having ashy lips may be worse than having ashy knees. It's true. And now that it's getting colder, it's getting harder to keep our skin moisturized, and the skin on our lips is no different. Dry lips can be painful and uncomfortable. In extreme cases, they can even lead to bleeding and infections. So how can you keep your lips moisturized during the fall and winter months?
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I Tried It: Amina Adem Natural Skincare Routine
XOSTAFF
20H
Creative Producer and Spelmanite Maura Chanz has amazing, flawless skin, so we had to know, what's her skincare routine?
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BEAUTY & FASHION
Why Ami Colé Founder Diarrha N'Diaye-Mbaye Never Quit
HANNA PHIFER
21H
Here’s an indisputable fact: Black is beautiful. It always has been and it always will be. No one understands this more than Diarrha N'Diaye-Mbaye. As a little girl growing up in Harlem, New York, the Senegalese-American entrepreneur spent a lot of time in her mother’s hair salon watching the carousel of Black women that would come through the doors of the shop and saw how beauty could be a communal experience.
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HOROSCOPES
Here Are The Least Compatible Zodiac Signs, According To Astrology
TAYLER BARAKAT
08 NOVEMBER
Astrology can give you insight into who you connect with on different levels, and where your heart is meant to be. The basics of astrology compatibility are that air signs go well with fire signs, and earth signs go well with water signs. The elements in the zodiac are nature's way of guiding people toward what feels good for them and what doesn’t, and when looking at what would make two signs incompatible, this is a big one. You also can examine compatibility by looking at the different modalities such as fixed signs, mutable signs, and cardinal signs.
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BOSS UP
Bianca Kathryn Is Making A Bold Statement And Building Inclusivity With Yo Soy AfroLatina
JANELL HAZELWOOD
07 NOVEMBER
Bold statements allow us, as Black women, to affirm ourselves, be sure we are heard, and let the world know we are to be loved and acknowledged. They unite us, spark healthy discourse, and allow us to build community in a way only we can.
"I'm Black and I'm proud."
"Reclaiming my time."
"My Black is beautiful."
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Yuletidings 2016: Tinsel-litus
1. Maybe This Christmas - Ron Sexsmith
2. Hey, Mr Snowman - Kim Wilde
3. Here Comes Santa In A Red Canoe - The Surfers
4. Christmas for You and Me - Ellie Holcomb
5. Ding! Dong! Merrily On High - Harry Allen
6. Oh, Mary and the Baby, Sweet Lamb - Elizabeth Mitchell
7. Santa Claus, Do You Ever Get The Blues - Roomful Of Blues
8. Guillaume, Prends Ton Tambourin - Bruno Mursic
9. I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas - Sugarland
10. Snowfall - NRBQ
11. Trim Your Tree - Jimmy Butler
12. It's Christmas - Jimmy Wakely
13. Bradfield - Kate Rusby
14. Do You Hear What I Hear (Featuring Take 6)-Gordon Goodwin's Big Phat Band
15. Christmas Lullaby - The Gregory Brothers
16. Angels We Have Heard on High - Christafari
17. Snowflake, Snowflake - Tom Glazer and Dottie Evans
18. Jingle Bell Jamboree - Keb' Mo'
19. Mr. Santa - Kenny Vance and the Planotones
20. Winter Wonderland - Jennifer Kimball
21. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - The Evans Quartet
22. May Every Day Be Christmas - Irma Thomas and The Preservation Hall jazz Band
23. Silent Night {1914 Recording) - Felix Arndt
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Ron Sexsmith’s “Maybe This Christmas” is one of the best and most heartfelt holiday songs to come along in the last decade or so and certainly one of the most appropriate: melancholy about the present but hopeful for the future.
“Maybe this Christmas will mean something more
Maybe this year love will appear
Deeper than ever before.
And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call
Someone we love, someone we've lost
For reasons we can’t quite recall
Maybe this Christmas.
Maybe there’ll be an open door.
Maybe the star that shone before
Will shine once more.
And maybe this Christmas will find us at last
In heavenly peace, grateful at least
For the love we've been shown in the past.
Maybe this Christmas, maybe this Christmas.”
By way of contrast we also have the cheerfully goofy “Here Comes Santa in a Red Canoe” from a 1959 album called Christmas in Hawaii by the Surfers. I also really like “Christmas for You and Me” by Ellie Holcomb - she has a really special voice: warm, slightly husky and with a small amount of sibilance on her S’s. This jazzy little song about the joys of a family Christmas falls just right on the ears.
Other highlights include: the high-powered swing of Harry Allen’s “Ding Dong Merrily on High”; “Pat-a-Pan”, sung in French and retitled “Guillame, Prends ton Tambourin”; the uptempo country/bluegrass of Sugarland on “I’m Gettin’ Nothin’ for Christmas”; and NRBQ’s dreamy live take on “Snowfall”; a return visit from Jimmy Butler’s raunchy “Trim Your Tree”, always a favorite of mine.
Kate Rusby isn’t well-known here in the U.S. but she’s a wonderful British singer and songwriter and has made several beautifully produced Christmas albums - I love the heralding horn arrangement on “Bradfield”, included here. Also: the brilliant jazz harmonies of Take 6 blending with the stellar arrangements of Gordon Goodwin’s Big Phat Band on “Do You Hear What I Hear”; the comforting “Christmas Lullaby” by the Gregory Brothers; the scientific explanation of how snowflakes are formed, set to music by Tom Glazer and Dottie Evans; the warm wishes of “May Every Day Be Christmas” by Irma Thomas with the Preservation Hall Jazz Band; and the nostalgic sweetness of a 1913 recording of “Silent Night” played on a celeste.
The cover art was found online and the title added.
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𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 𝐈𝐈
𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒
⊹ mommyd.txt: everything I say. Just absolute word vomit of all categories.
⊹ mommyd’s little lambs: answered asks
⊹ mommyd’s.insert moot: for (possible) future mutuals
⊹ mommyd’s.insert anon: for (possible) future anons
𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒
⊹ mommyd.writes: all of my actual writing that I spend time on and/or like, actual fics
⊹ mommyd.writespt2: late night or early morning informal writings that had my fingers flying over the keyboard on a whim. Mostly things I don’t plan that just fall out of my brain bc I can’t keep it in
⊹ mommyd.recs: fics and other writings that I recommend and/or enjoyed
⊹ best of the best: the absolute bangers of a fic and/or writings I enjoyed that are not only good, but exceptional. God-tier, panty soaking, mouth watering, sugary goodness. Mh-Mh-mn scrumdidlyumpcious, if you know wtf I mean
⊹ mommyd.horknee: horny posts, drabbles
⊹ ___ cw: these are for all of my content warnings. This may include things like either dark content or things that can be commonly triggering. Ex.1; incest cw Ex.2; blood cw
𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒
⊹ mommyd.artrb: all reblogged art
⊹ mommyd.miscrb: all things reblogged that have nothing to do with anime, probably. Like posts that I find funny, things like that
⊹ mds.jjk, mds.itadori, mds.kny, mds.kyojuro, etc.: all characters and fandoms will be tagged this way, so that it’s not just a name or fandom tagged, and it won’t show up in the general on tumblr
⊹ mommyd.ship tag: it’s…just a ship tag for any shipping content for any ship…yeah..
