#keep thinking ppl dont like me much and just answer cuz they feel like they have to
Text
Not little rant pls ignoreee
Literally giving you so much time to scroll past
Stop scrolling
Well you asked for it:
Im feeling kinda lonely here :/
There's moots and blogs I like that are so talented and cool so obv they get a lot of asks and interactions
They all must be getting them cuz they do something, right
What do I even do here?
I reblog sfuff.
I know that reblogs mean a lot to the writers but still.
I've literally posted one headcanon but that was from some surge of confidence and I don't like anything I've sort of written other than that. Ones with serious topics and scenarios. I'm not good at conveying that stuff. My writing is like an examination essay, pretty bad with bringing emotions and more descriptive.I have ideas but I'm not good at writing.
Idk what to make edits and gifs.
I dont do those 'relatable thoughts' that I see everywhere.
Am I even worth much to the people I interact with? Probably not tbh there's nothing great abt me
The one I was closest to here for the most was aster but then she deactivated suddenly and I didn't even know why so I had to ask rin.... It sounds stupidly selfish but I just wish aster had let me know before she left bcz it was such a shock. I was gonna ask her smthg and I went to our messages and it said it was deactivated.
It was just a lot to process and I miss her a lot.
I'm not rly doing anything worthwhile here tho am I?
What do I bring to this platform?
Nothing really
I do moodboards sometimes but I haven't for like two months cuz it takes quite a bit of time and patience and I don't have that kind of stuff rn
It feels pretty pathetic actually, to see your moots posting awesome stuff that literally move my soul while I do nothing.
I suppose sometimes I may make them happy a bit
Maybe
I always try my best to leave feedback on all writing works I read and I know how much that means to them
I've only posted one thing and the few reblogs I got and their tags mean so much so I wanna do that for others.
But it feels.... Weird and sad to be this unproductive here.
Kinda feels like I don't belong in a place like this where there are so many talented creative wonderful people.
I'm not rly thinking about it but, if I deactivated my blog, what great thing will be gone with me? Moots may be a bit :( but they'll definitely find many another blogs that are equally cool to interact with right? Right.
Ok well that was the most I've ever showed my feelings here... Weirdddd
#feels like im the one reaching out to interact most of the time.... does that mean ppl dont wanna interact with me#cld just be me and my self depreciating and bombarding ways#keep thinking ppl dont like me much and just answer cuz they feel like they have to#like... i see moots getting a lotta asks and interactions and stuff#probably cuz i dont post fics right#cuz then you get a lot more traction and boost which leads to more interactions?#i dont wanna be that annoying person that keeps bugging people#~bell rants#prolly delete later
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・❥・- just for you.
summary: kate takes her anger out on you after a hard loss. (more gentle tho cause she doesn’t have the heart to hurt you 😞😞😞) + lil bit of aftercare at the end ;3
warnings: 18+ ASFUCK! SMUT MDNI! strap on use… lol
RPF!
a/n: ik i been lacking recently but i’ve grown some more motivation to do something since i’m kinda stuck at home. also almost broke my arm yesterday hahah 🥸 also not much dialogue tbh i’ve never been good at that cuz i dont talk to ppl 😭 AND i didn’t know how to end sozzzzzz!!!!
it was the toughest lost of kate’s college career, especially considering the fact that it was her last year at UOI. the only thing she wanted was to have the championship title, just once. but the team couldn’t do it.
you saw her put all her blood sweat and tears onto that court. the way she tried to make as many shots, as many blocks as she could, and as many fouls as she could draw. the way you watched her cry while she walked into the tunnel absolutely broke you.
when she got home the air between you two grew extremely thick. you couldn’t tell if she was angry or even over it at all. she wasn’t crying, just real quiet. and being the good girlfriend you were, you didn’t bother to push any of her buttons, no matter how much you wanted to just keep her company.
kate would either be sitting on the couch, on her phone, continuously walking around the apartment, sitting in random spots on the floor, in the kitchen. she’d be anywhere and everywhere. all she wanted to do was get her mind off of it, for a little bit.
“are you okay?” you speak amidst the quiet environment that had been lingering for god knows how many hours. you didn’t try to speak either because it felt like she’d just ignore you or give you a nasty look cause she wasn’t feeling so good about it. “i’m fine.” kate murmurs and looks up at you from the clasped hands on her face. the tone she gives you makes it known that she isn’t.
“yeah, right.” a scoff leaves from your lips and the mood changes almost immediately. your eyes dart towards kate and the look that she’s giving you makes it feel like a million daggers are being dug into your back. her face stiffens up and so does your body when you realize that she’s 100% angry.
you know that it isn’t your fault, but now it really feels like it was. “do you think that’s funny or something?” when you hear that, it’s obvious that you’ve fucked up. you can’t muster up anything in response cause you know that it’ll make it worse. not for her, but for you.
but there’s just something about kate that drives you insane when she’s fired up.
“no.” you swallow.
“exactly! don’t fuckin’ go around and laugh about it, if it isn’t funny! are we clear?”
she grunts and lets out a heavy breath when you stand there all quiet and unresponsive. she hates that. its the one thing that makes kate tick the most, other than losing a game that important to her. “answer me.”
you don’t respond. and the look of anger on kate’s face grows much more apparent. “c’mon!” she groans and quickly slides off of the bed. her fingers grip at the collar of your shirt, her rapid breaths brushing harshly against your face.
she tugs your body up against hers and a small whine escapes from in between your lips. kate is giving those eyes that make you shiver all over the place. “y- yes, we’re clear…” you choke out and look away. you can’t stand seeing her angry but its also the fact that it turns you on too.
your voice makes it seem like you aren’t very sincere about saying that though, and that makes her tick even more. kate’s teeth grit together and a sharp breath makes its way through them, her fingers inching closer towards the waistband of your jeans.
“yeah? you sure?” kate teases and starts to unbutton them. her voice deepens and the cold air that meets your now exposed skin makes the shivers feel more like a billion daggers going through your body. her hands cup your waist, a newfound lust taking over the look in kate’s eyes. “doesn’t seem so sincere…” she husks out.
“i mean it! god, you can’t believe me even when i mean it the most.” you sigh and stare at the jeans puddling around your feet. when you bend over to pick them back up and put them on again, kate’s fingers wrap around your sleeve and she pulls you up, drawing a quiet ‘tsk’ sound from your mouth. “just… let me fuck your brains out until i get you to really mean it.”
she tugs you up against her again, her front subtly grinding against yours. and now you can actually feel it. her stupid fucking strap. your eyes dart towards hers momentarily before they inch away. the embarrassment you feel is incredibly strong. you’re wet, and now you can’t even look her in the eyes.
before you even get a chance to speak, kate’s hand falls on the dip of your back and you’re face first into the foot of the mattress. the side of your head presses against it again to get a breather, the sound of kate unzipping her jeans rapidly, and the tip of the strap making contact with your body.
one of her hands grabs both of yours and pins them backwards, the other hand trailing up and down your body and towards the waistband of your panties. in one swift movement, they’re off and on the floor. you have no clue where, but they’re somewhere in that room. as much as you’re trying to resist, you can’t
“c’mon, baby. don’t fight it, please.” kate pleads and leans over your body to bury her face into your neck. her teeth dig into the side of it and you let out a wince, struggling to move your hands while she keeps them in a lock. kate’s breath tickles at your skin while she pulls away, the hand she has on your waist moving away to line herself up with your entrance.
she doesn’t even give you a warning before she slides in. the only thing that makes it known that you’re getting absolutely filled up is the groan kate lets out when she goes in all the way. you let out a huge whimper and eventually start to feel it. “fuck!… oh my god.” you babble and feel kate leaning toward your face again, her breathing hitting your skin, leaving behind dark marks on the base of your neck.
the more you moan and whine into the sheets, the more it fuels her to keep going. she thrusts into you as hard as she can, her hand letting go of the two she’s been holding, and yanks at your hair to pull your head up. “you fuckin’ feel that, baby? that’s all for you.” kate grunts, smashing her lips against yours and pulling your hair again. “just for you..” a hurried ‘mhm’ escapes your lips, your voice left limited.
your whimpers mix into the kiss as you constantly punch at the bed the harder she drives into you. her teeth tug at your bottom lip and your head moves away the more you feel yourself start to sweat uncontrollably. hair sticks to the side of your head and to your forehead, kate gently brushing them out of your face to keep that prolonged eye contact.
“you’re so beautiful, i swear.”
“hmphh—! you’re going too-“
you get cut off the second you feel the turns in your stomach and the blood rush to your face. that familiar feeling burns brightly in your belly and the knot that had been there forever finally becomes undone. you end up finishing, the overwhelming sensation dying down almost instantly.
kate rolls off of you and notices the water buildup in your eyes, her thumbs running across the bottom of them to wipe them away. she lets out a small sigh and scoots a little bit closer to you, eyeing down the hickeys she left on your skin. “i’m sorry, baby.” she whispers softly and cups your face with her palms.
her lips connect onto your neck and she peppers gentle kisses all over each hickey. the contrast from her rough nature to eventually turning into that natural soft, sweet woman you fell in love with the second she sees you like this. “let me fix you a warm bath, okay? for the troubles.” she whispers in between smooches, her hand snaking up your shirt, and her nails dragging softly against your back.