⊹ mommyd.explicitrb: things like explicit art, for example. Just so I don’t ambush anyone with the most batshit, raunchy rb you’ve ever seen in your god forbidden life
⊹ mommyd.spit takes: basically just meta, be forewarned. This could include both fic meta and anime meta, on all of my fandoms. But, I will have the anime’s tagged depending on the post, so
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Hell of Heaven | Stefano Fuoco
Title taken from Paradise Lost, gif choice is somewhat intentional
CW: mentions of wet dreams, mentions of sex/lust as a concept, self loathing, negative portrayal of religion, mentions of somewhat raunchy humour between teenagers
Stefano vividly remembers a particular mass he attended as a child.
He couldn’t have been older than eight or nine, his small chubby self wandering into the church when he found himself available and bored on the occasional Sunday. He remembers the priest giving long droning speeches of God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, before going into a scathing, demeaning session on certain pictures of certain women, hidden behind rehearsed kindness, upholding a pretension of nobleness and honour. He remembers the old man at the altar casually reducing those women to their bodies, measuring them on scales of chastity and rotting morals. He remembers how Father Acacius droned on about ‘respecting your body’, that the only truly right marriage was strictly that between a man and a woman, that lovemaking was strictly for reproduction and nothing more, and anyone who’d have sexual intercourse for selfish pleasure was guilty of lust. He remembers how simultaneously warm and ice cold the church felt with every word that sounded and echoed about the packed church. The adults around him nodded along to every word that fell from those thin withered lips, unseeing eyes focused on the shrivelled elder as they listened intently. And there he was, a small lost lamb with eyes like spilt blood and all the ignorance of any sheltered child.
He couldn’t explain why the speech stuck in his mind, until he woke up at age thirteen, with impure shades of white staining his shorts and bedsheets like blood, the scorching hellfire dancing in his veins, the brief flashes of untamed raven hair and daring, dashing smiles permanently etched into his bones.
His nanny found him gasping for air as he tried to drag the defiled laundry to the nearest garbage disposal, and quietly murmured comforting words and the other servants made quick work of the sheets and his shorts, the hum of the laundry machine indiscernible from the other side of the house in his room. With his parents away for work, he blearily recalls the brief biology lesson she gave him, how it was normal and healthy for a boy his age to go through such things, and yet he only felt the disgusting filthy slimy thing in his shorts that made him wash his hands over and over, until no amount of luxurious cream could keep up with the frequency of dried cracks decorating his skin.
He hides his newfound shame from his friends, puts on an innocent expression practised many times in the mirror and pretends not to hear the way they talk about the pretty girl from the next class over. He’d probably be slapped on the back and deemed a proper man should he mention the foul fantasy, so far as he left out certain details. Yet, the burning humiliation at the base of his spine stops him from saying anything, save for the way he subtly ducks away from Harley’s touch for a while.
He eventually forces the befouling feelings down, stamps them out the same way he does flames on expensive carpets when his tricks go wrong. He continues to be deemed an virtuous, pure church boy who can’t look at anyone in the eye out of shyness rather than out of guilt and disgrace. That is the role he’s assigned to, and only bad actors fail to deliver what their audiences want. He quietly makes sure to zone out of improper conversations, carefully avoiding looking at women’s body parts put on display in dirty magazines like beef at a butcher’s shop. He sits still and poised, angling himself to look like a pretty porcelain doll as he smiles bashfully when asked about his ‘preferences’. He speaks nothing of the additional three pairs of shorts he’s ruined, now burning a hole through the bottom of his drawer. He can almost taste the ‘sweetness’ his friends go on and on about beyond the heavy bitterness of bile threatening to crawl up his throat, but he bans himself from tasting the forbidden fruit, refusing to let the nectar so much as touch his tongue as the boys around him greedily suckled and milked every last drop.
He delivers his act, adding improvs that slowly become part of his routine, and by the time he enters Night Raven, he’s revised and polished so much that the elaborate set up is as shiny as the goblet of Blood in every mass. It’s almost inseparable from his actual personality, lines blurring as more and more of his performance seeps through the cracks in his facade and mixes with the scorching darkness beneath. The flames of impurity dancing along flesh and bone and threatening to expose him in a large flashy show of combustion. The shame weighing down his lower half becomes a constant comfort that he’s doing well, that he’s holding up, that’s he’s still pure and innocent to the outside world, and no one but him would know how wrong that perception was. No one would know the piling weight of sin and lust that rests on his shoulders, no one would know how defiled and disgusting he was underneath all the conservative layers.
It takes a long time for him to come around to the concept of fanservice. Johnathan and Mordred have no problem, with their natural charisma and polished images. Johnathan drops flirty one-liners that leave Stefano’s cheeks burning and Mordred’s built stature has him standing around the corner to calm the sweltering heat in his gut. Yet, when he’s encouraged to do the same, “for sales and promotions”, they say, his body runs hot and cold, a lump of coal in his throat and a knife at his neck. He dares not move, too scared that once the blood is spilled, so will all the impurities and shame he’s been hiding for the past years of his life.
And he was correct.
It’s difficult for him, now, to not let his gaze linger on Azul’s beauty mark and soft lips that would taste like sea salt, to not trace the pale, slender column of Idia’s neck and wish he could unzip the oversized baggy hoodie of his. He finds it difficult to look at the Leech twins at all, and has never been so grateful as to be a head shorter so he doesn’t have to acknowledge their mischievous, knowing looks and coy smiles. He’s practically burned by Kalim’s presence, desperately looking at anywhere else other than the sharp collarbone and intricate designs on his arm. The fire in his body is fuelled by the added guilt of being around someone so pure, naive, ignorant, unlike himself who had been long tainted and was in the process of falling down a never-ending void of temptation. It feels as though his hands can never be clean, of blood or slime, he can’t tell where one ends and the other begins anymore. They all seem to blend into a permanent stain on his hands, and he wonders if he should start wearing gloves.
The voices of the church echo, sometimes, when Gian’s comforting weight drapes all across his back as he purrs. He can almost hear Father Acacius, feel the weight of his judgmental stare as he casually remarks, “A harlot, how unfortunate…Bring your…’friend’ to our next gathering, perhaps he can benefit from the Lord’s word,” and all of a sudden, it feels as though the agonising pain has been suddenly doused, icy chills dragging up his spine despite the warm body against his back. The warm reds and browns of Florenetta fade away into the freezing white and gold, and Stefano feels like he’s the same pudgy child he was back then, a lost black lamb standing in a courthouse decorated with the Sign of God, with a large living cross splayed across his shoulders.
Growing a year older and slowly maturing into an adult did nothing to help the shame he felt, the base instincts he held as he carefully tried not to look anyone out of fear that lust will spill out of his throat. John had figured it out, he was sure of it, and he was grateful the fox decided to say nothing aside from placing a bottle of laundry stain remover on the counter of Stef’s bathroom. Anyone had to have seen his fear, really. His act was becoming less refined, less polished, more tainted and dirty and disgusting. He doesn’t want people to look at him, doesn’t want people to see the mindless animal he’s slowly becoming, one that lives off of instinct to eat and fuck and take as much as he can—as it can—without giving anything in return.
He feels envy sear into his vision in pastel blues, when a familiar first year comes into view. He feels shame for such childish, petty emotions, unfitting of someone like him, of his status and prestige and one that has much more than others could wish to have. He shouldn’t be feeling envy or jealousy or lust, not when he’s nearing that age where he could be baptised, even though the thought of being dunked into a pool of cold, unfeeling holiness threatens to choke and drown him. He has a loving busy family, blessed with talent, wealth, and surprisingly steady jobs for someone in the entertainment industry. Yet Stefano can’t even keep his own emotions and base desires in check like some ragged creature that crawled out of nowhere, and the absolute shame burned him to the core.