“duh. you know just how i like it.”
“why would i not.” she lets out a scoff and pulls away quickly, a small smile crossing her face when you agree. “was that a scoff?” you mutter and raise your eyebrows. hers do too, and her lips narrow into a straight line. “what about it?”
well, that was the small thing that got you here in the first place.
#be gentle abt this one i know it lowk sucks#kate martin#kate martin x reader#wcbb x you#wbb x reader#wcbb x reader
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hiiii :3 I noticed ur one (of a few) ppl who ships boniji on tumblr, and I wanna know if you know any accounts/artists who ships them so I could follow them to satiate my boniji fixation >.< Also, some bocchi x nijika questions I wanna personally ask: what songs do you recommend that reminds you of them? Also, what are some boniji fanfics you recommend/like? I probably already read most of their fics but I wanna know what others like. Lastly, ur personal boniji headcanons if you don't mind sharing... 👉👈
I only ask blogs rarely cuz I'm shy so no need to answer immediately...
I'm just brainrotting over boniji so much! im so normal about them (◔‿◔)
AWAWAWA i love boniji like so much like too much like its become my main personality trait!
but youre right!!! it feels like boniji fans are mostly japan natives and there dont seem to be many english speaking boniji fans! ohhh i wish there was more of a following! imagine a boniji zine in the west! i would pay money to get involved with that
im kind of embarrassed about shoving my ships in ppls faces all the time and this might get long and its just me like rambling about my OTP so like .. gona put it under a read more lol. seriously this post is like almost 2k words long thats longer than my average fanfic chapter
i hate to be a shill but im going to be a shill for my fic recommendations:
ive been working on a lowkey corny boniji hanahaki fic on AO3 and some other oneshots, so maybe you would be willing to check my own stuff out?? (if u want .-. im really amateur with this stuff despite being an art student lol) its been on hiatus for like half a year but im just adhd af and keep restarting. im still working on it frequently tho and im secretly hoping to start updating on a consistent basis soon.
but i also liked fics like "Midnight and Daydreams" and "Bubblegum Detergent" and "A Sellout Night" and "Just Enough to be Enough" and "A Kiss is Not A Cure". MANNN i remember that last one fucked me up bad when it was posted. it was only the second ever dedicated boniji fic and like I LOVE angst but with how small the sample size of fics was at the time it was like AUFHAUIJKADGF. all those fics are super super good though! i also love the third one, i love the trans bocchi HC personally
umm as far songs songs tho, i guess the ones i associate with boniji most are:
"veil" by keina suda, i remember drafting some animatic for an angsty AU of Hitori living on post-Kessoku
"STEP&CLAP" by yoshino aoyama (aka yoppi aka bocchis VA <3), i think yoppi making the song speaks for itself but its a rly cute song and i love thinking of Hitori and Nijika like tap dancing to it?? check out the rest of yoppi's debut album too!! her voice is so pretty and i was so happy finding out that there are 11 songs with her voice, instead of the 1 from the anime
idk why but i also think of them a lot when listening to PMMM's ost by yuki kaijuri, like "desiderium" and "not yet" and "mada dame yo"? these r kinda a stretch though but idk!!
i also like compiling music that reminds me of them into spotify playlists, if youd like some inspiration for your own! this one and also this angstier one
i have a lot of boniji headcanons but i feel like its hard for me to like list them all in one spot because they usually come to me with context during relevant conversations?? but ill list whatever i can think of!:
this ones not necessarily boniji but i was thinking about it like an hour ago, but i really like the idea of Seika being a huge boniji supporter. like in the source material she already finds Bocchi really cute, so I get the impression she would really like to be an older sister figure for Bocchi (and probably gets jealous of Kikuri for holding that spot in Bocchi's life lol), and so Nijika being a potential love interest for Bocchi would make Seika double down hard on supporting boniji. she'd probably be the one who brings Bocchi up to Nijika more than Nijika would bring her up to Seika?? i also like to imagine that for Seika she has a similar complex to Yoyoko. but instead of "Bocchi is stealing my spot as Hiroi's younger sister figure," it would be "Kikuri is stealing my spot as Bocchi's older sister figure" LOL . if that makes any sense at all
this ones actually taken from a japanese twitter user, but they moved on from boniji after the anime ended. but they had some headcanons that REALLY stuck with me. my favorite was the idea that Bocchi and Nijika both have inferiority complexes with one another. iirc their (translated) words were along the lines of "Bocchi thinks of Nijika as a pure, comforting light in her life, one that could be muddied if Bocchi got involved with her. On the other hand, Nijika thinks of Bocchi as a reliable hero who outshines an ordinary girl like her." i just REALLY like it. it also reminds me of this conversation that Yoppi and Suzushiro had on the BTR podcast, about Bocchi and Nijika's first meeting! like nijika literally brought light into Bocchi's life awdsfsgdhgfjh
actually that same user above also made a tweet that is the reason why i associate Keina Suda's "veil" with boniji! they made a tweet about an AU idea, where, in the event that Nijika would ever pass away, Seika would give Bocchi her ribbon, which Hitori would wear from that point onwards as she continues to play music to honor Nijika's memory. they also suggested that in the opposite event of Hitori passing away, Nijika would possibly do something very rash out of despair but thats dark hahaha!!!!
i kinda think this goes without saying and i think its actually a fairly common HC for BTR characters in general, but I can definitely see Bocchi being trans
I like to imagine that shortly after Volume 2, Bocchi and Nijika would probably have another conversation
eventually, i'm sure if Bocchi and Nijika pursued a relationship that they'd eventually move in together (or like into the same room? if Kessoku Band had a sharehouse?), and since both Bocchi and Nijika tend to be minimalistic with their room decor, their shared room would again become filled with a ton of Ryo's clothes and items and instruments, like how Nijika's room at Seika's apartment is
i think they'd both end up being really touchy with each other, especially when nervous? Bocchi kind of already does this when she's in new places (eg bringing Kita to Shimokitazawa, or going to FOLT for the first time and being dragged by Nijika), but I think it would grow to them finding comfort with each other?
idk if this is necessarily a HC but i really like how Bocchi and Nijika emotionally support each other, even in source. Nijika is shown to have a really good read on Bocchi (to the point of Bocchi worrying that Nijika is actually a psychic), knowing Bocchi's common thought processes, and picking up from Bocchi's mother during her first visit to Kanazawa that karaage chicken can bring Bocchi out of her anxiety attacks, and seems to be the only character who actually comments on Bocchi's growth as an individual and actively tries to facilitate it; but she also doesn't lovebomb Bocchi with praise, striking what seems to be a good balance for pushing Bocchi but also being a reliable confidant for her too.
one of my favorite details from the anime that i really feel doesnt get talked about as often as it should is when Nijika finally notices that Bocchi is guitarhero! she definitely wasn't the first to notice (Seika noticed first, but it seemed like Seika only knew about guitarhero via Nijika. When she notices that Bocchi's playing sounds familiar, her thought process immediately goes towards wondering why Nijika isn't noticing, and then she just tells them to get back to work) but she was the first one that Bocchi admits it too.
but my favorite part is how Bocchi says that she wanted to change and grow as a person before telling them the truth, and she says that she especially wanted to grow before Nijika in particular found out! its just really cute, i love how Bocchi was worried about disappointing Nijika. and i like how, after some growth, Bocchi's dream turns from "becoming popular" to "making Kessoku Band the best band it can be" which is like almost basically the same as Nijika's dream! and so it's really nice when Bocchi doubles down on that goal by not remotely entertaining the idea of leaving Kessoku Band, even when goaded by promises of popularity.