The lava in his veins has been boiling for a long time, and eventually it overflows, when John makes an offhanded comment on how sensual Stefano has become as he develops, the hard lines and sharp contours of a traditionally masculine figure replaced with soft curves and seduction skills all the more effective with how unaware he is most of the time. It’s meant as a joke, a little harmless jab at how uptight and shy he is. Yet Stefano feels the telltale burn of tears not a second later, his only warning before he starts crying, or is he really? The tears roll down his cheeks, but he doesn’t know what to feel or how to feel.
Part of him mourns the facade that’s finally been broken, like an old haunted porcelain doll he’s held onto ever since that first dream. He murmurs “I’m sorry” into Mordred’s shoulder over and over, grasping at John’s fluffy tail that’s wrapped itself around his waist. He’s failed to live up to expectations, and he doesn’t know whether to feel guilty over that or over the fact that he’s not that all sorry. He feels free for once, the weight of the cross lifted from his back. He feels like he could actually breathe and move without the shameful fire burning up his limbs and organs, as if it’s rebelled and burning the church in the recesses of his mind into ashes along with Father Acacius and everyone in it.
He wears stiletto heels and effortlessly slides down into splits, he hangs off of poles and sways his hips and explores this new side to his body and self that he’s kept locked up since he was thirteen. He laughs in amusement and embarrassment at all the comments of fans panicking in the best way possible no matter how many times he repeats such daring, scandalous performances, he feels much more comfortable tossing a casual wink or flirty line for his supporters.
He’s never been so thrilled to read the barrages of hate comments, and lights a bonfire every night in their honour. Shallow and fickle people focusing a little too hard on the ‘good, pure Christian boy’ image he’s cultivated over the years, offended when he wears shirts cropped short enough that they’re “barely shirts” with low rise sweats that show off his tummy. They insist that he’s “only 18”, “barely legal”, that “his old stuff was better” because he wasn’t as “slutty” or “sexualised”.
To that, he uploads a video with even more daring choreography, dances he’s only ever done in the safety of his room or one of the numerous studios in Florenetta’s dorm, where it’s only him and the mirror. Daring was a bit of an understatement, really. He was surprised Headmaster Crowley had nothing to say about it (though the man barely had much of an opinion at all when it came to the workings of Florenetta). His saving grace was likely how the video was shot, dimly lit with neon lights that illuminated his barely-clothed body in shades of blue and purple, the camera angles highlighting his graceful movements.
He’d be lying if he didn’t do it out of spite, but more than anything, the absolute joy pumping through his body, the way he throws himself into the steps and hair flips and floor work, and the way he looks over at his mediocre figure in the mirror for the first time, takes all the little flaws from head to toe, and whispers confidently, “I look good.” The sound of his shackles shattering to the floor and the feeling of air rushing into his lungs like he’s never truly breathed before, it was all too blissful to ever be interrupted by some stranger’s harsh repetitive words of chastity.
They say he’s changed, and that they miss the old Stefano, but really, he’s never changed at heart. He still goes red when Gian gives him a friendly slap on his behind, or when John gently offers some tea late at night away from prying eyes in that soft smooth voice of trust that makes him swoon. He still hesitates to snuggle up against Mordred, especially when the ace decides to go about shirtless, turns away when Lulu skips into practice wearing a sports bra and biker shorts because she couldn’t be bothered, and gets just as flustered as Marius when the younger boy catches wind of Stefano’s recent image change. He’s still mortified when his classmates come up to him teasing him about how “erotic” he’s gotten lately, as if he’s never registered the idea that those who know him in person would also watch his videos.
It’s simply that he doesn’t bother putting up a pure white Christian wall anymore. He lets his admiration be known, joining in on the excited hollers as he watches his friends excel in the most beautiful way possible. He doesn’t shy away from putting his body on display like a decorated canvas, a work of art, and finds hiding the tiny blemishes and rolls a bother. Frankly, despite what some of his fans liked to believe, he didn’t have much of a problem being ‘sexy’. It was simply another aspect of himself that both he and they could learn to love in the long run.
And if he smiles to himself quietly while he reads through all the excited and positive feedback he’s gotten, loose-limbed and warm from a long hot soak in the bath, no one else has to know.
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst oc#twisted wonderland oc#stefano fuoco#character study#i guess. it kinda is one
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SPOILER ALERT!!!!
DONT READ UNTIL YOU HAVE FINISHED!!!!!
My full review of ACOSF 3 seconds after reading it.
Probably unpopular opinion. Idk.
First off wow. I did not expect that shit at alllll! I liked it but I would rate it a solid 6.5/10. To me it wasn’t that good. It was a book with a good plot for about 3/4 of the way and then it gets weird with smut scattered throughout it with no real purpose.
First I want to say that I still feel that Nesta and Cassians relationship is so strange and forced. I wish I liked it more. I don’t. The initial romance scenes were so quick and weirdly put together they literally did nothing for the plot. It was just a lot of sex scenes that I was like eh ok. They’re steamy and raunchy but with little to no purpose. Like Maas just decided to make this her sexiest book bvs of how many views it would get without calculating the plot into it. They just end up making out and having sex a lot but I didn’t see the buildup or anything it just happened out of nowhere. And then it stopped and then it happened again. I wish their mating bond snapping into place had been more of a plot line I was left a little confused when I read it. Nesta apologizing and accepting Cassians apology was too quick he said he was shackled to her. Hellllll no. She became a pushover.
I did like how now Nesta has a relationship with all the IC. However her instant forgiveness and her apologies to the IC were very rushed and ingenuine. She was treated very poorly by rhys and amren and shes the one who throws herself at rhys and apogkizes? She’s the one who apogizes to amren? No. It doesn’t seem at all like the Nesta that I would have expected. I wanted at least a little rebuttal or fire. Like I understand all of their hesitantion and why they were so mean but I wanted a little apology or explanation.
I hate to say it but Maas really did seem to cut the fire out of Nesta. I didn’t want her to be a bitch but I wanted to go retain of her sassy energy and she just seemed like a wash rag at the end. Nesta was done wrong by Cassian rhys and amren a lot and she was the one who ended up fixing or apologizing in those relationships and it doesn’t fit right that they don’t at least mention their mistakes to her as well. And this is coming from someone’s who didn’t like Nesta, or didn’t rlly care for her, so I can’t imagine what people who liked her thought after reading this book.
I didn’t like how she never apologized to feyre or Elain. She did in actions but I wanted a verbal apology. I loved the total sacrifice and I thought it fit her arc. I thought it was very full circle. Obviously Nesta and feyre love eachother and I’m elated about that. I like that Nesta had to give up her power and was able to keep a bit of it. The power would have killed her I think if she was able to keep it.
Lowkey I was expected each sister to have to be called to a made item and I thought it would have been a cool plot idea to introduce Elain into the story.
I love how Elain was so bold in this book but there were moments where even I was like calm down girl.
I loved her slow development with Mor. mor was aggressive at the beginning but really came into herself and i liked their friendship all the way through. I liked how mor is portrayed a lot. Hopefully mor snd emerie are a thing. But, how does nestas jealousy just go away? How does mor just accept that Nesta and Cassian are having sex? How does every charter just act fine with it when they all were so cautious around her? Seems kind of gross to constantly smell the sex. Ew.
Az and Nesta are so great as a pair. Hopefully we see more of Gwyn with him.
Love emerie and Gwyn but how the three of them were able to complete the blood rite after only a few months of training is so unrealistic and just not what I expected. It seemed so played out and sacrificial martyr like I was bored of it. Very predictable. Especially how Cassian goes against the crown to save his mate like okay next.