last headcanon! because i ran out of thoughts and just came up with this on the spot. but i also like the idea that as the years go on, Bocchi and Nijika in particular may kind of become more similar in personality. i mean, they'd definitely still be distinctly them, but i like to think that Bocchi would eventually start picking up more optimistic habits and stop grimacing all the time, while Nijika would eventually become a little more lax and not reflexively try to dismiss her own negative feelings via looking at the silver lining. i thought of that when Nijika kinda dismisses her family dynamics with her mother's passing and her father's neglect after Kessoku's first real performance, as well as Nijika seeming to admit after inhaling Bocchi Dust(?) during her and Kita's Kanazawa visit that some of her optimism is performative
ok another one Nijika seems to have her art skills commented on sometimes so i like to imagine she has doodles of Bocchi in her sketchbook (alongside everyone else but mostly Bocchi). like think of like Miles Morales drawing a ton of Gwen Stacy like that kinda deal but with Nijika drawing Bocchi. and like Bocchi finds the sketchbook and Nijika freaks out and Bocchi actually doesnt look bc she doesnt want to do something wrong. but then Ryo or Kita take it and look instead and then show Bocchi and Bocchi melts into a flustered puddle
wowwow this got long! sorry! i really mean it when im like OBSESSED with these two like i think ive thought about them on a daily basis ever since the episode aired where Nijika bought Bocchi a cola. isnt that cute, too!? she picked up on Bocchi's favorite soda so quickly! and her buying a box of energy drinks for Bocchi despite not understanding why at all! girlfriend behavior
i really really want to make more boniji content, i'd like to be more active in posting my fics and drabbles and drawings, someday soon. right now most of my boniji content is just illegible sketches in my sketchbook lol
also thank u so much for like sending this ask im like BEGGING internally all the time to be given the chance to talk about them! i dont think theyre like a rarepair or anything, especially with them seeming to be like the second most popular BTR ship in japan, but i do think that not many people talk to them in the english side of the fandom! theyre super super cute and have really good chemistry.
this entire post is probably like a total carwreck i hope its even readable
ill also use this post as an excuse to post my own HCs for a Kessoku Band's relations chart. it's a bonus for reading this far. i'm sorry for draining 22 HP from you with this brain dump
#can i tag this#IM TAGGING THIS#boniji#bocchi the rock!#headcanons#hitori gotoh#nijika ijichi#hitori gotou#uhh what else would i tag. ...#my fanfic is in this#i really. really really REAAAAALLY like boniji#bocchi wants a cosplayer gf and the next day nijika starts fuckign cosplaying#what a coincidence#crazy right#long post#under the read more
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A lot of people seem to not like the manga as a starting point but its what hooked me. I saw will stetsons lost time memory and I was like "what???" "thats it???" and found the rest with my brother at like 2am. the mangas slow fun pace that is instantly cut off by horror is fun, the flashbacks are great characterization.... the only part i didn't like was the dissonance between Harutaka in mangaroute1 and mangaroute2.
it was a bit confusing.
anyway do you prefer the anime or manga's version of takane as she seems to be your favorite character. (for me its gotta be the manga, the anime just did not do it)
the manga is what hooked me too! back in january 2014, there was tiny vinnie binging all the songs and what was available of the manga at the time in just one day...
i think the reason ppl dont recommend the manga as a starting point is the second manga route. personally, i recommend the manga as a starting point but only until volume 4 after the route we start with is over. and then i'd come back to second manga route when im done with everything else!! my kagepro recommendation is 1. songs 2. manga until everyone dies lol 3. novels 4. finish the manga 5. anime.
the thing with the manga is that it doesnt rly go into what the normal route is for very long. we keep saying second manga route but its like, idk MOST of the manga is that route.
i do like the manga for the same reasons as u, but sometimes im a little eh bc of mahiro sato's obvious knkd shipping and stuff lol. and i did write a whole bigass answer abt why i hate what happens to takane's character in haruka's arc in the second route. otherwise i dont mind the difference all that much. and i love her as ene in the rest of it. its just a few things that drive me crazy ok ill just link the post lol sorry i just have. um. strong feelings.
OK UR ACTUAL QUESTION hmmmmm well yea i'd say the manga or novels. i get what u say abt the anime but truly the anime did not do it for any of them LOLL there was barely any time for anything let alone good characterisation. like come on there's 11 main characters and 12 twenty four minute long episodes. wdym u dont like anime takane she was there for like (checks) 40 or 50 min in total?
takane is incredibly sidelined in the anime much like everyone else cuz. lol. AGAIN. kagepro is not somehting u can fit in a 12 ep long anime. yuukei yesterday in the manga and novels goes a lot more in depth about takanes personality and relationship to haruka. not to mention they put kano's little Disguising Myself As Someone Dear To You That You Have Regrets About on her instead of shintaro which was crazy. to me that did so much damage to kano's character. i wouldnt call myself a kano expert bc he's an insanely complicated character to tackle LMAO but... i dont know. i just dont think he would do that to ene. shintaro is one thing, we all know kano's little thing abt shintaro, but ene?? its like, he does that to her BECAUSE of the thing with shintaro. kano's pissed and frustrated at everyone moving on while he's stuck behind and ESPECIALLY at shintaro and takes it out on ene for being the main reason why shintaro is moving on. its a little unfair. i dont think kano would be THAT disconnected to do that. not to mention when he pulls that trick on shintaro he isnt half as harsh as he is on ene!! he just kinda spooks him (tho ofc thats enough to send shintaro spiraling LOL) while to ene he's like YOURE THE WORST FUCK YOU and then the way ene kinda laughs it off after also pisses me off LOL yeah kano could do this im not saying its COMPLETELY ooc but he would be in an incredibly despaired rock bottom moment and he'd be super apologetic about it later. post str kano and takane friendship *holds head*
and if you read the novels and kano's feelings and thoughts over takane it makes me sad that's what they chose to do in the anime bc in the novels kano regards takane as someone he's jealous of bc of how confident she is and "her ability to doubt people" and how he thinks they're similar ppl. like we rly dont give enough credit that TAKANE is the first person kano ever opens up to in his life. he even says the conversation they have might as well be the first conversation he's ever had with anyone, and they both head out to the hideout being the ones who have to admit something to the people dear to them (kano the whole clearing eyes thing to kido, takane the ene thing to shintaro) and its not for no reason!!! kano sees something in takane. he knows theyre similar, but at the same time he is jealous. that together sounds a little like he wishes he could be more like her. OUGH. and how they just chose to translate that whole thing into kano being awful to ene and berating her for trying to save shintaro is soooo fucked up. it bothers me so much. #notmykano
WHY AM I TALKING ABT KANO THIS IS ABOUT TAKANE. OK i was driving my point abt how the anime isnt a good judging point to any of the characters LMAO and i guess i wouldnt be able to tell u which "version" of takane i like best, or anyone for that matter. to me all medias are the same version of the same character. im in too deep all of them. the takane that almost kills kenjirou for outing her as lightning dancer ene is the same takane who admits it by herself. idk. guess its a good question but i dont have a good answer. thats also why i hate second manga route takane bc she does shit i dont think she'd do and it pisses me off LOL
#ask tag#you: what do you think of manga takane#me: starts talking about kano and the novels#sry for being insane#kagenalysis
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hiiiiiiiii dkfhjdhf sorry, i know i went missing for a long af while and now im basically spamming you BUT i watched Fire Island tonight
what a great fucking movie, recommended it to everyone I know now, it was fantastic and I loved how they managed to incorporate a letter into the storyline, and Noah, I really feel for him and love him as a character and would love to be friends with him, Will was amazing, I laughed so much at his dancing lmao I loved Charlie, he really does give the perfect Bingley vibes, and Howie, damn, I adore him, seriously, and that scene at the end where they see the older queer couple dancing in the pier ahhhhh I loved it so fucking much, but most of all the thing that really filled my heart with happiness was seeing the queer community and found family in the movie, that's something I want for myself, to live with people who really understand, being in the closet is exhausting, and while I'm out to a lot of people there's even more people from whom I have to hide myself, I'm not ready to come out either but I just hope that when I do I can find something like what they have :'3
-M<3
FIRE ISLAND FUCK YEA[answering posts in reverse order cuz the tumblr keeps glitching and my drafts dont get saved;-;] also for some reason i didnt realize fire island was like. a real place. anyway <3
i really really loved that they incorporated a letter into the storyline it really cemented the pride and prejudice inspo . on that topic have you seen the lizzie bennet series?? its a youtube web series and it was so good like p&p works always slap
back to fire island , i really loved seeing the entire film consist of queer ppl and noah's narrations , and also the hierarchy that exists within the queer community[also help i screamed when the ppl at the "highest" were mostly white/abled/attractive like fire island was written really well huh]
the narrative structure of it happening on the days of the week was so pleasing for some reason but really that much did happen in 7 days?? phew
will. i cannot.
so heres the thing right, i knew conrad ricamora from htagwm and i thought he was a pretty cool actor. but he was so much hotter in this movie???? like when he said"okay. you win" I BLUSHED SO HARD😳😳
i really liked the way the movie portrayed that while some queer things are universal its still a vastly different experience for everyone and like. yea
noah was such a fun main character like the way he was pretty nice at the start but then is immediately bitchy™ the moment he finds out that will looks down on them ["he is not hot enough to be that annoying" (my first thought was will thinks that noah is hot?? lmaoo)]
AND YES being closeted or partly closeted can feel so isolating and exhausting ,being around queer ppl is so ahhh it just makes me feel safer and makes my heart feel fuller somehow. the old queer couple dancing was (at least in my opinion) one of the most important scenes cuz!! i feel like a lot of queer ppl dont really see the future as a concrete thing(ik its a general thing also but its different from a queer perspective )!!! and just maybe in the future we'll be dancing in the sunset!!!
p.s. i really truly hope with all my heart that the future you want becomes true. you deserve it
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What is it that sold you to Luke?
In my case, I have always been one of those people who pairs Holmes with Watson in more than the friends section haha
and I did not expect an otome character with certain parallels with Holmes to mention that
So. You know. I liked. After that, I further analyzed him as a character and he became my favorite. But that was my first approach.
heyyo, anon!!! my short answer would be: everything. KJBKSDF
but im physically incapable of giving short answers most of the time so heres an itemized and probably non-exhaustive off-the-top-of-my-head list of Things That Convinced Me Luke Pearce Was Made In A Lab Specifically To Target Me
first thing that hooked me was his looks, HAHA. i first saw luke in an article my phone browser recommended me weeks before the game's global release and luke was the picture and im a sucker for fluffy haired puppy looking sunshine boys, and luke Looked The Part. deadass started playing this game cuz luke literally Fave At First Sight-ed me
and then the game came out and every single thing i learned about him was my CATNIP
detective (SAME-ISH HAT, ANON!!! while i wasnt drawn specifically by the holmes and watson parallel, i do love a good detective hehe), cheery character w dark secret, extreme devotion to his detriment, self-loathing party time, SECRET AGENT, has probably killed before and will do it again, HAS A PET BIRD <3, fucked up backstory, in general hilarious, aaand just enough insecurities i myself also deeply relate to so hes a perfect self-projection punching bag
like, these r all things i love very very much
out of all these things, what Truly Sold me though was all the personality and story stuff. i can get interested by a character at a glance, but if who they are as a character isnt compelling to me, i get bored very quickly and drop em
i picked up luke pearce and placed him in my brain in july 2021 and 9 months later i am still constantly rotating his character around like a rotisserie chicken in my mind
//auctioneer voice. SOLD!!
i respectfully will never understand ppl ive seen (and then immediately respectfully blocked, i dont need that in my life) who think luke is boring KBKJDBFKJDSBKG. i dont get it!! hes a such an interesting character!!! hes one that starts out so fixated on how he can achieve his skewed perception of Good that he cannot see how many unhealthy things hes doing that hurts himself and the people around him.
at times, hes emotionally paradoxical cuz he holds others on a higher pedestal of value over himself Always yet is, whether intentionally or not, trying to control other’s perception of him to fit his perception of who he makes himself out to be
hes deeply flawed and hes so often scared and so so many other things
and his entire story and development is about realizing those things, growing from them, and learning to keep on going in spite of his fears
if i had to choose just one thing that i love about luke, i guess itd be that theme specifically: the hope in perseverance
“It’s not over ‘til it’s over,” was said in Luke SR Star In The Palm. and until then, he keeps fighting. because that matters
i.....have a lot of feelings about luke, as u can see KJBJDBFKSD!!
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Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 9 (part 1)
“ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~
What an ep for my girl tohru! She completed her growth thanks to kyo’s rejection. really, It was so hard, cruel, understandable but above all so necessary for her to reach a logical realistic conclusion that “I can love/want things from the bottom of my heart, but at the end I can’t force or bound them to me, I won’t regret loving/wanting them, but I’ll move forward regardless, no more standing still”.
-The fear of being alone:
Aren’t we all? We’re scared to face the word after breaking bonds, changing, not getting what we want, having to start over. Such feelings run deeper into us all. Both tohru & akito were scared to face the word without the old comfortable bond that they got used to:
Tohru realized today, that she cant keep talking to a cold photo, can’t live according to her mom’s expectations, to fulfill her mom’s wishes, can’t narrate her daily life to her mom & fill her life with other ppl’s own issues to distract her self from facing her own loneliness & from looking deeper into what should she do with her life. As she fell in love with kyo, tohru started talking to him! forgetting to inform her mom abt her life’s details, thinking abt what will she do “after graduation?”. As kyo asked in se02, ep2. Graduating highschool is ur mom’s wish, What would u wanna do after?” Tohru didnt have a response of “an after”cuz her mom wasnt there to tell her! Tohru has to choose “the after” herself!!!! “The after” was being with kyo & starting life together! figuring what to do next together! She no longer alone! she found her most precious person!
Except: he cant be with her. Again tohru is scared. What to do now! she wanted a bond but is forced to leave it. Loving kyo was stage 1 to be free from her grief. Moving forward without kyo is stage 2 to learn not to repeat the painful journey again! She didnt let go of her mom & kyo easily. It was hard, scary but she must do it. You must respect their wishes & move on. As scared as she is, there will be sadness & happiness ahead.
Akito realized she cant keep an empty box, cant keep fulfilling her dad’s wishes to “be loved & special” cant bound the zodiacs to her for good. They may love her or not, it doesn't matter, if they wish to leave for whatever reason, she cant force them to stay.
Except now that the zodiacs are leaving, what does she have to live for? who will be with her? she isnt good with strangers? she never met anyone who wasnt forced to obey her & be grateful for her. Strangers cant be forced to love her! what will she do now? stretch you hand for a greeting. Tohru told her, make a friend, they might refuse you, but hey might accept u too, I’ll make it easy, Hi, I;m tohru, whats ur name?
The power of true love: ( reality vs fiction)
In fairy tales, the princess fix the prince. the prince save the princess. The prince kiss the princess, she wakes up & they be happy ever after. Except real life has no prince & princess, You cant always be saved, you cant always save others, pure intense true love cant always be the answer!
Yuki was first when tohru needed physical saving. he saved her twice! Yuki’s nickname in school ”the prince”. Yuki is always cool, thoughtful & kind. Yuki always knew what to say & do! he deserves tohru’s romantic love more than kyo, right? But “ppl & feelings can’t be bound down”~ . Yuki didn't feel this way towards tohru, granted no one (excepts kakeru) knows the reason why he loves her fondly (she’s his mom figure). The official” prince isnt the one for her. Real life isn’t a fairy tale. Yuki has someone who sees he isn’t cool, perfect or a prince “ granted no one knows abt machi, yet! ) XD
In tohru monologue: she didnt think abt saving, that's not why she loves kyo. She stated normal, silly, mundane things! a shy smile, awkward kindness & the likes. Stuff ppl love abt each other in real life. You dont say, I love my husband cuz he saved me from a burning building in the 7th floor! lol. But fiction is so full of this. Princes saving princesses.
Tohru didnt fix kyo, too! as much as her love helped him greatly to find hope, the best writing choice is that tohru’s love also brought despair to kyo! To him, she’s the symbol of hope, peace & comfort! she’s also, the symbol of despair, torment & unease! EPIC! The kyo who’s stuck in the past cant be with her, the kyo who will move beyond trauma, abuse & broken soul will be with her. The duality is all on kyo’s shoulder: what will he choose? Can he choose in his state now?
In fairy tales the princess wakes up after the kiss. In real life, we don't. Tohru didn’t. Regardless if she fainted during or after the kiss. The kiss fixed nothing. Kyo’s despair in seeing near-dead tohru in a not-so-subtle mimic to his nightmare, has manifested itself into the sweetest kiss upon seeing her conscious & talking. Kyo isnt good with words, his actions are his words. When he’s scared, sad, in trauma: running away. when he’s fond of her, grateful for her existence: head knock, head pats, hand holding & a kiss. Still the kiss fixed nothing. Kyo is still traumatized more than ever now. Tohru still feels rejected “even if I’m not with you, plz live”.
Talking fixes everything. It didn’t here, kyo & tohru talked & showed their most vulnerable side to the other, but still didn’t meet half ways, regardless of all the love. That’s cuz they keep missing each other’s best timing. Kyo is stuck in the past while tohru has moved forward. even if in her mind she’s the one who stood & he moved. this shows they aren’t on the same wave yet. Before meeting each other again, kyo must learn from his mistake like tohru did. He must face his ultimate demon: his dad. The one who created the current broken kyo.
Rebelling against parents: ( sign of growth & freedom of choice):
Rebelling against parents is a sign of a desire to choose one’s path, decide one’s own future. Away to express an oppressed desire.
Yuki rebelled against his mom in se02. he told her I’m not going to the college you chose. I’ll chose my path. I’m not staying away from Ayame. My bro is good in my book. I chose who I want to be with. He told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.
Tohru rebelled against her mom today. told her I’m not wasting myself doing only what you I think you’ll approve off. You might bot forhet kyo, thats ur choice, But I DO. I love him even if you might not approve of him, Even if he rejected me, my feelings wont change, but I’ll move forward from the grief & pain. mother. She told her what he needed, turned his back & moved forward.
Kyo WILL rebelled against his disgusting dad. He MUST. It is his turn now. He’ll tell him I’m not wasting myself being locked in a cage. I have a future! I’m not a monster. I am LOVED! I might not 100% sure why I’m loved, but the truth cant be hidden. I have ppl who love me! cheer for me! I want to live! enough of death! mom & kyoko died, tohru nearly did, but I’m not gonna die! I’m not killing ME! I’‘ll do what MOM didnt do! I’ll do what YOU couldn't do! I’ll live! He’ll tell him what he needed, turned his back & moved forward. I cant wait! I’m in tears just thinking abt it! Kyo was punished enough! time for happiness!