I wish Maas had just kept her as a leader for assault survivors I think that would have been amazing. But Nesta and her friends after literally 3-4 months of training being illyrians is unrealistic. Nesta seemed to transform into Feyre at the end and while I love Feyre Nesta is not Feyre and I was not a fan of seeing another recreation of that sacrificial lamb trope.
The whole pregnancy plot point was weird and I didn’t like it. I get it at the end but literally I could have done without the whole thing. Rhys keeping it from Feyre that she was gonna die- horrible. Them making a pact they would die together is absurd and so weird. They would never do that like ... someone has to fucking rule the night court.
I loveeeeeed the dance scenes and the importance of music.
Eris is fine. I don’t like him I don’t hate him. He’s whatever. Same with Lucien. Literally this whole thing he was with Mor about her knowing the truth like literally don’t care. It’s mor making me curious it’s just a stale detail now that’s been repeated a lot with no follow up information.
I would have liked more touching up on mor azriel and cassians relationship. It’s like Maas is fostering confusion with Elain and morrigan over azriel and it’s not mysterious it’s just annoying.
There was some amazing detail that went into this novel and I applaud the well thought out and carefully constructed attention to history and mythology. I thought a lot of the smaller scenes and chapters were brilliant- the harp scenes, the initial training, the library and house scenes, the female relationships, music scenes, etc....- but as a whole plot it felt like 6 stories being forced together and tied with a ribbon but the stuffing was coming out so your left confused and a little like wtf okay.
Overall I liked the story thought it was very good “redemtption” arc for nesta but I wish it had more to do with her psychological journey and not so much out on her psychical one- Illyrian blood rite, hiking, weird sex- with odd plot points and rushed relationships and forgiveness.
Also I liked the azriel extea chapter it was fine. Kinda made az look like a little morally grey but we now know he is interested in Elain, that Elain wants him back, and that he is lonely. Hopefully he doesn’t hurt Gwyn.
Loveeeeed the feysand chapter. Rhys is dead on about his characterization of Elain.
The next book will def be about as, Lucien, Elain, mor, and probably Gwyn. LOVE THAT.
#Nesta#nesta archeron#Cassian#nessian#azriel#morrigan#Feyre#rhysand#feyre archeron#amren#Elain#elain archeron#Lucien#lucien vanserra#acosf#a court of silver flames#acosf spoilers#emerie#gwyn#eris
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The Hating Game
Author: Sally Thorne
Romance
Page Count: 363
How Did I Come Across This Book?:
I was looking to expand my literary horizons - thought I'd give romance novels another shot. Found this book listed as a nominee of Good Reads Choice Awards - I borrowed the book from an acquaintance.
Review:
This was my second round on reading a romance novel - man was it rough. I had very high hopes as it had high reviews everywhere the book was posted.
The momentum of the story seemed bogged down - chapters seemed infalted on minuscule matters. 3 full chapters devoted to paintballing. The author/protagonists mentions things (promotion), events (visiting parents), and friends (Val) multiple, multiple times - it was agonizing - but never actually visits/explorers/resolves anything for the reader on those subject matters.
Side note - again - only my 2nd romance novel, but both books reference games of paintball with the nemesis soon to be lover, kissing the jaw as an erogenous zone (I don't get it), and Hawaii as being the ultimate Honeymoon.
Continuing...
The story/plot was horrendous.
Not talking too sexual - not too raunchy.
Reviewers/Commentors/Readers were swooning over the steam heat building between the charcters, but as I read the book I was in fear for the female protagonists because the male lead came off as a sociopath - I'm talking Buffalo Bill/Silence of the Lambs. Not to spoil the book but I actually thought there might be a moment the Male lead was going to murder someone and bathe in their blood (bit of an exaggeration - but not).
The character building was shallow in my opinion.
The female lead is made out to be intelligent because - ya know - she works at a publishing company and has all the stereotypes of a librarian - but man is she vapid and ditzy.
The male lead is a cold shell of a human - with no redeeming qualities. Dude - and he is a dude - is a monster.
The climax of the book comes so fast you should call the book a two pump chump. I waited and waited for the driven wedge between the leads - "their competition" at work - and the author breezes past one of the biggest parts in the book in a paragraph. Some of the worst writting since Dallas (talking who shot JR follow up).
Man - I don't get why this book is loved.
Personal Rating: 2/10
Another side note - This was made into a movie...
Yearly Book Total: 6
Total Page Count: 2,307 pages
#52 in 22#book club#books#good reads#reading#romance novels#romance#Chick Lit#The Hating Game#Sally Thorne#Dreadful Read#Blah#Basic#predictable#Vapid#Film Adaptation#Lucy Hale
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Jealous, My Ass
Genre- Is raunchy gutter filth a genre? Because that’s what this is.
Pairing- Ko-Mun Yeong/ Moon Gang-Tae
Warnings- See the genre. If you are an innocent lamb this is not for you. Also I am 100% a feminist (pussy power af) but I will be using some tropes and such I am only human y’all. Jealous hottie is hot. I also haven’t written anything in years so you know, be kind. I just couldn’t get them out of my head.
Summary: Gang-Tae is definitely not jealous. At all. Not even a little bit.
Bring home food. I’m hungry!
Mun-Yeong delicately presses send on her phone and flips it shut, falling back onto the vibrant red couch with a sigh. She sees the small seen on her phone screen notifying that Gang-Tae has received her message and impatiently waits for his reply. Seconds, turn to minutes and no reply comes and she feels her stomach twist in annoyance. Why isn’t he answering her? How dare he? Could he be busy? Why read her message only to ignore it?
She picks up her phone intending to ask him all those questions, when the little voice inside her head that always tells her the worst possible answers whispers “He doesn’t want you. You bother him and he only helps you because he feels bad for you. You’re a BURDEN!” She stands up and tries to physically shake off the those gut-wrenching thoughts- mind flashing back to all the times that the prince in question has saved her.
Riding in on his metal stead in torrential rain. Only to try to dump her back home.
Twisting the fingers of that politician’s son has he tried to slap her. Then walking away and leaving her on the sidewalk after ripping her to shreds.
Calling her an empty can. He had apologized for that but just like she told him bad memories had a way of wedging themselves in your heart and not easily coming out.
Taking that two-faced bitch’s side and telling her that she didn’t own him. Her feelings have changed since she made that claim to Joo-Ri that he was always hers. He was still just a pretty thing then. Now he’s..... more. And his dismissal now hurts more than before. He knows things about her that she has never uttered to anyone. He has seen her in situations that no one else ever has. Not even Sang-In. But she knows that he is also an expert at turning this feelings off. Unlike him, she wears her heart on the tip of her knife. It’s a bloody, messy thing. Locked up for so long that now it just leaks all over him.
Her phones finally vibrates with his answer and she tries not jump but her stupid body has been betraying her ever since he crashed into her life.
She picks up her phone and flips it only, eyes scanning when she sees his reply- No. She stares at the phone in disbelief and anger and- “He doesn’t want you. Nobody could love a monster like you!” This time she can’t ignore her mother’s screeching voice in her mind, sledge hammering into her confidence until it shatters under the pressure. That is the entirety of his response and she sits quietly on the couch feeling like an empty husk. Only years of rejections- him being one of the first- stops her tears from falling. Being around him has made her weak, she desperately forces herself to will her armor back up. She knows she has failed when her phone vibrates and her first thought is please be him.
It isn’t.
A number she doesn’t know pops up on her screen with a message- It was such a pleasure to see you today. I would love to take you out for dinner tonight. Are you free?
Coffee shop guy.