Side Notes:
While I’m impressed with tohru’s growth, as they did her justice in this ep, this doesn’t erase that the buildup for tohru’s own journey & trauma was mediocre. There is a reason ppl commented ” omg tohru, you can love your mom AND kyo!. ” Grief is illogical, long process & it sucks that we weren’t allowed to experience tohru’s grief & her mom’s role in tohru’s abandonment issues. Huge lost opportunity that a good conclusion ep cant erase! but like tohru, I’m moving on ~
The path of growth for kyo will start by rejecting the demon: his dad. No. other. option. Hold abusers accountable for their crimes. Stop their madness. Tell them off.
We know kyo is baka! that’s his trade mark, the endearing baka! a lot of characters in the show think so! I love it, but I’m craving baka-yuki! XD! really, yuki is cool, level-headed & smart, but let him be baka too! this only shows up in tiny microscopic doses, but they’re my fave doses of yuki! it humanizes the “perfect prince”, the “gifted high status rat”! Thus him not seeing kyo running the other side, is my fave look on him! XD.
I appreciate that kyo & yuki put their differences aside when they’re with tohru. You cant tell yuki is hella pissed off with kyo, but he restrained himself. His gaze while full of anger is also full of sympathy as he heard/saw kyo’s panic upon the thought of loosing tohru. He understand they both only mean the best for each other, but also tried they both keep missing each other & not meeting half way! Also, yuki being the only one in the hospital is realistic & endearing. No need for them all to be there & yuki lives with her & is so close to her.
kyo not being the hospital is fantastic! thank you writer-San! why would kyo go to the hospital after thinking his nightmare came true? kyoko /his mom warned him, you’ll hurt another person.. he did.. he didn't cause her fall... but caused her sadness & hurt.
Momiji’s reprimanding gaze is my fave look on him! Also, the best response to what akito did. Akito isnt used to such judgemental gaze. Kureno grabbed her cheeks, gently told her you shouldn't do that, the old maid told her you are right, Dr. Hatori erased her mistakes from ppl heads & bodies, shigure being either cold or kissing her ass, coxing her to yet torment another zodiac in his grand scheme to break the curse as happened in the beach arc.
You bet hana & arisa will be there next ep! Arisa will meet kureno & akito for sure. To path the way for their romance as seen in the ED.
Shigure’s “remorse” is a whole can of worms. Playing with ppl’s hearts & feelings to gain someone’s affection is no laughing matter. Each time blood is shed, he contributed somehow. he didnt force anyone to hurt the other, but he played with matches & never got hurt.
Shigure must be glad akito stabbed kureno. Not cuz he’s sadistic or bad person. He isn’t, but cuz akito stabbing kureno is akito cutting her bond with him. Go shigure, your girl removed her lover with blood. Kureno is punished for sleeping with ur girl by blood! so, when is ur punishment for sleeping with ur lover’s mom? none? ok.
The animation is good. They didnt villinize akito by drawing extra manic features like se02. Kyo’s broken & tormented face once again epicly drawn. However, akito’s slaps on tohru’s face were comedic, unnecessary & such bad taste! Stop using violence for extra drama, furuba!
Also, tohru, I love you, I understand you are broken but charging at a person, who has a history of violence & physical abuse & holding a knife, is stupid. No other description. I’m glad she didnt accidentally kill you in her initial rage.
Everything akito’s redemption, kureno & shigure are part 2 in my review.
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Find your love
⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿ .₊̣̇.ฅ/ᐠ ̥ ᐟ\ฅ.₊̣̇. ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑
Pairings: Reki x POC Fem! Reader
Warnings: Fluff, You being a baddie ok like ppl just love you, Reki and Langa being your literal bodyguards and also you not caring and minding your business.
Ok let’s cut to the chase... yall relationship?
THE CUTEST
Reki will literally be the best boyfie EVER
Also you and Langa would have the best friendship
Like him and Reki would come to you with stars in their eyes when they learned something new abt skateboarding
And you would smile at them cuz they are so CUTEEE
BUT BACK TO REKI
I have a feeling he would most definitely listen to music like Drake’s.
So I can only imagine how much y’all would get along even before dating
Let’s be honest.. We all know Drake songs are black people music
On this day tho, baby boy was hell bent to teach you how to skateboard so bad
Not to mention Mr. Langa was there begging you to do it too
He was so excited on teaching you
Butttttttt.... as soon as y’all started..
You... weren’t doing so well
You was swishing and sliding all over the place while screaming
You even had to tie you braids up ‘cause miss girl had to keep look at her feet the ENTIRE TIME
You would also keep falling flat on your face
You and Langa could’ve literally been bandage twins with the amount of cuts and scrapes that was on your body
You eventually got tired and sat on the railing
“Aahhhh..! I’m sorry babe. Your beautiful face is ruined!” Reki said while standing in front of you and pinching your cheeks
You giggled and look up at the sun, allowing you to be sun kissed and look more beautiful to Reki.
Which should’ve been relatively impossible
“It’s fine suga! I was glad to learn and I’m happy your my teacher. I’ll get in soon enough!” You smiled, flashing your pearly whites.
Little baby loves when you call him names like baby, sugar (suga), sweetie, honey etc. He gets all blushy.
And ESPECIALLY with the outfit you were wearing. It was his shirt after all.
Reki blushed. “O-ok babe..! I’ll go finish teaching Langa!” He nervously said as he ran off.
“Ok sweetie.” You smiled.
You looked down to see his phone falling out of his pocket.
You ran to grab it before it fell since Reki didn’t even realize it wasn’t in his pocket anymore.
Chile as soon as you grabbed it, music started playing
You stood there like “????”
Then IMMEDIATELY after you knew exactly which song it was
And btw you had a speaker with you and when I tell you that you ran to that speaker with the QUICKNESS
You turned on the speaker and connected his phone to it
Chile when the music started playing thru that damn speaker, you had the ENTIRE skating park staring at you
Did you care? No😌
And guess what kind of song it was?
A DAMN DRAKE SONG
So here you were in the middle of the skate park singing and dancing to “Find your Love” by Drake.
Dancing all sultry and whatnot while being in your own world
Now Reki and Langa were staring with the jaws on the F L O O R
If there was a fire hydrant near by, it and Reki would be twinning with how red he was
When I tell you nobody could move like you..
👏🏽NOBODY👏🏽 COULD 👏🏽MOVE 👏🏽LIKE 👏🏽YOU👏🏽
“I better find your loving” you sang as you swung your head and hips to the beat
Literally the entire skate park was shook to the very core cuz of not only your dancing but how good you sounded while singing
And then not to mention you got Reki in a trance
This was so unintentional too
You were just doing what you loved
Whipping your braids back and forth, spinning around and swaying your hips and then all of a sudden your ass catch the attention of literally EVERYONE
“I bet if I give all my love then nothing's gonna tear us apart” you smiled and sang as you smiled.
The sun was doing you good too luv
Literally looking like a whole model
You look at Reki and sing “I'm done waiting, there's nothing left to do but give all I have to you” and smile at him
Reki heart is literally beating out of his chest
He soon snaps out of his trance to see everyone staring at you like you would be their last meal
Was he and Langa having this??
No😃🤚🏽
Manz literally tapped Langa and said “Yeah we’re getting outta here ight?”
When I tell you them two dropped the skateboards and sprinted towards you
Waste time??? Oh no baby they don’t know what that is
ESPECIALLY when it comes to you
Them two are like your bodyguards ok
They legit ran and grabbed your behind so fast that it literally almost started a riot when the people realized you were being dragged out of the park
Fusing and making noise because they wanna see you and dancing and singing again
Did they even glance back at those people??
I think y’all know the answer
Reki literally had your behind thrown over his shoulder and Langa had all your stuff
“ACK! REKI! LANGA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING? IF YALL DONT GATDAMN PUT ME DOWN AND LEMME FINISH MY DANCE BEFORE I LICK YOU!”
They ain’t even spare you a glance they just kept walking
They literally just leave and Reki just carries you back to his house WITH you still over his shoulder
Langa eventually gives Reki your stuff cuz he’s got to go home now
And yes you had tights on cuz the shirt you was wearing was NOT staying put
Your braids were just dangling and people was just staring at you as manz just casually walks down the street
He walked into his house and just waved hi to his mom who was confused as ever with the scene she was looking at
He went into his room and threw you on his bed and set all your stuff down
And before you can even say anything, Reki turns around and looks you dead in your eyes and say “Dance like that when it just us ‘Kay”
He had the most ADORABLE face too while saying it
You couldn’t help the smile that crept up on your face
“Ok hun just for you m’kay”
It made him cheese even more
He ran and jumped into the bed with you and just fell asleep
And then like a few days later you were at his house again and you’ll hear the same song playing and come running
And GUESS WHOS PLAYING IT
Reki Kyan in the flesh
Baby boy is blushing and smiling from ear to ear at the sight of you dancing and singing your ass off
Safe to say that song is now one of his favorites
..For multiple reasons👀
©Property of sunaslilone. Please don’t rectify, repost or modify without my permission.
Taglist: @uniquabackyardigans @haikyu-whore @kiribis-confesion-page @gm4176 (Open ! click here to be added!)
#{📝}—a.scribbles#reki x reader#sk8 the infinity#reki x poc! reader#reki x black! reader#sk8 reki#sk8 headcanons#sk8 hcs#sk8 infinity
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Season 3 notes popping off
due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.
ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?
ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.
ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.
ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes
ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.
ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.
ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.
ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.
ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.
ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.
ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.
ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.
ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.
Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.
Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?
ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?
ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.
ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!
ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?
ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again
110: who wants to bet its a leitner?
111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.
112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...
113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough
114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?
115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?
116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.
117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.
118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.
119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!
120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.
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How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr
What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^
Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))
What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.
Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.
What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.
What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….
Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)
Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.
Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).
Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.
Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.
Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”
so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D
- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]
- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd
- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho
- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333
- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!
- gotta love tsukishima <3
- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)
- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw
- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more
- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too
so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333
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do u think u could write something fluffy for atsumu? :D (if not, bc he just showed up in the anime, futakuchi?) nd they/them pronouns pls :3 ty ty!!!
dating headcanons
✧ hc’s ✧ for atsumu and futakuchi
❧ gn reader
✎ 1.6k words
a/n: oml my first request fgrinffej thank u anon <3 been doing sum ~research~ and brainstorming snaccing and i hope this is okay ! >:) for u i shall do both ppl hehe. feel free to lmk if you would like me to redo or add anything, i wanna do my requests justice :*)
also i find myself gettin inspo at 4 am ofhfuohf i hope this is a bit fluffy, tho its a bit playful n snarky as well fnoggrefjf. also this took me so long bc i literaly got this whole other idea LMAOOOO but i find it more suitable as a separate piece so be on the lookout for that (nudge nudge itll feature atsumu ;) i got a bit carried away AAHA). here u goo
atsumu
✧ boi’s a tease
✧ on days he stays really late to practice so like?? most days LOL you drop by a nearby eatery and pick up some fatty tuna (or something else, you like to change it up sometimes even if fatty tuna is his fave) for him to munch on (gotta replenish your body!!)
✧ even though it’s for him, he’ll make you share the food with him as you both sit on a field nearby the gym
✧ likes to feed you but exaggerates it just to mess with you
✧ “say ahh, y/n” he coos with a smirk when he holds out some food from his chopsticks
✧ and just to mess with him back, you close your mouth around the piece, taking it from the chopsticks slowly and never breaking eye contact with him until after you chew and swallow
✧ “ah, that was delicious, honey” you smile cheekily
✧ rip atsumu, he malfuncc inside
✧ however
✧ fights you for the last piece of any food or snack you’re sharing
✧ “why even offer sharing if you’re just gonna hog it all”
✧ “you were just slower than me, that’s not my problem”
✧ in the end, he would definitely just let you have it. Only fights you when hes bored and wants to provoke you, which is often
✧ pretty affectionate in public. likes to ruffle your hair or place a head on your hand, no matter what height you are
✧ especially likes to do this when you’re annoyed at him, which kinda makes it not cute anymore and you just wanna punch him in the face
✧ as annoying as he could be tho you had to admit that your bickering could be quite fun he was definitely a caring partner
✧ is quick to take notice how youre feeling, liek:
✧ “hey, are you feeling okay?”
✧ “yeah im fine, why?”
✧ “you know you dont have to lie, right? you cant hide these things, anyways, i can just tell if something’s up. what’s wrong, babe?”
✧ pulls you aside to talk things out a little, then offers to spend some time together after practice
✧ squeezes your hand as he walks you home, plants a soft kiss to your forehead before parting ways, and says goodnight
✧ he also notices any changes, no matter how small, in your appearances:
✧ *scrutinizing you* “what do you want, atsumu?”
✧ “did you do something different today? maybe like with your hair or uniform or something?”
✧ “o-oh, yeah, i did.”
✧ “hm. it really suits you, actually.”
✧ “oh, thanks. it’s such a small change, i didnt think anyone would notice--”
✧ “dont get too ahead of yourself, i didnt say it looked nice-- im kidding, im kidding!” he has to say in order to defend himself from your piercing glare
✧ lowkey highkey cant go long without seeing you
✧ so when he finally gets to spend some time with you, he’s even more touchy than usual
✧ you eye him suspiciously before saying, “you’re acting like you missed me or something”
✧ “yeah, i did miss you. something wrong with that?” he asks, burying his face in your neck as he hugs you from behind
✧ “yes, because its been two days”
✧ expect lots of kisses and hugs, though. mans is deprived and he gets what he wants (with consent, of course)
✧ makes sure everyone knows he’s there to stand up for you if necessary, which can be pretty intimidating
✧ loves it when you fall asleep on his shoulder. will take selfies with your sleeping face and show you later
✧ “you look cute even when you’re drooling all over my arm”
✧ doesn’t talk about how he sniffed or kissed your head when you were asleep. definitely doesn’t admit how he was whispering about how lucky he was to be in love with you asdfghjk
✧ was the first to admit he loved you
✧ it occurred after his team won a game to qualify for nationals. excitedly, you raced your way to meet him and tackled him in a hug. who cares if he was sweaty. “i knew you guys would win, and im so proud, atsumu.”
✧ he stumbled a bit and hugged back. he pulled away shortly to look you in the eye
✧ “y/n, i love you.”
✧ and all you could do was blush before he pulled you into a soft, yet passionate kiss
✧ surrounded by like. literally everyone lol
✧ osamu just fake gags in the background
✧ later that day:
✧ “sooooo do I get a reward for winning ? ;)”
✧ “dont push your luck”
✧ but you do spend the night just chilling at his place, watching a movie and cuddling, unwinding from a long day
futakuchi
✧ you met each other in class, bonding over how bored and sleepy you both were
✧ one day he started passing you notes and you went with along it until this class’s purpose in y’alls lives was just for goofing off and totally not to see each other’s smiles or be a bit flirty
✧ loves to mess around with you, but also thinks highly of you
✧ shortly after you started dating and met the boy’s volleyball team, moniwa asks you to please keep futakuchi in line
✧ “babe, please, you’re driving your seniors crazy”
✧ but ever since he became captain, you could sense that futakuchi seemed more responsible
✧ but poor bby was also wayyyy more tired than usual
✧ you poked his back with your pencil whenever you found him dozing off in class, just in time before he risked getting caught by the teacher
✧ you also nagged him about getting more rest and maintaining his health, doing things to help him out until he gave in and made a better attempt at taking care of himself
✧ unless you have other activities going on, you’d usually come by the gym to watch practice and then walk home with futakuchi
✧ you always bring him and his team snacks. they all love you, especially koganegawa
✧ “how are you and y/n dating, they’re so much nicer than futaku--”
✧ cant even finish his sentence before the captain smacks his head and poor kogane chokes on his snacc
✧ but les be real you also go to admire your manz
✧ on the walk home one day:
✧ “you hit a really good spike today”
✧ sheepishly scratches the back of his head, “oh, thanks. kogane’s sets are improving, so it’s getting easier to hit the ball”
✧ secretly loves and craves your praise
✧ futakuchi’s pretty down for pda. you two can often be seen walking down the aisles, hand in hand
✧ will also give you lots of pecks, especially on your cheeks and lips
✧ he also insists on helping you carry your things
✧ wants you to rely on him
✧ saw you shivering once and took his jacket off, draping it around you like nbd
✧ lets just say he wishes he coulda thought of that sooner dhqnwxhgergk youre not allowed to look this cute
✧ but now you literally keep half his closet in your house cuz he always tells you to return it whenever you want
✧ could go on dates anywhere and literally have such a good time. the night market? y’all will share foods and play games the whole time. the park? he could go for a nice, relaxing walk, or if it’s at night, he’d love to lie in the grass and admire the night sky with you (as long as you hold hands lol). at home? would totally binge some shows or movies with you, has sour gummies n a blanket ready to share hog
✧ can be a tease, but will protect you at all costs
✧ glares at anyone who looks at you with interest (boi gets jealous)
✧ had to pull you into his arms and give you a kiss to save you from getting hit on by someone from a rival school. “hey babe, i’ve been looking for you. let’s head back, everyone’s waiting.”
✧ you happily follow him, not noticing how futakuchi looks back at his now sworn-enemy and sticks his tongue out at them
✧ he will fIGHT anyone who hurts you, is very overprotective to say the least
✧ always makes sure he knows where you’re at, starts to worry a bit if you’ve gone mia
✧ got reallly worried one time when he called you like 5 times and you didnt pick up!