She doesn’t think about her answer before replying that’s another thing she started doing since meeting him and look just where that has gotten her. After replying she swipes up the stairs, dressing down bellowing behind her. She will not be weak. Plus, she’s fucking hungry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gang- Tae stares down at his phone in shock, genuinely surprised that she hasn’t said anything to retort to his short answer. She hates when he replies with only one word and usually follows those messages up with messages demanding more. She always demands everything he has. And then some.
He lov--- No. Stop. His heart burns in not jealousy remembering how she sized up that not handsome punk at the coffee shop. Gazing at him like he was something to be conquered and then shoving his hand on her perfect little waist. He scoffs recalling her admission that she was like Sang-Tae and only he could touch her only to then place a stranger’s hand on hi-her waist.
It’s not until Cha-Young walks in carefree as if he works in an ice cream parlor and not a psychiatric ward that he realizes that he is standing shirtless, gripping his shirt tightly between his fingers. He had become distracted after receiving her message demanding that he bring food. He wanted to give her the food, give her anything she wanted really. It scared him to hell. It wasn’t until he saw the smug smile and hungry stare in someone else’s eyes looking at her that he realized that maybe he wasn’t what she wanted anymore.
The way she had whispered “CEO” reminded him that despite what he had screamed at her idiot manager in the parking lot she was a celebrity. People wanted her. Men who had way more to offer and were’t terrified of taking what she was offering. She was so beautiful it made his jaw clench in frustration and her haircut only made her more beautiful, it was obscene and unfair. Her hair brushed against her define features and made her already long neck- look like it was never-ending.
“Gang-Tae. Hey, Gang-Tae! Are you listening? What the hell?”
Cha-Young’s voice broke him free from his internal suffering. He quickly put on his uniform shirt and turned his head, repressing all this emotions until his face was a blank slate.
“They need your help carrying a new patient. So stop checking yourself out, you narcissist!” He grabbed what looked like a candy bar before leaving to do whatever he thought constituted as doing work.
With a sigh he slammed his locker shut and left the room. Emotions warring in his mind but he knew from years of practice that none of them showed on his face. Today was going to be a long day.
It was a long day. Stubborn patients, lazy coworkers and he could feel Joo-Ri’s gaze on him whenever she thought he wasn’t looking. It all made him eager to leave, he only spared a smile imagining Mun-Yeong’s anger if she were here to see it happen. He was always mine. She was so possessive of him and he didn’t know yet how he felt about it.
He drove home, not knowing which Mun-Yeong he would get after refusing her and not getting anymore messages from her prior to that. He sighed in relief knowing that her violent tendencies were spared when it came to him. Unless she was violently teasing him until he felt like his skin might combust from the embarrassment and.....lust. He didn’t know how to react around her she made him feel things that he had told himself years ago, he wasn’t allowed to feel.
While others were sharing secret kisses and going on dates, he was learning how to care for his brother. He couldn't abandon him for such trivial things. Eventually girls realized that he wasn’t playing hard to get, there was no getting. Then they stopped. No more coy looks from under lashes, no more pink cheeks and school girl giggles. They moved onto boys that could give them what they wanted.
His plan had worked.
Until Mun-Yeong. She was persistent and his desire for her too made it hard to keep pushing her way. Her full lips called out to him, they both had a habit for grabbing the others wrist and her wrist felt so small and delicate in his hand. One good pull and she would come tumbling into this arms and he could see if her bubble-gum pink lips were as sweet as they looked.
The sound of the front door opening snapped him out of his reprieve- that seemed to be happening to him a lot today. And like a manifestation of his own thoughts there she was, and fuck she looked hot. Unbelievably hot.
He had never seen her in jeans before and the denim stretched down her long legs, hugging her petite curves in all the right wrong ways. A black crop top wrapped around her flat stomach and made her breasts look full, small but a perfect handful. Her shoes were the flashiest part of her outfit, red stiletto heels with a heel that looked like it could kill a man. Her hair was wet and tousled for a perfect messy bedhead look.
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Her heels clicked as she started moving down the stairs, why was she moving in slow motion?
His tongue felt heavy in his mouth has she walked up to him. She stopped a few paces from him, not coming into his personal space like she normally would. When their eyes met the same lighting that always sparked between them, lit up but unlike the other times when she would move into his space like the big bad wolf. Her face was passive and she looked down at the keys in his hands.
“Give me the car keys” she said in that ridiculously sexy deep voice. He willed himself not to get hard, thinking about the patient that threw up on him to stop the blood from rushing down below. Up close he realized that her makeup was heavier than usual too. Dark smoky eyes with a winged liner as sharp as the knives she loved to collect and blood-red lips. He couldn’t stop thinking about kissing and smearing that lipstick everywhere.
As he stood there fantasizing about her as she stood there, he took a deep inhale of breath as she finally moved into his bubble but she was gone as quickly as she came. Snatching the keys from his slack hands.
She stepped around him and made to open the car door he had only just closed and he realized she did not intend to say anything more to him.
“Where are you going?” he asked his voice coarse with desire, she smelled amazing up close. Like cinnamon and something spicy that was irrefutably her.
She ignored him and opened the car door. His arm shot out and slammed it shut before his brain registered it planned to do that. It was minute but her small body jolted from the force that he used. He felt guilt for a second, he didn’t mean to scare her. He reached out to soothe her but before his hand could make contact, she backed up moving away from his touch for the first time ever.
“What’s wrong? Tell me where you’re going dressed like that.” He mentally celebrated when he saw her passive mask drop and righteous anger take its place.
“Move out of my way, I don’t need to answer your questions.”
“Mun-Yeong stop acting up.”
“Don’t give me orders!” He wasn’t ready for the bite behind her words. She was puffing with anger, chest rising quickly and he knew it wasn’t right but his eyes descended down to her chest. His mind provided a quick flash of how perfect her breasts would look bare, her nipples would be so pink and delicious.
It was so fast he almost missed it but he saw an answering flash of lust run across her face. She squirmed under this heavy gaze.
Her phone ringing cut through the tension like a knife. She answered it.
“Hello? Yes, I am on my way now. No. I can drive myself. I will see you soon. Goodbye, Daniel”
Daniel. DANIEL. Who the fuck was Daniel and why was he going to see his Mun-Yeong? He reached out and in a move that was completely out of character he grabbed her phone. She raged immediately reaching around him to get it back. Climbing his back in her quest to get it back. She was hot against his back.
“Don’t call this number again. She’s not coming” he said with finality before ending the call, before that not handsome punk could answer. She slumped on his back before sliding back onto her heeled feet. He turned around with fire in his eyes.
“You are going to meet THAT guy? Ko Mun-Yeong, he is a stranger. Are you crazy?!”
Her only response was to growl at him and wow that would sound amazing in bed as he entered her.
He didn’t know how to stop these thoughts now that they were out.
“Stay out of this. You don’t own me” she threw his words back at him. She was always doing that. It made him realize how stupid he was sometimes. The shock of hearing those words made him freeze and she used that time to enter the car and lock the door before he could stop her.
He spun around putting his hand on the glass and trying to make eye contact with her but she refused to meet his eyes. She pulled out of the make shift driveway like a bat out of hell.
He stood there feeling like the ground was crumbling beneath his feet.
“Don’t go.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She drove down the road before pulling over to breath. What was it about him that got under her skin? She didn’t think he would care about her going out after refusing to bring her food and basically shutting her down every time she claimed they were more. She knew it was because of his brother but she couldn’t carry this on her own.
He was great at coming to her rescue but once that was over, she was pushed away again and she would never admit this out loud but it hurt.
It hurts.
Her phone began to ring and she started the car and drove off. She was still hungry. She wanted beef. Rare. The blood would sate her anger.