✧ 20 minutes later his phone rings and he picks it up immediately. “hello? y/n? are you okay?? you haven’t been answering me for a while.”
✧ “ahh, yes, im sorry about that, my phone died :P”
✧ thinks the best cuddles are the ones in which you both end up falling asleep. also likes to admire your sleeping face totes not a creeper
✧ also loveloveloves to snuggle you from behind and bury his face in your neck and loves to just smELL you
✧ you told him you loved him first
✧ you were having a rough day when you heard a knock on your door
✧ opening it, you found a futakuchi giving you a small smile and carrying a plastic bag full of goodies. “i, uh, didn’t want you to be alone, so i thought we could hang out for a bit? just us two, your favorite snacks, and whatever else you want to do”
✧ touched by his gesture, you pulled him in by his jacket’s collar and gave him a long kiss
✧ after separating, you looked into his eyes as you cupped his face gently. “thank you, kenji. i love you. this means a lot to me”
✧ ejiufnicenjfdhksujsk he nearly melted in place
✧ later tries playing the pocky game with you, but then y’all forget about the pocky after your first round and stick to the smooching
#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu reader insert#atsumu x reader#atsumu miya#futakuchi kenji#futakuchi x reader#haikyuu x you
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Ppl be like "Magnus can't have flaws??! How dare you say nice things about him?!??" sometimes. All of Magnus' characteristics that we use to describe him are Canon but ppl act like we're making his personality up??? Saw someone tag a post abt ppl only making up personalities for guys nd not girls with his name as if he wasn't a main and didn't have his own story+background. It was made worse as they tagged the same post with damon Salvatore nd now I feel sick.
Book!magnus isn't flawed he's a straight up asshole. Ppl like to say he's better than show!magnus because of his dick ways and I'm just like: ????. Show!Magnus does have flaws idiots just lack the critical thinking to find them!
idk who damon salvatore is (i mean im vaguely aware hes from that vampire diaries thing but i know nothing beyond that) but otherwise i agree with u (also, ppl got a lot of nerve putting a coc in a list like that like being a moc means being treated even slightly the same way as a white man lmao. i mean yeah sure hes still got male privilege but are you serious? fandom treating a coc like he deserves nuance and well thought out headcanons and love and attention? wish i lived in that world)
what rlly drives me crazy about this whole "magnus is allowed to have flaws" thing is that like, yeah, he sure is! especially because poc are never allowed to be even the slightest bit human, much less flawed, without people getting up in arms about it. magnus' got plenty of flaws! he's stubborn, he's self sacrificial, he hides his feelings from others, he pushes ppl away when they get too close to his vulnerabilities, he has a tendency to simply Decide what other ppl want or need (like with alec and that whole moving to idris thing), he is impulsive, and a lot of other shit
and it's exactly those flaws that draw me to him, honestly! like i talk about how kind and caring he is all the time, and that is true, but i know that this is, at least partially, him feeling like he needs to be useful to be loved, and erasing himself/defining himself by what he can do for others, which is the same trait that leads him to act in all these ways i mentioned above. it's why i relate to him! it's why i love him! magnus isn't perfect, he is good, a good person, and there's a difference
which is the point i have been wanting to make when i started writing this answer because like. what drives me crazy the most is how those dark magnus stans or whatever love to say that they write him as an evil person who literally enjoys hurting others (like im sorry but have you watched the show?) because he's "allowed to have flaws". usually the same ppl who keep being like "i write my relationships realistically!" and when u check out their fics, it's like, literally abuse. like straight up physical violence and manipulation and gaslighting. and. that's not being realistic, girl! that's normalizing abuse
and it's one thing if this is a dark fic and its supposed to be bad or whatever and u just want to explore that, god knows i write about abuse all the damn time. its another to be like "actually if ppl arent like that its not realistic and ur writing them as perfect uwu beans and u have no nuance and are a bad writer". cuz honestly, if u think "having flaws" is being straight up abusive, and that it's "unrealistic" otherwise, then that tells me all i need to know about how u live ur relationships. if u think its literally impossible to exist in the real world without abusing others then i dont want to have shit to do with u, buddy
(and im not even saying that from just a logical standpoint but also from experience because ive had exes and ex friends who used this whole "actually humans are naturally selfish and dont care about others and enjoy hurting others it's human nature" rethoric [and the whole "realistic" thing is really just that except applied to fiction] and surprise! they were all abusive! either to me or other ppl i knew, usually both)
and it's not unrealistic to be kind and care about others! on the contrary, it's a very normal and natural human trait. so miss me with that "either ur character literally enjoys torturing other ppl or he's being written as perfect" shit. which of course gains particularly strong tones when ppl r writing coc, esp moc. like no one insists that if alec doesn't feel literal pleasure hurting others then that's unrealistic and ppl r making his personality up and treating him like he's perfect. i wonder why 🙄
like the bar for "being written realistically" for white ppl is having flaws, for poc it's being straight up cruel
miss me with that shit! magnus is kind, he is selfless, he is caring, he is willing to do anything to help others, he is loving beyond anything else even after all his trauma! and yes, he is still flawed and realistic, and no, he is not an innocent baby. if he were i wouldn't be into it because i don't want a character who's kind because he doesn't know better, i want a character who's kind because they choose to. nothing could possibly be more boring to me than a character who's nice and unaware that other ppl might be assholes, i want characters who know exactly how terrible other people can be, who have experienced it firsthand, but who are still kind because that's who they are and what they believe in. and that's magnus! he knows perfectly well how full of horrors the world is, how sometimes there is no right choice, how sometimes u need to make sacrifices, how some people are really selfish and cruel and he's even been used by those specifically because he's too kind of selfless. he just chooses to still be kind and selfless anyway
if you could never, that's not my problem, or his writing's lol
#woo hooooo time to have an ANTI TAKE boys#sorry anon i kind of snapped#this rant has been sitting on my head for a while#salt#discourse#abuse tw#torture tw#ask#anonymous
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get to know me tag !
this is lowkey long, but it was fun to write <333 tagged by: @spookybias tagging: @eternallyhyucks @mjnisode @choibinn3 & anyone who feels like it lol (no pressure btw)
—
what day is your birthday? dec 21
what’s your favorite color? YELLOW YELLOW YELLOW YELLOW ‼️‼️‼️‼️
what’s your lucky number? uhh... 7 maybe?? idk i just like it a lot for no reason-
do you have any pets? no :(
how tall are you? .... barely 5'0-
how many pairs of shoes do you have? LITERALLY TWO LMFOSOA AND I ONLY WEAR ONE OF THOSE.
favorite song? oh god damn... too many... basically every skz & txt song, but if we're talking abt non-kpop then im gonna have to go w/ woman by doja cat && as the world caves in by matt maltese
favorite movie? i dont rlly... watch movies?? i dont find them that entertaining, but maybe wonder. (my literature teacher made us watch it back in 2019 (?) and i still love it to this day, makes me cry :(()
what would your ideal partner be like? uhh,,, felix.
do you want children? yes... it think??? 3 kids man i want 3 kids‼️
have you gotten in trouble with the law? YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME. (no, i haven't)
bath or shower? shower.
what color socks are you wearing? im answering these questions at 3AM in BED. who tf wears socks in bed 😟 (no offense)
favorite type of music? sad. sad music. extremely sad music. bonus points if it makes my heart ache a lot. i love crying :D OTHER THAN THAT SUMN THAT WILL HYPE ME TF UP‼️ and also love songs. i love them so fucking much. im a hopeless romantic, & hearing other hopeless romantics put their experiences on paper and turn it into something that sounds so beautiful just keeps me going :(
how many pillows do you sleep with? two.
what position do you sleep in? on my chest (explains a lot...)
what you don’t like when you’re sleeping? MOSQUITOES BUZZING IN MY FUCKING EAR, YA HEAR THAT, JERRY?!?!?! mf has been here for days now, im tired :/
what do you have for breakfast? i usually don't have breakfast, bcuz i wake up pretty late, but ramen??? i live off ramen ok?!?!
have you ever tried archery? NO BUT I WANT TO SO BAD!! listen ik im weak but still ;(
favorite fruit? tomatoes 🍅 are fruits right?
favorite swear word? shit, fuck, mf. cant choose 😟
do you have any scars? TOO MANY!!! on my knees, hands, on my nose (they had to stitch it lol there was literally a HOLE-), on my head.
are you a good liar? well, i personally don't think so. but i lie a lot and ppl seem to fall for it, so maybe??
what’s your personality type? infp-t.
what���s your favorite type of girl? any type of girl!!! girls are just so dbwbdhabwbwhahab
innie or outtie? innie :D
left or right handed? right
favorite food? ramen.
favorite foreign food? any chinese food that shit's amazing.
are you clean or messy? depends....? i dont like it when its messy but i still dont do shit abt it bcuz im lazy.
most used phrase? "LMFAO"
how long does it take you to get ready? like five to fifteen mins- just throw a shirt and pants on, maybe some eyeliner if im feeling a lil funky & im ready to go :D may has got 3 looks and thAT'S IT !!
do you talk to yourself? all the fucking time
do you sing to yourself? uhh.. yeah??? idk what that means-
are you a good singer? yep!!! used to do choir and shit til i quit like a year or two ago.
biggest fear? abandonment issues have entered the chat.
are you a gossip? haUh??? idk-
do you like long or short hair? UMMM on myself?? short. (im literally bald rn) on others?? maybe long?? idk just depends on the person.
favorite school subject? english. fuck everything else english outsold‼️ or maybe its cuz im that one lgbtq+ eurasian bitch who learned english at a very young age through cartoons && is pretty much fluent now.
introvert or extrovert? introverttttttt.
what makes you nervous? awkward silence. it pains me. pretty people with pretty smiles and pretty lips.
who was your first real crush? been having crushes since kindergarten babe!! but idk if that counts so ig my classmate who i had a thing with in 4th grade up until 6th??
how fast can you run? not very fast but if im in a hurry i'm gonna leap.
what color is your hair? brown (might dye it soon tho)
do you like your own name? my real life name, yep. my other name i use, yep. mj or may?? HELL YEAH.
what makes you angry? everything. im a small angry lil gremlin that'll bite ur legs off if necessary.
do you want a boy or a girl as a child? both :D
what are your strengths? ig i give uhh.. decent advice maybe...?
what are your weaknesses? too many. both physically and mentally. my horrible temper, extremely insecure, very stubborn, i apologize even if i didn't feel like i did anything wrong, tend to overshare a bit LIKE RN SO I SHOULD SHUT UP.
what’s the color of your bedspread? grEEN with white flowers :D
what’s the color of your room? pink-ish white-ish yellow... mostly white 😢
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hey there, asking for a friend, how do I decide if "brain no vibey with body" is cuz of my:
•ptsd fun from s- assults
•dissociation
•gender dysphoria
•ed (I don't even know how it works now that I realised I'm like some vaguely masculine eldritch creature)
Like, I know its probably a mix usually, and there are more options, but like I'm 20, I'm just so tired, and like any tips? ;-;
I hope you're having a lovely day btw <3
I think my answer to that would be, why is it important to figure out? like, most things are a combo of other feelings and figuring out which specific thing is the root of the feeling isn't always actually that helpful, at least in my experience
like, reguardless of which of those things is causing that disconnect from ur body and sense of self, how u make peace with that is gonna depend much more on ur overall feelings and much less on what specific factor is the root u know?
also ed's def just dont go away once u realize ur not a woman. ive known cis men, trans mascs and nb ppl who have eds and those feelings do just continue on even if they warp a little to fit ur new understanding of ur gender, so it really is gonna work p much the same
as for tips, ive seen most people fall into either of two kinds of circles for the most part depending on what is more helpful to them personally.
the first is embracing the disconnect. u dont have to love ur body or even feel like its urs, be an eldrich abomination if thats what brings u peace. the important thing is caring for the body ur inhabiting because its whats keeping u connected to this world and this reality. some people look at it like a pet their caring for, u feed it and bathe it and make sure its getting enough sleep and sunlight and proper enrichment to thrive, and call it a day. others view it as a machine theyre using to navigate thru this world, and keep up with its proper mateniance and needs as required to keep using it.
the other route is more what I did and what was helpful for me which is to work on reintegrating ur sense of self. working towards viewing ur body as a real part of u and looking at urself as a whole being instead of pieces. for me, im not just a brain piloting a meat suit. all of this is me. its okay to want certain aspects of myself to be different, I change parts of my personality all the time to better fit the image of myself that I want, and my body is no different. because it is me I have full control and agency over it. if I want my hair to be shorter I can do that. if my image of myself is most comfortable with fangs, I'll wear fangs. for me part of my dysmorphia is piercings. in my internal sense of self my face is full of metal, so im slowly working my way towards that goal. taking the time to make my outside self match my internal self, while still being kind to myself about the fact that that takes time. no one is their most authentic self right out the gate. in the same way it takes time and care to get a flower to bloom, it will take time and care to get my body to do the same.
also, its okay for ur feelings to shift and change over time and to adjust ur coping mechanisms accordingly. when I was younger and my sense of self was weaker, it helped a lot for me to use that first technique. I didn't love my body and it didn't feel like mine, so i didn't force myself to love it. I just accepted that I was living in it and called it a day. as I got older and worked more on being comfortable with myself, it just naturally got easier to view my body as me and be comfortable in it
imo the most important thing in conversations about our bodies is compassion. have compassion for urself and ur body. get used to treating it kindly because all living things deserve kindness. forgive it for the ways it isn't what u want right now, and accept that nothing will ever be perfect, including ur body, and learn to find the things about it that *do* bring u joy and happiness because those will always exist
#dysphoria#body dysmorphia#bdd#gender dysphoria#body dysphoria#jack.speaks#anon#sorry that was so long i am not concise lmfaoo but i hope it was helpful!#also sorry this took me forever to answer spoons have been low lately but i hope u see this!
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// rant
i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.
my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.
nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?
nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?
this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.
at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.
last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.
it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.
sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj
i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x
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5, 8, 12, 15, 19, 20, 22, 27, 29, 33, 34, 42, 49 >:)
Feel free to pick any 5 of these you wanna answer if there are too many!!! I’m just 👁👁 Looking ☺️
5) What do you wish more ppl knew abt autism?
I wish people knew about what it ACTUALLY means, because I feel like there are a lot of misconceptions. Autistic characters on TV often don't help either cuz they dont usually explain what it actually is, but show a few vague traits.
8) If you have any, what are your special interests?
Learning new things? Can that be one? I like to spend hours learning weird softwares and how to do extremely unuseful skills, such as hacking a 3ds, or learning live2d
12) Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? If you want, tell us why you headcanon them autistic.
WAYYY TOO MANY. But my weirdest hc is link from botw! I just think hes neat + I like to play where he speaks the least possible and runs from everything. One of my favorite things in games is to see how far i can stretch mysterious silent protag, which I feel tends to lend itself to autistic characterization.
15) Have you ever recieved any accommodations for your autism in either school or work?
Yes, I recently got my 504 done along with my Dx :) some of my accommodations mean I skip school assemblies and that teachers generally need to give me written instructions, because verbal ones I have a hard time remembering and keeping up with.
19) What kinds of things are sensory hell for you?
School Assemblies, crowds when I am with a group (usually people I'm supposed to be watching) and many tourist attractions !! I get stressed out when strangers try to talk to me, so some clothes stores or any store where the attendees get money off commission is totally off limits to me basically.
20) What kinds of things are good sensory wise?
I'm choosing to interpret this as "sensory heaven"? Dry rice/beans are really comforting to stick my hand in, typing on a computer is fun, and petting my birds. Also listening to music I know super well is fun!
Listening to familiar music is one of my favorite active defenses against meltdowns. I often listen to music in one ear almost all of the time whenever I'm outside of my room.
22) Would you say you are proud to be autistic?
I am much more open about it online than I am in my personal life, and that's mostly due to me masking very well. Most of the time, people cannot even tell when I'm distressed. I wouldn't say I'm proud or really ashamed. I feel more like I just am lol.
27) Do you have any vocal stims or echolalia?
I normally don't due to masking, however cuz of covid times, I picked up the stim of any time I'm asked a question, I look at my bird n ask him what he thinks of it. I think my parents find it super annoying lol.
29) Are your friends/family accepting of your autism?
I think so? But also people in my family and also some of my friends just literally don't understand it at all lol. They accept it because they have to, but I don't think they understand anything about autism other than misconceptions they've read and some people they've met.
33) Foods you are sensitive to (maybe because of bad texture for instance)?
Fish,, sadly. I want to like fish really bad, but I cannot :( I don't know what it is. I also don't like soups. Only having liquids for a meal messes w/ my gut.
34) Do you enjoy hugs? Or are they sensory hell?
No lol, I kind of hate hugs. I think it's mostly because I was forced to do them my entire life, than the sensory part. If I was given a choice to hug as a kid, rather than it being forced on me (quite literally sometimes) then I think I'd like it a lot more.
42) Tell us something about your special interest.
I recently got a DS emulator working on my 3ds so I can play any DS game I want on it!! :)
49) What's something you find hard to do because of autism?
My brain has a hard time differentiating between whining and sticking up for myself? Like I don't know what is stupid and what isn't? So I basically cannot stand up for myself or speak out about things that are bothering me. Same thing with differentiating between a normal request and something selfish. I just cannot do it. It's really difficult to explain to NT's tho, and they often r like
"noooo you cannot ask for too much from me :)))" which like, Lol I don't think you realize what kind of floodgates you are opening.
Thank you for the questions <3
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