She didn’t make any attempts to enter the house quietly. Gang-Tae sat on the stairs eyes piercing into her own. She looked back emotionlessly not sure why he was still up. He never sought her out after fights instead waiting for the next disaster he could save her from. He seemed different today and she wondered why.
“You’re home late”
“So? she retorted defiantly, smelling the fight brewing in the air and hungry for it.
“I asked you not to go. Why can’t you ever listen to me?”
Flashbacks of her mother scolding her forced there way into her mind. You must always listen to me. Be a good girl and always obey Mother. Her heartbeat was loud in her own ears. Her eyes were burning with her effort not to cry. His eyes softened as if her thoughts were visible. He made her feel naked.
His arms flexed as he used them to propel himself off the stairs and for another first he gently wrapped his arms around her waist.
“I was jealous. I am jealous” he grumbled putting his chin on her hair. And for once she was speechless. Why would he tell her that? Wasn’t he scared that she would use that as a weapon against him? He shouldn’t trust her she was a monster.
“You’re not a monster. “
“Then what am I?”
With hesitation he replied, “I wish you were mine.” Her head snapped up so hard that if he hadn’t moved back she would have headbutt him.
“Kiss me” She didn’t know what she would do if he denied her now. This moment seemed important, defining.
He surged forward and kissed her, closed mouth but hard as if he was trying to fuse into her. “Did he kiss you? Did you let him kiss you?” he whispered into her mouth seemingly terrified of the answer but needing to know.
“No.” He pushed her into the wall and she hadn’t realized that he had been cornering her in for a while. She pressed her tongue into his mouth and felt him melt into her, his body a hard line. His muscles pressing her against the wall. He seemed inexperienced with kissing this way but he made up for it with enthusiasm. He chased her tongue and played with her as she teased him. Licking into her like she was dessert and he was ravenous.
Should I just play with you?
“Mun-Yeong tell me to stop. Please. I can’t stop.”
She ignored his pleas instead wrapping her arms around his neck and he instinctively scooped her up. Big hands gripping her ass, squeezing and kneading the flesh. Moaning his approval into her mouth. She had never been this turned on. Nothing had ever been this good. They grinded against each other, she could feel his excitement pressing into her. She felt the hunger consume her again and she pushed him back.
He started to apologize even as his dick pointed out, begging for her attention. She fluidly slid to her knees. He gasped and froze in place. His eyes honed into her lips, watching her like she was both the predator and his prey. She licked her lips, never looking away from his eyes more expressive than she had ever seen them.
Beautiful.
The sound of his zipper descending was loud in the room. The only other sound was their pants for air.
“Do you want this?” She finally spoke and he shivered at the sound of her voice. She didn’t make anymore movements, for once patiently waiting for his answer.
She watched the war play across his face and wondered who would win? She busied herself biting at her own lips. His thumb pulled her lip from the grip of her teeth, tilting her face up towards him. “I want this, I know I shouldn’t but....”
She didn’t care about whatever self repressing reason he had. He wanted her. He had showed her before but now he was saying it.
She tugged his worn jeans down, too-soft from years of being worn and washed. His boxers did little to hide his erection. “Wow”
His blushed tinted his face and chest in a pretty red and she smirked up at him.
“You do it” She calmly commanded him and he looked confused, like she had just spoken to him him in English. “You have been holding back for all these years, I want you to do it. Show me what you want”
At his perplexed face she boldly took his penis out through the slit in his boxers and aimed it at her mouth but that was it, he hissed in pleasure. Breath speeding up at just her touch on his heated skin. She stopped and simply opened her mouth, eyes gleaming mischievously. The moment he understood what she meant was a beautiful epiphany.
He made no movement, besides the involuntary one his dick made that caused him to close his eyes in embarrassment. “Stop thinking with your head for once and think with this” She grabbed his dick for emphasis. He thrusted into her hand one, two times but seemed to lose his resolve again.
“He tried to kiss me. He grabbed me by my waist and told me he wanted to give me the world. He said I’m the sexiest woman he has ever seen.”
She watched every muscle in Gang-Tae’s body coil. His eyes which were always the window to his soul, said what the fuck did you say? and then he grabbed her hair.
“He can’t have you. You’re mine. I’m yours. You said it we go hand in hand!
“Then show me I’m yours. Make me forget about everyone but you. Do it!”
She was barely able to finish her sentence before her mouth was full. His taste exploded on her tongue and he was better than all the goods Sang-In had brought her. Once his dick was in her mouth, he was a man on a mission. She opened her mouth wider and let him have fun. He thrusted fast, then slow, then deep, then leaving only the tip.
He’s never done this before. He doesn’t know what he likes.
She let him use her mouth, happy to be the first person to do this with him.
Mine.
He found a rhythm that he seemed to like, deep and slow. She could feel every vein under the thin, hot skin and his precum leaked onto her tongue before she greedily swallowed it. That made his hips hitch forward suddenly and he momentarily slid down her throat. She pulled off slowly. Knowing the picture she made, on her knees with her red stained dick-plump lips. He picked her up as if she weighed nothing, she loved how strong he was.
He devoured her lips. dipping and licking his own taste out of her mouth. She felt them ascending and realized they were going up the stairs. He easily held her weight with one arm and used the other one to push open her bedroom door.
With four large steps, he dropped her on her bed watching her body bounce. His eyes zigzagged all over, seeming unsure of where he wanted to look. She pulled her shirt over her head and heard his gasp and threw her shirt to the side. His eyes settled on her chest, “You’re beautiful” he whispered with revere tinging every words.
She felt herself blushing, shocked that he was able to have that affect on her. He climbed onto the bed with her, using just his fingertips to caress her skin. He touched the top of her breast before moving down to her stomach, but eventually making his way back to her breast. She sat up and leaned forward silently giving him permission and he didn’t need anymore encouragement this time. He unhooked her bra, eyes wide as her breast came into view.
Under his intense gaze, she felt a fleeting desire to cover herself. Before doing the opposite and laying her hands to the side, fully displaying herself to his hungry eyes. He leaned down and kissed her breast, too gently. So she whispered “Harder” and his mouth consumed her nipple and she threw her head back from the blinding pleasure. Behind the buzzing that filled her ears, she could hear him as if he were miles away “so pink, you’re so pink” and she had no idea what he was talking about but she needed him to keep going.
He palmed her breast that wasn’t in his mouth and she reached down to grab his erection, it felt harder than before it that was possible. She twisted at the top gathering the fluid there and using it to ease her way, up and down his length. He bite down on her nipple as she made a corkscrew motion at the top. He ripped her jeans off her body and she hadn’t noticed when exactly he had even unbuttoned her pants.
He slid down her body and she groaned in annoyance at losing her grip on his dick, it was her new favorite toy. So perfect and hard, she couldn’t wait to have it inside her.
“What are you doing?” She panted looking down and seeing him just looking , his jaw was slack and his pupil was wide and she just watched him as he stared at her covered pussy. What seemed like a lifetime later, he pulled her panties down. They were white and lace. She shivered at the puff of hot air that hit her and she felt herself get wetter. He curiously tasted her with a kitten-like lick that made her mind short circuit. He must have liked what he tasted because after the first lick, he spread her open and took a greedy lick the second time.
His strong arms splayed her open to his mercy and he was a quick learner, he quickly dissected that she liked broad licks and extra attention on her clit. This was the best thing that had ever been done to her body. She almost didn’t hear his quiet question, “Can I...Mun- Yeong can I...fuck you?”
She couldn’t believe that he had been able to say the words. She almost wanted to stop and applaud. But she saved her teasing because when she finally opened her eyes he was hovering above her, his penis so hard it was flat on his stomach and it had leaked an idecent amount of precum. Glossy in the pale moonlight. If only she had been a painter instead of an author.
“How do you want me?” She continued to press his comfort level, but she was also genuinely curious. She knew he was a virgin before all this, she wanted anything he wanted. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, before laying down and dragging her on top of him. He blushed up at her but there was a glint of determination in his strong jaw.
“I want to see you. I want to see your eyes when we do it.”
She didn’t answer verbally, choosing instead to grind herself down on him. Slipping across his groin, dragging her wetness over him. Feeling him slip into her folds and shuddering at the heat. She lifted her hips up before finding his hard erection and holding it, ready.
“Wait don’t we need a .....condom?”
She shook her head no. She had been on birth control as soon as it was allowed.
“I want to feel you”
That answer rendered him without words and he gripped her hips in his huge hands, helping her lift up before the world momentarily went white. She knew she should take it slow but as soon as she felt him inside, the beast burst out of the cage. She placed her hands on his broad chest and slammed down onto him, riding him hard. Snapping her body back to bring him deeper in.
He was an absolute mess beneath her, shaking his head no, begging her to slow down while he contrarily met her thrust for thrust and fucked her like the world was ending. She fell on his chest and he immediately wrapped her in his arms and continued to rock up into her velvety, wetness. Panting in her ears.
“You feel so good. So good, please, please”
She knew that he was close from the pistoning of his hips, the sound of their skins smacking filled the room.
“Don’t hold back, fuck me harder. Don’t stop!”
He flipped them over, pressing her arms about her head, she made a mental note that she liked that. Really liked it.
“Say my name, Say I’m yours”
“Gang-Tae, Gang-tae, you’re mine. I’m yours. I...”
No. Not now. But it was enough to push him over the edge and she was so confused on his pleasure that she forgot about herself until she felt his fingers rub her clit in a circle motion and she too stumbled over the deep end.
His body tightened and he pressed deeply inside her, her walls clenching around him.
“Sex feels amazing.”
His sudden admission sent her into a fit of giggles, and soon he was laughing too and he fell on the bed from his laughter. Their laughter boomed in the room, now eerily quiet without their sex sounds.
Zzzzzzzzztttttt
She looked over and saw him looking down at the floor at whatever was vibrating, before leaning over and picking it up.
Her cellphone. It must have fell out of her pocket when he ripped her pants off.
He opened her phone without her permission and they needed to have a talk because only she was allowed to do that.
“It’s that punk. He’s sad you couldn’t make it.” He looked at her with glaring eyes. “I thought you went out with him”
“I lied. I got beef by myself and then came home.”
He looked upset before laughing again. Then he reached over and flicked her on the forehead.
“Ow what the hell!”
“I’m deleting his number” and she rolled over and pressed her naked body against him, not caring about whatever his name is.
She felt his penis plump up after a moment of cuddling him naked, “Stop being so horny, I’m tired now” she whined.
He stroked her back before his hand trailed down to her butt.
“This is all your fault” he answered before dragging her into a languid kiss and rolling on top of her. “You pulled my safety pin, this is the result.”
He exploded all night.
#it's okay to not be okay#psycho but it's okay#ko moon young#moon gang tae#fanfic#smut#kdrama#iotnbofic#psycho but it's okay fanfiction#filthy gutter trash#send me requests I'm in a giving mood
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round up // JULY 21
‘Tis the season to beat the heat at the always-cold theatres and next to fans set at turbo speed. While my movie watching slowed a bit with the launch of the Summer Olympics on July 23rd, I’ve still got plenty of popcorn-ready and artsy recommendations for you. A few themes in the new-to-me pop culture I’m recommending this month:
Casts oozing with embarrassing levels of talent (sometimes overqualified for the movies they’re in)
Pop culture that is responding or reinterpreting past pop culture
Stories that get weEeEeird
Keep on-a-scrollin’ to see which is which!
July Crowd-Pleasers
1. Double Feature – ‘90s Rom-Coms feat. Lots of Lies: Mystery Date (1991) + The Pallbearer (1996)
In Mystery Date (Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 6/10), Ethan Hawke and Teri Polo get set up on a blind date that gets so bizarre and crime-y I’m not sure how this didn’t come out in the ‘80s. In The Pallbearer (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10), David Schwimmer and Gwyneth Paltrow try to combine The Graduate with Four Weddings and a Funeral in a story about lost twentysomethings. If you don’t like rom-coms in which circumstances depend on lots of lies and misunderstandings, these won’t be your jam, but if you’re like me and don’t mind these somewhat-cliché devices, you’ll be hooked by likeable casts and plenty of rom and com.
2. The Tomorrow War (2021)
I thought of no fewer movies than this list while watching: Alien, Aliens, Angel Has Fallen, Cloverfield, Interstellar, Kong: Skull Island, Prometheus, A Quiet Place: Part II, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith, The Silence of the Lambs, The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and World War Z. And you know what? I like all those movies! (Okay, maybe I just have a healthy respect/fear of The Silence of the Lambs.) The Tomorrow War may not be original, but it borrows some of the best tropes and beats from the sci-fi and action genres, so much so I wish I could’ve seen Chris Pratt and Co. fight those gross monsters on a big screen. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6/10
3. Dream a Little Dream (1989)
My July pick for the Dumb Rom-Com I Nevertheless Enjoyed! I CANNOT explain the mechanics of this body switch comedy to you—nor can the back of the DVD case above—but, boy, what an ‘80s MOOD. I did not know I needed to see a choreographed dance routine starring Jason Robards and Corey Feldman, but I DID. All I know is some movies are made for me and that I’m now a card-carrying member of the Two Coreys fan club. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 6.5/10
4. Black Widow (2021)
The braids! The Pugh! Black Widow worked for me both as an exciting action adventure and as a respite from the Marvel adventures dependent on a long memory of the franchise. (Well, mostly—keep reading for a second MCU rec much more dependent on the gobs of previous releases.) Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10
5. Liar Liar (1997)
Guys, Jim Carrey is hilarious. That’s it—that’s the review. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10
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6. Sob Rock by John Mayer (2021)
It’s very possible I’ve already listened to this record more than all other John Mayer records. It doesn’t surpass the capital-G Greatness of Continuum, but it’s a little bit of old school Mayer, a little bit ‘80s soft rock/pop, and I’ve had it on repeat most of the two weeks since it’s been out. Featuring the boppiest bop that ever bopped, at least one lyrical gem in every track, and an ad campaign focused on Walkmans, this record skirts the line between Crowd faves and Critic-worthy musicianship.
7. Double Feature – ‘00s Ben Affleck Political Thrillers: The Sum of All Fears (2002) + State of Play (2009)
In The Sum of All Fears (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), Ben Affleck is Jack Ryan caught up in yet another international incident. In State of Play (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10), he’s a hotshot Congressman caught up in a scandal. Both are full of plot twists and unexpected turns, and in both, Affleck is accompanied by actors you’re always happy to see, like Jason Bateman, James Cromwell, Russell Crowe, Jeff Daniels, Viola Davis, Morgan Freeman, Philip Baker Hall, David Harbour, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, Liev Schreiber, and Robin Wright—yes, I swear all of those people are in just those two movies.
8. Loki (2021-)
Unlike Black Widow, you can’t go into Loki with no MCU experience. The show finds clever ways to nudge us with reminders (and did better at it than Falcon and the Winter Soldier), but be forewarned that at some point, you’re just going to have to let go and accept wherever this timeline-hopper is taking you. An ever-charismatic cast keeps us grounded (Owen Wilson, Jonathan Majors, and an alligator almost steal the show from Tom Hiddleston in some eps), but while Falcon lasted an episode or two too long, Loki could’ve used a few more to flesh out its complicated plot and develop its characters. Thankfully, the jokes matter almost as much as the sci-fi, so you can still have fun even if you have no idea what’s going on.
9. Double Feature – Bruce Willis: Die Hard With a Vengeance (1995) + The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
Before Bruce Willis began starring in many random direct-to-DVD movies I only ever hear about in my Redbox emails, he was a Movie Star smirking his way up the box office charts. In the third Die Hard (Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), he teams up with Samuel L. Jackson to decipher the riddles of a terrorist madman (Jeremy Irons), and it’s a thrill ride. In The Whole Nine Yards (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10), he’s hitman that screws up dentist Matthew Perry’s boring life in Canada, and—aside from one frustrating scene of let’s-objectify-women-style nudity—it’s hilarious.
10. This Is the End (2013)
On paper, this is not a movie for me. An irreverent stoner comedy about a bunch of bros partying it up before the end of the world? None of things are for Taylors. But with a little help of a TV edit to pare down the raunchy and crude bits, I laughed my way through and spent the next several days thinking through its exploration of what makes a good person. While little of the plot is accurate to Christian Gospel and theology, some of its big ideas are consistent enough with the themes of the book of Revelation I found myself thinking about it again in church this morning. (Would love to know if Seth Rogen ever expected that.) Plus, I love a good self-aware celebrity spoof—can’t tell you how many times I’ve just laughed remembering the line, “It’s me, Jonah Hill, from Moneyball”—and an homage to horror classics. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10
July Critic Picks
1. Summer of Soul (…or, When the Television Could Not Be Televised) (2021)
Even director Questlove didn’t know about the Harlem Cultural Festival, but now he’s compiled the footage so we can all enjoy one of the coolest music fest lineups ever, including The 5th Dimension, B.B. King, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Nina Simone, Sly and the Family Stone, and Stevie Wonder, who made my friend’s baby dance more than once in the womb. See it on the big screen for top-notch audio. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10
2. Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)
Robin Williams takes on the bureaucracy, disillusionment, and malaise of the Vietnam War with comedy. Williams was a one-of-a-kind talent, and here it’s on display at a level on par with Aladdin. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10
3. Against the Rules Season 2 (2020-21)
Michael Lewis (author of Moneyball, adapted into a film starring Jonah Hill), is interested in how we talk about fairness. This season he looks at how coaches impact fairness in areas like college admissions, credit cards, and youth sports.
4. Bugsy Malone (1976)
A gangster musical starring only children? It’s a little like someone just picked ideas out of a hat, but somehow it works. You can hear why in the Bugsy Malone episode Kyla and I released this month on SO IT’S A SHOW?, plus how this weird artifact of a film connects with Gilmore Girls.
5. The Queen (2006)
Before The Crown, Peter Morgan wrote The Queen, focusing on Queen Elizabeth II (Helen Mirren) in the days following the death of Princess Diana. It’s a complex and compassionate drama, both for the Queen and for Prime Minister Tony Blair (Michael Sheen, who has snuck up on me to become a favorite character actor). Maybe I’ve got a problem, but I’ll never tire of the analysis of this famous family. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9.5/10
6. The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)
This month at ZekeFilm, we took a closer look at Revisionist Westerns we’ve missed. I fell hard for Roy Bean, and I think you will, too, if for no other reason than you might like a story starring Jacqueline Bisset, Ava Gardner, John Huston, Paul Newman, and Anthony Perkins. Oh, and a bear! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 10/10
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7. New Trailer Round Up
Naked Singularity (Aug. 6) – John Boyega in a crime thriller!
Queenpins (Aug. 10) – A crime comedy about extreme coupon-ing!
Dune (Oct. 1) – I’ve been cooler on the anticipation for this film, but this new look has me cautiously intrigued thanks to the Bardem + Bautista + Brolin + Chalamet + Ferguson + Isaac + Momoa + Zendaya of it all.
The Last Duel (Oct. 15) – Affleck! Damon! Driver!
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (Nov. 11) - I’m not sure why we need this, but I’m down for the Paul Rudd + Finn Wolfhard combo
King Richard (Nov. 19) - Will Smith as Venus and Serena’s father!
Encanto (Nov. 24) – Disney and Lin-Manuel Miranda making more magic together!
House of Gucci (Nov. 24) - Gaga! Pacino! Driver!
Also in July…
Kyla and I took a look at the classic supernatural soap Dark Shadows and why Sookie might be obsessed with it on Gilmore Girls.
I revisited a so-bad-it’s-good masterpiece that’s a surrealist dream even Fellini couldn’t have cooked up. Yes, for ZekeFilm I wrote about the Vanilla Ice movie, Cool as Ice, which is now a part of my Blu-ray collection.
Photo credits: Against the Rules. All others IMDb.com.
#Round Up#Mystery Date#The Pallbearer#The Tomorrow War#Dream a Little Dream#Black Widow#Liar Liar#Bugsy Malone#Sob Rock#John Mayer#Sob Rock John Mayer#The Sum of All Fears#State of Play#Loki#The Whole Nine Yards#Summer of Soul#Good Morning Vietnam#Against the Rules#The Life and Time of Judge Roy Bean#Die Hard With a Vengeance#This Is the End#The Queen
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Fluffy Lamb? What if there is outbreak of plague and Lambert is near Oxenfurt, and he knows Geralt has made a run to KM with Ciri (because she still can get infected). But WITCHERS can't, so he rides in and manages to find Jaskier in the utter chaos and get him out, bringing him to KM in time. He never before met the man, but he knows the stories, and he is not surprised when Geralt cries happy tears seeing his friend safe.
I so in love with good brother Lambert! He is a pissy little prick, but hell if he doesn’t love his brothers nonetheless! So when he hears about the plague and assumes he will have plenty of work, he resigns himself to continue travelling. Witchers don’t get ill anyway. He is close to Oxenfurt by the time he hears about Geralt retreating to Kaer Morhen to protect Ciri, but hears nothing about his bard which is... curious. The man is always silent but much to his and Eskel’s amusement he never shuts up about the stupid human, so Lambert goes to investigate.
Much to his dismay, Jaskier is very much still in the city despite the chaos. He is couped up in his office at the academy, hiding away as best he can from people when Lambert comes bustling in like he owns the place. Like to imagine he just sort of... stares. What the fuck does the witcher want from him? Did Geralt do something incredibly stupid again and he has to act like some bargain price? When asked if he’s the White Wolf’s bard, Jaskier nods and then he is pretty much dragged away without a word and hoisted up on the man’s horse.
Lambert explains the whole deal as they are out and away from the city, just one day at anger management group therapy away from punching the man unconscious from the way he bullies him for caring so dearly about his brother. I imagine it’s quite interesting for him to travel with the bard all the way to Kaer Morhen, ready to give Geralt a good word about having the human walk everywhere while he is propped up on Roach the entire time as well as the fact that he has to start appreciate Jaskier’s raunchy songs. They are hilarious, Geralt. Stop being a prude.
Finally at the gates, Lambert is just about to stable his stallion when he can hear Geralt catch his breath from across the courtyard, sees the witcher barreling across it and pounce on the bard like an animal. They end up in a pile on the ground, Geralt nuzzling close to him like he’s pack and sniffing him all over to ensure he isn’t ill, purring as he finds nothing. He let’s them have a moment as he gets his horse settled before the three enter the keep.
And Lambert is a good brother, so he doesn’t tease Geralt for the happy tears in his eyes.
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